#Evie has heard so much bitching from me already

[stargazerdaisy]

Can he die already? I hate this character so freaking much. SO MUCH.

[poisoned-pearls]

TELL US ABT UR FANKIDS. I WANT TO KNWOW!!! :3

AHHH okay!! So

in this world nrc became coed around five years after the current first years graduated

Faraja is just Leona’s child (bc I don’t really ship him with anyone but it just felt right to have one), and she is very like, calm. And super in love with her girlfriend. Big defining trait right there bc she is a sunset savanna feminist. 1. Complétive spell drive champion and princess (though so far removed from the crown she doesn’t care anymore, bc when five people + would have to die for you to get the crown, including your own father, you kinda just. Stop paying attention to it) and 2. Dedicated girlfriend

Here are some of my doodles of her (including dad leona. He’s a history professor at a magic college and all of his students love him)

VIVIENNE is her girlfriend. I called her evie for shorthand until I had the time to look up an actual name. Yes it is after evie from descendants.

Viv is a musician who is definitely a bit of a nepo baby bc of vil, but she’s also definitely talented enough to hold her own without him. She plays guitar and keeps a crossbow on her at all times (imagine those gun thigh straps but magical folding crossbow instead of gun). they met as first years in savannaclaw, and the main reason she transferred was bc the old pomefiore housewarden was becoming a fourth year and REALLY needed someone to take over, so in a panic fueled haze went “hey your dad was a good housewarden, think you can fill in for me? Sorry what was that I gotta go on my internship now good luck with the dorm!!!-“ so she stepped in

(she does have a problem of dressing like a Christian college girl going on a mission trip every time she comes to the savanna tho.)

the entire reason I even thought of putting them together tho was bc I thought it’d be HILARIOUS for leona and vil to have to have the most AWKWARD “meet the parents” dinner EVER. NEITHER OF THEM WERE MADE AWARE BY THEIR CHILDREN BC NEITHER OF THEIR KIDS KNEW THEY HAD MAD BEEF IN HIGHSCHOOL

anyways by the time leona and vil figured it out it was #toolate. Their daughters were already together for a year and a half.

Nami is the first one I ever designed and thought out. She’s also the only one to have a named and fully thought out unique magic

she can speak 7 languages and way too many animal ones, has to go down to 8ths to explain most of her heritage (3/4th Japanese and 1/4italian azul and 1/2 Egyptian, 1/4 Arabian (my lore swap in word bc oh my fucking god agrabah is such a fucking headache. Orientalism is a bitch when it comes to historical research. What do you mean the live action is primarily Indian clothing but narration describes it being off of a river nowhere near that. India isn’t even NEAR an Arabian desert. That was way too much of a tangent- anyways) and 1/4th South Indian Jamil creates the most annoying white girl answer of “oh well ACTUALLY I’m 1/6th French 1/4th German-“ answer but not white.)

nami’s ultimate magic is called siren song. Anyone who hears her singing is made vunerable to her hypnotism. It is not active all of the time, and if someone is out of earshot the hypnotism wears off. She performs weekly concerts at school (which she is fully not supposed to do btw. If either of her dads heard abt it she’d get in trouble for the first time in her life SO FAST-) to get people used to hearing her sing. Just in case she needs to mass hypnotize the school, bc you never know-

nami has also had a serious escape artist problem since she was able to freely transform between her human and mer form (which I have more lore for, but I am making a diagram for that so that shall be a different post). She can and will get up on roofs, inside walls and vents, climb fences, poles, and generally anything. She was air tagged and gpsed by Jamil constantly (kalim was the predecessor), and that was only done to find her after the fact.

She was tossed around as a child like a divorced kid so Jamil could travel as much as he wanted. She’d go to school where azul was based (a fancy ass private school for kids who are like, 110% guaranteed to be mages so they had teachers who could handle it) and whenever she’d go to live with Jamil for a month Azul would just. Lie and say it’s a mermaid thing so she can’t be in person but she can do twst version of zoom- (also whenever she was being swapped the parent would fly with her to the other one. They also spent months together as a full unit and Jamil stopped traveling as much when she turned 11 but that is how she’s visited over 30ish countries)

(also just bc the teachers were trained to deal with magic doesn’t mean they were trained to deal with Nami: expert escape artist(tm). No one has succeeded in stopping her OTHER than when she was 7 and had a pole scaling problem, so Jamil slapped some leggings on her so she’d lose the grip her skin had. However this backfired when she just gained the ability to lift herself up with only her arms. A lot of her skills also have to do with her ability to withdraw her tentacles in like, a split second tho. She can pull out two and use octo strength to pull herself up or scale walls.)

she struggles with fears of falling short however. She feels like she can’t exactly beat expectations, only meet or fail them. It’s not like either of her parents put this pressure on herself, but when one parent was opening up a restaurant and the other was fully abt to stage a coup it’s kinda hard to beat that. She’s terrified of just being, average, bc to her, she should have everything to make her excellent.

She also is good at dancing and piano. She was that five year old who is better at piano than most adults. She also watches dramas with auntie Najma a lot. She is very close with Najma-

neo is my little cringe fail idikei kid. I love him so much he’s so funny to me. He’s immensely camera shy and suffers from high anxiety. He can however find out absolutely everything abt someone from a burner acc however.

absolute menace online. Nothing is safe from him. He doesn’t poss himself at ALL but best believe he knows everyone’s instas in the whole school. He does have access to crowleys search history just in case he ever needs blackmail

he also has a HUGE ass crush on Nami (she doesn’t reciprocate, bc she definitely sees him as a kid even tho he’s just a year younger (mainly bc she was the one who helped him adjust to being a housewarden)) bc he saw her, got SEVERELY intimidated by her, and then once she helped him adjust, he admired her. So he is very very awkward around her. He isn’t weird abt it with her tho. He would literally rather die than weird her out, bc that is his IDOL/hj. He thinks she’s very pretty as well. The other first years use this to their advantage to get him to come do things with them

those are the most like, thought out and complete ones I have for now-. Samir is kinda just a vibe and not much of a fleshed out character and the rest need legit names before I can confidently talk abt them, BUT rest assured I have MANY thoughts abt them

[jodilin65]

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 28, 1998 The cat’s now in the window trying to get me to go out and chase him off as he likes me to do cuz I don’t appreciate being stared down. Not even by a cat. However, this time I’m not gonna give this damn cat the satisfaction of a chase.

Animals can sometimes be distracting when you’re trying to write, but just think of how much more of a distraction it’d be if I had had a kid. Cuz then we’re not talking about just chewing sounds or sounds of movements from rodents or cats smacking walls and doors, we’re talking about having to get up every other minute to feed it, change it, do this for it, do that for it. Once they get to where they can walk and talk, they always want to show you this and have you come see that and ask a million questions.

That’s the second weekend stereo I’ve heard since 9:00. Yes, it’s that time again and when I go to bed next, which will be around the freeloader’s peak time, it’ll be stressful. You just never know what to expect on weekends and this freeloader is so unpredictable. I mean, he is and he isn’t. I know he’ll be a problem again, I just don’t know when. He could give me 2-3 weeks of no music, then out of the blue, up he starts again with his shit. Since it’s been quiet that I know of, does this mean they still don’t know I haven’t been served? Cuz I figured that it’s when they realize they aren’t gonna get me into court and don’t feel like wasting their time trying anymore, is when they’re gonna pitch a fit.

As almost always, the barometer has risen and the clouds have cleared and the weather’s to be great, just in time for the weekend.

I hate holidays and Saturdays and Sundays from 1 PM - 8 PM. I wish it was Sunday evening now. No, I wish it was Monday morning this time around, cuz then we’ll be off shopping!

At least I don’t feel like one of God’s extras cast into this world as much anymore. One who just sits on the sidelines and watches others live their lives but doesn’t get to participate in life herself. I mean, sometimes I still feel like the purposes I currently have in life are all that’s ever gonna be. Nothing more in the future, except to move. I’m sure I’m right, too, that I’ve peaked and lived my life and can’t do/have much more than I already have, but it doesn’t get to me the way it used to. Guess I’m just used to it and the idea of it. Nonetheless, living for Tom, my animals, to move, and to enjoy my hobbies, beats living for an income barely suitable for a rat, no life, and all kinds of problems with people.

I really appreciated Evie’s email and her generous offers and her understanding. She said she likes me a lot and doesn’t want me doing anything that’d make me uncomfortable, but maybe in April, we can get together. She also said to let her know if I want a ride anywhere or if I need anything when I have my teeth done. Now that I’ve already got someone who drives and who’s supportive of me and who takes care of me here at home, these people crawl out of the woodwork to offer help, but before, I had no one. Anyone who I could get an occasional ride considered me a burden for bumming a “free” ride from them. Well, friends aren’t supposed to “charge” friends with favors. Friendship is supposed to be enough. I mean, Andy gets on my nerves with the favors he wants to be done at times, but I still do it cuz he is a friend. I may bitch about it, but I try to be there for him whenever possible.

I still want to know what Evie’s sudden interest in me is. I know she doesn’t get a kick out of my sterility and therefore wants to rub her kids in my face. She’s not like that, but some people would be sick enough to do that. There are some people who lack sensitivity to things they have never had to endure. So, I think she may feel sorry for me and it’s too bad if she does, cuz I don’t need no one’s pity. In fact, I’d really like to get together not just cuz she seems so nice, but if anything, it’ll help me. Watching what mothers go through with their screaming, destructive kids always makes me appreciate my sterility more and not take it for granted. I then see it more as a gift, than a punishment.

Anyway, Tom’s side of the family is great, as diverse as it is. There are some Hispanic and black people and there are different religions. Some think that Satan sleeps under their pillows, some don’t, some are rich, some average, and some poor. Although Margaret, Ma’s sister, is the only crazy one that I know of, my grandniece Jennifer is the only one who’s half black, and Marie, Bobby’s wife, is the only Mexican one that I know of. I wish Mom would quit being such a little user, though!

I just went outside and took the bar down that goes across one of the back room windows. It was originally put up for the birds, but now the cats love to pounce on it and jolt half the house and startle me.

Later…

I wonder when Tom will be up. Believe it or not, I’m not looking forward to our weekend sex. It just isn’t in me anymore, but it’s better than being the little nympho I used to be. I guess I’m just conditioned now to this part-time sexual relationship. At least I have him full-time, though. Well, when he isn’t taking care of someone else’s car or house I do. Anyway, at least I can fake an orgasm, whereas guys can’t. Although I don’t wish to be dishonest in that way. It’s just that he told me it matters to him. I never thought it did. I always thought cumming didn’t matter to him, be it with him or with me. In fact, he’s made references to his preferring not to cum, and never any about whether or not I came, so I just assumed it didn’t matter with me one way or the other.

However, there won’t be no weekend sex next weekend. That’s when I’m mid-cycle, so he’d probably be too scared to cum, and God wouldn’t allow us to get together more than likely, cuz he’s gotta act like I’m this perfectly fertile thing whose time for motherhood just hasn’t come yet.

I’m doing the laundry that never dries right now. The washer’s fine, except for huge things like comforters, but the dryer sucks. It takes forever for just a few light pieces of clothing to dry.

Later…

Tom’s still not up. He must’ve stayed up very late yesterday, although, on the weekend, he does try to be on a day schedule. He has to work today too, as he does the last Saturday of every month. He’s scheduled for vacation in April, as well as either September or October. I forgot which one. He mentioned us going to SeaWorld in California in April. Sounds great! Hopefully, nothing will come up to stop us from going, but if it does, that’s life, I guess. And I already got to California, even if it was to just drive past the border and cruise around nothing but empty desert for a while.

Anyway, another thing that baffles me about Bob is why he’s still in jail. Don’t these people always get out before most of their sentence is up? I think he mentioned something about parole in 2006, but his 1994 sentence was for 10-14 years.

What is it with me having to shit when at the computer? Every time I’m in the middle of typing is when I have to take a dump. Well, when I’m constipated, I’ll keep that in mind and type like hell.

As shitting and typing go together (at least for me they do) so do GPs and their dramatics. Gotta run like hell most of the time when people walk by them and act all afraid, but what they really want is attention. Well, it’s hard not to notice them dart right by you, that’s for sure.

I’ve still been concentrating on stomach and thigh exercises daily, but it’s still too soon to know what’s going on with the weight. By the middle of next week, I should know if I’ve finally got a shot at losing the weight, or if something up there still wants me to be the porker that I am.

I think right now, though, I’ll go put on a pot of my decaf coffee, add a pinch of cinnamon, and then go plop myself down in the recliner with my last library book. Maybe we’ll go to the library on Monday, as well as to Wal-Mart.

Later…

I am almost done with my book. I am trying to read it slowly since I won’t be getting any more books for at least a few days.

I think I’ll start my weekly letters sometime soon. For now…I hope Andy comes over quietly since I’ll be asleep, to get Laura’s $40 I’ll be leaving in between the front doors for him and to leave me the journals he has for me. I don’t know what his obsession is with turning visits and picking things up at people’s houses into such a big deal. He’s always got to make it such an ordeal for himself and put off and delay and just be a general nuisance.

I asked Andy if the journals he got me were wire-bound. Nope. Too bad.

Later…

I just thinned out the sawdust that was in the middle-size Play City cage, which is my least favorite cage of theirs. It’s got a weird layout. I thinned it out, though, cuz some little devil keeps pushing some sawdust out through the hole that the wheel that goes with that cage hooks into, onto my table below it.

A few of the mice are still up, but they’ll be going to bed soon. The cats have finally settled down out there. God, why do you send me the things I don’t want? I don’t need all these cats, God, so can you take these 3 cats, plus the millions more to come, then give me one child? Just one? No, of course not, and no, the cats haven’t settled down since White Feet just jumped up in the window. Is that a sign from God? One saying he wants me caring for animals and not a child? I wouldn’t be surprised if it was.

A part of me is tempted to move my computer into one of the bedrooms so I can concentrate better, but nah. It’s not worth the hassle and it’s no problem when I’m on days. See, there are advantages to both nights and days. The animals are asleep in the daytime and things are open, but then there’s noise from dogs, people, etc. At night, the animals are rowdy, but I’m pretty much free from next door’s shit. Until they have a dog barking in spurts again in the wee hours of the morning, anyway.

Later…

The freeloader has made his first of his many trips in and out early today. It just left, still without music. So, he’ll come and go again at around 11:00, then early afternoon, then late afternoon, then early evening. I think they’re drug runs he’s making. I just don’t know if it’s to buy or to sell. I’m sure they’re users, though, and that bitch’s bone-thinness is drug-induced.

Tom and I had a pleasant morning, but a half-hour ago he left for work. He’ll be back around when I crash between noon-2:00.

We didn’t have much time for screwing this morning, but we had a nice chat as we cuddled in bed.

He told me quite a few things about his mom that he’s just learning. Some of them he knew, some of them he just learned since the doctors are now saying she only has a year left to live, and these things are pretty horrible.

Ma’s life was no joyride, that’s for sure. In fact, she really had it rough all the way till the kids were pretty much grown. In the first part of her marriage, they lived in a trailer with no water or bathroom, and had to go down the street to go to the bathroom. Yuck! And that was considered a step up from being abandoned as a child. Apparently, her folks were just so poor, that she and one of the other kids were sent to some camp. The camp was an OK place. Then when it was time to go home, the parents had moved. So the state made them take them back, but then Ma’s ma died of cancer in her 30s. Then she had stepparents who were violent towards each other, drunk a lot, and ignored the kids, too.

Tom said that even though she went through all those horrible things, she never blamed it on God or felt she had “lived her life.” Well, I do believe there’s both a good and an evil force out there and it’s not that I feel I’ve peaked and lived my life in all ways. I know we’ll move someday and that I’ll have/do new things. I’m just saying I’ll never have a child. I wish I could feel that bad things happen just because and not feel that there’s a God or a devil to blame, but I do. And I wish I could work on my anger and patience problems, but sometimes it’s easy to look at such a wonderful person like Ma and say how I wish I could be like her in some traits, but then a whole different story to actually be like her and have some of her characteristics.

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 27, 1998 Another weekend has just about arrived with these freeloaders as neighbors. Again, though, all’s been quiet. And at the same time, I love not knowing that they exist, I also know it’s just a matter of time before they make a ruckus again. But hopefully, I’m right about my now believing there is a chance they can hear me making late-night noise following their noise and that they don’t want to be bothered or awoken at night, so they shut up when they hear me. And I most certainly will make a lot of noise at night, should they give me their music, hours of bouncing balls, or anything that intrudes upon my peace/concentration/nerves.

I wish it could always be this way - no excessive door slamming, no dog, no music, but I know that’s just a dream. He could be coming in for lunch again lately with music, but if he is, I wouldn’t know it cuz I’ve been asleep around lunchtime. I also couldn’t say how he’s coming in after work, either.

I wonder, though, are they ever gonna break the fuck up? Or are they bound by an addiction to be together forever? Since the dog arrived right around when he returned with the boy, unless the boy’s always been there and I didn’t know it, the dog may have also been a gift for the bitch to let him back in, too, besides to torture me with for going off on them and just because they knew it would bother me.

Anyway, Tom and I discussed going over to his ma’s on Monday, the day we’ll be going to the store, to see her, Neva and Peggy, but now Tom says he hopes I don’t want to go. He says they’re loud and all that, so fine, we don’t have to go. I only care to see just Mom anyway, since I don’t even know Neva and Peggy.

Got an email from Evie and through her indirect, but to the point enough, bitching about the never-ending demands of motherhood, I realize once again just how gifted I may be, rather than cursed. I would be far from upset, although scared if I found out this second I was pregnant, but again, is it worth crying over the fact that the doctors won’t be able to help me conceive?

Anyway, she wants to know if she and the kids can come visit in March. I asked Tom what he thought after we both wondered aloud what the sudden interest was. I hope she doesn’t feel sorry for me since I mentioned I can’t have kids. Anyway, Tom reminded me that March is teeth month. I told her I’ll have to go weekly in March, then it’ll drop down to monthly for probably 18 months. Also, we’ll get together at a later date, but I don’t know when.

I don’t mind her coming over at all, it’s just that you know how it is for me with people breaking things whenever someone visits. Andy’s been fine lately, but who knows how he’d be if he came over as much as he used to? I don’t want to just come out and demand she hold those kids down while she visits, but they worry me. As I told her, this house isn’t baby-proof and not as safe. I can’t afford to have two kids trashing things in here. Neither of us needs that. That’s another burden I’d have had to have gone through if we had had a kid - elevating everything up out of its reach. Now Evie doesn’t strike me as your typical mom who’s irresponsible and who doesn’t give a shit. I think she’d be kind enough to watch her kids, but it’s hard and I understand this. Marla’s a lot like her and yet I had to be the one to keep her youngest kid from ransacking this place. And from killing the animals. The idea of it reminds me of Ashley, Kara’s kid at the Vista. As soon as she released that thing from her grip on her lap, off it was to destroy things.

It’s pretty light out there now and not as cold as it had been. I don’t know if it’s gonna rain or not, but the sky’s nothing but clouds. That’s why it’s light out and things are illuminated well enough for even someone like me to see who’s a bit night blind.

The older couple out back, one of whose name is Gloria and who came to our tag sale, must be insomniacs. Every time I’m up throughout the night, I see what I believe is their bathroom light every hour or two.

Later…

I’m really looking forward to getting this weekend done and over with and going shopping. If I could make it Monday morning at the snap of my fingers, I would.

I still can’t believe that freeloader hasn’t tried to have me re-served and I can’t believe there hasn’t been noise daily for more than a few minutes. You mean to tell me I did something that I actually got away with? It seems unbelievable! I’m not stupid, though, I knew that if I didn’t have to deal with the hassles of court, even though it wouldn’t have done them any good, or if they didn’t make a scene in a big way every day (not that I wouldn’t kill them for it), that God would pay me back. He’d see to it that I got my punishment for that bottle toss, although I think sterilizing any woman is more than a lifelong punishment for anything she could ever do wrong in her life. In fact, the punishment of sterility could never fit any crime committed by me. Maybe someone else, but not me.

It is a bit of a consoling thought to know that that’d cost a lot of money for him to run the car and its stereo for several minutes every day in time. There have been a few times where he did weeding, ball playing, or just sat there for the hell of it with it blaring for more than a few seconds, but still, I thank God this hasn’t seemed to be something he finds worth the cost so far. Trust me, though, if it gets worth the cost to him, he won’t have a stereo left to blast. I’m surprised I haven’t heard music regularly from their house, but then again I’m not. They really only make these super bassy stereos for cars. The idea is for the lonely, desperate wanna-be-heard people of this sick world, is to cruise through many streets with it. So, since the basic idea for such inhumane bass levels is to get attention, you can only get a handful of house’s attention in a house. In a car, you can get hundreds. And the attention of other motorists.

Later…

Oh, brother! Andy’s lonely, so he wants to talk. God! Send him a boyfriend, please?! I knew it’d be a matter of time when he’d be up to his same old phone shit. We just talked and exchanged messages last night, but he’s all bummed out cuz he couldn’t get sex from that sick fuck Quinn.

He’s ready to get Laura’s rent money and God, I hope to hell this isn’t a monthly thing! I’m gonna tell him to just leave the journals he got for me in the door and I’ll leave the money out, too, cuz I’m not gonna play phone several times a day for 3 days prior to his visit that he’s 4 hours late for. So rather than try to change his ways, we’ll just do it this way for a while, and that way he won’t feel pressured. Meanwhile, I’m not gonna be put out of my way by an irresponsible druggie.

Guess it’s time to stop feeding these stray cats again. They’re really getting on my nerves and taking advantage of my hospitality once again. Therefore, if I don't give them anything for a few days, maybe they’ll put two and two together and realize that their racket and pushiness means no food.

Later…

I just went out and sort of made Bunny come in. He prefers it outside at this time of year, but I just thought I’d let him and Velvet visit. Oh my God, though! I can’t believe the change in Bunny. He always took care of and was friendly to Piggy and Spunky and loved to clean them, but not with this one. Every time Velvet would get near him, he’d lunge at him and Velvet was screaming, so I threw Bunny back out. I guess the cats taught him that by the way he and they play tag a lot. Well, he’s gonna have to stay an outdoor rabbit then and he’ll have to find a way to survive the heat of the summer. Everyone’s dogs do it, so he should be OK, too.

Jesus Christ! It sounds like a distant kennel out there and it’s just after 3:00 in the morning. I can hear at least 4 different dogs. Does anyone care about their dogs or their neighbors anymore?

Tom was really pissed about how they fucked up on fixing the oil leak in Ma’s car. I don’t blame him, either. Shit, though, we have two cars and two houses! We don’t need this shit. We need to move and live our own lives.

Andy, who had to leave the maximum amount of time permitted for each message as always, told me he had a dream involving my parents. He said he was at their place, and they were assembling stuff to send to me. He asked what the occasion was for them to be sending me stuff since it wasn’t my birthday or anything like that. Then he said they were throwing in some ugly journals and he told them I don’t want them anymore, cuz I’ll be making my own. Then he said they were putting in other stuff that he said I’d like, but can’t remember what the stuff was.

Later…

I am thoroughly confused the more I think of Bob’s case. Tom and I were talking yesterday about how statutory rape means you had sex with someone underage and it’s a crime even if they were willing, which is what we thought Bob was charged with.

However, I just went and checked the old article I have and although you can’t always buy what the papers say, he was charged with statutory rape, forcible rape, and distributing alcohol to minors.

The distributing alcohol, I can see him being dumb enough to do. I can also see him screwing around with a teenager, but only an older one. Not a 12-year-old one and certainly not forcing sex on anyone. It just isn’t Bob P. It’s not the old fart’s style and he’s just too much of a wimp to force anyone to do anything.

Well, no one will ever really know what happened, other than the people who were there.

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 26, 1998 Velvet’s adjusting pretty well. He stands still and lets me pick him up now, rather than running away. He loves to burrow under my neck/hair when I take him out.

I should’ve known better, too, that just cuz I can digest dairy easier, doesn’t mean God’s suddenly gonna change his mind about controlling my body. I’m back up to 128 pounds, but I’ve been sticking to the diet like I’m supposed to. God just isn’t gonna let me be thin again, that’s for sure. Not if I’m gonna be able to breathe better, he’s not.

The thing I hate about God, or whatever this outer source is, is that I’m powerless to stop whatever it is. This isn’t some other human being that I can reach out and wring their neck. This is some force that’s got me at its own mercy and whatever it says, is how it goes. I just wish it’d go pick on someone else and go control their lives/body for a change and leave me the fuck alone and give me the freedom to choose my own path and my own destiny in this life. It should be my right to be able to be thin. It should be my right to have a child. Nobody, not no God, not no person, should have the control/right to tell me how to live my life. And I know this weight thing is just because God wants me to be fat, and not cuz of a medical problem. Even if I did have a medical problem, he’d never let it be detected by a nurse/doctor. He wouldn’t want it discovered cuz he wouldn’t want me to deal with it and fix it. He’d want it to keep on controlling me.

When I look for things to say I’m wrong about my fear that Tom doesn’t want a kid, I realize this - he’d never leave like most men do if we had a kid. I just know this. He’s the responsible type, who’s practical and logical. He wouldn’t ever want to give the baby mice to the cats cuz of how it’d play on his conscience, so maybe his devotion to getting rid of the mice in the responsible way we did, is a sign that I’m wrong about him. I sure hope so!

Mary and Dave got a small, black cocker spaniel the other day from the HS.

I tackled the cleaning in here and got that out of the way. Did some singing, too. Now I think I’ll go do some reading.

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 25, 1998 OK, here’s what we “say” we’re gonna do, but if we can really do it without making excuses or chickening out, remains to be seen, not to mention the curve balls God will throw at us, or the things he may do to block us entirely.

Within the next 3 weeks, he’s gonna set us up with the right doctors and make an appointment for himself. Then, I’ll make an appointment for me. If all is OK with us both, then we’ll set up an appointment with the fertility people.

He still knows in his mind that a child is gonna happen. I know differently, but at least I can finally deal with my emotional state by having a doctor tell me there’s nothing they can do. That way I’ll know I didn’t make excuses or chicken out and that I went and found out what the scoop was that’s caused my sterility. Then, I can hopefully move on with this sort of closure.

I wish I knew he could be right about it happening anyway, no matter what, and I also wish I knew I could be right about his mother. He wonders if her having her sister Neva and Neva’s daughter Peggy visit, is due to her feeling she hasn’t got much time left. Well, I can see God feeling she’s done her time and with her gone, people wouldn’t have to worry so much or have as much to do (till it was replaced with new stuff to do), but she’s such a sweet lady. She’ll be missed and it’ll be sad to see her go whenever she does go. It’s too bad I didn’t have the 25 years or so to have known her and dad like Nora has.

Later…

I’m down a pound or two and Tom says it really does work - the Slim-Fast diet I’m on. It’s an easy plan too, and I know it works, but the question still is - will God let it work for me?

Anyway, I’m gonna go relax with my decaf coffee which I’ve been having plenty of, and maybe do some reading, too.

I sang earlier and it was a complete compensation for the night before as I knew it would be. Last night I sang great. It was crystal clear and all was fine, but tonight my typical trade-in for not smoking allergy nose that’s 10 times worse since I quit smoking, was in the way. God, either give me the voice to sing with and leave it alone and let me use it or just forget it! I feel like I’m being teased with this gift and like something up there wants me to pay for using this voice. It’s like it’s teasing me with it, allowing me to use it, but only with a price to pay. Can’t I ever have something for nothing? I don’t care how much of a cheap Jew or a cheap person that sounds like, either. It’s just that I’m so sick of having to work for this and pay for that. I just wish God would bless me with something where there were no strings attached for once.

Later…

I won’t write much now, cuz I’m frying up some chicken for me and the cats.

Anyway, the Lactaid still helps me to digest dairy without gas, cramps and bloating, so that’s good. I’m down from 128 to 125. I’m shocked and pleased, but still not willing to get my hopes up. I seem to have mustered up the will to stick to the diet plan, but now, I have to wait and see if God will let me do this.

Later…

Got a message from my folks saying congratulations for not smoking - they’re proud of me.

Gotta get Tom up soon. I guess he goes in at 11:30 tonight. He’s hoping to find a job within the bank that’ll give him set hours instead of having to go in at 7:30 one night, midnight the next, then 1:30, then 11:30.

I am now perfectly content with sex once a week, which is basically all our busyness/schedules will allow us to have.

I’m not looking forward to this weekend since they were quiet last weekend. I figure they’re gonna make up for quiet time sooner or later and I just hope to hell this weekend isn’t it cuz I’ll be asleep during the daytime. Or for the later part of the day, which is when they’re more active. Between 2 or 3 PM - around 8 PM on weekends, is when they’re more apt to make a scene.

Anyway, on Monday we’ll be going shopping. I want to get some new pet toys. I’m gonna get a new cage for the mice and new tubes/wheels. Then I may get myself a few larger pairs of panties, and a couple of pairs of sweatpants. Hopefully, this will be it as far as buying bigger clothes and I’ll end up back into my smaller clothes, but time will tell.

Ma’s sister Neva and her daughter Peggy were due to arrive from Michigan today. Hopefully, they got here OK. They’ll be here for a week. Then the week after that when I’m mid-cycle, God can again act like there’s some big pregnancy to dodge and tie Tom up with the move into Mary’s house.

Here’s our current plan that he and I discussed, but I don’t know. I just know something will come up to botch up our plans. He’s gonna get scared and use me as an excuse to put off or bail out or manipulate the doctors, should we ever get to these people. They say to trust your gut instinct. Well, either I’m paranoid (which I wish was the case, since no one likes to know their suspicions are legit) or I have a reason to suspect like I do that Tom will somehow either con his way out of the doctors altogether or con them out of helping us to have a child. Like I said, I hope I’m wrong. I hope it’s just a case of my being paranoid, due to those whom I was supposed to have been able to trust, that fucked me over in the past.

I felt kind of hurt and insulted at how he said since he’s never had an ear done like I did to see if I’d stand by him and still love him like he did for me, he has his doubts in me. He fears what I’ll tell the doctors about my believing he doesn’t want a kid. Then why’s he afraid of that if that’s not the case as he insists? I told him I wouldn’t say anything about his not wanting a child/not cumming out of fear. If that is the case, then I trust that these doctors, being the professionals that they are, would pick up on that and would address the issue themselves if they felt that was an issue. Anyway, I certainly wouldn’t want to see him have to go through the pain of having his head drilled like I did. I wouldn’t want to see him have to suffer in any way, but hopefully someday, someway, he’ll see that he can count on me to still love him and stand by him should he be unfortunate enough to ever have some trauma or big ordeal going on with him.

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 24, 1998 Ma’s car needs work done on it cuz it leaks oil. Just another thing that’s gotta be dealt with and that we gotta give our time to. The good thing about it is that Tom’s taken it into a shop to have them do it, so he doesn’t have to spend all the more time on it that he doesn’t have.

Although light, I finally did have a good flow there for a while and some cramps. So, I’d say that there’s nothing wrong with my cycle and that it’s normal for me for it to be the way it is.

Tom’s excuses and his stalling on entering some kind of fertility program don’t really bum me out as much these days. First off, I really don’t want to make my husband do something I know he doesn’t want to do, regardless of what he says and secondly, I guess I just realize there’s so much good in not having a child. I’d still take one if it could come, of course, but since it can’t, I focus more on the bright side of never having one, and in doing so, I can see all the good in it.

Tomorrow’s the day I hope to hell that all these mice are gone. That seems a little too good to be true, though, so maybe most of them will be gone at least. I figured God’s gotta make up for how easy it was to get rid of those I didn’t want the last time by having it take longer to get rid of these and by not being able to get rid of them all at once.

So far, so good. The reason I couldn’t do the Slim-Fast diet plan, which is so simple and is only a matter of one’s own will, was cuz of my intolerance to dairy products. I had been hesitant to try anything available for help with that cuz I was afraid it’d be BS like most things are. But so far, so good, thank God! I don’t seem to have the usual bloating, gas, and cramps that occur whenever I have dairy products.

Later…

Getting the last journal bound sure was a bitch. I kind of had to do it backward cuz it was too hard to get the paper onto the wire without something sturdy supporting it.

I’m also switching coffee to help against having sore tits every fucking month. I was lucky if I could get halfway through my cycle before having sore tits. And caffeine is the number one cause of that. So now I hopefully won’t have to have sore tits for 2 or 3 weeks before each period. I got regular decaf coffee that I’ll brew in the Malita. I make great cinnamon coffee, too, by adding a pinch of cinnamon to the grinds before watering them down.

Anyway, I’m gonna go and check out the last library book I have here.

Later…

The freeloader just let me know he was in for the night by two door slams, but not as bad of a slam as he could give me and it’s better than music.

Thank God I woke up when I did, cuz I’d have been woken up for damn sure what with the storm we had. My folks had this storm too, as did the whole country. There was lots of thunder and lightning, some rain, but boy were there huge pieces of hale! I thought it was gonna take out the living room window for a minute there and Tom and I had to shout to hear each other over it. The backyard was Memory Lane for me as it looked like when the snow is beginning to melt back east. Didn’t bother Bunny, though. Nonetheless, there were scattered thin patches of hale all over the place and it took a couple of hours for it to melt.

Here it goes again. It’s raining again out there.

In other news, Tom brought the 32 babies to the pet store and thankfully, the woman there thought they were so cute that she took them all. So, they’re on sale for $1.50 each and hopefully they’ll go to good homes with people who’ll love them. I was surprised they were selling for $1.50 and not $2.50. I thought $2.50 was what we paid for the original 3, but not according to Tom.

So, I scrubbed everything down, which took forever, and the smallest Play City cage that Mary gave me, finally cracked up. It had cracks in it for a while from normal wear and tear, but it finally demolished itself as I was trying to attach a tube to it.

So now I have 10 ladies - Shy, Ziggy, Tanner, Patch, Baby Patch, Tanner, Spot, Star, and the two Cocoas.

Just took a moment to appreciate and enjoy the peace and quiet from dogs till tomorrow morning. Just think, if that dog, or any dog, were next door right now, it’d be yipping away and all the more of a task it’d be to keep from running over there and beating the living shit out of them.

Later…

God, just give me a reason to need a hysterectomy! I still feel that that’d be the best thing since there’s no way I’ll ever have a child. That way I wouldn’t have to deal with periods, any more than I’d have to deal with going to the doctors and what it may do to our relationship. Is our love really strong enough to withstand all the testing and questions they’d ask us? Well, since I’m sort of scared to find out as much as I’d still like a child, I wouldn’t have to worry about getting up the guts to find out if I just needed a hysterectomy.

We all have things we want in life that we can never have by any means or under any circumstances. If I had that kid right now, I’d just have some other problem. Everyone has problems and if it isn’t this, it’s that.

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 23, 1998 Where’s White Feet? I haven’t seen her/him all day.

Just another day and hopefully all, if not most, of these damn baby mice will be gone. They stink! It’s not so much that they themselves stink, it’s all the piss. It smells like someone wet a bed in here and it’s just so gross. Another good thing about never being able to have a kid, too. Anyway, I changed the two cages that the babies are in, but not the adults and the two babies I’m keeping yet. It’s not as bad in here now.

I counted about $45 in change that I’ve been saving. I’d like to get a couple of new T-tubes and a couple of purple Snap-On wheels for the mice. I also want to pick up a few more bigger pairs of panties and a couple of pairs of bigger sweatpants. That’s all I really need for now till I’m bigger in a few months and need to get more.

So, now I’m just doing stomach and thigh exercises since those are my worst areas. Like I said, it’s not doing me a damn bit of good, but I’m doing them anyway.

Tom picked up a couple of new pairs of jeans for himself today and I think I’ll treat him to a new robe if he wants one. His is rather old and worn.

Later…

Just thought I’d take a break from reading. I can see myself delving into true crime stories for a while until I find more supernatural suspense stories. The parts that are boring, though, are the trials. Whenever a trial is written within a story, you already know the story anyway. So I skim through those parts. What surprised me, though, is that the library only has one little section of true crime stories. With all the crime in this world, you’d think there’d be stacks and stacks worth of this shit. I want to try to find books about cases I’m less familiar with. That way, I’m learning something new along the way. Or more things that are new, anyway, but it’s the big cases that get turned into books and movies. And we already know about people like Amy Fisher and Jeffrey Dahmer through news reports and people talking.

I went and looked and was wrong about having two more journals like this to print up. Yes, I do have two more like this, but then there’s another one that’s a little different. It’s got more pages and is the same width, but is a little shorter.

It’s too bad Andy got me two a while back and I told him not to buy me more cuz of having the equipment for journal-making. He said he found them on sale at Walmart, where I got 4 of the ones I’m printing, for just a couple bucks each, and wanted to get me about 20 of them. That’s really sweet of him, but they’re just not needed now.

Later…

White Feet’s out there now. Guess she went exploring. Although I do think he’s a he. I think Blackie’s a she, though.

I’m giving that hair removal system another try. I removed tit hairs and some from my lower belly, but I still think it’s a crock. We’ll see, though.

I also chatted with Andy for a while. As tired as he was, he’d have gladly spoken with me for hours, but after an hour we hung up. He understands. I’m just now beginning to be able to not think of smoking when on the phone, but I’m still not the phoneaholic I used to be and that he still is.

All in all, I’d say it took 3 months till it began getting easier. Now I don’t remember smoking in everything I do and I don’t miss it every other minute anymore.

I told Andy that if he felt he just had to get something for my last birthday, to just get some 70s CDs whenever in doubt of what to get me. It’s the thought that counts, but Andy likes to get presents, too, when he can.

Anyway, the wonderful thing about Andy is that so far, every day this year, he’s been in a great mood. I’m so glad for him. He had enough misery, anxiety and depression. He’s still without love, but he’s making good money at work and is happy and glad to be alive.

I told him that Marla said she’d be sending his birthday present. She sent a message as she does periodically at this time of year. She works in the school’s office with a boss from hell, as she says, and what with two kids, she doesn’t have much time for email.

Later…

Guess Tom will be home in just over an hour. That is unless they make him stay late. He’s hoping for a job within the bank that’ll give him more predictable hours. Yeah, but my schedule will still be unpredictable in most ways and we’ll still never know when and if we can spend much time together. The good thing about it, though, is that it makes our time together all the more special.

The cats are doing a better job lately of respecting my hospitality and they’re not banging on the door every second at night, but now it’s time for their last can of food for the day. White Feet must be hungry. Then I’ll probably just read till it’s bedtime.

A part of me is not looking forward to returning to writing journals by hand since I’ve found reading as a good way to fill in the time I’m not writing by hand since typing is so much faster. Well, it is for me, anyway. I can type almost as fast as I talk, and I talk kind of fast. Maybe I’ll think of some project for the last 5 I’ll be writing. I’d fill Andy’s with all kinds of gibberish for Bob, but the prison officials wouldn’t allow something like that sent in. Or they’d say it was OK, then return it to me saying it’s not OK after I took all that time writing it. I wish Nervous was still alive or some sucker like that that’d read it through. If Nervous was alive and still obsessed with me, he would, but the more stable people I know like Kim, probably wouldn’t have time to read it all and may even get bored with it.

Got a boring Bob letter today with the same old, same old. He still writes once in a while, and I can’t say I wish he’d write more, either.

Speaking of reading, I still have to resume the proofreading of my journals. I’ve got about 30 left to go.

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 22, 1998 In my letter to Larry, I told him something I’d been contemplating telling him. I finally said fuck it, if he’s got a problem with what I told him, tough shit. I just wanted to spare him any possible surprises in the future. So, I told him that I respect his relationship with Ronnie G, wouldn’t want to change that, and would’ve maybe kept in touch with him throughout the years if he could’ve let the past be in the past, but since he hasn’t been able to leave the past in the past and chooses to ignore me, he’s gonna have to do so in all aspects of my life. Meaning, I know I can’t force him to associate with me, but he can’t be at mom or dad’s funerals, cuz if I’m there, I do intend to physically remove him, I told him. I also told him that as far as I’m concerned, none of the problems I’ve had with Ronnie in the past, have a damn thing to do with us. Not unless he wants to make it have anything to do with us. I’m sure he’ll take it in an understanding way, but like I said, if he doesn’t, that’s his choice. We all have to do what we have to do.

Tom got a big piece of cardboard that he says will cut easily. This is what we’re gonna hopefully use to make journal covers. I prefer hardcovers, but if it turns out that making hardcovers is that much of a bitch, then I’ll just use soft covers.

Later…

I explored some more Microsoft spreadsheets, databases, templates, etc., and I printed out one of their ready-laid-out floral envelopes.

Did lots of reading, too.

Maybe I’ll send Paula a letter for the hell of it since it’s been a while. What the hell’s that girl’s problem? Why’s it so hard to get in touch with me? Well, I always did say Paula was a ditz for a reason.

Shelly still continues to choose to have no contact with me. For all I know, she could’ve forgotten and lost anything with my name and number on it, but this is doubtful. Shelly’s not like Paula. She does have a brain in her head. I also don’t really think that she chooses to not contact me cuz of the past. I think it’s more personal. I think there’s something about me personally that bugs her.

