#I used to slang in hs

[reiners-milkbiddies]

Not me calling myself out lmao

I feel like in order to date a member of Bonten you have to be unhinged in some form

[akuma-ren]

is it bad that I don't rlly like Eng rafayel??? I only like him when he sounds serious. Whenever I watch the trailers it's always on mute 😭

I use jp but I like cn too. Haven't listened to much of krn to judge

[stagefoureddiediaz]

What IS this "friend of Dorothy" theory? I know it's connected to the wizard of Oz and over the rainbow as gay symbols or something, but I'm otherwise clueless...

Hey!!

Thanks for stopping by and asking - you’ve given me the perfect place to talk queer history 😎🤓

So a friend of Dorothy is LGBTQ+ slang for a gay man.

It’s precise origins and use as an lgbtq term isn’t fully know but it is believed to predate the 1939 Wizard of Oz movie. The theory is that its use came about based on several references in the original Frank Baum books the film is based on (which if you haven’t read I highly recommend), espeically the second one - the road to Oz. In that book, Dorothy’s friends are described as queer and her reply to that comment is that queerness doesn’t matter as long as they’re friends. There is possible innuendo related to the scarecrow when he comments that you can go both ways along the yellow brick road (his line is ‘of course some people go both ways’). And the princess Ozma in the books is viewed as one of the first transgender character in literature (it’s too long to go into in detail but basically ozma is given to a witch - mombi- who transforms her into a boy called Tip so that the rightful heir to the oz throne is usurped.

The 1939 film can be argued to take things further - all of Dorothy’s three friends have queer attributes - for example the cowardly lion is a dandy lion (which is a play on Dandelions the flower, but also on the dandy - a specific type of man that became a thing in the regency (1800’s) era and transformed men’s fashion. Beau Brummell was a major force in the development of the dandy look. He was very close friends with the prince regent of England and it is rumoured the two were lovers (there is plenty of circumstantial evidence but no official proof has come to light and the royal family keep a lot of that information under wraps if it wasn’t previously destroyed) until their very public falling out!). Other things that contribute are the change from black and white to colour in the film - which was done in large part as a way of showcasing the new Technicolor technology, but can also be viewed as a metaphor for Dorothy escaping the black and white morally rigid small town she came from and ending up in city in a world full of colour with friends equally as colourful. The song over the rainbow became a queer anthem after the films release and in part (the fact she was also one of the first stars to have her life splashed over the tabloid press in gory detail and was othered because of it was also a part of it - along with her intense stage fright and deep self doubt about her talent whilst simultaneously being an electric and absorbing performer when onstage) led to Judy garland becoming a queer icon (something she embraced) and the rainbow from the wizard of oz and from that song was a contributing factor in the adoption of the rainbow flag as a symbol of the gay community and then the wider lgbtq community (and that hs obviously developed further into the progress pride flag we have today).

Because in a pre stonewall world (stonewall happened in the days immediately after Judy’s death - it’s never been fully stated as the reason for the riots, but it may well have been a contributing spark that help ignite them), Judy had become a gay icon through ‘over the rainbow’ and the wizard of oz, her concerts were a way for gay men to meet and thus referring to themselves as a friend of Dorothy’s as a way of subtly letting other know their sexuality with a greatly reduced risk of persecution. I could go much more into Judy garlands backstory because it’s fascinating and very much related to queerness in Hollywood but I don’t have the time to right now - I recommend looking into it though there are a couple of great biographies on her or there are many documentaries that look at her life!

I hope that’s helped 😎💜

[boyfhee]

hello (. ❛ ᴗ ❛.) i just read your carrd you speak korean? if yes is it okay for me to send asks in korean? i'm self-studying it and am looking for someone to talk to😖 also can you tell me where i can learn it from? there are not a lot of free resources (；′⌒`)

yes i do ! i can speak basic to intermediate korean but i'm not super good with slangs TT you can definitely send asks in korean if you wish to, i'll use it as an excuse to revise my notes and practice it as well since i have no one to talk to in korean either. as for resources :

how to study korean offers a lot of free pdfs and practice sheets. their content is easy to understand, it's good if you're a beginner

talk to me in korean is also a good alternative and honestly better than htsk but it charges the learner so if you're down to spend some money, better spend it on ttmik than htsk. or you can watch their yt videos to help yourself with pronunciation as well ^_^

a friend of mine referred to learn korean 24 before joining paid courses offline and online, their content is also free. although, i never really used that site, she said it's helps but again, idk how credible that is so take it with a grain of salt

