#ENJOY I LOVE EPICA

[witchcraftandburialdirt]

♡ throws this at full speed

SEND ME ♡ FOR A RANDOM SONG START WITH MY FAVORITE LYRICS! The Phantom Agony - Epica ═══ CANON VERSE ═══

"You are frightened of him, aren't you? Are you afraid that open your heart to him, you'll spill out until there will be nothing left of you? Is that why you have avoided him for so long?"

His words are not harsh as he stalks around the ronin, staring down at him with those horrifically wide eyes, the fire of the campside less a warm invitation and more a damning inferno within the reflection of his iris. Robin always did have that strange way about him, a strangely uneven splice of a man and something otherworldly. Perhaps he was now, simply something that never was supposed to return - a being who knew too much of what lay beyond, one who knew too much of what could be crawling within. Oh yes, he knew the look of guilt and shame, it was like gazing into a mirror of his younger self, like staring into a reflection of him now. It never truly left, did it...?

He brushes his fingers along one of the bushes of his garden that overhung them both, the petals curling outward once more, as though he were the sun itself. The mage turns blindly to peer down into their core, his caress of the plant is gentle, soothing - meant never to harm:

"The future doesn't pass, and the past never overtakes the present...all that remains is an obsolete illustion, that's all time is. A finite resource that flows away like rain on a mountains side. We are afraid of all the things that could not be, so much so you will lose what could be, with him..." he trails off before turning to Yasuo, those eyes ripping through to the ronins very soul, "With yourself." Robin lets the plant slide from his fingers, each bud closing in time as he approached once more, craning his head downward to gaze at Yasuo; what a horrible visage. The sunken in remains of a man, revealing what all humans were worth, framed by the halo of moonlight behind his head,

"I am a silhouette of the person wandering in my dreams, Yasuo, a man lost to fate because of the time I did not utilize, because of what I have lost. Your feelings of shame, of duty, honor, all it means nothing if your life is wasted on them, but your clock is still ticking, you have time left still." Robin slowly lowered himself to sit once more next to the ronin, turning his stare towards the fire, his tone growing quiet, as if he knew too well of what expectations dude to the mind. "Those trivial things drive us away from the essence of life, we meditate too much, so that our instincts fade away. We swallow ideals that crush our innermost desires, that hold you back from speaking to your brother even though your heart cries for it. Ideals that hold you away from your family...and for what?"

The mage sighs as he stares into the sweltering heat, the flames that lick upwards towards the heavens above them, "If your heart and instints are begging you to speak with him, to open yourself and tell him you are sorry and that you love him as much today as you did before....why do you hesitate? What do you have to gain by wasting time in search of absolution when you know it resides in the very person you're avoiding?" He reaches towards the ronin, his fingers curling along the tips of Yasuos - their touch chilled - as he lifts his face towards the man, "I am begging you, my friend, do not take the same path that I did, do not hold yourself back from the ones you love, whatever your reason is it is not worth it."

[nerdfins]

Fan Fic Writing Thoughts

It's been years since I've submitted fan fic. When I was a teen, in the good old Fanfiction.net days, I posted terrible Beast Wars fiction. It was all romance with my favorite character (Dinobot!) and a thinly-veiled self-insert. (There's nothing wrong with self-inserts, and I adore them. However, mine was poorly written.) I stopped writing in college because I was too busy. When the Pandemic happened, I rediscovered my love of writing. I tested the waters with a Discworld second-person smut fic. Reading through it again I can see where I need to improve. But it was a good start. Yet I was nervous about posting any of my Transformers stuff. Transformers is my life-long love. My comfort fandom. I may jump to other fandoms, but I always return to giant, transforming robots.

This week, I did it. I finally put up chapters of my own Transformers AU. Here's how I've been feeling after hitting that post button on AO3.

Relief: Finally! I've been working on my different AUs for a couple of years. There are over 211k words for Transformers Epica so far. The main character, Ricochet, is my baby. She's been in my head for almost two decades. It took a long time to figure out how the first three chapters would play out. To be able to post them felt good.

Anxiety: Now that they're up, my mind is pressuring me to get the next ones out. It's all self-made anxiety. No pressure from anyone else. Yet I keep thinking "Get those chapters up!" I remind myself that I'm under no time constraints to write. I don't have any deadlines. This is all for fun.

More anxiety: "But will people like it?!" Does it matter? In a little way, yes. Knowing someone saw my work and enjoyed it is a validation of the hard work I put in. In the end, all that matters is if I liked it. If I had fun writing it. And if I have fun re-reading it.

Fellow fiction writers: What are your strategies for dealing with the above?

[severalpossiblemusiks]

2-5-13-28 for the music ask?

2: what is your favourite go-to karaoke song?

I don't do karaoke much, but I love doing "Take on Me" by A-ha.

5: is there a song that makes you cry no matter what? What is it?

I have to think hard for this one, cause I don't cry a lot. Probably "One Day More" or "Finale" from Les Mis. I don't know why, but they hit me in the feels so hard.

13: what's an album cover you would frame and put up in your house?

So many. Probably the four most recent Avantasia albums (Myserty of Time, Ghostlights, Moonglow, APEWTMS), Mirror to the Sky by Yes. I want to name a Nightwish, Epica, or Stratovarius cover, but they're all so good I can't think of just one at the moment.

28: most underrated band or artist?

Oooooooohhhhhhhh boy. I've always enjoyed Theocracy (melodic metal with overt Christian lyrics, but very solid musically), and I've only found a small handful of people irl who like them. I think also Camel for the prog rock fans.

[slayedpoet]

re-watching the pictures i've taken 8 years ago @ Santa Cruz and Reckless Love and then @ Apocalyptica, Epica and Nightwish and every single time i'm taken aback by how fricking good a good chunk of them is...

but also i stopped doing it cause if i take pictures i am not fully enjoying a concert so it's a double edged sword and YEAH

[explosionshark]

What draws you to extreme music? I know you grew up in a metal scene pretty much and later rediscovered the genre for yourself so, what draws you to it?

What do you think could help more people enjoy the music? Not that everyone should listen to metal but I feel there's a lot to be enjoyed in it.

