#Crack //

[sukurarose92]

Okay, a friend of mine said "obi-wan about Anakin" and it gave me several silly ideas so i'm gonna share them. Insert random headcanons about Anakin and his catch-it-eat-it diet below the line.

I'm just imagining Anakin opening cabinets, getting down on the floor and searching. Army crawling to look under tables and cabinets, pausing to sniff once in a while.

"Its around here somewhere... i just know it"

"Did you lose something?"

"No. There's an ant in here"

"Oh?... did you see it?"

"No. I can smell it. Its taunting me"

"You can.... smell the ant?" -there is a moment of silence "AHA!" "Oh. oh no. Anakin please don-- oh stars"

It's too late. Anakin has already put it in his mouth. This ties into coming from a planet where food is a little more scarce. He was raised where if you can catch it, you eat it. and obi-wan's reaction implies that he knew it was coming. which led me to headcanon number 2. This is not a new occurrence. You ever imagine the other jedi masters watching this mid-twenties fresh baby faced knight trying to wrestle a small reptile from the grubby hands of feral desert child? Because i have.

Anakin is upset because he caught it to eat it and obi is trying to convince him that there is plenty of food in the cafeteria, please do not eat that.

Perhaps, an 11 year Anakin running by with pudgy stuffed cheeks, obi-wan hot on his heels, shouting frantically "WHAT IS IN YOUR MOUTH?!"

Hearing from another room "SPIT THAT OUT THIS INSTANT! YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE THAT'S BEEN!" Followed by the sounds of a scuffle, which is certainly Knight Kenobi trying to wrestle Anakin's mouth open like an unruly dog with a wrapper, attempting to get it out of him mouth. then a sharp yelp "you BIT me?!" if it's small enough to fit in his mouth, it's going in. Bugs. Lizards. if he catches a small rodent he'll cook it first. but he'll eat it.

Headcanon number 3. Obi-wan is utterly devestated when he discovers that Ahsoka will also eat small critters.

Anakin spots a bug and stares at it, moving to stalk and it sets Ahsoka off. Next thing you know, her pupils have turned to slits and she's fallen into step, stalking alongside him. It doesn't matter who catches it first, Anakin gives it to Ahsoka because he's a good Master.

"here. i had one earlier. you can have this one"

"thanks master!"

Obi-wan is making an utterly despaired sound in the background.

"oh. i'm sorry master obi-wan. did you want that?"

"oh no, snips. obi-wan's a picky eater. he doesn't eat bugs"

"force have mercy. there's two of them"

Next headcanon. fuck naming them. there's too much going on here.

Obi-wan has no spice tolerance, which is a huge issue considering that he spent years hiding out on Tattooine where EVERYTHING is spicy, including the meats. This means that he has to find alternative means of getting his nutrients.

This ends up being a diet comprised of desert grasses, roots, mushrooms, legumes, and insects.

he's scooping out the insides of a giant millipede while staring into the distance, disassociating through dinner. He spends so many meals half to tears because "Anakin would've loved this" -- both the mean and watching Obi-wan suffer through eating bugs.

Next headconnon.

Anakin is a little shit.

that's not a new idea, you say. i know. that part is canon. hear me out though.

Freshly Knighted Anakin taunting Obi-wan with his own nuggets of wisdom

"a varied diet is paramount for a healthy body, master. it's important~" and he's holding up a grasshopper.

"no, thank you, anakin. there is plenty of nutritional value to the temple made meals. i'm quite alright."

"but master. i caught this just for you."

"that's very kind but i simply couldn't" Obi-wan is not very fond of bugs to begin with but he's less fond of them when Anakin decides he wants to chase him with them. "no! stop that!"

"c'mon master, eat it!"

"stop that, you menace!!! anakin no!"

obi-wan afterwards is bent over, hands on his knees after force running around the temple with Anakin chasing him. He's gasping for breath.

And then Anakin just approaches, still holding the bug and Obi-wan has clearly hit his limit of what he's willing to put up with and Anakin grins before popping it in his mouth.

"look at that, master. my force running has gotten better. i can keep up with you now~" 😇

"we-- *gasp* should've left you on Tattooine-- *wheeze* where we found you, you brat" *various dying sounds*

"but ya didn't~❤️"

Obi-wan is ready to kick his ass.

I doubt that it's the only time this has happened. Which brings me to my final points. The addition of Yoda to this horrible shit show.

Anakin's bug buddies, Ahsoka, and Yoda.

We have Anakin chasing Obi-wan once more with a different insect. This happens to be a bad time to be wandering the halls. Obi-wan head to do a, rather graceful, flip to avoid taking out Masters Yoda and Plo Koon while on the run. Anakin is close behind and he barely has time for more than a shouted apology.

