#EXISTS WITHIN THE FALSE SELF

[yoinkious]

I'm appalled. they crushed that fucking baby appalled im now realizing this is more gorey than I anticipated. tw

[ko-existing]

did the world disappear when you realized yourself? like did you have to rebuild the world entirely from scratch?

False idea—

When you realize "SELF", it's not that the "world" disappears or needs to be rebuilt. "The world" as you once thought you knew it—a separate, external thing—was just an idea within "SELF". "The world" only appears to exists because you are "aware" of it. But when you realize "SELF", you recognize that what you truly are is "SELF" itself, nameless, and that "SELF" doesn’t depend on the world.

What you call "the world" depends on "SELF".

Think of it like this: when you wake up from a dream, you don’t need to rebuild the dream world—the idea that it is Actuality simply vanishes because it was only an idea of the appearing mind. Similarly, when you realize "SELF", you don’t need to rebuild anything.

You simply understand that "the world" arises within "SELF", but "SELF" itself is whole and complete, whether or not the "world" appears within it. Nothing needs fixing because nothing was broken—only misunderstood.

[eamour]

persistence, repetition and more.

one common misconception that people believe in is that persistence equals repetition. this, however, isn’t true! persistence must not be confused with repetition, but rather persistent acceptance.

persistence.

to persist simply means to continue to "do" something despite difficulty, opposition or, how we would call it, circumstances. what you "do" is keep assuming a new reality for yourself and accepting it to be true no matter what. persistence, or in other words consistence, doesn’t mean repetition. it means ACCEPTANCE.

the purpose of persistence.

persisting doesn’t mean to think about your desire all the time, nor does it mean affirming a certain statement 24/7. you don't have to think of all the things you have manifested (consciously or subconsciously) for them to remain in your reality. they do not cease to exist just because you don't actively acknowledge them. so, why would you force yourself to think of something for it to materialise in your reality?

repetition.

repetition itself or doing a method repeatedly isn’t what manifests. a method cannot manifest, no matter how many times you do it. a method holds no power on its own. you, on the other hand, very much do. you allow a method to be useful and beneficial for you.

the purpose of repetition.

mindlessly repeating affirmations, scripting the same scene a couple of times or just generally doing one method over and over again won’t help you manifest your desire IF you don’t change SELF. if you don’t shift your state of being through methods, if it doesn’t help you believe in a new concept of self, if it doesn’t make you accept your desire as a present fact, then you can do the method as many times as you please — you will remain the same. a method's purpose in combination with how many times you practice it, is to help you ACCEPT.

remembrance.

you will naturally think of your desire. it will naturally pop up in your mind from time to time — especially if it's something you genuinely desire. the more you desire it, the more you will think of it, the more you will naturally remember it.

the purpose of remembrance.

when you think of your desire, when you are reminded of it, you tell yourself that you already have or are it. you go from thinking OF your desire to thinking FROM it. you fulfill yourself by giving your desire to yourself then and there and move on with your day. you don't need to continuously remind yourself of it but continue to persist in your ASSUMPTION. as long as you don't go back and change your mind (wavering), it's all good!

acceptance.

to accept something means to believe or know something to be true, correct or valid. it's a feeling. a feeling that makes you feel if something is real or unreal. our general understanding of feeling is equivalent to accepting, as well as knowing, believing or assuming. they all refer to the same. you accept something to either be true or false, therefore you FEEL it to be so. all of this takes place in imagination. to accept also means to imagine. it means to think.

the purpose of acceptance.

through acceptance, we can change self. acceptance enables us to believe new, desired conceptions about ourselves to be true. through acceptance, you can accept new convictions of self and reality.

whenever you feel desire, try to accept it. accept it as yours. accept it in its fullness. accept it entirely and completely. focus on the state of having your desire. embody your desire, identify with it. become the version of self who has or is your desired thing. know your assumption to be true. fulfill and satisfy self from within. experience the ACCEPTANCE of the wish fulfilled.

with love, ella.

[multidimensionalguidance]

The Martian Women: A Warrior's Heart

Now more than ever we see questioned the humanity and dignity of women who do not fit the stereotype of what they are supposed to be, look, sound, or act like. Such cases like Imane Khelif are heartbreaking to witness, specially considering the way these false allegations overshadow the efforts and hard work behind her skills, even more so now as an Olympian.

Imane has her Moon and Mars in Sidereal Scorpio, and the themes of others trying to take control of the narrative of her life and existence is ridiculous and overwhelming. On top of it, her Mercury and Jupiter are both in Aries. She is a huge embodiment of how the Martian experience tends to play out.

They are the individuals who deal with the consequences of being "too much" simply by not being afraid of voicing their opinions, of their appearance, or any other aspect regardless of how conflictive it might be. They have and endless source of power to pursuit their passions, and they often achieve as long as they their ego on check.

Childhood years consisted of a push and pull between not being enough of any of the polarities. Often, attracting unwanted attention and different degrees of aggressive/hostile behaviors (spoken, actions, etc). They learn to project outwardly the results of withstanding all of those experiences, and paradoxically are blamed for having a natural hostile response to a hostile environment or actions.

After being forced to repress their hurt, anger, and valid emotions they learn to channel it towards a goal because their nature (Aries and Scorpio) is to plan, analyze, execute, and repeat all over again. They are the Valkyries, Amazonians, etc who learn collectively how to fend for themselves in all aspects outside of patriarchal laws or standards.

From a historic and folklore perspective, Valkyries were associated and often accompanied by ravens or horses which matches perfectly the nature of Ashwini (horses) and Bharani (crows are similar to ravens) which are both in Aries. These mythical warriors guided souls to their depiction of heaven, and Krittika is ruled by the Sun + has a priestly caste. On different levels of humanity we've always had women who take their necessary place with violent, aggressive, and chaotic driven actions as much as men, yet its forced to suppression the most.

In terms of contemporary entertainment, many other concepts of female warrior or heroic/strong/independent female characters from all eras have Martian placements. This is not to say that Mars is the only representation for these arechetypes, but in terms of characters who have a really grim and/or dark past, it fits very well. Other planets (Sun, Moon, Venus, Jupiter) also have their own depiction of cunning female led roles but their background, characteristic, etc are all different. I will expand with other planets on a different post.

Brigitte Nielsen who was the main character in Red Sonja has her Moon in Aries (Ashwini).

Uma Thurman has her Sun in Aries (Bharani).

Summer Glau from the Firefly series and its continuation movie Serenity has her Moon in Aries (Ashwini).

Saoirse Ronan has her Moon and Venus in Aries (Bharani).

Gal Gadot as Wonder Women has her Sun in Aries (Bharani)

Lucy Liu (Sun in Scorpio (Anuradha/Jyestha) and Moon in Aries (Bharani), Cameron Diaz (Moon in Aries, within Krittika) from Charlie's Angels.

Scarlett Johansson as Black Widow has her Sun in Scorpio (Anuradha)

Peta Wilson in La Femme Nikita with Sun in Scorpio (Vishakha)

They function perfectly well alone and also within a group as as long as there is mutual respect. Society doesn't seem to know yet how to properly behave and treat individuals like them. Martian handle themselves in such a raw and powerful form that those who have weak morals, will power, inner strength, courage, or self expression regardless of gender might feel as if they are being personally attacked.

Now, it is good to keep in mind the distinction between deliberate attack or self defense. Due to previous trauma related with heavy power struggles they can easily feel wounded, and will could show an exaggerated or uncontrolled form of aggression.

It could also simply be intentional because both signs (Aries & Scorpio) tend to become more resentful or comfortable using violence if they understand is fair or justified. They LOVE "female rage". Every film, piece of literature, song, or form of art related to anger, disconformity, sadness, rage, wickedness, and other chaotic expressions connect with their suppressed darkness.

It allows them to fantasize of a world where women are able to demonstrate their anger freely without judgement, specially when justified and valid. They understand other women beyond the nature of their caged self under patriarchal standards, but the downside is that others do not connect easily with them.

This is why despite being the real underdogs of many empowering movements they are often lonely, alienated, punished, and treated poorly. It’s the most noticeable with Scorpio rashi, specifically Jyestha where they naturally attract envy, jealousy, and ill wishes the most. They are the ruthless Scorpios who don't really care about turning off their moral compass if it means achieving their goals. They are often only loyal to their vision and those who fit in it.

It is essential for Martian women to maintain a healthy management of their anger and learn how to release it in meaningful ways. Any type of exercise (gym, cardio, pilates, yoga, etc) or sports can become one of the most common channels to fuel their bodies and release heavy emotional overloads. Staying in touch with their root and sacral points by doing activities that promote you to feel safe, nurtured, grounded, creative, sensual, etc will also be optimal.

Protect your energy in all forms, and stay away from individuals who constantly trigger your fight or flight. The ones who make you feel constantly drained and tired. It can be easy for others to syphon your energy because you always have an abundant amount, so be mindful of the people you entertain, engage, and interact with frequently.

Ensure to maintain a good balance between mind and heart as well. Allow yourself to be vulnerable with others. Prioritize feeling safe and comfortable around others. Learning to control your impulses if you're an Aries, or letting go of control if you're a Scorpio. Protect yourself, but don't shut down completely.

[nakedbibi333]

Thinking Fourth Dimensionally - Neville Goddard

“The condition which I desired and assumed that I had, becomes  objectified within my world and bears witness to the power of my assumption.”

Summary: think outside the boundaries of the 3D world. Think beyond the things that have happened in the physical world, what could happen, what's possible. Think outside of reason, the rules of the world, think outside of logic. Allow your desires to be impossible, magical, and instant. Allow yourself to be free from the constrictions of what life has taught you it is.

Concepts Discussed: The Inner world, Self-Concept, The 4D, Instant manifestation, The Carnal Mind: The conscious mind, The Mind of Christ: The subconscious mind, The sabbath, and The importance of your inner world (mental diet).

The conscious mind is strapped by reason and the 3D world.

It can only experience the present moment as reality

Because it is physically in front of you and you can experience it, it feels more real than anything else (but it isn't).

The past only feels like an illusion and the future doesn’t exist yet 

It does not think that it can access or change the past or future

The 4D is the subconscious mind.

In here, the past, present, and future are all happening at the same time, now.

Leave the 3D alone and take time to nurture the 4D, your inner world. 

When you go into your imagination and create a new reality there, you are effectively changing your state. By assuming the wish fulfilled and walking in that assumption (thinking from and acting as if), you will be persisting in that state.

“A concrete reality, displaced in time”

5th Chapter of the Gospel of Mark (3 stories)

“Be not afraid, only believe”

Fear is the absence of faith.

To be fearful is to go against your belief in the law of assumption, in your own belief in yourself.

“Are you living in the dead past?”

The past no longer exists at this moment. It is completely changeable and it has no power over you now. The only way you can give it power is by assuming that the past is immovable and unchangeable. Your own assumptions based on your past are what are holding you back.

“If you are living among the dead, your prejudices, your superstitions, and your false beliefs that you keep alive are the tombstones behind which you hide.”

When you refuse to let go of the old man, state, beliefs, and assumptions you have carried with you for so long, you refuse to change your inner reality. If you do not change your inner reality, you won't change your outer reality.

The 4D reveals a new approach to life.

Dying to the old state and resurrecting to the new state is how you change yourself.

Think outside the boundaries of the senses. 

Don't allow yourself to be stuck within the laws and rules of logic and reason.

Get rid of limitations.

Cleanse your mind of your former concept of self

“As your mind is cleansed of your former concept of self, you assume you are what you want to be, and remaining faithful to this assumption, you give form to your assumption.”

“But now having assumed that I AM what formerly I desired to be, I cannot continue desiring what I AM conscious of being. So I do not discuss it. I talk to no one concerning what I AM. It is so obvious to me that I AM what I wanted to be that I walk as though I were.”

You stay true and faithful to your assumption and then you walk through life as though you have it. THINK FROM IT.

“When you do become cleansed and you are free, then the womb, your own mind is automatically healed. It becomes the prepared ground where seeds, your desires, can take root and grow into manifestation.”

Die to your old state, feed your mind for your new state, tell no one, walk in that assumption, and persist.

“Things I am not attentive to fade and wither within my world, regardless of what they are.”

Since you created everything in your experience, you have the ability to remove your attention from them.

“They are not born and then remain unfed. I gave them birth by reason of the fact that I became conscious of being them. When I embody them within my world that is not the end. That is the beginning. Now I am a mother who must keep alive this state by being attentive to it.” 

By removing your attention from what is undesirable in your life, you are starving it. 

Things in your life are fed by attention. Remove your attention from that which you do not desire and turn your attention on that which you love.

Your attention must remain on your new state

Do not revert back, only feed your desired state.

“Close the door to your senses”

The 3D world is merely a reflection. It is not the source. It is not concrete and immovable. It is not unchangeable. The 4D world is the true source. Imagination is the source. 

So, close the door to the physical world and move only in your imagination. Grant yourself your desires, become who you desire to be, and leave reason, limitations, judgment, and other people’s opinions out of there. Here, anything is possible. Anything can happen and you can have anything you desire, no matter how unattainable it may seem. Think about it right now. In your mind, you can have all the money in the world, and you can bring anything you desire into existence. You can have anyone you want, You can be successful and loved and revered. You can love and be loved. You can be anywhere in the universe that you can possibly imagine. You can literally close your eyes and imagine yourself on the moon and it would take absolutely no effort on your part. In imagination, all things are yours and all things are possible. This is the source from which all things in the physical 3D world come from. So, if you truly allow yourself to create, to be, and to give yourself anything you desire, then your 3D world can reflect a magical world filled with all your desires fulfilled. 

