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#Character Detail Book 1
twinprincessparty · 2 years
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Princess Fine Info from the first and second character detail books!
Translated by the wonderful currytantou on twitter! Thank you very much!
A girl full of energy like the sun, Fine.
The Sunny Kingdom's princess. Always sticks with her twin Rein. She is not good at dancing and practicing, and because she is full of energy and restless, she received quite a disgrace nickname as "the most un-princess-like princess since the creation of the Wonder Planet".
She loves to eat, and when she visits other kingdoms, she would first look for delicious food. Even at parties, she cares more about the feast than dressing up. If she smells something nice, she would follow the scent immediately.
Thanks to that, she gets along well with fellow glutton, Princess Milky.
The type who takes action right away once she thinks of something. She has a tendency to judge based on appearance and intuition which is why she made a
blunder and was tricked by a fortune-telling old woman. Even so, there are situations that end well such as when she believed in Eclipse from the beginning and how she helped Ukki, ready to jump into the danger regardless. For some reason, she's worried about Eclipse.
Take a Break - pumo! Poomo's Princess Level Check!
Princess Fine has quite an ability to judge a character as she can see through that Eclipse is not a bad person - pumo~ But can't she do something about how easily distracted she is when it comes to food - pumo? As a princess, she still has a long way to go - pumo!
Fine's Secrets
She tosses and turns a lot in sleep!
She always wakes up in a different position than when she fell asleep, sometimes she even slips out of her duvet…
Leave tree climbing to her!
She practiced climbing trees when turned into Fiekky! Now it's what she's best at.
She was overjoyed that the Dream Seed, which she had been lovingly and painstakingly raising, finally sprouted.
She thought it failed so she felt especially pleased.
She's best at being active! 
She's a master of tree climbing with the spirit to never give up when she turns into Fiekky.
She's been curious about Eclipse since their first meeting. 
He held her when she fell in the forest while trying to pick some bananas.
Her tearful face when she missed the cake at the tea party. 
Perhaps the most important thing for Fine is delicious food.
Cheerful Fine's only weaknesses are dark places and ghosts! She had to look for Bright but she's so scared that she cannot stop crying.
Detail of Fine
A princess of Sunny Kingdom whose catchphrase is “Oh no! Oh no!”. 
She loves to eat and play and is the type who dashes straight ahead. She challenges various things such as ball riding, arts and runs up a jumping pier. Perhaps due to her liveliness, she is sensitive to other people’s troubles. When Tio was frustrated over the Bright Samba incident, or when Nacchi couldn’t do well on trapeze and when she immediately took action after Bright invited her. She has a subtle maiden-heart side in her, like how it bothered her when Shade leaned more towards Rein. Like Rein, she has the power to trust people and the strength to keep smiling, and that’s how she earned everyone's trust and became the perfect Eternal Solar Princess.
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“This is not the Bright that I know,” said Fine when Bright told everyone to obey him, the king. A line from Fine who wanted him back to normal which touched Bright’s heart.
Sensing Shade’s impatience when he couldn’t find the Full Moon Turtle, she suggested that he take a break for a change of mood. “Eating delicious food makes me feel better.”
She was a little shocked when Shade asked Rein to take care of Moon Maria. “So Rein is more reliable...”
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bonefall · 7 months
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.. opinions on wind runner? i feel like im one of the only ones that genuinely hates her sometimes
If you feel like the only one who genuinely hates her, I think you need to look around more. Wind Runner is a very widely disliked character, because she's often used within the story as a small antagonist who "threatens" the authority of Tall Shadow. Gray Wing dislikes her. Thunder is openly cat-racist to her. She spends several books trying to break through the moor cats' xenophobia to join a group that came to HER LAND.
Then, when Moth Flight is old enough to be a relevant character in Forest Divided, Wind Runner is turned into Yet Another mean mom the very moment Moth displays ADHD. She's contrasted to her mate Gorse Fur, who is a Soft And Good Dad, and ultimately MASSIVELY punished with the harrowing events of Moth Flight's Vision (even though, for most of that book, she's completely right.)
Ask yourself why they're especially harsh on WIND RUNNER for being mean to her child, in the arc with Tom the Fucking Wifebeater and his redemption death, plus Thunder being forced to stop being mad at his abuser Clear Sky, please.
To me, Wind Runner is an intense, ambitious woman who's demonized for it in a way that men just aren't. She's subject to several misogynistic trends within WC, plus a huge helping of xenophobia that goes absolutely unexamined. If DOTC cared at all about women, it would have treated her with the nuance she deserves.
Wind Runner is treated with nearly endless suspicion by Gray Wing through books 1 - 3, while he's bending over backwards to suck Clear Sky's toes.
Her wanting to join the group that came TO HER HOME and being a bit pushy about it earns a stronger reaction from Gray Wing than Clear Sky murdering people.
She's pressured into changing her name "to fit in," and it's still not enough. She wanted to join the group so bad she changed her name, at the request of the Mountain Cats, for a chance of being better accepted
This came after she'd already saved Jagged Peak's life when a burrow collapsed on him. She's plenty trustworthy.
She keeps doing shit to try and prove herself to this group of assholes. Remember Bumble being dragged back to her domestic abuser? Gray Wing interprets this as a power struggle, when WIND RUNNER WAS NOT EVEN PART OF THE GROUP AT THE TIME.
From Wind Runner's POV, she did something that the Moor cats wanted done. It was fucking evil. It was committing violence against another member of the out-group the cats see her as.
But who actually has the power here? Tall Shadow does.
Gray Wing said it himself that she could have come up with some excuse for Bumble to stay, and she didn't. In fact, any cat could have spoken up. No one did.
and still. STILL. Wind Runner gets nothing. Her reward is Gray Wing surmising that actually, her doing their sick dirtywork was a political move.
It's more consistent as a motivation with how Wind Runner wants to join their group. The thing she's been doing.
She only actually gets to join the group after Thunder starts publicly hurling slurs at her for suggesting they need to be ready for Clear Sky to attack them. "What do you know about peace? Last time I was here you were NOTHING BUT A ROGUE WITH A ROGUE'S NAME"
Gray Wing even starts purring when she gives birth, because her ambition goes away briefly and she "stops bossing everyone around." this is treated like a sweet thing. god forbid women retain their personalities when they have kids
She loses her first premature child to a seizure and Gray Wing starts proselytizing his religion to her. "Maybe it's a good thing your weakest child died because Jesus has them now" I want to beat him with a hammer
When her second child gets sick, Clear Sky has a bright idea that involves killing it. I refer to this as his "reverse leper colony" suggestion. He only develops a sense of humanity towards the sick when his brother's pregnant wife is in danger. Wind Runner and her kitten barely seem to clock as people to him.
