#Chim says some words

[chimerical-creations]

GUESS WHAT GUESS WHAT GUESS WHAT GUESS WHAT

Yule has come a smidge early for me. :D

The makerspace has acquired a spiffy brand-new Summa S One D60 vinyl cutter.

Spent yesterday assembling the stand, then had to go home because of boring shit like "needs to eat food occasionally", but today?

Ohhh, today.

Today is PLAYTIME.

[dragonfang-photography]

Have started work on the next photo batch but it might be a few days before they start getting posted. May space out the uploads more than usual because there are a lot of really fucking big panoramas in this next set. Those will take some time to assemble and edit.

[buckleydiazincorrect]

*3am on a q-word shift, everyones still awake for unrelated sleep issues - its been silent for 15 minutes*

Ravi: here’s a fun question

Bobby: oh god here we go

Ravi: if you were in a BDSM relationship, would you be the dom or the sub?

Chim: sub, definitely. but maybe like a hint of brat, testing the limits of what i can get away with or some shit

Ravi: i can see that

Hen: i’d probably flip between the two depending on the vibe ya know? its nice to be taken care of sometimes but also being in charge? nice

Ravi: good answer

Eddie: dom i think? i refuse to elaborate

Ravi: no elaboration necessary, you are definitely a dom

Buck: *deep in thought*

Ravi: buck?

Buck: oh umm yeah i dunno probably-

HenChimEddie: sub

Ravi: that makes sense

Buck: i’d try to argue with you but i am at least partially self aware

Hen: oh yeah?

Buck: yeah like if someone wants to choke me, throw me around a little, or smack me until i cry, go ahead. but like can you at least toss me a good boy once in a while? dare i say, call me pretty? i’m literally begging you to fuck me at this point, a compliment won’t kill you

Ravi: i bet you’d get so many good boys

Bobby: *on the verge of tears* HR is terrified of you people

[achilles-rage]

Protect You, Always

summary: you meet your boyfriend and the rest of the 118 at a bar after work. everything is going well until buck has to pry some creep off of you.

word count: 2.9k

request: anon- i wanna see sum protective buck kind of stuff, maybe the same as the twelfth chapter where’s buck is defending her, maybe with different plots

a/n: i am SO sorry this took so long anon!! i love protective buck, he makes me feral, so thank you for requesting!! enjoy!!<33

warnings: creepy man gets grabby, no use of y/n, fem!reader, plus size!reader, race inclusive!reader

You walk into the bar with a smile, eyes darting around the dimly lit building to try to spot your boyfriend in the crowd. He and his coworkers agreed to meet here after their shift, and he invited you along, knowing that his friends would love to see you, and vice versa. You begin to pull your phone out of the back pocket of your jeans, eyes still scanning the crowd as you get ready to text Buck. You finally spot him, though, and his face lights up when he makes eye contact with you. 

You weave your way through the crowd, slipping your phone back into your pocket as you go. You mumble quick apologies as you squeeze your way past people, silently wondering why the hell there’s so many people here tonight. Usually, this place is pretty lowkey, but tonight, you can feel something in the air that is making the people of LA even crazier than usual. Must be the full moon, which Buck has told you everything about. 

“Hi, baby.” Buck whispers in your ear as he wraps his arms around your shoulders, pulling you into him. You wrap your arms around his torso as you nuzzle into his chest. No matter how many times he’s gone to work since you’ve started dating, you still feel an overwhelming sense of calm when you finally see him again; knowing that he’s made it home in one piece.

“Hi, my love.” you reply, angling your head up just slightly so he can hear you over the chatter and music of the bar.

“You want a drink?” Buck asks once he pulls away, moving his hand from your shoulder down to your hand. You nod, smiling as he gives your hand one firm squeeze. “The usual?” You nod again, and he gives you a wink, leaning down to give you a gentle kiss on the forehead before he journeys across the bar to get you your drink of choice. 

You say hello to Hen, Bobby, and Eddie as Buck gets your drink, easily falling into conversation with them as they watch and laugh at Chim and Maddie playing pool very competitively. You laugh when you see Maddie sink yet another ball, and Chimney begins to complain very loudly that Maddie’s cheating as she does a little celebratory dance along to the music blaring from the speakers above.

Buck slows his pace as he walks back with your drink and a refill for himself, a smile growing on his face as he takes in the scene. You fit in so well with his family, and his heart swells at the sight of you, head tilted back as you laugh along with everyone else. 

He hands you your drink, and you mumble a quick thank you as you keep your eyes on what Chimney calls his “comeback shot.” He’s completely focused as he bends forward slightly, eyes trained on the planned path of the cue ball, and you all go quiet, you and Hen grabbing each other’s hands and holding them up near your chest as you watch. When he finally hits the ball, it goes a little crooked, making him miss the shot, and he groans loudly, throwing his hands up in the air as he turns away. You and Hen let out disappointed sounds as your hands fall back down to your sides, and you lean back into Buck, looking up at him with a lovestruck expression.

“I’m glad you’re here.” Buck whispers into your ear. His arm instinctively moves to wrap around your plush middle as he pulls you further back into him, and you hum softly in agreement, leaning your head back against his chest.

“How was your shift?” you ask, turning your head and tilting your chin up to face him. He shrugs, a smile forming on his face. “It was better than how the next shift is probably gonna go. Chim’s a sore loser, and he’s never gonna let me hear the end of ‘my sister cheating.’” he teases, his smile widening as he feels the vibrations of your laugh against his broad chest.

“Like you haven’t held anything against him like that.” you reply in the same tone, raising a brow. He scoffs, rolling his eyes as he looks away.

“That’s not the point.” he murmurs just loud enough for you to hear before taking a sip of his beer. The smile he was fighting erupts on his face when he hears you laugh again, looking at you over the bottle and giving you a wink.

“So, what is the point?” you ask as you turn in his grip, wrapping your arms around his neck. He shrugs, his hands moving to your hips, one squeezing your soft flesh while the other rests the side of his bottle on the fabric of your jeans.

“That you look gorgeous tonight.” he says in a suggestive tone, although it comes out as more of a question. You smile, averting your gaze as your cheeks heat up from the compliment. No matter how many times he compliments you, you can’t help but feel giddy.

“Nice deflection.” you tease, tilting your head to the side as you look back up into his eyes. You begin to gently sway side to side along to the music floating through the air around you, almost as if acting as a blanket to shield your moment from those around you.

He shrugs, a smirk forming on his face before he leans down to give you a sweet kiss, melting into your arms as he feels the tension from his shift slowly releasing from his body. He’s not sure how you do it, but he always feels like you’re able to lift the problems off his shoulders when he’s in your arms.

You’re ripped away from your moment when you hear Chimney calling your name desperately. You break apart from Buck’s embrace and turn to face Chimney with a smile, raising a brow.

“Come play with me. You’re the only other one that knows how it is to put up with a Buckley like I do.” You laugh, giving Maddie a knowing look as she hands you the cue stick with a roll of her eyes. She goes over and stands with Buck, and both of them look at you and Chimney beginning a new game with fond looks. 

Your game is far less competitive than the one before, as neither you nor Chimney feel the need to beat each other. Even so, you can hear Buck and Maddie arguing with each other after each turn, telling the other person that a good hit didn’t count, and a bad hit deserves a redo. You all know that their argument isn’t serious; they both have small smiles on their faces, but it’s still entertaining to watch. 

The game is at a standstill as Buck argues that you deserve a redo for missing the ball when you tried to shoot. You were laughing so hard at their antics that your hand slipped and made you just barely graze the cue ball, and while you were willing to give up your turn, as you were already losing by a long shot, Buck clearly has other plans.

“I’m gonna go get a refill. You want anything?” you ask Chimney, and he shakes his head. 

“I wouldn’t come back if I were you. We’ll be here all night.” he teases, and you laugh as you shrug at his words.

“They could be arguing about who gives a better performance during karaoke. Could be worse.” you tell him. He hums in agreement, shaking his head as he laughs at the memory of their very long argument about it. While Maddie is a far better singer than Buck, he argues that he makes up for it with his “moves and face.”

You make your way to the bar; the voices of your friends being drowned out as you get further away from them. By the time you’re at the bar, you’re listening to a woman begging her friend for her phone back so she can call her ex, which makes you laugh. You wait at the bar for the bartender to make his way to you, and as you stand there, you feel a presence appear beside you.

You turn your head slightly; just enough to see the man from the corner of your eye, but he takes this clear sign that you don’t want to talk as an invitation.

“Come here often?” he purrs, leaning against the bar on his elbow. You scoff, shaking your head as you let out a quiet laugh. You turn your head to face him, raising a brow.

“Did you really just try to use that line?” you ask in disbelief. He’s cute, you guess, but he’s nowhere as attractive as Buck. And either way, nothing he could say would make you actually want to leave with him.

Although your eyes show clear signs of disinterest, he sees the way you turn to face him, and he smirks. Clearly to him, you want him to keep talking. He had been watching you all night, and although he saw you with Buck, he still decides to take a chance now that you’re alone.

“Why, is it gonna work?” he asks suggestively, sliding impossibly closer to you. You can feel his cologne burning your nose, and it takes everything in you to scrunch your face up and tell him to fuck off. You don’t though, instead giving him the benefit of the doubt; that he hadn’t seen you with your boyfriend earlier.

“Absolutely not. Sorry.” you tell him with an apologetic, yet vaguely fake smile. He smirks, running his tongue along the inside of his cheek as he leans down to whisper in your ear.

“You wanna get out of here?” This man clearly doesn’t know when to stop, you think. Did he seriously think you saying “absolutely not” was you begging him to take you back to his place?

“I’m good, actually.” you tell him, turning to try to get the bartender’s attention. You can feel unease creeping into your belly, and you can see the way his eyes travel down to your tits when your eyes move away from his frame. His smirk drops at your words, and he leans down so his face is right beside yours, the alcohol on his breath filling your nose and making your stomach churn.

“I think you’re lying. You just want me to keep trying.” he purrs, raising two fingers to the side of your jaw and tilting your head back to face him. You move your face out of his grasp, leaning back and off of the bar as you see that his nose is practically touching yours. You feel bile crawling up your throat as your eyes dart around the bar, trying desperately to meet one of your friends’ eyes, if not Buck’s. 

