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ghouljams · 17 days ago

Text

Alone on Christmas? Mad at your dad?

Rating: E (MDNI) Words: ~11k Tags: Ghost x f!Reader, Dirtbag!Ghost, strangers -> ???, groping, non-con kissing, coerced consent, oral (F!Receiving), fingering, squirting, piv sex, kidnapping? Summary: A stranger online promises he'll make your parents' Christmas hell, and you're eager to take him up on the offer. You may have bitten off more than you can chew.

<Alone on Christmas? Mad at your dad?

[casual encounters]

“I am a 35 year old former SAS operator with no A levels, tattoos, and a motorcycle. I can play anywhere from 30 to 40 depending on if I shave. I’m a line cook and I work late nights at my mate’s bar. If you’d like to have me pretend to be in a long term serious relationship with you, to torment your family, I’m game.

I can do these things, at your request:

Openly hit on female guests while you act like you don’t notice

Start instigative discussions about religion and/or politics

Propose to you in front of everyone

Talk at length about my time in the army including what it felt like to kill a man(good or bad your choice)

Pretend to be really drunk as the evening goes on(don’t drink much these days, but I know the drill)

Start an actual, physical fight with a family member, either inside or on the front lawn for all the neighbors to see.

Only pay I want is the free meal and the entertainment.”

-do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers

RE: “Alone on Christmas? Mad at your dad?”

To:[email protected]

From:[email protected]

Is this offer still open?

RE: RE: “Alone on Christmas? Mad at your dad?”

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]

Depends how far you want me to travel.

-S

RE: RE: RE: “Alone on Christmas? Mad at your dad?”

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]

Any chance you’re in the XXXXX area? I’ll buy you lunch and we can talk details.

RE: RE: RE: RE: “Alone on Christmas? Mad at your dad?”

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]

Close enough for a free meal. I’m in XXXX

-S

RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: “Alone on Christmas? Mad at your dad?”

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]

Let’s meet at Gallery Eats. Also can you send me an ID or something so I know what you look like?

RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: “Alone on Christmas? Mad at your dad?”

[attachment] [attachment]

Know you birds get jumpy, send it out to your little friends.

Tuesday 15:30

See you there

-S

He’s already at the shop when you get there, scrolling through his phone with his legs spread wide under the little wooden table, a full-face motorcycle helmet taking up more than half of the tiny tabletop.

You hadn’t realized how big the guy would be. Even sitting down he’s massive. You’d bet money he’s over six foot, and he easily eclipses the little cafe chair he’s settled in. His craigslist ad wasn’t lying when it said “tattoos.” The guy’s arms are covered in swirling black ink, and you follow the line of it up to the dark collar of his shirt where it peaks out to creep up his neck. He’s perfect. Your folks will hate him.

Dark eyes meet yours and a smirk creeps over his face, it tugs at a thin scar bisecting his lips.

He stands, and you bee-line for him.

“Thank god you look like your picture.” You huff, settling your bag on the chair across from him.

“That any way ta greet your man?” He grunts, holding a hand out. “Simon.”

You take his hand with a smile, and feel thick fingers wrap around your own. You glance down at the dark seal on the back of his hand, the carefully inked numbers already fading with age spelling out “141.”

“So,” He smiles, leaning so far back in his seat that the chair tips, “How mad are we talkin’?”

It turns out Simon’s motorcycle isn’t his only mode of transportation. You roll up to your parents house in a half-wrapped muscle car that Simon claims he’s been “working on” and you can almost smell the distaste radiating off of your folks when they peak through the front window. Simon makes a big show of ignoring you while you try to get the oddly shaped Christmas gifts out of the trunk, lighting a cigarette and checking his phone while you struggle. Finally your parents decide to wander out onto their front step, and your father stalks over to take the bulkier gifts from you while Simon eyes him.

You grin at him, already pleased with his grumbling and glaring at Simon. Simon, for his part, offers a, “Sure it ain’t too heavy old man?” That makes a vein on your father’s temple throb angrily. He ambles after you and your father, and makes a show of giving your mom a once over.

“Sweetheart!” Your mother grimace-smiles at you, “Who is this?”

“This is Simon,” You sigh, leaning against Simon with a dopey smile, “My boyfriend.”

“Boyfriend.” Your mother grits her teeth, “You didn’t say you were bringing a guest.”

“Oh I know, but you can pull up a chair, right?” You gasp, “We’re not messing up your table are we?”

Your mother’s eye twitches. You know her well enough to know she’s already thinking about people bumping elbows at an overcrowded table. You can almost hear your little cousins complain about the lack of space. You also know she’ll never admit her annoyance in front of a guest.

“Of course not.” She smiles tightly, “The more the merrier.” She turns to Simon. “It’s nice to meet you Simon.”

Simon finally takes his cue, tossing his ashy cigarette onto the stone walkway with a flick of his fingers. He exhales nearly into your mother’s face before seemingly remembering last minute that, that’s rude.

“Nice to meet you,” His eyes flick down to your mother’s chest, “Can see where the bird gets ‘er tits from.”

You could scream with laughter the way your mother’s lips tighten into a thin line and her brows twitch down ever so slightly, the picture of barely contained shock and disgust. You can feel your father fuming on the other side of you.

“Why don’t we put presents down?” You chirp, trying to play at oblivious while Simon leers at your mother. She does her best to subtly cross her arms and tug the neck of her sweater closed. “Simon, do you have a hand to help dad?”

“Course, sweet’eart.” He hums, leaning to kiss your temple. A sweet gesture if he didn’t grab a handful of your ass at the same time, angled precisely so you’re sure your dad can see. “Christ you got a fat ass,” He mumbles, his voice low and graveled as he squeezes you again. You feel your cheeks heat in spite of yourself. It’s all pretend, all things you’ve talked about, but that doesn’t stop your body from reacting. His big hand lingers, fingers dragging over your ass as he pushes past your parents into the house. Uninvited.

You ignore your mother’s pointed look under the pretense of juggling presents, pushing into the house after your fake boyfriend.

Simon unceremoniously snatches the gifts from your father as soon as he’s in the house, haphazardly tossing the boxes under the tree while you carefully place your own presents, seemingly ignorant of your boyfriend’s lack of care.

“So how was the drive?” Your dad asks, trying to find something to talk about.

“Bloody awful,” Simon butts in before you can answer, he jerks his head in your direction, “‘ad to listen to the bird’s music the ‘ole time.”

“I thought you liked my music,” You pout.

“When tha fuck ‘ave I ever said that?” He snaps at you. You stifle the flinch and watch Simon’s brows draw down ever so slightly.

When you’d gone through all the details for this he’d told you to try and temper your flinching, assured you that you didn’t need to be scared of him, that if you were dating he’d never lay a hand on you. That didn’t stop his quick, harsh, response from startling you. At least the small crease in his brow made you think he didn’t enjoy the reaction.

“When we first met.” You smile, playing it off.

“And you believed that?” Simon huffs, “Can’t believe I’m the first one to grab ya off the street with ‘ow gullible ya are.”

You blink at him, and turn to hastily cover for him to your dad.

“A consensual grabbing.” You assure him.

“Think I’m still deaf in my right ear from ‘ow loud ya screamed.” Simon grumbles, digging a finger into his ear as if to demonstrate his hearing loss. You feel your cheeks heat reflexively. Even fictional it’s embarrassing to imagine that you might have met a long term serious boyfriend in a kidnapping attempt.

Nevermind that the idea of someone like Simon grabbing you off the street is a major plot point in some of your favorite videos. You try to keep your mind out of the gutter, a difficult task with Simon’s fingers grazing your ass.

“It was a prank.” You continue covering.

“Bet actually.” Simon corrects in an attempt to make things worse. “Seein’ ‘oo could take the prettiest bird ‘ome.” He nudges your dad as if he’s bringing him in on the joke, “Should’ve seen ‘ow much this one struggled, should’ve known she’d be an ‘andful.”

“Your friends sound-” Your dad swallows whatever distaste boils behind his tongue in an effort to keep the peace, “interesting.”

“Served together.” Simon sniffs.

“Oh!” Your father seems to brighten at this new information.

“Lost a lot of good men, but kept all the worst, eh bird?” Simon tosses a smile your way. The playful grin lights up his face, tugs at his scars in a way that’s far too charming.

“Where did you serve?” Your father asks, too eager for war talk.

“Went where I was needed.” Simon grunts. It’s an end to the conversation. You can see your father trying to think of where to go from there, if he should push for a different answer or ask about if Simon enjoyed his time in the service. He settles on exactly what you’re sure Simon was hoping for.

“So what do you do now?”

You almost brace yourself for his answer, and you’re glad for the added tension in your shoulders because it stops you from barking out a laugh.

“Beside fuckin’ the bird?” He doesn’t get another word out before your father growls out a loud.

“Alright-” that your mother cuts off with her well timed, if sudden entrance.

“Your aunt is on her way,” She informs you, “She’s excited to meet your boyfriend.”

“You got a lot of people comin’ ta this thing?” Simon asks, as if you hadn’t given him a full guest list.

“Just a few,” Your mother smiles, “my sister lives nearby so she’ll be bringing her boys.”

“Would’ve been nice ta know there were brats comin’ ta this thing,” Simon gives you a look and you pout.

“I told you this was a family thing.” You remind him.

“Didn’t know ya had so much family,” He sniffs, “Brother isn’t comin’ ta this too is ‘e?”

You have to stop yourself from grinning at the family landmine Simon so perfectly walked into.

“Henry doesn’t come to family functions anymore,” Your mother tells him curtly.

“Heard ‘e got tired of havin’ you scare off ‘is girls,” Simon grins, “thought you’d be a bigger bitch.” You choke. You mother’s gaze whips to you and you carefully go about adjusting the presents under the tree just so you don’t have to look at her.

“Well I don’t know where you heard that,” The high note in your mother’s voice betrays her, the faux-calmness barely covering the boiling anger that’s starting to show, “but it’s not true.”

“Are you callin’ me a liar,” Simon’s voice takes an icy note in response and you glance over your shoulder to watch him roll his shoulders back. You can see the way his musculature moves even under his jumper. The threat is palpable, and also completely inappropriate for the situation.

He’s good at this.

It’s your father’s turn to diffuse the situation.

“You a footie fan?” He asks, because he’s ass at calming your mother (or anyone else) down. You can practically feel Simon’s attention shift, like the air in the room has to adjust to the pressure he exerts.

“City.” Simon huffs. You dad grins, and you know exactly what he’s going to say. Playful ribbing that somehow always ends in a screaming match.

“Manchester boy, eh? Ya find it hard losin’ to Liverpool all the time or do ya get used to it?” Your father jokes. The question hangs dead in the air. Simon hasn’t moved a muscle, so still it scares even you, and you know it’s just an act.

“You like chewin’ your food?” Simon asks, his voice so deathly calm that you grab his arm with a laugh and pull at him.

“He’s just kidding Simon,” You placate, trying to pull your --wow this guy’s bicep is huge-- fake boyfriend away, “Right dad?”

“Oh come on,” You father tosses your way with a shake of his head, “I can handle a Manc-” He snorts and turns to Simon “-at least better than their players handle the ball.”

Simon flexes under your hands, and you physically can’t restrain him from shaking you off to stalk over to your dad.

“Simon please,” You plead, you don’t even have to act, the way he grabs your father by the shirt collar you all but leap to wrap your arms around his waist and try to pull him back, “not again!”

“Again!” Your mother yelps as your father holds his hands up, eyes wide with fear.

“It was a joke,” Your father assures Simon.

“Fuckin’ better be.” Simon relents, releasing his hold on your father and turning those dark eyes to you.

“Look’t you grabbin’ me,” He grabs you before you can let him go, your muscles still vibrating with adrenaline. He holds your face with the same hand that had held your father, squeezes your cheeks with his fingers.“Real cute, thinkin’ you could ‘old me back.” Your stomach flips. “Taught you better’n that didn’ I? You want somethin’ you gotta ask, yeah?”

“I don’-” You try to shake yourself back to your senses and Simon squeezes you a little tighter, “Please let go.” Embarrassment settles hot in your stomach at the spark of… something in Simon’s eyes.

“There’s my girl,” He smiles, “Now give us a kiss love.”

You feel your stomach drop out, and you’re sure it shows on your face. Simon raises a brow. Your tongue feels too big in your dry mouth. You swallow and glance at your parents.

“I thought you said no PDA,” You try. This wasn’t in the brief.

“Just on the cheek then,” His smile is absolutely devilish, you wonder where he learned it, “Wouldn’t want ta embarrass you in front of your folks.” Your mother scoffs. Simon turns to glare at her and you rush a quick peck on his cheek just to get it over with.

His stubble is sharp where it pokes against your lips, but his skin is surprisingly soft. You almost hesitate pulling away. Your skin already feels hot with the humiliation of kissing a veritable stranger whose only goal is to antagonize your parents for the evening, so you don’t waste time with the action.

You’re saved by your aunt opening the front door with a loud, excited:

“Happy Christmas!”

Before she freezes in the doorway. Your cousins rush in, seemingly unaware of the tension and you take the opportunity to pull out of Simon’s grip.

“Is this a bad time?” Your aunt asks as tactfully as she can given the energy in the house.

“It’s a great time,” Simon answers for the crowd with a smile. Your mother throws an alarmed look your way and does her best to plaster on something less emotional for her sister.

“I thought you were gonna help with the presents,” Your uncle calls from behind your aunt, who immediately turns to help him get the boxes in. You see her vaguely gesture at the house through the crack between the door and the frame and wonder just what she’s trying to convey.

This holiday is already off to a terrible start. Which is great. But you can’t shake the feeling that it’s going… worse than you’d initially thought it would.

“When are we eating?” One of your cousins asks, you turn to see the teen, Jack, staring at you. You suppose you’re the only adult that ever really gives any of them the time of day, makes sense he’d ask you.

“Uh,” you blink, trying to come up with a decent answer for him, “probably soon.”

“I wanna open presents,” One of the little ones whines.

“You gotta wait,” Jack tells him.

“Ok!” Your aunt announces as she comes back inside, now holding gifts, “Looks like you’ve already started the party!”

