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slasheddreams · 7 months ago

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Internet Overdose [ bag of marshmallows / broken glass / blood rain ]

please proceed with caution !! ⚠️ If you’re sensitive to any of the below, please read with care !! Don't force yourself to read, and if you choose to read it, please take care of yourselves 💕 and if you decide to read this, and get upset, you have no one to blame but yourself. You've been warned.

content warning for: [ inspired by Needy Streamer Overload and the Internet Overdose Ending ] [ brief mentions of doxxing, mentions of paparazzi/stalking, mentions of harassment, mentions of puking, descriptions of being watched, mentions of medication and overdose, implications of self-harm and harm/murder, etc. ]

Please take only the recommended internet dosage~ ♥︎

“Ame. Ame! Ame, are you even listening to me?”

Placing his hands on his waist, the off white haired boy shook his head in disappointment. Looking up slightly, the purple haired girl sighed.

“I’m busy. Trying to get the confirmation for YOUR trip to the music studio, actually. Can I help you?”

“… You can start by paying more attention to me~ I’m a needy streamer, Ame~ I’m YOUR needy streamer, even <3”

Winking, the boy giggled as Ame rolled her eye in annoyance. Clasping her hands on the desk, she waited silently. After a moment, the boy laughed sheepishly.

“… I’ve been feeling a little sluggish as of late. My name’s been popping up a little bit of everywhere..! Some of it is good… and some of it not so much.”

Wringing his hands nervously, he stared at the ground with a nervous expression. Leaning back, he laughed weakly. Raising a brow, she reached out, placing her hand on top of his.

“Do you need to take a break? I can cancel tonight’s stream while we’re still ahead.”

The words “take a break” resonated in the streamer’s mind, like crashing tidal waves against his conscious. His chest tightened at the thought. Take a break? And undo all that hard work he had put in? It was just a little stress, nothing he couldn’t handle! Nothing some alone time before a stream couldn’t fix.

Squeezing his hands gently, Ame stood up carefully. Untangling his locked fingers from one another, she rubbed her thumb against the palm of his shaky hands. She always seemed to take care of him when he couldn’t take care of himself. She was more than his roommate. More than just his moderator. She was his friend. Even if he sometimes found himself wishing for more.

“… Naa! Why would I, the internet’s darling angel, ever need to take a break? I just wanted to tell my darling Ame how I’m feeling~ is it a crime to tell Moderator Ame things! Gasp! Am I going to internet jail!?”

Gasping, he placed his hand over his chest, shaking his head and dramatically stumbling around . Turning over his heel, he stumbled back, dramatically landing on top of Ame’s lap. She yelped, then, facepalmed in annoyance. Wrapping an arm around Ame’s shoulder, he nuzzled up against the smaller girl.

“Honey Buns, relax! I’ve got it all under control!”

“Angel… is your idea of having things under control smoking magic grass until your mind is too numb to perceive problems?

Laughing nervously, Angel sat up straight before stumbling out of Ame’s reach. Forcing a smile, he pointed at the paper in front of Ame’s desk with twinkling eyes.

“Didn’t you say you were trying to get the confirmation for the studio visit with Miss Robynn? You should get back to that, while I get ready for the next stream!”

Silence fell between the two roommates, hanging heavily in the air. It almost felt suffocating to Angel. He felt sick to his stomach. Trying to confide in his dear friend, only to backpedal, and not take himself seriously… he felt like such a joke.

…

I hope Ame isn’t upset because of me.

---

Sitting down in his room, Angel’s brows furrowed. Everything he needed to start the stream laid in front of him, the clothes, the makeup, the tweeter account for K-Angel. His eyes fell on Tweeter, the cacophony of voices and anons, swirling in hatred and vitriol, all aimed towards one person.

Him.

He didn’t understand, how could people be so hateful and cruel? He was the internet’s angel, yes, but he was still a person. His heart ached. Reaching over, he grabbed the pieces for his K-Angel persona. Even if he didn’t want to stream today, K-Angel would be streaming for all their adoring fans. And he couldn’t leave them hanging, no.

Pulling his computer close to his chest, he opened up his tweeter for K-Angel, tapping his fingers against his lips in deep thought. Eventually, once they had the budget and resources to do so, he'd turn over the tweeter account to a marketing professional. It should have made things easier for him, yet... He shook his head with a frown.

"Hey, cuties! It's your favorite angel! I'll be streaming shortly! I hope to see you there! ♥︎"

It didn't take long for the vitriol and venom to roll in.

