#Deep Feeling Magic Being
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I think one of the most surprising parts of transition, specifically going on testosterone, is just how... normal it felt to me. When I was watching other people go on testosterone and describe how they felt, I anticipated that I'd feel the huge emotions, the spark, I guess. But I didn't. If anything, I went from being a neurotic mess to being... normal. Almost painfully normal. It's like I've gotten a cloth and dusted off this thing I call my body.
I honestly think it's interesting how natural I feel on testosterone. I never really thought I could feel this normal, but I do. It's like I can stand in a crowd and not feel like eyes are watching me, like ants crawling on a log.
#trans#transgender#lgbt#lgbtq#ftm#nonbinary#HAVING FEELINGS#like i watched this guy talk about how... almost explosive it feels for him on testosterone...#...and he was talking about it like 'RAAAAAGH FUCK I'M SUDDENLY FILLED WITH THE URGE TO PUNCH DRYWALL'#'ANGRY...HUNGRY' and i think that's completely fine. but it was weird when i didn't experience that#instead of being like... i guess hormonal??? i just feel like i can take a deep breath for once#(though i do relate to when he was like 'I NEED TO EAT EVERYTHING IN THE HOUSE 🤬')#but yeah... i guess this is me just being fascinated at how the same exact hormone even at the same levels will feel and look so different#like to me that's magic. like the human body is the messiest result of pure magic to me#i guess to me it's so interesting that people have an intense experience on testosterone when i just do not#(and my levels are normal for my body/age range. it is painfully in the middle of normal in fact)#(though i am overdue for labs. i was JUST talking about labs with my dad too 💀)
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Sasha using the title "Lord" in RiAAU after taking over Toad Tower and presumably killing Grime and stealing Barrel's Warhammer from him, and other political and military leaders assuming she's a man because, well, Sasha is a gender neutral name, so they hear Lord Sasha and assume they're talking about an adult male toad warrior. The second most powerful person in the known world and only real threat to the Leviathan reign!
Cue princess Marcy fleeing Newtopia and her father seeking refuge with his worst enemy hoping to offer information and political levarage in exchange for protection, perhaps even offering herself in marriage to transfer eventual inheritances and whatnot, and she finds out that Lord Sasha is not, indeed, a dark and domineering toad warlord, but a beautiful, terrifying girl her age that looks like her and oh god her poor little lesbian heart can barely take it.
#amphibia#sasharcy#marcy wu#sasha waybright#my posts#raised in amphibia au#sasha and marcy are over here living in game of thrones while#anne is playing stardew valley with a mod that gives you ptds#Sasha being mistaken(? as a man being a common misunderstanding due to poor communication to the point potential allies don't believe her#unless she's carrying the hammer around herself#lord sasha with her two wives... nnhnhnn... one representing her alliance with the frogs of frog valley and possibly beyond depending on ho#she and her grandfather (current mayor of wartwood) play their cards#and the other in her sansa stark era (horrible violations of bodily autonomy involved) (not by sasha btw) trying to maintain alliances#with noble newt houses after betraying her father and eloping with the enemy#after learning The Truth^TM (which she's conveniently hiding from everyone else except maybe olivia and that's a big maybe)#cue some nice toad civil wars (the eastern and northern tower may support sasha but despite their less than friendly relationship#beatrix will NOT recognize this magical alien's victory over her dead brother. and my friend beatrix is not to be messed with)#anne having lots of self worth issues after her very morally questionable grandfather married her off to sasha for political reasons#marcy having. uh. green blood. and a weird metalic port in the back of her neck. her brain feels tingly when she touches it#and king andrias desperately fighting to crush this little frog valley rebellion and punish those to blame for the abduction of his daughte#edit: i meant ptsd. anne has ptsd from that time she may or may not have accidentally indirectly caused the death of sprig and polly's#parents at age 8 (they were her parents for 4 years. the only parents she remembers. she hasn't forgiven herself and deep down#neither has hop pop but we don't talk about it)
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parents of disabled kids will be like “we know our kid is disabled but we just won’t tell them about it. we don’t want them to think they’re less valuable than other kids. we don’t want them to feel limited by their disability, we want them to know they’re capable of anything.”
meanwhile those kids are growing up thinking “why is everything so much harder for me than it is for everyone else? there’s no reason i shouldn’t be able to just do this. i guess i’m just a failed, broken person.”
