#Ch: Dina

[l0lita-luv]

꩜⋆.°⭑Welcome to my record shop!!

(srry that the blog looks sad)

Hello, my name is Aqua I’m 19 a little bit about me is that I’m Mexican, bi (prefer woman) and I have curly hair!!

I’m new to writing so please be patient with me ᡣ𐭩 Request are open and gladly appreciated! (all pics for every post r from Pinterest so creds to the owners!) Albums!(masterlist) Rules! Daily click!

This blog stands with Palestine

Divider Creds- @dollywons(her bakery is so cool!)

Upcoming “Songs”!!

Caitlyn fic + sweet sex

What artists do we have?

Celebrities (more to come)

Billie Eilish

Young Miko

Tlou

Ellie Williams

Abby Anderson

Arcane

Vi

Caitlyn

Jinx

Sevika

Ekko

Life is Strange

Chloe Price

Woman’s basketball

Paige Beuckers

Emily Engstler

Kate Martin

[rhyrhy]

Denial is a team sport!

Tryouts series | A.A

[content warnings:] bullying, sexual tension, talks of virginity, language, physical violence, heartbreak. R! Hates the world! Enemies to lovers. Slightly unserious.

wc: 4.4k

notes: sooo I made some edits to the prologue after I wrote the first chapter, so I do highly recommend you at least go back n skim read it!

series masterlist | previous ch

Abby swore she had a plan.

Let the liquid courage run through her veins and finally make a move on the girl she had been eyeing since move-in day. Especially now that the same girl was finally single. To be completely honest, she wasn’t sure what you seen in her teammate in the first place.

She didn’t realize her own mouth would be her worst enemy—until it was too late. The usual suave that made girls swoon? It almost earned her a slap to the face.

And as much as she hated hearing her roommate say it, she really felt like such an idiot. Now, she had a bigger problem than just her failed first impression.

The art of making a scene was a skill you and Abby Anderson had mastered. Worse, you mastered it together.

And now, in the reflection of the ticking, large brown and cream clock behind you, there you both sat—side by side in the dean’s office.

The room was quiet, a hum of an old fan and the scratch of a pen dragging across paper. Blue ink detailing your most recent development just an hour prior.

The dean exhaled sharply, finally looking up.

Your arms were crossed, one leg over the other, while Abby sat comfortably still—just as over it. Matching busted lips like accessories.

“You two just can’t seem to stay out of trouble, can you?”

Abby exhaled a small laugh—until you shot her a glare. Before either of you could defend yourselves, the morning came rushing back.

Denial is one hell of a drug.

And right now, you were all drowning in it.

Abby was trying—and failing—to shake off her drunken slip-up. She shot up in bed, eyes snapping to the clock. Fuck. She was already late.

Dina was desperately trying to keep you away from the video currently making its rounds on social media.

And you? You were pretending none of it bothered you.

It’s fine. Everything is fine.

You were fine last night. And you were totally fine now as you set your duffel bag down on the bench.

The girls were quiet. But you knew they wanted to ask, to poke and prod. Everyone had seen it. Joked about it. Like it was some kind of championship replay.

It shouldn’t even be a big deal. People bicker all the time. What even was said? Then you heard it again.

“At least I didn’t let one bad breakup ruin my life.”

You whip your head around. Two teammates are hunched over a phone, the sound of your own voice mixed with Abby’s echoing from it. Oh right. The conversation was less than friendly.

“Hey! Turn that off and get to warm-ups,” Dina snaps, her captain voice demanding.

They scramble off, the video disappearing with a click, but it’s too late—you’ve already heard it. Again. Just another reminder of how right she was. You’ve been a mess, internally and on the field.

“Hey.” Dina’s voice is softer now, a hand resting lightly on your back.

“Hi.” You reply, setting out your water bottle and uniform bow, rolling your shoulders like you can physically shake off the drama.

There’s no usual pep in her tone. She knows you—knows how this is affecting you—but this is a side of you she hasn’t seen in a long time. Down, gloomy, and set off if someone even chewed too loud.

“You okay?”

“Yeah. Fine.” You nod, smiling—faker than the extensions in your hair. You straighten your posture, trying to seem put together.

“Help stretch me out?” you ask, already moving toward an open mat, desperate to push past the painfully obvious.

Dina nods, sitting beside you, helping you stretch your thighs. But it’s impossible for her not to notice how off you are, how forced your words sound with each syllable.

“ lying, It doesn’t suit you.” Her hand settles on your knee as she continues. “Don’t pull the ‘I’m fine’ bullshit with me. You’re definitely not.”

“Oh, right, because I’d fall apart over some drunken argument?” Stretching an arm across your chest. “I’m saying it’s fine because it is.”

Dina shifts, turning to face you head-on now.

“I know you. And I’ve seen how you’ve been acting these past few months. I could read you in my sleep. You can lie to everyone else, but not to me. You’re cracking—you’re—“

“—Jesus, Dee! Can I just fucking stretch?”

You groan, throwing your hands up before leaning back on them. Your voice is louder than you intended, ringing out across the field.

“See? There it is. That attitude I’ve been seeing all season.” Dina is pushing now, and she knows it. But she’s tired of your bullshit.

“I know you don’t want to talk about it. I know you’d rather just bottle it up until you explode. But seriously? You’ve got to stop running yourself into the ground.”

She stands up abruptly, ponytail swinging.

“So yes, you can stretch. Alone.”

“Dina, wait—” You sigh, crossing your arms, feeling the weight of a few stares and pointedly ignoring them. God, this is all Anderson’s fault. The thought loops in your head like a curse, her being the chosen person for blame.

Dina’s footsteps slow, but she doesn’t turn. Her voice carries in the air just enough to let you know she’s done. “What? I thought you didn’t want to talk about it.”

“I don’t.” You pause. “But please just—sit, okay? I’m sorry, I’m just… overwhelmed, I think.”

She huffs but sits back down, crossing her legs, fully facing you. “Overwhelmed? Or just in denial?”

“Denial?” You scoff. “Please. Everyone seems highly aware of what’s going on in my life, so that’s not even possible.”

She rolls her eyes. “Everyone’s ‘highly aware’ because they have eyes. It doesn’t take a genius to see you’re not yourself.”

Her gaze scans your face, waiting for some kind of acknowledgment. “You’ve been snapping at people left and right. Hell, you’ve chewed my head off more than usual.”

You lower your arm, a creeping discomfort settling in. The breakup, the humiliation, the anger���it’s all piling up. Your shoulders sag. “That bad, huh?”

She nods, her previous irritation fading into concern. “Yeah. Pretty bad.”

She hesitates, then presses on. “Look, I get it. Martinez messed you up, and you’re pissed.”

“It’s not about her—” you cut in, hating that name hitting your ears.

“Please. If I got screwed over like that, I’d be pissed, too. But you’ve been like this since the breakup, and now you’re just lashing out at everyone.”

The more she spoke, the more the reminders came. The tears. The weight loss from barely eating. Dina dragging you through the shared house just to make you shower. Rock bottom—all from one girl. Realizing she’s touched a nerve, she sighs, dragging a hand through her raven hair. She remembers just how bad the fallout was. Letting someone in, only for them to shut you out. Burying themselves in your heart without caring if they left traces behind.

“Look, I know you’re not gonna wake up tomorrow and turn into sunshine and rainbows, but you’ve gotta do something. Because right now? You’re on a one-way road to a full-blown breakdown town.”

A pause. Then—

“I was talking with Coach, and… maybe you need a break. Tryouts are coming back up, so it’s not like we’d be down a spot—”

You had to stop her, not wanting to hear that finished thought. “What—? Hold on, you can’t do that. You know I’ve been looking forward to redeeming myself this time around. Now you think I’m just going to sit out?”

“Yes. Yes, I do think you’re gonna sit out. Because you’re a mess right now. This isn’t about redemption. This is about you pushing yourself to the brink because you can’t get over that sorry ass.”

“I’m sick of it. The coaching staff is sick of it. Hell, even the girls at Kappa are sick of it.”

She exhales sharply, leaning forward.

“We’re taking you off the roster for a minimum of two weeks. That’s all.”

Your head snaps up so fast you’d worry it would break. You’d never been taken off, ever. If anything, you were first pick next to Dina, Caitlyn, and a few others who were almost just as polished but not quite. With the heavy shelf full of trophies, medals, and countless pictures with a proud smile from elementary gymnastics up to now—this was a part of you. All of you.

“No—no! Don’t do this to me. Please, it’s the only thing keeping me sane right now—”

Dina’s expression softens, her tone lowering into a gentle whisper—almost as if she genuinely felt sorry for you.

“Yeah, that’s the problem. Cheer shouldn’t be the only thing keeping you ‘sane.’ It’s not supposed to be your entire identity.”

She reaches for your shoulder again, her hand resting on the black fabric of your tank top.

“You’ll thank me later once you’ve gotten your head on straight again.”

You love Dina, but in this moment, all you want is to wrap your hands around her throat. Despite the violent urge, you stay silent.

Instead, you meet the eye contact you’ve been avoiding since last night, knowing her big puppy eyes will pull you back to reality. She’s trying to help, you know that. But what are you supposed to do for two weeks? Fourteen days. 335 hours.

Maybe for someone in a clear headspace, two weeks of rest sounds nice, but for a girl who can’t separate herself from the uniform she wears, it feels like hell.

Dina waits for the snappy reply, the angry words, or maybe just your jaw clenched so tightly your teeth might shatter. Instead, she hears a quiet:

“Yeah, Okay.”

Then, the weight of your head settles on her right shoulder. Dina lets out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. This was the girl she missed—the softer version, even if you’d been moping around. She knew it would pass, just hoping you didn’t push her away before the gray cloud lifted, making way for a bluer sky.

For a moment, it felt nice. The intelligible chatter reminded you of your surroundings—until, suddenly, you felt out of place where you least expected it.

Your throat tightened as you blinked away the burning in your eyes. You had to push it down. You couldn’t cry now. So you quickly muttered something to get yourself out of there.

“Alright, I’ll see you at home then?”

“Yeah,” she agreed softly, patting your knee once more. “See you at home.”

Dina watched as you stood up, slinging your duffel bag over your shoulder and making your way across the open field. The loud whistle redirected her attention. She brushed off the few strands of grass clinging to her legs, giving your retreating figure one last glance.

The coach’s sharp voice cut through the lingering conversations. “Alright, bring it in!”

Dina pushed herself up, stretching her arms over her head before glancing at the rest of the girls. “She just needs to cool off,” she said, more to herself than anyone. “She’ll be fine.”

Caitlyn leaned in slightly, lowering her voice. “You think she’s good, though? She’s been kinda—”

“Intense?” Josephine, the blonde, chimed in. “Yeah, I’m kinda relieved she stormed off this time. Maybe now we can finish a damn drill without her biting someone’s head off.”

Dina shot her a look, lips pressing into a thin line. “Yeah, maybe don’t talk about her like that when she’s not here to defend herself.”

Josephine scoffed, raising her hands in mock surrender. “I’m just saying—”

The coach clapped their hands together, effectively cutting off the conversation. “Let’s go! I want focus this time!”

With that, they all fell back into line, shaking off the moment and refocusing on the drills ahead.

The walk felt aimless. If you went back home now, the questions would come. Admitting that your attitude got you put on timeout would sound too much like you were the loose cannon everyone said you were.

The sun beamed down on the exposed skin of your arms. Once the group was out of view, you sank onto the bleachers on the opposite side of the field, pressing your elbows against your thighs. The metal burned under you, but it was nothing compared to the frustration simmering in your chest.

From here, you could see the restrooms and the now-empty concession stands—during game nights, the lines were insufferable. Now, everything was still, and for the first time all morning, you could breathe.

Maybe some peace was needed after all.

Maybe you had been more intense since it happened.

And maybe you just needed a good cry.

Your shoulders sagged, defenses dropping. The tears burned as they fell, silent but unstoppable. What a shitty morning. Frustration took over, your hands moving without thinking, yanking your hair out of its perfectly tied updo. The strands fell loose around your face—messy, undone. Not so picture perfect. You hadn’t been in a while.

So bad, in fact, that they’d started calling you—

“Watch out, Time Bomb’s about to go off again.”

The snicker cut through your pity party. Laughter followed, the kind that made your skin crawl. So much for peace.

Of course, it’s one of those days—the kind where you’re forced to share the field with the rowdiest, cockiest group on campus. The ones who tackled each other for fun, who walked like they owned the place, who didn’t know when to shut the hell up.

One nudged the other with a elbow, grinning.

“Careful. One wrong move and she might start swinging.”

You should sit up, square your shoulders, act like you don’t hear them. Instead, your body felt heavy. The weight of the morning, the season, the past four months pressing down. So you ducked your head, staring at the ground like maybe—just maybe—if you didn’t acknowledge them, they’d move on.

Then came her voice. Annoyingly high-pitched.

“Knock it off.”

The condescension was thick. She didn’t actually care. You knew who it was before you even looked up. Savannah green, The replacement herself.

Long legs, smooth skin, lips always pulled into that pristine, porcelain smile. her arm lazily draped around Martinez like she had something to prove. And the look she shot you? Amused. Pitying. Like you were some kind of sad little joke.

Your jaw clenched. Nails dug into your palms.

God, you still hated her.

Hated them.

Four months earlier…

Virginity. Most girls lose it early—peer pressure, trying to catch up with their friends, or thinking they’ve found the one. They look at you differently once you share your body. Tie your soul to theirs, if you believe in that kind of thing.

But not you.

With a helicopter mom obsessed with appearances and a future in professional cheer ahead of you, relationships were hard to come by. Harder to keep.

Which is why you adored your first girlfriend.

At first She was sweet, understanding—the kind of girl who’d offer you her hoodie the second you muttered about being cold.

But lately, she’d been… pushy.

Her new group of friends had changed her, little by little. Since when was she so fixated on sex? What happened to I’m ready when you are?

So when her hand snaked into your jeans that night, fingers brushing against the fabric of your underwear, and her kisses swallowed your quiet protest—You had to fully pull back, laughing nervously.

“Woah, slow down.”

She groaned, running a hand through her dark hair. “You do this every time.”

Guilt twisted inside you. You reached out, cupping her cheek. “Babe, I’m just—”

“—Not ready. I get it.” With her head already turning away from you.

The air in the car shifted. You slowly slid back into the passenger seat. thing were so different now. Life pulling you both in different directions, those promises of being able to stick together through it all feeling emptier than the quick ‘love you’s she’d throw out like it automated reply.

She was different. The kind you struggled to recognize anymore. Before you could say another word, her phone buzzed.

You glanced down.

Savannah. That name again. The one she swore was just a friend. Just someone she passed notes with. Nothing to worry about.

Valeria let out a sigh, glancing at her screen before locking it again with a click. “I should take you home.”

“Oh—I thought it was date night?”

She only shrugged, shifting into reverse. “Yeah, well, it’s getting late.”

You should’ve known that night. Dina had tried to warn you, but that only earned her the cold shoulder.

She was right. She was always right. Because that night? Valeria didn’t go home. She found the first warm body that let her press up against them. The same girl she swore you didn’t have to worry about. Plastered all over that stupid Instagram page—Exposed UW. The one that thrived off campus scandals.

Abby had seen the post, too. Not that she’d been looking—it was impossible to miss. She still remembered the way your name had been tagged under the grainy party pictures, how the comments filled with half-hearted damns and yikes. The way she felt a little sick to her stomach reading them. Because sure, maybe she didn’t know you that well back then. But she knew enough to know She remembered thinking—Shit. She doesn’t deserve that. months later, you would still were holding onto that anger, looking at her like she was the enemy.

And Dina? She just patted your back as you screamed into your pillow, now wishing she’d brought earplugs.

“I hate her! I hate everything about her!”

Tears burned your face, breath hitching, body shaking as you chucked a fluffy pink pillow across the room. It bounced uselessly against the wall.

“She’d rather be the first whore to spread her legs than pick me?” Your voice ricocheted through the shared sorority housing. “Oh wow, congrats, Valeria! You’re a statistical cliché! So unique! So rebellious!“

You threw your hands up. “And her? Really? You wanted to date someone who looks like a Red Bull commercial come to life? ‘Oh, don’t worry, we’re just friends.’ Yeah, okay! Well, newsflash—friends don’t fuck each other!”

You grabbed your phone, scrolling furiously. “And this post? This post?” You shoved the screen toward Dina, voice in disgust.

“From head cheerleader to washed-up has-been? Some people peak in high school. Tough break.”

Dina winced hearing it read out loud, lowering the phone to see your face again. “You know that’s not true—“

“Washed. Up. Dina. Ugh!—says some loser who probably has no life of their own. so ‘ hey why not ruin someone else’s?’. Lame! “

You flung your phone onto the bed, hands flying to your head, Hair a nest of unbrushed strands. “Jesus, I mean—I suffered through hours of her indie garbage playlist just to impress her! And I—”

Your breath hitched. Eyes widening. A realization settled over you. The situation. What this meant.

“Oh my God.” You stumbled back. “I’m the tragic ex.”

“No, you’re not—”

“I am the tragic ex!” You shouted, to the ceiling.

Dina buried her face in her hands as you threw yourself dramatically onto the bed.

Back to this morning…

They just kept going, as if you weren’t even there. As much as you hated the nickname, they were lighting a match underneath you.

Walk away. Ignore them. Walk away.

With a deep exhale and a push of your palms, you stood up, preparing to do just that.

A small group straggled onto the field—probably the ones who overslept before practice. You barely registered them because another jag cut through the air.

With a fake pout, she continued, “Aw, you guys, don’t be mean. She’s had a rough time ever since, y’know…”

The audacity. The absolute gall to gesture between herself and Valeria, like she was doing you a favor by acknowledging it.

Valeria sighed, rubbing the back of her neck. “Savannah, chill.” She wasn’t even looking at you.

They were already moving on, setting up for practice like it was just another day.

That did it. Your vision blurred to crimson. A laugh escaped. “No, no. Let her talk. Since she clearly has so much to say.”

“Oh, I was just saying—”

Abby heard the taunting before she even saw the scene unfolding.

Still groggy from a late start to her morning, she stepped onto the field, body already bracing for a dreadfully long practice. And on top of everything, she couldn’t seem to stop thinking about you. That stupid viral clip of your argument looped in her head like a bad highlight reel. She’d gone over it a hundred times, picking apart what she said, how she said it, how your face twisted right before you shot back. Nora told her to just rip the Band-Aid off and apologize already. But it wasn’t that simple.

Second chances existed—sure. She was still working through how. Then, voices cut through her thoughts. Loud. Mocking. Her dark brows furrowed as she scanned the field. A few teammates laughing like they’d just cracked the funniest joke in the world.

But even odder—you. Standing stiffly, like a cat waiting to pounce.

Abby followed your line of sight, locking onto Savannah, who wore that smug little grin like she was waiting to be crowned homecoming queen.

And she knew that look on your face. The same one you’d given her the other night when you told her to stop pushing.

A slow inhale. Shoulders tensing. Abby felt it coming before it even happened

She barely had time to react before—

A collective gasp rang out, cut off by the impact of the ground.

Before she knew it, Weeks of poking a bear with Pom Poms had finally caught up. You ticked like a timebomb reaching its final countdown.

Fingers curled into the ironed fabric of Savannah’s perfect little shirt, your other hand balled into what she had coming for her.

A fist, flying right for her face.

Blue irises followed the movements of your drawn-back arm as it pistoned over and over and over and—oh my God, somebody please do something.

No. She should do something.

Her own belongings now lost on the ground, Abby decided to act fast before Savannah’s face or your fist was permanently disfigured.

With a rushed, fluid movement, strong arms locked around you, restricting any further hits. But not before your hand swung back, catching Abby in the process of prying you off the girl beneath you.

“Jesus—really?” Abby managed out, wincing as her head snapped slightly to the side.

With a heaving chest, you heard her voice first. Then the others.

“What the hell is wrong with you?!” Savannah, breathless, clutching her bleeding nose.

“Did someone record that?”

“Is she okay?”

“Damn, Time Bomb. Didn’t know you had hands.”

And that’s how she found herself beside you once more.

This definitely wasn’t the second chance her roommate had been talking about. But still, she couldn’t help but feel like—maybe—it could be a start.

You didn’t hit her on purpose. At least, she hoped.

As the dean finished up paperwork and wrapped up a phone call or two, he leaned back in his chair, eyeing the both of you with thinly veiled exasperation.

“Well, I don’t know the full extent of the situation, but what I do know is that I have one student with a broken nose and some very angry parents.”

He sighed, rubbing his temple before continuing.

“This is a university of young adults, not a fight club full of children.”

“And while I’m fully aware of certain… patterns of behavior, I’m failing to see how that justifies violence.”

His gaze flickered to Abby , then to you. “Now, you’ve never once sat in this chair before, so I’m gracing you with a warning. But if I—or any other staff—catch you, Miss Anderson, and especially Miss Green, in any kind of altercation again…”

His voice dropped to something final.

“I can promise you, the fallout will be far worse.”

As the dark oak door clicked shut, Abby leaned back against the wall. The dean had far more choice words for you than for her.

When you finally reappeared, she got her first good look at you—disheveled, a broken nail, a busted lip from the one hit Savannah had managed to land, and a look that spoke a thousand words.

She thought back to the bubbly, soft-spoken girl she’d been pining over, and yeah… this wasn’t her. And maybe, just maybe, her stupid comment the other night had a butterfly effect. She braced herself. She knew you were going to let her have it. Again. But when you turned down the hall without so much as a glance in her direction, she felt something unexpected—offended.

“What, no ‘thank you’?” Fuck. That’s not what she meant to say.

But it got your attention immediately. Here we go. Maybe she was a masochist because the slow chuckle you let out as you turned to face her made the hairs on her arms stand on end.

