#Comedy Roast Shows

[prakhar0017]

करियर बचाने के लिए एडल्ट रोस्ट शोज किस हद तक दिमाग पर प्रभाव डाल रहे हैं?

Adult Roast Shows: आज कल यूट्यूब और इंस्टाग्राम Reels पर एडल्ट रोस्ट-कॉमेडी शोज हर किसी की फीड पर छाएं हुए है। ऐसे में इन शोज की जरूरत और उससे पड़ रहे फर्क की बात करना भी जरूरी हो जाता है। ऐसे में इस आर्टिकल के अंदर मैंने रोस्ट शोज को लेकर अपना व्यू लिखा है, जो आपके विचार भिन्न भी हो सकता है। लेकिन मुझसे अलग सोचने के लिए भी इसे पढ़ना जरूरी है। ऐसे में प्लीज इसे अंत तक जरूर पढ़िएगा और इस विषय पर…

[beansterpie]

rewatching LoK, i'm being reminded how much I dislike the.... the brothers, mako and bolin, yanno? they're such underwhelming characters on basically every level. it'd almost be impressive if they weren't in every episode and didn't annoy me so much ugh

[alanshee-keeper-of-realms]

House of Mouse aka the show in the Cartoon Meets Reality World they let Mickey and the gang go off script leading to comedy gold they just had to remember to keep it Disney friendly

So your fing nuts becomes you've got a screw loose pal, or Don't piss me off Donald is Don't cheese me off Donald

This is basically them in Teacher mode, still acting like their off-screen selves

[underestimated-shadow]

Battle of the Roasts: Steve Martin Short Edition!

[benisasoftboi]

Spent my day off catching up on Miraculous Ladybug and all I can say is RIP Gabriel, actual funniest villain of all time. I will never get over how he akumatized an actual baby, spent the entire episode asking himself why the fuck he thought that was a good idea, and then proceeded to do it again like five more times

[indulgentia]

So I had nothing to do in my cage I stumbled upon a Ruth Paul’s Drag//Race Simulator and I couldn’t resist to make my muses go through it. Yes, they all would DEFINITELY compete, I don’t make the rules. Brace yourselves because it’s quite a RIDE.

𝟏𝐒𝐓  𝐄𝐏𝐈𝐒𝐎𝐃𝐄：LIP-SYNC SMACKDOWN! The queens will lip-sync in duos and split according to who wins and who loses! The losers will be fake eliminated and placed in the Porkchop Lounge. The highlights were:

Xue Yang and Moran will lipsync… The lip-sync song is… I Don't Care by Icona Pop! Moran, shantay you stay! Xue Yang, you're getting the porkchop…

Kanda Yu and Kuai Liang will lipsync. The lip-sync song is... Vroom Vroom by Charlie XCX! Kuai Liang, shantay you stay! Kanda Yu, you're getting the porkchop...

Wyrm, Runyu and Gwi will lipsync...The lip-sync song is... Triste com T by Pabllo Vittar! Wyrm, shantay you stay! Runyu and Gwi, you're getting the porkchop...

𝟐𝐃𝐍  𝐄𝐏𝐈𝐒𝐎𝐃𝐄：RUMIX! Make a verse and a coreography for one of RuPaul's singles!!

Kuai Liang, Nyx, condragulations, you're the Top 2 of the week! 

Nobody is going home tonight! The Top 2 will now lip-sync... for the win! The lip-sync song is... Burning Up by Madonna! 

Nyx, you're a winner baby!

𝟑𝐑𝐃  𝐄𝐏𝐈𝐒𝐎𝐃𝐄：RUMIX! Make a verse and a coreography for one of RuPaul's singles!!

Zack, Moran, condragulations, you're the Top 2 of the week! 

Nobody is going home tonight! The Top 2 will now lip-sync… for the win! The lip-sync song is… Till the World Ends by Britney Spears! 

Zack, you're a winner baby!

𝟒𝐓𝐇  𝐄𝐏𝐈𝐒𝐎𝐃𝐄：DESIGN! The queens will do outfits with trash.

Wyrm, condragulations, you're the winner of today's challenge! 

Kanda Yu, Giyu, I'm sorry my dears but you are up for elimination. The lip-sync song is... Valerie by Amy Winehouse!  

Condragulations, shantay you both stay!!

𝟓𝐓𝐇  𝐄𝐏𝐈𝐒𝐎𝐃𝐄：DESIGN! The queens will do outfits with items inspired by past Drag Race contestants.

Kuai Liang, condragulations, you're the winner of today's challenge! 

Zack, Kanda Yu, I'm sorry my dears but you are up for elimination. The lip-sync song is... Now That I Found You by Carly Rae Jepsen!

Zack, shantay you stay! Kanda Yu, sashay away...

𝟔𝐓𝐇  𝐄𝐏𝐈𝐒𝐎𝐃𝐄：ACTING! The queens will act in a 60's inspired film about phone apps.

Shen, condragulations, you're the winner of today's challenge! 

Giyu, Runyu, I'm sorry my dears but you are up for elimination. The lip-sync song is... Burning Up by Madonna! 

Giyu, shantay you stay! Runyu, sashay away...

𝟕𝐓𝐇  𝐄𝐏𝐈𝐒𝐎𝐃𝐄：DANCE GROUP! The queens will participate in a dance number about Ruth Paul's biography.

Gwi, condragulations, you're the winner of today's challenge! 

Zack, Wyrm I'm sorry my dears but you are up for elimination. The lip-sync song is... Friday by Rebecca Black! I've made my decision. 