“Haven’t even started drinking yet,” Simon assures her. Your uncle joins the fray, shuffling past you to set his gifts under the tree as well.

“You drink.” Your mother clarifies with a smile, she’s hiding the horror well.

“I’m the life of the party love,” He tosses your mom a wink and turns to look around. You assume for the liquor.

“What do you drink?” Your uncle asks, good natured as usual. That’ll change.

“Bourbon.” Simon hums, “But I’ll take a beer if that’s all ya got.”

“Sure there’s somethin’ around here somewhere.” Your uncle meanders over to your parent’s short liquor cabinet and starts rifling through the bottles. Your mother shoots you a look that practically begs you to stop him.

“Do you need something mom?” You ask, oblivious.

“It’s just a little early to start drinking, don't you think?” She asks, a leading question. You know what she’s trying to do.

“You sayin’ I can’t get a drink?” Simon asks.

“Let the man have a drink,” You uncle cajoles, “It’s a holiday!”

Your mother’s lips press into a thin line. She doesn’t comment on the glass your uncle pours for Simon, but she does retreat to the kitchen with your aunt in toe. You’re almost tempted to follow them and see what they’re saying. Maybe you could throw some fuel on the fire. Simon throws an arm around your shoulders before you can move, holding you against his side to keep you in place. You glance up at him, he doesn’t look at you.

You tug your phone from your pocket for something to do, trying to look busy and uninterested in the chaos Simon is sowing, when it’s all you can think about. He manages a normal conversation with your little cousins, going through introductions like a regular person, even commenting on the shirt Jack is wearing. You glance at it and just know that was a fight with his mother. Looks like it’s based off some horror movie, blood dripping off a knife held aloft by a masked figure. Not very Christmas-y.

You can almost hear the argument that must have taken place when he’d put it on.

Simon must be smart enough to figure that out because he’s really hyping up the teen over the shirt. Talking about the movie and complaining about how his mom sounds like a bitch. Your cousin blinks at the swear before you see a grin split his face.

“Fuck yeah, is aunty letting us swear now?” Jack asks, too excited to contain it.

“The fuck is she the queen of England?” Simon laughs, turning to you, “Your mum’s not lettin’ ‘em swear?” You shrug.

“She says it isn’t ‘proper’.” Jack rolls his eyes.

“Fuck proper.” Simon snorts. He shoots you a look as he sips his drink. You’re sure Jack will be cussing the rest of the evening with Simon to back him up. Your mom’s gonna love that.

Your aunt comes out of the kitchen and grabs her husband to whisper in his ear. Your uncle glances at Simon and makes a confused face. One of the younger ones runs up to them and loudly asks:

“What’s fuck mean?”

Simon averts his gaze and you feel his shoulders shake with restrained laughter. You have to hold it in yourself, the glare your aunt sends Simon’s way is too funny. The kid was bound to hear it from his brother eventually. Really, Simon is saving the teen from being grounded with that one.

Your mom comes sweeping into the living room just in time to save Simon from getting an earful. Your aunt’s glare transfers to her before she can fix her face. Your mother’s lips pucker, an unpleasant understanding that something is happening crossing her eyes. She ignores it, much like every other unpleasant thing you’ve witnessed with her, in favor of normalcy.

“Dinner is ready!” She announces.

“That was fast,” You blink, usually she spends more time milling about and waiting for people to finish a few cocktails.

“Well,” She smiles at Simon, “I thought I’d speed things up so nobody misses any other christmases.”

“Got nowhere to be.” He informs her.

“Oh I’m sure you’re mother would-”

“Mum’s dead.” Simon sniffs.

“Then your fath-”

“If the bastard was still alive I’d kill ‘im myself.” Simon smiles at her over the rim of his glass before knocking back the rest of the bourbon and pouring himself another two fingers, “You got me all night if I want.”

Your mothers lips pucker again, the slightest hint of distaste in her expression before she manages a smile.

“We’re glad to have you.” She offers. You expect she’ll still try to force you out early. “Dinner?”

“Bloody starvin’.” Simon grunts, pushing past her towards the kitchen.

Your uncle is already serving himself from the various pans laden with food. Your father isn’t far behind him, eyeing the roast like a man starved.

You grab one of the Christmas patterned plates and hold it out to Simon, letting him queue behind your father. He glances around and you watch his eyes land on your cousins hovering nearby.

“Adults serve first,” You whisper to Simon when he steps back from the line for food to let the kids cut in front. It’s a quiet motion that presses him into you, he glances back like he might give you an apology before he makes eye contact with your aunt and loops his arm around you instead.

“What?” He asks loudly, “Your mum tryin’ ta starve the poor buggers or somethin’?” You blink at him. He raises a brow. “No heart under those tits, eh?”

Your aunt gasps and he gives her a once over. You keep your eyes on your little cousins as they happily load up their plates with turkey and mashed potatoes. One of the older boys smothers his whole plate in gravy and honestly, you can’t blame him.

“Can’t be jealous, ya clearly got the better ass.” Simon tells your aunt as you scooch around him to get your own plate. He catches you around the middle and pulls you back, curling over you. He tips your head back with a hand on your throat, thick fingers squeezing just enough to dimple the skin.

“Where do you think you’re going?” He asks. You barely hear him over the roll of butterflies in your stomach. Your cheeks blaze with heat, and you clench your thighs together tight at the way he glowers down at you.

“I’m gonna make you a plate,” You tell him, he pinches your cheek and lets you free.

“Good girl,” He tells you, “Got ‘er well trained don’t I?” He jokes to your aunt, who you can feel radiating anger behind you.

You don’t really know what he likes, but Simon is a big guy so you get him a bit of everything, loading up his plate like you do this every day. It’s probably too much food, but part of you sort of likes the idea that he’s eating what you “made” for him. You hand him the full plate and he smiles, you turn back to grab your own food --you must still be nervous from having his hand at your throat-- and he smacks your ass. You bite back the yelp that threatens to break free. The sharp sting of pain spreads through you like wildfire, blossoming over your skin even through your skirt.

You quickly pile food onto your plate, hoping your aunt takes your speedy exit as one of embarrassment and not one of- well a different sort of embarrassment.

You manage to squeeze into the seat next to Simon, feeling his thick thigh press against yours like a warm anchor. Your mother gives him a dirty look as he reaches to fool with one of the candles in the middle of the table. You’re sure she heard his loud announcement that she doesn’t care about her nephews. His other hand settles on your leg under the table and you stiffen. Thick callused fingers grip your thigh, squeezing the soft flesh with something you desperately want to call reassurance. He knows no one can see that, right?

You watch the rest of your family fill the table, your little cousins already picking at their food, stuffing salad leaves into their mouths and pretending not to lick the gravy off their fingers. You wait for everyone to take their seats before you pick up your fork and your aunt shoots you a look.

“I’d like to-” your aunt starts only to be cut off by your fake-boyfriend.

“I want ta make an announcement.” Simon tells the table loudly, the conversation goes dead, your mother’s eyes bore holes into you, begging for anything but an announcement. You think she might bend her fork with how tight she grips it watching Simon shove his chair back to drop to one knee. You clasp a hand over your mouth, doing your best to play the part of shocked girlfriend, despite having planned this.

“Simon!” You squeal as he tugs a black ring box from his pocket.

“Lemme talk baby,” Simon hushes you and you shut your mouth quickly, “I know it’s only been a couple a months-” the look in your mother’s eyes could kill an elephant, “-but I’m mad fer ya, an’ I know birds like you get off market quick so if I wanna keep that ass to myself I bloody well better get ya tied down.” Your mother gasps.

“Shut ya gob, I’m tryin’ ta propose.” He snaps at her, and she leans back like she’s been struck. Simon turns back to you, and you feel a rush of heat drip between your legs at the look in his eyes. This guy should be on TV with how good an actor he is.

“Will you marry me?” He finally gets out and you nod.

“Of course I will!” You fling yourself against him, wrapping your arms around his shoulders.

His big hands find your waist and squeeze. You pull away to take the ring box and he nearly pulls you out of your chair, only to push you back into it as he kisses you.

Your eyes go wide and you struggle to keep your hands on him when all you want to do is lurch away. Not a good look on an excited and newly ringed up girlfriend.

But the way he kisses you makes your stomach churn. His lips cover yours and almost as quickly as you get used to the feeling his tongue is trying to force its way into your mouth. You rush to close your eyes only to feel his tongue, thankfully, retreat. And be replaced by his teeth, biting your lip hard enough to bruise, prying your lips apart to slip his tongue in and lick your teeth.

Your head swims, your eyes rolling at the way his hands grope and squeeze you, tagging every soft scrap they can find while he attempts to devour you. He does something with his tongue, twists it against yours to tickle the roof of your mouth, and you make a noise without meaning to. It’s all you can do to remember to clumsily slide your lips against his. You’re not sure you make a pretty picture when he pulls away, his spit trailing off your slick, swollen, lips. You suppose this evening isn’t really about painting a pretty picture.

It makes you squirm to feel his big thumb swipe over your lower lip, dragging the poor thing down to see your teeth.

A chill racks your body as his eyes follow the motion of his thumb.

Your father loudly clears his throat. Your mother looks mortified. Your little cousins are covering their eyes while the teen pointedly looks at his phone.

Simon rubs the ring on your finger, pressing the metal back and forth against your skin. When the fuck did he put that on you?

“I’d like to say Grace,” Your aunt tries to wrestle the evening back into familiar territory as Simon sets you back in your chair.

Your family bows their heads and you smack your knee on the underside of the table as you jump, unprepared for how high Simon’s hand settles on your thigh. You don’t even hear whatever prayer your aunt is saying with the way the blood rushes in your ears at the wide splay of Simon’s fingers. So. Close.

You settle your hand on his and try to push him back to safe ground.

Jesus this guy is strong. Pain in your-

“Everything okay over there?” Your uncle asks. You must have looked like you were struggling more than you thought you were.

“Fine,” You tell him, even though things are decidedly not fine and Simon won’t move his hand, “Just fussing with the ring.”

“Oh yes,” Your aunt holds her hand out across the table, “let’s see it.”

You hesitate before taking your hand off Simon’s. He doesn’t move, seemingly settled with where he’s settled. You hold your hand out for her to grab, let her turn your hand this way and that. Simon had told you he’d grab a ring, so you haven’t actually seen it yet. It’s pretty. A nice pear cut diamond with a trinity of what looks like pearls on either side. You wonder where he got it, you’re just glad it looks less fake than costume jewelry usually does.

“How nice,” Your mother coos, it sounds even less sincere than her compliments usually do.

You’re thankful you don’t need to do much talking at dinner. Simon more than makes up for you. He talks at length about how “mint” your friends are --he’s never met them-- and how his mates are begging for a go with you. He explains to your teen cousin, at length, how his violent video games could be worse, after your aunt bemoans the fact he’s been playing war sims. He makes no move to censor himself, actually from the few conversations you’ve had with him, you think he’s swearing more than he usually does. He even manages to start an argument with your father about “taking the gloves off” during combat.

“Different once you’re in active combat,” He explains like he’s talking to your father, “You do what you have to, keepin’ your ‘ands clean isn’t exactly front of your mind.”

You glace across the table at Jack, the teen looks completely invested in whatever Simon is saying. You can almost hear the look your aunt has fixed you with, you’re sure you’ll get a call later about your fiance “encouraging him to get himself killed.”

“Oh please,” Your father blusters, “if that were the case the royal service would be under investigation. We’d see it on the BBC: Special Air Service members torture civilians. What a load of horse-” Your mother coughs and your father shuts his mouth.

“Got plenty of men like me givin’ orders,” Simon digs into his pocket to pull his cigarettes, stopping with his teeth around the filter of one when your mother coughs loudly. He shoves them back into his pocket with a grumbled swear. “Like I told ya earlier, ‘s not the good men that come back.”

“You’re so cool,” Jack tells Simon with wide eyes. Your aunt smacks his arm with the back of her hand, reprimanding. Simon’s eyes narrow.

He watches your aunt the rest of dinner. The conversation drifts as plates are emptied. You attempt to stand to help clear the table, and Simon holds you in your chair. Your mother putters around the table with your aunt, you smile and thank them. You’re almost done. Then you can go home and wait for the flood of texts/calls from your mom.

You can just imagine the way she’ll try to convince you to break off your (fake)engagement. You’ll wait a few weeks before spinning up some story about Simon cheating on you. Your family will be so grateful Simon’s gone they won’t ask any questions.

“Does anyone want pudding or are we going straight to-”

“Presents!” Your youngest cousin cuts your mom off, rushing to the tree as soon as his plate is cleared. Your aunt grabs him and brings him back to the table only for him to run over again. She manages to pull a gift from his little hands, and bring him screaming back to the table. You wince at the sharp sound, the fat tears rolling down the kid’s chubby cheeks, crying about opening presents. Your aunt reminds him shortly that there’s still dessert to get through. It barely makes a dent in the tears. The kid pulls at his mom’s grip, screaming and kicking.

Simon’s hand on your thigh tippens its grip.

You know, you know. It’s never fun sitting around with a kid throwing a tantrum, but you’re sure your aunt will handle it-

There’s a sharp crack as your aunt spanks the kid. Hard.

Simon shoots up from his seat.

Your little cousin’s tears turn to sniffles and a wobbly lip as his mom gives him a hissed warning.

Your hands shake as Simon stalks around the table to grab your aunt’s hand.

“The one thing you’re not gonna fuckin’ do,” He tells her in a low warning tone, “is hit your fuckin’ kid in front of me.”

It’s so different from the anger he’d had with your father over football. You know that, that was acting, but this… It radiates off of Simon like a miasma, dark seething hatred, anger like you’ve never seen. Your aunt looks at him like she’s seen a ghost. Her eyes are wide and scared, her hand still holding your cousin’s arm squeezes tighter, like the child is her only lifeline.

“Ow!” The kid whines, the sniffles starting again in full, “Mum that hurts.”

Simon cocks his head, his own grip tightening.

“Let ‘im go,” Simon presses, his anger as cold as death, “Or I’ll break your arm.”

