#DONT BE ASHAMED THEYRE SO COOL

[deedis]

its genuinely one of the saddest things when someone is too ashamed of their interests to talk about it post about it admit they like it for fear of being seen as cringe. i mean i jest sometimes about how some of my interests are probably viewed as embarrassing by the common normie but at the end of the day i will always openly say i like the things i do..... if people clown you for liking something then theyre not people you should be keeping around anyway so whats the big deal ⁉️⁉️ being seen as cool ⁉️⁉️ who care.... id rather be lame and happy than cool and uncomfortable

[leatherbookmark]

i got curious and checked how my old babygirls (enstars lads) are doing and. well since the game got its English version and the wiki doesn't have any translations online, i don't know how they're doing, but I looked at their cards and they're so cute. miss them lots (but not enough to play again, Oh No)

[opal-owl-flight]

“Dont worry, Tanara. Ill do the protecting for now.”

On nights like these, where 3 doubts themself over every mistake theyve ever done, 4 holds not a captain, not a legend.

But a squid just like herself.

This takes place in the current saga, but deets below explain a lil further why 3 is so willing to be vulnerable with her…

In the early days of 4 (and 8) joining the platoon, 3 kept up the appearance of being the cool and stoic bc they were their senior (but Im p sure some of that is naturally a part of them).

It works on 8 -- much to 3s relief. Theyre crushing on her HARD and theyre worried that their real self might turn her away. Typical teenage stupidity.

It does NOT work, however, on 4.

4 is silly and a goofball, but gets the job done. She likes to pose every time she hops off a rail. She hoots and hollers with each enemy taken down.

3 telling her to be serious only gets a flippant comment in return.

“|Your attention wanders, Agent Four.|"

Her shooting something behind them, "Says you. Keep to your lane, geezer!"

3 brushes most comments aside. But deep down they wanna have something flippant to say back. Show this newbie her place.

For now though, they continue to train together under Marie or Callie's (or Cuttlefish's) watch. Such close contact makes their bond grow...

To the point where 3 feels like they can share their thoughts with 4 without feeling ashamed (1 and 2 are in a rank higher than them, and Cuttlefish is their captain. They probably come from a culture that values respecting your elders).

4 is an equal peer, basically. A silly one at that. One they feel safe in confiding. They know that 4s more mean sounding comments at this point arent meant to insult them, its how she shows her appreciation/her way of being friends!

[crushedsweets]

Can you draw or talk more about Toby and Eyeless Jack or even the X-Virus?

YESSSS i can. heres a lil doodle to get me started.

OKKKK the little concept in my head has slender's MAIN GOAL being to prevent any paranormal/supernatural stuff coming out to the general public. hence his proxies being made to get rid of tapes, evidence, and kill if Necessary. sometimes slender makes paranormal/supernatural ppl help out his human proxies "as payment for refuge" in his forest. SO that sorta explains how toby and jack know each other and why jack helps at all. he can't rlly go out to the public so he's stuck with these assholes. it's not really supposed to be a 'mansion' trope, moreso random cabins and shelters littered about the forest, but it could work in the mansion au too

Imma ramble abt toby n jacks friendship (in my head) under the cut + a random x virus doodle

as for toby and jack specifically. toby is impulsive, aggressive, can't feel pain, and doesn't know what's good for him, so he's forced to get help from jack a good bit. for a long while there was hella tension between them since, again, jack isn't helping these guys out of the goodness of his heart. he's helping them bc the forest their boss resides in is the only place he's relatively safe. jack has a weird mix of a inferiority and superiority complex, since he envies toby's humanity but also feels like he's 'better' due to toby's own . . violent habits. toby thinks jack is pretty cool from the get-go ('wooow ur grey..') but he gets pissed off with jack's questions and demands of 'DONT RIP UR FUCKING STITCHES' and 'u have a concussion don't fucking scroll on your phone for 5 hours a day'.

toby has no idea if these demands come from actual concern or annoyance, and frankly, neither does jack. regardless, toby's with jack a decent bit. partially since jack makes a lot of people really uncomfortable so it's easy to go hang out with jack when he doesnt wanna deal with anyone else but still wants company. eventually theyre capable of some decent banter and conversations. theyre both mamas boys so thats a very weird touchy topic that they kinda dance around but both feel very deeply and know the other relates. THEY MISS THEIR MOMS SO BADLY.. :( mayhaps one year toby helps drop off flowers to jack's moms house for mothers day. jacks way too ashamed to even get within a 10 mile radius of his mom. that's kinda the moment things really shift between them and they actually become friends.

toby also asks abt university. lyra was at community college until she passed, and toby never considered college as an option, so he gets curious on what he missed out on. he also likes to share stuff abt lyra and their old shenanigans. tim and brian have used his childhood against him multiple times before, and it's not like he's gonna trust ben or jeff with that information. jacks sort of like a void he could talk into. jack feels uneasy talking about his life before the sacrifice, since he misses it so unbelievably bad, but toby accidentally got him to talk about it while treating a burn before.

ok and to top this fucking essay off heres xvirus. i had no idea he existed until this year and someone sent me an ask about his updated design, so he's some scribbles for him :9 his concepts super cool tho so maybe ill get more into him later on

[theorahsart]

Jsyk I have zero tolerance for shame culture/'cringe culture'. Its cruel and most of the time unnecessary. Its ableist. Its the perfect way to shut down creativity, curiosity/open mindedness, and shut down the positives to mental health and society that come with that.

When you participate in this idea of shaming people over whatever line you have decided in your personal comfort zone they have crossed, you're participating in the same culture that:

Bans queer books for kids

Stops a decent sex education, which leads to people harming themselves because they're too ashamed to ask questions/learn

Makes people think its okay to beat up trans people just because they feel disgust

Stops people with depression from expressing those feelings through a healthy (but cringe) outlet such as poetry or writing

I started with the big things it impacts, but theres the smaller things too, like making someone feel ashamed of their poor art skills and never wanting to draw again. Or making someone feel too scared to cosplay, or outwardly enjoy that thing that makes them get up in the morning cos theyre too scared other people will think theyre 'weird'

I see people do these smaller things a lot and I dont think they see how its connected to those bigger things.

