#EVEN IF I HAVE THE FUCKING DIAGNOSIS
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i actually tried taking some pics but SOME STUPID CAMERA made my whole hand appear red and it was not a my-whole-hand-is-red episode it was a my-fucking-g0d-my-hands-have-two-different-colors-lmao episode and the camera fucking ruined it
#this phone's camera is shitty#well i never really cared i don't take selfies so i'm not suffering#BUT I WANTED TO GET SOME PROOF ON MY PHONE Y'KNOW? IN CASE A FUCKING DOCTOR DON'T TAKE ME SERIOUSLY#WHICH IS 90% OF THE TIME#EVEN IF I HAVE THE FUCKING DIAGNOSIS#tio morcego tá pistola#edit bc i feel like i was not clear enough: listen i know that people w EM might know what i meant but#it literally looked like there was a line separating the flare from the normal circulation area?#and in one side it's BURNING RED and the other was beige (my skin tone)#on the back of my hand i mean. the palm was red as a tomato#also... burning red... that gave me another post idea hold on i need to write it now lol
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in honor of Sonic 3 officially releasing I’d like everyone to give a special shoutout to my mom who broke two minor traffic laws to get to the theatre on time. this is what a real autism mom looks like
#sonic#sonic the hedgehog#sonic movie 3#sonic 3#shadow the hedgehog#bc it’s his movie lbr#this is not a joke btw. shes aware and fully expecting to get a citation letter in the mail#for context even before I had my autism diagnosis I have been full blown OBSESSED with the Sonic series since I was 6-7#and as my mom she has gotten the majority of my infodumping/making her watch the shows with me/making her attempt to play the games/etc#she is genuinely as invested in major Sonic related happenings as I am#her favorite characters since I was little have always been Tails and Amy (but like ESPECIALLY Tails)#she does NOT fuck around when it comes to Sonic#autism moms WISH they were her
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as a certified Diagnosed Autist(TM) i cannot stress enough that i am not only pro- self-diagnosis, but also pretty anti- legal medical diagnosis. it is, at best, a cruel hoop we have to jump through so privileged people will deign to give us what we need. don't fucking do that shit unless you have to, it was disgustingly expensive, fucking humiliating, infantilizing, and dehumanizing, and would probably actively cause problems in my life if i didn't have some really good allistic (-passing) people in my corner and also wasn't so fucking disabled that it mostly doesn't matter.
literally get that diagnosis if you need it for job/school accessibility shit or SSI or whatever, and otherwise dont tell the government SHIT about yourself. there is zero good reason for them to want that information. that's between you and the people you want in your life.
#as a side note: this goes for gender too#dont fucking get a special marker on your passport or whatever#trying to get ssi has made me realize how deeply cruel the system is#never reveal any vulnerability you have unless it's absolutely necessary#do not do this stuff for validation the government is not your friend and you should seek emotional fulfillment elsewhere#hm this post turned out a lot angrier than i meant#guess i'm still mad about how awful the process was#it wasnt even long it was just. so *impersonal.*#this woman talked to me for two hours. went down a fairly bigoted checklist.#didnt ask me my own opinion on much of anything. and then declared a bunch of her impressions as if they hold weight just bc shes allistic#like how i have 'identity issues' (am trans and dont want a romantic partner)#and thats just. my permanent record of diagnosis! this two hour conversation with a stranger! she doesnt fucking know me#we paid like $500 for that
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The irony of people being baffled by DC having Bruce being abusive and nobody never addressed it again or it's excused extremely easily, because they can't understand that morality is subjective, and people don't all agree about what is abusive and what isn't (in art school, one of my teacher was a comics writer and he defended hitting children as not being abusive. He is far from the only one), than turning around and writing posts and fics where the batfam say and do stuffs that my family did, were abusive and I'm still healing from that, but painting it as normal and with no effects.