#text post#ableism#like if you don’t want to get your kid diagnosed with something then that’s one thing#but not KNOWING what’s wrong with them isn’t gonna make the problem just magically disappear#and just personally speaking. SO MANY things i do that i used to feel such deep shame about?#i now realize they were because i’m autistic#the meltdowns the social awkwardness etc#and i feel so much better to know i wasn’t just being whiny or difficult or weird for no reason#i feel like my whole life i’ve been gaslighted into not knowing what i really feel#because everyone always told me i was being ‘dramatic’ or ‘too sensitive’ and eventually i decided they must be right#so now i literally can’t tell what i’m feeling sometimes#because i dismiss my own feelings as stupid and wrong
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could you imagine if mlb trended again #1 because everyone for no reason whatsoever decided to pretend that stormy weather, the first episode of season 1, just suddenly came out and no one's ever heard of this show before
#speakizys#i have a deep fondness for season 1 and 2 of the show i feel like that's the peak of the show's magicalness. idk how to explain it#i would love to enjoy that moment of everyone being starstruck over again
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my experience with maxing out the twins' friendship is just-
Hawke: So, Carver, my dear baby brother who I love and adore, I only need +10 more points to max out your friendship. I've done the grind; through gritted teeth I've kissed templar ass so that we don't raise suspicion. I've supported and defended you and let you take the lead whenever I could. You're my favorite warrior. I took you to the Deep Roads with me because you desperately wanted to go and then made you a warden and you found a place, a purpose. I've practically written my own guide on how to earn as much friendship with you because I love you and it's totally worth it so can I please please have the last +10...? Carver: Hawke: Carver please I'm begging you Carver: Carver: +5 Friendship Hawke: AAUUGGGHHLKSAJDLKAJSDLK-
Hawke: So, Bethany, my dear sis- Bethany: +50 Friendship Hawke: Bethany: :)
#dragon age#dragon age 2#da2#bethany hawke#carver hawke#i love them both they're my favorites#but oh my god the grind of maxing out carver's friendship because it's absolutely worth it and then playing another run with bethany#where i blinked and suddenly her friendship was maxed out was a wild experience sksksk#and it's interesting to think about how carver is 'difficult' when it comes to getting friendship whereas bethany already starts with +50#so it's easier to max her out just by being kind to her and doing her quests early#but after act 1 carver becomes so much softer when your friendship is high with him BUT bethany? i'm leaning more toward making her a warde#and i know she's going to be so resentful of me for it despite having maxed friendship like that's so fascinating??#how the twins start off on such opposite ends with different attitudes toward hawke?? and how after act 1 they switch??#well for the warden routes anyway... i refuse to let carver join the templars and i really REALLY don't want bethany to go to the circle#she won't be happier there no one can convince me she's happier as a circle mage... 'accepting your place' isn't the same as being happy#carver can find a place he's content with whereas bethany is screwed over either way since her magic isn't something she can just let go of#like yes both twins are bitter that they didn't survive the deep roads but carver's always worn his bitterness on his sleeve#whereas bethany felt she had to hide hers because she felt she had to be grateful for the sacrifices her family made for her#and now they are both trapped and free at the same time... carver just happens to thrive but bethany feels she traded one cage for another#ugh the hawke twins THE HAWKE TWINS Y'ALL#I just want them to be happy and loved and alive... why is that too much to ask for??
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Because really, what did she expect?
"The power of love has cured my sociopathy and cptsd!" -Bishōnen Vincent
Complexed former child star in crisis because nobody finds her special anymore, cries over the male equivalent of chopped bologna.
Nathaniel had to find the softest way to tell her she kind of chased after an emotional sink... But it was a much needed discussion! Hopefully Sonia actually listens. Or at least pauses to think why she likes Vincent in the first place.
Oh, Sonia.
