#Dennis the cat deserved better.

[one-in-a-million-fishsticks]

The Netflix show Kaos just rewired my brain chemistry.

First of all, fuck Zeus. That fucker killed a kitten, a baby, and who-the-fuck-knows who else. I will never forgive him.

Secondly, Dionysus as an immature fratboy is everything that I never knew I needed.

Hera is awful and deserves every bit of shit that Zeus gives her, but we already knew that.

Persephone was ✨ SLAYING ✨ from start to finish, her and Hades have my whole heart.

Prometheus genuinely had me snorting here and there, I loved him.

Fuck all the way off, Poseidon.

The fact that the entire rest of the pantheon fails to appear at all purely because they make a hobby out of avoiding Zeus at any cost might be the funniest fucking thing ever to come out of an interpretation of Greek mythology.

Riddy (Eurydice) and Orpheus are both such great characters, alone and as a complicated relationship thing. They're super well rounded and developed, both mean well, but they're so humanly written. They don't know what to do with each other, neither wants to hurt the other, but their decisions are flawed and their love has turned into such a messy situationship. It's beautiful when they finally communicate and accept the circumstances for what they are.

A healthy breakup, in my Greek mythology media?

It's more likely than you think!

Canaeus, my beloved.

Cassandra, my scruffier beloved!!!! 🤩

Ari, you own my heart now.

All such well written characters, now where's my Season 2 announcement?

[incognit0slut]

Since hearing Streets by Doja cat (silhouette remix) I always thought if I ever had the chance to striptease for someone, that would definitely need to be the song playing in the background, the rhythm is so sensual. So can I request a smut with Spencer centered around this song?

Love your blog and tiktok edits, and congrats for reaching 3k! You deserve it!

tysm lovely hope you enjoy this🫶 (wc) 3.1k!

warnings: (MINORS DNI!) Reader is a stripper, lap dance, pantyjob, a lot of grinding lol

Play our fantasies

The FBI agent visiting your workplace wants more from you than answers to his questions.

…we play our fantasies out in real life ways…

"THE FBI IS WAITING FOR YOU," your boss said the moment you stepped down from the stage, his voice a low murmur amidst the pulsating beats of the club. Your clients varied from politicians to well-known celebrities, but you never had the chance to entertain an authority before.

Your boss rolled his eyes as he gripped your arm, navigating you to the VIP lounge. "He's not here for that."

"Oh?"

"He's here to ask some questions," Teddy explained as he released his hold, motioning you to follow him. "Said he wanted to know about one of your regulars."

"My regulars? Who?"

He gave you a sideway glance as you both strode to the back area of the club. "Dennis."

You raised an eyebrow. "Dennis Meade?" You asked. "That lawyer? He hasn't even been here for over a month."

Your boss shrugged. "Maybe that's why the FBI is looking for him, only god knows where he is."

"It's always those quiet ones, huh?" You jested, your heels clacking on the marble floor. You stopped for a moment when you passed a wall that was covered with mirrors, fixing your hair through the reflection. When your boss noticed he was walking alone, he turned around and gave you a disapproved look.

"He's only here to ask you questions."

"I know." You smiled, delicately smearing off the subtle lipstick mark that had smudged over your lip line from the dance routine you performed on the pole earlier. Satisfied with how you looked, you made your way back to Teddy.

"Is he cute?" You asked playfully.

"Y/n."

"I thought we weren't supposed to use our real names on the clock."

He sighed, the ambient lighting casting a soft glow on his exasperated expression as you both continued to walk down the hallway, the distant thump of music reverberating through the walls.

"Angel," he pressed sarcastically, emphasizing your stage name. "Doctor Spencer Reid is keeping his identity discreet, so don't attract any attention to him."

"Doctor?" You mused. "Thought he was a cop."

"FBI agent," he corrected.

"Tomato, Tomahto." You finally stopped at the entrance of the VIP area, a line of doors covered in drapes separating each private space. "Which one is he in?"

"Corner left at the end." He gave you a pointed look. "It's better to stay with him according to your usual private session, lessen any suspicion."

You smirked. Spending half an hour in a room with an authority sounded intriguing. Teddy rolled his eyes as he saw the look you gave him. "No funny business, Angel."

"Of course not, Teddy," you assured him, giving him the most innocent smile you could muster.

He shook his head and took a step back. "You're trouble."

With a playful wink, you pushed open the door to the VIP area and stepped into the dimly lit space. The ambiance shifted from the bustling energy of the club to a more intimate setting. The smell of burning wax filled your nose in the form of vanilla-scented candles as you made your way to the corner suite.

A man stood in the middle of the room, his scrutinizing eyes scanning the small platform in the corner with a pole planted on top of it, but as he heard your footsteps, he turned around and met your gaze.

Your eyes slowly assessed him. His features were sharp, his gaze piercing, and an air of confidence surrounded him. There was something magnetic about his presence, an unexpected allure that contradicted the stereotypical image of an FBI agent. You were never this close to an FBI agent before, but were they supposed to be this attractive?

As the door closed behind you, the muffled sounds of the club outside were replaced by a peculiar intimacy. Especially when his eyes roamed your body, taking in the lingerie top barely covering your breasts and the thin silk panties you chose to wear today.

"You must be Angel," he greeted, watching you intently. The dim light accentuated the subtle nuances of his expression.

"And you must be Doctor Spencer Reid," you replied, injecting a subtle hint of playfulness into your tone. "What brings the FBI to our humble abode?"

"Spencer, please." His lips then curved into a faint smile. "I'm here on official business. There's a matter I'd like to discuss with you."

"About Dennis Meade, I presume?"

His eyebrows raised slightly, acknowledging your astuteness. "You're well-informed."

"It's part of the job," you responded with a casual shrug. You took a moment to assess the situation before nodding towards the plush seating. "You should take a seat, Dr. Reid."

He did as he was told, but his eyes went wide when he noticed you stepping onto the platform instead of following him. "What are you doing?"

"I was told you didn't want your identity to be known," you said as you gripped the pole. "There are cameras everywhere; I'd say it would seem suspicious for the security to see I'm only talking when I should be working."

He watched as you started to move around the pole, your movements deliberate and gracefully controlled. The ambient lighting cast a subtle glow, creating a surreal atmosphere within the room. The pulsating music from the club outside, its tune slow and seductive, provided an unexpected rhythm in the closed space.

"This way, it seems like just another part of the show," you continued as you swayed your hips seductively. "Now, what did you want to discuss about Dennis?"

Spencer's gaze followed your every move and you watched as his tongue flickered along his bottom lips. "We believe he might be involved in something that requires our attention."

You leaned back, arching your back in a sultry pose. "Dennis hasn't been around here for a while. Why the sudden interest?"

"It's not the first time he's come under our radar," Spencer explained, his tone measured. "We're trying to locate him to gather more information."

"I can't say I know much about him," you replied. "There wasn't anything particularly noteworthy about him, at least not that I'm aware of."

Spencer absorbed the information, his expression thoughtful. But it was hard to keep his mind on the case he was supposed to be investigating when your moves became more daring as you leaned down, actuating your luscious hips that were barely covered with that thin string of fabric covering your sex. Then his mouth dried up as you turned around in front of him and fully bent over, exposing the delicious curve of your ass.

He tried to steady his breathing. "Any peculiar behavior… conversations, or associations you might recall might help."

You twirled around the pole again, a moment of contemplation before you spoke. "He kept to himself mostly. No unusual conversations that stood out. As for associations, he didn't seem to have any close ties with the regulars here. Just a quiet guy who enjoyed the performances."

"Especially yours?"

"Well, who wouldn't?" you teased, your gaze locking with his. "I do put on quite a show."

You threw your head back as you moved again and god, it was criminally sensual, the way you danced, unlike anything Spencer had ever seen before. He couldn't put into words the allure you possessed. When you ran a hand over your skin, dipping into every curve, he was unable to hold back any longer, drawn to you like a moth to a flame. 

"It seems that way," he murmured, his voice dangerously low as he leaned back in his seat.

His jaw then slacked open, heavy breaths being ragged out as he got a better look at you when you started to approach him. Your hair shone under the lights, red-painted lips ghosting upon your lips as you straddled his lap. You leaned into him, placing a knee on each side of his thigh to press into the thick, leather chair. 

"Is this also part of the show?" he softly asked.

You chuckled, the sound low and sultry, matching the tempo of the music. "Maybe it is. Maybe it isn't." The palm of your hands slid over his arms, sending warmth along his skin even through the fabric of his shirt. "Depends on what you want it to be, Dr. Reid."

You swore you could see his muscles tense when your fingers glided over his shoulder, and with a sharp inhale, his head fell against the seating. He was even more handsome up close. He had soft skin, a sharp jaw covered with a soft stubble, and brown-colored eyes that shone underneath the fluorescent lights.

His breath caught as you moved in closer, the distance between you diminishing rapidly. The proximity between you two grew more intense, and his initial purpose of discussing the case became a distant memory. 

Your lips hovered close to his ear as you whispered, "Do you want me to continue?"

Spencer's mind raced as he struggled to maintain composure. The unexpected turn of events left him breathless, his professional facade gradually giving way to your seduction. It was as if his fantasies were playing out right before his eyes. Having you perched on his lap, the intimate proximity, the charged atmosphere—all of it seemed to align with his imagination.

Then a low, almost invisible, "Yes," escaped his lips.

The single word carried a weight that hung in the air as if the room itself was holding its breath. It was enough of an answer as you slowly lowered your hips. Your thighs parted for him, and you pressed your center against him, letting out a low gasp when you felt how hard he already was.

It shouldn't have surprised you, after all, it was the usual reaction to every man you had to entertain. Maybe it was the unfamiliar setting that had you growing hot; to be on someone's lap who was a high authority, someone who was here for work, someone who wasn't even paying for your time. Yet you couldn't help it, especially when his hands found your hips, urging you to move.

You obeyed, beginning to press your aching cunt against his bulge, rocking your hips softly back and forth. As you do, your silk panties slid over his pants, earning a hiss from his parted lips. You couldn't help but smirk as your palms pressed to his shoulders, offering stability as your hips rolled against his body.

You felt the warmth flooding between your thighs as you grind your folds against him, earning a few twitches of his hips in return. You would normally call in security if any of your clients touched you inappropriately. The club patrons could touch, but there was a policy of grabbing, holding, or leaving marks. 

And what Spencer was doing surpassed all the rules. One, he wasn't even a client, and two, you would be in trouble if you were caught enjoying this. Your job was to entertain people, not be entertained. Yet you were far too gone to think of the consequences. The fear of getting caught still weighed on your mind, but with your throbbing clit pressing to him as you rode him, the worries diminished faster than they could build.

You couldn’t deny the bliss that filled your body. Grinding against him had you lost in the moment, legs beginning to quiver as his fingers pressed into your hips harder, head falling back, curses pouring from his lips. His nails began to press to your flesh and it should have inflicted you pain, but instead, you were even more drawn to him that you reached for his belt.

"May I?" You whispered, eyes locking with his. He wasn't sure it was the wisest idea to submit to whatever plan you had in mind, but he found himself nodding, and a few moments later you were already busy undoing his pants.

Your fingers hook into the band of his briefs next, urging the fabric down with assistance from him as his hardened cock spring free. He bit down on his bottom lip, anticipating your every move a second before your fingers wrapped around his girth. Slipping your grip to his swollen, reddened tip, a hiss spilled from his parted lips, and then your palm slid back down his length as his hips pushed forward into your grasp.

"That—" He struggled to say, too focused on the way you dragged your palm up and down his length. "That feels good."

This earned you a smile. He felt thick and warm in your grip and your eyes instantly took in the sight; of his hard cock pulsing in your hand, of his brow creasing as you continued your movements. You watched as his tongue swiped over his lips again when your other hand reached for your panties, slipping the silk to the side, enough to ease his cock between your folds before adjusting the fabric back in its place.

