#Executive Rehabs

[just-about-nothing]

whyd dc cuck oliver queen by making him rich again we have bruce we dont need two billionaire assholes running around we need one billionaire asshole and a blond asshole who wants to redistribute his wealth more than anything else and theyre constantly fighting about it

i hear your bruce & oliver were frenemies in boarding school headcanon & raise you actually oliver has no money & thinks bruce is lame as fuck for being rich and wants to fight him on sight for it

[thepointemaliburecoverycenter]

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[reiners-milkbiddies]

Not me calling myself out lmao

I feel like in order to date a member of Bonten you have to be unhinged in some form

[tossawary]

There has to be a term already for when stories accumulate this... "narrative debt" that they end up not paying back. When stories fail to stick the landing when it comes to character development or thematic development, a mismatch between what the beginning of the story apparently constructed and what the final scenes ultimately ended up being.

I want to compare it to "The Empty Mystery Box Problem", almost, where the story lays on twisty element after twisty element to pull you into some great mystery, only to ultimately reveal that the writers never had a cool explanation for any of this and were pretty much just jerking the audience around to keep them watching for as long as possible. It has a similar feeling of investing your attention, only to get nothing satisfying and to feel betrayed for caring.

There's a disconnect between author and audience. A sense that perhaps the author, who has their own visions in mind, is not even aware of what they ended up depicting in the execution. As an audience member, I do sometimes have to ask myself, "Was I just projecting my own arcs onto this while the author wanted to do something different? Am I upset just because I didn't get the resolution I anticipated?" And sometimes I come to the conclusion that, no, if the author always intended for the story what they claimed, then they did it badly, and the parts that I found resonant were definitely there, just... perhaps done accidentally and/or carelessly.

Like, let's say that there's some show that ends up depicting a protagonist who has substance abuse issues.

The show repeatedly shows the audience that the protagonist feels dependent on alcohol, we see lots of shots of them drinking, often at very inappropriate times. As the plot goes on, the show even appears to be showing us the consequences of this addiction, in that the character's relentless over-drinking apparently negatively affects their job performance, their love life, their relationships with friends and family. The character is miserable, perhaps even explicitly expresses some of their depressed feelings, and it seems obvious that taking a known depressant is a big part of this tangle. There may even be some looming threat that if the protagonist doesn't get this issue under control or get help, there will be even more serious consequences.

So, we've spent aaaaall of this screentime dwelling on this obvious character problem, but then... well, one way for the story to handle it poorly is to just not handle it. It's just never really addressed. A potentially great character arc about someone struggling with addiction just fizzles out because the plot climax takes up so much space that you think... maybe the writers... somehow forgot that they made unhealthy alcohol dependence an enormous part of the character's life? Maybe???

Like, there's not even a visual cue at the end that the character is now making an effort to tackle their addiction or something. There's not even a single line of dialogue in the epilogue to tell us that the protagonist went through rehab and they're sober now or something. What you may have read as a very serious problem just vanishes overnight. A story element that ate up aaaaall that screentime just never gets any satisfying resolution.

I'm not saying here that I need to see the story handhold a character through the rehabilitation process. It's not a requirement that all characters overcome their addiction by the end of the story. Sometimes, a story ends a little sadly, yeah, or is an outright tragedy. Sometimes, one problem is solved and another sticks around. I just think it's disorienting when I THOUGHT that the story was trying to actually say something about substance abuse, they spent all this fucking time showing us scenes that revolved around that element, and it turns out that the writers were like, "Oh, yeah, I guess! We weren't really thinking about that as a serious problem. We mostly just had the protagonist drinking all the time because it looked cool, and I guess that part ties in pretty well with how they were fucking up their life, actually, but we dropped it because we didn't think it was important."

The OTHER way for a story to handle an arc like this poorly is to do a total reversal at the end. The author is not only blissfully unaware that they have been telling a nuanced story about substance abuse until now, they don't even think that addiction is real. The ending yells really loudly: "Not ONLY is this character's drinking actually NOT a problem! It helps them save the day! And also every other character has been super mean to them about this; everyone else needs to grovel at the protagonist's feet and apologize for saying super mean things like, 'Don't you think it's inappropriate to show up drunk to a child's birthday party?' Because the WORLD would have ENDED if the badass protagonist hadn't been doing the objectively correct thing of being hammered all of the time."

At which point, the only thing to do is leave the show behind, because caring about it is a waste of time. But it's hard to stop thinking about it because the show paid all of this time... into a narrative element that felt SO obvious and crucial and like it was going somewhere... and it was an accident??? Like, the story was good when it was making all of these interesting promises, until the end came around and it turns out that it couldn't pay the bills and/or never had any intention of paying.

"The Empty Mystery Box Problem" except the box is wide open the entire fucking time and there's cool stuff in it, but the writers apparently aren't paying attention to the box or what they're putting in it!?!?!

[zeltqz]

𝐖𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄𝐒 [𝐑𝐄𝐕𝐀𝐌𝐏𝐄𝐃] ONE

| coming back after leaving the country for eight years, you reunite with old friends, family, and ex boyfriends.

pairing. ex!ran x fem!reader

word count. 7.9k (long sorry not sorry)

series synopsis. bonten is forming and in the midst of it all, you find yourself caught in the sticky webs of your ex boyfriend and current bonten executive, haitani ran.

content. angst, first meetings, mentions of alcoholic mother in rehab, drinking mentions, bonten timeline, smoking mentions from Ran in flashback

a/n: nothing too bad this chapter but there's smut next chapter, promise 💯😎

November 2005

“Shion,” you groaned and rubbed your head, massaging your scalp to try and tame your roaring headache. “Is your room available? I drank too much.”

“HUH?!” he yelled in your ear, unable to hear him over the music. Given your location, you didn’t get mad at him for screaming at you considering the fact you’re at a party with loud music. But still, it was probably the worst thing he could’ve done. 

“I said—” You raised your voice slightly, moving to speak in his ear. “Can I go to your room?”

He took another chug of his drink and nodded, pointing up the stairs. “First room on the left.” You planted a kiss on his cheek and thanked him before stumbling up from the couch. Following his instructions, you were on your way upstairs but the amount of moving bodies as they danced took up space, making you confused so you opened the first door you saw and locked it behind you.

You wasted no time before flopping onto his bed, fisting his sheets as you groaned when your headache thumped again. The sheets were so comfortable and warm you almost fell asleep. The door opened again suddenly and you fought back another groan when the booming music from downstairs passed through and blasted your ears. 

“Shion, close the damn door,” you said tiredly, uncaring about the aggression in your voice.

“Hot girl in my bed, that’s new,” the voice said suddenly and you stilled. Using all your strength, you blinked up at the man in the doorway. He was tall, holding onto a lighter in one hand, braids slipping past his shoulders. 

“This isn’t your bed…it’s Shion’s,” you groaned, explaining slowly. The headache makes your tone sound more annoyed than you’d planned on using, especially  with meeting a hot stranger. “Now shut the door.”

He snorted. “Shion’s is next door. This is my room.”

Your head pulsed sharply when you sat up instantly, spitting out rapid fire apologies as you knelt on his bed and redressed the sheets you crumpled from its neat position from lying down starfish on his bed. “I’m so so so sorry.”

"'S cool." His eyes were only focused on one thing, the sight of your dress riding up your thigh as you reached forwards, sliding your hands across the sheets to smooth them down and fluff up his pillows. The sight of your bare thigh was sensual, making him wish for nothing more than to reach out and run his fingers along it. He bet your skin was soft, inviting even, and his hands itched to sink his fingers into its warmth. The hunger stirred within his body as he watched you push the dress back down, covering your thigh once again as you slid off his bed, locking eyes with him. His eyes travelled up your body quickly until they stopped at your face, the intensity caused you to look away, flustered.

"So..." you started, swinging your awkwardly stiff arms by your side. "I'm gonna go..." you said, unable to handle the awkward situation.

"There's no point. There's a couple in there, you know how parties get."

"Oh," you breathed out, an expression that can be interpreted as sadness or defeat crossing your features.

"You can stay here though. As long as you don't mind smoking," he gestured to the lighter in his hands, and the unrolled joint tucked between his two fingers.

"I don't mind."

"Cool." He kicked the door shut behind him and moved to sit on his bed and pat the spot next to him. You were a little hesitant before stepping over to the bed, shifting backwards until your back pressed against his cold wall and crossed your legs.

"Why're you so far back? Come closer," he said, reaching out a hand, motioning with his free hand for you to come forward. You shook your head meekly, lightly scratching your nails down your arm. "C'monnn," he insisted, reaching out a hand and gently pulling you towards him.

Your protests were ignored before you sighed and allowed him to pull you forward. You sat next to him, intimidated by the proximity of your skin to his. His scent washed over you, causing goose bumps to rise on your skin as you plucked at the loose thread on his blanket.

He put the joint in his mouth, and nudged at your knee to grab your attention. "Do me a favour. Grab that candle in my drawer for me."

You obediently got up and crawled to the end of the bed, idly pulling down your dress when it rode up too far and opened his drawer. You were oblivious to his gaze down your legs, his strong eyes now turning red as he took a hit, blowing smoke through his nostrils.

"Is this the candle?" you asked, bringing out a lavender scented candle and waved it around.

He squinted his eyes to get a better look at it. "Yeah," he muttered, shifting onto his back, kicking a leg up and lacing his hand behind his head.

"Why do you have so many candles? Do you smoke a lot?" you asked, handing it to him and fitting yourself back next to him.

He was still relaxed, inhaling the smoke deeply and shook his head. "Only when I'm stressed," he exhaled, lifting his head back and blowing the smoke out into the air. You shifted on the bed, nervousness clawing at your insides as you found your eyes drawn to his lips wrapped around the joint. He was quite skilled, keeping his lips taut while smoke puffed out and his jaw clenched. Your heart rate picked up, beating heavily against your chest as you stared at his lips with longing.

As if sensing your unease, his eyes locked with yours, staring at you intensely for several seconds before he cleared his throat and removed the joint from his mouth.

"Why are you so nervous around me?" he asked, noticing the change in your behaviour.

You glanced up at him, surprised at his question. "Um, I'm not."

His eyebrows rose up to his forehead. "Sure you aren't. You're practically running away whenever we make eye contact." He reached out to poke your knee, laughing when you jumped slightly. "See? You're so jumpy, relax." His laughter calmed you down somewhat, allowing you to meet his gaze for longer than five seconds. He offered you the joint and you shook your head.

