#EVERYTHING HURTS AND I AM NOT OK | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

eirenical · 2 years ago

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HEY.

HEY, EPISODE 29 OF THE KING'S AVATAR.

YOU COME BACK HERE.

I WANT TO SUE YOU FOR EMOTIONAL DAMAGES.

😭

#THAT EPISODE WAS SO GOOD #BUT I'M LEGIT CRYING OVER HERE #THERE ARE ACTUAL TEARS #AND MY NOSE IS RUNNING #EVERYTHING HURTS AND I AM NOT OK #IN ALL THE BEST WAYS #THE FUCKING TAPE RECORDER #HALP #I CAN'T #TT^TT #*sobs aggressively*#eirenical blogs tka

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eirenical · 8 months ago

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#god GOD. the shift in expression and posture within the first two gifs#the first moment is li lianhua walking forth tired and resigned#the second is li xiangyi's ghost returned. for just as long as he needs to face down the one person li lianhua can't#cheng yi real acting moment head in hands (via @difeisheng)

“Shixiong. Long time no see.”

Mysterious Lotus Casebook 莲花楼 | Episode 33

#mysterious lotus casebook #li lianhua #li xiangyi #shan gudao #li lianhua & shan gudao #FUCK #this scene gets me every time #i could go on and on and on about it #but #difeisheng #your tags NAILED IT #'the second is li xiangyi's ghost returned. for just as long as he needs to face down the one person li lianhua can't'#STICK A FORK IN ME #I'M DONE #EXCUSE ME WHILE I GO CRY IN A CORNER #BECAUSE YES #that's it exactly #that's the ONLY WAY this ever happens #because it's about shan gudao but it's also about protecting other people #the only time llh brings back lxy is to protect those he cares about #for himself he couldn't do it #but for xiaobao and his entire family?#for zhan yunfei?#all standing behind him?#YEAH #FOR THEM HE'LL DO IT #HE'LL RESURRECT LI XIANGYI #NO MATTER WHAT IT COSTS HIM #EVERYTHING HURTS AND I AM NOT OK #*sobs aggressively*

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hellinhawkins · 5 days ago

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hey! sometimes it’s not necessary to share your opinion <3

#and especially not if it’s insulting anyone’s appearance #i’m so sick of seeing people say that finn had a “downgrade”#SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP #“well he’ll probably never see it”#does that matter????#beauty is subjective but that does not give you any right to call anyone ugly #saying that they’ve gotten progressively “uglier” as the years go by #because you know how actually fucked up that is #and this goes for noah too. do i need to say it again? i will.#“well he’s probably not going to see it”#IT DOESNT MATTER. HE MIGHT.#and with everything he’s going through lately seeing so much of the fandom insulting his appearance too #well #i know that would hurt #and using “they’re so ugly” as a reason to why you want mileven endgame #nobody actually gives a fuck. i am so serious #it is disgusting how often this happens #“i don’t like them as people anyway”#you don’t have to but GOD you don’t need to insult their appearance repeatedly #no one should ever have to go online and be judged about things they can’t control by fans of the show they’re in #SO STOP DOING IT.#finn wolfhard #noah schnapp #byler #stranger things #stranger things 5 #and this is such a problem #for some reason when someone become famous apparently now it’s ok to insult everything about them #well it’s not. so stop.#hellinhawkins

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hel7l7 · 7 months ago

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I’m in that weird stage of healing from smt where things are new and good. But the fact that it feels new and different terrifies me and makes me spiral into some sort of crazy panic mode because I just want control….

What I had in the past was not better than what is now. Repeat. I am only comfortable in chaos because it is what I know best. Repeat. I can learn to get used to a new version of me and it won’t always feel scary and uncomfortable. Repeat.