“Thank you?” Disbelief dripped from your voice. “You want a thank you, Anderson?” You cocked your head at her,

Abby huffed, trying—and failing—to ignore the way her name sounded coming from you. God, she was losing it.

“Yeah, I do.” She held your gaze, chin jutted outward in defiance. “I just saved your ass.”

Before you could retort, she closed the distance between you. “You could be suspended. Or worse—kicked off the entire cheer team. And yet you won’t even look at me, let alone thank me.”

She was right in front of you now, almost toe to toe.

“I’m off for two weeks because of you! So it might as well be the same damn thing! Oh, don’t think that just because you decided to play Prince Charming, I’m about to kiss your damn feet.”

“So thanks for always somehow making my life worse!”

Abby’s eyes narrowed. Oh, we’re doing this? Blaming her of all people?

“Oh, right. Because it’s all my fault you can’t control your temper.” She scoffed and took a step closer, leaving mere inches between you. “You’re ridiculous.”

“And you’re—” You trailed off, eyes flickering over her face.

“You’re—!” You turned your back on her, ignore how she smells, ignore how she smells, before throwing up a hand.

“Ugh! Just piss off already!” You stormed down the hallway, needing space, air, anything but her. This god awful day.

“Oh yeah, real mature!” she called after you before turning on her heel and being off in the opposite direction.

Apologize? Her ass.

So yes, Abby swore she had a plan. She just never thought it would backfire so much in the last 72 hours.

Taglist cuties: @ferxanda @sigh-icantfindausername @caffeine-pup @grey-jedi12 @layalisthings @deadbolted @bambiaches

[millersfinest]

untethered³ | e.w

00s!ellie williams & 00s!miller!reader

wc: 8.1k

series: chapter one, chapter two, chapter three (you’re here!), chapter four , chapter five

blurb: it’s been awhile since you’ve been back home; in upstate new york where you’ve spent most of your life waking up early and tending to the animals that moo’d and meh’d. after graduation high school, and then college, the city life has stolen most of your attention. enabling you to visit only a handful of times through the years. when your lovely adoptive parents (tommy and maria miller) invite you back for a thanksgiving dinner—a troubled old flame from your childhood manages to get your attention, despite its explosive ending.

cw: +18, lmao flip phones, r and ellie NOT beating the cheating allegations, more use of y/n then i would prefer, she/her pronouns, afab anatomy mentioned, some vulgar language, fuckgirl!ellie (kind of), the millers, r is a writer (she doesn’t write much in this ch wink wink), dina being a bitch, more horndog ellie, r being a little self-deprecating, elements of longing, ellie is #1 lesbian yearner in the world, jealous ellie, some early 2000s references, thanksgiving, r is still very jealous of cat, hella angst, rich!abby (one of r’s evil exes), emotional cheating (from ellie), r using abby for sex, repressed emotions, crazy mature chapter (wasn’t intentional lmao)

note: lmao guys, i just wanna say as i proceed with this series… i do not agree w cheating on your partners DONT DO IT. don’t be like ellie (or the reader), it hurts people’s feelings and it’s just not worth it. i hope i tagged everyone who wanted to to be. bisous little lesbians/sapphics in my phone <3 please, enjoy this dramatic ass chapter x

Normally, you wouldn’t be so pliant with Abigail—letting her hands drift toward the small of your back. Clearly, expressing her attraction, because she lost that privilege a while ago. But, you were weakened. And with the burning dark irises of an old friend into the back of your frame, you couldn’t help but let her. It was like she was some sort of cloak of invisibility. Some made up thing in your head ease your spirits.

You met Abby about a year ago, 2004, at some high profile event your agent made you go to. Isa introduced you as an aspiring author to anyone that she could, getting your name out there—which was a good thing, but horribly embarrassing at the time.

Abby was there with her dad, a well-known general surgeon in the city; when she was still in medical school. Wanting someone to talk to, you offered her a drink; a flute of expensive champagne. You didn’t hide your attraction to her, but you approached her with an open mind. Fortunately for you, the night consisted of flirting and great conversation. She was smart, and you loved smart women.

Give or take a few months, you withstand her busy schedule—dating each other, giving only a sliver of intention to one another. You weren’t sure what you wanted, but what you did know is that you couldn’t stand flakiness. Abby began to flake on you a lot; whether it was for her friends or work or school. For work and school you understood, but even then there were days you spent laying around each other completing your priorities. Somehow in the midst of your temporary romance, she began to cast you aside. Maybe it was because you weren’t drowning in money like she was. Or, she just didn’t like you—both were awful options.

Taking the lead, because you’d rather dump than be dumped, you broke up with her—she then hit you with: we weren’t in a relationship. Which was rough on the ears and heart. That was the first time you actually tried with someone in a long time, and she fucked it up. You learned your lesson, though.

The two of you didn’t speak for a few months, but then you called her on a very lonely night, begging for warmth. And, ever since then, it’s been off and on—you playing hard to get and her playing wanting to have.

In the bar, with your hand clutching your cold, cheap cocktail, you walked with her in the direction of Ellie. Abby had her eyes set on her friend group, so she didn’t realize you were slowing down. “I’ll catch up with you…”

“Oh—“ She looked down, seeing the table of three practically gawking at her. Abby made a face that was unreadable. “Don’t make me have to come and find you.” She purred in your ear, slipping her arm from around your shoulders. Abby was such a show off when she wanted to be, which was more often than not.

An uncomfortable smile rested on your lips, hand waving, shortly, to the three sat at the rocky table. Ellie looked completely taken aback, leaning forward on her elbows. “Who the fuck was that?” Ellie whispered as you slipped into the seat she saved for you. Her jacket was placed on the back of your seat, holding it for you.

“Hey, y/n!” Jesse spoke, grinning ear to ear, leaning back in his wooden chair.

“y/n,” Dina said, plastering a fake smile on her glossy lips.

Jesse snickered, taking a sip of his beer. “Is that all you? Goddamn.”

“She’s just a friend from New York…” You waved a hand, dismissively.

“We just watched her feel you up and buy you a drink. Some friend she is.” Ellie countered, glancing over her shoulder at the tall, muscular blonde sitting with her friends. And, weirdly enough, Abby had her eyes on her, too.

You scoffed, holding up a hand. “Okay, she didn’t feel me up. Just forget it.” Shaking your head, you replaced that stern look on your face with a smile. “Anyway, how are you guys? It’s been a long time.” You wrap your lips around the straw sticking out of your drink. The sweet tangy flavor of the alcohol mixed with cranberry juice spreading over your tongue—easing your worries.

He glanced at Ellie, briefly. So fast, you almost missed it. Almost. “I’m doing good. Just moved into my new place in Boston. How about you, Dina?” Jesse raised an eyebrow, nudging her arm.

She stirred the ice in her water with her straw, raising a thick eyebrow. “I’m great.” Dina responded, simply.

“Great.” You say, sipping your drink, awkwardly.

There was silence between the four of you that could only be classified as awkward, uncomfortable and tense. Ellie boring her big eyes into the side of your face as you, purposely, ignored her. Dina no longer having a reason to speak because of your sudden appearance. And, Jesse, well… He was normal. If anything he was trying to fight the demon that was the awkward silence.

Ellie shook her head, a scoff falling from her lips. Abruptly, she stood up, walking over to the bar. Even though her beer was barely touched. “What’s wrong with her?” You mutter, watching her get up. She motioned for the bartender, and you watched them fill up a shot glass. Her slender frame leaned over the bar top, on her toes. Pale skin exposed between the belt holding up her jeans and the hem of her shirt. You couldn’t help but let your eyes linger there—places you’ve touched with the pads of your fingers…

“I don’t know… But, I’m curious. Be right back.” Jesse stood to his feet, taking his beer with him. Leaving, none other than, you and Dina left alone.

Chewing your lip, you slide your drink forward, looking her in the eye. Perhaps, it was the liquid courage settling in your muscles. “Things shouldn’t be weird between us… Ellie wanted me here.” You felt the need to defend your place. Ever since that day, she always seen you as some predatory figure—now, that you think of it… She had even before that day. Just did a better job at hiding it. You were the predatory animal chasing over your gullible and prancing prey—Ellie

“Yeah, and sometimes she doesn’t know what’s good for her. So… I’m sure she did.”

Ouch.

You physically coiled at her words. A dry, pissed scoff fell from your lips. “Fuck you, Dina.” You cursed, leaning back in your chair. Ellie could never do wrong in her eyes—it was obnoxious. Did she have a crush on her or something?

She dryly laughed, shaking her head. “Fuck me?” Dina raised an eyebrow. “Look at her!” She jutted her brown eyes in her direction. “Every time you’re around, she ends up looking that. A wilted fucking flower.” She scolded you, causing you to follow her eyes. Jesse spoke to her with intent eyes. Ellie ran her hands through her hair, eyes shifting side to side. You didn’t know what they were talking about, but it seemed serious. “Just face it, y/n… You’re the common denominator here.”

The common denominator. What an interesting choice of words.

“She’d probably have a better night if you just leave. Go home. Let blondie over there take you home… Or a taxi. I don’t care.” Dina turned her face from you, like you were nothing.

Your hands began to shake and tremble from her words. The muscles in your face twitched and heated up like a furnace—eyes welling up with pained tears. You sniffled, standing up from your chair. Trying every which way not to make a fuss—saving face. She was always such a bitch! So, instead, you rushed to the bathroom with the stiffest posture. Heels stalking by Ellie and Jesse with eyes set on the women’s restroom to unleash your fury.

It was like a gust of wind passing her, Ellie’s words trailed as she unloaded onto Jesse about where her minds been. He was, probably, the only person she could even share it with. Dina didn’t like you very much, she was too emotionally involved. Jesse wasn’t bias and could give her proper advice—it was just up to Ellie if she wanted to follow it or not.

Ellie confessed that the feelings she had for you hadn’t gone away. Something he already knew. But she explained it like an act of a possession—as if the softness of your skin, the beauty of your features, the smell that exuded from you was a spooky presence that just won’t leave her alone. A poltergeist. It was becoming a carnal need the more she saw you.

But what about Cat?

What about her?

Then, on cue, you passed her. Ellie only caught a glimpse of your face. Jaw trembling, the sound of your emotional hiccups. Immediately, her olive eyes shifted to the young woman left at the table. She clenched her jaw, shaking her in disapproval. “Jesse, can you get a fucking handle on her?”

“Easy, Ellie. Don’t talk about her like that. She’s just looking out for you— or trying to.” He told, shifting on his feet. “…And she’s pregnant.”

Her eyes widened. “What?!” Jesse motioned for her to whisper.

“Shh! I wasn’t supposed to say anything. Dina’ll kill me.”

“You guys aren’t even together—“ Ellie pinched the bridge of her nose, squeezing her eyes shut. “Congratulations.” She intoned, running her hand through her hand. “If you don’t mind, I’m gonna go check on—“

“Yeah, go ahead. I’ll talk to Dina.”

Meanwhile, you paced around the single person bathroom. Purse thrown to the ground, makeup smudged down your cheeks. Fists clenched at your sides, and every few minutes pounding a spot on your thigh that inflicted enough pain to briefly distract you from the pain inflicted on your heart. Dina doesn’t understand! You’re not a bad person for what happened that day. When will Ellie get the heat for what happened? Why does it always have to be you? It was always your fault.

So much time has passed, meaning you’ve thought about the altercation for a long time. Hell, it was all you thought about at times. You should’ve never put your hands on Ellie that way—you knew that. But, she shouldn’t have pushed you to do it either. That was her mistake. Pushing and prodding at someone she claimed to love. Ellie was aware of that, too. She wrote about it in that letter she hand delivered on her eighteenth birthday.

Wringing your hands out, you heaved. Emotions still weighing heavy on your heart. Her words cut you like a knife—triggering you. Before you met Tommy and Maria Miller, life was so much harder. Everything was your fault and your birth parents—and the numerous foster parents that you had—made sure that you knew that. It wasn’t fair then, and it wasn’t fair now.

What stopped your progressing thoughts was the gentle call of your name, and a soft knock. It was Ellie.

“Go away!” You sniffled, leaning over the sticky sink to get a look at your appearance. It was a tragedy.

“Please, just let me in. I don’t know what Dina said… But, I’m sure it was fucked up— look, she has her reasons.”

“She has her reasons—?!” You exclaim, looking at the door through the reflection.

“But that doesn’t make it right. I know.” You heard her lean against the door. “Please, y/n.”

Wiping your face, you sighed. Sniffling, you walked over to unlock the door, gulping. “It’s unlocked…” You spoke, weakly. Positioning yourself with your back against the sink, you crossed your arms. Watching her push inside the bathroom, locking the door behind her. Ellie pressed her back against the door, observing you with the softest pair of green eyes you’ve ever seen. It was charming. Through her thick eyelashes, pelvis leaning forward—like she was a child in trouble.

“I’m so sorry about Dina. I should’ve never invited you… I just thought things would be different.” She frowned, fiddling with her fingers in front of her body. Her fingernails had chipped black nail polish on them; focusing on that was easier than focusing on her.

“Well…” You dryly chuckled. “You thought wrong.” Slowly, you drag your eyes from her hands, to her face—avoiding her eyes, though. “Apparently, you’d be better off if I left… Or died; if it were Dina’s way.” Your voice trembled, tears falling from the corners of your eyes. Dina didn’t tell you to die, but that’s what her tone told you. All you were doing was existing. If that’s what stressed Ellie out then… Fuck. Maybe you should just croak, huh?

Ellie ran her hands over her face, taking quick steps towards you. “Fuck— I don’t know why she said that.” Her hand ran through her straight hair, frustrated at herself and Dina. “I—… I do want you here. She doesn’t know what the fuck she’s talking about.” She reaches a hand out for you, but you flinch. There was a slight height difference to the pair of you—your heels caused you to look down at her. But, you weren’t looking down on her.

She was close enough for you to notice the orange-brown flecks in her irises. The ones you missed… So much, and desired wholly. However, you pushed yourself into the ceramic sink, fighting temptation. “Don’t tell me you actually believe what she said?” Her doe eyes looked up at you, demanding a response.

“I don’t know… It’s more than that, Ellie.” You analyze her features as inconspicuously as you could—which wasn’t possible. She noticed everything because she was doing the same thing.

Your bodies drew to each other like the opposite sides of conjoined magnets. Eyes intertwining and overcoming like they always did. Tensions were high, and you were in an enclosed space—your stomach rumbled with anticipation. “Tell me what it is, then.” The feeling of her fingers sliding up the curve of your elbow caused you huff, moving to the toilet to sit down. Cold air replacing where her fingers attempted to tether to you.

Ellie sighed, bunching her hand into a fist at her side. She knew what she was doing—after all, she was a pusher. It was hard to identify when to stop.

You dropped your head into your hands, forcing even breath from your lips. “It’s just… Old shit, okay? Dina struck a nerve.” You glanced at her through your hands, lips quivering.

Ellie took your previous spot, pondering. She knew about your life before your parents—how awful those people treated you; and she couldn’t understand why. You were a scorned person, like most of the kids you grew up with, but underneath it all you were soft. She’s witnessed that softness. And she will regret it for the rest of her life that she was the one to pull you from that that—all for dumb proof of trauma.

She realized too late that she was never alone in that traumatic suffering of the adoption system. After that day, she never wanted to see you hurt like that again. Or at all. Ellie wanted to make everything up to you.

Seeing those tears staining your cheeks; she wanted to kiss it better.

“I’ll talk to her.” The words fled from her mouth. Her old converse squeaked toward you, squatting before your sat figure on the filthy toilet. You turned your head, shutting your eyes and shivering at the thought of her. “Hey,” Her fingers grazed your jaw, pulling your eyes into her line of sight. “I will. She crossed the line— this isn’t my favorite version of you.” Her eyebrows deepened, pressing her lips into a firm line. She wanted to be level with you—not above or below.

Those words were music to your ears. Supple in its raspiness. The warm touch of her fingers on your face, you leaned into her hand. She had a favorite version of you? You reached up, gently gripping her wrist to pull it from you. Ellie shouldn’t have been touching you like this. But, even so, your bodies somehow gravitated toward one another. Eyes staring at each others parted lips, wanting. Needing. Her hand bracing on your thigh, pulling herself closer until your lips met.

Soft and forbidden. You gasped against her mouth, pulling away for a brief moment. Her olive eyes were pleading, and you just couldn’t say no. Being a victim of your flesh, your hand found its way to the back of her neck to pull her lips flush to yours. Mixed whines coming from the both of you; lips merging and meshing together. Creating something beautiful.

Every time you were physical with someone they were missing something. This was it! The passion, the history—the things that matter. The fucking chemistry; it was all there with Ellie. And, deep down, you knew that it was the only place you were going to find it.

She pushed into you, being guided by her carnal desire. Whining and growling into your mouth. Hands gripping at your hips, and the side of your backside. Ellie was hooked under a spell you concocted—some aphrodisiac that exuded from you. And she wanted to breathe more of you in until she couldn’t anymore. She was gluttonous.

Breaking her trance was a rough knock on the bathroom door. The two of you basically jumped apart; you falling into the toilet, nearly touching the water, her falling on the floor. Some of the glitter on your lips had rubbed off onto hers—it looked nice on her, but that was besides the point.

“Some people need to piss! Get out of the fucking bathroom!” Some heavy handed woman exclaimed from the other side.

A smile spread on her lips, hazy eyes watching as you pulled yourself up. “Fuck, Ellie. Why are you smiling?” You walk to the mirror, taking a look at yourself. You and Ellie had just kissed. The same Ellie who’s girlfriend is waiting for her back at the guesthouse. The pressure was already hitting you like a ton of bricks—Ellie was right, you had a terrible poker face. How could you forget about this? “Can you hand me that?” You pointed to the purse beside her.

She chuckled, standing up from the floor. Your purse was in her hand as she walked up behind you, handing it over. Her other snaking around your hips—clearly, still overcome. Taking the purse, you smack her hand away. “Enough!” You scold, deepening your eyebrows. She pouted, crossing her arms. Leaning her back against the wall, shutting her eyes. But it was soon replaced with a smirk.

Your fingers rummaged through your purse for your lipgloss. “This didn’t happen�� This never happened…” You muttered to yourself. Once you found the sparkling tube, you began to apply it like a nervous tick. “I still don’t know what you keep finding so funny— nobody can find out about this, Ellie.” You turn to her, dropping your lipgloss back into your purse. “What just happened isn’t fucking funny—“

You were a homewrecker, a thief of girlfriends—watch out New York!

“You’re spiraling.”

“Yeah, and I have every reason to. This isn’t me. I’m not this person. You have a girlfriend!”

Ellie watched you ramble with a look of in awe in her eyes—you were fucked, and so was she. “I remember…” She couldn’t compel herself to care about the repercussions of hr actions; Ellie just wanted you. Even more now than before. She was given an inch, and she was ready to take a mile. Perhaps, longer if that was possible. Your ethics only made her want you more.

The glitter on her lips distracted you, causing you to reach your thumbs near her lips to wipe away the signs of you. Her wide eyes looked up at you, hands wrapping around your wrists. Where did she learn this type of behavior from? VHS porn?“Ellie, will you quit it?!” You stomped your foot, squeezing your eyes. “Fuck me.” You whisper to yourself, adjusting your purse.

“I’ll see you at home…” You mutter, placing your hand on the door handle.

“Am I not driving you?”

“No. You’re gonna stay here, mingle—fuck, I don’t care.” You shook your head. “Abby’s gonna take me home.” The words rushed from your lips because you were thinking and speaking at the same time. You needed an alibi and that’s what Abby was going to be.

The auburn-haired woman rolled her eyes, scoffing under her breath. Jealousy peaking inside of her like it did earlier. “Abby. Abby… The buff blonde you walked into the bar with— the one who was feelin’ you up.” She popped the p sound, nodding her head with searching eyes.

“She wasn’t feeling me up. I don’t think you know what feeling up looks like.”

“Show me, then.”

Your jaw almost dropped from its hinges, gasping at the woman before you. She was shameless, and you were the complete opposite—it was a recipe for disaster. “Like I said… I’ll see you at home.” You opened the door, slipping through to allow her some privacy. The people must’ve opted for the men’s restroom. Fucking freak. You thought, fighting the amused smile off your lips.

Adjusting your top, you approached Abby’s booth. She was surrounded by familiar faces—you knew them-ish. “Abs, can I talk to you for a second?” She looked up at you, blinking with slight confusion at your state.

“Oh, hi, y/n!” A short-haired woman grinned, wiggling her fingers at you.

You smiled at her, while Abby shimmied out of the booth. Taking her hand, you led her away from her friends, keeping her large hand in yours as you began to speak. “I know it’s early, but could you take me home? Like, now?”

She deepened her eyebrows, a hand dropping to your face, wiping at the mascara stains that had run down your cheeks. “Are these tears?” She bunched her eyebrows, gripping your chin and moving your head side to side. “I saw you run to the bathroom—“

“It’s not important, all right?” Your eyes peer up at the blonde woman, pressing your lips into a line. Pleading and batting your eyes at her—you really wanted to go home. And you weren’t necessarily doing it for Dina, it was more so because of her. As well as the fact that you had just made out with a woman who was spoken for. Whose girlfriend who is only ten minutes away, and who also offered to get champagne for Thanksgiving after you mentioned its absence. It was currently, probably, chilling in the fridge as all of this unfolded.

While you semi-sensually begged the woman to drive you home in her Jaguar, Ellie had gotten herself together in the bathroom. After you left, she released a joyful laugh once the door shut behind you. As if she had finished with making out with the hottest girl in school—very teenage-like. Her cheeks were flushed, blushing a warm mahogany through her freckles. You wanted her just as much as she wanted you; the kid proved that much.

