#Else you end up with the three endings
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Something that is canon in my mind that I forget to tell people:
The reason why Steve can’t get bitches in his Scoops Ahoy era is because there’s a rumor going around that he’s gay (probably because someone caught him hooking up with Eddie)
#how else can you explain it???#he is so so babygirl#all the girls would be literally at his feet begging for this man to date them#unless… they think he’s trying to make them his beard#also with the lipgloss and mascara…#it just adds fuel to the fire#and think. if Steve and Eddie were hooking up before scoops in a fwb gone wrong or secret relationship gone wrong type of situation…#aka Steve catches feelings and runs because of internalized homophobia and a fear of getting caught#there could be a season three rewrite of Steve catching feelings for Robin because she reminds him of Eddie#and after Robin comes out to him#Steve’s like “oh. maybe there are more people like me in Hawkins than I imagined. if she deserves a happy ending with a girl#why can’t I get a happy ending with a guy?#and steve slowly is able to come to terms with his sexuality#meanwhile eddie seeks out Dustin and the kids who steve has ranted and raved about#but he plays it off as him happening to find lost sheep#lots of thoughts… lots of thoughts…#all thoughts to explain why Steve isn’t able to get bitches#steve harrington#steddie#stranger things#scoops ahoy steve#stranger things headcanons
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Roshan walks with the two Potts, gazing around at the fields and forests painted in warm colors by the setting sun. He remarks, "It is a lovely view from here."
Gazing outward, past the broken walls he had put up 20 years ago, Arthund nods and says, "Forgot. Forgot how... how pretty it all is."
I recently finished running an original oneshot for some friends, The Reaching Woods. It was a story about a little village surrounded by a big wall and the nearby forest's sudden overgrowth threatening to crush it all. It was also a story about blame and guilt.
Arthund Potts, when we met him, could barely speak at all. Too many years spent drinking and weeping. If he was even conscious he was all grunts and sloppy gestures. The scene above was at the end of the oneshot (okay, eighteenshot), once the party returned from the dark, evil woods.
#dungeons and dragons#dnd#dnd art#dnd character#not my character#roshan#aasimar#oneshot#the reaching woods#my first time DMing!#i couldn't find anything i wanted to run so i just made something up#oneshot starting with the saddest little village with the three saddest old people (and an old dog) around#started with my love of the “little village with a big secret” setup#almost certain it started with the general Feeling of that little village in An American Werewolf in London#nothing else in common but i just love that vibe you know#anyway#the joke with this campaign was it was going to end with The Greatest Fire Known to Faerun#and if they DID burn the evil woods down that I would then make them play a party of fire investigators trying to find out what happened LO#and it did end with a fire#but fortunately it did not spread throughout the forest#oh yeah there was also a sacrifice-happy cannibalistic frog kingdom#ANYWAY...#good job party#roshan's an aasimar btw#he's got this aureola around his head#imagine your little village being saved by an angel...................#though there was a tiefling in the party too so they canceled each other out#anyway....#this scene felt so emotionally satisfying
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daily reminder: Ochako had to make herself physically see the damage the villains and war created in order to forget the uneasy feeling she got when Himiko smiled sadly (+ all the things she thought when she saw her). She cant forget what she has done (because she doesnt like the destruction), but that doesnt mean she cant forgive her or that made her feel distance from her.
Izuku can't forgive what Shigaraki has done, and as far as we know, he doesn't need to remind himself of the pain; his empathy doesn't make him feel weird about reaching out to a villain, at least on its own.
Its not a copy paste of the same battle or story.
Himiko and Izuku make Ochako wonder about the concept of heroism and saving, the roles heroes and villains have, and they also have an impact on her behavior, ideals, and feelings for them and herself. Shigaraki's fate and the world around Izuku seems to make him wonder about his role as a savior, because he doesnt feel like he fulfilled it really, when it ended up with someone else dying. He finds in Ochako someone who would agree on ideals about saving others, and thats great on its own.
#grrr talking#togachako#togaocha#ochahimi#himichako#I can see how hori tried to make her part of the triangle with deku-shigaraki (?)#when the three met at the mall#but she isnt connected thru that anymore#bc she should be somewhere else#im on my knees I would cry if Ochako ended up like a normal girl with a normal love and a normal relationship#“but they are weird!” bc they are in that interpretation so heroic they would save villains?#yeah no they are weird bc izuku has his fucking crazy moments#and ochako thinks a cannibalistic villain looks all cute#do they match their freak? do you think they match their freak?#im sorry im stressed n when im stressed I tend to talk about why I dont want izu///ocha to happen dakjdadkasjdlka
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Okay, to try to explain why the Bad Batch finale is driving me crazy
Imagine if Rebels ended at season three. (Thought experiment time!)