“I no longer look for confirmation. I completely deny the evidence of my senses, which mock my assumption and do not discuss with others whether my assumption is possible or not.”

You don’t look for confirmation, you don’t ask anyone (even yourself) if it’s possible. It is possible because you said it’s possible. And that’s that. Be stern with yourself. Begin standing up for yourself, your desires, and your imagination. You deserve to have your 3D reflect to you exactly what you want. No less. 

“I shut out of that state everything that would deny it” = You literally ignore anything that would go against your desire. You have to be so stubborn. You have to be like a spoiled child, denying anything that does not exactly align with what you want. You don’t take no for an answer, you don’t allow it to half-manifest, and you definitely don’t allow “signs” and “small manifestations” to come. You don’t settle for anything less than you deserve, which is everything you desire, down to the smallest detail. 

Creation is man’s I AM

We were always meant to be creators.

Man’s consciousness is GOD. There is no other power out there.

Are you free of conditions?

“Do you believe now that you, without the assistance of another, need only assume that you are what you want to be, to make that assumption real within your world? Or do you believe that you must first fulfill a certain condition imposed upon you by the past, that you must be of a certain order, or a certain something?”

Ask yourself this: are you truly allowing yourself to be the sole power of your experience? Do you truly believe that you can have, be, and experience anything you desire? Do you actually think that you don't need to do anything except imagine yourself as you wish to be and it will come? Or are you still reasoning, doubting, and conditioning?

SELF-CONCEPT

“Of what are you conscious of being?”

Neville begins talking about the importance of the self-concept.

Everything you experience comes from you. Your entire world and reality is created by you. Are you ready to completely accept that everything is coming from imagination?

“Although you cannot see your objective with the limited focus of your three-dimensional mind, you are now that which you have assumed you are. Walk in that assumption and remain faithful to it.”

Even if you can’t see your desire immediately manifested in the physical world, you ARE what you have assumed. Your assumptions, beliefs, and manifestations are true and real. You continue to remain faithful to these new assumptions, this new conception of self, so that it can show itself to you in the physical world. It must be made manifest, there is no exception. If you assume something, and persist in that assumption, it MUST manifest and reflect in the outer world.

“I alone possess the power of the first person.”

I AM - only able to refer to myself. It is a first-person experience as GOD. This is your reality. Your own personal world and experience. Only you can manifest for yourself. 

“No man can get in [the pool] before you”

No one can take your manifestations from you

No one can beat you to manifesting something or someone

It’s only you

The Sabbath

“When you are not at all concerned about the opinion of others, when you walk as though you were, you cannot raise one finger to make it so, you are in the Sabbath.”

“I cannot be concerned as to how it will be, and still say I AM conscious of being it”

You are not truly in the state of having what you desire if you are still worrying about how it will come to you.

You would know that you are in the Sabbath if you are no longer questioning.

Because if you already had it, you wouldn’t be concerned about any conditions, because you already have it. If you find yourself in confusing thought patters regarding your manifestations, ask yourself this question: If you already had it, would you be thinking like this?

The Story of the Woman of Samaria

Harvest happens now, not in a period of time

Your imagination gives you fulfillment immediately

You can think of anything and it comes to mind instantly. There are no conditions, reasons, steps, there is no how. You don’t have to do anything but bring it to mind. That is manifestation. That’s all.

The well of everlasting quenched thirst

This refers to your imagination. There is no thirst or hunger in imagination because you can instantly imagine yourself fulfilled. If you are thirsty, you can imagine yourself drinking water. If you are hungry, you can imagine yourself eating anything you desire. If you desire something, you can instantly bring it about in imagination. There is no wait for harvest in imagination, only instant fulfillment.

Your subconscious mind “Sees [your desires] as now in a dimensionally larger world, existing now, taking place now.” It has ways that are outside the limitations of the 3D mind, the conscious mind that you have access to. Allow it to do what it was made for.

“Your five senses impregnate you morning, noon, and night with their limitations” 

You are constantly bombarded with the limitations, reasons, rules, and opinions in the 3D world. It takes effort to remove yourself from this cycle and allow yourself freedom from this.  They “dictate to you that which you must accept as true.”

Basically, your 3D world is trying to gaslight you into thinking that you have no power. 

The story of feeding the ducks (mental diet)

“Man is a psychological being, a thinker.”

“It is not what he feeds upon physically, but what he feeds upon mentally that he becomes. We become the embodiment of that which we mentally feed upon.”

The mental diet is extremely important. If you truly want to live a dream life, you need to create a world in your mind that is aligned with the fulfillment of your desires. Manifestation is not only about getting one thing you desire and then going back to the life you were living previously. It is about changing completely.

Notice your thought patterns, notice what you are assuming and imagining and change those things that do not align with your fulfilled desires.

Abdullah and Barbados 

Now this is the most famous Neville story there is and, unless you’re new here, you’ve heard it a thousand times. 

“You are in Barbados”

Neville was unemployed, lived in a tiny room in New York, and he wanted to go to Barbados.

Abdullah tells Neville, “As you walk through this door now you are not walking on 72nd Street, you are walking on palm lined streets, coconut lined streets; this is Barbados. Do not ask me how you are going to go. You are in Barbados. You do not say ‘how’ when ‘are there.’ You are there. Now you walk as though you were there.”

He kept repeating to Neville that he was already in Barbados, when he would complain that he had no money, “you are in Barbados” he would complain that he’s no closer to getting there “you are in Barbados” he asked how he would get there, “You are in Barbados.” That is all he would say. Because that’s all he needed. To believe he was already there. And once he did, everything aligned, and he went to Barbados. His family members begged him to come, gave him money for clothes and essentials he needed, his brother would pay for his entire trip, and then he somehow got into 1st class because somehow there had been a cancellation. He didn’t even move a finger to get all of this done for him. He didn’t even ask his brother for help. It simply happened.

“You are in Barbados, Neville. You want to be there; wherever you want to be, there you are. Live as though you are and that you shall be.” - Abdullah

“I was identified with the feeling of being there. I slept as though I were there, and the entire behavior of man was molded in harmony with my assumption.”

Identify with your fulfilled wish

“Feast on the idea [your fulfilled desire], become identified with the idea as though you were already that embodied state. Walk in the assumption that you are what you want to be. If you feast on that and remain faithful to that mental diet, you will crystallize it. You will become it in this world.”

Identify that which you desire to have in life (or who you desire to be), walk as though it is already true, assume it as your new state, and stick to your mental diet.

“Suspend judgment, refuse to accept what reason and the senses now dictate, and if you remain faithful to the new diet, you will become the embodiment of the ideal to which you remain faithful.”

You need to ignore anything that does not completely align with your fulfilled desire. 

Logic and reason do not exist in imagination. The 4D world does not follow these rules. The 3D is lying to you by telling you that you are constricted within conditions.

“To one’s imagination all things are possible.”

“The dimensionally greater self took my assumption as the command”

Your 4D self, your inner man, is only there to take commands. 

What you assume to be in your conscious mind and persist in, will be taken as a command by the 4D self and then manifested into the 3D.

Neville mentions that the only way you can genuinely believe in the law is by testing it. Don't simply listen to his lectures, read blog posts, and watch videos about the law of assumption. Actually apply the knowledge.

[drvscarlett]

About You Pt 18

Sebastian Vettel x Webber!Reader

Summary: Everyone knows about the history of Sebastian Vettel and Mark Webber. But there's a well kept story within the paddock about Sebastian Vettel and another Webber. This is that story.

A/N: and we are here, one more chapter to go. any ideas? any thoughts? I hope you enjoyed this ride because i surely do! listen to ocean and engines by niki to feel this chapter a little more. alsooooo, i'm hinting a new series with the close of this one with our favorite second lead.

About You Series

2014, Sochi Autodrom

It was the first Formula 1 race in Russia and everyone expected fanfares about it yet the reality is far different. It was rare that the whole grid was so quiet. The grid was always buzzing with reporters trying to get a scoop to photographers capturing every single interaction to fans clamoring to get signature from their favorite driver. Today, the whole paddock seems to be walking on eggshells.

Well what does everyone expect when it has just been four days since that awful tragedy in Japan. It felt like it was so wrong in many levels that the drivers are back on track when one of their own is currently fighting for his life.

The doctors told them that there is a possibility for recovery but all can only be determined when he regains consciousness. It was hard to hold on to false hope so the feeling of grief sits heavy on their shoulders.

There were drivers who are angry. Checo Perez was in a screaming match with one of the FIA officials during media day. He demanded how is it possible with all the safety precautions that has been implemented, a tragedy such as this still exist. Jenson, although a little more calmer in his tone, asked for someone to be accountable for what happened to Jules.

Some were emotional. It cannot be denied that those closest with Jules couldn't keep their tears in. Max Chilton, his teammate, was crying the minute he saw that their garage only has one car. He was so used to seeing Jules greeting him and having him on track that it felt unreal that he may never see him again. Another one struggling is Daniel, who has been Jules' bestfriend. Ever since Suzuka, his eyes were red from crying and his usual happy self was gone. It has deeply affected his race performance but he couldn't hide how he feels.

Then there were those who are driven with guilt. Lewis should have felt like in cloud nine after gaining the driver's championship yet he felt empty. No celebrations for that because how could he be happy when Jules is still unconscious. Adrian Sutil founds himself in a battle with guilt even if no one was blaming him. He witnessed the whole thing in front of him and it all happened so fast.

For Sebastian, it wasn't an option to be emotional, angry, or guilty. He has to be rational and if possible hide his feelings as much as possible. He takes it upon himself to look after the whole grid, it was the least that he could do for everyone.

But then in rare moments where he is in his driver's room, an hour away from the race, he lets his guard down.

"Seb, I'm just dropping these oranges"Y/N wheeled in "Seb?"

The distress signals were calling Y/N with how Sebastian stayed with his back turned. His heavy breathing and the shaking hands were a dead giveaway that he has been crying.

"I'm okay, I'm okay" Sebastian repeated like a mantra.

He knows that Y/N has her own fair share of emotions to deal with Jules' tragedy. It mirrored her own a few months ago and she would spend night sleepless after being tormented by the memories of the accident. He needs to show that he is someone strong that Y/N can lean on so he cannot afford to show her that he is crying.

"Please seb, you can talk to me"Y/N begged, inching closer.

"I'm okay, I'm okay"

"Please Seb, I'm just trying to help you"Y/N explained "Please don't shut me out"

"I said I'm fine."

The tone was harsher than what Sebastian has intended. Even he was shocked by his voice and he couldn't help but face her to apologize. A very wrong decision on his part because he saw how equally shocked Y/N has been.

"I'm sorry, I just" Sebastian was lost for words "I'm just honestly so tired and you have been pressing me for something...but I'm still really sorry"

Y/N nodded her head. She was with Sebastian with the past few days and this has been a common occurrence. A part of her hurts that Sebastian seems to be shutting her out but there was the rational part of her brain that tells her that this is just a normal response from the accident. She bits back some of her words and lets out a heavy sigh.

"I'm really sorry" Sebastian embraced her.

She nods reluctantly, there was nothing she could do if Sebastian doesn't want to say anything. For all the years she knew Sebastian, he could be stubborn when he wants to.

Y/N reached out for an orange and handed it to Sebastian.

"Can you peel one?"Y/N asked "Just like our old traditions?"

A small smile appeared on his face and it felt like they were back to the good old days. It seems like it was just yesterday when they were sharing their first oranges and thinking that it brought some kind of luck during Sunday races.

Both of them wish that they were just back to much simpler times. When Sebastian was still a young reckless driver, who wants to prove himself and Y/N was still Mark's assistant. When the problems that they faced were still menial and nothing is as complicated like how they are right now.

They spent some time in silence eating their oranges until the clock starts ticking closer to the start of the race. The buzz of the door outside is getting a bit louder and both of them wished that they can just disappear inside the driver's room forever.

"You come back safe to me Seb" Y/N wistfully stated. The tender smile that they both shared knows how much this sentence weighs right now.

"I'm always coming back for you"

2014, Circuit of the America

Plenty of emails have remained unread ever since Y/N took her leave from the office. Although, it was not part of her job description, Jenson trusted her to sort his emails. Her replacement is someone competent but she is not someone that Jenson could trust yet, hence the pile up.

It was now time to open up the emails and delete the unnecessary ones as it takes up a lot of space. Jenson places himself at the hotel cafe, ready with a cup of coffee to keep himself awake.

"How does she do this every single day"Jenson mutters under his breath.

His respect raised somewhat higher after looking at 10 emails. Most of them were brand deals or an invitation to join a shady business deals. Jenson sorted out the mails into junk or those he would check on with his manager.

Ping.

Jenson almost groans upon realizing that there was a new email that has just been sent. He was ready to say forget it and let it have its turn to be waited upon. But then the subject of the email was written in all caps and bold, emphasizing the gravity of it all.

'WEBBER RESIGNATION LETTER'

The document attached to the email was plain and simple. It discusses how her accident has caused her incapable of fulfilling her duties and that she needed time off to recover completely. She stated how it was one of the best years to be able to work in McLaren and it was unfortunate how it has to end this way.

On another hand, the email itself was a personal letter to Jenson.

"Dear Jenson,

First of all, I apologize since I didn't have the courage to tell you all of this in person. This is an incredibly tough decision to make and I wasn't even sure if I was actually doing this until I hit the sent button. I'm really sorry that I'm emailing something because I'm too scared to face you right now.