Anakin has his bug held high and is excitedly telling his master that "this one is crunchy. you'll like it!" with a little too much glee.

Yoda watches Anakin pass by. takes a deep breath and uses a long frog-like tongue to snatch the bug right out of anakin's hands.

"running in the hallways, against the rules, it is." ☺️

anakin, who knew his master wouldn't eat it and had planned to have it himself when he was done tormenting obi. -- "😟 my bug"

Yoda is, fondly, referred to as "Master Steal your lunch" by Anakin the next time he sees him. Yoda, seeming to sense his error, and enjoying being a menace as much as Anakin, even if it's kept under wraps for the most part, sees an opportunity to ruin someone's day.

He snatches a fly from midair with his tongue and then wipes it off on his robes before offering it to Anakin, well aware it had his saliva on it, as a replacement for his pilfered snack.

There room is draped in horrified silence.

obi-wan is nearly in tears

"oh, merciful force. Anakin, i beg you... don't... "

Anakin seems to have a silent conversation via eyes before he smiles pleasantly, takes the fly, thanks the master so very pleasantly, and just pops it in his mouth, to the unending despair of his master.

Obi-wan has his head in his hands, mortified by this nonsense.

"please, Master Yoda, i beg you, don't encourage him"

imagine if your boyfriend was like I can smell an ant. and started tracking

[anyknotrants]

Dick: wait- does this mean that the og JL is just one big family at this point?

Bruce: ... what?

Dick: I mean- I married Wally, who's now leaglly Barry's and Hal's, which makes them your in-law. Jason married Roy, which makes Oliver your in-law, and the rest of you are dating a Super, I feel like that does make the JL a family business

Bruce: ...

Bruce: nO-

[mochiwonz]

― MY FREAK WAS MATCHED

PAIRING. fem!reader x bf!jungwon CONTENT. suggestive , a little bit of fluff and crack , blonde jungwon and boss baby agenda included OFCC NOTE. texts will definitely be one of my new things hehe these r so fun◝(ᵔᗜᵔ)◜

i lowk love thesee !! pls reblog if you enjoyed :3 my other works can be found here <3

© mochiwonz ― all rights reserved. do not copy, steal, or translate my work.

[monsters-demons-and-ai-oh-my]

What if the reason why future wizard Viktor told Jayce he had to kill his past self was just that he was frustrated and pissed seeing his former self wreck the world over and over while searching for a solution to stop his past self.

Arcane Wizard Viktor: “Jayce, you must kill me before you can save me.”

Jayce: “What why?”

Arcane Wizard Viktor: “Because fuck that guy.”

[nanawaffles]

............i think sauron might be behind that door

[jinjeriffic]

Some Dan/Jason with meddling Ellie

Jason is back at his Crime Alley safehouse after a long night patrolling, beating up assholes etc. and really looking forward to sleeping the day away, when the doorbell rings. Grumbling, he heads over to the intercom.

Jason: What?

Kid's voice: Hello! Would you like to buy some Girl Scout Cookies?

Jason wonders why the fuck a girl scout would set foot in Crime Alley, but when he checks the security cameras, sure enough there's a black haired pre-teen in uniform, with a cart full of cookie boxes. Jeez, this kid is just asking to get kidnapped! He might have to intervene here.

Jason: I'll be right down.

2 minutes later he opens the door. The kid is giving him a great customer service smile. Jason suddenly notices a guy hanging a short ways back. He has dark hair with some white in it (kinda like Jason, huh), is built like a brick shithouse and has a scowl worthy of a mob enforcer. How did Jason not notice him on the cameras??

Kid: Hi! It's $8 for a box or $22 for 3 boxes!

Jason: Uh, hi kid. Is everything alright?

Jason and the brick shithouse size each other up.

Kid: That's just my brother. He's here to keep away the creeps! *beat* He's also single!

Guy, scandalized: Danielle!

Jason, amused: O-kay. How about 3 boxes of Samoas, then?

Danielle: Great! *grabs a stack of boxes* Tell you what, for another 10 bucks I'll give you his phone number *points at Guy*

Guy, even more scandalized: Danielle!!

Jason: *coughs and pulls out a $50* Throw in a box of Thin Mints and you can keep the change

Danielle: Deal!

Guy: what is happening

[demonparamour]

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7

[hopeforchanges]

Sauron being unintentionally hilarious, part 2. Remember when Galadriel's bad diplomacy was so bad it literally melted his brain for a second?

Galadriel: *i wanna a ship i wanna a horsie and i wanna you to be nice to me, lady.* Sauron: *we are homeless and smell like whale semen. you need to chill, horsie.*

[allycot]

canon.

