#Don't like Wyll? Keep it to yourself? Gale? Keep it to yourself. Lae'zel? Fucking Astarion? Please just be quiet.

[fallen-goldfishcracker]

"The Wyll haters are inescapable," an essay by me, ft this side conversation in Devora Wilde's bg3 stream:

What if you shut your mouth. What if.

[randoimago]

For bg3, could I request platonic Wyll, Astarion, Gale, and Lae'zel finding a Tav that's quietly breaking down from all the pressure of having to save and comfort people all the time. Like they want to help people, but it's becoming too much for them.

Fandom: Baldur's Gate 3

Character(s): Astarion, Gale, Lae'zel, Wyll

Note(s): They all need therapy after this, but idk if therapy exists in D&D so give them spa days and alcohol instead

Astarion

As someone that voices his complaints easily once he's become close enough to let you in on his secrets, he also knows when the feelings are being buried away. While he doesn't want to tell you what to do, he does pull you aside when you're back at camp to exchange supplies.

Saving people and being a hero has never been something for him, mostly because he never had someone to save him. Until you came around, that is. And he thanks you for that, but you need to stop putting so much on your shoulders. You want to save people? Well you won't be able to do that if you collapse.

You've been a good friend to him, so let him do the same to you. Take a fucking break. Break into that newspaper building and change the article to something ridiculous. Do something for yourself. Astarion is more than happy to introduce you to some of his more fun morally grey activities just to get everything off of your mind. He has dealt with the aftermath of being burnt out and wasting away because bottling your emotions becomes too much, he won't see the same happening to you.

Gale

Notices you looking tired and suggests a break. He'll always be happy to lend and ear and offer some words of wisdom. Mostly, let yourself rest. You're already doing a lot and you should find a nice book and lay down in your tent for a bit to destress.

While Gale is trying to have his morals in the right place, he also knows not everyone can or deserves to be saved. It's valiant of you to try and offer help to anyone you can, but he can see the toll it's taking on you mentally, emotionally, and physically. Honestly, Faerun is a big place, let some other adventurers lend their help, you deserve some wine.

It's a shame that Magnificent Mansion or Tiny Hut aren't spells you can get in game, but Gale would happily cast Magnificent Mansion for you to just have an impromptu spa day. It's what you deserve for being his greatest friend and for all that you do for others.

Lae'zel

She knows being a leader is hard and there are many challenges you must step up to. People will constantly seek your help and look to you for advice. She has seen it by many of her githyanki superiors and thought nothing of it. And then she finds you cracking.

Tells you that as a leader, you can't show your cracks or you'll be seen as vulnerable to enemy attacks. While at camp, rest as much as you need. She'll keep watch while you let out whatever emotions that you need to.

Will also remind you, that you're her leader. You don't lead all the people you come across on the road, you owe them nothing. Technically, you owe Lae'zel nothing as well, you have the freedom to choose what to do, morals be damned.

Wyll

He notices the cracks and he fully understands. Hell, he sold his soul to a devil because he was failing. You're allowed to break down. You're allowed to rest.

While Wyll, likes the idea of helping anyone in need, even he knows that it can be too much. A lot has happened to all of you in a very short span of time, he understands needing to rest.

He considers you a good friend and ally and if you'd allow him, he'd be glad to take the lead and let you rest. He can at least listen to those you come across and offer them comfort if you're too drained to do so.

Taglist:

@reo-the-leo @unhelpfulnpc

[thechaoticdruid]

So I've finished my first run through of the game and did the epilogue which was just so precious! But anyways, it made me think, how would the companions react upon announcing at the reunion you and your partner are expecting!

I actually don't do requests but I like this one. I haven't made it to the epilogue yet in game but I think I can still answer these. They might be short though so please forgive me! 😔

I also tried to keep the reader's sex and gender as ambiguous as possible, but some words are hard to convey in gender neutral terms. Also the reader's partner is not specified.

But if your partner is Astarion (like my Tav's) I feel like everyone would have a similar "Is that even possible!?" reaction, except maybe Gale cause he's well studied.

Shadowheart

If you're the pregnant one she remarks on how she thought you were getting fat.

Like girl has no chill.

But if you're the father I can see her teasing you about not being able to keep your hands to yourself around your partner.

Proceeds to gift you gothic style clothes for the little one when it's closer to the birth.

Wyll

He immediately congratulates you both and wishes you well on your new adventure in parenting.

Assures you that the two of you will make a beautiful baby.

Also he asks to touch the bump if the pregnant person is showing. 🥺

Buys toys for the baby before it's even born.

Karlach

Immediately screams "FUCK YEAH I'M GONNA BE AN AUNT!!!"

Runs around to tell everyone else and buys you both drinks to celebrate for the occasion.

Needs to be reminded that drinking is bad for the baby.

Will plant a big smooch on the baby bump if the pregnant person is showing.

Starts wearing a T-shirt that says "BEST FUCKIN AUNT EVER." Also gets a matching shirt for the little one.

Lae'zel

Unless she has Xan she isn't particularly interested. She'd probably still congratulate you in her own githyanki way I suppose if you're on good terms.

If she does have Xan she suggests they spar together some day. Though she is confident her son will be victorious.

This is probably her own way of having a play date for your children.

Gale

Congratulates you both and wishes the two of you the best.

Offers to teach the child magic when they become old enough to learn.

Buys you lots of parenting books and tries to help by reminding you lots of useful facts, but in the end he kinda just low-key starts to be a bit annoying.

He means well though.

Astarion

Of course he may already be well aware of the pregnant person's bun in the oven depending on how far along they are.

His vampiric senses alert him to the little heartbeat within, you see.

"Enjoy your last few months of freedom and sleep filled nights while you can, darlings!~"

"But really, I am rather happy for the two of you. Especially you, I didn't think you had it in you." He says condescendingly to the father of the child.

Honestly he's just a little bitter he's single and alone.

Pretends not to have any interest in touching the baby bump, says he has no interest in the little creature growing inside.

But if he has a good relationship with either of the two parents he will make the baby eccentric little outfits. Especially goes all out if it's a little girl. Purple and red ruffles all over.

Will get very offended if he doesn't see the baby wearing them.

He put his soul into those outfits godsdamnit!

[wheretheharekissesthefox]

Sweet Little Treats

The tadpoled adventurers meet Harleep, and it goes a little different than expected...

Warnings: graphic description of sex, M/M, F/F, M/F, switching, orgy, incubus sex magic, spell-bound, non-consensual sex, Depraved Carnal Lust, Gale's creaking knees

"Ah. The House of Hope, nestled amidst the Nine Hells. Fascinating," proclaimed Gale with his arms akimbo.

"Ugh, why's the decor in these places always so gaudy? It's hideous!?" complained Astarion.

"Gods, it's hot in here," groaned Shadowheart.

"We're in the Hells. What did you expect?" Lae'zel retorted dryly and the cleric glared at her.

"I hate it here," muttered Karlach. "Brings back shitty memories."

"I understand your feelings," Halsin spoke warmly. "I too couldn't bear the memories of what happened while we were in the Shadow-Cursed Lands."

"Heh, he said 'bear'", snickered Shadowheart.

"Focus on the important part," rebuked Lae'zel irritated.

"Easy now. There's no need for hostility between us," Wyll chimed in concerned. The githyanki shot him a look, crossing her arms.

"Rich coming from you. If my memory doesn't deceive me, I remember how you tried to kill Karlach without asking questions first because of your devil mistress."

"Exactly!" Shadowheart agreed haughtily.