Second, I wanted to thank you for everything. You have been the person that I have spent a lot of good and bad days with. You also let me see the different variations of you. The media may always paint you as a cheeky guy who was lucky to win a championship but I see more than that. You are a good person who cares a lot. You love rarely but its genuine. You push yourself to the limits even when you have a shit car or even teammate.

Lastly, I hope that my resignation will bring you peace. I know that you keep blaming yourself for my accident and you still think that you should have been the one driving the car. It pains me that you blame yourself for what happened to me. It wasn't your fault Jenson. I will keep repeating it a hundred times over until you get it through your thick skull. Learn how to forgive yourself and not be too harsh on yourself.

Jenson, I wish I could tell you how much I wanted to stay in this world. Motorsports is the only thing that I know but I have to take some time off. I have to heal myself physically, mentally and maybe even spiritually. Everything has been really draining and it is taking a toll on me. I know you may hate me for my decision but I hope you could understand this one day.

Always with you Jenson, Y/N.

The laptop's mousepad was slippery due to the tears that have fallen from Jenson. He felt a wave of embarrassment after realizing that he was in a public place and it would have made big headlines if someone caught him crying like this.

"Are you okay Mr Button?" a small voice tugged Jenson's jacket.

Jenson saw a young boy in buzzcut wearing a pajama set. He seems to be no less than 10 years old. Jenson immediately fixes his face to greet him.

"Yeah, I'm okay kiddo" Jenson tries to force a smile.

"My sister says its not nice to lie" the boy pointed out "however sometimes my sister lies sometimes pretend things are better than it seems. She says those lies are happy lies"

The ability of children to see through people should be discussed. Jenson finds himself tearing up a bit more after being confronted by a child.

"Here is my hanky"the boy pushed his blue handkerchief towards Jenson "I think you need this today Mr. Button"

Jenson smiles gratefully, he wanted to ask the name of the boy and thank him when someone else approached the table.

"You're Jenson Button? Can we take a photo?"

"Yeah sure"Jenson agreed.

The giddy McLaren fans immediately went next to him. He smiled the best he could and he hoped that his crying wasn't that all visible. After all is said and done, the fans thanked him.

Jenson turned to look for the kid but he was long gone. The existence of their interaction only existed with the blue handkerchief which has the name RJ.

Maybe someday he will meet that RJ kid again to thank him.

2014, Interlagos

When Y/N suggested that they have something to talk about during dinner, Sebastian took it as a sign to make it up for her. He knows how difficult he has been the past few weeks and it took him a while to revert back to his old self. He also knows that this has been a difficult season for Y/N with the accident, Michael, Jules, and every fiasco. They deserve a night out.

And like a poetic justice, he wanted to replace the horrible memory of the restaurant in Brazil last year.

He went all out with the whole preparation. He was dressed in some nice polo, a beautiful dress sent to Y/N, and a gorgeous flower arrangement. He planned to make this evening something memorable and a far better ending than last year.

But the candlelit dinner seems to be lacking its romantic aura with the way that their food has been half-eaten and their wines untouched. It doesn't take a genius to guess that this evening might not go well.

"Are you enjoying yourself?" Sebastian spoke up "You don't like the food?"

"It's fine, I'm just not hungry" her voice was almost a whisper.

In Y/N's head, she felt extremely guilty. She wanted a simple dinner with Sebastian to talk to him about her plans to take time off F1 and take a break. But seeing how Sebastian prepared so much for the dinner date, she felt like she couldn't find a perfect timing to break the news to him.

"You don't have to keep hiding, you could talk to me"Sebastian urged her to open up.

There was no point in prolonging the agony, might as well rip the bandages out.

She sucked in air as she delivers the news, "I'm resigning as Jenson's PR"

The fork that Sebastian was holding clatters down his plate. Surprise was evident on his face since he didn't expect this at all. There must be another team offering her a job that's why she resigned.

"Did Ferrari offer you a job?" Sebastian was trying to be optimistic. "Or did Nico finally poach you to join Mercedes-"

"No other teams, I'm just resigning"

His eyes were looking at her trying to see if there is any bluff or whatsoever, "Can I ask why?"

"There has just been a lot going on"Y/N admitted "I needed to heal and get back on my feet. I need to focus on getting better so I don't have to trouble you lot"

“Is that what’s bothering you?” Sebastian pressed “If that’s the only thing bothering you then you don’t have to worry about a thing. I can always fly to Monaco during weekends which are not race weekends and-“

Sebastian stops upon seeing the sad smile that she has on her face. Her hands pushed the set of keys that he entrusted to her. There was a moment of silence between the two of them and its like they could hear both their hearts pounding in this impending moment of confrontation.

“I have to go on my own Seb”Y/N explained “All the stuffs that I have to relearn, I need time to recover from everything that happened”

‘Then I’ll be by your side,’ Sebastian wanted to protest. But he felt lost for words.

“This whole situation is far from healthy and I cannot burden you any longer when you are also struggling to cope with the losses that we have experienced”

Slumping back at his seat, Sebastian could just recount the several events that happened in the past few months. Everything was a whirlwind for the two of them and at the back of his mind, he knows that Y/N is being reasonable. She needed time to recover from the tragedies and Sebastian also needed to cope healthily rather than pushing people away.

He gazed at her and he seems to notice for the first time how its taking a toll on her. It was a far different cry from that girl who he first met but Sebastian couldn’t help his feelings.

“But I love you” Sebastian managed to say something at last. He loves Y/N so much and the pang of pain in her eyes shows how Y/N loves him as well.

“And I do love you Seb”her voice cracking “But this isn’t a right time for us since we’re both broken and we will end up hurting each other if we stay together”

It wasn’t unlike Sebastian to give up in a fight. He was born to be competitive and fight for what he wants. However, how could he continue to fight when the white flag is already waved and its only waiting for his peaceful retreat.

“So what now..”he wondered.

“I’ll try to find myself”she answered bravely but tears were stinging her eyes “And I wish we could both recover and we can find happiness again”

He could only scoff at that, “That’s impossible for me to do”

“Seb please..”

“You can’t just ask me to let go of you and leave you alone when all I wanted to do is be by your side” Sebastian continues “I love you Y/N and isn’t love just enough to keep us going through things together?”

The woman in front of him started laughing bitterly. He could hear the laughter taunting him but at the same time the tears were falling down her cheeks. It was a whiplash of emotions.

“I wish love was enough that it could help me walk again. I wish love was strong enough that Jules is awake. I fucking wish love was enough that you don’t have to push me away when I was trying to ask you what’s going on.”

Both of them stared at each other like they were trying to figure out who was the stranger sitting in front of them. They both didn’t know how it suddenly escalated and turned into this kind of situation.

“All I ever wanted was a clean break”Y/N pointed “I was trying to take care of you Seb”

“No”Seb rejected “You’re running away from your problems”

Wiping her tears away, Y/N sent a message to Mark. It was a good thing that Mark insisted on being nearby so that if the whole thing goes south then he could pick her up right away.

“I’m leaving now. This is goodbye”

Y/N struggled to wheel herself out but she would not ask Sebastian for any help. She managed to turn her back from Sebastian and she felt hurt that Sebastian was not doing anything to stop her from leaving.

“Did you love me?”

The question stings Y/N and she halts. If she didn’t love Sebastian then she would be selfish and stayed with Sebastian to burden him with her troubles. She loves him so much to the point that she refuses that he was a getting a broken version of herself. She loves him to the point that he recognizes that she didn’t want to hurt Sebastian in the long run that’s why she chooses to recover and heal.

“It don’t care if you don’t”Sebastian declared “Because I love you and I’ll love you enough for the both of us. I will wait for you until you feel better, until you feel okay. I’ll be here”

Those words were something that she badly want to hear. It almost made her abandon the idea of leaving everything behind, she wanted to be so selfish. But she kept going and tried to not look back.

“Goodbye Sebastian”

[nevadancitizen]

HEAD OF FALSE SECURITY MASTERLIST

synopsis: The Soviet Union has been producing robots for a long time based on a miracle compound: polymer. But that was invented in 1941. The current year is 2038, and, due to rising tensions in the Arctic, Americans aren't as kind to Soviets as they once were. It's too bad you're a russki, and it's really too bad that you work in cybersecurity. And honestly, with the case Fowler has put you on, you're at risk of losing your job. It doesn't help that you're stuck with Lieutenant Hank Anderson and some new android apparently called Connor.

A Detroit: Become Human AU with elements from Atomic Heart (2023), in which the international political climate is a bit different and more prominent within the story. The Soviet Union still exists, and she's threatening America by proxy of her invasion of the Arctic.

ships: Connor/Reader, Hank Anderson & Reader

tags: Robot/Human Relationships, Action/Adventure, Action & Romance, Slow Burn, Fluff, Canon-Typical Violence, Gender-neutral Reader, Mutual Pining, Minor Character Death

small note: this fic has russian in it (i mean, obviously). i'll be posting the translations in the comments of the fics, so if you're confused, be sure to check them :)

note, continued: also, the reader in this fic is gender neutral. please do not refer to them with feminine or masculine pronouns. instead, please address them by they/them pronouns. this fic is all-inclusive and not meant to alienate anyone -- it's meant to be written so that everyone can read, no matter their personal pronouns!

CH. 1: A Silent Dog & Still Waters

CH. 2: Like a Mouse in a House Full of Cats

CH. 3: Android Autopsy (Or is it Necropsy?)

CH. 4: Without Torture, There is no Camaraderie

CH. 5: Live For a Century, Learn For a Century

CH. 6: Some Sort of Sick, Self-Inflicted Schadenfreude

CH. 7: Does Every Rabid Dog Get its Tail Docked up to the Ears?

CH. 8: Mind Palaces & Other Shattered Crystalline Dreams

CH. 9: If You Chop From the Shoulder, the Ax Will Find Your Hip

CH. 10: Either Fickle or a Friend (Or a Really Fucking Fickle Friend)

CH. 11: Only Philosophy From the Poor Rings True

CH. 12: Friends & Tobacco are Separate Things (& so are Revolutions)

CH. 13: The Joys of Soviet Technologies (or, Good, Honest Snake Oil – if There is Such a Thing!) (or, Let's Talk Homecoming (the Military Operation, not Prom)) (or, The Smallest Church in Saint-Saëns) (or, Wake up & Smell the Ashes)

CH. 14: No Misfortune is Without Blessing

CH. 15: These are the Moments

EPILOGUE: <currently being written...>

[starmosaics]

Shadow of natal Venus-Lilith aspects

This post is about Black Moon Lilith and i'm mainly talking about the conjunction and harsh aspects.

I have Venus conjunct Lilith in my own chart so here's some notes based off of my personal experience and observations. Sidenote: I am not shaming anyone for having these shadow aspects as they exist within me as well. Dominant Lilith folks are meant to self integrate their shadow sides to gain better awareness and to accept them to become whole. Everything I speak about are things I currently struggle with or have previously struggled with. I want this to be nothing but a safe space for Lilith dominant folks.

Sexualization and fetishization: These people are often sexualized at a very young age and throughout their lives. People often make sexual comments or gestures towards these individuals. Venus-Lilith folks may also become fetishized. People can project their fantasies onto Venus-Lilith natives, treating them as objects, only viewing them as sexual figures rather than actual human beings. People may have hidden agendas towards the Venus-Lilith person as well usually revolving around wanting to obtain something from them such as sex. People may paint Venus-Lilith people to be provocative and "sexually suggestive" when they're simply just existing.

Society: Lilith dominant people are often shamed by others. People project things onto them and create false perceptions of them. Society will stare, create assumptions, and speak behind these people's back. One of the purposes of Lilith dominance in a chart is for the person to completely leave societal expectations to follow their own unique path and to do it fearlessly. This is a huge challenge for them as they will often feel judged, unaccepted and ridiculed by others. They may have had family members project certain ideals onto them which in return they internalized and grew up trying to fit in with everyone around them. They may have been bullied during their developmental years, or got sucked into societal standards. Whatever a Lilith dominant person does that isn't deemed acceptable by the common collective, there will be talk. They must learn to disregard this and to continue to walk their own path and life their lives to the fullest; something that's true to them. They must honor the things that make them different from others.

Self image and self esteem: When/if sexualized at a young age or shamed by others, they can easily internalize this and seek external validation which in return ruins their perceptions of themselves and their self esteem. They could have an obsession over wanting to achieve perfection committing to an ideal that often is projected onto them by another. These people must work on healing this aspect within themselves as they can easily act on self hatred or create a false image of themselves, essentially creating a mask.

Control: Venus-Lilith folks may have issues regarding control within themselves and their relationships. They may resist any control that is put onto them, but can push to control their partners. They have a difficulty with being told no which can lead to acting impulsively and seeking instant gratification to get what they want; when their eyes are set on something, they do everything to get it. They also can have a hard time with compromising with partners due to their need for control. The need for control often stems from not wanting to be taken advantage of by others, especially by their partners.

Men...: Something to be mindful of is men treat Lilith dominant people weirdly. Men who are in relationships will show interest, men will stare at you wherever you go, their eyes will dart or follow your every move, men will unsolicitedly approach you, men will try to control and dominate you, men will think you're seducing them, men will project their fantasies onto you and have no shame in making it known, and men will objectify and sexualize you. I've had men suggest sex or straight up ask me for it; men who I've barely spoken to or just met. It's disgusting.

Sexuality: I have seen this play out in mainly two different ways; one being the Venus-Lilith person refraining from indulging in their sexual desires, restraining their sexuality and sexual expression, or the Venus-Lilith person discovering their sexuality earlier on and becoming sexually liberated. The shadow sides of these two scenarios is they can either be sexually repressed, usually caused by shame or guilt for having such desires, or they can overt their sexuality in an unhealthy manner, leading to debauchery or to gain or win something from another by luring them in. These people must create a healthy relationship with their sexuality and sexual desires so it's not completely dormant and kept on the backburner, or so it doesn't completely overrule their lives.