Still nothing from Anne or Harry, either, but after hearing from them that one time after the first letter I sent since being out here, I kind of figured deep down that would be it. No pictures or any more letters from there on out, but I’m glad I sent them the pictures of Tom and I that I scanned. Of course, the pictures I scanned for them were before I got so big.

I’ve been doing stomach exercises regularly for over a week now and by now I should begin to notice a slight difference, but I don’t. See I’m telling you, and I vibe it strongly, God doesn’t want me to lose weight. Or to tone up for that matter. Now that I’m not running around asking, “How the hell am I ever gonna get off these damn cigarettes?” anymore, he just has to make sure I have a replacement and am now running around asking, “How the fuck am I ever gonna lose weight?” Well, I ain’t giving him the satisfaction no more.

Later…

We had our bi-weekly, but this time weekly fun in bed. I faked an orgasm and he pulled out saying that’s just his liking variety, but I’m pretty sure he just couldn’t get into it, either. We love each other dearly, but the sex has just gotten rather old. If there’s anything that is normal about our sex, though, it’s that that’s a common thing for couples who’ve been together longer than a year. It still sounds so funny coming from me. I mean, I just never thought I’d be able to say I’ve been with someone for nearly 5 years. It’s a good feeling, though. Especially when it’s with someone you love so very much that you’ve been with despite the suspicions on one or two subjects I’ve had about him, it’s been a great relationship and I believe we’ll be together forever. Our number one goal in life is the same and that is to be together forever.

For the last two months or so, it seems my sexual drive has lowered itself, but I can’t say it’s worth complaining about. Cuz of our busyness and schedules, we cannot have sex regularly. And also, it helps curb the baby desires for some strange reason.

My period is doing some strange things again, although not as strange as last month. Again, there’s no way I could be pregnant, but does this have anything to do with why I’m so fat? I was fat in my late teens due to not getting periods cuz of that Navane garbage I was on. I’m not spotting like last month, but it’s off to a very, very slow start. It’s still not normal. I should have a full flow by now and I know I’ll get one without a doubt in my mind, but still, I should either have a period or not have a period. Not kind of or intermittently, so to speak.

The freeloaders were quiet all weekend, so I won’t be stirring up any late-night noise, although one of these days, I may just stoop myself as low as they are and do shit without a reason, but it’s hard. See, I have a conscience and I’d personally feel guilty about bothering someone that either never did shit to me, or that has been quiet lately. So, I put Tom’s basketball back in his closet for now. The damn thing’s so heavy, too. No wonder they’re so loud and obnoxious sounding.

Tom got a new pedal for his car racing games on the computer, so he’s happy. It’s nice to see him on the computer more than at the TV.

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 21, 1998 I weighed myself both before and after having a beef patty. I was a pound heavier after having the patty. I really am running on no metabolism here and there’s absolutely nothing I can do to up it. I could maybe, just maybe, if I jogged in place or something like that for 5 hours every day, but that’s not gonna happen, so this is just yet another bodily function I have no control over, just like with the sterility, that I have to just learn to accept and live with. It’s hard, though. It really is hard at times to deal with.

Great news! But first - just as I vibed, we won’t be getting rid of the mice till Tuesday and we may not be getting rid of all of them, either. That girl Shayla, said 32 mice are too many for her, but if worse came to worse, she’d take them. I think this other store that Tom was on the outskirts of the city will take about 20 of them, but Tom said he felt they may take them all.

Tom got an all-black guinea pig out near Scottsdale today! It’s a male and the lady at the store said he was 12 weeks old, but he seems more like 6 weeks to me. Anyway, I guess he was born sometime at the end of ‘97. He’s so adorable, but here’s something new that I’ve never seen or heard of done on GPs before. Well, he has an earring on one ear. It’s a little silver staple-like thing, similar to a leg band that a bird would wear. Because of his jet-black, velvety fur, which is softer than any other GPs I ever felt, I’ve been calling him Velvet. He’s really gung-ho on burying himself in my hair, this one, and is eating already, but is still too timid for the usual chattering they do when you take them out and pat them. When I say that he’s eating already, I mean that they usually don’t eat much on their first day or two in a new home. At first, Tom thought of Lightening as a possible name for him cuz he’s so fast and curious with the way he looks all around him, but before settling on Velvet, I thought to myself, Well, I’m not gonna call him the N pig, and giggled to myself. Andy, by the way, thought the name I addressed their letter to, was hilarious as all hell. He too, calls people certain names just to vent, but we know there are just as many white assholes and if these sick fucks were white, I’d call them some other names to vent my anger. This is why, though, these freeloaders have so many friends. Cuz most people are assholes, therefore, you’d fit in just fine with most people if you were one, too. But people like Tom and I choose not to have so many friends, cuz we don’t care for most people’s ways. I don’t need to associate with these liars, thieves, head players, etc.

My hope/guess that they’d back off after freaking out on me last weekend has been the case so far. I heard his car door, so I know he came and went the usual 4 to 6 times, but no music or ball games. Even the door slamming’s been way, way better. They used to slam their doors much harder and many times in a row, too.

I wonder where the fuck this dude goes every weekend so many times. Does he ever just stay in all day ever? He probably goes off to see his phony guy pals.

Still no dog over there and I’ll continue to enjoy every minute that there isn’t, cuz it’s just a matter of time now.

Speaking of animals, that bitch of a cat is pregnant again, as figured. Tom thinks she’ll take off and have them elsewhere so that these two kittens don’t kill them if either of them is male. It’s a male cat’s instinct, for reasons I can’t comprehend, to kill kittens. I think she will have them here and that if White Feet or Blackie are males, they won’t kill them. I think they’re too tame now to do that, instinct or not, but God will do what he feels is best. If he wants me to take care of them, he’ll make sure they live and are here in our yard. However, if they were born here and not killed by White Feet or Blackie, I think I’d be tempted to break their little necks myself. We don’t need no cat farm out there. The 3 cats we have are more than enough, on top of birds, mice, a rabbit, and a GP.

Tom got a new word processor, but as of yet, I’m not impressed with it. So for now, I’ll keep using the one I’ve been using.

We made a really neat spreadsheet of all the animals. The spreadsheet consisted of their description, names, DOB, and type, but we pretty much had to guess on some of the DOBs.

Later…

The oldest babies are now officially sexually active. I knew that the moment I heard screeching sounds. The ladies obviously don’t like to screw, cuz they run and squeak like hell when the males go to jump them.

My period’s beginning and so far seems to be more normal than the last one was.

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 20, 1998 Well, that dreaded weekend has arrived. I’m gonna hope that cuz they just took a fit last weekend and cuz they don’t want to be reminded that I exist as I think they know they will be if they act up, they’ll give me a break this weekend, but we’ll see.

The fact that I can never have a kid and that I can’t lose weight still bothers me here and there. I’m now enjoying the last of the 120s, cuz I know that it’s just a matter of time before the 120s are a thing of the past. Hell, I’ll wish to hell I was 127! Especially when I’m something like 145.

Why is God doing this to me? Why won’t he let exercising take to me? It’s helped my back to feel better, but it hasn’t made me one bit firmer or any smaller. He just won’t let it work for me. Instead, I’m wasting my time and going against his plans for me, but why has he got it in his plans for me to be heavy? What’s the point? Is it to pay for all the years I was thin? And why is it that I have to pay for any good thing I get in this life? Can’t he just give me something without slapping a price on it? Without expecting something in return?

Meanwhile, I just try to tell myself he knows best and that it’s for a good reason; not all necessarily a punishment or compensation. It helps to ease my fears about his power and his ways.

Tom once told me that he’s so absent-minded that he sometimes forgets to do the things he wants to do. In other words, what he’s trying to say is, don’t mind him if he “forgets” to do something regarding the fact that we can’t have a child.

He’s already putting off and making excuses, saying it’s an all-day thing to get us set up with new doctors. True or not, if it’s worth it to him, he’ll do it. He’ll find the time for it.

Given the freak chance that there’s a procedure available that they could do to impregnate me, and given the one in a million chance that God let it stay there for 9 months, you’re talking at least two years. So, there’s no use in worrying if we should wait till we move to have a kid if God decided we should have that choice, cuz that’d be about how long all the testing and procedures would take.

As for my weight, in the meantime, that just keeps on going up slowly but surely, I have no logical explanation for it other than that it’s God’s will. I’m not eating like a pig and I am exercising, so my metabolism shouldn’t be as slow as it apparently is unless some higher power is manipulating it. I don’t have symptoms of a whacked-out thyroid, which is about the only medical cause for weight gain that I can think of.

And as much as I’d be thrilled to have a kid yesterday and know that we could obtain one the natural way, I agree with Tom when he said he hoped I wasn’t pregnant. If the new research is correct and not all hype, then the few cigarettes I had could cause it to have asthma. They’re saying that smoking early on in pregnancy causes asthma.

Well, even though my last period was screwy in the way that I was spotting for 3 days prior to a slow buildup to somewhat of a full flow, it was still enough to take a baby out. It’d be too much for it to survive, cuz the more you bleed, the less likely it is to be able to hang on as the currents of blood flush it out.

If I have another screwy period, then maybe there’s something else going on like with my hormones. That’s something God would screw with, too. Yeah, leave it to him to mess with my hormones, something that’s important in reproducing.

On the other hand, my abnormality isn’t so abnormal in a sense. Whenever there’s a family of more than two kids, there’s always one that can’t have kids. Or that won’t have kids, like Andy.

Later…

Right now, trying to read isn’t very easy. I’m stressed out and having trouble concentrating, cuz I know that any second, some scum-sucking, rude, selfish, lonely asshole, could blast by and distract me.

I think our little filthy black beast is in for the night, though. I think I heard a door that sounded within the carport and it is unlikely for them to have company on a Friday night. I wish this weather, as dreary as it is, would continue on throughout the weekend, but as is the case 99 out of 100 weekends, the weather’s gonna be great. It’s just that while they don’t like it as much when it’s not hot, they hate it even more when it’s rainy out. At least there’s no dog over there cuz if there was one over there right now, I’d be forced to listen to it right now for another hour or two. After having to listen to a dog over there with this sick fuck twice, there isn’t a day that goes by that I’m not thankful that there’s no dog over there. I don’t take it for granted.

Weekends, however, are notorious for loud stereos zinging by.

So, even though 3 hours of basketball is more likely in the summer (and this was also to bait me to see if they could catch me doing something for their rude noise, on top of bugging me) God still may send some other kid that doesn’t even know them to play ball for a while and they won’t run out and shoo them away, either.

Well, maybe they’ll leave me the fuck alone this weekend, seeing how they just let me have 3 hours of being made to acknowledge them and seeing how I didn’t do anything but believe me, I kill them with my bare fists every day in my mind.

Another reason that keeps them together longer than most couples, is how he’s so weak, insecure, and young. She’s a middle-aged bitch, and while she doesn’t have her shit anymore together than he does, he needs her to hold his hand and she needs someone to dominate. I know people well enough to be able to see this. I could tell from day one, and I think I made reference to this in these journals, that she was a little dominatrix of a bitch, while he was her phony little boy toy who loves every minute of her having him wrapped around her finger. Some people like that and they like to feel “owned” and bossed around. He probably couldn’t break free of her so easily if he wanted to. It’s more or less one of those addictive relationships. And as for her, he’s an object to dominate, use, and order around. He’s her sex, he’s her rides at times, he’s extra dough, he’s someone to dictate what to do so she can feel in control.

Now here’s a positive compensation for his being in the picture for this winter, and that’s that I haven’t had to run a fan constantly in the back room, cuz of the two guard dogs. At this time of year, they’re usually pretty out of control and barking up a vicious storm, but this winter has been the first winter I’ve been here where the situation wasn’t too bad.

Later…

I took a reading break, and now it’s time for a writing break. I’ve basically been bouncing back and forth between reading and writing today. The weather’s called for it. I mean, today’s the classic day for just lounging about, but so as not to feel too lazy, I’ve done some exercising in the midst of it.

Each of the 3 books I’ve got deals with cases of true crime.

The first one dealt with two teenage girls who were both raped, one was also killed, by two older teenage boys in a small town in Vermont.

The one I’m currently reading is about a woman so obsessed with this married guy, that she kills his wife. It’s one of those Betty Broderick fatal attraction stories.

The last one that I’ll read is about a woman stalked and raped twice by the same guy, and of the system that just doesn’t give a damn about shit like that.

These freeloaders’ reaction is so typical too, in their suspecting I bottled their carport, etc. Got to go run to the courts and expect them to play mommy and daddy. What is it with people and thinking that the courts can solve their problems with people? I just don’t get it. I know that if I have a problem with someone personally, then they are the ones to deal with. I believe in confronting the source directly and not having someone do it for me.

OK, enough about the naughty freeloaders for now. Back to my reading.

Later…

I’m heating up a cup of tea from the pot of tea that I made earlier, then it’s back to my reading. God! I couldn’t even read this much on Oswego St.

In case I never described the Mama Bitch and her kitties, the bitch is gray and white, White Feet’s black and white, and Blackie’s black.

I decided to keep two of the babies I liked that fortunately turned out to be females. One’s got a splotch of white on her back, so I call her Star. The other has a partially formed patch over one eye and I call her Baby Patch. So, that’s 10 mice. Ziggy, Shy, Spot, Tanner, Star, Patch, Baby Patch, Bandit, and the two Cocoas that are all brown and indistinguishable from one another.

Later…

And now I’ve gained another pound. Why? Why? Why? I’ve been exercising every day just about and haven’t been eating a pile of junk food or poorly, so what the fuck’s going on? Well, obviously there’s nothing I can do about it and I certainly can’t be pregnant what with pre-cramps that I’ve got. No problem with God answering my prayers that I not be pregnant at this time due to the cigarettes I had. No problem whatsoever. In fact, I should know better than to pray for something like that. Like it was even necessary for me to pray for something like that?! I don’t think so! I wish there really was something wrong with me that’s causing all this weight gain, cuz that’d be simpler, and then perhaps I could do something about it, but I know better. There’s nothing wrong with me, there’s nothing I can do about this, and I just have to live with it.

I got a letter from Kim today. She’s not doing too well. Her uncle died and she’s been laid off. She’s still alone, too, the poor girl.

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 19, 1998 All's well and good today as of yet. No freeloader shit, or anything else, although I can't say for sure how the weekend will be. I'm sure they'll do something to bother me.

Steven's flown over for a visit and Tom got to see him this morning after work.

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 18, 1998 Now here’s something I never do - fall asleep for 7 hours after only being up for 8 hours. I guess Tom’s theory for it must be right. I wasn’t fully over my cold like I had thought and had been doing a lot. Yeah, I was doing a lot, and that included a rigorous half-hour workout.

Later…

I slept again from 3 AM - 8 AM. Now I’m frying up some chicken and then I’ll work out.

The freeloader wasn’t a problem yesterday that I know of, so maybe, just maybe, they do hear me when I bang late at night and are like OK, OK. We want our peace and sleep so we’ll shut up for a while. I don’t know. We’ll just have to see what happens, but it’s a rather depressing thought to know I’m stuck with them a few feet away from me for two more years. Like a fly buzzing around my head that I just can’t get rid of. That’ll total 4 years of having the stress of these sick fucks on me, except for that time he took off for about half a year and only visited weekly or biweekly. I should’ve known, too, that he’d be back. I’ll tell you one thing for sure, and that’s that I won’t be using headphones all the time anymore, whether they can hear it or not. One thing I learned about Arizona is - don’t give a fuck about your neighbors, cuz they won’t give a fuck about you.

Later…

OK, I just ate, but am gonna wait a little bit before working out. I don’t want an upset stomach.

I just gave my 3 cats some chicken. Fortunately, though, Mama Bitch, as I now call her, doesn’t hang out there as much as the kittens. I’m feeding them again for two reasons. One is that they just won’t go away, and the other is cuz I don’t think it was just chance that sent them to me. I think God sent them to me cuz he knew I could handle it and cuz he wanted me to take care of them.

I’m going to have to make a very serious personal decision a couple of weeks from now. I’m really tired of how I keep outgrowing my clothes every few months and want to put a stop to this weight gain, even if I can’t lose weight. If another couple of weeks of having meat or poultry every day and exercising doesn’t produce results, I’m then gonna have to decide whether or not I just want to keep on living with it, enter a weight loss program, or go back to smoking. I just know that in the end, I’m gonna have to decide if I want to breathe more or be thin more. Smoking may be something I’ll have to get used to again and cause me to wheeze again and have to take inhalers regularly, and be a bit costly, but I do miss the vice; the act of smoking. And if I’m just gonna be fat and miss them, maybe I ought to just smoke and be thin. I miss being thin and the costs kind of come out the same if you add up the costs of the new clothes I have to buy from the weight gain. Or maybe it’ll stop any further weight gain. I just know that God’s not gonna let me have my cake and eat it too. It’s one or the other. Either I must be heavy, or I must wheeze away. Maybe I should smoke a few months here and there, who knows? At least now I know I can quit. As long as I have Tom’s support, the Nicorette gum for 12 weeks, and regular gum in between, I can do it. Then when the pounds add up again, I can smoke again.

Later…

I had Tom get me a pack of smokes. Once again, I feel a bit nauseous and there’s a foul taste in my mouth. I wonder how I did these things for so long and why I felt so compelled to get started and stick it out long enough to get used to these things in the first place. Guess living with my mother and psycho foster parents and funny farms was really tough, but nonetheless, it was I who put the damn things to my lips. My first relapse taught me it was better to miss them than to smoke. This one’s taught me to just take the fat. I don’t think I can get back into these things no matter how hard I try. So I just have to accept the fact that just like I can’t have everything I want in life, it’s either smoke and choke or be fat. I also feel kind of guilty and like I’m letting Tom down and throwing away all that hard work. After all, it was just beginning to get easier. I wasn’t missing my cigarettes nearly as much and when I did, it was OK. I could deal with it.

So, I’ll keep on exercising and eating at least one good meal a day as Tom and I agreed, then when I get to the 140 pounds I know I’ll get to, I’ll decide then if I just want to live with it, or if I should see a doctor and check out a weight loss program. I just don’t see what they can do for me that I can’t do for myself or that I haven’t already done. I think that if it were that easy and even possible to lose weight, your average person wouldn’t be overweight like they are. Maybe being fat isn’t the end of the world as long as I make sure I get new clothes every 3 months and be punctual about it so I don’t have to deal with the frustration of clothes that don’t fit for longer periods of time like I have been. I’ve been putting off getting new clothes and that’s not good. But like I said, perhaps being big is a small price to pay in order to be able to breathe, and new clothes, even every few months, can’t add up to the cost of cigarettes if I just get a few cheap things. I’m now a non-smoker, like it or not. Something I only dreamed of being for years, so yes, God does answer some of my dreams and you know what? It’s OK if he doesn’t answer my kid dream. I told Tom that if he said the word, I’d go to a doctor with him and I still would if it’s what he wants and if we can fit it into our lives, but as long as I have my husband and the ability to breathe and not have to live in fear of bad asthma attacks, I’ll be OK with no child. We’re going to be busy with my teeth, with moving, with family, and more. Also, if I took up smoking again, I couldn’t hide it from Andy, my folks, and Lisa forever. I could live with Andy and my dad getting on my ass about it, but it’d be much harder for me to live with Lisa knowing about it. We promised each other not to smoke and I can’t say for sure if she’s not smoking or ever will if she really isn’t, but I know how useless it is to tell a child not to smoke, while you’re sitting there puffing away. I was once that child being told that while her parents smoked. And her big sister. And her big brother.

I will also not touch a drop of alcohol again after finishing the 4 wine coolers I’ve got. There’s no reason to be drinking. I don’t need no substitutes no more. Just my gum.

I’ll ask Tom to please not mention my relapse to anyone, either. He can tell his side of the family whatever he wants, but I’m talking about Andy and the family on my side. There’s no need to get them all upset over a few smokes.

Later…

Apparently, the freeloader isn’t coming in for lunch these days and that’s just fine with me. However, it came and went at 10:30. There was no music, but I heard the kid cry. I still wonder why his hours are so weird. There is a pattern and a schedule, but there’s not. Anyway, we’ll just have to see how the fuck comes in at the end of the day.

I guess I’ll go read now and then maybe listen to some music. Mine, that is.

Later…

I managed to bind and close the previous book up, but I did do it a bit backward. I was supposed to load the paper onto the wire first, then attach it to the binder, but instead, I attached it to the binder, then loaded the paper. Oh well. It’s no biggie. I’ll just know better for the next 3 journals.

I’m gonna change colors every day in this book. I’ll use black, magenta, blue, dark cyan, red, dark green, dark red, and purple

Sounds like the freeloader’s not doing music, but is back to his door-slamming routine. Well, since they obviously are so adamant about my knowing they exist, I’ll take doors over music. At least he’s in for the night, cuz that was definitely an inside-the-carport slam.

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 17, 1998 No freeloader noise today yet, but now that my cold's over, I'm left with the daily allergy attacks. I had to take Benadryl, so now I'll be drowsy.

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 16, 1998 Yesterday we went to the library. I suggested it spontaneously, but we were a half-hour early before they were to open. We stopped at a dollar store to kill time and I got a palm tree photo album, colorful hair ties, and vanilla lip gloss. At the library, I got a few books on true crime. Tom didn’t find anything interesting.

We went to Staples too, where we got a program that types the words you speak, but it’s not very good. It doesn’t do very well at getting the right word. Sometimes it doesn’t even put words that are even close to what I say.

We also experimented with the puncher and crushed wires shut to make little booklets. I over-crushed mine a bit, but he did a fine job.

Then we returned just in time for a 3-hour ballgame next door, all in regard to me for damn sure.

Before I get into the fucking freeloaders and their latest shit, let me just say that I had my tooth filled today and early next month, they’ll take photos and do molds for the brackets, as well as pull the baby tooth. Then a week after that, they’ll put the brackets on.

The only good thing I can say in regard to the ball game 3 feet from the bedroom window is that it wouldn’t have woken me up with the fan added to the sound machine. Nonetheless, the bitch had two carloads of kids come over just to harass me (he wasn’t there throughout all this, though). I know it’s to bait me (as well as to piss me the fuck off). I noticed that the window that overlooks their carport had its blinds open, so I think they planned this with the hopes of catching me doing something in retaliation on videotape, so they could try harder to seek legal action against me. Their motives are rather obvious to me and also, the freeloader banged in and out today at around 1:30. He came in, then left two minutes later. It wasn’t too loud, it wouldn’t have woken me up, but it was still an obvious “I’m here” and “I’m leaving now” from this bastard.

Anyway, they’re not gonna get what they want as far as me doing something illegal for them on tape, but I wasn’t kidding when I said they were gonna have to hear me too, and be reminded that I exist too, and I can be noisy too, and I can force them to listen to me. Tom has an old basketball and I’ll be slamming that around the back patio and blaring music myself. Tom told me that this would make them louder, not cuz it bothers them since noise doesn’t bother them cuz they’re noisy people themselves, but cuz it’s me. So them being reminded of my presence would piss them off into making more noise. They’d use that as an excuse. Well, maybe he’s right. However, I don’t think these people need a so-called excuse to be noisy. I think they just don’t give a shit and that they’ll do whatever they’re gonna do, with or without an excuse. I was never noisy in the past to cause them to use that as an excuse to be noisy, so why would they need one now?

Well, just two more years. Just two more years of being forced to know when he’s coming and going, etc. And just two more years of being forced to feed 3 cats. They just won’t go away, so I’m feeding them to keep them off my ass. I’m getting more and surer that we’re stuck with them as neighbors till we’re out of here. Once you get a subsidized house, you don’t give it up. That bitch had to wait years for this and besides, where would they go? They’ll hang onto this house as long as they can unless they win the lottery and can get something better. Then two years after we’ve moved, God can replace me with something else, just like he replaced my healthier lungs with all this fat, etc. As Tom agrees, that’s just life. If you don’t have problems A, B or C, you have problems D, E and F.

Later…

I can’t sleep yet so I thought I would write. Right now I’m using the voice program that types what I say. It’s still not very good. I was doing some reading earlier, but now I am experimenting with this thing.

I’m still very pissed off about next door. I’m so fucking sick of their shit so I gave them a little bit of ball bouncing and I also played them a little segment of Rick and Nervous arguing. Prior to doing this, I had my music blasting. However, I’m virtually positive that they didn’t hear a damn thing. I don’t know if it’s just a matter of God’s will or if it’s something about this house and how it’s built. It shocked the shit out of me that they couldn’t hear it, but I went around to the side of the house and it was just a faint whisper. They’d practically have to be told that someone was playing music in here and still have to strain their ears to hear it in the middle of their fucking carport. I would think that out of the three different sources of noise that I stuck them with, it would be the basketball that they’d be most likely to have heard. They’re just on the wrong side of the house, so to speak. If we were in their house and they were in ours, that’d be a whole different story. Then I could really harass the shit out of them. But due to the angles of the two house’s setups, there’s just no way I can make myself as heard as they are.

It also may have not been a very smart thing to play that particular conversation between Rick and Nervous. This is because of how it’s got to do with harassing phone calls. Remember, we shouldn’t have any way of knowing that they were behind the phone calls to us because no one here is supposed to have sent any hate mail to them. It would also sound a lot less like there were two guys arguing that were out back live if one guy was telling the other that he’d be driving over to his place in 10 minutes.

Well, this was fun experimenting with this gadget and it’s definitely different, but I can type this 100 times faster and with 100 more times accuracy.

Right now things are pretty active in Mouse Land. Almost all wheels are being used at the moment.

I’m going to chat with Andy sometime tomorrow. In his last message to me, he said something about Laura and Gary wanting to move out at the end of the month. If they really do move, he’ll have more in the way of rent and bills, naturally, but then he won’t have to put up with what goes with having roommates.

OK, now I’m going to sign off.

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 15, 1998 Just left Andy a happy birthday message. Now I’ll cover from where I last left off before we went out yesterday, till now.

I saw that it rained like hell when we got up today at around 5 AM. We’re supposed to get a Pacific storm sweeping through for today and tomorrow. I always like it to rain around here on weekends. It lessens the chance of any outside activities, even if there’s less chance of that at this time of year from the freeloader.

I got around to talking to Tammy, who admits Bill abused the kids to some extent but didn’t want to get into it. She also said, “Believe me, I’m doing what’s best,” when she said he has visitation rights, but how can that be? How can she be doing what’s best by letting a guy see her kids every day that hits them?

Tom got the paper puncher and the wires for journal-making but hasn’t found the cardboard for making the covers yet (not corrugated paper that we call a “cardboard” box).

Tom picked me up some library books while I was sick. As sweet as that was of him, I didn’t like any of the books, so we’ll go again together sometime soon and I’ll get something else.

We went to 6 different pet stores yesterday to look at GPs. One store was closed and the others had ugly or boring pigs. As for the mice, I decided to keep the 8 ladies I’ve got - Ziggy, Tanner, Patch, Spot, Shy, Bandit, and the two Cocoas. This way they won’t stink as much, I won’t have to change the cages every few days, and it’ll be easier to deal with. I think 8 mice is enough, after all.

Sorry, God. You can compensate me, but you can’t win on this one. Back when we had the waterbed, I’d sometimes feel a pressure-like discomfort when we’d screw lying on our sides. Now, instead of feeling that with this bed, I have more irritation at the opening. We screwed today which was the 2nd time in about a month, and I was so irritated that I almost yelled out in pain and stopped him. How can I have this much irritation after so little sex? I can’t obviously, so obviously it’s something up there that insists there’s always a problem with sex. If it’s not with my partner, it’s with me, but there’s gotta be some issue about it.

I was both shocked and not shocked that he came like hell today. He always claimed that he couldn’t cum as well if he were too excited and built up and that he’s gotta do it regularly to cum more, but I think it’s just one of his many excuses. The reasons I’m not shocked are cuz it’s not prime time and cuz I told him I preferred it nowadays when he doesn’t cum cuz it’s less messy. He’s an opposite doer, so if I tell him I prefer he didn’t cum, he’ll cum. Don’t get me wrong - this doesn’t mean he’s gonna cum more than the once every two weeks to two months that he usually does. It’s just that last night when I told him this, he responded by saying that we can’t always get what we want. So, he knew he was gonna cum today. He made up his mind to and planned to last night, but it was fine. It didn’t make nearly the mess I thought it would and I didn’t have to change the sheets. If I did, though, it wouldn’t kill me, either.

Later…

Andy told me something he said I wouldn’t believe. Well, I do believe it, cuz it’s become rather obvious even to me, that he’s just cursed in the workplace. It’s too bad he’s afraid of change, cuz it may be time for him to try some other line of work, not that he can’t/won’t encounter trouble elsewhere. Anyway, once again, he’s fighting with coworkers and this other waitress ran to the manager claiming he sexually harassed her. Well, I know Andy wouldn’t hit on a guy he’s not interested in and he certainly wouldn’t hit on a woman, so that tells me something. That tells me that this girl’s using his gayhood as a weapon/excuse to claim he’s a pervert so he can be fired. The manager threatened to fire him if there were any more problems, but so far he’s still there.

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 14, 1998 If what Lisa told me is true, I really want to shake my sister and say, hey! Do something to protect your kids! Bill’s been coming around hitting Lisa with Tammy right there to see it and she’s not doing shit about it. Lisa said something about her being afraid to lose the kids, but I would think that Tammy wouldn’t lose them for reporting an abusive husband. As long as she herself isn’t doing anything wrong, why should she lose them? If he’s doing violence, then he’s doing criminal behavior and he should be arrested. He shouldn’t be allowed to see them.

My question is, why isn’t Tammy doing anything about this? If she knew he was hitting the kids, why wasn’t she contacting the authorities? Or beating the snot out of him? And why is she letting him near them?

Well, if Tammy, Lisa, or the system won’t take proper measures to get this guy out of their lives, maybe God will have his lymphoma kick in and kill him, but I doubt that. God loves a guy like this. He’ll do all he can to protect him and ensure he lives a full enough life.

The whole thing just burns me up, though! I could kill this guy! And how could my sister be so stupid and not do anything about this?

Well, hopefully I’ll catch Tammy soon enough, cuz she said she’d fill me in on what’s going on, and then I’ll see if I can casually bring up Bill without sounding obvious and see what she says is the case. I believe Lisa, though. I can tell by her tone of voice, her choice of words, etc., that she’s sincere about what’s been going on and most kids wouldn’t lie about that, either.

No freeloader trouble yet, but it’s early. These things don’t peak till afternoon. I had a dream they got the dog back that they had before, but hopefully it’ll stay just a dream. If they don’t get a dog of some kind within a few weeks to a month, then I’d stick with my original guess of their getting a dog around late June to early July. They hate it when it’s not really hot, so they’d prefer to go out to feed it in the heat than they would in the colder weather. I know this could very well mean asking for more noise as a replacement, but I just wish they’d move the fuck on out of here!

Tom’s gone out to get the equipment to make journals. He’s gone to get the paper puncher, the wires, and maybe pressed paper, too (the material that covers are made of). I don’t know yet if we’ll get a laminating machine.

He’ll be back in about 20 minutes, then we’ll be going to see what guinea pigs are around.

He installed a motion sensor light in the garage, so now he doesn’t have to walk through a dark garage to open the garage door, then walk through the dark to get to his car. It’ll be nice for me, too, for when we go out at night. In the past, he’d put the high beams on so I could see, but they weren’t as helpful as these lights will be.

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 13, 1998 Well, I don’t thank God it’s Friday, contrary to what the bulk of the population would think, but I’ve never part of the bulk of the population for the most part, anyway. I’m glad that Tom will be off, but that’s about it, cuz I’d think that two quiet weekends in a row would be just a dream. Well, we’ll just have to wait and see what they do. The longer they don’t know I haven’t been served, the longer it’ll be before they start up, but it’s not gonna be long, anyhow. If I remember correctly, it wasn’t more than two weeks between the time the butch and Stacey had me served, till we met in court.

Anyway, I feel a million times better. Yesterday I really felt like shit, all the way up till a few hours ago. My throat hurt like hell and my nose was all stuffed up. I slept on and off from noon yesterday till 3:00 this morning.

I hope I can still make it to the dentist’s appointment.

Later…

Tom just called from work to say hi, since their machines got all fouled up and he has to wait.

Today he’s bringing Ma to get these little shots in her face that help with scar tissue, then he’ll be in at noon, and he says the weekend’s clear. He’s gonna go to the track on Saturday, but that’s it.

Tweety’s singing away to the washer. I’m washing out sheets, blankets, and a few odds and ends. Just like I could do things to make Shadow meow and my pigs squeak, I can make Tweety sing, by crinkling plastic or with any steady crackling or water sounds. It’s pretty neat, but I wish God would kill these cats!

Later…

I printed out about 47 pages of this journal and it took forfuckingever! I didn’t realize it’d take that long.

I called to say hi to Tammy. She was just headed out the door but said to call her later and she’ll fill me in. At least she still sounds happy. I’ve never heard her sound so happy and positive. It’s about goddamn time, as I said before! It’s too bad that Tammy has to always be associated with Bill cuz of the kids. That must be hell, having to see someone you can’t stand like that. I’m assuming he’ll have visitation rights, even though he shouldn’t be allowed near the kids at all since the courts are so gung-ho on biology.

A few hours ago, the things I’ve been doing caught up to me. Guess I exerted myself too much doing dishes, laundry, etc. I can really tell I’m still sick when I talk. My voice is weak, as amazing as that sounds coming from someone with such a loud, strong voice, and I’m still heavy-headed. It feels stuffy and I can still barely taste or smell. This is the first cold I’ve had in years, though, so I’ll bet I won’t have another one till after the turn of the century. Especially if we don’t have the kid I know we’re not meant to have (kids are always sick).

I was discussing different philosophies and beliefs with Andy, and believe it or not, he does have a point about something. When I reminded him that God doesn’t give us more than we can handle, he pointed out how God gives kids to those who can’t handle them all the time. This is true. God does do this, but as I said before, I believe God has different standards for different people. What one can do/have, may not be what someone else can do/have. I’ve been in situations I couldn’t handle before and most of the parents I’ve known couldn’t handle parenthood, but there’s still a reason for everything. I just don’t know if God’s reasons for sterilizing me are good, bad, or both, but what’s been done has been done. He sterilized me before I was even born. There’s nothing I can do about that 32 years later.

Andy left a message earlier and again, he’s as selfish as he is a very dear friend. I had left him a quick message yesterday to say hi and I also mentioned I had a cold, but in his message to me today, he didn’t even mention it. Never asked how I was or anything. Instead, I was Brenda for a few minutes. He wanted to vent his troubles with Laura. All 3 of them sleep in the bedroom. Laura and Gary have bunk beds. Meanwhile, Laura set her alarm for 6 AM and Andy wasn’t too happy about that, I guess since he doesn’t have to get up till around noon or later.

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 12, 1998 Jesus, I am unbelievably fat! Almost none of my clothes fit. Even listening to music is hard. There used to be space in between my belly and thighs, but now, my stomach is jammed against my thighs when I’m hunched over rocking. My problem is mostly in my stomach and thighs. Man, are they huge! I think I have a 34” waist and that’s 10” bigger than it’s supposed to be.

See? I really can find good in not having a kid, cuz if I had had a kid who read these journals after I died - oh God! It’d think it had a crazy mom for sure! Sometimes that’s true, though, or I at least feel that way. Another good thing about not having one is when you have a cold, it’s a blessing not to have to take care of someone when you can barely take care of yourself. I didn’t even think I’d have the strength to write at all.

I had a sore throat and body aches yesterday and today I’ve still got the body aches, but my head feels like it’s being pressurized all around. I’m not congested in the lungs/nose yet, but I just have that yucky, dizzy, weak, breathless feeling and I have zero energy. I don’t think I can work out today. My backache alone is tough. Tom’s been a great masseuse and nurse, though.

Although you’re supposed to gain a couple of pounds when you first start working out, I was right about my weight being scheduled for another jump. I know its timing and how my body loses/gains weight and now I’m 127. Of course, I look more like 140 with this lack of height and a disproportionate shape. Even my face, which was always considered striking (except for the crooked teeth, big teeth in front, and the small hole of a mouth), looks fat, puffy, and haggard. I’m really starting to age suddenly. My chin now runs right into my neck. It’s no longer tucked under my neck but slants down right into it. I don’t have much in the way of wrinkles yet, although there are facial folds forming from the sides of my nose down to the sides of my little round mouth. It’s hard to believe I was once thin and had a pretty face. Thank God I’ll always have my thick long hair and my big eyes and long eyelashes. They make up for what I lack. Most people would find the curly hair a blessing, too, but you know I don’t. It’s too much of a bitch to keep knots out of.

Every time I don’t feel too bad and get up and do things, I’m reminded of just how sick I really am, even if this is a really easy cold since I don’t smoke. I began to sex the baby mice but got weak and tired and they began to all look the same, so I’ll wait till this weekend. Tom and I agreed to do that and trim my bangs with the new hair trimmer this weekend, but you know how it is with us - something will come up so we can’t do it then. Someone will need his help. God, leave my husband to me on the weekends!

So, this weekend we’ll hopefully segregate the babies (the way you tell the sexes is by the distance between their butt holes and their private parts).

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 11, 1998 I may not do as much updating as I’d like to, cuz I’ve got a cold. Just when I thought I’d escape catching Tom’s cold (and I haven’t caught his last 4-5), I catch it.

Anyway, there’s still been no freeloader shit yet. No calls, no funny mail, nothing done to the house, no music, nothing yet. Although at around midnight, I sure heard something really damn weird but it couldn’t have been next door. It was close by, but when I say “close by” that could mean 4 houses away since they’re so close. Anyway, I heard a dog howling. Not barking, but doing a soft, low howling sound. If all dogs did that, rather than barked, I wouldn’t complain. I think I may have heard this howling before, too, a few times, but again, I have no idea where it’s at. I’d doubt it’d be next door, though, cuz they’d get something louder, with a loud bark, and something that’d bark a lot. I’ve only heard this thing a few times, but meanwhile, they deliberately had the dog they had go hungry a lot and deprived of attention, so it’d bark more. They probably got to the point where they couldn’t stand it themselves. Like I said, though, it couldn’t have been just a few feet away. I did hear the little kid balling her head off at 7:30 yesterday morning, but that’s it so far.

Tom says he thinks they know I haven’t been served, but my guess is that they still don’t know. It’s been too quiet for them to know. If they knew, they’d either try to get me served again, or they’d be a problem with noise. Primarily with music, since they don’t have a dog right now.

I’m working on my CD cover project and just not up to writing now, so I’ll go continue on with that and return to write more later.

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 10, 1998 I have quite an update to do. First off, Tom said the computer fixed itself and I was right with my initial diagnosis of a bad ink cartridge. He said he tested its colors again right before he was about to call an 800 number to exchange it, and it was fine. Well, I hope it stays that way. Meanwhile, I did 4 more Norah pictures and am resuming the CD cover project.

Now here’s something that may or may not shock you. That depends on how closely you view the statistics on shit like this, but last night I had one cigarette. It was also a very big mistake too, and I learned a big lesson - if you quit smoking, don’t go back to it, cuz you’ll be sicker than a dog. I had Tom get a pack cuz I was sick of missing them. It felt and tasted just like it did when I first started. I expected a bit of a head rush, but not for my heart to feel like it was gonna jump right out of my chest and not to feel nauseous, but that’s just how I felt for a while. And the place smelled so bad, too! No wonder I was thin, except for when I was on funny pills, what with the way my heart raced. And what a foul taste I had in my mouth for a while, too. How did I do that for 18 years? Gross! And why I didn’t feel queasy when I first started beats me. How did I deal with the rapid heartbeat and the smell? So, although what I did was a very bad idea, it may be the best stupid thing I did, so to speak, cuz it taught me just how sick I’d be. So, it’ll make missing them a lot easier to cope with.

Tom’s still sick, but he’s functioning. He hasn’t had to call out of work yet, although he considered it a few times.

We lay down naked together and talked, but we didn’t do anything. He said he owed me big time, though.

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 9, 1998 Yup, there’s a freeloader next door. One with a car, anyway. If I heard right, I heard its car doors just after 10:00.

I’m doing sheets right now and soon I’ll do some exercising. I don’t really have anything else I’ve got to do. I sang, and I’ll also crimp my hair, too.

Why is God so fucking hung up on the idea of me being in old places and with things that are broken?! This fucking leaky roof! I know Tom’s full of it when he says he’s gonna put a coat of sealer on it in a few days and have it repaired in a few months.

Anyway, I crimped my hair and am now waiting for the fryer to heat up enough for my chicken wings. Then, I will work out and do proofreading for the night. Anything to keep my mind off of things that hurt. It’s not always easy to block out the pain and punishment that God has inflicted upon me. Every day, I get up and I tell myself the same thing - I do not deserve a child and I cannot handle it. I need to believe this to make it easier to go on living and to go on living with God’s decision. I need to make his decision right and I need to make it fair. The only way I can deal with it and be more OK with it is to tell myself that every day, not that it isn’t true no matter what, cuz it is. I’m not up weird hours and on weird schedules for the fun of it. This is the way I am and I can’t help it, whether I’m one in a million or not. And if I can’t get on schedule for me I certainly couldn’t do it for a child. You have to be able to help yourself and do right for your own self before you can help and do right for others. But nonetheless, telling myself I don’t deserve it and can’t handle it, is the only way I can justify God’s actions. God isn’t supposed to hurt people like this and he’s supposed to be stronger than the devil, so for him to do this to me, he’s got to have a damn good reason.