“Simon,” You don’t know what you’re hoping your voice will add to this, not even sure what you should do, all you know is that you brought Simon into this house which makes him your responsibility.

“He’s alright,” Your aunt tries to assure Simon, “aren’t you sweetie?”

“Mum!” Your cousin whines again. Your aunt lets go of his arm like it’s burned her.

“Now apologize.” Simon demands. Your aunt nods sharply and swallows.

“Mum’s sorry baby,” She directs the comment at your cousin but her eyes are fixed on Simon, watching him like a rabbit watches a wolf. “It was just a little spank.” You think the pleading justification makes it worse with the way Simon’s eye twitches.

“I ever catch you hittin’ ‘im again-” Your aunt’s eyes dart to you, to the fake rock on your finger, “-and it won’t just be your arm I break.”

Your glance to your mother for- God you don’t even know, help? Maybe? She glares at you like this is your fault. Fair enough. Your uncle seems quicker on the uptake.

“Maybe we take Christmas to go,” He chimes in, “Grab the kid’s gifts, since they seem tired.”

Your mother grabs hold of this lifeline as quickly as she can wrap her head around it.

“Absolutely!” She hurries to the tree to start sorting out gifts, “Oh I didn’t realize they’d be so exhausted, we all know fits are just fits, right Simon?”

“I look like I’m throwin’ a fuckin’ fit?” Simon asks her, his voice still cold.

“You know I’m pretty tired too,” Your aunt agrees.

“I’m not.” Jack chimes in.

“Yes, you are.” His mom hisses.

“And it looks like snow,” Your uncle adds, “so we should go.”

You hardly get a word in before your cousins are rushed out the door, no hug or forced familiarity from your aunt as she and your uncle juggle presents and strapping kids into car seats.

Simon takes one of the armchairs in the living room amidst the chaos, dangling his glass with his fingers on the rim as he glowers at your aunt. Your attempt to help them gather presents is stopped by Simon pulling you down into his lap. You stiffen reflexively to try and leverage some of your weight off of him, and he pulls you to lean against his chest.

Maybe it’s good you don’t say good-bye. You’re not sure anything you could say would sound sincere with the way you’re perched on your fake fiance. You’ll definitely be hearing about this later.

You’ve never seen anyone in your family leave that fast. Your mother must blame you for this social faux pas with the way she glares at you. She’s not even trying to hide it, seemingly having deemed Simon as unworthy of her usual polite routine. She stops just short of yelling at you in front of him. Must be too afraid of what he’ll do to her if he’s willing to break your aunt’s arm over her kid.

You’re not sure when you lost control of the evening, but you’re ready to go. Your aunt’s exit should be your exit too. You even open your mouth to tell your mother it’s been a lovely evening.

Simon beat you to it.

“Let’s open presents.” You’d almost call it an order with how edged his voice is.

“We don’t have any for you,” Your mother attempts, “it wouldn’t be fair to open them now.”

“Don’t need a present,” Simon assures her, “Bird’ll gimme somethin’ later.” Your mother’s eye twitches. Simon’s hand slides over your thigh, his thumb rubbing gently at the sensitive, clothed, skin. Your nerves must be on high alert to feel his touch so acutely. He gestures with his glass at the tree. “Go’an,” He orders again.

The tension in Simon’s form slowly seeps out of him as your parents shuffle presents out from under the tree. His body, which had previously seemed poised to leap at the slightest provocation, relaxes back against the chair as your mother hands you a present. She smiles at you warmly, almost pitying, when you thank her. Simon’s hand doesn’t leave your thigh, possessive in a way that feels too close to reality.

“Oh wait,” You tell your mother as she pulls one of the gifts you brought from the pile. You slip from Simon’s lap, and for some reason he lets you, bent at the waist to point to a different box. His hand slides over the swell of your ass with an appreciative hum and you have to stop the tremor in your voice as your blood rushes south. “That one first,” You smile, “otherwise this one won’t make sense.”

The normalcy of it is more welcome than you’d thought. Somehow your usual family Christmas doesn’t seem as tense or fraught with conversational landmines now that Simon’s intruded. If nothing else you suppose he’s given you that. It’s certainly easier talking to your parents when they keep casting nervous glances at Simon to make sure this is an appropriate line of conversation.

Simon, for his part, does little except keep you in his lap as you tear into the paper wrapped boxes. Occasionally his hand moves from your thigh to squeeze your stomach, or your side, as if he’s checking that you’re still all there. It’s not exactly casual, and the heat that builds between your legs as he drags his callused fingers across your stomach makes you want to squirm back into his chest, just to try and escape the ticklish feeling.

You try to focus on the gifts, drumming up the appropriate amount of excitement to look grateful while all of your attention is on the spread of Simon’s fingers. His hand splays wide against you and you try to trace the outline of it, distract yourself from how big his hand is.

But distracting yourself from the spread of his hand directs you towards the spread of his legs, to the firm muscle of his thick thighs, to the slight softness of his stomach when your back starts to hurt and you lean against him with less stiff of a spine. Your eyes drift to the window as your mother coos over the knitting supplies and class pass to her favorite craft store. It’s so dark out, the sun already disappeared behind the horizon and the streetlights are doing their best to shine even when the night dims them. You’re already tired.

Your phone buzzes and you check it with a glance.

It’s a weather alert.

You scramble off Simon’s lap only to be dragged back into it.

“Where d’you think you’re goin’?” He asks, his hands grip your sides, fingers just brushing the edge of your bra. You can’t deal with the way being pulled like this makes your head swim. Fuck, maybe he could just grab you off the street and- NO.

“Simon,” You push at his hands, “problem.”

“No problem love,” He hums. Lips brush the shell of your ear and you stiffen as heat blooms over your cheeks, “‘Cept you gettin’ up oll the time.” “It’s snowing.” You insist, still pushing at his hands.

Your father looks at you with confusion and glances out the window. It’s hard to see when it’s so dark out. You’re suddenly hit with a grim understanding of why the street lamps seem so dim. Your dad walks to the front door and tugs it open only to be pushed by the gust of cold wind and snow that rushes into the house.

The wind is positively howling.

Your father muscles the door shut and your mother nervously clicks on the TV to check the weather. She doesn’t even help your dad brush all the snow off him, worrying her lip as her eyes fix to the screen.

“Not gonna be able to drive home in that,” Your father grimaces. Your mother shoots him a look before skirting her eyes around you to watch Simon. You can almost feel his smile.

“You wouldn’t mind us stayin’ ‘ere would ya?”

You flip on the lights in your childhood bedroom. Simon looms behind you. Reasonably you understand why he insisted on staying, even why he insisted on sharing a room. As far as your parents know you’re happily engaged, and as far as you could tell there was a blizzard raging outside. Honestly you’ve never seen anything like it, and if you didn’t know any better you might have blamed Simon for it.

You have never in your life been more aware of another person’s presence.

“In you go love,” Simon tells you, pressing you forwards with a hand on the small of your back. You stumble into your room and turn in time to watch Simon close the door. He bends down to unlace his boots and you manage to kick off your shoes in the time it takes him to straighten again. Now that you’re alone you feel on edge. All the casual friendly airs that Simon had been putting on when you’d met him before have done nothing to prepare you for the weight of his full attention. You’re only too happy when he turns to survey the room.

“I can take the floor,” You inform him, already gathering the spare blankets and pillows your mom had set on your twin bed.

“Sit down,” Simon orders, your ass hits the side of your mattress so fast you haven’t even registered the command before you’ve followed it, “You’re takin’ the bed.”

His tone leaves no room for argument. You suppose it could almost be called kind of him to give you the bed.

“Sorry,” You tell him quietly, mindful of your parents in the next room.

“What’re you actin’ sorry for,” He huffs, “Sweet bird like you doesn’t mind sharin’, does she? Besides,” He knocks your knees apart with a big booted foot, “I still gotta get paid.”

You stare up at him, confusion plain on your face.

“I thought you just wanted the meal.”

“Meal’s not finished, is it?” He tells you, “Never got dessert.”

“Wha-”

“Take your fuckin’ pants off.” His tone is clipped, short, and deep. It sinks into your skin, prickling goosebumps everywhere he’d touched earlier. Which feels like it must have been, well, everywhere.

You should say “no.” Literally nothing about this man has given you any indication that he’s someone you should want to get undressed for, and he’s spent the better part of the day tormenting your family. Granted you did ask him to do that, and honestly his efforts do land squarely in the “pros” category, but he’s a little too good at playing a dirt-bag. And this? This just seals the deal on that particular observation.

So you should say “no.”

But the way his big hands had grabbed you, the way his tongue had wound against yours, the way he looks down at you now, hungry, makes you desperately want to do whatever he asks you to.

“My parents are in the next room,” You whisper, glancing back at the wall that separates the two rooms.

“Who gives a shit?” Simon snorts, “Don’t ‘appy couples celebrate their engagement?” Your eyes flick down to his trousers, the implications aren’t lost on you. He must catch you looking because his hand grabs your hair and tips your head back. “Trust me birdy, I’m tryin’ ta be nice, but if ya wanna choke on it…”

You race to get your trousers open, fingers shaking as you push them down. You don’t need to see his cock to make some leaps of logic that it’s just as big as the rest of him, and if he’s offering you the choice between his mouth on you, and your mouth on him-

Simon leans forward and unceremoniously shoves his hand into your panties, your trousers barely down your thighs. Your train of thought comes to a full halt as big fingers stroke through your folds.

“Atta girl,” He hums, “much ‘appier like this, aren’t ya?” He tugs his fingers free, spreads them in front of your face with a pitying pout at the way your slick glistens on his skin. “Least your cunt knows what’s good for it.”

He pushes your head back, tossing it towards the bed as he releases your hair. Your back hits the mattress and you have to work to keep from hitting your head on the wall. Simon’s fingers find the hem of your panties and drag them down your thighs, catching your trousers to discard the lot on the floor.

You snap your legs shut against the chill of the room and he growls.

“None of that now,” He advises, prying your legs apart. His fingers dig into the soft meat of your thighs, his gaze fixed on the wet mess between them. The way he stands over you makes him feel massive, makes the way he leans over you feel looming.

His hands slide over your ticklish inner thighs and you have to stifle the giggle that threatens to spill from you. You doubt Simon would appreciate your laughter, might even think you’re laughing at him. Again your eyes dart to the hard length straining against his trousers as his thumbs spread your folds.

“Pretty,” He says it so plainly, casually, like he’s judging a toy. It blazes through you, lighting up your nerves and making you shiver. Any other protests you might have had die on your tongue as Simon drops to his knees.

Seeing him between your legs makes your stomach clench, makes your cunt pulse with desire. One of his thumbs rubs up and down the seam of your cunt while the other keeps you half-spread. He presses his thumb firmly against your clit, the pressure makes your hips squirm, makes you ache for more stimulation. The pressure stops, and his thumb traces its way back to holding you open.

He spits.

You flinch when it hits your spread folds, body vibrating with embarrassed heat as it slides over you. Simon’s eyes follow it the whole way down, and his tongue drags it back up.

Simon’s tongue cards through your folds, warm and wet, and he groans low in his throat. It’s positively sinful the way he pulls his tongue slow and flat over you, like he’s trying to savor the taste. You snap your hand over your mouth, stifling the soft whimper that the attention brings to your lips.

Simon’s eyes flick to your face and he makes a frustrated noise. You feel his teeth touch your skin just before he bites you. You yelp at the sharp pain, your hand shooting from your mouth to his head in an attempt to push him away. Simon tips his head back to bite at the meat of your palm, his teeth digging into the firm flesh before his tongue licks over it. There’s a sharpness to his teeth, chipped edges that scrape at your skin and ache before he soothes them.

You don’t want him to bite you again.

You don’t think you do.

Do you?

His tongue rolls over your palm, wetting the dry skin with spit and slick. His mouth has a heady sheen to it that makes you want to drag your tongue over his lips, to clean up the light prickle of his beard with your own mouth.

“No sense lettin’ you breath if you’re not gonna scream for me,” Simon informs you. Your face has never felt hotter than when his teeth scrape down your palm to tease your pulse. You’re too enraptured by the way he moves to let spit drip off his tongue and onto your clit to really register what he said.

His tongue rubs against your clit, working the firm bud back and forth before letting his tongue roll over it. Each hot swipe sends a new shudder of heat and pleasure through your body. You whimper, your wet hand tangling its fingers in his short cropped hair just to feel him shake his head like a dog.

It’s filthy the way he drags his lips over your folds, sucking and slurping at you like he’s trying to be loud. His stubble scratches at the sensitive skin of your inner thighs, prickly and sharp next to the warm wet mouth that sucks at your clit. His tongue keeps twisting over it, keeping it sensitive and tingling before he’s ducking down to fuck the slick muscle into your hole. Simon moves his tongue against the entrance to your cunt like he’s hoping to stretch out the hole with it, circling around the delicate outer edge before pressing inside, over and over until your brain feels like it’ll melt out of your ears.

Then that wet heat is dragged up to your clit, circled and sucked, licked in broad strokes that wiggle against you just so he can hear the way your voice pitches up in pleasure.

He turns his head to wipe his mouth against your thigh, lips parting to lick a long stripe before he sinks his teeth into the meat of it and sucks. Your own lips close tight around the whimper the dull pain of it pulls from you.

He muscles your leg up against his shoulder, his arm moving to find a comfortable angle as he hooks his thumb in your fluttering cunt. You blink at the intrusion, the thick digit may as well be two of your own fingers the way he pulls at your entrance and stretches you open. That isn’t what steals your focus from his mouth though, what tugs at you is the way his other thick fingers rub over your ass, spreading your slick and attempting to soften the hole into something pliant.

He’s grabbed your hips to roll you onto your stomach before you can raise a protest to the searching fingers, big strong hands dragging your hips up so your knees settle on the edge of the bed as he stands. It forces your face into the quilts, muffling the noise of surprise that the motion shakes out of you. Again you find protests on your lips, you hadn’t even come, and again they’re snuffed by his fingers.

