#Either way forever learning
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my-au-worlds · 1 month ago
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Wilson Fisk
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Taken from Flashback - Amazing Spider-Man #Minus 1 (Story 1)
Editor:Ralph Macchio Writer:Tom DeFalco Pencils:Joe Bennett Inker:Bud LaRosa July 1997
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coolnonsenseworld · 1 month ago
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A little promo with my little obsession on the side...........
Reminder all items are shipped from Poland - for details on shipping times check out FAQ or send me a private message!
 mmezzy.bigcartel.com
#klance#halloween au#im projecting on the internet my own impostor syndrome#i feel that im awful and should be learning how to draw instead of writing shitty fics#and when i want to write a post and share a little doodle or smth - 'sorry' is right between the lines and its so frustrating#like???? nobody probably cares#im either here or im not#and if i need to finish that little abomination of a fic then so be it you'd think people wouldnt mind too much#and would still want to listen to my captions and see whatever silly doodle however silly it is as long as its true#..............but what if its all redundant#what if i cant draw after i had to flip my entire routine upside down#and will forever chase a thrill of feeling like a prolific artist and it will be always out of reach now#what if people scroll past my art and feel nothing now#what if world is filled with people who kinda hate klance but stay out of reflex and not bc its their deeply routed source of comfort#what if i reached an artistic plateau and will never be good enough#what if this is the limit of my 'talent'#what if i will forever love the projects i want to share but will always hate the execution of it wanting to fix it fix it fix it learn mor#i keep reading the little notes i get on orders#some screenshots i saved#i find good words and opinions and love letters to art as a whole#and i feel insufficient#subpar#i drew a comic about it to an old poem and still havent finished it#there is a point of trying your best when it stops feeling like a challenge and feels like a failure#its the moment where you keep going of course#and yet#there are emotions im sure nobody shares on social media bc we just try to get through them#but who else will take it better than tumblr tags#either way if im less around its because im dealing with creational self-hatred and artistic ambitions#but on the other hand arent all artists like that? i ran out of tag space btw have an awesome weekend
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ganondoodle · 8 months ago
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1 year since i got scammed by nintedno leaving me forever yearning for a game we will never get and an extreme worry for the future
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torahtot · 1 month ago
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you can always tell when someone doesn't have maga men in their life and god it makes me angry.. "if you're nice and compassionate you can be the one woman that makes them realize women aren't mean!" my mom bent over backwards for my dad for 25 fucking years he has plenty of other women kissing his ass and it never changed anything. do you really think that before being radicalized they never knew a single kind woman? they were never friends with a nice girl? alt-right men's problem with women isn't just that they've experienced too many mean women and they need to be shown that women can be nice, it's that they think women are inferior and don't deserve rights and don't understand anything so you can do what you want with them. and it takes a lot more than being nice to show someone that you aren't inferior. this isn't a case of being nice even when it's hard for the sake of deradicalization, it's about spending every fucking interaction with someone trying to get them to see you as a human being with value and a functioning intellect while they just laugh and show you that's never going to happen.
i cannot stress this enough: random women are not just going out and Being Mean to men. ur average guy interacts with plenty of women throughout his life- close women amongst their friends and family, casual interactions etc. most people don't start out being shunned by women, they start out being treated as NORMAL. & when they show their disrespect in normal society, it isn't tolerated, but when they go to alt-right spaces (which they're pushed towards online) they're told they're allowed to be as horrible as they want with no consequences because they're entitled to everything. it isn't "women aren't welcoming and the alt-right is so friendly so i'll become alt-right," it's "women don't let me disrespect them and the alt-right tells me fuck them, do whatever you want, you're entitled to it all" and why would you choose the group where you have to be a normal accountable person when there's a group that will reward you for being a shithead who gives no fucks?
the alt-right can afford to be more friendly and welcoming because they can allow bigotry. this can't work the same way for progressive spaces because we can be as kind & welcoming as possible but at the end of the day we have lines where we have to say "this behavior/speech isn't allowed in this space," and for certain people, that just can't win against a space where you can be as nasty as you want. these posts always end with a disclaimer saying "of course being kind doesnt mean you need to tolerate their bigotries" but what they don't realize and what drives me crazy is that women not tolerating bigotry IS the "women are mean" that radicalized them in the first place. they perceive you pushing back on any bigotry or bullshit as you being a meanie and treating them like they're ontologically evil. the 'kindness' they need to be deradicalized is you letting them walk all over you.
