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#Dead Friend Forever and this show have given me everything I need in the first epsiode
respectthepetty · 13 days
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JACK AND JOKER IS THE BEST FUCKING THING I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!
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THE FIRST EPISODE WAS GREAT, AMAZING, PHENOMENAL, FANTASTIC, A MOMENT, EVERYTHING I NEEDED IT TO BE, PLUS MORE!
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I have eight million things to say about it but I'm in my office playing a long con so I could get out of a meeting that was scheduled during the show's airing time, so I can't write anything yet, but when I do . . .
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AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
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jungkookschin · 4 months
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older part 3
think i need someone older, just a little bit colder, take the weight off your shoulders
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synopsis: your friends say you're delusional for thinking you have a chance with jungkook, your parents' friends' son, but you just can't seem to let him go.
alternatively, you break jungkook's heart and jungkook enlists in the army to get over you--- but he can't just fuck off from your life forever; your lives are infinitely intertwined
word count: 21k
pairing: older!jk x afab reader
genre: age gap au (seven years), childhood acquaintance au, fluff, comedy, angsty, outta pocket, alludes to sexual innuendoes, there is a mention of jungkook shooting someone lol, non explicit smut, mentions of sex
OLDER MASTERLIST
PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3
When it comes to you, Jungkook’s window of tolerance extends towards the sun and the stars, to Jupiter and Saturn, if you will. For you, he’ll willingly undertake deeds he won’t even entertain for anyone else. 
Anything for you. Whenever and wherever. 
He will, in fact, swoop in and rescue you from a 2AM party (like the Prince Charming he is), even if it means disrupting his beauty sleep because as much as likes your friends, he doesn’t trust them to take you home safely, especially when alcohol is involved. Scratch that, he doesn’t really trust anybody to take you home besides himself. Even with work the next day, the appeal of sleep drowns when you’re drunkenly texting him from some frat mansion at who knows where. 
Approximately 10% of his biweekly earnings are devoted to you, his princess. He would never utter these sentiments aloud, yet he embraces them willingly, indulging in gestures of affection reserved solely for you.
He’s not afraid to wipe your tears, stick his fingers into your nose, or to touch any bodily fluid (given that it comes from you),  because it’s you and his being simply isn’t capable of conjuring feelings of disgust when it’s you. 
He sees you and he loves you, but a man can only take so much. 
“What?” you ask quietly, breathless, like the wind’s been knocked from your lungs. 
Jungkook exhales deeply, straightening his posture as he runs his hands across his face. “Y/N. Get out of my apartment. I’m serious.”
You think that this is the first time in the history of the world Jungkook has straight up told you to leave. 
“Why?” 
“Why?” Jungkook repeats, “What do you mean, why? You ignored me for four months straight. Thanks for spending the night, but you need to leave.”
Jungkook, just a man though he may be, is simply incapable to resist when you show up at his doorstep in the dead of the night- and even if he welcomes you into his home for the last time, he simply isn’t able to welcome you back into his heart. How could he willingly allow you to reclaim his heart’s residence after he’s worked so hard to expel you from its throne? 
Your blatant disregard for his presence spoke volumes; you didn’t care for him nor did you respect him. Jungkook isn’t going to fold simply because he finds you beautiful and perfect and amazing and everything he’s ever wanted. 
“So that’s all I am to you? A quick fuck?”
All the empathy he harbors disperses from his being like a passing breeze, ephemeral and elusive. Evidently, you’ve crossed the line. 
Jungkook blinks at you, his expression unreadable, while you inwardly recoil, immediately regretting your words. Jungkook won’t even entertain the notion. He knows you know how much you mean to him, and quite frankly, he’s appalled that you’re blatantly weaponizing something as pure as his love. 
“Y/N, I’m not going to see my family in a year, and you came to my place and made it all about yourself. You need to go,” Jungkook’s voice is firm and low, and he looks right at you, disappointment reflected in his pupils. 
“I didn’t mean to make it about myself. I just wanted to see you,” You try so desperately hard to rationalize, but he’s right; you weren’t thinking about him, you were thinking about yourself. 
“And by doing that, you made it about yourself-” Jungkook rubs his face with his palms, “Y/N. I don’t want to fight. Just go home.”
He hears a gentle sniffle escape you, and it elicits a heavy sigh from Jungkook. It's like a tug at his heartstrings, but he’s already beyond frustrated, and at this point, he wants to be alone. 
“Jungkook, I-I love you,” you whisper, “I’m sorry. If I’m better by the time you come back, will you give me a chance?”
As you raise your head, tears cascading down your cheeks, Jungkook's heart clenches at the sight. Jungkook hates seeing you cry, and it makes his heart physically ache, but there will be no appeal to his emotions. 
“Y/N- I mean- did you think I was gonna wait forever? You can’t treat a man like that and expect them to wait around forever.”
“But we had sex,” you counter, “The way you fucked me- I know you still love me- so please. I’ll be better. I’ll be better for you. Please,” you beg. 
Jungkook exhales softly, leaning into the support of the wall behind him. He remains stoic, neither affirming nor refuting your observation. He offers no gesture of consolation, no attempt to dry your tears. 
“Go home.”
If he doesn't want you there, then you’ll leave. Clumsily, you stand up from the bed, picking your clothes up from the ground before haphazardly slipping into them, leaving yourself vulnerable under Jungkook’s gaze. 
He doesn’t walk you out. 
You open the door and slam it closed before he can let another word out. 
-
Jungkook has always been a constant presence in your life, like the warmth of the sun on a chilly morning.
He’s very aware of the image you have of him in your cute little head, and he does everything he can to fulfill that image for you. He’s well aware of your little prince charming fantasies revolving around him, and truly, truly does everything to be your Prince Charming. 
He’ll indulge you, always- to the extent where Mingyu and Taehyung constantly throw the term “sugar daddy” around- and of course Jungkook will roll his eyes, but he won’t deny it. 
Jungkook has dropped thousands on you. He’s a single man in his 20’s with way too much money, anyways. So what was he supposed to do? Let all his money sit in his 401K to ensure that he’s financially secure for retirement (🙄) or buy you an unnecessarily expensive designer dress and observe how your face lights up?
Obviously, he’ll choose the latter. 
Simultaneously, that doesn’t mean you don’t make him feel the same way. This is so corny, but you’re kind of like the rainbow after a storm, bringing color back to his otherworldly, gloomy world.  
Jungkook’s not perfect. Despite what you think, he’s far from perfect. 
About half a year ago, he thought he hit rock bottom. And when he hit rock bottom, all he needed was you to remedy his mood.
There was an issue at work where he was accused of leaking confidential information to a competitor. The accusations were baseless, but the damage to his reputation was significant. It felt like his entire world was crumbling around him. He faced scrutiny from his colleagues and doubt from his superiors. 
After an excruciating meeting with the company lawyers, he drove back to his mom’s place- his mood as dark as the night enveloping his luxury car. All he wanted was his mommy. He was a 25 year old grown ass man, but all he wanted was his mommy. 
As he bursts through the front doors, the familiar scent of his mother's cooking greets his nostrils, wrapping him in a sense of comfort and the feeling of home. He heads towards the kitchen, until he walks into something… 
You yelp, rubbing your hand over your forehead. 
“Oh shit,” Jungkook mumbles, “My bad, baby. Didn’t see you” Jungkook says apologetically, placing his hands on your shoulders to stabilize you. His eyes glaze over your frame, and he smiles. 
You’re in boyshorts and a tank top. Typically of you to treat his parents’ place like it was your own; you’re family anyways. 
Jungkook whizzes past you, setting his work backpack on the kitchen counter. You follow him back into the kitchen, attending to the steak being grilled on the stovetop. You whirl around to face him, a mischievous smile spreading across your lips. 
“You look… handsome,” you finally say. 
Jungkook stares incredulously at you before he bursts into a smile at your anticss. “Oh really? You like me in business formal?” You clasp your palms behind your back and shift your weight between your ankles. “Maybe?” you sheepishly respond, in your typical girlish nature. 
Jungkook bites back a laugh, looking at you smugly. “Where’s mom?” 
You shrug, “She’s probably with her second boyfriend,” you teasingly muse, lips pouted out before you turn around to perceive his reaction. 
Jungkook scoffs at you amusedly before standing up to walk towards you. You smile sheepishly at him, not backing down when he practically towers over you. He pinches your cheek affectionately. “You’re cute, baby,” he jokes, and it makes your heart clench- not in a good way- because he means you’re cute… like a literal infant baby or a puppy, not a woman. 
“Did my mom call you over?” he asks, rummaging through the fridge. 
You nod, “Mm-hmm. She said she had to go run some errands so she wanted me to make you dinner,” you motion towards the steak sizzling in its pan. “Rare, just how you like it! Ta-da!”
He gazes at you with an affectionate smile. “Thanks. Did you drive here or do I need to drop you off?”
You make a pssh sound with your lips, dismissing the notion with a wave,  “I’ve been driving for like two years,” you state matter-a-factly, throwing up a gyaru sign because why not, “I can drive home just fine.”
“Alright, yea,” Jungkook acquiesces, putting his hands up, “You’re all grown up- I get it, I get it.”
“Good,” you respond, plating his steak before handing it to him, “But Jungkook, why are you back home? You usually don’t come home on work nights.”
Jungkook settles at the dining table, before he looks at you and sighs. You tilt your head, very cognizant of his body language. You’re in love with him, of course you can read all his nonverbal cues. 
“Just some shit at work,” he explains, “Has me stressed out of my mind.”
You pout, approaching him before you wrap and arm around his shoulder. The moment feels oddly intimate- like he’s returned to his two-story, middle-class home to his wife cooking up a home-made dinner, her touch everything he needs to bring him down from a stressful day at work. He swears he can even hear the kids crying from upstairs. 
“Wanna talk about it?” you beckon with your sweet voice. 
“Just been accused of some shit,” he mumbles, “Some illegal shit,” he adds, and you rest your head on his shoulder, making him freeze slightly and his chest tighten. 
“Don’t worry,” you sweetly comfort, “The truth will always be revealed, and you’ll be cleared eventually. And besides, you’re young, rich, and hot. As long as you know who you are, you don’t need to worry about others.”
Jungkook’s brows furrow slightly before he relaxes his expression. What a juvenile, yet straightforward outlook on life. So simple, yet so… brilliant?
Jungkook knows that you’re more than capable of understanding the complex intricacies of the professional world, but he finds solace in its simplicity as a counterbalance to his excruciating overthinking. 
He sighs blissfully, turning towards you. “Give me a hug, baby. I need a hug.”
You nod sweetly and wrap your arms around him. “Of course. Call me any time if you want a hug.”
-
You coming on to him the night before enlistment was his last opportunity to indulge in you, and he’s only just a man-  a weak, weak man, so it’s simply in his nature to succumb to your allure. 
Jungkook is now bald, devoid of any hair. Gone with his hair is his sense of confidence. Staring   at his reflection, he runs a hand over his bald head, his mood becoming despondent. 
One hour ago, you slammed his front door, scurrying down the stairs with tears cascading down your cheeks. Jungkook doesn’t like seeing you cry; he hates seeing you cry- but it’s time to let go and live.
The most daunting aspect of dating with an age-gap is the maturity discrepancy. Like two ships sailing different seas, Jungkook has sailed through weathered storms while your sail catches the wind of youthful possibility. 
This discrepancy manifests through communication styles, lifestyle choices, and most importantly, love languages. 
You would never, ever do anything to hurt him purposely- but you did.
Nonetheless, what was Jungkook supposed to expect? Undeniably, he loves you with everything in him but was he supposed to expect you to handle things with the maturity of someone his age?
He should’ve known, and for that, he feels dumb. 
Feels dumb and like an idiot because you used to cartwheel in his room trying to get his attention. Feels dumb because when you were 11, he was already 18– like, what the fuck is that age gap? 
What was he supposed to expect? You lost both of your parents at the same time when you were 20 years old. You’re traumatized, you’re young, and he kinda feels like he took advantage of your juvenile feelings for him- but no, a love like his is pure, and he wants nothing but the best for you, which is why he’s going to let go. 
The wind from a slightly ajar window brushes, spreading the hair around the floor and suddenly glitter comes to mind. 
Glitter. Sparkles. Fairy Dust. 
When you were a senior in high school, Jungkook bought you a prom dress. Your bum ass boyfriend (or situationship- he doesn’t know. He wants to burn the memory of all men who you’ve been with before him) didn’t even want to go to prom with you, and Jungkook, as the great “mom’s friend’s son” he was, offered to buy you a dress- no budget. 
-
Jungkook dropped by your place to drop off some sticky rice, as instructed by his mother; he was a good and obedient son. He knew your parents were at Zumba, so he sent you a quick text in advance. You always responded to his texts immediately, promptly, instantly, right away, and without delay. 
You can only imagine Jungkook’s apprehension when it’s been thirty minutes and you still haven’t come to the door. 
Normally, Jungkook would have been annoyed to wait this long for you, but he’s actually concerned– because what if you were lying dead in a ditch somewhere? Okay, maybe he shouldn’t go to such extremes, but you were undeniably a gorgeous girl, recently 18, and he knew that so many men had their eyes on you. 
Not him, though. He was a gentleman. 
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Jungkook swings open the door of his car, swiftly walking towards your front door. On cue, the outer door swings open, and you’re standing apprehensively, struggling to unlock the screen door because the fucking lock always gets jammed. The lock just won’t budge and after a good second of trying, you bang your fist against the door, yelling a very non-intimidating “Fuck!”
Jungkook smiles, “Twist the door knob, then try the lock,” he gently instructs. You oblige, and the screen door swings open. 
“I’ll come back tomorrow to fix that,” he adds before walking towards your kitchen to place the sticky rice into the fridge. 
“Thanks,” you mumble, taking a seat at the dining table. 
Jungkook glances back at you from the fridge, “Why’d you cry?”
The question is asked with a subtle casualty, and that makes you want to actually go curl into a ditch and die. 
To Jungkook, it was painfully obvious. He’s known you since forever and has all your mannerisms ingrained into his mind like a tattoo. Usually, when you wake up, you’re quite lethargic, stumbling around with your eyes half cracked open- but right now, you’re cognizant as ever. 
Furthermore, when you cry, your eyes usually swell up- more so than the average person. After you cry, it’s like your eyes turned into little, red, puffy balls with slits for seeing.  And Jungkook had eyes, superb vision, actually, and he could clearly see that your eyes were in fact, swollen. 
“t’s nothing,” you mumble, “It’s stupid.”
Jungkook purses his lips, contemplating whether he should push further. Your big mouth keeps going before he can get a word out. 
“Well, if I tell you, promise not to judge me?” you ask, sticking out your pinky finger. 
Jungkook locks the promise in. “Never,” he breathes. 
“Well… it’s just… you know…”
Jungkook raises a brow. 
“I just… I hate my boobs.”
Jungkook blinks at you, and you blink at him. 
“You said you weren’t going to judge me!” 
Jungkook is absolutely flabbergasted. “I just- wait-” he pauses, putting his hands up, “What’s wrong with your boobs? They look normal to me.”
Your features contort into petulance, and you pout. Immediately, you rise, wiping the dust off your shorts before you divulge into the full story. Jungkook can only sit there and listen. 
 “Okay, listen. Let me start from the beginning,” you start, pacing around, “So I ordered two prom dresses,” you explain, making a peace sign with your hands. 
“And they looked so good on the models, but they look horrible on me! Because my boobs are so small and my body looks imbalanced! So I cried about it. I just wanted to feel pretty…. Do you think my parents will be mad at me if I get my tits done?”
Jungkook blinks at you. At the time, he hadn’t a clue of how to respond, but oh how he grew to love your boobs. In fact, he currently wishes that they were swinging in his face. 
“Y/N, don’t get a boob job,” is the first thing he says. 
What else could he say? He couldn’t tell you that he thinks your body is perfect, or that you’d look stunning in any dress you wear- he did not want to creep you out. “Lemme see you try the dresses,” he offers, “You’re probably in your head- it can’t be that bad.”
“I’m 18,” you counter, “It’s completely legal for me to get a boob job. I don’t even want D’s! I think I would be okay with B’s. In fact, all I need to do is sell a couple feet pictures and I’d have enough to finance my boob job-”
“Y/N. Just try on the dress.”
“Fine,” you huff, puffing up the stairs. 
A few moments later, you reappear, and Jungkook almost chokes on his own saliva. The dress you're wearing captures his attention entirely.  Its fabric shimmers under the kitchen light, a juxtaposition against the bland interior, cascading in gentle folds as it hugs your curves delicately. With each step, the skirt sways gently, whispering secrets of a night yet to unfold.
Gorgeous. Stunning. Most beautiful girl he’s ever seen, and he recalls the pang of guilt that washed over him, because you’re seven years younger, and it feels wrong, incongruous. 
Fortunately for him, Jungkook is great at hiding his emotions, so even a slightly suspicious clearing of the throat does nothing to phase you. 
You pause, blinking at him, and he blinks back at you. 
“I told you it was bad!-”
“Wait, no. Stop. It’s not bad…” Jungkook offers. 
You blink at each other again. 
“Oh, you fucking liar!” you scoff.
“What?” Jungkook retorts, features morphing into confusion, “Why would I lie? I always just say whatever I want to say.“
You groan, plopping onto the dining room table with your arms crossed. “You don’t know anything about prom dresses,” you mutter. 
This marked the first time Jungkook perceived you as a woman. He spent a year suppressing it all because of the guilt, but it became inevitable. It bubbled up and exploded; he couldn’t contain it anymore. 
“Well…” he started, every so carefully pulling his wallet from his pocket, using two fingers to take out his credit card, “Would it make you feel better if I bought you another one? One more suitable for… flatter chests?”
You gasped like you’d never breathed air before, jumping to your feet, “Really? Would you really do that?!”
Jungkook shrugged casually, did everything to mask his thunderous heartbeat banging in his chest, “Yea, why not? I have money.”
At that, you squealed, jumping on both feet before you absolutely enveloped him in a hug. 
Still staring at his reflection, Jungkook returns to Earth. You’re so childish and dumb, but he can’t help that he’s deeply enamored with you, and because of that, he’s going to go to the military and pretend like he never existed in the first place.  
-
In the first few weeks at the military, Jungkook finds the distance more excruciating than he had when you ignored him. He enlisted in the first place to get his mind off you, to learn to live without you, but you’re the only person on his mind. 
It certainly doesn’t help that he’s carrying a locket bearing your image, but he can’t bring himself to throw it out. He doesn’t even know why he has it in the first place, or why he had it custom made; he feels obsessive but whenever Jungkook’s on his last lap, his last pushup, or his last pullup, you’re the thought to propel him forward. 
The military barracks are cold, dusty, and lonely. Sometimes, he can’t sleep, and on those restless nights, he finds himself reaching for the locket. Staring at the image of you smiling back at him, it’s like a tangible reminder of something he can’t quite explain. 
He holds the locket in his hand, tracing the edges with its fingertips. He remembers your touch, your warmth, the way your hand fits perfectly in his.
True loser behavior. 
You ignored him for fucking months, didn’t care how he was doing, or if he were laying dead in a ditch, yet he still loves you, still clings onto you. If he didn’t enlist, he probably would’ve ran back to you the moment you showed up at his place. 
If anything, you’re not the type of girl who should be in a locket. You’re immature, childish, and rude, but he holds the locket close to his heart, because quite frankly, he hears how the men in the military speak about women, and he would never ever subject you to that. 
Some guys hang up cute pictures and polaroids of their girlfriends on the bunks, which would almost immediately be thrown into the trash because of the insane comments from the (obviously single) guys. 
Jungkook deems running as the most arduous drill in boot camp. 
Jungkook can do three or five miles easily, but twelve miles with gear on? Absolutely not. What makes it worse is when the other guys try to make small talk- wasn’t running excruciating enough?
Even on the eighth mile, Jungkook clutches the locket tightly in his grasp. The sensation burning in his abs is borderline excruciating, and he opens the locket to glimpse at your image 
James, the absolute deviant of the 8th squad, approaches Jungkook from the rear. “Who’s that, Jeon?” James asks. 
