#DISCLAIMER: there are two particular photos i wanted to include in here that are. my favorites

[tnbc-thoughtsandheadcanons]

Do you have any favorite Disney parks Jack and Sally videos/pictures that are the cutest? :)

EXCELLENT QUESTION!! And a hard one, too, because there's so much good Jack/Sally Disneyland content out there. Guh. I love them all <3

PREPARE FOR SPAM!!!

[kristsune]

So I had this idea a while ago, to do little reviews for all of Tim Meredith’s songs because I feel like there isn’t enough love out there for them. So last week I decided to just Do It. I finished (including the two new songs he just dropped yesterday) I have it here under a readmore, or if you would prefer, you can just read the gdoc here, I only did the songs that were listed on his bandcamp (which you should absolutely go to) even though there are a few extra early ones on his youtube.  These were written in no particular order, basically whichever song I happened to click on next. Anyway, feel free to read and spread the word.

How to even describe Tim Meredith’s music. The way he can adapt to different styles and genres is honestly impressive. It’s probably got something to do with the improv background but it’s amazing how he can just … choose a style and write an incredible song for it. Everytime he drops a new song I am always impressed with what he has managed yet again. 

Disclaimer: I don’t have any musical education except being friends with multiple musicians for many years in which only small amounts of information have managed to seep into my adhd addled brain. So I apologize for the lack of musically correct terminology, this is a work of appreciation, not technical prowess. Also lyrics are generally the last thing I hear, so I may mention them here and there, but they aren’t my main focus for this.

Always Here 

I can’t quite express what it is about this song that I adore, but it absolutely has something to do with the deep rumble of the bass and the way it drives the song forward relentlessly. The effect on the vocals only adds to this. The fact that it goes minor definitely caters to my tastes specifically. The high tones that come in during the bridge have such a Bowie quality that is delightful and a perfect contrast to the rest of the song. (artwork: the mossy greenery adds such a vibe to the song)

Don’t Look to Me

This has been one of my favorites since it aired. The high vocals of the chorus, with the overlapping harmonies are beautifully done and how they are placed over each other makes me think of something being sung in a large hall or church, big and echoey. Additionally the offset of the lyrics “it’s what you chose” (and to a lesser degree “any other way”) makes it feel like you’re being surrounded, like its multiple people telling you this is what you chose, what you wanted. I adore how the vocals trail out with the music at the end. (artwork: the hot pink neon feels so right for the feeling, the tiles adding to the echo)

Sweaty (Near You)

I know this one was controversial at the release, but I honestly could not then, and still cannot understand why. People are honestly sleeping on this song and it makes no sense to me. It’s got a very sensual vibe without gendered lyrics. Sure “baby” is used, but if you don’t think baby could be used for any gender then that’s on you, not the song. The deep base with the sparse instrumentation with a fun noodly solo is just an excellent combination that works so incredibly well. (artwork: the b&w photo with dark maroon text is a perfect combination)

Lucky Boy

When this song premiered my first thought was the entrance song for a villain in a movie. I could see it so clearly in my head. It’s got drive, and movement, and attitude the way it kicks up into high gear into the chorus from the verse with that fuzz guitar. The incredible layers with all the different synth/organ sounds, paints such an image. Nevermind the vocals that fit so perfectly within all that. (artwork: The maneki-neko is such a perfect choice for this)

Numbers and Lights

This is another one I have difficulty describing quite what it is that I love about it. It’s rather lowkey all the way through and I rather enjoy the… almost the stops and starts, the way it gives pause before kicking back in, like the song needs to take a breath before moving on. Again, pretty sure this one turns minor in a way that caters directly to me. Small detail that really delights me is what sounds like the equivalent to crickets under the “Reid asks Reid tells”. (artwork: gotta love biflag color rep. always a plus)

Limb Controller

This song features Amy and was an early favorite of mine. It feels like a song that could and should be played at a disco, just making me want to dance. The synths are perfect and I love how they gain intensity in the bridge before coming back down for the verse. The contrast between Amy’s higher vocals to Tim’s rougher growly ones is a perfect combination. I’ve always loved the “I’ve already let him in, a puppet on his string” moment. (artwork: when videos were still being made, love the scifi vibes)

Never Loved

Another song that is a bit more lowkey, but still comes through with excellent vibes. This one is really all about the syncopation especially with the drums. Which includes the panning back and forth during certain portions, but especially during the time change. I also really love the effects on the vocals. The occasional splashes of a high stringed instrument, and the crash of a forward cymbal really just add to the atmosphere of the song. (arwork: something about being called never loved with what looks like kintsugi just kinda Hits)

Love Your Mind

The repeating pattern throughout this song is just So Good, I love everything about it, and then how other patterns build on top of it? Impeccable. There are so many layers but it's never too much or loses track of itself, never feels over complicated or discordant. I always end up tapping along to the pattern, sometimes difficult to choose which one to follow. This song is shorter, but never fails to make me smile. (artwork: love the chandelier with the many intricate patterns, feels like it matches the song perfectly in that way)

On Your Terms

Oh that bass line. *chef kiss* Absolutely the backbone of the song, helps create the perfect atmosphere for that distorted guitar. Tim always puts a lot into the vocals, but here it feels like there is a extra level of emotion that feels raw. The way the note is held for “on your terms” just kind of kicks me in the chest every time. (artwork: love that the fire is the only color)

Some Thoughts After Consideration

This song truly resonates with me on a molecular level. I have been working in retail for going on 18 years and I just feel this song in the depths of my soul. Something about the wobbly synths and strong beat with the soft vocals are just perfect. The transition to what almost feels like a … big musical number in a theatrical show for the chorus. Like I can just see big spot lights turning on the stage. Perfection. (artwork: can’t go wrong with a squawking seagull, theme on point)

Falling Away

This is another one of my favorites. It’s so soft and gentle, lilting piano blending so perfectly with the vocals, which build up in intensity for the chorus so beautifully. Again, I think this one turns minor key, though I’m not as sure about it as I am with the others. I don’t have a lot of words for this one, but it’s lovely in its simplicity. (artwork: always loved this one for no reason I can really define)

Regret Me Not

I love how this song starts off sounding like something like a medieval march. The most prominent thing about this song is of course those incredible harmonies all throughout. The whole initial build up, and how it switches halfway through is just incredible. There is so much depth in this short song. I don’t always pay attention to lyrics, but when I did look at them I was surprised and delighted by how uplifting they are. (artwork: another older one with a video. I am a sucker for nature anything, and this just being a series of nature shots particularly appealed to me)

Pacesetter

The deep rumbly bass paired with the panning distorted vocals is just an incredible driving force. This song has the kind of beat that will just go on forever. If it were a predator it would be a komodo dragon just relentlessly following behind, never losing sight, always there stalking forward. (artwork: the starting line for a racetrack is an excellent choice)

The Aftermath

This was another early favorite of mine. The mandolin is the star of this song, but it is surrounded by a wonderful arrangement that allows it to be so. The gentle piano with the soft vocals, the shakers and woodblocks all come together beautifully. I always adored the extended pause about ⅔ of the way through. (artwork: this is my favorite video, and I’m sure it took a lot of work to match all the timing so well. The way it ends with the snuffing of the candle 10/10 no notes)

Arcadia

The light bouncy acoustic guitar is so catchy paired with the light and airy vocals, just makes for a lovely song all around. Truly impressive that so much can be expressed with so few instruments. I always find myself nodding my head along to this one. (artwork: makes me think of marshmallow and then want something sweet, but then I remember it’s a rock face and then that makes me want to climb it. Too bad it wasn’t a marshmallow clifface)

Deep Air

This is one of those songs that I love because it’s so out of the usual wheelhouse. It’s chill and wonderfully lowkey, and truly does make you feel like you are just floating around in space. The NASA audio certainly only adds to that vibe. Even with all that I do really love how it still slowly builds towards a big end. (artwork: excellent space vibes, love it)

A Horrid Angry Goose

I remember the goose game stream quite fondly, and this song in response to that was an absolute delight. It’s a fun and funny song, but it also has genuinely fantastic harmonies, and a strong baseline. The build up in each verse into the chorus is just so good. I love how it tells the story of the game, but in such a delightful way. This song is a guaranteed mood boost and I’m so glad for it. (artwork: Goosey perfection)

What It Says About Me

Adore the intro to this, the panning on the string instrument is perfect, and then when the beat drops and everything just drives on. Again, the way the vocals harmonize is impeccable. Truly impressive. Also adore the almost call and response at about halfway through. (artwork: something about the rusted half visible ship feels sad, though I suppose it’s apt for the song)

Unremarkable Sin

The alternating rhythms for this are just so incredibly good, the way it starts and the way it changes when the drums kick in, giving it a bit of swing that is just really great. I really love the gentle vocals for this as well, they fit between the instrumentation so perfectly. (artwork: i love the vague religious vibes, which somehow also translate into the music but in a not actually religious way)

What’s Due

Another one that just kicks ass right out the gate. The rising synths just gives this song such energy. The layered and overlapping synths and rhythms makes it feel like it’d fit right in at a bar or a scene in a movie (bar scene in a movie?) Again the pause about ⅔ the way through adds such drama and it’s absolutely perfect. The processing on the vocals is fantastic and the delivery only adds to the overall attitude of the song. (artwork: bull terriers are one of my favorite puppies and this one is SO cute, bonus points for bi pride colors)

Breaking

The bass line with the panning distorted guitar is such a good combination. That plus the processing on the vocals, creates such a spacious atmosphere that feels melancholy (Though I suppose the lyrics probably add to that feelings). (artwork: love a good seascape, big fan of corals and anemones, and adds to the vibe of having already “fallen”)

An Imagined Sense

Another song that just makes me want to dance, The way this one goes from just a decent beat to kicking into high gear is so good. Again with the excellent doubled vocals/extreme delay just creating such a great balance with the synths. (artwork: the video for this is extremely hypnotizing and feels like you’re being sucked into the song, which feel right)

Walk Away

The really distorted bass paired with the really light piano synth and gentle cymbals is just a really excellent combination. I really love the repetition for the chorus, plus of course the lovely harmonies make for a really lovely chill song. (artwork: Always been a fan of viewing through an opening, but the broken down interior out into the green outdoors is very pleasing.)

Exquisitely Bad

The groove that is set as soon as the song starts is just impeccable. And that groove just doesn’t stop. I love the contrast of that deeper bass with the higher synths that alternate between ears. Something about how the vocals jump up during with the chord progression is delightful. Really just a killer song. (artwork: love the dilapidated house with green font, fit right in with the Halloween premiere)

Horny for Greece

I know this started as a song from stream, but it is genuinely a fantastic song. That funky piano that gives Stevie Wonder Vibes, the niche but perfect rhymes with excellent vocals, the syncopated drums. All just add up to great vibes. (artwork: having the title cut diagonal over the broken section of sculpture is perfection)

The Eventual

Always a sucker for a song with handclaps. Mixed with the woodwind and the harmonica creates such an interesting atmosphere. There is something about the double beat on the drums that I really enjoy. I also love the strong distortion on the vocals, really pulls the room together. (artwork: took me ages to realize the picture was flipped upside down, that being said, it’s still very visually interesting)

Wretched

The slow build with the offset synths that make almost a round, the drums start and stopping before they fade and the beat truly starts is just so good. It creates such tension. I love how the synths create almost waves throughout the song, pulling it along. I also adore the effects on the vocals, just fits so perfectly with the soundscape of the rest of the song. (artwork: it took me a little bit to realize what I had been looking at, but the textures are so good. Fits with the vibes)

More Time

The hard fuzz guitar is such a strong start for this song, paired with the very rock drums is just perfect. Just has excellent classic rock vibes. I really love the depth of emotion felt in the vocals, and the low doubled vocal is a perfect extra layer you sometimes don’t even realize is there adding to it. (artwork: not sure how or why, but the fire seems to just fit perfectly for this)

Can’t Happen Here

I absolutely love the piano intro for this, it really sets the whole mood. I absolutely love the vocals for this song. The almost call and response, the harmonies, just *chef kiss* fantastic. I also really love the fuzz guitar when it kicks in. Ramps the song to a whole other level. (artwork: love the roiling clouds for this one. Yet again, fits the mood perfectly.)

Kennecott

I desperately love the percussion in this song, both the unusual patterns and the sounds used. It creates such a cool landscape for the song. And the interest doesn’t end there. The part where the sound pans quickly from left to right with the rhythm is just so incredibly good. This song is just an experience from start to finish. (artwork: I never quite figured out what this one was, an aerial shot? of the beach? My brain always just made it out to be an abstract painting but I am currently realizing that is incorrect. Still fits the vibe though, feels scattershot like the song.)

On Notice

(sidenote: I have barely listened to this one, because I tend to listen to my youtube playlist, and I found while making this that this song is only on bandcamp, so I haven’t listened to this one nearly as much as most of the others despite it being released about a year ago)

The sheer amount of Radiohead Vibes for this is absolutely incredible, and as someone who absolutely adores Radiohead, I love it. I love how the vocals come in and out, I love the almost droning instruments in the background. Additionally, on the delay on the vocals is fantastic, and I love the pause like ⅔ the way through. Excellent. (artwork: Love the b&w, looks like black marble. Great look.)

Better from Further Away

I love the simple clean (upright?) bass in the opening, with the soft drums. Again, I am a sucker for harmonies and I love them on the chorus. The juxtaposition of the very chill relaxed song, to the somewhat ridiculous (read: amazing) lyrics is very good. (artwork: Love this video, especially the close up zoom on the sheep when they are mentioned.)

Friend of Mine

I love how gentle and soft this whole song is. The piano and soft drums working so well together with the gentle lyrics. I really love it when the piano kind of goes into double time. (artwork: Love a good red sunset. Excellent.)

In The Dark

I love how this starts out with what feels like very 80’s movie synths, and then just shifts into a very chill song. Not sure why but it does give very 80’s Jim Henson vibes. Like I feel this should be in the Dark Crystal or Labyrinth or something. Maybe it’s the lovely harmonies that I can see being sung by small fuzzy puppets. Also I absolutely adore the horns throughout. Perfect 10/10. (artwork: I think 3 puppets should in fact pop out of the three holes to sing those harmonies.)

Now We’ll Never Know

This song is so very pretty. The simple bass and ringing guitar along with the gentle vocals. Yet again, the harmonies on the “oohs” are beautiful and I love them, especially paired with that gently picked guitar. (artwork: love a good dilapidated staircase. The green lettering is a perfect match.)

[tea-with-evan-and-me]

OK here is something that some Evan fans might not want to hear so I'm putting a little disclaimer there.

Someone made a comment under the recent Tiktok by __adja saying that Evan was rude to them when they asked him for a photo. They didn't explain why but that comment has kind of initiated a deep dive of wanting to find more negative fan encounters and......I think that there are like three in total that I could find so.... trigger warning I guess?😂

The other two times were by two different people at the WW Comic Con in Chicago 2014. Starts at "And then it was Sunday" https://www.themovieblog.com/2014/08/inside-look-at-comic-con-chicago/

Oh boy did that Jim guy not like Evan.

That last portion especially was what caught me off guard. It's like we are describing the same guy but have a totally different interpretation of his words and actions. A fan on X also said something similar about him being rude. So I do believe that there must have been SOME truth to it or at least something off with him on that particular day.

What I always wonder with these type of comments is what it actually was that made them say so. Rudeness is subjective and it could be anywhere from simply being blunt, or it could go as far as spitting in someone's face. Like give us context. I also know that every once in a while some people who have met Evan and didn't know him before say that he is awkward and odd or aloof and interpret that as him being rude, even though hard core fans know that's just his anxiety, probably coupled with his quirky personality. So while I think he is flawed like every other person in the world I also think he is also largely misunderstood.

Anyway, regardless of the reasons behind, reading these type of commentaries is always kind of humbling because that's when you realize how much you've put someone on a pedestal. The image that Evan is nice to everyone 24/7 is an image fans have created of him and when that expectation isn't met it's always kind of... weird and painful lol And I'm including myself there. But I guess it helps you see him as a human with all his complexities and flaws instead of just a printed out image. What also makes it painful is that many fans like him for that exact reason. There are a lot of talented actors these days. But what makes you stick with Evan is the fact that he's so humble and kind and that he didn't let fame get to him.

Of course one bad out of 99 positive encounters does not erase all the good, but as it is always with human nature, we like to focus on the negative. At least I would like to rely on that ratio. Because I'm not ready to question my entire obsession with that man over people saying that he's actually a rude prick. So as long as it stays at denying pictures every once in a while, answering in short phrases and making weird noises during Q&As I think i can still handle being his fan 😭

i think this is an interesting topic and perspective. on a personal level, even when it comes to those who i admire.. i don’t put anyone on a pedestal to the point that reading about a negative interaction here and there would be a revelation. i don’t believe evan or any human is a perfect sweetie 100% of the time. to me, that’s a delusional thought.

i consider myself to be a very intentional and kind person, but i have moments where i’m sure others would describe me as otherwise in a particular moment or interaction. to deny that is to deny someone is human. and i’m sure many of those times i would feel like my side of the story justified my reaction lol because that’s just life. unless someone seems to habitually mistreat people (ahem) i don’t concern myself over it.

[inkwellfire]

Inkwell’s Commission Information

An updated commission page now that I’ve gotten my art degree!!

All Prices are in USD. Payments can be made through Pay Pal (my paypal.me link), or Square through my Website InkwellArtist.com and in the Commission Me! tab! Make sure to check with me before paying.

I ask that payments be made before Lineart is drawn, or if you’ve chosen a sketch work, before the art is started. Price ranges subject to complexity of expressions/pose.

If you’re interested in commissioning me, please email me at juneinkwell@gmail.com, or send me a direct message through Tumblr!

Basic Digital Drawing Commission Details:

Sketch (cleaned): 10-20, Lineart- Bust: 30-35, Half Body: 40-50, Full Body: 60-70, Full Color +30 added to Lineart price

Other Coloring Methods (added on lineart price): Base Flats +20, Cel Shade Flats +25, Dynamic Lighting +40

Full Background: 60-100, Lined (automatic), Lineless +5 to “Lineart” base price

Other Background Styles: Lineart: 20-30, Gradient/Simple: 10-15, Flats: 40-50, Pattern: 10-40

More examples, art styles, comic pricing, animation pricing, and further explanations of the process under the cut

Realism: +50 to base price, Chibi & Toon styles: +10, Detailed Linework: +5, Other artstyles can be developed with discussion

Pixel Art: 20+ (increases with number of pixels) Pixel Animation: Base Pixel Art price + 10 per frame (ie: a small, 12 frame animation would cost $140)

Hand-drawn key frame Animations: Base Art Pricing per keyframe + 20 per frame (ie: a 12 frame animation with 3 keyframes (each $40 as individual works) would cost $300)

Comics: Use Base Pricing per panel, + 5-10 (for paneling and dialogue organization) Background Pricing per Setting, not panel

Edits after the relevant stage (ie: if a pose is being changed after drawing lineart, or a color is changed after shading) are an additional 5 to 10 per edit.

Feel free to ask about things such as physical/traditional media, prints, sculpture, maps, logo designs, prop design, photo manipulation and more!

-

How it Works:

After I get your message I’ll respond as soon as possible asking you to describe your commission to the best of your ability- make sure you note if you’d like bust/half/full body lineart, your color preference, and the other important details about what you’d like.

After that I’ll be able to lead you through any additional questions I need in order to get an idea of how complex it is and I’ll be able to do the math to get a preliminary price out there!

After that’s discussed, I’ll be able to provide you with a series of sketches to choose from and work out adjustments if needed! After a sketch is selected and worked with to get a better concept of what you need, I’ll get started on line art! This usually takes me about a day or two for most pieces. Please note you will need to pay for the commission before I get started on the first stage! I will not begin drawing line art until I have received the payment for the artwork.

After that, it’s mostly a matter of sending you my progress and asking if anything needs adjustment. Feel free to add anything you want! If you find this would change the price of the artwork, I will be very open to discuss it further with you. I’m always hoping to make something *you* want, so never feel bad for asking me to change something.

Everything’s first come- first serve. I’ll try to inform you of how many  people are ahead of you and an estimated time-frame of how long it may  take me to get to you and/or complete your project.

Thank you!  Feel free to ask any and all questions that come to mind, and I’ll do my best to answer them! There  are no bad questions!

