#Depicting in fiction is easy to argue

[maipareshaan]

Attributing anti behaviour to Evangical Christianity is so weird to me, one idek what it means, but in general concepts of justice and making safe spaces by punting out the freaks and harmful people is worse when you decide something is an 'ism' or 'abuse apologism', and i don't think this has much to do with religious attitudes or suffering but of how anything goes for activism for safe spaces.

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

There's definitely a conversation to be had about the presentation of real historical figures in historical fiction, I think. As both a professional historian (PhD student 🤘🏾😔) and a man of color, I'm a bit more sensitive to this than a lot of people, and for me it always comes down to the question - what real harm is being done here?

And that's where I think OFMD does well enough for me to be comfortable. If you look at the fact that the show is based on real-life terrible people who did awful things and participated in the slave trade and you don't wanna fuck with the show, that's completely understandable, but I find it so much more palatable than (for the easy comparison) a piece of media like Black Sails (I actually like Black Sails, believe it or not, but there are a lot of things about how it treats many of these same figures that make me uncomfortable).

Now, yes, OFMD is hand-wavey with the slave trade in the Caribbean. None of our main characters own slaves or directly reference the slave trade (again, this is a romcom, I'd be shocked if they did). For me, this works alright for two big reasons. First, there are things that I think you can include in a romcom and have it still be a romcom, and a thoughtful, respectful depiction of the slave trade would take the show firmly out of romcom territory. Second, the show doesn't pretend racism doesn't exist, it treats its characters of color as three-dimensional people, and we always get the last laugh when racism is depicted. The very first episode sets the scene by having racist English Navy officers demean and call a Black character "slave" and they immediately get their asses kicked for it. Compare this to a show like Black Sails, where one of my main criticisms is how we're expected to sympathize with characters who actively participate in the slave trade and own slaves.

My other thing here is the people OFMD is working with are both heavily mythologized and not treated with any degree of historical accuracy. Many of our characters who are famous pirate names you might know are nothing like their real-world counterparts (take pirate queen Zheng Yi Sao, who wasn't even born yet when the show takes place). We know so little about any of the real people, anyway, that OFMD doesn't even bother trying to get anything right.

Like I said, I'm a professional historian and I love working with the golden age of piracy. That's a big reason I was drawn to this show in the first place! And if there's one thing I know, it's that pirates have been made into legends. We know very little about the real people, and in pop culture they're just myths.

The characters in OFMD are basically fictional characters working with the loose mythology based around the real people.

Now, back to my big thesis here: are the real, awful people benefitting in any way from OFMD taking these characters and making them into the good guys? Realistically, no, I'd argue. Most people with any critical thinking skills know that real pirates were not good people. Many people think Blackbeard is a made-up generic pirate character as it is. I've been to the real-life Stede Bonnet's grave site (NOT for the show, this was years before it aired and I was visiting the archives there to see the trial documents for a research project), and the historic marker there says he was "brought to justice." No one is wataching this show and thinking "oh those real guys must have been pretty great dudes!" because it's not about those real people.

This show isn't trying to change your perception of the real people, it's showing you fictional characters with the same names. One of our characters is runnig around in crocs, this show isn't trying to teach you about history or the real people and it's obvious.

If you're put off by the premise, I get it! But I just don't buy the idea that OFMD is putting anything harmful into the world just by existing.

[therhythmafterthesummer]

Afraid to Lose You (M) ~Bang Chan

Pairing: Werewolf!Chan x Human!F.Reader Themes: Supernatural/Fantasy AU | Smut | Fluff | bit Angsty | Established Relationship | Soulmate AU Word Count: ~9k | AO3 Synopsis: The aftermath of an argument with a supernatural being was something no one ever prepared you for, much less if that supernatural being was someone you were romantically involved with. You figured it’d happen eventually, you just weren’t aware of how much it could hurt. [This is an instalment of my WereRoomies series. You don’t particularly need to read the other instalments to understand this, but it’ll add more depth to the story if you do, so I highly recommend it~]. Warnings: chubby/curvy MC · usage of the word ‘fat’ in a neutral/positive manner · mandatory Christopher Is Intense warning, but the reader is also Intense so it’s very mutual · couple arguments · they’re in love, your honour · graphic depictions of intercourse (smut warnings under the cut) .

Author’s Note: i felt like portraying this side of our dearest pack parents. apologies in advance. special thanks to @cursed-mars-bars for reading this and sharing her thoughts with me💜

Due to all the abovementioned warnings, this story is intended for an adult audience only. Minors please do not interact.

Chris’ WereRoomies Instalments:  It’s Cold Out · Rut · Alpha Dog · It’s Warm In · Love is Easy · Afraid to Lose You. For extra drabbles, check out the series masterlist.

Smut Warnings: oral [M.Rec] · fingering [F.Rec] · unprotected penetration [piv. no barrier method, but the reader is presumed to be on birth control] · creampie.

Disclaimer: the story represented in this work does not represent Stray Kids in any way; anything described in this story and all actions performed by the characters are purely fictional, this was created just for good fun.

It was rare for you and Chris to have disagreements, but they did happen. You’d argue sometimes, over small things that usually could be resolved by taking some time to cool down and talk it out after. It was usually fine.

What happened just a few minutes ago was completely unprecedented.

You weren’t really sure how it all got out of hand so quickly. It was probably the fact that Chris had arrived home from work at midnight, starving and tired out of his mind, the fact that you decided to talk about such a sensitive topic right then and there, right as he munched on a sandwich.

‘What if you turn me? Wouldn’t that be better?’ You’d had those questions on the back of your mind for a while now, mulling on the possibility of your boyfriend turning you into a werewolf, into what he himself was. To you, it made more sense, since you were essentially leading a pack with him. You being human, in your mind, made it so there were certain things you couldn’t do, or activities you couldn’t participate in, and, sometimes, you’d admit you got a bit insecure about it.

‘Absolutely not’, you’d never heard Chris say something so firmly, so incredibly serious.

For some reason, you got defensive, Chris got defensive, and at some point everything started escalating. If you thought about it in depth, it was probably the time of day, the fact that you were both tired. 

He was so stubborn, and, in that moment, whatever he told you felt just so diminishing, something he’d never ever made you feel, something he never did. Logically, you knew Chris valued you and your opinions, but tonight, it seemed like logic wasn’t leading his train of thought, nor yours.

‘What the fuck’s gotten into you? Why’s this suddenly a problem?’ He’d asked at some point, probably louder than he had intended to, and, it just made you answer louder in return. 

It wasn’t just suddenly a problem, it had always been a problem. Or, at least, it seemed like that to you right then, when you were talking to him.

‘I don’t want you to turn!’

‘And what if I do want to?!’ You’d countered, because, ultimately, wasn’t what you wanted what mattered most?

‘Are you out of your mind?!’

Chris never ever spoke to you like that, and maybe that was why you got defensive. 

‘So if I don’t do what you want I’m out of my mind?!’

‘That’s not what I said!’

It was a seemingly endless back and forth, an endless loop of both you and him further rubbing salt in the freshly open wound. Saying things you didn’t mean, in ways that were nowhere near appropriate, until you just couldn’t take it anymore.

“That’s it. I’m fucking leaving”, you took your phone and your keys, and it was just as you were putting your shoes on that Chris caught up to you.

“Where the fuck are you going?!”

“Away!” You turned to look at him. You weren’t really sure how to read the expression on his face. Angry? Tired? Annoyed? Hurt? You honestly couldn’t reason it too much, you were too preoccupied trying not to cry. Because you’d be damned if you cried right now. “Can’t stand being near you right now”.

“But–!”

“I said I’m leaving”, you interrupted him, still speaking louder than you normally would, but no longer shouting, at least. “I need space, Christopher”.

Chris didn’t follow you after you stepped out of your flat and slammed the door closed. You knew he wouldn’t, and you honestly didn’t want him to, it would’ve probably made everything so much worse.

You knew where you wanted to go, but there was no way you could get there at this time without a car. So you made your way to Changbin’s. If they turned you down you’d try someone else, but, even in the unstable state of your mind, you knew they wouldn’t.

So, as soon as you stood in front of Changbin’s door, you knocked. It was late, you were well aware of that, but there was only one person you felt like you could go to right now, and you were sure they wouldn’t hold it against you.

When Changbin’s girlfriend opened the door, hair mussed, wearing nothing but a nightgown, you hauled yourself at her, hugging her tightly and burying your face in the crook of her neck. You couldn’t stop the tears anymore, it was too late for that.

She was a bit taken aback, but she immediately hugged you back, mumbling a quiet, and very, very sleepy ‘Hey, honey, what’s wrong? What happened?’

You couldn’t mutter a single word, you just sobbed against her shoulder as she waddled back into the flat with you in her arms, closing the door quietly behind her.

When you finally managed to pull yourself away from her shoulder, she cradled your face in her hands, wiping your tears away, but they wouldn’t stop. “Baby, what happened?”

You just shook your head, hugging her again.

“Is Chris okay?” You heard Changbin mumble from somewhere behind you, and you shook your head again, not even looking at him, getting your friend’s shoulder drenched in your tears.

Changbin sighed, but he didn’t sound annoyed. If anything, it was a worried sigh. After a few moments of silence, you heard the front door open and close.

“He’s gone”, Changbin’s girlfriend mumbled, patting your shoulder. “Babe, talk to me. Can’t help you if you don’t”.

With a deep, shaky breath, you finally pulled yourself away from her shoulder so you could look at her.

Wiping the trail of tears on your cheeks, you mumbled, “I need a favour…”

Being in your mother’s house always made you feel safe. Which was why you always ended up here whenever you needed some time to disconnect from the outside world and think about things. 

Your mother didn’t even question why you’d appeared in her house in the middle of the night with one of your friends, she simply let you in and offered Changbin’s girlfriend a warm drink and essentially begged her to stay the night because ‘It’s really late, darling. You already drove all the way here, you should rest before you leave…’

You were honestly happy she took the offer. That night, when you finally made it to your childhood room, Changbin’s girlfriend slept with you, hugging you close in an attempt to soothe your aching heart.

On the way here, you’d told her the details of what had happened, of your argument with Chris, and she had been nothing but understanding the entire time. Even if you’d woken her up all of a sudden, she still drove you to your mother’s place when you asked her to, regardless of the time, and without any hesitation.

‘Call me if you need anything. Hm?’ was the last thing she told you the next day before she left, and you honestly couldn’t help but feel immensely grateful. Not only for her help, but for her friendship in general.

Three days had passed since then, and, as you stared up at the ceiling, way past midnight, with your eyes fixed on the spinning fan, you just couldn’t ignore the heavy feeling in your chest. 

This was the longest you’d spent without talking to Chris, and you quickly realised you absolutely hated it.

Whenever you felt like you needed to think things through and regroup your feelings you had always tried to pull yourself away from the situation, cool down, and then go back to face it head on and resolve the problem. However, what you hadn’t anticipated was how much you’d hate being away from your home, being away from Chris…

You honestly weren’t sure if it’d been worth it at all. All you’d felt these days was this all-consuming feeling of sadness, coupled with an immeasurable amount of longing. All that introspection you’d done during your stay here was quickly bringing you to the conclusion that things had blown out of proportion.

Turning to look at your bedside table, you stared at the journal you’d found this morning in the bottom drawer of your dresser. From things you’d dreamt, to things that had happened to you at school, to arguments with friends…Reading your thoughts from when you were little was a bit amusing, considering how all your problems from back then seemed so insignificant now. You enjoyed reading them regardless, though.

Taking your phone in your hand, you unlocked it and went to your messaging app. Your eyes fixed on the screen in front of you, re-reading the messages Changbin and Seungmin had sent you this morning.

> BroBin💪: i’m sure you have a very valid reason to not be here > i know it’s only been like 2 days > and i know it’s none of my business > but chris is absolutely miserable  > and i just can’t bear seeing him like that > if you asked for space i doubt he’ll reach out to you first > so i’m literally begging you to please consider talking to him

Of course Changbin was worried about Chris. He always was, and you wholeheartedly understood him, but Seungmin’s messages were the ones you’d been mulling over the most.

> Seungminnie🐶: mama > u dont have to respond and i know u prolly wont > no one has said anything > but i noticed ur not here > and christophers moping > are u not talking? > u should talk to him if thats the case > itd be really bad if you dont > i think theres something you should know…

These messages had been staring at you all day. You hadn’t really replied to Changbin, nor Seungmin–just like he’d predicted.

You’d admit you tended to isolate yourself when you needed a breather, even from friends. It was just insanely hard for you to reply to them, maybe irrationally so–not something you were proud of by any means, you were just overwhelmed.

Seungmin’s revelation had been roaming freely in your head since you read his messages… To top it all off, Chris was miserable, and you weren’t that much better, so what was the point of all this? 

Going back to your recent chats list, your finger hovered over your conversation with Chris, and you suddenly felt a knot form in your throat just at the sight of his name. That was enough for you to know it was time, you just couldn’t keep running away from this, so, with a racing heart, you clicked on his chat and quickly sent him a few messages, all before your own self-doubt made you recoil.

&lt; You: i’m sorry < for the things i said < you didnt deserve that

Not even twenty seconds after you sent those, you received Chris’ reply, so you replied as well.

> Chris 🐺💕: mind if i drop by ?

&lt; You: no i dont mind

> Chris 🐺💕: be there in around an hour

&lt; You: i’ll be in the backyard with joaquin < just fyi in case you ring the bell and i dont answer < you can just text when youre here

It was a forty-five minute drive from the den to your mother’s house, and that was not accounting for any possible traffic. Just thinking that Chris was making his way to you as soon as you gave him the go-ahead made you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. It reminded you that, ultimately, Chris would always respect your boundaries, he’d always lookout for you, and you honestly wanted to cry just thinking about it.

So, you got out of that bed as fast as you could and ran to your bathroom to take the quickest shower you possibly could. You’d honestly barely left your bed the entire time you’d been here–something your mother did comment on, but any of her efforts to get you out of your room were futile.

That shower made you feel as if you’d been reborn. People truly underestimated how a good shower could immensely improve your mood, yourself included. So, with a fresh pair of shorts and the oversized t-shirt you kept in your childhood room’s dresser, you finally made your way to the backyard, and sat on one of the chairs to watch Joaquín chase squirrels around.

Joaquín was your mother’s dog, whose favourite pastime was chasing rodents of all kinds. She adopted him from a shelter around five years ago, so you really didn’t know which breed he was–if any. He was a big dog, with black and brown coat, short haired, and probably one of the friendliest dogs you’d ever met–although, if you thought about it in depth, wouldn’t your boyfriend and your friends be the friendliest dogs you’d ever met? You just chuckled at the thought.

