#Elden Ring incorrect quotes

[arx-aru]

Loretta, bleeding out: Malenia- Finlay: she asleep Loretta: Okay well her daughter- Finlay: she has a daughter???? Loretta: Yes she looks just like her and- Finlay: oh my god we have a daughter Loretta: AND SHE TRIED TO KILL ME. Finlay: and i'm so proud of her! Loretta: Finlay: you- you didn't kill her did you? Loretta: No. Finlay: then where- Loretta: She turned into a flower before I could. Finlay: oh... Loretta: Finlay: well i guess we should pot her Loretta: Finlay: what Loretta: She. Tried. To. Kill. Me. And my horse. Finlay: yeah i hear you but do you think she's full sun or half sun. how much should we water her. do you think normal soil will be okay

[art-from-within]

Morgott to Mohg: Brother! I am trying to hunt down the tarnished, but I am dummy thicc and the clap of my asscheeks keep alerting them

[incorrectsmashbrosquotes]

People playing Elden Ring and looking for the "good" demigod to root for are missing the point. Pick your favorite mass murdering war criminal megalomaniac with mommy issues and endlessly simp for them like the rest of us, cowards.

[catcas22]

Loretta: Princess, don't ever court a redhead. Ranni: Why not? Loretta: The women in your family never could act right around a toxic ginger. There's your mother, your aunt, your great-grandmother who wed a fire giant and now everyone in your family smacks their heads on doorframes... Ranni: I see your point.

Much, much later...

Ranni: Tarnished, why in heaven's name are you still here? Ranni: ... Oh. Oh gods. Ranni: I'm the toxic ginger!

[incorrect-hs-quotes]

JUNE: i am the WORLDS PRETTIEST PINK PRINCESS and im gonna KILL YOU WITH MY HUGE HAMMER

[an-apowell]

Bloody rebirth. Original post

[caitlynskitten]

Wenclair post coitus

Wednesday: Where are you going?

Enid: I’m…. Just gonna get water!

Wednesday: There’s water bottles here.

Enid:

Enid: Oh right.

Wednesday: Ugh are you going to go play your video game again?

Enid: IM THIS CLOSE TO BEATING MELANIA OKAY?!

Wednesday: Fine I’ll let you go.

Enid: Aww thanks babe-

Wednesday: On one condition.

The raven gets up and gets her 12 inch strap out and it on.

Wednesday: You’re sitting on me while you play.

Enid: Uh, babe I love you but I need to focus-

Wednesday: Or no fucking for an entire month.

Enid: Okay so do you want to bend me over or do you want me to sit on you?

[orcusnoir]

*Four and Vaati fighting once again*

Vaati: The world of Elden Ring is rotten.

Four: What?

Vaati: the Outer God of Rot had infected one of the twins of King-Consort Radagon and Queen Marika.

Four: Who-Who the fuck is that?

Vaati: King-Consort Radagon had gifted the Rennala an amber egg, which she uses to "rebirth" the juvenile scholars. It also allows us, the Tarnished, to respec our stats.

Four: WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?

Vaati: The Three Fingers embrace us, and gift us the Flame of Frenzy.

Four: F-fingers???

Vaati: In truth, we're actually feeding her the inflamed eyes of those infected with Frenzy.

Four: EYES? YOU'RE FEEDING SOMEONE EYES??

Vaati: Though Hyetta seems disgusted at first, she goes right back to eating them.

Four, getting frustrated: WHAT? WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE? WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?

Vaati: Morgott and Mohg, both born royal Omens, were locked in the sewers under Leyndell by their own mother, Queen Marika.

Four, in tears now: WHO IS LOCKING PEOPLE IN THE SEWERS?

Vaati: Stick around, because next week I have a new Prepare to Cry video coming out, so be sure to check that out

Four, sobbing in utter confusion: WHY WAIT? I'M ALREADY CRYING! WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? WHY ARE YOU SAYING IT? WHAT IS GOING ON?!

[knomelooking]

Take this and do as you please. Sincerely my brother and I. Speaking about Elden Ring and Baldurs Gate 3.

[marcus--666]

Mohg, driving and singing to the Little Einsteins theme song: We’re going on a trip-

Varre: In our favorite piece of shit!

Baku: Doing 95!

Morgott: We’re gonna fucking die!

Morgott: Where art thou going? Mohg: To either get ice cream or commit a felony. I'll decide on the way.

Morgott: Whom wouldst thou kill out of the four of us, Raine?

Raine: Varre, easily.

Varre, incredulous: What the fuck, man.

Raine: Well, Baku would be too easy. He’d probably be into it.

Baku, now standing in the doorway: What the fuck, man!?

Baku: When I first got my autism diagnosis, my first thought was “woah… it’s canon” and I think that maybe thoughts like that is why Raine made me get tested.

Morgott: H-how doth thee asketh someone out?

Baku: Well, first-

Varre: Don't ask him, he asked me out in a McDonalds parking lot.

Morgott: …And thou accepted?

Varre: Hey, can we stay in your palace tonight?

Raine: Why?

Varre: Baku fiddled with an ouija board and cursed ours.

Varre: Lord Mohg doesn't know how to banish spirits, so he just threw salt at them and yelled "DOES THIS LOOK LIKE A HOTEL TO YOU?!"

