#Crunchbite

[rvbshipbrackets]

There's so many Tucker ships, lets narrow them down:

Because there's so many, more than one will probably make it through, unless the skew of votes is especially devastating

[correctrvbquotes]

Cut to a swamp where Tucker, Caboose, Andy, and Crunchbite are

Andy: Alright. This, is the Great Swamp. We can rest here a while before we move on.

Tucker: Yeah, let's rest in a swamp, that makes sense.

Andy: Save your energy Tucker, you're gonna need it.

Tucker: Aw screw that. So far this quest is a fuckin' breeze. I've already killed a dead monster. What's next, we gonna open an unlocked door? Rescue a Princess from herself?

Andy: Hey, Caboose. What's wrong?

Caboose: I think something is following us.

Andy: Yeah. It's been on us since we left. Part of the prophecy talks about something evil that tries to take the Great Weapon.

Tucker: You mean my awesome dead monster killing weapon? It can have it.

Andy: It's attracted to it. It can't live without it.

Tucker: That doesn't sound good. Hey Caboose, come here and hold my sword.

Andy: It's okay, we got a plan. We can make camp, and then we'll tell ya about it.

Caboose: I love camping!

Fade out, then back in. Tucker is asleep and snoring.

Tucker: (snore) ...twins... hm, huh? Hey, guys? Andy? ...Caboose? Alien thing? ... ...Guys? Anybody?

The whatever it is that's following them slowly sneaks up on Tucker as he says this.

Andy: Now Caboose!

The Alien: WHARRRRRG!

Crunchbite jumps on it and starts pummeling it.

Andy: We got it!

Caboose: Is it safe to come out yet?

Andy: Caboose, you were supposed to help.

Caboose: I was helping watch.

Andy: What if somethin' had happened?

Caboose: I'm sure I would have seen it.

Tucker: Hey what the hell, where did you guys go?

Andy: We laid a trap.

Tucker: A trap? You left me all alone!

Andy: Heh heh heh, you can't have a trap without bait!

Tucker: I was the bait?

Caboose: I thought you did a very good job.

Tex: Get off of me you stinky idiot!

Tucker: Tex?

Tex: This is some greeting. I come to help you guys and ya ambush me.

Andy: You weren't comin' to help, you were comin' to steal the sword!

Tex: No I wasn't. I was coming to steal your reward.

Andy: There is no reward. The reward is the sword.

Tex: Oh. Thennn yeah, I guess I'm here to steal the sword.

The Alien: Hurn, blarrr.

Andy: Oh yeah yeah, and also the salvation and emancipation of his species for all eternity.

Tex: Tell you what. I'll go fifty fifty. You keep the emancipation, and I'll keep the sword.

The Alien: Hurhonk?

Andy: Deal.

Tucker: What do I get?

Tex: You get to live, but no guarantees.

Tucker: That's not a reward for me, that's a reward for all the fine ladies in the universe.

Tex: I'm a woman, and somehow... I don't feel any luckier.

Tucker: I said fine ladies.

Andy: What do you want, Caboose?

Caboose: (deep, serious voice) I want a pony.

[glitterdragonthegreatprotector]

Finally finished it

[grif-hawaiian-rolls]

My hobby is making hyperspecific memes about things i cannot figure out how to format into a better post

[asphodeldreams]

something i love about engaging rvb fans on tumblr/through the survey is that now i have people confessing their rvb sins to me. like your favorite antagonist in the show is crunchbite (the alien that got tucker pregnant)? fuck yeah dude, that rules. you think the chorus trilogy is the worst story arc of the show? i am SEATED pls tell me more!!! your favorite season of the WHOLE show is season 19, the finale? WHO ARE YOU I WANNA KNOW YOUR REASONSSSS

[rvb-relationship-royale]

RvB Friendship Fray- Round One, Part One, Poll Twenty-Two

[uglybumbo]

Okay, so, um, Tucker is a fighter. Uh, Crunchbite is the healer, and I am the powerful.... and intelligent.... wizard....

Morphu-max.

[specialofficerlemons]

Rewatching season 4 and Tex is (jokingly) revealed to be a monsterfucker

[peachybutch]

they call me nonsense edits arizona

[ancient-romes]

Finding the panel where Miles acknowledges that Tucker was taken advantage of by Crunchbite and Burnie refuting it by saying Tucker "can't be taken advantage of" and then seeing how Tucker was treated in restoration like......i am connecting the dots and i do not like it

[slyvester101]

After everything that happened with Crunchbite (the bastard) and Junior’s probably horrific and painful birth, I imagine Tucker is more than a little wary about letting strangers near him.

