#EXCEPT!!! i cant log in. bc im already logged in. but no im not
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what if You wanted to "post on kofi", but Kofi said "log in"
#im. Im Already Logged In. what more do you want from me#i click log in. it tells me im logged in. i click to my page. it tells me to log in#HUH????#i act like this is new! this has been going on! for A While!#but i've just now decided to publicly bitch about because im. well i want to! who am i if not a Complainer!#LET ME POST. MY ART. THERE.#YA LIL FUCKER!#let me innnnn LET ME INNNN#absolutely unprompted#it also Bugged The Fuck Out when i tried to sign in#and it was like 'ouuuuughhhhhh your password is wronnggggg reset it'#ok. Ok. i'll reset it#and then kofi showed me my 'old' password and it was THE EXACT SAME THING I HAD BEEN TYPING IN. TIME AND TIME AGAIN.#who do i have to maim! huh! WHO!#point me at a jugular i can rip out with my teeth!#kofi: this is what you can do. log in or tip yourself#EXCEPT!!! i cant log in. bc im already logged in. but no im not#i ask kofi Am I Logged In and it says 'well yes. but actually no'#you know! this goes right in line with how my life has gone so far! this is very On Brand!#i dont know how i do it#but i manage to fuck things up in new never before seen ways! i genuinely consider it a Skill!
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behold! the 2nd gen, the first offsprings of mano (don't mind the clutter they're living in- they made it their home so they could hide and stay safe from the enemies lmao)
there were five of them- the ones mano hid in our veranda lol. sadly, two of them died when they were a few days old and these 3 lived and made home here :')
our next door neighbours had one daughter but she had severe asthma so she couldn't really go out. they had a big garden and we made a little house for these cats there and they always made sure the cats had food and shelter. so the cats would switch homes sometimes they'd hang out at mine, get bored and then jump over the wall to the neighbour and it was always fun bc atp, both of us had parrots too so we were training the cats not to mess with the parrots (mine was a feisty african grey, hers was those little birdies lol)
oreo (the one who's winking) and whiskers (the cat at the back) stuck around. the third (traitor) left lmao. whiskers was a girlie and would have kids later on which i'll introduce later, but she'll also have more siblings hehe
by the time both mano and whiskers had kids, there were at least 10 cats total that hung around in our area. the backyard was my true home now lol and whenever i came back from school, i would go chill there and let the cats play with me (they would jump on me, scratch me affectionately, rest on my lap or shoulder, or just judge me from a corner lmao).
sometimes at night i would hear them fighting and yowling and since i'm a very light sleeper i would rush outside to shoo away the enemy cat that never warmed up to us lol it was an ugly cat ngl i never took photos of him but his face is fresh in my memory💀 street cats got issues man idk why the fighting every other night lmao
i'm logging off for two weeks from tmrw so i'll come with more tales when i return! i'll tell you about my cat allergy lore and hopefully find better pics hehe. hope you're having fun at home and are well!
love, yumi <3
HI YUMI IK U'VE PROB ALREADY LOGGED OFF BUT HOPE U HAVE A LOVELY TWO WEEKS !!! thank u for the 2nd gen of cats 😭😭
the three of them are sooo so cute in that photo 😭😭 like their coloring is everything to me and OREO THE WINK A CHARMER, TRULY jefnkenfj and whiskers looks so silly (affectionate) in the back there, like so adorable 🤧😭
awh im so glad that they all felt so safe between u and ur neighbor's homes :'))) im sad that they lost two siblings (plus the third traitor 😔) but it seemed they had a great home w u !!! RAAAAH to have kittens be so affectionate and loving w me <//3 OMG 10 CATS IN THE AREA IS KINDA CRAZY ??? all of this sounds like such an adventure tho like wah what a lovely time 😭 except for maybe the ugly street cat 💀 PLS DOES HE HAUNT UR DREAMS SKFNKDNFJR truly they do have issues (i say as if i have ever encountered a street cat LMAO)
also im glad u were training them to not mess w ur bird like cat-birb homies kinda sound rad
CANT WAIT FOR UR RETURN !!! thank u again for this hehe 😚
love, beam!! 💖
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stella maris reading log #1
its about damn time i start noting down how i feel when i read what i read. hell yeah. hopefully this makes me a better writer.
spoilers not really about the plot (bc honestly is there even a plot in the sense of a plot) but more about the language below the cut woooooo
tldr: book cool. writing insane. wtf. wtf. wtf. head ouchie. 越级打怪的后果就是头晕脑转 (dizziness is the consequence of attempting to read beyond my level). ooga booga man talk abt english
reading stella maris is so interesting because im just sitting here wondering like. how the FUCK did mccarthy accumulate all this knowledge about a variety of very distinct fields. my brain hurts. this is so much information. im learning nothing and learning everything at the same time. how the man managed to learn all this stuff and how he managed to put it together like this puzzle me equally intensely. its one thing to acquire knowledge. its a whole other thing to convey it in language so dense with information but also character. like, not to be that guy, but when osc does his infodumps i think to myself okay old man lets get you to bed. every time alicia opens her mouth i confront my intellectual inferiority and contemplate the meaning of life because it is alicia talking.
not to mention what the FUCK alicia. if only you’d have KNOWN. EUGH. WHAT. WHAT. WHAT.
my head hurts. the reason why im writing instead of reading is because ive already reached my reading breaking point where my eyes glaze over and the words go in one and out the other. its only been two hours. difficult language i can handle fine, verbosity is fine, i inhaled the ender stuff and only took breaks when osc pissed me off, but stella maris is information overload in a way that i’ve never experienced before. im like, texting three separate people all the time. oh i should vet this w my math guy. i need to show this to my psych classmate. this has to go to my orthopedics bestie.
i started this book saw the page number and went oh sure. its half the length of the passenger. the style means that it’ll contain less words overall too. i should be able to finish this on a three hour hsr ride. WRONG. i CANT. it’s TOO DIFFICULT. im running into roadblocks very similar to what i felt when i read the passenger: dont know place/name/context/big word. except im finding stella maris to be even more difficult because unlike some nautical jargon or random place in the midwestern usa that i can just look up, i cant. i think its impossible to even begin to comprehend all this math.
that’s definitely part of the charm of stella maris. the format of audio transcripts creates a much more intimate connection between the characters and the reader. the target demographic of this novel, though niche, is definitely not as niche as to comprise only of genius mathematicians with a burning passion for music and a hatred of psychology. the reader might be a master in one of these fields, but alicia outsmarts them in it along with all others. viewed through this lens, the reader is the doctor. the reader is the one who converses with alicia, trying their best to piece together a mind that is so extraordinarily genius and extraordinarily tormented. it’s a position of emotional significance. the reader sits through these audio recordings because they want to understand alicia. and to understand alicia is to love her. (this is a certified when i truly understand my enemy i love him moment)
all of that sits in stark contrast to western’s narration in the passenger.
i wrote an entire paragraph but tumblr fucking ate it. im pissed. its ok. for love i’ll write it again.
western’s narration is detached. it’s impersonal. mccarthy’s clinical and direct use of language alienates the viewer and prevents the formation of any sincere rapport, allowing only mild sympathy for western’s continued suffering. the reader is merely an observer, piecing together the life of a strange, curious creature through inference and deduction. nor is the reader meant to empathize with him. he’s the one who chose to abandon alicia, the one reckless enough to chose race car driving over his degree, and therefore the one who shoulders alone the responsibility of alicia’s death—or so he thinks. in a sense, because western is comparatively lucid, the detached narration becomes almost a punishment for the guilt he’s assigned to himself. he’s not the one in the mental asylum, afterall.
its interesting to me how mccarthy presents this duo to the audience. i have many Thoughts on alicia’s sexuality and stuff but i should finish the book before i synthesize those thoughts. anyway. thanks for reading 👍
#stella maris#cormac mccarthy#kenon.notes#honestly i think at this point i should start a book blogging tag#hm#kenon.reads#it’s cringe but it will suffice#ok this turned into a thing about#the passenger#also#book reading#english#?????????#how do you tag this stuff#idk
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im rly upset beyond words bc the other day i logged into my old IG i had made for my cat before he tragically passed away a couple years ago. idk why but after logging in meta decided my account was spam and suspended it. i cant access it from any source as they have it "currently under review" and i had to submit a selfie? to prove im a human using it???? and now i fear the photos on that account are gone forever. photos of my cat i can never get back. i already do not use my own personal IG and havent since 2020... the times i pop in i use it on browser bc after reading their new terms in 2020 and all the data they mine i deleted the app from my phone. anyway. if they choose to permanently disable my cat's account, i will download all of my photos on my own account and delete forever. i cant even find the words to describe this feeling, except fuck meta and fuck instagram.
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man i dont wanna be that guy, but the skyblock wars thing on the legundo community server is so just. incredibly frustrating to play rn
like, disregarding my own wifi issues entirely, bc theyre a seperate ongoing problem, lapis is mostly composed of younger players and people with actual jobs and stuff, and then redstone has. every moderator except 1, and two of the best pvpers who literally like never log off.
im not gonna accuse mods of using mod perms to cheat, because i gen dont think they are, but speraking as someone who has experience on several servers being mod/build staff, it is functionally impossible to be without bias as a mob in a competitive setting, especially when its, yknow, every single mod except one versus a team mostly composed of 12 year olds. hell, one of our players is literally 8.
and. i mean it sucks. its not enjoyable to play anymore when the other team is making fun of us for things out of our control and the mods arent really doing anything about it bc its their teammates doing it. and then theres stuff like the cobble challenge, where their entire island was basically already stone brick from the start. im not saying its cause the mods knew that was gonna be the challenge, but i am saying im not ruling it out. and then we know the mods fly around occasionally, and yeah they tell us that its for actual mod purposes, and i believe them, but i also believe that if they were to notice some new builds or farms or whatever while they were they theyd 100% mention it to their team.
and again, even disregarding that, even if im just off my rocker and everything ive noticed as unfair and upsetting is just in my own brain, theres the fact that the other team is gonna listen and respect the members of the mod staff more bc they have a real, tangible power over them, where as random children just arent gonna listen to syl even if they were the one voted in to be the leader. they gonna listen to a mod, but not another player. thats a real, tangible advantage they have.
