#Dr. Eve's terrible opinions

[exoticalmonde]

So Long, Adele... Was Only Pain and NO Whimsy

Once again, Dr. Eve is a little late to the party, but you must understand that even 11 days into the year, I am already a month and a half behind on everything I wish I could have been doing.

So instead of lamenting my unfinished fanfics and the cross-stitch that's been in box jail since the end of November, we're going on an adventure with Eyjafjalla.

Fair to say, that I didn't finish anything during the rerun last time. It was right after New Year's and let me tell you... I was not in the mood for that at all.

Naturally, we start off with an update on how RI-8 is doing right now.

This means we have the opportunity to look back into it from the POV of someone very opinionated about men and entirely blind to the women on the field.

A...

Ah--- W...Welcome maam. I've been waiting for

A while.

Welcome to the team of my light-hair-coloured women, ignore the Sarkaz sisters, and I hope you have a pleasant stay.

My fields were barren... Still are.

I'm pretty sure whatever I had was already wasted, but that's alright so far. Surely, there's nothing that could possibly mess up your future career as my favourite Instructor...

But why do I hear Kazimierz's music?

Right, it's because Flametail has also joined the team, in an attempt to rally that E1Max Texas that I've been trying to ignore for the last hm 3 years.

Also, HAPPY NEW YEAR from RI-8 and all of Yan, who are here to celebrate with me in a wild mix between 'enjoy this while you can before we all die' and 'RI has never seen such bliss, glad you're here' type of way.

Okay, updates are done. It was a slow descent into madness this time, nothing too fancy-schmancy.

Here's how So Long, Adele went for me.

---

EyjaBerry is THE best medic so far in my experience. She's not just a single target Wandering Medic like the rest of the Berries, her skills just make healing trivial the way W'Alter manages to make dealing damage feel trivial.

Her S1M3? Unlimited and covers 2 people at the same time.

S2M3? Become an AOE Shining, but better for all I know, because I don't have her. Would I have pulled for her now? Absolutely, she is doing a much better job protecting my allies from the enemy than anybody else could.

I'm sorry Lumen, despite Dr. Pinkie's constant confusion between the words, being a Wanderer and a Therapist are two different things and you specialize in the things you do.

S3M3? Don'tDieInator3000, global.

---

Last time I saw Sw'Alter actually being used was during the Icebreaker Event and it was because Dr. Pinkie had the ingenious idea to use her bottles to charge the machines. For any players out there, you know what I am talking about.

After ages of playing this game, I finally realized that some peaceable objects like that charge the SP machines just like that.

She looks good though. Merchant. With Lee and Mr. Nothing, I don't need another DP-leech for the job. I'm comparing her to Lee, so Sw'Alter seems to have less health, but better damage in the base stages. Her abilities have a funky range.

S1M3 - Medic defenders all over the place with 1 block.

S2M3 - A typical Trapmaster ability

S3M3 - An unlimited duration skill, with a knockback that

---

If there were characters who were thrown in a black hole never to be seen again, it's Conviction and Poncirus. From what I know about the story, she only shows up at the end too.

We've been talking with the other Doctors about how recently the characters who are featured on the banner alongside the 6 star are completely irrelevant story-wise.

None of the new Babel characters were ever shown up. They weren't even FROM Babel.

These gripes aside,

Compared to Texas, exact same S1 with the same 12 DP, wait time and everything on M3. However, what I just found out was that her second skill actually looks pretty good. She's with better health, less attack and better defence on the Max levels. Defensive Pioneer Vanguards have served me better than offensive ones.

---

Bryophyta is in a weird spot because he's an Instructor in a world where only 5 in total exist. Which isn't a few, but it's not a lot either.

Pallas is the best by a margin because of Bryo's 5-star debuff (and he's a shop-erator), but since he's Dr. Lundi claimed, I have to say something nice about him or the sniper on the roof next door is going to get me.

I feel like all of them would benefit from the INS-Y Module, being able to be deployed on a ranged tile extends their versatility better since their whole gimmick is 'Don't Block for Damage'.

His S1M3 is a delight to see. The second the words 'Next attack' show up on screen I feel power. Nothing to write home about though.

But what about his S2M3----

Oh. Stuns self. Okay. I didn't need him anyway.

---

That was all for the operators. Now to the event itself.

Did I read anything out of this event's story? I did not. Would I let Pinkie explain everything to me? They did. Did I love the trailer and the music? You bet. Did I hate the event? Entirely.

You see, while I do like this 'being forced to think' situation during events, especially for EX or S stages because I understand that the enjoyment of the game is as much gimmick and working with what you have, as it is... a strategy game.

However, Dr. Eve being Eve, I end up thinking myself into a corner. The operators I level up aren't always the ones that I need.

Very rarely in fact.

Look at my wife's list. Look at my husband's list! Not a single person can handle 3 enemies at once unless they are a defender. Nobody does enough damage the way I needed them to.

I guided Dr. Kryo through SL-S-5 and some of the earlier challenges and he was adamant that he didn't want a W'Alter guide. I respect that, we're all quirky and he didn't get a W'Alter during her run. It worked out well for him.

I knew he struggled for the CM on SL-S-4 because we were in call during the time and I was crying about SL-S-3 CM, thinking 4 and 5 would be worse.

Mind you, this man thinks when he levels up (most of) his characters though. Mudrock Max, Ines, Kal'tsit, Blaze, Hoshi. He got Mlynar, he has Logos, EyjaBerry.

The last time we struggled so much was during Stultifera. A LONG time ago, because back then - me nor Dr. Kryo had Lappland.

I didn't even try to think too hard about the levels at first. EX-1 to 8 were absolutely fine, S-1 and 2, even 3 were great. I managed S-5 in three tries or something with Kryo guiding me since it was late and I didn't feel like thinking.

I spent an entire afternoon on SL-S-4 CM.

Watched every single video guide. Nothing worked.

I couldn't manage to put down bottles for Lundi's Ex'Alter in the top blue exit.

DP not enough at any point.

Why are these bottles taking so long???

My Mudrock wasn't strong enough when I needed W'Alter. She was also not lvl90 or S3M3.

Instead of Mudrock, why not use Penance, she's mean to handle more enemies, right? Wrong. Gets eaten alive by the sheep. You're starting to understand who was being problematic.

My Kal'tsit isn't lvl90 and only S3M1, which was not enough.

Also don't have the modules for Mudrock, nor for Kal.

My allies kept dying on the bottom side. Hoshiguma was useless, using Nian for her innate skill was perfect.

They kept leaking past the 15/20 enemy count. Bam, put Shu behind Nian.

I figured out that the leakage mainly happened topside. I need someone who could do a lot of damage to a lot of people in a line since the magician goats are being a bother.

Hoederer S2M3 but his second phase for the +1 block count. He's too slow, that's not S3, what was I even thinking???

I don't have Ines and Silverash/Puzzle doesn't work the way she does.

I don't have Ascalon. I don't have Reed Alter. I don't have Mlynar.

Logos instead of Eyjafjalla does wonders for my mental health though.

Freaking Kazdelian Bubbling Hotpot, why are my Ling's dragons so easily perishable, she's lvl60 with the module.

Fiddled with this video for a little bit, but my ability to look with one eye in one direction and use the other for the other direction really made things unfortunate when I had to manage Pinecone's skill and also block the oncoming enemies.

If that doesn't work out, fine.

This one should work. I'm just going to borrow a Sk'Alter.

Blaze dies.

Ah, I don't have Nightingale, so I thought putting perfumer there would work. Let's switch it up, Perfumer goes in Ptilopsis' place.

Blaze doesn't die. She leaks instead.

Alright, then I will add someone to help with the enemies. Uh.

Tries again. Mission Failed.

Tries again. Mission Failed.

Tries again. Mission Failed.

Tries again. Mission Failed.

Sanity is still 133 from how much I've been wasting my time

Tries again. Perfects the bottom side strat, so I need to pay attention to my Blaze.

Mission Failed.

Oh, come on.

I'm starting to get angry, because the problem isn't anything else, BUT Blaze.

Civilight Eterna S2, borrow a Nightingale from Dr. Kryo.

Tries again. Mission Failed.

Tries again. Mission Failed.

Alright. I give up. I can't do this anymore. I'm gone. I'm done. I just won't get the complete medal set.

Goes to bed.

Wakes up.

...

...

...

New day, New me. Let's get Arknightsing.

Okay, that previous run should've worked fine. Let's go back and see what I was doing to figure out what to tweak.

Wanqing in front of bottom blue box.

Nian is in the corner. Soda box in front of her.

Myrtle below her to optimize DP.

Exusiai when I have 30 DP, so I can immediately plop Perfumer.

Box blows up a bit late because of the DP drawback with Exusiai and Perfumer, drop Bagpipe to break the box on the top blue exit because the skateboard sheep will be coming soon.

Earn back that 13 DP.

Logos under Perfumer, remove Myrtle after skill.

Blaze > Sk'Alter > Ptilopsis.

Remove Wanqing, put down Shu.

Discrepancy happens for Blaze again.

Wait a minute...

I don't want to look at this event ever again in my LIFE.

SO LONG, Adele.

[saintmeghanmarkle]

Comment by Nathan Kay in the Express: Meghan Markle's speech feels like a 'terribly disrespectful move' as Firm remembers Queen. by u/Von_und_zu_

Comment by Nathan Kay in the Express: Meghan Markle's speech feels like a 'terribly disrespectful move' as Firm remembers Queen. COMMENT: The timing of Meghan Markle's latest appearance raises eyebrows, as it occurred on the eve of the second anniversary of the late Queen Elizabeth II's passing.Disrespectful? CheckSelf-promotion? CheckAttempting to overshadow an important royal moment? CheckHanging with "non-entities"? CheckThe timing of Meghan's appearance raises eyebrows, as it occurred on the eve of the second anniversary of the late Queen Elizabeth II’s passing. It feels like a terribly disrespectful move to me, and it’s hard to believe Harry would have allowed it to happen. [Um, actually it is right on brand.] After all, he was supposed to have been the late Queen's favourite grandson, and they adored each other. [Harold said that. No one else said that.] I know I would have had far more respect for the anniversary of my late grandmother's death. [You sound decent. Harold is not.]Surely, both Meghan and Harry would have anticipated that coverage of this event would dominate the headlines the following day - precisely when the rest of the Royal Family is quietly honouring the Queen’s memory. [Of course they anticipated it. That was the point.]***The so-called 'star-studded' gathering - which didn't really have that many 'stars' - included figures such as Marco Leone, Dr. Jennifer Freed, and psychic medium Laura Lynne Jackson. [I guess he has never heard of these people either.] Spending time with these non-entities rather than with family in Blighty to commemorate such an important milestone, only goes to show where the Sussexes' hearts lie - in increasing their profiles and adding to their bank balance. [Right on brand.]**If only Harry and Meghan could boast a similar sense of achievement rather than riding on the backs of Hollywood rejects. [Like finds like. They are Hollywood rejects too.] Since stepping back from their royal duties in 2020, the Duke and Duchess of Sussex have frequently made headlines with their media ventures. From their bombshell interview with Oprah Winfrey in 2021, where they made shocking claims about their life within the Royal Family, to Prince Harry’s memoir, Spare, which pulled back the curtain on years of royal tensions, the couple has often been accused of overshadowing major royal events. [They are accused of trying to overshadow royal events because it is true.] This latest appearance only adds to the perception that their actions sometimes lack the awareness and sensitivity expected in such moments. Trying to make major royal milestones about themselves instead of about who they should be won't win back the public. [It is not merely perception. It is reality. Nothing and no one else matters in their tiny self obsessed brains.] While it’s clear the Sussexes are carving out their own path, moments like these serve as a reminder that timing, especially in matters of family and public sentiment, means everything. And Meghan's speech last night missed the mark by a good few days or more! [Dude, she did this on purpose.]https://ift.tt/tLoJv5G post link: https://ift.tt/nJYlBQP author: Von_und_zu_ submitted: September 09, 2024 at 10:51AM via SaintMeghanMarkle on Reddit disclaimer: all views + opinions expressed by the author of this post, as well as any comments and reblogs, are solely the author's own; they do not necessarily reflect the views of the administrator of this Tumblr blog. For entertainment only.

[mousy-nona]

All of God's Angels p. 3/5

I think you will like His newest creation, Gabriel mused. I’ve foreseen a challenge for you. An equal. A partner, tall and beautiful and terrible, and crowned in red. // Or Lucifer tries to save a life, and ends up making a deal instead.

All parts up on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/53800450/chapters/136173307

Contrary to popular belief, Lucifer hadn’t always hated humans. Truth be told, he still didn’t. He was disappointed in their bloody, chaotic, meaningless choices, but he didn’t think they were all bad. 

Humans fought. They felt. They changed. They dreamed. Angels, on the other hand, were like static figurines, perfect from inception, nothing but boring old tools meant to forge the Father’s holy vision. 

Was it little wonder why he was so drawn to Alastor? On the outside, the demon was everything he despised about humanity. He was cruel and sadistic to the extreme, selfish and cutthroat. Hell had been made to contain sinners like him. He was exactly why Lucifer regretted setting Eve free — the embodiment of greed and pride and pain for the sake of pain.

But he was also everything Lucifer loved about humans. The ingenuity. The ambition. He could sing like the goddamn stars and whip out a sonnet or two after. He was genteel and sophisticated, with a quick wit and a silver tongue sharp enough to cut the Devil. And he was already starting to change – not a lot, not at his core, but the gentle atmosphere of the hotel and Charlie’s endless optimism were softening his hard edges. 