"That's all water under the bridge now," beamed Karlach, putting an arm around Wyll and pulling him closer despite his yelp of protest. "We're all good now."

"Of course," replied Lae'zel sarcastically, rolling her eyes.

"Uhm, folks? I'm afraid we have company," Gale told them, pointing towards a spacious bed where an almost naked Raphael in BDSM gear was spread out like a buffet.

"Oh, hello, sweet things," he moaned while stroking his own chest. "Are you here to play?"

"What the fuck happened to you, mate?" Karlach asked, eloquent as ever.

"I'm Harleep, Raphael's personal incubus, and I think you little treats got lost."

"Having a sex slave who disguises themself as you, is rather... mentally ill," remarked Galin.

"I don't know, darling. I'd fuck myself if I could," noted Astarion. "I'd love to see this handsome face twisted in pleasure."

"Please, keep that to yourself," sighed Gale, tired of all the tadpoled idiots around him.

"There seems to be a lot to unpack," Halsin said. "Maybe, you'd like to talk about your insecurities later."

The vampire spawn huffed offended.

"I do not have any insecurities, druid! You're positively demented!"

"So, what you're saying is this bloke's a sex demon?" Karlach yelled concerned. "Oh, hells no! Fuck that shite! I'm going to split him in half!"

"Oh, please do, sweet thing," moaned Harleep, spreading his legs.

"What the fuck?" Karlach stared at the incubus with her axe raised, too puzzled to move.

"Hm, I kind of like him," mused Shadowheart with a dangerous glint in her eyes. "Those shapeshifting abilities can come in handy in the bedroom..."

"Oh, Gods," Wyll muttered under his breath, suppressing a gag.

"It seems like you have quite an exquisite taste regarding your mating preferences," Halsin noted. "That's quite... resourceful."

"Are we just going to ignore the literal incubus in the room?" Gale asked miffed.

"Shut up and put that mouth to better use," Astarion told him.

"Thank the Gods Jaheira's on camp-watching duty," muttered Wyll.

Harleep's melodic laughter silenced them.

"You're such wonderful little treats. Little mice walking right into the lion's den."

"Oh, man! Even you spew shitty poetry?" groused Karlach. "Can't villains just be normal for once?"

"They wouldn't be villains then," replied Astarion, dryly.

"The bantering. The dynamic. – The tension." Harleep's voice fell to a deep purr as he rolled onto his stomach, unfolding his wings while poking his bottom lip with a sharp fingernail. "What to do with my sweet little treats? There are so many options..."

"How about we talk this out?" suggested Gale. "I'm sure we could come to an agreement."

"Oh, you will 'come', little mouse," purred the incubus, and before the party knew what happened, Harleep had snapped his fingers. A pink mist filled the air in the boudoir, accompanied by the sweet heavy smell of roses and cherries.

"What -" Gale coughed. "What - kind of magic is -"

He couldn't finish the sentence as another cough rattled his lungs. When he could breathe again, he straightened up, frantically looking for any caused damage. Nothing out of the ordinary. Strange... Except for the fact that Astarion stood way too close and eyed him way too predatorily.

"You know you can't consume my blood," Gale reminded him. The vampire spawn bit his lower lip.

"I'm aware, but I might be able to consume other fluids."

"Uhm, what?"

And with that, Astarion pounced on the confused wizard, kissing him stupid before ripping his robes apart, dropping to his knees, and swallowing down Gale's cock. The later squeaked high-pitched and would have been embarrassed if his brain wouldn't have stopped working. Instead, Gale held onto Astarion's shoulders like a lifeline as his mouth dropped open on a loud, guttural moan.

What's going in on? the wizard thought while he watched hell break loose around him. It must be the incubus' magic. Something potent that can't be broken easily. With the right spell, I might -

His brain got scrambled when he reached his orgasm and spilled into Astarion's mouth. It died just a tad more when he felt the vampire spawn swallow his load with a moan. Then, the latter looked up at him with pleading eyes. Those red rubies clouded with lust and incubus magic.

"Gale, darling, please get me off," Astarion whined. "I can't take much more. I think I'm dying again."

For a moment, Gale fought against the brain fog, trying to think clearly. He took a look around and saw how Wyll was ploughing into Karlach and Lae'zel was eating out Shadowheart like it was a battle strategy while Halsin kissed the cleric's face with a hand around his own cock.

Well, they seemed occupied, Gale thought. And Elminster wasn't around either, so, he might as well...

Without further ado, the wizard dropped onto his creaking knees and pulled down Astarion's trousers, revealing a lovely pale cock.

Astarion was trembling, sweat beading along his temples and neck, and Gale marvelled about the vampire spawn's ability to produce sweat.

"Gale... please..."

Oh, his name sounded so sweet and like a prayer on Astarion's tongue. Gale couldn't help himself and kissed the pale elf who moaned into it. Then, the wizard had mercy and took Astarion's cock in his mouth.

Meanwhile, the others had switched positions and while Wyll was bent over Karlach's lap, Halsin ate him out enthusiastically, making the younger man squirm and moan. At the same time, Lae'zel was fucking Shadowheart with a strap-on.

Harleep observed his little treats that were helplessly under his spell with a satisfied grin. Giggling, he stuck out his tongue to taste their combined lust in the air, feasting on its energy. How considerate of his master to let him play with these sweet little treats.

Harleep watched amused how Shadowheart and Lae'zel switched positions and the cleric started fucking into the githyanki. Halsin took Wyll slowly and gently while Karlach fucked the druid from behind, fast and hard. Meanwhile, Astarion - who'd come down the wizard's throat - and Gale were kissing tenderly and rubbing up against each other.

It all was rather sweet, Harleep mused, surprised. Usually, his targets would fuck each other roughly until they'd bleed and die of exhaustion, but these sweet little treats seem to actually care about each other. Harleep hesitated, pursing his lips. These little treats were special, he realised. They were different, not only driven by lust but also love. He watched, almost wistfully, how his little playthings kissed each other over and over again, their touches desperate but also gentle and reverent. It deserved a reward. With a deep sigh, Harleep plucked the rest of their sexual energy from the air with his forked tongue before dispelling his enchantment.

Immediately, the party members came to their senses.

"Chk! I cannot believe I had your mouth on me!" Lae'zel sneered as she donned her armour quickly.

"You had yours on me first!" Shadowheart countered. "I was just being polite."

“It was polite,” agreed the githyanki, surprised about her own answer. She eyed the cleric suspiciously and noticed the slight blush on her cheeks.

"It was awesome!" beamed Karlach. "After a decade, my dry spell has finally ended!"

"I - I was deflowered. In the Hells. By a druid," muttered Wyll, pressing his hands against his head and rocking back and forth. "Where's the romance in that? The chivalry?"

"It was a pleasure to pleasure you. We did as Nature intended. If you're curious, don't be shy and ask for more. I'm always here for you," Halsin told him, smiling, and patted Wyll's shoulder who whimpered lowly.

"Get off me!"

Astarion shoved Gale aside and hastily got onto his feet, pulling up his trousers. Slightly hurt, the wizard followed suit.

"I deeply apologise for making you uncomfortable," he said earnestly. "Under different circumstances, I'd have never done anything without your explicit consent, especially considering your past. But we all were under an incubus' spell, alas, I had no control over my action. None of us had."

Astarion huffed, straightening his armour, and mumbled: "As if you'd ever touch me under different circumstances..."

"I would if you wished," Gale replied sheepishly, averting his gaze as the vampire spawn's eyes bored into him.

"Are you making fun of me, wizard?"

"No, I'm dead serious."

That stunned Astarion into silence, then, he walked over and pulled Gale into a surprisingly tender kiss.

