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two-white-butterflies · 2 days ago

Text

we'll meet again

Description: Two old friends meet again, wearing older faces...I guess you know how this goes. In which, you have a flawed relationship, a flawed breakup, and a flawed reunion with the one that you love the most.

Pairing: harvey specter/doctor!reader (age gap)

AUGUST 2012

It won't end just because I say no.

Three days ago, the worst thing happened. You found an engagement ring in your boyfriend's coat pocket, and he has never spoken about marriage to you. He has always been vocal about having a skewed perception of marriage because of his parents. He always used to say that he liked things as they were.

But gods, yes, you did envision a successful future with him. You did see yourself getting married and having kids and living in a bigger house - but getting married right now is too soon.

You still have to finish medical school, then a hell of a residency.

"I think we need to talk," you settled on the couch beside him. It's the first time in months that the both of you are inside the apartment at the same time.

You couldn't even look him in the eye, your eyes only trailed back and forth between the herringbone floors of your NYC apartment. You don't fail to notice the way his eyes light up at the sight of you. His girlfriend of five years. His girlfriend who survived stayed at his side during his dark days at the D.A.'s office. His girlfriend who stood beside him through everything, is still standing beside him as he works for Pearson Hardman.

His girlfriend. His future wife.

"Yes?" He raises an eyebrow, patting the empty spot beside him - motioning for you to scoot a little closer. Harvey has always had a hard time vocalizing his feelings, but you know that he loves you. He does not need to tell you a thousand times. He settles a hand on your waist, inhaling your scent of roses.

"I found something in your coat yesterday." His grip tightens around your waist. "- If it is what I think it is. I'm not ready to get married, Harvey." You quickly added, not leaving enough time for him to respond. There are still a million things you want to do on your own, a million things that you want to prove to yourself before considering yourself worthy of becoming the Harvey Specter's wife.

"Oh," usually a very composed lawyer, but now unable to form a comprehensible sentence. "I-I," he stumbled in his speech, unaware that his grip has already loosed around your body.

His lips pressed into a thin line.

"I'm sorry for not taking your feelings into consideration." He apologized. His eyes were watery. He had unbelievable restraint when it comes to fighting in court but the thought of losing you makes his chest tighten. The same way that he felt when he ran away from home. "No, I'm sorry. I don't think that I'm in a place where marriage is a choice yet. I'm going to finish med-school this year and I want to be a neurosurgeon. I want to fall in love with my profession before getting married, and you are amazing guy Harvey. I'll marry you a thousand times, but not now." You explained with a frown.

Both of you are unwilling to address the elephant in the room.

25 and 34.

It wasn't an age chasm per se, but you were at different points in your lives. Harvey was already a successful lawyer - known in his field, working in one of the best law firms in NYC, and you were just there. No one even knows you in the university that you're studying in. You're just one of those kids smart enough to make it into Ivy but not smart enough to actually stand out.

"I'm scared of making a mistake," your voice turns into a whisper in the last sentence. "I'm scared of hurting you because I don't know if I can do it without you," you added. His features merge into something indescribable - sadness and frustration merged into one.

He's a good smart man.

He's never forced you to do something that you didn't want to do with your entire heart, and it is because of that reason that you are mad at him, because you know that even if you hurt him - he'll still stand beside you, make the sacrifice of never getting married if it meant being with you.

And the truth is, you are not as remarkable as him to make that sacrifice for.

"Don't say that," he frowns while pulling your body closer. He puts a smile on his face. "- You'll never hurt me." He promised.

He interlocks your fingers together. "We're going to get through this. I'm glad that you were comfortable enough to talk to me. I completely understand and I am not disappointed." He reassures, caging you in a warm embrace and you lean deeper into his touch, until he lifts you from the couch and you are now sitting on his lap.

"I know. I just don't want to a selfish bit-" you rambled.