“Come on, sweetheart. I know you’re desperate for it.” he says in a slightly condescending tone. Your brows furrow at his words. What the hell is he talking about? He grabs your wide hips roughly when you don’t respond right away, his words shocking you to silence. He pulls you against him, pushing himself against you at the same time, and your hands immediately go to his chest to push him away. He’s not exactly a big guy, but he must clearly have muscles under his shirt, as he barely budges at your desperate attempt to create some space between you two.

“I have a boyfriend.” you tell him, your voice just loud enough for him to hear over the loud voices around you. Your eyes keep searching around the bar to anyone that will look at you. Surely, someone will help you. But no one looks. Everyone is in their own little world as they continue to talk and sway to the music with the people they came with.

“Well, he shouldn’t have left you alone.” he whispers into your ear, leaning down to place a hot kiss against your neck. You flinch as his lips make contact with your skin, trying desperately to wiggle out of his grip as his lips burn your skin. You want to find Buck, you want to launch yourself into his arms and never let go, but first, you need to get away from this creep. 

“Hey! Get your hands off of her!” you suddenly hear over the music, and you sigh, head turning to see Buck stomping toward you. You barely even notice Bobby and Eddie a few steps behind him, immediately following him when they saw his body get tense and his fists clench at his sides.

You let out a sigh of relief as you feel the man ripped away from you, watching with wide eyes as Buck stares the man down and pushes his chest a few times.

“You confused about the word ‘no?’ Mean’s she doesn’t fucking want you.” he seethes. You gasp as Buck raises a fist, ready to punch the man, but Eddie and Bobby are rushing to him immediately and pulling him back. You almost laugh when you see the man use this chance as a time to scurry away, weaving himself through the crowd and toward the exit. 

You take a few steps toward Buck, then wrap your arms around his torso, sniffling softly as a few tears fall from your eyes. Now that the threat is gone, you can’t help the tears from falling. You can’t imagine what might’ve happened if Buck hadn’t seen you.

“Shh. I got you, baby.” he whispers into your ear, his body relaxing slightly as he wraps his arms around you. He rubs your back slowly, chin resting on the top of your head as you try to catch your breath through your tears. 

“Can we go home?” you ask him softly, looking up at him through your lashes. He nods immediately, one hand moving to your cheek to wipe your tears. “Of course, baby.” he replies in a similar tone. He leans down to kiss your forehead, then looks up at Bobby and Eddie, who nod before he has a chance to speak. He gives them a tight-lipped smile, then turns you both towards the exit. 

Once you’re out of the loud bar, he stops you, putting his hands on your arms and turning you to face him. He looks down at your sad, scared expression and your shaky hands and his heart breaks. He should’ve been there, he thinks.

“Are you okay?” he asks in a gentle tone. You nod slowly, letting in a shaky breath as you try to slow your racing heart. “I’m sorry, sweet girl. I should’ve-” You cut him off before he can say anything else, shaking your head.

“It’s not your fault. You were talking to Maddie, and I wanted to get another drink.” you tell him, sniffling softly between sentences. He sighs, bringing you in for another tight hug. You melt into his arms again, your body relaxing completely now that the sounds from the bar are no longer pounding against your skull and you’re back in the safety of Buck’s arms.

“But I could’ve-” he whispers, but you shake your head again, speaking before he can.

“No. Baby, it’s fine. You got there before anything could really happen. And you’re here now, so you can take me home.” you tell him, your last sentence almost coming out as a question. You tilt your head up to look at him, resting your chin on his chest, and he gives you a troubled smile as he nods. 

“Okay. Let’s get you home.” 

He leads you to his jeep with a hand firmly around your shoulders, almost as if shielding you from the world. If it were up to him, he would keep you within arm’s reach, or at least within eyesight from now on, but he knows that’s unrealistic. 

Once you’re in the jeep and safely buckled, he moves around to the driver's side and gets in. Once his seatbelt is buckled and the jeep is in drive he puts a hand on your thigh, his grip tight as he thinks about that man’s hands on you. While he knows Bobby and Eddie had good reason to pull him away before he could get a punch in, he wishes he could’ve fucking killed him for even thinking about doing that to a woman, let alone you. 

He helps you out of the car and up to his apartment when he’s parked in his parking spot, and then you both change into comfy clothes before you cuddle up on the couch. He puts on a movie, but his focus is on you, how your head is resting on his shoulder and your hand is tightly gripping the front of his hoodie. He kisses your temple, trying to read the expression on your face to make sure you’re really alright before he hesitantly moves his gaze to the tv. 

“Thank you.” you mumble, not even bothering to tear your gaze from the tv as you speak. He squeezes your shoulder, shaking his head.

“You don’t need to thank me, baby. I’ll protect my girl. Always.” he tells you earnestly, and he means it. If you were to be in any kind of danger, he knows he’d do just about anything to make sure he’s in between you and the thing threatening to cause you harm.

notes: likes/comments/reblogs would be much appreciated if you liked this<33

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[elliethefroggy]

Buck doesn’t let his jealousy get the better of him, doesn’t body check Eddie at the basket ball match, Tommy doesn’t go over to his apartment, there is no kiss, Tommy does not ask Buck out on a date.

What happens instead is this:

Tommy becomes an honorary 118 member, starts hanging out more and more with everyone from 118. By extension, Tommy starts spending more and more time around Buck. Tommy finds it very inconvenient when he starts crushing on a supposedly straight Buck (Tommy tries to resist but that resistance crumbles every time Buck smiles at him).

Queue Tommy secretly pining over Buck, and sighing longingly whenever he catches a glimpse of Buck.

Now in my mind, Tommy and Chimney remained pretty close after Tommy left, close enough for Tommy to drop everything the moment Chim calls to steal a helicopter. Chim also undoubtebly knows about Tommy’s sexuality.

This means that Chim is witness to Tommy’s pathetic pining. This also means that Chim is there to catch Tommy spending far too much time looking longingly at Buck’s various assets.

“Buck’s going to remain straight no matter how long you stare at his ass,” Chim reminds Tommy. This is not the first time Chim has had to remind Tommy of this.

Tommy sighs despondently, “I know. Doesn’t mean I can’t admire the view.”

“This wouldn’t be nearly as difficult if Evan didn’t have both gorgeous looks and gorgeous personality,” Tommy says one night at a bar. Being a good friend, Chim has started taking Tommy out whenever Buck’s straightness becomes too much for Tommy to bear.

“He’s just so adorable,” Tommy continues.

“I know, buddy,” Chim says, patting Tommy on the back (Chim has also had to pat Tommy on the back a lot as of late).

“Are we sure Evan’s straight?” Tommy asks after the first beer.

Chim, with absolute certainty, says “Yes, now get over yourself, you sad, sad man.” And then Chim buys Tommy another beer because he’s a good friend.

And because Chim is such an amazing friend, Chim can’t help but pay attention whenever Buck and Tommy interact, mostly to make sure Tommy doesn’t make too much of a fool of himself.

Which means he’s also watching Buck, and he’s watching Buck watch Tommy.

And that’s when the doubt creeps in.

Chim’s known Buck for a few years now, has seen what Buck is like around women he’s attracted to, knows what Buck’s pining face looks like.

And he’s seeing that face now whenever Buck looks over at Tommy.

At first Chim doesn’t believe his eyes, figuring that listening to Tommy compliment every single aspect of Buck from his eyelashes to his laugh has corrupted Chim’s brain, making Chim see things that aren’t there.

Because Buck’s straight.

Right?

The more Chim watches, the less he’s sure. Because there’s Buck being somehow both endearingly awkward and seamlessly smooth around Tommy. There’s Buck spending way to long gazing into Tommy’s eyes, and staring at Tommy whenever Tommy’s not looking. There’s Buck zeroing in on Tommy every time Tommy enters the room; There’s Buck holding onto every word coming out Tommy’s mouth. There’s Buck laughing at every one of Tommy’s jokes (and, sure, Tommy’s a funny guy with a real dry sense of humour, but he’s not that funny).

If Chimney didn’t know any better, he would say that Tommy’s not the only one who’s got a crush.

All signs are pointing to Buck wanting to hold Tommy’s hand, go on romantic walks along the beach with Tommy, as well as do more than PG13 things to Tommy.

Does Tommy actually stand a chance?

Chim doesn’t want to get Tommy’s hopes up straight away. He needs to make sure that his hunch is correct. He needs to gather more data.

So Chim starts inviting Buck and Tommy everywhere he can think of, and then pretends to take a really long time in the bathroom so that Buck and Tommy can have some alone time while Chim is hiding behind a bush or a potted plant depending on the location, spying on them.

Tommy, because he’s a very observant person, notices Chim in the bush with binoculars pointed at where Tommy and Buck are seated, and confronts Chimney after Buck has gone home.

And Chim can’t keep a secret for shit, so of course he tells Tommy about his doubtS even though he really doesn't want to disappoint Tommy if it turns out that his hunch is wrong.

“I’ll keep investigating,” Chimney says, once again patting Tommy on the back, watching hope bloom on Tommy’s face.

Chim continues inviting Tommy and Buck to hang out, sometimes inviting others as well to avoid suspicion (Buck isn’t suspicious at all, but Hen has start narrowing her eyes at Chimney).

Tommy calls it torture, Chim call it science. Oblivious Buck is just concerned about the amount of time Chim spends in the bathroom. He asks Chimney if Chim’s having any any bowel problems. Chimney insists he doesn’t, but Buck figures Chim’s either putting on a brave face or is too embarrassed. Buck doesn’t bring it up again, but he does leaves some pamplets regarding bowel problems and their causes in Chim’s locker as well as sends Chim links to various medical websites.

Chim is mortified. Tommy finds it hilarious. Chim decides to attempt a different approach.

To try and throw Hen off the sent and to further advance his research, he gets Karen to drag them all to a gay bar to see how Buck reacts around other queer men (Karen is very amiable once Chim tells her of his suspicions; she always enjoys gossip).

Chim and Karen sit opposite Tommy and Buck, the better to observe them. Eddie, poor confused Eddie had to be discretely elbowed aside when he tried to sit next to Buck, and has been dragged next to Karen, supposedly so that Karen can arrange a play-date between Christoper, Denny and Mara. Though Karen is paying much more attention to Buck’s every micro-expressions than any word coming out of Eddie’s mouth.

