#Every word you never said

[fortunatefires]

Last day of the trans rights readathon and I wanted to share my reads

[girlwholikestoread]

My least favorite to My favorite books I read in 2022

23: We are totally normal by Rahul Kanakia: Okay first thing first this book made me incredibly uncomfortable; however not because of the sex but because this book did an amazing job capturing how cringe,annoying, and mean highschool students can be which I enjoyed. When books have teenagers I feel a lot of stories feel the need to make them more mature to better fit the plot but in this book they felt like real people you probably went to high school with…take that as you will. Anyways the book is about Nandan who never before liked guys but hooked up with his friend Dave, Nandan starts his journey trying to understand his sexuality. I didn’t love this book but I didn't hate it. I was excited to give it a chance because it seemed pretty heavily disliked. I understand the hate because Nandan is incredibly unlikable at times and I do feel bad for Dave at times because Nandan's actions hurt him, however Nandan is written to be a confused teen and never doesn’t do anything bad on purpose. The ending for me wasn’t my cup of tea and personality. I didn't want Nandan and Dave to get together since I think them being friends works better but not horrible. Overall not my vibe, but it made me laugh at times and I liked the realistic portrayal of teenagers.

22: Honey Girl by Morgan Rogers: First this book cover is beautiful and I love the idea of an workaholic overachiever doing something crazy and reckless as they slowly find themselves and it was sapphic on paper this book sounds amazing…but it was just okay, the book was pretty boring and I practically had to force myself to finish it. Grace Porter, our main character, gets drunk and marries a woman she doesn’t know in Vegas and that sounds really cool but the execution was a huge disappointment. None of the people in Grace's life including her best friends/ roommates, her parents, or even her love interest are written to be very interesting and Grace herself is pretty boring. I did however like the writing style the author chose for this book and the way the author describes the characters, setting, and what and how they feel is written beautifully and I truly enjoyed that. Overall it was pretty mid, My disappointment is immeasurable and my day is ruined.

21. Leah on the Offbeat by Becky Albertalli: I bought this book to get a discount from Barens and Noble not because I wanted it. I haven’t read Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda nor did I see Love Simon so I came into this not knowing anything about Leah or the other characters. Despite that I thought the book was alright, nothing too special and pretty predictable but fine. The book is about Leah who’s getting ready for Prom and preparing to head to college, she’s a plus sized bisexual girl which is great to see and all the side characters are pretty cool. I’m not a big fan of Leah’s personality at times and her romance with Abby is fine and at times really cute, I like Abby encouraging her to pursue art that was nice. I also liked seeing Leah bond with her mom’s boyfriend and find the perfect prom dress that was really nice. Overall cute story. fun characters, and a nice romance, Nick deserved better

20. Across a field of starlight by Blue Delliquanti: Fun space adventure and first graphic novel I’ve read with two non-binary characters as the main character. Fassen and Lu have had a long distance friendship. I loved the artstyle and the diversity but I found the storyline super hard to follow to the point I can’t even give a real description. Fassen and Lu are both cool and I liked the characters but the storyline wasn’t for me. Overall beautiful art but hectic plot.

19. The Prince and the Dressmaker by Jen Wang: Adorable and charming. I really liked the unique art style in this book and the relationship between Prince Sebastian and Frances is very sweet. The graphic novel is about Frances who is a talented seamstress who is secretly hired to make dresses for Prince Sebastian who enjoys wearing beautiful dresses but can’t let anyone including his parents know because of his royal status. Sebastian and Frances' friendship is sweet and I love how they treat each other. I felt like their falling out was forced and I didn’t really understand why Frances was upset, but the last two chapters made me so happy. Overall I loved the artstyle, loved Sebastian and Frances friendship, and loved chapter 11 & 12.

18: The girl from the sea by Molly Knox Ostertag: Morgan and Keltie are adorable and the art style was gorgeous. This sapphic graphic novel is about Morgan who lives on a small island with her mom, little brother, and has friends. After accidentally falling in the ocean she's met by a fish girl named Keltie who she once met when they were both children, after saving her they share a kiss, Keltie then comes into her life saying her love transformed her from a seal to a human girl. It’s cute, it’s silly, and it's sweet. Bittersweet ending but a fun read. Overall sweet sapphic love story, seal girls are better than mermaids.