This is a good question! The answer is probably multifaceted. I like how it sounds, is a major part. I like fast music, I like technical drumming, I like guitar-heavy music that uses a lot of effects, and I like the way harsh vocals sound, broadly.

A lot of getting into it was pretty personal. I was very insecure as a tween, I felt like I struggled to connect to kids my age. I was also fat, starting to realize I wasn't straight, poor and half-white in a majority white and middle class public school system. Put simply: I felt rejected by everything and everyone already. The reaction I had to that was to embrace things that reflected how I felt. Harsh, aggressive music and horror movies and comic books and other stuff no one I knew really liked. Music with dark lyrics and extreme sounds felt really comforting to me - I wasn't that tough, I felt horribly sensitive and awkward, but the music I liked was confident and it didn't care if you liked it or not.

There's something really special and powerful to be said about being a metalhead. Most of the people I know and interact with on a daily basis don't like metal or at least they're not that passionate about it. By contrast, going to a metal show and being surrounded by people who love this shit the same way you do feels really, really good

Not sure really what would help other people get into it, besides exploring different genres. One of the other things I really love about metal is that there's dozens of subgenres. Pig Destroyer and Iron Maiden and Korn and Windhand and Epica and Red Fang and Immortal are all metal bands and they all sound totally different! I love that!

[confluence-and-drift]

Wait, you still get metalheads who get all elitist about subgenres? In this day and age? Seriously??

Friend. Friend, there is no conflict here. Unless you're into that pop-but-with-confused-aesthetics stuff, we're all of the same ilk, all of us an endangered species. If we don't look out for each other, who will?

Also, in all seriousness, it's bizarre and unfathomable to me. I just don't get it. Why the fuck does it matter if other people are into subgenres you're not into? Don't you get tired of all of this heirarchical buggery style of elitism? Hell, even outside metal, I don't even begrudge others their whatever-the-fuck-is-on-the-sociological-equivalent-of-the-radio today, even if it does make my ears bleed personally. But within metal??

Like, sure, I remember back in the day the Fash were always terminally fixated with black metal and nothing else, everything else was considered 'for pussies' or otherwish Not Macho, or whatever the acceptable descriptor for such a concept is these days. I remember, there was a barely-implicit heirarchy back in the day, as to what bands are 'acceptable' whilst others had people questioning your sexuality (yes really, I was once called gay for liking Dream Theater...fucking Dream Theater). It was the same genre of idiot that would dismiss Nightwish or Epica as "chick music" because...well the ussual bullshit + sexism. That fixation with 'toughness'. But that's never quite what metal has been about. All of those old greats loved doing songs about old sci-fi and fantasy books, it wasn't all about Being Angry. It was power in the music, not the implciit aggression in the aesthetics that's the crux of it.

Again, are you not tired? I mean, I say this as someone who absolutely loves the more aggressive side of metal, I very much enjoy my black metal, even if I do lean more towards proggy stuff these days, is it not just exhausting?

We're all comrades here; huddled around a flame thats been getting smaller all the while you've been putting down friends according to this heirarchy of Cool that you've made up for yourselves. Meanwhile there's less of us every passing year. Come join us by the fire and chill, listen to what you like, feel joy and allow others that same joy. The warmth of the flames represents the shared camaradarie that about any gathering of metalheads. Lets keep it warm. Even though those tiresome people who haven't worked out what all of the iron crosses and eagles in certain sub-genres are all about are welcome as long as they're not actual fash themselves. It's okay to be taken in by an aesthetic that you lack the historical context for.

They're still less of an alien species than pop music enjoyers. Compared to them, we're pretty much the same.

[heredis-sanguinis]

For Munday: 2, 15, 19!

2. Who was your first muse?

Oh boy, I’ve been writing well over two decades now. (I be an ancient creature yes). If we’re talking in this platform then it probably is Emperor Mateus from Final Fantasy II. I’ve always held a soft spot for the bbeg in a lot of media, and this one took my heart back when I was getting familiar with the series. Sadly the FF rpc has died quite a bit quite a few years ago, so I haven’t had a chance to do much with him, in terms of co-writing.

15. What do you look for in a rp partner?

Honestly? Not much, I am pretty open to write with anyone. As long as we’re all having fun with it and do not treat it like a job or push one another, then they’re a-ok in my book. I’ve had my fair share of bad experiences in the past, which makes me somewhat selective though, but only when I get signals of anything I do not enjoy in a writing partner.

And the absolute best would be to also strike a friendship from chatting, brainstorming and whatnot. I’ve gotten a few good friends that way through the various rpcs I’ve been part of, and I love them all to bits!

19. Do you listen to music whilst writing? If so, what kind of music?

I do in fact! I have playlists for every muse and even some for tones of threads. For Vlad, for example, I have a lot of classical and instrumental music that makes me feel to vibe with him. There are also some other songns where the lyrics fit for him, either in meaning or the sound of them: like opera styled singing or very theatrical voices. Some examples being Nightwish or Epica. And to have one specific example for tone of thread: for my OTP with him I can’t get enough of Cosmic Love by Florence and the Machine~

As classical music goes; Bach and Vivaldi spring to mind. And the selection even goes towards video game soundtracks that spark specific emotions for my writing mood.

[abysscronica]

I know this is different from your usual asks but could you tell us what fantasy books or series you read and which ones would you recommend? I'm intrigued.

Sure! I think I mentioned before that I mostly read classics, so I haven't read a tremendous amount of fantasy books, but I can quickly go through them. I'll start from my loves and dislikes, and I include a complete list of what I read at the end, so you can see what I left out from both categories.

My all-time favs!

A Song of Ice and Fire by Martin. All the books, including spin-offs. I rarely came across a writer that kept me enthralled so much I literally never wanted to put the book down and couldn't wait to get back to it afterwards. It's heartbreaking to think that the series will likely remain unfinished.

The Neverending Story by Ende. In my opinion, this is a book that every kid should read, and the adults too. It's a truly magic book, if you can get your hands on the old edition written in red and green, the experience is even more magical.

The House in the Cerulean Sea by Klune. A recent read, I strongly recommend this book if you need a soft, comforting stress-release from your everyday life. It's also LGBTQ+ friendly.

Other good reads.

