#FRANCIS BABY HERE I FUCKING COME

[daincrediblegg]

I’M DONE!!!! 10 MINUTES BEFORE THE DEADLINE AND IM DONE

[s1m0nth3swag]

Hmmm I’m kinda curious on how Francis would be like as a dom in bed!

Ohhhh definitely!

I feel like Francis def is too tired to dom most times, but omg, when he isn't tired for once....

This was uhm

Harder to write than I thought! It probably really isn't good so I slapped some headcanons at the end to make up for it a little

Tysm for the ask though, Anon!

WARNINGS/ CONTENT INFO; Porn with minimal plot, established relationship, GN!Reader, Dom Francis, Francis has vacation and uses it properly

NSFW UNDER THE CUT!!

If you were serious, you barely know how you ended up in this situation. You started today thinking it'd be just like any other day, your boyfriend coming home really late from work, so you'd have the apartment to yourself until he returned. Contrary to that belief, Francis had instead taken a day of vacation. He had grumbled something about it being long overdue.

From then, you had thought he'd lounge around all day. He'd probably just sleep a bit more, lay on the couch, maybe help out a little with chores - that's where you were wrong again.

Once the two of you had finished the chores around the small apartment, he grabbed you by the hips harshly. "Francis -" you yelped out, but he already pressed his lips against yours in a hungry kiss. If it was up to him, he'd have you right here, in the middle of the hallway. That's just the way Francis was, when he did have the drive to fuck you, he'd barely even think about where.

In the end, you were the one to drag him to the bedroom after he had already pulled off your top and discarded it somewhere. He trailed kisses down your neck and over your collarbone, nipping at the skin softly. "Want you s'bad..." He groaned, grinding his growing erection against your crotch. "Bet you want me too, hm? Can feel how needy you are." He adds, chuckling as he rubs small circles on your waist. You huff and pull him down towards you, kissing him feverishly.

The rest of your clothes are soon discarded - Francis rarely took his time with you. He watched the way you squirmed and whined as he slowly pushed inside you, though. He knew you just wanted to feel him. When it came to teasing, Francis had probably won a gold metal in it at some point. "So good for me, hm? It's always so tight..." he sighs lazily. His hands rest at your hips, pushing you down so you can't grind against him. You whine in protest. "Francis, please.. don't be mean.." You mumble, and he just chuckles as he presses a kiss against your cheek. "Just taking my time, love.. weren't you just complaining about me being too fast?" You scowl at him, but Francis just grins as he keeps pushing into you ever so slowly. Surely, this had to be torture for him as well? If it was, he didn't let it show one bit.

After taking his sweet time, Francis made it up to you by being way too goddamn rough. He practically abused your hole while muttering and groaning praises into your ear. You desperately held onto him, nails scratching his back. "So good, hm..? God, swear you feel heavenly..." Francis groaned into your ear, trailing kisses over your jaw. He placed hickeys and bite marks all over your neck, and you were sure with how he was treating you right now that a few on your thighs would follow soon.

As always, Francis couldn't help but finish inside you after you had reached your climax as well. He watched your slightly fucked out expression and the way his cum slowly flowed out of you, leaving kisses on your thighs, marking you up just like you thought he would. "Always so good for me, baby." He then hummed, placing a soft kiss against your lips while you snuggled against him.

I just really think Francis is a tired man and therefore rarely doms. Just takes too much of his energy.

However, I think he really really loves marking his partner. Like full-on hickeys all over your body, especially your thighs, though (he definitely is a thigh guy). Also very big on praising, though he would degrade you if you asked him to. I just think that in his mind, it's like "in love with my partner, have to tell them how much I appreciate them, especially when I'm literally taking their ability to walk!" Because I just KNOW he likes being rough. He just can't help but love the way your face contorts in pleasure at every thrust.

Francis would also 100% hold you down so he could have his way with you. He'd also slightly choke you because he holds you down by your neck when he wants to watch your reactions (this is totally not because I think that'd be hot. Nah uh.)

Also, I don't really think he is actually that kinky (or he just doesn't know that what he likes is considered a kink because that man has never spoken to anyone about it). I think he always makes sure you cum first, either makes you cum all over again before properly fucking you or denying you an orgasm as he tests how long he can hold one back himself.

Also, with a fem partner, he is so into eating them out. Genuinely obsessed with it.

With a masc partner, I think he'd be the type to touch them while just watching their expressions

he is so big on watching his partner. He just wants to make sure he's making you feel good still, even though he definitely has your favourite spots memorised by heart.

Anyway! Really short omg I'm sorry. I'm currently obsessing over School Bus Graveyard, so uhm! Not many Francis thoughts in my brain. I hope this isn't as bad as it looks to me (it's definitely worse, but I will not be bothered (I will panic about it))

[beastofburdenxo]

Look After You

This is based on later seasons of "Peaky Blinders" where Tommy has trouble with seizures. This time, he has you to look after him after he has one.

Hurt, fluff, comfort, mention of seizures, ptsd, typical Tommy language. @your-nanas-house

"Tommy.... there we are, it's alright. I got you." Tommy found himself in the kitchen floor, confused with his head in your lap. You were stroking the short sides of his hair, the gray starting to peek through.

Tommy tries to speak, but you silence him. "Don't speak, sweetheart, just relax. Breathe. It's over. I'm here with you." Tommy had a seizure at the kitchen table. He stopped talking mid sentence, and you knew what to do. You pulled him to the floor so he wouldn't fall out of his chair and hurt himself. Luckily, they never last very long.

"Another one?" Tommy finally whispers, tears in his eyes. "Mmm, hmm, just a short one, sweetheart. I pulled you to the floor so you wouldn't fall out and hurt yourself."

"Why am I wet?" Tommy asks you. You give him a forehead kiss before replying. "You lost control of your bladder. The doctor said that was normal, remember? It happens a lot during seizures."

"I fucking pissed myself on the kitchen floor?!"

"Shhhh, Tommy, it's okay. We'll get you cleaned up all good as new. Would you like me to call Francis or Arthur to help you up?"

"Fuck no!" Tommy cries with embarrassment. "I rather be shot! What kind of a man am I?!"

"Tommy." You coo, wiping his tears away. "You are the same man I married. Between being in the war and your various head injuries over the years, you can't help it. Now let's get you up and into the bath, yeah?"

You run Tommy a nice hot bath and help him out of his clothes, ignoring Tommy's fussing about it. ("Fucking fell out and pissed myself, surely I can undress myself without issue!")

With Tommy in the bath, you make quick work of washing him up. "Relax, Tommy, let the warm bath do its job."

"I can't. What if I have another one? What if I have one while driving? What if I have one in parliament and piss everywhere in front of God and everybody?"

Terror is evident in Tommy's eyes. You know his seizures and ptsd go hand in hand. You look at him, but his eyes have gone elsewhere.

"Tommy. Hey, come back to me. You'll throw yourself into another one if you don't relax. Shhhhh. There you are. Nobody knows, do they?"

Tommy brings his knees up to his chest, hugging himself. "No one but you. I feel so small and weak. It honestly scares me."

You hold Tommy while he sobs quietly in the bathtub. "Have you been taking the tablets the doctor gave you?"

"They're fucking useless, love. I still have them."

"Because you won't let them do their job. You hardly eat, hardly sleep, and you smoke like a freight train. You've got to take better care of yourself, sweetheart."

"Is that your diagnosis for me, doctor?" Tommy asks you with a sniffle.

"Yes, it is. Now, let's get you out and into bed. You need to rest. You always feel wiped out afterward."

This time, there are no complaints from tommy as you dress him in comfortable clothes and tuck him into bed. "Now get some sleep, Tommy. You'll feel better when you wake up."

"What if I don't wake up?" Tommy asks quietly, the terror set back in his eyes.

"Tommy, baby, don't think that. I'll be right here next to you if that's what you need. You have to sleep. I'll hold you for as long as you want me to. If you have another one, I will be right here as always. You are in the middle of the bed, so you won't fall off and get hurt. You are safe here with me, I promise. Now, please get some needed rest. I love you, tommy."

"I love you too. Promise you won't go anywhere while I sleep?" He is anxious like a child that just had a nightmare.

"I promise, baby. Nothing can pull me away."

Tommy curls up into your chest, breathing in your scent to relax him. You gently rub his back and listen to his breathing slow and ease into sleep.

[nalyra-dreaming]

Comments on 2x08!!! Well… spoilers, obviously:)

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Being buried like that is my absolute worst fear holy shit

Armand painting himself as the poor little victim makes me livid lol

Louis thinking about what he could havw changed and always arriving at kissing Lestat?!!! 😭😭😭😭

Armand reviving Louis but letting him tonrise by himself *insert middle finger emoji*

Louis going a bit mad - holy shit. sooooooo creepy I love it. And him preparing and getting their asses!!! Sublime!

Thank god Louis takes her diaries and dress 😭

Calling “Francis“ LMAO and with Come To Me toooooo 🙌😈😈

That sliver of light separating Louis and Armand… and Armand just continues to lie….

Sorry not believing the dungeon scene. Lestat just… sitting there? Contemplating and citing Magnus??? Mhhhh. Louis… threatening him and then… passionate kiss and leaving with Armand? That’s…. another Armand fanfic. Sorry, but … lol. No. No way. OR it’s edited and Louis bargained for Lestat‘s life there. As for Claudia’s back then. For example Louis could have burned Lestat there and that is why he was so apprehensive and fearful in SF. But this??? Nahhhhhhh - but: We‘ll see. In s3 apparently ^^ I could also see Louis burning him there or in the theater in a rage, but we’ll see. Anyways: this??? Nope. :)

Also, that blood of Akasha nod is very weird

Ah yes - the disassembly has started 😈

Get him Daniel!!!!!

