#Creation by Jenn

[floristusa]

Winter Wedding Flowers in Camden by Creations by Jenn

Creations by Jenn brings the magic of winter to your wedding with exquisite floral arrangements in Camden. Our winter wedding flowers are crafted to capture the season’s elegance, from delicate whites to rich, frosty hues. Let us create the perfect floral backdrop that reflects your unique love story. For unforgettable winter wedding blooms, trust Creations by Jenn.

[jennakittykats-blog]

Ouch by Just Jenn

In shadows cast by love's deceit,

A friendship's bond, so strong and sweet.

From childhood days, we laughed and played,

But destiny's twist, a price was paid.

As time unfurled its cruel design,

My heart, entangled, sought a sign.

In silence, longing held its sway,

Yearning for love's warm embrace to stay.

Yet fate, unkind, dealt its cruel blow,

Rejection's sting, a bitter woe.

The depths of darkness now I tread,

Where love's illusion has turned to dread.

The moon weeps tears of sorrow's plight,

As stars bear witness to this night.

A friendship  a heart hurting

Alone I find myself still yearning.

The echoes of our laughter fade,

In haunted halls, our memories played.

A phantom's touch, a whispered name,

Love's ghostly specter, hauntingly remains.

I mourn the loss of what could be,

A love unrequited, never set free.

In this dark abyss, I find my rest,

A shattered heart, a love's cruel test.

But still, I hold our friendship dear,

Through pain and longing, I persevere.

For in the depths of this abyss,

A glimmer of hope, a lingering bliss.

Though rejected, love's flame still burns,

In secret chambers, my heart yearns.

For even in darkness, love's light will shine,

A testament to a love once mine.

So I'll cherish the echoes of what we had,

A bittersweet love that turned me mad.

In this dark romantic tale I dwell,

A fallen love, a story to tell.

[starfishjls]

Happy 34th birthday 🎂 #Taylorswift

[pop-philosophy101]

Sprawling Immediate Thoughts on Agatha All Along Episode 5 (spoilers duh)

Well, so like obviously that wasn’t Agatha’s trial, right? Like, so sorry, but the 80’s sleepover goosbumps aesthetic doesn’t exactly scream Agatha Harkness to me. You know who it does scream? Billy Maximoff, a boy born in his mother’s 80’s sitcom creation. Even the decorations on the walls of the cabin say “Westview” and “Eastview.” Agatha sure as hell doesn’t give a damn about Westview. This isn’t the trial adapting for her, it’s adapting for the newest member of the coven. Teen finally got his bonafides as a coven member once he exchanged brooms with Alice. (Put a pin in what Agatha said about the brooms representing selflessness).

Then when solving the trial there is major structural changes. In the first trial the key to the solution was tied to Jenn’s fall from grace. The trial is essentially calling her out for her terrible morals in business because she feels powerless since being bound. She feels like nothing she does matters anymore, so who gives a damn if there’s petroleum in the Goop. Then in Alice’s trial the entire solution was embracing her mother’s love and sacrifice, something she’s been rejecting out of fear and anger. In this trial, there is no solution for Agatha. She can’t go back and change the past, she can’t reason with her mother, she can’t fight back. Agatha has no recourse with a woman who believes she was born evil. Agatha is powerless; she’s a puppet in this game. You know who does have power in the episode titled “Darkest Hour/Wake Thy Power”? TEEN!

Furthermore, I don’t think this trial is over. We know that when Agatha has siphoned power it becomes purple, she even says to Rio “Let me get my purple back.” But we see when she leaves the treehouse, Alice’s power is still orange. This indicates to me that the power isn’t actually Agatha’s, this is all still part of the trial.

Obviously part of the episode is about Agatha confronting her past, because that’s what the whole show has been about. But even more specifically this episode was about Teen/Billy finding his power. Back to that pin about the brooms symbolizing selflessness now. Teen confronts Agatha outside asking her if this is all witchcraft is. The hunt for power and the selfish pursuit of desire at the cost of everyone else. Sure, that could be about Agatha, but you know who it fits better? Wanda. Even without malicious intentions, Wanda did enslave an entire town in a torturous mind prison so she wouldn’t have to confront the reality that Vision was dead. Even after realizing this, she’s tempted to keep Westview this way so she can keep her perfect life. In MoM she is willing to destroy anyone in the hunt for her children. She let’s her rage guide her to cruelty and destruction. Wanda is meant to be the hero, but she knowingly traps Agatha into a mind prison with no escape for over three years. When Agatha goads Teen into finally revealing his true identity we see he gives in to his mother’s own worst instincts. He controls those around him when he feels like he can’t control his own life. He is calmly cruel to enemies and allies alike. I think the end of his trial will be rising above Wanda’s worst impulses and becoming better and more selfless than his mother.

