#DOT NEEDS THIS APPOINTMENT SHE NEEDS HER VACCINES FUCK

[spacebeyonce]

confirmed dot's vet appointment and then IMMEDIATELY remembered I don't have a working debit card.

[due4amiracle]

Day 158

List was a disaster, not even gonna talk about that.

Moving on.

Manhwa:

Death Is the Only Ending for the Villainess - BEST SWARD FOR BEST SWARDBOI!!!!

Seduce the Villain's Father - This boi i stg he needs to figure his shit out, he's ruining things. Ok no that bitch is ruining everything but, this boi. He's fuckin' shit up.

The Twin Siblings’ New Life - OooOoOooOOO we're learnin' about Mommy! Interesting, hmm. i mean, she's still a p.o.s but. It's interesting to learn about her and stuff!

The Necromancer Maid - Oh...Oh Lance. ;_;

The Youngest Princess - W H O WERE YOUUUUUU?!!!! Oh goshgoshgosh goodness. Phew.

The Monster Duchess and Contract Princess - Gaaaaaasp! Oh goodness, well then, let's see...hm. Hmhm. She's going to kill him, isn't she. *squint* and...bestgirl is going to use the /shadows/ to protect herself from the /death thingy/. Hmhm! At least, that's what i'm thinking. Only time will tell!

Read my two chapters - still interesting.

Did my dailies, today's roll was a cutie Xingqiu again, which is fine. :) One more dot and his constellation is full~

Can’t remember if i mentioned it, but, our vaccine appointment has been made! Sure it’s a month from now, but hey, it’s made and that’s the important bit - April 7th~ And Transportation too! :D Wonder which one we’ll be getting...hm. Not sure. We’ll have to set up transportation for a month after, possibly. (Here’s hoping we’ll have a car by then...? UGH FINGERS FUCKING CROSSED!!!!!!)

Did a decent little bit of cleaning. Just, got rid of things that aren’t needed any more just throw it the fuck away. Get rid of it. The box got emptied, so now it’s time to fill it back up again! Didn’t get to work much on that, but Sir did, i added a little bit to it, and changed the kitchen trash. Threw away some stuff in the bedroom. 

What else did i do today, hmm... Diddled around on my browser stuff, got a couple of events going on that i’m participating in. Loaded up Kongregate again, for...idk reasons i guess. Whatever. That was about all, tbph. 

Food: A - Bread! Yay~ Liquid: A - All the Required Recommended Drinking accomplished! Pain: B - SSDD amirite? Hands, headache, joints, back. Brain: B Focus, as per usual, was my weak point. Having so many things to do, and not enough time to do them all - and not enough attention span to properly get any of them fuckin’ done really fuckin’ sucks. But, it is what it is.

Tomorrow: Throw one thing away, read two chapters, do dailies, write on longform (either).

Ever Onwards and Upwards!

(oops i never posted this oh well here it is!)

[smoresmoresmore]

Will edit later

I just have to say

I was possibly exposed to Rabies and came to Tumblr for help and advice and was THOROUGHLY AND DISTURBINGLY DISAPPOINTED WITH THE RABIES TAG.

Omg

I was convinced I was going to die and searching anything Rabies related was UNHELPFUL AF. Not judging but y'all did not help lol.

Very long explanation of why I thought I was going to die:

Waking up to a bat (2 nights in a row) is not automatic cause to assume you will die but it is, I found out after talking to the Dept. Of Agriculture and their Epidemiologist, an immediate cause to go straight to the ER and get shot up with the vaccine and immunoglobulin so you DON'T POTENTIALLY DIE. It is not something the doctors can argue against and it is not something you should postpone. Especially since I was "under the influence" (Nyquil) at the time and even less likely to notice if I had gotten scratched or bitten. My being unaware was the key point in the urgency of going to the ER.

The ER doc was highly annoyed I knew just what to say ("I woke up with a bat in my face") and he grumpily admitted he was bound to follow CDC protocol. His annoyance was so obvious he repeatedly told me how unlikely it was I was bit and explained how "intense" the shots would be. I assume he felt the medicine could be put to better use on someone who was 100% sure and/or was injured. When I asked him what would happen to me if I WAS bitten and didn't get the shot like he wanted, he sighed and admitted "Well, you die."

"Well, shoot me up, doc!"

That night I got 7 shots. One in my arm, which hurt so bad--I guess because my nurse was new and may habe gone too deep because the subsequent shots I have gotten in the same arm haven't been anywhere near as painful-- and 6 in my buttcheeks. 3 in each.

Waking up from my Nyquil coma to a bat in my face was not fun. I had never related to those movie scenes of people screaming and running around afraid if bats. But jessuz. They are fast. And this one was swooping around my living room and deliberately getting super close to me. I had to hide under my blanket and in my fevered state this made me sweat. Trying to herd it to my now opened windows did not help. I tried to call police, fireman andnanimal control; the 1st two were useless and the 3rd was not open at 1am.