It's only after her SECOND baby succumbs to a horrible, painful death that she decides the moor cats are assholes, and she goes to start her own group. It's LONG overdue. I was extremely excited to see it.
Now. Listen.
I've been treated just like Moth Flight before. I've practically heard the scolding in Book 6 Chapter 3 verbatim. I'm not downplaying anything about Wind Runner being harsh to her; being yelled at like that never fixed the problem.
What I'm saying is that this is the SAME arc that summons the hollowed-out ghost of Storm to coo that Clear Sky "never drove anyone away" with his abusive behavior and gives Tom the Wifebeater a heroic redemption death.
So why is the scolding from Wind Runner treated as unambiguously harsh? What's the difference between her and them?
Why is it that outside of this little bubble of the community, you can get buried in a flood of people crying about how "Clear Sky made Summisteaks Butt he thought it was the right thing :((( He feels bad about shoving Thunder's face in a weeping, pus-filled wound and trying to kill him :((((" but Wind Runner is mean about Moth Flight not catching a rabbit and she should be skinned alive
Why is WIND RUNNER held responsible for the death of Clear Sky's child in Moth Flight's Vision, WHEN IT WAS COMPLETELY HIS OWN FAULT??
So, why should I hate her? Because she's mean to the idiot protagonists? Because she's Yet Another Bad Mom whose actions ARE treated as Bad in the story, in the arc famous for openly weeping whenever someone's mad at their abusive dad?? When she has this whole horrific, unexamined story about how incredibly bigoted The Settlers are towards her and the extremes she goes to in order to please them?
I'm glad she's mean, actually. She should have been even meaner. I think she should have a gun
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discjude · 4 months
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Yeah this is about right (as always my thoughts are in the tags so there's actually kei content there lmao)
#Hester I adore you they could never make me hate you. Seriously the first chapter in 6 (bad candy) is like my favourite opener#Kei they could NEVER EVER make me hate you. did nothing wrong ever. rhian when I CATCH you#its so funny how my two favourite characters just like. hate each other. like japeth literally kills him#sad cause they're so SIMILAR. theyre both victims of Dog Metaphor its so sad that kei does Not like japeth in the slightest#personally if they had a good long discussion about their emotions at like 3am they could've probably stopped TCY from happening#but alas. Aric. somehow its all his fault again. why do I have an aricposting tag but not a keiposting one.#Hester easily has the best overall characterisation arc I love love love the way soman writes her#I remember when I read 6 for the first time#before japeth insanity happened#I used to anticipate her chapters over like everyone else's. Hester the 1 lesbian in the series you are deeply loved#I could write whole essays about japeth and kei's characterisation it is so sad that soman forgets kei exists#like he's meant to be rhian's eagle. that's his job. that's what he's spent a Long Time anticipating becoming#but rhian refuses to acknowledge it. instead he calls Japeth his eagle in book 4's ending#He eventually falls in love with Sophie#he only ever cares about the crown#how he GETS to the crown#and bringing his mother back. he lies more than japeth#and never once does he get to be the eagle. There's only three spaces - lion/eagle/snake - and he doesn't get to be any of them#dont even get me started on how he dies. surrounded by white swans. being purely good#god rhian II try not to fuck EVERYTHING over challenge. and also Aric. its all arics fault as well#keiposting#japethposting#actually not really jposting. didn't do it that much#sge#tsfgae#school for good and evil#the school for good and evil#sfgae#the school of good and evil#as much as I adore Hester I dont think I will talk about her much in detail ever so no hesterposting yet
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karouvas · 9 months
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As a Kandreil enjoyer and known Kandrew lover, I think it’s weird and embarrassing as hell when Kandreil/Kevin stans who’s least favorite pairing in it is Andreil try to frame them prioritizing each other more and more as the series goes on as somehow insidious or toxic. Like, you can dislike the direction For Sure and wish it was written differently, but be honest that it’s because of Kevin being your favorite (perfectly valid, I also react disproportionately when my favorite character is hurt by something narratively vs when it’s other chars even if I like/love them) and has nothing to do with *problematic messages about romance* (BAH!) or whatever you are trying to frame it as being the concern instead. 
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aroaessidhe · 8 months
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2024 reads / storygraph
Raven Stratagem + Revenant Gun
books 2 & 3 in a military-political sci-fi trilogy
space empire setting where reality & technology relies on an enforced cultural belief and calendar system
the ghost general taken over Cheris’ body and gone rogue, the rest of the hexarcate is trying to assassinate them while they try to change the oppressive systems of the hexarchate
I don’t know how else to explain things in here without spoilers (if I even could explain..)
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bitchkay · 1 year
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I prefer Guys characterization in the princes path rather then his consort route
I feel like all the routes should've progressed slower tbh but with Guy in particular I feel like it would really work with a slow burn romance
Also, unrelated but MC always falls in love with her chosen consort by chapter 10 like girl you've known this man for 2 weeks
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Lonan as fine art in Seventh Virtue x Moth Work x Feeding Habits
get you a man (harrison) who only describes you as elaborate works of art lmao
A range of Lonan descriptions from Harrison’s POV, circa 2019-2023.
In order of appearance: Seventh Virtue, Moth Work, Moth Work, Feeding Habits.
Text transcript under the cut!
Seventh Virtue (2023)
Some of this was taken from an early 2021 exploration for Feeding Habits that never made the cut.
At first, he’d tried to resist it, the way his hands seemed to unconsciously flick out Lonan’s jaw in charcoal, blot his eyes in ultramarine. Lonan was his raven with the Pacific in his eyes, his muscle memory. By the end of it, Harrison’s fingers were stained irreparably with a body, and on Reeve’s seventh day away, he found himself nearly finished the sketchbook, every single page grafted with Lonan’s unsuspecting, two-dimensional face. Harrison tore each one out, threw them into the solitary air of their room and left them all there on the floor.
Moth Work (2020)
The flame tints his jaw gold, glares in his eyes so they look like blue fire. The night halos around Lonan, burnishes the cove walls, turns the sand into a mirage. As Lonan nurses the fire, Harrison traces his face, the violet impasto around his eye. Lonan has always looked like a masterpiece to him, damp black hair that almost looks navy blue, a smile so subtle, it’s almost acquired.
Moth Work (2019)
Lonan turned as he caught him staring and hid under his sheath of hair, and he was Harrison’s David, statuesque, carved in soapstone, polished, ready for a museum.
Feeding Habits (2020)
Final line was written in 2022!