Jungkook squeezes his eyes shut; this is the last thing he wanted. He says nothing, slightly accelerating in speed.
As James draws nearer, his tone dripping with mockery, Jungkook's muscles tense with apprehension. 
"Come on, Jeon, spill it," James prods, a sly grin spreading across his face. "Who's the lucky lady in the locket?"
Jungkook's jaw clenches, his grip on the locket tightening. He knows the implications of revealing your identity in this environment, where vulnerability is exploited and secrets are ammunition.
"Just keep running," Jungkook retorts, his voice strained with suppressed frustration. Running 12 miles with 50 pounds of gear was already hell, why was he trying to pick a fight? 
But James persists, matching Jungkook's stride with unsettling ease. "Oh, come on, Jeon, don't be shy," he taunts, edging closer. "Is she the reason you're always off in your own world during training?"
A surge of anger pulses through Jungkook's veins, his resolve fraying under James's relentless scrutiny. He fights to keep his emotions in check, knowing that any sign of weakness could be exploited.
With a steely gaze, Jungkook halts abruptly, turning to face James with a glare. "Back off, James," he warns, his voice laced with a dangerous edge, before he returns to his usual stride. 
James's grin widens, sensing Jungkook's vulnerability. "Someone’s sensitive,” James teases, “Scared your girl’s with the mailman right now?”
Jungkook’s features harden, and he continues onto the ninth mile. His feet ache, and the mud is starting to seep into his socks. Jungkook opens his mouth to say something, but he’s cut off by Wooseok, who comes to his defense. 
Wooseok bumps shoulder with James from behind. “Chill, James. He’s got her in a locket. Better not mess with that.”
-
Jungkook hates to admit it, but James got to his head. 
Jungkook knows he’s the one who let you go, and that there’s no winning in this situation, but he’s selfish and the thought of you with another man makes him physically ill. Had it been any other girl, he would immediately lose interest the moment he discovered she was messing around with others- but the thought of you with someone else physically hurts. 
He doesn’t have much access to his phone, and there’s nothing to take his mind off it. 
There’s that taboo story about men in the military getting cheated on. It's a tale as old as time. 
The fear of infidelity hangs over these soldiers constantly- but you’re not even his girlfriend. 
So if you were to move on, there wouldn’t be a thing wrong with that. 
Isn’t that what he wanted? For you to find happiness with someone your own age? Someone you would love, not just be infatuated with. 
But fuck, why does it makes his heart swell? The thought of another man seeing you, feeling you, and touching you the way he has, the way he should be, makes him ill. 
-
You know you said you were going to change, and you’re really, really trying. It’s been one month since your last encounter with Jungkook and you think things are taking an upward trajectory. 
For one, you’ve started your internship with the local bank, and you’re making a lot of money (to your standards), definitely not a lot to someone like Jungkook, but it’s good enough for you. Since summer hit, you’ve retaken some of the classes you failed, and your GPA has now returned to the 3.0 range. 
However, that doesn’t mean that your obsession with Jungkook has dwindled in the slightest. You’re childish in a sense, and you’re kind of taking advantage of your relationship with his parents to see what he’s up to at all times. 
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You’re snooping over Jungkook’s mother’s shoulder like the nosy girl you are, and you scandalously gasp at Jungkook’s text. 
“Haha yea, Y/N looks pretty” is probably the most disingenuous thing he’s ever said about you.   
Like sure, whatever, he’s calling you pretty but he’s only saying it because his mom asked him whether he thinks you’re pretty in the first place. 
Your eyes continue skimming down the phone and you see something that makes your jaw drop to your ass
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Jungkook’s mother shuts her phone off and squeals. “Oh Y/N! I can’t wait for Jungkookie to get married! I want grandbabies already, she pouts. 
It’s like a punch to the gut. The thought of another girl walking down the aisle to marry Jungkook makes you sick to your stomach. It makes you so jealous you can’t fathom it. It's a visceral reaction, a knot tightening in your stomach as jealousy courses through your veins, clouding your thoughts and stirring emotions you never knew existed.
Every detail of the imagined scene plays out in your mind like a cruel movie reel, tormenting you with the painful reality of what could be. 
With a forced smile, you manage to utter, "That's great, Mrs. Jeon. I'm sure Jungkook will make a wonderful husband one day."
-
Jungkook’s friends, in fact, do not hate you.
Actually, they’re quite nice and understanding of the situation at hand. Maybe it’s the fact that you shoved meat down their throats before explaining how you actually felt, or because you were somewhat valid in your decision to not acknowledge Jungkook’s existence for four months. 
“He’s probably not mad at you,” Mingyu reasons, toying with the hem of his beanie before shoving a piece of beef into his mouth, “I don’t think he has the capacity to be angry at-”
Taehyung furrows his brows and Mingyu continues his sentiment, “at Y/N,” Mingyu clarifies, “He’d never be mad at Y/N.”
You sigh, using your chopsticks to flip some meat over, “He kicked me out of his apartment,” you express. 
“No,” Taehyung contests, “You chose to move out, didn’t you?”
You chew on your lip apprehensively, suddenly finding the need to rake your fingers through your hair, “Yea, but I spent the night before he enlisted and he kicked me out in the morning.”
Taehyung pauses, exchanging glances with Mingyu. “By spend the night, you mean…?”
“Yes, I mean,” you confirm, “I just don’t want him to hate me. I know I fucked up, but I would never do anything to hurt him on purpose. I mean- not to use it as an excuse- but my parents’ suddenly died in a fucking car accident? Am I supposed to be normal after that? I didn’t mean to hurt him, I just couldn’t at the time, and I’m not sure if I can, at all.”
Mingyu purses his lips, “I just think he- you know- was super heartbroken. Y/N, Jungkook really loves you, and by love I mean that you’re probably the only girl he will ever love. He probably just needed time to process everything too,” he says gently, reaching out to give your hand a brotherly squeeze. 
“You made him cry,” Taehyung asserts, and you pause. 
“Seriously?”
Taehyung’s lips form into a straight line and he shrugs, “You made him cry. Showed up at my place in the middle of the night drunk and in tears over you.”
At that, you sink into the leather seat. Cry? You’ve known Jungkook since you were born and you’ve never seen him cry before. 
You bang your head against the table- a little too hard- and you yelp in pain , clutching your forehead. Mingyu immediately whisks closer to you, gently removing your hand and scrutinizing the mark on your forehead. 
You’re suddenly reminded of something Soobin said to you a couple weeks ago. Something about Jungkook’s friends are just as brotherly as Jungkook, always going the extra mile to take care of you, and suddenly you feel bad. 
You groan, “Guys I’m sorry. I didn’t intend for things to get so messy. I’m sorry you have to deal with all of this- but I really care about Jungkook, I really do.”
Taehyung’s grumpy face finally relaxes, “We know you do, Y/N. No one is mad at you- trust me. But you have to make up your mind: do you want him or not? You can’t be wishy washy about this- Jungkook’s a lot older than you. He can’t waste his whole life waiting on you-”
“I want him,” you immediately declare, “I want him, and I’m ready to give everything to show that I love him.”
Mingyu smiles at you, “Well tell him that, not us.”
Your cheeks turn slightly pink. “Yea. I might.”
The rest of the night continues with ease. Mingyu and Taehyung ask you about school, give you professional advice for the future, and at the end of the night you reach over the table to give your card to the waitress, but Taehyung physically holds you back, and Mingyu gives his card to the waiter. 
You’re truly so loved.
-
Things change and people change. 
The first time Jungkook gets leave from the military is for the memorial service for your parents. 
You’ve put the memorial service off for about a year. As their only daughter and remaining heir of your parents, the decision of when and where to hold the memorial service rested solely with you. 
Yet, you just couldn’t bring yourself to go through with it, especially with Jungkook in the military. 
Like the blossoming of spring, a year has passed, and at 21, you've graduated college, content yet eager for new beginnings.
When Jungkook's mother called you, brimming with excitement, inviting you to join in picking him up from the enlistment site, you couldn't find it in your heart to decline. Even when Jungkook kicked you from his apartment, you and he both knew that you couldn’t just fuck off from his life entirely. 
Since birth, Jungkook has always been there. His parents, who are practically your aunt and uncle, have nurtured and cared for you since forever. You've shared in every significant milestone of his life, from graduations and birthdays, and when he gets married, you know you’ll be there, even if it tears you apart. 
Your lives would be forever intertwined.  
Had you changed since that night at his apartment? Kinda? Not really.  
You've moved out from the mansion shared with friends to your own space. With a “lucrative” five-figure job, late-night parties and raves are a thing of the past. You’re all for early morning runs and late night reading. 
With the anticipation of seeing Jungkook for the first time since that day, you find yourself more fixated on your outfit than you’ve ever been in your life. More so than prom, more so than Coachella, and more so than graduation. 
Jungkook has only ever seen you in hoodies and sweats, a crop top and ripped jeans, or the occasional mini bodycon dress- you don’t think he’s ever seen you in business casual. You wear a chic satin blouse with jeans and closed toed heels. 
Jungkook’s parents don’t really like to drive, so of course, you’re driving Jungkook’s Mercedes, (he so carefully left in the care of his parents), to the enlistment sight, which you’re sure he’ll be absolutely thrilled to see. He never let you drive his car out of the parking lot. 
As you slide into the driver’s seat of the car, a wave of anxiety washes over you. This is the first time you would see him in an entire year- the longest you’ve been apart. What would he look like? Does he still have feelings for you? Is he still upset with you? Has he completely forgotten about you? 
With a soft click, the engine hums to life, and you follow the GPS through the streets towards the enlistment sight. Jungkook’s parents sit in the back, occasionally passing you trail mix and bananas. 
You pull up to the enlistment sight, waiting anxiously with your arms crossed amongst the crowds of people. 
Jungkook emerges from the crowd in his military uniform, and your heart swells with pride and sorrow. He looks so handsome. He looks bigger, stronger, more rugged. You’ve seen celebrities and models in person before and they could never compare.  You step to the side as he greets his parents, and when he turns his head, he locks eyes with you. 
It’s like the world stops revolving. 
It’s been a year since you’ve seen him and he never ever fails to make you feel this way. He’s made you feel this way since you were 15 and the feeling never dissipated, only amplified.  
Butterflies erupt in your stomach, and you swallow. 
Jungkook doesn’t look at you in any type of way. His eyes scan over you and he sends you a genuine smile. “Hey Y/N,” he offers, opening his arms for a hug. You hug him from the side, reciprocating his polite smile. “Hi Jungkook. You look nice.”
“You look pretty,” he offers before turning towards his parents and casually taking the keys from your hand. 
“Should we go now?”
Jungkook drives all the way home, with you in the passenger seat. You don’t say much. You find yourself simply listening as Jungkook shares with his parents what life in the military is like.
It was expected from everyone that Jungkook would do well in the army. When he was 15 years old, a personal trainer told him that he’d bulk up in muscle from just lifting a spoon. 
After reaching home,  Jungkook’s parents suggest you show him around your new place, and neither of you really have a choice but to oblige. 
The moment Jungkook’s parents are dropped off at his place, an awkward silence absolutely encapsulates the inside of that Mercedes. You don’t say anything; you just lean your head on the window, looking outside the city where you and Jungkook have been for your entire life. 
Jungkook says nothing either, tapping his fingers against the drivers’ wheel. 
Finally, he speaks up. “Sorry I couldn’t make it to your graduation.”
“It’s fine,” you mumble in response, “You’re busy.”
“Yea.”
More silence overwhelms the car. 
“So what did you do with your parents’ house?” he asks, flickering his eyes towards you. You push yourself further against the seat. 
“AirBnb,” is all you can conjure. 
Your parents were loaded and left you with a plethora of assets. The house, for one, is your second stream of income. You locked off yours and your parents’ room, and cleaned up the rest of the house for it to be rented out.
“Smart,” he offers. 
“Thanks.”
He hums in response, tapping his fingers against the wheel. Instinctively, his hands reach towards the radio, turning the Bluetooth on, which of course is already connected to your phone. 
Everytime by Ariana Grande blares through the radio, making you temporarily freeze. 
I get weak and fall like a teenager
Why, oh, why does God keep bringing me back to you?
I get drunk, pretend that I’m over it
Self-destruct, show up like an idiot
Why, oh, why does God keep bringing me back to you? 
I go back to you, back to you, back to you
Back to you, back to you, back to you
I go back to you, back to you, back to you, every time
You’ve had enough. You turn the radio off and roll the window down, your head peeking through from the outside while you let the wind blow against your face. 
Jungkook doesn’t say anything either, just continues following the GPS to your apartment. 
-
After what seems like forever, he eventually reaches the security gate. "4832," you mention, prompting him to enter the number and which opens the security gate.
“It’s good you live in a gated community,” he comments, “it’s safer that way.”
“Yea,” you agree, not really sure what else 
You and Jungkook take the elevator to your place, and you punch the code in before letting Jungkook in. 
Jungkook thinks your place is so you. It smells sweet, like vanilla. There’s a white, fluffy couch in front of the TV with stacks of Rilakkuma plushies. Your kitchen is clean, well organized; he sees a heart shaped bowl in the middle of the dining room table. Framed photos adorn the shelves: some of you with your parents, your friends, and one with him and his family from Jungkook’s college graduation. 
You rub your palms on your jeans. “So, what do you think?”
“Nice,” he responds, “I’m proud of you.”
You purse your lips and nod. “Thanks… I have a room prepared for you– but is there anything you want to do tonight? Mingyu and Tae can come over, if you’d like.”
Jungkook toys with his lower lip before he tilts his head. It slightly bothers him that his friends have been over at yours, and that you mention it so casually- but of course, he doesn’t mention it. 
“No, it’s cool,” he responds, “You look tired. You had to drive a while to get me,” he offers. 
“No, no,” you shake your head, “It’s fine. Not a big deal…. You look strong.”
Jungkook smiles, “Yea. Military drills and stuff,” he rests a hand on the kitchen counter and leans against it. 
His eyes flicker towards you, looking you up and down. You gulp.
“I missed you,” you finally say, “... and I bought you something.”
Jungkook raises a brow, watching you daintily step into your room to pull out a small black box. You hand it to him, and he delicately opens it. A golden chain. 
“I don’t know,” you murmur, “I see lots of military guys wearing chains and I thought you’d like one too,” you offer, shifting your weight between your ankles. 
“Thanks,” Jungkook says, “Probably the first time you’ve ever gotten me a gift,” he jokes, to which you playfully roll your eyes. “I’ll wear it when I get back to camp.”
You nod, rising on your tippy toes a bit. “And I’m sorry. For last time… y’know.”
Jungkook's expression crumbles. He licks his lips, “It’s okay. I should have been more understanding. You were going through a lot,” he whispers. 
You nod. “I know. But I should have communicated more so I’m sorry. Just so you  know, I’m still…” 
What should you say? I’m still in love with you? I still think about you every day? I’m nothing without you?
Jungkook’s features soften, and you bite your lip. 
"I'm still... here," you murmur, the words carrying the weight of your emotions as you struggle to articulate the depth of your feelings.
Jungkook's expression softens, a gentle understanding dawning in his eyes as he nods in acknowledgment. “I’ll always be here too,” is all he says. 
Again, silence overwhelms the room.
 “Right… well, my head hurts a little so I’m going to lie down for a bit. Wake me up if you need anything.”
Jungkook tilts his head, approaching you before he presses the back of his palm against your forehead. “You’re burning up,” he murmurs, and you swat his hand away. 
“It’s fine. Just nervous about tomorrow,” you murmur. 
“I’ll call Yeonjun.”
-
You didn’t expect him to offer to take care of you, cater to your every whim. You really didn’t. 
However, straight-up leaving a moment later most definitely caught you off guard. Deep down, you had hoped for a gesture of consideration, like offering to pick up medicine from Walgreens or Walmart, or something. 
In that instant, memories flood back of how he cared for you after your parents died. He was so attentive, so sweet. He home cooked you breakfast, meal prepped lunch, and ordered you take out in the evening. You were so out of it, too weak to even function and Jungkook catered to everything you needed.
It’s almost ironic that he zoomed from your apartment the moment he discovered you were ill. You shrug. There's no need to dwell on it or feel upset. It was odd that his parents suggested he spend the night with you. He should be with his parents anyways. 
Even though you prepared a room for him, Jungkook goes back to his parents that night, and Yeonjun to yours. 
Yeonjun is one of your best friends in the entire world, really, so you’re sorry that you’re treating him like this. 
“Yeonjun, if we’re both single at 30, wanna get married?” You plead from the couch, your head resting on the arm and your feet dangling above the backseat. 
Yeonjun graces you with the most disgusted look you’ve ever seen in your life. Yet, he still drapes a blanket over your frame, placing a wet cloth on your forehead. He doesn’t even entertain the notion. 
“Maybe go back to Sunghoon. He’d seem desperate enough to give you another chance,” Yeonjun murmurs, resting on the opposing side of the couch with his arms crossed. 
You pout, before bursting into laughter. You roll from the couch and land on the floor with a thud. Yeonjun joins you, sitting criss-cross applesauce across from you. He wipes a stray hair from your cheek, a cup of Buldak seemingly materializing in his hands. Seriously. Where’d he get that from?
“Y/N, that man does not want you,” Yeonjun states matter-a-factly, his demeanor solemn, a juxtaposition to the goofy red sauce stained around his lips. 
And you can’t believe it, but you actually find it in you to giggle at that. Teetering back and forth from where you’re sitting, you sputter out a clumsy “Seems like I’m getting deja vu. How many times in your life have you told me that?”
“Millions,” Yeonjun shrugs, stuffing his face with ramen. 
“But you were wrong,” you muse, “I did have a chance with him. He said he was in love with me.”
“Yea,” Yeonjun agrees, before tilting his head, “but you fumbled.”
“I fumbled,” you concur.
“You traumatized that man. He does not want your musty ass,” Yeonjun teases, flicking your forehead with his vacant hand. 
“He does not want my musty ass,” you concur once again, a teasing smile spreading across your lips, before bursting into a fit of giggles. 
Observing you, Yeonjun cracks a smile. “I’m glad you’re not being a crybaby about it anymore,” he comments, “FIrst loves are first loves,” he shrugs, “They say your second love is actually your true first love because they make you realize you weren’t actually in love with your first love.”
“Maybe,” you add, staring up at the ceiling fan swirling in circles and circles and circles- and it makes you dizzy. You squeeze your eyes shut. “Who would that even be?,” you ponder aloud, “Sunghoon is cute, but he doesn’t like me anymore.”
“Well, you can ask them, because I invited them over,” Yeonjun adds, suddenly locking eyes with you. You take a moment to process what he just said. 
“What?-”
On cue, the doorbell rings, and Yeonjuns stands up, waltzing to get the door like he’s the owner of the damn apartment. 
You scramble to your feet as Yeonjun swings open the door with a swish. 
Heeseung and Sunghoon flood in, a teddy bear in Heeseung’s hands and a pot in Sunghoon’s. 
Heeseung looks you up and down, sticking the teddy bear in your face. “Heard you were sick,” he says plainly, soliciting you to just blink at him. 
Sunghoon scoffs from the side, “Yea Heeseung, just go add it to the stack of a hundred plushies she already has,” motioning towards your living room that indeed has a stack of Sanrio and Rilakkuma plushies in the corner. 
You snort, snatching the teddy bear from his grimy little fingers. “Thanks… asshole.”
Sunghoon rummages through the fridge, placing his little pot in and taking a box of apple juice out. “I brought you dumpling soup. Just put it on the stove when you’re ready,” he instructs. 
Heeseung joins Yeonjun in the living room, letting out a low whistle. “You have a pretty nice place, Y/N. Don’t miss living with us at all?”
You huff, stomping over towards Heeseung before pointing your finger in his face. “You slept with someone in my room!” you accuse, “No, I do not miss living with you!”
Heeseung puts his hands up, “Hey, I already apologized! That was in the past. I’m a born-again virgin now,” he continues. 
You blink, exchanging a glance with Yeonjun before returning your gaze to Heeseung. The words leave you speechless, leaving you with nothing to say in response.