i rarely recommend apps but drops / duolingo helps with vocabulary and grammar, especially drops ( the free version can be dissatisfying but it's not completely worthless )

pinterest is a good alternative if you want to expand your vocabulary. i won't recommend it for grammer and all because you might want to study that from more credible sources

a pop of korean, honeyhangukeo, learninghangukeo are some blogs that might help too

alternatively, you can try joining a language community on discord. the servers offer free resources most of the time and you can find people to talk to as well. it sort of creates a learning environment since there are a lot of other people learning the language as well

lastly, watch content without subtitles at times. i used to, and still do, pause mvs, dramas, shows, etc. to learn certain phrases or words, or even just the pronunciation. it's a slow process, but it works.

tip : talk to yourself in korean. as crazy as this sounds, i used to do this a LOT when i took classes in hs. i have a habit of studying things while explaining them to myself, so i just tried to explain myself to me in korean. it's hard if you're a beginner but will get better later on. you can start by translating simple sentences from your daily life to korean

good luck w studying !!

[sixcrowsinateacup]

If you ever hear me say Wylan is Kaz’s son, I do not mean that Kaz is his father. I am using “son” as slang. The way that any other older friend might view you as their “son”. It’s the same way that a HS senior would “adopt” a lowerclassmen (freshman, sophomore or junior). That’s his son but that isn’t Wylan’s dad okay? That’s Wylan’s older friend who saw him and threw him over his shoulder and Wylan isn’t getting off anytime soon as much as he wishes Kaz will drop him back into the gutter where he found him. Okay, they’re bros, Kaz gets to be the older brother for once and he refuses to abandon that title.

[ivomartins]

helloo omg it's vivi i just noticed that you answered the asks (while scrolling through hsr tag i need the update so bad i can't live like this)

dogging on hs is a full time job and we're employees of the month 🤞 ntm on hs tho bc i will end up playing hs3 if it's ever released bc i need to see my li happy.

im new to rc so i can't say much about the writers but i think what you said does make a lot of sense. when new characters were introduced in hs2 it had the same tone as hs1. i would say there was a slight improvement bc astaroth and hunger were 10x more interesting than hs1 characters but the dialogue and their way of speaking was the same as hs1. like how do you pride yourself on being soo much better than mortals and speak exactly like them? why are you, as lucifer, speaking like a frat boy? make it make sense.

anyway, as opposed to hs, the immortals are actually different from mortals. lane noticing the lack of human warmth and emotions on cains face, despite how serene and aristocratic he looks right off the bat immediately showed us that they're not easily understood and they operate differently than humans. and the dialogue flows so much more naturally in hsr and different characters have their own distinguished way of speaking. (interesting that cain sometimes speaks so formally like during the church scene, but at other times uses mortal slang. just how long has he been roaming around earth?)

tbh now that ive analyzed the flying scene, he does seem somewhat sincere and like you said, they're both only looking out for themselves so they have a sense of kinship. (also love that lane is so unbothered about saving humanity or whatever and specifically said shes only going to translate what she needs... im obsessed with her)

but is it insane of me to hope that he's just being nice for the sake of using her? ive been ranting to everyone who would listen about how much i adore the church scene, it was the exact balance of unsettling and sensual, psychedelic and dreamlike. it had so much tension and i loved how cain was portrayed in it. but he's being suspiciously sweet and protective of her, cute, but i miss the tension 😭 he and lane are some of the most interesting characters ive seen in a while and id hate for them to lose everything that makes them unique to a generic romance so early.

what about your theories on how they could've known each other earlier? and what do you think about cain's past?

not this entire ass essay 😭 i love a good religious horror media what can i say. since ur just as obsessed w hsr as i am it's fun talking to you but this is a lot to think ab and reply to pls take ur time 😭💓