"You nervous? Never smoked before or something?" he asked, tilting his head to the side as he spoke.

You looked down at your lap, shaking your head. "Yeah, never. I can't handle the smell."

"No one likes the smell. It's about how it makes you feel," he responded, the words coming out slow as the joint began to take its course inside his body. He rolled his neck, working out any tension he felt and ran the tip of his tongue along his bottom lip.

You snorted, hiding a giggle between your palm. He looked over at you, raising an eyebrow at you but smiled and asked, "What's so funny?"

"You sound like a hippie," you giggled again, recounting his words and lowering your voice to match his pitch. "It's about how it makes you feel," you said between laughs.

He was too high to really understand what you were saying, but found himself laughing anyway. Eventually the laughing slowed down and the both of you sat silently. You were watching intently as he took another hit before offering it to you again.

Feeling more comfortable, you accepted and shifted closer to him as he sat up, leaning his body weight onto one elbow. Ran held it up to your lips and your eyes met as he instructed you on what to do.

"Inhale," he said, pausing briefly to watch your lips purse around the joint before continuing. "Slowly...hold it...now exhale," he finished, smiling encouragingly when you sucked in deeply. The smoke filled your lungs and you panicked, pulling away before exhaling and coughing harshly as your lungs protested the smoke.

Ran burst into laughter and shoved the joint back into his mouth, taking an easy hit as you doubled over, fighting to catch your breath as you tried to breathe properly. A heatwave flushed over your body when you looked back up and heard him laughing at you.

"Stop laughing! It's not funny," you protested, opting between smacking him or suffocating him when he didn't stop laughing. A pillow was right there and nobody would know it was you...but you shook the thought away and grabbed the pillow instead, throwing it at him.

He swatted it away, breathing heavily from laughing. "Alright, I'll stop, I'll stop." He shifted so he was sitting upright against the headboard. "Wanna give it another try?"

"Fuck no," you hissed, shaking your head and pointing and the tiny joint. "That's a whole murder weapon. I don't know how you do it."

"Your lungs are just weak, sweetheart."

"Sweetheart?" you blinked, caught off guard for a moment and flustered from his teasing.

"Well, I don't know your name so," he shrugged, taking another hit, blowing the smoke in your face and laughing when another round of coughs erupted from your lungs.

"You never asked for my name," you retorted, placing your chin on your knees. "Do you wanna know?"

"Is it necessary?" he questioned, lazily playing with the thin strands of hair sticking to his forehead. "How badly do you wanna tell me?"

"Not that badly. I don't really care," you shrugged.

"You just want me to keep calling you sweetheart. I can see right through you," he grinned widely, flashing his teeth at you. You pursed your lips, trying to keep them in a straight line before failing, breaking into a wide grin of your own.

"Maybe I do... so what?" you lowered your voice suggestively, feeling the failed attempt at hitting a joint float through your system, your body and mind feeling lighter by the second. "Besides, you never told me your name."

His tongue traced the edge of his lips, distracted by the way your eyes were staring at him, full of lust. You took the opportunity to lower your gaze to his mouth, wondering if it tasted as good as it looked. You saw his eyes follow your path and wonder crept in when he stared intently at you.

"C'mere," he whispered, beckoning you over. . When you leaned in close enough, your nose brushed his, sending sparks through your entire body. You instinctively pulled away when he whispered his name into your ear.

"Nice name," you responded, searching his eyes and staring deep into them. He was leaning in slowly, his lips touching yours before stopping just short, creating a confusing mix of emotions within your body.

A fire burnt somewhere in the pit of your stomach as all you could think was his lips against yours. You gripped his shirt tightly in your fists and closed the gap between you, pressing your lips firmly against his. When he felt your lips part, his tongue swept in, running along the edges of your mouth.

Your fingers dug into the sheets when his arm traced down your side, resting against your hip. A low moan rumbled from your chest as you tilted your head to the side, accepting the gracious slide of his lips against yours.

He pulled away after a moment, resting his forehead against yours. He stroked his thumb across your cheek before dragging it down to your lips, wiping the wetness away before leaving his hand splayed on your cheek, forcing you to lift your head up and meet his gaze.

"You gonna tell me your name now?" he demanded, staring directly into your eyes.

You parted your lips to speak before the door burst open and a very worried Shion stumbled through. "What the hell?! Why didn't you tell me you were in here! I thought you died or something!" His words were slurred, the alcohol he'd been drinking kicking into full gear as he did a dramatic double take at the sight of you and Ran on his bed. You were sitting next to him, your dress ridden up your thigh so high you might as well be naked. His eyes travelled up to your face, glaring at the grip Ran had on your cheek. "What the fuck are you doing?"

You pushed yourself away from Ran and fixed up your dress, clearing your throat. "Nothing."

His eyes narrowed and he stepped towards you, gripping your face until you looked up at him. Your eyes were slightly red and he frowned. "...you're high."

"Nah," you scoffed, swatting his hand away. "I'm not."

Shion ignored you and directed his glare over at Ran who was watching the situation with an amused smirk on his face. Shion grabbed onto your arm and helped you slide off the bed and fix your clothes. "Come on I'll get Mira to drive you home."

"Okay," you hummed, turning around to wave at Ran before waiting outside the door.

Shion turned to look at his friend and scowled. "There's hundreds of girls in this house. Sleep with any of them. I don't care, just not her. That’s my fucking friend, okay?"

Before Ran could respond, Shion already turned around and slammed the door behind him.

PRESENT DAY—2015

The entire drive from the airport to your brother’s house was filled with anticipation and silence. Your leg bounced restlessly, chewing on the inside of your cheek as you looked out the window. A familiar feeling of nostalgia washed over your body and reminded you of the last eight years you spent away from this place. Studying abroad was not easy, but definitely worth it. Without the distractions, family drama, (ex) boyfriend drama, you were able to focus on yourself for once, and put your own needs and interests first. You were able to meet new people every day, able to properly form new relationships in university without the fear of people judging you for the mistakes you made in high school. One thing about the neighbourhood you grew up in was that it was a tight-knit community. Everybody was well acquainted with everyone, meaning any gossip or secrets spread around like wildfire. One small mistake and everybody knew within a week. 

Pushing the unpleasant memories aside, it was still good to be back home.

“We’re here,” the driver announced, parking his car outside your brother’s house. His voice snapped you out of your haze, blinking yourself back to reality. The driver was looking back at you, smiling.

“Oh! Thank you so much,” you said heartily, digging in your pockets for your change. You handed it to him and thanked him once more before sliding out of the car. 

Grabbing your suitcase, you took in a deep breath, mentally preparing yourself for the butload of questions your brother will ask you for disappearing randomly for eight years. Your fist hesitates before knocking on the door, biting your lip when you hear the tv inside pause, then a flurry of footsteps.

The door opened and for a moment, the two of you just stared at each other. He’s blinking rapidly, probably busy trying to distinguish the difference between reality and delusion.

“Hi Hiro,” you decided to speak first, worrying your lip between your teeth as you waited for him to say something.

“No,” he shook his head, backing away from the door. “No this isn’t real.”

“It’s real, I’m back.” You smiled, letting go of your suitcase to hold your arms open. Your heart warmed when he pulled you in for a hug, gently swaying you side to side as he took a moment to drink this information in. You don’t blame him for being this tongue-tied, if anything it’s a positive reaction when you were prepared for yelling and arguments. 

“Holy shit, I missed you so much,” he spoke into your shoulder, fighting back from lifting you off the floor. He pulled away and looked at your face again, squishing his hands against your cheeks just to make sure once again he wasn’t hallucinating. “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming back?! I was so worried!”

He finally let you go and stepped aside as you wheeled your suitcase in.

“I was nervous. I thought everybody hated me for leaving,” you admitted, looking guiltily down at the ground. 

“Yeah, that was so uncool,” he responded and you felt a wave of remorse flush through your body. “I just woke up one night to a million calls from Mom telling me you left the country. I didn’t even get to say goodbye, man.”

“I know, Hiro. It was a stupid mistake. I just…” you paused, melancholy flickering on your face, then looked up at him staring you down with a soft look on his face. He knew you were going through a lot back then, but due to your obsession of keeping your personal life a little too personal, he was unable to know anything about you until it was too late and you were already gone. 

You took a moment to take a deep breath, voice shaky as you continued, “I got into an argument with someone, then I fell out with Mira not even an hour later and I just lost it that night. So I checked my emails and saw that University abroad, the one I applied to as a joke, actually accepted me. So I just said fuck it and left. Obviously I regretted it but it was too late for me to go back with the limited money I had, so…yeah.”

“Who did you argue with…?” he asked, fiddling with his hands anxiously. “Who was it?”

You wiped a stray tear that slipped from your eyes and faked a smile, speaking through a watery laugh. “I’d rather not discuss this right now. How have you been?” 

Hiro frowned, disappointed you still didn’t trust anybody enough to talk to them about stuff that’s clearly bothering you, but sighed all the same. “It’s good, man. I got into university too. In my second year right now.”

“Oh my god, which school?” you asked, stepping aside as he carried your suitcase further into the house. “Wait, no. What do you study?”

“I study Computer Science, obviously.”

“Oh yeah. I forgot you were a nerd,” you fake grimaced, laughing when he muttered for you to shut up. “Are you at the top of your class? You always liked computers and…hacking and stuff.”

“Should’ve hacked into that airplane and turned it back around.”

“Yeah, wish you would’ve too,” you sighed, flopping down on the couch. The leather sunk in when you sat, and you inhaled sharply, closing your eyes and taking in the familiar scent of your childhood home. 

Looking around now, the house was fairly empty and dull. It was like the aura had changed, now eerily and dreary. “Hey, Hiro,” you called out to your brother in the kitchen, the sounds of plates being brought out of cabinets comforting you. “Where’s ma? I tried to reach her when I landed but her phone went straight to voicemail.”

“Oh about that…” He stilled for a moment, and you froze, unlike the sound of his tone. 

“...Hiro..?”

There was a sound of footsteps as he walked back into the living room, leaning against the door and folded his arms over his chest. “She’s back in rehab.” A scowl crossed his face and he cursed under his breath. “She’s been in and out for the last eight years but I haven’t been speaking to her like that.”