Unfortunately, the gay club is a bust because Buck’s too busy learning about monster trucks from Tommy to pay attention to any other attractive man at in the bar. It’s hard to tell if Buck’s attention is due to an attraction to Tommy or if he’s just really interested in soaking up new information in that spongy brain of his.

Chim starts leaving queer memoirs scattered around the fire station (Karen gives excellent book recommendations).

Chim starts commenting on attractive men they see on the tele when it’s a particularly slow day at the station. He does this to such an extent that some of the members of B shift are wondering if Chim’s the one with a case of latent bisexuality. That thought is strengthened in their minds when Chimney starts bringing some those magazines with the romance quizzes in them: ‘Best guy for you’; ‘Your ideal guy’; ‘What your celebrity crushes say about your love life’; ‘Take this quiz to reveal your partner’s star sign’; etc.

Then Chim very loudly goes on about how gay and single Tommy is whenever Buck is in earshot (and now some of B shift think Chim’s planning on leaving Maddie for Tommy).

The first time Chim brings up how gay and single Tommy is, Tommy takes him aside to ask him what the hell that was about.

Chim says in response, “Listen, if Buck isn’t 100% straight, he needs to be aware that you’re on the market so that he doesn’t go check out all the other male fish in the sea.”

Buck doesn’t make a big deal out of Tommy being gay, acts his usual self. Though he does manage to slip into conversation that he’s an ally. And when Buck does that, Tommy feel his hope to one day hold Buck’s hand during a romantic sunset walk along the beach shrivels up a little inside him. Chim gives Tommy yet another commiserating pat on the back, and takes Tommy to a bar later that night so that Tommy can drink his problems away.

Meanwhile, Buck knows that Tommy being gay isn’t a big deal, but for some reason Buck can’t stop thinking about it.

It’s not like he’s ever had a problem with anyone’s sexuality before, so what is it about Tommy?

And representation really does matter. Here Buck is, being confronted with a Man, a big, muscular man like himself, who enjoys going to the gym like himself, who’s in a similar profession to him. And this man is gay.

And that’s going to cause something in his mind to shift. Maybe he doesn’t notice that shift at first, maybe it’s only subconsciously.

Maybe he’s going to start picking up a few of those memoirs that Chim’s been leaving around; Buck’s always been fond of non-fiction after all.

Maybe he’s going to ask Hen and Karen about their experiences figuring out their sexuality, their coming out stories (during this conversation, Karen will be staring intently at Buck, looking for any signs of the queer thoughts Buck may or may not be having).

(Chim is very happy with this because pointedly asking Hen and Karen about their queer experience was next on his game plan.)

Buck doesn’t ask Tommy about his sexuality though, not yet at least. Buck can’t seem to bring himself to ask Tommy. Though he doesn’t know why.

Then Buck does as Buck does best and goes on a research binge about all the different sexualities, but more specifically bisexuality (I imagine there is at least one sexuality quiz during that research binge).

And, at the end of that research binge, the results are conclusive. Buck is bisexual. Maybe he says that out loud in his empty apartment “I am bisexual” and it feels right and it feels so very exciting.

Once he realises that he’s bisexual, a lot of things start making sense. Including Tommy’s ass. Tommy’s very fine ass that Buck can’t help but stare at. And Tommy’s eyes. And Tommy’s hands as well. And Tommy’s laugh; And definitely Tommy’s smile. Basically all of Tommy.

Buck keeps his newly discovered sexuality to himself for a bit, wanting some time to himself to live in this new reality of his, basking in this new part of himself.

Also so that he can spend a few days staring at attractive guys without any knowing looks from his loved ones.

Turns out he spends most of those few days staring at Tommy which, again, makes sense.

Because he is such an open book, it doesn’t take Buck long to come out.

He decides to tell everyone at the next get-together. They’re all outside, having another barbecue at Bobby’s and Athena’s. Tommy is also present for this.

Everyone is of course supportive and happy for Buck. Chim is forcing himself to stay still, even though he really wants to jump up and down, high-five Karen, high-five Tommy, and then shove Tommy in Buck’s lap.

Meanwhile, Tommy is in his chair, having a deer-in-the headlights moment, staring up at Buck, wide-eyed, slightly pale, a forkful of potato salad halfway to his mouth. Tommy is so frozen that Chim has to nudge him so that his fork continues its journey to his mouth.

Tommy chews on the potatoes mechanically, no longer paying attention to the delicious taste that he’d been previously enjoying, too busy trying to act normal and trying to rein in his growing hope. By Chim’s side-eyes, Tommy isn’t doing a great job.

As the night goes on, Tommy forces himself to not approach Buck no matter how much he wants to, mostly because has forgotten how to act like a normal human being.

But then Buck is right there, in front of him.

“Hey,” Buck says.

“Hi,” Tommy replies. So far so good.

Buck is looking at him, and Tommy is trying to remember what he’s meant to do with his hands.

“Congratulations,” Tommy forces out because congratulations are definitely in order, “How are you feeling?” He asks, genuinely curious.

“Good,” Buck says in that sincere way that comes so naturally to him.

“Yeah?

“Yeah, great. I feel, I don’t know, lighter I guess. I mean, I’m still me, but now I know why I spend so much time staring at men’s asses.”

Tommy snorts, “Yeah, I know the feeling.”

There’s a pause. Buck’s staring at Tommy, and Tommy’s staring at Buck, and neither want to look away.

“Hey,” Buck finally says, “tell me if I’m completely off base, but there’s this little Italian restaurant I’ve been meaning to try, and I was wondering if you’d want to come with me.” Buck stops, swallows. Tommy watches his adam’s apple move. Buck continues “Like, as a date.”

Tommy forces his eyes back up away from Buck’s neck.

“A date?” Tommy repeats, the hope inside him soaring.

“Yeah.”

“Okay,” Tommy says, smiling, not sure if he can believe what he’s hearing.

“Okay,” Buck says, smiling back. It’s a smile so soft that Tommy wants to trace it with his fingers, but they’re definitely not there yet and Tommy’s trying to act normal.

“Okay,” Buck repeats a little breathlessly, that soft smile still in place.

(During this whole interaction, Chimney is hiding in a bush, binoculars in hand. Karen is at his side, asking him what they’re saying.

“I can’t read lips!” Chim says, though he tries anyway with mixed results.

But then, Hen comes along and puts a stop to it, dragging Chim and Karen out of the bush and confiscating Chim’s binoculars.)

[alchemistc]

"When was it for you?" Buck asks, chin tucked over the nice rounded edge of Tommy's left pec, turning his eyes up through his lashes because every time he does that Tommy's eyes do something soft and sweet that Bucks still a little obsessed with. Tommy's fingers continue twisting into his curls, but he raises the 'need more context' brow. Buck obliges. "The - the spark. Like - I mean you had to kiss me for me to get what was going on but uh - I mean subconsciously I was in it to win it from like, the moment I saw how smiley you got seeing Cap and Athena reuniting. So. I'm wondering. What was it for you?"

There's still times when Buck feels like he's going too fast, too hard, pressing and pushing and reverting back to the neediness of yesteryear, but Tommy does this thing - this insane thing that shouldn't comfort Buck at all but somehow manages to both bring him back down to earth and make him feel like he's not alone in this: he takes his time. A measured breath, a quiet look, pressure on his scalp as Tommy thinks the question through without looking like he's being rushed at all. Measured. Processing both the new information he's been given, the little snapshot into what had first drawn Buck in, and the question he's been asked. If Buck had realized thoughtfulness meant so fucking much to him he'd have learned some patience years ago.

Tommy tips his chin, scratches at his cheekbone, stares at Buck like he's measuring out each word in his sentence recipe and setting up the ingredients of his response before he starts mixing.

"The handshake," he says, with a bashful little purse of his lips, like he hadn't expected he'd ever have to admit to it but he doesn't want to lie. "Just couldn't get a read on you for a while after."

Buck sort of wants to hide his face in Tommy's chest in response to the feelings that bubble up in his chest - the right-awayness of it, an immediate connection Tommy had felt even before he did, it feels like there are a thousand little pipe bombs bursting in his chest. No one's ever given him butterflies quite like Tommy Kinard.

"So it was like a physical thing for you," Buck says, fully fishing because Tommy has dated actual models and no matter how many minutes he spends each time they're naked together admiring the belly Buck's unwilling to dehydrate himself to get rid of, he likes hearing that his boyfriend thinks he's hot.

Tommy surprises him, though. "No, actually. You could barely get your name out but you wouldn't let go of my hand while you gave me five facts about helicopters you'd clearly googled on the ride over. Sorta made me want to stick you in my pocket and keep you there so you could provide me a fact-of-the-hour for the rest of my life."

Buck can feel his face going red. It's a mortifying observation, but it feels a lot like all the affectionate teasing he gets on the daily from Hen and Chim. Feels like Tommy knows him well enough by now to know he likes being read for filth when it means he's being paid attention to.

"You want weird facts, I'll give you weird facts."

Tommy chuckles. The hand in his hair tugs, just a bit, like Tommy wants Buck's face closer to his face but doesn't feel like asking. Buck shifts his weight up into an elbow to oblige, gets a thumb sliding along his cheekbone for his efforts and a primetime view of Tommy's serious face as his eyes flit across Buck's. "I didn't expect you," he says, in the serious voice, the teasing edge falling away. "I didn't expect butterflies and second chances and -." He cuts himself off, thumb slipping towards the curve of Buck's nose. "I didn't expect any of it."

Which is a bit of a revelation, if Buck's being completely honest. Tommy'd taken his hand and smiled while Buck did his level best to break the sound barrier with the pace he set at the beginning of all of this. "You thought I'd be an easy lay?" he teases, and Tommy wrinkles his nose.

"Thought you'd be bored with me before I paid the check if I ever managed to get you on a date with me."

It's actually laughable, with the benefit of hindsight, how terribly wrong that assumption had been. Laughable that Tommy thinks he could ever be boring. Buck could spend hours just staring at the subtle changes in his expression in complete silence and still not be bored with Tommy.

"That's stupid," he tells him, and Tommy thumbs at his bottom lip.

"Well I know that now. You're easily entertained. I've told you the Yellowstone flyover story six times and you still laugh at the punchline every time like it's the first time you've ever heard it."