Relationships: Oftentimes relationships are complicated for Venus-Lilith natives. They can become another person's rebound, can become a third party (or what they call the other woman/a mistress) in someone else's relationship, can enter a toxic relationship, can confuse passion, limerence, and lust for love, or can repeatedly face heartbreak and chaos in one's love life. Something i've experienced in myself and have noticed in others is that there's sometimes there's a struggle with give in take in their relationships. They may want or expect their partner to fulfill all their needs, essentially wanting more than what they can give. They can have a difficult time with feeling entirely satisfied and may unconsciously ask for more than what a person can give. They may put their needs first or focus on how a relationship will serve them rather than entering something solely for love. Venus-Lilith people may be obsessive and have attachments towards potential partners OR they attract obsessive people. Even in the beginning stage of a relationship, they may find that their partners become quickly attached and possessive over the Venus-Lilith native. Jealousy is also another thing they may face within themselves or whomever they're romantically involved with. When they are in love, they're super intense; feeling love so strongly that it consumes them. Heartbreak is incredibly painful for anybody, but people with Venus-Lilith may completely rip themselves apart if heartbroken. At the end of a painful heartbreak or lesson in love, there's always an incredible transformation these individuals go through to better understand themselves and their shadows, deepest desires and fears, and others.

[velvetvexations]

you’ll see a trans boy be like “i dont personally have the power to oppress you” and then later the same day 3 of their little trans boy friends will start calling you out for making the first trans boy cry so hard he almost died (by disagreeing with him) and then all the cis women in the space will instantly side with the fragile little boys against the scary big [t-slur] who uses intimidating words like “transmisogyny” and thats how the whisper network against you starts, leading to far reaching professional and social consequences that never leave you

This didn’t happen.

Not this way, at least. All marginalized people are at all times at risk of being canceled unfairly. Their marginalization tends to play a major part in that, obviously. Trans women get hit with it a lot and that fucking sucks, and some transmascs are in TERF-y circles and can theoretically use that against transfems should they feel the need to.

This that I’m quoting, however, is a fantasy. It’s a page from a dream journal. People are giddily imagining things like this happening because they live in a world where trans women are feared and have their reputations ruined by lies, and they want to exploit that for their own benefit. The best way of doing this is putting themselves above other trans people, because cis people don’t give enough of a fuck to care or get involved with these bullshit arguments, but if you whine about other marganalized people they will actually be affected by it and forced into the conversation you created out of thin air. It’s not so much a victimization complex as it is a death cult fascination with the misery of transfemininity identical to the TERF obsession with fymyl suffering, defining ‘trans woman’ as 'the thing that feels pain always and forever.’

It’s disgusting and I can’t imagine identifying with such a sniveling and pathetic vision of what being a trans woman is like. It’s so undignified it makes my skin crawl. It’s embarrassing. There’s nothing in this crying little effigy covered in pins and needles I can relate to. I can’t tell if these people need more self-esteem or less. I’m so fucking tired of this wounded gazelle shit.

But for the TRF, transfemininity is all about the abuse. Just look at the beyond absurd assertion, made over and over again, that trans women are maliciously called the t-slur by other trans people. That’s just. No? No. But in claiming that the t-slur can only ever refer to trans women, and that transfeminine suffering takes priority above all else because everyone forever at all times hates trans women more than anyone else, it again becomes necessary to construct this false vision of intercommunity dynamics where “scary big t-slur” is a stereotype that exists within the community in the first place, and which trans men are constantly using against trans women.

It’s just so blatantly selfish for one to act like a transfeminist when all one does every single day is bitch about other trans people. We’re all about to get fucked harder than ever and there are people who profess to sincerely believe they’re fighting the revolution by making up lies about their siblings. I’m easily triggered by transphobia outside of the community and yet even I manage to engage with actual transphobes and make them considerably less transphobic, yet people who don’t even know enough about what TERFs believe to understand they hate men too will fritter the day away on how they could theoretically be canceled if they did something bad ,and wouldn’t that be the worst thing ever? Oh, what if I broke up with someone and our mutual friends believed I was the jerk, because that’s a situation that exclusively happens to poor helpwess twans women and the mere suggestion I could possibly be a jerk in the first place is unthinkable? Hate to keep saying this, but trans women are being actually murdered and this obsessive fixation on “social murder” within the trans community exists purely to spice things up with a feeling of danger because the spaces we’ve managed to carve out for ourselves are otherwise a little too safe and it feels more authentic to the Laura Palmer Ultimate Victim narrative. Massively popular transfems with over ten thousand followers will happily sic them on people for the most upsettingly asinine reasons and then cry-type about how they’re the underdogs in every possible social situation.

But most obnoxious of all is the implication here that, because this can only happen to trans women, gossip and slander does not happen to other trans people, or other marginalized people in general.

That’s fucked, considering how much this discourse has attacked specific targets. It’s most maddening to see that “the coiner of the word transandrophobia has dykebreaking+detransitioning-of-transfems kink” has evolved to “most people who believe in transandrophobia have those kinks” because I constantly see TERFs making huge compilations of transfem blogs engaging in cis dykebreaking kink from the dom perspective. Just transfem dom blog after transfem dom blog enthusiastically into cis dykebreaking, which TERFs use to paint us in a way that fits their narrative.

Literally the only example they can ever give of a transandrophobia-connected person* being a dom for dykebreaking with transfem subs is someone who was being paid by a transfem. Detrans kink is overwhelmingly non-transfems, but almost exclusively as subs to either transfems or cis men, and those transfems aren’t getting paid for it, they actually are just in it for the love of the game. There’s nothing wrong with that, but people want to act like there is when it’s anyone else, and that’s not only weird but also setting up a bear trap to step in later.

Which gets to the point that, hey, wow, I’ve noticed a lot of cis women in particular who self-identify as TME are super into anti-shipping. You cannot possibly imagine you’re safe for trans women if your big issue with trans men articulating their oppression is “they masturbate evilly.” Popular transfem blogs will talk at length about how you shouldn’t judge transfems for their kinks but cis women are so eager to kinkshame transmascs that they not only make shit up out of thin air, but specifically copy and paste kinks almost entirely made up of transfems onto transmascs. Someday very soon a TERF is going to show them it’s much more convenient to be a general transphobe and not make special exceptions for the ones that use the same pronouns as you. They’re going to show your anti-ship cis lesbian friend one of those transfem dykebreaking blog compilations and she’ll take Trans Rights Are Human Rights out of her bio within the hour.

Like, even if you didn’t care about being monstrously inhumane to others, all of this is so against transfem self-interests in the long run, but people who consider themselves the most transfeminist transfeminists there are, of a radical nature, one might say, care more about notes than helping anyone, least of all the transfems they’re feeding into a grinder of paranoia and isolation. Especially the isolation.

It’s a little hard to take it seriously when I get accused of calling all trans women groomers for thinking it’s bad when people talk about “curing” other trans women’s “comphet,” how “TMEs” are obligated to bottom for them to compensate for transmisogyny, and writing long treatises on why it’s one’s moral responsibility to throw forcefem kink at random men because they may like it. Like, am I saying trans women are groomers, or am I saying some people use being members of a marginalized community to be kinna gross? People somehow find it in them to be angry at gay men who cross boundaries in spite of the messaging that they’re all sex abusers for the past two hundred years. Especially since 90% of the concern is for other trans women.Like, sorry, but I care enough about trans women that I’m going to say something if I think you’re putting them in a bad situation, and someone being a trans woman doesn’t make them immune to that. But oh, it does if you assume that this is all just common sense transfeminism, and I am in fact making this accusation of most trans women instead of an extremely niche group.

Never mind that in the screencap people use to accuse me of calling trans women “rapists” I was saying something a self-identified TME said was coercive, and whose identity as a Not a Trans Woman I explicitly noted.** Never mind that I’m the not the one telling people to name their blogs after the original transbian separatist group that famously fell apart after resulting in heavy sexual abuse. Never mind that I have said over and over again that TRFs act no more entitled to people’s bodies than lesbian TERFs who treat people they perceive as women the same way.

But I’m supposed to believe that those cis anti-shippers who post things like “every time someone says kinks are fine they’re just protecting predators in the LGBT community” is a great ally and I’m a traitor because they hate men and I don’t?

Sorry, no, not a traitor. A “pickme begging to be beaten to death with hammers.” Who’s probably not even actually a trans woman. Great transfeminism, yall. You’re really fighting transmisogyny.

It’s especially galling now that TRFs have taken to calling transandrophobia “reactionary,” the most bullshit possible way to call a group that includes a huge number of PoC, who they constantly accuse of tokenization, a pack of Nazis. What is transandrophobia reacting to? Bigotry? Golly gee, I guess so! Or maybe it’s “reacting” to transmisogyny as part of the completely absurd idea that trasnmascs steal everything from transfems. Like, yeah, sure girliepop, and we stole misogyny from cis women, right? Sorry you failed to not sound exactly like a TERF yet again but maybe try again tomorrow and you’ll finally earn not being called a radfem.

But isn’t it sooooo mean of me to compare a small amount of trans women to radfems? Like their oppressors? Well, first of all, they regularly refer to Jewish people as Nazis, discourse aside that they do that is simply a true fact which shows they indeed think it’s possible to justify comparisons like that, although in their case it’s just because it feels like getting off a sick burn and rhetorical W to go “ah, but what if this Jewish person…was a Nazi? Checkmate, Zionists.”

Secondly, for as much as TRFs want to claim TERFs only hate them, that’s simply not true and I have conclusively proven this with basic use of Tumblr’s search function and the tag “radblr.” Twice. If you believe they love transmascs and only want what’s best for them, congratulations dipshit, you fell for their propaganda so hard I’m surprised they haven’t managed to convince you you’re not a woman. Or is it only an obvious lie when it’s about you?

Most annoyingly, just on a personal level, is the way TRFs get pissed off at non-transfem feminine AMAB people for daring to exist. The idea that femboy is a slur for trans women would be laughable if it weren’t grotesque in it’s ignorance. The things I’ve read people say about how transmisogynistic it is for an anime character to be a crossdressing man instead of a trans woman are just infuriatingly racist. Not everything is about you and it’s not actually a big deal if people talk about others once in blue moon.

The constant posts about how non-transfems are evil for not making more transfem headcanons, or for headcanoning the TRF’s favorite canonically male character wrong, are particularly childish. I can’t even go into MY favorite blorbo’s tag without seeing people call transmasc headcanons of him inferior literary analysis completely without irony, and every single time they shit like this, they do it while making up the most convoluted and nonsensical explanations for why the character can only be transfem instead, as though the hostility is defensiveness born out of their particular blorbo requiring a lot of creativity to headcanon that way, necessitating going to war to prove they can’t really be a man to assert it as The One Truth. Then they’ll complain until the fucking heat death of the universe about how everyone loves transmasc headcanons because of transmisogyny.

It’s the same unbearable on-sight hostility as when a TERF sees a child on the subway and goes home to type up a novel of a post on how he had the eyes of a future wife-beater, and it’s so irritating to see it spread from one corner to another. Literally, TRFs say that trans men will always turn on trans women and eventually detransition to wield their wymbnly power against us, and I’m expected to not see that as having severe hang-ups about people born into what they want to transition into and have denied to them by society’s transphobia?

What about the fact that they constantly mock AFAB trans people in ways specifically targeting that trait, calling non-binary people “theyfabs,” joking it’s easy to misgender trans men when they have large breasts, and reduce transmasc stereotypes to feminine “soft bois?” Like, yeah, okay, you’re not projecting any gaping insecurities you may have about assigned sex and gender roles when you say transmasc music is ukuleles and transfem music is heavy metal, next tell me about how transmascs all enjoy tea parties and transfems all go to football games.

But it’s not even mostly trans women who keep this shit alive in the first place. A higher percentage of total trans women on this site are into this framework, but the total number of non-transfem trans people and cis women so outweighs them in the first place that it cancels that out. Like, if x is higher than y, and x% of trans women on Tumblr agree but only y% of “TME” people do, that’s still a movement mostly consisting of “TME” people. The full separatist angle would very quickly reveal how little air it has to burn if trans women truly only had themselves to watch out for each other. Unfortunately, self-identified TMEs are much more likely to get TERFier rather than simply less TRF-y when the spell breaks and they realize how fucked up this shit is, while the people who’ve been batted at continue to exercise the patience of a saint and continue to fight for trans women anyway.

And that! Is what hurts! The most! The fact that people do not care about transmascs and in particular the ones who believe in transandrophobia are constantly tripping over themselves to defend and help trans women as much as they possibly can. I wish people saw that. I wish that mattered. It’s like watching a black hole suck up an endless font of goodwill and love. And then going “lol reactionary transandrobros hate trans women.”

That’s it, though, the great irony of it all is that if it were true, it’d never have become popular in the first place. It’s kept aloft by self-identified TMEs who are well-meaning if not especially good at critical thinking, except for the the contingent that are convinced trans men are all misogynistic because they personally are, or even outright seem to get gender euphoria from the idea they have male privilege. But for whatever reason, if “TME” folks didn’t care? The people making up elaborate tales of their potential (social) murder would have to find some other way to get attention.

I suggest throwing on a big red nose and joining a circus.