Not that it got cancelled; no one is saying it was cancelled, everyone is saying that this is where they wanted to end that chapter. And the entire season plays out exactly the same as it did in the real world*. Zero Hour, exactly as is, ends up being the series finale.
And the initial reaction is, “Great! They’re alive! They made it out, no one else besides Ahsoka died, we’re so relieved,” except—
What about Lothal? We built up to trying to save Lothal even in the third season—are we really just forgetting about it? What about Ezra becoming a Jedi? The whole sequence with the Bendu was really cool, but what about that foreshadowing line he gave to Thrawn in the end? Where is that supposed to go? Why did we waste a whole episode on space whales? Why didn’t Ezra’s talent for connecting with animals ever go anywhere? What about the side episodes about the Rebel Alliance? The episodes in the season were very good on their own-in fact, a few might be close to the best episodes in the show—but because there’s no payoff and nothing goes anywhere, it all sort of falls apart. Kallus’s redemption arc was fine, but what’s he going to do now, or is he just going to feel bad about what he did? I’m glad they’re all alive and all, but that’s it? Theres no real victory except survival? Why did we spend multiple episodes in the temple on Lothal if that wasn’t going to go anywhere besides getting Ahsoka killed?
Speaking of, Ahsoka really died, and we never dealt with it? Thirty seconds of Ezra crying, everyone looking sad, a sorrowful look from Rex, then we never discuss it, and the only time she comes up is when we’re discussing her job as Fulcrum? It was ambiguous enough to begin with, then we never really got confirmation or any processing on screen at all. We had a whole episode for Ezra to process learning that his parents died, and we never even really met those characters! But nothing for Ahsoka? She’s a fan favorite, and she means so much to a lot of people in the audience. She seemed like she was Dave’s favorite, even! It’s not like her death affected anyone either—all the character motivation was driven either by Kanan’s blindness, the fallout with Maul, or Ezra being tempted by the holocron. It was noble and tragic, sure, but narratively, they just killed her for shock value. If she’s even supposed to be dead! We don’t know for sure!
So you’re thinking through all of that, trying to figure out what the hell happened here and how a show that was otherwise very good only resolved two or three subplots, none of which was the main one, never really dealt with a main character’s death, and never fully 100% resolved anyone’s character arc, all while the showrunners refuse to say that this is the last time we’ll see these characters and insist on using the word “chapter” to refer to the end. So you’ve got a sneaking suspicion that the story isn’t actually over, that there’s something weird going on, but you don’t know for sure, and you can’t just let things lie because it’s not that it’s just a bad ending, it’s that it’s bad in a particularly insane way that would come back around to being incredible if there ended up being any follow through for a series that was somehow 99% set up and no payoff.
Anyway, this is where I’m at with The Bad Batch right now.
* For the purposes of this thought experiment, we can add a except that there’s a little epilogue at the end—not the epilogue we actually got at the end of season four of Rebels, but an epilogue where a fifteen-year-older Ezra has a conversation with Hera (no one else, and no Jacen around, no sign that Jacen even exists) about needing to go do something, and then hopping into a ship that looks a bit like the Phantom and has little mementos from various members of the ghost crew family around. Ezra mentions Zeb, Sabine, and Chopper, so we at least know they’re alive, but he doesn’t mention anyone else, and neither does Hera. Something with Ahsoka’s fulcrum symbol is sitting on Ezra’s dashboard. We learn nothing about what anyone does in the meantime. It’s completely open.
#the bad batch#in which I attempt to explain my point#without feeling insane#this is a good show!#95% of the show is great season three included#it’s just that only two subplots go anywhere#and nothing else pays off#but in such a weird way that you can draw an outline#around the void of non-resolution at the end of the show#it’s SO carved out#I’m just#*biting biting biting biting*#should note that in this thought experiment season four of rebels still ended up happening somewhere
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i would like to know more about hn talon's feathery ailment ... is it their demonic nature clashing with the angelic blood that is resulting in their worsening condition ? is there a reason why it is specifically feathers / bird-likeness as opposed to anything else ( i.e. would other demons undergo similar transformations if they also got contaminated with angel blood ) ? can you share more about how you envision the progression and prognosis ? will it kill them or will there be some sort of final stage of their transformation ( whether that's a bad thing because it only gets worse and worse , or a good thing because maybe now that it is complete , they won't be in as much pain and discomfort 🥺 ) ? is it at all affected by whatever they're doing / thinking / feeling / experiencing ( tamagotchi talon ... ) ? what do they do to manage their condition ? does it make them self-conscious or feel badly about their physical appearance ?
"-But it looks like the angels ain't done with you."
