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theendwhereibegin · 1 year ago

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Here goes nothing. Been a bit rusty as I haven't written in a while now, let alone, any fanfiction. I guess it's been a while since I have last felt this connection to an actor.

Please bare with me. This is my first story in the realm of Pedro Pascal fan fiction, so please be kind to me, and tell me if it really sucks.

So here it is, a bit of fluff with Pedro Pascal. * i cringed even typing that*

Enjoy!

Universally meant, Earthly bound

If you were to think that there is a force in the Universe that dictates how a select few, the chosen ones, the lucky ones, met, would you believe it?

story line

inner monologue

I was rushing through the city, once again. Why? Mainly because my only workout consists of hitting the snooze button a little too much in the mornings.

Running towards work, I realized that I had gone out of the house wearing my slippers. I didn't realize that on my own though, a 6 year old boy loudly told his mom while we were waiting to cross the street.

“Look mommy, she has Baby Yoda slippers on her feet. That is so cool. I want to be like her when I grow up”

Upon hearing that I turned my attention towards the pair, as his mom shot me a sympathetic look, a look that pretty much made me understand that she has most probably done it herself one too many times. The child was beaming towards me with a cute boyish smile and all my embarrassment melted away.

Yes, you read that right. I was now making my way to work while wearing Baby Yoda slippers, too sleepy to care about the looks I was getting from the random people passing me.

Let`s pause the story here for a bit. Now that we set the scene, I might as well tell you a bit about myself. I am in my early 30s, and some would argue I am at that age when I kind of need to be put together and not leave my house wearing slippers instead of proper shoes. I would argue that age is just a silly number, and it doesn`t dictate how you are supposed to live your life. I enjoy pretty much anything Netflix has to offer, long awkward walks in the park as I don`t really do socializing, and charity shops where I always seem to find a little treasure in the form of old and rare books. My name isn`t important at this point in time, but my job, well my job is the key element for this story.

...right I forgot to tell you the plot. Let`s just say that this is the story of how I managed to meet one of the biggest stars on this planet, probably Galaxy, while wearing house slippers, a coffee soaked white t-shirt and sporting a very Harry Potter like scratch on my right cheek. Now, shall we get back to our story? Where was I? Right! Going to work.

Going through the busy streets I stopped at a Starbucks to grab myself a coffee and something to eat before, what was supposed to be, a very long day at work. That`s where I soaked my t-shirt and got a pretty nasty cut on my face. How, you may ask yourself? That`s easy when your middle name is Clumsy.

After I got my coffee and sandwich, I turned around to be met by a silhouette as hard as a wall, which caused me to lose my balance and trip over a small dog, with the hot dark liquid flying in the air and landing on my t-shirt. While all that was happening, like it wasn`t enough, I fell face first in a wooden like fork, which managed to cause quite a cut. This sounds crazy, I know, but if something goes wrong for me, it`s going to be all at once.

“Are you okay?” asked the silhouette.

While trying to collect myself from the ground while the whole shop was looking at me I mumbled an embarrassed “Sure” and ran as fast as I could towards the exit. At least my slippers made it out alive from the whole debacle.

Walking into work I put my bag on my desk and sulked in my seat. Today couldn`t of started worse, and I had to face the music at work as well as my boss has told me weeks ago that I have an important photo shoot today and that I should be prepared and full of energy.

Have you guessed my job yet? I bet you did...

While waiting for the main character of the photo shoot to appear, I tried to finish some of the projects I started already and never gotten around to finishing.

“Are you ready for today?” asked my coworker, Alexis.

Alexis was that giddy girl that every office has. Keen on being liked by everyone and befriend everyone, she managed to sneak herself under my skin, and I took her under my wing. Being young, I never had the support she has. I was always thrown into deep waters without much to go on, and being a mentor for Alexis meant the world to me.

“Of course I am ready A. I am also nervous as I never had to deal with something like this before. I usually know all of the models, and now Graham made it clear that it`s a new person and that it`s important for the photo shoot to go great. You know I don`t know how to socialize.” I said while I put my head in my hands, shrugging slightly.

I continued, “On top of that I am wearing Baby Yoda slippers, my shirt is soaked and stained and I have this on my cheek”, while pointing at myself.

“How did you even manage? Wait, I retract my question. It`s you. Of course, something like this would happen. Here, let me help you clean your face a bit, at least” she said while taking my hand and guiding me to the bathroom. Wrong move on her part as at the same time my boss screamed my name while trying to get my attention towards our client for today.

Turning my head I could have sworn I saw Pedro Pascal looking at me wide eyed. I shook it off and looked again. That is definitely Pedro Pascal and I am definitely looking like a downright mess right now.

“One moment” I screamed back while rushing Alexis towards the bathroom.

The moment the door closed, I started hyperventilating and pacing at an alarming rate, trying to swallow the node I felt building up in my throat.

“This cannot be happening to me. This is too much. How am I supposed to go out there and shake his hand while looking like this? He`s seen me in this state. That`s it. I am cancelling today. I am going to call from here and tell Graham that I am suddenly sick and I can not go through and that we need to reschedule. What am I even saying? You don`t reschedule Pedro Pascal. He reschedules you, not the other way around.”

“You really need to breathe. In and out. You can`t call in sick. You are already at work, smarty pants. Plus, isn`t this the guy you`ve been gushing on since you`ve seen `The Last of Us`?” Alexis pointed out while trying to clean my cheek and get me to calm down. I am amazed at the fact that she stopped me from pacing further.

“You`ll go out there with a smile on your face. You will do your job and he will love being in your company because you are an amazing woman and photographer. You hear me?” she started saying louder than before.

“I hear you” I said while looking in the mirror.

Newsflash. I didn`t hear her. I heard words, but to be honest, I zone out when people try to pep talk me. She is a lovely friend, but at the same time, I know I won`t be able to survive today. I can try, though. Should I even worry? It`s not like he`s going to care how I present myself. He just needs photos, and that`s that.

“I am pretty sure I lost you there for a bit, so please say it to me : I hear you, and I will slay the hell out of this photo shoot because I can.” she read me like an open book.

“I hear you, and I will slay the hell out of this photo shoot because I can. All better now?” I asked while making my way out of the bathroom. Yet another mistake as Pedro was exiting the men’s bathroom and heard everything I just said.

“Are you for real?” I said in an annoyed tone while Alexis was hot on my heels giggling like a high-school girl. Pedro was visibly amused at what was unfolding in front of him.

“I am for real. Last time, I checked anyway. I am Pedro. Nice to meet you” he said while smiling.

“This keeps getting more embarrassing. I am your photographer for the day. My name is Olivia.” I said while extending my hand to him. “Sorry for my apparel for the day, but I`ve had a rough start. I swear I am better at my job than I am at, well, living. Should we get started?” I asked quickly not to leave him too much time to respond anything else but yes.

“Yes. After you”

This was a weird setting. Me and him walking the long hallway to the photo studio. It felt like it took even longer than it normally does. I was trying to distract myself until he opened his mouth again.

“Nice slippers. Good to see they escaped unharmed from your Starbucks episode” he said while smirking. I could feel the smirk in his voice as he talked. Wait, how did he know about Starbucks? I mean, the stain looks like coffee, so you don`t have to be a genius to know that I probably tripped, and it spilt on me, but to represent it as an episode...

“Excuse me? Starbucks episode?” I asked, stunned.

“Well, I would start by saying sorry for standing behind you in the queue. I mean, you could have turned a bit slower, but I couldn`t help myself but move closer to you while you were turning because I saw your slippers, and I was curious.” he said while stopping .

“I am truly sorry Olivia. I really am.” he continued.

Of course! My luck! The stranger that I tripped over happens to be Pedro Pascal. Seriously, Universe? Seriously”

“I can`t with today. That`s it. I am cancelling today. Today never happened.” I said in a frustrated manner, causing his concern.

“I mean, I don`t think you can do that as most of it already happened, but you can try, I guess?” he said while scratching the back of his head while I was looking at him like a lost puppy seeing its favourite toy after a long time. His whole demeanour made me feel at ease. All he had to do was smile, and I was automatically in a better mood.

“I suppose I can`t. As I mentioned before, I am sorry for my apparel. I didn`t plan to do this. I didn`t even know who the client was until you walked in. I just hit the snooze button too many times. Ended up speed dressing and running through the city. By the time I was made aware of the fact that I am wearing my Baby Yoda slippers by a 6 year old, nonetheless, it was too late to go back and change. Here I am, in all my nerdy glory. Unfortunately, your photographer is a nerdy, clumsy, and awkward woman who is supposed to have her shit together cause she`s over 30 and has no desire to act her age.”

I regretted it the moment all of this left my mouth and my hands flew towards it in horror. He was in the same position, with the same boyish grin plastered on his face, looking at me like I wasn`t just ranting my frustrations to a man I just met.

"For all it`s worth, I think you are trying your hardest, and you should cut yourself some slack. Be your nerdy, clumsy, awkward self because that`s who you are meant to be. You are trying to change something that will never change, your essence. It`s who you are, Olivia, and if you ask me, I`d say so far my first impression of you is a very good one” he said reassuringly.

I took a deep breath and turned around while whispering a shy “Thank you!”, not knowing that he understood how much his words meant to me, and that he was relieved that he managed to say it without upsetting me in the process. Little did I know that the Universe has been working hard for years to make this encounter happen.

#writer #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal #fanfic #fanfiction #words #wattpad #fluff

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are-you-still-writing-that · 11 months ago

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Reading List 2022

So there was lot that happened in the last year, but one of them was that I finally got a regular access to the library of the University I´m studying at. Though, the majority of the books on this list, still come from my own shelves, and were simply collecting dust for a long time.

I wanted to share with you guys, what took my attention a lot of the time, whenever I sat down to read something, apart from the copious amount of Fanfiction I read on the daily. Something, that is between me and AO3 only.

This list is supposed to be something between a casual review and recommendation. There are a few books on here, that I simply adored, and others that I hated. Either because I didn´t like the style or it was written in a genre I´m not fond of to begin with.

But without further ado: Let´s begin, but be aware of spoilers!!

The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman

Let´s start with something I absolutely adored!

Nobody Owens escapes death just barely as a young child, and is instead raised by the folks at the graveyard. Ghost and spirits of the deceased and his legal guardian Silas, who is clearly a vampire though it never gets outright said in the novel. We follow Bod around, as he grows up, makes friends, gets though of as an imaginary friend several times, and even meets the personification of death. With him we explore the stories of the graveyard he grew up on, and the secrets it has.

I loved the character of Nobody „Bod“ Owens and how he interacted with the world! This was the first book I read, that was written by Gaiman and I gotta say I wasn´t disappointed. There was such a heart wrenching moment, when the story came to an end, that really felt like a final goodbye. The story, was inviting to read, and didn´t become boring. I genuinely enjoyed reading it, and was left with a melancholy, that comes with a story, that is about growing up!

The Wicked and the Damned by Warhammer Horror

This is one of the books, where it was gifted to me, and the genre is not something I enjoy.

Three people meet up in a place full of the death, without a clue how they even arrived here, they tell the stories of their lives in hope of finding out what had brought them here. We get told of a soldier, who keeps the army in line, and fulfils his duty with a fervor. A woman, who did everything to rise through the ranks, and now is haunted her own deeds. A pastor, who simply can´t believe in what he does and slowly looses his faith. We get told their stories, and how they ended.

Here we have a gritty and rather bleak horror novel, with hints of it being Sci-Fi, where not one of our protagonists is likeable in my opinion. Their motivations always seemed so horrible to me. I think, in the end, this story, is really about the absolute depravity humanity can reach. The scenario is some far away future, where society is ruled by, what seems to be a dictatorship and religion. We have the stories of 3 different people, and how they deal with the situations they find themselves in. All of them, by the way, don´t deal all that well. Worth it I think if you´re a fan of horror and Sci-Fi, and to be honest kind of bleak stories, but otherwise, it can become exhausting to read.

The Christmas Pig by J.K. Rowling

It´s a cute little children´s stories, and it is good.

The premise could be described as „Where do the things we loose end up?“ Jack will find out, as he makes the journey to recover his stuffed animal, that he lost. On his journey, he comes to know the stories, how quite a few of the things he met ended up lost, and the horrible threat that looms over, the entire realm, as he slowly learns to love.

The story beats come at the right time, and the story itself is interesting as well. I found it quite fascinating how some things were working with „The Lost and Found“ concerning everything inside the story. I also quite liked the character voices.

Amok by Richard Bachman

The entire concept of the story is interesting.

The setting: A high school in Maine. After a conversation with the director, Charlie Decker shoots first his teacher and then holds his classmates hostage. Let the mind games begin, as he simply talks with them, while keeping the police in check

Getting into the mind of Charlie was something I enjoyed, though I have to admit, when the story comes to an end I can´t quite tell you what happened. Either because I was sleep deprived when reading that last part or because I seem to have terrible reading comprehension or because it isn´t that clear to begin with. In the end, I enjoyed it regardless.

'Salem's Lot by Stephen King

Another horror novel, that was gifted to me...

Ben Mears returns as a successful novelist back to his childhood home. He plans to write a novel in this deserted town, far away from the big cities. Almost at the same time, a weird stranger shows up as well, who decides to rent a building that has been empty for decades, because the previous owner just up and vanished. Soon enough, it becomes weird. Lights burning without a source, a dog gets found dead, and children go missing.

I´ll be honest, I expected witches, demonic rituals, anything, that might connect the happenings to Salem. My first thought was „Salem Witch Trials“ and I was disappointed when I got vampires instead. They were surprising, yeah, but not a great choice in my opinion. Though, my father disagrees with me on that...

Seibetsu "Mona Lisa" no Kimi he by Tsumuji Yoshimura (Volume 2 – Volume 6)

A beautiful manga, that really became important to me personally, and where I fear a bit the ending.

„What gender was the Mona Lisa? There is a lot of myth surrounding the painting, and some even say, that it combines both“ In a world, where everyone is born without a gender, they will have to choose. Most children have chosen who to become around the time, when they celebrate their 12th birthday. Not Hinase. Already 17, they still haven´t decided. And it seems, that time is slowly running out for them, as they are the oldest living person, who still hasn´t decided.

Hinase struggles, resonate with me on a personal level and I´m really invested in how their story will end, even though the end scares me at the same time as well. The love triangle though, is something I am just tolerating. I mean on their own the characters are really well done, and their struggles are just beautifully presented. I just can´t stand the declaration of the Male Interest, and though the Female Interest says the same thing in the beginning, she quickly changes her tune, and realizes, that she would still love Hinase no matter what they become, all the while the Male Interest still is stuck on getting Hinase to become a woman. The characters are good. The love triangle isn´t. The story resonates with me on a personal level.

The Green Mile by Stephen King

The story definitely hit it´s mark with me.

Paul Edgewoth is a prison guard, and tends to talks about his guest. He is responsible for seeing the death penalty through. Though things take a turn to the scary and supernatural when two girls die and John Coffey gets convicted and is put on the death track.

It was a pleasure to read through these books, and slowly getting more and more of the story. I was deeply saddend by the inevitability that seemed to haunt me, after reading it, and truly dreaded the end. It was compelling to read, and a beautiful commentary on something truly despicable. My little summary can´t reach the brilliance of what is happening. Well done, King.

‎The Wicked Sister by Karen Dionne

A thriller, that was truly enjoyable.

The 26 year old Rachel Cunningham lives for 15 years in an „asylum“ in Michigan. She believes, that she killed her own mother as a little child. That memory, of her standing there with the weapon in her hands in front of the body, won´t leave her be. Though the memory lies, and the deadly truth comes creeping in.

It truly took me a while, till I realized, that the little girl in the flashback was not Rachel but her older sister, and in that moment all the tension relied on Rachel first of all figuring out what truly happened, and then escaping her sister. It was tense, and I enjoyed it a lot while reading it on the train.

Leiden sollst du by Laura Wullf

Another great thriller, that kept my interest till the end

Was it really an accident? The seventeen year old Julia was missing for several months only to be found dead. Marie is deeply disturbed by this cause her cousin, Ben, was friends with the now dead girl. She asks her husband, Daniel an ex-cop who is now paralysed, for help and finds out that Ben has been receiving threats and has been followed now for several weeks. Shortly after the next body appear and Marie joins a game she never wanted to play.

I admit, this one is rather average and not that memorable, still it is enjoyable to read through. I liked the characters well enough, and the game the killer plays was also unique enough to keep me interested.

Rivers of London by Ben Aaronovitch

Another gift, another one, that I really wasn´t fond of.

This is London as you´ve never seen it before. A city of wonders and terrors. A city of ancient secrets, which is haunted by it´s past. A city where you are never far from magic. A city Peter Grant will help you discover: My name is Peter Grant, and I used to be a probationary constable in that mighty army for justice known to all right-thinking people as the Metropolitan Police Service, and to everyone else as the Filth. My story really started when I tried to take a witness statement from a man who was already dead...

Quite frankly, I was glad, when I finally finished the book. Something about the book just rubbed me the wrong way, and so the end couldn´t have come soon enough...

Die Dunklen by Ralf Isau

Something, that collected dust for a very long time in my shelf...

The pianist Sarah d´Albis has synaesthesia. She can see music. While listening to a piece of Franz List a foreboding message is revealed to her. She starts to follow the trail of a secret brotherhood, who call themselves the dark ones. For ages they have been searching for a terrifying piece of music who promises to grant them complete control over humanity. Together with the Russian Oleg, Sarah will do anything in her power to stop them. The future of the world depends on them.

This book would have been a lot more enjoyable if I cared about music and the terminology used for it. As it is, I don´t. While I did like the characters and the stories itself, Isau became to long-winded for me to properly enjoy his story. The end was too often in reach, only for it to be pulled away again.

Santa Clawed by Rita Mae Brown

Goddamn, I hated it...

As Harry well knows, there’s hardly a place on earth cozier than Crozet, Virginia, at Christmastime. Snowflakes, carolers, it’s all picture-perfect until Harry and her husband, Fair, find the tree they’ve chosen grimly decorated with a corpse. The tree farm is run by the Brothers of Love, a semimonastic organization whose members live atop the scenic Blue Ridge Mountains. Now, as the season grows merrier, a murderer is growing bolder. One by one, prominent men of Crozet are being crossed off Christmas shopping lists and added to the morgue. And if Harry and her four-legged helpers aren’t very good–and very careful–this Christmas will be her last.

The story was mediocre at best, downright bad at worst. I couldn´t stand to read it, and at the same time get away from the religious imaginary, that was just thrown at me the whole time. I was glad to finally shut it, and will open it never again. Moving on!

Whisper by Isabel Abedi

A reread, and a good one at that.

An unnatural silence lays over Whisper, the old mansion, where Noa is supposed to spend her vacation. The old building hides a secret, which no one dares to mention. Fear but also curiosity drive Noa to discover the trails over a long silenced crime. Together with David, a boy from town, she will discover the secrets of these old walls.

I read this story before, but couldn´t quite remember what had happend so I made my journey again, and it was great. I love how done Noa is with her mother, and I completely forgot about the twist at the end, though it does come kind of outta no where. Got to admit that. I also adore, that all our characters seem like people, and not just walking tropes. It´s nice children book.

Der Verehrer by Charlotte Link

This story is my cup of tea, through and through.

When the body of a recently murdered young woman is found in a forest, the police and her family are confronted with a mystery. For the last six years, the woman was considered to have disappeared without a trace. Only another crime leads to new approaches and to a woman who has no idea she could be the next victim.

This story grabbed me by the throat and refused to let go. It was such an enjoyable read through, I don´t quite know how to put it in words. One thing only: You should know around the halfway point what is going on. At least I did. Though I liked, that Link didn´t try to drag the mystery for too long. It became obvious, but it never lost it´s tension.

Funfact: I took the book with me, while going to my first convention, and I really gotta say I had to convince myself to put it down, when I was reading after coming back to the hotel to wind down for the night, because I had an early start the next day. Amazing story!

Black Out by Marc Elsberg

Let it end already!

On a cold February day, all electricity grids in Europe collapse. The total blackout. Italian computer scientist Piero Manzano suspects a hacker attack and tries to warn the authorities – unsuccessfully. When Europol Commissioner Bollard finally listens to him, dubious e-mails appear in Manzano's computer, directing suspicion to himself. He has come under the crosshair of an adversary who is as sophisticated as he is merciless. Meanwhile, all of Europe is in darkness and the battle for survival begins . . .

At this point most of you should have realized that I hate bleak fiction. I just can´t stand it! This was another book, where it felt like a pain, or worse a chore, to read it. I genuinely couldn´t enjoy it at all. I mean the twist at the end was kind of funny, especially because it´s a call back. But the rest, I dreaded it. While the characters were somewhat fun, they also felt like plain caricatures the whole time. I was glad, when the book finally ended.

Todesträume am Montparnasse by Alexandra von Grote

No, just no...

It is not a pretty sight to see Commissioner Maurice LaBréa at the scene of the crime. The deceased is lying on the bed with his hands and feet tied to the bedposts with a thin nylon cord. The mouth is covered with a large patch. On his chest, the killer deposited a cassette with Ravel's Boléro on it. At first, the police suspect an act of revenge – but shortly after, a similar murder occurs, and LaBréa is confronted with a mystery. A race against time begins . . .

