#Dr Copeland for the rescue

[lovecolibri]

Everyone saying that Buck HAS to date a death doula to come to terms with almost dying. WTF??? He could, you know, go see Frank? Or Dr. Copeland, what happen to her? Or maybe talk again to Eddie, or Maddie, or Bobby, or Hen, or literally anyone???

People are twisting themselves into pretzels on here and on Twitter in order to justify the storyline as necessary for Buck processing his death. WHY.DOES.HE.NEED.TO.DATE.SOMEONE.TO.PROCESS.DEATH? And why does that someone need to be a woman if queer Buck/Buddie is actually in the cards?I've also seen people claiming a relationship would never work because of her profession, but he's in a profession that routinely sees death. These aren't convincing me.

Really, I'd bet any amount of money that the story is 100% just Kristen loathing the idea of Buddie and wanting to put Buck with another woman. And if/when the relationship doesn't work out, the general audience will still be like, "He's only ever liked women! He's straight!" Kristen's anti-Buddie mission will have been accomplished!

I'd love more than anything to be wrong, but I just don't see how people constantly spin these storylines as, "No wait, this means Buddie canon!" I already see many people who were positive that something would happen with Buck and Eddie in the finale backtracking while others are continuing on as if it would be totally normal to have Buck professing his feelings about Eddie one episode after he was with a woman.

Honestly, I know that I sound bitter towards fans, and while I'm...frustrated by people being willfully ignorant and then hurting themselves, I don't really blame them. Kristen is the one who is 100% responsible. But she'll continue to do this, and get away with it, if fans keep making excuses for these dumb storylines instead of rightfully complaining.

He could oh IDK, talk to CHIM who has nearly died twice?! A good, solid brother bonding moment? Look, I'm just...SO opposed to the idea (that a LOT of shows do) of dating someone just to work on yourself and figure things out so you can be ready for the ACTUAL person you want to be with. That's just....using people. Like,

So I'm side-eyeing TF out of people saying Buck needs to date this woman to figure out....whatever and that Eddie needs to date some new woman because...whatever reason so that they can become "better" for each other. Something something is that love? Shouldn't it be when you're at your worst and they're at their worst something something. They don't NEED to date these new women to make them "better ready" to date each other and it's kinda gross actually but ya know, I'M the misogynist because thought L was a terrible character and a waste of time. 🙄

I've never thought anything Buddie would happen this season, then I got a little hope at Ryan just absolutely slaying 6x10 and Buck's rescue but 6x11 and then knowing what all was coming up made it pretty clear to me where this season was headed. Do I think we could still get Buddie canon? Sure! Never say never until the show is over (and even then, they could still do a movie a few years later 🤣). I'm not currently planning to stop shouting about it or let the show off the hook just because they put Buck and/or Eddie with someone sufficiently pretty enough for other people to settle for that instead, and you know Timmy would just loooove to get the accolades for pulling off something "groundbreaking" like this (which is basically him stumbling into lightning in a bottle chemistry and then dicking around for 5 years which EYE wouldn't call groundbreaking but whatever). But even he has bosses and at this point it feels a bit like he got overruled so he fucked off to work on the other show and left OG to flounder it's way to it's end. I can WANT Buddie, and think the show still has done enough work to make it plausible, and still think it makes the most narrative sense, while still being skeptical of the show going through with it. Not even just regarding mlm ships, but 911 would NOT be the first show to undermine it's own narrative set up and logical character arcs for the sake of drama or just pure stubbornness by a showrunner that doesn't like how people are interpreting "their" show. It wouldn't be the first show to end leaving fans unsatisfied with the ending either. 911 used to be something different than you usually see with a procedural with more focus on found family and working dramatic things out in a logical and human way and it is still pretty much there, just with a lot more of the good stuff happening off screen, so I would hope it would treat it's storylines, cast, characters, and audience with a little more respect, but also, it's KR soooo not getting my hopes up on that.

Now if you'll excuse me, I gotta go read some fluffy fic before I scream myself horse or figure out how to molotov KR's office from my house with my brain.

[not-really-a-guest]

someone exactly like you

“Eddie says he likes me. Like likes me. Just as I am.”

Ravi, bless him, does not laugh. Instead, he scrunches his forehead and tilts his head to the side.

“And this is….new information?”

If Buck wasn’t confused before, he sure as hell was now.

1,500 words, getting together, featuring Ravi who just wants to work a shift in peace. (one line borrowed from Bridget Jones’ Diary)

Read on AO3 or below the cut !

It’s past eleven in the firehouse and most of the shift has gone to bed to catch whatever sleep they can before the inevitable bell ring. The lights are dim, and the loft is quiet. Buck sits at the table with a pen and a yellow legal pad.

Buck is on bullet point number seven when he feels Eddie over his shoulder.

“I already made the grocery list,” Eddie starts but his voice breaks off when he reads what Buck has been writing. Buck groans because he knows what it looks like and it’s not what it looks like, but he also knows any explanation is going to sound stupid.

“It’s a list of personality traits that need some work.” Eddie gives him an unimpressed look. “For me.”

“Did Dr. Copeland tell you to do this?” Eddie asks hesitantly and takes the seat to his right. Buck puts down the pen and tries to explain.

“No, I saw it on TikTok and, look, I know it sounds all sad but it’s actually really good to be self-aware! Like, it’s when healing can really happen.”

“There’s self-aware and then there’s self-deprecating. And you don’t need healing from,” Eddie looks at the list. “Talking too much.”

Buck supports Eddie in therapy but Therapy Eddie was kind of a pain in the ass sometimes. Mostly because he was usually right.

“I like lists. You know that.” Eddie nods. “So, it makes sense, I list the things I want to work on and then when I do, I become a better Buck. And then…” he trails off.

“And then?” Eddie asks.

“And then when I meet someone…The Someone, I can be a person they really like.” Buck tries to smile but he doesn’t make it very far when he watches a complicated mix of emotions dance across Eddie’s face. Buck feels a pit in his stomach, he really didn’t want this to be a big deal and the last thing he wants is Eddie to worry.

He goes into (what Eddie calls) ‘fix-it mode.’ Which usually involves a long-winded ramble.

“Eddie, it’s okay, these aren’t even bad things to fix! Abby thought I was too young; I can’t really do anything about that. Allie thought I was too risky, and I’ve really gotten better but the job isn’t going to change. And Taylor-“ Buck doesn’t miss the look of disdain that crosses Eddie’s face at her name. Buck shrugs. “Well Taylor thought I was needy and clingy which are things I should change anyway-“

“You don’t need to change.” Eddie usually doesn’t cut Buck off when he is talking, even if it is a long ramble. Bucks’ eyebrows raise in surprise, but Eddie’s face has gone from worried to serious and he’s got that look in his eyes and his shoulders are squared. Normally this expression would mean he’s gearing up for a fight, but there’s something else in his tone Buck can’t quite place.

“I’m really glad you think that Eds, but I just…I want to be the best guy I can be so someone can like me-“

“I like you.” Buck stops. He’s about to say he means in the romantic way, but Eddie’s eyes are shimmering and a faint flush is inexplicably spreading across his cheekbones. Eddie takes a deep breath and holds Buck’s gaze. “Buck, I like you. Just as you are.”

The shrill ring of the bell cuts through the loft and they both jump up, and apart.

—

It’s a messy car pile-up on the freeway and Buck and Eddie work together getting people free of their cars and transported to the paramedics. It’s good to be busy, it keeps the focus on the patients and Buck is almost too occupied to think about what Eddie said.

Almost.

Just as you are. Not calmer or wiser or stronger. Not more cautious on rescues, not more level-headed when it comes to his personal life. Not a better gift giver or even a better ping pong player…. just…him. Just Buck.

The call takes them to the end of their shift and as they pack up the fire truck, Buck stays behind.

“Promised Carlton I’d work the first two hours of his shift so he could see his daughter’s school Halloween parade.” He tells his team. Chimney yawns while he nods, and Hen rubs her temples.

“You’ll be okay?” Bobby gives him a once over. Buck purposely doesn’t look over at Eddie, but he can feel him doing the same.

“Always.” Buck gives the team a general wave.  Eddie gives Buck a look he can’t decipher and the strange flush starts spreading again before he turns around and climbs back into the truck.

Buck is paired with Ravi for the clean-up, and he really tries to pay attention to the story Ravi is telling him about his roommates, but his mind keeps circling around Eddie’s words and the more debris he clears the more confused he gets.

“Buck? Are you okay?” Ravi asks hesitantly and Buck belatedly realizes he’s been calling his name for a full minute.

“Shit, sorry. Just thinking.” Ravi nods and they work a few minutes more in silence, but Eddie words keep ringing in his ears and it’s going to drive him crazy, and he can’t keep it inside anymore, so he turns to Ravi. “Eddie says he likes me. Like likes me. Just as I am.”

Ravi, bless him, does not laugh. Instead, he scrunches his forehead and tilts his head to the side.

“And this is….new information?”

If Buck wasn’t confused before, he sure as hell was now.

“Well yeah? He said it like he likes me. The romantic like.” But Ravi’s expression does not turn to shock like Buck expected, instead he looks to the sky and lets out a sigh.

“I thought being moved to the B shift saved me from this.” Ravi takes a deep breath and looks back at him. “Buck, literally everyone thinks you and Eddie are together. The only thing people can’t agree on is how long it has been going on.”

“Really?” Buck is still mostly surprised and a bit confused but he’s also starting to feel something else. Something warm.

“Really. Can you think of why?”

And Buck pauses and thinks.

He thinks first of a seven-year-old kid with glasses sliding down a fire pole, two strong pairs of hands leading him down. He thinks of a Christmas party, of hanging a banner, of Mario kart and pool and building a house of cards and throwing popcorn. He thinks of a collapsing mud tunnel, of red splattering on a white shirt, of the crunch of metal as a car met a bicycle. Carpools and betting pools and emergency contacts. Shared grocery lists and lockers.

They weren’t a ready-made family. They made their family. Built on trust and hard times and forgiveness and hope and love.

God, there was so much love, wasn’t there?

“Oh.” Buck nearly drops the hubcap he’s holding. He feels a bit dazed but also incredibly steady. “Oh.”

“Can I please make a tik tok series about this? I feel like I deserve to.” Buck absentmindedly nods.

“Yeah sure, hey do you know what time it is?” Eddie is the one with a watch, so Buck never bothers to wear his. They’ve really done this backwards haven’t they?

Buck isn’t wasting any more time.

—

Usually after their shift, they go home, take Christopher to school, grocery shop while the store is empty, unload and make brunch and decaf coffee, and then pass out for a few hours. Buck knows their routine well and knew he would beat Eddie home. He sits on the front step and waits, his right leg bouncing up and down and his left hand running through his hair. He showered in a rush after his shift ended and didn’t have time to style it like usual, but none of it matters. What matters is the man driving the truck slowly down the street. The man who has the power to break Buck’s heart completely, but for the first time in his life Buck feels sure it won’t happen.

Eddie parks and makes eye contact with Buck through the windshield. Buck gives him a wave that probably is the opposite of smooth, but he can’t dwell on it because Eddie is walking towards him. He stops a foot in front of him and gives Buck a tentative smile.

It’s all Buck needs.

“You like me just as I am.” Buck states and he is powerless to stop a smile from overtaking his face. Eddie nods.

“Well, if we’re being honest…” Eddie looks at the ground and kicks a stray rock. He takes a deep breath and looks back at Buck. His eyes are shimmering again, but Buck realizes it’s not because he’s getting ready for a fight. He’s getting ready to be brave.

“I don’t just like you, Buck. I love you. All of you.”

Tears prick at the corner of Buck’s eyes, and he knows this is it. This is his great love story; this is his happily ever after.

“Eddie, I think I’ve loved you this whole time.” Eddie smiles and Buck realizes he isn’t the only one with watery eyes.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I love you, Eddie. So damn much.” He takes a step closer and nearly closes the gap between them. “And I’m going to kiss you now if that’s okay.”

And Eddie let’s out a laugh and Buck takes that as a yes and he cups the side of Eddie’s face and brings him in for their last first kiss.

They stand in a driveway on a Tuesday morning and Buck wouldn’t change a thing. He loves them just as they are.

[because-i-am-barely-even-human]

Omegaverse

Omega!Buck, Alpha!Eddie

Post-lawsuit, Eddie and Buck made up and are back together again. Eddie relapses with street fighting.

Eddie comes home after the fight at the ring. Chris is at abuela’s, so he’s not worried for his son seeing him like this. Buck is home though.

Eddie is beat up but not too bad. Buck patches him up quietly, doesn’t talk, even when Eddie tries to say something. The only time he spoke is to tell Eddie harshly to be quiet.

Eddie is sitting in a living room, when he hears Buck crying. He feels so much guilt because he knows he’s the cause of this. Eddie went to Buck, tries to comfort him:

Buck: Don’t-… don’t touch me!

Eddie: Buck-…

Buck: You promised you’ll stop fighting. You lied to me.

Eddie: Evan, please-…

Buck: You looked me in the eye, told me you would stop fighting, for Christopher, for me, and you lied! How could you?