Running his hands through his hair, he laughed hollowly. Closing his eyes, he mumbled. His eyes began to water, yet he bite his tounge. He could handle a little hate. He had to. Looking up at his computer, watery eyes fell onto the packet of Embian by his laptop's side. Hmm... Well, there's nothing a little embian couldn't fix, right?

Picking up the packet of Embian, he paused. His fingers twitched, he glanced at the chat with Ame. Maybe... just maybe he could try to reach out again...

...

Hah. He wished he could. Popping the Embian, he threw his head back, giggling with a smile. Rolling his neck, cocking it to the side, he cleared his throat.

"Hey, cuties!"

Smiling, he waved to the audience. Fake. All of it.

They despised him, and he despised them. They were nothing more than goddamned cowards. They only knew how to drag others down, they were only capable of causing harm, because their lives held such little meaning outside their own existence.

The instantaneous hate comments proved his point.

"Why would you say something like that... Seriously... What the hell is your problem?" Sneering, Angel rubbed his face in frustration. They were always like this, hating and bitching for no other reason than to do so. "Don't you see that I'm over here, busting my ass trying to stream every day? You goddamned cowards."

Rage bubbled in his voice, slight agony behind each word. Squeezing his arms tightly, he couldn't help it. His body ached from hours alone, just his thoughts and razor blade. Cutting deeper than any words could. Slicing deeper than any memory was capable of doing. Hatred welled up from deep within his chest, his hands trembling.

"All you know is how to drag others down with you, like leeches, like parasites. To be honest... I'm sick of it. I mean, how empty is your life, that you have to bully someone online like a cracker barrel crackhead harassing the waitress?"

Gritting his teeth, his eyes fell on the chat. A slew of comments, friendly and not, flooded the chat. However... one commenter caught his eye.

rain_candy >> ... Angel ?

... He felt like he was going to be sick. His throat burned as he clasped his hands over his mouth. Gagging, he tried to suppress the rising bile in his throat to no avail.

...

The stream cut out before anyone could make much sense of the transpiring events. His palms trembled, covered in the sins of his own anger. He felt ill. Shaking, he grimaced as he looked at himself in the glare of the monitor. It was all over him. He felt gross. There was only fluid, thankfully, but he didn't feel very comforted.

Tears welled up in his eyes, hands trembling in panic. He barely recognized himself.

"Oh my god, Angel- Holy shit, you look terrible-"

Grimacing at the voice coming from behind him, he coughed. Everything burned. He felt so stupid. Groaning, he whined as Ame lifted a towel to his mouth, gently patting away the vomit from his face.

"Ough... it's everywhere... Gross... Let me get you new clothes so we can wash those as soon as possible."

... he felt a bit of a fool. Yet, he couldn't help but lean into the gentle and caring touch. The soft hands, the towel, the love and care and attention. He probably looked extremely pathetic, shaking and in tears. He felt so riled up... and he couldn't justify any of it.

"... Sorry..."

Tugging the vomit-covered clothes off his person, Ame grimaced as she scooped them into the towel. Sighing, she pointed towards the shower. She didn't have to say anything, he already knew. He felt too ill to not take one.

Fumbling out of the chair, he stumbled out of the streaming room. There was so much happening in such a short time. He felt like everything was falling apart. It was so painful. Why was he such a mess? He couldn't even take care of himself. He felt so guilty.

---

Sometimes, it takes a little more than a good night's rest and care from a dear friend to get better. Sitting on the edge of the bed, she ran her hand along the back of the sleeping streamer's neck. Dragging her nails lightly through his hair, her eyes fell on his phone. Constantly flashing, constantly buzzing. Tweeter occupied his home screen like it was a virus. Shifting onto her knees, Ame scooped up the buzzing phone. Disgust, hatred, and vitriol filled his home screen. Did they even sleep?

Shaking her head, she shifted back onto the side of the bed. Grabbing his hand gently, she pressed his thumb against the home button. Unlocking the phone, she entered Tweeter, she grimaced in pain. A feed filled to the brim with hatred... no wonder he fell so violently ill.

...

"Ame... Ame..."

Leaning against the doorway, Angel whined softly. Stumbling into Ame's office, he wrapped his arms around her shoulders from behind. Nuzzling his face into her neck, he whined again.

"Ame... Ame, I'm hungry..."

"Make yourself something to eat then."