I'm not saying what Bruce is doing sometimes isn't abusive, I'm saying "we don't live in a world where everyone is on the same page about what is abuse"
#batfam#bruce wayne#dc comics#my ramblings#just tagging the character I named because no energy to do more#anyway saw a post being like “lol adult batkids telling Bruce nobody will ever love him” and like no don't do that#I was told that multiple times growing up for showing symptoms of being nd and I have a lot of the same diagnosis as Bruce#like depression ptsd severe anxiety probably autism#and it destroyed me it is so fucking hurtful to hear don't say that to people#and certainly don't say that to someone you love during an arguement that immediately makes you an asshole#I don't find it funny#even more when you know Bruce struggles with that shit he thinks he deserves to be alone and unloved wtf would you say that to him???#“he was being a bitch” well he is going to be worst now#bruce “I think I don't deserve my kids and they would be better without me”#some of y'all “Would be so funny if his kids tell him he is unloveable in minor argument and it's normal lol”
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hey gay people in my phone I’m currently stuck in an anxious guilt spiral of executive dysfunction. I don’t know what will help but pls someone give me motivation or something I’m dying here
#bruh I even upped my fucking meds dose and everything and nothing fucking works I’m so TIREDDDD of my brain not fucking working!!!!!#i would ask what is wrong with me but I literally have a diagnosis for that#and yet. what the fuck is wrong with me
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no you aren’t a little autistic for not wanting to make eye contact sometimes no you aren’t a little bipolar for having a mood swing no you aren’t a little adhd for bouncing your leg no you aren’t a little depressed for wanting to stay in bed no you aren’t a little schizophrenic for mistakingly hearing a voice no you aren’t a little ocd for wanting the class desks to be straight stop characterizing disorders by one symptom stop trying to lighten and romanticize disorders by applying a normal thing to do to a disorder that impacts peoples lives stop trying to water down these disorders so you can make it about you and so you can make a joke off of other people’s lives because you want to be funny
#me#idk im just so fucking tired of hearing people say “oh sorry im a little ocd lol xD” after keeping their desk neat????#that’s called wanting to be organized???#“im a little autistic cause i can’t stop talking about this show!” Yeah cause you like the show Carrie of course you are gonna talk about i#sorry I might delete this someone tell me if im being stupid or whatever but does this not piss people off#to hear people just water down a disorder to a simple trait that is incredibly common#so they can be funny and apply themselves to every situation and never have to feel left out#this isn’t about self diagnosis by the way#this is about people willfully ignoring the disability/disorders affects on others while using its symptoms to make a quick joke#Or to get a laugh#how the hell do I even tag this 😭#neurodivergent#neurotypical#depression#bipolar disorder#autism#ocd#schizophrenia
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gonna be so sad when tonight is the first preshow space with good audio and i'm asleep because i have a psych appointment tomorrow
#life update if anyone gaf we're now at the point where i know i'm getting the adhd diagnosis and yet i STILL HAVE TO WAIT#like she just isnt sure if it's adhd or add (its norway theyre not gonna update the terms any time soon just roll with it)#and im just like. girl i don't give a fuck#its been so many years i cant do this anymore#we've talked to my fucking kindergarten teachers like 😭 they've investigated my entire life atp#to make sure i did in fact have all these issues from birth#because my word and my mum's word just isn't good enough i guess#like lets rely on the selective memories of random ass people ive encountered growing up this is ASININE#anyway my godmother had a 4h consultation the other day and got diagnosed on the spot#so now my mum is mad at her LMFAO#cause my mum's like. that bitch doesn't even have adhd. shes fine.#which i feel like is probably wrong but i agree with the sentiment#where is the deep dive investigation into her wholeass existence 😭#its cause she got to go private but they refuse to refer me to a private specialist so i have to keep going publuc#public#and if i go private on my own its too expensive plus the waitlist is years long#so. whatever. i guess.#man im so tired.#i will never ever ever forgive my psychiatrist from when i was 15 who said i probably had adhd but because i did ok in school its fine#and they wouldnt set the diagnosis#because the fact that i have papers from when i was 15 saying i don't have it is what's making this all so difficult#even though if you read all the papers it says i hit on EVERY SINGLE POINT#which is why the One Psych who listened to me is absolutely fuming losing her mind cause she can't understand why any of this happened#man i hate my fucking life lol