I really like this one actually

[incorrectbatfam]

I still think about your Gotham Gooners.

Any more fun shenanigans for us?

Oh man I completely forgot about these guys.

For those who don't know, they are crack OCs that I created that sorta spiraled out of control for a little bit. But ngl, they were fun. Here is an overview of them and you can also check my tags and my Ao3.

Anyway, some more headcanons:

Milo came up with the name Gooners. Yes he is aware of the double meaning—he is a 15-year-old boy with unrestricted internet access. No he won't change it. He already made T-shirts

Gene makes poor personal financial decisions for someone who used to be an accountant. He once won $100 from a scratch ticket and immediately lost it by investing in a start-up that wanted to make iPhones for pets

Kellin inserted a small implant into their arm to purposely set off metal detectors. That way, after they explain their "medical condition," security guards will wave them in without checking for the multiple weapons on their person

Rob was parentified growing up and refused to make Milo do the same for the twins, especially since Milo isn't even his kid. Cue Rob zooming back and forth like a roadrunner between Jackie's dance recital and Gunner's Little League game

Mac's surveillance vehicle is an ice cream truck he bought for cheap after the owner died in it. He uses the freezers to store his midnight meals, consisting of Midwestern classics like cheese curds, tater tot hotdish, and Detroit pizza. Tangentially related, his full first name is Mackinac—as in Mackinac Island, Michigan

Booker's job as an intern is to schedule meetings, go on coffee runs, and calculate every possible Looney Toons physics scenario that the team might encounter on any given job

Otto doesn't have a yard, so instead, to fulfill his old man duties, he opens his apartment window and yells at people to get off the public sidewalk. Molly brings a blender and makes milkshakes to bring all the boys to the sidewalk

Before becoming a pyrotechnic or professional criminal, Blaise worked a new job every other month (in part because of his ADHD). One of them was a waiter at a furry restaurant and another was a lab rat at Wayne Enterprises

The Gooners take any job that promises them money—and they're not always illegal. One time, they got paid to set up the Tour de Gotham

[jacketlovingfox]

"I'm sexually attracted to fictional cartoon horses"

-Jimbalaya, probably

[aziraphales-library]

hey mods!!! I loveeee your taste in fics, you awesome ppl always have amazing ones on hand!! I was wondering if you knew any fics where Aziraphale and Crowley are just absolutely silly and ridiculous lol, it’s soo cute!! Thx for all the fics, and have a nice dayyy

Hi! You might like to check out our #humour, #humor, and #crack tags for silly fics. Here are some more silly ones for you...

You're Telling Me a Shrimp Fried This Rice? by absolutely_obsessed (G)

"A 𝘴𝘩𝘳𝘪𝘮𝘱?" "Oh, yes." "The little..." Crowley lifted his hand up and held his pointed finger and thumb about three inches apart, "little buggers in the ocean?" "The very same," Aziraphale confirmed. "𝘊𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘦𝘥 that?" "Quite right, my dear." "𝘙𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺?" Crowley asked, 𝘢𝘣𝘴𝘰𝘭𝘶𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘺 baffled. "Really."

Fighting A Duck For My Pants And Winning by ineffablefool (T)

"Missed connection. You were the angel sitting on this park bench, I was the demon fighting a duck for my pants and losing. If you saw me, please call me. (PS. I got them back - let’s hang out!)" (Based on a Tumblr prompt. Human!Crowley is a disaster, but fortunately the very pretty angel he disaster'd in front of appears to think that's endearing.)

Dear Raphael by asideofourown (T)

The thing was, even after Crowley Fell, Heaven forgot to delete his login to their system. The only half interesting thing he had ever found in Heaven’s archives was their newspaper, even though it was a dreadfully dull rag. But even then, Crowley was never inspired to truly interfere with the Celestial Observer’s contents until the late 1600s, when advice columns were invented on Earth. As always, brilliant inspiration struck him like… like whatever inspiration strikes like. So Crowley resolved to meddle, just as a side project. Maybe if he got enough angels heated at each other, he could report it as a victory to Hell. Anyway, Dagon had always liked gossip, and the Celestial Observer’s new advice column was a ready source of that. It was pure genius. [Crowley, demon of Hell, becomes Heaven's foremost advice columnist]

"And I Would Never Say 'Pickle'!" by SanSanFanFan (G)

What if they hadn't been able to switch back again?

You Know the Answer (So Scream It Out Loud) by his_infinitevariety (G)

“Between us we have 12,000 years’ first-hand knowledge of all of human history. I think we can manage a few silly quiz shows.” This is apparently what happens when Crowley convinces Aziraphale to watch a bunch of British quiz shows with him.