A monster and a gentleman. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, for the price of one. Had there ever been a more fascinating man? 

He could not die. He could not die. Not now, not when Lucifer had just found him. 

But oh, Death was close. Lucifer could feel his scythe trembling nearby, ready to swing. This injury…even in the dim light of the fireflies, he could see it ran to the very heart of Alastor. Literally. His chest gaped open where Adam’s blast had run him through, exposing him down to his very bones and his twitching cardiac muscles. An inch to the left, and he would have never walked away from the battle. An open heart, flayed open for all the world to see! 

Good Lord, the strength it must have taken to walk around as if nothing was wrong. Lucifer shuddered, blanching at the mere thought. If their positions had been reversed, would he be able to do such a thing?

(No. He wouldn’t.)

“This isn’t a freak show, my good fellow,” his radio static came from the darkness, somehow, impossibly, still measured and even. “If you’ve got an opinion, now’s the time to share it.”

“Y-y-you–” Lucifer shook his head, annoyed at the stutter. How was he the one showing weakness when Alastor was laid up in bed with his chest carved in half? “It hasssn’t healed at all!”

He stopped abruptly at the hiss and felt his tongue. It was forked. What the Hell? Slowly, he reached up and felt his head…where twin horns protruded from under his hat. 

He’d transformed? When? 

With an effort, he managed to shrink himself back to his normal shape, puzzled at his complete lack of control. That kind of behavior was unlike him. 

“I assumed that’s what you were here for,” came the exasperated reply. “Considering angelic power is your area of expertise, not mine.” 

“I’ll need to come closer–” 

“No need. You can see perfectly fine from where you are.” 

“I can’t help you if I can’t see!” Lucifer snapped.

“Then leave.”

Static and green symbols flashed across the room. The muggy warmth of the bayou turned ice cold as a surge of shadow swept the door open. It banged mournfully on its hinges, letting out a ghostly wail of protest. 

Lucifer straightened, feeling his own fire flicker in response. “Do you really want to die so badly? Why are you being so goddamn stubborn?”

“Why. Are. You?” 

Twin radio dials lit up the far corner with a hellish red beam. Lucifer could see Alastor’s face in full for the first time – and it scared him. 

He wasn’t scared for Alastor. He was scared for himself.

Alastor was grinning. It was the smile of the void, the smile of the shadow and the dark and the monster beneath your bed a second before they struck. It was the smile of a Dealmaker, right before they revealed their hand. Somehow, impossibly, it was Alastor that held all the cards – even though it was Alastor who was knocking on Death’s door. 

How? How the Hell was he doing it? 

And maybe something was deeply wrong with Lucifer, but he found himself leaning forward, a shock of affection washing over his long-dead heart. This was what it meant to be human. This is why he gave Eve the apple. 

All that potential. Finally realized.

Then Alastor said it. Those famous last words. “Let’s make a deal, shall we?” 

Lucifer gulped, his heart beating double time. He was sure Alastor could hear it. “A deal? For my soul?” He was torn between laughing incredulously at Alastor’s sheer gall and fighting the urge to finish the job Adam had started. Did he even have a soul to give?

(Why was he even considering it?)

“Why no! Why must everyone jump to such severe conclusions?” The fucker sounded downright jolly. “Just a gentleman’s agreement, that’s all. A promise for a promise. No souls involved!” 

“And why should I agree to that? I’m trying to help you.” 

“Yes, that’s true. But you seem rather…insistent on this healing business. And while I must admit I’m in a hurry to, ah, be whole again – I’m in no hurry to do it your way!”

Lucifer gaped. “You must be joking. You’re bleeding out in front of me!” 

“A small miscalculation. I’ve gotten out of worse scrapes before, I assure you.” 

Was he bluffing? Was he serious? Try as he might, Lucifer couldn’t get a read on him. Alastor was like this – always half-there, a shadow that flitted away every time he tried to get close, defying reason, defying explanation. 

Would he really risk death – just to one up him? 

Lucifer didn’t know. And Jesus flipping Christ , why did that excite him so much?

There was no reason for him to play the Radio Demon’s games. He could leave. He could leave right now and he opened his mouth to tell that smug, no-good asshole exactly that –

But what came out of his mouth was, “What kind of a deal?” 

The air turned hot and sticky. Shadows swirled around him, barely-there faces licking their chops in anticipation. Alastor’s voice seemed to grow and deepen, his presence so thick it was a wonder Lucifer didn’t choke on it. “Like I said before, just a promise. You get to heal me, and I – well, I haven’t quite decided what I’d like to receive in return.” His smile was neon green and eager. “Perhaps you’ll take a carte blanche?”

The bastard wanted a blank check to cash in on a rainy day. That was dangerous. Lucifer would basically be handing him the keys to the castle. He couldn’t agree to this. 

“There must be something you want,” he tried to reason with the beast. “Power? Wealth? Your enemies destroyed, in a matter of seconds?” 

But Alastor, that black-hearted creature of the deep, shook his head. “My bargain, my terms, your Majesty . What do you say? Do we have a deal?”

He should leave. He needed to leave . But he could still hear Alastor’s lifeblood drip drip dripping away on the floorboards – see every beat of the man’s heart pulse against the muggy bayou air – sense Alastor’s power ebbing at the edges, being spun away into nothingness that even his jovial facade couldn’t hide…

Alastor had upped the stakes with his life. And Lucifer wasn’t quite willing to take that wager. 

“On one condition. I choose the method of healing. You aren’t allowed to fight me on it.” 

Alastor pondered those terms for a minute, then held out his hand. 

“We have a deal.” 

[doll-elvis]

How and why did Elvis go down hill so fast after the Aloha from Hawaii concert

ahh this is a really interesting question, thank you for the ask <3 !! also I’m sorry if I didn’t interpret this correctly and if you mean’t the immediate aftermath of the special, I kind of answered in terms of the long run 😭

now this might be an unpopular opinion but I don’t believe that Elvis actually ever went ‘downhill’ at a constant or steady rate

Many fans, biographers, and reviewers sort of see the Aloha special as ‘past the point of no return’ for Elvis, meaning they see it his last moment of “greatness”, or the last moment where he was truly on top

The Aloha special was no doubt a peak moment for Elvis, but I don’t definitely don’t view it as his “final truly great moment”. I also don't see the special as him reaching the top of the mountain and then next 4 years are him going down it. I see the special as one peak of many, in fact I think he continued to have peak moments up until his passing, which is why the suddenness of his death is so tragic because I don’t believe he was done. He was of course physically not well but not to the point that he wouldn’t have been able to overcome it if he had more time and proper care

Another reason that I can’t say he ever steadily declined is because that throughout his career, particularly in the 60s and 70s, Elvis had periods of highs and lows that often coincided with how his personal life was going i.e family, friends, girlfriends etc.etc

For example the tail end of the summer in 1976 was a particularly rough patch for Elvis. His health was declining, his relationship with Linda was on its’ last legs, his group was split (Dave, Red and Sonny had been fired), and Doctor Nick even stopped being his physician after a fallout had occurred and Doctor Elias Ghanem stepped in

Doctor Ghanem was even more neglectful in taking care of Elvis and as a result Elvis was loaded up on anti-depressants, sleeping pills, and other extremely debilitating narcotics. He was rendered almost completely incontinent. Thus resulting in one of Elvis’ worst tours yet, and one of his worst rated shows ever aka ‘Houston we have a problem’ which was taped on August 28th 1976

Reportedly Elvis was slurring and stumbling so badly on stage that several fans walked out, one reviewer even noted fans crying as they left

“People had witnessed the side effects from Elvis's medications during his performance in Houston. Elvis had taken Sparine (for depression), which contributed to muscle and speech problems. It knocked the bottom out of him, dropped his blood pressure. He couldn't do diddly-squat”

excerpt from the book “The King and Dr. Nick” by George Nichopoulos

It was one terrible show/performance after the next and Elvis was pushing himself to the limits and suffering because of it. According to band members Elvis had to be convinced to go on stage because he was so worried about disappointing the crowd. He wanted to perform better but his body physically wouldn’t let him. It was so terrible that just after 3 days of Elvis being under Doctor Ghanem’s care, Doctor Nick was called back and began working again to regulate Elvis’ prescription use

And then on November 19th, 1976, Elvis met 20-year-old Ginger Alden, and to just say he had “improved” would be a massive understatement. He began performing like he hadn’t been for years, resulting in one of his best tours, and some of his best shows such as his New Year’s Eve performance on December 31st, 1976. And more than just his career/shows, Elvis’ mood had visibly lifted, he was out of his depression and he was much more optimistic for the future

excerpt from the book “Elvis: My best man” by George Klein

excerpt from the book “If I can dream” by Larry Geller

So Elvis went from having one of his worst-rated concerts, to one of his best-rated concerts in just the span of a few months, which again proves to me at least that his “decline” wasn’t steady

When he was motivated and inspired, he could do incredibly great things, whether that motivation came from a single girl he wanted to impress in the audience or billions of people around the world like in the Aloha special

And this pattern can be seen throughout his career

Like in the 60s where Elvis would tend to let himself go a little bit between films and then when a script was given for his next picture, he would find the motivation to get back “in shape”, even reducing the amount of prescriptions pills he was taking in order to do so

But even the films eventually grew tiresome and Elvis didn’t find that motivation for his career again until the 68 comeback special. dontbeecruel breaks down the lead up to the special like Shakespeare I swear- please take the time to read it for yourself if you haven’t (it’s amazing) 😩 ⬇️

Another instance in the 70s where Elvis was able to recover from a low/downhill period and rise again was after his divorce with Priscilla. His saving grace, inspiration, and motivation this time came to him as Linda Thompson

excerpt from the book “A Little thing called Life” by Linda Thompson

The divorce undoubtedly caused was one of the lowest periods in Elvis’ life. He began taking pills and prescriptions that he had never had before such as Demerol and Dilaudid, his behavior became more erratic than ever, and he was in a deep depression, resulting in the decline of both his physical and mental health

It took him a while to recover but he eventually did, and I do honestly credit that to Linda’s presence in his life as she helped him move on

excerpt from “A Little thing called Life” by Linda Thompson

This decline and then rise can even be seen physically ⬇️

Left: Elvis in 1973, the day his divorce was finalized, where Priscilla says she was stricken by his appearance and worried for his health

Right: Elvis in 1974, visibly healthier, and performing in one of his best shows of a incredible tour

So again, Elvis went from enduring one of the worst periods of his life, declining mentally and physically, to improving and performing at his best again… all within the span of a year

I guess that’s why it breaks my heart when people act like Elvis’ last great moment was at 38 in the Aloha Special, and then every year after that was just downhill. He was always singing his heart out as best he could, even towards the end, and again, if his career was managed in his best interest and if his doctors acted in his best interest, I believe he would have many more moments like the Aloha special, he just wasn’t given enough time to do so

[talesfromsiteredacted]

Everybody Hates Adam

While there are many diverse opinions and mindsets here in the Foundation, we can all agree on one thing: Adam, the first man... is by no means a tough act to follow.

There's not a lot of consensus here, and by and large we aren't supposed to really feel one way or another about the anomalies in our custody. We do all agree on a few things; the first snowfall of the year feels like magic, 999 and 343 give the best hugs, Cain is an absolute gem, Dr. Bright is nuts... and 343's son can choke on a bag of dicks. I've met the guy once... gotta say Lilith and Eve both made the right call in dumping him. Here are some collected thoughts on Adam, from those who know him best.

The Administrator: "I swear, I know 13 languages and I cannot string the right words to convey how much I want to run him over with a zamboni."

Lilith: "My ex? Oh, you mean the King of Inadequacy? Hope he drops dead."

Eve: "I'd say screw that guy, but he's lousy in bed."

Lilith: "Eve, honey... isn't that what got us in trouble in the first place?"

Cain: "As much as I do not wish to speak ill of my father... he is not a very nice man, and I do not wish to ever see him again."

Abel: "I hate my father, even more than my brother. If I see him, I will strike him dead myself. There will not even be enough left to bury."

Dr. Bright: "Anyone who says I have issues, go talk to Adam. I'm sane compared to him."

343: "Easily my biggest mistake since the mosquito. I regret creating him." A pause. "I should have made Eve first."

Seth: "My father is an absolute asshole."

Dr. Gears: "Worst. Father. Ever! He doesn't deserve his children, especially not 073. Frankly, we're shocked they're related. I can see the resemblance to 076-2 in some ways. They have the same temper."

Dr. Bright: "I've met terrible fathers, but Adam is easily the worst."

Dr. Clef: "I see him, I'm shooting him in the junk. With an Uzi. Until the clip runs dry. Especially after what 073 told us."

Dr. Glass: "Normally, I'm against neutralizing anomalies. In his case, I wholeheartedly recommend it."

Dr. Iceberg: "Let me at him, I'll make him a true Popcicle."

Mikell Bright: "Man gives fathers a bad name."

035: "Adam makes me look like the most empathetic anomaly here. I hate him."

Agent Thompson (Iris): "That guy needs a hug. From 173."

682: "I wouldn't eat him. I'm not a fan of junk food."

Yeah... much like Tuna Surprise... nobody likes Adam much.

[sussseeey]

Not overshadowed just SEO

Comment by Nathan Kay in the Express: Meghan Markle's speech feels like a 'terribly disrespectful move' as Firm remembers Queen.