Eddie doesn’t know how to make it better. Buck’s breathing becomes erratic. He’s having a panic attack, then he faints. It all happens so fast.

Eddie is scared, calls 911, they rush him into the hospital.

They don’t know Buck is pregnant.

Because of all of the stress, Buck almost lost the baby. Eddie is devastated, terrified for both Buck and the baby, while doctors checking him up.

Buck calls Pepa to pick him up (they are close, cuz Pepa is awesome). He and Chris are going to stay with her for a few days.

Eddie wants to be close to Buck but knows it’s for the best. He needs to sort his head out if he wants to keep his family together.

A few days later Buck and Eddie sit down and talk everything out. Buck knows that not everything is on Eddie, they have issues, relationship is a two-way street. They need a therapy, which is surprisingly Eddie’s idea.

Buck doesn’t tell Maddie about any of this because as much as he loves her and fire family, he doesn’t trust her not to tell Chimney, who’s in turn gonna tell everyone, and before you know it everyone will have some unwanted opinion and advice about this. They would judge Eddie (he speaks from his own past experience with their attitude towards him when Buck just started at 118), which is the last thing he needs right now. Not to mention that this time he could be fired for good. No, what Eddie needs are help and support and he’s gonna get it (Buck, Chris, Pepa and Abuela will provide it, believe that 💙).

Bonus:

Ramon and Helena somehow found out about Buck and Eddie’s family issues and decided to show up unannounced to take Chris with them because he needs stability (do you see my eyes rolling skywards? 🙄).

They start to berate Eddie like they always do. He’s getting angry and ready to explode on them, when Buck steps out of the kitchen, heavily pregnant (which Diaz parents apparently didn’t know) and in the most menacing voice tell them to butt the fuck out of their business. They are a little bit scared (and who’s not gonna be? Buck is terrifying force of nature when he wants to be, but when he’s pregnant and protects his mate? Double trouble for you). Still, they try to protest (ha! your funeral). When Eddie finally goes off:

"You may be my parents but that’s all you are. You’re not my pack. Buck, Christopher and our unborn child are. Abuela and Pepa are. But you? You are not it. With the way you treated me, Adriana and Sophia? I doubt you ever really were. Half of my fucking problems stems from your whole messed up “suck it up and move on, Edmundo. Real men don’t cry about their feelings, mijo."

And just when you think it can’t get worse (for Ramon and Helena, of course)…

Oh, would you like at that? Christopher heard all of his grandparents’ berating and negativity and told them that he never wants to see them again:

"Did you think I can’t hear how you speak to and about dad all the time? How you spoke about mom? Why do you think I stopped calling you? I might be a kid but I’m not stupid."

If someone's interested in writing this, please tag me when you're done.

[half-bakedboy]

"I'm not going to be the person I'm expected to be anymore" - Retrospection time for Buck (maybe a therapy sesion with Dr Copeland)

"I'm not going to be the person I'm expected to be anymore."

Buck said the words out loud, repeated them just as Dr. Copeland had asked him to, but there was something nagging at the back of his brain, an itch that he couldn't scratch even as he tried to.

"My traumatic experiences do not define who I am as a person."

Buck tried to believe the words he whispered in response but all he felt was the ladder truck crushing his leg, all he heard was Christopher calling out his name in fear, all he smelled was the fire thrumming through his veins, all he tasted was his own blood--Eddie's blood-- in his mouth.

"My value is just as significant as any other person."

You think you're expendable, but you're wrong, Eddie's words echoed in his head and he shook them away as he inhaled deeply, closing his eyes to focus on the last positive affirmation Dr. Copeland had been trying to get him to truly feel ever since their first session.

"I deserve to be respected and treated with love."

Images of Bobby and Athena, Maddie and Chimney, Hen and Karen, Taylor, Albert, Josh, Carla, all flashed through his mind, but nothing matched the brightness of Eddie and Christopher smiling at him as if he meant the world--and to them, he did.

"I am," Buck decided and it felt like the most important realization he'd had since Eddie was shot; but that one he hadn't quite admitted out loud yet.

[canonicallyobserving911]

Buck & Eddie: Buck Breaks

Buck could be having flashbacks while he’s doing chest compressions on that victim in the season 6 trailer that’s causing him to break.

Based on the newly released trailer for season 6, it appears that Buck is on the verge of having a breakdown which has been predicted by the “Buck Breakdown Era Truthers” since season 5 started and he stopped going to therapy (read blog post: “Buck & Eddie: Before Buck’s Breakdown” for more on Buck’s possible breakdown in season 6).  He’s been carrying a lot of emotional weight and if the person he’s doing chest compressions on in the season 6 trailer dies, he will take it hard because they all take it hard whenever they lose a victim in the field.

Losing anyone is hard for everyone

In 2x17 “Careful What You Wish For”, when Eddie’s estranged wife died, the team took it hard and they all grieved with him.  

Also in 5x4 “Home and Away” when one of the two cheerleaders died both Hen and Eddie took it hard.  

All of the 118 took it hard when the mother of those three girls died in 5x15 “FOMO”.

Athena took it hard in 5x14 “Dumb Luck” when one of the teenage boys who had been stealing stop signs almost died after he was hit by a car. They all take it hard whenever they feel like they can’t save someone and Hen’s comment during the season 6 trailer regarding how hard it is to lose someone in the field applies to any person they can’t rescue after they’ve tried their best to revive them and keep them alive.

The person Buck is doing compressions on in the trailer is wearing a white or light blue shirt and based on the walls that are behind Buck’s head, it appears he’s working on a patient who probably attended the game at the stadium.  Due to all of the trauma Buck has experienced but hasn’t dealt with, it’s definitely likely that he could be experiencing flashbacks about all of the people he believed he had lost over the years including Eddie, Maddie, Bobby and Chimney.  They are all his family and he hasn’t dealt with any of his feelings of abandonment since he stopped talking to Dr. Copeland before The Shooting.

Bobby

Bobby is Buck’s pseudo dad and Buck told him in 3x10 “Christmas Spirit” that he was one of the most important people in his life and that he didn’t know what he would do if he lost him after Bobby almost died in 3x9 “Fallout” from a Cobalt chemical spill.  

He almost lost Bobby again in 5x16 “May Day” and Buck was on the verge of having a breakdown when he believed Bobby had been hurt by the roof that fell on top of him and May during the Dispatch Center fire.

Chimney

Chimney is not only Buck’s co-worker, when he and Maddie get married, he will also be Buck’s brother-in-law and Chimney is also the father of Buck’s niece Jee-Yun Buckley-Han.  Chimney was stabbed by Doug before Doug took Maddie in 2x13 “Fight or Flight” and Buck was the one who found Chimney laying on the ground in front of Maddie’s apartment.  

Also Buck is still carrying all the guilt he felt after Chimney left in 5x4 “Home and Away” because he wouldn’t break Maddie’s trust and tell him where she went. Chimney punched Buck in the face so he’s probably still carrying the weight of receiving a black eye for protecting his sister.

Maddie

Maddie is Buck’s sister and she almost died in 2x13 “Fight or Flight” when Doug, her estranged husband tried to kill her and Buck went with Athena to find her.  

She tried to kill herself by walking into the ocean in 5x12 “Boston” after she left and even though she told Buck she was leaving that time, he still felt like it was his fault.  Therefore he could also be having flashbacks to the two times he almost lost his sister: (1) when her husband tried to kill her and (2) when she was depressed and struggled with PPD.

Eddie

Eddie is Buck’s everything, the love of his life and the person he wants to spend the rest of his life with and since Buck has almost lost Eddie more times than he would like to remember, the weight he’s carrying around because of the times he thought Eddie had died, is extremely heavy.  Buck’s panic level continues to rise every time he believed Eddie was dead and the last time it was practically past 100 and he’s still paranoid that he could lose him.

Bobby had to drag Buck away from digging and clawing at the earth with his bare hands at The Well in 3x15 “Eddie Begins” after it collapsed on top of Eddie.  Buck screamed and cried for him because the other half of his heart and soul was in that well.

He was in shock after The Shooting in 4x13 “Suspicion” and 4x14 “Survivors” and he was leaning over Eddie’s body the entire time they were inside of the firetruck trying to stop the bleeding and worrying if Eddie was going to live or die.  He thought that was it and he couldn’t fathom the idea of losing Eddie.

The Hostage Situation in 5x6 “Brawl in Cell Block 9-1-1” with those escaped convicts didn’t help Buck’s panic either especially since Buck thought Eddie had been shot again.  Buck ran towards the gunfire instead of away from it like everyone else did.

Eddie’s breakdown in 5x13 “Fear-O-Phobia” was the worst one of all for Buck because he thought Eddie had killed himself.  Eddie’s locked bedroom door and his lack of responses to both Christopher’s and Buck’s calls for him were scary for both of them.  Buck was trying to mentally prepare himself to see Eddie’s lifeless body.

These are just a few of the things that could be leading to Buck breaking and having a mental breakdown after he’s done doing chest compressions on that victim since he’s been carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. He finally got rid of the woman who was making him miserable and stealing all of his joy during season 5 but he still hasn’t dealt with any of the things that have happened since he stopped going to therapy before The Shooting.  Will he have a breakdown or experience flashbacks during season 6? Only the writers, showrunners and producers know the answer to that question.

[stagefoureddiediaz]

Hi! I've spent a good chunk of my night going through all your colour theory and costume theory posts (I absolutely love them!!) and I'd love to see your thoughts on the burnt orangey brown colour that they keep putting Buck in. Do you think there is a particular reasoning behind it, be it tied to his emotions/character arc or is it just that the colour looks good on him?

oooh thank you so much for such a great ask!

Firstly, I’m so touched that you’ve spent time going through all of my costume and colour theory posts. It means so much to me that people are taking the time to read my super long posts and that they’re finding them interesting, informative and making them think about the show in a new way.

I have lots of thoughts on the fact we’re seeing Buck in this gorgeous yellow ochre shade, because while I’m sure the fact that he looks so good in it played a part in the costume teams choices, it actually reflects his character arc and emotions perfectly. We see him wearing it in scenes which are important for his character. I’ve put a list blow of all the times we see Buck in this shade (he does in fact wear the same jumper twice - in S3E6 and also in S4E4)

S3E6 36:17 - Buck is wearing a dark yellow ochre waffle knit sweater when he’s sent home early by Bobby, and he sees the woman with a man in her windshield. this scene comes after we see him apologising and making up with Eddie and just before Bobby admits its time for him to get out of Bucks way. Buck has learnt some valuable lessons throughout the tsunami and lawsuit arc and this is the culmination of them.

S4E2 41:00 - Buck is wearing a yellow ochre jumper and we first see him on a video chat with Maddie, Chim and Albert, but the actual significant moment comes after this - when he heads up stairs to a counselling appointment and we hear him telling Dr Copeland how he’s been thinking about their previous session - ‘How I hide my true feelings from others - I’m starting to think you might be right’

S4E3 8:18 - the next time we see Buck he’s wearing a t-shirt - its in the exact same shade as the jumper from the pervious episode, and this is when we have Buck confesses to Maddie and Chim (at their apartment) about his counselling, before later on (11:57) he talks in more detail to Maddie about his therapy - they discuss being sad and lonely and how he wants to ‘be finer’

S4E4 40:48 - Buck is back in the dark yellow ochre waffle knit sweater for this scene when he talks to Maddie about their parents and then finds out about Daniel.

S4E14 21:29 - This jumper is leaning much more towards brown yellow ochre than yellow. we see him talking with Tay Kay about his Crane rescue escapades before she kisses him - he wants to talk and she runs away, we then have Ana phoning and he runs to Eddie at hospital. We then see Buck at the hospital facilitating Eddie communicating with Christopher - before he talks to Eddie about how he failed Eddie by breaking down when telling Christopher about Eddie being shot ‘might have been better for him if i was the one that got shot’

Then in the same episode (39:18) Buck is picking up Eddie from the hospital, wearing a yellow ochre shirt, this is when Eddie confesses about the change to his will, Bucks pretty introspective in these scenes only really throwing a few questions Eddies way. we then see him in the same shirt when they get back to the Diaz household and he’s leaning on the door frame smiling as he watches Eddie and Chris reunite - again its pretty introspective and thoughtful (and a bit wistful).

S5E3 35:08 - the first time we see them in in civvies in season 5 and Buck is back in Yellow ochre (that’s 3 important scenes on the bounce), bearing in mind that earlier in the episode he pushed Eddie into talking about his panic attacks we’re seeing him, in the locker room finding out his use of open communication with Eddie has worked - Eddie confesses he’s going to talk to Ana. We then see him return to his empty flat alone - and he communicated that loneliness with the seemingly throw away line ‘hey honey, I’m home’

S5E4 00:24 - the next episode he’s still in yellow ochre - this time a short sleeved shirt, when he’s at the Buckley-Han apartment talking to Chimney about Maddie - a scene where he’s keeping secrets.

The shades of yellow that Buck has been wearing a lot in the last couple of seasons are yellow ochres. Ochre is an interesting colour because it can range from the yellowy brown we’ve seen Buck wearing right through to a bright red (its the red ochre we see cave painting made of!). Like I’ve said in previous posts yellow is a colour of communication, it stimulates mental activity, it is also a colour associated with mental health and is know for being a positive and optimistic colour.