Nonetheless, you bend down to give him a hug, maneuvering to lie down on his thigh while you stare at the ceiling. “I have a fever guys,” you mumble, “Can’t have our entire university here bothering me and shit,” you joke, swatting their air like the boys are a bunch of pesky flies. 
“Please,” Heeseung teases, “You’ll start crying the moment we leave.”
“Maybe,” slips from your mouth, and you run your hands over your face. 
“What happened with Jungkook?” Sunghoon adds, a cup of Buldak ramen somehow also materializing in his hands. These boys are really raiding your ramen stash. 
“Y/N fumbled,” Yeonjun answers for you, absentmindedly scrolling through his phone. 
Heeseung puts a hand on your forehead. “Holy shit Y/N! You really are burning up… are fevers contagious?”
“How gentlemanly of you,” you murmur. 
“Wait, let me feel,” Sunghoon intervenes, pressing one hand against your forehead and the other against his. He gauges it for a moment. At that moment, you do recall that Sunghoon’s dad is a doctor, and he might have some magical prognosis for the situation at hand. 
“Yea, you have a fever,” Sunghoon confirms. 
You and Heeseung roll your eyes in unison. 
“But what happened with Jungkook?” Sunghoon questions, settling back into his spot on the floor. 
“I fumbled,” you respond, using Yeonjun’s words exactly. “But it’s fine. It’s whatever. I have a memorial service to worry about tomorrow,” you mutter. 
At that, a solemn silence washes over the room. It doesn’t make you feel any type of way. You wouldn’t know what to say to a girl who lost both of her parents either. 
“You also fumbled Sunghoon,” Heeseung jokes, immediately easing the atmosphere and eliciting an Oh c’mon from Sunghoon and laughter from you and Yeonjun. 
Genuinely, you found that funny. 
You feel complete and content. 
-
Throughout the night, the three boys took turns tending to you, diligently replacing the ice pack on your forehead. It was crucial for your fever to break, knowing that the following day was your parents’ memorial service (the reason why Jungkook is even back in town). Yeonjun, Heeseung, and Sunghoon ran home to change into proper attire, promising you that they’d get back to you as soon as possible. 
Drifting in, adorned in a long black skirt and a matching blouse, a black ribbon delicately tied into your hair in a half-up, half-down style, you arrive at the memorial service site several hours ahead of schedule- to grant yourself the necessary time for mental preparation and to ensure the arrangements have been made. 
Sitting alone in the parking lot, the floodgates of your own emotions explode, and you drown in your own feelings. Since Jungkook's enlistment, you've buried yourself in work- barely finding time to arrange everything for the upcoming service. 
You realize you haven’t even taken a moment to process how you truly feel about everything. 
You’re only 21 years old. This fucking sucks. 
You ache for the warmth of your parents' embrace, desperately missing the solace only your mother could provide. In moments like these,  you find yourself longing for her gentle hug, her soothing words, and her infinite love. 
You feel tears well in your waterline, and you immediately wipe them with your sleeve. 
You had to be strong for your parents. 
They never liked seeing you cry, always told you to be strong.
With a deep inhale, you swing open the door and stride into the memorial service center, ready to attend to the necessary preparations.
The moment you step into the building, your eyes lock onto Jungkook. 
Adorned in a somber black suit with his hands tucked into his pockets, he paces anxiously, his presence immediately drawing your attention.
This isn’t the time; it really isn’t, but he’s perfect. He’s so handsome, even without his hair, even when he doesn’t talk to you, even when you don’t see him. 
When he senses your presence, he immediately turns towards you. 
“Y/N.”
“Jungkook. Thanks for being here,” you say, pulling him in for another side hug. 
“Yea, of course,” he mumbles, “You feeling better?” 
You nod, “Yea ‘m good. My fever broke…  did the guy say anything?” ou inquire, swiftly diverting the conversation. 
Jungkook appears slightly taken aback, but he responds, "Yeah. Good. They have everything set up. They just need the portrait of Auntie and Uncle."
Dangling your keys in front of him, you continue, "They're in the trunk. Can you get them? I have to- I have to use the restroom." Jungkook studies your face for a moment before nodding in understanding. "Yeah, totally."
"Thanks," you mumble before darting into the restroom.
Obviously, you’re on the verge of tears and he could palpably feel and see that. Once inside the stall, the floodgates burst open. The despondency of everything absolutely devours you and you feel so pitiful, so sad that you’re in this situation, and that your parents are gone– forever.
 Your parents are gone. You think Jungkook is gone. You have nobody. You’re alone. The family that you grew up with… it would never be the same. 
After a moment of letting your emotions flow, you take a deep breath and wipe your eyes. You had anticipated this moment, knowing that you would inevitably end up crying like a little baby, so you had opted for a bare face today.
You leave the restroom, hanging your head, and when you look up, you lock eyes with Jungkook. 
With furrowed brows, his eyes sweep over your puffy ones, noticing the glossy scleras and the tears welling up once again. Staring at him, you feel pathetic, and you let out a quiet sob before burying your face into your hands. 
And suddenly, you feel him. 
Like the comfort of the gentle breeze on a Spring day, Jungkook envelops you with his strong arms, and suddenly everything’s okay. He holds you and it’s reminiscent of all the times he’s cared for you, doted on you, and expressed his love for you. He soothingly runs his hand up and down your back, pressing you against the wall and away from the eyes of bystanders. 
You remain still, sniffling and drying your eyes, overwhelmed before pulling away. Jungkook runs a hand over your hair, eyes glazing over your face. He doesn’t say anything, and he doesn’t need to. 
The way he looks at you is enough. It’ll be okay. Everything will be okay. 
The beauty of your relationship with Jungkook is that in itself. It would be alright. Everything would be alright so long as he’s there- even just as a friend. 
To love someone is to love from afar. To love someone is to love without reciprocation. You love Jungkook and he loves you. Some people are so filled with hatred and resentment- the ability to even love after all you’ve been through is astounding in itself.
Your love for Jungkook is a powerful thing.  It would carry you far, and to simply possess the ability to love is far more significant than being in a relationship with him. 
“Y/N!” On cue, Yeonjun makes his appearance in the lobby, tilting his head when he sees you and Jungkook standing closely together by the hallway. 
Jungkook motions towards Yeonjun, and you nod, not before you stand on your tiptoes to give him another hug– not a side hug, but a real hug. “Thank you,” you whisper against his neck before you skip towards Yeonjun and your other friends. 
-
The memorial service begins and ends with reverence. 
Surrounded by your family and friends, you begin to feel overwhelmed by your sense of community. 
The service room is reminiscent of that of a church. You sit on the front row, Yeonjun on one side and Yunjin on the other. Both of them are holding each of your hands as you listen to your maternal aunt tell stories of your parents from their youth.
Through her words, you get a glimpse of your parents in their youth– just two kids stupid in love, youthful, lively, and brimming with aspirations. It gives you peace that they were able to live their dreams out before they died- one of those dreams being seeing you graduate high school. It’s a shame they weren’t present at your college graduation. 
After listening to your aunt, your grandma, and Jungkook’s mom. Jungkook is next. You didn’t know he’d be talking, but his mom let you know that he had something prepared.
He saunters towards the front from the second row, hands in his pockets, before he clears his throat, taking a piece of paper from his pocket, coughing against his closed fist before he speaks up. 
“Auntie ___ and Uncle ___ were the most selfless people I know. When my mother couldn't join me for Mother's Day lunch at school, Auntie __ stepped in. As I learned to ride a bike, it was Uncle ___ who stayed outside with me for hours, patiently assisting me as I struggled to find my balance,” he starts, meeting your eyes before looking back into the general audience. 
“Auntie and Uncle were filled with so much love and trust. They embraced a more liberal parenting style, trusting in the inherent kindness of the world to play a role in shaping their daughter's character.”
It’s funny, because as he’s speaking about you, he can’t bring himself to meet your eyes. “They exposed her to life's various facets, both its joys and challenges, instilling in her a deep understanding of the world's complexities. And their approach paid off. They leave behind a daughter, one of the most compassionate and beautiful souls who embodies traits of independence, strength, and intelligence.”
Your heart clenches, and you raise your lashes, hanging onto his every word. You can feel your  heart beating against your chest. 
“To honor their legacy, let’s approach the world with less caution and more trust. Embrace the goodness of the world and live happily, just like Auntie ___ and Uncle ___ did. Thank you.”
Jungkook still doesn’t meet your eyes as he returns to his seat, but yours follows his all the way to his seat.
-
Right after the memorial service, Jungkook catches you off guard. He strides over, giving you a hug– a full hug– before whispering in your ear, the baritone of his voice causing goosebumps  to erect on your skin. “I have to go now, but stay safe. I’ll see you when I get back.”
You look up at him, nodding. “Yea. See you.”
He doesn’t say anything else, walking towards his parents and taking the keys to his own car before he leaves. All your friends watch Jungkook just as intently, but nobody says anything. You don’t talk about Jungkook much with your friends anymore. There’s not really a reason to. 
And just like that, you don’t see Jungkook for another six months. 
-
The next time you see Jungkook is when he comes home from the military. 
This time, you aren’t able to join his parents to pick him up, and it’s not because you’re avoiding him, but because you have an important meeting at work– a meeting that you just can’t wiggle your way out of. 
Apparently, the higher ups are announcing something– something so important that apparently they need the entire company present…. And why couldn’t have this just been an email?
As the hours tick by, you sit in your cubicle, completing an analysis of consumer behavior for a client. Work isn’t particularly exciting nor is it a bore. You currently work in consulting, specializing in data analysis to help clients make decisions for their businesses.
At 4PM, an hour before everybody goes home, the higher ups gather everyone into the auditorium. 
You sit next to Mary, one of the colleagues on your team, about 50 years old, who taps you on the shoulder and whispers. “My oh my, if they wanted to kill us all, this would be the perfect time to drop a bomb,” she jokes, which makes you smile. 
That was a cute comment. You place your hand over hers. “Well, at least we’d go out together, right? HR won’t have to spend any more on those team building exercises,” you joke with a gag, prompting Mary to roll her eyes. 
The tension in the room is palpable as the CEO takes the stage and clears their throat, prompting everyone’s attention.
"Good afternoon, everyone. I'm pleased to announce that after months of negotiations, we have finalized a merger agreement with HYBE Korea," the CEO declares, gesturing towards the screen where the company logo appears.
“This means that some of the departments will be relocating to HYBE," the CEO announces, his voice projecting as he gestures towards the screen displaying the company's new logo. "HYBE is investing in a new building equipped with state-of-the-art facilities, providing us with an exciting opportunity to expand our operations."
You pause, and that’s when the realization sinks in. 
Jungkook works for HYBE. 
"In celebration of this milestone, we will be hosting a party next month to commemorate the merger. More details will be sent through email.” the CEO continues, his words met with a ripple of applause and relieved smiles from the crowd. "It will be an opportunity for us to come together as a unified team and celebrate the bright future that lies ahead."
Mary’s saying something to you but you’re not even processing it, trying to understand the implications of the merger. 
There’s no way you’d be working with Jungkook– imagine the odds of that. But, what if? 
He gets back today and everything feels surreal. 
-
After you get back to your car, Jungkook’s mother calls you, excitedly urging you to drive over to her place to celebrate Jungkook’s return from the military. You tell her that of course you’ll be there before you start driving down the oh so familiar streets to Jungkook’s child home. 
Upon pulling up, you see a familiar face. 
Rolling down the window, you call out his name, “Tae!!”
Taehyung, who is in the midst of walking towards the front door, whips his head towards your voice. “Y/N, hey!”
He waits for you to park, you clumsily grabbing onto your purse so you can meet him at the front. 
“I missed you,” you say. 
“I missed you too. Text me more,” he responds before scanning you up and down, “You look… fancy,” Taehyung comments to which you sigh playfully. 
“You know, I chose to waste my life away as a corporate slave,” you muse, giving him a hug. 
“Just like your boyfriend,” Taehyung jokes, making an obvious reference to Jungkook. 
“Oh shut up,” you sigh, swatting his bicep, allowing him to open the door for you. 
The moment you walk in, Jungkook’s mother squeals like she’s never seen you in her life. “Omo, omo, omo! Y/N is here everyone!” she announces excitedly, scurrying over to you, immediately latching onto your bicep to pull you towards the crowd, “Y/N is here! Y/N is here!”
Jungkook is standing by the dining table, surrounded by his aunts, uncles, and cousins. He lifts his head to meet eyes with you, offering you a gentle smile. The way he looks at you, smiles at you– it’s just, it makes your heart swell. 
Every time you see him, it’s like time slows down. 
You can imagine waking up this smile every morning, rolling over to find his handsome face gazing softly at you to- 
Wait. Have you lost your mind?
And at that moment, you’re tackled to the ground by Jungkook’s six year old cousin, Jacob. If Jungkook is no longer in love with you, the only solace you have is the affection of his six year old cousin. 
He grabs your face with both palms, causing your lips to pucker as he pouts at you. “Why didn’t you say hi to me?” 
You gently grab his face and ruffle hush air. “Sowwy, Jacob. You’re too little I didn’t see you,” you reason to which Jacob, for some reason, becomes angry at. 
He rolls over onto the ground, just to get up and stomp away. “I am not little!” he declares, stomping up the stairs. You can hear the door slam and you exchange bewildered glances with Jacob’s mother, who shakes her head. 
“He's just going through a bit of a phase," she reassures you with a smile, before turning to follow Jacob upstairs. You lock eyes with Jungkook, who gives you a subtle smile. 
The Jeon family is filled with drama queens. 
Jungkook closes the distance between you. “Hey.”
You feel your heart skip a beat. 
He’s as handsome as ever. Just like he’s always been. 
“Hey, welcome back,” you sheepishly express, standing on your tiptoes to give him a hug. 
He hugs you– like, really hugs you. Both of his strong arms snake around your waist, holding you against him securely. It leaves you weak in the knees. It’s a little too intimate for a casual, welcome back hug, but you haven’t a problem with it. 
He pulls back, and all you can do is stare at him. You’re mesmerized. Again, he always makes you feel like this. This feeling will never dissipate. 
“Did you just get back from work?” 
You come back to Earth, pulled from your entrancement. 
“Yea, I did…” You scan him up and down. He’s wearing something casual– a black T-shirt and black shorts, but his physique still looks perfect and he still looks perfect. Without thinking, you speak, “Did you happen to hear about the- no, nevermind.”
Jungkook tilts his head with a slightly teasing expression, “No, say it,” he urges
“The merger.”
“Merger?”
You say it in unison, and you bite a smile back. 
Jungkook’s mom automatically intervenes, “Omo! Omo!” she exclaims, “A merger? What merger?”
“Y/N’s company and my company are merging,” Jungkook simply answers, looking at you to raise his brows. 
“Omo!” she exclaims again, almost theatrically falling to her knees, “Does this mean that you two will be working together?” she asks, motioning towards you and Jungkook, to which you sheepishly shake your head. 
“Probably not,” you dismiss, “I don’t even know if my department is relocating to the new facility.”
“Oh, I hope you do!” Jungkook’s mother pouts, “That would be absolutely perfect! It would be great if he could watch over you at work,” she reasons, before addressing the entire family, “Y/N is very pretty and gets hits on a lot,” she explains, making you squeeze your features in embarrassment. 
All of Jungkook’s older family members murmur in agreement– and you appreciate the hype, you really do, but it’s embarrassing, especially in front of the entire family. You place a hand on Jungkook’s mother’s shoulder. “Excuse me for a moment, I’m going to use the restroom,” you whisper, to which she gives you two big thumbs ups. 
On your way to the restroom, you stop in your tracks. None other than Yeonjun, the ANTAGONIST, steps out, swatting the air like he’d just taken a nasty shit. 
You blink at him and he blinks at you. 
“What the fuck are you doing here?” you deadpan. 
Yeonjun shrugs, “Jungkook’s aunt invited me. She thinks I’m a cutie pie.”
“Okay,” you roll your eyes, walking past him to inconspicuously drag him with you into the restroom. 
You throw him onto the toilet seat, looking into the mirror to touch up your makeup. 
“Y/N, this looks suspicious,” Yeonjun deadpans, watching you reapply your lip gloss and comb through your eyebrows. 
At that, you drop your hand from your face. “Oh shit, that’s true,” you gasp, a hand coming over your mouth. 
For the past– like– two years, Jungkook’s family has been under the impression that you and Yeonjun are dating. That notion couldn’t be farther from the truth. 
You inhale sharply, turning towards Yeonjun, “You leave first and then I’ll follow.”
Yeonjun raises an eyebrow, a hint of amusement flickering in his eyes. "Sure thing, Y/N. Just pray that nobody’s waiting outside," he says with a mocking smile before slipping out of the restroom.
And of course, Jungkook’s mother was right outside the door. She shrieks. 
-
Every single one of Jungkook’s aunts and uncles met you when you were just an itty-bitty baby.   
Occasionally, you keep in touch with the aunts and uncles– not nearly as much as you do with Jungkook’s parents, but goodness, are you thankful for your connections to the Jeon family because you find out that Jungkook’s uncle won the lottery. 
The literal lottery– and he bought a yacht, a yacht that he suggests to all the “kids” (a bunch of 20-something year olds, pushing 30) to go on a little cruise in celebration of Jungkook’s return. 
You really wouldn’t be yourself if you didn’t rush home to get your bikini and sunscreen, and of course, you dragged Yeonjun along with you. 
The yacht, even under the night sky, is the fanciest, most luxurious thing you've ever laid eyes on. Its lights twinkle like stars, casting a gentle glow on the water. It's like a dream come true, a magical oasis on the dark sea. 
This is so cute, so summer. 
With your towel laid against the deck, you’re lying on the deck like you’re suntanning, which isn’t possible because it’s the moon’s light that shines down on you, but at least it makes you feel like a magical moon fairy. 
“Get the angles right!” you bark to which Yeonjun rolls his eyes to the back of his head and groans. 
With your forearm resting against the deck, you hold your body up sideways, all your assets on display. With your knees touching, your hip touches the deck, and your other arm goes up in the air, and you’re waving it around like a little mermaid. 
In a sense, you’re posing to get a cute Instagram pic– but also because you know Jungkook might be watching from the upper deck. He’s probably drinking with his friends, not even batting a lash nor caring about you, but you like to delude yourself into thinking that he could be checking you out from a distance. 
“Y/N, I took like 300,” he deadpans, dismissing your complaints with a wave, “Take some for me now,” he instructs, standing up to hand you his phone, “I’m cuter than you so they better look better than yours.”
“Yea, yea. Whatever,” you muse, going along with the bit, holding up your phone to get all the good angles for your forever bestie. 
-
Mingyu, Taehyung, Jimin, and Jungkook sit on the upper deck, staring at the night sky with bottles of Soju in their hands. Like you and Yeonjun, they’re in their swim trunks, though no one is entirely certain they want to go for a swim in the chilly  water. 
Unbeknownst to you, the four men have a clear view of you from the upper deck.
The flash of the phone camera flickers comically, occasionally lighting up the mens’ faces as they all try to avoid looking at you– out of chivalry, of course. 
Taehyung is particularly amusing, maintaining his expression of stoicism as he stares directly into the moon, taking an occasional sip of Soju. 
At that moment, Jungkook knows that he chose the right friends because he himself can’t seem to rip his eyes from you. You’re beautiful; that is absolute, without a doubt– but something has changed– maybe it’s the angle that the cool breeze hits his face or the alcohol making him feel soothingly warm on the inside. 
Jungkook sees it in your mannerisms, the way you poise yourself, the way you walk, the way you talk. You were gorgeous before, and he was insane about you before, but damn– you’ve become such a woman. 
He knows what it is, but he’d be a dick to patronize you for it, to act like he’s proud of you for becoming more confident. Undoubtedly, you’ve developed a more profound sense of confidence and it makes Jungkook swell with pride because he remembers how you’ve agonized over your body, complaining about your boobs, your weight, your waist, when in reality everything was and is perfect. 