Later…

I miss my cigarettes. Yes, I still miss them every day. I may not wheeze or need inhalers regularly anymore, and it may save money, but nothing has changed. It was a simple case of my being naïve, to think it’d change anything that much. Do I really want to live missing my cigarettes, on top of missing a child? I just don’t know.

The babies are really becoming “mice” so to speak. The oldest ones are really moving around now and eating and drinking. It’s so cute how they get all bouncy and playful.

I had a nice talk with Andy. I wanted to call him when I did an hour or so ago, cuz I knew I wouldn’t catch him later what with how my schedule is now.

I did the dishes, and other little odds and ends around the house, but I haven’t done much proofreading yet, so I think I’ll get back to that. I have a whole goddamn 34 more to go. They never end!

I’ve got about 600 more pages to proofread between all the journal groups I have left to go through. Well, I guess it’s moving along somewhat, cuz I remember when I had just over 1000 pages to proofread.

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 8, 1998 I may do some more working out later. Again, I know I can’t lose weight as long as God says I can’t. It’s just that it not only makes me feel better, but I feel more and more the need to rebel against God. In the past, for example, his refusal to allow me a child only made me want to fight him and get around him more. Now, I’m all the more determined to show that I can live just fine with his decision. And besides, he’s not the only one who thinks I can’t handle a child and am not deserving of one. I know I couldn’t handle it. I know I have so many other blessings, too, that I don’t deserve a child. I have to earn my way through life and I haven’t earned a child. Nothing I’ve done says I deserve it, but I do deserve other things that I’ve got and that I’ve worked hard for. I may not have the gift of a child, but I’ve got the gift of music. And that’s something I deserve and can handle, as long as it’s just the hobby it’s always been.

So go on God, control me all you want, but I am not gonna let a damn thing you do get to me and dominate my life and emotions!

So, it’s like I said - if I don’t mention a child, Tom won’t. He’ll forget all about it if I do.

Tom tells me I should try the hair removal thing again cuz they’re selling it everywhere. Yeah, gimmicks are sold everywhere all the time. Maybe it does work for most others and maybe it’s me. Maybe God just doesn’t want me to remove any of my hair permanently.

Later…

Got some letters typed up. Meanwhile, I haven’t heard any car doors in the 12 or so hours that I’ve been up, so if the freeloader’s car is there, I don’t know it.

I just ran into Marla online, sent her an IM, but got no response. Guess she’s busy doing something.

It’s now one of my favorite times - late Sunday night. Well, it’s not late, but by this time, I can be pretty darn sure that there’ll be no shit next door. According to Tom, there were no problems from them, so unless he’s not around to stir up the music/company, they don’t know yet that I haven’t been served. A couple of calls where all they say is how whites are no better than them isn’t gonna influence their case in court, the more I think about it. So that’s why there haven’t been any problems with music, mail, or vandalism.

Tom did say that he got a pizza he didn’t order. I said it was next door, but he said he didn’t think so cuz there was a phone number on the order that wasn’t ours. He thinks it’s just a misunderstanding about the address. Yeah, could be, but I doubt it.

God, these cats really know how to push my buttons. If they’re not banging on the door, they’re banging on the wall between the back room and patio.

I had my daily allergy fit, took my daily allergy pill, and so far, it looks like God’s gonna spare me again from catching one of Tom’s many colds. I knew he would. I’ve got allergies and other shit to deal with every day.

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 7, 1998 I didn’t get up till around 3 PM, but according to Tom, there have been no problems with the freeloaders yet. He said all he heard was someone passing by bouncing a ball and someone dumping garbage. Yeah, the freeloaders have their recycle bin right against the block wall just a few feet away from the bedroom. It used to be on the other side of their carport up against their house, but now it has to be against our house. Close enough, anyway.

For a second there, I thought I heard a dog while I was putting up that piano flag with its colorful notes in the music room, but I guess I didn’t. It wasn’t loud enough and it was just that one time. By now, if there were a dog there, I’d have heard it a billion times. I also wouldn’t be surprised if they got a dog sooner than the summer, and this next dog I won’t suspect is for me, I’ll know it’s for me.

Also, as figured, the calls stopped as soon as I put the anonymous call reject in use.

And another thing I figured is that the freeloader’s back. I was right when I said I heard a car door. It was there yesterday and the day before that we know of and when it’ll leave again, I don’t know.

So, what else is going on that’s part of our fate that God would never change - Tom does have yet another fucking cold. He went just over half a year without one, though, so he’s improving, and I should’ve known. I should’ve known that with the way God has to make sure our brand-new vacuums and microwaves and stuff like that have to break, I should’ve known that he’d trash the printer or the scanner. He chose to go after the printer and again, I’m sure a part of it is my payback for next door’s bottle. It won’t print reds very well and this is why I’ve been having color problems with text and pictures. It wasn’t a faulty cartridge after all, even if I wish that was the case, but I should’ve known. Boy, we really set the record for stuff that breaks. We’d be setting a record even if the stuff was older, so it’s all the more of a pisser when brand-new shit breaks for no apparent reason. That printer was fine. Then it just suddenly stopped printing correctly. This tells me all the more, that it had to be a God and if not, a devil of some kind. So much new shit doesn’t break left and right without a reason and since we can’t find no logical reason for it, that leaves something that’s not quite of an earthly source, although Tom’s not as quick to believe that kind of thing. I don’t think he wants to cuz it’s human nature to try to avoid thinking about things that are scary/negative. I don’t like to think that something out of this world could control us or our lives and stuff so much, but it’s true. There’s no denying it. That’d be pointless.

Tom picked up a couple of 40-min. phone cards for Andy. I’ll mail them along with his card for his birthday.

He also picked me up a pair of purple Velcro leg weights that you strap around your ankles. These are so much more stable than that thing I got by Denise Austin. The stretchable cord for the arms is fine by her and so is her tummy/back supporter, but the thing you wrap around the thighs sucks. They just slide right down.

Later…

I just got done working out and am doing laundry. I’m also cooking chicken wings and yes, I may as well give the cats the parts I don’t like, rather than throw them out and have them go to waste.

All’s still quiet next door and Andy couldn’t remember for sure, but he thinks he had to keep on calling in regard to finding out if Scott had been served or not. So, I don’t know if they know I haven’t been served yet. That would be pretty funny if they got all the way up to the court date without knowing, then went to court expecting me to be there, only to then end up being told their time and money went to waste cuz I was never notified. Upon receiving the calls I got, I thought they knew then that I hadn’t been served and knew it was useless to try again, cuz that wouldn’t look very good in court - harassing someone you intend to take to court for harassing you. But due to the weekend being so quiet (so far), they may not know yet. It’s when they do know and when they decide to forget about court that’ll be when they’ll really act up.

I was browsing through all the different projects that graphics program can do and discovered I can make CD and tape labels. You can make all kinds of labels for various things, but I made one tape label just for the hell of it (for an audiotape) and made a few CD labels, too. Unfortunately, I stuck all kinds of stickers on the CD cases that I can’t get off, so I have to tape the covers I make onto the outsides of the cases. Also, thanks to the fucked up printer, I have to wait a while before I can print more labels and Norah pictures if I want them to look better.

Later…

Sandy called earlier to say hi and to thank me for the cards I sent her and Jen, and I spoke to Larry and Jen, too. I feel so bad cuz I forgot to call and wish Sandy and Jen a happy birthday. I got a typical teasing response out of Larry for it, too. He goes, “It’s not my birthday. So I don’t give a fuck.”

Larry had some computer questions for Tom, so they talked for a while, then after, I teased both Larry and Sandy about their weather, I talked to Jen for a while. It’s amazing how mature and articulate she sounds. I know I’m talking to a child when I talk to her, but I don’t feel like I’m talking to a child when we talk. Anyway, Jen’s expressed interest in the mice we have, so maybe she’ll get some of her own. She asked me some questions about them. We both agree that hamsters can be cute, but all they do is sleep. Mice are cute to watch, but GPs are something you can cuddle and that fit in your hand and on your shoulder really well. Bunny’s too big.

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 6, 1998 Those anonymous calls were freeloader-related as I suspected. As I said, there were two calls over the weekend where they left a couple of quick messages. I could hear them talking to each other (a guy and a girl) but couldn’t make out what was being said. The girl was Hispanic and if the guy wasn’t too, he was black. I got up at 5 PM and an hour earlier there was a message where this female says, “I’ll be calling you back.” Then at 8:00, the freeloader leaves a message and she says, “Tom’s white trash for saying he’s a KKK member and a racist and that we’re no better than them,” then she said something about God, then hung up (yeah, it always comes down to God for them).

Tom never did or would say this, of course, as he has not one bigoted bone in his body and is certainly not affiliated with the KKK.

I set the Caller ID up to reject anonymous calls, so if the freeloader wants to call, she’s gonna have to leave her number. It was a definite black voice, but it wasn’t the bitch herself. Of course she’d get someone else to do her dirty work for her, as far as calls go.

I didn’t tell Tom about these calls cuz first of all, I forgot to tell him about the ones that came over the weekend and secondly, why add to his worries if I can spare him? Until and if there’s a need for him to know about it, I won’t tell him for now.

Do they have some detective friend who got my prints off the letter? Did they have a hidden camera that caught me throwing the bottle? I don’t think so, so what makes them so sure it’s me without any proof? The cops don’t do shit about threatening letters. They wouldn’t get prints, cuz you know how cops are. They wait till someone does something to physically hurt someone before they really take action. What is it that makes them so sure it’s me? Or Tom? Any idiot could get our names/number, but I still wonder how they’re so sure it’s us? And you know what? They’re gonna get away with it. All the music, the calls, any harassment or shit they dish out to us, they’re gonna get away with. Only I have to pay. God hasn’t seen that I pay for the letter/bottle yet, but he will. If it isn’t by going to court, it’ll be by something else.

I hate being so trapped by these people, but that’s exactly what I am! If I send mail or do something to their property, I have to pay in court or by them harassing me all the more at some point. If I beat them up, I get arrested or maybe shot by one of their psycho friends. There’s no winning here or getting them off my ass. I have no choice but to live with whatever they do, but me? I can’t do shit, cuz if I do, I have to pay and get hell for it. Fuck these people! Fuck these mother-fucking people! I wish they’d drop dead! It’s obvious now that these fucking city bums are gonna do everything they can to hang onto that house for as long as they can, so we will be stuck with them till we move. When we get closer to September, we’ll see what happens then, but I see myself stuck with them for a long time, unfortunately. He hasn’t been around for nearly a week (I wish I could say they had that final fight and will never be together again, but he’ll be back) and that’s what the music was about last Saturday. He always lets me know there’s a change to come. He was telling me he was leaving. But like I said, he’ll be back. And when he returns, I can only imagine just how bad the music situation will be. It’s the calm before the storm that we’re in right now, but in time, there’ll be plenty of music and barking when the new dog gets here. The only reason there’s not as much activity going on over there lately is that it’s winter.

Later…

Here we are at that dreaded weekend! I’m sure he’ll return this weekend too, and will let me know it. Then next weekend will be even worse, cuz that’s a 3-day weekend, although a lot of people will still have to work on Monday.

Since I set up an anonymous call reject, the bitch’s friends that have been calling will go do something else, I’m sure, cuz I really doubt they’ll have the guts to expose their number. I’ll probably get my share of hate mail next, but that ought to be interesting. In fact, I hope I do get something in the mail, cuz that’s tangible evidence I could use if we do go to court, although it’s pretty much non-admissible in court. Still, it’d be interesting to have, even if it’s not too helpful.

Speaking of pain in the asses that I gotta deal with - these cats have taken advantage of my hospitality enough, and once they run out of food, that’s it. They’re on their own to fend for themselves. They’re an extra cost that we didn’t ask for, since they’re just strays, and they bang and climb on the screen door to get attention and it’s really a distraction.

For now, I’m done playing the video caption game where I create new photos for my screensaver program. It’s time-consuming, too, to do just a few of them. Anyway, I got about 8 new ones of Gloria I made, and 4 or so more Norah ones. I printed some out, too.

Got the package from my parents to wake up to and this one really went over as a big hit with me.

Fuck! I think the freeloader’s back already. Yeah, leave it to him to return on a Friday night, so I can listen to him blast in and out 4-6 times on both Saturday and Sunday. God, get rid of this mother-fucker!

Anyway, they sent a wooden flowerpot arrangement and a wooden mini birdhouse with bees and flowers on it. Those, I have in the kitchen.

They sent a nice pair of beige ankle-high boots with silver studs around the ankles, a really nice night light with a piano and musical notes, and a flag too gorgeous to go outside. It’s also of a piano and musical notes and it’ll get hung inside somewhere.

They sent their latest flag catalog which seems to get thicker and thicker each time and is filled with plenty of new drawing ideas. I really loved some of the wind sockets they have now. Also, they have a really nice new cactus/desert scene and sculpted flags. Out of the sculpted ones, I really liked the one of the cats that hangs from the flagpole.

And lastly, they sent two really cute little felt and feather mice. One’s gray and one’s white, but both have pink ears and multi-colored feathers for tails. I have them on top of the monitor.

So it was really nice of them to send stuff I like and a theme of mice and music sure is me!

Speaking of mice, the oldest babes are really moving around now and just starting to open their eyes and eat solid foods.

I got a stamp catalog that I ordered from the post office, but it’s not very entertaining. Nothing too exciting in it.

God’s still doing his thing and right on time too, cuz Tom has a cold. I thought my not smoking was supposed to cure him of all his colds and sexual problems. I guess not (we screwed yesterday and it was nice, but he’s not the only one who didn’t cum). Right at mid-cycle, too, as if something up there wants to pretend there’s this big pregnancy to dodge. Well, this will be the easiest cold for me to deal with cuz I’m not so worried about losing out on sex and a child. It’s OK now. We have to take care of his Mary, Ma, her house, my teeth, and our moving plans. That’s enough and as Tom says - I’ve got a full plate.

Evie responded to the email I sent offering me a ride to Parker’s birthday party. I told her I’d be tied up too, and she said that David has to work (as well as Tom), and it’ll just be all women. Well, I can’t relate to these women. I have nothing in common with them and I don’t want to go there just to feel like an outcast and have nothing to say while they talk about their kids. All I mainly know is music, art and rodents. Not motherhood/children.

Later…

I’ve been hearing a shitload of car stereos off in the distance. Hey, it’s Friday night. They’re cruising the city everywhere.

Tom’s still asleep. He went to bed shortly after I got up. I got up at around 2 PM.

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 4, 1998 Couldn’t sleep, so I thought I’d write. The more I think about Andy, the more irked I get. I appreciate the coffee coupons he took the time to clip and bring over to me, but he has become so fucking selfish (in a different kind of way than he was in Springfield)! I just never thought he’d become such a pest! He comes over here on a weekend which he knows I don’t prefer (although I should’ve said something) and he’s got to eat everything he sees, as usual. He sees me eating a carrot, so he’s gotta have it. He sits down next to all my gum, he’s gotta have some, too (a whole pack). He’s gotta have some popcorn and some coffee and then he asked if I’d give him the digital scale since we got a dial one. Yeah sure, I said. Then he said he should’ve taken my offer when I offered him extra mugs since he’s got two roommates now. So I gave him 4 old mugs I’ll never use again.

Oh well. I guess Andy will be Andy while I’ll be me. I still love and care about him as much as I may bitch about him. He is my best friend. He’s also so much like family since we grew up knowing each other.

So much for printing out purple text. All I can get right now is black and blue. I think this color cartridge is fucked up. It fucking figures, huh?

Right now I’m in a questionable mood. I’m not in a bad mood and I’m not in a good mood. I have things I look forward to living for and experiencing, then I have things I’m not the least bit anxious to live with. As I said, never having a baby gets easier to deal with over time, and I know God has his reasons for feeling I’m both incompetent and not deserving of a child and perhaps he’s right. That still doesn’t mean that every now and then for the rest of my life, I won’t wonder what it would’ve been like to carry and have that child. I still wonder, though, will we ever seek a doctor’s help for this situation? I can’t see it. And how many have this double whammy, too, with problems with both sex and sterility? Isn’t it usually one or the other if you’re one of those unfortunate ones to have a problem in the first place?

It’s still pretty windy out there and we had a bit of rain, but it’s a nothing storm. I wouldn’t even classify it as a storm, but just a little bit of wind and rain.

I’m also wondering about the bitch next door too, and what she’s gonna do next. Will she try again to take legal action against me? Or will she have her boytoy harass me with his music? Or maybe have Loverboy and the kid vandalize us? Well, if they do that, and I catch them, they’re dead meat.

I did a baby count last night and if I remember correctly, there are 34 babies. Counting the adults, we’ve got 42 mice altogether. That’s a lot!

Well, I’d stay and write more little tidbits of stuff, but my eyes are now beginning to close on me. I should wake up to a package from my parents tomorrow. Packages always come before I’m fully awake, anyway! I hope I don’t wake up to any court people knocking, that’s for sure.

Later…

Just got up and had my daily allergy fit. God, I’m so sick of this shit! I had hoped that the rain would clean the air and it did somewhat, but I disagree with Tom. I know the pollution has had a big play on my allergies, but I think it’s more the mice. Sorry, God, I’m not giving them up. You can make me pay for them, but I’m not giving them up. Not the ones I don’t want to give up, anyway. At least this is how I feel now, but if I decide further down the road to give in to God and let him win and control me out of having a lot of mice, I’ll just keep Ziggy, Cocoa, Tanner and Patch.

Still no freeloader next door, and it looks like I was right with my 3 shot guess. I don’t think anyone tried to serve me yesterday. I think the last shot was on Monday. That bitch is gonna take the news hard, I’m sure. Like I said, though, I think she’ll try again. Dragging me into court would be worth her money and she can’t say for sure who sent that letter and who threw that bottle, so who better to blame than me? I wonder how she can afford, it though, but I guess she could on subsidized housing. I’m sure I could’ve come up with that fee when I was in Carabetta. If she can’t raise the dough herself, she’ll use him or someone else for the money.

I’m having my coffee now, then it’s off to brush my teeth and take a shower.

Later…

I knew that the freeloader’s absence was to be short-lived. It’s back. I just heard a car door, but at least it was just one not-so-loud car door and not a million slams with music included. That’s just so far, though, cuz I know they’ll be acting up any time now. I don’t know if they know yet that I haven’t been served, but they’re gonna be pretty pissed when they found out I haven’t been. This weekend, I’m sure, will be filled with plenty of reminders that I have to live with them practically attached to us.

Still haven’t showered yet, so I’m gonna go get that over with.

Later…

No mail regarding the freeloaders. Anyway, I showered and all that and will straighten my hair as soon as it dries. I changed the bird’s cage, and he’s already trashed his food again. Why does a bird have to throw their food around their cage when they go to eat? The pigeons don’t do that. Maybe it’s cuz this bird doesn’t like me (he senses I’m not a big fan of birds). Well, the cats are just as messy when they eat as they’d be if they ate indoors. Instead of taking a bite of food from their bowl and eating it, they have to take that bite, drop it on the ground, then eat it from there. It used to piss me off how Shadow would needlessly dirty up the floor when he’d eat.

I got up earlier than UPS typically delivers and am now wide awake, so that means I most definitely won’t get my package today. I’m sure I will tomorrow, though, when I sleep later. That way, it can come before I’ve had a chance to get up and get woken up. I always end up opening it before I’m fully awake, though, cuz the suspense always kills me. It’s hard to tell myself I’ll get woken up first, while I sit and stare at a package and wonder what’s in it.

Later…

My weight’s been hanging in the mid-120s for a while now, so I expect it to go up any second now.

I’m psyched at the idea of making my own journals. Tom said he’s found everything I need to do that with, except for where they sell the wires to bind the papers with. He’ll find that out, though, cuz the journal companies themselves did. They have to have a supplier somewhere. Anyway, as psyched as I am about it, what am I gonna do with all that extra time (writing in the draft copies was time-consuming and God isn’t gonna give me a kid to fill my time with)? I guess I’ll take Tom’s advice and do more than just text when we get a new word processor. I can do illustrations, clipart, photos, etc. I can also make up that writing time by doubling or tripling my typing time. I have a gigantic hard drive in the computer I use, anyway, and it’s not even compressed.

Boy, does my hair feel much healthier straightened! It’s when it’s left curly that it feels so straw-like.

It’s still windy and cool out there and I wonder if we’ll get more rain. I’d think so from the way it’s looking out there.

I think I’ll go web cruising now.

Later…

I may do some singing in a little while and when I do, hopefully I won’t sound like I still smoke. It’s a real bummer that I have to have other problems now that I don’t smoke. I was not only sure that quitting would clear my nose, which it didn’t, I was sure my skin would no longer be leathery dry and that the ridges in my nails would smooth out, but I was wrong.

I think I’ll go do the dishes before they pile up again, and have some popcorn, too.

Later…

Now it’s really raining out there. Saw a bit of lightning and heard a bit of thunder, too. Of course our back room is leaking in the corner. There were 4 spots that would leak and Tom was only able to fix 3 of them. He’s gonna put some more sealer on the roof, but meanwhile, we’ll probably just hire someone to repair this goddamn roof.

I just left Andy a message and asked him to tell me how the phone card deal works and where to get them. That’s what he wants for his birthday, so he can go call friends and family out of state and talk those people’s ears off. I guess the price depends on how many minutes’ worth you buy. He’d take a year’s worth if he could, but I asked him to tell me what he’d reasonably prefer and where the best place to buy the cards would be.

I hope it doesn’t rain too much longer, cuz the leak is dripping fast.

Later…

God, I’m soooo pissed! I’m so fucking sick of this leaky roof deal! I’m sick and tired of having to play bucket and towels! Tom said he’s sorry, he forgot. Well, of course he forgot. If I were too busy fixing other people’s houses, I’d tend to forget what needed to be fixed in my own house, too. Like I said, his family’s houses and medical conditions come first.

Later…

Tom’s taking a shower now and then we’re going to screw for the first time in nearly two weeks. Again, I’m not in the mood, not that I won’t at least spread my legs for him. I wonder why my appetite’s dwindled like it has. Also, I question just how much I really want to trade in my freedom for a baby and I’m not sure it’s as much as it used to be, but I can’t complain. I thank God it’s not as big a deal to me as it once was and as it could be. Anyway, if I don’t mention the sterility, the doctors, etc., he won’t.

David and Evie sent an invitation to Parker’s first birthday party. Boring! Besides, Tom has to work that night. So I emailed Evie (both of their email addresses were on their return address label) and told her we couldn’t make it and that I set things up so she can email me directly. I added her to my list.

Tom confirmed that I guessed right - this color cartridge is defective. Do you know how rare that is? It figures, too, that I’d be the one to get a fucked up cartridge, but hey, rare is me. Tom will pick me up a new one and a black one, too. He’s also gonna look at Velcro leg weights that Sears has and their phone cards. We can maybe get Andy two 40-minute cards for $10 each. Anyway, the weights that I have are primarily wrist weights, but they have these really comfortable Velcro leg weights that I want. I began working out again figuring that if I didn’t lose weight or inches, and I’m sure I won’t, it’ll at least make me feel better. Most of my work and hobbies are done sitting down. This way, I can be more active.

We know of two places in Phoenix that sell Play City stuff, the brand of pet stuff we use. We’re gonna see if Play City has a website so we can find out if they have other distributors around here. I want to pick up a couple of purple Snap-On wheels. They don’t work as great, but I think the mice will like them.

I had said twice but didn’t, that I’d quit getting them wine coolers. No, I’m not addicted. It’s just like with coffee - I could give up coffee forever, but wouldn’t want to. I still do intend to return to never drinking, but rather than do it abruptly, I’ll do it little by little.

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 3, 1998 I’m lying low right now, cuz the civil court server may be here any time now. He may try well after 5:00, figuring I don’t get home till then. Yesterday Tom said he put a card on the door saying to call him in order to avoid any inconvenience later. Oh, I’m really scared of being inconvenienced! Tom just left the card there, though, to make it look like no one’s gotten it. We don’t use the front door, anyway.

That really was packing sounds I heard after all. He hasn’t been there since Saturday, so all’s been peaceful. No music, no door slamming. He’ll be back anytime, though, and I know they’ll torment me with music and other things at some point, too.

A part of me wondered if the dog disappearing could be cuz of the city letter. Maybe they came out in person about it and she told them he just visits. Meanwhile, they saw the dog and told her to lose it. And now, could he be hiding out while she’s going through her legal troubles? I doubt that one, though, cuz this would be between us in court. The city would have no cause to come out to the house for this. Tom said that as far as the dog, the people who tore up their yard and replaced their main line could’ve seen droppings, or someone who came over to check or repair something else could’ve. That makes more sense if she didn’t plan to have the dog just for a little while, cuz if she felt I caused him to lose that dog, she’d make up something to drag me into court for. I told you she’s been waiting for the chance to jump out at me. There’s no proof whatsoever that I was behind this bottle thing, yet she’s blaming me anyhow.

Well, Tom’s been finding out some good news and maybe, just maybe, we can move in less than two years. The price of an acre isn’t nearly as costly as we thought it’d be. At $400 an acre, we can use our stock money to get the land ASAP. Then we could either get a mobile home till we build the house we want. Or we can get a home assembly kit that enables you to put together a house in just a couple of days till we build the house we want.

Tom got a certificate today for processing 23 million checks! That’s a lot. He also got a gym bag and a denim cap.

Later…

I just got done listening to music for a half-hour or so, so if anyone came to the door, I don’t know about it.

Boy, is that barometer way down. I’ve never seen it so low. It’s cloudy and windy now, but are we in for that big of a storm? I just hope that whatever it does helps the pollution. It’s been awful! Worst I’ve ever dealt with during winter out here. My allergies have been miserable. Last night my nose was so stopped up and sneezy that I thought I had a cold. Singing was like old times. It’s like God just wants me to suffer one way or the other. If I don’t use cigarettes to aggravate my lungs, he sticks me with more allergy problems than I’ve ever had out here. Tom says he thinks it’s 80% pollution and 20% mice. Well, if it is the mice, I’m not gonna give in to him and get rid of them. See what I mean, though? I not only have to pay for every little thing I do wrong, but I have to pay for any happiness, too. If I had to pay with such bad allergies for the mice, imagine what I’d have had to have paid if a doctor could’ve enabled me to have a child?! He’d break my legs for it if he didn’t do something to Tom or to the baby and have it born with its hands where its feet were supposed to be or its nose where its ear was supposed to be.

I forgot to mention one other part of Andy’s trip to L.A. He went with his roommate Gary, Michelle, and her butch pal Chris. So there were 4 of them. Andy’s always been fascinated with Charles Manson and his “family.” So they went to the home of Sharon Tate, an actress who was murdered there at 8 months pregnant. It was a new home, though, and it was in a slightly different spot, but Andy recognized a certain tree that was still there from pictures taken of the crime scene. They saw a Jewish name on the mailbox and saw that there was mail in it, too. They left the mail alone but stuck in one of my wacky notes I periodically make up for him to distribute. He said that the house seemed like it was partly under construction. The front door was unlocked (I guess the residents figured no one would have the guts to go into a place where there were several grisly murders) and Andy and Chris went in and Andy played on the baby grand piano that was there. He also stuck a note of mine in the bench with the sheet music that was there.

Later…

I think someone was watching me from out back just now. I went out to chase that bitch of a cat off and their back patio light was on. A few minutes later, though, it was off and I thought I smelled cigarette smoke. I don’t know about that one for sure, but I do know that the cock smokes. I don’t know if the cock is even there, though, so maybe it was the bitch and maybe the bitch smokes. Or the teenager. But I just got a feeling that I was being watched, not that I give a rat’s ass. I mean, it’s not gonna change my life one way or another if they do watch me.

Sure is windy out now! But Bunny doesn’t mind. I stepped out to see if he wanted to come in, but nope. I don’t know how much rain, thunder or lightning will go with this wind, but we’ll see.

Later…

OK, at nearly a quarter after 8:00 at night, I’d say no one’s come out today unless they came when I was listening to music. That means that now we gotta wait and see if they’ll pay another fee for 3 more shots at me, or if they’ll drop it and go about things as they normally do, or if they’ll drop it and start even more shit.

I could be wrong, and it’d be nice if I were, but I think the freeloader’s back. I thought I heard car doors, but it’s hard to tell with the wind.

There was a local number on the caller ID box when I got up. The origin of it was unavailable. I tried to call it, with our number blocked, but all it did was ring. So I don’t know about this and the two anonymous calls that came during the weekend.

Later…

Tom is up now. I showed him how I was typing my next 4 journals, even though they’re ruled. It sure was hard to size up my margins to fit these pages. It took several tries. I’ll be using different colors, too. I thought I’d go with purple for this book, pink for the next, then cyan and green, all with bold or larger entry dates.

Yesterday was the first time in ages that we had time for sex, but I didn’t take the opportunity. I don’t know what it is with me lately, but I just don’t seem to have much of an appetite these days. Tom gave me the signal - he said he was going to go lie down. I laid down, too, as I usually do, but kept my clothes on. I just couldn’t get in the mood.

We did have a nice talk, though. He told me he was concerned that if we go to a doctor and it’s found out that I’m perfectly OK and the problem is him, how will I react? Will I blame him? Certainly not, I told him. It’s when I get suspicious that he’s lying to me and holding back on his true feelings about having a child, that I have a problem with. But he feels that I blame him for all kinds of things that are out of his control. Even things like the weather. That’s being a bit paranoid and sensitive, and I told him that. A part of me wishes it was him with the problem and not me. Guys are easier to fix, cuz they’re on the outside. We women are on the inside. I still think, though, that the problem is both of us. I think it’s mental for him and physical for me. I still acknowledge the fact, too, that he may not know he has a problem. It still could be all in his subconscious.

Later…

We finally got some rain going out there. The kittens are out there now trying to get me to come out and play with them, but it’s just too chilly. I got quite a surprise as I opened the door one time, though. As I opened it, a cat fell down in front of me. White Feet was more than halfway up the inside of the screen door, the little devil! He dropped to the ground as soon as I opened the door, though, and ran. We never have the screen door shut tight, so that’s how they can get inside it.

I had been sending Bob my drafts for quite a while. You know, the system I’ve been using for ages where I type a page or two, print it out, then copy it into my written journals. I’d send the pages to him once I’d copied them. Anyway, since I have an envelope and a few pages set aside to go to Bob, and since I’m not gonna be doing drafts in the usual fashion for a while, I’ll just use those pages and print out a bunch of bull for him. Maybe old excerpts from Springfield journals.

I guess I wore the cats out. they’re quiet now. Good. I can concentrate better.

Anyway, Tom’s gonna be off to work real soon and I’m getting pretty tired. I’ve got to get back with the proofreading, so maybe I’ll do that till I crash.

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 1, 1998 Freeloader update - since I last wrote, I only heard music once at a so-so volume. He did come and go 4-6 times a day as is usually the case on weekends, but all I heard, except for that one time of music, was car doors. At one point, it sounded like he was packing something into the car before leaving. Anyway, the day’s still young, and I’m sure they’ll give me some sort of shit to listen to.

I guess the courts don’t serve summons on weekends, cuz no one came to the door yesterday.

That lady who took the mice did return our cage, so that’s nice.

Also, I remembered that Tammy said Mark owned his own business, but I couldn’t remember what she said he did till I asked her again. He’s a sharpener. I asked her if he’s sharpened her brain. She said he’s trying to.

I’m really ready to wring Mary’s neck! I swear to God, something not only wants me to not have my husband full-time, but Mary wants to kill him. First it’s her car and now it’s a pipe in the bathroom that Ma’s gonna be using when she finally moves in there. He said he’d better take care of it cuz they don’t know what they’re doing. Well, why’d Mary get a house then? If you don’t know how to handle and maintain a house, you shouldn’t have one and you shouldn’t depend on others to maintain it, either. Dave and Mary should take care of their own house or get their own mechanic and repairman. He’s got to work tonight. Don’t they know this? Don’t they care? Or are they that selfish that they’d rather steal our time away from each other and take a chance of killing Tom than hire a plumber? This must be another reason God sterilized me; cuz he knew that Tom would have to drive them around and take care of their houses and cars. But if Mom and Mary weren’t my rivals and my competition for Tom, someone or something else would be. We’ll just never get to live our lives for us, will we? And this is all the more reason not to go to a fertility doctor, cuz even if they could fix me, I wanted a kid with him, not to raise by myself.

Later…

Oh, how frustrated, bummed and pissed I am! What a shitty day. The weekend’s been shot to hell, as much as I hate weekends anyway. It’s been over a week since I’ve even had sex with my husband. I said it’s OK to have a part-time sex life, I’m used to it, etc., but not this part-time. He said he agrees it’s been too long, but he can’t be that worried over it since he insists on being Mary’s caretaker. He still says it’s just the getting the preparations made and the moving done that’ll take time. Yeah, right! Even if she were moved at the snap of our fingers, we still have two houses to take care of for years (I know she’s not gonna sell that house and she’s giving us $200 a month to look out for it) and Mary or someone, will need him to do their work for them. And he still swears nothing could prevent us from the doctors or raising a kid and that he’d be there and all that crap, but it’s awfully hard for me to buy. It’s obvious that God wants us to take care of others and not live for what we want. So I told Tom, who still has to do more work for Mary cuz she’s too selfish to call a plumber, that if we can’t have a somewhat full-time sex life (and I know God won’t let me have that or my husband full-time), then we can’t have one at all. I’m sick of going back and forth here with this on-and-off sex life. I also refuse to go to a doctor until and if he can make the time for it (he knows too, that once you get started with that, there’s no turning back), we can’t go cuz it’d take at least 3 months for them to figure out what’s wrong with me. And that’s just half the battle. There’s still his infrequent cumming to deal with.

The other problem is Andy. Andy, Andy, Andy! He just won’t back off! First he was supposed to come yesterday, but he had to work later than planned, and today Marla, who he doesn’t talk too much, called. So, he was an hour late and he’s getting really damn obvious. I know he was deliberately late to piss me off. He says he doesn’t take my not wanting to talk to him every day personally, but I don’t know. Instead of him just picking a time to be here and being here at the agreed time, we have to play phone for 3 days leading up to it, then even longer, till he finally decides to come over. And how many times did I tell him weekends aren’t good? It’s like he’s trying to get my attention in person now that he can’t get it by phone.

Anyway, I told Andy all about what’s been going on here in general and he told me a million things, as I knew he would.

I told him all about the freeloaders and he understands that we use words that may be rather controversial, but we both know there’s good and bad in all kinds. We know there’s plenty of white trash out there too, but as I told Andy, don’t forget the racists that they themselves have created. In other words, what these sick fucks have done does not help put me in the mood to like blacks. Nonetheless, I’ll refer to them as I see fit to vent my steam.

Andy says he doesn’t know where Tom’s getting his information, but blacks do get terrorized by the KKK all the time. I know that there are enough hate crimes out there and that there always will be, but Tom said most people do like/accept blacks and that the KKK doesn’t run out doing violence against them; they just sit around and discuss their opinions. Whatever, though.

Andy also said that from what he can remember, the server fee was between $25-$50 and they try 2-3 times Then, it’s up to the complainant to either pay another server fee or try again, or to forget it. So, I think they’ve tried twice to serve me and that they may try again tomorrow.

So far, and to my utter amazement, they’ve been quiet today. My only question is, just what will they do when and if they just can’t seem to get me served?

I couldn’t believe it when I got up to find myself down to 120 pounds, but weight drops are always short-lived by me these days, and now I’m 125. Isn’t that sick? To gain 5 pounds in one day? If my metabolism gets any slower, I won’t have a metabolism left.

So Andy brought me coffee coupons and told me all about telling Quinn off and taking control over him for a change. He also told Quinn - you want your dick sucked - fine, but you gotta pay me $20 for it.

He told me about the convention and seeing Xena and other people from the cast.

He too, is having neighbor trouble, and I wish we could swap neighbor trouble, although his isn’t any fun, either. Apparently, some guy, who’s the city’s neighborhood snitch, is complaining about all the surrounding houses around him, including Andy’s. He complains about the yard and stuff like that. This guy repairs and sells TVs from his house, too, which he isn’t zoned for, so when Andy and others figured out it was this guy who was complaining, he called the city to complain about his TV deal. The lady said things that suggested she knew about his business, and said she’d get someone out to investigate, but never did. So, Andy’s gonna go above her to get this guy from having so many cars coming in and out, as well as to get even. And God will let him get away with getting even, too, even if I got even differently. Although I don’t know if I’d call what I did getting even. They aren’t stressed out about me. They never worry if I’ll wake them up. They never worry that I’ll be noisy for hours.

Remember I said I had that talk with God about making me pay for what I did if someone must pay for it? Well, I still wouldn’t be surprised if God saw me in a courtroom and through stress and noise from these freeloaders, but so far, I have gained weight, as I said I’d take from him. I told him please, no court, no vandalism or music from them. Give me the weight gain, the continuing sterility, and problems that would be on me. Well, the weekend was stolen from my husband and I, the snout on the water jug in the fridge broke and sort of flooded the kitchen, today was a boring day waiting on and listening to Andy, and there’s been more. I lost part of a document, too. As annoying as these things are and as much as they may make me want to tear the hair out of my head, if this is what I must take if I don’t want court or more shit from them, so be it. But like I said, we’ll see what happens. It’s way too soon to tell and I’m kind of vibeless right now. Speaking of vibes, Tom acknowledged I was right on my vibe about Mary. I told him after he fixed the car that there’d be something new. She needs computer work done, plumbing done, car work done. She’s a sweetheart and I really adore her, but she and Dave just won’t fend for themselves!

Tom said he always believed/knew I was psychic. He said he just didn’t know how much credibility to give it. That depends on how strong the vibe/vision is, I told him.

Spot had her babies and it looks like they’re all done. So now we can separate the males once they’re a bit older. On the 19th we’ll pick the males out of the oldest litters.

The kittens are really turning into cats, too.

My mom’s having a rough time of it now. She has spinal stenosis. There’s no cure for it, but she’s in therapy for the pain. She also has to use needles for diabetes.

Got a letter from Kim. She and Walter are done cuz he doesn’t want kids. Typical male.

[12u3ie]

I heard "not doing so well" and have come running with this.

This is a sticker I make myself look at when I've done a good job. Literally just saved to my favorites on my phone. It has soaked up the energy from my proudest moments, and now I'm metaphorically applying it to the back of your hand. (I'd stick it to your forehead instead but then you wouldn't be able to see it, and you miss out on witnessing some of your most awesome facets due to perspective already).

Also, if you DO happen to get into a food mood (assuming that wasn't a typo), let me know, I have a few easy recipes (one has THREE INGREDIENTS) that are good for a comfort moment.

sobs. cries even. /d /this is a thing i say dw

thank you so so sooooo much! i. that sounded fake, but i meant it. thank you.

im good on food and such, dw! just. anxiety. bitch. bastard. evi

[marmosa]

evenings with you.

Fred Weasley x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 4.6k

Warnings: none!

A/N: harry potter won’t be the only thing i write about, but for now it might be since a few of my friends are really rekindling my love for the universe (not jkr tho, fuck that bitch).  

***

The common room buzzed with people running about, chatting among themselves and waiting impatiently for their slower friends so they could make their way down to the stand for this week’s Quidditch match. The fireplace crackled nearby, a sharp undercurrent beneath all the busy conversation. 

“You know [y/n],” Evie spoke up, leaning her head back over the armrest of the couch, “red eyeliner really suits you, you should wear it more often.” 

“Thank you darling, I’m not so sure it’ll become a regular part of my attire, but it sure does make spirit wear even more fun to wear,” [y/n] chuckled, glancing at her reflection in the tiny handheld mirror she kept with her at almost all times. 

“Whatever you say. I personally think that that Weasley boy you fancy is going to love it, he does seem like the type to enjoy bold colors,” Evie hummed pretending to ignore the daggers being shot at her form [y/n]’s eyes. 

“Would you quiet down! What if he hears you? We’re all Gryffindor’s you absolute fool,” [y/n] hissed, reaching forward and imitating a strangling motion. 

“I’ll start quieting down once you two go on a proper date, it’s so boring that you’re still taking this long to have finally made a first move,” Evie drawled, pushing herself into a sitting position, “besides-,” she paused and small smirk drawing onto her features, “speak of the red-headed devil.” 

[y/n]’s eyes nearly popped out of her head as she quickly composed herself, panicking on not only what she planned to say but why he’d decided to approach them in the first place. 

“Hey Evie,” Fred chimed cheerily, turning to [y/n] with a more reserved gentleness, “hey [y/n]. You two heading down the pitch yet? The game starts soon and we’re gonna need as much support as we can get.” 

“You boys don’t need the flattery, your ego’s already too big from the last two games you absolutely crushed,” Evie scoffed, rolling her eyes playfully at Fred’s request. 

“Hey, you never know how things can turn out. One wrong move and our winning streak could fall apart!” Fred feigned offence at her remark, placing his hand over his chest. 