Zack, shantay you stay! Wyrm, sashay away...

𝟖𝐓𝐇  𝐄𝐏𝐈𝐒𝐎𝐃𝐄：ROAST! The queens will participate in a roast about comedy.

Junior, condragulations, you're the winner of today's challenge! 

Nyx, Gwi I'm sorry my dears but you are up for elimination. The lip-sync song is... Causing A Commotion by Madonna!

Nyx, shantay you stay! Gwi, sashay away...

𝟗𝐓𝐇  𝐄𝐏𝐈𝐒𝐎𝐃𝐄：RUSICAL! The queens will do a musical about cancel culture.

The queens will bring it to the runway! The theme is: butch. Kuai Liang, Moran, slayed the runway! 

Kuai Liang, condragulations, you're the winner of today's challenge! 

Nyx, Shen, I'm sorry my dears but you are up for elimination. The lip-sync song is... Mesmerized by Faith Evans! 

Nyx, shantay you stay! Shen, sashay away...

𝟏𝟎𝐓𝐇  𝐄𝐏𝐈𝐒𝐎𝐃𝐄：DANCE! The queens will participate in a dance number about Drag Race.

Xue Yang, condragulations, you're the winner of today's challenge!

Moran, Allen I'm sorry my dears but you are up for elimination. The lip-sync song is... No More Drama by Mary J. Blige! 

Moran, shantay you stay! Allen, sashay away...

𝟏𝟏𝐓𝐇  𝐄𝐏𝐈𝐒𝐎𝐃𝐄：SNATCH GAME! The queens will do funny celebrity impersonations!

Junior, condragulations, you're the winner of today's challenge! 

Razputin, Jin Ling I'm sorry my dears but you are up for elimination. The lip-sync song is... Buttons by The Pussycat Dolls!

Razputin, shantay you stay. Jin Ling, sashay away...

𝟏𝟐𝐓𝐇  𝐄𝐏𝐈𝐒𝐎𝐃𝐄：ACTING! The queens will act in a 80's inspired film about cancel culture.

Junior, condragulations, you're the winner of today's challenge!

Nyx, Zach,   I'm sorry my dears but you are up for elimination. The lip-sync song is... New Attitude by Patti LaBelle!

Nyx, shantay you stay! Zack, sashay away...

𝟏𝟑𝐓𝐇  𝐄𝐏𝐈𝐒𝐎𝐃𝐄：COMEDY! The queens will participate in a comedy routine about a popular TV series.

Razputin, condragulations, you're the winner of today's challenge!

Xue Yang, Nyx, I'm sorry my dears but you are up for elimination. The lip-sync song is... Knock On Wood by Amii Stewart! 

Xue Yang, shantay you stay! Nyx, sashay away...

𝟏𝟒𝐓𝐇  𝐄𝐏𝐈𝐒𝐎𝐃𝐄：MAKEOVER! The queens will make everyday people their drag sisters!

Xue Yang, condragulations, you're the winner of today's challenge! 

Razputin, Moran, I'm sorry my dears but you are up for elimination. The lip-sync song is... Oh No! by MARINA! 

Razputin, shantay you stay! Moran, sashay away...

𝟏𝟓𝐓𝐇  𝐄𝐏𝐈𝐒𝐎𝐃𝐄：COMEDY! The queens will participate in a comedy routine about crime.

Xue Yang, condragulations, you're the winner of today's challenge!

Junior, Giyu, I'm sorry my dears but you are up for elimination. The lip-sync song is... Say My Name by Tove Styrke!

Junior, shantay you stay! Giyu, sashay away...

𝟏𝟔𝐓𝐇  𝐄𝐏𝐈𝐒𝐎𝐃𝐄：THE BALL! The queens will bring three looks to the runway! The themes are: Executive realness, Rainbown, ICE QUEEN

Kuai Liang, slayed the runway (obviously)! 

Kuai Liang, condragulations, you're the winner of today's challenge!

Xue Yang, Razputin, I'm sorry my dears but you are up for elimination. The lip-sync song is... Kill The Lights by Alex Newell! 

Xue Yang, shantay you stay! Razputin, sashay away...

𝟏𝟕𝐓𝐇  𝐄𝐏𝐈𝐒𝐎𝐃𝐄：LIP-SYNC SMACKDOWN for returning queen! The highlights were:

Zack and Moran will lip-sync The lip-sync song is… Barbie Girl by Aqua! Moran, condragulations, you'll proceed to the next stage! 

Moran, condragulations, you can return to the competition!

𝟏𝟖𝐓𝐇  𝐄𝐏𝐈𝐒𝐎𝐃𝐄：MONOLOGUE! The queens will make a one woman show for a live audience! 

Moran, condragulations, you're the winner of today's challenge! 

Xue Yang, Kuai Liang, I'm sorry my dears but you are up for elimination. The lip-sync song is... Turn The Beat Around by Vicky Sue Robinson! I've made my decision. 

Xue Yang, shantay you stay. Kuai Liang, sashay away...

𝟏𝟗𝐓𝐇  𝐄𝐏𝐈𝐒𝐎𝐃𝐄：THE FINALE! Our Top 3 will participate in a music video for Ruth Paul's newest single!

Moran, I'm sorry my dear but it's not your time. I must ask you to sashay away… 

Junior and Xue Yang, this is your last chance to prove yourself. It's time for you to lipsync.. for the CROWN!! The lip-sync song is… Dancing Queen by ABBA!

Ladies, I've made my decision. 

The Next Drag Superstar is... 𝐉𝐔𝐍𝐈𝐎𝐑 !!                                     Now prance, my queen!