Lonan’s blips of humanness are disturbing for the reason that yes, he’s a better person now, but yes, Harrison is a worse person because of it. So he wishes to be yelled at. To be left unspared. But instead, Lonan sits there, silent. In the snow’s glow, he is sunbeamed, could be holy, some soapstone cherub iconized, a luminist painting. Cael could never be this man before him, this divine being Harrison loves.
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violetclarity · 2 years
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sorry can't talk, too busy reading A Deadly Education and absolutely losing my mind about it
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woolydemon · 2 years
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having mutuals that are into warriorcat books means I see discourse posts like "berrywhisker was MEAN and said a slur and killed bunnytoes and if u like them ur a misogynist" and I'm like "uh-huh yeah uh-huh. Ok. My cat would do that too"
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daydreamerdrew · 2 years
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The Rampaging Hulk (1977) #1
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twinprincessparty · 2 years
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Princess Rein Info from the first and second character detail books!
Translated by the wonderful currytantou on twitter! Thank you very much!
  Loyal to Bright, a girl who dreams; Rein. 
Sunny Kingdom's princess. Always sticks to her twin sister Fine. Like Fine, she dislikes practice which is why they are called "the most un-princess-like princess since the creation of the Wonder Planet". Full of energy and quick to act. 
Since she is also calm so she would take action only after giving it some thought, she always had to stop Fine's reckless act.
She suggested a peaceful solution during the Bo Dragon event and helped link cooperation between Windmill Kingdom and Jewelry Kingdom in a balloon race.
Her judgment brings great results to the people around her.
On the other hand, her eyes are filled with hearts the moment she sees cool people like Bright and Shade. Especially when she starts imagining situations with her beloved Bright, she just stops paying attention to her surroundings and might even go on a rampage. 
While she is interested in adorable and girly things like flowers, she is also fond of scary things.
She held onto her beloved Bright's back while getting on Ruby. Even though she had to look for Fine, it was such a blissful moment for her.
Be careful of charming smiles - pumo! Poomo's Princess Level Check!
Princess Rein's manners are quite commendable and she is also reliable - pumo~ But can't she do something about her being extremely fond of cool boys..? As I thought, she still needs to put more effort - pumo!
Rein's Secrets!
Good at mimicking boys!
She would impersonate Bright's voice with words she wished to hear and then ended up getting embarrassed.
Bad at Sports!
She placed last in the race at the princess party but is good at weird dances.
Puppet came approaching her while saying "Play with me," with a scary expression. 
She understood that they were feeling sad for being thrown away so she gently hugged Puppet.
Calm at scary and suspicious places.
She even loves screaming machines and haunted houses. Full of curiosity, the opposite of Fine the scaredy cat.
Really bad at sports. 
She seems to be getting along well with Mirlo, as both aren't so good with sports such as sprints and bun-eating races.
Proposed cooperation between the two countries as a method of repairing a broken balloon. 
Actually, it was to make Bright and Auler get along.
Detail of Rein
A princess of Sunny Kingdom whose catchphrase is “It’s alright.” 
She is a feminine princess who loves cute things and fashion, but she positively cheered on Altezza who broke down into tears and reprimanded Fine who was going to lose her heart from sadness. She also has a brave spirit, shown when she reached out for Bright who was about to be swallowed by Black Crystal.
She is devoted to Bright, believing that he would surely regain his heart even after he was swallowed by the power of darkness. Just like Fine, she cherishes smiles and possesses a trusting heart. Her heart reached her comrades and that’s how she turned into a perfect Eternal Solar Princess.
Screenshots
To Bright who will do anything to become a king, she said; “Making others suffer to be a king is unlike Bright that I know!”
She felt discouraged seeing that even her parents were trapped in grief, but was concerned about Fine and comforted her. “We must not cry. If we cry, we lose.”
The thought of the existence of a prince coming to rescue came to mind when she was trapped in the lost garden/garden of illusion. The truth is, she wants to rely on someone.
“We will never give up. So everyone, hang in there and don’t give up. Do not give in to the power of darkness.” They cheered on everyone who seemed to be discouraged by Bright’s overwhelming power. Thus, everyone’s hearts were united as one while Fine and Rein became Eternal Solar Princesses.
Princess Grace told them to cherish happiness and to believe in others. The two believed without questioning Candy’s words to hand over the Grace Stone. As a result, it awakened Candy’s conscience.
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I love being insane and rambling/loredumping for over an hour in a voice note about a niche thing in the lore/world of my nonexistent book that will probably never come up and is probably not important to the story at all that I know of because I haven't really started writing it yet besides two chapters and some snippets that were like a few years ago because I cannot be bothered to do research for a different WIP that is not even past the basic stages (the real inciting incident hasn't even happened) bc it's not a current priority before finishing the first draft that I have been working on for the last four years or the first draft of the other WIP I've been working on since the year two thousand and sixteen.
#just writer things#truly hate my brain sometimes like why am I getting trivia for a book I have barely written like 2#20K* words for like I haven't even opened the doc for it in like 8 months and I haven't actually added anything for over 2 years now so.#I don't even have any particular plans to get to it until I at least finish the 2 WIPs I'm working on rn—#which includes one I've been writing the first draft for since 2018 and a basically done first draft of a WIP from like 2016#both are missing the 3rd act bc I suck at writing cliamxes + my writing style for either books isn't suited for that so it'll take a while#like the 2016 one is at 120K words and literally only needs 1 more chapter and an epilogue so maybe like 20K more words.#there's supposed to be a big climactic battle which intersects the stories of approximately 25 named characters until the actual climax#which is another battle but more small scale but also more epic bc it's personal and magical#and I've literally already written the second battle but the buildup to the first fight is hard and so is the actual battle#then there's the WIP that's haunted me for the last 4ish years which is at 160K of an expected 200-220K and is entirely missing the 3rd act#like I have some stuff written and I did plan a structure for a bunch of the main plot stuff bc the book takes place over a strict timeline#but like the actual climax is mostly missing like I have the ending written. the ending is fully done.#I've had it written and planned for a WHILE bc it's supposed to lead into a future story and it has to happen this way#but idk how to get there just yet with a cast of almost 50 named characters to keep track of and 6 'main' plots although it's really 3#like it's a lot to balance bc I prefer writing with larger casts and just getting things done is so hard#bc I physically can't do 'write later' to stuff bc those are some of the most important interactions to me and idk how characters act if—#I don't have those written precisely. it's sort of a story about the effects of the mundane. I literally can't 'write details later' this.#and in the middle of this nightmare — a 4 month writing drought — my brain in like 'here's a bunch of shit about a third story'#god sometimes I simply hate my brain#anyway yeah lol#truly just writer things#owad#anyway guess this is me sort of pivoting back to vomiting about writing on this blog#writbelr#writblr#james rambles#James yells in the tags
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ramonathinks · 2 months
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matters of the heart — Nanami K.