But, then, a pang of guilt settled in the pit of her stomach. A fragment. Very small and minuscule.

It wasn’t right away; Ellie was certain that you thought of her to be cold based on how she was handling the situation. She had a girlfriend and found the situation amusing? You’re right—nothing was funny about what happened before you fell into the toilet and before she fell onto the floor. The both of you had managed to dig yourselves into a hole that she didn’t want to get out of. And she was sure you felt the same—she hoped you felt the same. Holes were fun, right?

Ellie wanted to keep digging deeper, and deeper, and deeper. She wanted to envelop herself with you, just like she used to. However, this time, she wasn’t planning on letting you go.

Cat was just something—someone she had to deal with in the meantime. She’s gonna fix it… Ellie just doesn’t know how, right now. She can’t think straight. Pun intended.

Leaving the bathroom, she checked her cell. Noticing the few messages her girlfriend had left her during the short period of time she had you to herself. Her avoidant nature caused her to skim them, then slap her phone shut.

“Everything good?” Jesse questioned, watching as she approached the table.

Ellie shoved her phone into her front pocket. “Yeah… Everything’s fine.” Her olive eyes averted to Dina. “Dude…?” She squinted her eyes.

“I’m sorry, Els. I went too far, I know.”

“I’m glad you know.” She sat in her chair, glancing over at you talking to the buff blonde. “What you said was fucked up, and I should be more mad at you, right now…”

She sighed, pouting her lips. “Well, thank you for your mercy, sire.” A smile creeped onto her lips.

“Dina,” Ellie narrowed her eyes, shaking her head.

Jesse side-eyed her, pressing his lips into an unimpressed line. She looked over at him, lips parting. “Just tryin’ to lighten up the mood. Excuse me.” Dina deepened her eyebrows, sliding down in her chair.

Ellie chortled, shaking her head once more, making sure to swing it far to get a glance at you. She watched you follow Abby back to her booth, telling them that you were leaving. Her hand guiding you, rubbing circles on the back of your hand. Fuck, that should’ve been Ellie. She hated watching you lean into her like that—shrinking yourself. That wasn’t you.

You were bold, opinionated, and despite your strict upbringing, you never shrunk. If anything, Maria and Tommy’s parenting gave you confidence. That used to intimidate Ellie, but it didn’t anymore. It influenced her.

As you walked out with Abby, Ellie gave an awkward wave, but you snapped your head in the other direction. You needed to clean your pallet, and that’s exactly what you were planning to do in that shiny black Jaguar.

When the door opened, the brisk, autumn air hit you, cooling your body down. But your mind was still set on using Abby as a cleanser—a handkerchief to wipe you of your mistakes.

You feigned a straightforward destination, giving her the address of your childhood home. But, halfway, you told her to pull over onto a dark dirt path. She made a joke, asking: Is this where you kill me and steal my car?

And you respond, full of need: I don’t want your stupid fucking car. I want you. Launching yourself over the center console, wrapping your arms around her face. You swing one of your legs over to straddle her in the driver’s seat. Hips grinding against her, shoving your tongue down her throat like she was going to leave you. Although, she wasn’t going anywhere—not with you on her lap, anyway.

Abby groaned into your mouth, gripping your ass over your jeans, pushing you harder against her. Messily, you begin to trail your lips down her jaw, toward the softness of her neck. Urgently nibbling at her skin. “Fuck, you’re eager…” Abby muttered through her heavy breathing. “I like this version of you.”

This isn’t my favorite version of you. Ellie’s voice echoed in your head. It frustrated you.

Warmth built up under the crotch of your jeans; the thick seam doing very little for the pleasure you wanted. “Please, Abby…” You breathed into her ear, tugging at the silver ring through her cartilage. “Touch me.” Reaching for her hand, you place between your legs, cupping her hand as she groped you. Meeting her eyes, you taunted her, chewing on your bottom lip.

The blonde didn’t hesitate, unbuttoning your jeans and shoving her hand inside. She was always quick to give rather than receive—listening to any command you spoke. As the pads of her fingers contact with where you needed her the most, you sighed. “You’re so wet for me already…”

It was debatable whether it was for her or not. With your eyes squeezed shut, you imagined the earthy, olive eyes of your past lover. The softness of the her lips. The desperation in which she put her all into pleasing you—it was experienced before. But, at that point, you were amateurs. So much has changed since then. You were curious how much, though. “All for you.” You whined, rocking your hips against her hand. Lying through your teeth.

She pressed two fingers into you, pushing a moan from your throat. Hands gripping her shoulders, bracing your weight. You imagined them to be her fingers curling deep inside of you—pulling sounds from you like a puppeteer.

You were worser than you thought.

Abby was supposed to be a pallet cleanser, but instead she was just a vessel for your horny fantasies.

The palm of her hand rubbed against your clit, pushing you closer to an edge you wanted to fall off of. A tightness built in the pit of your stomach—burning like a prosperous flame; standing by to erupt. “Ah… Fuck, yes!” You lewdly affirmed, fingers gripping the roots of her hair, back arching into her. The smell of lavender shampoo wafting into your nose from how close you were.

Ellie would never wash her hair with lavender shampoo. She stuck to sweeter, muskier smells. The one’s you liked.

Your legs trembled around her hips, jolting with every stroke and thrust. Her ministrations intensifying causing the sounds from your lips to get louder, laced with desire. “Abby,” You trembled with a warning tone. “I’m g—gonna… Fuck, I’m comi—“ Your choppy words are cut off with the snapping of a band in your stomach—spreading over you like a brisk gust of wind. Shocking your body into a brief state of paralysis against her strong frame.

She coax’s you through your orgasm, with that same come hither motion that got you there to begin with. Although, she was so quiet. That’s when clarity hit you, as you shakily rocked against her hand. Reaching down, you grip her wrist, kissing the pressure point under her ear. “Can you check the time f’me?” You sweetly ask, still subtly, rutting against her.

Abby checked the watch on her wrist. “Eleven-something.” She hummed into your neck.

“Eleven-somethin’, huh?” You tease, lifting off her, trying to settle back into the passenger seat. “I should probably get home…” You zipped and buttoned your pants. Normally, you’d be eager to return the favor, but your plan didn’t work—and, frankly, that irritated you. That nerdy, auburn-haired, freckled woman, that you knew so well, had burrowed herself under your skin already. It was a recipe for disaster.

There was a twitch in Abby’s brow at your sudden departure from her. She felt that bite of coldness; it was something she wasn’t used to. Nonetheless, she drove you home. With you leaning on the window, watching dark, shedding trees pass you by. All the way until you felt that familiar shift from side to side as you cruised over the gravel that led to your childhood home.

“How long are you gonna be here for?” You asked as she pulled to a stop, where Ellie’s car was previously parked. It was out of courtesy to wonder; these parts of town wasn’t really for people like her.

“Until the end of the week, then back to work.” She turned toward you, pushing her hair behind her ear. “When am I gonna see you again?” Record scratch. Abby Anderson has never asked you that. She was always aloof and carefree. I’m too busy. Let me check my schedule.

You couldn’t help the laugh that fell from your lips. “I’m really tying to spend some time with my family, but— uhm… I’ll call you, okay?” Leaning over the console, you place a lush smooch on her lips—riding on the confidence from her lack thereof.

Getting out of her expensive car, you adjust your clothing before walking into your house. Thankfully, the lights were off, meaning your parents were asleep. Thank, God. You looked awful, and you preferred not to be questioned on your state, Ellie’s whereabouts, and who took you home.

Gently, you shut the door behind you, keys jiggling in your hand. Slipping out of your heels, you tiptoed toward the fridge just to prove something to yourself. The white light from the fridge illuminated your deadpanned expression as two tall bottles of champagne sat on the second shelf. Nobody likes champagne that much. You rolled your eyes, scoffing under your breath.

Cat didn’t deserve any of what happened tonight, and you hated that.

When you got to your bedroom, you wasted no time to peel the clothes from your body. Falling atop of your mattress like a starfish. Before you slipped under the covers, you pulled your laptop onto your stomach to log into your MySpace. There was a red notification on your activity icon. When you click on it, StarlightWilliams had added you back—you were mutuals now. The pads of your fingers touched your lips, remembering the softness of hers from that moment in the bathroom. The pressure of her slender fingers gripping your sides—wistfully you sighed, slumping your head against the fluffy pillows and stuffed animals against your headboard.

Suddenly, your computer makes a sound—a ping. You sit up, squinting at the incoming notification.

kit_cat79 wants to be your friend!

What a coincidence. The website exposes whether you were online or not—you couldn’t hide from her. So, you decided to add her back. Cat’s picture was of her with her tongue out, dark bangs styled to the side. You didn’t realize that she had a tongue piercing—could she get any cooler? Maybe you should get a tongue piercing.

Her mood hadn’t been recently updated, but it was: Optimistic.

Her bio didn’t over explain much, but said more than her freckled counterpart: my name is cat and i do tattoo’s !! message me for inquiries (or ur a loser). Your eyes and cursor skimmed her account, not paying attention to the smaller details. Quickly, you navigated to the pictures and videos. There were some pieces of her work, candids of Ellie, pictures of her at band shows—

kit_cat79: hey… i know it’s late, but that was you who just got back, right?

The messages appeared at the bottom left corner of the screen, blinking green.

BugsWritersRoom: Hey, yeah. That was me…

Duh.

kit_cat79: i thought you went with ellie in her truck. also… where is she? she’s not answering my texts.

Was she worried about her? Or was her questioning coming from a place of distrust? Or, a secret third option... you had a bad case of paranoia.

BugsWritersRoom: She’s still at TB. I’m sure she’s just distracted catching up with Jesse and Dina.

kit_cat79: oh…

kit_cat79: that was some car you pulled up in...

She was wanting to start conversation, but you were too tired. You didn’t want to think about, or talk to another person about Abby. Let alone, talk about her with Cat. No offense. Sleep is the only time when your mind was going to finally rest, and you can resume thinking tomorrow.

Leaving her message on seen, you shut your laptop, pushing it to the side. You took Cat’s message as a sign to shut it down, reaching to click your lamp off.

You allowed sleep to take over, cuddling into your pillows as if it were a body. Hitching your leg over it, tugging it to your chest. Could you have been more evident in your loneliness? In your restless dreams, your brain scoured for something to show you. Something relevant, of course.

Olive eyes, freckles, prominent beauty mark—it was obvious what images it was looking for. Ellie.

By the time the sun lingered on the horizon, a tragic alarming song sang in unison to wake you—the sound of your ancient alarm, and the sound of the rooster sat atop of the chicken coop. Groaning into the pillow you held, squinting your eyes open. It had pulled you from a dream that was… Certainly, a dream. It was untoward, lewd; just straight up nasty.

There was a wetness between your legs that was the first to get your attention. Out of shameful curiosity, you reached your hand under your shorts; hoping it wasn’t your period suprising you. Pulling your fingers out, there was an absence of the dark hue that was a symbol of your menstrual cycle. It was fairly clear, shiny, and slick. You were a victim of a wet dream. How juvenile.

The sight of it only made your hornier. So, while you still had time, you jumped for one of the bags you brought. You were expected for morning chores, but there was always time to rub one out.

Taking the battery-powered silver bullet from you bag, you attempt to switch it on but it doesn’t respond. You even switch the batteries around, blowing into the port. “Come on…” You complain, but it still it doesn’t adhere to you.

You groan, falling back into your pillows. There was nothing wrong with going old school, but you were a creature of habit.

Sliding your hand down your body, you slip under your shorts and underwear. It didn’t take long for you to completely rouse yourself, blinking your eyes shut to fall into your imagination. Usually, the best material was your most recent hookup—or some celebrity crush that you couldn’t get over.

The movement of your finger mirrored a strong blonde who always aimed to please you. You could imagine yourself gripping her long, silky hair, pushing her into your pussy—devouring you. Feeling her hands gripping your thighs, anchoring them to the mattress.

You relished in the feeling that was slowly washing over you. So much so that when the image of blonde hair began to fade and be replaced by short auburn strands, you barely noticed. Subconsciously, replicating the dream that kept you snug as a bug all through the night.

Your ministrations quickened as you neared finality. Bottom lip slipping between your teeth. Soft, repressed moans sneaking through them as your hand clutched your breast, thumbing your sensitive nipple. The serotonin levels increasing with every swipe and slide. Fuck, El—

Downstairs, the artist peeled dried paint from her fingers, waiting for you. Staying out late knowing she had to get up for chores was a huge mistake. There were many mistakes that happened last night. Another being, ignoring Cat’s messages. Ellie pulled into the driveway not too much later than you—it was nearing one o’clock.

When she entered the guesthouse, shrugging off her jacket—with a mind busier than New York City herself—Cat was found in the small living room. With her thin eyebrows bunched together and her arms crossed over her chest. Dressed in nothing but a fitted tank top and cheeky underwear.

Ellie had looked at her with a stressed look, “What are you still doing up?” Walking past her to the bedroom to undress and unwind. Cat scoffed, following her to the bedroom. Slippered feet stomping behind the artist.

“What am I doing up?!” She chided, twitching toward her. “I’ve been texting you all night, Ellie. You couldn’t respond to one?”

The freckled woman plopped onto her side of the bed, kicking off her shoes. She pretty much saw the messages as they were coming in; Ellie just didn’t have the nerve to respond. She didn’t feel like it. Not after what happened in the bathroom—she couldn’t come back from that. Hell, she didn’t want to come back from that. The only image replaying in her mind was your lips on hers. Your hands imbedded in her hair. The wanton sounds coming from you that she wanted to hear on again, and again, and again. That feeling of being between your legs...

And, let’s not even get into how it felt to see you leave with Abby. That ruined her whole night. Not even Jesse could cheer her up.

She ran a hand through her hair, looking over her shoulder with a tired expression. “Babe, I’m sorry, okay?” She began, standing to her feet to remove her jeans. “We just got too carried away talkin’ and whatnot.” Walking to the bathroom in the bedroom, she shed her shirt from her body. Ellie found it too easy to lie—she’s always been good at it. And, Cat was pretty gullible. But she had to throw a monkey wrench in there to really calm her down.

“Turns out… Jesse got Dina pregnant.”

“What?”

She turned on the shower, then peaked out of the doorway. “Yeah, how crazy is that?”

The tattooed girl fell onto the edge of the bed, eyes casting toward the ground, full of uncertainty. “Super crazy…”

Noticing the subtle dejection in her features, Ellie sighed. Leaving the doorframe as the shower ran hot in the background. She appeared before her, reaching her hand down to lift her chin. “Kitty Cat,” Her voice was soft and oh, so forgiving. “I should’ve responded to your texts— I’m an asshole. Let me make it up to you…” She sultrily offered, caressing the softness of her chin with her thumb.

And that’s what she did. Ellie made it up to her girlfriend of almost a year. By fucking her in the shower hard enough to make her forget about all of her uncertainties.

She had a long night.

This morning, she got up an hour earlier to get a better start on her sketch—she even started incorporating her oil paints. That’s what was stuck to her hands. The coloring in of her portrait of you in front of that shed. She felt the need to freeze that moment in time; where you embraced each other in the arms of company for the first time in too long. That hazardous kiss you shared in that sticky bathroom at the Tipsy Bison inspired her to color in the lines.

“I normally hear her up and movin’ around… She’s taking longer than I thought she would.” Maria commented, munching on a buttered bagel. “How long were you two out last night?”

Ellie inhaled, lifting her eyebrows in thought. “I got back around one, but y/n came back earlier than I did. She got a ride from a friend.” She shrugged, the ends of her lips curling, mischievously. “I think her name’s… Abby.” Ellie added, glancing between the two parents.

“Hm. What made her leave early—?” Tommy began to ask, but he stopped himself. He frowned, leaning his elbows on the counter, peering at the auburn-haired woman across from him. “How’s Dina doin’?”

She chuckled. “Still pissed, if that’s what you’re getting at?” Ellie went from peeling paint off her fingers, to fiddling with them. “They got into a bit of a…”

“Fight?” The blonde woman questioned, deepening her arched eyebrows. She never liked hearing about you fighting—or seeing it. That was a strictness Maria was never going to get rid of. Tommy used to get into fights a lot, finding himself locked behind iron bars at the county jail. But that was years before he moved to New York. When he still lived in Texas with Joel.

“No.” Ellie bunched her eyebrows in defense, shaking her head. “It was an argument, but it didn’t last long. I handled it.”

Steps sounded from the stairs, silencing the three. Pairs of eyes peered up the stairs, hoping that it was you stalking down the steps—but it wasn’t. When he began clearing his throat and coughing, loudly, they knew it was Joel. “Goddamnit…” Tommy rolled his eyes, slapping his hand against his thighs.

“Good mornin’ to you, too, Tommy.” Joel scoffed.

He huffed, licking his lips. Just like you did when you grew irritated—Tommy’s antics had rubbed off on you. “Is there any signs of life from my kids' room—? Because she should’ve been down here five minutes ago.” He looked to Joel before glancing at his watch. “Maria and I planned for her to teach Ellie how to do our grocery shipments.”

“Grocery shipments?” Ellie cast her earthy eyes toward Maria.

“It’s a lot of information, but I’m sure you’ll catch on just fine, Ellie.” She placed her hand atop of hers, pressing her lips into a smile. “If only your teacher could be timely…” Maria sighed.

The freckled artist stood up straight, pursing her lips. “I can go check and see if she’s up…” She offered, shrugging nonchalantly. “I’m sure she is— maybe she just needs a little nudge. I had rough time this mornin’, too.” To be frank, offering to grab you from the second floor of the house was clouded with selfish intentions. Ellie hadn’t seen your bedroom since she was seventeen. She couldn’t help but wonder if anything had changed.

And, she wanted a useful reason to talk to you.

Your parents are wondering what the hell you’re doing— also, how was our kiss from 1-10?

Hey, you’re supposed to be teaching me about grocery shipments, right now— hypothetically, would you kiss me again… Or?

She was such a loser for you; she always has been. “If you don’t mind. I’m sure she’d appreciate seeing you more than me.” Tommy chuckled, nudging his wife but she barely broke a smile. Staring her husband down with icy, blue eyes.

Ellie’s eyebrows twitched, but she decided not to interact with whatever happened there. Quickly, moving to the stairs to find you.

What she could remember about your room was the pink wallpaper and the posters. You used to be very persistent in upgrading old ones for new ones—saving the old ones in your closet. She found it amusing how you could never get over anything; you liked to collect things. As many things as possible—posters, collectors items, superhero figurines—you were an undercover geek!

The fascination you had with catwoman was insane. But, understandable.

The stairs of your home was guided by many picture frames. Pictures of you lining the walls. The bottom starting with photos of you when you still went heavy on the eyeliner and hairspray; gradually preceding with much happier images of you. The final photo being the whole family together, including Ellie. It was taken after your college graduation, in front of the house. You were sandwiched between your grinning parents while Joel and Ellie were on both ends; her sporting a timid smile, and him grinning just like his brother.

She was so proud of you that day, but didn’t dare to enunciate that how she really wanted to. At the time, the shoulder you gave her was ice cold. Brisker than the harsh weather of the east coast.

When she emerged at the top step, the first door in front of the stairs was cracked open. But that wasn’t your bedroom, that was your parents’ bedroom. Down the hall, to the right, after passing an open floor planned media space, was the guest room. Where Joel was spending his nights. A little further down that hall was your bedroom.

It was the best spot in the house. Your bedroom have the best view of the front of the house, and was far enough from the prying ears of curious parents.

Neither you or Ellie were innocent teenagers—you both couldn’t wait to get some alone time, and you couldn’t keep your hands off each other once you started. It was the perfect place for late night shenanigans.

Again, some things never change, huh?

Strolling toward your door, Ellie raises her hand to give a soft knock. But she pauses at the faint sounds coming from under your door. Breathy whines, the light rocking of your old, rickety bed frame. Could she hear just how wet you were from outside your door?

She leaned closer to the brown door, her bottom lip slotting between her teeth. Ellie wanted to be sure she was hearing correctly, of course. She heard you cursing and swearing, but nothing shocked her more than when she heard you squeak her name. “Fuck, Ellie…”

Apparently, Ellie wasn’t the only one who was overcome. Wanton sounds filled her ears like a mantra before she decided to interfere. Knock, knock! She heard you gasp.

“It’s Ellie... Your parents are gonna throw bitch-fits in T-minus five minutes if you’re not downstairs soon.” Ellie kept herself composed, using her hand to hold her weight against the wall. She heard you shuffling behind your door, cursing under your breath.

“I’ll be down in, like, five minutes!” You shout, the sound of quick maneuvering being heard from Ellie’s side of the door.

She wanted you to open the door, just to get a glimpse of that blissed out look on your face—Ellie anticipated that flustered look. Forgetting about her own blushing cheeks after hearing you say her name while touching yourself. She felt like a fucking king.

Stuffing her hands into her pockets, she walked to the media space. Lifting up CDs, VHS tapes, and eyeing thick books that haven’t been touched in years to pass the time. Fuck, Ellie—still played in her mind like a record. There wasn’t any scratching, only smooth playing; no interruptions.

When you appeared from your room, dressed in your working cowboy boots, a long-sleeve Abercrombie shirt and bootcut jeans—there was a shit-eating grin that just wouldn’t leave her face. Ellie turned around to lay her eyes on you, unable to help but ogle. “Do you have a condition that you’re not mentioning? Perhaps, a tumor—? Since you can’t help yourself when it comes to laughing…” You grumble, placing your hands on your hips.