17. The Gravity of us by Phil Stamper:It’s basically what would happen if the moon landing happened in modern day. We follow Cal, a 17 year old journalist who has to leave his life in Brooklyn to move to Houston when his dad gets a job working as an astronaut at NASA. Cal is probably the most unlikable protagonist I’ve read so far but he gets better as you read the book . The romance between Cal and Leon was really nice and I really like Leon as a character and found him the most relatable. Overall fun read, Leon should have his own book.

16. Conventionally Yours by Annabeth Albert: I love Geeks falling in love. It's my favorite holiday. This book is a duo POV with Alden and Conrad, while I didn’t see it as enemies to lovers as the book is advertised I still really enjoyed it regardless. We follow Alden and Conrad as they go on a road trip together to make content for a YouTube channel they both make appearances on called “Gamer Grandpa” which they play a card game named Odyssey also plan on playing at an tournament to win money and an opportunity to play the game professionally. Learning about both the characters' struggles, family lifes, and why they need to win the tournament all while becoming closer and closer was so fun to read. I really like Alden and Conrad and think they made a cute couple. I'll admit I knew who was gonna win barely half way through the story but that doesn’t matter to me. I liked the romance and where the characters ended up at the end. Overall this book was adorkable and I wished Odyssey was a real game.

15. Out of Characters by Annabeth Albert: More Geeks falling in love but now ex-friends to lovers version. This book is also a duo POV with Jasper and Milo, Jasper was a minor character in Conventionally Yours and in this one he gets his own story where his old childhood friend Milo comes to him needing help after he lost his older brother expensive Odyssey cards in a game. Seeing Jasper and Milo reconnect was adorable and their adventure was so much fun to read. I also loved reading about Milo getting out of his comfort zone, making new friends, and better coming to terms with his sexuality. It was so great and he and Jasper have amazing chemistry. Overall friends to lovers is underrated and I need more books with the characters cosplaying.

14. The darkness outside us by Eliot Schrefer: This book was a mindfuck and I loved every single page. This was one of my first Sci-fi books and it is amazing! Ambrose and Kodiak are both sent into space on a mission, they have no memory of the launch and the only company they have is each other and the ship’s operating system which tells them to do their tasks and encourages them to follow their mission to get on Titian. Since the book is mostly building suspense and leaving small clues leading to the plot twist the romance isn’t that developed but I still think Ambrose and Kodiak are good together and I really liked them. Overall a great book and the ending is so satisfying.

13. You should see me in a crown by Leah Johnson: This book makes me so happy! We follow Liz an black gay teenage girl living in a primarily white and rich neighborhood. She has no interest in popularity but when she finds out the winner of prom queen gets scholarship money that can help her pay for her dream school she starts running and works hard to get votes. I related to Liz so much when it came to friends, her family, and feeling like she needs to protect the people around her. Seeing Liz reconnect with her old friend, make new friends, and her relationship with Mack is just so wholesome. Overall great book and I wish Liz was real so we could be friends.

12. Infinity Reaper by Adam Silvera: This seems hit or miss with some people but I loved it! This is the second book in the Infinity series. It’s hard to explain the plot without spoiling anything from the first book but I really enjoyed it and can’t wait for the next one. Overall Ness is my favorite character and I hope Adam Silvera doesn't kill him.

11. Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller: The Hype is real. It’s the story of Achilles' life Achilles told by his lover Patroclus. The two meet after Patroclus accidentally kills another boy over dice and his father Menoetius banishes him away. The two become friends and later start a romantic relationship. We see Achilles' life from childhood to when he fights in the Trojan war. It's written beautifully and it’s truly heartbreaking. Overall terrific book, Achilles and Patroculs are the best historical gays.

Honorable mention. Rogue Sun volume one: Cataclysm: Okay so this was a book my brother really wanted me to read so I gave it a chance and it was really good. We follow Dylan who is a regular highschool student who recently finds out his father passed away, when going to the reading of his fathers will he finds out his dad was the town's hero named Rogue Sun and he passed down his powers to him. I liked it, I thought it was a good mix of action and real life emotions and Dylan was a great main character and really grew on me, I also thought it had a nice twist. Overall not my usual vibe but I enjoyed it nonetheless

10. I kissed Sara Wheeler by Casey McQuiston: Casey McQuiston has never written a bad book in their life and I kissed Sara Wheeler is great, We follow Chloe green who goes on an adventure to find her academic rival and most popular girl in school Sara Wheeler after she kissed her on prom night then completely disappeared she has the help of Sara’s boyfriend Smith, and another character named Rory who Sara also kissed on prom night. Sara leaves small clues for them to follow to help find where she is. My only real issues is while I like Sara and Chloe I liked the side characters even more and wanted to see more of them, I wanted to see more of Smith’s exploring his identity and his relationship with Rory, other characters like Ash, Benjy, Georgia, and more seem like interesting characters who could’ve been so fun to read if given more attention. Overall fun mystery and I need a second book about Smith and Rory.