The Princess Bride by Goldman and The Witches by Dahl will always be two untimely classics to enjoy.

No, I'm not forgetting The Lord of the Rings, but you have to like Tolkien's style. It was an enjoyable read for me but also daunting at times, sorry. If you're looking for something on those epic fantasy lines but much less demanding, I'll suggest to glance at the Dragonlance series by Weis (& other writers). It's developed from DnD campaigns and has all the elements of Tolkien's world except it flows like the wind and you can just turn off your brain and enjoy the ride.

Personally, I'm a sucker for myths and epics itself, so I cannot leave out the Iliad and Odyssey by Homer. In particular the Iliad shaped my conception of how an epic war should be structured (and yes, Tolkien doesn't fall too far off some of Homer's standards - AND YES, Oda's Marineford has something to do with it as well). If you like Greek mythology, throw in Metamorphoses by Ovid for good measure. And Paradise Lost by Milton! It's Christian lore but one cannot forget Paradise Lost, although you'll have to be ready for the ride, like for Tolkien's.

If you like goth/dark stuff, Edgar Allan Poe is my go to.

What I didn't enjoy

[please remember this is solely my opinion and it's perfectly fine if you disagree]

I only liked the first book of The Chronicles of Narnia by Lewis, then whatever attempt I made to continue the series was cut short. It's not just the indoctrination purpose that rubbed me the wrong way, I found the other books boring.

His Dark Materials series by Pullman, once again, I only enjoyed the first book (The Golden Compass). I liked it a lot, so I was quite disappointed by the rest of the trilogy, I felt like nothing made sense and the author had not really thought it through, but maybe that's just me.

The House of Earth and Blood by Maas. I hope people won't burn me at the stake for this but... what the actual fuck? I picked up this book recently because there was so much praise over it, even from famous reading sites, and I thought "Yeah, I'm really in the mood for a good fantasy, it's been ages since I got one, hand it over!". And. How is this book so praised is beyond me. Don't get me wrong, the worldbulding is great and it has a big cast of characters, which is something I always like, but. But. I better shut up on what I think of this book. Bye.

Here below is the list of most of the fantasy I read, I'm sure I forgot something along the way.

Myth/Epica

Beowulf, Odyssey, Iliad, Aeneid, the Epic of Gilgamesh, Metamorphoses (by Ovid), The Divine Comedy by Dante, Paradise Lost by Milton

Popular/big series

The Hobbit & The Lord of the Rings by Tolkien, A Song of Ice and Fire by Martin (all available books including Fire & Blood and The Knight of the Seven Kingdoms), the Harry Potter series by Rowling, the Twilight series by Meyer, the Hunger Games series by Collins (although it counts as sci-fi more than fantasy), a shitton of Dragonlance books by Weis & co., His Dark Materials series by Pullman, the first book of the Chronicles of Narnia by Lewis

Dark/Goth

Dracula by Stocker, Carmilla by Le Fanu, The Castle of Otranto by Walpole, all Edgar Allan Poe, Coraline by Gaiman, Bestiario by Cortazar, The Turn of the Screw by Henry James, Marina by Ruiz Zafon, Frankenstein by Shelley, Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde by Stevenson, a lot of Lovecraft

Others

The Neverending Story by Ende, The Princess Bride by Goldman, some of Martin's short stories, the Eagle and Jaguar trilogy by Allende, A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court by Twain, some Shakespeare that also counts as fantasy I guess, Gulliver's Travels by Swift, Peter Pan by Barrie, The Witches by Dahl, The House in the Cerulean Sea by Klune, Sirene by Pugno, The House of Earth and Blood by Maas, A Christmas Carol by Dickens, some of Banana Yoshimoto

[the-darkness-does-not-bargain]

what are your top music artists and/or bands? 👁️

Now you're rattling the cage 👀

Hands down, my favorite band (and also the greatest ever) is Florence and the Machine. I found their music completely by chance in 2009 and it was over for me. Like, top 0.5% of Spotify listeners (not counting my other music app) over for me.

I enjoy most genres, so my faves are pretty broad from there. I love metal (Sabaton, The Amity Affliction, Black Dahlia Murder, Epica etc.). I love folk music and sea shanties (The High Kings, The Long Johns, Heather Dale).

And I love extremely awesome and extremely niche acts like Heilung, Eivor, and Wardruna who can make me connect with the universal human experience while compelling me to cover myself in war paint and dance around a bonfire in an antler crown.

Pop and other mainstream stuff is great too! Also shoutout to The Mechanisms, who are no longer together but remain the only band brave enough to say "Let’s do The Odyssey as a cyberpunk grunge noir story told by a group of insane, immortal space mercenaries who double as musicians". We'll never have that again 😔.

[mirandamckenni1]