Your words only made her smile more. The more time the two of you spent together, the more snarky you were becoming—she missed that. “Turns out, under some circumstances… I can be a morning person. Some circumstances.” She muttered, mainly to herself but she didn't mind if you heard. Ellie deliberated with herself on whether she was going to expose what she heard you say… Or, if she was going to hold onto it. Similar to how victorians put the hair of their lover’s into lockets.

“Whatever, Els.” You rolled your eyes, loosely calling her by that nickname, again. Ignoring the harshness of her eyes, you passed her to descend the wooden stairs. There was still a mindless sleepiness to you. It was charming to your past lover, as she followed behind you—floating on air. Thinking about how great of an idea it was to come back this year.

And, still, Ellie was barely harbored with guilt. Even more so when she inspected your features, intently. When her thoughts wandered into the gutters of her creative mind—spreading you wide in all of your glory.

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[elliesbabygirl]

ch. 002 ⇄ ch.003; 10:36 - Beabadoobee

"You don't need me, as much as I need you"

my masterlist.

word count: 5.0k words

Series synopsis: friends with benefits, that's what ellie wanted. yet, she can't let you go, even after the messy 'breakup' between the two of you.

Warnings: mentions of drinking + implication of a character being high, mentions of blood + two characters physically fighting, swearing, crying, snot, and kissing. 🚶‍♂️‍➡️ft. mama bear dina fighting for you..

author's note: okay, was ch. 002 fire or was it firee?? 🔥I'm so glad people liked ch. 002 and you might've noticed that ch. 003 is a bit lengthy but that's because, I couldn't find a 'safe' spot to end the ch. on so I ended up writing way more than I intended to for ch. 003😭+ so if you see some wonky parts... Just know i was tweaking out tryna end this ch. (Not proofread..)

The restaurant was warm, dimly lit, the kind of place that had candles on every table and soft jazz playing just loud enough to make everything feel intimate. The kind of place meant for real dates—ones that actually required effort.

And Abby had definitely put in effort.

She looked good. Black button-up, sleeves rolled just enough to show off her forearms. Relaxed, confident, completely at ease. She had insisted on picking the place, made sure the reservation was set, and even ordered a bottle of wine before you had a chance to glance at the menu.

Now, sitting across from her, glass in hand, you couldn’t help but be impressed.

“You know,” you mused, sipping the wine in your glass, “when you asked me out, I wasn’t expecting this.”

Abby smirked, taking a sip of her own drink. “Oh yeah? What were you expecting?”

You hummed, pretending to think. “I don’t know, omething more… casual. A café, maybe. Bar food. Not—” you gestured around the restaurant, “—a place that has like, five different kinds of steak on the menu.”

Abby chuckled. “What can I say? I like to go all in.”

“Clearly.” You glanced at the menu again, shaking your head. “I feel underdressed.”

“You look great,” Abby said without hesitation.

Your cheeks warmed, but you played it off, shifting your attention back to her. “So, is this your usual move? Fancy restaurants, expensive wine, charming conversation?”

Abby raised a brow. “You think I’m charming?”

You rolled your eyes, but you were smiling. “Answer the question.”

Abby leaned back in her chair, shrugging. “Honestly? I don’t do this often, dating, I mean.”

You tilted your head. “Really? Thought someone like you would have people lining up.”

Abby huffed a small laugh. “I mean, sure, I’ve been on dates. But most people assume I’m just some gym rat who only talks about protein intake and deadlifts.”

You smirked. “I was gonna ask about your max bench, but I didn’t want to scare you off.”

Abby chuckled. “Two-thirty.”

Your brows shot up. “Damn.”

She grinned. “Impressed?”

“A little,” you admitted, sipping your wine. “I can barely do a push-up.”

Abby laughed. “I can fix that.”

“I’ll pass,” you said quickly, shaking your head. “I’m more of a ‘stay in and read for fun’ kind of person.”

Abby perked up at that. “Oh yeah? What do you read?”

You hesitated, eyeing her carefully. “Promise you won’t judge?”

Abby smirked. “No promises.”

You sighed dramatically. “Philosophy.”

Abby blinked. “Like… old-ass philosophy?”

You laughed. “Yes, old-ass philosophy. Nietzsche, Camus, Sartre.”

Abby shook her head, amused. “So, while I’m lifting weights, you’re sitting around questioning the meaning of life?”

“Pretty much,” you said, grinning. “Balance, right?”

Abby chuckled, shaking her head. “That’s actually kind of cool.”

You raised a brow. “You don’t have to lie to impress me, you know.”

“I’m serious,” Abby said, leaning forward slightly. “I like that we’re different, you think about shit I never even consider. That’s kinda nice.”

You held her gaze, heart skipping a beat at the genuine look in her eyes.

You liked this, the ease of it. The way she could tease but still be sincere. The way her confidence never felt overbearing, just natural, like she was comfortable in her own skin.

And, most of all, you liked how—just for tonight—you weren’t thinking about anyone else.

The food arrived, and the conversation never lost its rhythm. The ease between you and Abby felt natural—effortless, even.

“So,” Abby mused, twirling her fork between her fingers as she watched you across the table. “Since we’re already talking about personal stuff—what’s your relationship history like?”

You huffed a small laugh, picking at your plate. “Going right for it, huh?”

Abby grinned, leaning her elbow on the table. “What? I like knowing what I’m getting into.”

You rolled your eyes playfully. “Not much to tell, really.”

Abby raised an eyebrow, unconvinced.

You sighed, setting your fork down. “I mean, I’ve dated, had a few relationships, nothing too wild. The last one was… complicated.”

Abby caught the slight hesitation in your voice. The way you glanced at your drink like you were considering whether to keep talking.

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” Abby said, voice softer now. “I don’t mind complicated.”

You exhaled, shifting in your seat. “Let’s just say… we weren’t on the same page. I wanted something real, and she—” You hesitated, then shook your head. “She didn’t.”

Abby’s expression flickered for a second, like she knew exactly what you meant.

“That sucks,” she said simply.

You let out a small, dry laugh. “Yeah, kinda does.”

Abby studied you for a moment, fingers drumming lightly against her wine glass. Then, with a smirk, she said, “For what it’s worth—I noticed you way before we talked at the café.”

Your brows lifted slightly. “Oh?”

Abby nodded, grinning. “Yeah. First day of class, you sat a couple rows in front of me. I remember thinking you were cute, but I figured you had someone waiting for you already.”

You scoffed. “What, just because I actually pay attention in class?”

Abby chuckled. “No, because you just… seemed like someone who would be taken.”

Something warm bloomed in your chest, but you kept your voice light. “Guess you were wrong.”

“Guess so,” Abby murmured, her gaze lingering on your lips for just a second before flickering back up to your eyes.

Your stomach flipped.

“You?” you asked, trying to ignore the way your pulse picked up. “What’s your dating history like?”

Abby shrugged, taking a sip of her wine. “Had a couple serious relationships. Some flings. Nothing really stuck, though. Not because I didn’t want it to, but because I never found someone worth fighting for, you know?”

You nodded, swirling your wine absentmindedly. “Yeah. I get that.”

Abby tilted her head, still watching you. “Think you’re someone worth fighting for?”

The question sent a jolt through you. Your lips parted slightly, caught off guard, but before you could answer, Abby smirked.

“I think you are,” she said, voice smooth, confident.

Your breath hitched.

Abby leaned back, slightly man-spreading on her side of the booth. Still smirking like she knew exactly what she was doing.

“Finish your wine,” she said, nodding at your glass. “I’m not done learning about you yet.”

And for the first time in a while, you wanted someone to learn.

The date had flown by. Hours melted away between laughter, lingering glances, and easy conversation that made it impossible to tell when one topic ended and the next began.

Now, the night air was cool against your skin as Abby walked you up to your dorm, hands in her pockets, her usual confidence softened by the lingering warmth of the evening.

“Alright,” she said, leaning casually against your doorframe, smirking. “Be honest—best date you’ve ever had, or best date you’ve ever had?”

You laughed, shaking your head. “Oh, so those are my only two options?”

Abby grinned. “Yup, pick wisely.”

You rolled your eyes but smiled anyway. “Okay, fine. Best date I’ve ever had.”

Abby chuckled, shaking her head as she watched you laugh, a soft grin tugging at her lips. “You know,” she mused, voice lower now, “you looked really good tonight.”

Your laughter faltered slightly, warmth creeping up your neck. “Oh?”

Abby nodded, eyes flickering over you in quiet admiration. “Yeah. I mean, you always do, but… tonight? You’re kinda killing me here.”

Your breath hitched slightly at the way she was looking at you—like you were something worth taking your time with. The space between you felt smaller now, the cool air of the dormitory hallway charged with something heavier, something unspoken.

Neither of you moved at first, but then, almost subconsciously, you both leaned in just slightly, like gravity was pulling you closer—

“Didn’t think you’d actually fall for this shit.”

Your stomach dropped.

Ellie.

You turned just in time to see her strolling down the hallway, hood up, hands stuffed into her jacket pockets. Her eyes were red-rimmed, pupils slightly blown—was she high? And worse? She looked pissed.

Abby immediately straightened, her playful expression fading into something unreadable.

Ellie scoffed, looking you over before her gaze flickered to Abby. “This is what we’re doing now? Her?”

Your jaw clenched. “Ellie—”

Oh my god.

But Ellie wasn’t looking at you anymore. She was looking at Abby, lips curling into a smirk that didn’t reach her eyes. “Damn, man. Didn’t peg you for the type to pick up rebounds.”

Abby’s expression remained cool, but there was something sharp in her eyes now. “Didn’t peg you for the type to throw a fit over your ex moving on.”

Ellie let out a low laugh, shaking her head. “You don’t know shit.”

“Yeah?” Abby challenged, crossing her arms. “I know you’re standing here, high as hell, trying to start shit because you can’t handle the fact that you fucked up and now she doesn’t want you anymore.”

Abby could practically smell the remains of a smoking session off of Ellie.

Ellie’s entire body tensed. “Shut the fuck up.”

Abby didn’t flinch. “Why? Because I’m right?”

Ellie’s hands curled into fists at her sides. “You think she actually wants you? You think she’s gonna stick around? Please.” She scoffed, shaking her head. “She’s too good for you. She’s too good for anyone.”

Abby’s expression flickered, something softer crossing her face before she squared her shoulders. “That’s what you’re mad about, huh?” She took a slow step closer. “You know she deserves better than you. You know it, and now you can’t stand the idea of someone else treating her the way you should have.”

Ellie’s jaw tightened.

“You never even tried to be what she needed,” Abby continued, voice low, unwavering. “And now that she’s with someone who actually wants her, all you can do is stand here and act like a fucking child about it.”

Ellie’s restraint snapped.

She shoved Abby hard, sending her a step back into the doorframe. “Shut the fuck up, Anderson.”

Abby barely stumbled, hands immediately coming up as she glared at Ellie. “Don’t fucking touch me.”

Ellie let out a humorless laugh. “What? Gonna fight me?”

Abby exhaled sharply through her nose, muscles tense. “I don’t fight people who are too wasted to think straight.”

Ellie smirked bitterly. “Sounds like an excuse.”

Abby rolled her eyes. “Sounds like you’re pathetic.”

That was it.

Ellie swung first.

It wasn’t a clean hit—she was too high for that—but her fist still clipped Abby’s jaw, sending her a step back.

Before you could even process what happened, Abby lunged forward, grabbing Ellie by the collar of her jacket and shoving her hard against the wall.

“Are you serious right now?” Abby growled, fists clenched in Ellie’s hoodie. “This is what you wanna do?”

Ellie’s lip curled. “Get off me.”

“You are so fucking lucky I don’t knock you out right now,” Abby muttered, shoving Ellie away roughly before stepping back, shaking out her hands like she was trying to calm herself down.

Ellie barely stumbled as Abby shoved her back, but her hands were already curling into fists again. Her heart was pounding, blood roaring in her ears, every inch of her burning with something she couldn’t name—jealousy, anger, regret.

Abby wiped at her jaw, rolling her shoulders like she was ready for more. “you done, yet?” she taunted, voice steady, unbothered.

Ellie snapped.

She threw another punch, aiming for Abby’s face, but this time, Abby dodged, catching Ellie’s wrist before twisting her arm back sharply.

“Fuck—” Ellie hissed, trying to yank herself free.

Abby didn’t let go. “You wanna act tough?” she growled. “Fine. Let’s see how tough you really are.”

Then she shoved Ellie hard, sending her staggering back into the opposite wall.

Ellie gritted her teeth, shoving herself forward, slamming her shoulder into Abby’s ribs, forcing her back against the doorframe. Abby grunted, but before she could recover, Ellie swung again, fist connecting hard with Abby’s cheek.

Abby barely flinched.

Instead, she grabbed Ellie by the collar and threw her to the ground.

“Jesus fuck!” Ellie grunted as she hit the floor, her vision swimming for a moment as she tried to land another punch on Abby’s face.

“Ellie, stop!”

Your voice barely cut through the noise.

Ellie groaned, pushing herself up, blood dripping from a fresh cut on her brow. Abby loomed over her, chest heaving, a dark bruise already blooming across her jaw.

“is this what you wanted?” Abby spat, wiping at her lip, smearing blood across the back of her hand. “You think this makes you better?”

Ellie glared up at her, breathing heavy, fists still clenched. “This is your fucking fault!” she snapped, voice hoarse. “You think you’re some fucking hero, swooping in to save her? You don’t even fucking know her!”

Abby scoffed, rolling her sore shoulder. “Right, because you did such a great job at loving her, huh? If you actually gave a shit, she wouldn’t have needed to move on!”

Ellie’s jaw clenched so tightly it ached. “Fuck you.”

“Stop it!”

Your voice cracked, and suddenly, the rage between them was cut through by something worse.

Humiliation.

Ellie’s chest was still heaving, her body buzzing with adrenaline, but when she turned to look at you—really look at you—she felt something sink deep in her stomach.

You were crying.

Right there, in the middle of the goddamn dorm hallway, your face was twisted in frustration, eyes filled with tears—not just from anger, but from something rawer.

Shame.

“This—” You took a shaky breath, pressing your fingers to your temples. “This whole thing is so fucking embarrassing.”

Abby wiped her bleeding lip, shifting uncomfortably.

Ellie swallowed hard, something sharp catching in her throat.

But the damage was done.

You didn’t say anything else. Didn’t bother to bid Abby goodbye, and definitely didn’t bother to spare another glance at Ellie.

You walked inside your dorm, slamming the door shut behind you.

Ellie wiped at the blood trickling from her brow, glaring up at Abby with nothing but spite. “Look at what you fucking did,” she spat, voice raw. “You made her cry. Nice fucking job, hero.”

Abby scoffed, shaking her head. “Me? You’re the one who started this shit because you couldn’t handle seeing her happy with someone else.” She exhaled sharply, running a hand through her hair before muttering, “Pathetic.”

Ellie clenched her jaw but didn’t argue. She just let out a bitter laugh, turned on her heel, and stalked off down the hall, shoulders tense, hands shoved deep into her pockets.

Abby stood there for a moment, rolling her aching jaw before turning towards your door.

She hesitated, guilt settling deep in her chest. Then, slowly, she raised a hand and knocked—soft, careful, like she was afraid to make things worse.

“Hey,” she said, voice lower now, more hesitant. “I know you probably don’t want to hear from me right now, but… I’m sorry. I didn’t want tonight to end like this.”

Silence.

Abby sighed, letting her head rest briefly against the doorframe before stepping back. “Just… let me know you’re okay.”

She waited a second longer.

But the door never opened.

Abby sighed, pressing her palm flat against the door for a second before knocking again, softer this time. “Come on,” she murmured. “Just open the door for a second. I just wanna make sure you’re alright.”

Abby exhaled, rubbing the back of her neck. “I’m not going anywhere until I know you’re okay.”

Silence, again.

Then, barely above a whisper, she heard you from the other side of the door.

“I’m… I’m sorry about Ellie,” you croaked, voice thick, the wet sound of phlegm caught in your throat. You sniffled, probably rubbing at your already raw eyes. “She shouldn’t have—she was just—” You cut yourself off with a shaky breath. “I’m sorry.”

Abby’s chest ached. “Hey, don’t—don’t apologize for her, okay?” Her voice was quiet, pleading. “That’s not on you.”

More silence.

Abby exhaled, pressing her forehead against the door. “Please, just open the door.”

A beat.

Then, slowly, she heard the lock click.

When the door cracked open, the sight of you knocked the wind out of her.

Your red, puffy eyes, your runny nose, the way your lips trembled as you finally met her gaze—Abby had been so caught up in the fight, in Ellie, that she hadn’t even realized how much it had all taken out of you.

But then, your eyes darted over her face, and you gasped.

“Oh my god,” you whispered, eyes wide with horror.

Abby blinked, confused for half a second before she remembered—her cheek.

She could feel the swelling now, the way the bruise was already blooming across her skin, hot and tender. The split in her bottom lip still bled, a faint coppery taste lingering in her mouth.

“Shit, Abby,” you choked out, your fingers twitching at your sides, like you wanted to reach for her but didn’t know if you should.

Abby shrugged it off, offering a weak smile. “You should see the other guy.”

You didn’t laugh.

Instead, you swallowed hard, stepping aside.

Abby didn’t hesitate. She walked in, shutting the door behind her, eyes still on you.

“Hey,” she said, voice softer now. “I’m sorry for the fight. I didn’t mean for tonight to go like that.”

You let out a shaky breath, rubbing at your arms like you were trying to hold yourself together.

Abby took a cautious step closer. “I don’t want you to regret tonight, the date.”

Your lips parted slightly, but no words came out.

So Abby did the only thing she could—she reached out, gently, brushing her fingers over your wrist, grounding you in the moment.

“I got you,” she murmured. “I promise.”

You sniffled, eyes still locked on Abby’s face, your expression shifting from exhaustion to quiet concern. “You should see a doctor,” you murmured, voice hoarse. “Or at least go to the emergency room.”

Abby let out a soft chuckle, shaking her head. “I’m fine.”

You’re not fine, Abby.” You gestured at her bruised cheek, at the split in her lip that was still bleeding. “You’re literally bleeding.”

Abby shrugged, offering a lopsided smile. “I’ve had worse.”

You stared at her, unimpressed. “That’s not reassuring.”

She sighed, running a hand through her hair. “Look, I promise, I’m okay. I just—” Her voice softened. “I didn’t come in to just make you worry about me.”

“it's too late for that,” you muttered, crossing your arms.

Abby watched as you chewed on your lip, debating something in your head before exhaling sharply. “At least let me clean you up,” you said, voice firm. “And put some ice on your face.”

Abby hesitated, but when you looked at her like that—tired, puffy-eyed, but still worrying about her—she couldn’t bring herself to say no.

“Yeah,” she murmured, voice quieter now. “Okay.”

You nodded, turning towards your kitchen to grab some tissues and a water bottle, already shifting into caretaker mode. Abby just watched you move, something tight settling in her chest.

Abby sat on the couch in your dorm’s small living room, legs spread slightly apart, hands resting on her thighs as she let you tend to her. The air between you was quiet, thick with something unspoken, but you didn’t acknowledge it. You just focused on the task at hand.

You crouched slightly in front of her, a damp tissue pressed gently to her bottom lip, wiping away the drying blood with careful, featherlight strokes. Your free hand rested on her cheek, keeping her still as you worked, fingers cool against the warmth of her bruising skin.

Abby exhaled softly, barely noticing the sting from the contact. She wasn’t thinking about the pain anymore.

She was thinking about you.

The way your brows furrowed slightly in concentration, the way your lips parted ever so slightly as you focused. The way you were touching her—gentle, careful, like she wasn’t someone who had just thrown a punch at your sour ex, nearly an hour ago.

Her gaze flickered from your hands to your lips, then back up to your eyes.

And before Abby could stop herself, she leaned in.

Her hand moved instinctively, coming up to cup your right cheek, fingers grazing your skin as she closed the space between you. Her lips met yours—soft, hesitant at first, like she was giving you the chance to pull away.

You froze, the tissue slipping from your fingers, landing soundlessly between the two of you.

For a moment, all you could do was breathe.

Then, slowly, you melted into her.

Your hands slid up, arms wrapping around her neck as you deepened the kiss, pressing closer, tilting your head just enough to match her movements.

Abby inhaled sharply against your lips, her fingers tightening ever so slightly on your cheek before sliding back, threading into your hair.

The tension of the night, the fight, the bruises, the words left unsaid—it all melted away as she kissed you like she had been waiting for this all night.

The kiss deepened, slow and unhurried, yet charged with something that neither of you had fully acknowledged before now. Abby’s hand trailed from your cheek down to your jaw, her fingertips grazing the sensitive skin there before sliding to the back of your neck, pulling you closer.

Your breath hitched, but you didn’t stop her. Instead, you shifted forward, pressing into her, your body molding against hers as your fingers curled into the fabric of her shirt. Abby groaned softly against your lips at the way you tugged her closer, her free hand resting against the small of your back, firm but not forceful, like she needed to feel all of you.

Your lips moved in sync, slow and teasing, learning each other in real-time. Abby’s mouth was warm, slightly chapped from the fight, but she kissed you like she had been thinking about it all night. Like she had been holding herself back.

You tilted your head, lips parting slightly, and Abby took the invitation immediately, deepening the kiss as her fingers tightened their grip in your hair. A quiet hum left your throat as she tugged, just enough pressure to make your pulse quicken.

Her thumb traced slow, lazy circles against your hip, and you shivered under her touch. The soft fabric of her shirt was bunched between your fingers, the scent of her skin—faint traces of sweat, expensive cologne, and something undeniably Abby—filling your senses, making your head spin.

Neither of you spoke, the only sound between you two was the soft, wet pull of lips and the occasional sharp breath as you explored, as the distance between you and Abby disappeared.