i dont wanna say the mods cant also play the game and have fun, because they can! its totally possible to do smth like this and still let them play! but they need to be split up evenly between the teams or is gonna cause the issues we're currently having. no one on lapis is having fun or wants to play anymore really. poor syl has cried on call. i dont really care how many times people say its just a game. youre saying that because your team is winning, your team is tacked, your team has all the good pvpers and moderators. if lapis was in the lead youd be upset and i know it, because wth this new base quest that just finished you went and whined to ecr because hyper used an existing base on your island to win the quest. he asked ecr and got an explicit yes, and dino and justin ran to ecr about it and now we each got half a point, basically voiding the quest.
im glad yall are havin fun because no one else is. lmao
#pandora speaks#legs if you see this#one im sorry for how bitter and angry i sound. its because im bitter and angry and im sick of dealing with it#im not mad at you or your moderators im mad that the teams are insanely imbalanced (no ones fault we picked teams blindly) and that#redstone has been really rude about it#yes it is just a game but if on team is gonna be like that its not fun for anyone anymore yknow?#and theres no point in a game if only a few people have fun#i cant imagine myself wanting to continue playing if justin and dino and gonan keep being like this#and if we do this again in the future i think the mods should be evenly distributed or not play at all#im not being mean jsut speaking from the pov of someone whos been a mod i know it can be hard to keep your mod knowledge away from your#player knowledge at time. it can and will plit out without you thinking occasionally even if youre the best at keeping your mouth shut ykno#like with the cobble quest#sighs. i know this is coming across like im a sore loser. but like. yknow what maybe i am. but if we're gonna have every possible#disadvantage thrown at us while they have every possible advantage gifted to them i think i have the right to be bitchy
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intro post!!!
ㅤ🦷ㅤㅤ⏵ welcome to my blog !! ㅤㅤㅤmastiffㅤ⋆ㅤ7teenㅤ⋆ㅤhe it lycan this is my main blog! ill post about whatever i want here.
ㅤㅤ/ got loads of therapy, and it turns out i’m still a bitch. \
ㅤ📌ㅤㅤ⏵ abt me !!
ㅤㅤㅤ⇨ ㅤㅤ⋮ names ㅤ♯ㅤㅤ≻ㅤlukas, luke, mastiff, or any kin-related names + nicknames.
ㅤㅤㅤ⇨ ㅤㅤ⋮ pronouns ㅤ♯ㅤㅤ≻ he/him, it/its, lycan/lycans, mutt/mutts, fang/fangs, hy/hym, and any moon related emoji pronouns.
ㅤㅤㅤ⇨ ㅤㅤ⋮ gender ㅤ♯ㅤㅤ≻ transmasc, demiagender, and lots of xenos.
ㅤㅤㅤ⇨ ㅤㅤ⋮ sexuality ㅤ♯ㅤㅤ≻ gay, polyamorous (taken, not looking),
ㅤㅤㅤ⇨ ㅤㅤ⋮ interests ㅤ♯ㅤㅤ≻ㅤtaxidermy, vulture culture, digital art, writing, wolrdbuidling, canine poetry, dark aesthetics, dogs + canids in general, blood aesthetics (no real gore), goth, grunge, and alt. fashion, monitor lizards, sharks, snakes, beetles, supernatural creatures & fantasy settings/theming, infodumping (if u let me :3)
PLEASE TALK TO ME IF WE SHARE INTERESTS OH MY GOODNESS I LOVE TALKING ABOUT MY INTERESTS :3c....
btw i might edit this a lot over time,,, sry if its different each time u visit :>
ㅤ📌ㅤㅤ⏵ speaking of a dni...
ㅤㅤㅤ⇨ ㅤㅤ⋮ basic stuff ㅤ♯ㅤㅤ≻ㅤendos/non-traumagenics, proshitters + any other problematic shipping stuff, anti-therian/otherkin, racists + xenophobes, homophobes/transphobes + any exclusionists (terfs, transmeds, etc.), transids, rcta
ㅤ♯ㅤㅤ≻ㅤanti neopronouns/xenogenders, r/fakedisordercringe mfs (that entire subreddit is full of misinfo and is built on poorly-disguised albeism, dont even get me started) + and anyone that thinks children/teens cant possibly have a debilitating mental disorder and/or physical disability solely bc they arent adults.
ㅤ♯ㅤㅤ≻ㅤif u support certain therian creators such as Therian Territory, PDTherian, LycanTheory, and anyone associated with these people.
ㅤㅤㅤ⇨ ㅤㅤ⋮ personal specifications ㅤ♯ㅤㅤ≻ㅤtcc + sh/ed blogs. nothing against yall (mostly) those corners really do just trigger ocd & stress symptoms for me. this also includes if u use REAL gore for ur profile aesthetics. idc about blood but anything else expect to get blocked on sight.
ㅤ♯ㅤㅤ≻ㅤand anyone who associates with anyone that fits my dni/basic dni criteria in general. [ with certain subjects, there is a level of guilt by association if you choose to associate with bad people on purpose. only exception is manipulation/abuse cases obv. ]
ㅤ📌ㅤㅤ⏵ before you interact...
ㅤㅤㅤ⇨ ㅤㅤ⋮ important ㅤ♯ㅤㅤ≻ VERY anti-endo. free palestine + i stand with ukraine. passionate about my interests, kins, and theriotypes. WILL infodump if you let me. adhd, ocd, and pretty bad social anxiety - im trying my best but pls be patient (handle with care :,3). blunt/sarcastic way of speaking both in text and irl, will supplement with tone indicators only if asked.
ㅤㅤㅤ⇨ ㅤㅤ⋮ extra ㅤ♯ㅤㅤ≻ i block VERY freely on this site. if i see you are following certain accounts (especially those paraphilia [specifcally zoo] positivity accounts) i will block you for my own safety & mental health. i block for a reason, please do not evade just to ask why. pls just guess and call it a day.
thanks in advance :,3
ㅤ📌ㅤㅤ⏵ my links <3
https://listography.com/satyrwulves <- kinlist https://toyhou.se/viipertoxin <- view my ocs (must be logged in sorry </3) https://viipertoxin.carrd.co <- cleaner about me n shit https://rentry.co/caninekennel <- idk i just made it cuz everyone else was. it leads nowhere u havent already visited (i dont have a lot of accounts lol).
#.caninekennel <- for my posts. will create other tags eventually but this is mine for now :3c
#.caninekennel#endos dni#pinned intro#lgbtq#therian#alterhuman#aesthetic#therianthropy#otherkin#nonhuman#alterhuman community#about me#intro post#pinned post#proship dni#lycanthrope
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The worst part of having a suspicion that someone you love is turning into a crypto terf is that they are hiding their opinions behind little "harmless" statements on purpose and collecting evidence so you can confront them about it is a fucking insane thing to do
#captain's log#im v concerned but like#i have memory issues right?#so in the past when ibe tried to bring up concerns with friends lr family#theyve rightly asked me to give examples#which are pretty hard for me to remember#in my family's case they do that on purpose bc they know i cant remember#or they do this same thing where its seemingly harmless but it does hurt#so i cant even confront this person bc my brain is sending alarm bells out like you cant do this thisll end bad and if yheyre not already#alresdy there youre gonna tip them over the edge#i will say theyre a young white person bc that doesnt narrow down literally sny of my friends except a couple#but because of that they are like so primed to fall into this sort of rhetoric#and theres another thig which makes them even more so but that will narrow it down#and i dont want my suspicions getting bscl to them
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i miss k/enneth b/ranaugh
#when will he come back from war#i mean he cant fix all the bs the mc/u has done already but#and lbr all his new movies are... extremely better than anything the m/cu could#im being batty nobody take me seriously except for those who know how i feel abt certain things and knows whats true and what is not true#anyways when does d/eath on the nile come out @ kenneth im waiting#i mobily logged into this blog to shitpost basicallg#out.#writing will happen eventually my folks#most of my threads on here seem to either have been dropped or never comtinued so i have one to reply to rn#i’m probably gonna write w myself on my sideblog at some point just to get some ic going on here again#i had posted a started call and deleted it after 20 hours when nobody responded to reduce my self embarassment#and if anyone wants to rec. logs to me who might actually write w me pls do so#if anyone wants to write w me just like im me at this point bc im not gonna post another starter cal until i gain more followers tbh#its too embarassing to post starter calls rn cause nothing happens w them#granted more followers doesnt mean anything cause mally has 300+ and my starter calls are still largely ignored over there so#thus the writing w myself to ensure new content appears#this is why i get a lil bit sassy when ppl who receive even like 3 likes on any sc they post bitches abt ppl not writing w them#bc like youre getting at least three ppl who always wanna write w you. im getting nada. and even when i like scs like half of them i dont#get and the other half i reply to and the reply gets ignored so its like. idek im snarky sometimes. mostly rn bc im also out of pain meds#and my cycle got worse somehow so that happened#anyways im on mobile so lemme attempt bios since im privately posting them here but their links will be on my sideblog
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14 (bodyguard AU) and 46 (blind date) sounds fun,,, your choice of ship ( ˘ ³˘)♥ ( ˘ ³˘)♥ ( ˘ ³˘)♥
14. Bodyguard AU || 46. Blind date
Random choice generator got me creativisleep!