Keep in mind, the trial was ouija. It is all about communing with the dead. And who’s murder trial did we begin the season trying to solve? Not Evanora, Death, or Nicholas’, but Wanda’s.

TLDR: No way in hell Agatha’s trial involves Lycra and ankle warmers, something is afoot here.

[joanofarcs-stigmata]

God of all creation, your wisdom, your love and your mystery are boundless. You have many names, which are beyond all gender expression. We give you thanks for the gift of diverse gender identity, expression, and sexuality. We acknowledge the times we deny that gift by holding too tightly to expectations of conformity and norms. We have created these divisions and use them against one another. We know this is not your will or your way. Help us to act mercifully and show grace to all of your people, as you have done for us. O Mysterious Maker of women, men, all that is in between, outside, and none at all. We come before you today with sorrow in our hearts. We remember those who have lost their lives because they did not conform to the gender roles society expects. We lament at the continued suffering, oppression, rejection and struggle of our siblings of all gender identities. Grant them strength, support, and love to accept and be accepted who they are.  We acknowledge the harm prejudice and ignorance has knowingly and unknowingly caused. Help soften hearts and give wisdom and understanding that in the sight of God, all are equally Beloved simply because of our existence. Open hearts and minds to embrace and support one another so that all may let their light shine before others by living out their Truth.  In the name of the One who is beyond all norm, amen.

a prayer for Transgender Day of Remembrance by Jenn Luong, Ausburg University Ministries

[weclassybouquetfun]

I see dead people and they are in the form of teenagers Edwin Payne and Charles Rowland killed in 1916 and 1989, respectively.

Yes, all eight episodes (too few episodes, I say. A good 13 eps would have been fitting) of DEAD BOY DETECTIVES is available on Netflix.

Series stars George Rexstrew (Edwin), Kassius Nelson (Crystal Palace), Yuyu Kitamura (Niko Sasaki) and Jayden Revri (Charles Rowland)

A bit about the series:

NO SPOILERS

Born out of DC Comics' Vertigo imprint and created by Neil Gaiman with its characters being spun out of the Sandman universe, how divergent is the series from the comics?Not very. They have retained the trio's backstories, but there were story arcs they could not delve into because Netflix's SANDMAN needs to get there first. Other than that, things are twists on canon or new creations.

Of the characters themselves, Neil Gaiman has said Charles was "more or less him" as a boy and in crafting the series characters, the costumes lent a hand. With his buttoned-up attitude, the bespoked suits for Edwin Paine belies his closed off demeanor. Jayden Revri's Charles Rowland had a ska/rude boy looked that was of fashion when he was alive. This was a nod that Revri appreciated as he has explained in the past he's, "half Indian, a quarter Jamaican and a quarter English." Charles also always has red on him as a nod to comics!Charles' red sweater.

While the characters were first introduced in HBO Max's DOOM PATROL, once the plans for a series was announced, it was quickly let known that this incarnation is not in the same universe as DOOM PATROL's characters, despite DOOM PATROL's Ruth Connell reprising her role as Night Nurse in the Netflix series. This series is firmly in the Sandman universe with Kirby (formerly Kirby Howell-Baptiste, briefly reprising her role as Death in the first episode.

Should DEAD BOY DETECTIVES get a second series, Rexstrew and Lukas Gage (who plays Cat King)

have already spoken of their love of Mason Alexander Park's character Desire from the series, with Rexstrew saying he would love to see Edwin's reaction to Desire.

There's no malewife like him.

Other cast members include Briana Cucuo, sister of BIG BANG THEORY's Kaley Cucuo. Briana voices Barbara Gordon and a sundry of other characters on Max's HARLEY QUINN.

Much too hot to be doing voice-work.

Jenn Lyon (Claws), Joshua Colley (Love, Victor) and Max Jenkins and Caitlin Reilly cutting it up in a (literal) small role.

Jayden says he can't wait for fan fiction and edits of Charles and Edwin and says their ship name will likely be Chedwin. Mans don't know what he's asking for!

