#Eddie’s wearing a shirt that says ‘annoying on purpose’ and is living up to it

[morganbritton132]

Dustin posts a Tiktok that’s captioned: Why does picking a restaurant to get lunch with these two always feel like a hostage situation???

And then it’s just a video of Steve with his head in his hands and the most tired-of-this-shit voice you’ve ever heard say, “Eddie, I am going to kill myself and then you if I don’t get five seconds of silence.”

Eddie, exactly three seconds later: That’s going to be hard to do in that order

Eddie: Not saying you can’t do it. I support you.

Eddie: Just that’ll it be hard

Steve:

Dustin: I’m ordering a pizza

Steve and Eddie: No!

[thesupreme316]

Could I request Eddie Kington and the reader as mixed matched a team?

Eddie Kingston as a tag team partner (Eddie Kingston x Fem!Reader):

Genre: Crack

Summary: How I would imagine Eddie as your tag team partner

Word Count: 700

Supreme Speaks: OKAY IK IM LATE BUT BETTER THAN NEVER. thank you to @hookerforhook for being so patient and lovely (please lemme write more for you). I hope you and everyone else enjoys. ALSO, i hope everyone is doing well and remember you are loved and appreciated.

Warnings: slightly proofread, an obscene amount of yall (sorry I'm just country and hood)

Taglist (if you wanna be a part of it, lemme know): @hookerforhook @triscillal @wwenhlimagines @sheinthatfandom @hooks-martin

You know that older brother who loves you but will bully you at every given chance?

Yep, that’s Eddie

He’ll protect you from your opponents, will drop a ref for you, will chew everyone and their mommas out 

But is quick to spear you and give you a noogie

I feel like the way ya’lls team came to be wasn’t because he was soughing after a tag team partner (cause he’s Eddie Kingston and he’ll kick anyone's ass)

But it came to be when you helped even the odds with JAS and you actually didn’t mind fighting the dudes

At that moment, Eddie knew you were his partner

“Why Me?”

“Because you literally just kicked everyone’s ass…besides you’re the only other person in the back I like…besides Mox and Lulu of course.”

That’s right; out of all the enemies and allies he had in the back, he considered you an ally

HOWEVER, I still think he wouldn’t open up to you immediately but would gradually become more comfortable with you

At first, he would only talk to you for match purposes

And then he started hanging out with you a little bit before the show

And then he would text you “you good?” If he hasn’t heard from you (if you respond, he’ll say “great, btw fuck you”

Everything would change when he needed a place to crash cause all the hotel rooms were taken and you allowed him to crash with you

Although he left before you could wake up, he left you a note stating how he’s blessed that he has you as a friend

Now ya’ll at the point where ya’ll are inseparable

Where ever you go, he goes, and vice versa

Ya’ll in each other favorite contacts

Eddie would act like he genuinely doesn’t like you (in the eyes of others) but everyone knows he adores you

You two know each other like the back of your hands

Will tag you on Twitter posts that remind him of you, ya’lls friendship, or just things you need to see

Would say “EW” or “Gross” at you (if you're just walking by) or if you mess up in the ring he’ll laugh and say “you suck”

But heaven forbid someone else said that about you

Everyone can see how much you mean to him

Anyways you would do the same to and for him

You made it your goal to annoy the living shit out of him (and to make him scream and shake his fist at the sky)

But you were quick to shake someone if they irritate him

You played little pranks on him, stole his shirts (and threatened to burn them), made him cut promos on random items

“Now pretend he just lit your family on fire”

“Y/N, this is a toilet brush”

Now in the ring, your and Eddie’s styles complement each other

And you often came together to do tag team moves (especially the ones that Eddie learned from watching old Japanese tapes)

But if you were ready to get out the weapons, he was right behind you (either getting more weapons or just watching)

Essentially, you had crazy ideas and he just supported you in any way he could

Would not wear matching ring gear colors, but will match t-shirts with you (if you have tag team merchandise)

If not, ya’ll would wear each other’s designs

You two could pick up on the other’s next move without talking (you could expect/predict what he was gonna do and how you follow up or help)

Not gonna lie…Eddie would tag you in the match on the head/in the face

I can just see him lightly slap your head to signify a tag

If ya’ll won, then ya’ll were celebrating by doing chest bumps and getting food after the show

If ya’ll lost, Eddie would just berate everyone in sight (except for you)

Despite what he says, he would never talk down to you or degrade you (you’re his soft spot)

Would introduce you to Mox and form a trio if the situation called for it

Overall…Being Eddie Kingston’s tag team partner would be a rollercoaster, but one that would become your favorite rollercoaster

[dontfeeltoohot]

Eddie's Birthday Weekend: Friday, October 28th YTAU Warnings: Steve snarking at Eddie near the end, oops. This chapter is short, but I hope you enjoy! You can read my detailed info about this entire fic HERE.

X X X

The sound of an alarm going off makes Eddie groan. Dimly aware it’s not his but his boyfriends, the artist hunkers back down under his nest of blankets, listening as Steve’s weight disappears from the left side of the man’s bed. 5:00am is far too early for anyone, but the coffee shop owner takes it like a champ, something Eddie admires about him. He himself doesn’t mind mornings, but there’s always some defining line of absolutely not, and anything before 6:00am is where that line appears. 

Listening to Steve shuffle around quietly, Eddie can picture the man, his ever-flawless hair a little sleep-ruffled, his eyes puffy from sleep. There’s a pause in movement and he knows the younger man is rubbing his face and stretching, probably trying to decide what shirt he wants to wear or if he has time to shower. A minute later he hears the shower turn on. Bingo. In the past month, he feels as though he’s become pretty well versed in Steve-isms, can picture perfectly in his mind the way his nose wrinkles up when he’s yawning, or the way his hand will find his hip when Max or Dustin say something that makes the man annoyed. 

Outside of Steve’s room, he picks up on Robin moving around the apartment, a quiet string of cuss words falling out of her mouth as she bumps into something. Eddie’s grown to love waking up in their apartment, something he thought would take more time getting used to. He’d roomed with Chrissy for a while, and even Gareth at one point, and having roommates had been a test of the man’s patience. Now though, it’s comforting, hearing Robin and Steve go about their morning while he lays there half asleep. 

Time passes, though Eddie’s not sure how much exactly. One second he’s imagining his boyfriend showering, the next there’s a kiss being pressed on his forehead. Eyes opening, he looks up and dark brown eyes meet light. Steve’s smiling at him, wearing a dark red polo and dark wash jeans. 

“Hey sleepyhead. Just wanted to let you know Robs and I are heading out. I hope you have a good day at work, and don’t forget you have your lunch with your uncle.” 

Shit. Steve’s right. Per tradition, he and Wayne have breakfast or lunch together every year to celebrate his birthday. This year, due to schedule conflicts, they’ve decided on a few days before his actual birthday, but Eddie is still excited all the same. It’s easier, too, since he’s living back in the same town as the other man, and not three hours away. 

“Mm, thanks Stevie,” Eddie nods, rubbing his face and sitting up a little so he can catch his boyfriend’s lips in his own. 

“Lemme know how it goes babe! I’ll see you tonight.” 

Steve leaves and Eddie lets himself enjoy another two hours of sleep before his own alarm goes off, alerting him to start the day. Usually, he’ll start his day out with oatmeal and eggs, but because the long haired man is at his boyfriends, he starts it out with changing clothes, popping a Zyrtec from the bottle on Steve’s bathroom counter, and making his way back to his own place. Letting himself into his two bedroom apartment, Eddie pulls up an episode of Gourmet Makes on Youtube and lets it play as background noise while he works on the eggs, mind wandering to the idea of getting a pet. 

Obviously, dogs are a no go- the only kind he’d be able to get is a hypoallergenic one and goldendoodles aren’t really his style. He’s been debating on a cat, but Steve’s allergic. Logically, he knows that shouldn’t be a deciding factor, especially when the man himself says not to worry about it (and they both know Steve kind of wants him to just for indulging purposes), but Eddie can’t help but worry. The other options are a rat, or maybe a hedgehog, which both seem pretty cool and relatively easy. Maybe once his birthday weekend is over and things have calmed down he and Steve can go look at the cats at the shelter, just to get an idea of it all. 

Sitting down at his table with his food, the tattoo artist checks his levels on his pump, makes sure his bolus insulin is set correctly for meal time, then digs in, savoring the hot meal on such a chilly Autumn day. Sunlight is streaming into the apartment, making it look cozy, the balcony allowing for a perfect view of the yellow, red and orange trees in front of the apartment complex. When Eddie finishes; a bite of one and then the other repeated until gone just like every other day for twenty eight years, he rinses his dishes, sets them in the half full dishwasher, and makes his way to the shower. 

11:00am rolls around and Eddie finds himself sitting in a booth by the window at the local diner on Main Street, waiting for his Uncle to arrive. Not a minute later, Wayne Munson walks in, a blue and green flannel on, underneath his well-worn work jacket, a Chicago Cubs hat perched on his head. The twenty eight year old stands and hugs his uncle tight, not having seen him for over a week, then sits back down, handing him the laminated menu despite both of them knowing what they’re getting. 

“Missed you old man, anything new going on?” 

“It’s been less than two weeks, Eddie, Christ. What do you want me to tell you, I’m engaged?” 

Snorting, Eddie rolls his eyes and pushes his arm a little from across the table. 

“I’m just curious about your life, sue me,” he shoots back with a smile. 

The lunch goes like every other one before it- Wayne gets a burger, Eddie gets white bean chili, and they eat in comfortable silence. It reminds the younger man of every night in the trailer when his uncle wasn’t working, how they would share a meal on the couch while watching an old episode of The Andy Griffith Show or Everybody Loves Ray. When he was little, he’d beg for Home Improvement, always enjoying Tim’s antics. 

After the check comes- “I’m payin’ Eds, it’s your damn birthday meal, quit it,” - Wayne pulls out a card from the pocket inside his jacket, and hands it to the guitarist. Opening the envelope, Eddie takes the card out and starts reading, slow and careful. The message on the card is generic, but when he opens up the front, there’s a long note written in slanted, cursive writing. 

Eddie,

You know I’m not much of a sap, but getting to watch you grow up, getting to raise you, it’s been the biggest blessing of my life. I miss your mom every single day, and I hate that what happened, happened, but the outcome isn’t something I’d ever trade. You’re one year away from thirty now, and I can’t find the words to tell you how proud I am of you. I’ve seen you go through so much shit in the past twenty years, things no one should ever have to witness or go through, but I’ve been amazed every time at how you’ve been able to handle it. I’m sorry I wasn’t more involved before you came to me, and I’m sorry I didn’t step in with Trent. I’ll never forgive myself for either. 

Anyway, I know you’ve been saying you need to get a new van. Lucinda ain’t running like she used to, and after seeing that death trap in action helping you move, I decided if I don’t do something about it, god knows when you will. When you’re available next, we’ll head down to Indy and find you something good, so long as it’s reliable. 

Love you kid, 

Wayne 

Blinking rapidly, Eddie looks up at his Uncle and swallows, eyes glassy. Clearing his throat, he gives a wobbly smile, receiving one back, then laughs a little. 

“Thanks Uncle Wayne…it..you don’t gotta do that, ya know?” 

“Oh trust me, I know. But you’re just as stubborn as your mother, and if something were to happen to you in that van, I’d never forgive myself.” 

Knowing there’s no point in arguing, Eddie simply nods, then straightens up a little. 

“I should be free next Friday, if you are.” 

“Wouldn’t miss it.” 

They say their goodbyes, share another hug, and then Eddie’s off to work, smiling to himself as he walks across the street then down a few stores to where Green Light Tattoo Parlor is nestled. Making his way in, arms crossed over his leather jacket to hold in heat, he nods at Carson and Louie as they wave, deep in conversation about some band that’s touring. It makes Eddie think of his own band, and how on the 6th of November they have a gig up in Indianapolis. Steve and Robin are coming too, both excited to see him play, and it makes him nervous but excited, knowing they’ll be cheering him on. 

The day is taken up by one client who’s getting the outlining of a full sleeve done. It takes seven hours, but the guy is able to sit through it well, and they only stop a few times, once for food, a couple of times for bathroom breaks and for Eddie to check his pump and blood glucose levels. By the time he’s finished, he’s got a solid amount done, a solid amount of money in his pocket, and he’s ready to go find his boyfriend and relax. 

Hoping he can convince Steve and Robin to watch Dracula, the artist packs his bag up, then says goodnight to Annaleigh, the only other one in the shop, who’s finishing up piercing a girl's septum. Robin opens the door when he knocks, despite having a key. He feels weird just barging in when the two friends are home, and uses it mostly to lock up when he’s alone in the mornings. 

“Just in time,” she smiles, which makes Eddie’s head cock to the side, reminiscent of a puppy. 

“Huh?” 

“Steve’s about to have a breakdown because he can’t find…something,” the freckle faced woman laughs, eyes rolling fondly. “You’ve not experienced a Steve freak out have you?” 

“Not that I can reca-” 

“It’s not here Robin! I told you! I knew it!” 

Both of them wince from the intensity and bitchiness in Steve’s sudden words. Eddie is almost amused, especially when Robin grumbles about how Steve does this all the time. He’s always known his boyfriend can be a bit of a worrier, but the bitchiness is new, and frankly, Eddie’s living for it. Following Robin into Steve’s room, he sees drawers in his desk and dresser are opened, and there’s stuff all over the man’s bed. 

“Uhhh…did a tornado go through here?” 

Steve, whose back is to the door, whips around, eyes wide, almost manic. His brow furrows and he puts a hand on his hip. 

“What’re you doing here?” 

His boyfriend’s tone isn’t rude persay, but it’s definitely surprised, which confuses the tattoo artist. 

“Uhh, you invited me over tonight right? Or…I mean, I can leave,” he jokes, turning dramatically to leave.

When Steve doesn’t say anything, doesn’t try to stop him, Eddie freezes, then looks back. Robin looks like she wants to be anywhere but here. Frowning, the guitarist turns back around and stares at the younger man. 

“Steve, seriously, I can go if you need me to.” 

“It’s not…it’s not that I don’t want you here. But I’m trying to find something, and I’m already stressed, and…” he trails off. 

