#Day 238 of hiding from my friends | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

darkficsyouneveraskedfor · 3 years ago

Note

Hi! Can I possibly get the promps, 145, 130, 85, and 238 with Bucky please! 😊

I didn't get 85 in there, sorry, but did my best.

Glory Days

Warnings: humiliation, mention of bullying, thigh riding, nonconsent.

🍸

You remember the laughter, the vicious snickers as you ran out of the house in tears, bass pumping in the early fall cool. Several other girls follow in a similar state but you hardly notice as your feet hammer on the pavement. The noise echoes still in your mind, ten years later as you stare at the man just ahead of you.

Bucky Barnes was the most popular guy in his frat a decade before, he seemed like the star of campus. Now he stands just a few feet away at a tall table, giving cheers to the blond across from him with one other man. You recognise the one with the blonde hair, Steve Rogers, ever his stalwart companion, but the other is unfamiliar.

You think at first it isn’t them. You don’t want it to be. You don’t want your rare night out to be ruined by bad memories. You blink and carry on past their table, certain to keep your head straight ahead. You dip into the washroom and to a stall. When you emerge from the small cubicle, you have to take a moment to catch your breath.

It was one night, ten year ago, eleven, maybe. What's worse was he probably doesn’t even remember it. To him, it was just another night, another party.

You go back out and your eyes meet his blue ones as you try to sweep quickly by. He tilts his head and smirks, a little wink as he sips his sparkling pint. You look away quickly and skirt by, heading back to the table with your coworkers, Jessica and Tegan. You sit and lift your empty glass and mope.

“About time for another round,” Tegan offers, “jeez, what a week.”

“God, don’t get me started,” Jessica drains the last of appletini, “it’s not even over.”

“You know the great thing about not fucking your boss is that your day ends at six o’clock,” Tegan teases but it’s well known she had a crush on Karim before Jessica hooked up with him.

“Mmm, it’s really not work,” Tegan giggles as the waitress approaches. You order another round and wait for her to clear the table.

“This place isn’t bad,” Jessica says, “maybe you’ll find a cute guy.”

“Speaking of,” Tegan preens as she flips her curls, “I think he’s heading over right now.”

“Hmm?” you follow Jessica’s gaze as Tegan gives a subtle nod.

You hold in a wince and turn back, hoping he isn’t heading over your way. Bucky Barnes could not be coming to your table. He just couldn’t.

“Hey, ladies,” his deep voice cuts through your prayers, “how are we doing tonight?”

He has the same snakish tone as he did all those years ago. The one that made you think you were the diamond in the rough plucked out by him alone. That you really were beautiful. Well, you changed since then, you weren’t the bookish girl with her goggly glasses and flaky complexion.

“Good,” Tegan smirks, “and you?”

“Well, you know, pretty good,” his hand rests behind your shoulder on the back of the booth, “me and my friends were just celebrating another Friday and we saw you three lovely ladies and there’s three of us, so naturally…”

“Naturally,” Jessica says, “I mean, who can resist a perfect balance?”

“Jess,” you hiss under your breath, “Karim?”

“We’re not exclusive,” she waves you off, “we would love to join you,” she says over your head, “but we did just order another round to the table.”

“I think there might be enough room for us,” he suggests, “we can make it work, huh?”

“Oh I think we can fit you in,” Tegan arches a brow and you hide your face.

“Great,” Bucky hits the seat and you glance at his thick fingers, “be right back.”

“We should let you choose the place more often,” Jessica trills at you and the waitress appears with her tray.

You accept your tropical cocktail and stir it with the little umbrella, “oh, so you didn’t notice the ring?”

“Ring? I don’t know it means anything,” Tegan shrugs, “not my problem.”

“Wow,” you squint at her and her eyes flick past you.

“Pardon us,” Bucky approaches with the two other men, beer glasses in hand, “I didn’t even get your names. I’m Bucky, this is Steve,” he points to the blonde, “and Sam.”

Tegan offers your name as she stands to let Sam sit between her and Jessica and gestures you curtly to shimmy over. You find yourself crowded between Bucky and Jessica on the curved seat. You take a gulp of your drink and try to think of a way out.

“So, you ladies work together?” Steve asks.

“Sure do,” Tegan chimes.

The conversation quickly splits off into pairs but you sit quietly next to Bucky and wish you had more to sip. You didn’t mean to drink that fast, this night is supposed to be stress free. He clears his throat and angles slightly to face you as he rests his elbow on the table, his sleeve rolled just above as it hugs his thick bicep.

“And what do you do in the office?” he asks as he looks you over, “you’re quiet, like a secretary.”

“I’m an accountant, actually, senior,” you purse your lips derisively and wave your fingers above his head for the waitress, you need more alcohol.

“Ah, I’m just another corporate shill,” he says as the waitress approaches, the whole table takes your lead and orders.

“Oh, and a loving husband?” you look at his finger as you return to the stunted conversation.

“Not, actually, divorced,” he spins the ring, “why so shy?”

“Not shy,” you answer bluntly, “the ring kinda puts women off, you know?”

“Bad habit,” he says, “you know, it costs a lot so why not?”

“I guess,” you sigh.

“I didn’t know you were so sensitive,” he sits back as the waitress sets down your drink and then his. The sentence takes you back, the keg, the smell of beer, the jeers of drunken frats, and cruel laughter. You come back and shake your head.

“Sensitive? No, but I think it’s a valid concern,” you take a drink.

“Hmm,” he considers you as he tastes the head of his beer, “you’re sharp. I like it. And damn hot, if I do say so. You wear the hell out of that skirt.”

“Ah,” you put your drink down, “it’s not my favourite.”

“I see,” he leans his chin in his hand, “you like to play hard-to-get.”

You wrinkle your nose and glance over at Tegan. She laughs as she rubs Steve’s arm and leans into him and Jessica is almost halfway in Sam’s lap already. You hide your discomfort and grab your glass again.

“Maybe that will loosen you up,” he taps the bottom of your cup.

“Maybe I’m not interested,” you hiss.

“Oh, no?” he slides closer and his hand goes to your thigh, “you’re shaking.”

You feel the anger spike and you spill your drink down your front. You curse and stand up awkwardly between the seat and the table. You put the glass down and the others look at you in concern. You wave Bucky over as you snap out a blunt ‘excuse me’.

He stands and let you out but says he’ll “help” and follows. You stomp back to the bathrooms as you try to outpace him. You reach the ladies’ room door and spin to face him.

“I don’t need your help,” you snarl, “alright? Can’t you take a hint?”

“Is that an oink I hear?” he mocks as he lifts his hand to cup his ear, “you don’t look like a pig anymore but you sure sound like one.”

Your lips part and you scowl at him. You shake your head and shove his chest as you turn and storm into the bathroom. He remembers. He knows it’s you and he’s all smug because he can see it so plainly. You grab a wad of paper towel and start daubing your blouse.

The stall behind you opens and the only other woman in the room goes to the sink beside you and washes her hand. She smiles tipsily at you in the mirror and you give an awkward grin back. You toss the towel as the door swing behind her only for the hinges to squeak again.

You hear the lock and glance in the mirror. You see the dark hair and the broad shoulders. Bucky turns to you as he leans on the door with one hand, his other on his belt. He bites the tip of his tongue as he eyes you.

“You always were a dramatic bitch,” he sneers as he pushes himself straight,

“Fuck off,” you try to brush past him as he nears and he catches your wrists. He backs you up between the sinks and crushes you against the wall, eyes boring into yours.

“You know, you left so early you missed out on all the fun, can’t have that happen again,” he purrs, “you know, you don’t win at a pig party unless you get the swine’s panties.”

“You’re disgusting,” you try to twist free but he pulls your hands above you and presses his body to yours.

“You’re a fucking prude,” he growls as he pushes his knees between your legs, your skirt rising as he plants his thick thigh there, “can’t just let go of the past and have a little fun.”

“Let me go,” you huff as you bare your teeth.

“Now, little piggy, don’t squeal too loud,” his thigh meets your panties and you flinch, “you just need to relax, let loose. That’s what you girls came for, isn’t it?”

“Get off,” you snap, “I’ll--”

Before you can promise a scream, his hands over your mouth and his other falls to your hip. He tuts and shakes his head. He holds you against the wall as a knock comes at the door and he waits until the heels clack away from the other side. He lifts his legs higher and slowly guides your hips so your cunt rubs against his thigh.

“You need to get some of that tension out,” he hums as his eyes wander down and he watches the way he rocks you. You try to stop him but can’t plant your feet as he has you on your toes, “the only way you’re getting off is on my thigh.”

You try to shake your head as you latch onto his wrist and hit his chest with your other hand. He doesn’t even flinch as he keeps you moving, his gaze clinging to the motion as he tilts you against him.

“Look at you, piggy,” he taunts, “your legs are shaking… you gonna cum on my leg like a slut, huh?”

You mumble into his palm as your breath flows from your nose and glosses over his hand. You wriggle between his strength and the wall. The tingle flurrying in your core makes your eyes water and your heart race.

You grab onto his tie and yank desperately, trying to get him to stop. He chuckles as it tightens and lets go of your hip. He grabs your hand and pulls the silk tighter until his neck tenses and his face reddens.

“You know what I like, piggy,” he says in a strained voice, “now finish.”

You whimper as he keeps your hand around his tie and his other clamps tighter around your mouth. You close your eyes and move your hips. You just want it to be over with. You want to leave and you can’t see any other way past him. He rasps and groans as he senses the urgency that guides you.

“That’s it,” he breathes, “fuck my leg like a good little piggy. Fuck it.”

You whine into his hand and squeeze his tie as your muscles tighten. Your release swells and spills over as your eyes shoot open and he stares at you as he watches you cum. You feel it soaking through your panties and onto his slacks. You slow as you quiver and he lets your hand fall from his neck.

He reaches down as he slides his leg out and touches the wet spot on his leg. You see the darker patch streaked there as he drops his hand from your mouth and tisks. He snickers as you try to stand straight and he pushes you back.

“Can’t forget these,” you brace the wall as he reaches under your skirt and rips your panties down your legs. He tugs until you step out of them and he folds them before he slips them into his pocket, “I’ll just tell them you spilled some on me, huh?” he rubbed the streak again, “you think they’ll buy it?”

“Get away from me,” you fix your skirt and stand straight on your wobbly legs, “get away--”

“Shhhh,” he puts his finger to your lips, “you keep oinking and I’ll have to really make you squeal.”

#bucky barnes #dark bucky barnes #dark!bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #drabble #ask #request #mcu #marvel

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twoidiotwriters1 · 4 years ago

Text

Iron 10 (Peter Parker x Fem!Oc)

Words: 3, 238

Masterlist

Chapter 9

"And how am I supposed to learn to control them if they forbid me to do anything?" Lily asks from the back seat.

“We’ll talk to your father. Depending on what happens, we’ll send them the necessary equipment,” informs Fury.

"Depending on what happens?"

"Legal aspects.”

"As which?"

"Lily, one problem at a time," Nat interrupts.

“Fine. Where are we going?"

"Do you want a donut?"

"Sure!"

The van pulls up outside the Randy’s Donuts store, Fury comes out. They both look at him from inside the car. Tony’s sitting on the huge donut.

"Why did we come for him?” She grits her teeth, remembering the annoyance towards her father.

"You two should talk," Nat says.

"I don’t want to.”

"If you want us to help you, that is the condition.”

Lily turns away from the window and folds her arms looking at the redhead.

"You didn't say anything about conditions.”

"Now there are.”

"It's not fair,” She sighs and then looks at Nat's outfit. "Why do you wear that? Is it your super spy uniform?"

"Something like that. You like it?"

“You look weird, but I like it. Do you have weapons or explosives?"

“Perhaps."

The agent receives an order from her intercom. She responds and returns to the girl.

"Come on, I'll buy you a donut."

They both get out of the truck and enter the premises. Nat asks Lily a chocolate donut and walks to the chairs where Tony and Fury are, while the girl takes the donut from her and sits in an armchair away from them, with her back to them.

"Huh!" Tony says when he sees Natasha in a new outfit "You're... fired.”

"That's not up to you,” answers the redhead sitting down.

"Tony, I want you to meet Agent Romanoff,” adds Fury.

“Hi."

"I'm a S.H.I.E.L.D. shadow. Once we knew you were ill or out of control, I was tasted to you by Director Fury. Besides taking care of your daughter in risky situations,” She tilts her head towards Lily.

Tony frowns and looks away to meet the little girl, eating a donut while she swings her legs. He goes back to the redhead.

"I suggest you apologize,” answers Tony.

"You've been very busy," continues Fury. “You made your girl your CEO, you’re giving away your stuff, you neglect your daughter without taking into account the high priority over her powers, you let your friend fly way with your suit. Now, if I did’nt know better—”

Tony rolls his eyes. Again, someone else scolding him for whatever stupid thing he does. Although he now knows that he did screw up, he doesn't want to hear it again. He has enough with his own mind.

"You don't know better. I didn’t give it to him. He took it."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, He took it?" asks Fury. “You’re Iron Man and he just took it? The Little brother walked in there, kicked your ass and took your suit?" He says. “Is that possible?"

“Well, according to Mr. Stark’s database security guidelines, there are redundancies to prevent unauthorized usage,” answers Nat.

Tony snorts.

"What do you want from me?"

“What do we want from you? Uh-uh,” Fury says as Natasha gets up. “What do you want from me? You have become a problem, a problem I have to deal with. Contrary to your belief, you are not the center of my universe,” He scolds him.

In that, Natasha injects something into Tony making him scream. The conversation is overheard by Lily, but only when he complains does she turn around.

"Oh, god, are you gonna steal my kidney and sell it?" Tony asks.

Natasha moves Tony's head and Fury sees the lines on Stark's neck slowly disappear.

Fury explains what the substance they just injected does to him.

“Give me a couple of boxes of that. I'll see right as rain."

"It's not a cure, it just abates the symptoms,” Nat explains.

"You need to get back to work, Stark," Fury says and Tony sighs. "And by Stark, I mean both," He points back.

Lily realizes that he sees her and turns away.

"I don't think she wants to work as a team now."

“She has her reasons. You are a terrible companion.”

***

They all return home to Malibu. Tony and Nick sit on the terrace, now destroyed. They both talk about the reactor, the technology that Howard Stark couldn't finish, and about Vanko father and son.

Fury takes it upon himself to explain everything to Tony, while Lily returns from her room after making sure that no one had destroyed her. Nat had told him what happened with Rhodes and Tony.

The little girl walks to sit on the stairs that lead to the terrace, listening to the adults.

“You told me I hadn't tried everything. What do you mean I haven’t tried everything? What haven’t I tried?" Tony points out.

"He said that you were the only person with the means and knowledge to finish what he started.”

"He said that?"

“Are you that guy? Hmm? Are you? ‘Cause if you are, then you can solve the riddle of your heart. Or maybe, I should be discussing this with your daughter."

Tony winces and shakes his head. Lily frowns.

"I don't know where you get your information, but he wasn't my biggest fan," says Tony.

"I'm not either," adds Lily, resting her chin on her arm. Tony glances at her.

"What do you remember about your dad?"

This catches the girl's attention.

“He was cold, he was calculating. He never told me he loved me. He never even told me he liked me, so it’s a Little tough for me to digest then you’re telling me he said the whole future was riding on me an’s passing it down. I don't get that."

Hearing that, Lily feels a little sorry for Tony. Only a little. She imagines how could be her grandfather when Tony was her age.

"You're talking about a guy whose happiest day was when he shipped me off to boarding School.”

"That’s not true.”

"Well, then, clearly you knew my dad better than I did.”

“As a matter of fact, I did. You can believe and think many things about him, but knowing all that, do you really want Lily to think the same about you?" says Fury and then finishes his drink. More agents appear to drop off several suitcases. "Well then, what else will I know about one of the founding members of S.H.I.E.L.D.”

"What?"

All three get up. Lily walks over to see the suitcase.

"What’s this?" Tony asks pointing at her.

"You got this, right?" asks Fury.

"Got what? I don’t even know what I’m supposed to get,” answers Tony nervously.

“Natasha will remain a floater at Stark with her cover of her intact. And you remember Agent Coulson, right?"

“Yeah."

They both greet each other.

"Oh, and Tony,” says Fury before leaving. "After you fix this whole mess, we should talk about Lily's new training, she needs it more than you do. And remember, I got my eye on you.”

The latter makes Lily laugh.

Natasha and Coulson explain to Tony what to do and what not to do, while Lily walks over to the suitcase.

Property of H.Stark

"Okay, time to work, Kid," says Tony.

“No," Lily walks away. "We've been together for several hours and you haven't even apologized, and now you're just hoping that I'll help you?"

Tony raises an eyebrow, shifting uncomfortably.

“Basically."

Lily looks at him in disbelief.

"I don't want to, I won't help you,” She says and then returns to her room.

***

The truth is that Lily does want to help him, but she knows he doesn't deserve it. Moreover, she cannot be alone in her room doing nothing. She wants to know what’s in that suitcase, but she doesn't want Tony to find out about her.

An idea crosses her mind. She may not be the stealthiest, but she is the only thing she has. She goes into the living room of her destroyed house and presses the hidden button on the emergency elevator that goes alone to the workshop. She enters it and after a few seconds arrives at the workshop.

All the lights are off and Tony is sitting in an armchair facing a projection. Lily sneaks up behind the old project.

They both watch the old Howard Stark tapes, rehearsing the presentation of what is now Stark Expo. The man has several mistakes with words, but something else calls him the attention to the girl. Just as a little boy comes out the other side of the desk where Howard presents a model. The boy takes one of the pieces and Howard notices.