[screamingeyepress]

📸 Meet Frank Santopadre! From his early days in Queens to co-hosting the popular “Gilbert Gottfried’s Amazing Colossal Podcast,” his journey is filled with amazing stories. Swipe to see some highlights from our interview! 🎙️✨ https://www.screamingeyepress.com/interviews/frank-santopadre/

[eastsidemags]

The Roast of Freddy

East Side Mags is proud to present: The Roast of Freddy (Krueger)!

It’s a Nightmare on Bloomfield Ave when the greatest horror icons of film and television come together to roast the Springwood Slasher, the Gloved One, the Nightmare King himself, Freddy Krueger!

Join us for a comedy show that’ll make you scream with laughter!

[preqwells]

downtime | logan howlett x reader

summary: logan had been meaning to show you the wooden cabin he'd visit when given the time— he didn't anticipate how enraptured he'd be with the the absence of chaos in his life

cw: slightly suggestive

domesticity looked good on logan in your eyes.

chopping wood for the fire you two would burn at night, making sure the weeds didn't interfere with the tomatoes you had been growing, and sometimes even fishing despite his lack of patience for it. his jeans hung low around his waist, hair speckled across his chest through his open-collared shirt—you had to admit, you liked this side of him. you two had decided you wanted to get away for a while since logan wasn't particularly needed at the moment. he had been wanting to show you the cabin he frequented when he wasn’t busy, daydreaming to himself with the thought of what your reaction would be to it. you weren't surprised at the nature of the wooden cabin. it was secluded and neatly tucked away in a corner of a vast forest that no one would dare to enter unless they were in for a rude awakening. maybe you were kidding yourself with the idea that you two might be able to go off-grid for a while, but it was a thought you both were willing to entertain.

you smiled to yourself as your eyes tore away from the much-welcomed sight of your boyfriend leaning back on the couch, hulking thighs spread as his head lolled back. your attention trailed back to the deer he had caught earlier in hopes you could do something with it. "should i slow-cook it? maybe even make it into a pot roast?" you suddenly spoke up from the kitchen, your lips pursed in thought as a lighthearted scoff left him, his eyebrow quirking up for a moment. "askin' the wrong person. never been known to be much of a chef, sweetheart." he gruffed out, too tired to allow his eyes to roll into the back of his head at the thought of even picking up on anything remotely related to cooking. "mm, you're right," you said through a small chuckle, your eyes still examining the raw meat, "could always just set up the grill out back. chop it up, make 'em into kebabs… but we don't have any skewers. if only there was something that we could use…" you playfully trailed off as you pressed your index finger to your lower lip as if conjuring a thought. logan quickly caught onto the fact that you were talking about using his claws as kebab skewers to which he shook his head in response, shooting you an amused glance.

he rose to his feet, floorboards groaning under his weight with each movement. "ha-ha, you're hilarious. damn near a comedian." he retorted as he made his way to you, placing his empty beer bottle on the counter before his arms wrapped around you, giving you a small squeeze. his front pressed to your back, your heart fluttering at the sudden contact. the contours of his muscles molded into your frame nicely, warmth emanating from him as his breath fanned against the nape of your neck. "well… i was thinking about signing up for the local comedy club. could be my big breakthrough, y'know?" you sighed in faux contemplation as you felt the softness of his lips pepper kisses from your nape to your pulse-point, his hands lingering on your waist. his thumbs found the belt loops in your jeans, tugging on them absentmindedly. "y'right, bet the squirrels and mornin' birds would love to hear the material you been practicin' on me." he murmured into your skin, eyes fluttering shut as he deeply inhaled your scent. seeing as how sensitive he was to scents, there were lots of scents he couldn't stand. hated the smell of gasoline, hated any kind of gaudy perfume— if he thought about it for too long, his nose would probably scrunch up out of disgust. yet he was particularly fond of your scent, fresh linen and cotton. your scent was as pleasing as your personality. you were good for logan. kind, compassionate— you smoothed out his rough edges. god knew he had too many.

domesticity looked good on you in logan's eyes. the wood you'd carry to the fire pit for your late-night chats recounting the events of the day, the tomatoes you'd complain about that wouldn't ripen and sometimes even fall off too early from local wildlife taking their swipes at it, and your insistence on him learning some proper patience for fishing since you still had a taste for wild-caught salmon. his hands found the hem of your flannel, sliding under the fabric as his fingertips grazed the softness of your skin, traveling down past your navel. warmth flooded your cheeks as a sheepish smile played at the corners of your lips, your hands on the counter to brace yourself. "logan— logan! i still have to marinate the meat." you hastily whispered before a breathy moan escaped you as his tongue rolled over your skin, teeth nipping at the crook of your neck. "mmm, don't worry 'bout it." he spoke into your neck before gently lifting you onto the counter, his eyes filled with affection. he didn't know how it happened, honestly. couldn't pinpoint it even if he tried to recall what you did that caused him to be so smitten with you. he quietly admired you for a few moments, taking in how hues of orange from the sun setting filtered through the window and cascaded onto the side of your face, his hand raising to cup the swell of your cheek. you didn't know it, but logan had made a quiet vow to himself to do everything in his power to make sure you were safe, in this life and the next.

he'd show you tonight how much he adored you, in more ways than just one.

[harrysfolklore]

the carlos sainz roast

summary: it's carlos' 30th birthday and what a better way to celebrate it than roasting him. wc: 2.8k

folkie radio: happy birthday to the smooooth operatorrrrr. i hontesly LOVED this idea that randomly popped in my head and writing it was sooo much fun, i hope you like it !