Mumbling softly, Ame reached up, gently placing her hand on his head. Earning another whine from the boy, she shook her head. Tightly gripping onto her, Angel huffed again.

"Nuh-uh. It's your turn to cook, I have to get ready for tonight's stream, duh."

The stream... Her brows furrowed in frustration as she thought about it. He had made himself sick because he felt the need to stream and puked on camera as a result. It was painfully clear he was destroying himself for something that didn't seem to be worth it anymore. Having fun wasn't worth it if it was inflicting pain.

"... Maybe you shouldn't. At least, not right now... I mean, just looking at my tweeter timeline and /st/... I think you need to take a break."

"... I can't do that. We have no other source of revenue. And, if I can't handle a little bit of hate, what good am I? I'm fine! It's fine. We're..."

Nausea hit his chest like tidal waves as his eyes fell on the open tweeter feed on his roommate's phone.

>> I WILL PROTECC KANGEL >> I love kangel, and I love seeing cute girls puke, so I'm happy! >> ive always hated kangel lmaaaooo

Gagging, he let go of Ame, stumbling backward. Clasping his hands over his mouth, bile rose from his throat. Running out of the room, Ame could hear Angel emptying out his already empty stomach. Sighing, she stood up, following him out of the room. Kneeling down by his side, she gently rubbed his back. Groaning, Angel slumped over on his side, laying his head on Ame's lap. Tears welled up in his eyes as he choked back a sob. He felt like shit. Someone. Anyone.

Save me.

...

"Maybe if I just try and stream like normal, maybe no one will really care! I mean, internet phenomena pass really quickly. In a week's time, I'm sure only internet freaks will remember, and it says more about them than it does me."

Laughing weakly, he tugged on the edge of his collar. His usual outfit was still drying from the events of last night, so wearing that was out of the question. Thankfully, K-Angel has many alternative outfits he could wear. His chest still ached, his throat burned in protest, his eyes watered slightly, but he couldn't let that stop him. Ame didn't have a job, and for now, this was their only source of income.

Laying his head in his hands, he tried to ignore the constant clicks and dings on his computer. Texts, DMs, posts, notifications, screen after screen after screen, god, why wouldn't they be silent? Groaning, he mumbled to himself. He knew, sure, if this didn't work out in the end, he could always fall back on his parents and sister. Sure, it wasn't the most ideal situation for him, one of his fathers was wholly absent, always at work, always off at some bar, always with someone else. His sister was okay, sure. A little mischievous, sure, and always a bit off-kilter (something about a thing named Aha?) but she was far from the worst. And his other father... he didn't want to think about it. But, at least he had somewhere to fall back. Ame didn't.

He hated to think about it like this. But, for Ame, he was all she had. He was all she had left, and he was the person she entrusted with his safety. She had no family, no safe spaces to go, and her memory seemed to short-circuit more and more often. If he wasn't careful, there was a chance she'd leave, and never be seen again. That thought scared him. He couldn't help it, he felt... oddly drawn to her. He wanted to be able to give her a good life, it's why he got into streaming in the first place. If he could make it big, he could always care for her and himself. And he'd never have to rely on anyone else, ever again.

But the internet is a place he despised. Even while being at its mercy. He hoped it exploded someday.

...

"Heya, cuties! It's me, your darling internet angel! Here for you through thick and thin ♥︎"

He was usually good at faking it, just enough to get through to the ending of a stream. He'd done it for 19 years on end, just enough faking to get by. Be a functional member of society, be kind, polite, and courteous. Societal norms...

Those only apply to misfits, don't they? And misfits can't win with normies. Ever.

He could feel his stomach churning again. At least this time, Ame made him take a bucket wherever he went.

"Let's get onto today's topic! Which is... corned beef!"

He's never actually had corned beef before. He didn't know why in particular this was what he decided to talk about. Ame has some in the fridge... maybe he should ask Ame if he can try some.

... If there was any more left by the time he remembered to ask.

"Corned beef is quite odd, right? It can come in a plastic package, or in a can...! But it's still the same thing... and another thing, it's actually called brisket in some stores. I mean, who was in charge of marketing there?"

Shaking his head, he placed a hand on his chin. "Brisket, the version of corned beef that comes in plastic packages rather than cans, comes in many shapes and forms! Sometimes, it's thinly cut" - he could see the hate comments flooding in, seriously, his puke? Talk about beating a dead horse - "or a thicker cut, and the quality, it's just never consistent! I mean, come on" - more comments, begging him to puke, to ruin himself all over again. Hah. He wouldn't give them the chance - "And the canned stuff? Looks like a cold corpse, bread's dead cousin! And corned beef hash? What even is that! No, like, seriously, what is it supposed to be used for?" These comments were getting on his fucking nerves. Seriously. Get a grip, commentators.