(ps to answer what you asked about choices, i haven't touched it since i got back into rc 🤞)

we truly are the pioneers of hs shit talk and i love this for us <3

i chuckled at your comment about lucifer talking like a frat boy because why is that so fucking true 😭

it really is just in the book's nature i think because if you look at the massive growth of alice's writing between hs1 and hs2, it's wild how the writing for hs2 still isn't that much better except in certain areas (hunger is masterfully written, for example, and the emo vibe was captured pretty well too since alice is an angst grandmaster)

like heaven's secret is simply, intrinsically, a haphazard low-quality story - because that was the foundation in hs1 and so it's only natural hs2 and hs3 will be the same. and i'm not hating on it when i say that because i definitely get why some people love it but as someone who's a bit of a snob and doesn't like harry potter vibe stories, it's just not for me

i'm living for your thoughts and analysis of hs:r though omg i didn't catch on to cain's manner of speech swinging between formal and informal, that's so interesting?? but YES overall i'm also hoping that we'll get more of the intensity we got with the church scene and that the dark undertone to their dynamic will prove to be an actual Theme and not just a one-off thing. i would actually GRIEVE if cain's route devolved into basic lovey dovey shit 😭

have you checked out dmitry's scenes? what did you think of them? 👀

when it comes to cain's past and his history with lane, i... have no clue tbh like that's just how good the suspense is. generally i'm expecting cain to be somehow tied to the event/entity/power that caused lane's memory gap because her dreams are clearly very significant and she dreams of him at the start of the book + that could be the reason why she got so woozy in the church scene instead of him seducing her with his power, because of whatever tie that binds them through that. but we know so little about him and his motivations that it's hard for me to theorize anything about his past. i adore pre-established dynamics though so i honestly think we're in for some juicy shit regardless of our theories. i can't wait!!!

shut up i lived for your essay and gave you one of my own pls 😭♥️ you're totally good!! i'm having just as much fun chatting with you angel <3

i haven't touched choices since the nanny affair 😭 though i do miss the good OG books sometimes ngl like open heart s1 remains ICONIC and forever in my heart and also the werewolf book uhh i forgot its name but it was sooo goood. there's not even a comparison with rc though whew it was such a huge upgrade for me especially since i started off with arcanum of all books - truly could not put it down

[gothe]

did you go to an international school?

for a few years, not all. for most of my school years i was very lonely at school so for the many hours i was there i wouldn’t talk to anyone & i would zone out during class so i didn’t even hear my teachers speak arabic much, then i’d go home and spend all day on the english internet. i spoke to people outside of school but it was mostly in english. now my arabic is fucked and english is my main language. it’s hard for some people to believe because my whole family is arab but you have to consider that i spoke to people outside of school in mostly english so nothing mitigated my internet use. also for a year straight in hs i was obsessed with reading english fantasy novels, a lot of YA, i believe i read at least 100 books that year, which is why my vocabulary isn’t limited. books will always be my first love and reading is one of my favorite hobbies though i have obstacles i won’t elaborate on in reading right now. i branched out in my genres fyi. anyway, because of all this i have a combination of being well spoken & knowing a lot of american slang from the internet

[lasvegas07]

ok so i've been into slang of different languages recently and discovered that for some reason there isnt sufficient material on how german teenagers actually talk (aka me having found a new hyperfixstion)

So buckle up folks and get ready for my (very)incomplete list of actual german slang

(Please add your words if you think of more stuff and remember that it differs from state to state)

I'm from Baden-Württemberg so guess what you're getting some bawü specific phrases

-----------------------------

Dicka/digga- bro (very common,but also very informal)

Junge/alter -bro/boy -> "jungeeee " is an actual sentence that you use when you're very done with your life ,imagine a very weary sigh

chaya-slang for girl (but a bit derogatory and not very fine language or as we call it,a bit asi)

typ- guy

Para/flouz-money

grass-weed

kippe-cigarette

kiffen-to smoke weed

ficken-to fuck

Schwuchtel-faggot

fotze-cunt

scheiße-shit (my friends and I say scheiße with a soft s usually just cause scheiße when its pronounced how it should be sounds so harsh)

Ach du scheiße-oh shit

Labern-to talk (informal and has a negative tone) -> e.g you can say "laber nicht" to your friends if they tell you something you dont believe like nah dont bullshit me

nh/ge/gell-right?! (at the end of a sentence)

raff dich-get yourself together

bock haben-to want to do something

Schwänzen-to skip school

Gottlos-I honestly dont know how to translate this

Ehrenlos-something, someone did that was very low of them

einunddreißiger(31er)-betrayer

hurensohn/nuttensohn- son of a bitch but nuttensohn is way cruder

arsch-ass

Geben-to give but it sounds very sexual if you say for example ,I gave it (the book)to her;so please use the object here and not the objektpronomen

mäßig-type shit

auf den/auf xy basis- idk how to translate this but if you want to describe that something you did was done spontaneously for example you csn say „auf entspannt“/„auf entspannter basis“

die kann mich am arsch lecken- rude way of saying you dont care about someone

---------------

Some grammar things:

When speaking we shorten our sentences

Siehst du das nicht?- siehste das net/nich?