MASTERLIST | MY PATREON

Carlos Sainz was turning 30. The big 30.

You wanted to do something special to celebrate it, something out of the ordinary that he would never forget. After spending multiple hours on the internet looking for ideas, a brilliant one came to your mind: A roast.

"So all of you will take turns roasting me? Like making jokes about me?" Carlos asked, looking at you from the couch as you pitched him your idea.

"Exactly, baby, It's going to be so much fun!"

The next few weeks flew by in a whirlwind of preparations. You sent out invitations, coordinated with the other drivers, and gathered embarrassing photos and funny stories about Carlos.

The night of the roast, you transformed your living room into a makeshift comedy club, complete with a small stage and a spotlight. Each driver that arrived at your house complimenting your effort.

As everyone settled into their seats, you stood up and tapped your glass with a spoon to get their attention.

"Welcome, everyone, to the Carlos Sainz Roast!" you announced, catching Carlos's eye and winking at him. "We're all here to celebrate the man, the myth, the legend... the one who always leaves the toothpaste open - Carlos Sainz Jr. on his 30th birthday. And what better way to show our love than by mercilessly making fun of him?"

Laughter rippled through your friends as Carlos playfully rolled his eyes, "Thank you, amor, that's very nice of you."

You playfully blew a kiss his way before speaking again, "Now, before we start, let's remember the rules: keep it funny, keep it respectful, and try to speak slowly so Max can understand." You shot a teasing glance at Verstappen, who grinned and shook his head.

"First up, we have Charles Leclerc, Carlos's teammate and the only person who can make Carlos look slow on a good day. Charles, the floor is yours!"

Charles stood up, straightening his jacket as he approached the makeshift stage. He cleared his throat dramatically, his eyes sparkling with mischief.

"Thank you for that introduction," Charles began, "You know, when I first heard Carlos was joining Ferrari, I was excited. Finally, someone to make me look good! But then I realized, with his luscious hair and chiseled jaw, he was going to steal all my sponsorship deals. So I had to step up my game."

The room erupted in laughter, Carlos included.

"But seriously," Charles continued, "working with Carlos has been an experience. He's like a Spanish version of Google Maps – always recalculating, never quite sure where he's going, but somehow ends up in the right place eventually. That's why I had no doubt in my mind he was going to find an amazing car to drive next season, my bet was on the Safety Car but he opted for an even slower car, a Williams!"

Everyone erupted in laugh again, making Carlos shake his head with his eyes closed, "That one was low, Leclerc."

Charles took a moment to catch his breath, then added with a grin, “And Carlos, now that you’re 30, you’re officially a veteran in the sport. But don’t worry, no matter how many years go by, you’ll always be the guy who can make a Ferrari look like it's in a constant state of panic. Cheers to you, mate!”

You grinned at Charles as he stepped down, patting Carlos on the shoulder. "Alright, that was pretty good, Charles," you said, "But let's see if Lando can top that. Norris, you're up!"

Lando bounded up to the makeshift stage, his trademark cheeky grin plastered across his face. He adjusted the microphone, clearing his throat dramatically.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't the birthday boy, Carlos 'Smooth Operator' Sainz," Lando began, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "You know, when I first met Carlos at McLaren, I thought, 'Wow, this guy's got it all – talent, looks, charm.' Then I realized it was just his hair products messing with my senses."

The crowd burst into laughter, Carlos included, you ran a hand through his famous locks and he gently grabbed it to place a kiss on your palm.

"If I'm being completely honest," Lando continued, "Carlos taught me so much during our time as teammates. Like how to perfectly time a dad joke in team radio, or how to look devastatingly handsome while finishing P7. Essential skills in F1, really."

The room erupted in laughter once again, with Carlos shaking his head in amused disbelief.

"Carlos, you're one of my best friends," Lando's tone softened slightly, "Even if you did spend most of our time together trying to teach me Spanish pickup lines that work about as well as Ferrari's strategy team."

"But I have a girlfriend and you don't, mate. Even with my bad pickup lines." Carlos jabbed, making you throw your head back in laughter.

As the laughter died down, Lando raised his glass. "To Carlos, the man who proves that you can be devastatingly handsome, irritatingly talented, and still somehow likeable. Happy 30th, mate. May your midlife crisis be as smooth as your overtakes."

Lando stepped down from the stage, approaching Carlos who stood up from his seat to give him a hug.

"Love you, mate," you could hear Carlos say, making you smile.

"Next up, we have Fernando Alonso, Carlos's longtime mentor and fellow Spaniard!" you announced, making everybody clap as Fernando took the stage.

"Ah, Carlos. I've known him since he was just a little karting prodigy. Back then, I thought, 'This kid's going places.' Now, 20 years later, I realize I was right – he's gone to every midfield team on the grid!"

The crowd roared with laughter as Fernando continued, "But seriously, I always thought Carlos had potential, and I was right, he's got the potential to be the second-best Sainz in Motorsports!"

Carlos playfully rolled his eyes, taking a sip from his drink.

"But let me tell you something, Carlos," Fernando's tone softened slightly, "You've made all of Spain proud. You've shown that with hard work, talent, and a famous last name, anything is possible in F1. Well, almost anything, winning a championship might still be a stretch!"

As the laughter died down, Fernando raised his glass. "To Carlos Sainz Jr., the man who proves that you can be a great driver, a fan favorite, and still be overshadowed by your dad at family dinners. Feliz cumpleaños, amigo!"