summary: finding out your ex-boyfriend wrote a novel detailing your relationship isn’t how you expected this week to go and to make matters worse everyone on the internet now thinks your “character” is a total bitch. you decide to pay your ex a visit, but can you do that without succumbing to your natural urges? well, no!
tags: 18+(MDNI/blank blogs) slight porn with plot, oral (f! receiving), brief nipple sucking, daddy kink, creampie, i guess nanami is a bit toxic in this lol, nanami might also be a bit ooc in here
to the moaners: has this been sitting in the draft for about 3-4 months? yes! but happy birthday month, kento 😚. artwork by @/_3aem (twt); @ryomens-vixen (this was the fic I mentioned a while back) word count: 5.6k (yuck), I don't really like this
I’m going to kill him, that was the only thing on your mind once you closed out of the novel. Normally, your weekends were spent relaxing with a fruity bubble-gum colored cocktail but today was different. Shoko called your phone at exactly 9:26 am claiming it was time she divulged some news to you. At exactly 9: 28am, she sent you an online copy of a book titled, “Matters of the Heart” and told you it was nothing but a two or three hour read and then to call once you finished. 
The book had a slow start and it seemed pretty average, just any old love story. Lately, anything was getting published and it seemed that was the case here — wait, you paused your reading and sat up straight. No. Just no. Something just clicked for you which led you to completely start over from page one. 
The moment you finished, at exactly 1:01 pm, you grabbed a salmon colored low cut shirt and light washed jeans, slipped on your white shoes and hurried to get into your car. You didn’t need to call her phone because you were going to talk to her face to face; this situation warranted a real conversation. It was nothing but a 17 minute drive to Shoko’s house, so when you arrived at exactly 1:18 pm, her door was already open. “They’re bashing me, Shoko. Fucking bashing! How could he do this to me?” Were the first words that flew out of your mouth, holding your phone close to her face so that she could see the reviews. 
“Well, it’s not like anyone would know it’s you.” She yawned, handing you a cup of water – probably because of how crazy you looked – before she ushered you to a seat on the couch. A golden brown blanket was lazily thrown on the seat, which she hurried to move. You sat down and faced her with a look of what Shoko could only describe as pure sadness. She had seen you like this many times before, all because of one person. 
“You did.” You sniffled with an eye roll, you couldn’t help but feel uncertain. Reading this book only brought back more uncomfortable feelings towards the breakup and him. You thought that you were over him and the memories that the book produced made you question everything. One question remained which is: Why?
She giggled drily. “Hey, I read all his works. Pseudonym or not. He can’t hide from me. Plus, I know you both and everything that went on. I was there too, remember?” She mumbled the last part. “Maybe this was his way of coping?”
“It’s been years… and I heard he’s announced a sequel. Shoko, a SEQUEL! It’ll be released later this year.” You spoke in a shaking watery voice while she rubbed your back in an attempt of comfort. Your mind could only think of what the reactions would be to your character in the sequel… insecurities that you never knew were there flooded your mind.
“There was enough material for a sequel? I thought he covered everything…” Shoko rubbed her chin and looked deep in thought. You just stared at her, she couldn’t be serious. “Sorry, ignore me.” She shook her head ignoring your stare.
“Do I even confront him over this? A-and how would that make me look, like I still check on him right? I’ll look crazy and bitter… which apparently I am. Oh and I’m bitchy and a ‘total cunt’ as they’re putting online.” He didn’t know just how much you changed, he missed your growth. Rubbing your eyes, you ask:“Why did you tell me about this? What made you take so long… I just don’t understand.”
“Well, at first… I didn’t think you’d care.” Moving a strand of her nut-brown hair out of her face, she continued. “Then about a month ago, I decided it was right to tell you, just in case someone else pieced it together.”
“Gojo read it then, huh?” You mentally cringed at the thought. It was the only person you could think of who’d be so crude about it. He knew how damaging the breakup was for you but not as bad as Shoko knows. Now, you’re just grateful that she told you before he did.
“Yep, so I figured that I had to tell you before he did.” She clicked her tongue. “But let’s just calm down before you make any rash decisions on how to handle this.” 
“He wrote a fucking duality series about me, our relationship, our sex life and you want me to calm down? Are you listening to yourself? This is a serious matter. I am being called a bitch, a slut and more on Goodreads and multiple websites, reviews, etc. and he didn’t even have the audacity to give me a heads up. You had to call me.” You let out an unladylike snort.“Why couldn’t he stick to his mystery novels? Wasn’t he doing good at those?”
“Writer's block.” Shoko said in a singsong-like voice. “He hadn’t written a mystery book since you two broke up and then… he alerted his supporters he wanted to switch things up and then… that was that. Ladies loved it, a big hit. By the way, if you two were really fucking like that I need to se—”
“Shoko, now is not the time!” Your face felt hot all over, your mind racing. “I just can’t believe this.” You wrapped your arms around your body and squeezed, giving yourself one big squeeze. It was hard not to cry but you could feel it all in your throat. 
“I’m sorry. If it makes you feel any better, I don’t think his intentions were to make you feel bad.” She hugged you to her chest, pressing a small kiss to the crown of your head. “I think he still loves you. I mean, isn’t this book proof? After all these years, he wrote about you.” 
“I’m sure he moved on by now.” You whispered, your eyes growing tired already and the day had barely started. “I just need to lay down. I need to rest.” Your mind seemed to finally grow calm and your breathing steady, a small hiccup now in your throat but with a gulp of water, you were better.
“Just stay here. I don’t trust you to be alone right now.” Shoko’s voice drowned out as sleep overtook you, you could only feel her warmth as she held you and honestly it was all you needed at this moment, Shoko always made you feel safe and you couldn’t thank her more than enough for that right now as you slept.
You were a light sleeper, it was always something that Nanami pointed out about you. He always said how he felt like he couldn’t leave the room while you slept even if it was to use the bathroom afraid to wake you. He knew how important sleep was to you and he’d risk having a bladder infection if you got all 8 hours that you required. Nanami was sweet and caring like that. 
You didn’t think you’d break up with him ever. He was the one for you and he always made that clear. He pampered you and even after the breakup – though you didn’t need it – he left you with a check for five thousand dollars, saying it was for his half of the lease for the next few months. 
The breakup was brutal for you. You almost quit working entirely. Shoko was the only person you’d confined into and the only friend you left to check in on you especially when you didn’t want to leave the house. She brought you groceries and helped you shower until you finally were able to get up again.