The vibe of this story was just off. I genuinely can´t tell you what it was, that made this story so fucking uncomfortable to read, but I really gotta say, I was the worst. Especially, because I could never pin point, what it was now, that was rubbing me the wrong way. Really the vibes were just so off!!

GANGSTA by Kohske (Volume 1)

I love it! I love it so much! It´s everything.

In Ergastulum, a city rules by violence, drugs and the mafia, there are two independent handymen – Nicolas and Worick. Alex, a former prostitute who joins them, wants to know more about them. About their friendship and past. On the streets murder is a everyday thing, a strange drug and superhumans called Twilights, are calling the tune. It´s a mafia fantasy through and through.

You know what? I take some it back, even though I still love it with all my heart. The story and the world can be a bit bleak. Because Ergastulum and the reality Nicolas lives in. That´s just dark! Still the teasing he exchanges with Worick, the way he already worries over Alex! It´s everything to me! I really, really just adore the way he acts! The way you can already tell how much he loves the people around him. I just love it. Everyone, please give this oldie (and it kinda is) a chance.

Funfact 1: I won the first volume in a Go-Tournament.

Funfact 2: For those, that know of the anime, I could actually see StereoDiveFoundation (the guy who wrote the absolute banger that Renegade is!) live this year ( in June 2023 btw..., yeah it takes that long...)

The Speaker by Traci Chee

It was definitely an interesting read, and I loved the story telling in this.

Having barely escaped the clutches of the Guard, Sefia and Archer are back on the run, slipping into the safety of the forest to tend to their wounds and plan their next move. Haunted by painful memories, Archer struggles to overcome the trauma of his past with the impressors, whose cruelty plagues him whenever he closes his eyes. But when Sefia and Archer happen upon a crew of impressors in the wilderness, Archer finally finds a way to combat his nightmares: by hunting impressors and freeing the boys they hold captive.

Something I have to mention upfront: On a side note, it can work as independent story, even though this particular one is the second book from a trilogy. So my opinion of it, might be a bit strange. Especially because of that. But yet, I still adored the story telling of Chee. She had a beautiful way to bring this entire world closer to me and reading this never felt like a chore to me. My applause. Genuinely. Also, the German title is very dear to me: Ein Schatz aus Papier und Magie (downright poetic)

The Thing on the Doorstep by H.P. Lovecraft

Creepy as fuck, as I hoped it would be.

A collection of short stories by the popular horror author H.P. Lovecraft. Including „The Thing on the Doorstep“, „The Outsider“, „The Colour Out of Space“, „The Dreams in the Witch House“ and „The Shadow Out of Time“.

These short stories had me in a tight grip when I read them. I practically devoured it. It hit all of the right points for me to sit back and question it. Lovecraft allowed me to follow along, while still giving himself enough time to actually explain, what was going on. Well, at least well enough, that I didn´t feel too terribly confused and got annoyed with him. It was a gorgeous collection and definitely worth the read. Because yeah, this was a collection of his though the titular one was by far my favourite.

At the Mountains of Madness by H.P Lovecraft

This one was weird...

Arkham, 1933. Professor Dyer, learns that a scientific expedition will soon leave for Antarctica following in the footsteps of the journey which he himself had made in 1931. In the hope of dissuading the attempt, Dyer decides to make a full account of the tragic events he had survived, this time without omitting the passages which he had kept silent about on his return, for fear of being taken for a madman.

Two years earlier, ships chartered by Miskatonic University had landed on the frozen continent at the start of the Antarctic summer, and the group of four professors and sixteen students set to work immediately. The expedition biologist, Professor Lake, left with several members of the team to follow a promising fossil track. After just a few days, he announced by radio that he had discovered astonishing specimens of an unknown ancient species, before stopping all communication after a terrible storm. Guessing the worst, Dyer went to their rescue the next day. What he discovered went beyond his wildest fears ...

Okay as much as I loved the previous one, this one was a bit strange. I couldn´t quite tell, what his intentions were with that one, but I found it so much more strange and off-putting. It´s written more like an actual scientific report, which made reading it a bit more tedious than the previous one. I´m just not a fan of rhetoric used in those stories, so I knew I wouldn´t like it. In the end the horror story did it´s job though. I was freaked out and a bit afraid.

Monster by Robert Waugh

Admittedly a super interesting, if a bit dry, read.

A series of essays by Robert Waugh, where he explores the themes, motive and narrative in the stories of H.P. Lovecraft. He pulls from the live of Lovecraft, as he tries to find what makes his stories so special, and where the many fears, that Lovecraft uses in his horror come from. The trilogy was titles „A monster of Voices“, „The monster in the mirror“ and „A monster for many“.

It was so interesting to actually read all of this. At some points, it started to feel a bit heavy, but it´s kinda what I expected from a series of academic essays. Though one thing I noticed, because it was frankly hilarious, was how the print got gradually bigger and the books thinner over the course of the three books. No, if there is an avid interest for the work of Lovecraft I recommend checking these essays out.

Profiling Violent Crimes by Ronald Holmes

That one was so much fun!!

Another series of essays, that busy itself with the topic of violent crimes. Where does it pop up? Who are the victims? And who are the guilty? What styles of violent crime are there? And who is the most likely to do what?

It was so much fun to actually read that, cause he comes to a few conclusions that seem pretty strange, but Holmes argues well-enough for them, that it seems to make sense. A book, where I actually enjoyed looking at it´s graphes. Something, I usually dread.

Sisi by Andy Englert

Cute!

Every year, the three famous “Sissi” films enchant millions of people in front of the TV at Christmas. The image of the Austrian Empress Elisabeth is shaped by the “Sissi” classics with Romy Schneider. But what was the “real” Sisi really like? Royals expert Andreas Englert sheds light on the historical figure – Munich-born Elisabeth Amalie Eugenie von Wittelsbach, later Empress Elisabeth of Austria-Hungary – in the spotlight. Did you know that after the dream wedding in Vienna with Emperor Franz Joseph I in 1854, disenchantment quickly reigned and why? Or that the “real” Sisi did not suffer from an eating disorder, as has often been claimed? And why is she actually called “Sissi” in the movies and not “Sisi” or even “Lisi”? Questions about questions, all of which are answered in a well-founded and exciting way in this book.

It was cute little biography, filled with some funfacts about Sisi. Definitely very entertaining to read, but nothing memorable, that I can say now about it. Cuz, while I do like Sisi well enough, certainly not enough to actively memorise facts about her...

In the end, it was all about love. by Musa Okwonga

Another mediocre book. Not great, but not bad either. Somewhat fun.

The narrator arrives in Berlin, a place famed for its hedonism, to find peace and maybe love; only to discover that the problems which have long haunted him have arrived there too, and are more present than ever. As he approaches his fortieth birthday, nearing the age where his father was killed in a brutal revolution, he drifts through this endlessly addictive and sometimes mystical city, through its slow days and bottomless nights, wondering whether he will ever escape the damage left by his father's death. With the world as a whole more uncertain, as both the far-right and global temperatures rise at frightening speed, he finds himself fighting a fierce inner battle against his turbulent past, for a future free of his fear of failure, of persecution, and of intimacy. In The End, It Was All About Love is a journey of loss and self-acceptance that takes its nameless narrator all the way through bustling Berlin to his roots, a quiet village on the Uganda-Sudan border. It is a bracingly honest story of love, sexuality and spirituality, of racism, dating, and alienation; of fleeing the greatest possible pain, and of the hopeful road home.

Let me tell you something. I was reading this book, while having the nigh watch, and you know what even being awake for far over twenty hours I didn´t fall asleep with it. Which says a bit more, when I tell you that I definitely feel asleep before while reading, several times, pretty often. So, it was interesting enough, to at least keep my attention. Even when I was exhausted beyond belief.

Nahe Tage by Angelika Overrath

Break my heart, why don´t you?

With the last of her mother's belongings, Johanna returns to the apartment where she grew up. As if under duress, she sorts her mother's laundry according to temperature tolerance, and while the washing machine starts running, Johanna makes an inventory of her childhood. . .

What a text on which I ended my year. It made me cry. You can just feel that grief, that Johanna is going through the whole time. The disbelief, as she is still grabbling with what happened. Her childhood. I´m dying. Especially reading this over Christmas was either the best decision ever, or the worst one. I genuinely can´t tell.

I´m finished!! A total of 31 books were read in the year of 2022. Looking back I will definitely continue to sort through my shelves. Cuz I got too many of those damn books. I always collect them but never read them (Note from the future: I try my best here, but I ain´t easy (my to be read list is already longer than it was last year...))

#reading list

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wikiblair · 2 years ago

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15 questions/15 people

I was tagged by @angry-velociraptor (sorry I´ve noticed so late)

1. Are you named after anyone?

Luckily no. But my mom had some very wierd ideas of how to name me so I am very glad I´ve ended up with my name. Phew.

2. When was the last time you cried?

Not very long time ago. My eyes got tear up regularly, but full time cry was not so long ago (but I don´t remember why. I usually cry because of anger, but when I hit a good fanfiction story, I can cry my eyes of :-). So maybe a week ago?

3. Do you have kids?

NO! And I never wanted them. I´ve hated those little bastards even when I was a kid myself.

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

Well, since my best friend introduced me to sarkasm 17 years ago I´ve started to use it a lot. So yes :-).

5. What’s the first thing you notice about people?

I don´t know to be honest. I am trying no to look at people at all. But when it comes to that then maybe a haircut. I have a nasty habit to judge others people hair so.. :-). But right after that it would be eyes and smile.

6. what’s your eye color?

Brown, nothing special here :-).

7. scary movie or happy endings?

I hate scary movies. It was never my thing (yes I am quite a chicken). So happy ending for me here :-).

8. any special talents?

Maybe beiing lazy :-). Or putting things off indefinitely and don´t be bothered by it. But other than those character flaws nothing :-).

9. where were you born?

Czechoslovakia (Czech republic now).

10. what are your hobbies?

Hobbies? What is that? I used to read books a lot but as I am getting older I am loosing patience with books. So I guess reading a fanfiction stories would be more acurate. But truth is, I love PC games, so that could count as hobby too I guess :-).

11. do you have any pets?

No. I am way too irresponsible to be responsible for another living creature. But don´t get me wrong. I love animals (especially cats). I love pet them, I love watching them etc. I just don´t trust myself having them in my home. I am killing flowers on regular basis so... Poor animal in my care :-).

12. what sports do you play/have you played?

I used to play handball (which is kinda family sport in our family) and florball at elementary and high school. I´ve always regret that I wasn´t brave enough to try play ice-hockey with boys though. I believe I would be mean defender :-).

13. how tall are you?

157 cm/ 5'15"

14. favorite subject in school?

History. I´ve loved history since I remember. As a kid I had this plastic sword and I was pretending I am some great king from our past :). I´ve studying history in college and have bachelor's degree in it.

15. dream job?

I don´t have one I guess. But I´ve worked in library once as a temp and I wouldn´t mind working there again. So maybe librarian?

Tagging (my tagging is off so I don´t know if this show in peoples activity but I still try :-) ):

@simauita @avarice-rising @supergeekgirl05 @saii79 @sprqpointintern

#Tagging game #Thanks Angry-velociraptor #:-)

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kosmokhaos · 7 years ago

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What is some of the inspiration that helps you create your sims ?

Hmmm Usually its the blogs I follow that post a lot of model photos. Both Amateur and Professional. Its pretty obvious I’m inspired by a lot of Models of Color XDMultiCultural Models is one of my fave inspos right now the beautiful people posted give me inspo to post. But I also like supernatural and etheral kinda stuff so I also like blogs like SaucerKommand. It was recommended to me by someone I follow.

#I also have a wild imagination XD #Don;t even get me started on the fanfiction and stories I right #sparkly-ho #Ask Kosmo #write*

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yandere-daze · 2 years ago

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Kjskjshahlln keito nooo at least give me royalties since you been commisioned by these idols handsomely to write self insert with me. Imagines after the reveal you always side eyes everyone who comision him and read the fanfic.

Also Anzu maybe have commission him too once in a while you might see it when she accidentally showed you her secret folder kinda like accidentally showing your parent your secret porn folder you know how it's gonna end.

Anyway keito write many type of fic in his commission like an what if imagines if you're producer and player control you instead , waking up in player world, stealing player to their world and maybe some smut 😏

The characters commissioning self-insert fanfiction starring you!

Yeah Keito, go pay us some royalties for including us in your commissions or we´re going to sue you like we´re disney😤 Imagine how weird that would be though, like you would be so uncomfortable knowing that the people you spend time with are reading self-insert fanfiction where you´re dating them. Like fanfics of real people are weird from the get-go but when it´s you?? You would really prefer going back to the time when you were still unaware

How are you supposed to look them in the eye now? Or how are *they* going to look you in the eye now?? How do you even deal with your crush knowing that you read stories where the two of you are dating?? Do you just dig yourself a hole and disappear for a few months?

Okay so when you finally accepted that this did indeed happen, you start to wonder. Just how many people have paid for a commission from Keito? It couldn´t have been that many, right? I mean sure, you knew that there were some weirdos at Ensemble Square but surely they would have the common decency to not do that, right? Right???

Well you soon find out that you´re sorely mistaken when sweet, diligent Anzu accidentally shows you her folder full of commissioned pieces with you and her. You have a hard time believing it as she blushes furiously and snatches the folder out of your hands,thoroughly embarrassed by this entire thing.

Once word of this gets out everyone is highly on guard whenever you visit them in their dorm, trying to hide the fanfics from you as best as possible to make sure you don´t think of them any less. I mean, it´s really creepy, right?

And omg there are so many good ideas for what kind of fanfic they could commission! I really like your idea of a self-insert fic where they are the producer and get to be possessed by you. They´re all pretty jealous of Anzu in that regard.

Or you joining them in their world and you falling in love with them at first sight because you two were meant to be together!

Or what about the classics? Fake dating AUs, flower or coffee shop AUs, you go to a hotel together and there´s only one bed? There´s so much to pull from and you can be certain that every character has their own tastes for what they want to imagine themselves doing with you.

#yandere ensemble stars x reader #yandere enstars x reader #ensemble stars x reader #enstars x reader #enstars #ensemble stars #yandere ensemble stars #ensemble stars self aware au #yandere self aware ensemble stars au #yandere self-aware ensemble stars au #gn reader #yandere #cw yandere #yandere x reader

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the-insomniac-emporium · 3 years ago

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Serenade (Daniela Dimitrescu/Reader) Pt. 11

Fandom: Resident Evil: Village Rating: T for language Warnings: Nope! Notes: Here we are, a breath away from the end. This features not one, but FOUR songs written by myself. If you only choose to listen to one of them, listen to the final one (Cradle of Heaven), as it is a duet I wrote specifically for this fanfiction, as something that the reader wrote to play together with Daniela. The links to these songs will be within the fanfiction itself, at relevant times. Past Chapters: Pt. 1: Nocturne, Pt. 2: Overture, Pt. 3: Accelerando, Pt. 4: Toccata, Pt. 5: Poco a Poco, Pt. 6: Elegy, Pt. 7: Harmony, Pt. 8: Obbligato, Pt. 9: Berceuse, Pt. 10b: Hymn AMAB

Chapter 11: Cadence

(Cadence: Two chords that mark the end of a song)

The stage is set, the lights are dimmed, your heart pounds within your chest, and the world is yours. Soon, it will be Daniela’s. She is right by your side, as ever, hand gently taking hold of your own. There’s a silent reassurance in her grip, a reminder that the two of you have overcome a plethora of challenges. A promise that this will be no different. Both of you take a deep breath, in sync, before exchanging a quick kiss. All of your hard work has been leading up to the coming moments. Although you are beyond confident in your lover’s abilities, there is a shadow of doubt in the back of your mind. Not for her sake, but surrounding the expectations held by her mother, the standard against which you would be measured.

“Come hell or high water, Songbird, I won’t let anything happen to you. I promise,” Daniela whispers, squeezing your hand again, eyes unblinking as they stare into yours. “You’ve made every right choice, worked harder than anyone I know, and there is nothing more I can ask of you… except another kiss to celebrate afterwards, that is.” Giggling in response gives you the moment you need to relax, nerves fading into the background of your mind. “Now let’s put on a show the likes of which my mother has never seen, mhmm?”

THREE HOURS EARLIER:

“Here, you can borrow my brooch. It’s been in the family for generations, since before we even came to the village, passed down starting with an ancestor who crafted it himself, from materials he scavenged while fleeing his home country,” Daphne rambles, helping you attach the jewelry to your shirt. Thankfully, her hands do not tremble nearly as much as yours have been for the past hour. “I’m more than sure that Lady Daniela will tell you this much, but I feel the need to repeat just how good you look right now. I don’t know where the hell they’ve been hiding this version of our uniform, but damn do I wish I could get one for my next date with Ygritte. Seriously, if you can get one in my size, please do me that favor.”

“Anything for my best friend. Especially after all the times you’ve saved my ass these past few months,” you reply, pausing to give her shoulder an affectionate pat. If not for her constant interference running, someone would have certainly found out about your relationship with Daniela. “Speaking of that… of my life being on the line, I mean… no matter what happens today, no matter what Lady Dimitrescu decides, take care of yourself. You’ve gambled with your own blood to keep me safe, but what I’ve done, what I’ve risked, those were my choices. My consequences. The last thing I’d ever want is for you to pay for them, somehow.”

Rolling her eyes, Daphne gives you a playful shove to the chest, before smoothing out the fabric of your dress uniform. Now she refuses to meet your gaze, a familiar mistiness taking over her brown eyes.

“Nobody around here is stupid enough to think you’ll die today. You managed to get Lady Daniela, of all people, to stay focused long enough to learn some absolutely beautiful pieces of music. You have proved, time and time again, that you are a talented musician, teacher, and ‘servant’. So get out there and kick some metaphorical ass, my friend, because you are ready,” she finally says, offering you what seems to be a handshake. But as soon as your hand meets hers, she’s pulling you in for a hug, holding you tight for a solid minute. When at last you part, you give her what may very well be the last smile she’d ever see gracing your lips.

---------------------------

A hand’s edge against xer forehead, parallel to the ground, kept perfectly flat. From anyone else, it would be mockery. From xer? Honest salute, solidarity in a traditional form, accompanied by a sharp-toothed grin. Mimicking the expression, you wave at Ava, glad to see that xe would be awake for your concert. After your first night with your girlfriend, Daphne had helped arrange for someone to be your “cover story” for sleeping outside of your usual quarters. With Daniela’s input (and jealousy), only one candidate had revealed themselves, in the form of a (conveniently) mute butler with an inconsistent schedule, love of mischief, and somehow the respect of the Dimitrescu family. Now, xe appeared ready to escort you to the location of your trial by fire.

“Are you sure our mutual friend won’t be upset to see the two of us together?” You teased, knowing full well that Ava was one of the only people that Daniela trusted 100% around you. In response, xe gives an exaggerated shrug, then quickly links xer arm with your own. Together you march onwards to your destiny, amused by the way xe practically skipped down the hallway. Maybe there was a certain wisdom to xer shenanigans, a carefree philosophy that encouraged laughter in the face of death, and you embraced the thought with a smile.

Before long, however, the two of you encounter another unlikely pair headed towards the same destination: Lady Cassandra, looking somewhat embarrassed, with an unfamiliar maiden at her side. Their hands are clutching each other desperately, although neither of them dares to look at the other. Instead they both watch you closely from where they’ve paused in the corridor. Oddly unfazed, Ava gives them a short bow of acknowledgement, earning xer a brief nod from Cassandra. Seeming eager to move on, she addresses you quickly before gesturing for you to keep walking.

“Good luck. Don’t fuck this up for Daniela, or I’ll never hear the end of it,” she growls, doing her best to downplay her obvious concern. Wanting to let her keep up with her facade, you merely give a nod as you resume walking towards the concert stage. Soft footsteps behind you let you know that the strange pair are accompanying you. Still walking alongside you, Ava repeatedly glances behind you, putting out xer hands in the shape of a heart, giggling all the while. If you didn’t know any better, you would almost assume that xe wanted to get hit by Cassandra.

“Ava, please calm down. If you’re not careful, she’ll throw something at you. If she does that, you’ll probably dodge, and then I’ll probably end up getting hit, and then I’ll miss the concert, Lady Dimitrescu will kill me as punishment, Daniela will be sad and whiny about it, and none of you will have any peace for, like, a month. Three weeks, bare mims,” you tease, nudging xer in the ribs. Emphasizing a pout, xe sends one last look at Cassandra and her ‘friend’ (whose hand she was still holding onto like a lifeline), mouthing words you couldn’t parse. Based on the way Cassandra groans, it was something ridiculously cheesy. Regardless, xe behaves the rest of the way there…

ONE MINUTE TO SHOWTIME:

“I love you, Firefly, and I know that you’re going to do absolutely amazing out there. I’m so proud of you,” you murmur, pressing a feather-light kiss to Daniela’s cheek. As dearly as you wish to stay behind the curtain, in her arms, you know that the show was inevitable. With one last nod to your beloved, you part the fabric shielding you, stepping into the spotlight. Imaginary crowds grow hushed at your appearance, a sea of faces greeting you warmly. In truth, there are but five members in this audience, each gazing upon you with veiled interest. Donning you best presentation persona, you set this final act in motion. “Lady Dimitrescu, Lady Cassandra, Lady Bela, and Mx. Caldwell, it brings me great pleasure to present to you, on this day, a concert performed by your own Lady Daniela. For three months now I have acted as her instructor, and these three months have been, perhaps, the most rewarding of my entire life. I could not possibly be any more proud of her than I already am. Now, without further ado… let us begin!”

