#Example of the events that’ll happen once you hug them

[baldisbasicsandurmom]

Being entirely fair, I'd give Chalkles a hug.

[silenceofthecookies]

Hello cookie, congratulations on 700! For the event, can I plz ask for domestic headcanons for the bleach captains? If not that's ok! Thank you!

Of course! Enjoy!

Shunsui Kyouraku

Shunsui is at the age where he no longer plays around in a relationship. He's in it until the end, or not at all. He insists on open an honest communication and on being able to talk differences out like adults instead of screaming at each other like two stubborn teenagers.

He will do pretty much anything you ask him to do in the house. Captain or not, you shouldn't be the only one keeping your house clean and organized.

Waking up with a bad mood when living together with Shunsui is impossible. He prefers to have you in his arms when going to sleep, and he will hold on to you throughout the night. When he wakes up, he'll stay as still as possible until you wake up. Then it's time for morning kisses and cuddles.

Shunsui enjoys stargazing with you in the garden, accompanied by a nice bottle of sake and some snacks. He'll have his arms around you, or even have you sitting on his lap if you're comfortable with that, just so he can comfortably hug you and still watch the stars.

Juushiro Ukitake

Due to his illness, Juushiro can't do all that much in the house on bad days. On good days though, he likes to take the opportunity to cook for you. He enjoys is and is very good at making typical home-food. Nothing fancy or exotic, but the kind of things that are nutritious and make you feel happy.

Juushiro enjoys being near you more than anything. It doesn't matter if you two are doing different things in the same room, as long as you are near him and sometimes look up to smile at him, he will be happy. This is why he insists on getting a house with an open kitchen.

He also likes to decorate the house with lots of potted plants. Flowers to brighten up the room, some herbs for in the kitchen to cook with, and some bonsai trees for him to occupy himself with on days when he can't leave his bed.

He really enjoys you combing his hair, and if possible, he will gladly return the favour. Ideally, he'll sit in front of a big mirror when you do so, so he can look you in the eyes though the mirror as he talks to you. You can style his hair pretty much anyway you want.

Bakuya Kuchiki

Byakuya does what he can to be a good boyfriend/husband, but he is and will always be a noble. Things like housework is done by the servants, not by him. This counts for you too, of course. You won't need to lift a finger. He won't really understand if you want to do certain things in the house anyway (be it for the sake of control or just because you like something), but he'll let you.

Well-taught as he is, Byakuya wouldn’t be able to cook a meal if his life depended on it. He never learned how to cook, and he has no intention of learning it either.

Despite his busy schedule, he tries to have dinner with you every night. It’s not always possible, and sometimes when it is he has to go back to finish work afterwards, but he wants to make some time for you every day.

He will often get you little gifts. Flowers, chocolates, jewellery… Sometimes because he saw them and thought of you, sometimes just because he wanted to spoil you a little. Whenever he has something to apologise for, like for example not being able to make it to dinner with you, he gets you something as well.

Unohana, Shinji, Yoruichi, Urahara, Toshiro, Soi-Fohn and Kenpachi below the cut!

Retsu Unohana

Retsu's house is full of plants, and it wouldn't be complete without a garden as well. Most plants that she grows have some kind of medicinal properties, or can be used to make a nice, calming cup of tea. Teatime is a must, and if the weather allows it, she prefers to have it in her garden.

The plants are pretty much the only bright colours in the house. Aside from those, everything is in soft colours so the plants really pop out. There's also very little dark colours in the house, she prefers everything to be light. Big windows/windows that cover a complete wall are a must.

Retsu insists on no shoes in the house. They are left at the door and changed for indoor slippers or socks. No. Dirty. Shoes. In. The. House.

Marriage is no big deal for Retsu. If you want to get married, she'll be on board, but if you don't want to, she's just as fine with that as well. She appreciates the symbolism but at the end of the day, that's all marriage is. She doesn't need a piece of paper to tell people that she loves you and that she wants to spend the rest of her life with you.

Shinji Hirako

Shinji loves teasing you and once you live in the same house, that just gets worse. His terribly cheesy sense of humor is also still a daily occurrence. Yes, even when you're in a bad mood. Especially when you're in a bad mood.

Shinji is very lazy when it comes to his household. He'll make sure it's clean enough to not get sick from living in his own trash and dirt, but he'll push his chores off a lot and he'll leave his stuff lying around throughout the house. If you're a person who likes a clean and/or tidy house, you'll either have to kick his ass or clean up after him.

Surprise kisses. They happen a lot in general, just when he feels like it, but especially when you're in a video chat. He thinks it's hilarious to have your friends/family/co-workers think you have a perfect and loving boyfriend/husband, while he's actually a cheeky little bastard.

He leaves little notes throughout the house when he leaves. Some are sweet, some are jokes. He'll put them in the fridge, on the toilet, inside the shower, on his pillow,… anywhere he knows you'll come.

Yoruichi Shihoin

There is one night of the week dedicated to movie night and takeout. Both the eating and watching the movie will be done in bed. No, this is not up for debate. Lazy movie nights in bed are a must.

Be prepared for this woman wearing little to no clothes when she's home. She doesn't give a damn if people see her naked or not, and you're living together anyway, who cares if she's naked? Clothes are for going outside and for when visitors come over.

She loves taking baths or showers together as well, and not (necessarily) in a suggestive way. It's just a nice way to relax together, ‘and it saves water, right? *wink wink*’

She's actually a pretty good cook, at least when it comes to comfort food. When either of you are in a bad mood she'll step into the kitchen and make some of the best comfort food you've ever had. Which will then, of course, be eaten on the couch or in bed, in front of the tv, with a comfort movie.

Her favourite movies are comedies and romcoms. Anything that'll give her a good laugh is fine.

Kisuke Urahara

Another very laid-back person to live with. There is no rush at all when living with this man, with anything. He's the type of person to be at least a little late to every party or meeting because he just wanted to take his time and get ready in a relaxed way.

Don't let him take care of plants. He is the worst plant dad and they will die. Only cacti survive, and even those will struggle to do so.

Kisuke moves around in his sleep a lot and will steal the covers. A good way to remedy this is to use his chest as a pillow, he'll barely move at all then. Does the pressure on his chest really keep him still, or did he move around a lot on purpose as an excuse to get to you cuddle up to him at night? You will never know.

This man is very clingy. It doesn't matter what you're doing, he wants to have his arms around you. You're cooking? His arms are around your waist. You're trying to clean up? Good luck. His favourite moment is when you're both watching tv though. He'll pull you as close to possible to cuddle up on the couch.

Toshiro Hitsugaya

Toshiro has the windows open all-year round in his bedroom. Even when it is freezing outside, he'll want to open the windows for some fresh air as he sleeps, so he doesn't wake up in that stuffy sleep air that gets stuck in bedrooms. This does give a great excuse for cuddling while sleeping though.

He'll get you flowers every week, on the same day. It's a habit, one he doesn't want to miss. It's his way of reminding you that he cares, even though he's usually very busy with his work as a captain.

He'll agree a schedule with you to do chores in the house, just to make sure it all gets done and nothing gets forgotten. Of course, he helps in the house as well.

If you're not a fighter, Toshiro will want a dog in the house to protect you. Toshiro is very good at training dogs, as he is already used to being a leader and giving orders, and this dog will be the sweetest thing until either you or him give it the command to attack. He really counts on the dog to protect you when he cannot.

Soi-Fohn

Soi-Fohn will decorate her home in a minimalistic way. The colours don't jump out at you and there is just enough decoration to make it feel homely without having trinkets and pictures all over the place. Her home basically radiates calm and is so clean you'd almost wonder if she cleaned every day.

She sleeps with a lot of blankets. During the night she will want to say warm and she'll get closer to any source of warmth, which usually is you.

You need but say the word and Soi-Fohn will help you out with whatever she can in the house. Grocery shopping, the dishes, the laundry,… you name it. She will also start doing things without saying it if she notices you are a little overwhelmed.

She REALLY wants a cat. She loves the little creatures and has always wanted one of her own, but due to her often being away from home for extended periods of time, she never got one. If you've got a job that allows you to go home every day, she'll definitely bring it up.

Of het days off, she likes to cook something for you. She's actually a pretty good cook, though she rarely has the time to prepare something special for you.

Kenpachi Zaraki

Kenpachi is oddly clingy when you're home. He loves you, so he wants to be around you. Preferably have an arm around you. He's not shy about admitting it either. Why should he be? He wants to hold you. He's your boyfriend/husband. It's only normal.

He is the easiest guy ever to cook for. As long as you have made it, Kenpachi will eat about anything. Doesn't matter if you burnt it a little, doesn't matter if it's something he usually doesn't like. If you made it, he will eat it.

His favourite food is BBQ though, and when you eat BBQ he's the one making it. It's about the only thing he can cook, but that meat is prepared perfectly. He'll wear an apron will some stupid BBQ-related pun on it whenever he's doing so.

Kenpachi needs a dog in the house to play with, to get rid of that excess energy of his. It's likely a breed that's generally seen as dangerous, like a Pitbull. The dog is the absolute sweetest thing though, wouldn't harm a fly, and it loves playing fetch.

Kenpachi lets his dog sleep on his bed, which will cause some funny moments while trying to cuddle because the dog wants in on the affection too.

[danetobelieve]

Parent Trap || Ariana, Blanche, Ricky, Rio and Winston

When: 26/06/2020 Who: @letsbenditlikebennett, @harlowhaunted, @ricky-corderbro, @3starsquinn & @danetobelieve Where: The carnival Summary: Ricky, Blanche and Ariana set a trap for Rio and Winston under the pretence of celebrating Ricky’s birthday. Shenanigans ensue. We’re all happy and our skin is clear for the first time in thirteen years. Warnings: None

After what seemed like a hellish month, Ariana was looking forward to their trip to the carnival. While Rio and Winston were under the impression this outing was to celebrate Ricky’s birthday, the rest of the gang had other plans. For the first time in a long time, she felt giddy again. Ricky, Blanche, and Ariana had the perfect plan in motion to get Rio and Winston to talk about the fact they liked each other. They kissed, but they still both seemed absolutely clueless that the other actually liked them. There was a pep in her step as they walked around the carnival, taking in both the fun and weird in stride. They’d been chatting when they walked by a lion, that Ariana quickly realized was actually a golden retriever. She cut off the chatter mid-sentence and exclaimed, “Okay, pause for a second.” She knelt down and extended her hand for the dog to sniff. As it gave her hand a few tentative licks, Ariana was beaming before petting its head. “Good doggy,” she cooed, before turning back to her friends, “So what’s next? I was thinking we could hit up the Ferris wheel, see how cursed White Crest looks from way above.” She looked to Ricky and Blanche to support her suggestion. 

Winston had spent a bit of time at the carnival already and they were pretty convinced that it was not as mundane as they would like you to think. That rollercoaster for example definitely had a jump in it, which was not a thing rollercoasters regularly had, but Winston couldn’t see a gap anywhere in the tracks. Adjusting their sunglasses, Winston took a long drink from their soda, the straw making an incredibly irritating slurping noise. “The Ferris wheel?” they asked unconvinced. Was it them or was it just incredibly hot all the time now? They couldn’t remember the summers of White Crest being this hot at a normal time, maybe it was global warming. “Are you sure you don’t want to do something like one of the rides or one of the games or something?” 

Ricky loved a good scheme. Winston and Rio would make an adorable couple; if they could get over their innate awkwardness and actually talk about the fact that they were clearly into each other. So when Ariana had come to him with the idea that they parent trap them into a situation where they had to talk, he was 100% on board. “Well I’m the almost-birthday boy.” The ruse that this was to celebrate Ricky’s birthday, which was fully a month away, was flimsy at best. But he was lucky to have friends who were fully supportive of celebrating him. Taking a large bite of his cotton candy he fluttered his eyelashes and pouted, “And the birthday boy wants to ride the Ferris Wheel.” A former flame had once told him his puppy-dog eyes were weapons grade and Ricky fully leveraged that in this moment. “It’s such a nice night for it, and I think there’s going to be enough of a breeze up there where we’ll actually cool down a bit. Without me having to take my shirt off.” 

Despite the awkwardness, and the drama and all the terror that lead up to this carnival, Orion couldn’t imagine a better night. It wasn’t a night he had only ever pictured, and never truly imagined could ever be real. A summer night, spent out at a carnival with a group of his closest friends. Back in high school, this had been nothing more than a fantasy he may doodle in his notebook during class. And now he was here, roaming around the place with some of his best friends in the world. Maybe things weren’t all perfect, but maybe just for tonight they could be. These thoughts had preoccupied Rio, who had been watching the exchange among his friends while sipping lemonade from the straw of his giant souvenir cup. Rio had no preference either way. They could ride the ferris wheel, play their rigged games or even go into that ridiculously cursed mime attraction. Rio really didn’t care as long as he got to do it with them. “Wow… you’re really going to pull the birthday card the entire month aren’t you?” Rio whined, realizing that he was in for a very long ride if his roommate was already talking about his birthday. “Fine. Ferris Wheel it is. Just please keep your shirt on.”

“Immmf takimph themmph mfff, itms me,” Blanche’s muffled voice came from her arms circling around the giant, pink unicorn stuffed animal trapped in her arms. A gray wolf and a few other smaller ones were somewhere in there too. Ricky and Ariana had, perhaps, gotten a little too excited at some of the games. She shifted poking her head through the fluff. “I said, if anyone’s taking their shirt off, it’s me. It’s hot,” Blanche said, grinning. Fun carnival times, cheesy parent-trapy plan included, was exactly what she needed right now. After everything that had happened with Bea and with Granny, this was a good palate cleanser. Something to take her mind off things, even if it was just for a little while. She adjusted her many stuffed animals again. “C’mon Rio, you can’t fault Ricky for milking every bit of his existence. It’s clearly, like, at least a two month affair.” She shuffled them all again, refusing to drop any of them. “C’mon, let’s get in line, it’s not too long now and I’ll bet the view’ll be great around now.”

Ariana had offered to help Blanche carry the full on pack of stuffed animals that she and Ricky had won for her, but she’d been pretty insistent on carrying them herself. She giggled as the stuffed animals muffled her words. “You sure you don’t want a hand there, Blanche,” she teased with a smirk fully formed on her face. This was turning out to be one of the best days she’d had in a really long time. It felt like the breath of fresh air they all truly deserved and she was glad to have each and every one of them in her life. She laughed as she added on to Rio, “Listen, if it was up to me, we’d be celebrating Ricky every day of the year. So he gets a birthday month and ferris wheel it is.” She led the way over to the line and found she was unable to hide her devious grin. Soon, Rio and Winston would be on their ferris wheel car together, alone where they’d have to talk. She was sure she could convince the ride operator to have the wheel take a few extra spins. 

After feeling on edge for so long, it was hard not to feel as if something was just around the corner that would take them by surprise and hurl them into the dark pits of some despairing nightmare. Winston however was sure that was just a weird denial thing and today was going to be amazing. They were determined to have a good time. For Ricky. Celebrating was important. They’d already had a pretty good time with the attractions apparently and Winston couldn’t help but take several photos of their friend struggling under the burden of her new stuffed friends. “Fine, fine, Ferris Wheel I can do, but I’m going to start a birthday jar and every time you try and get us to do something trivial that’s absolutely not birthday related you can put a dollar in it.” Winston grinned and made a beeline towards the Ferris Wheel, tossing their now empty soda in a bin as they passed by it. They’d been to the carnival a few times already, but when Ricky had suggested this they couldn’t say no. 

Orion was content watching the rest of his friends banter. He was grinning widely as he sipped his lemonade and followed the group towards the Ferris wheel. “You’re both really nice to Ricky right now but we live with him.” Rio added in, pointing between himself and Winston. Even Ariana had practically moved in. Rio wasn’t sure if that was a permanent spot or not, but he was happy for her company. “You get to go to the safety of your homes eventually but we have to hear about his birthday 24/7.” He bumped against Ricky, playful nudging to show that he was just kidding. Though his attempt to bump shoulders with him was a failure, since Ricky was so much taller than Rio was. “I don’t suppose telling you about my fear of heights is going to change anything. Or my fear of carnivals for that matter... if we see a clown I’m dipping.” Rio sighed. By this point, he was used to going along with whatever his friends dragged him into, he was even starting to enjoy it. Not that he’d admit that he was sorta thrilled about breaking into a mime restaurant or anything. 

“I will absolutely 600% not be shamed for celebrating the auspicious event that is my birth for the amount of time it well and truly deserves… one month minimum. You may pay your tithes to the birthday emperor whenever you wish.” Ricky pretended to stagger back as Rio nudged into him, beaming at his roommate. The Ferris Wheel loomed large as they approached it and over the top of Orion’s blue hair Ricky shot Blanche a wicked smile; at least the portions of her he could see through the stuffed menagier she was holding. The plan was simple enough; just make sure Winston and Rio were at the front of the group when they got in line and hang back enough that they got put into their own car. “I’m pretty sure it’s clown free my dude. I don’t remember having ever seen one and I”ve been to this like every year. As to the heights… being surrounded by friends always makes that easier! We’ve got your back. You’ll be fine.” 

“I’m managing just fine on my own, thank you!” Blanche said, hugging the stuffed animals tighter, as if to prove it. “Just don’t look down when we get to the top, look out onto the horizon. That’ll help.” Blanche snickered, trying her best to grin back at Ricky’s evil look. Blanche shuffled, aiming to do so slowly - which, surprisingly enough, wasn’t that hard considering the mass amount of fluff she was carrying in her arms. It worked like a charm, honestly. Ricky and Ariana should be top-notch schemers. Blanche stopped dead in her tracks, as the ride operator waved Rio and Winston into the car, and Blanche just cheerfully said, “We’ll wait for the next one!” and the door closed behind them. Blanche adjusted again, and glanced over at Ariana and Ricky. “Can you two wave at them for me? Please? Like the real obnoxious princess wave from The Princess Diaries.”

“Haven’t seen any clowns yet… There might be mimes though who are equally as, if not more creepy,” Ariana assured, although the mentions of mimes probably wasn’t all that reassuring. She giggled watching Blanche just cling to her stuffed animals even more at the offer of help. Short and determined, she felt that in her soul and she loved it. A smirk was evident on her face as Rio and Winston were closed into their car. As prompted, she did the best princess wave she possibly could as they sent them off. She turned to the ride operator and handed him a twenty, “Any way you could have the wheel go around a few extra spins?” With a nod of agreement, she hopped into a new car with Ricky and Blanche closely behind. Ariana was sure to leave enough room for the full on zoo Blanche was carrying around. She was giddy as she looked to them and said, “We did it! If I’m zoned out, don’t mind me, I’m totally spying.” 

Orion should have realized that something was off when the group hung back as they started to head towards the Ferris wheel cart. They were tricked. Bamboozled by their own friends. Rio mentally took back all of the nice things he had thought about them earlier. They were actually the absolute worst. The door locked, sealing himself and Winston in the cart alone as the three stood outside of it looking way too proud of themselves. “Oh my god.” Was all that Rio said at first, working to process the situation they were now trapped in. Blanche, Ariana and Ricky has all made it abundantly clear that the two of them needed to talk. But this? Now? That was just rude. “I can’t believe they just did that.” Rio stared outside of the cart, only brave enough to sneak a few glances at Winston. He couldn’t tell what they were thinking right now. That only made Rio more terrified to be locked in the cart with them. “I think they just Parent Trapped us.”

It didn’t take Winston long to realise what had happened. Fortunately however they had never met a piece of technology that they couldn’t in some way bend to their will and they were sure that this was no different. Reaching out with their mind, Winston grasped the central mechanism of the ferris wheel and instilled their will into it. Forcing it to go backwards, watching as their little cart slowly dipped back down. Of course they forgot about their current problems, everything going the wrong way didn’t seem to agree with the Ferris Wheel and with a grinding, Winston felt the wheel fight back and continue going the right way. Sighing, Winston release the magic and felt the drip of their nose bleeding. “Oh, shit,” they scrabbled around for a tissue, “you got something I can use to stop the nose bleed, I tried and failed to magic us out of this mess…” they sighed gently, “I guess they all really think we need to talk?” 

Suddenly, the Ferris wheel jerked and stopped, slowly starting to move backwards. At first, Orion was just convinced this was sketchy carnival mechanics and was sure that they were about to die. His body stiffened in place, his eyes squeezing shut and hoping that whatever happened it happened quickly. But then things stopped and went back to normal, and a moment later, Rio poked an eye open to see Winston’s nose bleeding. Magic. “Jesus, Winston are you okay?” Rio slid his book bag off his back and dug inside of it, pulling out a bag of wet wipes and offering it to Winston. “You’re lucky I’m clumsy and get hurt a lot.” He sighed, pulling his legs up in a pretzel and leaning against the wall of the cart. “Well, they uh- I don’t know what they’d possibly think we should talk about.” Rio’s laugh was more nervous than anything else. He had know idea how much Winston had told them, if they had told the group anything at all. “But uh- whatever it is, you know Ariana’s eavesdropping right now.” At least she was the only one of the three with super hearing.

Raising an eyebrow gently, Winston nervously adjusted their glasses before gingerly taking a wet wipe from Orion. “Thanks dude,” they said as they reached up and wiped blood away from their nose, “I’m fine, I was just trying to beat them at their own game but my magic hasn’t been the same since I- I mean we brought Bea back and obviously that was too much.” They didn’t say anything for a moment as they tried to stop the bleeding. As usual it didn’t last too long, just their bodies way of saying not to over do it on the magic. The Ferris Wheel slowly churned them forward, taking them up towards the height of the wheel. “Oh, good point.” Winston reached into their bag and fished out a small speaker. “I’ve been working on this specifically for people with supernatural hearing, this should make it too annoying to listen.” Winston flicked the switch to Werewolf and began sending out a very annoying beeping pulse. “You … you get what they want us to talk about right?” 

It felt weird to stare at Winston right now, but the concern over the bloody nose was evident. Orion wanted to lean forward, to help make sure all the blood was off of their face. But considering what they were locked in here for, it didn’t seem like the safest option right now. “It’s probably not an easy spell- you should probably try to rest on the magic for a little bit. Who knows how much energy that took out of you.” His gaze, unsure where to look, settled on the scar on Winston’s neck. It made Rio think of his own scars, wondering how Winston would feel about them. Rio’s handles handles fumbled nervously with the sleeves of his hoodie at the thought. When Winston flipped the machine on, a loud noise pulsated in Rio’s ears and he cringed, rubbing at his ears. “Yep, definitely works.” Werewolf hearing was more sensitive than a hunter’s, so the noise must be annoying for her. “That’s so freaking cool,” Rio stared at the machine in wonder. “Yo- That’s really amazing” Rio knew his face must be red, he wasn’t sure that the blushing would ever go away this time. “I have some theories,” Rio claimed, “We uh- I may have mentioned it to them. About the party. And the uh- what happened at the party. Sorry.” 