Wait. Does Eddie stress him out? He said ‘already stressed’ as if his own presence causes his boyfriend stress regularly. Trying to ignore the sting, trying to tell himself Steve’s just worked up, the musician nods, biting his lip. 

“It’s all good man, seriously. Everyone needs their space every once in a while. I’ll see you tomorrow, ok?” He walks closer to kiss Steve goodbye but at the last second merely presses a kiss to the younger man’s cheek. Leaving, he walks down the hall, Robin following.

“Edd-“ 

“It’s fine Robin, I’ll see you guys tomorrow.” He offers a tight smile and closes the door gently behind him, blowing out a breath. 

What the fuck? 

Making his way home, Eddie tries to think through all logical explanations, attempting not to read too much into anything. Of course the honeymoon phase can’t last forever, but damn if it doesn’t suck when it ends. He knows Steve’s probably just had a rough day and this just happens to be the tipping point, but it still stings. He ends up asleep on his couch, watching Dracula alone. It’s not a great night, but it could be worse. Before he falls asleep, he manages to send a text message. 

Night Stevie. Hope whatever was missing you found, and your night got better! ❤️ See you tomorrow. 

+++

“What the hell Steve?!” Robin’s voice is loud when she steps back into the bedroom, and the man feels about two inches tall. 

Steve knows he’s royally fucked up, knows he needs to apologize to Eddie and explain. Right now isn’t the time though, not with how frazzled he is. Work had been busy which already left him jittery, and then he’d wanted to wrap his boyfriend's present, only to forget its hiding spot. Way to go Harrington. Rubbing his face, he looks at Robin, who’s staring a hole into him, making him feel shittier by the second. 

“I…I didn’t mean for it to happen like that.” 

The woman scoffs and rolls her eyes in a way that reminds him of Nancy, when he was being unreasonable back years and years ago. Even now, Nancy Wheeler is a sore spot, even though they’ve talked everything through and are friends. It was his first true girlfriend, and he’d really loved her. The night of the Halloween party will always be one of his lowest as far as he’s concerned. 

“Well, it did, and now Eddie’s upset, and I would be too. It’s just a present Steve. You need to fix this.” Robin’s tone leaves no room for arguing. 

“I’m going to! Tonight I need to cool off, okay? It’ll all be fine. I just…really need to find the damn present, and sleep. Today has been a shit show.” 

His face must convey how he feels, wired and upset, because Robin walks over and puts a hand on his shoulder. The touch is grounding, and thank god for his best friend, because without her he’d be spiraling even more right now. 

“We’ll find the present, Dingus. Just take a few breaths and try to remember where your past self would put it, and why it would be there and not one of the first places you looked.”

Ten minutes later, Steve finds the box that’s holding the nice guitar pick necklace, ‘Type 1’ inscribed on the back, along with the new soft sweater and special edition Midsommar DVD he’d snagged a couple of weeks prior. 

It hits him now, really settles in, that he’s been a dick to Eddie, and he hopes he can fix it.

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

Bella and Beauford (your version of Beau) are twins, similar features (brown eyes), similar chip on their shoulder, similar flowery language, and Ed can't read either of their minds and both smell like grade A beefcakes. Both move to Forks. What kind of mess do you think will go down? 030 Does Eddie boi get the harem he's never wanted? How much can we destroy the B&B team self esteem? Find out on today's episode of the What if Muffin chronicles~! - Sw

Beauford is a reoccurring guest star on this blog.

Think Bella directly plastered onto a boy: absurdly pretty, still clumsy, still terribly introverted and awful socially, and smells like heroin to one Edward Cullen.

With that, onto your question

The Rules

To set some ground rules that are set in the post, I'm presuming both, somehow, are Edward's singer. Now, given that it's Bella and Beauford (fraternal twins), I'd say this is highly unlikely. Singers are rare, and Charlie and Renee don't notably smell like high quality heroin to Edward. More likely, Bella would be the singer, and Beauford would just smell generally nice (but not murder all of Biology nice).

It's also unlikely they'd have the same exact gift, or a gift that expresses itself in the same manner, blocking Edward out of their minds.

But the rules are set, both are Edward's singer, and both have Bella's absurdly powerful gift.

They're for all intents and purposes the same fucking person that somehow got stuffed in two different gendered bodies. The real genesis of this AU: Renee was abducted by aliens while pregnant and her unborn child experimented on. Beauford is, in fact, Bella's identical twin. Beauford is actually Bella's male clone grown in the womb.

After Bella and Beauford reach sexual maturity they'll be beamed back up into space and put into a zoo on Traflamador. (Except not because that would derail this post... The test pilot on Traflamador blew up their planet before Bella and Beauford could phone home. It's not important.)

Bella, Beauford, and the Time Before Forks

Bella and Beauford are probably frightfully codependent for a few reasons that go by the name of Renee. Renee's still out to lunch parenting, and it falls to Bella and Beauford to take care of adult responsibilities from a very young age.

Bella and Beauford come home from school to an empty house, are the ones to go grocery shopping, pay the bills, pay the taxes, do the laundry, pretty much anything that has "adult responsibility" stamped on it.

As a result, they don't really have time to make friends with kids out of school, and they quickly realize that they're the only ones they can depend on in their lives. More, they're the only ones who get each other on any level.

They're both social outcasts, both not what their mother wanted, both have to deal with their mother, and if they ever get in trouble then it's their sibling that they're going to call. Because no one else will ever be there.

I imagine both Bella and Beauford cling to each other tightly with both hands.

Which, of course, makes things weird.

There's getting along with your twin sibling then there's... only getting along with your twin sibling.

Bella and Beauford have lunch together, by themselves, every day in Phoenix. They partner together on everything and are very displeased if they're forced into a group project with anyone else. They participate in all the same activities and if one isn't allowed to do it then the other quits (yes, Beauford tried to get into ballet class, when Renee put her foot down Bella quit right then and there). They wear each other's clothes, if they can't, then those clothes never get worn (Bella never wears the few dresses in her closet). They actually remember their made up secret twin language and lapse into it accidentally from time to time. They're anxious when they're not in the same classes and meet up after every single class to walk down the hallways together. Rather than have any friends, most of their free time is spent at home reading the same books in the same room. They don't even talk about how amazing Heathcliff is, because they know the other knows.

I imagine they channel such the twins from The Shining. Absurdly good looking, beautiful, kids but good god what is wrong with them?

The Decision to Move

When Phil enters the picture seriously, he's not just a new boyfriend, Bella and Beauford sit down to discuss their options. Neither is quite sure how they feel about Phil.

He's awfully young, but he seems to be good for Renee, and is actually capable of paying his taxes (unlike Renee). He can probably be depended upon not to run off and to make sure Renee is taken care of.

However what about Bella and Beau?

With Bella and Beau going to school, they can't travel across the country every few weeks following Phil. Now, in theory, Renee could abandon them to follow Phil. This wouldn't make much of a difference in their daily lives (might, in fact, make things easier in a way as then Beau/Bella can just handle all the cooking rather than Renee even attempting to). However, Renee would never want to admit she's been leaving her kids to their own devices for years, and would feel horribly guilty to leave them behind.

As it is, they've already told Renee she can go on and travel with Phil and she refused, stating she had to be there for her kids.

There's also that Phil keeps trying to bond with Beau especially. As if he thinks it will be easier to bond with the teenage stepson vs. the stepdaughter. That hasn't been going well, Beau would like to avoid that if at all possible.

On the other hand... Forks, wet, cold, and being the children of the police chief's runaway bride.

Ultimately, the pair come to the same decision Bella came to in canon. They want their mother to be happy, feel desperately like third wheels, and if making Renee happy necessitates going to Forks then to Forks they shall go.

At least they'll have each other, and in the end, that's all that really matters.

Arriving in Forks

Bella and Beau arrive in Forks and receive the same reception they would otherwise. But more so. Holy god, the high school population says, it's the Cullens 2.0.

Eerily pale, beautiful, siblings, who are both sensitive intellectuals (and are also weirdly incestuous acting). All the guys want to date Bella and all the girls want to date Beau (some vice versa but they're not admitting that in a public high school in 2005).

The guys (Mike, Tylor, Eric, etc.) aren't all that thrilled by Beau's presence, he's major competition and day one is attracting all the attention. However, they see him as a way to get an in with Bella, he can set them up on a date and put in a good word. If they become his best friend, they have an excuse to go to his house, where Bella will be.

The girls (even Lauren who was initially very pissed off about Bella's sudden popularity) are much the same. Bella's overrated, but good god, that beautiful brother of hers. If they become Bella's best friend, they can have sleep overs, and might be able to see Beau without a shirt on. No matter Bella's stuffy personality, that hot brother is worth it.

Lunch that first day, as a result, is even more awful than it was in canon. Bella and Beauford, while generally oblivious about themselves, are very observant when it becomes to the behavior of others regarding their sibling.

They have an emergency meeting in the truck after school and come to the same conclusion: Bella/Beau, this entire school of hicks wants in your pants. Dump them all.

Both Bella and Beauford end the day supremely annoyed but reconfirm their commitment to this Forks plan. Beau predicts than in six months they'll be losers again and they'll go back to having lunch by themselves.

But what about the Cullens?

Edward, The Cullens, and Biology

As in canon, both Beauford and Bella notice the entrance of the alien procession into the cafeteria and ask "what the fuck?"

Nobody's thrilled about answering, because no one wants to lose Bella/Beauford to the Cullens of all people (the girls sigh with relief as, at least for them, all the lady Cullens seem to be dating one of the other guys. Beau is safe. The possibility of Edward/Beau is one they dare not contemplate in those five seconds.)

Still, Jessica reluctantly gives the run down. These are the Cullens, they moved in two years ago, are absurdly wealthy, beautiful, and supposedly not actually related. They're all dating each other. No, seriously, they are. Except the hot ginger, Edward, but don't bother because he's an ass.

Both Bella and Beauford think Jessica doth protest too much about Edward and internally give the Cullens the same bisexual Bella ranking: Rosalie, Edward (after a bit of thought), and then the rest of them.

Edward, for his own part, notes that he can't seem to hear either's thoughts. Weird. He concludes that the pair are highly overrated and he can't believe the school's so agog over the pair of them. Stupid teenagers.

Then Biology happens.

The pair open the door and good god, Edward Cullen is a demon. Luckily for them, they have each other. There may be an open seat next to Edward Cullen but Bella and Beauford go "NOPE". You see, teacher, we always sit together. No, really, we ALWAYS sit together.

The teacher is weirded out but it's so weird he actually has nothing to say to that. There's only one immediately open seat anyway, and two new students, so they're clearly in trouble with seating arrangements anyway. So he says, "Um, sure, go sit with Angela I guess." Angela is now in an overcrowded table with both Bella and Beauford, her original partner gleefully goes to sit with hottie Edward (then is in dismay sitting with Edward because this guy looks terrifying today). The twins, throughout Biology, are staring down Edward Cullen.

Edward, of course, has smelled the scent of the gods and is going through his personal hell on earth. He devises his many schemes of how he's going to murder Biology before he can get to the pair of them (Angela, for the record, gets smashed into a wall for the honor of being in Edward's way). Then, he doesn't know which he'd start on, he can't tell which scent comes from which. He tells himself he'll toss a coin, heads the boy goes first, then tails the girl.

Still, thinking of Carlisle's sad, disapproving, face as Edward massacres a room filled with children allows Edward to hold on through Biology. He'll murder them after school. Then of course he's able to clear his head and flees to Alaska.

In the meantime, thanks to being hyperaware of their sibling, and now having someone to talk to and confirm their suspicions with: Edward Cullen is Ted Bundy. This guy is creepy, dangerous, and in that moment it looked as if he was going to kill one or both of them. Bella/Beauford would be alright, though disappointed, if they were murdered then left in a dumpster. But their sibling die and meet that same awful fate? Not ever allowed to happen.

Bella and Beau have the world's most tense drive home and tense night taking turns taking guard and sleeping in the same room. Every time one questions if they're, maybe, just maybe, a little paranoid about this, the other confirms that "NOPE, THAT DUDE WAS SCARY".

They can't tell Charlie, he wouldn't believe them and they have no evidence, but when Edward tries to climb through their window maybe one of them will get in a good hit with the baseball bat (they won't, they're both debilitatingly clumsy).

The next day, to their confusion and relief, Edward Cullen isn't at school. He's not there the day after that either, or the day after that...

Beau and Bella start to relax, if only a little bit.

Edward, Alaska, and the Prodigal Son Returns

Edward in Alaska calms down and goes through the same thought process he did in canon. He keeps picturing the twins' faces, his obsession beginning to blossom, and convinces himself that he can't let these unremarkable humans get in the way of his life and his family.

After a week of brooding, much to Carlisle's horror, Edward returns to Forks and goes straight back to school. Specifically, he wants to do damage control with the twins and see just how much they actually noticed.

This goes worse than in canon.

First, Edward has to approach their shared table with Angela like a loser. There, Bella and Beau clearly don't want to talk at him, at all, and both clearly vividly remember exactly what happened last Biology class.

Edward barely gets a word in before he has to go to his seat. When he notices Bella, Beau, and Angela get their lab done as quickly as him (thanks to Bella and Beau), he tries again.

Bella and Beau both ask to go to the bathroom. (Yes, teacher, at the same time. Don't question this.) They don't come back. Edward, after ten minutes, also goes to the bathroom. He finds the pair in their giant, red, truck in the parking lot, deep in conversation (trying to figure out what the fuck is up with Edward Cullen).

He approaches them again, being as charming as possible. This has the opposite effect. Directed towards only them, Beau/Bella would probably let this slide. Directed towards Beloved Sibling, their "DANGER, WILL ROBINSON" sirens are blaring in their head. Beau floors it, and the pair tear out of the parking lot as fast as the truck will take them, they're telling Charlie they're taking a sick day. What will they do next Biology class? FUCK IF THEY KNOW.

Edward, standing in the parking lot with his mouth open, feels very very embarrassed and ashamed. He is a man eating demon and these two are perfectly aware of it. The rest of the Cullens find him there not long after, they find this both sad and hilarious.