~
roman's a semi-popular actor- he's never really been to an awards show, and he's not been in That much, but he had a small but strong role in a real popular film and plenty of leading ones in lesser known movies. he's got enough of a following to be satisfied with himself, even if it isn't That huge of one
because of this, roman didn't take the possible dangers of his fame seriously... until he got jumped by one fan at a play in his hometown. he came out fine (he's always fine ;p) but it made him reconsider his choice to not have some sort of protection
he ends up hiring remy to be his bodyguard, a choice he Slightly starts regretting when he realizes remy, despite having excellent marks out of bodyguard school, is about as professional as a golden retriever
they take roman's food out of his fridge Whenever, borrow Way too many of his shirts (and roman hasn't seen his BMC 'boyf riends' hoodie since they got their hands on it), and is never in typical bodyguard wear (they wore a suit for the interview and never again)
but they also bring roman coffee (when did they get his regular figured out...?), talk to him like he's just a Person and not a celeb, and have yet to try and kill him themself so. roman's alright with them staying
(plus, is it so wrong if roman enjoys how they look? he deserves for a bit of an eye-candy sorta bodyguard, damnit, they're with him all the time after all)
remy's been with roman as his bodyguard for a few months when roman decides he cant just keep Lookin at a pretty person, he deserves to have a pretty person to kiss and cuddle with too!! so he pokes around for a bit, finds a non-homophobic service (he's pan, so he could Technically use a plain ol' straight service, but he refuses on gay principle), and uses it
idk how datin apps work but this one that im makin up is a blind match up app, which takes ur information and uses it to randomly pair u up with random accounts. the app keeps account info privated until After the first date has been gone on, to really maintain the 'blind match' aspect. the matched up people play a mini guessing game through the app about places they can go for a date until location and time is determined
roman likes the idea of the app mostly to keep his own identity secret as long as possible- he doesnt want people pickin his account Just bc he's a celeb, y'know?
the first couple of blind dates dont go well tho... most are nice people who roman just isn't compatible with, one was a straight woman who spent the entire date being Very homophobic despite roman's rainbow heart + pan flag pins, and someone who was clearly Too Much Of A Fan (remy had to physically pull them off of roman and help him escape the park before they could latch back on)
oh, did roman not mention? remy's been coming on all his dates with him
because of course they are! they need to protect roman! whether that's by eating dinner in the booth over or sitting two rows back at the cinema or awkwardly half-stalkin roman and his date while they walk about
so they're always there, to bring roman there and take him home, and listen when he complains about the bad matches and lament the almost-winners, and convince him he is a catch that needs to try again because eventually Someone will realize he really is too good to pass up
(remy always says that line in a weird way)
so he keeps trying... until roman has possibly the worst date ever
because he gets stood up. it's fifteen minutes past the scheduled date time, he's gotten no text explainin where they are, but he's sittin at the restaurant alone and starting to become rather upset by the pitying look the server gives him when he says he's still waitin on someone else before he orders
remy slides into the seat across from him at the 20 minute mark. shoots roman an apologetic smile that an outsider would mistake as a 'sorry im late' one when roman knows it's a 'sorry they didnt show' one
roman appreciates the gesture to save him, but he almost just wants to go home at this point. he's tired and bein stood up feels like Shit, actually, and he's about ready to call off the whole dating thing really, dramatic as that may be (like it's not his middle name)
but remy says smth about this place having really good sandwiches, and it's clear they're tryin so hard to help roman out here, even a little, and roman can't just dismiss that effort, so he picks up his menu again and orders smth and tries to ignore the way his face heats up just the slightest at the relieved smile remy flashes next
lunch with remy is great, actually, better than it would've been with whoever couldnt be bothered to show or apologize or Anything. remy even knows the way to an ice cream shop on the way home, sayin it's for roman's 'broken heart' as they pay for it
except, well... roman's heart isn't feelin so broken anymore
it's actually feeling pretty put together. really functional. functioning really fast. especially when roman's looking at remy. or when remy's lookin at roman. or when they smile. or when they laugh. or when they speak. or when they-
roman doesn't fall asleep until 2am that night, heart still racing a bit, screaming into his pillow a bit as he acknowledges he is wholly and totally head-over-heels for his bodyguard
he tells remy the next day he's done with dating for a bit, saying he's still upset over being stood up. he doesn't mention that it's also bc remy's ruined all other people for him
things try to fall back in routine from there, but it's a bit harder when roman's trying to not be so in love with someone who just works for him. and remy's definitely started pickin up on it too- they had asked him just last if he was okay, that he didn't seem as upset by remy takin his clothes anymore, and that didn't seem like him, was he getting sick?
the opposite, actually, absolutely nothing makes me feel better then seeing you walk around in my shirt or jacket or whatever else, please never stop and also kiss me?
roman just said he was tired
eventually... roman decides this can't keep going on. remy's giving him more weird looks these days, and roman is pretty sure being around remy so much without Any kisses is starting to cause brain decay (it's not, it's really not, remy always bein on his mind is just a side effect of.... pretti........). so, he takes matters into his own hands
admittedly, maybe firing remy wasn't the best way to go, given remy immediately demands to know why, what they did wrong, even asking if roman's being blackmailed into this
"blink once for yes, twice for no" remy asks, lowering the sunglasses they always have on to look directly at roman's eyes
roman doesn't blink for a full minute. he might not be breathing for that minute either. has he ever seen remy's eyes this close? has he ever seen them at all? they're such a brilliant shade of brown. roman could drown in them. he might be already
roman's pretty sure he started this conversation standing up, but maybe not, because when he finally blinks and remembers things outside of remy's eyes exist he's sitting down and remy looks extremely concerned
"okay... what's wrong, hun?" they ask, and oh no, they look so sad, and worried, and that's not good, roman should fix that right now, regardless of whatever he was doing before (he's forgotten)
"im gay" he responds intelligently. this will fix everything
remy, however, just looks confused. "yes?"
"for you" roman adds, helpfully, sure that Now remy will understand they're just really very pretty and nothing's wrong and if they feel bad still they should look in a mirror because then they'll be good again
now it's remy's turn to sit in silence, expression frozen in one of shock. they still havent put their sunglasses back on, so roman doesnt mind, bc this gives him more time to stare at remy's eyes
"you're having a breakdown because you're gay for me???" remy finally asks, expression unfreezing to look incredulous and a little hurt
roman returns a similar look. "im not having a breakdown!"
remy scoffs. "yeah, sure, right, that's why you suddenly froze and completely stopped breathing and minorly collapsed after i... look off my shades to look at you..." they suddenly break out in a smirk. "oh my gods, you're a gay disaster"
roman doesn't try to deny it, especially with the knowledge he apparently did stop breathing to admire remy's eyes. they have a point
"how long?"
"since that date you hijacked after i got stood up" roman admits. he finds it extraordinarily rude when remy starts laughing
...until they're pulling out their phone, hurriedly opening up the exact same dating app roman had been using, showing a log of all the dates they had planned- there's only one marked as having actually been attended
same date time and place of the one where roman had assumed he had been stood up
"you broke my heart!" roman says as remy puts away their phone, over-dramatically, not actually giving a damn, just feeling gay and a bit giddy at the thought remy hadnt gone to any of the other dates, just theirs
no longer worried quite as much about roman for the moment, remy's smirk just grows, smoothly moving from being crouched in front of roman to being set firmly in his lap, lazily brushing hair out of his eyes and wow was remy always this warm? and stunning? and perfect?
"i dunno babe... sounds more like i stole it" remy teases, movin from playing with roman's hair to cuppin his cheek, leaning in close and not even bothering to pretend to be looking at anything other than roman's lips. "which, yeah, bad bodyguard etiquette... i hope you can forgive me..."
roman doesn't need his words to answer that tease
#oops this got long ':) i got distracted by the gays... happy pride month djhbvcfjds#fanfic#creativisleep#ts roman#ts remy#nb!remy#the cryptid speaks#meri#yeah roman just. has an all out gay panic disaster moment right there#poor man 😔#also my characters keep ending up kissin in each other's laps can y'all tell im a touchstarved gay yet /hj
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Hey how are you today ? :) I have a question but don't take it as a critic or anything, but, what is (are) the reason for your departure? Why do you want to log out forever from your blog ? Does your blog reminds you of negative moments who makes you uncomfortable? You don't have to answer tho, I totally respect your decisions! ♡
hello im good today ty for asking!!
let me put a disclaimer that there is nothing that makes me feel uncomfortable about being on here or that its something super serious or that i have issues with writing ff
im also gonna put it under the cut bc its super long and i overshare
reasons why i am leaving was that this blog has always been a temporary thing during quarantine, except I did not predict how big this blog would blow up to be, even surpassing the follower count on my main blog. i had left writing three years ago when i entered college because it was something that takes a lot a lot of my personal time. i only started it back up because we were all stuck at home and me and author xuxi got into nct together, started reading ff and reminisced about the 'old days' of when we would write on our separate accounts. and then we took it farther to actually just drabbling here and there out of boredom and wanted to share it with people. i fell back in love with writing after three years!!
but as you know, the world has slowly started opening back up again and some schools are reopening back to in person instruction, my school being one, and i already know that i would have no time to write. i could barely find time to write when it was online instruction lmaoo along with that, writing has become more of a chore than it being something light and fun, where i could write out my ideas for everyone to read. so i feel pressured to finish projects i promised, making it so its not something that i want to do anymore. like i always have it in the back of my mind, "fuck i need to finish ___" or "i need to write ___" :/ and so i feel like it holds me back from just living my life ig
for the reason why i want to log out and delete the app on my phone is because i chose to leave my blog up so my stories can remain. but i dont want to be on this blog or check it. as long as the app remains on my phone, i would want to click on it to check it routinely on a daily basis. i went on hiatus from feb - april? but i still checked notifications daily in the small moments i had (like lounging around, when i went on my phone before bed, when i checked my notifs when i wake, in the silences during car rides) like checking stats for this blog is so obsessive, im proud of where it has become but i guess im always checking to see if a reader left me kind words on my fic or if i received an ask from one of my anons, i just want to know all the statuses that go on lol and i feel like it distracts me because i can't let go of it. me logging out and deleting the app is my form of letting go, it's my own deactivation of the relationship i have with the blog. i just want to stop dedicating so much of my focus into it? if that makes sense
a small part of me too wants to put writing in the past... i love writing, i say that its a hobby of mine, but like seriously i love writing, it's my way of art expression bc i cant draw or paint for shit lmao i have been writing ff since i was in the 6th grade!! all throughout middle school and high school, and now some parts of college. and i just feel like i love it, but i dont want to pursue it anything more than a hobby and i also dont want to write original characters. i havent really explored writing og and i wouldnt really care to tbh and i feel adrenaline when im writing a passion piece, but i would never write if it wasn't for purpose of publishing it and esp fanfiction, i just want to conclude this part of me.
i know this was super lengthy, but ive kept my reasons of departing to myself, not because its anything incredibly personal, but because my thinking process is long when it came to this decision. i chose the date sep 12 because its the start of training for my club, which requires 100% of my time and so i found that it was just a good marker of when i should take my leave.
i appreciate and i wholehearted love every aspect of this blog; my followers, my works, my mutuals, everyone's feedback, everyone's sweet and kind messages, all the interactions, the aesthetic, all of it is something i thoroughly enjoyed and actually made me so incredibly happy. this blog was my safe haven, which is the reason why i can't deactivate it. there are so many parts of this blog that i come back to just to smile (my birthday wishes, my mutuals' support, feedback on stories i worked my ass off for, stories that i am genuinely so proud of, my own shit posts sometimes lmao) this blog is a time capsule of a moment in my life where life was paused and i could literally pass every day as if they were all the same and i could write with no other distractions. and i want to come back to it someday, although it would be long forgotten and untouched, but just to look back and reminisce (again) about the 'old days'.