You had no idea how long you stayed like that, pressed against each other, lost in the heat of it. But when Abby finally pulled back, just slightly, her forehead resting against yours, her breathing uneven, you realized your hands were still gripping her shirt, like you didn’t want to let go.

Abby’s lips were parted, swollen from the kiss, her eyes half-lidded as she looked at you like she wanted more.

“You okay?” she murmured, voice husky, breath warm against your skin.

You nodded, swallowing thickly, trying to catch your breath.

She smiled, thumb tracing along your jaw. “Good.”

Then she leaned in again, her lips brushing against yours, slower this time—deeper, like she had no intention of stopping.

Ellie sat slouched on Dina’s couch, an ice pack pressed against her bruised eye, her jaw tight as she stared at the ceiling. Her leg bounced restlessly, her free hand fidgeting with the hem of her hoodie—anything to keep her from completely losing it.

Dina sat across from her in the armchair, arms crossed, watching her with an unreadable expression. She had let Ellie in without question, had handed her the ice pack and a beer without saying a word, but Ellie could tell her patience was wearing thin.

“So, let me get this straight,” Dina finally said, her voice slow, measured. “You fucked up, you pushed her away, you made it clear you weren’t ready for a real relationship—and now you’re pissed that someone else gave her what you wouldn’t?”

Ellie groaned, dragging a hand down her face. “It sounds so much worse when you say it like that.”

Dina raised a brow. “Oh, I’m so sorry—should I make it sound better?” Voice sarcastic.

Ellie scowled, sinking further into the couch. “It’s not just that,” she muttered. “It’s her.”

“Abby,” Dina clarified flatly.

“Yes, fucking Abby,” Ellie snapped, dropping the ice pack onto her lap. “She just—she swooped in, like it was nothing. Like I didn’t—like we didn’t—” She exhaled sharply, shaking her head. “It’s fucking unfair.”

Dina scoffed. “Unfair?” She leaned forward, elbows resting on her knees. “Ellie, what the fuck did you expect? That she was just gonna sit around waiting for you to maybe pull your head out of your ass?”

Ellie clenched her jaw, eyes burning. “I know it’s my fault, Dina,” she muttered, voice lower now, almost hoarse. “I know I fucked it up. I know I don’t get to be mad about it.” She let out a sharp, humorless laugh. “But guess what? I am mad. I’m mad that she moved on so fucking fast. I’m mad that I don’t know how to fix it. I’m mad that I want to fix it, even though I don’t know if I can.”

Dina sighed, running a hand through her hair. “Jesus, Ellie.”

Ellie swallowed hard, eyes glued to the beer bottle in her hands. “I don’t know what to do,” she admitted, voice quieter now, almost defeated. “I don’t know if she’d even hear me out at this point.”

Dina was quiet for a moment, studying her. Then she exhaled through her nose, shaking her head. “I think the real question is—do you actually want her back?”

Ellie froze.

Ellie had no answer for that.

So she just sat there, shoulders hunched, ice pack forgotten, as the weight of it all pressed down on her chest.

Ellie’s knee kept bouncing, the silence stretching between them like a wire pulled too tight. Her fingers picked at the label on her beer bottle, nails scraping against the condensation.

She hated this, hated feeling this fucking exposed.

“I don’t know,” she finally muttered, barely above a whisper.

Dina narrowed her eyes. “What?”

Ellie shifted uncomfortably, shrugging like it wasn’t a big deal. Like she wasn’t completely unraveling inside. “I don’t know,” she repeated, voice barely louder than before.

Dina leaned forward, her expression hardening. “No, no—actually say it, Ellie. Really say it, for once in your fucking life, stop acting stupid and just say it.”

Ellie swallowed, her throat dry, her pulse hammering.

“I—” She hesitated, her voice catching in her throat. “I think I do, want her back, I mean.”

Dina’s stare was unwavering. “You think?”

Ellie exhaled sharply, rubbing at her face, frustration bubbling beneath her skin. “Yes, Dina. Yes, okay? I want her back.”

Dina sat back slightly, studying her, like she was waiting to see if Ellie was actually serious this time.

Ellie’s chest felt tight. She dropped her hands, her fingers twitching against her jeans. “But,” she added quickly, voice smaller now, “I don’t know if I deserve to.”

And fuck—there it was. The ugly, real truth of it.

Dina’s face softened just slightly, but she didn’t let up. “Then what the fuck are you gonna do about it?”

Ellie didn’t have an answer for that.

Because deep down, she knew just wanting you back wasn’t enough.

Dina let out a slow, measured breath, pinching the bridge of her nose like she was trying so hard to be patient. But Ellie knew that patience was running real fucking thin.

“Okay,” Dina said, her voice low, controlled. “So you want her back, but you don’t think you deserve to. Does that about sum it up?”

Ellie shifted uncomfortably, picking at the label on her beer bottle again. “Yeah,” she muttered.

Dina slapped a hand against the coffee table, making Ellie flinch. “Then what the fuck are you gonna do about it?”

Ellie’s mouth opened, then shut.

Dina scoffed. “That’s what I thought.” She shook her head, sitting back, arms crossing over her chest. “Jesus, Ellie. You don’t get to sit here and sulk like some heartbroken little kid when you literally just told me you fucked up her date by fighting Abby outside her dorm while you were fucking high.”

Ellie winced. “Yeah,” she muttered, voice lower now.

“Yeah?” Dina snapped. “That’s all you have to say?”

Ellie stayed quiet, her face burning.

Dina let out a laugh. “You know, for someone who acts all tough and ready to fight at a moment’s notice, you are such a coward when it comes to real shit.”

Ellie scowled. “Fuck off, Dina.”

“No, I won’t,” Dina shot back. “Because I actually give a shit about you, even though you make it really fucking hard sometimes.”

Ellie exhaled sharply through her nose, gripping the beer bottle tighter.

"You want her back?” Dina pressed. “Then fucking fight for her, but not like some jealous asshole by swinging your fists because you can’t handle seeing her happy without you. Fight for her the right way. Or don’t, and actually let her move on instead of fucking up her life from a distance because you’re too much of a mess to deal with your own feelings.”

Ellie’s throat felt tight.

Dina softened—only slightly. “But you can’t just sit here and do nothing, Ellie. You owe her more than that.”

Ellie clenched her jaw, staring at the floor.

Dina exhaled, watching her for a moment longer before standing up, grabbing Ellie’s now-forgotten beer bottle off the table. “Figure your shit out,” she said quietly, walking towards the kitchen. “Before it’s too late, Ellie.”

And just like that, the pressure was off.

Or on?

© 𝙚𝙡𝙡𝙞𝙚𝙨𝙗𝙖𝙗𝙮𝙜𝙞𝙧𝙡 ─ 𝙖𝙡𝙡 𝙧𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩𝙨 𝙧𝙚𝙨𝙚𝙧𝙫𝙚𝙙. 𝙙𝙤 𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙘𝙤𝙥𝙮, 𝙩𝙧𝙖𝙣𝙨𝙡𝙖𝙩𝙚 𝙤𝙧 𝙨𝙝𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙢𝙮 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙠 𝙤𝙣 𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙢𝙚𝙙𝙞𝙖 𝙥𝙡𝙖𝙩𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙢𝙨.

author's note: i'd let abby manhandle me 🫦rrr.... did u also catch Abby's 'worth fighting for' moment🤭

TAGLIST: @liasxeatt @vahnilla @sleepingwasp @morticeras @violetszn @eriiwaii @elliesactualgirlfriend @mikellie @lovely-wisteria @idletyouruinme

COMMENT TO BE ADDED TO MY TAGLIST!!

[chappellroansdreamgirl]

ellie with a mean gf!

(prjoecting like a mf rn...)

a/n - i have been very unmotivated to write full-fleshed stuff so i'm deciding to write drabbles/headcannons for now. also THANK YOU FOR ALL THE ATTENTION ON CH.1 OF GOOD LUCK, BABE! it makes my heart smile that you guys love it so much... also😭😭...: @sweetcici11 srry that i lied and said ur fic would be out a few nights ago. i'm really trying to finish it but i don't want to rush it and it be shitty. i really want it to be enjoyable and as good as it can be. but i PROMISE you it WILL be posted... sooner or later! i also have a few more drafts to finish too, so, i hope you guys like them when they come out!!!!!

content warnings - fluff, i'm a bitch and i want to feel loved and think that someone can put up with my cuntiness😝😝 , over-usage of commas probably, i think they're low-key kind of toxic?!?!?!?! , guys i promise i'm not this bad i've just been pretty insufferable these last few days and need an outlet 😭😭 .

i wrote way more than i thought i was going to...

------------------------------------------------------------

- you both hated each other at first. ...well actually, you hated her, and she was like, "😞😞" and then got used to it after a while and started being mean back 2 u!!

- dina introduced ellie to you when you both were hanging out with her. "you guys are going to love each other🥰!" ... you didn't 🤗 !

- ellie said hi to you and all you did was look her up and down, stare at her for a few seconds and then turn your head.

- everytime ellie would (attempt to) strike up a conversation you would give an overtly enthusiastic response or just stare at her like she had two heads or just blatantly ignore her. dina is over there like, '😟😟 . can we not have one good day...' when dina would leave for short periods of time and ellie was sure that you didn't like her, she would just talk about anything to get your blood boiling, our girl lllloooovvveessss to push buttons, we know this to be true.

- it got worse yet more tolerable after that. whenever she'd see you at gatherings or parties, you'd do your damnest to stay away from/avoid her. and she'd do her damnest to get you as upset with her as possible. it always ended with not-so-playful not-so-friendly banter!

- you were talking with jesse about something on the couch, and ellie came over and DELIBERATELY, DELIBERATELY... interrupted you 🤗 ! :

you shoot daggers at her face with your eyes, your jaw set hard and your eyes narrowed.

ellie tried to feign innocence, raising a brow at you after she looked over to see your facial expressions long after she felt them.. "what are you looking at me like that for🤨🤨?" , "i was fucking talking, you're being rude." , "if i have to get used to you being a bitch, you got to do the same." , you just huffed at her response and crossed your arms before walking off a few minutes after, realizing that the conversation you were having with jesse earlier was indeed over. ellie smirked to herself, victory was her's!

- she started calling you the nickname brat out of the blue... it blindsided tf out of you. here's the origin story!:

you look at ellie with a disgusted look on your face as she exhales smoke. her glazed over eyes meet yours before she offers the joint to you, out of genuine kindness. "want a hit?" she asked, forgetting how much of a bitch you were for, like, 0.2 seconds. you glare at her for a moment longer before plastering a sarcastic smile on your face, snatching the joint from her fingertips and dropping it onto the floor. you kept her eyes on yours as you stomped and smushed it into the ground.

now she remembered.

she stood up instantaneously, she was pissed. "what the fuck?!" she shouted, earning a few looks from some friends across the room. they strained their necks for a little bit before they saw you, it made sense now, and then turned back to the conversation.

you close your eyes for a slight second as a satisfied smile graced the corners of your lips. "you know i don't smoke, ellie." you responded with in a condescendingly sweet voice.

she didn't even argue with you. "you're such a fuckin' brat." she muttered under her breath before walking away. you had to try your very best to ignore the heartbeat in your pussy. (🤗!)

- she didn't get to see how much effect that title had on you that night, but she noticed afterwards.

- one time you didn't say anything to ellie during a hangout, distracted by someone you disliked more than her. ellie kind of missed it☹️☹️ .

you were brought out of your thoughts when you felt her cold hand touch your shoulder. when you noticed it was her who was doing it, you pulled back with a furrow of her brows. ellie smiled. there she was.

"you haven't said one mean thing to me since i've gotten here. are you dying?"

you scoffed as you pointed in the direction your anger was radiating from. it was a girl ellie saw here and there in jackson, sometimes she was paired with her during patrols, she wasn't crazy about her but she paid no mind to her existence.

"what?- what does this have to do with me-"

"what it has to do with you, is that you should feel honored that i can tolerate you... can't fuckin' stand that bitch."

ellie scoffed before speaking up once more, "oh, c'mon you're being dramatic. don't be a brat."

your eyes went wide for a second and as you turned away, she could see the cheek that was facing her turn an embarrassing shade of red. she found your weakness.

- when you guys started dating, no one, and i mean NO ONE, believed it. (i don't feel like writing how u two got together maybe if y'all like this enough i'll make a full-fleshed oneshot abt it😭.)

- joel saw you guys together... like, not arguing, and HER head on YOUR shoulder... he thought he got laced with acid for a quick second there... jesse felt like he missed a couple chapters and felt very sad that he hadn't caught onto it quicker... and dina was so proud of herself, "told you, you guys would love each other 😁." she's so smug, I LOVE HER!

- she constantly has to reprimand you like you're a child when you guys are around someone you obviously don't like for whatever reason. once whoever left the room, ellie'll pinch your shoulder or your thigh, whatever skin is on display at the moment, not too hard, just to get you to wince a bit. you'll make a face at her afterwards. "ow, what the fuck was that for ellie?" , "we can talk shit when we get home, don't make a scene🙄." you stress her out sometimes...

- just bcs you guys are together DOES NOT mean your attitude has gone away.

whenever ellie and you have gotten in an argument, you're always being extra sarcastic and EXTRA BITCHY just to get on her nerves.

"baby, have you seen my gun?" she asks you, breaking the silence voluntarily as she's two minutes from being late to patrol.

you don't look up to her, you keep on looking at the pages of an old magazine. "idk ellie, did you check to see if it was shoved up your ass."

she just stands there for a second like this 🧍‍♀️ , before sighing and walking somewhere else to find it. "i'll fuckin' deal with you later." she mutters under her breath, obviously annoyed. you smirk to yourself as you flip another page.

- she does love, however, that you've gotten gentler with her since the relationship blossomed between you two. very few people (dina and ellie... sometimes jesse.) can get you to stop, and ellie is proud of herself that she could add beast-tamer to the top of her list of many skills and talents.

- sometimes she has to calm you down, sometimes all it takes is a stare in your direction. ... well, it's oftentimes a glare... you're your own woman/person and a relationship will not restrict you from showing off your talents!!!!!

- ellie has to constantly keep you from getting into arguments that could harm you physically. although your craft of bitchery is amazing, you can't fight to save your life.

she'll be pulling you back like an angry barking dog on a leash.

"i could've fucking took h-" , "you overestimate yourself a lot, baby."

[pascals-doll]

GATÚBELA

ellie williams x reader

『••✎••』 in which you go to a party to forget about your cheating ex, who would’ve thought you’d find yourself falling in love at some reggaeton function. | WC: 9.3K

🫧 THIS IS A SERIES | FOR ALL PARTS GO HERE

🫧 SERIES MASTERLIST | CH.2 HERE

🫧 with all the talk in the fandom of inclusivity and needing a plot, my ass was busy whippin up exactly that! 💋 i hope you babies enjoy genuinely since this is my first series!

🫧 karol g and baby miko is 2846% of my playlist tbh

🫧 description: MODERN AU! FUNCTION BEHAVIOR, SUGGESTIVE CONTENT ONLY! latina!reader, detailed description of reader having tan/tawny brown skin!, bff!dina, mentions of drinking and smoking, mentions of toxic relationship, mentions of reader being cheated on, READER IS NOT IDENTIFIED WITH HER SEXUALITY (SHE HIGHKEY KNOW SHE GAY THO SHE NOT DUMB), mentions twerking/yiking (lol when i said function behavior i meant it)!, cocky masculine!ellie, mention of y/n once (___), use of nick name (mama), kissing!

CHAPTER ONE

“fuck him girl, what you need is a good drink and a good dance”

your dearest bestfriend Dina says, passing you the ‘Dutch’ you rolled.

the ‘him’ in question was your now ex-boyfriend. you had walked into his home 2 nights ago.

at first, you found him on his bed, he already seemed startled to begin with which was a dead-giveaway already then the girl walking out of his restroom in your towel was enough to have you walking through that front door.

you couldn’t lie and say getting cheated on didn’t hurt. it just didn’t hurt in the way you thought it would. if anything, you had felt an undertone of overwhelming relief even with that pang of pain.

“so are we outside? or are we outside?” your bestfriend asks, actually giving you no option as she is already looking through your closet.

“how could i ever tell you no” you spoke out through the exhalation of your smoke before handing her the blunt.

“girl, we are walking farther than our waiting spot!” your half-way tipsy-self giggles out, grabbing Dina as you both lean on the staircase outside of Dina’s apartment building.

the sounds of heels clacking on the concrete through the shared tipsy giggles you both shared as the both of you begin to feel the shots of Don Julio and Fireball Dina offered as a pregame.

“uber comes in 6” Dina says, before putting her phone away inside her big black fur coat that temporarily covered her matching black two-peice.

it was a corset top that hugged her breasts perfectly with the matching flared leggings that had cut-outs on her thick hips, finishing it off with white heels.

“enough time for a smoke” you smirk out which Dina returned before beginning to dig in your mini white purse.

you were wearing a skin-tight halter white dress sparkled with light gold gems that brought out the natural bronze of your skin, hugging all your curves perfectly, exposing your tattoos that sprinkled around your arms, and your thick gold hoops that had ‘CHULA’ written through.

once you had what was left of the blunt from earlier in between your lips, you began to pull out your light from in your long dark-brown leather coat that was complimeted by your dark brown heeled-boots.

༺ ♱ ༻ ༺ ♱ ༻ ༺ ♱ ༻ ༺ ♱ ༻

flashing lights of green, red, and blue fading into each other through each flash as you both make your way through the house-party; music from the loud speakers ringing through the both of your ears.

the body heat from all the dancing sweaty bodies engulfing the blaring atmosphere as you pushed through different to people to find your way to the drink station.

“what can i get you ladies, tonight” the server says, mixer in his hand as he was mid-way of making this woman’s mojito.

Dina, of course using all her little flirtatious tricks to rouse free drinks out of him.

you both walk away with accomplished smiles, your pure lime Daiquiri in hand and cherry Mojito in Dina’s.

Dina was also able to convince the server to take care both of your coats, everything that was in your coats now being in your purse’s. he hung your jackets on these hooks right next to where the kitchen begins and home-bar ends.

“may we get swept off our feet by a hot duo!” Dina cheers out, putting her glass in the air.

“amen sista’!” you clink your glasses together before walking off into the sweaty-crowded dance floor.

♫₊˚.🎧 now playing: gatúbela

↻ ◁ || ▷ ↺

the loud speaker boomed the slight beats, immediately feeling each of the beats go through your body as you feel yourself get hyped to one of your favorite songs begin to play; knowing the drop is gonna come.

it felt like it was destined as you hit the dance floor. immediately grabbing Dina’s hand where she knew exactly what her dance-crazed friend was gonna do with the little liquor in her system; aka you.

you felt the need to make it to the middle of the dance floor before song actually began.

you heard the lyrics engulfing your ear, the drank being the only thing to influence you and your body right now.

Dina automatically taking your free hand, putting it up in the air as your bodies began to whine together to the beat.

both your hips matching each beat smoothly as y’all began to pull people’s attention from around the room.

“estaba loca por casarte, haćertelo rico yo! ojalá puedà quedarte” you and dina began to sing, your bodies beginning to gyrate swiftly towards each other; completely lost in the atmosphere, liquor, and music.

the upbeat rhythm of the reggaeton beat boomed only making your sexy rhythm on Dina faster.

༺ ♱ ༻ ༺ ♱ ༻ ༺ ♱ ༻ ༺ ♱ ༻

Ellie wasn’t much for the party scene, she liked the occasional harmless flirting and eye candy to be as a entertainment for her as she smoked her way through the party, only taking a couple shots with Jesse.

Jesse had a friend, Gustavo. he was going to be dj-ing at some house party tonight and when it came down to Jesse, no was not an option to Ellie.

anyways, thats how Ellie ended up in the humid party, standing where she was now; watching all surf-wave of crowded bodies getting down.

she stood there, joint in her hand as her cropped white muscle-tee hugged her chest and exposed her toned abdomen.

she had on jeans, bagging them so her nike pro boxer-lining to peek out.

there was lots of beautiful women at this party, but she was almost falling asleep as Jesse was already flirting with a second girl.

just as she brought the joint to her lips, there you were.

ellie could only spot your silhouette at first.

your shadow was revealed shortly, glowing under the bright dance-floor lighting.

it seemed like Ellie wasn’t the only one you were able to captivate, almost enchanting the whole room.

it was now, you and Dina who were killing it on that dance floor.

random strangers hyping the both of you as some even attempt to get closer to try to dance with the both of you.

it was everything about you that captured her completely. the way your hair moved along with your golden earrings shining with every movement of your body and your tawny skin glistening.

she observed the way you danced and to be frank the way your dress hugged those beautiful curves of yours.

Ellie was salivating at the mouth, you were like a flash-photo moment that would be forever engraved into her membrane.

Jesse had came back with two shots of tequila, she immediately grabbed her shot. not wasting time, ellie needed to get to that dance floor before the end of this fucking song.

“white dress and black dress. spotlight. white dress is mine.” ellie points out quickly, downing the shot and handing the joint to Jesse.

ellie practically flew down those stairs.

༺ ♱ ༻ ༺ ♱ ༻ ༺ ♱ ༻ ༺ ♱ ༻

you continued to gyrate your hips sensually.

Dinas hand’s running up’n’down your body as you did the same, both feeling hot under the spell of the music.

you took a couple steps back as your perreo got more confident, slight cheers from women and men ogling the both of you as they try to get closer.

Esto e' una foto porque yo no 'toy pintá

Ya 'toy elevada, me siento gatúbela

Y ese huerfanito necesita una mamá

🫧

you accidentally felt your ass bump up against someone.

