#idk how to tag anymore honestly

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

when I want to write something self indulgent to give me all the angsty and cuddly hurt/comfort feels but I can't because I end up feeling guilty because I'm seeking after feels that I feel in an inappropriate place because my mom told me one time when I was 15 that I shouldn't search that out or it's probably sexual sin but it confuses me because ALL the feels happen that way for me even if it's entirely platonic and nonsexual and so I don't know if it's okay to want to write to that because apparently all pleasure of any sort, even over platonic stories, is sexual or comes with a possibly probably sexual feeling and I also am having a hard time figuring out what's genuine conviction from God and what's just my anxiety/OCD/perfectionism/fear of failure

[tovalhallaandback]

A Game of Revenge and Loyalty

Pairing: Stiorra Uhtredsdottir/Sigtryggr Ivarson

Summary: The career academy may have taught them how to win the Hunger Games, but nothing of how to win the game of love. A forbidden love becomes more complicated as they quickly learn, the Hunger Games were not the only thing they signed up for when they decided to volunteer.

AKA - It's a Hunger Games AU! Mentor/Mentee vibes. Career vibes. - But not in the way you might imagine! TONS of angst but a promised happy-ish ending.

Trigger Warnings: DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT!!! HG Canon typical violence and atrocites. TLK Canon typical violence and atrocities. Better tags on AO3, with each chapter having a content warning drop down for those who do not wish to be spoiled.

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Read the first three chapters on AO3, or try the first chapter in full below the cut:

Falling in love with Sigtryggr Ivarson might just be the biggest she has ever made, but there’s no space to think about that right now - not when she’s leaning into the crook of his shoulder, not on a night like tonight. 

All around her, the voices of her classmates from the Career Academy rhythmically shouting “Speech!” echo off the surrounding boulders as they gather in celebration of District Two’s next champions. She and her boyfriend stand closest to the high rock wall where a few wooden pallets form a makeshift stage. A wall of red stone wraps around them like an amphitheater, opening up into a landscape of sand, cacti, and boulders of assorted sizes. With his arm already wrapped around her waist, he pulls her closer to his body, their gazes never breaking as chocolate brown eyes meet ice blue. Her smile widens, dimples deepening as he leans down, placing a soft kiss on her forehead before turning to the crowd.

“You want a speech?” His gaze scans over the crowd, a glint of mischief awakening in his eyes as the surrounding rocks amplify his voice. The laughter of the gathered crowd bounces off the walls, a unified “Yes” quickly following. As they begin to shove him towards the pallets, his grip tightens on her, pulling her along with him onto the stage as the whole quarry vibrates around them from the music and cheers. 

Since the first graduates of the Career Academy came of age to volunteer, it has become tradition to send off the next tributes with one last party. While District Two often produces a victor, there could only ever be one who returns. But even as their champions celebrate their last nights, sorrow never tinges the atmosphere (at least, no one lets their sorrow be known). They are proud, honored even, to be offering this sacrifice to the Capitol (at least, that’s what they tell themselves). And so, they feast and drink to their hearts’ desires, giving the next tributes one last night of memories. And tonight, the party is for her boyfriend - District Two’s next male tribute. 

Sigtryggr clears his throat, silence suddenly falling around them. A coy smile plays on his lips as she brushes her hand over his chest, her doe eyes peering up at him. “Tomorrow, Skade and I will volunteer with a promise to bring District Two back to its glory.” Two hasn’t had a Victor since his older brother, Ivar, won seven years earlier, while One, a fellow Career District and their rival, has had three more since his brother's victory. “No longer will we allow our power to be doubted. When we fight, we fight for all of you and show no mercy. But tonight…” His eyes meet hers once more as he offers her a small wink, “Tonight, we drink.” She suppresses the urge to giggle at his antics - he has always had a way with words. Then with a raise of a beer to the crowd, he finishes his speech, “May the odds be ever in our favor!” 

As the crowd erupts into cheers once more, he leans down capturing her lips with his own earning a few whistles amongst the applause and jubilation. A smile etches itself across her lips as he deepens the kiss, dipping her backwards until her long deep brown hair grazes the ground, briefly catching him throw a vulgar gesture towards the whistlers - Wolland, his brothers, and a few other snickering classmates of his. But, she hardly hears their jokes or even the rumbles of the crowd. Because for a brief moment, she finds herself forgetting their location and the reasons for this party. 

But as quickly as the moment has started, it disappears, suddenly tugged back up and released, the chants of his name intensifying. She gnaws on her lower lip, fiddling with the label on her beer as she watches him burst into his infamous battle cry. Reaching into the crowd, he yanks Skade up onto the pallets with them, then the two tributes raise their clasped hands victoriously into the air as the cheers become the primary resounding noise in the abandoned quarry once more.

As District Two’s newly crowned champions bask in their glory, Stiorra slips off the stage wandering towards one of the quieter corners of the humming party. Taking a moment to sip her drink, a smile finds itself on her lips again as she gazes at him from a far - blue eyes aflame with hunger and excitement. 

A year an half ago almost to the day, she complained to her brother about the stagnation in her melee skills. Daggers, throwing knives, and bows continued to be pushed upon her by the trainers, but in the small chance that none of those weapons became available in the arena, she decided that she needed to master all potential weaponry if she wanted to win. Upon hearing her doubts, her brother suggested she ask Sigtryggr for help.

Sure, she had always had a crush on her brother’s classmate, practically since her brother’s first day at the Academy. And, Sigtryggr had seemed nice enough - always polite in their brief exchanges, intervening when Skade went after her older brother…He had also always been a great fighter, ranking number one in his class since his first year. But, she didn’t need a tutor; she just needed extra practice. Of course, her brother, trying to be the helpful kind older brother that he is, did not see it that way, nor did he seem to get her message (she very clearly growled at him for even suggesting she ask Sigtryggr for help), so next thing she knew, Sigtryggr was asking her to train with him. 

For weeks, she fought the feelings that built inside of her. She denied that her temperament changed when he was around - denied that it killed her when the trainers forced them into individual studies. Told herself that the butterflies in her stomach were just from a questionable meal. But that all changed the day he pinned her to the ground after she refused to yield, even after losing her sword. 