- Further Notes/Disclaimers

I may raise the prices upon further discussion should the piece be particularly complex or challenging enough to increase estimated time spent on the project. It is very unlikely I will increase prices above the high-end bracket stated here for any particular project. It’s why I included the ranges in the first place. I want to make this  something that is fair to both your budget and my time, energy, and  supplies, I’m very willing to help you figure out how I can make  something you want within your budget! Low-end bracket non-negotiable. Any price increase above the high-end bracket would be due to a general pricing increase overall.

If you would like to pull out of any projects you must do so before completion.  I will provide you with the initial sketch(es) as soon as I complete it. Please inform me then or beforehand if you no longer wish to commission me! For both your own and my sake!

If you wish to pull out of a colored project, and I’ve already completed line art, I ask that you pay for the line art (same with a project with backgrounds or additional characters)

I ask that you only use these commissions for Personal Use unless you talk to me first! If you would like to use my art/designs for Commercial Purposes, you must get my explicit permission. I sign all artwork! If you don’t wish for it to be signed, or would like it to be signed in a particular place/way, please discuss that with me. It is very likely I will post the complete commission to one of tumblr blogs (and/or possibly other social media accounts/website/portfolio). If you would prefer I didn’t, or did so in a particular way, please discuss that with me!

That’s it! If you got though this all, I applaud your determination and appreciate your interest! If you still have questions, again, please ask!

[marmixedwithabitofintellect]

The Story of You

I am SO SORRY!! i know this was long overdue but I hope you love this chapter, I think there is a lot of baggage to unload; if you wish to be added to the Tag List do let me know and come chat to me about the chapter! All the love, Mar

Disclaimer: In no way do I wish to spread hate or negative opinions about any of the characters here depicted, this is just fiction and with the purpose of entertaining you guys

Click on the visuals to enhance your reading experience!

Part 9: Explosion

August 18, 2021: Week Twenty-Four

New York City, New York. 11:45 Am

I had just left the lab after my glucose test and boy I was glad that was over; the drawing of blood wasn’t even that bad, it was the drink that had me hating this whole experience. The lab let me know that they would be sending my results to Betty directly.

I decided to stop at the grocery store on my way back to buy a few things I was missing for this week. As I was rounding the bread aisle I could feel someone was watching me, I turned to look and saw a couple of young girls, probably Harry’s fans.

I decided to ignore them and finish grocery shopping to head home, as I was waiting for the cashier to ring my items I saw the girls on the other cashier, I was looking for my tote to put the groceries in when I heard one of them speak up

“I cannot imagine what Olivia is going through, like they were happy before little miss cheater appeared again”, the blonde one told the other two, then the red head spoke up “Poor Harry, he looked so happy in all the pictures with Olivia, it was clear that he wanted to leave her”

I felt the tears come to my eyes and the cashier rang mi items and smiled at me, “Your total is $23.74”, I brought my card out and inserted it on the pin pad, as I was placing my pin the third girl said “Probably used his money to pay”

That made me stand un straighter, the cashier had a weary look on her eyes, but I decided against causing a scene, I then removed my card from the pin pad and thanked the lovely cashier, grabbed my shopping, and left.

After I arrived home, put away my shopping and made some tea. I checked my work emails and after answering the pending ones I debated whether I should log into Instagram,

Since Harry had posted the photo I had like a million follow requests, which I would just leave there or maybe one day accept or delete.

I decided to look into it for a while but I regreted it the moment I started reading comments and posts; while some of them were sweet and supportive, other were just plain mean and harsh.

There was one account in particular that had posted a timeline of my pregnancy and I was so impressed by their detective skills but the caption and comments made my heart hurt

harryseroda It doesn’t take a village to realize that she did this on purpose, she knows what she wanted and what she lost when she left Harry, she couldn’t even let him be happy could she?

hs1994_ AGREE! Harry and Olivia are so perfect together, I don’t understand why she had to do this

wilde4styles It’s so sad, but I really hope that Harry and Olivia can still be together, they are such a powerful couple

olivia.wilde.fan has she even stopped to think how much the kid will suffer?

And those were some of the nicer mean comments. I closed my Instagram and was now so deep into this hole that I logged into twitter, thankfully just a few fans had figured out my username so I could snoop peacefully, but I should have refrained from it.

Thousands of tweets were found under Harry’s name, again some of them were sweet and had well wishes while others included a thread just like the Instagram post. But there was one tweet that really struck a nerve and I was so close to replying to it but decided against it.

sydney_wright_56 I would definitely not want to be that kid, I mean yeah, my dad is Harry Styles and my stepmom is Olivia Wilde, but my mom is a nobody who left my dad and had the audacity to get pregnant three months after they broke up 1/2

sydney_wright_56 And Harry, being stuck with a kid that he may not even want, that is hard, poor Harry, I hope he is doing okay #staystrongHarry 2/2

Poor Harry? Really? I was so angry at this point that I didn’t even know what to think, why was I the only guilty one here? I came to the realization that when we broke up, I was also pinpointed as the bad guy because perfect little Harry couldn’t do anything wrong.

I was snapped out of my thoughts when I heard a ding from my phone letting me know that I had received a text message, I grabbed it to see who it was and rolled my eyes. Speak of the devil.

From H. Styles (9:45 PM): Hi love, don’t know if you’re asleep but I wanted to know how the study went and at what time is the appointment tomorrow? Can’t wait to see the baby.

I decided not to answer or open the text, I was tired and did not want to talk to him, I got up, prepared myself something to eat and picked up everything up.

As I was getting ready for bed I was tempted to open the text and leave him on read, but I decided to be the bigger person and let things be.

August 19, 2021: Week Twenty-Four

New York City, New York. 8:45 Am

I must have been really tired because as soon as I got into bed I fell asleep, I woke up feeling refreshed and got ready for my appointment, as I was entering the kitchen I heard some knocks on the door and furrowed my brow, I want expecting anyone.

When I looked through the peephole my blood froze, I knew I couldn’t pretend that I wasn’t home, so I took a deep breath before opening the door,

“What are you doing here?”

Harry. New York City, New York. 8:45 Am

I had gotten in yesterday because I wanted to surprise Y/N, I had been missing her and I knew that the glucose test must have been hard for her. Before coming to her house, I stopped at Panera and bought breakfast for us.

When I got there I knocked and hoped she would be home, after my text went unanswered I didn’t think much of it, I knew at what time her appointment was, but I just wanted to talk to her.

When she opened the door my heart started beating so fast, she looked so beautiful, but I immediately notice something was wrong, her posture went straighter and her tone was defensive. Something was not sitting right with me.

“Hey, I missed you, I flew in two days earlier so that I could come with you to the appointment, is that okay?”

My voice was so weary I was worried it would cause a negative reaction, but I saw her sigh and open the door for me.

“Brought some breakfast, is that okay?” she nodded and then walked to the kitchen where she took out some cutlery and plates for the both of us

“Coffee?”, I nodded and she passed me a cup, we then sat to have breakfast together, silence overtook our breakfast time and I didn’t know how to break it, the tension could be felt and it was making me anxious.

“So, how have you been?”, she turned to look at me before speaking, “I’ve been okay, the return from LA wasn’t as rough as I thought”, she let me know that she would go change so we could leave and I took the opportunity to pick up everything from breakfast.

New York City, New York. 9:15 Am

I closed the door of my room and started hyperventilating, he had let me know that he wouldn’t be coming to the ultrasound so I didn’t understand what he was doing here. I sat down on the bed and decided to text Glenne.

To Glenne Azoff (9:16 AM): Quick question… Why is Harry in NY? And more specifically in my apartment?

From Glenne Azoff (9:17 AM): What?

To Glenne Azoff (9:17 AM): Yup, showed up with breakfast in hand, and worst part? I am one millisecond away from going off on him (don’t ask, I’ll tell you later)

From Glenne Azoff (9:18 AM): I`m so sorry babes, lets FaceTime soon okay? Love you

I put the phone down and changed, grabbed my bag and my maternity notes and left my room, I was grabbing my mask when I noticed that Harry had picked up the dishes I left on the kitchen

“Thank you, you didn’t have to”, he smiled “It’s nothing, and I wanted to, shall we go?” we both put on our masks and left; the ride to Betty’s office was tense, neither of us spoke and unfortunately, we ran into some traffic.

We got into the office and Randy lead us to Betty’s office, she took my vitals and we settled on waiting for Betty, I took a deep breath and stretched a little, while settling down again.

Harry noticed and asked “Hey, you okay?”, “Backache, has gotten worse”, “Well if you want I can give you a massage later?”, I sighed “Thank you but that won’t be necessary”

As he was about to speak Betty came in “Well hello mom and dad, I see LA did you good, you look so much better”, I smiled a little “Hi Betty, we are definitely feeling much better”

She washed her hands and while she dried them she asked me to lie down, when I did she started feeling my belly, “Well baby is well positioned, have you started feeling them move?”

“I feel like bubbles on my belly, but I haven’t been able to feel them on the outside”, she hummed “That’s normal, hopefully you’ll be able to feel it soon, any other symptoms, headaches, dizziness?”

“Just a lot of lower backache and some itchiness, but I have been using some cocoa butter and things have gotten better, thinking of maybe starting prenatal yoga, would that be okay?”

“Oh yes honey, that would certainly help and will also help you for when you deliver, also maybe you should think on investing in a pregnancy pillow”

She went to turn off the lights and turn on the machine and Harry got near me, he had been very quiet and I also had no intention on engaging in a conversation with him, he tried to grab my hands but I placed them behind my head, so he turned to squeeze my leg.

Betty turned on the machine and straight away we were able to see our baby, they have gotten so big, Betty then proceeded to take some measurements and to listen to their heartbeat and then turned to Harry and I,

“We could maybe try to get a 3D ultrasound?”, we nodded and she clicked some buttons and a few seconds later we saw our baby’s face, I started tearing up and I heard Harry sniff before saying

“Oh wow, would you look at that”, I nodded without turning to look at him, “Those lips look so kissable”, I could hear the tears in my voice and Betty laughed, she then proceeded to print some copies of the ultrasounds for us and while I cleaned myself up and she updated my notes I saw Harry take a picture of the 3D ultrasound and set it as his lock screen.

“So”, Betty said, “Good news is that your glucose test came back clear, so no prenatal diabetes for you”, I nodded, “Also, let’s talk a little more on changes to expect, hopefully you will soon be able to feel baby kick from the outside, you can continue talking to them and engaging, that is important, I would recommend looking into some Lamaze classes, even if you are planning a homebirth they will help you”

She handed me some pamphlets, “And speaking of, I would love if on our next appointment we can discuss some details to it okay?” we said our goodbyes and left the office.

When we got into the car Harry turned to look at me, “So, do you want to grab lunch?”, “Uhm sure”, from the corner of my eye I saw him waiting for me to say something else but after a couple of seconds he turned to the street and bite his nails.

A couple of minutes later we arrived at one of my favorite Italian restaurants, we got out and ordered the food, they let us know it would be ready in fifteen minutes and to please sit down at one of the tables, we took the one that was the most hidden.

I ordered a glass of water and while I was drinking it Harry received a text and he smiled, it was probably Olivia, as if he had read my mind he turned to me and said “Sent the 3D ultrasound to mum and Gem, they agree with you that their little lips look so kissable and to tell you that they miss you and should talk soon”

I gave him a half smile and turned to look out the window, the weather had been wonderful these past few days and I have missed the city, I was thinking of my to-do’s when Harry pulled my out of my thoughts

“Are you okay?”, I turned to look at him, “Yes, why do you ask?”, “Well I thought you would be happier that I was here and I feel like you don’t even want me to be here”, “It sucks doesn’t it? To not have everyone be happy and go lucky around you”

“What so you mean? Did something happen?” just as I was about to reply I heard my name be called and walked to pick up our order, I grabbed the small bag while Harry grabbed the big one and we went back out to the car, when we got in Harry started driving to my house

When we got there I pulled out all the food we had bought and some drinks while he grabbed the cutlery, we each grabbed what we ordered and ate in silence, but sadly this wasn’t one of the comfortable silences we used to share.

“Are you going to tell me know what you meant back at the restaurant?”, I stayed quiet, before I could reply Harry said “Oh now you decide to stay quiet huh?”

“I’m sorry?!”, he turned to look at me, “I don’t know what is wrong, since I got here you have made it seem like you don’t want me here, and then you made those comments back at the restaurant, I don’t understand, did I do something wrong?”

I stood up and grabbed our plates, but not before saying “Oh Harry, how could you do something wrong huh?”, sarcasm was dripping from my tone, “Y/N I am not playing this game, so let’s have this conversation as grown adults”

I dropped the silverware I was washing and turned to look at him, all the anger and sadness I had inside had finally come out, “You think this is a game?! Huh?! You really think that?!”

My voice had gotten significantly louder and I saw Harry flinch, but he recovered fast and stood up straighter “No, that’s not what I meat -”, “Well that is what you said so”, “Why are you being so hard on me?”

“BECAUSE I AM ANGRY, NO, I AM NOT ANGRY I AM FURIOUS HARRY AND I AM DONE, I AM SO DONE, THE HARRASSMENT, THE GUILT, THE THREATS, I CANNOT DO IT ANYMORE”, I placed my hands over my eyes as I started crying while I sat down with my hands on my face and let out deep sobs and shuddering breaths.

Harry sat down next to me and placed his hand on my shoulder, but I shakes it off, I heard him sigh before speaking, “Please, talk to me, what do you mean?”, I cried for a few more minutes before wiping my tears and blowing my nose.

“Oh poor Harry, he’s stuck having a baby with his ex, oh poor Harry he was so happy with Olivia, oh poor Harry first she broke his heart and then she got pregnant”, I could see from the corner of my eye that he was furrowing his brows, “Have you lost your mind?”

I stood up and started pacing the kitchen before speaking, “You know? People always say, ‘Oh poor Harry’, ‘Oh poor Olivia’ but what about me huh? What about how I feel?”, “Who told you that?”

I turned to look at him and gave a questioning look, “Do you live under a rock or are you selectively daft?”, he scoffed, “I don’t understand the need to insult me”, with that sentence, he made me loos the little patience I had left.

“You think that’s insulting? Try again big guy, and maybe while you do so check what your ‘fans’ are tweeting and posting, because since you posted the ultrasound I have been called a home wrecker, a bitch, a slut and so much more, but hey, you are a Saint, and it seems that people forgot basic biology and that it takes two to make a baby”

He was about to speak but I put up a finger to shut him up and continued, “For the last few months I have been attacked for breaking your heart and supposedly destroying your relationship with Olivia, and now that they know I’m pregnant it’s even worse”

“I didn’t choose this, the only thing I wanted was to heal from the pain I had been feeling for the last few months, and I was stupid enough to think that maybe there was still a little part of you that still loved me and that is why I agreed to have dinner with you”

I sobbed a little more, “I have felt so guilty and stupid because I once again let you have me at your beck and call, and I am so mad I let you, and I am so mad that I haven’t been able to heal, and I am done”

“So you mean to tell me that being with me was the worst thing that could happen to you?”, I turned to look at him, “Harry why the hell are you putting words in my mouth?”, he shrugged “I’m not, that is what you said”

“I didn’t say that! As always you are trying to twist my words and make me feel guilty, just like you always did when you were too afraid to admit you were wrong” I stood up and started walking to my living room and pacing.

“I won’t take it anymore Harry, I am so done and from now on I will put this baby first and me second and everyone else after, and that includes you, Olivia, and everyone else”, I took a deep breath and sat down on the couch, Harry took the other corner and he was twiddling his fingers

“Why didn’t you tell me this before?”, I turned to look at him as he spoke and then turned back to look at the horizon before speaking

“Do you remember what our last two fights were about before we broke up?”, he turned to look at me and said “Not really, I blocked a lot of things”

“Every time after I poured out all of my feelings, all the hurt and the anger I was feeling, I always expected for you to say something that would mean we could work out whatever our issues were, but rather you say anything, acknowledging my feelings or even fighting back, you stayed quiet Harry”

I then turned to look him in the eye and he did the same, “You never acknowledged what I was feeling and saying, so please, explain to me, why would I talk to you about what I was feeling now, when you didn’t even acknowledge my feelings when we were together?”

He looked at me, his eyes were remorseful, he got a little closer and started to open his mouth but just before he could hug me I stood up and hugged myself, before turning to look at the window and said “I think you should leave Harry, and I hope that if you even have an ounce of respect for me as a human being you will do so without putting up a fight”

After a few moments he stood up and started walking to the exit before he left he placed a kiss on my temple, he put his shoes and coat on and left.

Just like he did eight months ago. But this time my heart wasn’t telling to stop him, this time my heart was asking me to let it heal.

August 20, 2021: Week Twenty-Four

New York City, New York. 10:00 AM

(9:00 AM) 5 missed calls from H. Styles

From H. Styles (9:00 AM): Good morning darling, hope you slept well. I have some meetings today but I wanted to see if I could come over after? I really want to talk to you, please.

From H. Styles (12:30 PM): Have you eaten? Or would you like me to bring lunch over?

(5:45 PM) 3 missed calls from H. Styles

From H. Styles (6:35 PM): Please, let me talk to you, I can’t stop thinking about our last conversation.

From H. Styles (11:30 PM): Just let me know that you’re okay

August 21, 2021: Week Twenty-Four

New York City, New York. 10:25 AM

From H. Styles (7:45 AM): Good morning love, how are you and the bean? I have some meetings with Jeff to go over some tour things and I will be done around 5, if it’s okay with you I would like to see you so we can talk, I owe you one massive apology. Please let me know at what time I can come over or not, it’s okay.

To H. Styles (11:30 AM): Dinner at 6, baby wants Five Guys

I sighed and put my phone down. After Harry left I took the time to cry and grieve some more, update my little journal and take care of me, which was very needed. It had been two days since I last spoke to him.

I decided to tidy up before he came, and then took a very hot long shower which was needed, after I was done it was already five thirty so I sat down to read and wait for Harry to get here. Just a few moments later I heard a knock at my door, looked through the peephole and saw Harry.

When I opened the door he was dressed cozily in some gym clothes, he had a bag from five guys, a bouquet of flowers and a pregnancy pillow under his arm, I smiled a little and let him in.

Harry. New York City, New York. 5:45 PM

I had finished a little earlier than expected so I decided to go ahead and hear to her house, not before stopping to pick up the pregnancy pillow I had bought and Jeff had kindly dropped off and to buy our dinner and some flowers for her.

When I got to her house and she opened the door I felt like I could breathe again, she looked a little better than the last time I saw her and she even smiled, she closed the door after letting me in and I immediately offered her the bouquet I had bought.

“Thank you, these are so beautiful”, “I am glad you like them, here let me put this down and help you”, I set the dinner and pregnancy pillow on her table and went to look for a vase from the flowers.

After we placed them in hallway table we were standing facing each other, I took a breath and whispered “Can I hug you?”, she nodded and I opened my arms, when she hugged me back I felt like a piece of me returned and I could finally breathe again.

I gave her a few kisses on the head and she nuzzled my neck, I guess old habits die hard. I wasn’t so sure how long we were like that but a few moments later we pulled apart and went to her kitchen, we ate in silence and she thanked me all throughout dinner for making her craving come true.

After dinner we settled on the living room, we both had a cup of tea and were sipping it slowly, “So, I bought you something that I know you will love”, I handed her the pregnancy pillow and she smiled

“Thank you Harry, you didn’t have to”, “Well it is my child the one causing trouble so this was the least I could do”, I shrugged and took another sip of my tea before setting it down on the coffee table and settled back on the couch.

“I also owe you an apology”, “Harry”, “Please Y/N, let me, you are right I always run and it is time for me to be a grown adult”, I turned to look at her.

“I am sorry, so sorry, I am sorry I made you feel like your feelings were not valid, that you aren’t heard or that your opinion doesn’t matter, because it does, it matters so so much”, I reached to squeeze her hand when I saw her get teary.

“I am sorry, again for the way I reacted after you were hospitalized, I know I have already apologized, but I feel the need to do so again, because I was a proper ass”, we both laughed a little.

“I am sorry if I have ever seemed closed off from you, because even if we’re not together I care for you, so deeply that I will always be there when you need me Y/N” I reached to wipe the tear falling from her eye.

“I forgive you H, everything is okay, and I promise to talk to you when I need to, and to never hold anything back again”, I then reached to hug her and kissed her temple multiple times, I wanted to make sure she knew how much I cared for her, how much I love her.

We settled to watch a movie, a hand of mine on her belly hoping that the baby would make itself known but we failed. When the clock showed it was already eleven I decided it was time to go, we started walking to the door and just before i left I turned to her and she gave me a smile.