COMMENT: The timing of Meghan Markle's latest appearance raises eyebrows, as it occurred on the eve of the second anniversary of the late Queen Elizabeth II's passing.Disrespectful? CheckSelf-promotion? CheckAttempting to overshadow an important royal moment? CheckHanging with "non-entities"? CheckThe timing of Meghan's appearance raises eyebrows, as it occurred on the eve of the second anniversary of the late Queen Elizabeth II’s passing. It feels like a terribly disrespectful move to me, and it’s hard to believe Harry would have allowed it to happen. [Um, actually it is right on brand.] After all, he was supposed to have been the late Queen's favourite grandson, and they adored each other. [Harold said that. No one else said that.] I know I would have had far more respect for the anniversary of my late grandmother's death. [You sound decent. Harold is not.]Surely, both Meghan and Harry would have anticipated that coverage of this event would dominate the headlines the following day - precisely when the rest of the Royal Family is quietly honouring the Queen’s memory. [Of course they anticipated it. That was the point.]***The so-called 'star-studded' gathering - which didn't really have that many 'stars' - included figures such as Marco Leone, Dr. Jennifer Freed, and psychic medium Laura Lynne Jackson. [I guess he has never heard of these people either.] Spending time with these non-entities rather than with family in Blighty to commemorate such an important milestone, only goes to show where the Sussexes' hearts lie - in increasing their profiles and adding to their bank balance. [Right on brand.]**If only Harry and Meghan could boast a similar sense of achievement rather than riding on the backs of Hollywood rejects. [Like finds like. They are Hollywood rejects too.] Since stepping back from their royal duties in 2020, the Duke and Duchess of Sussex have frequently made headlines with their media ventures. From their bombshell interview with Oprah Winfrey in 2021, where they made shocking claims about their life within the Royal Family, to Prince Harry’s memoir, Spare, which pulled back the curtain on years of royal tensions, the couple has often been accused of overshadowing major royal events. [They are accused of trying to overshadow royal events because it is true.] This latest appearance only adds to the perception that their actions sometimes lack the awareness and sensitivity expected in such moments. Trying to make major royal milestones about themselves instead of about who they should be won't win back the public. [It is not merely perception. It is reality. Nothing and no one else matters in their tiny self obsessed brains.] While it’s clear the Sussexes are carving out their own path, moments like these serve as a reminder that timing, especially in matters of family and public sentiment, means everything. And Meghan's speech last night missed the mark by a good few days or more! [Dude, she did this on purpose.]https://ift.tt/tLoJv5G

post link: https://ift.tt/nJYlBQP

author: Von_und_zu_

submitted: September 09, 2024 at 10:51AM via SaintMeghanMarkle on Reddit

disclaimer: all views + opinions expressed by the author of this post, as well as any comments and reblogs, are solely the author's own; they do not necessarily reflect the views of the administrator of this Tumblr blog. For entertainment only.

[kedreeva]

So, not a secret that I absolutely love outer space. A short while ago, I decided to give Netflix’s “Another Life” a shot and due to a mix up I accidentally started watching from episode 3 instead of episode 1 (GREAT choice tho, 10/10 recommend) but I went back to watch ep 1 and 2 just to see what they were about. They were okay. Not amazing, but okay. In my personal opinion, some unnecessary things happened, but whatever.

Then, still in a mood to watch some space stuff, I decided to give Netflix’s “Away” a chance as well. Seemed like a fairly classic “I really liked this thing and here’s thing other thing that’s basically the same thing”

And the scary thing was that...... it WAS. I didn’t make it all the way through “Away” (which I will get to in a minute) but the first few episodes are.... almost EXACTLY the same beats as Another Life. A woman (mother of a daughter, lover of a husband) leaves Earth in a spaceship. The spaceship’s crew was previously captained by a man who is still a part of the mission but no longer in command. At least one person on the crew does not like this, and does not think she is fit to lead. There is an attempted mutiny, which is curbed. An illness takes hold in the crew and they must get past it. A major technical malfunction occurs and must be survived. Her life is put in danger in a way that brings the crew together. She misses her daughter terribly. She misses her husband terribly. One of them suffers a damage from illness/injury and she cannot be there for them.

I’m sure that, had I continued watching Away, I would have found even more similarities where each show hit the same beats (which is a whole other conversation about humans coming up with the same stories at the same times unrelated to one another!!), but here’s the thing..... despite their MANY similarities, despite that they are both centered on something I love, “Away” was exhaustingly heterosexual. Even though one of the main characters is a woman that has fallen in love with another woman, her storyline feels very told through the eyes of a straight person. She is in a secret relationship which gets outed against her will (which in itself I’m tired of, but that’s a personal thing), and then has to say goodbye to her lover because Reasons. The captain’s ability to lead the mission is called into question simply because she has a family and they saw her care about them one (1) time (EVEN THOUGH EVERYONE ELSE ON THE SHIP HAS A FAMILY TOO). There’s also a weirdly aggressive “her husband had a stroke and is in a WHEELCHAIR and it is THE WORST and nothing will EVER be good EVER AGAIN if he doesn’t get FIXED” plot going on, and some SUPER weird side plot with the daughter back home who liked this boy and he “surprised” her with a “date” that was just them going to midnight mass on christmas eve (???). Just about the only thing I can commend the show on is that one of the astronauts left his little girl in order to go into space the first time (which was decades ago), and she hasn’t forgiven him since, and he asks her to forgive him because he might die on this mission and she basically tells him “I don’t owe you forgiveness for doing wrong by me.”

I dunno. It was just... I spent a lot of the time I was watching “Away” feeling uncomfortable about it. I didn’t particularly care for any of the characters. or their plotlines. and despite that it was almost exactly the same story I JUST watched and loved the hell out of, but it was exhausting to watch and I didn’t like it at all.

Anyway, TL;DR: if you are wanting to watch a space show and are choosing between “Another Life” and “Away,” pick “Another Life” because it was astronomically better.

[backtothebog]

KE isn't queerbait, since they showed clearly that V Is bi. About the homophobia, well...you have 2 leads with a ust that can be cut with a knife and you keep them separated? That could be because of 3 reasons: 1, you don't know how to write them when they are together. 2, you want the audience to keep watching waiting for their meeting. 3, you don't want to show that kind of relationship os, but you still want that sweet LGBT cred, so you keep teasing but not pleasing: this is homophobia so 1/2

I give you a reason no. 4: it was actually a good decision to have the story go on the way it did. the relationship/story arc just didn't evolve the way you would like it to happen. and thus you are personally frustrated you didn't have your wishes fulfilled. it's just a plain matter of opinion if you liked or didn't like season 3.

that's not just a killing eve issue, I've seen plenty of fandoms with terribly offended fans because their fan theories were wrong or their personal wishes weren't fulfilled. or sometimes people misinterpret the relationships and feelings that are portrayed. and then called that bad writing. and queerbaiting. and homophobic.

it's not an objective fact that villaneve being "kept apart" is bad. that's your view. neither is my view objective and correct that it's actually brilliant story telling. (because otherwise they wouldn't have even remotely evolved the way they did if they wouldn't have been apart. there wouldn't be this tension. I also wouldn't reduce it simply to ust, imo it's so much more meaningful. villaneve it not just about sex. it's not a regular will-they-won't-they type of show.)

I could literally write you an essay on why the killing eve writing is actually brilliant regarding their relationship - if you look at where they started and where they are now.

I would be surprised if you actually were interested in my opinion on this, though. that's why I won't invest more time here.

hmu, though, anyone, if you would actually like to read my takes on this. cuz I have WORDS.

I do want to give you a well meant tip that has has saved me quite some misery, though. so story time: we all remember the lexa debacle. I saw the fan's live reactions, I saw how devastated people were. I was right there. I was sad, too, I loved clexa and I LOVED lexa. yet, I wasn't nearly as down as many others. the reason was, I coincidentally quit the show 2-3 eps before it happened. I was still invested in the characters and it was a hard decision but I disliked the show and the directions it took so much I actually quit. I didn't expect lexa's death but I can't say I was surprised the show went to absolute shit.

if you get into something that you don't like just because you like two characters, it's hardly worth it. I still love clexa. but more often than not one fictional relationship isn't worth sitting through stuff you hate or that frustrates or offends you. if you just want to watch the romantic story arc, there's so many wonderful fans and creators out there that make fanvids, or cut out only the couple's scenes or write fanfic etc. turn to this. it's much more rewarding than sitting through stories that don't interest/anger you. a show shouldn't make you feel bad every week it airs. this is not a school class, you don't have to attend. and if it actually turns out great, you can always catch up again afterwards. just don't let negativity consume you. maybe some things are just not your thing. and that's fine. and there'll also be a nice "ha, I called it" moment when you turn out be right.

TL;DR: just because you, presumably a gay person, aren't pleased ≠ homophobia

And it's okay to quit a show if it frustrates you. it's quite freeing, actually.

[rainwolfheart]

i've been playing lovelink for a few days and i have reviews

Adam/Dominic - total sweetheart. lil basic but I am absolutely spending gems on him. 9/10

Aesha/Samantha - I wanted to like her but I can't deal with the cringe. and mc being so oblivious to game culture. also I am not into the sexy videogame outfits thing. 3/10

Albert/Jonathan - no thanks I don't respect the troops. might match with Albert if I'm desperate to farm gems. 1/10

Alex/Calum - too forward, wish there were more "cool your jets bro" options like there are with Blake/Keanu. also just doesn't feel realistic. "couldn't afford canvas so I painted on myself"??? you can buy canvas at the dollar store, it's good paint that's expensive. try harder. 3/10

Alice/Eve - matched with Eve before I reset and I want her back. didn't get far enough to really get to know her tho. 7/10

Ana/Milena/Ruby - I'm not into the "born sexy yesterday and you're the only human she knows" thing. I think she's super sweet and interesting and I want to help her, but I want her to make real friends and do stuff without mc! the obsession makes me uncomfortable. 3/10

Angel/Emmalyn - super sweet but I want to have nuanced animal rights/veganism conversations with her every time 😬 5/10

Antoine/Noah - one of the only pairs who's never come up! I want to match with Noah and get dog pictures. 5/10

Austin/Damien - ehh could take it or leave it. probably gonna match with Austin to farm gems. maybe I'll be surprised. 2/10

Blake/Keanu - kinda enjoying it. I matched with Blake first with a more femme mc in mind and I was kinda creeped out, but after I reset I matched with Keanu with a more masc mc and I'm into it. he's cuter. wish his pics were actually covered in ink tho?? he's got a sleeve and like 2 big pieces, he's not even the character with the most lmao. 5/10

Charlie/Jake/Zayn - ngl Charlie was one of the reasons I reset. I had already matched with Zayn but I found out Charlie is probably trans and I couldn't not. honestly not super into the storyline, as a theatre major who is a terrible actor, but I can live with it. 6/10

Clementine/Grace - matched with Grace before I reset, gonna go for Clementine tho. Grace has too many "sexy nerd halloween costume" vibes for me. Clementine has the same name as my cat but at least she's less cringe. 4/10

Cpt. Muffin - BEST MATCH. BRING HIM BACK. 11/10.

Dahlia/Rose - I think Dahlia is the most like someone I'd date irl she's too fucking cute. I have spent gems on every single option so far. I am buying an engagement ring and all the snacks as we speak. 10/10.

Daniel/Ryan - matched with Daniel before I reset and probs will again. kept rolling my eyes at his story tho. you can't just breach your NDAs to a random person on a dating app!! 4/10

Didier/Mamoru - waiting patiently for Mamoru.... 5/10

Dr. Vile - I'm a lil disappointed he greyed out so early. I'm having fun with the story but not sold yet. 6/10

Eveline/Jade - had Eveline before I reset and I want her back!!!! possibly my fave after Dahlia and Adam. also the kind of person I'd be into irl. 9/10

Garrett/Rory - pls match with me Garrett. 8/10

Hazel - ??? 4/10

Hugo/Marco - unpopular opinion but I really really dislike him. he's constantly flirting with someone behind Sally's back, I'd call that cheating, and yet you can never be upfront with him. I choose the friendliest options every time and yet he persists. 1/10

Jaden/Skylar - everyone's obsessed with Skylar and I haven't found him yet. curious to see what the hype is about. 5/10

Jamie/Seth - I've heard so little about these two. curious but only vaguely. 5/10

Jasmin/Kayla - pleasantly surprised by how much I like her? I feel like both their profiles don't reflect how they are in conversations at all. wish she and mc weren't such dumbasses tho. 5/10

Julien/William - match with me pls Julien. 6/10

Liam/Min-Jae - matched with Min-Jae briefly before I reset and I'm curious about his story, not sold yet. I'm not into kpop so it's interesting for mc to also be an outsider. 5/10

Michael/Sam - you are a child!!! I don't want to match with them tbh. 1/10

Nicholas - I like the concept but because mc keeps worrying he's pranking them, he sometimes reminds me of those people who are really into historical rp to the point where they pretend to not understand modern life. that da Vinci pic is hilarious. I wish you had the option to talk about being queer in the 18th century with him!! 6/10

Nick - ??? 4/10

Oliver/Stefan - no. 1/10

Raphael/Wyatt - Wyatt looks too much like Shaggy for me 😂 curious to talk to Raphael tho. 4/10

Sage/Vitoria - big titty goth gf. love her. she's not a werewolf yet in my game but I am waiting respectfully. also wish mc wasn't such an asshole after she ditches the first date. 8/10

Sheng/Tomas - idk enough. curious. 4/10

Theo - so mad I missed them. come back. be queer with me. 7/10

Tiros - as long as you don't think too much about how centaur sex works he is so much fun. sexy constantly shirtless man lost on a beach trying to reclaim his honour. sign me up. 6/10

[teacup-crow]

The Christmas Runner

On the 12th Christmas Eve after the world ended, Molly and Carena told someone the story of the Christmas Runner. Major end of S3 spoilers, very minor spoilers for early S5. 