“If you really need a good luck charm, I heard [y/n]’s kisses are one of the most lucky charms there is,” Evie teased, sticking her tongue out at her now hot-faced friend. 

“I’m not kissing anybody, especially not a quidditch player, it’ll go straight to their head,” [y/n] muttered, tipping her head up in pride to prove her point, “besides, Fred here does just fine without any sort of charm.” 

“Now don’t be that way [y/n], that’s just rude. You know I’ll take any luck I can get though, if the offer still stands,” Fred teased, plopping down on the sofa next to her and tapping his cheek suggestively. 

“Watch it,” [y/n] grit, elbowing him in the side.

“Hey! Careful with the merchandise! I have a match to win,” Fred frowned, holding his hands up to protect himself from any other preemptive attacks. 

“Whatever,” [y/n] muttered, rolling her eyes, “If you so desperately need a good luck charm, here.” She reached behind her and un-clipped her necklace, dangling the golden pendent with the heart charm at the end in front of him. 

“Are you sure,” Fred whispered, eyeing the chain cautiously, “I wouldn’t want to break it.” 

“It’s not fragile, besides, you can repair it with a quick spell can’t you?” She grinned, letting the chain sink into his palm. 

He pressed his lips together to hide his smile, making quick work of putting on the necklace and tucking the pendent under his collar, grinning widely at an amused [y/n], “I have a good feeling about this match.”

���You say that about every match,” [y/n] teased. 

“I mean it this time,” Fred beamed, looking up as Oliver called his name from the portraits entrance, “Well, I must take my leave. Send me your luck from the stands ladies, I bid you adieu,” He nodded before jogging off, scooping his helmet off a nearby table as he ducked out of the common room. 

Before [y/n] could get lost in her thought, Evie squealed loudly and nearly pounced on her, squeezing her arm, “You two were so flirting! That has got to be the cutest thing I have ever seen, I can’t believe you two haven’t made out already!” 

“You’re unbelievable, you know that?” [y/n] bit back a smile, leaning her head onto her friends shoulder as she allowed herself to bask in the warmth of their small interaction, “Anyways, we have a match to go watch, up and at it now, yeah?” 

“Hot chocolate and gossip afterwards?” Evie asked, shimmying excitedly. 

“Wouldn’t want to do anything else,” [y/n] grinned.

***

“YOU COULD’VE HIT THAT, FOCUS WEASLEY, FOCUS!” [y/n] screamed from the stands, her cries probably getting drowned out among the other student’s commotion. 

“Maybe we shouldn’t have teased him so much, it might’ve rubbed off,” Evie sighed, nudging [y/n] slightly, trying to gain her attention. 

“Probably,” [y/n] muttered, furrowing her brows as she eyes the scoreboard, the players, and the commentators, “should’ve given him that kiss,” [y/n] continued, more to herself than anyone else. 

The game continued on, both Gryffindor and Hufflepuff holding their own as the time ticked by to the end. As soon as it had started it had finished, Gryffindor scoring the victory by less than 15 extra points, relief flooding over the students packing into the stands. 

“I KNEW YOU COULD DO IT!” [y/n] called out from the stands, as the students jeered and began making their way out of the stands and back into the castle.

Fred caught her eye as he soared around on his broom, beaming wider than she could’ve hoped for, waving at her frantically and nearly falling off his broom in the process. She laughed to herself, muttering a few insults under her breath as Evie dragged her along, insistent on getting their favored spot in the commons before anyone else could. 

The Gryffindor victory did nothing short of energize the entire house, the common room nearly shaking with joy and pride, drinks and snacks alike being shared like the last supper they’d ever have. 

Evie cheered with everyone else, still bounding on the same adrenaline high everyone else was. She plopped back down on the couch, wrapping an arm around [y/n]‘s shoulder, “Have you seen Weasley yet?” she questioned as quiet as she could against the deafening noise of the common room. 

“Nope, not yet, he’s probably off doing something stupid with the boys,” [y/n] shrugged, a little bummed she didn’t get to see him, but still overjoyed with the outcome of the match nonetheless. 

The night passed by in a blur. A few hours packed full of speeches, songs, jokes, stories, and food, everyone eventually falling upon the inevitable crash of exhaustion. Nearly everyone but a few stragglers had retired to their rooms for the night, the common room surprisingly clean for how much chaos had already ensued. 

“I’m heading to bed, you coming?” Evie offered, pushing herself off the couch and onto her feet, sore from the hours of insistent standing. 

“I think I’m going to hang around for a bit, you head up. I’ll make sure I’m as quiet as mouse when I return, won’t wake a soul,” [y/n] promised, waving goodbye to her friend as she snuggled into the couch, the crackling of the fireplace becoming the background to her nightly pondering session. 

She remained engulfed in thought as she recalled the events of today, he face running hot as she remembered Fred’s witty remarks along with the thought that he was indeed wearing her necklace. Her mind reeled enough that she didn’t notice the mop of red hair rapidly approaching her as silent as could be. 

“[y/n]!” Fred whisper-yelled, startling her out of her reverie.

“Shit-! Fred? Don’t scare me like that you moron,” She hissed, shooting her leg out to kick at his defenseless legs. 

He hopped backwards and situated himself on the couch as soon as she’d stopped kicking, “Still got some fight in you huh, the party didn’t wear you out?” 

“Of course it did, I’m just,” She shrugged, unsure of what to answer, “congrats on the win today. You did a,” she paused, pondering her words, “average job. Could’ve been better.” 

Fred’s mouth dropped open as he absorbed her words, shocked and amused that she’d jab at him like that, “You are just being a little spitfire today, aren’t you?” 

“And what’s it to you, Weasley,” She hummed, turning her body to face him, knees still hugged tightly to her chest. 

“I’m starting to think you hate me,” He mumbled, pouting and leaning his head onto the back of the couch. 

“Close but not quite. You can be charming,” She smiled, “sometimes.”  

“You know what,” he sighed, “I’ll take it. Perhaps me keeping your necklace in tact will earn me a few points?” 

He pulled the charm out from under the collar of his hoodie, holding it out like a medal of honor. [y/n] leaned forward and held the pendant in her palm, examining the gold heart for any dents or scratches. Fred held his breath, batting his eyes a few times at how close she was, the smell of cinnamon and sugar heavy coming faintly from her. 

“It seems you did keep it in tact, I’m impressed,” She grinned, letting the pendant swing back onto his chest, tapping it reassuringly with her fingertips. 

“I-uh, thanks,” He stumbled over his words, still recuperating from her closeness, “Do you- do you want it back?” 

“Hm? Oh no, you can keep it. I have a feeling you could use some luck on your side,” She hummed, leaning her chin into the divot between her two knees, looking up at him with inviting eyes. 

“I’ll cherish it until my dying day,” He proclaimed proudly, squaring his shoulder for a moment to enlarge his frame. 

“I have no doubt in my mind that you will,” she giggled, her heart being overtaken by a fuzzy feeling, head lolling to the side. 

Fred glanced down at her sleepy face, her eyes blinking in a slow manner and her body moving sluggishly, “I think you’re ready for bed.” 

“Says who? I’m not even tired,” [y/n] yawned, defeating her entire point. 

“Here, I’ll cut you a deal. I’ll give you my hoodie, just like you gave me your necklace, if you go to sleep right now,” Fred offered, heart hammering in his chest as he realized just how direct he was probably being with such a request. 

Her eyes widened slightly before sinking back down, a lazy smile pulling its way onto her lips, “It’s a deal.” 

Fred grinned widely, yanking his hoodie off by the back of the collar, stretching his arms up and over his head to get it off. 

[y/n] couldn’t help but catch the quick glimpse of his toned abdomen that wormed its way into the open as he forced off his hoodie. She quickly composed herself, trying to not let him see how her eyes were nearly ready to pop out of their sockets. 

“Here, I hope my cologne isn’t too overbearing,” He handed her the hoodie, the locket now on display in the center of divot in his neck. 

She took it graciously and inhaled his scent out of curiosity, her brain going fuzzy at the lovely smell of ceder-wood, evergreen, and mint that filled her nose, “It’s actually really nice, keep buying whatever cologne this is.” 

“Why thank you, that’s actually very kind of you,” Fred smiled sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. 

“Of course,” She smiled, “well, a deal’s a deal. Off to bed I go.” 

“Yeah, Of course.”

The two of them stood up, [y/n] pulling on the hoodie and basking in the glow that was Fred. He looked down at her as she fiddled with the sleeves, turning side to side to get a feel for it, the gesture itself making Fred’s face burn red. 

“I think I look ready to take on the world, what’s your take?” She chuckled, being slightly taken aback when she looked back up to see Fred covering the bottom half of his face with his hand, the tips of his ears burning red. 

“It, yeah, it looks great. Grey suits you, you should wear it more often,” he nodded, still refusing to make eye contact with her. 

“Thanks,” [y/n] nodded, suddenly embarrassed to have even agreed to take it in the first place, “Well, goodnight Fred.” 

“Goodnight [y/n],” he passed her a tight-lipped smile as she shuffled off to her dormitory, he mind suddenly clouded with doubt. 

“She’s gonna be the death of me,” Fred muttered to himself, watching her disappear around the bend, cursing under his breath and heading off to his own dormitory. 

***

“HE GAVE YOU HIS HOODIE!” Evie shouted, shaking [y/n] awake as their other two roommates chuckled to themselves, running around as they got ready for breakfast. 

“That he did,” [y/n] replied in a groggy voice, stretching out her limbs as Evie paced back and forth next to her bed, going on about “a date not being far behind” or something of the sort. 

“Woah, woah, woah, slow your roll there chief,” [y/n] sat up and rubbed at her sunken eyes, “It doesn’t mean anything.” 

Evie stopped dead in her tracks and turned to look at [y/n] with complete disbelief, “You’re kidding right? That’s the most idiotic thing that has ever come out of your mouth, and you’ve said some pretty dumb shit.” 

“It’s not idiotic! He looked at me weird when I put it on and he probably regret it anyways, it’s not that big of a deal, I’ll just return it to him when we go to breakfast,” [y/n] muttered, sitting up and beginning to work on her morning routine. 

“You’re ridiculous, I hope you know that,” Evie scoffed, returning to whatever she had been doing before she decided to corner [y/n]. 

“Mhm,” [y/n] replied. 

The Great Hall was already bustling with students when the two girls arrived, both of them eyeing where they’d be sitting. They settled on a spot between two second years and a few people from the upper years, plopping down in the seats. 

[y/n] couldn’t help by feel nauseous as she cradled the sweatshirt in her lap, glancing up and down the table for the boy that was most likely obliviously responsible for making her regret every advance she’d ever made on him. 

Evie looked over at her poor friend, reaching over and rubbing her back softly to try and sooth the obvious nervous knot that had tied itself in her stomach, “It’s okay. Things will work out just fine.” 

Evie had her downfalls as a friend, insisting that [y/n] be bolder and more direct with the way she carried herself day to day, but when it came down to it she loved her friends dearly and would put them above anything else. 

“Thanks,” [y/n] muttered, poking the french toast around on her plate. 

The two finished their food quickly, [y/n] not taking much time at all as she had chosen not to eat very much anyway. As they made their way out to go spend some free time before their first class of the day, the same mop of fiery red hair made its appearance. 

“Hey [y/n], Evie, how’re you on this fine morning,” Fred smiled, stopping in his tracks as his brother George and their pal Seamus continued on their way to secure spots at the table.

“Just fine thank you Fred,” Evie smiled softly, “I was actually heading to the library to study before my potions exam, so I’ll leave you and [y/n] to it,” she gave [y/n]’s shoulder one last reassuring squeeze before heading off. 

“Good morning [y/n],” Fred chirped, a nervous edge to his voice as he stared down at [y/n]. 

“Good morning Fred,” [y/n] smiled halfheartedly, rocking back and forth on her heels as she worked up the courage to confirm her supposed rejection. 

“What’cha got there,” Fred quipped, pointing to the object clutched in [y/n]’s hands behind her back, “you’re not hiding things from me now, are ya?” 

“Not at all,” [y/n] chuckled sadly, “It’s, uhm, it’s actually your hoodie,” she held it out in front of her, refusing to make direct eye contact with Fred. 

Fred’s face fell, not even trying to hide his disappointment at this sudden turn of events, “Oh,” he reached forward and took it from her. 

“I figured you’d probably want it back, and I didn’t want to give anyone the wrong idea, cause y’know were not, like dating, or anything. And you probably wanted it back anyway, it was stupid of me to take it in the first place,” She started to ramble, heart wrenching at the absolutely broken expression Fred was giving her right then, her mind screaming abort as she wished she could have just taken everything back right then and there. 

“I get it,” Fred muttered, his words clipped short, “Thanks for the hoodie back.” 

Without another word Fred turned on his heel and walked into the Great Hall, leaving behind a cracked [y/n] and blanket of regret. [y/n] started choking up, swiveling around and sprinting to her dormitory, her robes billowing behind her. 

What had she done?

***

The next week had passed by painfully slow. Each day felt like a stab to the gut, the blade being turned deeper and deeper into the wound. [y/n] was miserable, no matter what he friends tries, she was a lost cause, sucked into her own regret. Evie did everything in her power to get [y/n] to warm up again, but she knew it was no particular use. 

Fred had chosen to give [y/n] the silent treatment, even going as far as to avoid her in the halls, common room, quidditch field, you name it. That week had absolutely broken the two of them. [y/n]  had never been so upset over a guy before, that it was exhausting for her to even focus on anything else but the sour taste in her mouth. Fred wasn’t taking it well either, his brother having to practically drag him out of bed for quidditch practice.

This week had a rapidly approaching quidditch match, Gryffindor against Ravenclaw, and the prospects were not looking too well on Gryffindor’s side. Students had taken to relaxing a bit as they slowed down school work to let the quidditch players prep and the other students rest. 

Evie had to go to breakfast herself the morning before the quidditch math as [y/n] had opted to sleep in as she had two free periods that morning. [y/n] wanted to curl up and cry more than anything, the locket she’d lent Fred swinging beneath her shut eyelids almost taunting her. She knew prospects were looking grim for their victory, Oliver Wood would have a breakdown nearly every other day leading up to the match, and she could only wonder how Fred was taking the teams fruitless practices. 

Fred, on the other hand, spent that morning curled up in the common rooms, toying with the locket as he stared out the windows towards the field he’d be playing on later that day. He felt sick to his stomach, his good luck charm feeling less than lucky that day. More than anything, he wondered what he’d done to get her to be so repulsed by his advance, his eyes watering at the notion that she’d done nothing more than respond to him in a friendly manner that he’d just selfishly misinterpreted. 

The quidditch match had finally arrived, the team stalking out of the common room as the other students sat in lackluster enthusiasm, a few of the upper years demanding they show at least a little spirit to hype the team. It was a wasted effort, but the stand still vibrated with anticipation nonetheless. 

The match came and went and it was painful to watch to say the least. Gryffindor did so poorly it was as if you were watching a completely different team. Students left the stands that afternoon, solemn and sad, totally bummed at the outcome. 

[y/n] got caught in the current and ended up at the back of the pack as they filed out of the stands, her hands tucked in her pockets to keep them warm from the cool breeze. She pulled her scarf tighter around her neck and felt a pang in her chest as she recalled just how cozy she’d felt in Fred’s hoodie. Cursing under her breath, she descended the steps, lost in her own mind, completely overlooking the quidditch team that appeared behind her. 

She felt a tap on her shoulder and looked up to see a mop of red hair, but quickly calmed down when she realized it was the other twin, “Hey George,” She muttered sympathetically. 

“Hey [y/n],” He smiled weakly, obviously torn down by the loss. 

“Sorry for the loss. We’re proud of you guys either way,” She reassured him, reaching over and squeezing him in a side hug. 

He leaned into her and smiled softly, “Thank you. I appreciate the consolation. But, uh, I think Fred needs it more,” he nodded his head backwards towards the back of the group, Fred hanging his head low with his brows furrowed painfully close.

[y/n] was taken aback, but swallowed her pride nonetheless and nodded understandingly, excusing herself as she carefully pushed through the crowd, until she ended up at the back.

“Hey,” she whispered, clutching her hands in front of her. 

Fred looked up, his face wet with tears, quickly wiping them off with the back of his hand as he realized who he was talking to, “[y/n]? I thought you already went in?” 

“Nope, got caught up in the surge,” she chuckled. 

“Oh,” he muttered. 

“Yeah,” she chewed on her bottom lip, concluding on her choice of words, “can we talk?” 

Fred wanted nothing more than to say no and run away, his heart wrenching at the inevitable conversation they were going to have where she turned him down gently in that smooth voice she always used when she wanted to be empathetic, but he knew it was unavoidable, “Sure.”

The two broke off from the crowd and settled in a small study room, a hall or two away from the boys changing room where he’d deposited his broom and helmet. They sat on one of the couches that was pushed against the wall, [y/n] with her knees facing Fred who’d rigidly sat facing forward. 

“I’m sorry about the-,”  [y/n] began, only to be cut off. 

“I know you’re here to reject me and I’m sorry I if I ever made you uncomfortable with my advances, it was never my intention to make you feel bad, so you don’t have to say anything or pity me because it’s fine, I should have know from the beginning, and quite frankly-,” Fred began to ramble, all his feelings tumbling out at once, his filter failing him. 

“Woah, woah, woah! Slow down darling, that wasn’t even where I was going to start,” she backtracked, reaching forward and taking his hand in hers, “I was going to say sorry for the game. I was going to build up to that, but, what do you mean I’m here to reject you?” 

Fred finally looked up from his lap and over at her, his face starting to flame a bright red, “oh, I’m sorry.” His eyes started to well up and he exhaled deeply, trying to blink the tears back, but ultimately failing. 

“Oh, come here darling,” she cooed, pulling him to her as he cried into her shoulder, his arms wrapping around her and holding her tightly to his chest. 

They sat like that for a while, Fred dumping all his bottled up emotions into [y/n]’s shoulder while she rubbed gentle circles into his back. Her hand traced up and rubbed at the nape of his neck, fluffing up the curls that lay there. When it seemed like he’d finally gained some composure, she pulled back, sliding her hands up to cup his cheeks. 

“I’m so sorry I ignored you for so long,” He whispered, grasping her wrists ever so softly as she thumbed away the lingering tears on his cheek. 

“And I’m sorry I did too,” She muttered, frowning slightly, “I never thought your advances were uncomfortable. I relished them, actually,” she chuckled awkwardly, biting back her own tears now, “I returned the hoodie and said those shitty things because I didn’t know what to do when you looked at me like that. I thought “there was no way he likes me that much” and I convinced myself I was right.” 

She dropped her hands and started rubbing furiously at her eyes, the pent up emotions finally shoving their way out. Fred pulled her close once more, pressing her head into his chest as she cried into his shirt, his hand caressing her hair reassuringly. 

“I ignored you because I didn’t know what to do with myself,” Fred confessed as she calmed down, “I liked you so much that the thought of you not wanting anything more hurt more than anything. I couldn’t fathom how stupid I’d been, because I didn’t want to. And when you said those things it was like the final nail in the coffin, I realized I had to come to terms with your rejection.” 

“You like me?” [y/n] muttered, looking up at him, somehow in awe. 

“Have I not made that clear enough yet?” Fred chuckled in disbelief, shaking his head, “we’re hopeless. Absolutely and completely hopeless.”

She broke into laughter as he grabbed her and pulled her down onto the couch with him, a shrill giggle leaving her lips as she fell along with him, pressed to his chest.

“Evie was right, I am an idiot,” [y/n] sighed, pushing herself up so she was eye level with Fred. 

“The most idiotic, idiot I know,” Fred concurred, giggling when she gave him an offended look, “Okay maybe not the most idiotic.” 

“You’re impossible,” she huffed, glancing away from him. 

“And you’re infuriating,” Fred muttered, grabbing her chin gently and turning her to face him. 

She watched in silence as he thumbed over her lips, still wet from the tears that had fallen down her face moments ago. 

“Can I kiss you?” 

“I though you’d never ask,” she breathed a sigh of relief, leaning down and connecting their lips. 

It was salty and slow, both of them moving in tandem to bandage one another’s bruised hearts. She caressed the sides of his face lovingly, curling her fingers in his mess of fiery red hair while he pressed her as close as he could, flattening his hands against the curve of her back.

They pulled apart for a moment, both smiling softly, reeling in the moment.

“You have no idea how badly I’ve wanted to do that,” Fred confessed, breathing a sigh of satisfaction. 

“Guess that makes two of us,” [y/n] grinned. 

“Can I kiss you again?” Fred quipped, excitement getting the best of him. 

“You don’t even have to ask,” [y/n] replied, pressing her lips to his once more. 

[charincharge]

Cruel Summer, Part 2

cruel summer masterlist

AN: Thank you all so much for your thoughts and comments. I enjoy them immensely. I thought this was all going to be from Rowan’s POV, but... I was wrong. CW: Drinking, swearing.

The first Monday after Ashryver Playland opens is always Aelin’s favorite day of the summer. It’s a silly tradition her grandparents started, but it’s been a part of her life as long as she can remember. That very first Monday after the park’s first successful week, the Ashryver Galathinius clan opens up their summer home to the Playland’s staff and families for an all day pool party and barbeque.

Summer has always been Aelin’s favorite season. It means spending three months of pure bliss in her summer home, overlooking the waters of Terrasen from her bedroom balcony. And there’s something about Ashryver’s opening week barbeque that always manages to sets the tone for her summer. Summer doesn’t really begin until the barbeque begins. It’s always marks her first something.

When she was eleven, Aelin met her first real best friend, Dorian – one of the board member’s sons. She’d left the party to hide in the music room, trying to teach herself how to play her favorite Death Cab for Cutie song on the large grand piano, when he wandered in, singing on top of her stumbling melody line with a flawless unbroken tenor. He’d flashed her a giant smile and pushed his floppy dark curls out of his face and sat down on the bench next to her. They’d been best friends ever since. And the firsts only continued from there.

As Aelin finishes drawing a perfect cat eye with her liquid eyeliner she wonders what first awaits her this summer.  

“Aelin, ten minutes til guests.” Her mother, Evalin, walks past her open bedroom door and does a double-take. “Wowww, someone looks especially nice today,” her mom says with a playful gleam in her eye. “Might I ask who you’re dressing up for?” she asks, taking in Aelin’s white eyelet sundress and full face of makeup. “Because I know this certainly isn’t for Dorian. Wisely.”

“I heard that,” Dorian says, bounding up the last few steps and onto the second floor landing. He sees Aelin and grins that very same grin he gave her that first day he spotted her a decade ago and takes off running. Aelin squeals as Dorian hugs her from behind and swings her around, lifting her off her feet.

“Dor, put me down, I just finished doing my hair!” Aelin says, shrugging him off, but she returns his smile fondly, even as he flops down onto her perfectly made bed, making himself comfortable and kicking off his flip flops.

“You do look suspiciously nice, Ace. What’s with the dress and the hair? Aren’t you going to swim?” Dorian asks stretching his arms up and placing them under his head.

Aelin ignores him and goes back to finishing her makeup. She uncaps a crimson red lipstick and leans into the mirror to apply it when –

“You know if you’re actually looking to make out with someone tonight then red lips probably isn’t the right choice.”

Aelin slides her eye to the boy on her bed and then straightens up again, putting the red lipstick away. He does have a point. Dorian bolts upright, eyebrows raised.

“We’re making out with someone tonight? Who?” Dorian asks, poking Aelin’s thigh with one of his toes.

Aelin’s cheeks flush as she remembers the name of the staff member she so thoroughly stalked the other night. So thoroughly, in fact, that she’s actually embarrassed about it. But also, who has a public Facebook profile these days? Rowan Whitethorn, that’s who.

When Aelin realized all she had to do was ask her five year old nephew for the name of the man who rescued him, she was easily able to find the man on the RSVP list for the barbeque. And from there, she sat in front of her computer for hours, soaking in every last detail she could find. Grew up in Wendlyn, went to school at Mistward and majored in computer sciences and graduated four years ago. His interests include photography and fitness and baking (what man enjoys baking and posts pictures of it?).

Aelin is extremely curious as to how he ended up working at Playland. A man with that kind of degree doesn’t usually find himself ripping ticket stubs, but she’s not complaining about it. Aelin really enjoys looking at his face. And his arms. And his back. She’s anxious to talk to him today, which is annoying. Aelin is never anxious around men. She’s fun and flirty and confident, but one look at Rowan had her excess nerves dancing in circles and turning her into kind of a bitch. She’s hoping her second impression is a lot better. Hence, the dress. And the makeup.

“We’re making out with no one.” Aelin shoots a warning glance in Dorian’s direction as she puts on a light pink lip stain.

“You and Chaol didn’t get back together, did you?” Dorian asks, and Aelin cringes.

“Of course not.” She turns to Dorian as she puts on the final touch – her favorite gold hoop earrings. “You don’t think your best friend would have told you if we’d gotten back together?”

“I don’t know, that last break up nearly took us all out, so if we could not repeat that, that’d be great.” Dorian stares at her, willing her to fess up, but Aelin refuses to give him anything in return. It’s way too early to tell Dorian anything.

“All right, then,” he drawls in a silly British accent. “Keep your secrets.”

Aelin sticks out her tongue as her mom calls out from downstairs, “Kids! Party guests are here!”

“Twenty-four-years old, and we’re still fucking kids,” Dorian grumbles as the pair make their way down the grand front staircase. Aelin hops up onto the wooden banister and rides it all the way down to the bottom, shouting “Catch me!” to Dorian as he runs and chases her to the foyer.

Evalin scolds them, but there’s no real bite to it.  Aelin fixes her banister-swept hair and makes her way out to the front stairs where she and her parents will greet all the staff members and their families. Her parents are all about making the Playland employees feel welcomed, and they make a point to learn each and every one of their names. Plus, they’re a stickler for etiquette. Aelin can’t remember a time when she wasn’t on the front steps to welcome party guests as they arrived.

“I’ll meet you out back in… an hour-ish?” Aelin tells Dorian. “Steal me a bottle of pink champagne?”

Dorian bows at the waist. “Yes, your majesty.” He chuckles softly when she flips him off.

Aelin is the last to join her family. Her parents and her brother, for all intents and purposes, Aedion, already perched and ready to welcome the first wave of guests.

An hour later and Aelin’s jaw already hurts from smiling. She’s shaken so many hands and met so many people and made polite conversation with staff members from years past, but there’s still one face that hasn’t shown yet, and Aelin is having a hard time not showing her disappointment. He RSVPed yes, which means he should be here. Not showing up would be very rude. Right?

Aedion shakes out his hands and cracks his neck loudly. “Who’s ready for a drink?”

Aelin is reluctant to leave the front stairs. Leaving the front stairs means they’re finished greeting people at the party, which means that party guests have stopped arriving, and she’s not ready to admit that defeat. She gives one last wistful glance down the long empty driveway before giving in.

“Yeah, I could use a large drink,” Aelin yawns, leaning into her big brother’s shoulder.

“You’re not allowed to be tired,” he says with a laugh, squeezing her arm. “You are a sprightly youth and don’t have a ten-year-old and a five-year-old waking you up every morning at the crack of dawn to fight about watching Cars or Disney Fam Jam.”

Aelin looks up at him. “That’s not a real thing.”

“I assure you, it is.”

“This guy needs a drink,” Aelin says loudly as she and Aedion make their way out to the back patio where the party is really happening, and Aelin relaxes a tiny bit. So what if Rowan isn’t coming and she got all dressed up for nothing? She’ll look extra cute in pictures this year. She’s here with her family on the first real day of summer, and she’s determined to have a good day, regardless.

She takes in the scene around her – everyone seems to be having the best time. Caterers mill around the stone patio, holding out trays of grilled meats and veggies. At the far side of the patio is a long bar with an ample crowd around it. Champagne is being popped and spirits are being poured, and there’s endless bounds of chatter and laughter from all directions. In the middle of it all, the pool is filled with children and adults alike, playing games and doing handstands and lounging on floats.

The edge of the pool fades into the perfect view of the ocean. Aelin takes a deep breath as she watches the waves break against the shore. She listens to the gulls cawing overhead and inhales the salty sea breeze. Despite her small bout of disappointment, Aelin is happy.

Aedion’s two kids squeal for his attention from the pool.

“Dad! Auntie Ae!” Evie calls from the far end of the pool, her usual strawberry blonde ringlets sopping wet around her shoulders. “Watch me dive!”

Evie dives into the side of the pool, her dolphin arms in perfect form as she splashes into the water. She emerges with a giant smile on her freckled face.

“Good job!” Aedion beams. “Okay, drinks, now,” he whispers to Aelin, guiding her toward the bar.

“Where’s your wife?” Aelin asks, looking around for the green eyed brunette, who’s usually hovering around her children.

Aedion points ahead, and sure enough the woman in question stands at the front of the bar, looking insanely glamorous in a black one piece with a sheer leopard kaftan, taking shots of tequila with Aelin’s favorite returning staff member, Elide.

“Lysandra brought our babysitter with us today,” he says with a devious smile and snakes his way through the crowds to wrap his arm around his wife’s waist.

“Aelin, come do shots!” Elide pulls Aelin up to the bar, her outstretched hand helping her weave her way through the throngs of buzzed staff members. “We’re celebrating my promotion!”

“Ellie is officially manager level this summer.” Lysandra and Elide raise their newly filled shot glasses and hand one each to Aelin and Aedion respectively. Aelin hates tequila but loves Elide, so she clinks glasses and downs the alcohol quickly, grabbing a lime and sucking as much of the juice out of it as she can.

She shudders and Aedion punches her in the shoulder playfully. “Lightweight.”

Aelin rolls her eyes and reverts the topic back to Elide. “So, big shot manager. Does this mean you’re spending all your time with Lorcan now?” Aelin raises her eyebrows, knowing about Elide’s not so small crush on the stoic manager. “Long nights, just the two of you, arranging schedules in the soft romantic light of the Playland breakroom?”

Elide covers her face with her hand and screws her eyes shut. “Oh my god! No! No that is not what is happening at all.”

“Your mouth says no, but your blush says – ‘Yes, Lorcan, yes!’” Aelin teases, poking at Elide’s rosy cheeks. Elide slaps Aelin’s hands away.

“I just had three tequila shots, of course my cheeks are red.” Elide’s hands go to her cheeks, covering them as much as she can, trying to will away the warm flush creeping over her face. “You’re a monster, Aelin. That’s not what’s going on with Lorcan,” she hisses.

“What’s going on with me?” Lorcan asks, approaching from out of nowhere with a beer in his hand, and if possible Elide’s blush grows even deeper.

“Nothing!” Elide shouts, exasperated. “I’ll be right back. Be good, Aelin.” She throws Aelin a warning glare as she stalks off, and Lysandra and Aedion bite back their laughter as a bewildered Lorcan muses out loud—

“Did I say something?”

“No,” Aelin says, turning all her attention to Lorcan. “Elide was just saying how excited she is to work as a manager with you.”

Lorcan’s face lights up as he takes a sip of his beer. “Yeah, she’s been a huge help so far. Especially with such a new staff this year.”

“Yeah… a lot of newbies this year.” Aelin pauses, wondering if she should probe Lorcan about Rowan. It wouldn’t do any harm, right? “Anyone giving you any trouble?”

“Nah,” Lorcan shakes his head and pushes a long piece of hair behind his hair. “But you know me. I like them to think they’re all giving me trouble, so they act accordingly.” He snorts, amused with his own management technique. “There’s one new guy who is so jumpy around me. I love it.”

“You’re evil,” Aelin laughs.

“I prefer diabolical,” Lorcan replies. “Ah, and it looks like he just arrived,” Lorcan continues with a grin. “Want me to introduce you, so you can see it up close?”

Lorcan points in the direction of the sliding doors that lead out to the patio, and there, in all his tall blonde and board-shorted glory stands Rowan. Finally. But Aelin’s heart drops. Because Rowan isn’t alone. He’s arrived with a girl.

~*~*~*~*~

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[ilikedetectives]

Hi, did you play every AC game? If yes, in term of game plays which are the easiest? For someone without much experience in games, ty!

Not every AC game, because I can handle only so much of cookie cutter games at a time. Before I say more, lemme get this out of the way first: I played the Ezio trilogy back in 2018 because Da Vinci’s Demons was cancelled and I wanted more Da Vinci content and the white and red hoodie looks cool. In other words, I didn’t play the game because it’s called Assassin’s Creed.

The AC games I played so far, by the order of which one I play first. I’ll rate gameplay by my personal preferences (because it’s the only way I know how).

Ezio’s trilogy (AC2, AC Brotherhood, AC Revelations, played in 2018): decent parkour, minimal grind (just invest in the villa and you’re a millionaire in a day or two), very story focused (perfect balance of historical and modern plots). Decent combat. The golden years of AC and I agree.

Unity (played a few months after Ezio): good parkour, medium grind (bigger map and more items to upgrade, you still get to invest in properties so it helps). Time-saver items are on sale for real money aka MTX (ew). Combat is ok, not much difference since Ezio. Historical story is meh (I don’t care for Arnold because Elise’s story is more interesting) and they completely ditched the modern plot (you think Odyssey has little modern day plot, try Unity). Buggiest AC game I encountered and I played this game 4+ yrs after launch (hold on to that thought, keep reading). Ubi spent all of their time and budget doing the interior design (which is gorgeous btw) that they have none left to fix the bugs.

Black Flag (a few months after): chasing flying papers is my favorite activity to NOT do. Grindy af (no property investment). I can’t tolerate the controls for the ship so I hate everything that involves ship in this pirate game, except for sea shanties. You’ll have more fun playing this game as a pirate than an assassin. Combat feels the same since Ezio. Other mechanics are like Unity (understandable). Modern plot is minimal, but it makes bloodline irrelevant and there’s a....soul inside a computer server that wants to possess a human body, meanwhile said soul’s husband is a maniac who has unlimited reincarnations (realism, I know). Black Flag is the gateway game that convinces me that I should stop wasting my brain cells in “what kinda bs realism is dis?”

Odyssey (a month after launch, bought solely because of Kassandra also when I heard Odyssey is set before the creed, oh fuck yea I don’t need to sit through another rehash of Creed crap or at least minimal anyway): oh gods a breath of fresh air from the old controls where you have to hold R2 whenever you want to run and my fingers hurt sfm. Climbing is the best because the protag actually moves where you want them to move. MTX (ew). Grindy but because the combat and movements are smooth, best combat so far; I don’t see Odyssey as grindy because I enjoy my time playing (also Kassandra); I platinum the game on PS4 at around 130 hrs I think, could’ve been earlier but photomode. Fun quests that I giggle whenever thinking about them (I don’t remember shit about any quests in any other AC game, but then again Kassandra). People bitch about no parkour but who parkour in the 450BCE?!?!? Full disclosure: I never cared for parkour and never will. I stop caring for modern plot after how Unity and Black Flag handled it. Playing Odyssey makes me realize that I enjoy AC games more if idgaf for the AC aspect, rather, I play for the fictional historical tourism aspect. Just ditch the AC and voila, blue sky and fresh air. Playing Odyssey also makes me realize that I want a spin-off IP that focus on the Isu so we can go full fantasy. Do I need to say how pretty Odyssey is? lol

Origins (planned to play Origins first, but Kassandra. Also, I remember Amunet from AC2, but somehow we play as a dude in Ancient Egypt, I’m not too eager to find out, despite I prefer Egyptian mythology over Greek and I’d like to thank Yu-gi-oh for that): combat is clunky, heavy, and slow, though no need to hold R2 to run so phew. Grindy af. The bow mechanics is a decade outdated (Horizon Zero Dawn came out the same year and oh boi the difference is night and day, oh yea I played HZD before Origins. I get it the bow isn’t the focus but does it have to feel like Skyrim in 2017?). I’m glad I play this game for the Ancient Egypt (which is beautifully designed *chef kiss*) aspect and no more. 

Syndicate (I play this along side of Origins, still haven’t finished it though. Literally bought the game for Evie and I nut over Victorian fashion): combat is no different from Unity. Grindy like Black Flag and Unity. Story is meh in both historical and modern plot so far. Evie is the only reason I’m still trying to play this game. At least the Helix outfits are included in the Gold edition of the game. Victorian London is gorgeous tho.

Valhalla (only care for this game because Eivor. Tbh after God of War and Hellblade, idc for another Viking game): game is buggy af, buggiest AC game I’ve played. Combat is like Origins but worse: the only saving grace is the finishing move & the bow mechanic hasn’t been improved since Origin; I honestly would rather have combat from the Ezio games over whatever-this-is. You have to toggle a button to run now, which is dumb af because I miss Origins and Odyssey automatic run. They bring parkour back (because Vikings totally dig parkour back in the Dark Ages) as well as the-character-doesn’t-move-where-you want-them-to from the older games. Chasing flying papers from black flag is back, no thx. Looting enemies is useless, but hey you get to run around to look for a key or two or THREE to get some minimal amount of materials; so imagine if 2/3 of every chest in Origins and Odyssey are locked. Oh! You have manually pick berries/food to heal, no healing potion, wtf is this half-ass RPG shit? Side quests, oh sorry World Events, aren’t tracked in an open-world game (guess who hasn’t been doing these bitches?). Grindy af. I’m wasting my time looking at the skill points interface (you have 99 lv in Odyssey, 55 in Origins, 403 power in Valhalla. A game doesn’t feel like grindy if you level up every 2 quests for 403 times, does it? lololol). The useless SP tree is so massive that I just don’t use the skills I acquire because it takes too much time to find out which buttons to push to locate the 10 skills in this 403-dot clusterfuck, but the astronomy design is beautiful (gotta give credit when it’s due). Scummy practice from Ubi: releasing “time-saver” pack AFTER reviews are published. Also, who wanna bet there will be more mtx outfits than in-game outfits? Don’t worry, Ubi makes inventory management cLEaNeR for you *hands over 8 outfits for an RPG game*. The free event bugs tf out of your already buggy event, but hey, you’ll get a free outfit that’s a reskin of what you already have, teeheee be grateful. Eivor is amazing but by the gods playing this game is a chore. Tbh I only play Valhalla if I don’t feel like playing Ghost of Tsushima that day. Lastly, why is England so yellow like it’s Ancient Egypt?!?!? And why the sunlight moves faster than Eivor’s running at full speed? Which parts of this game does realism count?!?!?!?

Unsolicited opinion: GoT is an example of how an AC game should be and how DLCs should be handled, but with Ubisoft it will never be and I’m so fucking glad that it is Sucker Punch Prod which handles feudal Japan with utmost respect and realism. See how “honor” is handled in both games and compare the writing. Ubisoft should have announced ding dong AC is dead and create a new IP, but AC is their most financially successful franchise so expect more of this MTX, I mean, grindy RPG approach with minimal narrative. 

[boogiewrites]

No. 9 The Body Ch. 8

Characters: Diego Hargreeves & OFC Eve Corpuz

Summary:  Eve learns more about her powers while on a real date with Diego.

Warnings/Tags: Flirting. Sexism. Threats of violence. Canon Typical. Date. Diego Protecc. 

Click on my icon then go to my Mobile Masterlist in my bio for my other works and chapters. Please like, comment and reblog if you enjoyed it! It helps out us writers A LOT! If you’d like added to the tags, just let me know. This is a multi-chapter fic.

The day had started strong for Eve. She was being interviewed by a local women’s club for her transformation from using their services to becoming a respected doctor with a winning reputation. It’d been flattering and put a little perk in Eve’s step admittedly.

She was headed from a conference room, a much easier place to get to for a non-employee than her small office. But the ease for the interviewer was something she quickly wished she’d not cared so much about as she felt eyes on her, walking alone back towards her wing. She didn’t typically have to be around the board member hallways, it was a place most women avoided.

“Evie?” A familiar voice that immediately made her nose wrinkle came from behind her. “Long time no see.” Bryon Gray, a son of a bitch who happened to be a son of a chief of staff. They’d gone through residency together and every woman that had ever met him had quickly learned to avoid him. “What brings you over to this side of the hospital.” He gives her arm a faux friendly smack of greeting and she grimaces.

“I had an interview.” She answers flatly, his cross-fitted, legacy-name body blocked her path as he manspread across the hall and put his hands on his hips as if everything he said were to be stopped and observed most intently.

“Now I know everything going on around here.” He winks and taps his temple. “And I haven’t heard about you interviewing for anything.”

This may come as a shock to you Bryon but you don’t know everything, which is what she preferred to say. But instead, “It wasn’t for a job. I was interviewed for a magazine.” She says with a low brow.

“Oh! Which one? I mean, which ones are even in print anymore?” He laughs. “We talking the big NEJM?” He laughs. ”Oh wait, that was me.” He brags.

“No. It’s called Ms.” she begins to lean to initiate an exit.

“Mrs.? It like a wedding thing?” He asks with narrowed eyes. “I thought you were single.”

“It’s M. S. A feminist magazine started by Gloria Steinman in the 70s.” She wanted to slap herself for trying to defend it. He wasn’t worth it.

“Yeah that’s hot right now, isn’t it? What was it for?”

She sniffs and twitches her nose trying to not have such a knee-jerk reaction to this... jerk. "My work.”

“You are all work aren’t you Evie? Always have been.”

