#Everywhere he goes there is a Killer who wants his attention lol

[somegrumpynerd]

Seeing how the Killer kitty in @ask-the-cat-cafe reacted to Nightmare I just imagine he doesn't get peace anywhere lol

[wannaeatramyeon]

Lookism at the Zoo

Time for some nonsense (I miss the slice of life days and I have too much time on my hands)

Daniel: he's just happy to be here. We've already seen him at Notte World. Another school trip? With friends? Cute animals? Fun memories? SO EXCITED !!!!

Jay: whereever Daniel goes, he goes. Any part of the zoo is his fave when he gets to look around with Daniel. Makes the group take a lot of pics of both of them for the memories. Considering hiring out the zoo so him and Daniel can go alone another time

Zoe: also tags along with Daniel and Jay but feels like a third wheel. If only little Daniel was here... Daydreaming about being with little Daniel then getting angry and flustered with herself

Joy: competing with her bro for Daniel's attention. Tries to wander off with just him on their own but no chance with Jay and Zoe around

Crystal: gives some structure to the Daniel harem. She's excited to look around, and actually gives the group some direction on where to go

Mira: loves any cute animals. Not a fan of reptiles, creepy crawlies or amphibians and stays clear. Fluffy? Yes they're for her. Definitely not interested in feeding time!

Zack: who cares about the zoo as long as Mira is here. Trails after her and treats this as another 'date' (even if they hang around in a group most of the time). Tries to get Mira to walk through the bat cave hoping that she'll cling to him lol

Vasco: Any and all parts of the zoo is his fave! Bears YEP. Tigers YEP. Some random birds YEP. Wait holD ON KANGAROOS!?!?OMG JACE LETS CLIMB IN THE ENCLOS-

Jace: he's happy Vasco is happy, but honestly a bit of a headache keeping him safe. Gets dragged along by Vasco to get his face painted. Loves elephants. Intelligent, herd animals with big ears 🥰

Eli: misses Yenna, would much rather spend time at the Zoo with his little baby. Already planning a trip out with her to see all the animals soon

Vin Jin: glasses too dark, no idea what he's looking at

Mary: Vin's reluctant guide. She wants to look around everywhere but that idiot has tinted his glasses AGAIN. God she really can't take him anywhere. Has a soft spot for elephants

Johan: this poor little guy. He likes seeking out animals with a social structure that looks after each other (he just so lonely and misses his momma). Elephants, orangutans, chimps. Watching otters hold hands makes him sad 🥺 Misses Miro and Eden. Gives them extra snuggles and treats

Big Deal: ok first why are they at the zoo, second how can they afford it, third this is my headcannon so Sammy is included

Sinu: wandering around like Vasco 2.0. He doesn't remember ever feeling like a kid or not worrying about Big Deal, so this is a big day for him. Cries on Jake at the end of the day

Jake: happy to be wandering around without having too many worries for the day. That's for tomorrow Jake to worry about. Finally gets to spend some time with Sinu and Big Deal just like the old days. Teaches Jerry about the different animals and reads the signs and placards with him

Samuel: kicked out for smoking

Gun: doesn't care for the zoo. Full on safari or nothing. Wants to see them out in the wild and survival of the fittest. Ideally wants to see an apex predator hunt for their prey

Goo: same as Gun but loves killer whales. Insanely strong and sadistic, wonder why he likes them... Otherwise he likes dragging Gun to the camels and trying to get him spat on

[lo-frequency]

Bakusquad + Todoroki Pet Headcanons!

Just some hc’s of what pets I think the boys would have and how they’d treat them. This is definitely a crack post 💀

Bakugou

-A bulldog, named Killer. Killer the Great Explosion Murder Dog to be exact.

-He’s an all white bulldog with a little spike collar around his neck. The alternative is a collar with a fake grenade attached, usually used when Bakugou takes him out in public.

-Killer also has a harness with the little flare attachments on each side like on Bakugou’s mask.

-Despite his name (and what Bakugou wants you to believe), Killer is as sweet as they come. “C’mere, Killer!” Bakugou calls him, smacking his leg and you’re expecting this absolute menace to come charging down the hall. Instead, Killer’s stocky self comes trotting out of Bakugou’s room with his tongue hanging out of his mouth and his lil’ tail nub wagging.

-Bakugou’s like “I’ve been training him to be an attack dog” and Killer only runs like a few feet from the house before stopping, opting to lay down and roll over for a belly rub.

-Don’t be fooled by all his tough talk, Bakugou most certainly spoils Killer, that’s exactly why he’s so lazy. His days consist of begging for treats and pretending not to understand Bakugou’s instructions. Not to mention that he has a big, memory foam dog bed, gets fed real food, and Katsuki takes him for 2 walks a day, everyday.

-Pats him roughly, but Killer is one of those dogs who likes slaps on the butt so he doesn’t mind lol. They play rough too, and at any given time Bakugou can be found rolling around the floor, play wrestling with Killer.

-Imagine if he posted tiktoks of Killer and people started trolling him like “Killer is slow, my dog can run faster than him” “Killer is overweight” “He can’t even run down the street”

-Bakugou truly believes Killer can do everything he says about him, and gets offended if you even insinuate otherwise. He would get mad at all the haters in the comments, clapping back at them like “I know you’re not talking with that lil’ rat dog in your profile pic” and he’d challenge them to races in the local dog parks so he can defend Killer’s reputation 💀. Well, one person actually accepted so now Bakugou has to train Killer for his first race.

-And then when he posts videos of him and Killer exercising, people are like “You’re pushing him too hard” “Poor Killer” “Stop forcing him to exercise” He just can’t win 🤷🏾‍♀️.

-Denki comes over and exposes him like “Killer’s been training alright, training his jaws” while filming Bakugou passing Killer food under the table.

-“Where’s Killer?” “He’s training in the pool right now.” “In the pool? Dude, you know bulldogs can’t swim, right?” “Well my Killer swims all the time!” And his friends rush to his backyard to see Killer lazily paddling around Bakugou’s pool with a floaty fitted on his little body lol.

-Killer loves him some Katsuki. He would be so clingy with him, following him everywhere he goes in the house, to the point where Bakugou has almost tripped over Killer several times. He has to close the door or put a baby gate up so he won’t interrupt him and all you hear in the background is Killer howling at the door.

-Killer fan cams, lmaoo

-Katsuki goes live and all people are asking about is Killer, and all the donations are “Killer’s Treat Fund” “Feed Killer on Camera” “Give him a belly rub”

-Bakugou never should’ve showed Killer on social media, it’s his account now 💀

Todoroki

-I can see Shoto with beta fish, but he wouldn’t know that you can’t put two males in the same tank.

-So one day, he comes home from work and sees that one of his fish is,,,not alive.

-Shoto quickly puts two and two together after seeing that the other beta fish is a little injured too, and he is absolutely horrified.

-After he cleans up the mess, he just looks at the survivor fish. Shoto can’t help but feel contempt toward him. He’s a murderer, he killed his other fish.

-From then on, Shoto does not like the survivor fish. He still takes care of him, but out of duty as his owner, only 😒.

-People on social media ask him what his fish’s name is. “He doesn’t have a name.”

-And then he makes a post like “Some of you have asked me why my fish doesn’t have a name. It’s because I don’t like him. He’s a murderer.” (Y’all, please 💀)

-People start calling him Killer Fish and Bakugou comments that there can only be one Killer, and that’s his dog.

Kirishima

-A turtle. He’d have one of those turtles with the raised horns/spikes on its shell and his name would be Tank.

-So Kiri thinks Tank the Turtle is the toughest little dude around, and often posts videos of him swimming or walking around outside.

-He’s like “You know, I think he’s faster than most turtles.” “How do you know that?” He shrugs, watching Tank with a grin “I can just tell, I mean look at him, he’s going!” And Tank is chugging along the ground at a good .002 mph.

-He’d have Tank on his back as he does push ups or on his chest as he lifts weights. “What number are we on Tank? 100? Alright, 100 more to go!”

-Kiri would make videos of Tank doing tricks, like knocking down a wall of tiny styrofoam bricks or climbing over a little ramp he made. He’s cheering for him the whole time, and he gets a treat after. “That was so manly, Tank!! Good boy!”

-Yes, a turtle can be manly too.

Denki

-A guinea pig, mostly blonde except a little black mark on her head, just like Denki. And you guessed it…he named her Pikachu.

-Denki is enamored with her for the first couple days, carrying her everywhere with him and constantly posting her on his social media. He couldn’t wait to get home from work so he could play with her and feed her little bits of lettuce.

-She seems to adore him too, hardly moving when he pets her so she can maximize his attention as much as possible, and jumping on his lap whenever he takes her out of the cage.

-He holds her up to the camera like “What can I say? The ladies love me. Isn’t that right, Pikachu?”

-She’s so cute that he doesn’t question how her cage seems to pop open by itself sometimes, or how she sometimes nios at his fingers if he holds her for too long.

-The unfortunate truth is that Pikachu cannot stand Denki 💀. Idk what he did, maybe it’s the way he smells, maybe it’s his voice, idk, but she is trying her best to stay away from him.

-The cage doesn’t pop open by itself, Pikachu has figured out how to escape, so now Denki regularly comes home to an empty cage and he has to track her down to put her back.

-“Day 3 of missing Pikachu. This is what come home to everyday, guys” and he flips the camera to show bits of food and guinea pig droppings scattered all over the place. Her little squeaks haunt him at night, but he knows he won’t be able to find her.

-He has such a hard time finding her, and he swears she teases him by squeaking nearby, then running somewhere he can’t get her.

-He’s on live and people try to give him advice but none of it works. Pikachu rushes past the screen behind him and they tell him to look. Denki abandons his live to chase after Pikachu and you just hear crashing and yelling in the background.

-When he comes back, he’s in his ‘fried’ mode and people are like wtf happened 💀

-He managed to put her back in the cage, but he had to end the live early.

(Can y’all imagine being jealous of a guinea pig? 😔) Thanks for tuning in! :)

[realcube]

hq!! boys with a short s/o

navi | masterlist | taglist

thanks to anon for this cute request

characters:  kenma, noya, bokuto, & oikawa

trigger warning: swearing, sexual references, 

kenma kuzome 

♡ bc you’re smol you can slip into his lap while he plays on his switch and since he can just peer over your shoulder, he lets you 

♡ also bc you are so - in his own words - compact..he kinda goes a bit rough on you bc he doesn’t know his own strength sometimes

♡ like he comes back from practise - having just bet up lev who’s like double his height, then pretends as though he’s the gentlest, most cuddly guy alive

♡ for instance, if you sit on his lap while he’s doing something important, he’ll push you off but bc he is quite strong and you’re quite small, you literally go flying across the room

♡ he also like the fact that he can place his chin on top of your head while hunched over 

♡ bc his posture is horrible which means that most ppl are up to his nose when he’s standing comfortably (and by comfortably i mean when his back is lookin like the letter c)

♡ but not you though bb

♡ he can rest his chin on your head WHILE messing up his back so thanks 💞

♡ also this is kinda unrelated but he probably enjoys seeing you cosplay as some of his favourite characters that are around your height

♡ idk he just seems like that sorta guy lol

♡ probably likes it when y’all get dirty in cosplay too yk

♡ and he constantly compares you to anime characters/ video game characters then makes comments accordingly lol

♥　♡　♥　♡　♥　♡　♥

upon feeling kenma’s eyes momentarily shift from his nintendo switch onto you, your immediate response was to meet his gaze, shooting him a brief smile which quickly fell into frown upon hearing his following statement, “you’re around the same height as meliodas from seven deadly sins.”

you blinked rapidly, about to shrug him off and go back to whatever you were doing under you heard a “disgusting.” slip from his lips..so pounced on him. 

“KENMA! YOU CAN’T JUST CALL ME DISGUSTING BECAUSE I’M A SIMILAR HEIGHT TO AN ANIME CHARACTER YOU DON’T LIKE! DON’T  YOU HAVE AN--” to which kenma will just laugh and pretend like he’s trying to pry you off him when he’s actually really enjoying the feeling of you on top of him.

yū nishinoya

♡ he is the short king™

♡ so he’s honestly so happy that not only does he get to be in the presence of his soulmate, but you’re also shorter than him 😍

♡ and i think having a shorter s/o would really help him with his body image 

♡ sorry to get serious on y’all so quick but i kinda think noya is secretly VERY insecure 

♡ he just has a ‘fake it till you make it’ sort of attitude in regards to his confidence

♡  but having a shorter s/o - especially if you’re really powerful, strong, confident or outspoken - would really give him an ego boost bc not only is he like ‘yep! that’s my star!’ but also everything you do is just so impressive to him

♡ also since you’re around the same height as him, sometimes he forgets that he can’t just jump on you and expect for you to hold his weight like he does with asahi, tanaka, tsukishima etc 

♡ so now you’re always on hyperalert when you pick him up from practise just in case he tackles you to the ground again

♡ it’s happened multiple times even when you were paying close attention though so i’d suggest just wearing a helmet next itme

♡ YJUHGFF he’s definitely the sort of guy to hype you up to his friends after you do the bare minimum

♡ and he ALWAYS mentions your height unless you tell him to stop 

♡ (he just wants his friends to know that just bc they are vertically gifted, they are no better than you or him >:(( keep em humble, yk? ) 

♥　♡　♥　♡　♥　♡　♥

“yep! they’re getting their photo taken at this professional modelling company thingy with all those cool, chunky camera and the bright lights! they’re basically a model- and a few inches smaller than me so, perhaps short is the new sexy.” noya boasted with a casual shrug, feeding off of the amazing looks he was getting from hinata, tanaka and yamaguchi. 

upon noticing that yamaguchi was falling for nishinoya’s exaggerations, tsukishima chimed in, “short is definitely not the new sexy.” and before nishinoya could retort, tsukki hummed, “anyway, model, huh? what brand are they modelling for?”

noya’s lips curled into a bright smile and he clicked his tongue, almost to say ‘glad you asked’, before declaring proudly, “their passport!”

kōtarō bokuto

♡ another one that doesn’t know his own strength 

♡ especially around you 

♡ like he squeezes you SO tight when hugging that you basically suffocate

♡ and his grip on your hand is always unreasonably strong too so never let him hold your dominant hand or else you won’t be able to hold a pencil for another week

♡ and sometimes he pinches your cheek when he thinks you look especially babey and jesus christ he could leave a bruise

♡ god forbid you’re watching him practise and he makes a killer spike then he turns to look at you with starry eyes--

♡ ...