His ash-brown hair, almost chestnut brown under the winter sun, created a curtain around them, providing an illusion of privacy. For a moment, it was just the two of them as his ice blue eyes blinked back at hers. Before she could even try to wiggle free from his control, his lips were on hers sending shockwaves throughout her entire body. “I win,” he had whispered by her ear before releasing her from his weight and helping her to stand. 

They both were punished for the incident, sent to their dorm rooms without food for the next twenty-four hours. Though, the kiss he gave her the next day when he yanked her into one of the darker corridors outside of the main training gym confirmed everything she had been trying so hard to deny. And after that day, she could not go a single day without seeing him. Too bad, she is about to lose him. 

Despite the dark shadow that looms over his number one class ranking, she remains the proud girlfriend. Or at least, she tries to for him. For every time she showed even a drop of sadness for his future fate, he would dial back his intensity at the Academy, taking blows during matches that he typically would have seen coming, allowing for the opportunity for someone to displace him. But his blue eyes always remained stormy, instead of like the sky on a clear day, even with his insistence that he didn’t care whether or not he ranked first in his class and gender. She couldn’t blame him though - it is in his blood. His grandfather, uncles, and two elder brothers had not only volunteered, but had won. Plus, it didn’t help that it would likely be his best friend, Wolland, taking his spot. So, she does what any good girlfriend would do - puts on a brave face and pretends to be excited for him. But with reaping day less than twenty-four hours away, the act grows harder to maintain with each tick of the clock. 

Eighteen months. Only eighteen months of stolen glances across the training gymnasium, lingering kisses in janitorial closets, scaling across ledges to dormitory windows…

They didnt have to hide it, not technically - more of a precautionary choice if anything. But, Academy leadership did find ways to discourage it - mostly by identifying it as a weakness to be culled. In the eyes of leadership, loving someone meant caring about his or her survival more than one’s own, an Achille’s heel in the Games. And to District Two, death will always mean dishonor. Dishonor to the district, but worst of all, dishonor to the families of the tributes who promised their people glory and wealth. Plus, there is the issue of her father who might just have a heart attack then and there if he finds out his little girl might not be a little girl anymore, especially once he finds out she’s dating a boy two years her senior.

But, love is a fickle thing that is not easily ignored. So in the end, their primal need to love and to be loved won, even with all the programming from the Academy. And instead of trying to shove it behind a locked door, they made the decision to be together, even if it meant keeping it a secret. 

Only eighteen months, and so very close to making it. And now, eighteen months quickly slips through her fingers, faster than sand in an hourglass, every effort made suddenly feeling meaningless. Leadership is right - she should have never let herself fall in love. Not with him, at least. Not with the Academy all star.. 

But, she told herself she wouldn’t dwell on that notion tonight. Taking a large inhale of the warm dry air, Stiorra stares up to the sky where the stars are starting to reach their brightest, imprinting the memory of him - joyful and spirited and wild - into her brain one last time. 

Life at the Academy is hard, and would only continue to become harder without his presence there to distract her. Constantly pit against each other, their rankings become their entire personality, dominating everything from their social status to their dorm room. If they are anything but a perfect machine, then they might as well end their life then and there. As a result, graduating classes never top more than twenty graduates despite the hundreds of children the District has to offer as tribute to the Games. And so, they all find themselves relishing in these moments when they could just be teenagers rather than robotic killing machines. Teenagers who deep down are just as afraid of dying as the other Districts. And yet, relishing in the moment is the exact opposite of what she wants to be doing tonight. 

“And here I thought you’d be front and center this evening.” 

She gazes over towards the source of the sound, her older brother’s voice rousing her from her peace. While her lips still brim with a smile, her eyes speak differently as they cast downwards towards the ground. By the elation clear across his features, she figures he has simply come to jest with her about the party, a habit they formed when they were young children attending Capitol parties with their parents. But, tonight of all nights - she cannot bring herself to join him in his delight. 

Her voice is barely a whisper as she makes her confession to one of the few people that can see through her mask and to the only person who might understand her trepidation, “What if he doesn’t come back?”

Young Uhtred places a gentle hand on his sister’s shoulder as he speaks, “I have known Sigtryggr since we were eight years old. And since the first day we entered the Academy, he has ranked first in our class. If his superior melee skills do not win, it will be his brain. He’s outsmarted previous victors and trainers countless times.” 

The small squeeze of his hand on her shoulder paired with his words is sweet, but it doesn’t help much. With a drop of his arm, he joins her against the boulder, taking a swig of his beer. Filling her lungs with the dry air again, she straightens her posture, trying to initiate a shift in her demeanor as the feelings of dread and worry continue to fester inside of her, haunting every thought. The darkness once overtaking her eyes fades into a small twinkle as she attempts to pester her older brother hoping a change in subject helps, “Father still giving you the silent treatment after your little display in front of Edward at graduation?”

At graduation, each graduate announces their post-graduation plans - volunteering, joining the Peacekeeper Academy, joining the Weapon Manufacturing Division, or joining the Quarry. Seeing as only two can volunteer, the rest typically make the decision to join the Peacekeeper Academy while one or two decide to join the Weapon Manufacturing Division. But, no one ever chooses to work in the Quarry. Not until her brother.

Young Uhtred rolls his eyes, a small chuckle escaping his lips. “I think we would see an end to these Games before Father ever speaks to me again." She swallows as she watches the agony transfer from her eyes to his, achieving exactly the opposite of what she intended. 

With their father serving as President Edward’s Minister of Defense, everyone expected her older brother to proudly declare his intent to enroll in the Peacekeeper Academy. As children of a Capitol representative, it is their duty to model loyalty to Edward and the Capitol, but Young Uhtred might as well have spit in the young President’s face by joining the Quarry instead of his Majesty’s precious army. At least, that’s how their father seemed to see the action. 

But, Young Uhtred had not made the choice to be defiant or radical. Not only does her older brother always avert his eyes whenever the next tribute death proves imminent, he also ranked dead last in his class - two facts their father has seemed to overlook entirely. He’s just not meant for the life of a Peacekeeper or to manufacture weapons of mass destruction. In fact, it remains a miracle that the Academy even let him graduate with the remainder of his class earlier in the week. It’s just not who he is, nor who he ever will be. 