"Moon moon," Buck repeats solemnly, and has to bite his lip not to laugh about it again.

"I like you a lot," Tommy says, and - they've exchanged I love yous, but there's something about this particular phrase - like Tommy's dug into the very heart of all of Buck's insecurities and learned the exact phrase to burn all those question marks to the ground.

"Ditto," Buck says, because Tommy had been insistent on trying to find a romcom that Buck didn't fall asleep to and Ghost had actually kept his attention decently well. Or. You know. Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore had.

Tommy rolls his eyes. "Howie keeps giving me shit for all new movie quotes you keep bringing out at inappropriate times."

"Quoting Clerks at Captain Fuckstache is always appropriate."

"We'll watch Dogma next. See if you can find any gems in that one that'll drive that asshole into an early grave."

"Are there dogs in it?"

"Are there -." Tommy's expression is so offended Buck thinks his eyes might explode. "Evan, even if you don't know the movie I know dogma is one of those SAT words you've found yourself on a Wikipedia black hole about."

Damn. And Buck had been hoping he'd get worked up enough to rant about Buck's serious gaps in knowledge in regards to pop culture. He hams it up a bit anyway. "It's when all the dogs are trying to get into heaven."

Tommy digs three fingers into Bucks side, and if they dissolve into a tickle fight five seconds later, Tommy has no one but himself to blame for the elbow to the face that nearly breaks his nose.

[redvelvetcupcakes21]

Bobby greeted Hen and Chimney with a hug, "Any updates?" He asked, knowing from their maudlin expressions that nothing had changed since early this morning.

They both shook their heads no. "Docs are hopeful he'll wake up, but they're worried about damage to his spine." Chimney said lowly, rubbing his jaw tiredly.

Bobby nodded sagely; he figured the damages would be serious. His breath had been knocked out of him when he saw the younger first responder had been impaled by a branch and his face had been cut up by glass. "Has the hospital been able to contact his family?"

Hen licked her lips, looking a bit teary as she and Chimney shared a sad look. "His cousin is on the way from San Francisco." She said tersely.

Bobby frowned at that, "That's it? What about his parents? Siblings?"

Chimney shrugged; his arms crossed defensively. "They stopped wanting anything to do with him, Bobby."

Bobby felt a rush of annoyance at that, he was ready to snap till he realized...

"Oh." He pinched the bridge of his nose, "Has Buck even left his side?"

It was Eddie who answered, coming up from behind Bobby with a carrier tray of hospital coffee. "Nope." Eddie sighed, "Hasn't left his side since they got him out of the OR."

Bobby checked his watch; Buck had been awake for more than 24 hours then. They were already doing a 48 and where in hour 40 when they received the call. Despite Bobby's orders, Buck rushed onto the scene.

Buck's yells had him nearly want to sedate Buck or hug him once they saw how hurt Tommy really was.

"He needs to get some rest." Bobby insisted, "Did he even eat?"

"We tried, he's not handling this well, Bobby." Hen confessed worriedly; her voice shaky as Eddie pulled her into a half hug.

Bobby swallowed audibly.

He knew his soft spot for Buck was obvious. He saw bits and pieces of himself in Buck, he saw a version of what Robert Jr could have been if he had lived.

He had never wanted this for Buck.

For Buck to go through the worse thing Bobby had ever gone through.

To see the man he thought of as a son sob and shout about saving the love of his life as they pulled Tommy away from the wreckage.

Barely breathing and bleeding and impaled.

"I'll talk to him." Bobby decided, feeling both uneasy and strained. He couldn't blame Buck for not wanting to leave Tommy's side.

But the kid had to take care of himself for Tommy's sake.

"I'll go with you Cap." Eddie nodded to Hen and Chim, a silent conversation going on between the three of them that Bobby wasn't privy to and was unsure if he wanted to know.

Bobby didn't know what to expect. He didn't think seeing Tommy hooked up to so many machines, his face littered with stitches and bruises, and his chest and arm wrapped in badges would break his heart like this.

Buck was pulled right up against Tommy's bed, back turned to the door and hunched over. Bobby could see that Buck was holding Tommy's hand in both of his, his eyes wet and face red. Still in his uniform and looking as disheveled as he did when they got to the hospital.

"Buck?"

Buck jumped in his seat, turning but not getting up- he still had one hand still holding Tommy's, he wiped his nose with the other as he sniffed. "Cap." He sounded so horse that Bobby winced. Before Bobby could say a word, Buck beat him to it.

"You're not gonna convince me to leave, so don't bother." He warned gruffly, wiping away some tears before turning back to Tommy.

"Buck, c'mon man, you can't-" Eddie had stated to say but Bobby rested a hand on his shoulder, a silent plea to stop.

Bobby stepped closer, "Buck, you haven't slept or eaten anything in over day, and you were already coming off a 48-hour shift when we got the call."

"So."

Bobby inhaled deeply, not missing how Buck held onto Tommy's hand tighter, his lips pressed right against Tommy's skin.

"So, you need to rest, maybe eat or at the very least shower." Bobby eyed what he hoped wasn't dirt and dried blood that looked to be caked onto Buck's uniform. "Tommy is alive and he's going to need you to be ready to take care of him when he wakes up, so you need to get ready."

Buck sniffed, his voice hollow and broken as he told Bobby, "I can't leave him Cap."

Bobby squeezed Buck's shoulder, "I know, but he would want you to be okay too." Bobby knew that to be true, Tommy would have wanted Buck to have at least shower and eat.

He knew how protective and doting the two were with each other.

"I'll be fine." Buck insisted, tears cascading down his face, "He needs me here."

Bobby pressed his lips tightly together; he saw Eddie look even more worried. They both knew what it felt like, to lose the love of your life. They knew how Buck would shatter if something bad happened and he couldn't be with Tommy.

It happened to them.

Bobby took a shallow breath; he knew it wasn’t going to be easy for Buck to leave without feeling guilty. "How about this, you let Eddie take you home so you can shower and nap, and I'll stay here. I won't leave his side till you return."

"Bobby-"

Bobby raised a finger at him, "Two hours. Just allow yourself two hours Buck."

Buck's voice sounded so broken as he asked, "What if he wakes up and I'm not here?"

"The moment Tommy's eyes open I'll tell him I sent you home, my orders." He saw the look of doubt on Buck's face, "Buck, Tommy knows you love him, he'll know that-"

He watched in horror as Buck crumble at that, "I never told him." Buck started to sob, alarming Bobby and Eddie now as they watched the younger man cry into his hands.

"What?"

"I never told him I love him. We never got that chance." Buck cried. "You can't ask me to leave Cap, please don't ask me to."

"Hey," Eddie's voice was soft as he patted Buck's back, "You and Tommy will get that chance Buck. He's gonna wake up and he's gonna need you and all of us, but Bobby's right- you can't keep going like this. He needs you to be okay."

Bobby kneeled down, he could see Buck's knee shaking, "Buck," he said slowly, "You have my word that the moment Tommy wakes up, I will call you. I'm not asking you to leave for the whole day, just two hours so that you can come back here with a clear head. Tommy's cousin is on his way here, he's gonna need your support as much as you're gonna need his. For Tommy's sake, kid, you need to be okay."

Buck looked like he was close to throwing up as he stood up, wobbling and barely getting caught by Bobby and Eddie in time. "O-Okay." Buck's voice was barely audible, Bobby couldn't take looking at him for too long- Buck’s blue eyes were blood shot and his skin was clammy to the touch. "You promise you won't leave him?" He asked Bobby.

Bobby felt his heart crack again as he was reminded about Robert Jr- how he would make Bobby promise he would come home in time for their favorite show.

"I promise kid." Bobby watched with bated breath as Buck finally stood on his own, still shaky as he pulled Bobby in for a tight hug.

Bobby held on tighter.

"Two hours?" Buck asked them both, looking and sounding uncertain- as though it was a trap.

"Two hours." Eddie promised, already leading Buck to the door since he was still unsteady. "I'll even warn you when the two hours is almost up, okay?"

That had Buck look mildly appeased, "Okay." He said roughly, wiping away more tears and snot. He was barely out the door when he turned around and leaned over Tommy, kissing him on his forehead and whispering something to him that neither Bobby or Eddie could hear.

Bobby sighed as he looked down as his former firefighter, taking a seat where Buck had been.

"Hey Tommy." Bobby took Tommy's hand in his, "You scared us out there, we thought we were going to lose you." Bobby had watched how terrified Hen and Chim were when they realized Tommy might have suffered spinal damage from the impact of the crash. How they hurried to stop the bleeding from Tommy's mouth and stomach where the branch had impaled him. "I need you to fight to come back to us, Tommy. You can't leave us yet. You can't leave Buck; I don't think he'll ever be okay if he loses you to tell you the truth. That kid has been looking for his other half for as long as he's been looking for a family. He has us and he needs you, we all do." He brushed away Tommy's curls from his forehead, "You have a family with us too, we need you. Not because you’re Buck's boyfriend, we just need you kid." He sighed, regretting the times in where didn't push for Tommy to open up to him.

He was just as guarded as Bobby was back then when they were both at the 118. But Bobby could see it, there was a level of uncertainness that Tommy had carried on his shoulder when he was with the 118. He figured it was guilt and something else, something that made Tommy seem closed off even when he was trying to relax during team dinners.

"Listen," Bobby pulled out his rosary and miniature Bible, "I know you don't consider yourself Catholic anymore, but praying is what I do for my family." He leaned back in the chair and started to pray.

[lives-in-midgard]

Love you

Pairing: Evan Buckley x reader

Summary: After your and Buck's daughter said something cute you decide to surprise him at work.

Word Count: 730

A/N: Hey guys. This is the last one shot from the Buddie-August. I hope you like it!

Divider made by @firefly-graphics

Buddie-August hosted by me and @buckys-wintersoldier

Prompt: with kids

911 Masterlist | Main Masterlist

After you and Buck dated for two years, you became pregnant and now have your beautiful and cute daughter Emma. During your pregnancy Buck was always there for you and protected you even more. He always made sure you were comfortable and not overworked. When Emma was born she began to be the light of your life. Buck loves holding her, cuddling with her and talking to her. She makes you both so happy and you always love to see when she learns something new.