"You idiot. I can't stand you one bit." The pale elf smiled at the wizard. "When we're back at camp, find me and ask me. I'll be waiting."

Dazed, Gale blinked at him dumbly before blushing.

"Noted," he answered, smiling bashfully.

"Oy, lovebirds! What about this one?" yelled Karlach pointing at Harleep.

"Nothing you can do about me, little mouse," snickered the incubus. "I'm done playing with you. You can go annoy my master now, toodeloo."

He wiggled his fingers at them and then sent them flying through the air, through the door, and firmly closed the boudoir. They were his master's problem now. He'd had his fun and it was boring to play with the same little treats twice. - Well, he might made an exception with these ones, but oh, well... With a yawn, Harleep sprawled out on the silk sheets as he closed his eyes to savour the taste of the sweet little treats' lust and love on his tongue. Oh, it was so very sweet.

[bhaalbaaby]

kinktober day 5 part 2

aftercare, overstimulation, and sadism/masochism; next with overstimulation!

gale loves pushing tav to their limits with his tongue, enjoying and ignoring their soft pleas, feeling them come undone under his mouth, and then keeps going as they writhe away, trying to put in space between him and his talented tongue only to be drawn back in when his hands lock their hips in place, bringing them on the brink of overstimulation. he does stop, mostly for a mouth break, but when he resumes, feeling tav around his cock, they can't handle it, becoming a whimpering and moaning mess. gale himself isn't a huge fan of being overstimulated, but the quickest way to get him there would be going down on him and nipple play.

wyll likes the idea of overstimulation for both parties, but he can't let his mind go there personally and is firm in his boundary. it's similar when he's the one doing. he doesn't want to push too far and if tav starts crying from the pleasure, he will stop.

lae'zel loves being overstimulated as it's a test for her endurance. she'll pant and writhe against tav, her body shivering like a leaf as she can barely keep her eyes open, but she'll only say keep going. she also likes pushing limits when it's her turn, loving using her hands and fingers while she watches tav struggle against the pleasure. she also likes to see how long they go before telling her to stop, making mental notes to see if she can make it last longer the next time.

shadowheart likes both sides of overstimulation, but she would rather be the one overstimulating. she likes to restrain tav so she can do whatever she wants to them and blindfold them so they can't watch, only feel. she'd use her hands at first, getting tav all twitchy before barely using her tongue only to highlight parts of their body, hitting all their sensitive areas. she'd use her mouth further when she sees tav getting overworked against their restraints. she gets very breathy and whimpering when it's her turn, begging for mercy as she squeezes her legs together to try to stop the pleasure. she also would try to keep it from being so obvious that she's overstimulated while her ruined makeup and blushed cheeks say otherwise.

karlach is easy to get overstimulated, but she blames it on her hiatus from sex. she gets very mouthy and twitchy when she's overstimulated and can even get to the point where she cries due to the pleasure with a lot of it's fine it's fine, don't stops while she wipes her face. when she's in charge, she will ride tav until they're begging, toes curled, fingers digging into her thighs.

astarion will only overstimulate tav if they tell him they're into it. he doesn't like to be overstimulated himself, but he does enjoy watch tav break down and subject themself to this intense treatment. his favorite way to get tav overstimulated is grinding himself deep inside of them, the fullness of his cock making tav squirm as he takes over their hole, his tongue making soft patterns on their neck before biting them if they allow him.

halsin also doesn't like to be overstimulated. he will attempt to overstimulate tav if they are into that, but similar to wyll, if tears get involved he will stop. he prefers taking breaks and not overworking yourself for pleasure.

minthara is similar to shadowheart in her ways of overstimulation, needing to restrain tav so she can do whatever she wants to them without much of a fuss. she likes keeping tav on their toes/standing too, pressing her ass back against them as she makes them fuck her, listening to their whines and pleas as she focuses on her own pleasure, especially when they're at their limit.

gortash prefers to overstimulate as it's a test for how much will tav take from him before making him stop. he loves when he hears and sees tav struggling against the contraptions he makes just for their torture.

ketheric is not into overstimulation as he doesn't like the way it makes him feel.

orin likes to overstimulate making her partner cry and scream one of her favorite things to do. she likes hearing them beg for her to give them a break and ignore it as they make messes on the temple grounds. she also likes to be overstimulated, but won't do it often. she loves being restrained being used for her partner's carnal pleasure.

[shenanigans-and-imagines]

Any thoughts you’d like to share on the other origins characters? Anything you like about them :)

Again, haven't played the game so these are my general thoughts based on a few romance compilations, YouTube Shorts, and memes. If anybody would like to rectify this, please Venmo me $500 so I can buy a PS5.

Shadowheart

Admittedly don't know that much about her other than the emos love her and she follows a goddess of loss. Looks like her arc is all about questioning institutions and her god, which I think is very sexy of her. If anybody has a quest line compilation video to recommend so I can see her whole story, please send it my way.

Lae'zel

The other origin character I admittedly don't know that much about. Still love an arc about questioning the system she was raised in and her god. Again, very sexy of her. Fish out of water stories are some of my favorites. Pair that with a hardened character learning to enjoy the gentler things in the world, and you've got yourself a banger. I should really look up her quest line at some point to get a full view of it.

Karlach

Best girl. Strong muscles, soft heart. I want her to be my best friend IRL. She deserves better and if there is any way to get a better ending that allows her to stay in Faerun, the studio needs to get on that ASAP. In the meantime, I'm going to stay in the part of the internet that says she's fine don't worry about it. I'm hugging her and there is nothing you can do about it.

Wyll

Sweet boy. A perfect boy who did nothing wrong ever. Yeah, yeah, sold his soul to a devil, but he had a good reason. Plus, he was seventeen. Nobody should let a seventeen year old make any decisions ever. I do need to find a good romance compilation. He needs more love. His friendship with Karlach is everything to me.

Gale

People really need to stop complaining about this man. I see too many being ragging on about how he's not over his ex and keeps bringing her up. "With you I forget my goddess?" That isn't him saying with you he forgets his ex, he's saying with you he forgets his god. How are we all not collectively swooning? And he's a nerd who will info dump about his passions? Sign me the fuck up. His comfy pjs and burnt out gifted kid swagger has bewitched me body and soul.

Astarion

Guys, you've seen my blog. I'm obsessed with him.

The moment I saw this asshole pop up on my dash, I knew I was going to love him. He was the reason I decided to finally look up a romance compilation once I realized my computer was too old to let me run the game. He's my type to the point of parody. Literally anybody who knows me, knows this guy would end up being my favorite.

His arc is about bodily autonomy and trauma. He's allowed to not be the perfect victim. He's angry and violent. He's selfish and terrified. And he is, sadly, one of the few characters who, as part of his arc, realizes he can say no to sex and he can be loved without it.

My point is, it should be no surprise to anybody that the ace community loves this man, and anybody complaining about it should shut up.

If you want to write your sexy Astarion fanfic, there is nothing stopping you. More power to you. I've seen the graveyard scene too. I recognize that regaining his autonomy and being able to have sex with somebody he cares about is part of the healing process.

At the same time, if writers want to interpret his arc is him realizing he never wants to have sex again, and that being okay; let them. We need this. There are so few characters like him out there.

At some point I do want to write an hour long video essay about his arc and how it's resonated with the ace community specifically.

Anyway, those are my general thoughts. I feel like I just swung a bat at a hornet's nest with that last bit, but what's life without a little danger?

[findingtarshish]

Saw this from @ineed-to-sleep and considered myself tagged as directed!!

