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mcmusing · 3 years ago

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X-Men Days of Failed Prequels

After so many mentions along with anti tags, the time has come for me to detail the depths of my disdain for the cinematic version of x-men days of future past. The sequel of stupid fandom loves. This is going to earn me so many cool points. Though considering I’m the one chick who finds Ian McKellen’s Magneto laughably one-dimensional, popularity obviously isn’t at the top of my priorities list. I’m also not trying to trash anyone who genuinely enjoys the film, however baffling I find that reaction. This is simply modern life in terms of media. If you can’t enjoy it on its own merit, take satisfaction in sending it through the shredder.

Those who think I take these films too seriously, first, I have a connection with FC whether I like it or not. Second, you’re protesting too much. If you really just see these as basic popcorn flicks and vehicles for slash-tacular fantasties, you wouldn’t make an effort to get me to shut up. I know because I’ve read critiques of fandoms I really enjoy and never responded. Unless someone’s trashing the Lion King then it’s on.

After the breath of fresh air ushered in by FC, the tone of this movie is bogged down with despair and misery only the stupid phoenix movie could surpass. This is also from where the bulk of the alleged sexism outcries stem. Sexism. In the X-Men. A group of outsiders from all walks of life made family, linked together by their mutual goal of defending a world that fears and hates them. A well-oiled machine of powerful men AND women who work and play off each so effectively. Yes, a positive of X-Men is the tackling of relatable real-world issues. Sexism can be a valid topic if handled objectively. However, the mindset has no place within the X-Men team itself. Seriously, these writers want us to believe that in a time of tremendous civic upheaval- presidents and movement leaders being assassinated, mass rioting and protests, churches being burned down, these vigorously trained warriors are wasting time on boys vs. girls contests.

To paraphrase James McAvoy, why did they bring the grandparents in?! The FC cast had infinitely better characterization from their initial scenes alone than the original cast had across an entire trilogy. It’s no question why this was done, though. After recovering from the major surgery of having his ego enlarged monumentally, Singer darkened the doorway of this series yet again. He couldn’t act fast enough to unceremoniously dispose of most of the FC players. No, he has to roll out the red carpet for his cast to return.

Let’s see, who’s here. Shawn Ashmore- or is it Aaron?- eh, I don’t care. Halle Barry- lady, if only your acting ability improved at the same rate you cut your hair. Ellen Page- sit down, kid, Hugh Jackman’s agent is on Stan Lee’s bowling team. King Patrick Stewart and- oh, no, no, no, no, no! Why did you have to bring your expired ham courtier? Sir Ian McKellen is back and wrinklier than ever. Even confined to a wheelchair and without telepathy, I always bet on Professor Patrick being able to take down this remarkably unintimidating dude. Took long enough for this war he kept preaching about. When we first meet them in the 2000 movie, Magneto is old and raggedy and mutant extinction has yet to occur. Even when they had valid reasons for wiping the mutants out, all the government did was weaponize the cure to subdue their powers. The US wants to be all stingy about helping their law-abiding citizens, but these suckers built an elaborate plastic prison for this Jewish refugee turned terrorist. It would have saved so many tax dollars to simply put Magneto to death. So, what is this senile sack of geriatrics always wailing about? Don’t be putting him in the same movie as Michael Fassbender. Even if they don’t share a single scene together, you don’t juxtapose a wet match next to an active volcano. Sure, both Magnetos were completely useless in the movie, but only Michael deserved better.

So, Mystique, who was totally Charles’ kid sister the entire time, is the reason the world goes to crap. Apparently, Prof X’s protectiveness and efforts to instill values in that scaley orphan ‘drove’ her away, eh? Then, Magneto put her on a dark path. Essentially, Mystique is a misunderstood victim turned into the doomsday device all because of the duel between two penises. I guess free will is medically impossible for creepy scale people. In trying to showcase some sort of empowerment, Singer and company wound up degrading Mystique and everyone around her in the process.

While Mystique was an important part of the original dofp, the film version goes way overboard in elevating her to dead center. I’ll admit that I was a Jennifer Lawrence fan during this time also, thanks to FC and the Hunger Games. I used to only feel indifference towards Mystique, but Jenni Law bringing so much humanity to the role really made me want to see more Raven… why can’t I have nice things?

Since Singer loathes character development (seriously, check out the deleted scenes from the earlier X-movies. Fleshing out characters always winds up on the cutting room floor), we’re reunited with the FC cast ten years after the tragedy that was Cuba. Ooookay, that was supremely unsatisfying but maybe we’ll see what happened during the interim. Maybe we’ll see how solidified Erik and Charles’ individual teams are by now. Yeah, dream on. Charles spiraled into a devastating depression from, once again, losing everything he ever cared about after trying to rebuild himself post-paralysis. As for Erik, the worldly, self-taught nazi hunter and holocaust survivor who gained a sizable power increase under Charles’ instruction, couldn’t stop a single bullet from taking out the president. That’s not even the worst of it. Someway, somehow he was not only caught in a suspicious position, this dude got locked up by plain Jane homo sapiens for ten years. So, he’s been in a plastic prison twice? The US is dead set against killing this moron yet *Charles* is the one leading a life of privilege?! At least what happened to Charles is mostly believable. What happened to Erik required so much effort to show the least amount of effort.