You both let out a gasp at the feeling of him pressed to your flesh, trapped by the tight fabric holding him in place. You nearly lost your mind just as he did the moment you began to rock your hips once again. Juices dripping from your center made it effortless to slip back and forth over his cock, and with your arousal coating his flesh on the underside, and your silk panties caressing him on the other, he couldn't hold back any longer.

He held you in place as his hips met yours frantically. God, you were such a dream; Spencer couldn't believe this was happening. You were such a fantasy. Every moan escaping your lips seemed to cast a spell that held him captive. It was wrong of him to fully enjoy this, yet he couldn't help but be mesmerized by you.

The way you moved along his throbbing cock was such a sight to see. Or the way your head fell back as you satisfied yourself, your jaw slacking as you looked at him through hooded eyes. Your soft whimpers begin to flood his ears, and it urged him to give you more as he told you how fucking good you felt, how fucking wet you were, and how fucking beautiful you looked, even with your hair sticking onto your face from all the sweat.

Fingers brushed loose strands of hair from your eyes and it took so much of your self-control not to kiss him. Kissing your clients was another one of the policies, and it was something you shouldn't even consider of breaking, so instead you focused on the growing heat that stretched along your core.

Your hips increased their pace, rolling against him to offer the both of you relief, your clit swelling with a need for release as you felt his cock pulsing between your wet folds.

Your thighs began to shake around him, giving him the courage to pump his hips a few times, catching you off guard. Gasping, you arched your back, continuing to move your hips over his, using him to find release as his cock rested between your folds and the fabric of your silk panties. You felt yourself growing hot, needy, aroused, dripping along his length, making the sensation all the more electrifying.

“Fuck,” you whimpered, your entire body trembling. “I-I’m gonna come.” 

“Come,” he muttered, his voice barely a whisper. “Come on my cock, Angel. Let me feel you.” 

His words sent a rush of electricity through your body, out to every tingling limb and curled toe, and there was nothing you could do but lose the last shred of control you were holding onto. Your moans poured from your lips louder than before, but you had a hard time caring as the bliss swelled within you. 

You called out his name, again and again between desperate whimpers and gasps, thighs tightening around him as you rode out your orgasm, not slowing your pace until the wave washed over you.

When you relaxed against him, he took hold of your body, wrapping his arms around you as he began to thrust from below, fucking himself between your soaked folds and silk panties. After a few moments, you grew completely weak, allowing him to take control, allowing him to hold onto you, allowing him to use you to get off until the moment a sharp inhale filled your ears.

Thick ropes of white spilled from the hem of your panties, soaking through the fabric and coating your flesh. His breath stalled for a moment before he released another exhale, head falling back as his hips attempted to keep thrusting, yet he lost all momentum as the pleasure took hold of him.

You sit in comfortable silence for a few moments, surprised by the way his hands brush delicately over your hips, skimming across your lower back in a soothing motion. "What time do you get off tonight?"

You met his gaze. "Late, as usual," you replied, a hint of a smile playing on your lips. "Why do you ask?"

Spencer hesitated for a moment before answering, his hands still tracing soothing patterns on your back. 

"I was thinking... maybe we could continue this later," he admitted, his voice a low murmur. "In a more private setting."

You raised your eyebrows. "Is that part of the investigation, Dr. Reid?"

"It could be," A ghost of a smile touched his lips. "Or maybe I'm far from done with you."

“Oh?” Thoroughly amused, you hummed. "Is that so?"

He nodded and looked at you through half-lidded eyes. "Tell me what time you get off."

It wasn't a question anymore; it was a demand, and a shiver ran down your spine. 

God, you wanted to kiss him. You wanted to taste him, no, you needed to taste him. You had never craved someone as much as you did now. Maybe it was the unmistakable glint in his eye or the way he spoke to you then that had you caving in, or maybe it was the thought of his cock buried deep inside your cunt that your answer slipped off your tongue without much thought. 

It was too easy for you to tell him what time your shift ended when all you wanted was for him to fuck you senselessly.

"I finish at two," you quickly responded. 

Spencer's half-lidded eyes seemed to darken, his features betraying a hunger that mirrored your own desires. "Meet me at the back exit at two, then."

A coy smile played on your lips as you met his intense gaze. Honestly, you would let him fuck you right there and then, but you had to be patient. Time couldn't move faster than you wished. 

[pbam0ney]

"We can't change what's done, we can only move on. There ain't no shame in looking for a better world."

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I should definitely introduce myself! Hello there, fellow reader and/or person who's just passing by.

My name is PBAM0NEY. Preferably PBA for short. I'm just someone who's hella bored so I decided to make a Tumblr account (again)

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Now the rules are very simple!

1. No NSFW asks of any kind! I will reject those asks if you do. However, a little tiny bit of suggestive stuff can fly.

2. No racism, transphobia, anything related to these kinds of things.

3. Don't be harassing anyone for any reason whatsoever.

Now, last but not least!

4. Just have fun! Ask me whatever ya want! Just don't go too far, capiche?

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Onto the OC, we have the retired, sad yet hopeful god named "PB, The Retired God" I'm always gonna be talking and walking around like him. You can call him TRG, PB or Sean. Whichever one works for y'all!

[Yes, I will also run this acc as both the mod and the character!]

He who seeks redemption for everything he has lost wanders the world and other dimensions helping those who want to redeem themselves and move on from their past.

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Sean speaking and speaking (Alt version)

Hatred speaking and H A T R E D speaking (ALT version)

Fuzz the cat speaking!

[Mod PBA speaking: YOOO WHAT'S UP!!]

(Actions) or (Actions)

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Sean's styles of fighting

Old Styles [1st ever moveset]

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Seans final moments...

Talking to his son. [Part 1]

Chaos lords letter [Part 2]

Talking to his brother. [Part 3]

Final moments with Arti. [Part 4]

Sean being respected... [Part 5]

Tug finding Sean's grave. [Part 6]

The radio. [Side-Story]

REVIVAL. [Part 7]

REUNITED [THE END]

The song Sean hears when he's finally deceased:

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Seans corrupted soul

Possessed [THE BEGINNING]

False Identity #1 [Part 1]

False Identity #2 [Part 2]

A body renewed [Part 3]

Reunited [Part 4]

Demolished Hatred [Sooner than Later Ending]

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People Sean knows about and his status on them! [Real time updates]

The mortals!

@askthe-littlepoet - An amazing crow friend.

Status: Sorry for nearly killing you like 3 times now. We gotta do something together at some point, maybe some training for once!

@askdennycotl - Denny the Alpaca!

Status: You're alright las... You deserve way better things than what you got happening to you now. Your situation will be solved so hang in there, pal!

@yarnor-the-timid-raccoon - Little brother, Yarnor.

Status: I'm happy that you know I can come back, little brother. I will do everything in my power to stay alive and be beside you every step of the way...

@marko-the-yellow-cat - Leshys partner

Status: He's a cool guy. I appreciate his help. He's got a lot of power due to being in a relationship with Leshy.

@tug6056 - Tug, my son.

Status: My dear son... I will always believe in you regardless of my little appearances. Be very careful and be better than I can be.

@fluffpuffsofwar - Aster and Willow, my children.

Status: Cottons kids but they were given to me. I'll protect these 2 with my life just like I would protect Arti and Tug...

@bloodthirstyanon - Poets ex

Status: I'm gonna fucking kill you when I find you in that damn place. I called dibs on your life!

@dragon-in-the-old-faith - Ethan's girlfriend.

Status: I may not know her enough but I know she makes my brother happy... I appreciate what she does for him, I've come to respect those who truly love their partners. May their relationship last forever as I give them my blessing.

The crownbearers!

@askacultleader - The lamb....

Status: I genuinely wanna beat the shit out of this damned lamb but I cannot. I'm not willing to hurt them... Not yet.

@tomb-the-god - God of insanity. Tomb and his Brother...

Status on tomb: I don't expect you to forgive me for I could not, would not, forgive myself for what had happened...

Status on his brother: Am I really his brother? I don't know who I am at this point...

@kali-lamb - A person to me.

Status: You have no right to have that damned crown... You are not to be considered family either. May you seek redemption by yourself!

The gods...

@ask-theredcrown - God of Death.

Status: My lord. I worship the god of death despite being a god myself.... It's crazy but it happens I suppose.

@ask-thegreencrown - God of Chaos.

Status: A simple guy for a world full of chaos itself. I can't deny that he's chill and that he's pretty awesome!

@he-ofhavoc - Another God of Chaos.

Status: This Leshy has given me a card to call him while in a battle and I helped him train with the sword I've given him. I'd consider him as my best friend for sure...

@the-sleepydragon - Imora, She of sleep.

Status: I am happy that you see me as a son, mother... I am honored to be part of this family and I will do everything to fight for you all.

@ask-darkwood-hunter - My lover, Arti the darkwood hunter.

Status: I love my sweet little Arti... I'd do anything to protect them even if it meant sacrificing myself or any of my own powers to do so!

@spellcaster-dude - My best pal, Spellcaster!

Status: I can respect somebody like you man. We've done a lot together... Universal or not. Our bond is special and I'll protect you with all of my power.

Other entities!

@scannys-back - Ethan/Scanny, my brother.

Status: He's the best brother I could've asked for... I had to give him a ring engraved with his name on it and now a house!

Status on Tally: Guess I got myself a dad and a mother now! What a good combo, wonder if Narinder accepts me as their son now... This is an amazing family.

@flashbang-guy - The flashbang guy, Chaos lord and HIM.

Status: I'm alright with them existing here. I was annoyed at first but I guess I can get around them... However for HIM? I don't know what I'll do to them if I get my hands on him.

@the-justified-anon - Anon of Justice, Ens.

Status: Well, I got nothing to say except for hoping that I can be one of Justice one day and that you're cool as hell! Hope we can get to talk when you're not doing your job!

@kenis-goobers - Umbra, the man in the shadows.

Status: I met this guy once and I already think they're pretty nice. He wasn't hostile to me so I wasn't hostile to them. He could be a good friend.

@sally-the-turret - My daughter.

Status: I may not know you as much but I know you're young... You're safe here and I'll protect you from GLaDOS and the others. You are now a daughter of guidance...

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[The art of my OC was made by my nephew: @slimsurvivalmax. They're on Tumblr too so go support them!!! :3]

[catindabag]

TBOSAS on Crack short take (72)

*Planning a fake funeral is hard!* Read [this] first.

Coryo: Hey, Class Press.

Felix: Yes, Snowy?

Coryo: Poor Aeneas just called me earlier and said that his little sister is getting discharged from the hospital today.

Felix: Who’s Aeneas again?

Coryo: The Banshee’s surprisingly nicer and smarter older brother.

Felix: The same guy who was forced to sleep inside a tiny doghouse by his parents for being born good?

Coryo: Yup. That Aeneas.

Felix: Oh, I remember now. Poor guy. He deserves better.

Coryo: Yeah. Poor guy. So are we going to celebrate Arachne Crane’s recovery or what?

Hilarius: Are we?

Festus: I’m not. She gave me a proper black eye for saving her screeching spidery ass.

Palmyra: She’s not dead?

Clemensia: Palm Palm, that’s mean. Arachne was almost choked to death by her crazy Tribute.

Coryo: To be fair, crazy Brandy was hungry. She wanted to steal and eat the spider’s ✨Heaven Bread✨.

Domitia: Hungry? But Tanner told me that Brandy stole his bread rolls, cheese tarts, and 2 cans of beer before the spider came and made her a sh*tty sandwich.

Coryo: She’s like Percy’s little gremlin. She won’t stop eating no matter what.

Persephone: True. Mizzen has a Tartarus like stomach.

Festus: And the raging appetite of a thousand grown men.

Persephone: He can even eat Domitia’s whole family farm.