Two of them push into your cunt and you moan low in your throat at the burning stretch that they provide. Your hips rock back into them, your stomach fluttering with need as more heat courses through you. His fingers crook and he thrusts them down into your cunt, hitting some throbbing tightness that makes you cry out.

Simon makes a low cooing noise in the back of his throat and his fingers stroke against your walls. You turn your head to rest your cheek against the bed, your lips pouting and your lashes fluttering as he gives you just long enough to suck in a breath before his fingers are pressing against that soft aching spot again. Your eyes roll, your breath caught tight in your throat at the thrum of pleasure that tightens like burning heat in your aching cunt.

His fingers pump faster and faster into your cunt, and you cry out, your hips wiggling and your fingers gripping at the quilt. The wet squelching noise that comes from his fingers fucking into you makes an embarrassed heat rush over your skin, and you burry your face in the blankets just to gasp out your moans. Your mouth hangs open, drool dripping off your tongue as your breath stops in your throat. The tight heat between your legs feels like it’s winding its way all the way up through your diaphragm. Your muscles are tensed so tight you think you might snap, and you let out a low moan as your breath finally shakes free. You suck in air between sobs, each punch of his fingers into your cunt pushing a new noise free of your lips.

The wet noises just get wetter.

And then something inside you snaps. Your stomach clenches tight and your cunt follows, spasming around Simon’s fingers as they pump in and out of you. Stars dance across your vision and you bite the quilts to stop from screaming. Something trickles out of you and he rewards your orgasm with a throaty chuckle.

He pulls his fingers from you and rubs soaked fingers over your ass before he’s trying to push one inside.

“Been eyein’ this ass all night.” He hums.

The firm pressure hurts the harder he presses, and you whimper out a sniffled reproach to the feeling, a soft “hurts” that you’re sure will fall on deaf ears. Simon stops, pulls his finger back and slicks it in your cunt again, the feeling of his fingers twisting against your soft spot making your eyes roll. It hurts, an overworked burn that makes you whimper for an entirely different reason.

He pulls his thick fingers from your cunt and you feel the tip of one teasing your ass again. It’s barely a pressure when his finger tries your ass again, and he lets out a slow breath as you’re filled.

“Just sunk right in,” He tells you, pumping his finger in and out, the drag of heat has your lashes fluttering, your head spinning at the deep pressure that makes your cunt clench, “Isn’t that pretty.”

His thumb catches your cunt again, tugging at the slick hole. The click of his belt and rustle of fabric clues you in to what comes next.

That doesn’t mean you’re prepared for how big his cock feels nudging at your entrance. A chill runs over your skin, goosebumps raising to meet the air where your jumper has slid down your back. The blunt head of his cock presses against your hole, and you arch your back into the feeling, desperate to find the right angle for it to slip in.

Simon doesn’t seem as eager. He pushes into you slowly, lets you feel the way you burn and stretch around him, lets you feel every centimeter of that big cock. You feel tight, even as wet as you are, you feel like you’re squeezing the life out of him. Your cunt is hot and tingling, and your clit throbs with the need to be touched.

You feel his hips press against your ass, and he grinds into you. Another wave of goosebumps rushes over you at the deep ache he pushes into. You squeeze your eyes shut just to stop the way they keep trying to roll back in your head.

Simon pulls back, and you can almost feel the drag of his head against your walls. He grinds the tip against the soft spot near your entrance before punching his cock back into you. You make a choked noise before your throat seems to open and a flood of moans and pleas flows from you. Each push of his cock into you pitches your voice up and you moan in desperate panting sounds.

You ache. You’ve never felt so full. He hasn’t taken his finger from your ass, instead he presses it down to try and feel his own cock stretching out your walls. You shove a hand between your legs to try and stroke your clit only to feel the stretch of your skin around his fat cock. You’re so wet that your fingers slip over your folds, uncoordinated, and you can’t get a good angle. You open your mouth but can’t find the words to ask for what you need.

One of his thrusts pushes you up the bed and your hand moves immediately to push against the wall with a ‘thump.’

“Simon,” You whine, “Simon.”

His free hand pets up your spine, bunching your jumper up under your armpits to unhook your bra, before finding its way to your hair. He curls his fingers and finds a tight grip near your scalp. The bite of pain makes you want to push back into him. The deep pressure, the slight sting, from your ass makes your body stutter, your brain crashing into itself.

Oh God.

“Not a thought in that pretty little ‘ead is there?” He asks, the fingers gripping your hair tight pull your head back, you moan your pleasure for him as he gives a hard thrust into you, your bleary eyes opened just enough to focus on the white wall. “Course not,” Simon grunts, a huff of laughter edging his voice, “Wouldn't've responded to my ad if there was.”

You reach back to claw at his thigh and find it still, painfully, clothed. A burst of humiliation shoots through you at the thought that Simon hasn’t even bothered to get undressed.

“Stupid thing, really could’ve just grabbed ya off the street.” He mumbles, there’s a touch of fondness to his voice, a smile that doesn’t feel appropriate for the way he fucks into you. Like he’s trying to teach you a lesson.

The only thing you’re learning is that Simon’s cock hits something deep and needy inside of you. The finger in your ass starts to pull out and you scream. Simon groans as you tighten around him, your cunt desperate to keep his cock inside. You’re buzzing with your orgasm, settled right at the edge with nothing to push you over the edge. There’s too much stimulation. His cock pistoning into you and his finger starting to tug at your ass. You’re still sore from his fingers but you can’t stop yourself from clenching tight around him.

“Mad fer it,” Simon chuckles, “tell me what ya need bird.”

“Clit- clit,” You stutter out, still barely able to keep the words straight in your head.

“Louder love,” He teases, “don’t think I heard ya.”

“Please,” You sob, your moans still tearing from your chest on each thrust, “touch my clit.”

He drops your head back down onto the bed, and you muffle your noise with the quilt clenched between your teeth. His finger pulls from your ass and you scream your pleasure into the bed. It’s so hot, your ass burning with something that isn’t entirely painful. It just makes your clit pulse harder.

Simon’s fingers find their way between your legs and he pinches your clit between them. One roll of the tight bud between them has your legs shaking. The second has tears brimming at your lash line and your mouth hanging open as you flutter and drip on Simon’s cock. You tense and release around him, your orgasm crashing into you like a train. Waves of it rush through you, shaking your muscles loose until you’re laid like a doll against the bed. Your skin is burning and you ache,

And Simon keeps fucking you.

The smack of his hips against yours fills the room, his breath heavy and his fingers now tight on your waist. You push back into his thrusts and it makes stars dance across your vision. That deep aching part of you makes everything draw tight again.

Simon’s thrusts grow quicker, rougher, his fingers grip you so tight it hurts. You scream for him again, his hard thrusts pushing you to the edge a third time. The blistering heat of his come hits your overworked cunt and you moan.

“Too much,” You whine. Everything is sore when he pulls out. You don’t think you can move.

Your knees slip off the edge of the bed and you just lay there.

Simon rolls you back onto your back, and manhandles you into laying on the bed properly.

You sit up just enough to tug your jumper off and toss your bra to the floor with the rest of your clothes. Simon ditches his shirt and you sleepily take in the cut musculature of his chest as he wanders to turn off the light.

You pass out before he ever gets his pants off.

Your parents have already gathered the presents from last night by the front door when you wander downstairs in the morning. Your father doesn’t look at you, but your mother positively glowers. You try not to think about how loud you’d been last night.

Simon’s had his hands on you since you woke up. His fingers splay wide on the small of your back, as your parents attempt to rush you out the door.

You’re settled in Simon’s car, driving down the street when you finally let the laughter take over. You giggle and snort, pressing your fingers against your mouth to try and stem the flow of them. But really, what can you do? Despite being forced to spend the night putting a dent in your plans it’s worked out perfectly. Your parents won’t be asking about you getting a boyfriend any time soon.

If you’re lucky your mom will never ask you about your relationship status again, even when you “break up” with Simon.

You’re still giggling, glowing with happiness at a successfully executed plan, when you try to pull the ring off your finger.

Something sharp digs into your skin and you yelp in pain.

“What the fuck?” You question, whimpering when you pull harder and it only sends the sharp bit further into your skin. You raise your hand to look at the ring, and find a sharp tooth just under the diamond, clearly a feature not a bug. Still you glance at Simon. “I think this ring is defective,” You tell him, “It keeps stabbing me.”

Simon hums, turning right down a street.

“Then stop tryin’ ta take it off.” He advises. You twist the ring around your finger, trying to find a way to work it off.

“I can’t get it off,” You grunt in annoyance.

“Not suppose ta,” Simon tells you plainly, taking another turn, “That’s how bein’ engaged works.”

Something squirms in your stomach.

“We’re not engaged.” You remind him.

“Wearing my ring,” He reminds you, like he’s explaining it to a child, “said ‘yes’ to my proposal-” A smile splits his face, predatory in a way that makes you press your legs together, “-probably still buzzin’ for my cock too. Sounds engaged to me.”

You balk, your mouth hung open as you gape at him. Is he insane?

Simon doesn’t even look at you, just reaches to the side and presses against the underside of your chin with gentle, firm fingers, closing your mouth. Then he leans past you to open the glove compartment and tug a crumple of papers out onto your lap.

“If ya get bored you can look over those.” He tells you, flicking on his signal to hop on the highway.

You glance down at the mess of papers settled on your thighs, a mass of text and fine print that your eyes can’t focus on because they’re so shaken by the two poised at the top:

“Marriage License.”

divider by @/saradika-graphics

#cod x reader #x reader #simon ghost riley #ghost mw2 #simon ghost riley x reader #ghost x reader #simon riley #simon riley x reader #ghost cod #ghost call of duty #f!reader

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shomatoriashi · 1 month ago

Text

12/11/24; 08:30pm

sylus x fem.reader

notes: 🗣️ because the sylus brainrot hours does not stop in this house !!!

[ minors don’t interact; by choosing to interact with this content, you have consented to viewing something n-fw despite the warnings. ]

when sylus asked you to keep him company while he worked out in his private gym, you saw no reason to deny him, wishing to spend as much time with him as you could before his next big “business trip.”

settled against one of the many couches scattered throughout the gym (an addition sylus added for your sole comfort on days where you didn’t feel like working out with him) you flip through the pages of the novel you were currently reading, feigning interest in the printed pages when in all actuality-

you were listening closely to each grunt and groan that came from your beloved each time his fists met with the punching bag. your gaze watches him from your periphery, admiring the way his muscles remained taut with each breathtaking movement.

you spent at least a good half an hour simply drooling at your lover, even dropping the pretense of reading your novel as your hungry eyes followed his every movement.

each gasp and grunt, coupled along with the bead of sweat that runs down his angled brow sent a wave of desire crashing into you, marring your thoughts as you quickly sought ways to get him to notice you.

hoping that you could play it off cool, you stand from your seat on the couch and walked with as much grace that you could manage towards the fridge settled near the walls. your sudden movements manages to earn sylus’s attention when he stops his training. even with your back turned, you could have sworn those garnet eyes were burning into you, watching your every move with a heightened interest.

pretending that you don’t notice his burning gaze, you settle on taking out an ice cold bottle of water before closing the fridge. uncapping the bottle, you take some sips from the bottle, nearly choking when sylus makes his way over to you all while wiping the sweat from his brow with the ends of his tank top-

giving you an almost sinfully delicious view of his toned abdomen and the happy trail of silver leading down to the front of his shorts. you try to keep your mouth shut, swallowing the rest of the water down while offering the rest of the bottle to sylus.

he thanks you with a simple grunt, tilting the bottle toward his lips before finishing off the rest of it. throughout it all, you kept your gaze honed in on him, watching his adam’s apple move in tune with each gulp while making note of the stray droplet that travels down toward the base of his throat.

running on pure instinct now, you stand on the tip of your toes to reach him, shamelessly pressing your lips against his throat as your tongue eagerly laps away at the single droplet. you were dimly aware of a choked sound escaping from sylus, but was too caught up in the mere taste of him to fully comprehend it.

once you had your fill, you murmur against his skin, “i lied about not wishing to workout with you, for i found something much more fun and pleasurable to do than riding on a peloton bike.”

“and what would that be, sweetie?” sylus asks you in a gruff tone, yet you were certain he knew what you meant-

he just wanted to hear you say it.

a mischievous grin spreads across your face when you purposely slide down his form, kneeling in front of him while giving him a playful wink before admitting, “why, riding you, of course.”

your honesty was enough to course a surge of desire to course through him, his crimson gaze now eclipsed with darkness as you felt his member slowly harden from within the confines of his gym shorts. with a lick of your lips, you gently pull down the silken material of his shorts, allowing them to pool against his feet before gripping at the edge of his boxers with your two hands, freeing his half-erect cock.

you work on stroking sylus to full hardness, hands pumping his shaft while admiring the way it steadily began to grow for you. he groans, tossing his head back with hands automatically going into your hair. “you’ve been working so hard lately, giving me everything i could ever want and need while making every single one of my wishes and dreams come true, so it’s only fair that i return the favor…”

with your speech out of the way and sylus’s cock erect and ready for you, you take in as much of his dick inside of your mouth, allowing his groans and the way his hand tightens against your hair to further motivate you. truthfully, your man was massive, and you had to stroke whatever you couldn’t fit comfortably in your mouth with your two hands, basking in his sexy grunts and groans of your name.

your tongue swirls over the mushroom tip of his cock, managing to lick away at the beads of precum that escapes from it. with each stroke came another pulse that you could feel deep within your mouth. the way he repeats your name into almost broken syllables makes you meet his gaze, settling the tip of his cock against your tongue. the sight of you so willingly worshipping him makes the last bit of self control snap.

“you’re mine, sweetie.” with both hands on your head, he controls you, swiftly moving your head rapidly back and forth on his cock. when you end up gagging a few times due to his massive size, sylus manages to slow down a bit, coaxing you to tighten your lips around his cock as he rode out his release from feeling the tightness you willingly provided for him, stroking himself within your hot mouth all while letting out a string of curses.