Let's -Lass (xy)

In baden württemberg,people very often put the verb etwas tun =to do something,in sentences where they dont need it

=> ich tu das machen; this literally translates to I do making that

------text slang-----

trzdm-trotzdem

isso-ALSO USED VERY OFTEN IN SPOKEN GERMAN but it's like saying yess exactly

net/nd-nicht

wmd-what are u doing (haven't used this since the 7th grade so idk but it exists)

hs-hurensohn

Yeah that wraps it up ,if any of y'all have additions to make please add them

[notoriousbeb]

Lol, the last restaurant they were spotted on that island serves sushi. But MFASR isn't about them, probably related to his Tokyo trip. I guess Little Freak missed being on Fine Line (Tokyo trip too). Lol, both are a bit of a control freak when it comes to their careers.

I think of their last trip when I hear the New Romantics line.

Please take my hand and Please take me dancing, and Please leave me stranded It's so romantic (it's so romantic) (Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah)

But NR also reminds me of their vinyl competition & part of Style:

Then switch sides like a record changer The rumors are terrible and cruel But honey, most of them are true

Speaking of trips, Bowness-on-Windermere was one of the places HS & TS visited around her 23rd birthday in 2012. I wonder if that was one of the first times she visited the Lakes District- known for poets such as Wordsworth. He's known for the poem "I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud" (also commonly known as "Daffodils")- interesting bts*- he revised it- en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I_Wandered_Lonely_as_a_Cloud. They also got some Beatrix Potter gifts for family in that area. They also went on a ski trip that month also- made me think of the DWOHT line "So, baby, can we dance? Oh, through an avalanche?" 

Sidetrack: Coney is slang for: a gullible person; dupe. Also, Coney was also a word for rabbit.

*Coincidentally, "in Gucci's Spring/Summer 2019 Collection, multiple ready-to-wear pieces featured embroidery of the last lines of the poem." gucci.com/us/en/pr/men/mens-ready-to-wear/sweatshirts-hoodies/mens-hoodies/embroidered-sweatshirt-p-569828XJA471082 (snakes & skull?) (Not sure if HS was with them yet). But HS also had Daffodils in the BH&G pic and HsH album teaser.

Sorry, kinda rambled... lol, went down the rabbit hole.

In regards to Little Freak, it’s always so interesting to learn more about the timing of certain songs being written, and their choice of which records they go on—or if they make the cut at all.

The “leave me stranded,” line in New Romantics definitely reminds me of the Virgin Gorda trip as well.

I was wondering if they’d been to Windermere! I always think of him as the beloved muse she refers to in The Lakes.

Rabbit hole with me anytime!

[stitchwitchsapprentice]

Wow. There so much to unpack here, and as a HS teacher, I feel like I need to.

First of all, comparing pre-1970 English literature to German is ridiculous. Simply put, The Outsiders is not written in a different language. Neither are I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings, The Autobiography of Malcom X, or The Lord of the Rings. Also according to this claim, we should translate Fahrenheit 451, "Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?", and the entire Beatles canon.

But if your point is actually about Shakespeare (which it seems to be), then let's talk about Shakespeare.

While technically considered modern English, Shakespeare and his contemporaries are difficult to read because English has changed a lot since the seventeenth century, and we no longer have the context to understand all these words. For example, Shakespeare wrote a lot of dick jokes which are often lost on a contemporary audience that doesn't understand seventeenth century English slang.

But Shakespeare also used a lot of words and phrases that we use today. In fact, Shakespeare invented a lot of words and phrases that we use today. So being exposed to the original text not only helps students to better understand the language they are using, it shows them just how fluid language is--and always has been! Shakespeare coined new words all the time. You can too. The works of Shakespeare are a great example of linguistic productivity.

All this being said, we do translate Shakespeare. Sparknotes' No Fear Shakespeare editions are very popular in schools because they show the original text and a modern version side by side. So the students are exposed to the original text, but they're also not bogged down in it. When I was in school, I also had multiple teachers give us the assignment to make our own translations, either independently or in groups, depending the play and student skill level. And it's pretty easy to access hi-lo versions for struggling readers (some of which are just very very abridged) as well as graphic novel editions. There are options, and we use them.