Seeking the return of his light, she nudges at his shoulder with her own. “You’ll be the best Quarry worker that District Two has ever seen!” She matches his expression as the smile that had been briefly lost begins to return to her brother’s face. “Besides, I already told Father that if he doesn’t start speaking to you by the beginning of the Games, that I’ll drop out of the academy and join you.” 

Young Uhtred nearly chokes on his mouthful of beer, snorting at her declaration,“At least he will still have Osbert. That kid terrifies me.”

“I think Osbert will be the first to win the Games in a day,” she says with shutter. Having only been enrolled in the Career Academy for two years, Osbert has already made a name for himself due to his tendency to leave training dummies unrecognizable when practicing his melee skills. And, it definitely doesn’t help that he names them after his classmates. So once he inevitably volunteers in eight years, she’s certain her position as favorite child will be challenged. 

“Nope, not even a day. One hour,” Young Uhtred quips, causing the image of her ten-year-old brother, coated in the blood of twenty-three bodies to overtake her imagination. Luckily the sigh her brother takes as he steps away from the boulder frees her, “I’m empty. Do you want anything else?” Stiorra shakes her head. He lingers for another moment, cocking an eyebrow at her, “Do you need anything else?” She shakes her head again.

Her gaze travels past her brother into the distance where she spots Sigtryggr in the middle of an unassisted keg stand. Eyes rake over his half-naked body trying to commit the look of his flexed muscles to memory. Still lingering, Young Uhtred turns, following her gaze to the blue-eyed young man falling into the arms of his brothers. “That is going to be one killer hangover,” he says. 

When he looks back at her, she rolls her eyes with a giggle then nods her head in the direction of one of the bar tables sending him on his way. Finishing her beer with one final chug, she keeps her focus locked on his mess of dirty blonde hair as her older brother moves further and further into the crowd until disappearing completely. 

Alone again, she fidgets with the label on her bottle, prodding at it with nimble fingers until it comes off cleanly. As she smiles at the perfection of her work, she feels the tears begin to come. A frustrated sigh escapes her lips causing her to viciously tear the small label into pieces in hopes of quelling the emotion. When that does nothing, her hand grips the bottle until her knuckles turn white. She then turns herself towards the scattered sets of rocks and desert behind her. Wielding her arm back as far as her flexibility will allow, she hurls it forward sending the bottle into the night sky where it disappears. The accompanying crackle of glass in the distance acts as her only indication that it has landed. When even that action does not free her, she digs her nails into her palms and inhales deeply trying to regulate her racing heartbeat as her blood pumps loudly in her ears and her chest heaves over and over again. Her teeth dig deep into her lip as she suppresses both the scream and tears that beg release. 

Eighteen months. They only had eighteen months together. She wants more. She needs more. Every year. Every day. Every second. Even if he’s the most skilled tribute that District Two has ever laid eyes upon, there are always ringers from other Districts. Hell, even District Twelve got its first victor eight years ago. Besides, it has never been the other tributes that arouse fear inside of her. She has seen the best of tributes be taken down by the Capitol’s muttations, and even worse - starvation and illness. At the end of the day, it is a game of a chance not skill. 

Her hands begin to shake as a sob tries to break free, her true emotions slamming at the walls of their prison like a dam ready to burst. Just as she prepares herself for the breech, she hears small rocks tumble behind her. She welcomes the distraction, using it to quell the wild fire raging inside of her. 

“Sorry I’ll be pushing a dagger through his heart in a week’s time,” the sound of the small blonde’s voice dripping with acid has Stiorra retracting her earlier sentiment - she would much rather face her pent up emotions than deal with her intruder. Skade has always had a way of leeching herself beneath the girl from Two’s skin. With a roll of her eyes, Stiorra turns to face Skade, finding her perched on top of a large boulder picking at her nail beds, looking up only to offer the raven-haired girl a wicked smile, teeth gleaming in the moon light.

This year’s female volunteer’s smug grin sends waves of heat through Stiorra, igniting the embers beneath her skin. As flames consume her, Stiorra digs her nails into the heels of her palm, teeth clenching together viciously as she inhales slowly, holding the breath for three counts, then releasing it.

More level-headed now, Stiorra manages to snicker back, “I bet he kills you before you even reach the cornucopia.”

Once upon a time, she had considered Skade a close friend, seeing as they basically grew up together with Skade’s father a Sergeant Major in the Peacekeepers. But by the time they were twelve and fourteen, close friends became enemies - first because of the rigorous nature of the Academy and second because of boys. In fact, the small blonde had been the first to insult the brunette when news spread that she was dating Sigtryggr. 

Skade’s nostrils flare, eyes like the ocean freezing over. Hopping off the boulder, the snake closes the distance between the two of them in three quick strides. Breath hot on Stiorra’s ear, she whispers viciously, “Maybe I’ll do it in his sleep while his arms are wrapped around me. Those nights sure do get cold and lonely.” 

The villainous smile plastered on Skade’s face quickly turns into a scowl as Stiorra erupts into laughter, used to the snake’s attempts to invalidate her relationship. She began dating Sigtryggr when she was fourteen and half, the half having been quite important to her at the time. When rumors spread about the two of them, so did the vitriol with Skade leading from helm of the I-Hate-Stiorra ship. Almost everyone thought the Minister of Defenses’s daughter was too immature for the sixteen-year-old Sigtryggr, so she claimed the half year as if it made a significant difference. 

'He’ll leave you once the games begin’ is their favorite. ‘He’s only with you for your father’s status' is hers. But even before she had started dating Sigtryggr, her classmates have tried to use her father’s status to discredit her - a feat also lead by Skade. Little did they know, Edward would sacrifice her entire family without hesitation if it meant maintaining his power.

Eventually, she learned how to wield more than just a few months added to her age against them. A small smile creeps over her lips at the memory of threatening some of their classmates when she had enough of their vitriol. Liv and Dagny had gone pale as a sheet when she taunted them with the threat of poisoning - so easy to slip a couple of drops from the deadliest berry in the country into their morning juice. Both girls avoided all beverages - juice, coffee, tea, even water - for the next few weeks. Then, there was Skade and her posse - much harder to terrorize, but still eventually received the message…once Stiorra threatened to tell everyone about how Skade wet the bed till she was seven, of course.