Liked on YouTube: Seven Spires - "Bury You" (Official Music Video) || https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJAfvnj-4Nk || Subscribe To Our Channel: https://ift.tt/o8Wdp4K | Shop our U.S. & EU webstores: https://ift.tt/ahTMR69 | From the album EMERALD SEAS. Buy or Stream: https://ift.tt/7UrBRgY Seven Spires is an American metal quartet who enjoy drawing from across the spectrum of metal and beyond to tell their tales of demons, death, love, and the peculiarities of the human condition. The band’s sophomore album, “Emerald Seas," is a highly emotional, dark, and theatrical epic. “Emerald Seas” is a theatrical concept album, and is the prequel to the story of their debut full-length “Solveig”. The album follows a lone sea captain on their quest for eternal life while being hunted by an ancient beast and struggling with loneliness, sacrifice, alcoholism, and the unexpected weight that comes with achieving one’s goals. Seven Spires’ signature blend of melancholic beauty and emotional brutality on “Emerald Seas” is the sonic manifestation of the silent emptiness that chills one's insides when staring across bleak, open waters. The band explains the influences behind the album, “Musically, “Emerald Seas” is influenced by our usual mix of melodic and extreme metal favorites and Hans Zimmer worship. We immersed ourselves deeply in 19th Century Romantic music and art while writing this record, and I like to think some traits from that era are present as a result. It's highly emotional; sweet and melodic at times, and quite dark and brutal at others, especially when dealing with themes like losing one's fear of death.” The band, as with their debut, collaborated with Sascha Paeth (Avantasia, Kamelot, Epica, etc), who mixed and mastered the album. Incidentally, Adrienne Cowan was handpicked by Paeth to front his new band, Sascha Paeth’s Masters of Ceremony and she is also one of the touring vocalists for the hugely popular Avantasia. Seven Spires met while studying at the world renowned Berklee College of Music in Boston, so we need not spend much time going on about their musical capabilities, but needless to say, the band’s musicianship is in keeping with the metal tradition of tirelessly working to be the best at your craft. Singer Adrienne Cowan is a true talent, with vocals ranging from the beautiful to the demonic, while her bandmates Jack Kosto (guitar), Peter de Reyna (bass), and Chris Dovas (drums) weave intricate musical tales to accompany the lyrical tales presented here. Seven Spires continue Frontiers' tradition of identifying and signing the most promising young talents to ensure that the future of hard rock and metal music is in good hands. Tracklist: 1. Igne Defendit 2. Ghost Of A Dream 3. No Words Exchanged 4. Every Crest 5. Unmapped Darkness 6. Succumb 7. Drowner Of Worlds 8. Silvery Moon 9. Bury You 10. Fearless 11. With Love From The Other Side 12. The Trouble With Eternal Life 13. Emerald Seas Overture Line-up: Adrienne Cowan - Vocals + Keyboards Jack Kosto - Guitar Peter de Reyna - Bass Chris Dovas - Drums Mixed by: Sascha Paeth Mastered by: Miro https://ift.tt/WiApysX https://ift.tt/Q3kFTVv https://twitter.com/SevenSpiresBand/ https://ift.tt/wTq1IhK #SevenSpires #BuryYou #EmeraldSeas 2020 Tour Dates North American Tour with Insomnium and Omnium Gatherum Mar 12 - Apr 18 Amaranthe North American Tour 2020 with Battle Beast Aug 20 - Oct 2 See all dates HERE: https://ift.tt/gB6eLXi Follow Our Spotify Playlists: +Rock Ain't Dead http://spoti.fi/1rQz5Zm +New Breed http://spoti.fi/1Wnkke9 +AOR Forever https://ift.tt/8u6mdQq +Frontiers Classics! https://ift.tt/7D2bNxQ Connect with Frontiers: Facebook - https://ift.tt/43aLt2K Twitter - https://twitter.com/FrontiersMusic1 Instagram - https://ift.tt/9tChZ8P Website - https://ift.tt/ZHC5cpa

[khelinski]

Black Hole Sun

An \m/  story.

Bleed Together

I woke up this morning with the biggest headache in the world. We’ve been in the studio for the past six months, attempting to record an album. Nothing would come out. Nothing. After the \m/ album, we haven’t been able to find the magic. We took a break for a while after that tour, everyone in the band going their separate ways. Then when Axl Rose and Slash decided to tour together, reforming Guns N’ Roses, we got inspired to get our band, Outsider’s Vengeance, back together. Kelly, Tim, Ellie, and I walked into the studio, anticipating that we were going to make the be-all, end-all album of all albums. The epicest epic of epic epicness that would make the band, Epica, proud! But nothing would come out. It was like being in Andrew’s studio as a kid, glancing at each other, dreaming of rock 'n’ roll dreams with no clear direction on how to get there.

           We stared at each other with our instruments in our hands. I would start strumming a note, then be reluctant about it, then look down. Everyone else in the band would be guilty of doing the same thing. Six months, we’ve locked ourselves in the studio for eight hours, staring at each other. Maybe Arjen Anthony Lucassen was right - every song had been sung before, every chord had been overplayed.

           It was very discouraging. On top of that, we were depressed with the daily news of our new President (or, at least, I was). What the fuck was America smoking in November? From March on, I deactivated my Facebook and turned off my radar to anything that didn’t involve our new album; we were unable to get out. At first, I thought maybe - just maybe - that would create a new muse for me. Shut off the world while enhancing my senses to create. But. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.

I lay there in bed, looking out the window as the sunrays produced light in my room. Ellie was already up, making coffee. Tim Hortons ground coffee, to be exact. We might be Florida residents, sure. But you can’t take the North away from us. I could smell the coffee brewing. I got up, got dressed, and walked into the kitchen. Ellie already had a cup ready for me. She walked toward me, gave me a kiss, and headed to the bathroom. A few moments later, the shower could be heard.  

           I couldn’t say that we were in a rut. I’ve been so damn happy since we’ve gotten married. She’s the love of my life…a bright light, dare I say. But we haven’t really talked much since we’ve been pushing to get out a masterpiece album. We have our quiet, content moments. That was the beauty of us - we could enjoy each other’s company without feeling the need to entertain each other. Still, there had been something missing between us.

Outshined

As we got to the studio, and I could hear Soundgarden’s Superunknown album real loud. There hasn’t been music played in our studio in a good, long while. It actually sounded great. Chris Cornell was screaming “SPOOOOONNNNNNNMANNNNNN” as I approached Kelly and Tim, sitting at a computer desk, eyeballing the lighted screen. That was also a little odd. It was agreed that we all shut out the world, and the computer was part of the world. Then I thought, 'shit, our new President finally started WW3, over a Tweet!’ My mind was trailing off to anything and everything he could’ve done/said (and lately, anything/everything is quite possible).

           Kelly looked up, nudged Tim in the arm. They both blinked at Ellie and me. No words were said, except for the hard rock rage of Soundgarden blasting through the speakers. Kelly looked like she was crying. After a few moments of what could possibly be the worst staring contest in the sad, long history of staring contests, Ellie broke the tension and asked, simply:

           “What’s up, guys?”  

           Tim and Kelly couldn’t speak. So I walked around them and looked at what they were looking at. It was a news story from WDIV, a news station from Detroit. The headline read:

“Chris Cornell ended the last performance of his life with a song about death”

The only thing I could say was:

           “WHAT THE FUCK!?!”

           After I finished saying what Kelly and Tim must’ve been thinking all morning, Ellie walked over and read the same article I was reading. 

Pretty Noose

Soundgarden played a gig at the Fox Theater in our home state that night. We’ve never played there, but I did go there as a kid to see the band Yes in concert. All I recall was it was an old, beautiful building.