"... Never mind, I don't want to talk about it anymore. Let's talk about something else!" Pointing at the camera, he sneered. "Hey, hey commentator "puke-a-cola", I have a question for you! Do you know what's more confusing than corned beef?" Tilting his head, he relished in their panic. Online trolls are never prepared for a personal callout. "Hey, hey commentator "karma-wheel", do you know the answer? Or, or, "weed-killer"? Come on, don't any of you have the answer? Or, are all your brains filled with puuukeee? Gross, squishy, there's so little in there."

>> Ugh, attacking your fans? Talk about pathetic lol

Furrowing his brows in frustration, he scoffed.

"If I'm sooo pathetic, then, stop watching, crackhouse cockguzzlers! Close the damn stream! Or are you sooo obsessed with me, trying to gain a glimpse of me puking?! Perverts!"

Gripping his fist, his teeth sank into the skin of his thumb. Grumbling to himself in frustration, he laughed bitterly. The comments kept rolling in, one atop another. Shocked, offended, hateful, concerned, all sorts of comments rolled in. His stomach stirred, a wave of disgust and hatred boiling within himself. He hated them he hated them he hated them he hated them he hated them he hated them he hated them he hated them he hated them-

"I mean, what are you? A sadist? Oh, I bet you reallllyyyyy love to see others suffer! You just get off to their sobs, their pain, and SUFFERING. You disgust me, you're sick, you're sick, you're sick!"

He couldn't hold it back any longer. Any more and they'd get exactly what they'd want. He can't control his body, but he'll be damned if they get it.

...

The stream ended abruptly. She could hear him in the background, wrenching, puking his guts out. She felt bad for him, she wanted to help him, she really did. But...

He didn't want help. He was always too proud to accept it.

Sighing, Ame pondered. Does she want to go over, and see how he's faring? He was pretty angry with those commentators... she didn't want him to be angry with her too. Mumbling to herself, she curled up in her wheely chair, she pulled out her phone. Leaning on her fist, Ame couldn't help but mindlessly scroll.

If he wants my help... he'll come to me.

Scrolling through Tweeter, Ame paused a moment. Sitting up in her chair, she narrowed her eyes in worry.

>> His real name is Satoru, apparently. >> wait? Like, the sorcerer? No way! >> I heard he's also a shut-in who always skips out on school! >> and his moderator? I heard he's trapped her in their relationship, she's got no way out even if she wanted.

That... isn't good. No wonder he was so sick as of late.

... she didn't know if she should tell him or not. That might cause a spiral. Well, if he finds out on his own... either option isn't quite ideal.

---

"Urgh..."

Why were there so many eyes everywhere? Watching him, staring at him, waiting for him. Watching, observing, staring, witnessing... Was he even safe in his own home anymore? The scratching on the floor, the taps on the window, the nails on the wood... make it stop. Please. Someone. Anyone.

Running his hands through his hair, he grimaced, hissing in pain. The endless ping-ing from his laptop felt like a dawning, bellowing, shaking the room like a giant slamming its hands into the ground. Shaking an already unstable structure. Was everything falling around him? He felt so scared.

>> a metube with no angel... >> angels don't really exist... >> You won't believe why the famous streamer "OMGkawaiiangel" is being flamed online! >> Apparently people found out K-Angel's identity! And he's the son of a famous sorcerer! Who would have known? The plot thickens!

Stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT-

Gripping his hair in panic, a weak sob escaped his throat. Tears welled up in his eyes, a painful feeling filling up his chest. The doorbell - [ ding! ding! ding! ] - oh please, not the doorbell. Ringing in his ears, ringing, ringing, ringing, and ringing. It hurts, it hurts, it hurts so much. It's a burning, raw sensation, knawing at his skin. - [ ding! ding! ding! ] - It tears at his skin, a sickening sensation, painful and gruesome. And the tapping on the window - [ tap! tap! tap! ] - god god make it stop. Leave me alone LEAVE ME ALONE - [ tap! tap! tap! ] - please please PLEASE.

"... Angel?"

The eyes, in the corners of the room, from the windows, from the computer. They're all there, staring at him, watching him. Never looking away, never blinking, always watching. Aggressive, knawing dread. Tearing him apart, bit by bit, piece by piece. A dissection, all for your entertainment !