Though it was hard to believe, it was Nanami who broke up with you. You thought it was a joke, a cliche little joke. 
“Baby, I’m not joking.” His voice was quiet and husky, he spoke as if he was going to cry. “I just need some time to myself. I need to figure out if this is what I want. You don’t have to wait for me, you just keep on living your life and being happy. But… I think it’s time we let this go.” 
You didn’t cry in front of him. You didn’t cry when he packed his things up. You certainly didn’t cry when he shut the door, leaving his key on the table because you knew he was joking. He had to be. But when you called him and his number was disconnected and you were blocked on any form of social media… that was when you broke down and cried. 
It happened out of nowhere. You overanalyzed every aspect of your relationship for where you went wrong. You wrote down every conversation you could remember and dissected it word by word. You watched every video and picture you had of the two of you looking for a bit of regret or anything on his face. You read every text message, looking for malice. He said he needed time to figure out if he wanted this but he always made it clear that he did and even that he was looking forward to having kids together, you two had even gone ring shopping months ago. 
You didn’t sleep and when you did, it was only for 4 hours and sometimes barely that. Your heart had an ache in it and the tears wouldn’t stop. You could only think why wasn’t I enough?
When you opened your eyes Shoko was still holding you and a small smile grew on your lips. “Thank you Shoko.” You knew if you could count on anyone, it was always going to be her. She was the one who pieced you back together and made sure that life didn’t destroy you and you couldn’t help but to be grateful. 
“Of course. ‘M going to let you spend the night here, okay? Let’s get some takeout and watch your favorite movies, how’s that sound?” She knew the way to your aching heart like the back of her hand. 
“It sounds amazing!” You stretched your arms out wide, leaning off of her and sitting up. “Should we start with Uptown Girls or Legally Blonde?” 
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It took two days before you confronted him. Shoko was adamant about not giving you his address and you were tempted to get it from her phone. But luckily, you wore her down, she was probably tired of you bringing him or his book in every conversation. So now you stood there, nerves washing over you in waves.
The mahogany colored door stared at you – mocked you – and you returned the glare before you knocked on it, hard. This was just a door and you were angry at the person behind said door, not the door itself. 
It was almost like he was waiting on you because the door unlocked and opened. He even stepped aside to let you in, quiet. His straw-colored hair was parted differently and he even looked taller or broader – you couldn’t completely tell – but he looked different… seemed different. The atmosphere around him made your stomach clench and it made you mad; why did it feel like only you suffered from the breakup? Here he was – strong and tall – and you were nothing or rather the same.
“You wrote a romance erotica novel about our relationship?” It was what you practiced saying before you got out of your car – making sure your voice didn’t tremble – this time, it didn’t. 
“Well, hello to you too. Even after three and a half years, you still like to get straight to the point.” He grinned, putting a hand on your back to guide you to a seat on his couch. “I must ask, what makes you think it’s about you?” He does a slight laugh and raises his brow.
“We have the same initials, almost the same name. Are you kidding me?” You retort, folding your arms across your chest. You tried to ignore the fuzzy feeling in your chest that occurred when you heard his voice after so long, hearing him and seeing that damned smile… your nose scrunched up.
“Sorry, I just didn’t know you kept up with me… with my books…” He muttered, glancing your way, a demure look in his amber eyes. “Should I be flattered?” Almost in an instant, he turned on a slight cockiness to himself, though his body language showed his nervousness – his thigh bouncing a bit and his fingers tapping on the couch handle. A light sense of relief filled your system knowing that you weren’t the only one being affected by this.
“I don’t.” You inhaled deeply. “Shoko told me about it and then, I checked it out.” Fiddling with your fingers and even picking at your nails, that was your tell all sign of nervousness and right now you were engaging in it more than ever before. 
“I wanted to tell you or rather, to ask you. I know you got the voicemails I sent last year…and then you kept dodging my calls.” He tells you, you could feel his eyes on you – or more so your fingers… the nasty habit that he had finally got you to stop all those years ago rushing right back in an instant.
“Writing a book to trash me and our relationship… to make you look like some sort of… ugh, like you’re so amazing and I’m just shit. Yeah, that certainly got my attention.” If you were coming off bitchy or rude right there, you couldn’t care less especially when there were worse things that you could’ve said or even could’ve done at this moment. You really wanted to slap him. 
“Is that all you got out of it?” He asks with his head low, almost as if he was admitting defeat or as if he couldn’t believe you came up with something so trivial. 
“Was there anything else to get?” You counter, shifting your body towards him. Maybe it was best that you sat down and actually listened to the author and his interpretations of his work.
“How about that I love you regardless of any flaws… how about I find your stubbornness and attitude sexy and how I knew this breakup would be good for you. I was holding you back. I mean, I heard you got promoted 3 times since we broke up… I just felt like I was changing you, hindering your growth. I needed to reflect on myself and this book helped that.” He tapped his fingers against his thigh, yet another sign of his anxiousness. “Believe it or not, I still care about you. No matter what happened between us.”
“What happened? You mean when you decided to just leave? You could've told me everything you just told me and I would’ve understood better. We could’ve talked and came to a compromise. You don’t understand what you put me through after it.” You were close to tears but you straighten your posture and sniffled, it was best not to think about what happened before. “I just needed a bit of closure too, I guess that’s why I came. I just was caught off guard. You could’ve knocked on my door or something, forced me to answer… forced me to talk.”
He met your eye for the first time since you came over. “You wouldn’t have listened,” He huffs. “Didn’t I mention how stubborn you are? Plus, I meant what I said. I needed time to myself and I think we both did.”
“I guess…But Nanami, this book was too much. A letter would’ve been fine if you needed closure, don’t you think?” You see his lips quirk up a bit before he licks them, trying not to laugh it seems.
“My publisher got a hold of some of the documents where I was just going over things, writing here and there. She loved the idea… plus I’m in a contract for six books so I had to put something out soon, it had already been a year.” He told you, sitting his chin on top of his knuckles. “I honestly didn't mean to hurt you. I was writing for fun… reminiscing about us and then later down the line, I realized I was writing because I wanted you to read it, I just didn’t exactly know how to get you to since you were very adamant on avoiding me, which is understandable. But regardless, I didn’t think it’d get on the bestseller list or for the reviews to get so harsh.” He admits, reaching for your hand before his hand froze in midair and he stopped himself, choosing instead to put it behind his head.
“Is there anyway you can stop the sequel from being published then… since you got my attention after all this time?” You asked, putting your most dazzling smile on, hoping to sway him. 