♡ RUN 🏃‍♂️💨

♡ mans will chase you around the whole gym to pick you up and twirl you to celebrate his spike 

♡ the problem occurs when he holds you so close to him that you suffocate from his reek of BO

♡ he spins so fast that it makes you feel extremely sick and dizzy

♡ ALSO let’s not forget that one time he accidently let go of you a few seconds to early and you went fucking flying across the gym and landed on onaga’s water bottle 

♡ not only did you have to awkwardly hobble to the bathroom with soaking wet leggings so you could change into your spare pair, you also felt obliged to buy onaga a new water bottle 

♡ if you tell him to be gentler plz do it nicely or else he will be sad :((

♡ yeah he treats you like you’re his 7″0, ripped, basketball player s/o but you’re not 

♥　♡　♥　♡　♥　♡　♥

why were you here? why did you think this was a good idea to say yes to? oh, yeah, it because he gave those adorable damn puppy eyes that you are physically incapable of saying no to. on the bright side, perhaps he can use those puppy eyes to get you a free hearse driver for your funeral - which was sure to be soon.

through, your funeral planning was cut sort by bokuto chirping, “are you ready, babe?!” 

you sighed, arms outstretched as he stood with his back facing you, ready to trust fall onto you once you gave the ‘ok’. or so you thought. 

“yeah, bo. go o--” you couldn’t even finish your sentence before you felt bokuto’s muscular back suddenly weigh down on your arm. you tried to hold him up, - you really did - but both the surprise of it and his weight was enough to make you come crashing down with him. 

“(y/n)! you had one job!”

tōru oikawa

♡ you’re his baby

♡ or at least, he treats you like one sometimes

♡ he says he treats you like a prince(ss) but everyone knows that he acts like you’re his first born child

♡ bc he literally carries you everywhere

♡ taking a brisk stroll on the beach? oikawa will force you to get on his back and use the excuse that he doesn’t want your clothes to get dirty 

♡ you’re in the mall and you even suggest that your feet are sore/ you’re tired? he’ll carry you bridal style anywhere you want to go - literally does not care if people are giving him weird looks 

♡ drunk? he’ll throw you over his shoulder and carry you home 

♡ just chilling on the couch? he’ll approach you, scoop you up into his arms and walk around the house 

♡ it annoys you sometimes but it can really come in handy other times

♡ like for instance, at a festival

♡ if you both get stuck at the back and you’re struggling to see the stage bc of all the literal giants looming in front of you, he’ll let you hop on his shoulders 🥺

♡ he probably teases you for it though lol

♥　♡　♥　♡　♥　♡　♥

“awh, can the small one not see the stage?”

you furrowed your brows, outstretching your arms to him - probably the first time you ever actually asked him to pick you up, so you prayed that he'd take you up on your first offer without you having to beg. “yeah, can you help?”

this oikawa you’re talking to; the petty king. so instead, he gave you some solemn advice before turning his attention back onto the performance, “try growing a few inches-- who am i kidding? a few feet.”

“rude.” you spat, fretfully looking around for a moment before coming to terms with the fact you’re not going to be able to see the performer, so you decided to just try vibe with the music instead.

“(y/n).” you heard oikawa call from beside you, so you turn your head to look at him then noticed that he was crouched on the ground, “what are you waiting for? get on.” 

[pinkchanelbag]

— there’s no one else; chapter two. 

a jean kirstein x reader mafia au.

last | masterlist | next

series summary: a boy caught in a web with his survival depending on balancing niceties between his predators. a prim girl on thin ice that leads down the path of least resistance. no one too close and no one too far, no allegiance unquestioned, and no child whose value and future goes without evaluation like a playing card that determines their worth. to be destined for big things is more like being doomed to them, but that’s the way it goes. it’s just family matter.

chapter summary: the party begins.

wc: 1.9k.

cw: still nothing lol

note: putting this out short notice cause it’s JEANBOYS BIRTHDAYYY BABYYY anyway enjoy heeheee and my apologies for the slow plot thus far i swear it picks up trust me bro.

the venue is obnoxiously grand. the garden is more akin to a football field than anything else. there is no central lighting, but rather pure white string lights everywhere, everywhere. tucked behind and underneath tables and wrapped around trees and laying in the overhead greenery and in the bushes that act as walls. wherever you look, your eyes are strained, and you’re sure the dining hall can be seen from the moon. 

speaking of the dining hall, the organizers cleverly blocked off the front entrance to the building so that one is forced to walk the expanse of the entire garden—surely to ooh and aah at its elegant taste—in order to get inside through the back door entrance. in other words, having to greet every single member of the family before so much as putting your clutch down. 

you apply a friendly, attentive expression to your face each time pieck stops to greet someone new, having mastered the art of being engaged but not so engaged it’s troublesome, while in reality being completely disengaged in any way. as pieck converses with a bulky man drinking wine and you pick apart the key points (“we don’t got the ammo to make deals with top contractors—legal team in shambles—not good to have a weak spot”), really you are letting your eyes wander over the shrubbery which has been trimmed to perfection. yes, the lights are a pain and the band is too loud so early in the event, and there is not enough walking space between the bushes so people squeeze together to reach the large clearing of the garden. a perfectly obnoxious party, except you can’t help but appreciate the greenery. somehow, it is the only thing about this evening that doesn’t seem ridiculous. or maybe you’re just unusually irritated tonight. 

your eyebrows knit so slightly at this realization. why are you being so disagreeable? impatience and intolerance seem to grow in your chest for no particular reason. you make a note to identify the source of your mood, and quickly resolve it. there’s work to be done.

karina braun is a kind, opinionated sheep of a woman. she is liked by all, and not because she’s particularly easy to like, but rather because she’s hard to hate. stuck in her times and not having much intellectual value, she is possibly the most important woman in all the families. being the mother of reiner braun and the head of the braun-galliard family, gives her luxury without responsibility. you’ve only met her once before, and she possessed the kind of ignorance many privileged older women have. but still she’s kind, so you can’t justify how she makes you weary. 

her birthday, funnily enough, constitutes one of the very few gatherings that frowns upon trying to discuss family matter during the events, unlike a young girl’s birthday. it has to do with respect, you suppose. 

you spend your first half-hour at the party hovering around pieck as she makes small talk with associates, becoming increasingly nervous at your lack of breakthrough in communication with the family. you know the most important thing is your encounter with karina, and that will open up further talks with others, but you stall to approach her, imperceptibly steering pieck further away from the centre table where the older woman sits. not yet. 

“are you going to keep leading me through the same semi-circle, or are you just going to go talk to her?” pieck asks calmly. you curse her intelligence in your mind. 

“i’m just nervous,” you murmur, smiling politely at a group of men at a distance that eyes you like the business deal you are. 

“you should be, but that doesn’t change that you have to do it.” your eyes flick to look at the woman beside you for a moment. her expression is not encouraging or consoling, nor is it unsettling. it’s fitting. what you and pieck have is less than friendship but more than acquaintanceship. often you feel as thought she’s reading your emotions like an open book, which can be scary considering how many of them you really hide. but if and when she sees them, she doesn’t seem to care, whether they’re incriminating or worthy of sympathy. she sees you, and that is all. it’s not a comfort, nor a curse. 

“what are you waiting for?” she says, but it’s a genuine question rather than a push to complete the task at hand. you realize you’re waiting for porco. you want porco at your side. you want his strength and his jagged-edged ambition, and the forcefulness that makes you do the things your heart has no energy for.

“i just think it would be better if the boys were here,” you breathe. again, pieck sees your meaning, and your fright, and leaves it be. 

for the next eternity, you drink champagne and stretch back your memory to know if all parties are this boring once you become an adult, or if the braun family has a particular talent for making you crave the sight of paint drying. the closest thing to entertainment—and not the hired folk who attempt to call themselves singers—is gabi’s voice, which can be heard no matter where in the garden you stand. she tells stories, strikes up arguments, and gathers food and drink with her friends, all at top volume. for some reason, you don’t find amusement in this either, and really start to worry about this attitude problem you’ve got this night. to add on, porco’s meeting seems to stretch painfully long. it was a short-notice meeting, which either meant something very very good or very very bad—more so when he told you he was being picked up for it by reiner, colt, and annie. some of the most important family members gathering for an emergency meeting means trouble. your anxiety bubbles in your stomach, and you worry that your not approaching the woman of the hour is reaching a point where it might be seen as—rude. 

the guests are alerted that dinner is ready. it’s not long before each person has situated themselves along the tables that line the large garden. the seating plan is loosely maintained, but you have nowhere near the entitlement to mingle among other tables. you find yours and stay at it, and it’s only then that you get an idea of just how many people are at this event. each table is packed, holding roughly six people, and there are too many to count in the chaos, but they create a semi-rectangle in three respective rows. you make out countless bodies but few faces, just an endless sea of tuxedos and lovely dresses. at the front of the garden is the head table, where karina sits alone save gabi’s bouncing body going back and forth. your table is is only a few feet from hers, but you take a seat that puts your back to her front so you don’t make the unforgivable mistake of accidental eye contact. you’re to sit with porco, and his table—the galliard table—is the one closest in importance to the braun table. you are the only one at the table, further reminder of porco’s tardiness. the longer you fiddle with the white cloth on the surface, the more you worry about what exactly the meeting could mean. 

and then pieck comes and sits across from you without a word. as always, you know it’s only family matter—the concern that you look out of place—motivating her and not your obvious discomfort, but you’re grateful nonetheless. 

as the servers stream into the garden like white-clad troops armed with dome platters, a champagne glass’s unmistakeable ding ding ding catches the attention of the guests. a table near karina’s opposite side, not quite flanking her but near enough to display some importance. a man stands with his glass raised, looking unfitting for the position with the way his arm hesitantly dips and re-straightens. bertholdt, yet another notable name in braun-galliard (and it’s your job to know all the names), seems to be the only person around able to give the welcome speech. it’s easy to listen only selectively to the announcements and shoutouts, disregarding all the thank yous and remember whens and listening in for honored guests (who are honored because they’ve proven themselves useful). luckily for you, bertholdt’s clumsy speech has a clear distinction between the two categories, his eyes downturned to cards in which he lists off important guests and whatever thing they did to end up on he list before him. 

“a special welcome to general theo magath of the mexican military, who has been so generous to the family’s trade routes…” bertholdt’s words are careful, partly because of the nature of the things he is sharing, but also because all his actions have been careful since his fall from grace. formerly one of the most reliable heavy men in the family, bertholdt’s reputation was shot to hell when an important—very important—family member was killed on his watch. despite having happened years and years ago now, it took extensive efforts to just convince the higher-ups that he wasn’t in bed with the killer. it’s common knowledge that bertholdt’s incident was the first and last time someone “had it easy” from braun-galliard due to his close friendship with reiner himself. 

“an especially relieving guest to see here tonight—“ 

and—finally—the stragglers stalk into the clearing. like most others, you hear of their arrival from the ripple of murmurs long before you see them, seeing as their whereabouts are blocked off by tables and bushes. a few people stand up, but are quickly beckoned to sit down again and redirect their attention to the speaker, who clears his throat nervously. 

“carry on, bertholdt,” reiner’s affecting voice breaks through the space, and it’s enough to settle the audience, or at least have them pretend to pay attention while the late-comers shuffle through the outskirts of the tables to find their seats. bertholdt proceeds slowly. 

“…a person i’m sure we will all come to rely on during this chaotic time…”

you catch the first glimpse of porco as he turns the final corner of the rectangle, reiner walking before him and colt and annie just behind. reiner is the first to arrive to his table, the invitees seeming to hold their chests a little taller for the family’s true head—in every way except on paper—as he slides into his seat and presses a kiss to his mother’s cheek. 

“…a great legacy behind him and a bright career ahead, and we’re surely glad he’s kicked it off in our company…” bertholdt goes on. you and porco’s eyes meet, and immediately you know something is the matter; you’re just not sure if it’s fury or ecstasy in his gleam. 

colt and annie find their seats in the table just after yours, and finally porco is near enough to see—and ignore—the look of alarmed curiosity on your face. he arrives to the table, giving pieck a look of “we’ll talk later,” and briefly stopping behind your chair. his calloused hands are on your arms for a moment, running up and down comfortingly. 

“—a happy welcome to—“

“hey, doll.”

“—jean kirstein.” 

and your eyes flick away from porco’s and into the crowd of faceless bodies, and the anxieties that kept your brain buzzing with life halt and collapse to the floor of your mind like dead flies.

jean? 