Bella and Beau Get Hit by a Van

Well, this would all be well and good. Edward tells himself that if the pair are so determined to avoid him then he'll just avoid them. Problem solved. More, the pair don't seem to be chatterboxes, there's no weird rumors spreading about Edward Cullen or his siblings. At least, no more than usual.

Instead, it seems that everyone's trying to ask the twins to the dance, and are very confused when the twins say that they're going with each other. Sibling policy. You see. (They don't see, nobody sees, this is weird.)

Then it happens. Bella nearly gets hit by a van, Edward saves her, with Beau as a full not-concussed witness. FUCK. Bella and Beau travel to the hospital, Edward driving along behind them, and then after Carlisle checks Bella out they have their awkward talk.

Bella wants to insist that Edward was clearly the one who saved her, with his strange superhuman strength, but thanks to twin telepathy (which either is actual telepathy or is just reading twin body language, who even knows) knows that Beau wants her to shut up. They say nothing, the truth isn't important.

Instead, Beau states that he was the one who pulled Bella out of the way, Bella's just confused. Edward stares at Beau like he's an alien. Beau just smiles, thanks Edward for his concern, then throws Edward out of the room.

Bella and Beau madly discuss that Edward's clearly not human. More, while he saved her life today and that was very noble of him, neither has truly forgotten how he was in that first day of Biology. More, did you see him now? He clearly wanted, desperately for Bella to not remember what happened. He crushed that van like a pretzel, what if they told him that they saw him? What would happen to them? Beau doesn't want to take chances, not even for the truth, and in retrospect Bella doesn't either. Now is not the time to look gifted horses in the mouth.

Given Bella's injured, Beau's on full guard duty that night.

Meanwhile, the Cullens have their vote. It's even more dramatic, because instead of just one innocent, injured, witness, there's two witnesses and one was completely uninjured. Carlisle is utterly appalled that Rosalie genuinely suggests murdering them both so she doesn't have to move. He's more appalled when Edward reveals that he believes the twins may believe that Edward... wishes them harm for having witnessed his heroics.

Because the irony being that the twins are right, the family is voting on this very issue right now. And what does that say about all of them?

Thankfully for Beau and Bella, the vote goes very similarly to canon. Jasper's not convinced until Alice has her vision.

And she drops the bomb. Edward's in love with Bella, Beau will be Edward's best friend and Bella Alice's, and both Bella and her brother will be turned and join the coven.

(Now, what Alice doesn't tell Edward is that, actually, Edward's in love with them both. It's safer to say that Edward's in love with the woman, as that's what Edward will far more readily accept. Throwing Beau into that mix would just make things very messy, if Alice wants her best friend and Edward's happy ending then she has to be smart about this.)

The family has a similar reaction. Carlisle gives his, "Well, alright then" and the family doesn't move. Edward, in despair and self-hatred, heads to the Swan house to see sleeping Bella for himself.

And lo and behold, Beau has been waiting for him. Beau tries to smash Edward's face in with a bat. Unfortunately, a) Edward's a vampire, b) Beau misses.

Beau and Edward end up talking, man to man, while Bella is sleeping. Edward decides that, yes, oh woe, he is in love with Beauford's sister and confesses as much (while also confessing that he might, you know, actually be dangerous). Beau suggests that Edward stay far away from his sister.

No, there's nothing Beau can do to stop Edward. Yes, he is just a pathetic human even more pathetic than most, but he promises that he will make Edward and his family's life hell on Earth if Edward ever thinks of assaulting his sister.

Edward protests he would never, Beau points out that Edward just climbed through his injured sister's window in the dead of night. Edward... tries and fails to explain away that one.

He actually does succeed in that he explains that Bella was in danger from... his siblings. Edward had come to protect Bella, to make sure none came to harm her. It's not necessarily his siblings' fault, it's complicated but... Well, Edward was trying to be somewhat noble.

Then something strange happens. Edward finds himself fascinated by this Beauford Swan. Such courage in the world's weakest, no most delicate, body. Look at those eyelashes, his big dark eyes, his perfectly shaped features. This boy is beautiful, as beautiful as his sister, and just as courageous as she is. And look at him now, nobly facing down a demon he knows he cannot win against for the sake of his sister.

How virtuous.

Edward tells himself that what he's feeling is kinship and admiration for Beauford Swan. Bella could not have a worthier brother. Edward leaves with the promise that he'll respect Beau's wishes (Beau doesn't believe that for a second).

The next morning, Beau tells Bella that Edward's the world's biggest creep and that the Twin Watch is not stopping anytime soon. They're going to need to make a big purchase of coffee.

Edward and His Torment

As in canon, Edward decides he should nobly stay out of Bella's life. He'll see if either twin really does talk (they don't) and then he'll ignore them until they disappear. They will forget him.

They don't, but they do discuss him. See, after much pondering, the twins realize that Edward truly is a Grade A hottie. More, he's so mysterious and inhuman. In retrospect, his saving Bella's life goes a long way, and for all that he's been... menacing, he's never truly threatened them and does seem intent on protecting Bella. More, he seems to be keeping his promise: he's staying out of Bella's life and he hasn't been back to the house since (he has, but they haven't caught him, Edward waits until they both crash until he can sneak in and stare at them both).

And he's never lied about being dangerous. Their glares soften into pondering glances, wondering just what the truth of this Edward Cullen and his family really is, and wonder what it'd be like to let him into their small, insular, world that no one before has ever managed to breach in the way he has.

Bella doesn't believe he's truly interested in her, despite Beau's insistence, and wonders if he's interested in Beau. Beau, for his own part, doesn't believe Edward's interested in him and insists that he's clearly very interested in Bella.

Reluctantly, the pair conclude that Edward is something likely very dangerous, against Edward's will, but benign. Whatever it was they sensed from Edward that first day, it was not something in his control.

Helping this is Edward enabling the mysterious mystery by breaking. He can't stay away from the twins. He tells them that he's tired of staying away from them, that they shouldn't be friends, that he doesn't want to be friends (but wants to be something hint, hint, wink, wink). Except he's convinced he and Beauford are friends, dual protectors of the angel Bella Swan. If he stares a little too much at Beau's perfect figure then that's because he's the perfect, male, version of his perfect sister.

Anyway, the twins go to Long Beach with the others and the twins are now just too curious. Edward's giving them nothing and they must know. Bella flirts with Jake for information, Beau is appalled that this works, and they hear the cold ones story. That night, they both have the prophetic Slayer dream: Edward is a vampire.

Bella tells Beauford that she knows three things. One is that she's in love with Edward. Beau's not sure how to take that for a second but, being Bella's twin and on the same weird wavelength, he gets it. He's in love with Edward too.

Neither finds it strange that they both confess to being in love with the same demon and that they see no conflict of interest in this.

The pair go to Port Angeles to help Jessica and Angela pick up dresses. (Angela and Jessica aren't sure why a man is coming, but they've learned not to question this twin thing). Bella and Beau ultimately decided not to go to the dance, too risky giving the deluge of invitations they received, and instead they'll be headed to Seattle that weekend. They claim this is not a date, Angela and Jessica just stare.

Due to Beau being with Bella, though the pair get hopelessly lost looking for the book store, Bella doesn't get followed by rapists. Edward shows up anyway, as Alice saw the possibility, and takes the pair of them to romantic Italian dinner. It's weird.

He then drives them home and Bella blurts it out. Edward's a vampire, she and Beau know. Edward has his miniature meltdown and realizes that these pair of siblings forgive him this. Beau, beautiful man that he is, is giving Edward his beloved sister and Bella is giving not only herself but her wonderful brother's hand in friendship.

Edward invites them both, that's right, them both, to the meadow. Neither thinks this is strange. And when they get there. Boom, it's over, any chance to question this is gone. Both Bella and Beau are seduced by Edward's sparkling chest and his quotes about lions.

He rests his head on Bella's chest but puts his right hand on Beau's. They sit like that. For hours.

The Cullens (Again)

Well, this went from weird to fucking weirder. It was weird enough when Edward became obsessed with this rando teenage girl. Now, it turns out that Edward's a horn dog panting after bisexual twins, clearly intending to romance them both at the same time.

Carlisle dearly tries to have an intervention. He sends Esme to do it, as in canon, this doesn't work (Esme is perfectly fine with Edward's twincest fetish and thinks it's wonderful).

Alice tells a dubious Jasper that Edward and Beau are just friends. Jasper doesn't believe her, but he's not sure what to even say.

Emmett is desperately holding in Edward sandwich jokes. Desperately.

When Beau and Bella are invited to the house (together of course), the entire family has no idea what to say to them. At all. They don't know how to process this. Rosalie is actually there this time, because somebody needs to warn these two about what Edward really wants, but then they're too weird.

It's all just too weird.

And... the rest of canon happens.

The baseball game occurs, James dies, Victoria's not sure which Swan she should target and so she targets them both anyway. They're in the same damn place so it makes 0 difference.

Bella and Beau joint hallucinate Hallucination Edward, somehow, and get even weirdly more codependent in their zombie fugue state. This tanks their popularity as now there's no denying the incest. Bella and Beau don't care.

Bella and Beau reach out to get Jake to build them the motorcycles. Jake doesn't necessarily want Beau around, the dude's weird and getting in the way of Bella time, but alright. Bella and Jake's friendship doesn't take off because Bella's codependent on Beau.

They do learn about the wolves though thanks to Jake's crush on Bella. Jake never realizes that he's coming in third place not only to Edward Cullen but to Beauford Swan. He thinks he has a chance. That poor boy.

Bella and Beau jump off the cliff together, convinced they weren't committing suicide.

Alice returns, gets Bella and Beau to go to Volterra, because Edward has to see that they're both alive. There's a joyful reunion, Aro is really weirded out by this whole damn thing and has a five second pause after touching Marcus' hand. "Well." he says afterwards, "You and your brother are close. I see."

They get to go home, Aro insists they turn. Eclipse happens. Edward proposes marriage to Bella. Neither Beau nor Bella are thrilled (mostly about the marriage and also about the question of how the twin enters this equation) but ultimately Bella accepts. Bella and Edward marry publicly.

Beau is invited for the honeymoon. Edward, Bella, nor Beau question this. Everyone else does. A lot. On Isle Esme, the three confirm their commitment to each other: they have a secret marriage. Edward and Beau are both convinced they're not in a relationship. Bella and Beau are convinced they're not incestuous.

Sex is had by... someone. Unclear who.

Bella gets pregnant, this seems to confirm Edward must be the father but... Bella and Beau are both very strange, almost alien, and very gifted. There is some red in their hair. Questions the Cullens dare not speak aloud are thought, Edward doesn't seem to notice.

TL;DR Basically, the books still happen but Edward is cuckolded and enables twincest.

...

I did not see this one coming guys. I swear. I did not.

[tthael]

If you're still doing the DVD commentary thing, I'm curious about your thought process behind the whole discussion they have in the car at the end of chapter 11, when Richie asks Eddie why he thinks It targeted them specifically.

Oh boy, this answer’s a bit depressing.

See, I’ve gotten a lot of responses talking about how much they love Went and Maggie in Indelicate. And while they are fun--and a lot of their dynamic is influenced by my own parents and grandparents, and I decided to write their behavior as sort of blueprints for Richie and his behavior towards Eddie--Richie is more upset than he lets on about their conversation about Henry Bowers and his childhood.

So in Chapter 10, I have Richie sort of pick a fight with his parents. Eddie gives him an opening, and Richie immediately seizes onto the topic of Henry Bowers and his childhood bullying, because he wants to confront his parents. About their choice to live in Derry? Maybe. About their failure to respond appropriately to some very violent childhood bullying? Definitely. Richie brings up the incident from the book where Bowers wipes out in front of their class and Richie automatically and without thinking goes, “Hey, Bananaheels!” and Bowers chases Richie all the way through Freese’s department store with his cronies, intending to beat him. Because movie!Richie wears the Freese’s shirt, I decided to keep that incident.

And Went’s immediate response to Richie’s story of “Remember when I was in great fear of physical violence and very real fear for my safety?” is to ask, “Well, what did you do to make him angry?”

I don’t know if you’ve read Things That Happen After Beverly Leaves, but in that fic I have Bev and Richie have a conversation about Tom Rogan and a specific incident of violence that happens during the fic, during which Bev asserts that it was her fault that he went after her because she was antagonizing him. And Richie’s response is something to the effect of, “Oh, really? Does everyone have that threshold? What do you have to say to me before I decide to beat you, then?” Because it’s bullshit and victim blaming, and everyone has a choice of whether or not to commit violence, especially in positions of power. (Even when the violence is committed in self-defense, there’s always the choice to--not defend yourself, and to accept those consequences. In this instance, I’m not describing “violence” as an umbrella “this is always bad” sort of thing; but I do think that it’s always bad when enacted on someone else for the purpose of harming them, especially from a position of power to someone weaker.)

Like many readers of IT by Stephen King, I was horrified by the blasé approach that most of the adults have to the childhood bullying portrayed in the book. I know that King experienced bullying as a child--probably part of why he writes it so elaborately and brutally; and I know that one of It’s influences is that It exaggerates the negative and harmful tendencies of all of Derry’s residents, including bullies like Henry Bowers (even before It interferes with him directly), Alvin Marsh and Sonia Kaspbrak (whose “protective” and abusive natures become exaggerated and inhuman), and adults who turn blind eyes to the violence happening in front of them (the older couple who saw Bowers cutting Ben and drove on, bystanders who saw Alvin Marsh chasing Bev through the street and did nothing, a shopkeeper who tried to intervene in an act of bullying and allowed Bowers and his gang to run him off instead of rescuing the Loser in question, though I’m afraid I don’t remember the specifics).

In this case, I decided that the Toziers didn’t respond appropriately to defend their son. You can decide whether that was because of Derry and It or because of their parenting style. But in this case I decided to have Wentworth demand that Richie take responsibility for his victimization. And Richie gives a sort of Stepford smile when he admits to provoking Bowers; and Wentworth’s response is “You’re very smart, but you kept being stupid and getting into fights.”