“I just wanted to say something, and please keep it always present in your mind”, she nodded asking me to continue, “You and this baby will always be first for me, you are a package deal, and just as you said, I will do everything in my will power to make sure that you both are always safe and happy, no matter what”

August 23, 2021: Week Twenty-Four

New York City, New York. 2:30 AM

I was woken up by my phone ringing, when I turned to look at the clock and saw it was 2:30 AM my heart started beating so fast, I grabbed my phone and saw it was Harry and I answered quickly.

I could hear a sniffle and my heart plummeted, “H? What's wrong? Please talk to me”

“He's gone”, it took me a few seconds to process what he said, but when I did my heart broke: he, his hero, his best friend, his motivation, his companion. His grandfather. I started tearing up, “Oh Harry, I'm so sorry”

“I don't wanna be alone, I need you, please”, I chewed on my lips, he was vulnerable but I don't want to overstep my boundaries

“Want me to call Olivia?”, “No, I don't want her, I want you, I need you, please baby” I sighed, “Wanna come over or do you want me to go to yours?”

“Could you open your door for me?”, he was here? I untangled myself from the sheets and ran to the door, after hanging the phone and opening the door and turned just in time to catch him in my arms.

I closed the door and lead him to my room, where we settled in my bed and he sobbed, “Hey, it’s okay, let everything go”, I started running my hands through his hair hoping to calm him down and he squeezed me tighter, as if he was afraid I would disappear.

After a few moments I started to feel him calm down a little which in turn made me relax, with his asthma I didn’t want him to have an attack, his phone started ringing and he grabbed it to see who was calling, I saw Olivia’s name flash but he declined the call.

He was still hugging me when I asked him if he wanted some tea, he nodded and as I went to the kitchen to brew some, he said he would freshen up in the bathroom. I came back holding two mugs and i could see him holding something. It was a pendant given to him by his grandfather on his last birthday.

When he saw me, he dropped the pendant he was holding and grabbed the cup I was offering, and took a few sips to calm down, I sat in front of him and while drinking my tea I squeezed his knee as a way of saying I was there for him.

“Mum called me a few moments after it happened, said he passed in his sleep”, “He didn’t’ suffer H, he was so brave that he deserved to leave this Earth without pain”

“I wanted to travel for the funeral, but realistically speaking it won’t be easy, so I will be joining by Zoom, Mum wants to know if you would like to be there”, “Of course I would, he was an honorable man, I would love to be a part of it”

After he finished his tea I told him to get into bed and he looked at me hesitantly, but I assured him it would be fine, I plugged in his phone to charge and while he went to the bathroom I placed a flower delivery service for Anne, Gemma and another one for the funeral.

He came back and we settled in bed and I continued running my hands through his hair, I thought he had drifted off to sleep, but then he whispered, “I told him”, “Huh?” I then turned to look at him to find him already staring at me

“I told him I was having a baby, he asked me who the mother was and when I said your name he smiled so big, asked a lot of questions about how you were doing, how was your pregnancy going, even showed him the ultrasound and videos I had”

He smiled while reminiscing, “He was so excited to add another great grand baby along with Ella’s baby, mum said he talked nonstop about it”, I smiled and squeezed his hand, “I am so happy that you have these memories to remember him by H”

His green eyes found mines and he said “Thank you for being here for me, it truly means a lot Y/N”, “No need to thank me H, nobody deserves to grieve alone, and your family is really special to me, so I feel really sad too”

August 23, 2021: Week Twenty-Four

New York City, New York. 7:30 AM

When I opened my eyes I felt a pair of arms hugging me, as I woke up a little more I discovered that Harry was spooning me, I turned to look at the time and deiced to go ahead and start on breakfast, Harry had mentioned that the funeral would be at 10 Am our time and I still needed to get ready.

Getting out of Harry’s arms was harder than I thought it would be, but when I accomplished it I went into the kitchen and started cooking breakfast, after making a pit stop to the bathroom since this baby was using my bladder as a pillow.

My phone started ringing as I was finishing mixing the eggs and I saw it was Jeff so I answered, “Hey you, good morning”, “Hello love, how is he doing?”, I suppose Harry told him he would be here.

“How do you know he’s here?”, “Honest? It was a hunch”, we both laughed a little, “He’s still sleeping, probably will have to wake him up soon, he let me know the service would be at ten”

“Do you know if he plans to come to his apartment?”, “Actually, I was about to call you to see if you could help me”, “Fire away”

We spoke for a few more moments before he hung up and I finished preparing breakfast and just as I was about to go get Harry he came out, I gave him a small smile and offered a cup of coffee which he took and thanked me before taking a sip.

“So, Jeff called me, wanted to check in”, he nodded, “Come on let’s eat”, we sat down and started eating the breakfast I had prepared, honestly I was so thankful that my appetite had returned after the last few weeks.

“How about you shower while I do the dishes huh? Then we’ll go to your house for the service okay?”, he nodded and I turned to the sink, before I could turn the water on he reached for me and hugged me, that took me by surprise but I hugged him back and I heard him whisper thank you.

At about quarter to nine we left my house and made our way back to his apartment, Jeff texted me that he was already there and everything was ready, I knew it would be hard for Harry to be far away from his family so in wanted to make something special for him.

Harry. New York City, New York. 10:00 AM

When the elevator opened I felt my heart beat faster and my eyes water, my living room table was flooded with pictures from my gramps, there were some with me, some with mom, Gem and all our family, there were also some flowers all around.

Jeff came out of the kitchen and gave me a hug and his condolences, I told them I would go change and when I went into my room I found a box in my bed, I opened it and started tearing up, it was a framed picture of my gramp and me, a little note fell and I picked it up to read it

Maybe you can show bean this picture while telling them all the great stories about your gramps, with love, -Y/N

I looked at the picture again and smiled a little before placing it on my nightstand and changing, while I was walking out of my bedroom I heard Jeff speaking to someone which was weird, when I got to the living room I stopped in my tracks.

“Liv?”, “What are you doing here?”, they both turned and Olivia ran to hug me while Jeff stood there with an unreadable expression, “Baby I was so worried, you weren’t answering your phone and I knew I had to be here with you”

She hugged me and I hugged her back, I started looking around for Y/N, Jeff noticed it and he pointed to the bathroom, when the door opened Olivia pulled back and she stood straighter, Y/N looked surprised and I wanted to disappear.

Y/N was the first one to break the silence “Hey Olivia, how are you?”, “Y/N, nice to see you”, she nodded, the tension was high and Jeff diced to break it, “Hey Y/N, mind helping me with something quickly?”, she nodded and they walked to the living room.

Olivia turned to look at me and asked “Is that why you weren’t answering the phone?”, “What do you mean?”, she scoffed, “Don’t play dumb Harry, what is she doing here?”, I rolled my eyes, not again, “My mom invited her, she was a big part of my grandpa’s life, are you really going to cause a scene today?”

She sighed, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to, how are you?”, “Sad, but I feel in peace that he isn’t suffering anymore”, she gave me another hug. We walked to the living room and I went to set up the Zoom call.

When my mum answered I could see that she had been crying, which in turn made me tear up, “Hi mum”, “Hi baby, you look handsome”, “Thanks mum, you look beautiful too”, Gemma then walked into the picture and we said hello.

“Hey H, is Y/N there? We want to thank her for the flowers”, my heart started beating faster, she sent them flowers?, I called her and then went into the kitchen, Olivia went to my room to leave her bags and Jeff was already there.

He nodded to a beautiful arrangement on the kitchen island, “She sent you those, sent the same ones to your family”, I nodded and went to smell them, how can she be so sweet after everything we have gone through? well that’s Y/N for you guys.

She then came looking for us because the service was starting, al throughout the only thing I wanted was for her to hug me, but I had Olivia here, however her hugs weren’t the ones I needed. After the service we chatted for my family for a little bit, I found it odd that they didn’t ask about the pregnancy but let it go, she left with Jeff a little after nine and for some strange reason I felt lonelier than I had before.

August 26, 2021: Week Twenty-Five

New York City, New York. 7.30 PM

Harry was leaving back for LA tomorrow so he asked if we could have dinner before he left and I said yes, I was currently waiting for him to pick me up so we could get to our reservations, Olivia had left yesterday and Jeff said he would be busy picking up last minute tour things.

When he knocked my door I grabbed my bag and mask and went to open it, he looked so good in those yellow pants, “Hello darling, you ready to go?”, “Hi, yes I am, let me just lock the door”

When we arrived at the restaurant I was so happy he had chosen Chinese food, I was craving some dumplings and this restaurant had the best ones, after seating down and ordering our drinks we started a casual conversation about anything and everything.

“So, you ready for tour?”, he smiled a little, “Very excited, can’t believe it is finally here, speaking of, I wanted to ask you something”, “Okay…”, “Would you please come to the first concert? It would mean a lot to me and the band of course to see you there, and I want you to meet Pauli, Niji and Elin”, I was shocked, I know o would have eventually attended a concert but thought it would be the New York ones.

I stayed silent for a few moments pondering my answer, I did miss Sarah and Mitch and Nyoh, and I definitely wanted to see little man before he grew up too much, but I also remembered that Olivia would be there and I don’t wanna make her uncomfortable.

As if Harry could sense my apprehension he said “Would Glenne promising to bring you some chocolate chip cookies be enough of a bribe?”, he smiled coyly and I laughed, after we calmed down, I sighed before speaking, “On one condition”, Which is?”, “I am flying commercial”, he thought for a moment

“Let it be first class and we have a deal”

Tag list @tinydestinybear @harry-is-my-sunflower @onlyamylee @adorejaelle @dirtytissuebox @msolbesg @clarawolf22 @harrysficreblog @infinitely-yellow @cherrylovesblog @wherethehellhaveyoubeenharry @harryspirate @kaitieskidmore1

[lulu-zodiac]

THE BODY LANGUAGE OF COCKLES: JENSEN (pt 1)

(disclaimer: I’m no body language expert. the extent of my knowledge is: a class I took on it a few years back at uni, a brief course on it as part of my job training, and various bits of reading I’ve done over the years)

Okay, so I just HAD to make this post, because the body language between Jensen and Misha is so loud. It’s 100% what sold me on cockles in the first place. It’s literally TEXTBOOK. Whenever they’re around each other, they just tick all the boxes for the body language of attraction.

I’ve split this post into a few parts (two for Jensen and two for Misha), because a) although a lot of the body language of attraction is universal, the specific tendencies of it are also dependent on each individual’s nature, and b) THERE IS SO MUCH CONTENT FOR THESE TWO THERE LEGIT WASN’T ENOUGH ROOM TO DO IT IN ONE POST. That’s how much of a mess they are. 

So, here are some classic body language signs that suggest someone is attracted to you (and how Jensen displays them when he’s around Misha):

1.       They smile a lot around you – really smile. Not your standard, polite smile – this is open, uninhibited, fully engaged. Even though such a full smile can often show a lot of their mouth, it’s really in the eyes, often making the skin around them crinkle. There’s nothing forced about it. It’s full of ease, warmth and sincerity.

Okay, but this is just Jensen every time he’s around Misha? Even when he’s been struggling, as soon as Misha appears, Jensen is suddenly full of smiles exactly like this. Legitimately every time they interact Jensen lights up with these smiles that are so open and intimate and completely involuntary. Misha just consistently elicits this automatic response in Jensen, which is pretty damn telling from a body language perspective.

I could literally fill an entire post with examples of this, but here are a few particularly lovely ones:

2. They laugh a lot around you, and generally laugh harder at your jokes than other people do. This kind of laugher is completely free and unselfconscious. Often, they’ll use their whole body in it, e.g. throwing their head back. This in particular can suggest attraction, as the throat is a vulnerable area of the body, all about communication and intimacy. Baring it like this shows a fundamental trust in you, and a desire to open themselves up to you, share their deeper selves with you.

RIGHT. The infamous unicorn laugh?? Literally any interaction with Misha ever has Jensen doing this. It’s one of the defining characteristics of the way he relates with Misha. I mean, seriously. Watch three minutes into any of their panels and I guarantee you’ll already have more examples than you can count.

(unicorn laugh appreciation series) 

3. When they’re around you, they’ll lean in towards you and give you their undivided attention, e.g. holding eye contact. Leaning in and turning their body towards you shows a fundamental interest in you, as well as a desire to be closer to you. They’ll listen with intent focus whenever you’re speaking, often losing track of what’s going on around them and paying more attention to you than others.

Isn’t this is just Jensen in literally every panel he’s ever done with Misha? He just gets lost in whatever Misha’s talking about, whatever story he’s telling. Jensen spends so much time looking at Misha with this rapt attention and focus, leaning into his space with this kind of quiet, deep warmth in his eyes.  

This entire panel was a particular mess:

But there are so honestly many photos of Jensen looking at Misha like this that it kind of kills me a little??

4. They look at your mouth. It’s especially telling if they meet your gaze, glance down to your mouth, and then back up to hold your gaze again. This is one of the clearest signs of attraction, suggesting they’re thinking (often subconsciously) about kissing you. They might also lick their lips while looking at you; when looking at someone we desire, our mouth produces more saliva, causing us to lick our lips. Lip-licking is also a way of drawing your attention to their mouth. 

God, there are just so many examples of this it’s ridiculous?? I mean, it happens so involuntarily that it became a big part of the way Dean and Cas relate with each other on screen. It literally contributed to the creation of destiel. That’s how much Jensen does this around Misha.  

I could make an entire post on this (maybe I will), but for now, have these:

5. Their body language mirrors yours. This is something we all do with people we like and are emotionally tuned into, and is another classic indicator of attraction. It’s basically a non-verbal way of communicating how much you’re invested in someone. 

Again, this is something we see SO MUCH OF when Jensen’s around Misha. Jesus Christ. I could go on about it forever, but honestly this post says it all. Or you know, literally any panel they’ve done together. 

 6.   They initiate unnecessary touches, especially after jokes or humor. We instinctively want to include the people important to us in our emotional responses. Sometimes they might reach into your space, other times it might be a touch on the arm, a lingering handshake or hug, basically any excuse to be physically close to you. It’s not psychologically easy to put yourself into someone’s space – it shows the level of trust they have in you, and that their desire to be near you outweighs their fear of rejection. 

Oh god where to start with this one. The handshake? The hugs? The lingering touches? The ass slaps? The entire thigh debacle? The complete mess that is this moment? All the completely unnecessary touches that happen at literally every panel? Jensen is seemingly incapable of being within two feet of Misha without putting his hands all over him at every given opportunity.

(See also this excellent post about Jensen and male intimacy)

Stay tuned for Part 2 coming very soon!

[jikookuntold]

Jungkook and His Cover Songs: Is “10000 Hours” about Jimin?

Disclaimer: The following post includes theories, lyric and numeric analysis, plus my personal opinions, so please don’t take anything seriously. I’m too lazy to upload photos and videos for the moments I mentioned here, but I’m sure you know about them all. Any Jikooker must know. And I’m not Korean or a Korean culture expert, I just know as much as any Stan Twitter ARMY knows about their culture.

Anyone?

Maybe one of the biggest Jikook moments of 2021 so far, is where Jimin jumped into Jungkook’s hug, in Lee Hyun’s Vlog. But the other moment on that Vlog was even more significant; Jungkook was singing “Anyone” from Justin Bieber’s new album, and Jimin was harmonizing with him while holding on his shirt. I don’t want to mention their interview moment singing “Peaches” because I know this song is super popular in South Korea right now and somehow it doesn’t count as a moment. But it’s safe to say that Jikook has something special with his songs, and JK in particular always was invested in him. 

JK & JB

The reason behind Jungkook’s devotion to Justin Bieber was always a big question for me, and I got my answer not long time ago. Jungkook’s playlist for Melon Radio Station included a song from JB’s new album named “Lonely”. This is one of the most personal songs any artist can ever make, and JK recommended it to his audience. Here are the lyrics of “Lonely” by Justin Bieber:

Everybody knows my name now

But somethin' 'bout it still feels strange

Like lookin' in a mirror, tryna steady yourself

And seein' somebody else

And everything is not the same now

It feels like all our lives have changed

Maybe when I'm older, it'll all calm down

But it's killin' me now

What if you had it all, but nobody to call?

Maybe then you'd know me

'Cause I've had everything

But no one's listening

And that's just lonely

I'm so lonely, lonely

Everybody knows my past now

Like my house was always made of glass

And maybe that's the price you pay

For the money and fame at an early age

And everybody saw me sick

And it felt like no one gave

They criticized the things I did as an idiot kid

What if you had it all, but nobody to call?

Maybe then you'd know me

'Cause I've had everything

But no one's listening

And that's just lonely

These lyrics made me think of one specific thing, the thing that JK and JB have in common: They started their careers at a very young age, and their lives have been under the scrutiny of so many people. These people judged and criticized them but never tried to understand them. The lyrics are straightforward and leave no place for interpretation. By recommending this song, JK showed that he had (and probably still has) the same experiences in his life, and I think the reason he recommends or covers JB’s songs more than any other artist is that he has many things in common with him, and feels connected to his songs. 

This can lead us to another theory: By covering a Justin Bieber song, Jungkook shares something about himself with us, something that he can’t express directly.

Jungkook is interested in JB’s songs, but he is not the only one. As I said earlier in this post, Jimin shares the same taste with Jungkook, and my receipt is not just that “Anyone” or “Peaches” harmonizing moments, but also Jimin’s Spotify playlists. Since 2017 (or earlier, I’m not sure about this part) he has added some JB songs to his official playlist, and even his current playlist (July 2021) has two JB songs. And also let’s not forget the fact that Jikook as a subunit started in 2014 with a JB cover. Yes, I’m talking about “Mistletoe” and as you may know, Jimin translated the lyrics of this song to Korean. 

10000 Hours

Nearly 700 words and I haven’t started yet! The subject of this post was supposed to be the connections between “10000 hours” cover and Jikook but this prelude was necessary to clarify all the aspects of the topic and we find out how JB is special for JK and Jimin and how they (especially Jungkook) feel connected to him. Anyways, back to 10000 hours:

Dan + Shay and Justin Bieber released this Grammy winner song in October 2019. Here are the lyrics: 

Do you love the rain, does it make you dance

When you're drunk with your friends at a party

What's your favorite song, does it make you smile

Do you think of me?

When you close your eyes, tell me, what are you dreamin'?

Everything, I wanna know it all

I'd spend ten thousand hours and ten thousand more

Oh, if that's what it takes to learn that sweet heart of yours

And I might never get there, but I'm gonna try

If it's ten thousand hours or the rest of my life

I'm gonna love you

Do you miss the road that you grew up on?

Did you get your middle name from your grandma?

When you think about your forever now, do you think of me?

When you close your eyes, tell me, what are you dreamin'?

Everything, I wanna know it all

I'd spend ten thousand hours and ten thousand more

Oh, if that's what it takes to learn that sweet heart of yours

And I might never get there, but I'm gonna try

If it's ten thousand hours or the rest of my life

I'm gonna love you

Ooh, want the good and the bad and everything in between

Ooh, gotta cure my curiosity

Ooh, yeah

I'd spend ten thousand hours and ten thousand more

Oh, if that's what it takes to learn that

Sweet heart of yours

And I might never get there, but I'm gonna try

If it's ten thousand hours or the rest of my life

I'm gonna love you

And I'm gonna love you

As you can see, the lyrics are 100% romantic, and the singers including JB, have dedicated this song to their lovers. Also, their girlfriends/wives have a cameo in the MV, which leaves no place for speculation for the context of the song: Even though the uncertainties always exist and no one knows about the future, our love is strong and will stay strong regardless of time. 

The Cover and the Theories

Nearly one year later, on July 28th, 2020, Jungkook surprised ARMYs with a short video he tweeted at 11:56 AM. That video was a 49 seconds cover of 10000 hours. A few minutes later, he deleted the tweet (apparently with the advertisement excuses, because it was tweeted from an iPhone and they have a contract with Samsung). Later that night, Jungkook released the full version on Sound Cloud and tweeted the link at 11:47 PM. 

Jikookers discovered numerous theories that day about the times of both tweets; if you add the digits of the time, the result is “13” for both tweets 1+1+4+7=13, 1+1+5+6=13, and as you already know “13” is Jikook’s magic number. Also, the first video he tweeted was 49 seconds and 4+9=13. But in my opinion, this theory is not strong. I know that numerology is very popular in Korean culture but still, all of this can be coincidences, but the other things I’m going to bring up are most likely not. 

28th July 2020 was the 7th anniversary of the first Jikook selca posted after debut. This also might be a coincidence and to be honest, it cannot be a strong link to make a connection with Jikook, but worths sharing. 