I guess I do because Im old lol And grew up in a time where it was very wrong to be queer and neurodivergent. But we went to these 'cringey' spaces that other people made fun of, because they were spaces where you could be as ugly and weird as you liked, and then through those spaces we learned how to get rid of shame. And then discovered we were queer and neurodivergent. And so built this culture you see now where kids are so lucky as to openly apply and explore labels with much more safety.

If they arent hurting you or anyone else, or they aren't disrespecting your boundaries, dont shame people.

If you dont like smth thats totally fair, just block the person and move on.

Dont make a big song n dance where they can see. Dont make them feel ashamed for being weird.

Just dont take part in that, its not cool and I find it especially contradictive when nerds/queer/neurodivergent people go out of their way to make fun of other peoples harmless interests.

[paingoes]

Destroyer - Rupture

(Masterlist)

(Content: starvation, captivity, violence mention, trafficking mention, death mention, “gay” as an insult, fear, minor emeto)

=======================

They’d locked him in his room again. Delta was getting the sickest sense of déjà vu. He was glad the tap was still running and that he’d been stashing food, because the first three days they’d forgotten to feed him. Maybe it was understandable. The Thorn had descended into chaos, presumably. Simon didn’t even come see him, probably in a total tizzy over his ever-dwindling job security. Delta had been locked up alone for a week now. When he’d first been thrown in here, he’d still been splattered with Paris’s blood.

He turned the fan on, letting the cold air wash over him. It helped to calm him down. 

The only access he had to the outside world was with the laptop. Everyone online knew. There had been grainy footage posted of the assassination attempt. Everyone thought it was Nezu. In truth, the Thales bloodlust ran deep — and it ran in different directions. There could have been any number of mercenaries who were carrying out their business against the imperial line. But there was no denying that Paris’s death would certainly be convenient for the general.

Paris’s actual condition was uncertain. He wasn’t dead yet, not officially. But Delta had seen the spot where the arrow pierced him. They were probably just keeping him on ice. He could already see how this would play out. Paris would die. The next person to inherit Δ-107 would be Nezu, who had already made his intentions with Delta very clear. He’d put his brain in a jar, if he was feeling merciful. And even if by some miracle he did not end up in Nezu’s court, the odds still weren’t good. If everyone had really found out about the first “escape attempt”, whoever it was would likely kill or maim him. So that was that.

Delta was sick of Empire. Any lingering loyalty he might’ve had to it would die with Paris. This place was a cesspool collapsing in on itself. He felt disgusted and ashamed to have ever been part of it.

There was no one to betray now, no one to punish him, no one to anger and no one to disappoint. He took a deep breath, sorting through the directory once more. There was nothing to lose. He was dead anyway.

ndhakdvsnnd: EMPIREfile2ndQ.zip (574 MB) ndhakdvsnnd: enjoy guys

His laptop almost exploded.

=============

He had to shut the computer down. In part because it was overheating to the point of burning, but in part because the attention scared him. He forced himself to read for a few hours before opening the machine back up. There were thousands of replies to the thread.

chat is this real

FAKE AND GAY

check 92. that would explain all the lights in the sky by scandia.

empire is cooked

We are not doing this shit again 

lol did the hera trafficking conspiracy just get canonized 

I used to work accounting at Empire. this is the same code they used, sooooo 

Nice knowing you OP

Delta reread that last response carefully. He checked his VPN settings, making sure he was still somewhat protected. It was on. He looked briefly through his post history to see if there was anything there that might hint at his identity. But he’d been careful. Before Lemuria, he’d never even acknowledged anything relating to Empire publicly.

His inbox was full. He went through, deleting every single stranger that had messaged him “real?”

There were some people he did recognize, though. A girl he’d been messaging on the programming board was pinging him again. They’d only had a few conversations before, but they tended to run long. She was always nice to him. He trusted her to be cool about it.

katkittykat: whoaaaahhhhh where did u find this :0

katkittykat: u have been practicing ur leet haxx skills !!!!

katkittykat: u set ur proxy up right  ?? theyre gonna try and swat u

katkittykat: dw its a rite of passage :3

ndhakdvsnnd: yes the vpn works. i dont know what that means.

katkittykat: its just an expression 

katkittykat: u should b careful tho im gonna send u smth

ndhakdvsnnd: okay

katkittykat: :P

He clicked the link she’d sent. It was a guide she had clearly made herself, written in the same cheery pink text. It contained instructions for how to finish encrypting the browser and ways to brick anyone who came looking for him. It was a bit above his level, but she must have believed he was capable of it. Besides, he had nothing better to do. It took him the rest of the night to set up. She was still online when he finished.

ndhakdvsnnd: okay i did it

katkittykat: yay!!! are u planning on uploading more

ndhakdvsnnd: i dont know if i will have time

katkittykat: ur not gonna tell me ur source right  ??