“tch-“ unable to hold back, sylus releases himself into your awaiting mouth, trembling with need the moment he sees you swallowing everything he had to offer. his heart was still racing when he manages to pull his softening dick out of you, hands already lovingly stroking at your damp cheek while asking, “are you alright, love?”

you lick your lips while letting out a sigh, meeting his loving gaze with your own. “of course… i told you that i wished to spoil you, and i meant every word.”

after reassuring him, you stand back to your full height and snap your fingers at him all while pointing down at the floor. “now, lay on your back for me, because it’s my turn to start my workout.”

his eyes go wide at hearing your demands, and truthfully, had it been anyone else ordering him around-

they would have been choked to death by his evol within seconds-

but with you, he was willing to make an exception.

it was sylus’s turn to swallow thickly, yet still, he follows your command and takes off his tank top, leaving him completely bare for you before laying on his back against the firm padding. you allow your hungry gaze to rake down his form, eyes admiring how perfectly sculpted his body was before settling your eyes on the area between his legs.

with your center practically aching to be filled by him, you take off the rest of your clothes, tossing each fabric to the side while giggling at the way sylus’s cock twitches in response to your nakedness. with both of your legs now settled over either sides of his waist, you stroke his cock with the underside of your slick heat, purring when you playfully asked, “is someone excited to see me?”

sylus rolls his eyes at you, trying to maintain some semblance of masculine pride when his large hands grip at your waist, “please, every inch of me screams for you, sweetie.”

“hn, is that so?” your giggle quickly morphs into needy moans the more sylus’s cock was felt hardening, now pressing up against you as his tip was felt tracing at your outer lips, creating a friction that you were quickly becoming addicted to.

wanting nothing more than to skip any further foreplay, you lift yourself off of him for a brief moment, angling his cock with a shocking expertise as you were able to align his erection with your aching cunt before sliding down on him, completely sheathing himself within you. the moment his cock penetrates at your entrance, you felt the ache disappear within seconds before moving against him. with your hands planted on his chest, you squeeze your slick heat around him with each thrust, earning a low hiss from him.

just hearing the sounds he was making urges you to continue, your movements becoming faster as your thrusts became sloppier. you rode him with a desperation, feeling a surge of confidence coursing through you at the grunts on eager moans sylus was making. there truly was nothing more satisfying than being able to bring such a powerful man to his knees for you-

leaving him a mess of soft moans and desperate grunts of your name all while willingly submitting himself to you-

and you loved him for it.

wishing to further increase his pleasure, you lean forward to press a lingering kiss against his chest (directly over his rapidly beating heart), while murmuring against his skin, “i love you, there’s nothing i wouldn’t do to make you happy, sylus.” you manage to tell him in between your rapid thrusts against his cock, earning yet another low hiss from him.

“how dare you make me so obsessed with you?” sylus suddenly grips at your hips, stilling your movements as he thrusts upwards in a forceful manner, the intensity of it all making you see stars as you were left gasping for air and clawing at his chest. “you know damn well that i would kill for you- that i would die for you. and now, you do this to make me go insane for you?”

his powerful thrusts and the way his thick cock kept impaling you over and over again all while rubbing against your harden clit makes you cry out to him, your back already arched against him as you climaxed on his cock, the clear fluids of your release rushing out of you before traveling down sylus’s shaft. with a final roar of your name, sylus stills his hips before shooting his seed directly inside of you, painting your walls white with the evidence of his love.

“you’re mine in every sense of the word, kitten.” sylus manages to tell you with one final thrust against your scorching heat, making sure he was completely emptied inside of you before stroking himself against your walls once more. the moment you felt him grow inside of you, your eyes grew wide as you let out a sigh of pleasure, “a-again, b-but i already feel satisfied… ah!” you end up swallowing the rest of your words with a moan the moment sylus uses yet another upward thrust against you.

a dark chuckle escapes from sylus’s parted lips as he moves against you once more. “what can i say, kitten? you’ve just awakened the beast in me.”

extended epilogue:

meanwhile, while away from the lower levels of the mansion that housed sylus’s personal gym, luke and kieran were looking at each other while observing sylus and his queen’s respective phones. their health apps were going haywire as each notification spoke about how they were both getting some much needed cardio in, with each “workout session” lasting anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour.

despite how the twins were wearing their respective masks, they were so in tune with each other that they could feel their grins going wide in response.

“so they’re both doing cardio, eh?”

“and for 30 minutes to hour long sessions? boss man can get it.”

their whistles and laughter echoes throughout the living room, with them giving each other high fives while knowing not to disturb their boss while he was in the middle of some rigorous exercise.

end notes: i wanted to write a story like this since radiant brilliance was announced, but never got the chance to complete it until now (⺣◡⺣)♡ this is currently unedited, but as always, i’ll make any changes once this is posted ♡

all stories are written by rei; please do not repost, plagiarize, or translate my works!!

#sylus smut #sylus x reader #sylus x y/n #sylus x you #lads x reader #lnds x reader #l&ds x reader #lads smut #lnds smut #l&ds smut #writings 📖

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ckret2 · 14 days ago

Text

Chapter 81 of human Bill Cipher not enjoying being the Mystery Shack's prisoner but being even less keen on being the government's prisoner: the feds are snooping around the shack, nobody likes this, and so a family meeting is called to discuss how to send them packing.

####

"I just kept telling him I didn't know anything," said Soos. He was slumped bonelessly on the couch, wiping his sweaty forehead with his sleeve and holding a soda in one shaky hand. "I accidentally said I don't know anything when he asked where he could get lunch in town!"

"You did good, Soos," Stan said. "That's how you handle feds—don't tell 'em anything."

Stan and Ford had called a household meeting, and now everyone was packed into the living room: Soos and the kids on the couch, Stan and Abuelita in the armchairs, Bill and Wendy at the living room table, and Ford out in the entryway so he could pace.

(Everyone was wearing deely boppers. Mabel had had a very productive day.)

Even Waddles and Gompers had been dragged to the mandatory meeting. Gompers had already eaten the pink pompoms off Waddle's deely boppers and was now trying to eat the hem of Dipper's shorts while Dipper tried to push him back from touching the sunburns on his legs.

"What are we gonna do?" Dipper asked. "Last year these guys tried to arrest Stan, and he was still using a fake name back then—so now, the agents could be after Stan or Ford."

"Dial back the pessimism. Right now, they're not after anybody," Bill said. "They're just following up on the eclipse from last week." And a tip about somebody dangerous in the shack. Bill pushed those worries aside. "They don't have any reason to come back!"

"Except the flash drive," Soos said. "Which they know is here. Inside the shack. Cuz they sensed it."

"Right. Yep. Except that," Bill said. "Hey, Dolores—howsabout you whip up one of your special 'welcome to the shack' dinners for them? I'm sure they'd enjoy it just as much as I did."

Dolores nodded thoughtfully. (The tiny sleigh bells on her deely boppers jingles.) "I could," she said. "But what would we do with the bodies?"

"We've got the perfect in-house body disposal! Chop 'em up and feed 'em to the pig."

"Nooo!" Mabel flung her arms protectively over Waddles. He oinked neutrally. "We're not feeding people to Waddles!"

"He'd probably love it!"

"Uh-uh."

"Fine, then the gnomes," Bill said.

Ford said, "Let's call murder 'Plan B.'"

Bill rolled his eye. "All right, smart guy, what's Plan A?"

Ford didn't immediately reply. He paced for another few seconds in the entryway, gathering his thoughts. "There are three ways this could end badly. We have to find a way to prevent all of them," he finally said. "One: the agents discover that there's something under the house and find the portal. Two: the agents remember there's something under the house, and realize they've been brainwashed. Three: the agents retrieve their flash drive, and that reminds them something's under the house."

Stan added, "And if any of those happens, we're both going to jail. Probably Soos too, as an accomplice. Kids might even be in trouble for escaping custody last year." Dipper and Mabel exchanged an alarmed look.

Bill looked at Wendy. "Hey, look who's off the hook." He held up a hand.

"Woo-hoo!" She high-fived him. "We'll visit the rest of you guys in jail."

Mournfully, Mabel asked, "If we get arrested, can you send me crayons?"

"I'll get you one of those boxes with a hundred crayons," Bill said. "And hide a shank in that yellowy green one you never use."

"Thanks."

But if any of those three scenarios came true, that meant government agents crawling all over Bill's portal. Best case scenario, it'd end up halfway across the country in a secret military base. There was tech left in the wreck in the basement that couldn't possibly be synthesized using Earth's current technology, and the Trilazzx Betian ship didn't have backup parts for all of them.

And that wasn't even taking that anonymous tip into account...

"I shouldn't have to go to jail," Ford grumbled. "I wasn't behind the crimes committed in my name, Stanley was."

"Hey," Stan said, "you're the one who impersonated a government agent! Besides, did you really not commit any crimes while building your dumb portal?"

Ford winced. "What's the statute of limitations on burgling radioactive waste?"

"Don't worry, Mothman," Bill called. (Ford self-consciously adjusted his deely boppers, which had paper moths taped to the ends.) "I tossed most of the incriminating evidence in the bottomless pit while you were asleep!"

"Wh— Is that where my lockpicking kit went?!"

"Haha, yeah!" Bill had bought Keyhole's loyalty for the next three hundred years with that.

Wendy waved a hand between Bill and Ford to interrupt their banter. "We can probably keep them from discovering the portal by just not giving them a reason to look behind the vending machine, right?"

"And if we keep them from getting Gompers, they won't get the flash drive," Dipper said.

Mabel said, "What if we put him on a plane to Japan! Do you wanna go to Japan, Gompers?"

Gompers looked at Mabel impassively.

"It's no good," Abuelita said. "It will take weeks to get a passport for the goat."

"Aww."

"There are plenty of ways we can keep their hands off the drive," Ford said. "We could just hide Gompers underground, for instance—there's no way their sensors can reach that far.

Oh no, not when it was clear someone had been down there tinkering with the portal. "Do that and they'll know we did something to hide it! We'll never get rid of them then."

"True," Ford sighed.

Bill said. "I'm most worried about them remembering something on their own. The agents mentioned the portal's gravitational anomalies from last summer—are they remembering something they shouldn't, or did you leave them with those memories?"

Ford hesitated, glancing uncertainly at Stan. Stan shrugged.

"Oh, right. You aren't the expert on how the memory gun operates." Bill rolled his eye toward Wendy. "You see how helpless he is without me around to feed him information?"

"Pshh, shut up. Keep me out of your weird old people academic grudge."

Dryly, Ford said, "Care to enlighten us with your superior knowledge, o god of wisdom?"

No, he really didn't. Not for Ford, anyway. He wouldn't even be grateful for it.

But, under the circumstances—knowing that the agents were after him, too... "Oh, why not," Bill said. "What did you enter in the gun? The exact wording."

Ford frowned, glancing toward the ceiling as he concentrated. "It was... I didn't know exactly how much they knew—I didn't even know which names they knew Stan under—so I tried to make it as broad as possible. I think it said something like 'Pines Household's Secrets'?"

Bill thought that over. "Okay. Okay, yeah, that works. That's perfect, actually—best answer you could have given. You never disappoint, IQ."

Ford was visibly unmoved by the flattery (which was just as well, because Bill had given it out of habit as he slid back into the role of teacher, and had immediately regretted it). "And I suppose you're going to explain why that wording is so important."

"I could," Bill said. "Do you want to know?"

Ford glowered at Bill, lips pressed together in a thin line. Bill stared back, brows arched expectantly. (Wendy looked between the two of them and snorted. Bill pushed her without breaking eye contact with Ford.)

Mabel said, "I wanna know."

"Good enough for me!" Bill hopped from his seat and crossed the living room to a spot where he could address the group more easily. "The memory gun doesn't actually destroy memories, it just severs the connections between those memories and the rest of the brain. Like snipping a squid's tentacles to free it from a squid king."

"What's a squid king?" Soos asked.

"It's like a rat king made of giant squid. It takes at least four to qualify because if their tentacles are knotted in a circle that's just a squid ring," Bill said. "So! Usually you find your own memories by their relationship to other memories. Driving by the grocery store reminds you that you need to go shopping, which reminds you that you're out of straws, which reminds you of when your doctor's eye got gouged out, which reminds you of those vampires in the library, which reminds you of that book you need to return, yadda yadda."

Stan said, "Wait, your doctor got what—?"

"He was fine, he had it coming, and I was nowhere nearby."

"And how's that get you to vampires?!"

"The tangy taste of blood left in your straw. Please hold any other questions to the end!" Bill said. "But, since the memory gun severs a memory from the ones connected to it, you can't be indirectly reminded of it—the chain's been broken. But the memory'sstill there. All it takes is a direct reminder to recall it, and then it starts reattaching to your other memories. Everyone with me so far?" He directed the question in Mabel's direction.

Mabel nodded. Ford opened his mouth to ask a question.

"Great," Bill said. "But! What gets severed is determined by whatever you programmed into the gun. So, for example, if you run into a vampire in the library, then get shot with a memory gun programmed with the word 'Vampires,' there's no more jumping from your doctor to that late book! And you won't remember your vampire encounter if you wander around the library—at most, you might get a sense of deja vu—but you will get back your memory of the whole thing if you run into another vampire!"

He nodded toward Ford. "So 'Pines household's secrets is the best phrase you could've picked. It means they forgot any Pines secrets—including Stanley's criminal record—any household secrets—including the machine in the basement—and since they only forgot the 'secrets,' they can run into anything that isn't secret without recovering their severed memories—like, say, the entire upstairs of the shack."

Slowly, Ford said, "Then that's why they remember last year's gravitational anomalies. The cause is one of our secrets, but the anomalies themselves aren't a secret—they're a matter of public record."

"Bingo," Bill said. "Well! That should be simple enough. Any questions?"

Mabel raised a hand.

Bill pointed at her. "Yes!"

"Are there vampires at the library?"

"Not anymore!"

"Aw."

Dipper asked, "Did you murder your doctor with a straw?"

"I did not and I won't be taking any more questions on the topic, it was a very traumatic experience" for the patient who went in after Bill.

Stan asked, "Why are you wearing a bedsheet for a skirt."

"Because somebody—" Bill shot Soos a dark look, "grabbed all my perfectly clean clothes for laundry day, and left me with a bedsheet and one dirty t-shirt."

