#Charles hates being dead
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Time to spread my Charles and Edwin are Orpheus and Eurydice reincarnated agenda
Dream, please come get your son, he keeps going down to hell to save his partner
#dead boy detectives#the sandman#edwin payne#charles rowland#you can't just mention orpheus#in a show set in the SANDMAN universe#and expect me to act normal#do you have any idea how important his death is to the plot?#make no mistake#he IS 100% death on the show#a talking head would look too silly on live action and the show has done a great job on deciding what to change and what not to change#Orpheus is dead#but perhaps he can still ask his father to help him cross into the afterlife#After all#Charles hates being dead
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Charles vs Charles
@i-am-as-normal-as-you-are has once again commissioned me for the Reverse Verse, and this is only part 1, so expect more comics soon!
#dead boy detectives#dbda#charles rowland#reverse verse#they hate each other which probably means they need ghost therapy#they may or may not work side by side in the future...#also reverse verse is very uncomfortable in the shirt#he hates being close to other people due to The Train(tm)#but original charles is under the impression that he's so tense because he despises him#oh well I'm sure that's part of it#pray for the Edwins
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Bouncing off all of the fanfics where the Dead Boys are brought back to life again for a period of time to suggest that their thoughts on it are the opposite of what you’d anticipate based on their perception of the living while they’re ghosts. Charles sorely misses living while a ghost, despite all the awful, awful things he was subjected to. Edwin, despite 70+ years in Hell, is perfectly content as a ghost and finds the living distasteful to a degree.
But, when they get hit by an “aliving” spell, that’s not how it goes down at all.
Edwin has not been in a human body for over a century- and even then only got sixteen years of it- so he forgets how much he was missing as a ghost. Actually being able to feel things- the warmth of human touch, the breeze through his hair, the texture of worn book pages. The smell of petrichor after rain, a warm cup of sweet tea. Even just sleeping and having the ability to give his overactive mind a break. He’s forgotten how many good things there were about being alive.
Charles, as expected, is thrilled to be alive again and his first few days on solid ground are a whirlwind, but his energy is short lived. He frequently sleeps over 12 hours a night, and can’t bring himself to get out from under the covers for another hour longer. His appetite fades quickly, and he finds that foods he’s been craving for 35 years just don’t taste the same. Initially he chalks it up to his mind and body readjusting to human life (despite Edwin having none of the same issues), and continues enjoying what he can. But eventually, it becomes clear that something is very very wrong. His right arm that he shattered at age 14 (and didn’t get properly treated for days) begins to ache again. Sudden touches are no longer a gentle spectral sensation, but an unexpected pressure that he shrinks away from. His body feels heavy, and his energy drains quickly if he has any to begin with.
It turns out that over three decades of repressed physical and emotional trauma took its toll on him, and he had naïvely forgotten-or perhaps willfully omitted- the struggle that was his life when he wasn’t out kissing girls and pretending like his father didn’t exist.
Edwin feels a sense of freedom in being human again, away from all the supernatural trauma he has endured, while for Charles it is more of a burden than he ever recalled it being.