“Are you kidding me?” You sat upright, frowning. “When? Why? How?”

He waved his hand flippantly. “I don’t know. Don’t care either. She can rot inside that damn building for all I care. Anyway, you hungry?”

“Yeah. Plane food sucks ass.” The two of you grinned at each other as he ran upstairs to grab a Chinese food pamphlet. The doorbell rang and you sat up to open the door, thanking the delivery man for handing you a letter. When Hiro came back down, you handed him the letter, urging him to open it.

“You’re so nosy,” he complained, tossing the pamphlet at you along with his phone. “Oh shit.”

“What?” you responded, scrolling through the menu.

“My friend’s getting married in two weeks. They’re inviting to come.”

“Ooh, what friend?” you ask, curiously, mentally deciding between the spring rolls and the chow mein. “Are they nice?”

“Yeah, her name is Hinata Tachibana. She’s really nice.”

“You both in the same class?”

“Nah,” he shook his head. “I’m friends with her boyfriend’s friend. So when we hang out, I see her sometimes. I’m not really close with her though, so I’m confused why I’m invited.” He slumped against the couch, deep in thought. 

“Don’t think about it too much. Just go, eat loads of cake and have fun. You deserve it.”

“Thanks,” he smiled, picking at his nails before sliding his eyes in your direction. “Do you wanna come? It’s been a while since you’ve been back so I assume you have no friends.”

“Damn. Straight in the heart, huh?”

He grinned and looked down at the couch. “I didn’t mean it like that…”

“I know what you meant, don’t worry. But you’re right though.” Your shoulders slumped down as you pinched your lips together. “I’m too scared to contact any of my friends right now.”

“Understandable. So, you wanna come?”

You thought about it for a moment before agreeing. It wouldn’t be that bad. You spent the last year perfecting and moulding yourself into a more social being, no longer that super awkward antsy pushover teenage girl that went along with anything anyone said because you were too scared that they’d dislike you.

The food came twenty minutes later and you spent the next hour or two eating and laughing with your brother whilst watching shitty movies on Netflix. Words couldn’t explain how much you missed him, how much you missed your old home, your old life. Though your phone was dry, no new notifications, nobody to text or call, just being at home with your brother was enough for you. 

The next day on your way down to the kitchen to grab some water, the doorbell rang. On the list of people you were initially hoping you’d run into eventually, versus the list of people you planned to avoid like the plague, Shion happened to fit in the middle of both of them.

You stared dumbfounded at him, watching his eyes widen as he mumbled, “You’re actually back…”

You swallowed a lump in your throat, your question along the lines of, “How’d you know,” being interrupted as he stepped forward, sweeping you in his arms. Your body felt like it was suffocating, your poor bottle of water twisting and spilling onto the floor as your fist enclosed it. 

He fought back on the urge to pick you off the floor, wanting to keep things as friendly as possible, for now… before stepping away, planting his hands by his side. He blinked at you again, you blinked back, the both of you just waiting to say something other than hey…

Your brother came down the stairs just in time and wrapped an arm around your shoulder, pulling you into his side. “Dude. When I said she was back I didn’t expect you to come over right away,” he grinned at Shion, thus momentarily snapping him out from his daze.

He was hesitant to look away from the face he’s missed for over eight years and it took him a second before gathering his wits, his mind slowly coming back from its spiralling haze to respond. “I had to see it for myself. I still don’t believe this.”

You swatted his hand away when he reached out to poke your cheek. “I’m not a ghost.”

“I know. I know. It’s just—wow. You look good.” He forced an awkward smile at you. His words, to those that don’t know the context of your relationship, seemed innocent enough; your brother seemed to be pleased with the compliment, happy that he wasn’t here to lash out at you for leaving. But to you, your heart skipped a beat in your chest as you remembered the last incident between you two before you left. 

For a split second, you swore you could feel his hands again as they ran down your sides, could feel how strong his shoulders were as you gripped onto them with everything you had. 

Shion could tell you were thinking of the same memory and gave you a crooked smirk as you were unable to retreat your eyes from his face. 

“Why is it so awkward…?” Hiro broke the awkward silence and you cleared your throat.

“Nothing. Shion come in.” You stepped out of the way to let him inside.

“Nah, nah I can’t. I just came by to see if it was true. I gotta go to work.” Your face fell at the news and a flash of guilt crossed him momentarily. “But I’ll come see you later tonight. I promise.”

“Okay,” you whispered back, giving him a long searching look in his eyes. His breath stuttered for a short moment, his hand just aching to reach out and touch your cheek but the presence of your brother held him back. 

Shion left with a wave not long later and you shut the door, pressing a hand over your heart and fighting the urge to bang your head against the door. 

“Did you both hook up or what?” Hiro asked as he opened the fridge door.

“Sorry, what?”

“You’re both awkward as shit and you look embarrassed right now.” He reached for the milk at the back of the fridge door and stepped over to the cabinet to grab a bowl.

“I’m embarrassed because I don’t want to talk about the topic of sex right now with my younger brother.”

“It’s not a big deal. I slept with your friend once,” he said casually, pouring his milk into the bowl, and you cringed when you saw him pour the cereal last. 

His words took a minute to sink in. “Excuse me, WHAT?!”

He took a spoonful of cereal and shrugged. “What’s the big deal?”

“Which friend? Hello?! When was this?! Why—oh my god ew.”

He frowned at you. “I’m not repulsive. Chill out.” He took another spoonful and wiped some milk spilling past his lips. “It was Dona.”

“Dona—” you paused for a moment. “When was this?”

“I dunno…like two years ago? Or like three? To be frank, I lost track of time years ago. Could’ve been last week for all I know.”

You shuddered at the thought of your old friend with your brother, but pushed that sick image away from your mind. “Have you spoken to her recently?”

“Yeah. We talk from time to time. Why? Don’t want me to tell her you’re back?”

“I’d appreciate that. Thank you, Hiro.” He nodded in your direction then refocused his gaze back onto his cereal. “Now if you excuse me, I’m going to wash away that mental image from my head.”

“Oh whatever.”

 ~*~

Weddings in all honesty weren’t something you truly cared about. It was bizarre, growing up and seeing all this talk about getting married to the ‘one’ and spending the rest of your life with them. Sure, for some couples it was a main goal they wanted to achieve, but with you, it wasn’t something you truly cared about. Women would freak out that their time was soon coming to an end because they weren’t married and still didn’t find the right man. But truthfully, how did someone know who was the right man? Is there some sort of criteria box to tick off? Nobody actually knows someone from the get go, and you can hide your true self for years so it truly doesn’t matter how well you think you know someone, you will never know if they were the right one. 

That all changed when you met Haitani Ran though. He was the right one for you. If someone asked you how you knew, you’d have to tell them you don’t know. It was more of a gut feeling. That lonesome feeling you got in your gut whenever you were away from him. That feeling could just be anxiety, scared he might not come back home alive doing what he does. But he reassured you time and time again that he would be okay. That he’s fine and doesn’t need you worrying. It was a natural instinct to worry. Especially with the countless times you had to help clean his cuts, bruises, and scratches on his pretty face. 

That feeling you got was indescribable. Being with and around him changed you for better and for worse. He made you truly understand what it was like to love someone no matter how toxic it may have been. But he also managed to bring out your worst, the side that you wanted to shove down and stomp on before you left the country. 

Being back now, you feel that side of you inside just chilling down there, as if waiting for the right moment to come out. It’d been successfully tamed for eight years, so the shackles were tight and it was properly chained up, and you hoped that you wouldn’t love someone else like him, hoped that nobody else managed to bring out that side of you again. 

Standing here in this chapel right now as you watched Hiro congratulate his friend Hina and her now husband Takemichi on their new marriage, you couldn’t help but wonder just how perfect their relationship was. If they had brought out any bad sides in the other and had to take month long breaks in order to piece themselves back together.

The wedding photos make them seem happy enough, and you even shed a tear despite not knowing who any of these people are. They just seemed so…perfect. The perfect bride and groom. The perfect couple. 

It was…revolting. Seeing them so happy and smiling constantly made you sick to your stomach. It wasn’t fucking fair that they managed to find each other, find the ‘one’ on their first try without any hardships to come between them. Guaranteed you were purely projecting, and you were aware of that, but still. It was better to assume given all the pictures you saw in the photo album of them still dating when they were 14 years old.

You couldn’t properly enjoy the wedding without tearing up slightly, wondering just what went wrong in your life that made you such a bitter human being. These people were happy to enjoy a new stage in their life and you were just being a sulking mess in the corner of the room, wishing bad on everybody as they smiled. 

Seeing everyone happy with their friends, dancing, smiling, drinking, it made you jealous. The only friends you have in your life right now are your brother (if that can even count) and Shion. The loneliness never sunk in more at this point. Seeing the crowds of people in this wedding having fun…you never felt more alone in that moment.

Your mind travelled back to when you had friends, were stable in your life, had a boyfriend, and most importantly you were happy. Before you fucked it all up when you struggled on balancing all four. 

JANUARY 2006

You grabbed your lunch tray and practically bounced over to your friends table, blinded by delight to notice the way Mira and Dona were shifting in their seats, uncomfortable with your presence. 

“Hey guys!” You sat down on the bench in front of them, a wide smile on your face. 

Mira mirrored your smile, mumbling a hey back as she poked her food with her fork. Dona didn’t bother to cast you a smile, instead choosing to frown and roll her eyes.

Sensing some sort of tension, you swallowed awkwardly. “What’s up? How’ve you guys been?”

“Fine,” Dona responded sharply.

You deflated slightly, mood turning damp. “Why’re you acting so weird?”

Mira peeked over at Dona with a worried expression. Dona was never good at hiding her emotions, always being an open book unlike Mira who mastered the art of acting happy even when she wasn’t. In that moment though, you could tell that you were clearly missing out on something because the distance between your trio had never been further. 

“We didn’t hear from you for the whole holiday. We just missed you, that’s all,” Mira spoke carefully, watching your expression attentively.

Oh. So that’s what this is about. You scratched your neck, lightly dragging your nails along the skin. “Yeah…about that. I’m sorry, I was busy. You see Ran took me—”

“Of course he did,” Dona interrupted, practically spitting the words out. 

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean, Dona?”

“Nothing.” She put her fork down on her tray and looked at you for the first time today. Her eyes were sharp, the irritation practically radiating off her as she continued speaking. “It’s just that he’s literally all you fucking talk about now and frankly it’s getting annoying.”