So, who is out there being a mutant freedom fighter? Freakin Raven. My suspension of disbelief still suffers strokes from this. They seriously want people to buy that this sheltered rich girl with a fixation on her appearance, trained with Erik for six months and just like that, she’s a one-girl revolution. While Erik himself got captured like a pathetic punk. So, Raven has been going around the globe to rescue mutants from being experimented on, but she couldn’t raise a single pinky finger to free Erik before he suffered the same fate? This isn’t me siding with Erik but with logic. Even worse, the blue brat is on an idiotic quest to avenge her genocidal friends that were, appropriately, killed. But she refuses to even disguise herself once in a while to secretly check in on her own brother. Is the audience seriously supposed to be sympathetic here? Why don’t we throw a memorial for the Pearl Harbor and 9/11 bombers while we’re at it?

I’m not comic purist. In fact, something I really like about FC is that it’s similar to my own writing style. With so many different universes of superhero lore, I take whatever characters and aspects I like from different mediums to create something new. That really is the same thing FC did. However, the changes they made to Erik and Charles are mind-blowingly insulting. Dofp painted this iconic duo of different views but similar drive and ambition for mutantkind as pitiful failures. They suffered character assassination solely so that Raven could usurp their legacies and be made a false idol to worship. They filled the whole mary sue checklist for this girl. She’s considered the most important player for the future world, she’s the only one actively involved in the mutant plight, all the men are either in love with her or desperate for her to be in their lives again, the audience is expected to side with her without question, she is NEVER once held accountable for her actions (like her abandonment of her critically injured brother) but she receives all the credit and praise once the crisis is averted. None of that is female empowerment, you creatively bankrupt SOBs!

Hey, feminists, unsure adolescent girls out there searching for a relatable character to look up to, stop. Stop falling for this. Singer and Kinberg care about you as much as Disney cares about gays. Just a spoonful of pandering will make the bitter medicine that is these movies go down. I swear, x-misogyny and x-misandry abounds. Raven is an infantilized caricature so common in female characters now. They work for nothing, are handed everything, never go through genuine growth, and they crush so many men under their boots in the process. Kitty was played up as the time traveler for dofp, but she became a sentient machine for Logan to travel through instead. Rogue used to fill the slot that Raven is in now, but her daggon crap mom did her dirtier than Joan Crawford did Christine and stole it. Rogue was still supposed to have a significant part. She was meant to take over for Kitty as Logan’s sentiment time machine… girl power!

Men, with the exception of Peter, don’t fare any better. Charles’ mental health issues, pain, and nurturing desire for a family are treated as if he’s being weak, selfish, and the victimizer even though he’s the one going through the most struggle and abuse. Erik became a cruel, cold-hearted, shameless, nonsensical megalomanic before his descension into straight-up cowardice. Every time he wasn’t on screen, I forgot he was even in this movie. Charles doesn’t care about him in the slightest- and he shouldn’t- compared to his desire to heal his relationship with Raven. Erik cares about literally nothing but forcing his own agenda, killing his so-called ‘brethren’ if they dare hinder that goal. Hank is perpetually emotionally stunted and wimpy. His entire characterization amounts to nerdy science guy. There is not a single trace of Kelsey Grammer’s intellectual, well-read, majestically spoken, courageous, politically ambitious, mutant defending Hank McCoy. James Marsden makes his first re-appearance in the franchise in years and all he’s there for is to be the oblivious, mistreated boyfriend while Logan and Jean make bedroom eyes at each other.

Yeah, about that end scene with all the original cast members back together all happy like. With the exceptions of Rogue and Prof X, I don’t give a flying fart! Those played out MFs invaded the FC cast’s film and for what? Yeah, maybe they averted the apocalypse but they don’t know that! This is a completely alternate timeline. The former X-Men are very, very dead and none the wiser. Oh, Singer, thank you, thank you so much. Erik and Charles’ non-existent friendship, the unbelievably unnecessary estrangement between Raven and Charles, the waste of Michael Fassbender’s talents to the extent that he himself cringes at his own performance were such worthwhile sacrifices so that your outdated cast could have their precious sendoff.

Here’s another bit of controversy. You know that famous scene of baby James Charles meeting and conversing with King Patrick Prof X? How well it’s staged, how emotionally driven, how superbly well-acted it is? I still stand in awe of how these two could take totally different approaches in their performances of Charles Xavier and both walk away as the definitive live action version of the brilliant mutant mentor. That being said, the “It’s the greatest gift we have. To bear their pain without breaking. And it comes from the most human part of us” part- geez, I could barely type that out without tearing up. As poignant as that moment is, it’s honestly a very unhealthy message.

Yes, real men maintain a steadfast shield of stoic strength in order to protect those they love, never prioritizing their own needs above the ones for which they care. It’s a beautiful sentiment but in this situation, it is such an enormous burden placed on a young Charles’ shoulders. Even real men need help from time to time. Yes, Hank stayed with Charles- basically as his physician and home manager. But Charles lost his deepest, most intimate connections. The love and support of his sweet sister and the safety and camaraderie all too short-lived from his older brother figure. Surrounded by so many students in the future, when it comes down to it, Charles is completely alone. He’s forced into the role of emotionless, all-knowing saintly sage under the harsh mandate of absolute perfection. The tiniest slip or flaw, regardless of his intentions or attempts to rectify, takes everything from him and replaces it with scorn and contempt. He is a beacon for what he himself is never given; forgiveness and empathy.