"You are not selfish for being yourself. You do not owe me anything." He corrects, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

You continued staring at his features, able to discern between the personality that he has reserved for the outside and for you. "I love you, Harvs." You pressed a kiss to his lips. "I love you too," he answers.

He wraps you in a warm embrace, and you make a promise to yourself. It is all going to be better in the end. We will get married, but not right now.

yourname: ❤️

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donnapaulsen: Thanks for being my substitute secretary 🤣 - yourname: couldn't be more honored 🙏🏻😘

HannaBanana: She posts as she cries about our 48 hr shifts - yourname: give me 4 cups of coffee and it'll go thru fast - - HannaBanana: 2 redbulls trust me on this one

Six months later, you were chosen to work in a hospital in Singapore. A country known for being a pioneer in Asian healthcare. It was fun working in another country despite the blazing heat.

Harvey (Roam Sim) Went out to grab some groceries. I got grapes but I remembered you weren't here.

You I'm proud of u 🥰 finally doing grocery for yourself but baby please get over your grape-hate

Harvey (Roam Sim) I don't eat infant wine I gave them to Donna

You She hates grapes too Should've given it to Louis #GetLitt

Harvey (Roam Sim) Funny attempt at making puns

You I'm hilarious hun Seen 4:52pm

A sigh escapes your mouth, seeing that he has yet to reply to your message. It was almost 5am in the morning back in New York. This arrangement has been very difficult for both of you, there are only six golden hours every day when you're able to speak to each other.

And it all depends on your shift.

"Made you some coffee," Anchilee offers, placing the cup on your desk. "You're an angel," you mumbled while taking a sip.

"Still having relationship problems?" She asks and you nod.

"It's been tough." You breathed.

"It's normal for couples to hit a rocky road because of distance. I faced the same thing with my husband myself, but your boyfriend is a lawyer, right? Don't let him go." She teases.

Your phone rings. Harvey (Roam Sim) is calling... you slide to answer.

"Hello?"

"Hi, sorry I'm in the middle of driving."

"Drive safe. Did Ray take a day off?"

"He got sick. How are you?" He asks.

Even after all these years, his voice still brings warmth to your soul.

"I'm alright. I'm in the middle of my lunch break and I have to shadow an operation later. What about you? You're a little early for work." You make an observation, and he hums.

"Early bird always gets the worms sweetheart. But enough of work, are you free next week?" He strangely asks.

"Yep, I might spend the entire week playing DOTA, which I do not have an addiction to, please do not schedule an intervention." You giggled before he could scold you about the dangers of addiction to online games. "Put your computer away because I booked tickets to Singapore. Let's have fun." He says.

You wanted to feel happy, but the smile doesn't reach your eyes.

I love him, with all of my heart but I'm staring to love being alone by myself.

The life that you build here in Singapore is lonely and you like it.

"I'll pick you up at the airport. Send me your flight details,"

"I'll take the train. Don't you worry, I'll also bring iced coffee and fries."

"I see that you've finally been influenced by my iced coffee ways." You teased. "- Can you please bring fries from there? They don't taste the same here." You requested with a soft whine. He chuckles.

"I will." He promises.

"Thank you, I love you."

"I love you too, goodbye."

"Bye."

DECEMBER 2018

Harvey never came to Singapore.

You had a fight the day before his flight. You won't go into the details but it was horrible - for the lack of better words. There were two types of fights: one that can be fixed by a few hugs and kisses, and the other fights are better left unresolved.

Six years ago, he chose to defend Cameron Dennis instead of telling the truth - and judging from your conversations with Donna, he has already paid for that sin. You cannot really hold it against him anymore. Six years later, and you want to believe that you've forgotten about him but you most definitely have not.

He was your first and last boyfriend.

"I swear to god," you mumbled while opening your yahoo account to check for any important emails.

[email protected] sent an email! Just Now

"What the fuck!" You close your laptop shut.

You open the laptop slightly as if the email was going to leap out of its feet and jump at you. "Why would he email me?" Your throat suddenly felt dry. You click on the dash and the email appears.

from: [email protected]

I have a confession to make, the first time I saw you. I liked you.