           Chris Cornell closed the show with a cover of Led Zeppelin’s “In My Time of Dying.” After the show, he went to his hotel room and hanged himself, echoing the death of Kurt Cobain, and Robin Williams, and our very own Andrew Carter.

           I collapsed at the nearest chair and stared at our unoccupied instruments. They were making great dust collectors as of late. No one in the room said anything for what seemed like forever. Even once the Soundgarden album ended, we just sat there - shuffling (and reshuffling) our thoughts.  

           Tim finally piped up and said:

           “Sara called Kelly this morning and told her about it. I didn’t find out until I met Kelly in the studio. I didn’t want to believe her until I pulled up the story. Unfucking real, man.”  

           Kelly took a Kleenex and blew her nose. Even Ellie was sniffling a little bit. Right there and then, a heavy amount of emotion took over me. I started welling up. I broke down. I cried. I screamed. I was a wreck. I got up faster than my body demanded, and raced out of the studio. My head was feeling lightheaded, but that didn’t stop me. I was on a mission: to get the fuck out of there any way possible.

           I ran out of the building and kept running. I wasn’t athletic at all and never jogged a day in my life. But this seemed like a great time to pick it up. 

The Day I Tried to Live

I had no destination. I just ran. I found a bench a few miles away from the studio and sat. A combination of snot and tears was all over my face. I was all kinds of fucked up! Was I distraught over Chris Cornell’s death, or was there something else? I guess what crept into my mind wasn’t so much Cornell, but rather his bandmates. Soundgarden was in the middle of a tour, and their front singer died on them.  

           Brought back memories of our 2008 Untitled tour, when our dear friend Andrew died.  

           I still remember discovering his body in his hotel room the morning after playing the Hard Rock Park. I still remember seeing the empty bottle of pills next to him. I still remember the headphones attached to his cold, dead ears. I still remember the headphones that were connected to his MP3 player. I still remember the two songs that were looped, Black Sabbath 'Solitude’ and our song, ’Dreaming.’ I still remember the paramedics that kicked us out of the room. I still remember the rest of the band approaching us outside the room, asking what happened. I still remember Andrew’s lifeless body being carried out of the room on a gurney. I still remember the funeral back home in Michigan days after. I still remember feeling numbed by then. And I am still numb about it.

           It is something you can’t get out of your head. I’ve thought about it less and less as the years went by, but it still lingered within. Andrew was always on the mind. His influence in the band was there, as it always had been. It’s just…I haven’t deeply thought about Andrew’s death until that moment. Chris Cornell’s death resurfaced those raw, painful feelings and memories.

Nothing to Say

I sat at that bench for a few hours. I figured the rest of the band was back at the studio, grieving in their own way. Didn’t think they would come to find me. Lo and behold, there they were - driving the old and busted La Grange. I got in without saying a word. We ended up having our typical band meal - IHOP, despite not having any appetites. We ate in silence.

           Tim drove us back to the studio in the same old van we had toured all throughout Michigan over a decade ago. The drive was peaceful. No one said a thing. There wasn’t any music in the car. Everyone was in their deep thoughts. When we arrived at the studio, walked through the door inside, and sat in the chairs in the middle of the recording room surrounded by our instruments, we still didn’t say one word to each other. The emotion was high, but what was understood need not to be discussed. We all sensed it. It was obvious. We were still grieving over Andrew’s death. Even Ellie felt it. She knew she came into the band under shitty circumstances. Sure, it had been great. I mean, I did marry her. But. There was still a loss: Andrew Carter. Our bandmate, drummer, friend, brother. He was the one that came up with the band name because we were all Outsiders in this world.  

           I felt for Soundgarden right then. We’ve been there. I think just about every band in the history of rock ‘n’ roll had been there.

           Night came. We all turned in. I stayed in the studio, lying on the couch in the sound booth. I haven’t slept in there since before Ellie joined the band. I dozed on and off. One bad dream after another. I then got up, went to the stereo, and put on one of my favorite Soundgarden songs. I went back to the couch and caught some z’s with a net as Chris Cornell’s flawless voice started narrating my dream.

Black Hole Sun

“I don’t know if I was dreaming, hallucinating, or what - but I just watched one of the greatest supergroup bands that never existed. They were all in our studio, playing our instruments. Andrew was behind Ellie’s drum kit. Keith Emerson was on keyboard. Chris Squire was on bass. And B.B. King. Can you all believe it?!? B.B. fucking King. He was playing my fucking guitar. And they were playing 'Black Hole Sun.’ Except, it was a different version. It was like a metal, folk, proggy, mellow version. It was combined with different rock genres and sub-genres. It was expanded, but still had the sheer essence of Soundgarden’s edge. And best of all, it was something we could do,” I said to the band the next day in the studio.

           Everyone was trying to understand what I was saying. Even I didn’t fully get it. I dreamt it last night - this supergroup band of dead legends, performing a Soundgarden cover. But if there was one thing I was certain about over the years - anytime I dreamed of something absolutely nuts - it turned into one of the best albums we had done. I had a feeling, a stirring, a 'loud love’ 'hands all over’ 'blow up the outside world’ idea of our next album. And it lay somewhere within the confines of Soundgarden’s 'Black Hole Sun.’

           “So, what are you suggesting? Because it sounds like some crazy shite to me!” Ellie said with sarcasm. And she was right. They all looked at me like I was fucking crazy. And maybe I was. But that was rock 'n’ roll, man. 99% fucking crazy. 1% fucking sanity. Funny how the 99% crazy is what made us 100% sane.

           “Ever since we started this band - back with Andrew, we’ve always pushed boundaries - broke new ground. We never sold millions - but we sold enough to have a following. And that following grew. Anytime we did something new, we always pushed ourselves to do something different. What I think we should do is make an album in honor of Soundgarden. In honor of Chris Cornell. In honor of Andrew,” I said.

           “So will this be a cover album?” Kelly asked. She looked interested, but a little skeptical. One thing we all agreed upon: to not make another cover album. We’ve already done two in our career.  