9. Red, White, and Royal blue by Casey McQuiston: I’m a basic bitch I know but I really did love this book.This book is about the first son Alex falling in love with the Prince of Wales Prince Henry. I really don’t know what to say about this book that hasn’t already been said but I loved it. This book is super funny and Alex and Henry had immediate chemistry which was so much fun to read. I wish the side characters like Pez, Nora, and June got more attention but since this is a romance I understand why they were sidelined. Overall sweet political romance and obtuse fucking asshole is the most romatic line in any book ever.

8. One last stop by Casey McQuiston: It’s probably slightly controversial having One Last Stop ranked higher than Red, White, and Royal blue but the main reason I ranked it higher is because I loved every single character and felt like everyone one had a nice conclusion unlike Red, white, and Royal blue and I kissed Sara Wheeler where I wanted more attention on the side characters. I also loved seeing August and Jane's relationship build while also trying to help Jane understand what happened to her and seeing August find herself on the way was great. Overall another great mystery by Casey MCQuiston, I’m a sucker for sapphic romances

7. Extraordinaries by T.J.Klune: This book is the reason I downloaded back Tumblr it fucking amazing! Gay superheroes, fanfiction, and a main protagonist who is hilarious and relatable this book is fucking awsome. We follow Nick Bell who is the biggest fan of a neighborhood superhero named Shadow Storm who fights his arch rival Pyro Storm. In this world people who have super powers are called Extraordinaries and Nick desperately wants to be extraordinary and to make his fanfiction come true by being with the super hero of his dreams. I’ll admit I didn’t love Nick much at first but she really grew on me. Not only is the book great but it also has great ADHD rep and LGBTQ rep. Overall my favorite superhero novel better than marvel movies

6. Every word you never said by Jordon Greene: This wins for having the prettiest cover I currently own. This book is also a duo POV following Skyler Grey an nonverbal boy who was just recently adopted and enjoys wearing skirts and dresses and Jacob Walters who recently came out and dealing with shitheads because of it including his own father. The book is about Skyler fighting for his right to express himself when Jacbo’s own father tries to make rules to stop him from doing so. Skyler and Jacob are adorable and seeing them get closer and closer was heartwarming. However the book does talk a lot about politics and the ugly side of christianity which made me feel uneasy at times but the romance and message was so strong I couldn’t help but love it. Overall clothes have no gender!

5. Winter Orbit by Everina Maxwell: To be completely honest this is probably the best written book I’ve read all year. The writing, story building, character building, and explaining of the politics of the world was written, in my opinion of course almost perfectly.The book is about Kiem and Jainan who are forced to marry to seal an alliance between their respective empires after Jainan pervouse partener was killed suddenly. However it becomes more complicated when a Jainan becomes a person in interest in his death. Admittedly the romance in this book is pretty secondary in the story and is mostly about Jainan and Kiem trying to prove Jainan is innocent, I still liked the romance tho and seeing Kiem being sweet and patient with Jainan who has a lot of unresolved trauma was nice. My only issue is that the book felt kinda slow at times but the end result is totally worth it. Overall I felt smart reading this book. Kiem is a sweet cinnamon roll who deserves the world.

4. Delilah Green Doesn’t Care by Ashley Herring Blake: I don’t usually like adult books but this is a huge expectation. This book is a romance between Claire Sutherland who is a single mom with an eleven-year-old daughter dealing with an undependable ex-boyfriend and Delilah Green who is hired to be her estranged step sister Astrid photographer at her wedding. Delilah had it tough growing up with losing her mom, dad, and living with her uncaring step mother and Claire had her own issues with being a single mom and dating. Delilah and Claire are sweet together and I really liked their relationship and it was a nice story. My only issues is that there is a side plot where Claire and another mutual friend of her and Astrid wants to stop her from marrying her dick head fiance and that pretty much goes nowhere in favor of the romance, I love Delilah and Claire’s romance but I would’ve liked to see more of then trying to talk sense into Astrid. Overall Cute and spicy sapphic romance can’t wait to read Astrid Parker doesn’t fail next year.