[manunelle]

High School AU! {Ikesen/Scenario}

I finally finished an essay about brazilian portuguese phonology, so I decided to reward myself by writing cute stuff SHUDHUSHSUDAHS I’ve thought about this scenario ever  since I started playing Ikesen (back in 2017, good lord), but I never had the time to write them. 

I am thinking really hard if I should turn these into a fanfic or not. Depends on how much time I have to write :( 

WARNINGS: Inappropriate language, bullying, violence (?MC kicks asses in this scenario lol).

MC moves from her hometown after her parents’ death, and starts to live all by herself. She enters the new school as a sophomore, and has some trouble making friends because she is seen as delinquent by other students. lol. She’s kind of cold towards girls and is always seen shouting at boys (because they are always assholes to her), so everybody kind of knows not to mess with her. She spends lunchtime all alone either on the school rooftop or at the library, and, even though she denies it, she feels lonely. 

One day, when she’s on her way to the library, she sees a gray-haired boy getting bullied by some jackass. She kind of saves him by hitting the bully’s head against a locker and knocking him out and drags the poor thing to a safer place (aka the rooftop).

The boy thanks her and introduces himself as Ishida Mitsunari, a freshman. She’s like “whatever dude” and goes back to her alone time.

 After that, things start to get weird. And MC kind of gets annoyed by Mitsunari’s friends.

 Hideyoshi, a senior, misunderstands the whole situation and thinks that MC was the one who tried to bully his precious kouhai-kun. He goes after MC and tries to scold her, but she just puts her headphones on and ignores him,enraging him more. Big bro tries to touch her shoulder to get her attention back on the discussion, only to be flipped over on his back by an angered MC. 

boi. he is so mad.

 However, Mitsunari stops the whole argument and fixes the misunderstanding and Hideyoshi feels embarrassed for being such an ass. He tries to apologize but MC has already left. 

 She also meets Ieyasu and Masamune. Ieyasu, a freshman, is always hiding (from his lovely friends lol) at the library, and he and MC have a passive-aggressive relationship because once they wanted to rent the same book (btw, MC won this fight). Masamune, a junior, is also constantly at the library, but only to drag his friend out of there (Poor yasu). He’s always hitting on MC, but, since he hasn’t exceeded the limit of her patience, she hasn’t kicked his ass yet. Yet. 

One week after the “kick Hideyoshi’s ass” incident, she meets Ranmaru by bumping into him and preventing him from falling on his face. Just like an otoge hero lol. Ranmaru tries so hard to be her friend that it’s almost ridiculous. By coincidence, perhaps, he and Mitsunari are in the same class, so now MC has two baby boys trying to blind her with their brightness. They are so precious that she just can’t be rude to them, but she’s not exactly their friend. She just prevents them from tumbling around the school and from getting their asses beat up by the other (assholes) students.

 One day, when she’s leaving the school building, Ranmaru and Mitsunari are trying to convince her to go to the karaoke with them and their friends, but she’s like “No. I have things to do, bye.”. Then, they end up meeting with Hideyoshi, Masamune, Ieyasu and two other boys that she can’t recognize. 

She tries to pass through them, but is stopped by Hideyoshi, who tries to apologize again. She rolls her eyes and says that she has already forgotten about the whole issue and just wants to get home. Then one of the boys, the black-haired gorgeous one, approaches and looks at her with interest, a wicked smile on his face. He takes her chin between his fingers, not caring about his friends eyes upon them, and invites her to karaoke and maybe later to a more secluded place, just the two of them…

She kicks him on the balls. All the boys wince.

 Hideyoshi tries to pick a fight with her. “How dare you do that to Nobunaga-san!” The awaited “Hideyoshi vs MC pt.2” happens and ends with the brown-haired boy passed out on the floor. 

 A silver-haired boy and Masamune are almost vomiting from laughing so hard, and MC just stares at them like the piece of shit they are. The black-haired boy, Nobunaga, is still on the floor, clutching his crotch with shaking hands and pained tears pricking on the corner of his eyes. Ieyasu has his mouth hanging open, staring at MC with wide eyes. Mitsunari is confused, and Ranmaru is awaiting her next move with anticipation. She sighs and leaves school grounds, swearing that one of these days she really is going to become a murderer.

 She gets home in one piece, and is greeted by a message from her neighbour, Sasuke, who saw her arrival through the window. He is probably one of the only people that she can have a conversation without aging 10 years due to annoyance. Unfortunately, he studies in a school across the city, so she doesn’t really have a lot of chances to talk to him besides messages.

 Sasuke shares a rent-house with four other guys that she has yet to meet, and he says that they are good friends. He is always inviting MC to hang out with them, but she always refuses the offer. Most of the time, it’s because she’s way too tired to stay up late to watch “Kenshin-san” beating some random dude, but she also is afraid of not fitting in. My girl has some issues. :( 

This day had been more tiresome than the others, so she goes to sleep earlier than usual. She wakes up with a lot of messages from Sasuke asking if she’s okay, a lot of messages from Ranmaru and Mitsunari asking if she wanna meet before school (how they got her number is still a mystery)and, surprisingly, she has been added to a groupchat called “Azuchi gang”.

 No.

 She leaves the group. Mitsuhide adds her back. 

Nooooooooooooooooooooo.

 She spends the next three weeks trying to hide from the seven boys, who, for some reason, start to follow her everywhere. Everywhere. On the rooftop, behind the library bookshelves, between the outside bushes, and for Christ's sake she swears that she has seen Masamune and Mitsuhide smirking at her through the glassdoor of her classroom.

 She just wants peace. :)

 One day, Ranmaru drags her to have lunch with them and she kind of just accepts her destiny, too tired to fight. Then, one day turned into another, and another, and she started to have lunch with them everyday, getting to know them better. However, in no way she is their friend. She doesn’t really consider them friends, but they think the contrary. 

For some reason, boys stop harassing her, one day appearing all beaten at school. She looks at them with an arched eyebrow, not noticing her acquaintances (as she likes to call the group) glaring at the boys behind her back.

 Ironically, girls start to treat her worse, insulting her behind her back but loud enough for her to hear and hiding/stealing her stuff. She soon realizes that it’s because they are jealous of the group’s affection, so, to stop the new and annoying behavior of her bitch classmates, she stops hanging out with them, ignoring them at school and also their messages. 

Unaccustomed with loneliness after weeks of hanging out with the boys, she ends up accepting Sasuke’s offer of hanging out. She goes to his house and she meets his friends, soon discovering that her headache will only turn worse. 

Yukimura is an annoying shit. Shingen is a flirting shit. Kenshin is a killer shit. Yoshimoto is a fashion shit. Wait, fashion. Oh, wow. She kind of gets along with Yoshimoto, engaging in conversation about clothes and art. 

Kenshin doesn’t like her until he discovers that she can kick ass. He loves her now.

 She soon learns to recognize Shingen’s flirting lines as a way of being funny (despite failing miserably lol), reminding her a bit of Masamune and Nobunaga. 

Yukimura is still an annoying shit. Just kidding dhuhduhdsuhsa They have an “I’ll annoy you until you start crying but if someone else do it i’ll kick their ass” relationship. It’s really precious.

They have their own groupchat, btw

Despite having new friends and hanging out with them after school, she still misses the other guys and feels bet about ignoring them. However, her things are still going missing and she can’t just point fingers and beat the shit of an annoying brat (despite wanting to). So she continues to ignore their existences. 

Unfortunately, one day her backpack ends up in the school’s pool, and Mitsuhide finds out about the whole missing objects and bullying stuff. Despite wanting to tease her as a way to take out his anger on MC, he knows that she is sad and trying really hard not to cry, so he just hugs her. This way, she can cry without anyone seeing, right? ;) 

The missing objects reappear on her locker, and she tries to pretend to be surprised. She doesn’t do a good job. She starts hanging out with the group again, and this time she recognizes them as her friends.

 It’s almost weird how she has changed from “how should I kill you” to “heeeey, Hideyoshi-san, let’s go to that crepe stall after class”.

 Hideyoshi thinks she’s cute, just like a little sister, and protects her behind the curtains.

 She and Masamune are bffs, always playing around and annoying the shit out of Ieyasu, who tries to hide the fact that he thinks she’s a lot cuter now that she smiles all the time than before. 

Mitsunari is her adopted son, thank you very much. If you try to mess with him, she might throw you off the building’s last level. 

Mitsuhide is always teasing her, but is always careful to not go too far. Students once saw the two entering a shady alley, and due to their reputations, could only imagine the dirty things they were doing there. Excuse you, how dare you call feeding cats dirty? 

Nobunaga thinks she’s hot. She also thinks she’s hot. They once kissed, but they decided that they are better as friends. 

Ranmaru kind of has a crush on her, but is afraid of ruining their friendship by confessing it. He also knows about her and Nobunaga, but doesn’t know that they are far from a relationship. Poor thing. :( 

She continues to hang with the Echigo squad, of course.

 MC and Yoshimoto are bffs. They always go shopping together and share their opinions on each other's clothes. She vented about the Nobunaga kiss situation to him, and he gave a lot of advice and hugs. He’s such a good friend, omg.

 Once, she went to watch Kenshin’s martial arts tournament, cheering on him the whole time. He tried so hard not to smile when he heard her shouts. After he won the golden medal, the whole gang went out for ice cream to celebrate the victory.

 Shingen knows about the Nobunaga kiss situation, and makes sure that she knows how hard he disapproves of it. Sometimes she thinks that she has two overprotective older brothers, Hideyoshi and Shingen.

 She hangs out with Yuki and Sasuke some nights. She goes to their house and they lay on the couch, watching whatever is going on on the tv and talking about anything. Yuki lays his head on her lap and his legs on Sasuke’s lap, so it’s a little hard to leave. Once, Kenshin got home from practice and saw the three passed out on the couch. Their expressions were so cute that he couldn’t resist from taking some pictures and sharing them on their groupchat. 

The thing is: both groups don’t know about the existence of the other. lol

 Echigo’s gang knows that she has friends at school, but they don’t think she’s as close to them as she is to them. 

Azuchi’s gang have their offers of hanging out at night often refused by her, but they just think that she is too tired or has strict parents on her neck. Once, Ranmaru and Hideyoshi saw she hanging out with Yuki and Sasuke and got jealous mad, but, despite trying to follow them, they lost their track (thanks to Sasuke, who thought they were trying to pick a fight adshsuhdsauhdsa). 

They didn’t ask about the boys, afraid of making her uncomfortable. However, they did share the news with the rest of the group. Overprotective friends on. 

One Saturday night, she goes to the karaoke with Echigo’s gang. She’s having a great time, watching Yukimura and Sasuke singing shoujo anime songs with high pitched-voices while talking about school stuff with Yoshimoto and Kenshin (Shingen’s flirting with the waitress), until she sees her other group of friends entering the place. She waves at them, smiling, and the groups look at each other with surprise and rage.

 Fortunately, it turns out that they know each other. Unfortunately, it turns out that they hate each other. 

“MCCCCCC, you have been ditching us to hang out with...with...with these savages?!” Hideyoshi cried, grabbing her by the shoulders and shaking her in a desperate attempt of putting some reason on her mind. 

“Um, excuse me.” Yoshimoto intervenes, snatching her out of his hands. Kenshin also gets mad and they all start fighting and talking at the same time. 

MC goes back home. 

Her headache got worse after that night. 

[mrskisaki]

AAMAAAYAAAAAA just because I read your thing, May I request a yandere Doffy, Kid and Luffy? 🥺😚🖤 something about a kid and Luffy Yandere is ✨ enticing ✨ you don’t have to though lol

EVERYTIME YALL SAY MY NAME, MY HEART GOES UWU🥺👉🏼👈🏼💙

If you don't like things like this, then dont read it. Noones forcing you to press the readmore, keep scrolling and please dont complain to me about it.

If you don’t know what a yandere is, please look it up before reading this. You may not be comfortable.

Yandere Doflamingo, Kid, and Luffy

Doflamingo

Regular Doffy is already borderline yandere but he does have some limits and lines he wont cross. Yandere Doffy won't have any limits and will cross every line there is; he already has eyes on you but now that he's yandere, there's eyes on you EVERYWHERE and it's not even discreet. He knows about everything you do, say, and even think, he's not above killing the other men you talk to without his permission and will even make you watch. His punishments are even worse than before; sometimes he'll just keep you tied up on the bed for days without any social interaction even with himself or he'll carve his name into your back. He might even kill you if you push him enough.

Kid

Hdjskakskskaiajak Yandere Kid is so violent omg. He will deadass kill anyone and everyone who even looks at you the wrong way. He's not delusional, he knows you dont love him but I advise you to go ahead and fall for him now. He doesn't want to hurt you but if you piss him off (which happens alot very quickly) he will shove you down but that's about it, instead he'll just start throwing and breaking things. He wants all you attention and doesn't want you speaking to anyone else but him and Killer. He'll punish you by not feeding you for days and yanking you around, he tries his best not to hit you and has done good so far but if you try to escape then that's a different story.

Luffy

Yall gonna have to hear me out on this and truly think.

Yandere Luffy is very similar to regular Luffy except the fact that he just stares at you and clings to you more often. Luffy is a delusional and does believe that you love him the same way he loves you and he refuses to share you with anyone else. He wont hurt you for small things, instead he'll just clingy to you more and wont let you go, he'll let the crew talk to you but only he gets to play with you. The only time he would hurt you is when you say something extremely hurtful to make him snap or if you hit him in the face, he'll give you that empty look and then break your arm while telling you it's your fault and if you weren't mean to him, this wouldn't be happening. He'll have chopper patch you up and act like the event didnt even happen.