However because yellow ochre can also be considered a brown shade, it is important to look into the meanings surrounding this colour as well. Brown is a sensible, serious and grounded colour, it is considered dependable, resilient and is generally considered warm toned.

when we combine the meaning of both colours we get a pretty accurate descriptor for where Buck is in his life and the fact we've seen the prevalence of this colour increasing in his clothing only highlights his character growth. All of the scenes where he’s been dressed in that colour he’s either communicated something important, he’s been working on his mental health (I would include both of the conversations he has with Maddie about therapy and Daniel in this alongside the therapy sesssion), or we’ve seen him grow as a character into a more grounded and somewhat (because who are we kidding, Buck will always be Buck) more sensible person.

He’s becoming better at communicating, his thoughts and needs (except with Tay Kay which is an interesting exception to the rule where they are barely communicating at all on a personal level - its all superficial or not about them), this includes with himself - we’ve seen (through Olivers excellent acting) him turning the conversation inwards - becoming introspective and really thinking about what people are saying to him - this is especially evident during the will reveal scene when he communicates a huge amount without actually saying very much and you can watch him processing all that Eddie is telling him.

The yellow ochre shade has become a really key colour for Buck, and we should definitely be looking out for what Buck is saying when he’s wearing the colour and what character growth we’re witnessing, because it's clearly very important.

Wow this got a bit longer than I thought, but it is a fascinating subject and I can't wait to see what happens the next time we see him in yellow! Hopefully it answers your question and thanks again for giving me the opportunity to expand what i've previously said!!

[outrunningthedark]

Buck & Eddie: 4x07 - 4x14

✨ Buck describing his disaster date with Veronica to Eddie, mentioning that Dr. Copeland told him “everyone needs a safe space, a place where you can fully be yourself” ✨ THEY CAUGHT THE TURKEY ✨ *Buck appears from around the corner as Eddie closes the front door to his house* “You’re late.” ✨ “You’re a miracle worker.” // “No, just an excellent negotiator.” ✨ “I was not allowed to turn the lights off or tell [Christopher] a story.” “Probably just as well after you told him that little thing about the kid in the rotisserie.” ✨ *Buck fumbling with his words* “How, how...how was the, the big date?” ✨ “Buck, you gotta help me. Christopher---” // “Is here. He used your phone to call an Uber.” ✨ [Buck to Christopher] “...You’ve still got me. ‘Cause I’m not going anywhere.” ✨ Buck and Eddie sharing a smile behind Chimney’s back when discussing potential names for the Madney baby ✨ Buck and Eddie working together to extract Albert from his car after it crashed ✨ [While looking at pictures of Jee-Yun] “Sure that’s a smile? That’s the same face Buck makes when he’s gassy.” “I will take that as a compliment, ‘cause that just means she looks like her Uncle Buck.” ✨ “Can’t you both be good cops?” *Buck and Eddie simultaneously* “No.” ✨ [Eddie @ Buck] “I’m curious to know what your definition of ‘too much discipline’ is.” ✨ Buck showing disappointment because he wasn’t chosen to go with Eddie for the helicopter rescue ✨ Eddie referring to T*ylor as Buck’s girlfriend, Buck responds with “She’s my friend, not my girlfriend.”*Eddie makes a “yeah, sure” face* ✨ [Eddie @ Buck before the treasure hunt] “Two brains are better than one. What if we worked on it together? Split the $5 million fifty-fifty?” “Sorry, I, uh, already made a deal with T*ylor.” *Eddie is visibly bothered by this* *Buck gives an audible sigh* “How would you feel about 33-and-a-third?” ✨ Buck and Eddie trying to get information about the treasure hunt from Ravi  (communicating with their eyes 👀) ✨ Showing up together to dig for the treasure (along with the rest of the firefam) +  Eddie getting out of the passenger seat of Buck’s car ✨ “We didn’t kill him.” // “We just wanted to.” ✨ “At this point I don’t trust anyone.” Eddie: *is not amused* ✨ Eddie tells Buck and Chim about Sheila poisoning Charlie with eye drops. Buck drives himself and Eddie to the apartment (using the battalion car) after a call from Charlie. ✨ “Eddie thinks it’s tetrahydrozoline poisoning. Uh, eye drops.” ✨ Buck assures Eddie “that kid is just lucky he met you.” (Are we ready to relive the pain?) ✨ Eddie is shot in the shoulder by a sniper while standing in front of Buck. His blood ends up on Buck’s face and clothing. ✨ Buck goes completely still while watching Eddie fall to the ground, only moving when Captain Mehta pushes him out of the sniper’s sight. ✨ Buck and Eddie maintain eye contact as Eddie is bleeding out. Eddie weakly reaches for Buck, but Buck cannot escape Mehta’s hold. The last thing Eddie sees before (temporarily) losing consciousness is Buck’s face. ✨ The season finale opens with Buck rolling under the firetruck to get to Eddie. He has to pull Eddie by the arm under the truck because they are at risk of being shot again. ✨ Buck lifts Eddie into the firetruck to get him to the hospital. He opens Eddie’s shirt to cover the wound. ✨ “Hey, just... you just stay with me, okay?” *Eddie notices the blood all over Buck* “Are you hurt?” “No, no, no. I’m good. You just hang on.” “We’re so close, I just...I need you to hang...I need you to hang on.” ✨ *after Buck helps lift Eddie onto the gurney* Captain Mehta: “You okay, Buckley?” “No.” ✨ Buck tells T*ylor he needs to talk to Christopher. His hands are shaking. ✨ Buck visits Christopher at the Diaz residence to tell him his dad isn’t coming home tonight because a bad guy hurt him on purpose. “You know, your dad is uh, he’s tough as nails. He’s a fighter, right?” *wipes tears that are starting to fall* “He’s with the doctors now.” // “Like the ones that fixed you?” “Yeah, like the ones who fixed me.” // “Then...he’s gonna be okay, right?” *Buck’s phone dings with a text from Bobby that reads ‘Out of surgery. Doctors say it went well.’* “Yeah, I think so, buddy. I think so.” *Buck begins to openly cry out of relief* ✨ Realizing Buck is the one in need of comfort, Christopher tells him “It’s gonna be okay, Buck.” as they embrace. ✨ Back at the 118, Bobby says there is “no reason to think [anyone’s family is in danger].” Buck replies with “We had no reason to think Eddie would get shot helping a kid, either.” ✨ Buck is woken up by Christopher after spending the night on the Diaz sofa. (Christopher shakes his foot to get his attention.) ✨ Carla arrives as Buck and Christopher are eating cereal. Christopher claims Buck snores very loudly. “I think it’s time someone got ready for school.” “I’ll go, but I’m gonna need a nap later. Because of all the snoring.” “Yes. Okay.” ✨ Buck admits “The team feels off without Eddie.” & that he’s doing fine because “I’m not the one who got shot.” ✨ Buck tells Bobby he “cannot handle anyone else getting hurt right now.” He thinks of himself as “the guy just standing there when it happened who couldn’t do anything to protect him.” ✨ Buck is seen packing a suitcase for more nights at the Diaz residence. He gets a call. Eddie’s awake. He rushes to his best friend’s bedside. “Hey, Buck.” // “Hey.” ✨ Buck’s first order of business is to have Eddie speak to Christopher. Carla tells Eddie “Buck and I have it under control.” ✨ Eddie thanks Buck for staying with Christopher while he was recovering. Buck tells him Carla offered to keep him at her house, but Buck turned her down because he didn’t want Christopher sleeping “in a strange bed”. ✨ Buck confesses that he “kind of lost of it” when he had to tell Christopher what happened. “I’m sorry. I should’ve held it together.” “You were there for him when I couldn’t be. That’s what matters.” “Still. I think it might’ve been better for him if I was the one who got shot.” Eddie: *is visibly disturbed by this admission* ✨ Buck is in charge of bringing Eddie home from the hospital. “Hey, since we got a minute...” “Is every alright?” “Yeah, yeah, I’m just, uh...I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something.” ✨ Eddie tells Buck that he started thinking about Christopher’s well-being after the well collapse the previous year. If Eddie dies, who would look after him? “It’s in my will if I die, you become Christopher’s legal guardian.” ✨ “My attorney said you could refuse.” “You know I wouldn’t.” “Nah, I know you wouldn’t.” ✨ Buck asks Eddie why he’s choosing him over the Diaz family: “It’s not what I wanted then. It’s not what I want now.” ✨ Eddie isn’t worried about his family fighting Buck for custody of Christopher because “No one will ever fight for my son as hard as you. That is what I want for him.” ✨ “You said you did this last year. Why are you just telling me now?” “Because, Evan, you came in here the other day and you said you thought it would have been better if it had been you who was shot. You act like you’re expendable. (sighs) But you’re wrong.” *Buck and Eddie lock eyes* ✨ Buck brings Eddie to his welcome home party, smiling from the doorway as Eddie kisses Christopher’s forehead    ...and that’s what you missed on “Two Idiots In Love.” 🥂

[justsmilestuffhappens]

How would you make Buddie go canon in S5 if you were writing it?

*Cracks knuckles* Ow!

Mid first episode - "I just don't get it, it seemed like you two were doing just fine. What changed?" Buck asks as they're in a call where the others are farther away.

"She just wasn't was I was looking for, I finally realized that."

Cue Eddie and Buck regrouping as we see Eddie's face but Buck can't as he's catching up to him.

-

They're back at the station after the first minor call and relaxing a bit before the chaos starts.

Buck's sticking close to Eddie and reminds him that he's only been back in duty for under a month. He's hovering but can't call buck out on it both because it's welcome and he couldn't help it himself too back before with Buck.

They get separated for a time during the first big arc of the blackout culminating in Eddie seeing Buck first thing when the power is back or they touch arms or something sorta innocuous.

Title that one "Illuminated" or maybe "Blinded by the Light"

We then cut to Buck coming over after the big emergency as he's still half moved in to the diaz home.

He looks at Christopher and Eddie similar to when he did in the finale only they call him over asking what he's waiting for and he looks to be thinking it over before he joins them on the couch or in the kitchen after their long shift.

"Why are you smiling Buck? Did you think of something funny?" Christopher asks as they go about their usual, he's an active part.

"No buddy. Just glad to be spending time with my two favorite people, that's all. Just what I needed," think of it similar to Eddie's therapy, a parallel.

He looks over at Eddie then at Christopher before saying he has to make a phone call real quick.

We assume that it's with Taylor his girlfriend but it's actually Dr. Copeland as things have changed and he feels different more certain and he needs to talk about it.

He's still with Taylor but they've cooled off and he's been busy with the boys up until a month ago yet still they haven't broken up.

--

A few episodes later maybe two.

Eddie mentions Taylor while they're on a scene with her there but Buck and her didn't greet each other or even talk at all though, something up or is Eddie just thinking too much into it.

Towards the end of the episode or in the next we see that they've broken up or agreed that they're better off being friends instead.

Eddie wonders why Buck didn't share this with him much like how Eddie didn't share his break up with Buck for some time before.

We know for sure Eddie sees things different and now he knows that buck's also broken up with Taylor but he can't be sure yet about if he feels the same way.

--

Mid season finale comes up about 'crossroads' or something like 'point of no return' very on the nose for an episode title.

Eddie has been having conversations with others in the firehouse we see Hen, Bobby, Chimney, while buck has been talking to people outside of the firehouse , Copeland, Taylor, Maddie and the episode has a few mysterious cases that end in unexpected ways for people that they rescue for this shift.

We end on their minds being made up and just as Eddie is about to leave his place before he can open the door Buck's coming in, at it.

Immediately face to face with the person they want most in the world they are right there on the precipice, a threshold, the last boundary between them that's already kinda been crossed.

Eddie invites Buck in to talk as the last voice over is of Eddie saying the final monolog only half way it cuts to Buck's voice finishing it.

They're both on the same page now and they know it this time.

-

Somewhere in there have Eddie tell Buck "Welcome Home," and get a reply back of something like, "thanks, it's good to be home,"

Now the next obstacle or hurdle that might be tricky is that they're unsure of how Christopher will take the news but they're not alone in this plus Buck's already kinda been a part of their family for some time now really. He's a part of their home, they're his home.

[fandom-101]

'Ive actually been thinking alot about what u said in our last session, and how i hide my true feelings from others......im starting to think you might be right'--Evan 'buck' Buckley.

We have all discussed about what this scene means and whether there is more it than just Buck going off on his parents or being extra open about everthing going on in his life to strange people (that negotiator guy, Taylor etc) cough BUDDIE cough

But what i wanna know is why is Buck coming to this realization, or thinking tht this assessment by Dr Copeland might be true in these episodes?? (where he didnt have center stage?? Where it wasnt about him and it didnt seem like Buck was deliberating on something thruout them??)

These episodes:

With the three roommates, the bestfriend (dylan) coming cleaning about being in love with his buddy's girlfriend.

Sylvia, the civilian with Athena, coming clean about her survivor's guilt making her stay at home for years.