3. Heat Wave by T.J. Klune: FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC ending to the extraordinaries, The dad squad had my entire heart, seeing everyone work together to stop Simion evil plan of taking over Nova city was epic and the epilogue at the end its probably the best epilogue I’ve ever read in a book. However I wasn’t a big fan of the ending and what they decided to do to Owen and I hated how they kept talking about how “You shouldn’t see things as Evil vs. Good because things are more complicated than that” when Simion was very clearly evil and had only bad intentions but with the great plot twist, sweet moments, and of course the amazing epilogue I was able to get past it and enjoy a great conclusion to a great series. Overall this series was extraordinary and Jazz is a badass.

2. Flash Fire by T.J. Klune: This is more just me. I tend to like the second book in trilogies the most and this wasn’t any different. Seth is my favorite character and in Flash fire he gets more attention and I loved that. This is also when we learn more about Nick’s mom Jenny who passed away 3 years ago and Nick learns more about himself, in this we learn more about Simion’s plans, we also meet new characters like Mateo/ Miss Conduct, Jerry the burrito guy, and T.K who are all introduced in a cool and funny way. Overall Second time is always the best and Pyro Storm is bae.

1. Cinderella is dead by Kalynn Bayron: Words can’t describe how much I love this book but I will try. This new dark retelling of Cinderella's story takes an unique and cool spin on a classic. We follow Sophia who lives in a world 200 years after Cinderella found her prince charming and “Lived happily ever after” Ever since the king forces the people in the village to live their lives following Cinderall’s story. Sophia has no interest in marrying a man and would rather marry her childhood friend Erin but is forced to go to an annual ball and find a husband or else. I love this fast paced story about fighting the patriarchy and learning the real story of Cinderella. Sophia and Constance bounce off each other perfectly and I love their chemistry, not much romance but the book was so good it honestly doesn’t bother me. I loved this book so much and it’s my absolutely favorite book in 2022. Overall I loved a dark retelling and Sophia is a girlboss.

[qbdatabase]

Skylar Gray is adopted, nonverbal, and he feels most comfortable wearing skirts. Life has never been easy, but with a fresh start at a brand-new school, with new parents and in a new state, he just might finally make some friends. Maybe. Honestly it′s hard to focus on anything when gorgeous rocker boy Jacob is around. But it′s hard for Skylar to trust anyone when people have always been quick to ditch him at the first inconvenience; they always seem more than ready to judge him as defective. And the bullies love to confirm it. Skylar has only ever had himself, so why would anything be different this time? Especially for an anxious boy with literally no voice.

Jacob doesn′t give a damn, especially not since he came out over the summer. He expected the hate he got from his father, who mostly acts as if it never happened, but he refuses to let it hold him back. It doesn′t matter, Jacob′s over it. He’s going to paint his nails, dye his hair, and strike a heavy riff on his guitar if he wants to, even if it means being grounded most of senior year. But when the cute nonverbal transfer student, Skylar, wears a skirt to school, prompting a sexist new dress code proposal, Jacob decides it′s time to take a stand, no matter the risk to himself.

[juniemunie]

[Abandoned by the Lightners, his heart became cracked with hatred.]

Hitting a lil' too close to home?

[r0b0t1me]

You are not supposed to be here. You don’t belong here. Get out get out get out GET OUT-

fanart for chapter 4 of take little bites by @bigdvmnhero​

bonus. because i couldnt pick a single scene to draw out LMAO

[kori-senpai]

New Leokumi content in the lords year of 2024?? It's more likely than you think! (x)

[onpie]

Noodles and Tea’s work inspired me fr

[youjustwaitsunshine]

anyways i genuinely and deeply believe that seb is one of the best, well-rounded, most talented racing drivers currently active and i think no matter where he was racing, he'd adapt within less than one season. he's incredibly versatile, everyone who has worked with him praises his quick understanding, intelligence and detailed feedback. he's a genius on track and seizes every opportunity he can and any team across all of motorsport recognizes his talent. so many other drivers know him to be courteous and friendly and so many racing series want to win him (and the fanbase and recognition that comes with him) to drive for them. It's clear that once a team is genuinely happy to have him and listens to him, he's a major force that very few other drivers could come up against.

[sysig]

I can't remember if you've done any drawings for this before, sorry, but I have a requestober prompt! Vargas ladyverse snake charmer au? Or ladyverse dryder au Scri, I feel like the potential for pretty spiderweb clothes is high there. I would request both, but I want to respect the rules ^^ Thank you!!