I don't recommend that anyone ingests angel blood (good thing that's a difficult thing to do these days) but I wouldn't want to definitively say how it works for anyone else either. and I think it makes sense if talon isn't too sure either, with not meeting anyone else in a similar predicament as they (yet... will get to this later) but say if it were another angel Talon had attacked and drank the blood of, I believe they would still be having similar symptoms, as angels are quite feathery beings (varus with his arm of feathers, irelia with her wings and other choicely placed feathers.) But the particular angel they stole from has had a specific impact on just how the blood has changed them.
The reason for their worsening condition is because the blood has a powerful influence, like an undiluted acid. And it is so dramatic of an change because this influence is the polar opposite to their demonic existence. The more that Talon fights against the changes, the less symbiotic the blood and their demonic nature melds, the more violent and painful the experience is for them. And without any interference either with understanding or other experiences, I see it as a bitter, drawn-out struggle. Just wallowing in fatalism until Talon is nothing more than an unrecognisable pile of bile, blood, and feathers that tore itself apart...
Fortunately for them, the more Talon interacts with their rotting world and the people (and creatures) also struggling in it, the more they will come to terms with their own potential, and reflect on how they can be something more than what they once were. Learning that they don't have to let their worst action define their existence. More than just accepting what they did, and putting in the effort to understand emotions and how to be an active part of life, will mean they are not stubbornly fighting against their affliction. This will increase the speed of it's progression, but also be far less painful of an experience since they won't be actively fighting against it. When Talon is unable to call upon any of their demonic abilities anymore, the physical changes of the affliction will be complete, but they will continue to learn and better themself in an attempt to make up for all the wrong and pain they have caused in their existence. I can picture this happening in two or three decades time, in which there is no longer any hellfire, brimstone or summoned weapons. Talon is no longer a demon, but maybe by then they'll also know if the powers that be would accept a malformed, inexperienced, makeshift samaritan as a stand-in. But that's a hopeful thought, thinking they'll live that long.
Going back to the symptoms of the affliction. Previously, Talon's form was one of shadow and brimstone, and they were able to phase in and out of being corporeal at will. Over time, this ability has been weakened - only able to vanish as a shadow for a moment at a time. Brimstone skin was made brittle until it fell away to soft flesh, hollow bone, and hair. Feathers have begun sprouting through this softer skin too, mostly across their left shoulder, arm and chest, but are beginning to sprout along their throat too. Talon used to pull them out by hand, but has forfeited the fight. Back to the left arm, a sort of carapace has begun to form over their left hand, along the thumb's metacarpal and back of the hand in layers of grey ash and weathered gold. This and the growth of the feathers is very similar to Varus' - the angel in which Talon killed and drunk the blood of - own feathers and angelic arm. But without any of the matching powers, it is a far less grand sight.
Although still considerably hot to the touch, Talon's core temperature has drastically lowered compared to the past. Whatever organs of malice and bile a demon has have made way for a growth in their chest, helping pump the foul angelic blood and pesky emotions around their body routinely, and push out more of their demonic essence every day, little by little. With this, it has already made their demonic powers incredibly weakened. Previously Talon also used to be able to disintegrate bodies with a slice of their hellish blades, but they just do not run hot enough anymore. The final physical symptom are their eyes. Once filled with hellfire, it is far more likely nowadays to see their extinguished, golden-brown irises instead. It is slightly controllable with their emotional state, or when using their powers though.
In other ways, the blood has made Talon far more empathetic, given them a conscience. Troubled with how their actions will effect others now, the suffering and cruelty of the world has become a pain all it's own. Dulling the delight in spreading fear and even disturbing the once simple exchange of souls, Talon is often contemplating their next course of action instead of only giving thought to their best interests. And how their previous, often violent actions, have caused so much.
The agony and illness of coughing up feathers and demonic bile leaves talon haggard and frail. Getting sleep and relaxation would help the most, but with their paranoia it is difficult for them to find places to fully lower their guard and properly rest. Talon's tried to get a room in the crossroad saloon before, but it's... never really worked out (Gragas doesn't let them). Hating and damning the ailment only makes it worse, since it's basically like trying to separate themself from something that has already been mixed in. Feathers get stuck in their many teeth, skin itches from keratin growing in. Fatigue and sensitivity to their own heartbeat. Talon tries their best to hide the majority of their symptoms. Their coughs and exhaustion are the most obvious.
For how the changed made by the affliction is making talon feel... I'm going to paraphrase from a previous message;
I say its dysmorphic but the more I think about it, it's also… having your health decline and your body changing along with it, at least with talons perspective right now since they're losing their demonic powers. dysphoric in the way that they're still holding on to the thought that this isn't what they're supposed to be, they're Supposed to be a being of shadow and hellfire not flesh and bone, let alone feathers and sympathy. so I want it to be much more about accepting that this is their body now moreso than finding a way to reverse the changes. That it's okay to change with age and wisdom as you open yourself up more to the world.