idk what the answer is to deradicalizing them and im sure relationships are part of it but you can be as kind as you want and all it will do is destroy you ime. i cant stand to see people (who have never even successfully deradicalized any man by being nice btw they always speak in hypotheticals and not from experience) double down on telling women to do things that will see no results and only hurt them, especially when any woman who has tried can tell you exactly how it went
#being as nasty as possible & shitting on everyone while giving no fucks makes you popular in certain spaces. that's tempting no matter what#to immature ppl. part of growing up is learning that you cant do that and real relationships need you to not do that#but that sucks. you could just ignore it and join the alt-right to be a manchild forever#if ur an asshole who wld u wanna hang out with: ur wife who says please dont be an asshole to me or ur bros who say she's a hysterical bitc#& u did nothing wrong?#if u had a maga dad/brother/uncle & u heard the way they talk about women its never abt being mean lol#it's abt how women are hysterical & sensitive & get upset at everything they do#im so sorry but a normal guy (i know & am friends with many) doesnt simply become an MRA because his girl friends made 1 men suck joke#if a guy truly has no fulfilling friendships with women or girls to the point where some feminist group 'being too mean' can radicalize him#bc he doesnt have any kind women in his life to prove that wrong. he already had issues.#you reach a certain point in your friendship with these guys where youve been SO kind and so supportive and welcoming and played therapist#for ages and then they turn around and say 'im voting trump cuz i like his personality better lol i dont care about rights and that bs'#even if you can deradicalize someone by being kind thats years of insane unreciprocated energy for ONE guy#who will end up being the person who never posts abt feminism except to say i became alt right because women were mean so be nice girls!#nobody tells anyone else to accept full blown bigots in their spaces either much less BEFRIEND them#bc nobody is expected to do this kind of service except women. <3#eat ass.
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rapidhighway · 16 days ago
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hmmm thinking about how both Knuckles and Licho have been stuck in a single place for as long as they remember, Knuckles completely isolated and Licho unseen by anyone for a very very long time hmm
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camgoloud · 2 months ago
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award for most devil’s sacrament moment of the year goes without a doubt to this morning when my coworker (delivering presentation) (screen projected onto wall in front of me and god and everyone) opened a new tab in google chrome and in the number one spot among the collection of icons for frequently visited websites was. the ao3 logo
#when i tell you it took everything i had in me not to visibly or audibly react#and she didn’t react at all! so either she has a great poker face or didn’t notice or else also subscribes to the whole devil’s sacrament#mindset i.e. ‘well if they recognize it they have no room to judge’#which is of course correct! i’m not judging! i’m simply experiencing The Kinship That Must Never Be Acknowledged very acutely in a public#and professional environment!#this is also not really new information to me like i don’t know for sure if she’s on this website but i could For Sure have pegged her as#an ao3 girlie at least and i’m sure she knows the same about me#(throwback to the runner-up for the most devil’s sacrament moment award from last week when i (clearly online) mentioned that i don’t spend#much time on youtube but i find other ways to waste it and she was like ‘oh such as?’ and i cursed my big mouth and awkwardly went ‘well i#read a lot of fiction’ (true but NOT what we were talking about and we both knew it perfectly well) and then we both had to sit with that)#anyway! mini heart attack moment for sure seeing that symbol in that context but fun times overall :)#and this is why i will never ever open ao3 in a non-incognito tab lest my computer too decide to betray me. forever amen#[REDACTED] on the OFF CHANCE YOU END UP READING THIS and recognize yourself and thus learn my online identity. please don’t tell anyone#let’s keep the devil’s sacrament between us#caseyposting
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icewindandboringhorror · 2 months ago
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"We can get through this by working together, reach out to your friends, community is all we have, a social network will be your security in the world, now is the time to lean on others!"