“I can talk to my publisher. Everything’s in print and materials are already done… but I’ll try to see if I can stop production.” His adam’s apple bobbles when he does a harsh swallow. “Are we… okay? Do you forgive me?”
The question made you pause. He always made it hard for you to not forgive him; it took one look or a smile and a small explanation and it made it easy to fall in love with him all over again, no matter what he did… it seems. But it made you ask yourself: Were you too easy? Did you really forgive him? It was thoughts like that swirling around the corners of your mind. You wanted to forgive him, he was just writing and telling a story… but it was your story, not just his. Using this for your attention when he could’ve written about anything else, he didn’t have to. Were you just ready to forgive him because you still loved him? 
You hadn’t realized how deep in thought you were until you felt the couch dip and even then, your mind was still spirling.“You don’t have to…” His voice brings you out of your thoughts, his body so close to yours that it was getting hard to breathe. He still smelled the same; citrus and woodsy and it was easy to get yourself sucked back in. 
“So you can write another book about my stubbornness?” You give a quiet giggle, scooting a bit away from him, seeing him frown from the corner of your eyes. You didn’t want to fall back but he made it all so simple. It was easy and you were already falling back on him and you didn’t need that… Did you?
“Baby…” Your body buzzed and hummed, turning to him with wide eyes. “I’ll do anything I can to make this right. Anything for you to forgive me��� If they can’t stop publication, what can I do to make us right?” He was doing more than a gaze, he was full on staring and from how close he was it was hard to avoid. 
“Nanami I–” You stopped yourself. You couldn’t really think of anything he could do but you could think of several unhealthy things you could do to ruin your progress on going over him. He had betrayed you and made you a laughing stock so why are you stuck thinking about forgiveness when you should be leaving.
“I never stopped loving you.” His fingers traced up and down your pants but his eyes stayed on yours. “I never thought about anyone but you… I never slept with anyone… it’s always been you. But, I understand what I put you through and I’ll apologize every second until you forgive me…” The blond man who you never saw shed a tear looked more than close to it. “But just please… forgive me.”
“I’m sorry, honest.” He tries again after being met with absolute silence. “Just… let me show you, okay?” His breath tickles your face for a second and when you look into his cocoa brown eyes, you feel everything you once felt again.
Memories of good times dulls out the odd feelings in the pit of your stomach – the confusion and pain – instead are replaced with joy. The trip to Malaysia where he rubbed sunscreen on your entire body and laid back to read a book and you watched as his eyes kept drifting to you while you played in the cerulean water; how you kept begging him to come in until he complied and how eventually in the early hours of the morning when you wanted another dip, he fucked you twice — once in the golden lush sand and another in the cool ocean water. 
His face is in your thighs and you couldn’t help but feel better, feeling his breath fanning so close to your pants covered pussy, your body felt scorching hot. He’s grumbling, “Will you let me make it up to you? Will you let me show you how sorry I am?” 
You must’ve nodded because he was already unbuttoning your pants and helping you lay back, pulling your shirt up just a bit to see your perky tits – he must’ve remembered how you never wore bras unless you felt it was necessary, which was mainly work or any important events. 
He blew a bit on your hardening nipples before he took one into his mouth – playing biting them with a smug look on his face before he began licking around your areolas and kissing around the swells of your breast. He doesn’t say anything but he looks deep in thought as he kisses down your body, his fingers scraping down your sides as he works your pants and your panties all the way down. Bringing his head up for a minute, he looks in your face. “I love you.” He says it simply, heavy emotions swirling in his brown eyes.
Removing your pants and underwear completely from your body, he spreads your thighs and looks over your body – a trimmed low pretty bush sits between your thighs and it makes him smile, he always loved seeing the curled hair on your delicate lower lips. He spreads your pussy, watching the skin stretch with a deep smile on his face. You could feel yourself … the wetness leaking down under your body and it made you cringe, but the way he was staring at you made the insecurities vanish. “All this for me?” He takes a tentative lick before he slurps, clutching your hips. “I know you like to run… but I need you to stay put, got it?” It was hard for you to listen to him, your head already fuzzy and the thoughts swirling around were only about him, nothing more. 
Then your body bucks up, “Wait–!” A broken moan escapes your mouth when he presses a soft wet kiss to your clit. Nanami had always been gentle and very careful whenever he ate you out; making sure his tongue was wet enough and that he wasn’t too rough. His tongue was wide enough to make your back arch, your body leaving the couch when it finally hit your clit and he gave you no time to recover before he peeled back the hood, sitting the tip of his tongue there and rapidly flicked at the bud. 
Hearing the lewd squelching noises coming from the mixture of your cunt and his mouth made you close your eyes, squeezing them shut tightly. He spits before he licks it up and down your aching slit, nudging his tongue inside only slightly, much to your dismay. You’re gasping every second when more of his tongue slips in and out of your pussy; sliding a bit more each time and it makes your thighs shake. When he finally slips his entire tongue inside of you, curling it just enough that you can feel it everywhere, your legs attempt to close up around his head. “Please– ‘m so… soo–oh…” His fingers join in on the fun and in small sloppy circles he rubs your clit, pressing down on the pearl while his tongue continues flicking inside of you. The split second that you open your eyes, his are already on yours and it was that moment, that made your body tense up and for you to cum. 
It happens fast, clear sticky wetness leaks out of you and Nanami still tries to get more of it on his tongue, catching anything that drips and sucking on your folds. “Always so fucking good…” He mutters, spreading you again and smearing more of your slick on his face by shaking his head between your thighs, so that he’s completely covered in you. 
When he moves his head, embarrassment comes over you, looking at his wet face… even his forehead was wet and you couldn’t bring yourself to meet his eyes. “Nothing to be embarrassed about, baby but… I’ll be right back, stay wet for me.”
Your heart hammers against your chest, lying there on this now wet couch. You didn’t come over here for this and yet here you are… about to get fucked and really, it was no turning back now. You’d been on dates with men after Nanami but they never lasted past the second date and you certainly hadn’t had sex in a while, but he made you come apart like it was nothing.  
But then again, Nanami knew your body… so of course this was a walk in the park for him. It honestly annoyed you right now, you couldn’t even make yourself cum half the time especially these last few years and now, barely an hour here and he has you right where he wanted you… bare and practically back in love with him.
Nanami came back with a fresh face and unbuttoned pants that he was currently pulling down. You clenched around nothing, your mind thinking only of the perfect dick that was going to be coming out of those pants. You licked your lips, this would be the first dick you saw in years and it was his. 
His drooling cock slapped his stomach and you swallowed, your mouth felt unreasonably dry. The length of his cock always impressed you, standing tall at seven and a half inches, he shakes with laughter which snaps you out of your daze. “Now let me look at you.” His whispers and even though he already saw you, both years ago and right now, you can’t help but feel hot all over again. He’s staring – drawing his eyes down every inch of your body –  focusing on your breast before getting to the stare of the show yet again. He smirks, laying you back down, pressing his body against yours to kiss you. 
Your breath was caught in your throat, his tongue still tasted of you and his hands cups your jaw. He’s gentle, his tongue moving around your mouth messily before he stops, saliva breaking apart when he does so. His fingers make a ghostly featherlight touch on your clit that makes you jump, the head of his cock at your entrance. He holds out his hand, close to your mouth. “Spit.” Gathering up some, you spit in the palm of his hand and stroke it along his length, huffing at the sensation. 
He pushes in, taking his time to work himself inside of you, a strained expression on his face. Hips pulled back, he focuses more on just the tip of himself fucking you, watching your pussy stretch with just the tiniest bit of resistance. Inching himself inside, you watch his torso flex and he groans, obscene noises plop and plap around the apartment, his heavy cock pushing in and out of you, your toes curling. 
“Pussy still mines, right? Didn’t give it away, did you?” You’re struggling to talk - to fucking breathe - your eyes rolling back and your jaw slacked but you babble out a soft ‘no’ which makes him finally thrust in you harder, completely bottoming out. You feel him in your belly, feeling full and embarrassingly wide with him stretching you out, his balls sitting on the crest of your ass before he moves. 
He moves you a bit, your bodies flush to each other and he moves his hips in harsh circles, his pelvis so close to your clit. His hands on your calves, he pushes your legs so that they rest on his shoulders, your knees touching your ears makes you tighten up and he groans above you.
“Nanami I-” You call out, eyes closed with pleasure shaking through your core, wetness slapping between the both of you. 
“Nanami? No, call me what you used to call me.” His hips slowed down, a whine escaping your lips. His cock dragging inside of your walls, pulling out slowly, awaiting your response. 
“Please…don’t slow down, Ken—” before the word even left your lips, his hand slapped your cunt, leaving your legs shaking a bit and your eyes snapping open. Drops of tears run down your cheeks and you sniffle, reaching for him… you couldn’t help but feel so small in his presence.
“Say it.” Then, you knew what he meant. A name that now feels foreign in your brain and even when it leaves your mouth, it comes out in a strange rattled whimper.
“Oh, oh… daddy, ‘m sorry. Please, keep fucking me. It’s so goooood!” He’s grinning before the words leave your mouth.
“Still my good girl huh? Always so fucking good for daddy.” He licks up your neck and it makes you tremble, your tongue lolling out a bit and he moves to suckle on it. “Did you skip over all those sex scenes or did you rub this pussy out to them?” He asks, his fingers digging in the back of your thighs. 
You choked out, sobbing, “I did, daddy… But I-I don’t want to remember everything.” 
“You don’t remember all the words I used to describe this cunt? This pretty pussy? That changed his life… my life? That made him always crawl back? That made him so fucking hard? The pretty words I used to describe you? To describe how pretty she always looked when he fucked her? How his heart felt like it was going to explode when she looked at him too long because he loved her so damn much?” He’s groaning in your ear, thrusting into you, his depth reaching your g-spot, your pussy spasming and begging for his cum at every word he uttered. 
Pumping himself inside, you could see the white creaminess that was on his cock, most likely because of you, he was constantly fucking the cream inside of you, your nails digged into his arms and he moaned at the feeling. Your stomach tightens and you move to push him away, “I’m going to c–cum!” You felt him throbbing inside of you, signaling that he was close too. “Please, cum inside of me… I can’t take it.” You couldn’t stand it any longer, it’s been years and you needed him to fill you up. He stopped for a moment, changing positions so that you’ll be sitting on his lap, grabbing your hips and forcibly bouncing you on his dick, dangerously slow. 
Wetness gushes on him as his tip hits you from a new angle, seeing the outline of him in your tummy, he’s stretching you again with each nasty thrust. Each drag of his cock making you go crazy and the aching between your legs continue, your body shaking and both of you moaning loudly and over each other. 
Finally, your orgasm rattled and shook your entire body, your pussy sucking him in, milking him for all he’s worth and it makes his body shake and he releases inside of you, trying to stay quiet as his body jerks up, unable to stop himself from fucking you through both of your orgasms.
It’s quiet for a while, just heavy breathing with you laying on his chest. “I love you too…” Your voice is scratchy and your face tear stained. He doesn’t say anything, his cock still pulsing inside of you.
“I know. I love you too, never stopped.” 
“Did you at least read the acknowledgements or did you just dive right in?”
“I never read the acknowledgements for books, thought you would’ve remembered that.” You watch him get up, walking around the living room, looking for something. You were both still naked and the entire room smelled of sex. 
“I did remember that and when you barged in my door, I already knew that you still hadn’t changed when it came to that. Here, read this part right here.” He brings you over a copy and you run your fingers around the softback cover with a small smile on your face; this silly thing had brought you both back together and right now you could give less than a fuck about those reviews. 
Feeling the spine of the book, you open it and can practically smell the scent of an unopened new book. Turning the first few pages, you go to the one page acknowledgment and read it aloud: “She might not read this book. But if she does, by chance. I hope she knows that I still love her.” You wiped your eyes and smiled. “You’re an asshole, you know?”
He lets out a hearty laugh, “I know baby.” Kissing the top of your head, he gets up and grabs his phone from the kitchen counter and you follow him. “I think I have enough material to write a third book now.” He grabs his phone and starts typing, his eyebrows furrowed as if he was deep in thought. Attempting to grab his phone he chuckles and uses his height to his advantage by standing taller.
Standing on the tips of your toes you snort, “Don’t even joke about that!” But a smile takes over your face and he can’t help but smile too. 
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urfriendlywriter · 1 year
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How to write angst ?
@urfriendlywriter | req by @everynowandthenihaveacrisis @aidyaiden :)
know your character. from their deepest fears to what they cherish the most. know your deepest fear, ask yourself how you will react and feel at that moment. "oh shit, if this happened to me I'll lose my mind" what's that type of scenario for you? write it. :)
decide on the type of angst you are going for!
major, minor, physical, emotional, paranormal, spiritual, verbal, abusive, quarrel, misunderstanding, etc.
and then, decide on--what reaction you can take out of your character by doing what to them.
are they gonna be, held at a gunpoint to give something up? or have their soul wrecked by whom they thought were close to them? or is it going be horror, or etctec, decide on it.
moving on to actually writing it-
Tip 1 - Use sensory details.
her eyes brimmed with tears
his chest heaved
pain clawed at his heart, as his face twisted with hurt
his scream pierced my heart
her lips quivered
she dug her nails into her palms (to distract herself, to stop it from shaking, etc)
show what is happening to ur MC, instead of telling it.