Stepping to the side, a tug of a rope has the curtains parting entirely, revealing your beloved, waiting ready at the piano. All at once your audience (including Cassandra’s partner, acting as a mere servant in the background) sits up with wide smiles. They look Daniela over, taking in the sight of her fanciest dress, and the way her eyes light up with joy. By the time her fingers begin dancing away at the keys, there is not a single ounce of anxiety in your entire soul. This first song is a relic from your past, a representation of an abandoned idea, yet she plays it like a celebration. It’s fast, hits hard, a bold take right out of the gate. Admittedly, it is also somewhat short. Nonetheless, it serves its purpose, igniting a spark of excitement in those present. Once the song ends, Daniela is surprised by the intensity of her family’s applause. In the back of her mind, she trembles with excitement, knowing that the best was yet to come.

Riding this wave of pride, she immediately settles into the next song, something slower but far grander. Affection thrums inside your chest as you watch your pupil perfectly execute another piece. You can only imagine what her mother must be feeling, to see just how far her daughter has come in such a short amount of time. A quick glance in Alcina’s direction reveals the barest hints towards her being impressed. For now that was enough to satisfy you. Soon enough her face would twist in surprise, as the second song ended, and a new face steps up onto the stage: Lady Bela. Wordlessly she retrieves her violin from the back of the stage, then turns to the front with a mischievous smile.

“Now, a duet! Presenting the ever-talented Lady Bela, to join Lady Daniela for a rendition of an original song, dubbed ‘Northern Lights’. Enjoy!” You call out, before once more taking your place at the side. While Daniela did not need you to count her in for her solo performances, this feels ever so slightly more important, and as such you do your best to conduct for the duration of the song. If either of the performers need it, they hide it well. Honestly, you weren’t sure if your girlfriend had looked your way even a single time so far. ‘Twas incredible to witness her. Akin to a siren, near glowing, taking to the stage as if born to grace its center. Even with Bela working her own magic, Daniela is ever the star. Together they weave a lovely song, notes rising high into the air, swirling around an enchanted audience.

When it ends, both performers give a bow, as if the entire affair had come to a close. Without hinting at what was to come, you switch places with the eldest Dimitrescu daughter. A deep breath rattles your ribcage as you find your center, reaching out to take Daniela’s hand, the two of you raising your arms upward in a display of union. For the first time this evening, Lady Alcina narrows her eyes in what feels like disapproval. But you pay her no mind. Instead you sit alongside your beloved, quietly settling into your practiced position.

There is no introduction for this song. No announcement, no showmanship, nor even a countdown into the symphony. Simply, like exhaling a breath, the two of you start to play. Your phrases echo hers, and vice versa, calling and answering, accompanying all the while, natural as anything holy in the wild. ‘Tis the second shortest song of the night, only long enough to showcase the degree of your partnership with Daniela. As the song crescendos into an ending, you manage to meet the gaze of your employer. Perhaps it is merely an illusion of hope, or a reflection of lights above, but you swear you see tears in her eyes.

“Outstanding, incredible,” she praises, rising to her feet alongside her other daughters, clapping all the while. Once again you rise to your feet, hand clasped with Daniela’s, bowing as deeply as you can manage. Before you can even process what’s happening, your girlfriend is being pulled away from you, swept up into the arms of her mother. Desperation digs like a knife into your heart, as you ache to celebrate with her, but you remain ever in the guise of a professional. “You did amazing, my dear. I cannot begin to describe how proud I am.” The family gathers around each other, buzzing with affection fit to make the hardest of hearts melt. You are left on the outside, awkwardly waiting, without a hint of acknowledgment.

Even if this concert was a measure of your skill as a teacher, Lady Dimitrescu had never bothered to consider you more than another servant. This night was about Daniela. About your secret girlfriend, the brightest star in all the skies. That is not something that bothers you, nor does it surprise you. All that makes you wish to weep is the desire to kiss her. To sweep her into your arms, with celebratory kisses, singing her name as a praise to higher powers. In the end, it takes several minutes for Daniela to pull away enough to move back to you, and even then she cannot give you the reaction she yearns for.

“I’ll come by to talk to you tonight, I promise,” she whispers, as she gives you the weakest hug you have ever felt. Then she is returning to her family, clinging to her mother with a massive grin. Soon enough you are left alone on stage, quiet surrounding you, mixed feelings gnawing at the pit of your stomach. Something feels… wrong. You cannot put a name to it. No one has hinted to you what your beloved has planned, for none but her even have a clue. As soon as she is alone with her mother, as soon as she has the smallest sliver of an opportunity, she knows what she must do. “Mother… we need to talk. I... I have a confession to make.”

#daniela dimitrescu x reader #daniela dimitrescu #resident evil: village #re8 village #avaskian caldwell #cliffhanger #sorry folks #not beta read

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amindofstone · 3 years ago

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Match up, No. 9

@starlightbydaybright hat gefragt:

Hello! Saw you were taking match-ups and I was wondering if I could request one. Only done one before for another fandom, and I was wondering who I’d align with for One Piece ^^

I'm an INFP and generally an introvert, finding it difficult to express myself when I'm around people I'm unfamiliar with or just not close to. I can be both quiet and shy; quiet when I have no interest in making good impression on that person (a stranger I'll see once and never again) and shy when I'm genuinely trying to make myself acceptable to them. But, I do trust easily, so it's not hard to get close enough with me that I'll open up about almost everything, so long as they understand have my boundaries (that'll shift depending on how close). I'm also very affectionate with people I'm close with, particularly through physical touch, since I've been pretty touch starved. If you're close friends with me, you can find me constantly looking for a hug, but I can respect boundaries since not everyone enjoys contact.

The situation would be a bit different romance wise, since I’d revert a bit back to my introverted side, but also very affection-seeking at the same time. I say affection seeking as in I’d crave time and activities spent together with them, but I’d be afraid to ask/initiate, at least during the early beginnings of the relationship. I’d be constantly seeking affirmation of their love, and since I’ve never been in a relationship before (but desperately wanted one), they’d be constantly receiving my love too ❤️

While being an introvert in reality, I find it much easier to speak with confidence online. as I actually have time to contemplate what I can say. It's when I'm either with close friends or on the internet, that I can go on passionate endless rants or show my passive aggressive side. I'm usually pacifist, but if something irks me enough, I can and will pitch in snide/sarcastic remark or two, or if it's more serious; I will write out whole sophisticated and well worded paragraph that'd sound all polite with a hidden snarky tone.

I'm pretty much a hopeless romantic, so there's lot of couple things I want to try when I find someone. Back hugs, bridal carry, tickle fights, you name it. While I do enjoy these displays of affection (comes with the happy kind of embarrassment aka. I feel embarrassed that others sees it but I’m happy because I know they’re not doing it out of maliciousness and because they truly love me), small gestures are appreciated too; a gentle squeeze of the hand, a passing smile, etc.

As for hobbies, I enjoy reading, writing, (occasionally) drawing, but most of all; probably singing. I enjoy a wide variety of songs, depending on what mood I'm in, but I particularly like songs about love. Looking for someone to sing the duet love songs with me, doesn't matter how good or bad they are at singing. They can be tone deaf for all I care, it's the thought that matters 😊

I'm very emotionally sensitive, and can both laugh and cry easily. A random stranger online wished me good day? I'll be in good mood for awhile. Watched a 'mildly' sad movie? (Extra emphasis on mildly) I better have new box of tissue on the side just in case. It'd be nice to have someone that can either comfort me or at least tolerate my emotions, so I wouldn't be irking them 😞

I don't really have a type when looking for significant other but being an INFP does make the romance thing complicated. It'd be nice to have someone that's far along on the extroverted side (just not happy go lucky and can be serious) since, despite being introverted, I like to experience new things. I'm just too afraid to try alone and prefer it if someone else recommends it first. Someone to prompt me and nudge me to do something, but won’t take it too far if I really looked uncomfortable. (I’m also a procrastinator so they gotta find out the right ratio between pushing vs. taking it too far 😅) In relationship, I'd value trust and loyalty the most, since both are important in keeping the healthy relationship. If both sides could equally trust and be trusted, then there wouldn't be place for insecurity or fear. This ties in with another part of me being an INFP; I want a relationship that lasts forever. While it's weird to decide how long lasting the love will be early in the relationship, I don't think I can fully commit myself to someone, knowing that it'll end (through the other side falling out of love with me, finding interest in someone else, etc.) (natural causes like death are fine, even though I will still be sad 🥲)

As for appearance, I’m a 5”4 female with slightly wavy black hair that reach nearly to my waist. I don’t think I’m particularly short, but then again, every anime character seems to be straight up giants XD (Man, I was born with the wrong genes) I’m overall very plain, with black hair, brown eyes, but I’ve always been told I had pretty long eyelashes and big bright eyes. Average weight for my height, and flat chested :’)

As for the preference for gender, I’m mainly attracted to guys. I had some (very few) crushes on a small selection of female anime characters, but that were very rare, like 3, compared to my (insert large number) male crushes

Thank you in advance and sorry for how long this is 😔

P.s. I feel like I need to emphasize I’m still an introvert, since the personality I described is only limited to my very small friend group

a/n:

Hey there? How are you doing? Thank you so much for requesting. First off I should be apologizing for making you wait so long. I hope you´re not mad at me but lately there is a lot happening in my life. In my private life but also in my college life. But let´s put that aside and get to your request.

I have to thank you for the detailed info about you because that helped me to choose a match up for you so much. Like I instantly could think of someone. Not only did it help me to match you up with someone but also to come up with a plot. So I came up with this little imagine/hedcanon… I really don´t know what to call my work for the imaginies so I go with work. XD Anyways I really don´t know what to do at this point. Your request and your personality gave me such a good idea for a plot that I tried my best to keep it short because I decided to turn this request and my ideas and thoughts that are flying around in my mind to an actual FANFICTION! AHHHHHHHH. I can´t stop thinking about it. The idea sounds so damn good in my head that it makes me smile like an idiot right now! Uff I can´t wait to find time writing it down. AHAHH, but I fear that I already gave aways so much with this!!!! *pouts Doesn´t matter I´ll do it anyways. AHHHHHHHHHHH Thank you so damn much for requesting!

Anyways! Back to my work now. If there is anything that bothers you or you simply hate please make sure to tell me so I can change it and give you whatever you´d like. Other than that happy reading my dear!

Match up rules can be found HERE.

Warning(s): Maybe grammatical or spelling mistakes since English is my third language and I´m still improving in every aspect (Please have mercy on that.)

!!! Please do not steal my idea or work. Credit me if this is shared or published in any other platform or any other way. Please respect me as the writer and my work. Picture is not mine. Credits to: I sadly don't know. Please tell me of you know so I can give credits. Thank you in advance. !!!

· I decided to pair you up with KILLER

· Like am I the only person that thinks that he is not getting the screen time and appreciation he deserves? Because that is the damn case! ODA GIVE THIS MAN THE LOVE AND APPRECIATION HE DESERVES. And while we´re at it I wouldn´t mind if I would get a bit more of Eustass Kid too… Thank you in advance. <3

· But that’s not the point. Please dear requesting beautiful human being give this man and me, your hopelessly dreamy author a chance. Thank you, I really appreciate. <3

· aNyWaYssssS.

· “y/n? Are you still awake?”, asked the blond man softly. “No worries I won´t make you carry me to bed again.”, you said with a giggle. You couldn´t see his face but you knew that he was smiling. “I don´t mind that you know? I like having you close to me without having to fear to see you hid under the blanket for who knows how long.”, you rolled you eyes and hit his arms. “That only happened because that idiot captain of yours annoyed the hell out of me. That was embarrassing Killer.”, you slowly put one leg over the railing and then the next one. Making sure you don´t fall down the ship. “What happened? Didn´t you drag me out our cabin to watch the stars?”, asked the muscular man who held you close to him while making sure you didn´t fell. “I did but now I´d like to look at something different. Something even more beautiful. Something that gives me warmth and happiness. Something that keeps me alive and always makes sure I am doing fine.”, talking to the blond pirate while sitting at the railing was one of the rare moments you were close to an eye level with him. “You mean my mask?”, asked the man with a tiled head that got you to roll your eyes and hit his chest. “Great you destroyed the sweet moment. I hate you. Make a step back so I can get down. I want to go back to bed and drown in regret of dating you.”, you tried to push him away but he was obviously stronger and threw you over his shoulder. “Of course you hate me. That was also the exact same thing you were moaning a while ago. Let´s go back to bed nerd.”

· As sweet and loving your relationship was now with the pirate it also started like that. Wanna know how? Alright let me get comfortable in my bed and get started. Story TIIMMMEEEE!!!

· An island well known for their universities and scientist. An island full of top ranked doctors.

· Physics, chemistry, biology, astrology was well thaught in the schools of the island. An island well known around the world. An island ruled by a powerful devil fruit user.

· An island in which every civilian had a talent in another field. And you? You sadly had an impressive talent for languages.

· Why sadly you wonder? Well the amount of times you had to run for your dear life because some pirates could come and kidnap you and make you read the poneglyphs is immense.

· Once even the infamous Red haired Shanks came and asked you with the hope to have someone who could read them. But sadly you couldn´t. You told him that you were done with pirates coming for you or your best friends. You regretted learning all of that and hated yourself for that. Shanks and Beckman to whom your were talking to really felt bad for you and claimed the island as their territory after they had a chat with ruler and made a deal.

· That was that saved you and your friends for years and made you happy. You were thankful to the red hair pirates and always treated them with meals and drinks when they came visiting the island. You were happy for 5 years. 5 years until these stupid reckless pirates came.

· And now? Now you hated yourself all over again

· You knew that not every pirate was like the red hair pirates. Nice and respectful. They didn´t kill innocent people and destroyed civilizations only to get some gold and diamonds. But these? These were horrible. Cold and cruel.

· “Someone make this btch talk otherwise I´ll do it by cutting her into pieces only stropping when IT actually starts to answer my god damn questions!”, screamed a tall and guy with red hair.

· You were scared. Tied on a mast on their ship, you feared for your life. Screaming for help was not an option since you were already on the sea since a while now.

· The man that was yelling at you none stop was now holding a blond man with a mask at his collar and growling at him. The man might have a mask on but you somehow had the feeling that he was talking to the man with the red fur coat. “Clear the deck! NOW!!”; yelled the man before he left inside the ship. Slowly every man on deck was leaving you alone. You wanted to ask them were or why the left but you knew that they wouldn´t give you an answer. You were a prisoner. A captive. A pathetic human they took on board. With the last pirate leaving you behind, a door that was located behind the mast you were tied on closed while the need to cry grew inside of you. How long am I here by now? One hour? Two or three? Was anyone missing me back at home? Were they already looking for me? Thoughts that occupied your mind were blurring your vision. You were looking right in front of you but also not. Your eyes were wide open but your vision was back at home. Home were you belonged.

· “Hey. Hey can you hear me? Hey you alright, woman? Hello?”, a man was squatting in front of you and waving with his hands in front of your face. You were deeply lost in your thoughts that you neither heard him coming nor saw him sitting right in front of you.

· But the moment he touched you tight you screamed and got back to reality. “Please don´t touch me. Please don´t hurt me. Please I beg you. Please.”, fear was written all over your face. You saw yourself death with a huge puddle of your blood. “Alright I won´t touch you. It´s just that I´ve been sitting in front of you for 5 minutes now and the only thing you did was breath and say no. Anyways here is something to drink. You´ve been her for four hours now. Half of the time unconscious and the other one either basically mute or in a trance.”, the guy in front of you was the same one who got the mad man to leave and clear the deck. It made you wonder who he was that he had such a power but you didn´t dare to ask. “Here I hold it for you and you drink.”, the glass was put on your lips and you drank. You didn´t knew how thirsty you were until your lungs were wetted by the water. Finished drinking he put a blanket over your legs since the position your were in didn´t allow you to cover yourself properly. And the fact that you were wearing a dress wasn´t helping at all.

· “Alright. You had something to drink I got you a blanket now tell me are you able to talk to me and answer my questions?”, you nodded. “Good. Now listen to me. There is this language that is called Krisanasy. As far as I know there is a tiny amount of people who are able to speak that and you are one of these. Am I right?”, you nodded. “How well are you in it?”, you gulped and looked at the man with the mask “I know the most important basics. I remember basic grammar rules and a good amount of vocabulary but I´m not that good in it. I didn´t worked with anything that included this language since years now.”, the masked man nodded and fully sat down now. “Would you be able to get back in it if you had some books and scripts to work with?”, slowly you understood where this was supposed to lead. You knew that if you said yes they would keep you as their prisoner and make your work for them. And if they had everything they would kill you because there would be no more use for you. But if you said no now and refused to talk to him he would probably also kill you. You were in a dilemma. You didn´t wanted to die but also didn´t wanted to die after you helped them. They were criminals. Feared and hated by the government and any human around the world. You looked down on your lap and let your head fall forward so your long black hair covered your face. “Hey I asked you something. Would you be able to do that?”, his voice was deep and rough but in the same time soft and gentle. That irritated you. it make you realize that him being nice to you now was just a way to get under your skin and make you do whatever they wanted. And then they simply would kill you in the most brutal and cruel way. “Hey, woman. Are you listening?”, you felt helpless. “I don´t want to die. Please let me go. Please. I beg you. Please.”, tears were streaming down you cheeks you couldn´t hold back anymore. He came closer and lifted you face. “Listen here you are a smart woman. Stop crying for fcks sake. If I would be you I would have made these pirates work for me. Use your damn brain and stop crying. Do you really think anyone in here would kill you? Heck no! They need your help. They need your brain because all of them are basically stupid. Like damn I need you to answer all of my questions before my captain with anger issues comes and beats the sht out of me. Now answer me woman. Are you able to get back in it if we got you some scripts to work on?”, you nodded while more tears streamed down you cheeks. You felt pathetic. You felt worthless and used. Helping them would turn you into a criminal too and ruin everything you worked on. Everything the emperor did for you and the island would be wasted. “See wasn’t that hard to answer.”

· The questioning went on for a while you didn´t know for how long but you knew that a long time passed since the sun stared to set. “Alright. Now I give you two options. One, stay here. Tied up on the mast no matter what kind of weather we face. Two you swear to obey me no matter what kind of order I give you and you will be able to sleep on a bed. You will get food and tomorrow you will start working on the scripts we give you. You choose.”, with your head hung lowly you said number two and instantly got released from the chains and handcuffs. He helped you stand up and covered you in the blanket before he led you into his cabin. “Wait here. Sit there and don´t do anything stupid as long as I´m not here. If you do anything stupid I won´t be able to help you. Got it?”, he didn´t even wait until you answered or gave any reaction he simply left and closed the door after him. So you waited while sitting with a lowly hung head. Minutes passed and he came back. “Your clothes are dirty. The bathroom is empty so you can take a bath or shower. Anything you want but I´ll be in the room with you. Because of one I have to make sure no one is coming in and secondly to watch over you and make sure you don´t do anything stupid. Got it. Fine. Take this towel and these clothes. We don´t have any female crewmates so you have to be wearing with my clothes until we dock on another island and you get to buy clothes.”

· The man with the mask took care of you for the rest of the day. He took you to shower and gave you fresh clothes. You had dinner with him alone in the kitchen when no one was around and got back to sleep. And no matter what you did he made sure to keep a respectful distance towards you. Whenever he had to come closer or touch you to take care of your wounds he would warn you. The day kept going like that. Nothing else was said about the following days and the thing they wanted you for. Only necessary things were said that were needed at the moment. And you only gave short replays or only answered with a head movement.

· Slowly the day passed by and the night took over with the moon putting the world alight. You were back in his cabin with him sitting on an armchair and you lying in bed sleeping with one hand tied up on the bed.

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ladyrynofsunnydale · 3 years ago

Text

Bo-Katan Week Day 1 / Childhood/Younger Years

Title: End of One Era, Beginning of Another

Rating: T

Summary: It’s the start of the Great Clan Wars and Bo-Katan and Satine have had to flee Mandalore. While Bo-Katan is willing to fight for her sister, Satine instead wishes to follow their parents’ belief in peace. With their parents dead, they are all the family each other has left. Is that enough to keep them together?

Author’s Note: Day 1 of Bo-Katan Week! I am so excited to be writing fanfiction again, especially about one of my favorite Star Wars characters! For Day 1 I decided to go with the alternate prompt of Childhood/Younger Years. Hope you enjoy! Mando’a translations at the bottom.

Click Here or on Keep Reading for the story!

Tagging: @bokatanweek

Ever since she’d heard the Republic had contacted them about sending Jedi guards, Bo-Katan could not keep still. As an avid student of Mandalorian military history, she knew the history between Mandalore and the Republic and their Jedi. Their war had left Mandalore a wasteland. And now they wanted to send them here to protect them? More likely they wanted to send them here to control Mandalore.

Bo stormed into Satine’s office and dramatically flung herself on one of the chairs.

“Who do they think they are?”

Satine sighed. She was sitting behind a scarred wooden desk, datapads littered around her, with the setting sun warming her back and causing her blonde hair to almost glow. Absentmindedly tugging on her long braid, she glanced up at Bo then struggled to focus back on the datapad in her hand.