Tagging @jasina85 and @blighted-elf!

And anyone who wants to do this, pls consider yourself tagged and feel free to tag me so I can see your oc!

Name: Helona Thune (Later Helona Dekarios)

Nickname(s): She sometimes goes by 'Hel', but in general, she prefers to go by her name. Back in Menzoberranzan, her older sister used to call her 'Lona', and no one is allowed to do that but her.

Pronouns: She/her

Star sign: No clue I don't astrology sorry ;-;

Height: 5'6"

Orientation: Bisexual, with a slight preference for women.

Race: Seldarine/Surface Drow (Formerly Lolth-Sworn Drow)

Romancing: Gale! Helona did not expect to fall for him but his rizzardly ways seduced her. At the end of the game, the two of them were married, and now live in Waterdeep together, with Gale as a professor at Blackstaff Academy and Helona having purchased her way into minor nobility. However, Helona was seeming so magnetically attractive that every single character except Karlach propositioned her. They received differing results; Shadowheart and Wyll were let down gently and Lae'zel was let down firmly but respectfully, while Mizora received a hammer blow to the stomach and Haarlep received received several to the head. Helona was previously married to Akorlin, a wealthy Yochlol arcanist in Menzoberranzan. Her family basically sold her to the demon, and their marriage was sealed by contract. However, said contract granted Helona her warlock powers, and eventually she managed to escape the city, and her wife's excruciating arcane experiments.

Favorite fruit: All of them! Growing up, Helona was too poor to afford a luxury like fruit, and even when she was married to Akorlin, she was usually fed gruel rather than the luxurious food her wife enjoyed. Now, the panoply of flavors she can find on the surface delights and enchants her.

Favorite season: Helona loves the winter. Curling up by the fire with friends and family and a good book and possibly a cat tressym is heaven to her.

Favorite flower: Sussar! She deeply loves Sussar flowers, and keeps the ones she collected in the Underdark by her bed, protected from the Sun (except for the one she gifted to Balthazar, which she lost in the Shadowfell). Not only are they beautiful, but they interfere with her patron's magic, meaning Akorlin can't see her when she's near them, and can't influence her dreams. They've always granted her a feeling of peace and safety as a result.

Favorite scent: She's somewhat indifferent to scents, except for, as the above would imply, the honey-sweet smell of Sussar blossoms, and the smell of Yochlol slime, which she loathes for obvious reasons.

Coffee, tea or hot chocolate: Tea, usually an Underdark blend. Pointedly, it's always the cheap stuff she grew up with, or a foraged, homemade version thereof, so Minthara is always gifting her better quality tea blends and begging her to please develop some fucking taste.

Average sleep hours: Helona actually prefers to sleep, rather than trancing. The extra 4 hours of rest are a luxury she is more than a little protective of. Astarion and Minthara never understood her insistence on not trancing, but Halsin supported her "taking the natural approach to things," a statement that earned him a hug.

Dogs or cats: Cats! Helona loves a good doggo but cats are usually better conversationalists. And, of course, Tara is a factor.

Dream trip: Helona's dream trip isn't a vacation, it's a war campaign. She hopes to someday accompany Minthara and her ressistance fighters to Menzoberranzan to rescue her family, and bring them to the surface. As much as she resents her mother and father for selling her to Akorlin, she is regrettably far to forgiving, and still wants to help them, to say nothing of her brothers and sisters who still languish in the Braeryn. Minthara correctly says they should leave her parents there, that they deserve nothing from her, but Helona is stubborn, and will try to save them regardless.

Amount of blankets: SO MANY. Helona is very covetous of the covers and will pile up pillows and blankets around her. Gale has learned to poke piles of blankets he finds before picking them up or lounging on them, because odds are they contain his wife.

Random fact(s):

Her tattoo was inscribed by Akorlin as part of an experiment to enhance the demon's shapeshifting powers and enable her to take on more additional forms. It glows slightly whenever Akorlin shapeshifts, accompanied by a brief but sharp pain as her patron syphons some of her mortal life essence. She, Shadowheart, and Gale bonded over their chronic pain early on, though Gale always felt a little guilty that while Helona did so much to help sate the orb, there was nothing he could do to help her.

By the end of the game, her treasure hoard was worth the equivalent of ~33.1 million US dollars, based on the value and weight of gold ingots. As a beggar in the Braeryn, she got by by stealing and cheating and selling anything that wasn't nailed down, so when presented with a battlefield full of fresh corpses and saleable weapons and armor, she always gathered and sold everything. Even with such a hoard, she still gets twitchy fingers in the presence of unattended silverware. Old habits die hard, and they die expensively.

She broke her oath exactly once, in order to save the vampire spawn. She and the Oathbreaker knight did not get along.

She killed the Emperor in less than a single turn, then proceeded to solo his dragon. Even Aylin looked at that and said "Hey what the fuck"

[maegalkarven]

An interlude. What now?

Happens between Empty Prayers and Dreams of Red.

Nemo tries to be serious and Think of the Future. It backfires.

Characters: Dark Urge (Nemo), Enver Gortash, Astarion, Karlach, Wyll, Shadowheart, Gale, Lae'zel.

TW: mentions of cannibalism, questionable way to raise children (Nemo wtf), canon-typical Durge behavior.

Info about Nemo's assassins:

https://www.tumblr.com/maegalkarven/732101148639707136/so-i-actually-created-most-of-the-notable?source=share

"You do realize we all are doomed, right?" The question comes out of nowhere amidst of one of the calmest nights they have. It breaks the feeble illusion of peace right away.

"Now, you don't have to put it like that," Gale tries. "We still have some choices-"

"Blowing yourself up is not a choice," Wyll cuts out, uncharacteristically sour.

"But-"

"No, Gale," Shadowheart agrees. "No more stupid self-sacrifices for the gods who do not deserve that. Besides, you remember what Gortash said? What if you have done as Mystra wanted you to and detonated the orb in the illithid colony, it would turn every parasite-infested person into mindflayer?"

"I'm not sure how much we can trust a word of the former Chosen of Bane."

"Fair," the former Chosen of Shar agrees. "I wouldn't trust him either. But something tells me this time he was telling the truth."

"He also sits just across you, if your memory is that fragile," Gortash comments. "And thank you, not like I was thinking of impending doom and our deaths for every hour of every day now."

"Not like you kickstarted this whole event," Karlach comments.

"And what would you have me to do, let Orin kill Nemo?"

"Well, you could have not tried to conquer the world using the extremely dangerous magical artifact and, you know, the Elder Brain."

"You keep saying that, but I have yet to hear a single idea how to fix it and for us, you know, not die drastically and like fools."

"Everyone always dies like a fool," Astarion comments. "Death is dumb like that."

"If you'd only let me finish," Nemo raises his voice. "And stopped this 'woe are us, we are doomed' crying-"

"We are listening," Wyll tries. "Oh, well, at least I am trying to."

Nemo sends him a grateful look.

"Alright, let's start it anew, you literal bickering children-"

"Hey-"

"Gortash started it-"

"Oh, fuck off-"

"Quiet," and surprisingly, they all quiet down. This is who Nemo is forced to work with these days. Unbelievable.

"We are screwed. This is not me being overly dramatic, this is not me being pessimistic, this is the actual truth we're dealing with. The Elder brain has one stone and if it wasn't breaking out of the hold before - which he was, very much - it's clearly out of it now. Now, the questions why it hasn't turned everyone into mindflayers and why it's playing laying low for now is a mystery, but-“

"It's luring us back to it," Astarion comments. "What? Can't we offer our thoughts too? I didn't know it's One Man show you're having here."