“im so sorry!” you yelled over the music, you felt relief once you seen it was a woman, frankly dreading it to be a male.

she was gorgeous in such a different way; she wasn’t a feminine woman and she looked better than any actual man youve ever seen or been with, especially dressed the way she was.

“go head’ mama” was all the fine woman said, signaling that she wanted you to dance; no. throw it on her.

she grabbed the hand that had been on her shoulder as a small friendly gesture to quickly hold it to spin you around.

you were picky if you danced with someone, but boy, you were about to give this girl a show.

🫧

Ay, qué rico!

Cuando me pone el panty de ladito

¡Ay, qué rico!

Ese besito dámelo abajito

each lyric of each beat of that verse was grind and a twerk from your ass on her crotch as her hips rocked into you; it was definitely the alcohol that made ellie this bold.

she followed your rhythm and one hand set on your waist softly as you balanced yourself with your hands on your knees.

she took the free hand that she used to run through her hair, contemplating how she can handle all that, to bring it down to hold your dress down from riding up.

Ay, bendito!

En cuatro yo te pongo rapidito

Mmm, bendito

No me coma' tan rico, papacito

🫧

‘thank god for Jesse and that tequila shot’

the little voice in ellies head thought before quickly vanishing, the only thing on ellie was how fucking horny you made her because of how unbelievably sexy you were.

the small gesture just made you feel secure, only making you pushed your ass into her completely at this point.

the slight tipped over stance you had was now turned into fully bent over as she was practically dry-fucking your shaking ass in-front of the crowd.

Ellie looked around the crowded room, men looked at with her with envy as some women looked at you with hatred which only fueled her ego completely.

she bit her lip as she felt the cockiest smirk smear across her face as she lifted her leg and began to grinding into your ass in complete dog-like motion.

the little bit of friction between the small of your panty brushing across the hard of her zipper which only made your stomach bubble wantingly.

the room might’ve been filled with people and blaring lights but Ellie swore you were the only person in this entire place.

everyone who surrounding the both of you completely fading into a black abyss. it was only the two of you.

the only thing in the moment right now that mattered was this sun-kissed beauty she was dancing with.

there was no way in hell this was the weed or the alcohol.

she wished she could stay here for the rest of her life, not even the fact that you were dancing on her; but the fact it was just you.

your grinds got slower and slower which seemed to bring ellie back down to earth.

the song was ending but this couldn’t.

you thought you would have to pull yourself off and watch as she walked away from you after getting what she wanted, what you thought she wanted.

the auburn hair woman offered you her hand to walk you away from the crowd after you bent yourself back up.

her demeanor felt as sharp as a knife yet her eyes gleamed so gently at you.

ellie’s heart was pounding, her heartbeat drowning out her own sound of the music.

“my-my name’s Ellie!” the woman leaned in slightly so you could hear her over her own heartbeat mixed with the booming music.

you could see her hazel eyes were hooded although they still managed to shine through, mostly cause of the mixture of weed and alcohol.

you had gone nervous under her gaze, the unfamiliar feeling making you a bit uncomfortable but yet she made you comfortable.

you let a nervous smile creep onto your face “nice to meet you Ellie!, my name is ___”

you hated how you had to shout over the music then getting pushed slightly getting pushed by different people as they surround another couple.

you whipped your head, stepping your feet closer to the circle to be nosy and see who it was.

‘shit! where’s Dina?’ you thought.

Ellie noticed how your attention got pulled away to the new crowd of people, sharing your focus. the dance light once again blares down onto the dancing couple.

“Dina!?”

“Oh my god! Jesse!”

the both of you looked at each other.

Ellie found this slightly funny as she couldn’t believe Jesse did the exact same thing.

you share the laugh she had slightly let out before hyping up your bestfriend as she really got into it.

“im guessing you two are bestfriends?” you lean into her ear to question.

Ellie felt your hot breath graze her ear which caused the invisible blimps of her skin to chill-up.

“yeah, i would ask you the same but i already know.” Ellie slys out, looking down at you with a growing want that glints through her pupils.

“excuse me?” you joked out, you were caught slightly off-gaurd.

“you smoke?!” Ellie practically had to shout over the cheering of Dina and Jesse’s very own yiking session.

you gave her a nod which ellie returned with a lick of her lips and signal to the door from her head.

༺ ♱ ༻ ༺ ♱ ༻ ༺ ♱ ༻ ༺ ♱ ༻

there was a lot of people outside that actually had the same idea as you two.

you looked around, stumbling slightly on your feet as you weren’t your most sober.

“could i help you? im guessing you’re a bit drunk” Ellie hands go out to catch you incase you were to loose your balance.

“aren’t you so sweet to the girl who just twerked on you. im s’sorry by the-” you slurr out the slightest bit.

ellie shook her head with a smirk of disbelief written all over her face, turning one arm to you slightly to intertwine with.

you gladly accepted her arm “what?” you question as she began to walk you always from the house party. although you were intoxicated you were never so smitten with someone like this.

“nothing to be sorry about here” ellie said, looking up at you as she pulled out a small black cylinder tube from her pocket.

the way her eyes looked at you as the streelights reflected them made your heart race like a pre-teen with their first crush.

you watched through your own droopy eyes her take the joint from the tube in between her lips “you gotta lighter?” she snaps you out of your daze, you had been staring longer than you thought.

“uh-yes! i actually have a whole other blunt in here?” you reply, questioning yourself at the end as you dig in your purse.

it ignited a laugh from Ellie which for some reason echoed through your ears straight to your heart “here ya’go” you hand her your lighter.

she knew you were different, there was no other woman like you. Ellie couldn’t compare even if she tried.

this drove her even more crazy, remembering how women wished they were you in a matter of seconds.

she frankly found it attractive how you handed her a gold-plated lighter, it was fancy too; being one you had to refill.

you could’ve handed her a regular BIC lighter but you didn’t just cause you didn’t have one. you weren’t simple, she knew that off the bat and it yearned for ellie to know more.

“i really like your lighter….’our lady’ ” Ellie compliments, reading the engraved lettering.

she ran her thumb ran over the small painted Virgencita.

she felt her heart swoon even more. she could feel her mind race along with her heart; dying with anticipation.

the anticipation to completely dive herself into your life, create her own little space right next to you, your life. she already wanted to take you home with her and have breakfast in bed.

she wanted to get with you right now and just call you yours.

your energy invisibly mixing with hers creating an unconscious spiritual tug on each other’s hearts.

“thank you—aye!, gotta be protected even as you smoke.” you pointed at her, looking at her playfully serious.

“is that so? i think you’re gonna need to tell me more.” ellie puffed out with a smirk, handing you the joint.

she could feel you grow nervous under your hazy-self which only made her persuasion flourish.

you felt the piney-terpenes fog your brain quicker and create an inner warmth for the skeleton of your body as you inhale the rough smoke with ease.

you grew hot under her gaze not knowing if it was your body flushing or the mix of drugs for the the night.

“so tell me, did you plot on me?” you bluntly ask, passing the joint.

the weed diminishing whatever of was left of your cautious- veil; feeling yourself fall vulnerable with the stranger.

“i wouldn’t necessarily say plot. i had seen a beautiful woman and i just needed to dance with her.”

ellie’s voice echoed through your ears causing goosebumps on your skin. you were acting like you had never been flirted with before and it was embarrassing.

you straighten yourself up, digging in your purse to get your phone. you weren’t trying to disregard her compliment but you also came to your senses.

but to ellie, it sure felt like you did.

you unlocked your phone.

12:05 AM

it was just past midnight and as nice as this was….

you shook your head trying to recollect in your mind what to say “uhm-im sorry—you’re really nice—err, we should check on our friends.” you stammered across your words, biting your lip as you felt bad.

Ellie agreed as her mind began to race.

are you not gay?

had she been delusional?

did she read this all the wrong way?

she felt like an idiot as she handed you the joint. she felt your hand shiver as your fingertip grazed her knuckles.

you both began to walk off into the party, leaving the both tension-filled.

the both of you pushed through, ellie staying hot on your heels to not loose you within the surf of people.

༺ ♱ ༻ ༺ ♱ ༻ ༺ ♱ ༻ ༺ ♱ ༻

it didn’t take you long to find your brunette bestfriend with her large fur coat back on as she seemed enthralled with Jesse at the bar, sat on the stool with her on his lap.

you both approached them and they soon look your direction with big drunk smiles “Ellie! ma’girl of the night!” Jesse drunkily exclaims, taking his hand out in dap-up motion.

ellie didn’t seem so confident and assured this time as she approached him with a slight smile and seemed to put any emphasis into their gesture; you picked up on this.

now it was you that bombarded yourself with questions.

have you made a complete total fool of yourself?

did she think i didn’t like it?

how could you pratically dry fuck the girl and then shut her down like that?

does she think i shut her down?

you didn’t know what to think or what you were even thinking, i mean…did you like her? it was obvious she wasn’t straight and well you….honestly was never quite sure.

you knew you felt like shit now, she had been giving you all her energy.

you were too busy in your head to even listen.

“Ya heard that, girl? that ass got her in-love” Dina teased out, looking in-between you and ellie as her eyebrows wiggle.

you heard ellie scoff as she scratched the back of her neck, she continued to look at her feet.

you grabbed your coat which you knew Dina must have brought back, sliding in through both of your arms before your heels clicked closer to Ellie’s side.

“is that so? i think you’re gonna need to tell me more.”

you felt yourself bubble up confidently, it was your turn to smirk as you spoke.

ellie immediately whipped her head up as you stole her line from earlier.

it was visible Ellie flushed as crimson creeped onto her cheeks “what would you like to drink? it’s only fair since you took me for a sesh.” you offer, your arm interlinking with her mimicking the exact same actions except you were the instigator this time.

now ellie felt like a deer in headlights, caught off guard slightly. she didn’t except you to reciprocate the same confidence.

you both sat on the chairs next to Jesse and Dina.

“what could i get you two?” the bartender ask “i’ll be having a Michelada and hottie right here will have…" you say, making eye contact once you called her a ‘hottie’.

you could see ellie’s tongue poke through her cheek, trying to bite back amusement.

ellie swore you were going to make her heart explode with how fast it had been beating for the past hour.

“water with lime, thank you.” ellie replies, not even looking at the bartender when she said thank you. only you in her peripheral.

you were in utter perfect view for her, she could take in every feature and detail of your body.

the black wing-liner illuminating the natural shine of your gaze as your lips were complimented by a faded brown outline that blended in perfectly each time you smiled.

“so, is it my ass or me you fell in love with?”

“in love a strong word, mama” she quirked back.

that little nickname shot right through your ears straight to your stomach, fluttering it at the recollection.

you giggled and god, ellie didn’t think someone’s laugh could be so infectious.

“they were right though” ellie bit her lip slightly, not really wanting to look up at you as she referes to what Jesse and Dina said earlier.

she didn’t realize you were too in your head to pay attention.

“and what’s that exactly?”

“you really into repeating things, huh?” Ellie jokes out which you playfully roll your eyes too.

“wouldn’t you like to know…” your tone was suggestive as you leaned into her.

you weren’t quite sure what you were doing but it almost all felt natural now like you were meant to be; here, doing this, with her.

ellie thought she was delusional, hearing things and seeing things.

“i don’t dance—not like that, but you—whew…i wasn’t lying outside. im lucky it got to be you” ellie continues to insuinate teasingly, completely dazed under the bright light orange lighting illuminating from the bar-lights.

your makeup was almost cat-like making your eyes almost seem black by the dark eyeliner that tranced along your eyes.

you even had tattoos that speckled across your arms, she knew you had more and oh to explore those….

ellie was able to finally take in your jewelry, you had your very own name-plated gold necklace that dazzled amongst your natural russet-glow.

you were fiddling with one of your gold hoops which she observed as she read CHULA going through the earring.

ellie was shamelessly eye-fucking you, she knew it wasn’t appropriate.

it had only hit midnight and this green-eyed beauty was ready to get her car keys and tuck you into her bed, she could care less about anything let alone anyone as she lost herself in you.

she didn’t even realized but ellie had been unconsciously leaning into you, feeling the warmth of your aroma.

just like that, the drinks were being slid infront of you.

you would say you sipped your michi once you got it, but liquid courage amirite?

“how many women have you used that on, hm?” you play it off, feeling yourself become overwhelmed by the hedonistic feelings she urged from your heart.

it was unfamiliar to you, she was a woman and she’s the first to challenge you.

ellie’s expression furrowed as she raises the glass to her face.

your bold and catty personality intimidated men. you couldn’t remember the last time you grew nervous under male attention.

yet here you were, using your all to keep a cool composure with this woman.

she intimidated you. you didn’t like it, yet it was something you would now yearn for like a new drug.

“my first and i hope my last.”

ellie’s voice was above a meer whisper but you heard her loud and clear as your faces were just inches away from each other.

your tense auras begged to kiss, it seemed destined, almost too natural.

your eyes jumped in between her dulcet green eyes and her plumped lips.

it took everything in ellie not crash her lips onto yours, she didn’t want to scare you off.

it was almost like she knew something was up.

yet, you still inched closer.

you let the energies talk to each other almost, your central-egos almost fighting to accept but it was too insatiable.

your lips connect ever so softly. they fell so perfectly into each other, connecting like two magnets.

ellie could sense your hesitation which confused her but she tried her best to ease you by her kisses being peck-like.

ellie’s lips were so soft, it felt like you were kissing a cloud almost.

it felt like your lips had already been connected for centuries, familarized with the shape and movement.

the perfect sync was created between your kiss, you felt yourself fall into her as all your weary thoughts dwindle away.

you had suddenly forgetten why you were so hesitant.

you forgot why you were embarrassed earlier.

you forgot about the stressful morning you had with handling break-up messages.

hell, you had forgotten about him.

she completely belittled the memory of ever getting cheated on, as if it never happened.

by now, your faces were flushed together lips moving in quick hot-sync; far gone from the small little pecks now.

ellie could taste your lip-gloss.

was that watermelon flavor? oh my god…

you could feel ellie’s lip slightly quiver as she tried to get more access to your mouth, wanting to explore it more with tongue.

you give in easily as her steady warm-breathing through her nostrils were enough to make your body fuzzed up.

you wished to her closer to you, craving more of the bliss she brought you.

it was almost like ellie could sense you, she could feel and see each and every thought you had.

if that was the case, you would’ve scared the poor girl off by now.

she leaned closer into the kiss, her tongue lightly swiping at the bottom of your lip to pick up more of your flavored-gloss.

ellie’s hand rested on your lower knee, her thumb caressing figures onto your skin.

your breathing was staggered as you struggled to continue to kiss her, making yourself almost forceful as you try to continue.

it was almost too easy.

she made you too easy.

something a man could never conquer out of you.

you found yourself having to end up paying at the end of the night due to you leaving your brainless date there.

yet, everything that she oozed of attracted you like a fly to a lightbulb.

then everything stopped, almost like a vinyl abruptly screeching-stop on a record player.

she had pulled away from you, she looked a bit concerned “you okay?” ellie tried looking in your eyes for any sign of discomfort.

you were sure a slight flushed out hue was evident on your face as a mix of embarrassment and heat from the kiss.

jesus, can you get anymore embarrassing

you mentally scolded—you wish you could bitch-slap yourself right now.

you turned your stool back to your drink on the table, not looking at ellie but your glass.

a pool of water ringed around under the glass after you both left your drinks to let the ice-cubes melt in.

you fiddled with your straw as you drank from your glass “ya’ never make a woman breatheless before?” you tried to play coy.

you squinted at her playfully as you sipped “you could have anyone here and you know if.” she bit her lip, sneering out.

you were taken aback at by her gruffness, you didn’t deny the fact as you opened your mouth to respond—

“EVERYONE GO THE FUCK HOME! THE POLICE IS ON THERE WAY! GO THE FUCK HOME, THE CLUB, I DONT CARE! JUST GET THE FUCK OUT MY HOUSE! THANK YOU EVERYBODY HAVE A BLESSED NIGHT!” (random party host dude)

crowds began to scatter as the music abruptly stops, shrieks from some people rang through the building. it was almost a natural instinct grabbing ellie’s hand.

“we took an uber here!” you heard Dina explain as you ran up to her.

“Ellie drove, we’ll drop you off! we need to leave now!” Jesse shouts, pointing to the balcony that was slid wide open by others that ran out.

you stayed close to Dina as she held onto Jesse and you held onto ellie.

༺ ♱ ༻ ༺ ♱ ༻ ༺ ♱ ༻ ༺ ♱ ༻

the way the four of you ran together off into ellie’s car.

Ellie driving away while your in the passenger as Dina and Jesse make-out in the back.

you watching the police cars speed past you, unknowing that you were ever at that party.

Ellie’s eyes bounced in between her view and her car mirror; you had folded down to reapply your lip combo not too long ago.

she would steal glances at you, meeting your eyes occasionally.

the way your eyes sparkled as you grew shy that she caught you staring at her drive.

it was all canon, planned by divine timing.

so you could imagine how disheartening it was when ellie arrived to not yours, but Dina’s address.

Jesse and Dina stepped out first, it was almost like they wanted to give you a moment alone.

there was a moment of silence between the two of you as your eyes burned into each other.

you both wanted to soak in this cloud y’all created.

“give me your phone.” you beamed out, glow illuminating through her windscreen from Dina’s apartment lights.

you took one last good look at Ellie.

you took in the way her freckles sprinkled across her face, her pink lips pursed, and her skin glistened through by the light.

ellie gave you a loopy grin which made you giggle.

you began to tap away on her phone, creating your contact.

gatúbela 💋

111-222-33444

you opened her camera, turning the flash on. you straighten your posture before doing a quick wink as the picture snapped.

Ellie’s eyes just gawked into you, a lip tugged between her teeth.

you knew exactly who you were and Ellie couldnt wait to fucking find out.

“you give your number out to just anyone?” ellie teases, playing questionaire like you; earlier in party.

“you’re the first i give my real one too!” you giggled out which caused ellie to laugh along with you.

“im actually very flattered, mama” the nickname seemed too natural now, it was officially reserved for you and ellie didn’t even know.

now it was you biting your lip, stopping from smiling like an idiot at the epithet she referred to you as before.

she smirked as she looked down at the contact, the name of the song that was playing when you both were dancing.

you unlooped your mini-purse from around your arm, digging in it.

“here, so you don’t forget about me”

you put your chocolate lipliner in her cupholder.

just like that, you were exiting her car as Jesse took the passenger seat you were once sat in.

you walked off into the midnight, entering through dark apartment building.

ellie spent the rest of her night replaying every moment of you like her favorite movie.

ellie couldn’t forget you, not after tonight.

she is going to see you again, she would make sure of it.

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[64reprieve]

masterlist ch.1

cw: mentions of self-harm ideation, meanish!ellie, loser!ellie, miscommunication, disassociation, mentions of trauma, alluding to internalized homophobia, oc is a mess and a little dramatic, compulsory heterosexuality, mentions of blasphemy, slight angst wc: 1.7k a/n: first chapter of my new fic. haven't formally written a story in a while so i'm a bit nervous about this. it's a little short but i didn't want to overwhelm the character introductions. all feedback helps! taglist: @user01o2kd @liasxeatt @wa-awa-awa @layalisthings free palestine

chapter 1: two moonshiners on the cusp of a breath

[Dorms, Boston University in Boston, MA, 3:37pm, Move-in, Ellie’s Journal Entry]

Flew back to Boston last week. Tess has been hovering since she picked me up from the airport but she hasn’t bugged me about not picking up Joel’s calls. I won’t see Dina until after she gets back from Jesse’s parents. Her side of the room’s already put together. I’ve made my bed if that’s anything. Dina said to leave the door open so I could meet people during move in but I don’t really care about talking to strangers and I didn’t transfer here to make friends.

[Dorms, Boston University in Boston, MA, 7:25pm, Move-in, Ellie’s Journal Entry]

Unpacked half of the boxes I brought. I want to put up this picture of Riley but I don’t want Dina to think it means I’m getting bad again and I don’t want to talk about her. She came back to the door locked because I forgot to keep track of the fucking time and now she’s having me go to some bar with her and Jesse’s friends so I don’t spend my first day here holed up.

[Bar, Cask ‘n Flagon in Boston, MA, 8:24pm, Group Dinner]

Eden tucks her face into her elbow as she coughs, earning a glance from Abby. She’s been under the weather for two weeks and thinks it’s starting to worry her roommate.

“Who are we waiting on?" She asks with a gravelly voice, clearing her throat. 

Abby shrugs, scrolling on her phone and briefly scanning the bar for any sign of her friends as she replies, “Dina and her boyfriend.” 

Eden nods and coughs into her arm again. Abby sighs, placing her phone face down on the table. 

“Do you have COVID again?” She asks, blankly.

Eden shakes her head in response, eyebrows pinched together. She pauses to sip her pink thermos when Abby probes another question, “Are you pregnant?” 

She scoffs, polished fingers flicking Abby’s muscular arm earning her a playful hiss. She’s confident she’s not pregnant–unless it’s the second coming of Christ. 

“No! I’m not pregnant,” She argues, brows easing, “I just have a cough and that’s not even a symptom.”  

Abby raises a hand in mock surrender, lips quirking in amusement, “I’m narrowing it down. Kidding, I know your boy toy doesn’t have it in him.” 

Abby’s mention of Erik earns a half-hearted frown. Erik, a family friend of Eden’s turned potential suitor by the pressures of her ever-so-attentive parents. She doesn’t even like love him, no, but he adores her–dotes on her which is enough for Eden to work with. The furthest they’ve gone was holding hands for half a date while walking through a park. It’s ingrained in her memory but how could she forget? His hands were so clammy. 

She palms at her denim-clad knee in a subconscious effort to reassure herself. Of what–she doesn’t know.

“Did Dina say when she’d get here?” Eden asks, shifting the subject to something that doesn’t make her skin itch.