Raising an eyebrow, Winston shrugged. “I don’t know if it was easy or too ambitious, this thing must weight a few tonnes at least.” They weren’t sure it was the best idea to try again either. They didn’t want to pass out. Noticing Rio’s discomfort, Winston twiddled the dial on the thing to adjust the frequency, hoping that it wouldn’t bother them as much. “Sorry, is that better?, I don’t want to hurt anyone or anything, I just don’t want them listening into a private conversation. I know they think they’re helping but … we should be able to do this at our own pace rather then at a pace that they think works for us.” They tapped their hand against the seat, very aware of just how close Rio was. Was that his deodorant? Winston wasn’t sure but Orion smelled amazing. “What are you apologising for?” Winston asked quietly, a frown decorating their brow. “I know things have been … awkward, I probably shouldn’t have just bailed after we … you know.” 

Winston adjusted the settings, and the noise got better. It was still there, but it wasn’t nearly as loud and Orion could hear Winston talk, “No worries, it was just loud. Not painful or anything. I’m uh- the enhanced senses aren’t perfect. I never really got a good handle on the hearing. Sometimes it’s fine and other times... it’s why I wear headphones so much around the house.” Rio wasn’t sure super hearing was even needed to hear his heartbeat at the moment. It ran a mile a minute, threatening to tear out of his chest and toss itself from the Ferris wheel. This conversation was horrifying, because it could change everything. And all Rio wanted was for things to be okay with them. At the very least, the conversation was distracting Rio from how high they were getting from the ground. “I’m just- I guess it wasn’t really my place to tell them. I should have talked to you. But then again we weren’t really talking so I couldn’t do that but just... sorry. And sorry for being sorry.” Even though neither of them had actually acknowledged the moment they were talking about, all Rio could do now was picture the kiss again. He touched his lips reflexively and left his fingers there for a long moment. “No, you’re fine. I ran off first. But I promise I wasn’t running away. I was um... puking.” He realized too late that telling the person he kissed that he puked afterwards didn’t exactly sound flattering, and tried backtracking. “Wait, that sounds really bad. I was not puking because of the... that or anything. I just can’t hold alcohol. Clearly. And it was so hot and... it wasn’t anything to do with you. At all.” Rio paused for a while, trying to build up the courage to actually say something that wasn’t an apology or an excuse. “That was... the best part of the night by far.”

“Loud and annoying I hope,” Winston nodded, supernatural abilities were disorientating at times and Winston could only imagine that enhanced senses must take some adjustment. “Got it, well, I’ll try keep this from being too annoying, at least while we’re talking…” they bit their lip. They were actually about to talk about this. “I mean, I should’ve talked to you too…” Winston bit their lip and tried to think of the right words, “and it isn’t like you were the only one that talked to everyone else but me, like, I mean- I talked to everyone else instead of you and I probably should have talked to you first but talking has never been one of my strong suits. Like I can talk just fine but I say all the wrong things and it’s no good for me or for whoever I’m talking to…” their words tailed off as they realised that they were doing exactly what they were apologising for. Winston’s eyebrows shot up at the admission that Rio was puking, “I’ll try not to take you puking personally,” Winston couldn’t help but tease Rio, “when you ran off I thought …” they weren’t sure what they had thought, “I just thought that you hadn’t … you know, I thought I’d crossed a line or … something. I don’t know. I  didn’t want to make you feel worse then I thought you already did and so I should’ve talked to you and cleared the air but instead I kind of just let things get the better of me and get awkward and then we ignored each other for about a week, which - that was fine by the way, I don’t blame you. I …. Well I guess I did the same.” 

Oh god. This was definitely the worst. Orion thought he might be sick again. “Oh. We both talked to them. Oh my god that makes me feel so much better.” Rio breathed a heavy sigh of relief. That meant that this wasn’t entirely his fault at least. It also implied that maybe Winston was stressing about this just as much as Rio had been. Rio at least found some comfort in that. “Please don’t.” Rio laughed along with him, reveling in the chance to share a laugh with them again. “I mean I was definitely scared too. But not in a bad way. I’ve- God this is embarrassing- I’ve never actually kissed anyone before. Not for real. Not like that.” Rio finally said the words out loud to them. They had officially acknowledged what had happened and now there was really no turning back. “But it wasn’t you at all. It’s all very much me.” There were only a few people that Rio could be this honest with. Even though things had been awkward with Winston, they were still one of those people. “Listen, I just don’t want to ruin anything? I- I don’t know how parties work. Maybe that stuff happens all the time. But I miss talking to you.” Rio wanted to give Winston the out. A chance to put things behind both of them and try to get back to normal. No obligation. Rio would learn to get over it. He would have to.

“What? You thought I’d be able to stay completely silent after that? I stayed up most of the night just waiting to hear you come back because I’d left you there and I wanted to make sure you were okay.” Winston couldn’t believe they were admitting that but they couldn’t help it. Winston blushed when Rio admitted that this had been his first kiss. Winston hoped it hadn’t been the worst. “Oh, I didn’t … how was that your first kiss? You’re hot.” Winston slapped a hand over their mouth for a second and sighed. “Sorry, I think- I am like the most awkward person that I know…” they sighed gently. “Look, Rio, I missed talking too, like … a lot.” Rio was one of their best friends but it  was more then that. “You didn’t ruin anything I just wished we’d talked sooner.” Thank God Ariana couldn’t overhear any of this. She would have a field day with just how right she would’ve thought that she was. “... y’know it was a pretty good kiss if it was your first … time.” Winston swallowed nervously. How the fuck did they do this shit in the movies? 

“Oh? Really? Um” Orion couldn’t believe that Winston had actually done that. Actually, he could believe it. He just was surprised that they did that night, of all nights. After what happened. “Yeah uh, Blanche came and got me. She drove me around for a bit before I finally got the courage to come home.” Rio had stood out on the hallway for what felt like an hour, wondering if he should try knocking to apologize. But he assumed Winston had been asleep. Plus, he was way too afraid to knock anyways. And then things just sort of devolved from there. 

When Winston called him hot, Rio’s face went nuclear and he began coughing, choking on nothing, but unable to process their words. “I- don’t know how to respond to that” Rio laughed, nothing more than a quiet chuckle at first before erupting into full blown giggling. He was turning into a fan girl. “Honestly I don’t know how either one of us could out-awkward the other” Rio couldn’t imagine a world where somebody found him hot. It was a completely foreign concept. Especially coming from someone as hot as Winston. “I wish we did too. And I agree.. about the kiss. Or uh- I concur. Oh god.” Why did it sound like some business meeting instead of them talking about this... whatever this was. “It was. My first kiss. Well technically this guy Winn kissed me once in the theater class Blanche and I were in. But it was for a scene. And it definitely didn’t feel like ours- this one did.”

Honestly, Winston wasn’t entirely sure what they had expected from Rio. Whatever it had been it wasn’t what they had gotten. Quite the opposite actually. It was weird that anyone actually felt this way around them. They were used to flying under the radar. People didn’t normally realise that Winston even existed let alone … wanted them like this. “Oh, we seem to be finding a way,” they finally said, a smile gently creeping across their face at Rio’s reaction. He was cute. Laughing a little, Winston shook their head. “I had to tell Winn to back off and mind his own business because he was trying to give me the whole, don’t you dare hurt my friend speech and it wasn’t helping…” Winston looked at the floor. “I’ve never really- I don’t date generally. I’m- I think- fuck….” they fell silent for a second longer, “I don’t know if we should just start … dating because we live together and it’s important you’ve got somewhere safe, but we could … start slow or something…” they were definitely too awkward for this.

Winston was right, they were finding a way to continue to be excessively awkward. But maybe things were slightly less so. With the truth out in the open, at least Orion didn’t have to walk on eggshells anymore. Not around Winston at least. “Yeah Winn... he has good intentions. He can come on a little strong sometimes.” But Winn had been a good source for Rio to talk with about this, so Rio was thankful for that. Now came the hard part though. Now things were out in the open, so where did they go from this? Rio couldn’t begin to hypothesize an answer. He had no clue what this was like. Or how they should proceed. “Yeah uh- clearly I don’t either. No dating experience.” Rio sighed. They were both really bad at this. “Hey, listen I agree, one hundred percent. But you don’t have to worry about that. I feel safer around you than most people. That’s not going to change.” Rio was conflicted. He knew how he felt about Winston. But maybe a relationship was a bad choice. Everyone had assured him that he wasn’t alone in feeling clueless, but Winston deserved someone that knew how to date. Rio was clueless. Useless. “I don’t- I don’t want you to feel like you have to do anything. I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t- I have issues. That much is obvious. You deserve someone dynamic and amazing and hot like you- I don’t want to hold you back. I want you to be happy.”

Pausing, Winston considered what they wanted to say next. They didn’t particularly care about Winn, honestly they didn’t know him well enough to have a strong opinion either way and this was between the two of them. “Well, at least we’re in the same boat.” Winston paused and listened carefully. “I-” they didn’t really know if they were ready to say what they wanted to say but now wasn’t the time to be afraid, forcing themselves to continue, Winston took a deep breath, “I can’t make this call for you so if you think it’s fine and you won’t stop feeling safe then fine, but it’s more important that you aren’t forced into a bad living situation and I would hate that to be because of me…” Although maybe that was something out of Winston’s control. Rio’s parents weren’t good people and although they were sure there was some hope for Athena they hadn’t been convinced that was enough to jeopardize Rio’s current position. “I don’t feel like I have to do anything and in case you hadn’t noticed we both have issues, fuck dude me and Blanche were bringing someone back from the dead last weekend and you still want to date me?” That was wild. “I mean, not that I’m saying that you do, hypothetically …” They were sure that they were past that by now. “I don’t care about any of that, that’s why I like you, you’re smart and you’re funny and you’re hot too, fuck dude I’m-” Winston didn’t give compliments, “You’re a really good person Rio. I can see how kind you are and you wouldn’t even hunt werewolves or whatever when your parents tried to brainwash you into it, you know how rare that is? Apparently pretty fucking rare.” 

God, was Orion tearing up right now? Jesus, how embarrassing. Rio wiped at his eyes, attempting to do it without notice until the sniffling gave everything away. “It doesn’t matter, you know? If we just stay friends. If we date. If we break up. I’ll always feel safe around you. You’re like one of the best people I know.” But Winston was saying some of the nicest things that Rio had ever heard about himself. And even better, Rio had no doubts that Winston was being honest about all of it. “I do- I mean. I’m terrified. I don’t know the first thing about dating or anything like that. But I also know that I uh- feel differently around you than anybody else. It’s a really good feeling. I wish I could explain it more eloquently.” Rio facepalmed himself. How did others always know the right thing to say? Rio could barely get a word out without replacing them with his foot. “But you’re right. Slow is probably the best start. Just to make sure we’re both comfortable” and to give Winston an out if they wanted it, “Plus, it’ll drive them all crazy probably.” Rio smiled, pointing out of the car and towards the cart that followed behind them.

Swallowing, Winston wanted to protest. “You- you say that now dude, but you can’t predict how you’ll feel after we’ve- if we-, fuck you know what I mean dude.” Rio getting emotional made Winston’s heart break a little. “You don’t need to explain it more eloquently …” Winston looked at their converse for a moment, fixating on a stain on the white toe at the end of their foot. “I definitely feel differently around you- I mean, about you. I’m not saying that we should just start something completely drastic, but maybe we could try things slowly … and at our own pace. I love our friends but I don’t need them pressuring me into making this into something that it isn’t yet. But, if it could be something then I would really like it to be something.” Winston was completely certain that had made no sense whatsoever. 

Winston was probably right. If they did try this, whatever this may turn out to be, who knew how it would end. If they ever broke up or didn’t work out things would definitely be awkward. But Orion couldn’t believe there was even the slightest slimmer of a chance that he would ever feel unsafe around them. Rio had even gotten over the... necromancy thing. And quickly. When he first heard about the man, he didn’t know how to feel. But this was Winston. They wouldn’t have done it for no reason. Rio truly believed that. “Seriously. It doesn’t matter. If we end up... y’know. And it doesn’t work out or whatever happens. That won’t make me feel unsafe. Maybe awkward but we’ve already been doing that so.” Rio couldn’t be sure that this was exactly what he wanted, but only because he had no clue how to start a relationship. Was that what Winston and Rio were doing right now? He didn’t think so. But for now, as long as the two could talk again it didn’t matter. Rio held a hand out to Winston, maybe too formal for the moment they shared. “It’s a deal.” He laughed, breathing a sigh of relief that he felt he had been holding for weeks now. Quiet seemed to envelop them for a moment, and without the distraction of talking, the dizziness finally started setting in. “Oh god. I just remembered how high up we are. And how much darker it’s gotten.” Maybe puking wasn’t completely off the table yet.

By some strange… be it magic or just the inherent workings of a carnival, a quick glance and then doubletake at his watch told Ricky that while it certainly hadn’t felt like it, they’d been up on the Ferris Wheel for a little over five hours. “Jesus Christ” he muttered under his breath as the gate to the car was opened and they exited back onto the noisy metal deck of the ride, “Glad my bladder didn’t realize we were up there for fucking ages.” He held a hand out to help Blanche and Ariana down if they needed it before turning to smile beatifically at the car holding his roommates. “Did we have fun? Did we maybe talk about some things? Nothing like a time-compressing carnival ride to give you the time to really hash things out.” As he was about to continue he heard his stomach growl noisily, “But we were up there for hours and I need a snack. I think I saw a cart selling those giant turkey legs, and your boy could definitely go for one of those.” 

For most of the ferris wheel ride, Ariana had been pouting about the high pitched frequency Winston had turned on. How was she supposed to eavesdrop with that god awful sound? Eventually, she gave up and resided to taking a million selfies with Ricky while Blanche took a nap on her giant unicorn. How many pictures they’d gotten today left her feeling delighted and she couldn’t wait for the cabin to be done so she could hang every single one up in her room. She did notice the sky getting darker and was shocked by the time, “Wait, how has it even been that long?” It dawned on her that this was White Crest. The thought was soon forgotten when they met back up with Rio and Winston. With an arched brow, she asked, “So we talked things out, right?” Somehow, she knew they did and her tone was a little snug. Quickly, she agreed with the snacks idea, “Yes, I need a turkey leg.. Or two. I’m hungry. My leg is starting to get kinda sore though.” The stitches on her leg were still healing up and taking their sweet time after being broken open twice. She gestured to Ricky to lower himself so that she could get a proper piggy back ride across the carnival. She joked, “You’re walking!” 

As Winston stepped off of the Ferris Wheel, they noticed that the sun had dipped much lower in the sky then it should have. How long had they been up there talking? It hadn’t been more then five minutes, of that much Winston was sure. At least until they glanced at their watch. “That’s definitely a magic wheel,” they muttered to Rio as they headed to meet their friends. “Ari, I put on a loud noise so that you couldn’t listen into our conversation that you forced us to have against our will, do you think we talked things out? Or do you think we sat there in silence.” Winston was deflecting. They weren’t ready to talk to the others about the conversation that they had had with Orion. That was for them for now. It didn’t however stop Winston for slipping their hand into Rio’s. Hopefully that would be enough of a message to everyone as to just how the ride had gone. “I definitely need to eat if we’ve been up there for hours. Do we want carnival food or do we want to hit up somewhere like Flipped?”

Blanche yawned loudly, the stuffed animals back in her arms as she hobbled back over to Winston and Rio with Ariana and Ricky. She slept like the dead once she realized that Ariana couldn’t hear anything, and yet it felt far too short considering how long they’d apparently been up there. Five hours? There’s no way she wouldn’t have woken up in that period of time. That didn’t make any sense. She shook it off tiredly looking between Rio and Winston between arms full of softness and fluff. They seemed better, even with Winston’s deflecting and - wait, were they holding hands? Blanche was glad she could easily bury her face into the stuffed animals and hide it, because she was definitely giggling a bit. “Flipped?” Blanche asked. “I could go for a big peanutbutter milkshake to wake me up. And coffee. So much coffee.”

Orion could feel his face heat up when Winston grabbed ahold of his hand. But he wasn’t embarrassed and he certainly didn’t want Winston to stop. It was funny how quickly Rio’s opinion on PDA switched once he actually wanted to hold onto someone else’s hand. But Winston was right, that had been a magic wheel. And if that Ferris wheel was magic, who knew what else here was sketchy. “You’re all real brave to eat the food from here, just saying” Rio laughed. Maybe he was standing too close to Winston, but right now he had no intentions of leaving their side. Not after the weeks they had spent being so awkward around each other. “I like the Flipped idea. It’s safe. Er- well , safer. And we can get Blanche some caffeine”

Ariana dramatically rolled her eyes at Winston and said, “I can’t believe you basically used a dog whistle on me.” She pouted slightly at the thought of no turkey leg, but quickly remembered she’d be able to order eggs and bacon. She laughed a bit at Rio’s mention of the food here possibly not being safe. “Eh,” she replied nonchalantly, “I’ve eaten worse and survived, but I’m good with Flipped. I could demolish some bacon right about now.” The ride itself had felt quick, but her stomach was telling a different story as it quietly rumbled. Her eyes lit up when she noticed Winston grabbing Rio’s hand and she excitedly nudged Ricky. Their mission had been a success after all and she felt gleeful knowing two of her favorite people could be happy together. “To the car then,” she exclaimed. There was a soft yet slightly tired grin on her face as they left the carnival. Some days, it still blew her mind that she had a whole group of friends she could be her true self around without facing fear or judgment. Ariana knew she’d always hold on tight to each and every single one of them and cherish this fun day for years to come. 

[najatheangel]

Hello ☺️❤️ hope you are doing good☺️❤️ may I please request a written ship with Ateez, Seventeen and SuperM. I have libra sun☺️❤️ people tell me that I have very warm nurturing sweet and very welcoming personality but I also have very strong and sharp personality❤️ I can be very soft and I can be very cold too❤️ I love music a lot!! I even write lyrics and books ❤️☺️ I am ambivert ❤️I have love for aesthetics and my favourite colour are black, whitish shiny pink. I want to spread humanity and love!!!☺️❤️ I love people!!! I just adore and love everyone, I love them!!☺️❤️for looks, I have elbow length wavy black hair, I am 5’2, I have black eyes with long eyelashes and I have tanned skintone. People say my eyes and lips are very attractive❤️thank you soo much ☺️❤️

Hello snowball, I’m so glad I got to read more about you. Ahh thanks for being so patient too. The wait is finally over here’s your ship. 😊😊✨✨

From Ateez, I ship you with...Hongjoong

Positive Side: Oml y’all should honestly get married I’m not joking. First all, you both have this sweet, nurturing and welcoming aura to you that makes everyone feel comfortable to be around you. When your with the Ateez members, you and Hongjoong are mama and papa duck always looking out for them, giving them advice when they need it most and spread love to them everyday to make them feel better. When it’s time to go to work, that’s when your sharp strong personality side comes out and give the people what they love. This man is a song composer himself and would be super happy if you would help him write songs for the album. He would look like a proud husband when you sing the lyrics back to him on key while staring into his sparkly eyes. For his solo debut, he made a song out of your name and got to perform it on a few music shows. Lastly, you both would love to give back to the community doing protests to support all kinds of movements, donate to charity and you both even adopt a stray puppy from the animal shelter and name her snowflake. Together, you both love being surrounded by your loved ones and when they see you two together, they inspire to find a future partner like you.

Negative Side: One thing that you two have in common that I notice is that you both are people pleasers and sometimes that can back fire if your putting to much energy into one person that doesn’t share the same power back. For example if one of your friends all of a sudden we’re talking about you behind your back, you would try to avoid confrontation as much as possible and brush it off pretending everything is fine. When stuff like that happens to the other person, they want to know thier name, address, who they’re associated with, etc... So they can handle the situation. It’s like you both have that you want to try to cherish and try to make those friendships work by trying to live up to thier needs and desires, but it can hurt both of you in the process.

But...: The both of you don’t want to live to see thier spouse unhappy so whenever you or Hongjoong encounters a person like that, the other person handles them and make sure you completely cut that negativity out your life. That’s how you protect each other from haters and fake people that don’t appreciate the things you do for them. With that being said, those bad experiences make you two even closer not afraid of facing anyone or anything.

Ahhh I wish I knew more about astrology love. It would’ve been a lot more helpful. I only know the basics, but no worries I’ll do my research.😣😣

From Super M, I ship you with...Taemin

Positive Side: Adorable sweethearts sharing the same love for music. Taemin is getting to that age where soon he wants to find his potential wifey which is you. He admired how charming you can be when your meeting people and how you can manage in any social event making sure everyone feels at ease. He noticed one time you were singing to one of your baby cousins to sleep singing replay and from that moment on, we was whipped with a capital W. Taemin wanted to show you the beautiful sides of life by taking you to all kinds of book stores to help you find inspiration for writing your lyrics. He would no mind pulling all nighters with you if it mean’t he can stay with you much longer. You both love spending time with each other’s family and friends so it’s not much of an issue when they first meet each other, your both always welcomed to meet up as a whole group for the holidays. Lastly, your both each other’s biggest fan throughout your entire careers. Your always in the crowd smiling and screaming “Taemin fighting” or “Taemin hubby, good luck.” the loudest in the crowd.

Negative Side: Now your fights are very rare because both of you are very soft people and don’t like starting arguments for no reason. I would say the only issue would be that you two tend to keep your problems and worries to yourself instead of bothering the other person about it. Taemin in this case tends to hide it more often because with him being an idol they have to keep that bright image and not show they’re weak sides all the time infront of fans. Sometimes it’s okay, but when it comes to you, he wants to show only his best and bright sides infront of you instead of the bad and the ugly.

But..:Once you’ve started to notice the pattern of Taemin sad facial expressions and his sad tone of voice, you grasp him by the hand gently and decide to pull him to the side asking him if he’s actually okay. It might to him awhile to open up, but once he eventually bursts all his emotions towards you, it’s the most heart breaking yet beautiful sight to witness because that helps build your level of trust together. He starts to feel more comfortable sharing his hardships with you and would only actively listen to your advice so he can face that obstacle head strong.