“I’m sorry,” you blinked, getting yourself ready for defence mode. “Weren’t you the one who was pressuring me to pursue him? I was the one hesitant to talk to him but YOU wanted me to start dating him.”

“Yeah but it doesn’t mean you should be acting like this! Abandoning your friends for WEEKS without a single word!” Dona’s voice was getting higher to the point that it started to gather people’s attention from other tables. Mira wanted to sink into a puddle on the floor when people started staring, praying silently that you both would keep the volume down, but then Dona continued, eyes practically flashing red. “You didn’t even go home! The entire holiday! Your mother was worried sick!”

You scoffed. “Who gives a fuck what she thinks.”

Dona paused, her mouth open and her eyes wide. “What the hell happened to you?” The two of you stared at each other for a moment and you both couldn’t recognise each other. Mira desperately wanted to intervene, ask you both to keep your voices down and stop attracting attention but whenever she opened her mouth, Dona continued. “You know she started drinking again right?”

You stiffened and Mira noticed. 

“Dona, stop,” Mira whispered, looking over to her friend desperately. “Now’s not the time.”

“Nah,” Dona shook her head. “I’m tired of her shit. She needs to hear this.” Her volume started to rise again. “You hear that, (Name). Your mother started drinking again. Because of you.”

“How do you know?”

“My mother goes to the same AA meeting as her. She was there. She heard all the stories your mother said during those meetings and told me.”

There was a moment where a look of shock flashed over your face, but Dona wasn’t having it. “Oh, don’t look surprised. I don’t know what was going through your head to think stumbling in the house drunk at 3AM was a good idea. You thought she wouldn’t notice? Or what about that tattoo you got on your stomach that you also thought she wouldn’t notice? You think this is the kind of stuff your mother wants to see from her daughter? Not even a year ago you were acting normal, going to school ON TIME, getting perfect grades. What the fuck happened to you?”

You stood up abruptly, slamming your hands down onto the table with a loud slam that definitely caught the attention of everyone in the room this time. Mira wanted to explode. 

“I’m not gonna sit here and let you talk about my mother like she was a saint. In those dumbass AA meetings, did she ever discuss the ugly parts of herself or only sit there and bad mouth me? Hm?”

Dona swallowed harshly, arms crossed over her chest. “What are you talking about?”

“Oh so I’m guessing she didn’t. Let me update you then.” You brought your finger out and started counting. “Let’s discuss the fact she thought it would be a great idea to bring over different guys at the SAME TIME and sleep with them on the goddamn couch when I was trying to sleep upstairs. Did you think my thirteen year old self wanted to see that? Or my brother? Or, oh yeah this is a good one,” you brought your second finger up, “the time I had to drag her unconscious body up the stairs and help her bathe because she decided to drink herself half to death that night? Or the fact she passed out on the sofa, blacked out for DAYS and I had to sit there and cry next to her because I thought she died? My whole goddamn life was dedicated to taking care of HER. Now I finally want my own fun and go off the rails one time, that’s enough to send her spiralling and crying to her alcoholic friends? How the fuck do you think I feel?!”

You finished ranting and clenched your jaw as you waited for Dona to continue talking. She had so much to say about a situation she knew nothing about. Now everybody knew your dirty business because she couldn’t keep her mouth shut. Embarrassed, you dropped back down to the bench and began stabbing at your food with your fork, pretending the chicken was Dona’s fucking head.

Mira cleared her throat, the sound echoing in the silence of the cafeteria. “I’m sorry that happened to you. I really didn’t know.”

“Yeah well there’s a lot of shit you don’t know,” you responded harshly.

Dona swallowed heavily and fiddled with her fingers under the table. “I’m sorry.”

“I don’t want your fucking pity.” You stood up abruptly, grabbing your tray. “And maybe shut your fucking mouth and stop speaking on shit that doesn’t concern you.”

“But Dona was just looking out for you,” Mira started.

“Looking out for me, how?! By bringing up my mother in an attempt to catch me off guard and make me feel guilty? Or basically call me a bitch and a useless friend.”

Dona stood up also, pointing her finger in your face. “Maybe stop acting like both and you won’t get called that.”

“You know what. Fuck you both. I’m done. Consider me gone.”

“Yeah, it’s not like we aren’t used to you being gone anyway,” Dona muttered under her breath. 

You shook your head, glaring at the both of them once more before dumping your food in the bin and storming out the room. The doors slammed loudly and everyone’s eyes were back on that table. Mira felt like there had been a spotlight shining on them the entire time.

Dona slumped back down to the bench and stabbed viciously at her food. “Fuck her. She’s so fucking damaged, I can’t deal with that right now.”

Mira frowned. “Don’t talk about her like that. She’s clearly going through stuff. You’re just saying this to cope with the fact she chose a boy over us.”

“I’m not coping with anything. She can go fuck off with Ran, I don’t care.”

Mira touched her friend's arm gently, trying to soothe down her anger. “She will be back. The second things turns out rough with Ran. I promise you that.”

PRESENT DAY

“(Name), is that you?” A soft voice called out from behind you. You froze, wondering who on earth at this wedding might possibly know you.

Turning around, you met the familiar eyes of Mira who looked at you confused for a moment, then widening her eyes before dragging you in for a hug. “Oh my god. I missed you so much.”

You raised your hand awkwardly, unsure what to say, what to do to her. You haven’t spoken to her since that fight in the cafeteria and that was months before you left the country. “...Hi…” you settled on that, mentally slapping yourself for not showing more emotion.

She pulled away and dried her eyes, wiping them with her sleeve. “I honestly didn’t expect to see you…ever again. This is…woah.”

“Yeah,” you cleared your throat, shifting awkwardly on your feet. “Neither did I. Also, what are you doing here…?” While she was wiping her face, you caught a glimpse of the ring on her finger and grabbed her hand. “No way.”

“Yes way. I’m engaged!”

“What the hell?! I’m so happy for you, Mira,” you said with a smile on her face, watching her go red at the mention of her fiance. “Who’s the lucky guy?”

“He’s on the police force. His name is Naoto. He’s actually related to the bride, Hina. You know her?”

You shook your head. “No. I’m here because Hiro wanted to get me out of the house but I’ve been out of place since I arrived.”

“I don’t blame you. I also feel a bit out of place, being here as a plus one too.”

“Oh, that sucks…” you said softly, chewing the inside of your cheek thinking what to say next. A comfortable silence fell over the both of you, which was expected. Eight years of no contact, this was sure to happen. “So…how’s Dona?”

“She’s…er…to be honest, I don’t know. We stopped speaking shortly after you left the country.”

“Oh,” you deflated. “Why? I wasn’t holding you guys back anymore.”

“It’s a long story.” A man approached Mira from behind and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her backwards for a hug to whisper in her ear. Must be the fiance. “Really?” she mumbled to him, craning her neck in order to hear him a little better. “Are you sure he’s going to be there?” Naoto nodded.

As the two of them spoke, you couldn’t help but feel a little jealous at how secure they seemed to be in their relationship. They were cute, and looked good together.

She turned around and grabbed his hand. “Can I bring my friend? I want to catch up with her.”

At that moment, Naoto seemed to just notice your presence. His black eyes met yours and you felt a tremor race through your body for some reason. He nodded at you and you bowed slightly, fiddling with your fingers as the two of them continued to whisper to each other. 

“Okay, baby.” Mira planted a kiss to his cheek and he smiled, returning the kiss to her lips before walking away. Mira approached you slowly. “Want to come to this party with us? Naoto has business there and is meeting someone so I’m coming with him.” When you looked hesitant, she pleaded. “Please? I really miss you and I want to talk to you more.”

A voice in your head was telling you to just suck it up and go. You’re not in a position to lose any friends right now. “Okay, fine. I’ll go.”

At the after party, you ended up spending majority of the night with Mira and with the influence of alcohol, the conversations flew smoother, the both of you slowly getting back in touch with each other. She told you about how law school almost ate and swallowed her whole, and you told her all about living abroad in a dorm campus and how homesick you felt sometimes. Eventually during the night, Naoto joined the conversation and you found out more about him and his job at the police force. With the help of Mira’s big drunken mouth, she accidentally mentioned a special super top secret case his division was working on called Bonten and how one of the executives is apparently going to be here tonight, and he quickly slapped a hand over her mouth, laughing awkwardly and her eyes widened when she realised.

“Oh my god Naoto I’m so sorry, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to say that,” she was almost crying out of frustration and Naoto spared a pity glance in your direction.

“Sorry about her, she gets very emotional when she's drunk.”

You nodded, muttering it’s okay and watched him whisk her away from the table. You were unsure why he reacted that way. It wasn’t like you knew anything about Bonten or whatever that’s supposed to mean. Without the presence of Mira, you began to feel overwhelmed in this big room with nobody to talk to, the alcohol in your system making your brain go fuzzy.

The room started to get too hot and you were beginning to feel beads of sweat begin forming on your forehead. Standing up, you grabbed your bag and went out through the back, grabbing a metal doorstop and placing it on the door. You sat on the staircase outside, taking in the night time view outside, the beautiful way the street lights lit up the streets and the sounds of cars passing by did wonders to your hazy mind. 

“Ain’tcha cold?” 

It took you a moment, too preoccupied with breathing in the fresh air outside that you failed to notice the presence of a man behind you. You turned around and looked up at a tall man, a black shadow casting over his face and body making it hard to see him clearly. He leaned against the wall, holding the metal door open with his foot, arms crossed over his chest and curled an eyebrow up at you, waiting for you to answer.

“I mean, kinda? But I don’t care,” you turned back to face the front and fiddled with your phone on your lap. “I’ve experienced worse.”

“Hm,” he hummed and lifted himself from the wall, taking a couple steps forward. He sat down next to you on the stairs and you got a whiff of his expensive cologne from the action. His body next to yours was overwhelming, and your shoulders nearly touched. “Do you remember me?” he asked a couple seconds later.

You turned to look at him for a split second then shook your head. He let out a short chuckle. “C’mon try harder. Dig deeper.”

With a word heavy sigh, you turned to look at him again. The first thing you noticed was he was attractive. His sharp jawline caught your attention first, his tattoo next. Then you met his eyes. Those goddamn eyes that no amount of alcohol could make you forget. You blinked for a couple moments, the movement slow as you tried to regain control over your muscles. “No way.”