"You have no idea how many people have been stabbed over interrupting him mid speech," Gortash comments. "Me included."

"Oh yeah, well, maybe try to not talk over me, asho-"

"I wasn't talking over you-"

"Just like you aren't doing it now?" Nemo glares at him. "You're lucky I need you alive."

"Thank you oh so kindly, the gracious one-"

"Tsk'va," Lae'zel interrupts the quarrel. "You two desire to tear into each other’s flesh so much it makes you stupid. Go get the urges out of the system and come back when you're capable of being rational."

This comment, made with intention of calming things down, has rather the opposite effect.

"You're the one to talk," Nemo hisses as his face reddens.

"I do not ‘desire to tear into his flesh’," Gortash argues.

Astarion laughs.

"Yes, and I am not a vampire spawn."

"Can we not fight?" Wyll, an unfortunate voice of reason amidst this chaos.

"Oh, I don't know," Gale smirks. "I rather find it amusing to watch."

"You know what?" Nemo snaps. "Go on, detonate this orb. I'm done with it."

"Now I'm not going to, purposely because you asked me so nicely."

"I fucking hate this family."

"Karlach, you already said that."

"It doesn't mean I hate it any less."

"I miss my children," Nemo suddenly chimes in. "They listened to me."

"Your who?"

"Oh, please," Gortash snorts. "I once saw one of your children stab her brother over something minor."

"It was their brother and it was nothing minor. He took their target, that's just rude."

"I'm sorry," Gale tries. "Can we backtrack now? What children are you talking about now?"

Nemo blinks at them.

"Oh," he exclaims. "My assassins, of course, the ones I personally brought into the fold."

"And the reason you address them as children is because..?"

"They were orphans Nemo picked up from the streets," Gortash mentions. "At least that's what I was told."

"Excuse me, what?" Karlach, indignation flaring with her fire. "You stole children?"

"First of all, it's kidnapped and not stole. Second of all, they came willingly," Nemo scoffs. "And really, do you think they had any other choice? Do you think any good life was waiting for them? I saved their lives."

"You've abducted children into the cult and made them killers," Wyll speaks. "Nemo, this is-"

"Wrong?" He interrupts. "How wrong can it truly be? They would die without me, or better yet, get killed. Do you think there's mercy for a girl who took a life of her stepfather? Whose mother blamed her for the murder even if said stepfather was in dire need of killing?" He pierces Wyll with a sharp stare.

"Do you think Flaming Fists would save a little tiefling boy with too much magic in his blood? Do you think they'd get to the mad crowd in time and protect the boy from it? Do you think they'd even care?  A tiefling child, an evil child, a hellspawn. No one would miss him, no one would cry for him. And," he smiles and this smile looks poisonous.

"Do you think your honorable father would spare a child whose survival was linked to the deal with the fiend? Do you think he, who exiled his own son, would look at destruction of the House Et'rris, at the only surviving its member, linked to a devil, and help them? Save them?" His voice drops to a low tone.

"How dare you judge me? You were not there to save these children, I was. What did I do but gave them a second chance? What did I do but gave them home? Where else would they go? Who else would feed starving orphans on the streets, Duke Ravengard?" He laughs an ugly, bitter laugh.

"The Council of Four? Don't be ridiculous, they never even looked down to see the low folk struggling. Those children, all those children would die if not for me. From the so-called justice, from an angry mob, from prison, from starvation. I found them, fed them, cared for them. I made them best of the best, the perfect murderers, the perfect shadows of the night. And who can hurt them now, when they're the worst things haunting Baldur's Gate? Who would dare to strike at them but their own? I made them strong."

The stunned, eerie silence falls over the camp.

Then Karlach raises her voice.

"What did you feed them with?"

"This is irrelevant."

"No, it's not."

"It was a good meat: not rotten, not touched by any diseases, I even cooked it-"

"I fed children the human flesh?!" Gale asks in horror.

"Of course you'd assume it was human," Nemo scoffs. "It was elven too, you know. Some dwarf meat, even halfling or tiefling there and there-"

"You did what?!"

"It was that or starving on the streets! And anyway, I was fed humanoid flesh my entire life and I turned out alright-"

Astarion scoots a little closer to Gortash.

"He did not turn out alright," the pale elf whispers, watching the argument rising to new, dangerous heights. "And you knew that, didn't you?"

"What Nemo eats flesh?" Gortash hums. "It wasn't a big secret."

"And what he feeds his...children the same?"

"It's a Cult of Murder," the man shrugs. "One expects some level of atrocities from it."

"That's not the answer."

"That's the one you'll get," Astarion watches Gortash watching Nemo, a small satisfies smile dancing on his lips. "I don't particularly care what he feeds his assassins, only what all of them seem to care very little for table manners."

"So I'm guessing you've met them?"

"Yes."

"...What are they like?"

"Why don't you ask their benefactor that and not the man who saw them once or twice?"

"Because their benefactor is currently in a screaming match with our companions," Astarion's shrugs. "Though he seems to be holding his ground just alright."

Gortash snorts.

"He used to lead fifty or so bloodthirsty murderers and made it look easy," another long, heavy look at Nemo. "He is good at handling people. Bhaal convinced Nemo the best thing a bhaalshapwn can be is a perfect blade, which is a shame, really. Nemo would do wonders in high court; he has enough charisma and intelligence to wrap the nobles around his fingers without them so much as noticing it.”

"It sounds like you admire him," Astarion comments, trying very hard not to feel slighted at that. Of course tyrant admires his nearest in dearest, it was to be expected. And anyway, doesn’t Nemo deserve to be admired?

But why does it sit so ill against his skin?

"Of course I admire him," the tyrant replies, not even looking away from the assassin. "He is brilliant. His part in our plans is not to be overlooked; everything came falling apart the moment Orin replaced him. Bhaal might have been content with a mad woman who could not control her urges, but our plan could not. She made a mess of things, ruined several of carefully constructed plans and hadn't even noticed. The amount of people I had to tadpole simply because Orin was acting unwise is-" he sighs. "Where Nemo would just waltz into the room, smile and bullshit his way through everything, Orin made things worse."

Astarion hums.

"I once saw Nemo convince an orthon to kill his minions, then his pet, then himself," he mentions. "So I can easily see him doing that."

"An orthon?" Gortash looks surprised. "Where in the Nine Hells did you find an orthon?"

"In a Gauntlet of Shar," Astarion shrugs. "He made an ill-fitted deal with Raphael and tried to get out of it. Nemo tricked him into false getaway."

Three's a long silence after that.

"Raphael," Gortash speaks slowly, as if tasting the words. "It's been a while since I've heard that name. How did you stumble into him?"

"More like he stumbled into us. He appeared from the thin air, laid heavy on those sweet talks of his and tried to talk Nemo into a deal. Probably still trying, all things considered. I am not sure what exactly he wants from Nemo, but he is insistent."

Gortash grows silent once more.

"I would advise against strikingly any deals with that particular devil," he comments after a pause. "Deals with him are even fouler than the deal with the devil would be expected to be. Raphael is clever; he is patient and knows how to play the game. Worst of all, he is at advantage of knowing Nemo while Nemo does not know him, and in the position where he is holding a grudge against the dear assassin of mine."

Astarion bites down the bitter taste of the way Gortash claims Nemo as his.

This can wait. His questions would not.

"Why would he hold a grudge against Nemo?"

Gortash actually laughs, a short lived and curt sound, but laugh none less.