I spent all day in bed and this happened? Will probably go on AO3 once I polish it (and when it’s actually close to Christmas). Promise it’s wholesome!

(In my headcanon here Carena is 15, Molly is 13 and Sara is 7)

“Sam’s givin’ you how much to watch her?” Carena Skeet spluttered, towering over the younger girl, leaning her hands over her head on the brick wall of the housing block. The moon was a sharpened, thin crescent, and lights winked in the guard towers. Over in the main barn, they could faintly hear the twanging of a slightly out-of-tune guitar and some tipsy singing, suggesting the grown-ups’ Christmas Eve party was already in full swing.

Everyone said that Molly Harrison was the prettiest girl in Abel, with blonde curly hair and eyes blue enough to knock out zoms, but right now she was shifting foot-to-foot, looking more irritated than anything else.

“A loaf of crusty bread and a pot of blackcurrant jam, and… you’re not having any of it, Caz.”

“Dr Cohen only promised me a bloody book!” Carena pouted, but avoided stomping her foot. She’d about grown out of that. Nobody would dare call her pretty, but she was too, in a fiercely intimidating way. It was two months until she turned sixteen and could finally start Runner training, and she’d already begun practicing first thing every morning, tearing around the training shed when the sun had barely risen. Where Molly was soft and homely, she was angled and muscular. “You can read it if you let me have a spoonful.”

“That’s a rubbish trade and you know it! I won’t always go along with everything you tell me to do, you know, it’s not fair-“

“Oh blah blah blah, quit whinin’, let’s just get the job done before they realise they double-booked.” She dropped her hands and stalked away. Her foster dad’s old fireman jacket was too big on her, but wearing the king’s clothing added to her swagger.

“You don’t like kids,” Molly pointed out, stumbling a little behind her as she strode off to the front door.

“Kids is fine. Kids is kids. I have, like, fifteen siblings. I know what I’m doing.”

“Yes, and you don’t like any of them. And they’re all the same age as you!”

“What can I say, I’m not good at sharing.” She turned and gazed pointedly at Molly, who shrugged it off. “It doesn’t take two people to babysit a seven year old.”

“Yeah, so go away, Caz. You don’t even want a book.”

“Gotta get on Dr Myers’ and Sam’s good side if I want to be recommended for Runner, don’t I? Janine respects their opinion more than anyone else except Runner Five.”

“So go and sit on guard duty with Runner Five and earn their approval.”

“You jokin’? Five’s batshit.”

“They’re also the only reason we’re not dead, so maybe you should be a bit more respectful.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t try to tell me what to do, Molly Harrison...” Carena’s tone was affronted, teetering on nasty. Then she stopped herself. “But yeah, you’re right. Five’s batshit bonkers, but they’re awesome.”

“And scary?” Molly added.

“Yeah, if you’re a wuss.”

They’d reached the green wooden door of Maxine and Paula’s apartment, a wreath on the outside, a menorah in the window. Sara had hung paper chains all down their part of the corridor. It made both the teenagers smile for a second or two.

Carena knocked, to no reply. She tried again. 

“That’s weird,” she muttered.

“Sara, you in there?” Molly tried, peeking through the window. 

“Sara, we brought chocolate!”

This caused a patter of feet to charge towards the door. Carena grinned. “First rule of kids is lie through your teeth.”

“MOLLY!” Sara sprang through the door in a bright blur of red sweater and green trousers, and jumped into Molly’s outstretched arms. “Did you bring Galileo too?”

Years before, when Archie Jensen had lost Mildred van der Graff to an explosion, Five had managed to get their own chicken back to Abel relatively unscathed. Molly, already interested in animals even as a small child, had adopted Galileo Figaro, a now-geriatric menace with a beak that had lasted longer than anyone expected. The hen had strong memories of her dinosaur roots, and, apart from Molly, Five and Sara, would attack almost anyone who dared enter the coop.

“Galileo’s an old hen, she’s resting.”

“She went cluck-cluck-cluck over the rainbow bridge to Ed Harrison’s stomach, you mean.”

“Caz! Dad would never!” Molly looked scandalised as Carena burst out laughing at her own joke. Thankfully, it went over Sara’s head as she dropped down from Molly’s arms and stared up at Carena’s jacket in awe. Caz ruffled her mop of springy hair affectionately. She liked this kid, at least. It was very difficult not to.

“Hello, baby Sara, how’s it goin’?”

“Good, Princess Caz! I’m making a jigsaw puzzle. It’s got a million trillion pieces!”

“Sounds like an absolute riot. Tell you what, Molly can finish it with you and I’ll heat up the rations.”

Molly nodded despite herself, taking the pudgy little hand in hers and stepping into the cosy apartment. “Okay, let’s go, hopefully we have all the pieces...”

“Daddy had to remake some of the missing ones but he said you can barely tell the difference, sort of! Anyway, you said you had chocolate?”

This was still one of the oldest housing blocks in Abel, but instead of enough bunks for eight people the two rooms comfortably housed the little family of three, bathroom splitting a bedroom on one side and a family room on the other with a table and a bookshelf and warm candle-lit lamps too high for Sara to knock over on the mantelpiece. Woollen throws covered the kind of battered armchairs you sank into and artwork lined the walls. There was even a tidy kitchen corner with a kettle and a camp stove and a stack of chipped plates and mugs. It was one of Carena’s favourite places: better even than sharing a room with some of the roller girls on a rare trip to see her foster dad in London; much better than her own springy bunk in the children’s dorms, the wall behind her chequered curtain plastered in pictures and photos and plans but still not private enough to block out the whining and crying of the little ones all night. It was nice to see a place where a real family lived. When she stood in the centre of the room, she could squeeze her eyes shut and almost picture the faces of her real parents, her actual bedroom, the kitchen they’d had with a white-tiled floor. Or was it sand-coloured tiles? She wasn’t quite sure, not that she’d admit it. Whenever anyone asked, she always said she remembered the pre-zombie world perfectly.

“Caz? Are you heating up the food or...?”

“I’m getting to it!” She stomped towards the stove, where Sara’s parents had already left a few crumbling Tupperware containers of pea soup from the kitchens, and Molly had brought a bowl of eggs to hard boil if they felt snacky. Not particularly inspiring, but then food had been limited for the last week as the kitchens saved all their supplies up for Christmas Day. And none of them knew how to be fussy: Sara and Molly did not remember a time when food was plentiful, and Carena’s last remnants of pickiness had been starved out of her when the Ministry occupied Abel. She’d been nine, and her stomach hadn’t stopped rumbling for that whole terrible ten months. It ached again a little just thinking about it. She wondered if that had left her weaker, permanently damaged her chance to become a Runner or a roller-girl. As if her asthma wasn’t enough of a handicap. Well, she’d do it anyway. Nothing was going to get in her way, least of all the legacy of those who had hurt her foster father. 

“Three bowls of green soup, coming up!” She added a lick of salt, and stirred the metal pot. The ruckus from the square was louder now, almost matched by the younger girls playing with the puzzle behind her.

“I can’t tell if this is supposed to be a man’s face or a rat.”

“Daddy’s not a very good draw-er.”

“I mean… he could use some practice, to be honest. Any clue on where this piece should fit, Caz?”

Carena doled out the bowls and spoons. “Looks like a squiggle with earmuffs to me. Sam’s crap at art.”

“Don’t swear in front of Sara!”

“She’ll be fiiiine,” Carena rolled her eyes. “Lighten up, Molly.”

“Yeah, lighten up, Molly!” Sara echoed jubilantly. “Crap, crap, crap.”

“Okay, you can cut it out now. Eat your dinner.”

Molly changed the subject, sensing another mischievous outburst of swearing on the horizon. “Are you excited for Christmas, Sara?”

“Yeah! Did you hear that we’re going to have a hog roast and potatoes?! And games! And, and, Ms Marsh knitted me a hat and mittens!”

“How do you know about that?” Molly admonished. Sara immediately looked caught in the act.

“I… maybe heard her and Mama talking about it.”

“Did you ‘maybe hear’ or were you spying on your Mama?”

“I wasn’t spying! People just think kids can’t hear stuff!”

“Hey, spyin’ is a great skill, don’t knock it, Mol. Don’t worry, we won’t tell.”

“I wasn’t spying!” Sara drank down the last of her soup, licked the bowl, and pouted adorably. It was hard for the babysitters not to laugh.

“You know, I think that piece might actually be a clockwork mouse. I think it goes down at the bottom…”

They finished the jigsaw with only four missing pieces. “It’s… a big man in a red coat with a white beard! With lots of toys. I’m going to call him Mr Bob.”

“Sara, that’s Santa. Do you not know about Santa?”

“Father Christmas?” Molly tried, although she wasn’t completely confident either. Sara looked blank.

“You know my father is called Sam Yao?”

“No, baby, Santa Claus is different. He brings things to good children at Christmas.” In the back of her mind was an image of Ed in a terribly cobbled together Santa suit, a tiny Molly on his shoulders. A good memory in a flock of bad ones. It twinged in her chest.

“He’s a Runner?”

Carena sighed. “Basically. Yeah. Santa Claus is just another name for the Christmas Runner. Every Christmas Eve, he goes from township to township, leaving gifts for all of the children.”

“How does he get through the gates?”

“Well, duh, he lets the township leaders know what time he’s going to come on Rofflenet first. And he’s really fast, so he doesn’t need to worry about Raiders or zoms. He’s got a big sled drawn by nine dogs for all the presents!”

Sara’s eyes sparkled. “What are the dogs called?”

“Well, the main one is Rudolf, and he’s an, an Irish red setter. Or he wears a red jumper, like you. Something to do with red. The other ones…” she looked to Molly for assistance, and realised the blonde girl was just as enraptured. “The other ones aren’t important.”

“Caz!”

“Fine! Dasher, Dancer, Prancer… Victor?” 

Her mind drew a complete blank. Somewhere in her subconscious, a woman’s voice read the words of Twas the Night Before Christmas, but she couldn’t quite make them out. “Um… Gold, Frankincense, Myrrh and Spam?”

Molly snorted in surprise, her face contorting and shoulders shaking as she tried to hold back a peal of laughter. At least Sara seemed satisfied. “Okay, so how come I don’t hear them all?”

“He sneaks in with magic and only when you’re extremely tired so it’s, like, impossible to stay up to hear. But if you leave a sock on the end of your bed he’s guaranteed to put sommat cool in it.”

“How will he know what I like?”

Molly looked thoughtful. “Maybe you should leave him a list? But you like a lot of things.”

“And my socks are quite small.” Sara looked pensive, kicking her feet in the air to check the size of them. “You two should write lists as well!”

“I’m too old to write one-“ Carena tried, but Sara was already insistently jabbing a pencil and an old receipt at her from a scrap paper drawer in the cabinet.

“These big long lists from the olden days are perfect, we can use the back.”

Carena’s eyes flitted over the receipt. Morrisons. Mango, papaya, hummus, avocadoes. All words she didn’t recognise, foods she would never get to try, and, suddenly intimidated, she laid it down on the table. She wasn’t the strongest reader or writer at the best of times - she’d learned too late, and it was difficult with so many new things in a row. Sara sounded out the letters on her own list as she wrote, her reading already confident.

“Dear Christmas Runner. Thank you for all your hard work, and for taking so many risks to deliver presents…”

Molly glanced over at Carena with a dash of awkward concern. They’d shared a schoolroom as children, and again for the last few years, and had some of the same frustrations, although Molly struggled more with maths and numbers and the purpose and point of algebra and geometry than writing and words. “Can I write both of ours, and you do the pictures? Your drawings are really good.”

Carena nodded, and got up abruptly to wash out the pot and make some tea. Outside, the town choir had drummed up enough numbers to give a few carols a go. She cracked open the window a little to let the sound filter up. 

“I would really like some bubblegum but I know it is hard to find and my mothers don’t like it so don’t worry if you can’t find any. I also like marbles and you can fit lots of them in a sock!”

“You’re already running out of space!”

“Okay. Lots of love from Sara Myers-Cohen-Yao, kiss kiss kiss! What are you going to ask for?”

“Nicer soap,” Molly said, quite serious. “And I need a new metal bucket for chicken feed and milking. Mine is close to holes.”

“A bucket won’t fit in a sock!” Sara scoffed with childish mirth. “That’s ridiculous!”

“I don’t know, she has really big feet.” This made Sara giggle even more, and slide off the chair to look at Molly’s feet more closely.

“Ha, ha, ha,” Molly gave Carena a mock-withering stare. “What do you want, Caz? I’m doing yours now.”

Carena thought as the water began to bubble. All she really wanted was to be a Runner. To explore. To get buckets and soap and marbles and gum and make faces back in the township light up. All she wanted was her lungs and airways to do as she commanded, her muscles and heart to work with her, to let her push past exhaustion. 

“Eh. Shoelaces would be nice.” She smirked at Molly. “Or some chicken fat.”

“Make one more threat to my chicken’s life, Carena Skeet and you won’t be getting anything from the Christmas Runner!” 

“I surrender, I surrender!” Carena laughed, and poured the tea. “Anyway, shouldn’t you be in bed by now, Sara? If we’re going to get this Runner to come at all.”