If you read the Bananaheels scene from IT, we see that Richie has literally no brain-to-mouth filter. The very second the words are out of his mouth, he wants to kick himself, but he knows Bowers will do it for him. I also write Richie as having untreated ADHD, especially as a child, and his failure to consider cause and effect here is influenced by my own brother. He literally could not consider the consequences of his temper tantrums when he was a child, because there was no reflection or consideration of cause and effect for him. Many child psychologists, psychiatrists, and therapists attested to this. Because this is a real person and someone I have great affection for, I’m not interested in breaking down whether that’s an element of being a child (it was not in my experience) or an element of having untreated ADHD (again, it was not in my experience, as I suffered crippling overthink and decision paralysis at the other end of the spectrum). But I did decide to let that influence Richie.

Eddie is very uncomfortable with Richie’s parents’ lack of sympathy, especially because he shared the experience with Richie; but he’s also uncomfortable with parents in general and very aware that he’s in the Toziers’ space and doesn’t feel he has standing towards them. Richie gets more defensive, Stepford smiling, and recounts other stories of Bowers’ gang harassing the Losers, getting crueler and more flippant both with himself and with his friends (he casually insults Ben), and culminates in the story of Bowers cutting Ben for the crime of not allowing him to cheat off him in school, something that Richie is sure the Toziers cannot claim was the wrong thing to do, the way they suggested that Richie’s actions were the wrong thing to do.

Only then does Wentworth remember that the childhood bully Richie mentioned was actually arrested and imprisoned for fratricide. This is something that even the fog of Derry’s memory loss didn’t take away from him completely, and Richie discussing it brings it back up. And Richie gleefully confirms that yes, that is the Henry Bowers he meant, and actually he tried to lynch Mike and successfully stabbed Eddie in the face, two actions that the Toziers cannot dismiss as provoked. Then the Toziers get distracted by dentistry and Richie coldly and excellently lies to his parents’ faces not just about Bowers’ whereabouts but about the fact that he killed them.

So Richie’s topic of conversation when he and Eddie leave is “Why do you think It went after us?” because he’s still trying to deal with the victim blaming his father expressed and what he actually means is “What do you think I did that made this happen to me?” Then Richie talks about his parents’ choice not to have any children after him, and makes a joke that’s actually completely serious about being such an annoying child that his parents decided they didn’t want any more, even at the potential of his mother’s longed-for daughter, because (in Richie’s mind) the risk of a second Richie was too great. And Richie jokes about his own death, and admits to Eddie that he was very lonely, because Richie is still very lonely right now.

And Eddie says that he’s not lonely and he never felt lonely, and Richie hears “I wasn’t lonely because I had you,” and that’s what he really needs to hear right then. It’s not a love confession (a love confession would be too good to be true), but Richie thinks it’s as good as he’s going to get, so he eats it up.

Even Eddie’s thoughts are about victim blaming, which comes down to an argument that I read on tumblr some years ago: that “she shouldn’t have dressed like that, she shouldn’t have gone off by herself” means “rape the other girl, the one who did all the wrong things,” the one that means violence as punishment. Eddie thinks that victim blaming in this case means that It should have killed and eaten the other kid, which is of course wrong, because It had to be stopped for its monstrosity, not because it was an ineffective deterrent or punishment.

So Eddie pushes Richie in the other direction--he says that what made a difference was not that the Losers ran around without supervision, but that they loved each other enough to risk their lives trying to save each other. Even Richie, in his magnanimous cruelty after speechifying and leaving Bill on the hook, chose to kill the fucking clown rather than abandon Bill, rather than leave It to eat the other kid. And when Richie says “Good for us,” about the Losers being willing to die for each other, he gets grim because Eddie is still like that, trying to die for him; and Richie can forgive himself for trying to die to save the others, but he doesn’t know if he can forgive Eddie for actually dying to save him yet.

That was a long one, but I’m planning on digging back into Maggie and Went in Indelicate again and it’s good practice for me to analyze the choices I made months ago. So thank you for asking! And for reading, of course.

[richiefuckfacetozier]

Why Can't This Be Love

Chapter 1: Here It Comes

Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6

Click to read on Archive 

Pairing: Richie Tozier x Eddie Kaspbrak

Title - Why Can't This Be Love by Van Halen

Dedicated to @slashpalooza and @sam-i-am2468

___

Eddie’s Tuesday started out as it normally did. Half a grapefruit for breakfast, thoroughly shower, text his best friend, Richie, a stupid meme, call Mike to confirm lunch for tomorrow, work from 8am to 6pm, and come home to pour himself a glass of wine. 

Right now he was pouring 4 glasses because around 3:00pm, Beverly called asking if her and Ben could come by to tell him something exciting and that Richie had to be there too. He was not sure what they could possibly want to talk about with the two of them. Eddie tried to push down the anxiety that they might be angry about something. He was pretty sure he didn’t do anything horrible recently, but he couldn’t be sure.

“Richie! Can you help me?” Eddie shouted from the kitchen of his apartment. “I don’t have enough hands to carry everything!”

“Coming, my love!” Richie joked annoyingly. Although Eddie didn’t find it entirely annoying, it’s just Richie being ridiculous. 

His tall friend padded into the kitchen wearing his worn out leather jacket that he thought made him look cool, a print shirt with a meme on it that Eddie didn’t get, and jeans, “I know what they are going to tell us.” Richie stated confidently with a little bounce in his step. 

“Did they tell you already? That’s not fair!” Eddie said in frustration. “They couldn’t wait two more damn minutes?”

“No, I have a guess, Eds.” 

“Don’t call me Eds.”

“I think Ben finally got the courage to propose to Beverly.” Richie went on with a smile. “Or she grabbed him by the balls and told him to do it.”

Eddie snorted at the imagery and wouldn’t put it past Bev to be that aggressive but probably wouldn’t to the love of her life. “That’s wonderful if it’s the news.” 

“I bet you 50 bucks it is,” Richie challenged, “Ben was looking mighty anxious at Bill’s wedding a year ago.” 

Eddie rubbed the back of his neck, “I barely remember Bill’s wedding. I was so blackedout.” 

Richie rolled his eyes dramatically, “You were stupidly mourning the loss of Myra the hydra.” Eddie cringed at the mention of his ex-girlfriend. 

“Be nice, Rich.” Eddie frowned. He pulled out a packet of thin mint girl scout cookies for all of them to snack on.  

Richie rolled his eyes as he sipped quickly from the glass of wine, clearly not finished speaking, “I don’t know why either. She was a carbon copy of your mother. Her leaving was the best thing to ever happen to you.” 

“Yes, being extremely single has done wonders for my self-esteem.” Eddie mumbled.

Richie leaned over and flicked Eddie’s nose, “You’re a catch, dummy.” 

He yelped, rubbing his nose and getting goosebumps from their intensely close position. Eddie grabbed the other two glasses, thin mints and turned on his heel to walk out of the kitchen. “Fine, 50 bucks it isn’t an engagement.” 

“Sweet! Also, those pants look good on you.” Richie pointed out following from behind him. 

Eddie’s cheeks heated up a little, he purposely wore these dark navy blue jeans because Richie always compliments them. He wondered if Richie remembered that he did this every time. Eddie doubted it. When it was just the two of them, Richie constantly tried to make Eddie feel special and wanted. Eddie suspected Richie did it because he felt sorry for him, but he couldn’t be sure. Despite knowing his best friend pretty well, he was also a huge enigma. Constantly says whatever is on his mind, does the most spontaneous - borderline suicidal - things, and keeps a smile on his face no matter what he may be feeling. 

They plop down on the couch in Eddie’s living room. His place was what Richie called a ‘clean mess’, probably the best description of Eddie ever said. He had the habit of hoarding things he didn’t really need. Piles of books on every table that he had already read, knick-knacks from trips, more candles than any one person needed on all open surfaces. He had really nice furniture that matched well in a blend of warm colors. Beverly and Ben sat in two mahogany chairs across from them, holding hands. 

Eddie placed the wine glasses on monster movie poster coasters that Richie gifted him years ago when they were teens. They grew up together and remained close throughout the years, regardless of college or moving around. In fact, Eddie had six very close friends from childhood. The group called themselves the Losers Club, a title courtesy of Richie. 

“Thanks, Eddie!” Beverly said nicely. Ben thanked him too. Richie sat beside Eddie, the side of their thighs touching as he scooted closer to hand him wine. Eddie always felt so comfortable around all his friends, they were the only ones he let be touchy with him. He used to hate germs and be easily disgusted by everything, but when the people he was closest with shared food, drinks, and beds with him, that feeling went away gradually. 

“Alright, lads,” Richie started up with a newsies kid accent. “What’s the scoop? Striking Pulitzer again?” 

“Well,” Ben’s round cheeks turned pink as he said, “We’ve got pretty big news.” Eddie observed Ben take both Beverly’s hands into his own big ones. 

Beverly was practically jumping in her seat, her flamming red short curls bouncing against the sides of her face. She shared a big smile with Ben as she blurted out, “WE ARE GETTING MARRIED!”

“FUCK YES!” Richie shouted. He flew off the couch tackling Beverly in a huge hug. 

“Please, don’t hurt my girlfrie-I mean fiancé.” Ben said softly, clearly surprised how much he enjoyed calling her that. 

Eddie got up to hug Ben tightly, saying congratulations. Beverly kissed both men before they sat back down. Eddie raised his glass. “Cheers, to two people who’s friendship, romance, and love are unparalleled.” 

They clinked glasses and drank. Richie bumped Eddie lightly, “Cheers to owing me $50.” 

“Yeah, yeah.” Eddie nodded toward the counter. “You can grab it from my wallet before you go home.” 

“You can just buy me dinner this weekend.” Richie waved his hand.

“So Rich, you know what me getting married also means?” Beverly’s eyes shined brightly at him. He looked between her and Ben, thinking. Then dawning flashed on his face. He put his glass down and stood on the couch. 

“Richie, no!” Eddie pleaded desperately. “You are going to fall! Idiot!” 

He jumped up and down like a child discovering Christmas came early. “I AM GOING TO BE DUDE OF HONOR!” 

They all laughed at his excitement. One of the things the losers club decided in their 20’s, after a particularly ugly fight about who would be who’s best man or ‘dude of honor’ in this case, was that each of them would take turns. 

So far, Bill and Stanley had gotten married. To two incredible women, Audra and Patty. Eddie was Bill’s and Bill was Stan’s best man. The rest of the sequence goes: Mike is Richie’s, Richie is Bev’s, Bev is Eddie’s, Stan is Ben’s, and Ben is Mike’s. Mike is fairly confident he won’t get married and neither will Richie, which he says is for the best as he is far too stressed as a person to get married or be a best man. 

Eddie recalled that a huge fight he had with Myra was over Beverly being his Best Woman. She shouted at him for hours that there was no reason a woman should be when he had all these guy friends. Explaining the losers club deal to her did nothing but place fuel on the fire. ‘Sometimes I think you love them more than me!’ Looking back, he most certainly did. Eddie was fairly certain he would always love the losers most in this world. Which furthered the cycle of being horribly single. Sometimes he thought he was in a polyamorous asexual relationship with 6 other people. They were too close.

Richie finished up his jumping and landed on the couch half on Eddie. “OW!” Eddie yelled. “That fucking hurt. You aren’t light enough to plop all your weight on me.” 

Richie slung an arm over Eddie’s shoulders and kissed the side of his face. “Sorry, Eds.”

Eddie wiped his face that got kissed on Richie’s shoulder, pretending to get the germs off. “Have you told everyone else?” 

“We have…” Ben begun slowly. Eddie didn’t like the tone he was using. “Stanley’s already started his best man duties.”

“Why wouldn’t you just tell us you’re getting married altogether like Bill and Stan did?” Richie said, seeming to also realize this was odd. 

“Because we have to ask a favor of you.” Ben brought his hand up to start biting his nails the way he did when he was about to deliver bad news. 

“Favor is too nice, babe. This is not a favor or a request. It is a requirement if you both want to be at this wedding.” Beverly let go of Ben’s hand to place it on her knee. She rubbed her thighs once, gearing up to tell them. Eddie had a couple guesses about what she may want to say but nothing prepared him for what it actually was, “You have to bring a date.” 

Eddie leaned back in confusion, realizing Richie’s arm was still around him so it brought them both laying back against the couch. Richie removed his arm and started fidgeting with his fingers. Eddie worried his bottom lip before saying quietly, “Why?” 

Beverly looked to Eddie with sympathy. “I’m sorry, Eddie, but we don’t want a repeat of Stan and Bill’s weddings.”

Eddie’s face immediately turned red with embarrassment. Three years ago, Stanley got married and that was around when he left his mother’s place for the third time. A year later, Bill got married and he had his break up with Myra. On both occasions, Eddie took a bad combination of too many pills and drinking more than he ever had in his life. Resulting in major blackouts and behavior he cannot remember but knows second hand from everyone what happened.

“Why do we both have to have dates?” Richie said, voice a little strained and weird.

Beverly rounded on him with no sympathy. “Because, Richard, when YOU go to weddings you fuck everyone and break shit. A date will keep you focused on that person and not be a chaotic monster with a death wish.”

Richie laughed, “If I want to be fucked by all your bridesmaids at the same time then I should be allowed to do that!”

Beverly’s voice rose higher, “That’s literally not possible, asshole! And the only bridesmaid is Kay McCall.” 

“Damn. Kay’s beautiful but I don’t screw married women.” Richie’s face scrunched up. “Does that make her a bride’s matron?”

“High morals there Richie,” Ben said trying to lighten the mood.

“You know it Ben Handsome.” He winked. 

Eddie sat there trying to word what he wanted to say carefully. As Richie continued to dig himself a deeper hole, “We are getting off-topic. I’m saying if I want to have sex with someone and have a little fun or if Eddie wants to get so drunk he mistakes your grandma for a urinal, then we should have that right.” 

This brings Eddie back, “Richie!” 

“What? Nana Denbrough thought she was at a waterpark. You’re fine.” 

He put his hands on his face and folded forward. Richie scratched his back soothingly but didn’t stop trying to defend himself. Beverly eventually got so fed up that she pulled out her phone and played a video from YouTube. 

“Exhibit A, Bill and Audra’s wedding.” She said viciously. 