Soos chuckled sheepishly. "Whoops. Sorry, dude."

Ford grudgingly raised a hand.

Bill grudgingly said, "What."

"Are squid kings real."

"Yes. As of last summer there were seven with at least fifty giant squid, but two were negotiating a merger so it might be six by now. I haven't had a chance to check!"

"Negotiating a merger? Do—do they combine voluntarily?"

"Oh, sure. In droves. It's a huge honor! The one I'm friends with says the psychic powers are totally worth the eventual zombification—they're ninety percent undead now and haven't regretted it once in five hundred years."

Ford opened his mouth, got stuck between three questions, and didn't manage to settle on one before Abuelita raised a hand.

Bill's attention switched to her. "Yes!"

With an air of patience unwarranted by Bill's actions, Abuelita asked, "Why are you standing on my TV."

Bill looked down. So he was. "This is my lecture podium."

Abuelita's eyes narrowed. Bill cheerfully ignored her. "Any questions about the memory gun?"

There was a general murmured agreement that, no, that part had been pretty clear. Stan snapped, "Now get off the TV."

As Bill hopped down and caught his balance, Wendy said, "So... as long as they don't know any of the shack's secrets and we get the flash drive out of Gompers before they're back, we're cool, right? We can just erase their files and say 'hey, sorry, the goat pooped this out, totally not our fault.' If they don't remember anything, it's not like they've got a reason to keep investigating the shack."

Bill tried to imagine how they'd react if he told them someone had anonymously reported him to the agents. What if they decided scapegoating him could protect the rest of them from the investigation? (And was he sure it wasn't someone in the room who'd reported him?) "Yep! Pretty much! That'd solve our problems!"

"Okay," Wendy said. "Great. So... we're good, right?"

The room studied each other uneasily, everyone waiting for someone else to answer. "Yes," Ford said unconvincingly. "We're good. Er—kids, we need to... discuss the details of... how to handle this. You don't need to stick around." He looked at Stan. Stan gave him a slight nod. (It made the googly eyes on his deely boppers wiggle.)

Dipper and Mabel exchanged a glance. Dipper said, "Are you sure? We could..."

"I'm sure. Maybe you should go upstairs," Ford said. "Leave Gompers here."

Mabel sat up straighter, preparing to argue, and glanced toward Bill; but when Bill shrugged rather than ready to defend her, she sighed and poked Dipper. "C'mon." ("Ow." He pushed her finger away from his sunburned arm.) They left reluctantly, Mabel escorting Waddles along with her.

Ford tilted his head toward the door. "That means you too, Miss Corduroy. Hup hup."

Wendy groaned. "Fine." She slid out of her seat and headed for the door. "Hey Goldie, let me know if anything interesting happens."

"You got it, cool girl."

Soos raised a hand. "Am I one of the kids?"

"Not today," Ford said.

"Aw."

Sensing a change in the atmosphere, Abuelita got to her feet. "I will get dinner started." She shuffled out of the room.

Bill waited until the door shut behind Wendy and he was sure the kids were upstairs; and then asked, "So are we kicking the kids out for the reason I think?"

"Afraid so. Now that the government knows the flash drive is here, they'll be back with a warrant as soon as possible. We can't waste any time." Ford knelt next to Gompers and pulled out a scalpel. "Somebody hold the goat down."

"Whoa!" Stan jumped to his feet. His deely bopper googly eyes rattled in alarm. "Were you just carrying that around?!"

Bill was abruptly reminded of one of the reasons he'd liked Ford. He squatted next to him. "All right, I can see where the drive's lodged, I can tell you where to cut—"

"Dudes!" Soos flung himself across Gompers. 'You can't cut him open! He's like part of the family! He's been eating out of the shack's garbage for years, does that mean nothing to you?!" (Gompers attempted to eat the foam lightning bolts off Soos's deely boppers.)

Bill groaned. "Come on, who cares?! It's not like he's a person anymore!"

The room stared at Bill. Stan said, "Did you say 'anymore'?"

Bill paused. "Forget I said that."

Ford sighed. "Fine, we'll try to find a solution without surgery." (But, Bill thought, he sounded a little disappointed.) "But if we're using a slower method, the agents might be back before we can retrieve the flash drive. We need a way to stop them from finding it."

"Or from finding the door behind the vending machine," Soos said. "Now that they know the drive's been here, they're gonna keep looking until they find it! What if they think it might've fallen behind the vending machine or something?"

"What we need is a distraction," Stan said. "Something that'll keep 'em from searching the shack too thoroughly."

"And ideally, something that will keep them from coming back," Ford said. "They keep returning to Gravity Falls because of the power surges and related gravity anomalies in town, correct? Obviously, the meteor shower story wasn't convincing enough. If we give them an explanation that lets them close the case completely..."

Which was all well and good, except they weren't just looking for power surges and gravity hiccups anymore. They thought somebody in the shack was a threat to national security. Bill had kept suspicion away from himself for the day by pretending to be a tourist, but if the eagles got serious, that wouldn't last long. If they were watching the shack, they'd realize Bill was a resident; and if they tried to investigate him at all, they'd quickly realize they couldn't find any legal records of his existence. Not to put too fine a point on it, but the Theraprism's reincarnation machine hadn't given him the right skin color to get away with that in this country, especially during a witch hunt for a suspected terrorist.

And, worse—what if they did identify him?

He'd heard Agent Trigger say Soos's alien keychains resembled the "real thing." The Bureau of Covert Investigations didn't tell all its agents about all its cases—but it sounded like these two had been to Hangar 618 at least once.

So had Bill.

Over 60 years ago, a military experiment had accidentally ripped open a very small hole to the Nightmare Realm. Not big enough for Bill to squeeze his full self through (HA! Not even close), but big enough to project a hologram through—something solid enough for the soldiers who'd detected the temporary rift to see and touch. And, naturally, they'd hauled his hologram to Hangar 618—the five-sensed suckers thought the projection was his real body—where they hid all their unidentified fallen objects.

It had been fun! He'd gotten to use all his army name puns (Major Pain, General Disarray, Private Shame, etc.), he'd lived out a centuries-old dream of snorting a line of gunpowder, he'd gotten Commander I-Don't-Even-Know-'Er to sing "On Top of Spaghetti" in exchange for Bill agreeing to leave the artillery room, he'd learned a dirty joke from the nurse brought in to assist with his vivisection, he'd introduced himself to half the base...

He'd introduced himself.

Somewhere, probably in some redacted appendix to Project Blue Book, the US military had a file on Bill Cipher—and so did the eagles. They knew his name. Hell, they even had his thumbprints—obviously alien thumbprints, that he'd retained when he reincarnated. Every object in the shack he'd ever touched carried the proof that he was Bill Cipher.

If whoever had sent the Bureau a tip had mentioned his name... Well, there were a lot of Bills in America, but not a lot using the last name "Cipher." There were probably under fifty living humans who knew about the triangle in Hangar 618, but for those who did, hearing that name resurface in Gravity Falls would blow their gelatinous little minds. He was sure they would love to get their hands on him again. He bet they'd be fascinated to find out how a triangle had fit into a human skin.

Getting hauled into a secret government facility had only been fun when his true self was still in the Nightmare Realm and the part of him in captivity had been a projection made of light, dreams, and lethal doses of radiation. Plus, that had been before he really, truly knew what it was like to be a captive. Now, the thought of being hauled back to that interrogation room—with the cheap metal chairs and gray floor and gray walls and stark sharp light—made him nauseous. The idea of being questioned about himself by some arrogant buzzkill in a suit sounded too much like therapy for comfort.

And it would be so much easier for them to keep him from escaping when he was weighed down by flesh.

Nobody was protecting Bill. The Pines weren't above throwing him under the bus if they thought it might save their precious little family from arrest. There was nothing for it. If he wanted to save himself—he had to help.

"Listen," Bill said. "I have an idea. It's iffy, and it'll require you all to trust me a bit..." He paused to give them an opportunity to laugh.

Only Stan chuckled. Good enough for Bill. "But, it might be our best shot."

"Okay," Ford said warily. "What is it."

"Bear with me," Bill said. "I bet I could get the head agent off our case by flirting with him a little."

And that time they laughed at him.

Bill patiently waited. "Okay, okay, ha ha, but the guy's been leering at me the last two days. Ask Wendy, she's the one who noticed! And do you know what his love life looks like? Because I do. Woof. Dry as a bone. That man's married to his work! He's lonelier than Elvis is!"

"Wait," Ford said. "What does that mean? Where's Elvis?"

"Not important. The point is, he's a soft target, he's already into this—" he gestured disdainfully at his human body, "and he's got the loosest lips in the eagles. I make a little small talk, I compliment his mustache and pretend I think working for the government is attractive, I keep him too dazzled to notice what's right in front of his face..." Bill trailed off. "And... that's as far as I've gotten. We'll figure it out as we go! Maybe I just distract him too much to do his job, maybe I strangle him in the bathroom and sell his body parts to half a dozen inhuman vendors in the Crawlspace, I don't know! I'll improvise!"

"It's barely half a plan," Ford said.

"It's the biggest fraction of a plan we have. What do we have to lose?"

"I think he might be on to something," Stan said. "I mean, consider it. Bill's an objectively beautiful woman."

The room stared at him. Bill flipped up his eyepatch to double his stare.

"What! It's just a fact!"

"Aww, Stan." Bill laced his hands together coquettishly and batted his lashes.

"Save it."

"Stanley. I had no idea you felt that way about me—"

"Can it, Cipher! " Stan curled a fist threateningly. Bill winked at him. Stan shuddered. "Eugh. Physical attraction's only gonna carry you so far, demon! Can you attract a man when you're talking to him? Because personally, I find you less appealing every time you open your mouth—and you were in the negatives the first time we met."

Bill thought about that. Bill thought about all his human cultists. Bill thought about all his human cultists whom he'd caught having scandalous dreams about endless staring eyes and cool black hands that buzzed with static and being fully exposed before the golden glory of an ever-watching false sun. Bill thought about that one time he tried to ask one of his sects to at least invite him to his own wedding and wait for him to RSVP before symbolically marrying more cult novitiates to him and they sorta nodded and said "okay" and then went and wedded him to another dozen Cipherwives anyway. "Yeah! Sure! No problem! I attract humans all the time! They can't get enough of this!"

"Okay, but can you attract a human that isn't into freaky space triangle things?"

Bill tapped his index fingers together thoughtfully. "Ummm..."

####

1981

A clubber eyed the hands of the man sitting at the bar beside him.

The man noticed the look and turned toward the clubber, grinning too wide, staring at him with yellowish slitted eyes that seemed to flash in the dim light like a cat's. "Yeah, I know." He drummed his fingers on the bar top. "Six fingers."

The clubber flinched at being caught staring. "Oh—sorry."

"Don't be! It's a built-in conversation starter!" The six-fingered yellow-eyed man laughed. "Hey! Have you ever had six fingers before?"

"Uhh," the clubber said. "Nnno?"

"Would you like to?" The man winked with both eyes, one at a time.

The clubber frowned at him in confusion, and then slowly turned away without answering.

####

"Sure," Bill cheerfully lied. "No problem!"

####

There was a knock on the attic bedroom door. Mabel opened it.

Stan and Ford stood in the doorway with a sulky Bill in between them. Stan pushed Bill into the room and said, "Teach him how to flirt."

Mabel gasped in delight.

####

(Well that took way later than I wanted it to—but it's finally out.

Head's up, I've got two zine deadlines that take priority, my workload triples at the end of the year, and I'm currently preparing the house to welcome home a new baby*, so we might skip next week's chapter. Hopefully not, though; I'd hate to start the new year that way. We'll see.

*it's a snake. the new baby is a boa constrictor.

Let me know what y'all think! I'm looking forward to hearing your thoughts.)

#bill cipher #human bill cipher #gravity falls #gravity falls fic #gravity falls fanart #fanart #my art #my writing #bill goldilocks cipher #(Edit: 'oh i did SUCH a good job remembering to draw Young Ford's hair' says artist who hasn't yet noticed the art has Old Ford's eyebrows)#(fixed now)

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mayandjuly1811 · 29 days ago

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I DISLIKE HUNTER'S FAVORITISM

Lilith is so based for this. Hunter gets special treatment from not only in the Emperor's coven but also in the entire show, crew and fandom.

The crew also loves the idea of giving him more trauma and focus. During livestreams and talk shows, there are always questions about him, even more than King - one of the main characters.

In the show, many point out that the first letters of the episodes in which he appears with the Hexsquad is an acronym for H-E-A-L (Hunting Palismen, Eclipse Lake, Any Sports in A Storm, Labyrinth Runner). It means the Hexsquad, even Luz, the main character, is a plot device for his arc. I also knew that Hunter was written to stay at the Owl House after the whole event of Hollow Mind. Imagine him staying with the main characters of the show, having them comforting him, center around him. It will be the same with how the Hexsquad is written to be centered around him as his support system again, specifically Gus and Willow. Undoubtedly, the show intended to make him one of the main characters so obviously that it isn't subtle anymore.

- Luz: the main character of the show. In season 2B, Hunter replaces Luz as their new best friend in the trio. Like seriously? Even though Luz is dating Amity, she can still have spare time for her friends. But the writers don't care, so Hunter will have more time with Willow and Gus. It paints Luz in a bad light as someone who throws her friendship away once she finds love. It's OOC of Luz. Never thought a main character could get such bad writing treatment.

The nightmare sequence is also unreasonable. While others’ resentment towards Luz sounds more logical, Hunter's isn't, at least to me. I don't get why the writers wrote Luz thinking Hunter get mad of her like this “I lost him helping you.” Who helps who actually? He came to Luz's place first. He was the one asking Luz for help and not the other way around. He literally ran away first and intended to face Belos alone despite Luz's calling. Even though Luz is self-blaming, her interaction in the nightmare sequence with Hunter makes no sense.

- Next is Amity: I was expecting Amity to have more screen time with Willow, since I'm not satisfied with how their friendship is written. But alas, if Luz, the main character, doesn't even have any episodes ever since Hunter appears, how could Amity - a side character - can?

The writing flaw is obvious in her rekindled friendship with Willow. The way Amity views Willow's strength is negatively retconned. In Understanding Willow, she says that she didn't think of Willow as weak. In the next episode, she even cooperates with Willow and Luz to compete against Boscha. Grudgeby is a dangerous sport, and Boscha is a tough competitor who has won several cups. Obviously, Willow proves her strength there, shows her magic and even scores the last goal. Amity sees it all. In season 1, it's going in the right direction, Amity acknowledges that Willow isn't weak and even cooperates with her. She never tries to stop Willow from competing with the excuse of thinking her weak. But in Labyrinth Runner, she gets done dirty so bad. The writers intend to show that she's overprotective of Willow and wants to protect her, but by what way? Trying to make up for the times when she can't stand up for Willow in the past? No, by underestimating her. This makes no sense compared to how she's written in season 1. This scene, when Amity says that the guards are tough, and not anyone can stand up to them, her lines can be added up like “Willow, you just got kidnapped by them and I'm worried about you. I faced the Scouts before, and they were quite tough, so I got thrown down the pit by one.” It would be better than writing her as underestimating Willow's strength! Oh and I hate the irritating scene “Good luck, Willow”. They could have just written Amity asking Willow if she was okay.

Why Amity is retconned like that? I strongly believe that Amity is flanderized as someone who underestimates Willow's strength to uplift Hunter, who admires and appreciates her strength despite only meeting her once. I already saw “Willow forgives Hunter faster because he sees her as strong while Amity sees her as a weakling.”

- Willow: Any Sports in a storm is supposed to be a Willow's episode but it's a Hunter's one apparently. Willow is written to be hard-working, determined and strong from the start of the episode with her dream of being the first Flyer Derby captain. But it gets overshadowed by Hunter's new friendship and interaction with the group. From the middle till the end, there's barely any scenes of Willow being recognized as a good captain. There's no scene at least like other teammates praising her for her leadership and planning. And there's no scene of her interpersonal emotions like “I did it” or her fathers being proud of her. She wishes to be good at Flyer Derby and follow in her fathers’ footsteps. It's never mentioned again. It's not about her, it's only about developing Hunter and the ship tease Huntlow. Instead of writing how her newfound confidence and captain leadership are recognized, her old wound “half-a-witch” is brought up to develop Hunter and Huntlow, even though it's not the SAME thing Hunter and Willow have in common!! Hunter gets the spotlight in the Flyer Derby team, from praising, encouragement to the photo taking. He's the centre in the photo, just like how everyone is focused on his slow typing at the end of the episode.

Willow is also retconned as a forced girlboss stereotype from dragging Hunter when they first met to being insensitive of his trauma. Like why did she get done so dirty? Especially in Thanks to Them, Willow comforts Vee quite well. She said Vee didn't have to go to the museum if she was still afraid. But it's not the same in For the Future when she tries to comfort Hunter by bringing a Flapjack's photo right after he lost his palisman.

- Last but not least, Gus. Labyrinth Runner is a Gus episode that gets overshadowed. The breathing technique is something special in Gus and Willow's friendship. But it's used to develop Hunter again. It's used to develop his and Gus's friendship, and his relationship with Willow.

Gus, who has been friends with Willow for years, can't recognize the real Willow while Hunter can. It's reasonable if Willow gets scared of Hunter. Also, that he thinks Willow doesn't get scared of him isn't entirely convincing to me. Even though Willow isn't utterly scared, she would at least be wary of him. He kidnapped her and others, locked them up, took their Palismen and took them away from their families. He saved them at the end, but what they've been through was very traumatizing. Willow is insecure about her strength. Not to mention it doesn't make any sense when Hunter sees how Willow doubts her strength and calls herself half-a-witch. He stirs up her insecurity and how can he think she isn't afraid of him? Yet in Labyrinth Runner, he is written to be more understanding of her strength more than Gus?

If Hunter knows that the illusion isn't Willow, Gus should have known as well. Gus is the master of illusion, and he can't even recognize an illusionist? Also, his best friend? They could have written that Gus recognizes Willow through the breathing technique, which is the only thing they knew to solidify their friendship more.

In Labyrinth Runner, both Amity and Gus are done dirty in this episode in order to make Hunter outshine them. And most of all, Huntlow. Hunter is written to be more understanding and appreciating Willow's strength more than Gus and Amity, so Huntlow would be more convincing.

- Season 3 has only three episodes but more than half of the screen time is about Hunter, playing the main character role just like Luz. I'm glad that I'm not the only one who thinks Hunter's possessed scene and killing Flapjack are unnecessary. How does it benefit his character and the plot? Hunter can still defy and fight Belos without being possessed. The only effect from this is his ability to do magic and going through more trauma. According to what the crew says, they like to give him trauma. It makes me think that they're too focused on him and make him have more screen time and attention than others.

- The writer gives him too much trauma yet they can't handle it right. Hence, they shouldn't have added that in the show, especially in a cancelled one. In For the Future, Hunter has to shove his grief down to comfort Willow. Gus is sidelined like usual in favor of Hunter and Huntlow. He knows about Hunter's secret, what Belos did and it traumatizes him a lot, but his feelings are never mentioned during season 3. Oh great, it's only brought up again when it has something to do with Hunter.

- Why can only Hunter reach out to Willow when she has a breakdown? Why is Gus trapped and further away from her? And if I thought it can't get any worse, Willow only says thank you to Hunter then holds his pinky. What about Gus? He tried to comfort her too. Willow first met Gus when he was having a mental breakdown, she comforted him and understood him. That's the start of their friendship. It will be much more meaningful when Gus plays a more important part in helping Willow by the same breathing technique she taught him. Even though Willow and Gus usually stay together, their friendship is written on such a surface-level despite having a lot of potential.

- Willow and Gus are considered as the most powerful characters in the group. But the writers say “no, let Hunter shine”. First minute, both Willow and Gus are confident that they can take down Kikimora, but later, Hunter has to come to the rescue. Like, I'm not saying Hunter can't save her or Willow is weak but it doesn't fit right in this moment. Willow has just got her comfort and confidence back, yet she doesn't get to have the moments to show her strength and power. Give me Willow and Gus’s power combo that defeats Kikimora satisfyingly, not just boasting about their power, but failing and then getting rescued by Hunter. It feels like their power is nerfed out so Hunter has a chance to show off his new power (even though he's already done that).

- Lastly, Flapjack tattoo, another sign of Hunter favoritism to me, so feel free to agree to disagree about this. Tattoo is one of the most noticeable traits on one's body.

It's ingrained on the skin and noticeable on the characters’ designs. How on earth everyone else has to have the tattoo of his Palisman? I get that they want to respect Flapjack, but this seems like Hunter has main character favoritism in the show. The group doesn't even bond with Flapjack that much. They can show respect for the Palisman in other ways, making a carving, album and so on. If they tattooed it, it's mostly because of Hunter. I still prefer Luz to have flowery tattoos or something else related to her father. And I prefer others having their tattoos of their own Palismen rather than Hunter's.

- Not only the Hexsquad but another side character also suffers from this, Alador. In Clouds on the Horizon, Alador shows his clear doubt towards Hunter. It makes perfectly sense because he was the Emperor's right-hand man, everyone is doubtful of him, including people at Hexside. They even intend to send him back to the coven. But when Alador doubts him, instead of explaining himself like he has with the Hexside teachers and students, he chooses to criticize Alador. "At least I didn't build him an army." That's a weak counterback. Did Hunter forget that he was the one coming to the Blight factory and inform that Belos wants the Abomatons exclusively?Belos is the most powerful person on the Isles, so both Odalia and Alador can't defy him and can only build the Abomatons only for him. They can't sell their invention to others anymore. It's hypocritical of Hunter to say that to Alador when he was in the same position like them, unable to defy Belos's power and demand. Instead of saying that "I'm leaving Belos" "I'm not going back to him." "I realized he wasn't like how he actually is" to counter Alador's doubt, Hunter criticizes Alador for also helping Belos with such a weak counterpoint. People only attack others personally when they run out of excuses in an argument. The writing of their interaction makes no sense, and intends to make Hunter the victim and Alador the bad guy. Unfortunately, I only saw how hypocritical Hunter is.

In short, the favoritism in Hunter's writing did damage to other characters' writing, including Luz, the main character. He is written as the most sympathetic character, while some characters are nerfed and OOC to make him outshine them. If the show is written like that, no wonder the fandom centres around him too much and put other characters down in favour of him.

#toh criticism #toh critical #anti huntlow #hunter criticism #long post #ramblings

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celtigxr · 5 months ago

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- - - - - The Pink Dread Master List

Aemond Targaryen x Plus Size!Celtigar!OfC Slow Burn - Friends to Enemies to Lovers

Summary: Theres so much bad blood between these two, but there is also longing... for what they used to have, for what might have been, had it not been for Aemond's betrayal.

Alternatively: First loves. Heartbreaks. Betrayals. Jealousy. Revenge. And repeat. The feud between former friends, Aemond and Valeana, sends a shockwave of social chaos for the Seven Realms as all gather to King's Landing for the Royal Conclave. A season of peace, intended to forge alliances through courtships and marriages, only for it to become a war of a different kind.

Cross Posted with AO3

Mindful of tags of TW below

Please reply if you want to be added to the tag list

Disclaimer: AI is not used in the writing of this story. It is primarily used to generate images when needed (for dresses, mostly), and to help with unique bard like songs, since I am terrible at writing songs and poems. Other than that, rest assured every word is written by me. I will clarify in each chapter when AI is being used and what for.

General Tags: MDNI, AemonxValeana end game, other ships, AFAB, PlusSize!OFC, Celtigar!OFC, Disabeled!OFC, Jealous!Aemond, Angry!Aemond, Healthy!Viserys, Enemies to Lovers, Aged Up characters, Fix It AU, The Dragons Do Not Dance, Eventual Smut, Redemption Arc for Aegon, Slight AegonxOFC, Slow Burn, pining, longing, angst. More may be added along the way. Genre: +18/MDNI, Romantic Comedy, Angst, Young Adult Drama, if Bridgerton had dragons. TW/CW: The story will contain realistic mental health themes. To avoid tumblr taking this post down, they will be coded:

Things such as E. D." Unalive Ideations, B0dy Dysm0rph!a, Blatant Fatph0bia, P T S D, descriptive trigger-induced anxiety attack due to P T S D, and a brief S A (By all definitions, it is, but... You'll see).

Other tw: Typical themes you find in the asoiaf universe. TW will be posted for individual chapters as we go. More may be added here.

Author's Note: Val and Aemond are end game in this, but the other ships are a surprise. I've got spreadsheets n shit.

Credits: Story cover made by me, divider found on pngtree

Prologue: With Friends Like These Chapter One: Return of the Crabs Chapter Two: Familiar Strangers Chapter Three: A King's Command Chapter Four: Unforgiven Chapter Five: Aegon's Doom Chapter Six: Aegon's Delight Chapter Seven: O, Brother Chapter Eight: Still Falling For You Chapter Nine: Protector Chapter Ten: What a Pity Chapter Eleven: Peace of Mind Chapter Twelve: High Horse Chapter Thirteen: Girl's Night Chapter Fourteen: The Will of Man Chapter Fifteen: Restless Chapter Sixteen: Eggs & Bacon Chapter Seventeen: The Daring Chapter Eighteen: Hydrangeas Chapter Nineteen: Pyres & Proposals Chapter Twenty: Family Matters Chapter Twenty-One: Green & Black Chapter Twenty-Two: Maiden's Day Chapter Twenty-Three: A Clash of Princes Chapter Twenty-Four: The Black Dread Chapter Twenty-Five: You Know Nothing Chapter Twenty-Six: A Helping Hand Chapter Twenty-Seven: Worth Less Chapter Twenty-Eight: Terrify Me Chapter Twenty-Nine: Eclipse Chapter Thirty: The Realm's Delight Chapter Thirty-One: Dark Sister Chapter Thirty-Two: Heart Racing (TBA) Chapter Thirty-Three: A House United (TBA) Chapter Thirty-Four: The House of Valyria (TBA) Chapter Thirty-Five: Defiled (TBA) Chapter Thirty-Six: The Ultimate Price (TBA) Chapter Thirty-Seven: Of Storms & Sirens (TBA) Chapter Thirty-Eight: ( to be written ) More chapters to come...

EXTRAS:

Music:

Please do not re-post, redistribute, or plagiarize my stories. I have no problems being a Karen and reporting immediately upon discovery without warning. All rights reserved for GRRM, the creator for this universe and characters, and HBO.

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savage-kult-of-gorthaur · 1 month ago

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MANGA HITS THE WESTERN COMICS MARKET AT THE DAWN OF THE DECADE -- GIRLS WITH GUNS GALORE.

PIC(S) INFO: Mega spotlight on print advertisements for "Dirty Pair II" #3 manga series, produced by Studio Proteus for Eclipse International, from late 1989 to early 1990. Artwork by Adam Warren. Story/script by Toren Smith & A.W.

PIC #3: Print advert for the original "Appleseed" series, "The Promethean Challenge," written, & illustrated by the legendary Masamune Shirow, the advert was featured in the sci-fi/girls with guns manga series "Dirty Pair II" (1989-1990). Studio Proteus/Eclipse International.

Sources: www.zipcomic.com/dirty-pair-ii-issue-5 (all found on Zip Comic).

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evilhorse · 4 months ago

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Dragon Chiang house ad (circa July 1991)

#dragon chiang #timothy truman #tim bradstreet #house ads #eclipse comics #comics #90s comics

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averagewriter-inthedark · 3 months ago

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The Doctor's Sister 🩶 | Charlie Swan Imagine

Takes place during Twilight: Eclipse & Breaking Dawn P.1

Twilight Masterlist

Characters & Pairings: Charlie Swan x female!vampire!reader (romantic), Bella Swan x Edward Cullen, Edward Cullen x reader (platonic), Bella Swan x reader (platonic)

Content warnings: fluff, flirtatious banter, slight canon divergence | female reader (she/her) | wc: 2.9k

requested 📥 yes/no

Premise: It was supposed to be a quick trip in-n-out of the house to pack for her weekend excursion at the Cullen residence, but when Bella gets sidetracked talking to her dad, it results in Charlie being introduced to a member of the Cullen family who's a sight for sore eyes and a silver tongue.