Domitia: Even my sweet daddy’s baby duck sanctuary?

Persephone: Especially the baby duck sanctuary.

Palmyra: So Craney really survived Brandy Sharp Candy?

Diana: Fortunately.

Festus: Tragically.

Diana: Creed!

Festus: She punched me in the face.

Coryo: 4 times.

Festus: It still hurts.😞

Coryo: And now she’s wearing an ugly neck brace because of it.

Felix: Wow. Who would’ve thought that my weird prediction came true.

Gaius: Cool.

Diana: Does that mean that you’re now a seer, Class Pres?

Felix: I wish.

Apollo: In a scale of Dr.Gaul’s ugly mutts to Clemensia’s pretty Mr. Paris Patty, how ugly is Arachne Crane’s neck brace?

Sejanus: Pit bull rabbit mutt ugly.

Apollo: Really?

Sejanus: Truly.

Diana: I can’t wait to see it.☺️

Palmyra: But are you 100 percent sure that our local Banshee is still the same Banshee?

Sejanus: What do you mean?

Palmyra: What if she’s now a cat trap in a box and we don’t know what’s happening inside?

Coryo: She’s not Schrödinger's cat!

Palmyra: Who’s Schrödinger?

Domitia: Monty, please.

Palmyra: But she hasn’t replied to my emails for 2 straight days now.

Domitia: So?

Palmyra: That means she’s dead in my books.

Domitia: Do you want to know the real reason why the spider doesn’t reply to your weird emails?

Palmyra: Yes! I love honesty.😊

Domitia: She doesn’t like you.

Palmyra: Ok! So what’s the truth?

Domitia: She doesn’t like you!

Palmyra: That’s a lie. Everybody likes me. Even Dr. Gaul and her rainbow snakey snakeys like me.

Domitia: You need help.

Palmyra: I like kelp too!

Domitia: I hate you.

Palmyra: I date me too.😊

Domitia: You’re hopeless.

Palmyra: Thank you! You’re a nice friend, Tia.

Domitia: We’re not friends.

Palmyra: Best friends!🥰

Hilarius: Lol. I’m recording this.

Florus: But just to be sure, does anyone have legitimate proof that the spider is still the spider?

Sejanus: *raises hand*

Florus: Really? You of all people?

Sejanus: Yup! The other day, me, Coryo, Lizzie, and Creed had a secret slumber party inside her hospital room without her knowing.

Festus: We stole her ice cream.

Coryo: I ate her mother’s homemade apple pie. It was a little bit dry and flaky, but I still gave it a 7 out of 10 for trying.

Lysistrata: I stole her morphling bottles and sold them to Dennis.

Festus: I drew a mustache on her face while she was sleeping.

Sejanus: And I took some photos and short videos for Felix.

Florus: Photos? Photos of Crane sleeping?

Sejanus: No. They were photos and videos of Crane swearing and screeching at Lizzie and Festus.

Florus: Can you share them with me?

Felix: Flory, I posted them in our secret group chat, remember?

Florus: You made a secret group chat without me?!

Felix: Sh*t. I think Urban and Io forgot to add you.

Apollo: Don’t worry, Flory. I’ll add you.☺️

Florus: Thanks.😞

Pup: Actually, we’ve already added you in our group chat before.

Florus: Then why am I not in chat anymore?

Pup: I think Ban Ban and Andie accidentally kicked you out.

Florus: Why? What did I do?

Pup: They thought you were secretly Dean Highbottom in disguise.

Florus: Is it because of my profile picture?

Pup: Definitely.

Florus: My profile picture is cute and perfectly fine!

Pup: Your profile picture’s a fat goldfish drinking booze.

Florus: It’s simple and symbolic.

Pup: Change it.

Lysistrata: Yo, can we share the photos with Lucky Flickerman?

Florus: That magical clown was added in the group chat before me?!

Lysistrata: Yes, but anyway-

Florus: Anyway?! Felix, explain yourself!

Felix: Don’t look at me. I didn’t add no magical clown in chat.

Lysistrata: I did.

Clemensia: Of course you did, Lizzie. Of course you did.🙄

Lysistrata: He said that he’ll give us 20 bucks, 2 crates of candy corn, a free bird show, and a bucket of chicken wings.

Clemensia: No. Just no. We are not sharing Crane’s ugly pictures with that clown and Capitol News.

Lysistrata: He’s a magician.

Clemensia: That’s not the point!

Lysistrata: He can talk to birds!

Coryo: I’m allergic to weird birds.

Festus: Same.

Apollo: Aren’t we all here to talk about Crane’s miraculous recovery and celebration?

Dennis: Hear me out-

Clemensia: No.

Dennis: Just this once. I swear that you might even like it.

Felix: Fire away, Denny.

Dennis: How about we arrange a fake funeral as a “welcome back” party for Crane instead? What do you guys think?

Coryo: A fake what?

Dennis: A fake funeral!

Festus: That sounds fun.

Dennis: An exclusive fake funeral for our local screeching Banshee and her dead sh*tty sandwich!😀

Clemensia: Dennis, that’s madness-

Sejanus: Denny, that’s brilliant! You’re a genius! A genius!

Coryo: I’m with Seji Pie.

Palmyra: Me too!

Hilarius: Let’s do it!

Felix: But just for formalities-

Clemensia: Or Panem’s sake.

Felix: Raise your good hand if you want to arrange a fake funeral for Arachne Banshee Crane tomorrow.

Everyone: *immediately raises their hand except for Clemensia*

Apollo: Yey! Fake funeral!

Clemensia: You guys disappoint me.

Diana: Are we going to sing ✨Gem of Panem✨?

Felix: Of course! It’s part of the ceremony.

Diana: Can we sing ✨Somewhere Over The Rainbow✨ after?

Felix: Sure! You and Coryo can sing the rainbow song together.

Coryo: But can Sejanus and I sing ✨My Heart Will Go On✨ after my duet with Ring?

Sejanus: Please, Class Pres! Let me sing with my Coryo! I’ll pay you 10 bucks and 4 crates of posca.

Felix: Fine. You can sing whatever love song you feel like singing.

Everyone: Yey!

Festus: But can I bring a big ass silver crane to serve as the main centerpiece for tomorrow’s funeral?

Felix: Are you talking about the weird looking long-legged bird or the one used for construction?

Festus: A big ass metal crane that my mother uses for construction.

Felix: A literal crane?! You want to bring a literal crane to poor Arachne’s funeral?!

Festus: It’s a fake funeral. Anything goes.

Felix: Why, Creed? Just why?!

Festus: Coryo and Seji Pie can even swing on the crane while performing ✨My Heart Will Go On✨.

Diana: Can I swing too?

Festus: As long as you wear my dad’s old neon pink harness.

Coryo: Wait. Are we going to jump down the crane after we sing?

Sejanus: That’s a good idea.

Festus: Don’t worry, Snowy. I’ll make sure that there’s a working ambulance nearby.

Coryo: Working? What do you mean by working?!

Festus: May the odds be ever in your favor, Bestie.☺️

Coryo: Thanks.

Sejanus: Just to be safe, I’ll bring 10 parachutes.

Festus: *turns to Felix* So Class Pres, what do you say? Metal crane or no metal crane?

Felix: Fine. You can bring your mother’s old metal crane.

Festus: Yey!

Felix: But just one.

Festus: No promises.

Apollo: Can we bring fireworks? I love fireworks.

Felix: One box each.

Apollo: You’re the best, Class Pres!

Dennis: Yo, I have another idea. What if-

Clemensia: Dennis, shut up.

Dennis: Hear me out, hear me out-

Clemensia: Suck a di-

Hilarius: Let the man cook!

Clemensia: He can’t cook.

Hilarius: Let the businessman cook!

Palmyra: I wanna cook!😀

Everyone: No.

Dennis: What if we use Creed’s crane to lift up Arachne’s empty casket while Diana, Sejanus, and Coryo are standing on it. What do you think?

Coryo: Standing where exactly?

Dennis: On the casket.

Coryo: While being lifted up?

Dennis: Yes.

Diana: Does that mean that we’re going to perform with the birds?!

Coryo: Not the birds!

Sejanus: I’m excited!

Gaius: That’s brilliant! Capitol News will love it!

Hilarius: I can’t wait to record that.

Dennis: And what if-

Clemensia: You’re an idiot.

Dennis: What if the rest of us are riding 12 pink chariots covered with white and yellow roses while Coryo and Sejanus are singing their love song above us! What do you guys think?😀

Felix: Why chariots? Why not cars?

Dennis: Because we’re Roman Empire fanatics, Class Pres.

Felix: True. We do love the Roman Empire and Greek Mythology.

Apollo: Do you know that I was named after the sun god?😊

Festus: Obviously.

Dennis: Fun fact! My first name is actually Dionysus.

Domitia: We’re still going to call you “Dennis” after this, ya know.

Dennis: I know.😔

Felix: But where exactly are we going to get 12 pink chariots before tomorrow’s event?

Dennis: Mama Cardew.

Felix: Right. I’ll call Livia’s mom later.

Apollo: How about the roses?

Felix: Coryo?

Coryo: Sure. I’ll ransack my grandmother’s garden again.

Dennis: Good! That settles it.

Felix: But where are we going to hold Crane’s fake funeral anyway?

Dennis: In front of the Presidential Palace.

Felix: We can’t! My granduncle might die from embarrassment.

Dennis: The President of Panem will love it! He might even give a funny speech tomorrow!

Felix: You’re killing me.

Dennis: Don’t be like that, Class Press. Your crazy Gran Gran loves attending weird funerals.

Felix: Dennis, please.

Dennis: I’ll give you a banned Lana Del Rey album next week.

Felix: For free?

Dennis: 2 Lana Del Rey albums.

Felix: Fine! I’ll call my crazy Gran Gran right now. *calls President Ravinstill*

Pres.Ravinstill: Hello? Is this the royal dog walker? My puppies are sleeping right now-

Felix: Gran Gran, this is Felix.

Pres.Ravinstill: Ah! My favorite son!

Felix: I’m not your son. I’m your grandnephew, remember?

Pres.Ravinstill: What do you want from your dear old Gran Gran, my sweet son and heir? Do you want another golden chair? I can give you another golden chair-

Felix: Can we arrange a fake funeral in front of the Presidential Palace tomorrow?

Pres.Ravinstill: Am I invited?

Felix: You’ll be speaking on stage.

Pres.Ravinstill: I approve!

Felix: Thank you, Gran Gran. You’re the best.

Pres.Ravinstill: I’m the best!

Felix: I’ll hang up now-

Pres.Ravinstill: But can your poor old man wear an extra large burrito blanket and a pink balaclava for tomorrow’s event?

Felix: Wear whatever you want. You’re the President, remember?

Pres.Ravinstill: Yes! I’m the President!

Felix: Goodbye, Mr. President.

Pres.Ravinstill: See you late, son.

Felix: *Hangs up the phone* Gran Gran approves!

Everyone: Yey!

Palmyra: Weewoo!

Festus: I love you guys!

Sejanus: So who’s telling Crane?

Coryo: It’s a surprise.

Sejanus: Nice! I love surprises.☺️

Clemensia: I’m homeschooling my children.

[delurkr]

I'm sick! Whoopee 🙃 So while I'm holed up in bed trying and failing to sleep, let's have some Clarkes When They Are Sick but Not Majorly Sick headcanons:

Anne - Scrubs her hands, swallows her iodine or castor oil or whatever people pumped themselves with back in the day, and powers on. Usually nobody even knows she was sick until she (bitterly) mentions it two weeks later (they could have picked up on the signs if they had been paying attention).

James - Sick? Him? Pshh, no, please. It's allergies. Then after infecting everyone he comes in contact with he inevitably crashes and expects the world to revolve around him until he's better.

