#Evan rambles A LOT

[desultory-suggestions]

I’m trying to find tips on how to decorate a basement (no windows, no natural light, exposed black ceiling/pipes) and all of these articles are about hyper finished suburban mansion basements 😭 please your honor I’m a renter! In a city!!! What do you MEAN install shelving units and a 12 ft mirror!

[chronicowboy]

Buck doesn't know how long they sit there in that café just talking. He's never had that before. The last time he'd done this, sat across from Natalia in the midday sun, he'd been excruciatingly aware of every passing minute as he tried to be fascinating to her, spun yarns of deaths and near-deaths and deathly comas. Here, now, Buck just exists and that seems to be more than enough for Tommy.

Tommy who hangs on his every word like Buck is the next Shakespeare even as he's rambling about rainbow emojis and allyship. Tommy whose smile is so big and wide that it carves the most beautiful caverns into his face that Buck kind of wants to live in. Tommy who grimaces every time he sips the coffee Buck bought him but dutifully drinks the whole thing over the course of their date even when Buck tells him he doesn't have to. Tommy who keeps muffling yawns into his fist every five minutes having just gotten off a twenty-four hour shift like he'd stay in that uncomfortable metal seat forever if he could.

It's the best second date of his life, so when Buck tells him to go home and get some sleep, he doesn't resist the urge to prolong the date for the few moments it takes him to walk Tommy to his car. With anyone else, so soon into whatever this might turn out to be, Buck would worry that it's too much too soon. But Tommy has been so loud in his affection even with how gentle he's made sure to stay. Buck wants to be as free in his wanting as Tommy as is, so he reaches out and slips his fingers between Tommy's, damn near euphoric when they begin to swing between them as they walk.

It takes a moment to drag his eyes up to Tommy's face, caught up in the feeling of a hand in his. It's not the first time he's held a hand, far from it. Not even the first time he's held a man's hand. But this isn't Eddie letting him squeeze his fingers as he screams in pain. This isn't Taylor indulging him every now and then. This is Tommy smiling softly down at their hands like he's as mesmerised by it as Buck is, the tips of his ears growing pink and sending a giddy thrill of satisfaction through him.

"Can I ask you something?" Tommy says, giving Buck's hand a happy little squeeze.

"Don't think there's a limit on second date questions," Buck replies.

"Evan." And, Jesus, there's something about the way Tommy says his name. Even when it's that chiding little tone that should remind him of his parents, all he feels is an overwhelming warmth, all he can hear is fondness.

"Of course you can." Buck grins and watches Tommy's smile crinkle his face all over again like he just can't help it.

"Why'd you choose that abomination of a coffee for me?" And Buck groans just to hear Tommy laugh. "Really? What even was that?"

"Black coffee four sugars," Buck mumbles, kicking a stone across the sidewalk sheepishly.

"Jesus, Evan." Tommy's laugh is something special, loud and unrestrained and the sound of sunshine maybe. "Why?"

"I-I don't know, I panicked!" Buck doesn't realise he's drifting away from Tommy until the man pulls him back in by their joined hands, and Buck lets the bump of their shoulders calm him. "Just thought, you know..." Buck turns towards Tommy's car, but Tommy drags him gently towards the Jeep, leaning against the door when they reach it.

"You just thought..."

"I don't know." He shrugs, heat rising to his cheeks under the weight of Tommy's bright-eyed attention, lowers his voice all the way. "It reminded me of you."

"What was that?" Tommy grins, using the excuse to move in a little closer.

"It reminded me of you," Buck repeats, clearer this time, more confident. "You know, bit foreboding on the outside, but all sweet on the inside."

"Christ, you really are adorable," Tommy breathes, sounding as effected as Buck feels.

A kaleidoscope of butterflies swarms in his stomach, delightfully unfamiliar to him but already intoxicating, almost addicting.

It's not two men stood on a busy sidewalk in the middle of the day then. It's just Buck and someone he really fucking likes, someone he hasn't been able to stop thinking about for a week, someone he's only kissed once somehow. And suddenly that's a fact that absolutely should be rectified.