The next thing that many Jikookers also pointed out, was related to the title of the song. The lyrics say “10000 hours and 10000 more” and 20000 hours after the 28th of July is 8th November 2022. As you may know. Jikookers believe November 8th is a significant date for Jikook. I believe this can be a coincidence either, and it’s very unlikely of Jungkook to do such calculations (Koreans are interested in numbers when it comes to days and dates, but counting hours is not usual in any culture. Other than that, I’m still doubtful about the origins of the November 8th theory because we have nothing other than two tweets and G.C.F Tokyo release date and their hotel room in Tokyo which still can be coincidental). But I don’t deny these theories because even as a coincidence, it’s still very interesting. 

And the next theory is connected to the “Red Moon”. On 27th July 2018, a total lunar eclipse happened all over the world, which became known as the red moon. At that time, BTS were in Malta, and on the same night, Jikook were watching the red moon on a boat. They shared plenty of photos and videos of that moment and I’m sure as a Jikooker you have seen them all and you know that night had a very romantic mood (BigHit words, not mine) for Jikook. So, a second anniversary for that night and the day after that night can be a significant date to release a very romantic cover. Is this a coincidence too? I think we had many of them already.

And last but not least is something connected to Korean culture. You probably know that 1000 days anniversaries are very important for Koreans and they celebrate them along with real anniversaries of the important dates in their lives. And guess what? 27th July 2020 is 1000 days after 31 October 2017. This day is the day Jikook’s travel to Tokyo ended and they posted their couply mirror selca on Twitter with flower bouquet emoji. Despite the one-day difference (the same case for the red moon anniversary), this is not a minor event or small coincidence. I believe Jungkook posted “10000 hour” cover for this reason and based on this, the other theories I mentioned earlier can be true either. 

The lyrics hit different if you read them again, after knowing this fact. Right? I don’t want to make this post much longer but before wrapping up, I want to talk about the lyrics of “Anyone” by JB (the song Jikook were harmonizing in Lee Hyun’s Vlog):

Dance with me under the diamonds

See me like breath in the cold

Sleep with me here in the silence

Come kiss me, silver and gold

You say that I won't lose you

But you can't predict the future

So, just hold on like you will never let go

Yeah, if you ever move on without me

I need to make sure you know that

You are the only one I'll ever love

(I gotta tell ya, gotta tell ya)

Yeah, you, if it's not you, it's not anyone

(I gotta tell ya, gotta tell ya)

Looking back on my life

You're the only good I've ever done (ever done)

Yeah, you, if it's not you, it's not anyone (anyone)

Not anyone

Forever's not enough time to (oh)

Love you the way that I want (love you the way that I want)

'Cause every morning I find you (oh)

I fear the day that I don't

You say that I won't lose you

But you can't predict the future

'Cause certain things are out of our control

Yeah, if you ever move on without me

I need to make sure you know that

You are the only one I'll ever love

Only one (I gotta tell ya, gotta tell ya)

Yeah, you, if it's not you it's not anyone

(I gotta tell ya, gotta tell ya)

Looking back on my life

You're the only good I've ever done (I've ever done)

Yeah, you, if it's not you, it's not anyone

It's not anyone, not anyone

Oh, oh, oh, oh

If it's not you, it's not anyone

Oh, oh, oh, yeah, whoa

Yeah, you are the only one I'll ever love

(I gotta tell ya, gotta tell ya)

Yeah, you, if it's not you, it's not anyone

(I gotta tell ya, gotta tell ya) gotta tell ya

Looking back on my life

You're the only good I've ever done (ever done, oh, yeah)

Yeah, you, if it's not you, it's not anyone

If you read the lyrics, you will notice that the context is very similar to “10000 hours”. It talks about the uncertainties of a beautiful love or in other words: No matter what the future brings to us, this love will last forever. 

This context of uncertainty and unknown future for a romance is a common concept in many of the songs Jungkook has covered and it’s not limited to the Justin Bieber covers he has done and maybe this concept can be the topic for my next analysis. 

[emmcreations]

Mistborn Cosplay PART 1

Inspiration

I want to cosplay a specific Mistborn in the books named Vin. We'll go over the rest of her costume later. The two images I'm using as inspiration are below:

Brandon has mentioned he imagines the strips being individually sewn with a softer inside and heavier inside, which I did for the top layer of strips. As far as length, he said within an inch or two of each other. So when trimming my strips I wasn't particular about them being exact. He also mentioned he imagines the strips being ½-1 inch wide, but I went with 1.5 inches just to save some sanity. Remember you can play with this and do whatever you want!

What you'll need:

-6.5 yards of a dark grey or black fabric like cotton, denim, or a lightweight wool. I got this black sweater/wool fabric at my local fabric store.

-15 yards of a dark grey or black lining, like silk, satin, or nylon ripstop. I got this ripstop online at Fabric Wholesale Direct.

-Two buttons

-Black or grey all purpose thread

-A sewing machine

-Simplicity 5794 cloak pattern (we're using pattern A)

-Fabric scissors

-A rotary cutter and mat

-A sewable seam adhesive (I used HeatnBond Lite)

-Lots of time and patience!! The strips alone probably took me a good 30-35 hours. I listened to WOK and some of WOR while making this.

I should also note that I was very generous with the fabric, partly because I didn't know what was necessary for the project. I cut my strips along the width and my fabric was 60" wide, so I had 60" strips. I ended up trimming them to probably 40-48 inches. If you have wide fabric you could cut lengthwise to save fabric, or find fabric that's already 48" wide instead of 60".

Making the cloak

Drawing from the inspiration photos, I wanted to create a cloak where the strips were all attached to a capelet. The black and white image has two capelets if you look closely, with strips attached to both, which is what I decided to go for using Simplicity pattern 5794 A.

I want to have one layer of the heavier fabric strips on the top capelet, with a layer or two of lining strips underneath, and another layer on the bottom capelet.

Quick disclaimer- the lighting in my basement craft room isn't great, sorry! I also forget to take pictures at every step.

Start by cutting out just the capelets and hood pieces for pattern A out in your heavier fabric. If your fabric has a pattern or grain like mine, make sure they line up. I’m cutting mine in size XS but in hindsight would have used size S. I'm 5'9" for reference.

Cut out the same pieces in your lining.

Follow the directions to sew the pieces together. You should have three separate pieces (upper capelet, lower capelet, hood). Do the same for the lining. Don't sew any of the capelets or hood to each other yet. If your fabric doesn't like to iron flat at the seams like mine, you can do a top stitch.

Then, measure the circumference or outer edge of the top capelet (minus a seam allowance for sewing them together) and divide by the width you want your strips to be. I measured with a string, then measured how long the string was. I went with 1.5 inches for my strip width. The resulting number is how many strips of your heavier fabric will be on the top layer (64.5 for me. I made 65 but ended up only fitting 63.) Cut out strips of your heavier fabric to that width including a seam allowance (so 2.25 inches for me), and 50-60 inches long. We'll trim them later. Cut out the same strips out of your lining.

I folded my fabric in half lengthwise and used this video to help me with cutting the strips. He explains it better than I could here.

Then right sides together, sew your heavier fabric strips to your lining strips. Leave both short ends open. Turn your strips right side out with a chopstick or knitting needle. Iron flat if needed. If your fabric is heavier and won't lay flat, sew around the edges in a top stitch.

LINK TO PART 2

[rappaccini]

so, regarding the Donna Thing,

disclaimer: this is more headcanon than theory. i am fully aware i am grasping at straws and that this is almost certainly not intentional. this is me, more than it is the devs. that being said, headcanoning is fun, donna deserves development, and her level doesn't bother to give it to her, so i'm gonna squeeze the scraps of canon we have until a narrative falls out:

resident evil 8 has an enormous, overarching theme of motherhood, and each of its female characters are mothers... including donna, if you read angie as donna's 'child.' which i think the game actively wants you to do:

donna lifts and holds angie like a woman would hold a baby or very young child

angie behaves like a bratty toddler, from the way she speaks, to the 'games' she leads the player through (yes, donna set them up, but angie's the one who challenges you)

donna's attention to her dolls is the same sort of affection alcina had for her daughters. she has a maternal role when she plays with them and she indulges them heavily

donna and alcina are foils; among many other things, to contrast alcina, who has control of her daughters, donna's dolls seem to dominate her (note that their color schemes are the same, black and white, but reversed), and angie and the dimitrescu girls have similar bloodthirsty batshit personalities

donna's design: she's not only wearing mourning garb, but she's also dressed and posed in a manner that evokes victorian hidden mother photography-- where mothers would conceal themselves under a veil to hold their babies still during photo sessions.

symbolically speaking, donna is not a perpetual child caught in a state of playing with her dolls. she is a mother in mourning, and her child is represented by angie. you could stop there, but personally, i think there's more to it than that.

(cut for length and content-- discussion of incest, child death and sexual abuse)

so. victorian photography was wild. not only do you have mothers resembling ghosts to capture photos of their babies, but corpse photography, where people-- including babies-- were posed and shot in a very similar manner (not including pics of those here bc corpses, but i am sure you can find them if you are so inclined). so it's very easy to associate these two trends together.

combine that association with this: not only does angie resemble a child, but she and donna are modeled after ghosts-- angie in particular looks like an emaciated, skeletal corpse. specifically, one being held by a woman in mourning wear, the same way a victorian mother might arrange for a final photograph of her deceased child.

so what we're left with is the implication that not only is angie donna's child-- she's her dead child.

now let me just whip out my tin foil hat here...

there are two other children related to house beneviento to discuss.

the first: claudia.

so, some people think claudia is donna's daughter, and i like that theory a lot, but i disagree with it. given donna isn't mentioned to have ceased aging, we must assume that she's doing so at her normal rate (and therefore that bernadette, who died in the fifties, is simply an ancestral relative, rather than her sister).

if she is older than she looks, then claudia is likely her daughter after all... which opens a can of worms about how a young woman raised and controlled by mother miranda since childhood could possibly have become pregnant, and how consensual that process might have been (and then comes the question of who and where the father is). but that's unlikely because it'd be remarkably stupid of the game to not have donna or anyone at all mention her dead daughter once in the entire game, especially a daughter who'd have died at 9 (aka right around the age eva died) and had time to make an impression on people. especially a daughter of a moldperson, given how Special rose is extolled to be for being one herself. it'd be too important not to mention, and since it isn't mentioned, claudia being donna's daughter is less likely than her being her sister.

so. donna's probably not older than she looks. and since her physical age (somewhere in her 30s) matches up with claudia's birth date (1987) so closely, there's no possible way that claudia is donna's child--therefore claudia is her sister.

now, the massive, carefully-deified gravesite was clearly built with incredible care, meaning that claudia's death was agonized over. she died young, and likely tragically, and she was buried with a precious family heirloom, so she was at least treasured by the family.

and given that donna's parents committed suicide when she was young (which we can only assume would've been in the '90s, therefore right around when claudia died), it's easy to draw a line between the two events: it's likely that claudia's death was devastating enough to trigger it.

we'll get back to claudia.

so. the other elephant in the room regarding house beneviento and children is, of course, Big Baby.

while Big Baby is definitely intended as a hallucination within ethan's mind, playing off his anxieties about something being wrong with rosemary (it's significant to note that in concept art, Big Baby is a girl), i think it's worth wondering how much control over the illusions donna has, beyond simply being able to cause them. if she can control them outright, as i think it's implied, then one must wonder-- how did she come up with Big Baby in particular?

given how the lords' level design and conflicts with ethan tells you a lot about who they are, i want to assume the same for donna. so yes, this is 95% for sure just one big mindfuck playing on ethan's fears, but donna is the only one of the lords to leave behind nothing in her own words that tells you about her motivations or backstory, and i hate that.

so, donna needs a past, and the least invasive way to give her one is to take elements already present in the game and examine them from a new angle: we assume that all that shit in donna's basement applies just as much to her as it does to ethan. after all, all that psychological fuckery had to come from somewhere. who's to say she wasn't drawing from personal experience?

so with that in mind... when looking at ethan's time in the beneviento house, aside from Big Baby and angie, there's also

donna and angie's tactics: attack ethan by playing on his anxieties about Something Being Wrong With The Baby especially in the audio, describing a pregnancy that goes terribly wrong, and leads to Big Baby's arrival

donna being a skilled herbalist with a laboratory all her own, evoking midwife imagery

the cradle in the cellar

the baby indentation that you have to find to unlock a door (literally reuniting parent and child in order to move forward and escape a miserable situation)

the painting of the heavily pregnant, miserable-looking woman that you are encouraged to look at by an animation that makes it swing like she's been hanged from the neck

the key you collect from donna having the image of a fetus on it

the female mannequin you dismantle, piece by piece, who vanishes in an explosion of blood from which Big Baby appears-- symbolically speaking, a traumatic 'birth'

donna writing "take care of our little rose" on the back of ethan's photograph when he retrieves it from her (the writing isn't present before this level and matches the same scribbly cursive as the list of film strips that only donna could've written= that's donna's handwriting, not mia's), implying that though angie hates rose, donna does not

(just to reiterate that: in the vision sequence of the lords dismembering rose, donna's the only one of the lords to not push forward and participate-- angie does, but she hangs back)

and most glaringly, the fact that donna's deformity (where the cadou was almost certainly inserted) literally looks like a fetus. and that donna can't bear to look at her own face because she thinks that deformity ruined her.

donna and her home are full of references to babies and pregnancy (and, given the presence of all those herbs, abortifacients). including that cradle, which is evidence that at some point, there was a baby in the house (or at the minimum, that there were plans for one).

now to bring angie back into the picture: who/what is she? is she a piece of donna's personality, the ghost/donna's impression of her sister claudia, or the essence of donna's own child (who in a sense is still a piece of her)?

especially given that miranda's primary motivation is resurrecting her dead daughter (as is ethan's)... could it be possible that donna, who mirrors her in other ways, found her own way to do the same?

and note that angie hates rose and seems jealous of her ("i'd make a much better daughter than rose") and that donna's note to ethan implies that she actually has affection for rose-- whose attention is angie worried that she could be losing: miranda's, or donna's?

factoring in that angie is meant to evoke the image of a decaying body, that Big Baby's screams directly transition into angie's laughter once you escape the basement, and that the only child in donna's house is Big Baby, a hallucination (that is specifically designed to be female)... what if Big Baby and angie are one and the same?

what i'm getting at is that donna had a child-- a daughter-- that died young, likely in infancy (and if that were the case, the child would potentially have been born with severe birth defects... the kind that might cause them to look like Big Baby). and angie is a way for her to cope with that loss, and to a certain extent, bring her back.

so. then comes the question: how'd the child come to be, and who's the father?

[again, we're assuming donna's as old as she looks, because the alternative, that claudia is her daughter and she had the child while already entrenched in the cult and under miranda's thumb, is too plot-relevant to have not been mentioned in-game, and thus can't have happened. regardless, there's a totally different can of worms at play there regarding a young donna being groomed into agreeing to conceive miranda's daughter replacement, and the only eligible father around would probably be heisenberg. very bad implications.]

well, consider:

that we know nothing of donna having any love interests, that donna is terrified of people and seldom interacted with them even as a child, and that she has had virtually no contact with anyone outside the lords since she joined them

that donna's terror stems from a prominent scar on her face, which she received as a child, while she had little contact with anyone outside her family. which means it's most likely that someone in her family gave it to her, so her upbringing was not a happy one

(that donna's scar resembles the beneviento family crest -> it's a constant reminder of her family)

that donna joined mother miranda after a childhood that lasted long enough for her to have significant memories of her family, but before she was an adult-- so she most likely joined when she was a preteen/teenager (which means that if we're assuming miranda didn't have a hand in the pregnancy, she had that baby when she was very young)

what could cause donna's childish fixation on dolls and playing, and her stunted development

that donna dresses the way she does because of an extreme sense of repulsion towards her own body (specifically, her body as it relates to a trauma inflicted on her, in two separate incidents, by both of her families, and the image of a fetus literally branded into her face forever)

that while donna and angie might not be the same person, they certainly have a mental connection, and to most players they'll read as two separate personalities (a 'split-personality') belonging to the same individual... and what specific trauma famously results in dissociative identity disorder? sexual abuse.

what could possibly cause a child to be born looking like Big Baby

that the benevientos are nobility, that the lords are obsessed with bloodline, and the kind of shit nobility does to keep their bloodlines intact

the audio used to torture ethan. specifically, of one parent desperately trying to convince the other that something terrible they did to their child is okay, actually. ("i didn't want to keep it from you. i didn't want to lose you again-- i didn't want to destroy this family. i love you both so much i had to. i had to do it." / "it'll be fine")

that angie accuses ethan of abusing/stabbing/penetrating his daughter.

... and that, on top of it all, something triggered lord and lady beneviento to commit suicide.

what i'm getting at is, the simplest answer is that the child's father was lord beneviento. that the child was both donna's daughter and her sister.

to bring it back around to angie,

donna confided heavily and exclusively in angie after her parents' deaths.

angie, who is donna's symbolic child, and may be the vessel for the ghost/donna's impression of the ghost of her actual child.

angie, who has a facial marking that mimics the family crest-- and donna's own deformity, which at the time of the doll's making, would have only been a scar. which would have most likely been given to her by someone in her family. ergo, angie is a reminder (intentional or otherwise) of how prominent her family is, and how they treated her.

angie, who (according to josef's journals) was a gift** to donna from her father.

angie, who wears a wedding dress.

**cadou means gift in romanian. cadou, the fetus-shaped thing implanted in donna's face that isolates her and makes her unable to look at herself. miranda's 'gift,' implanted into young donna, took the place of the scar and made it worse; one transformative trauma blooming out of another.

when considering her father's gift to her was angie, and what angie represents to donna... he literally gave her a 'child' who's a physical reminder of the trauma her family inflicted on her. and he then 'gave her a child' by implanting it into her. so to speak. (or maybe it was the reverse. maybe the doll was a gesture from him to win her over after damaging her trust.)

and to bring things back around to claudia: this is the second time re8 is using the motif of a lost daughter (who died tragically at the age of 9/10). the first was miranda and eva, and the only other lost daughter in the game that fits this description would be claudia. yes, ethan is also trying to resurrect a dead daughter, but rose is an infant, and he's a father, which makes things slightly different. close enough to mention here, not close enough to include fully.

so. given how the loss of a child can destroy a family (and especially a marriage) and given that motif... what if the benevientos wanted to resurrect claudia in another sense?

so. the series of events i'm picturing here probably unfolds like this:

claudia died young.

her death made the relationship between lord and lady beneviento decay to such an extent that donna's father started turning his attention towards her. having her 'fill in' for her mother, so to speak.

that eventually led to a pregnancy, at which point lady beneviento found out what was happening.

the pregnancy was carried to term because the benevientos hoped to get their dead daughter back in some form (and because the village is a fertility cult that worships motherhood and pregnancy, so abortion and contraception wouldn't have been allowed).

but the child died soon after birth, because she was 1) being born to a mother who was far too young to carry her in the first place, 2) so inbred that she developed wrong, and 3) potentially being subject to various toxic herbs (by donna? by her mother? her father?) in the hopes that the pregnancy not take.

that was a breaking point that culminated in lord and lady beneviento's suicide. they couldn't justify what they were doing anymore, and couldn't live with the consequences.

and then, in the aftermath, donna was brought into miranda's fold, moving from one abusive family to another... and her initiation into it was an equivalent violating trauma as she was made into another failed vessel for another dead daughter's resurrection.

just as one final hideous little detail: recall that miranda hates donna and considers her a failure because of that facial disfigurement/her severe mental illness. so in context, given what that disfigurement represents and how that mental illness came to be, she thinks the sexual abuse made her damaged goods and probably blames her failure to be an adequate vessel on that.

(given that the village is a fertility cult that worships the image of a fetus, where motherhood is considered divine, virginity/maidenhood is literally idolized, the process of propogation & reproduction is ritualized and the cult's entire purpose is to produce the reincarnation of miranda's daughter... how do you treat a woman or girl who gets pregnant in the Wrong Way, miscarries, attempts to abort a pregnancy, or has a child with a deformity?)

now consider that the division of the vials of body parts carry a symbolic meaning: four parts of a whole, each performing a different vital function but all combining into one functional being, divided to keep said parts static and vulnerable until miranda can manipulate their unification and make herself the core of it.

and consider that which vial was given to which lord tells you how miranda sees them:

karl, who runs the factory that powers the village and is subtly miranda's favorite, got the torso full of vital organs that connects all the other pieces (instead of the head, which contains the brain, which emits electric signals and conjures conscious thought... which tells you what miranda thinks of his independent streak).

alcina, the most eye-catching lord who takes the most after miranda, got the head (but not the torso, the vital center of the body full of all the blood-pumping organs... which is what ultimate miranda simp alcina would have preferred).

moreau, who does most of the grunt work keeping the village running, got the arms. (something secondary, unimportant, that carries the biggest load)

and donna... was given the legs. and presumably, what's in between them. just to let her know, one last time before she's thrown out with the trash for a newer, shinier child, exactly what miranda thinks she's good for.