“Who’re you talking about Bo?”

“The Republic! Who do they think they are, sending Jedi here?!” The anger was impressive on her ten-year-old face as she scowled at the desk, her arms crossed over her chest.

“They just reached out to us. They’re not sending any Jedi,” Satine answered, closing her eyes to rub her temples. “Just like I told you this morning.”

“But they could! What if they decide to just send the Jedi anyways? Do you know that they put a Jedi regent on Pijal for eight years?! I bet that is what they want to do here.”

“I’m old enough to not need a regent Bo.” Satine was now staring fixedly at the data pad in her hand. “And how did you hear about Pijal anyways? I thought you were supposed to be doing school work?” she glanced up at Bo, her brows pinched together. Bo shrugged, looking down at her lap.

“I did some school work. Then I got bored.”

“Of course you did,” Satine grumbled under her breath. Bo could be an amazing student. She could tell you the most obscure facts about Mandalorian history, tell you who ruled which clan when, but gods forbid you ask her to study something she wasn’t interested in.

“You know,” Bo started, looking up at Satine and sitting up straighter in her chair. “We wouldn’t need aruetii protection if we just stood up for ourselves.”

Satine put the datapad down and gave Bo a severe look.

“We’re trying to show Mandalore a new future, Bo, where everything doesn’t have to be settled by warfare.”

“But Satine!” Bo exclaimed. “They attacked first! This is defense!” Bo had always looked up to her older sister, but she never quite understood her pacifism. Once she’d been old enough to understand, she’d wanted to put on their family’s beskar’gam and take up arms against those who threatened her family. Be a true Mando’ad. She could defend Satine, she knew, even if her sister didn’t want to fight.

“Violence begets violence. It’s not the way.”

“The Protectors have weapons!” Bo said, pointing at the two Protectors currently flanking the office door.

“The Protectors are here to protect us,” Satine responded, exasperation filling her voice.

“Well I don’t need protection,” Bo said confidently. “I’m a verd. Just like Ba’buir.”

“Ba’buir died at thirty during a clan dispute!” Satine finally snapped. “And since then Mom and Buir have worked hard to show Mandalore that violence just gets good people killed!”

The room went silent as Bo went completely still, staring at her sister. Shame passed over Satine’s face.

“Well Mom and Buir are dead. So a fat lot of good that did them,” Bo said, standing up and running for the door.

“Bo!” Satine called, rounding the desk, but Bo was already gone.

“We’ll send someone after her,” one of the Protectors said, and Satine nodded and sank into the chair Bo had just vacated, her head in her hands.

Bo didn’t stop until she’d reached the storage room beside the armory. She found the darkest corner of the room and slid down the wall, hugging her knees to her chest while wiping the back of her hand against her nose and willing herself not to cry. Verda did not cry.

She didn’t know how long she sat there until there was a knock at the door and Fenn Rau stuck his head in.

Fenn was young, maybe a little older than Satine, and Bo really liked him. He was funny and was one of the few Protectors who didn’t treat her like a little girl. He’d even taught her how to shoot a blaster and don armor, behind Satine’s back of course.

“Hello, Bo-Katan,” he said, stepping into the room.

“I’m not going back,” Bo said petulantly, sniffing and wiping at her nose again. She picked up a fallen spare droid part and launched it across the room. “I hate this place!” Fenn walked in and closed the door behind him before coming to sit beside Bo, leaving about an arm’s length between them. “I just want to go home,” Bo said softly, wrapping her arms around her knees.

“I know, verd’ika,” Fenn said gently, leaning his head up against the wall. “I miss home too.”

Fenn pulled something out of one of the pouches on his belt and began messing with it. Bo lifted her head off of her knees and watched him before scooting closer.

“What is that?” she asked.

“A puzzle box. You have to align everything quite right,” he said, twisting the beskar box in his hand around, “and then,” and the box popped open.

“Ooh!” Bo exclaimed, her eyes lighting up. “May I try?”

Fenn nodded, putting the box back together and twisting it a few times before handing it over. Bo eagerly took it and turned it around and around in her hands, looking at every detail, before gingerly twisting it. After a few minutes she pulled at it and…nothing happened.

“Dank farrik,” she grunted and Fenn hid a smile behind his hand.

“Language,” he said.

With her head still bowed over the box she looked up at him from under her sharp red brows.

“Haar’chak,” she deadpanned. Fenn shook his head as she went back at it. She kept at it, all her focus on the tiny box, mumbling to herself when she’d pull at it fruitlessly, until finally he heard the click and when she pulled it opened. She whooped in triumph, her yell reverberating off the walls and Fenn smiled at her proudly. Turning the pieces over in her hands she took the time to examine the inner mechanisms.

“You know, your sister didn’t mean to snap at you,” he said softly. Bo didn’t react for a few minutes, just turning the box around and around in her hands. She then sighed and reached the box back out to him.

“I know. I just…miss them.”

Fenn remained silent, staring at the box in Bo’s small hand. He reached over and closed her hand around it.

“You keep it.” She looked up at him with wide eyes.

“Are you sure?”

He nodded.

“Keep it safe for me.”

Bo kept staring at the box, her eyes narrowed in thought. She then gently placed the box in one of the pouches on her belt and reached into another pouch, pulling out a leaf-shaped piece of metal. She weighed it in her hand, watching the way the light bounced off the beskar, before holding it out to Fenn.

“A trade,” she said. “I’ll keep your box safe if you keep this safe for me.”

Fenn gently reached out and took the offered leaf. Turning it over, he inspected the etchings and detail. He could see Bo-Katan’s work in it, and her initials on the back.

“When did you make this?”

“Before we left the palace. It’ll bring you luck.”

“Are you sure?” Fenn asked, meeting Bo’s eyes. She nodded resolutely. “I promise to keep it safe for you.”

Standing, he offered his hand and she took it and allowed him to pull her to her feet. Side by side they left the storage room and headed down the hall.

Satine and Bo hugged when Fenn brought her back, but Bo didn’t bring up the Republic or the Jedi again.

A week later she stood next to Satine as they waited for Prime Minister Rogaar who’d just landed outside the compound. Her tunic was scratchy and uncomfortable and she kept pulling at it and shifting around. She didn’t know what the big deal was. She’d met Minister Rogaar before.

The compound doors opened and Minister Rogaar, flanked by a couple guards and two of his aides, walked through. He was a large man, older with gray hair and a neatly trimmed beard, with kind light blue eyes. Walking towards them he smiled widely.

“Your grace, it is so good to see you safe,” he boomed and Satine smiled back at him, inclining her head.

“It’s good to see you as well, Minister. I appreciate you coming.”

Sorrow filled the minister’s eyes as he nodded.

“Of course, my dear, of course. And Lady Bo-Katan, it is good to see you again!” he said, turning to Bo-Katan and brightening. Bo inclined her head stiffly.

“Minister.”

Rogaar looked back up at Satine and Bo noticed his smile slipped again.

“I come with some news. Shall we?” Satine nodded and began leading the way to her office when she paused and turned to Fenn, one of the Protectors behind them.

“Rau, do you mind taking Bo-Katan to the library? She has lessons she needs to attend to.”

“What?” Bo exclaimed, and all eyes turned to her. “I’m coming too!”

“No, Bo-Katan, we talked about this.”

“No YOU talked about this. I want to be a part of this too!”

“This is not something you need to concern yourself with. And you have lessons. Mom and Buir would want you to keep up your education.”

Bo opened her mouth to retort but Fenn turned her around and guided her down the hall.

“I’ve got her, your Grace,” he said.

Bo, surprisingly, allowed herself to be guided and just glared at Satine as she walked away.

“I’m sorry about that,” Satine said, leading the way again. “This all has been…tough on her.”

“And not just her, I am sure,” Rogaar said and Satine glanced away.

“It has not been easy.” Satine said and her shoulders sagged.

Bo was quiet at dinner, pushing her food around her plate. She wondered what Satine and Rogaar had been talking about and what was happening down on Mandalore. Did they discuss the Republic’s offer? They were currently discussing the weather on Concordia.

“So, Bo-Katan,” Rogaar suddenly said and Bo looked up. “I’ve heard you enjoy playing dejarik.” Bo’s eyes lit up.

“Yes! It’s the best game! Do you play?”

Rogaar nodded.

“Indeed I do, though it has been a while.”

“Can we play after dinner?” she asked, sitting up straighter in her chair. Rogaar smiled at her and shrugged.

“I’d be willing,” he said, then looked at Satine. Bo quickly turned her attention to Satine too and she smiled and softened her rigid posture.

“But you have to finish your food first,” she said. Bo scarfed down her food and waited impatiently for everyone else to finish before leading the way into one of the sitting rooms where a circular dejarik board was set up in the corner. She wasted no time turning on the table and choosing her characters, Rogaar sitting across from her and choosing his own.

The game started out civilly, Bo trying to determine Rogaar’s strategy, but once she got her pieces where she wanted them she attacked ruthlessly, her face screwed in concentration. Rogaar’s look changed from one of pleasant amusement to one of intense focus as he tried to counter Bo’s increasingly aggressive moves. Satine couldn’t help but smile at how quickly Bo was taking down Rogaar’s pieces and at one point leaned down beside her.

“Hey, hey, go easy on him,” she said quietly. Bo stopped and looked up at her, an unconvinced look on her face.

“I’m ten. He’s the minister of Mandalore. He’s fine.”

Rogaar started laughing, his laughs deep and booming and Satine stood up, shaking her head, though a large smile was on her face. Finally the game was over with Bo having two pieces remaining.

“Well, my lady,” Rogaar said, chuckling and shaking his head. “I don’t believe I have ever been that soundly beaten. You are quite good.”

Bo smiled broadly at the praise then turned to look over her shoulder at Satine.

“Wanna play?”

Satine’s heart soared. Since a week ago when she’d snapped at Bo, Bo’d been standoffish to her. To be honest, she missed her sister’s fire the last few days, but she looked over to Rogaar first.

“Oh, I am quite done. She’s too good for me.” He quickly stood and vacated his seat so Satine could replace him, so she heartily agreed. Both sisters quickly went about picking their characters and Bo grinned devilishly at Satine while Satine smirked back at her.

“Oh, you’re going down Bo,” she said.

The fun game quickly devolved into a competitive sibling war.

“You can’t do that!” Bo shouted as one of Satine’s pieces took out one of Bo’s.

“Yes I can! Look, see!” Satine responded, showing Bo the piece’s stats.

“There’s no way that’s right.”

“Yeah, well, it’s on here, so…”

Bo slammed the controls and moved one of her pieces, countering one of Satine’s and trapped it against one of her other pieces.

“Hey!” Satine shouted as her piece was slammed to the board.

“I can play dirty too!” Bo said, her face screwed in concentration.

Both sisters moved pieces rapidly here, there, clashing them against each other, until Satine had one piece left and Bo’s two descended on it. As Bo’s piece picked it up and slammed it to the board, Bo stood up and let out a war whoop that had one of the Protectors stationed outside poking their head in. Satine laughed.

“Well, I concede Bo. You’ve gotten too good for me.”

Rogaar shook his head, looking over the board and at Bo’s characters’ stats.

“You did better than me!” he said.

“Don’t mess with Kryzes and dejarik, sir,” one of the Protectors said and Rogaar looked over to him.

“You couldn't have told me this before?”

Bo then yawned and Satine looked at the chronometer.

“I think we will be retiring. Thank you for a lovely evening, Minister Rogaar.”

“Good night, your Grace, my lady,” he said before Satine and Bo-Katan departed for their rooms.

Satine had just finished tying off her braid when she heard a soft knock on her door. Padding over and looking through the view hole, she saw Bo and quickly opened the door to reveal her younger sister standing there, dressed for sleep.

“May I come in?” she asked, unusually shy. Satine stepped aside and nodded, worry creasing her eyebrows. Bo stepped in and looked around, her fingers fiddling with the bottom of her sleep shirt, before meeting Satine’s eyes. “I’m sorry for being so difficult this last week,” she said and Satine had to really listen to hear every word. Satine shook her head at her little sister and led her over to her couch and sat her down.

“No, Bo, I’m sorry for snapping at you. I shouldn’t have done that.”

Bo sat there quietly, twisting her fingers in her lap.

“I miss Mom and Buir.”

Satine smiled sadly and pulled Bo into a hug.

“I do too, vod’ika.”

Bo let herself be held then pulled back.

“Can I sleep here tonight?”

“Of course,” Satine responded and led Bo into her room, tucking herself and Bo under the covers. “Ni kar’tayl gar darasuum, Bo.”

“Ni kar’tayl gar darasuum, Satine.”

A week later and Satine was in the study going over possible safe houses with Minister Rogaar when the first explosions went off. At first, she stared dumbly out the window at the blasts of light and explosions that were visible outside. Then she was being dragged to her feet and out the door by her Head of Security, Lars.

“Get her to safety,” he directed to the two Protectors that were outside the door, pulling out his blasters and preparing to block the hallway. Satine felt one of them, Ca’tra, she thought her name was, grab her arm and start to lead her towards the hangar when a sickening thought struck her and she dug her heels in.

“Bo!” she yelled. “She’s in the library!”

Lars traded a glum glance with Rogaar and Satine tried to pull herself free, but Ca’tra held her firmly.

“We have to get you to safety, your grace,” she said.

“I’m not leaving her! Bo!” she screamed futilely, fighting against the Protector. At that moment Fenn ran into the hallway, skidding to a halt, alone. “Rau! Where’s Bo?!”

“It…it was my day off.”

“Carlson is with her,” Lars finally supplied and pulled out his comm. Fenn turned to Satine.

“I’ll go get her,” he said, but Lars stopped him with a hand on his chest.

“Stay with the Duchess. Carlson,” he called into his comm. “Carlson, do you read me?”

There was a beat of silence as everyone stared at the comm.

“Ay sir, I read you. We’re ok here. Bo-Katan and I are headed for the hangar.”

A sigh of relief echoed around the room.

“Jax, Riss, I want you to meet Carlson and help him bring the Lady Bo-Katan safely to the hangar,” Lars added into the comm.

“Copy that, sir,” a female voice replied and Lars turned to Satine.

“We’ll get her there safely. Go your Grace.”

Satine looked hesitantly from Lars to Fenn to Rogaar and finally nodded and let herself be led down the hallway, Rogaar and another Protector following. Fenn hesitated.

“Go with her Rau.”

“But sir,” he started to protest.

“Go. Carlson, Jax, and Riss are more than capable of getting the girl there safely. The Duchess needs you. Now go!”

Fenn nodded and with one last reluctant look towards the library he followed Satine.

The hallways around the library were filled with smoke and the too close sounds of explosions and blasterfire. Bo was letting herself be dragged down the hallway to the hanger, Carlson’s long strides covering much more ground than her small legs ever could. They were turning into the back of the compound when a thought hit her.

“Buir’s beskar’gam!” she shouted, digging her feet in and stopping.

“What?” Carlson whirled on her, confusion clear on his face through the opening in his helmet.

“I can’t leave it,” she said and tried to pull away, but Carlson held fast. Bo grunted and pulled to no avail until she finally reeled back and kicked Carlson in the shin. The shock caused him to drop Bo’s arm and she bolted. Recovering, he ran after her, but he quickly lost her in the smoke. He knew where she was heading and hoped he could cut her off and took another hallway, almost running into Jax and Riss.

“Where’s the girl?” Jax asked as she looked around.

“She took off on me. Pretty sure she’s headed for the armory.”

The three of them began to run in that direction but were met with a face full of blaster fire. They took cover and pulled out their blasters, returning fire.

“We don’t have time for this!” Riss shouted over the noise.

In the armory, Bo was quickly throwing all of her Buir’s armor into a bag. Once done she hefted it over her shoulder and grunted as it banged painfully on her back. It was heavy, but she gritted her teeth and ran. Ahead to her right she could hear blasterfire so she ran to the left, coughing as smoke entered her lungs. She tripped and almost went down but kept running until a dark shape blocked her path and she slid to a halt. An armored unfamiliar Mandalorian stepped out of the smoke and moved towards her. She dropped the bag on the ground and groped inside. Time slowed as the Mandalorian raised his blaster, then Bo raised hers, the one Fenn had taught her how to shoot, and fired, right at the unprotected part of his shoulder. The bolt struck true and he yelled, dropping his blaster and she shot again, hitting him in the leg and he dropped. Bo again picked up her bag and ran around him, not looking back.

Carlson, Jax, and Riss finally dispatched their attackers and arrived, limping in Carlson and Riss’s case, at the armory to find it empty.

“Dank farrik!” Carlson shouted, knocking over a stand and sending its contents flying. The Kryze armor was gone.

“She had to have headed back to the hanger,” Riss said and the three of them took the left hallway towards the other side of the compound. They passed one of the Mandalorian attackers shot and bleeding on the ground and Carlson finished him off.

“Does the Kryze girl have a blaster?” Riss asked as they ran down the hallway.

“Wouldn’t put it past her,” Carlson shouted back, but all three looked up in alarm with the sound of rending steel and the roof caved in on them.

Bo’s lungs were burning as she ran along the hallway away from the blasterfire and explosions. She then heard a large rumbling and screeching of metal behind her and turned to see a wall of dust come from one of the hallways behind. She found herself shaking but pushed herself to move. Rounding a corner, she slid to a stop and threw herself back as she heard helmeted voices up ahead and glimpsed unfamiliar Mandalorian figures round the corner and head up the hallway, the hallway she was about to take. Panic started to take her but she bit the inside of her mouth and looked to the left, to the hallway that led to the garden. Turning that way, she hiked the bag more securely over her shoulder and mapped out in her head the path from the gardens to the hanger.

Satine was beside herself just waiting in the ship. Rogaar’s aides had joined them, but his guards had remained to help the Protectors. It had been at least twenty minutes and Fenn tried to get a hold of Lars, Carlson, anybody, but to no avail. No one answered.

“We have to go back,” she said, heading for the door, but Rogaar stopped her.

“We can’t let you do that, Duchess.”

“She’s my sister!”

“I know.” He looked over her shoulder to where she knew Fenn was standing and nodded his head. She turned and Fenn was checking his blasters and heading for their landing ramp.

“I’ll find her, I promise,” he said, but as he was stepping down onto the ramp, blasterfire emptied into the hanger, pinging off the ship, and he ducked just in time to avoid a bolt headed straight for his head. Backpedaling, he hit the button to raise the ramp.

“We have to take off,” Rogaar said, heading for the cockpit.

“No!” Satine exclaimed, running after him. “We can’t! Please!” Her voice broke and she dropped her gaze away from his pitying look.

“The garden,” Fenn supplied, his face a stony mask. “We could try getting to her through there.”

Rogaar nodded and Satine looked up with hope. He tapped the pilot’s shoulder.

“Take off and try to circle back towards the garden.”

“Yes, sir,” the pilot responded and Fenn came to stand next to Satine. His face was pale and drawn and his fists were clenched as he stared out the front viewport. Satine felt the engines fire up and the ship lift then accelerate forward to the hangar opening. They cleared it and were banking back towards the compound when a huge explosion rocked the ship and propelled it forward, throwing Satine and Rogaar to the ground, Fenn barely keeping his feet. Satine cried in dismay and when she gained her footing she ran for a side viewport and sank to her knees at the sight. The compound, her and Bo’s home for the last month, was gone. She fell forward onto her hands, heaving sobs shaking her shoulders, her voice just a long drawn out wail of pain. She felt a hand on her shoulder and she turned, beating her fists onto the person’s armored chest as they wrapped her in their arms and just held her. Eventually the fight left her and she sagged against their body, her breaths coming in gasps, and she sank into darkness.

Bo had just made it into the garden and was circling one of the decorative metal statues when the compound behind her exploded. She threw herself into the hollow in front of the statue and could see and feel the flames as they split around the metal, red with tinges of blue and white. When she raised her head, her ears were ringing and she could see the garden was littered with debris: pieces of the wall, roof, even furniture. She saw some movement off in the distance and looked to see a ship, their royal ship, growing fainter as it rose then disappeared into the atmosphere.

No, no, no, she repeated to herself, staring at that spot in the sky. Her stomach dropped. They left her. She sank down onto the ground and curled around the bag with her dead Buir’s armor.

Mandalore’s other moon was rising when the ringing in her ears abated and she heard the crunching of boots on the debris around her. She grasped for her blaster and blearily peaked up and saw moonlight glinting off of Mandalorian armor. She fired.

“Osik!” a male voice shouted as the blaster bolt pinged harmlessly against his beskar armor. He pulled his blaster and aimed for Bo before another man came up and pushed his arm down.

“Hold your fire!” he called. Bo, exhausted, let her arm drop. The new man was wearing Mandalorian armor as well, though his was painted blue and black with a cream-colored trident above his T-visor. He looked her over through the helmet then removed it to show a young man with an angular face, bright blue eyes, and almost white blonde hair.

“You’re the younger Kryze girl, aren’t you?” he asked, coming to kneel by her. She didn’t react. “They left you, didn’t they?” She opened her mouth to deny it, then looked off into the distance where the ship had disappeared and dropped her eyes back to the ground. Anger suddenly welled up within her and she lifted her head, her eyes flashing.

“You!” she growled. “You killed my parents! You destroyed my home!” She lifted up her blaster to shoot him, but he was on her in a second, disarming her.