Day 27 - Skillfully spun sheer shawl

[fumifooms]

Makima, devils and self-fulfillment

Dumping some Makima and CSM thoughts after a part 1 binge bc I think about her forever and ever. I’m sure I’m forgetting some devil lore, feel free to correct what i get wrong/what’s been confirmed. On the table of contents there’s why & how Makima got fixated on Chainsaw, her revealing liking for the country mouse and discussion of her nature & emotions & desires. Was the scorpion doomed to be a scorpion?

The most of this post was thought of during a conversation with @saccharineomens and I don’t think it makes sense to jump into the spiral it sent me on without first laying down the interesting groundwork theorizing she did:

"Thinking about how makima herself wants to be deified. I wonder whether she recognizes the difference between Love As Worship and the love that Aki, Power, and Denji had. She says she wants to help humanity by having Chainsawman eat the “bad” devils, but why does she want to help humans? Because she was ordered to by the Prime Minister? No, her drive seems much more personal than that, it seems like she teamed up with the PM for contractual reasons. (In the most recent chapters we see governmental members wanting certain devils to be eaten, too. What was Makima’s relationship with them? She’s too independent to just follow THEIR orders, she’s Control.)

So is she wanting to better humanity for the accolades, or out of the goodness of her heart? She sees the big picture. She sees any small sacrifice as worth it for the end result, and she’s ruthless. Perhaps she thinks that a more sedate human race would be easier to control? But Makima doesn’t loathe humanity. She never acts like she sees all humans as lesser. She loves humanity’s creations, like good food and movies. She just wants Good Things all the time

She says she prefers the country mouse BUT adds a story where she helps exterminate country mice like vermin. She likes the simplicity yet rejects the idea of being simple. Makima the complex individual you are"

~

The story itself seems to prefr the country mouse. Well- it strikes a balance, shows that a risk to live good & fully can be very worth it, but still that stability over ambition is preferable, proning having a simple happy life over fame, a simple job instead of a dangerous one, etc etc. And I do find Makima’s answer on this so so interesting, she prefers the country mouse, but this preference isn’t out of affection or sympathy but because of how relaxing it feels to exterminate them when they cause problems.

Order satisfies her. Her order satisfies her. She likes the action of rooting out disorder. Maybe this is the devil part, like how Power especially wants blood and drinking it, I feel there’s an itch to every devil, and for Makima it’s a very rigid world view/morality/standards & making things follow her rules and submit to her order.

And maybe this is why she’s attached to humans too, why she felt it was worth it to stick with the government- because devils are chaotic by nature (it’s a whole plot point that hell is essentially a free-for-all battleground for example), meanwhile humans are the species that universally rule Earth with systems they invented and instilled. They made then enforced rules, complex and intricate webs of them. She feels alienated amongst devils but she understands the humans’ need for an orderly organised society, and now she wants to be part of it. Control and conquest require social dynamics after all, requires civilizations or groups. War is chaotic while peace is, well, peaceful— Makima resents her sisters for being death, famine and war, things that throw the world in such chaos. She wants a world of perfect order, no matter how much collateral damage there will be if the end result is control.

This is even more interesting if you consider that yes, Makima is untouchable of her own design, she deifies herself with her omnipresent amount of control and the sway over others that she seeks and encourages— There is this urge to dehumanize her for it, that yes, she is the devil of control and that means she was never going to be any different, have any more feeling be any less uncanny. And I love part 2 so much for this, because it shows us the war devil and the famine devil and we see how frankly uncharismatic with poor self-discipline they are, Nayuta too, and it helps us realize just how much Makima’s success was self-made.

She admires Chainsaw Devil, the Hero of Hell, because he had his own code and his own rules and he made Hell, the chaos pit, submit to them unfailingly. Wherever he goes he decides what he does and what happens to the people he encounters but does so consistently, he has his mechanism and his rules that he always obeys, and he fulfills them every time. It’s still a mystery the why of Chainsaw Devil’s behavior back then and how it works exactly, maybe Pochita left hell because he was tired of these rules he lived by like chains, but still, he was a servant to his code. Makima would have been glad being killed and eaten by Chainsaw Devil because it’d have been becoming part of his design, his conquest, his domination, she’d have been part of that —his— order. Through her death she would be shaping his world and be part of a conqueror’s making history. Like how she appreciates the country mice that die for the sake of order. Like how sacrifices must be made to herself, like listing the name of every person whose life was lost to the Gun Devil— All for the ~greater good~, for her vision for the world. Conquest always thinks its reasons are justified.