He gets this hollow feeling in his gut when he’s around people he doesn’t know, gets an itch in his skin if he’s touched by someone he doesn’t trust. His throat tightens and his heart squeezes and his hands shake. He’s not able to sleep well around strangers, has to keep his back to the wall or else he’s waking every five minutes to make sure no one’s snuck up behind him.

He spends his whole diplomacy curled up in a ball in the corner of his room with Junior tucked under his chin, keeps his distance from the soldiers stuck on his missions and keeps them away with sharp smiles and horrible flirting that would make anyone cringe away.

At the desert temple, when he’s all alone with nothing but hostiles banging on the door, Tucker laments in how much he misses touch, misses the freedom of being able to hug someone without fear of harm, of being able to know if a touch was friendly or manipulative. He misses Blood Gulch. He misses blue team. He misses his son.

Even after Sidewinder, Tucker still isn’t in the clear, isn’t allowed some respite with his team because the latest member is yet another Freelancer who was chasing to kill them not even less than twenty-four hours ago.

His skin is buzzing the whole time they’re being shown around their new base by Caboose, his heart not settling despite the action being long over, his brain screams as someone grabs his shoulder. He screams out loud too, it seems, because the hand is pulling back quickly and a soft apologetic voice is echoing through his head.

“Are you okay?”

“Don’t fucking touch me, asshole.” Tucker all but hissed before he stormed away, unwilling to let this new prick see the way his hands shake and the way his face has gone pale.

He hates it. He hates it. He hates how he can’t even stand close to the fucker without feeling ill, can’t help but track his every movement and every word for some kind of malice or cruel intent.

He finds none.

He’s kind to Caboose, politely nodding along to whatever he rants about and keeping him out of trouble with much kinder words that Church was probably physically incapable of speaking. He’s kind to Tucker even though he’s been nothing but a paranoid asshole the whole time they’ve been at Valhalla, never taking offense to the distance Tucker puts between them and respecting whatever lines Tucker draws.

It takes a long time for him to feel comfortable enough to let Washington touch him, not quite as long to start giving him shit like he would’ve with Church. Slowly and cautiously, they fall into a groove that’s uniquely theirs and Tucker feels like he can finally breathe in his own goddamn house.

His trust in Wash is cemented when Carolina comes into the picture and constantly steps in as a barrier between the two, Washington knowing that Carolina would try to scruff or yank Tucker around for his big mouth and that Tucker would probably rip her hand off if she tried. He’s the only reason the two aqua soldiers don’t kill each other. That fact becomes undoubtedly true when Wash choses Tucker over Carolina, pointing his gun at her as she threatens Tucker.

Caboose was always a steady presence to the chaos in his head, the gentle giant sometimes being the only reason Tucker didn’t fall apart at the seams while he cried his fears into his chest, but Wash is a different kind of support that Tucker didn’t know he needed, one he doesn’t think he’s ever had.

It doesn’t stop him from getting that itch in his skin when he’s surrounded by strangers, it doesn’t stop the sick feeling he gets when he wakes up from a nightmare, it doesn’t make everything better.

But Tucker thinks, kind of incredulously, that maybe he can finally be safe with these two by his side. Maybe, just maybe, he can really let his guard down and have someone else watch his back.

Maybe he can finally let someone in.

[correctrvbquotes]

Cut back to the Blues... except for Simmons

Tucker: Oh-hohohoh, man. I'm gonna die.

Alien: Blargh arg-honk, largh, lwargh.

Caboose: What's he saying now Andy?

Andy: Look guy, if you want me to translate for ya, you can't keep asking me every four seconds, what's he sayin' now Andy, what's he sayin' now? I'm gonna tell you what he's sayin', that's my freakin' job!

Caboose: That's what he said? That's a weird thing to say. Uh, tell him I said okay, I will not ask any, more of uh... that and also, no.

Church: I think I need a translator just for Caboose.

Alien: Wuarrrrgh!

Andy: Okay basically he's uh, he says he's pissed off.

Church: Oh rea- yea- no kidding. Tex, are we paying for this service?

Tex: Just give him a chance.

Alien: Blargh, largh, wahublargh.

Andy: He says he came to claim some type of thing, and that the teal one took the thing...

Alien: Blarg blaargh.

Andy: And that now the thing is gone.

Tucker: Who's the teal one?

Tex: You are, idiot.

Tucker: No way, I'm aqua. Teal's out.

Church: That thing that he's talkin' about must be that sword, and it's not broken it's right there.

Alien: Argh blargh!

Andy: He says it only works with the hero who passes the trial of the windmill, and retrieves it from his resting place. For everyone else, it might as well be broken.

Tex: Uh oh.