“Tony, what are you doing back there? What is that? Put that back!” He scolds him.

Lily leans in to get a better look at the boy version of her father. Now she can see the resemblance between Howard and Tony when scolding their children, but is also fun to watch.

Several takes with more errors follow.

“So, from all of us at Stark Industries, I’d like to personally show you my ass,” says Howard. Lily can't help but laugh at his words, giving away her presence. Although Tony had listened to her since she arrived.

"I know you're in there, kid. You're too curious to miss this,” She comes out of her hiding place, crawling on the ground until she reaches the other side of the projector.

"I'm still mad.”

Tony sighs.

"I know,” He leans in the chair and sets aside a notebook.

“Tony," says Howard causing both of them to return to the screen. “You’re too young to understand this right now, so I thought I would put this film for you. I built this for you. And Someday you'll realize that it represents a whole lot more than just people’s inventions. It represents my life’s work. This is the key to the future,” He shows the model and the reactor. “I'm limited by the technology of my time, but one day you'll figure this out. And when you do, you will change the world. What is and always will be my greatest creation… is you,” The tape ends.

"Do you think Grandpa Howard would love me?" Lily asks when the lights come on.

Tony laughs when he hears ‘Grandpa Howard’, he’s sure he wouldn’t like to be called that.

"I don’t know. Maybe he would love you more than me,” He looks at Lily.

"I am more adorable than you.”

Tony nods, unable to fight back. He sighs. He thinks about the words of his father and wonders why he was never like this with him when they were together. Why does he have to find out about this from a tape or from other people? Then he thinks of his own daughter and Fury's words come back to him.

Tony doesn't want Lily to grow up thinking that he was worse than Howard, he knows what he did.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you that day," He begins.

"And?" She says crossing her arms.

"And sorry for what you had to witness at the party.”

"And?"

Tony purses his lips.

“I'm sorry I failed you. I shouldn't have left you alone, or yell at you, or lie to you.”

"Nat told me that your chest was killing you,” He nods. "Didn't it occur to you to ask for help?"

“It is somewhat complicated. When you say that you are dying, everyone panics.”

"But then they help you.”

"I guess so.”

Lily feels a lump in her throat. Just remembering that, she again feels afraid of losing her father without even knowing something about what was really going on.

"I don't like that you hide things from me or lie to me," she says with a broken voice.

“Sorry."

"No, you must promise that you won’t do it again,” she interrupts him.

Tony watches Lily's determination.

"I promise.”

“Mr. Fury said we are a team. You must do your part,” she says as she gets up.

"Mr. Fury?"

"Dad!"

"Okay, okay, I got it!” He argues. In that he remembers an unfinished business. Tony stayed for a moment in the destroyed mansion and as he passed through the kitchen he saw a burned box on the sides.

He walks over to his desk with Lily following him. He removes the remains from the box and carefully takes the gift from him.

"It's a good try…”

"But you didn't even open it," she complains.

"I'm sorry, but you were missing some details.”

Lily rolls her eyes.

"I put it together by watching a video, it's not as if you had explained each part to me.”

“That can change. Do you remember the rules we agreed upon the first time you were in the workshop?" She nods. “Forget the question limit. From now on, you must ask.”

Lily can't help but smile.

“Agree."

"So, are we good now?"

"Yup, but if you do something wrong, I'll tell Mr. Fury to scold you again."

"He didn't scold me," He complains.

"Whatever you say. Now what shall we do?"

Tony sighs and then winces.

“I must go to Pepper, stay here and cover me with the secret agents. I will not be late.”

"Good luck.”

***

After a few hours, Tony returns with the demo that his father had shown on the tapes. He arms it on various tables.

“Cool," says Lily approaching.

Tony orders Jarvis to scan every detail so he can manipulate it, he takes the hologram and moves it away from the table.

“Open your eyes wide, Kid. The answer to our problems is here,” says Tony giving her a bench and he sits on another. They both look at the model.

"What do we have to look for?"

"A new element.”

“Easy," she says sarcastically.

"My father put it here, we just have to move some things,” He brings the projection towards the center, a sphere.

"He must have something at the core," Tony whispers.

Lily sees what is around.

"What if…?”

"What?"

"What if we put everything together?"

Tony frowns, but an idea crosses his mind.

Little by little, Tony is gathering the important aspects towards the center of the Expo and in each step, he’s explaining Lily. In the end he manages to find a new element, the possible solution to the problem of intoxication.

"Dead for almost twenty years, and still taking me to school,” He says watching his creation. "Nice work, Kid.”

She smiles.

"How will you make it work?" She asks.

"Unfortunately, it’s impossible to synthesize," reports Jarvis.

Tony gets up from his chair.

“Get ready for a major remodel, fellas! We're back in hardware mode. C’mon, kid.”

Between Lily and Tony - mostly Tony - they break down some walls, open the floor and use any energy source in the mansion to connect it to the workshop part. They both open some boxes that S.H.I.E.L.D left them and use every material they have on hand.

"Hold the lamp," Tony tells her.

"It's what I'm doing,” Lily claims while she also tries to see what Tony is doing.

"More to the right.”

"What does that do?"

“Gives more energy. Bring the lamp closer…”

In the meantime, neither of them notices that Phil walks into the shop.

"I heard you broke the perimeter,” says the agent.

"Whoops" says Lily.

"Uh, yeah. That was, like, three years ago. Where have you been?" Tony answers.

"I was doing some stuff.”

"Yeah, well, us too, and it worked.”

Coulson checks the boxes. He pulls out some kind of unfinished shield.

"What’s that?" asks Lily.

“It’s exactly what we need to make this work. Lily, take it,” She obeys. "Lift the coil,” He says to Coulson and between them they lift it up a bit. Enough for Lily to put it under. Tony sets the leveler. “Perfectly level. I'm busy what do you want?"

Coulson warns him that he must go on another mission and says goodbye.

"Glad to see you are a part of it, Lily.”

"It was not easy,” she answers making him laugh.

The hours pass and they both go back to work. In the end, Tony gives Lily some special glasses and explains what they will do.

The energy is concentrated in the device.

"Initializing prismatic accelerator," reports Jarvis. Suddenly a fine laser is projected and reflected off a material.

"Get behind me,” Tony orders him.

Stark operates the machine with the laser, but not before cutting part of the wall where he directs it.

"Oh oh.”

“Oops!"

With difficulty, the laser reaches the small inverted triangle that Tony prepared so that the power would be trapped there. After a few minutes, they turn off the machine. Tony approaches and with tweezers takes the triangle and puts it in the reactor. The item’s accepted.

"We did it?" Lily asks.

“We did it."

She sighs in relief, right now she feels the exhaustion. She walks over to the couch and sits on it.

"Wake me up when we're in trouble," she warns him.

"Why would we be in trouble?"

"Rhodey says we have that talent.”

"Makes sense.”

In that a beep is heard.

"Incoming call and with a blocked number, sir,” warns Jarvis.

“My phone privilege is reinstated. Lovely. Kid, we have the phone back!"

“Great," she answers from the couch.

"Coulson. How’s the land of enchantment?"

"Hey. Tony. How you doing?” The voice is unknown to Lily so she settles in the chair and leans out. "I doubled cycle."

"You what?"

“You told me double cycle’s more power. Good advice.”

"You sound pretty sprightly for a dead guy.”

"What?" whispers Lily. She gets up and walks over to Tony. He makes a sign so that she doesn't make noise.

"You too,” answers the man.

Tony removes his microphone from the call.

"Trace him,” he orders Jarvis.

“Now, the true history of Stark name will be written. Your secrets will be revealed at any moment."

"What is he talking about, dad?"

Tony ignores her and keeps checking the call.

“What your father did to my family over forty years, I will do to you in forty minutes and I will make sure your offspring disappear. I hope you're ready,” He says, and then hangs up.

Tony sees Justin Hammer's announcement at Stark Expo on another screen, and based on the coordinates of the call, Vanko may have something planned for the event. He gets up and takes the new reactor.

"Dad?"

Stark replaces the reactor in his chest, after coughing a bit, the man feels the difference.

"Time to go,” He says walking towards his armor.

"Hey! No. You promised—”

"I have to go, Lily."

“But, you must tell me what happens. You promised not to lie to me,” She gets in her way. He sighs.

"Vanko, the man who tried to kill me in Monaco, wants to do something at the Expo and I have to stop him.”

“What does he plan to do?"

"I'm not sure. You must stay here. I'll talk to Fury about sending agents here. Turn on the TV, I'm sure they'll put it on,” He continues on his way.

“Dad," He turns again. "Be careful, please.”

Tony smiles and nods.

"Stay in the workshop in case I need your help.”

"You got it.”

Taglist:

@silenthappyplace @yourbonesareinmybody @aylauwuuniverse @skittles-skittles @hufflepuffzutara @poetryislife0715 @21bruhs @heavenlymistakes @my-love-of-books @dielgonacoffee

#Iron #peter parker fanfiction #Peter Parker #Peter Parker x Oc #Peter Parker x reader #Avengers #Avengers fanfic #Marvel #Marvel fanfic #Tony Stark #Lily Stark #Stark! reader #Pepper Potts #James rhodes #Iron Man 2 #Spider man

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ishouldbestudyingprobably · 5 years ago

Note

Hey uh- could i request another barley x reader? the previous one was so cute! maybe some sort of date night one-shot? whatever you chose!❤️

Thank you so much for requesting!! I’m gonna become the CEO of Barley fanfics LOL! (I’d gratefully take that title tho)

To put you on a bit of context, this takes place AFTER the movie unlike my previous one-shot, of course I’ll try to keep it as spoiler free as possible considering the movie is going to come out to Disney + in just a few days and some of you haven’t seen it yet, but maybe I slip something so, please beware.

Also, I have been reading more fanfics in English recently and noticed they are written in a you-did-this-and-said-that way instead of how we do them in Spanish; I’ll be continuing to them in my way unless you guys tell me it annoys you or something.

WELL, SORRY FOR KEEPING YOU WAITING, LET’S GET TO IT! ALSO THIS IS SO LONG SORRY--

(Y/N) definitely had no idea how she ended up on the Lightfoot’s home. Now, listen, it’s not that she didn’t like them ‘cause she as hell did it was just confusing considering a few hours prior to that she was just walking around the neighborhood.

“Ian, come on! Show her your magic!” Barley was having a hard time since he was trying so hard to make his little brother show the girl how his magic worked and poor Ian was shy about it, sure his confidence had been boosted but, come on, that was way too much pressure.

“Barley it’s okay, really, I believe you. I bet it’s amazing and you guys make an incredible team together. Let Ian go.” the girl chuckled seeing as the smaller elf smiled thankful and made his way out of the room feeling relieved.

“What? No! Ian get back here!!” see, the boy with a cast on his arm was hoping to use his brother as an excuse to have the female the longest time possible by his side, he was definitely going to ask her on a date but needed that boost of confidence being in a room with people gave.

Although now that they were alone he wouldn’t lie saying it wasn’t enjoyable, but soon that intimate moment of piece was to be broken by the young girl standing up making the bed rigid on the side she had been sitting on.

“This was... fun. But I really should get going home, my family would be worried plus it’s lunch time and... You know.” (Y/N) tried to excuse herself as politely as possible seeing as how she didn’t want to give the impression she wasn’t having fun and didn’t enjoy the presence of the older son of the Lightfoot’s family. Barley soon realized he had to jump now and ask her out or he’d never get the chance to. “Would you like to meet me? Alone? Maybe drive around, have dinner...” the boy put on his widest smile as if that were going to make her accept his invitation.

“Wait, wait, wait, wait. Are you... Asking me out? On a date? Tonight?” the girl replied trying to hide her grin while putting a strand of her voluminous hair behind her pointy ear which had efficiently caught the male’s attention. “I wouldn’t call it a date, more like a quest to make you fall in love with me because I totally am and it would be pretty cool if you did as well? But, you could always call it a date, I wouldn’t correct you even though you’re completely wrong.” that was enough to make the small elf chuckle which made Barley’s heart skip a few beats.

“It’d be a pleasure to help you complete this quest oh-so-awesome Barley Lightfoot. How about 8? No need for formal clothes, quests don’t require suits or dresses.” now it was him who was chuckling, how couldn’t he? His friend had never ever ever played his favourite roleplaying game yet always tried her best to make as much references to it without completely failing at the process, it was adorable. “8 sounds amazing. Farewell, oh-so-cool-to-play-games (Y/N) (S/N).”

And so the time came and the bell started ringing; one, two, three, four times and just as the fifth was about to made itself present the girl rushed to the door “Okay, okay got it! I’m coming!” grabbing the door handle she opened it revealing the young elf wearing a suit -well, a modified one since the sleeves of his jacket were completely gone and decided to wear jeans with the suit, formal for sure- contrasting with her usual clothing. “We said no dressing up!” the boy just shrugged and clearing his throat he moved to the side revealing Guinevere 2 in all its glory. “Shall we get going?” the girl smiled and gladly accepted getting out and making sure to close the door.

They made their way to the van and Barley hurried to open the door of the passenger seat bowing as his friend got inside and closed the door trying -and failing- to hide his smile. As soon as they were both seated the boy opened her mouth and took a folded piece of paper from his pocket. “So, (Y/N)... I hope your ready for our quest because I’ve been planning this all day!” slowly the boy opened the folded paper showing a drawn map of different places in Mushroomton that he thought would be of interest and appropriate for a date surprising his companion in the process. “Did you realy do that? That’s so impressive…” the male just smiled and motioned for her to hold the map and turned on the engine.

“Now my incredible partner, tell me, which is the first stop?” he couldn’t help the excitement his tone glad everything was going according to plan at the moment.

“Uhm, well, the exciting-full-of-teenagers house of fun?” what kind of name was that? The drawing didn’t really gave much about the place either, not only because his art skills weren’t exactly… Clear?

But because he modified them to be fitting on the Quests of Yore world. “Heading there!” and just like that the car drive began. They both were constantly talking and joking, it may have been a date-quest thing but after all they were still friends, why would they be quiet?

When they finally arrived to the place she got out the car excited to see what it was about and found a luminous neon sign indicating the entry to the arcade.

“The arcade was the exciting-full-of-teenagers house?” again the elf just shrugged grinning which made the female roll her eyes. “Amazing! I’m actually thinking this is going to be the greatest day of my life…”

What can I say? Videogames were definitely something they both were extremely good at and that sparked a tiny competition between them. Driving games? You bet! That knock the clown game that’s always typically seen in carnivals at those cheesy romantic movies? Yup! In the end they decided to count the tickets each one got to decide a winner.

“I’ve got… 238 tickets, how about you, Lightfoot?” the boy didn’t seem happy and (Y/N) soon knew he was dreading his defeat. “I got 197....” mockery could be heard from the female’s lips before they cut off the rivalry and decided to combine both of their tickets getting 435 tickets which were enough for…

“A unicorn rubber?!” the girl sighed as they were gettin in the car again. “I hate this stupid games, they’re fun but you alway have to win around a billion tickets to actually WIN something.” she continued ranting, something Barley found really entertaining but cut her off mid sentence as they were running out of time. “When did you have to get home?” it effectively cut her off. There was a small silence

before she could respond “Around 10 I believe, you know how they are…” he just nodded and looked at his watch; it was 9:17 meaning they had to do a shortcut on their plans.

“Okay, we’re runnin out of time, skip the following two places and tell me the next one after them.” she did as asked and traced the drawn road with her fingers. “It says brainwash.” an odd name for sure.

“Brainwash it is.”

Of course, brainwash was referring to movies, they were going to watch a movie specifically a drive in movie, is there anything more romantic than that? No.

“Barley… This is so sweet, thank you! What movie are they playing?” turning her head towards the giggly boy she asked nothing but amusement in her face. “No idea. I’m gonna go grab popcorn, make yourself comfortable on top of Guinevere 2, please.” just like that he was gone and (Y/N) had a new adventure, finding the way she could get on the van’s roof.

After a while Barley got back with a huge stack of popcorn finding her loved one on the roof, smiling to himself he admired all of her features. Soon he got on top shaking the oh-so-special van on the process. “Here’s the popcoooorn!” he announced with an excited tone and put them between him and the girl.

The movie was ten minutes in and no noise was heard but the sound of chewing popcorn. Leaning in the female asked in the boy’s ear “Do you like this movie?” he replied in a whisper “No it’s so boring.” that’s when they both started laughing being shushed by the cars around them. “Let’s get out of here. We still have twenty minutes left.” Without bothering to take the popcorn they both walked north finding a calm forest where they laid on the grass looking at the sky. “So, Barley, is it true? That you like me?”

That was a very direct question he definitely wasn’t prepared for “Well, of course it is! You’re an incredible girl, an incredible friend and I bet you’d be an incredible girlfriend!” the girl chuckled making Barley’s heart melt. And then, he asked “Do you like me?”. Silence hurts, so much, but before any assumption could be made she replied “Yes, of course I do.”

Silence again.

“So, have you completed your quest now?” (Y/N) curiously asked. “I still have one more thing to do.” and, the kiss came.

QUEST COMPLETED.

Oh boy was that long... Hope you enjoyed your request and for everyone else, request! Don't be shy!

TAGLIST:

@ferox-imagines @s-ferox

#onward x reader #onward #barley lightfoot x reader #barley x reader #barley lightfoot #barley #ian lightfoot #ian #onward barley

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bangtansflower · 5 years ago

Text

Smitten Chapter 5

A/N: Jiyoung is Y/N mum - she was mentioned by Chungha in the very first chapter~ This is my longest chapter yet and I honestly am surprised haha But I wanted to flesh the chapters out more! I do hope it doesn't drag on though! Give me your thoughts! Also for the purpose of the fic even though real names are different in the fic im gonna mix it up because it is fake after all! There is also a little time overlay when scenes shift so I hope I made it clear enough!~ I also may go through it again and tweak it slightly before i upload the next chapter. In the next chapter I'll be able to fill in some of what's missing~ Also comments please do give as they give me motivation and I like to know if people enjoy what I'm posting 🙏❤️

Warnings: Swearing, a lot of fighting, a massacre scene (its brief but a warning will appear so you can skip if want - 238 words), jealous Jungkook, angst, a lot of anger (everyone seems to be very angry these days).

Word Count: 4,562

Masterlist / Previous / Next (Coming soon)

Taglist: @captainsjoongs @xanny91

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Chungha: Y/N! We always spend it together on Saturdays though!

You chuckled, you could practically her voice imagining the pout on her face, which made you giggle to yourself more catching the attention of your mum. “What are you giggling about?” She looked at you with a playful smile on her face. Shaking your head grinning you start typing away on your mobile “Oh nothing, just Chungha being Chungha wanting to spend today together as always” making your mum laugh. “Well you two are attached to the hip, as we always said sisters by bond not blood”, she pushed a plate towards. Mouth nearly watering you put your phone down opting to finish replying later, the cheese and bacon toastie too good to pass up. You take a bite chewing your food slowly in deep thought, your mum clears her throat catching your attention. Looking up you catch her questioning gaze, letting out a small sigh you pout slightly putting your food down on the table “Why didn’t she tell me? And worst of all how did I not notice that she was a werewolf I should have noticed straight away considering every year we would visit the guys!” Your voice gains more confidence as you speak. “And to top it off we live in a community where practically half of the people are werewolves!” You only stop when your mum holds a hand up making you shut up. You decide to take another bite of your toastie whilst observing your mum as she looks back at you. “She will have her reasons Y/N, you don't love her any less do you?” At this you immediately shake your head - you did love her, she was your sister till the end, sensing your thoughts a soft smile graced your mother's face. “She will tell you when she is ready, and considering the community it is a surprise because me, who has grown up with werewolves, should have definitely noticed all the signs. But it is no surprise, Seoul is a great place for a werewolf community, it is out of the way and a beautiful place”. You scoffed when your mother said beautiful place “It can be beautiful at times you mean” you pointed out to your mother, a flash of Jungkooks smile and brown eyes went through your thoughts making your heart flutter. A loving smile appeared on your face, he made it beautiful, you think to yourself before you go wide eyed shaking your head pushing those thoughts out of your head. Looking up you see your mother leaning on the counter, her own toastie in her hands smirking at you, narrowing your eyes at her you make a zipping notion on your lips and go back to eating making your mother laugh out loud. A buzz of your mobile made you jump slightly reminding you that you had to reply to Chunga.

Chunga: Please come over! It is Saturday and Saturday is sister day! Besides I got invited to Jimin and Taehyung's place for a small gathering! This is a brilliant way for you to meet some new people, and I am sure that a certain person whose name begins with J and ends in K will be there~

Your heart fluttered more knowing that if you were to go today you would be able to speak more to Jungkook, the only times you could talk to him was in school, neither one of you had yet asked for the others number, both too shy to do so. Biting your lip you feel conflicted, glancing up you see your mum with an excited smile on her face, making your decision you let out a defeated smile.

Y/N: Sorry Chungha, you know I wouldn't miss this in the world, but I am going to see the guys with my mum and she is extremely excited! If I am free later I will for sure meet up with you though!

Almost immediately you got a reply making your mother laugh as she left the room to get her coat.

Chungha: I’m going to kill Jiyoung for ripping sisters day apart! Tell her I love her though. And if you do decide to come later I’ll come pick you up! And most of all when am I going to meet these guys you always go to see?! I only have said hi to them at school and then they run away.

“Mum! Chungha said she is going to kill you but she still loves you!” You shout laughing making your way to the hallway grabbing your shoes, sitting on the little bench putting them on. Jiyoung just shrugged a smirk on her face putting her coat on “She can try and kill me but she wont have any of the steak I cook ever again”. This only made you laugh more reaching for your own coat before opening the door. “I’m excited to see all my boys again, but I wonder why they decided to move to our town?”. Your mother asked, making you shrug, “If we stay here we won’t get answers, they refused to tell me without you there”. Getting into the car you couldn't help but feel a slight sickness in your stomach, something was coming.

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Growling slightly at her phone Chungha went to throw it on the couch but a hand stopped her. Glancing to her side he was Namjoon looking at her, his eyes serious. Gulping she calmed down taking a deep breath and decided to sit on the couch instead.

“She left me on read...again” furrowing her eyebrows she felt upset. Normally if Jiyoung wanted to spend time with them she would tag along, not exclude one or the other. She knew she couldn’t be mad as she was hiding the fact she was a werewolf from you, but these boys were normal, why did they have to be a secret. “Is she going to see those guys again” a growl came from the door making her and Namjoon look up in shock. Slowly Chungha nodded not breaking eye contact from Jungkook, who looked a combination of angry and tired. “She’s not going alone” at this she saw the boys eyes narrow slightly, Namjoon's hand patted her shoulder encouraging her to continue. Gulping she licked her lips, quickly looking at Namjoon then back at Jungkook who had taken a few steps towards her, he was waiting. “She has gone with her mother, her mother was excited to see those guys too” she whispered looking down at her hands which rested on her knees. Jungkooks growl grew louder, snapping her head up her eyes widened at the sight of Jungkook’s golden eyes. “Her mum?” He whispered back “She is going to those strangers house with her mum? I should have claimed her before all of this.” His voice getting louder and louder with each word he spoke “If only i wasn’t such a wimp about it all then perhaps she wouldn’t be going over to those guys house doing whatever it is they are doing!” The Anger Jungkook held inside was nearly erupting, and even though it wasn’t intentionally aimed at Chungha she couldn’t help but cower grabbing Namjoons arm trying to make a barrier between herself and the angry werewolf. “Jungkook” a deep authoritative voice called out making the angry boy take a step back, his anger shutting down almost immediately, Jungkook’s eyes slowly fading back to brown looked into Namjoons eyes, whose in turn has turned golden. “It is not Chungha’s fault Jungkook. You know this better than anybody” he stated resting his hand on the top of Chungha’s head trying to calm the shaking girl down, which worked slightly. Trembling himself Jungkook dropped on his knees in front of her and let out a whimper bending his head slightly letting her know he was sorry. Tears falling down her face Chungha let go of Namjoons arm and reached out to hug Jungkook, he happily returned it knowing he was forgiven by his pack mate. Namjoon watched the two and his heart went out to the both of them, many thought that a mate was the only type of bond out there, but there was a second, the one that Chungha and Y/N have. It is a secondary bond that happens when two friends are as close as real siblings. He shook his head as he thought of Jimin and Taehyung, the only ones in the main brach pack to have this bond, the trouble those two can get into.

Whipping his head up he furrowed his eyebrows, thoughts attuning to the argument that was occuring closer and closer. All three of them looked towards the door paying attention to two voices clearly arguing with each other, eyes trained on the door an angry Yoongi barged in with a displeased Hoseok behind him. “What is the matter with you two?” Namjoon questioned walking towards the two trying to calm them both. Hoseok gave the alpha an exasperated look pointing at Yoongi “Tell him just because they moved around a lot doesn’t imply that they are hunters! Just because they have wandered to some werewolf communities doesn’t mean that they are there to slaughter our own!” at this Yoongi scoffed and gave daggers to Hoseok, “You clearly aren’t thinking right then! They obviously are not werewolves because we would have noticed straight away, and it’s weird that they have travelled from place to place not staying long!” He rebutted eyes flashing gold. Hoseok’s patience was wearing thin, flashing golden eyes back he would have thrown a punch at his fellow pack mate if it wasn’t for the alpha standing in the middle of them both. “Both of you sit. Now” Namjoon ordered glaring at them both, he really was going to need a miracle to settle everything. Sensing the two pack brothers settling down on opposite ends of the room, still shouting at each other he rubbed his head sensing a headache oncoming. Chungha and Jungkook sat next to each other on the couch, eyes flickering between the two men. Jungkook wanted to speak up knowing full well it was about Y/N but he kept his mouth shut, daring a glance at the angry alpha he saw he was trying to keep it together. He truly felt bad for him and regretted his previous actions even more. “Yoongi, I am assuming you have found something in order for this argument to happen?” Namjoon looked tiredly at Yoongi, which made the latter flinch in guilt. Quietly he replied “Yes I did, I don’t know where they originally came from, they just seemed to have appeared out of nowhere but I do know they have been to a few major werewolf communities, Daegu and Ulan just to name two.” A small growl came from Hoseok’s side of the room making Namjoon narrow his eyes at the elder, all he got was a shrug in return. Damn he really is angry Jungkook spoke to Chungha in their minds and she slightly nodded, showing she agreed eyes not leaving the scene in front of her. Sighing at Hoseok, Namjoon decided to continue “And because of this you assume that they are hunters?” Nodding Yoongi ruffled his hair “It is the only explanation that I can think off”. “It’s a shit explanation. They could be friends travelling! You don’t even know them!” Hoseok blew up growling at his close friend. “Well do you have any idea then? Because I sure as fucking hell don’t! I just find something is off about them and it is fucking pissing me off”. The two angry werewolves made eye contact teeth bared ready to shift.

“Both of you shut the fuck up, your giving Namjoon a headache and causing more problems that needs be” both werewolves didn’t notice the eldest enter the room and cowered slightly at the anger he radiated. Glancing at each other they both nodded and silently went back to their previous spots making Namjoon sigh in relief. The alpha bowed his head slightly in thanks to the newcomer. “Now you guys have settled I want to inform you all of something we have been missing from the start”. Jungkook perked his head up at this intrigued in the new news that the eldest of the pack was going to give, Seokjin could have been pack leader, but he felt that it was best left to Namjoon, prefering to be in the shadows, the backbone of the main pack. “What did you find Jin? Will it answer all the questions we have?” Namjoon prayed that it did, he didn’t know how much longer he could take of it all. Sighing, Seokjin gave Namjoon a shake of the head “Unfortunately not. I wish it did but it doesn’t. At least it’s a start though.” Clearing his throat he made his way to a spare chair and situated himself so he was facing the pack members present. “The younger ones won’t remember this” he made a gesture towards Chungha and Jungkook, who was trying not to speak up and tell him to hurry up. “And you guys were slightly younger so you won’t remember a lot.” He tilted his head squinting “Even I don’t, I had to go ask my parents if they knew anything. They told me that when Y/N’s mother Jiyoung was pregnant, she left town to go somewhere else to have her child, and a month or two later came back with a baby Y/N. What if those people are from her mother's home town? Or city? It would make sense why they know each other.” The news made everyone go deep in thought, especially Jungkook. It did make sense, why they were so close to each other. But why was she extremely close to Mingyu, did she like him? No she wouldn’t, he was pretty sure that she was feeling the mate pull too. He was pulled out of his thoughts by Namjoon’s voice “Come on guys, let's do more digging, now that we have someplace to start.” Balling his hands to fists, Jungkook believed that they would find out sooner or later.

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Jimin and Taehyung were getting bored. All they have done all day is watch the full house, watching them in the garden and trying to listen to what is going on, though it was hard with the amount of noise that was going on. Groaning Jimin sat down on a log, throwing his head back he wanted to scream. “How much longer till they go? I am bored out of mind here, I don’t mind doing this because it is Jungkook’s mate and these guys are a mystery but they could have at least come to relieve us” he moaned which made Taehyung chuckle. “Just think though we can use this to our advantage, we can make Jin make us lots of food in repayment” a smirk grew on the smaller boys face, “hmmm steak, kimchi, bibimbap and more” his stomach grumbled in agreement. The two boys carried on talking to each other half paying attention to what was going on in the house, not noticing three others watching them in return and not noticing that Jiyoung left the house without Y/N.

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A warm breeze rushed through the forest and garden, a slight chill within the warmth, hinting at a cold winter to come. Seungcheol sipped his ice coffee, not really paying attention to the younger members of the pack messing around by the pool, his eyes slowly wandering over to where the two other werewolves were hidden. “They have been watching us since Y/N and Jiyoung have arrived don’t you think that it is odd?” Jisoo, or Joshua he prefered to be called, pointed out. “It is weird, but they haven’t made any move yet. It must be because we are strangers in their area” Jeonghan shrugged watching the younger ones of the pack move to pour a bucket of water over a sleeping Wonwoo. “I’m going to have to talk with their pack leader” sighed Seungcheol, “I don’t want them constantly watching us or else a fight will occur”. “Hoshi has already threatened and so has Woozi, and you know we can’t stop them” he groaned. Why did it have to be difficult, all they wanted was to be with Y/N. And Jiyoung. “Don’t worry i’ll come with you, you need me there anyway as you suck explaining why they cannot tell we are werewolves” Jeonghan pointed out the obvious, laughing as an angry Wonwoo chased Chan around the pool, the others hiding leaving him as sacrifice. Joshua laughed along with him whilst Seungcheol just shook his head. A rumble of a car meant that Seokmin and Mingyu were nearly back from dropping Jiyoung off. Minhao waltz in the garden, sunglasses on his face and watched the chaos that was unfolding, how did I end up with these idiots, he laughed to himself. “Wonwoo I think you're missing someone” Jun pointed out Seungkwan's hiding spot “Hey no fair!” the younger boy shouted pointing at Jun, gulping when he saw Wonwoo with Chan in a headlock. “Yah, Wonwoo, you know it's some fun right?” He chuckled lightly getting ready to run. Wonwoo nodded at this, threw Chan into the pool and ran after Seungkwan which made him scream and run. Minghao face palmed.

“Is Y/N still napping?” Woozi asked taking one of the spare seats ignoring what was happening in the garden. “Yeah she is, she seems so tired recently, I don’t think she is getting enough sleep” Jeonghan furrowed his eyebrows, a look of concern over her face. “I’m sure she will be fine, it is Y/N after all” a new voice perked up. “Are they still watching us though? As I will go over there. I didn’t learn taekwondo for nothing you know? My human form is just as strong as my wolf form” Hoshi pointed out. “They are still there but they don’t really seem to be paying attention anymore” Joshua answered “And I don’t think Seunghcheol wants any confrontation” he added as an after thought knowing full well Hoshi would go over which meant that Woozi would too. Shrugging Hoshi decided to leave it “Okay then, whilst you all watch them i’m gonna go swimming. Hoshi dived into the pool and when he resurfaced he saw Seungkwan and Vernon in a headlock by Wonwoo. He was one werewolf he was glad to have on his side. He laughed as the latter threw the two boys into the pool before taking his previous napping spot.

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Jungkook barged out of the room, causing the others to follow. This was the worst dream you had, he could feel your fear, the dread, the overwhelming sadness. The human part of him knew what he was doing was wrong, he could hear his pack mates trying to stop him, but the wolf in him had taken over, his mate was in pain and he needed to see her. Even if he couldn’t stop it.

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Sitting up you sob, shaking you try to stand but fall. Seokmin, who had come to wake you up to let you know dinner was ready could tell something was wrong. Making eye contact with him you let burst into more tears and whimper “Seokminnie”, he was by your side in an instant. Rubbing your back he started to rock you placing kisses on your head trying to calm you down. “It’s okay, I am here, I am here and never going to leave you.” The two of you stayed like that for a while, thanking the others didn’t come into the room, even though they could tell something was wrong. “You going to tell me what is wrong?” he said quietly disturbing the silence. You sniffle and close your eyes. Taking a deep breath you start to speak, trying to hold it together. “I’ve been having dreams Seokminnie, dreams which i haven’t told anyone about before” humming to show he was listening and understanding you carry on. “There was so much blood, tons of it, usually it is just about a lone wolf, but this time all of you guys were in it. They tortured you Seok” you burst into tears again “not only you but Chan, Seungkwan, Mingyu, all of you and that brown wolf”. Closing your eyes you could see the massacre. “There were many other wolves too”

Start of the mini massacre scene - Skip the italics if you dont want to read!

You were on your knees, you couldn’t scream. In front of you the dead wolf of Seungcheol lay, his usually pristine light brown and white fur matted with blood, Chan screaming in pain as the hunters laughed stabbing him slowly with a knife, causing extreme pain and a slow death. Seokmin lay against a broken tree barely breathing, blood gushing out of his wounds, a small pale brown wolf which almost looked white in certain light lay dead, a tree trunk stabbing her ripping a giant hole in the middle of her body. It felt a lot like Chunha. Blood covered most of the surrounding area, bodies of werewolves in both forms lay around, dead or near death. A whimper came from behind you and you made eye contact with those familiar eyes of gold, gasping you crawl as best as you can to the dying wolf. Most of his bones were broken, a large wound in his side poured a continuous stream of blood, no matter how hard you tried it didn’t stop. Sobbing you cradle the dying wolf in your arms “I love you, I love you so much” you confess as a hunter came up behind you “It’s too late little one” he chuckled grabbing your hair yanking your head back as a knife neared your bare throat making the broken wolf in your arms whimper, eyes widening as he witnessed your throat being slit.

End of mini massacre scene

Seokmin wondered if these dreams were linked to the mating bond. You had no idea of the customs of the werewolf community as they tried to keep you out of it as much as they could so you wouldn’t know about the dreams. But he couldn’t help but get angry at the wolf that refused to claim you and would rather let your mind be ripped apart. If he ever met this werewolf he was gonna rip him to shreds. He carried on rocking you till you were okay enough to stand and go down for dinner, but before he did he made sure that your face was all scrubbed so you looked nice and fresh to face the others. You smile at him hip bumping him, “Thanks Seok '' you reach out and squeeze his hand which he gladly returned. “Hey that’s what i'm here for” he stated as if it was the most obvious thing in the words before dragging you downstairs.

“Y/N!” Jeonghan called as soon as he saw you come outside, he was worried for you but knew you would tell him later on, or Seokmin. Grinning you run to him and you were immediately engulfed in a warm hug. Because your face was squished in his chest you missed the serious look Seokmin gave the latter. Kissing your forehead he gave you a loving smile “You okay?” he looked at you worriedly and you pat his cheeks, “yes of course I am! Seokmin was there to cheer me up as always” causing Jeonghan to roll his eyes and a smirk to appear on Seokmins. “Come on you slow pokes we all are getting hungry here!” a grumpy Mingyu called out, causing all of you to laugh “Okay okay mr grumpy, we shan’t keep you away from your food any longer!” You ruffle his hair which made him grunt and took a seat next to him. “Where is Chan and Seungkwan?” Joshua questioned looking around for the two of the youngest, it was unusual as those two never missed dinner. Sensing something was wrong the guys all stood up and looked towards the forest, causing you to grab the nearest guys hand, which was Mingyus, for comfort. You were not used to these situations arising. Two large familiar werewolves ran into the garden with two unrecognisable wolves chasing them. The two new wolves were fairly large, rivelling the wolf forms of Seungkwan and Chan. Chan was a pure dark grey wolf, which he found boring but you found it made him look majestic. Seungkwan's wolf form you always called Boots, he was a dusty blonde wolf with dark brown around his paws which reminded you of boots. He was slightly smaller than Chan, which annoyed him to no end, but it made you giggle. The other two wolves growled teeth bared, the dark chocolate wolf bigger than the silver grey wolf which had a white tip tail. They sure did not look happy. “Jimin! Taehyung! Back off now” a voice called out causing the two new wolves to falter in their positions and whimper. Hang on, I know those names, you perked up face draining of colour when you saw Namjoon, wait Chungha? Chungha is with them? Well fuck. You thought. This was going to be a mess. Making eye contact with Chungha she gave you a smile and you immediately relaxed, somehow knowing things would be alright.

Oh how you were wrong. What you didn’t notice was that Jungkook was growling at Jeonghan both eyes turning golden as they neared each other not noticing what was going on in their surroundings. Their only focus was on each other. Jungkook had seen the loving smile the blonde haired boy had given you, he had also seen the hug and the forehead kiss. Jealousy was an understatement. And now he knew that he was a werewolf, even if he didn’t smell like one, he was gonna rip him to shreds. Without shifting Jungkook threw a punch to Jeonghan's face causing the blonde haired boy to have a nose bleed. Tutting he wiped his nose “Now that’s not nice, we’ve only just met” he said before throwing a punch back. He may not be as strong as Jungkook but he sure did have speed. “Jungkook what the fuck are you doing?!” A scream shout pulled the two boys apart from their fight, you ran towards the two boys tears streaming down your face, you somehow dodged the hands of the other boys who tried to stop you from getting in the middle of the fight. Seeing Jungkook with a bust lip made you cry even more, your heart went out for him, making eye contact with him he could see the disappointment in your eyes, but also underlying concern. “Y/N…” He went to take a step forward towards you but you broke eye contact with him and ran to Jeonghan instead, cupping his face examining his bleeding nose. Jungkooks heart shattered, did you really choose that werewolf over him? You sobbed more whilst Jeonghan tried comforting you, the others not daring to get any closer, waiting for the right moment, or an order from their respected alphas. After making sure that Jeonghan was okay you turned around and stared at Jungkook, he was taken aback by the anger in your eyes. “Jungkook. Why the fuck did you think it was okay to go and hit my brother?”

#BTS jungkook #bts au fanfic #jeon jeongkook #bts jungkook #jungkook #werewolf jungkook x reader #werewolf bts x reader #werewolf jungkook #werewolf bts #bts werewolf au #bts jungkook x reader #jungkook x reader #jungkook x you #jeon jungguk #jeon jungkook

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haosvteen · 5 years ago

Text

send your requests!!

a/n: send in a number with a member and i will write it :) feel free to send in more than one number! i can also do these at a text au! love you all <3 (there’s 265 prompts so a lot to choose from)

masterlist

Angst:

1: “ Not you again.. ”

2: “ Leave me alone. ”

3: “ Why do you hate me? ”

4: “ I thought you loved me. ”

5: “ I don’t need you anymore. ”

6: “ I can’t believe you! ”

7: “ We can't keep this up forever. ”

8: “ Don’t leave me… ”

9 “ I never meant to hurt you. ”

10: “ Are you upset with me? ”

11: “ I wish I’d never met you. ”

12: “ Please don’t hurt me like this. ”

13: “ Thanks for nothing. ”

14: “ Don't call this number again. “

15: “ You need to leave. ”

16: “ I’m sick. ”

17: “ There was never an us. ”

18: “ So that’s it? It’s over? ”

19: “ I came to say goodbye. ”

20: “ I don’t deserve to be loved. ”

Love:

21: “ I’m so in love with you. ”

22: “ Isn’t this amazing? ”

23: “ I wish we could stay like this forever. ”

24: “ Will you marry me? ”

25: “ I need a hug. ”

26: “ You’re special to me. ”

27: “ I’m going to keep you safe. ”

28: “ Do you trust me? ”

29: “ Can I kiss you right now? ”

30: “ You’re cute when you’re angry. ”

31: “ We’d make such a cute couple. ”

32: “ Can we cuddle? ”

33: “ It’s lonely here without you. ”

34: “ I can’t stand the thought of losing you. ”

35: “ Shut up and kiss me already. ”

36: “ Are you flirting with me? ”

37: “ Is that my shirt? ”

38: “ You own my heart. ”

39: “ I want to protect you. ”

40: “ What's the matter? ”

41: “ Did you do something different with your hair? ”

42: “ Stop being so cute. ”

43: “ You’re making me blush! ”

44: “ You’re teasing me again… ”

45: “ They’re going to love you, don’t worry! ”

46: “ Oh, Are you ticklish? ”

47: “ Of course I remembered! ”

48: “ You’re one hell of a girl. ”

49: “ Are you jealous? ”

50: “ Hold me and never let me go. ”

51: “ Stop hogging all the blankets! ”

52: “Let's run away together. ”

General:

53: “ Catch me if you can! ”

54: “ I’m fine. ”

55: “ Are you drunk? ”

56: “ We can't go in there… ”

57: “ Give it back! ”

58: “ Well this is just great. ”

59: “ Don’t touch me. ”

60: “ Not sure if you could tell, but I’m not exactly a people person. ”

61: “ This was fun— Let's do it again sometime!”

62: “ I didn’t do it! ”

63: “ I did it… ”

64: “ I don’t remember that! ”

65: “ Well that’s pretty rude of you to say. ”

66: “ Get that thing away from me! ”

67: “ You owe me. ”

68: “ Why are you naked? ”

69: “ You did what?! ”

70: “ You have… Superpowers? ”

71: “ Why are you bleeding? ”

72: “ Don’t make me come over there myself! ”

73: “ That wasn’t funny. ”

74: “ This tastes horrible. ”

75: “ This is delicious! ”

76: “ Are you mad at me? ”

77: “ Stop ignoring me… ”

78: “ I love that show too! ”

79: “ Can I borrow that book of yours?”

80: “Let's blow this joint. ”

81: “ Let me help you with that. ”

82: “ Take that back! ”

83: “ Wanna go see a movie with me? ”

84: “ No way, that’s so lame. ”

85: “ What are you listening to? ”

86: “ I brought you your coffee. ”

87: “ Run! ”

88: “Let's run away together. ”

89: “ I haven’t slept in four days… ”

90: “ Your turn to do the dishes. ”

91: “ Was I really that drunk? ”

92: “Give me back my phone! ”

93: “ Are you cold? ”

94: “ This place gives me the creeps. ”

95: “ I swear my house is haunted. ”

96: “ Did you hear that? ”

97: “ It’s just your imagination. ”

98: “ Just how stupid do you think I am? ”

99: “ Go back to bed. ”

100: “ Are you okay? ”

101: “ Thanks for helping me back there. ”

102: “ Since when have we ever been friends? “

103: “ What on earth are you wearing? ”

104: “ I can’t feel my legs! ”

105: “ Put me down! ”

106: “ There’s only one bed… ”

107: “ It isn’t what it looks like! Okay.. Maybe it is… ”

108: “ I read your diary. ”

109: “ This is awkward. ”

110: “ Do you think you can teach me that? ”

111: “That’s starting to get annoying.”

112: “Hey, hey, calm down. They can’t hurt you anymore.”

113: “I’m too sober for this.”

114: “I’m not here to make friends.”

115: “I need a place to stay.”

116: “Well, that’s tragic.” Jun

117: “You’re seriously like a man-child.”

118: “You can’t banish me! This is my bed too!”

119: “The ladies love a guy who’s good with kids.”

120: “Dear Diary…”

121: “She’s hiding behind the sofa.”

122: “They’re so cute when they’re asleep.”

123: “I’d kill for a coffee…literally.”

124: “You’re getting crumbs all over my bed.”

125: “Good thing I didn’t ask for your opinion.”

126: “What’s the matter, sweetie?”

127: “You’re Satan.”

128: “I don’t want to hear your excuse. You can’t just give me wet-willies.”

129: “I’m bulletproof…but please, don’t shoot me.”

130: “Did you just hiss at me?”

131: “Do you really need all that candy?”

132: “It’s six o’clock in the morning, you’re not having vodka.”

133: “I swear, I’m not crazy!!!”

134: “The diamond in your engagement ring is fake.”

135: “No. Regrets.”

136: “I haven’t slept in ages.”

137: “I locked the keys in the car.”

138: “Are you sure that’s the decision you want to make?”

139: “Take your medicine.”

140 “They’re monsters.”

141: “Welcome to fatherhood.”

142: “Why can’t you appreciate my sense of humor?”

143: “It’s your turn to make dinner.”

144: “The kids, they ambushed me.”

145: “Sorry isn’t going to help when I kick your ass!”

146: “Stop being so cute.”

147: “I feel like I can’t breathe.”

148: “You need to see a doctor.”

149: “It was a joke, baby. I swear.”

150: “I didn’t think you could get any less romantic.”

151: “Safety first. What are you? FIVE?”

152: “This is girl talk, so leave.”

153: “You’re a nerd.”

154: “I’m late.”

155: “Just get home as soon as possible, okay?”

156: “You smell like a wet dog.”

157: “I could punch you right now.”

158: “Are you going to talk to me?”

159: “Welcome back. Now fucking help me.”

160: “If you can’t sleep…we could have sex?”

161: “Here, take my blanket.”

162: “I don’t want you to stop.”

163: “How could I ever forget about you?”

164: “You’re bleeding all over my carpet.”

165: “Run for it!”

166: “We need to talk.”

167: “Just smile, I really need to see you smile right now.”

168: “I’m not wearing a dress.”

169: “I’m not wearing a tie.”

170: “Don’t argue. Just do it.”

171: “I hope I’m never stuck with you on a deserted island.”

172: “Hold still.”

173: “I just ironed these pants.”

174: “Enough with the sass!”

175: “Show me what’s behind your back.”

176: “I’m not going to be sympathetic until you go to a doctor.”

177: “Stay awake.”

178: “STOP INTERRUPTING ME!”

179: “You’re not interested, are you?”

180: “I’m not buying Ikea furniture again.”

181: “Tell me you need me.”

182: “Oh honey, I’d never be jealous of you.”

183: “I’m telling you. I’m haunted.”

184: “I had a bad dream again.”

185: “It’s Christmas, don’t be mad at me.”

186: “What did I say about doing reckless things without me? It’s less fun, isn’t it?”

187: “Okay, that is exactly what we are not going to do.”

188: “Can you chill for one minute? I want to get ice cream.”

189: “You want me to kill them? I’m free Tuesday.”

190: “If we weren’t in a small diner, I would have killed you by now.”

191: “Oh sorry, I just don’t care.”

192: “Ever just laugh because your life is a joke?”

193: “Was that your attempt to kill me? Cute.”

194: “You act like I’m doing this to be a jerk, but I swear I’m not. I want you to be safe more than anything.”

195: “Are you mocking me?”

196: “Oh sorry, did I forget to tell you?”

197: “You look like you need a band-aid.”

198: “Can you calm down for one second? I’m trying to save us.”

199: “I kinda wanna go get ice cream, but I also kinda wanna throw an ax.”

200: “You talk a lot of trash for someone with such a breakable neck.”

NSFW: 201: “ Bite me. ”

202: “ Fuck me. ”

203: “ Do you like it when I touch you like that?”

204: “ Okay.. This is new. ”

205: “ Want to head back to my place and have a little fun? ”

206: “ You’re in trouble now. ”

207: “ What a pretty sight. ”

208: “ Bend over. ”

209: “ On your knees. ”

210: “ The food looks great but... There’s something much more delicious i’d like

to eat right now. ”

211: “ Lay back. ”

212: “ Take off your clothes. ”

213: “ Well, fine; just this once. ”

214: “ I’m waiting. ”

215: “ You’re so beautiful. ”

216: “ As you wish. ”

217: “ First one to make a noise loses.”

218: “ You have no idea what you do to me. ”

219: “ If you’re bored; Wanna have sex? ”

220: “ I've wanted this for so long. ”

221: “ Car sex looks so much easier in the movies. ”

222: “ Can I touch you? ”

223: “ Open up. ”

224: “ No strings attached. ”

225: “ Already? Do I really have that much of an effect on you? ”

226: “ Mine. ”

227: “ The nights still young. ”

228: “ We can't do that here! ”

229: “ Behave. ”

230:“ What did you just say? ”

231: “ Good girl. ”

232: “ Come here. ”

Soulmate AUs:

233: You get a craving for whatever your soulmate is eating at the time.

234: You have the first words your soulmate says to you somewhere on your

body (and vice versa).

235: You have your soulmate’s name somewhere on your body.

236: Everyone is able to see each other’s aura. You and your soulmate have the same-colored aura, and you will stop seeing auras completely after you meet them.

237: You can communicate telepathically with your soulmate.

238: Your internal voice is the voice of your soulmate’s, rather than your own.

239: You can feel what your soulmate is feeling (and vice versa).

240: Anything you draw/write on your own skin appears on your soulmate’s.

241: You have tattoo(s) of the things your soulmate loves.

242: You have a compass on your body that leads you to where your soulmate is.

243: If you dye your hair, your soulmate’s hair color changes as well.

244: You have the date that you’ll meet your soulmate tattooed somewhere on your body.

245: You have a tattoo that changes color depending on what your soulmate is feeling.

246: You share a dream with your soulmate when you’re both asleep.

247: Everyone has a journal that allows them to write back and forth with their soulmate.

248: The outline of your shadow is your soulmate.

249: You have a tattoo of how old your soulmate will be when you meet.

250: You have a tattoo of your soulmate’s initials.

251: Every so often you will get flashes of what your soulmate is seeing at the time, however, your soulmate does not know when it happens.

252: You will receive the same injuries as your soulmate (unless deadly).

253: You can taste what your soulmate is eating at the time.

254: You get flowered tattoos wherever your soulmate receives a scar.

255: Once a year, starting on your 16th birthday, soulmates swap bodies for a day if they have not met yet.

256: Your chest will glow when you get close to your soulmate.

257: You and your soulmate share the same talents. What one learns, the other can also do.

258: If your soulmate is listening to music, you can hear it too, and it gets louder the closer you are to them.

259: The closer you are to your soulmate, the more color you can see. The farther away, the fewer colors.

260: Your heart beats your soulmate’s name in morse code.

261: The name of your soulmate appears on your skin after you meet them.

262: You are deaf until you meet your soulmate, whose voice is the first thing you hear.

263: You can only see color when you and your soulmate are touching.

264: You are born with the fingerprints of your soulmate somewhere on your body.

265: Your soulmate’s current thoughts about you will show up on your skin for a short while.

28 notes · View notes

mandarinastronaut · 6 years ago

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Homoromantic subtext in ‘The Goldfinch’

The Goldfinch is a novel written by Donna Tartt, published in 2013. It follows the characters Theodore Decker and Boris Pavlikovsky. The relationship between the two is a bit controversial. Literary critics have completely ignored the implications of a romance.

Let’s start with Theo’s toxic masculinity and internalized homophobia. Since the Tumblr user @borispav has already made an excellent analysis regarding the subject, I’m going to quote them.

”…Internalized homophobia is a fear and aversion toward homosexuality that is felt by a member of said sexuality. It’s an inclination toward projection, a way of securing confidence and self-image (two things which are threatened both systematically and socially) by registering one’s own sexual identity as a flaw in other people.

Toxic masculinity (or hegemonic masculinity) is a series of behaviors and traits found in men who have been molded by the ideologies of patriarchy. This mode of thinking presents a set of standards and conventions which men are expected to both adhere to and promote interpersonally.

When it comes to men, the ultimate goal—in both these cases— is to embody the widely advertised image of what is considered to be a ‘normal’ or ‘average’ man. This man is able-bodied and strong (both physically and mentally). This man fulfills the roles expected of his gender. He is ‘masculine’ in that he does not cry nor outwardly express any emotions outside of anger and lust. As a child he is sociable and sporty. He has many friends and does not struggle with fitting in. As a teen he is rowdy and full of life, armed to the teeth with a ‘healthy’ sex drive; the ultimate manifestation of the phrase “boys will be boys”. As an adult he is married and financially stable. He is on his way to achieving the American Dream: a white picket fence, 2.5 kids, and a wife that he feels responsible for protecting. He is straight and always has been.”

”Naturally interwoven amongst the pillars of toxic masculinity sits homophobia and its internalized counterpart. Heterosexuality, after all, is a core part of being a ‘normal’ male. Any other errant attraction is therefore meant to be deftly identified and expunged.

Given the sexual nature several of Theo’s fears toward masculinity take on, I believe it is more than safe to assume that he struggles with accepting and acknowledging his own sexuality (whether it be bisexuality or homosexuality, I don’t have a definite stance) as it is at odds with what has been presented as ‘normal’ male behavior.

Sexuality very nearly serves as an antagonist in this novel. It’s depicted as an emotionally draining entity, a wildness, a physical allure, tangible threat, and elusive dream. Theo is almost always at war with it—a sort of subplot to the story that mainly reveals itself in behavior and attitude, rather than direct dialogue or thought.

Sometimes the terror Theo harbors toward homosexuality (and, at its core, his own sexuality) is visceral enough to manifest itself as a palpable real-life danger. For example, aside from being verbally and emotionally abused by kids at school, Theo is also able to recall an instance where several boys held him down and attempted to sodomize him with a stick of deodorant (615). This memory, like the other, is mentioned in a passing, blasé, way. However, the fact that Theo remembers it at all as an adult—and in enough detail to recall the exact names of his aggressors— speaks to the experience’s traumatic weight.

In a similar vein, we have Theo’s negative re-entry into New York: the two different adult men who were implied child molesters (who cornered Theo and physically chased him down the street) serving as more literal manifestations of his own homophobia (404-409). This is the fear, and false pretense, that gay men are ‘perverts’ or ‘child molesters’ brought to life. It’s Theo’s repressed sexuality taunting and confronting him in a brutal, nightmarish, form; an expected effect of having been taught that a part of his identity is inherently ‘bad’ and unremovable.

This, and the bullying incident, are two prime examples of a fairly common literary technique used in which a character’s strongest fears or desires are made physical, rather than just emotional. Such a device works to symbolize/convey their fervency, demonstrate just how pressing and real they are to the afflicted character.”

A few examples of Theo’s internalized homophobia:

He can’t tell his doormen he’s going to miss them, because he thinks it would sound ”gay”. (238)

He feels uncomfortable in the cab because the driver saw Boris kissing him. (396)

He’s embarrassed to be seen with Popper because the breed is seen as ”feminine ” or “gay”. (402)

He’s distraught when Boris asks if he’s Hobie’s partner. (615)

“As for the internalized homophobia, it’s as ever-present as ever in his adulthood. In fact, I think it actually might even be morepronounced and focused than it was in his youth, when his fears primarily manifested themselves in vague and ambiguous ways. As an adult, his aversion is blunt and easy to identify. He graduates from steering clear of things that might insinuate homosexuality, to steering clear of gay men almost altogether. He’s able to acknowledge that they tend to make him uncomfortable, but in terms of trying to understand or mediate on why this is so, little is done. Instead he deems it suffice to drop in a few cursory sentences here and there whilst on the subject of something else, leaving it at that. No bigger picture is addressed, and no critical issue is implied.

For example, what we get are brief and loaded anecdotes like the following:

“I’d inherited my mother’s light-colored eyes, which short of sunglasses at gallery openings made it pretty much impossible to hide pinned pupils—not that anybody in Hobie’s crowd seemed to notice, except (sometimes) a few of the younger, more with-it gay guys— ‘You’re a bad boy,’ the bodybuilder boyfriend of a client had whispered into my ear at a formal dinner, freaking me out thoroughly. And I dreaded going up to the Accounts department at one of the auction houses because one of the guys there—older, British, an addict himself—was always hitting on me.” (472)

The sheer weariness and disdain with which he views threats to his heterosexuality is palpable here. There’s something almost sinister and deceptive about the way he chooses to portray these scenarios, something nightmarish in the way both men seem to be implicitly taunting him, confronting or incriminating him with the knowledge of a secret he pretends not to know. Both cases are clearly sources of great distress to him, as he feels the need to bring them up in context of something that didn’t exactly need the reference. It’s all fine and good that he mentions the "younger gay guys” noticing his pinned pupils, since the topic of thought was drugs, but then to go off and suddenly engage in the quotation of very specific dialogue (“you’re a bad boy”), and the discussion of very specific fears (being hit on by a guy), suggests that there is some deeper trauma demanding acknowledgment at the root. Theo is bothered by this. He is tormented by this. He uses the word dread (dread!!) to try and convey just how much he does not want to be in the same vicinity as someone who may act upon the assumption that he’s gay. (He wants us to assume that’s only because he’s confidently straight and doesn’t want the attention, but we know, in truth, that it’s because he’s both afraid and enraged at someone knowing and confronting him with such an unbidden part of himself).

Either way, it’s clear that he’s aware of the irrational severity of these fears, otherwise he wouldn’t have brought them up of his own volition or chosen to detail the day-to-day effects of their disproportionally crippling nature (i.e. him now despairing a certain department of his work environment). So yes, at some subconscious level, he knows that this isn’t normal, that he is stunted, emotionally, in some way. However, as I said before, he doesn’t ever think about why this is. He doesn’t try to find the problem, or even allude to there possibly being some small discrepancy in the way he’s always perceived his sexual identity. His aversion toward gay men simply remains a ‘mystery issue’, something of obvious weight that Theo wants us to feel, but not know. (Though, we know what it is anyway.)

And as if all this wasn’t obvious enough, we also get the very particular way in which Boris is framed in reference to Kitsey. He reenters Theo’s life right as Theo’s in a crisis over her, the engagement, and the fact that he’s not in love. And I mean this literally; Theo runs into Boris at St. Marks because he’d been on a walk in efforts to find ease of mind, a refuge from the daunting prospect of upcoming marriage (525). What he does find is Boris. Boris, who then, briefly, assumes the role of a hero— the knight in shining armor who’s come to sweep Theo up and away from the worldly snares of expectation and social-rule. This image is only further enforced when Boris comes billowing into his life again at the engagement party, graciously saving him from what (to Theo) was a downright nightmarish scenario. “Let’s get out of here,” is what Boris implores of him, leading them both to the door excitedly (635). Theo’s immediate response is to recognize that this is what he’s been unknowingly hoping this entire time, that Boris’ plea to run away from the engagement party with him is the “only thing that has made sense” to him all night (635). This is the ever-warring sides of illusion and reality at direct confrontation with each other. Choosing to stay at the party would imply that he has an unwavering loyalty to Kitsey (as in to heterosexuality/convention), while choosing to leave would imply that there are other, more genuine, desires drawing him away to something else at heart (his love for Boris, his lust for that wild edge; life without restraint and rule).

Theo chooses to leave. Or, I should probably say, he has no choice but to leave. When given such an enchanting window of escape, at such a precise moment of emotional distress and internal turmoil, it is impossible to resist. Of course his instinct would be to leave with Boris, even without knowing the details of their destination or circumstance. There’s an innate trust and draw that has been built up inside him from their Vegas years; Boris knows the deepest parts of Theo inside and out, and there are little to no other people in his life that he is tied to like that, little to no people that would provide the same type of relief from social-performance and self-deception as Boris would. On instinct (on instinct) Theo is true to himself for once. He physically runs after the thing he prefers, the thing it is that he actually wants. However, I do emphasize ‘on instinct’ because this is certainly more of a one-time, impulsive, occurrence than it is anything else. In the end it’s still Kitsey who Theo deems worthy of a suicide-note, not Boris. It’s still Kitsey who, despite everything, he continues to remain on the fence about all the way through the end of the novel. So, yes, it’s evident that the instinct (to be honest with himself, to go after what he wants etc.) is there, that—even after all these years—it still remains strong enough to be acknowledged and acted upon. However, the pressures of compulsive heterosexuality and toxic masculinity have not lessened their grip either, and, in the end, they are the ones that win.”

(all of this was from the amazing @borispav ‘s blog, thank you for letting me quote you!)

The story is told in retrospect and therefore is completely dependent on memory. Well memory, as we all know, isn’t very reliable. You forget, remember something incorrectly, manipulate and so forth. It is also sort of implied that Theo’s been using all sorts of substances, from hard drugs to alcohol. On the pages 622-623 we find out that Theo’s a ‘black-out’ drunk (he passes out and forgets things). Boris brings up the painting which baffles Theo since he himself has shown it to Boris but completely forgotten about it. Just the fact that he’s forgotten something so insanely important and significant, makes it more than possible that there are other important things he’s forgotten about. Theo tells us that he’s written the book for his mother, and in the hopes that Pippa would read it one day. This makes him quite biased and sets up an agenda for him, therefore implying that he’s willing to manipulate the story to fit his purposes. And because he’s trying to convince everyone (mostly himself, but also the reader) that he’s in love with Pippa, it wouldn’t make much sense for him to write about the true feelings he has for Boris. Though it’s very clear that he doesn’t actually love her. He even says this on page 570;

”Worse: my love for Pippa was muddied-up below the waterline with my mother, with my mother’s death, with losing my mother and not being able to get her back. All that blind, infantile hunger to save and be saved, to repeat the past and make it different, had somehow attached itself, ravenously, to her. There was an instability in it, a sickness. I was seeing things that weren’t there. I was only one step away from some trailer park loner stalking a girl he’d spotted in the mall. For the truth of it was: Pippa and I saw each other maybe twice a year; we e-mailed and texted, though with no great regularity; when she was in town we loaned each other books and went to the movies; we were friends; nothing more. My hopes for a relationship with her where wholly unreal, whereas my ongoing misery, and frustration, were an all-too-horrible reality. Was groundless, hopeless, unrequited obsession any way to waste the rest of my life?”

Even if you were to interpret it differently (Theo actually being in love with her, or at least being sexually attracted to her) it still doesn’t overrule Theo’s love for Boris (Theo could be bi-, pan-, or polysexual etc.).

Now when talking about Boris’ internalized homophobia, it’s not as severe as Theo’s. He’s a lot more accepting and openminded. On page 314. Boris brings up homosexuality;

”…Old poofter?” he asked. I was taken aback. ”No,” I said swiftly, and then; ”I don’t know.” ”Doesn’t matter,” said Boris, offering me the jar. ”I’ve known some sweet olf poofters.” ”I don’t think he is,” I said uncertainly. Boris shrugged. ”Who cares? if he is good to you? None of us ever find enough kindness in the world, do we?“

It’s very clear that by bringing up homosexuality casually like this, he wants to hear how Theo feels about it. This dialogue also tells us that Boris is a lot more accepting than Theo, who’s shocked and troubled by the idea of Hobie being gay.

Boris doesn’t have trouble expressing his feelings, he often even exaggerates them.

Boris says he’s in love with Kotku even though he doesn’t know her (326)

Boris says that he ”loves” Kotku and that she’s ”the truestthing that has ever happened” to him (328).

Boris says that the 'fight’ he and Kotku had, was ”only out of love”, and that they realized ”how much they loved each other” (360).

Boris tells Theo how he and KT became ”so close” in one night, and how they ”opened up their hearts” for each other (602).

Boris says that Bobo was like a father to him (613).

Boris is telling Theo about his tattoo, and says this; ”…This is for Katya, love of my life. I loved her more than any woman I ever knew.” To which Theo responds with; ”You say that about everybody.” Theo’s comment proves that this is something Boris does all the time.

But with Theo, he can express himself only through action, rather than words. It’s important to bear this in mind whenever interpreting his actions.

Quoting the Tumblr user @queer-deckovskij ;

”…Part II of The Goldfinch Book contains the chapters Badr al-Dine and Wind, Sand and Stars, in which Boris and Theo meet, go on adventures, live a pair of year together, fight, love each other, then say goodbye. These 200 pages are introduced by a quote Donna put right before chapter 5, that comes from the poet Arthur Rimbaud and says,

When we are very strong, - who draws back? very gay*, - who cares for ridicule? When we are very bad, - what would they do with us?

So where do I start? This quote accurately depicts Boris’ and Theo’s friendship in a way that takes my breath away. It contains all the force and stubbornness and courage of the angry youth they represent. She couldn’t have picked a better quote to represent them. But that’s not all. The small poem doesn’t end here - Donna cut the second part of it, which says,

Deck yourself, dance, laugh. I could never throw Love out of the window.

Yes, the poem used to represent Theo and Boris’ relationship is a love poem. I think it’s really important the notion of who Arthur Rimbaud was. He lived in France during the 19th century and while still very young he had a homosexual affair with another poet, named Paul Verlaine; they ran off together and for quite some time they shared a really unhealthy and irregular life, mostly based on drugs and alcohol and dangerous experiences. Les Poètes maudits, yes? They lived in the same house for a few years and ended up splitting up in quite a violent way (Verlaine shot Rimbaud twice). Does this experience remind you of someone? A couple of guys who drank beer and did drugs like it was a packet of chips and a bottle of pepsi? Inserting that quote, Donna Tartt literally compared Theo and Boris to Rimbaud and Verlaine. Which means that, officially, Theo and Boris’s love was not a platonic one.

*I do not know if Donna inserted this translation or a more neutral one, like cheerful or jolly; the original French poem uses the word gai, which literal translates as gay.”

When Boris starts dating Kotku, Theo is forced to think about what his and Boris’ relationship was for the first time. Though, it’s already been implied earlier that Theo might have a crush on Boris.

Subtext of Theo’s attraction toward Boris;

He’s staring at Boris’ stomach (272).

He’s staring at Boris’ neck (284).

He’s staring at Boris who’s wearing nothing but Theo’s underwear (307).

He’s staring at Boris’ shirtless chest (308).

He’s staring at Boris’ lower abdomen (383).

Theo is jealous of Kotku, he’s even depicted as a pissed ‘house-wife’.

Page 327; ”…But what did bother me -a lot- was how Kotku (I’ll continue to call her by the name Boris gave her, since I can’t now remember her real name) had stepped in overnight and virtually assumed ownership of Boris. First he was busy on Friday night. Then it was the whole weekend–not just the night, but the day too. Pretty soon, it was Kotku this and Kotku that, and the next thing I knew, Popper and I were eating dinner and watching movies by ourselves.”

(Theo’s been depicted as a ‘house-wife’ before on page 277.)

Even though he’s feeling jealous and left behind, he still tries to convince himself and the reader that their relationship was nothing but platonic, that he doesn’t really care whether Boris has a girlfriend or not. Still, it isn’t so simple. He can’t find a right word to describe their relationship.

”…But who cared what crappy girl Boris liked? Weren’t we still friends? Best friends? Brothers practically? Then again: there was not exactly a word for Boris and me. Until Kotku came along, I had never thought too much about it.” (333)

If their relationship was really platonic, Boris having a girlfriend wouldn’t affect their “friendship” or “brotherhood” in the slightest.

Theo’s projecting into Boris because of his internalized homophobia. We find out that Theo doesn’t mind Boris showing physical affection, and that he even enjoys it (it’s the only thing that calms him down from his nightly terrors). This is something that he doesn’t want to admit. He’s constantly trying to convince the reader that there aren’t any stronger, possibly romantic, feelings attached. It’s actually quite comedic.

”The funny thing: I’d worried, if anything, that Boris was the one who was a little too affectionate, if affectionate is the right word. The first time he’d turned in bed and draped an arm over my waist, I lay there half-asleep for a moment, not knowing what to do: staring at my old socks on the floor, empty beer bottles, my paperbacked copy of The Red Badge of Courage. At last–embarrassed–I faked a yawn and tried to roll away, but instead he sighed and pulled me closer, with a sleepy, snuggling motion. Shh, Potter, he whispered, into the back of my neck. Is only me. It was weird. Was it weird? It was; and it wasn’t. I’d fallen back to sleep shortly after, lulled by his bitter, beery unwashed smell and his breath easy in my ear. I was aware I couldn’t explain it without making it sound like more than it was. On nights when I woke strangled with fear there he was, catching me when I started up terrified from the bed, pulling me back in the covers beside him, muttering in nonsense Polish, his voice throaty and strange with sleep. We’d drowse off in each other’s arms, listening to music from my iPod (Thelonious Monk, The Velvet Underground, music my mother had liked) and sometimes wake clutching each other like castaways or much younger children.” (335)

In the end, we finally find out that they’ve even been sexually intimate. Since this is something they’ve done regularly, it’s more than safe to say that they’re at least sexually attracted to each other. Still, Theo keeps projecting into Boris, saying that he’s the one ”who might have the wrong idea”.