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adhd comix
#man i dont even have the energy to be mad. im just tired#like. dont u love it when your parents exhibit symptoms of ADHD and your sibling is diagnosed with a learning disability#and instead of thinking oh shit what if the other one has smth too. they subject you to The Horrors#i cant bring myself to hate my parents. but im tired of feeling obligated to defend them when the thing they think is working#isnt actually working and ive just found other ways to cope to avoid any sort of conflict. like lying and stealing. lol#if someone took me aside and said 'hey so your brain doesnt make as much dopamine as usual and its not a bad thing it just means you#need external stimulation and reward system to function and youre not actually secretly fucked up or lazy' as a kid#im pretty sure i wouldnt be here rn with half the problems i already have. unfortunately getting diagnosed late means u dont have a teacher#to back you up at a parent teacher conference that forces your parents to take this shit seriously instead of ignoring it hoping itll#go away on its own. but hey what do i know i have squirrel ipad baby disease. what do i know about my own symptoms#AND. AND i think im allowd to be mad bc ive been doing my own research on this for years before and after diagnosis#theyve been putting me thru the WORST parenting techniques on earth. which they could have corrected at anytime but they were#comfortable thinking they were doing it right and didnt bother to check if they were or werent fucking up their kid in the long run#and refusing to acknowledge it. i just!! they just decided one day hey lets make babies!! and just looked at books on how to make#a human being survive as long as possible!!! what the fuck!!!!#im sorry for putting this on ppls dashes but i am. so tired. of bottling this up. and im not looking for sympathy or anything i just need#to scream and clench my fists to SOMEONE about it because theyre not gonna take this well up the ass. sigh#yapping#vent
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i think this was funnier in my head.
#puppy draws#yo-kai watch#katie forester#jibanyan#whisper#whisper ykw#usapyon#hailey anne thomas#as a diagnosed autistic person i can confirm that the autism evaluation results#just being a picture of the autism creature with text saying you have the tism is accurate#i don't even remember how this idea came to me i think i was just overly tired this morning and then this happened#also ignore the fact that i refuse to accept nate as being canon protagonist katie is like way better sorry besties <3#that's like 80% a joke. every main yo-kai watch character is my blorbo and nate is included in that#i just also prefer katie. playing 3 and rewatching the anime + reading the manga did endear me to nate more though#i like how he's average but also totally bisexual. no i will not elaborate#why do my tags always get so derailed. uhhhh back to autism. hailey is so fucking autistic ngl#there's like at least five different instances in 3 of her just completely failing to read the room#she's totally hyperfixated on sailor cuties and next harmeowny#she has adhd vibes too i think but. the tism is very strong#i can't decide my favorite part of this between the “yippee!! you have the tism” image and jibanyan asking what autism is#he doesn't know because he has autism by default through being a cat he didn't need a diagnosis#i feel like all of them are autistic tbh but that's probably just me projecting. i totally gave katie autism in the rewrite though#i wasn't even trying to i just don't know what neurotypicals are like because i got that autistic rizz. and adhd rizz. mostly the adhd#i am definitely also autistic but i think my adhd effects me a lot more in day-to-day life#since i usually just interact with my moms who know i'm autistic and are also both neurodivergent#and people online. most of who are autistic because it's mostly on tumblr and this is the autism website#yo-kai watch more like yo-gay watchtism amirite-#oh also very amused by hailey just poofing into existence in the second picture. as you do
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chronic illness is so funny because everyone around you is shitting screaming throwing up wanting to kill themselves from the despair of it all but you're literally just chilling