Haunt Your Own House, Thank You by musegnome (E)

The line had at last dwindled to almost nothing when Aziraphale looked up with his best plastic customer-service smile and saw sunglasses. “Hi,” said Crowley with a grin. “Someone told me I needed to order something if I didn’t want to get tossed out on my ass.” “An excellent suggestion on Someone’s part.” Aziraphale’s exhaustion melted suddenly away. “What can I get you?” The grin turned wicked. “I want a footlong.” Aziraphale rolled his eyes. “Don’t we all.”   (Or: The story of how Crowley, and Ouija boards, got banned from Subway. Inspired by the famous Ouija Boards and Seances are Not Allowed at the Subway photo.)

- Mod D

[leiazher]

It wasn't necessarily that the trinkets and lucky charms would fly around and poke an eye out. Though that could of course happen as well. It was just that the tiny little gods that inhabited those things took severe offense to being taken from their nice land-locked lives without their consent.

And I could understand, I truly could. The gods that lived in trinkets were simple things. They'd give you a boost once in a while if you were kind to them, but they'd do so while both of your feet were firmly on the ground. It's because gods remember for a long time, and they remember the millennia when humans didn't try to tempt fate. Gods are very good with not tempting fate, don't bite the hand that feeds you, and all that. Gods do not want you to tempt fate. Gods want to live their quiet little lives in their charms and trinkets, and according to them, you agreed to their way of life when you bought or got their house.

I've explained this a dozen times, a hundred. You bought a thing housing a god, you now need to take care of it, and one of the ways to do that is to know what the god absolutely never wants you to do, or have you do to it, and then never do that.

Leave their house on the ground, and get your own head in the clouds, but for the love of... well... gods, don't bring them with you up there. Alright? Do not bring your little trinket-dwelling god up in the plane, not only will I not blame them for launching their house into your eye or ear canal, or nostril, no, not only that, it's also that damages brought by gods is not covered in the insurance.

It was always fun watching the new pilots in orientation slowly realize the wall of damaged and destroyed helmets behind you came from other hotshot pilots who didn't heed your warning about trinkets and "lucky charms" in the cockpit.

[balrogballs]

i'm a writer irl (can't say who because my agent would rightfully put me into a blender and press the button if i go and out myself as "balrogballs") and honestly the funniest and most humiliating incident of my life was the time my finished manuscript triggered a plagiarism flag with the publisher for two lines of prose in my literary fiction novel...

.... which was word for word similar to a paragraph in a certain explicit work on FFN starring elrond and his batsman from the hobbit films, aka that one elf that looked like he ate panic attacks for breakfast (i forget his name but it's Figwit II) where the lord of imladris bends said twink over his writing desk and gives him the battering ram treatment.

and if you think i had to sit in front of one if the biggest publishing companies in the world and admit that it was, in fact, me who wrote the fic where the lord of imladris bends said twink over his writing desk and gives him the battering ram treatment in order to avoid being wrongly flagged for plagiarism, you would be absolutely correct.

(yes they published the book)

[cheeseanonioncrisps]

An adaptation of Sherlock Holmes set in a world in which the fictional character/literary juggernaut Sherlock Holmes, and all the subsequent adaptations thereof, still exist.

Sherlock Holmes (pronounced Holl-mess, as he is constantly reminding people) just had the misfortune of having parents who really liked the books, and his attitude towards his fictional counterpart is pretty much the same as that of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.

Sherlock runs a Youtube Theory channel called Mysteries Unwrapped with Sherlock Holmes. He has received no less than seven cease and desist letters from the Conan Doyle estate, all of which he has so faded managed to rebuff by pointing out that that's literally his name.

(No he won't change his name. He's Sherlock Holmes the real live human person. Let Sherlock Holmes the non existent fictional character change his name.)

John is Sherlock's flatmate. Sherlock almost refused to live with him once he realised that it would mean staying with a medical student named John, and only gave in once John pointed out that: a) he's a biomedical student, which is completely different from an md, and b) his surname isn't Watson.

It's now been three years, which is long enough for them to have developed a genuine friendship, and for John to have a) started working towards his PhD in biotechnology, and b) for him to start dating somebody with the surname Watson.

Sherlock can feel the narrative closing in.

His Youtube channel is meant to be focused on lost media, fan theories and stuff like that, but he keeps accidentally stumbling upon and then solving genuine crimes.

His brother Mycroft may or may not have chosen that name after he transitions specifically to annoy him.

He doesn't even live in London, but somehow the only flat they could afford was on a street named fucking Baker Street.

Sherlock Holmes and the Unescapable Power of the Narrative.