#nathanieltag#soniasanderstag#Vincenttag#my ocs#oc tag#oc comic#oc art#oc comics#I still find it funny when I write Nathaniel giving advice and being a good friend considering his past... Because he's genuinely being one#She wants to fix him. She wants everyone to like her. She wants to feel unique. She envies risk takers. She hates having no one around.#It's a mix of deep-rooted feelings that take place with what she looks for in others. But she redoubles effort instead of considering aims.#Ive never been a fan of characters that *magically* change their ways with no true motivation or effort.#I hope I don't make such mistakes with my characters! change exists#But change requires a lot of personal determination *to* change.#ark_systema#A_S Comics
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Something that I feel a lot of fans forget when they get angry at Phoebe for refusing to help Cole in the Wasteland is that he's not just asking her to save him. Despite saying that the Source is gone, he very intentionally still asks her to be evil. That's not me being dramatic or anything either because that's very explicitly canon. Phoebe, even as a Charmed One, doesn't have the power to resurrect Cole. As a good witch, she just physically (magically?) can't; it's not something within her abilities. (Obviously, otherwise, she and Piper would've resurrected Prue.)
The only method that Cole gives her to save him is the Grimoire. Y'know, the book that requires you to be evil to even touch it, much less use it. That's not something that you can trick; she would have to become evil again to even use it. He knows that, even acknowledges it to Phoebe in the Wasteland. She literally tells him that she won't use dark magic again, acknowledging it as evil. Cole isn't like oh, forgot about that! No, he asks her if she wouldn't use it "even for us." He knows what that would entail and what that would require Phoebe to do.
That isn't even getting into what the spell itself would require. This part, admittedly, is speculation but with the Grimoire being the Grimoire and resurrection like that being so rare and difficult, I have a hard time believing that the spell or ritual wouldn't have involved killing innocents. (Personal headcanon is that the spell calls for at least one heart personally. We see with Tuatha in That Old Black Magic that she uses a human heart to disempower witches. Something much worse would logically be required for a resurrection spell.) Just asking Phoebe even retrieve the Grimoire, much less use it, is bad.
As for later, she is still planning on giving up her powers, so it's not as if she'll be able to discover some other method to save him. She won't be Charmed anymore. And while, yes, the Angel of Destiny gives them some time to make this decision, there's still a time limit on how long they can take this option. Maybe with more time, Phoebe would have been able to figure out a way to save him without the Grimoire. However, it'd have required her to stay chained to a destiny that she no longer wanted and give up the future that she, and Piper, wanted: one free of magic, pain, loss, etc. So, yeah, she simply doesn't have the time, resources, or ability to save him without the Grimoire (which still isn't an option anyways). And by the time that she and Piper decide that they want to remain as witches, Cole has already freed himself, so it's a moot point anyways.
I mean, genuinely, in this situation, what did people want Phoebe to do? She didn't refuse to save Cole; she literally could not save him from the Wasteland. (And this is without delving into the argument about if Phoebe should save him or is obligated to save Cole anyways, which is a completely different question involving their relationship, choices, and morality.)
#charmed#phoebe halliwell#cole turner#charmed meta#meta#and look. i hate cole but this isnt even about that#she couldnt save him unless she turned evil which he had no right to ask of her after everything#and truthfully i feel like the fact that he DID highlights that#yeah even tho the source was a possession typa deal#deep down cole was never interested in being good and never really redeemed himself#bc how can you really be redeemed if you still see no problem with trying to use evil magic and asking someone else to do so#and i know that theres the idea that its his soul at risk but. would prue have asked her to do that?#would andy? or leo? or piper? or paige? or literally anyone else who loved phoebe?#bc i think that cole is the only character who would have mortal or magic tbh#even darryl victor elise. i think that if they knew what it would cost (WHICH COLE DOES) they still wouldn't ask that of her#bc he is asking her to fundamentally change herself to become evil to save him and then what#they pick up where they left off? that's not a switch that you can just toggle on and off#i truly cant even grasp how cole thought that would work tbh
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2024 reads / storygraph
At The Feet Of The Sun
book 2 in a slow paced high fantasy duology*
the right hand of the emperor (who is off searching for an heir) struggles with what to do after passing on his responsibilities and also discovering various pieces of information that are mindblowing to him, personally,
after adventure is thrust upon him, he travels to find His Radiancy and they go on some otherworldly adventures while growing closer and figuring out the nature of their friendship
(*there’s extra novellas & i think another book coming? duology adjacent, currently,)