And she does mention with the country mice thing that she goes out to a friend’s farm every year! She has a human friend?? That she visits yearly and she genuinely likes it?? Ultimately she lives a busy city life because of her goal and drive and her urge & satisfaction with overseeing shaping the world herself, but part of her, like so many characters including Angel and Aki and Reze, wishes she could live a slow peaceful country life. Moviegoing and dogs and mice in a farm- Wouldn’t it be so much simpler if Makima could find fulfillment and happiness in being a farmer, in keeping control of her own farm, getting satisfaction from exterminating vermin and expertly getting everything right, the right crops grown at the right time on the right soil? Here, too, in a way it’s trying to have full control of an ecosystem, but her goals would be easier to achieve and better, without ceaseless sacrifice or much pressure. But Makima wants grandiosity and her goal does matter to her on a fundamental and moral level, she does think she knows what’s best for the world, and with the power to change it why wouldn’t she strive to? Visiting the farm is just a break, just something she does in fall to help out and just in time to see the vermin extermination. It calms her, then it’s back to actual work.

In capitalism, even the one at the very top of the ladder is ultimately alienated from others and often unsatisfied by their lifestyle, always wanting more and more power because surely that’s the extra edge they must be missing to be content— like how Makima thinks she wants to dominate Chainsaw Devil instead of being his equal. And she says it herself too, she likes humans the way humans like dogs…….. And she keeps so many dogs :( Makima prefers the country mice because they’re calming to root out, maybe because she usually mainly deals with city mice. It’s very easy to equate humans to the mice in this allegory because it’s pretty direct and she’s already likened humans to lesser animals compared to her. She’s self-isolating by design for her design but she still craves relationships and contentment, and the dogs are the embodiment or her want for bonds and occasional simplicity because there is no possible ulterior motive, no way they tie back into her wider plan. They’re her personal life— something that feels so alien when speaking about Makima. Personality and individuality and likes and preferences and friends they visit every year. She likes how easily she can train a dog and how they become putty in her hands, at her beck and call, how much they love her and how much she enjoys their love. How simple and straightforward and easy it is. She keeps them because she likes being loved by them and loving them, and she’s gotten and raised so many. A conqueror always wants more and more and more, is never satisfied.

Devils and agency

Like Power the blood devil wanting blood and having a fixation on drinking it like with Denji’s, or how it was shocking that the violence devil was pretty tame and nice and how he himself theorized it was because he was a fiend and possessing a human body… There’s something to be said about nature vs nurture with the devils. The way they reincarnate and always embody their fear makes it seem categorically like nature, that they always always end up fulfilling the role they were named after and born to fill… Outside influence they’re helpless but to conform with. Like the humans accepting their spot in the social ladder and the shittiness of their living conditions and job under capitalism. Makima craved being equals with someone despite being the control/conquest devil, Angel Devil despite claiming to be a devil who likes to see humans dying was haunted by their deaths and wanted to avoid ones like Aki’s. The Ghost Devil being ironically haunted by Himeno, seemingly helping Aki in her memory out of… Lasting affection? Or maybe it was less about being haunted itself and more about it recognizing how Himeno haunted Aki, and acknowledging that, with the memento, paying her respect to the ghost of her. It’s Angel Devil’s devil nature that makes him like human suffering, so then is it his angel nature too to still care about their deaths? Is there truth to this or is that just personality, just our confirmation bias haunting every part of their identity like it might in their own view of themselves too? We do know different reincarnations of devils do have different personalities after all.

Yoru, war devil, is the most interesting one when talking about the nature vs nurture debate with devils. There is how through her we see the perhaps the most the consequences of a devil stopping being feared— we see a horseman for a concept as universal and horrifying as war be reduced to some bird who needs a contract with a human to have any power even just on the situation when meeting Asa. And through the story we get to know her better, and it becomes clear that her goal is fueled in good part by simply wanting to be remembered and respected through fear. Liked, validated, seen a powerful. But what is more isolating than war? Or control? We also see Nayuta accepting others’ house rules. If part 1 shows perhaps the futility of running away from the truth, with Denji’s memory, with escapist coping mechanisms, with passivity and denial under a corrupt system and with abusive relationships- running away from your own feelings and from the reality of things and from all that you are, more complex than simply human or devil or both or neither— part 2 builds upon the theme of cult of personalities, the chainsaw church, etc. The apocalypse is coming, but this celebrity superhero might save us all, or doom us all uh, dunno. The hero of hell reliving the cycle of pressure from responsibilities and expectations, maybe the part will end with Denji running away like Pochita did~

