#Dan Howell is an inspiration

[bish-plz-haha]

I need to vent; another tangent

I'm watching a video that is making me cry.

So there's a video I just found that was made after Dan Howell came out - back in 2019 or whenever it was - and there's a lot of videos online of Dan answering fan questions on live videos between 2013 and 2017 or whatever where people were constantly like "are you gay?". He used to get those a lot. There's also one video from a live where he is talking about how much he didn't like himself - if you know you know. His story when he came out really hit home for me - still does - but my mind completely forgot about the "I hate everything about myself, ask anyone who knows me" thing until I watched this video. Just, thinking back on a lot of that stuff, a lot of shit Dan has said has really hit home for me.

And I would like to say that Dan is a very aesthetically pleasing person to look at. Like he is a very gorgeous human being. And I'm not sure why but it's just really hitting home and just full on punching me in the face that Dan hated himself so much for so long and a lot of it was because of this thing that he had no control over. And through his childhood, he was told that this thing is a bad thing. As a person who has gone through the fear of questioning one's self, I'm thankful that I never dealt with that. I had people who supported me for who I was and never told me that I couldn't be this thing because it was bad. And to see this guy come out of nowhere - just sort of rise out of the ashes - and be like, "I'm here." But still hate himself so much and try to supress a part of himself and yet have all these people just hounding him and pointing out this thing he hates about himself.

As a part of the phandom, I was never one of those people. I will say that with confidence. I just kind of kept to the shadows, as I do today. I didn't care if he was gay, straight, an alien, a worm - my point is it never mattered to me. And it still doesn't matter to me someone's sexuality. But it just hit me tonight, hard, that the incredible Daniel Howell hated himself for so long over something he couldn't control. And people were constantly hounding him about this thing he was trying to hide about himself... and now he's happy. I mean, happy enough to be who he really is. He's been dealing with depression for a long time, I know, but he's able to be here and be queer.

The recent gaming channel videos have been getting me. Dan has been laughing - genuinely laughing. And just being himself. And it brings me a lot of joy. I just really fucking love Dan.

If I ever get a chance to meet @danielhowell I just wanna tell him how proud of him I am. I've been watching Dan and Phil for, god, 10 years now and I remember a lot of these moments that Dan has had on his livestreams. I was there. And it's only now just hitting me. It's been 4, almost 5, years since Dan came out. And as a fan of his: I'm proud.

I'm so very proud of him and his journey to self acceptance. I love Dan so much, and maybe it's because I've related to him a lot in my life, but I absolutely love Dan - and I will say this as many times as I need to. He's an inspiration. And I wish I could tell him.

[reunitedinterlude]

phil: whenever i see an ambulance, i like to think there is a baby being born, rather than a death (1, 2, 3)

[seriouslyimagine]

female rage

[embrace-the-vo1d]

Been thinking about /her/

[zharizard666]

the tackle glomp of '09

[ghoulish-art-tendencies]

@danielhowell and @amazingphil as Jesse and James from Pokémon

[an-internet-introvert]

Countdown to October 19th (11/19)

Interactive Introverts

[schrodingers-fool]

F1 is a hugely popular sport and yet every time I hear someone knows it I’m like omg you know my niche little interest wow

[amid-fandoms]

i'm sorry but if i went on a getaway holiday with only my bro dude bestie friend and came back with a brand new album with hits like 'phantasy island, 'shove an ice cube all the way', 'danaconda', 'philacolada', 'SPF 69', 'do not disturb' and 'blondes have more fun' i would literally have to dig a hole in the ground to hide in from shame after sharing too fucking much

[quotelr]

My only regrets are the moments when i doubted myself and took the safe route. Life is too short to waste time being unhappy.

Dan Howell

[manchesterau]

(´♡‿♡`)

[invisible-brandy]

i mean that picture is literally them

ref under the cut

[dumbasch]

“dnfasmevatuvoomnomn” 💔💔🥺🥹

[kat-aa]

[bitchslapblastoids]

I think maybe some people don’t give Dan (or perhaps anyone!) enough leeway to change and be a multifaceted being. Yeah, in the past he has definitely had a complex about ~meaning and purpose~ and yeah, he overthought everything way too much and was kind of elitist about content, and yeah, he could get in his own way. In some ways that was very good! It pushed him to make things he felt proud of. It’s a good thing to care, right? But it also meant he could be obnoxious and snobby sometimes. And other times it meant he could turn his resentment inwards, at least publicly, which could put the audience that loved his/phil’s work in an awkward position.

Buttttt, I think he’s been able to grow up, get the elitism and reflexive second-guessing out of his system, stop taking himself so seriously, see the beauty of lighthearted joyful silly content and the value of an audience just watching two queer dudes who’ve had a journey and a half but made it through and can now just vibe and be silly and in love. That that is enough. I don’t think he has as much to guard anymore, as he seems much more secure in himself, which i think also explains him being more willing to be open re: him and Phil.

It’s a good thing to change. Most people don’t have to go through all their stages of change in front of an audience. Dan gave himself time and space to do some of the growth more privately during hiatus, but growth is continuous, and it can be weird and messy, and he’s both very private as well as an aggressive oversharer, so all of that combined made for a weird couple years of him trying to find his new footing. But I don’t think there’s anything false and grubby about this current era of Dan and his changed perspective. I think it’s just growth and happiness! Look at how he spoke about his tatinof era self - with love and appreciation. He used to disparage his past self so frequently. Growth! Change! It’s a beautiful thing!

[dnpg-hiatus-survivor]

dan and phil didn’t just set up camp at phwedding hill, they built a phouse on it. and i, for one, think that’s beautiful