As soon as the one hour mark since you received your boyfriend’s texts passed you started to feel antsy. You’d glance at your phone every couple of minutes, or fiddle with the loose threads of the table cloth in front of you.

You started to worry, too. What if something had happened while Chris was driving here? What if he had an accident and the last thing you did together before it happened was have an argument? What if–

Suddenly, Joaquín bolted out of your sight, and you heard him barking as well as the undeniable sound of your boyfriend’s gentle voice trying to calm him down. “Hey there, buddy. It’s been a while, huh? Shh, yeah, yeah. It’s just me. Yeah, I know you’re excited, but tone it down a bit. You’re gonna wake up the whole neighbourhood at this rate…”

You couldn’t stop the smile from spreading on your face as you heard them talk to each other–as much as Chris talking to your mother’s dog and Joaquín barking at your boyfriend could be considered having a conversation. 

Just as you were about to walk back into the house, you heard a thud, and Joaquín quickly made his way to where you were, panting and wagging his tail.

Your boyfriend appeared seconds after, which immediately made Joaquín turn his attention back to him again.

“Hey”, Chris gave you a small smile, and it honestly made your heart skip a beat.

“Hey”, you watched as he instructed Joaquín to go play and give you two some space, to which the dog immediately complied. “I could’ve just met you at the front door, you know? No need to jump over the fence”.

 “Very true, but then I wouldn’t have been able to play burglar and dog with Joaquín”, Chris chuckled.

Silence enveloped you, and you simply took in the sight of your boyfriend. He was wearing one of his hoodies, a cap, and some gym shorts, the first items he probably found in the closet before coming here. Most worrying, though, was how pale his face looked.

“Have you gotten any sleep?” You couldn’t help but ask, the bags under his eyes and his overall complexion looked just like they did when he pulled an all-nighter, but somehow much worse.

Chris shrugged. “Have you?”

You hadn’t.

You’d been sleeping horribly.

Every time you tried to sleep you felt like something was missing, and anxiety made your heart feel heavy in your chest. If you did manage to fall asleep, you’d wake up a few hours after, mindlessly seeking your boyfriend’s body heat and finding none of it, which only fed that feeling of uneasiness that had clung to every fibre of your body.

“Not really, no”, you answered with honesty, because there was no point in hiding it. It was clear that you both were having a bad time, and you couldn’t help but feel incredibly guilty. “I’m sorry”.

“I’m sorry, too”, Chris replied simply, taking a step closer to where you were standing, clearly trying his best to not invade your personal space. 

It was so weird. Having Chris so physically distant to you, on purpose, was something you weren’t used to anymore, and the more he stayed rooted on the spot, the more you yearned to be enveloped in his warmth, in his scent.

So you took tentative steps towards him, all while Chris just looked at you with the saddest look in his eyes, resembling a kicked puppy. The only other time you could remember seeing this look on Chris’ face was the night you found out he and the rest of your friends were werewolves, right after you’d finished your confrontational conversation in the landing between floors, right after you told him not to follow you when you left.

“I shouldn’t have…spoken to you like that. I really am sorry”, you finally stood in front of him, but not as close as you wished you were.

“I shouldn’t have, either. I was exhausted that day, I let panic flood my brain, and I was being irrational”.

You couldn’t bear the distance anymore, so you reached for him, taking a hold of the front of his hoodie with an admittedly trembling grip. That simple gesture was all it took for Chris to finally move, to finally wrap his arms around your frame and hold you tight against his body. His sigh of relief didn’t go unnoticed, just like the way his muscles seemed to relax as soon as you were within his arms didn’t.

Relief washed over you immediately, especially when you buried your face in the crook of his neck, when you got that faint whiff of sea air that seemed to always emanate from your boyfriend.

“Pretty…” Chris cradled the back of your head, softly caressing your hair, holding you close. “You know I’d give you the world. Anything you asked me for…But this is something I won’t do, and that I beg you to not ask anyone else to do. It’s not certain you’d survive the turning process, and that’s a risk I’m just not willing to take”.

You hummed, moving your hands from his chest to instead wrap your arms around his waist so you could hold him tighter.

“I know you…can get in your head sometimes with this, but trust me, human you is just as adequate as a possible werewolf you. Why risk your life when you’re already perfect just as you are? I just…” Chris’ voice broke a little bit. It made your heart ache and a knot formed in your throat. He tightened his hold, taking a deep breath. “I can’t lose you, baby. I just can’t…Especially if it’s over something that can be avoided”.

“You won’t…” You mumbled against his neck, pressing a quick kiss on his skin. “You’re right…I was in my head. Overthinking…”

Chris hummed, and he pressed a kiss on your temple. “I’m still sorry for how I talked to you”.

“Me, too”, you rubbed your forehead on his shoulder, getting drenched in the smell of your shared home, in the smell of him. “I love you…”

Chris pulled away from you to cup your cheeks. The warmth of his palms on your face almost made your shiver, the soft drag of his thumbs over your skin had your heart beating fast in your chest, and the way he was looking at you, with his pretty eyes all glossy, as if you held his world in your hands, had tears collecting in your eyes.

“I love you. So much. You’re my everything, you know?”

You just nodded, and the second Chris’ lips were on yours you just couldn’t contain the soft whimper that came out of your throat.

Bringing your hands from where they had been wrapped around Chris’ middle, you took his cap off, held it in your hand, and buried the other in his slightly damp hair in one swift movement. Chris hummed, clearly relishing the tender caress of your fingers on his scalp. His tongue made contact with your bottom lip, and you immediately parted your lips to let him into your mouth.

With his hands on the small of your back, Chris simply held you close as he ravished your mouth, almost like he needed to kiss you to keep his heart beating, just like you did. It might’ve been three days, but those three days seemed to have lasted a lifetime, and now that you had your boyfriend’s warmth surrounding you again, you honestly couldn’t care about anything else.

Chris detached his lips from yours, only to reattach them to your cheek, pressing tender kisses on your skin. “Missed you so much, pretty…”

He said those words in a way that made it seem like a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders, and you wholeheartedly shared the sentiment. “Missed you, too, baby…”

“Come back home”, he mumbled against your cheekbone before pulling back. He cupped one of your cheeks in his hand, while the other remained on the small of your back. “Our bed just feels so empty and cold when you’re not there. I hate it”.

“I will”, you replied simply, leaning into his tender touch. “Tomorrow, though. It’s too late, baby, and you’ve barely had any sleep. Let’s stay here tonight?”

Chris hummed, pressing a brief kiss on your lips. “Sure. As long as I get to hug you to sleep tonight I don’t care where we stay”. 

Chris sent Minho and Changbin a quick message, letting them know he was here with you, and to not turn away any packmate that might need some alpha support tonight–you doubted there’d be any, but it was good they were prepared just in case. You honestly didn’t like that both you and Chris had to be away, but when Minho replied to Chris’ message with a simple ‘👌’ you felt immediately at ease.

“Is your mum sleeping?” Chris asked as soon as you were stepping back into the house, getting out of his shoes. 

You shook your head. “She’s not even home. She went out with her friends and had a bit too much to drink, so she’s staying with one of them”.

“So it was just gonna be you and Joaquín in this big house?” Chris turned to look at Joaquín, just as the dog made his way to the sofa. “You would’ve protected my girl if anything happened, right?”

The dog huffed, jumping on the sofa, turning a few times only to finally plop down on one of the ends, on his usual sleeping spot.

Chris just chuckled, shaking his head.

“What’d he say?” You took a hold of your boyfriend’s hand, offering a ‘Good night, Joaco baby’ to your mother’s dog after you sent her a quick text and went through the motions of switching the lights of the living room, right when you walked past him on your way to your room. 

“Essentially that he’d die for you”, Chris held your hand tighter. “And that he was happy to see you smile again”.

As Chris had explained it to you, animals didn’t really communicate with words. They gestured, their scents would change, and there was just something in their body language that made it so they could understand each other. It was funny to think that your boyfriend could hold conversations with your mother’s dog like this, especially when you knew that the only reason he was verbally talking to him, with human language, was because Chris wanted you to not feel left out, which you appreciated.

As soon as you made it to your room, you got out of your shorts to sleep only in the tee you were wearing like you usually did. After you pulled back the covers, you laid as close to the wall as possible, leaving enough room for your boyfriend. This bed was smaller than the one back home, so it’d be a tight fit, but you were sure he wouldn’t mind, just like you didn’t–if anything, tonight, you wanted zero space between you and Chris. You’d had enough of that the past three days.

Chris pulled his hoodie over his head, and he haphazardly placed it on your desk. He joined you on the bed after, immediately pulling you against his chest. 

“Sleeping in shorts? Who are you and what have you done to my boyfriend?” You couldn’t help but comment, chuckling a little as you started to caress his back.

Chris laughed, the sound a bit muffled against your hair. “I don’t know…being butt-naked at your mum’s doesn’t feel right”. 

“Mm…It’s the first time you’re sleeping here, isn’t it? Hadn’t realised”.

Chris hummed, absentmindedly playing with your hair. “First time laying on your childhood bed”.

“It’s more than a childhood bed at this point. I was sleeping here until I moved to your den”, a minute shiver shot down your spine when your boyfriend sneaked a hand under your shirt, slowly dragging it from your hip to your waist, where he settled to lightly squish the soft roll that usually formed there.

“Our den…But still”, Chris pressed a kiss to your forehead, and you scooted closer to him, relishing the drag of his hand over your bare skin. “Missed squishing you, pretty”.

You couldn’t help but chuckle. “That’s why you asked me to be your girlfriend, right? To be your own personal stress ball?”

“Mm. That, and because of your child bearing hips, and this scrumptious fat ass”, he moved his hand from your waist to your bum, patting it lightly, giggling.

“What about my thighs, though?”

“God, don’t mention your thighs. I’ll pop a chub”. 

“Ah, of course”, you brought your hand behind him to squeeze his buttock. “You’re just like me, then”. 

“See? That’s why we’re perfect for each other”, there was a playful tone in his voice, but you knew that under all his jokes, laid some real feelings, some very deep feelings that you were sure matched your own. 

You pulled yourself from his chest to look him in the eyes. A soft smile settled on your lips, and you brought a hand to his face so you could lightly drag your fingertips from his forehead, down the curve of his nose, only to finally catch on his plush bottom lip. “You know…I was reading my childhood journal…I used to write my dreams in that diary. I had forgotten so many of them, honestly. Most of them were all nonsensical shit, but…there’s one that was quite interesting. Wanna hear about it?”

Chris nodded, taking a hold of your hand to press kisses on your palm.

“So, started with me in the foyer putting my shoes on before I left the house. I ended up walking for a long time, until I found myself in a forest. There were faeries flying all around, gnomes mining rocks, leprechauns protecting pots of gold… It was fascinating. It felt like I was walking for hours, until I finally made it to a stream, where I found a wolf. And it was like this wolf and I just…knew each other. It laid down on the grass and I laid down as well, propping my head on him, like it was the fluffiest pillow. Kinda like we do sometimes at home when we’re cold, you know?”

Chris just hummed in confirmation, dragging his lips from your palm to your wrist, where he also pressed a few lingering kisses.

“Knowing what I know now, I’d like to think that wolf was you…” You continued, placing a hand on his chest. He was so warm and his heart was beating so fast–faster than usual… “Like it was you meeting me in my dreams before we even knew what we’d mean to each other”. 

“That’s…literally so cute, baby”, Chris mumbled against the skin of your wrist, before he finally pulled it towards his chest, bringing it close to your other hand.

“You’re the wolf of my dreams, Christopher”. 

Chris giggled a bit, averting your gaze and biting his lip, looking incredibly adorable once a rosy flush started spreading on his cheeks. You couldn’t help but giggle with him, leaning in to press a brief, lingering kiss on his lips.

“So…Did I miss anything while I was gone?” You asked as soon as you pulled back from the kiss, and Chris sighed, bracing himself for what he was about to tell you.

Apparently, when Changbin left you and his girlfriend in his flat, he’d gone to Chris, knowing he’d be having a bad time. They fought, or, at least, Chris was trying to pick a fight. He seemed to be embarrassed about it now, but he was grateful that Changbin dropped by to check on him regardless, it did help him calm down a bit.

The rest of the pack clearly knew something was wrong, but no one brought it up to Chris, which he was kind of grateful for, but also annoyed by. ‘If they don’t talk to me, it means they’re talking to each other behind my back, which means they were probably feeding all these crazy theories in their heads, you know how the kids are…’

Nothing really out of the ordinary happened besides that. Felix and Hyunjin’s partner dropped by, and apparently also gave Chris a pep talk. ‘Let’s talk alpha to alpha, they said’, Chris chuckled, recalling how she was somehow trying to help him reason his feelings, but scolding him at the same time because he’d hurt you.

You honestly weren’t sure how long you spent talking to Chris, and you honestly didn’t care much, either. You just loved to listen to him speak, and just the mere sound of his voice and his warmth all around you was immensely soothing. It all made your eyes droop and your head sink further into your pillow.

“Baby…” Chris mumbled against your hair after a few moments of silence, and you simply hummed to let him know he had your attention. “I’d like to…feel you. If you’re fine with that”.

Your boyfriend was a big fan of physical contact, especially skin-to-skin contact, which was very convenient for you, considering you also loved to feel him against you at any given moment. So you pulled yourself away from him, pulling your t-shirt over your head and throwing it somewhere by the end of the bed to quickly snuggle back within Chris’ arms.

As soon as you tucked your head under his chin, and your skin made contact with his, Chris sighed. A sigh of relief that perfectly matched your own, followed by a sleepy murmur of ‘That’s more like it. Love you…’

With your boyfriend’s arm under your neck, curled around your shoulders while the other hugged your waist to keep you tight against him, with your legs intertwined as comfortably as you could, laying close to each other on your much too small bed, you finally let Chris’ body heat and overall presence lull you to sleep.

The second you woke up the next morning and felt your boyfriend’s warmth against your back and his strong arm around your waist, you truly felt at ease. You had noticed it was hard for you to sleep without him there, but you hadn’t fully grasped just how much until now. 

Taking his hand in yours, you brought it close to your face so you could leisurely press kisses on his fingertips and his palm. It was crazy how much you’d missed Chris in such a short amount of time, but here you were, feeling as if it’d been weeks. It honestly puzzled you a bit, but you couldn’t think too much about it, not when the soft presses of your lips on your boyfriend’s hand seemed to have woken him up.