Fernando stepped down from the stage, approaching Carlos who stood up to give him a warm, laughing embrace. As they parted, you stood up to introduce the next roaster.

"Now, let's hear from someone who's known Carlos since their early days in Formula 1. Please welcome to the stage, the reigning world champion and certified cat lover, Max Verstappen!"

Max sauntered up to the stage, he adjusted the mic and grinned at Carlos.

"If it isn't the new old man of the grid," Max began, earning chuckles from the crowd. "You know, Carlos and I go way back to our Toro Rosso days. I remember when we first met, I thought, 'Wow, this guy's got great hair.' Then I realized that's all he's got!" everyone laughed once again, "Back at Toro Rosso, Carlos was always so dedicated. He'd spend hours studying my telemetry, trying to figure out how to be as fast as me. Spoiler alert: he's still trying!"

The crowd roared with laughter, Carlos included, as he playfully threw a napkin at Max.

"But in all seriousness, Carlos," Max continued with a grin, "you've always been one of the most hardworking and determined drivers on the grid. You never give up, no matter how many times you've been dropped by your teams mid season."

Carlos laughed, raising his glass to Max in a mock toast. "Thanks for the reminder, Max."

"Carlos, you're one of the best guys in the paddock. With your resting bitch face and all, you're always there with a helping hand. Even if your driving skills are debatable," he added with a wink. "Happy 30th, mate."

Max stepped down, and Carlos stood up to give him a hug, both of them laughing. You took the mic once more, "Thank you, Max, for that trip down memory lane. Now, let's welcome to the stage a man who's known for his infectious smile and his matchmaking skills. Please give it up for Daniel Ricciardo!"

Daniel bounded onto the stage with his characteristic enthusiasm, flashing his famous grin.

"G'day, everyone! Carlos, mate, happy birthday!" Daniel began, "You know, I've known Carlos for years, but my proudest achievement was introducing him to his lovely girlfriend, YN," you smiled at this, feeling Carlos squeeze your hand, "I thought to myself, 'This bloke needs someone who can put up with his golf obsession and his constant need for mirror checks.' And boy, did I deliver!"

The crowd erupted in laughter, with you and Carlos exchanging amused glances.

"I remember the day I introduced them," Daniel continued, "I told YN, 'Look, he's a great guy, but be prepared for endless conversations about tyre management and the perfect hair product.' Little did I know, she'd be nodding along enthusiastically!"

You playfully rolled your eyes as the audience chuckled.

"But seriously, folks," Daniel's tone softened slightly, "watching these two together is like watching a perfect pit stop - smooth, efficient, and occasionally involves someone getting sprayed with champagne."

Carlos pulled you closer, placing a kiss on your cheek as everyone 'aww'ed.

"Carlos, mate," Daniel concluded, raising his glass, "you've found yourself a keeper. Someone who can navigate your mood swings faster than you navigate Eau Rouge. YN, love, you've got yourself a man who's smoother than a freshly paved track... at least when he's not tripping over his own feet trying to impress you."

Daniel stepped down from the stage, approaching you and Carlos. You both stood up, enveloping him in a group hug, all three of you laughing and thanking him for his words.

"Alright, that was brilliant, Daniel. Now, let’s hear from let's hear from someone who's about to get very familiar with Carlos's driving quirks. Please welcome to the stage, Carlos's new future teammate, Alex Albon!"

Alex strode up to the stage with a playful grin, adjusting the microphone as he faced the audience.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't my new teammate, Carlos Sainz," Alex began, "You know, when I heard Carlos was joining Williams, I thought, 'Great, someone to help push the team forward!' Then I remembered his time at Ferrari and realized he's just as confused about strategy as the rest of us."

The room erupted in laughter, with Carlos good-naturedly shaking his head.

"But seriously, Carlos," Alex continued, "I'm excited to work with you. I mean, who wouldn't want a teammate who's been through more teams than I've had podiums? Toro Rosso, Renault, McLaren, Ferrari... Williams is just the latest stop on the Carlos Sainz World Tour, isn't it?"

Carlos raised his glass in mock salute, chuckling along with the audience.

"I have to say, though, I'm a bit worried," Alex said, feigning concern. "I've seen how competitive you are, Carlos. I just hope you remember that at Williams, we're usually racing against the clock, not other cars. But hey, at least you'll always beat the safety car... probably."

"You know, Carlos, I just realized we have something else in common besides our great hair and questionable career choices. We're both proud members of the 'No Appendix Club'!"

The room burst into laughter, with Carlos nodding in amused agreement.

"That's right, folks," Alex continued, "Carlos and I have both had our appendixes removed. I like to think it makes us more aerodynamic, but let's be honest, in Carlos's case, it's probably just made room for more hair product."

Carlos playfully patted his hair, eliciting more chuckles from the audience.

"But seriously," Alex said, "I suppose this means we're perfectly matched as teammates. We're both down an organ, so when Williams inevitably asks us to give 100%, we can honestly say we're already giving everything we've got - minus an appendix, of course! Happy birthday, teammate, here's to a season of driving a tractor, but at least we'll be together."

Alex stepped down from the stage and approached Carlos, who stood up to give him a hug patting his back.

"Now, let's welcome to the stage a man who needs no introduction, but I'll give him one anyway. Seven-time world champion and fashion icon, Lewis Hamilton!" you said and everyone clapped.

Lewis sauntered up to the stage with his characteristic cool demeanor. "Carlos, my man," he began, "I've got to hand it to you. You've had quite the career. Toro Rosso, Renault, McLaren, Ferrari, next year Williams, it's like you're collecting team merchandise,"Lewis grinned mischievously as he continued, "You know, Carlos, I've got to thank you. You've done such a great job warming up that Ferrari seat for me. It's like you were my personal seat heater all along!"