Raine: WHOEVER CAUSED THIS MESS IS GOING TO-

Morgott: Twas I…

Raine: …Is going to be forgiven because everyone deserves a second chance.

Raine, walks into the kitchen, ignoring everyone :

Baku: Hey, Raine, how was your day?

Raine picks up an onion and bites into it, staring at Baku: Hell.

Morgott, watching this unfold, whispers: Who hurt thee?

Baku, Raine & Mohg: *screaming*

Varre, runs into the room: What's wrong, my Lord Mohg?!

Baku: Wait, why are you asking Mohg that when Raine and I are also here?

Varre: Because Lord Mohg wouldn't scream unless it's an emergency. You two scream whenever you have the chance.

Mohg: The waiter at Olive Garden has been grating my cheese for 6 hours now, waiting for me to say when. Customers are screaming. Three people have died.

Mohg: I will not yield.

Varre: I'm not that stupid! Baku: Varre, you literally ate the wax from a babybel.

Varre: LORD MOHG TOLD ME IT WAS EDIBLE!

Baku, looks at Raine: Baby boy. Baby. Baku, looks at Varre: Evil.

Morgott, holding a rock: Raine gaveth this to me and hath said "I feeleth like thee des'rve the moon but all I can giveth thee is a rock"

Mohg: If you don't marry him, I will.

Raine: Why is Varre crying on the floor?

Mohg: He's drunk.

Raine: And?

Mohg: He saw a picture of Baku's husband.

Raine: But he's Baku's husband.

Mohg: I know.

[arx-aru]

Malenia:

Finlay: i-

Malenia:

Finlay: i would cross continents for you. i would carry you across them. the depths of my devotion-

Maleigh Marais: HEY QUEEN I COLLECTED YOUR OLD PROSTHETICS UWU

Finlay:

Malenia:

Elemer: I would stab him for you?

[art-from-within]

Radagon: oh SORRY i fell a sleep while i was waiting on you to make me a sandwich

Marika: go back to sleep and s t a r v e

[incorrectsmashbrosquotes]

*The final battle is here. Miquella and his puppet against the Tarnished*

*Puppet-Radahn seizes the Tarnished, lifting them up to Miquella. Miquella reaches forward for their heart*

Miquella: I promise you, a thousand year voyage, guided by-

*There's a blast of blue light, burning Miquella's hand and throwing the Tarnished from his grip. Astonished, Miquella looks up... and sees that the moon is somehow, impossibly, in the sky, shinning*

???: My apologies, dearest brother.

*there's a shimmering blue light as a figure appears behind where the Tarnished kneels*

Ranni: But their heart is not thine to steal.

Radahn, SOMETHING breaking through the brainwashing: Sis...ter?

*The Tarnished rises, eyes blazing behind their helm, the Darkmoon Greatsword shining with light. the place where their heart lies iss glowing with moonlight*

Ranni: My dear Consort, eternal. This is mine charge.

*Ranni rises above the battlefield, hovering above and behind the Tarnished, framed by the full moon's light, it's baleful eye turned on those who would be Gods and Consorts*

Ranni: Free mine brothers, Mohg and Radahn both. Strike now, my beloved.

*Miquella shakes his head sadly and tightens his grip on Radahn. The momentary clarity in Radahn's eyes fades, and he roars, summoning up his power. The Tarnished brandishes the Darkmoon Greatsword in one hand, the Carian Regal Scepter in the other, and the place over their heart shines with their Lady's love. Earned, not forced*

*The battle is joined once more, Purple and Blue, Gold and White. Sun and Moon. Ranni and Miquella*

[catcas22]

Tarnished: You must be Ranni the Witch, behind the Night of the Black Knives.

Ranni: Indeed, I am the witch Ranni. Quite the sleuth, aren't we?

Tarnished: Not really. I've been asking that question to every woman I've met since I spoke with Rogier.

_____________

Sellen: ... Yes, you've guessed it. Curses, I can't fool you. I am indeed Ranni the Witch. Now, if you'll hand over those Academy Keys...

_____________

Fia: *Silently shaking with rage.*

_____________

Millicent: *Spiraling with the realization that she can't remember where she was on the Night of the Black Knives.*

[incorrect-hs-quotes]

FEFERI: [Seas Aradia]

FEFERI: O)( my glub! Are you dead?

ARADIA: 0f c0rpse 

ARADIA: s0mebody said they will beat my ass because 0f this j0ke. grave mistake 0u0

[an-apowell]

Mohg: So, your brother is a snake-

Radahn: Eaten by a snake.

Mohg: Your father is a snake-

Radahn: Divorced my mom to marry Queen Marika

Mohg: My statement still stands, and your sister is a doll-

Radahn: She's a bitch. And a literal doll.

Mohg: We'll swing back to the bitch part later, but she shed her skin?

Radahn: ...Sure.

Mohg: Forget the Lunar Royals, you guys are all Snake-themed. Ah... Do you have anything snakely?

Radahn: I can unhinge my jaw completely.

Mohg, taken aback: I... I hope you don't lead with that as the first thing in your casual conversation.

Radahn: You're the first person I told outside my family.