But yes, on the reverse, I think Famine is a very interesting example of how a devil’s namesake may be more innate than coerced by circumstances. One would think that a famine devil would only like inflicting famine upon others, not being famished itself, but Famine has a bottomless stomach that can never, ever be satisfied, sated. I struggle to find a psychological explanation for this, except that maybe instead of her being hungry it’s her feeling empty when she’s not eating, tasting and having that high sensory experience that releases serotonin in humans, sort of like drugs? But I do take this as a step towards the compulsion theory overall, feels like a reach in the consistency otherwise. And compulsion does not mean it’s something that they like nor that it’s something that they fight against, pretty neutral, just a nature that nudges you towards one path. Maybe it’s even just their go-to for entertainment. Maybe it’s the only thing that makes them feel right and whole. But still the debate remains, what is it, a compulsion or an urge or an itch or an active desire or a conscious chosen want? Does it change anything in practice?

And because of all of this earlier, devils being self-fulfilling prophecies with their role is not in unsignificant part nurture, because doing their atrocities is how they stay remembered— feared, powerful, known— hell and devils are a very isolating place and breed after all, and we do see devils can want companionship. Existentially, it’s their purpose and how they justify their place in the world, in the terrifyingly vast and unknowable cosmos.

We still know so little of what makes Chainsaw Devil so special, why his carnage is so self-controlled. Despite a chainsaw maybe being possibly one of the most "nature" thing you can be— a tool to cut things, a human tool that can be helpful for many things, something to be wielding by another at their judgement on what they decide, but mainly something to cut, a tool suited for carnage, to hurt and to destroy. A blade with a toothed chain, spinning around and around and around endlessly on the same road at the same pace. Such a…. Innately circular concept. And yet the Chainsaw Devil is his own, not driven by an urge or by chaos but his very own brand of order, his own unique assigned purpose, a "if you call i’ll come running to help" policy equalizing everyone. He chooses to withhold his destruction and interference otherwise, and then he chooses to be used. If it’s a choice, of course.

Maybe this is what inspired Makima so much, that Chainsaw Devil could decide what to make of himself despite expectations or innate role. Because even Hell he decided & managed to subjugate under his will and whim, with a precise vision and process. When Chainsaw Devil acts like Denji or is defeated, Makima clicks her tongue and loses her admiration and respect. Makima admired and liked Chainsaw Devil, but only as long as he matched her great image of him in her mind, as long as he followed he rules for what she thinks he should be like. She admired him for his unrivaled self-made success, but once he stepped out of that to truly embody self-fulfillment and agency, disappearing from hell to live on his own road at the beat of his own drum… Well. Surely that was a mistake she has to correct. However their second battle ends, the better conqueror will have prevailed and she’s happy about that, all in the spirit of domination and subjugation.

Imo Makima’s biggest tool, similarly capitalism’s most helpful effect for its own purposes, is complacency. Resignation and passivity helps uphold the system and go along the flow of the will of the people in power. Aki and Reze go along with orders even when knowing their job is trash, etc. In Angel Devil especially we see him go along with the flow uncaring about anyhing, and we discover it was in part due to Makima taking away memories that motivated him. If every devil decides this is just how things are and how things should be that’s what they’ll continue to be and do mindlessly, not pursuing a better life like Chainsaw Devil and Denj and not seeking to change the world like Makima. I think even Makima veils herself to a lot of things, she doesn’t like to think deeply about some things, like her desire for connection, or how making bad movies disappear is strenuous and unsustainable and requiring sacrifices at best— how her judgement is as subjective as anyone else. How liking the country mouse and her friend back at the farm and her dogs could be not devoid of sentimality. Wanting bad movies erased is her one biggest show of selfishness, of pettiness and individuality, it’s about her tastes, simple as. About how she can have tastes, and cry seeing a scene of people hug, and want things that aren’t logical, her ideology and mind twisted into a pretzel to avoid acknowledging that she doesn’t live and breathe purely for the mission she’s made a single-minded robot out of herself to accomplish. Nayuta is assertive and selfish and loud, Makima is manipulative and strategically both for her goals and for coping hollow.