The crowd roared with laughter as Carlos playfully buried his face in his hands, and you rubbed his back comfortingly while chuckling.

"But seriously," Lewis continued with a grin, "You've made that Ferrari seat look good. I just hope I can live up to your legacy of looking devastatingly handsome while trying to figure out what on earth the pit wall is thinking."

Carlos laughed, shaking his head in mock despair. "Thanks, Lewis. I appreciate the… kind words."

"You know, Carlos, I've always admired your ability to stay positive," Lewis continued his roast, "No matter how many times you've been dropped from teams, you always manage to smile for the cameras. It's like you've mastered the art of looking happy while screaming internally. I'm taking notes mate!"

After a few more jabs Lewis concluded his roast, several other drivers took their turns at the mic, each adding their own flavor to the celebration. George joked about Carlos's infamous beach photos, Pierre told some stories about their Toro Rosso days and even Oscar joked about being surprised about being invited since him and Carlos always push each other off the track.

Finally, it was your turn. You stood up, feeling a mix of excitement and nervousness as you approached the stage. Carlos looked at you with a huge smile.

"Well, well, well," you began, locking eyes with Carlos, "what can I say about Carlos Sainz that hasn't already been said? He's talented, he's handsome, and he's the only man I know who spends more time on his hair than I do."

The room filled with laughter as Carlos nodded in mock pride.

"But seriously, living with Carlos is an adventure," you continued, "He's always talking about smooth operations, but let me tell you, there's nothing smooth about the way he leaves his socks all over the house. It's like living in a minefield of sweaty foot prisons."

Carlos threw his head back in laughter along with the rest of the guests.

"And don't even get me started on his competitiveness. Everything's a race with this guy. Brushing teeth? Race. Getting dressed? Race. I'm surprised he hasn't tried to overtake me in bed yet!"

The room erupted in cheers and wolf whistles as Carlos turned a shade of red.

"But in all seriousness," your voice softened, "Carlos, you're the most incredible person I know. You're kind, passionate, and you never give up, whether it's on the track or trying to convince me that paella is a breakfast food."

You raised your glass, "To Carlos, the love of my life and the smoothest operator I know. Happy 30th birthday, mi amor. May your future be as bright as your smile and your pit stops be faster than your hair routine."

As you finished, Carlos stood up, his eyes shining with laughter and love. He pulled you into a tight embrace as the room filled with applause and cheers.

"I love you so much," he whispered into your ear, kissing your temple softly.

"Well, folks, I think we've successfully roasted Carlos to a crisp," you said with a grin. "But before we wrap up, I think it's only fair that the birthday boy gets a chance to respond. Carlos, amor, the floor is yours!"

"Wow," he began, his accent thicker than usual, "I'm not sure whether to feel honored or insulted. But I guess that's the point of a roast, right?" He paused as chuckles rippled through the room. "First off, I want to thank all of you for being here. It means a lot that you'd all take time out of your busy schedules to come and insult me."

Carlos thanked each of his friends with a blend of humor and sincerity, making everyone laugh. He playfully teased Charles about making him look good on track, jested with Lando about the success of his Spanish pickup lines with you, and expressed gratitude to Fernando for his mentorship while vowing to become the best Sainz in motorsports.

"And finally, to my beautiful girlfriend," Carlos's voice softened as he looked at you, "Thank you for organizing this amazing night, and for putting up with me every day. You're the real smooth operator here."

The room erupted in cheers and applause as Carlos stepped down from the stage. You met him halfway, wrapping your arms around him in a tight hug once again.

"Happy birthday, amor," you whispered in his ear, pulling away to kiss him softly.

[pseudowho]

Hiromi Higuruma Relationship HCs

(help me find the Higuruma artist in the banner, for crediting and thanks/permission!)

For our other favourite tuckered-out hardworking man of JJK...

+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+

- First of all, this man knows he's intense. Whether he's tired of life, or fighting for someone's life, he worries he's just going to cause a partner stress, so he generally avoids relationships. -Not that he doesn't want a relationship, he does; but he knows he wants someone smart, someone who can see the dark comedy of life, and someone who can argue. - Because let's face it - Hiromi Higuruma will argue with anyone about anything He needs someone to share his burning passion; it doesn't have to be about the same thing. - He feels like his standards are unrealistically high, and he won't make these demands of someone, he needs it to happen organically.

✨ and then Hiromi Higuruma finds you ✨

- You're in front of him in the line at the bar, having a fight with the guy in front of you, who was rude to the girl on the tills - And you just roast this guy - Hiromi's having the time of his life, he only wanted a beer but now he's getting a whole show - This guy crawls off, having been used to mop the floor, and you just shake it off, leaning over the bar to apologise to the girl on the tills, and order your drink - Higuruma leans past you; "I'll get hers" - You look at him, and he holds his hands up placatingly; "With no expectation," he says, "nice work with that arsehole. Have one on me." - So obviously, you talk all night - The bar staff come over in the small hours and hoik you out, because you're still talking; Higuruma is smitten- you're witty, dry, bright and immediately happy to talk about bigger things, and he feels so alive - You go out, and it's freezing, and Hiromi feels awkward and guilty for keeping you out so late - Gives you his jacket to keep you warm while he gets you home safely - Sad to leave you at your door, doesn't think to ask you for your number, because he just doesn't see someone seeing him that way until--

- "All that, and you don't even ask me for my number?"