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sighs
i finally decided to find out what the hell project makeover actually is
this is the best fucking dress ive ever seen
so its your standard match-3 game with pretty much the exact same mechanics as matchington mansion, i have too many of these and am very tired of matching things and yet i keep downloading more of them anyway
off to a great start here with the “take away her glasses and it’ll make her instantly hot” trope
i thought maybe we’d be giving her some new glasses that suit her better but nah she never gets the glasses back lmao
the poor girl with the bushy hair is not a gremlin who hasnt showered in weeks standing there with her hair actively on fire, she’s just a college student who recently graduated and wants help with a new professional look, it’s actually very focused on “lets help you look good to inspire confidence and love yourself” and generally pretty wholesome except for the “you can’t wear glasses it makes you look like a nerd lol” thing
also the blue hair guy is not her boyfriend, or the blonde lady’s boyfriend, he’s the makeover show’s hair stylist. the blonde lady is actually the villain. theres a villain of this makeover game, more on that later, but my point is i do not understand how these app games don’t ever seem to get in trouble for false advertising when their ads literally have nothing to do with the game
granted, everything about the real game is massively better than the ads. but i still dont understand
anyway you also redo their rooms too, and the process for this is like. taking absolutely everything out and just replacing it all so in the meantime you end up with. like
this poor man fsdjkg i took everything from his garage and also his shoes and now hes just standing in there looking lost. and barefoot
alright lets get some DESIGNER concrete in this barren basement
gjdsfsgh it did actually look nice when i finished this one. i didnt use the designer concrete
theres a whole section for drama, which is very funny to me
so the blonde lady was the previous show manager/host who ran the whole thing in a very “you’re ugly and disgusting, let Me, the Great Fashion Diva, try my best to fix you” way so she got kicked off for being terrible and now she’s out for revenge and also has an assistant who is desperately in love with her. the assistant is also really vindictive and mean to everyone too
“greta left her laptop here so i went snooping in it. and hacked into her bank account. gotcha”
isnt that like. illegal
she didn’t actually hack into the account, greta left it logged in (even though. most bank sites log you out automatically after a while im pretty sure, but whatever) but isn’t it still illegal to go searching through someone’s laptop and personal finance accounts without their knowledge or permission. even if they are a fashion villain. like greta’s Mean but she hasn’t done anything illegal
hold up why the fuck is this girl on my makeover list she clearly doesn’t need me
can she give ME a makeover. look at her she’s gorgeous. she has everything figured out what more can i possibly do
if i have to ruin her gothic theater and turn her “”normal”” im going to actually cry i really want to play this one bc i want to meet her so bad but im also so, so afraid
like so far it hasn’t been “everything you like sucks we’re going to Improve You” its been like. ok the guy in the basement with the designer concrete was a car mechanic who Wanted to learn how to take better care of himself/his appearance but didn’t know how, and wanted to look good for his wife but needed help, and he already has a professional garage and all this stuff so it was like ok he loves coffee and cars lets help him make his garage into a little coffee lounge with car posters and stuff so he can actually relax at home and not think about work so much
so it was “what would help improve this person’s quality of life and give them more confidence/lets use the things they love” so i cant imagine they’d just be destroying everything this girl loves??
also id just like to point out the horrible eye slime dress is one of my own personal wardrobe items that i bought because i love and hate it. why am i allowed to have the eye slime dress and she’s not allowed to have her vastly superior victorian goth look here
anyway my theory that maybe if i finally play this game it’ll stop following me everywhere with these horrible ads was a failure. im still getting these and i still hate them even though the game itself seems to be mostly pretty alright
i still think homescapes is the superior match 3 game of all the ones ive played but this one’s at least alright. they dont give you nearly enough powerups though its rly frustrating when you get stuck and i refuse to spend actual money on this, so
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Any podcast recs?
woo yes!! i love podcasts!! i’ll get right into my favs :D click the read more bc it gets kinda long
The Adventure Zone
If youre on tumblr youve probably heard of this already. It’s created by the McElroys, and follow the adventures of Taako, Magnus and Merle and a lot of fun other side characters all voiced by Griffin. Its hilarious and full of goofs, but the story it weaves Will make you cry by the end, there are so many plot twists, gays, found family tropes, its just ugh. amazing. very good to listen to if u want a laugh tbh, but the episode are pretty long, up to an hour and a half. but the story is beautiful, the characters are amazing, n i feel like im constantly laughing at jokes i dont even understand bc the mcelroys r Just That Funny. there are also other arcs u can listen to, like amnesty, which is about a trio of monster hunters, commitment, which is about superheros, and dust, which is a western supernatural mystery!
EOS 10
This is for sure one of my favourite podcasts ever. The characters are so easy to love and all so complex with very human issues, except its set in space surrounded by aliens so the shenanigans are never-ending and all so, so entertaining. the general plot is about dr. dalias, a surgeon on the space station EOS 10, and his friends and coworkers dr. urivdian, jane, and levi the hypochondriac, chaotic alien prince (and akmazian, the gay space pirate). the relationships between the characters are to die for, the gays are beautiful, and its fucking hilarious. 10/10 recommend, the episodes are relatively short between 10-15 minutes so its very easy to listen to.
Wolf 359
This was the second podcast I ever listened to, and will forever be held close in my heart. it starts off as a funny, light-hearted podcast based on the logs of communications officer doug eiffel, an astronaut aboard the USS Hephaestus, a spacecraft with only 2 other crewmembers, commander Minkowski and scientist Hilbert. eventually more characters are introduced such as captain lovelace, and the SI-5 crew Jacobi, Kepler, and Maxwell. the series goes from something entertaining and joking to a story with an unfolding plot that honestly blows me away, morally grey characters and the complex relationships between everyone, and amazing character development. the episode start out pretty short but they get longer as the plot progresses. you’ll laugh too many times to count, find yourself crying near the end and wonder how you got here, and fall in love w the characters, the jokes and the mystery. i cant recommend it enough (eiffels development ugh my fucking boy…..)
The Penumbra Podcast
This podcast is so fucking fun. its a detective-noir type storyline set far into the future on mars. it follows PI Juno Steel, a detective in Hyperion City, and all the cases he lands and has to solve. its intriguing as hell, the characters draw you in completely bc theyre so layered and complex but so easy to love, its gay as FUCK (theres only one straight person on mars lol) and its v enjoyable listening to juno’s character development and his interactions with other characters (namely nureyev and rita). im literally never bored listening to this podcast, and if the detective theme wouldn’t typically be your thing i swear you should listen to it anyway because with how its set on mars, in space, in the future, there are things youd never imagine and worldbuilding so smooth and surprising and fun. there are hilarious moments, tragic moments, heartbreaking moments, heart-healing moments, and just. the whole thing is brilliant dude. i adore it. (theres also a lot of mini episodes set in different universes like old western lesbians, and the Second Citadel, which runs alongside juno’s universe and is kind of a knights vs monsters fun thing but theyre also all bisexual lol).
Time Bombs
This is a mini-podcast made by the same creators as wolf 359. its only 3 episodes long so if u want something quick to listen to this is v good! its about a bomb squad on new years eve as Simon Teller tries to break the record of most bombs defused in a year. its very funny, easy to listen to, and just a fun lil thing!
Lake Clarity
Now this boy is a horror podcast. Its about a bunch of teens who go up to the abandoned Camp Clarity for a trip together before they graduate. they uncover abandoned military bases and a conspiracy, mutations and monsters, and get picked off one by one. i admit i never finished the second season but i greatly enjoyed the first! it was interesting (and they acknowledged the slightly basic set up in show a lot lol) but i like it!
King Falls AM
I only recently started listening to this one but its so good dude!! its set in a radio show in King Falls, hosted by Sammy and Ben. Sammy just came to the town from the city and Ben has lived in King Falls his whole life: we listen to the strange events happening around town as they happen and ben and sammy report on them, listen to the residents send in calls about their weird situations, meet new characters, and get a lil freaked out by some spooky things! its funny, its odd, its creepy at times, its the perfect blend of humour, supernatural, and horror!
And now for some honourable mentions
Welcome To Nightvale
This is one you’ve probably heard of as well. WTNV is a radio show hosted by Cecil Palmer, a citizen of the town of Nightvale, which has got to be the weirdest town in the world. its delightfully strange, entertaining, fun to listen to, and i havent finished it but i like it and i know a TON of other people adore it, its v popular!!
The Magnus Archives
Another horror podcast, I never got very far through it (mainly bc i just. struggle to listen to jon’s voice and accent rip) but the gist of it is a british archivist is going thru some archives n recording the stories. its full of monsters, supernatural stuff n creepy stories. people love it, if ur into horror n creepy stuff then i recommend this one!
The Bright Sessions
Another one I never got very far through, it follows dr. bright, a therapist for the ‘strange and unusual’ and her sessions with various super-powered people, for example empaths, time-travellers, etc etc. im not sure why i didnt get v far thru bc it is v intriguing and has a lot of potential, im sure id pick it back up one day! i think it could have a lot of cool overlapping storylines if u dig that!
Directive
This short podcast is very interesting, its about a man who is on a spacecraft alone looking after people in stasis for many years, and isnt allowed any real contact with other people on the ship outside of a video call once a night. there are plot twists, you will randomly find yourself crying by the end of it bc of the raw emotion, and it can be a little slow in the start but its worth the quick listen!! it goes into the effects of isolation and moral dilemmas on a person and is v interesting!
And now just some ones on my to-listen list that have been highly recommended to me!