TAGLIST: @escafhwiluv @lyniana @haitanifxn @rindougf03 @mvteria @hisan-na @luvhaitani @mishueb @Dreamxies @yuma404 @sleeplessreader @shinichirolover @illusorysmut @Lxvephxbic @obsessedwreiner @ililailii @insayninthamembrayn @missgab @reihimbo @l0velikethis @lollevi @danasaan @tenjikusstuff4 @midoriapologist

[scariusaquarius]

rehab. 14.

Avenger! Bucky Barnes x Winter Soldier! Fem! Reader

Summary: While on a mission to find any more possible super soldiers that were a part of the Winter Soldier program, Steve and Bucky make a discovery in an abandoned HYDRA base that was cleared out a few years prior to their mission. They discover the Reader, a long-forgotten soldier that was still asleep within a functioning cryostasis pod; still awaiting orders. While Bucky isn't happy about it, he is put up to the challenge of helping to rehabilitate the soldier in Wakanda where she may be able to become a person again.

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A/n: Last chapter was pretty hard. Poor peter :(( and poor Bucky!! Let's hope we can get through to the soldier soon. Also, if you enjoy my work, please consider buying me a coffee! If you would prefer to read Rehab on Archive, you may do so right HERE!

This is an au where Bucky joined the avengers but still rehabilitated in Wakanda (sometime before Infinity War [canon divergent cause NOPE]). I am NOT fluent in Russian, so I did use google translate cause I couldn't find a good translator that I trusted. If anything is wrong, PLEASE let me know!! Also, I tried to list as many warnings as possible so you know what the story will contain as chapters are posted. Stay safe!

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Genre: Slowburn, Enemies to Lovers/Friends to Lovers, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Humor, Drama, Dark Content Rated: Explicit Warning: Angst, Dark Content: Graphic Depictions of Sexual Assault, Blood and Gore, Mentions of Manipulation, Kidnapping, Canon-Typical Violence, Body Horror, Nonconsensual Body Modification/Scarring, Emotional and Physical Abuse, Mentions of Murder, Mentions of Suicidal Thoughts/Ideation, Graphic Depictions of Human Remains, Mentions of Sexual Coercion/Manipulation, Death, Misuse of Drugs/Forced Drugging, Self-Harm (Graphic Depictions and Mentions), Nightmares

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Author: ScariusAquarius

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rehab masterlist. chapter 10 / chapter 11 / chapter 12 /chapter 13

Tony Stark had never thought himself as a completely terrible person. He was a genius; a philanthropist with a humanitarian mindset; a scientist...and he could still make mistakes. Hell, Tony did it all the time with Pepper, with the Avengers, with Ultron and Sokovia. He was just bad at executing his good intentions.

Tony wasn't sure if he could say the same about his dad.

Although Tony adored his parents and his father was his biggest inspiration when he was young, Tony didn't remember a time where it wasn't hard to impress his father or to satisfy him. Howard had expected a lot of Tony, even when he first started showing a higher intellect than normal children had.

His mother had been the opposite. Tony could say that his relationship was a thousand times better with his mother, but Tony had deduced long ago that being her only son, it was expected of her to be doting and to spoil him however she could.

For a long time, Tony resented his father. He resented how hard he was on him, he resented how much pressure Howard put on him, he resented his fathers alcoholism that followed Tony later in life, and he hated that he never got to hear his father say he was proud of him until years after his death.

'What is, and always will be, my greatest creation... is you.'

For almost all his life, Tony hadn't ever heard his father say that he loved him. Honestly, if Tony had to think about it, he'd say that his father hated him with how he remembered his childhood.

And then he found the tapes, heard his father's voice, and everything came crashing down all over again. He was instantly reminded of what had happened to his parents, how he never even got to say goodbye, and Tony was just goddamn angry.

When he saw Bucky Barnes for the first time after finding out that he was the one who killed his parents, he had wanted to return the favor. It was the first time that Tony had ever wanted to actually kill someone besides Aldritch Killian, and that was a whole other can of worms Tony really didn't want to think about.

He still had nightmares about Pepper falling from his grasp that fateful night.

Now, Tony was being faced with his father's work all over again. Granted, there wasn't any way that Howard knew what was going happen until it was too late, but it bothered Tony ever since he learned about Project Rebirth and his dad's involvement and how he still went on to make more serums.

Tony was a genius, but he didn't understand a single damn thing about why his father did what he did. There just wasn't a clear explanation.

And Tony felt haunted by it.

He had seen the recorded memories the woman had; had seen the horrible things HYDRA had done to her; could still hear her pained wails as they cut her open and sewed her back up just to do it all over again.

Almost as a act of self-harm, Tony had forced himself to sit and watch every single minute of every single clip, stewing and horrified and becoming enraged by not just her experiences, the organization, or the nightmares that came after seeing the clips...Tony became enraged and confused at his father all over again.

He remembered Robert (L/n) and how much he didn't like the man. He never seemed happy and always had a mean sneer on his mustached face as if he was never satisfied with any work he did with Howard.

While Tony's father regarded Robert with high respects, the knowledge that Robert had been using him all along made Tony wonder that if he had said anything to his father about how sketchy Robert was, would his parents still be here today?

Would he be tinkering in the lab with his dad and making the flying cars Howard had aspired to make? Would his mother still make her delicious apple pie that she baked for special occasions? Would JARVIS still be here?

There were so many what if's that plagued Tony's mind, and irrationally, he wanted to blame the soldier as well. While Tony knew that she wasn't at fault and was a victim of her own father's sick agenda, it was almost easy to equate her to Bucky.

He still wasn't over it, and that's why being in the goddamn cold sucked ass.

While his suit was equipped with heaters that let him keep warm, it didn't take away from the difficulty of being able to see through the snow that was accumulating on his face.

Vision didn't seem to have a problem, seeing as his body was completely synthetic so he wasn't really able to feel temperature (or really much of anything), it almost made Tony jealous.

Hell, Bruce Banner being in the quinjet above them made him jealous.

"Tell me why I have to be outside like this again? I feel like I'm being singled out here."

Banner's voice came over the intercom, a slightly annoyed tone in his voice as he replied.

"Tony, if you say something about the cold again, I'm turning around and leaving."

"I'm just saying that it might be more considerate to let me inside and let Vision handle it from out here."

"Mr. Stark, if I may interject?"

Tony just huffed, and Vision added as he flew next to him, completely ignoring everything Tony had just said to instead shift the focus of the conversation.

"If we are able to locate Mr. Rollins, what is it that you intend to do with him? Given the history that Mr. Barnes has with HYDRA, would it be wise to bring this criminal back to Wakanda?"

Tony was torn. While he knew the risks of bringing Rollins to Wakanda, there was a darker and jaded part of his brain that didn't even care what Barnes would do. Hell, if anything, Tony hoped that (Y/n) would kill the man.

But as an Avenger, Tony couldn't exactly voice that. Glancing at Vision, Tony replied nonchalantly.

"Well, I can't say I'd exactly stop Barnes from playing a deadly game of Twister with the jackass, but I'm not gonna say that I'm condoning it...even if I am."

Vision pursed his lips slightly, a look of confusion spreading across his face as he glanced down at the ground below them with a thoughtful expression.

"I must admit that I am still learning the human behavioral patterns and the data streams of human emotion...so I am puzzled at why Mr. Barnes feels so strongly about this situation...let alone Steven Rogers."

Before Tony could respond with a snide remark, Bruce replied with a thoughtful explanation, stating with an understanding tone of voice.

"Well, if you look through Barnes' files, you'll understand the pattern and begin to know the why. Barnes was also a victim of HYDRA, theoretically either longer than this woman has been...possibly for the same length of time."

As Banner began to explain, Vision's eyes seemed to be lighting up with understanding as he listened.

"For a long time, and even now, he's been dealing with the thoughts and memories of his time with HYDRA. Hell, even to this day, he's still remembering and uncovering those dark times. It's one thing to be the one to experience these traumatic experiences...and it's another to be on the outside looking in. It's all about perspective, Vision."

Vision was quiet for a moment before he asked, making Tony and Banner fall into a state of surprise and stupor.

"Do you think he seeks to amend the wrongs he has done by willingly rehabilitating this woman? Despite the fact that it was Steven Rogers who suggested the idea, it wouldn't be entirely invalid to believe that Mr. Barnes is taking this opportunity to rectify his own experiences, let alone Ms. (L/n)'s."

Banner was the first to speak, Tony too deep into his thoughts to be able to give a good answer to Vision.

"Well, we don't really know that for sure. The only way to know would be to ask him, and I'm not sure that even he knows the answer. I think what is important is that he is willing to do so despite the traumatic experiences he also went through. It's better to have a friend...or to be one in a time of need."

"Thank you for your input, Dr. Banner. It is incredibly helpful."

Banner acknowledged him, and Tony took a deep breath, saying with mock relief.

"Thank, god. Great existential talk, everyone. I'm glad that we have all come to the understanding that Barnes is mentally ill, which was kinda already a given."

Although Tony couldn't see Banner's face, he knew the man was rolling his eyes at him, and FRIDAY's voice popped up, making Tony give his undivided attention to the AI.

"Mr. Stark, the HYDRA base is just up ahead. I am not detecting any activity. However, the base seems to be protected by the same type of energy shield that was used in Strucker's research facility located in Sokovia."

Tony hummed, shrugging slightly.

"Well, I guess we'll just have to knock on the front door like last time."

"You know, Tony, I have this really nagging feeling that it's not a good idea to knock on the front door."

Tony then deactivated his thrusters to begin falling down a large crevice within the Ross Ice Shelf that was emitting the signal of the energy shield, saluting Banner as he did so.

"Well, guess we'll just have to see. Let's just hope the service is like it was in Germany!"

"Tony!"

As he dropped into the crevice, it didn't take very long to see the ingenuity of the architecture and structural genius that went into ensuring a secret base. To Tony, it seemed as though the whole ice shelf was being held together by intricately-designed industrial ice anchors that were drilled and cabled together.

Despite the immensely inconspicuous location of the base, there didn't seem to be a single soul in sight. There were no lights on, no heat signatures, nothing. It was dead, cold, and barren.

It made Tony become suspicious and on edge.

"Mr. Stark, I'm not sensing any life inside of this facility."

"Yeah, I'm getting nothing on my sensors either. Banner, you see anything from up there?'