Tanya - So huffy and impatient, seriously she cannot with you when she's sick, but also she can't stand to miss anything just because of a cold so she takes over the couch in the middle of the house for the duration, and she has been known to drag herself to events and isolate in a corner while wrapped in a quilt clutching a hot drink with an expression on her face like grumpy cat because she's not actually having any fun.

Dennis - Drama queen fr. He may slightly exaggerate his symptoms for your pity. Sometimes. On occasion. Fortunately he becomes a docile little lamb when he's sick, and he'll eventually sleep like a dead man for 32 hours straight and be just fine when he wakes up.

Anthony - He's, you know, fine. Really. No, he's not lying.... (Force him to go to bed and feed him hot soup. He reeaallly wants you to.) Also he always gets sick around the holidays, literally always.

Megan - Nobody knows what she's like when she's sick because she hasn't been in years. She used to get sick a lot when she was little, but she just doesn't anymore. (I'd be jealous rn but she deserves nice things).

[stewpid-soup]

okay, i just watched The Substance, a psychological horror/thriller + body horror film I HIGHLY recommend - so many spoilers!!

for anyone who doesn’t want spoilers, have a good rest of ur day and take care of yourselves <33

take a pic of my cat Luna for your troubles :3

OKAY SO THIS FUCKING FILM- I COULD LITERALLY GO ON ABT THIS FOR HOURS

THE WAY IT WAS SUCH A MASTERPIECE IN WAYS I CANT EVEN DESCRIBE IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE!!!

Like, it’s rare I watch a movie and think “yeah, i have absolutely zero complaints and i would watch this over and over until it’s seared into my brain” — BUT THIS HIT EVERY MARK!!

THE GORE & BODY HORROR - INFINITY/10 BECAUSE OH MY GOD???? ME AND MY MOM WERE JUST OVERJOYED ABT THE GORE AND MY DAD JUST COULDNT HANDLE IT- HE WAS PHYSICALLY CRINGING BC OF IT - IS IT THE MOST REALISTIC SHIT? OBVIOUSLY NOT (i would be more concerned if they perfected gore to look realistic ngl), BUT THE SHEER AMOUNT OF IT AND THE SOUNDS AND THE WAY YOU SEE IT AND THINK “oh god, that would fucking hurt” THE SHIT THAT MAKES YOU CRINGE AND SHIVER AT THE THOUGHT OF!

THE CINEMATOGRAPHY - 10/10 - THE CUTSCENES, THE LIGHTING, THE WAY IT REALLY SHOVES THINGS RIGHT IN YOUR FACE AND SAYS “Look at this! Look at the horrifying things this woman is doing to feel like she is enough! See in 4K how she destroys her own body to keep the only thing she knows gives her worth, the only thing that makes people find her worth talking to— her body!” My mother suffers from chronic migraines so yes, the amount of flashing lights in it can be a bit jarring (so warning for anyone who is prone to seizures or is light sensitive). But to me it doesn’t feel like it’s too overdone, like many horror films tend to do with flashing lights— it makes sense why those sequences are there, it makes sense why they choose the lighting, to me: it makes sense and seems to align with the story

THE ACTING - DEMI MOORE (Actress who plays Elizabeth Sparkle) FUCKING POPPED OFF WITH THIS?!!??? AND MARGARET QUALLEY (Actress who plays Sue)!!! GOD, THE WAY I COULD FEEL THE RAGE WHEN SUE WAS CHASING ELIZABETH AROUND THE HOUSE! THE WAY ALL REASON WAS THROWN OUT THE WINDOW AND ALL SHE WANTED WAS TO TEAR HER OLD SELF APART BECAUSE IT’S EVERYTHING SHE LOATHES! THE WAY IT’S INGRAINED IN HER THAT SHE IS ONLY DESERVING OF BEING ALIVE BECAUSE SHE’S BEAUTIFUL! AND ELIZABETH— GOD, THE WAY I MY HEART WRENCHED WHEN SHE LOOKED IN THE MIRROR WHEN PREPPING FOR HER DATE WITH FRED! THE GOING BACK AND FORTH, THE ANGER AND FRUSTRATION AND SENSE OF DOOM BECAUSE SHE ISN’T THE “BETTER VERSION OF HERSELF”!! THE WAY SHE LOOKS AT THE BILLBOARD OUTSIDE HER WINDOW, THE WAY SHE MOCKED SUE’S INTERVIEW, THE SHAME SHE FELT FOR HER BODY BEFORE SHE USED THE SUBSTANCE— AND EVEN BY THE END OF THE FILM, IT NEVER WENT AWAY! IT WASN’T FIXED, SHE STILL HATED HERSELF. BUT SHE REALIZED TOO LATE THAT SHE RUINED NOT JUST HER BODY BUT HER QUALITY OF LIFE BY THE END! THAT SHE WAS LETTING THE NEED TO FIT THESE IMPOSSIBLE STANDARDS CONTROL HER LIFE! OH MY GOD AND DENNIS QUAID (Harvey’s actor - the guy who fired Elizabeth and hired Sue)?!? LITERALLY JUST PLAYS THE “PIECE OF SHIT” PERSONA SO PERFECTLY!! THE WAY HIS CHARACTER IS SO DISGUSTING- AND NOT JUST BEHAVIOR WISE! THE FACT HE DOESNT WASH HIS HANDS AFTER THE BATHROOM OR THE FACT HE EATS AS LOUDLY AND MESSILY AS POSSIBLE WHILE FIRING SOMEONE, THE NONSTOP SMOKING — BUT ALSO HIS MISOGYNISTIC JABS, THE WAY HE ONLY WANTED TO HIRE A NEW, YOUNGER WOMAN BECAUSE HE BELIEVES THAT ELIZABETH LOST HER “SEX APPEAL” AND ISN’T SOMETHING THAT FITS THE MALE GAZE!! HIS LAUGH IRKS ME IN A WAY I CAN’T DESCRIBE! IT WAS FANTASTIC!!

THE PLOT OVERALL & THE MORAL(S) OF THE STORY - INFINITY/10 — LORD I AM TOO TIRED TO TYPE ALL OF THIS BUT FUCK MAN, IT REALLY REALLY HIT ME. Especially after the elections, knowing that our fucking president looks at women and says “your body, my choice”, this really hit hard for me. The way that the body horror truly encapsulates just how horrific the reality is for women who are popular in the media- the things they feel like they have to do to survive in such a toxic and disgusting environment! Women have been told that all their worth is dependent on their bodies, their beauty- but The Substance truly shows just how much that shit can affect us, shows how much it can hurt your mental health- which will, in turn, affect your physical health!

god, this movie truly was a masterpiece and i highly recommend it to anyone who likes psychological thrillers/horrors & can handle watching body horror! i’m fucking exhausted, and i’ve had such a shitty week- and while this doesn’t exactly give me any hope for our future, it does show that we aren’t alone in our struggles. even the people we admire, whether it’s an actor or a content creator in general, struggle with accepting their flaws and not letting society determine their worth based on such shallow and superficial things.

maybe my ramble is a bit silly and a bit all over the place, so i’m sorry for that, again i’m fucking exhausted— but i had to post abt this

AND I NEED TO POST ABT THE GAME MOUTHWASHING SOON BC THE HYPERFIXATIONS ARE SO REAL!!

But anyways, if anyone read this far, thank you and have a wonderful rest of your day <3

[dollarbin]

Dollar Bin #2:

Jerry Jeff Walker's Viva Terlingua!

There are certain truths we hold as self evident. Anyone who ever takes their valuable time to read the nonsense in this blog knows that Blood on the Tracks and Damn the Torpedoes belong in every middle aged white guy's record collection. Similarly, they know that Eric Clapton, post Cream, is not worth listening to and that you are better off never having seen Van Morrison live in my lifetime, and I'm older than you. It's easy to know the truth. Neil Young has no faults, unless you wind up marrying him. Beer is good for me.

This second installment of the Record Bin makes the case for a lesser known truth: Jerry Jeff Walker deserves intentional, honored space in your very own dollar bin. Indeed, he deserves to take up significant quality time in your life! We'll use his best known record, Viva Terlingua!, as our basis of proof.

But first, if you don't already have its perfectly shambolic opening notes running in your head, give a listen:

Walker tells us exactly what we need to know in that opening riff and his "Ahhhh..... Buckeroos": we are mid-story already; he's just back from a smoke break in the pig pen and he's picking up where he left off, sliding some seemingly insignificant musings at us and his anxious producer Mike, musings which actually contain the meaning of life, at least according to Jerry Jeff.

This whole record sounds like a legendary party we are forever sad to have missed. Come to the end of the record and you'll wish the party would keep going - and then it does keep going, with the band diving back into yet another chorus of London Homesick Blues. Are these people still drunk?

I don't know about you but other music which strives to conjure up a live drunken hoedown - I'm thinking of Rainy Day Woman and the frat boy early take of Madame George - always sound a little sinister. Getting stoned, as in rocks being thrown at you, doesn't sound fun no matter how much those Nashville Cats scream, nor does getting raided by transphobic cops. But I'm forever fired up about the party inside Viva Terlingua. Burritos! Tacos! Everclear!

Not even The Basement Tapes sound like this much fun to me. Sure, I'd love find myself in Big Pink, making shit up with Bob during I'm Your Teenage Prayer. But while we were at it, I'd have to keep an anxious eye on Richard Manuel, knowing the doom that lies in his/our future. No so with Viva Terlingua: transport me back to Luckenbach, Texas in August 1973 and I'd get drunker than I did on car bombs at my famous brother's (https://doomandgloomfromthetomb.tumblr.com/) wedding. I'd remember every glorious moment of that night with Jerry Jeff for the rest of my life.

But let's talk about Jerry Jeff's singing. Van Morrison is my favorite screamer and Sandy Denny is the best singer in the history of white people, but who else can turn their own voice-crack into joyful art? Catch Jerry at the end of Sangria Wine: Woah-OH!-oh-oh-oh, he LOVES sangria wine. Jerry shows us just how high you can get on the stuff, his voice staggering with joy. It's not beautiful; it's awesome.

The voice-crack, I declare, is a vital ingredient to a lot of the best manrock from the 70's. It's a big part of Kristofferson's whole wonderful shtick, and I'd argue that one of the big reasons why we all love hanging out in the Ditch with Neil is because he falls apart vocally while telling us he's a vampire or while describing the sun climbing his hood ornament. Sure, Richard Thompson has shown us since the 80's that he is well poised to voice a cartoon British lion in a musical remake of Robin Hood, but I prefer him when he's searching for notes he'll never find on his first record. Apparently his song Mary and Joseph from that outing is too bizarre and off tune to even merit existence on youtube, otherwise it would appear below this sentence. But trust me, it features some Jerry Jeff level voice-cracks.

While we are at it, the voice-crack seems to be missing from modern music: a problem! Jeff Tweedy reaches for one on occasion, I suppose, and Adele has taken over for Sarah McGlachlan, turning them into graceful beauty. But who's out there Bob Pollarding themselves from amateurism to epic in one wild ride of a syllable?

Don't be fooled, however: Viva Terlingua is far more than just a jubilant rager. The songwriting and arrangements are discreetly brilliant: everyone sounds drunk, and maybe they really are, but they worked their asses off to get things straight beforehand.

Let's start with the second track, Desperadoes Waiting For A Train. Walker had already introduced the world to the relatively unknown Guy Clark with his cover of LA Freeway a few years before but Clark's Desperadoes is on a whole other level. It's the kind of song that leaves you wondering what else a songwriter could possibly have left to say afterwards about their own biography. Write a song like Desperadoes and there can't be much more in the tank. Name another song that is convincingly about the love between a boy and his grandma's drunk boyfriend. Can't be done. Find me another song that's half as sad and sweetly funny at the same time, or that's so straight-forward and concise in its story telling, yet cryptically elusive in its chorus. How are this kid called Sidekick and the weeping old man who is teaching him how to drive like Desperadoes Waiting For a Train? I don't know, but they are, and it's awesome.