Buck steps forward, leaning up just ever so slightly on his toes, and kisses Tommy right there in the middle of LA. And it just feels right. Overwhelming in the best of ways. It's a quick press of lips, something more suited to the schoolboy he feels than the very adult man he is, not the kiss he wants but the kiss they both need. Chaste and lovely. A hello again. A beginning.

Tommy's free hand ghosts against his jaw, a flutter of a touch as Buck falls back onto his heels and takes a breath. It takes Tommy a few moments to open his eyes which means Buck gets to watch them flutter open, dazed and delighted.

"Get some sleep, Tommy," Buck tells him, finally letting go of his hand with a squeeze. "Text me when you wake up."

"Yessir," Tommy murmurs.

And Buck can't resist another kiss then, just as quick and chaste, anything else dangerous to Buck's self-restraint, before he unlocks the Jeep and climbs in. Tommy waves him off, and Buck glances back just in time to see Tommy's hand falling down to his lips as if to chase Buck's touch.

[tawaifeddiediaz]

the intimacy and soul deep love that comes with outright telling someone you’re worried about them…

buck and eddie have been individually and jointly dragged through the coals before this; but never have they explicitly said how they worry about each other or anything to that likeness

and while the whole point of tv is to read between the lines, to pick up expressions in lieu of time-restricted dialogues, there is something absolutely devastating about buck putting those words out there in the quiet of eddie’s kitchen, only to hear them echoed right back

and it’s also in the tone of his voice, something to the stubborn quiet way he sneaks past every single one of eddie’s denials to the heart of the matter that mirrors the way buck buried himself in eddie’s heart so long ago without his knowledge, and now it’s kind of like eddie’s version of confession, his safe space to repent, his safe space to find some direction in a way religion never did for him but buck does?

and there’s something about the expression on buck’s face too, the one we’ve seen so many times when he fears losing eddie, and i just think that for both of them (including eddie himself) to voice concern about eddie’s mental state essentially, something really bad is probably coming up

[lissa612]

Can someone point me to where in 9-1-1 canon it is shown that Buck thinks of “Evan” as a separate identity or a version of himself he escaped?

Because we’ve got Buck 1.0 that’s been clearly mentioned in the past as a persona he’s outgrown, but I can’t remember him ever saying anything like “That was Evan…This is Buck.” He started going by Buck because it was convenient. He liked it and perhaps considered it a fresh start along with the career he found to finally be his calling, so he kept the nickname…But even the reasoning there is speculation because I can’t recall him ever saying anything more than “Everyone calls me Buck now. I kinda like it.” But there were still people who would call him Evan. His girlfriend, his sister, his best friend when he wanted to make sure he was hearing him, and his therapist (who honestly should be the most mindful of his comfort with mode of address) just off the top of my head. The only time he seems upset when called Evan was when his parents did it after he apparently asked him to call him Buck…That seems to be more about them ignoring his wishes than any sort of visceral rejection of the name itself.

I keep seeing chatter about how it’s disrespectful of Tommy to be calling him Evan. But I can’t find anything in actual canon to back that up. You can head canon that Tommy ignored Buck when he introduced himself like “I’m Evan Buckley - Call me Buck” but that never happened. You can just as easily head canon that Buck blushed and told Tommy that he likes how he says “Evan” when Tommy catches that everyone else calls him Buck and tries to correct himself. I’d argue that one of those head canons fits better with actual canon, but there are arguments for both…Neither is absolutely wrong.

So you can totally head canon that Tommy is someone who ignored Buck’s wishes to be called Buck. But then you also have to head canon that Buck, despite all the progress he has made through the years, is someone who would actively pursue someone who has shown they ignore his wishes - Something we have seen in canon to be a boundary for him. Which is fine if you want to do that…Head canons allow for all kinds of freedom in interpretation. But it’s not canonical fact.

Buck has historically disassociated with parts of his past self with his software upgrades from Buck 1.0, but when was the last time he did that? Buck 3.0 was back in season 4. He’s grown and changed a lot since then without needing to proclaim himself to be Buck 4.0. But beyond that, he’s never proclaimed there to have been an early beta version of the software called “Evan”. Really the only thing we know was upgraded between Buck 1.0 and Buck 2.0 was how Buck handled sex and relationships. Was “Evan” the base code in Buck 1.0? If so, has the code changed so much to have erased that? (Again, there’s nothing explicit in canon, so we can head canon that all day).