#just the idea of Charles ‘i hate being dead’ Rowland being just as miserable when he’s brought back to life#and also thoughts on how depression can fuck with your body#even when your mind isn’t aware of how much the rest of you is struggling to keep up with the responsibilities of life#but also Edwin rediscovering his love for life once he can experience it with people who care about him#ugh these two have me ill#payneland#dead boy detectives#dbda#save dbda#save dead boy detectives#charles rowland#edwin payne#dbda au#dead boy detectives au#fanfic#kinda#jess’s thoughts
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#this guy is soooo normal about a cute boy talking to his platonic best bro#THE WAY HE JUST SULKS WHENEVER MONTY SHOWS UP#FROM THE MOMENT NIKO SAYS ‘oh he can definitely see edwin ;)’ CHARLES IS LIKE I FUCKING HATE THIS KID#AND HE JUST STEPS IN FRONT OF EDWIN TO INTRODUCE HIMSELF AND THEN JUST SPENDS THE REST OF THE SCENE SO PISSY#HES SO MAAAAAAAAD#JUST FUCKING POUTING AND GIVING A STINK FACE#he is never ever pissy towards someone who isn’t posing imminent risk to ppl he loves like esther cat king david night nurse etc#but the immediate rage towards monty just UGH#jealous charles means so much to me bc it’s openly stated how jealous edwin is but like edwin gets to make charles jealous back it’s so goo#and no it’s not the same with the cat king ok the cat king is a fucking predator#that’s not jealously that’s protectiveness#and i’m sure some jealously bc someone flirting with edwin but it’s not the same it’s a grown ass man being a fucking creep to his person#i desperately want crystal to take charles aside & go#‘you know that behaviour when someone is flirting with your best friend isn’t normal platonic behaviour right’#i need season 2 and i will not give up on her#charles rowland#edwin payne#monty the crow#yeet my deet#dead boy detectives#dead boy detective agency#dbda#dbdshow#save dead boy detectives#renew dead boy detectives#revive dead boy detectives#dbd4ratch#yeet my deebd#payneland
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it’s actually so wild to me that this fairly quirky YA type show gave both of its main characters deaths that can, in one way or another, solidly be considered hate crimes. they were both flat out murdered as a result of being A) gay and effeminate or B) brown (south asian, specifically) and you could argue whether or not those kids thought of it that way in the moment or whatever but the bottom line is that they would not have been in the situations that killed them if they weren’t of their respective minorities. like legitimately that is a ballsy choice for this kind of netflix show, let alone for the two Main Characters, and i respect it big time
#rambling#i think about this a lot#you could brush charles’ off as a hate crime by proxy since it was in response to him Stopping a hate crime#but that would be stupid. like you think what happened to him would’ve happened if he was white? doubtful#as a mixed person the way i see it is that in that moment- when he protected that pakistani kid- he went from being tolerated#by being/acting just white enough and with enough other jock traits to sort of fit in amongst them#to all at once proving to them that no- he is in fact The Other. he isn’t one of us he’s one of Them.#and as such what happened to him would’ve been a bonafide hate crime. even if they were to give an excuse like ‘he got in our way’ or ‘he#made a fool out of us’ or whatever else. even if those boys didn’t fully UNDERSTAND the racism in their own intentions/actions#it still would be. because that would not have happened to a white boy. period#anyway. genuinely fascinating choice they made with the way they presented his death- especially considering it was not#remotely similar in the comics. neither of them had the hate crime aspect going on really up til yockey’s narrative choices#so props to him. man’s got balls#dead boy detectives#charles rowland#edwin payne#edit: I will say that I don’t think the boys in edwin’s case technically murdered him nor would I call them murderers#because I can’t imagine a single one of them actually thought that ritual was gonna do anything more than make him piss himself#it was still hate-based bullying. like they still absolutely did what they did because he’s visibly effeminate and easily clickable#and all in all: gay. but when I say edwin was murdered I don’t really mean by those boys. I mean those boys dragged him into the situation#(kicking and screaming) that GOT him murdered by a demon. and he would not have been in that position if not for being gay.#I’ll say it again because last time I talked about this someone got real pissy in my inbox: I am not excusing the actions of the boys that#got him killed nor am I saying what they did wasn’t based in homophobia. i am just clarifying that they didn’t intend on killing anyone or#think whatsoever that someone getting killed was even a possibility (as opposed to charles’ killers who definitely had to have thought he#could be killed even if that might not have been the premeditated goal of every boy involved)#but the fact that edwin was ultimately intentionally killed by a demon counts as murder to me#someone killed him on purpose. that’s murder#the demon probably didn’t give a shit about this human teenager’s sexuality but regardless he ended up there for being gay.#so. just. a clarification