Abby’s back on her phone, scrolling through what looks like a medical TikTok page and landing on a video of– something on some part of the human body being removed. How is that even allowed?

She mumbles a reply, “Like ten minutes ago.”

The bar is teeming despite it being a Wednesday. The brick walls combined with the mass of screens playing some variation of a sport and the smell of beer lingering in the air. Eden nods and tries not to dwell on how she’d rather be elsewhere. Preferably in her and Abby’s shared dorm, laying in bed with the lights off and Abby’s white noise machine playing a little too loud. She promised she’d make an effort to be more social this term and this is her first attempt. It’d be embarrassing to mess up. 

The squeak of a chair being pulled out from across the table cuts her anxious thoughts short. Dina’s sitting down with a sheepish smile, her black ponytail swaying softly as Jesse joins beside her.

“Sorry, we ran a little later than I thought.” She apologizes. 

Jesse stretches his arms above his head with a relaxed smile, humming out a quip, “Yeah– my nails wouldn’t dry.” Abby laughs in return, flipping him off.

Eden’s lips part to reassure Dina, when the chair beside her sharply scratches against the tiled floor, silencing her. She’s convinced a stranger’s decided to join them until Dina clears her throat, hand flicking toward the auburn-haired girl as she explains, “Guys, meet Ellie. Ellie, this is Abby and Eden.” 

Ellie spares the two a curt nod to which Abby smiles. Eden’s not as impressed, her nerves getting the best of her as she stares for longer than socially acceptable. Ellie stares back, expression blank. She’s unsure of the obscure weight that suddenly builds in her stomach. It’s not something she’s felt before meeting someone new, but Eden wants to be polite–she’s going to be polite. 

The girl is beautiful in a way she’s not used to. Short, choppy strands akin to a mullet. Freckles pepper every inch of the girl’s skin and the green of her eyes reminds Eden of a summer she’d spent in Oregon– are those tattoos? Ellie breaks eye contact first, turning her head wordlessly. Eden follows suit to behave, tracing the dip of her nose until the skin blends into the curve of her lips in her peripheral view. The girl smells of fresh laundry and mint. Should I cut my hair like that? No– her parents would probably kill her. At the very least, they’d pull her from school. She wouldn’t want to prove them right and then be subjected to a lecture on how college is the devil’s playground. 

She coughs into her arm again then breathes in shakily, rattling with mucus and lips curling into a small smile as her hands sink into her lap– unsure of where to put them. 

She directs her attention to Dina instead, "Your new roommate?"

Dina nods, intertwining her hand with Jesse's on the table. Eden ponders the idea of his being as clammy as Erik’s. Maybe it’s a guy thing. She wonders if Dina enjoys touching him or if she does it out of formality.

"Yes and no. She just moved back, but she's spent every summer here with us," Dina flicks her head toward Jesse who's staring at her–immersed in her existence. Is that what she and Erik look like? "Ellie's mom lives next door to his."

Abby hums, sipping her water as she comments, "Cute," She sets the cup down, curious, "So is this your first year or are you a transfer?"

Ellie’s leaning forward and looking past– overlooking Eden. The weight in her stomach sinks further at the action. It reaches her throat, prickling her insides like a rare disease making her tense and speculate if everyone at the table can read her. Did she eat something bad before coming here?

Eden pushes her thoughts to wade in calmer water as she struggles to bury the ripple of Ellie’s voice, “Transfer. I–uh, went to UW in Wyoming.”

It’s soft, raspy, and slow. Fitted to her appearance like divine coincidence in a way that makes Eden’s mouth sticky. She pulls the collar of her sweater over her nose, muffling another cough into the fabric.

Abby nods, pushing her tongue against her cheek teasingly, “Was the program shit there?” 

Eden notes how Ellie’s veined hand twitches atop the wood table at Abby’s simple inquiry. “Something like that.” She mumbles. 

For a moment, Dina watches Ellie as if she’ll break. If Abby notices, she doesn’t say anything, accepting the topic’s end with another nod. Eden’s not as indifferent. The silence at the table makes her want to pick at Ellie’s brain until the hours bleed into days despite having just met her. She wants to know if something happened in Wyoming. She wonders if the sickness that’s plagued her these past couple of weeks is some form of a brain-eating amoeba. She’ll check WebMD later, but for now, she’ll settle with being impolite.

She doesn’t know why she says it– why she couldn’t let someone else steer the conversation into something more palatable. She’s never been skilled at reading a room, but even this she could feel.

“Bad enough to run away?” She asks, quietly.

Her words held no malice or intent, yet Ellie’s lips pressed into a subtle, tight line, and worse of it all– it was directed at her. The girl squints briefly, resembling agitation and Eden worries she’ll be yelled at any second for doing something wrong. She’s suddenly ten again, hiding behind a sheer curtain and clawing into the fabric with her nails, secretly willing it to rip through and pierce her skin while awaiting the blow.

Instead, Ellie drops her gaze and turns away from her. “It’s alright.” She imparts.

Her shortness is just as damaging. Eden realizes the pressure in her stomach has festered into an ache. She wants Ellie to like her, and she doesn’t know why. She knows she’s done something wrong again because her ears ring like a flatline and she wishes she was. 

The waitress returns as a savior and a bucket of cold water. Dinner isn't tense, thanks to her non-socially inept friends and she doesn’t attempt another effort to guide the conversation, humiliation fresh. Ellie orders chicken tenders with fries to pick at them and scrunches her nose when Jesse’s coffee is poured. Eden is half intrigued, half nauseous at the other's presence. She rode The Zipper at the fair with a friend last summer– the same tempestuous swirl in her gut.

She waits for the three to part before she slides off her stool, heart in her stomach. It must show on her face because Abby tosses a twenty on the warm receipt, looking at Eden tiredly. “Done for the night?”

Eden forces out a breath, nodding promptly. “Please.”

[Dorms, Boston University in Boston, MA, 10:36pm, Ellie’s Journal Entry]

I met Dina’s friends. And I tried to be nice the entire time for her and Jesse. They were nice. The girl next to me coughed more than she spoke. She wore converse too except they weren’t fucked up. I hope she got me sick. I don’t want to do anything. I texted Joel back. The chicken tastes like shit at Cask n’ Falgon(?)

comment/reblog for taglist! likes and reblogs appreciated!

[vamp0rivm]

✧ the first thing that i do before i get into your house,

i’m gonna tear off all the petals from the rose

that’s in your mouth ✧

SUMMARY: (an ode to victoria legrand)

Back to the old place - down by the sea. Her greed for fame, the sound of her guitar strokes reverberating within the ears of the masses. You cannot compete. Watch her erode just to get there from a distance. She’s scraping at the floor desperately. You are an afterthought to the lover you want to consume wholly. It’s not just love to you, it’s beyond it: beyond any words or descriptions. But you watched her walk away all that time ago, and you’re still standing on your own two feet. Two years pass and a flash of those auburn locks rustling in the icy gusts of sea breeze draws you slowly back to that state you finally managed to be free of. This time, you trust that you can live without it. The swarms of changes within both you and Ellie are testaments to the passage of time. That state is an echo, a vision, and its truth is nonexistent. You were made to believe that.

ch.1:

⎈ a prologue of sorts - you and ellie will never be the same. the words you exchange are so deep seated and visceral, an accumulation of all the hurt. hers are telling; the love she gives is nothing like yours, nowhere near as intense, nowhere near as desperate. she’s closed off to you, and she may never be open again. she’s leaving town before it is even given a proper ending, to go on tour now that her music career is taking off. this is the end. at least for a few years.

ch.2:

⎈ two years later, ellie’s back in jackson. from what you’ve heard, she’s not exactly been doing great either.

ch.3:

⎈ ellie finally has that talk with dina, and the two of you bump into each other at a party

ch.4:

⎈ after the party, there’s tension between you and ellie, feelings rekindling. when she asks you for help taking buddy to the vet, the feelings only strengthen.

ch.5:

⎈ tba

PLAYLIST: lemme put you on 😜

[justagalwhowrites]

Yearling - Ch. 30: Blood

Joel and Tommy run into trouble on patrol. A continuation of Yearling ch. 1-29 found on Tumblr here.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings: Canon-typical violence. Plot points from TLOU2. No use of Y/N. Minors DNI 18+ Only 

Length: 7.5k

A/N: Hi y’all, I’m stashing this whole chapter below a jump because it’s been brought to my attention that the major event of this chapter is less common knowledge and more of a spoiler than I really realized it was. There is a major plot point for TLOU2 below. I’m sorry I didn’t tag the whole fic that way (going back to update that now) and I apologize if this spoiled things for people who were trying to go in blind. This is the first chapter with any big overlap and if you want to bow out now, I totally understand. My DMs are open if you want to know more without full spoilers and if there’s a way to keep reading without knowing the plot of TLOU2.

AO3 | Chapter One | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

“Dina kissed me.” 

“What!” You yelped and Ellie’s eyes went wide before she clamped a hand over your mouth. 

“Shhhh!” She looked around, her breath rising in front of her. But the only people out right now were inside the stable, a good 50 feet behind you and far enough away that you doubted any of them heard you, even if you were loud. “Jesus, Bambi…” 

She released your mouth and you tried not to giggle. 

“Sorry,” you whispered. “Good for you, kiddo! Told you not to count the girl out because she also fucks men…” 

“There’s no way she meant it,” Ellie rolled her eyes. “Get real.” 

“Why not?” You asked, brows raised. “Why shouldn’t she mean it?” 

“Because she’s Dina,” Ellie said, as though that explained everything. You just looked at her and she rolled her eyes again. “She was just trying to stir shit up because her and Jesse split up…” 

“Uh huh.” 

“And I was convenient,” she finished. “That’s it, that’s all it was…” 

“And you know this because you asked her, I’m sure.” 

“Fuck off,” she snapped. “Look, I didn’t drag you out here to figure that shit out…” 

“You sure about that?” 

“I dragged you out here,” she said, ignoring you, “to try and figure out what the fuck I’m supposed to do now.” 

“Kiss her again,” you shrugged. “That’s what I’d do…” 

“I’m being serious!” She hissed at you. “I have to go on patrol with her in like half an hour, what the fuck am I supposed to do?” 

You sighed and smiled a little, putting your hands in the pockets of the coat Joel had given back to you that morning. He said he hadn’t been wearing it but it had to have been hanging close enough to things he did wear and it smelled a bit like him. 

“First, you need to calm down,” you said gently. She looked like she was going to snap at you but you silenced her with a look. “I know it’s hard but regardless of how you want this to turn out, try not to be in your own head about it, OK? She’s still your friend and I’m guessing you want her to stay your friend, right?” 

“Duh.” 

“So eloquent,” you said and she rolled her eyes. “Look, you have two options. You can pretend it never happened and see if she brings it up or you can be up front about it and ask her.” 

“Is there a way to bring it up without looking like a desperate fucking loser?” She asked, brows raised. 

You shrugged. 

“Tough line to walk but I think you’ve got it in you.” 

“Jesus…” 

“Ellie,” you took her shoulders and made her actually face you. “It will be OK. Might be awkward for a bit but it’s not the end of the world. I promise. You can talk to her. She’s your friend for a reason and it’s because you’re kind and you’re smart and you’re funny. Even without the help of Will Livingston. None of that shit changes just because you kissed. Alright?” 

“Yeah,” she said, dropping her head to your shoulder with a heavy sigh. You put your arms around her and gave her a little squeeze but when she pulled back from you, her eyes were narrowed. “You’re in a weirdly good mood.” 

You frowned. 

“No I’m not.” 

“Uh yeah, you are,” she said, stepping back and looking you up and down as though she she were inspecting you. You just raised your eyebrows at her, expectant, when her mouth dropped open for a moment before she shifting to a shit eating grin. 

“Ellie…” 

“You fucked Joel!” 

“We need to have another conversation about the fact that what happens between my legs is none of your business,” you muttered, turning her around to head back toward the stable. 

“No we don’t,” she said. “This is great, you two have been so depressing the last few months…” 

“We have not!” 

“Please,” she rolled her eyes. “You were basically dead for weeks and Joel barely left the house for who knows how long.” 

“That… was less recent,” you said. “And it’s not your job to worry about us so let’s just…” you stopped just short of the stable doors. “How did you know?” 

“Know what?” 

“About…” you lowered your voice. “Joel. Not that I’m admitting to anything.” 

She smirked. 

“That coat’s been hanging in his front closet since you left.” You looked down at yourself and groaned. Her cocky smile grew. “You wanted the coat again. Bingo.” 

“Well just… keep it to yourself, alright?” You said, heading for the door. “I have no idea how to handle this with Savvy yet so cool it for bit. Please.” 

“I can keep my mouth shut you know,” she said as you opened the door to the stable and she went in. She opened her mouth to keep talking but Dina came up to her, smiling, and she froze instead. 

“Hey Ellie,” she smiled a little bigger before looking at you. “Bambi, good to see you.” 

“You too,” you said, clapping Ellie on the shoulder. “Have fun out there.” 

She glared at you over Dina’s shoulder and you just shrugged and winked at her before taking care of the final things you needed to before getting everyone out the door on patrol. 

You seriously considered, for a moment, taking Joel’s hand and just dragging him back home when he told you that you’d be going out separately. Things with him were so raw and delicate and new again. Neglecting it for two days felt dangerous somehow, a tension setting into your limbs before you and Julie headed out. 

You were always last to leave the stables, always waiting until you knew the rest of the patrol was situated even though you knew Olivia could handle things just fine without you. She smiled - a vaguely amused look on her face - as you went back over everything for the third time. 

“I promise, it’s all good,” she said eventually. “Please go focus on killing infected and staying safe and leave managing the horses to me.” 

On the way out of town, you stopped by where the working dogs were kept and asked if you could bring Gatling along, Julie looking a little skeptical as the dog jumped on Renaissance and settled between your legs, her head draped over your bicep. 

“Used to ride like this with her all the time,” you said, kissing the top of the dog’s head. Gatling licked her lips once and curved her body into yours as you sat back in the saddle to make sure she had room. “I’ll let her down once we’re good and underway, she’ll keep up. She’s great at spotting infected and I’m guessing she could be a great patrol dog once we get her adjusted to working with more than just me…” 

“She definitely looks like she can hold her own,” Julie said, watching as Gatling started scanning the horizon, her ears perked and listening, ready to jump off your horse and run down any apparent threat. “What kind of dog is she, anyway?” 

“She’s a Belgian Malinois,” you said, giving her a scratch behind the ears. “They were police and military dogs before. She saved my ass from infected more than once and she kept my girl alive when I couldn’t…” You kissed her head again and she turned to lick your cheek before going back to watching for threats. “She’s a good girl.” 

“Good to know I’ve got someone out here who can really watch my back,” Julie teased lightly. “Not sure I trust you to do it…” 

“Why not?” You asked, gaping at her. “I’m a great shot, keep you alive no problem…” 

“You forget I saw you trying to show Ellie and Savvy how to shoot a basketball that one time,” she smiled a cocky smile. “You barely hit the backboard…” 

“OK shooting a basketball is a completely different animal,” you waved her off. “Where it counts, my aim is solid. Saved Tommy once.” 

“Bullshit.” 

“It’s true,” you said, nudging Renaissance a little faster. “Ask Joel…” 

“Joel, hm?” She brought her horse alongside yours. “Things happening there?” 

You tried to hide your smile but felt the edges of your mouth curve up, anyway. 

“Good for you!” Julie said. “Both because you’re my friend and I want you to be happy but also because I like being right and goddammit, if I’m going to get shot down for a man of all people at least it’s a man I was right about.” 

You laughed a little before you remembered you had things weren’t just magically fixed with Joel yet.

“Do me a favor and don’t mention it to anyone?” You said, looking down at Gatling. “I need to tell Savvy…” 

The dog looked up to you at the mention of her name and you gave her a small scratch. 

“Oh, right,” Julie winced a bit. “Yeah, that might be rough.” 

“Yeah,” you sighed heavily. “I need to figure out a way to do this without losing both of them. I can’t do that again, I just… I can’t.” 

“You’ll figure it out,” she said gently. “It will be OK. Just have to believe it, it’ll happen.” 

“I’ll do my best,” you smiled a little at her. “How’s shit with Karen, by the way?” 

“Oh God,” she laughed. “I’m not sure how much I should tell you…” 

The patrol was easy enough until the snow started flying. It was still, the two of you talking, Gatling sometimes running ahead and acting more like a puppy than you remembered her being before, making you smile. It felt like if she could be like this - young and free and more than what survival had made her - so could Savvy. She would get there someday. You could get her back and make her understand once she was ready. 

Once the snow picked up, you and Julie decided to hunker down instead of pressing on to what was meant to be your final spot for the day. Though you were pretty sure you were only an hour or so shy of it if the weather weren’t working against you. 

“OK this is bullshit is what this is,” Julie said as she stomped snow off her boots and shook it out of her hair. You laughed a little as you got a fire going in the fireplace of the old house you’d reached for the night. It was just at the edge of a small subdivision, a spot you’d ridden past before but never spent much time in. The two of you had gotten the horses settled in the garage and Julie had done a quick walk around the immediate area to make sure there were no threats before coming in to settle for the night. “White, fluffy bullshit.” 

“Not getting you in the holiday spirit?” You teased. “Thanksgiving is coming up, Christmas right after that…” 

“Yeah, I’m already counting down until spring,” she said, shucking her coat and joining you by the fire. “I can only live with this for so long.” 

“I kinda like it,” you said as the fire caught the larger log and you watched it start to go up. “I like that seasons actually change here. It definitely made it easier to mark the passage of time when I didn’t have a calendar.” 

“Well I guess when you put it that way,” she sighed dramatically and you laughed. “But now that you’re in Jackson, we’ll keep you straight on the passage of time. The snow can go.” 

Julie had brought a bottle of whiskey from the Bison - “A perk of the job,” she said - and you were reminded of sleepovers when you were in high school when you and your friends would swipe booze from your parents’ liquor cabinets and get drunk around a bonfire. 

“I feel like we’re going to regret this in the morning,” you said, snug in your sleeping bag on the floor as the fire dimmed, head fuzzy and limbs tingling from the alcohol. Gatling’s head rested on your stomach.

“We can just sleep in a bit,” she scoffed and you heard her adjust on the couch. “What are they gonna do, fire us from patrol for running late? Doubt it.”

You laughed a little. 

“Guess there’s not much to contend with out there right now, anyway,” you said, closing your eyes. “Been quiet as hell all day. Doubt it’ll change overnight.” 

“It’d better not,” she said, sounding sleepy. “Better not be more snow, either.” 

You laughed once. 

“Better snow than infected,” you said. “Or raiders.” 

She didn’t respond and the room was quiet for a moment before you heard a soft snore coming from the couch. 

You laughed and then sighed, pulling a hand from the sleeping bag to scratch Gatling behind the ears. She sighed and curled up tighter to you. 

“It’s gonna be different when we go back,” you whispered to her, absently stroking one of her soft ears. “You can still come home with me, though. Maybe sleep with Savvy instead for a bit. I’m sure you miss her.” 

You tried to think about how to tell Savvy about Joel. It would have been a hard conversation under any circumstance, you thought. Not one you’d ever thought you’d need to have when you’d started caring for her. The idea of being with anyone long term then had been so foreign it hadn’t even crossed your mind. After Marisa, you’d given up on that. Just the occasional lover when there was a woman around who was interested as she was passing through had been enough. 

But Jackson was different. Joel was different. You had safety and security in Jackson and you loved Joel in a way you’d never thought you’d find, especially not after spending so long alone. But how could you tell Savvy something that you knew would hurt her? How could you tell her anything at all when she hadn’t spoken to you in weeks? 

“She’s gonna come around, right?” You whispered to Gatling. You felt her lick her lips and sigh against you. You closed your eyes but left your hand on the dog. “I’ll get her to trust me again. I will.” 

When the pounding on the front door woke you up, you were barely even aware you’d been asleep. But it was daylight outside and Gatling was standing near the front door, crouched low and snarling. 

“Wha…” Julie lifted her head, a groggy look on her face. 

“I got it,” you said, head spinning as you shoved your way out of your sleeping bag. “You stay put.”

“Thank fuck,” she groaned, dropping her head back on the couch and draping her arm over her eyes. You laughed and shook your head, going for the door. 

“Gatling.” The dog looked up at you, ready to obey. “Heel.” 

She fell back from the door and went to your leg, still tight against you, as you opened the door. 

“Glad I found you,” Gene, Jesse’s patrol partner said, pushing past you into the house without waiting for an invitation. “It’s a mess out there…” 

“That’s why we stopped here for the night,” you said, leaving the door open and nodding to Gatling, who immediately ran outside to pee. You waited by the door and let her back in, the dog sticking to your side again. 

“We can’t be that late getting out of here,” Julie grumbled, sitting up and pinching the bridge of her nose. “Not that it’s not just a blast to see you, Gene…” 

“We’re missin’ people,” he said, more to you than Julie. 

“What?” You frowned, crossing your arms over your chest, the after effects of the alcohol suddenly fading fast. “What do you mean we’re missing people, who are we missing?” 

“Joel and Tommy,” he said. “They never made it where they were supposed to last night and we can’t find ‘em….” 

“They probably stopped for the night like we did,” Julie waved him off. “Did you not see the weather last night? It was a shit show…” 

“Probably,” Gene nodded. “But they’d have made it there by now and we didn’t see them comin’ back down, either. No sign of ‘em. Ellie and Dina weren’t where they were supposed to be, either, but we at least found a fuckin’ trail for them, sent Jesse on to get them back in one piece…” 

You were already moving to put your boots on, heart pounding, Gatling giving you a small whine. You put a handful of jerky on the ground for her and refilled her water dish before you started packing up your sleeping bag. 