*and I specify “transandrophobia-connected” but you’d have a hard time rustling up transmasc doms in general from those scenes

**also, despite it being something I saw with my own eyes, I notably did not even feel it hit the level of needing to directly name someone as being who I was basing my assessment of sexual coercive behavior on as being sexually coercive, because I think it's much more a prevalent attitude of pressure in sexual contexts than individual behavior

[fireflysummers]

Good Omens S2

Okay so.

Excellent Job, Gaiman

Ouch???

I don't like to publicly talk about my personal life. My academic life is my professional life is my artist life. But my personal life? Not so much, outside of vignettes.

But for the past several months, I've been deconstructing a lot of personal baggage and trauma surrounding both family and religion, after leaving the cult I was raised in (mormonism).

It's terrifying to realize that the framework you built your entire self on is false. It's exhausting and painful to deconstruct that framework, to disentangle your identity in the way that won't destroy you.

And it's slow.

Nobody ever tells you how slow it is to heal. You can't control the rate you heal either. You just have to be patient with yourself, and give yourself an environment where that healing can occur safely and naturally.

Anyways.

Good Omens, and its weird tendency to be exactly what I need when I need it.

I first read Good Omens in high school. And honestly, I didn't quite get it, at the time. I only knew it was different from every other book I've ever read, one that didn't treat religion as stupid or trivial, but also one that called out the blatant hypocrisy and control tactics involved. It helped me safely challenge a status quo I hadn't even realized existed.

I first watched Good Omens partway into my Master's Degree. It was everything that I could've hoped for. I understood the book a lot better, but the TV adaptation captured my struggles with mental dissonance, trying to understand and accept the parts of my identity that I was taught God didn't want.

I watch S2 a year into my doctoral program. I'm out of the cult, and it's exhilarating and painful and scary and fun, but I can still feel the scars its hooks left when they were torn out.

I feel like S2 Aziraphale is in about the same place. He's exploring his freedom, but also trying to reorient himself. He's trying to let himself be. He's healing, but his boundaries got overridden due to circumstances out of his control (naked Gabriel). He's been pulled back into the gravity of the abusive system he tried to escape, given a carrot on a stick, and isn't yet healed or strong enough to resist.

On top of that, Aziraphale is still holding onto the hope that the problem was bad individuals, not a corrupted system. He thinks if the leadership is different, things can change. He thinks if he had more authority in the system, he could make things change. And... that's not how it works.

And Crowley. Dear Crowley.

He wants Aziraphale to be farther along in his healing than he is. Honestly, Aziraphale wants it too. But again, you cannot force this kind of healing, even when it results in a loved one making some truly stupid decisions.

Crowley sees the system for what it is. He's already deconstructed that part. But he hasn't really started addressing his own trauma. He's hinged his entire existence on Aziraphale, on being what Aziraphale needs, that he hasn't allowed himself to heal either. And Aziraphale, who is vulnerable and healing, is not able to provide the support that Crowley would need to recover safely.

Which is why them separating is probably the best thing for both of them.

It won't be permanent.

But they don't communicate, and their relationship while delightful and beautiful risks unhealthy codependency that prevents either from really growing or healing.

Anyways, what I really hope to see next season is Aziraphale's realization that the system never had his back. That the system is what's wrong, and that he can't win by playing at respectability politics or gaining a higher status within it.

I want Aziraphale to get angry.

He deserves it. He's tried so hard. He thinks he's lost Crowley over it.

I want him to feel the gut-wrenching despair of realizing how conditional and fleeting the system's version of love is, and I want it to turn into a rage.

But not a destructive rage--the sort of anger that Pratchett ascribes to himself and many of his works. The sort of anger that fueled Discworld and Good Omens. The sort that can be finessed into a weapon and a shield, that can be used to protect the people who truly love you.

For millennia we see Crowley fighting for Aziraphale.

For Season 3, I want to see Aziraphale fighting for his demon.

For him to apologize, without the expectation that Crowley will come back, but because he was wrong and Crowley needs to know it. To not expect forgiveness, not even think he deserves it.

And then for Crowley--who is trying to hide his heart eyes at seeing his avenging angel coming to save him for once, who he can tell immediately has changed, and is finally going Crowley's speed)--for Crowley to give that forgiveness, without strings attached.

[her-satanic-wiles]

Kinktober Day 2 - Caning

Cardinal Primo x GN!Reader

Cardinal Primo is always far too hard on himself, but sometimes he needs a break. Sometimes he needs you to be hard on him, too.

Masterlist ⛧ Kinktober 2024 Masterlist

Words: 4.5k.

Reading Time: 18 min.

Warnings: blood, caning, dom/sub dynamic, flagellation, impact play, masturbation, praise kink, self-flagellation,

Taglist: @akayuki56 @alien-the-ghost @amazing-bobinsky @angellayercake @anonymous-appreciation @babydestinyinfluencer @bitchywitchygardener @blossomsea @call-me-little-sunshine84 @copiaspet622 @copiasslut @cosmixxdust @da-rulah @dolceterzo @dopey-fandom-girl @faithisyours @ghoulishxdelights @high-above-the-city @howlingco @inkstainedrat @kaijukimchi @kenken-the-shoggoth @ledger-kaos @magopi @megachaoticstupid @meliza1001 @miss-leto @mommy-dust @neganwifey25-blog @piaart @saintbowie @shycardinale @sisterof-sin @sodoswitchimage @the-did-i-ask @xiyingly @zombiesnips-blog

🔞 MDNI 🔞

Recommended listening: Take Me Back To Eden - Sleep Token

The first sound to greet you as you stepped into the dimly lit chapel was a series of grunts, echoing off the cold stone walls and reverberating deep within your ears. The heavy breaths that followed were punctuated by sharp intakes, each noise tinged with an unmistakable pain that clawed at your heart.

Curiosity propelled you forward, your head peeking around the corner. The sight that met your gaze was both haunting and mesmerising. Cardinal Primo knelt on the unforgiving stone floor, his torso bare and glistening with sweat. His left hand propped him up, trembling under the weight of his self-imposed penance. Blood trickled from open welts marring his back, testament to the punishment inflicted by the cane clutched tightly in his right hand—a stark symbol of self-flagellation.

Sweat beaded on his brow, cascading down his face in rivulets that blurred the lines of his paints, giving the impression of black tears streaking down his skin. Each mark on his back spoke volumes of his struggle; you could easily believe he had shed real tears at some point, the rawness of his wounds suggesting a depth of suffering that went beyond the physical.

Primo had always been relentlessly hard on himself, a man who believed he must bear the weight of his mistakes alone. The Ministry, a construct of mercy rather than judgment, had never mandated such punishments. Yet, remnants of a past steeped in the shadows of the False God lingered, twisting the beliefs of those who still sought redemption through pain. For Primo, these rituals had become a cruel necessity, a ritual of remorse that broke your heart each time you bore witness.

He straightened his posture, exhaling a shaky breath as he swung the cane with renewed vigour, allowing it to strike his body with brutal force. Another grunt escaped him, the impact driving him forward into that same three-pointed stance, a position of both agony and resolve. It was a strange paradox—the desperate sounds he made stirred something within you, igniting a heat that spread through your core, awakening desires you never knew existed. The sheen of sweat glistening on his skin, mingled with the crimson droplets of blood, created a visceral tableau that left you breathless and yearning.

You couldn’t help but sigh, the sound cutting through the air like a whisper of acknowledgment. His gaze snapped to you, wide and startled. “I… didn’t hear you… come in,” he panted, his breaths labored, each word a testament to the toll of his actions.

“I’m not surprised,” you replied, trying to keep your tone lighthearted, a stark contrast to the heavy atmosphere. You stepped closer and took a seat in the pew just behind him, granting yourself a front-row seat to his torment. “With all that noise you were making, I can hardly believe I’m the only one who dared to step inside to witness this.”

As you settled into the pew, the air grew heavy with tension, each breath you took charged with an unspoken electricity. Cardinal Primo steadied himself, the grip on his cane tightening as he drew a deep breath, a moment of silence hanging between you like a fragile thread.

Then, with a swift, deliberate motion, he swung the cane again, the sound of wood connecting with skin echoing through the chapel. The sharp crack resonated like a thunderclap, followed by a low grunt that escaped his lips, the force of the impact causing him to falter forward once more. The sight was visceral, his body wracked with the effort, and your heart raced at the rawness of it all.

Each strike seemed to peel back layers of his stoicism, revealing a deeper pain that resonated within you. You watched as the blood welled up from the new wound, trickling down his back in crimson rivulets, contrasting starkly against his pale skin. The visceral act stirred something primal within you, a mix of empathy and an inexplicable desire that made your breath hitch.

He straightened again, sweat glistening on his brow, and for a moment, your eyes locked. In that fleeting connection, you sensed the weight of his struggles, the burden he bore not just for himself but for the ideals he represented. You wanted to reach out, to pull him from this cycle of self-destruction, but the intensity of the moment held you captive.

Primo inhaled sharply, his chest rising and falling like a storm-tossed sea. It was then you realized that each swing of the cane wasn’t merely a punishment; it was a desperate plea for absolution, a yearning for a release that seemed perpetually out of reach. And yet, watching him, you felt a strange awakening, an urge to understand the depths of his suffering, to explore the fine line between pain and redemption that he walked so precariously.

“Why do you do this?” you finally dared to ask, your voice barely above a whisper, as though breaking the silence would shatter the fragile spell that had ensnared you both.

Primo had spent the morning in the council chambers of the Ministry, where heated debates raged over the direction the faith should take. He had been tasked with mediating discussions between factions that were increasingly at odds, each side clinging fiercely to their interpretations of doctrine. The weight of the responsibility bore heavily on him, a constant reminder of the expectations placed upon his shoulders.

That day, in the midst of the arguments, a slip of his tongue had ignited a fierce backlash. He had misquoted a sacred text, an error that had caused an uproar among the devout. Whispers of doubt spread like wildfire, and he felt the gaze of his peers turn cold, their judgment piercing through him. The feeling of failure washed over him, drowning out the voices of support that tried to remind him of his worth.

The aftermath of the meeting lingered in his mind like a dark cloud. He replayed the moment over and over, consumed by shame. To him, the only way to atone for his perceived failure was to seek redemption through pain. It was a twisted form of penance, one he believed would appease the higher powers he sought to serve, including the vengeful shadows of his own fears and doubts.

In his mind, he thought of Satan as a force of truth, a harsh but necessary guide. To stand before such a power without scars seemed unfathomable. So, in a desperate attempt to cleanse himself of the perceived sin of incompetence, he turned to self-flagellation, believing that suffering would somehow restore his honor and reaffirm his commitment to the faith.

As you watched him now, each strike of the cane was both a physical act and a spiritual one—a ritual designed to wash away the stain of his mistake and prove his worthiness, even if it meant courting the darkness he feared. In that moment, you understood that his desire for redemption was not just for the sake of the Ministry but for his own fractured spirit, striving to reclaim a sense of purpose in a world that felt increasingly chaotic.

You nodded in understanding as he recounted the events that had pushed him to this desperate act of penance. The weight of his words hung heavily in the air, and you felt the tension crackle between you. The next swing of the cane sliced through the silence, the sharp crack reverberating against the stone walls, followed by a grunt that echoed with both pain and resolve.

Your thighs tightened.

You seized the moment to speak, your voice steady yet soft, cutting through the haze of his suffering. “The Dark Lord is more merciful than this,” you said, letting your words sink in. “Suffering is for the followers of the light, the children of the False God. And, He’d want you to feel the pleasure in the pain, at least.”

Primo paused, the cane hanging limply at his side, his breath hitching as he absorbed your words. A flicker of confusion crossed his face, battling with the internal struggle that raged within him. The idea seemed foreign, almost blasphemous, yet a part of him hesitated, yearning for a glimmer of relief from the relentless cycle of pain he had subjected himself to.

“Pleasure?” he echoed, his voice barely above a whisper, laden with doubt. “How can I indulge in anything but punishment when I’ve failed?”

You leaned forward slightly, your eyes locking onto his, willing him to see the truth in your perspective. “Redemption doesn’t solely lie in pain, Primo. It’s in the balance, in embracing both light and dark. The Dark Lord doesn’t seek to break you; He seeks to mold you. Embracing pleasure doesn’t diminish your devotion—it enhances it, allowing you to rise stronger from your trials.”

As the words left your lips, you noticed a subtle shift in his posture. The rigidness began to melt away, if only slightly, as the weight of his self-imposed burden wavered under the promise of something more. In that moment, you saw the flicker of hope ignite in his eyes, a yearning to reclaim not just his honour, but the joy of living, even amidst the shadows.

Almost quietly, and with a small smile, he responded, “I should have known you’d come for your pound of flesh.” His gaze lingered on you, a mixture of challenge and vulnerability in his eyes. The statement hung in the air, charged with a tension that sent a shiver down your spine.

You met his gaze, a slow smile playing at the corners of your lips. “Perhaps I have,” you replied, your voice low and sultry, deliberately teasing the edge of his discomfort. You stood and walked over to him, hooking your index finger below his chin. His eyes were wide, pupils blown out. He looked somehow innocent in all of this. “Perhaps I’ve been sent here to do His bidding.”

“It would be a great pleasure to be punished by you.”

He placed the cane in both of his hands and held it up to you, like a knight offering a sword to his queen. The cane trembled slightly in his hands as he offered it to you, his eyes locked onto yours with a mixture of reverence and desire. His lips parted as though he were about to speak, but no words came—only the quiet, charged silence between you. Trust radiated from him, unspoken yet undeniable, but instead of taking the cane, you chose a different path.