This really cuts me at the quick because I think the Erik and Raven apologists are so rampant because most of fandom have no idea of what it’s like to be the group’s designated Charles Xavier. Everyone else is allowed to give into their emotions, fly off the handle, make all the demands, break all the rules, and receive the simplest redemption for it. Charles has to be the moral core because no one else in his life can begin to grasp that level of selflessness and reliability. Shouting, destroying, physical assault, reckless behavior- easy peasy. To be the one on the receiving end of unrelenting misery and coming out of it with unwavering refusal to continue the vicious cycle- that’s true strength.

Wow, writing is a good calorie killer. I haven’t had more than a handful of chips since last night. Meh, I guess I’ll go rectify that.

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mcmusing · 3 years ago

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Part 2 of Alternate FC

"What concern?"

Erik walks to him. "What did you do wrong?"

Darwin promptly replies, "Not push you out of my moving cab?"

"Besides the obvious."

Darwin then says, "I should have improvised a weapon sooner."

"True." Erik goes on with, "But we're only here because you revealed your weakness."

Total confusion from Darwin. "What? When?"

Erik says, "Lack of sleep leaves your mutation too discombobulated to efficiently adapt."

"Wait," Darwin tried to grasp. "You cooked this whole thing up from shooting the breeze in the middle of the night?"

Sean comments to Erik, "Yeesh, you're like those wildebeests that kill their young if they don't learn to walk 90 seconds after they plop out of their moms."

Erik replies, "Flattery will earn you no brownie points here."

Charles tells Darwin, "It really was a good catch on Erik's part. We all need to be aware of our limitations."

Hank offers, "I can probably come up with something to help you in a pinch. Maybe an adrenaline supplement."

Darwin nods appreciatively. "Thanks, Hank."

Erik says, "You keep a gun in your car but out here, with an entire arsenal coming your way, it took you too long to use one to your advantage. You can't be completely reliant on your powers like a one-trick pony."

At his laughter, a surprised Charles admonishes, "Darwin."

"Sorry, but," Darwin eyes Erik, "I'm a one-trick pony? I know you're new to this country, but we have an expression about pots and kettles that applies here."

Erik gives a look. "You think I'm dependent on my powers?"

"Eight hours of sleep won't help you out here..." Darwin indicated the woodland area. "Last I checked, iron and steel don't grow on trees. You love your sneak attacks, but when's the last time you've gone hand-to-hand man-to-man?"

Erik asserts, "Sounds like you're angling for a demonstration. I'll give you the courtesy of dawn tomorrow. You should be done licking your wounds by then."

"Oh no, right here, right now," Darwin insists.

"Out of the question," Charles refuses. "I won't have you critically injured over a bruised ego. This is beneath you, Darwin."

"Not me," says Darwin. "I'm bringing in a ringer." His eyes fell on Hank.

Hank points to himself. "Me? I- I- no, pass."

Raven encourages, "Hank, come on."

Erik goads, "Here I thought I saw a man in there. My mistake."

Expression hardening, Hank removes his glasses. "Hold these." He hands them to Raven.

Cut to ground level in the woods where Erik and Hank are sparring. The younger mutants are chattering excitedly. Charles looks uncertain, not altogether pleased about the pissing contest of bravado but Darwin has a point. Erik needs to challenge himself more. And Hank needs to unleash the Beast.

Said Beast appears when one taunt too many gives Hank the drive to pin Erik facedown into the ground. The others congratulate Hank, who reaches a hand down to Erik, who refuses.

Darwin glances down at him. "Loser cleans my linens."

Death glare from Erik.

Raven gives Hank his glasses but hangs back with Charles and Erik.

"Are you okay?"

Erik accepts their help to his feet. "Never better. Finally, a little progress around here."

A pleased Charles pats his shoulder.

We see the final round of extensive x-training with variations of the team helping each other.

Charles creates illusions of enemies for airborne Angel and Sean to take out with acidic spit and sonic screeches. On the ground, Raven and Hank are improving their reflexes by racing against Darwin and Erik. At Raven disguised and Hank in shoes, Erik gets annoyed and chastises them.

"Are you preparing for a bloodbath or a beauty pageant? Keep holding back and your vanity is only going to reduce you to a pair of pretty corpses."

"He's right, guys," Darwin agrees. "We're in the 11th hour here."

Hank and Raven exchange self-conscious looks before the former removes his footwear and the latter dissolves into blue. Their running speed and reactive movements improve significantly.

When devices to hurl jagged metal discs in every direction are set up, Darwin shields Erik from every single one he's unable to deflect. When they reach the end unscathed, Erik's expression is as hard and reluctant as ever. Darwin grins and extends a hand. After another moment of hesitation, Erik slaps palms with him amicably.

As the team regroups, everyone is overflowing with euphoric energy from their improvements. A still blue but breathless Raven is taken aback when Hank clasps her wrist to check on her then smiles. Sean is spinning with Angel on his back. Through the glee, Erik zeroes in on the slight trembles coursing through the congratulating telepath's hands. Charles sees the older man watching him and declares now to be a great time for a break.