I do agree, and it's scientifically sound (pretty sure there is data about how people with better social networks live longer and etc) but also....augh..... what about the severe social issues, difficulty to leave the house, physical issues which lead to like zero socialization energy a majority of the time, etc. etc. Social support can be a replacement for structural support, but.. I guess I just wish it didn't have to be. Community is extremely difficult to build, even moreso if you're someone who has issues with social cues or group conversations or even just being around others in the first place. And blah, nuance, of course I'm just complaining or maybe being too negative or maybe misunderstanding, but, I hardly have the energy to brush my hair once every 2 months.. how am I supposed to maintain a wide social network and be active in a Community and Join Groups lol... sometimes it kind of feels like "er.. well if thats my only option then...... ruh roh". It's overwhelming
#Kind of like some post I saw a long time ago talking about how even the meanest shittiest most difficult to get along with#elderly people or whaever still deserve to have some sort of systems in place to support them so they're not just relying on the#grace of relatives or etc. who may not be able to deal with them. Not saying that I'm like mean and cruel or anything#but the fact of the matter is in most social situations either I am compromising or the other person is. Not in like an ~`ouuu im so weirdd#nobody willever understand my quirky swagg hee heee~' way but like a.. Just factually the things that make me happy and comfortable#are often incompatible with people. The way I communicate and process things is different from the way other people do and that#is always a barrier. I cannot have ''easy''' interactions. Even with 'understanding' people there is nearly always a significant#amount of effort. You can't walk into a group of people and then be like ''okay you guys all have to wear#masks and you also cant play music too loud and also we should communicate turns of speaking very clearly so group conversations#arent too stressful. and also i need this and that and we have to do this and that and '' etc. etc. You CAN. And some people will#go along with that. but they will ALWAYS secretly resent you for it. You will be the one person they're relieved to not have to be around.#theyre glad when you dont show up since they can go back to doing things however they want and not masking and all these boring#annoying things. OR you can say none of that and just deal with the loud music and the talking and the unmasked people. but then#YOU'RE compromising. and no matter how nice they are it's exhausting to be around and youre just further alienated#while in the presence of people and uncofmrtoabel the whole time.#Which I'm not saying the only form of community is a group setting specificially but just giving that as an example lol#I just wish there were a better option than ''well learn to socialize normally or just suffer then'' . Which I know is not what people are#saying. I guess I just always feel a bit scared when 'community is the answer'. Since its not like 'oh im just socially anxious and need to#get out of my shell~!' or something thats really that remedy-able. It's like.. my mostly unchangeable physical health issues combined#with the mostly unchangable literal way that my brain processes sensory informationand other things means that interacting with#others in a normal and easy way is incredibly difficult and often exhausting especially to maintain in any longform fashion. So then#when it's like ''the answer to staying safe is to maintain longform social connections!! :3 just reach out!!'' then.. ermm... O_O#also I'm not even one of the cutesy shy emotional hermits that's nervous. I'm the Bad Stereotype emotionless robotic cold seeming#looms in the corner of the room type of thing so people have less pity on you in that way. -_- ANYWAY gghj#I need like.. a designated social representative or something.. When I did work in that bookshop forever ago they gave me a#person who basically was just with me to help communicate with others on my behalf and supervise me and stuff. I need that.. Some#more extraverted person I can latch onto and they can maintain the Social Support Network for me and I can just be their +1 to all#of the Social Things and community. I have helpful skills I can contribute to other people and stuff it's just like.. I cant socialize lol#I cook food or something for you.. then you keep me in contact with Community.. a deal. (but then what about when I'm too sick to#contribute? as is often the case. there's not much place for people like me in communities sometimes i fear.. sigh.) ***
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dawnthefluffyduck · 1 year ago
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hey that's not supposed to be out there (uploaded wrong version at first haha whoops)
#not supposed to be that color either#i wonder who that belongs to#i had a very vague meaning for this in mind but saying it would spoil the fun#christ this took me forever#i wanted to do a quick project to give myself a break from my final#but accidentally made an entirely new kind of nightmare#BUT i can proudly say that i am very proud of this despite how long it took me#alrighty this blog is all about tracking progress so my thought on this;#it's not really as energetic as i had hoped to make it so i think that's the biggest technical issue i have with this#i'll try to get back to doing more gestures soon as a way to help with that#i think my shadows are a bit confusing too#i'm looking at it now and his glasses kinda taper off into the void of his fur bc i didnt mark the shadow along the left of his ear#but the thought of digging back through layers to fix it and blending that mess in is giving me a headache so i'm content with leaving it#i think i learned a lot about light and reflections though#my shadows aren't the greatest but i had so much fun rendering the glasses#and the glow of the soul pushed me to think about bounce light a lot more#figuring out how to make the colors look like they were glowing was a whole separate issue#i did it in the last big ralsei drawing i did but not nearly to this extent#i won't be doing something this large for a while after this but i'll keep trying to work on the things i didn't like about this#i think i'm gonna start putting my self-crit in the tags from now on#it really does bulk up the posts and it's hard to scroll past#i like reflecting on my work like this though#i've been able to draw a lot more since i've started doing it because it helps me create specific goals for myself#lets me keep pushing myself while still having fun with my art#ralsei#deltarune#deltarune fanart
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moe-broey · 5 months ago
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Oughhhhh............. Takumi with the Corrin plush.................. in my feelings about it.......
#feh#i don't have the words for it bc i am so so ao so tireds. late night/hanging out w family#takumi is just so precious to me though. like. on a personal level. it was extremely validating see a chara like him#someone who was deeply affected by a MIA sibling. whole family was affected ofc.#but takumi. when that MIA sibling finally came back. and knowing full well that it was never his sibling's fault either#he was still mad about it. not mad for corrin. but somehow mad At corrin. he was a resentful little prick about it.#BECAUSE LIKE. even if it was never corrin's fault. corrin's absence just... shaped him.#idk idk takumi and corrin were so important to me and still are. i just ended up needing to be more private about it#the corrin plushie is gonna make me cry and throw up. like the second half of this significance actually#hugely. is that corrin wanted to know him. wanted to bond with him. going out of their way to learn what he's passionate about#and takumi is being a bitch about it the entire time. he's stubborn and bitey about it#but corrin... really really just wanted to love him. i like to think that corrin already did. the moment they met him.#and i'm just. gonna cry. the way takumi does quickly warm up to corrin too (and HATES IT LMFAOO)#idk idk. just feh emphasizing that bond is so meaningful to me. you see a lot of that w azura which makes sense!#but what i have wanted for forever actually. was seeing more of that bond between takumi and corrin.#fe takumi#fe corrin
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la-yla · 4 months ago
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I wish i could talk about being aplatonic more and how the way i cant help but feel got me into shit without it being invalidated or being taken as an excuse. Idk. I am not out to too many ppl but idk it always feels so out of place to talk abt it and it hurts juuust a little bit. And im a mfker with friends and ive been neglectful twrd them before bc of this and now i make an active effort not to be,, i still feel like something inside me is broken. Idk. I feel like a bad friend for not feeling a lot of platonic attraction. It just be what it be
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puppyeared · 1 year ago
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footnotes arent enough I need you to talk to me like im fucking Amelia Bedelia
#this isn’t about anything in particular btw. I just have to add a lot of memos when I’m doing things because some things are done a certain#way and it isn’t explained well in the instructions. like my mom has instructions on her baking recipes right#but when it says stuff like add dry ingredients to wet ingredients it also means you don’t dump it in one go you add it slowly by portion#this is probably why I find videos and demonstrations the most helpful when I learn something. like I almost always ask someone to show me#how they do it because there could be something they do that’s already second nature and wouldn’t really be considered in an explanation yk#I don’t think I’m an exception either. when the rice is done cooking I divide it into 4 quarters to bless it#but there are a million ways to divide rice and it makes me think that one persons way of doing it or not doing it all is just as valid#theres also technically no wrong way to divide rice afaik. this means either all ways of dividing rice is safe or valid until we find some#universally terrible way of dividing rice. until that happens nobody really thinks about specifying HOW you divide the rice#source: I have anxiety starting and doing things for the first time because I got way too many people yell at me NONONO WHAT ARE YOU DOING#THATS WRONG while I’m in the middle of doing the thing. I would rather have people think I’m either very stupid or overly specific#than go thru the panic inducing fear of ‘YOURE DOING THIS WRONG OMG WHY DIDNT YOU ASK AHEAD OF TIME THIS WILL BE FUCKED UP FOREVER’ 🧍#nothing wrong if you don’t give something a second thought because you’re so used to it. but I can and will ask about it and I don’t think I#really should feel bad about it if I don’t know enough to dispute it. idk#the other way around I try to be as specific as possible and word things in a way that people who might not get where I’m coming from will#understand. but the problem with that is my explanations tend to be lengthy and I lose them either way 🗿#Im. trying to work on that using examples and stuff because they seem to work the best#but if I could write everything down on a word doc and beam it into your melon that would save both of us time and embarassment#im rambling the short version is I have adhd#yapping
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lieutenantselnia · 27 days ago
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Actually I think it's a bit unfair that I can't be an astrophysicist and a historian and a game developer and a marine biologist and an archaeologist and an author and a seamstress at the same time
#I think I have a quarter-life crisis /hj#like I want to make space discoveries but I also want to analyse ww2 battles and I want to-#study the behaviour of whales and I want to create fictional worlds and I want to sew costumes and and and#there's so much knowledge out there to be learned and things to try out how are you supposed to do this all in one lifetime?#when you're expected to start working a fulltime job and stay in that line for the rest of your life??#though my problem isn't necessarily that I don't wanna be doing that job - it's more that I don't *only* wanna be doing that job#I just wish I could just try different job fields and see what they're like for like 2-3 years before trying out something else#but since they're all so different I'd have to start from the bottom again every time which probably also means worse payment etc#and I just don't have the time for that because I'd also like to build a stable life and maybe have a family later on#plus some of these jobs are just don't pay very well to begin with#I swear if I was rich and didn't have to worry about regular income I'd probably just be a forever student and study a whole bunch of stuff#just because I want to#unless I win the lottery I'll probably just start working fulltime though once I hopefully finish my master's#however I've already been thinking about signing up for studying history afterwards regardless - just for fun without pressure#I love the topic and then I wouldn't have the pressure of *needing* to find a job in the field afterwards#bc it's hard to find something unless you go for the teacher (or maybe professor) route plus pay seems kinda meh either way#but we'll see#I don't even know what this post is supposed to be. like not really a vent but. still complaining? idk#I don't know how to tag this#selnia talks
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medicinemane · 1 month ago
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"Our thing connects to an app!!!"
Ah... I hate it
#name me a thing and I'll tell you why I don't want it connecting to an app#this time it was me looking into something you could plug stuff into and have it tell you how much energy it used#and so many are like 'it'll send it into an app'#well that's stupid; and I'd like it to just tell me the info on it's own little screen#...saw some brewing video where... mhh... that's right; it was something to measure the... something volume related#you use it to calculate the alcohol content; I'm no brewer; just might like to someday so I sometimes watch stuff#anyway; guess what? app; no screen; only app#...I will fucking just learn to do it the old school way thank you; I'd love for you to make it so I don't have to do math#but not enough to deal with your fucking app that you'll stop supporting in 2 years#juicero ass mentality#'we've made two rocks that squeeze juice out of a drm'd juicebox; please use our app'#fuck your app; fuck it forever#the number of use cases where I want to use an app approach zero#honestly I really only play games on my phone or use it rarely for tumblr/discord... mostly for photos#and even there the games would probably be better on my computer (why are phone emulator's such ass?)#in short; if you tell me the thing you sold me will use an app to work... die#everything ought to be able to be done via the thing itself#...I can maybe; and it's a big maybe; but I can maybe forgive if like... I set up a battery and some kind of house grid control... thing#and I can either interface directly with it via my computer and a usb port; a screen; or if I feel like it an app... maybe... maybe ok#(though... that's a security risk for sure)#but point is apps can fuck off and die forever#they're stupid as hell
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reverie-starlight · 11 months ago
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going from literally not being able to handle school and hating myself for setting myself up for failure these past two years to submitting stuff on time and actually putting in the effort this semester feels so surreal, I genuinely forgot I could do it.