That was one of the reasons why Buck was so sad when he had to go back to work. He was sad that he couldn’t spend as much time with you and Emma anymore and could miss when she does something new. You promised to send him some pictures while he is at work and tell him everything he missed. And when Buck comes back from work, the first thing he does is to kiss and cuddle his little princess. When she started to talk, and her first word was “daddy” Buck was so excited and told everyone. She started saying some random words and making you both laugh which made her laugh too.

Today was one of those days where Buck had a 24 hour shift. He’s been at work since yesterday and is coming back today at the evening. You missed him a lot when he was at work for so long and he missed you, but the good thing is that it means that he has the next two days off and will be at home with you.

The day started as normal as always. Emma woke you up early in the morning, later you had breakfast, then you both went for a walk and Emma took a nap. But then when Emma woke up and you gave her a kiss, she suddenly said something she had never said before.

“love mommy.”

“I love you too honey.” You said excited but then got sad that Buck wasn’t there to hear it.

“Do you want to go to daddy?” You asked and she began to giggle.

“Daddy.”

“Yeah, let’s go see daddy.” You said with a smile and picked her up. You quickly took your bag with everything that you could need and made your way to the car. While driving to the station Emma didn’t stop to say “daddy” because she was so excited.

As you walked into the station your daughter began to giggle because she likes being there and seeing the others. When you walked upstairs and she saw Buck, she immediately said “daddy.” Buck saw you two, began to smile and run over to you.

“Hey my little princess.” He said and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

“Hey, babe.” Buck greeted you and kissed you. Emma made grabby hands and Buck took her with a smile and hugged her.

“Is this my favorite niece.” Chim said as he walked closer, making Emma giggle. The others greeted you as well.

“Wait, is everything okay?” Buck suddenly asked.

“Yeah, we just missed you and Emma wanted to tell you something.” You said with a grin and Buck smiled at you.

“Oh, is that so?” He asked with a smile, but Emma just laid her head on Bucks shoulder. You chuckled and then said.

“Maybe she says it again.” Buck nodded.

“Are you hungry? We were just about to eat.” Bobby asked and you nodded. You all sat down at the table. You sat next to Buck who was holding his daughter in his arms. After eating you talked a while with Eddie and the others.

“Love daddy.” Emma suddenly said and everyone began to smile.

“Aww, I love you too my little princess.” Buck said with a big smile and hugged her.

“I love you so much.” He said again and was so excited.

“Love daddy.” He gave her a few kisses and looked so happy.

“What about me Emma?” Chim asked but she didn’t say anything, and everyone started to laugh.

“Don’t worry, the day will come and she will say it to you too.” Hen said and you chuckled.

You stayed at the station for a while until they were called to an emergency and had to leave. Buck was so happy that you surprised him and can’t wait to come home later and spend more time with you two.

Taglist:

@cevansbaby-dove | @buckys-wintersoldier

@beaubbdoll

[buddierecs]

fake dating buddie fics

all explicit rating - 18+ only!!!!!! make sure to kudos/comment on these amazing works :)

to build a home we deconstruct our rituals by: letmetellyouaboutmyfeels "after the shooting, eddie realizes he needs to put some things in place. like who will get his assets if he dies. who will speak for him if he ends up in a coma. what might happen if his family contests buck's guardianship. luckily, he's got a simple easy-peasy solution that won't result in insanity, catastrophe, or heartbreak: marry buck." word count: 44k important tags: fake marriage, slow burn, mutual pining, friends to lovers, fluff, angst, eventual smut meet me in the middle (underneath a little bit of mistletoe) by: princessfbi "buck and eddie agree to fake date each other to get through dinner with their parents during the holidays!" word count: 40k important tags: mutual pining, idiots in love, angst, fluff, protective!buddie, jealous!evan buckley, slow burn, smut what do i say (to make me exist?) by: cuddlyobrien "buck gets hurt at chim & maddie’s wedding, earning some temporary amnesia and thinks he was marrying eddie. the doctor advises they let him believe it. eddie is stressed from day one" word count: 27k important tags: temporary amnesia, mutual pining, season 6, anal sex, blow jobs, riding you became my world by: monstrous_moonshine "buck needs help; to get his inheritance money he has to be married. eddie offers to help, because that’s what best friends do, right? he can pretend he’s not woefully in love with buck, surely?" word count: 30k important tags: boys in love, kissing, oblivious!buddie, hurt!evan buckley, first time, hand jobs, anal sex, rimming, top!evan buckley, bottom!eddie diaz breathe out now and we fall back in by: withoutthetiger "set during the summer after 5b, buck and eddie are complete idiots (affectionate) while they pretend to be in love and then realize they haven't been pretending at all. It's just a lot of fake dating, written for the prompt "you could never hurt me." word count: 32k important tags: friends to lovers, soft!buddie, first dates, sexual tension, light angst, mutual pining, anal sex, blow jobs, hand jobs raise her with me by: jayjay__884 "buck realizes that it takes a village to raise a child when a baby girl is left on his doorstep. left with a note that tells him she's his, buck tries to do the right thing and step up to the role that was given to him, finding himself responsible for taking care of an entire human being who is depending on him. and with eddie's help, who is on his own journey of healing and self-acceptance, they both learn about the readymade family they've always had as they end up co-parenting their children together and becoming something more." word count: 222k important tags: kid fic, relationship of convenience, friends to lovers, slow burn, mutual pining, co-parenting, eventual smut i can see it in your eyes (do you mean it?) by: smilingbuckley "eddie hears that his cousin is getting engaged. not wanting to get set up by multiple family members on awkward dates so he can bring someone to the wedding, he and buck plan to fake date. they put a lot of thought into it, getting comfortable with pda, going on fake dates, even practicing kissing once... and then it's finally time to travel to el paso. but faking it is hard when he's not really faking it at all." word count: 29k important tags: idiots in love, weddings, pre-relationship, mutual pining, slow burn, sharing a bed, eventual smut, top!evan buckley, bottom!eddie diaz a thousand words (and then some) by: tawaifeddiediaz when buck and eddie get roped into a photoshoot for the friend of a friend, neither of them expect what they'll have to do. or what it'll cost for their relationship. or, the photoshoot fic that got a little angsty, then a little sexy. word count: 25k important tags: pre-relationship, photoshoots, idiots in love, light angst, soft!buddie, emotional hurt/comfort, fluff, mutual pining, explicit sexual content

[diazsdimples]

Tommy can remember the day he knew he was going to kill Vincent Gerrard. Or, not kill exactly, but do some serious, irreparable damage to him. He'd kind of figured this day would come, if the way he felt like ripping the old man's mustache right off his face whenever Buck came home upset was anything to go by. He just didn't think it would happen quite so soon. He's held Buck plenty of times after rough shifts, where Gerrard would make him man behind for no other reason than "I want this place clean and perfectly organized. That's what you people do, isn't it?". He's heard enough stories from Eddie, and Hen, and Chim, about the abuse they were all getting but how most of Gerrard's hellfire seemed directed towards Buck.

But nothing could prepare him for the fury he felt when that day arrived.

He'd gotten a text from Eddie, a short and simple "he needs you", and he'd been in his car in a flash. The whole drive he'd been worrying, not sure what he'd be arriving to.

When he gets there, he knows it’s bad. Hen and Chimney are locked in a furious screaming match with Gerrard, their faces all varying shades of puce, and it looks like Hen's about to punch Gerrard in the nose, based off the hand Chimney has wrapped tightly around her wrist.

He spots Eddie and Buck immediately; they're in the locker room and Eddie has his arm around Buck's shoulders. When he looks up and locks eyes with Tommy, he can see the flames of rage licking behind Eddie's eyes. Buck's got his face in his hands, and his shoulders are shaking in a way that tells Tommy that he's crying. Tommy's across the station in 3 quick strides, dropping to his knees in front of Buck and taking his face in his hands, stroking his thumbs over his cheekbones.

"What the hell happened?" he asks Eddie, because Buck's not in any shape to breathe right now, let alone talk.

Eddie doesn't reply immediately, but his jaw ticks and he looks like he's carefully picking his words. Just as he's about to speak, Buck's voice, quiet and broken, cuts through the silence.

"He made me watch."

Tommy's brow furrows in confusion, and a ball of dread settles in the pit of his stomach. Buck swallows convulsively and even Eddie looks like he might throw up. It's bad.

"Watch what?" Tommy asks carefully. He doesn't want to push it, not if Buck isn't up to speaking, but he needs to know.

Eddie speaks up first, and his voice is shaky too.

"We were called to a massive haemorrhage at the Pride Event in West Hollywood. A man and his husband had been attacked by one of those bible bashers that stand there and tell everyone they're going to hell. A bystander said they'd been arguing with him and he pulled a knife. Got the first guy in the stomach, second just above his heart. There was nothing we could do."

Buck takes a deep breath, a whine issuing from the back of his throat. Tommy puts a hand around the back of his neck and rubs soothing circles just below his hairline.

"He made me watch," Buck repeats again, a little louder this time, and Tommy's heart clenches cause he knows, he fucking knows what Buck is going to say next. "He said "ride with Wilson, Buckley. This is a good opportunity for you to increase your medic skills." He knew they weren't going to survive but he made me...." Buck trails off, unable to finish his sentence, and Tommy's vision goes red. He's never hated anyone more than he hates Gerrard right now.

That is, until Buck finishes his sentence.

"He said "you might learn something valuable," but he wasn't talking about the job."

Buck's fists are clenched so tight his knuckles are white, and there's blood under his fingernails. Eddie's got a fistful of Buck's shirt clenched tightly in his fist and he looks like he's doing all he can to not run upstairs and tear Gerrard limb from limb.

There's a ringing in Tommy's ears and everything sounds kind of muffled, like his head is underwater. He's clutching the back of Buck's neck so hard that it's got to be painful, but he can't make himself let go.

When he left the military, Tommy made a vow that he would never take another man's life. But for this - for Gerrard - for what he did to Buck, the light of Tommy's life, he might just make an exception.

[chimerical-creations]

I have just been informed that:

SANDBLASTER SAND HAS ARRIVED

[dragonfang-photography]

WOO YEAH, got XnConvert and Hugin Panorama Creator running again! Next batch of photos will start posting within the next day or two, depending on how panorama-heavy the set is.

(Turns out Ubuntu 22.04 only comes with the Snap software manager, and XnConvert and Hugin are Flatpak. I had to install the Flatpak manager, and then I could get XnConvert and Hugin installed. But you're here for photos, not a play-by-play of my Linux User Problems™️.)