“But I’m not even tired,” the small girl yawned, still on the floor with her head on the chair and cuddling one of the throws her mothers had stacked on the sideboard. 

Molly grabbed the rest of them. “Come on, we’ll build a blanket den, have our tea in there, and Caz can tell you more about the Christmas Runner.”

“Startin’ to feel like Caz does all the work around here,” Carena added, stirring in milk and honey and using the puzzle box as a makeshift tea-tray. “Go on then, lead the way.”

Five minutes later, they’d constructed a large blanket fort and, huddled together inside it, Carena began to tell them everything she remembered from the world before, embellishing the odd detail or ten.

“You’re lying, there were no flying snowmen.”

“Well, I saw a film about them!”

Eventually, Sara curled up and fell asleep, thumb in her mouth, dreaming up a jumble of tinsel and angels and dancing snowmen and turkeys.

Molly smiled, sleepy herself. “You know, you’re actually really good with kids.”

“You’re actually good at lightenin’ up.”

“Yeah! This was fun. I had a really nice evening.”

“Molly…” Carena began, and stopped. She tucked Sara’s blankets around her a little tighter. She didn’t know how to say how safe she felt, maybe for the first time since she lost her brother, warm and wanted and hopeful, surrounded by the peace she wanted so badly to fight for. “I think tomorrow is gonna be a really good day.”

The bell in the square jangled once, twice, twelve times and for once they didn’t panic. It had been years since a horde went anywhere near the gates. This was midnight.

“Merry Christmas, Caz.”

“Merry Christmas.”

***

Carena awoke under a pile of blankets, her head on the end of Sara’s bed, the sound of Dr Cohen humming in the kitchen as she fried the eggs for breakfast, and caught three bulging stockings out of the corner of her eye. A lump came to her throat as she saw the book, as promised, bound in ribbon, that she recognised even without reading the words.

The Abel Runner’s Handbook, fourth ed.

She nearly knocked the wind out of the doctors in her rush to hug them.

[tog-resources-archive]

Hello fellow fan who has been here since the beginning! I come from the “other side” I suppose, in that I do think the top/bottom discourse is worth talking about. It has to do with the elephant in the room which I haven’t seen anyone touch on – self-identified top!joe fans (in contrast to simply fans who enjoy or prefer content where joe tops). I remember the original top/bottom discourse coming out of a more general conversation about trends in fic (1)

Thank you fan!anon for sending me such a long, detailed message! Never apologize for writing me an essay since I always seem to be writing essays for other people in return lol. Also sorry it took a while to get to! This required a bit of preparation. You’ve given me a lot to respond to. I’m going to be putting the entirety of the ask under the cut and the tl;dr because this one is very, verrrryyyy long. 

Tl;dr- fan!anon talks about the history of top/bottom discourse in TOG and the issues of racism in our fandom. My response: my own feelings on the history of the top/bottom discourse in TOG and the current state of it. General issues I’ve observed in this fandom and the current discourse. Also, we shouldn’t ignore fandom racism, but I don’t think we should be looking at it through the lens of top/bottom, AND I think we should be focusing on misogyny, homophobia, etc. in addition to racism. Not ignore one for the other. 

Bottom line though, don’t harrass people, block people if you need to, focus on what you love, support fan creation and let’s try to be a better fandom. 

Okay, time to dig in!

Hello fellow fan who has been here since the beginning! I come from the “other side” I suppose, in that I do think the top/bottom discourse is worth talking about. It has to do with the elephant in the room which I haven’t seen anyone touch on – self-identified top!joe fans (in contrast to simply fans who enjoy or prefer content where joe tops). I remember the original top/bottom discourse coming out of a more general conversation about trends in fic (1) wherein Joe was more violent, less empathetic, often not religious, more aggressive in sexual scenarios, and also most often topping. People asked the fandom in general to simply consider, if that is how they perceive Joe, to reflect for themselves about implicit biases that could be colouring that interpretation. The self-identified top!joes used that conversation as a starting point to argue that the above interpretation of Joe, (2) and writing/drawing Nicky as smaller, almost twink-like, demure, more feminine (or writing fic where he was de-aged) was justified by canon (if you recall the multi-day argument about the approximately 1 inch height difference between Marwan and Luca) and connecting those ideas to top!joe just “making more sense” to them. In the hands of a good writer (of which we are blessed to have many in this fandom!), which character tops in an explicit fic is of no consequence to me. (3) But the concept of top!joe has, in my mind, become so closely tied with those fans who, a) interpret these characters and actions in a way that seems influenced by racial stereotypes and tropes and b) use that characterization as “justification” for top!joe. All this when I thought we all agreed that position preference has nothing to do with personality? (4) If someone sees Joe as a very masculine, aggressive, dom-type character (which is a bit of a one-note characterization to start, but I digress), that shouldn’t be related to him being a “top”, correct? Yet that is the interpretation and connection that the top!joes themselves make. So that’s why to me, the top/bottom framework continues to have some value, eve though in an ideal world it wouldn’t: (5) because some fans connect what should be a neutral sexual position preference to an interpretation of Joe’s character, an interpretation which I think doesn’t do him justice. I understand if you don’t want to publish this but I’m hesitant to talk off anon due to how heated this whole conversation is. I also don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings or make them feel bad about how they are participating in the fandom, but I do think self-reflection in terms of how we engage is valuable. (6) And just to fully reiterate in case it wasn’t clear, my above points are specifically referring to who I think of as “top!joe only” fans as opposed to fans who enjoy or prefer content in which joe tops – only the former of which I am wary of. Anyways, sorry for this long message, and I hope I've been able to explain my reasoning. If we continue to disagree, thanks for reading this anyways and continuing the dialogue. Thank you also for promoting femslash events and content! (7)

So....I did say in a previous post that I’m not a big fan of hearsay, and I’m sorry but… that’s kind of what you’ve given me. A lot of “this is what Top!Joe Only people have said” and “this is what the rest of the fandom has said back.” I have to ask, who are these “Top!Joe Only” people that are on the other side of this fandom war? Who are the people representing the “rest of the fandom”?  The only names I could really come up with myself are the Top!Joe Server mods as top!Joe only fans, and they haven’t exactly been active recently. Not to mention the Top!Joe server mod @karanoidandroid was the focus of the Art Theft and Bullying debacle a while back (here) which even if you disagree with her… that’s not the way you treat people. Full stop. 

But anyway, to break this down, you’ve said that top!joe only fans wanted to interpret Joe in a way that was “more violent, less empathetic, less religious, more sexually aggressive, and topping (most of the time)” and that Nicky is “smaller, more twink-like, more demure and feminine” and that the hardcore top!joe stans are using this interpretation as a reasoning for liking top!joe explicit fics (and for underage fic?)

Er, honestly, I’ll have to disregard the “less religious” comment in this one. Lucyclairedelune has talked about it very eloquently here. As for the rest, let’s say these opinions were expressed on tumblr in July, just when the fandom was getting started. However, after personally going through all the Explicit July fics, I gotta say, the overwhelming majority of writers are focused on romantic Malta sex vacations lol. 

From my personal observations (I started reading fic on ao3 in August), I’ve seen some stories that cater to very… specific tastes (mostly kinkmeme fics so I’m not going to touch that) and some that have…. been written in poor taste perhaps. But, honestly, the majority of fics (aka G, T, M rated) that I’ve seen? I would say that they were written with care and concern for the character’s portrayal. 

Now, some fans (usually older fans) are very focused on “your kink is not my kink” and other fans feel this is an inappropriate way to view “racist, homophobic, islamophobic, etc” fics. And I agree with that. If people are using kink to excuse racism, homophobia, islamophobia, transphobia, antisemitism, misogyny, etc, in fics: Fuck that. But I think there’s a lot of misunderstanding flying around when people react to ‘ykinmk”. This fandom likes to assume the worst of their fellow fans imo, and I honestly don’t think that when a person defends kink that they’re trying to defend racism. They’re trying to defend their kink community which, historically, has been attacked and misunderstood by the purity police. Look into the Livejournal, ffnet, and even the Tumblr purges if you don’t believe me. 

For the record, I don’t know anyone on tumblr personally. We’re all effectively strangers talking to each other on the internet, so I’m not going to make assumptions about people from stories they’ve posted on AO3 or the kinkmeme. If you want to talk about the issues those fics represent, that’s cool, but don’t harass people whose life stories you don’t know (and don’t vagueblog about them). (This is just a general statement, not saying this about you anon! I feel really strongly about this.)

Now you say, “some fans connect what should be a neutral sexual position preference to an interpretation of Joe’s character” and I hate to say it, but there are ALWAYS going to be some people who have awful opinions. Ones that are either truly terrible, or kind of in poor taste, or maybe you just don’t vibe with them. Personally, I don’t have enough time in the day to address every weird thing that a person spews on the internet. I won’t judge if you want to take them on, but, personally, I haven’t seen any recent militant top!joe only posts that are calling for racist portrayals. I see people referring to past conversations, for sure, but again, I can’t do anything with hearsay. 

And honestly, we keep bringing up the top/bottom discourse of early TOG fandom, and we’re just not the same fandom we were then. SO MANY people have left the fandom in that time-- a lot of big name (or simply well known) fans and a lot of MENA fans. Regardless of what “side” you’re on in this, we all lose by focusing on the positions, by dividing everyone by “top” or “bottom” or “switch” fans, and by bringing up what people said in July, or August, or September.  It’s exhausting, especially because I think a lot of people have done exactly what you said. Many authors HAVE self-reflected, they’ve thought about trends, the implications, and are contributing/interacting with the fandom as best as they can. Do I think we should stop focusing on self-reflection? That we should stop being careful about writing potentially damaging portrayals of our favorite characters? NO. Let’s keep at it! Let’s encourage others to do the same… but not with top/bottom discourse.

Let it be known that I don’t think racism is a topic we should disregard to focus on other things. Honestly, I would be happy if people gave some of the energy they have for “top/bottom” discourse to talk about the portrayal of Nile Freeman or Lykon or Copley or Quynh… the other POC representation in TOG that usually gets ignored. You may interpret this as me going “but what about??” and that’s fair. I just think that we talk about Joe ALL THE TIME in this fandom. There is an avalanche of conversation and content for this man (who I love, don’t get me wrong) and it just feels really disingenuous (to me) to talk ad nauseum about racist portrayals of Joe, but then to ignore Nile Freeman and wlw fics when Nile is the rare Black Female Action Protagonist and Andy/Quynh is an extremely rare interracial canon lesbian couple. And I’ve been trying to use my blog here to bring attention to this, think of me what you will because of that. (Again just a general statement anon! Not directed to you XD)

And from what I’ve seen in this fandom (and many others to be fair) is that we care about racism SO MUCH…but only when talking about how a man has sex.  It speaks of a lack of intersectional understanding of these topics, disregarding the misogyny that IS ALSO inherent in fandom, and disregarding the homophobia of overfocusing on the top/bottom dynamics. BUT I’m not asking you to ignore racism; all I’m asking is for you to focus on the other issues too. 

Bottom line though… the discourse is not what it once was.  A lot of people, on whatever side, have left the fandom, or have taken a break, or are vocally tired of “top/bottom” discourse. Personally, I think we should talk about racism… but not through the lens of explicit mlm fic sex positions. Let’s talk more about race, gender, sex and sexual orientation, but not in a way that divides the fandom, in a way that makes people sick of being here, in a way that kills our content creator’s passion. Honestly, I think it can be done! But only if we work toward that goal together. 

I would like to focus on encouraging events in our community, such as the ongoing Old Guard Big Bang 2021 event and the upcoming Femslash Fortnight Spring Solstice Edition event. If anyone is organizing other events, let me know and I’ll hype you up! But as for the rest, I’m tired, you’re tired, we’re all tired. Let’s try and work harder to be a kinder, more inclusive fandom in the future, for everyone’s sake. 

[twistedtummies2]

Gotham’s 31 Most Wanted - Honorable Mentions

It’s New Year’s Eve, everybody! Just as I did back in October with my “31 Days of Disney Villainy,” before I begin my countdown of my Top 31 Favorite Batman Villains – one for each day of January – I want to go over some of the baddies who sadly didn’t make the cut. These are the Terrible Ten who ALMOST got onto my main countdown, but for various reasons ultimately didn’t quite manage it. Some of these guys are more well-known than others, so we’ll see how many you all recognize. With that said, before the countdown begins at midnight, here are my Honorable Mentions for Gotham’s 31 Most Wanted!

1.     Calendar Man.

Julian Day, a.k.a. Calendar Man, is a villain who has had a lot of ups and downs in his history. Depending on who you ask, he’s either one of the dumbest Batman villains ever made, or one of the most underrated. I fall into the second crowd. The Calendar Man is a deranged crook who commits crimes themed around holidays and seasons. I actually find that to be a very interesting concept, and I’m surprised that so many people dislike the character, and that for a long time he was considered something of a joke. In more recent years, however, the Calendar Man has been making a slight comeback; he’s still often the butt of bad jokes, but more people seem to be waking up to the potential this guy has to be a legitimately interesting and/or intimidating dastard. However, while I do have a soft spot for the character, I just like other rogues better. Not much else to it.