ndhakdvsnnd: no

katkittykat: lololol i didnt think so

katkittykat: b safe pls <3

B safe. It was a little late for that. Delta looked through the Empire portal again. It had only been a few hours, but he was happy to see that the leak hadn’t yet been acknowledged. A little flash of fear ran through his mind. He thought about what it would be like when it did eventually get caught. He reminded himself that he was already doomed – and doomed was a binary state. Though logical, it was not a very comforting line of reasoning. He stood up and calmly walked to the bathroom, dry-heaving into the sink. His body knew exactly how to feel about it. It turned itself inside out in protest.

~~~

Tags: @catnykit @indigoviolet311 @snakebites-and-ink @vivulapom @defire @scoundrelwithboba @whatwhump @pumpkin-spice-whump @deluxewhump

[shreddeddescent]

kinda goin through it but i hope its like obvious this whole shit im doing is like... bruh i am just kinda vibing. if my vibes are too much for you thats fine im genuinely not tryina ask people to look at anything im doing. i keep fucking saying that. the first thing i did was grab the banner off the wiki that says 'this isnt for kids' to really drive that shit home.

like i think ive said this before but in case i havent or in case you dont know: this au started as me basing shit off my own life, read into that what you will. the earliest shit was just... 'aha i will make an au that is so true to my life' okay the kids dad is shredder, shredders an abusive father, splinter is their mom who was also abused by him, theyre all fucked up in their own ways and struggling with it. started literally with the scene of raph hanging out with casey and remembering some shit happening to him. thats the basis of the au. the art came after that, the side blogging came after that yadda yadda yadda

but then as i kept doing that, it got way too real and hard to talk about like i wanted to throw up as i was doing it. the events too close to home, so to speak. so as i was building out the world for them i started doing something weirder and darker and more fucked up as a way of dealing with it. and like as it got darker it also got lighter. as i specified this kind of insane fantasy abuse (fantasy in the sense of it is so out there that its not real) it got more fun to do, and easier to cope with. easier to heal from. the degrees of separation are good. theres levels of real and levels of ridiculous and that helps.

and as i was having fun i wanted to talk about it, despite how much more fucked up it was getting. i still felt bad, but then the level of hype people had for hearing about said fucked up shit helped, it made it go like 'hey. its cool to make something fucked up actually. i think people are feeling the same catharsis reading some of this as i do writing it'. so i was feeling joy from being egged on into talking more about it.

which is cool. cuz its truly not like well written. which isnt me reaching for 'tell me my writings good' cuz its not about that, it was unplanned bullshit i just wrote on my phone one day and then kept going 'and then what?' just to see what would happen. its not about it being good its about it being there to express something. what? i dunno. but absolutely something. or else i would have just stopped.

and its maybe a thing where you could look at it like 'whoa man keep that to yourself' but like. it was a thing of the sharing hitting with others, making me feel less ashamed of it, and getting the vibe that people are cheering for themselves feeling less ashamed. i really think the reason anyone ever hyped me up in the first place is cuz of catharsis. cuz seeing something that hits you in the gut cuz its gross or painful just makes you not know how to react so you just kinda go "HELL YEAH!!!!!!!!!!" and that makes you laugh. and keep going.

like i consider it that kind of 'oh something horrible happened so now im laughing as a response cuz i cant handle it' thing. thats normal. literally such a normal reaction to trauma to laugh about it.

much of my early exploratory shit at first just involved raph and leo making gross coping jokes to laugh off how painful their childhoods were. cuz thats the companionship they have. thats how they got over their shit with each other, thats how they feel better. literally laughing off the dread, letting go of the shame, and feeling joy from having someone else there with you doing the same thing.

it was based on some real feeling i had thinking about how me and my siblings have the same coping mechanism, telling people an anecdote about our childhoods while laughing about it. both me and my brother had a story abt telling our friends something while laughing about it and having them react so weirded out. but then we do it with each other and suddenly someone isnt staring at you like youre insane or like youre fucked up for daring to find the humour in your own experiences.

its fucked up to go around saying 'its too dark of a topic to talk about incest or child abuse or sexual assault' cuz.... how the fuck do you think that makes people who have experienced those things feel? do you just want them to shut down? to feel ashamed for experiences they didnt control? or do you only care about how the people who are in the stages of 'cant talk about it' feel? cuz theyre good little victims cuz theyre quiet. they dont make you uncomfortable. please just admit that to yourself right now. you dont worry about victims, you have an ick and are using that as an excuse. everyone whos been cheering this shit on is someone whos on the scale of having experienced the trauma.

thats how i think a lot of you are, anyone cheering for something, anyone getting excited as things get dark, youre all excited cuz you see yourself somewhere and i fucking get you. cheering for fucked up shit to be like "GOD i wish i could write something like that" thats why youre here and i love that. in the same way i said much of the early stuff was leo and raph laughing off the trauma? thats us, you and me, having a laugh about shit and letting go of the shame we feel.

you dont need to feel ashamed for finding joy in the fucked up shit, people are messy. a lot of people want you to just be traumatized forever, to never get over it cuz thats how you should feel. right? play the good victim. but sometimes playing good victim is exhausting. sometimes you wanna joke around with people who get it.

some people arent there yet. thats fine. its 100% normal to react to dark stuff with disgust as well. i absolutely used to be that guy, who would go 'how DARE you do that' but... that on my part was repression. going 'i cant handle this so i need it to not exist'. but that, for me, was not as helpful. it made me more afraid of even harmless things, i would read into safer things as if they were disgusting. it was bad for me, it only made it worse and worse for me. would get into screaming matches at my friends about it, it was bad.