[rosyhoneydew]

Bucktommy sickfic | G | 722 words

When Evan sits up around 5:50 Tommy knows he's given up on trying to fall back asleep. He's been tossing and turning for the last hour or so, and trying his best to muffle the sounds of his coughing in the pillows, with little success.

Tommy rolls over and leans up on an elbow, rubbing at Evan's back. He's got a faraway look on his face like his head's feeling slightly fuzzy.

"You feeling okay?"

Evan sniffles and clears his throat lightly. "Yeah." It comes out like a croak and Tommy winces in sympathy. His voice sounds raw and creaky, and not just because it's the first he's spoken all morning.

This isn't really a surprise. Chim had warned the two of them about cold and flu season starting up at Jee's school - not that it ever really ended - so they'd known they were bound to pick up something with all the baking they'd been doing together. Tommy can't wait to have kids, hopefully someday soon, but the germiness will take some getting used to.

Tommy gets up fully, swinging his legs out of bed and grabbing his glasses from the nightstand. He moves to head out into the hallway.

"I think I've got some NyQuil still, it's the capsules though… you're good with swallowing pills, right?"

"Uh, wait, that'll just-" he cuts himself off with a coughing fit. It's dry, but it sounds painful. It's the kind that takes him a minute to get under control again. "That'll just make me more tired," he gets out eventually. "I've got a shift in a few hours."

Not like this, you don't.

"Evan…"

"Tommy," he throws back, petulant.

He and Evan have been together just under a year now. They've been living together for 3 months. They've said 'I love you' and talked about marriage; and if there's any one thing Tommy has learned in this time, it's that his boyfriend wouldn't willingly take a day off work if he were on his deathbed.

He sighs and pauses in the doorway. "Alright, why don't you call Bobby when he's up," he suggests. "See what he has to say about you going in this morning. I'll get you some medicine in case you change your mind."

"Fine," Evan concedes the point, reaching for his phone.

Tommy shakes his head, smiling a little at Evan's stubbornness. He makes his way to the kitchen, snaps off a packet of the blue gel-filled pills, and fills a glass with water from the fridge. It's still dark out, but it's starting to get the kind of green-gray hue of morning light, so he takes just a minute to peek out the window at it.

He's still standing there when he hears footsteps plodding behind him. He gets about a twenty-second heads up before Evan thunks his head onto the center of Tommy's back.

"You get a hold of him?"

"I'm not even that sick," Evan groans. He follows it up with a large, wet sniff that betrays his statement.

Tommy hums and reaches back to thread his fingers in Evan's hair, twisting his head to lay a quick kiss on his temple, contagion be damned. His skin feels hot and Tommy revisits his task of getting some meds in him to break the mild fever and hopefully let him get a little more rest. Thankfully, with the hopes of work dashed, he swallows them down without complaint, nibbling on a few crackers to settle his stomach too.

"Go lay back down, sweetheart, I'll be right there," Tommy says when he's finished.

Evan grumbles a bit but heads back to the bedroom. He's a little wobbly on his feet, and still soft-looking from bed. Tommy can't help but get distracted watching him. There's a fondness that's been present in his chest since they first got together, and it swells in him now. It's almost alarming, the way that it can take his breath away in these moments. Once he hears Evan settle back into bed he shakes himself and clears the counter.

When he enters the bedroom he finds Evan asleep already, snoring softly. He can't help but drop another kiss on his sweaty forehead, thinking of how lucky he feels to be the one caring for this man. In sickness and in health, he thinks and slips under the covers.

-

Happy first day of November! My goal this month is to write at least 2k words every day, so here's the first 700+ I wrote: a teensy tiny BT ficlet.

[buckleybltch]

Facts & Analysis: Hen Begins, Chimney Begins, Bobby Begins.

This analysis will primarily focus on Tommy during these episodes. This will objectively and impartially show facts of what happens during these episodes, and also my personal analysis.

From someone who has watched the show since season 4.

Large recap at the end!

Chimney Begins

Eli is very integrated into this episode. He is friendly with the other guys, but is also a guide for Chimney. He is the reason Chimney becomes a paramedic, but also advises Chimney on how to deal with the other guys.

Tommy: “Hey Eli, you forget to tip the delivery guy?”

Tommy is intentionally a jackass at the beginning of this episode as it’s meant to highlight the current workplace culture of the 118 under Captain Gerrard. Gerrard perpetuates and approves this kind of behaviour, and it’s how you get in his good books. Gerrard has very clearly made the 118 a white boys club.

Chimney: “You just don’t like me very much do you?”

Tommy: “If I thought about you at all, I probably wouldn’t.”

At this moment, Chimney is going through the hazing and comments from the others. No one is standing up for him, but Eli gives him some advice and explains why they’re acting the way they do. With regard to the other firefighters, we don’t see Sal at all, so the focus is on Tommy and Gerrard, and obviously Eli.

Eli: “it’s not personal you know. Look in this job, friends die, and funerals are held. They’re not going to just give you their friendship until you earn their respect. They’re not just protecting you, they’re protecting themselves.”

Here, Eli has witnessed the previous interaction with Chimney and Tommy, and explains it isn’t personal, but the other guys won’t just give Chimney their friendship. There’s nothing overt here that suggests Tommy has no interest in being friends with Chim due to his race, as Eli explains it is a trust issue with Chim being the new guy who has yet to prove himself.

Although Tommy “joking” that Chimney is an untipped delivery guy has some racist undertones, Eli states the hazing and comments comes from a place of no trust as he is the new guy. Tommy also only makes these comments in the presence of Gerrard, likely looking for his approval and appraisal; just trying to fit in. He is conforming socially and professionally, even in the negative ways. This will be explained more in the Hen Begins section, but this is likely because he is scared of losing his job if he openly goes against Gerrard and also, knowing what we know now, trying to remain safely in the closet. This doesn’t excuse his behaviour, and I’m not trying to, but it does begin to explain it. Anyone openly going against Gerrard would face severe consequences. When Tommy is not an instigator, he is a bystander and does let this behaviour continue (for now….).

Here, Tommy and the others are the perfect (and intentional) example of the workplace culture Gerrard has created.

On Chim’s first fire call, he’s sat next to Tommy in the engine who is constantly looking over at him. This is also the call where Kevin dies.

Chimney very suddenly understands Eli’s speech about friends dying and trust.

Chim then runs in after Tommy doesn’t respond to the radio and pulls him out of an exploding building, and waits in the hospital afterwards. Whether Chim knows it or not as he does it, this is him trying to prove himself and prove that he can be trusted by the other guys.

Eli visits Tommy in the hospital, evidenced by the visitor badge he wears and the update he gives Chim on his condition, indicating they are friends or friendly.

“Kevin died, Eli.”

“And Tommy didn’t, because of you.”

After Tommy’s stint in the hospital, he builds a bridge with Chimney and apologises.

It’s worth nothing that although he doesn’t explicitly say the words “I’m sorry”, I’ve always interpreted this scene as an apology, as Tommy and Chimney are seen as friendly afterwards. Chimney has proven that he can be trusted, and Tommy is finally extending his friendship (just as Eli told Chimney he would).

Tommy: “Love Actually, monster trucks, craft beer”

Chim: “So you’re back. How’s that head of yours?”

Tommy: “Still fat, but clearer. You saved my life. Thank you”

Tommy then shakes Chimney’s hand and brings him into a hug.

Chim: “Thanks Tommy”

This conversation references an encounter earlier in the episode where Chim asks to build a bridge with Tommy, and says whatever his thing is, he’ll make it his thing too, just so they can get along.

Tommy and Eli then stand with Chim, and then stand behind Chim, when he talks to the woman that Kevin saved. Eli and Tommy can be seen together watching the conversation Chim has, with Gerrard stood by the side of the fire truck.

Tommy: “paramedic, huh?”

Eli: “a damn good one.”

Notes on the framing of scenes:

- Eli is also sat with Tommy and Gerrard during scenes.

- Tommy and Eli walk alongside each other at Kevin’s funeral

- Tommy is behind Chim as he’s ringing the bell at Kevin’s funeral.

Although small framing, at this point I do think it’s intentional to show that Eli and Tommy will be his friends at the 118- they could have shown any other firefighters behind him and next to him. I believe it also shows that Eli is also a bystander, and he is a good friend of Chimney’s by season 5 (when we see the reunite in Boston), however he is also accepted by Gerrard.

We’ve intentionally been introduced to Tommy in this episode as a friend, as one of the episode afterwards has Chim calling Tommy for a favour. In this episode alone, Tommy has been shown to grow as a character and become friends with Chimney, although he does display negative behaviours.

Hen Begins

Tommy smiles and asks “who’s this” when Gerrard introduces them to Hen, and frowns when Gerrard calls her their “diversity hire”. He is no longer necessarily an instigator, but more of a bystander. Objectively, also not great, but no one publicly stands up for her, although we do see Chim stand up for her and give her advice in private.

Tommy, just like with Chimney, does not welcome Hen with open arms. He is still standoffish with her and makes jackass comments, although it is also worth nothing he does not say anything racist to her. Knowing what we know from Chimney Begins, Tommy (and the others) are likely waiting for Hen to prove herself, as Chim had to do, before they extend their friendship. With Gerrard barking in their ears that she won’t be able to as a woman, Hen had more to prove than Chimney and probably took more for the others to accept her.

Chim doesn’t stop to help her when they’re all piling their tools into a pile for cleaning. He too is conforming professionally, not wanting to risk his job and stepping out of line. At this time, Chimney has been at the 118 for some years and knows how to not piss Gerrard off, evidenced by the advice he gives to Hen.

Tommy does say “New york bitchiness is a compliment?” and Chimney calls him out for it. Whether Tommy thought Chimney was insulting her by saying she had an “east coast vibe to her” is debatable. Referring back to Tommy trying to conform to Gerrard and gain his approval, this comment might have also been in the same vein, although this isn’t explicitly said. Knowing that Tommy is aware in the future of how he acted under Gerrard, it wouldn’t be a stretch to also assume he knows it’s wrong at the time, but is more concerned with self preservation than standing up for Hen. Furthermore, knowing that Gerrard is like Tommy’s father, he is probably conditioned to fall in line, even if he knows it is wrong. Not excusing the behaviour, but it might explain why. Hindsight from season 7 can definitely change the way we now interpret some of the interactions in this episode, but absolutely does not take away from Tommy acting like a jackass.