[nerdygaymormon]

Thoughts from Gather Conference

The first speaker at the Gather Conference was Dr. Greg Peterson, president of Salt Lake Community College. He described the model of a community college, which has a 100% acceptance rate, low tuition costs, and recognizes that not all students will get a degree but may be there just for a few classes or taking one class at a time as that's all their life can handle. A university, especially an elite one, has a low acceptance rate and a prescribed ways for how students should progress through school and earn a degree. It is designed for elite students who are likely to succeed in this model.

Gathering Zion should be more like a community college. It feels like Jesus runs a community college while our church runs an elite university as it caters to those who are likely to complete the covenant path without much to offer those whose life doesn't fit its model. As a queer person, I absolutely know what it feels like to not feel like I'm wanted or welcome at church because I'm don't fit the model and not likely (according to the leaders) to reach the highest heaven.

Jenn Blosil, who was a contestant on American Idol, is quite humorous and she performed a beautiful arrangement of the song "All Are Alike unto God." I hope her version gets released, otherwise I'm gonna have to rip an mp3 when the video is released.

In her presentation, Liv Mendoza Haynes commented "You can't parent a child who is gone" as part of talking about how parents need to be loving and affirming of their LGBTQ children because the consequences of rejecting this part of them has serious consequences. She also said when Jesus was suffering in the Garden, He didn't suffer for people simply because they're LGBT because that's not something to repent of, it isn't wrong.

I believe it was David Butler who said that being an LGBTQ Latter-day Saint is making communion out of contradiction. Many people think the two are incompatible yet we exist.

When we feel safe with others, we let down our guard and enter healing.

These next few quotes are something an individual (I can't remember her name) said to me.

"What do we know of God? One who creates and mentors. When we engage in acts of creativity and creation, when we engage in encouraging and including and loving others, that's when we're likely to feel the Divine."

"When we hide in the closet, when we hide who we are, we are hiding our light. Once there's a crack and we let someone know our secret that we're queer, the bright light comes flooding out of that crack. In a way, it is a birth. As we learn not to hid ourselves, we learn to see and be ourselves, to introduce ourselves to the world."

Someone asked, "Who is the protagonist of the Restoration? Is it Joseph Smith? Moroni? Neither, WE are!"

Dr. Lisa Diamond from the University of Utah shared some information from her research. Being a minority can feel like being threatened, we spend our time being on guard and feeling stressed. This causes our bodies to produce inflammation because that's useful if we might be wounded. But if there's not a physical wound, inflammation causes damage. As a result, minorities often suffer chronic health problems at high rates, such as diabetes, high blood pressure, anxiety, depression, and many other problems.

A panelist said that there's not a faith stronger than people who come despite knowing they aren't wanted. If there is a parable to exemplify this type of faith exhibited by queer people, it is the woman touching the fringe of Jesus' clothes.

[spooky-pop]

Hi, thank you so much for your interest in joining me as a mod. I’m beyond excited to get this zine project off the ground and even moreso that I’ll get to work with an artist of your caliber!

Here are some things that I’ll need help with if you become a mod: 1) Deciding on details and specs for the zine, like page dimensions/wordcount for fics/title/color scheme/etc. 2) Deciding on who and how many can contribute. If there are only a few applications we could let them all join, but we’ll have to wait and see. 3) Formatting and building the digital file when all the pieces are finished and submitted 4) General outreach and spreading updates and news, not only to keep in touch with contributors but also to build excitement in the fandom.

I saw you marked that you’ve been in a zine before but haven’t been a mod. I’m the same, but Ive been reading a guide on tips and tricks to run a zine so hopefully that will fill in any experience gaps we might come across.

All that being said, if there is anything you’re not comfortable doing as a mod, there is no pressure to do everything. This is especially true if you were planning on contributing as well. So for example if you’re ok with helping to sort applications at the beginning but would like to focus on your piece during the creation period, then I would take over any mod tasks during that time.

Thank you again for supporting my zine idea! Please let me know if you would still like to be a mod. If you accept, I’d like to move communications over to discord if possible so we can discuss what I mentioned above a bit quicker than the ask system here (and the message/dm system isn’t the best on mobile). If we can get a third mod we can schedule a chat time if necessary, but we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.