“…And yet (this was the murky part, this was what bothered me) there had also been other, way more confusing and fucked-up nights, grappling around half-dressed, weak light from the bathroom and everything haloed and unstable without my glasses: hands on each other, rough and fast, kicked-over beers foaming on the carpet–fun and not that big of a deal when it as actually happening, more than worth it for the sharp gasp when my eyes rolled back and I forgot about everything; but when we woke the next morning stomach-down and groaning on opposite sides of the bed it receded into an incoherence of backlit flickers, choppy and poorly lit like some experimental film, theunfamiliar twist of Boris’s features fading from memory already and none of it with any more bearing on our actual lives than a dream. We never spoke of it; it wasn’t quite real; getting ready for school we threw shoes, splashed water at each other, chewed aspirin for our hangovers, laughed and joked around all the way to the bus stop. I knew people would think the wrong thing if they knew, I didn’t want anyone to find out and I knew Boris didn’t either, but all the same he seemed so completely untroubled by it that I was sure it was just a laugh, nothing to take too seriously or get worked up about. And yet, more than once, I had wondered if I should step up my nerve and say something: draw some kind of line, make things clear, just to make absolutely sure he didn’t have the wrong idea. But the moment had never come. Now there was no point in speaking up and being awkward about the whole thing, though I scarcely took comfort in the fact.” (335-336)

Boris feels troubled because his and Theo’s relationship has become so intimate. He’s not sure if Theo feels the same way about him, and that creates a lot of stress and confusion for him. He makes a subconscious decision to resolve the situation by jumping into an impulsive relationship with Kotku (there aren’t any strong feelings attached). The relationship is completely physical, (they’re sexually attracted to each other, that’s it) even though Boris tries to convince Theo it isn’t so. Soon after they start dating, they begin to argue like an old married couple. It even goes so far that Boris punches Kotku (in the face).

Then Theo’s dad dies, and Theo has to leave Vegas in order to avoid his worst nightmare; social workers. Tartt depicts the 'goodbye’ scene quite dramatically, starting it with Boris humming a song by The Velvet Underground called After Hours. The song is about, you guessed it, unwilling goodbyes, love etc. By inserting this song to the very start, Tartt creates the perfect atmosphere for the whole scene, implying that there are strong romantic feelings between the two. They’ve listened to the song together, and so, Boris tries to manipulate Theo into staying by humming it.

”…Boris, I realized, was looking up at the sky and humming to himself, a line from one of my mother’s Velvet Underground songs: but if you close the door… the night could last forever…” (392)

The certainty of the situation starts to sink in on Theo, and he starts expressing his true feelings for the first and last time in the novel, in fact, he’s lost all control over himself. Boris realizes that Theo’s expressing his real feelings (probably predicting a confession) and since Boris has stolen the painting (something Theo’s completely unaware of) he’s accepted that he’s completely ruined any chances of continuing the relationship, (knowing that Theo would hate him after finding out) and just can’t bear to hear any more of what Theo’s saying. So, he interrupts Theo by kissing him on the lips. Now, besides the suggestive placement of the kiss, (not only is it in the goodbye scene but its right before Theo’s confession as well) the way Theo reacts to it makes it very clear that this is unusual behavior, and not something Boris has done before, (Theo wouldn’t have missed a chance to make the whole situation seem as platonic as possible, he would have tried to pull some bullshit like ”oh yeah this is something Boris does all the time lmao doesn’t mean anything”. And they know each other so well that they can communicate without words, so I think it’s safe to say that Theo would’ve known about it if it was usual behavior for Boris.) the kiss is clearly more than platonic, to say the least.

”…Really, you have to come. We can go to Brighton Beach—that’s where all the Russians hang out. Well, I’ve never been there. But the train goes there—it’s the last stop on the line. There’s a big Russian community, restaurants with smoked fish and sturgeon roe. My mother and I always talked about going out there to eat one day, this jeweler she worked with told her all the good places to go, but we never did. It’s supposed to be great. Also, I mean—I have money for school—you can go to my school. No—you totally can. I have a scholarship. Well, I did. But the guy said as long as the money in my fund was used for education—it could be anybody’s education. Not just mine. There’s more than enough for the both of us. Though, I mean, public school, the public schools are good in New York, I know people there, public school’s fine with me.” I was still babbling when Boris said: “Potter.” Before I could answer him he put both hands on my face and kissed me on the mouth. And while I stood blinking—it was over almost before I knew what had happened—he picked up Popper under the forelegs and kissed him too, in midair, smack on the tip of his nose. Then he handed him to me. ”Your car’s over there,” he said, giving him one last ruffle on the head. And—sure enough—when I turned, a town car was creeping up the other side of the street, surveying the addresses. We stood looking at each other—me breathing hard, completely stunned. ”Good luck,” said Boris. ”I won’t forget you.” then he patted Popper on the head. ”Bye, Popchyk. Look after him, will you?” he said to me.” (394-395)

When Theo gets in the cab, he acknowledges his feelings for Boris and confesses his love for him. This is the first and last time he does this (at least according to Theo’s narrative, which as we know, isn’t very reliable).

”Later—in the cab, and afterward—I would replay that moment, and marvel that I’d waved and walked away quite so casually. Why hadn’t I grabbed his arm and begged him one last time to get in the car, come on, fuck it Boris, just like skipping school, we’ll be eating breakfast over cornfields when the sun comes up? I knew him well enough to know that if you asked him the right way, at the right moment, he would do almost anything; and in the very act of turning away I knew he would have run after me and hopped in the car laughing if I’d asked one last time. But I didn’t. And, in truth, it was maybe better that I didn’t—I say that now, though it was something I regretted bitterly for a while. More than anything I was relieved that in my unfamiliar babbling-and-wanting-to-talk state I’d stopped myself from blurting the thing on the edge of my tongue, the thing I’d never said, even though it was something we both knew well enough without me saying it out loud to him in the street—which was, of course, I love you.” (395)

When they run into each other as adults, Theo starts commenting on Boris’ appearance almost immediately. This isn’t something Theo’s done before, his internalized homophobia won’t allow him to. Boris is the only male he depicts this way.

”…There he was, sliding in across from me, slingin the hair from his face in a gesture that brought the past ringing back. “I was just about to leave.” “Sorry.” Same dirty, charming smile. “Had something to do. Didn’t Myriam explain?” “No she didn’t.” “Well. Is not like I work in accounting office. Look,” He said leaning forward, palms on the table, “don’t be mad! Was not expecting to run into you! I came as quick as I could! Ran, practically!” He reached across with cupped hands and slapped me gently on the cheek. “My God! Such a long time it is! Glad to see you! You’re not glad to see me too?” He’d grown up to be good-looking. Even at his gawkiest and most pinched he’d always had a likable shrewdness about him, lively eyes and quick intelligence, but he’d lost that half-starved rawness and everything else had come together the right way.” (596)

Then we find out that Boris has been embittered this whole time because he ruined his and Theo’s relationship (Thinking that Theo holds a grudge for him because of the painting). So, Boris projects onto Theo. He brings up their sexual intimacy, and offends him;

”…why do I feel like you’re trying to change the subject?” ”Not trying to judge! It’s just—we did crazy things back then. Things I think maybe you don’t remember. No, no!” he said quickly, shaking his head, when he saw the look on my face. ”Not that. Although I will say, you are the only boy I have ever been in bed with!” My laugh spluttered out angrily, as if I’d coughed or choked on something. ”With that—” Boris leaned back disdainfully in his chair, pinched his nostrils shut—”pfah. I think it happens at that age sometimes. We were young, and needed girls. I think maybe you thought it was something else. But, no, wait” he said quickly, his expression changing—I’d scraped back my chair to go— ”wait,” he said again, catching my sleeve, “don’t, please, listen to what I’m trying to tell you, you don’t at all remember the night when we were watching Dr. No?” I was getting my coat from the back of my chair…” (622)

Theo is clearly hurt by Boris’ words, even though he doesn’t admit it.

As if all of this wasn’t already obvious enough, Tartt’s sprinkled all sorts of subtext all over the novel;

Theo takes extraordinary notice of the sex books his therapist has. Tartt is already, this early into the book, implying that sexuality might be a theme for Theo. (162)

During Theo’s and Boris’ first conversation, Theo asks Boris to say something in one of the multiple languages Boris speaks and he decides to say something quite suggestive, which is; ”fuck you up the ass”. (265)

Theo’s internalized homophobia is taunting him, he says he feels ”shameful”, ”worthless”, ”tainted” and ”wrong”, and that he doesn’t know the origin for these emotions. (440-441)

Theo thinks about Boris every day and everything reminds him of Boris. (465)

Theo still remembers Boris’ home phone number in Vegas and even uses the last digits of it for the combination padlock that’s securing the painting. (532)

Theo confesses that he has googled Boris in the past. (595)

”You know what I did in college?” I was telling him. ”I took Conversational Russian for a year. Totally because of you. I did really shitty in it, actually. Never got good enough to read it, you know, sit down with Eugene Onegin—you have to read it in Russian, they say, it doesn’t come through in translation. But—I thought of you so much! I used to remember little things you’d say—all sorts of things came back to me—oh, wow, listen, they’re playing 'Comfy in Nautica,’ do you remember that? Panda Bear! I totally forgot that album. Anyway. I wrote a term paper on The Idiot for my Russian Literature class—Russian Literature in translation—I mean, the whole time I was reading it I thought about you, up in my bedroom smoking my dad’s cigarettes. It was so much easier to keep track of the names if I imagined you saying them in my head … actually, it was like I heard the whole book in your voice! Back in Vegas you were reading The Idiot for like six months, remember? In Russian. For a long time it was all you did. Remember how for a long time you couldn’t go downstairs because of Xandra, I had to bring you food, it was like Anne Frank? Anyway, I read it in English, The Idiot, but I wanted to get there too, to that point, you know, where my Russian was good enough. But I never did.” (614-615)

Theo depicts Pippa by referring to Boris. (678)

Tartt has placed a character from one of her earlier novels The secret history, Francis Abernathy, a homosexual man who was forced by circumstance to marry a woman, in Theo’s engagement party as a parallel for him. (710)

”Only what is that thing? Why am I the way I am? Why do I care about all the wrong things, and nothing at all for the right ones? Or, to tip it another way: how can I see so clearly that everything I love or care about is illusion, and yet—for me, anyway—all that’s worth living for lies in that charm? A great sorrow, and one I am only beginning to understand: we don’t get to choose our own hearts. We can’t make ourselves want what’s good for us or what’s good for other people. We don’t get to choose the people we are. Because—isn’t it drilled into us constantly, from childhood on, an unquestioned platitude in the culture—? From Willian Blake to Lady Gaga, from Rousseau to Rumi to Tosca to Mister Rogers, it’s a curiously uniform message, accepted from high to low: when in doubt, what to do? How do we know what’s right for us? Every shrink every career counselor, every Disney princess knows the answer: ”Be yourself.” ”Follow your heart.” Only here’s what I really, really want someone to explain to me. What if one happens to be possessed of a heart that can’t be trusted—? What if the heart, for its own unfathomable reasons, leads one willfully and in a cloud of unspeakable radiance away from health, domesticity, civic responsibility and strong social connections and all the blandly-held common virtues and instead straight toward the bonfire, is it better to turn away? Stop your ears with wax? Ignore all the perverse glory your heart is screaming at you? Set yourself on the course that will lead you dutifully towards the norm, reasonable hours and regular medical check-ups, stable relationships and steady career advancement, the New York Times and brunch on Sunday, all with the promise of being somehow a better person? Or—like Boris—is it better to throw yourself head first and laughing into the holy rage calling your name? It’s not about outward appearances but inward significance. A grandeur in the world, but not of the world, a grandeur that the world doesn’t understand. That first glimpse of pure otherness, in whose presence you bloom out and out and out. A self one does not want. A heart one cannot help.” (852-853). Since the main themes of the novel are authenticity and unauthenticity (good and bad, right and wrong) it makes perfect sense to have sexuality be a subtheme.

Love restricts one’s personal life. Committing to something so uncertain and scary, as serious romantic relationships are, is impossible for Boris due to his traumatic childhood. This (aside from thinking he’s ruined their relatonship) is the reason why he’s stayed out of Theo’s life for all these years.

”…Boris laughed. “And you love her, yes. But not too much.” “Why do you say that?” “Because you are not mad, or wild, or grieving! You are not roaring out to choke her with your own bare hands! Which means your soul is not too mixed up with hers. And that is good. Here is my experience. Stay away from the ones you love too much. Those are the ones who will kill you. What you want to live and be happy in the world is a woman who has her own life and lets you have yours.” (667)

Later, in Amsterdam, during the shootout, Boris physically follows this ideology and his true feelings- he’s ready to die for Theo. Theo confessed his love verbally, this is Boris confessing his love in the way most natural to him, through action;

”…Again Boris moaned, as the guy yanked his hair once more, and from across the car threw me an unmistakable look—which I understood just as plainly as if he’d spoken the words aloud, an urgent and very specific cut of the eyes straight from our shoplifting days: run for it, Potter, go.” (760)

Can a Pulitzer prize-winning author write this blatant subtext accidentally? Is this just another case of cheap queerbaiting? It’s up to you to decide.

———————————————————————————————————–

A look at internalized homophobia and toxic masculinity as presented in the character of Theodore Decker; https://borispav.tumblr.com/post/179768610308/a-look-at-internalized-homophobia-and-toxic

by https://borispav.tumblr.com/

Post on Arthur Rimbaud’s poem; http://queer-deckovskij.tumblr.com/post/171833208225/so-very-important-detail-i-dont-know-if-any-of

by http://queer-deckovskij.tumblr.com/

All page numbers are from my copy of the book, meaning that I’ve changed the ones in the quotations from the original ones to my own.

I received technical writing help from a friend of mine, as I am dyslexic and have trouble expressing myself sometimes, who wants to stay anonymous, thank you anonymous!

#the goldfinch #boreo #theo decker #boris pavlikovsky #donna tartt #theodore decker #tgf #rin's analysis

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gadgetgirl71 · 5 years ago

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Amazon First Reads for April 2020

Here we are again, it’s time to choose one of eight books that Amazon First Reads lets Amazon Prime Members download for free. At the moment I seem to be downloading more free books than ever. I wonder if it’s my mind trying to get off what is happening around the world, lets just hope that I start to read more quickly.

This months book choices are:

Psychological Suspense

What we Forget to Bury by Martin Montgomery, Pages: 439, Publication Date: 1 May 2020

synopsis: Truth and deceit blur as one woman’s desperation twists into another’s desire for revenge in this mind-bending psychological novel.

Charlotte Coburn has a tragically dark past. But she’s safe now. She lives in a gated community, protected from danger. When teenager Elle knocks at her door looking for shelter during a particularly severe storm, the woman can’t help but think how lucky Elle’s been to have found someone as friendly as her. Except Elle chose her door on purpose…

She knows all about Charlotte’s secrets because they ruined her family and her life. And it is time that everyone else knew. But Charlotte’s past has left a dark void in her life, so she is concocting her own vicious plan, convinced that Elle can help fill that void.

As events unfold, the truth unravels and pulls both women into a dangerous game that will leave you wondering, Who’s the villain?

Contemporary Fiction

Little White Secrets by Carol Mason, Pages 33, Publication Date: 1 May 2020

Synopsis: A daughter pushing the limits. A marriage ready to crack. A secret that can break them.

For Emily Rossi, life may not be perfect, but it’s pretty close. She has a great career, a house in the country, a solid marriage to Eric and two wonderful children—tennis superstar Daniel and quiet, sensitive Zara. But when her fourteen-year-old daughter brings home a toxic new best friend, Emily’s seemingly perfect family starts to spiral out of control.

Suddenly Zara is staying out late, taking drugs and keeping bad company. And just when Emily needs Eric to be an involved father, he seems too wrapped up with his job in London to care. What’s more, he’s started drinking again.

When a dark secret from the past emerges, Emily’s life is turned upside down. Struggling to protect the people she loves, can she save her damaged family? Doing so may mean keeping a secret of her own…

Thriller

The Girl Beneath the Sea by Andrew Mayner, Pages: 328, Publication Date: 1 May 2020

Synopsis: For a Florida police diver, danger rises to the surface in an adventurous thriller by the Wall Street Journal bestselling author of The Naturalist.

Coming from scandalous Florida treasure hunters and drug smugglers, Sloan McPherson is forging her own path, for herself and for her daughter, out from under her family’s shadow. An auxiliary officer for Lauderdale Shores PD, she’s the go-to diver for evidence recovery. Then Sloan finds a fresh kill floating in a canal—a woman whose murky history collides with Sloan’s. Their troubling ties are making Sloan less a potential witness than a suspect. And her colleagues aren’t the only ones following every move she makes. So is the killer.

Stalked by an assassin, pitted against a ruthless cartel searching for a lost fortune, and under watch within her ranks, Sloan has only one ally: the legendary DEA agent who put Sloan’s uncle behind bars. He knows just how deep corruption runs—and the kind of danger Sloan is in. To stay alive, Sloan must stay one step ahead of her enemies—both known and unknown—and a growing conspiracy designed to pull her under.

Science Fiction

A Girl from Nowhere by James Maxwell, Pages: 442, Publication Date: 1 May 2020

Synopsis: Surrounded by fire, a girl with mysterious powers and a young warrior search for safety.

Life in the wasteland is a constant struggle. No one knows it better than Taimin. Crippled, and with only his indomitable aunt to protect him, Taimin must learn to survive in a world scorched by two suns and frequented by raiders.

But when Taimin discovers his homestead ransacked and his aunt killed, he sets off with one mission: to seek revenge against those who stole everything. With nowhere to call home, his hunt soon takes a turn when he meets a mystic, Selena, who convinces him to join her search for the fabled white city. Taimin and Selena both need refuge, and the white city is a place where Taimin may find someone to heal his childhood injury.

As they avoid relentless danger, Taimin and Selena attempt to reach the one place that promises salvation. And they can only hope that the city is the haven they need it to be…

Romance

Love on Beach Avenue by Jennifer Probst, Pages: 310, Publication Date: 1 May 2020

Synopsis: True love is in the details for the Jersey shore’s premier wedding planner in this heart-swooning series about big dreams and happy endings from New York Times bestselling author Jennifer Probst.