Eddie groaned as he raised his head to watch the screen. Bill’s younger brother Georgie had filmed people talking about Bill and Audra. He put the most unfortunate video, starring Eddie and Richie, on the internet for the world to see. 

Video Eddie looked miserable and spaced out. Georgie had to say his name three times before Eddie looked up and hiccuped. “Oh hey, Georgie!” Video Eddie said enthusiastically. “Having fun kiddo?” 

“I’m 21, Eddie. Not really a kid anymore.” Georgie’s voice said laughing. 

“Stay a kid forever,” Eddie begged him.

“Ok, Eddie. What do you want to say to Bill and Audra?” 

“Bill...I want you to know that you are the bravest man alive and I would die for you. Audra, you better be good to him.” Video Eddie points at the camera and almost falls forward. Suddenly, video Richie appears, catching him. He giggles bopping video Richie on the nose and keeping his face precariously close to video Richie’s face. 

Video Eddie frowns suddenly and looks back at the camera, “But don’t fall too too in love. You might get your heart broken like me. Love is dumb. Women are dumb. They don’t really care about you.” 

Video Richie had his hair slicked back and was laughing at video Eddie’s truths, “Eds! This day isn’t about you. It’s about Bill and Audra. We should be telling stories about them!”

“Oh god,” Eddie said as his stomach turned reliving the next part again. 

“So Audra, let me tell you about Bill’s first time. He had a girlfriend in high school, blonde and pretty, much like yourself and they were dating for about…” 

Video Eddie hiccups, “4 months.” Then smashes his face into video Richie’s neck. “You smell like whiskey.” He winces.

Video Richie laughed, cheeks reddening from drunkenness, “Thank you, Eds. When they decided to fuck for the first time, he got everything all set and she came over that evening. As he was eating her out.” 

“Richie, kids could see this.” Video Georgie warned through obvious laughter.

“As Bill was going downtown on her hoo-hoo she got a little too excited and shat the bed.” All three men were shrieking with laughter. Video Eddie wrapped his arms around video Richie, shaking uncontrollably with glee. Despite the horribleness of the situation, Eddie smiled a little. “Now it’s unclear where all the crap ended up but we can guess that…”

Beverly stopped the video glaring at Richie intently. Eddie looked at him and he only smiled. “We won’t even get into the nuclear mess that was Stanley and Patti Uris’s wedding right now. But we want you both to have a date so there is no chance of you completely embarrassing me, Ben, and yourselves.” 

Eddie scoffed, “Richie embarrasses himself on every date he goes on. What makes you think one brought to the wedding will be any better?” 

“Oh yeah?” Richie gazed at him steadily. Eddie braced himself for the incoming insult. As much as he could dish it, he rarely could take it. Especially against Richie’s quick tongue, “And when was the last time you even fucking went on a date to embarrass yourself?” 

“I can get dates!” 

“A night alone with your right hand isn’t a date.”

“Shut the fuck up, Trashmouth!” 

Suddenly, two armchair pillows smacked the side of Eddie and Richie’s heads. They both rounded on Beverly and Ben but the stare of death Beverly was giving stopped their prepared protests. 

“If you assholes want to come to my wedding,”

“Our wedding…” Ben whispered.

She turned her ever reddening face, almost the color of her hair, at her financé, “Not if you correct me, Benjamin! Don’t make me marry myself!” She focused back on Eddie and Richie, pointing a bitten nail at them menacingly. “...you will have dates and BEHAVE at the reception or so help me, I’ll castrate you!” 

There was a pregnant pause broken by the one who can never stay quiet long. “What about the ceremony?” Richie responded, “Can I at least ruin that?”

She stared at him, everyone ready for more yelling but instead she broke into a gorgeous smile and laughed. It lightened the moment but Eddie didn’t find he felt any less anxious. He fully contemplated this enormous request from his friends. Finding a good wedding date took time, he only ever had committed relationships. Well, the one with Myra. As much as Richie’s words hurt, he was right. Eddie didn’t go on dates. People didn’t tend to find him datable. “Too short, too high maintenance, too weird” were just a few of the flaws that consumed him. He had no clue how he was expected to get someone to go to this wedding with him. 

The four of them started discussing wedding details, Beverly and Richie talking a mile a minute about everything that had to get done. He was especially excited to plan a bachelorette party. With how much money Ben and Bev make, it sounded like they would get their dream wedding easily. 

Eddie was thrilled for them but that pang of being single and now having to find a date was eating him alive for the two more hours they stayed. When they finally called it a night, Beverly and Ben hugged them promising to talk tomorrow. 

Richie did not follow them out which meant he wanted to drink and talk more, probably spend the night there. Eddie had a guest room that was essentially Richie’s room since he spent the most time there. 

“You want ice cream?” Richie shouted from the kitchen where he was most likely opening another bottle of wine. 

“With chocolate syrup!” Eddie yelled back. 

“Oh, chocolate syrup night means major troubles.” Richie laughed. 

“What are we gonna do Rich?” Eddie whined miserably. “Or rather, what the fuck am I going to do?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“About the fucking dates!” Eddie laid sideways on the couch, grabbing the cushion pillow and placing it over his face to scream into. 

“Don’t be a drama queen.” Richie said. The couch shifted as he sat down by Eddie’s legs. 

“That’s easy for you to say.” Eddie mumbled into the pillow. 

Two hands extracted the pillow from his face. Eddie kept his eyes scrunched closed. “I can’t speak pillow.” 

Eddie huffed out, “It’s easy for you to not be worried. You are a serial dater.” 

“Open your eyes, Eds.” Richie chuckled. Eddie opened them to pout childishly at him.

He had his smirky smile on, which could only mean he had a terrible idea. “I have a great idea to get us out of getting actual dates.”

Eddie stared at him from his laid down position, probably giving Richie an unattractive double chin, “There is no loophole in this agreement, Rich. Beverly was really fucking clear. We have to have dates.” 

“And we will.” Richie poured wine into both their glasses. He handed it to Eddie, forcing him to sit up in order to drink it. While Eddie drank normally, Richie downed his quickly then licked his lips. 

“Who am I gonna have to take to Ben and Beverly’s wedding?”

Richie watched him carefully, opened his mouth and said, “You’ll take me. I will be your wedding date. And by default, you will be mine” Eddie’s mouth dropped and Richie clinked his empty glass with Eddie’s full one.

______________________

In honor of IT: Chapter 2 coming out soon, I have begun writing this fake dating idea! I hope you enjoyed the first chapter, comment here or on archive and let me know your thoughts and feels! The title is thanks to Slashpalooza on tumblr who asked me a million years ago to write something with this title!

Tag List (Starting a new tag list since I don’t know who is still around in the fandom. Let me know if you want to be tagged):

@sarah011 @pan-ini @frankeeenstein @sam-i-am2468 @eds-kas @jem-carstairs-is-perfection @roobarrtrashmouth @hypnoidvoid @imeddie @slashpalooza @reddieforlove 

[urdearestmom]

ooh wee, my darlin’

some more reddie content from me?? feeding the gays in this chili's tonight!! this is mostly unedited, i wrote it all yesterday :)

ao3

He’s really just trying to finish this essay. It’s due the day after tomorrow, but Eddie wants to have time to look his good copy over with fresh eyes and make corrections if necessary, because if they are he’s going to have to write a whole new copy on fresh paper.

His developmental psych prof is a nightmare. Why can’t he just take slight corrections on the page? All of Eddie’s other professors do.

Unfortunately for his essay, Eddie’s boyfriend is in his room distracting him. His roommate, Jack, left for a study group meeting about a half hour ago, and since Richie lives just upstairs in the same dorm, it’s easy for him to come visit. Currently, he’s hanging off of Eddie’s bottom bunk, floppy hair brushing the floor as he watches Eddie write at his desk.

“That’s bad for your brain, you know,” Eddie says conversationally, pretending he’s not staring at the underside of Richie’s angular jaw and looking away when he grins.

“He speaks!” Richie crows, but he doesn’t turn over. “Are you done yet? I’m bored.”

“I told you I had an essay to finish but you came down anyway. Not my fault.”

He makes a whining noise and stretches his arms in Eddie’s direction, effectively ruining his concentration.

“You are literally a small child,” Eddie says, dropping his pen and glaring down at his stupid, distracting boyfriend. “What can I do to make you shut up?”

Richie looks like he’s mulling over his options before a childish smile erupts on his face. “Kiss me?”

Eddie groans. “Oh my god, are you serious? No.”

Richie pouts. “Why not? Is it because I’m upside down? Because I’ll turn over,” he answers, and then he rolls right side up.

Eddie snorts derisively and turns back to his paper. “No, it’s because if I kiss you I’m going to want to keep kissing you, and then I’m not going to finish my essay,” he retorts, picking his pen back up. “Now shut up and let me work. The sooner I’m finished, the sooner we can do something else.”

Silence settles over Eddie’s dorm for a few minutes as he finishes scratching in the end of his last body paragraph. He’s about to start the hardest part of all: the conclusion. It came out better than he hoped it would in his rough copy, the words just flowing out of his pen almost like magic. His good copy will hopefully wrap things up exactly the way he wants it to.

Richie’s breathing has faded in with the background noises of the building; the usual creaks of worn floors and squeaks of doors in need of oiling, along with muffled voices in other rooms. Eddie almost thinks Richie’s fallen asleep because of how quiet he’s being until Eddie sneaks a look behind him and finds that Richie is now hanging upside down off the top bunk, his glasses sitting on his forehead and threatening to fall off at any second. He has his eyes crossed and his tongue sticking out as he reaches for the floor.

Despite his considerable height, Richie is unable to reach the floor, and as a result slips off and crashes to the ground.

“You fucking idiot,” Eddie says stonily. “Why would you fucking do that? You could have broken your neck, asshole.”

Richie glares at him from the ground. “So I’ve just fallen from a great height and you’re gonna sit there?”

Eddie turns around and gets back to his concluding paragraph without a word.

“Aw, come on, Eds!” Moans Richie. “I wanted some Doctor K lovin’!”

“Shut the fuck up and let me finish, Trashmouth.”

Richie huffs, but Eddie hears him sit down on the bed again. Eddie wonders how he didn’t hear Richie climbing up before and decides that he must’ve just been really concentrated. Now, if only he can get that concentration back…

He’s written about one and a half sentences when Richie starts up again, this time humming some melody Eddie doesn’t recognize. “Richie!” He hisses, whipping around. “Could you not be annoying for ten minutes of your life?!”

Richie smiles lazily. “I know you love me really, Eds.”

Eddie pinches the bridge of his nose in exasperation. “Rich, please. I want to finish this and then we can do whatever. I just don’t want to be worrying about it in the back of my mind, okay?”

“You sitting there in those shorts isn’t helping,” Richie remarks, rapping his knuckles on the slats of the top bunk above him to the rhythm of Pop Goes the Weasel.

Eddie looks down. He’s wearing the little red gym shorts he’s had since he was thirteen (they’re just really comfy, okay?) and they’re riding up high. They’re already short due to the seven inches he’s grown in the last seven years, but he insists on keeping them.

He maintains that it’s because they’re comfy, but he knows it’s mostly because Richie likes them. He’d never be caught wearing them anywhere there was a chance someone other than his boyfriend would see.

So, even though Eddie’s well aware that he changed into the shorts before Richie came downstairs purposely to tease, he rolls his eyes. “Stop looking at me, then. Jack off or something, I don’t care. Just keep yourself busy and be quiet.”

Richie starts laughing, so much so that he has to sit up to stop himself from choking. “You know I’m never quiet when it comes to that, Spaghetti,” he says, eyes gleaming with mirth from behind his glasses.

Eddie flushes but doesn’t respond. He forces himself to think about his boring psych prof and the essay he’s absolutely intent on finishing instead of on Richie and what they could be up to.

All is well for about twenty minutes. Richie pulls out a Walkman from who knows where and finally lies calmly on Eddie’s bed, waiting. Eddie thinks he’s going to be able to finish, and is, in fact, almost done with his stupid conclusion when Richie’s voice carries over to him.

“Ooh wee, my darlin’,” he croons, “Can I make love to you tonight?” He hums a little bit before singing again. “Sweetheart… I will do you right, I can make you feel so good… I’m in the mood to make love tonight…”

His voice is filled with tenderness and it makes Eddie want to let go of his Godforsaken essay immediately, so he does. He turns around to see Richie lying on the bed on his stomach, facing Eddie with the loveliest smile. He’s not wearing headphones anymore.

“Do you like it?” He asks tentatively. “It’s a little something I’ve been working on, but I don’t have my guitar right now so I just sang it.”

Eddie smiles back. “It was really nice, Rich.”

Richie looks down, cheeks flushing. “Thanks.”

They’re both silent for a moment before Richie speaks again, his usual shit-eating grin back in place. “So can we do that?”

“Do what?”

Richie wiggles his eyebrows suggestively. “Make love.”

Eddie wrinkles his nose. “God, do you really have to say it with that face?”

“You know you want to.”

Eddie gives a long-suffering sigh. “Fine…” He feigns disinterest, but really it’s been over a week since they had time to be together and he’s getting kind of desperate, so he doesn’t actually mind how quickly Richie grabs him and pulls him onto the bed, fusing their mouths together in what’s one of the most passionate lip-locks Eddie’s ever been in.

Richie is radiating so much heat that it starts making Eddie sweaty right away and he pulls away to throw off his shirt. Then he remembers that Jack could actually come back at any minute, so he gets up off of Richie, much to the other’s displeasure.

“Lemme just- put a sock on the doorknob-” Eddie explains, shucking off his socks, “Jack knows I’m gay but I don’t think he actually wants to see us.”

“I mean, we could always have a thr-”

“Do not finish that sentence.”

For lack of a better word, Eddie loves Richie. Eddie has probably always loved Richie and he probably always will, although there’s no sight in the universe that he could possibly love more than this one: Richie, pink-cheeked and sweaty after they’ve had sex, hair all over the pillow, face as close to Eddie’s as he can get it without going cross-eyed. He’s glorious.

“Eddie,” he murmurs, finger running down Eddie’s nose and then back up his cheek. “I love you.”

Eddie smiles softly, his eyes roving over the sweeping expanse of Richie’s skin that he’s left marked before travelling up to meet Richie’s gaze. “I love you, too.”