That night after everyone's gone to bed, Erik finds Charles in the master bedroom. He thinks he's going over CIA intel but instead there are brochures all over his desk.

"Psychiatric care?" Erik raises an eyebrow. "Too little, too late, lab rat."

"Not for you," Charles smiles in amusement then grows serious. "When this is over, I think Angel needs to talk to someone. They all should after what they saw at the facility."

Erik eyes him in utter disbelief. "Yes, a stiff suit with framed credentials is going to single-handedly vanquish all of the death, despair, and blood-chilling fear that invades the mutant fledglings on a nightly basis."

"We could seek counseling for them through the CIA. That way-"

"No," Erik shoots down fiercely. "Those g-men are not getting into their heads, making test subjects out of them for their next breakthrough or best-seller."

"You trust them enough for combat but not counselling?" Charles points out. "And I'll remind you that two non-mutants brought us into this."

"And one of them is dead," Erik brought up briskly. "By mutant hands. You really do think that after we've served our purpose that they're just going to forget what our kind did to their brothers-in-arm?"

Charles stands from his desk chair. "I think our willingness to stop 'our kind' in the name of justice will factor in just a tad. Wartime makes strange bedfellows. The States alone have proven that."

"Wartime makes for paranoia, desperation, and scape-goating," Erik counters. "The States alone have proven that."

"Erik...." Before Charles can say anymore, he has to steady himself at the desk.

"Charles?" Erik has to move swiftly to keep him from falling. He carefully lowers to his knees, instinctively cradling the younger man in his arms (yeah, yeah, yuck it up, slash fans. I'm here for the platonic bromantic)

"What's going on?" Blonde Raven steps inside.

Hank is behind her. "Is he alright?"

"It's just a small ache," a fatigued Charles insists.

Erik orders, "Get him some aspirin."

"No," the Xavier siblings object together and Raven explains, "Pain killers throw his powers out of whack."

Erik gives Charles a look. "Anything else you care to share? Food allergies, perhaps?" He frowns at Charles wincing.

Hank goes into Charles' bathroom and wets a cool cloth for him. Erik snatches it from him to drape over the telepath's forehead.

When Raven kneels to see about him, Charles insists, "Everything's fine, love. Go on back to bed, both of you."

A dejected Raven stands. Charles appears so secure in Erik's seemingly steel hold. In the hall, she takes Hank's hand.

"Where are we going?" Hank wonders but follows her lead.

The pajama clad pair wind up in a clearing in the woods behind the mansion. Side by side in the grass, they stare up at the starry night sky.

"With all its monuments," Hank speaks, "there's no view like this in D.C.."

"I know." Raven rolls to her side provocatively.

Hank follows suit and they go into a passionate kiss. The scene fades to dawn with them asleep but still clothed. Hank holds a blue Raven. They are soon found by Angel and Sean flying around, who warn them that it'd be wise to get inside before sweet, easy-going Charles gets the cane. Raven shifts into blonde as they rush up.

Cut to the parlor where the dissatisfied Professor reprimands the contrite couple.

"Did you even consider what would have happened if anyone else found you out there?"

"Charles, please," Hank apologizes. "We just wanted some air. I should have been more mindful. I meant no dis-"

"Hank," Charles interrupts. "I'll speak to you later. I'd like a moment with my sister, please."

Hank gives Raven a supportive glance before walking out, where he discovers Darwin, Sean, and Angel on the stairs.

Sean claims, "We're concerned citizens."

Angel states, "No, we're just trying to be in your business."

Back to parlor.

"You know you can't maintain a shifted form when you're asleep," Charles reminds her.

Raven urges, "We didn't mean to fall asleep."

"You didn't mean to," Charles repeats dismissively. "Constantly falling back on that excuse. As if that juvenile display at the facility wasn't enough..."

"Excuse me?" Raven retorts. "Can the Xavier not made legend for chug contests cast the first stone?"

All four in the hall are astonished.

"Chug contests?" Sean whispers. "The Professor is too cool."

Parlor.

"That life is behind us now," Charles states resolutely. "And I've told you before that big slip-ups do not bear thinking about. Not only could you have exposed your natural form to any random dog-walker but you were out there with Hank. Are you trying to ruin your reputation?"

Raven gapes at him before a disgruntled expression forms. "Oh, my, whatever must I have been thinking? Here I thought we had a new open-door policy for mutant girls with bad reputations.

In the hall.

Darwin frowns and touches Angel's shoulder. "She's just upset."

Angel shrugs. "Blue Barbie's got a point."

A distinct throat clearing alerts the four to the mutant elder descending the stairs. With one silent look from Erik, they all head up.

Erik mentions flippantly as Hank passes him, "Might want to put something on those hickies. Mosquito swarm, I'm guessing?"

A reddening Hank dips his head and hastens out of sight.

Parlor.

Charles touches his head in frustration. "Raven, I've had one migraine recently and I'm in no mood for another. Stop with these childish antics, actually grasp the gravity of what we've been called to do, or this is another mission you can sit out."

An angry and hurt Raven quietly huffs out of the parlor. She releases a startled breath at nearly colliding with Erik.

He states, "No amount of moonlit forest frolicking is getting you off this team so easily."

The girl develops a tiny smile at that then continues upstairs.