im not sure when i changed exactly, but i think getting into more fucked up art helped. reading stuff with experiences deemed too taboo in polite company. things that felt real and didnt shy away from the gross details of how fucked up things can make you. and i know im much better off now than i was, i know it helped me process stuff to just go 'oh its not that bad'. think about being scared of getting a shot as a kid, you scream you cry cuz somethings gonna stab you and that FEAR makes it worse. but then you get a little prick and you go 'oh. that was fine actually.' maybe a dramatic metaphor but thats genuinely how i feel about it. that shutting down anything that hinted at these themes that could trigger me would make me worse, but in the end i feel much better engaging with them.

idk. i know im overly dramatic, im overly anxious, kinda full of myself, but basically... im really done feeling ashamed of myself for being a person whos brain was warped by shit i had no control over. im done feeling like a bad person for finding ways of dealing with it that work for me, and im okay. but i worry about other people sometimes, maybe people like me? people who also feel like if they dont stick to what makes a palatable victim they will be ostracized. i just dont want you to feel ashamed of yourself for not coping in the proper ways.

and you dont owe anyone an explanation to why youre like that, and i genuinely dont either despite trying to. maybe youve experienced a trauma or maybe you havent. maybe you feel the catharsis despite not experiencing it, maybe you have an unrelated trauma, or maybe its just a cool story and youre having fun. its not my business, its not anyone's business. just be nice to yourself, be nice to others. you dont know anybody, you dont know why people talk the way they do and dont fucking worry about it.

tbh doing this made me find community with a few people so thats genuinely been... so rewarding.

im much less anxious about this than i was at the start, cuz i went oh. wait. everyones here cuz they like the dark stuff. thats cool! getting hyped up for being a bit fucked up really helped. i like my lil community of like the same 11 people i catch in my notes its fun to have this lil community of freaks who i feel like im maybe making feel shit? idk. its just been more meaningful than trying to be widely acceptable. the same bunch of notes here mean more to me than thousands on something widely acceptable. if that makes any sense.

but yeah. laugh it off, let the shame go. thats been the motto for my au for a while in my head

i guess thats all i wanna get across? its normal. or maybe its not normal, but if youre not normal im not either and we're not alone and its no ones fuckin business if we're having fun.

[spitinsideme]

do you remember what/when was your first exposure to lesbianism (women loving women in case u dont know what that means) (its like gay men but instead of being men theyre women, its pretty fun and cool)

LESBIANISM ???? WOMEN ??? owha ..... might havw to resesrch girls kissing later ...

i think my first exposure to lesbianism (like girls actually kissing) was this story on the game episode, and i clearly remeber that i was playing a story about love and it.had options to date men and women, or the bsecual option, "i dont knkw man, i jst like pizza" whoch mesnt bkth men and women, and i remeber thinkinv WOMEN ?????????? and i wnaed to press it ... i was so tempted to .. i was lime .. 10 ? 11 ? 9 ?? i dont remeber, 9-11 and i had mever in my lofe jesrd of lesbianism before (i did get callrd a lesbian beflre this because i was dsting my friend fri3nd on roblox by pretending to be a guy) but i was lime WOAH ??? 2OMEN KISSING WOMEN ?? but i was also like not going to pick women because to me thqt was new and odd, but i ddint want to pick men because i dodnt like men (shocker !!!) and so i picked the bisexual option (secretly i wantrd the women option but i woukd have felt too ashamed)

AND THE THERE WAS THE SCEBE WHERE THE GIRL CAME IN AND WE (ALSO.A.GIRL) BUMPED INTO HER !!! and she was pretty hot, badass girl qnd i woukd get teally excoted to talk to hrr everytime my character rejected her i was so angry i was begging for my characyer to plese just kiss her already, but the giy wlukd also show up wnd i hated him so much because he was a guy and i didnr want him, so id just skip it as fast as possible until the girl was there

after i had learned of this besutoful thing callrd lesbianism, i wljkd search up lesbian on episode to read more girl on girl stories. then i saw that fifty shades of gret pussy eating scene, and id sesrch up lesbian sex on episode

but lik3 my first .. like actual media of lesbianism woukd be yuri manga ? i remever the first one i watched and read was citrus, so that kind of has a special place in my hesrt even if its kind of weird because it was the firsr lesbian thing i had rver read or seen. i wpukd like go on some sketchy manga websotes and loom theoifh every single yuri manga and read them all like id write every simgke one down in a book ( i still have that book with all the yuri manga titles, its really filled up ! and i r3mebe4 all of them)

basically, my first exposre to lesbian media was when i was lime 9 or 10 from episode lesbian ! but i have always been a lesbian in my actions without even knlwing it ... i was literqlly like watching videos of women dancing on youtibe AND working out when i was 12 for quite a while because i woukd look st thr women and go "god, theyre so pretty, i need to be strong so that womej will love me and want me" and that was normal to me and i didnt think of mys3lf as lesbian

[anachronistic-falsehood]

EPISODE 13 TRIVIA:

- it starts off with charlie going "usually i would do an intro here but instead im just going to scream. HOLY FUCKING SHIT WHAT THE *HELL* WAS THAT MAN" so thats the energy we're dealing with here

- a chorus of "FUCK MAL. FUCK MAL. I HATE HIM. IM GONNA SHOOT HIM WITH A GUN."

- charlie talking through the thought process of why he accepted the offer: "my first thought was to get out of the room and smash the bottle. nat 1 happens. okay switching gears theres no way out. he sees dakota and vyncent saying no and thinks 'okay a hero wouldnt do that.' then he turns back around and sees tide torn apart behind mal and has this horrible realization that we just did a chore for him to make him more powerful. so william thoight about it logically and thought 'i already hate these powers, im gonna take this so that mal doesnt get stronger. if i dont have this, someone worse is going to take it. even if i never use it i cant take the risk to let him have it'"

- when vyncent said "you disgust me william" charlie said it took everything in his power not to respond with "yeah me too" hey what if i cried

- bizly revealed that mal wouldn't have taken the power for himself. it was a test. if william didn't take it he wouldve offered it to vyncent (if vyncent accepted it, he wouldve gotten the samurai class :) )

- condi DID NOT expect this aspect of vyncents backstory to come up so early! "he loves dakota and william theyre his best friends but this is compared to his *family*. his *mom*"