- He stutters - No Higuruma left, brain gone walkies - You tap your number into his phone, doing the drop-call in case Higuruma doesn't

✨ You fall first, but Higuruma falls harder

- To save himself from disappointment, Higuruma insists to himself through so many coffee dates and dinners, trips to museums and galleries, and long walks in the park, that you're just friends - He's so used to crushing disappointment at work, he can't take it from you too - Until one day as you're raging against the machine to him, the love hits him like a bus - You're just waiting for the train to arrive together - And he leans in and kisses you, so softly but so convicted - The train whooshes into the station, rushing you both with warm air, but you're so lost in each other, one of his hands on your waist now to bring you closer while yours tangles in his hair to pull his lips harder to yours, because - Finally - You thought he'd never make a move

✨ After this, you're inseparable; as far as Higuruma is concerned, the hardest part (working out if you're in love) is done. He's absolutely decided you're the one, so that's settled, the man knows his own damn mind

- And he treats you like a man who knows what he wants - He's totally committed, but not showy - This man absolutely has your back, through thick and thin - Will fight your fights for you, but knows he doesn't have to - You read together, a lot. He massages your feet on his lap while you counsel him through the difficulties of another tricky case. You take long baths, working through at least one bottle of wine together, and his foot creeps past you to turn the hot tap on again because he's not ready to get out yet. - Higuruma takes it as a personal insult when you're sad, or upset, or have had a bad day, and curses the cruel world you live in for upsetting you...while throwing blankets over you, making you tea, making sure the house is tidy - Making you happy is his pride and duty - But if you do argue, it absolutely must be resolved. This man will not tolerate silent treatments or going to bed unhappy with each other, anything that can be talked through will be talked through - Absolutely loves quietly ragging on strangers with you, this man gets life from the absurd comedy of people-watching bad or stupid people - Always the first to put the kettle on if you have tea to spill - His bad days are bad, and sometimes his anger at the world seems so great, he must surely be angry at you too - But you stay patient, reassuring, a lighthouse in his darkness and God does he adore you for it - Once this man has decided to commit to you, there is no changing his mind, you've got to ride this one your whole life now

✨ NSFW ✨

- Fairly tall, slim, average guy build. The kind of soft abs of a guy who works like a racehorse - Secretly packing - His big dick energy in Court translates across - His breakdown in his 30s makes him pretty unashamed to tell you what he wants and give you what you want in the bedroom - Views it as an absolute personal failing if he doesn't make you cum at least twice - I mean come on, there's enough injustice in the world without bad sex - Loves it when you ride him after a long day at work, but he'll get mean if he thinks you're slacking - "*sigh* I know you fuck as well as you fight, so is that what you want? A fight?" - Full of praise when you bounce that pussy up and down his cock, stroking your hips and clit, determined you should share your pleasure - Also, sneak into his office at the courts, I dare you - Mother Justice looking down on you with her scales as you take his beautiful cock into your mouth while Higuruma moans without shame; or, the Newton's Cradle on his desk clattering as Higuruma bends you over, absolutely railing you with a wild look in his eyes, holding his black hair out of his eyes with one hand while he squeezes your arse with another, secretly hoping his colleagues are drinking in your squeaks and whimpers outside the door

(they are and they're so pleased) (Higuruma has looked stressed out lately) (maybe a good fuck will cheer him up)

- When he has had a very bad day prepare to be outrageously overstimulated by him, his lips and tongue and that nose working on your clit over and over while you cry and reach out for purchase on anything while you cum over and over, tears dripping back into your hair - "Can't do it? Nonsense. Hold onto the headboard. I won't be done for a while."

Overall, 10/10, husband material if you can weather those storms.

[one-time-i-dreamt]

Hayden Christensen and Ewan MacGregor had some kind of a live show. I expected it to be stand-up comedy but it was literally just them with mics roasting each other for like 20 minutes in front of a very hyped studio audience. Hayden was wearing gold sequined pants.

[pepi1989]

can you do dating marcello head canons

Dating Marcello Hernandez Headcanons

Constant Laughter: Marcello is hilarious, both on and off the stage. Dating him means you're always in stitches, whether he's cracking jokes about everyday things or making fun of his own clumsy moments. You’re his favorite audience, and he loves seeing you laugh more than anything.

Supportive Partner: He’s super supportive of your dreams and ambitions. Even though he has a busy schedule with comedy gigs and acting, he makes time to listen to your goals, hype you up, and offer encouragement when you need it. Marcello’s genuinely invested in your success and never misses a chance to remind you of how amazing you are.

Impromptu Dance Sessions: He randomly bursts into dance whenever a song comes on that he likes, and pulls you into the fun. His moves are either really smooth or goofy, depending on his mood, but either way, it leads to spontaneous dance parties in the living room or even in the middle of the street.

Date Nights with a Twist: Marcello loves to keep things interesting when it comes to date nights. One day it might be a fancy dinner, the next he’s taking you to an open mic night where he’ll casually roast himself in front of a crowd, or even a late-night food truck run where he tries to order for you in a ridiculous accent. The variety keeps your relationship exciting.

Goofy Texts All Day: His text messages are either memes, funny videos, or random thoughts that make no sense but somehow always make you smile. He’s the type to text you a photo of an ostrich and be like, “This reminded me of you.”

Protective in the Sweetest Way: Marcello might be a comedian, but he’s also a bit protective of you in the best way. Whether it’s making sure you’re comfortable in social settings or standing up for you when someone oversteps, he’s got your back. It’s never overbearing, just that quiet reassurance that he’s always in your corner.