You’re as beautiful as a Victoria’s Secret model, as ethereal as the goddess of beauty, and Jungkook’s just happy to see that you’ve embraced it. 
You yourself would agree with the sentiment; it wasn’t until your 20’s that you grasped how utterly gorgeous you are, and how to embrace your beauty, make yourself look good and like you, not just like every other girl on Instagram. 
Jimin clears his throat, “So.. now that you’re back, are you and Y/N going to…”
Jungkook lifts his head and looks at Jimin. He shakes his head. It’s firm and absolute. “No, it’s better for us to be friends.”
Mingyu raises a brow, “You can’t take your eyes off her.”
“It doesn’t matter,” he rationalizes, “People can like each other and still be incompatible.”
“Incompatible?” Taehyung repeats, a twinge of confrontation in his voice, “If I had a girl like Y/N in my life I’d propose immediately.”
Jungkook stares into the moon, “I need a cigarette-”
“Okay, what is wrong with you?” Jimin challenges, rising to his feet, “Y/N is right there,” Jimin whisper-yells, motioning towards the lower deck, “You clearly still feel something for her, so do something about it. I mean- how would you feel if someone– not me… I don’t know. How would you feel if Mingyu hit on her right now? And they started dating?’
“Why me?-”
“That would be inappropriate,” Jungkook retorts, “Y/N can date whoever she wants, just not you guys.”
“Then what about Yeonjun?” Taehyung intervenes calmly, “Yeonjun’s a good kid. She brings him to all your family events. They’re cute together, huh?” Taehyung motions towards the lower deck, where you and Yeonjun are laying on your sides facing each other, animatedly discussing something probably stupid, like penguins. 
He notices the skinship, how your hand is casually thrown around Yeonjun’s waist, and how you occasionally swat at his shoulder whenever he says something a little too egregious. 
No, it doesn’t bother Jungkook. 
Jungkook actually likes that you have male friends, that you can maintain friendships with the opposite gender without it having to mean more. 
It means that he can trust you, and that he can trust your friends to take care of you. 
But what trust is at stake here? It’s not like you’re his girlfriend nor should he worry about who’s taking care of you or not taking care of you. Furthermore, it really isn’t his place to feel betrayed, like you cheated on him, by the prospect of you actually forming a relationship with Yeonjun–. 
“See? You look hurt as fuck,” Taehyung affirms.
“I’m not hurt-”
“Get your shit together, and get your girl. Y/N’s not perfect, but she could be perfect for you,” Taehyung shrugs at his corny play of words, earning a playful shoulder nudge from Mingyu. 
“Aye, that was a good one.”
On cue, he hears two inconspicuous splashes into the ocean, your squeals echoing across the atmosphere. 
“Tag, you’re it!”
“Bitch! You just kicked my balls!”
“I said tag, you’re it!”
But wait, isn’t it a little too dark to be swimming this late?
-
When it comes to you it’s like Jungkook’s protective instinct never dies. 
Descending the stairs to the lower deck, he watches Yeonjun as he climbs onto the deck. “Y/N, you need to stop kicking my nuts! Holy shit!”
“I said sorry!” you retort, “I didn’t know!”
Yeonjun grumbles something indistinctive before picking a towel up to  roughly dry his hair, disappearing into the restroom. 
“Y/N, it isn’t safe to swim alone at night,” Jungkook mumbles. He takes a seat on the lower deck, his feet submerged under the water. The water is icy cold, and he can’t conceive how you’re not shivering. He’s not being patronizing. He’s simply worried for your safety. 
You swim towards him, hands latching around his ankles to stabilize yourself beneath the water. 
It’s the casual skinship between you two. The way his hand lingered on your shoulder when he told you his uncle bought a yacht. It’s the way he can casually wipe food from your mouth with his bare hands without batting a lash. It’s the way your fingers trail up his legs so you can place your forearms against his thighs, resting your head on them. 
“Then… why don’t you come join me..?” 
Jungkook really doesn’t want to. The water is cold, the weather is cold, and he’s very much comfortable on the warm yacht. 
….
Jungkook submerges himself under the water, coming up before flicking his head back to rid the water from his eyes. 
“It’s cold as fuck, Y/N,” Jungkook mutters, body temperature still adjusting to the chilly water.
He freezes when your fingertips brush against his. abs— perhaps accidentally, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t make him feel any less electrified.
“That’s why it’s good to have more than one person in here,” you rationalize, “More body heat.”
You’re treading against the water, and not doing a great job at it- your head bobs with the motion of the waves, and you find yourself sputtering the water out of your mouth as you speak.
Jungkook wipes his face haphazardly with his left hand before he reaches out to stabilize you, holding onto your bicep. 
It makes your heart skip a beat. So big and strong. You can smell the shampoo on his wet hair, and it makes you dizzy because not only does he always look good, he always smells good. 
Your eyes trail from his bicep to his shoulder, neck, and finally, to his eyes. He’s already looking at you, the warmth of his gaze making you feel so secure and safe. 
You know he wants you. There’s no way he can look at you like this and not want you. 
It hasn’t even been a day since he’s returned from the military and he looks at you the same way he looked at you from the night before he left: with love. 
Your eyes flicker down to his lips, his pretty lips. He’s so pretty. You close the distance, wrapping your arms around his neck to stabilize you further, and you draw your lips to his- 
Until he turns his head.
Still, his hands grab your waist, holding you close to him against the water, but he looks into the ocean, 90 degrees from you, refusing to look at you or meet your eyes. 
“It’s cold, we should get out. I don’t want to get sick,” he suggests.
“Yea, okay,” you sheepishly agree, allowing him to hoist you onto the lower deck before following in your stead.
He throws you a vacant towel, “You alright?”
Catching it with a single hand,  you use it to pat yourself dry, composing yourself before you stare at him. 
“I’m fine.”
-
That night, Jungkook’s mother suggests you spend the night at her house, or that Jungkook drive you home given how late it is. 
Instead, you sneak out of the house and drive home, far too embarrassed to be around Jungkook let alone look him in the eye. 
That was so humiliating. You think about how you behaved while you were staying with him after your parents’ death. You exposed yourself to him in the shower and begged him to join you. What the hell were you even thinking? Should you just drive your car off this cliff?
When you pull into your apartment complex’s parking lot, you keep banging your head against the steering wheel in hopes that maybe you’d wake up and realize that tonight was just an embarrassing dream. 
Well, unfortunately it wasn’t a dream, because later that night Jungkook shows up at your door with your wallet in his hand. You answer the door in a loose T-shirt, boyshorts, and a Snorlax plush headband on your head with a gray face mask. 
“My mom told me to give this back to you.”
You take the wallet, “Thanks.”
You stand there for a moment, staring at him. 
He looks at you, pursing his lips before he places a hand on your shoulder. “Hey, I’ll always care about you, alright?”
You nod, fidgeting with the charm of your necklace, “I know.”
“Good. I’ll be going, then,” Jungkook announces. 
“Alright, drive safely,” you respond. 
With a brief nod, Jungkook moves to shut the door and depart, and for some reason you just can’t bear to see him go so your hands instinctively reach for him, latching around his wrist. 
Jungkook raises his eyebrows at you, and you almost yank your hand from him immediately. 
“It’s nothing,” you express, biting your lip. 
“Alright then, I’ll see you.”
“Good night.”
The moment he leaves, you scold yourself for being so emboldened. Weren’t you embarrassed enough? You open your fridge, pouring yourself a glass of champagne, before you pace around your apartment, your champagne swishing in your glass while you find yourself in deep contemplation.
Jungkook’s back. 
Everything you’ve ever wanted is back, in front of you. 
You hurt him, and apparently you made him cry, well- that was all in the past, anyways. 
It doesn’t matter because you love him. You really do. You love him with your entire soul, heart, and being, and you know your feelings are reciprocated, so if there’s even a chance that he’s willing to give it another shot, you’ve got to do something about it. 
Instinctively, you grab your laptop and place it on the dining table, stretching your fingers out to write the longest text message you’ve probably sent in your life. 
Once your pinky finger presses the Enter key, you slam your laptop shut, pacing around your apartment until you hear a ding from your phone. 
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You nearly screech, running to your bathroom to wash off the face mask, putting some moisturizer on, combing through your eyebrows, and applying your lip gloss before- 
Ding Dong
You open the door, looking up at Jungkook with big eyes while he looks down at you. He runs his hand through his hair before holding your face with his palms, studying you, his eyes urgently scanning your features for any hint of insincerity. 
“You mean it?”
“Yes,” you say resolutely, struggling against his firm grasp, your lips slightly puckering. 
“Prove it then,” he demands.
He lets go of your face and welcomes himself into your humble abode. 
Taking a seat on your couch, he crosses his arms, watching you intently as if waiting for you to break out into a soliloquy. 
You don’t know what to say, and you’re far too embarrassed to admit your transgressions aloud, until a light bulb appears over your head. 
“My diary,” you suggest, “I’ll let you read… parts of my diary, but you have to prove it first.”
You expect him to ask you how, or to ask you what he’s supposed to be proving, but he doesn’t. 
“Okay. C’mere,” he says with a tilt of his head. All you can do is shift your weight between ankles, before shyly approaching him. 
“Sit,” he gently instructs. 
You nod, about to seat yourself on the area beside him before he grabs your wrist and twirls you around so that you’re straddling him. Your hands find themselves on your shoulders, and Jungkook wraps his around your back. 
“Y/N, I..” he starts, his gently brown orbs studying your features, “I know what you think of me,” he sighs as if just relinquished from holding the weight of the world, “and I promise you that I’m not that man,” he continues, scrutinizing your every nonverbal response.
“I’m selfish, I’m immature,” he starts, brushing your bangs from your face, “but never with you,” he finishes. “I always showed you the best parts of me, always wanted you to see me as someone you can rely on,” he expresses, gently cradling your face, “but I don’t think you realize how much I depend on you, how much I need you too.”
Your features scrunch, studying his features, digesting his words. He reaches in his pocket for something, before pulling out a heart shaped locket. He uses his other arm to delicately grasp your hand, placing the locket in your hand. 
“Look at it,” he instructs, and you follow, your fingertips clumsily opening the locket. Your heart swells. The heart shaped locket bears an image of you. 
“Being in the military wasn’t easy for me,” he continues, “but I had you with me. Had my favorite girl with me. You gave me strength.”
“When you left that morning, I regretted what I said to you. I thought I was too harsh, and that I’d lost you forever. That was one of the worst feelings in my life– but to me, I felt that you were the one who turned me down. I thought that you were just infatuated with me, that you wouldn’t care about me if you’d see how immature and selfish I really am. But I love you so much that I was okay with that. I’m okay with anything as long as it’s you,” he finally finishes.
You don’t know what to say. Your eyes flicker towards the locket, “You could’ve chosen a better picture,” you mumble, to which Jungkook amusedly scoffs. 
“That’s all you have to say?” he muses. 
Your cheeks turn strawberry pink, and you climb off his lap, running to your room to grab your diary. You return, skipping through the pages, before you  land on the one you want to show him. 
You jut it towards him, “Here.”
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Jungkook’s eyes glaze over the page, and he starts reading it aloud, mocking your voice, “I graduate college today-”
You literally throw yourself on him to shut him up, “Do not.”
A cheeky smile dances across his face as his eyes scan over the page. After a moment, he looks up and pouts, “Awe, baby,” he coos. 
Your face scrunches cutely. 
“Come gimme a hug,” he sweetly beckons, to which you sheepishly jump into his lap again, his arms snaking around your waist while he soothingly runs his hands up and down your back. 
“I’ll always be here for you, whether we’re together or not,” he whispers against your skin, “You mean everything to me.”
“I know,” you self-consciously respond.
"There's nothing you can do to be 'worthy' of me. I love you for you. You can be the world's richest person or the world's poorest person and there's nothing that would change for me, seriously. All you need to do is continue loving yourself, and that's good enough for me."
"Even if I turned into a worm? You'd still love me?" you ask, your voice coming out as a slight whimper.
Jungkook smiles. Obviously not, but of course, he'll indulge you. "Of course," he says, his voice like honey, "I'd carry you around in my pocket."
"Thanks," you sheepishly murmur, “There are just things I’m worried about, but I trust you with everything.”
He hums in agreement, “We’ll work it out.”
“Okay,” you concede, “I love you,” you confess, “I love you forever.”
“I love you forever too.”
The moment feels so intimate. Your chests are heart to heart, beating in unison as you relish the sensation of having him in your arms, having him back. 
-
Dating Jungkook officially means you get to indulge in all of your innermost desires, the little things you never thought you’d see into fruition– because the reality is that you’ve seen Jungkook in every way. He’s been to your house thousands of times, and you’ve slept over at his hundreds of times, but having him in a different way fills you with an indescribable sense of excitement and joy. 
He’s taken you shopping thousands of times, but this time is different. Jungkook is affectionately, overwhelmingly so. He’ll keep his fingers intertwined with yours even when your palms become drenched with sweat. As stated before, he doesn’t care about any distinct bodily fluid if it’s yours. 
He’ll hold you from behind while you browse through clothes, give you the occasional peck when you’re in line– it seems like he’s enjoying this domestic intimacy as much as you are. The poor guy has been in the military for a whole year. 
“That one’s cute,” he comments, motioning towards a white sundress hanging on the rack, just beside the crop top you’re currently looking at. He keeps your body close to him, his arms so casually thrown around you from behind. His fingers play with your hair, twirling it around his index, and every so often, he presses kisses to your cheek, neck, and skillfully cradles your face, forcing your jaw towards him for a sweet kiss. 
“Should I try it on?” you ask with a cute tilt of your head. 
“I like it,” he offers, “I rarely see you in dresses. You always look so pretty.”
His sentiment makes you blush– you’re already aware that when he’s around, you’ve only really been in casual clothes: crop tops, sweatpants, and flared leggings. You want to show him a new side of you. 
“We could go to the beach together,” you offer. 
Jungkook hums in agreement, “Of course, baby,” he agrees, “You looked really pretty in that matching skirt and crop top thing you wore last time.”
“Which one?”
“The one you broke my heart in,” he teases. 
You amusedly scoff, twirling around to grab his face and press a kiss on his lips. He acts annoyed, doesn’t return the kiss, just stares down at you, but still chases your lips when you pull away. 
If the skinship is this pervasive in public, you can’t imagine how he would behave behind closed doors.
Jungkook got back yesterday, and you think that he’s really taking his fill of you after being deprived from you for so long. 
Yesterday was Friday, and today is Saturday… meaning that neither of you have nothing to do.
Nothing to do but look at cute princess dresses at the mall, cuddle, and watch Jujutsu Kaisen, obviously. 
Even while doing something as mundane as watching anime from the floor, you sit in between his legs, back pressed up against his chest, and his arms around your waist, fingers playing and pinching with the chub of your tummy. 
He can’t keep his hands off you. 
The sounds of Gojo and Toji’s fight are drowned by the pounding of your cardiac palpitations. Jungkook’s large hands are splayed against the front of your body, his hands trailing up and around your stomach and back,  rubbing your skin, and sinking his fingertips into your chub. 
You gasp softly when you feel him unclasp your bra. 
He pulls his arms around you even more securely, tugging you onto his lap before he buries his face into the crook of your neck, “You’re so soft,” he murmurs, and his hands return to your stomach– and you think they’re going to trail up. Perhaps he’ll grab a handful of titty or rub a nipple until he doesn’t-
His hands trail to your legs, rubbing his palms up and down each calf lovingly before he laces his fingers through your toes, and gently pushes you off his lap…?
He rises to his feet. “I’m hungry, want me to make some ramen for you?”
“Uh yea, sure,” you smile. 
You and Jungkook have done it before: twice. Once at the beach villa and the second before he enlisted. 
Every time was magical, electrifying, the best you’ve ever had. He led you through each and every step with expertise and he was so soft, so sweet, and it felt so fucking good. 
Admittedly, your past, insecure, and inquisitive self did some snooping around and you are aware of Jungkook’s body count: 13. You were the 13th, and quite honestly, it didn’t make you feel the greatest; you despise the thought of Jungkook with another woman, but you suppose that there is something nice about having an experienced man. 
It’s not like you weren’t inexperienced either. 
Your body count was– like– 6. 
It’s not like any of the men before Jungkook actually made you come. It felt good, you guess, but having sex with someone you’re in love with is indescribable.  
You want to do it with him, but there’s something that makes you feel subconscious about making the first move, especially when it comes to something as intimate and forth putting as sex. 
You don’t find yourself seductive enough to do so, and you already have societal norms against you. 
Women are the gatekeepers of sex. Men are the ones who want to unlock the gate. Blah Blah Blah. 
Well, you want to have sex too because you’re unbelievably in love and aroused by this man. 
So, would you be making the first move? You’ve changed a lot since the emboldened 19 year old you once were. 
In conclusion, no. You will absolutely not be making the first move. You will just have to suck it up. 
-
That Saturday night, Jungkook stays over at your place. 
Nothing happens, of course, but that doesn’t mean that Jungkook doesn’t spoon you like a prison inmate incarcerated in his little Jungkook cell. He snores softly against the crook of your neck. 
Living alone isn’t easy, especially as a 21 year old (subjectively hot) girl. You double lock your doors. You have a baseball bat with nails hidden in the depths of your closet. While Jungkook was in the army, you had Yeonjun, Soobin, and Beomgyu on speed dial just in case anything were to happen. 
It was stressful, and it gave you crippling anxiety at times. 
But Jungkook is your Prince Charming in every way, from the way he makes you feel, to the way he dotes on you, and to the way he protects you. Jungkook’s got big strong military muscles, and you know that he’d never let anything happen to you. 
Since forever, he’s always casually swept you towards the inside of the sidewalk, stepped in front of you when a stranger approached, and of course you aren’t aware of this, but the reason those creepy frat boys started leaving you alone was because of him. 
The sun rises, its sweet rays as warm as the feeling intensifying your chest. Jungkook’s arms are still draped on your sides, and you turn over so you can get a real good glimpse at his sleeping face. 
So handsome. Jungkook is sleeping calmly, soft snores leaving his mouth, and it brings you so much joy to see him at peace. 
You run a thumb over his brow, pressing a soft kiss to the area in between his eyebrows. Slowly, his eyes open, and he’s staring at you with lidded eyes, and you can’t fathom how handsome you think he is. 
“G’morning baby,” he says in a soft voice, the grogginess of his morning voice making you gulp. 
“Hi,” you sweetly respond, “Sorry for waking you. You can go back to sleep. It’s Sunday,” you say folding the comforter away from you to sneak out of bed. 
Jungkook protests with a hum, “I want you to stay with me,” he mumbles. 
“You don’t want breakfast?” 
“Can’t sleep without you,” he responds, his chest rising slightly, which makes you pout. 
“Alright.”
Peace. Serenity. Serendipity. Everything you’ve ever wanted. You’re so in love. 
-
Later that day, you get an email from the company, which is surprising since it’s Sunday, but essentially, the email states that your department will be transferring to the new HYBE facility. You flip your phone to show Jungkook the screen, who is sitting across the table stuffing his face with noodles with a Snorlax headband in his hair. 
On cue, Jungkook’s phone dings, and he pulls out his phone. 
“Oh shit,” he says aloud, “Same.”
You’re a bit taken aback, “Are you serious?” you ask, scrambling to your feet before racing around the dining room to glimpse at Jungkook’s phone. 
Dear Jungkook, We're pleased to inform you that your department facilities are relocating to a new, improved location. This move is part of our ongoing commitment to efficiency and employee satisfaction…
You exchange glances with him, blinking at him momentarily before you speak. 
“You’re going to get sick of me if you have to see me everyday,” you deadpan, prompting him to theatrically roll his eyes. 
“You do analytics, I do software development. We’re not even going to be on the same floor,” he declares matter-a-factly, “You’ll probably be with… the marketing girls or something.”
“Oh really?” you muse, raising your brows, “You don’t want to see me at work? You’d rather be with those ‘marketing girls’?”
Jungkook purses his lips, staring at you unimpressed, before a smile spreads across his lips. 