“I can see you are quite unlike your sister, Lady Kryze.”

“You know nothing about my sister,” she growled, spitting at the man. He wiped the spit from his face and laughed.

“You’re right. Only that she and your parents were trying to destroy our culture. Our culture that’s made us who we are for thousands of years.” He looked at the bag beside her. “What’s this?” he asked, pulling it towards him.

“Give it back!” she screeched, launching herself at him, but the other man, the one she’d shot, grabbed her from behind. She screamed and kicked, but he held firm as the other man unzipped the bag and pulled out her Buir’s helmet, emblazoned with the Kryze symbol.

“You are quite unlike your family.” He looked over her shoulder to the man holding her. “Bring her back to camp. Get her some food, water. And watch her.”

“Let me go!” Bo shrieked as he dragged her off into the night. “Satine!”

Satine came to on an unfamiliar cot in an unfamiliar room. She looked around, panicking, and then reality came crashing back down and she curled around herself and the sobs began to wrack her shoulders again. Her sister, her baby sister, who she’d vowed to protect, was gone.

“Your grace,” Fenn Rau’s soft voice broke through her sobs, but she wouldn’t raise her head. Wouldn’t look at him. She felt the cot dip and then felt his hand on her shoulder. “I’m so, so sorry.” Satine only curled tighter around herself and cried harder. Finally, she felt like she ran out of tears and gently pushed herself up. Fenn was sitting beside her, his eyes red and filled with sorrow. He broke eye contact and reached for a mug off to the side. “I thought you could use this.”

Satine gingerly reached out and took the mug from his hands, bringing it under her nose to smell. It was some herbal tea, but she couldn’t tell what. She took a sip and couldn’t really taste much either.

“Thank you,” she croaked. Her throat was raw from crying. The tea helped some.

“Here, I have something else for you,” he said and reached into a pouch on his belt and pulled out a piece of metal. He held it out to her and she gingerly took it. It was a brooch shaped like the leaves of the Concordia tree. “Bo gave that to me a few weeks ago,” he said, and Satine found more tears as they started slipping down her cheeks again. “I think you should have it.”

Satine fingered the piece then turned it over to see the Kryze symbol hammered there along with a B and a K.

“Thank you,” she said, meeting Fenn’s eyes. He nodded and smiled sadly at her and she collapsed against his shoulder, his arms encircling her and holding her as she cried.

Aruetti- outsider

Beskar’gam – armor

Mando’ad – Mandalorian

Verd – warrior

Ba’buir – grandparent

Buir – parent (in this case, father)

Verda – warrior (plural)’

verd’ika – little warrior (fond)

Dank farrik – generic curse word

Haar’chak – damn it

Vod’ika – little sister

Ni kar’tayl gar darasuum – I love you

Osik – shit

#bo katan kryze #bo-katan kryze #bo-katan #bo katan #bo-katan week #bo katan week #fanfiction #star wars #Duchess Satine #satine kryze #fenn rau

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annaofthenorthernlights · 3 years ago

Text

It´s your life

Chapter 3

New world

Kristanna Modern AU

Rating: G

Word counting: 2228

Previous chapters (on AO3)

Note:

I´ve been to Disneyland Paris (Europe) before. Please forgive if there are inadequacies about the resort in CA.

Along this chapter I figured this fanfic takes place around spring 2014. Why? You´ll see…😊

Another note at the end of the chapter.

“You didn´t!”

Anna shrieked with excitement when they turned around the corner, entering the Western-Town-Alley. The imitation of the pioneer-aera town would catapult their guests into the time of cowboys and saloon girls roaming the street. So, the saloon would make the breakfast room, while bank building contained the tourist-information, informing all guests about major events, tickets selling of all sorts and providing material for the trip along the parc. Along the alley there stood little buildings as accommodations from single up to family rooms. At the end of the road there was the “great Casino”, the dining hall. That´s where they would eat shortly, so there was not that much time of wandering about.

The room was clearly expanding the feeling of being thrown back in time. It was situated further down the “towns street”, which was great. Because then one would need to walk all the way along the buildings and exploring the “western flair”.

Anna gnawed on her lower lip as she plunged herself on the wood framed bed, bouncing on the mattress to check its sound and feeling. Okay, it was sturdy, because there was no sound of a squeaky slatted frame.

Kristoff had put down their bags and looked at her amused, sitting down next to her. “You like it?”

“Are you kidding me? I love it. This is so great. Thank you so much considering this type of accommodation.” With that, she perked a kiss to his cheek, laughing and glancing around their nest. It was a simple room, but with a lovely charm to the details of interior and decoration. Nothing fancy, all wooden furniture and a woolen knotted carpet in front of the bed. Not much more. Th bathroom was modern of course, but simple in style, too.

“Glad you do.” Kristoff smiled and lay back for a moment. “I´m still sorry, I can´t give you the exquisite room in the princess hotel… But to be honest, I like it in here quite the more…”

“Stop that!” Anna scolded. “It´s really great, I love it. And I love it even the more, because you do this all for me.” She leaned over and cuddled against his side. Then, she pushed up on her elbow, looking around one more time.

“You know what? This reminds me so much of a story I have recently read on an internet blog site. It´s not a real story, well you know it´s a so-called fanfiction – a story about a story…Never mind, it´s called “Where the world is in the making”, taking place about 150 years ago, pioneer-aera. A young girl from the east coast travels west to marry a young homesteader by advertisement. It´s a hard life but they gradually and slowly start falling in love with each other, without realizing it of course… It´s so romantic and tragic all in one.” Anna laid back into her man´s embrace and sighed. It was good to know, they wouldn´t have to go over to some creek to get some washing…

Kristoff had listened. He was not the reader, but he liked listening to her story telling. He had heard of it before, of women traveling far to get married to some advertising men in the west. That was so crazy. But it was a different time and apparently it had worked. Somehow. Maybe. Who really knew today what they had lived like?

*******

Their table at the Casino restaurant was situated by the window and they had the perfect view onto the street. Anna sat beaming, and glancing around the place in disbelief. She could hardly take it all in, the moment was to blissful to her. She pulled up her shoulders and pressed her lips together.

“I can´t believe we´re sitting here. This is… wonderful. Thank you so much!” She reached over and Kristoff responded by squeezing her hand, smiling. “You´re welcome. Glad you enjoy yourself so immensely.”

A young woman stepped up to their table and pulled them out of their stare. She smiled so naturally and handed the menu. “Hi. I´m Honeymaren and I will be your server tonight. What can I bring you for drinks?”

When the server had left with their orders, Anna leaned back in her chair and tilted her head in thought.

“A penny for your mind.” Kristoff leaned back himself.

“Hm. I was thinking.” Anna fiddled with her fingers. “About that story, that I´ve told you just before. Those times must have been harsh and dangerous, too. I wonder how brave people back then must have been. I mean, they have left their former homes, pursuing a dream to find a golden future in the western realms. They have built new homes, towns, and established communities. Okay I´m not going into the dark chapter of forcing whole folks to move and leaving their land of ancestors. That was the bad history… But they had literally formed a “new world”. Like in that story I read, it was in the making. Are we still “in the making”, or is it all done and settled?”

“That´s a good question. I think we should never be “done” and stop dreaming of a better world. Otherwise, we get lazy and inattentive. That´s dangerous.”

That moment, Honeymaren appeared with their drinks and was ready to get their meal order taken. While Kristoff and Anna still take a quick moment to gaze into their menu cards, the young woman looks back and forth between them, curling her lips. When she´d taken their wishes, she smiled, thanked, and disappeared. Once behind the bar, she hurried to the phone and started to dial a number. “Mathias! Hi. Honeymaren here…”

“I hope Elsa is alright.” Anna bites her lips and looks genuinely concerned. “I mean, it was not nice of me to cut her off like that. It´s not her fault, our family is in that business. Now, she had to deal with excusing me in some way. But then, the time would never be right for this, no?”

“No. It´s not. Whenever you would want to decide for yourself, you´d be the “troublemaker”. But Anna. Again, no matter what happens, I will be there for you. Not telling you what to do, but to support you. Okay?”

Now, her smile was back. “Yes, I know. Thank you. It´s just… Well, I guess that I will get to hear my lot. And I´m sure grandpa won´t put up with my “rebellion” and support me in this. So, I was wondering if I might be even able to finish my exams in the first place. I will have to take it step by step once back home. But that´s okay. I have time, don´t I? Otherwise, I will change plans and do something else. Something useful, that I know I will be good at, somehow. Around normal people, in a normal world.”

“Yes, you will!” Kristoff smiled at her reassuringly.

***

Kristoff held the little gift in his hand, unsure to give it Anna yet… When he had picked her up today, he had not expected the call Anna would get from Elsa. For some reason it had hit him in a spot, he had not realised before. Kristoff loved Anna for so many reasons. Maybe the greatest one was the fact that she loved him so naturally, so unconditionally, even though she was raised in such high standard surroundings.

But then, she had suffered this ugly betrayal, painfully facing the smirked mask of greed, when Hans had dropped her like a cheap cloth to the ground. She had been nothing more than a good trespass into the Rendelle business. Once his chances of career at the well named establishment got shrinking, she had been of no interest or rather use to him anymore. He was gone, faster than he had shown up. She´d been so embarrassed and devastated.

So, when Kristoff had first met her, it had been merely per accident. They had bumped practically into each other on a birthday party, neither of them had been eager to attend. That friend of hers from Senior High had moved on ever since. Kristoff had been invited by Sven, who had been invited by the birthday girl´s boyfriend. Sometimes the world was just small indeed.

Kristoff smiled at the memory of that first so dreadful evening, that at the end turned out to be so warm and wonderful. They had – by fate? – landed sitting next to each other, both kind of uninterested in great talk, while Anna was the one starting the conversation. First on a more polite basis, where at the end, they found themselves wound up discussing all sorts of things, from music, movies, food tastes, cars (well that was more his part, but she had listened and shown great interest best she managed), up to holiday spots worth dreaming about. And when he told her about his passion of working with wood and tools of all kinds, her eyes sparkled with pure and honest interest. He was bewildered at this recognition and asked her about this affection. Anna had smiled and explained, that she loved it when people were excited about what they did or loved. She didn´t know that much about passionate work or hobbies because all she was ever taught was to work hard for the family name and focus on that career. There was not much space left for anything else.

And when he had invited her to come and look at some of his and Sven´s projects, she had eagerly agreed and had never failed to show her pure interest.

Kristoff was positive that Anna would make her way and do a great job, no matter what she would do. If it were to help with guests and provide breakfast for them at his parents boarding house. She would do it enthusiastically and passionately. If she would defend some kid from being accused of robbery or any other unproved mischief, and then getting the best deal sorted out at court – she would be great. He was sure.

But now, he was wondering if his plans would fit her upcoming life. Just today, she had taken the courage to step away from an old life that had kept her in its forceps for so long. Was it fair if he asked her into his world like that? Binding her to him in this way, that maybe meant that she would be kept captive again? She deserved all freedom to herself now.

Kristoff sat on the edge of the bed, turning the little giftbox in his hands, waiting for Anna to emerge from the bathroom. When he heard the shower being turned off, he quickly stored the little box off into the nightstand drawer.

***

A desperate yell from the bathroom, followed by a shower of swearing from Anna´s exaggerated and clearly annoyed and shocked voice startled the young man to jump and hurry over to the bathroom door, just to push it open.

“Goodness, Anna! Are you alright?”

She stood wrapped in the towel, fumbling within her toilet bag, all the while stamping her foot, frowning, and swearing to the bag. Then she looked up, a miserable expression on her face, close to tears.

Kristoff stepped closer, worried she was hurt or in pain or whatsoever. “Hey, honey, what´s the matter?” He didn´t dare touch her while she looked so furious in a way.

Anna let out a heavy sigh, shrugged helplessly, and then held up the accusing delict.

Kristoff studied the little white cotton thing that was swinging in front of his nose and once recognising what it was, he grimaced and withheld the laugh.

Anna blurted out in a wild explosion, “I´m so sorry! It´s terrible, I had forgotten completely about this. It started just this evening. I´m so sorry….” She pleaded frustrated… At some point she had lowered her hand, fumbling with the tampon, annoyed...

Kristoff couldn´t help but laugh inwardly. Yep, that was bad timing, but for sure not her fault. So, he wouldn´t blame her or anything. That was after all a nature´s circle and part of the game.

He shrugged, scratched at the back of his head and sighed.

“Well, that´s too bad, isn´t it. I mean, think of it. Every princess of this resort and her catch ´might have sex tonight, except for us. Not think of what Mickey and Minnie Mouse will be up to…?” He grinned.

Anna stared at him. He was the best. Surely, he would be upset. But then, he was always so considerate when it came to her various conditions. By now, she shook her head in amusement and punched a fist to his upper arm.

“You pervert!” Then, she laughed and gnawed her lower lip. “Dam it! Now, I can´t get the picture out of my head!”

“We can change that.” Kristoff remarked, and pulled her close to him, “I´m sure we figure out some other ways of cherishing our time together.”

Anna frowned again and sighed, “but…!” She gestured to the room. “But… This is sooo amazing, and I screw it up!”

“No. You don´t! This not your fault and it isn´t like we wouldn´t get some other chance, wouldn´t we? Still… I do envy Mr. Cotton a bit, you know.”

That was it. Anna shoved him out of the bathroom playfully scolding him along the way.

*********

Note: The idea of mentioning another fanfic within the fanfic was very spontaneous – including the authors´ consent (WTWIITM – thanks to @upthenorthmountain and @karis-the-fangirl) 😊

#Fanfiction #Frozen fanfic #Kristanna fanfic #Modern AU #mine #fanfic within the fanfic surprise #Anna #Kristoff

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equalseleventhirds · 4 years ago

Text

quick disclaimer before fic: this is not meant to excuse or absolve melanie and georgie of outing jon; what they did was wrong and they should not have done it. instead it is an... examination of a character who is Maybe working some things out but, due to Internalized Issues, is harshly rejecting it both for herself and other people. (i’m aware i wrote something with the exact same FUCKING premise back when i was in the sh*rl*ck fandom dear god don’t read that linked fic it is from a deeply shameful time of fandom i only linked it as proof i did the same thing before. almost like i’m still working through the same stuff via writing fanfiction. hm.) (further discussion on THAT in post-fic notes; i wanted to keep it under the cut for personal reasons.)

furthermore: warning for discussion of sex (but not explicit depictions of sex), characters experiencing aphobia both internalized and not, mention of sexism wrt jobs, characters outing other characters without their consent (more than once, and more than just jon), and mention of consensual but unwanted sex (as in, consent was given, but the consenter did not enjoy it, and consented due to expectations).

- - -

It starts with: “I don’t, I, I usually can’t—Lately. I mean. Lately I can’t.” Melanie shuts her eyes so she won’t have to see Georgie, her hand on the sheets, judgment questions in her eyes. “Since I got—shot. It’s more difficult, is all.”

“Melanie—”

“You can still try,” she says, the words falling too fast, too panicked. “If you want, sometimes other people—and it’s fine! I’m always, it’s fine to try. Sometimes I do. I just might not. You know.”

“You might not orgasm,” Georgie finishes for her. It’s hard to tell how she’s feeling about it—until her fingers brush Melanie’s chin, turning her face up.

Reluctantly, Melanie opens her eyes, and then she’s glad she did. Because Georgie’s smiling, not a mocking smile, gentle. And they said this was just, just casual, just between friends (there’s too much going on with ghosts and the Institute and Georgie’s ex sleeping on her couch when he isn’t being kidnapped for it to be more than that), but Melanie’s glad Georgie is smiling.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Georgie says. She’s sitting up now, not lying almost-not-quite between Melanie’s legs anymore. She looks gorgeous, naked and cross-legged on that horrible mattress with a microfiber sheet wrapped around her shoulders, and Melanie wants to curl up in the sheet with her and eat the leftover pizza from earlier and fall asleep together with grease on their hands.

No. Focus. “It’s okay,” Georgie says again, gentler. “If you can’t right now. If you don’t want to. You certainly gave me a lovely orgasm—”

“—or three—”

“—yes, thank you, and if you’d rather just call it there, I’m not pushing it. As long as you enjoyed yourself.” She frowns, suddenly, glancing down at Melanie’s hands. “You… did enjoy yourself? I hope we didn’t—”

“I did!” She always does, when it’s other people coming, when she gets to be touching warm skin and watching someone fall apart. It’s… nice. “It’s just, you know. I got shot.”

(And isn’t that a convenient excuse, she sneers in her own head, and it sounds like Toni refusing to come back to the team, it sounds like the most sarcastic videos about her breakdown, it sounds like Elias. Isn’t it convenient that now you can blame your little problem on blood flow, or nerve endings, or stress. Never mind that you didn’t have those excuses a year ago. Or two years. Or back when you had a real girlfriend, and you always said yes but she got tired before—)

Georgie tucks a strand of hair behind Melanie’s ear. “Okay, good. If we, you know, try this again sometime? If you’re feeling better? Then I can try.” She stops, licks her lips, watches Melanie’s expression. “Or I can… not try, if you’d still prefer that. Later. You know. If.”

“I’m not—” And she’s rushing again, always rushing, she doesn’t even know if she and Georgie will ever—

“No, I know! It’s fine! But like—Look, this isn’t exactly new for me, you know? If that’s something you want. Something you don’t want. Or I, I’m saying it’s not a problem, if you do or don’t want me to make you come in the future, or even if you don’t want to have sex at all, I mean, when we were dating Jon didn’t—”

That’s where Georgie stops, as if talking about Jon is too much, as if she hasn’t been speaking Melanie’s secret insecurities out loud in bed like it’s something they can talk about, as if all of this hasn’t already been too much and too terrifying already.

Melanie stands up, grabs the comforter as a makeshift cloak (because Georgie has the sheet, and suddenly she isn’t sure she wants to share the sheet with her). “Right.”

“I’m just—I have a friend. Who you might talk to, if you wanted to talk about this.”

She steps away from the bed, towards the door. “Sure. Pizza? I’m hungry.”

The problem is, Melanie doesn’t much like Jon. He was such a dick about the Youtube thing, and about her statement, and about Sasha. And even though she knows (sort of) that part of it hadn’t been his fault, she still isn’t going to talk over her disinterest in sex with him. It’s mortifying. Even if he wasn’t her boss. And Georgie’s ex. And currently out of the Archives, anyway.

But she wants to talk to somebody, about Georgie’s words running around and around and around her head, about the sheer panic mixing with almost-relief and then the visceral no no no churning low in her stomach that had made it a struggle just to choke down her pizza. She wants to ask someone is this normal, am I allowed, is it even enough to be halfway to ‘not at all’ or should I just suck it up. She wants to talk that out desperately.

It’s just… she doesn’t have many friends left, after her whole fall from Youtube ghost hunter grace. She’s not going to ask Georgie about it, any more than Jon, although for pretty much the opposite reason. Who’s left? Her shiny new coworkers? Tim, who seethes and hates everything and everyone in the Archives? Martin, who’s still upset that Jon so much as spoke to her while he was on the run? Basira?

When Melanie met Sasha—the real Sasha, the one apparently no one but her even remembers—she’d been the only woman in the Archives. And Melanie had chatted with her about haunted pubs, and maximizing SEO, and how to talk to people who’d seen a white dog while they were drunk and thought it was a ghost. And about their jobs, of course, which led to both of them scoffing about the sexist bullshit of academia and how someone like Sasha could be just an assistant and the only woman on her team.

And then Elias hired Melanie to replace… the thing that replaced Sasha. Hired another woman to replace the only woman. You learn to see patterns from the kind of person who might say diversity the same way as toilet plunger: something necessary, but distasteful. Melanie was filling a role he needed filled, and she could live with that.

And then Basira.

Who wasn’t there because she wanted to be, of course, but was still there. Was still another woman in the boy’s club of terror they’d apparently signed on for. Could maybe, maybe, be someone Melanie could connect with. Someone she could talk to.

Maybe.

“Do you know if he and Jon ever…?”

“No clue, and not interested!” She’s laughing, about to just dismiss it out of hand, but… maybe. She can feel the questions she never asked Georgie, the words sharpening their claws on the edges of her mind. The no, not me, not allowed sinking in her gut.

“Although…” Make it light. Make it interesting. Make it about someone else. How to hook an audience without having a public breakdown and becoming a— “According to Georgie, Jon… doesn’t.”

It feels wrong as soon as she says it. Like she’s dirty. Like she’s lying. Like a thousand eyes are looking at her, watching her, waiting for more. Make it a story. Engage your audience. Like it’s 2013 in a convention hotel room and Pete just told everyone Don’t worry, Mel likes girls actually, and even though they were all fine about it that moment of sharpshock terror in her throat as they all looked—

“Like, at all?”

The one thing she never learned was how to stop talking. “Yeah.”

“Yeah, that does explain some stuff.”

And that’s… it, really. That does explain some stuff. Jon is a dick, has always been a dick, overfocused on work and not on other people, and that does explain some stuff. Right. Yes. Like her last girlfriend had told her, about all you do is work, I can’t even get you off. An explanation, just like she always knew it would be.

It doesn’t really matter. She has a boss to go kill.

“I think,” she says, slow, like every word is being dragged out of her, “that I might not like. Sex. As much as, you know, people do.”