[chuckbass-love]

can I request a Steve Rogers x trans!female reader where reader is pre-op. Tony is hosting a Christmas party, Steve and reader have been dating for a while and reader is insecure about wearing a dress to the party, so Steve comforts her, takes her out shopping, and is eventually her date to the x-mas party and keeps on reassuring and supporting her? thanks!

Hi love! Thank you so much for this request. I’m a sucker for cute Steve being all in love and crazy for his girl so i was more than happy to write this! 

I’m so nervous to post this! I always get anxious when posting requests as i want the person that requested it to love it so i hope you do! 

I just want to take the time out now to say that if anyone who follows me is transphobic then please leave at the nearest exit. 

Trans men ARE men and Trans women ARE women. That is all! I hope you enjoy bc fluffy Steve is here!

Disclaimer: My work is not to be posted anywhere else other than MY Tumblr, Wattpad and Ao3 without my permission. However, reblogs are welcome.

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Trans!Female reader

Warnings: A whole lotta fluff and i guess some angst too

Word Count: 1,806

GIF NOT MINE!!! Credit to @hasan-minhaj go check them out ❤️

You’re Fucking Perfect

Growing up, life has been pretty tough for you, you never managed to fit in. Life got even harder as you slowly but surely started the process of transitioning from male to female. Not everyone was accepting but you already expected it.

You hated being the odd one out, the girl that everyone automatically refused to call a girl. But no matter how much you hated that, you knew one day, things would change, someone would love you for you and you’d be accepted by not just that person but by everyone around you.

Now was that time. 

You’re happy and healthy, pre-op of course but it didn’t matter. Because you have the most amazing boyfriend who accepts every part of you, the good and the dark parts. You have friends too, friends who care for you. 

You can genuinely say that you’re happy again and happy with who you are becoming and with how your life is panning out.

You step out of the shower, wrapping a towel around your body and proceeding to dry off and change into new clothes, ready for another day.

“Hey babe” your boyfriend calls out, you just finish off with your very particular skin care routine. A girl needs to look her best always.

You wonder into the living area, to find him stood there, brows furrowed as he squints at his phone. 

“You really need glasses baby, your squinting again”

He waves you off as he chuckles.

“Come here” you strut over, sitting down at the breakfast bar as he places the food onto your dish. 

“What is it anyways?” you shove some scrambled eggs into your mouth.

“Tony texted, he’s throwing a Christmas party this weekend, we’ve been invited”

Panic starts to rush over you like a tidal wave. 

You’ve yet to meet his Avengers pals and you’re nervous to. You know they know who you are, Steve always talks about you to everyone. He’s always gushing about how lucky he feels to have such an amazing woman in his life.

It always puts a smile on your face whenever he tells you about his day and how he got caught up speaking about you rather than focusing on the mission.

He was more than proud to have you and you felt so loved and always lucky to be loved by him.

But now you have to meet them.

What are you even going to wear? What do you say to them?

All these questions flood your already over worked brain as you pause, not touching your food.

“Baby” Steve snaps his fingers in front of your face, pulling you out of your daze.

“Yeah?” he chuckles again.

“Is everything okay? you’ve barely said two words to me after all that”

You flash him a confused expression.

“I said did you want to go and decide what to wear, i already have an outfit but i know how you love to look your best, even though no effort is needed for that”

You shove him playfully, hopping off the stool and leading him to the bedroom to decide together.

Hopefully finding a killer outfit will help calm your nerves.

“How about this?” you reference to a black playsuit. He shrugs, shaking his head.

Every outfit you choose is bad. 

“Tell you what, why don’t we just go shopping? I can buy a new one for you”

“Steve, baby. I don’t need you to buy it for me”

“I know you don’t, you’re as stubborn as anything but please. Let me treat my woman to a new outfit” 

You giggle as he pulls you flush against him. Your heart starts to race.

“Let’s not get carried away now Rogers” you slide his hand off of your ass. Moving past him to walk out the door.

He follows, like a little puppy dog chasing his treat.

-------------------------

“Ugh i don’t know, i hate this one too” you sigh, looking in the mirror as Steve sits there in the changing room stall, watching you strip down to try the next one on.

“That’s s the one, that’s it” you look at him, then back to yourself in the mirror. Turning around to check yourself out.

It’s a little black dress, this would go perfect with your red bottom heels. But you’re not sure if you want to attend a party in this. 

“Baby, you look incredible in this” he gushes, causing your cheeks to heat up.

You can’t deny his compliment, you do look amazing but the anxiety is hitting you full force. 

What will people think? Will they accept you?

You’re still just halfway into the transition and you’re about to consider wearing a dress to a party.

Steve notices your face fall.

“Look, you’ve got nothing to worry about. I love you remember, this dress looks incredible on you and you’ll knock em all dead with this. Me included”

You giggle, wrapping your arms around his neck loosely. 

“Now please, let me get this for you and then we can go get some food. I’m starving”

“Okay, are you sure i should be wearing a dress, considering i-”

He doesn’t even let you finish, he already knows what you were about to say anyways.

“No, we’re not having this again. You’re not about to put yourself down and do the whole ‘considering i’m still a guy’ routine. You’re a woman, a beautiful one at that and i can’t wait for you to see yourself the way i do because to me you’re fucking perfect”

Your heart melts, his love for you is overflowing right now. You can see it in his eyes. His dreamy blue eyes.

You sigh, letting him move closer. His lips touch yours in a gentle but all consuming kiss. 

“I love you so much Y/N”

“I love you too”

You take the dress off and get back into your original clothes. Steve takes it to the register to pay before you both head out to grab a bite to eat.

----------------------------

It’s time, the day of the party is today. You feel sick as you finish your makeup. You slip your shoes on and stand up from the bed to be faced with Steve.

“Well dam” a flirty look fills his face, his eyes are clearly hungry for what’s in front of him. 

“You really are quite literally the most beautiful woman ever” you hide your face in your hands but he pulls them away.

“Now, i know you’re nervous baby, so take this. It should help a little”

He hands you a shot of tequila, you gladly accept. You both scrunch your noses up at the taste as he takes the shot glass from you. 

You head out the door to the cab waiting for the two of you.

“You’ll be fine baby, i’m with you, i’m gonna be with you all night”

You go to kiss his cheek but he turns his head so you get his lips instead. The kiss gets heated but just as things are close to taking a kinkier turn, the cabbie coughs as you arrive at your destination.

“Here goes nothing” you groan.

“They will love you and you look insane”

His constant comments of reassurance fills you with joy and happiness.

You were happy before you met him, of course you were. But he filled you with more happiness. He always tries his best to make you see how completely amazing you are. Some days you agree with a whole lotta sass and others you shake your head, not wanting to look him in the eye.

But you know every woman has this, even men too. Everyone is in a constant battle for self love.

You link your arm into his, strutting your way through the door to Tony’s place.

You’re instantly greeted by Pepper. Steve told you about her, Tony’s girlfriend and assistant. 

“Steve, you made it” she pulls him into a hug before turning to you.

“This must be Y/N it’s so lovely to finally meet you, Steve speaks about you all the time. You look gorgeous” your cheeks heat up again.

You scan over her outfit, she’s a goddess.

“Thank you so much for having me here and thank you, i love your dress it’s beautiful like you” she waves your compliment off.

“Come in, you thirsty?” she asks and you nod.

She hands you a drink, you smell the contents of the cup before taking a sip. Vodka and Coke. Not your favourite but it’s still nice.

As you and Steve laugh away at a joke he made, you see some people approach the two of you.

“Rogers” 

“Romanoff”

You smile, staring over her dress and the four guys behind her, all dressed up in smart suits.

“Y/N is it? Hi, I’m Natasha. This is Bruce, Thor, Tony and Clint” you nod, holding your hand out to shake it but she declines, bringing you into a hug instead. 

You shake the guy’s hands though and introduce yourself briefly before Natasha pulls you away from them all. 

“I just wanted to get you away from all the testosterone! Those guys can be a lot! By the way can i just say, this dress. Beautiful” you shrug and gesture to her dress as you smile and return the compliment.

“So how are things going with Steve? He never shuts up about you”

“Things are going great. He makes me so happy” you smile again and she beams at you.

“I can tell he’s happy too, the dude is an actual walking love heart. He brings you up into any conversation that he can. Always showing us cute pictures of the two of you so i’m honoured that i finally get to meet you”

“Oh god, i hope they are actually nice photos not just ones he considers nice where i look rough. And yeah i heard you tried to set him up with some girls”

She nods her head.

“Oh i tried, but failed and now he has you so i guess my failings were always meant to be. And don’t worry, they were nice photos”

You giggle, looking back at Steve who’s ogling you from head to toe.

“Put that tongue away lover boy, you have her alone tonight, for now she’s ours” Nat shouts, everyone stares at you. 

You feel so welcomed by everyone here, they are all making an effort to get to know you and you’re learning new things about Steve. Or should you say hearing embarrassing stories.

Tony makes a joke about his thing for language. 

“I remember when i first swore around him, his face dropped as he sighed” they all laugh at you’re addition to the conversation.

This is perfect. You forget all about your previous worries. Everything is going well and you don’t want to leave.

---------------------------------

TAGS: @deadlymistress24 @coffeebooksandfandom @princess-evans-addict @badbo1-evans @holtzkinnon @mychemicalimagines @llamadelreyx @haus-of-bitch-talk @buckstaybucky @thewinchestergirl1208 @chrissquares @patzammit @adriannajackson @dummiesshort @cevans-fics 

REQUESTS ARE OPEN!!!

[stella-monstrum]

Creep (2014); Masterpieces don’t escape accountability (Rated R; 1hr 22 mins)

In this circumstance, I am incredibly guilty of judging a book by its cover. Netflix is hit and miss when it comes to hosting a film that absolutely blows me away, let alone drive me to such internal rage and passion for weeks after the fact.

Cinematic poster for Creep (2014). (Source: YouTube)

Upon the ever-so-familiar scrolling journey, the silhouette of a man in what appears to be workout gear didn’t immediately jump out at me. Upon further inspection I discovered that James Blum (founder of Blumhouse Productions) had a hand in this film. I allowed my soft spot for Blumhouse to make the decision to watch for me.

Before we begin I want to put a disclaimer. I have not seen this specific side of this film being talked about or covered. I applaud Mark Duplass and Patrick Brice for creating something very different in the serial killer/thriller genre—let alone within the confines of found footage. I am a fan of both genres individually, but Creep in particular I have a lot to tear into.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Plot:

Freelance videographer Aaron (Patrick Brice) responds to an anonymous online ad that offers $1,000 dollars per day. The ad brings Aaron to a remote part of the mountains, where he meets his boss/subject Josef (Mark Duplass). Josef explains that he’s a soon-to-be father who might not get to see his son’s birth due to a recurrent cancer diagnosis—specifically a “Baseball sized tumor that is inoperable” only two months prior to beating the disease that had spread to his liver and lungs. (This hit extremely home for me after losing my father to stage 4 stomach cancer that spread in a similar way. But I’ll get to that connection later.)

Josef hires Aaron to film a very personal documentary of his daily life (“tubby time,” hiking to a legendary lake that cures disease, etc.) to show to his unborn son in the event that Josef passes.

Josef and Aaron bonding at the “Miracle Waters of the Heart” (Source: IMDB)

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

The hope and upbeat personality of Josef in spite of his cancer struggles made me immediately connect and feel for him. With each passing moment, there’s a bond between Josef, Aaron, and I (from a first-person standpoint). Josef also has an odd sense of humor which includes “jokingly” trying to drown himself, scaring the shit out of Aaron on multiple occasions. These kinds of events escalate very quickly.

Connecting with a creepy looking wolf mask and acting different when putting it on.

Taking photos of Aaron upon his arrival to the cabin.

Sending him odd DVDs of himself after Aaron avoids Josef’s attempt at trying to make friends.

Sending Aaron a musical locket with both of their photos in it.

Ultimately, things get progressively worse. Josef steals Aaron’s keys, cluing into the fact that Josef isn’t quite right and most importantly dangerous. Which you can see at 1:44 in the trailer here.

Josef as Peachfuzz the friendly wolf. (Source: Google Images)

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

With Josef’s behavior, it made me believe that the “baseball-sized tumor” was affecting his judgment and were ultimately symptoms of a personality disorder. According to thebraintumourcharity.org;

“Personality changes are most common when a tumour is located in the frontal lobe, which controls your personality and emotions. It also controls our ability to regulate our behaviour and restrain ourselves, so tumours that develop in the frontal lobe can cause behaviour that's considered socially inappropriate.”

I get what Mark and Patrick were trying to portray before ultimately revealing that the whole circumstance was a blatant psychotic lie. I will hand it to them on the fact that they captured every single very real fear attached to Craigslist, Ebay, & Facebook Marketplace.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Now you may ask, “What’s there to be accountable for?”

It isn’t uncommon for filmmakers to have disease as a focal point to drive their subject to doing some pretty nasty things. As someone who lost a loved one to cancer recently, I don’t agree with Mark and Patrick villainizing cancer (intentionally or not) for the majority of the film. I also don’t agree in other circumstances either. It’s disappointing and dampened my enjoyment for what would be a masterpiece otherwise.

Obviously in the news, there’s been many occasions where men and women fake cancer to scam others. In Creep they do push that button to bring a very real fear to the surface.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

As a viewer, you still felt for Josef when he admits to lying:

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’ve seen doctors, tried medications, but nothing has helped. It’s led me to do terrible and inappropriate things.”

In Creep canon, fans have believed that Josef suffers from Schizotypal, a mild form of schizophrenia that presents itself as the following (according to Harvard):

“Loners who prefer to keep their distance from others and are uncomfortable being in relationships. They sometimes exhibit odd speech or behavior, and they have a limited or flat range of emotions.” But the depiction extends beyond that scientific blocked off description.

Plus, this theory has not been confirmed by either Patrick or Mark.

Mark Duplass’ performance was heart wrenching, creepy, and on another level for found footage. This film haunted me so much, and provoked so much internal thought. Ultimately, though, filmmakers should be held accountable (at least by fans) for making a poor choice, and this article is trying to do exactly that.

The two-part Creep franchise is very thought-provoking, and I look forward to seeing how they come about adding a third installment. There sure are a lot of current-day situations to choose from. But the filmmakers need to do so in a way that doesn’t villainize illness—mental or physical.

If you or a loved one experience mental health struggles, here is a compiled list of resources.

[taehyung-rambles]

My Top 3 BTS Outfits in Each Era (Up to Permission to Dance)

Disclaimer: These pictures are hella grainy because I used the wrong edit and only realized after I’d done like 10 eras. Plus it’s hella hard to catch a shot of the boys during the MV when they’re not moving.

Okay, so I don’t know why I wanted to do this. That’s a lie; there’s a very specific outfit that made me want to do this, so look out for that one if you want to know why I’ve decided to dedicate myself to this terribly long and arduous post.

This post is what it sounds like. One thing I’m gonna say before we get going is that I skipped the Make It Right era because the boys didn’t actually film anything for it (it was just a stage mix); ergo, I’d be ranking the outfits they had for the Love Yourself Tour, not the outfits that were selected for them for that particular song. So, I figured it’d be pointless to be like, “Oh, you see this outfit that Jimin wears for these four songs on tour that he happens to wear in the Make It Right stage mix? I like it.”

Also:

This isn’t based on my bias or the members themselves at all; it’s literally which outfits I liked the best.

That means that there are eras where there’s two of one member plus one other member in my top three since the boys usually have at least two outfits. Actually, there’s one era that only has three outfits from one member in it because that member was styled really well for that era.

I will be, like, talking about the outfits through the members’ names, though, because... how else am I supposed to do it? “Yes, so IDOL outfit #9 was really cool”? Not gonna work.

Some of the representations of the members’ outfits aren’t actually that good because I literally could not take a full-body screenshot of them since they were always moving.

As such, I’d advise you to actually go to the MV for outfits you wanted to see in full.

I didn’t use any promotional shots, behind the scenes MV shootings, or outfits from secondary versions of the MVs (with one exception I’ll talk about later)--such as the Manifesto Film for ON or the Japanese version MVs--because I wanted to pull them all from the main MVs. Plus, there was always the chance that the outfit I liked wasn’t shown in the behind the scenes shooting or didn’t have a promotional shot taken of it, and I wanted all the pictures to be taken from the same place.

So, you should prepare for some funny faces from the boys because some of these screenshots are questionable for the sake of capturing the outfit.

I’ll probably talk about their hair if I feel like I need to because it’s so good that’s it’s almost like a part of the outfit; that’s gonna be rare, though.

Disclaimer #2: I do not have any real knowledge about fashion, so I’m just here to say, “Wow. Don’t they look so good?”

Disclaimer #3: I sincerely apologize to the boys for all the ridiculous faces that are to follow.

No More Dream

Boy oh boy, was this era hard to decide on. BTS’s early MVs had a certain mood to them, you know? And that meant there outfits weren’t always amazing. However, I did my best to understand the concept of putting the boys in over-the-top outfits to sell the genre of music and image brand they were going for; that being said, I did end up picking the most basic outfits from the No More Dream era.

Taehyung: I mean, it’s a basic outfit, you know? I’m a sucker for all-black outfits--though the all-black wardrobe in the No More Dream MV was not exactly my flavor of fashion--and Taehyung in a leather jacket is always gonna be awesome.

Jin: Jin’s arms said wassup, you know? That’s not really why I picked this outfit for my top three, though; it was mostly because I liked the shirt they put Jin in, and the accent with the bandana on his pants was nice.

Jungkook: So, the print on Jungkook’s pants was used for all members in one way or another--like, for instance, Taehyung had a T-shirt with it--but I like the print being on the pants Jungkook has on. Also, the style of his pants is a style I love; I have no idea what style they’re in, but the loose fabric at the top is nice. Also, his high-tops (or boots?) are a nice contrast to the rest of black in his outfit.

We Are Bulletproof Pt.2

Talk about another era of questionable fashion. It’s not really the style of clothes they were wearing or which pieces they’re wearing because I know BigHit did the best it could with the money it had at the time; I mostly don’t like the early eras’ stylings because there was a lot going on. Like, you got the leggings under the shorts, knee socks, shirts tied around waists, etc. They’re doing the most, and I don’t really vibe with it. Not that layering is bad because BTS has outfits that are layered later, obviously, and some of those are really nice. I think it’s just awkward to look at when it’s a bunch of sportswear. Anyway, that’s not what this is about.

Jimin: I know Jimin’s got eels or fish on his shorts. I didn’t realize until I look at Taehyung’s T-shirt and realized that he was also wearing the same print. However, Jimin’s shorts being gold looks nice between his black socks and shirt. I can’t explain why. Because pants are usually the darker color in outfits, so the fact that it’s inverted is interesting? Maybe I like the eels after all? Who can say?

Jungkook #2: I’ve no idea what’s going on with Jungkook’s outfit in the middle photo, but the print on his shorts in nice. I mean, I like that he’s got red accents throughout the entire outfit because it’s less gaudy than the gold accents on the boys’ other set of outfits for this MV. Other than that, I just like it better than the rest of the outfits (besides my number one, obviously).

Jungkook #1: No, there is not a full-body shot of this outfit in the MV, and yes, I’m still listing it as my number one. Is this partially because I didn’t like any of the other outfits? Maybe. But, I also really like the print on Jungkook’s--what I’m going to tentatively call--shoulder-pad-jacket. Like, the sports uniforms were a little dumb, but I like that Jungkook’s was a bit more fancy, if you will, than just a jersey. Even if I can only see the top half of it.

N.O

Now we’re getting into some fashion, kids. I mean, the N.O concepts weren’t the best, but it’s better than fish-shorts, you know? Throughout doing this project, I realized that the boys have done the all-white thing a few times--like in Black Swan, Boy With Luv, and Film out, to name a few--and I really like it. Just like in N.O, it’s always a really nice contrast with, either the music, or the members’ images or both. The white clothes make everything seem softer, but then you put a song like N.O on top of it or an image like attractiveness-can-kill Kim Taehyung, and it offsets everything in a really interesting way.