Never a Dull Moment: You’re never bored with Marcello. Whether it’s traveling for his shows or him introducing you to new things, there’s always some spontaneous adventure waiting. Sometimes it’s as simple as him suggesting a new hobby, like trying out a cooking class or going hiking even though he’s not the outdoorsy type.

Romantic Surprises: He may be a jokester, but Marcello has a romantic side he brings out when you least expect it. Small gestures like leaving cute notes, randomly bringing you your favorite snacks, or planning surprise dates to places that mean something to you both show how thoughtful he is.

Family Guy: Marcello is super close with his family, and that love extends to you. You’re welcomed with open arms by his family, and Marcello makes sure you feel like part of the crew. He talks about his roots with pride, and bringing you into that part of his life is a big deal for him.

Inside Jokes for Days: Over time, you two develop a vault of inside jokes that no one else would understand. He’ll say one word or give you a look, and you instantly crack up, leaving everyone around you confused. Your connection is filled with those small, silly moments that make your relationship special.

He’s Your Biggest Fan: Whatever you’re passionate about, Marcello is right there, cheering you on like it’s his job. Whether it's a hobby, your career, or a personal goal, he’s always there to support and celebrate your victories (and help you through the tough spots).

Cuddles and Comfort: Despite his busy, high-energy persona, Marcello loves quiet, intimate moments. After a long day, he’s the first to wrap you up in his arms on the couch and just relax. He might play with your hair or make sure you’re cozy with a blanket as you watch your favorite shows together.

Always Trying to Impress You: Even after you’re together for a while, Marcello will still try to impress you. Whether it’s pulling off a joke that took him forever to perfect or showing off his cooking skills (which may or may not need work), he wants to make sure he’s keeping the spark alive and showing how much he cares.

Late-Night Talks: Some of the best moments are your late-night conversations, where Marcello drops the funny guy act and gets real with you. Whether you’re talking about your dreams, fears, or just reminiscing about the day, these quiet, vulnerable moments make you fall for him even more.

Lighthearted Teasing: He’s always playfully teasing you, but in the most loving way. It’s never mean-spirited, just his way of keeping things fun. He loves seeing how flustered you get when he calls you out on something silly you did, but you always know it’s all in good fun.

Public Displays of Affection (But in His Own Way): He’s not one to shy away from holding your hand in public or wrapping an arm around you, but Marcello’s version of PDA also includes playfully embarrassing you, like doing something goofy when you’re in a serious moment, just to make you laugh.

[riacte]

false calling watching ren fail like watching her favourite comedy show 😭 and she just called him bin juice. the roasting never stops

false: you and iskall are buds tho

ren: but we're HOMIES

[ghoulytheghost]

Haikyuu characters as things that happened at my high school

this is all 100% acurate cause i said so

Goshiki - Got made fun of by a teacher who convinces him that theres a type of fish that lives in the ceiling and he wholeheartedly believes it

Hinata - This guy that climbed into a fenced off area and fell into a pond in the middle of the school day

Yamaguchi - Someone got kicked out of the lesson for coughing too much and 'disrupting class'

Lev - Did a way too harsh, really bad comedy roast for all of the teachers as an act in the school talent show and got in trouble for it

Yamamoto - Because trainers were banned at the school he tried to start a 'trainers rebellion' by convincing the whole school to wear trainers one day because 'they can't stop us all' but it failed spectacularly

Hoshiumi - Climbs over the 7 foot fence in the middle of lunch to get a ball that got kicked over

Hanamaki and Matsukawa (they team up for this one) - This guy who ran a secret sweet selling business where he sold overpriced mostly american sweets to people during class, with a dedicated Instagram business account and everything

Atsumu - Got his pencil case thrown in the bin by a teacher cause he was being THAT annoying

Tanaka and Noya - A teacher thought they were using coughs to communicate during a test (they weren't) and she started screaming at the whole class and ripped up their papers (it was so bad another teacher had to come take over her class so she had time to clam down)

Daichi - My friend that got coerced into being the answer machine voice for the school phone number, and suga calls it up on speaker to embarrass him

Terushima - A guy asked me and my friend out and when we both said no he assumed we were just in a lesbian relationship that he hadn't heard about

[agentlizardofowca]

Me when I write 50k word fanfics where Perry can talk: 😊 Me when Disney makes Perry talk: I am feeling very conflicted about this. I am glad the chibisodes are non-canonical, because I really feel that it breaks with Perry's core characteristics. He is a muppet, there is no need for him to talk because he can convey everything he has to by simply conveying his mood in such a way that Heinz (who knows him very, very well) knows exactly what he is trying to convey. Part of his character is his frustration of being a mute platypus in a big uncaring world full of humans who underestimate him at every turn. Even (Especially) Monogram is guilty of this. Having him speak is one thing, but the episode is centered around roasting Doofenschmirtz, and I assume Perry will say something nice about his nemesis in some way. But the idea that Perry will only ever speak a handful of sentences and they are all meant to make fun of the man with -7 self esteem upsets me. I understand that roasts are a common type of comedy in America, but does Heinz really need to be roasted? Isn't the show a roast in and of itself with how many people already make fun of him in some way? He gets called stupid, ugly, annoying, etc all the time. He even does it to himself. Is it strictly necessary to for Perry to speak to make fun of Heinz? I am not so sure. However, I am just going to accept whatever happens in the short. It's not canonical and just for fun. But I really hope it is a one time things. And perhaps the episode throws us a curve ball, who knows what will happen?