Charles looks over when the metal wielder walks in. "I'm sorry you had to hear that. Honestly, it's like beating my head against a brick wall with her of late."

Erik responds, "I'm sure she feels much the same way about you." This catches the telepath's attention. "You do have a habit of singling her out."

"Raven and I did not grow up like the rest of you."

Erik glances around at their high-end, majestic surroundings. "I'll say."

"That's not what I mean," Charles sighs. "All of you believed you were alone in the world. Raven and I have had each other over half our lives. She knows well the dangers out there if anyone sees her true form."

"Yes," Erik responds. "She is the only one of us you've sufficiently beaten over the head about what a curse mutation is."

Charles is caught off-guard by this, but Erik merely turns to go.

On the night before the mission, Angel is helping Charles clear the dishwasher.

Charles notices her suddenly lost in thought. "Are you alright?"

"Doesn't this feel pretty pointless to you?" Angel faces him. "We're about to go up against mutant nazi-terrorists and we're in here putting away the good silver."

"Because a multitude of Xavier matriarchs will roll over in their graves if we do otherwise." At her continued seriousness, Charles says, "We are not going into battle as kamikaze extremists. There's so much on the line, but we can't lose sight of what's at the top of our concerns. All of us coming back from this alive. We have so much to look forward to beyond tomorrow and personally, I'd like to come home to clean dishes and folded laundry."

Angel asks, "What's beyond tomorrow?"

"You tell me," the mutant elder replies. "Have you considered going after your high school diploma? You and Sean both need to continue your education."

Angel tells him, "Yeah, maybe for people like you and Sean. I called it quits on the 'separate but equal' school system for a reason."

"I understand, but many things have changed here in the States since Raven and I have been away." Charles then offers, "While we're all continuing training, I can teach you and Sean right here. Eventually, we can explore solid college options for you."

Angel stands in disbelief at the total lack of uncertainty in his tone. "You're serious?"

"Yes." Charles smirks a little. "And don't even think about deliberately getting yourself killed tomorrow to avoid sitting through a class lecture with me."

Angel jests, "I'm gonna need you to stay out of my head. Hey, Charles, your thesis on mutation? Do you think I could take a look at it tonight?"

A touched Charles grants, "That would be an honor, my lady."

Passing through, Raven glances into the kitchen at the cheerfully chatting two.

Shortly after going to her suite to get ready for bed, Raven hears a knock at her door.

"Come in." She happily gets up from her vanity at Hank walking in. "Hey."

"Hey. I have a surprise for you." The scientist hands her a long jewelry box.

The smile on Raven's face vanishes upon discovering the two syringes inside.

They go to sit in the opposite facing chairs close to the lit fireplace.

After explaining that the cure won't harm their powers, Hank notices her utter lack of enthusiasm. "You do still want to do this?"

"It's just that...." Raven looks at him. "After training so well in our natural forms and that night in the woods, I thought you were okay with..."

"Living with these cancerous appendages I call feet for the rest of my life?" He says. "Not for a second."

"You're beautiful, Hank," Raven declares. "Everything that you are. You're perfect. Think about everything we can achieve together. We are different, but we shouldn't be trying to to fit into society. Society should aspire to be more like us." She reverts to her blue form with that.

Hank is quiet for a long moment before scoffing. "Are you kidding me with that saccharine train of thought?" Raven looks shocked. "I didn't ask you to do this, Raven. You wanted me to help you, remember?"

"I know, but--"

Hank cuts her off. "And now you're trying to guilt me into into throwing away what I've worked for since childhood? Do you have any idea how much of an outsider I've been, even in my own family? How I've lived almost every day in fear of being found out?"

Raven asserts, "I've been in hiding my entire life, too."

"We might be similar but do not try to equate the two. You look different from head to toe, but if anyone finds out about you, you can start over in any form you choose. Or have Charles throw money or mind tricks at the situation. I didn't grow up with a powerful big brother to mop up after me."

"That has nothing to do with this," Raven insists. "We have each other- a whole family of mutants now. If we accept and support each other, eventually others will, too."

"What dream world are you living in?" Hank goes over to stand by the fire. "Saving the world tomorrow might keep a lynch mob from coming after us but acceptance?! Angel is gorgeous and all she's ever gotten for it is exploitation. Darwin is the embodiment of amazing and he and I can't even use the same men's room. And you think anyone in their right mind will ever consider my feet and your natural blue form beautiful?" Devastated, Raven quietly resumes her blonde guise. "Look, do what you want but don't try to shame me into plunging off the cliff with you." He took one of the cure vials and left the room.

Insert Erik and Charles parlor chess conversation.

When Erik returns to his quarters, he finds a very naked Raven tucked under his covers.

Insert conversation about what a perfect animalistic pet wench- er, 'exquisite tiger' the insecure young girl on the rebound is. And what predatory performance would be complete without a vomit-inducing kiss?

Cut to nasty naked Raven in the kitchen, offended by the brother with no interest in viewing her lady bits. Charles believes she should at least throw on a robe before the awkward high-school aged boy pops in for a midnight snack.

Raven sits at the island. "That's not what you said when you first saw me. But I guess pets are always cuter when they're little, right?" (Yeah, you tell him, you 'exquisite tiger' you. Because brothers and sisters who bathed together as small children always love seeing each other nude post-puberty, right?)