“If I see you at work,” he whispers, fingertips dancing  along your thigh before his palms grasp the backs of your thighs, pulling you towards him, “I won’t be able to focus. I’d be too distracted keeping my eyes on the pretty girl from the Analytics department.”
You blush slightly, “Oh- oh, shut up.”
“What? It’s the truth. Either you or I have to quit, and it won’t be me. I have seniority over you.”
You know he’s joking, but the notion makes you scowl. You step out of his grasp, “That’s not funny,” you mutter, crossing your arms. 
He shrugs, “I could really turn into the sugar daddy you’ve always dreamed about.”
“Don’t undermine me because I don’t have as much experience as you do,” you direct, to which Jungkook theatrically drops his jaw, rising to his feet. 
You look him right in the eye, maintaining your glare as he starts to tower over you. “Oh c’mon baby, you know I didn’t mean it like that,” he comforts. 
You shake your head, rolling your eyes, “Asshole,” you spit, stomping away from him, to which Jungkook follows. 
“Seriously? I was joking!” he reasons, following you to your room. You walk into the bathroom, closing the door behind you and locking it before he can trail in your stead. At that, Jungkook scoffs, not believing that you were taking it this seriously. 
He knocks on the door. “Y/N,” he calls, dragging out your name. 
You don’t say anything, and he squeezes his eyes in defeat when he hears the sound of the shower starting, opting to slip into your bed whilst waiting for you to return. He sighs, running his hands over his face. 
To be honest, Jungkook is a little triggered. He hates the whole silent treatment thing more than anything else. Last year, you ignored him for four months straight and it nearly killed him  on the inside. 
Minutes later, you emerge from the shower, one towel wrapped around your body and the other wrapped around your hair. You cross your arms, staring at him. The towel wrapped around your frame is loose, threatening to fall beneath the nipple. 
Jungkook sighs, standing up and sauntering over. Your eyes are glossy, not from the water from the shower, and the tip of your nose is a cute shade of pink. Your features are twisted up into petulance, your lips displaying a subtle pout. 
Seeing you in distress pains him too. 
His gentle and careful fingers pull the towel above your breast. He knows you feel vulnerable and he doesn’t want you to inadvertently expose yourself and contribute to that vulnerability, his left hand rubbing your nape up and down gently. “What’s wrong, baby? Hm?” he inquires sweetly, bending over to draw your lips in for a honeyed kiss. 
“I just–” you start, unable to meet his eyes as you crane your head the other way. Jungkook gently cradles your jaw, directing your focus back to him. Looking into his eyes, you choke up. “I just– I know you weren’t being serious, but I just feel belittled, like is my work so unserious that one day I’ll just end up being a trad wife or stay at home mom?” 
Jungkook feels awful. He was already aware that you had some sort of inferiority complex when it came to him, and knowing that he fed into it makes him regret everything he’s ever said. 
Jungkook opens and closes his mouth immediately, looking for the right words. He places both palms on your shoulders, “Shit. I’m sorry Y/N, I didn’t mean it that way at all,” he expresses, “I was just– I was just being a dick,” he says, pulling you in for a hug. “I don’t think of you that way at all,” he continues, “I mean– look at you. You’re 21 and you’re rich, you’ve got a good job. You’re up there with all these old people,” he jokes, eliciting a sweet giggle from your lips. 
“I only said it because I love you and I like the thought of taking care of you,” he says, to which you squirm. 
You squirm in place, looking the other way, “So are you mad at me? For ignoring you?” you sweetly beckon, and Jungkook draws your lips for another sweet kiss. 
“No, baby. I’m thankful you said something, though,” he offers, continually rubbing your nape up and down. 
“I can take care of you too,” you declare, “Remember? We’re equals now,” you express, standing on your tiptoes to press a kiss to his lips. 
That night, Jungkook helps you change into your clothes, dries your hair, and rubs your skincare into your face. So delicate. So sweet
There’s something so wonderful about having someone you can confide in, communicate with, and love. Jungkook never judges you; all you have to do is explain how you feel and he’ll indulge you completely. 
-
That doesn’t mean however, that Jungkook can’t be selfish, immature, or childish. 
The night he confessed to you, he told you that he could be all those things, and to be honest, you’ve never really seen it directed towards you. 
When he was a teenager, you saw him get mad at his parents when he was caught smoking for the first time. You were a kid, but you thought that was pretty childish. 
Beyond that, Jungkook has always been chill, more laid back, and normal. 
Not tonight, though. 
“That was childish,” you deadpan from the passenger seat of his car. 
Jungkook reaches over to place his palm on your thigh, to which you swat it away and lean as far as you can into the window. 
Jungkook scoffs, “You’re calling me childish? Out of all people, you’re calling me childish?”
You cross your arms. “I am,” you respond, your voice firm and resolute. 
You both were on your way back from the company party celebrating the merger. The company went all out, hosting the party at a luxury hotel, illuminating the hotel’s grand ballroom with twinkling chandeliers and neon signs displaying the company’s name. 
You arrive as a pair, nothing too conspicuous for the sake of professionalism. You’re wearing a long sleeved dress, with Jungkook in a casual black button up and gray slacks. 
You quickly separated to meet with your respective departments, and when you happened to pass by Jungkook’s department, he went out of his way to greet your coworkers, introducing himself to your department like he’s never seen you before in his life. 
The other men in Jungkook’s department are quite put together. They seem like the type of people Jungkook would work with: young, objectively attractive, tech-nerds. You greet all of them with the same enthusiasm Jungkook greeted your department, knowing that they may be potential wedding guests. 
At the moment, you aren’t quite able to recall their names but he works with six other guys. They didn’t really leave a lasting impression; they were kind, sweet, and polite, nothing out of the ordinary.
Notably, it was Mary– your kind, sweet, amazing 50-year old coworker and work bestie, who brought her son to the party. That was not something you were expecting, mostly because Mary always teased you about becoming her son-in-law, and you always entertained the notion, not expecting that you’d meet the man in person. 
Mary’s son is in his early 30’s, and he is… nice. 
He’s nice, he really is. He’s an intelligent, hard-working man. He takes care of his sweet mother, and for that, he is admirable, but you think there was some miscommunication there, because he is definitely under the impression that you are interested in him in some way, shape, or form, and you feel horrible about it,  because you don’t think Mary knows you were playing around.  
Mary's son leaned in with a charming smile. "So, what do you like to do outside of work?" he inquires, his gaze lingering on you with a subtle hint of interest.
You hesitate for a moment, "Oh, you know, the usual. I enjoy reading and hiking when I have the time," you reply cautiously.
Mary's son nods, his smile widening slightly. "Sounds like we have some common interests. Maybe we could do something together sometime.”
Your heart sinks at the implication of his words, but before you can respond, your big, hot, sexy boyfriend intervenes. Jungkook had his eye on you the entire night– nothing too conspicuous, but he made sure you were always within his field of peripheral vision. 
Jungkook steps in, a champagne glass in hand. He playfully nudges Mary’s son and you squeeze your eyes shut, dreading what’s yet to come.
“Must be quite the occasion for you to be hitting on your mom’s coworkers,” he cuts in making you run your hands over your face, “Let me put you on to something else,” he continues, “I mean, you’re a handsome guy, and I know that there’s someone else more suitable for you than a 21 year old, alright bud?” he continues, throwing a casual arm around Mary’s son as he leads him elsewhere. 
Okay, it wasn’t that bad. 
But it was embarrassing. 
Jungkook seemed polite, but his language was more than passive aggressive, and anyone who caught heed to the conversation tangibly felt it.  
“I was literally being nice!” Jungkook rationalizes, his fingers tapping against the driver’s wheel, prompting you to huff in frustration. 
“You should have let me handle it,” you respond, “I was going to turn him down. Next time, don’t do all that, alright?”
“You were not going to handle it,” he retorts, “You were mumbling– baby, you were blushing– definitely entertaining it,” he adds. 
You shake your head, “That was my coworker’s son! If it was any other guy I would’ve told him to fuck off, but I had to be polite.”
“Yea, well, and if it was any other guy, I would’ve beaten the shit out of him so what’s your point?”
“Oh my gosh,” you express, face palming. 
“C’mon baby, he was being totally predatory for hitting on his mom’s coworker,” Jungkook argues, “I didn’t even say anything that bad. Had a nice conversation with the guy.”
“It was childish, Jungkook,” you counter, “The fly on the wall could sense your passive aggression.”
“I’m such a big bad wolf for saving my girlfriend from a situation she was uncomfortable in. Aww,” he mocks a pout, dragging his pointer finger across his face to mimic a tear. 
At that, you can’t help but scoff out laughter. “You’re so stupid,” you muse. 
-
That situation was merely the tip of the iceberg. 
You weren’t that angry; Mary’s son was out of line and it’s not like Jungkook said anything too egregious, but it’s the next day that Jungkook really shows you how immature you can be. 
The following Monday is yours and Jungkook’s first day of work. 
Jungkook is so in love, loves seeing you in a new light. It’s like there’s hearts in your eyes when you “coincidentally” run into each other in the second story printing room, finding the way you work when you’re in professional mode so sexy. 
It’s like he has hearts in his eyes while he leans against the company’s wall, hands in his pockets while his eyes follow you from across the office, loving the way you simply walk around with a stack of paper in your hands. 
That is, until the CEO of the fucking company starts hitting on you. That’s when his smile drops, and he removes his hands from the pockets. He instinctively steps forward to intervene yet again, until he remembers that this is actually work and that he can get both of you fired by doing anything too crazy. 
“Quit your job,” Jungkook instructs the moment you get back to his place, causing you to almost drop your work bag onto the floor. 
Maybe you didn’t hear him properly, “What’d you say?” you ask, taking off your shoes and joining him in the kitchen.
“Quit your job. I’ll help you find another one,” Jungkook suggests, rummaging through the fridge, as if it isn’t the most ridiculous idea you’ve heard in your life. 
“I’m sorry babe. Can you repeat that one more time?”
“Quit your job, Y/N,” Jungkook finishes, slamming the fridge a little too hard. He’s clearly miffed. He’s doing that thing where he tongues the inside of his cheek. His eyebrows are in an angry V, and his chest is heaving up and down— and honestly, the fact that he’s angry calms you a little bit. 
He’s just speaking from emotion, and now you need to be the voice of reason. 
You force a smile, sneaking around to hug him from behind, resting your cheek against his mid-back. 
“And why do you say that, honey? Hm?”
He swivels around, placing his palms on your shoulders. “Y/N, this isn’t funny. The CEO was being creepy as fuck. Turn in your resignation tomorrow, and I’ll start looking for another one. I’ll pay your bills until we can find you another job,” he states.
“C’mon babe,” you start, “the CEO was not being creepy. I’m the youngest at the company. He was just being nice.”
At that, Jungkook’s features scrunch in confusion, detecting any hint of sarcasm on your face. “You really think that?”
“I do.”
Jungkook sighs, “Y/N, rate yourself on a scale from 1-10, on societal standards of beauty. 10 being– like Anok Yai. Where do you stand? Be honest?”
The question is absurd, but you entertain it, putting your fingers on your chin while you genuinely contemplate the assertion. 
“Maybe a 6?-”
“Okay, well, you’re an 11, and every guy feels that way. You don’t know how pretty you are and that’s my fault. I should tell you more, but baby– that’s how pretty you are. The CEO was hitting on you and I don’t want anything bad to happen to you, so quit your job.”
You stand there, processing his words, and while the sentiment is somewhat touching, you can’t lie and say that you aren’t the least bit upset, especially because you had this conversation about your work a few days ago. 
“No,” is all you say.
“No?” Jungkook challenges.
“No,” you confirm, “I’m not going to quit my job. The CEO hasn’t done anything,” you reason, gesturing with your hands, “If he gets out of line, we can consider reporting him, but I’m not going to quit my job.”
“Okay, fair,” Jungkook says putting his hands up, and you smile, thinking that this conversation is over until he continues. 
“But why would you wait for something bad to happen? Isn’t that totally absurd? I don’t want to wait for it to happen. Let’s play it safe.”
You sigh, “I see what you’re saying, I really do. But I don’t think anything is going to happen. I think you’re overreacting…”
Jungkook pauses, tonguing the inside of his cheek before a sly smile dances across his lips. “Overreacting, huh?”
“Um, yea,” you confirm, “Why would I quit my job? I’d lose all my connections. I mean– this is the only real employment I’ve had. Besides internships, I’d have nothing to put on my resume.”
Jungkook nods, understanding. 
What he really wants to say is “Babe, just quit your job and I’ll make all the money. You’ll never have to work a day in your life and then we’ll retire early and travel the world together with our kids and-”
But that’s totally patronizing, but hey, he can’t help himself if he feels that way. 
“So what do we do, babe? The CEO is in a position of power. I just don’t want you to be taken advantage of,” Jungkook expresses, his eye twitching. 
What he really wants to say is “I literally saw the CEO’s dick getting hard while he talked to you and if I could, I’d shoot his entire office up-”
But of course, he would never utter the sentiment aloud. 
“If it gets to that, we could report him for sexual harassment,” you ponder.
Jungkook nods in agreement, but you and he both understand the implications of reporting your CEO for something like that. Women always get the short end of the stick. People would probably accuse you of lying, the CEO would leverage his resources to legally ruin you, and you both could lose your job security. 
Jungkook doesn’t want to even let it get to that point, and he’s trying his best to respect your autonomy, but it bothers him, it really does. 
He inhales deeply, finding peace in the way your fingertips dance under his skirt, caressing his abs before you pull him in for a hug. “Nothing is going to happen, baby,” you comfort, “Everything will be alright, I promise.”
-
Indeed, everything is not alright, because the CEO repeatedly calls you into his office for some inconspicuous reasons, and you’re suddenly starting to understand where Jungkook is coming from. 
Your only solace is that Jungkook is around the corner. Today, he’s wearing a suit and tie, his wire-framed glasses sitting on the bridge of his nose. He looks exceptionally sexy today, his long legs accentuated by his suit and his hair swept back to show his sexy forehead.
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You put your phone down, looking up right when the elevator doors open to reveal a handsome, suit-clad Jungkook. 
“Hello Mr. Jeon,” you express, a smile dancing on your lips when you bow to him and saunter into the elevator. 
“Hello Ms. L/N,” Jungkook responds matter-a-factly, pushing up his glasses on his nose, “Strange running you into here.”
You bite back a giggle, “Yea, that is indeed strange. How is work for you, sir?”
“Oh work’s alright. The team is-”
And just like that your lips are on his, and he’s devouring you completely. Your legs wrap around his waist as he hoists you up, pressing you against the elevator doors as he sloppily and messily kisses you. Tongue in your mouth, teeth clashing, his groin grinds against the area between your thighs, inducing you to moan into his mouth while Jungkook continues licking into you and–
Ding! The elevator dings and you and Jungkook instantly scramble apart, resulting in you running to the other side of the elevator, smoothing out your skirt while you catch your breath. You cough, hand coming at ease in front of you while you stare at the floor. Jungkook behaves similarly, pushing up his glasses while he clears his throat and straightens his tie. 
A second later, the elevator doors open, and more office workers pool in. You and Jungkook greet them politely, feigning innocence and ignorance. 
The next day, something similar transpires. 
You’re wearing a long, red skirt, a white blouse, and you have a white ribbon in your hair. You love work because it grants you opportunities to put together cute, modest outfits, and apparently, Jungkook likes it too, because you always catch him looking. 
He checks you out quite noticeably, his eyes shamelessly scanning up and down your frame as he bites his lips. Your cheeks flush, and you take a moment before you sheepishly step into the elevator. 
“H-hello, Mr. Jeon,” you greet.
“Hi Ms. Y/N. How are negotiations with your new client going?” he asks, adjusting his tie. 
“They’re going great, sir-”
And like that, he closes the distance, cradling your jaw before leaning in for a kiss. His hands salaciously trail down to your behind, giving it a light squeeze, causing you to gasp in his mouth. He takes that as an opportunity to push his tongue into your mouth, causing you to moan as your tongues rub against each other and-
Ding!
Once again, you scramble apart, separating towards each end of the elevator, recomposing yourselves while more people pool in. 
Not a soul would know what really transpires in the elevator everyday at 3:00 PM. 
-
Unless there were cameras in the elevator. 
Which there were. 
Which is crazy because of course there are cameras in the elevator, and quite honestly, you and Jungkook were probably aware of that in the back of your minds, but who cares? Making out with him everyday in the elevator at 3:00 PM is hot and it’s what gets you through the work day (until 3 PM)
You and Jungkook get Cc'd the same email from HR. 
Dear Employees, I hope this email finds you well. We need to discuss an incident observed via security cameras in the elevator involving two employees engaging in intimate behavior. This is a violation of company policies on workplace conduct. Please attend a meeting with HR to address this matter.
Oh shit. 
You and Jungkook wait outside the conference room to talk to the HR. You blink at each other, and honestly you want to burst into giggles, but the conference room is made of glass and you aren’t really sure who’s watching. 
The HR Manager, a tall lanky man, steps from the office and invites you in. 
The meeting isn’t awkward at all— in fact, it’s more straight to the point. Essentially, the HR manager says something along the lines of “You’re free to date in the office, but no PDA. We don’t encourage dating because we want our employees to focus on work. I know you guys are amongst the youngest in the office, so if you want to do–erm— that, then you can go somewhere else during lunch.”
Both you and Jungkook profusely apologize, promise it won’t happen again, and then are off on your ways. 
Funnily enough, the CEO stopped approaching you and calling you to his office so yea, neither of you quit your jobs, and Jungkook was overreacting, a little bit. 
-
Now, the real question remains. 
How do your friends feel about your relationship with Jungkook?
They want to see you happy, always, so that aspect brings them joy, but it’s important to address how things change. 
Before, Jungkook was the unattainable, hotter, older man that all your friends told you to get a grip over because there was just no way he’d ever reciprocate your feelings. But now, things are different. 
If Jungkook is your boyfriend, that means he’s your equal… so if your friends are your equal, does that mean Jungkook is equal to your friends? It’s just the transitive property of equality. If a = b, and b = c, then a =c. 
But that’s weird. 
You know you shouldn’t be making a big deal of it, but your friends are like little piggies and Jungkook is the wolf. There’s no way all of you could hang out at the same time without it being weird, because every time Jungkook has interacted with your friends in the past, it’s always been in a big brotherly way, not a friend way. 
On top of that, Jungkook has never officially met Heeseung or Sunghoon, and he is very much aware that Sunghoon was interested (and potentially still could be) in you, which is probably why you all are sitting around the sushi table in awkward silence. 
Soobin is hyperfocused on his the wrapper of his chopsticks, Beomgyu is repeatedly dipping his chopsticks into the Miso soup to lick at, Yunjin already excused herself to the restroom, and Heeseung is just staring at Jungkook in awe, which is understandable, because your boyfriend looks exceptionally handsome today. 
Yeonjun is probably the only one who can carry the conversation, mostly because he’s the most closely acquainted with Jungkook and his family.
You elbow Yeonjun softly and he clears his throat, “So, um– Jungkook. Does your family still think Y/N and I are together? Or have you already told them that you’re dating?”
Soobin finally says something, “Wait, why would Jungkook’s family think that you and Y/N are dating?”
“Just because I brought him to a couple family events, and they got the wrong idea,” you respond, delicately tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. 
“We haven’t let them know yet,” Jungkook answers, stretching out his upper body, “I don’t think that conversation will go over smoothly because of the… age difference.”
Yeonjun nods, understanding, “Yea, and your little cousin might be upset about it too,” he adds. 
“Oh yea,” Jungkook smiles, addressing the table, “My little cousin is six years old and he’s got the biggest crush on Y/N. He probably won’t talk to me for a year once he finds out,” Jungkook says with a light laugh. 
Oh my gosh. This is so awkward. You inwardly cringe, but leave it to Beomgyu to ease the atmosphere. 
“It’s alright,” Beomgyu adds, “If you didn’t want her, Y/N would have just waited for your cousin to grow up cause at least the cousin likes her-”
You reach over the table to swat at his bicep. 
At that moment, the side dishes arrive: perilla leaves, radish kimchi, steamed egg, pickled cucumbers, and spicy bean sprouts.