[red-sector-rivendell]

media reccs? 👀 since apparently you are a man of good taste?

Wow thank you 😏 I have a masterlist of movies that have changed me I often recommend to people, I'll just copy and paste here with quick synopses lol, it's kinda long. I'm not super great at writing synopses tho so bear with me

Dead Poets Society (1989)

One of my favorite movies of all time and a total classic. It's about a group of boys at a strict boarding school who are inspired by their new English teacher (played by Robin Williams) to think for themselves and chase their dreams. This movie literally changed my life lol

Quadrophenia (1979)

This movie is based off of the story behind the concept album by The Who of the same name. It follow the life of a young man named Jimmy who is in a gang called the Mods. Theres this huge gang war between them and the Rockers (I think that's their name, it's been a while since i watched it) and Jimmy questions his beliefs about coming-of-age and his values in life throughout the film

Cabaret (1972)

Based off of the Broadway musical of the same name, this movie is about a British man who moves to Germany during the beginning of the rise of Nazis. He meets a woman who basically turns his world upside down, and it follows their love affair and sexuality and anti-semitism, and it's hilarious and heart wrenching and a beautiful movie

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)

This is a super trippy romance film. Basically in the universe of this movie, theres a technology that is developed that can delete memories of an entire person from your mind while you are in a dream-like state, and the main character of this movie (played by Jim Carrey) decides to undergo the procedure after a bad breakup. Its soooo good I highly recommend this movie

It's Such a Beautiful Day (2012)

This is an animated film about a man named Bill who is going through brain cancer. Its told from the perspective of an unnamed narrator essentially communicating everything Bill sees, hears, and experiences. This is the movie that got me into film and it is still a complete masterpiece and one of the most beautiful movies I've ever seen

The Dirties (2013)

Loved this one a lot back in high school, it's been a while since I watched it. This is a film made in Canada about a high schooler named Matt Johnson and his friend Owen who decide to make a short film for their class about them killing the gang at their school that bullies them, and things take a dark turn. It's a hilarious movie and hits pretty close to home for me in a lot of ways haha

Logan's Run (1976)

Great movie, pretty cheesy though so be warned. This is based off a book with the same name, and it takes place in the future where most of humanity is wiped out except for a small society that lives under a domed structure. No one is allowed to leave the dome, and to control overpopulation, no one is allowed to live past the age of 30. It's really bizarre but I love this movie

Donnie Darko (2001)

Pretty sure this was Jake Gyllenhaal's first big hit when he was super young (I think he was like 19 in this movie but I'm not sure) basically about this kid, Donnie Darko, who is somewhat schizophrenic and has a habit of sleepwalking. After one particular incident he has a near-death experience and starts seeing a man in a bunny costume everywhere who makes him do weird stuff. Another pretty trippy movie with a crazy ending

American Psycho (2000)

Honestly I'm sure a few on this list you've probably seen (most likely this one included) but I didnt wanna leave any out because they're all so good. If you haven't seen this, it's about a Wall Street executive named Patrick Bateman who is a materialistic phony by day and a serial killer by night. I tried to read the book but the inner dialogue was really hard to get through lmao. Awesome movie though huge recommend.

Clockwork Orange (1971)

Yet another trippy one. And fuck it's been a long time since I've seen it so I might get some stuff wrong here. But it's basically about this serial rapist guy who hangs out with this group of goons and they all like to go beat up homeless people and shit, but the main character gets captured and has to go through reformation therapy to make him a better person. It's an extremely bizarre movie but soooo good and kind of hilarious lol

Creep (2014)

Of course this is on my list haha. If you haven't seen it yet, it's a horror movie about this freelance film guy who answers an ad on craigslist to help a man with cancer film a movie for his unborn son. And shit gets weird real fast. One of my favorite horror movies ever, I wouldnt say it's super scary but it's fun as fuck

Hereditary (2018)

If I'm being honest, I don't like a lot of big movies made in super recent years and especially not horror movies (mostly because they're all cheap cash grabs with no substance) but this one is an exception for me. Hereditary is fucking masterful in my opinion, legitimately creepy as hell and well-produced and well written. To put the plot as vaguely as possible without spoiling anything, it's about a family (mostly the mother) who go through some crazy fucked up shit. That's literally all I can say without giving anything away. Super good flick, big recommend

Gattaca (1997)

This list isn't in any particular order, and I love all these movies to death, but if I had to rank them this would probably be on the lower end. It's not a bad movie, it's still great but it's just not as life-changing as the other ones lmao. This takes place in the future where genetic modifications have progressed to a point where you can modify your unborn child's DNA to have the perfect baby. This has led to, essentially racial bias against those who never had that procedure when they were born. The main character was not one of these "special" children, but he wants an extremely prestigious job which requires that of the employee. Through the film, he is trying to fake his identity and fool the company into thinking he is one of these perfect people. Still a great film

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (1998)

Johnny Depp, man, he is something else. I LOVE this movie. Based off a true story and a book written by the man who lived it, Hunter S. Thompson, this follows the adventure of the writer and his attorney as they go on a drugged-out, psychedelic romp through Las Vegas with the original intention being to cover a story on a motorcycle race, but things go off the rails as they both terrorize the entire city in a way. Just a fun ride the whole way, a great movie

The Truman Show (1998)

God I'm realizing this list is long as fuck. Don't watch all of these movies, it might take you a lifetime lmao. Anyway, this is a classic Jim Carrey movie and another one you've probably seen. But again, if you haven't, this movie is about a man whose entire life has been fabricated and shot for television without him knowing. Super great, super moving, fantastic film 10 outta 10 I gotta wrap this shit up

A Scanner Darkly (2006)

A lesser known Keanu Reeves movie, but fuck I wish more people have seen this. This is one of my favorite movies of all time, and it's based off a book which is just as amazing. This movie takes place in the near future, where facial recognition technology has progressed wayyy too far, and drugs have gotten to the point of no return. The plot follows a detective who is undercover in a junkie house trying to figure out who is the top of the drug dealing totem pole, but ends up wrapped in the junkie lifestyle a little too deeply. Seriously, I recommend this movie to everyone who asks, it's so damn good

Fight Club (1999)

Another popular one. If you havent seen it, it's based off a book by Chuck Palahniuk following the story of a man (the main character actually doesnt have a name lol) who meets a guy named Tyler Durden who changes his entire perspective on how the world works. They start an underground boxing club together to help themselves and other men blow off steam and get away from the capitalist consumer-centric lifestyle they are forced into. Big twist at the end, great movie five stars on yelp

Harold and Maude (1971)

This is a weird one. Gotta say. It's about a guy in his 20s who meets an old woman at a funeral and falls in love with her. Sounds pretty ok at face value but theres a lot of really strange subplots and a huuuuge twist at the end (one of the subplots being the guy compulsively fakes his suicide to get his mother's attention) big recommend

Polyester (1981)

This one I cant even explain u just have to watch it its fucking bizarre

Fargo (1996)

Ok lightning round on the synopses, this movie is about a man who wants to commit fraud by hiring guys to kidnap his wife so her father can pay them ransom and instead the husband gets the money but everything goes wrong it's really good

Bad Times at the El Royale (2018)

Another modern movie I actually like, last time I watched this I was on shrooms and it was crazy but it's about this hotel right on the border of california and (Nevada I think?) And all these weird people are staying at it and there are twists at every turn and chris hemsworth is a cult leader in it its great

Memento (2000)

GREAT MOVIE GOD PLEASE WATCH THIS ONE it's about a man who develops short term memory loss after witnessing the rape and murder of his wife AND WHEN I SAY THERE ARE TWISTS LIKE EVERY TEN MINUTES I MEAN IT. The film is chronologically backwards, in that the first scene takes place at the end of the story and works back from there in increments of like 5 minutes. Basically each scene is a segment of time that this guy remembers before his memory loss kicks in and he forgets and FUCK it's so good please god watch it

Almost Famous (2000)

This is another one that would probably be low on my ranking but still a great and fun movie, it's about this kid that wants to write articles about rock stars for the rolling stone (based off a true story btw) and he ends up running away to go ride on a tour bus with some band and gets into all types of shenanigans and its great and sad

Parasite (2019)

Another modern movie I love, fuck this is getting too long lmao. Poor family wants to make money and they hatch a scheme to pretend to be bougie and work for this rich family but shit gets weird and everything goes wrong and it's so good (also literally the only film ever that made me speechless afterwards)

Pulp Fiction (1994)

Pretty much lives up to the hype, I totally forgot the plot but it's pretty damn good I remember that lmao

The Warriors (1979)

Fun movie, theres a bunch of teen gangs in New York and the leader of all of em is like "hey we should rally all the gangs together and fuck up the cops so we can rule this city" but then he gets shot by someone in the crowd and the gang The Warriors gets blamed so the whole movie is them running from all the other gangs so they can get back to home base and it's just an all around fun time movie

12 Monkeys (1995)

THIS MOVJE IS CRAZY it takes place in the future where a virus has almost completely wiped humans off the face of the earth so these scientists send this guy back in time to figure out where it came from so they can stop it from ever happening but obviously everything goes wrong and yadda yadda yadda it's amazing

Waking Life (2001)

Gonna preface this by saying this film is definitely not for entertainment, it's kind of an arthouse-type flick. It's the type of movie you have to think really really hard about to watch. The basic plot is the main character is stuck inside his own lucid dream, and is walking around listening to all these characters in his dream talk to him about, idk like the meaning of life and consciousness and shit. It's really good if you're in the mood for that type of thing.

Okay I'm finally done, you probably didnt expect this but I've been meaning to put my movie recommendations on this blog anyway haha. I deleted some just cause it was getting wayyyy too long. If u want a shorter list I can just give u like a top 5 in DMs but there u go have at it, every movie on that list is a banger I swear

[bang-and-a-blintz]

Caught in the Web

This one is for our wonderful @hiphop-gir​! I sort of got a little carried away with this lol I’m sorry, it’s just that when I think of this delicious blonde serial killer version of Claes - my mind can’t help but to automatically lean towards more...twisted things. 😇

An interrogation goes...wrong in all the right ways?

Cheers!

Fandom: The Girl in the Spider’s Web

Relationship: Jan Holster//Reader

Rating: Explicit (18+)

Warning: Um very smutty and sort of dark. Some kidnapping, a bit of choking, and light threatening. 

Word Count: 2,651

~Caught in the Web~

A loud bang made you jump as the door burst open, bouncing off of the wall behind it. You couldn't see anything through the darkness of the sack covering your head, but you knew you were no longer alone in the musty room that your captors had placed you in.

Your wrists burned from the zip ties wrapped tightly around them and your shoulders were beginning to ache due to the awkward angle of having your hands tied behind your back. 

"Well, what do we have here?" A cold, deep voice cut across the room like a knife. You could hear the thumping of footfalls coming closer. "Relieve our…guest of those restraints."

Someone dashed over and you were temporarily blinded from the sudden brightness as the hood was ripped from your face. While you blinked, trying to quickly focus on your surroundings, the same person made work of the ties around your wrists and cut them free.

When your eyes finally adjusted and you rubbed the circulation back into your limbs, the first thing you saw made your throat go dry.

It was him. 

The spider who takes those unfortunate enough to fall into his trap and then makes them disappear.

Jan Holster.

You had only heard stories about the terrifying assassin that stood in front of you. Whispers in the wind of a man turned death machine for the Soviet's special ops before going rogue. Not many lived to tell the tales...but you had certainly heard stories, so it wasn't an entirely impossible feat.

Only no one spoke of how damnably attractive he was and you weren't sure how you felt about that.

"Leave us."

The man who cut you loose quickly scurried away. 

What remained was a nearly unbearable silence. You cautiously looked up to see the infamous killer staring at you with furious intent.

Jan was statuesque. His towering form seemed to take up the entirety of the cramped, dilapidated room. He was shrouded in a pitch-black long leather coat and endless dark layers of clothing. Protection from the bitter sting of the arctic temperatures. The shock of blond hair and icy blue eyes were stark in contrast. 

What really caught your attention was how his face was littered with several scrapes and bruises, as though he had just gotten out of a fight. You had the sneaking suspicion that he had won.

He looked scary as hell, intimidating, rugged, and downright feral. By all accounts, you should be very afraid, but the blasphemous heat pooling in the pit of your stomach spoke otherwise.

The severity of his stare pinned you in your seat. He placed his gloved hands flat on the table and leaned down, slowly and deliberately licking his lips. 

The predator eyeing his prey.

"Tell me," His voice was guttural, "Why were you running, kroshka?"

You swallowed thickly and shook your head, "I wasn't running, I swear I don't kno-"

"Shh," He cut you off, holding a finger up in warning, "No, no, no, ptichka. Do not lie to me. You saw their faces and you know where they are."

His words were clipped, barely concealing his frustration. The use of those sweet little pet names was like poison dripping from his mouth.

"I told you, I - I don't know."

"TELL ME THE FUCKING TRUTH!" Jan roared, his hands grasping the withering chair before him and threw it with all his might against the opposite wall. You flinched as it broke upon impact, scattering pieces of splintered wood across the floor.