#i tend to just want to run back to whatever self destructive thing i am most craving #i am not gonna call them #i am not gonna hurt myself #i am going to be kind to myself and take care of me #tomorrow is a new day and all this uncomfortable stuff will pass #everything always changes #it is ok if I need some time to adjust to changes even if those changes are positive

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muchanmocha · 1 month ago

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This might be a weird way to put it but, how I'm feeling after listening to the og and the cover:

Cure Till: hurting as he seeks an end

Cure Ivan: hurting as he seeks The End

Cure MiziSua: has reached/attained The End, but it still hurts just as much

*what I mean by "The End" is not defined bc it can have several interpretations, none of which can be conveyed in anything less than a 10 page essay

#alnst #alien stage #alnst till #alnst ivan #alnst mizi #alnst sua #TLDR EVERYTHING HURTS #alnst cure #i am not ok

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eirenical · 9 months ago

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#GOD.#the way di feisheng could anchor li lianhua to the past and fang duobing could tether him to the future#but li lianhua was supposed to exist for nothing other than the present moment and then disappear like smoke#ghosts are left frozen as they were at their point of death and are unable to change beyond it.#mysterious lotus casebook#li xiangyi#di feisheng#fang duobing#li lianhua (via @difeisheng)

no but the THING IS!! Li Lianhua thought he knew the past. He thought he understood where he'd gone wrong, why everything had fallen apart. He'd made his own morbid peace with it by deciding that finding and putting Shan Gudao to rest would be the end to their sorry tale, and then he would die. He'd made his peace with never showing kindness to his past self. He'd made his peace with being a lonely ghost.

And then Fang Duobing and Di Feisheng elbow their way into his life, more stubbornly than he can resist. Their very existence is a threat to Li Lianhua's entire person. Di Feisheng is living proof that what happened 10 years ago was so much more complicated, and ending it is going to take much more than finding and burying his shixiong. Fang Duobing is there, his love for Li Lianhua a stubborn reminder that he is a whole person with a possible future that need not be a ticking clock. No wonder Li Lianhua was lost by the end. No wonder he felt adrift and stuck between life and death and a future and a past. No wonder he was too tired to keep trying, especially after the only cure had to be given away to ensure Fang Duobing's safety. No wonder he fell back on the pattern of making himself alone with the belief that he was letting others move on, when what he was really doing was running from the terrifying realisation that maybe he did deserve a future

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faaun · 6 months ago

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this is the hardest assignment i have ever ever done i just took my 3rd ritalin my eyes r still tearing up from the exhaustion..it's 9:31 AM it's due at 12:00 PM aaaa

#this all nighter has been physically painful like my back hurts omg #what am i even writing atp #its not even a high word count its just a course i actually did like only half the content for that is also a v hard course above my yr #so ive had to teach myself everything from scratch and . ughasd aA im afraid of failing #ok #anyway #literally the ritalin is making my heart go fast but im still yawning tff #ok gtg bye #i think im like 70% done which is #bad #bc it took me #like 24 hours to get to 70% so #hhh #bye #rn finding references is so insanely time consuming #like this is so specific

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simcardiac-arrested · 4 months ago

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can we talk about no way back. hi . Hello ! i want to talk about this (-1 HP) drawing (-1 HP) that you've made (-1 HP)(-1 HP)(-1 HP)

Hi. um. what if the cracks started showing

#what if im so used to pushing down my emotions that. um. haha . (sweats)#what if the real me . umm. is soemwhere down there 👇 (bottom of mariana trench)#What if i have eons and eons and eons and eons and eons of pent up anger. is that like. fucked up #what if im a ticking time bomb and i’ve already gone off two or three times but there’s still More? what do i do when just ‘moving on’#isn’t enough? what if i still hurt? what if you apologized and i still hurt and i hurt and i hurt until the end of time #but i can’t show it because well that’s unfair right? that’s stupid and unfair because you said you’d try to be better and i said #that i want to be there to see it. I mean why do i get to be angry and ruin everything that’s just wrong. it’s wrong and i should just stop #and move on like you expect me to. because it’s fine. it doesn’t matter and it really is fine why wouldnt it be #what do you mean i look ‘bothered’ i’m literally fine. i’m not mad and i never think about all the things you’ve said to me. Whaaaat hahaaaa #seriously i’m not mad. well. I mean. it’s still there but i’m not mad. it’s still there somehwere (bottom of mariana trench) but like #it’s not Here and it never will be so like. i’m good. Really. why are you asking what’s the matter #the matter is that we’ve both moved on. okay? I’ve moved on. im moving on. im so moving on im on the other side of the planet already #that’s how moved on i am ok ? We already talked about it once it’s fine. i’m not mad. i’m really really not #can we just go back to telling jokes?#cramswering