Skade inevitably changed her tactic - deciding to openly pursue Sigtryggr. One time last year, Sigtryggr received a chest wound during a sparring match. As it was minor, the trainers decided to take the opportunity to turn it into a lesson, showcasing how allies could be of use. Skade waltzed up in front of the entire upperclassmen, volunteering before even asked. Reaching for the gauze, eyes glinting with amusement, she stared Stiorra down as her hands roamed over Sigtryggr’s chest, drawling, “My, my someone hasn’t been missing upper body day.” Then taking one finger, the small blonde dragged it underneath the narrow five inch slash across his upper peck, wiping away the blood that had begun to trickle out, completely ignoring how Siggtryggr’s muscles stiffened and eyes fell shut underneath her touch. 

When his eyes reopened moments later, a deep onyx eclipsed the sunny blue as he turned towards the trainers, “Isn’t it better if I do this myself? This won’t be the injury that kills me nor does it require assistance to bandage.” Giggling in triumph as the trainers insisted she continue, Skade took her blood-coated finger into her mouth then licked it clean before finishing the task.

He didn’t let Skade get away with it though -  tutting every time she reached for the wrong item, ridiculing her technique, dissecting every choice till the snake was a bright-red fumbling mess. Their classmates chagrin became uncontrollable, laughter bouncing endlessly off the walls, only growing louder as the trainers tried to help the small blonde. But the icing on the cake? Immediately following the demonstration, her boyfriend threw his ruined training shirt at Stiorra with a wink while all the other girls fawned over him. Making his point clear, he would always choose the Minister of Defense’s daughter. 

“How many times has he chosen me over you? What was the tally again?” Stiorra snipes back. 

Skades spits her next words like venom, “I’ll be sure to bring you back a lock of his hair when he lets his love for you blind him. Maybe I’ll get lucky and your daddy will ask Adhelm to send a particularly vicious muttation designed just for him.” 

Flames explode into an inferno as the brunette shoves the blonde with all her strength. Laughter escapes Skade’s throat when she staggers back a few steps, “Is that all you got? I can’t wait to see you die within the first ten minutes in two years.” 

The small blonde stalks back towards Stiorra, the malevolence in her gaze taunting. Curling her hand into a fist, the raven-haired girl launches her attack, but a stronger hand catches her wrist stopping it midair. 

“Fuck off, Skade. Don’t you have some blood ritual to preform to ensure your victory?” Wolland barks. With a snicker, Skade makes her retreat as Wolland slowly releases Stiorra’s wrist from his grip. He sighs as his voices lowers, replacing the malice with tenderness, “Why do you let her get to you?” 

But instead of answering, Stiorra shoves past him, the table littered with bottles containing an assortment of different colored liquids her target. As she reaches her destination, she grabs the closest open bottle of clear liquid. Her nose wrinkles as the fumes sting her orifices. Squeezing her eyes closed, she brings the opening of the bottle to her mouth, leans back and then chugs.  Slamming it back onto the table, she wipes her mouth with the back of her hand disregarding the burning sensation that radiates from her throat as Wolland marches towards her.

Practically tasting the displeasure and sarcasm on his tongue, he says, “Ah yes, the perfect solution. Shall I offer you some nightlock instead next time?” 

Stiorra’s gaze incinerates the back of the small blonde’s head, watching closely as she pushes her way back to the front, wishing she could slip some of the juice from the small dark deadly berry in reference into the snake’s morning tea. Hands curling into fists at her side, she says “She’s going to find a way to cheat, Wolland. I know it.” 

“You know the Gamemakers are too smart to allow that to happen,” he says gently, arms crossing over his chest accentuating the muscles of his biceps. If it isn’t Sigtryggr trying to reason with her, it’s his best friend. But, the sorrow in Wolland’s eyes speaks the truth - it’s not the Aldhelm and his fellow Gamemakers who are in control.

“They want a show, Wolland. Besides, all Skade has to do is tell her father that Sigtryggr’s family are conspiring rebels. Next thing we know, his own personal muttation is in the arena.” 

Licking his lips, the silence grows heavy between them until he quietly mutters, “I’ll take care of it.” 

Stiorra’s gaze softens - she hadn’t meant to drag him into this, not after all the punishments he’d endured with Sigtryggr to help keep their relationship secret. He’d done so much for them over the past year and half already, that it felt unfair for him to rescue them yet again. 

“Oh, don’t give me that look. You think I want to see him die either? For all I care, the bitch can rot in hell. You two aren’t her only victims,” he says with a roll of his eyes. 

“Thanks Wolland,” she whispers. Sure, she hadn’t intended for him to get involved, but he is right - this is bigger than her relationship with this year’s male volunteer. As the flames begin to retreat back into embers, she leans into the table, changing the subject, “When do you enter the Peacekeeper Academy?” 

“The day after tomorrow,” he says with a frown.

“Does Hella know?” Stiorra’s voice is soft as she gently probes at the subject. As Stiorra’s best friend, Hella has also gotten looped into preserving the secrecy of her relationship. As a result, Wolland and Hella grew equally close to one another, even sparking their own dating rumors up until recently, when Wolland suddenly found every reason to avoid the girl.

Casting his gaze downwards, Wolland begins to shift his feet, “No.”

“Wolland, you have too. You can’t just leave her.”, she pleads. 

Smoke clouds of sand erupt at their feet as he kicks at rocks, “I don’t know how, Stiorra.”

Joining the Peacekeeper Academy hadn’t been the first on Wolland’s list, not after he met Hella at least. He had told her and Sigtryggr that he planned to surprise the blonde after graduation with the news that he would be joining the Weapons Division. But three weeks before graduation around when Wolland started avoiding Hella, Stiorra’s father suddenly asked her about her boyfriend’s best friend, intrigued by his Academy stats. Confronting the tall burly young man, she learned the heartbreaking truth - the Weapons Division was no longer an option for him. Sworn to secrecy, it absolutely gutted the brunette to have to watch her friends suffer. But maybe if she couldn’t have her happy ending with Sigtryggr, maybe her best friend could.