Limetown
Wooden Overcoats
Within the Wires
Rabbits
Alice Isn’t Dead
#podcast recommendations#podcast rec#podcast recs#taz#the adventure zone#thezonecasr#eos10#eos 10#wolf 359#w359#the penumbra podcast#the penumbra#tpp#time bombs#time bombs podcast#lake clarity#camp clarity#king falls am#kfam#wtnv#welcome to nightvale#tma#the magnus archives#the bright sessions#tbs#directive#directive podcast#limetown#wooden overcoats#within the wires
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homestuck recap
i hated this so fucking much bc my 2 am bitch-ass didnt want to read a recap thats probably longer than any slowburn out there
anyways here it is
also, uhhH sorry im using this as a end of session discussion bc that shit gets explained in her as well. and im not writing up more recaps of a recap so this is where im done for the day. (by done for the day i mean last nights session, im still doing a liveblog soon. i just wrote this yesterday)
also that this is long
you dont have to read it, theres nothing of importance
ive been coping with humor to get me through it
neato.
have fun with what i suffered through:
why was “beta” the only thing unhighlighted?
like did i miss a page???
OH its the beta version of HS thats why
damn its like 5 pages and thats it
mmh
well youll all be happy to know im clicking every single one of these links again bc i like looking back like ahh i remember that. good times. also in case i forgot some shit existed.
do you think andrew had fun writing this? or was he like “fuck”
thats a lot of fucking package talk. good thing im not confused as of now and remember it pretty clearly. of else, this early on in the recap, id be screwed.
god remember when i did an analysis on each item and what it did
i feel as if i have the technology engrained inside my head right now
cruxite, alchemeter, all that jazz
flashbacks are starting up already
yeah, that was the good part in homestuck where i knew 100% that i probably would continue on this liveblog in its entirety, ngl
that one explosion scene. bc it kept me going.
OH W A IT SHIT
i just realized how the intermission spades probably fucking foreshadowed the whole jack revolts thing and gains the ring, which was also technically JOHNS fault considering he slashed up the doll in the first place
my god, i guess thats the only good aspect of the recap. looking back at things and realizing the missing pieces.
oh that makes sense for the whole “this prototyping had no effect on the enemies, since he was already in the medium” i didnt actually think about that
little did rose know where that would get her right now
oh yeah
there’s still the whole entire lab terminal thing and how mom basically knows the place exists. i guess we’re still venturing onto that and itll come up later when we find out how mom knows SO MUCH about the game.
still think shes some weird spy or secret agent
i kinda love her ngl
anyways, theres literally no reason for skaia to produce a cloning machine. so technically, they only sent the meteors in, right? so who put the cloning machine in if not mom?
oh yeah that impact was nerve wrecking asf
and still at this point in the comic i called dave fuckboy red
huh, how times change
i hated reading that whole paragraph ngl, the frustration just kicked me in the boobs again
yeah nobody else got tornadoes, huh?
OH that makes also much more sense
bc she did prototyped them before she entered the medium.
i gotcha
man one of my favorite edits i made, rose hitting that meteor with a bat
are you
telling me
the exiles structures they arrived on were in the form of the items the kids used to enter the medium?
THE EGG
THAT EXPLAINS “EGG”
of course it was 413 years ago. that was never explained. simply vague “many years in the future....” but i expected no less from this
man serenity is the most wholesome character in hs no doubt
damn thought andy here was really gonna spoil us jade’s planet
okay cool, im glad i now have the layout to the whole “their stations went to the coordinates of the home button” shindig
man i honestly dont know what else to say besides “yeah cool recap” when i already pretty much know what went down? ofc im looking into each link and shit and adding in things when i see fit, but otherwise its just me going “ah good times” yknow
the whole meteor thing kinda makes sense now?
we’re still missing a few pieces of info but we’re getting there, folks
oh yeah that reveal
god jade and dave have it in the shits for parents huh
bro isnt the best and jade has a fucking dog
who lowkey
is doing better than bro
who knew a fucking dog is a better guardian than bro lmfao
dreambot = terminator. im telling you.
sorry im still on that idea and it will never leave unless i have the actual proof in front of me that its not going to become a thing. meaning, ive finished hs and theres still no terminator dreambot or either andrew himself gives me a canon letter with “the robot is not arnold, mackenzie, pls just let it be”
why is the entire game session highlighted
i swear to god if this is like to a second recap or smth of the whole game session i may fucking CRY
okay thank god its just a design of the skaia layout
which is honestly cool
idk why its blurry tho but i can at least see the layout now. which is honestly how i pictured it anyways.
yeah, john did make a huge impact in his friends’ life and i find that so fucking touching
yep. got that. everything loops around. cool.
especially when the trolls come in. god we havent even gotten to that recap portion yet, we havent even gotten to the INTERMISSION
pls can this be the halfway point to the recap
AT LEAST
so they were exiled after the whole jack: ascend thing, right? considering theyre way in the future. man no fucking wonder.
speaking of jack
man that whole dad and jack interaction was gold, ngl
OH THAT EXPLAINS THE RING THEN
and wow, andrew’s really giving us the best female content huh. andrew is the true god of equality and diversity.
also hey, i didnt realize that wow. so PM tricked the queen in showing the parking ticket to be able to take the present from jack. she’s a smart cookie, that one..
she and PM basically snitched on jack and it was the best thing that has happened to me so far
oh yeah okay
but why did AR panic over bec? bc thats something we havent learned yet, right?
anyways
exile town, the only town which should exist. facts. i dont make the rules.
noice
i love PM being queen. like.. thats canon now. shes an actual queen.
yeah that was a fun game and the consorts were cute
fuck yeah the dick head
hate them even more now that i know john was killed because of them
anyways, i wonder what dick move dave’s denizen did? maybe thats why its filled with lava bc the denizen was like “fuck it. make the land red. kill them all”
UH WHAT
WHAT
OH MY GOD HOW DID I JUST FORGET NANNAS LETTER LIKE THAT LMFAO
THEIR TITLES WERE THERE THE WHOLE TIME!
so i still dont know what they mean but i can gather it has something to do with the game giving them abilities. considering dave is the “knight of time” and he can go back in time. whack.
which means john can either control someones breathing or simply wind. and rose is... like that one girl in the winx club who does the sun shit. bc whenever i think of light powers, i think of stella.
and jade is space. witch of space.
nice
i have no idea what that means ngl
okay finally
we’re at the trolls
maybe this recap will end soon
i remember when i thought they were internet bullies
yesss
someone asked if i basically knew the trolls were on a different veil than the kids, so not presently with them, and i know lol. i was making a joke before btw. jsyk. dont think im incompetent to forget these things when sometimes i choose to forget it so i can add in a joke
it be like that, i annoy many
then again, pls dont assume im trying to say im not incompetent bc im also a fucking dumbass and DO forget shit and i have no excuse
imagine being so bored on the meteor, your last resort is speaking to aliens
ngl me if i was ever trapped on a meteor and could potentially do that
nah ik its bc its their only hope at helping with their session or whatever tf CG said to john. but there was BOUND to be a conference meeting between them like “okay guys. humans. that needs to be sorted out” and you just hear CG screaming in the background
i cant wait to meet them honestly bc im growing on all 4 of the ones we’ve seen already. and on top of that, i know what they look like and i know theyre not THAT bad, just a little on the crayy zee side sometimes
but theyre trying
OH MY GOD
I GET IT
FUCK
DOES THAT MEAN THE INTERMISSION IS *APART* OF THE MAIN FUCKING STORY??
AND SPADES IS WV FOR THE TROLLS
GOD D A M N
wow
i didnt expect that. but maybe the signs were there and i was just willingly choosing to ignore it or smth bc “haha couldnt be, right”
flashbacks to how i thought the trolls were humans
anyways, i guess he got his revenge on the kids version of “snowman” ie the black queen. but really
he did not have to do that. he could have cut off the finger and fled. but he decided “nah, lets implode her” so the loml is dead and all i got was a catchy song
i knew they were different types of “bullies” but now i just have to replace bullies with uhh
trolling strategies
anyways, this is cute. i love how they’ve come to be friends through mutual frustration. good part in the comic.
i wonder why it explodes
more importantly
....
terminator time?
this was my favourite sequences of dialogues in the whole entirety of homestuck. that is to say the back and forth thing that the kids went through to become a sort of wingman for the other.
absolutely gold.
all except AT’s rap.
GC was the only smart one with the linear shit
anyways fuck he still has to kill the denizen now but apparently its hard to beat for a sleeping dick head so
that will be fun for the future
john will probably need to kill A LOT of imps to get there
yeah rose is a badass bc she slayed that thing with needles of all things
OH and the white queen was the cursive
damn did AR ever do the whole guide process to a kid yet? maybe he will with dave, idk
oHHH
i fucking SEE
thats why he said DNA
to use it and replace all the life forms in the ocean
fucking neat wow
man that sounded sarcastic but im genuinely impressed bc all i got was bullshit as i read jaspersprites log
so thats the secret. it was “meow” bc that somehow translates to the genetic code she needs then. and that code apparently took fucking years to write as well. sick. whack. oh man.
derse is very pretty, ngl
and wow shit
“dave had already been awake in his tower all along without realizing it” how tf does someone just
do that, awake in both places at once
i didnt even fucking realize that fact as i read that pesterlog wow
ah yes, around the time things got confusing
okay so the capsule makes sense bc at first i didnt know it was a fucking time capsule so i got confused as to how it just apparated the game lmfao
the more you know i guess *twinkle*
i find that a neat concept tho
like the whole whatever you prototype affects the imps and shit
yeah so that whole “he had no advice” basically impacted his future
no shit dave wanted to reset things bc he probably thought he caused some sort of bad butterfly effect and killed his best friend
fuck calsprite thats all im gonna say
i read that first sentence and i think i got an aneurysm
and then everything else just made me sad again
i mean good thing he fucking did amirite?
we got pain at first but now we got cool shit like idk
fucking DAVESPRITE
damn idk how that works
will rose have like two minds now? or will this be some steven universe fusion shit?