Athena coming clean about how hard it was for her to get back to work and lying to her family about being fine.

May kinda coming clean about why she took the job as a 911 dispatcher.

Chim coming clean about being scared of repeating the same mistakes as his dad.

That lawyer dude under the bus coming clean about why he kept his female work partner out of a business meeting.

So that line 'ive been thinking alot of about you said in our last session..' seems like Buck was delibrating on it. That it was on his mind when the 118 rescued the people from the Bus, when they rescued the biker in the storm drain, and when he and Chim saved those pregnant ladies and he advised and supported Chim through his fears of being a parent.

Makes you wonder what any of these events made him realize that there is some truth to what Dr Copeland said?

[halinski]

I have a lot of feelings about Buck, like don't even ask, I will never be able to put it into words or anything other than abstract feelings in this world

I just know this, Eddie loves Buck and Buck is ace and Taylor is a relapse ✌️

"You've been shutting me out."

It's ironic, Eddie thinks, that these exact words come now 20 minutes after the black out, which felt like maybe the world had shut down. They were stuck mid rescue in an elevator and well, the world had been such a whirlwind since he'd been shot, and this emergency and that- but now it had stopped. And they'd succumbed to their fate, sat down on the dingy elevator floor, bathed in a red back up light, the building silent around them. Out there, somewhere, a siren rang, and Buck sighed.

It was deep and heavy, like he was Atlas lifting the world off his shoulders for a break, something like relief, like that first deep shuddering breath when your lungs finally recovered from a run. It was way too heavy for a young man, barely thirty, who was finding himself. Eddie knew that Buck had been fighting lately. Mostly himself, but also his parents and past, and pushing past the boundaries of life that had been set around him. Then there was the shooting and Buck had truly been nerve-wrecked, Eddie was far from blind, and hell, he'd been a little preoccupied with figuring himself out, and recovering, letting go and paving the way for a future with no regrets- but he'd seen Buck. It was harder to look away at this point.

But he had, because the world had been spinning and Buck had been putting enough pressure on himself, becoming an uncle, and taking care of Chris with full abandon, and therapy and... Taylor. Eddie hadn't wanted to push too hard.

Now that they were here though, just the two of them...

Buck's looking at him, that irritated lost puppy stare, vulnerable and defiant all at once, like Eddie was the first to venture into certain spaces that made up Evan Buckley. It was a deliberant choice, at this point. Back in the beginning, he'd just reached out a hand and had been surprised to find an anchor to the world he'd never knew existed, and now he ventured further deliberately.

It hadn't been a question, and even so Buck looked ready to fight him, a last defensive wall, before he caved and those murky blue eyes dropped away. Full submission.

Eddie waited, opening up the room and hoping for his partner in crime and rescue to fill it and yet... Buck only shrugged weakly.

"Things have been..." He started half-heartedly, losing motivation half-way through and concluding with a disheartened, "busy." Eddie watched him busy himself with the callouses on his palm, picking and rubbing, as if he could erase the last few weeks of running himself ragged.

There had definitely been a lot less mentions of calls to Dr. Copeland lately, a lot of unfocused Buck, who was making himself smaller, less noticeable and quieter. Not that he was actually quiet, Eddie knew Buck could fill the building with vibrance for the benefit of everyone around within the blink of an eye. But his true emotions dwindled, where they'd slipped out before in shadows of an action, or an obvious plea hidden in drowning eyes - now he was more... Calculated.

And even now, Buck lifted his head again under Eddie's scrutiny in square-jawed surrender as if that was that to this conversation, there was nothing more to be done.

Eddie was not convinced. They'd gotten way too far, the two of them, to slip back down to the trenches in this mud slide. Eddie had found solid footing in his own world, and he was unafraid right here, under private eyes with the one person in the world he trusted most. Solid enough that he could stare right back at the nervous energy Buck was holding back and dare it.

What are you so afraid?

A question he had asked himself many sleepless nights, especially after Carla's little "follow your heart" speech, after he'd laid in bed, heart racing, hearing shots and all he wanted had been to-

All he'd wanted was safety, and he could've kept lying to himself, could've deliriously shouted at the universe that he didn't know where he could ever feel safe again, and yet his own body and heart had long gone betrayed him that day in the hospital just before he'd walked out, explicitly stating that he had signed his heart off to Buck a year ago. He couldn't even call it betrayal, because there wasn't a single cell in his body that doubted his decision, that doubted Buck. He just doubted... Himself.

And maybe that he'd be enough for Buck right now, still. He was so far from his best self, and yet better and more stable than he'd ever been. So he sat and he stared back, arms resting easily in his lap, and challenged.

"Why do you keep going back to her?"

Goddammit, Eddie, way to sound like the most jealous jerk in the world.

Buck winced, eyebrows seeming to ask 'really?' and 'what do you mean?' all at the same time and then shrugging again.

"Taylor?" He asked simply, biding time probably.

"Yeah," Eddie assured, the hum of the emergency light their only company as he waited for Buck to reply.

"She's the only one who really wants me," he said, but the tone of his voice wasn't right. Unconvinced. The admission to easily offered to ring true.

Eddie can't stop the snort of disbelief from escaping him. From all that he's heard about the rust-haired reporter... He couldn't imagine what Buck saw in her. He'd seen the effect of her words on him, saw Buck fall in line behind her with a bowed head, saw how the hurt now flared in Buck's face at his open faced challenge to that statement.

A part of Eddie wanted to grab Buck by the face and scream at him, can't you see?!

You're wanted whole-heartedly by me.

But Buck wasn't his to love yet, not really.

"Look, I don't know what you see on the outside but... She wants me. She chose me and I- what more could I ask for, you know? I'm... I'm working on it. On myself. And for now- this is it," Buck said, rattling it down like he was trying to work it into a checklist.

Eddie just wanted to know what 'it' was supposed to mean. But he nodded, because in a way it did make sense. The same way Ana had made sense, even though she absolutely didn't and he was glad that was over and he could laugh over that foolish affair now.

People had questioned his change of heart when he broke up with her during recovery, but when they'd realized he truly wasn't heartbroken and backsliding, they had taken it in full stride. A little misstep, no great scars taken (well except for the new bullet hole in his shoulder but that didn't really have anything to do with Ana, it just happened to be a part of the same journey heading toward a joined destination) and here they were at a pit stop.

The silence simmered between them, just somewhere right before the cliff, staggering before the precipice toward their comfort zone. It had always taken a little leap from both sides to get them to where they were today. Buck usually happens to fall into his without thinking much, just because he was ready to throw himself in dangers way or alternatively, rushing in out of sense of duty, and making it seem so, so very easy. The way he had walked into Eddie's house and kitchen, stepped right into his space and said: 'i'm here and I'm owning my mistakes because you're worth it' or something of the sort. All Eddie remembered was the care and the genuine emotion he'd felt and... The realization that he'd finally found home.

"It just feels like... You smile less when it comes to her." Eddie still did't really want to say her name. He wasn't about to go out blaming Taylor for all the times Buck was sad- it was just an observation. It took a lot to get Buck to giving up his smile. He hated that Taylor accepted a watered down version of him; bright, bold, and boasting Buck.

"Do I?" Buck asked, a furrowed crease appearing between his eyebrows, truly confused.

Eddie nodded.

"Relationships are always a compromise," Buck offered with a half-hearted twitch of his shoulder. "You know me. We're both pretty stubborn. We butt heads."

Buck flicked his wrist for a useless gaze at his watch. It made them none the wiser about the state of their rescue.

"Yeah, I know you," Eddie retorted gently. "Though, you do tend to have a point."

He could come up with a million examples. Eager, always ready to show up and make it work, Buck. How many times had he burrowed himself into Eddie's skin already with truths that stuck like thorns until Eddie accepted them into his bones.

All he wanted was to return the favor

The man granted him a small, crooked smile. It was crazy how much so little could mean to one person. Desperate, wounded, isolated Buck.

How Eddie wanted to tell him explicitly 'dont do what I did, kid, don't fall back into and habits at first chance just because you don't think you're worth anything else'- there were reasons why it didn't work in the first place. He'd learned the exact same lesson with Shannon. And God, the way Eddie had dragged Buck with him back then, for safety, as he had ranted to him and searched for the answers, only to make the same damn mistake.

That wasn't his life.

And Taylor wasn't Buck's. And Eddie knew this.

Knew from what Buck had told about her the first time she had been around, and from all that Eddie had heard about Buck's relationship to sex. It had turned into a joke at the station, oh, Buck and his self-diagnosed sex addiction, but Eddie recognized that worried little steeple on Bobby's forehead when he reminded everyone that that one therapist wasn't licensed to work for them anymore. But it went way deeper, didn't it?

Eddie knew about self-destructive behaviors. Not intimately. But he'd learned a lot about PTSD lately and adjacent behaviors. Buck and sex was a self-destructive bomb if he'd ever seen one.

And it was no coincidence that Taylor and Buck's relationship centered around physical intimacy.

Buck showed up where he was wanted or needed. They all knew that.

"Just... Make sure you get what you want too," Eddie said. "Put yourself first."

Cue the bewildered, insecure facial expression. Now and then Eddie wished he could hide Buck from the world. Shield him. For now all he could do was stand by.

"Because you'll always be wanted. Make sure the reasons are right for you. It has to be good for you."

And Eddie wouldn't be leaning so far out the window if Buck were to look him in the eyes and say 'nah it's not like that' but all he did was get quiet. Eddie couldn't leave him sitting like that, rearranging himself to stretch his legs out before they fell asleep and casually leaning his shoulder against Buck's.

"You're a good guy, Buck. You deserve only the best.

If you wanted Buck to hear you sometimes you had to get straight to the point.

Maybe one day Eddie could conquer his fear and say what he really wanted to say.

When they were both ready.

[wanderingwomanwondering]

Buddie s5 - Hospitals & Prisons

I get the hospital theme because they’re firefighters, but they seem to be going to/spending much more time in hospitals than usual??? The hospital (for obvious irl & in-show reasons) seems to represent emotional distress and the need for healing for buddie.

We see that with eddie’s panic attack landing him in the hospital, the buddie talk about eddie’s “heart attack” at the hospital, the hostage situation in the hospital ambulance bay/emergency lane (possibly bc eddie’s not quite ready for healing???), buck worrying over eddie during the hostage situation from inside the hospital (possibly bc he’s ready to help but doesn’t quite know how???), when eddie finally enters the hospital he and buck are loudly distant from one another and eddie is cloaked in shadow in the waiting room, eddie’s obviously having a hard time emotionally while he’s helping the cheerleaders’ and their families in the hospital, and while david’s hospital is burning down buddie are having a very emotional moment over the parker & sis rescue which prompts another near panic attack from eddie. We could argue that hospitals don’t mean much and are just a part of the job, but that’s not so much the case for prisons.

The 2 prisons (Cell Block 911 & Past Is Prologue) seem to matter because it’s not a common place for firefighters to be. The prisons seem to symbolize hidden/isolated emotions, solitary confinement. I always took the prison/riot in 506 to be a metaphor for eddie’s hidden/repressed feelings starting to escape. Eddie and taylor are maybe parallel which would make sense given that she and eddie both play their cards close to the vest and have emotions that they try to contain/keep to themselves.

We know from buck’s past therapy session with Dr. Copeland at the start of s4 that he too has some hidden feelings. In 509 buck actually said that it’s brave of taylor to admit her real feelings. If the symbolism of the scene means what I think it might mean, taylor admitting her real feelings is what frees her from (emotional) prison. It also suggests that buck isn’t really free. He’s there for her, sure, but not he’s not talking about his own emotional stuff so he gets to walk around looking free but not actually being free. Maddie did say that buck is great at looking like he’s fine when he’s not. He looks free but he’s dressed in almost entirely in black, just like eddie at the suit-fitting (at the tailor lol) right before be fell the f*ck out and decided to break up with a*a. 👀

Anyway the hospital and prison stuff has me in buddie clown feelings so I thought I’d share.

[name-me-regret]

Lost to the Flames 12/20

Chapter Twelve: You’re Not Enough

- ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ -

“It’s never easy, being told You’re not enough, you don’t fit this mold That bitter feeling, no sugar coating that It’ll knock you down, flat on your back Oh no no no this isn’t some little love song Or a cold shoulder, dear, for your tears to freeze on It hurts to lose something you once had had But take a good look around at all the good things you still have

‘Cause there will be another There will be another one Something new to fall into It will be a better one There will be another There will be another one Someone you will hold onto There will be a better one

Good things will happen, bad ones will too So remember that, as they happen to you Oh no no no this isn't some little sad song Or a cold shoulder, dear, for your tears to freeze on It hurts to lose something you can't have back But take a good look around at all the good things you still have...”

~There Will Be Another - Bronze Radio Return

- ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ -

June 17, 2017 - LAFD Station 118 - 12:50PM

It was almost one in the afternoon before they were able to stop for lunch, the morning having been filled with nonstop calls. The worse one being the window washer hanging by his leg, since Buck had hesitated. He’d doubted himself and his abilities, and had never felt more self-loathing than in that moment. It was definitely something to talk about during his next session with Dr. Copeland, which was Monday.