There goes the broadcasting theory 🤓

And the soldiers!!!!! Yesssss

Not believing the rehearsing btw

LESTAT SAVED LOUISSSSSSSSSS Yesssss baby 🙌 I KNEW IT

Look at them bleeding ears 🥹 (also Armand (supposedly) would have let Louis die. Right. We‘re alllll clear on that, right.)

77 YEARS BASED ON A SEISMIC LIE (ooof!!!!)

Oof Louis is maddddd

Yes get his ass. Also him threatening Armand 👀

Hurricane Odetta! 2021!!!! The crime tour was funny. And then… Moss house. Implied fledgling but… no way

Yeah. Rip my heart out while you’re at it. JAM just have the energy for them. And god… Lestat breaking on remembering Claudia burn 😭 and the embrace on him calling himself her father.

Lestat looks like healing from burns still 👀 (also him using Siri?!!!)

Louis apologizing for making Lestat miserable

Because he didn’t know it was a gift 😭😭😭😭

That embrace. The looks. It’s just raw 😭😭😭

And to leave us like that the BASTARDS!!!!

Daniel!!!! Sweety!!!! Love the sass!!!Look at your eyes!!!! But yeah no, Armand did not turn you out of spite lol

But - calling it: contested NOLA meeting (OR Lestat is in Dubai either Louis)

Louis (supposedly) returning to Dubai alone… I get it. Louis needs to find himself. And honestly?? After Claudia asking him who he is outside of Claudia and Lestat? To say: “I own the night“????? ROCKS. 🙌🙌🙌

Also: Louis challenging the other vampires to come and get him - well - with the s3 announcement??? - HERE COMES THE VAMPIRE LESTAT!!!

I‘m not crying and grinning happily, you are…

*sniffs*

Episode Insider:

Jacob texting that pic - LMAO

Assad: All lf the facade […] has been shown to be a complete lie

Jacob: Lestat would have saved Claudia if he‘d had the energy 😭

Jacob: There’s things said at the end that nobody will ever know other than me and Sam. RIP ME 💀

OKAY. I‘m … good. Happy. Satisfied. Season 3 - here we fucking come!!!!

[m1ssunderstanding]

Understanding Lennon McCartney Rewatch Part 4.1

This is embarrassing but I'm actually so obsessed with the first five minutes of this episode that I've got it bookmarked in my YouTube account. It's just so perfect!

“Say you don't looooove him, my salamander. Then why did you neeeeeeed him? Ono don't answer.” He genuinely thinks need and love are the same and I really hope he's got therapy for that messed up mindset by now.

Officially honored as the most successful musical composer and recording artist of all time. That damn well better be mentioned in his movie. And people still don't take him seriously. But also. John definitely smashed his TV.

I'm screaming. I love Linda the promoter so fucking much!! Interviewer: I knew a lot of your records had went gold and platinum and– Linda: a lot of them? All of them! Ugh I wish she was still with him now.

And then THIS! “What really happened between you and John?” As the first notes to “I Will Survive” play. It's too good. Everyone has to go watch that bit right now.

Linda coming in for the kill again with her fake posh accent: critics? Critics? Oooooh! … They're always three years behind.

Look at him (to the tune Bitch by Meredeth Brooks) he's a whore, he's a father, he's a star, he's a success, he's a lover he's smug, he's laughing, he's having fun, he's working hard. He's everything.

Interviewing Wings concert goers and this one girl goes, "oh I just got off on all of it" and another one goes “It was great, i came twice!” Literally it should've been me!!!!

The McCartneys are seriously such a big family. And it's been Paul's responsibility since was about 21, really, to make sure they're all okay financially. That Francie story of him crumbling in the street in Liverpool haunts me.

"Why shouldn't they go to the same school as everyone else goes to?" State schools should be the only legal schools btw.

I love what the creator does to contextualize their songs by pairing them with other contemporary footage. It makes it much easier for me to understand why something like “arrow through me” (which I love but none of the people I've shown it to do) would've been so popular.

Oh here we go again. Just show us the marriage certificate already.

Cackling at the contrast between “Old Siam Sir” which is one of my all time fav rockers and footage of the Stones being cringe AF and Dylan being so beyond done he's basically dead.

Oh. Okay. And then they slap us in the face with John's poor baby late 70s demo voice crooning, “Don't want your looooove. Anymore.” “I die each time I hear your name.” I'm fine. It's fine. I'm just vomiting my guts out because I'm sick. That's why.

The pairing of “Mr H Atom” with Paul's would've-been drag show is genius, but what is that clip of some sort of trial stuck in there? If anyone knows, please inform me. (16:15)

John sounds so sad talking about the “endless search for . . . Scotland . . . Within an hour of New York.” I can't help thinking of the Mull of Kintyre. But John was also the one who turned Paul on to Scotland in the first place, ≈always waxing poetic about the heather and the hills≈.

Sean is so adorable. Reminds me of my little guy a bit actually.

Why do I always want to tell Paul to be nice to John? John is worse to him. Idk maybe because John's pain is more visible.

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

REWATCHING GO S1, LIVE PLAY-BY-PLAY OF DOOMSDAY WAHOO

HELLO MAGGOTS REWATCHING SEASON 1 BECAUSE THE FIRST TIME WAS A KIDNAPPING CHAOTIC MESS. EPISODE ONE HERE GOES. I DON'T REMEMBER A LOT OF DETAILS BUT YES.

Opening scene and Earth's got vibe-checked by God and I've been gaslit about the dinosaurs

GARDEN OF EDEEEEEN wow his first appearance and Aziraphale's already so prissy and flustered might fuck around and fall in love with him idk

I finally understand who these mf's are hi Hastur and Ligur you're not zombies after all

FOR FUCK'S SAKE SECOND SCENE CROWLEY'S BEEN IN AND SHE WALKED IN, SERVED HIPS HAIR AND CUNT, AND THEN MANAGED TO TALK HER AWAY INTO A PROBLEM

LIKE GENUINELY SHE COMES AND SASHAYS WITH HER HAIR AND SAYS TIMES ARE CHANGING AND HEAD OFFICE LOVES ME AND JUST INSTANTLY HASTUR AND LIGUR USE HER WORDS AGAINST HER

idk sister mary loquacious is kinda doing it for me rn with that satanic nun's habit and losergirl energy

third crowley scene and he's misplaced THE LITERALLY GODDAMNED ANTICHRIST because he made small talk with a bloke outside without checking for details

mmmmhm yes sister mary wink again your bitchless decisions are sexy y'know what i mean

Gabriel feels like his brain was eviscerated and replaced with one of those youtuber's paid course promos at the end of their how to change your life in 45 days: three simple mindset shifts video

so THIS IS WHY EVERYONE KEEPS SAYING PAVLOVIAN IN THIS FANDOM IT'S BECAUSE OF DUCKS of course it's because of ducks

mmmhm yes sure crepes French revolu--Crowley stop eye-fucking Aziraphale you're making everyone at the Ritz horny

Aziraphale don't moan into your food man you can't take these two anywhere

Crowley thanking the driver for slowing down is everything to me

And they're drunk hu-fucking-zzah good thing we'll have 11 year olds saving the world coz these fuckers sure ain't doing shit

OH MY GOD HE WAS TRYING TO SAY BOUILLABAISSE I JUST REALISED. I THOUGHT HE WAS JUST MAKING KISSY FACES AT AZIRAPHALE I'M NOT OK-

What Aziraphale was doing back was definitely kissy faces though that mfer wasn't even trying to say bouillabaisse when Crowley said what sounded suspiciously like baby

kissy kissy from lil miss prissy [i would have made such a great high school bully shame i had no inclinations that way]

SORRY WHAT THE BLOODY FUCK WAS THAT SOBERING UP EXCUSE ME THE FANFICS MADE IT SOUND LIKE IT WAS A CLICK AND THEY'RE SUDDENLY NORMAL WHY IS THE ALCOHOL REFILLING

oop nun down nun down

i want ya see a wile ya thwart amirite on a t-shirt

"actually i encourage humans to-" just say you're a lazy bitch azi we love you

love crowley fake-manipulating azi into helping like azi wants to be manipulated y'know so it's not technically his fault he was wiled over or whatever and they're both just such ENABLERS

not azi going SOFT at being godfathers with crowley

NOT BROTHER FRANCIS PLEASE NO FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS SACRED AZI WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS PLEASE

WARLOCKKKKK I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

HNNNG MICHAEL SHEEN HAD TOO MUCH FUN WITH THIS

why is nanny ashtoreth so seductive with that of course dear is it just crowley's inherent disastergirl sex appeal

HALF PONYTAIL CROWLEY I AM A FUCKING SLUT FOR HALF PONYTAIL

GASLIGHTING HEAVEN AND HELL THAT'S MY BABYGIRLS

erIC THE DISPOSABLE DEMON I DIDN'T KNOW THEY COME IN S1 well not come i hope unless being eaten by a hellho--nope

ANGEL CROWLEY SAID ANGEL ANGEL ANGEL

CROWLEY TRYING TO BE SUBTLE ABOUT KILLING BEFORE GETTING ANNOYED

waiter crOWLEY OUTFIT I CANNOT BE NORMAL AFTER THE WEDDING DRESS DESIGNING ABOUT THIS COSTUME

FOOLS WRONG BOY YOU FOOLS IM DEAD

DOG IS UNIRONICALLY SO CUTE EVEN BEFORE IT GOES SMOL

gonna give my roxie a kissy brb she's my angel and all this dog talk makes me miss her (she's a few feet away under the bed)

i asked her for a kissy and she crawled out and gave me a kiss i love her

DOGGGGG ADAMMM

...roxie's crying to be taken downstairs it's nearly 2 am this is on me for waking her up i crowley'd myself fml

EYYYYY WELCOME TO THE END TIMES don't mind me I'll have to take roxie down yes I know maggots I'm crowley-coded I KNOW THAT I'M A BLOODY DISASTER BYEEEEEEEE

[koolkat9]

GerEng Week 2024 - Day 1

@gereng-week

Prompt: Meeting the Family || Magic

Rating: T

Word Count: 1060

Pairing: GerEng

Read on AO3

Author's Note: When you forget when your own ship event week starts. I thought it started today lol.