#At The Feet Of The Sun#lays of the heart-fire#aroaessidhe 2024 reads#giggling and kicking my feet. and also crying#bro the yearning….the yearning#I can definitely see why this loses people - it’s so long and very self indulgent#(listen. i enjoy it a lot . but does it need to be THAT long (i just checked. 375k? lord))#but it is easy to read and also very funny. it felt less repetitive than the first book to me#I did find it hard to keep track of some of the side characters though#The first world-travelling stuff caught me off guard initially - I feel like all the weird magic was more background in book 1?#or maybe I just didn't pay attention.#taking a step back it is a bit like - kip sure does achieve everything and then some and just continues to achieve everything huh#and it gets to a point where it's like.....okay yes I get he's so talented at this etc etc.#but I guess it’s a nice change of pace from the kingly swordfighting fantasy protagonist who’s perfect and wins everything -#someone whose skill is people and negotiation in a humble way is a bit more interesting. still. it maybe felt less grounded after a while?#the deep exploration of platonic yearning and desire for strong friendship and fear over that person just wanting romance/sex#when that’s Not what you want out of the relationship………#not to mention his complex feelings over meeting two people who were like his platonic soulmate rolemodels#and then finding out they just used that term because gay relationships weren’t accepted and trying to not be disappointed#(because gay is also good!) but also like. so lonely in feeling like nobody understands his desire for a platonic soulmate#to be treated equally as romantic relationships are. oof#I am a little baffled to see people interpret it as a romantic asexual relationship?#I feel like that does such a disservice to the . everything that has been set up in what 600k words of books#like the implication of that is that you think other romantic rships w/o sex are unheard of in this world. I find that hard to believe idk#(I mean - a bit romantic on fitzroy’s end; and in the nebulous queerplatonic area between friendship and romance; sure#but like a straight up romantic relationship just without sex - I don’t understand how it could be interpreted that way lol?)#(anyway other people’s interpretations don’t matter)#I do have questions about the telepathic dinosaur soulmates. you can’t just mention that and now show me them#also. kip being like 'wait there were sirens? i wonder if i can hire them' kshfkjsgkf#asexual books
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sorry for only saying this type of shit lately but i kinda wanna drive a car straight into a brick wall at the highest speed possible
#trying to keep it together so bad because i already know the problems and solutions and whatnot but i cannot do anything#i desperately just need to do something. accomplish any task. actually several would be nice. but i cannot stand just letting life go by#while i watch other people have the things i want. or even metaphorically living my dream like. that should be me why am i settling for thi#i hate even talking about this because i feel so stupid when i know it's not even a real tangible problem and that i actually DO have real#problems to tackle and the ability to do so but i'm choosing to be upset over the stupidest things i could possibly be sad about#and i can't even be sad about it in a normal way i'm cycling through like several different reactions to smth that isn't even real#or if it is real i literally do not have tanglible evidence for it one way or another like i'm driving myself insane for no reason#i can't even get catharsis because all i'm doing is digging a deeper hole for something i never should've gone back into in the first place#because i KNOW how i am i KNOW how i react to things and i still chose to do it lmao.#and i continue to choose to go through this shit instead of actively trying to change my life because... i'm lazy? and stupid? idk#negative self-talk isn't gonna get me to do anything either so let's just say i'm feeling particularly unmotivated like usual#i hated being a teenager but i really do miss when all my problems just amounted to 'someone was mean to me on tumblr today :(' or i failed#a test in chemistry or something. like i yearn for that simplicity becasue at this point all i'm doing is ruining my own life LMAO#i'm too scared to live i'm too scared to die so i just sit here and fantasize that life could be amazing if i wait#and i'll magically get everything i've ever wanted if i just wait long enough. and i know it isn't true and i still wait for it to happen.#because honestly like. i think deep down i am just convinced i will fail at anything i do when that shouldn't be what scares me.#what scares me should be never even allowing myself to fail because i never tried to do anything at all with myself or my life#like. wake the fuck up. get off your ass and put in the effort. learn some skills. gain independence and stability and discipline and do it#just live please i'm begging you just live so i can be happy don't i deserve to be happy... why am i not letting myself be happy#i'm literally keeping myself trapped in this negative feedback loop ON PURPOSE because teehee shiny toy#and it doesn't matter if the love is real it doesn't matter how i feel like i'm just using it as a distraction i can't say it's motivation#because it's barely motivated me at all. i have to start being realistic. 25 & just realizing you actually have to participate in your life#anyways. i've cried i've agonized i've pictured killing myself in 30 different ways. i think the only way i'm gonna feel better is#to just actually try this time without giving up. wish me luck