Everything in her plans and goals she says is for the greater good, necessary evil, manufactured happiness the way she’ll have decided for people— and that’s the thing isn’t it, like with War, it’s the crack that shows it was all truly about herself after all. Her self-made deification still had the flaw that a self made it. Makima is not omniscient, and it’s not Chainsaw Devil the not-so-fellow-kindred-soul conqueror who gets the best of her, but a city mouse, a dog, someone she would have never thought to respect, Denji.

[girlwholikestoread]

ALL THE BOOKS I READ IN 2022!

Infinity Reaper_594 pages

January 1 - January 15

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

The girl from the sea_247 pages

January 15

⭐⭐⭐⭐

You should see me in a crown_324

January 16 - January 28

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Out of Character_394

January 30 - February 3

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

We are totally normal_278

February 4 - February 11

⭐⭐⭐

Leah on the Off Beat_339

February 15- February 23

⭐⭐⭐⭐

The Gravity of us_307

February 25- March 2

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Winter Orbit_430

March 4- March 14

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Delilah Green Doesn't Care_371

March 14- March 22

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Honey Girl_293

March 24- April 4

⭐⭐⭐

Song of Achilles_378

April 9- April 16

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Across a field of starlight_352

April 18- April 21

⭐⭐⭐⭐

Red, White, and Royal blue_418

April 25- April 30th

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Conventionally yours_370

May 1- May 5

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Every word you never said_408

May 5 - May 15

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

I kissed Shara Wheeler_351

May 22 - June 27

⭐⭐⭐⭐

The Darkness Outside us_393

(Re-Read) July 1- July 24

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

One Last Stop_417

(Re-Read) July 26

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

The prince and the dressmaker

August 2

⭐⭐⭐

Cinderella is dead_385

August 26- September 8

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

The Extraordinaries_400

September 9 - October 5

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Flash Fire_392

October 5- October 18

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Heat Wave_376

November 5- November 23

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Rogue Sun_176

December 28

⭐⭐⭐⭐

[pseudophan]

gonna be so sad when tonight is the first preshow space with good audio and i'm asleep because i have a psych appointment tomorrow

[specialagentartemis]

I love when people reblog from me with a Fun Fact about my discipline that goes "Did you know that [thing that is completely and utterly untrue]?"

[nostalgia-tblr]

i nearly anon'd the thorki non-con fic out of SHAME but in two weeks it's become my third most clicked-on fic of the year, behind only a multichapter fic and a bit of angsty sifki porn lololol

[sky-squido]

i, like every other fic author in existence, love getting comments from people who enjoyed my work. i don't care if your comment is "late" (that's so weird to me like it's literature—do you apologize to homer for being late to reading the odyssey?) or "unintelligible" (late night commenters, english language learners, people who feel like they "just aren't that good with words", believe me, i entirely understand what you mean and appreciate it immensely), or anything else that you feel might make your comment 'not good enough'. i love all of the comments i receive and i am eternally grateful to all of you for your continued support.

and yeah, i've read fics where i felt like adding a comment would be doing the fic a disservice because there was nothing that could be said that wouldn't cheapen or patronize the magnum opus i'd just witnessed. in instances like this, that is exactly what i say in the comment: "there's nothing i can say that doesn't do this work of art a disservice. thank you for writing this."

actually, now that i think about it, there are a bunch of ao3 comments i've gotten that i still haven't replied to because i felt any thanks i could give would be inadequate. i should really get around to replying because i want them to know how spellbound they left me. i love you all, have i ever mentioned that?

all of that being said, i would like to make a public service announcement!

at least under default settings, ao3 authors do get notified every time you edit a comment. i've accidentally hit send too early before, or realized i forgot something i wanted to say, i get it, i really do. i have edited many comments in my day.

but you don't have to do this. really, it's okay. most of the time i honestly can't tell what the difference is. i'm not going to think worse of you for having typos in your comments because i guarantee that there were more in the fic you just read sfkljghsl

also these edits were over the course of twenty full minutes. i got another email while writing this post and had to update the image. please do not spend 20 minutes agonizing over your comment and changing the capitalization and adding a few words. it's okay, i promise. i love your comment, and i'm very very grateful for it, regardless of how "polished" it is. i'm not your english teacher in disguise.

tl;dr, i love you all and i hope you don't feel anxiety or a compulsion towards perfectionism in my ao3 comments section. i won't judge you, i promise <3