Bobby noted at the end of the season how much growth he has seen in Buck. I don’t think anyone who has watched the show could argue against the truth of that statement.

That is canon.

But you can ponder on it and come up with head canon…Perhaps what we are seeing is a more self-actualized version of Buck who doesn’t need to think of any progress he’s made in terms of upgrades because the therapy has finally made him realize he is all of those versions of himself and they are all him - He is the result of everything he has experienced and everything he has done and every decision he has made, and who he is will keep constantly evolving with every new experience and decision.

Regardless, Evan Buckley is Buck. And he is Mr Buckley. And he’s Firefighter Buckley. And he’s Buckley. And he’s Evan.

Unless he’s told someone to NOT refer to him as one of those names and they do anyway, they aren’t showing any disrespect by referring to him in any of those ways. We have examples in canon of that happening. We also have examples of viewers seemingly deciding it happened without canonical basis.

That’s a head canon. Have fun with it but remember to not force it onto others.

[lemoniiiiiii]

thinking abt athlete!warren (before he quit) like...

(assuming it's soccer) you don't care about sports like that but you're forced to go to a game for whatever reason and you're bored out of your mind then you see him. he stands out so easily because of his long hair (that's of course begrudgingly half tied up due to the rules) and the fact he's never really close to where the action is happening (cause he really just rather not be there). you watch him as he wipes off sweat from his face with the hem of his shirt, showing off his abs and he catches you looking at him and he smiles for the first time during the match. you'd go to more games (and even practices) just to crush on him from afar and he'd always entertain your attention but never actually go after you.

in terms of skills he's one of the best on the team but he's an awful teammate and he can lose his temper sometimes so he pisses everyone off by often getting red and yellow cards (the gif is probably what he looks like when he thinks he unfairly gets a card lmao) and leaving them shorthanded. (probably as he cares less abt it he just starts getting them on purpose). and the coach is always yelling at him to pay attention. but when he really gets into it?? oh my god it's the hottest thing ever how easily he can maneuver the ball and do all kinds of tricks.

i'm imagining like you develop this crush on him and then all of a sudden he just doesn't show up to games anymore and you're devastated. then a year or two later you see him get arrested and you wonder what would've happened if you actually ever got to like be with him.

[grapejuicegay]

Sometimes I just start thinking about this moment - paired with Maddie's "I just think that maybe you're not sure of your own feelings yet. And if there's something that you need to tell Eddie, you will. Just, in your own time" - and then don't stop thinking about it.

Maybe I'm just reading into it but the way this moment moves. Eddie steps forward, Tommy steps up to exactly where Eddie was, Buck turns to look where Eddie was, doesn't find what he was looking for but still finds something good. It's not just ep 4 and 5 where the focus on Eddie blows me away, it's also this.

[911is]

The relationship that is Buck and Eddie.

Like how can I even explain them; I really can’t atleast not smartly or as effortlessly as other people can.

How do I say this ? Buck and Eddie are each others soulmates.

They’re each other’s person; you know. They rely on one another and they respect each other on the same level. They don’t see one as on higher level or that their relationship is that one is something and the other isn’t.They’re equal to each other.

Buck is Eddie’s- he’s Eddie’s best-friend and someone eddie has no problem telling things too. Because he knows Buck will listen he knows Buck will have his back and be there for him to bed of his abilities.

And the same thing goes for Buck. He. Could go Eddie and tell him things he couldn’t Maddie or Bobby. He knows telling Eddie things are a judge free zone; and it’s more of just listening and being there for him. And even if they aren’t telling each other things the exact minute that it happens- they know eventually when the other is ready to talk about they’ll talk about it.

And they have their moments where they hide- when they think they should be able to handle things on their own. And I don’t know how else to put it 😭

But Buck and Eddie are their own genre of love and understanding. It’s nothing the other won’t do for the other or try to do you know ?

They are in love and have so much love for the other- and it’s like they won’t have that with anyone else.

Because no one else could compare

Because no will know what it was for buck tasting Eddie’s blood—No one will know what it felt like when it splattered across his face.

No one will feel how felt trying to claw his way through the dirt for Eddie

Won’t know how he felt when he lost Christopher in that tsunami and didn’t know how to tell his best-friend that he did.