But the age of a text isn't the only thing that makes it difficult to understand. Jane Eyre is a far easier read than Heart of Darkness, despite being published about 50 years earlier (which also happens to be about the same distance between today and 1970). Personally, I think Jane Eyre is also an easier read than No-No Boy, which came out in the 1950s.

Shakespeare uses a lot of poetry and uses figurative language. But half the English language is figurative language. Which is why exposure to Shakespeare is good for students--it can help them to understand idioms and metaphors, which we use all the time, many of which, as previously stated, originated with Shakespeare.

Finally, Shakespeare is difficult to read because, well... it's not meant to be read. It's meant to be performed. Which is why good English teachers do things like bringing in a box of props for students to incorporate into readers' theater and design costumes for the characters. Because studying a Shakespeare play by reading it is a little like studying Van Gogh through only written descriptions of his paintings.

Students don't hate literature because it's hard to read. They hate it because it's not salient. Therefore, we need to present texts in a relatable way, which can, but does not have to, include translation. For example:

--a college theater program presents "Shakespeare on the Rails" because when the characters are commuters on the train with you, the language is surprisingly easier to understand.

--A high school in the Marshall Islands puts on a production of A Midsummer Nights Dream, changing the setting and some of the charcters to fit Marshallese mythology, and translating the mechanicals' lines into Marshallese while keeping the nobles' lines in the original Shakespeare

--An HS teacher in the rural US uses the No Fear Shakespeare editions in her class and frontloads Romeo and Juliet with the knowledge that the characters are teenagers.

This last one was one of my co-workers and resulted in half a dozen ninth graders, in my classroom, complaining not about reading Romeo and Juliet, but about how immature and stupid the characters are. Does he really think he's in love? He thought he was in love with Rosalind yesterday! And the Friar told them they shouldn't rush to get married. They should have taken his advice. They're so stupid! (I had a similar event this year with eleventh graders complaining about what a b**** Abigail Williams is, even though The Crucible was not translated for them.)

Yes, translation is one tool we can use to make a text more accessible, which is why it's already actively being used in classrooms. But to assume it the either the only tool or the best tool (or that it's always necessary for something more then 50 years old) is both an insult to the intelligence of our students and an excuse for educators to be lazy.

We need to stop blaming the texts and start blaming the curricula, which, more often than not, use a read-the-text-answer-the-question method which is liable to bore anyone to tears. I didn't fall in love with Shakespeare in high school because I answered dozens of comprehension questions. I fell in love with Shakespeare in second grade. Watching Wishbone (which uses the original language).

Our school curricula are not designed in such a way as to make the texts relevent, nor do they invite students to engage with them on their own terms. Likewise, many teachers are never given the toolkit to do this (I know I wasn't!). But if we take the time to make the characters real and relevent, students buy into it. Sure, use the translation. But also show clips from The Complete Works of Shakespeare abridged or other adaptations. Invite students to create their own adaptations. And definitely, definitely, teach the dick jokes. Contrary to popular belief, teenagers like learning. They just don't like being talked down to.

(On that note, this is the same problem with the math curriculum. Students don't hate math because they "want to play with blocks." They hate math because abstract equations are not salient information. And quite frankly, playing with blocks sounds like a great way to teach geometry in a salient way. Blocks are, in fact, geometry.)

Novosad is an econ professor at Dartmouth btw

[almostourgalaxy]

also curious if u have any Thots on dual / anyone in Dream Bubbles (admittedly it's been a sec since ive read HS proper but i always thought they were Neat)

Oh god do I LOVVWE the idea of him interacting wwvith ANY of the Dancestors.

He's Cronus but less likely to sexually harass you.

He has specific dynamics wwvith each dancestor but the general running joke is that he's steadily pissing Cronus off by pulling MAD BITCHES.

He's slept wwvith damn near all of them at least once. (Admittedly a BIG chunk of it wwvas him projecting his failed relationships onto Kurloz and a fewwv others)

Not Horuss tho. SOMEONE had to showwv that guy he had options other than That Fucker (wwve do not like Rufioh in this house of Clowwvns)

His most notable on and off is Kankri. I can't not run wwvith Kankri's thing about Seadwwvellers and use that against him.

This is VVWERY canon to GD. The thing he's calling him here translates to "Bait". Its a slang term for lowwvbloods wwvith Seadweller Fetishes.