Charles does not understand why Raven is tweaking so much lately. Her new handsome, innovative, ivy league mutant beau Hank even found a solution to the cosmetic problem she won't shut up about.

"I thought it was going to be you and me against the world." (So, being glued at the hip, living in your own exclusive bubble, and serving as each other's ONLY family/friends for years and years wasn't enough?)

Raven storms off while Charles probably goes to review plans for tomorrow, pay the bills, look into learning opportunities for the kids, order equipment for Hank's lab, make an extensive grocery list for the extra five mouths he has to feed, suffer insomnia for most of the night due to his battle anxiety, and a host of other things with which Erik will be of no help to him.

Cut to Hank transforming into a version of Beast that will make the rest of us cry out for Kelsey Grammer.

In the morning, Raven is blue but clothed and... absolutely no one cares. Because Angel been told her she doesn't have to hide in her own house, Darwin wouldn't look down on another dark-skinned person, Sean's a pale redhead who is all too likely familiar with being bullied, Charles already adopted the blue brat, and Erik is her puppet master.

When they dress in their new yellow and blue uniforms, it's noteworthy that while Raven shows her cleavage, Angel has her outfit completely zipped up.

Fuzzy wuzzy Hank comes in. Raven is geeked that his life's work backfired so that she can have a blue buddy. When Erik gives him a transparent compliment, Hank strangles him to death. He then flies them all to Cuba. Once there, while the others take care of the grunts, Darwin goes after Shaw.

Shaw tries to sell him on the whole mutant brotherhood thing but Darwin's all, "Get your discount Lex Luthor ass out my face. You've killed more people than the kkk on steroids," then snatches the helmet off his head like a cheap weave.

Charles is then able to freeze and lobotomize Shaw. Still, the military fires heat-seeking missiles on the beach with no regard for their own agents. Sean and Angel take to the sky to force two of the missiles into the water. When Hank gets the others to a safe distance, Darwin faces the remaining missiles head on. He survives the enormous blast. The mutant team regroups in a horizontal formation of Darwin, Sean, Angel, Charles, Raven, and Hank.

Charles uses telepathy to address the forces: Despite all that we risked to complete the mission for which you sought us out, you not only betrayed us but your own brothers-in-arm. Regardless, if it's war you desire, prepare for a one-sided struggle. The rest of mutant-kind will not stoop to your nor the hellfire club's level. But I promise you, we will not cower in the shadows and allow you to take innocent life in your senseless quest.

The military forces declare a truce with Charles' team. They're picked up in a CIA jet and awarded medals by JFK. Charles goes on to discuss plans for peaceful co-habitation between their individual groups with the president. After surviving such an ordeal, Charles and Raven talk through their issues. So do Hank and Raven, who rekindle their romance. Sean and Angel are welcomed into mainstream schools while Charles appoints Darwin field commander of their newly minted X-Men.

And so, the first steps to bettering the world beg-- okay, fine, Hank doesn't actually kill Erik. But wouldn't so much good have been accomplished if he had?

On the plane, Raven- for some reason since she's still so moody- takes the seat right next to Charles, sandwiched by him and Sean. Angel sits directly across from them between Erik and Darwin. Not that she minds since being in the middle of the metal wielder and the indestructible guy isn't a bad position should anything happen while flying the friendly skies.

Angel jokes, "So, since we're going to Cuba anyway, can we stop by Desi Arnaz's house?"

"Isn't that in Hollywood?" Sean points out.

"No, the house before he got with Lucy."

"Hey, if she gets to see Desi's place, I want to stay long enough to get a tan," Sean quips.

"Cool," says Darwin, "if you want the rest of you to be as red as your hair. We'll need about a hundred gallons of sunscreen for you and Charles."

Angel wonders, "Hey, Raven, do you turn purple from sunburn?"

The shape-shifter lightly kicks at her. "Shut up."

"You shut up, grumpy."

"Excuse me," Erik's thunderous voice interjects. "Has the elevation completely thinned all oxygen from your brains? It will be fortunate if half of you survive to go site-seeing. Cut the horseplay."

"Calm down, geriatric grumpy," Angel teases. "This is an all expenses paid trip to Cuba. Might as well enjoy it."

Raven says, "I am up for a little snorkeling."

"Children," Charles pipes up, "Erik is right. Now, settle down or I'll have Hank turn this plane around and we'll just let the world end. Is that what you want?"

The younger mutants chorus, "Yes!"

Erik raises his gaze in a 'heaven help me' gesture.

In Cuba, Sean does his sonar bit to locate the submarine. The others watch in awe at the way Erik lifts it out of the water. When the plane is hit, Erik covers Charles with his own body and in a rare moment of showing any kind of terror, Charles grips the older man's wrist. Erik uses his magnetism to keep them pressed and to reinforce everyone still buckled in.

After the crash, Charles helps Moira, Erik gets Raven out, and Darwin sees to Angel. Charles assigns Angel and Sean to the sky together and Hank to ground level.

"Darwin, stay with Erik."

Erik objects, "No, this is--"

"Not up for discussion," an unusually impatient Charles commands.

An angry Erik takes off.

Charles: Darwin?

He looks back at Charles' voice in his head.

Charles: Stay with Erik.

With a silent understanding between them, Darwin quickly catches up with the metal wielder.