"Because Nemo has done something Raphael failed to do. Raphael has been lusting after the Crown of Karsus for millennia, but was never able to relieve it from Mephistopheles' vault. Together Nemo and I successfully orchestrated and executed the plan what brought the crown into our hands."

So this is what Raphael wants.

"He is after the crown," Astarion comment. "And he thinks Nemo will be able to get it for him."

Gortash nods.

"And I can't express enough how this is absolutely a thing what cannot happen. Raphael is bad enough without a otherworldly power what is the Crown of Karsus in his claws."

"So," Astarion studies the man closely. "Better the crown in your hands then?"

Gortash smiles.

"Providing what we can get it off Elder Brain first and live," he comments. "But yes."

[argetcross]

BG3 Ending Spoilers

I don't know who's made it to the end, so putting all my thoughts and feelings under a cut to be safe:

So guess who was a noble idiot, sacrificed themselves to become a mindflayer, and then subsequently got left behind by half of their friends???

THIS BITCHHHHHHH

It's like, when the Emperor is telling you to ascend and pushing you to do so, Keres was like no no, hell no, I'm keeping my autonomy.

But the moment you fail to dominate the Elder Brain, completely and utterly, and then be told you have to betray Lae'zel and the Githyanki by letting the Emperor consume Orpheus? I feel like the bad decision spiral just went deeper at that point. Saying no to the Emperor and then being called out by Orpheus (for not letting myself be killed by his honor guard) made me desperate to prove I wasn't doing the wrong thing......

Which led to taking on the mindflayer transformation.

Which fucking sucked. Orpheus was fully my friend at that point, but everyone else was confused and put-off. The allies gathered to fight and make the last stand didn't know what to make of me. Astarion was immediately pretty taken aback (which hurt quite a bit, considering the "forced to become a monster" parallels are quite something).

There's also the element of watching all the red dragons descend on the capitol that feels... really bitter sweet, playing as a Red Draconic Sorcerer. Seeing what you once were a part of, a descendant of the creatures, fighting and protecting the city against an enemy you now look like.

So that was all pretty shitty.

But I committed. It was the noble thing to do, to take on the burdens of everyone and not make anyone do what I wouldn't, and we defeated the Netherbrain.

And then the ending.

There's a choice of what to do, now that you're a mindflayer. And you want to live. (But I gotta say, choosing to die felt somewhat cathartic, especially after what happens next. At least it feels like a noble heroic sacrifice instead of being left alone. Shame only Gale tries to stop you from killing yourself. Not a single other word, guys??)

But obviously I wanted to see how things played out so I kept going.

I don't know what I was expecting with Lae'zel, but it was gut-wrenching to watch her go. Even asking her to stay, she's like, I can't. You are ghaik now no matter how noble you are. And there was a look she gave when climbing up a dragon, where, just for a moment, it felt like we were remembering the journey and battles we fought together, but that connection cooled and fizzled away.

Okay, so we lost one of our friends, but that's okay, I hope? Wait no, Karlach is burning up now, shit.

All her lines, her holding onto this friend who is now this sad little squid, made me cry real tears. So Wyll jumping in and volunteering to go to Avernus, Wyll who just escaped Mizora's influence and who has no more powers as a Warlock and my heart just gave up.

In that moment, I saw the option to go to Avernus with her and I picked it without hesitation.

And that was actually a kind of good ending! Better to be an illithid in hell with your friends than an illithid in Baldur's Gate without friends and generally being disliked. Also I bet imps have brains. Shouldn't be too hard to stay fed.

So it was all good until, I was like wait. Shit. I forgot my boyfriend. Going to hell with Karlach and Wyll means leaving Astarion behind. There was no ending card, I have no idea what happened to him, that's no good. So I had to reload. Was there an option to bring him along? I doubted it (nor do I think he'd want to), but I wanted to know what happened to him considering the last scene I got with him was him running sad from the sun.

...And then it bugged out on me.

which is. Fine. Hearing his voice in a darkened room as he gently let me down was Fine. I wasn't thinking wistfully back to being in hell with my friends, nope, siree.

Like I get it. It's mature of him to not rush into a romance with a mind flayer when he's clearly uncomfortable. And it's very very sweet the friendship lines. I feel like the entire playthrough, we were just edging our way between sexless romance and QueerPlatonic Partners. So in some ways, it's fucking hilarious. In the last possible moment, friendship proves it is indeed, magic.

BUT MAN OH MAN DID IT KIND OF STING. I think moreso because everyone was gone. Karlach and Wyll were in the Hells. Lae'zel has gone to the Astral Plane. Shadowheart is probably off with her parents. Gale is. Not around. Probably off to talk to Mystra.

And poor squiddy Keres who sacrificed her body and all chances of a normal life is stuck in hiding in Baldur's Gate. At least she and Astarion are hiding in the sewers together I GUESS. Like it just seems kind of lonely. Maybe they'll become the best of buds again, but honestly Astarion probably will want to stretch his wings and do other things.

So, the ending choices for becoming a squidkid is really:

a) Go to Superhell with your best buds and leave your boyfriend alone in Baldur's Gate with no friends.

b) Stay with your boyfriend who dumps you because he's not into tentacle porn, he becomes your immortal friend for life, and you both run a very successful mortuary/Guild business.

Oh, the choices in an RPG. 😔

(Larian, please fix the epilogue, I want to replay the endgame so badly. Free me from squidkid super hell.)

[avvidstarion]

Hiiii this wasn’t on the ask meme but does Avvid have any special in-combat dialogue for when a party member goes down in battle? Is it the standard ‘Astarion, no!’ Or is there more to it? :3

ohohohohoh i love this! I included what avvid would say when others go down, and what the others would say when avvid goes down!

Avvid's reaction when others go down:

Generic/mid approval: No! your bones are not yet mine to command!

Astarion: NO! Get away from him! Hold on, my love, I'm coming!

Karlach: I won't let you die! Not now, not ever!

Lae'zel: Get up, my sister! You're far too skilled to die like this!

Shadowheart: No! Shadowheart! You deserve a better end than this, don't give up now!

Wyll: Wyll, my friend, hold on! Now it's my turn to save you!

Gale: Gale, no! I told you, I won't let you die!

Halsin: Halsin??? Halsin, get up! Please!

Jaheira: Come on, old lady, you still have some fight left in you! Get up!

Others' reactions when Avvid goes down:

Astarion: Damn you, Avvid, you can't keep doing this to me! Shadowheart, do something!!!!

Shadowheart: Astarion, stop screaming, you're distracting me! Avvid, please get up this time...

Karlach: Fuck, Av, not again!

Lae'zel: Av'vid! You call yourself a gith? Rise!

Gale: *deep sigh* I need to teach you some warding spells, my friend...

Wyll: Avvid, look out!...oh, dear. I will not let you fall again, my friend.

Jeheira: You have more mettle than that, little cub! Do not give up now!

Halsin: Hold on, Avvid, help is on the way! I won't let this happen again!

I haven't met minsc yet and idk much about minthara so they aren't included for now

[crossdressingdeath]

Karlach: What's [Gale] going to do? Kyvir: I'm not sure. I think he's of several minds. Karlach: Well, tell him to pick the right one. Better yet, I'll do it. Fucking wizards, man! They always need help picking the simple, obvious option. Karlach: If Mystra can't think of another way to stop the Absolute than sacrificing Gale, she's no god worth worshipping. I'll say that to Gale - in, you know, gentle terms.

Astarion: I can't believe Mystra's demanding Gale sacrifice himself to destroy the Absolute. Astarion: It's just a waste of a perfectly good cult that we could be controlling. Astarion: And a waste of a perfectly good Gale, I suppose.