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show runners already said they want to put desire as an antag in season 2 and I am. not ready. if they pull another taunting Edwin with what he wants but can’t have while also being humiliated with this want. It was a cruel private thing with the cat king but to do it in front of Charles would be so mortifying for Edwin
or vise verse for Charles god…
#dead boy detectives#dbda#dbd#edwin payne#charles rowland#payneland#i need them to kiss#their friendship and the concept of friendship being enough is so so important to me but equally so is Charles being able to accept a part#of himself that he wouldn’t hate on anyone else but would be inferior and just another thing he can’t do right for himself#is this anything#I actually can’t take it if Charles has to watch Edwin get humiliated like that#And Edwin has to be humiliated while he watches
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S1E5 The Case of the Two Dead Dragons
Dead Boy Detectives
#dead boy detectives#dbda#charles rowland#edwin payne#i've spent far too long staring at charles's reaction to being called a kid here#by a lad that's technically much younger than him#i'd love to know what going through his head#because sure he died at 16#but he's existed for 51 years now#and when he says that he hates being dead#and that he wishes that he'd had the chance to grow up#comments like this must just be a constant low-level reminder#that he never will grow up#and strangers will only ever see him as a child#dbda gifs#my gifs
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one thing i really love about the DBD fandom and was relieved to see is that people don't villainise Crystal or Niko for being close to Charles and Edwin and claim that they're "in the way" of the Payneland ship
it's an all too common way female characters get treated in fandom, and i'm glad to see that while they both had affectionate relationships with one of the boys (briefly romantic in Crystal's case, platonic in Niko's), people are normal about them
especially Crystal, i really dreaded that some of the fandom would blame her for the piss-poor way Edwin initially treated her out of his jealousy over Charles liking her, but thankfully, i haven't seen that happen myself
#if people DO hate on Crystal for that reason. i'm so sorry but that is not only misogynistic but stupid as well#it's not like she ever made a move on Charles. HE was the one who liked her. SHE was even the one who pointed out that it upset Edwin!!#like i love Edwin as much as anyone. but he was undeniably shitty to Crystal. even if he had his reasons for being wary it was inexcusable#my guy knew she had no memories and no sense of self and nowhere to go. and was ready to throw her back on the streets#ace's random thoughts :)#dead boy detectives#dbda#crystal palace#niko sasaki
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on the absolute highest of keys james mcavoy does pull off bald charles really well and i wish we got another movie with bald james mcavoy
#xmen#xmen apocalypse#xmen dark phoenix#charles xavier#professor x#snap chats#i do not acknowledge dark phoenix most of the time. it did give us paris proposal but otherwise i was just kinda Eh bout it#this is NOT a dark phoenix review though someone worded my thoughts about it better than i ever could#i should rewatch it though and double check my opinions vJAELJAEKLJ i always like typing them out anyway ..#i literally watched it two weeks ago but i forget everything ever besides marriage proposal and mystique dying#cause of course they kill my girlfriend i HATE IT HERE first you take her powers in last stand and now shes dead#anyway. is this inspired by bryan cranston being on the casting list to be professor x in mutant saga NO#but it is in spirit... ive never seen breaking bad but i do have a fave interview clip OF bryan so i have no beef with him#HOWEVER .... i wanna see james bald again .........#like i dont know what it is his head shape just works REALLY well... please believe me please udnerstand me#ok bye i think im uploading a doodle page later
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I honestly love Crystal x Charles but I think her bully side is gonna be a huge wedge between them come season two. Like Charles hated bullies so much that he died because he was standing up for some kid. And crystal knows this, (maybe not everything but she knows his distaste for bullies). She’s already tried to run from them and while I think she’s learnt her lesson and isn’t gonna try that again. She’ll probably try and hide everything from Charles and he’ll know something’s up and it’ll probably just be a lot of miscommunication till they blow up at each other. that combined with the other problems they have will probably end up with them ending the relationship next season.