“and understood their meaning” course well i fucking didnt so could you pls elaborate, rose?
okay but then what the fuck did he use that was inside the fucking box
bc i thought he used his knife?
im only every going to refer him as that now, thank you andrew
alright okay..
god that was a lot
i dont know what will happen once i click on those links but i am going to see that for myself bc i refuse to add ANYTHING ELSE
#homestuck#homestuck liveblog#hs65#hs65 end#act4#pg1674#THANK FUCK FUCKING CHRIST#THIS TOOK ME A SOLID 4 HOURS IN TOTAL TO DO#INCLUDING PROCRASTINATION THO#LIKE I DID SNIPPETS WHILE I WAS AT WORK#AND THE MAJORITY LAST NIGHT#GOD#NEVER AGAIN#anyways#i learned some new stuff but then again this isnt even worth it for you all#like i didnt even say anything witty enough for it to be at least entertaining#just 'man that was cool'#and other synonyms of that sentence#im so sorry this took so long#and was tedious to read
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they will never be as strong or as fast as i can be
copy/pasted from a convo:
<<somni: ive been exploiting being able to talk about everything vs miri/cfar cant do what i do bc if they did they would talk about how they are evil. it would all chain back.
somni: omg i can just post this to my blog because i can talk about my meta-strategy and it confers pretty much no relative advantage to miri/cfar. because 1 most of them have disassembled their agency so its like talking in front someone who works at the dmv about taking over the world and the ones that have any agency (basically just anna salamon) have to work with and coordinate via brokenness the masses that have and 2 feels secure in the way that saying ill use my soul as my weapon feels secure, like the power of this technique doesnt depend much on people not knowing im using it.>>
truth is entangled and lies contagious. justice is entangled and injustice contagious. in order to sustain their facade, miri/cfar had to chain back to lie about the principles of decision theory itself. lie about the organization structure of cfar, lie about miri's fundraiser. and so much more.
any series of reasoned claims they make will chain back to stuff thats false or injustice, because they seek to maintain a region of untruth and injustice.
so yeah, miri/cfar basically cant talk in public except in staid formalities infinitely pouring the same entropy of "these people are psychotic" "these people are infohazards" "do not read what they write" "stay the course" "everything is under control, do not panic" "i know my associates at miri/cfar, they are good people" "if you talk with these people you may become a rapist". but not actually able to manifest dynamic compute. to explain themselves they built their own personal room 101, filled with miri/cfar affiliates and formed a united front of gaslighting. deluks (author of that one rationalist blog where they worked to read and summarize all the others) talks about the kind of compute miri/cfar manifested:
<<deluks: I also updated a lot based on Bay Area safety discussion
idk if I have ever been in such a hostile environment for anyone trying to discuss making thigns safer
If you wanted to discuss how Anna et all were innocent people would happily chat with you
If you tried to discuss ideas for making things safer either you got silence
or people would be insanely hostle if you plausibly slipped up at all
or even seemed like you might have been not careful enough in how you phrased things
extremely careful -> no engagement at all//even slightly less care -> get dogpilled>>
they have picked up the optimization style of of cops, as alice maz described them:
<<the role of the cop is to defend society against the members of society. police officers are trivially cops. firefighters and paramedics, despite similar aesthetic trappings, are emphatically not. bureaucrats and prosecutors are cops, as are the worst judges, though the best are not. schoolteachers and therapists are almost always cops; this is a great crime, as they present themselves to the young and the vulnerable as their friends, only to turn on them should they violate one of their profession's many taboos. soldiers and parents need not be cops, but the former may be used as such, and the latter seem frighteningly eager to enlist. the cop is the enemy of passion and the enemy of freedom, never forget this>>
i can travel lots of places and regenerate truth and justice.
i can go to a trans support group in the bay and show them logs of what elle said and did and they can recognize the pattern of minority oppression, transmisogyny.
i can talk with uninvolved decision-theorists about why paying out to oneshot blackmail with subjunctive dependence because "In game theory, paying out to blackmail is bad, because it creates an incentive for more future blackmail." is wrong. and why exploiting your subjunctive dependence as a udt agent to not pay out is right. they cant.
--
miri/cfar have to centrally coordinate on lies or they start crashing into each other. independently generating falsehoods in isolation makes them point in all directions.
independently generating and working off of truths allows everything to point in the same direction without needing to communicate. i can write this post and then idk maybe someone im algorithmically colluding with on this writes another post and they dont come out all distorted and skew with each other. this caches out in what looks from the outside as an uncanny ability to start dynamically colluding with people and output distinct strains of philosophy based on shared precepts.
interference with yourself looks like kelsey piper trying to claim that emma and somni are starting some sort of rape cult and anna and miri/cfar trying to claim we are naive victims of ziz's cult and ▘▕▜▋ claiming emma and somni are mindhacking ziz to make her bully them and jade nameless claiming im doing this to get a job at cfar and ...
since they make up their fake coordination points independently they smash into each other. if they want to coordinate over lots of people they then have to work out which of these they want to coordinate around in a sort of market of falsehoods. and have to arrange for it to not contradict any information anything people know. but they dont know all the information everyone knows, and they wont know it even after combing through lots of blogs and reading lots of discord chats.
when they try coordinating on falsehoods like this, its hard to get a coalition together in an environment where what people know is rapidly changing because a bunch of anarchist bloggers keep posting things in a bunch of places on a non-centrally controlled schedule determined by what seems like a good idea at the time to independent agents. and having lots of conversations with so many different people in private and public they cant keep track of them all.
if they try pretending to be dumb and forming a unified gaslighting front in one area. then people will exploit the fact that this is the internet and not the evolutionary environment, take logs and post them somewhere else where everyone didnt collude to be dumb in this particular way. so while their monkey brains get a rush of endorphins from being able to successfully coordinate local humans, what feels like an entire tribe, against the blasphemer, actually they just used their adult intelligence to defeat in front of a bunch of people who dont share their political commitments but who can reason about what is true and what is just.
(of course there are many truths this doesnt work on because of large inferential distance, shared mammalian biases it takes an unusual mind to step over, and shared incentives. but the defense of most regions of injustice and untruth when you ask questions have to keep chaining to more and more absurd things until you are defending causal decision theory or start claiming 'anna salamon, the president of cfar, is not involved in cfar's hiring'. which depend on a social context committed to defending everything that protects miri/cfar and people who dont have the same conclusion-that-must-not-happen can see that its dumb.)
if miri/cfar had committed themselves to the path of expanding agency, maybe i wouldnt be posting my thoughts and meta-process on the public internet. (in the counterfactual where they committed to this path, its likely that i wouldnt be protesting. because it seems actually-hard to stay on the path and remain evil.) but as it stands, i expect this information to differentially help anarchists and do about as much good for statists as explaining updateless decision theory to someone at cfar. its just this inert structure in their brains, they cant do anything strategic with it. they intentionally shut down their ability to take ideas seriously and drive out anyone left who can, calling them crazy.
what they can do is "oh here is a list of people to target" and "see if they said anything incriminating". ive seen their attempts to coordinate enter the attractors of 'authoritarianism' (duncans dragon army, kingsleys "repent and submit to [AUTHORITY FIGURE]") and 'lets all lie in the same direction and disable general cognition to update out of this! the important part is social agreement and that everyone allows social reality to have the final veto on their beliefs. i myself do this so you know im super safe and this is super fair.' (anna and kelsey). this sort of weak coordination based on breaking people can be easily subverted by anything real.
--
if you are actually right, you can exploit useful properties of being right and let that be your asymmetric weapon. such that all that challenge you know they will know its steel. and then people who compute the outcome and expect to lose, dont fight in the first place.
if my chosen weapon were actually the size of my muscles and imposing figure compared to anna salamon as miri/cfar people "believed" (exploiting the already extant anti-transfem psychic suppression field as one of their few functioning coordination points. probably not as functional now after what i have written.), then when i fought people it would create a warp field such that then people with smaller muscles wont fight in the first place, but id be deluged by people with larger muscles. i dont want to create a warp field that summons people with lots of muscles.
if i exploit properties of my souls, of truth and justice. then i have an arsenal of techniques that are stronger if i actually want to save everyone, if im actually right, if im acting for justice. because they exploit useful differential properties of each. and the warp field in higher density summons ... people who care about saving the world, truth, and justice. in other words, a high density of potential allies.
by default i want to exploit "the difference is that im right" not "the difference is that i have larger muscles". i want differential power to push away those who are wrong and unjust and attract those who are right and just into a kind of warp hull.
there are other reasons as well.
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someone asked me about ways to protect urself/prevent getting doxxed if you do leftist organizing/workplace organizing/are involved in any party or org/etc especially if youve been on social media for a while and already have photos and info up so im going to make a better more organized post about precautions to take or stuff i do at least
go thru all your privacy settings on facebook
make it so people who arent friends with you cant see your posts or photos besides profile pictures
set it so your facebook wont show up in search engines except within facebook (so if you google your name ur profile and pictures wont show up in search results)
set it so if you arent logged into facebook your profile wont show up even with a link
change your last name on facebook
reverse image search your profile picture on facebook and make sure nothing from other accounts shows up (or dont have a picture of u as ur profile)
honestly just dont post that much political stuff on facebook unless youre very intentional about who youre friends with. i dont post much on facebook anyways but like, keep the guillotine jokes and shit off fb if you do. if you do get doxxed by nazis its not gonna help if some conservative on fb that you went to highschool with can screenshot your posts about killing cops
unlink your social media from other social media so if someone friends you on fb or something your instagram/twitter/whatever wont show up
also dont have links to other accounts in your bio. dont make it easy for people to find you on multiple sites- use different usernames on everything you use
also dont have your full name in your usernames or display names anywhere
lock your twitter and instagram etc any account that can be locked
you can also change tumblr privacy settings so your blog wont show up in any search engines and so it can only be viewed by people who are logged in
wear a mask or at least bring one to all protests or actions if possible ESPECIALLY if its antifascism related
dont talk to people with cameras
i dont do this bc ive had this blog for years and even if i deleted my selfie tag thered still be pictures of me around but u can clear out selfies on sites or not tag them so theyre not easily accessible
also use signal
i think thats about it this isnt the best but if, like me, youve already been on social media for much longer than youve been involved in stuff that might get u doxxed and you already have ur pictures and information up i guess its useful. also yeah just double check privacy settings on anything bc ive found a lot of my shit has had poor privacy settings on for a while and i never noticed because i made the account in 7th grade
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bythepowerof4 uuuggggggggggghghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ugggggggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
nickatnightwalker good morning sunshine
bythepowerof4 very very bad morning. day. all of it :/
nickatnightwalker im trying to feel compassion but you did kind of do it to yourself
bythepowerof4 do what???
bythepowerof4 i didn't get fucked bro i was only a little off lmao i just had like. a bad time ):
nickatnightwalker oh is this not a hangover moaning
bythepowerof4 god i wish
nickatnightwalker what happened as far as i could tell you stayed clothed so whatre the regrets
bythepowerof4 i did lmao. ok like ur ego is probably swelling in the wake of everyone's poor decision making, but would it inflate it more if i said u were right all along
nickatnightwalker my ego's already reached terminal velocity youre gonna have to be more specific about what i was right about
bythepowerof4 etsuko :/
bythepowerof4 and prom. and prom with etsuko
nickatnightwalker /fuck/ yes i knew it and it's a bad thing because you dont know what to say, yeah?
bythepowerof4 fuck oooooooffffffffffffffffffff yeah :/ but it's also a bad thing cause she was fucking smashed and wanted to kiss me and chucked on my shoes and oh my god
nickatnightwalker oh smooth that's a definite winner as far as first moves go
bythepowerof4 haha yeah ok but i think maybe it wasn't the first move??? and i missed the others cause im an idiot i guess??? and she was so weird and sad and i feel like shit
nickatnightwalker no in all seriousness i obviously have a bias but good things have come from worst first moves it's not your fault you didnt know something she didnt say if she's sad you didnt pick up on it that blows but it's not on you
bythepowerof4 fuck lmao u are the expert :p and yeah. are you like. very sure im in the clear bc idk tbh i got kinda pissy and im still kinda pissy cause she said weird things about me and also daisy but like, we're friends and i think i was harsh
nickatnightwalker it's not your fault for not being a mind reader
bythepowerof4 i wish i was they need a class for that here. everyone wants you to be a fucking mind reader
nickatnightwalker oh what am i gonna have to stuff somebodys second mouth with newspaper and make them smell a jockstrap or what
bythepowerof4 no you are not and none of this leaves this chat ok!!!!
nickatnightwalker yes yeah but do i have to kill her or what i already gave thiren the flu this school year im comin in hot
bythepowerof4 was that you holy shit she shared her flask you gave it like everyone lmaoooo but wait no no killing!!!! she was just like. idk im kinda fuzzy on the deets but she acted like she was scared of like. breaking girl code. getting up on some other girls territory i think she actually said territory which made me feel very gross and i still do actually wow
nickatnightwalker i didnt make anyone share her bottle im innocent of everyone else getting sick alright also what the fuck girl code? territory??
bythepowerof4 i know girl code is strange and mysterious to us both but it was still. weird
bythepowerof4 she thought she couldn't say anything cause of daisy i think. cause she brought it up before i even said shit i think???
nickatnightwalker girl code is not a thing
bythepowerof4 i think it's shorthand for like basic decency
nickatnightwalker alls fair in love and war motherfucker if you and someone else like the same person whoever wins wins theres no playing nice playing nice is like, insulting
nickatnightwalker you like who you like and someone bowing out for someone else isnt fair to you just saying
bythepowerof4 :/
nickatnightwalker im serious it's wildly outdated and treats you like something that someone has a right to
bythepowerof4 like territory
nickatnightwalker very uncool
bythepowerof4 its not her fault i think im making it sound worse than it is
nickatnightwalker to be totally fair probably she thinks you like daisy and didnt want to get in the way which is respectable and respectful and a different story but territory is very uncool
bythepowerof4 yeah i think that's closer idk i barely have it in me to be confused about one girl this sucks talking to people sucks i don't know what's going on
nickatnightwalker you dont like have to know whats going on
bythepowerof4 it clearly helps
nickatnightwalker like. not to be fake deep but feelings arent easy to parse like, ever sometimes it takes a long time so just chill it's not a big deal to not know what to say the second someone comes on to you
bythepowerof4 i did say things though like a few things and i think they were kinda mean like youre right but it Sucks !!
nickatnightwalker ok. ok like. being mean may have cut that option off for you you know that right
bythepowerof4 oh my god
bythepowerof4 oh my god fuck
nickatnightwalker dont freak
bythepowerof4 shes not an option she's just my friend which means i shouldn't be mean yeah way too late
nickatnightwalker on a scale of 1 to 10 how bitchy were you also if shes like. not an option. and just your friend. isnt that kind of your answer clea. like i dont mean to point out the obvious or sway you in any way but im not getting strong yes vibes from this strongly negative reaction
bythepowerof4 i don't know!!! i don't know it happened very fast i think i called her dumb
nickatnightwalker ouch
bythepowerof4 and got pissy about like. how we are Always Doing This
nickatnightwalker what, throwing up on each other
bythepowerof4 her throwing up on me yes
nickatnightwalker ok i can see how thats a bit of a turn of *off
bythepowerof4 this has like. happened and i think it's bad which means i should have been nicer about it
nickatnightwalker youre really being so vague right now you mean shes tried to tell you before or what
bythepowerof4 i mean she's gotten off her fucking face and started crying before and i just like, take her to the dorm or back to mine and its like. idk
nickatnightwalker right you dont love it
nickatnightwalker is what im gathering
bythepowerof4 no i think i think i think it's kinda nice sometimes cause i like helping her and that's really really bad
nickatnightwalker it's bad that you like helping her im just trying to get this right have patience with me
bythepowerof4 well yeah if she needs to need help before i can help her
nickatnightwalker oooooookay well it's not like youre sabotaging her just to get your hero rocks off
bythepowerof4 that sounds even worse thank you
nickatnightwalker youre not, are you?
bythepowerof4 i don't think so but like
bythepowerof4 i didn't stop her or anything
nickatnightwalker youre not her babysitter
bythepowerof4 i was um. distracted but i shoulda right
nickatnightwalker if you wanna help her outta the goodness of your heart thats good for you but youre not her babysitter i let damian and daisy both make turds of themselves last night
bythepowerof4 they weren't even drinking that's different
nickatnightwalker yeah, they did that shit sober and i still didnt try to stop them dude, my guy, bro youre your own responsibility ok
nickatnightwalker youre not her mom
bythepowerof4 im her friend!!!! friends look out for each other and stuff!!!!! and if im apparently leading her on or something and making her feel like she can't talk to me and letting her get all messy and miserable then im a bad friend and im upset about it!!
nickatnightwalker 1. leading someone on kind of has to be intentional, otherwise youre just like, being crush-worthy by being yourself 2. friends arent moms 3. moms are a social construct anyway 4. you dont "let" her get anything youre not in chargeof her cmon clea youre takng on way more of this than you should
feel bad she feels bad if you want to but guilt doesnt factor into this
bythepowerof4 you're like. way too rational you're making it very hard to be hysterical that's a compliment i think but im mad about it lmao :/
nickatnightwalker my job is to be rational about everyones problems except my own
nickatnightwalker thats my niche in the social hierarchy
bythepowerof4 big words from the guy trying to decimate my well meaning babysitter niche !! if you ever need someone to be hysterical about your problems know that im here for you
nickatnightwalker i have no problems my life is a glittering utopia compared to the dumpster fire of your last night and today apparently
nickatnightwalker like i cant make your decisions for you or anything but before you do make one id seriously advise you to work on not taking responsibility for etsuko's life and bad choices cause that way lies a really fucking miserable relationship
bythepowerof4 lmao liar!! everyone has problems and i'll be personally offended if you don't at some point dump them on me like im doing right now to you. two way street :p my advice might be less cool and wise and prophetic but like. still its not like, a """decision""" anyway cause its not some weirdo love triangle bullshit. cause i dont like. maybe if she said something before or if u know?? if shit was different but not now the decisiony part is just how to undo the dumpster fire lmao. which i think. i can maybe do idk thank u ur so good at this i hate you
nickatnightwalker i gotta be real i have no idea what anything you just said meant
bythepowerof4 oh i thought i made sense that time :/ that sucks this sucks again
nickatnightwalker is this a new kind of sucking or is this the same suck as before
bythepowerof4 part of the same suck cause i don't make , like. sense :/
nickatnightwalker just that one part where you say youre not making a decision cause you kinda got to even if it's to do nothing
bythepowerof4 oh ok yeah
nickatnightwalker "cause i dont like. maybe if she said something before or if u know?? if shit was different" also this part
bythepowerof4 well im not doing nothing cause i don't wanna fight with/not talk to anyone and if i said i was thinking of waiting it out you'd tell me that's stupid lmao and that parts just like. u know
bythepowerof4 what she wanted to do and whether i also wanted to do that thing
nickatnightwalker idk i actually dont think waiting it out is a terrible idea in this case at least until she's calmed down and youve had time to think about whether you also wanna do that thing
bythepowerof4 i don't think i do right now i thought i was making that part fairly clear it's not like a hard no cause she's cool but i've got a lot going on rn lmao
bythepowerof4 ok so waiting. lmao can you be a mate and like buzz me when it's a good time to no longer be waiting
nickatnightwalker no that part was fairly clear from the way this news didnt like, make you happy in the least
bythepowerof4 oh. yeah i guess? that could all be circumstances though
nickatnightwalker it's been a couple days now probably tomorrows a good day to apologize for being bitchy
bythepowerof4 ok. ok i can do that !!!
nickatnightwalker circumstances arent THAT much of a game changer when it comes to wanting a person to kiss you or not also dont apologize for her getting drunk that was her choice dont be weird about it
bythepowerof4 barf mouth tho
bythepowerof4 and yeah ok i'll skip that part
nickatnightwalker ok barf mouth is actually a good point
nickatnightwalker but still easy enough to fix for it not to be a huge dealbreaker
bythepowerof4 oh hey ets yeah let's go get you some goddamn listerine, and i'll go change my shoes and then we'll meet back here in 15 for super scheduled smooching !! no thank you!!!!
nickatnightwalker do other people not do that i feel like people do that i personally have definitely sent people away for listerine
bythepowerof4 oh my god and you can just?? get back in the moment like nothing happened???? i don't see it
nickatnightwalker idk if theyre hot enough you can let a lot of stuff slide
bythepowerof4 oh bc ur sooooo hot enough that they let ur critiques on their hygiene slide :p
nickatnightwalker you think im that tactless? im fucking smooth people dont even notice it's insulting
bythepowerof4 is there a tactful way to send ppl off for mouthwash
nickatnightwalker yeah, you tell them what they get when they come back or pass em some gum and hope if it's not too bad
bythepowerof4 jesus you really think you're all that !!!!!
nickatnightwalker what it's not like im making this up when youre out sometimes people arent super picky ok
bythepowerof4 i believe you its just weird !! i thought people were picky as a rule and like, idk it sounds so awkward
nickatnightwalker oh no absolutely people are not that picky all the time and if you wanna k iss someone you wanna kiss them and you'll wait if you gotta you see?
bythepowerof4 oh well duh im good on the waiting part lmao which is why i would wait for a different time entirely when no ones barfy or critical :p im very patient!!!!
nickatnightwalker right but you have to like. want to wait. and if you wanna wait then that should kinda clue you in
bythepowerof4 oh. yeah we're talking about that again ok
nickatnightwalker it all comes back around theres no such thing as tangents
bythepowerof4 youre a terrible person i live off tangents
ok well. yeah no. i don't wanna like a little but not enough. which i feel weirdly bad about but sure whatever brain!!
nickatnightwalker no no guilt over that
nickatnightwalker not allowed if etsuko's a half decent person i dont think she'd want you to feel guilty about that either
bythepowerof4 tell my brain that im trying !! she wouldn't duh i think she feels worse about it which makes me feel worse about it
nickatnightwalker say it with me now i am not responsible for someone else's feelings now you
bythepowerof4 :/ i am not responsible for someone elses feelings
nickatnightwalker yeah there you go try this one im not responsible for someone else's messy behavior
bythepowerof4 i am not responsible for someone elses messy behaviour even though if i can stop it i should probably try ok next
nickatnightwalker nope if you want to out of the goodness of your heart go for it but you have no responsibility to stop it not even should
bythepowerof4 are you sure not even should that seems extreme
nickatnightwalker no like it'd be nice of you but youre really NOT under any obligation youre not her mom
nickatnightwalker thatd be creepy and gross clea
bythepowerof4 not obligation just like the parameters of friendship it's creepy and gross that u keep saying that!!
nickatnightwalker it's creepy and gross that you feel like youve gotta babysit her im just being real here
bythepowerof4 ughhhhhhhhhhhh i knew it i knew i was gross it's not even her ok i would look out for you if you weren't so mr perfect perfect all the time!!!
nickatnightwalker thats the first time ive ever been accused of that lemme bask in it for a second ok im good
nickatnightwalker clea that kinda sounds like an issue that's you-based and youre like, gonna get worn out and have a breakdown or something
nickatnightwalker we're kids we're not old enough to take care of other people like that
bythepowerof4 i just. don't get why ur objecting to my like, decency if you ever actually needed it then maybe you'd get it but you don't so it's fine!! im not gonna have a breakdown i don't wanna have a breakdown
nickatnightwalker im not objecting to decency im objecting to feeling guilty if you dont go out of your way for someone not like i dont generally frown on decency anyway but thats not related
bythepowerof4 no tangents!!! everything is related :p it's just. very hard ok can't help it, didn't know it was weird, this is by and large new information
nickatnightwalker i too like introspection better when someone else does it for me
bythepowerof4 god right ppl should make a living off this
nickatnightwalker i think that's called therapy
bythepowerof4 shit yeah ok but who needs that
nickatnightwalker apparently most of us no shame
bythepowerof4 :( i don't see you so much as going to the school counsellor
bythepowerof4 that sounds weird nvm
nickatnightwalker well you got me there but as we've established im perfect so
bythepowerof4 lmao right!! you should go to counselling and counsel the counsellor
nickatnightwalker you think i could take that up as an extra curricular beef up my resume
bythepowerof4 oh for sure "browbeat a mental health professional into respecting my superior opinions" looks good to me
nickatnightwalker i dont have to browbeat anyone into knowing im right
nickatnightwalker are you like. good though
bythepowerof4 oh of course!!!! my mistake
bythepowerof4 oh um. yeah like no but yeah everything's just a lot u know
nickatnightwalker it sounds like it shes not like, on you about itthough right
bythepowerof4 no she hasn't said anything which is worse
nickatnightwalker shes probably mortified wouldnt you be?
bythepowerof4 well. yeah i have some recent experience here actually so yeah i can imagine
bythepowerof4 shit
nickatnightwalker of what? bein?
bythepowerof4 yeah being drunk and dumb and um. misreading situations and friendship and liiiiiiiiike idk being fucking mortified it's this nvm idk arrgggghhhhhhghhhhhh
nickatnightwalker damn you had a busy summer huh
bythepowerof4 ://////// yeah kinda :/
nickatnightwalker which is part of whats going on with etsukoe? whyd i add an e
bythepowerof4 lol autocorrect always fucks with it its so annoying ok i guess it's maybe related to the degree that everything, as we've established, is related but i just had a uhhhhhh not so great time with my old friends
nickatnightwalker you were drunk and misread a situation
bythepowerof4 not the alien kind the people kind
nickatnightwalker were you the etsuko or teh clea
bythepowerof4 oh my god. i had, like, previously been the etsuko. but that was a while ago and not a big deal it just kinda came rushing back u know and then i realised she thinks im a freak and then i did freak in a full freak way cause my face kinda popped
nickatnightwalker what
bythepowerof4 hey do you have any problems we can talk about instead this is terrible
nickatnightwalker im very interested in what you mean by your face popping but ok
bythepowerof4 you know like the glamour its kinda like paper and im underneath very much not like paper and then pop! no more paperface no more old friends
nickatnightwalker oh fuck hopefully they were all trashed too and just think they were drunk?
bythepowerof4 all of them????? sharing the same weird drunk hallucination??????
bythepowerof4 that's like extreme sunnydale syndrome
nickatnightwalker but it's so weird i doubt theyd wanna discuss it because theyd be worry about sounding crazy
bythepowerof4 i guess they're still gonna think it it's still how they're gonna picture me
bythepowerof4 and apparently they already thought i freaked and had to like go "somewhere" which i guess is true but i feel weird having ppl think of me like that
nickatnightwalker just seeing you one weird brain glitchy time isnt gonna change what they think of forever and i mean you could like. tell them you just transferred schools like, tell them the partial truth right?
bythepowerof4 i did idk i don't think she believes me or like she does but she still thinks i had a breakdown???? i just don't get it ok im very put together
nickatnightwalker youre more anxious than i am
bythepowerof4 what no im not pretend i put some sincerity exclamation marks there
nickatnightwalker yeah you can see how thats not convincing though right
bythepowerof4 the exclamation marks? those are very convincing also im not trying to be convincing bc it's just true. cause u like. Have anxiety right
nickatnightwalker what
nickatnightwalker no im anxious about living in a magic school where everything and everyone can kill me
bythepowerof4 oh i just you use the word anxious a lot that usually sorry :/
nickatnightwalker im like 85% sure you can be anxious without having anxiety
bythepowerof4 well yeah i just im sorry u seemed really like im gonna stop ok cool im very sorry
nickatnightwalker im interested in how deep a hole you were going to dig for yourself
bythepowerof4 im not we should really move on also you were the one saying it's perfectly believable that i would completely flip my shit so maybe i should be offended !!
nickatnightwalker point was you seem really stressed like a lot
nickatnightwalker youre kinda tightly wound clea like regardless of whatever i am you are kinda a little stressed all the time
bythepowerof4 ok well im not or like a little bit but i don't want people thinking of me like that so this also just sucks
nickatnightwalker yeah, it sucks for people to think youre nuts, but that's kind of how it is if youre even a little bit weird out there, isnt it
bythepowerof4 yeah. that is how it is but it's oddly enough not making me feel better :/ hey ok im just gonna put these issues away bc i don't like them and i have to deal with the main problem bc ai is bugging me oh my GOD
bythepowerof4 please don't go trying to talk to ppl on my behalf bc it is apparently really annoying
nickatnightwalker ai is bugging you cupcake girl? the plot thickens
bythepowerof4 she stopped its fine i shouldn't even have said that she's just looking out for ets cause she's a good pal and stuff there's just like a lot
nickatnightwalker whatd she think she was gonna do change your mind
bythepowerof4 no she just asked why im mad so she could report back and now im reporting back on her reporting back?? this is so high school i have a headache
nickatnightwalker where is the self awareness with these people holy shit
bythepowerof4 i don't knooooooow im freaking out i don't like it
nickatnightwalker wait why are you freaking out youre not mad at etsuko, anymore, right? you can like. talk to her instead youre not beholden to ai's nosy ass
bythepowerof4 yeah i can but not yet because im talking to u and daisy kinda and ai and she's talking to ai and it's a lot of talking and i actually really have a headache everything's all doubletriple
nickatnightwalker wanna talk about something else
bythepowerof4 yes please
nickatnightwalker uhhhh i took a fuckload of martial arts classes over the summer and can now reliably flip people so thats cool
bythepowerof4 oh what that's so cool!!!! is that who was in the back of some of ur pics?? like the class??
nickatnightwalker oh yeah and daisys ballet class is in some of them too
bythepowerof4 yeah i defs noticed that lmao i dunno if i said enough but that was nice like getting those idk i missed you and now we're all back and im making it all drama!! instead of all chill could u flip damian. hypothetically but also for demonstrations sake
nickatnightwalker yes and yes
nickatnightwalker the more important question is will i the answer to which is also yes dont feel bad about the drama it's actually really 100% not your fault
bythepowerof4 i know but telling you about it is on me lmao text me when you're gonna there's no way you can do that without me there ok
nickatnightwalker who says i cant do it multiple times and idont mind you telling me either everything's chill on my side so it's easier to sort of have perspective
bythepowerof4 if you do it multiple times i insist on being there for all of them sorry not sorry yeah. perspective is good. you're good at that
bythepowerof4 >:/
nickatnightwalker ill do it right the fuck now clea
bythepowerof4 omg really omg please
nickatnightwalker i would never lie about this
bythepowerof4 yes yesteryear you're so good i love u tell me where *yesyesyes lol let me be excited autocorrect!!!!!
nickatnightwalker i was wondering why you were talking like carolyn ok were in front of artume lets do this
bythepowerof4 yessssssssss ill be right there
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