No one will understand how Buck feels when he hears gunshots and Eddie isn’t around him.

They won’t understand that even though Eddie had a straight face the entire- he was ridiculously worried for Buck when that fire-engine blew up on-top of him.

They won’t understand that even though he was pissed during the lawsuit; all he wanted was to be able to see and talk to his best-friend

Won’t get that Eddie was afraid that Buck valued his life less than everyone’s and the only way to get him to be serious- was to give him an important part of himself.

That won’t understand 3:17

They cant understand the fear of losing and wanting someone like that. They won’t understand why Eddie and Buck need each other and have each other.

Honestly no one who tries and has tried being being with them will understand.

And because of they won’t ever understand it’ll probably be the reason they can’t ever be in a relationship with them.

___________________________

In my mind Buck and Eddie are inevitable

[moonysfavoritetoast]

i’m scared to follow a cool person i found :(

[hereforthe911buds]

the best and most excruciating ending for season 7 would be going full circle with Eddie unconscious in the hospital due to a very close call, with all the trauma of nearly losing Eddie in the season 4 shooting resurfacing for Buck. maybe there would be a scene where Buck isn't allowed to go visit Eddie while in ICU since he isn't legally family, really nailing into him that's what he wants to be for Eddie, even more than already being tied to Christopher. because Eddie is his person.

once out of the worst of it, Buck is alone with Eddie in a hospital room, Eddie still not conscious but improving. Buck is sitting by the bed holding his hand, while no longer on the edge of death, Buck is still really upset.

finally Buck releases, "I can't keep doing this. not just seeing you like this but not being able to be there every step of the way, because-"

he chokes on his word and pauses.

"there is something I want to tell to you. something that I've probably wanted to say for a while now, and I promise to tell you again when you wake up. but I need to say it once while I know you're breathing because I'll hate myself forever if I don't."

Buck stands up and leans over Eddie. he goes in close, lips hovering over Eddie's forehead, "I'm in love with you Edmundo Diaz" in the softest, most vulnerable volume possible before pressing a soft kiss on his temple, "and even if you don't love me back in the same way, I needed to say it."

there's no response. Buck knew there wouldn't be but he wanted one so bad, somewhat hoping for a fairytale moment. he pulls away but keeps talking to like they were having a conversation, "I need to go to the cafeteria for a drink, I'll be right back."

as his hand is slipping away, suddenly there is a squeeze back.

Buck nearly jumps out of his skin, on top of wondering if Eddie heard him just now. he is still too exhausted to open his eyes, but then Eddie sighs, "I love you too Evan Buckley". Buck is pale, looking terrified, and then the lightest smile.

and then BAM the scene cuts and the credits begin.

imagine the chaos of confirmation at the very last moment. the fan reaction. the interviews. everything, but also that being all we get story wise for some period of time. would be the best and worst thing to ever happen to me. I doubt it will go that way but it would really signify "we are picking up where the story should have gone in season 4" which i think would be beautiful.

[livingincolorsagain]

watched ‘in another life’ last night and the only possible explanation for why eddie wasn’t in buck’s coma alternate universe dream is because buck can’t imagine an eddie who looks at him like he doesn’t know him. thank you for coming to my ted talk

[becausebuckley]

just thinking about the graveyard scene and how buck says he feels like natalia really sees him and implying that nobody else does, and then eddie replying that he's noticed buck hasn't been the same since then. and that buck doesn't have to be anything for anybody. and the pensive look on his face the whole time he's talking. thinking about how eddie never says that he sees buck too because he doesn't let himself see who and what buck is to him. thinking about how eddie tries so hard to be everything for everybody - the perfect husband, father, son - but is never who he needs to be for himself. he doesn't take his own advice. thinking about all the things eddie doesn't let himself have, but also doesn't let himself see, and how buck is one giant shining example of that