           Instead of explaining what I was getting at, I walked toward my guitar, strapped it around my body, and started playing. I was remembering what the great fucking B.B. King was playing in my dream. It started out as the opening of 'Black Hole Sun.’ But it went into another direction. A direction none of us had heard before. 

Everyone got excited. Tim went to his bass, following my lead. Kelly went to her keyboards, adding the necessary notes. Ellie was already on her drums the moment I started strumming my guitar. She slowly picked up the pace of the music following me, and then led us where we needed to be. There were no vocals. Like the …and the beat goes on…album, this was an instrumental piece. And like that album, it was somber. There was grief in the mix. The grief of Chris Cornell’s passing (and all the other legends that have passed away the last couple of years). Most of all, there was the grief of our beloved Andrew. I got emotional as we kept on playing.  

           We played for a good sixty minutes. We all felt inspired again. The band was back! We replayed the music, recording it all. The tail-end of our creation - I added some vocals that just seemed right.

           “Won’t you come…won’t you come."

           Once we listened to what we played, we were all proud. It took six months to produce something we recorded in less than a day. The album name was a natural choice.  

           Black Hole Sun.  

           But I didn’t want to dissect the tracks. It was one long track. I also didn’t want to call the song 'Black Hole Sun.’ Kelly piped up and said it should be called, ’…and so the beat still goes on…’

           Very fitting.

 Numb

Two months later, as we were mastering the sound levels of the album we recorded, news circulated to us that Chester Bennington of Linkin Park committed suicide. What made it eerie was he committed suicide right on Chris Cornell’s birthday. We were all stunned in the studio, and that numbness inspired us to record a bonus addition to the Black Hole Sun album.

           We all listed our favorite Linkin Park songs and recorded a 45-minute Linkin Park medley (adding a few blips of some Stone Temple Pilots, honoring Chester’s moment in that band). Because this was a heavier contrast to “…and so the beat still goes on” recording, our Linkin Park medley, in which we were calling it appropriately, “With You,” would be on a second-disc of a two-CD set.

           We set out NOT to record a cover album, but, I suppose, we had ‘one more light,’ and it flickered…flickered...

Stop Draggin' My Heart Around

A month and a half later, as we were mastering the sound levels of the “With You” portion of the album, Hurricane Irma impolitely interrupted our work. Luckily, there was no heavy damage around our studio, just a few trees down. Can’t say the same about some of the houses a few blocks from us, with a tree completely collapsed onto a house.

           We continued our work once the storm passed. 

A few weeks later, news circulated to us that Tom Petty passed away.

           My favorite all-time Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers tune will always be “Breakdown.” That was one of the first songs I learned how to play guitar. And I didn’t learn from the studio version of the song. I would attempt to duplicate Petty’s live version.

           Like Steve Miller, Eric Clapton, and David Gilmour – Tom Petty was a maestro guitar great that would often jam on stage, turning a simplistic single you would know by heart (pun glory there) to an unpredictable arrangement of blissful sound.

           No mistake about it, we had to include a Tom Petty tune. But we couldn’t agree with what song to chose. I obviously wanted to do “Breakdown.” Kelly wanted to cover “Wildflowers,” for she felt she was a wildflower and the song always spoke to her. Tim wanted to tackle “Don't Come Around Here No More,” as he phrased it, “it’s a great fucking video, man! You can’t deny that.” I can’t, man. It was a great fucking video.

           Ellie piped up and said:

           “How about we have a dance with Mary Jane, oh hell yes?!?”

           She took her hand toward her mouth and imitated that she was tokin up a joint. We all burst out laughing. Tasteless or not, considering the amount of sadness that plagued our studio as of late, it was a much-needed comedy relief. After our shared chuckles, Ellie suggested one of two things. Either we could record a medley of our favorites like “With You,” or we could pick a unique Petty gem none of us thought of yet. 

“When was the last time any of us talked with Sara?” Kelly asked.  

           That was a random question, out of the blue and all. She then continued to say:

           “We could ask her to a record a duet with us. “Stop Draggin’ My Heart Around.” And instead of Mike singing, we could have Tim sing.”

           Everyone in the studio looked at her and then looked at Tim.

           “I can’t fuckin’ sing, Kelly,” Tim blurted out.

           “Prove it. On cue, sing ‘Free Fallin’” Kelly said.

           Tim’s face flushed a little, but he started mumbling the lyrics to a song everyone and their grandmother knew because Tom Cruise slaughtered the song in a movie once. At first, it was awkward to hear. I am sure it was a lot more awkward for him to sing on the spot. Almost made me think of the time Andrew put me on the spot to sing in front of Kelly and Andrew in Andrew’s studio. Andrew. Our brother, Andrew Carter. A lifetime ago, back when he was still alive, and we were just kids. My mind wandered to a time and place long ago but came back immediately to the present.

           Tim gulped between lyrics and became a little more comfortable. His voice progressed to a more reasonable tone, and it actually wasn’t half bad. In fact, he almost sounded a bit like Tom Petty. I saw why Kelly thought of Tim. My voice didn’t fit Petty’s tone. And with Sara being a former bassist, it would make perfect sense to have the two pair up together.

           We called Sara. She responded with her typical ‘DUDEEEE, FUCK YEAH.’ She flew down. We recorded our cover of Tom Petty/Stevie Nicks gem: “Stop Draggin’ My Heart Around.”

           Sara stayed in town for a bit. It was nice to have her around the studio, like old times. It was the first time Ellie got to spend time with her. They got along great.

About a month later, as we were mastering the sound levels of “Stop Draggin’ My Heart Around,” we learned about the passing of Malcolm Young, bassist for AC/DC. None of us were real avid AC/DC fans. And our album was already jammed packed with material. But thinking about AC/DC got us reminiscing about the early days of the band (back when we were just The Outsiders), outperforming that shitty AC/DC cover band at Buenafest.

In the End

Tragedy happens all the time. Unexpected deaths occur at any given moment, rock greats were no exception (considering we lost our own Andrew Carter). But music would always be played. Be heard. Be remembered.

           And so the beat still goes on…

K.H.; May 18, 2017 - June 10, 2018.

Rock In Peace to Chris Cornell, Chester Bennington, Tom Petty, and Malcolm Young.

[perplexingluciddreams]

hii,,,you had mentioned that you had talked with your family about aac and other options before and was wondering how you brought it up? because for me, not to sure of how to explain (especially since talking is a huge factor in that) hard to talk about physically and emotionally. some people (my OT)worry that with aac ,, my voice and speech troubles will get worse,,

and well….¯\_(ツ)_/¯

also for autism ask game 🍔 🎁 🎧 💬 👩‍👩‍👧‍👦

-(aac video anon) or 🍋 <—lemon was my first idea lmao

mmm... i'm not sure, honestly. i don't fully remember. I've always been as open as i was able to be with my parents, so after my diagnosis i would just text my mum anytime i had something i wanted to mention. and i still do that any time i have anything on any topic to share. a lot of my communication is through texting.

my therapist did say that "not putting in the effort to speak" would lead to less opportunities in life for me which was not nice to hear at the time,,, but i would put emphasis on it getting worse if you are worried about people saying that sort of thing. because as soon as i expressed that it was worsening without my control she was much more understanding.

🍔 do you have any sensory problems with food? what food do you like to eat?

i do have some issues but i mostly just eat the same things over and over again so i don't notice it too much. i love cereal! and bread. and hummus is good. also lollipops for stimming. and chewing gum but only certain flavours.

🎁 what's your special interest(s)?

ooh... i have so many any they change a lot. some are really intense, some just things i enjoy a lot. right now- symphonic metal (nightwish, delain, epica, etc.), BBC Merlin (has been there since i was 7 and i watched it for the first time, i know all the episodes off by heart and for some seasos can even list them in chronological order), AAC (just makes me really happy!). hmmm, i'm sure i'll think of another one later and i'll be annoyed that i forgot it, but that's all I can think of for now!

🎧 which symptom(s) of yours is the hardest for you to deal with?

probably the motor issues, not being able to control my body. but also anxiety and social stuff. it's hard to say cause it's so complex and i find it hard to even understand myself, but the motor issues (along with executive dyfunction) probably impact my life the most.

💬 are you an introvert or an extrovert?

introvert, absolutely. but that's definitely impacted heavily by my autism for me. it makes any interactions way more draining, i naturally don't have much (if any) interest in face-to-face socialisation and i just need a lot of time alone to regulate myself.

👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 do you have friends or family members with autism?

yes, one or two that are diagnosed (I'm not close to them though) and then there's definitely people that are autistic but just not diagnosed, too.

as usual thank you for sending me this!! i like the idea of calling you 🍋 :D. it suits you i think, even though i've only known you through anonymous messages:)

[kollapsar]

music asks: 15, 19, 25 :D

Ooh thank you for the ask Connie! Bear with me if this is formatted weird as I try to come through answering on my phone.

a song that reminds you of traveling:

At this point I basically get roasted for it on any car ride, but I absolutely have to get Lord Huron on when I'm running music on a drive, particularly on the way home. Can't particularly say why other than the energy just being... Really good for long trips that I've taken alone before.

Some favorites are "When the Night is Over" and "Fool for Love" but another recent joy has been "Vide Noir".

a song from an artist whose old music you enjoy more than their new music:

"Descent of the Archangel" by Kamelot. Not even to say I dislike the new music, I actually really like it, but Descent and a great deal of Epica and the Fourth Legacy just undeniably fucked. Like, whatever the deal with shit like "Nights of Arabia" and "The Inquisitor" was, it fucked.

the song currently stuck in your head OR the song you are listening to right now:

I couldn't tell you why but "Bite, Scratch and Claw" by the Bastard Suns has been haunting me for probably like two, three weeks at this point. Trading shifts with "Say So" by Doja Cat. Yeah, I don't know either.

Music asks!

[rumor-imbris]

La tua Fatina Lunare!!!

For the asks!!!

Name a movie that makes you genuinely laugh.

What’s a smell that reminds you of home?

Describe the memory of the last time you felt true happiness.

Name a song that makes you feel ethereal.

Talk about something exciting or good that happened to you this year.

Do you believe dreams have meanings or are they completely random?

What’s the sweetest thing someone has done for you?

What’s your zodiac sign? Do you think you fit the general characteristics of that sign?

Do you collect anything? And what are some hobbies you have?

TIGHT HUGS, DEAR!!!

La Fatina Lunare Giulietta 🌙✨

My Lunar Fairyyy! Welcome back *w*

Thank you, let me start!

I'm not so much into comic movies, but... I don't know, I just laugh so much at people slipping, stumbling or weirdly screaming in fear xD

That singular scent you can only smell after it rained.

At the last concert I saw, when the singer took my hand during my favourite song of the setlist.

There are many, I'll name a few:

Alba - Sleeping Romance Abyss of Time - Epica Master the Hurricane - Vision of Atlantis Danse Macabre - Delain Together Again - Evanescence

Hearing my voice in a couple of Netflix shows and read my name in the end credits for the Italian voice-over was definitely the best so far.

I think dreams are some sort of signals from your subconscious, yes. But sometimes they can just be the result of your brain putting images together; I guess it depends on the period you're living, your mood, stress and so on.

When he returned from his journey to Japan, my partner brought me a hoodie with cat ears and the japanese special version of an album I was looking for. And, two months ago, he went back to his hometown to visit his father and when he came back he brought some special heavenly smelling teas called "Green Sun", "The Tea of the Poets" and "The Rose Tea", the latter literally with tiny rose buds to infuse. I was in awe!! Also, when You asked Tricky to draw my muse thanking me for the poems on my birthday *w*

It should be Cancer. Nope.

CDs from my favourite bands, I also have rare singles and EPs... but, shhh, that's a secret! ^_- Beside writing, I love playing videogames (especially survival horrors) baking, singing and watch period dramas.

I hope you enjoyed!

Tight hugs <3

[beyondthetemples-ooc]

This must be my decade for discovering and getting Really Into other bands.

None has yet usurped Evanescence as my Absolute Favorite Band, but in the past 3 years I’ve consistently been getting into New Music and really enjoying it.