Tucker: Trial? Please, I fell in a hole, that's not a trial. I'm startin' to like this culture though, any dude who trips is a hero. I'm pretty sure that makes Caboose God.

Church: This all sounds like bullshit to me.

Tex: No he's right. It didn't work for me, remember?

Church: Of course it didn't work for you, you're a girl. Means you can't even work the entertainment center back at the base. Doesn't mean the remote control is mythically attached to us.

Tex: Alright then you little smartass, you pick it up and try it.

Church looks at the sword, then at the alien.

Alien: (silently chuckling) Hur hur hur hur.

Church: Nah, I'll take his word for it.

Alien: Blargh blurg blabu blarg.

Andy: And now you gotta go with him, to fulfill the prophecy.

Tucker: Fuck you.

Alien: Blar blarg blargh, hnnk hnnk!

Andy: Heh heh heh, good one. Uh oh yeah, he... he's not too thrilled about it either.

Tucker: See I knew this was a bad idea. Sorry to fuck up your quest, dude, but I'm not goin'.

Andy: Aaand if you don't go, he'll destroy the base, and kill everybody here.

Church: ...Alright well have fun guys.

Tex: Hey a quest sounds fun, come on Tucker!

Andy: Aheh, I think he should stay here, 'cause, I like that killin' everybody option.

[glitterdragonthegreatprotector]

Another wip, just need the wisemen

[leonardalphachurch]

tucker and his betrayals….. ct.. felix…temple… he swingin thru it all

literally every one of tuckers arcs is punctured by him being betrayed and his trust broken. crunchbite? like he didn’t super trust him but still. betrayal. ct? that shit is PERSONAL. betrayal. felix? temple? obvious. hell man fucking. church? leaving him behind? how is that not a betrayal. we can go even further back. his very first major plot moment was discovering that they were being lied to by command about the nature of the red vs blue battles. betrayal! flowers? never an active moment of betrayal but he sure was playing with his trust! epsilon blows up in his head and leaves him to get fucked by sigma. he gets introduced to wash at the end of his “betraying the reds and blues” arc so he doesn’t get personally fucked by wash but like. he still killed the alpha… god. is caboose the only person close to him who never massively broke his trust. and yet he keeps trusting people. he’s so vulnerable man. man. head in hands.

[grif-hawaiian-rolls]

Anyways the “essay” about the energy sword to character development pipeline below the cut

Ok so like yea tucker-crunchbite-junior is, obviously, the first instance of the sword-quest-companion theme/trio that im like, rattling in my head rn

Tucker finds the sword, crunchbite shows up and theres the “quest” that challenges tucker both in the false intent (you need to be the hero) and the true intent (SA leading to Junior which is not handled well but it IS important) which is a push against tucker’s character thus far in that he’s the comic relief, make everything a sex joke archetype— he doesnt take it seriously, he doesnt see himself as important beyond getting just enough recognition to be “hot” and now he’s made to be the so called “hero” and the true plot puts him in the one position that he probably never thought could be him. Bc he wants to get laid so… yeah. Pushes his character if you give it like three seconds of critical thinking and not just the standard “haha alien baby bullshit” (that said, i do enjoy fics that explore crunchbite more and play with the potential of the “joke” shitty character into someone less sinister, but im doin my best to stick to canon rn)

And JUNIOR, oh man, because theres the thing that really solidifies this for me like

The dude who doesnt care doesnt bother is all jokes and ‘man whatever’ energy is a dad, and it starts with him trying to avoid it but he really fucking quickly steps the FUCK up for Junior and its the start of his development that people are like “oh he learns to be a leader on chorus” which i mean kinda yeah but he never struck me as a Leader even on Chorus even tho he does decidedly lead, its not the same as when kimball leads or when wash leads or carolina

He’s leads as a dad bc he is a dad

Not always a good one, but he’s trying and yea sometimes that means being the asshole, sometimes that means screwing up but it also means you fucking care and you take responsibility and you put yourself in danger first (the rescue mission, leaving the lieutenants behind)

And that doesnt start on chorus! Its the most evident there sure but

it starts with junior

It starts with him going after tex to protect his son, it starts with him trying to be a diplomat so they stay together, in sending junior away so he is safe while tucker buys time protecting the temple, it STARTS with him looking at church and going “leave my kid out of this” and yeah the way rvb was written and approached does Not take that seriously bc it wouldnt and if it did it would be a very different show but the implications are there and its acknowledged with tucker’s photograph of junior with his 5th grade basketball team (“i know right? Who carries actual pictures anymore” -tucker) which i could go on about THAT too but suffice to say its very clear that tucker cares so gd much about his kid and yeah his character development isnt super linear but you can basically pinpoint when it starts with the sword and junior