Gerrard explains that he doesn’t like women in his firehouse because she won’t be able to pull the men out if they’re hurt and it puts them in jeopardy. This is a massive exaggeration on Eli’s speech in Chimney Begins where he says that people die, which is why theyre not friends with Chimney yet. Gerrard is the only one who says this, and none of the others are shown to agree with him. However, it did likely have some impact on their hesitancy to be friends with Hen at this time, although we do see this change.

Chimney says to Hen “oh you think they’re inviting the asian guy round to their houses for beers?” When they’re privately talking. Chim is to Hen what Eli was to Chim, a guide to the 118. This shows Chimney is still facing some negativity from the rest of the team, but he is no longer eating at a separate table and is friendly with them. He also faces the racism they suffer from Gerrard. It can be argued here that he doesn’t mean Tommy as those two are seen to be friendly, although this is ambiguous. It could also be argued that Tommy and Chimney are only friendly in private if Tommy is still trying to remain in Gerrard’s good books, although this is pure speculation. We don’t see any interaction between Tommy and Gerrard, so their relationship is up in the air.

Chim does talk to Hen privately but does notably not defend her in public.

After the car collision, Sal and Tommy build a bridge with Hen, saying if they’d had followed Gerrard they wouldn’t have found the patient in time and that Hen is good. This is the first time we hear them go against Gerrard. Furthermore, it shows the positive impact that Hen has had on the 118 and the boys. She has proven herself, and also proven that they don’t have to fit into Gerrard’s mould.

It’s after that collision that Gerrard is removed from the 118 and Hen discovers that people have been making complaints about Gerrard and compliments of Hen.

It is heavily implied that it is Chim, Tommy, and possibly Sal who are making these complaints and compliments as these are the only characters we are explicitly introduced to from the 118. However, Gerrard is still seen harassing her. The fact that the complaints began after Hen joined the 118 highlight the positive impact she had on the firehouse and the team. She fundamentally helped change the 118 for good and also aided in Tommy’s character development. Again, retrospectively, her speech probably had a large impact on him as a closeted gay man.

This happens an indeterminate time after she joins the 118, but it would be safe to assume it has been weeks if not months. Knowing this, it means that Tommy (and Sal) have been okay with her and have liked her for some time, evidenced by the fact they have been submitting complaints about Gerrard’s treatment of her for some time. Although we don’t see them being friends in the open, they are shown to have disagreed with Gerrard’s methods for some time and are on Hen’s side. Even though Hen didn’t know it at the time, they were standing up for her in private and trying to make the 118 a better place by ousting Gerrard, likely inspired by Hen.

It is further implied that, likely due to Gerrard’s constant threats of termination if someone disobeys his orders, Tommy, Sal, and even Chim are falling inline with Gerrard’s regime- they won’t go against him in fear of losing their jobs. This is classic self preservation, with Sal and Tommy falling in line socially as well as professionally. Admittedly, Tommy and Sal fall in line more than Chimney, but after Gerrard leaves, they’re seen being friends, with Tommy seen being close friends with Hen and Chim.

However, while they are seen falling in line professionally and socially at the fire house, in private they are friendly with Chimney and have been submitting complaints about Gerrard and compliments about Hen, indicating they are aware of the bad workplace culture and no longer want to be a part of it. This is a big step in Tommy’s change, and he is no longer a bystander, but actively working on making himself better and standing up for Hen. It took a while, and he could have done it sooner, but that does not distract from the fact he still did it.

Although he physically does not say the words “sorry” to Hen and Chim, in both begins episodes, he is seen building a bridge and apologising to them, and giving them a handshake/hug.

“You saved my life, thank you”

“You’re good”

This is further amplified in Bobby Begins.

As this has been a big topic with the return of Gerrard in season 8, I would like to state that both Eli and Chim advised, essentially, to not cause trouble, keep working, and keep their spirits up, and that is how you survive the 118. None of them, except Hen, explicitly stood up to Gerrard until the end.

Bobby Begins

Hen and Chim are obviously friendly with everyone as Hen is walking around placing bets with everyone. She banters with Tommy, who obviously feels comfortable asking for credit on a bet, and the four of them (Sal, Tommy, Hen, and Chim) end up in a conversation together. In this conversation, they’re all bantering and laughing together.

This is a MASSIVE shift from the beginning of Hen and Chim Begins- it explicitly shows Tommy, Sal, Hen, and Chim being friends now that Gerrard has gone, which further indicates that Gerrard was the source of the problem, not Tommy or Sal. Objectively, their actions and comments did not help and some were in poor taste.

However, there is 10 years between Chimney begins and Bobby begins, meaning Chimney and Tommy have been working together for 10 years, the majority of that without Gerrard. They have had plenty of time to work through any issues. Furthermore, Tommy (and Sal) were shown to acknowledge that Gerrard’s (and by proxy, their own) behaviour was wrong, and took steps to change that workplace culture.

In the fire truck in the montage of calls, Tommy and Chim are seen laughing together at Bobby’s lack of direction.

Sal is also prepped in this episode to show that he isn’t aligning with Bobby’s methods, primarily because he wants to be captain, whereas Tommy is just waiting to see that he can trust him. This is consistent for Tommy with the past two begins episodes; Eli says they wont be friends with Chimney until he’s earned their respect as friends die in this line of work and they need to trust each other. This, if you remember, is ultimately what led Tommy to be friends with Chimney, after Chim saved his life.

Sal is openly defiant against Bobby, stating he’s a “piece of work”. Tommy chastises Sal and Chimney is visibly displeased at Sal. Tommy, Hen, and Chim are all visibly unhappy with Sal and try to stop him when he goes for Bobby.

Tommy not yet trusting Bobby is primarily seen after Bobby transfers Sal. Believing that he fired Sal, Tommy is hesitant to like Bobby as he believes firing Sal was too harsh, with the same sentiment echoed by Chimney and Hen, until the truth is revealed.

Hen then invites Bobby out, saying “some of us are going out for drinks… join us”. We then see Chim, Tommy, and Hen out drinking together. This is when Hen reveals that Sal was transferred and Tommy is happy to accept Bobby. The four of them then sit drinking, talking, and laughing. They even show each other all their scars while laughing and getting drunk.

This scene in particular establishes them as friends who now do hang out outside of work, in contrast to Hen begins where Chimney says “you think they’re inviting the Asian guy to their houses to drink beer?”. The three of them are sticking together as friends. All of Tommy’s character development has led up to this point: he is no longer an instigator, no longer a bystander, but a friend. He stood up for them and stood by them, following them into changing the 118 and the horrid culture Gerrard had created. They trust each other and are friends here.

Tommy, Chim, Hen, and Bobby then sit at the top of the dinner table together at the station, once again smiling and talking.

Their friendship is once again showcased when Tommy transfers to the 217, and Hen and Chim surprise him with balloons and a cake.

Recap

Tommy in particular is a symbol of the impact Hen, Chimney, and Bobby had on the 118. He is the personification of the changes the 118 went through. From an oppressive boys club, to a friendly and trusting house. Tommy himself goes through massive change at the 118 thanks to Chim, Hen, and Bobby. Tommy is not the point of the Begins episodes, but he is a symbol of the change the 118 went through and I have always believed that is fully intentional- they show the change through this person.

As stated, we see them become a group of friends after Gerrard leaves. Tommy also becomes aware about how Gerrard influenced him. We see this in his conversation with Buck, where he states that Gerrard was like the father he already had and Gerrard did not make him a better person. He is obviously aware of the type of person he used to be and doesn’t attempt to hide it, evidenced by his conversation with Buck. It also cannot be assumed that any of the other characters dislike him or hold a grudge either due to his friendship with them in season 7.

Chimney even mentions Tommy in 3x16: Buck is troubled by the fact that Red has no friends and lost touch with the other firefighters from the 134. Eddie asks Hen and Chim if they’re still in contact with the other guys they used to work with.

Hen: “um, I don’t know if we’d call some of them friends”

Chim: “Yeah, I spoke with Tommy last year… I was calling to ask for a favour, but…”

Chim is referencing when he calls Tommy in season 2 (shortly after he is stabbed) to inform him of the Doheney Park (?) fire and asks if the still works at the 217… Tommy then flies over and dumps water on the fire, saving Eddie’s life.

Hen acknowledges here that they weren’t friends with all the guys who used to work at the 118, hinting at the poor treatment Hen and Chim faced, but Chim makes is clear with his statement that Tommy does not fall under this category. They might not be friends anymore, but they’re on good terms, good enough for Chim to still have his phone number in 2023, and good enough for Tommy to trust Chimney’s instincts twice and use ‘borrowed’ municipal equipment.

In season 8, we also see the 118 conforming (or in Buck’s case, struggling to conform) to Gerrard’s captaincy. They aren’t falling in line like they did in 2005, but they know not to cause any trouble and just say “yes sir”. They are also not publicly standing up for Buck when Gerrard berates him. To me, this is the biggest sign that they all know the best way to survive Gerrard is to say yes, keep your head down, and not cause trouble. This is likely what Tommy and Sal also had to do in 2005. Although they did take it a step further and make jackass comments, they were falling in line to protect themselves, just like Hen, Chim, and Eddie are doing in season 8, which they state in 8x01. They know now, just like they knew ~20 years ago, that standing up against Gerrard would have severe consequences.

No one is asking you to like how Tommy acts at the beginning of Hen and Chim begins: he is purposefully written as a jackass at the beginning to display the workplace environment Gerrard has created. However, it is objectively ignorant to continue on as if he has had no character development. It is intentionally written and shown that he fundamentally changed as a person thanks to Chimney and Hen, and Gerrard’s departure. By Bobby Begins, Tommy is ingrained with Hen and Chim and they are close friends. It is shown in both Chimney Begins and Hen Begins that he made up with them and became friends with them both. Those are scenes that are in the episode.

You don’t have to forgive him, but you have to acknowledge that the characters have. If we fast forward to season 7 and Tommy’s return, you’ll see:

Bobby saying that Tommy is good people and good for Buck.

Chimney saying that Tommy is so cool.