He had a talk with Bobby and while he didn’t tell him about him having been a SEAL, he mentioned his time in the Navy since he already knew about it. Buck told the man that this wasn’t the first person he had lost, but it felt different because Devon was a civilian. It felt different, since he had looked into Devon’s eyes and seen the will to live leave them, and then he had let go.

Now, he was sitting at the table as he clutched the card of the trauma counselor that Bobby had given him. He’d divulged to him that he was already seeing a counselor, mostly because he didn’t want to see anyone else. The man had asked about the therapist and he’d told him it was a VA therapist, but she worked with first responders. Even then, Bobby had given him the card, saying this particular counselor was vetted by the department.

Chimney put a plate in front of him, obviously by Bobby’s request, but he barely touched it.

“You still hung up on the rollercoaster call?” Chimney asked, hitting the bull’s eye. “Look, people die, Buck. That’s part of the gig, but you’re seeing them like long-term relationships. They’re one night stands, man,” the older firefighter told him. He said some other things, but he’d stopped listening. Buck didn’t want to see the people he was trying to rescue like some quickie in a bathroom bar, refused to use that analogy for his job.

“Hey,” Hen called as she and another person walked up, “hope you guys don’t mind, but I brought some company to lunch.” Buck turned and almost smiled when he saw Athena. “Athena’s going through some, uh, some stuff at home. She could use some TLC.”

The blonde man frowned and wondered if it had anything to do with why she’d been in the hospital the other night. He decided to ask her later. “Why the long face, cowboy,” she asked him, sitting across from him. Buck wondered if he’d ever shake that nickname, but he really doubted it.

“This is my face,” he told her.

Bobby told her that he was having a difficult time getting past a call. He liked her uniform analogy better than Chimney’s analogy. The bell rang shortly after that before he’d managed to take a bite of the food. Buck wasn’t really hungry though, so it was fine.

Read the rest on AO3.

[littlespoonevan]

i was watching the scene where buck vomits blood because earlier today I read a ficlet about it (shout-out the writer it was so good that i thot damn i def should watch this scene again that was so traumatic for me tha last time lmao it was a great fic) anyways so YouTube kept reccing me all the traumatic things buck went thru the firetruck thing, tsunami, losing Chris, blood womiting, trying to rescue that man under that thing-holdin the rope all alone, Denny, LOVE ME ANYWAYS (always gets me..so simple yet so vulnerable), his best friend's blood on his face...and i was like...this dude.. right here...went thru so many freaking things and like (it honestly makes my skin crawl seeing buck vomiting blood) he gets up everyday and try to be his best self, try to help people, love them unconditionally, irreversibly and i know it's stupid Ciara but god! that is what a hard thing to do! i just- i don't know it's just- i am afraid to not see him happy i guess because he deserves it. He deserves it so much God i love him so much

ugh i know!!! buck went through basically a lifetime's worth of trauma in just one year alone and honestly like, please let him rest and find peace ok he deserves it!!!!!!!!!!! and as great as it is for the show to tell us that buck is in therapy for himself and not necessarily anything job related, i would absolutely Kill for a proper scene of one of his therapy sessions just to actually see what he discusses with dr copeland bc god there are so many options to choose from

[inawickedlittletown]

Alone Together - meta/review

This was such a good episode! I think while I thoroughly enjoyed 4x01 and the way that it got us back into the rhythm of things especially with, you know, a pandemic happening, 4x02 got us back into the usual balance of emergency and personal aspects. 

-

Spoilers below:

The episode begins with news coverage and it’s a good way to jump right into what’s happening and give us a recap to last week. And then we meet the three roommates. I can’t be bothered with remembering their names, but they were fun. The dynamic there is interesting and of course, this leads into some really awesome shots of the Hollywood sign breaking and the mudslide. The whole sequence is such a good opening for the episode and it sets our scene well. While I don’t have any complaints, this emergency is smaller scale to the tsunami and the earthquake of the past two season openings, but that isn’t much of a problem when we consider that they shot this in the middle of a pandemic. So, it works. 

What I found most interesting about this episode, and in a way how it continues the stories that were begun in 4x01, is that we delve further into the personal. Not every character is featured heavily, but we get small and big moments with all of them. 

Athena: 

The struggle that Athena has faced since the end of last season has been handled so well. Her trauma and how it lingers on her and yet doesn’t change how strong and fierce and amazing she is, is amazing to watch. It’s inspiring. Having Athena be right in the midst of everything especially when she wasn’t supposed to be just fits so perfectly. Having her contrast with Sylvia who is afraid of leaving her own house, and having Athena rescue Sylvia and herself and not give up, not even when the voice of dispatch was her daughter asking her to save herself. I just love Athena so damn much. She went through a journey in this episode and while I don’t think that her trauma is over, I think she will push herself to move forward and move past it. If not just for herself, then for May. 

I also really appreciated that we got a moment where Athena gives her approval of David by telling Michael that David looks tired. It was such a nice touch. The Athena and Michael relationship has been developed so well from S1, to a place where they are both with other people but can still be family. 

And finding out that May made the choice to be a dispatcher over going to school to be about her mom felt absolutely right and I feel so much for both of them and both sides, but I do have to say that May’s outlet for her lack of control in her life/the life of her loved ones is at least healthy and it’s making a difference. 

Lastly, I will never not be fond of Bobby and Athena — the way that Bobby was allowed to go search for her personally and that moment when they saw each other. His promise to always search for her. After everything Bobby went through during Athena’s attack, it’s easy to think about how difficult this was for Bobby. 

Chimney:

The other big focus of this episode was Chimney. 4x01 set up the living arrangements and it was immediately apparent that while Chimney had his reasons, that he didn’t need to be as set on that. After all we’re told that both Eddie and Hen went back home to their kids, so Chim should have gone home to Maddie and his unborn baby. 

It’s nice that we begin this conversation with Buck and Chim, instead of directly involving Maddie. We already know how Maddie feels about this — she misses Chim and wants him around. 

Chim’s joke about his “bad joke” being a “dad joke” was perfectly in line with his type of humor and it set us up for the conversation to come in which we learn that Chim’s whole problem is not just concern about the pandemic, but a deeper fear that he won’t be a good parent. His convo with Buck certainly offers some insight into his worry, but also the willingness that Chim has to do absolutely anything necessary for his baby, whose gender the characters and us, the viewers, don’t get to know yet. 

The rescues that Chimney and Buck end up going on begin with Chimney — not Buck — hearing a baby crying. And just like with Athena, the emergency itself gives Chim more insight into himself and into his situation and into what he needs to do. He rescues the baby, finds a bunch of pregnant ladies, and then goes on to deliver a baby and while talking to the mother, I think Chim finally gets to understand what the importance that being present for Maddie means. 

We get a very sweet moment where Maddie arrives home and finds Chimney already there and the whole thing is just emotional enough both from Chimney’s perspective of just how pregnant Maddie is and Maddie’s surprise and joy to have him there with her. They really are the sweetest together. And by the time that we’re in the closing parts of the episode and we see Maddie and Chimney on a video call with the new roommates — uncles to be Buck and Albelt, it’s clear that they’re settled together and happy and that Chimney knows better than to argue about coffee. 

Hen:

Ms. Henrietta Wilson knows how to emote with her eyes. We first see her reactions to Chimney’s bad joke and just her general demeanour and it’s all perfect, and then gets better when she’s reacting to Bobby’s facts about the Hollywood sign. In a liveblog post I said this was very Buck and I stand by it. Not just the rattling of facts, but the need to research a new place in some way. 

But where it gets good is when we see Hen in the middle of the drama among the roommates. Hen does so much with just a slight widening of her eyes, or a look in a certain direction. The timing is absolutely perfect and is practically alone in making that scene funny. 

Other than these small moments we don’t get much of Hen in this episode, but we do get the sweetest moment towards the end where we get to see Hen and Karen’s daughter, Nia. Not only is this little girl adorable, but with just a couple of lines, I’m sure she’s stolen every viewer’s heart. And to add to this, the love and pride that Karen feels for Hen radiates. I cannot wait for the show to go further into Hen’s experiences on her road to becoming a doctor. 

Bobby:

Bobby mostly plays the part of a secondary character to everyone else’s story. We see plenty of him and we learn that he’s the one with facts about the Hollywood sign. Mostly, I enjoyed that he played a part in finding Athena and I think it was an interesting choice to have him keep his composure and be professional. In some ways this relates to May and the conversation that May has with Maddie about the need to put feelings and personal stuff aside to do the job. And yet we know that after what Athena has recently gone through, that none of that could have been easy for Bobby. 

Eddie: 

Very little Eddie once more. I’m honestly not concerned about it to be honest. I’ve seen a lot of talk about how little he shows up in promo stuff and all that, but I just think it’s important to remember that this is an ensemble show with a rather large cast and that it’s entirely possible focus on his character will come in other episodes. And to consider that he’s one of the characters that was chosen for the cross-over. 

But we did get to see minor Buck and Eddie interaction, and more importantly we got to see Eddie and Christopher. 

And I think it was so important to bring Carla in, even over video, because she really is a huge part of Chris’ life. It does lead to the question of who is taking care of Christopher while Eddie is at work? How is school being handled for him? And it was just so lovely to see Eddie fall asleep at a bedtime story too. 

Buck: 

He is just so damn smart. Who would have thought to follow the feedback to find that baby? Buck is the kind of character that takes in the variables and finds a way to problem solve. He’s the kind of smart that you want and need in a crisis. And he’s also very cognizant of what’s going on with Chimney and his sister enough to be able to try and get through to Chimney about how he needs to move back home. I just love the consistency of having Buck be research crazy, quick to figure things out, and still at times a dumbass. It’s what makes him so perfect. 

I also appreciate that he’s called out for having too many rules by Albert and I just want to know all about the rules that Buck would impose on those staying at his place other than the sharing of chores that is mentioned in the episode. 

I’m also very curious about Buck and his therapist, the covid crush that literally everyone on the internet scoffed at and figured out even before last week’s episode aired. We were all right. It was fun to see all the crazy theories, though. But I do find it interesting that Buck feels he needs to hide the therapist from everyone because that isn’t really about what he and the therapist might be talking about, as much as it is about not wanting to be judged for needing a therapist. 

And his feelings are absolutely valid. Not because I think anyone in the 118, or Maddie, will judge him for needing it, but that they do sometimes her pushy with things and wanting to know more — we see that already with the covid crush thing — but I think it’s also to do with not wanting to explain himself and all of this is even more valid with the knowledge that we have about Buck’s parents showing up. 

But, the fandom at large has wanted Buck to talk to a professional for a long time, so I think we’re all very happy that he’s getting help. And I’m also very glad that we got the reveal in this episode and it wasn’t drawn out and made out to be something it isn’t for much longer. 

Dr. Copeland. They really know how to pick names on 9-1-1, don’t they? 

But of the small clip we get to see of her, it is clear that she is helping Buck and Buck begins the therapy session we get to see by admitting that Dr. Copeland might be right about him hiding his true feelings and Buck, holy hell, what does that mean?

Because, it could literally mean anything. It could be about his sexuality and discovery about his romantic feelings about a fellow firefighter. Or it could be that it’s about how much of himself he hides away or doesn’t present to the world in light of, you know, all the trauma that he’s faced and that we’ve all wanted addressed. This could also tie in some way to his past and that doesn’t have to take away from possible reveals about his sexuality. Mostly, it just makes me more and more excited for Buck Begins. 

Overall, an excellent episode. I love the things it touches upon and how the show isn’t steering directly into a deep focus on covid and instead giving us these moments of things have changed and this is how it is now from seeing everyone in masks, to seeing Hen going to her class online, and even down to Buck’s therapy happening over a screen. It is excellently handled when it comes to David and Michael and not only in the confirmation that they are living together in spite of the possible contact with the virus, but in how we see them handle that. Michael taking care of his man. All of that was lovely. 

The episode closed out on an amazing note, giving us these momentary glimpses into where everyone is and their familial spaces and the love and acceptance felt there and all the small tidbits and hints at what may be coming up. 