Thank goodness the food is here, you think, even if it’s just side dishes. Yunjin returns from the restroom, seemingly renewed as she takes the space between you and Yeonjun, and she starts talking. 
“You know, Jungkook,” she starts, “Y/N really loves you. I, for one, am happy that you’re together. She’s been non-stop talking about you since high school. She showed up at my house crying when she heard you were bringing your girlfriend to Thanksgiving-”
You nudge Yunjin, a nonverbal cue to tell her to shut up. 
Jungkook awkwardly laughs, “Yea, I know Y/N had a crush on me when she was younger but I didn’t realize until a couple years ago… Anyways, Y/N’s not the same person she was when she was a high schooler. I fell in love with her after she turned 19, of course.”
“But isn’t that still a problem?” Sunghoon challenges, and your face almost drops. 
You know where this is going. 
“You knew her since she was a little kid, so isn’t it kinda weird for you to date her?” he asks. The question is innocent, and it’s a valid question, but you can’t help but squeeze your eyes shut in anticipation of Jungkook’s answer. 
“Some would say that,” Jungkook responds, “But our relationship isn’t about who she was. It doesn’t matter to me that she had a crush on me when she was younger, it’s about who she is now, and I love her as she is,” he finishes with a smile. 
Sunghoon nods, “That makes sense,” he shrugs. At that moment, you use your chopsticks to pick up the perilla leaves, which are, of course, stuck together. Sunghoon casually reaches out with his chopsticks, separating the leaves and plopping one into his mouth. 
You freeze, and you do what you should, placing the perilla leaf over Jungkook’s bowl of rice, and he almost immediately uses his spoon to swallow the perilla leave along with a spoonful of rice. 
No one seems to notice, and the conversation continues. 
“So what’s it like working with your girlfriend?” Heeseung asks casually, and the conversation continues, taking an upward trajectory, the atmosphere finally settling down. 
-
“He still likes you, Y/N,” Jungkook says matter-a-factly, hanging up his coat in his closet while you take off your shoes by the front door. 
You tilt your head, genuinely confused, “Who?”
“Sunghoon.”
You shake your head, dismissing the notion, “No, that was in the past. I heard he has a girlfriend now.” 
You join Jungkook in his bedroom and he’s staring at you incredulously. “Are you serious?” Jungkook asks, causing you to scoff, “Of course I am!” you retaliate, “He’s over me. I turned him down straight up; I didn’t even entertain his feelings for me. I told him I was in love  with you, remember?”
Jungkook's expression softens, and he takes a seat on his bed, “I know baby, but I’m just saying that he still likes you. Remember what I said?-”
“About me being an 11?” you question, amused, “Yea, nobody thinks that except for you,” you confirm with a nod, taking a seat on his lap when he opens his arms for you. 
Jungkook shakes his head, “I’m not saying it’s anything bad, and I’m not saying I don’t trust you, but I just want you to know that he still likes you. He even tried to give you an indirect kiss,” he says, nuzzling his head into the crook of your neck.
You raise a brow at him, giggling at the tickling sensation of his lips ghosting across the sensitive areas of your neck, “An indirect kiss?”
“Yes,” Jungkook confirms, “An indirect kiss– the perilla leaf?”
You shake your head. You immediately recall a stupid conversation Jungkook had with his friends. “They peel off one perilla leaf, next thing you know, they’re holding hands, and fall in love, and they end up getting married!” is what he said, causing his friends to roll their eyes. 
You place a chaste kiss on his lips, “You’re stupid,” you giggle. 
He looks at you knowingly. Jungkook isn’t per se, worried about you and Sunghoon. He knows Sunghoon’s a respectful enough kid to not make a move, and he trusts you with his entire heart, soul, and being. He just wants you to know that Sunghoon most likely still harbors something for you.  
Of course he would. Like Jungkook said, you’re an 11. 
-
The delicacy of his feelings for you seeps into everything he does, especially when you’re sick. 
Nestled with your head cradled in the curve of his arm, he gently massages your temples with his right hand, ensuring the damp cloth on your forehead remains refreshingly cool, soothing your feverish brow.
You're drifting into slumber, your eyes half-closed as you softly shift against his embrace. With him around, with his fingers assuaging the ache in your temples,  you finally feel safe enough, protected enough to lose yourself in your own vulnerability and drift into dreamland. 
Later that day, you wake up with Jungkook right by your side. His eyes are on the TV and when he hears your soft mumbles, he welcomes you back to Earth. 
“Kiss me please,” comes out in a soft whimper. You’re barely coherent and you’re asking for a kiss? That’s the cutest fucking thing on the history of the Earth, and Jungkook’s heart clenches. You’re so sweet, so precious, and he’ll gladly oblige. 
He pulls you onto him so you’re lying directly onto him, your boobs pressed against his chest and your stomach pressed against his.
He kisses you sweetly, indulging you completely while your tongues intertwine, and he sighs into your mouth blissfully. 
At that moment, you hear the sound of a thud hitting the floor. You and Jungkook whip your heads towards the sound– it’s his parents. 
“J-Jeon Jungkook! What do you think you’re doing?!” his mother shrieks.
-
800 notes · View notes
alexwilltellyouthings · 2 months
Text
Entirely self indulgent rating post about the top 10 TV shows that made me fucking insane for some reason
10. Sense8
God, this was so good. Such a blessing. I saw part of the cast during a Pride Parade and it's one of my favorite memories. I felt every possible emotion with this show, I love it.
9. The Last of Us
This is kind of a cheat, because the obsession comes from the games, but it is what it is. It's one of the few games that had a big impact on me and I closely relate it to my relationship with my dad. Can't wait to cry my heart out at season 2.
8. Good Omens
It's a given, isn't it? That stupid angel with his stupid demon and their stupid God. GRRRAAWW. A lot of thoughts and feelings came from the fandom, I have to point out. It's been very nice.
7. The Umbrella Academy
I have the first issue of the comics autographed by Gerard Way!! I mean, yes, it's because I'm a MCR fan, but it became even more precious after I got into the show. I'm rewatching right now, preparing for the last season. I'll be a mess when I say goodbye to them. Can't even really think about it too hard or I'll cry right now.
Continues under the cut
6. Our Flag Means Death
LISTEN THIS CHANGED EVERYTHING TO ME. What do you mean we can have a show THIS queer? It's all I want now. I ate it up. I smiled so much. I wanted this so badly and had no idea.
5. Interview with the Vampire
Feels like it should be top 3 honestly but I'll get there. This is also a cheat, I've been reading the Vampire Chronicles since I was like 15. Growing up with Anne Rice probably messed me up but hey at least I have great taste. And seeing them on screen? The way they made it BETTER? And Lestat?? Who has been haunting me for 15 years on and off??? And the second season and their reunion and and and?????????? I'm STILL insane about them and will be forever, I'm afraid.
4. Doctor Who
Listen. Listen. Okay. Yeah. What can I say? If you get into it, you're doomed. And I have been doomed for 10 years at least. I stopped watching for a while and got back last year, and it hit me all over again. I love this dumbass genius alien in a way that's calm, even. Just a permanent part of who I am now.
3. The Untamed
The year was 2022, it had been a while since I had a proper fixation and I didn't think it would happen with this danmei live-action, but then came Wei Wuxian. Guys, if I tell you I fell in love. Couldn't stop thinking about him. Everyday I was plagued by his smile and red ribbon and tragic backstory, yadayadayada. I really like other characters too, and their stories, but WWX did something to me that I still don't quite understand.
2. Queer as Folk (US)
This was a looong time ago and it didn't really persist over time like the others, but it was my first actual obsession. I was clinically insane over these gays. I had no one to talk to about them, so for every episode I wrote several pages of notes to comment to my (only) friend at school the next day, the poor thing. It was pretty much all I talked about because I spent EVERY MINUTE we had to talk going over the notes and explaining the episode. Like, between classes, during breaks, everything. Months of that. She held on firmly because she was a good friend, but I'm aware it must've been terrible. Like I said, insane.
1. Dead Boy Detectives
Maybe I'm putting this up here because it's my current hyperfixation? Maybe. But I don't think I have felt something hit as strongly as this since QaF over there. This time I can participate in fandom so I don't need to write every thought I have because it's all a big talk anyway, but I'm still pretty much having those thoughts all the time for *checks notes* nearly three months. I'm writing more than I have in years. I'm back at Tumblr after I don't know how long. I'm staring at GIFs over and over like I have the fucking time for that. I'm distracted at work daily. I talk about it in therapy. I have the main cast's notifications on. I'm getting involved in fandom discourse sometimes even knowing I shouldn't. It's a nightmare. I love it. I love them.
If you read all of this, congrats! Now you know how my mind works, kinda!! I'm open to talk about any and all of these shows. It's amazing how they mess us up. It's also scary, but anyway.
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mistywitcher · 8 months
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oh sweet lord that last episode has rendered me deceased. i am dead. i cannot FUNCTION
what a show. and what a way to end the first season! as a hardcore insane percy jackson stan till i die, here’s my thoughts if you would like them:
FIRST OF ALL. the whole show: loved it. very little to critique in my opinion! i know not everyone is happy with everything, but personally i think it’s one of the best adaptations i’ve ever seen. it’s mostly faithful to the books, and the changes that were made i think were improvements and made a lot of sense.
rick wrote the first percy jackson book so long ago, this show felt like his way of being able to go back and change bits and edit the story to something that’s even better. that’s how i see the show!
LETS TALK CAST: it was fuckin perfection okay, i will fight anyone on this point. walker as percy has changed my fuckin life. his little emotional eyes in every single scene, showing so much depth to all of the dialogue, and giving the best vibes. the humour, the desperation, the self sacrifice. he is PERCY and i am so incredibly in love.
as for annabeth and grover, PERFECTION ALSO. leah slayed annabeth so hard, the little eye brow quirks, the way she was able to portray annabeth as extremely smart and logical, but not heartless, and certainly not cold. she brought such a warmth to the character and i am obsessed.
aryan as grover is just chefs kiss. from the satyr walk, to the one liners, to the uneasiness and resilience grover has, aryan has it down. i just loved him and I CANNOT WAIT TO SEE THE HIM FLOURISH IN THE (hopeful) NEXT SEASON!
the whole cast was amazing. i loved all the choices. it all just felt so right. from the cast, to the set, to the fights, to the cgi. i’m just in love okay.
LUKE AT THE END HAD ME BAWLING. the tears in his eyes, the way he begged percy to join the cause, the hurt when he sees annabeth. FUCK ME I NEED A MOMENT OKAY.
the parallels that are being set up throughout the show for luke and percy are wonderful, i cannot wait to see how it continues. i thought it was just so cohesive and the characters feel so real.
i love how they have set it up for the next season! it’s like it’s ready to go, it’s RIGHT THERE and i want it it so bad so LETS GET MANIFESTING FOR ALL 5 SEASONS FRIENDS ITS TIME!!!
and i have to mention my love of percy/annabeth or percabeth. it’s not the whole point of the story i know, but it is something that is very special to me. i love my little sea boy and clever girlie together, and this show has set them up so beautifully. it’s given them time to have a friendship, to build trust, but also the little looks they give eachother, the pining that we can see will eventually build. IT MAKES MY FUCKIN HEART SING OKAY walker and leah slayed too hard on that front. they understood the assignment.
i could go on about this show and percy jackson in general forever. but i shall end this here because i feel like i need to go cry for a few hours lol.
in conclusion, and this will sound dramatic but i mean every word of this. this show fucking saved me right now. percy jackson is so incredibly important to me, it’s my biggest special interest, it’s shaped me for a decade, it’s my comfort, it’s my everything. i’m currently dealing with a tumour in my head at 22, and my mental health and life is crumbling around me, but this show and percy jackson and rick riordan has kept me here for the last 7 weeks and previously years before that. i owe my life to rick riordan. i will never be able to express my love for this enough.
okay okay, i’m done. see you later once i’ve rewatched the series 4374 times and have memorised every fucking word.
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casanovawrites · 3 months
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rp sentence prompts from the society, season 1 — (part 2 of 2)
i sort of like losing track of time.
so, do you? have all you need?
i kind of think it’s actually kind of hopeful.
our parents are still alive. they’re just someplace else, and we have to figure out a way back to them.
there’s got to be a way to get back. doors work both ways.
i really feel like we’ve just been given some hope.
i miss my parents giving me a hard time.
what if there are wolves and bears in the woods?
i avoided you. i was caught up in being straight.
did you ever notice me before?
who died and left you in charge?
i told you, people are not fine. they might be quiet, but that’s not the same thing. they’re scared. and they’re angry.
i want to die. it’s okay. i won’t feel like this.
tell my parents i’m sorry.
i really thought i was gonna die.
you were always a terrible patient.
i’m stoic and tough.
last time you had a cold, you bitched so much you gave it to me.
who’s so angry that they’d try to kill people?
you guys left me in the dark forever.
i want someone else here. you’re creeping me out.
i am allowed to make a political statement. dissent isn’t a crime. 
coincidences happen.
how do you want to live? what about us?
there’s nothing in this place that i want.
you’re afraid of me. everyone’s always afraid of me.
does it make sense? or am i just doing something to do something?
can i sleep here?
you don’t look so impressed.
can we just, for a second, pretend i know what i’m doing?
what, you’re just done with her and onto me?
i thought i knew how i felt and what i wanted. but i didn’t. 
the idea of losing you… i didn’t think i could feel that way about anyone. 
i can’t stop thinking about you. so that’s what that was last night.
you look like shit, by the way.
i’m scared all the time.
i’ve done terrible things. 
this time is going to be different. you’re gonna be more careful.
since when are you superstitious? we can’t think like that right now. it’s a big world.
i am hopeful. but you haven’t seen what i’ve seen.
it’s weird that we never really knew each other in high school.
i’m the wrong person to fuck with, you know?
there aren’t a lot of people who would show up for me like that.
things are fine the way they are. why are you risking this now?
there’s a lot of big decisions i have to make. i don’t want people to think we’re making them together. i don’t want you to think we’re making them together. because they’re my decisions, and i have to make them alone.
just because you decided to show up doesn’t mean it’s a good time for me.
the world changed. it isn’t about what you want or what i want. 
i don’t trust myself to be with you the way i want to be with you.
who the fuck are you to decide what i’m good at?
sometimes i wonder if there’s another version of this world where we’re friends.
if i was home, i’d just get on a bus or a train and go. but there’s no way. there’s no way from here.
i just wanna die. i just wanted to be dead.
we had to forget everything we learned about what life owed us.
you’re right. i’m not in control.
what does it feel like to starve? it’s really slow and painful, isn’t it?
you would eat me? 
there’s not enough of us to eat. we’d buy ourselves maybe a month or two.
if we come back without an answer, people aren’t gonna wait around to starve. we’ll kill each other first for the food that’s there.
has anyone asked, ever, ‘are you okay with any of this?’
fuck off. i don’t need a nanny.
do people just come when you snap your fingers?
you don’t get to demand an audience with me. you’re lucky i showed up.
you’re half right about everything. you know that? and that’s worse than being wrong. that makes you dangerous.
i need power to get things done, but i hate it. and you will too.
i can decide what i think. but i can’t decide that i’m right.
we’re not gonna ask for power. we’re gonna take it.
are you a fucking hero? i don’t think so.
i never had any idea what i wanted to do.
maybe we’re being punished for what our parents did.
maybe we’re here, and there’s no there anymore.
it’s fucking terrifying. we’re just not saying the stuff out loud that we’re afraid of.
do you think we might actually be lucky?
what we have is built on trust, nothing else.
i’m willing to lose out every once in a while. it’s better than chaos.
what are you when you’re on your own, if you really think about it?
i’m sorry if i made you feel like i think less of you. 
you’re still warm, and i’m a little bit lonely. do you mind?
part of me just wishes we could stay out here in the woods. i don’t want so much noise.
no, fuck you. fuck you. i’m not afraid of you anymore.
i want to pull the strings a bit, that’s all.
it gets bad. but it’s not gonna get that bad.
i know what you’re thinking. ‘what am i doing, this isn’t me.’ but it is you. that’s how fast it happens.
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birrdies · 3 months
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I wanna talk a little about Etho’s characterization in the MCZU, not because anyone asked but because I’m thinking about him and I’m the captain of this ship. So buckle in, sailors.
First and foremost I am well aware that MCZU Etho and the general consensus of canon c!Etho have very glaring differences. The MCZU as a whole is an inherently dramatized and transformative take on the life series. But the roots are the same. It’s a take on the “reputation” Etho has. Early UHC days, hell even 3rd life and last life— people are scared of Etho. He’s a wild card, he’s smart, he’s dangerous. He’s a survivor. So what happens when— in this world that’s done nothing but test and push him to the brink time and time again— he starts to believe it? What happens when you lose the parts of yourself that made you YOU, what happens when the “survivor” becomes all that you are?
THAT’S MCZU Etho to me. We don’t get to see him before. When he and Cleo were friends in college, when he worked in a greenhouse, when he played the guitar. Etho’s introduction into this world is in that ditch on the side of the road, eye bleeding and wondering if this is where he dies— and he’s there because he stopped to help someone. He stopped to help and they stole his items and left him for dead. This is the birth of MCZU Etho as we know him. And how fitting that he meets Bdubs at that same time. Somehow both the worst and best thing that ever happened to him.
We see some of this softness survive with Bdubs— the need to help, the need to provide and protect. He would’ve gone with Bdubs until the end. We see it with the ranchers. He finds Jimmy and Tango in that closet. He looks at them and realizes how afraid they look and he pities them. He spares them by ignoring them, by leaving them in that closet. Unknowingly giving them a few extra months together. He doesn’t tell Bdubs, because loving Bdubs is the same thing as knowing him. Loving him is the same thing as understanding that Bdubs might not have let them go.
And the painful part is— the glimpses we see of this “before” Etho in these moments are all flashbacks. The first time we see Etho in the MCZU is months/maybe even a year after Bdubs’ death. The world’s taken everything from him, so why should he bother?
What I feel like it all boils down to, for me, is empathy. This may be a controversial take, given a lot of people portray Etho as distant and difficult to connect to— but I think that he’s like this because he cares TOO much. And he TELLS GRIAN AS MUCH in Grian and Scar’s story. “I cared a lot once, and it ruined me. So now I don’t care about much at all.”
CARING TOO MUCH IS WHAT’S ALMOST GOTTEN ETHO KILLED. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. He’s in the most danger when he’s showing mercy, when he’s made the choice to spare or help. The world has done nothing but punish him for being empathetic, for caring about the people around him. At least, that’s how it feels to him. What’s there left for Etho to do? If being cold, disconnected is what it takes to survive in this world, shouldn’t that be what he becomes? Shouldn’t he smother that soft-spoken, kind nineteen year old inside of him, because the only thing he’s brought has been pain and loss.
So Etho tries. He tries to shut it all out. He grows more callous and violent. He enjoys killing sculks, traveling through the city, anything that takes place of thinking. Of feeling. He tells Grian he doesn’t care. He tells him he doesn’t care, but that’s not true is it? Even still, after Bdubs’ death, he cares. He cares so much that when Impulse comes to his door and tells him the Grid burned, his first reaction is guilt. This guilt of not helping Scar and Grian— the thought ‘well maybe if I’d helped I could’ve done something to stop it’ — plagues him the entire rest of the series.
When Etho starts seeing the ghosts of the people he killed, Scar is one of them. Skizz, BigB, Impulse all died directly at Etho’s hand. Their blood is forever on his hands, and it isn’t until after his crusade is done that he realizes they’ve died for nothing. But Scar— Etho had nothing to do with Scar’s death, really. He wasn’t there when Scar decided to go after the Redlands on his own. He had no way of knowing or controlling that outcome. And in a series haunted by choices — both made and not made — this, the choice not to help the Grid, is the one that haunts him the most. So he sees Scar. Scar is one of the ghosts that haunts him, because deep down he believes it is his fault that he died.
It’s his fault and well…
Doesn’t that make him and Grian even? Doesn’t that mean they’re the same thing, deep down?