All the best! -Jenn/Luckycharmer

Omg thank you so much for reaching out to me about this!! I'd LOVE to be a mod, and I can help with virtually anything, just say the word. :) I'm very excited to see this come together, as well as contribute alongside other artists! Can't wait to discuss more! <3

[zestialmorde]

A package arrives for Zestial. Inside is a note and a couple canisters of loose leaf tea.

Zestial,

I’m glad you enjoyed the tea I made! I made another batch and decided to experiment with a different blend of flavors. Let me know what you think of the new one!

Jenn

(( @helluvahotelfan ))

Zestial glances at the letter before turning his attention to the canisters of tea. Selecting one, he removes the lid and inhales deeply, savoring the aromatic blend. Wasting no time, he sets a kettle to boil and prepares the tea. Once steeped, he takes a small sip, discerning notes of spearmint, tulsi, and sage—a harmonious and flavorful combination. Pleased, he settles down to compose his reply:

"Dearest Jennifer, Thy tea is a true delight! I daresay it even surpasseth thy last creation. Thy skill in crafting such fine blends groweth ever more refined, a joy to behold. I trust thou art faring well, and I look forward to our next meeting. Let us soon share another pot of tea together, and catch up as kindred spirits should.

Thy humble servant, Z. Morde"

He seals the letter with care, a small smile gracing his lips. He poofs it away to its destination.

[your-old-sins-tournament]

DEAR OLD SINS BATTLE BRACKET

SIDE A

SIDE B

Rules:

Tie sweeps given to polls with a 0.2% percentage. Also I'm allowed to come up with the most messed up name possible for future polls

Propaganda is encouraged! I will reblog propaganda reblogs, as well as any propaganda that @s me. However, for the polls themselves, I will be using the propaganda submitted to me through the google form. If a oc was submitted twice with different propaganda, I will use both pieces of propaganda

Fandom ocs will not be tagged with the fandom tag.

Please be nice to each other. Do not tear down other ocs. I will not reblog any propaganda remotely like that.

All polls are one week!

If i need to change anything, please send me a ask. I will change it I swear.

Ngl I have nothing against voter fraud go buck wild. this is a internet funny battle

#ocs you made when you were 12 tournament—Main Tag

LIST OF OCS BELOW;

SIDE A

hạt dẻ hạt phỉ (Chestnut & Hazelnut in Vietnamese) [@tboyblogger] vs. Phee [Toby, @pied-piper-pluto]

Apelio vs. Peculiarè [Peggsnbacon/Insertcleverurl]

Avery [@agirlwithachakram] vs. Kishimaru [@notagutterrat]

Luphina [@bees-buzzy-blog] vs. Excavator [@enjoliquej]

Hans [@tzarina-alexandra] vs. Ling/Estrelya

Aldara [@kozzax] vs. Dan (Hanson Ōkami) [@cabincryptid51]

Roberta [@gentleralts] vs. Moon Starr

Princess Mari [Nicole] vs. Cinnamon

Cupid [@onitekka] vs. Blazestar [@theaviskullguy]

Golden Sketch [@artoftheberri] vs. Sola [AstralAugur]

Raina [Physique] vs. Ash [@changeling-ash]

Sakura vs. Sana Uzumaki

Silvia Greystone [Vio] vs. Fiona

Emma [Crow] vs. Liz Turner [@linzerj]

Beckett Ashford [@noonbeam17] vs. Clairé [@fagbearentertainment]

Twila [@polygonstars] vs. Kayama [@iinsomniia]

Round 1

SIDE B

Hollystar [Orion] vs. Elenora [GentleRalts]

Max Haight [@rowan-raccoon] vs. Darktuft [@spiri-phone9]

Infinity [@arthallea] vs. Broanch/bpa/beepeeaye

Tekki [Luna Wolf] vs. Senshi

Marla [@doctorshatehim] vs. John [@mx-yippeee]

The President vs. Jenn Adreana [@apotheoseity]

Rosetta Stone vs. Shadow [@oreganosuace]

Dawnstripe [@enigmatic-enigmas] vs. Elwen [@peregreen]

Creation [@catboirights] vs. Solaria Aoi [@ura-0m0te-lovers]

Vinn [@mx-yippeee] vs. Lily [Asteroid Kingdom]

Pink [@somebodytolove31] vs. Erin [@silveredcircuitry]

Ash [Light] vs. Louise [@kirbee-hd]

Hazelnut [@autisticzaphodbeeblebrox] vs. Bon Fire [Light]

Flamepaw [Silvia Flowers] vs. Lasha Felomi [Luna Wolf]

Sammy [@something-in-your-walls] vs. Alana [@octonine]

Drake Blue [@silveredcircuitry]vs. Max .D. Rose [@therealsirsticker]

[helluvahotelfan]

Thank you for contacting VoxTek, how may I help you?