“Morning…” He mumbled, shuffling a bit to mould his body completely against yours.

“Morning, baby”, you mumbled back, letting go of Chris’ hand when he started to move it away from your face so he could rest it on your belly.

“What time is it?” Chris nuzzled his face on your shoulder, and you couldn’t help but chuckle and squirm a little when his hair tickled your skin with the movement.

“Dunno”, the blackout drapes over your windows made it so you truly had no idea what time it was, and you hadn’t even checked your phone since you texted your mother last night to let her know Chris was here. You honestly didn’t even know where you left it.

Chris just hummed, holding your belly a bit tighter and starting to leave kisses on the skin of your shoulder, effectively kickstarting the butterflies in your stomach, and prompting the next words to come out of your mouth.

“Is it too soon to have makeup sex?”

You heard Chris giggle behind you as soon as you asked the question, and the sound alone made you smile.

“You know if it’s up to me, it’s never too soon for any type of sex”, Chris pressed his crotch further against your ass, letting you feel just how hard he already was. “But I don’t wanna be disrespectful”.

“To whom?” You chuckled, laying your hand on top of his on your tummy.

“To you, silly”, he pressed a kiss on your shoulder. “And your mum. This is her house, after all”.

You couldn’t help but scoff at that. “So that time we came over for her bimonthly barbeque and you sat me on the bathroom counter to eat me out wasn’t disrespectful?”

“That was different!” Chris laughed, nuzzling your shoulder.

You turned in his hold so you could lay face to face next to him. “Mhm, tell me how?”

As soon as he looked at you, Chris went serious. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, but he didn’t say anything. Not until he cupped your cheeks and squished them together with his palms.

“Holy shit. You’re so cute”, you felt heat pool on your cheeks as soon as the words left his mouth. He squished your cheeks further, forcing a pout to form on your lips. “How’d I get so lucky, huh?”

“Babe…” You whined, suddenly feeling bashful under his sparkly gaze.

In an instant, Chris’ lips were on you. He pressed kisses all over your face, making you giggle and squirm a bit in his hold. “God, I don’t wanna wake up without you next to me ever again. I’m so fucked”.

“Hopefully you won’t have to”, you mumbled, melting as soon as your boyfriend pressed a kiss to your lips.

“Hopefully not”, he said simply, wrapping his arms around your waist to pull you flush to him.

Chris moved, taking you with him for you to lay on top of him. You shuffled a bit, straddling his hips to lay more comfortably when his lips attached to your neck, kissing and nibbling on your pulse point.

His hands roaming your back, your sides, your ass, squeezing your soft flesh anytime he could, his lips and his tongue on your neck, his unmistakable scent, everything combined had shivers running up and down your spine and butterflies flying freely in your belly. Without even thinking twice about it, you rolled your hips, making Chris groan with the pressure of your centre against his length, and he detached his mouth from your skin immediately.

“Fuck…Yeah. Yeah, we can have makeup sex. Let’s have all the sex. Every sex”, his rambling made you laugh, and you pressed a brief kiss on his forehead before you moved.

Shuffling further down his body, you attached your lips to Chris’ neck. Right now, you felt like you needed to kiss him. Anywhere and everywhere. You wanted to feel his heated skin under your lips, your hands, your body…You just wanted to feel him, so you didn’t hold back.

Slowly, leisurely, you took your time savouring Chris’ body, leaving trails of kisses from his neck, to his chest, his stomach, his tummy…All as he sighed and hummed contently, as he buried his fingers in your hair when you stopped at the waistband of his shorts, focusing on the barely perceptible freckles that littered his skin, making sure not to leave a single one unkissed.

“Can I take these off?” You mumbled, hooking your fingers under the waistband of his shorts.

Chris just hummed, taking them off himself and throwing them right where your t-shirt had landed last night. As you suspected, he wasn’t even wearing underwear.

“You drove all the way here just in your shorts?” You couldn’t help but chuckle, settling yourself between his legs, running your hands up and down his thighs.

“‘Course I did. Had no time to put on an extra item of clothing when the prettiest girl told me I could come over”, Chris grinned at you, and you grinned back, shaking your head from side to side a bit, mumbling an ‘Unbelievable…’

The grin disappeared from Chris’ face the moment you took him in your hand, teasing him with soft strokes that instead had him closing his eyes and sighing. Your boyfriend loved to have his way with you, and you loved letting him get away with it. But, sometimes, you also wanted your fun, and he was more than ready to let you indulge.

You continued your motions, not only the motions of your hand, but the previous motions of your lips, pressing kisses on any freckle on his tummy, and even on his length, simply relishing the taste of his skin. Until you just couldn’t wait any longer, until you couldn’t stop yourself from licking a long stripe from the base of his cock all the way to his head, all so you could finally take him in your mouth.

Chris swore under his breath, bringing a hand to the back of your head, not really moving you, simply caressing your hair, taking in the sight of his length going in and out of your mouth, mumbling. “You’re always pretty, but you certainly look even prettier with my cock in your mouth, baby…”

You just hummed in response, ignoring the heat you felt spread on your face. Whether that heat was caused by the dirty words constantly falling from your boyfriend’s lips, or by the way you were borderline choking on him and slurping him up, you weren’t too sure.

You spent a while just working Chris’ length, sucking him off, swallowing every bit of pre-cum that spilled from his tip, jerking the rest of his shaft you couldn’t fit in your mouth. You did it until the feeling of emptiness in your core was just too much to bear. It truly hadn’t been that long, three days wasn’t even the longest you’d ever spent without having sex with Chris, but considering the circumstances, you figured your body just missed him.

With a lewd pop, you let him fall from your mouth, all so you could climb your way back up to sit on his lap and kiss him. Burying your fingers in his hair, you pulled him as close to you as you could, just as Chris’ fingers dug on your soft sides, whimpering a bit at the feel of his tongue against yours, of his lips on your own.

“Gimme some room, pretty. Hm?” Chris mumbled against your lips, right before biting on your lower lip and tugging it, just as he brought a hand between your bodies.

So you complied, lifting your hips just a bit, enough for him to bring two fingers to your entrance. Chris wasted no time, he spread your essence all over, getting his fingers drenched before he finally stuffed those two fingers within your warmth.

A quiet whimper left your mouth as soon as he started moving his fingers, as soon as he started massaging the utmost sensitive areas within your walls, stretching you open in the process. The slow, calculated movements of his fingers were a complete contrast to the borderline desperate way he was kissing you. You were starting to feel lightheaded, breathless, and you were sure your heart was close to bursting out of your chest.

Detaching your lips from his, you attached them to his cheek, trying to catch your breath. You couldn’t help but whine when Chris removed his fingers from your core. The sight of him bringing them to his mouth and sucking them clean, with his eyebrows pulled together in bliss, had you clenching around air, had you craving his warmth, too.

So you brought your hand between your bodies, taking a hold of your boyfriend’s length and lining him with your entrance right as you kissed him again.

“Love, wait…” Chris pulled away from your lips, just before you took him inside of you. “Need to stretch you more first”.

You just shook your head, leaning in to press a brief kiss on his cheekbone. “Can’t wait that long”.

“Baby…” Chris was giving you his Worried Tone, and you appreciated it, you really did, but you also needed to have him inside you now or you were sure you’d cry.

You pressed a few more kisses on his cheeks, mumbling. “I can take it…Need you. Now”.

“Fuck, you’re playing dirty…” Chris chuckled. His need to give you what you wanted and his instinct to make sure you didn’t get hurt were clearly at odds with each other here, but you knew very well what your limits were. “Fine, but go slow. Hm?”

“Mhm…” You placed a quick kiss on the corner of his mouth before you took him in your hand and lined him with your entrance again.

With a deep breath, you finally started to lower yourself on Chris’ lap, taking him in one centimetre at a time.

Funny thing, how Chris asked you to go slow, as if you had any semblance of control whatsoever, as if he wasn’t holding your hips tightly to make sure you did go slow. Sure, it was a bit more difficult than usual, but you were already so used to your boyfriend’s body it wasn’t particularly painful, just a bit of tighter fit.

As soon as you were fully sat on his cock, you sighed, almost relieved that you were finally stuffed full, just as Chris swore under his breath. You moved a hand from where it’d been resting against his chest to his cheek instead, and he closed his eyes, turning his head to place a kiss on your palm.

“So warm…” He mumbled against the skin of your palm, and he removed one of his hands from your hips to bring it to yours on his face, cradling it so he could press kisses on your wrist. The soft drag of his lips over the sensitive skin further agitated those butterflies in your belly.

Leaning into him, you wrapped your arms around his neck and buried your face in the crook of his neck, just as one of his arms circled your waist and his hand found its way into your hair, cradling the back of your neck, holding you close once you finally started to move.

“You know you’re my dream girl, right?” Chris whispered in your ear, chuckling when you involuntarily clenched around him. 

Pressing soft kisses on his neck, you hummed. “I know. But I love hearing it anyway”.

“I know you do…I can feel it”, he moved his hand from where it was laying around your waist to grope one of your buttcheeks instead.

Chris let you keep the slow bounce of your hips, clearly in no rush to do anything other than fondle your soft flesh, than enjoying your body and your kisses and your overall attention. You could feel his body getting warmer, his chest heaving, and the low hums and sighs that left his lips under your movements had your mind hazing a bit. 

“I’m so…happy”, you mumbled against his skin, pressing kisses up his neck until you found his cheek, leaving a lingering kiss there. “Happy that you’re mine”.

Chris’ hand that was cradling your head finally moved, finding your other buttcheek. He held you tightly, almost tight enough to bruise, and you knew your little time of control was over. “Love to be yours…Love that you’re mine…”

Finding your lips, Chris kissed you deeply, holding you with a firm grip. He moved you up and down his cock however he pleased, with no difficulty. His tongue in your mouth, pushing against yours, felt like the tastiest dessert you’d ever had, coupled with the feel of him going in and out of you, hitting all your sweetest spots, was quickly clouding your mind, filling it with only your loving boyfriend, the delicious drag of his cock against your walls, and the feeling of his hands on your flesh.

“You know…” Chris moved away from your mouth, attaching his lips to your neck instead to suck a mark on it, making you squirm a little. “Sometimes…It feels like you were made for me…” His hold on your bum tightened, and the pace in which he was bouncing you up and down his cock increased just the tiniest bit.

“Your tight cunt, your fat ass, your soft tits, your thick thighs…” Every word that came out of his mouth had you whimpering, had you whining softly close to his ear. Threading your fingers through his hair, you held him tightly, relishing his wet, sloppy kisses all over your neck and chest. “But not just that…”

Kissing up your neck, Chris found your earlobe, lightly sucking and licking on it. “You’re so kind, smart…so caring, and strong willed…”

Before you knew it, you were rolling, and the tiniest of squeaks left your lips once Chris flipped you both over so he was now on top of you. There were few things in this world you enjoyed more than your boyfriend’s weight on you. It always filled you with a pleasant mix of comfort and arousal. The way he moved your thighs so you could wrap your legs around his torso, to lock one ankle over the other so you could keep him there as he continued to drill into you, it all was quickly filling you with a sense of fullness quite like never before.

His mouth claimed yours, kissing you with want, all while his hips slowly  rocked back and forth to fill you with all of him time and time again. You truly felt like your heart was going to leap out of your chest, like it was skipping every other beat.

With one of his arms under your neck and the other around your lower back to tilt you however he wanted, you simply let yourself enjoy the feeling of him all around you, in you, dragging your hands up and down his back, feeling each dip and curve of his muscles, relishing his warmth, his body heat.

“I’m just…” Chris murmured between kisses. “Madly in love with you…”

Your heart swelled in your chest, now full of just Chris. You could only vaguely hear the whines and quiet moans that left your mouth with each thrust, with each word coming out of your boyfriend’s kiss-bitten lips, and your nails dug on his back as he increased his pace.

“I love you…” You simply mumbled back, holding tight onto him, swallowing the almost desperate moan that came out of his lips as soon as your words registered in his brain.

“Say it again”, Chris buried his face in the crook of your neck, bringing a hand between your bodies so he could start rubbing circles on your clit.

The slow movement of his hips was now long gone. His pace grew faster, the headboard started to thump against the wall, a sound you weren’t really used to–unlike your bed at home, this one was most certainly not werewolf-proof. It would’ve distracted you, had Chris not increased the intensity of his thrusts, drilling into you as hard as you knew he could, making you see stars and making you lose your sense of reality.

It took you a moment to comply, too lost in the feeling of it all. “I…I love you”.

“Again”, his voice was a bit strained, but you could barely register it with the unrelenting pace of his fingers on that sensitive bud between your legs, with the feel of him splitting you open time and time again.

“Love you, Chris. I’m–”

With one final moan of his name, you finally felt your release wash over you, dragging warmth all throughout your body. You bit on his shoulder to ground yourself, your nails dug on his back, and the blissed-out sounds coming out of your boyfriend’s mouth joined the ringing that had started in your ears.

“Fuck, fuck…Love you…so much…” Burying himself as deep as he could, Chris finally stilled, filling you up, pumping you full of his release, of everything he had to give.

As you came down from your high, you could vaguely feel his rumble against your chest, and even in your post orgasmic, hazy state you couldn’t help but smile, holding tightly onto him, just as he held onto you, as he pressed soft, tender kisses on your neck. Chris truly never rumbled often, but when he did, it was because he was either falling into a more animalistic state, or because he was particularly vulnerable, and as you held him, you knew the reason was the latter.

When he pulled away from your neck to finally press a loving kiss on your lips, you couldn’t help but notice the blush on his face and his ears. You simply brushed your nose against his, relishing the small giggle that left his lips when you did.

“Be right back”, Chris tried to pull himself away from your embrace, but you held him tightly in place, keeping your limbs firmly around him. Realistically, he was stronger than you, and he could pull you off of his body easily, but he didn’t, he simply regarded you with a curious–and maybe a bit confused–look.

You looked him in the eyes for a bit, until you unwrapped your arms from around his neck to instead cradle his face in your hands, softly stroking his cheeks with your thumbs. “I’m so, so in love with you. Truly”.

His flush deepened, just as the widest smile spread on his lips, making his eyes disappear into crescents and his dimples pop on his cheeks. With one more kiss on his lips, you finally let go of him. Chris simply left the comfort of your bed, and he made his way to your dresser, so he could grab a random towel from one of the drawers.