Avery Sunshine might not have a soul mate of her own, but she still believes in happily ever after—for her clients. Making dreams come true is her business at Sunshine Bridal, which she runs with her two sisters. When her best friend announces her engagement, Avery is thrilled to take charge of the giddy bride-to-be’s big day. Less thrilling? Her best friend’s arrogant and demanding brother, who just so happens to be the man of honour.

Carter Ross’s first instinct: call 911. He promised to always take care of his impulsive little sister, and he honors that vow. Even if it means taking over her wedding, where he is sure Avery will fail. At best, Avery is unpredictable. At worst, if she’s anything like the spitfire of a college girl he remembers, the main event could run wild.

With Avery and Carter wrestling for control, tempers heat up. So does the spark of attraction they’re fighting with every kiss. As the wedding draws near, it’s time to reconcile a rocky past and make a decision that could change everyone’s lives. Because what they’re rebelling against looks a lot like love.

Contemporary Fiction

Stories We Never Told by Sonja Yoerg, Pages: 328, Publication Date: 1 May 2020

Synopsis: From the Amazon Charts and Washington Post bestselling author of True Places comes a suspenseful novel of love, secrets, and obsession.

Psychology professor Jackie Strelitz thinks she’s over Harlan Crispin, her ex-lover and colleague. Why should she care if Harlan springs a new “friend” on her? After all, Jackie has everything she ever wanted: a loving husband and a thriving career. Still, she can’t help but be curious about Harlan’s latest.

Nasira Amari is graceful, smart, and appallingly young. Worse, she’s the newest member of Jackie’s research team. For five years, Harlan enforced rules limiting his relationship with Jackie. With Nasira, he’s breaking every single one. Why her?

Fixated by the couple, Jackie’s curiosity becomes obsession. But she soon learns that nothing is quite what it seems and that to her surprise—and peril—she may not be the only one who can’t let go.

Literary Fiction

Meadowlark by Melanie Abrams, Pages: 238, Publication Date: 1 May 2020

Synopsis: A haunting novel about the lasting effects of childhood trauma and the resulting choices we make for our children.

After growing up in an austere spiritual compound, two teenagers, Simrin and Arjun, escape and go their separate ways. Years later, Simrin receives an email from Arjun. As they reconnect, Simrin learns that he has become the charismatic leader of Meadowlark, a commune in the Nevada desert that allows children to discover their “gifts.”

In spite of their fractured relationship, Simrin, a photojournalist, agrees to visit Meadowlark to document its story. She arrives at the commune with her five-year-old daughter in tow and soon realizes there is something disturbing about Arjun’s beliefs concerning children and their unusual abilities. When she discovers that the commune is in the midst of a criminal investigation, her unease grows deeper still.

As tensions with police heighten, Arjun’s wife begins to make plans of her own, fearing the exposure the investigation might bring for her and her children. Both mothers find themselves caught in a desperate situation, and as the conflict escalates, everyone involved must make painful—and potentially tragic—choices that could change their worlds forever.

Gripping and beautifully crafted, Meadowlark explores the power and danger of being extraordinary and what it means to see and be seen.

Children’s Picture Book

Bear & Fred (A World War II Story) by Iris Argaman, Pages: 47, Publication Date: 1 May 2020

Synopsis: Based on true events and beautifully illustrated, this is the story of a friendship that will last forever—told by Fred’s best friend, his beloved teddy bear.

During World War II, Fred must leave his home and live in hiding, apart from the rest of his family, but he always keeps Bear by his side. Bear knows it’s his job to take care of Fred and make sure he doesn’t feel alone.

After the war, Fred and his family are reunited and leave Holland for the United States. And still Bear is with him. When Fred grows up, he and Bear part for the first time when Bear is sent to Yad Vashem—the World Holocaust Remembrance Center in Israel, where this book was first published—to show the power of hope, friendship, and love.

I felt Fred’s small hand grab me. He patted me and whispered, “Bear, I won’t leave you here all by yourself. You are my best friend.”

*** Which book will you choose? I decided to go for Love on Beach Avenue. ***

#amazonkindle #amazon prime members #amazonprimemembers #amazonfirstreads #Kindle #Kindlebooks #books #childrens #childrenspicturebooks #contemporary fiction #goodreads #literary fiction #PsychologicalSuspence #romance #thriller #science fiction

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katieskarlette · 6 years ago

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30 Things I Learned Leveling my First D&D Character to Level 3

We only get to meet once a month so it’s kind of slow going, but my group of current and former co-workers has been plugging along, and it’s a lot of fun. My dragonborn paladin reached level 3 today!

After my first session back in November, I wrote a thing that got almost 700 notes. Since then I’ve learned:

1. Betting on crab races is a great way to make friends and gold...assuming you bribe the crabs to throw the race, and assuming an invisible, faceless, hostile thing doesn’t hurt the riders before the race starts.

2. The fact that one little kid claims he can see--and is friends with--said invisible, faceless, hostile thing does not make this any less creepy.

3. Asking the kid to show you where the invisible, faceless, hostile thing comes from will result in you finding an equally-creepy hollow filled with ugly mushrooms, animal skulls on spikes, and an overwhelming feeling of foreboding.

4. Going “Aw hell no” and leaving is a perfectly sane response to finding oneself in such a place.

5. Asking the mayor’s unfriendly, suspicious, pale, probably-dark-magic-using assistant about the creepy hollow seems like a good idea right up until he tells you that’s his home. Then it becomes incredibly awkward.

6. Fighting giant rats isn’t as easy as it sounds, but can be profitable.

7. Fighting giant rats without a dedicated healer because your cleric is too hungover to leave the inn isn’t the best idea. Especially when you’re in a flammable, tightly-packed silo where you can’t use your dragonborn fire breath.

8. Back to back lucky crits by giant rats are enough to kill a paladin despite her armor and shield, but if you’re lucky your DM will just sort of pretend that didn’t happen and leave you with one hit point instead (because it’s not your fault the cleric’s player had to work and couldn’t be there to heal you, forcing you to both tank and heal in your first combat ever.)

9. Sometimes it’s a blessing in disguise when your ranger rolls a one and completely fails the acrobatic move she was attempting, because the “bong” of her body colliding with a large pillar will tip you off that said pillar is hollow and hiding a secret staircase.

10. A silo infested with giant rats is a great place to hide a secret alchemy lab.

11. If you ask to buy arrows at a secondhand curiosity shop you’ll just get a bunch of gaudy arrows with useless enchantments on them. Go to the actual fletcher instead.

12. As uninviting as the creepy hollow with the invisible, faceless, hostile thing is, it’s still probably safer to investigate than the mines where people are going missing and nasty things from the Underdark are said to be making their way to the surface.

13. If you’re going to break into someone’s house anyway, you might as well steal a jar of candy while you’re in there.

14. Stealing the entire jar of candy is deemed less suspicious than just taking the candy and leaving the empty jar.

15. Look under the couch cushions, get free money (and make your party members jealous)!

16. Trying to search a house with a lot of bookshelves takes longer if you have a nerdy dragonborn along who gets easily distracted by books she hasn’t read before.

17. Sometimes there really are scary monsters in the dark basement.

18. The invisible, faceless, hostile thing is a Skulk.

19. Having a name for it doesn’t make it any less creepy.

20. Fighting something you can only see in a mirror is not easy.

21. Your ranger should really check where her party members are before spewing a barrage of arrows at an enemy, because friendly fire is a thing.

22. The first time you get to use your fire breath as a dragonborn is awesome.

23. Your bard may not think it’s so awesome, because you kill the monster so fast he doesn’t even get a chance to attack.

24. Despite being invisible, Skulks are apparently very flammable.

25. Unlike in video games, a significant enemy doesn’t necessarily drop loot when it dies.

26. I suppose it is possible for dragonborn to be stealthy, but a 238-lb paladin in heavy armor, carrying a shield and broadsword, tromping up a flight of stairs, is not. The dice knew it. I rolled a 4. Party made a run for it and just barely escaped without being seen.

27. A cleric and a paladin may think themselves too good and pure to hang out in a brothel/tavern. However, if they have just narrowly evaded capture they will be willing to make an exception to have a good place to hide for awhile.

28. The brothel/tavern actually serves pretty decent food, and the buxom gnome madam is friendly even if you’re not buying “companionship.”

29. Aforementioned buxom gnome charges 20 gold to tell anyone who might be looking for you that you’ve been hanging out there all day, and certainly not breaking into someone’s home. Usually she takes bribes to tell angry people that their spouse has not visited her fine establishment, but she’s flexible.

30. Don’t assume the attendant of the temple only speaks the local language and not, say for example, Draconic or Giant. Otherwise if you confess to your deity that you’ve participated in breaking and entering and then hiding in a brothel, she’ll overhear, and it will be embarrassing.

#ks plays d&d

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shooting-stars-library · 6 years ago

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365 Prompts

Hello! So, the next series might take a while to update, so if you guys want I can put out some shorter fics using this list. Any fandom, any character. As long as it is on my fandom list of course.

Please include whether you want the senario to be angst, fluff, or smut.

1. Outside the Window

2. Unrequited

3. The Vessel

4. Dancing

5. Food

6. Eye Contact

7. Rocket-ship

8. Dream-catcher

9. Animals

10. Friendship

11. Dragon

12. Greeting

13. Letter

14. Target

15. Eavesdropper

16. Addict

17. Dictionary Definition

18. Cleaning

19. Great Minds

20. Missed Connections

21. Foreclosure

22. Smoke, Fog, and Haze

23. Sugar

24. Numbers

25. Dread

26. Fear

27. Closed Doors

28. Shadow

29. Good Vibes

30. Shopping

31. Professor

32. Rewrite

33. Jewelry

34. Sounds

35. War and Peace

36. Frame It

37. Puzzle

38. Fire-starters

39. Coffee and Tea

40. Car Keys

41. Secret

42. Warehouse

43. Silence

44. Insult

45. Mirror, Mirror

46. Dirty

47. Light Switch

48. Stars

49. Joke

50. Just Say No

51. Sunrise/Sunset

52. Memory Lane

53. Tears

54. Dear Diary

55. Holding Hands

56. Photograph

57. Alarm Clock

58. Darkness

59. Refreshed

60. Handle with Care

61. Drama

62. Slip Up

63. Spice

64. Sing

65. Telephone

66. Name

67. Dollhouse

68. Random

69. Silly

70. Recipe

71. Art

72. Where that Place used to Be

73. Last Person You Talked To

74. Caught Red-Handed

75. Interview

76. Missing You

77. Geography

78. Shuffle

79. Hero

80. Ode to Strangers

81. Advertisement

82. Books

83. Magic

84. Fanciest Pen

85. A Day in the Life

86. My Muse

87. Convenience Store

88. Natural Wonders of the World

89. Status Update

90. Green Thumb

91. Family Heirloom

92. Bug Catcher

93. Potion

94. Swinging & Sliding

95. Adjectives

96. Fairy Tales

97. Whispers

98. Smile

99. Seasonal

100. Normal

101. Recycle

102. Wardrobe

103. Secret Message

104. Vacation

105. Heat

106. Spellbinding

107. Puzzles

108. Taking Chances

109. Carnival

110. Country Mouse

111: Questions

112. Rushing

113. Staircase

114. Neighbors

115. Black and Blue

116. Innocence

117. Beach

118. Walking

119. The Ex

120. My Point of View

121. Stray Animal

122. Stop and Stare

123. Your Bed

124. Fireworks

125. Frozen

126. Alone:

127. Know-it-all:

128. The Promise

129. Overwhelmed

130. Headline

131. Close-up

132. Transportation

133. Gadgets

134: Bring on the Cheese

135. Ladders

136. Bizarre Holiday

137. Blog

138. Mailbox

139. Sharing

140. Cactus

141. It’s a Sign

142. Furniture

143. Failure

144. Mystical Creatures

145. Wings

146. Clear and Transparent

147. Break the Silence

148. Beat

149. Color Palette

150. Magazine

151. The Grass is Greener

152. Mind & Body

153. Shaping Up

154. Twenty-One

155. Aromatherapy

156. White Noise

157. What Time is It?

158. Party Animal

159: Miss Manners

160. Cliche

161. Natural

162. Missing You

163. Set it Free

164: Left Out

165. Suitcase

166. Fantasy

167. Give and Receive

168. Baker’s Dozen

169. Treehouse

170. Risk

171. Acrostic

172. Crossword Puzzle

173. Silver Lining

174. Gloves

175. All that Glitters

176. Jealousy

177. How Does Your Garden Grow?

178. Jury Duty

179. Gifts

180. Running

181. Discovery

182. Complain

183. Gratitude

184. Chemistry

185. Applause

186. Old Endings Into New Beginnings

187. Longing

188. I Am

189. Rainbow

190. Museum

191. Cartoon

192. Copycat

193. From the Roof-tops

194. Time Travel

195. Changing Places

196. Neighborhood

197. Pirates

198. Interview

199. Hiding Spaces

200. Extreme Makeover

201. Empathy

202. Opposites

203. Boredom

204. Strength

205. Hunger

206. Greed

207. Volcano

208. Movie Night

209. Sneeze

210. Moonlight

211: Star-crossed

212. Font-tastic

213. Schedule

214. Grandparents

215. Collage

216. In-class

217. Waterfall

218. First Kiss

219. So Ironic

220. Limerick

221. Grocery Shopping

222. Fashion

223. So Close

224. Drinks on Me

225. Online Friends

226. Admiration

227. Trash Day

228. Mailbox

229. Fresh & Clean

230. Energized

231. Rhyme & No Reason

232. Tech Support

233. Hotel

234. Underwater

235. Breathing

236. Liar, Liar

237. Death

238. Pocket

239. Cinquain

240. Alphabetical

241. Comedy Club

242. Cheater

243. Sestina

244. Fight

245. Social Network

246. Peaceful

247. In the Clouds

248. At the Park

249. Sonnet

250. Should, Would, And Could

251. How to

252. Alliteration

253. Poker Face

254. Timer

255. Drowning

256. Lights, Camera, Action

257. Under Your Spell

258. Out of the Box

259. Under the Influence

260. Forgotten

261. Rocks and Gems

262. Remote Control

263. Symbolism

264. Light at the End of the Tunnel

265. Smoke and Fire

266. Railroad

267. Clipboard

268. Shipwrecked

269. Quotable

270. Mind Map it Out

271. Patterns

272. Scrapbook

273. Cure

274. You are My Drug

275. Wishful Thinking

276. Doodle

277. Chalkboard

278. Sticky

279. Flashlight

280. A Far Away Place

281. On the Farm

282. Promise to Yourself

283. Brick Wall

284. Making a Choice

285. Repeat

286. Outcast

287. Monsters

288. Sacrifice

289. Imperfection

290. Birthday

291. Coffee

292. Job Interview

293. Get Well

294. Lost in the Crowd

295. Apple a Day

296. Cravings

297. Phobia

298. In the Moment

299. Concrete

300. Stars

301. This Old House

302. Clutter

303. Go Fly a Kite

304. On the TV

305. Fruit

306. Long Distance Love

307. Glasses

308. Robotic

309. Cute as a Button

310. Bookstore

311. Easy-Peasy

312. Idiom

313. Playground

314. Romance

315. Rock Star

316. Come to Life

317. Airplane

318. Health & Beauty

319. Determination

320. Instrumental

321. Wait Your Turn

322. Personal

323. Decade

324. I Believe

325. Lost and Found

326. Say It

327. The Unsent Letter

328. The Windows of the Soul

329. Trial and Error

330. Escape

331.What’s Cooking

332. Records

333. Banking

334. Sweet Talk

335. Serendipity

336. Distractions

337. Corporation

338. Word of the Day

339. Pick Me Up

340. Unfinished

341. Forgiveness

342. Weakness

343. Starting Over

344. Mechanical

345. Random Act of Kindness

346. Underground

347. Classic Rock

348. Night Owl

349. Magnetic

350. Teamwork

351. Roller-coaster

352. Motivation

353. Games

354. Turning Point

355. Under Arrest

356. Anniversary

357. Gamble

358. Picnic

359. Garage

360. Review

361. Detective

362. Camera

363. Visiting

364. Trust

365. Congratulations

#writing prompts #prompts #fanfiction #fandom #please request #bts #broadway #narnia #lotr #disney #dreamworks #harry potter #avengers #dc comics #miraculous ladybug #voltron

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basicsofislam · 6 years ago

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PROPHET MUHAMMAD (PBUH)’s BIOGRAPHY : Ka’b b. Zuhayr, The Poet, Becomes a Muslim

Ka’b b. Zuhayr was a great poet.

His father, Zuhayr, was among the most famous Arab poets and men of letters. He educated his two sons, Ka’b and Bujayr, as poets and men of letters like himself.

When Zuhayr b. Abi Sulma attended the talks of the People of the Book, he heard that a prophet would emerge at the end of time.

One night, he saw in his dream that a rope was hanging down from the sky; he reached out to hold it but he could not hold it. He interpreted his dream as follows: he would not be able to live long enough to see that prophet.

Therefore, before his death, he said to his sons, “Believe in the prophet to come.[ Halabi, Insanu’l-Uyun, Vol. 3, p. 238. ]

Many men of letters, poets and orators had been affected by the fluency and eloquence of the Quran and embraced Islam. However, there were still some people who insisted on polytheism and who continued expressing their hatred and enmity against the Prophet and Muslims through their poems and speeches. Ka’b b. Zuhayr was one of them.

When his father died, he inherited the fame of his father.

His brother, Bujayr, became a Muslim but Ka’b did not give up polytheism. He sometimes satirized the Prophet and Muslims and distressed them through the poems he wrote.