From Seventeen, I ship you with...DK

Positive Side: Princess and Prince vibes. You two are radiating singing sunflowers that loves to shower people with happiness, peace and smiles. At first, people kinda mistook you for twins almost because of how much your personalities are alike and how good your telepathy is. That was all until you two started hanging out more becoming more lovey dovey with each other by gazing into each other eyes, linking arms with each other and even creating your own alien language. Only you two would understand each other’s humor and would make up silly couple handshakes that would have all the seventeen members shook for. Knowing how musically talented you both are, Dk would try to convince woozi to be help write and compose songs for every comeback wanting you to share your talent with the world right beside him. Also the height difference would be so adorable, I can imagine him looking down at you smiling all excited while skipping down backstage with you before he takes off running to perform. He LOVES kissing you, it’s like vitamins to him he’ll need it three times a day before he gets cranky. Dk is definitely the guy that’ll bring your romantic fantasy to life.

Negative Side: It’s not a big problem, but once you both start dating and your schedules become more busy, it’s hard to stay apart. Your both very loving and affectionate people so it is bound to happen when you desire phone calls, hugs and kisses from each other everyday. When your not together, your moods become a lot gloomier than usual and it’s hard for the both of you to continue on working or being by yourself without seeing each other at least once a day. Your obsessions of each other is not to the extreme, but you both still feel very lost and alone without each other.

But..: You have very good patience and once your able to meet up with DK the next time, your probably not gonna leave his place until the next week. Those reunions with him make it much more rewarding to wait around for and love become much more stronger than before. For the whole day, reserves time on his schedule for you and will take you anywhere and do anything with you as long as it made you happy. He’d be willing to take you to Disney land no matter how far away you were. “Hurry snowball, we gotta pack up right now if your still trying to make the teacups.” “How is that even possible honey? You have a show in literally three hours” He cups your face kissing you and then squeezes your cheeks. “Shhh, there’s always a way. We’re only 40 min away so we gotta hurry. Are you in?” Reaches his hand out to you and then runs out the door giggling.

Ouu look at that melon skin. It’s glowing.😳😳

Out of everyone, I ship you with... Hongjoong

@kpopsnowball thanks so much for requesting love bug. I hope this somewhat made your day. Love youuu.

[sidecharacter965]

Obey Me Shall We Date demon brothers’ Love languages!

Please note that I am not yet up to chapter 20 so there may be some content that I have not seen to help with my speculation and opinions headcanons about the boy’s love languages.

A person’s “Love language '' is the way they communicate affection, and like to receive affection. There are five love languages which are:

-Physical Touch

-Words of affirmation

-Quality time

-Gift giving

-Acts of service

As an example, I like to hug people to express my happiness to see them and how much I love and care about someone. One of my friends however, prefers to just spend time with people and build bonds by doing stuff together. These are our different love languages.

In this post, I will speculate about what each of the demon brother’s love languages are based on opinions and ways they have “Flirted” with MC and/or showed concern for her. This is pretty much opinion, and what I personally feel their main love language is. (You have more than one way to show affection y’know)

Lucifer:

Love language: Quality Time

Explanation: Ohhhh boy is Lucy protective AF so I think Quality time would fit his personality the most. In all of the events so far, he’s done everything he possibly could to spend time with MC. But still got cockblocked in the sleeping event lmao Even if he’s not with MC, he’s probably always wondering about where they are and what they’re doing. He invited MC to join him for breakfast in one chat too. If you wanna get close to ol’ Lucy over here, spend time with him. When he asks you to join him it is not a request-

Mammon:

Love language: Words of Affirmation

Explanation: All Mammon wants is validation, and while he does love his head rubs and all, I feel like words of affirmation is The Great Mammon’s Love language! He’s always putting up a front and boasting about how great he is to make up for all of the times he isn’t verbally validated by the people around him. Kind of like hugging yourself so you don’t feel scared if you get what I mean. The best way to make this boy happy is to praise him! Compliment him, tell him how amazing he is, tell him the things he’s always needed to hear but never has. In return, you’ll be getting some praise yourself. He’ll try to make it backhanded and it’s adorable.

Leviathan:

Love language: Quality Time

Explanation: Levi doesn’t have many irl friends that he physically spends time with, so it’s a big thing for him when you two spend time gaming together. Spend time doing ANYTHING together in fact. The boy really loves it and normal interaction is healthy- another reason to spend time together! He will take every opportunity to go to any kind of anime related event or place, it’ll be even better now that he has someone to share all of these things with!

 How to be friends with Levi: Binge TSL Jkjk, just spend time doing stuff with him.

Satan:

Love language: Quality time

Explanation: This may be one of the things that rubbed off onto him from Lucifer lol. He’s always inviting MC to come with him to places and recommending dramas to watch together in the chats. He likes reading, discussing books, and sharing his knowledge with everyone. If you make the effort to try and calm him down when he’s angry, and stay with him to make sure he’s okay, he’ll appreciate it. He’ll also appreciate it when you ask about his books. It can be literally any of his books it doesn't matter. If you show that you’re willing to sit there and listen to him, he’ll be really grateful. Have fun with your lil ball of anger-

Asmodeus:

Love language: pHYSICAL tOUCH

Explanation: Do I really need to explain this lol. He’s constantly snuggling up to MC and putting his arms around them and just being really in MC’s personal space. As Simeon hints at during the retreat, Asmo just wants someone to love him, and from the excessive amounts of “personal space? Who’s that?” It’s safe to assume that Asmo’s love Language is Physical Touch. Tips? Let him hug you, and hug him back. Let him know when you’re uncomfortable though, if you don’t say anything, he might not realize that he’s invading your personal space.

Beelzebub:

Love language: Acts of Service

Explanation: Beel loves eating. So he loves when you cook for him and that falls under the acts of service category. Honestly, he really appreciates you going through all of that trouble to make him something that'll be gone in a matter of seconds. Make something, ANYTHING for Beel, and he will freaking love you. He’ll also show his love for you by taking you out to eat and offering to pay for the bill. Beel is just so sweet pun intended

Belphegor:

Love language: Physical Touch

Explanation: He seems to like hugs, and he’s the avatar of Sloth so I can’t help picturing him and MC snuggling up together and napping… The boy is just so soft and once he gets over the fact that you’re a human, he’ll actually start to like you and you will receive napping buddy privileges. I just feel like that would happen. We don’t get much time to interact with Belphie other than reporting back to the attic and stuff so this is more of a headcanon than speculation but oh well. I think Belphie likes hugs and hugging so if you think you’re brave enough to snuggle up to this demon boi… there’s nothing stopping you! Literally, even if he doesn’t like it, the worst you’ll get is an annoyed Belphie noise and a weak attempt to push you away.

And of course, all of the boys love gift giving as a whole group I mean the surprise guest interactions encourage you to gIVE tHEM fOOD and pRESENTS- There’s even achievements you can get for that lol

What do you think? Feel free to add your own thoughts and opinions into the mix!

[fandom-necromancer]

Decrypting love

Shoutout to the wonderful @smolandangry001! I hope the real life lip is okay XD

Fandom: Detroit become human | Ship: Reed900 (Warnings: Blood (but just a drop or so, nothing serious))

Having remarkably acute auditory sensors had its perks and drawbacks. He could hear everything spoken in the precinct, he could hear their clothes rustling, their pens clicking, he could even hear the TV from the lobby loud and clear and that was beyond the

reception desk

. Needless to say, that post-deviancy he immediately rewrote his programming so he could filter out what was unnecessary. Specifically, that meant he would still hear everything, his programming would save it all, but only let through specific parameters for him to hear consciously. The persons he considered friends for example were constantly audible, as well as everyone who talked about him or them together with who he concentrated on. It was still a lot, but manageable and he wouldn’t have an overload again because of it.

There was still a lot of objectively unimportant information, but sometimes Nines enjoyed hearing Connor talking about his day or what music Tina liked to listen to. Recently most of their talks circled around recently passed Christmas and New Year’s eve what was just around the corner. Gavin kept more quiet than normal, Tina and Connor made up for it. Nines hadn’t thought much about Christmas. It was a human holiday dedicated to spent time with the family. Androids had no family, except for when they had chosen one. Connor would spend his with Hank, Tina with her girlfriend and sisters, Gavin hadn’t told anything about it and Nines knew better than to pry. He knew that the human’s family was dangerous territory. Nines spent it at work, although he had left his friends little courtesy presents.

Apparently, that had been the wrong thing to do. Nobody had said anything at first until Tina had pulled him into a secluded corner the first time they were alone. He had to listen to her scolding him for his behaviour, only getting gentler with him as it became obvious, he had misunderstood something. Her words had been stuck in his head ever since: ‘You love him, right? Then you have to take action. If you just wait for him to make a move, you will wait forever. I know you are scared, I completely understand you, but you can’t fuck this up, no matter what you do. He likes you a lot.’

She was right, of course, she always was. But it was easier said than done. He had missed his chance to be there for Gavin and had to wait for the next. So, he just got back to work, eagerly trying to solve their next case. Crime didn’t sleep just because the year was ending. That was until his sensors picked up something interesting again. Tina was talking to Chris about marriage, as he found out listening to his recordings again. ‘Oh, you have to invite me to your wedding! I’ll invite you too!’ ‘Oh, Tina you know my wife loves your cake, you have to come! But as you mentioned it, when will be yours?’ ‘Ah, it’s only a matter of time’, Tina grinned. ‘I’ll kiss her when the clock strikes midnight! This way we’ll be together for all the years that’ll come!’ ‘Oh, you goddamn romantics’, Chris laughed. ‘I wish you two best of luck.’

The case was forgotten immediately. There was no way this was some sort of biological thing, but when Tina said it, he could trust her. Maybe it was some traditional ritual. But this could be his chance to make up for Christmas. Yes, this would work.

The days passed and Nines anxiously looked up their work schedules. Gavin hadn’t taken vacation for New Year’s eve and that fact didn’t change as the time went on. The android was growing more confident he would finally get his chance to show Gavin his feelings and at the same time grew more insecure about what Tina had said. He had never kissed before, and the Tracy software was incompatible. It would be horrible, but most internet guides just told him that being inexperienced wasn’t something to be feared and that it would come to one naturally when it happened. Nines was afraid these guides were only applicant to humans as nothing could come “naturally” to an android. But he decided to take it as a boost in confidence, not the opposite.

Still he was nervous as time passed and the clock ticked near midnight on the 31st December. One last time he accessed his note on kissing. It involved pressing each other’s lips together, but in a way that allowed movement, there was something about biting and tongues and Nines was honestly overwhelmed. He had yet to master facial expressions, but somehow this seemed to be even more complicated.

As his counter ticked below one minute to midnight, he stood up and walked around the table to where Gavin was sitting. ‘What’s up, toaster?’, the Detective asked visibly bored. ‘I need you to stand up.’ ‘Yeah, I need you to go phck yourself.’ Anger rose up at his plans falling in on themselves and the seconds ticked down unforgivingly. It had to be exactly on midnight and that was only ten seconds away. From somewhere in the bullpen someone started a countdown as to emphasize his own even more and Nines swiftly brushed off his original plans. Instead, he turned Gavin’s chair, so the man faced him, crouched down and took his head in his hands, putting his researched theory to praxis.

He tried to do everything at once and panicked as he suddenly detected blood. Around them people cheered the new year arriving, but the noise was drowned out by Gavin’s reaction: ‘Ouch, what the phck, toaster? What the hell was that supposed to be?’ Oh no. Nines took in the human in front of him as realisation dawned, he had failed his mission. And even worse: he had been far too rough and hurt Gavin. He had taken his chance and made it far worse than it had been before.

‘I-I’m sorry’, Nines stumbled and took a few steps back, then hurrying straight to the toilets to escape the situation. His one chance and he had failed, Gavin would hate him again. All the work he had put into getting to better terms with the man was lost. How could he have been so dumb? How could he have thought this to be a good idea? How could he think a human could even- ‘Toaster? You in here?’ Nines turned around and couldn’t stop looking at the split lip hidden under a handkerchief, a wound he had caused. His face must have shown a lot, because Gavin flinched, quickly closing the door behind him and holding up his hands in defence. ‘Don’t. Nines, stop thinking for a moment. Just explain.’ ‘I- Tina said-‘ ‘It’s okay.’ ‘I wanted to kiss you. I felt bad about my misbehaviour on Christmas and the change of years is another event rich of meaning to humans.’ ‘A kiss?’ Gavin let the tissue sink to look at Nines under a new light. ‘I want to apologize for overstepping boundaries and hurting you. It was not in my intention to-‘ He was interrupted by Gavin throwing himself at him. Nines stopped his defence protocols from springing to action. He deserved this attack. Only then he realised he hadn’t needed to brace for anything as Gavin hugged him. ‘What-‘ ‘Shut up, tin-can. Never thought you felt that way, too.’ Wait. Too? ‘So you are saying you lo-‘ ‘I said shut up toaster!’

Gavin reached up and pressed his head down with a force Nines hadn’t anticipated. Again, their lips pressed together, but this time Gavin was the only one to move, to show him what he had to do.

They drew away from each other for Gavin to catch air again and Nines took the time to brush away the blood that slowly surfaced again. ‘This will need stitches.’ ‘Oh shut up, don’t ruin the moment.’ All the time Gavin stared at his lips entranced. ‘You don’t know how many times I dreamt of this’, he whispered then and they kissed again, long and deep.

It seemed some things could indeed come natural to an android.

[monkeydluffy19920]

“You’ve been scared of love and what it did to you You don’t have to run, I know what you’ve been through Just a simple touch and it can set you free “

- The Weeknd feat. Daft Punk - I feel it coming

Sannami week 2019 day 2: passion

So, this year’s event organized by @sannamiweek has started yesterday and I’m so glad to see that people are still active on the fandom with all their amazing fanmade stuff and analyzes so guys, give yourself a big big hands up! \o/

So why decided to take this particular song under the lens today for the prompt? Well sometimes, just like all shippers do, the possible scenarios for otps pop into the head, for example if they became a couple (canon or non canon), how would they end up together, how would their relationship look like and what would be their love lifes be like (oi, oi! I know you guys do it too *smirk emoji*) and I think the first verse reminded my thoughts so decided to do some song analyze-ish thing today :)

“You've been scared of love and what it did to you”

Just like all of the Straw Hats, both Sanji and Nami have faced traumas in their past, Sanji was neglected and bullied by his own family because he was different and because Nami was poor she had to witness a murder of her mother Bell-Mere and got herself tangled in a dangerous and ambitious deal (to gather a big amount of money to save her whole village) and although Arlong offered her a roof above her head, there is no way she wasn’t picked up by fishmen, I mean they despised human.

I pondered in the Reasons to love Mugiwaras - Sanji -post  that what if there is a real meaning behind this “ero kappa gag” Oda uses as a comical relief (that he swoons over all the ladies)? Like what if Sanji really just wants someone beside him who could really love him? (like his mother did, unconditionally?) It would be very interesting to see if someone pure hearted confessed him her feelings because this would be unexpected both for Sanji and the readers. I don’t know but somehow in my headcanons Sanji would be lost of words, trying to play it cool but then getting genuine love and acceptance from someone he has been looking for years, this would  make him óut of words (in a good way though) and maybe like some fans ponder, his so called “ladies man”-side would fade away. Like he would be stll very gentleman and polite but he would be very loyal to the love of his life.

(well he lost his words for a second after he realized that Nami-san rushed to hug him *laughs*)

Then in Reasons to love Mugiwaras - Nami I pondered the influence of Arlong’s actions reflected on Nami’s personality/behavior. She had to suddenly bid a goodbye to her beloved mother after a big quarrell they had before and I think this has made Nami really cautious of her actions. Just like Sanji, she has a harden herself during the years but she is vunerable and soft from the core. Headcanon or not but maybe she is secretly afraid of losing someone important again. This would explain why she felt so extremely guilty about not being able to prevent Sanji’s sudden disappearence and why she felt so offended by actions of “the Prince of Germa”

I think both are deep inside vunerable and have been forced to build a strong wall to protect themselves. Scars of the past will always be part of them so probably it’ll take time for both of them to get confident enough about each others’ feelings and confessing them, because of the fears of rejection and loss.

Practically this could mean that if they end up together (either in canon or in headcanons), during the first months of building their deep and romantic relationship or at the latest after the so called honeymoon phase [x], there would probably be questions inside their minds  such as “am I really lovable?”, “what if I’m not enough?”, “am I doing this right?”,  “can they really love me because I’m incomplete?”  and then the other one would notice the moment of weakness or hesitation would calmy approach close to them, give comfort by a hug, then empathy by telling they understand how it feels like and then encourage the other by showing that there is nothing to worry or to be scared about because they will always stick together and no obstacles can stop. (something like in this GIF from the Revolationary Road-movie, that the other would look deep in the eyes say some beautiful words that’ll convince the other that everything will be fine. ps. spoiler: the movie is sad)

You don't have to run, I know what you've been through

This was mentioned in many posts before but I think it’s interesting detail that Sanji didn’t assume right away that Nami killed Usopp after hearing her telling that. By that time they didn’t know each other very well but Sanji’s basic instincts made him trust her even after she stole their ship and tried to shoo them away by lies.

What comes to the happenings of Zou and Totto Land arcs, I think they actually went to a similar-ish process than they did in Arlong Park, although the big difference was that Sanji first refused to get his friends involved and Nami reacted with shock and got hurt by Sanji’s action because she simply didn’t understand why Sanji would want to push them away and trying to solve all the problems by himself

We waited so eagerly that Nami would find out what Sanji has gone through in his past (just like Sanji learned her past via Nojiko, that would’ve been quite a parallel, especially if Reiju told her that) but in the end, she only learned bits of it and not directly the whole totality. However, we must remember that at the moment of reunion, they had a wedding to stop so there basically wasn’t time for that.

Their first reconcilliation (when they talked via the piece of glass) was shortish but despite the comical relief, Oda showed the readers that Nami was happy to hear about him and worried about him all the time but perhaps didn’t have pride or courage to say it directly? Well it was her way to say “I’m glad you’re ok” and later that iconic bridal carry scene/panel with their happy glance towards each other and the tear-filled reunion hug were Oda’s way to tell that that everything is now forgiven between them.

Just a simple touch and it can set you free We don't have to rush when you're alone with me

Back to the lyrics and the actual prompt, sorry for getting so carried away and making this post longer than it should be *laughs* So, when it comes to the assumptions of their romantic relationships, I think more importantly, it’ll require time for both of them to settle down. Not that they’d be running and chasing other people but more like referenced to earlier part of this post, they both have their  insecurities but once they overcome them (with each others’ help) and learn to trust each other’s unconditional love the fullest, their relationship could become balanced and full of love and passion <3

What comes to bedroom stories *another smirk emoji*, it’s really hard to say what kind of sex life they would have because we fans have different prefrences. For example, I think that  this The Weekend’s song could be describing at least those first times they go literally intimate with each other.

Maybe they first blush around and be a bit trembly and shy then later let their hormones and feelings carry them forward once they encourage each other, I don’t know because obviously Oda-sensei doesn’t hint us whether they are experienced or not or how sexually passionate they are as lovers  *laughs*

Well anyway, all in all and in general, I could personally imagine them  having a great relationship and something like very passionate yet romantic under the sheets. Maybe they are up to trying different things and places or maybe not, better leave that out for each of our dirty imaginations and fanmade stuff xD

Well, one thing is sure though, Sanji’s dream is to beat Zoro in a fight and get a victory hug from Nami-san (while it could have been anyone else) *wink emoji*

ps. Random fact: I made a short slideshow for Imany - Don't Be So Shy (Filatov & Karas Remix) for the first Sannami event’s Underwear prompt years ago but later decided never to upload it because well, the art used in was @_iga_guri_ ‘s and it wasn’t self made anyway)

[aweirdkindofyellow]

Here I Am, There You Are Pt. 11

Jack Barakat x OC ‘Rachel has been best friends with Alex, Jack, Rian, and Zack since high school. What happens when one of them gets married?’

Part 11

Jack and I had officially moved into our house. Once the painting was done and the bathrooms were completely finished, we left Jack’s apartment. It made everything so much more real. While we were still renovating, it seemed so far in the future, like it was still to come. But as Jack’s apartment became emptier and our house became more and more furnished and decorated, it turned into reality. The first night we spent at our house made it all concrete. Things changed. They changed a lot.