He cleaned you up thoroughly, wiping the fluids leaking from your ruined core, all as he smothered your face with kisses, making your heart flutter in your chest and your cheeks heat up.

As soon as he was done he dumped the towel on the floor, tucking you and himself back under the covers, uncaring of the soiled sheets as he held you close to his body, stroking your back, your thighs, your bum…

“Sorry if I didn’t let you keep the pace for long…” Chris mumbled against your hair, sounding just as sleepy as you felt, even when it was early in the day. You figured the sleepless nights were catching up to you both.

Leaving a quick peck on his chest, you snuggled closer. “It’s okay, darling. You know I love when you manhandle me”.

“Don’t you mean wolf-handle you?” Chris giggled, mostly to himself, and you couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Any-handle me”, you confirmed, draping your leg over his torso and pulling him further into you, pressing yourself fully to his heated skin. “Just love to feel you…”

“Mm…Me too”, he simply caressed your back, keeping you close.

You both kept silent for a while, simply basking in your love and the lingering feeling of your high.

“If we ever fight again…I’ll try my best not to run away”, you mumbled, tracing mindless shapes on his chest.

Chris took a deep breath, and you felt his chest rise and fall under your head. “I understand why you do it. If it helps you, then I won’t stop you”.

“But…it hurts you, baby”.

“I manage…” He brought a hand to your head, softly caressing your hair.

You pulled yourself away from his hold, propped yourself up on an elbow, and looked him right in the eyes. “Chris…Why didn’t you tell me you had imprinted on me?”

Chris’ whole body tensed as soon as you asked the question, and you saw his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed. “How’d you–”

“Seungmin sent me some texts explaining…Please don’t be mad at him, he was just worried about you”, you added that last sentence as soon as you saw Chris’ gaze harden, and he pressed his fingers on his eye sockets, just as he let out a frustrated sigh.

“‘Course Seungmin told you…” He mumbled. When he finally removed his hands from his face, his eyes found yours, looking incredibly vulnerable. “Pretty, listen…”

Chris sat down on the bed, and you followed right after, crossing your legs, and listening intently to what he wanted to say. “I didn’t tell you anything about imprinting in general because I just knew that the second you found out about it you’d know I had imprinted on you. There was just no way for you not to know when it’s so painfully obvious that my feelings for you run much deeper than a regular guy’s would…It’s a lot to take in, and it’s a level of pressure I didn’t want to put on you”.

Taking your hand in his, he gave it a squeeze. “I don’t want you to…feel like you have to stay with me because of all this mystical bullshit inside of me. You should be able to put space between us if you need it, to do things you want to do even if they go against what I say…And, most importantly, you should be able to leave if you ever want to…”

You felt your heart ache with that last statement. Somehow, the thought of leaving him, of truly leaving, was unbearable even to you. Sure, people fell out of love often, it wasn’t like it couldn’t happen, but you figured most people didn’t have a supernatural connection with their partner.

“Baby…” You squeezed Chris’ hand, bringing his attention to your eyes. “These couple of days without you have felt like pure torture. I know it sounds silly, considering one, I was the one who left, and two, we’ve been physically apart for long periods of time several times before, but never after an argument. It’s manageable in normal circumstances, but if we’ve fought, or if we don’t speak, you need to know it’s painful for me, too”.

Chris’ eyes widened, like you were breaking inconceivable news to him. He cupped your cheek with his free hand, keeping you close. “What?”

“I’ve never felt anything like this…Like a piece of me had been ripped out of my body. I didn’t understand why, until I read those texts from Seungmin this morning…” You brought your hand to rest on top of his on your face, licking your lips. “Seems like that mystical bullshit is inside me, too, baby. Which, I suppose, makes sense, if your wolf is somehow connected to me…”

“Shit, pretty, I–” You could see it in his eyes, Christopher’s signature Guilty Look. The one he had whenever he was beating himself up. You truly loved him deeply, but, sometimes, you felt like you wanted to murder him for taking the blame for things that weren’t his fault.

“Nuh-uh”, you cupped his cheeks, squishing them together. “Don’t give me the ‘guilty dog’ eyes. Not with this”.

“But–”

Before he could continue, you moved. Sitting on his lap, still cradling his face in your hands, but with less pressure, you simply looked him in the eyes. “Now, you’re gonna be all like ‘ooohh, I dragged you into this’, ‘ooohh, it’s my fault’, ‘ooohh, I didn’t mean to’. Please don’t do that”.

A pout made its way onto your lips, and you saw Chris’ form relax a bit, just as he wrapped his arms around your waist.

“What are you gonna do about it now? Take what’s mine away from me? No way”, you moved your hands from his cheeks to his hair, burying your fingers in the soft strands, holding him tightly. “The universe has made you for me, too, babe. I wholeheartedly believe this is a mutual thing”.

Chris looked at you for a brief moment, taking you in. His eyes jumped all over your face, and, in an instant, he was scoffing, and a bright smile spread on his lips. “God, I truly am so fucked. So sickly in love with you, baby. You shouldn’t have said that, I’m gonna be even more insufferable after this”.

“I wouldn’t have you any other way”, you mumbled, right before you pulled him in for a kiss.

Chris just hugged you tighter, and he dropped back on the bed, bringing you down with him, giggling. You just giggled in response, kissing him as many times as you could, relishing his warmth, his presence, and his love.

After a while, when your fit of giggles died down, when you were just cuddling again, holding each other close, Chris tensed under you. “Shouldn’t we take Joaquín on a walk?” His eyes widened, and he suddenly held your waist tightly. “Shit, baby, do you think your mum came back?”

You just hummed, bracing yourself on his chest to sit on his lap. “Let’s hope she didn’t. Not like I particularly care, but if she did come back already, she probably heard you railing me. There is just no way she didn’t. You almost made a hole on the wall with how much this bed was moving”.

“Oh my God…” Chris groaned, covering his face in his hands, and you smiled as you saw his ears grow red. “I can’t believe I let you seduce me!”

“Oh, please. As if you needed me to do anything for you to feel seduced”, you laughed, pulling his hands away from his face, uncovering his flushed cheeks and the pout on his lips.

You tried your best to kiss that pout off of his face, but he was still grumbling, grumpy at the thought that he’d somehow disrespected your mother’s home. Whatever that meant.

“C’mon, baby”, you said eventually, pressing one last, loud kiss on his lips. “Let’s find out if you’re working yourself up over nothing, or if death by embarrassment is a real thing”.

Chris sighed, but he followed you when you stood up from the bed to get dressed, practically holding his breath in anticipation when you finally opened the door to leave your room.

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Constructive feedback (or even keysmashes, really) is always welcome :) feel free to leave your comments in the caption/tags when you reblog, or by sending me an ask !

General Masterlist Chris’ WereRoomies Instalments:  It’s Cold Out · Rut · Alpha Dog · It’s Warm In · Love is Easy · Afraid to Lose You. For extra drabbles, check out the series masterlist.

[tavina-writes]

MDZS Society! aka: there's a lot less killing than you'd expect

This follows from this post and also the recent translations of MXTX’s most recent interview (which I can now no longer bother to find bc this has been sitting in drafts for like, siiiix months? More? Oh god anyway.) which reminded me about my feelings regarding MDZS society and how different it is from the martial societies we see depicted in typical modern wuxia. (Small disclaimer, I am a wuxia genre fiend and I love like, thinking about fictional societies so this is like, “AHA! You’ve unlocked my trap card!”) 

For the purposes of this, I’m going to be looking at MDZS/CQL’s depiction of the jianghu (which I think is fairly similar! I don’t actually think the show writers made CQL’s jianghu/martial society more genre typical than it was in the book) and comparing that with modern classic wuxia (mostly Jin Yong and Gu Long works.) For this comparison, I’ll be looking at a Jin Yong book — Legend of the Condor Heroes (which is widely considered the starting point of modern wuxia as a genre) — and one Gu Long book — Dagger Li/Sentimental Swordsman, Ruthless Sword (widely considered his most popular work) — and seeing how their societies differ from MDZS society. 

This will likely come in two parts because this one was already getting long, and I don’t think we can fit “how often does nobility exist in a typical jianghu and what do bloodline sects look like normally versus what they look like in MDZS” in this post along with the main topic of “is MDZS society a particularly physically violent place?” 

This post discusses how often cultivators are socially expected to kill people. Like, actual living human beings instead of, say, monsters or ghosts which have been categorized differently than like, human beings. 

EDIT: I forgot to talk about Dagger Li but this was already much too long sorry. Feel free to hmu for more thoughts though.

Now, it might be easy to think that cultivators killing actual people is a really common thing in MDZS/CQL universe! After all, they do have martial arts training and one of the prominent things about the first life is just how many people die both in the Sunshot Campaign and the fallout afterwards. However, I would argue that a lot of the traumas and related issues and reactions that happen in MDZS happen because cultivators are, by training and education, not actually prepared for killing actual living breathing human beings! (And also that the morality of this world prevents it for the most part) 

Now, we do actually get a pretty good window into what the typical training is like for young cultivators in MDZS, because we get a fairly well defined schoolhouse scene where LQR is asking them questions about "how do you tell the difference between various different problems we have to solve?" and "how do you go about fixing this problem?" and none of those include the moral quandary of "if I, a young cultivator out in the Jianghu, see a guy who is doing something I morally disagree with, under what circumstances do I beat him up and/or kill him." This does not appear to enter the curriculum at any point, leading me to believe that the morally correct number of people not like, ghosts or ghouls or fierce corpses, a regular average MDZS cultivator is supposed to have killed is approximately 0.

Which. Is a thing you get in a normal martial arts wuxia jianghu. There is generally the threat of "oh yeah this that or the other faction will be doing shitty things and thereby try to murder you." Instead, in MDZS/CQL most of the heirs of sects are...attending school together. Doing teenage things like partying and gossiping and attending classes.

And sure yes, there was a case of WWX and JZX trying to beat each other up. But the sects did sure let their kids stay at Lan summer camp for months on end (sometimes repeatedly, see NHS) without fearing for their lives or that anyone would steal another sect's techniques or otherwise causing real havoc or intersect warfare etc.

Which is infeasible in any other sort of Jianghu situation. For example, contrast this scenario with this scene from LOCH where Guo Jing's shifus are giving him advice since he is newly 17 and about to set out by himself into the great big world:

Guo Jing therefore bid farewell to his teachers. They had witnessed his battle against the Four Demons of the Yellow River, and were not too greatly worried. The young man had proved that he knew how to use the skills that they taught him. Therefore they let him leave alone. On one hand, the meeting of outlaws in Yanjing worried them greatly, so that they could not ignore it; and on the other hand, a youngster always had to travel the jianghu alone, in order to learn lessons that no teacher could pass on. At the moment of parting, each made their last recommendations. As usual when the Six spoke after one another, Nan Xiren was the last one to express himself. "If you cannot defeat the enemy," he said. "Flee!" He knew that given Guo Jing's dogged character, he would prefer to die rather than to surrender, if he met a master, he would certainly fight to the bitter end, even at the risk of death. That was the reason Nan Xiren gave him this common sense warning. " Martial arts have no limits," added Zhu Cong. " As the proverb says, 'For every peak there is one yet higher', so for every man there is one stronger. Whatever your power, you will always one day meet a foe stronger than you. A true man knows to retreat when necessary, when facing grave danger, it is necessary to contain one's impatience and anger. This what is meant by the adage, « If one preserves the earth and its forests, one does not fear to lack firewood ». It is not therefore not cowardly to take good advice! When the enemy is too numerous and that you cannot face them there, it is especially necessary to avoid being too reckless. Keep in mind Fourth Shifu's advice!"

Does this seem like the sort of advice that any Young MDZS Cultivator would get? "You're a good kid, but when you go out into the world, there will be people who straight up want you dead even though they met you 15 minutes ago, you cannot persist in fighting with these people because they will want you dead and you are a baby cultivator who needs to learn to run away when shit gets rough or you will be dead."

And again I come back to how MDZS cultivators are more like occupational ghostbusters because this really does inform how their society functions and runs and how everyone reacts so badly to the Sunshot Campaign beginning and its aftermaths and possibly explains how JGS could get his way after Sunshot.

Because what happens when you get a society that does train heavily in martial arts and have Able To Kill Real People Weapons who spends most of their time solving very black and white situations of "okay is this ghost whose eating people's livers good or bad? y/n?" and a clear hierarchy of "how do we get rid of the ghost eating people's livers in town x" instead of say "is it morally correct to kill this group of bandits who's been threatening the town" or "is it morally correct to kill this shitty businessman who's been holding people hostage and threatening to hack off their limbs" you have a reduced level of philosophical musing on like, "what is the purpose of martial arts, which is designed to kill people and what do I use martial arts for?" and "under what circumstances and situations would I personally find it morally correct to kill a man?" Which are all questions that Wuxia coming of age stories typically have, and I think MDZS does have, but expressed differently.

Again, it appears that the number of Real Live Human Beings that it is morally acceptable to have stabbed in your life is approximately 0 in this universe, and the expectation that you, personally, might have to fend off people trying to stab you over brunch is also approximately 0.

This also leads to a situation where like, questions of vengeance have very difficult escape hatches! If your parents are murdered on the job by an evil rampaging ghost, this is very sad and tragic and now you're an orphan and of course that's not good, but this is a occupational job hazard, not like, "Yeah Joe Bob from the sect down the street murdered my dad because #Reasons~, and now it's my legacy to grow up to murder Job Bob from the sect down the street to avenge my dad."

(I have a whole essay about how this pertains to both of the Nie Brothers, and how it pertains to JGY and also Jin Ling, and how this seems to routinely fuck people up in MDZS in a very specific way we don't typically see in other wuxias, but this is getting SO long as it is).

But yeah "the socially acceptable number of real living people (instead of ghosts or demons or fierce corpses or whatever) to have killed in your lifetime as a cultivator is approximately 0" means that the Sunshot Generation gets really really fucked up by all of this "killing real people" they did.

Which! might be why JFM was so slow to move on "yeah the Wen are threatening to kill your heirs." <- socially inconceivable behavior. Why society in general is so shocked by Xue Yang and the murder of the Chang <- which would be bad normally but not quite like this. And why no one did anything specific about JGS even if they felt he wasn't entirely correct. What are they going to threaten him with? Death???? A trial of his peers? Social Shunning??? Public shame???