“Tell her tonight. Have one last night with her. All you have to do is tell her the truth. She thinks you don’t feel the same way anymore. And, maybe I can persuade my father to let you be stationed here.” He raises his eyebrows, staring her down. “Okay, maybe I can’t do that but she’ll understand, especially if you tell her about needing the money for your mom’s treatments.” 

Wolland sighs as he brushes a hand over his face, “Fine. I’ll do it.” But then, he looks back up at her, eyes blazing as a finger digs into her chest, “But, you need to tell him that you love him.” 

Stiorra fights the urge to roll her eyes - of course Wolland knows that she and Sigtryggr still hadn’t exchanged those words, despite how evident their feelings for each other seemed to be. But that was the point - they didn’t need to say the words.  Even with all the attempts to discredit their relationships over the years, she has never doubted Sigtryggr’s love for her. Time and time again, he proves it. He is the one who wants to tell her father about their relationship. He, who saw no harm in them being open about it tonight - he’s a graduate now, after all. Better yet he continues to talk of their future even though he plans to volunteer for the 68th Hunger Games tomorrow. 

And, she loves him too - more than anything else on this planet, so much so that even just the thought of losing him is enough to make her palms clammy, head dizzy. But saying the actual words… Measly words wouldn’t suddenly change their pre-existing feelings nor would it change their fate. 

So she opens her mouth to protest her boyfriend’s best friend’s request, while he holds up his flattened palm signaling her silence, “He needs to hear the words before he leaves.”

But, there’s no point in arguing with that this time, because he’s right - this might be her last chance and when he inevitably dies - at least he knows with certainty that she loves him. So with a groan, she grasps his hand solidifying their deal.

Just as their hands release, Stiorra feels two new ones suddenly slip around her waist, pulling her close. A tender kiss presses into her temple, then a chin rests on her shoulder, carrying the scent of honey swirled with mint, instantly making her smile. “I heard you tried to punch Skade,” he says. 

“And, I heard you tried to beat Ivar’s record,” she teases, referencing her boyfriend’s elder brother’s infamous forty-second keg stand record from the night before his reaping almost ten years ago. 

A soft laugh tingles her ear, “First, I beat said record by an entire thirty seconds. Second,” - he tickles at her waist coaxing laughter out from deep in her belly as she turns in his arms,  releasing her from his torture once they are eye to eye - “I beat it last year. My little charade with the keg tonight was to get out of talking to Skade and her friends.” 

Wolland leaves with a roll of his eyes, muttering something under his breath, probably a mocking insult. On most days, she’d throw one right back at him with a teasing glint in her eyes, but the scent of alcohol crashes over her, dulling the honey-mint as it pulls her attention back to her boyfriend. Eyebrows knitting together, she tries to recall if she’s ever seen her boyfriend this inebriated. Before she can find her answer, Sigtryggr leans forward, putting most of his weight onto her causing them to stumble a few steps back as teeth crash together, then catch her lower lip. Clumsy kisses becoming sloppier with each attempt as he pulls her closer, laughter rumbling low in his chest. 

“Someone’s a little drunk,” she murmurs as he finally settles for gentle kisses on her nose, cheeks, and forehead. Her hands explore the smooth muscles of his chest, rising slowly until they entwine themselves behind his neck as she makes a mental note to thank whoever rid him of his shirt. Tilting her chin upwards a notch, molten chocolate eyes meet eyes like dancing blue flames. 

With a flick of his tongue over his smug grin, his mouth drifts towards her ear, warm breath tickling her and dripping with a velvety coyness as he says lowly, “I may be responsible for this party suddenly becoming dry.” Stiorra lightly swats at the top of his left shoulder - or at least tries, the edge of her hand catching the edge of his shoulder. A small giggle flutters from her lips, as a warm buzz begins to overtake her senses - the aftermath of chugging white liquor finally catching up with her. “Happy Hunger Games, my love.” 

Her hand misses his face entirely as she goes to brush the hair out of his face, still giggling as she asks, “Was getting this drunk Rognvaldr’s idea?” 

“I could ask you the same question, my love.” She pouts at his non-answer, causing him to run his thumb over her lips.  “It was actually Guthfrith’s idea.” Of course, it was his eldest’s brothers idea - his younger brother, Rognvaldr, may be the drunk but Guthfrith has always been the instigator, at least that’s what Sigtryggr always made it seem like. Really, she only knows Rognvaldr as they are in the same year at the Academy. But, she has exchanged a few words with Guthfrith when he’s visited the Academy with other Victors, and as for Ivar - he keeps to himself these days, hardly ever talks with his family anymore. “Something about carpe diem,” Sigtryggr finishes.

With a small nod, she tugs her bottom lip between her teeth as she gestures with her eyes to his bare chest, “I see. And the shirt?”

“Rogvaldr. Thinks he can sell it at the market for a high price.” 

She resists rolling her eyes, imaging his younger brother at one of the weekend market stalls, spinning tales about the t-shirt. Though, she has to give the imbecile credit - if Sigtryggr wins, he’ll probably get a hefty price for it. Her heart constricts again at the thought of losing her boyfriend, killing the playful mood instantly. Woefully, she strokes a few pieces of his shoulder-length ash-blonde hair, streaked with red from the summer sun, away from his eyes successfully, then breathily whispers, “Don’t let them cut it.” Next to his eyes and smile, it’s one of his best features - wild and untamed just like him. 

As her hand recoils, he grabs it, bringing it to his lips to place a gentle kiss upon her palm before placing it back over his heart. “I’ll start the next rebellion if they do,” he teases. At least, one of them has not yet lost their joy. But, he wants to volunteer, just like she wants to in two years…maybe…she isn’t quite sure anymore since meeting him…But, it’s one of the first things they had in common - a ferocious hunger to be the best the Academy had ever seen. So, she tries to find the spark of joy buried deep inside of her again, hoping the fog of the alcohol helps. 

Pressing herself up onto her tip toes, slightly swaying, her lips reach for his. Only millimeters a part, a roar of an engine tears them apart. A white vehicle rolls to a sudden stop, five Peacekeepers quickly exiting it. Forming a line, their guns take aim at the crowd. 

“Return to your houses immediately,” the middle one roars - sounding eerily like Haesten, the Head Peacekeeper of District 2. He’s typically pretty easy going, letting most law violations slip by unnoticed - unless of course, Edward or other Captiol advisors are around. So if he’s actually doing his job for once, it must mean Aethelflaed, their District's escort and older sister of Edward, must have arrived earlier than expected. 