Even compared to living together back in Jack’s apartment, things changed significantly. It was only good changes, though. I wasn’t living in Jack’s space anymore, this was our space. We worked on it together, we decorated it together. There were no more fights about the dishwasher because we got a new one and both figured out what the best way to load it was. This was our home together. Of course, moving was stressful, and it didn’t happen without fights. We would fight about the strangest things. One day we’d be fighting about where exactly to put the couch. Three feet closer to the wall or further away? Then we’d be fighting about which plant to put where. These obviously weren’t things to really get into arguments about, but we were both just exhausted. After our first proper full night’s sleep, that all ended. The last thing we had to do was fix up our backyard. It really was just a matter of cutting all the grass, trimming the bushes, cleaning out the pool, and making the gazebo accessible. There were a few planks of wood that had come loose, it really needed painting, and we had to put some furniture in it so we could actually use it. The gazebo was literally the only thing that we actually had to do after living there for a few weeks. We had fixed it and painted the inside, all that was left was the outside now. But it was a weekend, and that meant that Jack and I slept in. Sometimes we wouldn’t even leave our bed all day, but usually I’d get up before Jack did. I was just in a routine of waking up relatively early and the imaginary concept of a weekend didn’t rewire my body. However, for the first time since we had moved into our house, Jack was actually up before me. After I took a shower and put on my clothes, I left our bedroom. I fully expected Jack to be up so early because he had a guitar riff or something in his head that he needed to record before he forgot it. However, once I popped my head into his workspace in our extra spare bedroom, I found it empty. The next best thing was to just go downstairs and see if he was there. But once I went back out to our hallway, I could already smell the sweet aroma of something cooking. I followed the trail all the way to the kitchen and found Jack hanging over the stove. There was definitely something nice of the menu for breakfast. He was wearing shorts that came to his knees and a t-shirt, but he looked so damn good. I sneaked up to him and wrapped my arms around his waist, looking over his shoulder to see him flipping a pancake. A smile crept up onto my lips and I pressed a kiss to the back of his neck. “Hmm, pancakes,” I whispered, licking my lips. “What’s the special occasion?” “No special occasion,” he shook his head and picked up the pan to slide the pancake on the pile he had started before making the next one, “just pancakes.” “Just pancakes?” I repeated, not believing him at all. There was something fishy going on. “I highly doubt that.” “What makes you so certain that it’s a special occasion?” he retorted, turning the questions on me. “Well, for starters, you got up before me and I didn’t even notice.” I hugged him tighter and pressed the side of my face into his back. “And you never make pancakes unless something’s up. Like whenever I would come over when I was still in Vancouver.” “Hmm, true.” He gave in with a nod. “But we live together now. It’s not your birthday, it’s not mine, it’s not our anniversary. I’m just making pancakes for m’lady.” “I’m no lady,” I whispered as I let my hands travel down his chest until I reached the waistband of his shorts and kissed his neck. “Ay!” He slapped my hands away. “I’m making pancakes here!” “Alright.” I ended the conversation just as I had started it, with a brief kiss to the back of his neck, and removed myself from him. If Jack was going to make pancakes for no reason other than wanting to, then the least I could do was set the table. I reached into our cupboards and pulled out two plates and two glasses. After putting them down on our wooden kitchen table, I pulled out the freshly squeezed orange juice I had made the evening before from our fridge. Yes, I was turning into one of those girls. Somebody who enjoyed making things and DIY-ing. It wasn’t because I wanted to be one of those pinterest-slash-instagram-blogger girls nor did I really have the time for it all. I just really did enjoy doing it. And Jack didn’t seem to mind trying homemade pasta or some weird cake recipe occasionally. If anything, he enjoyed it. It didn’t take much longer for Jack to finish making all the pancakes. He brought the plate with the large pile to the table along with some syrup. After sitting across from me, he gave the first pancake to himself, the next two to me, and the next one to himself. While he poured some syrup on his and started digging in, I just looked down at mine and back up at him. “What?” He asked with his mouth full. “What did you do to them?” I squinted at him and inspected the pancakes from afar again. He frowned back at me and swallowed what was in his mouth. “Nothing…?” “Are you sure?” “Yeah! What would I have done to them?” I still was too skeptical to pick up my fork and knife and touch them. “I don’t know. For all I know, you jacked off in them so I’d eat your cum.” “Why would I do that?” he snorted and continued to eat. “I don’t need to, you already swallow.” I glared at him. If he hadn’t gone out of his way to actually make these pancakes, I would have gotten mad. He thought it was funny, but was it really necessary? I was still allowed to get a little pissed off, though. So, I crossed my arms and continued to refuse to touch the food. “Oh, come on. Look,” he reached over, cut off a big chunk of one of my pancakes and stuffed it in his mouth, “it’s all safe.” I continued to stare at him, but when he didn’t even flinch, I gave in. I poured some syrup on then and started eating, keeping a close eye on Jack’s reaction. You know, just to be safe. “Damn, do you really not trust me?” He shook his head, noticing how careful I was being. “I’ve been friends with you for too long, Jack. I know to watch my back,” I responded. “And we’ve been dating for three years. Have I ever done something like that in that time?” I wanted to give him examples, but I could only think of things that happened before 2016, before we got together. He actually did stop playing stupid jokes ever sinace then. “Then why did you hand out the pancakes so weirdly!” “Because I was greedy and gave myself one first, decided it was rude, gave you some next before giving myself another.” He shrugged. “God, you’re weird,” I scoffed and knocked his leg with one of my feet, “and to think I want to spend the rest of my life with you.” He grinned at me. “I love you.” “I love you too.” I rolled my eyes. After we finished our pancakes, Jack and I were in the kitchen cleaning everything up. That basically meant putting everything in the dishwasher and putting the syrup back into the fridge. Jack was once again doing most of the work, but only because he started. “Hey,” he tried to get my attention as he tried fitting the pan into the dishwasher. When I gave it to him, he continued, “why don’t you go get your nails done today?” I frowned and looked down at my hands. My nails were a mixture of short, broken and chipped. Usually, I liked to keep them up, have them taken care of. But that all went to shit when we were renovating and moving. “I dunno.” I shrugged although thinking my hands hadn’t looked this bad in a while. “They’re practically ruined. I’m not sure if it will be worth it.” “Don’t you want to make them look good again?” he wondered as he closed the dishwasher and took my hand to take a look himself. “I’ll pay for it.” I slowly took my hand out of his. “Why are you being so nice today?” He raised his shoulders. “Just cause I want to. Also, we’re finally done moving, so you should treat yourself. Or, actually, I’m treating you.” “It’s like you’re trying to get me to warm up to you. Like you used to do with your mom when you wanted to have a sleepover.” “Hey, I’m just offering.” He raised his hands up in defense. I checked out my nails again. Who was I if I didn’t take this opportunity? Jack was literally offering to pay for me to go out and get my nails done. “Okay, I will.” “Good.” He smiled and hooked one hand around my waist before leaning forward and kissing me. “What colour should I go for?” I asked him despite knowing I probably wouldn’t follow his advice once I was at the place anyway. I rarely did. He’d tell me to go blue when I’d be wearing pink to an event. “Something neutral,” he suggested, “maybe white.” “No, not white,” I rejected the latter. “That’ll be like wedding nails.” “If you say so.” I did exactly as I said and did not go for white. That was something I was keeping for when I was going to get married. Last time I checked, I wasn’t getting married anytime soon. Sure, if I had been single, I wouldn’t have cared. I would have rocked that white. But, now I wanted to keep it for something special. I did listen to Jack for the neutral idea, though. He was pretty spot on with that one, ignoring how vague it actually was. There were so many options and I was nearly tempted to just say ‘fuck it’ and go crazy like a neon orange or a bright green. But, Jack was probably right to go for something more calm. I could always decide to go crazy a few weeks later. So, I just went with an ombre of pink to white at the tips in a coffin shape. It really did look so much better than my natural nails. Jack just had to make sure he didn’t expect me to help finish the gazebo, or else they were probably going to break off as well. Once I came back home, I obviously wanted to show Jack what I had gotten with his credit card. The first thing I did was call out his name and tell him that I was home, but I didn’t get a response. I called it out again, thinking maybe he hadn’t heard me, but I still didn’t even get an acknowledgement. So, I took a little snoop around the house, not bothering to check the garden. It almost seemed abandoned. When I also couldn’t find Olive around, I just assumed that Jack must have been out taking her for a walk. So, I just flopped onto the couch and turned on the TV to see if anything interesting was on. Unfortunately, it just left me looking lazy while doing some channel surfing. I was sure that Olive couldn’t have waited any longer for her walk, but I would have much rather been out with them. And then something unexpected happened. Olive came bolting through the door to our second living room, coming right up to me. I gave her a few good head scratches and my mind immediately went to Jack also being around somewhere. So, I called out for him again with yet again no answer. However, that’s when I noticed Olive had something attached to her collar. I was confused. It was some yellow-toned capsule. Because I knew it wasn’t meant to be there, I clipped it off and opened it. Inside was a rolled up piece of paper, not much bigger than the size of half a notebook page ripped in half. Jack’s handwriting was scribbled on it. All it said was: Hey! Come out. I want to show you something! I held onto the note and turned off the TV before shuffling past Olive, who decided to follow me anyway. This instruction was almost just as vague as the nail colour he chose. I was fully assuming he meant the backyard, so I made my way there. After opening the door, I saw Jack standing in the gazebo already expecting me. What was once green from moss and had been sanded down, was now all painted in with a nice white coat, exactly like we had done with the inside earlier. “You finished it!” I exclaimed in glee as I approached him. The way he announced it was a little extra, but I was happy. “We’re officially done with our house now!” Jack cheered and pressed a deep yet short kiss to my lips before taking a step to the side and showing off the pillows and blankets he put down on the floor. “What better way to celebrate than a picnic in our own backyard?” “You already made pancakes this morning, and now this. Are you sure it’s not my birthday?” I teased and decided I wasn’t satisfied with the brief kiss we shared. To keep the contact longer, I circled my arms around his neck and shuffled closer to him. “It’s not November for another few months.” He wiggled his eyebrows and leaned in for another kiss while I could hear Olive barking and zooming around the entire garden in the background. “Then what did I do to deserve all this?” I mumbled against his lips. “A lot of things,” he breathed back and let his hand creep up my back underneath my shirt. I decided to challenge him. “Like?” “For not thinking I was a weird eleven-year-old when I was moved to sit next to you after disrupting the class too often,” he whispered and pecked me. “For dealing with me throughout high school and not letting my stupid crushes get in the way of our friendship.” He brushed his lips against mine again. “For being my best friend throughout all that time and staying with me after.” Another kiss. “For making me realise how shitty it was to deny my feelings and not giving up on me.” Another one. “For not letting my past ruin us.” And again. “For giving me another chance after I fucked up.” One last kiss. “For loving me and letting me love you.” Nope. There was another kiss. Only, this one was much longer and deeper. He pushed into me, using the hand on my back to keep us steady. I pulled him closer as well. I was so lucky. Never did I ever believe that I would be kissing and dating the boy in middle school who annoyed the living shit out of me. And I certainly did think I’d end up with the boy in high school who was such a big dork and would drag me to concerts super early. But now I wouldn’t have had it any other way. Jack pulled away before I wanted him to. I didn’t want this moment to ever end. He parted from me and got down. But he wasn’t getting down to sit and eat the food he had in a basket. No, he was doing something very different. He was getting down on one knee. My eyes widened and my heart started racing as he reached into his back pocket and pulled out a small black box. He cautiously opened it to reveal a diamond ring glistening in the light. “Rach,” he started, looking up at me, his fingers trembling lightly, “I know things are moving pretty quickly right now–” “Yes!” I practically squealed, slapping both of my hands to my cheeks in eagerness and anticipation. He chuckled softly, the trembling calming down. “Let me finish.” I nodded, urging him to continue. “Will you m–” “Yes!” I interrupted again. “Rach!” “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” I rambled, moving my hands about, “continue.” He took in a deep breath and gave me a warning look not to interrupt again. “Rachel, will you marry me?” I nodded in excitement, holding out my arms so he’d stand back up. Before he got the chance to take the ring out of the box, I enveloped him into a hug. I dug my face into the crook of his neck, just wanting to take a second and bask in the moment so I would never forget it. “You can say yes now,” he murmured into my ear. I broke away from him and wiped away some tears that had managed to fall from my eyes onto my cheeks. I could barely manage to make the word come out for a third time. “Yes.” Jack couldn’t stop smiling as he carefully took the ring out of its cushioned box. He held my left hand and gingerly slipped the ring onto my ring finger. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Jack could have gotten anything, and I would have been in love with it. But, damn, did that boy have a good taste. The band was thin, tiny diamonds all around it, leaving the rose gold to weave through them. On top was one large oval diamond that wouldn’t stop sparkling. As soon as the ring was at the base of my finger, my arms were around Jack’s neck again and my lips were pressed against his in a very hungry kiss. I jumped up and wrapped my legs around his waist, his hands immediately went to my butt to keep me up. Everything was so surreal. Just earlier, I was skeptical about Jack’s pancakes, and now we were engaged. I didn’t want to paint my nails white because I wanted to wait until I got married, and now I was going to get married in the future. We did end up actually eating the food Jack had brought outside. It took awhile for us to let go of each other, but eventually we did. We couldn’t stay and kiss each other forever, as much as I would have liked to. I was just eating some of the grapes, still subconsciously smiling all the time, when I noticed that Jack was taking a picture of me. “Hey!” I gasped in accusation. “What?” he laughed back in defense. “I’ve gotta announce it in some way.” “At least take a good picture!” “It’s not a bad one.” He turned his phone to show me what he had taken. He was right, but that was only because I wasn’t in the middle of eating. I was just smiling and you could see the ring because of the grapes I was holding. “But if we’re going to take a proper photo, then it’s going to have both of us in it. I want to broadcast it to everybody. Except for the guys, I already sent this photo to them.” I dropped my mouth open before grabbing my phone as well. Without giving him time to think, I raised my left hand and snapped a photo of it with him in the background. That went straight to my family and Sascha along with a caption saying ‘guess what’. “Now we’re even.” I stuck my tongue out at him. He shook his head at me, not caring as much that I had obviously just sent it to people. “Just get your butt over here so we have a photo to frame forever.” The perfect photo didn’t happen immediately. There were a few tries. It was pretty difficult to get the optimal position. We had taken many selfies together before, but this was just a little different. For some reason, actually getting the ring in the shot was the most difficult part. However, eventually, we settled on a picture where I was on Jack’s lap and kissing his cheek. My one arm was around his neck, both my hands resting on his shoulder, the ring in full view. While Jack was busy posting it on social media, his arms around me so he could type, my phone started ringing. I leaned over to grab it from where I was sitting and tried my best not to have to leave Jack’s lap. Not that he would let me leave. I could barely reach it to see that it was Ethan FaceTime calling me. When I finally got to answer it, Ethan immediately greeted me. “Hey!” “Hey, what’s up?” I replied as Jack locked his phone and put his chin on my shoulder to see who I was talking to. Only the bottom of his face was visible in the frame, so my moved my phone away a little so Ethan knew Jack was here as well. “Umm, what do you think is up?’’ Ethan mocked. “I just saw your message. I’m calling to say congrats!” I giggled and Jack nuzzled his nose into my hair. “Thanks.” “I’m excited!” He grinned back. “When Jack told me he was going to propose, I had to do everything in me to not tell you. It was so difficult.” I turned my head to look up at Jack. “You told him?” “Yeah.” Jack nodded like it was a given and started listing and counting with his fingers. “I asked your dad for permission, I asked your mom for permission, and of course I checked with Ethan as well.” I didn’t think that I could love Jack any more, but just the fact that he thought to include Ethan made me love him so much more. It was so adorable and heartwarming. I couldn’t help but smile at him and kiss him. “Please, not in front of me,” Ethan groaned. “You’re the one that called after we got engaged,” I teased back. If there hadn’t been food around, I would have let Jack fuck me right on this gazebo. Ethan could have called right in the middle of that, ignoring the fact that I wouldn’t have announced it to my family yet then. “I know, I know,” he brushed it off. “But I’m still maid of honour, right?” “You don’t want to be one of my groomsmen?” Jack asked, acting like he was personally hurt. “As honoured as I would be,” Ethan apologised, putting his empty hand to his heart, “maid of honour sounds just a bit cooler.” “Damn it,” Jack whispered underneath his breath, “it does, doesn’t it?” “It does,” I confirmed with a nod. “He’s my boy.” “I will keep the title maid of honour, I don’t want any of that man of honour bullshit,” Ethan made very clear. I chuckled in response. I loved that kid with all my heart. He was nineteen now, which was just absolutely insane and unreal. To me, he was always going to be my baby brother. But now, he had graduated high school as well. He was just a few weeks away from starting college. Back when Jack and I first started dating, he was still an inexperienced high school kid. He was almost an adult now and he even had his own girlfriend. I could still remember the day he called me in a panic asking me ‘how the fuck sex worked’ after his girlfriend expressed that she was willing for them to lose their virginities to each other. It was so adorable to me. He was super lucky, because Jack was visiting me at the time. He got both advice from me and Jack. Jack gave him some technique tips, while I was asked more about what his girlfriend would like. I loved how concerned he was about her and not just about his own pleasure. He was a good kid, and I could only thank my parents for how amazing they were at raising us. “Okay, before you hang up on me,” Ethan quickly added when he noticed the conversation was starting to die down, “let me go find mom so she doesn’t call you later as well.” He didn’t even wait for us to reply before he was bolting down the stairs calling out ‘mom’ loudly over and over again. Although he was almost an adult, he did sometimes still really act like a kid, but we all did that. I could whine like I was a teenager going through a phase to my mom for hours as well. It wasn’t as frequent, but it did happen. “Mom, I’ve got Rachel on the phone,” he said off camera although his phone was still pointed towards his face. “Okay, that's nice,” was all my mom said in the background. Ethan didn’t like the answer and forced his phone in front of her. She was wearing her reading glasses and I could tell she was working on her laptop because of the glare on them. Her eyes showed the annoyance brewing inside. I was fully prepared for her to shout. She didn’t shout just yet, though. But she did sigh loudly. “Ethan, I’m working.” “Didn’t you check your phone?!” he was quick to defend himself. “I’m not constantly glued to that thing like you are,” she scoffed. I had to hide my face in Jack’s neck to hold back the laughter. She had no idea what was going on. She hadn’t checked her phone and seen my message yet. In her mind, Ethan was just trying to disrupt and annoy her. Little did she know he was just trying to make things easier. He tried to reason with her. “But Rachel–” “What about her?” My mom turned to finally look at the screen. She looked like she was going to tell me exactly what she had told Ethan, just in a much nicer way. That she was busy and that she’d talk later. Usually, I’d respect that. This time, I slowly raised my left hand up to show the ring that was now nestled on my finger. Her eyes widened significantly and her mood changed completely. “Oh! Oh my god!” “Thank you,” Ethan grumbled from the side of the screen. “When did this happen?!” My mom continued to gush. “Like half an hour ago,” I laughed. If my mom said ‘oh my god’, you knew she was in shock. She would never use that phrase otherwise. Her mouth was literally agape. “How did it happen?” “Well, I had a plan,” Jack scratched the back of his head, “but it immediately went wrong. But then it went better than expected. All credits go to Rachel, really, she just made the transition so smooth for me.” “That’s why you made pancakes this morning!” I gasped and sat up straighter. He totally had been trying to butter me up. “And the nails! You planned all of it!” “Of course, I did.” Jack shook his head softly at my ignorance. “I know pancakes make your day, I know you’re a sucker for a good picture, and I know you love our new backyard.” “I can’t believe both of my daughters are going to be married now!” I mom smiled at us, her shock now turned into content. “I’m getting old.” “I’m still a teenager.” Ethan shrugged. “That doesn’t make me any younger…” She breathed out. “Anyway, I’m going to let you guys enjoy this moment, okay? I’ll make sure dad calls you later tonight.” “Okay,” I nodded, “I love you.” “I love you, bye,” she signed off before ending the call. I immediately shifted in Jack’s lap so I could face his better without having to crane my neck as far. While I put down my phone again, I grinned sheepishly. “You’re going to have to tell me your original plan now.” “Nope!” He shook his head and sealed his lips. “What?! Come on!” I tried batting my eyelashes to sway him. “No,” he refused, leaning back onto his hands. “The way it happened was perfect and I wouldn’t want it any other way.” As much as I would have wanted to know, he was right. The way he proposed was just perfect. I couldn’t imagine it going differently. I loved how it wasn’t overly planned, how it just happened so naturally. I loved how he brought our entire history up. I loved that it was so unexpected and personal. And, of course, I loved Jack. I put my hand on his cheek and kissed him deeply. Jack, while still leaning backwards, returned it with the same amount of pressure. My hand slipped to his hair on the back of his head behind his ear and I shuffled around to straddle him. He sat up to make it more comfortable and easy while he put his hands on my waist to pull me closer. There was just one thing we hadn’t done yet, and it was on both of our minds. His hands started traveling up my shirt when I realised something. I had been called by Ethan, but Jack’s phone had been awfully quiet. Strangely quiet. His instagram was probably blowing up, but he didn’t have those notifications on. Where were the other notifications? I pulled away from him, causing him to lean forward to try and make sure it wouldn’t stop. “Hang on, did you tell your family?” He looked annoyed and clouded with lust. There was this attitude like he was about to say ‘of course’ and get a little pissed off at me. But then his brow furrowed and he pursed his lips. “Oh… shit.” I raised my eyebrows to say ‘I told you so’ without actually saying the words. He gave me a little apologetic grin and reluctantly took his hands off me to take hold of his phone instead. I could already see that there were in fact notifications on his lock screen and they were definitely from the group chat he had with his brother and sister. I tried my best to read it all upside down and saw his sister freaking out just a little. She was mainly causing a fuss because she found out through his Instagram post instead of actually hearing something from him. Jack immediately sent an apology and an excuse. He even almost blamed it on me but noticed me reading along and deleted that sentence before it was even completed. Eventually, he just settled on being caught up in the moment, which was probably true. I couldn’t imagine him not wanting to tell his family. After a few messages, he put his phone back on the floor and returned his hands to my hips. “I’ll call my parents later. Let’s enjoy it ourselves first.” “Okay,” I agreed without a second thought and resumed the kiss I had interrupted before. This time, Jack was the one to break away. “Eager much?” “Like I’m the only one,” I whispered back against his lips and gingerly, yet not so subtly, put my hand on his crotch. He stared back at me and breathed out. “Fair enough.” As he restarted the kiss yet again, digging his fingertips into the back of my hips so I’d shuffle up closer to him. Once I was in the right position, he slowly started leaning back until his back hit the pillows he had put down. Everything was slow yet so passionate. I didn’t want to ever forget this day.

[ryewi]

Midnight Memories - kth

Summary: Drinks, a stolen shopping cart, spray cans and the good old “if we get caught, I’m deaf and you don’t speak English” saying - honestly what have you gotten yourself into with a goof named Kim Taehyung this time?

Genre: fluff, crack (or atleast an attempt), friends to lovers

Words: 2,9k

Warnings: language

Early AN: I don’t know I wanted to do with this summary so please continue reading, the fic isn’t that lame,,, 

You were immensely thankful for Taehyung.

It’s a rarity for someone to meet their perfect person so early in life. Usually, people wait past their teenage years to settle down for someone, often scared that judging too soon will only lead to disappointment and trouble. Frequently, their predictions and beliefs were right, yet, just like in every other scenario, there are exceptions. Somehow, that exception just so happened to be you.

When you met, just a year ago through a mutual friend Ollie, Taehyung and you seemed to click from the first second. It’s as if the heavens above were sick of always seeing you with wrong people, deciding to send their most precious angel to finally show you real friendship.

The first encounter was always a slightly funny event to reminisce about, especially because of Ollie’s disappointed (but not surprised) face. About two minutes into his narration of hot news, he realized that the two of you appeared to have forgotten about him, already lost in your own world. Often, he’d vocalize how “he knew you would hit it off”, slight dissatisfaction and pique evident in his voice.

Even now, as you watched the sunset, leaning on a stolen shopping cart, all you could think about was the man currently sitting inside of it. The silver haired boy was humming an unknown, probably made-up melody, fingers tapping gently on the metal around him. Taehyung was someone who made you find happiness, smile, someone who tried to understand even if he couldn’t relate, a boy who taught you how to enjoy life.

You held Taehyung dear to heart, but those feelings never really escalated into something more, both parties way too comfortable with how things already were. It would be that easy to put a label to whatever was going on, but really, what would change? Sudden back hugs, ticklish neck kisses, good morning/goodnight texts, hand holding and way too frequent dates surely wouldn’t.

You were sure that Taehyung and you were in a rather unofficial relationship, but really, neither of you had the problem with it.