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bunnihearted · 4 months ago

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legitimately wanna die bc i keep checking his blog and thinking obsessively about him and then i get pangs in my chest as i realize that he doesnt care abt me bc he has someone else again so he doesnt think of me and im sitting here going crazy bc i want him so bad but he doesnt want me he wants someone else 🥴

#i know i sound crazy but yeah like idk what to do i wanna die ^-^#bc like ok im here alone in my room with no friends no life no nothing. i have no one to talk to #i have nobody in the whole wide world to talk to... and im crying and all i can think abt him #while he is talking to the person he wants. and he's not crying all alone bc he loves me and wants me so bad #you see??? thats why im going crazy bc he'll be ok he has someone while i wont be ok and i dont have anyone #i dont even have a friend to talk to and cry to and be comforted by. i have no one.#and the loneliness is so suffocating and i see my future and i have been alone my entire life and i will always be alone #i just want a gun and off myself (not bc of him specifically but bc of the loneliness i've always had)#like idk i just cant let go of the fact that im crying checking his blog #while he isnt checking my blog at all and he isnt thinking of me at all bc he is thinking of her #yk that in of itself is so humiliating and so cruel 💀#and i know i sound ridiculous but idk im trying to read and im trying to watch smth and i just cant stop hurting #i can go non contact and try to forget him #but that will hurt so fkn bad bc he is all i want #but then i rmbr that im not what he wants #so what? will i just message him once every couple of months? all the while he'll have someone else #why would he even want to keep talking to me???? lmao like if he has someone why would he wanna talk to me at all?#and how am i gonna be ok w talking to him abt idk the fkn weather while i really wanna be in love w him but i cant bc he isnt mine???#but how am i supposed to just not talk to him ever again when he is the one person... i wanna talk to all day and know everything abt #which.. is the issue bc i feel that way abt him but he doesnt feel that way abt me bc hes wanting that with her #it just... doesnt work so idk what to do #it hurts that he found someone else to be worthy of a chance but not me.... i wasnt worth a chance

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eirenical · 8 months ago

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Just @bbcphile and @difeisheng BRUTALLY MURDERING ME with their insights into Di Feisheng. Nothing to see here. Move along. 😭

i know we laugh about how di feisheng starts and ends the show mourning li xiangyiand so it seems on the surface that he didn't get a huge arcbut he did and it's in the moments like thishe's learning from other people's behaviourafter a fucked up childhood by anyone's measure and spending the last ten years shut away from the worldoh also re: di feisheng insisting on being there for people in times of paindo you think he's also remembering fang duobing only just starting to warm up to him in shishou villagebut still running to catch him without hesitationand so liking and disliking someone can fluctuate but care can be unconditional and that's something he's slowly figuring out tooahem anyways. good blorbo morning (via @difeisheng)

Mysterious Lotus Casebook | give him some space

#mysterious lotus casebook #di feisheng #fang duobing #li lianhua #di feisheng & fang duobing & li lianhua #THIS IS FINE #I'M FINE #WE'RE ALL FINE #...NOPE I LIED #EVERYTHING HURTS AND I AM NOT OK #TT^TT #queue you hear the people sing?

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tamagotchikgs · 21 days ago

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debating whether 2 go to sleep or not

#i am very tired #but i am in a whimsy state i dont want to fast travel away from #but also the horrors have me #im being tossed between wahoo ! :] <3 comfort and Anguish #between wow everything is so good everything is ok to straight sobbing #more so in the opposite direction and then back again #but also i am So tired #body aches from emotions n exhaustion #ngl i felt such strong urges 2 sh but now i dont know if i even have the energy #i havent done it at all since my arm #and even that still hurts me literally everyday #its scarred over n has been for awhile now but it aches n tingles n burns #sometimes my whole forearm feels icy hot #and every time i wake up and straighten my arm its like im ripping it open inside it hurts so bad o(-<#but at the same time i need Hurt #i deserve it #& i want the bad feelings 2 go away #i want to just be able to sit in the joy n whimsy #i need to beat it out of me #its my fault its my feelings