At this time, Talon misses being completely monstrous, of being frightening and having that implicit respect. They feel weaker than they really are because they continue to compare themself to the long-gone height of their power, and because their new physical changes make them feel vulnerable. Being constantly exhausted also doesn't help with any of this. Beyond this though, the only other thing they don't like about these changes is just that; it's different. The uncanny features still don't feel like that that's who they are, and there is this disconnect when others react to them, or comment on their looks.
poses I don't know, maybe Talon just needs some sort of big motivation to no longer see this affliction as a curse, but as an opportunity to be more than a demon that skulks in the shadows. And some encouragement that yes, that is in fact a good thing. Maybe like an ultimatum of some sorts.
#‡ ask#‡ the end is comin' for us all | high noon#windchaser#and talon tries to share nothing of any of this <3 keep it nice and secret#'maybe like an ultimatum or smth' the words of someone with three seasons and a musical retelling in their brain#i would like to think i answered everything. not concisely. but-#if you need clarification on anything or wanna know anything else lmk...#ive been wanting to draw up talons previous form(s?) for a while now#they call me the yapper because i be going ON AND ON AND ON#thank you for asking mars ! i love getting my thoughts and thinkings about things out there instead of just rotting away in my mind palace#i am not sure what to tag this as but if it makes anyone too uncomfortable lmk ill sort out a tag#long post /#body horror /#ask to tag /
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what is your favorite thing about charles and your favorite thing about erik? separately, as in what you like most about their characters :]
a devious question this one is, my friend!!! it's hard enough for me to explain my thoughts cohesively, but having to pick ONE thing i particularly love is difficult. with characters like charles and erik, theres been so much done with their characters over the decades and so they have so many components to them that make them so interesting and fun to observe. BUT I TRY FOR YOU TODAY. under the cut i kinda ramble and the size of this text box makin me anxious
i think if i were to be simple and broad, what i enjoy most about charles is his determination to help others, even if he isn't really thanked and/or if people don't even like him. ofc, this isn't to say he hasn't done wrong- to be honest, the fact he does wrong/questionable things at times is another aspect of him i really enjoy, maybe because- broadly speaking- he's meant to be altruistic (intent vs outcome and all that). i don't know if that's super exciting to most people, but it is for me
as for erik, my reason for liking him is easier to explain tbh. To Be Simple And Broad, his progression from villain to antihero over the decades has been fun to observe (as much as i have so far anyhow) and analyze. i think to be a bit more specific, him using his rage and pain as justifications for his villainous actions is definitely what compels me the most: hurt people hurt and the sort, an idea i've always found interesting (something something vicious cycles and the like). yet now, he recognizes this wasn't really. A Just Thing To Do and is beginning to change that, which i enjoy
#snap chats#may you forgive me anon i always feel awkward explaining things AVELKJEAKLJ#i feel esp awkward cause i haven't read toooo much of the comics yet- like ive read. an ok amount so far krakoa wise#can you guys tell im fighting god himself to Not write a fuckin. NOVEL#im so sorry i have an over-explaining problem my mom was mean to me growing up but anyways#i definitely want to read more and more outside krakoa. the more i read the more im fascinated by these two and their history#but to continue my prattling. as if the three paragraphs above arent enough This Is Not A Thesis RELAX#i think a. 'poignant' moment i think adds to what i like about charles too is that soliloquy where he recognizes people dont like him#yet he could always be worse- like if he's bad now to others imagine if he really just said Fuck It All#it's simple but so am i whaddyagonnadoboutit. i mean that point itself could be discussed but i'm trying to keep this brief bear with me#i so bad want to know what issue that's from tho all i know is that it's from krakoa but i neeeed the whole context#i think like. an additional bullet point to charles i also like is his loneliness#and i say this cause- I Say From My Amateur-Psychology Armchair- it's a component of why he's so earnest to help#but im keeping this point in the tags until i can confidently verify that with myself after some more reading#Unfortunately a favorite pass time of mine is psychoanalyzing characters like why else you think i major in psychology smh#im going to force myself to cap the post here because i ended up typing like 20 more tags just rambling#and as i said id like to keep this simple and clean !!!!! i have sat here for like four hours answering this ngl#ignore the fact half that time was spent getting distracted by solitaire and riffling cards ok I Am Very Easily Distracted#but fr when it comes to charles and erik- charles esp imo#i feel like i need to write a whole paper just so i can mention the nuances of the characters and like. EVERYTHING#because again six decades is A Lot of time for writing decisions to be made and for their characters to change over time#im a glazer but i wanna be a nuanced glazer yk. is that glazing at that point-- w/e anyway#its a lot. so today you will have to tolerate a very Blah answer from me which i must apologize for#down the line once ive read a comfortable amount more varying from multiple eras maybe ill revisit this question more in depth#as of right now tho .... chat i wanna get legion of x so bad i skimmed it and hhhhhhhhim gonna throw UP#i need to shake charles like a ragdoll BUT ANYWAY. bye bye for now lovelies !!!!!!!#please forgive me if i didnt answer your question efficiently ..#here i am saying i wanted to keep the tag count brief and yet !!! jesus christ. shut up My God I REACHED THE TAG LIMIT