Erik is furiously frantic when they cannot find Shaw on the ship right away. Until the mutant terrorist in question reveals his hidden chamber. He tries to defame the lowly humans to them.

Darwin snaps, "Nobody's helping you nuke the planet, fool."

Shaw chuckles. "The negro and the Hebrew, how quaint. If only I'd thought to bring backup- oh, yes." Another hidden door opens. "I did."

Erik and Darwin are both utterly flabbergasted as Alex emerges. Gone is the small, lean teenager. He's broad, muscular, tense, and his blue eyes are void of any spark.

A paternal rage builds in Erik as unwanted flashbacks course through his mind. "What. Did. You. DO to him?!"

"For him," corrects Shaw. "Havok is a much improved final project. Fortunately, I had my flaws from you to learn from."

"Alex," Darwin addresses, "are you even hearing this? He can't condemn normal humans fast enough but he's the one capturing his own kind for guinea pigs."

"Exactly what I wanted," Havok finally speaks. "I'm not gonna spend the rest of my life in a hole to protect a world that would gun me down in a split second." He looks at Erik. "Here I thought you'd be proud, old man."

Erik's full fury unleashes and the duos go at it. Havok's fire power is mostly uses against Darwin, who winds up tackling him. Erik goes for Shaw but the older mutant is packed with more power than ever before. Going up against his boyhood tormentor also hinders Erik's abilities.

Darwin discards Havok at one point to get between Erik and a lethal blast.

"You again, eh?" Shaw seizes him by the throat. "The valiant defender routine has grown tiresome." He shoves and pins him into the nearest wall. "What do you say we see how adaptable you really a--" Shaw abruptly releases him when an unexpected blast from behind has a mild reaction. "You..." Havok stares unapologetically. "I. Made. You."

"Yeah." Havok shot at him with increased plasma power. "Your fatal flaw, dumbass."

Darwin witnesses Shaw absorbing it. "In another second, we're done. All of us."

Resolve returning, Erik magnetically plucked off Shaw's helmet.

Erik: Now, Charles!

Charles promptly froze the mutant terrorist.

Initially relieved, Darwin looks horrified at Erik donning the helmet. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Settling an overdue score. This is for my mother."

Charles attempts to plead with his friend while Darwin rushes to his feet. A shot of plasma from Havok throws him back and Erik pins him in place by the metal attachments on his uniform. Darwin can only watch as Erik drives the coin through Shaw's forehead.

Charles wails in unspeakable agony. The sensation of experiencing Shaw's death overwhelms his entire system and leaves him breathless. Moira reacts to his sudden collapse.

Once Shaw's body similarly plummets, Erik releases his hold on Darwin.

Erik turns to Havok to praise, "Welcome back, my boy."

Havok matches the elder's self-satisfied grin and says to Darwin, "Admit it. You enjoyed that, too."

Darwin has a panicked expression. "Wh- where's Charles? I can't feel him anymore."

Erik pales and races out ahead of the other two. At the sight of Hank carrying a limp, half-conscious Charles, Erik leaps over to seize the younger man from Hank. He eases into the sand on his knees, holding Charles like a newborn on his lap. Even in his severely weakened state, Charles appears to find comfort in the embrace.

"Come now, lab rat, stay awake," Erik softly coaches. "Just stay awake a bit for me, please." When Raven and the others attempt to approach, Erik snarls at them to keep back then orders Moira to get them some help.

Hank slips an arm around a distraught Raven. Sean squeezes Angel's shoulders from behind, who is trying not to cry. Havok looks guilty and Darwin has accusatory eyes aiming at Erik.

Moira puts in a call for emergency medical assistance. Her radio cuts off and the beach dwellers look over to see missiles from every ship making a path for them.

"Are they for f-cking real?" exclaims Sean.

Amidst the terrified reactions, Erik seethes. He spares one hand to seize the missiles in air. Everyone's initial relief is short-lived as he redirects them toward the ships.

"Erik," Charles manages to speak hoarsely, "no, you can't..."

"No, keep still," Erik orders. "This is all their doing. I told you what they would do to us, Charles. We have to protect our own."

Darwin, Hank, and Sean try to tackle him but Erik flings all three back. When Angel tries to fly, Erik yanks her down forcefully into the sand.

"Do not try me, girl."

"Twisted son of a bitch," snaps Darwin.

With Erik's focus on everything but him, Havok sends out an enormous wave of red plasma to send the missiles well beyond the ships. Everyone is mesmerized by his immense power growth.

"You didn't end, Shaw." Darwin moves to help Angel up. "You became him."

"And he was right," Erik declares to everyone's shock. "They couldn't wait one minute after our usefulness ended to annihilate us. We are all we have left in the world now, mutant brothers and sisters. He looks down at Charles. "We'll regroup. As soon as you're back on your feet--"

"No."

Erik frowns heavily. "Charles..."

A feeble head shake. "I've seen and felt a mere glimpse of the suffering your self-righteous rage will inflict. This new world you desire... I want no part in it."

"Charles, no," Erik pleads. "You're hurt and delirious. You don't know what you're saying. You're my brother; my only family."

"I felt exactly the same way," Charles strains, "until you proved me wrong."

A crestfallen Erik gives the telepath over to Moira and Hank. Face hardening, Erik extends his offer of mutant domination to everyone, including Riptide and Azazel. He reaches a hand out specifically for Raven.

However, the shape-shifter goes to Charles to kiss his head and ask Hank to care for him. Hank looks at her in total revulsion. Darwin and Sean form similar expressions as Raven accepts Darwin's hand.

Havok goes over as well.

Erik tells him, "Cross me again and you'll pay in more ways than you can fathom."

Havok nods.

Angel dashes forward suddenly. "Erik, wait."

"Angel," Darwin calls after her.

Sean's jaw drops. "Are you kidding me?"

Erik smirks as she comes to stand before him. "I knew you had potential, little pixie."

Eyes turning venomous, Angel chucks acidic spit in his face. Erik jerks his head and recoils. After exchanging wordless glowers with Raven, Angel makes her way back to Charles' team. They watch as Erik's forces teleport from sight.

When a plane with medical assistance finally arrives, they learn that between the quiet strain he's been under on top of going through Shaw's death, Charles' brain is unable to communicate with his spine any longer. The news of his paralysis devastates the younger mutants.

Cut to two days after they've settled back in the mansion.

Charles: X-Men... X-Men to me.

At their mentor's voice in their minds, Hank, Darwin, Sean, and Angel gather in the master suite, where Charles is recuperating. The males line up by the bed while Angel sits on the side of the mattress near Charles.

The Professor urges, "Please do not despair. This is not the end but the beginning of our important work. Unfortunately, that comes with accepting the reality of my own limitations. Darwin, I relinquish field command to you. Effective immediately."

The adaptable mutant is emotionally stricken at first but stoicism quickly takes over. "Yes, sir."

A still furry but sharply dressed Hank puts forth, "Where do we go from here?"

"Yeah," Sean speaks. "We put all we had into taking down Shaw's cronies just so Magne-Judas could pick up the baton. What do we do now?"

Charles decrees, "We fight. To protect a world that will, all too likely, hate and fear us. This will be a long uphill battle, but we must set the precedent. Not only for the sake of preserving mankind but for mutants yet to come. Those still out there like we all once were, frightened and alone."

Darwin vows, "They're not alone. None of us are anymore."

Sean tacks on to the telepath, "Thanks to you."

Angel clasps Charles' right hand between both her own. He reinforces his steadily rebuilding strength with a squeeze.

Finally, thought I'd never finish writing this thing. It was a challenge typing it entirely by phone so how much it's disliked will not be a detriment to my rock starrin'.

Seriously, it's a rough idea of how things could have gone down in the movie in a more believable, fleshed out way. Yes, it would require adding a good half hour or more to the runtime but so what? If they're that concerned about getting more showings in at theatres, make the DVD/Blu-ray of the director's/definitive cut. With an incredible cast, do more with these characters. First Class did a lot of better things than the other X-Men films but even it was not spared from plentiful stupid.

I know basically no one is too familiar with Darwin or (girl) Angel but again, so what? Make people want to see more of these two. This is one of the many reasons I hate race-swapping of popular characters. Instead of giving attention to perfectly good but somewhat obscure black heroes, creators go the lazy route of dipping a well-known white character in fudge. These directors fake like they're so liberated and in favor of representation. Only to kill off melanin packed characters or make them evil, make trauma survivors irredeemable, and give women the shallowest motivations for asinine decisions. Then, they want to make the white man out to be wicked and naive while unintentionally making him the most virtuous one.

With another mutant girl around close to Raven's age, it could have provided some great exposition. Raven talks about pretty mutations and gets jealous of conventionally attractive ones. She grew up with everything thanks to Charles and is lured away into darkness with some stroking from Erik. Angel grew up with diddly squat and takes comfort in Charles' acceptance and faith in her. There's also something to be said about how Angel tries to use sex to cement Charles' favor but he rebuffs it and maintains a paternal dynamic Angel isn't used to from men in power. Erik focused on Raven's appearance and even kissed her during a clear moment of weakness for the girl. As Raven grows more risque, Angel could become more confident and conservative.

Erik also isn't given the last word every single time. Additionally, he has a challenge with Darwin around. Erik was at the bottom as a Jew in Europe. Darwin is on the bottom as a black man in 1960s US yet he does not allow his circumstances to make him a perpetual victim void of morals.

One-sided arguments are a favorite in the FC series. They wanted to make Hank into a callous jerk for speaking the hard truth to Raven. Don't Hank's experiences and reasons for wanting to change count? Are only women and brooding Jews allowed independent thoughts?Plus it irks me that Hank stays a stuttering boy and simp to Raven instead of maturing into Kelsey Grammer's Beast.

Charles and Erik are somewhat more on equal moral footing here. We see that Erik grasps things about Raven Charles misses. That Charles got so preoccupied with the new arrivals, Raven felt left out a lot, even though she could have vocalized that better. Erik is more involved with and shows more concern for the recruits, too. I swear he was too kicked back livin' large while Charles did everything in FC. There are also more affectionate/playful moments between the two that show why Charles likes having him around. And while Erik is still technically responsible for Charles' paralysis, it happened in a way he could not have foreseen. Charles' hidden mental health issues didn't help, either. Losing his legs from a severe, body damaging mental trauma makes more sense for a telepath.

Anyway, think and talk amongst yourselves.

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