"Please, I swear! I don't know anything!" Holding your hands up, you tried to plea with him to see reason, that you really were innocent in this whole ordeal. You were just someone who was at the wrong place and at the very wrong time. "Look, when that apartment exploded, those people disappeared before I knew what was even happening. There was so much smoke and the fire was taking over the entire building, it was all I could do to run before it took me too! Then your asshole goon squad threw me into the back of their van and brought me here. I don't know what the hell happened!"

He walked around the table slowly, coming to a stop directly behind you.

"Forgive me,” He sighed, “My temper sometimes gets carried away."

Finger by finger, he pulled off his leather gloves with precision and dropped them on the table in front of you. Then his cold hands were resting on your shoulders, though they were surprisingly gentle as he held you still.

His breath was suddenly against your ear and you fought to control your racing heart. It felt like it was going to jump right out of your chest and it nearly stopped when those large hands gave you a sharp squeeze.

A warning.

"I do not enjoy being lied to." He tutted as you tried to speak, "It makes me feel as if I am being treated like a fool. Do you think that I am a fool, kroshka?"

"N-no."

"I could not hear you."

Those freezing hands gripped you tightly now, the contrast of his cold fingers against your burning skin was regretfully delicious. You chided yourself for being so affected by this man.

"No!" You ground out with a hiss, squirming in the seat and pressing your thighs together. A weak attempt to alleviate the sudden ache you felt.

"Good." He hummed, tapping his digits slightly against your collarbone. 

Before you knew what was happening, Jan pulled you out of the chair and slammed you against the wall. The moment your back connected with the plaster, one of his hands wrapped around your throat to hold you still while his handsome face loomed over you with a dark expression.

You had never been so turned on in your life. 

The taste of danger made you insatiable; your morality and finite self-concern were now long gone.

"Let's try this again, hm?"

"Please, I -" You weakly tried to bite back a moan as he tightened his hold on your neck. To your embarrassment, Jan heard it.

He froze, blue eyes widening for a moment before sliding down to observe this new position. Almost as if he wasn't aware that he was the one who put the two of you there in the first place.

Your bodies were flush, his broad chest was completely encompassing as he pinned you to the wall. You couldn’t help but to arch towards him, thrumming with anticipation.

Now he was curious.

Testing the uncertain waters, Jan tensed his fingers again and you knew he could feel your pulse beating erratically beneath his hand. You sucked in a breath and shut your eyes firmly, trying so very hard to fight the blush rising on your cheeks.

When you finally opened them again, you were almost frightened to see his reaction, but to your surprise, his brows just rose. A small, devious smirk quirked his lips.

"Ah, I see." His voice dropped an octave and you felt goosebumps rise along your flesh. With a quick movement, he slid his own leg between yours and pressed it hard against your center. "You like this?"

The delicious tease of friction made you bite down on your lip, but you refused to respond.

"Answer me." He bounced his leg and you felt shocks shoot up your spine. The hand around your neck gave another squeeze, forcing you to meet his gaze.

His pupils were blown wide with lust and you could do nothing but groan, breaking down and grinding your hips slowly along his thick thigh. 

Desperate for anything he could give.

"Yes," You gasped, finding courage in the way his eyes fluttered shut when your knee lightly brushed against his crotch, "And it seems that you do too, Spider."

Growling, he snapped his eyes open and sent you a look of warning. He then pushed you harder into the wall, halting your movements entirely. "Where did they go?"

Was he still on about that? You fought an eye roll.

"I. Don't. Know." You hissed, snatching a fistful of his shirt and dragging him closer till you were just a breath apart. "And, to be honest, I don't fucking care."

His jaw ticked, but you stared at him defiantly, not backing down in the slightest. He didn't move. He didn't say a word. Jan just studied your face silently, searching.

Releasing his shirt, you brought your hand down, keeping your eyes locked on his, and gripped him through his pants. He was thick and big and undeniably hard.

"Is this really what you want?" Jan said, rather gruffly. His jaw clenched tightly as he fought control. 

This time you actually did roll your eyes. "Are you done interrogating me?"

You gave his cock another squeeze and he bucked, lips suddenly crashing onto yours to steal a searing kiss. It was a rough, demanding, teeth-gnashing, biting mess and when he pulled back you were completely breathless and absolutely wrecked.

It took a moment to understand why he stopped, as you tried to chase his venomous lips but he kept pulling back, just out of your reach. When you looked up in irritation at the deadly man, you realized what he was truly waiting for. Your consent.

"You want this?" Jan asked lowly, his chest heaved with his ragged breath and his bright eyes were wild. 

A man never looked more edible.

"Yes, I do. I want you to fuck me. Right now." You spoke, gazing up at him through hooded eyes, barely comprehending the unadulterated sultry tone of your own voice, "Now shut the fuck up and get to it, kozyol."

He needed no more convincing as he swung into action, latching onto your lips again and tugging you back over to the table. You jumped up to sit on it while he maneuvered himself in between your legs, not for a second breaking the consuming kiss.

The man was everywhere, his hands grabbing and pawing with a desperate vigor, his mouth was wet and sloppy and delectable; you took everything you could get. The tension that dominated his body gave you the hint that this sort of release was long overdue. You were happy to help with this investigation in any way you could.

With a rough tug, you ripped out his belt and made quick work of unbuttoning his pants. He was heavy, hot, and positively swollen underneath your palm. The pad of your thumb swiped the precum pooling from the tip and he groaned deeply, snapping his hips into nothing, desperate for some sort of friction.

The next thing you knew, one of his cold hands were down your pants, and without warning, two of his impossibly large fingers slipped inside you.

"Holy fuck!" You gasped, breaking away from his lips to suck in a deep breath. A third quickly followed, opening you up even further. You moaned loudly, body pliant to his attentions as he curled up against that spot that made you see stars.

Then they were gone just as quickly, but before you could whine in protest, he lifted you up further onto the table and ripped your pants off entirely. You could hardly take another shuddering breath as the cold air hit your bare cunt before he was back on you and teasing your entrance with the tip of his cock, gently sliding back and forth along your slick folds.

He paused, looking you dead in the eyes while his free hand came up to stroke the line of where your neck met your shoulder. Shooting you a villainous smirk, Jan yanked down the collar of your shirt, bit down hard on the sensitive flesh of your neck, and sank into your warmth. Your body curved up into his embrace and you cried out, the shock of both primal pleasure and scorching pain sent your nerves into overdrive.

Immediately, Jan set a bruising pace, the brutal intrusion was exactly what you wanted, what you fucking craved. You matched his thrusts and gripped his jacket, just to hold on to something, anything to keep you upright.

It was viceral. It was vicious. It was deliciously punishing as you both fucked each other as if your very lives depended on it.

He replaced his teeth with his hand once more and squeezed down on your windpipe, his mouth edging over until he was panting into the shell of your ear, "This is what you needed, hm? You needed a good fuck."

Changing the angle, he delivered a sharp thrust that stole your voice.

"You wanted someone to take control, to use your body, to possess your very soul." He growled lowly, "Glaza boyatsya, a ruki, hm? You fear it and that drives you fucking wild."

You moaned loudly, too far gone to care about his biting words. With every pleasurable sting, you felt yourself drawing closer and closer to the precipice. The pit deep in your gut burned and boiled and was surely going to explode if he kept up with that filthy mouth of his.

“Yes, that’s it.” Jan grunted, a bead of perspiration trailed down his face from his efforts, “You desire someone who would wreck you from the inside out and make you beg for more."

"Fuck, yes, bistreye! Faster, please, I - oh, fuck!"

The man's hips were like pistons; relentlessly slamming into you, filling you to the brim before pulling back out just to bury himself inside again, deeper and deeper. You nails tore at his shirt as you shattered around him, coming almost violently and nearly choking yourself as you writhed against his hand.

He let go of your throat and stole what little breath you still had away with his lips, blocking your cries and moans from traveling too far outside the small room. Your body was wracked with trembles as you rode your high, letting wave after wave of sinful delight roll over you.

The Spider doubled his efforts, his hips stuttering in a punishing rhythm and his hands were gripping your flesh so hard, you were certain there would be an endless amount bruises waiting for you later. 

With a roar, he came, chomping back down on the sensitive and abused spot of your neck, gripping you tightly against his shaking body. He pumped once, twice more before exhaling a deep breath and falling to his elbows around you.

The tension seeped from your bones as you collapsed back onto the table. Blissfully sated. Nothing but the sounds of your gasping breaths filled the room as the both of you struggled to maintain normal oxygen levels.

That might have been the best sex of your life. 

It was worth it to come undone beneath the brutality of this devilish man, despite the lingering fear of your own impermanence. You supposed the thrill of temporality was a wonderful aphrodisiac.

Suddenly his lips were on yours. This time the kiss was soft, gentle, deep, and full of strangely unfamiliar feelings. Jan delicately plied your lips open, his velvet tongue circled yours, and he groaned as you lapped back cautiously. The hand that threatened to squeeze the life from you was now stroking a calming pattern against the swell of your cheek.

He pulled away after a moment, tucking himself back into his pants and slicking any errant blond hairs back in their place. 

Once satisfied, he looked at you with a cunning little smirk. "This information will suffice. Thank you for your…assistance."

Before you could even blink, he was gone.

The door slammed shut behind him and you sat there, stunned. Rather than rushing to dress and flee back to your home, which would be the logical course of action; all you truly wanted now was more time caught up in the Spider's web.

Welp there it is! Inspired by that sexy scene where he’s all bloodied up and looks tasty. Someone stop me.

*my attempt at writing with the Russian language - if I got anything wrong, I apologize*

kroshka - little one

ptichka - little bird

kozyol - bastard

Glaza boyatsya, a ruki - The eyes are afraid, but the body still commands. (You feel the fear, but do it anyways)(Russian proverb)

bistreye -  faster

Tagging:

@vissidarte213 @hyacinth-meadow @gabesprincess​ @festering-queen​ @thebeautyofdisorder​ @hoefordarkness​ @allis143​ @torntaltos​ @guardianbelle​ @greenisms​ @cam-bang​ @feralstare​ @profiler-in-courage​ @enchantedfleur​

(just in case anyone else was interested - feel free to message me if you’d like to be removed or added)

[jay-and-dean]

I don’t need you  Chapter 7 : Borderline Villains

Dean x reader

Summary : She’s a warrior, she’s a loner. Nothing can stop her, nothing ever had. She doesn’t need Dean, does she ?

This is a request by @magssteenkamp​ that I decided to turn to a serie, see the original request on the serie Masterlist.

Serie Warnings : Swearing (duh). Mention of death. Smut, probably all kind from rough to fluffy, I’ll precise in the chapters if there are specific warnings. Fluff. Angst of course.

Chapter warnings : Swearing. Angst. Implied smut. Fluff

Words : almost 3k

Note : I’ll try to stick to the 3k rule, like for Rescue You

I thank @roonyxx​ because I would never have made it without her. She kept me motivated when I was exhausted and discouraged. And for the calculations... 

If everything goes as planned, you’ll get one chapter every wednesday (Thanks to @magssteenkamp, I call it WednesJay, lol. Sorry okay, I shut up).

***Want to read more ? => MASTERLIST***

*** I don’t need you MASTERLIST***

_________________________________

             7. BORDERLINE VILLAINS

 Reader's Pov

             My fingers hurts from gripping Dean's belt so hard, and my throat is sore from holding back screams.

           I'm panting, focused on him still inside of me, on his shaking sweaty palms under my spread thighs.

           I want him there forever...

           I fight against this thought with all my brain but the truth is I really want him right there for the rest of my life. And it's not my brain asking for this... Just being one with him, his lips on my neck, his arms holding me tight. Like nothing could happen to me, like everything was right for once.

           And his smell.

           The crush kid-me had on him evolved, despite my will to curb it. And I have to admit now that it's not just about the hero... But about the man. This is terrifying.

"Y/n" he whispers in my ear, like he was asking me to be with him and I close my eyes at his voice resonating in my core.

He's softening inside of me and, deep down, I want to cling to him. But I have to let him go... I can't take that risk.

           I look down, his scruff tickling me, and see the gun on the ground, sighing. When he puts a shy kiss on my collarbone, I finally find the strength to push him.

           I can't get attached to Dean.

           Because close is dangerous. Because he would be so disappointed if he could see me, stabbing humans in the chest, cutting throats like a serial killer. Bad men I'm killing... but still people.

           And Dean is not a man of one woman, I know that, I have read the books about his life a hundred times, studied him, I have seen him flirt without even realizing it during the hunts. Who could be enough for a man like that ? No one deserves Dean Winchester for them alone.

           I know myself. That's what a lot of lonely times does to a person, that's what being confronted to your limits does. I do know Y/n... And I know that give in to Dean would mean love.

           I can't do that. Not love. It would break me.

"Move" I say low.

He takes a deep breath and withdraws, his cum dripping from me like the world was telling me it was too late to not get my heart too close to fire.

           He puts me on my legs cautiously and searches my face, but I avoid his eyes, trying not to look too cold, but inaccessible in a way, to make him understand.

"That was really hot" I state, bending to reach my pants. "You're... really good at this" I try to compliment him.

"Good at this" he repeats, stern.

"Yeah" I whisper, feeling like I could  suddenly cry at the hint of hurt crossing his manly face.

"Good at this" he says again, like he was trying to digest my words, putting his cock back in his pants, and closing his belt harshly. "Can we talk ?"

"About what, Dean ?" I shrug, my armor getting thicker.

"About us" his green eyes hitching on me, he sighs.

"There is no 'us'. Don't..."