Tip 2 - how to actually write it.
If they're panicking, make them notice too many things at once, show every detail that they're seeing, feeling, from touch, to that burning sensation on their eyes, the blood on the ground, that dryness of their throat, the buzzing in their head and their parted lips unable to trust their own sight, and--and, boom! have them register that they're really really in trouble. and that they've to act fast.
use short, very minimal type of writing for this. make it long, but not long enough that it feels like it's being dragged.
the readers should hold themselves back from skimming the page out of curiousity, they should be in their toes to find out what happens next.
what does your MC do in times of panic? do they chant calm down to themselves, do they get angry, or start crying.. or?? what makes your character genuinely feel an emotion so hard that they'll burst?
there's always something, someone that'll always give them love and easily can be that something or someone to take it away. yk.
Tip 3 - crying.
what is close to your character that u can deprive them of? will it make them cry? beg for it?
what will make ur character cry so hard, that their scream fills everyone's ear, stays in their minds like ghosts and always haunts them?
make a character who never cries, burst out with tears.
while writing crying, focus on the 5 senses, one after the other.
focus it on their breath, make them run out of breath, gasp for air, feel like they're being choked, cry so scrutinizingly. it shud punch the reader's gut.
have them replay what had just happened over and over again in their head
best books and writing styles (for angst) to analyse and learn from (in my opinion);
3rd book in the AGGTM series (yk it hit hard like a truck. it got me depressed in bed the entire time lmao)
Five Survive by Holly Jackson. The moments of red outside of the truck, and moments leading to it.
there's this book called " Warm by @untalentedwriter127 " in wattpad. the author served angst for breakfast, lunch anddd dinner.
and if there's more angsty ones, drop em in the comments! :)
Hope this helps, tag me when yall write a masterpiece! ;)
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elvesofnoldor · 1 year
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#mae overshares#honestly i don't ever post anything on here anymore but ever since i watched AMC's IWTV i have been changed^tm#decades after decades of not giving one shit about vampire media and fiction and next thing i know#im making my way through queen of the damned and planned on reading all of Vampire chronicles#and it's unlocking something in me that's always been there and im going a little insane <3#never could figure out what is it about the fucked up elves from tolkien that got me so interested#until i realized that i actually just like beautiful tortured immortals who struggled with violence and are plagued with guilt#also i contracted lestat brainrot so please keep me in your prayers <3 i will never get better though <3#he's my rotten soldier. my sweet cheese. my good time boy. and the little sister i never wanted#listen you could never Get this character unless you are a messy bitch yourself or know a messy bitch like him#and let's say i have a friend <3#im pretty sure i used to own a copy of the vampire lestat back in high school and i literally never got around reading it#tbh i dont know if i could critically engage with anne rice's texts at the sweet and tender age of 15 though#also to be fair all i knew of Anne Rice back then was that she wouldn't allow fanfiction of her books#only reason i remembered this was that i knew 1. i bought an Anne Rice book 2. it started with annoyingly detailed description of some Guy#l also bought new moon aka second book of twilight trilogy before i knew it was a series#i thought it was some alluring sophisticated gothic horror. that had been a completely waste of money#for real though. i watched blade when i was a child and i came up with a half-elf hero for a original story -_-#i was very resilient to the vampire allure....but now i guess im finally ready to put my faery dream to rest#like little girls putting dolls into shipping boxes to be sealed up forever#part of me sort of wish i never read IWTV book after watching AMC's adptation though#i watched that show knowing fuck-all about IWTV and i enjoyed it a GREAT DEAL. zero complaints whatsoever#but now that i read 2.5 books of vampire chronicles. the show started to annoy me more and more smh#show!louis is significantly more sympathetic and genuinely tragic. but that wasn't book!louis#and by making louis. frankly a more likeable character. it defeats the purpose of the story of IWTV <3#like it basically became a story that looks like IWTV on the surface but is actually a whole new story and should be enjoyed as such#anyways VC will probably be the only vampire media i fuck with in the foreseeable future#might change my blog url to a general horror fiction related thing. haven't think of anything yet though#definitely gonna be more and more of a horror/dark fantasy blog. which is barely a change from what i always posted on here lol
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fingertipsmp3 · 1 year
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Reading an actual published book that is really, confidently bad gives me more confidence in my writing than just about anything actually
#before you ask; no i will not be saying the title or the author’s name#because 1) i did get this book for free (stuff your kindle day back in june) and 2) as the past sentence would imply; it is an indie author#so i don’t want to put this person on blast#HOWEVER. it still doesn’t make sense to me that this book was so bad#like i know it didn’t go through as many rounds of edits as a traditionally published book would have; and i know this author probably#doesn’t have the resources to seek professional editing. but STILL. even if it’s just you and a screen…… you’re telling me you can’t edit#better than that?? you can’t WRITE better than that????? i don’t know what to say#it read like a bad first draft. it read like something i would write drunk or sleep deprived or ill or a combination of the three#and come back to a month later and question whether i’m actually literate#the thing that really stood out to me was the run on sentences. plus the misuse of punctuation#they were using full stops where a comma should be… there were insubordinate clauses that just got abandoned#but then the next line would be a massive run on sentence and i’d be like….. my friend; when am i supposed to breathe?#if you’re not sure if it flows; read it out loud. if you’re running out of breath or tripping over your words It Does Not Flow#it just felt very very stilted; the grammar was bad; it was confusing; i kept getting the characters mixed up because they were both male#and names weren’t used often enough so i was like ‘wait… which one is this again?’#at least they didn’t go in for the epithets like ‘the blonde man’ ‘the demon’#that being said……. i can’t picture either of these characters because there was no description. they full on had sex and i couldn’t tell you#why they were attracted to each other or anything. like. i have read some real trash romance in my time and i am not ashamed to admit it#but i have Never; not in well over a decade of reading smut; had to question why two people were attracted to each other#even if i don’t agree with the reasoning. even if the attraction isn’t exactly coming off the page. i have some details#other than ‘he’s beautiful’. but HOW is he beautiful???? you never EXPLAINED#it was also probably the least passionate sex scene i’ve ever read. and that is impressive#it did bolster my confidence in my own writing lol so i have to thank it for that#i hope this author buys a grammar book and keeps at it. they had good concepts.. the execution was just so bad#and a lot of it could’ve honestly been fixed by fixing the sentence structure & invoking the five senses to set a vibe#personal
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