The second run of this trio of things is actually grif which is admittedly, a stretch, a big ol reaching for straws (okay, TECHNICALLY grif is the third run, but i’ll address that in a minute) largely a stretch bc grif… does the pattern backwards

This IS S16 stuff so if ur a shisno paradox hater i respect that, i however am gnawing on it with everything i have and will be going feral so this is your warning thank u for reading the tucker side of it mwah appreciate ya

Anyways

Grif does his plot backwards during timetravel shenanigans

He gets the alien companion/friend who contrasts his character first in Huggins

Grif is a loyal friend, but he is lazy, even after s15’s breakdown and apparent change of tune, he’s still looking to take the path of least resistance, avoiding the call, trying to keep things from moving

Enter Huggins: zippy, full of energy, excitable and just so different in that she is not only so proactive she puts herself in danger (which helps everyone in the long run/plot but its the principle) but shes so fucking lonely

As far as she knows, her family is dead, except for muggins who is so dettached from her, he might as well be a coworker and not her brother

Compared to grif, who has a family even when he tries to push them away (the reds, the blues, KAIKAINA) but hates taking action

Huggins is the start for grif’s arc of “it sucks but someones gotta do it” which in their case is best shown as the trudge across the bottom of the english channel which is so fucking funny to me but it really pushes both of them and puts them firmly in the friends category

Huggins cant zip ahead without grif, grif cant stop moving because huggins wont let him, so they find their little balance of gas vs brakes and together they cruise along p well

The actual push of the “quest” is grif having to be the one who steps up (kinda like tucker but its to the left) he’s the one who starts getting everyone together again across the timeline, even if he is very,,,

Well he’s very Grif about it, but it is still fundamentally, the change in character

Tucker isn’t a always good dad, Grif isn’t always a good instigator of action

But theyre trying and theyre working on it and grif’s arc suffers a Little from being so late in the show and thus not having much of a parallel to pull on but you could argue he gets the parallel from s15 anyways with the refusal of the call (from fake church/loco) and rescue mission but i hesitate to call that a parallel bc its literally back to back but an argument could be made for it which i love

Enter part two: the alien quest giver

“Wait wasnt that huggins”

NOPE huggins was alien companion! The Bestie in grif’s case,

The alien fetch quest comes from atlas, in that stupid wishing sequence but cmon it wouldnt be rvb if the character development wasnt sandwiched inbetween obnoxious gags and stupidity

The quest is less important here admittedly bc again, with grif doing this in reverse its not the challenge to his principle character that it was for tucker, his connection to huggins was the challenge, and this becomes the final push into the development, the “you have a role, now play it” that gives grif the final shove into Doing Things literal!! And his prize? For this character development arc? An alien sword

And thus the inverse version reaches an end, sort of (im pissed that technically he loses his sword, im also ignoring that he loses it in canon bc he fucking earned it okay this is a bit of canon i will ignore and loophole my way around it)

And now we track back to Chorus and to the second iteration of the sword-quest-companion plot

Locus

Now okay i will admit this is conjecture and pepe-silvia-on-corkboard-with-red-string fuckery at this point but hear me out okay!

He gets the sword with Felix’s death. We know this. What we dont know is how the fucking hell he gets off Chorus! We just see him show up later with A’rynasea. The vaguely alien (maybe sentient?? AI? Its implied with the way he addresses her but we literally have her for like two episodes) ship that seems to be the driving force (literal) (bc shes his ship) behind his chosen redemption arc where he pushes himself to help others at no apparent benefit to himself, but because it is, and i quote “the right thing to do”

Arguably, Santa could be Locus’ quest giver, seeing as how he is the one who triggers the whole shift in view for Locus in the first place and that is, technically, what crunchbite does and what atlas finalizes for grif! But the problem is we simply dont have enough of A’rynasea to draw the parallel between her and Locus as personalities, as companions for it to work for me??? But that might just be me overthinking? But it does make Locus’ version is a bit messier depending on who you consider his quest-giver but as far as I’m concerned, he’s still on his quest snd its just up to interpretation if A’rynasea is his companion?? or if theres a secret third alien for Locus that we never wouldve seen even if they planned for that bc its red vs blue and im just delusional about locus and his role in plot and this is just me firing concepts blindly into the sky at this point like - yeah i could still theorize what kind of companion characterization i think locus would work well with bc its more about the wielder than the companion in this sense (sorry junior and huggins i love yall i promise) but thats a completely separate rant at this point and not nearly coherent enough at this exact moment to add it PLUS its ridiculously self indulgent and only marginally canon compliant/adjacent but i will never not be amused by this very specific plot beat happening enough to draw these parallels, as tenuous and vague as the parallels are