The whole thing is a master class in song lyrics as far as I'm concerned, standing alongside Paul Simon's Hearts and Bones and Kristofferson's Sunday Morning Coming Down as songs that tell you exactly what you need to know about a relationship or person through surprising, crystalline imagery. They are perfect short stories.

And Walker owns the track, mournfully and righteously working through each stage of the boy's unique relationship with that driller of oil wells, that old school man of the world. Walker can flat out sing, and the slower the beat, the deeper and more aching he becomes.

Somehow, even though he was capable of writing a transcendent song like Mr Bojangles, Walker is often at his best when singing other people's songs. He doesn't cover them, he recreates them, a la our beloved late Sinead O'Connor. Check out Walker's version of One Too Many Mornings from Viva Terlingua's sequel of sorts, A Man Must Carry On. Jerry Jeff writes his own damn verse!

Finally, how about his amazing band. Take one of the album's lesser tracks, Get it Out. Leading into the bridge an organ surges, then backs off; no player on this record claims their own space for more than a perfect moment. Instead, they pass around leadership with as much care as a shared bottle of the good stuff among thoughtful friends. Later in the bridge all the players rest together and let Jerry ad his choir of drunken angels dive into some CSNish do do do dos. Together they make the blog's favorite villain, Stephen Stills, and his dopey band mates sound like they'll never even get the chance to love the one their with because everyone out there would rather get it on with Jerry and his crew.

Anyway, go and get your own copy of this record. I've bought not one, but three copies of Viva Terlingua in my life: the first for $12, which skips, the second for $5, which skips, and a final one, with full exasperation, for $1, which.... doesn't skip! Why, oh why, do I ever look outside the dollar bin?

[bihansthot]

Thank you to those who commented on my post about my relationship troubles. I don’t know if it’s to blame but I’m extremely emotional tonight, I saw a video on TikTok of a golden retriever having a seizure and it made me sob. I think it was a combination of things, mostly gratitude that Denny is such a healthy boy but it made me think of my growing up golden Scooter who was epileptic and had seizures. I never got to properly say goodbye to Scooter, Mom just told me one afternoon when I got home from school and he wasn’t there to greet me. It also featured the dog’s brother and cat sister and both of them wouldn’t leave the dog’s side and it just makes me tear up again thinking of how we just don’t deserve animals. I then of course spiraled and started thinking of Jäger and now have been crying on and off for the better part of two hours. I’m so terrified I will lose Denny the same way I lost Jäger and I just can’t deal with that again, I can’t. It’s been a rough weekend, hopefully the week will be better or I might need to talk to my doctor about upping my antidepressants.

[translesbianvampire]

gay bitch fangirls over always sunny

i've just realized that tumblr is the perfect place for a queer bitch to nerd out about her favorite show. i finished it a month ago and...oof, i love this thing. i find it weirdly beautiful in a way. i enjoy seeing the most dysfunctional people put to air's misadventures, and i am definitely one of the disturbed people this show comforts lmao.

despite functionally/nominally about being horrible people doing horrible things, the gang somehow never quite lose every scrap of humanity they have; i guess by virtue of being white trash instead of upper-class. there are times when the gang are appalled at the atrocities someone ELSE comments, and sometimes when even they feel maybe they're going too far. (they usually don't things like "no" stop em tho...)

i also love the way it weaponizes every facet of being a sitcom, and uses them to comment on what happens within the show: +you can just pop in at any time during the show's run and not be too lost, not extremely reliant on past events & arcs

-the gang experiencing extremely traumatic events is not an "arc" or something that is ever dealt with/brought up again, considering their ol' reliable is drinking it down & not talking about it

-as sitcoms go on, they typically become sadder, as it just gets depressing that this group of people literally has nothing else to do with their lives.

+depressing is the point.

-as sitcoms go on, characters typically undergo "flanderization", where previously minor aspects of their character become their entire personality within the show. typically is extremely annoying

+the gang functions as a vicious echo chamber that they are trapped within, as no one in the outside world can stand being with them. also, they are CHRONIC abusers of alcohol & a million other substances like glue. it makes sense that charlie only becomes more illiterate, considering his habits (which include eating cat food & huffing glue) never really change

-to keep sitcoms running, the characters remain perfectly static throughout, and it is only really the situations & people around them that change

+the core of what makes the characters who they are doesn't change much over 15 seasons, but they DO grow with the times; just very, VERY slowly. i think they've handled this adeptly; in season 10, they eased off dennis' creep-oness in the second episode by having him be on the RECEIVING end of his weird rating system, in one of the most hilarious & quotable moments of a show that is already hilarious & quotable throughout. I'M A FIVE STAR MAN!!!!

there's prolly even more i can't think of. but it is such BRUTAL satire of...basically anything i CAN think of. it's this satire that gives depth to, what on the surface, might appear as a banal show that only exists to be offensive. the writers actually do NOT write to offend anybody (except maybe rly stuffy stuck-up ppl lmao)! it started as basically just wanting to write a sitcom that's "real", about a group of friends that are NEVER there for each other (tho they ARE there for each other, sometimes!). and this ended up being the perfect vehicle to satirize a LOT of facets about american life.

i also LOVE the way sunny handles queerness! it is not something that inherently makes you a better NOR a worse person, but it's also smth that always deserves respect, no matter who the queer person is. this is where its sitcom format works beautifully yet again; after mac's genuinely moving coming out moment as the s13 finale, s14 starts off...the way any other season starts off, and i LOVE that.

(sidenote: i don't think mac's brief coming out then re-entering the closet in s11 is an issue! that's real life. a friend of mine realized she was prolly trans, then decided she wasn't, and recently re-realized that she is lol. THAT'S LIFE!!!! tho, it would've been an issue if mac NEVER came out i think, but they had him come out in s12, and come out beautifully to his dad in s13)

i think always sunny succeeds at having...let's say, "very morally complicated" characters, while not accidentally glorifying them as much as the sopranos or breaking bad (tho i still love those shows hehe), while still having them be human. i think it is a beautifully human show. the show does not lie in the SLIGHTEST about who these people are, yet i am still excited to see another season with this gang i somehow do still root for. it shows us EVERYTHING about who these people are with less shame than we think about ourselves. we share in their every high, every low [of which there are many], and everything in between. and that's what bein' human is all about.

[magicalyaku]

Oops, hello reading months where I hardly read anything! I also didn't take notes and was overworked so my memory for details is pretty bad. But we'll make the best of it, right?

The Will to Change (bell hooks): I might have overdosed on Reads with Rachel, so when my library featured another bell hooks book, I remembered this one and put it on hold (13 weeks or something waiting time). It was an interesting read. Pretty easy to understand for a nonfiction book and I liked how many of my own vague thoughts were finally echoed from a person who actually knows the right words. Sometimes it lays on a little too thickly (I can't put in words exactly what it was though), but overall I think one can only gain from reading this! (The sad part is, that this was published in 2004. How much has changed since then? … Yeah.)

One Night in Hartswood (Emma Denny): Didn't think I would read two gay novels set in the 1300s on the British islands in one year. :'D This wasn't as intense as The Scottish Boy, luckily, because my poor heart (which doesn't make the stakes not high). Unfortunately this also means I hardly remember anything ... I do have glimpses of the story in my mind. The rest probably got consumed by a certain game that demanded all of my spare attention. :/ Sorry. It was a perfectly find book, I dare say, and it certainly deserves better than what I'm doing here. So just go read it yourself!

The Adventures of Pinocchio (Carlo Collodi): I was playing Lies of P, okay? Lots and lots. Despite me being an absolute failure at Soulslikes. Anyway, I did know the usual stuff about Pinocchio, like his nose grows when he's lying etc, but other than that? Nothing. Never read the book before, never watched any movie or series. So time to catch up! Isn't it great when modern media can make children pick up books? uAu And such a wild book omg. I rarely read children's books, even less old ones so maybe it's a thing with those, but damn, the author just wrote whatever he felt like. The fairy's dead, then she isn't, she's an old woman, then she isn't (or the other way around). Oh no, dad got eaten, I wanna save him but then I forget about it for three years! And donkeys!? And Pinocchio is such a shitty brat! Terrible! xD It's such a weird little book, but it's still fun and I really liked the translation! (by Carol della Chiesa in the edition my library has.)

Prince & Pawn (Perilous Courts 3) (Tavia Lark): Smooth and solid just like its prequels. The first volume is still my favourite but this comes second now. Do I remember anything else than that this dabbled in pain play and made sure to put a lot of effort into consent? There were also more talking cats (they multiplied!). The world- and storybuilding is still good. Things started in the previous volumes found their satisfying conclusions. Isn't that enough? I'm a little sad that the next installments of the series will move to another court, with dragons of all things. Dragons. Give me cats instead of dragons!!

[blognurhayati2]

Discussing Denny Ja 64 selected works: Beauty and uniqueness of Angora cats

In the world of art, there are many selected works that attract the attention of the public. One of the chosen works that deserves to be discussed is "the beauty and uniqueness of the Angora Cat" by Denny JA 64. This work not only displays the visual beauty of the Anggora cat, but also provides insight into the uniqueness and attractive nature of their. Angora cat is one of the most popular cat races in the world. They are famous for their soft and long hair, and thick tails. Denny JA 64 is able to capture the beauty and details of Angora cats through paintings and photography. His works featured Angora cats in various charming poses and expressions. One of the attractions of Denny JA 64's works is the use of excellent techniques. Details of Anggora cat's hair that are complicated and soft look alive in the paintings and photos. Each hair hair looks clearly separate, giving a real texture. This shows the expertise of Denny Ja 64 in describing the beauty and uniqueness of the Angora cat. In addition to visual beauty, Denny Ja 64's works also highlighted the unique characteristics of Angora cats. Anggora cats are known to have calm, soft, and intelligent properties. In his work, Denny Ja 64 managed to capture the essence of these properties. He was able to display the expression of Angora cat full of peace and intelligence through his beautiful paintings. In his selected work, Denny Ja 64 also features a variation of the color and pattern of Angora cat's fur. Anggora cats can have white, black, brown, gray feathers, and various other mixed colors. Denny Ja 64's works show the beauty and variation of the color of this Angora cat's fur with extraordinary details. The use of bright and contrasting colors gives an attractive visual impression. When we see Denny Ja 64's works, we can feel the presence of Anggora cats with high intensity. These works invite us to admire the beauty and uniqueness of Angora cats, as well as to better understand their characteristics and nature. In all, Denny Ja 64's works about Angora cats provide extraordinary and deep visual experiences. In the world of art, chosen works such as "the beauty and uniqueness of the Angora cat" by Denny Ja 64 have important value. They not only present visual beauty, but also provide insight into the uniqueness and nature of the object described. These works invite us to appreciate the beauty and understand the uniqueness of the Anggora cat as an attractive and charming animal. In the conclusion, Denny Ja 64's chosen work which discusses the beauty and uniqueness of the Anggora cat is an interesting and valuable work of art. Denny Ja 64 is able to capture the visual beauty and unique characteristics of Angora cats through amazing paintings and photography. These works invite us to better appreciate the beauty and understand the uniqueness of the Anggora cat as an interesting object in the world of art. 