Taehyung: I mean, honestly, I didn’t know what outfit to put in this spot, but I like Taehyung’s shirt, so here we are. The texture on it is nice, actually, because the boys were mostly wearing stuff on top of plain white hoodies or shirts, so Taehyung having a shirt with a bit of visual to it was good.

Jungkook: I don’t know; I like casual clothes, okay? It’s a baggie hoodie, sweatpants, and some chains, but I like the look a lot. Don’t @ me--not that this is a controversial opinion. Maybe I’m influenced by the choreography or something, but I liked this particular Jungkook outfit in N.O.

Yoongi: Can I say Yoongi looks a bit like a ‘90s rapper or is that inaccurate? Yoongi’s got the curly, red hair with a bandana in it, y’all. That shit’s wild. And he’s got a fluffy, white vest. Legit, his outfit says, “I’m cute,” but his expression and rap verse say, “Sit the fuck down,” you know what I mean? That’s the type of shit I’m here for.

Boy In Luv

This era was difficult to decide on, as you can imagine, because they were all in school uniforms with very tiny differences in between them. I think, because of that, this era was a little bit about how each member looked in their outfit for the MV because I didn’t have much to go on.

Jimin: You can’t see it in the picture I was able to get, but he’s got little metal pieces on the collar of his shirt, which is also a black collar, and both of those little details are cool. That’s literally it all I have to say.

J-Hope: Hobi was in all-black, y’all, so I wanted to include him. Would you like to know why his picture is so terrible? There were zero full-body shots of him during his rap verse. Why? So difficult it was to get a shot of Hobi looking fine as hell in this uniform.

Namjoon: I think one other member had a plaid shirt under their button down--Jin, I think--but the pattern of Namjoon’s plaid shirt was the one I liked the best. It’s a really nice pop to the black-and-white the other guys had.

Just one day

This MV was so difficult to find good shots for, let me tell you. Take a shot every time I say that from now on if you want to, you know, poison yourself. Anyway, the outfits for this era were pretty simple. The boys also had school uniform-esque outfits, but they were all the same, so I didn’t include them. At least, they were close enough to the same that I didn’t like any of them individually.

Jimin: When I tell you Jimin only has close-up shots in this MV--I digress. You can’t really tell with the picture I was able to get, but the patches on his pants looked really cool, to me. He also had a long, baggy shirt on on top of the tight pants, so the entire outfit ended up looking really nice.

Jungkook: I don’t really know how to explain this one. I just like the look of it. Jungkook looks like a ballet dancer, you know? I like the asymmetrical sections of his shirt, I like the leather pants, I like the neckline; it’s a good outfit, simple though it is.

Yoongi: This is a boyfriend look if I’ve ever seen one. I’m also a sucker for denim jackets, so that’s part of the reason I liked this outfit on Yoongi. Also, the layering of the jacket, hoodie, and shirt is a combo that can rarely ever go wrong. This is another neutral-toned MV in terms of the outfits, so I like the bit of blue from Yoongi’s jacket, as well.

Danger

This is the first BTS era in which everyone’s outfits killed, and I had a difficult time picking out which ones I liked the best. These outfits definitely fit the Dark & Wild concept well, and I think each member was styled amazingly for this MV.

Taehyung: There is a strong part of me that loves Taehyung in this ballcap. I also love the leather accents on his blazer and the fact that he’s got a white shirt on for that bit of contrast. I don’t know; the entire visual for Taehyung in this outfit was working. 

Jimin: Isn’t Jimin’s shirt so cool? It’s, like, kind of a stiff material, so when he dances, it looks really cool. Plus, the button down and chain he has underneath it are such cool little accents. It almost looks like he’s wearing a turtleneck from a distance because the button down is buttoned all the way up, and I like that vibe.

Jungkook: I don’t know how to explain the emotional attachment I have to Jungkook’s outfit in the Danger MV. The plaid shirt around his waist, the denim jacket, the dark and ripped jeans; I mean, please. This is an iconic MV look, and you can quote me on that. Legit, this would be in the catalog of “Jungkook’s most iconic looks,” for me.

War of Hormone

Can I talk about how cool the concept was for the War of Hormone era? Like, the punk look was such a good choice. It made them look like British teenagers from the 80s, but I’m not mad at that. Also, the mussed hair? What a look these guys had during this era. I don’t think there’s a whole lot of BTS eras that kind of come with their own predetermined fashion themes like War of Hormone came with the punk one. You got Dynamite with the 70s theme and Dope with the costumes theme, but that’s kind of it. The rest of the time, the boys kind of just match while the outfits compliment the song, rather than the outfits embodying the song. So, War of Hormone is a special era because of that.

Jungkook: These stripped sweaters and skinny scarves were such a fad for me when I was in elementary school, but somehow Jungkook makes it seem actually cool. Plus, he’s got all those holes in his sweater that make it look all grungy, and it’s so fun that that’s how they decided to add a focal piece to his outfit.

Taehyung: I wasn’t initially thinking Taehyung would be on this list since the other members have louder outfits than just a leather jacket, but Taehyung’s outfit is so cool. It’s got the print on the back of the jacket plus the buttons on the front that really sell the punk vibe, but he’s also got pinstriped pants, y’all. What a combo.

Namjoon: I don’t like to say “daddy,” but this outfit on Namjoon is, you know? I mean, it’s just a really nice suit in the first place. You got your little pocket square, really nice lines, gorgeous pinstripes; plus, Namjoon’s got that white shirt under it instead of a button down. It all works really nicely, and the overall outfit stuck out to me right away when I was looking at this MV.

I Need U

It was so difficult trying to grab the outfits for I Need U and RUN because they’re basically short films, which meant there was no choreo I could pause during to get a full body shot or cuts of the boys singing their solos. However, I managed to grab these three, so let’s get it.

Yoongi: It’s simple, I know, but I like simple sometimes. I think it’s mostly the jeans that made me choose this Yoongi outfit in I Need U because the shirt was plain white, and the jeans being ripped an rolled was just enough diversity to make me love the outfit. Plus, Yoongi’s shirt is tucked in, so it’s a nice vibe.

Taehyung #2: The outfit in the middle photo is kind of a weird outfit, to me. I think it’s because the jack and the pants are the same material, but in any case, I like it a lot because it looks strange but simple at the same time. The outfits in I Need U were a little geeky, if I can say that, which is totally fine, but I just ended up liking Taehyung’s the best because of the fit of the outfit and the material.

Taehyung #1: It’s that jacket-hoodie-shirt combo again. It’s also all black; it’s also got a leather jacket. It’s the stuff I love, and it’s all on Taehyung, who I love. I mean, there’s also the factor of him wearing the hood up to mimic the dark tone of the MV and song, so all of that contributed to me liking this outfit a lot.

For You

I didn’t expect to like the outfits in the For You MV all that much since it’s a bit of a basic song, but I thought a lot of the pieces were really beautiful. Jungkook had a nice outfit during the choreo, Jin had a nice outfit for the scene when he was washing cars; I mean, all the members had several really nice looks for this MV.

Namjoon: I was trying to decide between this and Jin’s denim jacket outfit, but I really like the dark wash on Namjoon’s jacket and jeans. Also, the jeans being rolled to expose the boots is something I also really liked. This is an aside, but doesn’t Namjoon fucking wear this shit? He looks hella good.

Yoongi: I really like the stark white of Yoongi’s jacket and pants against the black of his shirt. Plus, the shirt has a really gorgeous pattern on it, which is a big reason why I ended up choosing this outfit for my top three.

Taehyung: That jacket is so pretty, isn’t it? It’s not just the floral pattern of it, but the stripes underneath the floral pattern are so lovely against the white in the rest of Taehyung’s outfit. It makes Taehyung look older, too, which has nothing to do with the outfit, but I figured I’d mention it.

Dope

Does anyone know why the concept for this MV was basically Halloween costumes? Was it because the song is about dudes who work hard for their dreams and they wanted the boys to be dressed like various kinds of employees? Anyway, it was a fun MV to look at.

J-Hope: I thought Hobi’s outfit was fitted very well, so I ended up choosing it mostly because of the cut and shape it had. However, the actual leather itself looked really cool, too, with the white and red accents.

Jimin: Like, all the boys wore the white-shirt-black-tie ensemble, but it was Jimin’s only look for the MV, and he wore it the best, so I had to put it down. This one is another case of it being kind of about the member, but sue me, okay? I stan this Jimin.

Jungkook: We all knew, didn’t we? I mean, the police officer’s uniform is iconic. The pants being tucked into the boots gives Jungkook such a nice silhouette, and the fit of the uniform did the same thing. Jungkook looked incredible in this era.

RUN

This era gave me so many issues; you don’t understand. You see how shitty these pictures are, right? None of the members were still during this entire MV except for that one shot of Jungkook sitting on the floor; I mean, I guess that’s indicative of the song being called “RUN,” but ya know. Honestly, I really liked a lot of the outfits during the RUN era because all of them had so much character. It was really difficult to choose only three, so let me know in the replies which outfits you liked from this era.

Jin: A lot of my decisions are based on jackets, but you’re gonna have to bear with me on that one because it’s gonna continue. The picture sucks, but go to the MV and look at Jin’s jacket because it’s got such a nice pattern. It stood out a lot to me because it was different from the other members, and Jin doesn’t usually wear jackets like this.

Taehyung: You’re also gonna have to go check this one out for yourself, but I though the brown jacket and red flannel together looked really nice, especially on top of the dark jeans Taehyung was wearing. I mean, the sunglasses are a vibe, too, but that wasn’t really on my mind when making this decision.

Yoongi: I love this Yoongi outfit in the RUN MV. It had just enough going on to make it look interesting but not busy. The red-and-black striped shirt under the ripped, acid wash jacket provides such a nice contrast. Plus, Yoongi’s got moe sleeves here, which is adorable.

EPILOGUE: Young Forever

This was sort of an awkward MV to do because it’s such a short song, but I got there in the end. The outfits weren’t terribly complex, so we won’t be here all that long, especially since all the members were wearing just about the same types of outfits in terms of color profile.

Yoongi: I like the pattern on Yoongi’s shirt a lot, and I like the little ribbons or whatever they are hanging from his sleeves. This isn’t a style I see on Yoongi that often, but regardless of who was wearing it, the outfit did it’s job because it looks awesome.

Taehyung: I really like the cut of Taehyung’s shirt. Like, the way it buttons looks really interesting, the lack of a collar looks cool, and he’s got a little ascot/scarf thing that has a nice pattern on it. Plus, the scarf was sitting underneath the neckline of the shirt, which was a cool detail.

Jungkook: So, Jungkook was the only member with color in his outfit? I know he’s the center of BTS, but it’s a bit weird? I’m not complaining, though, because the color of his shirt is gorgeous. The rosy-brown was such a nice pop of contrast against the grey background of the MV. It also tied in nicely with the warm tones at the end as the sun is setting.

FIRE

This was an era for outfits, y’all. They kind of a SoCal vibe going on in this MV, and all the members looked super cool. It was interesting to see their outfits shifting as the scenes changed, too. Like, when they were outside, they had outfits with more pops of interests, but when they were inside or when it was dark, they had slightly grungier outfits with more subdued patterns. Or, when they were just messing around and singing or shooting skits, they had goofier outfits on. Anyway, this MV is rad, and so are the outfits.

Taehyung #2: I just really love Taehyung’s jacket that he has on for the majority of this MV. On top of the black shirt and jeans, it became a nice focal piece. Taehyung’s jeans are ripped, too, and it provides some shape to Taehyung’s legs that’s super nice. I mean, all the members have knee rips, but in an all-black outfit, it looked awesome. Also, though you can’t see it in the picture, he has brown boots on, and it’s such a weird addition to a black-and-denim outfit, but somehow, it works really well.

Jungkook: It’s the cardigan for me, fam. It’s such a pretty piece; actually, that’s not all I love about Jungkook’s outfit in the middle picture because he has this band around his leg that stands out so much for some reason. I don’t even know what the band is or if it’s a part of the jeans or what, but it actually really does elevate the look.

Taehyung #1: This fit is it, y’all. First of all, the jacket is bomb; the color is stunning, and the fringe is so fun. The belt Taehyung’s wearing pops--at least to me--and the black jeans work really well with the jacket. And Taehyung’s boots plus the jeans? Please.

Save ME

This was the most difficult MV to get screenshots for by far. This, War of Hormone, and Film out are the only MVs where the boys only have one outfit, right? Boy In Luv might, as well; I can’t remember. There’s probably more, but anyway. I’ll keep it a buck: I’m not gonna have a lot to say about Yoongi and Namjoon, but we’re gonna try our best.

Yoongi: The ripped jeans are nice, as always, and I love Yoongi’s boots, but other than that, this is just about me liking the type of outfit this is. I mean, having a long-sleeve tee under a T-shirt can be kind of lame, but when it’s a nearly all-black outfit with pops of light coming from the undershirt, it can look good.

Namjoon: I picked Namjoon’s outfit because the jacket he was wearing was fitting pretty tightly, and I thought it made his silhouette look really sharp. The ballcap did the same thing since Namjoon’s hair wasn’t out in the wind. Also, he’s got converse high-tops on--I think--and that’s always a vibe.

Taehyung: Taehyung’s outfit is the only outfit I freakin’ love from Save ME. He’s got the moe sleeves, guys, and it makes Taehyung look so soft. Plus, the sweater that’s on top of his long-sleeve tee is cut really nicely so the sleeves are really big and make Taehyung’s silhouette look really cool when he’s dancing. Also, red-haired Taehyung is an icon.

Blood Sweat & Tears

So, I kind of both loved every single outfit in this MV and didn’t find any of them particularly stand out-ish. That’s probably because they were all awesome so none of them could be more awesome than another. Still, I came up with a list. Let me tell you, I was so mad that the suits the boys were wearing in the beginning were not shown that much in the MV because they were all gorgeous.

Jungkook #2: Which is why Jungkook’s face is covered because I could only get this shot of his suit since it’s basically invisible the rest of the time. How pretty is the print on it, though? The flowers are gorgeous on top of the black.

Yoongi: I really like light nude-colored fabric because anything you put on top of it looks a little bit lacy, and that’s what Yoongi’s blazer looked like in this MV. Plus, he’s got a choker, which looks really interesting since he’s wearing a suit.

Jungkook #1: It’s basically just the shirt that I really loved, but it’s got such a beautiful print on it, and it’s pale nude, and he has--I think--a velvet choker on. Plus, his shirt’s all flowy and nice. It doesn’t get better than this, kids.

Spring Day

Is it just me, or were their outfits a little bit strange in Spring Day? Not a whole lot, but the winterwear they had on was really unique. Especially the heavily patterned sweaters a few of the members were wearing. Quirky is the word I want to use, but it’s not really quirky as much as it’s just a bit off center.

Yoongi: I honestly didn’t know what the third outfit should be, so Yoongi is kind of here because I liked the simplicity, and the pink of his sweater is a good pink and not that gross hot pink that never looks good. He’s also got rips in his jeans in a really weird spot, which is probably not that good for the winter, but it looks nice.

Namjoon: I can’t tell if Namjoon is wearing a white hoodie with an orange hood or if he’s wearing a long-sleeve sweater on top of an orange hoodie, but either way, he looks great. Also, the blazer on top is, like, kind of weird but also a vibe. It’s an outfit that doesn’t really match, but it doesn’t clash, so I guess you’d call that complimentary?

Jungkook: It’s a simple black-and-white outfit, but the specific pieces Jungkook was wearing were all really pretty. The stripes being concentrated in the middle of the sweater and the jacket having flecks of white that look like paint go together so well.

Not Today

Everybody was poppin’ in this era, outfits and otherwise. I really like the red theme that colored everybody’s concepts, and it kind of makes me think of Not Today as a red song. Is that weird? Who knows? Anyway, this era was hard to choose from.

Namjoon: Namjoon looked like a king in this MV. He’s got purple hair that actually really pops against the rest of his outfit, and his pants being red is so fun. Also, the bleached out area of his button down shirt looks really awesome. Jungkook has a shirt like that in this MV, as well, but the stripes on Namjoon’s make the bleached spot stand out more.

Yoongi: The leather pants were a good choice because Yoongi looks awesome in them. The red detailing on them is also awesome, but the money piece is his jacket. What a nice color that jacket is, I tell you what. It stands out so much because of how vibrant it is, especially against Yoongi’s pitch-black hair.

Taehyung: This is one of those outfits that I’ve always loved, and now I get to talk about it. I cannot tell what is hanging from his hips, but the tie-dye look of it is fun; the shirt Taehyung is wearing is super weird, but I love it a lot. Also, Taehyung in a bandana always slaps. The jacket, though, is so cool. The pure white of it is already eye-catching, but the actual fit and shape of it is really unique, too.

DNA

This era doesn’t have the outfit that made me want to make this post, but it did have the MV that made me want to make this post. I mean, we all know the DNA MV is vibey as hell, and the bright and bold colors and patterns in everybody’s outfits sold that theme really easily. This was another era that was difficult to choose from because I liked a lot of the individual pieces the members were wearing, but I didn’t like many outfits as whole packages.

Taehyung #2: Taehyung looks so elegant in this outfit, and I know it’s also because of his hair, but damn. I wanna say it makes him look rich, but that’d be stupid since, you know, he is rich. Again, it’s simple, but the silk, red shirt Taehyung’s wearing is stunning.

Yoongi: I don’t really know why I chose this outfit, but I still love it. Like, it’s just a jersey and a blue jacket, but the colors are coordinated really nicely, and the blue is a pretty blue. I don’t know; I just thought it was well put together.

Taehyung #1: I did not think Taehyung in sweats and a dress shirt was gonna end up being my favorite outfit in DNA, but here we are. The red-white-and-blue theme is all over the place in the DNA MV, but it doesn’t look too gaudy of a color combo in Taehyung’s outfit in the leftmost picture. He looks comfy and cute, and I like it a lot.

MIC Drop (Steve Aoki Remix)

Is it okay to say that this MV has some of the best stylings for the boys in any MV? I mean, they all looked dope, no? It was so hard to get these screenshots, and I couldn’t even get the best ones in the world, but I really liked everyone’s outfits in this era since it was like sportswear but more swaggy.

Yoongi #2: This is a shitty screencap, but I couldn’t get a better one without Yoongi being three pixels. Anyway, the all white tracksuit is a vibe and half. Yoongi looks so damn cool. You can’t see it in the picture, but his sweatpants have black stripes on them that look awesome, and he’s got red shoes. Epic.

Yoongi #1: I hate camo, but this look is it, fam. The top half with the hoodie and the bandanas is enough, but I think Yoongi was also wearing a really long, black shirt underneath that hung the middle of his thighs, and it’s awesome against the black pants.

Taehyung: Taegi really was blessing us with the headbands in this era. This look is badass, periodt. The loose pants, the combat boots, the leather jacket with the orange lining, the Mastermind World hoodie--I mean, it’s a legendary look for Taehyung, no doubt.

FAKE LOVE

This era was a good era. Jimin’s hair looked like a tiger, Taehyung had a mullet, Jungkook had a jacket that made him look like a ruby; I mean, everyone looked amazing in the Fake LOVE era. I don’t have it in my list, but I do wanna talk about the ruby jacket Jungkook was wearing because, wow, was it pretty. That is all.

Taehyung #2: I don’t know why I like this outfit so much, but I think it’s because it’s weird? Like, it’s all neutral colors, which is why it’s not too much, but the leather straps are so strange. I love it, though, because it’s like Taehyung’s in a straitjacket, which was the point, I guess. Also, his shirt is a bit asymmetrical, so that’s fun.

Jungkook: I mean, this whole ensemble is iconic, to me. The jacket is so sporadically colored because it’s, like, tie-dyed but also sectioned off by color, so that’s awesome; then you got his ratty tee and the plaid shirt tied around his waist. And if that wasn’t enough to butter your bread (pun intended), JK’s got ripped jeans and blocky shoes, baby. What a combo.

Taehyung #1: How pretty is Taehyung’s shirt? It’s flowy and flowery and the colors are absolutely gorgeous. Taehyung’s jeans are also really interesting because they’ve got different shades of denim, little frays and rips, and striped details that make them look interesting. I guess it’s just a shirt and jeans, but the pieces are so beautiful.