Once, he wrote a poem expressing his hatred, anger and denial satirizing his brother, Bujayr, because he embraced Islam and sent him to Bujayr. When Bujayr read the poem to the Prophet (pbuh), he became very sad. The poems of Ka’b transgressed the limits of tolerance because of his insults at Muslims. Thereupon, the Messenger of God said to his Companions,

“Kill Ka’b b. Zuhayr wherever you meet him. From this point onwards, it is permissible to shed his blood.”[ Ibn Kathir, Sirah, Vol. 3, p. 705; Qastalani, Mawahibu’l-Ladunniya, Vol. 1, p. 221. ]

After this permission, the end of Ka’b was definitely going to be terrible. Thinking about this, Bujayr wrote a letter to him in order to warn him and to give some advice to him. In the letter, he also wrote about the decision of the Prophet about Ka’b. He added that the only way of getting rid of this end was to go to the Messenger of God and ask for forgiveness.[ Ibn Hisham, Sirah, Vol. 4, p. 144; Ibn Kathir, ibid, Vol. 3, p. 699. ]

When Ka’b received the letter, he felt restless. The vast earth became a very narrow place for him. He felt as if he would die any minute. He knew that he was not going to get rid of the decision against him. He had to choose between two alternatives: To continue to be a polytheist and hide so that he will not be caught or to go to the presence of the Messenger of God and ask for forgiveness, stating that he repented and regretting what he had done.

Ka’b acted cleverly and chose the second alternative. Besides, when he received the letter from his brother, he started to feel repentant.

Ka’b covered the long distance in a very short time and came to Madinah, to the presence of the Messenger of God. The Prophet did not know him in person. Ka’b used this very cleverly. He kneeled down before the Prophet and said, “Ka’b b. Zuhayr repented and wants to come to your presence as a Muslim. If I bring him to you, will you accept his repentance and forgive him?”

If Ka’b stops distressing Muslims and feels repentant and embraces Islam, there will be no problem between him and the Messenger of God. As a matter of fact, the Messenger of God expressed his thought by saying, “Yes”.

Upon this reply, Ka’b became very happy and uttered kalima ash-shahada without letting the hands of the Messenger of God:

“I witness that there is no god but Allah and that Muhammad is the Messenger of God.”

The Messenger of God and the Companions around him were astonished; the Prophet asked him, “Who are you?”.

He said, “I am Ka’b b. Zuhayr, O Messenger of God!”.

Just then, one of the Companions said, “O Messenger of God! Let me kill this enemy of Islam. The Prophet said, “Leave him. He repented what he had done and embraced Islam.”[ Ibn Hisham, ibid, Vol. 4, p. 146-147; Ibn Kathir, ibid, Vol. 3, p. 700-705; Ibn Sayyid, Uyunu’l-Athar, Vol. 2, p. 209-212. ]

Ka’b, whose heart was conquered through the spiritual sword of Islam, recited a poem called “Banat Suadu”, which is among the masterpieces of Arab literature.

“...

As if the departure of Suad was not enough, people who reported others’ words said to me, ‘O son of Abu Sulma! Know that you are dead.’

Every one of the friends that I depended on and applied to said to me, ‘I cannot entertain and console you; paddle your own canoe.’

I said, ‘Get out of my way!’ What ar-Rahman preordained will take place.

No matter how long the lifespan of man is, he will definitely be carried in a coffin one day.

I heard that the Messenger of God would kill me.

What is most desired is being forgiven in the presence of the Messenger of God.

I came to the presence of the Messenger of God by expressing my apologies.

Apologies are always accepted by the Messenger of God.

Treat me with mercy and tolerance.

May God, who granted you the gift of the Quran containing a lot of advice and decrees.

Do not hold me responsible for what my rivals say.

Though they talk against me a lot, I am not so guilty.

I am in such a station now that if an elephant saw and heard what I saw and heard, it would definitely shiver.

“Only the pardoning of the Prophet with the permission of God may save me here now.

I am extending my right hand to the just hand of the Prophet without objecting to anything.

Now, his words count.

...

There is no doubt that the Messenger of God is a light that shows the right path and is one of the sharp swords of God that has been unsheathed in order to eliminate the evil.”[ Ibn Hisham, ibid, Vol. 4, p. 147-156; Ibn Kathir, ibid, Vol. 3, p. 701-705; Ibn Sayyid, ibid, Vol. 2, p. 209-212. ]

Ka’b continued his poem by mentioning the heroism and bravery of the Messenger of God and Muslims.

There was a couplet in the poet; the Messenger of God liked it very much. This was the couplet:

“There is no doubt that the Messenger of God is a light that shows the right path and is one of the sharp swords of God that has been unsheathed in order to eliminate the evil.”

When the Messenger of God heard that couplet, he took off his mantle, which he was wearing, gave it to this great poet and expressed his gratification and appreciation.

After that, the poet “Banat Suadu” was known as “Qasida al-Burda” (poem of the mantle).

Ka’b. b. Zuhayr always took pride in this gift of the Messenger of God everywhere. He kept it with him until his death.

Once, Muawiya wanted to buy it by paying him ten thousand dirhams. Ka’b said, “I would not want anyone to wear the mantle of the Messenger of God that I own.”[ Qastalani, ibid, Vol. 1, p. 222; Halabi, ibid, Vol. 3, p. 240. ]

However, Muawiya obtained what he wished after the death of Ka’b. He sent twenty thousand dirhams to his inheritors and obtained the holy mantle of the Messenger of God.[ Qastalani, ibid, Vol. 1, p. 222; Halabi, ibid, Vol. 3, p. 240. ]

Then, this holy mantle was transferred to Umayyads, then to Abbasids and then to the Ottomans through the hand of Sultan Selim I.[ . Hamî Danişmend, İzahl�� Osmanlı Tarihi Kronolojisi, Vol. 2, p. 43. ]

Today, this mantle is kept in the room of the Holy Mantle in Topkapı Palace, where some other relics of the Messenger of God are kept.[ Tahsin Öz, Hırka-i Saadet Dairesi ve Emanat-ı Mukaddese, p. 23. ]

“The Holy Mantle is 1,24 m long; it is made of black woolen fabric and has loose sleeves. The inside is lined with a cream woolen fabric. At the front, one part with the dimensions of 0,23 x 0,30 is missing. The right arm is not complete. It is partly worn out.

“... The Holy Mantle is kept in a golden box with two lids that can be opened upwards; its dimensions are (0,57 x 0, 45 x 0,21), and it is wrapped in bundles.There is a long inscription made by Sultan Abdulaziz, including a request for intercession.

This box is wrapped in bundles and put in a big golden chest. It was made by Sultan Abdulaziz; the following is inscribed on it: ‘La ilaha illallah. Wa ma arsalnaka illa rahmatan lilalamin. La ilaha illallah al-Maliku’l-Haqqu’l-Mubin-Muhammadun Rasulullah Sadiqu’l-Wa’di’l-Amin’ (There is no god but Allah. We sent thee not, but as a mercy for all creatures. There is no god but Allah,the King, the Right, the Manifest; Muhammad is the Messenger of God, Truthful to his Promise, the Trustworthy).

Its pedestal on four feet is plated with gold.” [ Tahsin Öz, ibid, Vol. 23-24. ]

Tahsin Öz, a former director of the Topkapı Palace Museum, also writes the following in his book:

“During the Ottoman period, the Sultan used to go to the Topkapı Palace on the 15thday of the month of Ramadan. The Holy Mantle used to be opened through a special ceremony; it used to be visited by the statesmen and government officials in the presence of the Sultan; handkerchiefs were given as gifts to them. Then, the women of the palace used to visit it.

The head guard of the Holy Mantle was the Sultan; when he was absent, it was the duty of an official to keep it. The servants of the Holy mantle worked in the same way until the Topkapı Palace was transformed into a museum (April 3, 1924).”[ Tahsin Öz, ibid, Vol. 23-24. ]

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dfroza · 3 years ago

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Today’s reading from the ancient book of Proverbs and book of Psalms

for August 26 of 2021 with Proverbs 26 and Psalm 26, accompanied by Psalm 68 for the 68th day of Astronomical Summer and Psalm 88 for day 238 of the year (now with the consummate book of 150 Psalms in its 2nd revolution this year)

[Proverbs 26]

Like snow in the summer and rain in the time of harvest,

so honor is never fitting for a fool.

Like a bird that flits and flutters or a swallow in mid-flight,

so a curse that lacks cause will never come to light.

A whip is for the horse, a bridle is for the donkey,

and a rod is for the fool’s back.

Never answer a fool on his own foolish terms,

or you will become like him;

Rather, answer a fool on his own foolish terms,

or he will become wise in his own eyes.

Like someone who cuts off his feet or drinks to his ruin,

so is the one who uses a fool to pass on his message.

As lame legs are useless, dangling on the crippled,

so is a proverb in the mouth of a fool.

Like one who ties a stone in his slingshot,

so is one who honors a fool.

Like a thorn in the hand of a drunkard,

so is a proverb in the mouth of a fool.

Like an archer who shoots at random and injures everyone,

so is a person who hires a fool or someone off the street.

Like a dog who goes back to his own vomit,

so is a fool who always returns to his foolishness.

Have you seen a person who is wise in his own sight?

Know that there is more hope for a fool than for him.

A lazy person says, “There’s a lion in the road!

A lion in the streets!

Another good reason to stay in today.”

As a door swings on its hinges and goes nowhere,

so a slacker turns over in his bed.

Some people are so lazy that they reach for food on the plate

but lack the will to bring it up to their mouths.

The slacker sees himself as wiser by far

than seven men who can converse intelligently.

Like a man who seizes a wild dog by the ears,

so is anyone who walks by and meddles in someone else’s argument.

Like a madman who hurls flaming spears and shoots deadly arrows,

So is anyone who deceives a neighbor

and then says, “But I was only joking with you.”

When there is no wood, the fire goes out;

when there is no one to spread gossip, arguing stops.

Like charcoal to smoldering embers and dry wood to a fire,

so a hot-tempered man kindles strife.

Whispered gossip is like a delicious first course:

it is devoured with pleasure and then penetrates deep within you.

Like a shiny glaze coating a rough clay pot,

so are burning lips that conceal an evil heart.

One who hates may camouflage it beneath pleasant words,

but deep inside him, treachery still rages;

Don’t believe him when he speaks kindly

because his heart is completely ruled by evil.

And though he covers his hatred with cleverness,

his wicked ways will be publicly exposed.

The one who digs a trap for another will fall into it,

and the one who starts rolling a stone will have it roll back over him.

Liars take no pity on those they crush with their lies,

and flattery spoils everyone it touches.

The Book of Proverbs, Chapter 26 (The Voice)

[Psalm 26]

A song of David.

Declare my innocence, O Eternal One!

I have walked blamelessly down this path.

I placed my trust in the Eternal and have yet to stumble.

Put me on trial and examine me, O Eternal One!

Search me through and through—from my deepest longings to every thought that crosses my mind.

Your unfailing love is always before me;

I have journeyed down Your path of truth.

My life is not wasted among liars;

my days are not spent among cheaters.

I despise every crowd intent on evil;

I do not commune with the wicked.

I wash my hands in the fountain of innocence

so that I might join the gathering that surrounds Your altar, O Eternal One.

From my soul, I will join the songs of thanksgiving;

I will sing and proclaim Your wonder and mystery.

Your house, home to Your glory, O Eternal One, radiates its light.

I am fixed on this place and long to be nowhere else.

When Your wrath pursues those who oppose You,

those swift to sin and thirsty for blood,

spare my soul and grant me life.

These men hold deceit in their left hands,

and in their right hands, bribery and lies.

But God, I have walked blamelessly down this path,

and this is my plea for redemption.

This is my cry for Your mercy.

Here I stand secure and confident

before all the people; I will praise the Eternal.

The Book of Psalms, Poem 26 (The Voice)

[Psalm 68]

A Song of Triumph

For the Pure and Shining One

David’s poetic song of praise

God! Arise with awesome power,

and every one of your enemies will scatter in fear!

Chase them away—all these God-haters.

Blow them away as a puff of smoke.

Melt them away like wax in the fire.

One good look at you and the wicked vanish.

But let all the righteous be glad!

Yes, let them all rejoice in your presence

and be carried away with gladness.

Let them laugh and be radiant with joy!

Let them sing their celebration-songs

for the coming of the cloud rider whose name is Yah!

To the fatherless he is a father.

To the widow he is a champion friend.

The lonely he makes part of a family.

The prisoners he leads into prosperity until they sing for joy.

This is our Holy God in his Holy Place!

But for the rebels there is heartache and despair.

O Lord, it was you who marched in front of your people,

leading them through the wasteland.

Pause in his presence

The earth shook beneath your feet; the heavens filled with clouds

before the presence of the God of Sinai.

The sacred mountain shook at the sight of the face of Israel’s God.

You, O God, sent the reviving rain upon your weary inheritance,

showers of blessing to refresh it.

So there your people settled.

And in your kindness you provided the poor with abundance.

God Almighty declares the word of the gospel with power,

and the warring women of Zion deliver its message:

“The conquering legions have themselves been conquered.

Look at them flee!”

Now Zion’s women are left to gather the spoils.

When you sleep between sharpened stakes,

I see you sparkling like silver and glistening like gold,

covered by the beautiful wings of a dove!

When the Almighty found a king for himself,

it became white as snow in his shade.

O huge, magnificent mountain,

you are the mighty kingdom of God!

All the other peaks, though impressive and imposing,

look with envy on you, Mount Zion!

For Zion is the mountain where God has chosen to live forever.

Look! The mighty chariots of God!

Ten thousands upon ten thousands,

more than anyone could ever number.

God is at the front,

leading them all from Mount Sinai into his sanctuary

with the radiance of holiness upon him.

He ascends into the heavenly heights,

taking his many captured ones with him,

leading them in triumphal procession.

And gifts were given to men, even the once rebellious,

so that they may dwell with Yah.

What a glorious God!

He gives us salvation over and over,

then daily he carries our burdens!

Pause in his presence

Our God is a mighty God who saves us over and over!

For the Lord, Yahweh, rescues us

from the ways of death many times.

But he will crush every enemy, shattering their strength.

He will make heads roll

for they refuse to repent of their stubborn, sinful ways.

I hear the Lord God saying to all the enemies of his people,

“You’d better come out of your hiding places,

all of you who are doing your best to stay far away from me.

Don’t you know there’s no place to hide?

For my people will be the conquerors;

they will soon have you under their feet.

They will crush you until there is nothing left!”

O God, my King, your triumphal processions

keep moving onward in holiness;

you’re moving onward toward the Holy Place!

Leaders in front, then musicians,

with young maidens in between, striking their tambourines.

And they sing, “Let all God’s princely people rejoice!

Let all the congregations bring their blessing to God, saying,

‘The Lord of the fountain! The Lord of the fountain of life!

The Lord of the fountain of Israel!’ ”

Astonishingly, it’s the favored youth leading the way:

princes of praise in their royal robes

and exalted princes are among them,

along with princes who have wrestled with God.

Display your strength, God, and we’ll be strong!

For your miracles have made us who we are.

Lord, do it again and parade from your temple your mighty power.

By your command even kings will bring gifts to you.

God, rebuke the beast-life that hides within us!

Rebuke those who claim to be “strong ones,”

who lurk within the congregation

and abuse the people out of their love for money.

God scatters the people who are spoiling for a fight.

Africa will send her noble envoys to you, O God.

They will come running, stretching out their hands in love to you.

Let all the nations of the earth sing songs of praise to Almighty God!

Go ahead, all you nations—sing your praise to the Lord!

Pause in his presence

Make music for the one who strides the ancient skies.

Listen to his thunderous voice of might split open the heavens.

Give it up for God, for he alone has all the strength and power!

Proclaim his majesty! For his glory shines down on Israel.

His mighty strength soars in the clouds of glory.

God, we are consumed with awe, trembling before you

as your glory streams from your Holy Place.

The God of power shares his mighty strength with Israel

and with all his people.

God, we give our highest praise to you!

The Book of Psalms, Poem 68 (The Passion Translation)

[Psalm 88]

God, you’re my last chance of the day.

I spend the night on my knees before you.

Put me on your salvation agenda;

take notes on the trouble I’m in.

I’ve had my fill of trouble;

I’m camped on the edge of hell.

I’m written off as a lost cause,

one more statistic, a hopeless case.

Abandoned as already dead,

one more body in a stack of corpses,

And not so much as a gravestone—

I’m a black hole in oblivion.

You’ve dropped me into a bottomless pit,

sunk me in a pitch-black abyss.

I’m battered senseless by your rage,

relentlessly pounded by your waves of anger.

You turned my friends against me,

made me horrible to them.

I’m caught in a maze and can’t find my way out,

blinded by tears of pain and frustration.

I call to you, God; all day I call.

I wring my hands, I plead for help.

Are the dead a live audience for your miracles?

Do ghosts ever join the choirs that praise you?

Does your love make any difference in a graveyard?

Is your faithful presence noticed in the corridors of hell?

Are your marvelous wonders ever seen in the dark,

your righteous ways noticed in the Land of No Memory?

I’m standing my ground, God, shouting for help,

at my prayers every morning, on my knees each daybreak.

Why, God, do you turn a deaf ear?

Why do you make yourself scarce?

For as long as I remember I’ve been hurting;

I’ve taken the worst you can hand out, and I’ve had it.

Your wildfire anger has blazed through my life;

I’m bleeding, black-and-blue.

You’ve attacked me fiercely from every side,

raining down blows till I’m nearly dead.

You made lover and neighbor alike dump me;

the only friend I have left is Darkness.

The Book of Psalms, Poem 88 (The Message)

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