[patch410]

Buddie First Kiss

(Nighttime in Buck's apartment. Opening shot, from a short distance, a set of keys on the bar side of the island in Buck's kitchen. The door opens, Buck enters the apartment pulling his keys from the deadbolt.  Eddie stands behind him in the doorway just outside, staring down. Buck walks over to the island, sets his keys on the counter, phone on the charger, turns around. Eddie is still standing in the doorway, now looking at Buck) BUCK: Aren't you coming in? (Eddie walks into the room, now staring at his own keys on the counter) BUCK: How 'bout a beer? (Eddie shakes his head. As Buck walks over and shuts the front door-) BUCK: Come on, I know Christopher's staying at his friend's, we're not working tomorrow, so you don't have to rush off.  Have a beer and maybe a little Mighty Fight Fed? EDDIE: No, I'm good (Eddie puts his hand on his keys. Buck walks up behind Eddie, puts his hand on top of Eddie's on the counter) BUCK: But you're not good. You said almost nothing on the ride over, not a word on the way up. Something's eating at you, what's the problem? (In a quick move, Eddie grabs Buck by the front of his shirt, pushes him up against the door, Buck slides down a little. Buck's face is pure shock) EDDIE: (angry but not loud) YOU. You're the problem. Why do you do it? I was fine, getting the ready for the ladder and setting the lines up. But you, you have to walk twenty feet on a narrow ledge three stories up, without a line, and nothing set up on the ground. One slip and you're gone forever. BUCK: (a little angry) Our side was cleared, the hall was gonna be blocked, and with that many people it looked like you had a 2-man job, and you had all the safety lines. EDDIE: (Louder, in Buck's face) GONNA be blocked! LOOKED like a 2-man job! I'm not a kid, if I need help, I can ask. But Full Buck fears no risk and I’m forced to watch. Don't you have any idea how much I care about you? (Eddie is breathing heavily. He looks Buck in the eyes and kisses him hard. Buck's face reverts to shock, but he quickly responds to Eddie, Buck puts an arm around Eddie's back, his other hand on Eddie's neck.  They continue to kiss, several times, lasting almost 10 seconds. Eddie is still holding Buck against the door, when he stops and looks down. Both men are breathing heavily now) BUCK: Eddie . . . Eddie, I feel the same way . . . I want you . . . I didn't think . . . (Eddie lets go and pulls back, Buck's arms reaching out for him as he goes) EDDIE: Didn't think, what a surprise! BUCK: Come on, Eddie, don’t. (Eddie turns around to the counter, leans with his hands on the corners, he takes a couple of deep breaths. As he stands upright-) EDDIE: I can't do this. It's too much. (Eddie reaches for his keys, starts to pull them off the counter. Buck is there in a flash, slaps the keys out of Eddie's hand back to the counter, grabs Eddie under the arms, pushes him against the wall next to the door and presses body against Eddie's. Eddie doesn't resist, just stares over Buck's shoulder) BUCK: No, no. You do not get to prove we're in love and then walk out. EDDIE: Let me go, Buck. BUCK: No. I'm not gonna just let go. EDDIE: How long do you think you can hold me here? BUCK: I'll stand here all night til we get this straightened out. EDDIE: Let me go, Buck. BUCK: Not until you promise not to leave before you and I are settled. EDDIE: And if there's nothing to settle? BUCK: Nothing to settle . . . That's a load of crap and you know it. PROMISE! EDDIE: Okay, okay, I promise. (Buck eases away from Eddie, but keeps his hands resting on Eddie's shoulders) BUCK: Eddie, even before tonight we knew we cared a lot about each other. I look at you and I wanna be with you. We have so much together, more now, how can you even think of walking away? (Eddie looking fierce) EDDIE: It'll be tough, but I can if I have to. BUCK: (in a rush) But, you don't have to. I'm sorry I scared you. I can do better. (**Buck leans his lips into Eddie's neck, starts kissing his neck as he speaks. Eddie's eyes close, feeling the pleasure, he leans his head back, breathing a little harder**) BUCK: **(slower, passionately) I will do better, Eddie, I mean it. I'll do whatever it takes, whatever you want. I'll do anything for you. I'd carry you up a mountain, walk through flames for you** (At the last line, Eddie's head snaps down. he pushes Buck hard enough he falls back into the counter.  Buck breathing hard, half-standing, leaning against the counter Eddie takes deliberate steps towards him) EDDIE: (really angry) That's exactly what I don't want. You're no good to me dead, or to Christopher.  One too many risks and I might have to watch you die. Christopher and I would have to stand with Maddie and your friends as we plant you six feet under. I guess I thought you'd stay alive for Chris, if not for me. You'd fight for him. (Buck still breathing hard, distraught and in shock at Eddie’s temper, clutching the counter, almost in tears) BUCK: (pleading) Please, Eddie EDDIE: (catching his breath, sighs) Okay, Okay, calm down (Eddie helps seat Buck in a bar stool. He walks over to a cabinet, pulls out a whiskey bottle and two shot glasses, sets them on the counter. He looks at Buck for a second. He fills the shot glasses) EDDIE: Here. (Eddie hands Buck his shot. Buck hunched over, stares at it like he doesn't recognize it, then downs it fast. Eddie does his slower. Buck breathes more controlled, then holds his shot glass out to Eddie, for another) EDDIE: (putting the bottle away) No, no more whiskey; I know where more shots leads us at this point. BUCK: Such a terrible a thing? EDDIE: Not settling a thing. BUCK: (looking down, after a second) Okay, then. While you're up, grab me a beer from the fridge. (Eddie shakes his head, gets two beers from the fridge, opens them, hands one to Buck. Buck takes a swig) BUCK: Yes, I would fight for Christopher. But it's because you're part of him. When I look at him, I see the bravest and happiest parts of you staring back at me. How could I not love your little boy? Of course, he's important to me, but Christopher's not the one I fell in love with. EDDIE: Fell in love. I wanted to think it was possible, but I thought you only wanted to be best buds. BUCK: I thought that, too. You were married, had a kid. What was I supposed to think? EDDIE: I've seen you with Taylor, but your thing with Abby made me think you couldn't be into me. BUCK: With Abby? Why Abby? You weren't even around when we were together. EDDIE: The absent girlfriend who held your heart, you didn't even try to move on for ages. It was like she was the only one who could make you feel like that. It's LA, lots of chances out there, and you didn't see them. Didn't see me. (Eddie takes a sip of his beer) BUCK: Yeah, it took therapy for me to sort out my feelings. All my feelings, including some "latent feelings towards men," Dr. Copeland said. Guess what relationship in my life triggered that discussion? EDDIE: Oh. BUCK: Yeah. But you were hung up on me and Abby. EDDIE: Okay, yes, I was. The night of the Pacific Western accident finally convinced me. BUCK: A train wreck. How fitting. EDDIE: Yeah. She's back in your life for an instant and you're already ignoring a triage decision, ignoring your own safety, just to please her. Watching you hanging on that unstable train car that could crash down at any second, yes, I was scared, but I was angry, too. I'd just changed my will to make you Chris's guardian. I knew it was right for him. I was trying to figure out the best way to tell you. But there I am, seeing you with a power saw, dangling 75 feet above the ground, risking your life, and I think, “He's made himself expendable . . . again . . . so maybe he can save Abby's fiancé. Am I an idiot, or what?” BUCK: You have no idea how important you were to me that night. I guess I should've let you know.  Okay, maybe I felt I owed Abby something, and saving Sam would be a weird repayment of the debt. EDDIE: (mutters, low voice) Unprofessional. (Buck ignores this) BUCK: During the rescue task, you know your mind is on nothing else, it can't be. Afterwards, when they were taking Sam to the ambulance, with Abby next to him, but looking back at me, it was like acid in the back of my throat and being forced to swallow it slowly, and it hurt. A lot. But the first thing I saw after the ambulance door closed was you. You were worried about me, how I felt. I still hurt badly, but you made me feel like I had good things in my life, that there was love. You were the balance that let me go on. EDDIE: You asked why I waited to tell you about the change in my will. The Abby thing was a big part.  But you've done this other times, too. I'm not handling it well and I'm not sure I can. (Buck looks down, slowing turning the beer bottle) BUCK: Like when? EDDIE: The rope rescue; Jumping from that other apartment building. BUCK: Only option left. You tied the rope. You made the jump, twice. EDDIE: The sanitizer factory. BUCK: Got lost and found the last worker. You'd have done the same. EDDIE: He said he told you to save yourself when he got trapped. BUCK: And leave him to burn to death alone? You'd have done the same. EDDIE: Climbing that crane with a sniper out there. At least I didn't have to watch that one in motion. BUCK: You were in the hospital with a GSW. I was raw, I couldn't stand to see someone else hurt. EDDIE: But that's what it always is, Evan. Everyone else's life is always more important than yours. You do think you're expendable. I can face danger, but your attitude is too painful for me to live with. (After a hesitation, Eddie reaches for his keys) BUCK: You do it, too. EDDIE: What? BUCK: You heard me. You do it, too. EDDIE: I don't think I'm expendable. (Buck looks up at Eddie, suddenly miffed) BUCK: No, you're the know-it-all hero who has to do it his way, risks be damned. EDDIE: (shakes his head) I'm not. BUCK: When that well collapsed in on you, I went insane. I started wildly clawing and digging at the hole shouting your name over and over. Bobby had to drag me away and hold me lying on the ground until I calmed down. But you know what I saw when I was madly digging that was driving me nuts? A cut safety line. You cut the line. Deliberately. You want scared? I was at the other end when the line went slack. EDDIE: Okay, I never knew how I scared you. But down in that hole, I couldn't leave. I had cut through the old well to get to him. I had just touched him; the water was rising. I couldn't be pulled out then, I had to cut the line. BUCK: How long, Eddie? How long would it have taken to get out, check your gear, and get you back down with an intact line. You would've been up in another 5 seconds. Two, maybe three minutes tops, for everything else including getting back down. More time than it took Chim to suit up, gear up, and get down that hole. Except you would've had your line and Chim wouldn't have had to go down. We got Chim and the kid out okay, it was only the need for a second trip that damn near cost you your life. You had to do it your way. EDDIE: (a little testy) I was down there by myself and had to make decisions with spotty communications. I did what I thought was best. We all have to make decisions like that sometimes. BUCK: Yes, we do. You decided to volunteer for the rescue. You decided to break safety protocol. You decided to cut the line and endanger your life. You wanna dump me for taking too many risks. You do it, too. EDDIE: One time, Buck, not like you. One time under pressure, in unusual circumstances. BUCK:  Oh, no, no, no you don't. It wasn't the only time. The gas explosions in Doheny Park, the day the system went down; another time you scared the crap out of me. You climbed up a drainpipe to the roof of a burning two story house. You complain about me walking on a ledge today when you walked 50 feet across the spine of a pitched roof with no line to make a rope entry, yes, a rope rescue, into a burning room the kid wasn't even in anymore. I thought I was gonna lose it watching you walk that roof.  I DID lose it when the last gas explosion went off upstairs and we didn't know where you were. I was ready to grab an extinguisher, climb that broken ladder on the truck and make the jump into the house to help you. EDDIE: Not a good example, Buck. You admit you were prepared to kill or cripple yourself in a half-cocked rescue attempt. Again, to help me. You were expendable cuz maybe you might help me,   BUCK: But I didn't climb the ladder, Bobby wouldn't have let me anyway. And I didn't walk that roof in full gear, either, when a gust of wind could've killed you. There’ve been other times, too. But I don't complain no matter how frightened I am. It's not an issue in how much I care about you. That's the difference; you do it, too, and all I do is have your back. EDDIE: So that's part of having your back? Say nothing about being scared to death, just live with it? BUCK: I'm just saying if you think I believe I'm expendable and it frightens you, well, sometimes when your heroics put you in danger, I admit I'm terrified. You aren't as careful as you could be. EDDIE: Then can't we just be coworkers, before it's gets to be too much, and stop scaring each other. (Eddie picks up his keys from the bar) BUCK: (head down again) You promised. EDDIE: Buck . . . (Buck looks up with a serious and determined look) BUCK: You promised not to leave my place tonight until we were settled. I'm no relationship expert, but I know that "settled" doesn't look like this. (Eddie looks down) EDDIE: I'm not sure what more I can say right now to get this settled. (Buck, still looking at Eddie smacks his hand on the bar just hard enough to get Eddie's head to snap up) BUCK: Not 'This', Eddie, 'US'. I want 'US' settled. I want us; you and me together. I know you wanted that, too. After the lawsuit you asked if I thought about how my actions affected us. Well, I'm asking you that now. (Eddie tosses his keys back on the bar, Buck looks a little relieved) EDDIE: It's more than just my actions, Buck. We have to live with danger in our job, I accept that. But when you took that chance today, just to help me, not save someone, I was almost too scared to be able to function. I felt like if you fell, I should just jump myself, like if you died it was my fault. BUCK: But I didn't fall, I made it with no problem. And you functioned at your usual peak efficiency.  We were able to get everyone down safely, in time. Together we did that. Look, you admit we deal with danger all the time. But now you want to walk away from something good, maybe even great, something we both want, out of fear of being afraid? You're the bravest man I know, I don’t get it, letting being afraid interfere with living. (Eddie steps away from the bar and faces away from Buck) EDDIE: Okay, I admit I get afraid. I fear for my family. I worry about Chris all the time, about my abuela getting older. My parents, my sisters, Tia Pepa. I've already lost my wife. I don’t think I can handle much more. (Buck leans back in the stool and pushes his legs out) BUCK: And what? You're gonna cut me out? You think you can surgically remove me from the list? (Sarcastic Laugh) You're a good medic, Eddie, but not that good. I don't believe you can cut me out, or that you really want to. And I'm gonna fight it. I haven't come this far to fold. Like I said, don't expect me to just let go. (Eddie turns slowly to face Buck-) EDDIE: Right. It's never easy with you, is it. BUCK: I guess not. I'm kinda a mess. But you knew that already. (Buck and Eddie stare at each other for a long moment. Eddie sets his phone on the counter by to his keys) EDDIE: If I'm staying, I'm gonna need a shower. (Eddie turns toward the stairs and begins to go up. Cut to Buck staring at the beer in his hand on the bar) BUCK: Yeah, of course, go ahead. You know where everything is. (Cut to Eddie near the top of the stairs, he stops and turns to look down at Buck) EDDIE: Aren't you coming? (Eddie barely raises his eyebrows, then turns to climb the last steps) (Cut to Buck at the bar, stunned, looking up the stairs, mouth slightly open. He shakes his head quickly once, looks around. He grabs the two beers from the counter and heads up the stairs, taking them two at a time)