“Well that was...good, how about we uh, switch?” Taehyung said, his words were slurred and all over the place, consumed bottle of convenience store vodka finally affecting him “I have the goodest idea ever, involving contents inside of this bag” he pointed towards his crotch, where a zipped, black schoolbag rested peacefully. Without any apparent reason, Taehyung laughed, before he mumbled something incoherent, eyes still focused on his middle ground. Although the bottle of alcohol wasn’t even a liter, neither of you were sober. You were in a slightly better situation, while Taehyung was gone, low alcohol tolerance finally biting him in the ass.

Humming in acceptance, you watched him stand up inside of the metal vehicle, legs wobbly and balance nonexistent. Eventually, after refusing help around seven times, Taehyung managed to climb out, chucking the bottle away, instant sound of shattering glass filling the small space around you. Five minutes later, you were comfortably (well, as comfortable as possible) seated inside and with legs lifted up on the front, ordered Taehyung to drive you around.

Thankful for Taehyung and his unusual date ideas.

•·.·´`·.·•·.·´`·.·•·.·´`·.·•·.·´`·.·•·.·´`·.·•·.·´`·.·•·.·´`·.·•·.·´`·.·•·.·´`·.·•·.·

This was such a foolish and delusional idea. Yet you went along with it.

“Remind me why am I drawing a five-inch cock inside of this poor man’s mouth?” You laughed, short and repetitive puffs of air leaving your parted lips. You’ve seen this face a thousand times, but thanks to your intoxicated state, his name just couldn’t jump from the tip of your tongue.  

Taehyung was on a task of his own, hood covering nearly his whole head, while the fully black attire made him nearly invisible in such a dimly lit street. If it wasn’t for a few stray silver strands of hair escaping from underneath the thick hood, you wouldn’t be sure if the person next to you even was Taehyung.  

“Interesting and quick measurement, but the example is pitiful” He joked, gravely deep voice echoing throughout the small space, somehow coming off even deeper in such a quiet place. It took a moment for you to process his answer, before it hit you.

“Well maybe if your example was on here too, you wouldn’t pity this one at all” You could swear that you heard Taehyung’s neck snap from how fast he turned around, mouth agape and eyes wide open. Check mate.

“Bet?” Taehyung replied, his previously shocked expression now exchanged for a cockier and flirtier one. He stopped spraying his piece with an obnoxious, neon yellow color and took the chance of your own bewilderment to approach you quick. Soon enough, his face was mere inches away from yours, the same confident smirk, still playing on his beautiful lips.

“Sorry I only accept bets which I can gain something from” To this reply, Taehyung had to step back and examine your face, that was becoming redder with each passing second, although not quite from embarrassment, “and I can’t guarantee that I’ll gain anything from yours”. His expression was a mix of forty different emotions, creating a huge dumbfounded mess on his face. Gosh, this is why he loved you so much.

A pair of lights approaching from behind a corner, caught you off guard, causing panic to show up on your face quick, cutting short Taehyung’s incoming comeback. Unfortunately, you weren’t quick to retreat, as two strong men carrying flashlights and long black batons, took notice of your problematic prescience.

“There they are” You heard one of them say to the other, their pace becoming faster and steps extending in length. Taehyung’s hand was immediately in yours and he seemed to get the memo, heading straight towards a nearby bush where the two of you hid the shopping cart.  

In any other circumstance, you would’ve faced these two men, asked for a reason of their interrogation and tried to negotiate if there was a problem, but tonight, not so much. Drunk, smelling of alcohol with tons of spray cans around you, drawing a dick inside the mouth of Ms. Barrera son (Gilbert was his forsaken name, you remembered), really, could you negotiate?  

“I’ll drive, I’m stronger” Taehyung’s deep voice, now clearer than before, suddenly filled your ears. It sent some kind of warmth throughout your body, coaxed you to stop running and enjoy his beautiful words, focus completely on them. Alas, there was no time for that, as Taehyung offered you help with jumping in, all while watching behind at policemen that were appearing closer and closer, their steps echoing through the street. Once you were safely (but uncomfortably) positioned inside of the metal cage, Taehyung pushed the cart with much force, sending the two of you away. Unfortunately, because of the weight of two humans, that the vehicle wasn’t produced to bear, your speed was limited.

Especially when you made it out into a more crowded area.

You managed to maneuver around, driving in the most ridiculous conveyance ever, occasionally watching over your backs to check if you were safe yet. The whole situation was incredibly funny: two drunk kids, having the time of their lives in a shopping cart, driving away from cops. You would be disappointed if the whole chase wasn’t live airing on TV, may haps on Friday Failures or Live Reviews Friday on channel 7.

“Remember, if we get caught, I’m deaf and you speak German” Taehyung spoke up, leaning down to whisper-shout these words in your ear, once again surprising you. Turning around after processing the words, you gave him the most staggering look. If you get caught? Why’s that even a possibility? Why’s he the deaf one?!

“Hey don’t look at me like that, you know I’m not good with langua-”

“TAEHYUNG STO-” You screamed, flailing your arms around, as if it’ll help the sudden impact against a thick, but small concreate wall. Thankfully, your legs were tucked in, therefore the collision didn’t deform them – while saying the same for the frontal metal bars wasn’t possible.

Taehyung was in the process of helping you out, when he felt a huge hand on his shoulder. Squinting his eyes and pursuing his lips into a thin line, Taehyung turned around, facing just who he expected to be behind him. You managed to climb out alone, joining your friend at what felt like awaiting of a death sentence. Their eyes pierced through yours, sudden meeting with authority making you feel rather uncomfortable.  

Taehyung’s hand found yours and he squeezed it, letting you know that everything will be okay. In the end how bad could things be?

“Do the two of you have any excuses for your behavior?” One of them said, voice strong and deep, hands in pockets, while the other seemed to be writing something on a small notepad. His pencil apparently wasn’t working and his intense scribbling on the paper and infuriated face made you giggle. Taehyung squeezed your hand once again, urging you to stay serious.

Upon not receiving an answer, the man raised his eyebrows, hoping that’ll urge you to answer. Raising your eyebrows back you held your hands out, in a confused manner and shrugged back. He repeated the action, this time making sure to stare right at you, but you only copied his action. It was Taehyung’s time to giggle, the awkward eyebrow raising that carried on for half a minute was way too hilarious.

“So, you don’t? May I have your documents?” Truthfully, if you weren’t this ready to jump into a fake persona and act this encounter out, you’d probably be shaking with anxiety at a cop asking for your documents. Deciding to let one more awkward silence fill the space, you once again focused on the other poor man, that was still struggling with his ballpoint pen. It took your everything to not walk over and offer him one of your own – yet then remembered that you had none at yourself, so truly, it just wasn’t this man’s day.

“Entschuldigung, ich spreche kein English, sprichst du Deutsch?” Asking, you watched as policeman’s face twisted in confusion, obviously taken aback by your way, or more so language. He was too old for this and he silently begged for you to spare him.

“We had a call, asking for assistance with deliquents that keep spreading malicious art obviously aimed at a certain person, which also wouldn’t be the first time you’ve done so” The older said, massaging his forehead as to emphasize his irritation with your way of acting. He sighed, turning around to face the other man behind, whispering something, but not loud enough for it to reach your ears. Your heart picked up pace, now beating faster than before, sudden anxiety overtaking your body once again. When they turned around, you took a chance to slide in a few more convincing words, hoping that they’ll work or gain you a point in this encounter.

“Ich spreche kein English und er ist taub” Trying again, you wanted to bribe out any kind of answer from the man before you, any kind of confirmation that your plan is working. “No English”, you pointed at yourself, then proceeded to point at the boy on your right, pointing at his ears and flailing your arms around in a dismissal movement “No ear”.

Taehyung nearly spat at the man’s face at your trial of broken translation.

“According to Ms. Barrera-”  

“Oh for fucks sake, that wrinkly dirtbag, when will she learn not to mess with the younger generation?” Taehyung spoke up, taking a step forwards and seemingly protecting you from any possible harm these men could cause. “Well at least she has seen our nice message?” His sudden vocalization of thoughts, caught you off guard, your shocked eyes meeting his in a moment.  

“You’re supposed to be deaf!” You exclaimed with a cold and scolding tone. It took Taehyung a few quick moments to realize what his fault actually was, but when he did, he facepalmed himself hard enough for the sound to echo in a radius of 5 meters.

“Dude here I am pretending to be German for your ass to just not play your part, damn what a friend”  

Two men watched the drama unfold before their eyes with amused looks on their faces, silently thanking whatever force made them extend their working hours tonight. They were going to let you go, they knew that from the start, but they also knew that interacting with two drunk adults, this late at night, would be a shame not to experience.

“Just cuff, fine us or whatever, we’re guilty” Finishing your words, you extended your arms, wrists held tight against each other, already facing the cruel future. Taehyung looked at you with the most disappointed look ever, mouth hanging wide open “You’re giving in this easy?!”. “The fuck do you want me to do? Act as if I’m Persian? Might as well make a bigger fool of myself, you’re right”. Glaring at him and not sparing any more attention to the noisy child, you proceeded to await the answer from those before you.

“You’re free to go” The one that was quiet until now (or, the one who had trouble with his pen), spoke up for the first time, smile evident on his previously angry face. These words took you a few moments to process, arms slowly falling to your sides, confusion washing over your facial expressions.

“This was great entertainment, we technically shouldn’t let you go, so you might as well leave before we change our minds” With caution, Taehyung distanced himself away, taking hold of the deformed shopping cart and driving it towards you. He was about to invite you in, when one of the cops spoke up.

“What are you going to do with it?”

“The shopping cart?” Taehyung asked, tone calm and composed. Alcohol was still flowing through his blood, making him act bold, when in reality (or more so, when not drunk), Taehyung would’ve probably stuttered at such a situation. “Probably return it?”

“You guys stole it?!”  

“Oh, would you look at that, it’s time-to-leave o’clock!” He declared, looking at his imaginary wrist watch and helping you climb inside quick. You managed to nearly sober up, so it didn’t take long for you to get in, while Taehyung still sometimes lost his balance. Everything happened way too quick, and he was pushing the two of you away in a matter of seconds, bidding an awkward goodbye to the two men smiling back.

•·.·´`·.·•·.·´`·.·•·.·´`·.·•·.·´`·.·•·.·´`·.·•·.·´`·.·•·.·´`·.·•·.·´`·.·•

It was quiet, Taehyung and you were sitting at the same place where you watched the sunset, your trusty vehicle parked behind the bench, remains of a broken glass bottle still scattered around the pavement. Ride here was rather quiet, both thinking over everything that happened tonight, disbelief striking with every thought. Taehyung was occasionally looking at you, silently calling out for your attention, but your troubled thoughts stopped you from giving him what he wanted. Now fully sobered up, sleepy and with a burning headache, you realized what kind of fool you made yourself look like. Damn the two of you could’ve gotten arrested.

Taehyung began poking at your arm, and after a minute of the annoying act, you finally averted your gaze at him, meeting eyes with a happy, but tired looking boy. His gaze lured you in, hooded eyes and silver strands of hair covering majority of his face, the sight alone stealing your breath. Taehyung opened his arms, inviting you in for a tight and warm hug, only to pull you over his lap once you gave in.  

It was around three in the morning, and even though you wished to be in your bed just a few minutes ago, Taehyung’s chest showed to be a much better option. His arms managed to envelop your whole body, one of his hands securely resting on the top of your head that was leaning against his collarbone. This wasn’t anything new, your Friday movie nights would usually end up in these positions, but the hard and loud thumps of his heart that filled your ears were usually never there. Imitating his, your heart began beating faster too, trying to sync in, and you were sure Taehyung could feel it.  

Slowly, his hands were gripping your shoulders, distancing you from him, but not moving you away from his lap. He held you up for a few moments, before letting go.

Taehyung pointed with his right hand to himself a few times, making sure your attention was on his hands. He made an X with both arms over his heart and then pointed at you, awaiting your reaction. You laughed, noticing his usage of sign language, but just a moment later, your face turned serious. Taehyung repeated his action, thinking that you didn’t quite understand, or process, but oh you did.

Because if there was one thing you learned how to say in sign language,  

That was I love you.

Upon not receiving an answer, Taehyung’s facial expressions hardened and changed into a disappointed one, eyes now falling down and focusing onto his fumbling hands. You were quick to react, hand positioned under his chin, lifting his head up and smiling.

“Ich liebe dich auch”

AN: Hello, I am, in fact, not dead! I haven’t uploaded anything since the beginning of October and yes, I am aware that’s a big problem, but school keeps suffocating me woo! I am yet to publish the Jimin scenario and tbh guys I don’t even think I will in the end, I hurried it up and I realized Jimin deserves better. Anyway I had this idea in my head for a while so uh,,, I hope I did it justice. Thank you for reading, see you (hopefully) soon!

[consilium-games]

A Rambling and Brain-Fried Post on Hermeneutics

It's a godless and blighted hour (11AM) as I write this, and scheduling heartache has left me swirly-eyed and sleep-deprived. Lately I've absorbed a pretty specific combination of media that's led me to think dazedly about hermeneutics, basically "systems of interpretation of a work of media" such as stories. And in light of my past couple games, and a game whose premise I haven't finished chewing on, I think getting some thoughts down (and maybe even some discussion?!) might help someone. I don't know, maybe me?

Inciting Events

By now anyone reading this has heard of Undertale. Spoilers happen here. The creator of Undertale recently released a . . . possibly-related videogame called Deltarune. I say possibly related with good reason, and I don't intend to directly spoil the game as it just came out, but it gave me interesting questions about narrative interpretation--hermeneutics--more generally. I also will probably talk a bit about Doki Doki Literature Club! which you might not have encountered or played. Some high-level spoilers will occur. This post will contain zero 'fan theories', as that has nothing to do with my game-design beat--rather, academic theories on "how do people approach interpreting stories" has a lot to do with my pretentious narrativist game-design ethos!

Also of note, I've watched a playthrough of a videogame called Witch's House, and without spoiling that, it struck me that one of the puzzles will behave drastically differently, depending on whether the player reads one of the ubiquitous hints. Meaning, not only do the hints constitute a mechanic, but discerning how to trust hints becomes a game objective. And further, since "reading a hint" is an in-game action, but recalling a hint is not, the game may behave unpredictably to the player who reads a hint, doesn't save, dies, and reloads--and doesn't read the hint again.

Lastly, I've revisited some analyses of Don't Hug Me I'm Scared, and it put me in mind of discussions about This House Has People In It and The Cry of Mann, and in particular: discussions about those discussions, arguments about how presenting interpretations can color people's formed interpretations. And last warning, I'm still pretty brain-fried, I'll blame that if I end up rambling incoherently.

Setting Out

There's a lot of literature about literature, and literature about literature about literature. Perhaps some day people will spill ink about ink than anything else. Fortunately, we haven't yet entered a boundless singularity of self-referentiality. So I can afford to stake out a couple terms I expect I'll mutter:

hermeneutic: a specific approach, strategy, or philosophy to understanding a work. This can be totally informal ("Christian songs are easy to write, just take a pop song and replace 'baby' with 'Jesus'") or very rigorous ("Derrida's analysis of identity puts it to blame for religious and nationalist fanaticism"), but just treat it as technical shorthand for "approach to understanding a thing".

auteur theory: mostly used in film analysis, in our backyard it means "the author of a work arbitrates its meaning". So, eg Stephen King can definitively and canonically say "Leland Gaunt is an extradimensional alien, not Satan, the Adversary and the Prince of Darkness, from orthodox Christianity". And if King says this, that makes it true and the audience should understand Needful Things in light of this fact King told us with his mouth but not with his story.

Death of the Author: by contrast, 'Death of the Author' means that once a work has an audience (the creator published it, or put it on Steam, or hit Send on Twitter, or just played a song on their porch), the audience has liberty to interpret it however they please, and the creator's word about What It Means has no more weight than the audience. Which would mean that if King tells us Leland Gaunt is an alien, and Needful Things is closer to Lovecraft than King James, that's cool--it's a neat theory, Steve, but I think it's about . . . (Note: I don't know if King has made this claim, but Needful Things does have a few weird neat textual indications that Gaunt is some kind of Cthulhu and not the Lightbringer.)

code-switching: technically from linguistics, borrowed into social sciences, in this post it means a creator of a work putting something into the work that implicitly or explicitly prompts the audience to consciously alter or monitor their interpretation. As a very simple example, suppose someone says with a straight face and deadpan delivery, "I'm a law-abiding citizen who supports truth, justice, and The American Way." Now, suppose they make air-quotes around 'law-abiding'--it rather changes the meaning, by prompting the audience to reinterpret the literal wording.

Okay, I . . . think that'll do. So hi, I'm consilium, and as a goth game designer it should come as no surprise that I like my authors with some degree of living-impairment. Interpreting a text has an element of creativity to it that the creator simply can't contribute on the audience's behalf. More than that though, there just seems something off about the idea that, say, a reader of Needful Things might read about Sheriff Alan Pangborn, and interpret the specific way he defeats Leland Gaunt as allegorical of how cultivating creativity, community, and empathy can help prevent the dehumanization of consumerism and capitalism--only for King to say "no, Alan was just a parallel-universe avatar of the Gunslinger and thus could defeat Gaunt, who was just an extradimensional eldritch predator". If King were to say such a thing after audiences have gotten to know and love Alan on the terms presented in the text, and King were to come back with "maybe that's what I said but that's not what I meant"--my response would have to be a cordial "interesting theory, but it doesn't seem supported by the text".

So, I generally like Death of the Author! But . . . but. I've taken to gnawing on this idea in this game-design blog because--of course--It's More Complicated Than That. Roleplaying games as a medium work about as differently from other media as, say, sculpture and songwriting. And despite essentially just putting bells and whistles and protocol on top of possibly the oldest human artistic medium--storytelling--RPGs have a lot of weirdness they introduce for analysis and critique.

For example, my reservations on Death of the Author! Specifically: taking "in-character, in-game events and narration" as the work of interest, and "the other players at the table" as the audience, what happens when you describe your character Doing Something Cool--based on a mistake? We need a teeny bit of "creator as arbitrator of meaning", so we can at least say, literally, "oh, no, that's not what I meant"! Otherwise, the other players' "freedom of interpretation" leads to your character doing something nonsensical and now they have to have their characters respond--they have a worse work to create within.

This gets at something pretty foundational in treating RPG stories as art: almost any other medium has a creator create a work as a finished thing, and only then does an audience ever interpret it. Whether plural creators collaborate or not, whether the work exists as apocryphal oral tradition and mutates through telling, whether some audience members take it up as their own with flourishes (such as with a joke), there still exists this two-stage process of "author creates" and then "audience interprets". Except in stories within roleplaying games as generally practiced.

In RPGs, the creators almost always constitute the entire audience (I'll ignore things like "RPG podcasts" and novelizations of someone's DnD campaign here, as they make up a vanishingly tiny minority). The audience of the work not only creates it though--they experience the work almost entirely before you could ever call the work 'completed'. Even if we falsely grant that every game concludes on purpose rather than just kinda petering out because people get bored, leave college, have other things to do, or whatever else killed your last game, players experience the story in installments that don't exist until the end of the session. So "interpretation" gets . . . weird.

Basic Hermeneutics

On a surface level, the story of an RPG usually doesn't demand a lot of depth and analysis: some protagonists, inciting incident, various conflicts, faffing about as the PCs fail to get the hint, some amusing or tense or infuriating whiffs and failures along the way, and charitably, some kind of resolution to the main conflict and dramatic and character arcs. Usually metaphors tend to be explained straight up ("my character's ability to 'blur' things reflects her own weak personal boundaries and over-empathization"), and motifs often even moreso ("guys, seriously, what happens every single time your characters see spiders?"). A lot of this comes from necessity of that very immediate, improvised, as-we-go nature of the medium! You have to make sure your audience gets what you intend them to get--because in mere seconds they'll create some more story that depends on the bit of story you just created. And back and forth.

But, quite without realizing it or meaning to, we can't really help but inject other chunks of meaning into stories we help create. Maybe even chunks of meaning that contradict others' contributions at the table. Spoiler alert: I do not have a theory or framework to address this. The Queen Smiles kind of digs into this, but this goes beyond my current depth. So, what can we conjecture or say, what scaffolding could we build, to build a more robust "literary theory of game stories"? I have some basics as I see them:

Auteur theory (creator arbitrates meaning)

This can only apply to one player's contributions, not across plural players.

Necessary, for both basic clarification and because perfectly conveying the ~*~intended meaning~*~ frankly just doesn't work as a thing you can do off the top of your head when your turn comes to say what your character does.

GMs (where applicable) shouldn't use this to defend poor description or ill-considered presentation of "cool things for PCs to care about and cool things to do about it"--just because the GM intended the cop to be sympathetic doesn't make him so, and if he's not sympathetic . . . the protagonists will not treat him so.

Dead authors (freedom of interpretation)

Players can try this out on their own characters, and should, but should ask other players about their characters if something seems odd, confusing, intriguing, or otherwise. "You keep making a point of meticulously describing your character's weird nervous tic. The exact same way every time. How come? What's it mean?"

Players of course can answer engagement like this any way they please, including stabbing themselves with the quill: "you figure it out, if your character were to ask mine, mine would supply her answer which I may or may not know".

GMs (where applicable) should really lean on this: improvise, throw ideas and themes at the wall, and frantically build on top of the audience's ideas, since those ideas clearly resonate with the audience.

Code-switching (deliberately modifying interpretation)

We all do this all the time: the dragon is not telling you to roll for your attack, after all. The GM is, by switching between narrating the world, and communicating with a player.

More subtly we do this when switching between "what our character believes" and "what we players reasonably expect". Your costumed superhero might think of herself as righteous vengeance incarnate, but you hope everyone at the table knows you think she's conceited and delusional at best, and a full-bore psychopath at worst. This hopefully doesn't mean you play your psychopath superhero any less sincerely, but it does require a bit of ironic detachment, you know something about her that she can't know about herself (beyond that she's a fictional character, of course).

Even more subtly, sometimes weird game interactions (of the rules, other PCs, other players) imply things we wish they wouldn't, but can't quite control, and often everyone knows this. "Why can't you muster up your courage one more time?!" "Because I ran out of Fate points," your character doesn't say. Instead, your fellow authors share a look over the table, and gingerly tiptoe around an obvious, character-appropriate thing, and seize on some other thing to say or do, hopefully just as obvious and character-appropriate. But, everyone switched codes, from "characters doing things for reasons" to "the rules inform our story, and we follow them because they help".