He nods, biting his lower lip, his eyebrows slightly raised.

"Yes..." he sighs.

Adjusting his flannel, he poses a second, still looking at me, and finally turns to leave.

 Dean's Pov

             I could kill her right now. I could...

           I rub my face on the parking, not wanting to go back to Sam and I's room right away. I don't want to face my brother and I don't want to see that stupid bedroom again.

           I just want to scream, and fucking kill her ! My anger is making my blood boil and I have to stop myself from running back to her room three times.

           Why do I even care ? She doesn't want me, she doesn't care. She's a good friend and an awesome hunter, it should be enough. The only one I can blame is me.

Talk about us.

Stupid !

How desperate do I sound now, huh ? What would I have said anyway ? It's not like we were going to, I don't know, date ? I can't have a relationship, and it was always fine like that. And Y/n... She's not like the others, she's not someone you can bring home to cuddle, she's not someone you can own or tame.

           Y/n is wild. And even if she was not...

She doesn't like you. Not because you have those... damn feelings !

"Stupid !" I groan, hitting the wheel of Baby with my foot.

           What do I do now ? What am I supposed to do ? I can't forget us, she lives with us... I can't seduce her, I can't have her, I can't let her break me. And when she decides to go, I won't hold her back.

           She will leave. She will.

           Maybe I just need to be a good friend. Stop whining and be a friend... I admire her, and I really like her being around, so I will just take that, and suffocate those unrequited feelings that are making me crazy.

           I have no right to be angry.

             I enter the room and avoid Sam's eyes when I go to the shower. I can feel his glare on me but I don't want questions, I don't want him to ask me if we "talked"... He called her a time bomb...

Well guess what Sammy, my heart just exploded.

 ***

             The victim is talking to Y/n, she saw her friend being hunted by a weird man with claws and sharp teeth... She is in shock and shaking. But somehow, Y/n makes her calmer, like magic ; and she does with a softness I wish I could seen in her eyes when she looks at me.

           But it is not going to happen, because she barely looks at me anyway since that evening three days ago.

           I can't help but wondering : Did I hurt her ? We were rough and wild. Or did I scare her ? How could I... She was the one holding a loaded gun to my head. No... She just regrets it.

           Simple and hurtful regret.

           Sam is staring at her like he was trying to understand how she can be so fierce, and so sweet. She just can, she just is. Both leather corset and Hocus Pocus t-shirt. She's a kid that grew up too fast, she built defenses no one can really understand, but her heart is still all new and shiny under it, too sensible behind the walls.

           Walking to us, she bites her lips anxiously and I can tell she's sincerely pained by the young girl grief.

"She said it was before midnight" she states. "She's absolutely sure. Sorry Sam, it doesn't match. Maybe we should just... take a little break ? You guys look exhausted. I say we go eat something, and we take turns to sleep. Sam you need a nap, I'll keep searching okay ?"

When I'm about to decline her offer, my brother sighs, and accepts, admitting he's so tired his head hurts.

"We've been hunting for months, I really think we need a serious break after this one. Dean you look like crap" he says and I chuckle.

"Thank you Sammy, always a pleasure."

             The room is silent, and I would appreciate the calm if my heart wasn't resonating so hard in my skull.

           Sam went to sleep a little, giving us a thousand orders, and Y/n wrote everything down, winking at me. I understood later that she just wanted him to be relaxed enough to sleep, so she made him think everything was going to be exactly like he wanted to while he was resting...

           She's focused on her screen, reading something with a light frown, now and then writing down something on a notebook she bought a few days ago. And it makes me think of all those notebooks she had.

"When did you start writing on notebooks ?" I break the silence, clearly surprising her.

"I... uhm" she hesitates a second, then dive her eyes deep inside mine. "I had no laptop when I was... when I had no home. So in my bag I could only fit a notebook... Later it kinda became I don't know, a habit ?" she chuckles lightly, almost OCD if you want my opinion."

"It is an awesome idea, my dad's journal saved my life more times that I can count" I smile shyly.

"Yeah... well" a sad look appears on her face. "Your dad's journal didn't burn. When I think I could have saved everything if it was a numeric file..."

"I'm sorry" I sigh, not knowing what else to say.

"It's life" she shrugs. "And I'm used to lose everything at once."

I swallow hard, her words hurting me right in the chest, getting up to get two beers and a few snacks. Handing one to her, I dare :

"How long ?"

She looks up at me before I sit again, closing the book in front of me to make her understand I really intend to talk now. She always thinks she has to be by herself, she doesn't, she has friends now, she has me, and if I can't be anything else than that, at least I'm going to be a good friend.

"What ?" she takes a sip of her fresh beer.

"How long did you stay alone in the street ?"

She freezes, looking down for a minute, playing with the label of her beer, like there was anything to be ashamed of. There isn't.

"After my parents died... When I was 12. I... I tried to get out of the city to join that aunt I heard of in Main, my father used to say she was a nice person. I had never seen her but I knew her name" As I listen, I sit back in my chair, giving her all my attention. "I didn't want to go to a children home, because I knew cops would interrogate me... and, well I also knew vampires controlled some cops."

The more she speaks, the more she looks like that beautiful woman that got up in the middle of the night in her apartment with her messy hair. She pushes some strands out of her face and takes a shaky breath, still not looking at me.

"But, yeah, the vampires were looking for me, and of course, everyone was. The daughter of the murdered couple had disappeared, my face was everywhere. That stupid picture of me sitting on the couch with my Nintendo..." she shakes her head like remembering that picture was making her uncomfortable. So I hid. It was... really pathetic, Dean, nothing was heroic about it."

She takes another sip of her beer, closing the zipper of her hoodie, like she subconsciously needed to hide.

"Time passed. People concluded I was dead, and my face disappeared from the streets. The first year I didn't have enough money to go to Main anyway... Why am I telling you all that ?" she sighs.

"Please, you know everything about me because of those books, just... tell me a little more" I almost plea, and she bites her lip.

"The next years, I just thought it was better for my aunt too, if I stayed dead. Thanks to the Supernatural books, I knew about hunters... It was a book, but has vampires existed for real, why not hunters ? It took me years to find signs of their existence. When Joe..." she swallows hard, holding back tears. "When Joe found me turning around the bar like a stray cat and offered me food, then that first job, I was eighteen. It saved me from the cold and the hunger. I couldn't work with alcohol but he trusted me to clean after he closed the bar. Hunters didn't ever acknowledge me. But at some point, I asked about you, you know..."

"Really ?" I raise my eyebrows, my own voice annoyingly interrupting her story.

"Yes... Th-they told me to forget about you, they said you were dead 'again' after fighting leviathans."

When I really thought talking about her parents death, or Joe's would be what crushes her, she wipes a tears saying that.

"Y/n" I say getting closer cautiously, my chair aware that this could make her close totally for good. "I... I came back."

But she doesn't close, her wet eyes finally come up to mine and search my face.

"You don't understand Dean. You were the... the hope. I used to hold on to those books and sleep with them against me like a bible" her voice breaks. "And the very second I learn my hero actually exist for real... they tell me you are dead."

I put my hand on hers, holding back tears ; my brain suddenly randomly realizing she's way younger than me, I never actually thought of it.

"It's..." I try but what to say after that ?

"That's when I understood if I needed a hero, I had to become one, and only count on myself."

I lower my head, my heart pounding in my chest, still convinced that any faux pas could make her shut me out completely.

"That's why you can't... grow attached to anyone..." I dare.

 Reader's Pov

             His hand is sending shivers in my spine, and his words hit me like a fucking train.

"Among other reasons, yes" I whisper, my emotions strangling me. "But yeah... Look what happened to Joe..."

I wish I could push him away, tell him to leave me... But the strength irradiating of him is wrapping me like reading books used to. I feel both safer and exposed...

"What reasons ?" he asks after a while, like he was weighting his words.

Dean is not someone that usually insists on talking, so I guess he really wants to understand something.

"Dean... Your brother is right... I'm a time bomb" I free my hand from his. "Not the fun kind. I... I get angry."

"I get angry too" he states, serious.

"Dean... listen. You said killing humans was the definition of monsters..." I swallow and take a deep breath. "Then I am just that."

"Me too... you and me... we're borderline villains" his index finds my chin and lifts it to make me look at his face.

I just can't get used to how beautiful he is.

"Sam did researches on you, Y/n... With help and a witch friend... he found some things, and a trail of human monster corpses in your wake... We watched who you killed and... I'm so sorry you had to face all of this so young... Who would I be if I told you that you should have bought them to justice ? Violence brings violence..."

My heart falls from my throat and I nod.

           He knew. I knew and he's telling me that he would have done the same... Suddenly, the high walls around my soul fall apart and I burst in tears.

           He quickly bends and wraps his arms around me tightly.

"I'm not in Purgatory... I'm not in books, I exist... I'm right here, Y/n. I'll stay here. I'm so sorry you were confronted with all that sick crap so young..."

I cling to him, hiding in his neck to cry, my hands fisting his flannel like my life depends on it. His palms are flat on my back, and it feels like he was holding me together.

           The door suddenly opens, and I slightly jump, but Dean puts a protective hand on my head and I know I have nothing to fear.

"We will be here in a few, Sammy" Dean says softly.

"N-no problem..." Sam stammers and clears his throat. "Rowena found something on the vampires but you take your time."

"Okay, thank you" my hero says, still holding me.

           The door closes and I let go for a second to wipe my face, afraid to soak his skin with tears.

"Y/n..." he catches my eyes.

And before I can see it coming, his soft plum lips slowly crushes on mine, my salty tears wetting both our lips.

           I close my eyes and forget with kisses are too important. Nothing is really important anymore. So I let him kiss me, his lips tasting mine shyly...

Too late for not falling in love.

________________________

***FEEDBACK IS GOLD***

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I don’t need you tags : @charmed-asylum​​​ @prettydeaneyes​​​ @hellsenthero​

[ace-trainer-risu]

omg i would like to know the hated author...

OH thank you for asking I was. of course secretly deeply hoping someone would ask so I would have an excuse to go off. 

The author [dramatic pause] is VE Schwab!

Now I will pause (again) to say that I just spent like two hours writing a six page long essay on exactly why I dislike her as an author (I don’t know anything about her as a person so no feelings there) but then when I reread it I started to feel worried that it might hurt someone’s feelings who really likes her as an author, so this is a slightly redacted version.

But basically there are three things I hold against her.

For context, I’ve only actually read one book by her, A Darker Shade of Magic. But it’s not just that I didn’t like it. It’s that it left me angry. I read it a year ago and I still get furious when I think about it. It is, in my opinion, a profoundly toxic and hateful book. 

While at the same time also being a very boring and bland book.

So that’s point one) I just don’t get the hype. I read ADSM b/c I saw it recommended everywhere, but I really don’t get why? It’s not very well-written. Purely on a technical level her writing isn’t bad, but it’s not good either, its very...okay. The world building was really disappointing (it’s about four alternate worlds but they’re all almost. exactly the same. which was super disappointing. and also she seems to be under the illusion that london is like the most important place in the world?) The characters are bare minimum sketches, they basically feel like she came up with an initial concept and then never went any further. The characters aren’t particularly likeable or compelling, either, except for one character who...I felt like you weren’t actually supposed to like, lol. The pacing was actively bad. The plot doesn’t really start till around halfway through the book. I actually started ASDM twice and gave up on it the first time b/c it was boring. when I tried again the second time, I thought I had only read maybe the first quarter of it on the first try b/c I couldn’t remember anything happening, but it turned out I had actually read about half, its just that nothing happens in the first half. 

to be fair, I have read reviews of a different book she wrote which specifically praised the writing, so maybe she just did a shitty job on this book and she writes better in her other work?

point two) if you only pay attention to the text of the story, it’s fine! again, its not particularly compelling but its fine. but if you pay any attention to the subtext, its...really misogynistic and queerphobic. its incredibly pervasive through the whole text. 

for one thing, the female protagonist is introduced and is immediately like “Oh. I hate all other women.” (No one asked!) which is not necessarily bad in and of itself, except that...not only is her sexism never called out or contradicted, its actually actively supported by the text. there’s only one other important female character, and she’s Evil(TM), and also gets killed. the very few other female side characters are either someone’s mom or are portrayed as being extremely shallow and vapid and silly. they act exactly how the female protag despises women for acting. so...I don’t think its intentional but you’re left with this weird impression that the female protag is completely justified in her internalized misogyny b/c apparently all other women ARE bad. also, the female protag likes wearing boy’s clothes, which is great, but there’s this weird vibe that girls who don’t wear boy’s clothes are like, dumb and bad and sexist. I think the author is trying to critique repressive female clothing in the past (female character is from regency era england) but she does it really badly and instead accidentally(?) implies that girls who wear skirts are like. dumb sluts. a very weirdly sexist take. like it literally feels like this book hates women and specifically hates them for wearing “women’s” clothes.  *also not the point but it’s really funny that of all the time periods to critique for restrictive clothes, she picked regency england. ah yes, the torturous constraints of...empire waisted dresses and minimal or no corsets. dastardly! 

for another thing, the queer rep is just...so so bad. there’s one explicitly multisexual person (bi or pan isn’t specified but something along those lines) who gets tricked by a manipulative man older than himself heavily implied to be gay (bad) and gets horribly injured and almost dies (bad) basically just so the straight male protag can have angst (bad!). 

the manipulative guy implied to be gay is in turn being magically controlled by...a different! manipulative older man (bad) and is strongly implied to be sexually abused by that man (bad) and the straight main character literally never tries to help him in any way (bad) and ultimately kills(ish) him (bad) but it’s revealed that he basically chose to die (bad) because it was like, the only way he could ever escape his suffering (very bad!!) and the main character then! uses! his dying body! in a spell! to save his own fucking life! and basically disposes of his still alive! body into hell like he’s garbage (so bad I’m literally still fuming of it over a year later)

and then there’s the guy who is manipulating that guy, who is an older man heavily implied to serially abuse and assault teenage boys and young men (bad!!). he also dies too which is fine and good in and of itself...*

except for the fact that of our three queer-adjacent characters, two die and one is horribly injured and almost dies. two are abused and one is an abuser. two are used as angst-fodder for straight characters and one is literally sacrificed, coldly and selfishly and without his consent, to save a straight character’s life. they’re all closely associated with injury and death and trauma and abuse and it’s suggested that death is the only escape. 

subtextually speaking, this book hates queer men and punishes them for existing. 