Richie yawns lightly and wraps himself around Eddie, moving his head down to lay on Eddie’s chest. “You’re a very aggressive top, you know. Takes a lot outta me.”

“You just like being manhandled,” Eddie answers smoothly.

Richie chuckles. “Guess I like being your bitch. Even when you bottom you still boss me around.”

“Why are we talking about this?”

“I have… no idea…”

Within seconds, Richie snuggles into the crook between Eddie’s neck and shoulder and falls asleep. Soon Eddie’s just drifting off himself, cheek pressed to Richie’s hair, when he jolts with a sudden realization.

His fucking essay isn’t done.

But then Richie squeezes him tight and mumbles some nonsense and Eddie decides he’ll finish later.    

[bitchinhanscom]

Pictures of You Pt.3

Parts: [1] - [2]

Pairing: Slowburn!Richie x Reader

Summary: You and your friends discover you’ve all had similar haunting experiences and you welcome a new member into the Loser’s Club

Your nose is stopped up and your eyes feel small and puffy. It was a result of all the crying you did last night. After dinner you had went back to your room and cried some more. You cried until you were dried out. Then you laid down in your bed and stared at the ceiling for a good hour. You couldn’t remember when you actually fell asleep.

  Your mom had left for work early in the morning. You didn’t have any plans for the day and you honestly didn’t want to do anything. You felt like shit. You thought you would probably lay in bed all day. Maybe you would watch a movie in the living room later or something.

  Your plan to do nothing is ruined around eleven when you get a knock on your door. Your hair is a mess, you’re still in your clothes from yesterday, and your eyes are probably still a little puffy, but honestly you don’t really give a fuck.

  You open up your front door and standing on your front porch is none other than Bill Denbrough.

  “Hey. Are you busy?” he asks

  “Uh, no. What’s up?”

  “B-B-Beverly called. She t-told us to come over right away.”

  “Us?” you ask. Then you look over Bill’s shoulder and notice Richie, Stan, and Ben waiting on their bikes.

  “Okay. Just give me a minute to change.” you quickly put on a different pair of jeans and a t-shirt. You couldn’t really remember if the t-shirt was dirty or not, but you were in a rush and it smelled okay so you just went with it. You brush your hair and then walk out of the front door.

  Eddie is out there now and you figure that they collected him while you were getting dressed. You grab your bike and you guys head to Beverly’s.

  Eddie and Stan are arguing over whether it’s better to go through the alley or side street when you arrive to Beverly’s apartment.

  “The side streets are like the same. They smell like piss and shit.” Stan says.

  “Okay. Can you please tell me exactly what she said?” Eddie says.

  “She didn’t say anything. Just to hurry over.” Stan replies. Beverly comes running to you guys when you pull up in front of the fire escape.

  “You made it. I-I need to show you something.” she says. Richie is assigned to keep watch in case Beverly’s dad comes back and you all rush inside.

  She points to the bathroom and you all walk towards it while Eddie rambles on about how dangerous and unsanitary bathrooms are. When Bill opens up the door you’re shocked at what you see. There’s blood everywhere. It looks like he just opened up the gates to Hell.

  “Holy fuck. Did Aunt Flo and Cousin Red come for a visit?” you say. You hear Eddie give an annoyed sigh and you can see Stan roll his eyes out of the corner of your eye.

  “You see it?” Beverly asks

   “Yes.” Eddie replies

   “What happened in here?” Stan asks

   “My dad couldn’t see it. I thought I might be crazy.” Beverly says.

  “Well if you’re crazy, then we’re all crazy.” Ben replies

  Bill says that you guys can’t leave it like this and next thing you know you’re all cleaning Beverly’s bathroom.

  You, Eddie, Stan, and Ben go throw away the trash bags. Stan and Eddie go to Richie and explain what happened. Ben goes back inside to get the last of the trash bags. You decide you’ll help him, but when you get inside you see him in Beverly’s room. You wait for him to come out and when he does you say “What the fuck were you doing?”

  “Oh, uh, n-nothing.” you can tell he’s lying.

  “Really? Because it looks to me like you were snooping in Beverly’s room. That’s really weird, Ben.”

  “I wasn’t snoo-“ he cuts himself off after looking towards the bathroom. Bill and Beverly are standing in there talking and laughing.

  “I anonymously wrote a poem for Beverly. I just wanted to make sure she got it.” he says in a low, sad voice.

  “Did she?”

  “Yeah. She’s never gonna think it’s from me though. She likes Bill. That doesn’t really matter though. I just wanted to make sure she got it.” he responds. You feel bad for the boy. He seems real sweet. It wasn’t fair that most girls wouldn’t give him a chance because of his weight.

  “If it makes you feel any better, you’re most teenage girls’ dream guy. Personality-wise.” you say. He perks up a little bit.

  “Really?”

  “Yeah, most girls would kill to have someone write a love poem for them. One day a girl will see past the bullshit and appreciate you. Maybe it won’t be Beverly Marsh, or maybe it will. Who knows? But one day someone will.”

  “Do you actually think that?” he asks you.

  “Yeah, but here’s a little tip. You probably aren’t going to win brownie points with her if she catches you in her room without her permission.” you tell him. He laughs and says “Okay. I’ll keep that in mind.”

  Bill and Beverly come out of the bathroom after that. Bill asks what you guys are laughing about and you tell him that it’s nothing.

  You’re all walking down the street, pulling your bikes along with you. Richie is pissed about how long you guys took to clean the bathroom. He’s riding in circles around you guys and making it clear that he thinks you all imagined what you saw.

  “She didn’t imagine it. I s-s-saw something too.” Bill speaks up. You all stop.

  “You saw blood too?” Stan asks.

  “Not blood. I saw Juh-Juh-Juh-Georgie. It seemed so real. I mean it seemed like him, but there was this..”

  “A clown.” Eddie finishes “Yeah, I saw him too.”

  “Me too. In the woods. The day I met you guys.” you say. Ben and Stan shake their heads that they saw him too. You get chills. It turns out you weren’t seeing things and it wasn’t a prank. This was real.

  “Wait, can only virgins see this stuff? Is that why I’m not seeing this shit?” Richie speaks up. Before anyone can respond you all hear yelling.

  Eddie points out Belch Huggin’s car and Bill notices a bike.

  “Isn’t that the home schooled kid’s bike?” he asks. You have no idea who the home schooled kid is.

  “Yeah, that’s Mike’s bike.” Eddie responds. The homeschooled kid’s name is Mike apparently. Everyone runs to help him and you follow suit.

  You get closer and closer to the noise until you’re faced with what you guess is Henry Bowers on top of Mike. Henry is about to bash Mike’s head in with a rock. Then Beverly throws a rock and hits Henry in the head.

  Henry gets off Mike and Mike crawls across the stream and joins you all.

  “You losers are trying too hard. She’ll do you. You just gotta ask nicely like I did.” he says. You’re pissed. Beverly is a good person. She doesn’t deserve to have a false reputation and be hated because of said reputation.

  Ben yells and throws a rock at Henry and next thing you know you’re in a fucking rock war. Your adrenaline is pumping and you’re throwing those rocks like your life depends on it.

  You go into the water to get closer and Eddie joins you. You get a nice hit at one of Henry’s goons. The one with the bleach blonde hair. You didn’t know which one is Victor and which one is Belch and, to be blunt, you really didn’t give a fuck.

  Suddenly Belch and Victor are running and Henry is lying on the ground defeated. You all start to walk away. You hear Richie yell “Go blow your dad you mullet-wearing asshole.” You wait for him and you both laugh together as you join the group.

  You all collect your bikes and start walking to a nearby field.

  “Thanks guys, but you shouldn’t have done that. He’ll be after you too now.” Mike says.

  “Oh, no. Bowers? He’s always after us.” Eddie replies.

  “I guess that’s one th-th-thing we have in common.” Bill comments.

  “Yeah, Homeschool. Welcome to the Loser’s Club.” Richie says.

  You all sit down and Mike pulls a book out of the basket of his bike. He sits it gently next to his bike.

  “What is that?” you ask.

  “It’s a book about the history of Derry. I borrowed it from the library.” Mike replies

  “You went to the library?” you ask.

  “On purpose?” Richie continues.

  “Well I’m home schooled. I have to go there a lot and I don’t really have a lot of friends to hang out with either. Plus it’s really interesting.” Mike replies. You ask if you can see it. He hands the book  to you and inside is a folder. It’s full of notes and pictures. Everyone gathers around to look at it.

  “Why is it all murders and missing kids?” Richie asks.

  “Derry is different from most towns. One time they did a study and it turns out people die and disappear six times the national average. That’s only grownups. Kids are worse.” Mike answers.

  You flip through the history book and land on a page about the Easter Explosion of 1908. You almost miss it. At first you’re not even sure it’s what you think it is, but you look closer.

  “Guys look.” You show the book to all of them.

  “What? I don’t see anything.” Eddie says.

  “Look very closely in the corner.” you respond. You see it hit each of their faces. The fear.

  “It can’t be.” you hear Beverly say.

  “You guys have seen It too?” Mike asks. You all shake your heads yes.

  In the corner of the page, standing behind all of the chaos, is It. The clown. He’s smiling that same sinister fucking smile.

  You slam the book shut. You’re hand is shaking now and you swear it feels like you’re being watched.

  Stan is the first to speak up. “I need to go home.” he says

  Everyone else agrees. They get up and start going their own separate ways home. Richie rides back with you and Eddie. You don’t really know why, but you don’t ask questions. You bike in silence. What can you say after something like that?

  “I’ll see you guys later.” Eddie says as he pulls his bike into his driveway.

  “See you, Eds.” Richie says.

  “You know I hate that, Richie.” Eddie responds. Richie smirks.

  “Yeah I know.”

  Eddie walks into his house and you stop in front of yours, but you don’t walk towards it.

  “Isn’t that your house?” Richie asks sort of curiously.

  “Yeah, I just don’t really feel like going home yet.” you reply.

  “Oh. Well, do you wanna hang out?” he asks. You get this weird feeling when he asks this question. It’s almost like nerves, but not quite.

  “Why not?” you answer and you two drop your bikes and sit on the curb.

  “Why do you call Eddie “Eds” even though you know he hates it?” you ask.

  “He doesn’t hate it.” he responds.

  “He just said he did.”

  “He didn’t mean it.” Richie responds

  “How do you know that?” you ask.

  “Just do. Did you really see a fucking clown in the woods?” He asks.

  “Yes, I really saw a fucking clown in the woods. And a snake.” you respond.

  “Well yeah. Woods usually have snakes, y/n.” he says.

  “The clown like conjured up this snake or something.” you say.

  “How do you know that?” he asks. You grow a little irritated.

  “Because it was at least six feet tall, had arms and legs, and had the face of a human. That’s how I know.” you snap back.

  “Oh.” he responds. Minutes pass in awkward silence. You were a little pissed. Your night before was shit, today you found out that some weird ass clown is haunting you and your new friends, that Derry is full of child murders, and now some boy is questioning what you saw and acting like you’re stupid.

  You turn to face him. The light from the setting sun looks really nice on him. That weird sort of feeling starts to grow. No. This wasn’t happening.

  “Why did you even come with me and Eddie?” you ask.

  “You aren’t the only one who doesn’t want to go home, y/n.” he responds. Oh. You don’t say anything. He speaks up first.

  “Why were you in the woods?”

  “I was going for a walk. I had nothing better to do.”

  “So you went for a walk in the woods?”

  “It wasn’t exactly my first choice of things to do. I didn’t really have any friends then and I didn’t have any money, so I couldn’t go to the arcade.” you respond. This boy was really annoying you. You hated being questioned.

  “You play at the arcade?” he asks rather excitedly.

  “Yeah?”

  “What’s your favorite game?”

  “Frogger.” you answer

  “Frogger? Frogger?!? Frogger fucking sucks. Street Fighter is the best.” he exclaims.

  “Street fighter is fucking stupid.”

  “Frogger is fucking stupid. All you do is move some damn frogs. Who finds that fun? In Street Fighter you get to beat the shit out of people. How do you think that’s not cool?”

  “It’s not real and that game is stupid. I’m not gonna waste my time with it.” you answer.

  “You haven’t played it? Well there’s your problem. One day we are going to the arcade together and you’re gonna play it.”

  “No I’m not.” you say.

  “I’ll convince you.”

  “Good luck with that, Tozier.”

  He smiles at you and you smile back. He has such a nice smile.

  “I should probably go home. It’s starting to get dark.” he says.

  “Yeah. I should probably go inside.” you say.

  “Alright. I’ll be seeing you.”

Taglist: @it-reader @only-if-it-matters @gay-ships-and-tea-sips @thelosers-lovers-club @veryweirdintrovert @meliketozier @stan-the-losers-club-man @longlivethetampon

[tozierslosers]

Ship: Stozier

Prompt/Request: stozier college mutual pining 👀👀

Richie Tozier was gay. And everyone knew that. He was out of the closet and everyone accepted him for that. And if they didn’t, well, Richie didn’t give a fuck. Richie had flings here and there, but nothing more. He mainly (and purposely) had flings to make his crush jealous.

Stanley Uris was bisexual. And no one knew about it. He never told anyone mainly because he was scared that his family might find out. And thus, he kept that to himself. Stan found both girls and guys cute and hot. He liked girls more, but there was just one guy that made him (really) gay.

Stan and Richie shared a dorm. And so did Mike and Bill. Eddie had a dorm room with Bev, and Ben lived a few blocks off-campus. This was all convenient, especially for Stan.

“Keep it down!” Stan yelled as he tried to focus on his homework. It was hard to focus since all he heard were moans and the constant words of “oh, yes, Richie!” or “ugh, fuck!” coming from the room of Richie.

Stan clenched his fists. Richie always did this. And it was annoying as fuck. Richie would bring home a guy and they’d hit it off. Yet, Stan would never see that person in their dorm ever again. This time, it was a dude from their Econ class. Stan just had to wait a few more minutes, and it would be quiet.

Stan was wrong. Who knows how long they were at it. He got up and grabbed his coat, and went to Mike and Bill’s dorm. He didn’t even bother knocking; he just went in their dorm right away.