Prepaid analysis (game-specific themes or arcs)

A lot of games have some baked-in themes right off the shelf, and provide good starting points and directions of inqury for interpreting a story born out of playing them. Monsterhearts deals with teenage cruelty and queer sexuality. Succession deals with faith, one's place in the world, and how these relate to morality. Bliss Stage tumultuous coming-of-age and taking care of one another, or failing to. If you use eg Lovesick to tell a story that you can't approach or interpret in light of "dangerous, unstable, desperate romantics"--you probably picked the wrong game. You should pick a better game.

Besides these themes, many games also have more abstract ideas--arcs or processes--that they really enshrine. Exalted gives Solars (mythical heroes patterned after ancient folklore) a mechanic called "Limit Break" which mechanically funnels a Solar toward destroying themselves with their own virtue. Likewise, even if you somehow excise Monsterhearts' focus on teenage cruelty and sexuality, you really shouldn't play if you want to avoid social stigma as a theme, because most of the mechanics hinge on it.

We players often deliberately bring in some themes and ideas we'd like to play with, too. "I want to play a character whose determination will be her own undoing--and probably everyone else's." Or even just "I really like themes where physical strength is tragically and stupefyingly unhelpful". Those make for great starting points and prompt good questions to interpret stories!

I know someone with more literary theory and less sleep deprivation could add a few basic givens, but I think this at least goes to show we have ground to stand on and territory to explore. And probably more importantly, it points out some useful kinds of questions we can ask about the story of a game and how to interpret it. So, why did I ever bring up Undertale back there?

Audience Awareness

The following works have something in common: House of Leaves, Funny Games, This House Has People In It, The Cry of Mann, The Shape on the Ground, Undertale, and Deltarune. Besides "being very good", they all explicitly pose the audience as an entity within the story--but, they do it in a very unusual way.

See, the story of a Mario game is about Mario even if the player controls Mario--and though it's a subtle distinction, this also applies to eg Doom, where you play as an explicitly nameless faceless protagonist, intended to be your avatar. Even in the most plot-free abstract game, if we can salvage out a story (if perhaps an extremely degenerate and rudimentary one like 'how this game of chess played out'), the 'story' happily accommodates the audience within it.

That's not how the list I gave does things. Not at all.

Instead, the works I listed single out the audience as something else: in House of Leaves, unreliable narrators call out the unreliable interpreter reading the narrative. In Funny Games, the audience doesn't participate--but the audience watches, and the film knows this, and singles the audience out as complicit in the horrible events that unfold. This House Has People In It casts us as the prying NSA subcontractor watching hours of security footage and reading dozens of e-mails, and makes it clear that even our Panopticon of surveillance doesn't give us a complete account of reality. The Cry of Mann casts us as gibbering voices from an eldritch plane of cosmic horror. The Shape on the Ground poses as a disinterested and clinical psychological test, but it clearly has some ideas about what would lead us to take such a 'test'.

And then there's Undertale and Deltarune. Last warning, I'll say whatever I find convenient about Undertale and probably '''spoil''' something about Deltarune in the process. I do not care.

Hostility to the Audience

If Undertale itself had a personality, one could fairly describe it as "wary of the player": it plays jokes and tricks, but it knows the player is a player, of Undertale, which Undertale also knows is a videogame. It gives you ample chance to have a fun, funny, and sometimes disturbing game, with a lot of tempting and tantalizing unspoken-s hiding juuuust offscreen. But Undertale's point as a work involves giving you the chance to not do that while still, technically, engaging with the game.

Namely, the Genocide Run. By killing literally absolutely every single thing in the game that the game can possibly let you kill, the game very purposely unfolds entirely differently--and on multiple playthroughs, the game will outright take notice of multiple playthroughs, and challenge you for--in effect--torturing the narrative it can deliver by forcing it to deliver every narrative. Let's think about that for a moment:

Most videogames have some kind of excuse of a narrative, and lately, many have really good, nuanced stories to tell--and many of those even go to the (mindbendingly grueling) effort of delivering a plurality of good narratives that honor your agency as a player--maybe even a creator, as best a videogame can with its limitations.

But, what can you say about a story that has multiple endings? Or multiple routes to them? And what can you say about a story that, in some of its branches, simply goes to entirely different places as narratives? It strains the usual literary critical toolkit, to say the least.

Now, a game like Doki Doki Literature Club! approaches this exact same idea of addressing its story as manipulable by the player, of the player as an agent in the story, but in a pretty straightforward way as far as "a narrative that works this way": the narrative already describes "and then the player came along and messed everything up". All of the player's different routes serve this one overarching narrative: the game has an obsessive fixation on you and wants you to play it forever (which, given its nature as (roughly) a visual novel . . . perhaps asks quite a lot).

Undertale takes a step back from even this level of abstraction, though: the implicit and often hidden events of its world and narrative unfold / have unfolded / will unfold, and a given player's "story" consists of "what the player does to this multi-branched narrative-object". The game judges you to your face for contorting its weird timeline-multiple-universe meta-story . . . but lets you do it, to prove the point it wants to prove.

And without much controversy, we can conclude that point roughly summarizes to "playing games just for accomplishment and mastery doesn't give as rewarding an experience as immersing in the story and characters". The subtler point under that, though, comes out through multiple playthroughs: "immersing yourself in a story and cast of characters too much will harm your life and your enjoyment of other things". Undertale, were it a person, would probably look nervously at you after several 'completionist' playthroughs to "see all the content", and it explicitly describes this exact behavior to the player's face as something objectionable--even calling out people who watch someone else play on streams and video hosts.

"Just let it be a story"

Which brings us to Deltarune. I've no doubt dozens of cross-indexed internet-vetted analyses and fan-theories will arise in the next few months (and I look forward to them), but on a once-over the game seems to have one specific thing to say to the player's face: "you are intruding on a story that isn't about you". The game opens with an elaborate character-creator (well, for a retroclone computer RPG), then tells you "discarded, you can't choose who you are, and you can't choose who the character is either". It has fun with giving the player dialog options--then timing out and ignoring the input. It even tells the player in in-game narration that "your choices don't matter". The story itself doesn't even care very much about the player's character, instead hinging on the development and growth of an NPC, following her arc, without much concern for the player's thoughts on the matter. And at the very end, after playing mind-games with the player's familiarity and recognition of Undertale characters--the close does something both inexplicable and disturbing. This is not your story: it's not about you, your choices don't affect it, and it doesn't care what you think.

As an aside, it seems like quite a good game--but I think that comes in part because of this very drastic intent and the skill with which it executes that intent (ie, bluntly at first, subtly enough to almost forget, and then slapping hard enough to prompt a flashback).

And holding this alongside Undertale's stark (even literal) judgment of the player for 'forcing' the narrative to contort to accommodate the player's interaction with that narrative, it seems clear to me that where Doki Doki Literature Club! has fun with the idea of "player as complicit in something gross, and as motivating something cool", Undertale and Deltarune seem much more interested in making the player take an uncomfortable look at how they engage with narratives.

Defensive Hermeneutics

On one hand, Funny Games, The Cry of Mann, and Undertale and Deltarune stare back at the audience, judge them, treat them as an intruding, invading, even corrupting force from outside the work, criticize the audience for enjoying the work, and even call the audience out for engaging in detailed critique, like some kind of cognitive logic-bomb, or a cake laced with just enough ipecac to punish you for eating more than a slice.

But on the other, House of Leaves, This House Has People In It, The Shape on the Ground, and Doki Doki Literature Club all want the audience to participate, to scrutinize, to interact with the narrative and question it, as well as themselves. What does that first camp have in common besides wariness and hostility to the audience, and what does this second camp have in common besides treating the audience as creative of the work's meaning? I'll call it "a defensive hermeneutic".

Notionally, the audience has hermeneutics: ways of understanding a work. But, a creator can't help but have some understanding of the likely mental state and view of a(n imagined) audience, approaching the text in some way. A creator can thus bake in or favorably treat some approaches over others, and can even use this to guide criticism about their work.

That first group, which I'll call "defensive", has one striking common feature: the 'surface level' plots either don't matter, or have very simple outlines. Funny Games' plot is exactly as follows: two psychopaths terrorize, torture, and eventually murder an innocent family. The Cry of Mann shows us what looks a lot like a small child trying to mimic a melodramatic soap-opera, before Things Get Weird (and any extant 'surface level' plot goes under the waves). And Undertale and Deltarune give us the stock "hero appears in strange land, arbitrary puzzle-quests ensue, climactic final confrontation restores peace to the land". This serves as the set-dressing and vehicle for the actual plots--or sometimes simply cognitive messages--to get into the audience's minds:

"What, exactly, do you get out of slasher torture-porn movies? Why do you create the market for things like this?" "Are you sure about where your sense of empathy and identification points you? What makes you think you have a grip on reality enough to judge who's right and relatable, and who isn't?" "Don't just passively consume games like they were kernels of popcorn. But don't gorge yourself on the same dish, either--there's more out there, but you have to look for it."

In short: these works don't want you to nitpick the works themselves. Their entire message consists of second-or-higher-order interpretation. To put it another way, they want to make sure you don't pay attention to the handwriting, because the gaps between the words spell out a poem and the words themselves only create those gaps.

Participatory Hermeneutics

By this same token, I'll call the second camp "participatory": they treat the audience as a kind of creator in their own right--Borges did this a lot and with relish in his later years, and Doki Doki Literature Club! makes it a game mechanic. A creator using this "participatory" hermeneutic essentially doesn't consider their work 'finished' until the audience interprets it. This should sound familiar. The audience contributes meaning to the work, by interpreting it, and a "participatory" work counts on it. And, to contrast with the "defensive" camp: they use complex (sometimes even overcomplicated) plots, which matter and inform interpretation, and tie into the second-order meaning that the work attempts to convey. The "surface level" plots don't solely carry a tangled "interpret this" into the audience's brain. Instead, the surface plot has enough complexity to have a plot-hole, enough character depth to have problematic characters, and enough weight on its own merit to have unappealing implications. In other words: even without convoluted postmodern hoity-toity highfalutin' hermeneutic jibberjabber, a member the audience can find a story they can just enjoy on its merits.

Before anyone angrily starts defending the characters in Undertale or complaining about the directionlessness of This House Has People In It, I hope I've made it really clear, I lumped these works into these two categories based on an overall tendency and commonality, in approaching this one really abstract concept, and as with any work, any binary you can think of will have gradations if you look among "all works, ever". And, even more importantly:

I really love all these works, and I love what they do and how they do it. They all also have flaws, because flawed humans made them, and flawed humans enjoy them. That all said: the "participatory hermeneutic" has everything to offer for my purposes, while the "defensive hermeneutic" . . . might get a post of its own someday.

So What Now?

In aeons past, I wrote about feedback and criticism, and this seems like a good time to dust off that idea with a new application. In particular, that old post talks simply about players (and GMs where applicable) helping each other to contribute their best, and get the most enjoyment out of a game. Here, we'll look at some basic questions players can pose each other as creators of a work, rather than participants of a game or members of an audience.

So let's take that 'player survey' and repurpose it for Dark Humanities and getting a toehold on literary criticism:

Can you describe your approach to your character?

What do you want to convey about your character?

What was one thing you want to make sure we all understand?

How do you interpret my character so far?

What theme or motif do you think our characters express together?

What misconception or misunderstanding would you like to clear up or prevent?

What themes do you want to explore?

And just like the 'player character questionnaire', everyone should update and refine their survey every few sessions. As a given game goes on, for example, you might get to know one of the PCs so well that you never need to worry about "misconceptions or misunderstandings", regarding that character's motivations and personality and thematic implication. But, that character's connection with eg themes of parental abandonment might change, and when that topic comes up, you can devote a question or three just to asking things like "might your character be treating this person as a surrogate mother-figure?" Maybe the player never thought of it that way! Maybe the player thinks that would be a great idea! But neither of you will think about it without pausing a moment to consider things like this.

And once everyone has shared a bit about their characters' themes and clarified everyone else's, you can discuss deliberately pursuing an idea, through your characters. Obviously your characters have no motivation for this, but your characters don't even exist, so they don't have any say in the matter.

For example, cyberpunk naturally deals with corporate oppression, alienation, dehumanization, and technological obsolescence. But, when one PC regularly takes recreational drugs, and baits another into joining them, a third concocts elaborate revenge fantasies, and a fourth picks up broken people like stray cats and tries to parent them into being functional . . .

Maybe they all share a more specific theme of "dysfunctional coping mechanisms". The drug-user is nice and obvious--and their partner joining them in partaking perhaps has a need to belong. The vengeful obsessive might be compensating for feelings of powerlessness and vulnerability by hurting or preparing to hurt others. And the self-styled Good Samaritan and would-be Guardian Angel might be doing the opposite--just as unhealthily.

Importantly, everyone keeps playing their character, the character they made, the character they want to play. But, with some good chewy discussion about story, everyone can also look for spots where, indeed, their character might just so happen to--do something to further this sub-theme of "dysfunctional coping mechanisms", on top of the background of alienation, obsolescence, and dehumanization.

Academic, critical, literary discussion of roleplaying games as games seems like a sadly underexplored subject. But critical discussion of the stories themselves, the ones happening at each table, might as well be completely unknown--so here's hoping someone can build on this!

[littlemisskookie]

Where Our Hands Touch

Where Our Hands Touch Ship: Jimin | Ghost Reader Description: You die and take part in raising your soulmate’s family for generations to come. Warnings: Death!! Fluff! Word Count: 2,723 A/N: Based off a dream I had.

You had died years ago. Gangs used to rampage throughout your neighborhood, terrorizing the citizens, murdering and kidnapping young girls and boys. Your boyfriend had found your corpse hanging on the tree in front of your house, right when he was coming to your house to propose in the early morning. You had been dragged from your bed, a chloroform-soaked rag pressed against your face.

You were only 18.

You didn't like to remember the incident. Although Jimin and your family buried you and held a funeral, you still remained at the tree. Even though you were dead, Jimin could still see and interact with you.

He was sad at first. Very sad. You'd always have to hug on tightly to him, letting him sob in your arms as he ignored the strange looks he received. But soon enough it was as though he forgot you were dead, visiting you as often as he could to tell you about his day.

You didn't mind death. Not that much, really. You didn't need sleep or food. But you couldn't leave the tree and the only person who seemed to see you was Jimin. But your boyfriend was sweet, and he always made your day, giving you hugs and chaste kisses whenever he came to visit.

But you knew he wouldn't be solely yours forever.

You remembered how much he cried when he told you about the crush he had on a classmate. He had gone off to college. It was a few weeks after your murderers were sentenced to death row, and a warm fall afternoon.

"Jimin, you don't have to worry about me," you smiled softly at him as he snuggled closer into your arms. "I'll always be here. But you've got to remember you've got your own life. Mine is over- but yours isn't. Don't get hung up on the past."

"But I'll always love you," Jimin sniffled, looking up at you with those soft puppy eyes that never failed to make you melt. "I promised."

"You've got a big heart- I'm sure it can love more than one," you laughed, rubbing his back assuringly. "Besides- it's not like you can cheat on her with a ghost. I'll love you too, forever- but maybe we love each other more than just a couple."

"What do you mean?" he questioned.

"Maybe... maybe the reason you see me is because we're soulmates," you mumbled, wondering to yourself. "I thought a lot about why I stay at this tree. Was it because I died here? Was it because this was where we'd always meet up for dates? Where we had our first kiss? Was it all of that? I don't know. But there's only one explanation for why you're the one who can see me."

"Soulmates..." Jimin whispered the word softly to himself. "Huh."

"Yeah," you say. "And soulmates don't always have to be romantic. It's a level beyond that- it's permanent."

"So... you're ok with me asking Lindsey out?" Jimin asks you.

You smile warmly. "You shouldn't need my permission- but yes. I am."

Jimin smiles, and he hugs you so tightly you're unsure if you can even breathe. "Thank you, soulmate."

"Mhm," you hum, petting his hair. You stopped referring to Jimin as your boyfriend, that day. From then on, he was your soulmate.

Jimin brought Lindsey to your tree about a year later. He loved her a lot. You could tell. The same way he used to love you. It made you happy- seeing your soulmate's eyes light up each time he looked in hers. His smile was the brightest you had seen it. The last time his grin was that big was before you died.

"You can't see her," Jimin says. "But she's my soulmate and best friend. I told you about her."

"Y/N. The girl who died," Lindsey recalled, her eyes scanning the tree. She couldn't catch you. But you didn't see skepticism from her. She trusted Jimin. The thought made you love her even more as a match for him.

"Yeah," Jimin smiles. "Y/N, this is Lindsey."

"Hi, Linsey," you wave your hand.

"She's waving to you," Jimin tells Lindsey. "She says hi."

"Hi, Y/N," Lindsey waves.

"Do you believe me? I don't want you to think I'm crazy," Jimin asks her, worried about what his girlfriend was thinking.

"If you want, I can wave a branch or something," you offer.

"She says she can shake a branch," Jimin says.

"That'll do," Lindsey smiles, nodding her head. She was sweet. Pretty, too. You were sure she and Jimin would have cute kids.

You point down at a particularly low and small branch- one that would be easier to shake. "I'll shake this one, alright?"

Jimin nods, pointing it out to Lindsey. You wrap your hand around it, shaking it vigorously in an up and down motion so that there was no way it could just be the wind. Lindsey's eyes are wide- and if there was any doubt in her mind before, there wouldn't be one now.

"If you want, I can also snap it off," you say.

"She says she'll snap it off," Jimin says.

You proceed to snap it off, and for a moment, you wonder if Lindsey can see the floating stick in your hand. You do your best to etch into the tree, scratching your name into the bark, proving your existence once and for all.

Lindsey looked stunned.

"You're not scared, are you?" Jimin asks. "She wouldn't hurt a fly- I promise. And she likes you- she told me herself."

"No, I'm not scared," Lindsey said breathlessly. "I just... I've never seen a ghost before. Well, not see, you know. But encountered one before, I guess."

You laugh at that, which makes Jimin crack a smile. "She's a keeper," you tell him, your eyes shining.

There's a lot more that happened between them at that tree. For example, he proposed to her at that tree, with your help of making a few things pretty with the tree. He also got married to Lindsey at the tree. You were so excited, you even hugged Lindsey, though at the most she could just feel a cold breeze.

But what you considered the most important was the event that took place years later, when they brought their daughter to the tree.

"Now, Audrey, there was-"

"Auntie!" the little girl ran up to your tree- no, to you. Her stubby arms wrapped around your knees, almost having you topple backward. Your eyes are the size of golf balls.

Could she see you?

Lindsey and Jimin are both also gaping at the sight. "She sees Y/N?" Lindsey whispered to Jimin.

Jimin was equally as shocked, completely frozen at the spot. "Audrey, love, what's she wearing? The woman you're... hugging."

"Easy!" the small girl beamed, smiling up at you. "A white, lacy nightgown!"

The outfit you died in. She sees it too.

"Oh my God," Jimin breathed. "She can see her. She can see Y/N!"

You lean down, touching the girl's face and combing her hair. She just beamed at you, oblivious to the fact she could talk to a ghost just like her dear old dad. You hadn't talked to anyone like this since you died, since Jimin. You held her close, breathing in the scent. You couldn't believe this was happening.

She could see you.

"Why does she call me Auntie?" you smile, tears springing up in your eyes as you smiled at Jimin.

"I show her our old photos. Told her that you were Auntie Y/N," Jimin smiled. "I... I can't believe it."

"I can't believe it either!" you exclaim. "Audrey, darling. You're so pretty- you look just like your mother."

"I look like Mommy?" Audrey smiled. She had such cute little teeth.

"Yes, you do," you laugh, pinching her cheeks. "But you've got your Daddy's eyes. You remind me of him when he was your age. You're the most precious thing I've ever seen."

"Thank you!" Her voice is high and squeaky. You had never seen anything so adorable.

From then on, Jimin's family would visit you. And any of his descendants that were blood-related could see you, and to them, you became some sort of entity. A family spirit or guardian of some kind.

Lindsey died ten years before Jimin. She was in her 70's. Now he was in his 80's, with Audrey. She was a grown woman by now, nursing her own child. A newborn babe who she cradled in her arms as she sat with her father. She had a child later than Jimin would've liked. Got married later, actually. But you convinced him to get off her case about such things, and he took your advice. Audrey was very thankful for that.

And so she had a child when she was in her 40's. She'd let you hold him- a young boy named Daniel. He was positively precious.

Jimin's head laid in your lap now. His hair was thin and grey, but his eyes stayed the same. They looked as youthful as Daniel's in your opinion. Maybe you were biased.

"My husband insists that we ought to move out of this town," Audrey mentions. "But he forgets that I'm the one making the money- so I decide where we go. After all, I support us financially."

"If you want to leave, you can," you offer. "I don't want to hold you back from having a life. That's what I told your father when he met your mother, actually."

"That's right," Jimin hummed, a smile on his withered lips.

"Of course not," Audrey scoffed. "I love this place. And I love you. What other families would have the opportunity to experience this phenomenon? I want Daniel to know you, to know your wisdom and be taught by you the same way I was. I don't think my husband believed me when I mentioned you to him- his loss. Even though Mom couldn't see you, she didn't mind. I don't see what his problem is."

You smiled fondly at Audrey's rambling. You liked rambling. You liked listening, more than anything. "Well, it's his loss. But you can't expect everyone to be believing. Your mother was a diamond in the rough."

"She was?" Audrey's eyes always shone at the mention of her mother. Even at this age, she still had that youthfulness to her spirit. You couldn't help but see that little girl every time you locked eyes with her.

"She was," Jimin confirmed, his eyes closing slowly as he drifted off to sleep.

That night, his heart stopped in his sleep. You cried a lot when you realized, but Audrey was sympathetic. She was braver than you were, you could admit that. She knew it wasn't your fault and knew he lived a full and happy life.

Now it was her turn to visit.

Daniel grew up quickly. Like a sprout. When no one was around he'd play catch with you. Audrey had decided to buy your parents' old house, despite her husband's protests. Daniel grew up asking you for advice on girls and to help him on homework. Sometimes he came to talk to you about the insecurities he had compared to the other guys in his class. He was soft, like his grandfather. He had his mother's eyes.

It was when he was 16 that he asked you a question no one had asked yet. The two of you were tossing a baseball, sitting in the grass on a spring afternoon.

"How old are you?" he asked.

"Dunno," you say, catching the ball. "Lost count. Past my 100's, at least."

"You loved my grandpa, right?"

"More than anything," you smiled. "That's why I let him have a family."

"And you were alright with your boyfriend having a family?" Daniel questioned, catching the ball you tossed.