#:)#my parents have trapped themselves in a psychological torment dimension where i have a soap opera esque terminal illness#meanwhile outside of just being sleepy 24/7 there is nothing symptomatically wrong with me#kinda stresses me out despite the fact that i'm basically the healthiest you could possibly be with this condition#like the only reason i'm doing nothing rn is because my 1 million hospital appointments make it impossible to live my life#it's very funny because to hear them talk i'm withering away and all my meds are poisoning me#even though genuinely i wouldn't even know my kidneys were fucked if i hadn't had that hypertensive migraine#anyway bluhhh just cranky at how everyone around me acts like a constant funeral procession#gonna be absolutely hilarious (unbearable) when i get biopsy 2 done and i get my probable autoimmune disease diagnosis#everything is so fun all the time yippee ^_^
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can y'all stop trying to fuckin diagnosis taylor swift holy shit
#like y'all trying to diagnosis with cluster b personality disorders aren't fuckin slick#we all know why you're jumping to that one even though cluster b cannot be diagnosed by a stranger#you do not fuckin know her#stop being a fucking weirdo!!!!!#if i saw someone insist i must have bpd based on approx nothing i would kill them i thnk#just say she has hysteria and GO#like i do not trust anyone esp with how many of yall still insist narcissistic abuse is a thing#people with npd are more likely to be abuse than be the abuser#shut the fuck up
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Does anyone else get the thing of like you're already so obsessed with something that you're like it would probably be good if I was less obsessed with this / I need to shut up about this but at the same time you constantly find yourself thinking I have Got to get more obsessed with this. I have Got to get more obsessed
#its the thing of like i really want to spend more time on this but also i feel like i shouldnt spend all my time on it so i try to reel it#in but im not particularly good at doing that anyway so i really am like i should just say fuck it and immerse myself even more however#its hard because the more i do that the harder it is to reign it in when i do actually need to#but theres so much i want to research and learn and also do and spend time on where im like i have Got to dedicate more of my time to this#while at the same time being like this is already taking up so much of my time but also because i worry that it is i end up wasting a lot o#time that i could be spending getting more obsessed with this thing. soooo idk but i dont know if that makes sense#its like how im also really bad at working on music becsuse i know when i sit down i will lose several hours so i avoid it but then i end u#not playing music...but i would be happier if i let myself just lose myself in it but then idk. im bad at like Setting aside time for thing#its always all or nothing which is frustrating!!!!! but its like my worry is i wont be productive in other ways but im not anyways so#it doesnt actually matter... sooooo yeah i have Got to get weirder . i have got to just let myself get weirder asap#i think this is also part of the late diagnosis thing of i spent my Entire life forcibly repressing my interests and cutting myself off fro#them after being told i need to. but actually i can just be weird but its really hard to let yourself do that without shame but it is#unjustified in this instance therefore i should take the opposite action and just keep doing it sooo im gonna do that. bye!#i am gonna go listen to bootlegs for approximately 5 hours
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cant believe that after driving the car, riding the train, booking a hotel room, having a nightmare, visiting the father in law, visiting a hospital, making a friend, and escaping an assassin, the incomprehensible Horrors™ are back at it again and harder to bear than ever 🐻
#fandom related#malevolent#i feel just like arthur that after having some Normal Time and time w friends and family the Horrors are even more horrifying than before#also How is this man driving. w zero eyes and one arm and one leg. i imagine John is like#slow down arthur! hit the gas arthur! while steering. and arthur is shifting the gear. except that john has no experience in driving#so it would be like someone during their first ever driving lesson. creeping along slowly. being way too slow or way too fast for a given#situation. cops would stop them bc arthur isn't even looking at the road. he is bumping into so many other cars or the curb.