Eventually I reached out to my townie facebook group and got advice. White towels attract them. Or make it dark and quiet and hide--I did this as I was not going to run around with a towel in my undies like that video--which worked. 2 very concerned people urged me to go to a doctor.

"You say you have flu-like symptoms and a constant fever and you sleep in that room a lot. You really need to go to the ER. Rabies is so dangerous."

And after 2 nights of dealing with bats and my fever spiking right around the time they show up, I existed in a dark hole of stress. So much so that the second morning I woke up to my hand twitching erratically and my thumb muscle spasming and I started bawling. I had already gotten the shots the day before so I knew if I encountered anything rabid I should be okish (I still had 3 more to go before I was fully protected) but now, with my glitchy hand, I was panicking about "WHAT IF I ALREADY HAD IT?!"

Urgent Care had ruled out Strep twice for my odd sickness and had assured me I have a random virus and to just stay in bed for a few days. Which I had been doing faithfully, before getting bored and moving to my livingroom nest. I like to sleep in there a lot and often do when the weather is nice. I just made sure to drink water and tea and get sunlight and all the things. Including Nyquil. But my fevers were getting worse. I was feeling like crap. And now what we all assumed to be A Normal Virus was morphing into my worst nightmare.

Probably egged on by 101 temperatures, I called around until someone was willing to explaon to me whether I was dying or not. Getting told "You'll be fine. It is SO RARE," did not calm me down. I needed someone to explain how the long incubation period (months to a year) and symptoms (flu like, emotional, twitchy) did not match me.

I slept in that room on accident and on purpose since moving in almost 9 months ago. I'm a heavy sleeper and don't wake up easily. Iffff I had been bitten during one of my all-nighters doing math homework or essay writing, it makes sense I would suddenly get a random "virus" that isn't going away. I had it all worked out in my head. I was getting headaches in the sun and stores. I forced myself outside and out and about when I felt ok because fuck it if I was going to let this be a symptom I had. I was getting anxious in the shower but, knowing fear of water was a symptom, I forced myself to stay in it. (Turns out my paranoia was right. The water was starting to be hard and my skin was breaking out. It is very annoying. The timing was just horrendous)

All the doctors and nurses kindly told me I was safe since I had started the shots but no one had an answer for me when I asked if they helped if I hadddd it already. They weren't sure. The amount of information they have or are willing to share is astonishingly low.

After 2 hours of phone tag I was finallly able to get an appointment with an Infectious Disease Doctor. She told me that if I did have it there was no real evidence about the vaccine helping, especially since I had only had the first dose at that point. She told me it would be fast though and they couldn't tell until "you're foaming at the mouth." She asked to look in my mouth and when I told her about my drooliness she said to let her know if it got worse. She asked about my hand. I told her. She asked about numbness and I freaked cuz my arm did go numb at one point.

I askwd her about tests. I had read that there were a few--spinal fluid, spit, blood--that were not really reliable. She said since I had the vaccine and immunoglobulin in my system already they would show up and it would be pointless.

My only option was to wait. And chill. And try not to dwell on the fact that there is no answer or cure or way to find out if I should plan my trip to Oregon and die or if I should allow my boyfriend to visit me.

He was firmly in the You Don't Have Rabies camp and came over anyway to feed me soup and hang out. But I refused to kiss him. It made him very sad and probably extremely exasperated.

My boss was so done with me when he asked if I could come in the next day. "Sasha. You cannot have Rabies. Just come to work. You'll be fine." And I realized how crazy I sounded but I still warned all my coworkers.

Anyway, my lowgrade fever continued, my twitchiness stopped, my drooling stopped, my water was hard so I avoided the shower but cleaned my good bits, and once I doubled up my water intake my headaches disappeared. I went into a mini death spiral for a day but decided to force myself into believing I was fine.

When I started getting confused and fainty, I bought Iron supplements. When I started getting angry and anxious, I called my friends and got distracted. When it was time to get another shot, I made sure to update everyone of the weirdness Just In Case.

One nurse took the time to sit me down and listwn. That's really all I needed since no one had answers. I just needed my mind soothed and concerns not dismissed. She couldn't explain the muscle spasm but could definitely see why I was freaking out. She was the one who tested me for peace of mind. She looked into Lyme disease. She found my anemia. She explained that the amount of time that had elapsed made her sure I was going to be ok. She had watched people die in Africa from this and shw said it happens So Fast it is tragic. I would not be able to organize a trip to Oregon to die. I would become incoherent and slip away within days.

That was what I needed. A timeframe. A legit explanation of what it looks like and how it happens. And why I don't fit. This whole time I had been wondering how to tell my friends. Whether I could write all their numbers down in case I couldnt function enough to call them or remember my phone password. I was planning on cleaning my apartment so good so the landlord couldn't bash me when I was bouncing off the walls and hissing at him. I was deciding who I really needed to contact and who I could live without wasting breath on. I was planning a goodbye party. I told all 3 of my lovers ("´hey, I have this thing there is no real test for while you're alive but there is once you die so you can't get tested, and you may have it so got get shot up but no one is sure if that will help much," but I did tell them and it was hilarious to them. My favorite response being "RIP" and "F") And this all had put me in such a dark place that, coupled with a few shitty days at work with my bully of a manager, I also asked for a psych person to visit me after the Rabies shot.

After her talk I was like, oh. Thank godddd. And kinda annoyed at having to wait an extra hour in the ER for a talk that could wait til morning. But I chatted with rhem and asked for referral to a shrink since this had just highlighted how much I need help with my anxiety. Especially since the temporary issue of Rabies was being resolved but my cruel manager was still going to exist now that I was going to survive this beef with nature. It was nice to think of that way "my rabies beef is getting cooked" and the pscyh lady got me help. So that was nice. I just mainly needed to get healthy again so I could

I mean. Almostbarelybutnotreally facing a cruel death was a great way to look at life and reflect on some things. There are messes I am not at fault for, messes I avoid that I shouldn't, people and things I value and the objects that matter to me more than others for ridiculous reasons. I was so grateful to the staff for putting up with me. And for you for reading.

All of this just to say

Circle circle dot dot

Soon I get my last Rabies Shot

[lookatallthelovethatwegot-blog]

So today started off like any other day

T had a lie in and didn’t get me up till around half 8, which was fantastic.  Completed the normal morning faff of getting his uniform on, having his breakfast, going to the bathroom etc.  After this weekends bank holiday I had a whole list of important adult bullshit I intended to crack on with once T was at pre-school. So it’s about 9:30am, we’re all ready to go, we get in the car and set off down the street. Now at the end of the street is like a small cross junction where the cars can come pretty much every direction you can think of. So, I’m about to turn left, and spot what I automatically assume is a plastic bag. I’m about to go past it when I realise it’s not at all a plastic bag, it’s a fucking wee kitten!!  I stopped immediately and put my hazards on, but the poor little mite was dashing around all over the road and it just wasn’t safe for me to stay where I’d stopped with T in the back of the car. Luckily all the other drivers seemed to notice what was going on and waited patiently.  I move the car up onto the pavement and told T to sit tight.  I asked a woman who was walking her dog if she could grab the cat, but said she couldn’t. Then two men walking past attempted but the little dot shot across the road onto my side.  He was so freakin’ cute and tiddy but so so frightened, so I threw my jumper over him and prayed to God he didn’t bolt otherwise I would of had no chance at catching him. Thankfully he stayed still and I was able to pick him up, but as I was wrapping my jumper around him to keep him secure, THE DEMON LITTLE BASTARD SANK HIS BASTARDING VAMPIRE FANGS INTO MY FUCKING THUMB! Oh My Christ, the pain was incredible! He entire wee jaw locked just above my knuckle and he wasn’t letting go for shit. He was latched on for a good 3-5 minutes before I very guiltily managed to pull him off after pinching him.  I quickly re-wrapped him and covered his devil mouth and got in the car. There was blood all over my sodding jumper and I was in literal agony. Then I realise my next problem...what the fuck am I supposed to do with it!?  I couldn’t let it loose in the car with T in the back, and I couldn’t hold it whilst I was driving... I managed to keep a death grip on the little shit whilst I rooted around and eventually decided on tipping out the contents of T’s backpack to shove the bloody thing in. I expected him to thrash but to be fair he sat in the backpack quite nicely.  I did a U-turn and headed back to my grans and got T to tell her we’d gotten her a present! Pretty much ALL of the animals my gran has ever had have been feral / wild.  Almost an hour later and I was still in absolute agony. I had a midwife appointment at 12pm and she suggested I see the doctor as I may need a tetanus shot.  She was right. I did. At 3pm I was back at the doctors. They gave me a shot, as well as a weeks course of antibiotics.  If that wasn’t bad enough, I’m back tomorrow for my whooping cough vaccine. He also told me to take painkillers for the pain.  Honest to God if anyone had every told me before today that they had to deal with all of that bullshit just from being bitten by a kitten I would of laughed in their fucking faces and told them to fuck off being so stupid. But oh my god. The pain. And obviously people thought the same because I received some snarky comments when I updated insta about the day’s events. But whatever, fuck those guys, I would never wish a damn cat bite like that on anyone!! T decided that rescuing the poor kitty was the perfect excuse NOT to go to pre-school. I didn’t even have the energy to argue with him.  I had a nap with T and when I woke up, I felt fucking awful. I had the shits, my thumb is stiff and sore and my arm has seized up where I had my jab. Everything hurts and I just want to sleep now.  So much for getting shit done!