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james-spooky · 1 month ago

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this is a test

#i’m bored i just wanna see how many words i can put in the tags like will it just keep going on forever or will they stop me like i know th #the tag limit is 30 ok so the iindividual tag limit is 140 characters that’s actually so rude i wanted to keep going forever and see how lo #g this could be but i guess we can do this 30 times ok what the flip should i talk about hm i was playing the guitar today but i rage quit #ause the song was hard and hurting my fingers! ermmmmm it was sunny ok this is boring let’s think of more exciting things to type hmmm acco #ding to all known laws of aviation- jk i’m not doing the bee movie script but can you imagine i think that would be funny hmmmmm words i lo #e podcasts so bad that’s a fact no one has ever know before my blog definitely isn’t all about audio dramas the people are definitely not a #ready aware of this jesus christ this is only the seventh one of these this is actually quite a lot of space i underestimated how much i ha #e to type btw there’s probably spelling mistakes in here somewhere or autocorrect has been annoying but i cba to retype anything so i don’t #care lolllllllllllll how do you feel about oscar malevolent i feel a normal amount actually (lie) yk what i really miss sam and colin alrea #y like i’m actually not okay i really hope we hear from sam again in s2 and also colin ngl i hope ur in the computers soz or not dead miss #im like a bastard my paranoid it king ok erm im running out of things to say um heartstopper s3 was crazy good i cried lmao i love gay peop #e so much it’s crazy i hope it gets renewed for s4 i need to reread the comics lowkey and the books they’re all so talented for being so yo #ng it scares me ngl !!!!!! the tmagp hiatus is getting to me slightly like february in reality is soon and not that far away for how podcas #ts go but seriously how am i supposed to live until then without knowing what happened. please colin be alive. ive only just realised i can #use fills stops. sorry that’s made everything a bit messy. i should’ve been doing this before. whoops. anyways. hi mutuals i love you all s #much i hope you enjoy my rambles and shitposts cause i enjoy yours very much! never think you’re being annoying i literally don’t care be a #annoying as you want posts as much as you want i am ur biggest fan <3 im getting a bit fatigued from typing like my mind is blank basically #now it’s just turned into a. stream of consciousness but i don’t really have any thoughts to put here idk if we’re halfway ermmmm omg it’s #lmost halloween how crazy is that time is flying by i kinda forgot it was october lmao. it’s wild how it’s basically almost christmas. like #what. that’s illegal. how is it wintertime again. what the flip. i miss summer already take me backkkkkkk. i hope my phone doesn’t crash or #smth cause i’ve not saved this as a draft and i cba to do any of this again. maybe i should save it. ok i will when i reach the next tag bc #ok it stopped me but i’ve saved it and holy jesus it’s a lot of text im just sat here giggling there’s really no point to any of this other #than me being bored sooooooooooooooooo (imagine if i just did the letter o for every character wouldn’t that be crazy) so wait there’s 140 #haracters and 30 tags so what’s 30 x 140. someone hurry. i haven’t done maths lessons in two and a half years i’ve forgotten everything wai #let me get the calculator app ok im back it said 4100 characters so. i dont know how many words that roughly is but its. a decent amount. o #what the flip why am i wasting tag space with maths. i hate maths. my screen time has been actually soooooooooo bad recently like damn some #one put my phone in a block of ice please joshua gillespie style. my mind is running out of things to say. do i talk about myself. im james #im 18 which is weird cause wdym im an adult go away. ive run out of facts. i love podcasts and procedural dramas that stupid firefighter sh #w is my life unfortunately. i think chappell roan should be the queen of england instead of king charles. i dont like having a king cause #ho needs men in power not me. ok um this is the last tag equal rights for all. yolo. the time will pass anyways! thank u boredom ok bye gn:

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stinkrascal · 8 months ago

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i hate everyone in the world for making me think that im gonna be an old hag by the age of 30 bc im turning 25 this yr only 5 yrs away and i look exactly the same as i did when i was 16 and im still into cringe anime and fandom chicanery etc like basically nothing changed so why does everyone act like you gotta get a walking cane and invest all ur time into knitting the moment you hit the big 30

#the only thing bad ab getting older is my bones hurt thats so real about ageing #but everything else is not #idk why ppl act like your hobbies are gonna wildly and suddenly change by 30 #like ive watched anime and interacted w fandom since i was 9 yrs old… i am 24 and still engage w it to this day #do u know what i mean like why would that suddenly change in the nezxt 5 yrs idk 😭#every time i see a tiktok teen complain ab cringe millenials and zoomers i want to shake them by their shoulders and tell them #time will not spare them either and one day they too will be old and outdated #and that is ok. we stay silly 🧘

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ellis-reblogs · 2 months ago

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Looked through the She-Ra tag and immediately found someone who thought Catra didn’t deserve a redemption arc .