Wyll: I don't know what drives a man to consider his own death, among countless others, to be an appropriate exchange for his goddess' forgiveness. Wyll: To me, it all sounds like nonsense. Wyll: The faith that matters is that which you hold in yourself, in the ones that most matter to you. Wyll: Big bomb be damned, Gale's got everything he needs to defeat the Absolute already: Talent, nerve, and powerful allies at his side. Wyll: I hope he'll come to see that.

Shadowheart: I can't believe Mystra actually expects Gale to just sacrifice himself like that. Seems like a waste of a fine mind.

Lae'zel: Near as I can tell, Mystra demands Gale's faith - but holds no faith in him. Lae'zel: Why else would she demand Gale sacrifice himself and perhaps so many others? Lae'zel: Does she not think he can destroy the Absolute with his own immense talents? Does she not know the mighty company that he keeps? Lae'zel: Demanding Vlaakith may be, but she acts for the good of the githyanki people. Mystra is concerned only for herself. Lae'zel: Bah - perhaps he'd find forgiveness in a fiery death. But I can't help but wonder why he'd want it at all.

Good to know that we're all on the same page regarding Gale's suicide mission. Even if some of them have interesting reasoning (Astarion, we don't need a cult), I love that the whole party is immediately on the "fuck Mystra in particular, that's our badass wizard and we are not letting him blow himself up for some stupid goddess who clearly doesn't understand what an amazing guy he is and for sure doesn't deserve him" train.

Alright, gang, next question: who's up for a bit of light deicide?

[sunnyinlogan]

Soundbites Mega List

Baldur's Gate 3

!darkurge - "I must resist the dark urge lest it consume my mind."

!dirtythoughts - Astarion. "The norm is to keep dirty thoughts like that to ourselves, but do carry on."

!more - Wyll. "More of those wretched things."

!nofear - Wyll. "Battle favours the fearless!"

!senses - Lae'zel. "Has the tadpole ravaged your senses?"

!strangehole - Shadowheart. "You cant just stick your hand in every strange hole you come across."

!taste - Gale "Mm, I applaud your taste." requested by samadkhan777

!touchnothing - Lae'zel. "Istik! Back! Touch nothing without knowing its purpose!"

!yahoohello - Wyll. "Yahooo~ Hello?" He says this if you blow the horn for Lump the Enlightened and they don't come :(

!wtf - Karlach. "Oh gods, what the fuck have I stumbled into?"

Hollow Knight

!bapanada - "Sigh~ Bapanada" Iselda's best quote.

!bruva - Adding to my collection of ways to say "brother!"

!sha - Hornet is best bug.

Horizon Zero Dawn

!aloyvsflatearthers - "Why would I think that? During eclipses the shadow cast on the moon is curved. So our world is a globe."

!door - "Get me through this door!"

!easy - "See? Easy."

!shewentthatway - "Eh, she went that a-way."

!staydown - Perish yer bloody scrappers.

God of War

!bebetter - Daddy Kratos imparting life advice.

!bloodyhellbrother - Mimir is aghast.

!brother - Mimir says this minimum 140 times in God of War: Ragnarök .

!brutha - now say it with more urgency!

!dontforget - your evil, legendary sword hilt, brother". My favourite quote GOW:R. If you think I'm forgetting something, please use it!

!mimirsleep - "You do intend to get some sleep tonight, yeah?"

!strikebrother - 10/10 delivery. Mimir really did not like Heimdall.

!youreonfire - You can thank Lumin_AU for ensuring I will never forget Mimir. There's a separate !itwillpass command to go with it.

Portal

!burningpeople - He says what we're all thinking!"

!gladosdead - "You may as well get acclimated to the being dead position."

!sailingthroughtheair - "Look at you, sailing through the air. Like an eagle piloting a blimp."

Sonic the Memehog

!dosin - "I'm here to convince you to do sin!" from the Snapscube Shadow fandub.

!imhere - announce yourself with a banger from Sonic Frontiers.

!psychicattack - from Snapscube Shadow fan-dub

!strangeisntit - from the Sonic OVA.

Random Internet Things

!emotionaldamage - Steven He dropping new terms into my vocab.

!horse - TFS Goku giving encouragement

!itsfuckingraw - Gordon Ramsey is not happy

!mmgirl - let me get some of those fkn oats." FilmCow, OMG Cracklin Oat Bran.

!spacemexico - "If this [bleep] goes any further south we're going to hit space Mexico" TFS Freeza.

!shiasurprise - He isn't dead!?

!herecomestheboy - he is here~ from user shar on YT, from june-banoon's original ticky-tock.

!whyareyourunning - Pretty Little Liars.

Animation

!buygold - Corn chip life advice from Gravity Falls.

!compliment - "Every time you compliment me, I get another highlight in my eyes!" Gravity Falls.

!firenation - "Then, everything changed when the fire nation attacked." A:TLA

!homieshelphomies - Adventure Time. Finn being best boi.

!howdoyoudo - Steven Universe. Pearl greeting their Um Greg Universe.

!ifithinkaboutit - too much, I get all soul searchy, and weird". Adventure Time.

!imtough - my whole body is a callus!" Adventure Time

!monster - "You're an irredeemable monster!" from Puss in Boots Last Wish

!secrettunnel - "SECRET TUNNEL~" A:TLA

!takethatdepression - Lucifer from Hazbin Hotel scoring a win.

!youboob - Skeletor knows who the fool is. He-Man!

Community Requests

!tothebar - RDR2. samadkhan777

!daohello - Sandal from DA:O greeting. Lumin_AU

!cottoneyejoe - "Where did you come from, where did you go?" RedNex request by Lumin_AU

Movies and TV

!clevergirl - Jurassic Park. Preferred use is when you notice smart enemies or AI.

!icanfixthat - Sam from Holes can fix that.

!idontlikesand - it's course and rough and irritating…" Star Wars Prequels.

!noteventheyounglings - indeed, they did not survive. Star Wars Prequels.

!notthebees - Nic Cage does not like the bees. Wickerman.

!youcandoit - Rob Schneider offering encouragement.

!sparednoexpense - Jurassic Park.

!spiderman - We need pictures! Weirdly had to grab this off a Simpsons episode.

Song Snippets

!bloodblood - "Gallons of the stuff!" My Chemical Romance.

!donttouchthat - Robbie Rotten says so.

!hycybh - "Have you checked your butthole!" by Tom Cardy

!lootthatbody - from Perception Check by Tom Cardy

!sleeping - "Sleeping makes me ~feel good~." Neil Cicierega remix of Ghostbusters theme by Ray Parker Jr.

!tnt - it's dynamite. ACDC.

!yousuck - from Not Allowed by TV Girl.

Sunny Only

!echo - Michelangelo being an annoying lil bro in Rise of the TMNT.

!lemons - the entire Lemons rant from Portal 2.

!naturesslowestbird - a gif command. Brennan Lee Mulligan mulling over owls being used for letters.

!previously - on Dragon Ball Z~" Makes my spine tingle!

!whereismyson - from A Day in the Park by Brandon Rogers. I made it specifically for my love of BOY in GOW:R.

[mrcrowblargs]

Did a guys' night out for the end of act 2 -- first time ever taking Wyll out of camp and I was REALLY tempted to spec him as a fighter since my party has always been Tav (bard) - Astarion (Rogue) - Gale/Shadowheart (both Clerics) - Karlach/Lae'zel and well... I wasn't sure if Bladelock would keep up because it's underwhelming in traditional D&D. But I like what Larian did with the pact boon. Just putting the main draw of hexblade right into it and making Extra Attack included.

rest of rambling under a cut for end of act 2 spoilers!