I've spent a lot of time with people, both men and women alike and this profession has exposed me to the darkest parts of them. It almost made me lose faith in humanity. I used to believe that we were all pigs. Me included, but not you, never you.

When I took you on a date, you were the first person I saw who ordered pain au chocolates during breakfast with iced coffee and no water. I told myself, I like this girl. She's going to be my wife.

You have something special inside of you. You have that spirit. You are by far the bravest girl I have ever met. Days, weeks, and months passed. I don't know if it is because you opened your heart to me, or I forced myself to open up to you but we became lovers. You always used to tease me for my praying skills. I don't pray but somehow, I felt like I was God's favorite child because he gave me you.

I never thought that love could be this reliable. I love every moment. I love every bit of you. Your love. Your kindness. Your ambition.

We bared our souls to each other, and because of you, I started believing in love again, because of you, I found the beauty in love. I started to fight for what I believed in. I began to be a better person. I started to be brave. But, I'm sorry I could not go the entire way.

Not right now.

Five years together, I thought we were good. More than five years going on forever, or so I thought. What happened? Why did we break up? I'm writing this email a few days after our fight. Jessica has been on my back the entire time. I've been calling your phone too.

But today, I decided to stop bothering you.

I have decided to let you be and give you the space that you need. That's why I'm sending this email, six years from today. You'll be thirty-one years old by then and I hope that you are happy. I hope that you can do everything that you wanted to do, everything that I stopped you from doing because I wanted you to marry me.

I hope that after six years, you're able to decide if you want to be with me forever. I'll wait, knowing that one day, I'll be back. I will do everything it takes to bring you back. I will never lose hope that we will have our second chance.

Regards Harvey Specter,

"Shit." The first words that escaped your mouth once you realized that you had been crying. You silently wiped the tears from your eyes. If only you knew that he felt this way back then.

Anchilee hands you a glass of champagne.

"Thank you for attending my party. I've been begging you for years now." She places a hand on your back, guiding you to navigate the sea of people in the living room. "Oh please if you didn't mention the free flight, I would not have found the power to come." You giggled.

Honestly, your hands felt clammy around the champagne flute. It has been your first time in six years to step foot in American soil.

"You should introduce me to your dad. I've yet to congratulate him for retiring," you reminded. Having remembered Anchilee's father as a rich but humble businessman.

You turn around to walk in the direction of the open bar. You freeze, catching a glimpse of a familiar figure in the crowd.

Harvey, the man that loved you.

He sees you too, and your eyes momentarily meet.

31 and 40.

Anchilee sees your lingering stare. "Oh, that's my dad's lawyer. After he got sued for a billion dollars, he'd become very close with that Harvey Specter fellow." She whispers, moving you to a secluded place. Anchilee was aware that you had a boyfriend back in the past, but you never bothered to tell her his name - you weren't really that close back then.

"He's my ex," you blurted out and she almost choked on her piña colada. "What?" Her eyebrows merged together. "Why would you break up with him?" Her eyes widened slightly. Mostly because she knows how much her father pays him.

Obviously, no one in their right mind would ever break up with him. He was everything that a woman desired, tall, handsome, intelligent, and rich - and things wouldn't have ended the way they did if the circumstances had been different. "I get it that you're this beautiful hotshot surgeon, but he's seriously the only man who fits your standards. Correction, the only living man." Anchilee glares at you.

"It was just the wrong time." You shook your head.

It could have ended differently.

You should have said yes to his proposal, regardless of the feelings of sadness you felt at first. "Maybe this time?" Anchilee raised an eyebrow, teasing you. "Maybe not," You giggled.

"Hello," a voice from behind you greets.

This better be -

You are greeted with an unfamiliar face. "I'm Harry. Nice to meet you." He greets and you introduce yourself while shaking his hand. He was quite an eccentric-looking figure, he had a clean-shaven face, and he had a tattoo on his pointer finger.

"Oh, you're that guy in the band." You smile, remembering the nights you spent singing his songs. "Yeah." He confirms.

"- I'm sorry for ambushing you, but I felt alone in a sea filled of distinguished professionals dressed to the nines, and I don't mean to offend but.."

"I'm alone." You cut him off with a chuckle. "- it's alright, I basically have no social life as my work takes up the majority of my time." You explained. To other people, being on the call 24/7 was hell, but to you, it was the good type of hell - if saving people can be called that. "You are the surgeon friend of Anchilee." He remembers.

"Are you friends with her too?" You inquired and he shakes his head. "A friend of a friend," he corrects.

Before you could reply to him, he glances at the man behind you.

You turn around, and see Harvey.

"If you will excuse me," Harry pats your shoulder.

The sight of him still brings such warm feelings to your heart, filling your body with joy. There was silence between you. A silence that seemed to speak louder than words.

"You still look the same," he breaks the silence. "You look different," you answered. He had a different hairstyle. He wore a black suit instead of the dark blue that he always wears. He smelled like powdery flowers instead of after-shave. He is different.

"I hope that that's a compliment," he cracks a smile.

Wow, you're beginning to sound like two old friends, but he doesn't want to be friends. He doesn't even want to talk to you unless it all goes back to normal. "How you've been?" You asked, mirroring his smile, attempting to navigate a conversation with him. "I've been worst, how about you?" He answers vaguely, no longer able to speak random flowing sentences about small occurrences in his daily life.

His response was a generic response now.

Something that flows languidly out of his tongue.

How are you? I'm okay. Are you alright? Yeah.

"I think I am worst," your nose scrunches up.

He stares at you, the same indescribable look that he wore when you first fought. How about now? His eyes said. Let's try again. His silence said far louder than words. "Do you think that things could have ended more differently?" You inquired, and he is bitterly reminded of your bluntness (a feature he still adores.)

"You got the email," he smiles bitterly.

"I managed to read through it, and I don't really know what to do." You shrugged, the distance between you becoming closer and closer. "You can delete the email." He jokes, "- I felt really guilty when we called things off. I felt like I was losing the love of my life, and I was. I did. But I was also really thankful that it ended, because being alone taught me a lot of things. I'm not the same person anymore." Your teeth burrows into the insides of your cheeks.

"It was the wrong time. We've never good timing," he comments, and you are thrown back into that video you made during New Year's Eve 2010, where you were both a minute too soon in celebrating the New Year. "I'm miserable." You admit.

Five friends. A million dollars in your bank account. A real estate portfolio, and you were miserable.

His features softened.

And you knew that he was miserable too.

"When you're a lawyer, you learn how to look at life from a different perspective. They say that criminals are vital to society because without them there wouldn't be cops, or lawyers like me. When you left, I figured that heartbreak was good because it meant that there was more room for love. Despite that, my heart still didn't have room for anyone - no other love other than yours, no other sadness." He takes a step forward, and you are thankful to have been in the secluded part of the gardens.

"- but if you love me just because you love me, that is not an enough reason. Love in its essence cannot feed a starving mouth. There needs to be respect, and kindness. Respect and kindness that was there between us, six years ago, but wasn't strong enough to fight against the test of time." He places his hands on your shoulders.

"Let's start again, as stronger people, and maybe this time it'll be the right timing." You proposed, your eyes having a conversation of its own. Love is always a beating risk, but that is part of the thrill.

A bird falls from its nest to learn how to fly.

"Let's try again, then." He agrees, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

And somehow, that forehead kiss was more intimate than any kiss to the lips.

Inspired by Starting Over Again (2014) although, I am not a Toni Gonzaga defender.

A rewrite of my fic titled maybe this time.

#harvey specter x reader #harvey specter fanfics #harvey specter x you #suits fanfic #harvey specter #suits #harvey specter fanfic #harvey specter imagine #harvey specter smut #x reader

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