Deserved

It wasn't the newspaper or radio that notified Arthur when the Berlin Wall fell. It was an urgent yet joyful phone call from Ludwig.

He had never heard the stoic man’s voice so light, so rapid, so overflowing with vigor. Arthur’s heart leaped at the sound.

What his heart wasn’t leaping at was the haste dinner invitation to celebrate at the end of the week. But Arthur couldn’t say no when Ludwig sounded so happy and so excited to introduce him as his boyfriend.

“You didn’t tell me everyone would be here,” Arthur hissed when he approached the arch to the dining room.

It wasn’t just Gilbert but practically all the Germanics and those close to them: Roderich, Erzsébet, Bash, Erika, and of course the man of the hour Gilbert. Who, despite his grin, was staring daggers into him.

“Good to see you, Arthur,” Gilbert mused, approaching him with an extended hand.

Arthur eyed it suspiciously. He looked over to Ludwig, that pure glint in his eye softened Arthur. He shook Gilbert’s hand, plastering a smile to his face. “Good to see you too. It’s nice to have you back.”

“Danke. Now come. I don’t know about you but I’m starving.”

Gilbert led them to the dining room. Perhaps it had just been Arthur’s nerves and Gilbert actually hadn’t been glaring. They all laughed and ate, shared memories of similar feasts, and overall just enjoyed the presence of each other. Not even an invasive question in sight about his and Ludwig’s relationship. And the food was good too. It had been a while since he had a proper cooked meal between work and his inability to cook.

But just as he was starting to think he was worrying for nothing, Gilbert approached him and asked to talk in private. When Arthur met his eyes a chill ran down his spine.

Ludwig looked over to Arthur, their eyes meeting. Ludwig looked worried. Arthur reached over and gave his hand a squeeze. “I’ll be fine,” he murmured.

He followed Gilbert to the hallway.

“What’s your goal?” Gilbert spat.

“Goal?”

He shoved Arthur against the wall, gripping the collar of his shirt, any facade of being polite melted away to reveal his rageful, bloodthirsty core. Even with his nation dissolved and his body weak in state, he was not much different than the warmongering nation he represented. Or used to represent.

“Don’t play stupid,” he growled. “What are you trying to get from Ludwig? This decade's new toy, hm? One you can use to forget how lonely and bitter you are. Get your kicks for a bit, maybe play house before you get bored and toss him out like trash.”

Arthur scoffed. “What are you even going on about?”

Gilbert pressed him further into the wall. “I know you. And I know how you are in relationships. Never staying too long. You did it to your son and Francis and I picked up the pieces.”

“Leave Alfred out of this,” he warned, voice low.

“Well, anything is on the table considering you’re fucking my baby brother. Damn, cradle robber. Ludwig is a good kid. And despite my best efforts, a sensitive soul. He’s hardworking, he’s got a good head on his shoulders, fiercely loyal, wants to do better than the ones who’ve come before him. Some relic of the past like you who only cares about himself is the last person who deserves him.”

For a moment, they just stared each other down, eyes ablaze, waiting for one to back down.

Arthur wanted to protest, but Gilbert was right at least to some extent. He was lonely and bitter and selfish. But he didn’t drop relationships because he was bored, it was because he knew he didn’t deserve them. That he would hurt them more by staying.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Ludwig peeking out. Something warm fluttered in his heart and pumped through his veins. He had to suppress a smile because he knew it would just make Gilbert angrier or make him look like he didn’t care.

He did care. Because he loved Ludwig. Because Ludwig made him happy and clearly he made Ludwig happy.

“I was the one who was there when you couldn’t be,” Arthur finally shot back. “I was the only one who could withstand his anger and stubbornness when he tried to push everyone away. I was the one who pulled him out of that dark place. And I won’t give you the details because that is something Ludwig alone can choose to disclose, but just know I was one of the main ones who supported him. You’re right, I am a shitty person. And I don’t deserve someone as perfect as Ludwig. But I want to protect him, I want to make him smile and by God, I’m going to do it as long as he allows me. Because in the end, this relationship isn’t a choice for you to make, but for us. For Ludwig to make.”

Gilbert‘s grip loosened, jaw going slack, eyes confused and wide. For once the loudmouth was speechless.

After a moment, Gilbert went to speak, but Ludwig cut it, grabbing his brother's arm/

“Please let go of my boyfriend.” His words were polite, but there was a sharpness under them. Gilbert immediately backed away.

Ludwig wrapped an arm around Arthur and pulled him close to his side. “In the future, could you please not scare him or insult him? He’s right. This isn’t your choice, it’s mine. I’m not a child anymore and I’ve more than proven I can stand on my own without my big brother always protecting me.”

Gilbert was shocked before, but now he was completely gobsmacked. He stared at the two for a moment before lowering his gaze and whispering an apology. He sulked back into the dining room.

When they were finally alone, Ludwig pulled Arthur into a tight embrace, burying his face into his shoulder. Arthur smiled softly, squeezing him back.

“I’m a little drained,” Ludwig murmured, “Erzse packed up some dessert for us to enjoy back home.”

“That sounds like a marvelous idea,” Arthur mused, pressing a kiss to Ludwig’s cheek.

Hand-in-hand the two walked out to Ludwig’s car and made their way home to compress after a stressful evening. Well, meeting the family was rarely ever easy.

[double--hh]

I Think it's Gonna Rain When I Die

An unofficial addition to the Serial Killer! Francis AU!!

AU belongs to our beloved SK Francis Anon 🔪

TW: Referenced/Implied PTSD attacks, implied/referenced abuse, SK! Francis is an entire tw on his own, possessive behavior, execution via electrocution, Francis loves Nacha and tolerates Ana 👍

The police officer escorted her to the stand alone table, there sat her father… no, he lost the right to that title.

There sat Francis.

Clean shaven, sullen eyes, and ruffled and slightly matted hair. There were two guards against the back wall waiting for anything to happen. Anastacha bit the sides of her tongue as she made eye-contact with him, her expression unchanging as Francis recognized her.

He laughed a breath out and took a pained one back in, “Anastacha! My baby girl, oh look at you! You have your mother’s nose, her hair too, even-”

“Hello Francis.”

Francis pouts and cocks his head, “Mmm, that's no way to greet your father, young lady.”

She held back a snide remark and she sat down, placing her hands on the table folded, she felt her eyes twitch, “How's prison treating you? You look like shit.”

Francis threw an exaggerated hand to his chest, “Oh how hurtful, Annie-” He gets really close to the window separating them, “It's been… stifling, sweetie… 15 fucking years without my wife and child…” His eyes drone around behind her, “Where is Nacha, sweetie? Unless if you two are doin’ a one on o-”

“She didn't come. Nobody came. It's just me.”

She blinked slowly, no signs of emotion from her.

Francis furrowed his eyebrows, humming, “Hmm, surely she’s just sleeping out in the car, Annie, oh I just know your mother misses me like I miss her!” He giggles, tapping his fingers on the table, the chains making a scraping noise on the wood.

Anastacha snorts and cracks a smile, she pulls a box of cigarettes out and lights one up, “What’s so funny sweetie- ugh, y’know how bad those things are for a little girl like you, Anastacha.”

She takes a drag from it, “Y’think mom misses you, Francis? Yeah, whatever, buddy… I do understand where you're comin’ from, feeling like you're the only one who can protect your mother from your own father.”

She bites the end of her cigarette, feeling her heart strain, “You know how many sleepless nights I've gotten after you got arrested? Having to hear mom cry herself to sleep and have mental breakdowns all because of you, Francis, huh? Do you know how many times I've had to convince my own mother that it’s safe to be alone in a room with another man, hell, another person that isn't me?! Oh my god.”

She buries her face in her hands, scrunching her bangs, rubbing her eyes with her palms and mutters out, “You fucking ruined our lives.” Slamming her hands down on the table, Anastacha looks at him dead in the eyes, not a single glint of light sparkled in her eyes anymore, they’re bloodshot, her eyebags even more noticeable.

Francis frowns, crossing his arms, “Sweetie, you know damn well what kinda people are out there, I was tryna protect you and your mother from the scum of the Earth and those fucking man made pests. And what did youse do? Get me arrested after all I've done for your ungrateful ass and your darling, sweet mother.”

Anastacha rolls her eyes, “Whatever helps you sleep at night.”

Francis let an annoyed breath out, but collected himself, “So… tell me what you’ve been up to, sweetie.” He flashes her a phony smile.