“Well, you know me.”

“I know Dads noticed the numbers you've been managing. Makes sense word would be getting around about an ex-stripper turned doctor who has the least amount of deaths of patients by a landslide would be a feel-good piece.”

She wanted to defend herself. To slap him and tell him to kiss her ass but she knew it would be fruitless. “Next thing you know they’ll be making a Barbie of me for all the things I’m great at.” She decides to retort with praise instead of defense. ”Stripper heels and a stethoscope would be a hell of a combination for accessories, huh?”

He gives her a look up and down. “You sure you aren’t dancing anymore? You’re looking... great by the way. Very… tight.” He motions a squeeze with his hands. More like how old male plastic surgeons do when they explain implants to young girls.

“I’ve been working out.” Another flat response as she clears her throat and begins to move far past him to continue back on her path. “I’ve got to get back to work.”

“Keep up the good work there Evie. Both professionally and personally.” She didn’t need to turn to look at him to know what look he had on his face. It was one every woman had had to suffer at some point in her life.

——————-

Eve was determined not to let some silver-spooned dumbass ruin her day. She had much more important things to put her energy on. Like going out with Diego that night. Oh, and saving people. Can’t forget that.

For early spring the air felt heavy and it didn’t help the sour mood that had followed her that day. She had stood too long in the shower, getting pruney, debating on whether to shave above the knee or not. She wasn’t gonna fuck him on the first date. No, she didn’t do that stuff anymore. But was it a first date? She’d known him for months now. Maybe best to not shave to deter her from making any rash decisions.

She’d been particularly mean to herself while trying to find an outfit to wear. She didn’t think she should be so easily frustrated with something like this but she realizes it’s been a long time since she cared about her outfit. Much less fussing over what to wear for a date. As always she played it cool, even when she wasn’t. She was relieved by the few pairs of stretchy denim she had still fit. She wrapped herself up in a black jacket and made her way to the gym in shoes that were nowhere near as comfortable as her usual sneakers. She figured boots with a heel were more low key than pumps. She rolls her eyes and swings her head to shake out the non-productive stream of thought.

“Hey Eve.” Diego’s voice breaks her out of the intrusive thoughts and she gives a smile that doesn’t give away that she’s been in a mood all day.

“Hey, Diego.” She answers in a relieved exhale.

They exchange pleasantries before heading off on foot in the direction of the bar. Her hands kept to the strap of her purse that was across her body. She hadn’t hugged him when she’d greeted him, but should she have? Should she… try to hold his hand? Was that too much? How do you date again? She chews the inside of her cheek.

“You worked today right?” He asked partly to kill the dead air but mostly because he was curious.

“You know I did.” She rolls her eyes and smiles.

“Overnight shift, huh? Have to pull anything out of anybody’s butt?”

He gives a wide boyish smile and she laughs in response. “Not tonight no.” she shakes her head. “What about you?”

“I luckily have not had to pull anything out of anyone’s butt.”

She laughs and gives him and below that knocks him slightly and as he returns to her side he stands closer than before. “Smartass.”

He smiles closed-lipped but proudly.

“Everyone’s always asking me about gross stuff. There are other things to ask a doctor…to ask ME about.”

“Like what?”

“Anything besides butt stuff.” She chuckles at her answer.

“Oh I didn’t think that was where we were going with this so soon BUTT-“

She scoffs and laughs and shoves him again before he comes back at her and smoothly, she must admit put his arm around her shoulders as they walked. “If it’s not then where IS is going?” She gives a playful pause. “Why’d you decide to ask me out?”

“Why’d you say yes?”

“I asked you first.”

“I respect you playing by grade school rules.” He teases before answering.

“What took this from two super freaks helping each other out to Diego asking Eve out on a date?”

“We’re still super freaks.” He corrects. “What do you wanna hear huh?” He gives a cocky nod. “That you’re… pretty? Smart? Funny?”

“I mean it’s a good start so go on…” she smiles.

“I...y’know. You don’t annoy me... all the time.” He shrugs slightly to play it cool. “It’s… easy with you. You aren’t a dick. Well I mean, a real dick. You’re a DICK don’t get wrong-“

“A dick but not a DICK-dick.” She clarifies.

“See! You get it.” He nods his head her way and she feels the sincerity he’s trying to give her in his way. They walk for a moment, the location in sight now. “You not gonna tell me I’m pretty now?” He jokes and hip knicks her before separating for the door.

“You’re very pretty Diego.” She coos as he holds open the door for her.

“That's better.” He bats his lashes and she walks in first, him close and protective behind her.

———————

Diego looks down at his phone with a sigh. “It’s my brother. I have to call him.”

“The serious little one from the gym?”

“ that’s the one.”

“ he doesn’t seem like a patient kind of guy.” She gives a soft laugh to show no hard feelings. “Go on, it’s fine. I understand.” She gives a nonchalant shrug. “If you have to leave just tell me first. Don’t disappear like you’re so good at.”

He gives a quiet, almost apologetic chuckle in response. “I won’t. I’ll be right back.”

Eve takes out her phone to keep to herself and pass the time. Five seemed like a very intense guy. Especially if he was someone that could get Diego to do something he didn’t want to.

“Hey.” She’d heard it already but kept her expression unmoving. “Hey, Girl.”

After the 4th time, it’s clear the guy sat between two friends who looked like they all fell out of the same legacy fraternities, and was not going to stop trying to get her Attention. she turns to meet his eyes with the most indifferent face she could manage.

“There she is. That guy leaves a hot thing like you alone?”

“No.” She answers flatly.

“He...uh, ya brother or somethin’?”

“No.” Another monotone answer

“Ah so is that lucky bastard ya mans then?”

She slowly blinks and takes her time to answer. “Why do you care?”

“I wouldn’t be letting you be nowhere alone if I was your man sweetheart.”

“Duly noted.” She turns back away.

“Oh, a smart one, fellas. You know I like it when they get feisty. What you do baby? You lookin' good as hell. You one of them dancers? Those freaky European girls over at the school?” He laughs and elbows his cohort. “Those broads talk all kinds of smart.”

“I’m a Doctor.” She continues to look at her phone and not engage. Diego would be back soon. And this guy was an idiot.

“Oh! a fuckin DOCTOR bros!” He mocks. “I might’ve listened to my doc if he had an ass like that.”

She sighs and feels her jaw tighten.

“Hey! I got something I need ya to look at sexy doctor. I bet you’ve never seen one like this before.”

“I’ve diagnosed the clap before so I have seen it.”

The guys with him laugh but he doesn’t.

“Why the ones with the smart mouths always such bitches?” He complains with a childish retort. “I was being nice and you gotta go act like that. You’re lucky your so hot sweetheart. Most men wouldn’t put up that shit.”

“Would you put up with it?”

“Fuck no, I keep my woman in line.” He says proudly

“Ah, good. So you can quit talking to me then. Because I’m just going to use words that further confuse you if you keep it up.” She rolls her eyes and keeps on her phone as Diego walks back to the table. For the moment the guy was silent.

—-

Eve excused herself to go to the bathroom, perhaps the beers had gotten to her. Or all the water she was forcing down her pie hole constantly it seemed. Trying to be properly hydrated was hard.

She was still distracted in thought, wondering how much she’d drank in water tonight to know how much she could pour out when she got home. She’d bought a jug with hourly markers because targeted ads worked and it was black matte and had-

Her train of thought is sharply interrupted by a forearm jutting out in front of her path. She looks to the perpetrator and there stands Chad. She assumed his name was Chad. He looked like one, acted like one. And if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck...well you know how that goes.

“I saw you walkin' back here in those tight fuckin jeans and was compelled to continue our conversation from earlier.”

“No thanks, dude. I’d like to get back to my date now.” She answers flatly.

“Ya little man’s left sweetheart.” His other arm comes up and her now to the wall back was tense and defensive. Their bodies blocked the small back hallway and she hoped someone would interrupt them soon.

“Then he’ll be right back.”

“He answered his phone and jetted babe.” He tsks. “Yahate to see it. “ a predatory pout comes across his face as he reaches to caress her forearm. “And to a dime like you.” She tenses and noisily exhales. “His loss my gain yeah?” He laughs and she smells a nauseatingly familiar combination of nacho cheese and cheap beer.

“Excuse me...Chad? Is it Chad? I’d like to get back to my seat if you-“

“I’m right here baby.” He smirks and wiggles his jaw. “Face or my cock girl, I ain’t picky.” His hands move to her waist and pull her against him. She didn’t want to make a scene. To let this asshole ruin her date.

“I’m giving you one chance to get your fucking hands off me bro.” She bucks back, deeper voice and glaring into his eyes.

“Mmm, what are you? Where ya mama from eh? You must be a little Latin mami lookityou.” The slurring was beginning to stand out more. He did loosen his grip and she put as much space as she could between them. Progress.

“It’s none of your business and you’re being rude and you’re drunk. You should go home.”

“Only if I’m taking this back with me mami,” he reaches his hand to her ass and before he’s fully grasped she’s shoved him hard against the wall. “Oh fuck yeah hard to get. I’m gonna hold you down and beat that pussy UP.”

“You couldn’t even get hard you needle dicked dumbass.” She straightens her jacket. “Let me say this so you understand. Leave me alone. I am not going to fuck you, you fuckin rapist. You should be ashamed of yourself. I hope your mother's dead so she doesn’t have to see what a piece of shit she raised.” She moves to walk away.

His glassy eyes look a strange mixture of hurt to mad to confused.

“Everything okay here?” A tone she hadn’t heard from Diego before as he stood with a wide stance in front of Eve but eyes on the walking cliche. “You okay?” He asks softer as he flicks his eyes to hers, a hand lightly on her arm.

“I’m fine. This guy is garbage. Don’t bother he’s not worth it. Just another moron who never got to the cognitive thought stage.” She sighs and pats his hand, heading back to the table.

After doing a poor job of acting interested in Diego explaining something about knives, she kept seeing Chad eye fuck her from across the bar. She could feel his eyes boring into her. He kept looking and acting casual otherwise, eating and running and talking with his beef necked buddies. Eve was no stranger to harassment. She was a woman and a woman who worked in the medical field. She’d been accosted more times than she could count. From old men winking and having their dicks out to young men locking her inside of an exam room and not letting her leave until he got what he thought he was owed.

She wasn’t even mad about him anymore, her rage was fueled by every man that ever made her feel uncomfortable. Every creep ass ex, every older man trying to take advantage of her. She felt like her face should be hot and Diego’s words become background noise.

-

Diego didn’t notice for a while, too excited to talk about a new knife rig he was working on. He looks behind him at the sound of choking and sees the guy that was bothering Eve earlier trying to clear his throat. He notices Eve isn’t responding even when he stands and tries to gasp. He moves to see her still and focused with flickering eyes. Like electricity was behind them. He watched her curiously, eyes set like a lion in the tall grass. He looks back to Chad, now red and holding his throat.

“Eve…” he reaches out to touch her arm and he’s met with a crack of static electricity. She doesn’t even acknowledge him and the guys turning a weird shade of purple. “EVE.” He says harsher and grasps her forearm, feeling the tingle of hair rise on the back of His neck. “EVE! HEY!” he reaches and as Chad's eyes bloodshot he turns her face to him and breaks her focus.

The desperate gasp of air from Chad was immediate.

“Eve… what the hell was that?”

“What?” She blinks rapidly as if she’d just come to.

“He was choking and you were…” he lowers his voice and moves closer to her. Everyone was now preoccupied with Chad. “...using your powers weren’t you?”

Her mouth holds open as her eyes now normal flit back and forth. “I…” she feels it. Something she could identify. A cooling rush in her veins. “I hurt him.” She whispers in shock.

“Yeah, you almost choked him to death. Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m… I did that.”

“I didn’t know you could do that?”

“Neither did I.”

———-

Diego and Eve sit back in her apartment after a fast exit. She seemed worried, so he tried to hide his concern. He kept having to reach for her wrist to keep her on track and eventually settled on holding her hand. They hadn’t said much on the walk back. She was coming to terms with a lot and once again they’d fallen back into the roles of helping each other through these secret things only they understood and out of the dating pool they’d tiptoed in successfully tonight.

“Look you can control them, alright? You can control healing and you can control hurting. They’re the same thing. You got carried away. And that guy was an asshole and he deserved a scare honestly.”

He rubs her upper arms and she wipes at her face with a tissue. “I’m sorry for...ruining tonight.” She sighs out with eyes now makeup-free.

“You didn’t ruin it.” He grimaces. “We’ve just… got sidetracked. It happens.” He shrugs and tries to be supportive.

“I’ve had such a bad day, Diego.” She laughs to not cry and meets his eyes. “I didn’t want to cancel because of it and let it win. But I’ve been so sensitive today. I don’t know.”

“What happened?.” He moves to pull her to the edge of her bed.

“There’s just this guy, Brian at work and he was shitty to me today-“

“Brian who?” Diego quickly interjects in such a dramatic way it makes her crack a smile while he remained serious.

“You don’t have to beat him up.” She gives a thankful smile and pats the back of his hands. He takes her hands into his and lays them in her lap.

“If someone's makin' you so upset you lose control I'm pretty sure I DO have to kick their ass.”

“Thanks. Your heart is in the right place. I appreciate it. Seriously.” She frees one hand as he holds tight to her others. “I don’t want to be known as the woman who you can’t talk to because her b- her friend might beat them up.”

“Your what might beat them up?” He teases with a smile.

“Friend. My friend. That’s what I said.” She whines playfully and he smirks. “He’s one of the director's sons.” She shrugs.

She’d just given him enough information to easily find the guy. Not like he wouldn’t have gone through every Brian in that hospital. “Why would he be a dick to you?” He takes her hand back into his and it makes her smile as she looks down at them. He held her hands in a clear expression of his want to protect her. She thought it was very sweet of him. But she didn’t know he had full intentions of beating the white off Brian.

“Sexism mostly?” She offers and Diego gives her a look of impatience.

“I ran into him and he said some things about my past in a tone that wasn’t nice and he’s in general very… sleazy and gives uncomfortable compliments. No one says anything because he’s Knox’s son so...he’s a privileged white dude. That should tell you enough.”

“It does.” He accepts her elaboration. She was quickly learning he was stubborn as a mule when it came to wanting something, particularly information.

“Then the guy at the bar.” She rolls her eyes.

“Yeah, that asshole.” He sighs. “I would’ve decked him but you seemed like you didn’t want me to.”

“I could r done it myself if I wanted. But I didn’t want to ruin the evening.” She emotes dramatically, saying it didn’t matter in the long run. “He was talking to me while you were gone the first time too.”

“Seriously? Eve. Why didn’t you let me knock his punk ass out?”

“Because Diego I wanted to have a nice date with you. Without involving fighting. We can work it out at training later. I didn’t want to…” she groans.

“Okay, okay. I...get what you’re saying. And I think you’re wrong. But I understand.”

“Thanks. Maybe we’ll get it right next time.” She offers with a tired smile.

“Next time?” His smile gives away his glad reaction to the insinuation.

“Yeah. I figured we could go out on another date. Unless you don’t want to?” He feels her hands begin to pull away and he keeps them close.

“No! I do! I do Uh “ clearing his throat, “I mean I’d like that. It’d be..chill”

She snorts a laugh at his recovery. “I’m excited to go out with you again too. Don’t try to play it cool I already know you. I know you aren’t” she teases.

“That’s cold man.” He deflects and they share a nice pause between them. “We’ll go somewhere where no one can upset you.”

“If you’re with me you could.”

“Normally I’d agree. But I don’t plan on upsetting you... You know. I mean it might happen but like...I don’t wanna hurt you. For real.”

“I think I knew that Diego.” She gives him a warm smile and squeezes his hands. “I don’t wanna hurt you either. I’ve gotten pretty fond of you. As much as I hate to admit.”

“I don’t hate to admit it.” He gives a dopey smile and she pays his cheek.

“Thank you for… everything tonight.”

“Was nothin,” he answers cockily.

“You can be really sweet when you aren’t trying too hard.” She says as they feel their heartbeat flip for a moment as they look into each other’s eyes a bit too long for it to go unnoticed.

“I don’t have to try hard with you.” He answers back softly and he sees his moment. She sees the tell of his eyes moving to her lips, that tilt of his head that made him look like a sweet little pitbull puppy.

She wanted to kiss him. She wanted to thank him for everything he’d done for her. Properly. They could both feel the tension between them now. “Diego… I do-“

“Uh yeah, you’re right. It’s not- yeah-..” he stutters in reaction to what he thought could be rejection.

She smiles and rises to go after him as he puts space between them. “I WANT to, Diego I just don’t think right now is the right moment.” She explains gently with her hands to his chest and she yawns. “I’m exhausted from using my powers tonight. I don’t want to be… not giving you 110% if you get what I’m saying.” She wiggles her eyebrows and it knocks his defenses down as intended.

“Oh. Good. You...you’re right.” He chuckles shyly. “I can go now and I’ll see you at training then?”

“Wouldn’t miss it.” She offers a hug instead of a kiss and he happily takes it. His temple to her temple for a moment and feeling her let out a content sigh in his arms. “Be careful headed home.” She offers as they part. “Despite everything I still had a good time tonight. For the record.”

“I did too.” He offers before ducking out the door with a “Goodnight. Sleep tight.”

She knew she would thanks to him.

@jaegeeeeer​ @diegos-butt​ @anglovesthis @likedovesinthewnd

[nalgenewhore]

A rogue storm had her presumed dead and stranded on the red planet. Left on her own, astronaut Aelin Galathynius has four years to make it to the next drop-site, some two thousand miles. Armed with her smarts and dwindling supplies, Aelin attempts to survive on an inhospitable planet, when the nearest help is only millions of miles away.

masterlist - ao3 - last chapter - next chapter 

+*+*+*+*+*+*

Her question stared at them.

LTN: How’d the crew take it when they found out I was alive?

She typed a new one,

LTN: Are you there? 

Sartaq whispered to Gavriel, “She needs to know now.”

Gavriel swallowed, hard, and ignored the fact that his hands were shaking as he replied.

TNSB: We haven’t told the crew you’re alive.

TNSB: We need them to stay focused on the mission.

It took awhile for her to respond and when she did…

LTN: They don’t know I’m alive?

LTN: What the fuck is wrong with you?

LTN: Are you fucking shitting me right now?

LTN: If you are, fuck you, that shit’s not funny.

Uneasy laughter erupted across the room and Gavriel hastily answered.

TNSB: Aelin, please, watch your language

TNSB: This conversation is being broadcasted worldwide

LTN: Oh worldwide, really?

LTN: Worldwide can suck my fucking dick

LTN: I’m stranded on a fucking planet and my crew thinks I’m dead and you want me to watch my language?

LTN: Get fucked

 +*+*+*+*+*+*

Manon walked into Weylan’s office with Asterin, a look of ‘I told you so’ on her face. He held up a finger and pointed to the phone, speaking into it, “Yes, ma’am. Yes, I agree. She’s under a lot of stress… we understand. We’re dealing with it… Thank you, ma’am.”

He hung up and looked at Manon, “I just had to apologize to the gods-damned prime minister of Terrasen for Aelin’s crass language. What is it?”

“Aelin is right. It’s only going to get worse the longer we wait.”

“You’re only bringing this up because Gavriel’s in Perranth and can’t argue against it,” Weylan commented, a determined set to his jaw.

Manon made a sound of disgust, “I shouldn’t have to clear it with Gavriel or anyone else for that matter, not even you. It’s time, Weylan.”

 +*+*+*+*+*+*

Lorcan was in the ship’s gym, raising himself to the bar and lowering himself again, sweat running down his body.

He had his earbuds in and the music stopped, Nesryn’s voice coming through, “Commander?”

Dropping to the floor and landing neatly, he grabbed the hand towel and wiped his face, breathing hard, “Go ahead, Faliq.”

“Data dump is almost complete,” she said, referencing the private emails and other things that the crew had been sent.

“Copy. Coming to you.” He entered the zero-gravity corridor, rendezvousing with Fenrys, “You look like you’re in a hurry.”

The man grinned a giddy grin, “Nehemia had her six-month ultrasound yesterday, she said she’d sent the pictures.”

Lorcan smiled easily, he was happy for the couple. “Tell her congrats for me and also send along my condolences.”

Fenrys furrowed his brow as he pushed himself forward using the rungs alongside the walls, “Why condolences?”

“Because it’s probably just set in that she’s having your child,” he laughed and easily evaded Fenrys’ poor attempt to hit him as the rotating craft synthesized gravity and they slid down to the rec room, where everyone had gathered.

Lorcan paused by Elide, where she was sitting curled on a couch with her personal laptop on her lap, to crouch before her and take her hand in both of his, murmuring words too low for the rest of the crew to hear.

Nesryn addressed everyone, “Dump is complete and sending out personals right… now. I don’t need to see Fen’s weird pregnancy fetish shit; I’m scarred for life after the incident.” The incident in question was when Nesryn had accidentally mixed up an email and had opened his and Nehemia’s rather… heated conversation. Rowan huffed a laugh at the memory and everyone shared a look; this was the happiest they’d seen him in the three months since they’d aborted the mission without Aelin.

Fenrys groaned, “I told you, second trimester hormones are a bitch.”

“Whatever does it for you, just keep me out of it,” she said, laughter in her dark eyes, “Oh, huh. There’s a video message from Manon, addressed to the whole crew.”

Everyone made their way over to the computer, crowding around as Nesryn clicked on the video.

Manon’s face appeared on the screen and the video began to play, her voice coming through the speakers, “Lani, this is Manon Blackbeak. I have some news to share, there’s no easy way to put this: Aelin Galathynius is alive.”

The knowledge hit the crew like a freight train at full speed and they remained in shock as the message continued, “We know that’s a big surprise and you’ll have a lot of questions but as for the basics: she’s healthy and alive. We found out two months ago and I was ordered not to tell you. We’re telling you now because we have reliable communication with her and a rescue plan. We’ll send you a full write-up of what happened but know that this is not your fault. Aelin has heavily stressed this: it is not your fault. Take time to absorb this, your schedules have been cleared for the next two days. Send all your questions and we’ll answer them. Blackbeak out.”

“She’s…she’s alive?” Elide whispered, voice barely heard.

Fenrys was the first to crack, a slow smile spreading across his face, relief in his eyes, “G-Money lives.”

Nesryn and Elide both huffed laughs and the latter wiped her eyes, shaking their heads. “She’s alive,” Nesryn confirmed, a ghost of a smile on her face.

They all turned to Rowan, his façade slipping enough that there was an upwards tilt to the corners of his mouth. “Holy shit.” The doctor turned to Lorcan, who had remained silent, “Lor?”

“I left her behind.”

Fenrys shook his head decidedly, “We all left, L. All of us.”

The stone-faced commander clenched his jaw, his brow furrowing, “You were following orders.” His eyes shattered and when Elide reached for his hand, he shifted, keeping his gaze on the computer screen. “I left her.”

The group traded glances, not sure what to say. Elide rested her hand on his bicep and without another word, he shook off her hold and exited the room.

 +*+*+*+*+*+*

Nesryn wasn’t paying attention and her wife could tell. The green-eyed beauty paused in her retelling of their teenaged daughter’s, Evangeline, first date. “Nes?”

“Hmm?”

Lysandra chuckled, “You still there?”

“Oh,” Nesryn sat up straighter and smiled sheepishly at Lysandra, nodding, “yeah, it’s just… been a long day. Weird day too.”

Her wife tilted her head to the side, her brilliant eyes missing nothing, “You okay? Want to talk about it?”

“Not really,” she said, her smile growing as a redheaded girl popped her head upside down in the frame, her citrine eyes pressed up against the camera.

“Mama!” Evangeline sat down on the couch next to Lysandra, the fifteen-year-old wearing Nesryn’s TNSB hoodie, the scarred-over slashes on her cheeks stretching as she grinned. She pressed her hand against the screen and Nesryn copied the motion, her eyes watering.

“Hi, my darling,” she whispered, “how are you?”

“I’m good. I miss you, Ma,” she pouted, but soon enough her lips pulled into that brilliant smile of hers again, “I can’t wait to see you.”

“I miss the both of you so much and I can’t wait to see you either,” Nesryn replied, the sight of her family so happy and healthy mending her heart, even if it was just a bit. “Evie, your mother tells me you went on a date?”

Lysandra and Nesryn laughed as their daughter’s cheeks went bright red, her scars stark white against her flushed skin. “…maybe.”

“Tell me all about it.”

“Are you sure? It was a boy,” Evangeline said, a wrinkle to her button nose.

Nesryn faked a gagging sound and inhaled deeply, “I think I can handle it.”

The joyful chatter of their daughter soon spilled from the speakers and Nesryn gave her wife a soft look, mouthing I love you as she let the perfectness of her two favourite people in the world wash over her and strip away the day’s events. 

 +*+*+*+*+*+*

When Lorcan didn’t return for the rest of the night, the sadness that had erupted in Elide’s chest turned to anger and she sought him out, finding him in his bunk, staring at nothing.

He didn’t acknowledge her as she climbed up so she did what any sensible person would do.

She jabbed him in the side with her index and middle finger, finding the soft flesh beneath his ribcage, glaring at him when he cried out in shock and pain. He met her angered gaze with one of his own, irritation rippling in his dark irises beneath lowered brows. 

Elide shook her head, “Don’t know why the fuck you’re pissy with me now.”

He sighed, “What do you want?”

She raised a brow, tilting her head to the side and tracking his face with watchful eyes. “You’re being a dick and I’m not putting up with it so…” she made to leave, blinking back tears, but his hand shot out and wrapped around hers.

“Don’t go, I’m sorry,” he said, tugging her back into his lap. The bunk was already a tight fit for Lorcan, who at six-foot-four and two-hundred and ten pounds was at the maximum size restrictions to be an astronaut, so with Elide as well, it became even smaller. “I’m sorry.”

“You keep saying that,” she murmured, twisting to straddle his lap and brush his hair back from his eyes. “Why do you keep saying that?”

“Because I left the woman my brother loves on a planet, with practically no way to survive. Fuck,” he muttered, closing his eyes and leaning his head against the wall. “I don’t- I love you so much. I can barely breathe right without knowing you’re safe and I… I can’t help feeling guilty for condemning her to death. El.” He opened his eyes and flicked his gaze down to her necklace, where his dog tags laid between her breasts. The weight of her mother’s wedding band hanging on his own necklace had never felt more pronounced. “She might die, alright? And if she does, it will be my fault and I just… I can’t live with the knowledge of breaking Rowan’s heart like that.”

He took a deep breath, not used to speaking that much all at once. Elide offered him a gentle smile and framed his face with her hands, her eyes searching his, “I love you so much. Right now, Ae is alive and healthy, ok? That’s all we need to think about right now. If she dies, it will never be your fault and yes, it will hurt so much – more than anything. If she dies, the whole crew will be broken. We’ll be there for each other and for Ro, too.” She pressed her lips to his, kissing him so softly, it was heartbreaking. “Ok?”

All Lorcan could do was cup the back of her head and kiss her harder, selfishly thanking every god that it wasn’t Elide in Aelin’s place.

+*+*+*+*+*+*

an: welp....now they know! and as always, lovies, comment/send me an ask to be added/removed from the tag list! 

@mythicaitt​ @kandasboi​ @schmlip-scribble​ @the-regal-warrior​ @westofmoon​ @empire-of-wildfire​ @rhysands-highlady​ @city-of-fae​ @shyvioletcat​ @alifletcher2012​ @tangledraysofsunshine​ @ttakeitbacknoww​ @tswaney17​ @ourbooksuniverse​ @flora-and-fae​ @queenofxhearts​ @that-other-pineapple​ @sleeping-and-books​ @superspiritfestival​ @faerie-queen-fireheart​ @chemicha​ @rowaelin-cressworth​ @mynewdreamwasyou​ @candid-confetti​ @bat-wing-rhys​ @the-reading-obsessed-stitchbear�� @feyrethedarklady​ @booklover41802​ @rowaelinforeverworld​ @jamesxdaisy​ @julemmaes​ @hellas-himself​

[youralternantpersonality]

Dreams

Seth x Reader: Wanting you

Warning: Breaking fourth wall. Let me know if you catch it 😉 and gender-neutral parental names

Part 1: “Dreams” by Ella Eyre

Part 2: “You’ve Got It Bad” by Usher

Part 3: “Never Give Up on Love” by Bobby Tinsley

***

Y/n POV

“Will that be all for you?” I say, finishing up writing down the order.

“Well, I could get your number, beautiful.” One thing that is horrible about being a waitress is dealing with the harassment that comes with it. The best way to deal with verbal harassment (like in this situation) is by giving them the “AS,” as my friends would call it. The Awkward Stare. Now, this stare isn’t having ME become awkward; oh no, this is to make sure THEY do. Essentially, you would look at the predator straight in the eyes and give a resting bitch face until they become uncomfortable and silent. To the point where the whole table is uncomfortable. Kind of like your high school teacher would look at the student when no one would shut up. Once they were fully engaged in avoiding my eyes, I gave a final smile and went put in their order at the counter.

“You know, you could be a little less cute and more intimidating?” said Orion, my now lifetime best friend since I had started this job a couple of months ago. I turn to look at him and give him the finger as he walked around me to bring his tables their food.

“He does have a point. Straighten up your back more, pull your shoulders back, and clock your head to the side just a little. That way, you’ll really knock them.” Emily said. She was a regular here. Every Wednesday at 4 pm and Sunday at 12:30 pm, she would come in, go to her usual spot at the counter, and either order the chiefs salad with a side of a sliced pickle, the garden burger with seasoned fries, or 5 stack pancake with orange/apple juice. Her husband Sam or another kid named Jared and his girlfriend Kim come on Sunday morning, grabbing a crap ton of food (so Emily doesn’t have to cook) and leave. Polite men, scary—at least Sam can be, but polite. Jared is just a child, and I can do nothing but pray for Kim.

“You mean like that ugly pink toad lady from-”

“Don’t say it!” I roll my eyes. Ever since KJ Bowling expressed her feelings towards the LGBTQA+ community, she refuses to acknowledge it. The disbelief and sadness that took over for the love of Henry Planter she had were wild, yet kind of crazy to watch.

“Look, it could be worse. You could love the Dawn saga by Tephanie Neyer and find out that she is horrid in disguise. But hey! Once it hit 2 years, you’ll start realizing all the fucked-up shit in the series and slowly be okay. Dawn fans know Tephanie is fucked up, we know the series is fucked up, we acknowledge it all and take full responsibility for liking it, but some still like it. We don’t support it, but we like it.” I tell her, shrugging my shoulders. I have to remember, she’s a rookie in this game.

“That’s true. Why are the best authors the most fucked up?” she says, playing with her fries I just placed down in front of her.

“Because they hate us and know what the population likes. Just like politics.” I say, stealing one of her fries.

“I don’t know how you guys like that series! Wasn’t there racism, classism with the Ghoul’s and Werecats, hyper-sexualization on the prides where the cats came from, misinformed information, plagiarism, and too, I don’t know, squishy and fluffy in them?” Orion asked.

“First off, they were shapeshifters. Secondly, only in Dawn, Dusk, and Night were squishy. But only because Bethany and Elliot were on their honeymoon in the last one. Daytime didn’t have it because Elliot broke up with Bethany.” I nod in agreement while grabbing the food for my tables.

“I thought their name was Ben and Evy?”

“No, that’s the gender swap version,” I say, walking away with the food. I place the food down at one table and refill drinks to another; some of the reservation guys come in. Seth, Embry, Jake, and Quil. I look over to Orion to call him for his table, but it looks like he and Emily are in a heated discussion about the book series. So, I take over for him. As I walked over to the table, I made eye contact with Seth, and my stomach flipped.

Why you in my dreams? Don't know much about you But I heard about you for the longest time And I see you 'round whenever I go out With some friends of mine And I remember when I saw you standing in a different light It's funny where my mind goes when I'm in my bed at night though

As I lay in bed, I notice that my feelings become stronger and stronger for him almost every time I see him. He was a few inches shorter than me, cheerier, and lanky. I always saw Seth and his friends, but out of nowhere, these…flutters? Feelings? Emotions I don’t like started eating me up every time I see him. I know it might be a crush, I won’t even deny that, but…why?

I toss and turn that night and eventually give up on trying to sleep and just stare at the ceiling, thinking of him. Confused and resistant to even wanting to think about it. The last thing I need is to be in a relationship while in my fucked situation as is. I don’t need my guardians knowing anything about Seth either.

But then again, just like evil authors, life fucks us all over, and you can help but go along with it. Well, unless you sue them. Then that’s different.

'Cause I push you away in real life You ain't even close to my type But when I'm sleeping Everything's upside down, upside down, yeah I saw you last night in my, my dreams It felt so beautiful, I almost believed We were a thing and I liked it I never looked at you like this Till I saw you last night in my, my dreams Why you in my dreams? (Why you in my? Why you in my?) Why you in my dreams? (Why you in my? Why you in my mind?) Seth POV

I saw her again today. She was walking down the hallway with Orion and Kayla to gym class, and we made slight eye contact before Jake decided to take my attention away from her. I look at him, but I don’t really pay attention to him. I don’t know when it happened, but I have always loved Y/n. When she transferred here in middle school, she was cute, shy, and had (and still has) a babyface.

I could never talk to her. Every time I was around her, I’d get so scared and freeze up. And although we’re in high school, I still can’t control it. Lately, my feelings have been getting stronger. Not just with her, but in general. I don’t know what it is, but it’s taking a lot more of my energy trying to control myself. Leah and mom have noticed it too. But Embry was the worst. Speaking of which,

“Hey, where’s Embry?” Quil and Jake looked at each other and shrugged their shoulders.

“But did you hear a word I said?”

“Obviously not. He was too busy gawking at Y/n.” Quil said, laughing. I rolled my eyes and walked away. Ass-whores.

After school, we head to the diner and, like always and on cue, Jake and Quil make fun of me because Y/n works there. I roll my eyes at them and attempt to push them off me without smiling, but I can’t help it; they’re stupid. It’s not their fault.

Fell asleep at nine And once I closed my eyes, girl, you were so, so mine We laid in the dark, you left in morning light But, girl, it felt so right And if it's in our minds then we should make it life Girl, I mean real, real life Nothing's never for ya We were all and over for ya 'Cause I push you away in real life You ain't even close to my type But when I'm sleeping Everything's upside down, upside down, yeah I saw you last night in my, my dreams It felt so beautiful, I almost believed We were a thing and I liked it I never looked at you like this Till I saw you last night in my, my dreams

That night I quickly dreamed of her without even having to try to at this point. Every time I want to or attempt to talk, I freeze. Thinking about her just makes me feel…warm. Her beautiful y/e/c eyes are captivating. They’ll draw you in, and once you’re in, you’re stuck. Her y/h/(L/C/T) hair embraces and defines her facial features.

The dream always starts out the same. I’m running through the forest at a high fast pace towards a place that always ends up being her home. I follow around the house to her room on the left side of the house towards the forest. As I look at her window, I see her sitting at the window seal and we instantly make eye contact. My heart stops for a second—she smiles and I walk up to her window to come inside. She doesn’t open the window. She places her hand on the window and my much larger now hands cover hers. We look at one another and smile.

I’m not bothered by her not opening the window. I’m just happy she isn’t freaked out about my presence. Unfortunately, every time she goes to open the window, my alarm wakes me up. And when I mean alarm, I mean Leah.

I groan and curse her and the need to wake me up so early. As I get ready, I think of Y/n and I can’t help but smile. Today’s going be a good day.

Why you in my dreams? (Why you in my? Why you in my?) Why you in my dreams? (Why you in my? Why you in my mind?) Y/n POV

The weekend comes and I’m heading in for my shift Sunday morning. I usually wouldn’t work weekends, but that was before I met Emily. I have Friday and Saturday off instead. It’s eight in the morning and Kayla, two of the cooks, and I all pile in before we open at nine. By 9:30, a few families start piling in and by 10, we have the food catered to Sam or Jared ready.

“Hey, Kim!” I wave to her as she walks into the diner. She waves back and heads to the counter. After setting up my table, I head over to the food and help her pack it up in the truck.

“I see you guys ordered more food than usual. Did more family members move into the area?” I say, passing her the multiple trays from the cart to the car.

“Yeah…something like that,” she laughs it off, “but rest assure, this will be gone within the next 45 minutes…maybe sooner.” I laugh with her. I believe her 100 percent. After seeing Jared and Sam, I already know their family that Kim describes them to be, is just as big, if not larger, then this food should hold them off for 2 hours. Maybe.

“Well, that’s all of them: drive safe, Hun. And stop by sometime after school. You’ll miss the adventures of Orion and Emily arguing over pink and rose gold.”

“Aren’t they different?” I nod my head. “But they’ll argue over that?” I nod my head again. She shakes her head and smiles. “Em usually starts it?”

“Sometimes. Only when she needs a good laugh or when she just feels like fucking with him. Last week they were in a heated discussion about the Dusk saga.”

“Oh, dear god! She told me about that. I can’t believe she went that deep into it with him.” Kim laughs.

“I know. That’s probably the only time they’re not being repelling off the same topic. Normally one would disagree for the fuck of it, but they put their fuckery aside and agreed to agree on that topic.” We both laugh. I finish up my conversation with Kim and head inside.

If I gotta fall asleep, sleep to see ya Then I'm gonna fall asleep, sleep to see ya It's different in the daylight Miss you, I dunno know why If I gotta fall asleep, sleep to see ya Let me fall, fall deep, deep to see ya It's different in the daylight See you in a new light 'Cause I push you away in real life You ain't even close to my type But when I'm sleeping Everything's upside down, upside down, yeah

I wave bye to Em, and Orion comes in. I clock out for my break and go sit in one of the booths in the back. As I am prepping my garden burger with ketchup, I think back to my dream I had last night. This one was recently new, confusing, but knew. I take a much-needed bite of my food and relax for the next 15 minutes.

I just got done with my daily nighttime routine, unable to sleep due to Taylor and Kennedy arguing, I go to my window and look outside. I look up at the sky and just drift off into a world of daydreaming until something catches my eye in the bestrew of trees next to my house. As I continue to look, I see big brown eyes of an animal. I smile and the animal walks out of the trees slowly and morphs into Seth. I smile brighter as he comes closer and closer to me. By the time he reaches me, I can feel myself become excited and full of glow, happiness, and this sensation of warmth.

He steps up to the window and smiles down at me. I place my hand on the cold glass and he looks down at my hand and does the same. I can feel the heat radiating from his skin, which only makes me smile more. I unlock the window and just as I am about to open it, my alarm wakes me up.

I’ve been stuck on this for so long that Orion had to shake me out of my daydream. I put my food aside for later and went back to work. I’ll just deal with the dream another time.

I saw you last night in my, my dreams It felt so beautiful, I almost believed We were a thing and I liked it I never looked at you like this Till I saw you last night in my, my dreams Why you in my dreams? (Why you in my? Why you in my?) Why you in my dreams? (Why you in my? Why you in my mind?)

MasterList

[telli1206]

The Only Time I Feel Alive Is When I Find Something I Would Die For (Part 2)

Mal’s plots turn personal when she cooks up a plan for her big brother, Jay, and Evie’s brother, Carlos.

Part 1 is here.

This also based off a @bunny-lou​ prompt from this post.

Evie has to admit, Mal can really be insufferable sometimes. 

Whatever plan she has, Evie can’t help but worry a little as to why Mal needs to have her brother involved. One minute her purple-haired friend is all talk of of their school assignment/actual plot to rule the isle, and the next minute she’s asking her to bring Carlos to a secret movie screening being projected on the side of a factory just outside of downtown, and refusing to give any explanation as to why. 

Of course, Evie has her theories. After all, you can’t just ask if someone is single without having any romantic ulterior motives can you? Mal is smart, sure, but Evie wasn’t born yesterday. She’s spent enough time with her best friend at this point to surmise at least part of her plotting before she attempts a follow-through.

But Evie’s not sure how she feels about that, since she has really no idea what Mal’s romantic intentions are for Carlos. Does she have a crush on him? Is Mal trying to plan a date for herself with Evie’s older brother?

For some reason, the thought of Mal flirting with Carlos leaves a lump in Evie’s throat and sends her stomach churning. Mal is her friend, and she doesn’t want to lose her time with her in favor of her brother. Or anyone else, actually. She enjoys every moment she spends with the girl with purpley hair, fiery green eyes and a devilish pout. She doesn’t want to give that up to anyone.

But she can’t ever deny Mal anything. 

“I’m glad you found out about this screening and invited me, Eves. I’ve been dying to see this movie,” Carlos tells her, smiling brightly ahead as they walk.

“Of course! Thanks for agreeing to be my chaperone so mom would let me go,” she giggles, bumping him playfully in his shoulder. “But I did know that this movie would be right up your alley. A guy travelling across the country to find a girl he met online is just romantic enough to catch your interest,” Evie teased, making Carlos snort at her and shake his head.

“You know me too well, sis. But don’t you start spreading the word that I love rom coms. You might ruin my rep,” Carlos adds with a wink.

Evie can’t hide the chuckle that bursts from her lips. “Sure thing, bro. Gotta protect that rep that I’ve never heard anyone talk about ever.” 