The bulk of his other flings is, aside from the Projecting My Exes thing, mostly him letting off steam and also HUMILIATING Cronus. (They havvwe a fun dynamic. Cronus is getting Character Devvwelopment. But also wwve're getting more opportunities to showwvcase that Saturn is ALSO a horrible person in most of the same wwvays, he's just got more trauma and a capacity for VVWIOLENCE)

[rhysisanightblogger]

A (non exhaustive) list of actual things (some of which are straight up bonkers) that have happened in my seemingly sedate life:

My parents turning down an arranged marriage between me and my sister, and the sons of an African prince they just casually knew (it wasn't super serious tbh)

Meeting a dutchess cause she was related to my dads best friend (she was a raging bitch and we all hated her)

My dad not being in the pentagon on 9/11 cause he got injured during PT

My 1st real school lock down being 9/11 cause we were a large school (off base) made up of predominantly current and former service members kids

My mom getting into a neighborhood war w a suspected drug dealer that ended in him apologizing and giving us gifts

Getting out of doing homework cause my domestic terrorist relative died in federal prison despite not having memories of the jackass and being hated by that side of the family

The Dr who delivered me asked my mom if he needed to call security cause I came out tan w black hair and both my parents are white (both have native and European ancestors)

3 almost arranged marriages (that I know of) including the above mentioned

My high school threatening to sue a meme website cause I bullied teachers on it (unintentionally)

My college best friend trying to pass off kill bill as his real life

Literally being bullied in college because some people couldn't leave hs behind

Setting off museum alarms by moving a certain on a window in hs

Japanese teacher laughed at my name because it's slang for virgin and only finding out a year later cause my friend felt bad she giggled

My nose being traumaticly amputated from my face as a small child (it's back on now)

[blazingstarship]

Let’s talk about the year 2013

It was at the end of the summer of 2013. I started at my beautician education and meet a group of the most awesome people ever. They really were my kind of people and I experienced true friendship ever since the abu.sive friendship I was in HS to just survive the loneliness of not belonging somewhere.

Anyway, I had a irl crush who didnt answer my love for him and I really wanted back to loving fic.tional men again. Cause I knew they would love me for who I am without all the drama and stuff. So I stumbled at first by watching these series in summer break and started to get my attention. It was a chr.istmas ep in freaking August but it made me laugh so hard that I sticked to it. And so on I grew into it and slowly catched feelings for Ra.ndy.

I was so happy. Ran.dy helped me through everything and even some of my friendships from back then still talk about how I used this slang (from the show) and how hilarious it was.

Also Ra.ndy’s show was the start of watching it in the original voices instead of translation. He was at the start of writing in English and making my first fa.nfiction story of the show. I made oc’s, a story and started drawing again the way I used to do. He got me back what used to give me so much joy. And after Da.nny, it was like he was ment to be my new love. (Do you know se.cret trio? No? Yes?)

Im grateful for Randy, it lasted for 1,5 years and sadly he couldnt help me through the period I lost the most important person in my life. But I had a honkin bruce time with him. He was the absolute cheese and looking back, Im (again) grateful he got me back in loving fictional men.

He is a shoob, but my shoob❤️

[anthropologyg3]

Interview with P (Cis-Man, Bi/Try not to label, White, 49)

*These are direct quotes from interviewees*

Has this impacted your life negatively?

No and yes.  No because I am otherwise fairly privileged and when I was closeted, I also benefited from “straight passing privilege”. My position in life and appearance to others was generally viewed positively.  Yes because I was counseled/advised/internalized my orientation was bad/shameful and something to be hidden and the performative part of me was valued over my authentic part. It gets tiring to keep pretending to be something and suppressing part of yourself

Relationship with identity/sense of self

I’m still not keen on labeling myself. I know now that I can have a romantic relationship with anyone, irrespective of gender. But I need men sexually more than women. I can only have monogamous relationships with men. I openly date men and identify with many issues/identity aspects that gay men have but I do find women attractive enough and in ways that my actual gay peers do not. I have some commonalities with bi/pan men and will use bi/pan/queer labels when asked and only drill down to a level of preciseness when pressed (biromantic homoflexible). 

Is there any symbols or slang that surrounded you before that you previously didn't understand?

No not really – I learned about LGBT culture online before encountering it in person. 

How does this impact your friend groups?

I avoided anything queer-related when I was in the closet because my sexuality was always doubted by others but I felt that by avoiding that community I could avoid “guilt by association.” By doing “straight” things long enough those questions subsided. At the same time it was isolating. I definitely had to make up for lost time by meeting new people more like me after I came out

What have you witnessed in the divide of ages?