Hello! My name is Jenn, and I currently work for VoxTek in their research and development department.

How you might ask? Well, when I first arrived I had a pleasant conversation with Vox and he was kind enough to offer me a job at his company in exchange for my soul - which is a small price to pay if you ask me. Others tried to convince me I had done something wrong, but considering all that’s happened, that has proven not to be the case.

Eventually, I developed some wolf features. I can’t imagine how else Hell will change me, but only time will tell.

Jenn’s story so far:

Jenn sells her soul to Vox

Jenn’s employment contract

Jenn drunk texts her boss

Vox calls Jenn to his office

Jenn speaks with Zestial pt 1, pt 2

Jenn gets her soul back

Jenn now has wolf features

Zoe lets Vox know that Jenn’s sick

Jenn and Zoe get attacked

Jenn lets Vox know about the incident at the apartment

Vox’s Vengeance aka the creation of Jeffie

Jenn meets Jeffie

Jenn and Vox have breakfast

Jenn’s new contract

Jenn has tea with Zestial

Events while Vox was in the mainframe:

Jenn talks with Zoe about what happened

Jenn sends Zestial a letter

Jenn discovers her powers

Jenn acquires a soul

Jenn gets help from Zestial

Another sleepless night

A gift arrives

Jenn visits Zestial

Jenn receives a visitor

Vox is out of the mainframe:

Jenn finds out about the 666 News broadcast

Vox visits Jenn

Jenn gets a new pet

Jenn speaks with Alastor

Jenn speaks with Angel

Intruder in the apartment

Zoe visits Jenn

Vox finds out about Jenn's acquiring a soul

A visit with a witch

Second soul acquired

Jenn shows Vox what she and the R&D team came up with

Jenn asks Alastor for help and get's advice on magic

Other Events:

Saving Nessie

Lutual Statements:

1, 2

Hi!

My name is actually Jenn. When I first interacted with Vox, I didn’t think the whole OC thing would blow up the way it did, so *shrugs*. I had originally intended for this blog to be keeping HH/HB content I liked in one spot, but then I got really into the roleplays.

Anyway, she/her, 34, working mom and wife. I can get a bit busy, and on Wednesday nights it’s my dedicated game night with the hubs and our friend, so my replies aren’t as frequent as other nights.

[floristusa]

Fall Flower Delivery Camden NJ - Creations By Jenn

With wonderful Fall flowers from Creations By Jenn, you may celebrate the changing hues of the leaves and the Autumn festivities. Hand-delivered seasonal flowers to make any Fall occasion more memorable. We provide fall flower delivery to Camden, NJ, and local locations, so hurry and place your purchase.

[jennakittykats-blog]

[peaceluvsmith]

Who am I

"I am nothing without pretend I know my thoughts, can't live with them I am nothing without a man I know my faults but I can't hide them" - Jenn Wasner, "Civillian" 2011

-

Who am I, if not my worst Who am I, if not my best If not the crow's stare, and the widow's glare Who am I, if not the wounds I bear

Tell me, who am I If not a figment of my own creation? Who am I, if not my most loyal servant If not my most despicable, merciless enemy Who am I, if not...

My doubts resurrect every now and then My spears sit pretty and glimmer with anticipation, awaiting the next round of self-humiliation As I kneel in my armor before them

I swing and I sway At a constant pace My mind is oddly tamed, Agonisingly behaves like a metronome And who am I, if not the only one who still shows up to pray at my dome?

I'm not half the soldier I showed up as I lost my sparkle, my glow and I'm not half the person who I dreamt they'd call remarkable

I lost my way along the way I've cut and scratched so much surface in the name of prevention But who am I, if not my worst And who will I be, if not the owner of the broken-parts convention The one who keeps writing spells after she got cursed

But who am I

[hsmtmts-arrows]

so much thought has been put behind this WAIT A MINUTE.