Carlos tries to give Evie a knowing glare, but his eyes are alight with laughter, and the pair chuckle quietly to themselves as they finally approach the crowd gathering in front of the factory.

-----

“Why am I here again?” Jay moans,unable to hide his irritation.

Mal rolls her eyes. “Because mom didn’t want me to die going out at night alone? You can’t just be my chaperone for once and NOT bitch about it?”

Jay slouches back on the blanket they laid out with a quiet ‘oomph,’ glaring daggers at his sister but otherwise keeping quiet. Mal huffs, checking her phone for the tenth time, waiting for Evie to respond to her text. She’s not late persay, but Mal is eager to put her plan in motion. She’s fairly sure Jay is completely oblivious, despite her odd request for him to brush out his hair and brush his teeth, griping and asking why Mal suddenty cared about his appearance. Luckily, he had bought her whining that she didn’t want to be embarassed being seen with him and just shrugged it off, while still adding a jab about her being too much of a princess if that’s what she’s worrying about as he went about with his primping.

“What’s this movie about anyway? I swear if this is some lame ass romance I’m leaving you here to fend for yourself,” Jay sneers, grinding his teeth at the thought.

Before Mal can answer, her phone alerts to the text message she’s been waiting for. She smiles disarmingly as she reads, peaking Jay’s curiosity. He tries to lean over to see but she quickly clicks off her screen, standing up and looking out to the back of the parking lot.

“Well I won’t be alone now if you want to leave, but I have a feeling you won’t,” she says, chuckling to herself. Evie comes into view, waving excitedly when she sees Mal, with Carlos in tow just behind her.

A glance over her shoulder is more than rewarding, as Mal is greeted with the reaction she had expected - Jay is frozen, openly staring at the boy with Evie, his mouth agape. 

“Keep yourself in check, lover boy,” she mumbles, tipping her shoulder up to tap Jay’s mouth shut. He stands fully upright, shaking himself out of his stupor as he glares at his sister.

“You did NOT tell me Carlos was coming,” he hissed, his hands frantically smoothing his hair and clothing, trying his best to look presentable.

“Would you have come if I did? Or would you have chickened out, like yesterday?”

Mal keeps her eyes trained on Jay as he stares back, stunned. Finally, he lets his shoulders slump in defeat, prompting a tiny snort from Mal as she turns to face him, patting his shoulder reassuringly.

“Forget it. The point is, you have your shot now. DON’T blow it,” she insists, pointing insistently in Jay’s face.

Speechless, Jay merely nods, turning back to face the approaching siblings.

Carlos’ face mirrors Jay’s, surprise in his eyes, mouth open. But Evie shares a knowing look with Mal, and the fact that her best friend has already figured out her idea has Mal absolutely glowing. No one will ever get her like Evie does.

“Hi Mal! Jay!” Evie greets them warmly, grabbing Carlos’ arm to pull him in front of her. “Jay, you remember my brother, Carlos, right?”

Carlos’ lips turn up into a weak, awkward smile as he lifts his gaze to meet Jay’s. Jay smiles back, gulping loudly as he tries to respond.

“Of course. Hi, Carlos. It’s good to see you again,” Jay replies sweetly, tipping his head to the boy.

“Y-you too. Jay.” Carlos voice is barely above a whisper, and for the first time Mal notices that Evie’s brother seems just as flustered around Jay as Jay is around him. 

Her plan might go even more smoothly than she thought.

“Alright!” Mal interjects loudly, clapping her hands together for attention. “Now that we’ve had introductions, why don’t you both join us on the blanket we laid out?” She offers, gesturing to the spot they prepared just to the side of them.

As the boys start to sit, Mal walks behind them to quickly grasp at Evie’s hand, holding her back. Evie quirks a brow, eyeing her quizzically.

“Come to think of it, I should probably run to the bathroom before the movie starts. Evie, do you need to go?” Mal’s eyes widen as she stares at her blue-haired friend, giving her a tiny wink when she turns her back to Jay and Carlos.

“Oh...oh! Yes, I do. Thanks for reminding me, Mal.” Evie turns up the wattage on her smile, stretching it so wide it almost looks like her face could break. 

The boys pause in their movements, but Mal places firm hands on Jay’s shoulders to push him to the blanket, with Evie nodding to Carlos to join him. Finally seated, they glance at each other only to look away again quickly. 

Mal fights back an eye roll as she watches them. These boys are so ridiculous.

“We’ll be back in a minute,” she assures, grabbing Evie by the hand again. Before walking away, she quickly dips her head behind her brother.

“Compliment him.” she whispers in his ear, picking up her pace to walk away as soon as she’s sure Jay hears her. She practically takes off, forced to pull Evie along to keep up. 

When she’s sure the boys aren’t watching them, Mal lunges behind a row of garbages cans, yanking Evie down with a tiny yelp beside her.

“Ready to watch some terrible flirting?” Mal jokes. She leans close to the bluenette beauty, until their foreheads are almost touching. The girl grins toothily at her, using her free hand to point to a space between the cans with a perfect view of the blanket.

Mal comes in close, her breath hitching as she presses her cheek against Evie’s to get a better view through the small opening, letting her eyes shut for a second to revel in the touch of her friend’s petal soft skin. They stand perfectly still, breath shallow as they strain to listen.

“You know, you could have told me your plan,” Evie tells her, tone breathy. “It’s not like I wouldn’t have helped if I’d known. You know I hate being left in the dark.”

“Now where’s the fun in that?” Mal giggles, turning a side eye to the girl pressed against her. “Besides, I love how fast you always figure things out, Eves. You’re an evil genius, too, just like me. You know that?”

Mal can feel Evie’s face warming against hers, and Mal feels a warmth of her own blooming in her chest, just from knowing that her words had made the bluenette blush. 

She gives Evie’s hand a squeeze, tilting her head through their makeshift peephole. “Shhhh, now. We need to hear this. Knowing my brother, there’s a good chance this could still be a shit show, even after all my help.”

-----

Jay nervously picks at the hem of his jeans, keeping his eyes trained on the patch of blue blanket between his legs. He steals glances of the boy next to him every few seconds, seeing how Carlos focuses on the people setting up the movie screen, and that he’s fisting the blankets in his hands as he pays close attention, almost examining the equipment as if he was trying to figure out how it works.

A few minutes have passed in complete silence, and Jay feels restless with each passing second. The command from his sister repeats in his head, and as much as he tries to push it down, he knows it’s his best shot to get things moving forward with Carlos.

 But before he can think of something to say, he startles, turning to face Carlos as hears the boy loudly clear his throat.

“S-so...” Carlos starts, slowly. “Were you, excited to see this movie, too? Is that why you came?”

Jay’s sure Mal didn’t even tell him what they were seeing, but simply nods in agreement, too eager to finally be engaging in conversation with Carlos. He looks up, meeting the boy’s gaze, and he feels his mouth instantly go dry. He’s met with beautiful, deep pools of dark chocolate brown, brows furrowed only slightly as Carlos waits for Jay to talk.

“Uh, yeah man. I can’t wait.” He stares, waiting for Carlos’ reaction.

The boy’s face is blank for a moment, as Jay holds his breath. Finally, his lips curl into a hint of a half smile.

“Really? That’s great. I actually thought I might be the only guy on the isle that geeked out over rom coms.”

Shit.

Jay almost winces, but forces himself to hold his composure. Carlos was smiling, after all. Smiling at him. That was most important.

“Uhhhh. Yeah, man. They’re great. I love them.”

A weird snorting noise in the distance jolts him for a moment. He’d recognize that unpolished outburst anywhere. Mal.

A quick scan around him shows no sign of an irritating little sibling, but the reminder of her presence is enough set him back on task.

He pauses to think, wiping a few beads of sweat off his forehead as he does, and then brushing away a few strands of hair that are sticking to his face.

“Man, it’s hot,” he comments, glancing at Carlos.

The boys nods, his curls bouncing softly in the movement.

“I wish I had your hair,” Jay says wistfully. He reaches a hand up, slowly, grazing a few ringlets with his fingertips. “You always look good.”

The sudden silence is deafening, and Jay’s hand tenses at the sight of Carlos’ widened eyes and parted lips.

“I mean, your hair! It always looks good. Mine is a sweaty, sticky mess right now, see?” He gestures frantically, pulling his fingers through some sweaty pieces. “Do you, like...curl it? Yourself?”

Carlos tilts his head, looking like a lost puppy. “Um, it just. Curls this way. I don’t do, anything?”

“Right! Of course not,” Jay relents, biting his lip. “Well, it still looks good. It...suits you. Like, really.”

Carlos can’t hide the smile the spreads across his face, brightened with a pink flush that blooms almost immediately. Jay visibly relaxes when he sees that, heaving a sigh of release. His eyes never leave Carlos’ as he returns the smile, his teeth flashing prominently as his grin spreads even wider.

“Thank Evil,” Mal breathes, squeezing Evie’s hand. “That was touch and go for a minute there. Good thing my brother finally got his head out of his ass.”

Evie giggles as she stands, pulling Mal up with her. “Oh stop it. That was cute. Carlos likes him, I can tell. There’s definitely something there.”

“Yeah, I see it,” Mal agrees, swinging Evie’s hand casually as they walk back. “That’s why i had to help that dumbass brother of mine get his shit together. Who knows if he’d ever have made a move without my help.”

“Who knew you were such a good sister?” Evie teases, quirking a smile at her friend.

“Um, I did, of course,” Mal snidely remarks, chuckling at Evie. “Not gonna lie though, I might have my own, personal reasons, too.” She stops a few feet short of the boys, holding Evie back with her.

“And once I can get my lame brother to seal the deal, I just might let you in on them, Eves.”

[lunanight2012]

A Whole New World Chapter 1 Part 1

Key:

{Y/N} = Your Name

{E/C} = Eye Color

{H/L} = Hair Length

{H/C} = Hair Color

{S/C} = Skin Color

{N/N} = Nickname

{L/N} = Last Name

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1 year later

(1st person pov)

A whole year has passed since I came to this world and you know what. I love it!

Harry and I have been paired together, and well. We kinda have a thing. I have long since gotten rid of my old clothes and became a full fledged pirate. Oh and Harry and I live together in his apartment.

He's become my best friend, I've never had a best friend so this was nice.

"{Y/N}! Hello? Ya coming?" Harry exclaimed from the hall.

"I'm comin!" I exclaimed, getting my bandana and tying it around my head, keeping my {H/C} {H/L} out of my face.

I headed out of the bedroom and over to where Harry was waiting for me at the door. I smirked, a very mischievous idea coming to mind. I grabbed his hook from him and bolted out the door, giggling like crazy.

"Get back 'ere!" Harry shouted, chasing after me, though I could hear the laughter in his voice.

I laughed as I dodged residents in the market, making my way towards Ursula's Chip Shop. 

Making it inside I placed his hook on the sword check barrel, placing my sword inside before I scampered off towards Uma.

"Bout time Ya showed up… where's Harry?" Uma questioned as I got on my apron to help out at the shop. 

I didn't even answer, just gestured at the door as Harry ran through, grabbing his hook off the barrel and placing his sword in the barrel.

"Ye little brat!" Harry exclaimed, though it was easy to see he wasn't angry, with that goofy smile on his face.

Yea I may or may not do this to him regularly, i perked up as Uma started to swear at the tv.

I walked over to the tiny television and watched with Harry, Uma, and Gil.

"WHAT? THOSE BASTARDS GET TO GET OFF THE ISLE AND WE DON'T???" Uma screamed.

I held Harry's left hand, we just stood there watching a limo pull up to the Auradon school and there they were. A bunch of scary idiots, Mal, Evie, Carlos, and Jay. Harry knew how much I wanted to get all the kids off the Isle, but we were Uma's crew so to Uma we wanted to get off the Isle ourselves.

Harry squeezed my hand, knowing what we were seeing was really bugging me.

"Uma! Imma take {Y/N} to the beach. She's not doin good." Harry explained untying my apron and dragging me out of the shop and down to the small littered beach.

"Come on {N/N} what's wrong? I know ye don't like that they got chosen to go to Auradon but what's really botherin ya?" Harry asked me, crossing his arms over his chest. 

I stared at the ground, not saying anything. I just wanted to tell him I like as more than a friend but I'm scared.

"I just feel horrible that those jerks get to go to Auradon and you guys don't. Why can't you guys have a nice life with those goody two shoes. I mean heck there's a lot of gorgeous girls in Auradon. I mean have you seen Prince Ben's girlfriend? What was her name???" I rambled on, trying to remember Aurora's daughter's name.

Harry lifted an eyebrow but went along with it. "Audrey? Yea she's alright. I ain't really the princess type if ye haven't noticed {N/N}." Harry stated, showing off his hook.

I chuckled, rubbing the back of my neck. Suddenly a clinking bottle drew us away. Of course Captain Hook would find us here on this spot of the beach.

"Boy! Where the hell have ye been!! And who is this pretty thing?" Hook held out his hook, brushing some of my hair back. 

I cringed and backed away, only for him to grab my wrist with his non-hook hand, rather tightly might I add.

"Where do ye think yer goin? Yer coming with me!" Hook exclaime, a VERY creepy grin on his face.

Harry grabbed his fathers hand and ripped it off my wrist, pulling me behind him and glaring at his dad.

"She's mine pops. Fuck off and be pissed somewhere else!" And as soon as those words left Harry's mouth a loud smack could be heard, followed by me gasping.

Yeah, Captain Hook bitch slapped his son across the face. "How dare you talk to me like that you lowly punk! You sir are coming with me." Hook grabbed Harry's left wrist and dragged him away. 

Harry turned back to me, mouthing ‘get back to Umas now’

I whimpered, watching helplessly as harry was dragged away by Hook ‘im sorry’

~back at Ursula's Chip Shop~

I walked back into the shop, head hung low, trying to not cry.

"Where the hell have you bee- where's Harry?" Uma asked looking around.

"His father tried to take me away, so Harry stepped in and his father slapped him and took him away, it's all my fault…" I explained, a sadness to my tone.

Uma dropped whatever she was holding. "Dammit! That bastard is an abusive fuck! {Y/N} go find some bandages, and some needle and thread. Gil, go boil some water! It is gonna be a long day." Uma ordered.

I nodded and ran towards the stalls. Stealing everything Uma asked of me. Running back towards the Chip Shop all I could think of was what was gonna happen to Harry. Is he gonna be ok? This is all my fault. If we had just stayed at the shop-

"{Y/N}! Did you find everything?" Uma exclaimed, drawing me out of my mental breakdown.

I nodded and handed her everything. She nodded in approval and placed them behind the counter in a safe place.

And so while we waited for Harry to return, I helped out Uma at the Shop. It was a rough time helping out without Harry. Mostly because grown men were hitting on me and ugh!! I just want Harry to come back safe and sound.

2 hours later~~~~

I groaned as I held my head, tired of the drunken whistles and catcalls coming from the older male customers. And yes I've been grabbed a couple of times already. My butt, my wrists, my waist… need I go on?

I slumped against the bar as Uma pushed a plate towards me, with fish and eggs and oh!

Harry came in right then, his hook on his belt, hugging his right arm. I ran to him, tears in my eyes.

"Harry!!! I'm so glad you're back!! Wait what's wrong with your arm?" I asked, about to hug him but stopped as I noticed blood dripping down to the floor from his right arm.

"Dad fucked up my arm" Harry explained, wincing as he walked over to the bar.

Uma saw Harry and ran over to him. "I swear to Poseidon, I will kill that fucker dad of yours once and for all for what he's done to you! The bastard doesn't deserve to live!" Uma raged, her shell necklace glowing from beneath her shirt, trying to unleash umas anger, but to no avail.

Uma took Harry over behind the bar counter and got out the medical supplies and, Gil and I’s help, stitched the slice on his arm back up and created a sling for his arm. Uma ordered me to take harry home and make sure the cut didn’t get infected.

I sniffed as I eyed Harry’s arm, seeing blood splotches blooming beneath the white of the sling.

“Harry?” I whispered, he hummed, wincing as he turned to look at me “why did you do that for me? Protect me from your dad? It only caused you harm” he stopped walking, stared at me for a moment, that’s when I finally noticed his face, littered with bruises and cuts, his lip busted and scabbed, a blackening eye.

“I” he started, closing his eyes, taking a deep breath, “I care about yeh lassie, I couldn’t let him do tha’ ta yeh, not on my watch”

I felt my eyes tear up. "N-no- no one has ever cared about me that much." I whispered, rubbing the tears from my {E/C} eyes.

Harry was surprised by that. "Really? Now tha' is surprisin'. Yer very special, don' ever let anyone tell ya differently." Harry stated, pulling me to his chest, I began to cry.

We stood like this for only a moment longer before people started noticing us. Harry grabbed my hand with his good one and we ran to the apartment. Ducking, jumping, squeezing past all the people in the marketplace was a task but we were both laughing by the time we got to the apartment.

I placed my palm on the door to open it, slightly wincing. But hey what can you expect from permanent scars on both of my palms, that still hurt even after a year.

Harry frowned. "Scars hurtin?" He asked me once we were inside.

"Yea. But it's alright." I smiled as I closed the door behind Harry.

"Let meh see 'em." He stated, holding out his good hand. 

I sighed and placed both of my hands in his hand. He pulled my hands up to his face and kissed them. My face turning bright red.

He smirked. "Ok lass. Now I've waited a year but I've got two questions for ye." Harry stated, sitting down on our rundown couch.

"Ok." I remarked, raising an eyebrow.

"First off. You mentioned you had an affinity for water. What do ye mean by that?" Harry asked me.

I sighed, sitting on the stool across from him. 

"Alright, guess I should expect this. When I was very young, really my entire life, my mom didn't really like me. And now that I think about it, no one in my family liked me. I never got what I wanted for my birthday. My mom kept me inside as much as possible. But when I was young, on rainy days I would sneak out to the backyard and sit on a big log that laid in the back of our backyard and would just giggle as the rain wouldn't touch me but would lightly swirl around me. Of course when my mom saw me she'd scream bloody murder and drag me back inside. Granted the minute she would grab me the rain would hit me. As I got older I learned that being "special" was not something people should know. I needed to keep it locked away. But that didn't make my relationship with my family any better. Actually 6 months before I arrived here I was kicked out of my parents house. I was only 14. I have my own small apartment. Actually, your apartment here is bigger than the one I had back on my world. And I had to lie about my age to get a job, AND I'm still in High School. So yea. Maybe coming here was the world's way of saying I needed a fresh start." I rambled on.

Harry chuckled. "Outside of this barrier is magic. And now I understand why you and Uma get along like sisters." Harry stated, leaning back.

"Har. You said you had two questions. What is the second question?" I asked, becoming curious.

"O-oh… *swallows* Well lass. Ye know I really like ye. And I was wonderin' would ye want to be meh gurl?" Harry asked, his face heating up.

I blushed but smiled, getting up and sitting next to Harry's good side. 

"I like you too harry, and yes i'll be yer gurl" I mocked his accent with a big smile on my face.

Harry smiled and leaned closer to my face. I smirked and grabbed his shirt and pulled him in for a kiss. Harry hummed into the kiss, pushing his passion into it. I felt his good hand cup my cheek. After a moment we broke apart, our breaths ragged.

I brushed his cheek with my thumb. "Well, you just had the honor of being my first kiss!" I giggled with a blush.

Harry smirkes. "Well I'm very much honored lassie~!" Harry winked at me. My face turned bright red in embarrassment.

I looked over at the cracked clock. 12:30pm.

Good thing it's saturday… wait it's thursday!

"Harry we've missed half of school. But with how hurt you are we'll skip today." I stated, standing up. Harry shrugged “eh, missing school is a good thing ‘ere remember? If every vk went to school everyday we would lose all our rep”

"I'm going to grab us some food from the mart. I'll be right back." I said smiling down at him. 

Before Harry could say anything I nicked his hook and left the apartment. Tying my bandana around my head I headed out to the market. Holding Harry's hook in my {dominant} hand.

I got to the market, scouring the stalls, I spotted a stall with semi-fresh fruit. Waiting till the owner wasn't looking, I snuck over and stole two apples, and two peaches. 

"Hey! What do you think your doing missy?" 

Shit.

I smirked, hiding the fruit in my bag and holding up the hook. 

"What did ye say?" I asked, mimicking Harry's voice.

The stall owner held up their hands. "I-I'm sorry! I didn't realize you were one of Uma's crew! Please t-take this." The owner handed me a bag of money.

I smirked. "Thank ye very much. Uma will be very happy." I thanked and left. Of course I hit a few stands too, getting eggs, fabrics, and even some potatoes that didn't look too bad.

As I walked back into the apartment I began to sing a song from my world. 

"I need another story. Something to get off my chest. My life is kind of boring. Need something that I can confess." I sing as I set the fruit in a basket that was on the cracked kitchen counter.

"'Til all my sleeves are stained red. From all the truth that I've said. Come by it honestly I swear. Thought you saw me wink, no. I've been on the brink, so." I twirled, putting the eggs in the fridge.

Harry watched me with his brow raised, clearly confused by me.

"Tell me what you want to hear! Something that will light those ears! Sick of all the insincere! So I'm gunna give all my secrets away!" I sang smiling like an idiot.

"Lass. Whatcha singin? Never hear'd that song before." Harry questioned, taking his hook back.

"Its a song from my world." I explained, something I hadn't noticed was that the gold ring around my pupils was getting bigger, slowly covering up my {E/C} eyes.

"Hmm sounds interestin'. Although I much prefer yer voice over everythin'." Harry stated, pulling me close.

I giggled. "Come on Harry. If your feeling well enough to cuddle then you can come with me while I take the money I got to Uma." I stated, holding up the bag of money.

"How'd ya get that?" 

"The stall owners saw yer hook and got scared shitless." I admitted, smiling.

Harry smirked and pulled me close, kissing my head. "I love ye so much lass!" He said into my hair.

I giggled. "Come on my pirate. Let's go see Uma." I smiled.

We left the apartment and headed for Uma's place. The Chip Shop to be exact.

As we get closer I hear singing. 

"What's my name? What's my name?" 

"Not again." I groan.

"Hmm? What's up lass?" Harry asked, curious.

"Uma's singing her what's my name song again." I explained standing outside of the shop. Harry's eyes dilated and he almost seemed like a different person.

He walked right into the shop and started singing. Great. I walked in after him. Not paying any attention to Uma, Harry, or the crew. I sat with my back facing them and ordered a plate of fish. Gil was sitting next to me, clearly too busy eating his eggs to participate in the singing. 

"Gil. Why do you eat so much eggs? Don't you get sick of them?" I asked him as my food arrived.

"No! I gotta eat lots to be like my dad!" He said with his mouth full.

I rolled my eyes, then I noticed that Gil's blonde hair was getting in his eyes. I stole a brown bandana off of a patron and handed it to him. 

"Here Gil. Use this. It'll help you match with the rest of the crew, and you'll be able to eat, walk, fight, talk, etc without having your hair in your eyes." I smiled.

Gil smiled and proceeded to tie the bandana around his head. As he did this I smiled, eating my fish.

"So how is Harry? I heard his dad did that to him. Glad my dad isn't that abusive." Gil stated. His hair looking more "piratey".

I nodded, glancing over my shoulder for a second to see Uma giving the crew commands on how to do the moves properly to her song.

"It's my fault he got hurt tho. His dad saw me and Harry protected me." I explained, sighing a bit.

I pulled on my necklace. This was something I had from my world. The only family member that cared about me was my grandma. But she died when I was 6. The necklace was from her. I never understood why the charm was important,  I can't read the engraving on it, but it was a large coin shaped charm that was smaller than the size of my palm on a sturdy string necklace.. But I don't take it off. The engraving on it was something I gave up on decoding when I was 12.

"{Y/N}?" Gil asked, getting me out of my thoughts.

"Yes Gil?" I asked.

"Why are you playing with your necklace?" He asked me with a slight tilt to his head.

"Oh. This was a gift from my grandma, she was the last person to ever actually care about me in my world. I can't understand the engraving though." I admitted, feeling the text again.

"Oh? Maybe Harry can help. He's really good at deciphering stuff." Gil stated eating another egg.

 "Oh? He never told me that." I said as I looked over at Harry and Uma who were chatting about work and stuff. "I'm not going to bother him with it though." I muttered, before looking back at Gil.

"How have you been today Gil? I haven't seen you all day." I asked, tucking my necklace back under my shirt.

"Been fine. My brothers were jerks today. I got a couple of bruises on my back from them. But I managed to get this bandanna from a stall today! Thank you for helping me!" Gil exclaimed with an innocent smile.

This child doesn't deserve to be on this wretched island.

"Your brothers' are horrible. They are just AHHHHHH--!" I screamed, gripping my head as my eyes turned golden, such a bad headache.

"{Y/N}!!" Harry exclaimed, rushing over to me. 

I groaned. "I-I'm fine. Bad headache." I groaned out, looking up at Harry.

"Yer eyes, ther' golden." Harry exclaimed, amazed.

I frowned and rubbed at my eyes. Why are they fully golden? That never happens. I groaned again and squinted up at Harry, Gil, and Uma. When did I get on the ground.

"How'd I get down here?" I asked, the headache finally disappearing.

Gil's face got closer to mine. "Her eyes are back to normal!" Gil exclaimed.

Of course more crew members started gathering around. And I became flustered.

"I-I'm f-fine." I stuttered, my face turning red from embarrassment.

"Alright everyone back to work!" Uma commanded.

[stevenuniversetanzanite]

Gone and Left Your World (Venable X Reader (part 4))

I noticed I spelt psychic wrong so many times in the last parts and probably in this too. I apologize for that. 

I will name in the series in a week to a month like I am doing with my Cordelia series.

Parts: One, Two, Three, Four

Warnings: N/A

You had to pass Coco’s room in order to get to your own. Unfortunately, she happened to be in said room at the time of passing. She wasn’t alone, accompanied by Gallant and Mallory.

“What? I don't want to rub it in for the ones that don't get picked. No offence, Mallory.” They must have been talking about the selection for the sanctuary. Of course, Coco would assume she was getting in, she was a rich (almost) influencer back before the world turned to hell. You don’t know how she could see that as more important than someone who could actually do work like Mallory. Gallant has a better chance of making it than her. Not that you cared. You doubted the girl has done an honest day's labour in her life, she had staff serving her every day of her life.

Mallory didn’t think she would get in. Coco was convinced that the people who were getting in already knew, something about her one-on-one with him being ‘illuminating’.

You didn't like the chances of getting in yourself, threatening the person here to 'save' you wasn't going to save you a spot. He said he liked your mind but nothing much was happening in it, you weren't a scholar, none of you were. He jumped around, knowing things he shouldn't have. You knew he was bad, but this confirmed it, and you threatened him. Shit. You don't even know how powerful he is. You're all alone in this, no one would get you if you explained it to them.

“Wait. Did something weird happen to you, too?”

Wait- You froze in place.

“What are you babbling about? What did he say to you?”

No? She couldn't be- could she?

“It wasn't anything he said. It was uh a feeling,” Mallory’s word caught your interest. You popped your head into the room to watch. The others were too busy to notice your presence. “I think I set the room on fire.”

“What? Like you knocked over a candle or something?”

“No. Like flames shot out of the fireplace and went everywhere. I know this is impossible, but I think I made the fire with my mind.”

Coco scoffed, “Yeah, we're definitely not talking about the same thing.”

Mallory compared herself to a superhero (“…and now I'm like the Dark Phoenix.”). You leant against the wall in the hallway, still listening, waiting for Mallory to leave the room to find out more. The rich snob and her hairdresser took what she said joking. You knew you should have too but with all the strange things you’ve seen and heard, you needed to know more. You couldn't explain away the dreams- visions- whatever they are. You had seen her face, not only her but her annoying boss as well. You didn't feel hate when you saw them, but now, always towards Coco, you couldn't stand her face.

 “Come on. Prove it. Make flames shoot out everywhere.” There was some time before anyone spoke. “This is pretty lame, even for you, Mallory. Some people just have nothing special about them, and you have to be okay with that.”

 She told her to use her power to shut up and disappear. She needed her costume to be ready for tonight. She recommended for the woman to look for supplies in Evie’s room as she won’t be needing them anymore.

Mallory walked past, bumping into you. She apologised and kept walking, staring down at the ground. Their dickheads sometimes- correction- all the time.

“She's out of her mind,” Gallant said.

 “This place is full of looneys, speaking of one, that L/N was eavesdropping. I mean, who can hear the dead? That’s ridiculous.” Coco said. “Do you really think she’s with Venable? It wouldn’t surprise me since the woman has been eye-fucking her since the (hair colour) haired bitch arrived.”

“She’s fucked up enough to be her type. Insane and murderous partners well with-”

You don’t want to hear the rest of the nonsense that could leave their mouths. You chased after Mallory who was heading towards the late Evie’s room. You called after her. She stopped shuffling through the dead woman’s belongings and paid all her attention to you. She said your first name back.

“Did you really mean what you said back in Coco’s room?” You asked. You immediately apologised for eavesdropping, but she cut you off.

“I did, but it’s probably just the place getting to me. It seems ridiculous-”

“You’re talking to the person who’s claimed repeatedly to hear ghosts.” You thought about that for a second. “Forget I said that I just realised how insane that sounds. My point is I believe you.”

“You do?” You pulled her down to sit on the bed so you could talk to her properly.

“A part of me feels like I’ve already met you. Not some past life bullshit but before the apocalypse.” You move a bit away from her and move your attention away from her. “Since I got here, I’ve been having these ‘dreams’ of a life I’ve never had. You and Coco were in one, along with some people I have never met before.” You chuckled, “Coco was nicer. Like really nice, especially to you. I think she admired you. That’s beside the point. I don’t think we’re here by coincidence.”

“What are you saying? That we're not who we think we are?”

“Exactly. You feel it too, I can tell.” Mallory looked unsure. Your meaning resonated with her, but your reasoning was losing her. “Coco’s father bought five tickets,” She went to correct you, but you kept talking. “A mistake was made, and I managed to get it for reasons we aren’t going to discuss. Think the chances of Coco’s family not making it to the plane and the accidental booking was intentional.” You couldn’t tell if she believed you or was just humouring you because you were a higher rank than her. “I have four years of my life missing from my memory. I would never have touched a bottle of alcohol before. Whatever, they are hiding from us, I didn’t cope with well.”

“Y/N, I have to get back to work.”

“-making Coco’s mask, right? I can help-”

“Y/N~”

She was trying to get away from you.

“You think I’m crazy. You’re trying to get away from me.” She said your name again. “No, I get it.” You raised your hands defensively. “You think I’m crazy as well. I thought you were different- I – I should go.” She called you once more. “Someone will answer me.” You were agitated. The candles flickered all around you, Mallory picked up on this. You stormed out of the room; the lights stilled the moment you left. She stuck her head out to see the same effect following you. The lights flickered and then calmed when you were far enough away. Maybe she should believe you.

~~~

No one knew what to do with you. There were only two options, go with the two girls and protect them or stay with Cordelia, Myrtle and Madison. Your powers could be covered by you also being a medium; change a few details and about yourself and your connection to the other two and you were golden. That didn’t solve the fact that your fiancé was running the place.  You were adamant that she would kill you on sight while Myrtle (and Cordelia to a lesser extent) believed you’d be fine. The choice was down to you in the end. The path you’d choose. They weren’t going to force you or sway you in a way, but they would make you decide and quick. You had a night to think about it, they needed to send off the other two and couldn’t wait around for you.

 Resting on the porch, the moonlight reflected the swamp waters. You sighed, sometime soon all of this would be wiped away and replaced with a dystopian nuclear wasteland.

 The light evening breeze will carry radiation. The trees, if they still stand, will be dead, rotting due to the chemicals getting into the soil. With no natural food source people will turn on each other. Cordelia told you about her vision (you were the go-to witch on all things dead), hoping you could help them in some way, but it only scared you.

There’s been too much death for one person to see in one lifetime. There was only more to come, the bombs would go off, people would scream. Everything reminded you of what you saw, you tried to remain strong for your sister witches, but you were tearing at the seams.

 All the blood and carnage you had seen. It’s scarred and haunts your very soul. You didn’t want to wait around while more deaths occur. Deaths occur every day, but the knowledge of impending doom made you more aware of the numbers. How would the world end? You assumed in fires; the gates of hell would open unleashing abominations among the living. Beasts once human tearing you from limb to limb, you’d choke on your own blood as they tear into the stomach and slurp your intentions like it was spaghetti. The numbers of fatalities would accumulate, one or two now, thousands later. If you stuck with them, you’d be forced to wait around with the knowledge you couldn’t save everyone. The pile of bodies would rise. The mass death of bodies with the complex relationship you had controlling your power- you couldn’t handle it.

If you just left, you wouldn’t have to make a choice. People are going to die no matter what you do but if you don’t survive the bombs, you’ll never have to worry about that, because you’ll be dead.

All you had to do was get far enough away before they discovered you're gone.

“Where do you think you’re going?” You spun around. Thank god, it’s just Madison.

“On a walk-”

“Bullshit, you’re leaving!” Her yelling caught the attention of the two other young witches. They watched on through the window.

“No~ why would you think that?” You were flustered.

“Okay, then. Where you going on your walk?”

“Just around the swamp?”

“At night?”

“Yes.” You dragged this out.

“Leaving the only place that is safe.” The place had been surrounded by a protection spell, one that was completed this time without interruption.

“I need to think.”

“You can do that here.”

“NO, I CAN’T!” The other girl was shocked by your sudden yelling.

“What’s going on out there!” Cordelia asked, bursting through the front door, annoyed the two were causing a stir at ten at night. You gave Madison a look saying, ‘don’t you dare tell her’.

“Y/N’s running off!” You weren’t going to lie anymore. There’s no point in dragging this on.

“Were you?” you didn’t nod, nor did you deny. “WERE YOU Y/N!” You unveiled the beast hidden beneath her soft, loving persona. You betrayed her- or at least that's how she saw it. You were a surprise; she didn’t think you made it and now you were walking away like none of this mattered. You might as well have never shown up at all.

“I’m done with this.” You didn’t get very far before she was holding you back with her magic. She wouldn’t be able to hold you for long without exhausting herself. You could use that to your advantage.

“Why?”

“Why?” you chuckled out. “’Why not?’ is a better question. I’m not contractually obligated to help you out. I have nothing keeping me going.”

This was not your fight. Michael wasn't your problem.

“You have us.” This meant little to you. Yes, they were your friends. Would you die for them? No. You were selfish. You always have been, not in the way everyone thought. You were self-destructive, you fed your own suffering the moment you left your heaven. You’d seen hell and this path led you straight to the devil’s den.

Buy your time Y/N, you thought. Open up a can of worms that will make her beg for you to leave. You heard tales from before you joined the academy, from the days of Madison, Queenie and Zoe (rest in peace). You had learnt what happened to Misty, it had been used as an example (When Cordelia wasn’t around) to teach the girls not to do spells that could potentially harm them without being powerful enough.

 To save yourself from reliving the next few moments; the bone-crushing pain as she constricted your body with her powers (intentionally or not you’d never know) and the shrill pain and anger in her voice, that you’d rather forget.

Cordelia told you that they needed you. With the most sinister smile you could muster, you brought up the girl, how if they needed everyone they could get, why didn’t they involve Misty. That’s when the crippling pain started, you fought your ground. She would have to break every bone in order to keep you here and she wouldn’t do that. Cordelia told you because she was never meant to be a part of this, she got the girl killed (blamed herself for getting her stuck in hell etc) and she was trapped in hell. You interrupted, you’re living your personal hell, you never wanted to be able to see and talk to the dead. It’s affected every aspect of your life, and everything would be better if you never had your powers or better yet heard about the stupid school.

“Face it Cordelia, they're dead! They're all dead! And we will be too,” You said. “I won’t be much use with you guys. What you want from me is impossible? Might as well save your breath and let me go.” Her powers on you were dwindling.

 “You're more useful than gluten-free detector.” Madison added her two cents.

 “Madison-” Cordelia scolded. “Y/n, we need you-”

 “I can’t. All I can do is hear the dead.” You looked at them individually, taking in their expressions. “You’ll do fine without me.” After your final word, Cordelia dropped towards the ground feeling faint. Madison caught her before she met the decking. You wanted to rush over and help her, she wanted that. It would get you to stay. You stepped forward but retracted that step. Her eyes lit up for one second seeing she almost had you.

 “She will be there.” Her final attempt to get you to stay.

 “All the more reason not to help.”

~~~

It was hours before the Masquerade ball Venable and Mead announced for a Halloween to celebrate all they had been through. You had your mask laying out on your bed. You decided to keep it simple, not being much of a party person or wanting to be in the spotlight. You knew Coco was going to be over the top with everything. You felt bad for Mallory who probably had to do most of the prep work helping her get ready for the night of festivities. Then again, she too found to be crazy, maybe she deserved to do the work. No, she’s still a nice person.

A knock on your door snapped you out of your thoughts as you were setting up something that would take you time up until the ball. “Who is it?” you yelled. Mallory responded. You sighed, getting up to allow her inside.

“You’re right.”

“What?”

“Something is up with all of this. I shouldn’t have been able to do what I did. The crazy is the only thing making sense nowadays.”

“Shouldn’t you be helping Coco?” this came out more condescending then you meant it to.

“I needed to clear the air with you. Did you learn anything since we last talked?”

“No, but I jotted down everything I could remember from my little ‘visions’ and came up with every possible scenario I could think off.” She nodded her head and looked at the notebook you passed her. “This might seem ridiculous- “

“-what part of this isn’t.” You chuckled at her interruption.

“Could we be witches?”

She nodded, “Yes, ridiculous.” You backed up your claim, you had heard it mentioned a few times in your dreams, here were a ton of witchcraft books in the library and powers. It made sense. “Why are we here then? What are we meant to do?”

 “Isn’t it obvious- stop Langdon.” You held another book in your hands, you had read it over ten times. You knew it was important, but you couldn’t comprehend why. “We all have our parts to play Y/N. She has hers, you have yours.” You murmured under your breath. She asked you what you meant by that. “It was something I heard a vision/dream thing. A woman was trying to get me to do something, bring back her friends or something and I couldn’t.”

 “Revive them?”

 “More. Their souls had been erased by him- H-how do I know that? That wasn’t explained. Nevertheless, an impossible feat. Billie told me so herself but claimed if anyone could do it, it was me- WHERE THE FUCK IS THIS COMING FROM?”

 You heard Coco calling out Mallory’s name. She stiffened. She was getting ready to leave when you grabbed her arm. “No, you can’t leave. I’m making progress.” She went to say something, “If she can’t find you, it’s her fault. You aren’t her personal assistant anymore. I can get you out of it if you get into any trouble.”

There was another knock on your door. You recognised the knocking pattern easily. You told Mallory to hide in the closet and not make a sound. You would tell her when it was safe come out.

Venable came into your room to tell you about tomorrow night. She knocked on the door and waited for you to response. You yelled you were getting changed as you hid all the belongings scattered about your room as well as making sure Mallory was well hidden.

You allowed Venable to enter. Once the door was shut and locked behind her. She pulled up a chair to face you where you sat on your bed. 

“Mina, what are you doing here?” you asked, knowing full well you were going have to explain this later to the person hiding in your cupboard.

“It’s about the party tonight. I don’t want you to come. I need you to hide away until I come looking for you okay?”

 “Why? What are you going to do?”

“Nothing my darling. I’ll explain it all later.”

She knew you would disapprove and try and convince her out of it. If you didn’t know you couldn’t do much to stop her. All she wanted to do was keep you safe. She hadn’t told Mead about you and her yet, she was saving that until after the deed was done.

 “Alright, love.”

“Stay safe, baby girl.” She placed a kiss on your forehead before leaving the room.

 You told Mallory it was safe to come out. She gave you a knowing look but didn’t say anything. You would have threatened her to keep her mouth shut but you had a feeling by the end of the night there would be no one to tell.

“You’re staying with me,” you commanded. She went to voice her concerns, but you weren’t having them. “That’s a direct order.” You never ordered the greys around more than you had to, and, in this situation, she was better off with you than the others. You knew you were sentencing the others to death but if you saved them than you were only risking yourself.

 “What about Coco and the others?”

 “We don’t know what she’s going to do but for humanity or what’s left of it, it’s best if we stay out of the way.” You said, not pleased with what you were saying. “Anyway, I need your help. If we have any time left, we’ll save them.”

 You sat on your bed, a book on your lap. You set an hourglass ready to be flipped for a timer. “How do we know this is going to work?” Mallory asked. You didn’t, your running on gut instinct. With chances of death, you shouldn’t be taking this lightly. On the outside, you were calm and collected (better described as a reckless moron), you had to try to keep your hands from trembling. The books page stained from when your sweaty fingers touched the page. Everything will be fine. OR YOUR GOING TO FUCKING DIE. No. Maybe. You’re not a psychic- oh wait.

“This is going to be dangerous.” For you, not her. You didn’t clarify. She didn’t ask.

 The book was full of ancient spells lost to time. That’s dramatic but there weren’t for beginners-hell the front advises you not to do this unless you’re a level three witch/warlock and specialise in said field. The book contained parts of all branches of witchcraft; from spellcraft to ‘green magic’ (botany. There was something for every purpose. There was one for time travel, that’s weird. One thing they all have in common is they can all cause death if done incorrectly. Good thing you’re a well-trained magic-user. Yeah, even sarcasm isn’t going to save your arse.