Generalities - Younger groups have it easier.  When I was in HS, anything gay-related was off limits subject to bullying, GSAs did not exist and actual laws out there included no-promo-homo (for schools) and broader society gay sex was still technically illegal in some locations (rarely enforced). Also gay = AIDS = Death. Not a good time.

Have you had experience being in the closet? Are you out?

Spent the years from age 17 to 31 there unintentionally as I really did not fully come to terms with myself until I was 31. Then from 31 to 44, I intentionally stayed there because my life was complicated by so many decisions I made before I knew myself and accepted it.

What is your experience coming out post-marriage?

Ex-wife was homophobic and disrespectful. Evidence of this occurred before the divorce. Also unstable so I needed to be legally divorced before coming out. Marriage had other issues so the focus lay elsewhere. Ex told me once she contemplated trying to change custody arrangements after coming out but was told that was a lost cause by her attorney

Life after coming out

Not bad but some bumps. I came out in mid 2019 (quietly and only to those close to me) and made real efforts to find my community as I had lost most of my friend group after the divorce and growing up of my children. I went on dates (mostly men but a few women) and found a friend group. Then the pandemic hit and I lost all but one of them as I wasn’t close enough when people limited contact with others. Then I needed to move twice, once within NYC and then to Atlanta, more or less severing this. In 2022 I started doing a variety of social things in Atlanta and by 2023 I managed to find a group of friends (and a boyfriend) that I connect well with. I feel generally good with where things stand now

How long did you know?

Late bloomer, no real crushes or interest in anyone until 8th grade. Had interest in dating girls because that was expected of me. Did have crushes on a few girls since grade 8 (13yr o). Definitely knew I was interested in boys by 17, had a crush on a boy senior yr but he did not feel the same. May have had a crush on a boy in Gr 8 but uncertain if that was or was not . Thought I was gay until college when I got a girlfriend and discovered I was sexually into girls. Thought desires for boys would go away as a “mistake.” Desires did go away somewhat, received messaging that this was wrong, immoral, etc and try to make heterosexuality work.  Spent late teens and 20s realizing I was interested in men like I was interested in women, liked being flirted with by guys, asked out on dates but could not reconcile that with what I was supposed to be doing.  Tried alcohol and prayer to resolve.  I was 31 before I accepted I was bisexual. Did not tell anyone I knew in person of this for another 14 years.

Divide in the friend group: generations of queerness/ diversity in age

Most millennials and younger came out gay or bi in HS. With guys in my generation and older, the gay ones generally came out after HS, in college or their early 20s but those who were bisexual, generally only dated women openly (guys secretly) and more often than not, came out later either because they were caught or as society advanced into the 2010s, this sort of thing became more acceptable and less stigmatizing.

Familial reaction?

Family reaction in the 90s-00s would have been more likely than not, been negative based on my knowledge of them though my immediate family and closer extended family did change viewpoints on queer community along with the times and by the time I came out in 2019 they were in a position to be positive. Definitely know some extended family remain disapproving of me but they're not in a position to affect me.  

Unpacking own preconceived biases?

Listed in the order I dealt with them (age at when resolved)

Same sex desire is wrong/immoral (up to age 22/23)

I must be defective because I am attracted to men like I am attracted to women (31)

Ok nothing is wrong with me but this is a secret I must take to the grave (43)

Women are for relationships, men are for sex only (44)

Bisexuality doesn’t mean 50/50 attraction (46-47)

Community? Being queer and being a father

This one is somewhat uncommon. Most out gay men do not have children. Most gay/bi men I do know that DO have kids were like me and tried to make heterosexuality work first. A few are still married to their wives with some sort of open arrangement but most are now divorced. It is a challenge, especially for the guys with younger kids because most gay men do not have interest in having kids or dealing with a man that does. I do enjoy meeting men like me and comparing notes because it is that uncommon (and with younger generations coming out sooner, becoming even rarer).

Did notice a thread that some of us married narcissistic women (in many cases they pursued us) because we were not in a position to properly understand and come to terms with our sexuality.

How did people react?

Generally most were not surprised. I am not one of those very “straight-acting” types even when I was pretending to be straight. Most people close/important to me remained supportive. I am uncertain how my actual children really feel about me but I certainly do not feel any sort of disrespect. My mom did take more time than my dad or sister to process and I had a female friend that saw me as a potential romantic partner who also struggled a bit re-adjusting her expectations. Aside from my ex (below) nothing negative received or hinted to.