Banner was stressed, stating as the sound of the quinjet flying overhead reverbed down the Shelf and made Tony's spine tingle.

"Nada. It's completely dead up here as well."

Tony muttered, shaking his head slightly.

"That's never a good sign. Let's get in here and see what we've got. There might be something of importance. FRIDAY, where are the generators?"

"There are no traditional generators within the facility. This facility specifically functioned with hydropower. If you are able to get the hydroelectric system running again, you should be able to regain power."

Vision looked to Tony, nodding to him before phasing through the floor below.

"I will get that started for you."

Tony nodded, and he turned on a spotlight, looking around the facility. There was a good layer of ice and frost covering the inside of the facility; papers frozen in time; a HYDRA flag frozen mid-wave, and Tony had to admit: it was a bit spooky. As he looked around, he was startled by Pepper's ringtone echoing into his ear, and he took a deep breath as he answered.

"You have amazing timing, Pep, I was just thinking about how amazing this one place would be for a vacation."

Pepper Pott's voice was amused as she responded, Tony's racing heart calming just the slightest as he listened to her voice.

"Given how the last vacation went, I think I'm good. So, I followed up on that guy, Robert (L/n), like you asked, and I think I might have found something."

The lights in the facility suddenly kicked on, and Vision phased back into the room through the floor; not a spec of water on his body. Tony put Pepper on speaker as he removed his mask, his nose immediately becoming cold as he looked around the desolated facility.

"That sounds promising. What'd you find?"

"So, after Steve went under the ice, Robert left Stark Industries shortly afterwards and just kind of fell off the face of the earth. I asked myself 'why would a renowned scientist suddenly disappear unless he was secretly a bad guy'? So, I asked Shuri to send me the files that she had copied from the CIA, and it seems that around the time that (Y/n) became active, the CIA began their own super soldier project."

Tony frowned immediately, his eyes darting around as the gears within his head began to turn.

"Conveniently right after she became a part of the agency?"

Pepper hummed in agreement before she added.

"Not only that, but it seems that her and the current Director might have known each other at some point."

Tony paused, glancing down at a file that was frozen against one of the desks, and he frowned deeply. At the top was the name Project Achilles, and though the file was completely frozen and unable to be accessed without damaging it, Tony carefully pried the file off of the desk. Vision came to stand beside Tony, stating.

"The computers have sustained intensive damage due to the frost and ice that has accumulated within the consoles over time. I can attempt to search through the drives, but they might be beyond repair."

"If we can extract the floppy discs and dry them off as fast as possible before the moisture can damage them, then we'll be all set."

Vision hummed to himself, looking down at the consoles before his fingers phased through the plastic and metal. After a few moments, the sound of ice gently cracking and breaking echoed around them, and Vision was able to extract a floppy disc from the frozen console. Gazing at Tony, he stated.

"The casing sustained a bit of damage, but it is relatively unharmed."

Tony immediately grabbed it, stating.

"FRIDAY, you got hot air?"

"Yes, Mr. Stark."

As his gauntlet began to blast hot air at the floppy, rapidly drying it, Pepper's voice came through again.

"Shuri also told me that (Y/n) had a meltdown."

Tony immediately became anxious, his tone becoming furious as he asked.

"Is Peter alright? She didn't hurt him, did she? I shouldn't have trusted Barnes to keep him safe. I'm heading back right now."

"Hold on, Tony, you didn't even let me finish."

Tony pursed his lips, his brow furrowed deeply as he became quiet.

"Bucky was trying to get through to her and tried to show her the file, and she just seemed to start panicking and lashed out. Peter is completely unharmed, and Shuri told me that he's been watching over (Y/n) since the incident. Barnes needed to take a break for a while."

Tony felt a huge wave of relief go through him, and he sighed after a moment, his eyes closed and internally counting his breaths. Pepper continued after a moment of letting Tony breathe.

"Shuri sent the clip over."

A hologram showed up, the camera feed of the incident playing, and he was expressionless as he watched Barnes attempt to get through to the soldier. He could tell, however, that the woman was anxious and becoming agitated; especially when she gripped Bucky by his throat.

While the sight was alarming, Tony was as alarmed until he watched as (Y/n) began to cry.

"I don't understand. I...I....I'm malfunctioning...my programming is flawed. I...I need to be recalibrated...reprogrammed. I don't want to remember."

There was a feeling of apprehension filling Tony's body as he watched as Peter tried to make contact and ask about her family. When she threw the table at Peter, an undeniable feeling of defensiveness came over him, his chest tightening, and Tony clenched his jaw.

After a few more minutes of interaction, Tony could tell that she was starting to become too panicked. She wasn't thinking clearly; wasn't remembering details that were just spoken, and she was becoming scared.

Because of this, she finally lashed out, trying to attack Bucky but was restrained by said man. The screams and wails were horrific, and when she began to seemingly beg, Tony wasn't even sure if he wanted to read the translation that FRIDAY provided for him.

"Мне очень жаль. Прости, Кулак ГИДРЫ! Пожалуйста, не делайте мне больно. Я буду слушаться!"

I'm so sorry. I'm sorry, Fist of HYDRA. Please don't hurt me. I'll obey.

Tony clenched his hand, and Tony had finally had enough. He wasn't completely angry with Bucky, but he couldn't help to be. Tony understood that it was irrational to turn his anger towards the man, but all Tony could think about was his parents.

But as he watched Bucky's face turn into one of haunted horror, an expression and feeling that Tony knew all-too-well, Tony couldn't bring himself to be angry. He was just as much of a victim of HYDRA just like his parents. It wasn't Barnes' complete fault. It was just easy to blame him.

He watched as the horrified man left the lab, Peter running after him before coming back inside and carefully placing a chair next to (Y/n)'s sleeping body and looking over her with the saddest eyes Tony had ever seen Peter have.

Well, except for when Tony grounded him from the suit. That was a pretty rough day.

"Shuri told me that Peter hasn't left her side since Bucky ran off, and she's going to be upping the dose of the anesthetics in the mean-time. The stress of the situation caused a slight swelling at the site of the surgery, so Shuri wants her to stay sedated until then. She specifically stated that she doesn't want to put her back into cryostasis because it won't allow the wound to heal; it'll just freeze."

Tony nodded and he replied softly.

"Thanks, Pep, you did a great job today. I still think we should definitely get on a plane to Cancun or something once I leave Wakanda."

"We'll see about it. Love you, Tony."

Tony closed his eyes, comforted by the words, and he didn't hesitate to respond.

"I love you 3000. See you soon."

The line cut, and Tony handed the dry floppy disk to Vision and then clapped his hands.

"Alright. Let's scope the facility a bit more, gather anything else of significance, and get the hell out of here. I don't know how much more of this freezing cold my balls can take."

"W-What? I thought your suit was heated."

Banner's disgusted and confused voice sounded off, and Tony sighed.

"It only does so much before it gets uncomfortable. Alright? Do you want sweaty balls? Didn't think so."

Banner just sighed once more before asking.

"Can we just get this over with and go home?"

Tony nodded before he waved a finger in the area.

"Alright. Pack it up, everyone."

As Vision and Tony left the facility after extensively searching through everything and they both piled into the quinjet, Tony sat in a corner mostly to himself, staring down at the floppy disc within his hand. There was going to be something on this; something big, and Tony could feel it. He could feel the weight of the drive within his hand, and he could only hope that whatever information that was on this drive would be enough to finally get rid of HYDRA once and for all.

That his father and mother, and Tony's rage, could finally rest.

-

STORY NOTES: Tony Stark reflects on the type of people his parents were. He reflects on how hard his father was to impress, how his father was incredibly pressuring towards Tony, even from a young age. He remembers how his mother, Maria Stark, had been the opposite of Howard and how doting and loving she was while growing up. Tony then reflects on his internal struggle of his resentment towards his father and the struggle to please him. He reflects on how much he resented Howard for his tough love, the crippling pressure, and Howard's struggle with alcoholism. He particularly remembers that not once had he heard his father tell him that he was proud and that he liked him.

Tony then reflects on Bucky Barnes and the anger and hatred he had felt for him for murdering his parents, how he had wanted to return the favor. Tony mentally remarks that despite being a genius, he still doesn't understand why Howard was apart of such a serious project like Project Rebirth and why he went on to create more serums. Tony reflects on how he had forced himself to sit and watch through every single memory of (Y/n)'s that had been recorded, watching the horrific things that HYDRA had done to her, and he becomes angry with his father all over again.

He then goes on to think about Robert (L/n) and how he didn't like the man growing up. He remembers how weird the man seemed to be, and Tony wonders that if he had said anything to Howard about how weird the man was, if it would have changed anything that had happened afterwards. He wants to blame the soldier as well, but he finds it hard to do so completely as Tony understands that she is a victim as well.

Outside of Tony's mind, he, Vision, and Bruce Banner are currently on the way to the Ross Ice Shelf in the Antarctic where the supposed HYDRA facility is located. While Bruce and Tony bicker, Vision begins to ask questions about Jack Rollins and what is the intention behind finding him. He makes a remark that with Bucky's intense history with HYDRA as well, Vision does not know if it would be wise to bring Jack to Wakanda.

Tony doesn't confirm nor deny that he would stop Barnes from hurting Jack Rollins if they are able to locate him, and Vision goes onto remark that he doesn't understand why Bucky and Steve feel so strongly about the situation itself. Before Tony can answer, Banner begins to explain to Vision that Bucky was also a victim of HYDRA, though they aren't certain for how much longer in comparison to the woman.

Banner goes on to tell Vision that Bucky is still suffering from the trauma of his time in HYDRA, and is even still remembering more things to this day. He makes sure to point out to Vision that being in the situation and being on the outside-looking-in are two completely different perspectives, and that can be difficult to digest. Vision then asks if Banner and Tony think that Bucky is trying to seek redemption for the wrongs he had done as the Winter Soldier in rehabilitating the woman, and Banner replies that he doesn't know and isn't sure if Bucky knows either.

After arriving at the HYDRA base located deep within the ice shelf, Tony is on edge due to the highly-inconspicuous location being barren of people. The whole base seems to be frozen in time, and when Vision goes to get the hydroelectric generators running, Pepper Potts calls Tony. She goes on to tell Tony that after Steve had gone into the ice, Robert had left Stark Industries and seemingly disappeared. However, after (Y/n) joined the CIA, the CIA began to work on their own super soldier project. Pepper also mentions that (Y/n) and the Director seemed to have known each other before she became a Winter Soldier.