“I’m a Victim’s Advocate. I'm running my own organization, helping get folks out of domestic situations.” She tugs on her purple bow around her collar, “It's… very rewarding. Mom and dad are real proud of me.”

Francis’ eyebrows raised and his eyes widened, “G-good for you, sweetie, but- I-I’m right here and this is my first time hearing about this! Why'd you say-”

“Oh, yeah, mom’s seein’ someone.”

She watched as Francis slammed his hands on the table and stood up, the chair falling back, “WHO IS HE?! TELL ME. SHE KNOWS GODDAMN WELL THAT SHE BELONGS TO ME AND ME ONLY.” The two guards approached him and pulled him back, Anastacha leans back into her chair, taking a drag, blowing smoke from her nose.

Francis magages to calm down just enough so his vision isn't red anymore, but still feeling his blood boil and his mind race.

“Anastacha Lynn Mosses. You better fucking tell me who this bastard is.”

The guards were about to take him away till Anastacha spoke up and yelled, “Jeez Louise! Boys, calm down! Francis, pay attention.” She snaps her fingers to get his attention.

She reaches into her pocket for her wallet and opens it up, she smiles as she takes her driver's license and a polaroid out. She placed both items flush against the window, “Here 'go, Franny boy.”

Francis broke out of the guard's grasp and got his face close to the window.

He wished what he was looking at was a sick prank his little girl was pulling on her.

On the left was the polaroid, it was his Nacha in the foreground dressed in a long sleeved and puffy wedding gown. Behind her was Angus, in a dark purple tuxedo, holding her waist with one hand and his cane with the other. His vision focused in and out when he slowly rolled his eyes to Anastacha’s license and he felt his heart sink deeper than his first night alone without his family when he read her name.

Anastacha Lynn Mikaelys-Ciprianni.

His eyes pinholed as he looked dead at Anastacha, who was smiling as sweetly as ever.

That motherfucker stole his family from him.

Anastacha softly sighs as she puts her items away back into her wallet.

You could hear a pin drop how quiet it was… till Francis hit the plexiglass window, with his fists, cracking with all of his might. Anastacha jumped putting her hands up, watching the guards pull him back to his room while he was screaming obscenities to her, her mother, and especially her father. She cupped a hand next to her mouth and yelled, “So long, and thanks for all of the fish!”

She chuckles as the door slams shut, she can still hear the dead-beat yell, she turns to the officer that escorted her in, “I'm so sorry you folks had to deal with him for so long.” She reached into her pocket and gives him a stack of her business cards, “Leave ‘em by the sign in desk, y’never know what's going on with a person just by looking at ‘em.” He nodded and escorted her to the next room to watch Francis’ execution…

~

…It went as grizzly as one could go, Anastacha and her police escort were the only ones in the theater when it happened. He looked away while she watched it all go down, never faltering. Even when the vertigo of the electricity flashed her eyes never moved from Francis as she watched the remainder of life leave his body...

~

Afterwards, she left the prison, it was late at night, night life was just getting started, but she was not interested in the slightest. As she lit up another cigarette, she felt a drop of rain hit her nose.

She looked up and saw rain clouds moving in, “Mmm… peculiar… didn't know he had a soul…”

She continued walking until she found a vacant and illuminated phone booth. She entered before the rain started pouring down, the droplets making music on the glass walls. After putting 15 cents in, she slumped against the cooling wall, smoking, looking at people scuttling for cover, waiting for the caller to pick up.

“Ugh, hello? Ciprianni residents, Nacha speaking…”

“Hey mom, it's Anastacha.”

She heard her mother move excitedly on the other end, shaking Angus awake.

“Ana! Hija! How are you?! Are you okay? Did anything happen?! Do you need us to drive over?!”

Anastacha laughed, “No, mom! I'm good, I'm fine, it was very…” She looked for the words as she heard her father speak faint but very tired Italian in the background, “I feel like I closed a large chapter in my life and I’m… glad I went.”

She clears her throat as she hears Angus take the phone, “Ciao, sweetheart, I heard what you said, ‘m happy you decided to go, I’m so proud of you Anne… shit, Nacha, cara mia, what time is it?”

Anastacha huffs, checking her watch, “It's only midnight-thirty, dad!”

Angus groans as both Nacha and Anastacha giggles, “Alright, alright, I’ll let the oldies sleep, I just wanted to let y'all know that I'm outta there and I'm doing good.”

“That's great, hija, you go out and enjoy the night! Don't drink too much!”

“Yes, and remember to aim for the throat and ears if you can! And if you brought your pistol or brass knuckles even better!”

Anastacha heard her mom smack him on the shoulder and he laughed, “Ciao, Anna, you be safe and take care of yourself, mom and I love you-”

Nacha yoinked the phone, “Love you hija! Please come and visit us soon! We always have the guest room open for you!”

Anastacha puts her cigarette out with her dress shoes and smiles, “I love you guys too, when this next case is cleared up I’ll drive over to see y'all before you guys move again, good night!”

They both wish her goodnight and she hangs up. She unlatches the phone booth and exits, the rain is now a drizzle.

Sighing, she decided to take her folks advice and enjoys the evening to the fullest, starting her a new chapter in her life.

~

[thebearme]

What's William Afton like in your Human FNAF AU?

ngl I was having a hard time here so I drew Willy for the past days to get an Idea that's more solid.

Here's Willy and Henry in the old days

Well... it was kinda hard to say. Pretty much the same temperament as the og one; I can't get into too much about his home life or how he behaves around the other Fazbear restaurants rn, that's for later posts.

He's the brains of the operation; He came up with the idea of Fredbear's family diner and welcomed his collage friend Henry to help him in this venture. With neither of them having knowledge in owning a restaurant beforehand, they decide to put the entertainment in the forefront with him and Henry performed. It was a small business back then, but it soon got big and with that so did William ego.

He's a bad father, husband and person like the original.

A bit of an uptight theater kid, so he was the MEANEST when it came to auditions and the overall everyday shows. Luckily, Henry in charge of the audition process instead of Willy.

Willy took his roll when he performed seriously, ironically the character he played was a hippie hillbilly for the 'ha ha American people stupid' satire’s sake.

Fredbear family diner had entertainment that was more like a theater show than a performing band. Henry wasn't much of a singer and Willy only knew a few songs on banjo, but their performances gave an amateur but campy feel to them if you were to watch the recordings of the shows.

Willy would micromanage the business if he wasn't pulled away from it. This leads to him being the most feared boss for everyone. His willingness to fire someone for the littlest thing is scary.

As much Willy makes it seem like he holds all the power, he still is under the leash of the higher ups that GAVE them the money to make this franchise to begin with. William will soon open his own company and entertainment industry later. (That's going to be baby's circus)

Henry and Willy would tend to use their diner performers has a little babysitter. Just dumping Charlie, Elizabeth, Evan and hell-even Michael if Mrs. Afton don't feel like dealing with him. But just because they're in the same building doesn't mean that they get to spend time with their fathers. And frankly, Willy doesn't want to.

Willy promoted Shirley to Head chef after one too many firings of the other cooks. (and other nefarious reasons that will be getting into later)

Shirley's dog being added to the character roster was definitely wasn't Willy choice, but it ranged positive with the higher ups and gave a bigger profit.

Like I said before, Freddy's actor, George, is the only one who's to get into Willy's head and tell him how he's a shitty boss. And that's because he's abit older than Willy, and the whole 'respect your elders' thing is something William has to reluctantly follow. But that doesn't stop him to redirect George's anger to Henry.

You already know that the performer of Bonnie, Janice, was looking for mentorship from William, but it doesn't go great. Well, if you think about Willy's 'pickiness' in actors and the norms in appearance of actors in the 80s... I think you could put one and two together. (before anyone gets mad, it's the 80s and Willy is your average old white man not an activist, so don't be surprised that he wants white skinny women instead of Janice and Shirley)

And for Francis, Willy barely remember that the character Foxy exist, let alone the person behind the character. Or at least he would like too, If it wasn't for Foxy being the most interesting and popular character for the age bracket of 12 and whatever age his 'bastard son' is. So for the time being, Willy just will act like he can't see him until he comes up with his next fuck up plan.

Willy is the same fucked up man that he's been, just without the murder.

[sunnylolli]

In punk dad au, is arthur single father? And why he is want to adopt twin in his 19? I mean its such young age to adopt and became single father

He does not adopt Alfred, Alfred is biologically his! (This is a long post, so I'll put everything under a read more)

The storyline for Arthur is that he and a girl from school were an item and when she eventually ended up getting pregnant she refused to get the twins removed and ended up having Alfred and Matthew.

What then ends up happening is Arthur ends up being pressured into proposing, the two of them spends a year engaged where she and Arthur basically fight every single day, and it comes to a peak where Arthur takes the twin (Alfred) that his mother is not holding one evening and leaves with him. (WITH THE INTENTION TO GET MATTHEW AS WELL, BUT HE HAS TO START SOMEWHERE.)

The mother ends up having the attitude: "FINE, you take him then I'll keep the other! See who raises their kid the best, see if I care!"

She does legally agree to sign custody of Alfred over to Arthur alone while she keeps custody over Matthew!

And the storyline in my head begins when Arthur has taken little Alfred and is sitting with a duffle bag of Alfred's and his own stuff on the bus, panting from having run to catch the last departure and is shushing a fussing Alfred the best he can.

This is where he stays with Gilbert for a time until he finds an apartment of his own!