“You’re a person,” her therapist says, firm, and she has to bite back a sarcastic laugh.

“Right. ‘Course.”

- - -

post-fic notes: i myself personally have previously identified as: heteroromantic gray-ace, heteroromantic ace, aroace, aro gray-ace, aro bi, bi, arospec bi, aro bi again, and aro bi but sex ambivalent. part of that has been natural progression and change; part of that was bcos some people i considered friends got very into aphobic discourse, and i internalized a lot of what they said. in recent months i have been examining my sex ambivalence (sometimes repulsion) and considering what that means about whether or not i am on the ace spectrum. i’m still thinking about these things. i’m still, deep down inside, afraid of the aphobic people i respected and cared about hearing about this.

in part i wrote this to work through some of My Own Shit regarding this. in part i wrote this bcos i will get my grubby little aspec hands (bcos regardless of anything else, i am aspec, whether that’s ace or aro) on every character i can. yes, even the ones who did an objectively shitty thing to jon, the one canonical ace character. bcos sometimes people (like me) internalize things and make mistakes.

#absolutely not beta'd or britpicked or even edited much #i needed to get this out and now it's late but i'm WORKING THROUGH SOME STUFF #uhhhh ambiguous ending about melanie's like! decisions! identity! feelings!#ambiguous if she or georgie EVER talk to JON #nothing is resolved! nothing is fucking good and light and happy! it's all MESSY #it's also so long i'm so sorry but melanie spent a lot of time looking at georgie and then a lot in emotional turmoil so like #what can ya do.#anyway. fuck it. posting a thing.#fanfiction #algie writes things #the magnus archives #hopefully i have rambled long enough this doesn't get maintagged sry if it does ignore me i needed this for ME #and i guess like. i do want other ppl to read it. but i do not want to maintag it. u kno how it is.#NOW WITH EDITING

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onihitokuchi · 3 years ago

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Rubrum - A Kakashi Hatake Fanfiction

Author´s note:

This is the first ever fanfiction I have published/will publish. I have written some before, but either deleted them or abondend them so this is your fair warning. It will take me a long time to finish what I have in my mind right now (everything is already planned out but it is still waiting to get written), so please bear with me. Also, I will put the trigger-warnings, regarding each chapter, at the top of the post, BUT this is a warning: it will be a mostly rather gruesome fanfiction containing some questionable content and English is not my mother language so please don´t mind the wrong grammar and vocable-issues. The following chapter is more an introduction, to get you all interested, than a `first chapter`.

Without further ado; welcome to my hell.

(Second A/N at the bottom of the post)

(I don´t own Naruto nor the characters in this story except for my own characters.)

Words: 1,347

TW: Blood, mentions of violence, mentions of self-harm

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Chapter 0 - Scarlet

Bolts of lightning charged the evening sky, illuminating Konohagakure. The rumble of the thunder not taking long to follow. And as the rain started to fall from the sky, the citizens scrambled around the streets in search for shelter.

Soon the streets were empty, shops closed, windows and doors shut and secluded. It seemed like nobody would be found outside their warm and loving homes at this time, but in the distance two shinobis could be seen; leaping from roof to roof.

"Kakashi, don´t rush." The voice of the other man almost not audible. "Everything will be fine." Gai tried his best to reassure his friend, but his words went to deaf ears.

It was hard for him now, to keep up with the Copy-Nin. He had told him earlier about the bad feeling he had regarding their fellow shinobi, but the Green Beast of Konoha repeatedly spoke to him words of encouragement, trying to have him sit still and leave her alone for the time-being.

As both came closer to their destination, and the building came into vision, the grey-haired Shinobi´s pace turned even faster, the other buildings in the corners of his eye blurring. Kakashi drowned out the incomprehensible pleas coming from the Shinobi behind him, as his vision became tunneled, only focused on the apartment that was now almost in front of the two ninjas.

Gai only reached Kakashi´s side, as the latter came to a full stop at the stairs of the grey apartment-complex. A comforting hand landed on his shoulder, Gai starting again to tell him that he shouldn´t always listen to his gut-feeling, that it is possible that in the end everything was fine and that Kakashi rushed all this way for nothing but for an angry Shinobi opening the door for them. But still, he wouldn´t listen.

He shook the hand off of his shoulder, turned his head slightly, eyeing his friend. "When did you see her the last time, hm?" He asked in a low voice. He didn´t gave Gai a chance to answer his question. "If you don´t want to help, then I suggest you to leave."

Kakashi waited for the man standing behind him to leave, or to protest, but to his surprise, Gai stepped next to him.

"You should go alone, I don´t want to upset her even more when she sees that we both came to disturb her." His hand again, coming up to Kakashi´s shoulder and squeezing it slightly, he gave him a bright smile, "If you need help with anything, just call. I will wait here." With that, he stepped to the side, taking shelter from the rain under the staircase.

With one jump, the ninja quickly ascended the building to land on the stairs of the second level. He rushed past two other apartments, not acknowledging the lights turning on in one of them, trying to see who would disrupt so late in the day.

Kakashi halted in front of the door of the fellow Shinobi, his fist hovering in front of the door - mid-knock. His dark eye fixated on the golden painted `13 b` as his mind went spiraling. The sickening smell of metal went right up his nose, his brain reeling through every possible scene that he could find behind these closed doors.

Within seconds, he had kicked the door in with a loud crack, the hinges oddly hanging out of the door frame. Absently, he lifted his ninja-headband up - the red eye opening - frantically searching for a source of the familiar chakra.

The ninja didn´t bother to remove his shoes as he rushed through the entrance, one of his gloved hands twitched above his kunai pouch. There was no trace of the woman´s chakra around, he couldn´t see nor feel it. Silently, he prayed to kami that the lack of the familiar chakra was due to the fact that she wasn´t even in her apartment.

But as his vision fell to the open door to the bedroom where a lower body could be made out laying on the ground, his heart fell.

He wasn´t prepared for the scene he would be a witness in, his mind had given him flashes of images of her laying on the ground with a katana or kunai stuck in her stomach, her heart ripped out and blood pouring out of the middle of her chest, but he has not expected this.

There she laid in her own blood - not as expected pouring out of her upper body - in front of her unmade bed. The grey rug that normally hid most of the floor, was sitting messily rolled up in the corner of the room.

In it´s place, where the rug normally laid, was a circle - painted red - on the floor with runes dancing around it. Kakashi couldn´t care less about that circle, but the woman laying in the middle on it - with a kunai shoved through her left lower arm, crimson exiting the wound.

As he rushed to her, carefully stepping over her unmoving body, he pushed the voice telling him in his head `that she did it herself` to the back of his mind. This thought is not concerning for him right now. But what was concerning to him, was getting her to someone that could help her, as fast as he could.

The ninja cringed to himself at the almost nonexistent weight of the girl in his arms as he scooped her up. It reminded him of the many other situations he had to carry a person; if knocked out or dead didn´t matter. He hated this feeling.

His gloved hand carefully grabbing the unconscious ninja`s wounded arm and letting it sit on her chest, trying his best to not irritate the wound even more and watching out that the kunai would stay in her arm as it did before.

Silver brows furrowing together as he looked at her face for the first time since entering; her closed eyes were shadowed with dark circles, her lips were chapped and started to look blueish.

`You have to hurry, she is loosing blood.` He snapped out of his trance, mentally slapping himself for lounging around in a situation like this. But just as he was about to leave this mess behind him, he halted and turned his head around.

Something reflected as he looked around the room one more time, his eyes falling on a small object laying on the ground, more precise - in the exact middle of that red circle on the ground.

The eyes of the man flickered with recognition as he looked at the silver ring, red in the middle.

"Scarlet." He mumbled, walking over to the ring, crouching down and picking it up to secure it in one of his pockets on his vest.

With not other goal as to rush to the hospital, he went out of the apartment again, out of the door-less door frame, and jumping over the railing to descent to the ground.

Guy was already on his way to cross the distance between him and his fellow. "What happened?", he muttered, his thick eyebrows furrowed in distress. Only as he stepped closer to Kakashi and the girl in his arms was he able to see all the blood coming from the stab-wound. Guy´s face turning into a not often seen scowl. "Who did this to her?!"

Kakashi sighed, he looked at her lifeless face again, only to be reminded of the urgency to get her help.

Without answering the question hanging in the air, Kakashi started to walk back to the direction they originally came from, and looked over his shoulder. "Guy, we need to hurry. She needs to go to the hospital."

Both ninjas held eye contact for a few seconds, Guy nodded at him. "Okay, then let´s rush." And with that, the two ninjas were leaping over the rooftops again, the same route they came from, back to the city centre with a new destination in mind and a third person accompanying them.

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Additional Author´s note:

When I searched for Kakashi Fanfiction I mostly found rather, how do I say it, boring (?) Fanfiction. Don´t understand me wrong, there are a lot of people who like them, and there are also a lot of Fanfictions that are really good, but most of them are not finished or really confusing. I always had this idea in mind, this kind of gruesome, sad and angsty story for my MC and I could not find anything that would satisfy my mind. So, as everybody says: write what you want to read.

I would appreaciate criticism (good and bad), and if you have any advice for formating or writing please share it with me. And of course, if you have any questions, please ask!

I don´t know when the next chapter will be up, but I hope it will not take that long.

So, see you later!

#naruto #naruto fanfiction #kakashi hatake #kakashi hatake fanfiction #itachi uchiha #hatake kakashi #hatake kakashi fanfiction #kakashi hatake fanfic #kakashi fanfiction #kakashi x mc #kakashi x oc

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freyjasamael · 5 years ago

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Musicals and the Avengers (Avengers x Stark!Reader) (Teen!Reader)

Summary: After the death of your mom, Tony Stark has taken you into his arms. He doesn´t have a clue about your upcoming musical, in which you play a leading role. Maybe it hits too close to home.

A/N: So this is my very first fanfiction. I had this idea and just decided to write it. And I was happy with the outcome, so I thought why not share it? Please leave criticism! I hope you enjoy it!

Word count: 3.8 K

Tony Stark isn’t a family man. No one tried to deny this. But he certainly tries very hard.

You didn’t know Tony long. Hell, you didn’t even know he was your father till 6 months ago! No one knew. Your mom died back then. It all felt like a weird nightmare. Shocked couldn’t describe your state after you found out. You were like a zombie. The only answers you gave were a bold “yes” or “no”.

You first thought that you would go to an orphanage but after some research from some officers they found out that your father was your next guardian. You never met him.

The loud riff of an AC/DC song could be heard all over the lab. If you were to walk around you wouldn’t even hear your footsteps. You probably wouldn’t even hear an explosion over the noise. But suddenly it was just some harsh notes in the background as it went almost quiet.

“FRIDAY what did I tell you about turning my music down?”

“Sir, you have an incoming call from the NYPD. It seemed urgent enough to turn your music down."

The loud click of the wrench Tony was holding accompanied the sight that was leaving his mouth. With frowning sleep-deprived eyes he looked at the ceiling. "Okay put them through"

"Mr. Stark?"

"This better be important officer? Detective?"

”-Officer Hernandez Sir.“

"Yeah right be quick."

"You are the next guardian of Y/F/N Y/M/N Y/L/N. Her mom died and she entered your information as the father of the kid. I suggest you come and ugh- take your kid?"

"mY WHAT NOW? FRIDAY check that please” Confusion couldn’t describe Tony´s face.

“Sir, the information provided is real”

With your eyes cast down, you walk through the halls of hell. School.

“Hey Y/N you have Biology next right?” Peter looks as tired as you feel. He was behind a history essay and had to pull an all-nighter.

“Yeah why are you asking? You are in the same biology class?” A visibly confused look washes over your face.

“Well about that-” He suddenly scratches the back of his neck. He always does that when he wants to ask a favor.

“You can copy my homework-"

"Oh really thanks Y/N! You are an ANGEL!” His mood shifts instantly. You are used to it. Peter is your only friend to whom you feel comfortable talking and just because he copy´s your homework sometimes doesn’t mean he´s a bad friend. Everyone has their problems.

He knows that you always have your homework done. Tony was very strict about school. It is annoying -yes- but after you moved in with Tony it also gave you a feeling of stability after the incident with your mom. He kept you busy -and still does-.

“No problem Peter. You probably would have done your homework if it weren’t for the history essay.” A quiet chuckle escaped your mouth. “But you know you could have asked Mr. Rogers or Mr. Barnes, I mean… They liv-"

"They lived in that time yeah I know okay? But I wanted to finish the death star with ned and I just couldn’t wait okay?"

"Are you saying that Lego is more important than school?” MJ appears out of thin air behind Peter. Like always Peter shrieks like a girl but then shuts up very quickly.

“JEEZ- MJ what did I say about sneaking up on me?” Peter is clutching his heart with a slightly panicked but amused expression.

“What? you don’t have your diapers on?” Now both you and MJ laughed full on.

“Ha ha just because I wanted to try something ONE TIME!” MJ is still laughing as Peter tries to explain himself.

“We should probably get going right, Peter?” Peter shoots you a glare which doesn’t last long because he instantly warms up again.

“Okay you lead the way Mrs. Deetz” He bowed and made room for you to walk.

“Really funny. Just because I have a leading role doesn’t mean I´m automatically arrogant Peter… Anyway, bye MJ see you later!"

"See ya!” With a now neutral face, MJ turned around and started walking to her class.

“Uhm Y/N I know I shouldn’t care but, uhmmm when are you… you know?” And here it comes. Peter asks you about this since you got the leading role.

“Going to tell Tony that I´m playing in the school musical? Nuh-uh Peter not gonna happen.” Peter suddenly looks at you with a pitiful expression.

You know that he just wants to help. But you don’t want Tony to find out. You know that he´s going to be disappointed because you lied to him. All Tony knows is that you stay longer at school because you are in the robotic´s club.

And you don’t want him to know that you’ve been lying to him. He probably wouldn’t have approved of your club activities if you said that you wanted to join the theater club. Well, you don’t know Tony that long anyway. So you weren’t sure what his reaction would be.

You try to keep a low profile at the tower and around the others. It’s not like you don’t like the other avengers. But it seems weird. It doesn’t feel right either. Since the beginning, you always had your doubts about why they were so nice to you. Why would they want to befriend a teenage girl? You kept your distance. Sometimes you asked homework questions, which they were always happy to answer, but you never had a long-lasting conversation that wasn’t about homework.

Tony always tried to talk to you. He was annoying sometimes. But you don’t want to blame him for that. He tries his best, which is certainly not very helpful but he tries. One day he bought you a brand new custom made Mercedes. It was a nice gesture but he didn’t even know that you didn´t have a driver’s license.

After you’ve crushed his bubble he -of course- sent you away to get your driver’s license. You have to admit it though, the test drives with Sam and Bucky had been very amusing. If you ignored the fact that you almost crashed the car while they were arguing who of them should instruct you.

After that, you went to practice your driving with Steve. He was much calmer. Which also calmed you. The practice drive was also very soothing because Steve told you stories about his old life. You were probably not focused on the road but it helped you relax.

You suddenly snapped out of your thoughts and look at Peter. “No. And it stays that way. Just stop Parker okay” The sudden shift in your mood isn’t unnoticed by Peter, so he just goes quiet and sits down.

After a long day of rehearsals, you just want to go to sleep. Especially because it was Monday. Monday sucks.

Urgh I still have homework Your mood is suddenly more on edge because you still have to do your homework. You just want to go to sleep.

The school musical is next week and you have to be in perfect form for it, as you don’t want to disappoint your teachers. You still have to come up with an excuse as to why you are going to be home late on the weekend. The school has 3 shows planned on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. But you have a plan.

“How was school?” Steve asks you with a friendly smile as you pass him in the hallway.

Your steps fasten but you grumble out a quiet “okay” before closing your door loudly.

Sam, who was now also standing in the hallway just chuckled “She doesn’t seem very happy"

"When does she?” Steve´s mood suddenly shifts. He would never understand why you just don’t want to talk to any of them. But he does understand that you need your time, especially after the incident with your mom.

The day you came to the tower you were very pissed. He remembers that day very clearly (for a man of his age).

Your eyes were all red and puffy. But there was something that was crushing his heart. The way you looked at everyone, even if it was just for a split second. It was dumb, but you reminded him of Bucky. Not in a nostalgic way but in a pitiful way.

“Man you just gotta give her Time. She opens up when she wants to. If we push her she just pushes us away further.” Sam is quite enthusiastic at that point. But it doesn’t surprise Steve. Sam helped him too.

“I know… I know.” Steve goes into the kitchen/common room with Sam on his tails.

The kitchen is a sight to behold. It has beautiful Italian marble counters with modern white cupboards. It looks modern and sleek. The Oven is something completely different. For Steve, it looks like Alien technology. He is lucky that he could even figure out the coffee machine. (Which took a couple of weeks)

Clint is standing at the coffee machine with his pot (Yes he has a whole pot. Because he always said that the mugs in the kitchen were ´like espresso cups´ to him.) while Wanda is sitting at one of the barstools opposite of him with her phone in one hand.

“All I´m saying is that Nat wouldn’t even question it."

"What’s going on here? Are you onto something Clint?” Sam is always one for pranks.

“Nooo why?” Clint raises his brows as he takes a sip from his Pot. Steve just gives him a questioning look in return.

“Anyway, what’s for dinner?” Steve is always hungry. As is Bucky. Supersoldiers just don’t seem to get full enough.

The sound of talking could be heard from the kitchen. Tony and Bruce are talking about some science stuff again.

“Anyway, I´m hungry what about you guys?” Tony is clapping in his hands as he turns to the rest of the Avengers like a teacher would turn to his class.

“I don´t know I wondered the same actually.” Wanda is now engrossed in her phone as she responds. A thought crosses Tony’s mind because you can actually see when he has an idea.

“Okay, how bout´ chinese? If that´s healthy enough for capsicle of course.” Tony doesn’t shy away to roll his eyes.

“If you keep rolling your eyes they will get stuck, Tony. I don´t mind chinese.” The sentence was faster out of Steve’s mouth than he anticipated. He just hopes Tony doesn’t leave another sarcastic remark. But Tony never grows tired of making fun of his age. Tony opens his mouth slowly while looking at Steve.

Here we go, Steve, thinks.

“Chinese it is then! FRIDAY the usual order please."

"Oh wow, I really thought you were gonna say something different to Steve” Sam snorts in amusement. Tonys’ eyes get a glimmer.

“Nah I guess I´m too hungry to make fun of Mr. Rappin´-with-Cap” Tony is quick with his remark.

Clint is quick to move over the sink as he spits out the coffee he was just taking a sip of. The common room was hollering with laughter. Sam was clutching his stomach as Steve just rolls his eyes.

“iF yOU kEeP ROlLinG yoUr EyeS tHeY WiLL gEt StUCk” Tony always has to top it off. Steve was used to his banter, especially because Tony isn’t the nicest if he doesn’t sleep

“Yeah yeah whatever makes you happy Tony”

Dinner is always awkward. Since you´ve come here they always tried to talk to you. Whether it was about school or friends you weren’t really talkative.

After two weeks they eventually stopped. They talk about missions and funny stories. Sometimes they would still ask you stuff, just so you wouldn’t feel like an outcast.

You never said anything on your own, so when you asked something they all went quiet and looked at each other as if they just saw a ghost.

“So uhm Tony I wanted to ask you if I could go to a sleepover this weekend? It would be from Friday evening to Monday. I´ll take my school stuff with me so that I can go straight to school.” Your quiet voice cut through the conversation. Every set of eyes were set on Tony.

His fork is still halfway in his mouth. He slowly sets it down and looks at you with a questioning look. He can be strict but you never asked him something like that. He is quite perplexed before he just slides in his relaxed demeanor.

“Uh sure if you have your homework all done.” He ignores the sharp glares from his teammates.

Oh Fuck You thought. If you have to finish your homework you would be sitting till 9 PM. You always finish your homework at around 9 PM.

“Come on Tony she never asked for something before be more chill” Natasha was being the cool aunt as always. You like her even more now. She just looks at you and gives you a quick wink.

Thank God someone with common sense The table seemed to grow out of its frozen spell. Now everyone was eating like before.

“Yeah Tony let the girl go out. School sucks anyways” Sam is now happily supporting you.

Tony looks a little sad but quickly changes into his strict persona

“Nuh-Uh no homework done no sleepover Y/N.” You just look at him for a second and then get up.

You mutter a quick “Fine” before disappearing into the hallway. The whole table just looks at Tony as he eats.

“What?"

"Really, Tony? She asks for one thing and then you are still being like this?” Steve just shakes his head.

Bucky nods and says “Even my ma´ let me go to friends. Even though I was failing English.”

Sam is quietly laughing and just pushes out “When was that 1930?” before he can’t hold himself from laughing. Tony chuckles along.

“Ugh shut up birdbrain” Bucky grumbles under his breath. Natasha just looks at Tony with a fierce stare.

“Okay, okay she can go to the sleepover.” He just stands up and starts walking to your room. “Why must I live with assassins?”

As you are working on your homework you hear a knock at your door. You can think of who is on the other side of the door. Either Natasha or Steve to cheer you up. They always try to make you feel better when Tony had another strict parent moment.

“Come in” Without looking up from your homework you hear the door open and close. Normally they would try to talk to you, and then give up after 5 minutes.

“You can go to the sleepover even if you haven’t done your homework” The voice of Tony surprised you. So you slowly start to turn around to face him. Confusion is written all over your face.