IDOL

I take it back; this era was the worst era for getting screenshots. The pain I went through to get Taehyung in that suit and Jungkook in that hanbok was ridiculous. Anyway, as IDOL is a chaotic as fuck song, the outfits were equally chaotic, and all of them were kind of awesome in their own quirky ways. Like, even though Taehyung’s red-and-white outfit with the suspenders is ridiculous under normal circumstances, with Kim Taehyung and the IDOL MV together, it was somehow an awesome outfit. That’s basically how I felt about 90% of the outfits in the MV.

Yoongi: It’s just a really nice outfit. Is that enough? The color of his scarf is stunning, and he’s got a pretty turquoise shirt that you can see beneath the hemline of his white shirt, and both of those add nice pops of color to an otherwise neutral set of outfits the boys had during these shots.

Jungkook: Jungkook’s hanbok is a revelation, for real. It was so hard to get a screen shot of it, and the one I have doesn’t do it justice at all. The faint red details in the jacket are so pretty, especially when they pop up here and there as Jungkook is dancing. Also, the dandelion print on the pants is beautiful. It’s all-black, so it can kind of look basic depending on the shot, but the accents of the hanbok are stunning when you see them.

Taehyung: Taehyung is the only member who’s suit pants did not match the jacket, and I do not know why, but it kind of looks better than the rest of the suits because of it? Like, Taehyung’s blazer pops more to me because his jacket is the only piece of print he has, and the print is gorgeous. There’s these orange sections on his dress shirt collar, too, that are fun. Also, can you see his shoes in the picture? They’re super cool looking, aren’t they? I’ve no idea what they’re called, but I like them a lot.

Airplane pt.2 - Japanese ver.

The boys’ outfits were so fun in this era. I don’t know what style I should call it, but it’s like summer in Mexico, you know? Anyway, I thought all the members looked really unique in this MV because all the pieces were put together really well. Plus, everything was really sandy in tone, which felt like a solid representation of the song for whatever reason.

Jungkook: Is it the dark red jacket? Is it the weird red-and-brown striped shirt? Is it the white pants? It’s a lot about the white pants, actually. Regardless, I can’t explain why Jungkook’s outfit in the beginning of the MV is so nice to look at, but it is. Is it the--I think they are called--spectator shoes?

Taehyung #2: This looks like a plain outfit, I guess, because it’s almost all white, but the individual pieces are awesome. I can’t tell if Taehyung’s got a white cardigan over a white button down or if it’s the same shirt, but two of them; either way, the layered look came out really well. Also, the hat and the glasses straps are a mood. I think what made me love this outfit as a whole, though, are the pants because, I think they’re silk, and they’ve got blue dots all over them, which I apparently really like.

Taehyung #1: I don’t know why I think of Taehyung’s outfit in the leftmost picture as the outfit that represents this era, but I guess that’s why I like it so much. It’s hard to tell in the photo I have, but the lacy cardigan is so pretty. It almost has a glimmer to it because of the material, so that’s nice, but then there’s the scarf and the tan pants and the moccasin-like shoes, and--listen, this is a good fit, okay?

Boy With Luv

If you’ve made it this far, congrats! You’ve found the only era in which I’ve chosen one member for all three outfits. We’ll talk about that in a minute, but Taehyung was styled so damn well for the Boy With Luv MV. I don’t know why they decided on two seperate styles for the boys that was all-pink and then all-white, but they looked so damn good. Like, their other two sets of outfits were just kind-of-retro-and-goofy randomness, but then they had such strong color themes as well. Whatever; it turned out amazingly.

Taehyung #3: I really couldn’t find a third outfit that I really like for the last slot, but I chose Taehyung’s outfit in the rightmost picture because the light denim, white dress shirt, and white detail on the jacket was simple yet interesting. I don’t know if that’s weird, but the little details like the cuffs of the jacket or the cropped jeans with the detail at the bottom made me love the outfit.

Taehyung #2: I thought I knew this was gonna be my number one, but I digress. I don’t know why the other members were basically just in sweats that looked like pajamas--besides Namjoon, who, for some reason, was in a suit and sweater--for the pink theme, but they put Taehyung in a gorgeous jacket that made him look like the dude that invented sex. Does that make sense? Anyway, the tone of pink for outfit, the tie-dye shirt, and the silk jacket are all iconic.

Taehyung #1: No, but Taehyung’s white suit is so stunning? I don’t think the material is silk, but whatever the name of it is that escapes me right now is gorgeous. It’s got, like, a sheen to it that’s really beautiful. And the fluffy sleeves? Please. They’re such a cool texture, and it makes Taehyung look so elegant. As an aside, they definitely darkened the blue of his hair for the shoot with the white suit, right? Because it looks like they did, and the blue his hair is in the leftmost picture is amazing.

Lights

I mean, this era was basically just clothes the boys already wear rather than costumes for the MV, but I’m talking about it anyway. I guess the idea was for the outfits to be casual but colorful to mimic the message of Lights and the tone of the song.

Jungkook #2: This is yet another case in which I didn’t know what outfit to put in the third slot, so I said, “Hey, Jungkook’s pick jacket is nice,” and I arrived here. I mean, it is a nice jacket. Normally, I don’t like hot pink, but I think since Jungkook’s jeans are light and he’s wearing a light shirt, the jacket almost acts as a dark color and offsets the light pieces.

Jungkook #1: I mean, how do I talk about a simple outfit, you know? It just looks nice. He’s got a blue shirt underneath, so that’s a nice pop of color. I think I mostly like the shirt he has on over his tee because it’s pinstriped, and I like pinstripes. That’s all I got, but I really do like the outfit.

Jimin: Can you say, “This is my favorite outfit because of the jacket?” Good. Genuinely, though, this is the nicest outfit, by far, in the Lights era. The way the color is printed on the black is super interesting because it’s like one long stripe, but the stripe is a bit of a gradient with the black from the rest of the jacket creeping in. I don’t know; I like it more than I probably need to.

ON

We’re going with the main MV, kids, but let the record show that Taehyung’s outfit in the Manifesto Film was bomb as fuck. Actually, they were all bomb as fuck. Anyway, I guess this MV was going for a peasant vibe? I don’t mean that in a rude way, but it’s supposed to be about people fighting their fears, right? So, it makes sense that the concept would be about scruffy characters that stand up and fight. So, yeah; a chic peasant vibe.

Jimin: You can’t at all see it in the picture I have, but the reason I chose Jimin’s outfit is because it has some synching in down the front that looks really cool. I don’t want to say that made my decision, but that one detail turned it from a basic outfit to something that looked a bit more elevated. I mean, it’s the same thing with the boots and the fact that the jacket on top is cropped. Little details matter to me.

J-Hope: It’s a basic outfit, but it doesn’t mean it isn’t cool. I think part of the reason I love it so much is because it’s dirty. Is that weird? It’s an outfit that reminds me of scuffed boots because it’s black but a little mussed. Anyway, the overall affect was awesome.

Taehyung: I think this goes down as an iconic Taehyung look, for me. It’s such a good costume. There were a lot of browns in this MV, so--much like with Hobi’s outfit--the charcoal of Taehyung’s pants stood out a lot to me. He’s also got this grey-white combat boots that stick out so much when they’re on camera. Mostly, though, it’s the vest and shirt that got me wild. The vest is such a nice color, but it’s got that ragged feel, the shirt is ratty and antique looking, and the entire ensemble is a win from head to toe. Including the thorns on Taehyung’s neck because, holy shit, are those the coolest additions to any concept in any BTS era.

Black Swan

I tried so hard to capture these outfits, but you really do need to go look at them yourself to understand how pretty they are. Black Swan has kind of a simple MV if you think about it, but honestly, the wardrobe brings so much life and character to it. In the same way I Need U has the shorts stories in it and IDOL has all the CGI in it, I really think the magic from the Black Swan era has a lot to do with the outfits. Especially considering how well the wardrobe looked in conjunction with the choreography.

Yoongi: This was almost another entirely Taehyung era with Taehyung second all-black outfit, but Yoongi really had a stunning concept for his black swan ensemble. I really love that they put him in boots, and his slacks are really pretty, but the shirt they styled him in is such a good piece. It’s entirely black, but it’s still striped, and the contrast in it is so beautiful to look at.

Taehyung #2: So, Taehyung had the most black showing in his white swan outfit, and I don’t know if that’s because Taehyung was supposed to seem like the member that would transform the fastest or what, but I loved his suit a lot. The jacket is super asymmetrical, as you can see in the photo, and it looks gorgeous during the choreo. Also, underneath his black vest, he’s got this sheer turtleneck that looks absolutely beautiful when you see it up close. Plus, the feather detail on Taehyung’s necklace is really pretty, too.

Taehyung #1: Please go look at the suit in the leftmost picture in the MV because it is stunning. I don’t know anything about who designed it or who put Taehyung in it, but it’s crazy beautiful. Like, his shirt is velvet, I think, which is already an interesting textural piece, but then the suit itself has detail work everywhere. The base material has a sheen to it, but then there’s patches that are glittery and gorgeous, as well, and when the light hits them, they’re so, so pretty. I love, love, love this suit.

Stay Gold

This is another era that’s kind of full of typical outfits, but they’ve got some interesting pieces going on that make the wardrobe for Stay Gold stand out more than in Lights or RUN, for example. Because the MV moves from inside to outside, their main outfits look different in each area since you see them in cool-toned scenes and then warm-toned scenes, which is pretty fun.

J-Hope: I’m sorry these photos show, like, nothing, but let me tell about Hobi’s outfit. So, initially, there’s a blue cardigan on top of Hobi’s other two shirts, and that’s not a piece we need to concern ourselves with. The button down Hobi is wearing is blue primarily but the fabric is plaid at the bottom of one of the sleeves and the shirt, which looks awesome. Plus, his pants are kind of mossy looking, and I think they’re red, as well. I don’t know why that looks so cool to me, but there it is.

Yoongi: Yoongi’s just got a lot of nice layering going on. First of all, the boots are awesome. Secondly, the cut of his pants is really nice, especially since he’s got boots on. The baggy sweater he has on is nice, as well, because of the holes in it--I understand that’s weird--but the part that makes his outfit look awesome to me isn’t even in the photo I was able to get. Yoongi’s got a plaid shirt around his waist that’s, like, sand colored, and it compliments his boots so well. Basically, the outfit was built around the boots, and I vibe with it.

Taehyung: I mean, all Taehyung is wearing is a white shirt, and denim jacket, combat boots, and what I believe are black jeans, but it looks so nice because of the specific pieces they are. For instance, the denim jacket is a really stunning shade that I don’t feel like I see enough, and it worked really well with the black jeans. It’s a simple outfit, but I love it because of the solid elements.

Dynamite

This was, without a doubt, the most interesting era of BTS’s wardrobe. Maybe you’d give that title to IDOL, DNA, or War of Hormone because those outfits were so song-specific, just like Dynamite, but the disco theme on these boys is a cultural reset. I think I can confidently say that, for me, the Dynamite era had the absolute best set of outfits as a whole. Every single era has had an outfit I don’t like, but every outfit in the Dynamite MV was fire.

Yoongi: I mean, look how cute he looks, you know? My man’s got a Space Jam jersey on for fuck’s sake; how can I not include this outfit? Real shit, though, the black and white sweatpants and shirt or whatever it is that Yoongi is wearing is so pretty. Like, the print on it is so pleasing to look at, and the cut and stitching of the top piece is super nice.

Jimin: I struggled between choosing this Jimin outfit and the denim outfit with the rainbow details, but I love Jimin’s bomber jacket so damn much. It looks like candy. Whether you think that’s weird or not is your business, but it’s colorful like candy, and it’s shiny like candy, so that’s what the outfit it. Also, he’s got those jeans on that you can tell are hella expensive because they look really nice, and I like those, too. Just as an aside.

Taehyung: This is the reason I’m making this post. This fucking green suit has lived in my mind rent free since I saw it. Whoever it was that put Taehyung in this suit deserves to rule the world because it’s such a focal piece. Legit, like, you put everyone else in loose shirts and denim, but you put Kim Taehyung in a green suit that makes him look like the richest man alive? How could it not be a focal piece? I could talk about Taehyung’s shoes, I could talk about the tan silk of the vest, I could talk about the striped tie, I could talk about Taehyung stunning blonde hair for this era that makes the outfit and the song even better for days. Just know this look is iconic, and it’s probably my favorite look on this list.

Life Goes On

So, I cheated for this one, but I also kind of didn’t. None of these photos are from the main MV because I couldn’t get good photos of these outfits from the main MV; however, these outfits are actually shown in the main MV, so it’s not really cheating. I just went to the other MV versions to get better pictures of them. Anyway, what a comfy vibe they went for with Life Goes On; I love it a lot since the song is what it is. It’s nice to have MV outfits that represent the song so well and play into how you take in the music.

Yoongi: It’s the pastel cardigan, for me, fam. I mean, obviously, the entire outfit is nice, what with the light wash jeans and the white tee. It’s just that the cardigan adds an interesting piece to it to make it less basic.

Jimin: It’s kind of the same thing with Jimin. Well, Jimin’s also got a bear on his shirt, so that’s adorable. Honestly, the violent green of his sweater is both appealing and not appealing, in a way, but I think that’s why I like it so much. It’s fuzzy and has nice texture to it, as well. Jimin definitely looked the most comfy of all the members in this outfit.

Taehyung: Why I love Taehyung in tan-and-white pajamas, I couldn’t say. I think it’s because the pajamas are already nice and have a nice pattern on them, but then you put a cozy looking cardigan on top of them, and it makes it look even better. Or do I like it so much because the cardigan is a solid color where the pajamas have a pattern? Whatever; Taehyung looks cute. That is all.

Film out

I’ll be honest: this era was hard to choose outfits from because everyone kind of looked the same since everything was almost entirely white sweaters and button downs. The outfits were all nice, it’s just that none of them stuck out that much. I mostly went for the outfits that looked the best as a whole rather than considering the individual pieces.

Jin: Jin looked the most unique out all the members; that’s for sure. I like that he’s wearing black pants, but I also really like the short-sleeve shirt he has on top of his white tee. Rather than it being a plain white outfit, the pants and the stripes made it look a bit more interesting.

Yoongi: Yoongi in a white suit always slaps. I don’t know; I like the suit because it’s not really a real suit. It’s a thinner fabric, so I guess it looks a bit more casual than a usual suit, and I like that a lot. Plus, Yoongi’s got some really pretty white shoes that he wears with it.

Taehyung: Of the sweaters and button downs in this MV, I liked Taehyung’s sweater the best. His is similar to Jungkook’s but Jungkook’s sweater was a bit darker, I think, and I like the shade of Taehyung’s. Plus, Taehyung’s got white shoes and white pants, which make the whole outfit look really beautiful. The textural difference between the pieces makes the difference, I think.

Butter

So, the queen came out and broke records. She also gave me a Taejin goldmine. Y’all, it’s not like the other members aren’t flirty as hell in Butter, but Taejin were absolute other beings. Anyway, I think the boys had something like five outfits for this MV? Mostly suits, but there were two sets of outfits that were odd but also fun. Those ones, I didn’t love, but suits are hard to choose from. These three are the ones that really stuck out.

Taehyung #2: I think it’s the shirt. I cannot, for the life of me, figure out what in the world is on it, but I like the texture. I liked JK’s suit in the beginning, too, but I think I liked the Taehyung’s lighter shirt a lot better. Otherwise, the two are close to the same. Oh, the sunglasses are a vibe, too.

Jin: Why has no one put Jin in yellow before now? Why did take a song about a yellow spread to put Jin in yellow? Honestly, of the yellow-detailed outfits at the end of the MV, I liked Jin’s the best because the yellow was used in a few, small places that popped rather than being too understated or overblown (no offense to Taehyung and Hobi’s yellow jackets). Like, Jin doesn’t have a tie, so it’s not blocking the shirt, the yellow stripes on his pants look so cool when he dances, and the pocket square is a nice detail. So, Jin looks good as fuck in this MV.

Taehyung #1: I was done for the second I saw Kim  Taehyung in a bright orange suit. Taehyung is always the one that gets the suits like this, isn’t he? I mean, he can work it, though. The nude tie was a really gorgeous detail, I thought, because it didn’t retract from the suit at all. I guess the same can be said about the shirt, too. I don’t know, I just really love the entire package of Taehyung’s outfit in the leftmost picture.

Permission to Dance

This was such a cute little music video, and I thought the cowboy/Western theme was super fun since the boys have never done this concept before. I knew what my number one was gonna be from the teaser, but the last two were difficult to pick. I liked Yoongi’s outfit at the end of the MV, and I liked Jungkook’s outfit in the last frame (but there were no close-ups of it, unfortunately). Ultimately, I settled on what I did because I liked the details.

Jin: Sometimes I like simplicity, and Jin’s outfit was simple, but the gold paisley design on his pants--which are leather by the way; I know, absolutely criminal--is gorgeous. I also liked his boots a lot and the fact that his fringe was on his shirtfront pockets.

Taehyung #2: Initially, I had Namjoon’s first outfit in this list, but after watching the Permission to Dance MV way too many times, I ended really loving Taehyung’s all-red outfit. I liked the fringe on the legs, I like the fit of the slacks, I love the cut of the shirt, I love the way they styled this outfit, I like the boots, the accessories are awesome, and this outfit flatters Taehyung so damn much. Basically, even though it’s just red on red, it’s a damn good way to do red on red.

Taehyung #1: This fit is it, fam. It’s it on Taehyung specifically, and it’s it in general. Especially on Taehyung, though. That’s not what this is about. Anyway, the pieces of this outfit are really nice. The hat, surprisingly, fits this particular outfit really well. The denim wash on the shirt and the jeans look really nice together, and all the details--from the rips in the jeans to the bandana at the hips to the belt to the chain--were all things that made me think this outfit was awesome the moment I saw it. Not to mention the boots and accessories.

Alright, that’s it. I don’t know if you actually read this post or just looked at the photos (which, if you did the latter, I’m so sorry for the shitty screenshots.) If you have a favorite outfit, era, or set of outfits, let me know in the replies. And if you know the types of clothes these boys were wearing in any of these photos, I’d be interested in actually knowing what I’m talking about next time I talk about their clothes, so drop me some info. Anyway, thanks for reading!   

[inkwellfire]

Inkwell’s Updated Commission Information

If you’re interested in commissioning me, please email me at juneinkwell@gmail.com, or send me a direct message through Tumblr! -

Please do not request anything that would be considered R-rated. If you’re unsure if I’ll be willing to do what you’d like to commission, please feel free to ask.

All Prices are in USD. Payments can be made through Pay Pal (my paypal.me link), or Square through my Website InkwellArtist.com and in the Commission Me! tab! ^u^ (Note: due to website limitations it is categorized as a ‘donation’. While donations are very welcome, this does not mean payment for a commission is optional).

I ask that payments be made before Line Art is drawn.

Price ranges subject to complexity of expressions/pose. Prices are all Per Character unless otherwise noted Line Art pricing is the Base Price, and all other prices are added upon it.

-

Line Art: Bust: $20 up to $25, Half Body: $22 up to $28, Full Body: $25 up to $30.

Flat Color: additional $10 to line art pricing

Full Color: additional $20 to line art pricing, Color Outline: additional $5

Dynamic Shading: additional $10 to the Whole Artwork (is Not per Character)

Full Color Backgrounds: additional $40 up to $60 to the whole artwork

More Pricing Details/Examples below the Read More

Forgive me Tumblr, for this is Long. Below is pricing details for further background options, animals, icons, art style variations, and- newly added: Comics!! And now: T-Shirts and Stickers! (separate post) As well as a brief explanation to how I work!

Line Art Backgrounds: $20-$45, Flat/Color: additional +$10-$20 to line art pricing, Gradient/Simple Design: $5-$10

Animals: Line art: $10 up to $30, Color: additional $10 up to $25

Icons: $30 up to $55 (use above prices to get an estimate of about how much it would be in terms of complexity), Pride Icon Discount: Save $5! <3

Comics: Character Pricing (based upon most complex pose) + $5-$20 per panel. Background Pricing Per Setting (Not Per Panel) Color prices: Characters Only- +$10-$35 per panel (Not Per Character), Full Color Scene: +$40-60 per panel, Key Object/Characteristic Color: +$5-$10 per panel.

Example: There are 2 characters, with one full body scene of 1 character (25) and one half-body scene of the second (22)- with 4 panels, and one setting (20), the line art would cost $208.

Stylization: Business As Usual (My Style): +$0 (I’ll assume that you’ll want this style unless otherwise noted!), Semi-realism: +$5, Anime: +8, Cartoon: +$5, Realism (Please provide references): +$20-$30 (note: I do not use line-art with the Realism style) Other Styles: feel free to ask!