--- Here starts a ramble ---

I've been considering clashing this au with my "Twins reunited after having been seperated as babies" idea, so that the brothers' mother moves abroad to Canada with Matthew and the two of them reunite because Arthur tells Alfred that he does have a twin brother and that he's been trying to find him, but he and his mother has moved to Canada.

Thus Alfred going to Canada for university in a sheer attempt at scoping out Matthew.

Which he definitely does and Matthew ends up keeping the contact secret from their mom (She wouldn't look too favorably on them knowing of each other, she absolutely did not tell Matthew he had a brother) and goes to Britain during a holiday break to visit Arthur with Alfred and since Alfred keeps Matthew a surprise,

Arthur is NOT expecting to see him and he is absolutely caught off guard so hard he ends up sheeding a tear or two, and while he isn't against crying (in this au) he rarely feels the need to. So it's absolutely something Alfred isn't expecting and Matthew doesn't really have any idea Arthur is or what his literal dad would be like, so when Arthur offers to hug him, Matthew is so afraid it's going to be an emotional manipulation game like his mother plays it. And his step dad definitely does not hug him, but he agrees because he feels rude saying no and ends up actually melting into it after a few moments, because this boy is so fucking touchstarved.

Arthur explains that he was in a position where he almost managed to get custody of Matthew but his mother brought him oversea before it could be finalized and he lost any and all opportunity to get ahold of him.

And Matthew ends up visiting and keeping contact with Arthur and Francis so much that keeping it secret from his mom becomes near impossible and he ends up choosing, as one of his first few adult decisions since turning 18, that he'd like to cut contact with her and his step dad.

He does end up staying in Canada, but he arranges as many visits to britain as he can and stays over longer periods of time when he can.

[babybluebex]

Your friendly neighborhood JQ simp here @munson-blurbs 💚 could you please write about Joe x Pregnant Wife on the red carpet at the premiere of his movie? Thank you 🍏🍊🍇

Joe’s hand reached out to gently cup your belly, touching you nicely, and you smiled softly at him. “You alright?” you heard your husband whisper, and you nodded, letting your hand rest on top of his.

“Yes, I’m just fine,” you told him. “And Little Man is good too.”

Little Man was what you and Joseph had started to call your baby. You were having the hardest time coming up with a name for him, and, in the absence of a name, nicknames popped up. First, it was the likes of Bean and Peanut, then Baby, and now, after having learned that you were having a boy, Little Man. Almost as if he could hear (and sometimes you wondered if Little Man Quinn could hear you), he kicked at Joe’s hand, catching you off guard and forcing a laugh from your mouth.

“God!” you huffed as the cameras popped. Ever since you had announced your pregnancy, the press has been endless, and this, the premiere for A Quiet Place: Day One, was the debut of The Bump. It was a negligible bump so far, hardly anything to be shocked about, but that didn’t stop the wall of photographers in front of you from shouting you and your husband’s names, trying to catch a glimpse of the happy family. “He won’t stop moving.”

“Sorry, love,” Joe told you, leaning forward and burying a kiss in your hair. “I’ll take the blame for that.”

“I’ll make you,” you told him lightheartedly, and Joe grinned hard. He was all smiles in the last months, ever since you both had found out about Little Man, and you loved to see him so happy. Although, you could tell that there was more behind his smile; his hand shook at its place on your belly, lightly and hardly enough for you to even notice it, but you did. “Are you alright?”

“Just nervous,” Joe admitted. “Pregnant wife and all, I’m a little anxious tonight.”

“Don’t think about it,” you told him. “Here, let’s think about something else… Give me a name.”

“A name?” Joe repeated, his eyebrows furrowing for just a moment in confusion.

“For Little Man,” you said. “Just throw something out. I quite like the name Joshua.”

“Joshua Quinn,” Joe muttered. “I like it. What about William? Call him Liam.”

“Liam Quinn,” you tested out. “Will Quinn. I like Will better.”

“Me too,” Joe said, and he scoffed. “Might as well just go ahead and name him after me.”

“I mean,” you started with a shrug. “Joseph Anthony Francis is a good name. A little long, but good. Maybe Little Man can be Anthony Joseph, name him after you and his grandad.”

“Would you…” Joe started and cleared his throat, dropping his gaze from the photographers down to you. “Would you really want to name him after me? That’s too big an honor, I’m afraid.”

“Not for you,” you told him. “You’re already the best father in the world. You deserve all the praise and accolades that come with that.”

“Are you sure?” he asked. “Our son, the most precious thing in our life, named after me? Who am I to be giving my name to a baby?”

“You, my love,” you started, and you pressed a single finger into the dimple on his chin, eyeing his lips for a moment before you said, “Are Joseph Fucking Quinn. You’re an amazing father and husband, and the star of tonight’s movie. If anyone deserves to give their name to a little boy, it’s you. Oh, imagine it, baby, your little Anthony running around, your eyes and curls—“

“Your nose,” Joe interjected, and you smiled.

“My nose,” you agreed. “Just think about it. He’s playing in the garden and you call for him to come inside for supper: ‘Anthony! Come in, wash up!’”

“Could call him Ant, like with my dad,” Joe said, and he pressed his hand gently into your stomach, his thumb stroking you over your dress. “Little Ant Quinn. That’s adorable. But are you sure you want his middle name to be mine? Anthony Francis is a perfectly good name.”

“Yeah, but Anthony Joseph is better,” you said. “I know you don’t believe me, but please, just trust me on this. Little tiny Anthony Joseph Quinn. He’ll be the most loved little boy in the world.”

“He sure will,” Joe said. He paused for a moment to kiss your cheek, and the cameras went off quickly at the show of affection, and he said, “I might need more convincing on the Joseph part, but I like Anthony.”

“Good,” you said. “Do you feel less anxious now?”

“Yes,” he said. “You and little Ant helped me. Thank you, pet.”

“Of course, Joey,” you told him, and you squeezed the hand that touched your belly, feeling Anthony kick your hands again. “Anything for you.”

[book--wyrm]

Pengu Ep 7 liveblog time!!

Oh boy.

Oh we are starting strong with a flashback huh

Oh no we are starting strong with some brotherly jealousy. Two minutes in and I am already leaning towards Oz killing his siblings to monopolize his mom's attention

"Is [Rex's car] made of real gold?" "It's just paint"

Not Jack smarter at 15 than Oz is at 50

NOT THE "PARENT NOT BEING PAID ENOUGH" COMING BACK

Also I was wrong Oz is the middle child it seems.

Oz such a lil cheater lol

Oh my god.

Ohhhh my god. That's almost worse than anything I could have expected.

I should have realized. I should have realized. A single moment of stupid, thoughtless, selfish cruelty is all it takes. And an unwillingness to ever face the reality of what he did.

And this makes his snapping at Vic for the Jack thing so much worse. Jack was the son who got shit done. And Oz killed him.

THE TAPPING AND THE BANGING AND THE TAPPING AND THE BANGING AND I CANNOT DEAL WITH THIS FUCKIGN SHOW OH MY GOD I CANNOT DEAL WITH THIS FUCKING SHOW HOW IS IT SUCH A BANGER EVEN WHEN IT MAKES ME WANNA DIE

Oh shit Vic's here lmao.

Why is there a gap between Sofia nabbing Francis and Sal showing up. Did sofia go it alone. I bet she did.

Fuck the guilt get me results

Love Sofia sending one of her boys to make sure Sal doesn't kill Oz. Sofia doesn't trust Sal, and Sal refutes the idea of Sofia leashing him. In any other show this would telegraph a late episode betrayal between them but with this show i really don't know

Love the scraping noise coming in before the visual

do you feel better ahhhhh

i need more sal and sofia

Sofia why cant you bring me breakfast too. i'll eat a singular toast for u

I love Francis ngl. She's so caustic even in the face of danger.

They didnt' have their umbrellas

Hahaha ngl sofia deserved that

oh my god i legit thought she was gonna brain julian with the kettle lmaoooo i love the way they do diegetic sound design

I kinda hope francis gets to kill julian ngl. i love julian but i just think its what francis deserves

"The Gigante and the Maroni families" not sal putting sofia's name first. this feels too prominent. i am scared

Oh boy oh boy oh boy if this wasn't a penguin show this would feel like a perfect place for Sal to twoface his opponent

Wow is sal dying of a heart attack. Right now? Bro. Timing.

Huh. I see what they're doing, with the stolen valor and the robbed victory. But I wish they'd set up the heart condition earlier.

Oh boy is this where Sofia breaks bad and kills a kiddo. Oh my god wait Gia is in a kid's psychiatric hospital Sofia literally reenacting her own trauma on this preteen she is so full of problems

SOFIA TURNING INTO HER DAD AND ALSO JULIAN HAHAHAHA

THIS IS A GIFT SOFIA BABY YOU NUTCASE

god i am glad she confessed though. like it was in the worst way possible to say that to a child but.

this is the only time we have seen sofia cry. not even when she found alberto.

DR SUBDROP DOING RAVE SHIT

sofia speedrunning self awareness in the penultimate episode

i am slightly afraid again that julian is gonna lobotomize sofia

sofia you were so close baby. you could have just walked away with your boy toy and a bag of cash and gone to metropolis

she should have gotten free wahhhhhhhhhh

we all know it's not gonna happen

we all know its not gonna happen

my heart is fucking palpatating rn

i need to pause my fucking blood pressure

IS SOFIA RUNNING FOR MAYOR. I WANT SOFIA TO RUN FOR MAYOR

AHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

OH MY GOD BOMB SHELTERING IN HIS BROTHERS GRAVES

HAHHAHAAH my prediction of Oz blowing it all to block sofia + sal was the wrong way around oh my god i love her so much

Oh wow. Wooowwwwww. Young Oz really breaking his mother and making her into the woman who makes him a monster.

is it bad i want him to find his brothers skulls down here. is that bad.

boo it didnt happen.