“I´m sorry that uhm… I´m so strict… Yeah… I guess that’s it."

Wait he actually apologizes? What is happening? It seems that your face grew even more confused because now he is grinning. He slowly starts to walk towards your door.

Am I supposed to say something? I mean it can’t hurt, right? A small "thank you” can be heard as he is halfway through the door. He just smiles and closes the door.

Wow okay, I guess he isn’t too bad… And you return to finish the last page of your English homework for today.

Thursday. You actually like Thursday the most. It´s your most relaxed day of the week. But today you don’t like Thursday.

Everyone is panicking and no one is relaxed. Of course, they are stressed, tomorrow is the first day of the show. You are surprisingly relaxed even though you never sang in front of an audience. The rehearsals were again taking all day. You normally come to the Tower around 6 to 7 PM. But right now it was 7 PM and you won’t finish up until 10 PM. You take your phone out and text Peter that rehearsal takes longer. He was always at the tower on Thursday. He had to keep the ´intern´ play up and real. Peter always had your back. But Peter had a plan.

The dining table was stocked with all types of superheroes sitting at it. The stew is being brought in by Vision. There are eyes ogling it.

“Has anyone seen Y/N?” Vision asks as he puts down the stew.

A couple of no´s can be heard around the table. Vision looks around and his eyes set on Peter who is visibly uncomfortable while looking at his phone.

“Peter?” He asks the boy.

“Huh?” Not even acknowledging Vision’s first questions he looks engrossed in his phone.

“Have you seen Y/N today, Peter?” Vision is asking him again, louder this time. Now he has Peter´s attention because he hurriedly puts away his phone and looks around the table.

“Uh her robotic´s club takes longer she said it´ll be around 10 PM until she comes home."

"What?” A frowning Tony now looks at him “Why would a robotic´s club take till´ 10 PM?!"

Peter´s eyes widen and he starts to panic. "I- Mr. Stark I don’t know I- I´m just- She just- Urgh"

"Peter calm down, why are you so nervous?” Clint is now paying attention.

“I- I´m not nervous Mr. Eye- Mr. Clint I- Okay… Uhmmm….” Peter is thinking. Hard. Everyone could see that he wants to say something.

Sam is getting impatient. He just wants to eat "Just spit it out juice boy" The whole table is now looking at him.

“I- Okay I can’t say much.” Tony´s brows shoot upwards. “Okay then tell us what you can"

"You should see this for yourself I don’t want to be a snitch. Just come to the school tomorrow at 8 PM. Please don´t ask.” Peter calms down but they know that he won´t give any more information.

“Okay, I guess we can do that. Right folks?” Tony just looked around at the table.

They all look confused but eventually, Wanda said “It´s like a team excursion” Sam and Bucky both groan at the same time. Steve just shoots them a glare

“Yeah but I hope some people can get their shit together."

The whole table shouts "Language!” without skipping a beat.

“So can we eat now?” Sam has his hands on the stew already.

You look at yourself in the mirror. The makeup is on point and the costume is looking good. The black dress and black wig let you look gothy and emo. Your heart rate goes up as you hear your teacher shout “5 MINUTES GUYS!"

You try a calming method that Bruce once taught you. It always helps, no matter how stressed you are.

Why wouldn’t it work? He literally turns into a green angry thing if he doesn’t calm down. Breathe Y/N just breathe. It´s gonna be okay.

On the other side of the curtain, the Avengers sit in their chairs. All visibly confused under their ´disguises´. Peter sits next to Tony. Tony just looks confused at him.

"I swear its gonna make sense.” Peter seemed nervous.

But why? Tony thought.

The principal is at the microphone “Good evening everyone. Thank you for coming to our yearly school musical show. This musical was put together by talented our theater club and the members of our school band. I proudly present ´Beetlejuice: The Musical´"

Everyone was visibly confused.

Steve, who sat next to Tony, just turned and said "So this still is about Y/N right?” Tony just looked at Steve and shrugged as the first notes of the Show are starting.

The scene of a casket and black-dressed people are moving. The kid who plays the pastor speaks.

“In times like these, we have no words. We have only each other.

Today we come together to mourn the passing of Emily Deetz;

devoted wife of Charles, beloved mother to Lydia. Scripture tells

us, “Sorrow not, for we do not walk alone.”

Wait Tony is looking closely at one of the black-dressed people on the stage.

“You’re invisible when you’re sad"

If you have good ears you can even hear some of the gasps of the Avengers. You don’t have good ears.

"Clocks tick and phones still ring

The world carries on like mad

But nobody sees a thing”

For the first time ever, Tony was genuinely surprised. His daughter could sing? And so good too? Why had you never talked about your show?

“Whispering behind their hands"

Tony is proud. So proud.

"Lost for kind words to say

Nobody understands

And everyone goes away"

And it hits him. He listens. And he is proud to listen.

Grownups wanna fix things

When they can’t it only fills them with shame"

Has he done something wrong?

"So they just look away

Is it being greedy to need somebody to see me

And say my name?"

Oh, Fuck He thought

It’s going good You thought after the prologue. You hadn’t even acknowledged the audience. Now your part is coming up again.

"Hey Mom, dead Mom”

It´s going great Y/N just keep going. You can do this.

“Dead Mom

I’m tired of tryin’ to iron out my creases

I’m a bunch of broken pieces

It was you who made me whole

Every day Dad’s starin’ at me

Like all, "Hurry up, get happy

Move along

Forget about your mom"

You suddenly sense all eyes on you. It´s coming down like you were shot. But you keep going. But you keep yourself together for the rest of the solo.

"Whatever it takes to make him say your name

Dead Mom"

Now you look around the audience. Nothing too weird.

Wait a damn minute You think you saw someone, but you quickly brush it off as you go off the stage.

While you were starting to sing your duet with Beetlejuice the Avengers are in trance by your voice. No one heard you sing before. They are absolutely smitten by your performance.

"You’re so smart

A stand-up bro"

But they can see that your face falls for a second. You calmly scan their row and look at all of them while still singing. You continue your performance.

"Teach dad a lesson

He’s gonna freak when we possess him"

You were grinning a little as your favorite part comes up. But you quickly go back into character. The part comes and you look at Tony. He looks surprised, which doesn’t affect your calmness.

"So, he wants the perfect daughter

I’ll lead that lamb to slaughter"

A fire goes off in your eyes as you sing the lyrics while directly staring at Tony. He just gulps as you end the song.

Steve just looks at Tony and straight-up says "Good luck pal."

Maybe I´m too harsh…

As you go up the stage again you promise yourself not to be so hard on Tony.

At least he tries. You think

----

Thank you so much for reading! Please leave criticism or any comments!

#avengers x teen!reader #avengers #fanfic #fanfiction #teen!reader #reader interactive #tony stark #steve rogers #musical #avengers x stark!reader #stark!reader #avengers x reader #platonic avengers #tony stark x daughter!reader

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housamo-side-blog-2 · 4 years ago

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April Fools Part 2

HAHAHAHAHAHAH APRIL FOOLS !!!! WELL SOME OF YOU ALREADY KNOW THIS IS A TRICK BUT IT WAS SUPER TEMPTING WELL HERE IT IS PART 2.

[SUMMONERS SAFEHOUSE}

You and the summoners went to your guild which you don”t remember,this is your first time seeing it since you have amnesia,you stepped inside only to find that its really spacious and there appears to be a creature of unknown fluffiness and curl that seems to be in the middle of cleaning.

Agyo:Hello everyone great to see you all!!!

You were increadibly shocked to see how cute and adorable the puppy like transient is,

Harumo:*SPARKLING EYES* OMG!!!HE”s SO CUTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!.

With burst of energy and cuteness you gradually leap towards him to give a good cuddle and stuffing your face to his fluffy fur.

Agyo:AHHHHHHH!!! WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH YOU HARUMO!!!!.

Harumo:*FACE STILL IN FUR*YOU ARE SHOOORR CUTEEEEEEE!!!

Agyo:HEY CUT THAT OUT!!, YOU KNOW HOW I HATE BEING TREATED LIKE A CHILD!!!.

Agyo seems to be embarrased about it and he”s face is starting to turn red from the ordeal,With you still cuddling Agyo,Shiro now explains the situation to Agyo about you having amnesia,and.

Agyo:WHAT!!!, YOU LOST YOU MEMORIES?!

Ryota:Yeah,we could”t believe it either,but it seems like Harumo really lost he”s memories again.

Agyo:OHh man,that really sad,.....THERE THERE Harumo.

Harumo:YOU ARE SO ADORABLE !!

Agyo:*flabbergasted* COULD YOU STOP SAYING THAT,!!! ITS REALLY EMBARASSING.

Shiro:*clears throat* ahem,could we start we start the guild meeting right now?.

Harumo: Lead the way !!

And the guild meeting is now discussing how to help you remember your lost memories and figuring out places to start in your mission to retrive your memories.

Shiro:Now as we all know, Harumo has amnesia and he does”nt remember everything that happened,And this spells trouble for us.

Kengo:Hows that a problem to us?

Shiro: I mean his Sacred Artifact, He does”nt even know how to use it much less summon it.

With a curious face you raise your hands to asks a question to Shiro.

Harumo: UHMMM !! Whats a Sacred Artifact?

Shiro: i seem to forgot to explain that part to you, Lets see, Sacred Artifacts are divine weapons that you can summon during an app battle or battle zone to be precise,And if you”re wondering whats a battle zone? its a field surrounded by a wall whenever a app battle has been activated,There in the battle zone you can use Sacred Artifacts to battle your opponent,you can injure them or even cut them,because once the battle zone ends all of the injuries that you have sustained will instantly heal but the damage you”ve experience will be stuck with you.

Harumo:OHHHH, Okay i kinda get it......wait do i have a Sacred Artifact?

Shiro: Ahhh.Y-YES you have a sacred artifact.

Harumo: What kind of a Sacred Artifact is it? like a sword or something?

Shiro:Your Sacred Artifact is a sword and it has the power to cut anything.it can even cut space itself.

Harumo*shocked* WHOA!!! THAT HAS TO BE SO COOL !!! Can i summon it?

EVERYONE:......

Harumo: *confuse* Whats wrong guys? did i say something wrong?

Shiro:No its not that,its just, we don”t enitirely know the incantation of the summoning.

Harumo: Incantation?

Toji: In order to summon your Sacred Artifact,You must inchant the words inorder for it to be summoned.

Harumo: Like a spell or something?

Shiro:Yes,like Toji said you have to say the right words inorder for you summoned it, And well, you are the only who knows that.

Harumo: Oh i see.

As you all look down,saddend you can”t use your Sacred Artifact,Kengo stands up and punch his palm grinning, He seems to know of a plan.

Kengo: HAHAHA!! ALRIGHT!!

Ryota: Kengo?

Shiro: It appears to be Kengo has an idea.

Kengo: Yeah!! i Do !!

Ryota:Well,what is it?

Kengo: We just need to jog his memory right?..Then maybe fighting someone will help him, remember how to summon his Sacred Artifact.

Shiro: Hmmmmmm..........That idea has some truth in it.But its worth the try.

Ryota: Wait?! You mean Harumo has to fight someone?

Harumo: Did i always go through this kind trouble before?

Moritaka: You”re actually quite the magnet for trouble.

Toji: i kinda agree with Takabushi here, Thats how i learned how to summon my Sacred Artifact before.

Agyo: But don”t you think you should teach Harumo first how to fight?

Kengo: NAH!! Whenever Harumo”s fighting it kinda seem like muscle memory.

Harumo: Wait!? You”re not gonna teach me how to fight?

Kengo: Nope,Just follow you”re gut and instinct and you”ll be fine.

Harumo: Do i have a saying in this?

Shiro: Well,with that out of the way,Who should Harumo fight now?

Kengo: I KNOW JUST THE GROUP FOR THAT!

With a big ol smile Kengo seems confident he’s plan might actually work,BUT who”S the group he”s mentioning.?

Shiro: Well which group is it?

Kengo:Follow me you”ll when we get there.

With being the leader for this,the summoners all stand up to follow Kengo to the group he”s taiking about,Shiro explains to Agyo that he needs to stay to guard the safehouse incase someone wants to attack the guild.

Agyo: *AWING* Its a shame i can”T go with you all, i have to stay and guard the guild.

Harumo: *Awing* Okay then, how about one last hug for the road?

Agyo:*flabbergaster* WHA!1 ALRIGHT FINE,JUST THIS ONCE OKAY?!

With Agyo approving to let you hug him,Ryota joins in on the fun.

Agyo: AHHHH! RYOTA WHY!

Ryota: i COULD’NT RESIST THIS MOMENT OF HUGS

After you finish hugging Agyo your group all waik down as they all wave to bye to Agyo.

Agyo:GOODLUCK TO YOU ALL HOPE YOU GET YOUR MEMORIES BACK!!!

Harumo: BYE AGYO!! A’LL SEE YOU LATER!!

WELP THATS GONNA BE IT FOR PART 2,I HOPE YOU ALL ENJOYED THE STORY SO FAR AND I HOPE YOU ALL LIKE IT VERY MUCH CAUSE THIS IS MY FIRST TIME DOING FANFICTIONS,COMMENT ON WHAT YOU THINK OF THE STORY SO FAR IT CAN BE BRUTALLY HONEST I NEED TO SEE THE CRITICISM FOR THE STORY SO THAT I WILL BE ABLE TO DO BETTER IN THE NEXT PART,JUST WAIT FOR THE NEXT PART OF THE STORY CAUSE THIS IS GONNA BE A HUGE STORY I THINK BUT YOU GET THE GESTURE

#housamo #tokyo afterschool summoners #summoners #fanfic #forgot tag #mc5 #april fools #part 2

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meetinginsamarra · 4 years ago

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My fanfic: Mutual Attraction +2000 Hits today Reblog+Addition

“Mutual Attraction” my Sherlock BBC fanfic on AO3 and its origin story

My new fanfic is up on AO3 since July 12th, 2020!

I am absolutely excited and not ashamed to confess that I am constantly checking the statistics (hits, subscriptions, kudos etc.). The fic is very dear to me because it is the first thing I´ve ever started writing at all.

About 2,5 years ago I was already addicted to BBC Sherlock and thought a lot about the characters. Like so many other fans I wondered how Sherlock and Greg may have met in the first place and there was suddenly an image in my head. I embellished it in my mind and liked it quite well. A bit of a story evolved around it and I liked that even more. So much, in fact, that I wanted to preserve that scene by writing it down before I forgot it. Just for myself. It was to become the current first chapter.

So here I had the condensation nucleus for something I would have never dreamed to do or even be able to do.

More scenes came to me out of nowhere. A lot happened while I was driving in my car (very inconvenient for writing). Pieces of conversation between Sherlock and John. Different first meetings between the main characters. BAMF moments. Witty banter. Where the skull came from. Why Sherlock deleted the solar system and so on…

I wrote it all down and some day found myself sitting on a wild pile of snippets, liking them all very much. Why not put them all together in a story of how John and Sherlock met and started to pine for each other? I´m a Johnlock-shipper you have to know. Not that I reject other pairings but this is what I think about the most. Why not combine that with a nice and small and not too complicated case? Insert glimpses of Sherlock´s past? Why not write a fanfiction myself? Post it on AO3?

Good heavens, what a presumptous idea!

It scared me a bit because I´m very much a realist knowing about my complete lack of experience in writing. In a foreign language. I´m German but Sherlock will only work in English for me. What I knew would have to become a long story. Doing it in my sparse spare time. It would take long to finish, investing a lot of my time without being certain it would ever see the light of day. If I´m able to do it at all. If the result would not be frankly embarrassing. The only thing I knew and promised myself was I would only publish if it was complete and if it was good.

Yeah, I know that sounds awfully self-righteous but I have a very clear grasp of what I personally find “good” and like or hate concerning writing style because I´ve always been a bookworm. I read a lot and a very large part has been in English since I love the language and like to know the original text. Even when I sometimes fail spectacularly like with Irvine Welch´s Trainspotting, the text was absolutely strenous and incomprehensible reading for me as a non-native speaker. Read it in German though and it´s great.

Back to Sherlock. I definitely made writing unnecessarily difficult for myself. For example: non-linear writing at the beginning. Large parts of text were finished before the story itself evolved. Before I plotted the basics of a chapter and decided on the sequence in which to put them. There were long pauses in between writing and I had to read the text again in order to remember what happened before. Also it takes a long time before I´m content with a sentence or a paragraph. I rephrase a lot being some kind of perfectionist. And I can´t always write as I need to be in the adequate mood for it. Writing in general takes me a long time, I´ve been working on this post here for about 90 mins now. Just that you get an idea how slow I am…

Against all my doubts I started “the long story” (had no title yet) and soldiered on. When about 70% was done I got somehow stuck. Maybe writer´s block? I don´t know - I knew what to write but could not get in the right mood. It was frustrating. I´d achieved so much and wanted to post finally.

Then “Wretched and Divine” happened.

O.K. So I´ve been frustrated with „the long story“. While writing it I had other ideas what could happen to Sherlock & Co and those were more and more AU-ish. They would definitely not fit in the setting of „Mutual Attraction“.

Therefore it was just a tiny step to take a break and write another fanfic. One much shorter. There was this idea about a different first meeting at an A&E but in a non-BBC environment. Once I started with „Wretched and Divine“ it sort of created itself, evolving quickly while I wrote and thought about it. (I´ll do another origin story about this and its sequel.)

Well, finally I had something to post. I was nervous like hell when I clicked the „post“ button, internally screaming and my hand literally trembling. Not kidding! When I uploaded the first chapter of „Mutual Attraction“ my heart rate spiked and my hand trembled again.

My first fic was well-received (in my opinion). I guess unless you post something yourself and receive loving comments it´s difficult to gauge how much that means to the author. It´s the anonymity of the internet which greatly helps here. All the comments are genuine. No one feels obligated to sugarcoat or frankly lie about how they liked something. The love is real. The need to tell the author about their feelings is real. Thankfully I haven´t received any hate yet, but my point is when people state they like it and had a great time reading it is just true.

Knowing that people go along with my story, enjoy it, are happy about it, is absolutely mindblowing-fucking-fantastic. It´s addictive. It encourages you in your endeavour of writing.

I have yet to tell you the best thing that happenend because of posting „Wretched and Divine“.

One of the commentors turned out to become my first fandom friend. (Hi there, PeaGeeTibbs, I know you´re reading that!) We e-mail regularly and when I blabbed about „the long story“ (seems I´m prone to blabbing) she offered to proof-read/beta. So thanks again for saving me from some embarrassing mistakes.

„Mutual Attraction“ was still on hold because I got carried away and posted a sequel to „Wretched“ as well as another fic.

The positive reactions and love these three stories got egged me on to finish „Mutual Attraction“ which had fallen into a state of hibernation in the meantime. It was difficult to get back into the story. To adopt this mindset again. Even with the appreciation I got of posting these fics I was wondering if I hadn´t done myself a severe disservice. The way Sherlock and John acted (and pined) was totally different from the way they behaved in the other fics.

It was awful at first but soon became better and easier again. It was clear to me what I had (wanted) to write, how the story would go on. Still, it took a lot of time to finish it eventually. Sometimes it was really hard work and no fun at all.

I ended up with 20 chapters and approx. 80k words. Something I´d never have expected. One thing which surprisingly proved more complicated than expected was choosing the corresponding lyrics to each chapter. I really wanted to do this because while writing there were so many paragraphs of Linkin Park´s lyrics that fit so well. My first idea was to use only their lyrics but I abandoned that since other great songs yelled at me to be considered.

The question of which to use was sometimes unnerving but in the end I´m content with all my choices but one. That´s Under the Bridge by Red Hot Chilli Peppers in chapter 8, I could not think of anything better fitting and since it was literally the last thing keeping me from completing the story I just shrugged „So what?“.

My lovely beta proposed to contact the adorable inevitably-johnlocked on her tumblr in order to promote my fic and – she did! Awesome! Thanks again.

Wow. A long journey ended.

It´s up on AO3 for one week now. Hits are slowly climbing as well as subscriptions and kudos. I chose to do weekly updates to appear more often in the „date updated“ sorting option. Frankly speaking, I want to reach as many readers as possible, don´t we all?

I´m looking forward to the next weeks and how the statistics and comments develop.

See you there,

Samarra

Teaser Fanart

My lovely beta @peageetibbs suggested I create a cover fanart for the fic. Great idea! It quickly got out of hand in that I created one for each chapter, starting with ch 4.

I had the idea of inventing a sort of brand, meaning that certain parts of the layout would always stay the same. Which are: Sherlock and John´s photo and the logo of the fanfic (the electrons circling around the atomic nucleus). The free space would be filled with pictures of things that happen or play a role in the respective chapter, like a tiny puzzle to figure out and make the reader (more) curious about the upcoming chapter.

I post(ed) them as a single work each Wednesday on AO3 under the title “Cover Art: Mutual Attraction by meet_me_in_samarra: Teaser for upcoming chapter xy "Name"

I will likely include them all in the fic itself when the last chapter has been posted. I definitely will include this origin story post (as chapter 21) just so that all related stuff is together in the original work.

Thank you all for reading and commenting and kudo-ing and bookmarking and subscribing so far. It really really really means a lot to me!!!!!!!!!!!!