OK, so I've updated and added my Elemental Masters AU to the doc and I plan on giving both you and Ollie a list of who gets what power, but before that, I'm going to tease you by giving you another summary I made today. There are also some stuff you can find on the doc only

Summary: After feeling like she hasn’t fulfilled her purpose as an Elemental Master, while also getting inspiration from Alyson Reed, Miss Jenn decides to join East High to guide and mentor new generations of Elemental Masters to help them understand their powers and by extension themselves too. Mr Mazzarra, a teacher working at East High is at first rather skeptical of Miss Jenn’s methods and competencies, so he decides to work with her to ensure the kids won’t develop the destructive potential of their powers on accident. The Wildcats as they train more and more together, utilising their various skills, also establish bonds and connections with one another helping and challenging each other to grow, while also establishing rivalry with North High highly train their students under the management of Zack Roy, Miss Jenn’s old flame.

Also, both you and Ollie are about to receive pretty much the same ask so don't be surprised as I'm sharing this AU with both of you for now before the rest of Madlyn Nation tags along.

oUUUUU I LIKE IT I LIKE IT I LIKE IT 🗣️🗣️🗣️

[witchoftheewilds]

Dead Flowers

Pairing: Joel Miller x Reader

Words: 2k+

Warnings: mentions of sex, nudity, death, and angst. Lord this shit is pure angst. Joel may or may not be a little OOC here. I'm just going off what the series Joel makes me feel not game Joel.  

a/n: So, I wasn’t sure if I was going to post this. It's been almost four months since I've written anything and suddenly, I had a moment of writing this in an hour. It probably shows from the errors I didn't see, but I will die on that hill. I started replaying TLOU the other night and realized the small differences between Troy Baker’s Joel and Pedro’s. Nothing crazy, but Pedro’s Joel just seems a bit more…rugged? Brutal? And I kinda like love it a lot. @deadneverlander thank you for always being the bestie I've needed and supporting me when I can't support myself. You are amazing. Comments are always welcome. Hope someone out there enjoys this. Much love, Jenn.

____________________

It’s been six days since the so-called incident. 

��What the hell were you thinking?” 

Spittallike venom coated the corner of his mouth. His eyes wildly took in your face waiting for you to break. He wanted you to tell him he was right and you were wrong, but he wasn’t the only one who was stubborn. 

“I’m not going to apologize for trying to save somebody.”

And there it was. 

His eyes glistened with a wrath that could’ve made the entirety of hell repent. Somehow, you’d found what little strength you had left to not budge under his gaze; refusing to waiver and take back something that was already done.

What would’ve been the point in trying to change the past when there was no Time Machine to do it? When you knew - deep down - you’d be making the same mistake over and over in his eyes. 

He called you sloppy. Reckless. Irrational. Irrational because you cared. Giving a fuck about anything outside of your own survival will get yourself killed.

“You’re going to get yourself - one of the team - killed all because you let your feelings get in the way.” 

It wasn’t about the team. The team was an excuse. The team was a bunch of sad sacks of shits who found a use for one another in order to survive. No, what Joel meant but wouldn’t say had nothing to do with the team. Just you.

You were the unexpected kink in his armor he never saw coming. 

You wanted to snap at him every time Joel spoke in your direction. Your own venom packed response building at the back of your throat like bile - rising up to scream questions of why the fuck did he still keep you around knowing you’d never get an answer. 

You wanted to believe it was because of the sex. Deep down you knew something worse than spores had begun to fester between you both. Something neither one of you dared bring up in case it caused you to go down in flames. Truth was, if Joel didn’t feel the same way, you knew his rejection would kill you faster than Mother Nature’s fucked up creation ever could. So, you kept silent and harbored a growth of your own. One that was slowly beginning to kill you. 

When you’d gotten back inside the safety of the compound’s walls you’d planned on heading straight to your apartment. You needed a shower. You needed to get the grim of death scrubbed free from your body. You’d made it all of ten feet when you felt a large hand grab you from behind. Your instincts roared for you to find the upper hand as adrenaline flooded your system. Your body is already tensing up for the upcoming impact of the wall just before your back makes contact. 

With your teeth bared and muscles taut you were ready to fight. Your shoulder blades touched down on the brick first. A small rush of air huffed through your nose as your back took the rest of the impact. 

“Motherfucker-“ you snapped, your arms wiggling to loosen his grip on your arms enough to get some leverage. 

When your eyes adjusted on your attacker's face you weren’t surprised to find Joel there. And just like that every defense came crashing down. You could already feel yourself soften as your name passed over his lips. 

“What?”

“What in the hell is wrong with you, huh? Why would you do that? You know better.” 

Joel was right, of course. You did know better. Everyone did. You just hadn’t been able to let that little piece of hope inside you die all the way just yet. It was something Joel hated. It was something he knew would get you killed. 

While Joel waited for an answer you allowed yourself to take in the contours of his face. The hard lines of his brow as he concentrated on you - waiting for a response. He was trying for anger but you saw in his eyes now the same thing you’d seen as you broke cover and ran towards the girl. Fear. 

It’d been a flash. If you’d blinked you would’ve missed it, but you’d seen it. Heard it in the way he called after you as your legs sprinted forward and bounding over leftover debris from the bombing. Felt it in the desperation that spread through his words as he shouted, “Get back here!” 

But you couldn’t. All you could see was a small child - a little girl - lost and alone. Crying for some fool to save her. You’d been just the fool she’d been crying for. 

A rough hand encased your cheek bringing you back to the present. Away from the fresh memory that was digging itself a home inside your brain to join all the rest of the tragedy it harbored there. What was one more? 

“What do you want from me, Joel? An apology?”

“No, I don’t want a goddamn apology. I want you to make it make sense why you would do that. You know she was as good as dead already.” 

Joel liked to think he was more methodical than you but in reality, Joel had a tendency to be as equally impulsive as you. He just wanted to pretend his moral code died the same day his daughter did. He wanted to believe he'd encased himself so deep in stone he was untouchable. 

Joel’s reputation of being ruthless preceded him. You’d seen it in action the first smuggling job you’d taken with him. A small group of four of you ended with only two of you making it back. His clothes were covered in specks of gore and dirt and the earth shattering spark of hell that ignited in the dark obsidian of his eyes. It was noticeable in the cautious way he carried himself - even more noticeable in the wary movements everyone subconsciously took when they approached him. The tension in their shoulders rose up until their jaws were baring down so tight you could hear their teeth crack. 

It’s how it had gone with every job you’d taken in the beginning. Everyone was so wary of him - you must have missed the danger sign completely. It wasn’t until the fifth job you’d worked together that he’d started to trust you. 

Trust. What a delicate thing. 

“Do you trust me?” 

The words left before you could stop them. The anger that’d marked his forehead lightened as worry took its place. 

“Why you askin’ something like that?” 

“It’s a simple question, Joel. Do. You. Trust. Me. Yes or no.” 

You couldn’t explain why your mind raced back to the first time he’d claimed you. A part of you wanted that right now. To shut you up with a seal of his lips on yours. 

Shut me up. Shut me up before I regret this.

It had started raining. The storm coming in quicker than either of you’d anticipated. Your shoulders were sore and beginning to bruise from the weight of the cargo inside your pack. You’d told Joel it wouldn’t be a problem and that you could make it back to the QZ without any issues. So, when he’d called to find shelter until the worst of the storm had passed the relief had been instant. 

“We’ll hunker down here for the night. Hopefully, by the time the sun rises we’ll be back on the road.” 

“Sounds good. I’m going to change into warmer clothes.” 

There was no missing the slow smirk that rose on his lips. His body folded to sit on what piece of the couch didn’t have springs and holes jetting out between mildewed fabric. 

“Something funny?”

“Not at all. You’d do a lot better to pack more ammo for your pistol than extra clothes.”

“Clothes are a necessity,” you chimed in response. 

You dared a glance over your shoulder at his large frame. His body finally reclining back, an arm lazily slung over, as he confined to watch you search through your bag. What were you even trying to find again? Oh, right. Clothes. 

Joel was distracting in that rugged handsomeness sort of way. A way you wish you could pretend you’d never started to notice. It was becoming a distraction and one you promised yourself once you finished this job you wouldn’t worry about anymore. No more jobs equaled no more being finely attuned to the presence of an emotionally unavailable man. 

“Ammo is a necessity, sweetheart. The importance of clothes isn’t that high on my list of what’s gonna keep me alive.” 

His drawl thickened around the last and you fought not to shiver. Sweetheart was new and the tenderness of it wasn’t lost on you. Sweetheart was going to get you killed. 

“I’ll remember that the next time I catch hypothermia from fighting runners in the nude.” 

His deep laugh warmed your skin leaving a heated flush across your skin. You tried your best to distract yourself from him. Get the clothes. Go to the bathroom. You felt rooted to the spot. Your eyes took in a rare smile that crinkled his eyes in a way that softened him and turned him human. 

“Wouldn’t that be a sight.” 

“The spare clothes stay,” you replied, your arm tucking your said spare clothes against your chest. “I’ve got you to hold the ammo.”

You could’ve sworn as you turned towards the bathroom, you’d heard him mutter, “That you do, sweetheart,” but you chalked it up to your mind playing tricks on you. Joel wasn’t like that. He wasn’t ruled by emotion and, as much as you fought to say neither were you, you knew you were. 

Joel was a perfect example that your emotions couldn’t be trusted. Maybe that was the excuse you used for the reason you’d left the bathroom door cracked just enough for Joel to have a perfect view as you undressed. You’d blame it on the door being too rotted to move or being delirious from the cold. 

You could feel his eyes on you as you stripped with your eyes trained on your reflection inside the mirror. The moss that grew through the cracks distorting your image and betraying the facade of your calm expression with wide eyes. It wasn’t until after you’d taken the last leg out of your jeans that you felt him enter the room. 

Your eyes catching him inside the mirror. You weren’t exactly sure why you froze. Your next breath caged inside your legs with you unwilling to release it as you waited for his next move. It felt like minutes passed within that brief moment and somewhere within that time your initial uncertainty began to thaw. The mirror was trashed, but it was enough to catch the way his eyes hungrily drank in your body. 

You started to pivot on your feet to turn to face him when a calloused hand stopped you. The dampness of his shirt touched against the skin of your back eliciting a soft gasp to fill the room. The hand that held you steady moments before snaked around your front and dipped lower. You were pressed tightly against his chest now, and the bite of the cold that had been there seconds before was gone. Replaced now with the growing heat that stirred within your bones. 

It wasn’t until you felt the weathered skin of his lips against your ear that you realized you were leaning against him fully for support. 

“I can keep you warm. Would you like that, sweetheart?” 

A pleading sound rose up in your chest. A sharp nod all you could manage as you turned your head those few inches to meet the intensity of his gaze. Joel wanted to hear you say it. He wanted to hear the words of submission come from you, and you were all too eager to give them. 

“Yes.”

With one simple word you signed yourself over to him and Joel sealed his mouth over yours. The kiss was nothing sensual or romantic. It was an assault of lips and teeth. A thrashing of claiming as his arms wound around you, constricting you closer with a hand greedily filling up your breasts. Your nipples pinched deliciously between his thumb and index. 

Joel fucked you hard against the old porcelain sink until it broke. 

Looking at him now, you wondered if Joel realized yet that his eyes were full of pleading. You wondered if you told him what he was giving away f he’d release the hold he had on your face, his thumb lightly stroking at your bottom lip, as he searched your face for an answer you couldn’t give him. 

“Do. You. Trust-“ 

“What kind of fuckin question is that?” 

“A real one. An honest one.”

A few beats of your heart later and a sigh of recognition hefted itself off his shoulders. He thought this was a game. Maybe tell you what you need to hear and you would stop with this foolishness. 

“Yes, goddamn it. You know I do. What does it matter-“

“It matters to me. It matters to know that you’ll trust me to make a good decision.” 

“But you don’t make good decisions, sweetheart!” His face was overcome with a shade of red as he struggled to contain himself. Both hands on your face now as he begged you to silently stop where this was going. Where it was always going. “You think too much with your damn emotions and it’s going to get yourself killed!”

“Joel - are you scared to lose me?”

No faster than the words spilled from your lips did his entire body shut down. It would’ve been amazing to watch him compartmentalize himself away if it didn’t mean he was doing it towards you. 

“I know you are,” you whispered to him. “Let me hear you say it. I wanna hear you-“

Joel crashed his lips down onto yours hard enough your teeth clacked. His tongue ruthlessly demanded entrance to your mouth; stealing the very breath from your lungs. You tried to move closer to get a better hold of him, but found he was keeping you at arms reach. Just as fast as he’d started it, Joel pulled away from you. An apology written in his eyes as he turned and walked away leaving you alone inside the alleyway. 

You knew that Joel Miller was dangerous. You knew it in the wary way people moved around him and the way their jaws tightened until they cracked. You knew he was dangerous, and still, you decided to let him kill you long before the spores ever did.