Hen smiling when Buck and Tommy arrived at Chimney’s hospital wedding.

Those are not the reactions of people disliking Tommy or holding a grudge.

I don’t like how he is written at the beginning of the begins episodes either, but I understand it is intentionally written that way, and that it is also intentionally written to show he has been forgiven and is now friends with everyone. That was half the point of the begins episodes- to show the positive impact that Hen, Chim, and Bobby had on the 118 and the other firefighters working there.

[alchemistc]

You never let me in, Buck sends, two of three sheets fully winded, and when he kicks his leg over the coffee table he nearly knocks over three empties.

They do this thing, right? Buck gets upset and before the tears can fall, because he's cried too many fucking times already, he makes himself angry. Picks at something that has come up every time he's done a post-mortem on the last six months.

And then he sends that shit to Tommy. Because - because who the fuck else is he supposed to talk to about it? The guy who'd sucked him off in the hallway of a nightclub two weeks ago? The woman who'd spent an hour quietly helping Buck understand that yeah, he was very much bi, and yeah, some people did not like that shit? Maddie, or Chim, or Hen or Eddie, who still might interact with him on the job? Bobby? Fuck, not Bobby.

Bobby who'd blinked at Buck and offered platitudes and apologized to Buck like it was somehow his fault Tommy was good people but he was the kind of good people who just walked out on something that could have been something.

I should have pushed more. I know I should have. I just thought since I was trying to share everything, you were too.

My mistake.

Three months and Buck isn't over it. He's far enough into the mourning process that he thinks this one is always gonna sting, and not for the reasons Tommy thinks.

That's not fair. I'm sorry.

The texts get delivered. Tommy reads them. Buck's had read receipts on since the first time Tommy went quiet on a call and Buck freaked out a little - but back then they were still working towards something. Back then, sometimes Tommy would pull out his phone and open the thread just to give Buck sign of life.

He was always doing that. Heading shit off at the pass.

Buck had just never realized he'd be able to do it to hurt him, just as well as take care of him.

Every four weeks like clockwork Buck gets a response. He has no fucking idea why it's four weeks, what the third Thursday of the month has to do with Tommy feeling gracious enough to give Buck some clarity. He'd never known enough about Tommy, is the thing he's coming around to. He'd done everything he could to bring Tommy in, make him a part, and Tommy had let him. Tommy had distracted him with quippy words and a clever tongue and with being so fucking willing to be integrated into Buck's life that Buck just - hadn't noticed.

No one will say it, but he Bucked It Up in the worst kind of way.

He's waited until Third Thursday to send these texts. He actually hasn't sent anything at all, until this moment, and he wonders if Tommy noticed. If he cared. Tommy picks and chooses from Buck's random thoughts, parses out details like he's reading from a manual and Buck is off topic two thirds of the time. Buck doesn't actually know why he's been answering, all this time. He wonders if, in the last four weeks of silence, he thought he was finally done with Buck.

He wonders if it had hurt.

Buck sets his phone down to stand, skating across to the kitchen in his socks for the pizza rolls in the oven.

His diet is shit. His body feels like crap. He's one more drunken nights sleep on the couch away from emptying the rack in his fridge down the drain and giving sobriety a try. The last person he'd slept with had hinted that they'd prefer not to use condoms and Buck had almost let them.

Buck has worth. He knows he does. It's just sometimes when he remembers that every person he's ever loved has either walked out on him or let him walk away when he needed them, he struggles to find that worth.

His life has meaning, and all that jazz.

Buck sort of wonders if Tommy hasn't finally blocked his number, as he tosses a too-hot pizza roll in his mouth and huffs on the lava cheese burning his tongue. After the last message Buck had sent, three weeks ago, he wouldn't exactly be surprised.

(This is basically just an unhinged grief journal with an unreliable second narrator. Do you know what it's like to realize you're still in love with someone who never let you know them?)

There's been no response to that. Fair. Buck hadn't even actually said the words. No, he'd jumped right into the sharing a life part, cart before the horse as always when emotions were high.

The pizza rolls get tipped onto a plate and are immediately swimming in the heavy pour of ranch he'd prepared after he set the oven to preheat.

It cools them off a lot quicker than popping a hole in each seam and waiting.

It's been eight years since Buck has really even thought about that little trick.

When he opens his phone there's no response. No receipt. Just stark words waiting to be acknowledged.

I gave you my family, Tommy. You didn't even introduce me to your team at Harbor.

It's startling to realize after the fact. He doubts Tommy had meant it that way, but he'd basically spent six months being love bombed only to have the rug ripped right out from under his feet.

And yet. Months later and he still wants to know. Know why. Know how he could have done it, with tears in his eyes, with full awareness that it was already gonna hurt. Know Tommy - anything he'd part with, really, that wasn't something every random acquaintance also knew.

Cool, he'd been jealous of what Buck and the 118 had. (Buck had tried to give him that. Or at least he thought he had.)

Great, he didn't talk to his dad and Gerrard was a shitty captain. (Buck had spent an hour once explaining the first time he and his dad had spoken about Daniel without screaming at each other. Tommy had listened to the rants about Gerrard and offered physical comfort and a 'sounds like him' and Buck had just been so relieved to have an ally amongst the 'life is just like this sometimes' crowd that he'd never examined that.)

He was a Kinsey six who'd been engaged to the first woman Buck had ever really loved and they'd never dug deeper than that.

And Buck had apparently interpreted some of the shit he'd said that night wrong, but he still doesn't think it's fucking fair that Tommy can't trust him to know his own fucking mind well enough to know he hates sleeping around and he'd found the sort of connection he was looking for. He'd found it. Even with the lack of reciprocation. Even with the quiet behind Tommy's eyes that he'd never let Buck in on. Even with the -

His phone buzzes on the coffee table.

Can we talk?

Buck kinda hates those words in that order now. They'd been the start of something twice, but they'd always been leading to an end, if Tommy had his way.

Once every four weeks, apparently, Buck sends back and takes a vicious bite.

His phone chimes with an incoming call.

Buck stares at the name he hasn't had the stomach to remove the little heart from. Lets it ring through to voicemail and then shoves three more pizza rolls into his mouth and doesn't care if they burn off his taste buds.

His phone rings again.

"What?"

"I'm outside your building. Didn't want to make any assumptions that I'd be welcome without asking first."

Buck can feel his ribs cracking under the lurch of angry laughter. "What the hell?"

"Well the parking around here is miserable again, so I figure that's a sign."

"Are you driving right now?"

"Hands off. I'm on Bluetooth. So. Should I circle the building a fifth time or call it now and go home?"

Buck gets stuck on fifth time.

There's no way he hadn't been driving since at least before Buck sent that first text.

Buck sighs. There's absolutely no reason to be hopeful about that. For all he knows, Tommy has just decided dousing any residual flames is just another thing he has to do in person.

"My Jeep's in the shop. I'll buzz you into the garage."

Tommy's silent for a long, long moment. The quip comes anyway. "I keep telling you that thing is a money pit."

"I'm not really feeling the flirty banter, right now, Tommy, so maybe just let me know when you're at the gate."

He does. He hangs up the phone twenty seconds later with a plain "See you soon."

Buck doesn't have time to change. Fix his hair. Hide the sheet pan with half a dozen pizza rolls still laying on it, because he'd cooked way too many again.

(He could absolutely do one of these things but if Tommy's gonna throw this at him, he's getting every little slovenly habit Bucks's picked up since he walked out that door.)

The knock comes while Buck's shoving the last two rolls on his plate into his mouth.

He's still chewing with his mouth open to blow out the steam when he swings the door open, and Buck feels the first inklings of pleasure ripple through him at the sight of Tommy.

He looks like shit.

"You look like shit."

Tommy's brow ticks up. He stares pointedly at the glob of not-cheese that's going to absolutely ruin this sweatshirt.

"That tends to happen when you spend an hour in an armchair two sizes too small picking at trauma you've been hiding from your therapist for six years."

Buck opens the door wider. Holy crap. Tommy might legitimately be more fucked up than Buck.

Tommy's smile is strained. "Can I come in?"

Buck holds his gaze. His eyes are a little red. He's got a red spot along the side of his neck, like he's been rubbing at it. Buck only recognizes it as a comforting motion because he's replayed him doing it half a million times right before he ended things.

"Depends. Is this the last time you respond to my mean, rude, asshole texts for an hour after therapy rubs you raw?" Third Thursday Therapy, is apparently what does it. Buck is - god. He just wants -

"God, I hope not," Tommy says, and Buck takes a step to the side to let Tommy in.

[setmeatopthepyre]

i've just. been thinking about this scene from chimney begins a lot, especially in relation to the bucktommy break up.

in this episode, the changing relationship between chimney and the general population of the 118 is shown through his (attempts at) interaction with tommy. so this conversation he has with eli is as much about 'the other firefighters' in general as it is about how tommy has been treating chim.

and there's... something there in the 'you don't name it until you know it'll pull through' and the 806 breakup in which neither tommy nor buck say the words i love you but they do say pretty much everything else. it feels like they've both been hurt before by this thing called love that might make it feel like they're pushing their luck to name it. and there's something there in tommy ending things before buck can hurt him.

and then there's this:

and there's something there in buck looking at tommy and thinking, wow, he's so cool, he's so confident, (he has a cleft), he's so comfortable with who he is and that makes me feel comfortable.

eli tells chim: [switching to my quick attempts at gifs here bc the text is spread out over so many shots otherwise]

and what eli's saying is: feeling like a hero isn't enough. it can be your motivation to start, but it can't be the only thing that keeps you going. you can't always be a hero. no one can. everyone is flawed and everyone's gonna slip up. there's a darkness, and if you don't account for that, you're going to run into the hard things, the things you can't solve by being a hero, the things you have to struggle through, change your perspective for. if you try to ignore those things, you're going to learn some really tough lessons really fast.

and I'm thinking about tommy and buck not knowing the details of each others' pasts, being maybe a little too comfortable with how comfortable they were, enjoying that honeymoon phase rush and thrill, not really having dug into the darkness. they learn some tough lessons really fast.

tommy leaves buck. they both didn't name the puppy. (it still hurts)

chimney loses kevin. he faces the hard, dark parts of this path he's chosen and he chooses to continue anyway. because of this, he's is in the right place at the right time to save tommy's life.