2.     Clock King.

As I said yesterday, when naming the rules for who could qualify on this list, I would not be including “crossover rogues.” These are villains who are TECHNICALLY part of another superhero’s rogues gallery, but whom Batman has faced on numerous occasions. Batman has faced Lex Luthor more than once, for example, but I think it’s fair to say no one’s going to lump him in with the same crowd as Clayface or Catwoman. Similarly, King Shark has appeared in various forms of Batman-related media, but he’s really a villain of Aquaman’s. With this in mind, there are four villains who I felt I just couldn’t COMPLETELY leave out of the running, despite them being those sorts of rogues. The Clock King is the first one. The original Clock King, William Tockman, was a foe of Green Arrow, and was, in my opinion, a better villain than people often give/gave him credit for. However, the character really took off when he first appeared in the 60s Batman TV series, and then got even more attention in a few appearances in “Batman: The Animated Series” and its spin-offs. In fact, the latter version was so popular, THAT version of the Clock King – Temple Fugate (pictured above) – later replaced Tockman, though even he was really more of a Teen Titans villain than a Batman rogue. In fact, while the Clock King does keep appearing in Batman-related media, I’m not even sure if the two have ever even MET in the comics. I will admit that he feels like he fits right in there, and I’ve always had a real soft spot for this villain, but I didn’t think it was right to place him on the list.

3.     Deathstroke.

Ever since the “Arkham” video games, in particular, I always hear Deathstroke referred to as a Batman Villain. I’ll confess that it’s always cool, both in and out of comics, to see him square off with the Dark Knight, but Deathstroke really isn’t a Batman Villain in the strictest sense. Much like the Clock King, in the comics – heck, even in other media – he’s typically depicted as the arch-enemy of the Teen Titans. I guess you could say this perhaps makes him Robin’s arch-nemesis, but that’s not quite the same thing. I do love Deathstroke – he’s definitely one of the greatest DC Villains out there – but I don’t think he fits here any more than Clock King does.

4.     Gentleman Ghost.

This is the third example of a villain who I didn’t QUITE think counted as a Batman Villain. And of them all, he honestly came the closest. See, in the comics, I’m not even sure if Batman and the Clock King have ever met, like I said; and in regards to Deathstroke, sure, they’ve fought on several occasions, but Deathstroke is pretty much well-renowned as the foe of the Titans, and especially Robin. Close, but no cigar. The Gentleman Ghost, however…I keep feeling like DC WANTS to make this guy a Batman Villain definitively, but haven’t quite done so yet, if that makes sense. This dapper phantom thief is TECHNICALLY an arch-enemy of Hawkman & Hawkgirl, of all characters. However, in other media, he often seems to have no set foeman, and in perhaps his most famous incarnation, from “Batman: The Brave & the Bold,” his origins were outright changed to make him a Batman Villain, with no ties to Hawkman whatsoever…in fact, did the Hawk family even APPEAR in that show? I sincerely can’t remember right now, so if anyone can remind me, please do. On top of that, not only has the Ghost faced Batman in the comics, but in one particularly seminal story – “All My Enemies Against Me,” in which a whole group of Batman Villains teamed up to try and take down both the Caped Crusader AND an invading Killer Croc – Gentleman Ghost was included among the ranks. Keep in mind, he was kind of the one odd guy out: all the other villains, from obscure ones like The Spook to more popular ones like Penguin, were DEFINITELY Batman Villains. So to see Gentleman Ghost counted among those ranks was a bit strange but also seemed to indicate he’d found his niche there. However, he’s never been OFFICIALLY counted as one of those villains, and again, in the comics, he’s still most closely tied to the Hawks, or at least the Justice League. So even though I was EXTREMELY tempted to count him on the Top 31, I felt it was still cheating.

5.     King Shark.

Our fourth and final villain who I didn’t really think counted as a Batman Villain. Just like the Clock King and Gentleman Ghost, King Shark has been in a lot of Batman-related media, but in the comics, his encounters with the Dark Knight are fairly minor. He’s real arch-foe is Aquaman, unsurprisingly. This is one of the reasons why I feel I can’t count King Shark on the main list, but the other is that I legitimately have an issue with the character: he’s constantly changing. True, comic book characters change frequently, and villains like the Mad Hatter and the Joker have undergone significant tonal shifts over the decades…but with King Shark, it seems like every single writer who uses him has a 100% different way of handling him. Sometimes he’s a strong and noble warrior; sometimes he’s a blood-hungry, animalistic monster; sometimes he’s a wisecracking psychopath; sometimes he’s actually fairly nice polite until his instincts get the better of him…heck, even his APPEARANCE changes constantly! Sometimes he’s a Great White, sometimes he’s a Hammerhead, sometimes he’s a Tiger Shark…there’s just an absolute zero for CONSISTENCY with this guy, and it drives me up the wall! In recent years, the character has become more popular, but I’ve never really been able to latch onto any version of him more than another, and I’ve never really had any strong attachment to him in general. I don’t hate the guy, I just wish people would handle him better.

6.     Maxie Zeus.

Much like Calendar Man, Maxie Zeus is one of those villains who, depending on whom you ask, they’ll either call one of the dumbest supervillains ever made, or one of the most underrated. Admittedly, between the two, I prefer Calendar Man, but there’s actually a lot of untapped potential in Zeus. The key problem with this character is essentially not his fault: he’s inspired by the campy character of King Tut from the 60s series. (He was adapted into comics himself, incidentally, but that version sucks in my opinion, and is hardly ever used…good riddance. I’ll stick to Victor Buono, thank you.) For those who don’t know, King Tut was a professor of Egyptology who, due to a mental issue, came to believe he was the reincarnation of the famous pharaoh. In Maxie Zeus’ case, he was a gentleman who came to believe he was actually the Greek God of Thunder, Zeus. Just as Tut thus embarked on a mad quest to turn Gotham into his new empire, Zeus plans to turn Gotham into his new Olympus. With such daffy inspiration, you can see why Zeus would be underestimated, and in recent years he’s often been depicted as a “joke villain” - similar to characters like Condiment King. However, in my opinion, Zeus actually CAN work as a legitimate antagonist when handled by the right people in the right way, and I even think that’s been done a couple of times. I tend to think he gets a bad rap. Still, again, there are other villains I simply like more.

7.     Orca.

Dr. Grace Balin used one of those handy-dandy super serums to transform herself into a half-killer whale, half-human hybrid, all in a plan to try and wreak havoc on her hated nemesis: a nasty woman called Camille Baden-Smythe. Dubbing herself simply “The Orca,” she began to rain destruction down upon her enemy, constantly leading to face-offs with the Dark Knight. However, at the end of her first adventure, Balin was mortally wounded, and found the only way to survive was to permanently become the Orca. Since then, the Orca has gone from vigilante to frequently more of a true villain, and still makes off-and-on appearances in comics and even spin-off comics…though, unless you count a jokey cameo in the LEGO Batman Movie, the comics have so far been her only home. I know a few people who are big fans of the character, and I actually have a soft spot for her, too. I just didn’t like her QUITE enough to include her in the Top 31.

8.     Professor Radium.

Now, chances are, even if you happen to be a major comic book fan, you’re probably wondering “Who the Heck is Professor Radium?” Don’t worry, you’re not alone in that. Professor Radium is an EXTREMELY underrated and equally extremely little-known and little-used supervillain who I actually have a personal nostalgia for. In the core comics, he was once a well-meaning scientist who wanted to use radiation-based procedures and special formulas to enhance and extend people’s lives. In a twisted paradox of fate, he wound up instead turning his skin a glowing green, and developed a “Touch of Death.” Radium, in his initial appearance, desperately tried to fix his condition, but the mixture of the accident plus his tragic situation led to him steadily going insane, and he was seemingly killed at the end of the tale. He would later return many, many years later, however, forced to resort to a life of crime due to his terrible condition. I actually found out about Professor Radium through means that are somehow even more obscure than the character himself: the Batman comic strips. Yeah, Batman had a comic strip, all the way back in the 40s, and Professor Radium was one of the few villains from the core comics to appear. (It figures.) The comic strip story was essentially a remake of his origins, but now with a darker twist: his story starts the exact same way, until Radium has a chance encounter with a man planning to commit suicide. He “helps” him with his powers, and from that point on, instead of trying to fix his condition, Professor Radium decides to use his “Touch of Death” as a “Good Samaritan.” He begins bringing the peace and bliss of death to unhappy people, so they no longer have to endure the torture and pain of life. This version, too, was seemingly killed…and since this version never appeared again (his was the last story arc in the strips, and this take never carried over into mainstream), we can presume that death was permanent. I find both takes on Professor Radium to be surprisingly tragic, complex, and fascinating villains, especially for the time period. His occasional, albeit often minor, reappearances in more recent years have helped to ensure he isn’t COMPLETELY forgotten, but I really would like to see a proper new reinvention of this villain. He’s got a lot of potential that hasn’t been fully realized.

9.     The Spook.

In the 1970s, the Spook – real name Val Kaliban – was one of Batman’s most recurring villains. In his original format, the character was a former member of the mafia with a fascination with escape tricks and illusions; after faking his own death to escape from prison, he began using this knowledge to commit crimes – everything from finding masterful ways to escape from robberies, to selling “escape insurance” to caged crooks and busting them out for a hefty fee. Starting in the 80s, the Spook began popping up with far less frequency. Attempts were made in the 90s to reimagine the character; that version had him as a nameless black ops soldier who, traumatized by a mission that went horribly wrong, actually believed himself to be a ghost. It was an interesting, radical reinvention, but it never really went anywhere; future stories would feature Val Kaliban again, and no mention has been made of that second Spook since. As of now, the character has not been seen in the mainstream since 2006, when he was seemingly killed off during the events of the storyline “Batman & Son.” However, the Spook HAS appeared in some comics from spin-offs and crossovers, and is known for – both in-universe and in reality – going long periods of time without so much as saying “Boo” before popping up once more. I personally really like this character, but I guess there are just others I like more or have more nostalgia for.

10.  Tally Man.

The much-underappreciated Tally Man is a villain who I really wish I could love more than I do, if that makes sense. This somewhat theatrical gun-for-hire came from a tragic and disturbing childhood: his family was regularly harassed by a mobster who demanded they pay protection money for some sort of debt. Eventually, the boy that became Tally Man snapped and beat the mobster to death, after the man attacked his mother for not paying him. He was sent to prison, and in the intervening time, his mother killed herself, while his sister went insane. The boy became obsessed with the idea of debts not being paid, and turned to a life of crime: he acts as a sort of agent of Karma, in his own mind, collecting “pounds of flesh” for the highest-paying crooks from their enemies, their clients, and so on. I really love the character’s design and past, but the problem lies in his actual appearances. Tally Man first appeared in the immediate aftermath of the famous “Knightfall” saga. At that time, Bruce Wayne was out of commission, and the Batmen Tally Man faced were actually people taking his place while he recuperated. To me, that’s kind of cheating; it’s not quite the same when you’re facing an Imposter Batman, if you get my meaning. After these initial appearances, Tally Man quickly descended on the ladder of villainy: he ultimately just became little more than a stooge – an average gunman with kind of a cool name, effectively a mere pawn used by more popular rogues, most notably Two-Face. Heck, even his crazy costume was eventually eliminated, as a second Tally Man took his place, and was REALLY just a normal gunman with a cool name. There was nothing about the second one that made him any different from any normal gangster character. Since then, the character has totally disappeared. Apparently there were plans for him to appear in the DCAU, but that never came to pass. I really wish the character had been used better in the comics, and I hope he makes a comeback that fixes these issues.

And that concludes my list of Honorable Mentions for my Top 31 Favorite Batman Villains! As I said before, the countdown proper starts at midnight, just in time to ring in the New Year! I’m fairly sure the first choice on the list will be quite a surprise. ;)

HINT: …I seriously don’t have a hint for the first guy, just…I’m pretty sure you’ll be in absolute DISBELIEF at who it is. That’s all I can give you for now. I’ll do better next time. XD

[bitsandbobsandstuff]

Which Avenger?

I’m so slow responding, but I was tagged by the lovely @bolontiku and @kellyn1604 , thanks friends!! ♥️

1. Which avenger would you recruit to help you plan your birthday?

TONY. He’s gonna pull out all the stops.

2. Which avenger would you switch suits with for a day?

ANT MAN. I’d make myself tiny and sneak into so many places.

3. Which avenger would you want to train with?

NATASHA. I NEED to learn how to do the swing up on someone’s shoulders and choke them thing with my thighs. I NEED THIS GUYS IT IS NECESSARY.

4. Oh No, you need help! Which avenger would you call if you’re in trouble?

STEVE. After those PSAs he did, everyone (mistakenly) thinks he’s trustworthy. 

5. Uh oh, you got arrested, which avenger were you with?

NATASHA. We had vodka, surfboards, 12 bags of ice, and Steve’s shield. Some shit happened.

6. The Avengers are playing basketball, which avenger would you pick first to be on your team?

CLINT. Has he ever missed a shot??

7. You’re trying to make your ex jealous, which avenger do you pretend to date?

T’CHALLA. “Hello yes, this is my boyfriend the KING OF WAKANDA, so I win and you can suck it.”

8. You’re out for a good time, and need a wing man/woman, which avenger do you pick for the job?

WANDA. She has an uncanny ability to navigate around douche bags so I don’t waste my time.

9. You woke up with a hangover, which avenger were you drunk with?

SAM. He encourages me to do shots and I have no self control.

10. You’re going on a road trip, which avenger do you ride with?  

BUCKY. He doesn’t mind that I sing like shit and he sings along to terrible 80s music.

11. No way! You slept with one of the avengers. Which avenger did you wake up next to?

BUCKY. He was thoroughly charmed by my terrible singing voice.

12. Your favorite band is having a concert, which avenger goes with you?

TONY. Clearly I’m meeting the band, because it’s Tony.