"But Tav how does this relate to CQL!Su She's morality?" I hear you ask. Well you see, the question of "he should've been ready to die for his sect!" is utterly baffling in a society where nobody is expected to be ready to die for their sect on a regular basis because the idea that you should be ready for someone trying to stab you before brunch is utterly nonsensical in a world where most people expect that the baseline number of murders a cultivator does in their lifetimes is 0. That's the world he lives in.

On this regard CQL!Su She is utterly blameless. Nobody handed him a rulebook or expectations sheet for "the sect down the street will try to kill you" nor SHOULD they expect he'd be ready to die at a drop of a hat when no part of the education or social expectations include "ready to die for your sect because it's routine for people to try to kill you."

If you don't even expect to be stabbed and possibly die at a discussion conference where there are lots of cultivators from many sects why on EARTH would you expect to be facing down death in your own home when there's. cultivators here to kill you, this situation is so out of left field?

[trillscienceofficer]

I'm rewatching "Dark Frontier" and my partner asked 'is this when Seven is hallucinating?' and I was like... when isn't Seven hallucinating, actually

I was talking about this recently with @avoicefromthestars, I don't know of many fanworks that explore this aspect of Seven's issues in depth or explicitly, but it's a huge deal during her time on Voyager... Seven keeps having sensory hallucinations that regularly put her in harm's way and if she doesn't hurt herself irreversibly it's because the crew understands this about her (ever since "The Raven" at least) and knows Seven can't control when or how it will happen again. I admit my own ignorance on this topic but I think the scifi metaphor of her Borg-ness is once again just paper-thin and, although diagnosing fictional characters is a complicated subject and not something I would do lightly, you could easily interpret Seven as suffering from some form of psychosis. I would at least argue that having Seven not being impacted in her daily life from said hallucinatory episodes is explicitly contradicting her canon depiction on Voyager.

It's also interesting (and again I owe @avoicefromthestars for pointing it out) that Star Trek: Picard hinted at Seven still suffering from (occasional?) trouble with understanding what is real and what isn't. I laughed a lot about that scene in season 2 where she's writing the Euler identity on a mirror, but seen in light of Seven's lifelong experience with hallucinatory episodes it's likely just a part of a checklist she has come up with in order to determine what is going on, on her own. I doubt Seven could depend on other people reliably once she left the Voyager crew and set out on her own; also can't imagine it was an easy transition, especially combined with all her other healthcare-related needs (ie regenerating regularly while on the move). I have to wonder what it took for Seven to get to that checklist, and what it cost her while she figured it out.

[jona3d]

LA FUMÉE, VOL. 1 NO. 4

Full breakdown under the cut!

Here I'll go through each page as the Skills point out interesting details, though I'll skip the front cover; it's simply an edited version of the one in-game.

Encyclopedia [Medium: Success]: However, I will point out that the cover depicts King Frissel I — the last suzerain of Revachol — as dead, having sprouted antlers. Frissel was deposed and executed by communists, whose symbol is a pair of antlers and a star...the dots connect themselves.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Perception [Easy: Success]: The illustration used is concept art of the fishermen's shacks, to the west of Martinaise.

Empathy [Medium: Success]: Above the shacks, you see the word 'Méncompetent' — a cheeky pun from the designers. Now it's a Table of "Discontents" — no doubt in reference to their discontent with the state of the world. Or the lack of funding from their readerbase.

Conceptualization [Challenging: Success]: You recognize the names Exilus Bücher and Nasteb Encalada-Bernal, the pen names of those two university communards that meet above the Capeside Apartments, but the others seem to be even more fictional. The mononym "Dobrevardo" stands out, though...

Logic [Medium: Success]: ...didn't Call Me Mañana tell you something about Dobreva and Abadanaiz? Interesting.

EDITOR'S NOTE

Perception [Medium: Failure]: The image behind them is of the headless FALN rider, a plastic rendition similar to the statue by the lorry drivers. It's unclear how this urban legend connects to their plea for funding.

Electrochemistry [Easy: Failure]: It looks cool, man! That's what communism is all about: Looking cool.

INTERNATIONAL DEVELOPMENTS

Inland Empire [Easy: Success]: The black letters are echoes from another world; the Dutch Anarchy magazine number 066, 1996. They have been flipped, cut, and edited to suit a broader purpose; they are not there for you to read them.

Encyclopedia [Medium: Success]: The article titles are real, though, plucked straight from Elysium. Uncle Sport refers to Sapormat 'Sport' Knezhinisky, president of the SRV. Despite rumors of Samaran news all being propaganda, their president's near-pathological obsession with physical fitness means he probably did wrestle a bear or two.

KUNST UND KULTUR: ARTIST SPOTLIGHT

Logic [Trivial: Success]: C.S. obviously stands for Cindy the Skull, if her face being obscured by a skull and the red paint weren't enough clues.

Perception [Formidable: Success]: It's hard to spot, but behind the interview text you can just make out the words of her most recent piece, Un jour je serai de retour prés de toi ('51, red-dyed fuel oil on concrete). And are those radiocomputers above the radio play reviews? How appropriate.

Encyclopedia [Medium: Success]: "Comrades at the Table" is a clear reference to the radio roleplaying show, "Friends at the Table". Instead of tuning in to participate in the game like Fortress Accident, listeners would instead passively tune in to an ongoing roleplaying campaign played by the show's hosts.

Conceptualization [Challenging: Success]: The other two are pure fiction, though they play on radio show name conventions. One could argue that "Vespertine Oranjese" is an oblique reference to "Orange is the New Black", but it's nothing more than a half-coincidence. Probably.

KUNST UND KULTUR: TIPTOP TOURNÉE

Perception [Easy: Success]: This slick-looking page depicts a motor carriage having knocked over a communist figurine from its pile. The designer clearly took pride in its conception.

Empathy [Trivial: Success]: They're proud of the whole thing, brother!

Encyclopedia [Medium: Success]: You recognize the phrase "cultivating plasm" — Steban and Ulixes must be referencing Ignus Nilsen's theories on Infra-Materialism. Plasm is described as a politicized energy that could be harnessed in a variety of increasingly fantastical ways; you're unsure what its cultivation would mean for a popular car race.

LOCAL CONCERNS

Endurance [Easy: Success]: It's almost over. You can feel it.

Composure [Challenging: Success]: Thank god.

Logic [Medium: Success]: It says the aerial shot of the dockworker's strike was taken by Evrart Claire? Clearly a fabrication designed to uphold the man's benevolent facade. No wonder you found it in the secretariat's couch on the way to his office.

Conceptualization [Easy: Success]: To reiterate, though: This replication of La Fumée has absolutely everything described in-game. Its length has been reduced for ease of printing and the creator's sanity, and a few details like subheaders and authors have been added for perceived authenticity, but it is scarily accurate. Everything described has been preserved in the transfer from Elysium to Earth.

Volition [Formidable: Success]: This is shockingly thorough for a costume that will be seen hundreds of times, and recognized five or six. This was made not for attention, but out of a deep love for the work that inspired it.

Empathy [Challenging: Success]: Or perhaps a deep love for communism?

Electrochemistry [Easy: Success]: You only see this kind of acute hyperfocus in something so trivial from fat cats with ADHD, or yourself after finding that bottle of Speed Saint-Batiste PREPTIDE and throwing back a couple pills. Your throat feels dry.

BACK COVER

Encyclopedia [Easy: Success]: Two symbols are featured on this back cover: The insignia of a star and antlers, and dried may bells, both of which became synonymous with communism during the Turn-of-the-Century Revolution of '02.

Shivers [Formidable: Success]: I used to be @shenaniglenn. I still am. The pockets of me that are strewn about the city remain, but they've remained quiet for years now. A young boy peers down into a storm drain, transfixed as the water collects and swirls outward. Where are you going, young ocean, and may I join in?

Half-Light [Easy: Success]: This is too much. Pack it up. Got to go.

Drama [Challenging: Failure]: Sire, dost thy loyal readers deserve not a performance for thine toil?

Half-Light [Trivial: Success]: OUT.

[Thank you for reading. If you skipped to the end, thank you for skipping to the end.]

Download/Print La Fumée Vol.1 No.4 here:

Zine PDF (How to cut and fold a zine)

Multi-page PDF

[bthump]

How much do you think authorial intent matters in analyzing Berserk? Because I've seen your post on Charlotte and how you interpret her sex with Griffith as consensual because Miura usually does a good job portraying sexual trauma, and sex scene tropes in media are usually dodgy while being intended to be consensual. I always have a hard time with this way of thinking because it doesn't change what objectively happened in the scene.

I actually differentiate between authorial intent and narrative intent to an extent. To me narrative framing matters the most. What Miura may have intended can be important inasmuch as he successfully conveyed it in the story, but I don't think his word is the final word on the story itself. If he gave an interview where he said he intended X, but I think the story conveyed Y, then Y is more important to my interpretation of the story.

So to use the Charlotte sex scene as an example, the biggest reason I read it as consensual (if psychologically fucked up to an extent) is because that's the narrative function of the sex. A rape scene would have a different impact on the story. The sex scene furthers Charlotte's love for Griffith, to her it's a contrast to her father's subsequent attempted assault, Charlotte has no misgivings about it, and the king doesn't accuse Griffith of rape but of theft from him. If it was intended to be a rape scene, it would be essentially nonsensical as a story beat and a bigger failure of writing imo.

And yeah, in addition to that there's the greater media context where a lot of sex that should be rape is treated as consensual.

But yeah I get what you mean about having a hard time viewing things that way. I find the terms watsonian and doylist helpful when discussing stuff like this in fandom, where watsonian refers to discussing characters and events as though they really exist, as though characters have agency and lives and make decisions, and doylist refers to taking account of the fiction of the universe, the knowledge that it's written by someone who has a point to convey and might have biases and make mistakes.

So on a watsonian level you can't really argue that it isn't rape because Charlotte says no. If it happened in real life, it would be rape, the end.

But on a doylist level it doesn't fit the story, and there are better ways to interpret that scene to suit the overall narrative better, which we can understand based on the various context clues I mentioned above.

When I discuss stuff I'm usually doing it on a doylist level because that's just how I roll lol, I enjoy analysing media as a construct created by people attempting to convey a meaning. To me, characters/setting/plot/etc are first and foremost tools to futher that meaning. But a lot of fandom is really into the watsonian level, which makes sense because that's where headcanons and fanfiction thrives, and it's a lot of fun to explore and speculate about the characters as though they're real people with real psychologies, to explain away plot holes and bad writing with in-universe explanations, etc.

It's totally cool to prefer one over the other imo! But yeah I think it's always good to differentiate between those different types of analysis, because they're trying to accomplish very different things, and to be aware of what level you're interpreting the story on. I find that it's really easy to get into discussions where people just talk past each other because one person is discussing the story as a fictional construct and the other is discussing it as if it's a real event that happened. It's how you get arguments like ''the depiction of this character is sexist because she's naked for no reason except to titilate the het male audience' 'there's totally a reason though, it's because she breathes through her skin!' or whatever lol.

Thanks for the ask! I like getting the opportunity to explain where I'm coming from when it comes to meta.

[heecase]

Midnight Rain Chapter 2:Long Time No See

Synopsis: You've always been a planner. You had your whole life planned out, but Heeseung breaking up with you for a chance to become an idol wasn't apart of your plan. So now you're stuck with supporting him from afar. Until a college boy sweeps you off your feet. Everything was supposed to be perfect. Then why were you still yearning for your first love? Pairing: Idol! Heeseung x Fem! Reader; Nonidol! Yeonjun x Fem! Reader Word Count: 3.5k Genre: Angst, Fluff (if you squint) Warnings: Heartbreak; Lying; Cheating; Drinking; Intoxication; Arguing; Gaslighting; One KYS joke

A/n: The story is all fiction, please don't take any depictions of the boys to heart. I love them all dearly and their personalities are only meant to progress the story. Any feedback is welcomed! Please enjoy~

Previous | Next | Masterlist

“I’m telling you something is off.” Chaewon stressed, as she sipped her coffee. You rolled your eyes at her, while taking a drink from your fruit smoothie.

“And I’m telling you, nothing is going on. I don’t know why you’re so insistent that Yeonjun is cheating on me. Especially since we just got engaged.” You frowned. You hated being in this position. One where you had to choose between your love and your best friend.

“Exactly! You guys have been together forever, so why did he pop the question now of all times? You said so yourself, he comes home late all the time and he hasn’t been as intimate with you either. I can feel it. I feel like he’s up to something and you don’t even realize it.” You sighed, thinking about the small possibility that Chaewon might be right. It’s been a year since you’ve graduated from college and a month since Yeonjun popped the big question. Sure, things weren’t ideal in your relationship but no relationship is perfect. Besides, you’ve been together for almost 5 years at this point and if he was cheating on you, why would he ask you to marry him? It just didn’t make any sense.

“Listen, he comes home late because his job is very demanding, they’re a start up company and he’s been working very hard to get them off their feet, so I can understand if he doesn’t have the energy to, ya know. I appreciate you looking out for me, but I don’t think anything is going on.” You picked up your phone to check the time before gathering your things. “I gotta get back to work but I’ll call you okay?” Chaewon didn’t answer, she just stared at you as you left. 

A shaky sigh leaving her lips as she pulls out her phone to look at the pictures she got sent this morning. It was photos of Yeonjun and a mysterious girl leaving a club drunk with their hands all over each other. She could’ve shown it to you to prove her point, but she couldn’t bear to see your heart break before her eyes so she chose to keep it to herself for now. Maybe these pictures were taken out of context and she really was the one going off the rails with this but she doubts it. She’s always gotten bad vibes from him ever since the first time she met him. She didn’t feel like she had the right to dictate your relationship, so she kept her opinions to herself. But he’s finally crossed a line where she can no longer sit back and just watch. She wasn’t going to let you marry someone who was unfaithful to you. You were her best friend and she’ll do anything to protect you and your happiness. She just has to come up with a plan that won't make her look like the bad guy. Easy right?

That evening, you’re lounging at home in your shared apartment with Yeonjun. As you sip on your wine, you think about the conversation you had with Chaewon on your lunch break. Should you actually confront him about what Chaewon told you? She did make sense, even though you dismissed her worries. Or are you going to forget about it like always and finish this bottle before going to bed? If you were truthful to yourself, you would ask him because deep down you also knew something was going on. You weren’t naive like most people thought you were but you’ve wasted so much time, so many years, with him that it would almost be a pity to end it now. You had already made plans in your future with him in mind and it wouldn’t be convenient to change them now. But at this point you didn’t know if you were still in this relationship out of love or obligation. You’re truly pathetic. 

On days like this when you’re not feeling your best, you pull up Enhypen’s youtube channel and watch your first love live his dream. He really did it. He was able to make a name for himself in a cut throat industry and you couldn’t be more proud. Seeing him so happy made you happy in return. It was like his happiness was enough for you to forget your tragic life. You just wish you could be there for him but supporting him from afar like this was enough. 

You sighed, thinking about how everything was going according to how you envisioned it, then why didn’t you feel happy? You’re getting everything you’ve ever wanted. You have a stable job working in graphic designs at Kakao Entertainment. Your coworkers were bearable and your boss didn’t make you want to kill yourself. You’re going to get married to Yeonjun within a year, then probably have kids soon after that. Chaewon will be your kids' godmother because she doesn’t want to settle down so she’ll live vicariously through you and you’ll live happily ever after. It was supposed to be that simple. But life was never that simple. As you finished your last glass of wine and the en o’clock episode you were on, the front door opened and you could hear Yeonjun stumble through the hallway. He was drunk again.

“Baby, what are you doing still up?” He slurred, falling heavily onto the couch next to you. He reeked of alcohol and you scrunch your nose at the smell.

“I was waiting for you. Where were you?” You asked, trying to mask the nervousness in your voice. Were you really about to do this?

“I was out with the team. We were having dinner with an important investor. I didn’t realize how late it was. I’m sorry, I should’ve texted you.” He rubbed soothingly up and down your exposed thigh. Goosebumps formed in place of his warm touch when he retracted his hand to pull off his tie.

“It’s okay.” You paused, taking a deep breath. It’s now or never. “Yeonjun, are you cheating on me?”

“What?!” The look on his face told you everything you needed to know. To outsiders, he looked shocked but if you stare into his eyes you could tell he felt guilty.

“Are you cheating on me? Were you really at a business dinner cause I don’t know any business dinners that end at 2am.” You crossed your arms as you stared at him. This time you weren’t going to let it go. You had to get to the bottom of this.

“Baby, can we not do this right now. My head is killing me.” He rubbed his temples roughly.

“Fine, if that’s what you want.” You take off your engagement ring and place it on the coffee table. “But if we don’t talk about this now, then I’m going to Chaewon's for the night. I’m not going to lay beside you in bed while thoughts of you with someone else run through my head, without you reassuring me that it’s not true.”

“Y/n, please. You’re being really unreasonable right now. I’ve had a rough day and I really don’t need this.” He picked up your ring to put back on your finger but you jerked your hand away when he tried. 

“Just tell me the fucking truth Yeonjun! Stop beating around the bush!” You yelled, no longer having the patience for him.

“You want to know the truth so badly?!” He stared at you with a look you’ve never seen before. “Fine! I did cheat on you. But it was a moment of weakness. Baby I swear it didn’t mean anything.”

“What do you mean a moment of weakness?! When did this happen?!” Your eyes widened as you stared at the ring in his hand. “Is that why you proposed to me?! Because you felt guilty??” You clutched your chest as your heart started to beat erratically.

“No! That’s not why I did it. Just let me explain first.” He pleaded, grabbing your free hand in his. You didn't respond but your silence was enough of a sign for him to continue anyway.

“We were having problems with securing an investor and there was this rich guy’s daughter who was coming on to me during the business meetings. The guys told me that if I didn’t play along that I would be terminated because this was going to be our last chance. If we didn’t get this rich guy on board then the company would have to shut down. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t mean for it to lead to anything. I was just being nice to her at first, but then she kept feeding me drinks and I blacked out. I don’t even remember what happened but all I know is she means nothing to me! All I need is you. Please, you have to believe me.” Tears were now streaming down his face. He looked so desperate for you to believe him that it hurt you to see him like this. This wasn’t the strong, charismatic Yeonjun you used to know. That Yeonjun hasn’t been seen since college. The Yeonjun in front of you is only the shell of the person he was. 

“Yeonjun, I don’t know…” You looked down at your hands, trying to think about what you wanted to do.

“Baby, the deal is already done. I really was at a business meeting tonight. They signed the contract already, so I don’t have to entertain his daughter anymore. I promise. This will never happen again. Baby please, I can change and be a better man for you. Please, I can’t lose you.” He cupped your face in his hands as his thumbs caressed your cheeks. You leaned into his touch and let yourself forgive him one more time. As you nodded, he closed the space and captured your lips. The kiss was forceful and desperate. He successfully conveyed all of his feelings to you with just that one kiss and you hated that you were so weak for him but maybe this was the final draw. Maybe this was the awakening that he needed to get his shit together.

Chaewon was not pleased to hear the outcome of your argument. She was sure this would be the one thing that would make you finally leave him. She never expected you would forgive him and move on like nothing happened. 

“You’re so stupid.” She scoffed, crossing her arms.

“You didn’t see him, Chae. He was really sorry and it wasn’t really even his fault. He was black out drunk.” You sighed.

“Yeah that’s what he wants you to think.”

“Can we please move on from this? I don’t like it when you guys are butting heads.” You pleaded, grabbing her hands and giving her the best puppy dog eyes you could muster.

“Fine, but you have to come with me to a party tonight.” Her eyes twinkled as you gave her an unsure look. 

“Another one? I don’t think Yeonjun will like it if I go out tonight.”

“Fine, then we can continue to talk about you and your stupid decisions.” She replied, sarcastically.

“No! Of course, I would love to go with you! I’m sure Yeonjun will understand if I explain it to him.” You smiled as you cuddled up to her. She tried to keep her angry persona but she melted when you started clinging to her arm. She has to remind herself that she’s angry at Yeonjun and not at you. You didn’t do anything wrong so making you feel bad doesn’t make her the better person.

If there was one thing about Chaewon’s twitch success that you didn’t like, it would be the influencer parties. She would always insist you go with her because she didn’t want to arrive alone, even though you don’t know any of the people there.Well not personally at least, there are always celebrities there but you’re too shy to talk to them. However, these parties always had good alcohol and delicious finger food so you had plenty to keep you occupied as Chaewon mingled. 

“Chae, don’t you think this dress is a little too much?” You frowned in front of the mirror at the skimpy black dress she gave you to wear. It was skintight and fell to the top of your thigh with a princess neckline and off the shoulder straps

“Not at all! You look so sexy!” She clapped her hands in awe.

“I don’t know if I’m really going for sexy tonight.”

“Oh come on. It’s from the new Prada line and one of us has to wear it to the party and I think it looks better on you.” She spun you around to admire the dress on your figure. Once Chaewon made up her mind, there was no changing it so you sighed out in defeat. You let her fix your hair and make up as well as give you a pair of heels to wear. Chaewon wore a light pink dress full of blurry flowers and butterflies with a similar neckline to yours and off the shoulder sleeves. Once she was satisfied with the way you both look, you made your way downstairs into the waiting uber.

The party was grand as expected. All the huge influencers were present, not that you would know any of them, and even a few celebrities. You stuck to Chaewon’s side like glue throughout the night, afraid of losing the small girl in the crowd. After a couple of drinks and snacks, you found yourself sitting beside her on a bench in the corner of the venue. You sighed as you realized you finished another drink. Glancing around, you failed to see any servers with trays of alcohol so you decided to hit the bar. You whispered to Chaewon where you were going and excused yourself from the group.

As you stood at the bar, you looked around at the hundreds of people in attendance and you were in awe at all the pretty people in the room. That was until your eyes landed on a very familiar figure. He was in the corner of the room with three boys around him and you knew right away who they were. Your breath hitched when Heeseung’s eyes flickered to yours and held your gaze. You looked away when the bartender placed your drink in front of you, snapping you out of whatever trance you were in. What was he doing here? Did he recognize you? There’s no way he did. It’s been too long. Right? You tried to be sneaky when you glanced back over to where he was but he was no longer there. Only the three boys remain. They were whispering to each other while gesturing in your direction. That’s odd. Were they talking about you?

“Long time no see.” A breath hits your neck making goosebumps form in its place. You gasped as you spun around to come face to face with Heeseung. “I never thought I would see you again.”

“Uh… yeah… me either.” You stuttered. Heeseung was standing in front of you and he was even more gorgeous in person. He looked more mature than from when you were in high school and maybe a little bit taller too. But his presence was different. His aura was suffocating and you forgot how to breathe.

“So what are you doing here?” He asked, sipping his beer casually.

“Oh.. I’m here with my friend Chaewon.” You answered, following his action and sipping your vodka orange juice. The liquid warmed up your insides, but did little to calm your pounding heart.

“Cool. How have you been?” His gaze was starting to burn as he stared at you. You felt your cheeks heat up as you failed to get any words past your lips. He didn’t push you to answer and you were grateful but the familiar beating of your heart was enough to make you go insane. This isn’t good. You have to get away from him. 

“I’m sorry, I think I need to get back to Chaewon. I don’t want her to think I got lost.” You retreated quickly, leaving him alone. Before he could protest, you were already gone and he lost you in the crowd.

“Chae, can we leave?” You asked, pulling on her arm like a little child.

“What’s wrong?” She looked you up and down to make sure you were okay.

“I’m okay, I just really need to go home now. Yeonjun is looking for me.” You lied. There was a slight pause as she processed your words.

“Yeah of course.” She took your hand and said goodbye to her friends before leading you to the door.

“Y/n, wait!” Heeseung’s voice could be heard over the loud music. Chaewon paused to look over at him before you quickly dragged her out of the building without glancing his way.

“So, are you gonna tell me what’s really going on?” She asked once you got into the uber.

“I ran into my ex and I think I had too much to drink. I didn’t want to do anything stupid so I wanted to leave.” You tried to sound nonchalant but you knew your voice was still weak simply from being in his presence.

“Wait. Who’s your ex?” She tilted her head in confusion. This was the first she’s heard of an ex from you. As far as she knows, you’ve only ever dated Yeonjun.

“It’s Lee Heeseung from the kpop group Enhypen. We used to date in high school before he debuted.” You explained. Your voice didn’t sound nervous but your fidgety hands said otherwise. 

“You used to date Heeseung?!” She gasped. “I play League with him sometimes on stream.”

“You play League with him?! But you suck at that game!” You asked equally as shocked.

“That’s not the point. Is that why he was chasing you down as we were trying to leave?” She raised a brow at you.

“Well, he caught me at the bar and we had a small chat but then I just felt too overwhelmed so I said I needed to leave. I didn’t think he would come after me.” You pondered why he would do that. You weren’t anything to each other anymore.

“Maybe he still likes you. I mean you do look smoking in that dress.” She teased.

“But he’s Heeseung. He could literally get anyone in that room if he wanted to, so I doubt he would want me of all people.” You looked down at your lap.

“Y/n, stop selling yourself short. You’re just as beautiful as any of the other girls at that party. Trust me, he wasn’t the only one making eyes at you.” You scoffed at her but her reassurance did make you feel better. 

“He broke up with me when he left to become an idol. It was his choice.”

“So if he were to want you back, would you take him back?” She questioned.

“I have Yeonjun. I can’t take him back.” And that was the answer she wanted to hear. If Yeonjun was out of the picture then you would take Heeseung back. It’s as simple as that. She knew Heeseung was a good guy from the many rounds of League they played together. Let’s just say, she plays because the viewers want her to and not because she’s amazing at the game. So Heeseung does tend to carry her through most, if not all, of their wins. But he’s never once complained or made her feel like she was a burden to him in any way. So she would much prefer her best friend with a sweet guy like him and not a cheater like Yeonjun.

The gears spun in her head as she cuddled against your side for the rest of the ride. You could’ve caught on to what was going through her head but you were too busy arguing with Yeonjun through text. He was still upset that you went to the party in the first place and now he’s even more upset that you wouldn’t be home tonight because you decided to crash at Chaewon’s place. But you tried to reassure him and said you’ll see him tomorrow. Sighing, you closed your phone to return Chaewon’s cuddles.

The next morning, you got up early to leave, making Chaewon wake up with you and she was not happy about it.

“Let me know when you get there.” She yawned out, as she pulled her covers closer to her chin.

“Okay. I’ll talk to you later.” You giggled, placing a soft kiss to her cheek before heading out.

 Chaewon was going to sleep in today but the events from yesterday were still lingering on her mind. Throwing the covers off, she sat at her computer contemplating if she should message Heeseung or not. Eventually, her hand moved to click his chat.

Y/n told me everything. Do you want her back? She waited for a few seconds before the reply came. 

Of course I do. She smirked at the message.

Perfect. Then you’ll have to do as I say.

Taglist: @nobodyshallenter @sunsunl0ver @huening-ly @qeen123

[sharpth1ng]

I don't know if you remember but I'm the trans guy who asked if there'll be a cis version for the sequel cause he couldn't read the trans version due to some heavy body dysmorphia going on.

Soooo update I finally am able to read the trans version... You probably don't remember but the way you responded helped me a lot to come to terms with the way my body looks right now and that I can still be a man, even like this.

(Tbh for the longest time I thought I was a transphobic woman bc trans characters who hadn't transitioned gave me panic attacks and it's kinda funny in retrospect lol I was just dumb)

And I dunno I just needed you to know that you wrote that beautifully and I'm so relived and happy to be kinda content right now. I haven't felt this good about me... Ever?

And I just read the christmas scene and Stu saw Billy naked for the first time and... And he just wants and loves Billy exactly the way he is and that was so... Healing. (honestly am totally in love with your Stu anyway but this really sealed the deal).

Long story short I have been crying for 30 minutes now. Honestly tears of joy and relief. Thank you!

(I hope you don't mind me telling you this)

Hey dude I definitely remember you! Your ask was important to me, honestly, transmascs like you are some of the people this fic is for. To be clear its for everyone, but the whole reason I wrote two versions was because of my own fluctuating relationship with dysphoria. I understand why you weren't feeling ok to read the trans version, and I'm glad it ended up being a healing experience for you, you have no idea how much it means to me to hear that.

And just as a side note I don't think it dumb you were afraid you were just a transphobic woman. I think it's really easy to internalize transphobia especially when you're still processing your identity. Transphobia is everywhere and it's unquestioned, and in a lot of cases it's more accessible than trans rhetoric that's positive and affirming. I would argue that transphobia has a major presence in a lot of trans communities too honestly, that's what trans-medicalism is.

The reality is our bodies aren't worse than cis bodies, they aren't less attractive. They're just different, but the world acts like it's a fucking tragedy to have to cut your tits off and take hormones, and that's bullshit. I'm a much more attractive trans dude than I was a cis woman. Do I still have a complicated relationship with parts of my body? Yes. Do I still have dysphoria? Yes. But so do cis people.