Slowly, deliberately, you sank to your knees before him, the movement commanding his attention. His breath hitched as he watched, every inch of you now level with the vulnerability he tried so hard to suppress. The tension between you was electric, a palpable pulse of need and anticipation. You let your hand slide behind his neck, the warmth of his skin beneath your fingertips sending a jolt through you both.

Without breaking eye contact, you pulled him toward you, and the kiss that followed was anything but gentle. It was desperate, hungry, and raw—a collision of longing and pent-up emotion that neither of you could hold back any longer. His lips crashed against yours, warm and insistent, as if he were trying to lose himself in the intensity of the moment, seeking solace in the heat of your touch.

A soft groan escaped him as your mouths moved together, your fingers tangling in his damp hair. His hands, once so steady, gripped your arms with a fervor that matched the wild beat of his heart. You could feel the tension in his body, every muscle taut as though he were on the verge of breaking. His kiss was filled with everything he had been holding back—months, perhaps years, of isolation, of denying himself any comfort beyond the sting of his cane.

You deepened the kiss, the passion between you intensifying as you pressed closer. His breath came in ragged gasps between kisses, each one more desperate than the last, as if he were afraid to let go, afraid that the moment would slip through his fingers if he didn’t cling to it. To you.

Your bodies moved in sync, lips parting, tongues intertwining, with the Cardinal fully submitting to you with nary a fight left in him. The taste of him—sweat, salt, and something deeper, more primal—ignited a fire in you, your desire burning hotter with every passing second. He kissed you like you were his salvation, his escape from the torment he inflicted upon himself.

When you finally pulled back, both of you were breathless, lips swollen, your foreheads pressed together as the intensity of what had just passed settled between you. His chest rose and fell heavily, and his eyes, dark with need, searched yours, pleading for something more than what his punishment could offer. “Let me make you feel good,” you panted, resting your forehead against his. “Let me help you.”

“Y-yes,” Primo stammered. The feelings in his chest were threatening to overwhelm him if he didn’t keep himself in check.

You locked your lips to his again, allowing the kiss to return to the same heat it was before. As your tongue entered his mouth, you travelled your hand down from his neck, across the sweaty expanse of his hairy chest and soft stomach, and onto his clothed crotch, earning a gasp from his lips as you made contact. Gently, you began to stroke over him, his limp cock beginning to stand to attention at your touch. You were like a magician with the way you touched him, playing with the right spots to make it feel so fucking good so early on. He was wrapped around your little finger, his body answered only your call. Tonight, you were going to help him in more ways than one.

Flagellation had never felt like this before, neither had pleasure, if Primo was being honest. He wasn’t fully hard yet, but the dull humming of pain on his back mixed with your hand on his core had given him a whole new religious experience. Satan’s wrath at his back, His mercy at his front - and it felt incredible. He never wanted it to stop.

You broke the kiss once more, making him whine in response. “Do you still want me to cane you?”

“Sathanas - please. Please.”

Primo’s begging was delicious. You let your fingers trail along the waistband of his trousers, teasing the skin beneath, but you didn’t give him what he wanted. Not yet. “You’ll get your punishment,” you promised, your voice dark with promise. “But tonight, Primo, it’s going to feel like a blessing.”

His breath caught, his body trembling at the weight of your words, and you could see it in his eyes—he was ready to be yours, to give in to the dark, twisted pleasure that only you could provide.

Slowly, you trailed your hand down from his waistband, brushing your fingers over the growing hardness between his legs. He gasped, his hips bucking slightly into your touch, but you kept your movements slow and deliberate, keeping him teetering on the edge of pleasure without giving him the release he so desperately craved.

“Tell me, Primo,” you murmured, your fingers ghosting over his cock in featherlight strokes. “Do you want more pain? Or more pleasure?” You kissed the edge of his jaw as you spoke, your breath hot against his skin, every word a temptation he couldn’t resist.

His eyes fluttered shut as a low moan escaped him, the mix of pain from his earlier flagellation and the pleasure of your touch driving him to the brink. “Both,” he finally breathed, his voice trembling. “I need both.”

You smiled against his skin, satisfied with his answer. “Good,” you whispered, before pulling back slightly, your eyes locking onto his. “Then let’s begin.”

You reached for the cane, still gripped in his trembling hands, and pried it from his grasp, your fingers brushing his as you took it from him. His eyes followed your movements, wide and filled with anticipation, as you stood before him, the wooden cane held firmly in your hand.

“Remove your trousers,” you commanded, looking down at him with hooded eyes. Primo obliged immediately, scrambling off the floor to obey you as quickly as possible. He was fully hard now, cock red and aching, and pleading to be touched once more. The sight of it made your mouth water.

“Touch yourself,” you continued, “slowly.”

Primo spat in his hand and wrapped it around his head, softy and slowly twisting as he began to fuck himself in front of you. He was needy. Desperate. Wanting.

You raised the cane slightly and brought it down in a swift, sharp strike against his thigh—not hard enough to hurt, but enough to make him gasp. The combination of the pain and his touch made his entire body tremble, the contrast pushing him into a deeper submission.

His moan was low, guttural, and you could tell that he was already starting to lose himself in the mix of pleasure and pain. “Do you like that?” you asked, your voice teasing, as you leaned down to brush your lips against his.

“Yes,” he gasped, his voice hoarse and breathless. “More… please…”

You smiled against his mouth and delivered another, harder strike, this time to his other thigh. His reaction was immediate, his back arching as he let out a strangled cry, the cane in your hand and the desire in your touch working together to pull him deeper into submission.

“Good boy,” you purred, pressing your palm harder against his now throbbing cock as a reward. “You’re doing so well.”

His entire body seemed to melt at your words, his mind surrendering completely to your control. The pain, the pleasure—it all blurred together for him now, each sensation heightened by the other, until he was nothing but a trembling mess beneath you.

“Where do you want the pain now, Primo?”

“B-back. My back.”

You grinned at his trembling voice, watching as he begged for more, his body a quivering mass of need and submission. His cock was slick with his own spit, his hand slowly twisting and stroking, but the desperation in his eyes told you he was aching for something more—something only you could give him.

With a teasing hum, you moved behind him, the cane still firmly gripped in your hand. His back was already marked with the remnants of his self-inflicted punishment, the red welts standing out against his pale skin, but you knew he craved your touch—the combination of pain and pleasure only you could deliver.

“You want the pain on your back, do you?” you purred, running the tip of the cane lightly over his shoulders. His muscles tensed beneath your touch, his body quivering with anticipation. “Are you sure, Primo? I can make it hurt so good, but you have to ask for it.”

“Please,” he gasped, his voice ragged. “P-please, punish me.”

The sound of him begging for it, so willing, so eager, made your heart race. You raised the cane, hesitating for just a moment to let him feel the anticipation, before bringing it down sharply across his shoulders. His body jolted, a guttural moan escaping his lips as the pain radiated through him, but you could tell by the way he arched into the blow that he wanted—no, needed—more.

Without giving him a chance to recover, you brought the cane down again, striking a bit harder this time, the sound of the impact echoing in the chapel. His back arched once more, his hand faltering for just a moment on his cock as the pain overwhelmed him.

“You take it so well,” you cooed, stepping closer to press your body against his. You let your free hand trail over his heated skin, feeling the way his muscles quivered beneath your fingertips. “Do you want more, Primo?”

“Yes,” he groaned, his voice shaking. “More… please…”

You delivered another strike, the force sending a tremor through his entire body. His back was now a canvas of red, each mark a testament to his submission, and yet he still begged for more.

“Keep touching yourself,” you ordered, your voice firm but seductive. “Don’t stop. Go faster.”

He obeyed, his hand moving over his cock in quick, desperate strokes as you continued to bring the cane down on his back, each blow making him cry out in a perfect blend of pain and pleasure. His moans grew louder, more frantic, and you could see that he was close, his body trembling on the edge of release.

You leaned down, your lips brushing his ear as you whispered, “You can come, Primo, but only when I tell you. Understand?”

“Yes,” he gasped, his voice strained. “Please… let me come…”

You smiled wickedly, your hand ghosting over the welts on his back before delivering one final, hard strike. His entire body jolted forward, hips now doing most of the work as continued to fuck his hand as hard as he needed, a choked cry escaping him when he tried to hold back, his cock throbbing in his hand.

“Not yet,” you teased, your voice dripping with control. “Not until I say.”

He whimpered beneath you, his body trembling with the effort of holding back, but he obeyed, desperate for your approval, desperate for the release only you could grant.

“You were doing this for the Dark Lord’s forgiveness, weren’t you, Cardinal?” You taunted from behind as you landed another painful blow. You watched as the blood bloomed from the fresh wound.

“Y-yes!”

“Keep fucking that hand, Cardinal, but beg for His forgiveness. Beg Satan and He might grand you pleasure.”

Primo gasped, the sting of the blow igniting a fire within him. “Satan,” he cried out, his voice trembling with desperation. “I—I beg for Your f-forgiveness! I’ve sinned - fuck! And I seek Your mercy. Please… gra-ant me pleasure in my suffering!”

Each word spilled from his lips with a fervour that only deepened his submission, the mix of pain and longing pushing him further into the depths of his desire. “I’ll do any… anything for Your grace,” he continued, his hand moving faster against his cock. “Mmmm… fucking Hell! Please, please, please, let me f-feel Your love through this pain!”

His voice grew more frantic with each plea, the raw vulnerability of his words sending shivers through him. He was completely lost, teetering on the edge, surrendering himself to the dark power he both feared and craved.

You felt a tingling in your body, all over it, in fact. You could feel a breath shoot down your spine from your ear, as if someone had just whispered into it. The smell of sulfur filled your nostrils and left you convinced. You leaned down again, your lips brushing the shell of his ear. “He has granted you his mercy. come for us, Primo,” you whispered, your voice a soft command, then a final blow to his back.

With a guttural moan, Primo finally let go, his body convulsing with the intensity of his orgasm as he spilled onto the stone floor, pooling just in front of his knees, his back arching beneath the weight of the pleasure and pain you had given him. He gasped for air, his entire body shaking as he rode the wave of his release, his mind and body completely yours.

You smiled down at him, watching as he collapsed to the floor, spent and trembling, his breath coming in shallow, ragged gasps.

“Good boy,” you murmured, your voice soothing now as you knelt beside him, running your fingers gently over his sweat-slicked hair. “You did so well.”

Primo’s eyes fluttered open, and for a moment, he looked at you with something close to reverence. He had given himself over to you completely, and you had taken him to the edge and back again. Now, he was yours—body and soul.

As you helped Primo to his feet, he leaned against you, his body still trembling from the intensity of what had just transpired. You helped him back into his trousers - not before using the pant leg to clean up his mess, which earned you a weakened chuckle from him. The chapel, with its cold stone walls, faded from your mind as you guided him outside, the night air wrapping around you both like a comforting embrace, swirling around his wounds and making him hiss and tense in response.

Once you reached your place, you settled him gently onto the soft bed, the contrast of the plush sheets against his still-sensitized skin making him shiver. You took a moment to admire him—his body marked with red welts, a testament to his surrender and bravery. “You did so well tonight, Cardinal,” you said softly, your voice filled with warmth. “You were incredible.”

Primo looked up at you, his eyes filled with a mix of gratitude and vulnerability, and you could see how much your praise meant to him. You moved to gather some supplies—a damp cloth, antiseptic, and a soothing ointment—to care for his wounds. As you returned, you knelt beside the bed, taking a moment to let your fingers gently trace the marks on his back.

“Every scar tells a story,” you murmured, meeting his gaze. “And tonight, you showed just how strong you are. I’m proud of you for getting His forgiveness, but I don’t want you to do this again, please. Not as a punishment. I’ll draw blood from you if you want but nothing justifies this as a genuine punishment.”

He sighed softly, the tension in his body beginning to ease as you cleaned the wounds with gentle, careful movements. Each brush of your fingers against his skin elicited soft gasps from him, and you could see the way he surrendered to your touch, allowing you to take care of him.

“Such a good boy,” you praised again, applying the ointment with tenderness.

Primo’s cheeks flushed at your words, and you couldn’t help but smile. He seemed to glow under your attention, his vulnerabilities transforming into strengths. “You’re beautiful, you know that?” you added, leaning closer to press a soft kiss on his shoulder. “Inside and out.”

As you finished tending to his wounds, you took a moment to let your hands linger on his skin, relishing the connection between you. “You deserve to feel safe, to be cared for,” you whispered, your gaze steady on his. “And I’ll always be here to take care of you, Primo.”

He nodded slowly, the weight of your words sinking in. “Thank you,” he breathed, his voice a soft whisper filled with emotion. “For everything.”

You smiled at him, feeling a swell of warmth in your chest. “No need to thank me. It’s my pleasure to care for you. You’ve given me so much already, and I want to give you the same in return.”

As you settled in beside him, the atmosphere shifted—filled with tenderness and a deep sense of understanding. In that moment, you knew you would protect him, nurture him, and help him explore the delicate balance between pain and pleasure, both in and out of the shadows.

Prev./Next

[thesensteawitch]

What Change Is Coming Toward You? 🍀🧹✨

Pick A Pile Reading

(Left To Right- Pile 1, Pile 2, Pile 3)

Hello, Senstea SOULS!

This is a collective reading with written and an audio message which you'll find at the end of this blog. So take what resonates and claim this reading in the comments!🫶🏻

Also, feel free to DM me if you wish to book a TAROT READING WITH ME !✨

BOOKING FORM • RATE CARD • TIP MY BLOG

Take a deep breath before you start reading.🪄

Pile 1

A drastic shift of energy is happening in your life. It seems you felt really stuck in a connection. You've thought of everything when it comes to this person. All possible scenarios have been exhausted. It was a tough way to come out of something until you had nothing left to give. But it's over now. Suddenly the energy will shift from you having nothing to everything. Luck is on your side, especially when it comes to finding love in the area of your life you most desire. You seem to be having zero hope toward finding the one. But something positive is happening behind your back (in your favor), which will surprise you. Keep wondering what it could be, but it's going to be better than you ever imagined.