- bizly had charlie compile a list of potential powers he would want to get from the spirit world and thats where the smoke thing came from (another one on this list is blood bending. like from atla. hello??????? another one is "ghost frogs" and he does not remember wtf that means. apparently charlie "just because i put them on the list doesnt necessarily mean i want them, i was just trying to think of thematically creepy things" )

- "im not going to use the smoke powers unless some real character development happens. william is already so ashamed of his own powers and now he just has this immense guilt on top of that. he literally only took it because he couldnt stand the thought of mal using it instead. AND THEN BIZLY TOLD ME HE WASNT GOING TO DO THAT and vyncent would have gotten a cool class so now all ive done is inflict pain and suffering" hi :)

- the dc for the strength check against vyncent getting grabbed by mal at the end was purposefully impossible to pass (it was like. 25 or something. vyncent only has a +2 to strength )

IF CHARLIE HAD SAID "yeah me too" WHEN VYNCENT SAID "you disgust me" I WOULD HAVE LOST IT I THINK. WIWI MY TRAGIC LITTLE GUY. MY DUDE

VYNCENT COULD HAVE GOTTEN A SAMURAI CLASS??? THATS SO COOL OH MAN but wiwi has smoke powers now :3 i hope he uses them more in the next season i wanna see more of wiwi and his powers :3

that strength check purposely being impossible to pass. that's so cool actually it kind of feels like mal is so powerful even the narrative is working for him. fuck mal all my homies hate mal <3

[swag-system]

look at this 🦩 Okok 21 35 40 47 48

🦩holy🦩fucking🦩shit🦩theyre🦩multiplying🦩help🦩me🦩 btw thx for the ask sorry it took me a bit to get to it i was busyy blehh but THANK YEW for so many questions. im playing and having fun

21 Do symptoms of neurodivergencies/mental illness tend to manifest the same way or differently among headmates? it can definitely vary for different headmates!!! we def have some alters that have like. worse depression or worse anxiety or worse addiction(MIKE.) we basically play into the strengths and weaknesses to function. like for example we were abt to freak the fuck out in the car bcs someone was fronting that could NOT drive safely so we dragged José to front bcs he loves driving and he got us home safe

35 Do you tend to have collective or separate interests and hobbies? it sorta depends!! we all generally vibe with the same stuff but different alters will like different stuff more than others. like we will all vibe with total drama and half life and idogs and furbies and plushies and lps but theres some alters that are more "meh. its cool" and some alters that are "i would kill a man for idogs. i will talk about idogs for 6 thousand years. please talk about idogs to me". same goes for hobbies like we have some alters that draw a TON and some alters that might doodle sometimes but are only a bit into it. tl;dr we all like the same stuff but different alters like stuff to different levels :]

40 Do you have a singletsona? our old host herb is both an alter and kind of our singletsona. when were masking we default mask as herb, which is funny considering he is currently not fronting but its just what we default to!! i will say we only rlly mask at work tho, everyone knows were a system and we dont do much to hide it!! even offline!!! our family and sometimes even coworkers are well aware of our systemhood. we dont see it as something to be ashamed of or to hide and weve found treating it like a casual thing and no big deal also helps other people to understand without being alarmed. oftentimes we have to answer lots of questions but hell were literally doing system ask games rn we clearly do not mind answering questions. in the end singletsona and masking is only really used at interviews and situations we need to be careful in. otherwise this is no secret to anyone!!

47 Do you experience system-related amnesia? ohhh yeah we do. lots of it. our communication isnt the worst but we have a long way to go FOR SURE!! were working on it bit by bit every day but we definitely still have lots of moments where things are confusing and theres a lot of lost time and memory gaps

48 Share something weird a headmate has done! countless fucking things but to limit it to one i gotta go with that time we split a mark hoffman introject who was so fucking confused and the first thing he thought to do was grab one of our pocket knives and carve the shittiest spiral ive ever fucking seen and the words "fuck you mandy" on our door. like the door we use every day. the door that we should not be CARVING SHIT INTO. worst alter 0/10 the door still has the carvings and we just kinda have to live with it now

[borderline-culture-is]

(Long vent that may mot be ordered right or make sense bc im tired rn)

I’m so fucking done with this life tbh. Like from the bottom of my heart. I wish i can kill myself but im too scared. Thats that damn problem though, im still forcing myself to suffer because im a coward, i cant even make ip my mind to end it. I cant get therapy, or any type of medication because my parents dont care enough to notice even tho my symptoms are very bad. and even when i become an adult, id probably not be able to. I have no dreams for the future, i have no money, nothing. ill probably have to live with them for way longer. And im still not going to be able to kms ofc, im going to live very long and THATS THE PROBLEM. I cant fucking tell snyone irl about my mental issues because im too ashamed. In fact, im so fucking embarrassed that i fake a personality everyday to make myself as perfect as possible. Everyone thinks im really nice, kind, and patient. When in fact im really a fucking shitty person who just pretends to be cool and shit. All because im too fucking embarrassed to admit im mentally ill. How could anyone like me for who i actually am?? Hell, I cant even admit im autistic, even though its nothing to be ashamed of. I just know my parents will laugh at me and id rather die than hear it from them

Im at my fucking limits everyday, and im tired all the time even if notbing even happened. I have anxiety attacks weekly for no reason at all, and no one knows. I hate being this good at masking.

I cry in my room all the time, and sometimes i have to force myself to let it out because im so numb. I hate it when im breaking down and my parents are in the kitchen laughing and enjoying themsleves like its just another day.

I feel so apathetic and nihlisitic. I have felt lonely my entire life because i cant relate to anyone. I know people only like the person they see on the surface, not the person i am inside

Ive told many people online about my issues, and i dont know if its not helping much or im too numb to feel any good emotions. But either way, ive realised that it might hurt me too. Im just normalising living this way more because im able to vent to people without actually getting any professional help. And this is just one out of the billions of unhealthy coping mechanisms i have. But i have no other choice. I need to cope somehow because i cant get treatment, and if these mechanisms dont work, i need to try harder and make myself more ill. Its not like i can be fixed anymore, so oh fucking well.

yesterday, my parents confronted me abt how i always looked tired, they asked me if i was being bullied at school. That pissed me off. Why?? Have they ever took the time to realise they maybe theyre the ones causing it?? No, i am not being bullied, and the only reason for that is my good masking skills. Do i need to get bullied to be ill enough? Am i still not bad enough for you to care??

-🌟

.

[lanchang]

i see "hualian invented love" so often & every time im like these are the standards you're setting? either unattainably high (not all of us can be ghosties AND sculptors!!) or kind of a weird low bar depending on your point of view

trueeeeeeeeeeee yeah on the surface they have some interactions i really like and i do enjoy elements of the devotion and hc's ride or die nature can be charming when hes not being immature about it but theres not much underneath that it is just fantasy wish fulfillment and in that sense i really do get it like yeah it would be pretty awesome if a hot guy showed up and you liked hanging out with him and he already knew all the dark things about you that you were ashamed of but he loved you anyway and would defend you against anything. but also then you find out youre his entire reason for living and thinks you can do no wrong. and maybe youre like okay cool but also he doesnt really have anything else that he cares about so you never really feel like hes choosing you over anything else it kind of feels more like he has no choice at all..... and if you love him back i feel like eventually that would make you kind of sad like i wouldnt actually want that and in reality its a lot of pressure being someone's only or most significant relationship even if you really love them. also yeah they dont really ever develop or change theres a vague question of what hc's intentions are but xl isnt ever really worried about that and then they get together. its cute! but instead of them really going through anything together i feel like the backstory reveals take the place of any character development they go through because of each other. and yes hc actually does a lot because of xl but thats in the past and xl didnt know about any of it so idk its not very satisfying to me like oh it already happened.... and theres nothing from hc's point of view which could really have helped a lot. i guess it's nice that hc never loses faith and hope in xl but it might have been better if he did and then found it again. thats kind of what happens to xl and its way more interesting and its the heart of the story!!! yeah as a romance theyre fun and cute i do like them and i think they make sense in their context but there's a lot left to be desired

[sunset-bridge]

Hey😎

What is Sergio’s opinion on all the phantom thieves and.. idk what is his favourite food!

hi snowball-maltese ur nooooot gonna believe me but i literally never fucking saw your asks??? LIKE.. theres other asks in my inbox and i remember those but i never saw yours??? WTFF. they spontaneously generated today in between the other old asks im keeping...

tumblr.................. why did you eat these then vomit them back out today : ( sad

HEHEH ANYWAYS hi.. oh my godddd. um. well now im ashamed of answering HJDFJND BUT OK under the cute cut

Sergio favourite food: potato tacos

Sergio opinions on the Phantom thieves:

Mona : He thinks hes cute because he looks like a cute cat and sergio likes cute things and cats. Thinks he is charming. Tries to treat him like any other person despite how adorabubble he is. He starts thinking of him as his big brother naturally later on, he really trusts him and tells him things he doesnt tell anyone else, asks him for advice on his problems and thoughts and yeah really values his opinions.

Ann: He figured she was a Loud girl at first without even talking to her, he doesnt have a neutral opinion on women in general tbh so bad start, but as soon as they became friends and he heard her talk about what happened and how angry and frustrated she was he was like.. woaghhhh. no way.

Sergio has historically never been good at talking/making friends with girls or has had much of an interest in doing so, he mostly avoided them, so idk it seems stupid but he was like... woag. At first Sergio in his mind is like. WELL ANN is cool because SHES NOT LIKE THE OTHER GIRLS nope shes COOL AND REAL unlike the Other GIRLS (sergio turn around) BSDDVJBJFVJ. dont worry he figures it out later.

Anywho he thinks shes awesome and so nice to him and he admires how dedicated she is and how she tries to be upbeat but does worry about her and encourages her to break things if angry. Goes on her shopping trips even if he actually hates shopping because he loves Ann. Is encouraging about the things Ann wants to do but still tells her when theyre a bit silly (like in her social link where she sets impossible things to do hahah). Likes talking about more emotional things with her because he feels embarassed to talk about those things with the Boys (sergio turn around again)

Ryuji: Thought he was a bit strange, annoying at first. Just barging in and making him get involved in weird shit. But like with Ann he starts talking to him and they become buddies because they encourage their silly activities. He feels angry for ryuji and what happened to him; he thinks he should kill everyone in the track team actually/j .

Likes spending time with him, he appreciates that ryuji seems to understand him and likes to have fun with him running and excercising and playing videogames etcc. Bro bonding. They do mischievious activities together.

hes so fun to be around and sergio loves how hes such a kind person despite everything : ). They make stupid jokes together. Ryuji stops sergio from killing people sometimes. See, Sergio is like a Bro Character but hes the leader and also he has poor impulse control and is very angry.

Yusuke: He adores Yusuke he thinks hes so talented and everything he does is literally a masterpiece (hes right)

At first yusuke came off as a bit strange and aloof, but sergio was an instant fan as soon as he saw his work LOL. Yusuke appreciates the support. Sergio really admires and respects yusuke, even when he does “weird” things its like. Well its yusuke so. Yusuke = cool, then thing = cool as well right ??!!! normal

Lets Yusuke hug him even if he doesnt like hugs .

Makoto: Sergio thinks at first shes uptight, too serious, no fun, a snitch. I guess hes not wrong per se but ..

He was sooo mean to her at first when makoto hadnt joined the thieves and was spying them LOL. He did feel very sorry later and begrudgingly apologized along with ann and ryuj.

Nowadays he thinks mako is pretty cool, super smart and super strong. he still thinks she should let loose more, have more fun. He recognizes how hard she had it before joining. She appreciates how cunning she is. He had a playfight with her but sergio fights like a rabid animal and mako actually knows aikido . Im not sure if it continued but their fighting styles and what they look for in a fight are so different it didnt work out too well : ( sad. its ok.

Fuba: Fuba is like Sergios little sis : ). He wasnt sure if they should do something at first when the situation came up but he realized fuba was acting kinda like him before, isolating and being angry and sad etc... felt fucked up to not do something or try to help but he didnt want to be super pushy about it because he knew how he felt and how he didnt appreciate anyone who tried to drag him around even if they had good intentions. But yeah his friends made him realize how they ahd kinda pulled him out of a hole too at the beginning and he figured everyone could use a chance like that..

He really cares for her and tries to spend a lot of time with her, play anything she wants and watch her funny animes etc. He absolutely plays along with every game; he has a lot of fun too hes so silly as well. They bully eachother lovingly hehe. Hes willing to accompany her everywhere but i guess he realizes he wont be there for her forever so tries to gently push her a bit to be more independent.

Sees something about himself in her, although different. He tries to be someone that Younger Sergio would have appreciated in his life.

Haru: Sergio respects her a lot and thinks shes super kind perhaps too much.

He tries acting more serious or polite etc at first with her but haru ofc notices and is like. sergio its ok you can be yourself : ).

He still doesnt really act with her like he does with the others because idk theres this enormous barrier of respect that it seems unprope to act like that with her.. She IS sergios friend he just finds it super hard to be casual with her completely.

They like gardening together and showing eachother their plant children so thats something where they can be ever so slightly more relaxed in. I wonder if haru feels sad that sergio doesnt dare act casual or be himself in front of her like the others : ( He super appreciates whenever haru gifts him something unprompted etc.

Sumi: Sergio doesnt know sumi that well. He just thinks shes a cool , super kind girl whos very talented , polite. He always treated her really nicely. I think he enjoys the tyoe of respect he gets from Sumi even if its embarassing sometimes hahah since he feels she gets a different perspective of him ahah. He starts acting more casual in 3rd sem etc but theres also a barrier of respect here like with haru. Its more like.. welll sumi .. she thinks im cool and responsible i.. must fulfill that...

Goro: Well .. we already know LOL right sunset-bridgers?

He is someone so fucking cool in sergios eyes. He considers him his worthy rival and admires him a lot ; hes just so damn cool, talented, smart , strong.. it kinda feels like he always knows whats he doing and even if he makes a mistake sergio finds it charming.

He used to feel envious and jealous of him for having thigs he didnt and apparently being much more succesful in general. But ofc things happen.. he realizes things werent as simple as they seemed and how goro felt quite similar to him.

He really appreciates how they seem to see things similarly. have a similar world view so they can understand eachother easily and talk soo sososo much. Like.. wow hell yeah this guy gets what im saying yeah finally. guy who can keep up with me in snarky convos. Guy who likes to play the same silly challenges as me. Guy who fights with me and is strong as hell so we are matched. In goro he finds someone who likes him to his core; sees right thru his disguise and is interested in spending time with real Sergio. He takes him seriously. No one takes sergio so seriously or seems to give such weight to his words....

He feels very free with him.

[kotekling]

ok guys heres my sonic species headcanons cause I dont see enough of these sonic - four-toed hedgehog (atelerix albiventris) this is the species he was based off of and also one of the most common hedgehog species. it also has that pink underbelly that sonic has amy - north african hedgehog (atelerix algirus) these guys have wider but flatter faces, plus i like variety in their species knuckles - short beaked echidna (tachyglossus aculeatus) if i’m not mistaken this is his canon species but if not i’m saying it now. it’s always bothered me that knuckles doesn’t have a ‘beak’ like echidnas do. theyre also arguably way fluffier in comparison to hedgehogs. such silly guys shadow - south african hedgehog (atelerix frontalis) these guys have naturally darker pigments which would make sense for shadow, aside from that they look very similar to the four-toed hedgehog rouge - honduran white bat (ectophylla alba) I can only imagine this is the species rouge was based off of. arguably one of the cutest bat species. super super tiny and they also have sharp teeth for the purpose of cutting leaves to form tents. big - maine coon (domestic cat) if im not mistaken Big is based off a maine coon (long, pointed ears and distinct large size) big could be fluffier, though. draw big fluffy. i like fluffy big. espio - panther chameleon (furcifer pardalis) okay okay I know Jackson’s chameleon would make more sense BUT these guys are the species known for varying colors, not to mention have a single ‘horn’ instead of three. these guys are just so cool. vector - siamese crocodile (crocodylus siamensis) vector is most likely based off an american crocodile but i dont care. i love siamese crocodiles. they’re also pretty small compared to other crocodile species which reminds me of vector’s original design. chamy - cryptic bumblebee (bombus cryptarum) GRAHH I’m ashamed to admit as someone who really likes entomology that I haven’t studied much about bees. but charmy is definitely a bumblebee and cryptarum definitely seems like one of the closest matches. plus they’re also super fluffy. OK im sorry autism over.

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

HIII DUDE good afternoon how r u how's the tokyo ghoul rewatch going!! i would. Love 2 hear ur ghostkicks and/or tg thoughts literally at any given time. taking ur joke tags absolutely dead serious because im trying 2 figure out How To Write Them currebtly & we're doin a bit of wrangling in the google doc 😭.

u know i have the brainrot so so so badly because im on episode 3 of tg and all i can think is "i can make a pd au out of this" so im feeling rlly normal abt it basically. im blaming it on unravel.

ANYWAY. ANYWAY. ANYWAY. YEAH. HI. GHOSTKICKS. they are soooooo. tired depressed introvert gets adopted by a loud bubbly extrovert trope. at least on the surface. like how they behave at school in season 1. thinkin abt jimmy going "what is UP with bro behind u" and william just ominously lurking there. and how dakota defends him later !!!!!!!! idk how much of this youve gotten to yet bc i dont remember when it actually comes up in canon bc its such an ingrained part of his character but dakota is soooooo. guard dog coded. this hits especially hard in the "what if pd were villains" oneshot but its sooooo prevalent in canon too.

they both hold each other in the highest respect. william sees dakota as the prime (ha) example of what a hero should be. hes brave hes kind he does his best to protect everyone no matter what. hes all the things that william Isnt. BUT !!!! dakota also looks up to him !!! hes so smart hes good at problem solving hes so curious about everything and asking questions and poking his nose into things that nobody else would even consider. dakota knows hes not smart so he automatically looks to william whenever he needs a plan or someone to tell him what to do when he feels lost. they complement each other and they dont even !!!!! know it !!!!!!!

also regarding williams powers. fuck dude. season 1 he was so fucking scared of himself and ashamed of the things he could do . he hid every time he had to use wisp form !!! but dakota always thought it was so cool and was not QUIET about it. boy went fucking STAR EYES the first time he saw wisp form !!!!!! i will never stop thinking abt the first rolled for season 2 where charlie goes "if dakota hadnt left, he probably wouldve been able to convince william to keep using his powers and not to completely disregard their existence like he has been" and . considering what william is like in season 2... god this wouldve been a COMPLETELY different fucking campaign. theyre so. incredibly soulmates to me. theyre so important to each other theyd do anything for each other. i cant say too much more without accidentally giving you spoilers bc i WILL keep talking and not be able to shut up but GOD fuck ghostkicks enjoyers eat so well in the latter half of s2. moirails. 2 me !!!!!!!

[goremet-chef]

guhh im so bothered rnn (vent/rant)

so... i? idk. ive been out as trans in my house since 2020. my mom doesnt call me dom (sometimes she does if my sibling encourages her to, but she defaults back to my deadname anyways) and ive learned to accept it. i dont think she ever will and its sad for me, the reality that once i start my transition, ill need to just.. leave a lot of my family behind. they think its some rebellious choice like i hate all of them but im more worried about them hating me

my mom says shes supportive but is actively right wing, shes having an inner battle with her ideologies, i know that. i can tell by how she talks about homeless people vs how she talks about us being queer

so. whatever. thats my mom i guess. but for a long time, i wasnt out to my moms husband. i despise him and ive never intentionally started a conversation with him, let alone come out. ive started to not care about what he thinks. i know what he thinks, he thinks gays should die, said it straight to my gay siblings face. okay, cool. doesnt concern me, moms bf is absolutely fucking nothing to me.

to remedy this sort of like... we didnt wanna DEAL with what he might say if he heard both my siblings calling me dom, cuz both of them do, so whenever theyre around they would just refer to my deadname, but i saw it made them cringe, so now everyone calls me 'that one child'

that one, other one, etc etc

no one even calls me my name anymore

it makes me feel so hopeless. ive EXPRESSED it makes me upset but my younger sibling doesnt care (the one most guilty of it), because they dont understand why it upsets me, i guess thats enough reason to keep going

its so dehumanizing to be reduced to actually nothing. i ALREADY have heaps and heaps and HEAPS of identity issues. sometimes it gets so bad i start having crazy ass delusions, sometimes im not even present and its a different part of my mind in my body

its hard enough as is!!! now my family wont call me anything at all

it makes me feel less bad about leaving, but i dont think ill ever leave at this rate

need to start T, change my name, get a job, all in that order. starting T seems impossible at this rate. i.. dont know what to do. i cant keep LIVING like this, because im not living at all

i never leave my house because im too ashamed in how i look, i cant BEAR the thought of anyone else perceiving me as female, i cant fucking do it!!! im so tired. my house is like a prison for me, genuinely.

and my family dont get it, obviously. they think its my choice, im some kind of hermit who doesnt care about being outside because i have internet. they are so fucking wrong. i miss going out, i miss being around people, i miss existing like everyone else, but i just cant do it man. not like this

so it becomes a waiting game, when am i gonna bring up starting it? how do i even move forward once i do? what if she says no? id have to do it on my own but i cant.. i cant even order things for myself without freezing like shutting up will get me out of there, i cant fucking do it

she doesnt even know!! we were in the car together and she was like yknow theres people who cant even make a doctors appointment. what losers.

IM losers, would she have said that if she knew? does she know and decided to say it anyways? i dont know, but its just.. everything seems so hopeless at this point. i want to just give up, accept im not gonna be who i truly am, but man i cant stand being any more miserable

it makes me wanna cry, the only time i get to feel myself how i think i should be is either if i draw something fictitious, or if i spend hours in the mirror making sure i look masculine, my mustache is convincing, etc. AND FOR WHAT? literally for fucking WHAT, because i dont leave the house anyways!!!!! dolled up like i have somewhere to be, like my appearance will get me what i want, when im stuck at home! i got nothing to prove to them, they think what they think

its fucking dreadful. im so scared of my life passing me by, and here i am wasting away in my bedroom for the last 3 years. no progress, nothing. at first, i was scared about even starting T because theres a higher risk of heart disease, but. i dont fucking care if it KILLS me. i dont care!!! if it kills me i dont fucking care im not living the life i want to live anyways. the risk of death is worth it at this point, i mean that so seriously

idk. im just tired, is all. i wish everyone could perceive me the way i dream they would. only time that happens is online, or when im not with my family at all and instead with my friends. but we only hang out like. once in a blue moon

and yknow what? im not even safe then. i remember we were at my friends house for halloween last year (we always meet up). i had my full leatherface costume one, my face was touched up to make it look like the mask. and still. dressed that way, when my friends mom asked me what my name was, i said dom and she was immediately like. "oh, dominique?" no. my name is fucking DOMINIC.

i didnt say anything besides correcting her, but it was such a blow, man. the only time ill be happy is if im closely monitoring every single thing i do, to make sure i dont appear feminine at all. no matter how i look, now matter how deep my voice is. miserable. why would anyone think that id choose this