Etho realizes it in that observatory. He looks at Grian and knows that if Grian hadn’t gotten there first it’d be Ethos sitting there, covered in blood. It’s the first crack, the first inkling that maybe this isn’t worth it. Maybe he can turn back before it’s too late— maybe he can still try to be good.
But he can’t. No, of course he can’t.
He loved Bdubs. He loved him too much.
And it nearly killed him.
But, no. That care stays. It lingers, because no matter how hard Etho tries he will never be able to smother that nineteen year old kid. He’ll never be able to forget the fact that he loved Bdubs enough to destroy himself in the process of avenging him. He’ll keep kneeling by roadkill, feeling for their suffering and wished he’d been around to help. He’ll enter the ranch house and choke on the grief and the lost love that’s staining the carpet. Without knowing it was Scar that bled there, that it was Jimmy and Tango who built it, he still feels every inch of it.
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flowers-of-io · 11 months
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So me and my friend were talking about Savathun and I wanted to have your thoughts about something she said
She said that the problem that she has with Savathun’s character arc is the fact that she feels like it’s pointless for her to have a character arc because it will just end with Bungie saying "She was just evil "
She also said that she doesnt get why people are saying "Savathun was given a chance and still chose her old ways " ; for her it makes sense that Savathun chose her old ways because
1) She is wanted by everyone and she is seen, everyone will kill her on the spot so she needs to protect herself ; 2) Even if she tries to be better, people will still look her as bad (because she hurted a lot of people). Eramis has the support of Mithrax and her Family to be better but Savathun has no one and if she died, except her sister , people will not cry or be sorry , they will just say "Dont cry, the world is better without her " or something along those lines
So she said "if Savathun chose to stay bad, people in Destiny will hate her and if she tries to be good, people will still hate her so she chose the logical option "
Of course, she doesnt deny the suffering that Savathun has caused but she feels like her character arc will just end up with "Savathun appears-> gets developped -> does something so bad that everyone just wants her dead-> Savathun dies -> end with "Savathun was just bad"
Omg I somehow totally missed this message, I'm so sorry for however long it has been lying in my inbox ;o;
I... kinda agree. And I hate that I agree! Because TWQ ended with such potential for a strong redemption arc for Sav, and then Season of the Witch rolled in and went "Oh actually she's been killing her own Lightbearers as a hobby :)" and I don't understand anything anymore. Savathûn, the tactician, the smartass, who hand-picked the Ghosts who'd join her and eventually rez Hive, now running around and killing them for... what? To fuel her training crystals? While she's involved in active war on two different fronts??? Ma'am. I need explanations.
There's no doubt Savathûn is atrocious and has caused enough suffering in the world to balance out thousands upon thousands lifetimes of nothing but good deeds, but eugh. Some of the decisions this season seem to me like the writers were bending over backwards just to show how Evil!!!!! she is, with no rhyme or reason. Yeah sure, show her killing people in gruesome ways!!! Show her fucking with their minds like she did with Osiris and Uldren!!! When it's in character. When it makes sense. I don't really understand why they'd throw away AN ESTABLISHED DYNAMIC between her and Immaru only to show her being mean to her Ghost, so 'she can't be a real Guardian now, can she'.
In this manner, I agree and also fear a little that Sav's storyline is going to be nothing but a cautionary tale of someone being gifted the Light and a second chance and squandering this opportunity, remaining Evil forever. It would be such a waste and I would cry.
The reason for why she chose to stay in her own ways, or at least act like it (and I'm talking here mainly about the events of TWQ, because this season has been very... weird about it?? and I don't yet know where I stand wrt this new info) is in my opinion a bit more complicated. First off, if we're going by the canon timeline, she was a week-old kinderguardian thrown into a full-scale war on two fronts while having to kick Rhulk out, transmutate her throne world, manage a whole ass Brood full of other amnesiac baby Lights, and figure out what the hell her past self wanted her to do to stop the Witness. I can also imagine the Lucent Brood was very volatile in their philosophies and way of life, the Light clashing with the Sword Logic, and just overall, it must've been pure chaos, especially for someone who's fresh out of the grave and doesn't know what the fuck is going on.
Secondly, after she's got back her memories -- the old ways is everything she's ever known. I think the case of her snatching the Traveler is a great example. She says she "will not Take, [she] will give", and it's evident she's trying to wrap her head around the new philosophy, to reverse-engineer it from the spaces between the words on the Tablets of Ruin, but she's still oh so very Hive in it. She will give the Traveler an incentive, a safe haven -- and then she will seal it away to protect it. Disregarding anyone else and any other harm this act might entail. I truly believe she had the right intention! She wanted to protect her saviour and the source of her power from the being she hates most in the universe, who seeks only to hurt and destroy the Traveler and threatens Sav's own survival. The plan made sense. It's the execution that was so sword logic in nature, the sealing and the stealing and the general disregard for the Traveler's wishes and choices, and she paid the price in the end. She messed up royally. She was still stuck in the old ways she'd supposedly rejected.
I'm not sure, however, if the lack of outside support would be any factor here. She's always been a loner. Her way of keeping people at a distance is very similar to Mara's, she's always valued the wiggle room moving so far away gives her, she's always wanted to be free and untethered and to decide only for herself. I don't think she cares no one would cry for her if she died; her main goal is NOT to die, and that's the motivation behind most of her actions, rather than the fear of being alone. I think this is where they differ with Xivu. And yes, she is lonely--I see this particularly in her last entry in Sororicide where she says Xivu has given up on her, and in the fact of how thrilled she is to have Eris and Ikora and us the Guardian as puppets in her little theatre. Riddles are her love language and she's enjoying it tremendously.
To sum up, I suppose, these are the reasons I see behind Sav reverting to the sword logic in some extent, or at least not going Full Redemption after acquiring the Light:
her brood (particularly the Lightless Hive) still being ingrained in the Logic and pushing it a lot
Sav believing Sword Logic to be the more efficient tool and therefore still using it to achieve her goals - so both necessity as well as her own calculating personality
her own habits and a billion years' worth of conditioning she's reacquired when she got her memories back
her drive to stay alive and get out of the whole game (whatever we define it as), and potential fear of death
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ahleezeruinavt · 6 months
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Had the craziest experience of joining a “superhero roleplay server” for the first time in a while, one not distinctively Marvel or DC just kinda it’s own universe. It was considered “sci-fi” and so I didn’t really see any sci-fi elements really other than the city itself that it took place in but that was whatever
Things hit the fan when I started asking questions about the lore. Namely that if people born off of this island could have super powers (they called it “vigor” and also called their drug “vigor” which seems like it’s just a knock off version of Compound V from “The Boys”). When I tell you these people got so mad so fast.
Nobody on staff could give me a straight answer, and I think most of these people were in high school given their answers. They said no, if you’re born off the island, even if your parents were born on the island, that you could not have powers. I was confused because their written lore said it was “in their blood”. But when asked if it was genetic, they said no. Which is REALLY confusing bc if it’s in your blood when you’re born then it would be genetic.
I pressed a little further to ask why that is, and they dead ass told me “lol no we can’t tell you bc that’s something they’re finding out in the lore later” which is code for “we don’t have a reason yet, stop asking questions”. When something is the BASE REASONING in your RP server, maybe give it some sort of basis other than “people born here have magical powers”
So then I was like “okay so secretly mutated character is a no-go then, okay”, but someone else kept asking questions bc we were both GENUINELY CONFUSED on this whole “it’s not genetic but its in your blood”, bc they compared it with having mutations when you’re a baby. And I was literally trying to wrap my head around this bc no one was saying the same thing.
Eventually, I just got fed up bc the staff started blatantly ignoring me and the other person asking questions and left. My friends sent me this lovely screenshot from after I left.
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Mind you, I did leave after “all that” bc no one of staff could give a clear answer on LITERALLY ANYTHING. It took a whole day to get an answer to a SUPER simply question about powers. ALSO I said that if the OC was too similar to X-Men I would 100% be willing to change it bc I had a back up character in mind anyways! Additionally, this shows me they did not read my powers at all bc I stated multiple times this was a NIGHTCRAWLER LEGACY I was looking to import over with any needed changes if she was too similar to Nightcrawler at the end of the day.
Like how are you going to insult me and be wrong about the x-men 😭😭
They then also gave me the most generic copy paste backstory for my character. “Well if you don’t want to be born on Selva, you can have magic instead of vigor” Cool, I asked how she would get her appearance with just magic alone. They just said “freak accident or spell gone wrong idk”
They had also proceeded to deny someone else’s character for assumptions THE STAFF made about them. Also had a ranking system that they didn’t have explained anywhere. Oh btw did I mention that in order to have a group of vigilantes you had to BUY IT WITH THE ECONOMY BOT? Bc god forbid you don’t want to join their one group.
Funniest thing was, when ranting about it in another RP server, someone told me their friend joined the server a while ago and the staff were all condescending and rude towards them. Can’t say I expect less from people who quite literally ignore everything they are asked to talk in general about the words for porn categories 😭
The server is called Selva City, so y’all can avoid it like the plague bc holy shit that was probably the worst RP experience I had in FOREVER.
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Maybe
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Iitterally pick whoever to fill the him.
Warnings: a character death and some depression a lot of angst. 18+ just incase Do NOT repost or publish comments and Reblogs welcome!!!
He looked at the calendar.
It should have been a special day. Everything.
Things planned. Flowers bought. Getaways. He had always planned things like this. Hed refused for you to do anything so in love and wanting to do everything for you. Despite your constant voicing to do something for him surprise him once but no. You were everything for him to him. He always took every opportunity to show you. But now it was just another day he was alone. Another day he had to just get through.
He was given a choice. Sometimes he thought it was a dream but he knew your name your face your everything. It was too- well he couldn't know all that if he didn't know you..thats what he told himself on days he felt like he was nuts.
He had looked you up on Facebook knowing your username something your friends from high-school couldn't even find you. But he did. He pretended to be someone else and by some miracle you accepted something you almost never did. So maybe...maybe he was given a bit of a reprieve He knew your Instagram handle and your Twitter even you tumblr. He noticed the lack of stories with his actual name but the ones up there broke his heart. Slivers of truth were in there. Arguments tears how you cried at his movies how you how he did certain things. You'd take a tiny peice of a cookie that just came out of the oven against better judgment and always burnt your tounge.
He was filming and there was a car accident and he lost you. He lost you forever. Fuck everyone else and how they felt. Fuck his family fuck your family fuck everything and everyone in the goddammit fucking world. He was yours and you were his. Before you ever even married. It was like thag the first time you two said hi. He wanted you back in the world even if you hated him for eternity.
He just wanted you to be alive.
He was given the choice (by he doesn't know what and doesn't care) you'd be alive but he couldn't go near you couldn't talk too you nothing. But he'd get his wish and you'd be in the world again. He doesn't know what was worse not having a child and being all alone or if you had, wishing you did have a child so so he could have (at least one) peice of you but he couldn't even function so how was he supposed to for a child? He had just felt dead inside he doesn't even remember the days after so maybe..maybe it was best? That thought alone killed him even more.
He knew your job and everytime an interview opportunity came up he said no. He said he didn't want you to talk to anyone in the movie any movie ever.
It shocked everyone. He never talked about anyone like that. They assumed there was a "history" But he refused to explain and you. You were being driven crazy trying to just figure out why you kept getting stone walled.
You had, as a fan, tweeted him and posted comments on his Instagram page sent him private messages with comments on video nothing vulger- that wasn't you.That was never you. You weren't even a curse. It was adorable. He loved you all the more for it.
Just sweet or funny or adorable.
When he needed a pick me up he opened his general box and read them. He didn't want you to know he read them he thought I might be too...getting too close.
You had sent me a sweet birthday message a poem. He loved it. And you immediately felt stupid and figured he'd never read it. But he did. He read everything. It was all your voice things you'd say to him as he'd hold you on lazy Sundays and rainy days. He loved reading your words and he read every single peice that was published anywhere.
One day he had taken the subway it was the fastest way and everyone usually left him alone too busy to notice and bother him trying to get to where they needed to go. He had just happened to Glace and he saw you far enough away on the train that he prayed it didn't count and you wouldn't be taken away. You had a smile talking. You had looked around smiling talking and then you smiled in his direction and he. He just...
The last time he saw you. The last time he held you was...when he... had to say it was you. He had held you and cried. He doesn't know for how long but they eventually had to pry him away from you but there you were so happy so...he almost lost it right then and there.
You had dropped your phone. You didnt look back no one else had cared he gripped his stuff and your phone so quickly he barely made it out. He almost kept it. A peicd of you back. He loved the funny stuff you did on your phone. The things you'd write the pictures and video you'd take. He'd always sneak a peak just like you'd look at his. It was a thing. Your thing as a couple. Others thought it was silly a way to control or check up but neither had anything to hide unless it was near a birthday and he'd never let you near his near an anniversary. But otherwise it was free right. His phone was yours and your phone was his just like he was yours and you were his. It was just that way.
But he didn't keep it. He knew how you hated to lose your phone.
Hey you
You miss
You finally turned
You dropped your phone.
Oh thank you. As you took it back he tried desperately to look at your hand your left hand no ring -god he was relieved.
"If lost that I'd die," You chuckled.
Then he lost it and he pulled you in for a hug. Surprised but he was handsome , not handsome so you let him and it was a sort of respectful hug minus him kinda holding you tight. But you thought "maybe...." but Then he let go realizing he litterly probably just assalted you would a hug that count as one? You were married and a hug is-
But you weren't married at least not to him and he didn't see a ring on your finger.
"Don't go driving" he spurt out of no where.
"What?"
" I'm mean don't go driving alone ita dangerous theres uh. Everyobe should you know have a buddy system." God hr knew he sounded like an idiot
"Ok... I mean I don't really drive I can't I- hah um so thanks."
Your friend stood there that look he knew from her she wasn't the brightest crayon in the box he never got why you two were friends.
"Is that?"
"What?"
"He looks...."
"What?"
"Never mind"
"No what?
"like an actor from tv?"
"Seriously who?"
"I forgot the dude's name."
"Oh real helpful. I mean he's cute but-"
Then you were out of earshot.
And he thought "Maybe...."
Maybe
Drabble 1 in between him seeing you and you going to him for your phone its a memory
Tag list
@nana1000night @sapphire-rogers @hawkeyes-queen @patzammit @sparklybarbarianninja
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andersunmenschlich · 1 year
Text
Threats
I much prefer them mailed from outside my secure residence. I'd rather not get them at all—these two new ones were not precisely welcome—but getting them in my mailbox was less worrying than finding them (as I did the previous) inside my home.
"You might be asking why you received this," one piece of hate mail asks, presciently.
The back of the mailer assures me that complete strangers performed a religious ritual over said mailer, and (improbable though it may seem) are even now in the process of ritually petitioning their deity on my behalf.
"Oh good," one might be tempted to think. "I could use a little help with the rent. Or, hey, we're talking supernatural intervention here: I wouldn't mind a healing spell. My everything aches."
But no.
It would seem that, rather than helping me in any way, the focus of these believers in the occult is threatening me.
"At some point in your life," the inside flap of the mailer informs me, "you definitely did something that upset our god. That means you won't go to a good place after you die unless you accept a sacrifice that was made on your behalf."
Well.
On the one hand, it's not much of a threat. They have an easily-offended invisible friend who won't let me into their imaginary afterlife clubhouse? Oh dear.
And on the other hand, maybe they've sacrificed something I'll like. The mailer isn't big enough for a rack of lamb, but perhaps they killed a bank account or two? I'd accept $200 if they really wanted to sacrifice it for me, or even $5 (though that doesn't seem like much of a sacrifice).
Unfolding the next bit, however, reveals that the sacrifice they're referring to is nothing I can accept.
The claim is that their imaginary friend sent them his imaginary kid, the plan being for said kid to be executed as a criminal... instead of me. Apparently. Oh, and them too. Delightful.
It's an interesting combination of insult and clickbait, this bit. I deserve to die nailed to a stick, apparently—but I don't have to worry about it if I use this one weird trick, which will make the imaginary kid's execution count as mine, and then (because I'm already legally dead) I won't have to die!
...A bit of an escalation from the original threat, but here we are.
Apparently the two choices are "die" or "go to our imaginary friend's afterlife clubhouse." That second one requires the first, but this mailer doesn't seem to have noticed that.
The last bit of unfolding shows that the one thing these weirdos have actually given up is an aluminum model of an execution device. The one weird trick is a ritualistic chant (with the caveat that if you don't "truly BELIEVE" in the magic then it won't work), and they follow this up by telling you that after you've done the ritual you need to visit their website and join their group.
The second piece of hate mail is subtler about the whole thing.
The future is going to be a beautiful, wonderful place, it says. They know this because they have a book that says their god is going to make the future a beautiful, wonderful place. Can you really believe what their book says? Absolutely, because the book says that you can. Want to know more? They are entirely willing to send you more claims in print form (the booklet they say they'll send you says "Enjoy Life Forever!" on the cover) or in the form of an actual physical human being (no photo provided).
If you didn't already know that their deity demands blood to satisfy its enormous offense at how awful you are, you wouldn't know until the extra claims turned up... and they already had a foot in your door.
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nagirambles · 2 years
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Rambling about Fairies - Manga Chapter 170
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Honestly, I love the wonderful and tragic implication of Lisanna being alive in Edolas. it’s great it turned out to be Lisanna and the reunion with Mira and Elf is so beautiful, but I fully understand people who don’t like it too. 
There just wasn’t any meaningful buildup to that reveal before we were suddenly given whiplash at the end of the arc. It felt like a shock for the sake of shock, especially since Lisanna doesn’t do anything meaningful narratively after she returns. 
I’ll say it first. I love Lisanna a lot. A LOT. But only in flashbacks and as my fan version of her. In canon, Mashima chucked her aside and sometimes I almost wished she stayed dead because I loved her as who she was in the flashback, as someone so kind and meaningful to everyone. After she came back, Mashima stopped caring about her character, and everything I once loved about Lisanna just stopped happening and was replaced by another face in the crowd. I wish she continued being a wonderful and hailed character, and Mashima should have stopped before he ruined her. 
Often I wonder how it all would have been with a Lisanna that truly wasn’t ours. If this truly was Edo-Lisanna instead of Earth’s. I love how tragic the Nali story is, similarly to how I love how tragic Jude and Lucy’s story is. It just adds so much depth around Natsu’s personality and dynamics with other characters, and I feel that is a bittersweet note of growth and development for him. 
This moment was a powerful climax to Lisanna’s so long buildup of existence. I just wish more was done with it in Edolas before she just returned home. Did she even need to return home? Like, even if it wasn’t to bring her home, what was the point of reintroducing her in Edolas if she wasn’t to become an important/semi-vital part of the Edolas narrative like Edo-Lucy? It would capitalize on their similarities one last time, you know? 
I wish more was done with her potential in Edolas, because just look. Natsu was about to cry. Lisanna being here actually brought a genuine, emotional tear to Natsu’s eyes, and as I’ve mentioned, we don’t usually see that in the manga.
I wanted to see more of this. More of Natsu figuring out how to deal with Lisanna being alive here. I want a dilemma of him not knowing if he should care for her, if he should ignore her, if he can ignore her. Not just Natsu nonchalantly moving on to the serious issues, that makes no sense. (Even if you don’t ship Nali romantically, please, you’ve got to understand, his long-dead childhood friend showed up alive. Who just moves on like it’s nothing?) There was so much buildup to how much Lisanna meant to all of them, so Mashima not following through with it upsets me just as much as the Mystogan-Wendy situation. 
Heck, not just Natsu, I want Happy to react! Natsu is strong enough to hold back, Happy is lost and confused and there’s no better opportunity for him to run to Lisanna for comfort because someone he thought was dead is alive. 
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So you know, I will forever despise how Mashima turned this situation comedic for no reason. It’s just so tone deaf to the buildup thus far. Even if that wasn’t their Lisanna, Natsu deserved a moment to actually be vulnerable and express his damn emotions without being thrown into a comedic light. 