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people are always ridiculing the idea of exclusively gay people and nonbinary people having *actual conversations* about gender and orientation to work out if they're compatible, as if attraction that is anything less than instinctive, instantaneous and sharply binary makes a mockery of Real Homosexuality. meanwhile cishet people going on multiple full-on *dates* to work out if they're "really into" each other is the most normal thing in the world
#'oh are you going to pull up their carrd before deciding if you think they're hot? lmao virgin loser u just see them and knowww'#well 1. you're talking about attraction to an IDEA of a person not the person themself#how you feel about a person when you know nothing about them does not reflect some Deep Truth of who they are#you literally made that up.#2. you can also misjudge binary people's genders. you can mistake a cis man for a cis woman too#and that doesn't mean you're Secretly Bi OR that he's Basically A Woman it just means you made a mistake#gender isn't fucking magic!!#and it's not actually supporting nb people to be like 'well i can misgender them in my head so i'm p sure that means i'm into them'#does it?#are you comfortable with that nb person being your partner not your boyfriend.#are you comfortable with them being your boyfriend AND your girlfriend.#are you comfortable with the idea that this could change at any time.#you need to actually reflect on these things and allow for the possibility that the answer might be no#and if it is no put aside your entitlement and leave them alone!#god the idea that exclusive sexuality is somehow indicative of exclusionary politics is a plague#not everyone is into nb ppl (or into ALL nb ppl) and that is literally fine!!#'nb people can be gay though :/' not all gay ppl have to be mutually compatible 👍#like. two stones butches aren't compatible either. doesn't mean either of them isn't really gay
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if you had to base a new riverdale season off three movies, which would you choose and why? they could be tonal choices or you can pluck entire elements of the movies and work them in.
ok i broke the rules bc i didn't stick to movies, i went novels and pop culture with it too. and i also kind of embroidered a few references together around each main riff in a way that i think COULD be riverdalian, but these are my 3 selections:
jt leroy (2018). trashy iffy-hot-take kristen stewart/laura dern movie about a very 2000s literary scandal/internet drama run Too Far into irl drama that i think riverdale would know better what to do with. two ideas (this is a jughead plot btw):
put jughead in the dissociated trauma-projecting controlling persona-having laura albert/jt leroy role and rope veronica and reggie and their monetary-business motivations into the scam angle. monica posh savannah knoop stuff and rattling veronica and jughead around in a jar together intensely in a campy way
or step lightly outside the bounds of this script into the real livejournal and myspace based drama of it all and jughead's sometimes-characterization as a guy who needs help unpacking metaphor even though he's swimming in it. make him into one of the many emo band boys (ryan ross?? ryan ross????) who related so so so so sosososo much to the writing of jeremiah terminator and then had a whole crisis when j.t. was unmasked as a middle-aged woman with a metaphorical literary persona.
permissible bonus web-weaves: james frey a million little pieces and oprah, augusten burroughs and running with scissors. we're doing the 2000s obsession with author authenticity is-this-really-autobiographical-if-it's-not-literally-true-or-are-you-shaming-your-family-for-NOTHING questions and scandals. but we're especially doing the emo community freaking the fuck out about blorbo from their novels doing a catfish online to extend the persona just that much further.
the avril lavigne replacement conspiracy theory (linking the wiki even though what i'm REALLY thinking of here is this moving pandemic essay alexander chee my beloved posted that i can't locate now, riffing on themes of feeling like a ghost inhabiting your own life after a major trauma). they can work in some other famous body double / replacement and assassination conspiracies (paul is dead, jfk) too but avril is the main reference and this is a betty plot.
pull in some actual alexander chee images and motifs too maybe, his novels about csa grooming trauma and having complicated feelings about your intimate abusers via like grandiose opera/paris siege metaphors (the queen of the night) and fox demons (edinburgh) betty would eat, i fear, even if they're a step off her normal serial killer media mix. dark betty has the range <3
stephen king's the long walk / suzanne collins' the hunger games / battle royale / state-sponsored brutal murderous game show authority abuse dystopia media homage in general!! especially when it's homoerotic and full of ptsd and institutional abuse, because clearly this is a plot primarily for archie and the lads. imo the long walk ("how bad do you have to hate yourself to join the military" but it's game show horror) and the hunger games ("child stardom is traumatic institutional abuse especially in the era of social media and society simply pretends not to see it" but make it a ya game show adventure) should be the main references, but we could work the academic/art-competition angle of battle royale for kevin. as a treat. ok yeah and maybe work in that arnold schwarzenneger movie the running man too while we're here picking up interwoven motifs at the store. why not!