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I love how all of the companions' stories revolve around autonomy and I love how some of the romances show the whole "I love you for who you are"
Don't love how so many people are misinterpreting them though
#i think the romances thing really applies to wyll astarion and gale#wyll romance means you see beyond mizora and the half devil thing later#astarion romance means you see beyond the sexy facade and you prove to him that he doesnt need to perform for you to love him#gale romance is him getting over and understanding that mystra was never going to care about him like that#and that he doesnt need divinity to be loved#he's lovable as he is#anyway i feel my 'fuck mystra' feelings coming up again#bg3#baldur's gate 3#baldur's gate three#baldur's gate 3 spoilers#baldur's gate three spoilers#bg3 spoilers#i dont know if lae'zels romance works for this but i know that she figures out kindness along the way#i really hope they fix karlach's quest we're allowed to save everyone else#i saw someone compare her and gale and yeah sure it works#i tend to compare her and astarion more though#and its a little upsetting that karlach doesn't get the freedom she wants so hopefully larian patches that#astarion might not get the freedom to walk in the sun on the 'good ending' but he's free of cazador and he can finally choose for himself#and seeing as he's not dead and how he's been a vampire for around 196 years (not over 200 yet) there are still ways to help him#harder for karlach because either she dies and ashes are all thats left she goes back to avernus or shes a mind flayer#also its arguable easier to live in the shadows/underdark than it is in literal Hell#easier to reach him too
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if starstruck Dee gets a comically large bow then Marc should have the comically large eyelashes
i was actually thinking that they both already have bows and eyelashes. consider: the ol' switcheroo
#starstruck is just like... nooo... not my recognisable silhouette...!!! anything but that!!#even though she usually has lashes the big dark ones look so silly on her?! 😂 marx would definitely share some falsies with her#this is the second marx of the shipaganza because i ended up without time to get to my more complex option today 😭#tomorrow will also most likely be a bust as i have a big appointment and will be away. sorry!! doing my best tho!!#but i think if folks LIKE one of the suggested pairings/ships you could suggest more and it'll just be... well. more votes for them!#this is not *actually* a tourney. tho i suppose it... it COULD be?! but like... it'd be a bandee sweep almost certainly. so.#although actually there is someone else who has currently been suggested *three times*!! surprise underdog. anyway!#🎀💖#<- also gonna start adding this as the tag just so folks can find all entries easily on my blog. or block it! that's important too.#my art#marx (kirby)#starstruck dee#asks
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Besides the intense drinking culture of both the Gallaghers and the general south side, the addiction gene from his parents you can never escape. A major, the near sole contributing factor of lips alcoholism is from college. He is almost entirely isolated. He is a first generation college student (high school was easy, it was nothing. He’s never done this before.) He’s from a “low income family”. Everyone else grew up “comfortably” (read: rich). He doesn’t know anyone and doesn’t have a way to connect, it’s near impossible when you’re different, you have these fundamentally different backgrounds and childhood experiences. But parties? Drinking? That’s what he can do, what everyone can do. And so he does. And then he just doesn’t stop. Why would he? It’s normal, it’s comfortable, it’s connecting, everyone loves a good party, that he can do. It feels like the only thing he knows.
#I don’t know how to end this. I just.#Idek if this makes sense !!#I think abt him a lot ok !!#he did not have the luxury of Instagram to connect him. I start college this fall. I’ve met 30-40 people alone and I’ve only visited campus#three times now. once for an interview. every year someone makes an Instagram page to post bios to meet people.#you end up following everyone from that. I just.#do you get what I mean.#god I need a smoke#I have something else I’m writing too I just.#losing it !!#I might come back to this later. with more thoughts.#I don’t wanna say he’s misunderstood but well. I don’t think everyone’s been the token smart kid. doing everything your siblinfs your#parents never could do. never wanted to do.#do you know how frustrating it is to be friends with people who grew up in different tax brackets than you?#I think lip was placed in gifted and talented programs and no one ever told him.#some I knew some I didn’t find out about until I graduated during rehearsal you get a bunch of documents and your record
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people (the rest of the hanza. not including geralt) often forget that cahir was 1. the guy that kidnapped ciri 2. an officer in the military
he’s literally so polite in geralt’s company you wouldn’t even guess he was the black knight. and yet. and yet.