Check in full: Discussing Denny JA 64 selected works: Beauty and uniqueness of Angora Cats

[ptbf2002]

Animated Atrocities - Trespassers Will Be Persecuted

Show - Kid vs. Kat

Season/Episode - Season 1, Episode 2

Air Date - December 30, 2008

Writer(s) - Michael Lahay

Director(s)/Editor(s) - Rob Boutilier, Josh Mepham, Greg Sullivan, Kenny Park (Storyboard), Jamie Turner (Producer)

Rating - 87/100

Other Note(s) - I Wanna Tell You Not Only I Hate This Episode, But I Also Hate The Whole Show Because Of Too Much Worst Episodes Of This Show, Speaking About This Episode, Mr. Kat and Old Lady Munson are horriblyunlikable in this episode, as Mr. Kat keeps framing Coop by making him cross Old Lady Munson's fence, while Old Lady Munson does nothing but yell at Coop for the things he did not do.Millie is also unlikeable in this episode as she, first of all, told Coop not to "mock" Mr. Kat, even though he clearly deserved it for all of the things he did to Coop. She then just keeps defending Mr. Kat in this episode, just like all of the other episodes. Also, she was about to tell Burt (her and Coop's father by the way) about Coop throwing Mr. Kat to Old Lady Munson's yard, before Mr. Kat eventually freaks out and fights with Coop. Burt sadly, is not much better, as he keeps blaming Coop for all of the things that happened in the entire episode and of course, throws off this excuse "You can't blame Millie's cat for everything, son", though he isn't insufferable compared to the other unlikable characters in this episode. Downright bland and generic title card that just has a sign saying the title of the episode, with some electric wires on top of the fence, hinting at all of the bad things that would happen in this episode, similar to the name of this episode. While Dennis is likable in this episode, he randomly disappears in the second half of the episode as it gets worse and worse by the minute. Burt's animation when he mocked Old Lady Munson looks a lot like a poor attempt at posing a scary roar, which you can see right here.Dreadful Ending: Coop is about to catapult away Mr. Kat to Old Lady Munson's yard, but Mr. Kat breaks free and then catapults Coop away to Old Lady Munson's yard and starts throwing Munson's gnomes at Coop. While Coop caught all of the gnomes, then Old Lady Munson yells at Coop, to the point where Coop gets tied up in the catapult (see the image above), while Mr. Kat enjoys a cup of tea with Millie as he grins. So basically, after all of the horrible things that happened in the entire episode, nothing gets resolved, not ONCE! (albeit the very end where Coop throws another water balloon, but still) And After That, Mr. Kat Wins! And He Gets No Punishment For That! I Was Traumatized Since I Watched That When I Was A Young Child. Does Anyone Watching This Episode Is Traumatized As A Kid Or A Young Child. Why Would The Writers Have Failed Made The Show Good. I Really Don't Wanna Watch This Show Anymore. Lesson Learned: When You Have A Pet, Do Not Throw Anything At Your Neighbor's House.

Original Meme Template: https://imgflip.com/memetemplate/196127392/MrEnters-Notebook

Kid vs. Kat Belongs To Rob Boutilier, Feitong Cartoon Graphics Services, Top Draw Animation Inc. Studio B Productions, Inc. Decode Entertainment, Inc. DHX Media Vancouver, WildBrain Studios, WildBrain Ltd. Jetix Europe N.V. Disney XD, Disney Branded Television, Disney–ABC Home Entertainment and Television Distribution, Disney General Entertainment Content, Disney Media and Entertainment Distribution, Disney Entertainment, Disney Enterprises, Inc. The Walt Disney Company, YTV, YTV Canada, Inc. And Corus Entertainment Inc.

Animated Atrocities © Jonathan Rozanski (TheMysteriousMrEnter)

[pandaspwnz]

also I never updated tumblr about it but my cat Nellie was fine again after her UTI; she did all 5 days of antibiotics and never once refused to take her meds, but today randomly she just sat down in front of us on one of the doggy beds and tried to pee, which in itself is of course weird as she has only ever peed inside her litter box, but all she left was like a drop of bloody pee so. we've called the vet and are getting her in first thing tomorrow and I'm so scared something is wrong, even though the vet sounded calm about it. Anyway please send good vibes to her, I just want her to be okay ❤️😔

[arty-shadow-morningstar]

A Failed Betrothal (4)

Am I doing this right? I mostly do write this when I am between the state of sleep and awareness. Hope you enjoy this.

[Masterlist]

(Part 1) (Part 3)

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PART 4

Marinette came to a dungeon cell with two other prisoners. One of them was awake and he looked vaguely familiar. The other had an ugly red helmet that didn’t help with the headache she had.

“Do you know where we are?” She asked the handsome stranger with beautiful green eyes, her throat a little dry.

Wait. Handsome?

No bad Marinette. Don’t fall for fellow prisoners, no matter how cute he looks. Oh Kwamis, she was already screwed.

He still hadn’t replied. Maybe he didn’t understand French. She tried to ask again in another language before her enhanced hearing picked up the sound of footsteps. She faked unconsciousness. Later, she heard the iron door open. She looked through the tiniest slits of her eyes she could muster while the two held a staring/glaring match. Oh shit, that’s the fame Talia Al Ghul, daughter of Ra’s, head of the League of Shadows, and the boy she was glaring at had some resemblance to her, so he must be her son, Dennis? Daniel? Damon?

"Damian, I hope you know what you should do."

Ohh..Damian. Where had she heard that name before?

"To be forcefully married to that little girl. She is no one special. Why am I getting married to her?"

Ouch, that hurts. Well, Damian, just because I forgot your name does not mean you can call me a little girl. I can also kill you very easily and painfully.

“Well, Jason, you are awake. You can be the best man for the wedding.”

“No. I don’t know what game you are playing but you better release us. B is gonna find us and you will pay. Let the girl go. She is innocent in all of this.” Red Helmet, Jason, is officially not going on her hit list for his atrocious fashion choices. But that red monstrosity still needs to go.

"Ladybug may not seem like it but she possesses great power that my father converted for centuries. Speaking of, she should be awake by now."

Marinette felt her hair being yanked. A little pain was expected but the really sharp claws digging into her scalp was not. Making her cry and tear up.

”I am so sorry, kit.” Plagg whispered in the kwami language, loosening his claws.

"Tch, See, she is more pathetic than I thought. She is not powerful." Damian growled out.

Geez, thanks for the compliment, it’s not like you ever had a tiny cat dig its claws into your scalp out of surprise. (Damian once had a kitten thrown at his head and if he knew about Plagg, he would have been sympathetic.) Marinette started begging for mercy, hoping they would buy the helpless girl out of the suit that is ill-suited for the job she had been chosen for and had no idea on how to escape.

“Like I thought, weak. She is not deserving of the title of my wife.”

Oh kwamis, what did she ever do to have such a picky groom? The more he insults her, the less she wants to be married to him.

"Appearance can be deceiving. Despite her demeanor, she is the current wielder of the Ladybug Miraculous and the Current Guardian. The old Guardian, the old fool had promised her in exchange for his protection."

Great, another reason to stop her mother from killing a senile old man.

"That doesn't mean I want to marry her. She is not worthy of an Al Ghul or a Wayne. Look at her, crying at the slightest feeling of pain."

So that’s where she heard it from. The boy was the son of the daughter of a guy who leads a secret order of assassins and a man that owns a multi-million business. How even did a billionaire meet an assassin, ends up in bed with her and lives? Something to think about for later. She quieted down her sobs, (beat that acting, Rossi) kept her voice low to hatch out a plan with Plagg in the kwami language while the mother-son duo bickered.

“Hey, Plagg before you go, you think I can do that thing, the one which your one of your past holders from Japan can do.”

“You have a lot of potential for destruction but you have not used the ring for a long time yet so I am not sure.”

“I will give it a go anyways. Nothing to lose after all. See you later, Plagg.” Marinette smiled, one that drove fear into the hearts of even the bravest of people. Plagg returned it, already loving the new Guardian before zipping out of the cell to do some scouting. Using the enhanced strength the French superheroine got from prolonged use of the Miraculous, she yanked the chains of the walls and wrapped them around Talia’s neck, cutting off her air supply.

The League of Assassins thought that they could kidnap her and get away with it. But they were no match for the daughter of Sabine Cheng, the deadly Blue Reaper. A high ranking member from the group of assassins and mercenaries called the Guild of Night, who had semi-retired. Kidnapping her was a bad move to make as it meant they had declared war on the Guild, despite the reason behind her abduction having a completely different intention.

She whispered as such to the older woman in her tight grip, making sure the League would know how much they had fucked up. After dropping the limp body, she took a deep breath and tried channeling some of her energy for what she was about to do.

Well, here goes nothing.

She breathed out on the shackles, turning it to rust.

Success!

She introduced herself as Lady and concentrated the energy from before into her hand, forming inky black orbs of destruction in order to free her fellow captives. She felt a little drained from doing magic out of the suit and tried not to show it. Plagg returned, informing her of where the Ra’s and the Pits were. She grinned at the thought of showing old Ra’s who the boss is and made sure he regretted ever messing with her. She explained about Plagg as vaguely as she can, no need to let anyone know about the miraculous than necessary. Sure her plan sounds insane but the boys don’t know who they were with.

She would worry about that curse after she got out of Nanda Parbat. Although she could probably find something in the grimoire to reverse it, she was still an amateur at magic so it was best to have a professional to take care of it. Marinette didn’t want to be with such an asshole, no matter how striking he looks in those regal robes.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Picking off the League assassins, one by one was easy especially in her transformed state. She hadn’t appraised her suit properly but from what she had seen, it wasn’t like Chat Noir’s leather get-up. She was armoured in vital areas and her colour scheme was mainly black with green accents. There were vials that were probably poisons and pouches which she decided to look at later. She still had a long braid as a tail from her brief stint as Lady Noire and she wondered why her suit was different. While hiding in a niche she found, she called the bakery via the comm in one of her various pouches.

“Hello?”

“Papa, it’s me, Marinette. Do you know where Maman is?”

“She went out of Paris, talking about how this League must pay. I think she is meeting up with several of her old friends. Are you alright, my little blossom? I know you can take care of yourself but I worry.” The relief in Tom’s voice was palpable. However, she was right and the Guild was going to war against the League. Marinette was adored by nearly everyone in the Guild due to her strangely bubbly and cheery personality in the harsh and brutal lifestyle.

“I am fine, Papa. Did Maman use the Horse to leave? And how are my friends?” She knew they might be in a panic after her disappearance.

“I think she did. I didn’t see Kalki when I went to feed the kwamis. Your friends panicked when they found out you were kidnapped. But they are fine now, mostly worried about you. Took care of some akumas and senti monsters by themselves. I think your fencer friend, Kagami, knows more about the League than she lets on.” Of course, she does. Her mother was a member of the Guild before being blinded due to a mission. Kagami and her actually first met during a reunion party of sorts.

“Thank you, Papa. Love you.”

“Love you too.”

She hung up and dialed the personal phone number her mother uses that only Marinette and her father knows about. She waited for the call to connect, trying to think of ways to stop her mother from storming into the League’s base of operation.

“Maman, it’s me. I know you want to attack the League right this minute. But I have a better plan. Can you get Tikki’s earrings from Alix? We can use them and the ring to destroy the Lazarus Pits. Make them really angry.” She peeked out of the niche she was hiding in. She had been there for a while and needed to move to gain some grounds.

“Where are you? And are you okay?” Panic and worry filled her usually composed mother’s voice.

“I am somewhere in Nanda Parbat and I am fine. I was nearly married off to Talia’s son but I am not now. I think.” Marinette replied. Better to rip that band-aid off before she showed up with her would-have-been-husband. She jumped out of the niche and looked

“Kalki, Full Gallop. Okay, we will talk about the ‘nearly married’ part later. What was this plan to destroy the Lazarus Pits?” Sabine thought she was already used to Marinette’s brand of craziness that was her normal but apparently, not.

“I am currently on my way there. Plagg said we need Tikki to get rid of them. Since the League pissed me off and by extension you and the rest of the Guild, I thought our first move against them is to destroy the Pits and a trail of bodies. By the way, can you get some cheese for Plagg?” Marinette ran through the halls, knocking out some poor sod with a whack on the head.