 From what you read this was an alternated version of Descensum. There was no guarantee you would be able to remember who or why you were there. This changed version was meant to help you remember that your mission and keep you on path. It was also supposedly meant to slow down the time you could stay there, time worked differently in the netherworld, five minutes hopefully won't be an hour on the land of the living. You only had an hour so you need all the time you could get.

 "I don’t know if this alteration will help me, it has never been tested with success.”

“Wait- what?”

“That’s why you’re here. I need you to try and wake me when the timer is close to running out.”

“What happened when it runs out?”

“Who knows,” you said way too cheerily.

You laid down, waiting for Mallory to get ready to flip the hourglass before chanting the phrase.

 You jolted awake in a dark room. Sounds of yelling penetrated through the walls vibrated through the air around you. The room lacked personal items, only containing a dull bed and dresser. Your parent’s friends were over again. You hated the lot of them when they hung out. Your parents, much like the rest of your family had no restraint when it came to drinking. Best to stay away, you noted. You usually slipped out your window for a couple hours, riding your bike to the nearest library to study. You tugged at the window but it wouldn’t open, bolted shut. Shit. You opened your bedroom door and entered the hallway. Aspects of it were off but it had been years since you had been in your childhood home. The walls were pixelated, that statically effect you get naturally when looking at something but enhanced by ten percent. The doors were in all the wrong places and the pictures were all scribbled over. The images from throughout your life, not only your childhood.

“What’s going on?” You asked, hoping someone would answer you. No one was at home. This wasn’t your home. It was two unfamiliar. Someone had corrupted your parent’s house.

It’s wrong.

Everything’s wrong.

The details of your first home rearranged causing a disorientating experience. You couldn't remember what details were right, the place was messing with you. Where were you? Which house were you in? You caught a glance of yourself in a golden framed mirror you swore was the same one you had at your house with Mina. You were dressed like a kid playing dress-ups. Nothing went to together, styles clashed, the only common theme is that you had rocked the styles individually in the past.

You felt eyes watching you. You had no time to think about that right now, you had to make sense of surroundings. Or maybe you didn't?

This was your hell, utter confusion. It kicked up your new(ish) found identify complex to the max. Behind you a shadowy figure loamed but when you spun around, he was gone.

You were here for a reason, get on with it. You’re in hell. This wasn’t that bad, disorientating yes but the self-awareness of being here ruins any terror. What was your hell meant to be? They couldn’t even decide on one thing for you.

You had to find that figure, they would know how to help you. There was a door where the being stood. The door was black with a golden handle. It was your best guess on getting out of there. It led to a long corridor; it was dead silent. Protected from the horrors behind the doors. The walls were grey with a glossy finish allowing to see yourself. Yellow fluorescent lights hung above you, each perfectly spaced apart from the last. All parallel.

Were any of these people erased? Michael couldn’t have gotten rid of this many people, could he? None knew you. Each time you opened a door you expected for someone to call your name, surprised by your presence. No, something was wrong?

“Where am I?” You yelled at the ceiling. “Where did you send me?”

You couldn’t keep testing doors in an endless hallway. One more and you’re done. You opened the door to see Mead? Unlike the rest of the people, she seemed to be enjoying her torment. You entered the room keeping a distance from the woman. You didn’t know she died.

She noticed your presence immediately.  From what you gathered, this place was meant to be some sort of hell, but she didn’t appear to be in pain. This room was wrong. Maybe it was a clue?

“Who are you?” she asked, her words filled with hate. She could tell you weren’t meant to be here; you weren’t one of the usual demons.

“You don’t know who I am? Interesting.” You treated her like eighth grader’s science experiment. “Don’t worry, I’m just a worker. Just making sure your stay is as terrible as possible.”

“Dressed in Victorian wear?”

“Yes.”

You scooped out the room, something had to be off. How did she not know you? You noticed a crack between the wall and the floor, a white glow came from between the crack. Was there another floor? If there was another floor, they were stairs. You exited the room, to see if the cracks continued. They did. You followed the way. You felt your body being shoved, no! you're so close. You were going to do this if it’s the last thing you do.

If they weren't going to come to you, you could come to them. Whether it be because you were trashing the place or because you found out where they had been hiding.

“The floor has to go.” You stomped, attacked and tore at the floor hoping it would give saw. You were forced to duck into a room and grab the nearest sharp object. You opened the black door and you were greeted with a peaceful cabin in the woods. It recked of wild animals. You scanned around looking for something strong enough to make some damage.

You ran into the room, flipping everything in your way for something to destroy the place.

“What the hell are you supposed to be?” A woman’s voice broke through the ruckus you were creating. You looked over at the woman, an elder blonde lady who looked to dressed up to be in a place like this stared at you, a glass in her hand.

“You the room’s owner?” The woman nodded. You could have sworn you had seen someone like her before, in a photo or painting somewhere. You shook your head. “I don’t have time for this, the world depends on me. Do you have anything that can smash through the floor or make any damage whatsoever?” You didn't care at this point. Maybe you should just release everyone, that would work too.

The woman scoffed; she took a sip of her drink, “The world wouldn’t depend on a Victorian lady. The worlds moved on since then.”

“You’re the dead one bitch,” She looked at you confused for a second. Then it clicked you weren’t an ordinary human.

“You’re not human?”

“Psychic.”

“Psychics can’t travel between life and death. You’d have to be something else as well.”

“I only got an hour for this, so can you please tell me if I’m wasting my time here or not.” She turned to face you completely.

“There’s an axe in the room to your right.” You ran back to the door.

"What year are you from?"

You went to the room and there was, in fact, an axe. You cheered. "2021, I think. It's hard to tell nowadays. You know end times and all." She didn't know what you were one about. She must have died before then. “To keep it quick, the apocalypse happened. Humanities down to one outpost run by my kind of ex- long story- anyway a man, the anti-christ has come to ‘rebuild the world’ and we need to stop him. Problem is, other than where in his father’s domain, he is super powerful. To my knowledge, only three women are left. Two if I die here.”

“Witch?”

“My life’s a long story-” You said swinging the door opened. "You like causing chaos?"

She perked up.

Was it a smart idea taking someone out of their hell for your own benefit? No. Do you care? No. You scrapped your idea of finding them, the place was infinite. You had to bring them to you. You told her to let as many people out as possible, get them to cause a riot, whatever, just make it big. You wanted to be heard.

It only took a couple of minutes to turn the place into a madhouse.

You felt your body being shoved again. You clenched your heart. You need more time. “You don’t happen to know any of the demons or spirits or whatever working here, one I could make a deal with.” You asked the woman.

She gave you one, the name of a Voodoo Loa she had made an offer to back when she was alive. You were expecting the name of an old god, maybe a Greek god or something but anyone would do. You had heard of his name before, Papa Legba, the gatekeeper of the spirit world. If anyone knew anything, he was your best bet, if he couldn’t help you, he might know who. You were prepared to make any deal you had to rid the earth of that man.

You gasped for air, chest heaving as you tried to get in as much air as humanly possible. Your need to breath distracting you by your near success. You’d almost done in, that mysterious blonde lady in your dreams would have been proud of you, but you were cut short. You had so little time. You had to go back there. You needed air.

You didn't recognise you were back until Mallory scrambled to your side, checking to make sure you were fine. You pushed her away the moment you got your breath back. “How did it go? what happened?” Mallory asked.

“I found out about someone who might be able to help but I didn’t get enough time to find him” You stared into thin air. “I need to go back, seal the deal.”

“You cut it close this time, what if I can’t wake you up next-”

You noticed mist wafted around the room’s floor. The shadowy figure from before took a seat on the armchair in the corner of your room. His eyes were red, and he wore greyish-white face paint in the shape of a skull matching by a hat with small skulls around it, decorated with various bird feathers. You were confused about why he was there, you hadn’t petitioned for his presence, formality hadn’t been your strong suit in years.

He had come out of his own accord, not for yours. Word had gotten out that you were causing trouble hell. Letting people go, interfering with other people’s hells as well as making it difficult to decipher what your personal hell was.

“The spirit witch, I heard about you.” The spirit said. “Was expecting you to visit sooner”

“Sorry to disappoint.”

“You’ve caused a lot of trouble, in your short time down there.”

“Plenty more of that where it came from unless I get what I want?”

He already knew what you wanted, “What you want is near impossible.”

“‘Near’, I like my chances.”

“You sure about that?”

Positive. If there is any way, you have to tell me.

“I don’t have to do anything.” He wanted something out of it.

“But you know something?”

I might. What is your offer?

“I don’t know what needs to be done so how can I make a good offer.”

“I can get you back the souls, but it will get me in trouble with the others.”

“I don’t just want their souls. I want them back.”

“That will cost you more.”

“Uh, the antichrist.”

“The antichrist?”

“Yes, he’s on earth. You can have him.”

“How are you going to get him to me?”

“We’re going to kill him. But I need the girls to do so.”

“The process is difficult.”

“You want more?!”

You looked over to Mallory, who shrugged. She didn’t know how to deal with spirits. Neither of you knew of something you could offer to seal the deal.

“A soul for a soul.” You’d have to give him many souls in order to get all your girls back and living.

“If I give you two souls, I get two girls back in the living” He nodded. “What about the others?”

“Whatever I see fit.” He’ll probably keep them. He had a thing for keeping souls.

Who else could you offer up? Then it hit you, “You can have me.”

“Y/N, no!”

“By the end of the day, you can have me in exchange.”

He hummed. “Deal.”

With that he was gone. Mallory looked mad at you. “You don’t know what your doing is even the best thing to go and you gave yourself away. All for some random woman in a dream that might not even be real.”

“Yep. Don’t tell Venable.”

Neither of you knew what or who to suspect, all you hoped is you got the right two girls. To be fair, you didn’t know how to girls could help you save the world, but you guessed there was strength in numbers. Their value better be worth your soul. You had no idea what was waiting for you in the sp. You promised he could have your soul (and in turn do what he wished with it) but you never promised to behave.

“You shouldn’t have given up yourself,” Mallory scolded you for the fifth time since he left. It was a waiting game now, you were told to wait behind by Venable, you didn’t know how to tell her that sold your soul away. You hoped you wouldn’t have to, maybe you could kill him and in turn yourself before she found out.

Two voices brought your attention towards a pair of young women about Mallory’s age.

“Y/N? Mallory?” they both said.

“How do they know who I am?” You shrugged in response to Mallory’s question. The two looked at Mallory confused by the words that left her mouth.

“Where are we?” One asked.

“Outpost three. The world ended, she saved you.”

You nodded, while still trying to catch your breath. The two saw all the spell things set up as well as the hourglass. They had their suspicions on what one of you did. From looking at it, it was you. From there knowledge you couldn’t do control your natural powers let alone do Descensum. The unfamiliar scenery along with you and Mallory’s strange attire told them they weren’t at the academy anymore. They remembered what happened. They had died but it didn’t feel like death. It felt like they were ripped out of the time they were in and shoved in the room they were now. There clothes stained with the blood but no wounds.

Mallory filled them in on how the world had turned into a toxic wasteland. How you two had been sent her due to your boss’ family not being able to make it before the world ended. She admitted to not knowing who either girl was. One of them muttered about Cordelia probably doing a memory spell. You knew that name, Cordelia. You had heard it so many times. You reacted to the name.

“You mean that nice blonde lady who was a- I don’t remember the word,” You asked.

“Supreme?”

“Bingo.”

“How did you save us if you can’t remember who we are?”

“That woman- Cordelia, she told me so many times that I needed to find a way to save the girls. Mainly you two. It must have stuck with me after all these years.” Mallory went to say something, you feared about the price you had to pay so you decided to cut her off. “All other details are irrelevant now and won’t help us. So, tell us, what makes you two so important?”

“Nothing much, Mallory’s more important than us.” Mallory cocked her head. “We’re the teachers of the school along with being a part of the witch’s council.”

 “How am I important?”

“You’re the next supreme,” Queenie said. She had to tell her what the supreme was. Mallory thought that was a mistake, claiming that you had shown more power than her, the only thing she had down was cause fires to spit out everywhere.

The two needed to figure out why neither of you could remember. What had Cordelia done to seal your safety?

 Venable stood on the balcony overlooking all the festivities. All the men and women were cheering and applauding as they took turns bobbing for apples.

 “Let's all wait until each person has had an opportunity to participate in tonight's activities. Then we will feast together like civilized beings,” Venable said as the first person to get an apple went to take a bite.

“I can't find The Fist, Y/N, Coco or Mallory anywhere and Mr.

Langdon has declined our invitation,” Mead informed Venable. “We got to put the brakes on. Stop it now. No witnesses.”

“It's too late for that.” Venable turned to face her partner in crime, a delicious grin on her face. “Once they've had their fun, we'll bring the festivities and your gun to him.”

Venable went back to observing the party. Emily missed her apple, she chuckled while saying, “Oh, I suck at this game.” Timothy offered to share with her. Venable grimaced.

Apples willed with snakes’ venom. Once eaten the venom enters the bloodstream through their digestive tract. Immediate breakdown of their nervous systems and the lining of their stomachs. With none of them knowing that the deed had been done, there was no way of slowing the process and with no doctors or medicine, they were done for. A perfect crime. Near perfect if they could have gotten everyone. “It won't be pretty,” Mead described it.

Venable held the fruit in her hands, raised so they all could see it as she thanked The Cooperative for the blessed fruit, they have bestowed upon them.

The world had turned full circle. The original sin, an apple taken from the tree of knowledge. Humans developed away from the eye of God, who needed god when you had free will. Greed and hate-fuelled his people. In the end, all the progress humans had made will end the same way, by partaking in the forbidden fruit.

The final sin by modern man.

Thou shalt not kill

“It is time to enjoy our good fortune. You have your treat.”

Everyone takes a bite of their apples. They began to retch then cough. Blood came out. Dead occupants scattered all over the music room.

“Now, that went off rather well, don't you think? Little messier then I would have hoped.”

“Least we don't have to worry about cleaning up. We shouldn't keep Mr Langdon waiting.”

“Ladies, I'm a little busy right now formulating my selections.

“This won't take long.”

“What's this?”

 “We're making the selections now, Mr.

Langdon.”

 “And I'm afraid you didn't make the cut.”

 “I'm sorry.” Langdon laughed. “I wanted to let you have your moment, but I just couldn't hold it in.”

 “You think this is funny?”

 “I think I'm impressed, Ms Venable. I wasn't sure you had it in you. You've passed the test. You're perfect for The Sanctuary.”

 “Ms Mead.”

 I wouldn't do that.

 “Ms Mead.”

 The bullet went straight through her. Venable gasped. As the blood seeped out, through all her shock of being betrayed by the person whom she believed was her friend, she remained composed. All she could think about as she laid on the ground where she fell was how she had failed you.

 “I don't know why I did that. I was always loyal to her.” Ms Mead rushed out.

“It's all right. You were obeying commands like you're programmed to do. My commands,” Michael comforted. He leant over her fallen body, “You could’ve been a good subject in the new world. Oh well, another lot of wasted protentional.” He crutched down, getting closer to her face, “what did you do with the medium? You wouldn’t have sent her to her death, where did you hide her?” Venable stared daggers at the man.

 “The girl is still alive?” She was confused about what girl. Venable never spoke of you to her.

 “Her lover. Venable would have hidden her before setting up the masquerade,” He filled Mead in. “Tell me where she is, and I will save you.”

 “Over my dead body,” Venable chocked out.

 “So be it.”

 “She won’t be getting far. Once she finds out about her lover, she’ll be back.”

 “How can you guarantee that?” Besides the fact that he was the antichrist.

 “She’s weak. She’ll be begging for us to bring her back.” He counted on that.

 You all heard the gunshot from your bedroom. Zoe and Queenie was more alarmed than you and Mallory. You both knew the leader of the outpost was up to something but didn’t know the logistics.

 “Venable?” Mallory asked.

 “Probably,” you responded back. You needed to come up with a game plan and quick. “It’s the safest for me to go out because of my ‘relations’ to the leader. Mallory kept with those two while I get the location and status of Langdon.”

 “Michael Langdon’s here?” After hearing that, they didn’t like the idea of you going out. You were the weakest of the four back in the day, but with the Mallory, under a memory spell (and in turn making her unsure of herself) the ranks were all over the place. “Don’t wait up for me. Find Coco and stay safe.”

 You scrambled around your room looking for your trusty switchblade you had since before the apocalypse before you dashed out of your room and went scoped out the environment. The candlelit place wasn’t helping your nerves. It made the place feel like a horror film.

 She should have been back by now. You made your way towards the gunshot. Michael’s room. Two figures were leaving. One was Mead, the other wasn’t your girlfriend. Oh, God. What had she done?

 They turned your way and approached. “Do you want me to kill her?” Mead asked. He moved the hand with a gun in it down so nuzzle pointed the ground. He saw you as no harm to them. You were full of empty threats.

 “Ms L/N, the woman I wanted to see,” Michael said. “The last human resident of outpost three. You should be congratulated.”

 “Something tells me that’s not why you wanted to see me.”

 “I’m offering you a spot as my faithful servant, a spot in The Sanctuary in other words.”

 You raised your brow, “What do I get out of it?”

 “Whatever your heart desires,” He responded. You wondered why you? As if he could read your mind he said, “Your abilities would be incredibly useful in the new age. You would be access to some of the greatest minds in history. Nothing could stop us Y/N.” He offered out his hand to take it. You stand there motionless. No intent of moving closer or further. “Take your time, I have all day.” Again, you don’t move. “You might like to take a look in my room before you make your decision.”

 You rushed past them, brushing shoulders with Michael. He was sure that when you saw the state of her, you would beg him to bring her back and in doing so have to join the ‘dark’ side.

 Her body laid in a pool of her own blood. You gasped before dashing to her side. You checked for a pulse. Her skin was growing colder by the second. Please be alive. No beating. You leant down to see if she was breathing. Nothing. This had to be a sick dream. You would wake up in her arms and she would console you. She would pull you into her chest and run her hand through your hair until you fall back to sleep. She would be there when you needed her, and you would do the same for her. You only got her back, she had to be alive. She had to be.

Something was different in the air. Something was stronger. The air has been disrupted.

 How could he ask you to join him after he did this to your beloved?

 You hunched over, curling into her lifeless body. Your tears mixing with her crimson blood. “Baby, wake up,” you sobbed. “I need you. You can’t leave me.” You kiss her body as if your touch could bring her back to you. She just needed to know you were here and she’ll come back, you thought. You wouldn’t give up. Any idea was better than not trying.

 You pushed down on her chest, wincing as you heard a few cracks. You gave her the air from your lungs then went back to pushing down. Repeat. After three tries you stopped. “I’m sorry, I was never good enough for you. You deserved the world and instead, you got me.” You leant down, resting your forehead against hers, shutting your eyes. “I ruined the last few years of your life and I couldn’t even tell you why. You were my everything. I should have treated you better. I hope your happy, wherever you are.” You exhaled.

 A hand touched your face, cupping itself on your cheek. “Babygirl.” Your brain didn’t recognise the touch in your distraught state. Her hands weren’t warm but ice cold, ghostly even. Her thumb wiped away the tears. All you could think about was how she was gone. Her words, her nickname for you, was just her ghost reaching out to you, you were sure of it. That’s the problem with seeing the dead, they haunt you. Maybe it was for the best, it would give you a chance to say goodbye.

 “I’m so sorry, I should of-” You refused to open your eyes, not wanting to see her as she once was, someone (even though it may seem sick) you preferred to see her as how she died. It made the process easier to hate yourself for what you had done to her.

 “Shh~” Her voice cooed. “Baby, can you look at me?” You shook your head. “Please?” You couldn’t say no to her. Slowly you opened your eye. You gasped. She was alive, beneath you, but how? “That’s better.”

 “H-How?” Mina had no clue. You offered to help her up. One hand grabbed her shoulder, the other held her side. You felt her ribs move as you helped her up. Shit, you remembered, you broke her when you tried to give her CPR. “I think I broke a few of your ribs”

 “I can’t feel them, or my back- my back pain is gone.” She went wide eye. An astonished look on her face.

 You share the same look, bubbling with excitement. “That amaz-ing,” a sudden pain shot through your head. A slipping migraine causing you to launch away from your girl and rest the palm of your hand on your forehead to stop the pain. “AAAAAAHHHHHHHH~” you screamed.

“Baby?” looked over worriedly at you.

 Migraines weren’t uncommon during your time at the outpost, but they were never this extreme or sudden. Your brain was like being stabbed by a blunt screwdriver repeatedly.

 “SSSSTTTOOOOOPP~” You hand formed a fist and was drawn away from your forehead only to snap back like a rubber band. Mina caught it before you could unconsciously slam your fist into your head. It wouldn’t silence your mind or stop the pain. “IIIITTTTT HHUUUUURRRRTTTTSSSS~”

 ~~~

 You ended up helping in the end. Some god must have planned it out because you had made it all too easy to for The Cooperative to find you. In the final two years, you gave it you're all in acting, using your magic only helped you so far. You convinced yourself in order to succeed, you needed to forget. Forget the witches, forget the old life, forget it all. Your last magic-related task, using your limited memory of your botany classes, you mixed up a fine powered to help you forget. 

 The hotel was cold next morning. You were tripping heavily but you never felt better. You didn’t know your name or where you were. You didn’t care. Life was blissful. The worry set in a couple weeks later reflects around you rejigged your memories. Some bitchy blonde came to your hotel room, complaining about how you were stupid and the supreme had sent her to get you. Supreme? You think you ordered a supreme pizza, was she the pizza lady?

 “You’re too pretty to be the pizza lady.”

 “What? Were you listening to me? Cor-”

 “I don’t care what Cornelius wants unless it’s my pizza, then he can’t have it.”

 “Who the fuck is Cornelius?”

 “I don’t know, you’re the one talking about him.” You said to the younger woman. “And tell Samantha she can’t get with me. This pussy ain’t free real estate.” You shake your fist to the ceiling

 “I was sent here to pick up an alcoholic, you're somehow more annoying drunk or maybe it’s because I’m sober”

 “I know you can hear me, whore,” you said this as the ‘pizza lady’ spoke. “I’m high, not drunk- Wait, shit, are you with the cops?”

 “Why couldn’t she have sent Myrtle?” the woman whined.

 “Snow.”

 “YES! THANK GOD- What are you doing?” 

 You were beside the window, pointing and laughing. 

 “It's snowing!” You were giddy at the sight of white flakes falling from the sky. The biggest smile on your face. The other woman had never seen you so happy, you weren’t aware that she knew you. You had almost forgotten she was there.

 “We need you to do a seance,” the woman said to you. 

 “I don’t like salad.” The woman inhaled sharply and rolled her eyes. You were testing her patience. “But if it comes with the pizza, I don’t mind.”

 “Seance, we want to talk to the dead.”

 “Bread sounds good too, oh~ I get it now, your room service.”

 The woman grumbled something about not wanting to have to pick you up as she pulled out her phone and dialled a number. 

 “Madison?” The voice said through the speaker. You eyed the little box in this ‘Madison’s hands’.

 “I found her, but she’s doped up on drugs.” There was mumbling in the background. 

 “y/n,” the voice through the speaker said. The voice, a woman, explained what Madison was trying to. She took her time, knowing you were under the influence of something.

 “Need me to talk to the dead? Get somebody else! Maybe that craigslist medium that was too much of bitch to love me! Uh~ the sex was great though. I think she’s famous now. Maybe if I sleep with her again, I’ll might make the tabloids.”

 “She’s bad shit crazy,” Madison said.

 You groaned, rubbing your head. “Fuck, I didn’t take enough.” You walked over to your coffee table covered in bits and bobs. Madison followed you asking what you didn’t have enough of. She noticed some of the items could be used for a spell. You pulled out a zip lock bag with a greenish-brown powder. You sprinkled it into your cup of red wine. “What’s in the bag?” she asked.

 “None of your concern Madison,” You went to take a sip when you caught sight of her shocked expression. Her lips remained on the glass. “What?” You put your glass down on the table. “Wait, how did you find me?”

 “Madison, you still there?” Cordelia’s voice from the phone’s speaker.

 “Cordelia?” You said confused. You were in a hotel, your hotel room. Wait, why were you in a hotel room? You looked back at your drink. Red, a colour that seemed to follow wherever you went. You picked up the glass, swirling it around mixing the powder further into the drink.

 “You remember?”

 “Hmm~” You weren’t happy about it.

 “We found a book that we think would help with what Cordelia wanted you-”

 “I don’t care what she wanted me to do,” You said standing up and getting into her face. You leaned over her. You took a small sip of your drink before heading to the window, gazing down onto the city below. “If she’s really powerful enough, she can do it herself.” Another sip. “I was happy before I met you all. You all wanted my story, well here it is, so listen up bitches.” You gave a summary of your life, speaking loud enough so the phone could pick up your voice. Every so often taking a sip of your drink. “I never should have joined you. You’re going to leave me and let the bombs do their jobs.” You chugged the rest of your spiked drink. “I always hated the colour red. Reminds me of all the worst things; blood, danger, love. Purple was always my favourite, especially lilac. Only one thing has matched the colours so well and now it’s gone from me.” Your tone grew angrier by the second. “Soon, I won’t remember who you are, or who I am and you sure as hell better get out before then or you won’t have to wait for the apocalypse because I will bring it to you.”

 ~~~

“NOOOOOOO~ I DON’T WANT TO REMEMBER!” So much blood and carnage. Everything was stained in a coat of crimson red. So many people you couldn’t save, so many women and men killed by that man- if you could even call him that.

 You weren’t alone anymore but surrounded by the souls of many.

 Were you in your own body? You felt air-light among them. Your body was hunched in the same pain-stricken position you were moments before. An out-of-body experience, that’s it.

 “Y/N,” a voice called for your attention. Your head darted in the direction of a woman. A friend? Mallory. Alongside her was Coco, the two weren’t dressed in the Victorian clothes you expected them to be in, it resembled the ones they wore in your dreams. Behind them was a crowd of men in school uniforms, sounding you in a circle. Other familiar faced were there too, all the fallen residents were there, lost in the crowd.

 The woman grew closer, getting down to your level to speak to you.

 “You’re dead?” You asked her, briefly looking over to Coco. You half expected a snarky comment from her to confirm your suspicion.

 “We need you to stop Michael.”

 “Already planned on that.”

 “You won’t be able to do that if you don’t allow yourself to remember-”

 “Who says that, because you saw what I did earlier.”

 “That wasn’t me persa-”

 “Cordelia put us under an identity spell,” Coco looked over to Mallory. “What? We might as well tell her now,” she whined.

 “Was I?”

 They shrugged. They informed you that their bodies where dead and that you would have to revive them in order to stop Langdon. Once awake they would continue to live as their false identities until the spell was lifted. You asked how that had anything to do with you allowing yourself to relive the forgotten years. It had everything to do with it. All of you had to be at your apex and you couldn’t do that if you’re where holding yourself back. Emotions control your powers and though a highly emotional people tend to be reckless, their power can is at their best if controlled well enough. They believed in you. That was a dangerous thing.

 The stinging came back in slow bursts. Your body weighed down. Deep breath in and out.

 Maybe you should stop fighting against it.

 In and out.

 This was it.

 The end of days.

 In the final hour, who will fall?

 You had to lose the fight to with the war. Your blurred vision steadied on a cane long forgotten by its owner. Your arms restrained by a tight grip. They loosen as you seem to intense and less hostile. The power you sensed before; you knew what it was for sure now.

 That man was going to pay for what he has done.

 “They’re here,” you muttered as you stood up, wobbling due to being lightheaded. You found Venable’s cane and hand it to her. Helping her up.

 “Who? Michael?” She bombarded you with questions which you left unanswered.

 You were sure of yourself. Something you hadn't been in years. The merge of your forgotten self and the time since then elevated your knowledge of magic. You thanked yourself for your introvert bookworm traits through the past year and a half.

 You used a power you developed late into your stay at the shack. You counted the living presences you sensed. One… Two. You knew who they belonged to. You sensed a third soon after, Michael.

 "Wilhemina, odd question but is Ms Mead alive?" You saw her walk out of the room with Michael, but she was also in hell. She couldn't do both -unless she was killed and brought back. He was capable of resurrection.

 "That's a difficult question. If you mean like how we are no, she's a robot."

 "No spirit then, good to know," You muttered to yourself. “We need to find Coco and Mallory,”

 “Why? What reason would you need those two?”

 Four... five. The other two must have found them.

 Six? Someone different to the others, no power about them. They recked of death but were hanging on.

 “Are there still guards scoping outside the place?”

 “No, they’re dead.” You turned to her and pulled a face, a mix between confused by her actions and disgusted. “What?”

 “Nothing.”

  Seven…Eight...nine. Everyone’s arrived. Ten? Who was that? Stevens. The number increased but dropped soon after. What was going on?

 You left the room heading the same way as Michael and Mead went. Venable followed behind keeping a good pace. You both heard voices on your way to wherever everyone else was. Mina asked who the other voices were. You remained quiet. You reached the stairs main stairs when you saw Michael plummeted to the ground. Mead’s robotic body laid on the ground, her head was nowhere to be seen. You stepped over the body and watched the chaos. 

 “Who the hell are these people?” Mina asked you. She stood beside you to your right.

 “Witches,” You responded. There was one person you didn't know but from the looks of it she was on your side.

 “There you are Y/N, we weren’t sure if you were going to show up.” Last time you made it clear you wanted no part of any of this, how far you had come. You'd given yourself away for the cause. Crap, you had forgotten about that. You prayed Mallory hadn't told the others yet.

 “We worried when we couldn’t find you,” Zoe said.

 “You know these people?” Venable asked.

 Michael looked up at the women on the stairs. “H-How? I killed-”

 “YOU KILLED MY FIANCE? I WILL DESTROY YOU!” You went to dismember the man, but someone held you back. You looked at her questioning what she was doing when she gestured to the blonde with mead’s handgun, Madison. She was telling you that they could take care of it. She didn’t want you getting hurt in a fit of rage.

  “We need to find a tub,” Cordelia said looking between the residents of outpost 3.

 “Mina, where’s the closest bathroom with a bath?”

 “The grey’s communal one in the west wing.” The one near the swirly stairs.

 “Follow us!” you waved them to follow you, then dashed in that direction.

 Mallory and Cordelia ended up leading the way as Mallory knew the way. You stuck by Mina’s side as you all ran. Coco was beside you trying to keep up in her over the top Victorian attire.

“It’s good to see you happy even if it’s the end of the end,” Coco said. 

 “Thanks Coco, it’s good that you’re not like Madison anymore.”

 “It was a living hell. How can someone be that mean?” her eyes fell to Venable’s. “Uh~”

 “Keep your eye’s forward Ms Vanderbilt,” Venable commanded.

 “Still scary.” You chucked at her response.

 You heard screams from ahead. Oh no, what happened? Something ignited and fell over the railing. Ten. Someone’s gone. Nine. The mystery being was gone.

 “What happened?” Coco asked.

 You looked over the oldest witches. You saw the blood seeping out from her head. No. OH GOD.

 You became woozy at the sight. The chuckles and screams of girls filled your ears. Your sight goes warped. Eight. Bodies everywhere. How did she think this would make things easier?

“Come on, stay with me Mallory,” Cordelia said in-between trying to save her with Vitalum Vitalis. She couldn’t do it; her powers had dwindled for too long. No one else could do it, Madison and Zoe (Queenie was going to stay too, but it was insisted that she should go with them in case he got past them. Her powers could come into better play than theirs) had stayed down to stop Michael. Everyone else couldn’t except-

“Y/N.” Michael said he had killed your fiancée which means someone had to bring her back. You were the only one around. You were pale white. “Y/N?”

"Hmm~ uh- their gone," You slurred out, your eyes couldn't focus on one thing. You were about to warn them you didn't feel good when you fainted.

You felt someone shaking you awake. "Y/N" you moaned, not wanting to be woken up. Venable's voice was guiding you out of your drowsiness.

You roll over your feet falling off something. You help, jolting upright to grab your leg. A wave of dizziness rushes over you but before you could fall back you were caught by your love.

"Mina?"

"Yes, my love?"

Rushing water could be heard from behind you. Coco was trying to fill up the tub for Mallory as Cordelia tried to save the girl.

"Mallory!" Mina hushed you. Your little calling caught the attention of your Supreme. She hadn't noticed you were awake; she was too busy trying to keep the younger witch in her arms alive.

You tried to scramble over to the younger witch, but Mina held you back. With puppy dog eyes and the cutest pout, you could do, you convinced her to move you closer.

You took Mallory from Cordelia, a hopeful gleam in her eyes. You looked at Cordelia unsure if yourself. Mallory was alive, if barely. Leaning down you blew, transferring some of your life essential into her. She gasped, choking on the blood that dripped into her mouth.

"I'm sorry," you apologized to Mallory. Then you turned to the others and did the same. No one knew what you were on about. You had saved Mallory and in turn helped save the world. You turned to Cordelia, "I'm sorry I was never a good student, I was always absorbed in my thoughts. When you needed me, I ran out, something I had come to accustom to doing." You looked at Mina for a second. “I doubted myself and to be honest you, but I thank you for everything you have taught me."

"You were never a bad student," Cordelia said. "You've come a long way from when you joined us. You brought back two of my girls-"

"Yeah~" you dragged the word out. She knew instantly you did something bad. She went to question it, but you kept on apologising but this time to your fiancé.

"Mina, I ditched you to go to a school full of witches. I should have trusted you with that information, but I was scared and naive. I didn't stop thinking about you for a single second I was there-"

"Why are you telling me this?"

"You deserve to know-"

"She sold her soul."

"WHAT?" Everyone other than Mallory and you said.

"WHY?"

"WE WERE RUNNING OUT OF TIME."

"THAT'S NO REASON TO-"

"DON'T GIVE ME THIS TALK NOW! YOU WANTED YOUR GIRLS, YOU GOT THEM!"

“Y/N-”

You pulled yourself upright, using the tub to steady yourself, “NO! I DON’T CARE ANYMORE. IT’S ALREADY BEEN DONE. DEAL WITH IT.” You didn’t know what a good scolding you would know. You did this for them, not yourself. You think you want to sentence yourself to hell. If they fail, you not only get your soul taken but you break a deal. You couldn’t comprehend the horrors of not completing a deal.

You tried, again and again, to get things right, only to fail every time. You were a runner, not a fighter, this was your chance to fight. Fitting that it will also be the thing that would kill you, you thought. If you took your time, not ran, maybe you could have done it. What a world that would be. Instead, you were the cowardice woman you’d always been.

 Using magic while highly emotional was dangerous- it was exactly what you needed. You were emotional, caught up in the moment. You would have to be in the same state again, it was when your powers were at their strongest. You weren’t needed in the equation anymore.[1] 

You made your way out of the room, pushing away anyone away. You wished Mallory luck knowing she would need it.

Cordelia was shattered by what you’d done- more than the others, she was the one who made you feel like you had to do it. You knew what she was thinking of doing and you couldn't let her. Once you were gone you couldn't stop her, but you postpone it until after you were gone.

You pushed past the two fighting with Michael. Queenie called out your name, confused with what you were doing. Marie Laveau was taken aback when you ordered them to back up. They had knocked Michael to the ground and had been teaming up on the boy. Michael had been knocked to the ground, he spat out some blood as he looked up to you expecting to see the two other women.

“Your offer still up?” You joked as you kicked him under the jaw. Falling back forwards, it took him a second to bounce back having already taken a beating from the other two.

You got into a boxing stance, gesturing him to come hither, “Come on, fight me like a real man.” You were surprised when he threw a punch at you. You swerved away, grabbing him by the collar of his dinner jacket and swung him into the wall.

Queenie cheered you on. You had gained an audience, Coco and Wilhelmina joined in watching. The sound effects they made as you fought him boasted your ego and enraged Langdon more. You were keeping him injured enough so he couldn’t use his magic back. Cordelia and Myrtle would have been helping Mallory into the tub about now if they hadn’t already. You prayed you could stay alive long enough for Mallory to go back. You didn’t want to die.  

You swung him around like he was a ragdoll. People may have thought you had taken fighting lessons when it was really easy to keep and already weak man down.

He was slumped against a wall, wiping the blood from his mouth. You approached the man, towering over his limp body.

“You had the audacity to offer me a spot as your servant when you killed my love. You underestimated me, dickhead,” you slammed him back into the wall to make sure he didn’t make a move. You had an idea, something you picked up in one of the magic books you read passing the countless hours you’d been stuck here. It was dangerous but you had everything you needed. “I won’t kill you, no, that would be back for my soul. Instead, I want to give you a gift.” You stepped back acting show offish as you did it. You pulled out your switchblade, flicking it open. You’d give them a story to tell for centuries. You dug the blade down the centre of your forearm, deeply enough to get some blood gushing out. You did the same to the other then muttered a curse. Your audience wondered what you were up to- as well as your puppet. “In my interview, I told you that you deserve to rot here. I was wrong. You deserve a lot worse and I know just the boys to do it.”

You whistled as loudly as possible. The walls and floors began to shake. Michael should never have come back to the school after what he did. You pointed at the man and yelled, “Boys, come and get him.”

The spirits of all the boys at this school he killed charged at him, pummelling him and beating him to a pulp. That should give the witches enough time to reverse time and kill Michael before all this happened.

Your audience was squashed to the side as the dead students came through. Coco, the one least in shock of what you did, rushed over to you going to drag you back towards the others. She was so excited about what she saw, raving onto you about how cool she thought it was as she guided you back to the other three. They all complimented you, but you couldn’t hear them over the ringing.

In the distance, you saw Papa Legba. You still had a deal to repay. The blood dripping from you kept rushing out, you were losing a lot of blood and fast. Michael wouldn’t last much longer with the ghosts; half your bargain would be repaid. You were the other half. None of them noticed your wooziness. In a spur of the moment, you pulled Wilhemina close to you and made out with her with as much passion you could while slowly slipping away.

With a last moment like that, maybe hell won’t be so bad.

Mallory had done it, she killed Michael. After all the trouble he caused all her sister witches, she managed to kill him by running him over when he was younger. It was underwhelming to say the least. Everything was right in its place. She would go back to the academy and everything would be alright. It was a little two earlier for her, originally, she had joined the school a little later, maybe a year or two. It wasn’t a probably, a head start wouldn’t hurt her. It did make her cautious for the current Supreme Cordelia. She couldn’t blossom too early in case it harms her friend. It was entirely possible that something was changed in the time travel. This isn’t her time; it could have messed with the universe causing disastrous consequences. She didn’t feel any weaker than the moment she did when Cordelia’s power flowed into her. Again, bring into question if this was her world just changed into time or an alternate universe. She guessed it didn’t matter in the grand scheme of things, what happened did happen because she travelled back in time and he couldn’t have technique died if it never happened. Too much, she can think about it another time, she needed to see- meet her friends and set everything straight.

One problem was solved but there were a couple others. First of all, she needed to stop Queenie from going to the Cortez. It was simple enough, Queenie brought up the show in her presence and she told her the view was bad. She decided to change hotel plans. She learned that Myrtle wasn’t alive in this time (one of the few downsides to saving the world) with no grave threat, Cordelia hadn’t found the need to resurrect the woman.

Another bonus to this timeline, because she killed the anti-Christ’s son, they brought back on of Cordelia’s friends. No one explained who did something good for the spirits to bring her back to them but Cordelia was forever thankful.

 It had been a couple months since Mallory arrived at the school before you turned up. When she originally arrived, you had been there for some time and already had the mystery surrounding you. She was going to stop that before it happened once more.

 It was the middle of the day when there was a knock on the door, Cordelia was the one to answer it as classes had already commenced.

“Hello,”

You were stunned, now that you stood there you didn’t know what to do. “Uh~” You shook your head trying to get your brain to work. “I saw your interview on the tv a couple months back and- um-”

“You think you might be a witch?”

“I hope so or I may have just made the stupidest decision in my life.” She was confused but you brushed it off saying for her not to worry about it. She brought you inside gesturing you to where you could leave your luggage while she interviewed you. “I’m sorry this might be inconvenient, but can I get a glass of water or something before you interview me, my throat’s a bit dry.”

“That’s no problem at all, I can show you around your new home to while at it.”

“New home yeah,” you mumbled not enthused by the thought of this being your new home, but you needed to be here to learn more about yourself. Cordelia could sense your uncomfortableness with all of this but blamed it with unfamiliarity.

The two of you walked past a class in session, you watched as you approached noting the two young witches teaching the class. They stopped teaching when they noticed that the class had focused their attention on the headmistress and you.

You didn’t enjoy being stared at, you lowered your gaze, playing with your engagement ring.

“New girl?”

“Yes, this is- uh~ I never got your name.”

“Y/N. Y/N L/N.”

“Doesn’t seem your last name will stay like that for much longer,” Mallory said. “Is that an engagement ring I spot?”

You chuckled awkwardly. This made some of the girls light up, some got out of there chair to see the ring. You shyer away, Cordelia was about to step in when the girls’ excitement decided to make you cave. These girls didn’t even know you and they were excited for you. Mallory slipped next to the Cordelia as they hassled you for more details on your partner, “Come on girl tell us about him.”