Other: Feel free to ask about things such as Maps, simple designs, prop design, photo manipulation, gifs/animations/animatics and more! 

---

How it Works:

After I get your message I’ll respond as soon as possible asking you to describe your commission to the best of your ability- if you can, make sure you note if you’d like bust/half/full body lineart, your color preference, and the other important details about what you’d like.

After that I’ll be able to lead you through any additional questions I need in order to get an idea of how complex it is and I’ll be able to do the math to get a preliminary price out there!

After that’s discussed, I’ll be able to provide you with a series of sketches to choose from and work out adjustments if needed! After a sketch is selected and worked with to get a better concept of what you need, I’ll get started on line art! This usually takes me about a day or two for most pieces. Please note you will need to pay for the commission once I get started on line art! I will not begin drawing line art until I have received the payment for the artwork.

After that, it’s mostly a matter of sending you my progress and asking if anything needs adjustment. Feel free to add anything you want! If you find this would change the price of the artwork, I will be very open to discuss it further with you. I’m always hoping to make something *you* want, so never feel bad for asking me to change something.

Everything’s first come- first serve. I’ll try to inform you of how many people are ahead of you and an estimated time-frame of how long it may take me to get to you and/or complete your project.

Thank you!  Feel free to ask any and all questions that come to mind, and I’ll do my best to answer them! There are no bad questions!

- Further Notes/Disclaimers

I may raise the prices upon further discussion should the piece be particularly complex or challenging enough to increase estimated time spent on the project. It is very unlikely I will increase prices above the high-end bracket stated here for any particular project. It’s why I included the ranges in the first place. I want to make this something that is fair to both your budget and my time, energy, and supplies, I’m very willing to help you figure out how I can make something you want within your budget! Low-end bracket non-negotiable. Any price increase above the high-end bracket would be due to a general pricing increase overall.

If you would like to pull out of any projects you must do so before completion. I will provide you with the initial sketch(es) as soon as I complete it. Please inform me then or beforehand if you no longer wish to commission me! For both your own and my sake!

If you wish to pull out of a colored project, and I’ve already completed line art, I ask that you pay for the line art (same with a project with backgrounds or additional characters)

I ask that you only use these commissions for Personal Use unless you talk to me first! If you would like to use my art/designs for Commercial Purposes, you must get my explicit permission. I sign all artwork! If you don’t wish for it to be signed, or would like it to be signed in a particular place/way, please discuss that with me. It is very likely I will post the complete commission to one of tumblr blogs (and/or possibly other social media accounts/website/portfolio). If you would prefer I didn’t, or did so in a particular way, please discuss that with me! That’s it! If you got though this all, I applaud your determination and appreciate your interest! If you still have questions, again, please ask!

[mcmansionhell]

The Brutalism Post, Part One: Introduction

This is part one of a five-part post about Brutalism. 

University of Massachusetts at Dartmouth campus by Paul Rudolph. Photo via Library of Congress

No style of architecture so passionately divides even the most good-natured and level-headed people as Brutalism. The discourse surrounding Brutalism being “good” or “bad” is fierce and polemical. The “for” crowd lobbies on both aesthetic grounds – posting pictures of incredible and obscure structures and saying “I mean LOOK at this” – as well as political ones, citing in particular, how Brutalism was used to house thousands of people during the postwar period. 

On the other hand, the “against” crowd brings up the failed urbanism of Le Corbusier that gave us the freeways and slum clearance that split and displaced entire swaths of city fabric, proclaiming that only architects or architecture enthusiasts like Brutalism, and that this is a testament to how out of touch they are with everyday people. “If you had to live or work in these buildings,” they say, “you’d feel differently.” 

Unité d'Habitation by Le Corbusier. Photo by Thomas Nemeskeri, via Flickr (CC BY-NC-ND 2.0) 

I’ve been a spectator to this debate since I first lurked in the Skyscraper City forums as a high school freshman, ten years ago, when Brutalism itself sparked the interest in architecture that brings me here today. I have, as they say, heard both sides, and when asked to pick one, my response is unsatisfying. Though my personal aesthetic tastes fall on the side of “Brutalism is good,” I think the actual answer is  it’s deeply, deeply complicated. 

Still, what is it about Brutalism that makes it so divisive? Why does a short-lived substyle of modern architecture elicit such vehement passion in so many people? What does it even mean for a style of architecture to be “good” or “bad”? You can see why I’m drawn to finally sitting down and penning this series, which has been simmering at the back of my mind since I started McMansion Hell three years ago. (By the way, Happy Birthday to this blog!!!) 

Brutalism has a special way of inspiring us to ask big and difficult questions about architecture. “Is Brutalism good?” is really a question of “is any kind of architecture good?” - is architecture itself good? And what do we mean by good? Are we talking about mere aesthetic merits? Or is it more whether or not a given work of architecture satisfies the purpose for which it was built? Can architecture be morally good? Is there a right or wrong way to make, or interpret, a building? 

Ferrier Estate, a now-demolished social housing complex in South London. Photo by Tim Slessor via Flickr (CC BY-NC 2.0)  

I have bad news for you: the answers to all of these questions are complicated, nuanced, and unsatisfying. In today’s polemical and deeply divided world of woke and cancelled, nuance has gotten a bad rap, having been frequently misused by those acting in bad faith to create blurred lines in situations where answers to questions of morality are, in reality, crystal clear. This is not my intention here. 

For centuries, the philosophical discipline of aesthetics has tried in vain to articulate some kind of clearly defined standard by which we can delineate whether or not a work of art is good, bad, moral or amoral. Architecture makes this even more complicated because unlike literature, painting, music, or art, we have to live, work, and exist in architecture. Not only does the question of whether or not we can separate the art from the artist exist in architecture, so to do questions of whether or not we can separate the building from the politics, from the culture, from the time period, from the urbanism, from the socioeconomic system, from the entire contents of everyday life in which it exists. 

Orange County Government Center, Perspective Drawing, by Paul Rudolph. Photo via the Library of Congress.

Existential questions aside, there are other reasons to write about Brutalism. First, while we’ve been hemming and hawing about it online, we’ve lost priceless examples of the style to either demolition or cannibalistic renovation, including Paul Rudolph’s elegant Orange County Government Center, Bertrand Goldberg’s dynamic Prentice Women’s Hospital in Chicago, and the iconic Trinity Square, Gateshead complex, famous for the role it played in the movie Get Carter. My hope is that by bringing up the nuances of Brutalism before a broad and diverse audience, other buildings on the chopping block might be spared. 

On an even broader note, I think Brutalism is worth writing about simply because a lot of people are rightly confused as to what it even is.  The common practice of identifying Brutalism by the presence of a material - reinforced concrete - too broadly defines a style that belongs to a specific era and architectural praxis. There are so many buildings and styles called Brutalist that are not Brutalist that I’ve devoted the first two installments of this series to the subject “What Brutalism Is Not,” followed, of course, by “What is Brutalism?” The goal is that these two essays will be educational and interesting (with the added bonus of providing the reader with an arsenal of information that will make them as insufferable at dinner parties as I am.)

The third part in this series is devoted to the people of Brutalism - the architects, politicians, planners, writers, and philosophers, who signed their names to an architectural movement that spanned the globe. Finally, the last installment gathers all this information together and answers the question we’ve all been waiting for: is Brutalism good? 

The Kyoto International Conference Center, designed by Sachio Otani. Photo by Chris Guy, via Flickr. (CC BY-NC-ND 2.0) 

This is a series on Brutalism, but Brutalism itself demands a level of inquiry that goes beyond defining a style. Really, this is a series about architecture, and its relationship to the world in which it exists. Architects, as workers, artists, and ideologues, may dream up a building on paper and, with the help of laborers, erect it in the material world, but this is only the first part of the story. The rest is written by us, the people who interact with architecture as shelter; as monetary, cultural, and political capital; as labor; as an art; and, most broadly, as that which makes up the backdrop of our beautiful, complicated human lives. 

---

If you like this post, and want to see more like it, consider supporting me on Patreon!

There is a whole new slate of Patreon rewards, including Good House of the Week, Crowdcast streaming, and bonus essays!

Not into recurring donations or bonus content? Consider the tip jar! Or,Check out the McMansion Hell Store ! 100% of the proceeds from the McMansion Hell store go to charity!

Copyright Disclaimer: All photographs are used in this post under fair use for the purposes of education, satire, and parody, consistent with 17 USC §107. Manipulated photos are considered derivative work and are Copyright © 2019 McMansion Hell. Please email kate@mcmansionhell.com before using these images on another site. (am v chill about this)

[sparklingpax]

Y E S id LOVE to see how you draw The Boi!!

I think you’re referring to when I posted about asking if anyone wanted me to put out a tutorial about anything so....ok! :D

Your wish is my command~

///

Uhh so for y’all other artists or people who might also see this, disclaimer again that I’m not  a professional so pls pls pls dont come at me if you see mistakes...which there are mistakes...like I’m 99.9% sure some of this isn’t really “symmetrical” or its warped weirdly because I Suck at perspective and I’m still learning! :’) 

The point of this tutorial thing is just to show my general process of how I draw Optimus (a headshot of him, just his head and neck, to be specific; his body is another, longer story o//o’’) and others’ execution of it can definitely vary. I mostly just showed the steps in which I completed the different parts of his helm. 

Which I’d also like to add that I’m an Idiot and forgot to record my screen so instead I took photos of the different compeleted steps after drawing the whole thing O//////o’’ but anyway......I do still hope this maybe sorta helps....^^’’ 

///

1.) Sketching; I like to draw a human head actually (same goes for body; I’ll start with a human form as the sketch and then do a second sketch of the armor over it before I start lining; and those dont include other sketches I do over those to clean them up....^^’’)

2.) Cleaner, More Specific sketch; This is the last sketch before lineart where I place things and color the lines so I get an idea of what the final product might look like...if I end up doing it right! I try to place everything that should be in the final, so before this are other sketches....but this is the last one. Ok. Moving on--

3.) Crest; this can move around a lot while lining the rest of the helm as you may find you’ve centered it incorrectly...or at least...that’s what happens to me...but nonetheless, I begin with the crest~

And a note about how I make it: I use the line tool to make the shape, duplicate the shape, make that one smaller, fill it in completely, then take the eraser and turn the canvas so I can erase in the lines. When you finish, it’ll look like a grill of sorts (is that the term??? O///O’’) and it saves the trouble of extra lineart,,,idk call me lazy but it looks good in the end,,,, ^^’’

4.) Top of his helm; When I draw this the first time, I close up the bottoms so I can clean them up later when I draw the other parts of his head, but as I said above, by this point I’d already finished the drawing so that’s why it looks like that, but basically, that blue part of his helmet goes next! :D I also try to do extra lines as I go along so I don’t forget later...^^’’

5.) Add in the audio receptors + Side face-plate things!! Preferably, start with the receptors, then do the side thingies. And for the grill on those, take your line tool and draw in a rectangle that follows the shape at the top but is straight on the bottom and fill it in. Then, erase the same amount of times on each side to create the same look~ Obviously, be neater than me...since this example here is kinda lopsided....but I suppose you probably get the idea.. :’3 

6.) Draw in the blue plating on his face, then the chin on a separate layer below, and on yet another layer, add the tiny blue things at the bottom. Clean up the chin lines that cross into the blue plating spaces, and that should give you this step! If that,,,makes any sense? If my rambles make it confusing, just look at the final result here and compelete the three components on three separate layers so it’s easier for you. Also, when you’re done with that, combine the side blue plating and the chin bits so you have less layers to go through in the end...if you wanna...

7.) As for the antennae things, use the line tool for sure, and erase or change the brush size up so you can play with line-weight...and again call me lazy but you can combine them when you’re done cleaning them up (again, I reccommend putting each one of these on a separate layer first so you can clean them up individually and then combine to one) and duplicate the layer for the other side. For front view, literally just flip it so it’s symmetrical, for 3-quarter, you might need to use your “transform” (hahah lol) tool to fix it a bit. Or just draw the new side in, either way, that completes step 7.

8.) Neck!! Now this wasn’t a more “serious drawing” or anything, so I kinda made a neck shape and drew in random cables and lines so it looks complicated but it’s actually not....tbh when you do draw him, you can kind of do that because ultimately, the shades of black used to color his neck area are dark enough to conceal what exactly was drawn in there so it’s not the most important thing in the world...since you’ll see there’s lining in there but it’s too hard to make out what exactly....basically, from afar, having all this “complication” will give the look that he has a complex neck area, with all these cables and wires and it looks alien! And that’s exactly what you should go for without needing to make it too hard for yourself. I remember someone told me once that in a lot of art, especially art displayed on social media or that kind of thing, you wanna focus on details but not too much; always do a double-take to see what it looks like as a thumbnail so you won’t end up stressing over every tiny miniscule detail. Idk but it seems like good advice~ 

9.) Eyes/mouth; For the eyes the only thing I wanna say is that I make a shape and fill it in. I know he has other little details surrounding his optics, but for the sake of showing you how I do this in my lil style, I like to simplify it by just making the shape and filling it in, then duplicating the layer and “gaussian blurr-ing” it so it has a softer look. The mouth is...the mouth. Do with it what you shall~

10.) Optics! The blue part! The most fun part in my opinion! I actually have a more “complicated” (not really lol) version of his eyes which I use if I’m going to color the piece or do something more “serious,” so this here’s the simplified version. Like I said with his eyes, I like to keep it simple when it comes to his eyes, since idk it just...looks good to me ^^’’ I take the pen tool and draw in two circles, ovals, whatever the shape is supposed to be. I do not use the circle tool because it feels a little.....stiff..? Idk ^^’’ But anyway, then I duplicate the layer, gaussian blur, and combine both. Another thing I like to do is change the first layer (the one that didn’t get the blur) from “normal” to “Add (Glow)” ((as it’s written in Clip Studio settings, that is)) and mess with that a little, THEN combine these layers. The last part is adding your shine bits; just take your white pen and go wild, and if you wanna, do the whole “duplicate, blur, combine” thing with the shine bits as well; it adds to the look~ 

And ofc, take away the sketch layer (but don’t delete it, just in case you need it! ^w^)

I have another process for coloring....but I didn’t include it since it’s fairly simple ^^’’

Unless you wanna see that too....but for now.....I hope you could get something out of this tutorial here! Sorry it was so long!! 

I also just realized I forgot his eyebrows, but you can add those in along with the eyes/mouth step if you don’t forget like I did...idk, for this particular look it seems not to take so much away from the drawing but....I should have remembered ahh--

Anyway! Thanks so much for asking!! And thanks to all of y’all for reading/looking through all this!! <3 

See ya around~

-Kuni :D 

[neoniverse]

heal me. | prologue

disclaimer: this series is a work of fiction. any businesses, events or incidents are products of my wide imagination. all of the character’s personality does not reflect and has nothing to do in real life.

warnings: smut, angst, usage of strong language, mild violence, mentions of death, alcohol & drugs, cheating issues and lots of flashbacks (read each chapter carefully)

pairings: jung jaehyun x reader

a/n: this chapter is a prologue. a flashback is included. next update’s timeline is present. please, always start reading at prologue! ;) HEAL ME is the first installation of Ego Series.

CHAPTER I »

“Tell that man to change this. His ideas are trash.”

You pushed the stacked papers back to your secretary’s hands, she nodded and left your office. Your eyes immediately rolled out of annoyance.

“Those eyes of yours couldn’t really find any habit except rolling them, eh?”

Johnny Seo. Sitting pretty at the grey sofa in front of you, sipping on his hot coffee and reading a newspaper.

“Plus, If I were Jaehyun, I’d absolutely cancel this project if you will keep on giving that attitude towards me.”

“Be your cousin then. So I don’t have to see his cheater ass,” You massaged the bridge of your nose.

You heaved an annoyed sigh and continued signing some papers for the construction of Neocity Incorporation’s 33rd branch. Or that is what Johnny told you before.

“Oh, feisty,” He chuckled. “Just so you know, Y/N, you sound and act so bitter. May I remind you that it has been exactly two years ago since the two of you— broke up.”

Johnny walked towards your desk and placed his hands on top of it, then leaned. “Thanks for the coffee, babe. As much as I want to stay, I have to catch up something.”

He winked at you and clicked his tongue. Johnny often calls you ‘babe’, or rather, to everyone. So it’s not much of a big deal to you.

The following days was so quiet, which you find odd, honestly. It’s like something is coming and you have no idea how to stop it. Jaehyun also kept sending you new plans for the building construction.

After his sixth email, you approved it. You also agreed to his email regarding a further meeting to their office.

“Act professional, Y/N. Don’t let yourself slip.” You remind yourself while fixing your black silk dress that ended just above your knees. You also let your long brown wavy hair down and added a minimal make-up.

Neocity Inc.’s main office is the highest among all of its branches. It has 25 floors and each is for a particular field to their business. The ambiance inside and outside never failed to amaze your eyes even when you went there numerous times already.

They changed the color accents. You thought to yourself before entering the elevator.

You hear the elevator’s faint “ding!” that you’re on the 25th floor already. A blonde lady from the reception desk stood up and gave you a warm smile.

“Good morning, Miss Y/N! You just arrived on time.”

She then led you to the conference room. The whole floor is so quiet, only the loud clicking of your high heels to the marble tiles can be heard. The place seemed to be different from your last visit. They had white walls before, but now, they changed it to glass panes.

“Please wait here for a second.” She entered the room then went back outside afterwards.

“Mr. Jung will be seeing you now.”

You gave her a small smile then pushed the long vertical steel handle. You were a bit surprised to see Jaehyun alone inside. He was sitting at the other side of the wide frosted glass table. You sat at the other end and placed the folders you brought on the table.

“Good morning, Y/N.”

“Likewise, Mr. Jung.”

“I heard from John-”

“Cut the chase. Business please.”

Jaehyun heaved a deep sigh. You weren’t cold at him like this before.

Things wasn’t like this.

“Just tell me the truth, Jaehyun! Please?” You shouted. Vases, picture frames, and other stuff in the living room are either scattered or shattered.

“Did you fucking cheat on me, or not?”

You need answers. Answers that will complete to your dying questions.

“I-I...” He ran his fingers to his brown fluffy hair. “Fuck, baby. I don’t know.”

The room fell into the oblivion of tranquility. Jaehyun stared at you with tired and bloodshot eyes. His white dress polo is wrinkled, three buttons are left unbuttoned.

“How.. can you do this to me? How did your guts take this shit? I healed you when you were broken! When you felt the world was against you.”

“But I didn’t know you could also be the reason for me to break myself.”

You felt your heavy heart sank. Remembering the photo of him, smiling so widely and his hand, resting on a girl’s thigh. You thought he wouldn’t do that.

I didn’t think he’s capable of doing that.

“Her name is Chaewon, right?” You sat beside him. Jaehyun locked gazes with you, fresh hot tears are starting to form again in your eyes.

“Baby, please,” He pleaded. “I don’t know her. I can’t remember shit from that night.”

You gave him a faint smile.

Jaehyun Jung has been the best man for you. Or at least, to everyone. He’s handsome, kind, sexy, and ruthless. Perfect, to be honest. But on top of all that, you know he won’t cheat. Even if girls flock in front of him. He’s a loyal man after all.

But when you saw the photo, the loyal and perfect Jaehyun you once knew became nothing but a cheater. You wiped your tears and went back to the room you and Jaehyun shared. Memories started to flash in your mind.

“Look at those city lights,” He hugged you tight from the back, making you giggle. “They shine but you shine brighter.”

He slowly swayed your body, following the rhythm of the music of his favorite band playing in the room.

Cigarettes After Sex.

You held his arms that are warpped around your waist. “I didn’t know you’re this cheesy enough, Jaehyun Jung.”

He let out a sexy chucke to your left ear and rested his chin to your shoulder. “Hmm? I’m always cheesy when it comes to you,” He whispered. “I love you, my future Y/N Jung. Don’t leave me, alright?”

“I won’t, Jae. And that’s a promise I’ll never break.”

He created circles from your stomach to your breasts, making you slightly moan. He then pushed you to the glass window and crashed his lips to yours. Hungrily. Jaehyun turned his head to the side and capture your lips. He smirked.

You painfully smiled at the scene you recalled then grabbed your duffel bag. Jaehyun immediately stood up when he saw you carrying your bag.

“Y/N, baby, I’m sorry. P-please don’t leave me.”

“Jaehyun, stop it.”

“You promised me you won’t leave me,” Tears started falling from his eyes as he shakingly held both of your cold hands. “You promised!”

You shook your head no. It wasn’t a promise at all.

“Promises are meant to be broken, Jae.”