(Morning in Buck's apartment. Buck -sleeveless t-shirt, sweat shorts- at the coffee maker next to the range pouring coffee into two mugs. Knock at the door) BUCK: Ye-ah. (clearly in a good mood) (FROM OUTSIDE): Eats Beats! BUCK: (finishing pouring the coffee) Be right there. (Buck opens the door to the delivery guy) BUCK: Good morning. DELIVERY GUY: Mornin'. BUCK: So, found the place and got in okay? DELIVERY GUY: No prob. Big brunch special from La Tiendita with chicken tortilla soup? Extra guac? BUCK: Yup, that's us. Wow, you got here fast. Not much traffic? DELIVERY GUY: Yeah, be careful, the soup's still real hot . . . muy caliente. BUCK: Thanks, here you go. Keep the change. (Buck hands the guy a twenty and takes the bag and the box) DELIVERY GUY: Thank You, sir. Enjoy your meal and have a great day. BUCK: You, too! (Buck closes the door with his foot, walks over to the bar and sets the food down on the counter, he grabs plates from the cabinet, opens the packages, starts dealing with the food. Cut to Eddie at the top of the stairs -bare foot, gym shorts, pulling on a tank top, hair's a mess- stretches his arms, starts down the stairs. Buck hears and looks up) BUCK: (big smile) Hey there. Coffee? EDDIE: Hey. Yeah. What time is it? (a little groggy, no smile) (**Buck picks up the two mugs from the counter, walks over to Eddie on the other side of the bar, hands Eddie his coffee**) BUCK: **There's a clock on the nightstand on your side of the bed. EDDIE: My side . . . It’s not there now. Must've fallen off. BUCK: Must've. It's a little past 10:30. Your phone's right there. Hope you're hungry.** (Buck takes a sip from his cup. Eddie gulps some, sets it down and picks up his phone) (**Buck transfers plates and bowls to the table, places already set**) EDDIE: **Yeah, I could eat. (while checking his phone) BUCK: Good, we should get it while it's hot.** (Buck slides his hand up the inside of Eddie's arm and gently holds Eddie's bicep. Eddie looks at the hand and looks up at Buck, almost confused. Slightly grinning, Buck ducks his head a little to look up into Eddie's eyes. He moves in for a kiss. Eddie closes his eyes and seems to reluctantly cooperate. it's a gentle kiss lasting a couple of seconds. Buck rubs Eddies arm, lets it go and turns toward the table) BUCK: Let’s eat! (Cut to table, men sitting next to each other, eating and drinking coffee. Buck cheerful, Eddie a little dour) EDDIE: You got my soup. BUCK: Is it any good? Do you like it? EDDIE: Yeah, it's fine. Coffee just how I like it, too. BUCK: Excellent. I am trying here. EDDIE: I see. (The men eat for a few seconds. As Buck is picking up his coffee) BUCK: So, when do to have to pick up Christopher? EDDIE: Tasha said around five. BUCK: They're hitting the zoo today? EDDIE: Yeah. BUCK: Christopher always enjoys that. Wasn't it the water park yesterday? EDDIE: Uh-huh. BUCK: And the movies last night? Full weekend. EDDIE: Hmm. BUCK: We could take the kids to the beach next weekend, if you want me to go along. EDDIE: Okay. BUCK: Anything else you need to do today? EDDIE: No. (Buck turns to look at Eddie) BUCK: Man, once you get started you just don't shut up, do you. (Eddie smiles for the first time but keeps on eating. Buck turns back to his food. After a second) BUCK: (softer voice) Are we gonna talk? About last night? At all? EDDIE: We seem to be doing better when we're not talking. Last night, anyway. BUCK; Well, if we do have some of the day free, I'm all in for some more "not talking." EDDIE: I bet. BUCK: Come on, Eddie. Are you still half asleep or are you really in a mood? (Eddie holds his silverware to the side of his plate and turns to look at Buck) EDDIE: Alright, Buck, what do you want me to say? I'm still pissed at you for the risk you took on the job yesterday. You know how I feel about you and yet you continue to frighten me. I'm trying to deal with that. (Eddie starts eating again) BUCK: (a little hurt) We need to trust each other more, trust the other one's instincts on the job. EDDIE: (shrugs as he picks up his coffee) It's that simple. BUCK: I didn't say it was simple. And we're still not talking about what went on upstairs last night. You're still pissed after that, it changed nothing for you? EDDIE: You know I don't think that. BUCK: Well, at least that's something. Cuz I thought it was great; I don't believe it wasn't good for you. EDDIE: It was great. For me, too. Don't doubt that. (Eddie picks up their plates and carries them to the sink as Buck fumes over his coffee. Eddie walks over to Buck and puts his hand on Buck's shoulder) EDDIE: Look, Tiger, you've got to give me time to learn to deal with this. It's taken Cap years to. I've always had a problem with how you don't look before you leap. It's just come closer to home now.  What you can trust is how I feel about you. After all the drama of yesterday and last night, looks like that's not gonna change. (Eddie runs his hand through Buck's hair.  Buck smiles as he puts an arm around Eddie's waist) BUCK: Okay . . . I guess.  So . . . Tiger . . . you said that last night. Is it gonna become a thing? EDDIE: (Grinning) Maybe. Probably. I mean you did kinda pounce, not that I'm complaining. Do you hate it? BUCK: Just the opposite. Something spontaneous from you, something wild for me, how could I not like it? EDDIE: it's still Buck at the station house. We really can't tell anyone, if we want to keep working together. BUCK: I know. Departmental policy. We won't be the first to hide it. Doesn't mean I have to like it. What about Christopher? Do we tell him? And when? And how? EDDIE: Well, obviously we're gonna have to tell him, probably sooner rather than later. Not sure, but I think he'll be glad. He really loves you. But we're not gonna decide when or how to tell him right now. BUCK: I love him, too. But WE will decide when WE tell him, right? It won't be only Dad's decision. EDDIE: Yes, WE will. You're practically a dad to him already. Listen, Tiger, we have to be cleaned up and out and about soon enough. I’m also in for some more "not talking", but we don't gotta lotta time to waste. (Buck stands up turns away from Eddie. Eddie's hand stays on Buck’s shoulder) BUCK: And after today? There's not much wasted time in your schedule, is there. How's it gonna work? EDDIE: We'll find the time. We'll make the time. Our schedules might help. We're off duty some days Christopher's in school and he sleeps like a rock most nights. And I want you to spend more time with him. (Eddie pulls Buck around to face him) I'm sorry, Buck, I'm just beginning to realize this isn't going to be easy for you. Between work and sneaking around and Christopher, you'll be seeing a lot of me and most of it won't be "us" time. BUCK: Seeing a lot of you isn't a horrible thought. More time with you and Christopher is something I want, too. We already spend a lot of time together, so it won't be that big of a change. And, hey, let's be clear; I don't need easy. I don't want easy. I want you, whatever it takes. EDDIE: You've got me, and I'll do whatever it takes. But our time is gonna be precious. We shouldn't waste it now. Come on, Tiger, let's go find that clock.

[thebrokenblackman]

KRS-One - “Ah Yeah!”  Critical Analysis by Hakeem Ture

“If hip hop has the power to corrupt young minds, it also has the ability to uplift them.” - KRS-One 

The musician is a natural master of vibration and emotion. Many musicians have been able to make us dance. Many have been able to draw on relatability because nobody is the only person like them in the world. Perhaps some have even made us cry or provided soundtracks for intimate moments. Only few musicians have taken on the task of socially and historically educating their listeners through their music. 

Even fewer have been able to combine the mastery of teaching with mastery of rhythm. Those who do this become legends like; Nate King Cole, B.B. King, Nina Simone, Bob Marley, Chaka Khan and Fela Kuti’ and their influence lives throughout generations. In 1995 Krs-One released a self-titled album that came in the sunset of his reign. His career would mirror the sepia filter of the album cover. 

This album had dominant auras of militancy and rebellion that Krs-One fans had not heard since Boogie Down Productions - Criminal Minded. Krs-One was able to both appease his day one fans and gain the younger generation of Hip Hoppers who were listening to artists such as: Nas, Redman,Das Efx, Tupac, and A Tribe Called Quest. The message and timing of this album may have been divine. Let us look at the historical events of the year(s) Krs-One was creating this album in. In 1994, the United States congress had successfully completed the first step of becoming fascist by Voting to Censure Dr. Khalid Muhammad, National Advisor of the Nation of Islam. Bill Clinton and Joe Biden led Democrats to pass the The Violent Crime Control and Law Enforcement Act and effectively fueled the prison industrial complex. South Africa held it first election since intergrating with the apartheid government and Invisble Man author Ralph Ellison had passed. Hip Hop was the soul vehicle of expression to protest the genocide that had been going on and KRS One was one of its leaders. The youth looked toward this leader to deliver an album reflective of their mindstate and he delivered. 

Imperative of a classic work of musical art, this album is composed of multiple great songs, but in my opinion the cornerstone song of the album is undeniably “Ah Yeah”. In this song he masterfully uses three 16 bar verses to empower and mobilize his listener much in the same way Dr. Khalid Muhammad did. This track starts with the establishment of an a capella warcry. He writes in response to western power’s having done such an incredible job destroying the rebel instinct that Afrikan people possess by publicly shaming our leaders and traditions. These lyrics are him trying to raise the psyche of a fallen warrior class and put revolt back in its holy place as opposed to the negative connotation that has been applied by the white power structure.  He essentially made a chant-like hook with an underlying message of “This is your enemy, This is how to handle him, and THIS is okay”. The aim focuses on  redirecting the accumulated anger of a traduced peoples that is often mistargeted toward self so that we may be collectively progresssive. 

He bellows:

“Ah yeah, that's whatcha say when you see a devil down

Ah yeah, that's whatcha say when you take the devil's crown

Ah yeah, stay alive all things will change around

Ah yeah, what? Ah yeah!”

Then comes the establishment of an eerie bass line. This song structure is familiar to fans of his earlier work. It was what they were longing for. For a few albums he took the perspective of being in the classroom or office as opposed to in the battlefield with his men. He had returned to fight with us like Haile Selassie. Immediately he establishes a dual level of respect. One with his men and one with his deterrent.  

“So here I go kickin' science in ninety-five

I be illin', parental discretion is advised still

Don't call me nigga, this MC goes for his

Call me God, cause that's what the black man is

Roamin' through the forest as the hardest lyrical artist

Black women you are not a bitch you're a Goddess

Let it be known, you can lean on KRS-One

Like a wall cause I'm hard, I represent God”

In the first 2 bars of the preceding excerption he lets us know he intends to drop some knowledge, but it will not be filtered for political correctness or comfortability. The following 2 bars he establishes both a tone of encounterment and identity. Then he goes on to explain from which direction he came much like Saint Maurice's appearance upon the plagued people of Europe to let them know he has navigated and he is no spook. He goes on to talk to his listener and the most important of them, the women.

In 1994, fresh off a press tour on which she gained popularity from criticizing Bill Clinton, Sister Souljah published her first book that was heralded by black scholars and youth alike entitled No Disrespect. Her Influence was cemented in the minds of black youth and played a huge role in raising generational consciousness by dealing with topics like “how the black woman is viewed by black men” and “the black woman’s role in repairing the black family structure”. She had solely been awarded leadership duties by a disregarded demographic in a scapegoated culture and was handling it with the grace of Misty Copeland.  Her and the women she raised to consciousness needed the camaraderie of Krs One. He goes on to sell to himself:

 “Wack MC's have one style: gun buck

But when you say, "Let's buck for revolution"

They shut the fuck up, can't get with it

Down to start a riot in a minute

You'll hear so many Bowe-Bowe-Bowe, you think I'm Riddick

While other MC's are talkin' bout up with hope down with dope

I'll have a devil in my infrared scope,”

In the first five bars he addresses the enemies of the oppressed people within the oppressed people. These “Wack MC’s” are the Uncle Toms’ and Judas of the rebellious, afro-centric movement that is Hip-Hop. He says they lack discipline and do not have the self awareness to rescue themselves. In comparison with himself who uses that energy toward an ultimate goal, Independence through revolution. In the succeeding excerption KRS briefly displays the cognitive processing and coping mechanism of a warrior:

“WOY

That's for calling my father a boy and, klak, klak, klak

That's for putting scars on my mother's back, BO

That's for calling my sister a ho, and for you

Buck, buck, buck  cause I don't give a motherfuck

Remember the whip, remember the chant

Remember the rope and

You black people still thinkin' about voting?

Every President we ever had lied!

You know, I'm kinda glad Nixon died.”