#my Sherlock fanfics #Mutual Attraction

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bsd-fan · 4 years ago

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Biggest comment in the story

@altairgavin

Hi, you don´t know me and I swear that I just tried to make a simple comment in ao3 like a normal person but I ended up writing 5192 words and I couldn´t post all of this in the platform so...yeah.

Okay, so I don´t really know if you will read this comment or if you will continue this series (I really hope you do because this series is basically my religion) but regardless of all that, I just read the whole thing and I realized that I needed to write a comment to make you know how utterly and madly in love I am with what you created. I want to say that this really started just as a comment but at some point I honestly lost all focus and I just started to fangirl so hard that I´m embarrassed of myself, I started throwing my opinions, headcanons, and impressions of the characters and this ended up being a mess, so you can just skip this seven pages and read the last paragraph hahaha, I really hope this is not as annoying as I think it is.

So first of all I want to apologize because I know this whole comment will be a mess, English is not my first language and I love this fanfic so much that I can´t even put together two sentences so I just really hope this whole babbling make sense. The first time I realized what this was about I screamed, soukoku is my otp and I can´t begin to explain how much I love them and how special they are for me, and to be able to read them in one of the universes I adore the most? It was like a dream come true but at the same time I was kind of scared cause I´m not really a fan of most of the crossovers that have been written here, however as soon as I started with this I knew I have found gold.

Your writing is absolutely divine, it stirred memories of an eleven year old me reading harry potter and wishing I was there, it felt like going home but better because I don´t just care for the characters, I LOVE every single one of them. There are so many things to be impressed with this works, so many things I want to say, so many praises I want to give but the thing that really left me breathless were the characters, how you write them? Is an art, they feel complex, they feel real, they feel human. I laugh with the characters, I cry with them, I got angry with them and screamed at them and I can´t praise you enough for that. Actually I want to stop in this part, I already loved this characters with all my soul so I´m always subjective when I read fanfiction, I always care for the characters regardless of how they are written just because they are dazai and chuuya but what you have done here? is impressive and wonderful and amazing because this is one of the very very few works in which I don´t care just for Asagiri characters, I care for YOUR characters, I love the characters that YOU have created. Don’t misunderstand me, all of your characters are canon compliant, the way you manage to respect the characterizations is probably one of the bigger reasons I´m so deeply in love with this works, you have written my favorite dazai of all the dazais I´ve ever read and the one I consider more in character but what I admire the most? What truly leaves me speechless? is how you make this characters canon compliant and still manage to make them grow and develop. If canon chuuya and dazai were transported to Hogwarts at that age, this is exactly they way I think they would act like. I want to tell you how much I admire you cause I know that neither chuuya nor dazai are easy characters to write, both of them are extremely complex specially if you are writing about them in an au, and I´m completely amazed of how you did it. They are tridimensional characters, they feel so so human and it´s so easy to love them. Every single thing in this au is so clever and amazingly done, it´s pretty obvious how much effort you put in this because everything is so well thought. I think one of the most intelligent decisions was to have this story narrated by Chuuya because he really is the perfect protagonist (better that harry in my opinion), he is so lovable and relatable and just a wonderful character to read. I love how he feels so real, he is intelligent and he has seen things that no kid should´ve seen, he is resilient, but he still is vulnerable, he is struggling with humanity, and with no having memories and then out of nowhere he is in this world full of magic in which he finds incredible people and he finds a home with them. I love how he is brave, and loyal to death, honest and he cares so damn much but at the same time I love how deeply flawed he is, chuuya is still chuuya, he is bad tempered and impulsive, he´s not really good with feelings and he gets scared and sometimes he doesn´t know how to communicate but he is there and he is trying, one of the reasons that it´s so easy to get into the story it´s because we have the best protagonist we could ask for. Now I want to make a (huge) parenthesis to talk about how absolutely insane is your writing, you are literally what every author refers to when they talk about “show not tell” one of my favorite scenes not just from fanfiction but from all the books I´ve ever read it’s the scene after Dazai is petrified. I think about that scene constantly and I still think it´s a masterpiece. Chuuya relationship with dazai is so damn incredible (I´m going to talk about this later) but it´s also difficult, I´m gonna make a little character study of chuuya because your character is so good that I really want to fangirl about him, of course this is just my perspective and I could be wrong but okay, chuuya is twelve, he has never been so close with someone and from my perspective I don’t think he has sorted out his feeling for dazai yet. I think he knows that he cares for him so much more than he should, I think he knows that dazai is special to him in a way that no one is, he knows that his trust for dazai is on a whole different level, and he is clearly PINING (Even though I don´t think he has realized). From our point of view is so obvious that he loves him but for him? It isn´t that obvious. He can´t even explain his relationship with him, he knows that dazai is the closest person to him but he still feels reluctant to call him a friend (I think it´s because a part of him knows that what he feels for dazai is bigger than that, that his feelings for him are completely different from his feelings for kunikida, tachihara or tanizaki but I´m just theorizing) and I think it´s also because dazai is a lot sometimes, he is annoying and cunning and whiny and difficult so the normal response would be to be annoyed for him, right? And he is but at the same time he still likes him, so I feel like chuuya doesn´t know what to do with all those feelings and dazai doesn´t make it easy and he doesn´t know what dazai feels for him, so he tries to act like he doesn´t care that much, like he isn´t really affected even though he clearly is. This makes this whole thing better because:

a) Is completely in character with chuuya

b) Is perfectly in character for EVERY 12yo (really I acted just like this when I was his age)

c) Makes this so much more entertaining and funny to read.

The best thing is that chuuya doesn´t act this way for the others, he actually wants to trick himself into thinking that he doesn´t care, in conclusion, nakahara chuuya in an unreliable narrator and I LIVE for that. So that scene after Dazai is petrified is amazing in every sense of the word because he knows that he won´t sleep, he knows that he is feeling too much and for us the readers is pretty clear that he is a mess, but he still tries to act like he doesn´t feel like falling into pieces. That conversation with kouyou is the best thing in the world. I LOVE that he can´t admit that he is feeling sad or scared, even in his mind he can´t admit it so he copes with anger because he can manage that. He says that he is pissed, the best thing is that we are in his mind and even then chuuya tries to act like he is fine but the narration makes pretty damn clear that he is not fooling anyone. Kouyou knows that chuuya is fighting tears, and we know it too because the narration says it in a really subtle way.

“He took a deep breath and swallowed down the irritating lump in his throat” “He chewed his lip and breathed through his nose, trying to settle his racing heart” Is mentioned but chuuya doesn´t really stop to think about it because he is too busy acting like he is just angry. This whole thing makes the character more real, more interesting and a whole lot more complex because we can see the layers in him.

Here we have an actual paragraph of chuuya lying to himself: “Chuuya squeezes his eyes shut for a moment to repel the dry stinging threatening to give way tears, which was stupid because he wasn´t sad or afraid” and how he gets angry when he got called out “Chuuya wiped at his eyes, furious at them for betraying something he didn´t want to admit he was feeling”

And then we have Queen Kouyou who KNOWS.

“It´s not as if you´re completely honest with your emotions either, lad” Honestly I love how she knows how much they care for each other, how she clearly sees the mutual pining and how they are struggling with their emotions because they are kids, because neither of them have had feelings like this before and they are so emotional constipated it hurts but even with that she doesn’t say anything to chuuya, she knows that Chuuya has to figure that in his own, she knows that he still isn´t ready to aknowledge or face his feelings so she is just there to guide him and listen to him and honestly? SHE IS THE REAL QUEEN and I can´t begin to explain how much I love her.

I made all that gigantic mess to say that I love the way you narrate things, how even with out making it obvious we know what the characters are feeling and honestly? That´s fucking good writing. The way you make me feel everything the characters are feeling is a gift and I know that a lot of writers would kill to have that ability. This scene will forever be special for me, you really made something incredible there. And it´s not the only scene, the scene in the third book in which he tries to convince himself that he is not worried for dazai but he still looks for him when the dementors appear, because dazai is his safe place and also because if he feels danger his first instinct is to be with dazai so he can protect him too, or I really love how he immediately realized that dazai is not as clingy as always and that he is maintaining his physical distance and even when he never says it IT´S SO DAMN CLEAR HOW MUCH THAT IS BUGGING HIM. He is so annoyed but he can´t say it so he just acts like he isn´t. And that moment in the second book in which he screamed at dazai that he wanted him to stay lives in my mind rent free but I´m going to talk about this scene later.

I don´t really want to talk about Dazai because this clearly isn´t a comment anymore and its more of an essay with lots of fangirling and believe me, I can make a WHOLE character study from your Dazai because he is bloody brilliant and the best one I´ve read so far, I´m going to summarize this as much as I can. HE IS AMAZING. I think Dazai is the most difficult character to write because he is a contradictory character. I love lots of fanfiction but at the end most of the time I feel like Dazai´s personality is completely different from the canon and I get it, to write such a difficult character must be a nightmare. Most of the fanfics I´ve read basically portray him as this cold, lethal mafia boss that is completely whipped by chuuya to the point were he kind of resembles to every single male lead in every generic YA novel or go to the opposite with dazai being a massive and cruel asshole to the point that I just want to shot him or this goofy character and I think the difficult part is that he can be all those things but it isn´t everything he is. And you found the perfect balance, and from my perspective he is just perfect, he is so complex and full of layers. He feels bad and kind of hollow and just like chuuya he is struggling with his humanity (Exactly like in canon), people call him “the demon kid” I don´t think that he really thinks of himself as just a kid, he is constantly bored but when he finds something that catch his interest he can´t let go, he doesn´t care for a lot of people but when he does he would kill and die for that people. He is brilliant and funny, and so charismatic that even when you want to slap him you can´t help but love him (again, just like canon Dazai) he is also dramatic and whiny but he still is cunning, and a liar and manipulative and he can be really cruel when he wants to be, he is even worse dealing with emotions than chuuya and I can´t even begin to address how much I adore him, he is so in character that every time I read him I want to cry of joy.

“He is definitely the type to freeze up and self destruct when he gets scared. Thinks too much and gets paranoid too” THAT WHOLE STATEMENT IS DAZAI, RIGHT THERE, YOU JUST DESCRIBED HIM SO WELL THAT I LEGIT SCREAMED THE FIRST TIME I READ IT. When he recollected the slugs and gave them to chuuya in Christmas and at the end of the first book? Also completely in character, how he always is there teasing chuuya and being ridiculous clingy but the moment he feels vulnerable he panics and try to put as much distance as possible, how he is so protective because people always leave him, how he is really possessive of chuuya and try to keep all his attention centered in himself it´s actually canon. 15 yo dazai did exactly that. I love that even if he is possessive with chuuya it´s pretty clear that he doesn´t see him as an object, he loves chuuya (even though I´M PRETTY SURE he hasn´t realized, honestly at this point I can physically feel his pining and even with that he is even more emotional stupid than chuuya so I think its gonna be a loooooong time before he realizes about his own feelings) chuuya is his partner and he worries for him so much that he doesn´t know what to do with himself, he gets scared by his own feelings and ends up acting like an ass. your dazai is the best thing I´ve ever read in my whole life. I love your chuuya, but damn, I would die for your dazai. And once again I want to scream about how impressive it is that even when the story is being told by chuuya, we still get a good idea of what´s happening with dazai and what he is feeling, he is evolving and he also keeps getting better as a character and again its amazing cause he isn´t the one narrating, but he is still so damn well done? I also LOVE the delicacy in how you are talking about his mental health. So, this is really personal but I have been diagnosed with anxiety and depression and I really can relate with your dazai, I love the way you write about it, dazai in this au is young he is still not the depressed and actively suicidal person of canon, I don´t know if in this au he is going to get to that point but the 13 yo dazai who actively looks for dangerous situations without care for his life is an incredible way to showing that dazai is not precisely healthy. I love his coping mechanisms, how first he acts all happy with fake smiles and try to change topic, when that doesn´t work he becomes an ass to try to push people away and when that also fails he ends up avoiding the person. Your dazai is so fucking real and I love him with all my soul.

All the characters in this series are amazing, I have already talked a little bit about Kouyou but she is incredible, the best teacher in the world and my queen, the friendship between yosano, ranpo, louisa and Poe is everything I needed in life. Yosano and Ranpo betting on chuuya´s relationship with dazai is one of the things I love the most in this whole au because they know too but they are jerks who just are there betting when skk is going to realize and I´M LIVING FOR THAT. The chaotic energy of ranpo is so entertaining to read. Tachihara is so well done, how much he admires and cares for chuuya, how he is really jealous of dazai and how he doesn´t know how to act about it, odasaku is flawless and I really like ango, tanizaki and kunikida. I love your Akutagawa and atsushi with every part of my self.

Now that I talked about how your writing is evocative, addictive and just wonderful and how I would die for your characters I want to talk about the relationships because OMG I LOVE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM! Let´s start with the one between dazai and chuuya. Their relationship is so heartwarming and my heart swells with so much love every time I think about them. I love how their relationship feels so natural from the very beginning, it just feels right. My favorite thing about it it´s that even though it´s natural is not easy. Their relationship is complicated just like them. They are perfectly imperfect. They are exactly what soukoku stands for, they are partners, they push the other to be better, they challenge each other, they put the other out of their comfort zone, truly “only a diamond can polish a diamond” they are opposites in almost every way and that´s how it is supposed to be, it´s because of that that they are able to compliment the other so well but that also means that in many many ways their relationship is also a mess. They clash a lot, they don´t always understand each other. One of my favorite things is how chuuya feels kind of insecure around odasaku because odasaku is always calm and collected, he just understands dazai and it seems like he does it easily while he struggles all the time. I love chuuya exactly because of that, chuuya is not the kind of person who just understands and that´s okay and in many ways I think that´s exactly what Dazai needs. Chuuya won´t just understand, he will tell him when he is acting like an idiot, he will tell him when is time to fucking stop, he will be there and call him out when dazai is too afraid to face things. One of my favorite things is that how they get mad, that they don´t always like each other but they still love each other. How even when it´s difficult they want to be together, how at the end of the day after the fights and bickering they know that the other is gonna be there, that they are not alone and what is most beautiful than that? They are kids that grew up in the most horrible situations. Chuuya was alone, without memories, without family, he didn´t have anything, on the other side there was dazai who grew up with a slimy and horrible person who constantly tries to manipulate him and use him at his convenience, he never had a homemade food, he was empty and hollow and they were so lonely and then this kids find each other. I love how messy their relationship is. Is difficult to figure your feelings when you are a teenager and for them? It´s a lot harder, they never had anyone who taught them what it was to be loved, they grew up in a horrible world, they are terribly emotional constipated, they can´t fucking communicate to save their lives (Also a very canon thing), they have unhealthy coping mechanisms and apart from all of that they are also opposites in almost every way of course they are going to clash, of course they get mad, of course they don´t know how to fix things, this is a first for both of them but they are trying. I love how even if chuuya hasn´t realize the depth of his feelings for dazai, he still is very conscious that he choose dazai, that he could´ve trust yosano, kunikida, tachihara or someone else with his story but he trusted dazai, he choose to trust dazai, he choose to be his partner and dazai did the same for him. They are in this together even when sometimes they drive each other crazy.

The scene after Louisa is petrified is one of my favorites because I think it perfectly portrays their relationship. That was the first scene in which chuuya truly was angry with dazai and it wasn´t about dazai being an ass or doing things purposely to get chuuya mad, actually he didn´t do anything wrong and he is confused because this time he really doesn´t know where he went wrong. I love that chuuya also knew that dazai didn´t do anything bad but he still was angry because he couldn´t help it. They faced a situation and they act differently, dazai was being rational and doing what he thought was the best, chuuya knows that but he was scared and he needed dazai by his side in that moment, he didn´t want rationality. In that fight neither of them did anything wrong, they just had different reactions and that´s something that happens, I love how we know for sure that chuuya loves dazai but sometimes he still needs time away from him so he walked with louisa and ranted about dazai with her and I think it´s the same for dazai, of course chuuya is definitely not as difficult as him to be with but he also needs his time alone (we know that from what he says about he walking at night because he can´t sleep) or with ango or odasaku. I love how even if neither of them know what they are feeling or doing, they are so into each other and oh my god they are pining so hard. They are still kids, there isn´t any real physical attraction yet, they aren´t in the point of “being in love” in the traditional more adult way but they already love each other so much and it really hits me how we know that just from the narrative, specially in chuuya´s case. He won´t say it but he is hyper aware of Dazai, he always notices when dazai is smiling and the he starts smiling too, he knows when dazai is giving a fake smile, and when he is tense or sad or angry. He tries his best to learn more of dazai and it´s pretty obvious that he treasures the little things he has learned about him even if it´s something as simple as his favorite color. I love how they look for each other touch even when neither of them have a lot experience with physical contact. I totally imagine them like one of those couples that are touching each other all the time in the future and you know the worst part? I don´t think anyone will be surprised. Dazai is already all over chuuya most of the time (except in this book and I also want to know why) they have holden each other hands and wrists, they lean into the other, they have cuddled to sleep, they have hugged and held each other and that always makes me feel all giddy inside. AND THE TRUST, the inhuman trust that characterize soukoku is right there and it has me sobbing.

So again, this is just my point of view and I can be totally wrong, but from my perspective is so funny to see them pining without them knowing that they are. I read “Chuuya Nakahara and the Time that Doesn't Exist” and Dazai was pining so hard from the very first moment (I mean, I don´t blame him. Chuuya truly is the most beautiful person on earth). Once I read your comment about how chuuya is pining for dazai but at that point of the story was just a tree while dazai´s pining was an entire forest and I CAN TOTALLY SEE THAT, but at the same time I headcanon that even if Dazai is the one pining harder, he is also the most oblivious about his own feelings? But I don´t know maybe he is already completely aware of his feelings for chuuya and I´m just making a mess of things hahaha. I love that chuuya kind of knows but at the same time he doesn´t, his denial is so strong that he can´t even think of that but at the same time we know that at least deep, deep, deeeeep down he kind of knows and we have the funniest most relatable reactions everytime someone even suggest that they feel more than friendship and he is just there choking with things, blushing and desperately trying to change the topic. I swear those scenes are my favorite ones, I´m always there laughing my ass off and wishing I was with yosano and ranpo to bet about skk love life.

“-He´s just…my partner

The tanizaki sibling´s eyebrows shot upward

-Let´s go find a compartiment, Atsushi” Chuuya grumbled, face warming up”

“-You can still love people even if they annoy you from time to time.

The second year´s face heated up alarmingly fast as he almost breaks the glass of orange juice with his grip- I don´t—why would you think I—what the hell is all that supposed to mean?

-That you care about him?

-That is not what you said”

“-What would you call yourselves then? Confidants? Lovers?

Chuuya choked”

JUST LOOK AT HIM, HE IS A MESS, OMG I LOVE HIM SO MUCH, MY SWEET STUPID CHILD IN DENIAL.

Soukoku relationship in this au is everything I needed in life to be happy, thank you for creating it.

And the relationship between chuuya and kouyou? *Chef kiss* is so damn good, I love how they deeply care for each other, and how she is always there to help him when he needs her, I love how she even stands for dazai in his own way and how she is literally the best adult in existence. I love how she is always teaching chuuya things and wants the better for him, so she is kind of strict but at the same time she is spoiling him. I love chuuya relationship with Arthur and paul, they have this parental kind of relationship, they obviously care and like chuuya a lot and Arthur is there acting like the overprotective father for chuuya (sometimes acting like a judgemental asshole) and how chuuya thinks of their house as the closest thing to a home have me in tears. I love dazai´s relationship with odasaku and ranpo and how much they care for him, I love that oda is always there to listen to him not matter what. I love chuuya and tanizaki´s friendship, I adore shin soukoku relationship even though we haven´t seen much of them but it´s already amazing. We see bitter, angsty Akutagawa following dazai like is his light vs the sweet precious atsushi and how they bicker and god I´M EMO FOR THEM, I LOVE THEM. Let´s talk about ranpo, yosano, louisa and Edgar friendship again because their chaotic energy is everything I asked for, they love each other and are there being brilliant and funny and I WOULD DIE FOR THEM.

I also want to make a point of how much I love your dialogues, because I FUCKING LOVE THEM WITH ALL MY SOUL. I want to fangirl about more scenes, I want to talk about the unicorn and their fist hug, I want to talk about chuuya first birthday, I want to talk about the Christmas with Rimbaud and Verlaine, and about the scenes in the infirmary in the third book, I want to talk about my theories about the plot and about chuuya and corruption but at this point this thing is scary and I already look like a crazy person so I will stop here.

This started as a comment, this clearly isn´t a comment anymore and it turned into an essay with character studies and relationship studies and probably me overanalyzing things, I hope this whole thing isn´t as crazy as I think it is. But if you want to take something from this whole thing is that you are an amazing writer, that you are creative and have a wonderful, startling style, that you make characters and relationships so incredible that there´s a person who is willing to write seven pages about them, because they are inspiring and breathtaking, that there are scenes that will live with me forever. This fanfic is everything I would ask for, I would love to see you continue the series, there are still lots of things I want to see, a lot of characters I want to meet but if this is the last one you are willing to write (even though I really hope it´s not the case) I just want to thank you for creating something as amazing as this. Thank you for sharing this amazing content with us and if you decide to continue the series then I will be right there, screaming like crazy and fangirling really hard.

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