#parking like shit. does john even know what the road signs mean 😭 and oscar got into the car w him#maybe he was too busy reading that book to notice. or too enchanted by arthu#*Arthur#if arthur had a white cane he would constantly lose it while falling down holes or trip over it running from the horrors#i think it's been mentioned only 3 times that he can't see. to those cops on the lake to daniel and the butcher has mentioned it#honestly king shit running around blind and w only one arm and leg w the voice of an ancient god in his voice. also they are fucking driving#*in his head#why can't you edit tags on mobile!!? or do i have to update tumbler for that#anyway ever since starting malevolent ive been realizing i should be more grateful for my eyesight. my eyesight is already bad and i need to#wear glasses 24/7. also i have a diagnosis that has a kinda probability of making me blind once im old or smth#i mean eyesight decreases for everyone as they get older right. but yeah. and i v likely won't have the voice of an older god in my head to#help me see. so gotta be grateful now#i should go to bed it's almost midnight but i have to listen to the next episode i need to know what's going on and what will happen 😭#still hoping nothing further will happen to oscar and that he and arthur will stay friends. if you're reading this and you know this won't#be the case. nnnnggh :')
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I hate how neurodivergence, especially autism, is either viewed as something quirky and cutesy and “aawwww you’re just a special lil baby! There’s absolutely NOTHING wrong or unfortunate about your situation!!!!🩷🩷🩷)” or is considered so horrendous people would rather perform lobotomies (sorry Autism Speaks, but that’s literally the closest you’ll ever get to a “cure”, you sick fucks) and commit second-third degree murder of their own child by refusing to get them vaccinated.
I swear, it even gets straight up fetishized by both neurodivergent and neurotypical individuals
I don’t want to be infantilized, I don’t want to be viewed as broken. I don’t want my autism to be treated like a gift without pain or some quirky character trait when it’s caused struggles and even physical pain all my life, I don’t want to be treated like it ruined my chance at a future and like I’ll never be anything other than a burden or victim because I’m still happy with the life I have
I want to be treated like a fucking human being
That doesn’t sound like too much of a request, but, apparently, it is
#Ok there#i fucking said it#I try to avoid saying things this broadly controversial#Simply because I don’t have the mental strength to deal with the backlash that comes with this stuff online#But I feel sick when parents (including my own) act like I’m somehow “special” for a diagnosis#Or that fanatics think people like me shouldn’t even exist#I hate the fetishization#I hate the demonization#I’m just a person#That’s all I am#And I’d like to be treated as one#Autism#neurodivergent#speaking my truth bitches#It’s late will probably regret this in the morning#Tbh this goes for my sexuality as well
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codecicle you put things on my screen that are so confusing and have no relevance to my interests but its you so i find it so very endearing. keep having so much fun and whimsy on tumblr dot com child :3
you have GOT to get on this horrible TV show dude you don't even understand. it's bad and has 0 redeemable qualities, literally my bread and butter rn. can't get enough of it
#i make yet anothet post just for me 👍#we have mail :]#you wanna watch house md. its sexist and racist and ableist and its written poorly and every episode makes you feel insane#its literally SOOO fucking good dude#im having fun and whimsy. my stupid little medical drama#this is so much more fun than greys anatomy. the romances are all psycho-competitive relationships#where they come up with new and interesting ways of gay sex. such as: bickering about diagnosis#and: looking a doctor in the eyes and telling him the different ways sex can kill a person#that scene wont leave my brain dude.#she just starts listing the different muscles you work out when having sex to him. at one point#after its already explained he looks at her and sees her professionally. but also cant get fucking her off his mind#she starts cornering him and explaining that core muscles are used. you feel like youre running a marathon#WHILE MAINTAINING EYE CONTACT. they dont even need 2 have sex shes gonna kill him just with the medical description#anyway i ❤️ house md. stereotypical pipeline from mcyt to this fuckin show man#/r ctntduo is exactly the same as every 'couple' in this show#<- couple in parenthesis. im not far enough 4 them 2 actually be together#and also whatevers wrong with them is MUCH funnier than romance
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