Tony finds a file that is called Project Achilles, and although the file is completely frozen shut, he carefully pries it from the desk. Vision tells Tony that the computer consoles are all too damaged to be functional, but he can attempt to save whatever he can from the hard drives. Tony refutes and tells Vision that if they can retrieve the floppy discs without damaging them, they should be able to extract the data that way. Once Vision recovers a disc, Tony begins to dry it out while Pepper tells Tony that (Y/n) had a meltdown.

Tony begins to become anxious, worrying heavily over Peter's safety, and Pepper tells Tony to calm down and let her explain further. She goes on about how Bucky was trying to get through to her and show her the files they recovered of her, and she began to lash out. Pepper tells Tony that Shuri has sent the clip of the incident, and Tony watches it intensely. During the height of the incident, FRIDAY provides live translations of (Y/n)'s cries, and Tony reflects on his parents once more. He becomes enraged with Barnes again, but tells himself that Barnes is just as much of a victim as his parents were. After searching through the facility more, the three Avengers leave. End scene.

TRANSLATIONS:

Provided in chapter.

TAGLIST: @tilldeathripsusapart @vicmc624 @mgchaser @aash3 @samfunko @seventeen-x @valckenaux @babybeeelle @sc4rrc @cjand10 @bane-y-zane

[allwaswell16]

I'm so sorry, but for the first time in 5 years, I just don't have it in me to do an episode of Fanfictional this month. If possible, I'll be back with a new episode next month. But I do want to acknowledge the wonderful One Direction fics I read this month as well as some I revisited for comfort. Thank you so much to these amazing fic writers who have entertained me or given me some respite. For more new fics, check out this month's fic roundup here

- Louis / Harry -

🧡 Stand on Holy Ground (series) by @wishingforloushair

(E, 17k, religion kink) Louis comes back to confess again, and Harry has an idea of how Louis can show God his devotion. 

🧡 My Spiteful Ballerina by sweetkalachuchi / @neverforpickles

(M, 7k, omegaverse) Four times Harry wanted an explanation of Louis' hatred toward him, and one time Louis gives in, in Louis' fashion.

🧡 Die Without the Taste of You by LetTheMusicMoveYou / @letthemusicmoveyou28

(E, 6k, part 2 of Vampire Harry/Human Louis One Shots) the one where human Louis might push his vampire boyfriend a little too far, but it works out in the end

🧡 Ain't a Drop of Bad Blood by LetTheMusicMoveYou / @letthemusicmoveyou28

(E, 4k, part 3 of Vampire Harry/Human Louis One Shots) the one where human Louis is being haunted by a spirit, and he's reluctant to ask his vampire boyfriend for help

🧡 Alone and Back Again by LadyLondonderry / @londonfoginacup

(T, 4k, omegaverse) what does one do when a feral alpha shows up in town ready to be executed?

🧡 The Shadow by babyhoneyhslt / @babyhoneyheslt

(G, 666 words, dark Louis) Harry should've listened. He should've stayed inside.

- Rare Pairs -

🧡 That's Happiness To Me by @louislittletomlintum

(E, 24k, Zayn/Louis/Liam) Louis’ mind was whirring. He’d wanted to try and get with Liam tonight, but now a new, better idea was forming. Getting Liam with Zayn, if possible, would be something of a dream come true.

🧡 It’s a Craving Not a Crush by LetTheMusicMoveYou / @letthemusicmoveyou28

(E, 9k, Liam/Louis) the one where Liam and Louis are best bros who end up getting married so that Liam has the insurance he needs to go to rehab. Now that he’s sober, they can get divorced. But do they want to?

🧡 I'm the Big Fish by @lululawrence

(NR, 5k, Louis/Pedro Pascal) After an awkward moment at a party he wasn't actually invited to, Louis keeps running into the incredibly attractive Pedro Pascal. Somehow, it's Pedro who manages to keep making a fool of himself

🧡 Spirits by itsraininginengland / @ilovellama14

(E, 4k, Louis/Oscar Isaac) Edwardian music hall performer Louis Tomlinson meets the newest act in the show, the American magician Oscar Isaac. Romance, smut and a seance ensue.

🧡 Ci Ci Leu by @persephoneflouwers

(M, 3k, Louis & His Band) Written for the prompt «bread van fic reimagined with all the guys in Louis’ band».

🧡 Glitz, Glammer, Top Hats, Cigars and Suits by @rockstarlwt28

(NR, 3k, Louis/Dominic Harrison (Yungblud) When Isla found a love for the melody formed by a strumming of strings, Louis didn't expect to fall equally in love with his daughter’s guitar teacher, Dominic Harrison.

🧡 I regret you all the time by @disgruntledkittenface

(E, 2k, Louis/Prince William) Louis’ friends don’t understand, and they wouldn’t even if he explained. But every time William texts, Louis drops everything to go see him.

- For Comfort -

🧡 You're Not My Type (still I fall) by Imogenlee / @imogenleewriter

(M, 38k, omegaverse) This is just a bit of rain; it'll blow over. Then Harry will just... well, alright, he isn't entirely sure what to do when the rain stops because he'll still be stuck and lost. 

🧡  The Journal by 4ureyesonly28 / @evilovesyou, RecycledStardust / @wait4ever

(G, 14k, soulmates au) When Harry finds himself purchasing an antique journal in the ancient bookshop of a town he’s never heard of, he doesn’t exactly want to admit that he has no idea how he got there.

🧡 Just Your Jinx by @larryatendoftheday

(T, 10k, witch au) Harry Styles may or may not have accidentally jinxed his extremely fit new neighbor, and it's not so easy to make things right.

🧡 Court Wine by @enchantedlandcoffee , red_panda28 / @red-pandaaa

(T, 7k, omegaverse) after a misunderstanding during a scrabble game, Alpha Louis starts courting Omega Harry without the latter being aware of it.

🧡 Have Me And Hold Me by @letsjustsee

(NR, 5k, established relationship)  a wedding day AU in which Louis will let nothing stand in the way of a perfect day - especially a little rain.

🧡 Good-Old Fashioned Lover Boy by not_fitzwilliam / @not-fitzwilliam-darcy

(NR, 5k, omegaverse) When a miscalculated decision leads to an accidental courtship with the sweetest, most gentle alpha, Harry is torn between breaking the alpha's heart and telling the truth. 

🧡 Pretty and Preposterous by @brightlyharry

(NR, 5k, neighbors) Harry donates a copy of Pride and Prejudice to his little free library. He never expects what comes next.

🧡 Stealing Flowers by @lululawrence

(NR, 4k, meet cute) the one where Louis pines after the Sexy Stranger on the Subway and almost asks him out. That's when the strange posters start showing up around Brooklyn.

🧡 Choo-Choose Me by LadyAJ_13 / @ladyaj-13

(G, 3k, Liam/Louis) Liam is a commuter with a crush. Louis is the chirpy ticket inspector who occasionally mans the drinks trolley and sometimes makes announcements, his broad Yorkshire accent fighting the outdated train speakers.

[copperbadge]

Hi Sam, could you please recommend any resources/websites to learn about ADHD medication? Until reading your post about second-line meds I thought Adderal was the only one

I can definitely talk about it a little! Always bearing in mind that I am not a doctor and this is not medical advice, etc. etc.

So, I've had many friends with ADHD in my life before I got my diagnosis and I picked up some stuff from them even before getting diagnosed; I also spoke with my prescribing psychiatrist about options when we met. If you think your psychiatrist might be resistant to discussing options, or you don't have one, doing your own research is good, but it's not really a substitute for a specialist in medication management. So it's also important to know what your needs are -- ie, "I want help with my executive function but I need something that's nonaddictive" or "I want something nonsedative" or "I don't think the treatment I'm on is working, what is available outside of this kind of medication?"

The problems you run into with researching medication for ADHD are threefold:

Most well-informed sources aren't actually geared towards non-doctor adults who just want to know what their options are -- they're usually either doctors who don't know how to talk about medication to non-doctors, or doctors (and parents) talking to parents about pediatric options.

A huge number of sites when you google are either AI-generated, covert ads for stimulant addiction rehab, or both.

Reliable sites with easy-to-understand information are not updated super often.

So you just kind of have to be really alert and read the "page" itself for context clues -- is it a science journal, is it an organization that helps people with ADHD, is it a doctor, is it a rehab clinic, is it a drug advertiser, is it a random site with a weird URL that's probably AI generated, etc.

So for example, ADDitude Magazine, which is kind of the pre-eminent clearinghouse for non-scholarly information on ADHD, is a great place to start, but when the research is clearly outlined it sometimes isn't up-to-date, and when it's up-to-date it's often a little impenetrable. They have an extensive library of podcast/webinars, and I started this particular research with this one, but his slides aren't super well-organized, he flips back and forth between chemical and brand name, and he doesn't always designate which is which. However, he does have a couple of slides that list off a bunch of medications, so I just put those into a spreadsheet, gleaned what I could from him, and then searched each medication. I did find a pretty good chart at WebMD that at least gives you the types and brand names fairly visibly. (Fwiw with the webinar, I definitely spent more time skimming the transcript than listening to him, auto transcription isn't GOOD but it is helpful in speeding through stuff like that.)

I think, functionally, there are four types of meds for ADHD, and the more popular ones often have several variations. Sometimes this is just for dosage purposes -- like, if you have trouble swallowing pills there are some meds that come in liquids or patches, so it's useful to learn the chemical name rather than the brand name, because then you can identify several "brands" that all use the same chemical and start to differentiate between them.

Top of the list you have your methylphenidate and your amphetamine, those are the two types of stimulant medications; the most well known brand names for these are Ritalin (methylphenidate) and Adderall (amphetamine).

Then there's the nonstimulant medications, SNRIs (Strattera, for example) and Alpha-2 Agonists (guanfacine and clonidine, brand names Kapvay and Intuniv; I'm looking at these for a second-line medication). There's some crossover between these and the next category:

Antidepressants are sometimes helpful with ADHD symptoms as well as being helpful for depression; I haven't looked at these much because for me they feel like the nuclear option, but it's Dopamine reuptake inhibitors like Wellbutrin and tricyclics like Tofranil. If you're researching these you don't need to look at like, every antidepressant ever, just look for ones that are specifically mentioned in context with ADHD.