Relationship with ex-post coming out

Atrocious but only partially because of this.(her other personality quirks also played a part) She did react and deal poorly compared to others. She verbally insulted me several times, sometimes quite vulgarly and used homophobic statements. However her poor general mental state and narcissistic personality were side factors and likely would have been negative no matter what.

Impact on your relationship with masculinity/gender?

OK now. I knew early on (maybe 9-10yr I wasn’t like typical boys) in terms of behavior and expectations and this continued to evolve as I hit puberty and became an adult. I did not like typical male behavior and was perceived as effeminate fairly early on. Had an above average number of female friends compared to male. If I was raised in the contemporary era, I may have pushed back against gender norms a bit more in HS. I did try drag once but realized I didn’t look good outside of a masculine look and really do have no gender-related dysmorphia. I did try and suppress more feminine traits and my ex wife policed my overall appearance and would let me know if something I wore or did deviated from her masculine expectations.  Once I came out i really stopped giving a fuck on how others perceive me and honestly that was the most freeing because I don’t need to try and fit in the traditional masculine box. 

Also related to masculinity and attraction, prior to coming out, I only found men who were more feminine than myself attractive. After coming out I realized more traditionally masculine men were also attractive and dateable. At this point I only struggle to date men with exaggerated masculine traits (excessive muscles, very hairy or a super “bro-y” attitude).

Your interpretation of Bi erasure (for men)

To me there are two types of male bi erasure.

Societal Erasure - This is the society messaging that bi-men are really gay but in denial. Thus men who mostly date men but occasional have (or would) date women get lumped into the gay box. 

Self Erasure - This is more insidious and prevents us from fully understanding bi/pan/queer men. This starts with the person themself. Unless the guy is really open and dates towards the 50/50 male/female split, bi men can erase themselves in one of two ways:

Men who are more attracted to women (and/or have serious internalized homophobia) will keep silent about their same sex desires and for all intents and purposes identify as straight (despite having sex with men).  Men in this position will also do that to preserve their ability to date women down the line as many surveys have noted that a majority of women will not date men who have slept with other men

Men who are out and mostly date men will sometimes identify (or willingly be identified by others) as gay just to avoid the “oh you will/do still date women” conversation with other men. Honestly sometimes it is just easier to do that for me so I can avoid talking about that messy life and I won’t correct the “he’s gay” presumption. And I have met some “gay” men who admit to watching porn with women and wondering/fantasizing about sleeping with women. 

Have you felt unseen/disenfranchised for being queer?

If you havent have you witnessed a friend who has? A place of privilege in that?

Prior to coming out I definitely felt unseen. Pride month was actually kind of a downer for me, especially in NYC. I really wanted to go and be a part of that but was not safe to do that openly or even secretly. As long as I pretended to be straight, my secret was safe. As far as I can tell, I have not had any negative impacts since coming out.

This is the perspective of someone who came out in their adult life in the late 2010’s

How did it made you feel to know people just categorize you as "hiding yourself"?

I did get this from several women, including my ex. With the other women, which included bi women I did get the are you not sure question and/or statements how bi men were “undateable.” The trope about bi men really hiding their true sexuality (gay) was pretty pervasive.  The only negative comments I heard gay men say directly to me about bi men were about the bi men who are closeted or on the down low and refuse to see men as anything other than sex objects. 

Anything you feel like adding?

Bottom line. On the whole I do not feel negatively impacted because I had other points of privilege to protect me and while I do wonder what could have been if I made other life choices in my actual life, if I was gayer or straighter or if I was born 10 or 20yrs later there really isn’t a way to change what happened.

[confirmedcannibal]

Idk if this is helpful but when I was in hs I was Obsessed with BBC Sherlock and would spend all my days role-playing on omegle about it. I would force myself to type with British spellings and use British slang and terminology.

I cannot stress enough that I was a Californian and had never even been to the UK.

Any way I think if someone will put that much effort into trying to be British for role-playing purposes then you're ok just. Being British and roleplaying

I'm English, but my worry is that people assume I'm too English when I try to rp or write the boys

[cuomophobe]

There is nothing I love more than when I rub off on other people, and they rub off on me. I say "yarp" bc my bf does. My friend says "my beloved" bc I do. A lot of the slang I use is inherited from my hs bestie. My family jokingly use my catchphrase. We are all constantly changing because of each other <3