#riverdale#jughead jones#betty cooper#veronica lodge#archie andrews#jt leroy#laura albert#alexander chee#stephen king#suzanne collins#the thing about riverdale is that all of its best references are a few layers deep. that's the magic#i actually only just remembered that the sprouse twins were in that movie adaptation of the heart is deceitful above all things#that makes the jt leroy riff even more camp. damn. i wish riverdale...damn. damn!!#anyway betty maliciously gaslit into believing she's been replaced with a double. betty suspecting on her own. lili reinhart in a necktie!#stephen king military enlistment game show metaphor archie and the boys being homoerotic. hiram as president snow. idk i'm riffing here#also nobody asked but if i could pick any riverdale musical cover song i would pick harry nillsen's everybody's talkin from midnight cowboy#kevin could eat. veronica could eat. JOSIE WOULD EAT. and the thematically related scenes they could web weave...like. ahhhh#i guess midnight cowboy is my secret 4th movie riff desire. i feel like spiritually rvd was already there and it's jarchie btw
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#TAGS TLDR YOU CAN NEVER TRULY GO HOME BUT DO YOU WANT TO?#writing a little for d&d and having feelings about this#it was really interesting jasper and i were working on some game mechanics and we kept getting stuck at weird parts and it developed into#this conversation where we realized we experience the world#in such fundamentally different ways. like specifically talking about how paranoia#manifests and stuff but even later in a broader sense like our experiences of time and everything is so different#and they'd be like 'well what if this is something that happened to lock' and id be like 'how could that be something that anyone would#experience' and they were like 'oh because i do'#(example here was my character not realizing he had been magically transported and filling in the blank with vague memories of travel but i#was like. are you not acutely aware of every single moment you are awake and in motion even if it is excruciatingly boring. and jasper#was like. 'oh...no. i could be transported from one place to another and if time passed i wouldnt even think about having traveled or not'#which was WILD to me but then we were like 'okay i guess this cannot be something that happened to lock' because i couldnt even fathom that#but like anyway idk we got weirdly deep dive-y about d&d stuff and personal lives and i had big feelings on it bc genuinely i feel like#there are facets and caverns in myself i have only ever touched in storytelling but particularly in this campaign#and i've joked a lot about Lock and other chars in this game being self inserts#but i mean it in a good way#like the ways we tell stories or experience a world we created together is going to be through an extension of ourselves etc#but it's interesting to me to consider the limitations that brings yknow? we all live by such vastly different sets of rules and#understandings#and im writing out some stuff now and im like. yknow.#lock can never truly go home. i can never truly go home. none of us can ever truly go home#home as shifting impermanence home as transience etc#2017 levi is back apparently but hes always been right
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I watched an mdzs animatic with a song from wicked, and something in my mind finally clicked and now I want to scream about how similar my current and my past hyperfixations are.
"Good news, the witch is dead!" like
"No good deeds" is such a "character pushed to their limits" song. Imagine it before the nightless city. The first scream, as Wen Ning and Wen Qing walk away. The chanting as he lies there, unable to move, praying for them to be well. Memories of people he loves: Jiang Cheng and Jiang Yanli, Lan Zhan, the Wen siblings.
"Was I really seeking good, or just seeking attention?" -- as he looks at the burial mounds and leaves.
"If I cannot succeed, Fiero, saving you, I promise no good deed will I attempt to do again." -- as he learns about Wen Qing and Wen Ning's death.
Ending with him arriving at Nightless city and pulling out the flute.
I want to see it animated so much!
My skills are so annoyingly not up to the task. Maybe if my hyperfixation survives long enough that I learn drawing and animating things well? It'll be the third mdzs animatic I really wish to do one day. Maybe one day.