I thought we went through this already with Azula’s poorly handled end.

SHE IS A TEENAGE GIRL.

A TEENAGER.

an ABUSED teenager at that. ABUSED. A lot of people react with extreme anger and withdrawal when they are abused and abandoned over and over again!!!

Also it is a CARTOON. Not everyone is going to be horribly gruesomely punished and ostracized like someone who got canceled on twitter for fuck’s sake! The whole POINT of the show is that friends, family, love and connection are what make us strong.

And it’s reiterated over and over and over again throughout the WHOLE SHOW that the Rebellion are KIND and FORGIVING people. And while yes, Catra may not have been “punished enough” by the people she hurt… she also paid so many high prices for what she did. And ultimately sacrificed herself even when she could’ve benefitted from just following along the next big bad.

#I am so frustrated about how people treat Catra in general YES I KNOW SHE SUCKED FOR THE MAJORITY OF THE SERIES #BUT SHE WAS A SCARED AND HURT TEENAGER AND NO THAT DOESNT EXCUSE HER ACTIONS BUT SHE WAS T R Y I N G TO CHANGE #spop #spop spoilers #she ra princess of power #she ra princess of power spoilers #she ra #she ra spoilers #like I get it’s not the best show ever but also this is a hugely openly queer show that fought tooth and nail for a FULL five seasons ok???#nothing will EVER be perfect and if you dedicate your life to trying to force everything to be ‘’perfect’’ you will NEVER be satisfied #or happy #or all around fun to be around.#you’ll end up reflecting Calvinist Christianity to its finest;#making yourself and everyone around you miserable for the sake of some bullshit puritanical standards.#AND FURTHERMORE can we NOT make a laughably near satirical mirror of the obvious representation of oppressive Christian regimes?????#like hello did we watch the same show????

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macbethz · 6 months ago

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The endless debate of Is Doctor Who Bad Now And Was It Ever Good is simple. Doctor Who the show has always been bad. The good stuff is always a short story written in the mid 90s about a side character from an audio drama spinoff that was read by maybe 3 people who will talk about it endlessly on their blogs to no one. Hope this helps

#warlock wartalks #but in /srs i think like. it’s silly when ppl say every episode is the downfall of doctor who #but I also think dismissing ppl out of hand when they have critiques is annoying. like haha worst showrunner is always the current-#showrunner haha. but also ppl can not like the current direction of the silly sci fi show it’s ok. analysis will not hurt you #the straw man who just hates everything is maybe 3% of the dw population most people want to like their favorite show #I’m not saying this to say that I think current dw is the downfall of doctor who I genuinely am having a good time btw

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purplepixel · 8 months ago

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So.

I read issue 44 of idw.

#i am not ok #its one thing to read fanfiction of stuff like this #but its another to be like #this got published #they did that #SCREAMS #ok i knew this day would come #cuz ive been spoiled with that panel #but i didnt know when itd happen #or in what context #and omg the climax of this arc was chefs kiss #master chess happening everywhere #but i got tipped off with ONE panel a couple issues prior #where i went #are we going there?#does that happen in this arc????#and like everything leading up to this had me screaming #whenever he told his brothers he loved them thats when all my doubts left #and i was like OK IT DOES HAPPEN HERE #and than after that they slam you with foreshadowing after foreshadowing #and than that fight scene #HELP #this mustve been insane for someone who never got spoiled #it hurt me even tho i knew #I DONT KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT SO NO SPOILERS #ok i might know something but still #volume 6 arrives tomorrow for me #writing this at 3am #pixel blurbs #tmnt idw

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