*note: I want to specifically say that “enjoying abusing teen boys” does not automatically make a person gay or queer. that’s not what being gay/queer means. HOWEVER, there is a long and ugly history of gay men being portrayed as predators who deliberately prey on and abuse younger men, and this character plays directly into that stereotype, and that is why I included him. not b/c he’s positive queer rep but exactly because he isn’t

thirdly) about a year ago there was a bit of buzz about ve schwab writing a book with a canon asexual character...except I looked into it and a) it’s not actually canon at all; the book only says he’s disinterested in sex, which is by NO MEANS the same and it’s shitty to conflate the two when there’s a vast spectrum of asexual experiences (to be clear, it would be one thing if the text said he was asexual AND disinterested in sex. to say he’s disinterested in sex and that equals asexuality is a whole other thing, and is wrong), and schwab then confirmed on her twitter that he’s meant to be asexual. That’s not the same its not the same and we all know its not the same. b) this character is in fact a villain, which is frustrating when asexuality is FREQUENTLY and harmfully associated with people being heartless and unfeeling and evil and like, literal serial killers; to be fair, as I understand it the majority (all?) of the characters in these books are villains, so that’s less bad, but to be fair again, apparently this specific character is also portrayed as being, like “a sociopath” which is ableist AND goes back to all the stuff I said above. and c) what really annoys me is that in her tweets at the time she was very smug about this and fully patted herself on the back. she did half-assed, unresearched “rep” which wasn’t even actually canon and then acted like she was doing ace ppl a favor. excuse me, I didn’t actually ask to be represented by you. 

SO YEAH that’s not the...medium and short of it. the long and short is reserved for a Cursed(TM) google doc filled with my rage. but the tl;dr is that I think she’s an overhyped writer who wrote a profoundly misogynistic, homophobic book and trumps herself up over rep she didn’t actually do a good job of providing. and I would definitely never read another one of her books. The End!

[doctorgerth]

Heyyy !! Can I request relationship hc for Hawkins, Killer, Kid and Bonney please ?

You sure can! I went ahead and did 20 hcs for these peeps too. I have already done Killer here (i LOVE that we’re seeing more of him in requests) so I have Hawkins, Kid, and Bonney for you!Please forgive me for the utter trash that is Bonney’s part, I just couldn’t think too much for her! Hopefully we’ll learn lots more about her soon so I can do her justice lol 

I hope you enjoy regardless, anon! Thanks for your request! x 

Relationship HCs: Hawkins, Kid, Bonney 

Hawkins

(i really find it interesting to write for him, I hope i portray him ok)

- it takes a lot of self sacrifice for him to commit to a person romantically as he is a bit selfish and more driven by his own personal endeavors

- he’s not too familiar with the selflessness and commitment that is required in romantic relationships as he hasn’t had much experience in that area

- but it goes a bit deeper than that, he’s actually terrified of giving his all to another person as there’s just so many things that could go wrong

- so he prefers to keep himself distant, save himself from pain; Hawkins doesn’t like to make himself vulnerable to others so he sure won’t set himself up for that kind of failure if he can avoid it  

- when he enters a relationship, he is initially very hesitant; he definitely prefers to learn about his potential s/o before he ever tries to bring romance into the picture, he’s not one to just dive headfirst into unfamiliar territory

- Hawkins is a bit awkward as this type of relationship is very new to him, so he asks that his partner be very patient with him because he is genuinely trying

- he wouldn’t enter a relationship just to waste each other’s time, so when he pursues someone there’s meaning to it, he sees potential in that relationship (or his cards are literally telling him to trust them)

- due to his awkwardness he has a bad habit of blushing when his partner does/says something endearing

- he honestly hates this about himself, as it breaks his stoic nature, so he tries desperately to hide his flushed face from everyone and he’ll just kind of awkwardly walk away to avoid any teasing comments

- reserved when it comes to affections; on the outside it might seem like he and his s/o are simply comrades as he doesn’t really like to display his affectionate side in public nor does he publicly acknowledge them as his s/o (this is to protect them of course)

- he’s not a very touchy man even behind closed doors and he doesn’t want a very touchy/clingy partner either; he cherishes his independence and alone time, so he expects his partner to respect that and take time to enjoy themselves as well

- it’s not like he’s completely opposed to affection, he just thinks there is a certain time and place for these actions and he prefers to limit them, since superfluous affection loses meaning in his mind

- he believes romantic/affectionate moments between him and his lover are not meant for a show, they are private moments that he wishes to share and treasure with them alone

- some of his favorite ways of displaying affection are squeezing his partner’s hand in his or leaning his forehead against theirs, it really calms his anxiety

- it takes a lot to crack those lips of his into a smile, but he’s not opposed to a partner who can make his lips turn upward every now and then; only his s/o gets his kind, genuine smile; but they must remember that he hates jokes, so trying to crack a joke to make him smile will pretty much never work 

- easy ways to get him to smile are genuine compliments, thank you’s, or simple words of adoration, nothing too excessive or cheesy 

- doesn’t realize just how protective he is until something happens to them the first time; it could be something as simple as them tripping over their own feet that triggers this protective streak that courses through him and he realizes he was created to protect them with his life

- so after that he tends to keep a close eye on them, ready to jump at their aide when needed, regardless if they can protect themselves or not

- despite his enigmatic nature, he’s actually great about discussing feelings; he hates confrontation/useless arguing, so he prefers to communicate rather than fight when they are at a disagreement; he’s a very understanding guy, and is really great at compromising

- Hawkins is very mature and desires an equally mature partner; he’s a bit reclusive at the beginning of a new relationship, but give him time and he becomes a truly compassionate s/o!

Kid

(my asshole husband)

- he is honestly shit at pursuing someone tbh; he’s a major flirt but at the same time in complete denial when actually facing his feelings for someone

- Kid doesn’t just fall in love, what kind of spell are they putting him under?; he straight up avoids his crush for as long as possible, praying that the feelings will just go away on their own

- and when they don’t he is pissed; he doesn’t have the time to be pursuing someone right now! how dare they make him feel this way about them?

- the whole “becoming official” thing is literally just him professing his feelings through rather rough displays of affection; he’ll randomly go up to them, grab them by the face, and just plant a deep kiss on their lips, looking to confirm whether they want to be his or not

- if they return his kiss, then he just sorta expects them to know that they are his now; he’s not good with words when it comes to emotional feelings, much preferring to show what he’s feeling as that’s all he’s ever known, and this doesn’t change in the least bit during the course of the relationship

- he needs a partner that is okay with him randomly approaching them, sometimes during inappropriate times, and just hugging them tightly or pressing a hard kiss on their lips, which sometimes lead to a rather steamy make out session in front of, well, everybody

- Kid could care less about how improper PDA is, he loves his s/o and he’s a very touchy guy, so he’s gonna express his affection anywhere and everywhere when he’s in the mood; he’s a fucking pirate captain, so he challenges anyone to say a thing about it to his face

- and honestly, if his s/o gets super flustered about PDA, that only drives him to do it more; he loves to get reactions out of people, his s/o specifically being his main target

-  so which goes without saying that Kid is a bit relentless in teasing his partner, whether it’s snide comments, sneaky little groping, or pranks, Kid just loves to keep his partner on their toes, and life with him is truly never ever boring

- he’s an insanely competitive guy that turns literally anything into a competition with his s/o, whether it be who can finish dinner the quickest, who can chug more beers before throwing up, or silly things like who can profess their love the loudest, he’s gonna go big and prove his superiority at all costs

- definitely the type to never go easy/let his partner win anything, Kid always has to be the winner and will constantly brag about it lol

- now life with Kid isn’t always fun and games, it takes a very special someone to put up with his antics; he’s a bit selfish at times, definitely a dickhead, and his temper tantrums are always a bit unpredictable, so his s/o needs to be aware and prepared

- once Kid gets truly angry, it’s damn near impossible to talk sense into him, therefore, I feel he needs someone patient and understanding; he needs someone who lets him fume during alone time, but also remains close by so as to keep him from doing anything reckless

-  arguing with Kid can be a bit tiring as he’s very vocal about his feelings, even if they don’t make sense sometimes, and he tends to yell a lot; he’s a bit childish during arguments, but it’s only because he lets his anger get the best of him

- once he calms down, he can offer a sincere apology and mature communication; he’s a bit hesitant to apologize as that goes against his pride, but with an s/o he truly loves, I feel as if he’s more inclined to admit when he’s wrong

- although a rough man, Kid really treasures gentle touches; soft hands rubbing away pain or anger or sadness from his body really help soothe him; he’s a sucker for gentle lovers, but also intrigued by people who aren’t scared to put him in his place when he’s being ridiculous

- besides physical affection, another way Kid likes to demonstrate his adoration is through gifts; he likes to make little trinkets or jewelry for his s/o, but he’s pretty shy about it, so they have to be quick in complimenting the gift

- if there’s any hint of hesitation, he’ll angrily throw it overboard and run back into his shop to make something better for them

- 100% protective and 100000% the jealous type; if you so much as look at his s/o the wrong way, you’re already dead before you can look away

- Kid goes all out in everything he does, and that makes relationships no exception; whether it’s fighting, sex, gift-making, teasing, cuddle time, or whatever, he truly puts his all into the relationship and feels no shame about it; when he loves someone, he truly loves them; they’re his forever and no one can change that

Bonney

(i luv this gif of her she’s so cute uwu)

- I feel as if Bonney can be a bit tsundere once she realizes she has romantic feelings for someone; she’ll be a bit harsh to them for making her feel so silly

- she’s a pirate, tough as nails, cunning as a fox, bends for no one…how could a simple person make her feel so vulnerable and desperate for their attention?

- like Kid, she will avoid them at all costs, disgusted by the butterflies they produce in her tummy, so she’ll overeat even more to stuff those butterflies down

- this doesn’t work however, as anytime she sees her crush she just melts, suddenly feeling a bit ill as her stomach can’t hold the food she eats anymore

- when she realizes she needs to confess, this is the brief time that she stops eating *as much* just because her nerves are all over the place

- the confession part is hella awkward, and she’s a bit brutish about it, simply blurting out her feelings and demanding their answer on the spot

- if they take too long she’ll get frustrated (note: scared) and will desperately try to run away after, determined to forget anything ever happened

- if they admit to liking her back however, she’s completely elated but even more nervous?? like what the hell do they do now?

- for a while, she’ll let her s/o take control of the relationship, guide her through the dates and other romantic gestures as she really has no clue?

- restaurant dates are always a go to, though they never go quite as planned because restaurants are never really prepared for Bonney’s appetite; plus they usually get kicked out cause of her table manners

- Bonney has pretty bad manners, so her s/o has to tolerate that, she doesn’t plan on changing for anybody so a partner who berates her for her attitude is instantly a turn off

- it’s honestly quite demanding for her partner if they can cook anything; the moment they cook something delicious for Bonney, she’s going to fall deeper for them yes, but she’s also gonna practically beg them to cook that thing for her like all the time now lol

- other than restaurant dates, she doesn’t really require fancy dates or gestures from her partner

- she’s a really simple girl and doesn’t typically enjoy being treated as if she were a princess or someone deserving to be spoiled; treat her like an equal and that’s all she could ever ask for

- she loathes people who act like she needs them to take care of her or try to treat her gently just because she is a woman; she can easily take care of herself, so she needs a partner who can see that and respects it

- if her s/o has an appetite like hers it’s both a blessing and a curse; a blessing because she finds it hella attractive for someone to love food as much as she does but also a curse because they are definitely going to fight over that last slice of pizza…

- PDA isn’t really her thing, so don’t expect her to be very touchy with her lover, she saves that for private time

- Bonney doesn’t like anyone too serious, but they need to have common sense; someone reckless will constantly stress her out, so she doesn’t really go for the wild type

- but she still loves to have fun with her s/o! she just doesn’t want to continuously worry about their safety

- going out on adventures together or kicking some ass together, she likes someone who keeps her life interesting, a partner who sticks by her side enjoying the same things in life that she does

[tippitv]

TippiTV liveblog: Supernatural 14.05 “Nightmare Logic”

The part that takes the longest in doing my traditional recaps is coming up with images, captions, and making all that stuff with my very old and slow computer. So, since I'm behind on those, I decided to just do this one as a liveblog, sort of. I typed all this in while watching the recorded episode and didn't go back to edit, in order to preserve the "live" part of liveblogging as much as possible.

Okay the THEN! makes it seem like there’s something wrong about Maggie, the girl from the apocalypse dimension whose name I can never remember. Also apparently Michael went around dressed like James Bond at a baccarat tournament and made a deal with werewolves. I just realized there’s still that episode I haven’t seen yet.