Wow mr cop actually came back huh.

well i was totally off base on everything!!! i am so happy

[historia-vitae-magistras]

Please let us be a part of your thoughts about francis childhood! 🥹

To begin, before the haute frogs get on my case for something, as always my takes are historical fiction or even more accurately historical fantasy and is me fitting together as many of my niche interests into a plotline as possible. It's not me slapping some iconoclast label on myself coming to destroy European values or whatever someone's going to put in the box this time. Yes they probably suck, yes I know I'm some uncultured turnip fucking inbred North American peasant. No, I don't really care. Just keep scrolling and let me post one thing about France without getting a six part message in the box.

So in 52 BC, little baby François pops into existence to his 'mother' (I don't do bio parents but they mimic human relationships) Parisii. She's a somewhat more minor figure, existing as a client-kingdom to the larger Senonii. Some dingbat working for a municipal archive mislabelled a coin as having a nymph-like feature on it and I had the absolutely brilliant idea to link maman up there with Mélusine from whom a lot of noble and royal families would claim descent. Rome, Lucius, has taken Greece, Hélène, to wife and wanted to claim François and continue expanding his role as pater familias. The representative of the Arverni or Gaul, whom I'm now thinking of as a somewhat more rugged version of adult François was trying to build a coalition to coparent the world's most high strung child kick out the Romans. But Lucius won, and Papa Gaul spent the rest of his life chugging Roman wine and being bitter. Parisii (really need a name here) and her bouncing baby boy became a favoured mistress and one of Lucius' favourite protégés.

He grows up the quintessential Roman boy. Bright, brutal and pure bonhomme. He's a handsome, fair boy. The spitting image of Arverni/Gaul but sleek and fair. He could throw a spear, recite Homer and picked out the most stylish sandals from Rome. He was perhaps the best debater of all the sons of Rome, a politician and social butterfly.

And he's a bitter disappointment to Arverni. François has always been able to ride a horse, fight and meet the metrics of cultural masculinity but his heart lay in the abstract and artistic. The arts, philosophy. His mother might be getting railed by his stepfather but François doesn't mind at all because Helene is regaling him with stories about Strabo, Plato, and Diogènes. He had a crush on the memory of Alexander the Great. But in all things, he was sociable. All the sunniness of his Mediterranean shore around people. He could charm his way out of the colleseum if he'd needed too. He's a leader in that way the charming and polished those following hardly notice until subjugated are.

[mayhemchicken-varneyposting]

Varney the Vampire, Chapter 23: That Satisfaction Due From One Gentleman To Another

[Previous chapter] [Next chapter]

Charles sits his uncle down and tells him his secret plan: he intends to duel Varney. The admiral thinks this is a fantastic plan, to the point of wanting to also duel Varney, but Charles asks him not to, and to instead look after Flora financially if anything should happen to him. The admiral agrees; he also agrees to be Charles' second in the duel, and Charles writes out a formal challenge for him to deliver to Varney. The admiral leaves, along with Jack Pringle, on his errand.

While he is gone, Charles works himself up thinking about dueling Varney, including making plans for how to keep him from coming back in case he really is a vampire. He reflects that, based on the appearance of the portrait, Varney must be around 150 years old, and marvels at the thought of what he must have witnessed in that time. Finally, he resolves that his duel with Varney must surely be life or death - either Varney dies, or he does.

Admiral Bell meets with Varney and delivers the challenge. Varney casually insinuates that he will kill Charles if they duel. The Admiral now reveals his own secret plan, which is to offer to duel Varney in his nephew's stead. Varney points out that this is highly unusual, but agrees. He continues to talk as though the death of his opponent is a foregone conclusion, and insists on using swords, which the admiral is peeved by. Varney winds the admiral up a bunch with his usual brand of mannerly insults before sending him on his way.

Oh baby, the DUELS are here. Let's fucking go.

Charles' written challenge to Varney is the most hilariously roundabout way of saying "I want to fight you" I think I've ever read.

"To SIR FRANCIS VARNEY. "Sir,—The expressions made use of towards me by you, as well as general circumstances, which I need not further allude to here, induce me to demand of you that satisfaction due from one gentleman to another. My uncle, Admiral Bell, is the bearer of this note, and will arrange preliminaries with any friend you may choose to appoint to act in your behalf. I am, sir, yours, &c. "CHARLES HOLLAND."

This is so vague. The first sentence of this could just as easily be asking Varney out. (Imagine.)

The admiral is acting slightly suspicious as he accepts the letter; secretly, he's plotting to challenge Varney in Charles' stead. Once he's gone, Charles is left to stew in the pre-duel anticipation, which I imagine is about the same feeling I get when I have to make a phone call.

Rymer seems, at times, almost resentful of the fact that there's a vampire in his vampire story about vampires. It's the way he talks about the characters like they're being silly for believing in vampires, in his story he's written about a world which contains real vampires.

It was strange to imagine that such was the force of many concurrent circumstances, that a young man like Charles Holland, of first-rate abilities and education, should find it necessary to give in so far to a belief which was repugnant to all his best feelings and habits of thought, as to be reasoning with himself upon the best means of preventing the resuscitation of the corpse of a vampyre.

Yeah of course he should find it necessary to believe in vampires in your fucking vampire novel, Rymer, what do you WANT from him.

I'm convinced, by now, that the author has no conception of how long a hundred years is. First there was all that business about rates of decay, in which he was convinced that a coffin sealed in a stone vault for a hundred years would decay away to nothing, and now, well...

"That portrait," he thought, "on the panel, is the portrait of a man in the prime of life. If it be the portrait of Sir Francis Varney, by the date which the family ascribe to it he must be nearly one hundred and fifty years of age now." This was a supposition which carried the imagination to a vast amount of strange conjectures. "What changes he must have witnessed about him in that time," thought Charles. "How he must have seen kingdoms totter and fall, and how many changes of habits, of manners, and of customs must he have become a spectator of."

150 years is only about two lifetimes, it's not like he witnessed the collapse of the Roman Empire. What kingdoms are you talking about? (This gets even sillier if we assume the story is set in the late 18th/early 19th century, as is insinuated at one point, because in that case Charles himself would have been alive for multiple revolutions.)

It would be aside from the object of these pages, which is to record facts as they occurred,

Oh, is it now, Rymer? Is it really? What important facts were being recorded when you went on a tangent about construction projects in Kent? Or when you paused the narrative to soapbox about religion for multiple paragraphs? Or the entirety of chapter 19?

The admiral knew well he could trust Jack with any secret, for long habits of discipline and deference to the orders of superiors takes off the propensity to blabbing which, among civilians who are not accustomed to discipline, is so very prevalent.

This is just...patently not true about Jack. Also further revealing of Rymer's shitty beliefs, which we've seen earlier in the form of the Bannerworth's servants gossiping about the vampire attack to the entire surrounding countryside. This "poor people be gossiping" idea keeps getting worse throughout the story, too.

"Confound the fellow!" muttered the old admiral, "he is well lodged at all events. I should say he was not one of those sort of vampyres who have nowhere to go to but their own coffins when the evening comes."

An interesting statement coming from the guy who keeps getting vampires mixed up with mermaids. Many of the vampire superstitions raised in the story are not true within its worldbuilding, but I like to imagine there are indeed vampires of the coffin-dwelling sort in the Varneyverse, and Varney simply isn't one of them. (Or he is, and that's why he can never get a peaceful night's sleep.)

Now we reach a real treat: Admiral Bell and Varney interacting. You will recall that Varney loves winding people up until they snap, and that Admiral Bell is already perpetually wound up. A conversation between them, therefore, ought to be incredibly entertaining, and it does not disappoint.

"Why, he is a young man just, as you say, entering into life, and I cannot help thinking it would be a pity to cut him off like a flower in the bud, so very soon." "Oh, you make quite sure, then, of settling him, do you?" "My dear sir, only consider; he might be very troublesome, indeed; you know young men are hot-headed and troublesome. Even if I were only to maim him, he might be a continual and never-ceasing annoyance to me. I think I should be absolutely, in a manner of speaking, compelled to cut him off." "The devil you do!" "As you say, sir."

(First speaker Varney, second Admiral Bell)

Varney remains pleasant and good-natured throughout the conversation, which only serves to wind up the admiral all the more. He's also being an annoying little shit, of course, which doesn't help. Behind it all, however, is a fairly serious threat. Varney isn't simply confident in his ability to kill any challenger, he takes it as an obvious fact.

"Ay, with swords; but I must have everything properly arranged, so that no blame can rest on me, you know. As you will be killed, you are safe from all consequences, but I shall be in a very different position; so, if you please, I must have this meeting got up in such a manner as shall enable me to prove, to whoever may question me on the subject, that you had fair play."

Speaking of swords, we get more witty vampire insinuations from Varney.

"I cling to the customs and the fashions of my youth," said Varney. "I have been, years ago, accustomed always to wear a sword, and to be without one now vexes me." "Pray, how many years ago?" "I am older than I look, but that is not the question."

I never get tired of him doing this.

And now...okay, I know the purpose of this series is to keep people from having to read Varney the Vampire, and pasting in huge chunks of text is antithetical to that purpose, but goddammit I just enjoy this next part too much. I'll break it up with commentary so it's not such a huge wall of text.