13. You’re going shopping, and need second opinions, which avenger do you trust to help you pick out outfits?

WANDA. She knows I want honest opinions so she won’t pull punches.

14. Your parents want to meet one of your new friends, which avenger do you take to meet your parents?

NAKIA. She’s charming, speaks multiple languages, is gorgeous, and completely brilliant. My parents already love her more than me. 😂

15. You get injured on a mission, which avenger would you trust to be in charge of your care?

SHURI. She fixes literally everything.

16. Your room is a mess, which avenger do you pick to be your butler, and clean your room?

THOR. It takes him all day because he keeps stopping to laugh at all the silly midgardian stuff he finds.

17. You wanna play a prank on the team but need help. Which avenger do you pick to help you prank the rest of the team?

DR. STRANGE. He opens random space portals everywhere and freaks people the fuck out.

18. Time to buy Christmas presents, which avenger is the easiest for you to buy for?

WADE. If it was cheap and loaded with sexy innuendos, he’ll love it.

19. You’re going on a mission but only one other person can go. Which member of the team, do you choose to go with you?

BUCKY. After we kick some ass, we’re doing date night - the couple who slays together, stays together. ♥️

*****

Tagging a few peeps and anyone else who wants to do this!!

@interestedbystanderwrites @st-eve-barnes @imhereforbvcky @softbiker @bookscoffeeandracoons @mermaidxatxheart @quant-um-fizzx @tropicalcap @sherrybaby14 @justreadingfics @abovethesmokestacks @beckzorz @suz-123

[g0dblessthefandom]

Favorite Female Characters

Tagged by @mini-oddity​. I’m too excited about this, y’all.  Rules: List ten of your favorite female characters in different fandoms and then tag ten people.

(I’m just going to be a blanket **SPOILER ALERT** for every show here, I’ll tag it just in case, but be forewarned.)

1. Xena (Xena: Warrior Princess) I got to meet Lucy in 2018, and it was basically the highlight of my life. Xena was such a HUGE influence on me as a kid, and I don’t think I ever got over the impact she made on me. Her bravery, her love for Gabrielle, her intelligence, she’s the whole package and spent almost every episode kicking dudes in the face, which is like, the dream. I think that she was very clearly a queer character also made a huge difference for me, because even though baby Frankie didn’t know it, she was gay as hell. Seeing the relationship between Xena and Gabrielle play out and that ‘love that dare not speak it’s name’ was kind of a revelation for me, even though I wouldn’t realize it for a while. 

2. Martha Jones (Doctor Who)

I think there was something so special about Martha Jones that most people didn’t see (youknowwhy.gif). She was more than just that girl who was pining away for the Doctor. She saved the world at one point just because she was willing to put everything on the line, and in some small ways it was for him, but in larger ways it was for herself. In the end she walked away because she knew that she deserved better, and she was right. She was just in general such an awesome character, and I hope that I can  be more like her one day. 

3. Dana Scully (The X-Files) 

Scully was the skeptic, but also, weirdly the believer because she was pretty serious about her faith. I remember having so many feelings about Scully and not really being able to explain them (it was the queerness, Lil’ Frankie), but in general beyond just being gorgeous she was so smart, and so good at dealing with Mulder’s BS. She would take things in stride as well, and made the most of the circumstances that left her in a worse situation than before. She was a scientist first, and so when she was elbow deep in a carcass, giving everyone answers that they didn’t know they wanted, she was in her element. I know that people are aware of the Scully effect, and I think that it’s just a testament to how much of an impact this character had on popular culture. I just loved her resolve, and every time she had a terrific storyline, I cheered. 

4. Captain Kathryn Janeway (Star Trek: Voyager)

I clearly have a thing for no nonsense red heads, so maybe there’s a type here, but also, Kathryn Janeway was an amazing character. I think if she’d been a man she would have gone down as one of the greatest Starfleet Captains of all time, but alas, sexism is a thing, and we’re in the 21st century, not the 25th. Janeway had the absolute worst situation that a captain could ask for, and she made it work somehow. In the end, she gave everything to make sure that her crew (both Maquis and Starfleet) could get home safely, and that’s what a good captain does. I first talked about this in 2007, so, yeah, you know that I mean it. Captain Janeway had to navigate a world without Starfleet, and in her own way manage to build a crew and keep a ship going through the most desperate of conditions, and I think she did an amazing job. (It’s also just a coincidence that my favorite episode is ‘Year of Hell’ where she gets to run around in a standard issue Starfleet tanktop and shoot people)

5. Santana Lopez (Glee)

If you follow my blog, it will come to no surprise to you that I flipping love Santana Lopez. Played by Naya Rivera, she’s one half of my Forever OTP: Brittana. And Santana on her own is a fantastic character. She comes out to her grandmother, and faces shame, and struggles with some life choices that she was once sure about. She goes from being this grade A butthole who’s dealing with her own problems, to caring about those people who are the closest to her, and in a way, finding her own family. It’s a really beautiful journey, and when it was given the time that it deserved on Glee, I think that the show was better for it. Of course, her being so talented didn’t hurt either. 

6. Dr. Joan Watson (Elementary)

I’m the kind of her that will pretty much appreciate a genderbent anything. When I heard that a new show was coming out about Sherlock Holmes and they were changing Watson to a woman, I was pretty excited. When I learned that it would be the love of my life Lucy Liu, I was ecstatic! Watson is very much the chocolate to Sherlock’s peanut butter, but their relationship is so good and so real that it’s just the icing on the cake (mixing a lot of food metaphors, so bear with me). She’s a scientist (doctor/surgeon) like Scully, but she’s changed careers and now she works as a sober companion (at least at the beginning of the season). Of course, the reason that she and Sherlock get along so well is because Watson is smart. Super smart. Sometimes smarter than Sherlock, and he readily admits as such. She was her own woman and she made Watson into someone who was on par with Sherlock, and a force to be reckoned with in her own right. And, of course, they were best friends. 

7. Carol Susan Jane Danvers (Captain Marvel)

I was a big fan of CM before the movie came out, so I’ll mostly talk about the comics, but Captain Marvel in every incarnation is a terrific character. I first read Civil War II with her and Tony Stark going at it, and I couldn’t help but appreciate the passion that she brought to the table. Carol Danvers is the kind of character who, right or wrong, just does what she’s going to do, and you know that her heart in the right place. In the comics, she has a relationship with Rhodey, and that makes for some interesting drama. She’s the kind of person who punches first, asks questions later, and it’s that kind of himbo energy that makes me love her. She goes all in, and god help you if you get in her way. 

8. Eleanor Shellstrop and Tahani Al-Jamil (The Good Place) Is a twofer cheating? Probably. Do I care that much? Nah, son. For the record, I do ship Cheleanor, but I love these two together in every single imaginable way. They both have their own baggage, and come from less than ideal backgrounds (Eleanor generally, and Tahani because of her family life), but they have learned and grown so much over the last four seasons and I can’t wait to see how things turn out for them. They’re also such good friends, so I really appreciate their relationship with each other. Neither really had friends in their “real” lives. (Even though Tahani pretended to) The fact that they have each other, and really care for each other, just makes both of them so much better in my opinion. I was rewatching the first season and during the episode where they both confess their feelings to Chidi, Eleanor says that she’s going to make sure that they don’t become like to women feuding over a guy, and they proceed to spend a terrific day together. That’s female friendship right there! I love this show in general, it’s definitely my favorite on TV right now, and I’m so glad that it’s on! 

9. Zoe Washburne (Firefly) I have shipped exactly three het ships in my entire life: Rick and Evie O’Connell, Eleanor and Chidi and Zoe and Wash. I dunno, it was something about their relationship that just moved me. She loved him, and she didn’t care who knew it, and they just had this terribly healthy relationship, and it was stupendous. Sans Wash, though, Zoe is an amazing character. She’s smart, she’s strong, she’s loyal, and she’s played by Gina Torres, who only seems to get more and more attractive as the years go on? Like, I’m not trying to be that person because Gina brings so much to to the table, she’s so talented and clearly intelligent and passionate, but she’s also super duper hot? Like, in the year of our lord 2020? It’s wild. She was also on the Black Lady Sketch Show and she was hilarious, so there’s that. She can do it all! Okay, but back to Zoe, I just love her character, and her relationship with the other folks on the ship. It was something awesome to see. 

10. Sister Night/Angela Abar (Watchmen TV Series) This is kind of a new addition, but I hope that doesn’t make you think any less of this amazing character. Regina King knocked my socks off in the best way imaginable, and I’m just so enthralled and obsessed with this character, I don’t even know what to do with myself. She has such AGENCY and she’s a woman who makes her own decisions and is in charge of her whole life. Dr. Manhattan fell in love with her because despite everything she put everything on the line for him, and you’ve got to appreciate that amount of determination. Of course, I love that she spent most of the show kicking racists in the head, so you know, I’ve got a type, clearly. 

Throwing out a special shout out to: Kelly and Yorkie (Black Mirror), Alex Danvers (Supergirl), Eve and Villanelle (Killing Eve), The Doctor/13 (Doctor Who), Lt. Uhura, and the thousands of other amazing, bad ass female characters that I didn’t mention. 

-------------------------------

So, that’s it. To continue this I’d like to tag @leigh-kelly​ @chuckleshan​ @daborgh​ @battybookworm​ @lesbeauregarded​ @ambirrdy-brittana​ @yourstreetserenade​ @itcameuponamidnightqueer​ @vikingstad1​ @stephanie-beatriz​ @skywalkerchick1138​ @mayqueen517​+ anyone who wants to do this! 

[death-burst]

My thoughts about His Dark Materials

I’ve finished volume 3 last week, and I wanted to come back to the earlier discussion now that I have a fresh memory of the conclusion.

And ooh boy, I don’t like that conclusion, but not for the reasons mentioned by star-anise that started this discussion. I’ll start with my own criticism, and go back to that after.

[Obviously, SPOILER WARNING, proceed at your own risk.]

So, in the last 30 pages or so, we get:

a reiteration in even clearer terms of that “servants have dog daemons” point, that a daemon represents a person “true” nature. We already had a branch of the previous discussion on that topic, and we all agreed it was bad. Some where doubting that it was what Pullman actually meant, or whether it was only some unreliable narrator’s opinion. Well, for me there’s no doubt anymore. At least, there’s a vague suggestion that it isn’t definitely fixed and that people could, theoretically, change, they just choose not to, so you know, silver lining and all that....

Lyra coming into her prophesied role as the “new Eve” and somehow preventing all the Dust from exiting the universe through the huge gap in reality caused by the Church’s bomb, without any explanation of what made her special or even how it works at all, and without any real story need for that, since the (good) Angels would close it soon after anyway. It’s just that, looping back to the foreshadowed prophecy, only for the sake of meeting expectations, but I find that it actually weakens the story a lot.

a confirmation that Angels are dumb-asses, and have been so for the last 300 years. For real, if it was so important, why did they need to ask Will specifically, and not any of the previous knife holder, how to close the portals?

and not only are they dumb, they are also mean for no reason to the kids that JUST FRICKING SAVED THE UNIVERSE, no big deal. Seriously, I’m not opposed to bad/sad endings when they are credible, but this one, gosh, I’m so angry, there was probably a dozen workarounds to have a happy ending instead, based on the books own premises. Just to name a few:

They are closing dozens of portals that have stayed open for hundred of years, but really, the universe can only withstand A SINGLE portal, strict limit, I promise. No way you can keep two portals open, no way. Yeah, I don’t believe you...

OK, OK, let’s admit we can’t keep two portals open. But we can open the second one briefly every 5 years or so to visit each other’s world, right? No? It will create a specter? AND HOW IS THAT A PROBLEM EXACTLY?!! You just fricking dealt with thousands of specters that accumulated and grew over a couple centuries. One specter every five years is peanuts. Just send a couple Angels to get rid of it as soon as it is spawned, and voilà! Or a squad of volunteer ghosts. With the number of people dying over 5 years over the whole multiverse, I’m sure you’ll get more than enough volunteers. You bunch of ungrateful pricks, you owe this two kids at least that much, and probably a thousand times more.

And what about the “natural” portals, those not created by the knife that do not leak Dust? Oh, you will close them to make sure I don’t waste my life looking for them? WHAT THE HECK!! Alternate proposition: I promise I won’t look for them myself, YOU look for them, AS YOU INTENDED TO ANYWAY, and instead of closing them, you map them, and if you finally find a route from my world to hers, you come back and tell me? Yeah, you know, try to find a solution instead of squashing hope and all that? I think someone needs to read Pandora’s myth again, the importance of hope and all that...

(sorry for all the caps. i’m REALLY *that* angry)

Also, in the grand explanation of everything at the end, we get told that the big fight between “good” and “evil” is actually a fight between wisdom and ignorance, with a flat affirmation that half the universe, including all organized religions, was fighting on the side of ignorance, to keep people dumb. I’m more or less an atheist myself, and even me, I feel so offended by such a rash statement. That’s such a narrow understanding of the origin and role of religion, how can you write a whole three books about it and come to such a broad and coarse conclusion? Get some nuance, dammit.

..... Probably the worst ending I’ve read to a series that I enjoyed.

Because yes, I enjoyed most of the series, it’s just the conclusion that is so awfully terrible, but the vast majority of the story is interesting and entertaining.