#mdzs#wicked#my tastes do never change. all my favourite stories seem to have “dark evil” characters that are actually good#I am obsessed with this okay#mdzs did what I love about such stories the best tho. it's perfection. i love it so much oh my god#wicked has the advantage of being a musical. tho I have 60+ mdzs animatics saved so by now I arguably consume it as a musical.#maybe one day I'll write a comprehensive list of all animatics I've ever came across#wicked also has a slight advantage of the word “witch” being used. it is a fun word that makes me feel thing#it was what I was called in school#because I was weird and autistic#and wasn't afraid of blood and drew weird runes and made weird rituals I called “magic” that were rumored to actually work#because one day a boy annoyed me. I made weird hand gestures. and he immediately got hit by snow falling from the roof#i swear like five people from my class confessed they were scared of me#and later my uni teacher. she confessed there were rumors going around among teachers about how scary and terrible a student I was#I still can't get over this it's so funny. imagine being this annoying and weird. it's hilarious.#so yep. my love to stories about characters the are deemed “evil” by the world runs very deep#I love them so so so much ahah#now I just need to learn drawing and do my love some justice
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transmasc rose tyler who isn’t out yet, maybe hasn’t even figured it out for himself, but the minute he absorbs the heart of the tardis and has his mind opened across all of time, he’s like oh yeah, right, of course i am. and while he’s disintegrating daleks and making jack immortal, he’s giving himself time vortex hrt.
#and then the entire incident gets wiped out of his memory directly afterwards so he wakes up boymode. the doctor explodes and becomes a#twink. and how exactly is he supposed to explain any of this to his mom??????#(he’s not upset about it though. and he’s telling himself thats because the doctor will put him back to how he was before so why should he#worry about being a boy rn. and definitely NOT because he’s enjoying this a lot and feels so at home in his own body suddenly. definitely#not that. (<- its definitely that. give him a minute the egg is still cracking)#i think jackie would be. awkward. about it. but not unsupportive? but just misunderstanding enough that it hurts a little. but trying.#if that makes sense. mickey sees rose. has to go back outside for a minute. has a three minute breakdown about his sexuality. takes a deep#breath and sucks it up and goes back inside. but he adjusts to it easier than jackie does. because that is still just rose at the end of the#day.#and the doctor. well. obviously the doctor is delighted <3#doctor 🤝 rose: magical timelord hrt nonsense#t4t tenrose so real to me#trans!rose#rose tyler
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I CAN'T BELIEVE MY SUKUNA/MIDORIKO HEADCANON IS REAL
#jjk#iy#jujutsu kaisen#inuyasha#for those who don't know/remember midoriko was a warrior priestess in the heian--same time as sukuna was alive and being evil#she was the strongest good guy alive and was only killed when hundreds of yokai merged and fought her for a week straight#the battle actually was ongoning for centuries bc she GRABBED BOTH THEIR SOULS FUSED THEM AND ROCKETED THEM OUT OF HER BODY#which made the shikon no tama a magic jewel that grants wishes and can make yokai super strong#so it's kinda like sukuna's fingers but more flexible and made of PURE SOUL JUICE#so you can see why i was like 'i want these two meet and be weird about it'#bestest priestess vs king of curses fight! no wait why are you yeARNING???????? -- LIKE IT HAS FUCKING LEGS OKAY#god you don't get it this is the most deep cut shit I've ever come up with but I FEEL SO VALIDATED#i'm HOWLING THIS IS SO FUCKING WILD
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i just need to be able to summon up a single feeling about harding. like the thing is i can sacrifice her because i kind of dgaf but that also makes it impossible for me to sacrifice her because i need it to play into my Narrative and i can't construct a Narrative with literally zero feelings about her. i'm sorry women. it's my fault i'm not doing enough
#she can't coast on being cute because bellara beats her in my mind by miles and ALSO grief trump card#veilguard spoilers#just have to live in the world where lucanis and dak-wai have the relationship i made up in my own head and he dies at tearstone.#which is some insanity inducing stuff. YOU'RE the grey warden YOU'RE supposed to die HE'S the assassin with no morals the abomination#you would sooner die than become. and he dies. he completes his contract like a crow should and he sacrifices himself to save the world in#the process. people won't let you die for them. if there's anyone you wouldn't expect to have died for you it's him AAH!!!!!#ha-neul playthrough save me. there IS an interesting angle there bc i think he does feel#um. quite bitter about her getting stone powers and there's an underlying Thing where he's lying about having been born a surfacer#and while he like. Is now. and certainly has no interest in being a noble caste scion the stone powers thing brings up a bone-deep envy#as a guy who has always been fascinated by magic as something he could never have access to. and that sparks some worse instincts. hm hm
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