Silence. She thought Sabine had hung up when-

“Voyage. Alix, where are you? We need Tikki for one of Marinette’s insane plans. And Marinette, stay safe, sweety, I’ll be there in 15 minutes.”

“Bye, Maman. See you there.”

Marinette turned another corner, the last one before the path that leads to the entrance where the Lazarus Pits were. She only managed to find it with Plagg’s voice in her head, whispering directions and Tikki’s luck. Unfortunately, the luck ran out because the entrance had a lot of guards who had spotted her.

Crap.

She hoped her mother would get here soon. Thankfully, being transformed gave her a boost and would help her to hold her ground for a while.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Damian and Red Hood followed the trail of unconscious bodies and sounds of fights, trying to find Lady. Damian was impressed at the level of her skills to defeat many of the League’s assassins although he could probably do better. They relied on his memory to find the Lazarus Pits which was their best bet to finding her as she claimed to be able to destroy them. If Lady possessed such powers, they must find out whether she is a threat to the world or not. And also break the infernal curse they have.

Red Hood was silent mostly. He made a few jabs about how kick ass his ‘bride’ was and how the current Robin should not let her get away. Damian tried really hard not to just maim his adopted brother and also ignore that little fluttering in his chest that happened every time they saw an unconscious assassin left behind by Lady. The sounds of fighting got louder as they got nearer to the entrance. They turned the final corner to see Lady fighting against the guards who outnumbered her. But she seemed to be doing fine against them. Mostly.

One had slipped through her defenses and nearly stabbed her in the back if it weren’t for Damian grabbing one of Red Hood’s guns and shooting a rubber bullet to the neck. He jumped into the fight, grabbing the fallen assassin’s sword and taking out the knife he got from his mother. Jason joined in too, not going to let the two teens have all the fun.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Thanks for the save, Al Ghul but I don’t know why you bothered when me being dead would solve your curse problem.” Lady said as the guards laid around them and they tried to catch their breath.

“It’s Wayne. I go by Wayne these days. Being an Al Ghul is not something I learned to be proud of. And as much as I don’t want this curse, your death is not worth that price.” he replied, “Although, I have to wonder why you would choose to die rather than live.”

She chuckled, “Okay, Wayne, to answer your question. Petty teenage drama makes death much more preferable. On top of that, I have responsibilities that I was practically forced into for doing one little act of kindness.” Her tone was joking but there was a touch of bitterness in it. It made Damian want to find out what caused it. Red Hood looked at her in concern. Lady went down the stairs, ignoring their reactions to her words. They followed her, not wanting to lose sight of her again.

The Lazarus Pits emitted a green glow that lit up the cave and cast strange shadows on the walls. At the edge of the glowing toxic green waters was a woman in dark blue clothing and strangely enough wearing sunglasses. Strapped to her sides were two Dao, ancient Chinese swords. She wore a vindictive expression on her face as she stood staring at the green lake, likely to kill anyone who gets in her way. Damian didn’t recognize the woman as part of the League but taking no chances, he got into a fighting stance and Hood did the same. Lady calmly approached the woman. He reached out to grab her to stop her suicidal nature when she shocked him by speaking to the blue-clad assassin in French,

“Hey, Maman, sorry I am late. I had a little trouble with the guards upstairs. You have Tikki?”

Lady’s mother rushed to hug her, “灵儿 (líng er), I am just glad you are alright. I knew you could handle yourself.”

How the hell did Lady’s mother get to the Lazarus Pits faster than them and snuck past several vigilant guards? Before Damian could question further, a red blur appeared and went to Lady’s face, hugging her cheek. It appeared to be the same size as Plagg but was red, looked like a bug and had a black dot on its forehead.

“Oh, Marinette, you are alright. I was so worried when your mother showed up, saying you were kidnapped and needed my earrings to escape.” Unlike Plagg’s nasally voice, her voice was sweet and shrill.

So, my bride’s name is Marinette. Such a unique name for an intriguing girl.

Wait what?

Wayne, stop thinking such ridiculous notions. That is probably the curse working. Resist against it. He will not be ensnared in the traps of such magic. He hoped that the curse will be reversed before he turns and act like those fools in Grayson’s idiotic shows or Todd’s ‘secret’ romance novels.

“I am fine now. See,” reassured Lady, “We actually need you and Plagg to reverse the Lazarus Pits to what it was before someone made the wish that resulted in them in the first place. Oh, I almost forgot. Plagg, claws in.”

Green light flashed, leaving Lady in her wedding robes (which actually flatter her body. Shit. Think of something else. Drake with a smug superior smile that needs to be wiped off his face. Grayson and his plans for ‘family bonding’) and Plagg to reappear.

“Cheese.” whined the cat-like kwami(?) to which the older woman held out a brown bag that smelled and made Plagg perk up in delight. He proceeded to open the bag, taking out a slice of stinky cheese, muttering about the greatness of camembert.

Todd cleared his throat and asked in English, “Umm...Pixie as much as your reunion is touching. Who’s the new lady?”

“Oh Right, sorry. Well, Red Hood, this is my mother, the Blue Reaper of the Guild of Night. Maman, this is Red Hood and the one next to him is my husband-to-be and Talia’s Spawn, Damian Wayne.”

Lady introduced them, also in English. Damian stilled in fear, recognizing the name. The Blue Reaper nearly became his mother-in-law. She was famous for her efficiency and ruthlessness. And gained her nickname from the blue clothing she often wore as she killed her targets. His eyes also widened at how his grandfather had gone a little too far now by kidnapping the Reaper’s daughter. There were other organizations that could possibly take down the League if it weren’t for the somewhat truce between Ra’s and the other leaders. The Guild was one of them and having the Lazarus Pits to revive their soldiers made the League a little more powerful. But if what the mother-daughter duo were planning succeeded, then the League was going to have one of its most deadly wars in its history and would probably never recover from.

“Tikki, Plagg, you guys ready?” asked Lady.

“Yes, Guardian.” They both replied and emitted a blinding red and green light which Damian shielded his eyes from. When it died down, the Lazarus Pits no longer glowed a toxic green and looked… like normal hot spring water.

“Oh. I wished I could see Ra’s face when he finds out.” Lady laughed. Plagg and Todd joined in.

“Pixie, I am beginning to like you.”

“Voyage. That being said, it’s time to go home, Marinette. Your father must be worried sick about us by now. I hope you boys can find your own way back.” A portal opened up, showing a cozy living room. Damian grabbed Lady’s wrist as she moved towards it.

“Wait, let us come with you. We need to contact someone to get rid of the curse on both of us. And we can also call our father to send us tickets for a ride home wherever you live.”

“Curse? Marinette, you never mentioned a curse in your call.” Blue Reaper said, raising her eyebrow.

“I will explain later. They can come with us and I am pretty sure Ra’s knows that we have escaped by now.” Lady grabbed the two brothers and dragged them through the portal.

She then threw herself onto the couch after releasing her hold on them and the two pocket gods went to comfort her after her ordeal. The Blue Reaper stood where the other portal was and fed a floating tiny gray horse, that must be the same species as Tikki or Plagg, some sugarcubes.

“You boys must be tired but the showers are upstairs and we might have some clothes your size. Dinner will be ready in an hour. You can stay the night if you want. Welcome to Paris.”

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Tag list: @alysrose-starchild, @buginetye, @lookatthestars1, @blackroserelina, @macncheesemonster, @mochinek0, @myazael, @tonicxworld, @thewitchwhowaited, @t1dwarrior-of-earth, @kissa-chan, @iwantasecretidentity, @theymakeupfairies, @user00000003, @woe-is-me0, @kashlyn, @mochegato,@moonlightstar64 , @greatcatblaze, @moongoddesskiana, @tazanna-blythe. @tonicxworld, @toodaloo-kangaroo, @frieddonutsweets, @local-witch-of-mn, @lady-bee-fechin, @iglowinggemma28, @indecisive-mess-named-me, @k-tea-and-coffee, @jayjayspixiepop, @all-mights-asscheeks, @idk-j-go-with-it , @loysydark, @thenillabean, @lolieg, @zalladane, @silvergold-swirl

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(Part 5)

[mattreactsto]

Karen…is that a Spirit Halloween wig?

Awww. Chim did this?

Well…when he’s right he’s right.

Hen. Come on. The fuck?

Karen is a saint. Denny looks fed up with the bullshit.

Karen with the astronaut Mom joke. Move in next door and let’s have mimosas. Can you make mimosas? (I have zero ingredients)

Karen is a babysitter for a butt hurt white boy…and professionals.

Hmmm. Karen took them off the fostering list so Hen could concentrate. Okay. That makes sense.

Uh. Karen. Your kid?

Denny looks like one of the kids a year or so ahead of our son. (how the hell did I not pick that up)

Okay. The Yeps were funny.

Is…is Hen actually a mom. Because. Just. That’s. Comfort your kid. Come. The. Fuck. On.

Flashback Hen doesn’t have Bougie glasses.

Oh yeah Karen. Get it. GET IT!!

Oh my gods. Karen. Lovingly takes off the glasses…and breaks a goddamn lamp.

Bobby is so commanding. Why aren't you like that? (You ignore me like the cat does. Piss off.)

Dead guy. Brain putty. Sad.

God I love Karen.

Eddie is so…useful. You want him to root around in you, don’t you? (That’s not the point…)

Only Karen would argue with Bobby mid emergency. Slay girl. Slay.

Annoying white guy is more helpful with a busted face.

Ooh. Ugly ex stories.

Hen. Karen is so good. She wouldn’t bail. She’s a better person than you.

Buck. You should know by now to NOT fucking argue with Karen.

I wonder if the actors balls get sweaty in the turn outs.

Boom boom boom boom. I want you in my room. Or however that song goes.

Karen deserves a spa day.

So…Karen got UHauled and Baby trapped?

Karen…she is so valid with this. Okay. Season one…makes more sense.

Wooooow. Hen. Be less of a bitch maybe? I mean. Valid points from Karen. But Karen…the baby is innocent. I mean yeah. The Eva of it all is shit.

Karen. No! If they kill her off I swear to fuck.

Chim. Not cool fuck. Not fucking cool. Manipulative little cock fucking shit.

Wow. If anyone pulls that on our kid they die. For real. Fuck jail. Not even scared.

Bobby my boy. Just. Wow.

Hey. Injured Hen is like injured you! Except the break up. You’re just a ba…(finish that word and you’ll be eating through a tube I swear to Jesus.)

You know what Hen. Sometimes I don’t think you actually deserve her.

But seriously. Flashback Karen wig looks like Spirit Halloween.

HEY didn’t that Marvel Jones person lose her spleen too. (Jessica Jones. And yes. Yes she did.)

Oh right. Toni moved out. I wonder if her and what’s his name are having all kinds of geriatric old people sex. (Thank you for that visual. I may just shit in your CPAP tonight.)

After ALL that from the last couple episodes she’s dropping med school isn’t she.

Awww. Do you miss when our son was that age? (oh god so much. He wasn’t a cryer. He was a squawker. A cute squawker. I do NOT miss the diapers or anything, but my little snuggly boy? Oh yeah. )

Seriously. SHE COULDN’T have figured that out like, two episodes ago?

Denny is such a sweet kid. Yes buddy. You’re getting hugged a tonne.

Maybe they’ll write Hen as less of a jerk going forward.

[elemental-daddy-neos]

What are everyone’s teams in your Pokemon au? Do you have a plot set out or is it a more causal au?