"Well, I guess we were always more than that. We were soulmates. And soulmates don't always have to be romantic," you shrugged, catching his toss.

"Well, we know we see you because we're related to him," Daniel mumbled, pausing. "But how come you haven't... I don't know, passed on? Grandpa passed away. And ghosts have unfinished business."

"I... I don't know," you answered honestly. "I suppose that I haven't had a reason to go yet. I'm sort of a part of raising you guys for now."

"You're only 18, though," Daniel recalled.

"Not mentally," you shrug.

"Well, how come Grandpa didn't at least stay here with you? He died here, where you did," Daniel asked.

"I think it's because he lived a full and happy life," you supposed. "And Lindsey would want to see him. I have to stay here for you guys, you know that."

Daniel hummed, tossing the ball. That was the end of that conversation.

Generations passed. Daniel was dead. Audrey was dead. At least four more generations had passed, and at this moment, you were braiding the hair of Sammy, the 18 year old senior.

"Y/N, there's something I've got to confess," Sammy said.

"Hm?" you hummed. Her hair was silky, very pretty. She didn't have Jimin's eyes. The last one who did was Daniel. Her eyes were still very pretty, though. Closer to Lindsey's, now that you thought about it.

"You're my best friend. Also sort of my nanny and sister, but more than that you're my best friend, even if you are a ghost," she chuckled.

You smile at that. "That's comforting. We are close in age physically, though far apart mentally."

"Yeah, you should be dust then." You both giggled at that.

"Well," Sammy breathed. "Because you're so close to me and my family, being our family guardian in a sense, I think I need to tell you something honestly."

"What's that?"

"I got accepted to a university across the country," Sammy said. "And... I don't think I'll come back to live here."

"Oh." You didn't know what to say. Each generation so far had chosen to stay in this house with you, to raise their children with you and accompany you. If Sammy left... it would end the link. She was the last one left of this generation. You supposed it was a curse of Jimin's bloodline- there could only be only children. Otherwise, there were miscarriages or other mishaps. You didn't know what would happen if Sammy left.

"I know that'll end the link. And I don't know what'll happen to you," Sammy sighed. "I... But I really want to go to this university. I've visited the city before and fell in love with it. Do you think I'm being selfish? If you want me to stay, I promise you I will in a heartbeat."

"Sammy," you stopped braiding her hair. "You know what I said to every generation when they asked me a question involving why things are the way they are involving me? Or what I want? Or need?"

"What?" she turned back to you.

"I told each and everyone that I didn't want to hold them back," you smiled.

"So you're ok with me going?" Sammy let out a sigh of relief.

"Of course," you grin. "You deserve a good education. And I don't want you living with major regrets or 'what ifs'."

"But what will happen to you?" she asked.

You shrugged. "I've been alive for hundreds of years, Sammy. Well, dead, actually. Do you really think I'm scared of anything at this point?"

Sammy turned around, hugging you tightly. You do the same, holding her in your arms.

"I'm going to miss you," Sammy whispers. "I promise to visit."

"I'll see you then," you promised.

Sammy had her son in hand. He was only 3 by now. A small boy. His name was Andrew. He called himself Andy or Dee for short. He couldn't say the word Andrew properly, yet, but there was time to fix that. After all, he was a little kid, full of potential.

Sammy walked slowly to the tree, breathing in the scent of flowers and dirt. You weren't here. Ever since she left, each time she visited, you weren't there.

Her fingers grazed over the etchings in the bark. Y/N.

"There's a woman named Y/N, here, Andy," Sammy spoke, looking down at her little boy. "You won't be able to see her. But we all will eventually. She sees us now, I'm sure. You'd love her. She was the sweetest person you'd meet."

"I'm hungry," he spoke.

Sammy rolled her eyes, but couldn't help but smile. He'd understand someday. Each one does eventually. "You always are," she teases. She bends down, scooping him up and into her arms. "Alright, Andy, let's go get some food."

She walked away, remembering the girl who used to braid her hair and tell her what to do involving boys. Who'd tell stories of her ancestors and great, great grandparents and so on. And she knew that girl was finally at peace, with a man named Jimin. Her soulmate.

[bandoms-are-fandoms]

Ghostwriter Chapter 5

    I begrudgingly walk into the home I’m sharing with BTS after the day’s long events and I heave a tired sigh. I glance back at the young man behind me as he takes off his shoes and I can’t believe everything I heard up until now. Earlier in the day, Jungkook stood up in front of everyone in our morning meeting and informed them that he wanted to work with me on the music.

    “What did you say!?” I shouted that morning with little to no attempt at stopping myself. I stared at him with a dubious look and he gave me a cheeky grin. The rest of the group gave him curious looks, but they shrugged their shoulders.

    “You don’t really do much without good reason,” J-Hope nods his head in agreement, then grins at me, “I guess you’re on babysitting duty, Sakka!” He jokes, but I’m still in complete and utter shock by the situation.

    “B-But you said you couldn’t work on a song because you’re so busy-!” I began to stutter, my mind going at warp speed.

    “Jungkook’s schedule is the less busy than the rest of ours,” Namjoon responds coolly, looking over the schedule sheet he seemed to pull out of thin air, “And with the way you’re writing, it may be better if someone was helping you.” He smiled at me almost as if he’s reassuring me that everything is going to be alright.

    I stare at Jungkook for a long moment before slowly nodding my head; I can’t pass up this opportunity to learn from someone who has experience writing music. Maybe he can explain to me what love is too; he’s an attractive guy, there’s no way he doesn’t know a thing or two about women.

    The rest of the members ended up agreeing to Jungkook helping me with my writing, and then we went about the rest of our workday. I’m still in shock about everything that has happened, but now is not the time to be in shock at these events.

    Now that we are home, I go and change into something more cozy and bring my laptop out with Chi-Chi hot on my trail. She hops up on the couch with me and snuggles into my side as I open up a document and stare at the screen quietly. I can’t take my eyes away from the blank page when suddenly there’s a cup in front of my face. I glance down at the white mug and notice there’s some hot coffee inside; looking up, I finally notice Jungkook standing right behind me.

    “Which song are you starting with?” He asks when I gratefully take the mug. He sits down next to me, putting his rounded glasses on to look at the page. He scrunches his brows and looks at me, “You have nothing?”

    “Well…” I sigh, pulling up each document for all seven songs, “I have little phrases here and there that I add when I think it’ll work.” I push the pink laptop in his direction and he looks over the phrases.

    “These are all cliches,” He states bluntly, moving from one document to another. He stops on Jimin’s Song, staring at it for a long moment before sighing and setting down the laptop, “You’re a writer, you must know a cliche when you see one.”

    “Of course I do,” I whine, crossing my legs in sitting position, “But what else can I put? There’s not a single word that I know about these things!”

    “What?” He smirks at me, “Have you never been touched by a guy?” I flush at him, frowning.

    “What kind of question is that!?” He rolls his eyes,  picking up the laptop, looking at the documents again. He points to one of my phrases in Jin’s song of Enduring, “I like this phrase, ‘Our scars are the stories we’ve faced together.’” He looks at me, nodding his head.

    “My mother always says that,” I say, picking up my mug, sipping the warm drink, “She’s probably the only example I have of some sort of love.”

    “Have you never been in love?” He asks, raising an eyebrow to me. I shake my head, giving a sheepish smile.

    “I’ve always been too busy for a relationship. Focused on school and focused on my dreams… I guess it’s silly, being twenty years old and never having a boyfriend before…”

    “I wouldn’t say it’s silly…” Jungkook shrugs, grabbing his own mug, “An inconvenience, sure, but not sill.” He grins at me jokingly as I smack him hard on the arm.

    “Oi! That’s not funny!” I laugh anyway countering my own statement, “What about you? Any loves in your life?” He shrugs to me once more, his black sweatshirt hoodie covering his face.

    “I’ve had a few relationships, yeah,” He informs me, leaning back in his seat, “I’ve never really had an easy time talking to girls.” He chuckles, looking at me with a smile.

    “It doesn’t seem that way to me. You talk to me all the time,” Chi-Chi crawls into a ball on my lap, probably as nosy as I am about this celebrity’s love life.

    “...Yeah, I don’t really consider you a girl,” As the record screeches in the back of my head, I stare at him with a blank look. He starts cackling and giggling like a small child while he observes my face, “You should see your face right now!” I frown, setting my cup down, and punching his arm as hard as I can.

    “What do you mean you don’t see me as a girl!?” I shout, feeling anger boil inside of me.

    “Ow! You see! This is what I mean! You punch like a guy!” He laughs as I shove him off the couch, “Is this how you treat someone who is trying to help you!?”

    “This is how I treat jackasses how don’t know how to treat me like a freaking lady!” I throw one of the couch pillows at him as he continues to laugh at me. After we fight for a while, he gets on the couch again and starts helping me.

    “We’ll start with self-love, that’ll probably be the easiest one to work with,” He tells me, leaning back on the couch, “Get to writing.”

    “God, you’re so bossy,” I huff, picking up my laptop from the floor, starting to get to work. Self-love, huh…? Taking a deep breath, I plug in my headphones to listen to music and set the mood for myself. Even though I’m focused on what I’m supposed to be working on, I couldn’t stop thinking about what he said.

  He doesn't see me as a girl…? Am I not pretty enough? I dress like a girl, I wear heels, I do my makeup… So, I do a few things that are considered masculine like drink strong alcoholic beverages like whiskey or sake? I feel myself growing depressed by each passing thought and will myself to continue my work.

    After a while, I handed him my laptop and he looks over it before handing it back over to me with a frown, “Do it again,” he tells me, turning back to his cellphone. For the next few hours, this is how we went. I kept getting failure after failure and his mocking just got worse every time I handed him said failure.

    I didn’t notice the others coming home until the shouting and the banging occurred, jumping me out of my daze. I look up to the boys who are holding a take-out box with grins on all of their faces.

    “What’re those looks for?” Jungkook asks, staring at them with a blank face.

    “Our little Jungkook decided to help a girl in a need and we thought he should be rewarded!” Jimin claps his hands together, going to grab the dishes out of the kitchen.

    “She’s not a girl,” Jungkook states, getting up from his sitting position, walking into the kitchen. Hearing that statement, I throw another pillow after him.

    “Stop saying that!” I shout, crossing my arms, “I am too a girl!”

    “Not with that angry look on your face,” He laughs, helping the others set the table. V walks up behind me, looking over my shoulder.

    “Wow! This is coming along great!” He shouts, causing every boy to stop what they were doing and swarm me.

    “Oi! I’m claustrophobic! Move away!” I shout, pushing the fourteen pairs of hands reaching for my laptop, “I will punch all of you!” Chi-Chi starts growling at all the boys as Jin quickly grabs my laptop from my lap and runs to the kitchen table, “Hey! I didn’t give you permission!”

    Everyone flies after Jin to read the song I had just produced and they all ‘ooh’ and ‘awe’ at it, pointing to different phrases. It was Jimin who spoke up first, “Is this my song!?” He cries to me, running over to give me a big bear hug. I gasp at the sheer strength of the boy who was nicknamed Mochi; who calls someone this strong Mochi!? That stuff is squishy, this boy is a fucking beast!

    “It’s just a first draft! I’m not even sure I want to keep it!” I gasp for air as the boy picks me up from the couch in excitement.

    “But for a first song, you did a great job!” Jimin praises, setting me down, ruffling my hair, “What a good dog you are!”

    “Now I’m a dog!?” I shout, swatting his hand away.

    “She does have a dog like appearance,” Jungkook laughs, looking back at the laptop. I frown, crossing my arms, “Obviously, you’ll have to write this again, but you’re making progress.”

    “This actually looks like a song,” Suga agrees, nodding his head, “Good work, doggy.”

    “This better not stick, I swear to god,” I huff, crossing my arms.

    “Oh, it’ll stick,” J-Hope laughs, looking over the song, “We could probably start working on the music for this.” Namjoon nods in agreement, handing me back my computer.

    “Congratulations, Miss Ghostwriter,” Jin laughs, patting my head, “Or should I sound Miss Doggy?”

    “I will kick all of your asses!” I shout, swatting away yet another hand. I huff, closing my computer, “You don’t get to see any more songs!”

    “Hey,” Namjoon laughs, “We’re only joking. You’re not a dog.” I pout, walking over to the kitchen table.

    “Totally not a girl though,” Jungkook mumbles causing all the guys to break down in laughter. I lunge for the boy and we get into some form of a punching or swatting match.

    “Children!” Jin shouts, pulling us apart, “There is food on the table! Eat before it gets cold!”

    We stick out tongues out at each other as everyone sits down and begins to eat our meals. We all pass around the boxes of takeout, joking around with each other as we continue to talk about anything and everything. By the end of the meal, however, Suga and Jungkook somehow got into this rock, paper, scissors match to see who would get the single room. Suga was currently staying in the room and Jungkook was getting tired of bunking with me and Namjoon.

    “Shouldn’t I be the one who tries to get the room?” I joke, starting to clean up the plates.

    “Dogs sleep on the couch,” Suga tells me bluntly while Jungkook warms up his hands, “1… 2… 3…” and the short game of rock, paper, scissors ends in…

    “Yes! I won!” Jungkook cheers, fist pumping the air. Suga groans, smacking the table, “Enjoy sleeping with the dog pervert and Snore Monster!” He cheers, dancing around the table, cheering all the while. I sigh, shaking my head.

    “I think I’ll sleep on the couch…” I mumble to myself, not really like the sleeping arrangements anyway as I finish cleaning. Jungkook and Suga quickly move their things from each other’s rooms and Jungkook shove me in the direction of his room. The rest of the guys help them out, but when I try to help, they refuse to let me. They shove me out of the room, telling me to clean or take a shower or whatever.

    After I’ve showered and gone through my nightly face cleaning routine, I walk out of the room where seven pairs of eyes are staring at me expectantly. I blink, drying my hair with a towel, staring back at them. They all slowly start grinning, making me feel uncomfortable.

    “What?” I ask them, frowning.

    “You know, you’ll get frown lines if you keep making that face,” Jin jokes, pulling me into the direction of Jungkook’s room.

    “Why are we going in here!?” I whine, struggling the boy’s strong grip.

    “Come on,” he tells me as the rest of the guys file into the room. I blink my eyes, I notice that the room is cut in half. My stuff on one half, with Chi-Chi, sprawled out on the air mattress. On the other side are Jungkook’s new bed and his clothes thrown around the room already making it mess. There’s one big white sheet separating the room.

    “We’re sharing,” Jungkook informs me, laying on his bed, “I figured you deserved your own space.”

    “We’ll get you a new bed too!” Jimin tells me, opening up the closet to show me all of my clothes inside. Split in half by a bar, showing me where Jungkook’s clothes began as well. Namjoon nods his head, picking up the glass ball on the bed stand.

    “We figured that it’ll be easier for you if you can be yourself,” Namjoon informs me, dropping the ball. J-Hope quickly catches it while I punch Namjoon in the arm.

    “Are you crazy!?” I shout, setting my ball down after J-Hope hands it over to me.

    “It’s not like she isn’t already comfortable,” J-Hope laughs, patting his friend’s injured arm.

    “Well, now you can really call this home,” Jin tells me with a grin.

    “...You guys know I have an apartment still, right?” I ask, crossing my arms. V holds up the keys to my apartment.

    “Yeah, we’re sending someone to get your stuff,” Suga tells me as he leans on the wall.

    “We already talked to your landlord too, so now you’re officially living with us!” V cheered, clapping his hands together.

    “We can keep an eye on you and monitor your writing progress,” Suga adds in. I blink, staring at all of them, “We aren’t taking no for answer by the way.”

    “Doggy is a part of the family!” Jungkook pokes my cheek, laughing when I shoot him a glare.

    “Can you guys try to talk to me about these things!?” I huff, “I already live here, you don’t have to treat me like a prisoner!”

    “You’re not a prisoner, you’re our pet,” V jokes causing me to let out a frustrated noise.

    “Everybody get out!” I shout, trying to shove them all out. I can’t help, but feel the tears running down my cheeks. I hear soft coos as they all begin to tease me for crying in front of them, “I hate every single one of you!”

    “Look at her cry! She really is like a small dog that yaps and whines!” Jungkook laughs as I try to kick him in the shin, “Ow! This is what I mean! You have the strength of karate master or something!”

    “Stop treating me like a dog! Start treating me like a freaking lady!” I smile, enjoying all the playful banter. Once everyone had gone to bed and I knew Jungkook was fast asleep, I pulled open my laptop and put in my earbuds once again. Taking a deep breath, I smile as I feel my fingers go about the natural pace of writing. Before I know, it was about three in the morning and I was in need of some sleep. Shutting my laptop, I close my eyes and fell into a happy sleep.

    I just didn’t realize that within the next few weeks, everything was going to take a turn. I never realized how everything was nice before it all flipped over. Before I flipped over and realized I was doing something that may end up hurting these amazing guys.

_________________________________________________________________________________

Author’s Note: I do not own BTS or anything associated with them. I do own Sakka and her associates!

[solo-trio]

The Fate of the Empress

Kylo x Reader ( Ch. 1)

A/N: This is the start of a story I hope to continue in the future. This story does and will contain STAR WARS THE LAST JEDI SPOILERS so please don’t read if you’re trying to avoid them.

Words: 1.5 K

Warnings: Spoilers, none

Draw near, the dread does- Ch. 1

You lounged on Kylo’s couch, waiting for him to return. Your fingertips mindlessly scrolled through different news sites while your eyes retained nothing they read. It was minutes now before the man you had come to adore so much would return. The events that had recently transpired had him on a more dangerous ledge than you ever thought he’d reach. Due to the defeat to the scavenger and the destruction of Starkiller Base, your significant other was weighed down by more negative energy than any being should endure. His explosive personality damaged more than just control panels these days. Half driven by a selfish need to be near him and a want to do everything in your power for him, you had placed yourself at his convenience every moment you could. More times than not you were grateful to be there to stop him from whatever his mind had convinced him was the only way to recover from the sting of snokes words. You found today to be another example of how abused Kylo Ren was at the hands of his so called master. 

Your neck snapped up, eyes bright, to greet Kylo as you heard the door to the chambers slide open. His completely obliterated mask was the first thing you noticed. It shed pieces with each of his heavy steps. This was the last thing you’d expected to see. You knew how much Kylo had relied on his mask and the shambles of metal it was presently spoke volumes to you about how Kylo must be feeling on the inside. You recalled all the beautiful memories between you two that the mask had appeared in. It was similar to a security blanket for him. Wanting the brooding prince to feel as comfortable as possible you had welcomed the cold menacing mask. Knowing you would never see him proudly wear it again saddened you. 

Worried for your lover, you rushed up to him. The holopad falling to the floor rung out, echoing across the silent room. A message you fully intended to ignore binged through the speakers. Kylo had stopped himself in the middle of the room,halfway to you. His eyes looked down but not at the mask. His exhaling was even and his face appeared unwrinkled by any signs of distress. The only thing giving him away was the hummingbird speed of which his empty hand was shaking. You stood close to him, but far enough so he could breath. “What happened”, you looked up at him, whispering, hoping to coax an explanation rather than suffocate him with a demand for an answer. You inhaled a deep breath scared of what may erupt from him. With this breath, your nose tickled at the slight smell of smoke, something charred. You peered from his face to his clothing and ran your hand over the fabric on his chest feeling slightly crisp material. “That fucking-“ you turned and went to kill Snoke. Your fury burning your throat with every puff of your chest. Your fierce instinct had you out for blood for anyone who dare harm your commander. Snoke had recently been abusing Kylo far more than before and you were sick and tired of watching the love of your life endure it. You would’ve traded anything to take the pain for him, instead of him. Before you could even take two steps Kylo grabbed your arm. 

“Don’t be stupid” he advised from behind you. You couldn’t kill Snoke. You had no power and no plan but you knew in that second, that if you could have had your way, you would’ve enjoyed watching Snoke tortured in the most horrid ways possible. Realizing Kylo was right and there was nothing you could do against the powerful force user, you fell back to the reality where you did have power. You pulled Kylo into a tight hug. Tears fell from your eyes for him.

 “I’m so sorry. It’s not right. You should never have to- I should’ve “ your thoughts sputtered out of your mouth incoherently. In that moment, Kylo enveloped you with his arms and shared your hug. He had never had anyone feel so much for him. While he barely spoke four words you had already shown your weakness for him and Kylo never felt more complete. You never assumed Kylo was in the wrong and you fought for him, against all the things he endured. He held your shaking frame as all the emotions he had bottled up inside were illustrated by you, felt by you. He never once thought of you as disposable but it was moments like these he would only think of you as his soulmate and nothing less. “It has to be soon. I can’t take seeing Snoke treat you this way any longer” you reached up to caress Kylo’s unscarred cheek. He smiled sadly upon you, reassuring you that the time was soon for the future to begin. He dropped his mask and it crumpled into itself as it hit the solid, shiny, black ground. The urge to bring up hurrying the plan pushed at your mind strongly, but Kylo had endured enough today. There would be tomorrow to address it. You and your knight deserved a night of unwinding while intertwined together. After you brushed back his hair trying to make light, you let a hint of your playfulness reveal itself. “Well at least now I can see your face all the time” you rose to your tiptoes. Kylo furthered your journey towards his lips by lifting you gently at the waist and holding you tightly to him while chuckling at your joke. After your heartbeat went crazy and Kylo had gifted you with a another show of affection, He broke from the kiss. 

“Supreme leader is planning something. I can’t tell but I feel it may give me an edge against him” Kylo divulged. Watching him, you saw his gaze far off and searching. You deduced he was looking for a string to hint at this plan he mentioned. While this news should have propelled you on towards the hope of success, your stomach plummeted. You couldn’t explain the acid sloshing in your stomach or the bile rising in your throat but the moment he said those words you were pulled into shackles of hesitation and fear.

 “No” you said, suddenly out of breath. At this he set you down and stepped back moving to go about undressing and getting ready for bed. 

“What’s wrong? My connection to the force tells me it will be the change we need to reign” he asked, eyebrows arching while his hands slid his cape from his shoulders. You agreed with him in your mind but everything in your body felt leaded down by his optimism. 

“Kylo… Snoke planning something… that’ll help us? That doesn’t sound right at all.” you stood in the middle of the room trying to make sense of your bodies reaction. Kylo approached you agreeing with how odd it sounded but he asked you to trust him. Once those words poured from his lips, you forced all negative feelings away and welcomed a soothing calm to your veins. You trusted him. His tie with the force you always believed was strong. You supported him. So you smiled and expressed relief, which in turn, encouraged him. 