i’m never certain exactly how to reconcile this tactful and strategic mind with the terrified young man
#geralt never forgot but everyone else (maybe also except dandelion) was like ?? but ?? friend ?? friendship????#i imagine him barking an order to dandelion once and dandelion straightened up and obeyed#opposite of when cahir was looking over dandelions shoulder lol#maybe joke but#in my idea where angouleme goes missing . geralt is like. what do you think we should do#cahir’s like why me. geralt’s like. well. she’s ciri-shaped#milva enacting clemency for cahir after geralt chases regis away is fantastic#regis saved you from the noose and you’ve chased him away. thats your business. but but cahir saved me. so we’re comrades >:(#geralt seething he’s going to kill him and then like nooo i can’t kill him idk why …#when cahir joined the rivian forces 😭😭 because he in no way resembled a civilian#each of the company members have insane backstories they really are the PCs of the d&d campaign#and angouleme is the one npc they pick up and adopt into the company and defend to the end#so we’re looking for this guy’s daughter he’s bound to her by destiny#this guy kidnapped said daughter but he said sorry for it later#milva worked with dryads to kill people and regis is a vampire that drank people#and this guy is famous like beyoncé#angouleme: [sniffs] ‘kay#the elbow-high diaries#i need her to keep regis humble bc regis is like dont worry i dont bite people 🥹 and shes like yeah ok dont care either way#geralt is like oh hell do not explain to her all of this again. we spent too much time on this already last book#you know you are the reason we have three stars on goodreads#regis like i know… 🙂 if i wasn’t here you’d snag us zero…
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schrödinger’s gc favorite
#somehow he’s both too injured to possibly put up a fight and also automatically the favorite bc he won the last two years#like if you listen to cycling twitter we should expect the exact same form as last year but he’s also in no state to ride the tour at all#meanwhile he’s just doing his training and reconning the galibier and paying no attention to any of the nonsense god bless#user etapereine get off twitter challenge failed again#like i know nuance and middle ground are foreign concepts on twitter in general but good lord#will he be in the form he was last year? probably not#will he be in such terrible form that he falls out of gc in week one and ends up working for matteo? also probably no#my bet? he’ll lose some time in week one but then make at least some of it up in the mountains in week three#whether he can make up enough in week three to still win is unknown and depends just as much on what everyone else does#but expecting twitter to use things like reason and common sense is a lost cause so whatever
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We were seated by the fire, as just now described, and Miss Havisham still had Estella’s arm drawn through her own, and still clutched Estella’s hand in hers, when Estella gradually began to detach herself. She had shown a proud impatience more than once before, and had rather endured that fierce affection than accepted or returned it.
“What!” said Miss Havisham, flashing her eyes upon her, “are you tired of me?”
“Only a little tired of myself,” replied Estella, disengaging her arm, and moving to the great chimney-piece, where she stood looking down at the fire.
“Speak the truth, you ingrate!” cried Miss Havisham, passionately striking her stick upon the floor; “you are tired of me.”
Estella looked at her with perfect composure, and again looked down at the fire. Her graceful figure and her beautiful face expressed a self-possessed indifference to the wild heat of the other, that was almost cruel.
“You stock and stone!” exclaimed Miss Havisham. “You cold, cold heart!”
“What?” said Estella, preserving her attitude of indifference as she leaned against the great chimney-piece and only moving her eyes; “do you reproach me for being cold? You?”
“Are you not?” was the fierce retort.
“You should know,” said Estella. “I am what you have made me. Take all the praise, take all the blame; take all the success, take all the failure; in short, take me.”
“O, look at her, look at her!” cried Miss Havisham, bitterly; “Look at her, so hard and thankless, on the hearth where she was reared! Where I took her into this wretched breast when it was first bleeding from its stabs, and where I have lavished years of tenderness upon her!”
“At least I was no party to the compact,” said Estella, “for if I could walk and speak, when it was made, it was as much as I could do. But what would you have? You have been very good to me, and I owe everything to you. What would you have?”
“Love,” replied the other.
“You have it.”
“I have not,” said Miss Havisham.
“Mother by adoption,” retorted Estella, never departing from the easy grace of her attitude, never raising her voice as the other did, never yielding either to anger or tenderness, “Mother by adoption, I have said that I owe everything to you. All I possess is freely yours. All that you have given me, is at your command to have again. Beyond that, I have nothing. And if you ask me to give you what you never gave me, my gratitude and duty cannot do impossibilities.”
“Did I never give her love!” cried Miss Havisham, turning wildly to me. “Did I never give her a burning love, inseparable from jealousy at all times, and from sharp pain, while she speaks thus to me! Let her call me mad, let her call me mad!”
“Why should I call you mad,” returned Estella, “I, of all people? Does any one live, who knows what set purposes you have, half as well as I do? Does any one live, who knows what a steady memory you have, half as well as I do? I who have sat on this same hearth on the little stool that is even now beside you there, learning your lessons and looking up into your face, when your face was strange and frightened me!”
“Soon forgotten!” moaned Miss Havisham. “Times soon forgotten!”
“No, not forgotten,” retorted Estella. “Not forgotten, but treasured up in my memory. When have you found me false to your teaching? When have you found me unmindful of your lessons? When have you found me giving admission here,” she touched her bosom with her hand, “to anything that you excluded? Be just to me.”
“So proud, so proud!” moaned Miss Havisham, pushing away her grey hair with both her hands.
“Who taught me to be proud?” returned Estella. “Who praised me when I learnt my lesson?”
“So hard, so hard!” moaned Miss Havisham, with her former action.
“Who taught me to be hard?” returned Estella. “Who praised me when I learnt my lesson?”
“But to be proud and hard to me!” Miss Havisham quite shrieked, as she stretched out her arms. “Estella, Estella, Estella, to be proud and hard to me!”
Estella looked at her for a moment with a kind of calm wonder, but was not otherwise disturbed; when the moment was past, she looked down at the fire again.
“I cannot think,” said Estella, raising her eyes after a silence “why you should be so unreasonable when I come to see you after a separation. I have never forgotten your wrongs and their causes. I have never been unfaithful to you or your schooling. I have never shown any weakness that I can charge myself with.”
“Would it be weakness to return my love?” exclaimed Miss Havisham. “But yes, yes, she would call it so!”
“I begin to think,” said Estella, in a musing way, after another moment of calm wonder, “that I almost understand how this comes about. If you had brought up your adopted daughter wholly in the dark confinement of these rooms, and had never let her know that there was such a thing as the daylight by which she had never once seen your face—if you had done that, and then, for a purpose had wanted her to understand the daylight and know all about it, you would have been disappointed and angry?”
Miss Havisham, with her head in her hands, sat making a low moaning, and swaying herself on her chair, but gave no answer.
“Or,” said Estella, ”—which is a nearer case—if you had taught her, from the dawn of her intelligence, with your utmost energy and might, that there was such a thing as daylight, but that it was made to be her enemy and destroyer, and she must always turn against it, for it had blighted you and would else blight her;—if you had done this, and then, for a purpose, had wanted her to take naturally to the daylight and she could not do it, you would have been disappointed and angry?”
Miss Havisham sat listening (or it seemed so, for I could not see her face), but still made no answer.
“So,” said Estella, “I must be taken as I have been made. The success is not mine, the failure is not mine, but the two together make me.”
Great Expectations, ch. 38
#I read an abridged version when I was like 8 and could not get over it#her bit about daylight and love!! almost a Plato’s Cave element to it#this time around I was hit by the last line —#’the success is not mine the failure is not mine but the two together make me’#like why should she be surprised??#and still Estella is kind in the way she can be to Miss Havisham!! still at the end of the chapter she warns Pip!#she warns him over and over#and she says ‘I deceive and entrap all men but you’#like!!!!#A child brought up in darkness with beetles gathered on the floor#taught poison day in and day out#and she even says!! that Miss Havisham frightened her! from which I think that some part of her reared against the unnatural education#GOSH#this GIRL#from two or three years old brought into a terrifying woman’s care#when she knew love beforehand#to have it drained out of you#cruelness nurtured in you day after day#and like!!! She’s still somehow kind!! in her way#because she tells Pip over and over#she chooses Drummle because that way she can’t hurt anyone else#she’s been raised in such an evil manner#and Miss Havisham crying ‘what have I done’ over and over once she realizes#GUYS the Victorians!!! no one does it better#Great Expectations#Miss Havisham#Estella Havisham
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if God didn't want me to keep getting in random strangers' cars, he wouldn't have made it so consistently rewarding for me
#like idk every time i walk into a situation like 'i may get murdered now' it ends up turning out great#today the sketchy hotel i got a room at alone in a city i only kinda know was overbooked#so they said 'hey we got you somewhere else no worries our maintenance guy will drive you there'#and i go 'okay!' and then forget to so much as ask the address of the place I'm being taken until i am in the back of his car already#and then it turned out great and he took me to an airbnb that DEFINITELY would have cost like three times as nuch given the location#moral of the story- always talk to strangers and get in their cars you will have a fun adventure
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had an absolute shit day at work, got off of work, remembered lando and oscar’s beef, almost started crying, went on twitter, saw that they ate mcdonalds and played monopoly on the plane back to monaco, almost started crying again, no longer feel like shit thank you and goodnight
#no bc my day at work was lowkey terribleeeee 😍😍😍😍#had TWO people call and yell at me and the first one was literally so bad that my bosses and everyone else that works there was APPALLED#when they read the transcript of the call and said it was one of the worst calls they’ve ever seen#i’ve worked here for literally five days and three of those werent even me actually working and answering calls#so anyway that was cute but they all said i handled the situation well so there’s THAT#which. realized how much i actually cannot handle praise because i still feel a bit weird about that#anyway#got off work and then had literally twenty minutes to myself where i actually could be alone with my thoughts#and OBVIOUSLY ended up thinking of landoscar like any normal person would#and then got incredibly sad and felt a pit of despair in my chest#and then went on twitter and saw the article saying that they’re fine#so like. i no longer feel like actually blowing my brains out#at least until i think about landos radios and then i want to die again but what can you do#anyway. i have to be up at 8:30am so i will very much be going to sleep soon because i am Tired#and i really hope i don’t uave to deal with that entire situation again at work tomorrow because there’s a chance i will lol#lacey talks
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We rlly don’t need another majima game 😭 please give other characters a chance he already had the spotlight in 0😔
lord if i speak on goro majima.
#snap chats#my last nerve was seeing him front and center on that Three Legends shirt with daigo and saejima im SICK OF HIM#what do you MEAN the Sixth Chairman is backseating majima. like thats his retainer PUT DAIGO UP FRONT#it aint even bias its gen just like. why is the sixth chairman not treated the most important. thats The Chairman of the whole shit#EX chairman whatever we know what i mean#'snap its just a shirt' and these are just my balls alright its all the little things that are like Dawg Cmon#i woulda got the shirt cause it looks like somethign youd get from claires and thats hilarious However ... im annoying.#ill say this then play y0 and be like Ah..... i love you...#fr tho im sick of him GO AWAY YOU ARE NOT THAT GUY#im that meme of spiderman holding back the train and the trains saying mean things about majima#this ire is only brought by rggtwt mates insisting majima needs any more content. like at all.#they gave majima a y0 statue but as far as i can see kiryu doesnt have one like What.#ik i say id skip y0 kiryu if i could during replays and its never that serious but still .... the hell...#my brother in christ majima does not need any more why are you acting starved#i get it hes your fave but my god. goku this trains heavier than i thought i cant do it#ive had beef with rggtwt ever since they tried to say majima was more important to kiryu than haruka. like brb eating a cactus#rgg making gaiden was the worst thing they couldve done cause now everyone wont stop mentioning charas getting a gaiden game#MAJIMA OF ALL OF THEM DOES NOT NEED ONE MFER THATS WHAT Y0 WAS FOR. WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT#THEY GAVE HIM AN EXTRA STORY IN YK2 ALSO LIKE RGG IS DOING THE MOST FOR A SIDE CHARACTER#anyway this is why im happy saejima and akiyama are getting figures. ESPECIALLY AKIYAMA#I FEEL LIKE WE NEVER SEE SHIT OF THAT GUY and saejima. tbh. but still ... akiyama esp just feels left out#big hope other charas start to get more love. like my daughter haruka ok rgg plesae drop one of her idol statues thank you#on a lighter note september is almost upon us which means two things#1.) i have to move back to school at the end of the month 2.) rgg news is soon .....#SOOO curious as to what's on the horizon .. maybe ill stream it for the first time in nine thousand years#ok bye im gonna eat cereal <- diced spam and rice
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A lot of the kids I teach like Kimetsu no Yaiba so I kinda wanna watch it so I'm familiar with it but also I watched some street interviews with Japanese people about anime and it's the most commonly-given answer to the question "what's the most overrated anime?"
#nutcracker nihongo#i still need to catch up on pokemon but then i'll need something else to watch#idk if i'll finish jujutsu kaisen bc i know how s2 ends and i don't want it lmao#so i'm watching takashi's interviews and noting underrated animes that sound interesting#if y'all have any recommendations then by all means tell me!#not one piece or naruto or dragon ball or jojo though#the first three are just too long and i cba (also i tried getting into one piece and just. couldn't. sorry)#and jojo i know nothing about other than its fanbase is fucking insufferable and it's put me off watching it forever#sorry if you're a jojo fan don't take it personally#tbh one piece fanbase is also insufferable. 'i don't like one piece' 'FUCK YOU THERE'S A REASON IT'S THE BEST ANIME OF ALL TIME' jeeez#i still have 20+ episodes of pokemon to catch up on though so no rush to find anything
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