I wrote the trans version specifically because I wasn't seeing a lot of transmasc representation (in fic or other media) that felt true and affirming to me- not that the other stuff can't be affirming to other transmascs, just I wasn't finding stuff that felt like a positive version of my own experience.

I think theres a tendency to focus on body, dysphoria, and insecurity in trans fiction in a way that isn't untrue, but also which doesn't give me the ability to engage in fun smut the same way I feel cis people get to. Cis people can be insecure about their bodies in lots of ways, I'd argue cis people also experience gender dysphoria (think cis women with small chests, cis men who have breasts or smaller penises, ect.), but it's not nearly as common for sexual depictions of them in fiction to focus on those insecurities, and on navigating the way other people react to their bodies ahead of the actual smut.

The other place I see this happening is with sexual depictions of fat people and disabled people. Our bodies and minds are positioned as barriers in sexual situations, and while realistically we may have things to navigate that cis, thin or able bodied people don't, that doesn't mean those barriers need to be centered in erotica that involves us. Cis, thin, able bodied people have insecurities and sexual hang-ups too, so why do they get to be written as having fun, positive sex without centering those things when we don't? To me it positions transness, fatness, and disability as inherently being a barrier to positive sexuality and I just think that's unrealistic.

I'm rambling but all that is to say, this has been healing to me too. We deserve depictions of ourselves that acknowledge the differences and barriers we do have (like, Billy is still scared about coming out, it's hard for him to do, thats a barrier) without making them the whole experience.

I'm really glad you're feeling better about things, and i'm really, really fucking touched that my writing could be a part of that 🖤

[broomsticks]

oh this was an EXCELLENT article. summarizing discussions and takeaways from a 10-person large 200-level undergraduate discussion course at UIUC about transgender issues in fan fiction!

some fascinating fan meta about Loki i had no idea about:

I started the trans studies unit with the discussion of the recent TV series Loki (2021–), set in the Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU), instead of starting with fan fiction texts. There are several reasons that I chose Loki instead of other fandoms that represent trans people. First, Loki is depicted in canon as gender fluid, making his genderqueer identity valid to the fandom. One teaser of the series shows Loki's case file, and under the category of sex, the file notes Loki is fluid instead of male or female (Romano 2021)

Beckwith argues that even with the shapeshifting abilities, Loki in the MCU is not a gender-fluid character because "up till this point, Loki has never shapeshifted to express himself. He has shapeshifted to disguise himself, which is the exact opposite of self-expression." … [on the other hand, there was another argument made that] Loki's shapeshifting is an expression of "doing" mischief, which is a part of his identity, as he is titled the God of Mischief.

ahhh super interesting!

the question arises: do related fan fictions do a better job in using Loki as an icon for gender fluidity? … I asked students to read three fan fiction stories on AO3 centered around or related to trans representation [including busaikko's cross-dressing dudley fic (1.3k, G)].

lots of engagement by the students including reading the comments, lots of positive sentiments towards fanfiction, but some good caveats:

quite a few students were cautious about the general supernatural settings of fan fiction, which indicates their poignant perception of the differences between trans representation in fiction and real life and their effects. [Students also noted] that the supernatural element in fan fiction might also indicate a sense of escapism in its representation of queer and trans people. For example, one student pointed out that "supernaturalness is currently being used as an 'easy out' for representation. If the only people that are represented as queer are supernatural, that still makes it seem as if being queer is not 'normal.'" Another student also argued, "Fan fictions use supernaturalness and fantasy to perpetuate false or inaccurate queer representations.

i loved this especially!

one student chose to explore trans studies in Harry Potter fan fiction though she was not familiar with trans theories before this course. In a very well-written final essay, the student examined how the destabilization of the boundaries between common binaries, such as human versus nonhuman, male versus female, and magical versus nonmagical, in the original Harry Potter fandom inspired nonbinary gender interpretation of fan fiction through a transgender lens.

dirgewithoutmusic fic!!

---

there was also a substantial discussion on omegaverse - history, references, food for thought!

Despite its popularity, few academic projects have studied the Omegaverse extensively, besides Kristina Busse's (2013) article and Marianne Gunderson's (2017) and Milena Popova's (2018) dissertations. Nevertheless, we should acknowledge the potential for the Omegaverse to promote social justice, as it may question the fixated binary gender identities. I argue that the Omegaverse can act as an accessible and influential special case to discuss nonbinary gender identities in college classrooms.

one student argued, "ABO [Omegaverse] is strange to me because it covers the whole spectrum from 'porn with no plot' to 'extensive metaphor undoing gender roles.'

students were also very perceptive in discovering the hidden heteronormativity and heteropatriarchy behind the nonbinary gender settings, with one student saying, "ABO fan fictions tend to perpetuate heteronormativity by portraying all relationships (even queer relationships) as the stereotype of one 'masculine' and dominant person, and one 'feminine' and submissive person. This stereotype is harmful especially to the queer community because it forces the ideas of cisgender and straight relationships onto queer ones."

students also centered the topic of male Omegas and discussed why this group is even more sexualized and degraded than female Omegas in the Omegaverse and the implications behind this phenomenon. Students appropriated the male-gaze concept in feminist studies and argued that this phenomenon can be interpreted as the result of the cis gaze, as male Omegas are othered and viewed as the fetishized subjects of cis females' sexual imagination

[lokiinmediasideblog]

Operation Olive Branch: Help a Palestinian family

Call your reps to allow Gaza aid!

If you can't donate to Palestine, click here for ad revenue to go to them

Donate E-SIMS to Gaza! (Nomad, Mogo, Airalo).

TOURNAMENT OF LOKIS 2024:

Tell your representatives to OPPOSE THE EARN IT ACT!!!! And KOSA!!!

Adopt an axolotl. This amphibian whose likeness has become popular for merchandise and art, is endemic to Lake Xochimilco. Funding for the preservation and rehabilitation of its habitat was cut by the Mexican government:

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My Tags

IStartShit-If you want to avoid seeing me argue with people and being annoying, block this tag.

myth!Loki-Refers to the Loki from Norse Mythology

mcu!Loki-Refers to the Loki from the MCU (not the comics)

comics!Loki-Refers to the Loki from Marvel comics

I will use similar tags for other norse myth inspired figures (e.g. myth!Thor).

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hot takes-My possibly divisive views on Loki-related media and Loki-related media fandom

Disclaimers:

I will block you if you don't have any posts on your blog.

When I say I hate a trope, it doesn't mean I think it should be banned. I am against banning content. I am just very critical of it and personally hate it and/or avoid it. Criticism does not equal harassment or censorship.

I am not Norse pagan. I am an Atheist.

I try to keep the myths separate from Marvel properties, and other media by using the tags mentioned above.

I do not condone harassment based on fictional media.

My MCU OTP is Valki (Valkyrie/Loki). I am neutral/indifferent to pretty much other ship. I am bound to defend those ships if I see too much wank because I am a huge contrarian. I think the only Loki-related ship I dislike is Frostiron because I can't stand Tony Stark. I try and don't want to be moralistic about it though.

I hate purity culture, right-wingers, and "radfem" and TERF rhetoric. Thought crimes are not a thing. And there's nothing liberating about bio-essentialism.

Comic books for free:

There's also the Hoopla app, based on your local library.

[itsartistpending]

The Vision (2015)

General Watered Down Plot:  *Spoilers Ahead*

The series opens with the next door neighbors bickering as to whether or not the Visions would eat the cookies made for them. We discover Vision has this new family full of other synthezoids who look just like him. Virginia is his wife and they have two children named Victor and Vivian. They appear to live the normal domestic life style and even acquire a synthezoid dog named Sparky through the series. However, through the series it becomes even more clear that things are not normal as the tone can be felt though the art style alone. The way they are depicted with black hole eyes adds a sense of uncanniness to them. This series is riddled with death and has very ominous undertones about mortality and what makes someone real. 

(Issue 1)

*A SMALL DISCLAIMER*

In full honestly it has been a long while since i read and completed this series so my memory is not the best. Thanks for bearing with me. 

What is Really Going On:

It is very evident that this story is about what is considered normal. It is easy to look at the surface level and say that robots/ synthezoids cant be have similar experiences to humans. All of us would assume that since we have not had interactions with synthezoids and this is purely in a fictional world. So if we take the idea from this series and apply it to our world, I think this story is trying to warn us that life is fleeting and there is no point isolating others or yourself from what life has to offer. To me it also seems to be saying to embrace what makes you different (a bit cliche I know).  

Victor & Viv:

Victor and Viv have one of the most classic high school experiences. They are considered outcasts and have a hard time making friends. Victor and Viv both fit into two very classic high school stereotypes. Victor is the quite outcasts who gets bullied for existing all while just trying to make it through the day. Viv is the studious shy girl who tries so very hard to please every single person around her. 

*To fairly analyze this Im going to break it down and separate Viv and Victor* 

Victor:

It can be seen so much through the series that Victor is a cautious young boy trying his best to figure out his place in the world, especially in a world that despises him. On the first day of school, Victor askes Viv if he is normal. Her response is to say that Vision told them to remain ordinary. Victor is confused and questions if being ordinary makes him normal. Through the series Victor is constantly trying to figure out how to be normal. He is confused as he does everything a normal kid his age does. He likes football, does his homework, goes to school everyday, he has his own likes and dislikes yet all of that isnt making him ‘normal’ to others. He struggles with this through the entirety of the series. 

(Issue 1)

Much later in the series, the children meet their uncle and Victor walks in on something he isnt supposed to see. His uncle is working with the Avengers and reporting in on the family. Victor is confused and his uncle (either accidently or not) uses his electric powers on Victor. The whole time his uncle is telling him to stop resisting while Victor is crying out for his dad to save him. eventually everything comes to a stop and for a brief moment if seems like Victor might be ok. A few moments later he is dead and in the arms of his father and mother, he is a synthezoid after all.

Victors want to fit in and be normal, lead to his death. One could argue, Victor was normal and can be proven in his final moments. Victor had the curiosity that drove him to discover what his uncle was up to. Isnt curiosity a natural human state? Would him feeling curiosity make him normal? His deference to what was considered ‘normal’ in that world lead to him and his family being stalked and watched and his own death. The world could not accept him and choose to kill him rather then learn from him. 

(Issue 9)

One thing that summarizes up Victors life would be this classic quote from Cicero, “They condemn what they do not understand”. 

Viv:

Viv has quite similar experiences to Victor in the way that she isnt considered normal. The only difference is that she chooses not to dwell on it and carry about her life as best as possible. Viv is also quite clearly a people pleaser. She does her best to seem and act as ordinary as possible to live up to her fathers requests. She never makes any noise or causes any issues. One day as she is walking to class a kid stops her and she braces for another rude comment but this kid actually just wants to get to know her and leaves the convo by saying that he thinks she is pretty cool despite what others may think. She obviously feels validated and warmed by another person approving of her. She had gotten so used to rejection that she did not expect anyone to ever think more of her then just some fancy looking robot. Unfortunately her world came crashing down when this kid was killed (read Virginias section to know more) in a freak accident. The only person in the world, outside of her family, who had accepted her was now gone and she felt like she was to blame for it in some weird way.

There is a common theme with Viv through this series. This series is riddled with death and murder of all kinds by so many different people. Because of this, Viv becomes almost accustomed to it and thinks it is just apart of her life. the world will try and kill her just for existing so why should she give any energy back into the world that hates her. To me she is the embodiment of paralyzing fear and pain. She is so sacred and afraid of the world that wont take more then 2 seconds to judge her that she becomes emotionless to it. This is seen later in the Champions series. However, it is through this that she realizes that she is not normal, she never was and never will be. There will always be people who judge her in the world but she knows she cant change their mind. As shown to her once before, there are some people who will like her for who she is and she has to choose to put her energy into them. 

(Issue 12)

Viv's personal journey continues with Champions as that is the team she chooses to join after leaving Vision behind.

Virginia:

Virginia is quite a complex character in this series and one could argue that this entire series is mainly about Virginia. She is a housewife and has the typical housewife duties except there is no need for those since they are are synthezoids. there is no need to cook, clean, take care of children or a home. So Virginia struggles with her sense of identity very aggressively through this series. She, like everyone else in the series, wishes to be normal and blend in as best as possible into a town that will not welcome her. In the entire 12 issue run she kills 3 people and their dog. Of the 3 people she kills, 2 of them were children. Then first kid she killed was vandalizing their home. She grabbed him through the wall and he was dead. The next one was on accident. She had gone to the home of a parent threatening their family. Little did she know this was the father of the only friend Viv had. His father tried to shoot her but she phased and it hit his son instead. Virginia killed sparky in a fit of rage after the death of victor. Lastly, Virginia killed Victor Mancha (vision’s technical brother) in revenge for her son.

I think Virginia represents the extreme need to protect and defend. She tries so hard to stand up for her family but every single time she does, it backfires only making them look worse. In the end, her ideas of trying to help their image just ends up leaving a long line or red behind them.

It all comes to a head for her with the death of her son. She is too angry to do anything other then retaliate the only way she has known how through the entire story. The man responsible for the death of her son does not live much longer. Virginia then has to face the wrath of Viv for not doing good enough. Vision is gone with no explanation, her daughter is furious with her and her son his dead. Virginia, unable to bear it any longer, ends her life.

(Issue 12)

Virginia struggled with her sense of identity through the entire run. Isn't that a core experience that many "normal" people go through as well? Sure she did plenty of horrible things but she did it to protect her family. She struggled with her identity in a much different sense then ay other characters in this story. She is supposed to care and provide for her children as she is programmed to be a mother. However, her children do not need her like that since there aren't many "normal" house chores or family duties for her to attend to. Is it really fair to blame her for her spiral? Couldn't it be argued that all the things she did (barring death) were normal ?

Vision:

In my opinion, Vision is the real enemy through the series. He created this family in the aftermath of him and Wanda's relationship dissolving so he could have a family that understood him. He created his daughter, son and wife all in his image. They of all things would understand him and get him. He was the one from the very beginning of the story who told his whole family to be as ordinary as possible. he placed all this pressure on his family because he was tired of being seen as unusual himself.

(Issue 1)

Vision had the chance to give his family the lessons he had learned through his years and let them live on their own and experience the world for themselves. Instead, he made sure that they knew the world was already unaccepting of them placing all this fear in them. Vision couldn't live with himself so he made more of him to share his sorrow with. He made sure that they would never be normal.

Personal Takes-Aways:

Personally I think this store has a very intricate and deep meaning that I'm not even fully capable of comprehending. The one thing that seems to stick out to me though is Visions role. He created his family and was the one instilling them with fear and pressure to confirm and be normal from the very beginning. This is something seen in our lives very often. In the real world, we are often faced with the judgment of others and feel the need to conform to what is considered "normal" by society. This has long lasting damaging effects on everyone. Those effects are shown quite dramatically in this series. Viv runs away and keeps everything repressed. She becomes a stone cold individual who doesn't form connections (though she changes through champions). Virginia acts out in anger and ends up ending her own life which, is unfortunately something that many people in real life do who feel this pressure to great extremes. Victor was harmed through his pursuit of being normal. In the end, Vision, the one pressuring all of them, is left alone.

Overall Review and Rating:

Overall, i give this tory 5 stars. This story has its place in fame for a reason. I do encourage everyone to read it just know there is a lot of violence and it is a dark story. The story and art is supposed to be unsettling so take that as your warning. This is a story that doesn't need much pre-reading in order to understand what is going on as almost all of the context is given in flashbacks. The only context not given is how Vision and Victor Mancha are related but that can be rendered with a quick google search.

I know this review was super long compared to what i usually write but this story is deserving of such an analysis bad one even greater then what this is.

As always discussion is welcomed in the comments, my asks or my dms!

[ryanmeft]

Movie Review: American Fiction

Thelonious Ellison is an angry man. You get the feeling that he is always angry, always has been angry and unless he changes something, always will be angry. He is right about the world and about people when he thinks that they all want easy answers and spoon-fed entertainment, but being right won’t fix what’s wrong with him. The movie is about whether he can do that himself.

What does he need to fix? Everyone around him has an opinion, and everyone may have a point. Understanding broken people requires broken people, so Monk, as he is usually called, is fortunate that his whole family is broken. They are still suffering from the suicide of the father, an unseen phantom. The mother (Leslie Uggams) is in the early stages of dementia. The plastic surgeon brother Cliff (Sterling K. Brown) has recently been divorced after being caught with a man, and has responded to his outing with unreserved debauchery.  The only really responsible member of the family is the older sister Lisa (Tracee Ellis Ross), a doctor at a fictional version of Planned Parenthood, but when she unexpectedly dies, the family’s remaining broken pieces must come together to solve the puzzle that is them.

Monk does this while struggling with the low sales of his books as readers prefer more salacious fiction that gives them what they think the black experience is like---guns, drugs, hopeful stories of rising out of imagined ghettos painted in the most generalized of lights. Monk doesn’t want to tell that kind of story, and indeed argues that he cannot. He is a well-educated black professor from an upper-middle-class background, and he wants to write about the experiences of black people like himself. The audience doesn’t want to read them, and eventually in a night of doubt he gives in and dashes off a quick book that plays to the stereotypes, with Keith David and Okieriete Onaodowan as the hilarious personifications of two of his characters. Like the play in The Producers, he intends the book to be derided and to fail, and also like The Producers, it is an unexpected hit. Hurting for money, Monk and his long-suffering agent Arthur (John Ortiz) play along to increasingly hilarious results.

The most pressing issue on Monk’s mind is his mother, who deteriorates rapidly. Uggams’ performance is full of sympathy. She has a single screenplay-dramatic moment that ends up forcing the family’s hand, but mostly her condition is treated as a slow descent. Notes of The Father, one of the few successful depictions of Alzheimer’s on screen, can be detected here, as she becomes abrasive as a defense and only turns lucid long enough to recall her husband’s infidelity. Brown as the brother injects comedy into the proceedings with his many drug-loving younger lovers and his acid tongue, but it is to the film’s great credit that he doesn’t remain merely comedic relief. His story eventually gets a catharsis that allows Monk to think he might, at some point, receive his own. Monk’s only real ally seems to be newfound girlfriend Coraline (Erica Alexander), but there are cracks there from the beginning, as he covers up for his actual abrasive nature with the kind of humor that is meant to hide hostility.

Monk’s nemesis is Sintara Golden, a best-selling author who “writes black” in every way Monk disapproves of. Played by Issa Rae, she comes off initially as a cheap plot device, but shifts a little when the two are thrown into the same panel of judges for a book award contest. Yet another brave touch in the movie is how their inevitable confrontation is handled. We can at least sort of respect her as long as she thinks she is doing a genuine thing, even if she isn’t. Trapped in a candid moment, she lets down her practiced talk circuit defenses and reveals her true reasons for writing the way she does. What those are I will leave for you to discover, but the character is much stronger and a suitable nemesis for Monk by not being made into a “girl boss” figurehead.

The movie is rife with conversations meant to expose the deep racial and personal biases well-meaning white liberals often inadvertently show. It is sometimes subtle and sometimes not, and for the most part each kind of depiction is effective. What strikes me most about this aspect of the movie is entirely subjective. I saw it in a preview screening at a film festival where the audience was mostly older and mostly white. Every time the film skewered some convention of “black” popular culture and the way non-black people see it, I couldn’t help wondering if I was the mark. If I was, I didn’t feel attacked by that, but rather encouraged to re-examine my views. The fact I did all this while laughing my ass off should at least tell you one thing: you should go see this movie.

Verdict: Highly Recommended

Note: I don’t use star ratings. Here are my possible verdicts:

Must-See

Highly Recommended

Recommended

Average

Not Recommended

Avoid Like the Plague

[luulapants]

Hurt/Comfort as Wish Fulfillment

Something that’s missing in discussions about hurt/comfort fiction is that the catharsis comes not just from the comfort but also from the hurt. I often see the comfort element described as a wish fulfillment fantasy. I think it is essential to acknowledge that the hurt, very often, is also wish fulfillment.

Of the 855,654 AO3 fics tagged Hurt/Comfort today, 13.2% (almost 114k) are tagged for Graphic Depictions of Violence. If you exclude those fics where authors chose not to use archive warnings, that rate goes up to 18%. To put that in context, compared to the archive as a whole, Hurt/Comfort fics are 74% more likely to contain a graphic violence warning.

Even if the horrors are not graphically described, they are by and large unambiguously awful. There is an abuser or perpetrator on one side, who is unquestioningly the villain of our story. They are focused on the victim and intentionally cause their pain.

On the other side, a victim who is obviously deserving of pity. There is no gray area, no question of whether the villain was really that bad, whether they did this on purpose. There is no debate over whether the victim was complicit in their abuse or if they suffered enough to deserve our sympathy.

That’s the fantasy.

Most abuse is passive: not an intentional and active exacting of harm but a failure to avoid causing harm. It is terribly easy to hurt another person. Most abusive people were once victims. The people who will perpetrate harm against you in your life, they will almost certainly do so not because of anything you are or have done. They will do so because of who they are and what has been done to them. It’s difficult, painful, to realize that the cause of your pain had nothing to do with you.

Victims are not perfect people. They make decisions that worsen their situations. They spread their trauma around and cause harm to other people. Mutually abusive relationships are rampant, and arguing over who is the most abusive, the most at fault, who started it and who is defending themselves - all of that is irrelevant beyond the fact that it does not create unambiguously pitiable victims.

A story where an unquestioningly evil villain is obsessively focused on causing violent harm to a victim who does nothing to bring the situation upon themselves, that’s a fantasy. A fantasy of perfect pity. Perfect victimhood. A clear cause of harm that is easy to identify and easy to fight. Harm that has everything to do with you, that places you at the center of the story. Harm so horrific that no one will ever think you should be “over it” by now. A victim so virtuous, that when the comfort comes and someone says, “It’s not your fault,” you will be able to believe it.

Like the catharsis that comes from the latter half of the story, the catharsis of this perfect abuse narrative can be helpful to authors and readers, but failing to identify it as a wish fulfillment fantasy can actually do harm. It can cause people to doubt their own real-life narratives of trauma, to agonize with guilt or even rewrite the memories to erase those ugly gray areas.

A fantasy of perfect victimhood is just that - a fantasy. You will probably never meet anyone with a story like this, but that doesn’t mean you will never meet someone deserving of comfort.

[fideidefenswhore]

There is an article by Lauren Mackay saying that Chapuys was usually just telling the truth and that some negative things that he wrote about Anne apparently weren’t written by him and that he wasn’t the only person to say anything negative about her or called her “the concubine” in his letters. Thoughts?

Chapuys has been erroneously maligned for his opposition to Anne, and his reputation and character are now twisted into something dark, insidious, and misogynistic. This is far from the truth. Chapuys referred to Anne as the concubine once in 1533, and then more frequently from 1535, but more often than not he referred to her as Lady Anne, or Marchioness. The Anne of his original letters is perhaps more human than depictions in popular fiction. It’s too easy to perpetuate the outdated myth that Chapuys was violently opposed to Anne and her family, and would stop at nothing to bring her down. The image Chapuys’ letters left me with was a man opposed to an ambitious woman, but who felt so strongly about her arrest and execution that he was willing to tell Charles V, the most powerful man in Europe: What Henry has done here is unconscionable. Her execution weighed heavily on his mind in the weeks following that bloody May.

This article, right? I think there might have been a similar one in AB Files, too, I remember something of a back and forth in the comment section btwn her and Claire Ridgway...

My research has demonstrated that Chapuys did not only refer to Anne as the Concubine. Even when he referred to her as the Lady, it is said that he “disgustedly” referred to her as such. But Chapuys referred to other women the same way, it does him a disservice to force such a hostile tone into his words. From 1529 to 1533, Anne was referred to as Anne Boleyn, The Lady, Mademoiselle Anne, Lady Anne etc. From 1533 to 1536, he refers to her as the Concubine once. The title crops up when he is under emotional stress.

Don’t you hate it when emotional stress causes you to call women whores? It’s so unfortunate! /s

So...yeah, the comment section isn’t loading, but if memory serves, as Claire corrected, the “referred to her as the Concubine once” is not true? I also don’t think referring to her as ‘the she-devil’ is much better, but...anyway, so I see now the former article was published later than the latter, I suppose there was either an edit there, and/or the second she realized she hadn’t specified. 

It’s not an ‘outdated myth’ that he was violently and implacably opposed to Anne and her family, though? Like...it’s simply not, even if we start off earlier than 1535. He pushed for her excommunication and hoped it would lead to her ruin. That shows someone that is very deeply and emotionally involved in their hatred of another person:

If in the meanwhile His Holiness could but be persuaded to fulminate a complete excommunication against the Lady, in case she refused to leave court, the King would have less occasion to complain than if the excommunication was decreed against him; the people of England might then wreak their vengeance upon her, remonstrate with the King, and make the interdict follow her wherever she went.

February 1533

Like...what does this remark show us? Disdain for Henry over Anne, as she’s argued elsewhere? Because he’s arguing here that the excommunication should specifically be fulminated against Anne, not Henry. In all the outcomes he lists, Anne is the focus, Anne is the one he wants the people of England to ‘wreak their vegenace upon’, nothing about this is casual, and I feel it’s an insult to my intelligence to insist considering such dispatches ‘hostile’ is to ‘force a hostile tone’ where there is none.

[anthroparis]

People just dye their hair for fun. It's not symbolic babes.

okay let's start off with the fact that michela is a fictional character. she's not real.

and color symbolism in media is, in fact, important. and it exists everywhere.

when people see a color, there's often a feeling or thought attached to it- fast food companies use red more than any other color because red elicits hunger. people use blue to represent sadness, pink is youthful and romantic, yellow is happy, and so on. this is pretty standard color theory.

people have been using color in abstract ways to represent stories and emotion for thousands of years. just look at the contrast between this rococo era painting by jean-honore fragonard and this impressionist piece by claude monet

both of these pieces are very similar in subject matter: a woman in a long dress, a sunny day, a natural environment. if I described these on paper rather than showing them to you, you'd assume they're fairly similar paintings.

but you can look at these and feel a clear difference between the two. why?

because of the visual elements! the method, the chiaroscuro, the colors, the blocking.

ALL OF THESE THINGS HAVE SYMBOLISM IN THEM. THEIR POINT IS TO ELICIT A REACTION IN THE VIEWER.

lets look at another!

this is the arnolfini portrait by jan van eyck. it's one of the most famous and significant pieces in western art.

you can easily look at this and say "hey look it's two people in a room" but painters, AGAIN, FOR HUNDREDS OF YEARS, have been using symbolism to depict real people. even the green of the dress represents hope, likely to have a child (indicated by the way she's holding her dress up and the dog, which by some arguments may represent lust between the two subjects)

THESE ARE REAL PEOPLE. BY THE WAY. ARTISTS MAKE DELIBERATE CHOICES TO INCLUDE SYMBOLISM IN ARTISTIC MEDIUMS.

anyway, even if it wasn't a deliberate choice on the creators part, there's this awesome thing called "death of the author" which was a french essay that argued that the original intent of the creator becomes null once the work is published, and the audience interpretation is ultimately more important.

so even if it did mean nothing in the writing process, to me it is significant. other people will have different interpretations but it'll be significant, too.

blue is a complicated color. dark blue is regal, calming, but also subdued and depressed. this could mean a lot of things, but looking at it compared to the green, just the fact that it's different, means there's some kind of change happening. even if it's purely physical.

I work in (indie, not big-budget) film and I've always felt the "the curtains are just fucking blue" argument completely defeats the point of analysis.

the reason why English class is core curriculum in schools over here isn't because it's fun silent reading hour, it's to help prepare kids to make choices and understand other perspectives and complicated situations through critical thinking.

when you limit yourself, when you say things like "that's just how it is, it doesn't mean anything" you're not only spitting on the work, you're creating a reality in which you can throw aside hard questions because "that's just how it is" is your answer to other people wanting to understand things. church v. galileo moment.

when you watch a movie, it's easy to just take it all at surface value and not give it a second thought. it's just entertainment, right? it's not supposed to make you feel anything other than pleasantly amused like a court jester!

I've worked on films. I do work on films. every single decision, from the angle of a certain shot to where the actors are standing, is deliberate. and it's so good that you don't even notice it!

in real life, my hair is blue right now. it means nothing except for me liking the color blue.

michela is not fucking real. she does not have the same agency I do to go "oh, I have some dark blue dye left in the bottle, I'll do that this month." because she is not real. she is a character.

for you, I recommend looking up some storyboards from movies, checking out some abstract art (pollock is a good place to start), and watching ralphthemoviemaker's minions review, where he talks about why character design is important.

And none of this even matters anyway because I was making a scott pilgrim joke.

the end