Without a moment of hesitation, the crowd disperses, stampeding past the line held by the Peacekeepers. Sigtryggr tugs Stiorra behind him as they begin to join the crowd in fleet. They run for several minutes at full speed, stumbling occasionally with the alcohol still fresh in their system. Only slowing down once they reach the stone white buildings of downtown. Coming to a full stop with his hand still firmly gripping hers, he peaks around a corner. Her blood hums in her ears, adrenaline mixing with the alcohol in a way that lights her blood on fire. Coast clear, he keeps them moving until they come upon an alleyway. 

Abandoned metal scraps, wooden palettes, shattered pottery pieces, and other random misplaced objects lay scatted across the backstreet like a mine field. Creeping around the debris, he releases her hand suddenly, then jumps a top of a nearby dumpster. Then, he jumps again, grabbing the bottom rung of a latter that clatters down after a few tugs. Dusting his hands off of each other, he gestures towards the old rusty fire escape. With a smirk, she glides over to it, beginning their quiet ascent of the eight story building. 

A smile lightens her face when they reach the edge of the rooftop, coming upon her favorite spot, now their favorite spot. In a monotone world of white and grey stone, hidden treasures like the rooftop garden are a rarity. Her mother created the oasis when her parents first moved to District Two back when her father was still a low-ranking Peacekeeper.  But after catching the eye of the former President Alfred, her father, Uhtred, was quickly promoted prompting their move to the wealthiest area of the District. Knowing the garden meant something to his wife, Uhtred bought the building with his new wealth to ensure it could never be destroyed. But after the death of her mother, Gisela, he abandoned the building, evicted its tenants then left it to rot. It remained this way until the last year when she worked with her older brother to restore it to its former glory. 

Landing on the gravel, she closes her eyes, letting the sweet heavenly scent of the garden invade her senses, beginning to clear the fog of alcohol from her system. Wooden paths lead to a larger circular patio at the center of the rooftop. Vases and beds of pink roses in full bloom line the pathway with small fairy lights stringing along the posts. As Stiorra walks slowly towards the center, the lights suddenly flicker on. Waiting with her hand out stretched, Sigtryggr strides back towards her from the voltage box near the fire escape then grasps it firmly. Her head lolls to the side, leaning into his shoulder as they walk towards the center only for the sight ahead of her to make her pause. In place of the intrinsically patterned black iron table and chair set, there is a small makeshift tent instead. 

When they agreed to come here after tonight’s party, she pictured only sharing a brief private moment, one last night private goodbye in peace - then they’d separate till the morning, sleeping in their own beds. But, it seems he had his own plans for the evening. 

Turning towards him with a glint in her eye, she says, “You know. I’ve seen archives from the old world in my father’s office telling horrific stories of these scenarios - ‘Handsome young man lures naive young woman to her death’.” 

A small chuckle reverberates from his chest as he slowly runs a hand over her hair, a smile forming over his lips, “Really? I thought the headline read ‘Handsome young man gets knife to chest after luring young woman to death’”. 

Blue eyes enchant her, knees weakening beneath her as his thumb brushes over her cheek then tugs her upward by her chin. Lips meet in the middle, hands skating across his chest to tangle into his hair. Calloused hands slip under her crimson t-shirt as they graze the smooth skin of her stomach, sending shivers down her spine, pooling heat in her belly. A small gasp grants him the opportunity to tease her bottom lip with his tongue, then a low growl escapes his throat as his hands find the hem of her shirt. Slowly, he pulls the material upwards, kisses trailing from her mouth to her jaw, and finally to her neck. 

Parting only briefly to toss the shirt to the side, their lips find each other again as he effortlessly pulls her into his arms. Hands cup his face as he approaches the tent, then… she’s lost to the moment, barely able to hear the rumble of patrolling Peacekeeper vehicles as the night starts to feel less like a goodbye, and more like a new beginning…

Falling in love with Sigtryggr Ivarson may have been the biggest mistake she has ever made…. But as their bodies say all the words they can’t, she reckons - it also may have been the best decision she’s ever made. 

TAG LIST: @ladyaldhelm @holy3cake @arcielee @kingslionheart @whitedarkmoonflower // If you are tagged it is because you demonstrated interest (?) But happy to remove for future chapter postings! Also zero pressure to read <3

[brighan]

If you're joining the "I'm going to delete all my posts from Twitter" movement, I have found an effective (and free) way to purge your Twitter posts if you have your data file (you can request it on Twitter's site itself). It works with a script and you don't need any previous coding knowledge.

This method seems safe (always use scripts at your own risk) and is effectively deleting all my stuff from my account (which I will keep private to avoid anyone else from taking my username), so there's that.

[genesisvirus]

What's the twiddlefinger mod?

oh man. time to look like a nerd (i'm also clueless af this is just what hyperfixating on this mod for two days does to you)

twiddlefinger is a fnf mod. i'm sure we all know what fnf is atp.. we're gonna ignore that tho. i'd probably recommend looking at this video first (link leads to youtube video), mostly cuz i think jumping into it without knowing wtf is going on adds to the humor of it all. i'm gonna explain more about the mod events surrounding it that i could uncover cuz tbh the absurdity of some of this stuff just NEEDS to be mentioned. so you can watch the video before or after the ramble tbh

okay so if you're like me you went wtf is this mod and why does the song kinda slap tho.. so here's the basics that i've found while trying to find info, as someone that lives under a rock

-the characters and everything are based on a youtube channel called max design pro, which is known for using the uhm.. gegagedigedagedago chicken nugget meme??? in their videos.. basically a content farm channel generating likes by making kids think their lives can help the characters in the videos. that's where the help = like mechanic in the mod came from

-the main character, max, is a monkey. i'm apparently one of few people that could tell immediately? i think i'm insane

-okay so this one's a doozy. this is part of a trend in fnf mods going on now where people make one-off mods based on typically children horror content with lyrical parts in the middle of the songs, and where the devs are hidden in anonymity. this was apparently started by endless aethos, a fnf mod based on.. supermariologan? analog horror shit?? trust me i'm WAY more clueless about that one. apparently the main dev used a one-off account but the mod got cancelled once people found out they were a controversial dev, so it's kinda becoming a joke now.