#just to be clear#this isn’t be hating on them#I think they’re cute together I just think they have to much going on for either of them to be in a stable relationship#that being said#I think it’ll probably bring them closer together#crystal palace#charles rowland#cryland#dead boy detectives
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this is a test
#i’m bored i just wanna see how many words i can put in the tags like will it just keep going on forever or will they stop me like i know th#the tag limit is 30 ok so the iindividual tag limit is 140 characters that’s actually so rude i wanted to keep going forever and see how lo#g this could be but i guess we can do this 30 times ok what the flip should i talk about hm i was playing the guitar today but i rage quit#ause the song was hard and hurting my fingers! ermmmmm it was sunny ok this is boring let’s think of more exciting things to type hmmm acco#ding to all known laws of aviation- jk i’m not doing the bee movie script but can you imagine i think that would be funny hmmmmm words i lo#e podcasts so bad that’s a fact no one has ever know before my blog definitely isn’t all about audio dramas the people are definitely not a#ready aware of this jesus christ this is only the seventh one of these this is actually quite a lot of space i underestimated how much i ha#e to type btw there’s probably spelling mistakes in here somewhere or autocorrect has been annoying but i cba to retype anything so i don’t#care lolllllllllllll how do you feel about oscar malevolent i feel a normal amount actually (lie) yk what i really miss sam and colin alrea#y like i’m actually not okay i really hope we hear from sam again in s2 and also colin ngl i hope ur in the computers soz or not dead miss#im like a bastard my paranoid it king ok erm im running out of things to say um heartstopper s3 was crazy good i cried lmao i love gay peop#e so much it’s crazy i hope it gets renewed for s4 i need to reread the comics lowkey and the books they’re all so talented for being so yo#ng it scares me ngl !!!!!! the tmagp hiatus is getting to me slightly like february in reality is soon and not that far away for how podcas#ts go but seriously how am i supposed to live until then without knowing what happened. please colin be alive. ive only just realised i can#use fills stops. sorry that’s made everything a bit messy. i should’ve been doing this before. whoops. anyways. hi mutuals i love you all s#much i hope you enjoy my rambles and shitposts cause i enjoy yours very much! never think you’re being annoying i literally don’t care be a#annoying as you want posts as much as you want i am ur biggest fan <3 im getting a bit fatigued from typing like my mind is blank basically#now it’s just turned into a. stream of consciousness but i don’t really have any thoughts to put here idk if we’re halfway ermmmm omg it’s#lmost halloween how crazy is that time is flying by i kinda forgot it was october lmao. it’s wild how it’s basically almost christmas. like#what. that’s illegal. how is it wintertime again. what the flip. i miss summer already take me backkkkkkk. i hope my phone doesn’t crash or#smth cause i’ve not saved this as a draft and i cba to do any of this again. maybe i should save it. ok i will when i reach the next tag bc#ok it stopped me but i’ve saved it and holy jesus it’s a lot of text im just sat here giggling there’s really no point to any of this other#than me being bored sooooooooooooooooo (imagine if i just did the letter o for every character wouldn’t that be crazy) so wait there’s 140#haracters and 30 tags so what’s 30 x 140. someone hurry. i haven’t done maths lessons in two and a half years i’ve forgotten everything wai#let me get the calculator app ok im back it said 4100 characters so. i dont know how many words that roughly is but its. a decent amount. o#what the flip why am i wasting tag space with maths. i hate maths. my screen time has been actually soooooooooo bad recently like damn some#one put my phone in a block of ice please joshua gillespie style. my mind is running out of things to say. do i talk about myself. im james#im 18 which is weird cause wdym im an adult go away. ive run out of facts. i love podcasts and procedural dramas that stupid firefighter sh#w is my life unfortunately. i think chappell roan should be the queen of england instead of king charles. i dont like having a king cause#ho needs men in power not me. ok um this is the last tag equal rights for all. yolo. the time will pass anyways! thank u boredom ok bye gn:
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vent vent vent
#i like max-iel as a ship but some of these posts i see going around like you can't be serious#you can explore these concepts on ao3#daniel's retirement will not affect max's career/future in f1#sure he might miss his friend but he has bigger problems like the rb fucking 20#daniel being gone does not push him a step towards retirement#also saw someone say that daniel's one of the last ppl max started with and ???#is carlos dead?? hulk? checo? lewis and fernando? im sure im forgetting someone#there are plenty of familiar faces#even those who raced him in other categories like esteban charles george etc#i hate this whole sentiment that daniel is all max has#anyway had to let some thoughts out again#talking
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the progression of alma and john’s relationship over their lives is something that is so personal to me actually