You may be seeing numbers- 1010, 222, 11

In the END of this blog you can find the audio message about how you will feel after the change enters your life and what signs you will see as a confirmation.🫶🏻 (Time Stamp- 00:00)

Pile 2

You're about to begin a new journey. The path that was meant to be walked by you is now ready to be explored. You've always wanted something more out of life. There was a feeling of emptiness within you. Without meaning, you do nothing. You're about to find the emotional fulfillment and the deepest meaning in something that you are about to pursue in your path ahead. It's going to be magical, vast, and mysterious. Expect to live in the enchanting world that you once thought existed when you were a kid. A lot of mind-blowing ideas will be sent to you by the universe. You're centered and grounded to receive the downloads from the universe without any blockage. You'll now realize why it was necessary for you to be alone. Why were you kept away from people? Because only you can realize your purpose. God wanted you to be in the quiet so that you could listen to the purpose of your life. Your vision is expanding.

You may be seeing numbers- 555, 3939, 111, 333.

In the END of this blog you can find the audio message about how you will feel after the change enters your life and what signs you will see as a confirmation.🫶🏻 (Time Stamp- 1:19)

Pile 3

You've been waiting for your life to change. I feel there's an opportunity right around the corner, and you know it. But you don't know if it's really that good as it claims it to be. You're juggling between two thoughts, jobs, or wishes. You're trying to keep your balance, not letting your hopes high. You're in self-delusion. Your mind is playing tricks with you. What is coming towards you is going to give you the epitome of success or happiness. Until now you have been struggling to make your ends meet (be it in love or finances), and suddenly you will be surprised to see the amount of fortune this new opportunity is going to give you. Don't try to sabotage your success. You deserve it. You were living your life for less than what you deserved. Thinking won't help you. Just listen to your intuition and let this opportunity come to you. You're about to be blessed. Your intuition knows what's coming towards you, but your mind wants to keep you safe by sending false messages. It seems you'll be receiving two blessings.

You may be seeing Numbers- 1010, 234, 432

In the END of this blog you can find the audio message about how you will feel after the change enters your life and what signs you will see as a confirmation.🫶🏻 (Time Stamp- 2:20)

Here is the AUDIO MESSAGE!⭐🌈

[eamour]

loa · regulations

in this post, i'd like to once again give you an overview of the principles and postulates that emerge from the law of assumption. it's helpful to be reminded of these whenever you lose focus and need to get back to the basics!

rules

rules listed from a to z

consciousness is the only reality · things can only exist within your consciousness. there is no past, no future. there is only what you are aware of in this given moment determining your reality.

assumptions harden into fact · an assumption, though false, if persisted in, will become factual and materialise aka appear in your physical world.

creation is finished, infinite realities exist · anything you can desire has already been created. this leads to an infinite amount of realities and thus states that exist that you can choose from.

everybody is you pushed out · all the people around you reflect assumptions you have about them and about yourself. they are messengers telling you who you are.

feeling is the secret · you manifest through feeling. feeling, here, refers to the feeling of knowing things to be true. therefore, what you know to be true, manifests into your life.

imagination creates reality · whatever you accept to be true has to be physically projected. the mental acts you perform in your mind predict the appearance of the outer world.

no one to change but self · you can only change yourself and the world if you change yourself. the outer world depends on your inner world and cannot change on its own as it has no creative power.

self must be expressed · whatever you identify with and claim to be true of yourself has to be materialised in the physical world.

signs follow, they do not precede · signs, as in evidence of your growing belief in your desired outcome, can only follow after you have started to change your belief, not before.

with love, ella.

[kaurwreck]

pm!dazai didn't abuse akutagawa. he reacted proportionately to the threat akutagawa posed to himself.

when dazai smacks akutagawa around in canon, they're running drills. dazai is not hitting him in misdirected anger or because he is venting his own suffering on him. akutagawa does not instinctually protect himself. in his fits of hyperviolence, he seeks to kill and be killed, and nearly is in beast, and in the course of his initial pursuit of atsushi.

he does not have the reflex or will or instinct to defend himself, and he is slow because he is having to consciously process the effort. his automatic reflex is to attack, but that will not stop him from being shot or overwhelmed or blindsided.

what they are doing in those scenes, what dazai is uniquely able to practice with him since rashomon can't pierce him, is not unlike cognitive behavioral therapy interventions. akutagawa is wired such that when he is triggered, he develops tunnel vision, pressing forward relentlessly without registering danger or responding to negative stimuli. this is a pattern developed from when he deemed dearh inevitable, and one which is liable to get him killed regardless of whether he has a reason to live.

he needs to consciously retrain his instinctual response, and he has to consciously and consistently reinforce it against his existing, much quicker instinct. he has to do it before he has the conviction or will to do it. and he has to do it over and over again, even when it isn't immediately life or death, because the instinct is self reinforcing, and the pattern he is trying to supplant it with is not yet.

skills are part of their users' framework for responding to their environment. jun'ichiro is anxious, but he can hide within light snow. kunikida has his notebook, but it has rigid limitations that he adapts to, similarly to how he works within the limitations of reality to keep from becoming consumed by his ideals.

akutagawa's skill, meanwhile, is wildly fucking disproportionate to akutagawa's constitution which is a problem when akutagawa wont react defensively. akutagawa is canonically frail, chronically ill, thin, and short (he's 5'8", but asagiri insists he's itty bitty every time he describes him in prose). rashomon, meanwhile, is monstrously powerful and hungry. it lends a false sense of untouchable violence when akutagawa himself is weak, and also is just really difficult to focus and control such that using it brings akutagawa into coughing fits. rashomon is also terrifying even in visage; it invites others to react with violence proportionate to their terror against the spectre of rashomon — but akutagawa is small, sick, and human; what is proportionate to rashomon is IMMENSE overkill if aimed at akutagawa. which is especially egregious because akutagawa will let them.

in other words, when dazai meets akutagawa, rashomon is as dangerous to its user as to anyone else. skills should not get their users killed. dazai is right. it's a shit skill.

akutagawa is vulnerable and self-destructive, and he and dazai are working to rewire his instinctual evaluation of his stakes. even when dazai punches akutagawa after akutagawa kills the mimic soldier, it's not a random act of violence or unregulated anger. the mimic soldier was not going to lead them to gide, there was no reality where they restrained him before he bit his cyanide, and he'd attacked dazai. but instead of reacting defensively at the opportunity, akutagawa fell to the former instinct, leaving himself wide open.

dazai reacts how he does because:

they are supplanting an ingrained instinct that is self reinforcing, the correction needs to be consistent to change the pattern and the former instinct needs to be discouraged with the same severity as the threat it poses;

by punching akutagawa first, dazai gave him notice and time to consciously muster the defense reaction theyre working on;

akutagawa needs to build an association between the defensive reaction and the triggering stimulus for this to work;

the context in which this happens is the exact sort of threat that rashomon is then ill equipped to handle— gide can see into the future, like oda, and mimic are military trained gunmen.

when dazai tells akutagawa that he couldn't ever defeat oda, he's not taunting him, he's right. akutagawa is relying on swift killing blows, but against someone who can see into the future, akutagawa is as vulnerable as a baby. and then, shortly after, that's what happens: gide wrecks his shit and is about to murder him dead when oda swoops in to grab dazai's dumb horrible baby kouhai who's trying to kill himself with the ambitious gusto of a horse.

as long as akutagawa fails to seek self-preservation, he is remarkably vulnerable. he's weak, and he's going to get himself killed. dazai doesn't coddle him about it for the same reason fukuzawa slaps ranpo for scampering into a police car with a murderer. you dont get praise for self endangerment.

dazai is not going to affirm a version of akutagawa that is trying to kill the boy dazai promised to save.

***

(also, this explains why akutagawa hates taking baths and being without his coat. dazai tried to instill in akutagawa the vigilance to register danger. in his absence, akutagawa strove to be worthy of demanding his approval by diligently practicing. but he's dazai's dumb baby kouhai who. takes things too far lmao.)

[nakedbibi333]

Assumptions Harden Into Fact - Neville Goddard

In this lecture, Neville discusses how assumptions or beliefs are the basis of the law of assumption. He uses stories from the Bible that talk about manifestation “between you, the sleeping one, the deeper you, and the conscious waking you” otherwise known as the subconscious and the conscious minds. 

“Concentrate your attention upon the idea of identifying yourself with your ideal. Assume you are already that which you seek and your assumption, though false, if sustained, will harden into fact.”

Creation is finished

“There is nothing to be that is not now. There is nothing to be created for all things are already yours, they are all finished.”

What you desire already exists within consciousness. You cannot imagine something if it is impossible, because the brain cannot create something that does not exist. Anything you can imagine already exists and therefore can manifest in the physical world.

“Your dimensionally greater Self has ways that the lesser, or three-dimensional you, know not of.”

Your inner man knows exactly how to bring your desires to fruition, you do not need to take any action or try to figure out how it will manifest physically.

You only need to assume that it is yours in order to manifest it, nothing else.

“Although man may not be able to stand physically upon a state, he can always stand mentally upon any desired state.” 

Even if you are not currently experiencing your ideal physical world, you can always access your ideal life through imagination.

“Remain in the mental state defined as your objective until it has the feeling of reality, and all the forces of heaven and earth will rush to aid its embodiment." 

As long as you persist in your fulfilled desires, it will manifest.

“In my Father’s house are unnumbered concepts of self”

You will never deplete the world of your desires, because they are infinite. 

There are an infinite amount of states you can occupy, so mentally prepare that state you desire to dwell in and then occupy it.

SATS

Neville calls SATS a “controlled waking dream”

The wish fulfilled should be achieved with minimal effort.

Experience the imaginal act that implies the fulfillment of your desire and the feeling of the wish fulfilled will come as long as you fully immerse yourself within this act.

Do not force the feeling, allow it to envelop you naturally.

“Know what you want. Then construct a single event, an event which implies fulfillment of your wish. Restrict the event to a single act.” or you can use the lullaby method, by reducing the fulfillment of your desire to a short and simple phrase. 

“Just relax and enter into the feeling of actually being what you want to be.” 

Don't overcomplicate or stress yourself out by wondering if you're doing it "right." It does not need to be super detailed. 

As long as what you are doing is implying to you that your wish is fulfilled, then you are doing it right.

“Refuse to enter into conversations that are unlovely, refuse to listen attentively to anything that tears down.” 

Do not pay attention to the 3D when it tries to show you things that do not align with your wish fulfilled. Ignore it and remember that the true reality is consciousness and what you experienced in imagination is the only truth there is

Neville in most of his lectures uses stories from the bible that he believes explain, in an allegorical way, how to manifest. In this lecture, he discusses 4 different stories. I've broken down the most important points from those stories for clarity purposes. It may be easier to understand if you read the stories side by side with these notes.

The story of Pilate and the crucifixion of Jesus and Passover

“For desire is to confess that you do not now possess what you desire, and because all things are yours, you rob yourself by living in that state of desire”

“I cannot have and still continue to desire what I have. I may enjoy it, but I cannot continue wanting it”

This is another example of double-mindedness, or serving two masters (see previous lecture post). You cannot desire something you already have.

“Man is incapable of passing over from one state of consciousness into another unless he releases from consciousness that which he now entertains, for it anchors him where he is”

You must die to the old state in order to pass over to the new state. 

You cannot stay the same (with the same beliefs and thoughts) and also enter a new state. You must completely leave the old you behind and become your desired self.

Let go of previous beliefs that hinder you from fully entering your new beliefs.

“If at this very moment you have an unfulfilled ambition, then you are entertaining that which denies the fulfillment of the ambition, and that which denies it is Barabbas.” 

If you have a desire that you have not fulfilled within yourself, the only person denying the fulfillment of that desire is you. 

“You must now become identified with the ideal that you would serve, and you must remain faithful to the ideal.”

“You walk in the consciousness of being that which you want to be, no one sees it as yet, but you do not need a man to roll away the problems and the obstacles of life in order to express that which you are conscious of being.”

Release your old state (your old self) and replace that with your new state (your desired or ideal self)

Neville says that you will know that you changed your state when you look mentally at the people you know and notice a change in relationship. 

“We must imagine that others see us as they would see us were we what we desire to be”

If you successfully changed self, others will see you differently, they will see you as you desire to be seen.

Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane

The purpose of Neville explaining this story is to talk about the meditative state that you prepare in your mind before engaging in SATS or the lullaby method.

The garden is your “prepared mind” a calm, still state of mind in which you are drowsy and near sleep (basically SATS)

“All creation [...] takes place in the state of sleep, or that state which is akin to sleep”

In this garden, you die to your old conception of self and resurrect as your new ideal state.

Let go of your previous self-concept and create a new one and completely embody that.

Book of Joshua

Your consciousness has created everything you have. 

You do not stop manifesting, and you never “began” manifesting. You have always created the life around you. 

You can have all you desire, as long as you experience it in consciousness and believe that it is yours. 

“You are functioning three-dimensionally and you cannot seem to reach the fourth-dimensional world where your present desire is already a concrete objective reality. You cannot seem to reach it because your senses bar you from it. Reason tells you it is impossible, all things round about you tell you it is not true.”