"Is that all?" "Not quite. I will have a surgeon on the ground, in case, when I pink you, there should be a chance of saving your life. It always looks humane." "When you pink me?" "Precisely."

I love the line "It always looks humane." It really highlights his skewed priorities, and the way he treats the death of his opponent as a foregone conclusion not even worth fretting over.

"Upon my word, you take these affairs easy. I suppose you have had a few of them?" "Oh, a good number. People like yourself worry me into them, I don't like the trouble, I assure you; it is no amusement to me. I would rather, by a great deal, make some concession than fight, because I will fight with swords, and the result is then so certain that there is no danger in the matter to me." "Hark you, Sir Francis Varney. You are either a very clever actor, or a man, as you say, of such skill with your sword, that you can make sure of the result of a duel. You know, therefore, that it is not fair play on your part to fight a duel with that weapon." "Oh, I beg your pardon there. I never challenge anybody, and when foolish people will call me out, contrary to my inclination, I think I am bound to take what care of myself I can."

He may sound flippant here, but Varney really is mostly averse to violence, finding duels annoying and tedious and preferring to run from a conflict whenever possible. I won't say this is a consistent character trait of his, because there are a number of later chapters which blatantly contradict this characterization, but it does come up fairly often, and several times is milked for angst. That's right, Varney is the original tragic tortured unwilling monster vampire, and every adaptor who's ever done that with Dracula owes me 20 bucks.

"D—n me, there's some reason in that, too," said the admiral; "but why do you insult people?" "People insult me first." "Oh, nonsense!" "How should you like to be called a vampyre, and stared at as if you were some hideous natural phenomenon?" "Well, but—" "I say, Admiral Bell, how should you like it? I am a harmless country gentleman, and because, in the heated imaginations of some member of a crack-brained family, some housebreaker has been converted into a vampyre, I am to be pitched upon as the man, and insulted and persecuted accordingly."

"People insult me first," he says, grinning while showing all of his big sharp vampire teeth and constantly making little verbal jabs at literally everyone he talks to.

Varney voice how dare you call me out for being rude when I'm literally neurodivergent and a vampire

"But you forget the proofs." "What proofs?" "The portrait, for one." "What! Because there is an accidental likeness between me and an old picture, am I to be set down as a vampyre? Why, when I was in Austria last, I saw an old portrait of a celebrated court fool, and you so strongly resemble it, that I was quite struck when I first saw you with the likeness; but I was not so unpolite as to tell you that I considered you were the court fool turned vampyre." "D—n your assurance!" "And d—n yours, if you come to that."

Damn, roast him Varney.

After Admiral Bell leaves, so frothing mad that he kicks Varney's servant on the way out the door (uncalled for), he starts to worry about what he's going to tell Charles, now that he's arranged the particulars for his own duel instead of for Charles' like he was supposed to. Yeah, dude, maybe you should have thought about that beforehand.

Next: Varney asks Charles out arranges a not-at-all-suspicious meeting

[vanfleeter]

Matched: Chapter 10 - The Little Family

Characters: Jake Kiszka x Thea Foster Warnings: 18+ as always. Fluff. Pregnancy. Mentions of child birth. Smut. Allusions to sex. A/N: Final chapter is here! It's a shorty but a goodie. Thank you for tagging along on this journey, but we ain't done with this world just yet! ;)

A couple months into the tour, we found out we would be expecting a boy to which everyone was thrilled about, including myself. Henry Francis would soon be coming into this world. My dream is slowly coming true. I’m married to the love of my life and having a baby boy, the first boy of the trio that we both want.

As her pregnancy progressed, we were all taking extra precautions. One of us, if not all of us, were constantly checking in on her and making sure that she and the baby were doing alright. Most days she spent on the bus or the hotel room to rest due to back pain or swollen feet.

And it wasn’t until we made it to New York when things started to change.. The tour ended the night before with an electric send off. Today all of us decided to head out to the zoo, do something fun before we head back to Nashville.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” I ask as I help her tie on her shoes.

“Yes, I’m fine.” Thea sighs as she rubs her stomach. “He’s just been moving so much, it’s making me highly uncomfortable.”

“And you’re sure walking around like this is also okay?”

“Yes, Jake,” She giggles. “I need to move. I’m getting tired of being cooped up in here all the time. I’ve missed half your shows because of the nausea and back pain. I’m sick of it.”

I help her stand from the bed and she straightens out her clothes.

“Plus, if I stay here any longer, I’m going to go insane..”

I chuckle and kiss her forehead. “Alright then come on.. The guys are waiting downstairs in the van.. Josh is way too eager to go see the monkeys.”

Thea giggles and slides on her sweater. “That’s because he is one..”

That he is..

On the elevator ride down, I can see her holding the side of her stomach as she winces. “Are you okay?” I ask.

She nods her head. “Yeah.. He’s just testing out his soccer skills apparently..”

I chuckle and press my hand to her stomach. “Hey little man, relax there. Mama’s not your soccer ball.” She smiles and rests her hand over mine.

The doors open and we step out to join the guys in the lobby of the hotel. “Hey pretty mama!” Josh exclaims as he gives Thea a hug. “Finally getting out for some fresh air.”

“Yeah, finally.. I don’t feel like my back is going to break every time I stand.”

“Well I’m glad you could join us today. How is the baby?” He asks as he leads her out of the hotel.

“Forget the baby, how are you?” Danny says as he steps beside me. We walk out of the hotel together with Sam following close behind with Rose. “Getting much sleep at all?”

I blow out a breath and roll my eyes. “Here’s a little tip for you, Daniel.. Don’t get a woman pregnant.”

Danny laughs and slaps me on the back. “Not for a long while,” He says. “I’m still in my prime brother.”

“Shut the fuck up..” I say rolling my eyes.

“But seriously, how are you?”

“I’m exhausted.. She wakes me up in the middle of the night to get her food.. Food we don’t have.. And then because I told her we don’t have it and the hotel kitchen is closed–and half the city–she gets so angry with me, as if it’s my fault.”

Danny chuckles, shaking his head. “You’re a married man now, it will always be your fault.”

We made it through the whole zoo and back to the van before Thea started getting uncomfortable. “When we get back to the room, I’ll start a warm bath and give you a massage,” I tell her as I let her rest her head on my shoulder.

“I’m next after her,” Josh jokes from the front seat.

Suddenly Thea sits up, her hand clutching my thigh. “Jake..”

“Hmm?”

“We might not be making it to the hotel.”

Josh turns back around in the front seat to face us. “Why are we not making it to the hotel?”

“Umm.. I think..” She swallows and looks up at me with nervous eyes. “I think my water broke.”

Sam and Danny lean forward behind us. “You think?” Sam asks.

“Have you been having any contractions at all?” I ask as I turn in the seat.

“No.. But if I peed my pants, then it was a lot,” She nervously laughs.

“We’ll take you still,” Josh says. “Just to be sure.”

A couple hours later after arriving at the hospital and getting her looked at, I’m heading back out to the waiting room. My heart is pounding but a huge grin is plastered on my face. Josh is the first to see me when I walk through doors and he stands to his feet. “What’s the verdict?”

“Guess we’re having the baby today,” I say, shrugging my shoulders. “But we have absolutely nothing with us here. It’s all back on the bus.”

“Don’t worry, we’re on it.” He says.

“Oh hey Sam,” I say, grabbing his arm. “Do you mind calling Mom and filling her in?”

He smiles and nods his head. “Of course,” He says. He wraps his arms around me, pulling me in for a hug. “Congrats brother.”

I chuckle and hug him back. “Thank you. But I gotta head back to the room.”

“Hey Jake?” I hear Josh call as I start heading back to the room. I turn around and he’s running up to me and throwing his arms around me. “I’m so happy for you,” He says over my shoulder before pulling away. “Now go have a baby.”

“Thank you.” I say before pulling away completely and going back to the room.

Labor went by quickly and before we both knew it, she was ready to push. “Don’t make me do it.” Thea begs as she holds tightly to my hand.

I smile and kiss her forehead. “You can do it,” I say. “I know you can.”

“I’m scared, Jake.”

“I know you are, but I promise, everything is going to be okay.”

And the birth followed quickly after that. Just as we both predicted, we have our baby boy. His cries filled the room as they placed them on her chest. “Are you crying?” Thea giggles as she looks up at me with tears in her eyes as well. I couldn’t form any words so I opted to nod my head. “You have your boy, Jake.” She says.

Standing by the nursery window, I’m joined by Josh. He wears a proud smile and pulls me in for a hug. “Can’t believe that you’re a dad!” He exclaims. “Now show me which one is yours.” He says, turning us back to face the window.

“Second row, third one from the right.”

“Shut up..” He gasps when he spots the blue cap on the baby’s head.

I eagerly nod my head. “Henry Francis. A whopping six pounds exactly.”

“Damn.. I owe Danny twenty bucks.”

“You were betting on my son’s weight?”

“As if you and Thea didn’t.”

I shrug my shoulders. “I was off by seven ounces.”

Josh chuckles and shakes his head. “Can I hold him? Or do I have to wait?”

I tap on the window, catching the nurses’ attention. She smiles and nods her head before going over to the bassinet. She picks up Henry and carries him out to us in the hallway. She hands him off to me and I turn to face Josh.

“Uncle Joshy,” I say. “Meet your godson, Henry.”

“You made me godfather?”

“Seems only right to do so.”