When I scouted around Moonrise earlier I noticed these rafters and was immediately like OH it's Shattered Sanctum all over again lmao -- to kill the goblin leaders I basically had Astarion sneak all about the rafters and snipe from where he was hidden above. Didn't QUITE work the same at Moonrise because they had archers already up there but was still effective.

Also Wyll uh... got his ass handed to him. a lot lmao. I don't think I've had anyone get downed so often. But he had the moon lance from Aylin and hit hard with it!

Ketheric kinda... surprised me? The first battle with him was TOUGH dude could fucking smite the shit outta my guys. and then WOAH THE MINDFLAYER COLONY??? HELLO???? I was screaming the entire time

I was very keen to tie up quest lines before going to find the Nightsong but there was nothing on Zevlor so I kinda just, hoped he would show up in the VIP Prisoner Suite where the senator guy supposedly was and yup, there was the guy's tail sticking out of his pod lol. Was glad to make it out of that fight with everyone alive.

yeah sure connect yourself to the weird neural apparatus surely nothing will go wrong there.

And then of course encountering Ketheric with the other two chosen of the death gods... man I actually felt really bad for Gale since like. I had accidentally romanced him and recently dumped him to be with Astarion, but then when talking Gale down from activating the Nether Orb he was like "No, I don't want to kill you" and aauuhhh that got me tearing up a bit. Like despite the hurt the dude still cares.

The Persuasion roll to to apparently talk Ketheric out of a rematch seemed WAY too low and it was like. I immediately knew there was going to a way worse fight and I WAS RIGHT AAAA A FUGGIN GOD SHOWED UP AAAA but!! I think I handled it pretty smoothly despite my usual "camp in darkness and wait for mooks to get whacked by Spirit Guardians" strategy not working lmao. Dimension Door to get Aldrich and Wyll over to Aylina and free her, Astarion I had sneak onto a platform before the fight so he could easily nuke the skellies with a fire arrow, and Spirit Guardians still having use as Gale dashed around destroying them lmao. Only thing I dont want to admit is how long it took me to realise that boss guy is stationary and I could just... plop down Wall of Fire on top of him lol.

Really admire Aylina's intensity and her being like "I was trapped in 100 years of sorrow, vanquished the great evil, now I am reunited with my lover and GONNA FUCK"

She's just so intense I love her. I hope she sticks around!

[paradox-time]

Ok, imma jump in the kitchen with you.

Gale definitely feels like The Eye, his curiosity and greed for hidden knowledge was his downfall.

Shadowheart thematically is perfect for The Dark

Lae'zel, though, isn't as much Slaughter as she is Vast. A warrior from the Astral Plane, a soldier to a Tyrant who's only goal is God-like power and influence. Being from a place without time or boundary. Just, her whole culture is based on the concept of an Infinite Empire. Then she becomes a Space Warrior trying to kill a supposedly immortal god-queen. Lae'zel is The Vast.

Karlach being part of The Lonely makes a ton of sense, her isolation is a huge portion of her struggle, but as obvious as it is, I like The Desolation for her. Everything she ever loved and everything she ever lived for was ripped away violently and now she's literally always of fire and burns away anything she touches because of a random violent one-off bad-luck shit-show. That's the entire point of The Desolation.

Wyll is a difficult one. The Hunt works from the "he hunts monsters" angle, but that's it. The Lonely works better for Wyll than it does for Karlach, though. Isolated from his family by Mizora, banished from his home by his father, keeps himself alone because he is afraid that anything or anyone he cares about will be in danger because of his Infernal ties. Further isolated himself out of shame when he becomes part devil. Canonically has no close ties or friends, even from the city he spent his entire early life in. He craves a slow and dedicated romance that will last a lifetime so he won't have to be alone anymore.

I actually really like Astarion being linked with The Corruption. So many people forget that it's not just bugs and mold, but also unhealthy attachments and predatory relationships. Jane Prentiss loves The Hive as it ruins her from the inside out, The Corruption is just as much about toxicity and abuse as it is about maggots. Astarion, trapped by Cazador, continuously subjected to insane amounts of abuse, unable to leave, unable to heal. Resentment growing like rot until he has the ultimate choice of letting it consume him until he is exactly what he hated, or cutting out the festering mass that is everything that connects him to Cazador. Also the whole Szarr family crest being a Rat King is so Corruption coded. Also vampires have always been an allegory for both disease and predatory relationships. Give yourself credit where credit is due, Astarion as The Corruption is genius.

The Dark Urge being such a customizable character makes his entity a bit harder to consider. Depending on how you play Durge, he could go Slaughter, Spiral, or even Web. I love the Extinction angle though, but that's less his character and more his purpose (a purpose that he is ignoring to go play in the woods with a bunch of tadpoled strangers for a few months, no wonder Bhaal was upset). I don't even have a concrete answer for Durge, weird considering I almost exclusively play as him (12 times lol). He is just such a fucked up little hodge-podge of opposing forced daring to try to act as a person. Uncontrollable bloodthirst that he takes undeniable glee in, despite how he might feel about his joy at bloodsport afterwards. That is absolutely Slaughter. The voices in his head, the visions in his dreams, his fantasies turned action without him even meaning to, his total lack of understanding what is real and what is The Urges, the memory loss and paranoia. Dude, it's The Spiral. The you have his issues with control. The only reason he exists is to be his father's will on the material plane, a puppet to possess, a knife to be wielded. He is not even technically a sentient person, more a creature made to look like a person that suddenly decided it wanted agency. Like the pencil you use to write suddenly trying to draw by itself. It's why he has to die to free himself from Bhaal. And even then, he wasn't free until a different god forced him out of Bhaal's domain. The Dark Urge is absolutely a victim of The Web. I leave the final alignment up to reader discretion, I literally can't pick.

Ok thanks for the opportunity to yap about both BG3 and The Magnus Archives in the same post. <3

Alright guys I had an idea

Gale - Eye

Shadowheart - Dark

Lae’zel - Slaughter

Karlach - Lonely

Wyll - Hunt???? Idk there is probably a better fear for him but I’m not sure rn

Astarion - the corruption, this one is also a big stretch

Durge - Definitely the Slaughter but tbh I don’t want to double up on fears so I’m going to say the extinction

[tanoraqui]

Notes:

I don't hold Astarion accountable for 96% of his actions for the past 200-odd years, but if he wants to really be free of Cazador, he has to not complete that damn ascension ritual, which is really an Astarion Personal Problem

Shadowheart and Lae'zel are likewise at that "this isn't really your fault but you ARE going to have to seriously unlearn some thought patterns to get out of it" level - as opposed to Karlach (did nothing wrong) and Wyll (did 1 thing wrong but he was backed into the corner of it)

Gale is so funny on this axis I love him. My dear man, get over yourself.

It's likewise so fucking funny that Lae'zel is just, like, a normal Githyanki warrior. I mean, I'm sure she's badass even by their standards! But her problems are entirely systemic. Vlaakith had never heard of her before this fiasco. She is, in a way, far and away the most normal person here.

Wyll wins that one hands down on account of how Mizora keeps showing up to fuck with him. Nobody else gets this personal attention!

It sounds like in Avernus, Zariel was more personally obsessed with Karlach, but she never so much as appears in the game so that really ranks her down on that scale.

Dark Urge probably roams the Y axis based on how they're played, but I'm given to understand that even if they throw off Bhaal's influence entirely, they're still somewhat of an innately bloodthirsty freak? So I stand by my placement. We just don't know what's wrong with that person.

Discuss.