“Uh, come in?” Bill said when Stan plopped down on the couch.

“I’m already inside.” Stan replied, tired.

“Richie?” Mike asked and Stan nodded.

“Damn. That’s the third time this week.” Mike said.

“And it’s only Wednesday.” Stan said. He knew it shouldn’t affect him this much, but he couldn’t help it. He was jealous. It should have been him with Richie. Not those people he didn’t know. Stan ignored the thought that he wanted to be with Richie.

Richie went outside of his room, expecting Stan to be there. He was disappointed when he wasn’t. Richie sighed and took a shower and changed into some comfortable clothes.

“So, tomorrow?” the guy asked as he changed.

“Nah.” Richie shook his head.

“But-“

“Bye!” Richie dragged him out of their dorm. He called Stan, but he didn’t answer. Stan was probably tired of Richie fucking. And Richie was tired of it too. But, he had to do it. So he could make Stan jealous. Richie opened the door again. “Wait!”

The guy, Brad or Chad, Richie didn’t know, looked back. “What?”

“Let’s date!”

-

It was a month full of awkward moments, hateful stares, and fucking within the Losers Club. Daryl, Richie found out, was his name. And Daryl would hang out with Richie and the Losers, which resulted in some awkward moments. Stan would stare daggers at Richie’s “boyfriend” every time they were together. Also, Stan had to leave his own dorm and stay at the others dorm because of Richie and Daryl.

Richie liked Daryl, but only as a friend. He’d only been dating him to make Stan jealous. And Richie didn’t know if Stan even liked him or even if Stan got jealous. Richie was tired of this whole act.

“Hey, where are ya going?” Daryl asked as Richie stood up.

“I’m gonna take a shower and then I gotta go somewhere.” Richie replied in monotone.

“Want me to join you?”

“No thanks. Just, uh, see yourself out.” Richie said as he closed the bathroom door. He had to try to fix things with Stan, since he knew that Stan was pissed at him. Richie missed hanging out with Stan in the dorm, watching movies and binge-watching shows. He missed Stan who was a neat freak and would go crazy if he saw one thing displaced. He missed the smell of Stan’s perfume. He missed the light brown, curly-haired boy who would deadpan him. Richie missed his best friend.

-

“I’m so fucking tired!” Stan yelled. Bev, Eddie, Bill, Mike and Ben were all in Ben’s apartment. “He’s always with Daryl! And it’s like he prioritizes that dude more than us! And not to mention that they are constantly making out and fucking!” Stan couldn’t help but feel mad and a bit jealous.

“Wow. You gotta chill, Stan the Man.” Mike said.

“Someone’s jealous!” Eddie said in a sing-song voice. Stan widened his eyes.

“I’m not! Why would I even be jealous?” Stan scoffed and crossed his arms over his chest.

“Because you are really mad at him.” Bill said.

“And you’re in love with Richie.” Bev said.

“And you want to be with Trashmouth.” Ben said. Stan opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out.

“Holy shit, you DO like Richie, don’t you?” Mike asked. There was an awkward silence that hung in the room.

“No. Of course not.” Stan said.

“Stan, come on. You can tell us anything. You know that, right?” Bev said. Stan nodded, tears threatening to spill. But he didn’t say a word.

“Stan?” Bill asked.

“I’m bisexual.” Stan said. No one said a word, they just gave each other glances. “SEE! THIS IS EXACTLY WHY I DIDN’T TELL ANYONE. YOU GUYS ARE JUDGING ME!” Stan said, crying.

“Stan, we’re not judging.” Eddie said, wrapping an arm around Stan to comfort him.

“Yeah? Then why were you guys looking at each other? Why didn’t you say anything?”

“We… Already kinda knew.” Bev said.

“We weren’t a hundred percent sure…” Bill said.

“But now that we know, we accept you Stanley.” Ben said, smiling. Stan wiped away the tears.

“R-Really?”

“Yup.” Mike said. Stan smiled.

“Thanks guys.” They all hugged Stan.

“So, when are you gonna tell Richie?” Eddie asked.

“Tell him what?” Stan replied.

“That you like him!” Bev said.

“I, uh, I won’t?”

“What?” Bill said.

“You gotta tell him! I don’t want him hanging out with that Daryl dude anymore.” Mike said.

“Plus, you gotta stop coming to our dorms.” Bev said and they all nodded.

“No hard feelings, Stanley, but we’re tired of you barging into our dorms.” Mike said and Eddie nodded.

“Well, what do I do if I tell him and he doesn’t like me back?” Stan asked.

“That’s impossible. He already li-” Eddie began but Bev put her hand over his mouth.

“What?” Stan asked, confused.

“Uh, nothing. Just Eddie being Eddie.” Ben said.

“Ow!” Bev shrieked. “You bit me!”

“And now, my mouth is covered with germs!” Eddie complained and ran to the bathroom.

“So, when are you gonna tell Richie?” Bill asked.

“Tell Richie what?” A voice behind them said, making them all jump.

“Hey! Richie!” Mike greeted him. Stan turned around and saw Richie. He looked really good today. He was wearing black skintight jeans, a white shirt with a black leather jacket, and black boots, and his curly black hair was wet, meaning he just got out of the shower.

“Take a picture, it’ll last longer.” Richie winked at Stan. Stan blushed. He’d been caught staring at Richie.

“I, uh, gotta go.” Stan said but Richie blocked him.

“I gotta tell you something.” Richie said in a deep voice. Stan gulped.

“Uh, sure. What is it?” Richie looked at the others.

“Not here.” And with that, Richie took Stan’s hand and they walked out of Ben’s apartment. Richie was still holding Stan’s hand as they went back in the campus, and people started staring at them.

“Let go.” Stan said. He was getting anxious now. People might start to spread rumors about them.

“Not yet.” Richie said. they went back in their dorm, and Richie finally let go.

“What do you want?” Stan asked, crossing his arms. Richie looked at the shorter boy. Stan’s hair was all over the place because of the wind. Stan was wearing a light blue polo shirt, khaki shorts, and his white, really white, Converse shoes. Richie took in the sight of the cute boy in front of him.

“Richie!” Stan yelled, catching his attention.

“That’s my name. Don’t wear it out.”

“Where’s Daryl?” Stan asked.

“I broke up with him.” Richie took a step closer to Stan. And Stan took a step back.

“Why?”

“Did you get jealous? That Daryl and I were together?” Another step closer. Another step back.

“No.”

“Are you SURE, Stanley?” A step closer, and another step back. Stan’s back hit the wall, and he knew he was cornered.

“Yes, Richie. Why would I even be jealous?” Stan said.

“Because you like me.” Richie said, their faces inches apart, Richie staring into Stan’s eyes.

“I-I don’t… Like you.” Stan said, staring back.

“Oh yeah?” Richie challenged. Stan’s eyes went to Richie’s pink lips. “Gotcha.” Richie smirked and whispered. Before Richie could say anything else, Stan put his lips on Richie’s, and Stan put his arms around Richie’s neck. Richie kissed back after a few seconds, putting his hands under Stan’s ass and carried the shorter boy, as Stan let out a squeal and wrapped his legs around Richie’s waist. Richie took the opportunity to put his tongue in Stan’s mouth, earning a moan from Stan. They pulled away, chests heaving. Richie rested his forehead on Stan’s.

“You don’t like me?” Richie smirked.

“No, I don’t.” Stan said, pulling Richie’s hair, earning a moan. “I love you.”

oKAY SO I FINALLY FINISHED THIS AND UH TBH I TGOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT THIS SO IM SORRY ASJKDHSKJ BUT UHHH IDK I KINDA LIKE THIS

[snapsnapmyturtleback-blog]

Headcannons for the Group Therapy fic thing cuz it was requested like twice that I continue this so. I might do a fic later, no promises.

This also includes stuff already mentioned in the fic ‘Group Therapy’ which I wrote :D

I know someone else made some headcannons that i kind of base some of these on ? but i read a lot of headcannons so i dont exactly know which are based and what theyre based on. Sorry.

-Eddie has social anxiety and is a huge germaphobe

-He and Stan bond over cleaning things and how neat things should be.

-Eddie is very nurturing and will disregard his germaphobia if it means he can comfort someone

-also very badass ??? Eddie will use all of his first aid kit for his friends and he’ll punch people in the face if they mess with them

-Eddie is the only one that Stan will touch him bc Stan knows that this kid washes his hands more than Richie makes crude jokes and he basically bathes in hand sanitizer so he’s the cleanest

-Eddie is so good at handling emotional episodes and panic attacks that the others go through ?

-Like he’s internally freaking tf out but in the outside he’s so cool and collected that it’s hard to feel threatened around him

-has like friend crushes on everyone ? Like he only wants to date Richie but he loves he others so much that he hates being apart from them

-Stan has OCD and is obsessed with the number three.

-He prefers Stan over Stanley because Stan Uris is three syllables.

-Everything in his room is sorted in three; pants, shorts, and underwear. Polos, button ups, and t shirts. Etc.

-Everything he does is in sets of three and he’s constantly bullied bc of the panic attacks he’ll get during class or when he helps the teacher clean up and ends up sort everything in the classroom into threes.

-Stan’s dad took him birdwatching in an attempt to get Stan out of the house but at the same time keep him in a calm environment and he loved it so much so now they regularly go birdwatching for exactly three hours

-Stan goes to school two hours early so he can arrive at six and he is allowed to leave three minutes before everyone else so he doesn’t have to come in contact with people

-for the first week of school, they forced Stan to try and be like everyone else and it didn’t work ??

-like he doesn’t know what they expected but he couldn’t do anything bc if he wasn’t having a panic attack, he was compulsively tapping his desk or the wall in threes in an attempt to calm himself down

-Stan wakes up at five thirty am every morning

-he goes to bed at nine pm

-it’s like fucking clockwork and if he’s even a minute off, he’ll be hella upset and no one wants to see Stan upset

-Mike has insomnia and stays awake for days on end.

-He survives purely on coffee from the coffee shop located down the street from the school where the rest of the losers go to

-he’s really good at hiding the bags under his eyes by keeping his head tilted forward so the bags look like shadows and no one looks close enough to tell the difference.

-if it gets bad, he uses make up to cover up the bags under his eyes

-he loves talking to people so much ? Especially kids his age bc he isn’t really exposed to anything back at the farm

-he was actually the only one who was really excited to do the group activity

-Bev and Richie were okay with it bc they knew they’d see each other but Mike was excited !!

-new people to meet and talk to ??? Hell yes !

-he and Ben hang out pretty regularly at the library to find history books and discuss them

-they’ve gotten into some pretty awesome debates that would end abruptly bc they’d get really heated and the two boys would start laughing bc they can’t take each other seriously

-Mike likes to draw and he does it mostly when he can’t sleep

-One time Richie had spilled some water on a picture that Mike was drawing and Mike didn’t talk to Richie for a week and a half

-Ben had to convince him that Richie didn’t mean it and that Richie was probably sorry

-of course Eddie made Richie apologize

-it wasn’t very sincere bc Richie + an apology is just a mess

-but Mike accepted it and forgave him nonetheless

-Bill has mild depression and can see and hear a clown (Pennywise) talk about his brother

-no one else can see this thing so Bill feels like he’s tripping balls 90% of the time

-he can see Georgie too which is why he’s so adamant about finding him alive bc he can’t be seeing Georgie’s dead ghost ?? That’s not allowed ??

-Bills stutter had gotten so much worse after Georgie’s disappearance and at this point he just doesn’t talk in public

-Bev steals money from her father for cigs and weed that she buys from Richie because he charges her a lot less then most of the dealers she’s encountered

-she has like three outfits that she wears but that’s it. Don’t even try to buy her clothes bc she just won’t accept it.

-she smokes her sadness and fear away. That’s how she copes and it’s really not a good habit but she doesn’t really care

-Beverly and Richie smoke up on the rooftops during gym class and sometimes whenever Richie needs a break during whatever class bc the boy gets very overwhelmed very easily ??

-Bev is the only person who can tell when he’s getting overwhelmed and since they had every class except for Spanish and geography, she’ll always pull him aside and go for a smoke whenever he looks tense.

-Beverly is such a fucking babe ? Like she does literally nothing and she’s so pretty ? But she hates compliments with a passion.

-only Richie can compliment her without getting slapped

-I’m living for the Bev and Richie friendship tbh they’re like siblings and will die for each other.

-one time Henry Bowers was hitting on Bev and wouldn’t leave her alone and Richie fucking decked him

-Richie left with a black eye, busted lip, some cuts, and some burn marks (curtsy to Patrick) but it was fucking worth it

-Bev is like 10/10 great at making deals. Patrick and her are actually acquaintances bc Bev gives him new lighters when his run out of fuel from terrorizing people and his weed goes missing all the time so she give him some of hers so he’ll leave her alone

-Ben is so fucking soft ?? I love him so much

-he is literally the embodiment of a book, flower, and warm aesthetic

-Ben cares about people so much ? Like he will fuss about his friends eating but then he will forget (or sometimes purposely) to eat

-he’ll be so into writing poetry for someone cough Bev cough that he’ll just not do his homework or remind himself to stay hydrated

-but what’s weird is that when he reads, he’ll be brought back down. Like the self image problems and the forgetfulness temporarily go away

-he’ll be reading a history book that he borrowed from Mike and suddenly he’ll remember that he hadn’t eaten all day and he’ll ask his mom for something to snack on as he reads

-or maybe he’ll be reading a book for school and then he’ll think “shit when was the last time I had some water ?”

-And he spends most of his free time in the library reading or writing so he knows the librarian personally and uses her first name

-he even has his own little place to go with a mini fridge so he has something to eat whenever it hits him that he needs to do shit to s u r v i v e

-Richie doesn’t even want to go to therapy but it’s helping him so he just deals with it

-Eddie and Bev being there is also a plus

-Richie is broke asf so he basically makes Bev pay for his sessions in exchange for weed

-He steals the weed from Patrick and whenever the school decides to have drug dogs come, he just slips that shit right back into Patrick’s locker

-Richie really likes Eddie ?? And he sees Stan as like a little brother that’s easy to annoy

-he’s indifferent towards Ben and Mike bc like he doesn’t interact with them very much but when he does, they’re okay

-Bill is a fifty fifty. Sometimes Richie respects him bc the dudes brother is dead and here he is getting help that’s pretty fucking cool but other times it’s like shit does this kid ever take less then ten minutes to say something ?? And who tf does he think he is telling Richie what he can and cannot say

-Richie has little to no sexual experience so everything he jokes about is purely based off of what he’s read online

-the little experience that Richie does have is making out with Bev while they’re high

-Richie is always the second to arrive (Stans first, he arrives three hours early) and he’s always the last to leave with Eddie.