Throughout the preceding excerption KRS skillfully uses onomatopoeias to create a setting for his listener. There is a battle going on. Shells casings are falling to the ground and bullets are flying from high caliber weapons. He is in the thick of it and then an enemy approaches him. He musters the courage to engage with his assailant by remembering the suffrage the morals of his enemies’ elected nation-state has caused his ancestors. Then he rejoices in the death of one of their leaders, Richard Nixon.

In the second verse Krs-One addresses an age-old topic of discussion for spiritual people that was brought forth to the Afrikans of today by Noble Drew Ali, “The Prophetic Soul”. This belief dates back to ancient Buddhism in the caves of Asia taught to us by Dr. Ivan Van Sertima in his book “African Presence in Early Asia”. This belief entails that all the prophets of the world including but not limted to; Adam, Jesus, Buddha, Muhammad, and himself were the same soul being reborn until its mission is completed.” Krs-One puts himself and a couple others in this divine line of being. 

“This is not the first time I came to the planet

 concern every time I come, only a few could understand it

I came as Isis, my words they tried to ban it

I came as Moses, they couldn't follow my Commandments

I came as Solomon, to a people that was lost

I came as Jesus, but they nailed me to a cross

I came as Harriet Tubman, I put the truth to Sojourner

Other times, I had to come as Nat Turner

They tried to burn me, lynch me and starve me

So I had to come back as Marcus Garvey, Bob Marley

They tried to harm me, I used to be Malcolm X

Now I'm on the planet as the one called KRS

Kickin' the metaphysical, spiritual, tryin' to like

Get with you, showin' you, you are invincible

The Black Panther is the black answer for real

In my spiritual form, I turn into Bobby Seale

On the wheels of steel, my spirit flies away

And enters into Kwame Ture”

In the beginning of the third verse he briefly continues the theme of possessing The Prophetic Soul but now, he does not speak from a perspective of being the people who had the soul. He speaks from the perspective of the soul. This soul is traveling and looking for a host. In the first two bars he speaks of how he was able to travel without detection from the government’s surveillance. Then, he goes on to finally choose a host that is relevant to the demographic of people it intends to reach. This host is stylish and his image is relatable, so the people will be receptive of his message through familiarity. 

“In the streets there is no EQ, no di-do-di-do-di-do

So I grab the air and speak through the code

The devil cannot see through as I unload

Into another cerebellum

Then I can tell em, because my vibes go through denim

And leather whatever, however, I'm still rockin”

After the prophetic soul latches on to the host, KRS-One, it manifests purpose with grassroot organization and motivational speaking. Being KRS-One founded the Stop the Violence Movement in 1988 and was solely responsible for mobilizing many of the most influential Hip Hoppers against Gang Violence and Culture he had plenty of knowledge to give on the topic.

“We used to pick cotton, now we pick up cotton when we shoppin'

Have you forgotten why we buildin' in a cypher

Yo hear me kid, government is building in a pyramid

The son of God is brighter than the son of man

The spirit is, check your dollar bill G, here it is

We got no time for fancy mathematics

Your mental frequency frequently pickin' up static

Makin' you a naked body, addict and it's democratic

They press auto, and you kill it with an automatic”

Too often credit for the creation and establishment of a culture or society is given to one person as opposed to being evenly distributed amongst the support structure. How many times have you been taught the legacy of all the men that signed the declaration of independence? It is likely that you’ve only been taught about Thomos Jefferson. Just like there would be no Fidel Castro without the parallel influences of Che Guevara and Camilo Ceinfuegos there would be no Hip-Hop without KRS ONE. Perhaps without his tenacity, passion, and will it would have been infiltrated and exploited before it reached its full maturity. If that would have happened America would not have its current number one export. In his prime most consumers who listened to his message and gazed upon his image said “OH NO!”  from fear of what they could not understand. Today, we look at his legacy of art and effort and cant help ,but smile and yell “AH YEAH!”.

“If hip hop has the power to corrupt young minds, it also has the ability to uplift them.” - KRS-One 

The musician is a natural master of vibration and emotion. Many musicians have been able to make us dance. Many have been able to draw on relatability because nobody is the only person like them in the world. Perhaps some have even made us cry or provided soundtracks for intimate moments. Only few musicians have taken on the task of socially and historically educating their listeners through their music. 

Even fewer have been able to combine the mastery of teaching with mastery of rhythm. Those who do this become legends like; Nate King Cole, B.B. King, Nina Simone, Bob Marley, Chaka Khan and Fela Kuti’ and their influence lives throughout generations. In 1995 Krs-One released a self-titled album that came in the sunset of his reign. His career would mirror the sepia filter of the album cover. 

This album had dominant auras of militancy and rebellion that Krs-One fans had not heard since Boogie Down Productions - Criminal Minded. Krs-One was able to both appease his day one fans and gain the younger generation of Hip Hoppers who were listening to artists such as: Nas, Redman,Das Efx, Tupac, and A Tribe Called Quest. The message and timing of this album may have been divine. Let us look at the historical events of the year(s) Krs-One was creating this album in. In 1994, the United States congress had successfully completed the first step of becoming fascist by Voting to Censure Dr. Khalid Muhammad, National Advisor of the Nation of Islam. Bill Clinton and Joe Biden led Democrats to pass the The Violent Crime Control and Law Enforcement Act and effectively fueled the prison industrial complex. South Africa held it first election since intergrating with the apartheid government and Invisble Man author Ralph Ellison had passed. Hip Hop was the soul vehicle of expression to protest the genocide that had been going on and KRS One was one of its leaders. The youth looked toward this leader to deliver an album reflective of their mindstate and he delivered. 

Imperative of a classic work of musical art, this album is composed of multiple great songs, but in my opinion the cornerstone song of the album is undeniably “Ah Yeah”. In this song he masterfully uses three 16 bar verses to empower and mobilize his listener much in the same way Dr. Khalid Muhammad did. This track starts with the establishment of an a capella warcry. He writes in response to western power’s having done such an incredible job destroying the rebel instinct that Afrikan people possess by publicly shaming our leaders and traditions. These lyrics are him trying to raise the psyche of a fallen warrior class and put revolt back in its holy place as opposed to the negative connotation that has been applied by the white power structure.  He essentially made a chant-like hook with an underlying message of “This is your enemy, This is how to handle him, and THIS is okay”. The aim focuses on  redirecting the accumulated anger of a traduced peoples that is often mistargeted toward self so that we may be collectively progresssive. 

He bellows:

“Ah yeah, that's whatcha say when you see a devil down

Ah yeah, that's whatcha say when you take the devil's crown

Ah yeah, stay alive all things will change around

Ah yeah, what? Ah yeah!”

Then comes the establishment of an eerie bass line. This song structure is familiar to fans of his earlier work. It was what they were longing for. For a few albums he took the perspective of being in the classroom or office as opposed to in the battlefield with his men. He had returned to fight with us like Haile Selassie. Immediately he establishes a dual level of respect. One with his men and one with his deterrent.  

“So here I go kickin' science in ninety-five

I be illin', parental discretion is advised still

Don't call me nigga, this MC goes for his

Call me God, cause that's what the black man is

Roamin' through the forest as the hardest lyrical artist

Black women you are not a bitch you're a Goddess

Let it be known, you can lean on KRS-One

Like a wall cause I'm hard, I represent God”

In the first 2 bars of the preceding excerption he lets us know he intends to drop some knowledge, but it will not be filtered for political correctness or comfortability. The following 2 bars he establishes both a tone of encounterment and identity. Then he goes on to explain from which direction he came much like Saint Maurice's appearance upon the plagued people of Europe to let them know he has navigated and he is no spook. He goes on to talk to his listener and the most important of them, the women.

In 1994, fresh off a press tour on which she gained popularity from criticizing Bill Clinton, Sister Souljah published her first book that was heralded by black scholars and youth alike entitled No Disrespect. Her Influence was cemented in the minds of black youth and played a huge role in raising generational consciousness by dealing with topics like “how the black woman is viewed by black men” and “the black woman’s role in repairing the black family structure”. She had solely been awarded leadership duties by a disregarded demographic in a scapegoated culture and was handling it with the grace of Misty Copeland.  Her and the women she raised to consciousness needed the camaraderie of Krs One. He goes on to sell to himself:

 “Wack MC's have one style: gun buck

But when you say, "Let's buck for revolution"

They shut the fuck up, can't get with it

Down to start a riot in a minute

You'll hear so many Bowe-Bowe-Bowe, you think I'm Riddick

While other MC's are talkin' bout up with hope down with dope

I'll have a devil in my infrared scope,”

In the first five bars he addresses the enemies of the oppressed people within the oppressed people. These “Wack MC’s” are the Uncle Toms’ and Judas of the rebellious, afro-centric movement that is Hip-Hop. He says they lack discipline and do not have the self awareness to rescue themselves. In comparison with himself who uses that energy toward an ultimate goal, Independence through revolution. In the succeeding excerption KRS briefly displays the cognitive processing and coping mechanism of a warrior:

“WOY

That's for calling my father a boy and, klak, klak, klak

That's for putting scars on my mother's back, BO

That's for calling my sister a ho, and for you

Buck, buck, buck  cause I don't give a motherfuck

Remember the whip, remember the chant

Remember the rope and

You black people still thinkin' about voting?

Every President we ever had lied!

You know, I'm kinda glad Nixon died.”

Throughout the preceding excerption KRS skillfully uses onomatopoeias to create a setting for his listener. There is a battle going on. Shells casings are falling to the ground and bullets are flying from high caliber weapons. He is in the thick of it and then an enemy approaches him. He musters the courage to engage with his assailant by remembering the suffrage the morals of his enemies’ elected nation-state has caused his ancestors. Then he rejoices in the death of one of their leaders, Richard Nixon.

In the second verse Krs-One addresses an age-old topic of discussion for spiritual people that was brought forth to the Afrikans of today by Noble Drew Ali, “The Prophetic Soul”. This belief dates back to ancient Buddhism in the caves of Asia taught to us by Dr. Ivan Van Sertima in his book “African Presence in Early Asia”. This belief entails that all the prophets of the world including but not limted to; Adam, Jesus, Buddha, Muhammad, and himself were the same soul being reborn until its mission is completed.” Krs-One puts himself and a couple others in this divine line of being. 

“This is not the first time I came to the planet

 concern every time I come, only a few could understand it

I came as Isis, my words they tried to ban it

I came as Moses, they couldn't follow my Commandments

I came as Solomon, to a people that was lost

I came as Jesus, but they nailed me to a cross

I came as Harriet Tubman, I put the truth to Sojourner

Other times, I had to come as Nat Turner

They tried to burn me, lynch me and starve me

So I had to come back as Marcus Garvey, Bob Marley

They tried to harm me, I used to be Malcolm X

Now I'm on the planet as the one called KRS

Kickin' the metaphysical, spiritual, tryin' to like

Get with you, showin' you, you are invincible

The Black Panther is the black answer for real

In my spiritual form, I turn into Bobby Seale

On the wheels of steel, my spirit flies away

And enters into Kwame Ture”

In the beginning of the third verse he briefly continues the theme of possessing The Prophetic Soul but now, he does not speak from a perspective of being the people who had the soul. He speaks from the perspective of the soul. This soul is traveling and looking for a host. In the first two bars he speaks of how he was able to travel without detection from the government’s surveillance. Then, he goes on to finally choose a host that is relevant to the demographic of people it intends to reach. This host is stylish and his image is relatable, so the people will be receptive of his message through familiarity. 

“In the streets there is no EQ, no di-do-di-do-di-do

So I grab the air and speak through the code

The devil cannot see through as I unload

Into another cerebellum

Then I can tell em, because my vibes go through denim

And leather whatever, however, I'm still rockin”

After the prophetic soul latches on to the host, KRS-One, it manifests purpose with grassroot organization and motivational speaking. Being KRS-One founded the Stop the Violence Movement in 1988 and was solely responsible for mobilizing many of the most influential Hip Hoppers against Gang Violence and Culture he had plenty of knowledge to give on the topic.

“We used to pick cotton, now we pick up cotton when we shoppin'

Have you forgotten why we buildin' in a cypher

Yo hear me kid, government is building in a pyramid

The son of God is brighter than the son of man

The spirit is, check your dollar bill G, here it is

We got no time for fancy mathematics

Your mental frequency frequently pickin' up static

Makin' you a naked body, addict and it's democratic

They press auto, and you kill it with an automatic”

Too often credit for the creation and establishment of a culture or society is given to one person as opposed to being evenly distributed amongst the support structure. How many times have you been taught the legacy of all the men that signed the declaration of independence? It is likely that you’ve only been taught about Thomos Jefferson. Just like there would be no Fidel Castro without the parallel influences of Che Guevara and Camilo Ceinfuegos there would be no Hip-Hop without KRS ONE. Perhaps without his tenacity, passion, and will it would have been infiltrated and exploited before it reached its full maturity. If that would have happened America would not have its current number one export. In his prime most consumers who listened to his message and gazed upon his image said “OH NO!”  from fear of what they could not understand. Today, we look at his legacy of art and effort and cant help ,but smile and yell “AH YEAH!”.