2020: Starset! I think I first heard them in a DamiRae DCAMU AMV, and immediately put that particular song on my MP3 player, but Pandora played a LOT of their music on my Evanescence station, and I’ve really enjoyed almost every single one. I was planning to attend a concert in December of last year, actually, but forgot about the date until the concert had already started, and being on the buses, I wouldn’t have gotten there in time to catch it.

2021: Pandora is also to thank for this one! It played enough Amaranthe on my Epica station and I loved every single song I heard by them enough to listen to their whole catalog and fall in love with nearly every single song. I had known they exist and knew I liked their music for a few years because they opened for Within Temptation when I saw them in Detroit and I really enjoyed it, in fact “The Nexus” (and for some reason, ONLY The Nexus) has been on my MP3 player for years, but I didn’t Listen With Dedication until Pandora was like “hey you might like THIS band” and lo, I remembered I LOVE it. Then I listened With Dedication because I was planning to see them in concert and wanted to Know All the Lyrics on the Set List.

2022: Again, I was aware of Shinedown and I had liked the songs I’d heard, but this year Pandora kept playing them on my Evanescence station and I kept loving it enough to explore their whole catalog, and now, once again, it’s the story of I am Planning to Attend a Concert and want to learn the lyrics by then!

I forget what year I got into Edenbridge, but it was also within the past 10 years. (Which may seem like a long time ago, but it’s been nearly that long since I’ve started listening to new music, right up until 2020.)

[addicted-to-his-knife]

Happy october hun I luv your blog!! 🖤🖤🖤 I'd love to hear your thoughts about the cast of a Repo! remake because the other day I was talking w/ a friend about it. It's a great movie I don't think it needs a remake, but there are so many remakes being made, if there was one at least it would be great to get more ppl into the fandom. (Also I think like you... hate TZ, love Repo!) Who would you cast? I have no ideas, except for Isabelle Fuhrman as Shilo, she has the look and was badass in Orphan!

Hello dear anon and a happy October to you too! I love autumn and am really happy the hot days are over for now ^^ Finally it’s time for cozy clothes and hot chocolate <3 

And I’m very happy you enjoy my blog, thanks for letting me know! 

Haha, your question is really great, I had so much fun thinking about it :D But you’re right, it was not quite easy … and took me longer than expected to actually answer, sorry about that. 

I’m pretty sure some obvious choices evaded my mind, but yeah, I had fun imagining different actors and actresses in the roles of our beloved (and not so much xD) characters. 

A lot of Hollywood names are down there … yes, that surprised me as well, but as you said, dear anon, it IS really hard to come up with something (good) ._. Especially when it comes to male singers/actors. I listen mostly to female artists and found it very very hard to think out of the box for the male roles *sigh* So sorry if this is more like boring than entertaining xD

Mh ... for shits and giggles, here’s an all female cast with ladies I love to listen to first :3 Because why not and I feel like it xD

Shilo: Ulli Perhonen (Snow White Blood)

Nathan: Mary Elizabeth McGlynn (Silent Hill)

Marni: Tarja Turunen

Blind Mag: Simone Simons (Epica)

Rotti: Jessica Lange (Because Fckit, she’s perfect xD)

Amber: Marina (Marina and the diamonds)

Pavi: Zora Cock (Blackbriar)

Luigi: Maria Brink (In this moment)

Graves: Lzzy Hale (Halestorm)

And now a list of several other artists I thought of.

Shilo: I’m toootally with you on Isabelle Fuhrman, she was so amazing in The Orphan! And it’s true she’s got that Shilo look :) Another one that came to mind was maybe Sophia Lillis, I loved her in It and on “I Am Not Okay With This”. She has such a great and expressive face, and just imagine all these “What the Fuck”-looks she could give us xD 

Nathan: At first this was tricky, but then, once I thought of him, I wasn’t able to think of anyone else. Namely Hugh Jackman xD He’s got that ambivalence that makes the character of Nathan Wallace, he can be fearsome (think X-Men), but he’s also such a sweetheart and a great “Father” (Les Mis, Greatest Showman). And I think he’d totally rock this part. Oooh, just thinking how he would suffer during “Legal Assassin”, or portraying the transition Nathan -> Repo Man during “Night Surgeon” … I’m getting chills just thinking about it xD 

Blind Mag/Marni Wallace: I’ve put them together because I couldn’t decide between Tarja Turunen (ex-Nightwish) and Simone Simons (Epica) for either. They are both very VERY capable singers (I guess most of you could know them?). And I would LOVE to see Simone in some of Mag’s costumes, because she is sooooo beautiful, but Tarja has that “Mag”-Vibe that would fit so well and yeaaah … I just don’t know ^^’ And since we know Marni was also a singer, it would fit either ^^ But I think I’d like Simone a little bit more … 

Amber: Katharine Isabelle. That was the first one I thought of and she’s the only Amber I can imagine apart from Paris <3 As my followers know, I've loved every second of American Mary because of her, and I think she’d have a lot of fun playing that part. 

Luigi: Bill Skarsgard. He’s got that interesting face while emitting some kind of charme and charisma, and think could really act out on the temper issues xD

Pavi: That was actually quite hard, and I’m not totally happy with the people I came up with. I think it would be funny to use someone who’s naturally good-looking like Zac Efron or Matt Bomer, but then I thought of Ryan Reynolds and how much fun he’d have … But as I said, these are not very good picks :/ 

Graverobber: Also very hard. I thought of different people, but am also not very happy with what I came up with xD Names that popped up are Sacha Baron Cohen, Tim Curry and Johnny Depp. Each special in their own way and quite peculiar, but as Graverobber? Then I thought of Ryan Reynolds again and how funny it would be to see him act out “Zydrate Anatomy” and “Come up and try my new parts” with his wife, Blake Lively xD Mh, but to be honest I have no idea who I’d cast :/ 

Rotti: I actually have more picks for Rotti than I originally thought! At first I thought of Russel Crowe (I loved him and his singing voice on LesMis), then Jack Nicholson came to mind along with Danny DeVito (just for the giggles). Theeeen I thought, Wait, why not try something different? And then I landed on Jessica Lange, and actually loved the idea of making this role female :D I really think Jessica would be amazing.

And last but not least: Rotti’s Bodyguards MUST be played by the Soska Sisters as a cameo xD 

Sorry for the textwall, this escalated a bit :’D