-he does the same with school, even if he does skip a lot

-he’s really fucking smart tho so skipping class never fucks with his grades

-he tries to stay out for as long as possible bc the boy doesn’t like staying home alone or with his drunk mom

-he has some anger issues

-he and Bev have a thing where every night they go out and break shit

-he really cares about these idiots in his group therapy

-like he could get extremely annoyed with them sometimes but he will fight for them

-Stan was once trapped in a locker by the Bowers gang and Richie was the one who found him

-Stan was freaking out bc he was in an unsanitary locker and he was supposed to have left two hours ago

-Richie calmed him down and took him home

-now Stan allows both Richie and Eddie to touch him

-Stan is basically Reddie’s son at this point

-Richie steals everyone’s clothes all the time and he just walks into they’re house, except for Bev.

-Knocking is not a concept to this kid and it pisses everyone off

-Richie once walked in on Bev and Ben making out in Bens room. He simply smiled and said “wow the new kids on the block poster must be a real turn on for this sex fest, eh ?” and left

-Richie now has a burn mark on his collarbone from Bevs cigarette

-Richie has to take like three different medications and when they were trying to figure out the dosage, it was a rough couple of weeks

-basically these kids are all fucking messed but we love them anyways

[richiefuckfacetozier]

Hey, you asked me to send my request to this blog for the one shots of Reddie's first dates from the Losers club chats (the one at the quarry and the one at Swirl World), so here it is! Thank you so much for saying yes, I can't wait to read them, again, you're amazing😊

Here is part 1 of your request! Sorry it has taken so long. I was trying to write in first person for a change of pace, but it was hard since I haven’t really done it before. I hope you like it!

Not A Date vs A Date

By @thetheatregal and @sam-i-am2468

Based off this text chat from our side blog @wearethelosersclub

Part 1: Not A Date - Eddie Kaspbrak POV

I knew this was not a real date. Something I had to keep reminding myself over and over. That didn’t stop me from staying up half the night worrying about it. Trying to calm my thoughts but tossing and turning instead. Now I had 45 minutes to kill because it also didn’t prevent me from getting ready way too early to make sure everything was perfect.

I steadied myself in the mirror, flattening my hair and straightening my polo shirt thinking about how I got myself into this “date” situation. You see, after having a huge fight with my best friend, Richie, about a guy who had asked me out. He wanted to make it up to me.

So he told me…we should go on a date.

I was not sure what to think when he suggested it and I’m sure he didn’t realize the complete mess he turned me into. I was fairly certain my brain stopped working for a solid hour before I agreed to do it. He was probably joking and being his flirty Trashmouth self, but the longer I thought about the idea of my first date being with my best friend, it sounded perfect.

Not to mention I am completely and utterly in love with him. How could this possibly be a bad idea?

I spent the 45 minutes I had until Richie came to pack a picnic basket I made. Then I unpacked it then packed it again with food we both love: roast beef sandwiches, chips, pesto pasta, sodas, a canister of hot chocolate, brownies, and an assortment of candy. The candy was mostly for my sugar toothed date.

Ugh…but it’s not a real dateeee.

Richie drove up to my house right on time and I dashed out before my mom could ask any questions. He smiled broadly as I hopped in the front seat. He looked effortlessly attractive with his messy black hair and big adorable red glasses. It is honestly unfair to my heart. He handed me the blankets he brought to keep us warm and his portable CD player. Then drove us to our NOT date and we caught up on everything.

We actually had a lot to catch up on because our fight lasted 3 days.

3 miserable as fuck days. I spent the first in my room pretending to be sick, crying a lot and wishing Richie would text me. He had sent a slew of messages yelling at me and saying I deserved better than the guy who asked me out. I was SO confused. It was unclear if he was trying to protect me as a friend or…something more.

The second day consisted of more moping, watching sad movies, eating all the ice cream in the fridge, and re-reading the horrible texts until they were permanently ingrained in my brain.

The third day, Bill forced his way over. He brought me more ice cream, bless his heart, and we watched The Notebook. I’m a cliché, I know. When we finally got around to talking about how Richie and I were going to make up and stop fighting, I was adamant about it not being my responsibility.

“He yelled at me.” I said to Bill in frustration. “I shouldn’t have to text him. He wants to be a dick? Fine. Let him live up to his name.” I remember feeling so mad that my hands were shaking.

“Eddie, I know you are st-stubborn but just text him.” Bill pleaded.

“No.”

“Do it for the Losers?” He coaxed.

“No, fuck you all.” I was in fine form that day.

“Wow, ok.” Bill stayed silent contemplating a new tactic. “You cuh-could give him your secret Santa gift?”

“Why?” I eyed him suspiciously.

“Peace offering wuh-without having to say a wuh-word.”

I considered it bitterly. He was right. I could leave the gift at Richie’s house and not bother with talking. I did want to give it to him. It was a mix CD of songs that remind me of us. “Alright, but you have to bring it to his house.” I pointed at his chest aggressively. “I’m not leaving and it is your idea.”

I crossed my arms petulantly and he frowned, “You’re such a baby.”

I wish I was Richie’s baby. Yikes. Where did that thought come from? I glanced back at Bill who was giving me an odd stare, so I stuck my tongue out and claimed I didn’t want to talk about it anymore.

Anyway, it all worked out. We forgave each other. Things are fine.

And now we are on a date.

A “not date” date. Though I wished it was real because Richie is so hot, and he was right, going on a date with someone you like is way better than wasting it on someone who you think is nice. Even though my hands were sweaty, the butterflies were killing me and I almost passed out. It’s not a real date, get that in your head.

We went to the quarry for our NOT date, which was my idea because that’s where Bill introduced us. It’s where we became friends. We spent some of the best summers of our lives messing around and having a blast.

Which meant it was about as romantic a gesture as I could think of to make.

As adorable as my idea was, actually eating by a lake in December in Maine was a MISTAKE. I wrapped myself in four layers of clothing and still could not handle the cold. I shivered from head to foot. Every time I spoke, my teeth chattered and Richie would laugh.

“Sto-o-op fu-fucking laughin’!” I complained.

“He speaks! You’ve barely said anything since we got here.” Richie chuckled as he placed another blanket around me.

“I’m c-cold. It’s hard.” I responded anxiously.

“I wish I was hard.” Richie wiggled his eyebrows in that annoying way he does.

“Beep Beep.” I was not silent because of the cold. I was silent because I was so nervous my mind could not think straight.

Not that I ever think straight around Richie anyway.

We ate our sandwiches and Richie talked extra admittedly about something that happened with him and Stanley. I was busy watching his lips move and wishing I could kiss them.

Except THIS IS NOT A DATE.

Fuck, I wish this was a date.

There is this way Richie speaks to me, which is completely unique to our relationship. He checks my eyes making sure I am focused on every detail of his story. He usually wraps his arms around my shoulders or hooks his arm with mine so that my attention is constantly on him. He will make crude comments to get me to talk to him. Even when we are in a group, it always feels like every word is directed at me.

Maybe that’s my wishful thinking.

I also think he worries that I will get tired of him. I don’t see that ever happening. If anything, I am obsessed with him in every way. I love the sweet way he pushes his hair out of his glasses. Speaking of his glasses, sometimes I keep track of how many times he adjusts them on his face. He is at 11 times for today. I adore how he cannot walk straight to save his life and is extremely clumsy. I appreciate how easy it is to talk to him about anything and everything. I never feel judged for something I say. I always breathe a little easier when he is near me.

“Why didn’t you wear gloves? Eds, you are usually so careful about that.” Richie looked ready to grab my hands and warm them up but he held himself back.

Damn him. I purposely didn’t wear gloves so he would hold my hands, but of course…this isn’t a date so I shouldn’t be so desperate.

When he’s around, I always gravitate toward him craving his nearness. Richie’s the only person who I would honestly beg to just touch me. Any time he does, I pretend to be annoyed but usually lean in closer. Sometimes, he will hold my hand then swing it back and forth. If he tries to pull away I squeeze his palm without looking at him, so he will let his hand linger longer. I have been in an incredible amount of denial about how I felt for him for so long that I swear I don’t know how to act around him anymore.

At some point, Richie turned his CD player on. He skipped through a bunch of tracks to whatever CD was in there then let it play. I took a sip of the soda I was drinking then immediately spat it out. I started choking as Take My Breath Away played through the speakers. He patted my back and I put up a hand to signal I was alright.

I most certainly was not alright.

“We don’t need to listen to my mix CD for you.” I said hurriedly reaching over to turn it off. Richie grabbed my arms and pushed me back into my spot.

“I love this mix.” Richie grinned still holding my arms. I felt my cheeks heat up from the contact. His face was really close to mine. His eyes seemed to consider whether to kiss me as they flickered to my lips. He even leaned in a little more and his warm breath hit my face. I didn’t move because I was too focused on slowing down my pounding heart. Instead of kissing me, he reluctantly let go of my arms and sat back.

Guess he doesn’t want to kiss me.

Fuck my life.

The beginning of the mix CD was friendship songs but about halfway through were only love songs. Guess where Richie started the mix at? THE LOVE SONGS. He is a monster. As each love song played, I internally screamed at myself for how obvious and pathetic I am.

I waited for Richie to make fun of me for it but he didn’t comment on me being hopelessly in love with him. Instead, he mentioned how Ed Sheeran’s Perfect Duet was his favorite on the track. I put that song on because it basically described our entire relationship. Not that I would say that aloud.

The chords of the next song started to play. “This is my favorite.” I said quietly.

“Yeah? Elvis Presley? He was the King of sex and roll.” Richie smirked at me.

“I think you mean ROCK and roll.” I grumbled but smiled despite myself.

Richie barked out a laugh. “Then I will take the title, King of sex.” I don’t even want to talk about how much that line made my body heat up. Who needs four layers of clothes and two blankets when you have Richie fucking Tozier blatantly flirting with you?

Wise men say only fools rush in

Hello wise men, my name is Eddie fool Kaspbrak.

But I can’t help falling in love with you…

I wish Richie would stop staring so intently at the side of my face. I can feel myself fidgeting under his gaze.  

Shall I stay? Would it be a sin?

My mother would certainly think so. Gross, can I not think about my mother right now?

If I can’t help falling in love with you?

This song alone should have convinced Richie that I want something real.

Like a river flows surely to the sea

Darling so it goes s ome things are meant to be…

I believe we are meant to be. I wonder if he feels the same.

Take my hand, take my whole life too…

I was hyper-aware of how close Richie’s hand was to mine. There was roughly a half inch space between our pinkies.

For I can’t help falling in love with you…

Ain’t that the fucking truth.

Like a river flows surely to the sea

Darling so it goes…

He is such an idiot, who would not hold my hand during our not real date.

Some things are meant to be…

Just as I was ready to give up hope and put my hand in my lap, Richie grabbed a hold of it as Elvis sang:

Take my hand, take my whole life too

For I can’t help falling in love with you…

Richie’s calloused hands felt strong and confident against my soft ones. He entwined our fingers together slowly. I peeked at him and he was smiling to himself.

For I can’t help falling in love with you.

I truly can’t help it.

We parked outside my house for a bit before I went inside just talking. As the last bit of the conversation died, I can’t even remember what we were talking about, the atmosphere in the car changed. It was a moment where my body was asking for one thing but then my brain was saying what are you doing just say thank you and goodnight. I didn’t want to say thank you and good night. I wanted to tell him how much I craved for us to do this again but for real. I wanted to hold his hand and tell him he is an idiot but at least he is my idiot. I glanced over at Richie, who seemed to be waiting for something. I wondered in that moment how long a person could stare at another before it became uncomfortable.

I kept telling myself to stop staring and say something because I look like an idiot and I am probably freaking him out.

“Well thanks, as far as a first date goes it was far from ideal,” I watched as Richie began to frown, so I quickly waved my arms letting him know I wasn’t done. “What I mean is, if it was with anyone else I probably would be complaining about it to the group now but with you…with you we could have been anywhere and it would be perfect.”

“Damn Eddie, I think that was the nicest thing you ever said to me.”

“Yeah well…don’t get used to it,” I smiled as the dufus gave me the biggest grin in return.

Ugh, why don’t you love me?

“Thanks, Rich, goodnight.”

Quickly, I got out the car because I really didn’t know what else to say. We had been parked outside for a while and I wouldn’t want Ma to come out to check on what was happening and anyway I didn’t want things to get awkward. Where neither of us knew what to say and then I panic and get weird.

Walking up to my front door, I heard Richie’s car door slam and I turned to see what was wrong. He came running up to me and before I could open my mouth his lips were on mine.

He fucking kissed me!

It was short, okay maybe more of a brush of the lips but still. My heart raced, I got these dumb butterflies and literally my brain shut down.

When Richie pulled back, I could see that stupid smug grin on his face as he soaked up my reaction. I’m sure I looked like a deer caught in headlights but honestly, if you asked me my name right then I probably would not be able to answer.

“First dates are important but so are first kisses. Thought you deserved one from someone important too. You’re very welcome Eddie.” he said bowing as if he just performed his greatest performance.

So, of course, I did the only thing that my brain would allow me. I punched him in the stomach, causing him to stumble back ever so slightly as he grunted. I turned on my heel muttered ‘asshole’ and walked inside. See what I mean? I panicked and got weird.

I couldn’t help but turn back and watch as he walked to his car, with a little pep in his step. Clearly, that ruined nothing and I laughed thinking back to that dumb little kiss.

As far as not dates go, it was incredible.

Reddie tag list: @ohheydatsme @slashpalooza @sammy8675309  

(@reddie-brasil you didn’t ask to be on this but i love ya)