“You couldn’t have seen the ring from where you were sitting,” Cordelia said to the girl, not tearing her gaze from you.

“She was playing with it-” She knew Mallory was bluffing. “I can’t explain it to you, but she reminds me of an old friend.”

“No, no it’s a woman,” You said shy of telling them about your preferences- this was a girl only school. Unlike what you thought, the acceptance they showed helped to build your confidence in order to talk about your fiancé. The others loved listening.

“What happened to this friend?” Cordelia asked.

“She ran away from love to learn about herself and regretted it until the end.”

“Of her life?”

“Something like that,” Mallory said.

You made large gestures with your hands as you told the story of how you met. A few students gasped, all on the edge of their sits.

“Okay girls stop harassing Y/N,” Cordelia said. All the girls around you backed up. The smile you wore died down. You went back into your timid persona unsure of what to do. “We took up enough of your class time and I still need to get your paperwork in order.”

“Water?” You reminded Cordelia.

“Yes, this way.” She led you into the kitchen to get your beverage.

The paperwork was long and boring. Being under the school’s care meant they needed to be aware of any health issues you had, allergies and all that personal stuff so they could keep an eye on you if needed, make sure you’re in your best possible health and to ensure they don’t feed you something that could kill you. Besides that, it was standard information, birth date, emergency contact (if you had one), etc.

“Heaven forbid something happened to you; do you have anyone you would like us to contact?” She asked still looking down at your papers. When you didn’t respond she peered up. You shook your head. “What about your fiancé?” You lowered your head, shaking it again slowly. Cordelia settled her pen down. She clasped her hands in front of her before adjusting her chair, so she was closer to her desk and in turn you. “She doesn’t know you’re here, does she?”

“No Ma’am.”

“There’s no need for here formalities Y/N.” She leant forward, tilting her head trying to see your face. “Are you going to tell her?” You paid her the attention she wanted. She went back into her original position. “She’s going to worry.”

“WHAT DO YOU KNOW?” You regretted what you said immediately, “I’m sorry. It’s just that she’s- I don’t know, complex? She wouldn’t understand-”

“You’re jumping to conclusions, not even allowing her a chance to understand you.” She had a point. “If you don’t tell her, I will, and it will look a lot worse for you if I do it.”

“You couldn’t do that-”

“I could perform a simple spell and find her in less than five minutes. Or I could do it the old-fashion way and ask for details from the girls you spoke to earlier. I’m guessing you mentioned a name?”

“Yeah.”

“Through the name into google along with some other details and I’m all good.” Maybe she wasn’t bluffing. “So, which will it be?” You didn’t want this woman to do it but how could you speak to her after what you’ve done? You were so convinced that she would reject you or hate your guts that you couldn’t phone her. “I ca-n’t,” you stuttered out, ashamed of yourself.

“Do you want to give me the number or are you going to make this difficult for me?” She asked.

You gave her the number in the end. She asked you to stay during the call, but you couldn’t. You sat outside looking out into the backyard.

“You alright there?” Mallory asked plopping down next to you. You nodded not paying her much mind. Sensing you were not, she offered to distract you for a bit by telling you a story. One of witches and warlocks, where the world came to end, and the survivors had to play it safe or die. You found similarities with one of the characters and another reminded you of your fiancé (funny enough the two were together in the tale). You thanked her for saving your mind.

“You told me the others lived happily after but what happened to the leader and her lover?”

“They-” Mallory was cut off with the entrance of Cordelia who asked if she was interrupting. You both shook your head.

“I spoke to her and-”

“I don’t want to hear it.”

“Y/N-” Mallory put her hand on your shoulder causing you too look at her. “Listen to what she has to say.” You squinted at her; did you know her? Nah. You think you would remember her.

“She was irritated at first- mostly because she thought I was lying. She wants to speak to you.”

“I ca-”

“I told her that you refused and after a lot of talking, we booked her tickets to the next flight over.”

“You didn’t- why?”

“Your one of us now, we take care of our own.”

With the world as it should be, the lot of you had no care in the world. The whole ordeal of outpost 3 just a distant memory to Mallory.

When Wilhemina showed up at the academy’s door, there was a lot of sobbing (on your part). You were the one to open the door. Cordelia and Mallory was there for moral support and to make sure you actually went through with it.

 “Y/N/N?”

 The beautiful redhead stood in front of you.

You choked up, “M-Mina.” You pulled her into a hug. She was stiff at first but warmed into the hug. “I-I’m sooo sorry. I’m so stu-pid.” She shushed you. She didn’t make you explain anything until you had calmed down.

It was odd to see the once feared head of outpost three in a different light. The woman, though hesitant at first, warmed up to the new world. Seeing how happy you were when she was around, Cordelia offered the woman a job at the academy helping Cordelia out with all the boring paperwork Cordelia always found herself drowning in. She even upped the pay to make the job more enticing. She never told you that she did that. Everything was behind your back. It was the best surprise you had in years. Wilhelmina remained in the office most of her time, you popped by when you didn’t have any classes (Cordelia may have walked in on you two a couple of times doing unspeakable things. She had to make it a rule no sex in the office).

 Though Wilhemina was bound to her office (or you) most of the time, she did grow close to the residents of Miss Robichaux's. When retelling all the events of the day, she would stop to make sure she knew which girl you were talking about, learning their names through the tales you told. You had to snap at her once or twice to be nice to your peers, especially the younger ones. A few tears were shed but you had a way with helping people feel better.

 The two of you held off on your plans until you were able to get married Louisiana. You held it at the school because the students had turned into both your family and there was no point in having it anywhere else. It was the definition of a fairy-tale wedding.

 Even though everything felt perfect, the devil wasn’t going to give up his plans that easily but this time the witches would be more prepared for the worst.

Thanks for reading :)

[cremedelacremefanfic]

Crème de la Crème: 39

Ashton

“So what? You about to just fuck and duck?”

She laughed as she used a towel to dry her damped hair “To my defense, I was trying to be as quiet as I could be.”

“You got somewhere to be?” I asked looking over at the clock seeing that it was barely nine o'clock.

I could see her momentarily debating if she should tell the truth or not “No, I actually don’t.” She finally said.

“Then why you tryna get away from me so fast? You regretting last night or something?” I said as I sat up

“Yeah, because I’m going to just give my virginity to someone and move on with my life.” She said and rolled her eyes

“That’s how it seems.” I countered

She probably was having second thoughts about us having sex but didn’t know how to admit it.

She sighed before walking over to where I was “Let’s be honest here…” She began “What did us having sex even accomplish? Yeah, we got rid of all sexual tension that’s been built up for all these months but what else?” She questioned. 

I cocked my head to the side as I looked at her. My eyes wandered over her thick ass frame. I couldn’t help myself, shorty was bad as fuck and I just wanted her to drop that towel and get back in bed with me. 

“ASHTON!” She yelled, breaking me from my thoughts. “What Eve?”

“What are we really doing? Huh? We fucked but the question still remains the same, what are we doing?” She asked as I sighed, running my hand over my face. 

“I like you, Eve, I don’t see how you don’t see that shit. I brought you a dog and threw you that party. I legit have feelings for you baby.” 

“That don’t mean shit!” Clearly, she wanted to argue while I, on the other hand, want to slide back between her thick ass thighs and give her some more of this dick. 

I threw the sheets off my body and sat on the side of the bed and stood to my feet. “Come here.” Looking up to her she stood at the end of the bed and gave me a stupid ass look. 

I walked over to her and grabbed her, pulling her roughly to me and wrapping my arms around her body. “Why the fuck you make shit so fuckin’ complicated for?”

“Ashton, I’m not about to be like Adrienne, you’re not gonna do me like you do her. I’m not anyone’s fuck buddy that’s go-”

“Shut up, Evie. Did I say you were just a damn fuck buddy? You and her are not even on the same level. I like you, shit I see myself building some shit with you. I fucked you raw, something I’ve never done in my adult life, so trust me when I say that I’m not gonna treat you like that girl. That was just sex but, us, this is something different.” 

I looked down into her eyes, as she stared back at me. I knew she thought I was running game on her but I wasn’t. I really liked this girl even when I tried not to like her, I caught myself missing and wanting her every day. 

“Ashton, don’t play me. I will beat your ass.” I chuckled and placed my lips by her ear. “I’m not gonna play you, now drop the towel, Eve.” I whispered in her ear.

She dropped her towel as I stepped back and admired her naked body. I licked over my lips and smirked. 

I turned her body around and pushed her back on my bed. Automatically, she spread her legs for me. My eyes went straight to that pretty ass pussy of hers. I swear she got some gold between her thighs. 

I would never admit that to her though.  Arming her with that kind of ammo would surely be the death of me.

Evie: 

I looked up at Ashton who wore a smirk on his face as he eyed me with hunger in his eyes. I can’t even lie and say that this man didn’t rock my entire world. If this was the kind of dick I was missing all these years then I was mad as hell. 

He grabbed my ankle and pulled me towards him forcefully, he gripped my thighs. He laid down on top of me, stroking his already hard dick. I didn’t know why he was making me feel like this. 

I didn’t want to get attached to this nigga but the way he put it down on me, I just knew he was going to have me doing things I never even thought of doing for a man. 

He pushed inside of me, causing my lips to part. 

“Shit... slow down,” I told him, he pushed all the way inside of me as my walls gripped and tugged on his long, thick pole. I felt myself gushing over his dick as soon as he entered me. 

He grumbled sexily as he got on his knees and placed my thighs in the cooks of his arm as he hammered his pole into my spot. 

My moans soon turned to screams as he hit a spot that I didn’t even know I had. I swear a bitch felt this nigga dick in my fucking stomach. “I’m a turn yo little ass out.” He growled into my ear, biting it softly. 

His words alone turned me all the way on. My clit throbbed as he kissed my lips sloppily. His tongue intertwined with mine while he pounded inside of me so hard that the bed shook along with my body. 

I had a big problem on my hands with this man for sure. Since getting a sample of this dick, I swear I didn’t want to share and I wasn’t. 

____

“How you feel Eve?” Sean asked as he slid into a seat next to me

“Tired,” I said as sunk into the plane’s plush seat

“How you come off a vacation feeling tired?” He questioned

My eyes closed as I leaned against the window “Extraneous activities.” I said softly.

The last couple of days of the trip, Ashton made it his mission to try to wear me out and he definitely succeeded. My body was sore and I planned on spending the entire plane ride home resting.

“Whatever nigga, you barely did anything,” He said sucking his teeth

I waved him off “Just because I didn’t do much with you negros, doesn’t mean nothing was accomplished. It ain’t always about you, Sean” I teased.

Ashton boarded the plane next, taking a seat on the opposite side of me. “What y’all over here talking about?” He questioned as his hand brushed against my skin softly and quickly. 

it was so quick that I don’t even think that Sean even noticed. My eyes met Ashton as he wore a slick smirk on his face before I ripped my eyes away from his. 

I shouldn’t even be attracted to this jack ass but my crazy ass found everything about this fool attractive. From the way he licked his perfect lips to his asshole persona. 

I was as crazy as he was. 

“Nigga where you been at for the last few days?” Sean asked, his brows dipped in confusion. I looked back and forth between the two before staring at Ashton. 

“Yeah, where you been?” I wanted to see the excuse that he came up with. I knew that the crew knew that we liked each other or whatever. I was curious as to what this crazy fool would say. 

“Unlike you two, I  actually had to work.” he said looking in between Sean and me "And remember, we did that thing yesterday” He responded looking at me as my eyes grew widely at his response. My head snapped towards Sean who wore an unreadable expression which kinda scared me. 

Sean and August were super overprotective of me and damn near worst than my own blood brother.

“Y’all did a thing, without us?” August overhead Ashton talking and came and leaned on Sean’s seat

“I-it was a last-minute thing, it was a concert thing that we stumbled upon” What we had was low key a date. Ashton wanted to do something fun together before we left so he took me to dinner and a show.

“Y’all fake as fuck, I like Spanish music” August said

“It was Portuguese.” I smiled

“Same shit bro, we do things as a squad! No man left behind.” August 

“Y’all left me behind that one time” Ashton interjected

“She didn’t like you at the time nigga, that shit don’t count.” he said causing us to chuckle

Sean has yet to say anything and his silence was starting to get to me.

“We should leave Evie alone, she said she was tired earlier.” he finally spoke “You know we will talk about this shit when we get home.” Sean stated lowly in my ear as he kissed my cheek and headed to his original seat

August followed suit.

I let out a heavy breath, taken aback by his response. “He knows and he’s going to murder me when we land.” Ashton smirked as he took the seat Sean was previously in, he lacing his long fingers with mine “He don’t know shit.”

“He will if you continue doing shit like this.” I mumbled throwing my blanket over our hands

Ashton

10 1/2 hours later.....

We had finally landed back in Los Angeles and I was over-excited about being back home. I loved vacationing but this vacation was one for the books. From the business part to Evie finally letting a nigga in and breaking her walls down.

“So....” 

Evie's sweet voice filled my ears as she stood in front of me. I leaned against my car, watching her nervously place a strand of hair behind her ears. “So what? Why you acting like this?” I palmed her waist, pulling her close to me. 

We’d just pulled up to her home from the airport. I wanted her to go home with me but she was adamant about going home to spend some time with her best friend and brother. 

“Acting Like what, Ashton?”

“Acting timid and nervous.” I leaned down, kissing her lips softly.  

“This.” she said simply looking up at me “It all happened so quick, how do I know I’m not just some fling that you’ll get bored within the next two weeks?” she asked

“You really think sex is about to change everything we been through over the last few months?” I asked

I knew she was untrusting, her bitch ass step-pops was the blame for this being the main bump we always had to get over but, I needed her to understand that I wasn’t going to switch up on her.

“Eve, I promise you, you’re the only woman that has ever had me like this. I’ve never been tied up in a relationship because if I did it’ll distract me from my work and responsibilities. So I hit up bitches from time to time but nothing like this.” I broke down to her

“I’m not a bitch.”

“Out of everything I said, that’s what you heard?” I chuckled

She opened her mouth to speak when her front door swung open. “EVIE!!” My eyes widen with shock as his voice sounded through the yard

“What are you doing?” there was annoyance in her voice

“Tell your company you need to come in the house.” my face scrunched up “Sean, I just kno-”

“I SAID, tell yo company you gotta come in the house.” he repeated

“I’m literally both of y’all boss.”

“Look, don’t even argue with him, just go home, Ash.” Evie said

I kissed my teeth “I’ll hit you a little later.” I bent down and kissed the side of her mouth “I’ma beat this nigga ass one  day.” I went to place an actual kiss on her lips but Sean cleared his throat.

I kissed my teeth, I looked back at that nigga and mean mugged the fuck out of his ass. “Nigga shut the fuck up.” I grumbled. I kissed Evie lips softly, gripping her waist. 

“Bye baby.” I glared at Sean one more time as he stared at me with a  blank expression. 

I didn’t know what the fuck was this nigga problem but I was surely gonna find the fuck out what the fuck was going on. 

Sean

Evie slipped past me with her luggage and forcefully dropped her duffel bag on the floor next to her carry-on. She had the only attitude and I wasn’t with it.

I looked over at Tish who avoided my gaze.

“After almost an eleven-hour flight, before you go home and get some rest, you come to my house causing a scene?” Evie’s arms were now crossed as her foot tapped away at the floor

“Nobody caused no scene, plus I said we were going to talk when we got home, you rushed out the airport with that nigga so quick I couldn’t even get a word in.”

She kissed her teeth “Because I just know you’re gonna wanna argue with me about this shit Sean and I just don’t don’t have the energy for it.” She said

I shook my head “You should be thankful you got somebody looking out for you. I’m going against my own best friend for you.” I fussed

No one else was going to tell her, they would sit back and watch her get played then talk shit behind her back just like they do with Adrianne.

“And what exactly are you going against him for? He’s done nothing to you for him to be on your shit list.”

I’m convinced women just don’t be picking up on context clues. They see and hear what they want to and because of that, shit comes back to bite them in the ass.

Of course, I don’t want to throw my mans under the bus but Evie is a good girl and the last thing I’m tryna let happen is him do this girl wrong because she got a fat ass and pretty face.

“Eve.” I pinched the bridge of my nose “I’m 27 years old, I’ve known the man since I was 6. He’s not a bad person, but I’ve never and I do mean, never, seen him take any woman he’s messed with seriously. You’re fucking with a nigga that’s never been in love let alone a relationship.”

Her face scrunched “Wait… huh?” She scratched her head softly “Never?” She questioned

“No, when we were younger it was “none of these hoes impress me” but now as we’re older he says he’s not about to let no girl come in between him and his success.” I broke down to her “I’m not saying any of this to sabotage anything y’all got going on or trying to build, but as my homegirl, I just wanted to give you a fair warning of the type of nigga you dealing with.” I said

“And I do appreciate you for that, Sean. Whatever Ashton and I are doing is fairly new, I wasn’t trying to keep anything from either of you.” She spoke up, her attitude seemingly evaporated as she looked between Tish and me

“No one said you were, Evie, Sean is just telling you how his friend is. Regardless of what’s going on, this is your business but he’s just looking out for you.” Tish said finally breaking her silence

I nodded “Look, Eve, if you feel like you’re different then by all means, keep what y’all doing going. All I’m saying is that I think you should watch out for certain signs. Don’t let what I said change how you feel because Ash is older now and could be ready for a woman like you, just be careful sis.”

* * *

Flopping down on the bed, I pulled Tish down with me and onto my lap “You sure you don’t have to go get your baby?” I asked

She shook her head “Apparently she’s house shopping with her daddy.” She said with a slight roll of her eyes “I’m going to go get her in the morning though, we have a flight to Oakland tomorrow so she can meet the rest of the family.” She signed

Rubbing her thighs, I kissed her shoulder “How’s that going?” I asked

I was flabbergasted by Tish’s whole situation. At one point I saw where everyone one was coming from when they called her selfish but hearing her speak about her experiences, I got why she had to be selfish. Feeling alone at such a young age would drive anyone to do selfish irrational shit. I don’t agree with everything she did, but I understood and I believe that’s all she wanted from people.

She shrugged as her arms found their way around my neck “I hate that I have to be in this mess but I did it to myself, I’m dealing with it the best I can.” She smiled weakly “Enough about me, how was Argentina? Have fun?” She questioned

“If you’re trying to see if I was good or not, I was. I wasn’t fucking with none of those hoes.” I said

“You’re not my man, so I don’t care.” She said with a smirk

I chuckled “Ouch! That’s cold nigga.” I said in a joking tone

She shrugged as her smile grew wider “But it’s true.” She said

“Nah, see, because you been talking shit from the moment I boarded my plane to Buenos Aires.”

“Whatever, Sean.” she rolled her eyes

I couldn’t help but smile “Argentina was cool, I needed the vacation.” I finally answered her questioned

“Yeah because you work like a dog.” she said with a raised eyebrow

My fingers strummed her side softly “Work hard now, spend all my money and chill when I’m old.” I simply said “How do you feel about your interview next week?”

“I don’t know... I never saw you in super work mode before and I can’t thank you enough for getting me this interview.”

“You know you’re my girl, I gotta make your you got a secured job by the time you graduate and don’t even sweat it. You already know me, just because I’m one of the people conducting your interview shouldn’t make you sweat and my director is cool, so you have nothing to worry about.”

I already knew putting Evie and Tish under one roof was a recipe for chaos but definitely a risk I was willing to take. She was swiftly becoming one of my favorite people and making sure she was straight was a top priority.

[half-blood-goods]

Alright, so i watched Descendants 3. Time for my quotes.

This song is good. Easily the worst out of the 3 opening numbers we had, but still great

Let's see who's coming

YAY DIZZY IS COMING

Oh hey it's Mr Smee has twins

Oh hey Facilier has a daughter. Wasn't she called Freddie in that animated series tho?

Also Mal's hair is finally looks good. That straight one was horrible

Lol Audrey what's with your hair? And why do you look so depressed?

Is that Did i Mention i hear?

These 3 can go jump off a cliff

WAIT WAIT HOLD ON WHAT'S GOING ON

WHAT

YEEEEEEEEES

OH SHUT UP YOU BITCH NO ONE CARES

Lol Doug has long hair

OH SHUT UP YA HAG

Why is Tremaine so young?

Also Drizella didn't even come to say goodbye to her daughter

They don't talk much do they

Cough it up Ben, you walked into this

Who are you? Hades? Is that you?

Yeah like that's going to work

You my man is the 2nd greatest villain of all and king of the Underworld. You deserved better.

Also who is ruling the Underworld now that he's here? No one?

Dragon Mal is back

Oh great more Audrey

Don't try to make me feel bad for her

This museum needs a better security guard

The scepter is calling her? Im having Sleeping Beauty flashbacks

Okay she looks 100% better as a villain

This song is SO GOOD

What? They can't close the Isle! Goddamn im getting feels

Ohhh Evie is there for a RUDE awakening

Oh i already love these 2

OH SHIT AUDREY IS HERE

Umm no? Ben left you because you are a terrible person?

OH NO YOU DIDN'T

Welp, Mal is old now

Back to the Isle i guess

Oh crap i forgot about this damn talking dog

Paralells. Paralells everywhere

Oh go jump off a cliff

Everyone is sleeping now

OH THE LAKE THAT'S RIGHT

Oh ok Mal is back. We can go faster than a turtle now

Oh hey Dr. Facilier

Finally a good Villain Parent-Child relationship

They seriously left the motorcycles unsupervised?

HARRY

Cerberus? Where is my boy? I want to see him. Right now.

Oooh shiny

What? Just a disc? Seriously? Am sad

Ooops. Busted.

DAD?!?!?

MAL IS A DEMIGOD

Wow gods not caring about their kids what a surprise

Celias just standing there like "K imma just stand there"

Gonna get a song?

Yep

"I steal souls. Were you expecting flowers?" LOL

Amazing Father-Daughter duet!

I love this guy already

OH SHIT

So this is what talking to your ex is like.

OH CHRIST THEY STATUES

They seriously didn't check behind their back?

OH CHRIST THE EMBER

OH CHRIST UMA

Yay the golden trio is back

Lol are they serious? They are trying to reason with them?

Trying to make deal with Ursula's daughter. Haven't you heard of Ariel?

Oh the sweet sweet smell of passive-agression

Clawmarks?

Ok we have a problem.

SING UMA MAH QUEEN

Literal Dance Battle

Okay the songs are great so far

Everyone's "Goddamit" face is priceless

Oh my gods these are so gay for each other i can't

Just kiss him for gods' sake

His smugass smile i can't

OH MY GODS BEN IS GONE WILD

Where did you come from? And what's with the water gun?

Oh yeah the lake

Oh he's got a nice beard

Just roll with it Ben

Set the window, lock the door! It's our house now!

Okay, that went...fairly easily

Okay the gang is all together but there's still like 35 minutes of the movie

Necklace with 3D printer. Very smooth Carlos.

This boy is traumatized

Oh here we go. The liar revealed plot

Welp that's for the ember

But to be honest, she deserved this

And that was the moment when Mal realised... She fucked up

HOLY SHIT THEY ARE GONE

Another good song

Oookay this was awesome. Like damn

Audrey is gone? I mean i still hate her but like i don't want her to die

Where are Audrey's parents? Like, they don't care about their daughter?

Of course instant forgive

FEELS

He gave her the ember. What's gonna happen?

THEY ARE GONNA DESTROY THE BARRIER? HELL YEAH!

This speech was amazing

So all the villains are free now huh?

Well then Ben better take care of Mal or else Hades is gonna vaporize him

I loved this movie

It's a shame that the franchise is probably over.

It's a shame we never got to see Scar. I mean he's the best villain.

Also i'd like to say: Cameron, we miss you

[hitchell-mope]

(Third film. After “smells like teen spirit”. Back in Auradon. At Evie’s house. Mal’s in the kitchen making party food. Uma’s fighting a loosing battle with the swivel stool. And Celia’s sitting on the counter)

Celia: ok. I’ll bite. Why Harry. Out of all the idiots, all the boys, and Gil, that you could have chosen. Why Harry?

Uma: hm? Shit. Fuckin’. Crappy chair. What now

Mal: I can get you a proper chair if you like

Uma (slamming her palm down on the counter): I WILL NOT BE DEFEATED BY KITCHEN FURNISHINGS!!!! Ow

Mal: ok, dude. Say it. Don’t spray it.

Uma (sounding like Sideshow Bob): urgh. (Normal voice) What were you saying Ceels?

Celia: why. Harry.

Uma: he’s a good employee. Does what I say, when I say it, without argument

(Her sister and cousin look unconvinced)

Celia: you wanna tell or can I? Or if you’d prefer we can go full on Greek muse

Mal: ha. And let halfwit Harry be happy? Yeah, no, don’t think so

Uma: yeah I’m lost

Celia: toi, ma chère soeur, tu aimes le pirate

Uma: slander and blasphemy

Celia: well it’s true. Wether you like or not. You “wuv” him

Uma: you’re wrong. Mal, tell her she’s wrong

Mal: I can’t, I’m cooking. (She clears her throat) Coughshe’srightthoughcough

Uma: low blow. Even for you.

Celia: you know it. (She starts humming the “in a tree” song)

Uma: must she use that insipid song?

Mal: she’s your little sister. So yes.

Uma: I’m not, you know, with Harry

Mal: I am really not the one you should be talking to about this. If I had my way he’d be staring down the business end of a jet propeller.

Uma: yeah. You’re right. Got anymore booze?

Mal: open bar cuz, open bar.

Uma: thanks

(She reaches for a new bottle and promptly falls off the swivel stool)

Celia: HAHAHAHA!!!! Called it

Uma (popping up from the floor): I have to go

(She heads for the gazebo)

Mal: if I were you I’d go after her and knock her off the trail.

Celia: meaning you’d turn her away from Hook.

Mal: yep.

Celia: luckily for her, I’m not you.

(She gets off the counter and heads in Uma’s direction. Then she stops and turns around)

Celia: by the way. Where are Dizzy’s folks?

Mal (looking very uncomfortable): uhhhh (her eyes flit to the ceiling)...asleep...?

Celia: eh they deserve after the day they’ve had.

(Celia leaves Mal my long about Lamborghini’s, Doug’s shirt and throttling Evie, and goes to her sister)

Celia: hey

Uma (taking a swig of whiskey that empties half of the bottle): what?

Celia: just checking up on you

Uma: I’m not. It doesn’t exist.

Celia: yeah, yeah, I know. But if it worked

Uma: I am not like them. And you know I’m not. I’m (she takes another swig, emptying the bottle completely) independent

Celia: yeah the thing about they is well.

(This is when “miss independent” happens. After the song Mal poofs in)

Mal: Jay phoned. They’re just coming up to the house.

Celia: about time

Mal: oh and Uma, que pensez-vous de la livraison de Harry dans une boîte d'allumettes?

(Uma blanches and poofs to the front of the house. Mal bursts into cackles)

Celia: I hope you’ll still find it funny when you’re eating your meals through a straw.

Mal: ahh it’ll be worth it. C’mon kid

(They troop through the house and end up meeting Devie at the bottom of the stairs. Mal flings her arm over Celia’s eyes)

Mal: oh look. They’ve finally emerged from the nest (telepathically) Doug your buttons are disordered. Evie, my dear sister, you might wanna charge into your own clothes instead of Doug’s shirt

(They both look red faced and proceed to make the changes)

Mal: that’s better. (Verbally) lets go then

(Once outside they wait for the others. Jaylos, gilonnie and Jane walk up first)

Mal: where’s Ben. You said you found him

Jay: I also said I had a surprise for you

Jane: oh god tell me you didn’t

Gilonnie and Carlos: he did

Jane: fucking cats

Mal: cats? What about cats?

Jay: not cats. Ben.

Mal: uh-kay

Jay: 🎶come on out Ben🎶

(Ben poofs in. Mal promptly squeals in surprise)

Mal (euphorically, Unser her breath): it’s just like cats

Evie: ladies gentleman and pirates. I give you the acting queen of auradon

Mal: oh blow it out your ass sis or I’ll tell them about you’re last wardrobe choice

Evie: I’ll shut up

Lonnie: now that the king and his fiancé are safe. There’s something I’ve been waiting a year to do. You’re Uma yeah?

Uma: yeah

Lonnie: awesome

(She launches herself at Uma and tackles the sea witch to the ground)

Uma: what the fuck!

Lonnie: what’s your problem with Mal anyway? Huh? Is it that she’s more powerful then you? Or that she got away first? Oh don’t worry. I know what she did. And I don’t care. That’s who she was not who she is. But you did what she did. And you did worse. You were angry. And you lashed out at the first person you could. So how are you any different

Uma: get this crazy bitch offa me!

Mal: Lonnie! Lonnie, we’re cool now! So if could I uh hehe?

Lonnie: really? Well alright then.

Ben: got it all out of your system?

Lonnie: mostly. Might be some residual anger that’ll present itself at an inopportune time. But for now I’m ok.

Mal: cool. How about we get you a drink?

Lonnie: appletini?

Mal: more then doable. Let’s get you inside, Evie wipe that smirk off your face, and get you a nice appletini on the rocks yeah? (Lonnie nods) yeah...

(Mal and lonnie go in. Ben approaches Uma)

Ben: I’m sorry about her. She kinda got left out last year and today’s been awful for everyone concerned. She just snapped

Uma: don’t make allowances for her kid ok? I don’t make allowances for Harry

Carlos: no, of course not, you just let him get away with blue murder

Uma: don’t you have a genie to be cowering behind?

Carlos: not after the mirror, no. But I could repeat the process if you like? (Uma shuts up) good

(Jaylos go into the house. Uma turns around and looks at Jane who is not impressed)

Uma: hey, which one are you

Jane: I don’t want to talk to you. You enslaved my mother. And you boyfriend looked at me like I was food

(She follows jaylos into the house. Evie is tight lipped with barely contained glee)

Evie: today has been raining shower of crap but it’s gotten so much better in the last half hour

(Dizzy walks up to them followed by Hades, Elsa and the Hooks)

Dizzy: grandpa wouldn’t let jay keep Harry in a matchbox

Doug: awww honey, but you know what, there are mountains of cupcakes on the buffet table in the kitchen. Why don’t you go and show Celia?

Dizzy (turning to Celia): now you’re gonna see Wendy kinda magic I can do

(The two head inside)

Doug: I’m gonna head to the garage. You go inside, enjoy the party

Evie: meet me when you’re done?

Doug: goes without saying

(Devie leaves the patio, leaving Ben, Gil, Uma, Hades, Elsa and the Hooks)

Ben: I need to change, starting to feel chilly. Gil could I borrow some of your clothes? I’d poof but I knibda want time to think

Gil: sure

(The two brothers head inside)

Elsa: you haven’t lived until you’ve had my daughter cooking. And I’m starving so I shan’t keep you

Hades: I’ve heard only good things about my daughters cooking. So I’ll join you

Elsa: perfect(.)

(The two head inside)

Uma: tension much?

Cj: typical case of biological father vs adoptive mother both trying to assert their place in the child’s life

Harriet: huh?

Cj: pissing contest. You know what? You three head in. I just remembered something

(She heads to the garage where Doug’s pulling a motor engine in and out of a hole in the ground by a metal chain)

Cj: so you’re the half dwarf who grievously injured my brother

Doug: I stabbed Harry in the dick as he was trying to kill me. Also. It’s been a year. Get over it already.

Cj: a Hook doesn’t forget. Nor do they forgive.

Doug: you know there’s a subdivision of Eton here. I’m sure you’d be able to get a scholarship

Cj: hah. Boys club. And besides. When this is all over I’m going back home and doing away with my father.

Doug: yeah, sure, whatever. Now are you going to stand there gawking like a haddock or are you going to leave me to my own devices?

Cj: I should like to see what happens when the chain breaks or you’re strength gives up.

Doug: won’t break. Dwarven titanium. Magic.

Cj: I know what dwarven titanium is. I’m not as uneducated as the remaining plebs on the island

Doug: yeah. I know. I read your file. (He puts the engine down) I also know that you’re James Hook’s least favourite child. I know who your cousin is. And I know that you’re allergic to vinegar. Which is rather depressing since that’s the only readily available condiment on the island besides rock salt. Don’t mess with me kid. I’m the major-domo.

Cj: so you’re the hornbill to the maneless leonine. Alright then. If you’re do intelligent. Tell me. What goes through your mind when you’re face to face with the sister of the man you viciously attacked and left for dead?

Doug: of course he told you that. I don’t leave the numbskull for dead. Elsa, Merida and I delivered him to the ship and Uma revived him.

Cj: they wouldn’t lie. Not to

Doug: each other yes. But everyone else is fair game. Believe what you wanna believe. I’m going inside to make my kid a snack. I make a mean pb&j. Oh. And I’m not scared of you Miss Hook. I lived through my worst nightmare today so you’re of little to no consequence to me. And stay away from the cars. I’ll know if you don’t.

(He leaves her looking slightly shocked and runs into Mal on the patio bench. She’s holding a sandwich)

Mal: blt?

Doug: beef instead of bacon?

Mal: baloney. Fried on one side, salted on the other. Minced tinned tomatoes. Iceberg lettuce. I know my friends lunch orders.

Doug: you’re a marvel Mal

Mal: not really. I just cook when I’m nervous. Or bored. Or worrying. Or planning a party. Which in this case was all of the above.

Doug: ah. You covered (she hold up a beer bottle) naturally. Wanna sit

Mal: sure. I’ve been on my feet for most of the day

Doug: I’ve been thinking

Mal: yeah?

Doug: oh god this is gonna be difficult. I know you’ve made up your mind and Ben, Jay, everyone, won’t hold it against you if you choose not to. But I think it’s time

Mal: time for what?

Doug: to. Start helping

Mal: oh boy. Ok look. I get it. I do. I get it. But we tried. I tried. And came back with produce in my hair. We all did

Doug: that was six months ago. And besides. (He pulls her off the bench and has her face the window). Look. Vk and Ak. Somewhat peacefully. Coexisting. All because you kept a handle on things when everything else had gone crappy

Mal: eh. Though my cousins about to pelt my sister with apples. Hey jay? Could you? Thanks. What’re you suggesting bud?

Doug: start off with FaceTime. Say once a month Ben FaceTimes you when he goes to the island. And work your way up. It could work

Mal: my being rhere would grind everything to a halt. They’d be focused on me and not on Ben

Doug: true. But you have got to step up some more. You can’t hide behind the curtain forever

Mal: I know

Doug: come on

(This is when “collision of worlds” happens. After the song Mal turns to the party still going on inside)

Mal: I’ve been an ass haven’t I?

Doug: no, not an ass. Just yourself

Mal: somehow that doesn’t make me feel any better. I suppose I should go talk to him

Doug: you do that

Mal: before I forget. (She tackles him in a bear hug). Thank you. Now I’ll go.

(She poofs into Gils room where Ben is currently trying on a pair of aquamarine trousers with yellow braces)

Mal: you know if I had my way, that’d be all you’d have on

Ben: if you had your way, I’d still have the tattered bike pants on

Mal: touché. But why the 13th Doctor cosplay? And more to the point, why Gil’s 13th Doctor cosplay?

Ben: well I did just spend two hours traipsing through the forest, half naked, accompanied by, among others, your birth father and adoptive mother. So I feel like I should cover up a bit

Mal: fair is fair. Speaking of. A few questions. Who did it to you? Why did they do it? Can I kill them? And is it like my dragon form or is it a one and done deal?

Ben: my father, your birth mother and Chad. To get rid of me. Yes you can. And yes I can.

Gil: Harry ran his mouth and Ben switched and chased him for half a mile

Mal: he’s a moron. Oh and by the way. I sorry about the boys.

Gil: I know. I still don’t get why Adam did that

Ben: he’s a heartless up his own ass opportunistic bastard. That’s why

Mal: finally letting loose with the swears I see

Gil: “bastard” is nothing. My baby brother right here gave Adam the mother father uncle and aunt of all call outs. He even used the “count without the O” word

Mal: I’m impressed

Gil: it was amazing. I’m so proud

Ben: shoulders buddy, shoulders

Gil: right, sorry, my bad

Mal: before I forget. I made an omelette station downstairs. And a smoothie bar.

Gil: see ya!

(He rushes downstairs leaving bal alone)

Mal: so I’ve been thinking about the wedding

Ben (putting the coat on): yeah?

Mal: mhmm. I’m guessing we have to have it in the cathedral cause yknow, royalty, but we can still plan the reception yeah?

Ben: correct? What were you thinking

(Mal clicks her left hand and brings her arm down, shifting them to a new location in the process)

Mal: were you there your post coronation rave. Bookends and all that

Ben: oooh I like it

Mal: I’ve even thought of the song for our dance

Ben: I think I know where you’re going with this and I love it. And I’m in a tux. (He feels the top hat) with bunny ears. Huh

Mal: from my dream last night so was this

(She now has the purple Aurora dress on)

Ben (impressed): wow

Mal: not to fancy. But not too modern. And I’m wearing flats so stent dwarfed in comparison by me

Ben: well I could always activate my beast paws.

Mal: might give your mother a heart attack

Ben: true. True

Mal: well then your highness. Shall we practice?

Ben: yes we shall

(This is when “at the beginning” happens. After the song the school exterior melts back into the spare room. Mal’s eyes flash fuchsia and she collapses into Ben’s arms)

Ben: woah! You alright?

Mal: yeah. I just gotta talk to my father

(She switches back into her previous outfit and trots back downstairs where Evie’s hosting a singalong. This is when “better when I’m dancing” happens. After the song she walks outside)

Mal: dad I need a word. You too Uma. You’ll want to see this. (Once they’ve sat down she hands a scrap of paper to hades). Does this mean anything to you?

Hades (Jesse L Martin): “when the day becomes the night...no time for tea...before my final rhyme...return home....turn back the hands of...”. It’s one of the Cheshire cats forsaken riddles. Why do you ask?

Mal: I was talking to Ben just now and everything turned dark fuchsia for a sec, like when my eyes when I use magic, and I heard Doctor Facillier say that in my head. It’s not a prophecy is it?

Hades: no. The last prophecy I remember hearing was the Fates telling me I’d rule the cosmos. Followed by Herc beating me. Why would you think it’s a prophecy?

Mal: uhhhh

Uma: no. NO! YOU DO NOT GET THAT AS WELL AS EVERYTHING ELSE! I REFUSE TO LET THAT HAPPEN

Hades: I’m afraid I’m not following

Mal: I’ve got all the hallmarks. Powerful parents. Double heritage. Annoying brother. Really it should be Ben though. Or you cuz

Uma: really? Me?

Mal: yah. You’re much better qualified

Hades: haha. It’s funny. You’ve spent so much time trying to kill her. And she still think you’re better than her

Uma: what’s your point?

Hades (smiling smugly, he’s eyes glowing bright yellow): be very careful about who you piss off my dear

Uma: don’t test me uncle

Hades: and don’t test ME niece

Mal: >snickers<. Sorry. Anyway. So rhere really isn’t a prophecy built around me?

Hades: nope. not even close

The cousins: oh thank god

Hades: would it really be so bad if it were though?

Mal: most likely yes

Uma: she doesn’t even have the cajones necessary to get kids off the island. Why would she be so sort of cliched chosen one

Mal: HEY! You know why I don’t go. I told you why I don’t go. My reasons are my reasons. And you don’t get to say anything to me after the crap you’ve pulled to one up me when I personally couldn’t care less

Uma (oh so very smug): face it cousin. I’ve got moral high ground in this one

Mal: and you had face it “cousin”, that you have a thing for my brother

Uma: not really no seeing as I hate him and he’s only into guys...

Mal: not the fun one. The rat one

Uma (experiencing face freeze): huh?

Mal: well Harry’s my brother and you’re my second cousin which means he’s also your second cousin. And if I read the signals right possibly your almost stepbrother

Uma: I’m gonna kill you

Hades: no you won’t niece. It doesn’t matter. You knew him long before your father and I -ahem- “joined” together and your Olympian dna only counts the parents with said dna. You’re not related to my second son, Uma. And I have absolutely no intention at all of claiming you as my adoptive daughter. So, to use the modern turn of phrase, you’re golden. Is that better

Uma: sort of

Mal (at the same time as Uma): dammit.

Hades: good. Now that that’s all settled. Shall we rejoin the party?

Uma: in a minute

Hades: oh Kronos what is it now?

Uma: did you bring me out here just to say that Harry’s my cousin? Or to talk about the prophecy that isn’t?

Mal: first one. But you pressed my buttons so I wanted to throw you from your comfort zone

Uma (nodding): alright. I respect that. HOWEVER! Don’t look at me like that dragonhide. However. The fact remains you’ve gotta grow a pair and get out there. Your own feelings be damned. It’s not about you

Mal: When has it ever been about me?

Uma: butterfinger boy’s made his whole vendetta about you lousing up his home

Mal: thank you Uma, thanks for the help

Hades: ooh. I know what to do

Mal: smite Harry and save us from his unneeded existence?

Hades: no. You need a pep talk

Mal: no. Please don’t

Uma: actually. I wanna hear what he has to say

Hades: thank you Uma. But you probably won’t like what I have to say

(This is when “who I am” happens)