-the lore is there is no lore. i can't find it. the devs said they're gonna make a qna but from what i can tell it's not made yet, all i know is the mod is a love story, max was corrupted with SOMETHING.. cuz in the good ending he does revert back to normal once you save him. idk tho. also in the bad ending he accidentally kills nugget. oops..

-the animation in the lyrical part used to be a FAN ANIMATION?? i just gotta show that off cuz i'm like. obsessed with the art. the animation is so good and apparently the devs thought so too cuz they brought the dude in to make the animation in here..

-now for the crazy part. max design pro saw the mod. they first made minor references in a couple of animations but now more elements are showing up. max from this mod shows up in the animations now. the good ending of this mod is legit CANON to the channel it was based on now. they straight up made a fnf mod canon to their content farm channel i am not joking

-and before you ask "wait do they know the mod is lowkey shipping their characters-" they absolutely do. they referenced the ship art in their video. they fucking KNOW GUYS. i don't think y'all know how insane it is for a content farm channel to not only be aware of the content their fans are making but MAKE IT CANON IN THEIR VIDEOS.. LIKE WTF IS GOING ON

and that was my essay on a satirical fnf mod about a monkey wanting to eat a chicken nugget hope to see y'all guys once i draw gay angst again

[supercantaloupe]

okay don giovanni review from last night. under the cut bc it's me. tldr the vocal performances were great, leporello carried the show, one of the most insane productions i've seen thus far but somehow in a new bizarre direction from normal. good snacks.

first of all i don't care how much wine you offer i think it's kind of ridiculous to charge $165 for a base ticket price for a performance that 1. isn't even in a concert hall or theater 2. is a concert performance rather than a staged performance (which was not advertised ahead of time) and 3. was not even a full production because they made the absolutely mind boggling decision to cut 100% of the recitative and replace it with Some Guy sitting on the stage narrating the plot between every 1-3 numbers

i did not pay that much gd bless. the student ticket was way cheaper.

the narration wasn't even good it was weirdly ungenerous to the women (like how do you even make elvira out be a "women, amirite" thing and also vaguely imply anna was into it in a production with zero acting? well they figured something out) and i don't think it even explained well enough what happens between each number to truly give a first time watcher a good idea of what's actually going on. not to mention that it absolutely kills any sense of momentum in the plot and makes the entire show drag like hell, because you have to wait between every single aria for either Some Guy to talk at you for three minutes straight, or wait awkwardly while people onstage walk off and people offstage walk on. it was so painfully clunky

they had a piano up there but since there was no recit it's not like she was accompanying much of anything. in practice what it ended up being used for was 1. the mandolin part for deh vieni (acceptable in the absence of a mandolin player; they were working with a limited chamber ensemble of musicians so i get it) 2. the party music at the end of act i (egregious fault imo because it absolutely kills the vibe of the scene and completely obfuscates the way the music is supposed to be adding to the tension and chaos with its different instrumental groups playing in different meters)

and 3. used to give singers their notes when the vocal line of their arias start on beat 1 measure 1, which they otherwise would have been able to get from the preceding recits (which is imo painfully amateurish for an ostensibly professional production)

all the numbers in act i were there although the narration was so bad i got jumpscared by fin ch'han dal vino because i forgot it was supposed to be there and thought we had skipped over that point in the plot. act ii had some really bizarre additional cuts made, notably they just entirely skipped over meta di voi and vedrai carino. it was like masetto and zerlina fuck off for the entirety of act ii save for, like, mille torbidi (they VERY briefly mentioned masetto getting beat up in the narration and i don't think they mentioned vedrai carino at all, they just skipped straight from deh vieni to sola sola. and also there was a painful awkward pause before deh vieni because i think the pianist forgot she was supposed to play there and the narrator jumped ahead to the next chunk of plot explanation too early). kept both dalla and tesoro (i'm fine with this ottavio was quite good though could've used a bit of ornamentation imo), kept mi tradi, kept non mi dir (more on that in a bit). no per queste which is probably a good thing not only for the show itself but also my head would have absolutely and irreversibly exploded if they had, probably

the whole thing kind of felt underrehearsed. like a quarter of the time it seemed like people didn't know what they were doing or had to be reminded where to be at that point in the show. and there were a few moments throughout where the orchestra struggled to keep up with the singers, but i really don't think they had much time to rehearse together, honestly.

and then, to my utter shock, the finale was actually really good?? like. insane compared to the rest of the show thus far. though it helps that 1. i absolutely love the harmonieband arrangements of cosa rara/i litiganti/non piu andrai, after possibly the draggiest non mi dir i've yet experienced it was like a breath of fresh air to hear that (and non mi dir was actually well performed i liked this anna but considering how much the Entire Show was dragging, the fact that they cut meta di voi and vedrai carino, AND the fact that they promised this act would be short, it felt crazy to me to keep it at that point.)

2. leporello and the don were by far the best performers of the night. so much so that i sought them out during the post show reception to tell them how great they were and enjoyed their performance. which i usually do not do, but in this like, high school recital ass production value. unbelievable relief that the final scene is dominated by the two actors in the show who most remembered that they can, and in fact Should, be acting. so much more movement and physicality and expression from those two compared to most everyone else. leporello especially, his actor apparently specializes in comedic bass roles and it shows, he was the standout all night

and 3. for the first time in the entire production they made an interesting decision regarding the physical space and staging! they had the commendatore sing from up on a balcony overlooking the audience in the foyer. the bar admittedly was set very low in the previous act and a half but the finale reminded me that i actually like this show again which is appreciated

though they then threw another curveball at me by Cutting the sextet at the end. which like didn't even piss me off at that point i was just baffled. like the don sinks down in agony and leporello sinks down whimpering in fear and the orchestra cuts off. and i'm expecting an awkward pause while they quietly get up and shuffle off so the rest of the cast can come back but nope. big orange title slate appears on the big screen behind them and the audience breaks into a roaring applause and the announcement of the wine and dessert reception. felt like i was in a fever dream

i will say the desserts were very nearly almost worth the bullshit that was the preceding show. they were so good. thank you austria for your dedication to pastry. and because i don't drink and couldn't appreciate the free wine offered i had to indulge in my own manner. spread contained chocolate oat bites (tasted as much like espresso powder as chocolate and coated in coconut, 4/10), almond sponge cake (classic, 7/10), cardamom apple bread pudding with caramel cream (not enough cardamom but otherwise very tasty and autumnal, 8.5/10) and honey cake (11/10. i don't know how they made this so good. i want more right now so much). i take both my mozart opera and my desserts very seriously.