Your inability to grant reality upon imagination and placing too much emphasis on conditions, reason, and the physical world is keeping you from experiencing the true fulfillment of all your desires. Since you believe it is impossible, you have made it so.

Rahab

No one can see your internal world, no one can see your imagination. 

“You have within you the capacity to appropriate a state without knowing the means that will be employed to realize that end and you assume the feeling of the wish fulfilled without having any of the talents that ment claim you must possess in order to do so.”

“Satisfy self by appropriating the feeling that you are what you want to be”

However, you seem to notice that the physical you is not satisfied until it comes to be, until it’s physically manifested.

The Sabbath: “the state when man is completely unmoved in his conviction that the thing is. When I can assume the feeling of my wish fulfilled and go to sleep, unconcerned, undisturbed, I am at rest mentally, and am keeping the Sabbath” (persisting)

Circumstances will work themselves out, barriers will be moved, and countless events will happen in order to make your desire real in the physical world.

You will never lose your ability to manifest, it will always be yours.

The Book of Numbers

Man is the temple of god and man’s imagination is the well from which all things grow.

“Assume the feeling of the wish fulfilled and go to sleep in this mood”

“The sensation which dominates the mind of man as he falls asleep, though false, will harden into fact.”

Neville believes that this sensation before sleep (the state akin to sleep or SATS) is the way that the conscious man can access the subconscious mind easiest. Falling asleep to an imaginal act (or lullaby - affirmations such as “isn’t it wonderful”) that implies the fulfillment of your desire is how you manifest.

“But we have a living tabernacle wherein God dwells [man is the temple of God], and it is covered with a cloud which can and does ascend when we go to sleep or are in a state akin to sleep [man can use imagination to access consciousness and become that which he desires]. Not necessarily in two days, it can ascend in two minutes. Why did they give you two days? If I now become the man I want to be, I may become dissatisfied tomorrow. I should at least give it a day before I decide to move on.”

Persistence is important because the outer world (conditions, reason, etc) can influence us to falter sometimes. We must return to the wish fulfilled when this happens and continue to be faithful to that.

[celestialtarot11]

How to reach your higher self according to Esoteric Astrology 💻💗

Hi friends! Welcome back to another post 🧿🪬 Today we’re looking at your Sun sign to see how you can reach your higher self. Enjoy! Please like comment and reblog to spread the love 🎉

First of all, why the Sun? Contrary to what modern astrology may present, in Esoteric Astrology the sun is meant to be tamed, not necessarily boosted. The sun represents the personality, the 3D self conditioned by opinions, narratives, and constructs created by other people.

Check your sun sign below ⬇️

Aries sun 🍵- Since Aries in esoteric astrology is seen as the rule setter, the creator of conditions, and also breaking that, in order to reach your highest potential you have to transcend the past versions of yourself. Transcending the versions of you that were created out of fear and survival is the utmost important. Aries also represents duality by the horns, the depiction of Aries is a bull or ram. This duality of Aries is spirit and physical matter. Aries can easily find themselves frustrated with the spiritual world and physical world, navigating and struggling to balance the two can cause a separation from the higher self. For example, following what others think vs. the intuition. Doing something different than what the norm thinks. Aries is also a sign of death, even if it’s exalted in traditional astrology. It’s important for Aries to allow themselves to experience ego deaths. The reason being is this: Aries is also described as experiencing a purification process through fire, their personalty (ego) burning to the ashes to see the way ahead of them. The purification signifies the end of narratives, false perceptions, and constraints created by society.

Leo ☕️- The representation and experience of us in a non physical form. To get closer to your higher self, let go of the physical world and the burdens attached to your energy. Experience yourself as greater than your physical form, and capable of more than just physicality. The sun plays three roles. Corona (what we see of the sun physically in the world) the heart of the sun (develops heart and soul) and lastly the Core which sustains our higher development. When Leos look away from inner work is when they can struggle to get closer to their higher selves. It’s important they continue shadow work to actually shine, as no light can exist without shadow. Leos have a vast life experience as well, and their heart and soul are meant to transcend in this lifetime. They are much more than their fears and anxieties, and past. Shadow work is Leos key to their higher self. As deeply as Leos can get attached to their ego, they can go very deep into connecting with consciousness. Leos have to maintain their individuality aside the masses. Its important to their connection with their higher selves, maintaining boundaries, self worth & value. Leos are represented by the Lion-essentially an Empress. Lastly, Leo reached The Child state. The free, individualistic, and pure soul. Pure regardless of others, regardless of their past, regardless of their fears. They remain true to themselves everytime.

Sagittarius ⌛️- What is important to Sagittarius is connecting with their intuition. A lot of us know the bow and arrow is famous for representing this sign, but sometimes there is a Doe at the side of the warrior. That Doe represents the seed of intuition, the subconscious, and the receiver. To get closer to your higher self get comfortable with receiving messages from your intuition, trusting your inner compass, and the path even if there are unknowns. Sagittarius can block out intuition to remain focused on the physical realm, and this leads to a blockage within themselves. So it’s important in this lifetime they allow themselves to feel safe enough to listen to themselves. Sagittarius benefits from having clear goals on what they want to focus on spiritually to grow, for example, meditation to help access their inner child once a week. Once they have their eyes set on what they need to heal, Sagittarius opens the doorway for greater awareness. Its also important they keep seeing opportunities for healing within the dark. Circumstances or situations may not be what they expected, but there is a lesson gained, a milestone gained, awareness gained, or self love gained. There is always abundance no matter what. A chance to grow again.

Libra 🌹- Balance. Inner harmony and ease. Shadow work to reach the light, and experiencing the light. Balance with spirituality and practicality. Seeing the facts and embracing intuition. Libra is represented by a flower, when the flower is shut it can’t receive, light and proper nutrients. When the flower opens and eases, Libra can receive intuitive downloads and embrace the spotlight. Contemplation is also another way to connect with your higher self. Avoidance of sitting down with yourself can cause separation with the higher self. The mind shouldn’t be neglected here entirely, rather, working with the mind in balance can help the journey. Overthinking suggests intuition needs to be present. Release the need to dominate, win, compete, and have a sense of control. To get to your higher self is to realize there is no competition required to meet yourself. Your mind can take you back to the familiar old ways, but the intuition will hold you and guide you. There is a need to follow a slow evolution and to slowly reach a point of equilibrium. Libras growth is not meant to be a fast paced, fiery journey. Rather a slow and steady process.

Aquarius 🌺- As seen, Aquarius is the water bearer usually balancing water and a cup. This represents constant duality and the transmutation of the subconscious. To get closer to your higher self, transmute and alchemize your wounds, fears into self love and acceptance. Work with the ego and soul to create mutual tolerance to benefit from healing. Allowing yourself to find your community is important to connect to your higher self. Recognize what you want to see around you, internally and externally, and what isn’t creating that currently. Remove what isn’t changing for the better. Jupiter is the esoteric ruler of Aquarius, so expanding awareness of oneself is important to Aquarius’s journey. Selfless and unconditional acceptance is important to creating and sustaining a connection with one’s higher self. Jupiter in Aquarius even in traditional astrology can represent this. It can also signify spiritual development and intuitive downloads, so letting oneself experience this can help the native feel guided and inspired. In esoteric astrology, the moon is also seen as the hierarchical ruler of Aquarius. The subconscious, the wounding, and the things that keep us safe. When those sides of us control us and want our attention, and we are incapable of meeting it, it can be detrimental. Look to the subconscious parts to see what is still controlling you or taking the drivers seat in your life.

Gemini 🌟- It is important to actually allow your higher self to speak to you and make itself known. Listening to its divine knowledge over constructive narratives that have kept others safe is important. It’s important to surround yourself with those who are in touch with their spirituality and live in their truth. Allowing yourself to speak your truth and divinely be guided in that is going to help your connection to your higher self. In greek mythology, Paracelsus says, “making commitment with determined resolution is difficult.” For Air signs what will help is consistency in truth, practicing truth and staying disciplined can help a lot. This helps the acceleration of getting closer to one’s soul, and therefore creating a connection with their higher self. Releasing resistance towards internal truth will help the native move forward in their life and connection with the higher self. Once we are open to the truth and practice what we preach, we fully let go of our own judgement and resistance. Letting go of fears related to your higher self is also important. Your higher self will not abandon nor create abandonment. Whatever falls apart is a natural consequence of inner healing.

Taurus 🌴- Attachment to desires can cause a separation with the higher self. It’s easy to think physical factors can fix whats going on internally, but the higher self encourages that we need only our soul. Taureans need to build stability and strength within themselves. They may look externally for relationships, friendships, community which is absolutely a necessity. But when they rely on it is where Taurus limits themselves. Their best relationships is with themselves. Take the time to pursue yourself and focus on a healthy relationship internally, especially with your higher self. In esoteric astrology, when Taurus does the inner work and transmutes their ego, they activate Vulcan as a planet. Vulcan helps illuminate shadows, brings healing and clarity. In fact, Taureans have immense will power and strength and they tap into that when they work on themselves. To get closer to your higher self, remember only you can set yourself free and limit yourself.

Capricorn 🌹- This sign is symbolized by a half goat/fish. This sign is not completely earthy, its watery intuition helps bring balance to its strict, structured and disciplined nature. Building trust and inner respect for your intuition will help you foster a better connection to your higher self. Part of the connection with your higher self isn’t fully meant to be logically understood. It’s an intuitive feeling your body produces that brings a level of balance. In esoteric astrology, the sign of Capricorn represents the full balance of heart and head, although the two may disagree, part of reaching your higher self is to balance these qualities. Accept the unknowns your mind may create, and your higher self will still guide you regardless of those unknowns. Build inner structure within yourself. It’s important to release the confines of your own mind and dive into the spiritual unknown, and practice an open mind. There is no structure when it comes to intuition, and no limit. It has no physicality, but it does communicate through your body and senses.

Virgo 💗- Release the idea of self perfection and mastery. In order to get closer to your higher self, it’s important to accept that this is not necessarily a destination but a journey, and there are no means to an end. You cannot master something that is still unfolding continuously. Release the grip of the physical, although it presents facts in front of you, its not all there is. To get closer to your higher self, its important to recognize that both shadow and light play a role in your healing. Virgo in esoteric astrology is all about blending duality, oneness, and creation. Creating light from understanding the shadow. Virgo in esoteric astrology is associated with motherly love and care, it’s important to heal mother wounds and allow yourself to receive guidance from the spirit realms, even if we don’t understand it fully. Know it is there for you and still accepts you. Work on the wounds relating to the mother, and nurture your inner child. The time needed to heal your relationship with yourself, and to create a relationship with your higher self will take the time it needs. Allow it to bloom. Make room for your soul to be born. Virgo is also represented as knowledge being put into synthesis or action, spreading and sharing. Share to yourself this vast spiritual healing and you’ll reap the benefits. Let healing be your mission, liberation your reward.

Scorpio 🌟- The relationship you have to your higher self is almost always near, throughout your trails and tribulations in life. Accepting the reorientation of your soul (lessons, truths, healing wounds and releasing the ego) can help you foster a better relationship with your higher self. In esoteric astrology scorpio is the sign of initiation, the souls opening, the beginning and ending. Work on opening to your higher self, and allowing your higher self to reveal to you all that has been hidden through pain and suffering. Working with your higher self can actually being harmony through conflict, as in esoteric astrology Scorpio’s 4th ray passes through harmony. This allows for consciousness, awareness and mindfulness in newer relationships. Even in oneself. Once you tap into the devotion you have for yourself, being with your higher self will begin to make a lot of sense as your higher self has the same for you. It wants simply the best and better for you all of the time. See the passion in standing up for the past parts of you, see the passion in choosing you over and over. Go back to your higher self for guidance on how to give yourself a better experience by being a better you.

Pisces ✨- Rejuvenation and rest is the way to meet your higher self. Find a way to tune out all the noise (ego, distraction, constructs made by others) and listen to yourself. Get to know yourself behind the filter and projections placed by others. Hold yourself in the most rawest and vulnerable states. As depicted by the two fish, one is life, the other is death. Subconscious and conscious. Forever the two dance together, so its important to realize having your higher self is the balance to your life. You spend so much time in the subconscious of others, absorbing wounds. Your higher self is the consciousness waiting to bring balance. Pisces in esoteric astrology is about letting the ego go, all of its attachments, personas, facades, dependencies. Finding true and real meaning in yourself. Fall back and trust your higher self (your other half) to guide you. The ego cannot survive in the healing of the soul. Know this and continue the journey. By finding the balance internally, your external will shift gradually. Give back to yourself.

Cancer 💫- Your higher self holds a ton of old age knowledge, so it’s important to be open minded to this information. Tradition may be important to you, it isn’t for no reason. In a way, when you pay homage to those traditions/knowledge, you give to your higher self. To your ancestors essentially. Cancers ray in esoteric astrology passes through intelligence. With your emotional and spiritual intelligence, your higher self is channeled through you. Let yourself learn about the deep nature of your feelings, the expression of it all. Turn it into psychological knowledge for yourself and others. Your higher self is apart of your family, it is part of your foundation and self support. Receive its guidance. The more you heal and discover yourself, your planetary ruler in esoteric astrology Neptune will heighten your consciousness. Your depth, awareness and magnitude makes you resilient and intelligent. Neptune also dissolves issues in the solar plexus the more you heal. You self confidence and trust within yourself heightens when you follow your gut, and build a healthy relationship with your higher self. Meditation, journaling, mindfulness, will help a lot in connecting to your higher self.

Thank ya’ll for reading! Its very much appreciated. Please comment, like and reblog for support 🌹✨ your feedback is appreciated!

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