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trevisos · 3 months ago
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my biggest goal for my dai replay is to figure out how to have quinn be better friends with/care more about solas so i get more emotional payoff in datv. i think this isn’t a very tall order but it’s an extremely funny problem to have to puzzle out. how do i make the antisocial lesbian care about the overcooked egg man
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quietwingsinthesky · 3 months ago
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sometimes i think about my spn oc and how i rewrote everything about amara to interact with the story i was trying to tell about her. there were some really neat ideas in that i need to recycle for something one day. like, in the show proper, they just let amara take over a human baby and that’s fine, but amara’s not Meant To Be Here. this entire universe is one constructed in her absence. saying she can possess a human body should be like saying if you took a person and sent them to a universe where 1+1=3, they could just figure out how to function within that.
which in story took the form of Amara being something that could not be Understood, only Rationalized. a force locked outside the narrative who could only get inside and destroy things if given a role within it. by the Winchesters as A Monster To Face. by Chuck as Wayward, Unreachable Sister. and by miss oc as. simultaneously a projected creature to be saved, an amalgamation of injustices done to herself (and others) that would never be righted but could be made up for by being a part of this. and as something impossibly powerful that could be both protection and purpose.
and the Darkness wasn’t any of those things, really, but to have agency in her own story required new shackles, but ones she was always straining against. she wouldn’t fit inside the confines of a human mind, let alone a body, at least not well enough to leave it Intact. like lucifer burning through nick, but Worse. because the burns were an expected outcome of skin not strong enough to hold him. humans were built for angels, some were built better and some worse, but they’re meant to work. putting amara in human skin should disconnect the skin and mind and soul from the reality her brother built itself, i think. slowly. bit by bit.
and at the same time, i’d gone and written the kind of wild scenario you really can only write for your thirteen year old mary sue, given that spn oc the part of herald/high priestess/failed vessel. which she pursued with wild abandon like that would fix anything wrong with her <3
in the end, running alongside the borrowed family theming of the original show was my own theme of “how much self-annihilation will you accept to make your point. are you accepting it, really. or are you seeking it.” not just physically, in letting something unmake the base components of what you are as it tries to fit inside you or in it constricting and suffocating itself beyond self-recognition to get inside in the first place, but, obviously, it’s supernatural, how much selfhood do you cede to your family. is it worth it.
it was interesting, if nothing else. let thirteen year old me cook. she had ideas.
#spn oc#don’t mind this i’m rambling about nothing i felt nostalgic about her (<- my oc)#there was also an explanation in the mix for why amara was called amara in this au too despite. you know. not being a baby.#and it was like. a vessel’s desperate attempt to separate itself from the thing inside it by naming it something other than itself.#like a last moment of self-preservation. the opposite of lucifer using nick’s face and us all agreeing to think of it as his. you know?#and amara means beauty.#it’s a very human need. to name things. and the thing is that humanity itself is antithetical to what amara is. in this au.#not because of any inherent quality of it. but because it was not made with her in mind.#i keep bringing up lucifer but he’s such a good comparison case of what thirteen year old me was trying to construct here#and what i can better explain now that im. not thirteen. but its that. lucifer has beef with humans because they have common ground.#the only reason he can hate them is because they’re recognizable to him. terrible little cockroaches. but something he understands.#amara as i conceived of her could not hate or love or understand humanity. or the world. or anything as we know it. because it was not made#to be seen by her. it was made with the express purpose of her never encountering it.#when i was thirteen i wanted her to be so much more alien than she was. unfortunately this is supernatural and supernatural deals in#Just Some Guy forever and ever <3#but it was my story so i made her fucked up and weird and beyond comprehension.#except. of course. when forced to bend into a shape that makes her Not her.#i don’t think proper envesseling would have been a process either her or the oc survived. not because they’d die but because they’d get.#stuck? i think? that was what the intent was. that they’d get melted together like plastic toys.#chuck had a nice smooth envesseling in this au because these toys are made for him.#and angels need consent and angels get bleedover from their vessels because the toys are shared with them but they’re closer to being toys#themselves too.#i’ve rambled enough honestly no one cares about this but me aksjfkjfks#what was i talking about. right! the naming!#the naming of amara is a nail in her coffin because she is named and it is so human to be named and to be perceived and to be shaped by that#perception. even without malicious intent. even to be looked at as destruction itself and be named beauty.#in the same way you kill what something could be by learning what it is. the way a unicorn dies when you discover how rhinos were drawn.#does that make sense? that’s what kills her. bit by bit.
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