#Does anyone understand me or am I having an unnecessary meltdown

[idontmindifuforgetme]

I want to read books I want to write more I want to play the piano I want to sing in key I want to delve into fashion history I want to travel I want to publish research papers and I want to become a surgeon and I’m supposed to do all that in this one wild and beautiful life

[lizziethebookworm]

Not My Problem | Book Review

by Ciara Smyth

Genre

Contemporary, Young Adult, Fiction, LGBT

She can fix anyone's life. Except her own.

Goodreads Book Summary

Aideen has plenty of problems she can’t fix. Her best (and only) friend is pulling away. Her mother’s drinking problem is a constant concern. She’s even running out of outlandish diseases to fake so she can skip PE.

But when Aideen stumbles on her nemesis, overachiever Meabh Kowalski, in the midst of a full-blown meltdown, she sees a problem that—unlike her own disaster of a life—seems refreshingly easy to solve. Meabh is desperate to escape her crushing pile of extracurriculars. Aideen volunteers to help. By pushing Meabh down the stairs.

Problem? Solved. Meabh’s sprained ankle is the perfect excuse to ditch her overwhelming schedule. But when another student learns about their little scheme and brings Aideen another “client” who needs her “help,” it kicks off a semester of traded favors, ill-advised hijinks, and an unexpected chance at love. Fixing other people’s problems won’t fix her own, but it might be the push she needs to start.

My Thoughts

I love this book. I knew I'd like this book but I never knew I'd appreciate and love it this much. I literally love everything about this! It was so funny and yet somehow manages to be so serious. I didn't expect this to turn out the way it did, and I can confidently say that I am happy and satisfied with it. I would recommend this to anyone who loves Veronica from the movie Heathers since Aideen has the same humor as her and to anyone looking for a quick and funny read—in a dark, realistic way.

Here on out there will be spoilers.

Bullying

The bullying here was extreme. It wasn't always present but when it is there, it's a lot. I mean, we have to face it, sometimes high school won't be the best years in life. For others, it might be the worst, but what I learned about this is that you don't need everyone to be on your side, you don't need to get approval from people who won't treat you well, you just need someone you care about and someone who cares about you.

I don’t need them to be on my side. I just need someone who is, so I’m not alone. I need people I can talk to. And I have that now.

I appreciate that this book also talked about the unfair disadvantages of people from lower-income communities. People assume the worst of you just because you grew up poor or live in a lower-income district. This book talked about privilege and that opened my eyes. I truly appreciate this book.

Characters

Aideen

I love Aideen's humor, it's dark and realistic. She reminds me of Veronica from the movie Heathers and that just makes me love her more. She's very skeptical about everything and oftentimes a "doormat." She's afraid to speak up and defend herself since she's not used to it. She cares about people, and if the people she loves hurts her, shed often just shrug it off and move on in life. She's lovable and just a darling. I truly love her character, she's complex and confusing at times but that makes her realistic.

Meabh

I love Meabh. I thought she was mean and rude—since that was how Aideen described her as—but she's just a sweetheart. She's very passionate about what she does and it may come off as rude. I found her very cute when she talked about things she was passionate about. She has a hectic schedule and is always stressed out, she's not necessarily a kind person, but she's not rude or mean either. She has her good and bad sides. I feel like I related to her the most since she's very passionate about the environment. She's very smart and somehow knows everything, except she's very clueless when it comes to socializing.

Kavi

Kavi is a sweetheart and I love him. He's very talkative but I find that endearing. He's super funny and is a "high maintenance" friend.

Holly

I don't know how I feel about Holly. She's not nice but not evil either. She has her good attributes and her bad ones. What I don't like about her though is the way she treats Aideen. She treats her like she's stupid and won't understand what she's talking about, although I must admit I think that was also partially Aideen's fault too since she let's Holly walk over her.

Lisa

Aideen's mom is not my favorite character. I mean, I understand she has a problem and that she's fixing it, but she always drags down Aideen with her. She's sweet and funny when she's not drunk but she also neglects Aideen at times. I just wished that she would pay more attention to Aideen and get over Aideen's assehole dad.

Ms. Devin

I just had to include Ms. Devin too. I adore her, she's strict but also funny. I love that she's genuinely concerned about Aideen and that just speaks so much about her personality. She's a true gem.

Angela

I find Angela so funny. She's straight to the point and doesn't take any of your sht. I adore and admire her bravery and her endless love for her family.

Relationships

Friendship

I love the friendship here, it makes my heart soft and I just want to hit them all. I love that they found each other and that they're not alone anymore. They appreciate each other and even though they don't have similar taste in things, they still are friends and they genuinely care for each other.

I knew what it was like to feel alone.

Mother-daughter relationship

Their relationship isn't the best, but when Lisa isn't drunk, she's a mother. They're happy together—except when there's alcohol involved—and they seem satisfied. Although Aideen always worries about her mam and it's giving her unnecessary stress.

My Rating

⭐⭐⭐⭐

~Lizzie

[bylaude]

Day After Death

Someone is in the room.

This is the first thought she has as Byleth awakens. Being a light sleeper, the fog of sleep clears quickly as she assesses her surroundings. A bed beneath her, fresh sheets and a soft pillow. Right, she arrived at the monastery the day before with her father…

So who the hell is in her room now?

Don't trust the church, her father's words echo in her head. Byleth waits, laying as still as the dead and listening to the sound of rifling objects. This person is searching her room.

Well, that's annoying, she thinks, A petty thief? What can I have that anyone would want?

Byleth contemplates peaking an eye open to see who it is, unconcerned with whatever they may take, before the presence abruptly moves to her side, making her hair stand. The sound of breathing wipes her mind of all previous thoughts and she lunges, pushing her knife against a pale white throat.

Byleth stares. Green eyes and green hair, weaved into long, thick braids. The sound of fabric and metal is loud in the silence as the person shifts.

"Do you always sleep with that beneath your head?" Sothis asks, wide-eyed but not too terribly concerned with the blade at her neck.

Baffled, Byleth lowers her hand and lets Sothis drift away, watching as the girl-child tinkers aimlessly with her meagre possessions and the trinkets provided by the church. She's struck with a pervasive sense of sheer surrealism, like she's deep in some fever dream and hasn't fully awakened yet.

This is just like that time I ate those damned mushrooms from that shady-ass merchant, Byleth thinks blandly, collapsing back into her pillow like dead weight. Her eyes trail after the strange girl as she opens the trunk where Byleth had haphazardly tossed her clothes and armour in, fiddling with the fabric and breeches like she's never seen them.

Maybe she never did. Sothis claimed to be very old and asleep for a long, long time. Maybe this is a new age for her.

Assuming she is real.

I'm really losing it, huh, Byleth thinks blandly, growing less confused and more bored when Sothis does nothing particularly noteworthy as she saunters about the room. All those psychoactive mushrooms finally got to me. That shitty merchant. They're all conmen.

"Do you plan to just lie there?" Sothis asks abruptly, picking up a mirror on the vanity and staring into it with undue fascination. She looks at the mercenary through the reflection. "It's your first day as a teacher, is it not? You'd be giving a rather bad impression if you're late."

Byleth rolls over and glances out of the window, groaning a bit at the dark sky that greets her. "I'm not expected until, like, another two hours… Besides that, why are you even here?"

"What do you mean? Did I not make myself clear?" Sothis puts down the mirror, tilting her head at Byleth and staring at her owlishly. There's something uncomfortably inhuman about this action and Byleth grimaces at this, feeling rather like she wants to toss a pillow in the girl's face just to wipe that look off. It's too bad she only has one pillow and unwilling to sacrifice it. "I did say I will be watching over you from now on."

"Yeah, uh, that," Byleth sighs, belatedly reaching beneath her pillow to find the scabbard for her dagger. She sheathes it lazily, tossing it on the nightstand without ceremony. "I didn't think literal watching. In my sleep. Actually, that's bloody creepy, so don't do that. And I don't mean here-here… Why are you here and not back in…whatever the hell was the place where we first met?"

Sothis' attention has already diverted. She tip-toes to reach the bookshelf, pulling a tome free. "You can't expect me to be there all the time, can you?" She sighs, flipping through the pages idly, "It's awfully droll."

"Actually, yes, that's what I expect," Byleth frowns, getting annoyed. "Just… Go back in my mind or something."

Sothis pauses thoughtfully. "Your mind?"

"Yeah."

The girl is silent for a long while. "That can't be it. I've been asleep for so long. It can't be your mind. You're not even very old, are you?"

"I never thought I'd ever be in a situation where a child tells me I'm young," Byleth mutters, feeling like she's dissociating more and more with every passing second. She groans. "Look, can you just, I don't know, go back to sleep or something?"

Ponderous mood gone, Sothis scoffs. "I've slept for long enough," she declares imperiously, jutting her nose up. Wow, bratty. Byleth sits up. Tossing the pillow is suddenly a very appealing thing to do.

She beams, clapping her hands with faux cheer. "Oh, good for you!" Then scowls. "I haven't."

Sothis lowers the book and studies her, oddly serious all of a sudden. Byleth frowns and meets her assessing stare, perturbed but unwilling to back down.

"Do you feel strange, lass?" She asks out of nowhere. Byleth can't help snarking.

"About the little girl who's invited herself in my room while I was asleep? Very."

"Do not take this lightly," Sothis says sharply, eyes narrowed. "I'll ask once more. Do you feel unwell? Anything strange? Tell me."

Byleth thinks about it. She must be referring to the incident yesterday, when she took an axe to her back before time rewound. The more she deliberates on it, the less real it feels. Physically, she feels whole and fine, and none of those kids whom she'd saved even remember such a thing happening, but it still doesn't feel right. The flesh on her back prickles when she focuses on the memory of the blade cleaving her spine in half, a phantom sensation that crawls along her skin and produces a deep ache in her bones.

She knows what happened, but it doesn't feel real. It doesn't help that no one recalls it, save for the phantom child in front of her.

"What a loaded question," Byleth scoffs. "For all I know, you're not even real. Does my hallucination really have any business asking me if I'm fine?"

"How do you think I feel about this?" Sothis scowls, but on her young face it lacks any intimidation factor and looks like a child's pout. She snaps the book shut, putting it aside on the study desk. "You're my only connection to the physical world. If you doubt my existence when you're the only one to be even aware of it, what does that make me?"

"Oh, nice, the guilt trip card," Byleth rolls her eyes, tossing off her sheets. "Is that why you've been messing with my things at this ungodly hour? To solidify your presence, to feel real?"

Sothis falls silent. It's ironic how telling the lack of words can be. As she gets up and stretches, Byleth regrets looking at her face when she sees how despondent the girl is.

Fantastic, be an asshole to the kid. Good going, Byleth, job well done.

Why is she even doing this, anyway? Just because she was woken up? Snuck on? Caught off guard? None of those are new to her, nor do they bother her. Byleth has always been good with going with the flow and adapting like a chameleon, but she finds it near impossible to do so this time.

It'd be odder if I can simply go along with this, she reasons with herself, which is ironic because she knows she's being more than a bit unreasonable with Sothis.

There's really no point in picking a fight with Sothis. She knows that they're in the same boat, inexplicably connected in some strange manner neither of them truly understand. Despite her declining faith in the state of her sanity, Byleth knows logically that Sothis must be real. No amount of mushrooms could've made her hallucinate dying, not with such clarity and focus.

More than that, Sothis saved her. As a mercenary, Byleth doesn't have much honour in her, to her father's consternation, but even someone like her knows when she's in another's debt. The least she can do for Sothis is to coexist with her. It'll make life easier.

Coexist with a ghost girl in my head, Byleth repeats it in her head, wondering yet again about her sanity. She shouldn't be taking it so calmly, but she is anyway. It hasn't really hit me yet. Great. Hope that I don't time my eventual meltdown when I'm in front of someone.

She sighs. An apology is in order. She can start with that and go from there.

"Okay, I'm sorry, that was unnecessary. You saved my life and I'm giving you flak just because you woke me. For the record, I feel fine. I'm well and alive and I have you to thank for it."

Not seeming to hear her, Sothis is still quiet and unmoving, staring glumly at the floorboards, which unnerves Byleth because, despite having only endure her antics for a grand total of five minutes, she's already used to the girl chattering and flittering about like a particularly bothersome bird.

Without thinking too deeply on it, Byleth raises a hand and pats her, ruffling her voluminous hair. Sothis flinches, indignant and red-faced.

"W-what do you think you're doing?"

"What?" Byleth drawls, having already moved on and now pulling her gear out of the trunk and tossing it on the bed. "You looked bummed, so I thought to cheer you up."

"By what manner? Treating me like a child? How impertinent. I am a lot older than you, you understand?"

Byleth stares at her, then laughs. "You're so not cute."

Sothis opens her mouth to retort, only to stare in silent bafflement as Byleth pulls off her night clothes without warning. She throws it aside, grabbing her tunic and pulling it over her torso.

"Oh my," Sothis utters. "You have no shame, do you?"

Byleth glances up from affixing her wristguards, brows raised. "I'm not about to apologise for undressing in my room, Sothis. My earlier attitude aside, you're still technically being invasive."

Sothis has no response to that, blatantly watching her as she pulls her tights and shorts over her legs. Byleth can't find it in herself to care, though it is a bit weird to have someone, much less a child, scrutinise her so closely while she's dressing.

"I was under the impression you wished to return to sleep," Sothis says, slowly draping herself on the chaise longue like an oversized cat. "It's still another two hours before your appointment."

"No point trying to go back to sleep after you've woken me up," Byleth rolls her eyes, pulling both heeled boots on and adjusting her knee guard. She buckles the rest of her armour on, tossing her hair over her shoulder. "May as well explore."

"Explore?" Sothis asks, a spark of interest in her eyes as she watches Byleth retrieve a basin of water left by a servant the previous night, kept sanitary with a spell.

"Yeah. That's what you do when you're somewhere unfamiliar," Byleth snarks, using a wet cloth to wipe the sleep out of her eyes.

"I know what the word means," Sothis says sharply, huffing. "How rude."

With her mouth full of water, Byleth just favours the girl with an arched look, before spitting it out into the basin. "Then don't sound so confused. It's normal to want to explore. I myself am more accustomed to villages and forests, even cities, so this place is every bit new to me as it is to you."

Without ceremony, she picks up the container of water, intending to discard it, and kicks Sothis' foot as she passes. "Get up."

"Not a civilised bone in your body," Sothis sighs, but surprisingly heaves herself off the seat and follows after. "What is it?"

Byleth raises her brow, her back to the door. "What do you mean what?" She pushes down on the knob with her elbow, stepping back and into the hallway. "We're gonna explore together, stupid."

-

Footnote: Byleth and Sothis don't immediately get along. Like, most people already have issue with sharing their bedroom, you expect me to believe Byleth would be chill to share her headspace with some loli?

But they'll be as thick as thieves soon because they're both dumb. Sothis can only interact with the physical world when she consciously focuses and cannot stray away far from Byleth. They test the boundaries of this off-screen by pranking Lorenz.

Sothis gets literally known as the Ghost of Garreg Mach after that.

First day and you're already up to no good smh Byleth

[filmsnarktm]

I Spit On Your Grave 2

October 1st

I Spit on Your Grave 2 bares resemblance to the original in that a girl is raped and gets revenge on the rapist, but that’s about where the similarities end. Our protagonist Katie begins the film a struggling model in New York, freshly relocated from her small midwest town, in a shitty apartment without any friends. After a moment of desperation leads her to accept a photo shoot with some questionable characters, she ends up in far more trouble than she ever bargained for when she finds herself dragged into the brutal horrors of sex trafficking at the hands of unstable and merciless captors.

In the original I Spit on Your Grave, while we are invested in Jennifer out of a natural sympathy for what’s happened to her and a desire for justice upon those who have wronged her, we don’t get a chance to become thoroughly invested in her character as an individual. In this film, on the other hand, our protagonist Katie manages to express character and grit despite the tragedy and gruesome reality of her circumstance. While some have leveled criticism at her character for accepting the photoshoot despite questionable circumstance in the first place, she proves for the majority of the film to be clever and resourceful. I will admit I find this criticism particularly roll-my-eyes-into-the-back-of-my-head-stupid, as the same people don’t seem to raise an eye-brow at Jennifer “yes strange men at this gas station this is my address and I will be there completely alone and unarmed miles away from civilization where no one can hear me scream for months” Hills. She doesn’t take unnecessary risks, but at the same time she is proactive and doesn’t just wait for luck to find her. Katie’s character is a little naive at the beginning, but not to an extent that would make her stupid. The following descent into a hardened heart as events in the film escalate is slow and believable. When we see the person she’s become at the end of the film we feel like we really understand every step of how she got there.

It doesn’t hurt that the actress, Jemma Dallender, does a phenomenal job. While some have criticized her performance as over the top, we both found that she captured the desperation and the wild emotion of what a person would be feeling in this situation beautifully. I saw myself in her meltdowns in a way that brought me straight back to traumatizing events in my own life. I have screamed and sobbed and fought in exactly the way Katie did and yes it was ugly and loud but bad situations often are, and I thought she portrayed that perfectly.

Even the Bulgarian cast involved in the human trafficking did jobs ranging from above average to great. In particular Georgy, portrayed by Yavor Baharov, did a great job of adding depth to what could have easily been a one dimensional abuser. That is not to say he is a sympathetic character, the things he does are unforgivable, but he shows that even in the darkest of people moral grey areas can still exist.

Another high point of the film is it’s portrayl of human trafficking. There are so many smaller details tying the film into the real experiences of sex-trafficking victims in the world today. We loved he inclusion of Heda, a former sex-trafficking victim who now herself helps her former (and current) abusers draw in more victims, a practice unfortunately not difficult to find in many of these operations. We also appreciated the inclusion of disbelief on behalf of the police who all too often in real life scenarios are quick to pass off the stories of girls like these as drug induced or cover-ups for their illegal activities as sex workers.

And of course it would be impossible to properly review this movie without at least touching upon the gore. I have to be honest: this film is brutal. Gruesome, gritty, and absolutely horrifying. We were gasping and covering our mouths in shock nearly the whole way through. The rapes were violent and extended, leading up to the ever satisfying but gruesome revenge enacted by our protagonist at the conclusion. This is not a film for the faint of heart, but it only serves to make the film all the more poignant. There wasn’t a single scene I felt was gore or violent for violence sake, every bit of pain and suffering in this film served a purpose, and knowing everything Katie went through in the beginning only serves to make her vengence at the end all the more satisfying.

All in all I Spit On Your Grave 2 is a fantastic film which has been done a great injustice in being the sequel to a well-liked but overall only moderately above average film. Katie is a character who stands tall and maneuvers her way respectably through trials that seem to have no end in sight. It kept tensions running high for both myself and Chelsea the whole way through, which is a bit of a challenge for Cynical Dee and Snarkier Dumber. I recommend this film to anyone who has the stomach, and am glad that I gave it the chance it more than deserves.

Final Rating: 8/10

[go-diane-winchester]

Why being a Sam/Jared!stan or a Dean/Jensen!stan is the stupidest status to hold and why these fans generally annoy me.

Our boys are beautiful.  They have flaws sure.  But they are human and, in my humble opinion, they are some of the best people in Hollywood.  Morally, they are better than other human beings who work in that sleazy town.  I really respect that. 

Jared should be a guide to other actors, on how to treat your fans.  Other actors should treat Jared's footage, with his fans, as a set work on how to behave when encountering people that love you.  I had a crush of Viggo Mortensen, but the one thing about him, that I didn't approve of, was that he didn't want to be approached in, say, a coffee shop because he was being disturbed.  Don't take a job that makes people care for you and then get irritated because people care for you.  I still admire Viggo but I will never approach him because he doesn't like that.  I dont think I will ever get to meet Jared because I am from South Africa.  But if I ever did, I will be brave enough to at least wave to him or blow him a kiss.  I know he wont ignore me because he doesn't do that with his fans.  Jared Padalecki makes you fall in love with him.  The best thing about Sam Winchester, is that Sam is played by this awesome creature. 

I was abused thrice in my life.  Twice as a child and once as a grown up.  Nobody helped me.  That is why I have a soft spot for Jensen.  He protects vulnerable people.  Weak people and people with illnesses [like Jared] seek him out for companionship, support and protection.  Being sick and broke is horrible.  But Jared has been employed for 14 years because he had a friend who wouldn't let him quit and who never complained about his illness.  I wish I had a Jensen when I was working, who would be patient with me too.  He has kept women safe from predators in the past.  He talks about the production assistants and the reason why I admire that, is because production assistant are the lowest on a set hierarchy.  They do menial work.  And Jensen leaves the big wigs of CW and Supernatural and compliments these small fries. 

Both boys are flawed.  Obviously.  I mean, their human beings, after all.  I bet the person reading this is full of flaws.  I am full of flaws.  Nobody is perfect.  Nobody has a good life either.  J2 deal with their own hurdles.  So do we.  But when there is an unnecessary, easy to avoid hurdle, that is when I get livid.  Years ago, when Supernatural was born, the only ''war'' that raged in SPN fandom was between Samgirls and Deangirls over which guy is better.  Why?  May I ask, what is wrong with you?  When I first came across these ignorant fools I thought:

Why does loving one guy mean you automatically have to hate the other one? 

And why is it that if your fave is written in a way that you don't approve of, for the sake of furthering the story, it automatically means that the writers are favoring the other one. 

Seasons where bad things have happened to Sam [and Dean equally or by extension] have generally done well.  Look at seasons 1 to 6.  When Sam is the inflicted one and Dean is reacting, we get a Hurt/Comfort scenario that we don't even have to write about, because it is all there on the screen, laid out for us.  Those were enjoyable seasons.  But the stans were never satisfied. 

Samstans:  Why are they demonizing and torturing poor Sam??!?!?!

Deanstans:  Jensen should leave this show because they give all the story arcs to Jared. 

Why is it that the general audience liked seasons with Sam in peril better?  First reason was because the focus was on the brothers.  Second reason, which nobody seems to understand, is that Dean is one of the unique jewels of Supernatural.  Supernatural's dust bowl Americana and texture is closely linked to Dean.  The dearly departed leather jacket, the rock music, the 67 Chevy Impala all are part of the Supernatural landscape and all belong to Dean.  His character, because Jensen has comedic prowess, adds snark and sass to Supernatural.  Sam's seriousness is offset by Dean's sassiness.  The added spice to Supernatural is Dean's character.  Having him reacting, adds texture and emotion to the overall Supernatural story.  Seeing Sam in danger freaks us out.  And seeing Dean go into rescue mode calms us down because ''don't worry, he'll save Sam''.  Meanwhile:

Samstans:  Why do they have to wussify Sam to make Dean look good?

Deanstans:  So is Dean totally pointless until Sam is in trouble? Give him his own story, for goodness sake.  

Season 7 was the first season where the brothers were starting to take a minor back seat to other characters, but Sam was getting sick with hallucinations and Dean was going into protective big brother mode, and that was because Ross-Lemming and her agenda came on board and had not been promoted yet, to a position of power.  In Season 8, the promotion happened.  Suddenly Dean and Sam are separated.  They are at loggerheads.  Their reconciliation was meh! but suddenly we started to lose Dean to demonDean, MarkofCain Dean, BesottedwithAmara Dean, and now MichaelDean.  In other words, we are losing our unique jewel of Supernatural: The Dean Winchester who added texture to the landscape of Supernatural.  Plus, the focus is not just on Dean and then Sam dealing with it.  No, we have Cas, luci, Jack, the icky sheriff girls, Mary and Fake Bobby, the AU people and everyone else ''dealing with it'', unlike season three where Dean was going to hell but was still quintessentially Dean and a freaking out Sam who didn't want to lose his brother.  We didn't lose the hurt/comfort scenario and we didn't lose the jewel.  Because Dean was still Dean, just in peril. 

Instead of sleepy towns, and sharing a room at a motel somewhere, we now have the insufferable bunker with separate lives.  The Old Supernatural is dead and gone and will probably never return.  And that is because you created the unnecessary division.  And when rogues entered fandom, carrying destiel banners, they realized nobody was really listening to them so they started carrying other banners like ''WaywardSisters'', ''GenIsMyQueen, ''DanIsMyQueen'' and ''Dean Winchester''.  They were pretending to be DeanStans.  They worked tirelessly and created the division while stupid stans were fighting over nothing in fandom.  Sure, the hellers ruined fandom.  But both stans helped. 

I am a bibro, because I am not petty enough to fight over which guy is more awesome and who is getting more lines of dialogue.  I observe, without prejudice, what seasons work and why they did.  I like both Js equally.  I get irritated with Dean sometimes.  I get irritated with Sam sometimes.  Sometimes Jensen annoys me.  Sometimes Jared annoys me.  Does that mean I hate them?  NO.  It just means they did something I didn't like.  Am I going to flip out over it?  No, I will just hope it never happens again and more on.  Especially when stans act like the J's mothers.  Stop trying to rescue the boys, from an opinion. 

I remember a fan saying once, in a YouTube comment section, that she hated how Jensen chews gum during his panels.  Not the best reason to hate someone.  Maybe the chewing was really annoying for some people to watch.  Maybe she was looking for a fault.  Maybe she was trolling.  Another time a fan said that she didn't like how Jared always says ''without further ado''.  All of the above I mentioned previously apply here too.  Both observations seem petty.  The respective stans flew into actions:

Excuse me, are you perfect?

Do you have a problem with his breathing too?

Why are you being so petty?

There, there.  I am sorry his existence irks you.

Here is what will happen because of this outburst, instead of scrolling by and ignoring the offender.  The offender might have been making an observation and not genuinely hating the guy.  She will now.  She will hate him and his fans.  You are hurting his reputation.  Others reading the exchange will become disillusioned, because ''that section of the fandom is so problematic''.  They will lose respect in the actor and his fans.  One stupid comment and instead of ignoring it, you have a meltdown.  Meanwhile, there is only gushing going on, on a Misha video.  Despite the fact that Misha has such a negative personality, his fans stand by him and gang up collectively on anyone who might ''hurt'' Misha.  So they are barricaded in their little fandom.  Yes, they are toxic.  But at least they have unity.  Shame on you lot.  The bibros are trying to keep this fandom together and keep Misha and his hellers at bay.  And here you are, making matters worse, because you dont know how to behave, treat each other with respect and treat the other J and his character with tolerance.  Shame on you. 

[aprilhollingworthblog]

Being diagnosed with autism changed my life – for the better

APRIL HOLLINGWORTH DISCUSSES HOW AN AUTISM DIAGNOSIS CAN ACT AS A CATALYST FOR POSITIVE CHANGE AND EMPOWERMENT.

I was diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome, a type of autism, when I was 38 years-old, for me this diagnosis was a relief, simply because I could now understand myself better.

For example, I learned why switching from one task to another felt unnatural and in job situations near impossible. I also understood why sounds felt amplified and overwhelming, such as when a group of people are all talking together. It feels to me as if they’re shouting and their voices echoing off of every surface.I learned why my sense of smell is heightened, which can affect me in shops, especially in the detergent and deodorant isles. 

Those smells linger with me well after the person has left the shop, making that section cloying and hard for me to enter, leaving me feeling as if I’ve been sprayed with fifty different scents directly into my face, making it almost impossible to breathe.

There are many preconceptions about Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) that are seriously wrong and can be damaging to a person who has it. For instance, when someone finds out I’m autistic they might say:“You don’t look autistic are you sure you have it?”Yes, I’m sure I’m autistic and have the letter to prove it. Autistic people are not born with a tattoo across our foreheads stating we are autistic. We look just the same as everyone else.

“Is there any medication to cure you?”Autism is not a disease. So no, there is no medication for it to ‘cure us’ of it.“I know someone who is more autistic than you are, so you’re fine!”

Every Autistic person is different, you might find strong similarities between one autistic person and another, but there will be differences. This is why it’s called a spectrum. Also, and this is a very important point, it will depend how well the autistic person masks. (I’ll explain later about masking).

“Autistic ‘meltdowns’ are an excuse for bad behavior!” 

No, far from it, a meltdown is not fun.“Autism is caused by something the mother did wrong when the child was in the womb!”No, autism is not caused by anyone. It is how our brains are wired and this is why autistics are classified as neurodiverse.

“Autism is caused by the baby having immunization injections!”

No, it most certainly is not. Nothing ‘causes’ autism. Autistics are born autistic, you can’t catch it, it’s not contagious and you can’t be given it either.

“I wish my autistic child had cancer so that they can be cured or die.”

Yes, you read that correctly, there is a book written by a father of two autistic children that wrote this! Being autistic is not a death sentence, does it make us different, yes but that’s not a bad thing. Everyone is unique and every autistic is unique from each other too. This is why it’s a spectrum – not a one for all.

“You must be good at maths if you’re autistic?”

No, in fact I’m terrible at maths. Autistics normally excel in a certain thing because they have a deep interest in it. I excel in the written word. I love reading, history and writing. I’m an author and have always been fascinated by different genres and certain aspects in history and the supernatural. Whereas for subjects that don’t hold my attention, my brain switches off, goes for a holiday and forgets to tell me. My interest isn’t there, so my brain doesn’t see the point in retaining that information.

WHAT IS A MELTDOWN?

Well instead of telling you what a meltdown is, I’m going to help you understand it by getting you to imagine what exactly it feels like.

Imagine you’re in a situation and you feel overwhelmed.

Now, amplify every sound around you by eighty percent. This includes electronic sounds, cars, people talking, music, your own heartbeat. Bring in the scents around you, you won’t want to because your hearing is already distressed but bring them in anyway.

You’ll have the smell of food, sweat, grass, car fumes, deodorants and perfumes, oil, and other smells depending where you are at the time. Once you have those smells rack them up to seventy percent.

Now this is two external factors that are amplified and affecting you. So, let’s move onto your next one, skin contact. Your skin will become aware of every fibre touching it – this is why autistics are particular about what we wear. 

Certain textures can aggravate us and feel constrictive, every fiber that touches our skin, especially during a meltdown, can either sooth or hinder us.If the item is soft, it can give us a sense of comfort or even be one less obstacle taken out of the path of a meltdown, whilst rough tight clothing can add to our distress. The jeans that were comfortable a moment before? 

Those fibers are now itchy, the button is now digging into us and the nickle it’s made of is aggravating.The top you are wearing now feels like it’s constricting your throat. You try pulling it away to help you breathe, but whilst this is going on an external contact can come about from another person. 

This is something you can’t control. You can choose what you wear to control how the clothing feels against your body, but not what another person is wearing or even what scents they use.And now on top of everything else your chest is tightening. You can’t breathe because your lungs feel as if they can’t work, your body is feeling weighted down and you have to do something, your brain is screaming at you that you must do something now!

Your hearing and sense of smell have now increased to one hundred percent. Panic has set into your mind and body, it is all consuming and devastating, you must take control of yourself before you collapse or tailspin out of control completely. Your anxiety has skyrocketed, and nothing is making sense anymore.

Congratulations, you have now reached meltdown status.

MASKING

Masking is one of those things’ autistics learn to do from an early age. It’s not always a conscious effort, but it does take a strain eventually. Autistics mask so that they can adapt in a world made for neurotypical people.A way to think of masking is like this. 

Imagine you walk into a room filled with people, they’re all talking about different things and laughing at jokes. You don’t understand the joke though. Your brain can’t see what’s funny about it but, instead of standing out you chuckle along with everyone else feeling completely alien and bewildered, yet your expression will reflect that of others so that you fit in and don’t draw unnecessary attention to yourself.

Now you wander into a different room and there are different social key points happening, but you don’t know what they are. It’s like someone handed out the how-to guide to navigate the world and forgot to pass one out to you. So, you’re constantly trying to figure it out and it’s not as if the social etiquette stays the same; nope, that would be too easy, instead it constantly changes. Everyone is getting their updates, except you.

Reading this might make you wonder if this makes autistics ‘fake or deceivers’, the simple answer is no, it most certainly doesn’t.

Think of how you are when you travel to somewhere different and the rules of the place haven’t been explained to you. If you get them wrong though, there will be serious consequences.So, you try and traverse through the rules and regulations as best as you can, without causing offence or unwanted attention directed at you. 

Does this change who you are? No, obviously it doesn’t, this is exactly the same for autistics except everyday we’re having to do this, eventually this causes a strain on our health and we can tailspin into depression.This is why quite often the autistic in your life might take time out for themselves, which might last from a few minutes to a few years, depending on how much we need.

LIFE FOR ME AS AN AUTISTIC

For me, finding out I have autism has been a blessing. As I mentioned earlier, I have learnt why certain things affect me the way they do and why I find certain situations almost impossible to traverse. But it’s also made me realize my own potential.

I didn’t do well in school, I was informed by a career guidance counselor that my dreams of being a writer were ridiculous as I’m not smart enough, so I was advised to think about what shop I want to work. This, as you can imagine, affected me substantially.

Even with the encouragement I received from my family to get my poetry published, I believed that was pointless. As the words of the guidance counselor bellowed in my head, “you’re not clever enough!”

I sent off some of my poetry and won Best Irish Poet Award for my poem “Don’t Morn the Dead.” But I still didn’t believe in myself. I started writing more poems and made attempts at some stories (which I still haven’t finished), and in 2010 I finally self-published my book of poems, called Different Kinds of Emotions.It took another few years, for me to start following my dream of being an author though, but once I did, I became happy in myself. 

Now I have a trilogy (The Candi Reynolds Series) and a short novella (Be Mine: A Candy Hearts Romance) published through The Wild Rose Press publishing house and am currently writing my next series.

I’ve finally, after 25 years, realized I’m not stupid and can achieve anything that I decide to do. The only limitations I have, is the ones I place in front of me. My school career guidance counselor made an assumption about me due to the difficulties I had, but those assumptions impacted my life in more ways than anyone ever could have imagined.

I doubted myself. I doubted my talent, my interests, my very passion for research, history, and creativity. Even with the encouragement from my family, I still doubted I was smart enough, capable enough or good enough.Once I was finally diagnosed, I was able to re-evaluate myself, I looked at my achievements – such as becoming an author, something I was informed I was not capable of – and I wondered, what else can I achieve?

I found a course I was interested in, by pure accident, and applied for it and was accepted straight away. That course was Journalism in the Digital Age, which I followed up with a course in Radio Broadcasting, both of which I passed with distinction.

I’m now getting ready to head off to university to study for my BA (Hons) in Media Production.This is why I believe being diagnosed with autism is a blessing for me. With my diagnoses I have been able to understand myself and make changes in my life that I never would have thought I was capable of.

This is why it’s important not to put limitations or assume things about others. You don’t know how it will affect them and what it can prevent them from achieving. Being different, thinking in a way that is different from the norm, is not a bad thing – far from it.

Presumptions are one of the worst things in life, they can hold people back, prevent amazing things from happening and destroy wonderful potential connections because someone assumed something about someone else.Life is short and too precious to be ruled by someone else’s prejudices.

https://thecurrent.ie/being-diagnosed-with-autism-changed-my-life-for-the-better/ #autismawareness #thecurrent

[junker-town]

‘The Bachelor’ Recap: Let’s go to ... Cleveland?!

ABC

Football, amusement parks, and ... dating country singers?

We at SB Nation realize The Bachelor is very much sports. Therefore, each week we’ll recap all the heartbreak, drama, and excitement. If you missed anything, catch up on last week’s action here.

Get excited! Pilot Peter is taking this show on the road as he and the ladies are going to ...

CLEVELAND!

ABC

“Did he say...Cleveland?”

The excitement was palpable. I fully respect the self-awareness of this Cleveland.com article discussing The Bachelor’s trip to their fair city, saying, “We’re betting, though, like most tourists that come here, they’ll be pleasantly surprised at what they find.”

Look, Cleveland is actually pretty delightful, but Cleveland seems like a letdown when you consider that Colton’s ladies went to SINGAPORE for their first trip away from the Bachelor Mansion. Previous seasons went to Park City, Lake Tahoe, and Hilton Head for their first foray into the real world, so I can see how maybe the home of the Cleveland Browns was a bit of a let down.

One-on-one date — Victoria F.

I love amusement parks (shoutout Busch Gardens Williamsburg ... you’re my jam). They’re fun, rollercoasters are great, and there’s relatively good food and beer depending on where you go. Peter takes Victoria F. to Cedar Point, which THEY HAVE ENTIRELY TO THEMSELVES*.

*I am assuming there is staff there to, you know, run the rides.

This is arguably a perfect date, and the pair has a ton of fun riding rides without having to wait in line with hundreds of their closest friends. After a couple beers, they wrap up the day portion with a surely relaxing private concert featuring country singer Chase Rice.

Wait, Victoria F., why do you look so concerned?

ABC

“Wait, who is that singing.”

Turns out, SHE USED TO DATE SAID COUNTRY SINGER. Ah, Bachelor producers, you got us again.

At dinner, Victoria F. breaks the news (more on that later) that she and Rice used to date, and the most hilarious conversation in Bachelor franchise history ensued:

Victoria F: So, Chase and I used to date.

Peter: Like, the singer Chase?

[pause]

Peter: Like, the guy that was doing the concert?

Victoria F: Yeah.

Peter: Wait, what?

Victoria F: [solemnly nods]

Peter: [bewildered] No.

Victoria: I’m like shaking right now.

Peter: The guy that was singing? I talked to him. What?

After Peter got over the initial shock that, like, the singer Chase was the one Victoria F. was referring to, he was pretty chill. She got the rose and was serenaded by a man — not Chase Rice, unfortunately — playing the cello.

Group date

What do you when you’re in Cleveland? [checks notes] Football! Peter takes the ladies to FirstEnergy Stadium for the Bachelor Bowl, during which they LEGIT hit each other.

They are hitting harder in #TheBachelor football game tonight than in several Big 12 games I watched this year. This is Utah-BYU level hitting. Sheesh

— Alex Kirshner (@alex_kirshner) January 28, 2020

On the first play from scrimmage, Shiann rattles off one of her four touchdown runs, completely exposing the defense of the yellow team.

ABC

It actually turns into a great game, with the yellow squad — who are inexplicably called The Killer Bs — tying the game at 28 as the clock expires. Congratulations, ladies. Your prize is that all 13 of you go to the evening portion of the date. What could go wrong?

Wait, what’s that? IS THAT ALAYAH’S MUSIC?

[Extremely Eminem voice] Guess who’s back? Back again. Alayah’s back. Tell a friend.

All the ladies get VERY upset, and in true naive-Peter fashion, he gives Alayah the group rose. You know, the rose for the group date she wasn’t on and didn’t sacrifice her body for.

One-on-one date — Kelsey

In case you forgot over the last week, Kelsey is best-known in the house for her role in the Champagne Crisis that dominated house discussion for the first two weeks. Peter and Kelsey just wandered around downtown Cleveland for their date, stumbling upon a polka party that honestly looked like a blast.

At the dinner (AKA “tell your saddest story”) portion of the evening, Kelsey told Peter that she found out about her parents’ impending divorce before her mom found out ... BECAUSE SHE CAME HOME TO A NOTE FROM HER DAD ON THE COUNTER WITH HIS WEDDING RING.

That’s ... brutal.

He disappeared to Mexico to start a new life, and she didn’t see him for 12 years. Yikes. She got a well-deserved hug and the rose, ensuring her mansion safety for another week.

Cocktail party

If you love the Alayah vs. the world drama, you loved the cocktail party portion of the episode. Poor, sweet Peter was so excited coming into the cocktail party, and then he saw the ladies.

ABC

Look how excited they are! Deandra and Natasha call Peter on his bullshit of bringing back Alayah, he has a really weird conversation with Victoria P., and the episode runs out of time before anyone is eliminated.

Onto the highlights!

Most low-key insults of Cleveland

It’s fair to say the ladies weren’t stoked to go to Ohio. I appreciate the work Chris Harrison put in to build it up, but here’s the video of the announcement:

Just incredible pic.twitter.com/so3cczI0zR

— lindsey ok (@lindseyyok) January 28, 2020

Once the ladies got over the shock of being told they were going to Cleveland, they dropped some fire backhanded compliments at the home of the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame.

“When I think of Ohio, I don’t really think of romance, but I hope Cleveland surprises us.”

“None of us have really gone there, so you know what, Cleveland? Bring it on.”

“I wasn’t expecting it to be this nice.”

Most thought-out reason for having an even number of kids — AMUSEMENT PARKS

After riding a bunch of rides at Cedar Point, Peter asked Victoria F. how many kids she wanted. Her reply? Four. Peter was overly enthusiastic about this response, sharing that he wanted to have either two OR four kids. Not one. Not three. His reasoning?

He didn’t want to go to an amusement park as a family with an odd number of kids because then someone would have to ride alone.

Me:

Most unnecessary meltdown — Victoria F.

Congratulations, Victoria. You have taken what should have been an automatic award to Mykenna, who seemingly cries every 14 seconds.

Look. Is it weird to have an awkward special concert at a nearly empty amusement park? Yes! Is it insanely unfortunate to have an ex surprise you as the one serenading you and your new beau in aforementioned amusement park? Absolutely! Is this your fault in any way or should you be ashamed? LOL, hell no.

Who gives a shit, Victoria? You ran into your incredibly hot ex. Most of us wish that this could happen when you’re a) looking pretty as hell, and b) are on a super-fun date with a new guy.

Of course Victoria acts super weird, gets all dramatic when she tells Peter, and runs away to cry in a corner during the dinner portion of the date. If Peter had made a big deal out of it, maybe I could understand the reaction — but he was super cool and expected the women to have pasts that involve exes.

To be fair, this moment was so epically awkward they should hang this in the Louvre:

ABC

Best football advice — Hanford Dixon

After the pink team easily broke free for a touchdown, former Cleveland Brown Hanford Dixon told Deandra, “You can’t let them run and make a touchdown, because if they make a touchdown, then they score, and we’re at a disadvantage. Does everybody understand?”

I mean, he’s not wrong.

Football MVP — Shiann

DAMN GIRL. Shiann, or “Shiannimal” as Pete called her, seemingly rushed for all four touchdowns for the Eliminators. She dominated the opposing team’s defense, and Natasha offered to “block for her ass” so she could grab Peter first in the date’s now-overcrowded evening portion.

Well done, Shiann. Well done. You’re now a Cleveland Brown!

[reyavd-blog]

11.02.2000

Feb 11

We had been planning to have a sleepover with Yuki. However ever since I got up in the morning, I felt a bit sick. I was coughing and sniffling and maybe even had some fever. Mum said I could not go. That was very disappointing.

I did homework in the morning and in the afternoon I got to go to dad's workplace to use the internet. I chatted in a chatroom (Microsoft Chat back then!!) and met a girl from Korea. She is 13 too. She did not seem to be very good at English but she was very friendly and kept asking me for my E- mail address. She gave me hers too. I shall write to her... It would be so cool if we get to become friends!

At night, as I was figuring out how to get rid of the cold asap, dad told me of this method he heard from a friend. A Chinese method, apparently. You are meant to stick pieces of garlic to certain spots on your body (8 pulse points) with band aids or something and go to sleep with it. Of course I had to give it a try!

Feb 12

I felt alright today. But mum still did not allow me to go for the sleepover! Why on earth did I have to tolerate this garlic? For the whole night, arms and legs were really painful and I kept waking up. In the morning it turned out that I was covered in burns and even bubble blisters! (They hurt for days and all then left permanent scars, all 8 spots! Especially visible is a round discoloured scar on my wrist. I had decided to consider it a symbol of my undying love for Yuki later on).

Feb 19

We had a mini sports festival at school. I had to play a game that is like baseball but you have to kick a ball instead of using a bat. I did very badly. Probably worse than everyone. I could neither throw nor catch well. Although our team did well overall, I did not feel happy at all. Yuki was annoying. Not just her actually, girls from her class. They were screaming louder than everyone. They were fairly good at kicking but still... I think it was really unnecessary. But maybe it is fun for them. Maybe I would have been shrieking too if I had friends. But from the viewpoint of the losing team it sounds very upsetting and from any other perspective - silly. We ended up defeating them in fact. Don't know how it happened.

At night, mum did allow me to go to a sleepover. After she had a meltdown. Me and Pete tried to calm her down and cooked dinner together for us all. Eventually mum cheered up and let me go. I was just sad myself though somehow. Wanted to cry too.

I had a lot of fun at Yuki's. We looked through a catalogue and then played in chat rooms. Then we washed each other's hair before going to bed to chat. Had a bit of dirty talk. She gave me a couple of pairs of earrings.

Feb 24

Today I thought that I cannot do anything right. As I watched the others play basketball very well and Yui drawing a caricature of Ima. It looked so accurate! Everyone said so. And I have never been told that I am good at portraits. But after deliberating about it in the toilet later that evening I concluded that there is some good in me too.

On the way back from school Yuki was saying that she wished she had a boyfriend. That everyone else has one (although it is actually only like 3 girls that we know!) But what boyfriends do they have! One of the guys is a total perv! He used to be in love with Yuki but then went on to date another girl. I would have never agreed! Does it mean that Yuki likes him then? I do feel glad that she tells me this stuff though.

Feb 29

We had a couple of days of exams at school. During one of the tests today I thought of something funny and giggled. When it occurred to me that I am laughing on my own during an exam, that made it more funny and I burst out laughing and could not stop! It really took me some time to calm down. I actually laughed a lot today. At home I knocked a glass of milk all over the table as I laughed and that was somehow so funny I almost suffocated laughing.

Mar 3

We have been getting the exams back. I had over 80% for all subjects. It's not bad but I was upset that Mami got 3% more than me in overall score. Wish I could beat her at least once! We didn't speak to each other for the morning but then made up. I was not even angry with her anyway. I was upset about the situation.

On 6th period we played dodge-ball. It was very boring because I was knocked out at the very beginning. What's the point in playing if I can't even really participate? But then I got the ball off a tree. I missed climbing! Everyone was so surprised! What's so unusual about climbing a tree?

Mar 6

During the English period, there was a question "why do the Japanese always ask foreigners if they are from America". I told the girls during the recess that the Japanese are stupid for not knowing that there are other nationalities out there apart from theirs and the Americans. They all got upset with me for it. I really did not understand why. What other explanation is there? It really is offensive when they do that!

Mar 8

Today parents scolded me because "I don't love anyone and only think about myself". They even said that I wished my mum to die and that I never did any good to anyone. Like I never try! Does not seem like I ever succeed! I got so upset with this! As if anyone loves me! But then I cheered up a bit when I listened to S Club 7 CD. I thought that I really want to go to Australia and go to a live concert with some friend. First I thought that there is no way it could happen. But then it occurred to me that dreams are meant to come true. I think I am only being sustained by music and hope.