Lastly there are what I call the Offlabels -- medications that we understand to have an impact on ADHD for some people, but which aren't generally prescribed very often, and sometimes aren't approved for use. I don't know much about these, either, because they tend to be for complex cases that don't respond to the usual scrips and are particularly difficult to research. The one I have in my notes is memantine (brand name Namenda) which is primarily a dementia medication that has shown to be particularly helpful for social cognition in people with combined Autism/ADHD.

So yeah -- hopefully that's a start for you, but as with everything online, don't take my word for it -- I'm also a lay person and may get stuff wrong, so this is just what I've found and kept in my notes. Your best bet truly is to find a psychiatrist specializing in ADHD medication management and discuss your options with them. Good luck!

[ivivenus]

My Checklist for Helluva Boss Season 3!

This list consists of all my theories that I have for season 3. I've been seeing people share their predictions, so I wanted to share mine!

♡ Barbie Wire's reappearance: I have a strong inkling that Blitzø may run to her while he goes to Sloth to pick up Stolas's meds. I don't think Barbie would mention Blitzø almost getting executed but I would love it if it does.

♡ A Pro Choice Storyline: I want Millie to feel that she has the right to choose whether she wants to keep the baby or not and not let the pressure from society keep her from making a choice. I also want this storyline to align with Stella's backstory where it shows what's it like to have a child you don't want with a man you don't like.

♡ Verosika's Healing Journey: All I really want is for Verosika to at least go back to rehab to help her alcoholism. After Apology Tour and Mastermind, she seems to be doing slightly better.

♡ Tilla & Cash Buckzo Flashback: I have a theory that Blitzø and Barbie's parents are similar to Stolas & Stetlla, where Tilla stays for the kids, while Cash was abusive. I also want this to be a way to help Blitzø connect with Via, since they've never really interacted.

♡ Loona & Octavia Interaction: I want it to be opposite of Seeing Stars, where it's not a calm conversion. I just want to see Loona passionately open up to Via about having the first 17 years of her life with no parents in an adoption center while Via had the best childhood that anyone could wish for.

♡ More Fizzarolli: I just like the clown twink.

♡ The Divorce is Finalized: The divorce was initiated in S2E1 and by S2E4 Andrephelus was talking about compensation for Stella. Then S2E8, Stolas says that he won't dwell upon the divorce, and in S2E11 Andrephelus refers to Stolas as "horny ex husband" to Stella but as her "husband" during the trial. I don't think the divorce was ever finalized. With this I want Blitzø to find out what kind of wife Stella was to Stolas.

♡ Striker vs. Blitzø: I don't have a prediction on how this'll happen but I would love to see Blitzø get angry for Mastermind and Western Energy. I also want Striker to say something petty like "Didn't you say it was a transactional fucking?" (S1E5).

♡ Barbie joins IMP: I don't think she'll stay long but it would be cute to see Blitzø help his sister out.

♡ Stolas's Weight Gain: To me, I feel that Stolas struggles with body image and self confidence. Stella literally called him "scrawny" and a "twig" in S2E1, and I feel like his eating habits are not healthy. It's literally cereal and absinthe. I would love to see him try Blitzø's cooking and explore new food items where he gets a bit heavier (and his thighs get thicker).

♡ Moxxie & Stolas Interactions: They are great characters but I want them to have friends outside of their partners. Stolas can sing with Moxxie and they can eventually watch musicals together. I really just want them to have a friendship like Blitzø and Millie does.

♡ Stolitz Cheek & Forehead Kisses: I'm still not over the fact that Stolas was unaware that Blitzø kissed his cheek in Mastermind. Also, they've seen each other's holes already so they deserve to be soft with each other.

♡ Andrealphus Failure: I've had this theory since the end of Mastermind where hell would basically freeze over to an apocalyptic wasteland because Andrealphus doesn't know how to use the Grimoire or do any of Stolas's duties. It can be easily forgotten (because we don't see it really) that Stolas is like a tarot reader/astrologer and he curses the moon during the Harvest Moon Festival so that the farmers can grow crops. Andrealphus is a peacock that has ice powers do geometry.

♡ Octavia's 18th Birthday: After that Sinsmas fight, I don't think Andrealphus will just let Via have Stolas's possessions. He'll most likely do anything to get rid of her and keep the power. I can see him trying to marry her off to someone and Blitzø and Stolas find out. I would love to see Blitzø slip up and call Octavia his daughter when he's trying to save her. I can see this being the finale and Season 4 is the aftermath.

♡ Stolitz Conversation: Eventually, Stolas and Blitzø are going to have to finally talk all that happens between them. I really just want them both to apologize and Blitzø drops that he loves Stolas. I've been waiting for these two talk it out for three years!!

[queenvsbarton]

got this stupid idea in my head of jason being the "cool older brother" who teaches tim and/or damian how to smoke a joint, but with the caveat that "this is a sometimes thing and if you get your dumb ass addicted to anything i can and will send you to rehab at gunpoint or, failing that, execute you myself"

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[lokijiro]

I’m really curious about how Sherlock has been living before the start of the series.

He’s in his early thirties when we meet him, so what has he been doing up to that point? He’s been working with the police for 5 years, but without getting paid, so how did he earn his living? Did he live by himself? If so, where? We know he made sure that Mrs Hudson’s husband was executed, so he was in Florida at some point.

One possible theory is that Mycroft put him in some kind of rehab at some point before ASIP, and once Sherlock was clean he told him he would let him live on his own if he got a flatmate. A couple of potential "flatmates" appeared but they were really Mycroft’s spies, and Sherlock refused to live with them. This caused arguments between the brothers, where Sherlock insisted that he really was making an effort to look for a flatmate; Mycroft would just have to let him choose himself. Sherlock mostly spoke to Mike just to show his brother that he was actively looking for a flatmate. . . then he saw John and he immediately wanted him.

(According to the ASIP shooting script, Sherlock is "worried" when John says he met Mycroft. Part of that worry might have been over whether Mycroft saw John as an acceptable condition for their arrangement. And yes, John had passed his job interview.)

[beefrobeefcal]

For the Stars feat. Dieter Bravo

Summary: Dieter got clean.

Character: Dieter Bravo | Rating: Teen but still MDNI | Word Count: 853

Content Warnings: discussions of drug and alcohol use/abuse, mentions of self sabotage, intervention, su*cide, crying, AA/NA meeting (it is not specified which), mention of an existential crisis, loss of hope, rock bottom, absent father

Author's Notes: for my beloved @bitchesuntitled; you are a treasure i am so glad i get to marvel at every day. kudos to you + the journey you are on that I'm honored to witness. You've got this by the balls, baby!

Thank you to @jennaispunk for their eyes and encouragement.

No more tag lists - follow @beefnotes + turn on notifications for fic updates!

Why did Dieter Bravo get sober? He has an answer, but he cringes when he’s reminded of it. 

Sure, he’s answered this question in interviews and the like, but the answers were half-truths or full lies. His son was born. He hit rock bottom. He was uninsurable. He was arrested. There was an intervention…

The part about the son was true, but not the part about him getting him clean. The kid had already started kindergarten when Dieter went to rehab last. He was a father in name only; the only evidence that proved this was a fact was the court-ordered monthly chunk of cash that moved from his bank account to his son’s mother’s and that the boy shared his nose. Beyond that, the boy and he were strangers, and would more than likely remain so until he turned eighteen and sought Dieter out.  And it didn’t seem likely.

Rock bottom in life was only a myth to Dieter. Every time he thought he found it, there was another layer below it, waiting to receive him and let him keep falling. He was convinced that ‘rock bottom’ was the bottom of a casket and you had to be dead to hit it. He hadn’t made it that far yet, despite his numerous - some intentional and some not - attempts to get there, and he knew that until he hit it, the fall was continuous… until you grabbed on.

The last job he took before his final stint in rehab was short-lived. It was a six episode arc on some primetime bullshit cop drama and it lasted a whole 32 minutes. That was the time between the call to say he was hired and the next to say he was fired. The show runner called him, legal caught wind that it was Dieter who was hired and informed production that he was far too great a risk to get any kind of assurance or insurance, the show runners had a meeting and one of the lower ranking assistants to the assistant of the executive producer called him back to tell him they weren’t going to need him. That wasn’t a wake up call. That was another reason to keep swallowing pills and whiskey and shooting up in his bathtub.

His arrest didn’t even make the front page news. It was a small, linked article near the bottom of another random news story and because they didn’t care, Dieter didn’t either. Despite the court ordered drug and alcohol counselling that came as a result, he didn’t stop. He paid anyone who said they were clean to piss in a bottle and he would pass the drug tests with flying colours. Dieter was spiraling in a free fall and he was so numb to it, he didn’t even notice.

And yes, there was an intervention. Apparently it was in a nice room in a nice hotel and they’d even had it nicely catered. Dieter didn’t go. Once he was told his sister was in town, he knew what was happening and he took off for a bender in another state with strangers who told him they recognized him but in reality they just knew he had money to burn. His sister never forgave him for that and still to this day hasn’t taken his calls or returned his messages.

But even with all this, Dieter was now sober. Clean. Dry. Straight edge. Square. Whatever anyone called it, Dieter was it. He was here, back in the basement of the church on 65th, to tell his story. And he felt a certain responsibility to tell everyone there the huge secret to getting and keeping sober - the core memory that changed his life and adjusted his course for the better. As he listened to the others, one at time, go to the front of the room and tell their story, he mulled over how to not have to tell them the irrational truth he’d been too embarrassed to share.

He’d wandered out one night into his yard and looked up at the sky. It was, ironically enough, a sobering moment, realizing just how insignificant he was compared to deep back inky sky above and the sporadic stars dotting it. He then remembered a fact about stars, as he stood drunk, chin up and gawking at the sky. Because of how far those stars were from the earth, by the time their light shimmered above him at that moment, those stars were dead. The dead stars still shimmered for him. Their light made it to him and he couldn’t even thank them for keeping him company. He sat on grass a sad, drunk, broken, lonely man, only comforted by a twinkling sky, and Dieter wept. 

In truth, Dieter got sober for the stars. 

He looks up to the front of the room as the chairperson nods to him. Dieter makes his way to the front of the room and smiles at the others in their chairs. Dieter was going to tell them the truth.

“Hi. My name is Dieter and I’m an addict. Today, I am five years clean...”