I carefully hand Henry to Josh. “Six pounds is so tiny.” He chuckles. Henry grunts, his face twisting. “Oh, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Too loud? Yeah, I get that a lot.” Josh looks away from the baby and at me. “How’s Thea doing?”

“Pretty good, super exhausted.”

“Gee, I wonder why,” Josh chuckles. “Is she asleep?”

“Yeah, I told her I’d keep an eye on Henry while she sleeps. She’s afraid of bringing home the wrong baby.”

“Can’t say that I blame her.” Josh says.

Seeing him standing there and holding my kid just doesn’t feel real. None of us imagined us with kids anytime soon. I sure didn’t, until I met Thea. I thought all that was gone for a while there. Believed it. But I finally got her back. And this is where we ended up. Married and building our own little family.

“Besides, you can’t deny that he is your kid,” Josh continues. “He’s got your nose.”

“I spy a tiny, little guy,” I hear Sam say. Turning around, I see him and Danny coming down the hall with a few balloons. “Hi buddy,” He coos as he tickles Henry’s side. Henry squirms slightly in Josh’s arms.

“Knock it off, you’re upsetting him.” Josh says as he swats Sam’s hand away.

“Am not.”

“Are too.”

“Both of you knock it off.” Danny says as he sets the balloons on the floor and removes Henry from Josh’s arms. “The last thing we need is for him to learn on his second day of life that you two are nuts.” He cradles him in his arms and fixes the hat on his head. “He needs at least one stable uncle.”

“And what makes you think you’re the stable one?” Sam quips.

“I’m not the one arguing over upsetting him.”

The nurse comes back out to the hall. “It’s time to be fed,” She says as she scoops the baby out of Danny’s arms. “Pops, are you ready?”

Sam opens his mouth to start saying stuff but I immediately stop him. “With a bottle, dumbass.” I say before following the nurse back into the nursery. I pop my head back out into the hall and sternly point my finger at them. “Do not bother Thea.”

–Three Days Later–

“Is it really safe to have a three day old baby on a tour bus?” Josh asks as he lugs a couple bags onto the bus.

“Probably not but we have to make do with what we got,” I say as I help Thea to the back of the bus.

“Baby is officially on board!” Sam exclaims as he steps onto the bus.

“Would you keep quiet?” Danny scolds. “Last thing we need is for your big mouth to wake the baby.”

I step out of the back room and carefully take the carrier away from Sam. “You wake him, I’ll kill you.”

“Language,” Sam playfully gasps.

I roll my eyes and carry the baby to the back and already Thea is fast asleep. I chuckle and set the carry down on the floor to grab a blanket to cover her up. Hearing little noises coming from the carrier, I look down to see Henry stirring, his face scrunching up. Bending down to unbuckle him, I carefully lift him out and rest him against my chest.

“Welcome to the tour bus buddy,” I say as I gently sway from side to side as I gently pat his back. “We’ll be home soon and then you can sleep in your actual bed–after I get it put together.”

After a day on the road and a very sleepless night, we finally made it back home.

“Jake, are you sure I can’t help with anything?” Thea asks from the front door.

“Nope, I got it.” I say as I carry our suitcases up to the front door, including Henry’s suitcase. Apparently Josh decided he needed his own. He’s not even a week old yet, why would he need a suitcase?

“Jake..”

“I’ve got it,” I say as I stumble through the front door. “See?”

Thea rolls her eyes and goes back to the living room. “If your back hurts tomorrow, I don’t want to hear it.”

“As if it doesn’t already..” I grumble as I follow behind her. “He’s not even a week old and he’s already taking up space.. I was so far up against the wall of the bus the whole night. Felt like I was sleeping on a board.”

“Well now he’ll be in his own bed,” She says. “Once you get it put together.”

“Why do I have to put it together?”

“Because you volunteered.. And because you’re the daddy.”

I sigh and lay my head back against the couch. “Right.. Superdad,” I say, throwing my fist in the air. Pushing off the couch, I head upstairs to the guest room that we decided would be Henry’s bedroom. I stare at the box of the unassembled crib pieces and place my hands on my hips. This is going to take a while.

“I thought you were "Superdad".” Thea smirks as she leans against the doorframe.

“I was.. Until I started reading the instructions.” I hold up the instruction manual. “So I called in the brains.”

Sam pops up from behind the crib with a screwdriver in his hand. “That would be me.”

“And I see you stole the baby too?”

I look down at the sleeping baby in my lap and sucking on his pacifier. “Can’t steal what’s mine,” I wink at her. “Plus he was crying and you were asleep.”

“Kid’s got a set of lungs on him too.” Sam says as he steps out from behind the crib. “Alright “superdad”, help me with the mattress.”

Gently standing to my feet, I hand off Henry to Thea before going over to the mattress and helping Sam lift it into the crib. He proudly stands off to the side with his hands on his hips. “Well, I say we did a pretty damn good job, brother.” He says.

“Shall we test it out?”

“Well, I guess but I’m a bit big-”

“I meant the baby!” I quip as I slap my hand across his chest.

“Oh, right, the baby.”

Rolling my eyes, I turn back to Thea and take Henry back. He grunts a little, his face scrunching up. “Shh, shh, it’s alright,” I say as I rock him back and forth. “We’re gonna try out your new bed.” I carefully lat him inside the crib and watch him as he settles down and goes back to sleep.

“So I take it he likes the new bed.” Sam chuckles.

“This might be a good time to slip out.” Thea says.

The three of us quietly leave the bedroom and head back downstairs. “All of that crib building made me hungry.” Sam says as he heads for the kitchen.

Thea starts to follow after him but I grab her hand and pull her back to me. I looked around the corner to make sure that Sam was out of sight before I pulled her in for a kiss.

“What was that for?” She asks when we pull apart.

“Just wanted to show you how much I love you,” I say as I wrap my arms around her. “A lot’s changed in the last year between us and I couldn’t be happier. I’m married to the love of my life and we have a beautiful baby upstairs that we created together.” I pull her closer to me, pressing my hips into hers. “What if we left Sam to his own devices and went back upstairs?”

Thea laughs and straightens out of my shirt. “I just gave birth, Jacob. Give me some time.”

“Six weeks?” I wag my eyebrows.

“Stop your research.” She says, pointing a finger at me. “More than that.” She pulls away and starts going towards the kitchen.

“So how much time?”

She shrugs her shoulders as she turns back around. “A year.”

“A y–What?”

“You heard me.” “No sex for a year? That’s torture.” Thea only winks before turning on her feet again and going into the kitchen. “Dorothea!”

Thank you again for following along on this journey! Like I said, we are not done yet! Coming soon to devices near you, is the prequel? sequel? to Matched:

Jake kept a this journal for the six months left of his boat trip, recounting his adventures and writing them as if he were writing to Thea. The "letters" and postcards that were never meant to be sent. Now he gives them to Thea, wanting to be honest and open about his past as he fought to get over her and the love she never reciprocated at the time.

Release date: TBD

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Want to be added to my general tag list? Please reach out and I'll be happy to add you! ♡

If you are missing from the list, I do apologize--I may have missed you or tumblr won't let me tag you! But please reach out and let me know if you do not see yourself and I will work on getting that fixed!

[henghost]

Twig Liveblog for Arc 10

an arc double-stuffed with pain and suffering... from the very beginning i had a weight in my stomach even before anything crazy had happened. there's a real sense of inevitability: sy feels that it's inevitable that he will leave, that he will disappoint lillian, and i gotta say he's probably right, awful as it may be. i've alluded before to the fundamental contradiction between sy and lillian--their radically different relationships to the academy--and here it finally comes to a head. this is not to say, however, that sy handled it in the best way possible lmao. in many ways he made the worst decisions possible, though ultimately i support his decision to leave. for all the questions of morality in this arc, none but sy have remembered the major moral imperative here: harming the academy by any means possible.

in that vein, i read lainie as a kind of lillian from a different angle. and upper class girl who becomes enamored with sy and his rebel attitude, his monstrousness, his alterity. take the dinner with the parents chapter, for example: it came into sharp relief the extent to which lillian likes sy precisely because it pisses them off. it would drive me insane too. of course, sy ultimately forces lainie to leave her bourgeois life behind, so perhaps there is reason for optimism.

it's a similar situation with mary, though her reasons for staying with the academy are a little less understandable, frankly. was not her problem with percy that he was using children for his evil experiments? is that not exactly what the academy is doing with the people she loves?? anyway, she's amazing this arc. the shooting scene was an all-timer: one must imagine me sitting alone in my bedroom just going "OH NO OH NO OH NO" over and over again. in my twigfic where everything will be perfect sy will manipulate her and they will run away together and kiss and be happy. here's how they could still get together in canon.........

the fight with the baron was very satisfying. the duel in the hollowed out church was some s-tier wildbow-pilled over-the-top anime-style battle. the image of him just lobbing a giant ass rapier at this thirteen-year-old killed me lmao. meanwhile, with the duke of francis out of action, the lord infante is my new noblekin. that guy is so fucking cool. like i know he's evil but still. i want to be him.

and then jamie is the only lamb who came to join sy and in such tearjerking way 😭 the relationship between neojamie and the previous jamie seems so touching--some kind of terrible duty. i'm not honestly sure that i could do the same. it speaks to his essential sweetness... poor baby.

PREDICTIONS (or, embarrassing myself for your entertainment)

helen will kill ibbot (the interlude confirmed for me that he is "daddy")

the need for wyvern will force sy into fray's camp (pleaseeeee)

lamb factionalism will cause strife in radham (duncan + lil vs. ashton + helen et al.??)