#txt#i can picture it so clearly in my mind as an art piece#1) alma holding john at gunpoint when they’re both seventeen and hateful and strangers#2) the two of them glaring at each other at a distance with their arms folded - the peak of their sibling like rivalry#3) john walking away as alma shouts after him#4) the two of them laughing together while bloodied after a job#5) alma riding away from beaver hollow with an exhausted and bloodied john tucked behind her - both of them fearful and tear stained#6) the years they were apart out of necessity#7) the two of them hugging - alma in tears - after so long apart because they both thought the other was dead for sure#8) alma waving back to john and the marston’s as she leaves beecher’s hope with charles for the last time#😭😭😭😭😭😭#ch: alma mcarthy#don’t get me wrong alma’s relationship with Arthur is also great and makes me cry#but john …… that’s her Brother#i think them being the same age and being in the gang for so long really solidified their relationship
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Romac updated
Gromov d*es high definition😎
#pooooost#the one gromov snippy interaction got posted!!! sleeper agent awakened#might have just been me grasping at straws but I feel like the rewritten dialogue was even fruitier#I kno snippy was being sarcastic but bro#Charles rlly went if gromov has 500 fans I’m one of them if gromov has 10 fans I’m one of em#if gromov has 1 fan it’s me if gromov has 0 fans I’m dead#sarcastic obviously. but still.#I fuckin hate these dudes so much smh🤦♀️#romac
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Well I once had a lead bullet in my intestines leading to severe abdominal cramping and appendicitis, and also ovarian cysts that the cramping was pushing on, at the same time, where I eventually just started going into shock after walking to work at 3 am, but honestly I can't tell if I have had worse migraines or nerve pain... Indigestion is pretty up there, like that pain is just way disproportionate to the danger level. I'm not sure broken bones register all that much? I *think* nerve pain has to be the worst, uncertain. Having a rib out of place really sucks?
We ask your questions so you don’t have to! Submit your questions to have them posted anonymously as polls.
#You know I couldn't figure out why for like 2.5 years someone at work always went out of their way to make sure I had a ride to and from#work but tbh it was probably that my first week I walked across town with appendicitis lead poisoning and ovarian cysts before asking#them to call an ambulance because my vision was tunneling and I thought it might be my appendix#and maybe some of them made a pact to make sure I wouldn't pull a stunt like that again??? I just thought they were being nice?#maybe they were trying to me-proof me?#Well after a while I figured it was Alex's attempt at seduction and that Jenna and Charles just felt bad I had to walk?#but like maybe being afraid I'd show up to work half dead again was more so the issue?#no word on why -knowing this- my supervisor didn't take it seriously when I said I was in too much pain to work? I think she just#hate me for reasons#I once had a sunburn where the whole surface layer of my skin peeled off and now I have these white freckles and that sucked#but mostly it was so ungodly itchy#like chew a limb off and deal with that healing instead kind of itchy#and it smelled like my own flesh cooking from radiation so there's that
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agh.mmn I can't wait to be away from real life I am. Very bluh.
#don't let them see this!#i am really enjoying this hangout and i like spending time with him but#i was hoping id be able to. do things#this weekend#because ive been surrounded by so many but oddly lonely? i dont understand#and it is hard to act like this and i keep being very violent and i dont want to be#i am very tired of this stuff#all i want to do is fall over and be a Little Fellow#and charles finally wanted to make plans this weekend after silence so long but no i judt had to be busy nearly every goddamn day this week#and i cant even work on the minecraft world and someome else is sleeping in my room!!#i had to rearrange my nest!! i hate this!!#and now the house has a bunch of people staying in it#i really wish i could be held agh. i have been nonstop tired every day this week and i was hoping i could cool down thisnweekend but plans#immediately#and stress and i am Dying Dead#and then i have exams in literal days that i planned on studying for this weekend!! genuinely!! i made plans!! fuck!!#i want to cry!! and puke from sorrow!! my legs hurt and i feel so emotionally tired and worried#i have been so physically affectionate today its gross!! i hate that!!#i want to be alone in my nest agh#i really want to yell and be sngry at someone because then i can be alone or atleast get anger out#ive been saying things i Never Would rghhh#sleeping has been awful lately and ive been nonstop having dreams and i hate dreaming#i would take sleep paralysis over dreaming any day#i hate being percieved as the meaty me!! because thats not me and whoever speaks will never be me and i finally got to speak a little and it#felt so right!! and i loved it!! but it was so little and i Cant be me and i hate being this! and i hate this awful body holding me back!!#why is it so hard to live??#i enjoy sleep paralysis So Much.
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