anyway overall the production was. i would say frustrating. the singing quality was Really Good (leporello was the clear standout, probably followed by the don though i prefer my dons with a lighter voice but technically he was very good, then probably ottavio, then maybe masetto or anna. the commendatore was great but he's in it so little it's hard to compare)

i just wish they could have, like, actually done a full production. it would have been so great if they had gotten to tell the actual story and had been fully allowed to act. when there Was acting were the best moments of the show, and it's really unsurprising that most of that came from leporello, the absolute legend.

[merry-the-cookie]

remembered and reread my 25k words of rpf fic from two years ago and ykno what i slayed actually

[hauntingblue]

Them doing a photo lineup of the mugis for the battle and when it's Robin's turn she just turns and does a blue eyed stare at the camera 😭😭

Look at her 😭😭

[the-chosen-half-of-one]

I’m normal about this little fictional man (not lying, not telling the truth but a secret third thing)

[prettyboykatsuki]

ari. I would literally sell my SOUL to hear more abt this rin sae idea fkfjdkshsaj what pact with which demon do I need to make for you to tell us more ?!?!?!!!!

cw ; techincally not incest but given the interaction..... im going to count it as incest lol. specifically between the itoshi brothers sorry. otherwise consensual in every, very psychological etc, fem + afab reader, 18+

It's techincally your idea that sparks the events. Or your comment, to Sae, about how sorry you feel for his little brother that winds you up in this sort of predicament.

You do really feel bad for Rin for what it's worth. Your boyfriend, Sae, is not the most emotionally intelligent man in the world. But even beyond that, he has a definite amount of love for his little brother that he doesn't often let himself express anymore. Even after they made amends (and you're using that word loosely), it's always been awkward between them.

Rin is cute. They're close in age but he's so needy and petty that he feels like a little brother. You think Sae knows the extent of it. How often Rin seeks his validation, indirectly or not, trying to appeal to him. Trying to be needed by him or praised. Anything worth his time.

Sae is incapable of actually addressing the elephant in the room. It's hard enough for him to say sorry to you. He's prideful and his ego always gets in his way.

This is happening, mostly, because you feel bad for them both. It's happening because you want Rin to be happy and okay. It's happening because you think he deserves better and Sae should be better at apologizing.

You think you should feel repulsed by the sensation in the room. The air is so thick with tension it makes your lungs feel sticky - like there's webs around them that won't let you breathe.

And your head is rested in Sae's lap. This isn't an unusual feeling. Sae's affection for you is a backdrop in the situation - your head in his lap as he caresses your cheek, sharp eyes dropping down occasionally to check on you. Smiling at how fucked out you are, a teasing lilt like nothings different.

But RIn, is unfamiliar. He's different. Strangely, he's eager. You can feel every inch of him, so deep inside you - you can't think. His expression is strained, brow pinched and cheeks blushed. Little blue eyes softened painfully, with his lashes fluttering.

"Easy, Rin. 's okay. I'm not going anywhere." You say, and Rin looks at you like you've hung the moon. He looks ecstatic. An expression you've never seen.

(Never could've seen, really. It's only there because Sae's there, but that doesn't make you feel sick. It should, shouldn't it?)

And maybe because of you, or because of this situation.

"You're doing well, Rin. She's feeling good."

That's when it hits him. You can see it. Feel it in the way his cock twitches inside of you, that short hiccup that breaks off into a silent sob as Sae says it. Rin feels good. He feels good because of it, and there's something so wrong about how it makes him desperate. Or there should be.

To see such bone deep arousal and comfort in such a simple phrase, that he's been so deprived from for so, so long.

But you feel relief instead, when Rin ruts his hips up inside of you with a wet sob. You feel relief when Sae laughs under his breath, quietly and warmly. When Sae reaches towards Rin, to pat his cheek and touch him so lightly

And Rin looks so gentle and so sweet, you can't help but shiver. He fucks into you again, a thankfulness and affection brimming inside of him that he can't get rid.

"That's it, Rin. There you go." Sae says again, easily. Rin holds your hips, fingers digging into your sides. Sae reaches for your clit. You hear Rin whimper, practically. An honorific long abandoned of affection returning to his vocabulary like so many years before.

An entire relationship history unearthed so easily. "Nii-san." Rin whimpers, just before saying your name. You smile and Sae reaches to run his fingers through Rin's hair.

You know, in some way, that there's something so off about all of it. But deep down, you don't feel that way. You're relieved that they've found each other again. And maybe you're sick too, for being happy to be in the middle. To mediate. No longer an outsider even to this kind of sick affair.

You don't feel disgust when Rin sobs for his big brother. You feel relief when Sae replies. With tenderness he's always held back.

"Yeah. I'm here."

[kenmaiii]

oomf right honestly drawing faves and ocs like ponies is fun :3. pretty slay for a first attempt i think

[nerosdayinanime]

trying to figure out how to draw na'vi

[the-brainrot-central]

Writing over 30,000 words worth of content for a fic only to realize it’s all pointless because you have no interest in it anymore and you were never gonna finish it anyway….

What even is The Point anymore

[prismatic-starstuff]

i have such an annoyingly complex relationship with bg3; there are many things i love about it but as time has gone on i have seen how many things i hate about it, and since the shine has been pretty much fully removed from the game for me by bad things i've seen both in the fandom and from the staff, i can see 'em all Extremely clearly

[hauntingblue]

We got koby today.... tashigi could cut the hand like zoro did in dressrosa but we got koby today....

[agayconcept]

.

[stars-on-fyre]

Idk about y’all but I think Deadpool & Wolverine is putting my faith back into Marvel a little because it was honestly one of the best Marvel movies I’ve seen in a hot minute

Spoilers/rant in tags!!! 🏷️