Like, I just want Natsu and Lisanna to interact. How ridiculous is it that they don’t ever interact? Literally Lucy and Gray gatekeeps him from it, they can’t even share a greeting before Lisanna is whisked back into being nothing, the plot captures them, and they never interact again. 
This is the stupidest way to end their old friendship without any closure, and I can’t believe anyone could justify this horrible writing. Even the fucking Mystogan-Wendy reunion had more substance to it and that is also rock bottom. 
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frosnpls · 2 years
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hey ignore that i like, spent multiple hours hunting down an active blog of yours, have you seen the new dhmis and opinions if so? -bill bill
Hello I know you said to ignore it but where were you looking for me? I'm genuinely Very Curious about that -- but anyway though,
Oh My God.
To be honest getting to watch all of it was entirely worth the Six Year Wait. I've seen a few people saying the pacing was awkward or whatever but honestly I think it was perfect. It was everything it needed to be.
[SPOILERS FOR DON'T HUG ME I'M SCARED AHEAD I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO A READ MORE ON MOBILE BUT YA'LL'VE BEEN WARNED. ALSO THIS POST IS JUST LIKE, REAL LONG. SORRY]
We got so much from it. I was NOT expecting the episodes to be twenty minute features and I did actually say when we started watching (my friend group had a lil watch party) "I wonder how they're going to fill that entire runtime?" But that did it so well. The decision to have the episodes expand the theme rather than just stay on one particular beat worked out so well and yet the episodes still stuck faithfully to the theme they were on and it was just, so well written.
I love that they've given Harry (I made a post about this the other day I'm being stubborn and still calling him Harry I don't CARE) so much more personality, like, they really built up to it in the YT series but they didn't get the chance to explore it as fully as I think most of us would have liked to see because the majority of it was in the last episode. The fact that he yells so often in the show is so fun and the parts where he gets annoyed about something trivial (like the fact he was looking forward to doing nothing or when he got jealous about not being dead) make me so happy like. He's a guy. He's a guy with thoughts and feelings he's REAL. The freakout when they were in the car and he so desperately wanted there to be something, anything else just like. Fucked me up. He knows it's not real and that life isn't meant to be like this and he needs out but it's the only life he HAS!!!
I loved the comedy in it! They've kept the brand of humour from the youtube series but it feels like, actually a little more unhinged in places?? Idk how to put into words ig, it feels different in a way that I can't really put my finger on. It's still very unexpected, but it's not as rooted in just. Violence and gore, I guess? Like it is but not in the same way. Idk. I don't know how to say it. The 'electric chair' joke made my partner LOSE IT and my friend group keeps saying "OK, Stop." at every comment that could be taken as even a SLIGHT insult. I think one of my favourite ones was the bit where Stain starts existing and Yellow goes "eurgh, claymation" sbdjfj
The plot overall was just. Encapsulating. They've kept the elements of mystery that made it work the first time around and turned it up to eleven. We were SCREAMING at the scene with the shredder. I'm begging they get a second season because you can't just do that and leave it there forever. That would be so much.
One thing in particular that I found interesting in episode 6 (aside from, y'know, everything) was the part where Yellow can see the puppeteers and they're dressed like the background. I mean obviously the implication is that they're always there but does that mean that the teachers are entirely just fabricated by someone? Again I mean the obvious answer is yes, by possibly Lesley, maybe even someone higher than her, but. Y'know. Why are they there???? Are the puppeteers aware they're in a show or is Lesley (or someone else) forcing them to do this as well?????? They saw that Yellow was looking. They know he knows. FOR THAT MATTER, the fact nobody ever noticed the staircase in the kitchen until Yellow gained higher consciousness and was able to see the kitchen from a different camera angle is genius. They've never seen the stairs because it's usually in the missing wall for the camera. Of course they haven't. That's their fourth wall.
OOH OOH OOH something ELSE I found interesting is how the train guy had Lesley's name written on him. When I first noticed that I assumed it was his name. I'm thinking about rewatching to see if the name pops up anywhere else and I just didn't notice it. She's such an intriguing character -- the idea being that she's. Essentially their god. She did all of this. At least the main cast. We're shown there's a floor even further than hers, and it blends in with the wall. The fact it opens on it's own would say to me that she knows it's there, but what if she doesn't?? Who's above her?? Did something create her in order for her to create them?? I NEED to see up there. I HAVE TO. And anyway, why is Yellow one of her favourites - and why does she let so many bad things happen to him if that's the case? In fact, why does she let so many bad things happen at all? Is this all just for her amusement? Is she being manipulated by someone else to be that way?
There's not a doll of her in the dollhouse, because assumedly from her perspective she is the higher being and doesn't need replacing. There's something above her but she doesn't know that. There's also not dolls of the big and bigger boys, though, despite their room still being in the house after her and Yellow fix things. So did she not make them? She has to be aware they're there. She can't just think there's two completely uninhabitated rooms in the house. I'm fascinated. It's literally all I can think about.
So in summary -- yeah it was alright I guess.
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Text
SO!!!! I've been doing a lot of writing and I was thinking about sharing some of the stuff!!!
I know that it won't really make sense because you don't know the characters, but it's fine! I might make some posts about them!
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Their blue eyes meeting the attention of the toxic one brought serenity to them. The warmth of Apollo radiated comfort and security, giving the enby what ey never experienced before her appearance. There was certainty that what was planned by the hands of per would be the final relief ae could experience; Every dead participant and friend weighing down on Raven's heart would be released. The madness they endured all vir life, solidified by what was assumed to be thyr friend's betrayal, it would finally end. No more would it take away xaer sanity, the only thing keeping them from the end of it was really Apollo.
Raven's expression softened to the pyromaniac in front of xaer, showing a calmer demeanour. Ae ignored everything around thym, focusing only on him; it was just the two of them, and nothing else. Their gaze would have an addition of an obvious blush against the Mastermind’s cheeks growing by a moment of nothing but admiration. As Raven began to speak, the gentle sound of vir words lessened any harsh German-like emphasis.
"To speak to you feels a luxury, every word you speak I hang onto, them being a blessing to experience. Being able to hear your words, and be graced with your touch, it's difficult to envision a life without it… for our fates are intertwined, our lives bound forever with a red string. My heart is in devotion to the perfection that is you.
Every flower in a garden and every star in the darkness of the night does not compare to you. With every burn that you've endured and created, and the destruction that brought you radiant bliss… every toxin that courses within the blood, I long for, wishing to grow closer to the being that is you.
You are the very breath I intake, giving me the embrace of my life that I never believed I have.. The very feeling soothes my soul… and I wish to be closer to the one that makes me feel that way. The person I love more than anyone in my life, I want to take their hand and look them in the eyes and ask if they'd want to be with me, officially…"
Ae took her hand, running their thumb gently against the back of it in a back-and-forth motion. Ve'd focus on Apollo's reaction, and then the hand thy were caressing. It wasn't hard to confess to Apollo, that was what Raven believed. For so long he was in aer life without the Mastermind knowing, a feat that no other being could achieve.
It was admirable to be capable of being in Raven's life for 19 years, knowing every little detail and still loving them. Loving every scar on their broken body, watching every change that went on yet keeping that devotion. To truly understand them like no other, respecting every request and comforts, incapable to fall victim their manipulative talent-- that was what ey needed in thyr life.
Apollo loved vem, for they were her "piccione." And Apollo to Raven? He was like a darkened angel in aer life, watching over them from behind the scenes, guiding in that distance. She was the one who would never betray thym, xe'd rather die than do that to vem. Sie was a "sparrow," fitting the name Raven chose for themself; "Paseri" was the chosen last name. The pyromaniac was the one who changed xaer ideology. What was once fear was now accepted into their mind.
'Nobody to love, nobody to mourn, right? You won't be given the chance to mourn me if I kill you first my dear' No... that isn't correct. That isn't how it'd be one day. Everyone left them, but that isn't how it was anymore. They found someone to love, and to rejoice in eir presence. Still caressing the back of hir hand, Raven once again made eye contact.
"Will you be the one I spend the rest of my life with as my partner? To be ever closer… more than just how we touch each other and taste each other… but to be mine? Will you accept that you are my partner, and I steal your last name?"
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sargassos · 2 years
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I've been avoiding doing this, cause I'm not the best at sharing, and cause its the suckiest life update ever. Obviously, this is not an art post.
I'm gonna make a short thread of photos out of this, so, hope im doing this part right, but CW: animal death, pet death ahead, in case you dont block those tags already.
Just under 8 years ago, I adopted the best dogo I have ever known. We had ranch dogs when I was a kid, so I've had a LOT of dogs; Tsavo was something super special. I mean, kid leash trained himself an hour after I adopted him. He had zero trouble learning new things, from go.
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He was great with our other animals, tho he ate my favorite feather pillow and carried my not yet planted flowers around like a trophy.
And he was tiny tiny when he first came home; I was told he wouldn't get very big (i did not believe them one bit.)
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Apparently neither did he. In fact he took it as a challenge. He capped out at 102 pounds at his peak, and healthy. He was a hiker, a camper, and a lake dog (tho he didn't swim well. Imagine, a lab who can't swim??)
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He would sit with me when I was gardening, hang out in the garage when we were working, would lay around and watch the chickens...his second name was "In-The-Way", but in a good way.
He even helped fetch tools when we were working (nothing sharp or too heavy, he knew his limits)
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He was always patient with us taking photos (of which there were so. Very. Many.)
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In spite of my best attempts to socialize him, he never did quite get the whole, personal space & canine body language thing. But luckily he made friends pretty easily.
Which was helpful when we brought home a kitten who decided "slow introduction" was too slow for him.
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He was an all season idiot, and made everyone happy with his persistence in fetching items when requested; bags, tools, shoes (matching pairs!)...And if he didn't know the item you were requesting by name, he would bring you every single sock he could find to make up for it.
He helped me come down when I came home in tears from work, when I was stressed from a nightmare, or if i woke up in a panic after an episode if sleep paralysis.
He was, inequivically, the absolute best dogs I've ever known, and could have asked for.
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Now the sad part. I posted recently on Twitter that Tsavo hasn't been doing great. He developed a limp in late October. I took him to work for a checkup.
We thought it was a torn mcl, that would heal. It might not even need surgery, since his xrays weren't showing much.
We were wrong. It was cancer. And by the time we realized it, it had already spread from his leg into his chest.
I was not mentally prepared for how fast everything went downhill from there, but given the tone of this post, and the censor, I suppose its obvious where this goes.
He stopped eating. He couldn't get comfortable, even with pain meds. His leg seemed dead and cold below the knee, and he started coughing only days after we got the results back.
We opted to euthanize Tsavo last Thursday, the 1st of the month.
I am very very not ok right now.
I'll get another dog. I know I will, I've proven in the past I dont like not having one around. I love dogs. I'm going to meet one this weekend. I feel selfish being excited when I'm still this broken, but this last month has been a nightmare in itself, so I want to be happy too.
But I firmly believe getting a new pet is never a replacement for an old one. And it couldn't be anyways. There will never be another Tsavo like my great, amazing boy was.
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I can never be grateful enough for what this big, stupid, idiot goofball brought to my life.
And im just as grateful for my friends, who have been helping me deal with this for over a month now.
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I love this dog, with my whole heart and everything I have, and I will miss him forever.
He really was the bestest best boy ❤
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coleas97 · 8 months
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Monday, the 22nd of January
Completing my prompt for February early, as I am unlikely to have the time to complete it at a later date. Is planning this early problematic? Potentially. Anyway. February, the month of love. Some sentences are choppy; I have little to say about some of the sub-prompts. Cheers
February: What is your first memory of being loved and how has that challenged or supported your idea of love today?
As a first memory of being loved, the easiest and most obvious answer is the love I unconditionally received from my late mother. She was strong and selfless and put everything aside to make others feel better. Going through the heartbreaking times that she did, she never once showed a sign of weakness or helplessness. She was my perfect example of love. At first, losing her felt like the love I had received throughout my younger years was for nothing. I remember feeling new emotions of hurt that I did not even know was possible for a human being to feel. After time, I was able to hold on to the love that she gave me and take it not as a thing of loss, but an example of how it is of vital importance to put your entire heart into something or someone, as it or they can be taken away from you in an instant. Everyone who I choose to have in my life gets 110% of me regardless of the fear I have that they may eventually leave.
From my father, I felt love at times and in other times, did not at all. It was given to me then taken away, sometimes in the span of minutes. He taught me that love can be dishonest and manipulative. Apologies were in the form of new toys, or "man-to-man secrets," which I would later know was just his manipulative way of teaching me that if he sneaks a woman into the house, it's okay not to tell my mother. Love from my father was and is something I choose not reflect on often. I do not think highly of him and for many years, did not think of him at all. I always say that I was born knowing what it was like to have a dead parent, as my brain never registered him to be a care-giver, or a friend, or a provider. Although physically present, he was absent-minded. A ghost, really.
As for romantic relationships, the first time I felt love was with my first ever girlfriend, who for privacy will be referred to as "N." She was beautiful, kind, and heavily reassuring. Our relationship took place in a time when we were both naive and focused on the wrong aspects of life (wrong to me, at least). N was my first experience with many things and was with me until a bit before my mom's passing. As time went on, I began to take interest in the more emotional aspects of being a relationship vs. the physical and materialistic. After losing my mom, I needed emotional support and I often felt "too much" for another person to handle in a romantic setting - which at the time, I believed was meant to be all fun and enjoyment. I shy away from temporary romantic situations with women; I shy away from temporary friendships with anyone as well. I do not feel loved in temporary situations.. in fact, I feel afraid, insecure, and frankly (and perhaps harshly) disgusted. I appreciate and require all relationships with people to be long-term and goal-oriented. To become my friend is to be there for each other forever, to date me is to marry me. My ears shut off after anything that mirrors the phrase "go with the flow." I am painfully structured and organized, and to say it plainly, I need to know where things will go in any and every situation. A control freak, maybe. My relationship pattern is to be intense and codependent, but full of love nonetheless. I would say I am successful at acquiring relationships with others and unsuccessful at maintaining them. Those who last long in my life are often those who struggle to let people go, not that they would want to leave.. or perhaps they would? I try not to think about those things often. Not sure what to say.
Parents and romantic relationships aside, nothing will really ever compare to the love I receive currently from my son, Axel. He has so much personality, humour, and intelligence, at his young age. He cries when he is happy, he smiles at strangers, he looks up at me with so much admiration.. I truly want to be the best possible human being for him. I want him to live his life fully free of pain, although I know that is unrealistic. I suppose all that matters is that he knows that I'm there for him. He recognizes that he has a mother and father who love him unconditionally and that is all I could ask for, really.
Overall I reckon I've given love more than I've received it (although my son most definitely makes up for any losses). I am self-admittedly a love addict and hopeless romantic. Love is one of those aspects of life I continuously seek and once found, latch onto. I struggle to know if this is a negative or positive thing. For now, it can be a positive.
So after all that, I don't know that I answered the question. Fingers crossed that this is good enough for my therapist to dissect come Thursday morning.
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elliegoestodownton · 2 years
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Ho postato 1.492 volte nel 2022
Sono 194 post in più del 2021!
339 post creati (23%)
1.153 post rebloggati (77%)
Blog che ho rebloggato di più:
@gregorygerwitz
@fighterkimburgess
@madeline-kahn
@ballroompink
@somosinevitables
Ho taggato 1.440 dei miei post nel 2022
Solo 3% dei miei post non aveva tag
#chicago fire - 296 post
#chicago pd - 235 post
#trudy platt - 155 post
#randy mouch mcholland - 121 post
#movies - 111 post
#kim burgess - 102 post
#pretties - 98 post
#adam ruzek - 82 post
#stella kidd - 61 post
#fanfic rec - 60 post
Longest Tag: 120 characters
#not me trying to figure out if some ships would be compatible based on astrology according to very vague info been given
I miei post migliori nel 2022:
#5
Let’s stop for a second and fully appreciate the face that Violet makes the first time she sees Hawkins. Like a kid in front of a yummy snack.
12 note - Postate 20 agosto 2022
#4
Honestly pissed off at Netflix right now as they cancelled The Babysitters Club. 😭😭😭 That show gave me so much joy in two seasons and they did an honestly brilliant job in adapting the books, one of my fave reads while growing up, and making the stories relevant to the present. It was SO GOOD.
And now no more heartwarming stories about the BSC. And mostly how dare they cancel it before Richard and Sharon, my awkward babies, could get married on screen??? Imagine that. I will forever treasure their perfect clumsiness. And the girls’ costumes. I will treasure those too because fashion!
If you haven’t watched it, go catch up with it.
12 note - Postate 12 marzo 2022
#3
Stella greeting Trudy with “Hey Lady!” on the phone. That’s everything I needed for this week.
13 note - Postate 13 ottobre 2022
#2
A few hours to S11 to here’s my wishlist for Fire 🔥🔥🔥
No drama for Stellaride. Just let them be hot and happy.
Ritter to have a real storyline and not just play the BFF on the sidelines. He is a great character, who has grown a lot even in the little time he is afforded to be explored and has great potential to be developed even more. He needs to.
I love Violet, she’s a badass and I would love for them to write her not just as a love interest but as she science nerd kickass woman she is in relation to her career.
Javi to be officially adopted by Cruz and Chloe with no drama. He fits with the family, he’s happy, so don’t come up with the aunt who comes back from the dead to reclaim him!
I expect nothing less than some shenanigans from Mouch and Herrmann, better halves friend version. Let them be their usual lovable and cranky selves and I’ll be happy.
More of Capp and Tony, underrated comedy duo.
Papa Boden. That’s the tweet.
With Kylie keeping him in check.
I love the chaotic trio of youngsters and their friendship. It would be great to see them continue working together on business plans without the Gallo/Violet thing in the middle.
I will sincerely miss Tuesday, my best girl. 💕😭 I hope that if is she is gone narratively as well, they will find a way to honor her sweet furry memory.
I have come to appreciate Seager towards the end of S10 and you know what would be great? To see her budding friendship of sorts with Stella develop a bit rather than her playing the third wheel.
A guest appearance by Pelham, my beloved.
I’m still waiting for a The Real Housewives of 51© (Trudy, Donna and Cindy) wine night because that would be absolutely hilarious, highly gossipy and slightly filthy. But we all know it’s not gonna happen. You read it here first, though.
I’m also still waiting for a Trudy vs Herrmann over Molly’s but I have lost hope there. This would be also hilarious.
I would gladly accept a game night on screen in exchange.
21 note - Postate 21 settembre 2022
Il mio post numero 1 del 2022
Diane and Kurt
Thanks for the ask!
Who said “I love you” first: Not in those exact same words, but canonically it was Kurt. I think he was the one to also utter ILY first later on as Diane probably needed a bit more time and reassurance.
Who would have the other’s picture as their phone background: Kurt even though it took him ages to switch to a smatphone because you know the man. I imagine that if she has a non-work phone, Diane also has a picture there with quite the gallery from their dates and vacays.
Who leaves notes written in fog on the bathroom mirror: Diane would totally leave sweet and ironic stuff on the mirror for her fave cowboy to see. The word cowboy might actually feature in those messages as well.
Who buys the other cheesy gifts: Hands down Diane. But they both have a good track record of cheesy gifts, as we know.
Who initiated the first kiss: Again, canonically Kurt. Not that she minded one bit.
Who kisses the other awake in the morning: I feel Diane peppers his face with kisses in those instances when he is still sleeping.
Who starts tickle fights: Kurt because he loves her laugh.
Who asks who if they can join the other in the shower: I think they might take turns there. Probably Diane does this more often than he does.
Who surprises the other in the middle of the day at work with lunch: Kurt. Because Diane never leaves work 🤣
Who was nervous and shy on the first date: She was definitely the most nervous of the two, trying to babble her way through the date and fill the silence also to avoid hearing her brain and her ancestors telling her that it was a very bad idea.
Who kills/takes out the spiders: Kurt gently takes them out as the good country boy he is. Diane is not a fan.
Who loudly proclaims their love when they’re drunk: Oooh, Diane probably gets tipsy a bit more easily but I feel that Kurt would be the one yelling it from the rooftops when really drunk.
31 note - Postate 27 febbraio 2022
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