Oooooh this is a fun one

You'd better fucking BELIEVE we have a plot set up, I have poured so much effort into the Pokemon au

Okay, so: when it comes to teams, I decided that everyone should have at least one legendary Pokemon in their party as a way to be faithful to the ace monster concept, but it wasn’t until much later into the au that I realized I’d failed to do that with Sora’s team, which led to a very fun plot point involving his secret 7th Pokemon he keeps in his box

Teams under the cut because it’s gonna be a long one, boys

Yuya has: Groudon, Sandshrew, Popplio, Hippopotas, Aipom, and Ekans

In his box, he’s got Phanphy, Charmander, Politoad, Ducklett, Liepard, Skorupi, and Lycanroc (Midnight form)

I wanted him to have as many Pokemon as he could that reminded me of the monsters in his deck, and since Yuya is a coordinator in this au instead of a regular trainer, it just felt right that he’d have a lot of different partners he could swap out for various contests

Also I’m mad that there isn’t a legendary dragon that looks like Odd Eyes, so I had to give Yuya Groudon instead, making him the only Yu boy in this au to not have a legendary dragon type Pokemon

Yuto has: Eternatus, Bisharp, Aegislash, Aggron, Lucario, and Shadow Rider Calyrex

Okay listen, I know I was supposed to only give everyone One legendary Pokemon, but with Calyrex I feel justified because it looks So Much like it could be one of Yuto’s Phantom Knights, I mean

Just look at it

Yuto gets to have two legendaries to make up for Arc-V killing him off so early into the show

Aside from this guy, the rest of Yuto’s team just felt like it should be comprised of steel types ow the edge so that’s what I gave him. His Pokemon are as edgy as he tries to appear to be and that is enough to amuse me.

There also weren’t exactly many good Pokemon equivalents of his archetype, so I made do with what I had.

Yugo has: Latios, Scizor, Claydol, Porygon 2, Ponyta (Shiny), and Sudowoodo

Yugo was honestly so hard to come up with a team for because all his Speedroid cards are just like... toys and stuff for the most part, so I agonized over what I should pick for him for a Long time. In the end, I feel like I got close enough to his general aesthetic with the Pokemon I picked.

(His Ponyta is there because of Speedroid Horse Stilts, and while it is a shiny, the dumbass has no idea about it, and thinks he just happened to get a special blue horse that was born a little differently- he never claimed to be smart.)

He also deadass thought Sudowoodo was a grass type for the longest time. Rin had to be the one to tell him it wasn’t. 

“Yugo. Sudowoodo? It sounds like pseudo? As in fake wood?”

“Ohhhhh is that what its name means? Wow Rin you’re so smart.”

No Yugo you’re just exceptionally stupid.

Yuri has: Naganadel, Seviper, Victreebel, Toxicroak, Vileplume, and Roserade

For the most toxic of battlers, I felt it only necessary to give Yuri an all poison type team. I included an even mix of plants in there to tie into his Predaplant deck, Seviper for the snake eye vibes, and Toxicroak... just feels right, you know. I couldn’t find any other poison plant themed Pokemon that seemed like they’d fit his vibe, so he gets a poison frog instead.

Yuzu has: Meloetta, Sylveon, Meowstic (Female), Gardevoir, Florges, and Jigglypuff

I tried to stick with Pokemon that had very feminine vibes for Yuzu, since her deck is comprised of pretty singing ladies, so Meloetta and Jigglypuff in particular feel very fitting in that regard.

Serena has: Cresselia, Delcatty, Glameow, Lopunny, Persian, and Pyroar (Female)

The moon vibes with Cresselia felt perfect for Serena, and as for the rest of her team, all cats and a bunny to pay homage to her Lunalight deck ^^

Rin has: Celesteela, Mismagius, Hatterene, Glaceon, Froslass, and Chimecho

Her team vibes with the witch part of her Wind Witch deck, at least for Mismagius and Hatterene. Glaceon, Froslass, and Chimecho are there due to the etymology of her name, where possible meanings of it include “cold” and “bell”, which I thought was pretty cool, no pun intended.

Ruri has: Galarian Articuno, Pidgeot, Noctowl, Chatot, Altaria, and Unfezant (Male)

Some softer birds for the soft bird girl, for the most part. I liked the thought of her team being all birds like her Lyriluscs, and just... yeah. They’re all very friendly birds that Ruri’s bonded pretty closely with. Also I made sure she had Galarian Articuno for no reason other than it is purple like her, and I think that’s all the reason I need.

Gong has: Kartana, Machoke, Samurott, Golisopod, Hariyama, and Conkeldurr

Gong was really easy to assign a team to- just had to find as many samurai themed Pokemon as possible, and fill in the rest with really strong fighting types, like Machoke, Hariyama, and Conkeldurr.

Shingo has: Type: Null, Dusclops, Misdreavus, Spiritomb, Decidueye, and Cramorant

With Shingo, I tried to go for Pokemon that had the same vibes as some of his Abyss Actors, and I think Dusclops is the best example of this. Tbh I am very proud of giving him a Type: Null because Type: Null is an amalgamation of other Pokemon, something that was created in a lab to be a fighting machine. There’s nothing natural about Type: Null, and it’s kind of terrifying to Yuya specifically, who’s always viewed Pokemon as creatures to befriend. This experiment created purely to kill... unnerves him, and serves as a very good foil to his beliefs when it comes to Pokemon.

And they were narrative foils

Oh my god they were narrative foils

On a sillier note, I chose Cramorant purely because of this quote from its bulbapedia page: “Cramorant are also rather unintelligent as they can't remember which Pokémon they fight in mid battle, but never forget Trainers that they trust. However, they try to attack their Trainers if they steal food from them.”

I just thought the idea of Shingo having this dumb bird that occasionally pecks at him over food would be funny tbh, gotta dunk on the rival at least a little bit.

Sora has: Banette, Vanillish, Swirlix, Stufful, Litleo, and Buneary

In his box, he has a Guzzlord

I feel like Sora’s team is very straightforward, as it’s a mix of sweets themed Pokemon, and Pokemon that represent monsters in his deck- Stufful for Flufflal Bear, Litleo for Fluffal Leo, and Buneary for Fluffal Rabbit. Guzzlord... is relevant later on in the plot after shit goes down, that’s all I’ll say for now.

Masumi has: Diancie, Sableye, Corsola, Aurorus, Tyranitar, and Lycanroc (Dusk form)

Gem Knight girl deserved to have a bunch of good rock type Pokemon, and Diancie is like. The best possible legendary I could have given someone like her lol, the crystal aesthetic is just perfect for her. Not much to say here honestly, I just really vibed with these specific rock types and thought they’d make a good team for her.

Yaiba has: Zeraora, Kecleon, Pangoro, Scyther, Purugly, and Stantler

So I actually threw this list together just now because I realized Masumi was the only member of her trio to have a full team, and that just wasn’t right. I tried to base this team off the XX-Sabers as well I could, but it was a little hard with how many humanoid cards Yaiba has. With his legendary, I actually chose it based off this monster right here! 

I think they’ve got similar enough vibes aesthetically for Zeraora to fit him. Scyther is based on Emmersblade, Kecleon on Ragigura, Stantler on Garsem, Purugly on Gardestrike, and Pangoro... Honestly, it just makes me think of Yaiba himself when I look at him. I think they’d get along well.

Hokuto has: Deoxys, Espeon, Grumpig, Starmie, Lunatone, and Malamar

Psychic type Pokemon just sort of felt right for him to have, considering that his deck is based on constellations and has an overall space theme to it. Not sure why that translates over to psychic in my brain, but you know what, it looks right, I love this team for him, and I’m not gonna question it.

I especially think Deoxys makes a good legendary for him considering it is literally a space alien, and Hokuto’s whole thing is space, so yeah, he gets to have the space alien.

Shun has: Galarian Moltres, Skarmory, Fearow, Dodrio, Staraptor, and Talonflame

Pretty straightforward team I feel- it’s all birds of prey for the Raid Raptor boy, and I just thought the Galarian version of Moltres was neat. Makes me think of his Blaze Falcon since they’re both black and red.

Dennis has: Hoopa, Mr. Mime, Delphox, Zoroark, Alakazam, and Hawlucha

Hoopa seemed like a very good legendary for Dennis to have, given his deck archetype and all, he just kind of looks like a little circus dude. Its unbound form makes me think about the swap Dennis has when it gets revealed that he’s actually been a double agent the whole time, and the play gloves finally come off.

The rest of his team... I feel like they speak for themselves. I tried to give him Pokemon that matched up with his deck archetype, so there’s Delphox to rep the fire themed monsters, Mr. Mime because it just fits Dennis’ general personality- and I love the thought of those two being friends and just copying each other’s theatric poses. Chaotic dynamic duo.

(Also: Zoroark's ability letting it disguise itself as another Pokemon is just another parallel to Dennis pretending to be one of the good guys at first, and I love it)

Shinji has: Buzzwole, Beedrill, Vespiquen, Ribombee, Kricketune, and Leavanny

I tried to give the bee man all the bees I could, but there are only so many bee Pokemon out there 😔 I knew the rest of his team had to be insect types to make up for it, so I picked Kricketune because he is just... a friend... a musical buddy who definitely gets along well with the kids. Leavanny is just a bug mom who also helps patch up the kids’ clothing when they get tears in them, which I just love the idea of. Sweet bug mom whose dex entry talks about how they sew for other Pokemon looks after her trainer’s kids when she’s not battling.

Buzzwole: witness the fitness

Throwback to the Smash Bros mains lmao 

Crow has: Murkrow, Braviary, Starly, Swellow, Pikipek, and Corviknight

Bunch of birds for my Blackwing user... This team was partially picked out by June, and it was mostly meant for the Other Pokemon au, but I don’t really see a reason to change his team here. Crow is the one person without a legendary on his team, which makes me sad, but there really isn’t a legendary bird out there that fits his vibes, so as much as I wanna give him a legendary, he will have to make do without one. Sorry Crow.

Hoo... that’s finally all the teams down. Now I can talk about the plot! So, as I briefly mentioned in a previous post (I think), this particular au is inspired by Pokemon Diamond/Pearl/Platinum! It’s the era where contests really became a big thing, which is perfect for a lot of these characters because it’s easy to translate dueltaining over to coordinating in this world. Much like in canon, Yuya aspires to be as great a coordinator as his dad was, and strives to entertain people the way Yusho could. He’s not much for battling, and far prefers getting to show off his Pokemon’s talents in contests than anything. 

Academia is going to play the role of Team Galactic in this au, which is incredibly fitting with their mission in canon: to remake the universe in their leader’s image. In this case, with Leo Akaba taking on the role of Cyrus, his intent is, presumably, to either destroy the universe that took his daughter from him, or create a new one where she can live once again, no matter the cost.

Sora being a key member in Team Galactic is a very big part of the plot in this au: his mission was to capture one of the lake legendaries, Uxie, since Leo needed all three of them for his plan to remake the universe, but things don’t exactly go well for him, and he ends up losing his battle against Uxie, resulting in all of his memories being locked away, and essentially making him a blank slate.

Side note: the Galactic grunt haircut reminds me a lot of Sora, I mean just look at it

Practically same bangs as him, just add an upturned ponytail and you’ve got my son.

This post is getting very long... but I will add one last plot related thing to it before I go: Uxie can erase memories, Mesprit can erase emotions, and Azelf can erase willpower. All three of these lake legendaries play a very important role in the plot, due to being the keys to Leo Akaba’s plans to remake the universe. Sora was touched by Uxie, effectively doing away with all memory he has of being in Team Galactic. Yuya ends up touched by Mesprit in an attempt to save them, and subsequently loses his emotions as a result. Riley?

Riley had been affected by all three of them before the plot began, which is why she is the way she’d been in Arc-V: Emotionless, unable to remember anything about her past except for those brief, fleeting flashes of memory when put into certain situations she’d experienced before, and without any will of her own. She’s so dependent on her older brother because she quite literally has no clue what to do with herself without being told to, and needs orders to function.

Hoo, if you’ve made it all the way to the end of the post, congratulations! I think this is the longest one I’ve made... ever lmao. I hope you guys found it enjoyable! If anyone wants to know more about certain aspects of this au, feel free to ask! I look forward to talking about it more c: