#Ea-nasir

[holodrome]

This guy is great, great wife and family. Best businessman I ever met, besides myself. We'll sell the Europeans ridiculously bad copper and make them pay for it.

[todays-xkcd]

When an Ur guy / sells Nanni things / but the copper's bad, / He simply records his complaint for all time / "I got a bad deal / I'm maaaaad"

My Favorite Things [Explained]

[trans-seraphim]

dj-nasir got the whole club complaining about his selection of metal

[emporium]

Down a Rabbit Hole I Went

I screwed up. I didn't think that using an ancient language on a piece of tumblr merch was necessary but I forgot what site I was on :) . This is tumblr, of course it has to be in linguistically accurate cuneiform. I went and hired an expert on Ancient Semitic Languages and Cultures. There aren't as many as you'd think that are willing to translate text for an internet gag so I'm so happy I found Paul.

Notes on the translation from the translator:

I used the ventive suffix on the imperative "give (rib+am)" which is a special feature of Akkadian that indicates the motion of direction. It makes it a little bit more authentic. The longer version actually includes the words "to me (ana iasim)", but a typical Akkadian speaker probably wouldn't have needed to say that.

Also, for the word "money" I used the Sumerian (KUG.BABBAR) instead of spelling out the Akkadian, because that was a common feature in Akkadian scribal writing. For the font I was happily surprised that Google has a Cuneiform font, so not only is it correct but it looks pretty neat too. Right now you can buy both versions in the shop but cuneiform version won't ship for a week or so as I have to order new stock with the new design.

[cin-cant-donate-blood]

Ever wanted to know how to pronounce the name of our favorite Ur copper merchant, Ea-nāṣir? If you haven't looked it up, I can almost guarantee that you are saying it wrong, but fret not. I will share the secret with you (or at least the buest guess modern experts have).

The reconstruction of how to pronounce his name currently looks like this in the IPA:

[e.a.ˈnaː.t͡sʼiʁ]

If that looks daunting, keep reading.

While Ea-nāṣir may be remembered to us as a Sumerian, he did not speak Sumerian. The Sumerian language was all but extinct in his day, and Sumerians now spoke an unrelated language called Akkadian.

The infamous complaint tablets are written in Akkadian Cuneiform, which is a complicated writing system that it is difficult to figure out the pronunciation of after the fact. Pronunciations have shifted considerably during the time that modern people have studied it. All the same, we have a "buest guess" at pronunciation.

The first thing to note is that Akkadian has phonemic vowel quantity, which is a fancy way if saying that the length of a vowel is really important. Ea-nāṣir's name has four vowels, and three are short and one is long. The long one is the A with a bar on top (called a macron, pronounced MACK-ron or MAKE-ron). If you see that symbol in other languages it is probably also a long vowel (you'll see this in Arabic, Latin, and many other languages).

This also tells us where to stress the word. While Akkadian has somewhat complicated rules for stress, Ea-nāṣir's case is simple: stress the syllable with the long vowel.

The vowels themselves are the vowels you would find in Spanish, Japanese or Swahili: the E is closest to the English vowel in dress, the As are between trap and palm, just like Spanish gato, and the I is somewhere around sheep or fear.

So far, intuitively, you're probably pronouncing it something like "e-a-NAW-sir", which is getting closer to the accurate idea, but we haven't looked at the consonants yet, and unfortunately they are the hardest parts (for an English speaker).

The N is just a regular N. This isn't too surprising since N is one of the single most common sounds across all spoken languages (perhaps only beaten by M).

The R, while contested among scholars, seems to be leaning towards a "back R" or "guttural R", the way French people and some Germans do it.

That leaves the ṣ. Oh boy. It is, first of all, an affricate, like the Z in pizza. "e-a-NAAT-sir" would as such be a good try. It is, however, also something called an ejective, which is a notoriously tricky type of consonant where you block the airflow while saying it, only to release it immediately after.

You know the T-dropping that some brits do, or the way you rapidly close off air flow at the back of your throat when saying ah-ah-ah (and perhaps wagging your finger)? Try putting an air release like that right after the ts sound. If the closest you get is "e-a-NAT-suh-ir" then you are already doing a good job.

If you are a perfectionist, here is an old youtube video of a person making the noise, with decent audio.

And that's it, really. That is a complete breakdown of the best guess we have at how Ea-nāṣir's name would have been pronounced.

[eduards-stuff]

THE DESCENDANTS OF EA-NASIR STRIKES AGAIN!!

[a-real-horse]

Boosting for my good friend Nanni. Just because a complaint is 3,372 years old doesn't mean it's no longer deserving of your attention. Ea-nāṣir cannot keep getting away with this.

[wakewithgiggli]

[copperbadge]

Here it is, in the...clay, one of Ea-Nasir's infamous complaint letters. It's small but you can definitely read the rage in the upward drift of the letters and the wall-to-wall text. No margins in cuneiform!

It's nigh impossible to get a good photo of it with the tag, because a) it's behind super reflective glass, b) it's next to the Royal Game of Ur which all the tours stop at so just getting to it is a feat, and c) there's a really grumpy security guard like. Right There. This is the best one I had and it was an accident, but that said I kind of like the composition.

Civilizations may rise and fall, but shitty copper fraud is eternal.

In case you missed it, the tag is from @liminal-craft's Etsy shop; they're on back order at the moment but I hear more are coming. Sure, if you believe a business partner of that scurrilous copper merchant...

[ID: Two images; top is an image of an oblong cuneiform tablet about the size of a smartphone, captioned "Complaint about delivery of the wrong grade of copper" and dated to roughly 1750 BC, the Old Babylonian Period, from Ur. Second image is the same cuneiform tablet, but hanging in front of it, off to one side, is a blurry keychain; it looks like an old hotel keytag, in a shiny copper finish, and reads "Ea-Nasir's QUALITY COPPER" with decorative fan designs and a line of cuneiform text.]

[emptyheadgamer]

So I have reason to believe the xkcd guy may be one of us.

Source: https://xkcd.com/2758/

[prokopetz]

"Vagueposting Ea-nasir" like, I'm pretty sure in order for it to be vagueposting it's gotta be at least a little bit ambiguous who you're talking about. How many Sumerian copper merchants do you know?

[fearthevest]

[catpriciousmarjara]

"....and here we have the image of the Terran deity of truth, Eycha-Bomba-ur-Guy, not be confused with the deity Bomb-ur, the god of abundance from the ancient Tolki-eena religion, which predates the Utubar religion entirely. Archeological excavations of the primitive holo-relics of Terra dates the Utubar religion to the two kingdoms period of the Amaz-U-na, and App-le-ple empires, in the Memetiscan era.

As stated before Eycha-Bomba-ur-Guy is a deity of truth and religious texts proclaim that he emerges whenever the principles of truth are violated. The legends we have been able to uncover from the ruins of Terra talks of a well where he is supposed to reside in and that every terran year he appears unexpectedly in order to shame the liars seeking fortune in the Holos of the kingdom of Utuba in a ruthless public sermon.

(Unfortunately we have not been able to uncover physical evidence of the kingdom as of now. Much of the information we have on the Utuba come from the Utuba Com-men-tits, the famous historical document that confirmed the theory that the Utuba people, consisting of the mortal Viu-wah, the priestly Saab-scriba, and godly Cree-atar, recorded history collectively.)

In his endeavor to champion truth Eycha-Bomba-ur-Guy is confronted by many adversaries and we can see how these battles play out in the religious iconography of the period. One of his many opponents is Tomm-y-Tallaar-ico, a rather comical figure who relentlessly takes credit for the achievements of others' and boasts about it throughout Terra. Some scholars believe him to be a fictional figure created to warn children to stay away from lying and boasting, especially because the Utuba Com-men-tits records one of the claims made by the minor deity as his mother being proud of him, which by the very nature of the deity is implied to be a false claim.

(Parental figures and their approval seems to be very important to the Terrans. Scholars have found multiple worshipful holos with terms such as Daddy, Zaddy, Mother, Mommy, and Muscle Mommy as evidence to this theory. Deviant behaviour seems to be referred to as 'Fatherless' behaviour. 'Yo Mamma' statements seem to be considered a damning insult. In addition, the ritualistic chant "Excuse me? Sorry. Mommy? Sorry. Mommy? Sorry", which is believed to be the only surviving part of the the lost Litany for Forgiveness, the pair to the Litany against Fear from the Epic of the Dune, validates the theory that Terrans craved parental approval.)

Much more sinister than the Tomm-y-Tallaar-ico is the Jayme-som-Erton, a figure that only talks in the voice of others. A negative deity presiding over plagiarism, Jayme-som-Erton pretends be your ally while making profit off of your work. After Eycha-Bomba-ur-Guy defeated him in a lengthy duel the Utuba Com-men-tits faithfully records that Jayme-som-Erton's own voice can only speak lies and to be wary of the others among the Cree-ator class that use his tricks to prosper in Utuba.

Eycha-Bomba-ur-Guy's legendary victory over Jayme-som-Erton was followed by the complete erasure of the Cree-ator's presence in the Utuba kingdom's religion beyond being used as a cautionary tale. This presents another aspect of Terran religion, called Can-cellat-Ion, a ritualistic deicide of the gods that have wronged them. Undoubtedly this is an evidence of the might of the ancient Terrans. Several pieces of historical evidence from the records known as Twee-et-er (theorized to be named after a blue avian like figure who many believe might be related to the legendary heroes Twee-dle-dee, and Twee-dle-dum) refer to multiple conflicts called the War of the Fans which lead to the Can-cellat-Ion being performed. Ancient Terrans were indeed a fearsome species. (To be noted that some deities do recover while others do not. Criteria for survival unknown.)

In the coming chapters, we'll look into more deities from Terra's various pantheons, such as the eternal enmity between the Goddess Doll-y-Par-tonn and her nemesis Jol-e-Ne. The deity Trish-a-Payt-As, whose children are harbingers for the death of malignant royals is also important to look into. The deity seems to have had hostility towards the Brie-ti-ish royals specifically as legends say they were hit twice by the deity's wrath. Also of particular interest are Ea-Nasir, a deity of trickery and mischief, and ancient literature such as the Gonch-ar-Ov, a lost epic saga whose holo-copy researchers are still trying to uncover today. Both of these are a part of the Tumb-L-Er mystery religion, whose intricate rites and rituals still remain too complex to decode...."

-Excerpt from Chapter 9, "Deities from the Holo", from Scholar Jaarp-r-Saar's The Complexities of Terran Religions.

[emporium]

Behind the Meme: Complaint Tablet to Ea-nasir

In 1953, explorer Sir Leonard Woolley discovered and acquired the tablet from what is believed to be the ruins of Ea-nasir's home while on an expedition to the city of Ur. Several other similar tablets complaining about poor copper quality were also recovered, suggesting Ea-nasir frequently sent his customers poor-quality goods. The tablet is currently held at the British Museum.

A few of the most viral Tumblr posts about this meme: https://probablybadrpgideas.tumblr.com/post/171826102481/your-players-are-faced-with-an-ancient-sumerian https://brightwanderer.tumblr.com/post/645195882465230848/ea-nasir-is-that-you

Translation of the tablet:

Tell Ea-nasir: Nanni sends the following message:

When you came, you said to me as follows : "I will give Gimil-Sin (when he comes) fine quality copper ingots." You left then but you did not do what you promised me. You put ingots which were not good before my messenger (Sit-Sin) and said: "If you want to take them, take them; if you do not want to take them, go away!"

What do you take me for, that you treat somebody like me with such contempt? I have sent as messengers gentlemen like ourselves to collect the bag with my money (deposited with you) but you have treated me with contempt by sending them back to me empty-handed several times, and that through enemy territory. Is there anyone among the merchants who trade with Telmun who has treated me in this way? You alone treat my messenger with contempt! On account of that one (trifling) mina of silver which I owe(?) you, you feel free to speak in such a way, while I have given to the palace on your behalf 1,080 pounds of copper, and umi-abum has likewise given 1,080 pounds of copper, apart from what we both have had written on a sealed tablet to be kept in the temple of Samas.

How have you treated me for that copper? You have withheld my money bag from me in enemy territory; it is now up to you to restore (my money) to me in full.

Take cognizance that (from now on) I will not accept here any copper from you that is not of fine quality. I shall (from now on) select and take the ingots individually in my own yard, and I shall exercise against you my right of rejection because you have treated me with contempt.

Source: https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/complaint-tablet-to-ea-nasir

[theabstruseone]

[birdenjoyer]

A time traveller arrived in Sumeria.

"Am I talking to Ea-Nasir?" She asked.

"Yes," he replied. "Would you like to by some of my finest grade-"

"I'm not here for that," she interjected. "I'm here to tell you that I'm from the future. Four thousand years at least. Your whole civilisation is vague and hazy to us. We barely know your gods. We barely even know how to read your writing. Technology you would see as magical is ancient to us."

Ea-Nasir instantly believed her. She was dressed in clothing so fine not even their best looms could make it, she had a bag on her back he couldn't trace the material of, not to mention the fact that this was far beyond even a madman's imagination. 

"Why- Why are you telling me this?" He quavered.

"Because despite the lack of knowledge we have about your people, two names are still well known. The poet and priestess, Enheduanna, and you, the copper salesman."

"Me?" He breathed. "Why? How?"

"A complaint and warning about your copper's quality survived the sands of time. It had your name on it. It mentioned what you did. In my day, people say your name and joke about you. Not in hatred, but in a kind of respect and love. That is so much more than you could say about some of the highest kings you can think of. You, Ea-Nasir, went down in history."

He was lost for words, but eventually something burst out.

"SOMEONE COMPLAINED ABOUT MY COPPER?"