"Angel??"

Please. Please, god. If there even was a god out there. Please. His hands gripped the bloody box cutter tighter. ... when did he get a hold of that? Everything was blending together. His wrists hurt. His skin burned. Maybe it would help him feel better. It didn't. He was desperate to feel something. Anything.

"Angel? Where did you go...?"

Were they already inside? God, no, please. Anything but invading his personal space. Ugh, there really is no end to them, like gross little maggots, writhing inside his internet-ridden corpse... the visual made him feel a little sick. I can hear their footsteps outside. His eyes fell on the bloody box cutter. Sharp and small. He could rule it as self-defense, they stepped into his property. This would be their fault. They deserved every scar. They both did.

"Angel-! Angel!"

...

Blood dripped from a small, thin gash on her cheek. A crimson-red liquid welled up and overflowed, staining rosy cheeks in foul blood. Tears pricked the edges of her eyes, a tight feeling rising in her chest. The box cutter lay only an inch away from her face, gripped in his shaking hand, thick and viscous blood dripping silently from the tip of his blade and the wounds from his arm... and onto the ground.

Die. You don't deserve to be in this world, in my world. Get out, get OUT.

Die. Stop screaming, stop crying. It's so grating, so painful. This is your fault. You came to my house, through my door, into my room to torment me. This is your fault.

Die. Stop struggling. You asked for this! Watching me so closely, never turning your gaze to anyone or anything else. Didn't you want this? My attention? My gaze? I'm giving it allllll to you! Cut by cut. slice by slice. Vessel by vessel. Craving out a personal autograph, just for you ♥︎

Squelch ♥︎ Squelch ♥︎ ! Squishy ♥︎ Squish ♥︎ ! Tearing. Dismantling. Dissecting. Dying ♥︎ Dying. Dying. And then...

... pure silence. All pure silence now, not a sound in earshot. No eyes in sight. No tapping on the windows. No people at the door. Just, pure and uninterrupted bliss. Was this heaven? At that moment, all he could hear was the sound of Ame's blood, soaking the bedroom floor.

Kill me.

---

"I didn't know how to care for a guppy fish. So, I did a lot of research! But it died really quickly anyway. I don't even remember its name. I wish I was like that guppy."

His words no longer seemed to be making much of any sense. As of late... it was like he was lost in his own mind. I was so worried he'd do something drastic. That he'd harm himself, that he'd do something that he could never come back from, that he'd be unretrievable from his own mind.

"Heya, cuties! I have some unfortunate news today before the stream starts!"

He held a small portrait in his arms. Blood soaked the inner frame, and a small, frail-looking girl rested inside, behind the glass. She was a small, petite girl, with deep purple hair, soft purple eyes, snow like freckles.

"My one and only moderator left me! I don't know where she went... But, my withered pride won't take me until I'm satisfied ♥︎ So, streams will be planned and moderated by yours truly until I can find someone to cover ♥︎ meaning... well, there might be a couple delays in the foreseeable future... so, stay by my side, cuties ♥︎ As I guide you to the light."

There was a smile on his face, a soft grin matched with empty eyes. The light that shone in them has long since faded. But, he felt nothing, but pure ecstasy. Like he was floating upon some imaginary clouds, far above where anything could reach him. This was true, unadulterated bliss.

"You know, bad people are often referred to as "demons", right? You know, "so-and-so is a DEMON lol" and whatnot? But, is that really true?"

"Demons only killed like... 10 people tops. Meanwhile... God killed like 2 million! That's a lot more than any demon has ever done!"

"Soo... if someone does something reaaaally bad... doesn't it make more sense to call them God?"

.....

Jrypbzr gb gur Vagrearg Natry'f Fgernz!

Abj, fur vf gehyl unccl.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ENDING ?? - INTERNET OVERDOSE ♥︎

>> Try Again? > Yes!! > No!!

#[ rain_candy // moderator ]#[ ☒ // data recollection ]#[ starman slaughter // needy streamer overload ]#[ k-angel ♥︎ // angel ]#[ rain_candy ♥︎ // ame ]#writing #oc writing #[ that took a while i hope its. good? ]#[ it's a lot darker than i usually would go for but I like. wanted to write this idea so uhm. i sowwy. ]#[ also please don't force yourselves to read it if the warnings make you uncomfortable! it's dark I know. ]#[ you can support me by taking care of yourself ♥︎ have a good day/night angels ]

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