Maggie’s in a cemetery in Oklahoma. She pauses outside a mausoleum to vlog for a moment. I knew there was something wrong w/ her! She’s a YouTuber!

Oh she’s off hunting a possible ghoul by herself. That seems unwise.

So she’s in this mausoleum and as soon as the camera frames her on the left side of the screen I’m pretty sure a monster is gonna pop up on the right. Oh no it’s Peter Boyle! Peter, no!

TITLE CARD

Sam’s at the bunker talking to some of the apoca-hunters like he’s their professor. He’s like [insert THE MORE YOU KNOW gif here]

Dean lightly teases him about it. Sam says there are currently SIXTEEN HUNDRED OPEN CASES

Oh wait no he said sixteen hunters on cases. Lol. Oh also Maggie wasn’t vlogging. Hunters are using bodycams now. That was not a bodycam but whatever.

Wtf why was Maggie out officially hunting a ghoul by herself? Don’t they remember a ghoul killed their half brother?

Lol no they don’t. Dean’s trying to convince Sam they don’t know for sure that Maggie’s dead. “Ghouls don’t usually feed on the living.” Lololol.

The bros go to Oklahoma and check out the mausoleum. “Check it out,” Dean says, pointing out some drag marks on the floor. “Drag marks,” Sam says as if he knows in a tv show where people might not know what Dean was talking about.

They get found out by the groundskeeper but manage to bs something about being from the historical preservation blah blah and they’d like to talk to the owner. The owner’s thrilled to hear from them but har har, Mary and Bobby are already there having used the same bs story.

All that tech Sam has to keep track of the hunters and this still happened? Oh the guy I thought was the owner is actually the owner’s nurse. He has that Blatantly Comedic Facade that bad guys on this show frequently have so I’m calling him as a ghoul now.

The owner, hooked up to life support machines and getting a blood transfusion looks just like the guy from Maggie’s video. This alarms the Winchesters. I mean, maybe it’s just family resemblance or the fact that ghouls can imitate people. Like their half-brother.

Poor Maggie’s chained up somewhere, getting the blood drained out of her.

The guy’s daughter shoos them all away. As they confab outside, they decide he’s not a ghoul because Bobby “checked him for bite marks.” Like… even his ass? You can’t have possibly checked him everywhere.

Bobby’s mad at Sam for letting Maggie go on a hunt like this alone. Everyone splits up to look for Maggie. Oh no I think Sam and Mary are about to have an awkward talk about how she and Bobby aren’t boning like she’d expected.

“Bobby’s got balls, big ones,” she says. Oh shit.

Oh thank fuck I think she actually said he's got big walls. He's closed off and not wanting to talk about what's bothering him. Blah blah stuff about emotions and caring about stuff. Mary and Sam find a pile of old clothes and fake IDs in the woods at the same time Bobby and Dean find a serial killer shack. I mean, it's full of like pelts and bones and I've seen enough Hannibal episodes to know that means nothing good. Oh look there's a guy on the floor and he's the one in the fake IDs. Is he dead?

Bobby runs off to chase someone he sees in the woods. As soon as Dean turns around, the dead guy from the tomb attacks him. He looks less like Peter Boyle now that I see him in the light. Dean stabs him and he explodes into a cloud of dust.

The dead guy's daughter hears some creaking around in the house and goes to investigate. Some Nosferatu lookin' dude jumps out at her, but disappears after she trips.

"It looked like a vampire," she tells Sam and Mary after the commercial break. How did they know to go back to the house? The daughter's just as confused as I am. I should have paid attention to these people's names but oh well. Sam and Mary confess they hunt monsters. They should have like a little laminated fact sheet they can hand out to people.

They decide that something is hunting hunters on the property. Sam and Dean talk over some old episodes while they try to figure out what they're dealing with and come up with some kind of psychic manifestations from the dad in the coma.

Oh now Bobby's gone missing. Mary runs outside to look for him.

Sam and Dean were gonna go upstairs to the attic but for some reason Dean took a detour to have a Talk About Emotionally Distant Fathers with the daughter. Oh Sam's gone upstairs by himself and finds Maggie still clinging to life. The Nosferatu dude attacks while he's trying to unchain her, but a quick li'l stabbity and he poofs away into dust.

Meanwhile, Bobby's just meandering through the dark woods all by himself. A young guy with no eyes walks up to him. Bobby's like, "Daniel?!" and ostensibly Daniel's like, "Hey Dad!" Daniel's got no eyes but he's got a mean right hook! Down Bobby goes. That'll teach ya to go wandering off alone just because the script calls for it.

Ostensibly Daniel pins Bobby to a tree with... an angel blade? I think? Okay that looks like it's going right through his heart or at least his lung but I don't think he's scheduled to die again yet. Mary shows up and shoots Ostensibly Daniel but he does not poof into dust. Bobby unskewers himself to go save Mary. This time Ostensibly Daniel does poof, so I guess stabbing's the key.

Dean notices that old coma guy is getting a transfusion. His nurse makes some bullshit excuse about it but Dean's figured out the the guy is a djinn. Is that how they spell it on this show? Anyway, he knows because the same thing happened to him many seasons ago, and kudos to the show that for once it did not give away the monster of the week in the THEN! portion of the episode.

Ok so I was wrong about the guy being a ghoul but I was right about him being the baddie. That blatantly comedic facade gives it away every time.

Lol the djinn thinks Dean is still Michael. He thought this was all about Michael "testing" him, blah blah. He was supposed to kill as many hunters as he could. He tries to suck out Dean's nightmares but whatever he sees gives him the asshole sweats and Dean handily beats him to a pulp.

Wait so why was he taking blood from them? Ah fuck it, I don't care.

The Winchesters et al return to the bunker. Dean gives Sam props for bringing Maggie home. Mary bandages up Bobby's wounds. They waited until they got home for that? He opens up a little bit about how Daniel died in the angel wars.

Sam and Dean make some calls to off-screen hunters and to Garth who it took me a minute to remember is a werewolf now. Dean says to Sam that he's been trying to move on from all the things that happened with Michael all turduckened up inside him, my phrasing but you get the point, Wouldn't it be useful to try to remember more of what Michael did, though?

Sad acoustic guitar plucks sad notes while the Winchesters make sad statements about killing Michael somehow, someday.

[maximus31]

The Dreamer Hostel turned out to be quite a party hostel, with daily games for travellers to play and get drunk. This resulted in me playing Beer Pong for the first time, killer pool and card games in order to just drink more. It was just like being at University again. Also it was a great way of meeting my fellow travellers. All of them shocked when they found out my age.. “I thought you would have been late twenties max” they say lol.

Sitting at the bar, drinking a Club Colombia and chatting to Scott the Canadian that had a story for everything. I clock the bar girls stop mid pour and stare over my shoulder, I slowly turn to see what has caught their attention. Four guys arrive, the front two ripped and in good shape, and all in their twenties.

James was the blond with perfectly styled hair, who looked like he had just walked off the set of ‘Made in Chelsea’. It’s turns out he went to Harrow School, need i say more .. The other Ed, had the most incredible blue eyes that dazzled you against his dark hair and tan.

It turns out they are from the UK, best of mates that have just graduated and are travelling for a year. They join in on the drinking games with everyone else and once enough is consumes and the bar closes, we all head to a salsa club La Puetra in Santa Marta.

Boys being boys, they lark about and poor old Max, one of the four ends up with a sprained finger from trying to punch Ed. I sense this will be the sort of antics that will carry on through their year of travels. If they make it that far alive… Hilarious to watch.

So Hostel life has treated me pretty well so far, but I soon realise that it is a hot bed for germs and god knows what else. All across Santa Marta there is a break out of pink eye, and several in my hostel have it. Apparently it had originated from the ‘Lost City’ four day trek, and from a couple of Gringos. Some travellers coming North from Medellin report of it having made it the 835 km South. 

Luckily I have avoided it – maybe it’s because I never use the gross hand towels. Why would anyone!!!

One of the good things about being gay in Colombia, is there is little chance of meeting a hooker in a bar. For the straights its just damned hard to avoid it. Prostitution in Colombia is legal and they are everywhere.

Dancing on the rooftop at La Brisa Loca – the best venue I have been to in Colombia. An attractive woman comes up to me and starts to dance, we speak some Spanish. I find out she is from Medellín and then she grabs my crotch and says “You like Sex”…

I say “No Gracias¨and move away.

Now I warn a couple of my new found friends to be careful of the the ladies, that some are ‘ladies of the night’. The majority heed my advice and some do not.. #dontkissahooker.

Thankfully we all successfully make it back to the hostel together.

What I love about this travelling alone, is you can do what you want when you want, you have the freedom to choose and just go with the flow. I did exactly this and changed my plans and headed to Minca and stayed at Casas Viejas for two nights.

Minca lies 650m high in the Sierra Nevada and is a new find on the traveller route for Colombia, so still pretty unspoilt and only 15km from Santa Marta.

Casas Viejas is thirty minutes further up the mountain and only accessible by motorbike. I hop on the back with both my travel backpacks and make the steep climb sometimes off road. Ouch my thighs..

I hop off the bike at my destination. The beautiful Casas Viejas is in the middle of a finca – coffee farm. The view from the main dinning area is the best I have seen yet. Looking out across the jungle to the cloud covered mountains ahead with just the birds playing their tunes. Absolute paradise.

     The mornings are even more spectacular and on a clear day you can see Santa Marta on the horizon. At night your can walk higher up the finca to ‘Sunset point’ with a beer and watch the sky turn red and see the twinkling lights of Santa Marta in the distance. The food is pretty good here too, all cooked by volunteers. It’s perfect for hiking, bird watching over 300 species and seeing a lot of bugs, spiders and butterflies.

     The Coffee tour at La Victoria, was well worth the 20,000cop £5. This Coffee farm like so many others is completely self sustainable thanks to the nearby waterfall powering everything. The water powers a single generator that powers the farm, the local brewery , the surrounding houses and the hostel.

A 24 pipe system across 150 hectares delivers the freshly picked Coffee beans to the little processing plant, and then goes through several processes of washing to make a bean ready to sell. Who knew most coffee is sold and shipped to its destination as a white bean, and is then roasted in the final destination.

     Nothing is wasted, the good coffee beans are sold to international buyers, the less quality coffee is sold locally and the skin layers that are removed from the coffee bean are all used to make fertiliser for the new plants. Too think that this area was a no go zone for travellers just over two years ago due to the fighting that has plagued Colombia for so much of its past.

Due to my two amazingly chilled nights in the mountains I only have one night in Cartagena. Which to be honest I was fine with, from what I had heard from other travellers and from what I could see when I arrived.

After the six hour bus journey, I took the 30 minute taxi to El Viarejo in the old town, and just saw a dirty, uninspiring tourist trap, full off ugly hotels. The old town was mildly better with some colourful colonial buildings, but little else. The stifling heat and humidity makes it hard to want to do much.

Due to Avianca changing my flight to a 10am from a 7pm I didn’t have time to see much more of the city. Cali was my next destination and where my Colombian journey will come to an end.

Cali is home to Salsa, so I was so excited to be experiencing the city and meeting up with my travel chum Laura. Taking the one hour flight, was far better than the 20 hour bus. I arrived at El Viarejo in the district of San Antonio. I took a taxi from the airport which took 30 minutes and was 45,000cop £11.

El Viarejo have a few hostels in Colombia and out of the two I stayed in, this was the better of the two. The staff were much friendlier and the layout much nicer than the long corridor of Cartagena. The pool was perfect for cooling down, and the free nightly Salsa lessons were a great addition. The only down side was the bar closed 22:30, but this just forced you to head out to the many Salsa clubs, like Tin Tin Deo a must on a Thursday Evening.

The area of San Antonio was really pretty, with a great selection of restaurants and cafes. Corrine a particular favourite for freshly baked bagels and coffee for breakfast, Cafe Mocando for some delicious ice cream feasts, La 4ta Pared Cafe for a cheap evening meal.

     Like many Colombian cities, there are the usual museums and church’s to see. Cali had lots of street art and murals painted on the side buildings that gave it a more youthful influence. Also there was a great indoor market ‘Plaza de Mercado Alameda’, worth a visit to try out the many varieties of fresh fruit and many street sellers selling ceviche.

     The time has come to make my final bus journey 12 hours South to Ipiales, the closest town to make the final journey across the border to Ecuador. We were advised to book through transipiales, as they were the best operator on this route.

So glad we did, the bus was a double decker, we had seats at the front of the top deck, and the seats were super comfy and was my cheapest long distance bus journey at 45,000cop £11.

We arrived at Ipiales at 9am and were shocked by the sudden drop in temperature, from the warm sun of Cali, here I had to search for my warm coat for the first time. Ten minutes from Ipiales is the ‘Santuario De Las Lajas’, a beautiful basilica church that looks like Rivendell from lord of the rings is worth visiting.

     One thing you notice this far South is how close you are to the border of Ecuador, as the local people change. They have become shorter, rounder and more brightly dressed. Can I say that!!! Oh well I have…

     Colombia you have been more than I could have imagined, and I am sad to be leaving. I look forward to my many more future visits to your fabulous country and I hope my experience will encourage more to visit.

  ¡Hasta luego! Colombia.. Santa Marta to Cali The Dreamer Hostel turned out to be quite a party hostel, with daily games for travellers to play and get drunk.