----------------------------

“Give me five minutes,” Bella climbed the steps of her home, shooting a glance to the person over her shoulder, “I need to grab a few things and let my dad know I’m not being kidnapped…or skipping town again.” Without waiting for their reply, Bella entered the house and shouted for Charlie.

“In here!” he called from the kitchen, Bella walking in to find him seated at the table, newspaper in hand as he ate lunch. Out of uniform as it happened to be the rare occasion he got the day off.

“I’m staying over at the Cullens this weekend,” she announced, then quickly added at his taken aback expression, “if that’s alright with you. Alice wants to have a sleepover while the rest of her family is camping.”

Shrugging, not really putting up a fight, Charlie replies, “That’s fine. Is it just you two?” Bella nods, making him hum and visibly pleased. “Cool. Just check in once a day for your old man’s sake.”

“Of course,” with a tight smile, Bella turns on her heel and rushes up the stairs. Packing her Jansport and a duffle bag with clothes, her homework, and toiletries to last till Sunday. Lastly grabbing her journal and copy of Wuthering Heights on her way out.

Setting her bags by the door, she goes back to the kitchen, seeing Charlie’s back to her as he washes the dishes in the sink. “You gonna be okay while I’m gone?”

“Bella, I'm a grown man and know how to take care of myself. Go, have fun with your friend.”

She bites her lip, shuffling on her feet, “Are you sure you’re fine with me staying over there?”

“You said it’s just you and Alice, I see no reason to think otherwise,” drying his hands with a towel, he turns to face her, slightly shrugging, “she’s a nice girl and--.”

“You like her more than Edward,” She finishes his sentence with a defeated sigh. She’ll never change his mind. And nothing Edward could do will win him Charlie’s favor. It was a losing battle they were fighting.

Walking up to the counter, Bella leaned her back against the surface while keeping her attention on her dad. “I know, I just thought…after what happened last fall…”

“Please, don’t remind me, Bella.”

She flushed again, “I’m sorry. And I know it doesn’t make up for what I did or what part the Cullens’ played in it…but they’re my friends. And Edward is a part of my life, Dad. I’d like for you to find some forgiveness if you can.”

Charlie simply shakes his head, not really believing his next words but saying them for her sake, “You forgave them. I’ll try to. I may not know the whole story but I trust you--well I trust your judgment,” he corrects, narrowing his brows resulting in heat to reach Bella’s cheeks. Reminded of her impulsive trip to Italy.

Which he doesn’t even know the whole story about. Best he didn’t. Some secrets were worth keeping

Speaking of secrets. Bella completely forgot about the person waiting for her outside. Who took it upon herself to interrupt the conversation between father and daughter once her patience began to run thin.

“Bella,” The human swore her heart stopped, snapping her head to the entrance of the kitchen to find the source of the voice leaning against the doorframe with a mischievous smirk. Obvious delight in her eyes which were obscured by the tinted round sunglasses she wore. Charlie, also surprised by the sudden interruption--of a stranger no less in his house, spun around with wide eyes, immediately becoming flustered. “You didn’t say your father was so handsome.”

The sound Charlie choked on caused the woman’s smirk to widen. Bella shooting a, ‘what the hell?’ look, before saying, “I told you I’d be right out.”

“You said five minutes,” barely glancing at her watch, her tone shifted to mock annoyance. “It’s been six. Now, aren’t you going to introduce me? It’s been so long since this town has had anyone that’s a sight for sore eyes.”

Rolling her eyes, Bella waved a hand and turned to Charlie with apologetic eyes, who was perplexed, flushed by her flirtation, and awaiting an explanation. “Dad, this is Y/n Cullen. Carlisle’s sister.”

“Sister?” he finally found his voice, shocked by the revelation, yet somehow gathered himself to shake her gloved hand when she presented it. Having not realized she’d pushed off the doorframe and approached the two. “I didn’t know the doctor had a sister.”

“Oh,” she removed her sunglasses, revealing golden eyes. The same stunning color of her family. “Forgive my little brother.” Little was really pushing it. Carlisle had over 200 years on Y/n, but she was physically older having been transformed in her early to mid 30s. “We haven’t seen each other in years. Plus he’s too busy saving lives and raising children. I wouldn’t put it past the small detail being omitted, not to mention I’m rarely in the country to check in.”

Charlie, a little unsettled by her nonchalant way of saying the two were estranged, says, “What brings you back to town? Bella mentioned the Cullens were going camping.”

‘Oh you know, just preparing to fight against an army of newborn vampires to repay a debt owed to my dear brother and nephew after they killed my former lover who tried to kill me.’

“Yes, we leave this afternoon for the mountains,” Y/n smiles, still thinking about what awaits them in the days to come. “I’m not one for camping, but it’ll be nice to spend some time with my brother and the family after so many years abroad. And to answer your question, I came back home for Edward, Alice and Jasper’s graduation.”

“Y/n arrived last month and will be staying for a few weeks.” Bella interjected, trying to hide the stress in her voice. “But we met last summer.” The woman smirked, bringing a finger to her lips as the memory of their first meeting flashed in her mind. Where Y/n mistaken Bella for a stray human and Edward had to tackle her away, leaving poor Bella partially traumatized. Ever since then the two have developed a sisterly/aunt-niece relationship.

“Total misunderstanding,” Y/n waved a hand, winking at the man and ignoring the warning look she was receiving from Bella. “I had one too many that night and may have said or done some things I’m not proud of. Especially for a first meeting. But Bella here is an angel, and luckily there were no hard feelings. Am I right?” Bella just sent a thumbs up, willing the conversation to end and save her father from Y/n’s antics.

“Well we’re gonna go,” Bella leans to give Charlie a kiss on the cheek, gesturing for Y/n to start walking to the door. “Don’t want to keep Alice waiting before she decides to hunt us down.”

Y/n, humored by the girl and loving the way she and her father get easily flustered, goes, “Oh alright. Charlie, it was a pleasure to meet you,” while not hiding the way her eyes flicker up and down his body. Lips curling, liking what she saw.

Shaking her hand once more, this time longer and the touch lingering as they let go, Charlie smiles, “You as well, Y/n.”

“While I’m in town I could use a tour guide. It’s been ages as I’ve said since I’ve been in Forks and would love to know what all the hot spots are. As the chief of police,” her white teeth flash, nearly blinding the humans by their brightness, “care to show a lady around town?”

Desperately trying to not become red as a tomato, Charlie holds himself together and accepts the offer, “I’d be honored to.”

It’d been years since he caught the attention of a woman. The last date he went on was probably before Bella moved in. Or longer than that with how busy work had been. Now here he was with the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen, in his kitchen, chatting him up and not afraid to show her attraction.

“Wonderful,” Y/n mentally laughs at the exasperated reaction by Bella. Focusing on the handsome man in front of her. “I’ll be in touch.” Sending one last wink, Y/n turns on her heel and exits the kitchen. Bella follows her out, but not before giving one last apologetic glance to her father and grabs her bags as the two leave the house.

“Did you really have to do that?”

“What?” Y/n laughs/scoffs, moving to the driver’s side of her classic Ford Mustang. Bella putting her bags in the front seat while tsking. “Can’t a lady flirt and have some fun without being judged for once in her life.”

“I don’t care who you flirt with, Y/n. I’m not like Carlisle or Edward,” Bella buckles in, hearing the roar of the engine fill her ears. Letting her hands fall to her lap, she turns to the vampire with pleading eyes. “But he’s my dad. And he doesn’t know about anything. So please don’t mess with him--especially when you’re leaving once this is all over.”

“Relax,” Y/n places her sunglasses back on the bridge of her nose, leaning against the smooth leather of the seat. “I’m not going to get tangled with your father. He seems like a good guy. But I’m not kidding when I say he’s a sight for sore eyes.” Bella groans, igniting a laugh from the vampire. “Listen I’ve been around the world and this town takes the cake for the blandest looking men I’ve ever seen. The women are gorgeous and can do way better than what they’re given. But damn,” a low whistle leaves her lips.

Bella groans again, rubbing her temple, “Okay I get it. You think my dad is attractive. Now can we please go?”

With one last obnoxious laugh, Y/n steps on the gas and drives them away from the house. Blasting Price’s ‘Let’s Go Crazy,’ for all ears to hear. To which Y/n casually drops that she partied with Prince back in the 80s. And while Bella tried to assure herself Y/n would adhere to her promise not to mess with Charlie, she couldn’t help but think of the way her father lit up during that short encounter. Like he was mesmerized.

Something she hadn’t seen from him in years.

August 13th

The reception was in full swing. Bella held tight to Edward’s hand as he led them around to greet the guests. Alice had really gone all out on the perfect ceremony followed by the perfect party. Of course she had help from Rosalie and Y/n, who ended up staying after the newborn army ordeal once Edward and Bella announced their engagement. A decision which surprised everyone, but Carlisle the most.

And Bella had a tiny inkling the reason involved the person she was approaching the couple with.

“Well I gotta say,” Charlie began, beer in one hand and the other holding Y/n’s. Both wearing matching smiles. “Alice sure knows how to throw a party.” Edward chuckled, pulling Bella closer to him as he wrapped an arm around her shoulder.

“I agree.”

“That’s the last time I’ll ever put my two cents in when it comes to planning an event,” Y/n comments, leaning into Charlie’s side. Her purple satin dress complimenting his dapper tuxedo. “Felt like I was going to lose my mind.”

“Thank you, Y/n, for everything. I know going head-to-head with Alice is a tough battle,” Bella teases, causing the woman to playfully gasp and the two men grinning. The sight of her father looking happy brought a smile to Bella’s lips, beaming at the way he looked ten years younger. All the usual stress and tiredness in his features disappearing.

After the battle in June, Charlie held his promise to show Y/n around town. Then the meetings continued. And when Y/n planned to leave Forks, her debt to the family paid, she suddenly announced she was renting a small home on the outskirts of town, leaving the number to a landline phone she installed.

“Carlisle, I love you. And I love this family like they are my blood one,” she said to him on her way out of the Cullen home, the older vampire following her with a million questions. “But I'd rather get my head ripped off by Aro than live under the same roof as you and your heathens you call teenagers. Trouble seems to follow you lot, and I do not wish the same for me. So,” patting his cheek like a sister would a brother, Y/n blows a kiss and scurries off, “call me if you need or drop by…but I can’t assure I’ll be of service.”

Yeah, it wasn’t long before they found out from Alice’s visions Y/n was seeing Charlie Swan. Not to mention Bella came home to Y/n’s Mustang in their driveway. Where she walked in to find Y/n pretending to enjoy a cup of coffee while she and Charlie discussed Italian history.

Two months later, the two have officially entered a relationship. Bella was initially reluctant to accept it, but upon seeing their interactions, and the obvious affection they shared, she knew it would be wrong to come in between their happiness.

And it would also make her a hypocrite if we’re being real.

“Is it like us?” she asked Edward one night, cuddling him in her bed while Charlie sleeps down the hall. “In Italy, Aro said my blood sings to you. Does his sing to her?” She felt him shake his head.

“What we have is rare. Most vampires never meet their blood singer--and in some cases become so overwhelmed by the scent they end up killing them.” Bella shivers, recalling the time Edward told the story of Emmett killing his blood singer. “But the feelings my aunt shares toward your dad is like the rest of my family. What Carlisle felt when he met Esme. Why Rosalie begged him to change Emmett when she found him. Why Alice waited decades at the restaurant for Jasper.”

She understood where he was going. Realizing the extent of Y/n’s fondness for Charlie. The sparks that collided in their first meeting and continued with each encounter.

But Bella made Y/n swear to her she’d come clean to Charlie before the year was over. Figuring out the next step though….that was a conversation for another day.

“Well we wanted to offer our congratulations,” Charlie’s voice pulled Bella out of her thoughts, bringing her back to the present. “We know a lot of people wish to do the same, so we won’t hold you up.”

“Thank you, dad,” Bella let go of her husband to embrace her father, moving to Y/n to do the same while Edward shook Charlie’s hand. “And thank you, Y/n.”

“Of course. It’s not every day your favorite nephew gets married.”

“Don’t let Emmett hear that,” Edward jokes, smirking when he hears his brother’s thought from across the dance floor, ‘I heard that!!’

At that moment the beat of TLC’s ‘Baby-Baby-Baby’ starts to play, prompting Y/n to tug on Charlie’s hand. “Now this is my song. C’mon doll face, let’s show them how it’s done.” Flushing red, Charlie downs the rest of his beer, handing the empty glass to Edward--who winks at him while Bella holds back a giggle, and follows his girlfriend to the dance floor. Joining Carlisle and Esme, and Billy and Sue.

“You know,” Edward leans down to whisper, grinning as he takes in the scene of his aunt and Bella’s father dancing. “I would’ve never guessed your dad would be the one to ground the infamous Y/n Cullen.”

“Baby, baby, baby

I got so much love in me

Oh baby, baby

Baby, baby, baby

'Cause if you gonna get me off

You got to love me deep”

Tilting her head back with laughter, Bella nuzzles into his touch, admiring the scene as well when she brings her gaze down again. “I never thought I’d see the day Charlie Swan gets sweeped off his feet. By the Doctor’s sister nonetheless.”

“Baby, baby, baby

I got so much love in me

Oh baby, baby

Baby, baby, baby

'Cause if you gonna get me off

You got to love me deep”

Chuckling, Edward leans his head on hers, “They make a good pair. Don’t they?”

She agrees with a hum, “They do.” Bella adjusts their position, so they are now facing each other on the dance floor, swaying to TLC like everyone else. Mouthing along to the words and at one point meeting Y/n’s eyes. The two share a wholesome look, igniting a loving wink from the vampire to the human girl's nod of respect.

“I can have any man that I want to

Time and place that I choose to

But I think you know that I would rather be here with you, yeah.”

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