Despite all that, I still disagree with star-anise original post, at least as far as the books are concerned (she was watching the recent TV series). For reference, it’s here: https://star-anise.tumblr.com/post/190192181909/im-trying-to-watch-his-dark-materials-but

If I understood the gist of her argument correctly, she’s annoyed by Dust’s sudden change of behavior during adolescence, the claim "that puberty is the most pivotal time for a child developmentally”, to quote a later post in the thread. But in my interpretation, the books are NOT claiming that. I don’t know what the TV series did with that topic, but numerous points in the books point to a more continuous transition:

Lyra is always able to interact with Dust, through the alethiometer or Dr. Malone’s devices, even before she meets Will and fall in love or has sex.

The kids become gradually more aware of the Specters, it’s not a sudden shift. And they become fully vulnerable to them before their Daemons take a fixed form, showing that even before that they already have accumulated a lot of Dust.

There are various remarks that Dust accumulates slowly overtime. It says that young children have very little Dust (compared to adult), but not none at all. And it also says that old and wise persons have much more Dust than the average adult, evidence that Dust keeps accumulating over the whole life, it’s not just one change happening at puberty and/or with the discovery of sex/love.

Daemons do go through a sudden change of behavior at puberty, but a) it doesn’t seem related to Dust directly, and b) it’s implied they can still change, they just don’t want to. This sudden change is not “encoded into the physics of the universe”, it’s just a statistical trend, not an absolute truth.

On the other hand, supporting star-anise argument, there is one such change, but it’s about the mulefa, not the humans, so I’m not really sure what to make of it. The mulefa physically cannot accumulate Dust unless/until they absorb oil from the wheel trees, and so their youngsters do get through an abrupt transition when they get big enough to start using wheels, which is the closest equivalent for them of puberty. But once again, no link with love or sex.

At no point whatsoever is Dust presented as related to Sin, except by Miss Coulter and Lyra’s world’s Church, which are obviously bad guys and misguided.

So personally, I don’t fault the books on that topic, and I find that they present, on that topic specifically, a nuanced and interesting take. I think a more legitimate criticism in that direction is about the “special nature” of humans compared to animals, as if humans aren’t just another kind of animal, as if animals are not conscious at all. They are, and we should respect that more, and treat animals with more compassion in general. Animals should attract Dust too, even if at a slower rate.

(Also, I’m still annoyed by that “Daemon as true nature” bit...)

[thiswaycomessomethingwicked]

I bring you an unasked for weird fic about Vetinari and Downey and Patricians and Inhumation. 

A Year, Out of Order

August, it always starts here although this is not the new year it ought to be. There should be a celebration like that Small God’s Eve but Small Mercies Eve or Small Miracles Eve. They do not call the days that allowed Vetinari to become Patrician a revolution or a rebellion or a revolt. A man for subtlety it simply was he was not there then he was. If you blink, you missed it. Like a magician, he knows how things are done with mirrors and smoke. A note in looping handwriting pinned to Snapcase’s jacket is a proto-assassin receipt. “Rate: One Meal at Little Syrrit House and a Lordship in due time.”

But we’re not there yet, though that’s where it starts. Downey has years starting and ending in August which he blames on Vetinari and Vetinari blames it on Snapcase being too well protected before that month and Snapecase is dead so cannot blame it on anyone.

April, brings out Downey’s desire to be outside at all costs. He takes Vetinari with him on his excursions to Hide Park to collect butterflies. His approach is to catch, catalogue then release. The only ones that end up pinned in his little glass boxes are those already dead. Waxing philosophical about the crime of murdering animals and bugs he shows off a pretty grey one to Vetinari. ‘Same kind as this one,’ he points to a sketch of an elegant green butterfly. ‘But due to our city’s miserable pollution issue it’s grey.’

Vetinari, propped against a tree with his books on middle-Klatchian, finds this fascinating. Unable to respond to Downey’s talk on insects he explains the evolution of Klatchian thieve’s slang. Downey says, ‘you’re such a nerd.’ But he’s smiling. Vetinari primly returns to his book. He doesn’t know what to do with Downey’s smile so tucks it away. Such are spring months, Vetinari knows that everything here in his life as it is will not last. It will pass away and become something different. He will not allow himself to be maudlin about it.

Ember, Vetinari points out it will be some time before Downey gets any of his payment but the man’s vicious smile leaves a tumble of unspoken words which Vetinari wishes he hadn’t heard because they speak to a cruelty beneath Downey’s well manicured appearance that discomforts. Stupid lads who chuck apples at you, call you DB, and make puns when they’re feeling awkward aren’t supposed to wear snakeskin under their clothes.

Oh of course he has always known Downey to be capable of cruelty. But he knows there to be a difference between a man’s necessary cruelty and a cruel man. Downey has always been brash, arrogant, stroppy, and mean. But not cruel. The line is thin but Vetinari knows what it looks like when someone crosses over it.

Ick, shortest and coldest month. They don’t speak for a fortnight because Vetinari said something something, oh he isn’t sure what, and Downey is annoyed with him. Downey snaps, ‘one day you’ll figure out how to human but I won’t be here because I’m not waiting for it.’ Vetinari points out that he is a human therefore -- but he can’t finished his sentence because Downey throws his hands up declaring ‘this is exactly it.’

Downey waits a week for an apology but it never comes. He waits another week then stops waiting. What was it that DB said to annoy him? He can’t remember. Such a clever man is DB, such a wicked smart man. Downey has little issue with DB being eons smarter than him, he only asks for some margins of humanity around the edges of cold machine that is DB. He says, ‘I know there’s something like warmth in you. Stop pretending to be something you’re not. I know you too well, it won’t work on me. Maybe it will when you’re Patrician. Maybe when you’re Patrician you’ll fossilize. But you’re not yet so spare me your performativity.’ He doesn’t say how much he adores DB’s theatrics. More than that he adores DB’s stillness.

Sektober, Soulcake Duck Night comes and goes. Someone leaves a chocolate orange by Vetinari’s bookshelf in his room which is something that shouldn’t happen so he sends a note to Downey. Downey replies, ‘I’ve not poisoned it, in case you were wondering.’ Vetinari hadn’t wondered but now he does. Downey says all sorts of things, always has done since they were students together. Vetinari firmly believes that he must lock the door to the room in his mind where Downey sometimes rents space.

He hasn’t decided where he is going to sleep in the palace. Everything is moth-filled, little grey feathery bodies murdered with brooms as they emerge from closets and chests. The servants are tenacious. When Snapcase died he left an awfully large stain in the Oblong office floor, one that takes a month to get out and even then the memory of it remains. Vetinari considers his office to be a highly controlled environment but trust Downey to be the cause of the one piece of disorder that exists. Workers had to strip and restain the wood so summer ended with workmen cluttering up Vetinari’s new office. He didn’t mind, though he sent their bills to Downey who sent them back unpaid because when has Downey ever paid?

June, Downey knocks on Vetinari’s door. ‘I’ve got something for you. For when you’re the man in the castle.’ ‘It’s a palace, Downey.’ ‘Whatever, here.’ It’s a small journal with segmented pages. Downey explains that it’s a diary but you get to write in the dates so one day can be two pages, if necessary. ‘You can start it whenever you need to,’ he continues. ‘So you know, if it all happens and you’re up in the hot seat at an odd time to buy diaries.’

It is odd, having someone other than Madam know his plans. He doesn’t like it. Mostly because it means Downey wants to be helpful because Downey says, ‘you’re mad as a hatter, Dog-botherer, so there’s no way that position is going to make you more mad than you already are.’ It’s said earnestly and desperately. Vetinari wishes Downey had never said it because it told him too much about what Downey wishes to never witness and never have to do. Vetinari says, ‘if I go the way of Snapcase you’ve my permission to put me out of my misery.’ Downey’s face is painful to look at.

March, a very wet month. Downey finds a dog about to be put in the Ankh by a miserable youth. He roughs the youth up and keeps the dog. ‘He’s going to be large,’ he proudly says as the dog puts his muddy paws all over Vetinari’s clean room. ‘But he’s clearly a dumb thing,’ Downey continues with evident affection. ‘Dumb as a doorknob aren’t you?’ The dog pants up at them stupidly. Vetinari suggests a classical name for the creature but Downey won’t have it. He knows Vetinari only suggested it because he thought it something Downey would go for. ‘His name is Wilber. Wilber the Fierce.’ Vetinari looks up at the ceiling and Downey thinks it a sweet way of laughing.

Wilber turns out to be some form of mutt. A mix of all the big Ramtop hounds with something of a shepherd in him. Downey likes to tell Vetinari how he is progressing in his training. Downey could talk about Wilber for hours. Vetinari says, ‘you’re terribly keen on this. It’s worse than your penchant for discussing fungi at length. I dread the day you become a father.’ To which Downey says in his caustic manner, ‘me? A father? Never. I teach, I already have kids. They’re all monsters.’

December, brings a late first snow to the city. The first Hogswatch of Vetinari Patricianship is uncertain. Everyone looks at him differently - not just a ‘you’re in power’ manner but a ‘we’re looking for your sanity’ manner. To make sure he still has it. To make sure it’s not about to scarper off somewhere else. To make sure he’s not becoming Snapcase. Vetinari never expected such searching looks to bother him and they don’t. (Mostly.) When it’s Lord Rust, Lord Venturi, Mr. Slant, Dr. Cruces it doesn’t bother him. It’s Hogswatch Eve at Guild Hogswatch Dinner when Downey does it. And Vetinari decides it doesn’t bother him. What does Downey’s opinion matter? It doesn’t. So Vetinari casts the scrutiny and all the layers within it aside.

And there are many ways to cast aside unimportant things. Vetinari has become like the old legend of the Fisher King. There is much to put right in his land. Ineffective and fearsome city officials to dislodge. It’s a cleaning of house, you take the carpets to the backyard and beat them. Watch the dirt come loose and blow away. He has not spoken to Downey in person since ascending to this high office. The highest in the land since the Kingship hardly counts anymore. It is strange to not have that man leering at him saying things like, ‘what’s that Dog-botherer? Cat got your tongue?’ Then laughing.

May, what is there to say about May?

Spune, Downey has not seen Vetinari since the Ascension to the hot seat of Patrician. It’s been a month. Dr. Cruces seems miserable about the entire situation which is something, at least. Downey is generally pleased when Dr. Cruces is upset. Things that upset Dr. Cruces that Downey has decided he loves includes, but is not limited to, the following: spearmint ice cream, the new fashion for students of brightly coloured stockings beneath their uniform breeches, Klatchian horses, silver bells, Genuan aguadente aged 15 years in oak, Brindisi vinho verde, reports written in blue ink instead of black, Vetinari as patrician.

‘I don’t understand why this pleases you,’ Dr. Cruces says after a fruitless guild meeting. ‘Vetinari hates you.’ Downey says with great equanimity, ‘but he would never let that cloud his judgement which is more than can be said for you.’ Downey does not say that Vetinari rarely hates. He can be annoyed by things, disgusted even. But hate? That’s an emotion you really have to work to earn. Things Vetinari hates that Downey knows of includes, but is not limited to, the following: Mimes, wind and reed instruments, disordered filing, uneven wall decorations, asparagus.

February, Vetinari contemplates the future. He knows it will be within this year that he will become Patrician and the air is tense with potential. The city roils and writhes in the electricity that proceeds storms. People brush against each other, look at each other with meaning, they know there is something coming. But what? Vetinari asks Downey if he ever particiapted in any of the rebellions and uprisings against Snapcase to which Downey said, ‘oh, you know.’ Vetinari replies, ‘no, I don’t know, which is why I’m asking.’ Downey smiles, pats his cheek, and says it’s in the past.

Vetinari wonders how best to make it clear to Downey that when the man inevitably becomes head of the Assassins’ Guild Vetinari will expect a certain protocol from him. There will be no calling him “Havelock” or leaning on their past amiableness for favours. It doesn’t occur to him that Downey doesn’t require such a talk until years later when Vetinari will think, ‘oh, he’s the only one other than the Commander who hasn’t tried to call me Havelock.’

Grune, what does Downey want as payment? ‘Take me to that new Klatchian place, Syrrit House or whatever it’s called. And I want to be a lord. Lord Downey has a nice ring to it.’ Vetinari says he will see what he can do. They talk about payments and methods and old school fellows and former Patricians and strange little memories from their youth and everything that isn’t right in front of them which is the Patrician’s palace. It dominates the Ankh-Morpork skyline. Vetinari can see everything slowly settling into place. He says, ‘August. It’ll be in August.’

August, Downey shows up saying he has an appointment with Vetinari. He stands where the invisible stain of Snapcase resides. His boots on the wood that he had dirtied a year ago. Vetinari says, ‘messy inhumations were never your thing. You prefer clean and delicate.’ Downey agrees but assures Vetinari that were he to ever inhume him it wouldn’t be embarrassing. It’d be tasteful, a poison, he wouldn’t be shamed.

Downey asks, ‘you ever think about doing something else?’ Vetinari thinks for a long time. So long Downey fidgets and the clock in the hall can be heard through those oak doors and Wonse’s quill scratching on parchment is a feint noise.

At length Vetinari says slowly, ‘I have. Once upon a time. But I was a different person and the world was a different place and the people in my life were different than they are now.’ 

‘Where would you be now, if you weren’t patrician?’ 

‘Downey,’

‘Dog-botherer?’ 

Vetinari opens his mouth then closes it. Downey’s smiling that smile that still sits in Vetinari’s pocket. The one he never knows what to do with because it’s a rare, sudden thing he only gives to certain people. 

‘Don’t let me detain you.’ 

Downey’s smile continues, ‘fine, fine. Be mysterious. I’ll see you next year. Don’t go mad in my absence. August is a fine month for anniversaries.’