You lived out the night. Kylo in a much better mood than during his arrival to your chambers. You laughed, talked, and cuddled with him until he fell asleep. You looked over his features lovingly, praying no more harm would come to him. You placed your lips against his cool freckled skin. Recalling your ignored message on the holopad, you got up. Kylo mumbled, reaching for you as your warmth deserted him. You squeezed his hand, promising a quick return. Scooping up the tech, you sat on the couch briefly. The message was from your best friend. He never messaged you this late or when he knew you were happily stuck to Kylo’s side. The message was delivered and a notification appeared on your screen though. You clicked open the message from General Hux. The words didn’t signal any distress but the existence of the message confirmed to you the need of your presence. You laid down as close to Kylo as possible to try to warn away your stress. Despite your intent to sleep, Your lover’s words echoed through you. “Supreme leader is planning something” your minds voice repeated until a familiar dread had reappeared deep in your soul prolonging your sleeplessness to the level that Kylo experienced.

 He woke up after two hours while you were still coherent. He clung to you as if your form would soon turn to sand and slip through his grasp. “I’ll make everything right I promise” he whispered to you, struggling with the reality that he had not yet made your world perfect. 

“I’ve never believed anything else” you comforted him, knowing how often he doubted himself. You both sat silent, staring lovingly at the other. Your fingers brushed softly against every reachable inch of the others skin into the hours of the approaching dawn. 

[heatofthe-kaz2y5-moment]

Going Through Changes

Title: Going Through Changes (Part 2 for Walk Away)

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Word Count: 1,600+

Warning: Swearing, Depression, Suicide Attempt and Alcohol usage

Summary: Y/N’s gone and Dean might as well be, or at least that’s what Dean thinks as he falls deeper into his depression. But, will a series of unfortunate events bring them back together?

Author’s Note: Part two to “Walk away” and Day 4 of my December series. I really appreciate the feedback, and am super happy you guys all loved “Walk Away” so per request here is Part Two! Let me know again if you want a part 3! Send in any request, if you have any as well.

Dean sat on his bed staring at the wall in front of him. Right above his T.V., that damned photo in what had to be the most god-awful frame. That wasn't his focus, though, no instead his eyes drifted to hers. Bright and wide-eyed. She was still full of hope then, now, everything was different.

"Hey, Dean." Sam came in with a sigh his voice monotone. "Um, there's a lead on Jack and..." Sam couldn't stand to see his brother this way.

Sam's whole life Dean was always the one with his shit together. Sam needed his big brother constantly, somethings just didn't change, and that was one of them. To look at him now, though, killed Sam. Dean's eyes were sunken in, his skin pale and clammy. He looked like pure shit if Sam was being honest, but now wasn't the time for that. Sam was only nearly turned out the door with a mere crack left to be shut.

"I hear him every time I go to sleep," Dean mumbled looking to his younger brother.  "He screams at me, tells me it's all my fault." Dean's eyes glassed over.

Sam could hardly look at him, so, instead settled on the ground.

"It was my fault, that was someone's kid and now the boy is just...dead," Dean whispered before taking another swig of Vodka. "That'll always be my fault."

"Dean you can't just-."

"What else do I have to do Sam? My girl left me while carrying my child, I have nothing anymore."

"Exactly, she's carrying your child and you nearly punched her in the face," Sam said looking at his brother. "You're a giant man with a giant fist and she's just trying to be a good enough mom to her unborn baby and keep this damn family intact." Sam scoffed and Dean looked up at him. "We lose people Dean and I understand that all you wanted to do was to save that boy but at the cost of who's life?" Sam asked. "If you went down in that fire do you have any idea what would've happened to Y/N? What would've happened to me? We'd never be the same Y/N sure as hell wouldn't be!" He exclaimed for once his brother was listening and he needed to get this through to him. "Dean you can't sit here and mope around all damn day you hear if you need to grieve Dean you grieve and if you need to grieve some more fucking do it but this-." Sam sighed looking around the empty room that used to be filled with his brother's lover's light and energy. "This is worse and I can't stand to stay like this." Sam finished.

"What is that, huh? Some sort of damn ultimatum?" Dean asked going back to his staring game with the picture of that very girl Sam spoke of.

"Pull it together Dean or all of those who care about you won't be around much longer," Sam spoke with a sort of authoritative tone that made Dean want to just turn and punch him.

With that, Sam left the room and Dean looked at the clock. It was later, 11 o'clock to be exact. Dean rose from his bed and made his way into the bathroom. Her stuff gone made it all feel empty, even if it was just a toothbrush and comb. Dean groaned at the sight of himself punching the mirror allowing it to cut through his skin. He pulled the mirror out and lone behold was the medicine cabinet. He had reached in grabbing anything he could before pouring a heavy and lethal dosage of medication into his hand before throwing it back. Swallowing each damn pill while naming off his many sins in his head until he just couldn't any longer and feel against the wall. Conscious but weak. Dean sat there staring at his shoes, the ones Y/N bought him, before kicking them off, stumbling to his bed and just falling in. He took a huge swig of the Vodka that sat on his nightstand before falling into the dark abyss with the smell of her lighting the weight he carried on his shoulders for the last time.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was a worn down, no good motel, but it was all Y/N could afford. So, she stuck with it despite all its disgusting aspects and making due because that's what moms did, right? Y/N was only a steady 12 weeks along barely showing. It more so looked like she put on a bit of weight than a baby bump, but it was a purpose. A reminder for a purpose in her life. While she sat at the table watching the tiny T.V. she couldn't help to think about Dean. They hadn't quite planned for a baby but this wasn't how it was supposed to go down either. They were supposed to be together, but it didn't look as though it was going to work out that way this time. Hunters' stories didn't end with happily ever after, and this was just another example of that. Now, with her stomach full, she placed her bowl on the counter that she had picked up from the Dollar Store and headed towards the bathroom for a shower.

"Oh, God." Y/N groaned. "Again?" She asked the invisible man in the sky before huffing.

The damned shower's curtain rod would not stop falling out of place, dropping on one side. So, Y/N climbed the border of the tub reaching up to fix the rod when she heard the squeal of a rat seeing it run across the floor. With her train of thought gone her foot was too. Just like that, she fell down into the tub with a crash and a bang. There was a quiet moment of the unsure haunting her as she looked down, and noticed her sweats tainted and she broke into a sob.

"N-No." She cried sinking down into the tub before screaming, crying out for anyone's help and sure enough, a neighbor came in and called 911.

But that didn't take away from the blood seeping out her pants and the terror over the what she was so sure was the loss of her child.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"You're lucky Ms. Ruso." The doctor said calling Y/N by her cover name all the while Y/N sighed with relief hearing the steady beating of her baby's heart. "The fall was serious, but thankfully not threatening to you or your baby's health."

"Why-why did I bleed?" She asked with wonder.

"Merely due to impact your placenta separated from the uterus but just enough to cause bleeding." The doctor explained. "I've sent for you to pick up a prescription from the pharmacy when you are discharged to help restore what was lost to that abruption."

"Thank you so much."

"Of course, now would you like to know the gender?" The doctor abruptly asked catching Y/N off guard.

"I-I um I-." Y/N stumbled over her words, did she want to know?

"How about this, I write down the gender seal it up in an envelope and you can look when you are ready." The doctor suggested and Y/N nodded. "Alright then," She passed Y/N the envelope. "I will give you some space to change and then I will meet you at the front desk."

"Okay thank you." Y/N closed the conversation as she heard the door shut, quick to stand and pull her clothes back on.

She then opened the heavy wooden door stepping out into the hallway then turning left to go towards the front desk. That's when one man she never expected to see again rounded the corner with a coffee in one hand and ice chips in the other.

"Y/N." Sam stopped and Y/N too.

"Um Sam, hi." She mumbled.

"Everything okay?" Sam asked and Y/N sighed.

"Yeah, yeah I'm good just um just a checkup to well hear him or her." Sam nodded with a smile.

"My little niece or nephew." He whispered and Y/N swallowed.

"Why-Why are you here?" Why couldn't Y/N keep it together? She knew this man for nearly 2 years of her lives why was she so jittery around him?

"It's um it's Dean," Sam stated and she just nodded. "Tried to kill himself found him in bed laying in his spit up and blue."

Y/N felt a tang of guilt she was his lover, his supporter. She should've been there to stop him and to protect him from himself. But, he pushed her out and made the fact he didn't want her around very clear.

"He needs you Y/N he won't admit it but he does he needs to be with you and this baby." Y/N starred off as Sam talked. "Y/N? Did you hear me?"

"Yeah, I did." She looked up at him. "I'm not going to go see him, I can't chase after him anymore it's all give on my end and none on his." Sam's eyes fell in disappointment but Y/N passed him a card writing down her Motel information. "If he needs me, he'll find me." Sam nodded.

"Thanks." He mumbled as they shared a hug before they turned to walk different ways.

Sam walked to be with his brother, his crazy, fucked up brother who was going through some pretty serious changes that he knew his brother couldn't fix on his own but trying to be there to support him anyway. And, on the other end. Y/N walked away from the hospital that housed the love of her life because despite how much it hurt, she was obeying his wishes, and was walking away.

[32flavasshoetique]

On Bridesmaid Hair, Makeup, Footwear and General Organization

On Bridesmaid Hair, Makeup, Footwear and General Organization

Don’t require a hairstyle you’ve never tried before. Don’t require makeup products you’ve never tried. Constantly ask for organic, normal makeup products (unless the bride has hyper-specific demands) and do your own hair in a fashion that feels comfortable. If you’re combining a mediocre gown with brand new locks and brand new makeup products all as well, you’re likely to look into a mirror and stay like, “Oh my God, who am I? ”

Most brides are versatile with regards to the method that you decide to do the hair on your head and makeup products, but whether they have a certain vision you don’t love, that’s merely another example by which it is best to draw it and choose the flow.

Wear comfortable footwear. Ask if any percentage of the night occurs on lawn, if so, don’t wear high, spiky heels. Some brides will request you to wear a particular footwear color, but often the dresses are for enough time so it doesn’t matter and it’s your decision. You’re likely to be a bridesmaid in many weddings, it may be well worth spending in go-to “bridesmaid shoes. Once you know”

A single day of, whenever everyone’s getting prepared in a single space, there’s just therefore much shit every-where. You can easily therefore effortlessly misplace your material. I might advise choosing a large part, making all of your things here, being deliberate about any of it. I’m sure therefore lots of people who’ve destroyed things amidst the chaos.

Additionally, despite the fact that the majority of the focus will be in the bride, don’t forget to deal with your self, mentally and actually. I became in a party that is bridal where another bridesmaid ended up being puking the whole time we had been preparing because she had a belly bug. (She wound up rallying for the ceremony, but she had been like, I can’t stand up there“ I was this close to going up to the wedding planner and being like. I’m sorry. ”) It’s ok to touch away if you want to, if not simply take a peaceful minute on your own an additional space.

On Financial Planning

Being a bridesmaid can be very costly. You need to obtain a dress, seats, a accommodation, a present (frequently numerous), as well as the price of taking place a bachelorette journey if you have one. If you’re able to start mentally (or literally) setting aside money for all of these things well in advance since you usually have some sense of which friends might ask you to be a bridesmaid and when they’re planning to get married, it can help ease the financial burden. Glance at your routine an out with weddings in mind and think about it logistically from both a financial and travel perspective year. I might additionally state if your bride is with in a situation to cover the dresses, that’s such something special into the bridesmaids. Exact exact Same for locks and makeup products. It’s a much nicer gesture than offering your bridesmaids a tote case or other forms of swag, which can be typical.

In the event that you can’t someone’s afford to be bridesmaid, you need to be truthful about any of it. canadian brides real If you’re concerned about any expense, communicate that. Don’t forget to provide her a $20 present. It’s fine, she’s perhaps perhaps not planning to fault you for that. She’s not being a good friend if she does.

On Her most remarkable Bridesmaid Disasters

Most memorably, at one wedding I became in, the bride got her dress with this boutique that is random along side it of the highway, also it didn’t arrive until six days prior to the wedding. She needed to do most of the fixtures within that time frame, that will be doable but tight. We decided to go to select the dress up and try it on 2 days prior to the wedding, and I was being taught by the woman how exactly to zip it and bustle it and all sorts of that. We heard a sound and the whole back of the dress sort of ripped open and basically fell apart as it was being zipped up. The bride’s mother had been like, “Okay, we must keep now. ” They took the gown to a regional tailor whom fundamentally stayed up for 36 hours and fixed it.

As a whole, probably the most challenging or possibly disastrous benefit of being truly a bridesmaid is being forced to manage your friend’s family relations. During certainly one of my friend’s weddings, I happened to be sitting along with her cousin ahead of the ceremony, and she looked to me while consuming champagne and told me she’d taken a Klonopin. I’d a moment that is brief of, but fortunately it ended up fine!

In the Worst benefit of Being fully a regular Bridesmaid

It may be actually exhausting. A marriage is an event that is long start with, but as being a bridesmaid you must make it happen early, you must just simply take times away from work, you will be up eight until midnight, etc. Then you will find frequently other activities that get along along with it, like rehearsal dinners and receptions and brunches, and also as a bridesmaid you form of need to be at complete convenience of every one with a grin in your face. Also if you’re thrilled to be there the theory is that, it nevertheless adds up.

Regarding the most sensible thing About Being fully a frequent Bridesmaid

You get lots of more time aided by the bride that no body else does. Contemplate it: at most of the weddings, no body really extends to go out using the bride. I recently decided to go to wedding being a visitor this previous week, and I also offered the bride a hug during the reception and saw her for an additional regarding the party flooring. That has been it!

On making use of exactly just What She’s discovered to Arrange Her Own Wedding

After being truly a bridesmaid 10 times and going to eight other weddings as being a visitor, We have a fairly clear sense of the things I want my very own wedding to check and feel just like. I’m very centered on making the brief minute that everyone else walks to the reception because energetic as you are able to. I do believe sometimes once the wedding couple head into the reception, it is type of anti-climactic. They have established, then they just take a seat. I do want to keep things experiencing positive.

I might also recommend maintaining the supper and speeches fast. When you yourself have an amazing presenter, provide them with free rein, but that is demonstrably rare. The tradition within the U.S. Is for the daddy associated with the bride, best man and maid of honor to offer speeches in the reception that is actual after which a short “thank you” message through the groom. I believe that tends to function pretty much, but needless to say every wedding, family members situation, you identify it really is a little various!

I’m going to complete a look that is first simply take the almost all pictures utilizing the marriage ceremony inside my moms and dads’ household before. Then afterward, we’ll do yet another shot with everyone during the reception it’s cool because it’s a different venue and. But that’ll take literally 5 minutes. Then every person can get obtain a cheese puff.

from 32flavas https://ift.tt/2Jq7sBO via IFTTT

[actuallynotsatisfied]

Hello world! (Day 1)

I’m new here. Recently I feel like I’m not really in control of my life anymore and everything I do seems to go wrong. So I figured starting a blog could actually help me a lot, you know, like in the movies, haha.

I’ll start by introducing myself: I’m 18 years old and currently live in Germany. I’m 170cm tall and weigh about 64kg. I have brown hair, green eyes and kind of a big nose. At least that’s what my Mom once told me as I was casually chatting with her. :D Oh, and I’m gay! That’ll be important if you’ll follow my blog in the future. I’ll keep my name and stuff anonymous as of now, since I feel like it’s better for me. But who knows, maybe one day that’ll change?

This is the first time I use Tumblr in a proper way. I’ve had many accounts on here before, though. They were primarily to watch funny things or porn so an actual “unproper” way, haha. But I think that I finally found a good use for this site now. 

I’ve had depression before and was in therapy. I never cut myself or tried to commit suicide, but I was thinking about it. Anyway, therapy was kinda successful and I felt a lot better. However it seems that that was only temporary, as I feel like shit at the moment. I thought about calling my old therapist again to make an appointment, and I know I should to that, but it just feels wrong because she used to tell me I was making great steps towards recovery. So calling her again would kind of fell like a disappointment (Not that I’m not used to disappointing people by now).

Since I wrote so much already and I don’t want to bore anyone with my rather boring life, I’ll try to talk about my problems in short now. :)

It all started on the 21st of October. I was working at an amusement park and there was this Halloween event where the park was open until 10pm. And during my work shift I “met” someone. Twice actually. First time was in the middle of the day. I was standing there at the grill, making burgers and I looked into the line at the checkout-thingy (you know, where you pay for the stuff you just ordered) and there was this cute guy, staring at me. And he just wouldn’t look away. Once he left I told my friend about it who was working with me in that burger store. She said, that I probably just imagined that. And I figured that she must’ve been right. However, later in there evening, just before the park was supposed to close, that guy (and his family) came back to the store I was working in and ordered a meal. I again saw him staring at me and this time, after they got their food, they sat down at a table next to our store. At first I didn’t recognize him, but his staring along with me remembering his sister lead to me to the idea, that that could’ve been the exact same guy from a couple hours ago. I was talking to my friend and she said that this was my chance. I didn’t know what to do. And so I did the most cliché thing I could think of: Writing my phone number on a piece of paper and handing it to him alongside a cup of coke. Well except I didn’t do it but gave the paper and the coke to my friend instead so she could walk up to him as I was just to scared and terrified. Looking back that was a mistake but it didn’t really matter because he sent me a message on the next day. I was so happy but still scared and excited. This was the first time I’ve ever done something like that. I didn’t even know anything about his sexuality.

(You have to know, I never really had a relationship. I never kissed someone, I’ve never had sex. There was this one time I had a long-distance “relationship” with a guy from England but that didn’t really work out and I don’t really want to call that a relationship. I never really searched for love in “real life” as I was just not confident enough about myself. That kind of changed during my therapy. I’m still not as confident about me and my body as I’d like to be, but I’m definitely ready for a “normal” relationship.)

Anyways, we were chatting for a bit, we added eachother on snapchat and then I asked him out on a date. That date went okay, considering it was my first one (and his first one too if I’m not mistaken).  We didn’t talk as much as we should have. He was shy and insecure so he wasn’t really able to hold up the conversation. But I tried everything for the date not to be a disaster and I did an okay job considering I’m actually just as shy. On the date, we took a walk in the park and then went to get pizza. At the end I asked him if he liked it and if he’d like to meet me again sometime and he said yes. His bus arrived, he looked me in the eyes and asked “Do you hug after these kind of things?” and before I could even answer, he hugged me. At this moment, I really felt appreciated again for a long time. One week passed and I asked him if he would like to go to the movies with me and he agreed. But before that date, we actually met each other in the hospital. He’s working there and I was visiting my mother who’ve had foot problems. Anyway, I was standing in front of the cafeteria, talking to an old friend when suddenly he interrupted me from the side and asked if I wanted to join him on his break. Of course I said yes. And that “second date” went a bit better than the first one. We still didn’t talk as much as I would’ve liked to but I realized that I really like his humor. It’s actually quite similar to mine (even though it seems like he has not noticed this yet. unfortunately.). Anyway, our official second date was drawing near but the evening before he texted me that he’d like to postpone it as he wanted to get a haircut first and he just feels like there was not enough time between work, going to the barber and meeting me at the cinema. I was a bit angry and sad. I asked him to tell me when he has time to meet me, because he just wanted to “postpone” it, but he never did. One week later I texted him, asking if everything was alright between us and if he was still interested in me. He replied that this was his first time writing with a boy “like this” and that it’s all new to him. I was relieved and wrote him an endless long text, saying how I was feeling neglected. I also opened up to him about not having any relationship experience because I figured that that might lead to him opening up as well. His reply was actually disappointing. He didn’t talk about everything I was writing about and simply responded, that he’d like to take very slow steps as he’d be “sad too, if this didn’t work out”. This was the point I realized: I don’t get him. I wasn’t going to fast, he confirmed that. He didn’t even knew himself what he meant by “very slow steps” and in the coming days I learned, that “slow steps” would actually mean “no steps”. I recommended not asking him out anymore and that he should ask me the next time because that way I would knew he’s ready. That turned out to be a big mistake. He never asked me out until now. I decided to talk to him again about everything. This is the beginning of the conversation:

Me: “Hey. I wanted to know what’s happening between us” Him: “I don’t know“ Me: “That’s not good. I think you should actually figure out by now what exactly you want” Him: “I know but this just feels so ‘wrong’ but also not if you know what I mean”

This was a shock to me. I’ll be honest, I WANTED to hear something else. Something like “I want to meet you again” or so. However he just told me that he can’t explain what he’s meaning as he doesn’t know himself. I told him that of course I was picturing a relationship at the end of everything because at the end, that’s what “dating” is for (even though we didn’t and don’t really do that anymore). This was the first time I cried over him. This made me realize: I care. About him. I can’t say I love him, but I definitely have a crush on him. And that sucks. 

So now I’m here. Today. We don’t really write over WhatsApp anymore because according to him, he never really uses it. So we basically only talk about snapchat. And that’s weird because using Snapchat, you can’t really have a serious, interesting talk. Also: He always replies super late. On WhatsApp as well as on Snapchat. I get that he does that on WhatsApp if he barely uses it but I don’t get why he doesn’t answer on Snapchat. I know he’s using it. I see it on the Snapchat map. It feels like he’s avoiding me and that hurts. The thing is: I don’t get him. While sometimes I have this feeling he doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore because he never replies, other times he “talks” to me more, making me feel like he cares at least a bit. 

And yesterday something weird happened on Snapchat. I always send him Selfies or something like that but everything I used to get from him were pics of walls or floors with a bit of text. But yesterday? He was sending selfies too. It felt like he was opening up to me, like he feels a bit more comfortable. But I don’t know because well, I don’t get him. Right now for example. I know I shouldn’t be stalking - Wow. I actually just wanted to write that he has not responded to my snap in hours and in this very moment I got a snap. - I just replied. Let’s see how long it takes for him to reply.

Anyway, last time we talked using WhatsApp, I asked him a couple questions and gave him time until the end of this week to think about them and then answer me - he just replied - tomorrow is friday and I’ll use WhatsApp to ask him if he already thought about them or needs more time. Because honestly? I need answers sooner or later. 

I’m meeting up with my friends tomorrow evening to make and eat burgers. It’s the first time actually that I’m doing anything with them since they became my friends after I switched to this school (college) 1.5 years ago.

Wow. This text got out of control. Didn’t mean for it to get THAT long. Well at least you’re informed now. I’m going to prepare some stuff for school now and then go to sleep. I’ll probably write another entry tomorrow. But I’m not promising anything :P Have a nice day. :)