[chronicowboy]

imagine you're a guy finally admitting he's queer in his thirties in a macho field of first responders, you got to watch your coworker be an out and proud lesbian at your shitty station but you still don't feel like you can be yourself until you leave behind everyone who knows you for harbour, few years down the line an old coworker calls you to ask you to fly them into a hurricane, you say sure what's the worst that can happen, and maybe you want to repay the woman who showed you what bravery was, and there you meet a golden retriever of a man who is too much to think about in that situation actually, so you don't, but then after it all he puts a hand on your shoulder and smiles at you and maybe..., he calls you a few days later to ask for a tour, asks you out for a beer too but you can't quite tell whether it's platonic or not, you panicked and called him kid it's probably platonic, he shows up to a basketball game and you're pretty sure he's in love with his best friend, you mess with him just a little just for fun, but then things get bad and you go to try to smooth things over, you end up on his doorstep somehow, he's golden in the dim light of his loft and you want to kiss him but you've spent the last two weeks learning how deeply integrated he is into his best friend's family, he's not yours to kiss, except he's making fun of your fake mouth static and he's so close and he's asking to spend time with you and telling you that he wants to get to know you and admitting he wanted your attention, and well you kiss him, and he looks a little like he's just found religion but you make sure it's okay just to be safe and it is, it's okay and god you like him, you really like him, so you ask him on a date and he's breathless in his rush to accept and you really fucking like him, you pick him up at 8 on saturday, you take him to an intimate little italian restaurant, he's tense and looking around like he's waiting for someone to jump out on them and throw a bucket of rainbow glitter over their heads, you tell him about your own journey of self discovery and he listens, takes it a little like an accusation, starts rambling about being an ally, and you really fucking like him it's embarrassing.

tommy kinard the man that you are...

[tellmegoodbye]

I loved Buck's accidental coming out to Maddie. He feels guilty for what happened and says it's because he lied to Eddie, but Buck is also feeling guilty because it "shouldn't be the point" and he doesn't want to allow himself to make a big deal about this new discovery. He doesn't think he's allowed to have any complicated feelings about this, and I'm glad that Maddie pushed back on that.

Maddie reassures him that he is allowed to stop and comes to terms with this on his own timeline. That yes, it is absolutely allowed to be the point. He can be an ally, so to speak, and still need some time to feel comfortable with himself. He doesn't owe his coming out to anyone.

I also appreciated Tommy reassuring him that he wasn't "behaving badly" and that he understood why he had been so nervous. Buck being allowed to come out on his own terms, and come to terms with himself, was a very beautiful and underrated theme in this episode.

[nerdreid]

i don't really go here so feel free to push back on this but. as funny as the "i'm an ally!" line is i also think it's such an interesting manifestation of the specific struggle buck has with his sexuality. like, he's not using it as an identifier label for his identity per se. it's more of a deflection/denial of the root of his discomfort.

it was already clear at the restaurant but it became so evident in his conversation with maddie. buck was clearly nervous about going on a date with a guy, he had never done that before, and when eddie walked in he panicked even harder, lying about it being a date. and he feels so bad about it. but despite mentioning himself that it's his first date with a dude, he can't seem to make the connection that that's where his reaction is coming from. "so why do you think you did that [lying to eddie]" "i don't know"

because he's an ally! he's cool with gay people! so the not-straight thing cannot possibly be the problem. "shouldn't be, right?" he has a hard time grappling with how he feels and how this might change things for him. and i just want to grab him by the shoulders and tell him that it's okay to feel weird about your own newfound queerness. these are your feelings, it's new, it's different. being okay with yourself is a whole different beast than being okay with others.

[meep-meep-richie]

I’m just hoping people won’t ruin Buddie for me by slapping on BuckTommy. Cause we still have so many great Buddie moments besides other beautiful storylines. Yes i’m a buddie shipper and a great fan of BuckTommy and i’m just enjoying both. The Buddie and the BuckTommy moments, but making all the BuckTommy moments be about Buddie is starting to annoy me.

[nicoleacedit]

I keep remembering that Buck is now canonically bi and I have to like mentally process it all over again. I honestly thought we'd never actually get this. I think I speak for most of us when I say that we've been burned before, scrambling for all the breadcrumbs they'll tease us with but getting 0 follow through. But 911 went there. And as much as this is what I so desperately wanted, I kind of don't know what to do with it because it still seems fake, like I dreamed it up. Like I'll tune in to next week's episode only to find that we just mass hallucinated the whole thing. I'm just not used to shows actually daring to give us the stories we've been begging to see for years.