“I’m sure they’re fine…” Julie said, actually sitting up in the sleeping bag now, her legs pulled into her chest and watching you closely. 

“We should split up,” you said, pulling on your coat. “Cover more ground…”  

“Don’t know if that’s smart…” Gene began but you cut him off. 

“I can handle myself,” you said, harsher than you’d really meant to. “I’ve got Gatling, I’ve got my guns, I’ve got my axe. That’s all I had for 20 damn years and I made it just fine then. If you’re worried, you and Julie can stick together but I’m not gonna sit here and talk about how to minimize risk when they’re out there dealing with who knows what…” 

“Bambi,” Julie said gently, getting off the couch and taking you by the shoulders. “It’s OK.” 

“No,” you shook your head. “It’ll be OK when I find him in one piece, then it’ll be OK, I’m not…” 

“Gene and I will go one way,” she cut you off. “You and Gatling go the other. We’ll cover more ground. OK?” 

Gene sighed, looking between the two of you. 

“You got a death wish, don’t make me stop you,” he said gruffly. “Gonna go get my horse some water, we can head out.” 

You watched him go, a nervous energy coursing through your body. 

“Hey,” Julie said, taking your face carefully in her hands and making you look at her. “It is OK. It’s Joel and Tommy. They’re very, very good at this. They’re OK.” 

There was a pinch of tears at the back of your throat that you had to fight to swallow past. She took your hands, giving them a squeeze. 

“I can’t lose him now,” your voice was thick. “I just got him back, I can’t…” 

“I know,” she said softly, a sad smile on her face and you were struck, for a moment, by just how pretty she was. She pressed a soft kiss to your cheek, her lips lingering on your skin for a second, before she pulled back. “We’ll find him. We will.” 

“Thank you,” you nodded and took a deep breath, one tear slipping free, before looking down at your dog who was watching, ready and waiting. 

“Gatling, heel.” 

She moved to be immediately with you and you went to the garage, quickly saddling your horse and mounting up. You called Gatling up and she settled at the front of your saddle, already watching for incoming threats with her ears perked as you set off. 

You pushed Renaissance harder than you should have through the deep snow, trying to reach some part of Joel and Tommy’s patrol path so you could find some sense of where they might have gone. 

It wasn’t long before you found the path cut by a group of infected. A large one, judging by the footprints in the snow. You didn’t see a sign of Joel or Tommy but the swath of disturbed snow and brush from the hoard as so thorough you doubted you’d be able to tell if two horses had come that way, too. And, knowing Tommy and Joel, they’d have tracked the infected…

You looked higher for a moment, above where people would disturb branches and realized some branches on trees were clean of snow - too high for a person to bump on their own but just the height a tall man on horseback would hit. 

“Goddammit,” you muttered, steering Renaissance in that direction and pushing her on. 

The horse was breathing hard and heavy when you reached a mansion outside the normal patrol area, fully gated with piles of dead infected outside. You looked through your binoculars and saw tracks from the horses leading inside. But something about it set you on edge. Something wasn’t right. 

You commanded Gatling down and tied Renaissance to a tree that provided at least some shelter. 

“Back soon,” you said quietly, giving her a scratch and offering her an apple from your pack. You made sure your weapons were loaded, rifle at the ready, handgun and knife at your hip, axe across your back. Gatling looked at you, licking her lips once, waiting for a command. 

“Gatling, heel,” you said. “Hunt.” 

She latched onto your side like glue, crouched lower and keeping her mouth closed and you moved as quickly as you could for the gates of the mansion. 

There was no one guarding the place that you could see but you closed the gate behind you. If that had been enough to keep infected out before, you weren’t about to argue with it now. There were signs of plenty of people here, footprints of various sizes all heading for shelter inside. You tried not to think about the fact that you might have to torture information out of someone who left those footprints. If they had taken Joel and Tommy’s horses, you’d have to work quick to find what they knew so you could get to them. Torture could be the best option and, if it meant saving their lives, it was a price you were happy to pay. Because they had to still be alive, they had to be. 

The mansion was dark and almost eerily still. It reminded you of some of the places you’d visited when dropping of horses you’d trained to be trail animals for rich assholes before the outbreak, the trappings of extreme wealth couched in some idyllic, fictional version of the wild west. People who in places like this couldn’t handle the real thing. Real wildness would chew them up and spit them out. 

You crept through the house, looking for some sign of people, too afraid to call for Joel and Tommy and potentially bring down who knows how many people on you when you heard it, an agonized cry in a voice you knew, one you knew better than almost anyone else. 

“Joel,” you breathed, and you were running, Gatling at your heels. 

You knew that you should stop, assess, try to form a plan but he screamed again and you plowed ahead. A plan didn’t matter, all that mattered was one thing: getting to Joel. 

You had to get to him. 

He had to be OK. 

He had to be. 

*** 

Joel knew what it was like to die. 

He’d come close enough enough times over the years. Even before the apocalypse began he had a few near shaves. A fall off a ladder at a job site and the thought of “this is it” as he crashed down, the contemplation of what would happen with his daughter if he was gone, if he’d done enough to make it that she would be OK. A car accident that knocked him out and disoriented him enough that, for a moment in the hospital, he thought he was dead. 

The times since had been different, more acute. For a while, it felt like dying would have been a mercy. There was some innate biology that kept his body pushing to survive when his mind saw death as a welcome outcome when he got stabbed or shot when he was taking what he needed to survive or getting the shit kicked out of him when he got overrun smuggling. 

This, though, was something else. He didn’t want to die anymore, not really. He had you and Ellie and even Savvy. He had a reason to live now - live, not just survive - and he wanted it, wanted that life that was hanging there, so tantalizingly close on the horizon as heat of his blood pooled around him. 

He still wasn’t entirely sure what happened, how he’d ended up here like this. He’d reached the girl he’d seen through the binoculars as she damn near got bit, he’d shot the infected and pulled her up just as its teeth were getting close to her neck. 

“We gotta move!” Tommy yelled, shooting another infected. 

Joel gave the girl a once over as quick as he could. 

“You bit?” He asked. She was panting for breath but shook her head. “Got a gun?” She nodded. “Good, let’s go.” 

He tucked her behind him and led the way, trying to find a way through and out. There were dozens of infected, riled up and searching for something to sink their teeth into, desperate for someone to turn. 

“Shouldn’t be this damn many!” Tommy yelled as they scrambled back toward the horses. “Why are there this damn many?” 

“Worry about that later!” Joel snapped, dragging the girl along behind him. She stopped and shot two that were getting too close for comfort and, even in that moment, Joel could appreciate that she was a good shot. “We have to get the fuck away from here, try and lose ‘em…” 

“Think we can get all the way back to town?” Tommy asked, reloading his gun. 

“Hell no,” Joel shook his head. “Need to find somewhere else to hole up…” 

“My friends,” the girl said, looking between the two of them. “We’ve been staying at a mansion, not far from here. It’s got a fence around it, we’ve got the perimeter secure, if we can get there we’ll have help…” 

Joel and Tommy looked at each other. It was unlikely a girl this young would be running with raiders, more likely a group just passing through as they headed for the coast from a QZ. Tommy shrugged and Joel looked back to her. 

“Right,” he said. “We’ll head there, we got horses outside, you can ride with me and just tell us where to go. I’m Joel, that’s my brother Tommy, we’re from a settlement a few hours from here…” 

“Joel,” she said, something shifting in her eyes when she said it. 

“Right,” Joel said, not paying much attention. That seemed stupid, now. But he’d been so worried about Ellie, about you, about getting out of there to make sure you both were OK. “What’s your name, kiddo?” 

“Abby,” she said, an odd twinge in her voice. “My… I’m Abby.” 

They made it to the horses by the skin of their damn teeth, infected at their heels the whole way. 

The kid was right, at least. The mansion was secure, her friends clearing the area with molotov cocktails, infected burning just outside the gates. 

“Jesus Christ that was close,” Tommy laughed, clapping Joel on the shoulder. “Fuck, ain’t come that close in a while…” 

“Couldn’t get a good look at ‘em,” Joel said, looking back at the burning bodies. “See any bullet holes? Any sign they might have run into the girls?” 

Tommy’s giddy smile over surviving faded and he gave Joel’s shoulder a squeeze. 

“I’m sure they’re alright, Joel,” he said. “Shit, Bambi’s a deadeye. And you taught Ellie everything you know. They probably didn’t even come across these fuckers and if they did, they’re fine. They’re fine, both have made it through worse than a few infected…” 

“We should get inside,” Abby said, looking more at one of her friends than at Joel. “Now.” 

Things seemed normal then. Tommy was trying to get the group to come back to Jackson, Joel was worrying about you and Ellie. 

And then they introduced themselves to the group and it shifted. Just like it had with Abby, the change sudden and sharp. 

“Y’all act like you’ve heard of us or somethin’,” Joel said, thinking it was a joke. His mind was still elsewhere, still on you, still on Ellie, still on making sure you both were OK. He wanted to be back in Jackson, back in his quiet house, back in bed with you, pillows actually brought up from the living room and you close enough that he could trace little patterns over your soft skin. 

“Because they have.” 

He didn’t even see the shot coming, didn’t have a chance to warn Tommy to run, his brother on the ground - unconscious? Dead? He wasn’t sure - before he could even think. Joel screamed as the bullet tore through his leg and he went down, straining to get to Tommy through the pain but they swarmed him, these kids his brother had just been trying to talk into coming back to Jackson. They held him down, his back to a wall as Abby knelt in front of him, her face twisted into a snarl. She looked so different than she had when he’d first spotted her, alone and afraid and cornered the way he was now. 

“Joel Miller,” her teeth were gritted, the rifle tight in her grip. 

“Who are you?” He managed, pulling against the people at his arms, people who looked like kids, fucking kids. 

“Guess.” 

“Look,” he grunted and gave his arms a yank but they thrust him back against the glass. “Don’t know what I did to ya but I know I didn’t do it on purpose. Done a lot of shit in my time but I don’t hurt kids and you’re a bunch of kids…” 

“You kill my dad on purpose?” She pressed the barrel of the gun to his chin. “You slaughter a whole hospital of people who were just trying to save humanity on purpose?”

Joel’s stomach dropped. Of course. Of course saving Ellie would come back for him. Of course now that he finally had a life that was worth living it was getting ripped away for the one thing he couldn’t regret. 

“I did what I had to do,” he said, trying to free himself again, even though he knew it was futile. “But it was just me. Do what you need to do, make whatever speech you got saved up, but leave my brother out of it.” 

She squared her jaw, a look of disgust on her face as she got to her feet. She shoved her gun into the hands of the man - barely a man, almost still a boy, Joel thought - beside her. 

“Tourniquet his leg,” she snapped. The others looked around, hesitating. “Do it!” 

She stalked off as another girl obeyed, Joel trying not to scream through the pain as she tightened the belt around his leg. His head was still spinning when she came back into view, a golf club in her hands. 

“You don’t get to ask me for a damn thing,” she looked at him with so much rage, so much hate that, for a moment, he pitied her. That someone so young was so angry and in so much pain, that her father had cast his lot in with a bunch of child killers and paid with his life, leaving her alone, was tragic. “And you don’t get to rush this.” 

She jerked her head toward the people holding him in place and they looked at each other for a moment before stepping back. He tried to move but his leg was fucking useless and Abby swung the club, catching him in the arm before she forced him all the way to the floor with a pained cry. 

He wasn’t sure how long he’d been here now. Consciousness was hazy. So was the feeling in his limbs. At times, it was like he was floating, far outside his body and somewhere far softer and warmer and kinder than here. Part of him was back in his living room, almost a year ago now, on Christmas Eve when it was just you and him and he buried himself inside the hot clutch of your body by the glow of the holiday lights. He was lost in the feel of you, so soft and warm below him. He wasn’t sure he’d ever felt closer to another person in his life, lacing his fingers with yours and looking into your eyes as you came. He’d promised to take care of you then and he’d meant it, he’d meant it so far beyond that moment inside of you, he’d meant it for the rest of his life he’d take care of you. 

He just hadn’t thought it would be so soon. 

At least, he thought, he’d made things right with you. At least he’d gotten to tell you that he loved you again, at least he wasn’t dying wondering if you could ever have forgiven him. At least things were right with Ellie, at least she’d loved him again and she’d let him love her the way she deserved to be loved. At least she had you and Savvy now, people who would love her that way, too, and make sure she was OK. She was going to need someone to make sure she was OK when he was gone, she was so stubborn and she tried to be so much stronger than she needed to be. She needed someone. So did you. 

At least he’d get to be with Sarah again. She was so much closer now than she’d been before, barely out of reach now, somewhere quiet and safe and peaceful. Just far enough away that what was happening now couldn’t reach her. At least she wasn’t seeing this. At least you and Ellie weren’t seeing this.

Something shifted in the room, the club not landing on Joel’s body again, chaos drawing him back into his body again. 

Everything hurt, like he’d been put through a meat grinder. He wasn’t sure he’d ever hurt this much, at least not physically. Every breath was pain. He’d been lying here long enough that some of the blood pooling around his legs had gone cold. 

There was a vicious snarl, the crack of a gunshot and he realized, suddenly, what happened. 

“Gatling!” He could barely adjust his head enough to see where you were. Your rifle was on the ground but so was the only other gun Joel remembered seeing in the room. Your axe was tight in your hands as you threw one of the men back with a roar. You kicked the guns at your feet behind you and pointed to Joel and snapped your fingers. “Guard!” 

The dog ran to him and crouched around his body, hunched low, snarling and barking. You screamed and Joel struggled to see what was happening, tried to get up but he was only able to make it a few inches off the ground before he collapsed back down, his body too broken to properly obey. You were so close, you were in trouble and he tried to focus on it. He had to get you out of here, he had to take care of you, he’d promised to take care of you. He was supposed to protect you, that’s what he was built to do and he was failing. 

“Gatling, bite!” Your command was more of a shriek, sharp and fearful.

The dog shot away from him for a moment, a snarl followed by a pained wail and Joel could see enough to make out that the animal had tackled someone near you as you scrambled to your feet, more of them coming for you. Joel tried again to move but his injured leg gave out that time, collapsing below him before he could put even half his weight on it. 

“Gatling, release!” The screaming stopped and he heard another snap. “Guard!” 

The dog went back to him, snarling and snapping and 

“Bambi!” 

Joel turned his head too quick to the door, his neck screaming in pain, to see Ellie standing there, her eyes wide.

“Ellie!” He yelled through gritted teeth. 

“Go!” You screamed at her, bringing your axe around, swinging wide on another person coming for you, just catching their arm. “Get help, get Jesse! Go!” 

You circled toward the door, axe up, daring any of them to try to follow her. 

“You’re not a part of this!” Abby prowled toward you. “Don’t make me kill you, too.” 

“He’s a part of this so I am, too,” you panted. “If you wanna try and kill me, you better do it quick and you better be damn sure you do it right because the second I’m down, that dog will rip your throats out one by fucking one. She’s done it before, I’ve seen it. You’ll have to kill me - which she won’t take lyin’ down - and get to the guns behind me to take her down. She works quick, hell of a lot quicker than me. If you’re fightin’ both of us, you don’t stand a chance. You that confident? I am. So is she.” 

Gatling snarled as if on cue. 

“Other option is to get the fuck out of here,” you said. Joel could just see you around the dog, blood dripping from your side, lip split open. “We got backup comin’, we’re from a settlement of hundreds and we’ve fought off raiders and infected for fuckin’ years, think we can handle a band of fucking children without much trouble. This worth dyin’ for? Right now, I got your death warrant. Up to you if I sign it.” 

“Abby,” one of the men said. “Let’s go.” 

“Are you fucking kidding me?” She snapped. “You want to just go? Now? Let him live?” 

Gatling snarled again. 

“You’re runnin’ short on time!” You growled, teeth clenched tight. “Now or never!” 

“You lost control of the situation,” the man hissed. “We’re not all dying for your fucking revenge mission.” 

She turned toward Joel and he watched the hatred and the rage move through her. He watched her think about bringing the club down one more time, just to see if she could land a final, killing blow before the dog struck hers. She moved a fraction of an inch toward him and Gatling adjusted, a vicious bark and a snarl ripping from her. 

“He wouldn’t want you to die for this,” the man said quietly, so low Joel doubted you could hear. “And Miller probably won’t survive this, anyway. It’s done. Let’s go.” 

“Fine,” she bit out, throwing the club aside. Joel tried his best to follow her with his eyes, praying that she wouldn’t go for you. Once the people had moved away from him toward you and the door, you called Gatling to you, the dog standing between you and the aggressors, snarling and threatening. They left, watching you closely, without a word.

The door closed and you dropped the axe, grabbing a gun from behind you on the ground and limping for Joel, blood dripping down your leg. 

“Joel,” you fell to your knees beside him. He tried to say something but all that left him was a pained moan. “You’re OK, I’ve got you, you’re alright…” 

“Tommy,” he managed, panting for breath. “Check… Tommy….” 

“OK,” you said softly, brushing his hair back from his forehead. “Gatling, guard.” 

You snapped your fingers and pointed to Joel again. The dog obediently came and positioned herself between him and the door, body like a coiled spring ready to attack. You went to Tommy and checked his pulse before adjusting him. Joel heard him groan and you said something he couldn’t quite make out before you were back to him, a bag with you this time. 

“They’ve gotta have something in here,” you said, ripping through the contents. 

“Baby…” 

“Tommy’s alright,” you said, glancing at Joel before going back to the bag. “He’s comin’ around. Ellie will be back soon, she’s bringing help, it’s going to be OK Joel, it is…” 

“Baby.” 

“Hush.” 

You found what you were looking for, a bag with some medical stuff inside. You set it nearby and looked over Joel’s back, wincing as you did. 

“Need to look at the front of you, too,” you said. “I’m going to roll you over, alright?” 

“Baby…” 

“Shut up, Joel.” 

Your hands shook and he cried out in pain as you moved him onto his back, flinching when you saw his leg.

“Jesus,” you whispered. “What’d they do to you?” 

“Baby,” he said again, managing to lift a hand enough to almost reach your face. You took it, gently guiding his bloody palm the rest of the way to your cheek as you leaned down into it. “You’re bleedin’.” 

“Oh,” you looked down at yourself. “It’s fine, I’ll be fine…” 

“Need to take care,” he had to stop for a second, grinding his teeth through the pain as it wracked his body. It took him a moment to catch his breath. “Care of yourself. I’m… I can’t make it back, not like this…” 

“Shut up, Joel.” 

“Promised to protect you,” he said, brushing his thumb over your cheekbone. “Lemme do it.” 

“Protect me later,” you said, setting his hand down and ripping the bag of medical gear open with your teeth. “Going to put bandages on your leg, see if we can let the tourniquet off, save the leg…” 

“Baby.”

“Shut UP, Joel!” 

He watched you work for a moment and you felt farther and farther away with every breath. He could feel himself fading and he wished you’d just stop, that you’d take care of yourself and just hold him while he could still feel you. 

“Need you to look after Ellie,” he said as you wound bandages around his thigh. “She’s gonna act like she doesn’t need anyone but she does and…”

“And she has you,” you cut him off with a glare. “So it doesn’t matter.” 

You released the tourniquet on his leg and it was more of a relief than he’d expected it to be, the pain of it fading to a dull enough roar that he’d forgotten it was there until the weight of it was lifted. 

“Gotta get this spot at your side, too…” you adjusted his shirt and leaned over him and he got a better look at your own side, a bright red splotch growing on your shirt, a long gash going from your ribs down toward your stomach. 

“You’re bleedin’, sweetheart.” 

“I know,” you said. “Getting you fixed up first…” 

“Baby.” 

“Joel, I swear…” 

“Need to get you and Tommy back,” he needed to stop for a second to catch his breath, the rise and fall of his chest straining his ribs. “Can’t… can’t die knowin’…” 

“You’re not dying here,” you snapped, your voice thick. “I just got you back, you’re not dying here, you’re coming home and you’re going to be OK and…” 

You sat back, looking at the spot on his side that you’d just bandaged, wiping your nose on the back of your wrist as you did. 

“Gotta take care of yours now,” he said, eyes tracing the spot at your side. But you shook your head. 

“Outta gauze.” 

“Baby…” 

“It’s not that bad,” you sniffed. “I’ll just… hold pressure until Ellie gets back. It’s OK, you’re gonna be OK, I can’t….” 

“Here,” he ground his teeth, breathing through another wave of pain. “Lay… lay with me. Cut side up, keep the blood from flowin’ too easy.” 

You looked at him for a moment before nodding and lying delicately next to him. He adjusted as best he could so he could see you, touch you. You’d been hit in the face at least twice, one of your eyes swelling shut and your lip split open. But you were still beautiful, so damn beautiful. 

“I’m so sorry baby,” he said softly. 

“Joel…” 

“Wanted… wanted so much more time with you and the girls,” he said quietly. Your skin was soft, so soft it seemed like the sensation of it might be the only thing holding him to the earth. “I’m so sorry we’re not gettin’ that…” 

“Stop talking like that,” you were crying now, not making any attempt to stop it. 

“It’ll be OK sweetheart,” he said. “You’ll… you’ll be alright. Ellie’s gonna need you, keep an eye on her for me. Keep her outta trouble. Savvy, too. She loves you… she’ll… she’ll come around…” 

“Joel,” you whispered, reaching out to cup his face, your fingers in his curls, one of the only places on his body he wasn’t bleeding. 

“I’m so happy we made things right,” he said, his eyes searching yours. He wondered, if he watched you closely enough, if he could bring the precise color of them with him wherever he was going. “I love you so damn much, sweetheart. Need you to know that, OK? I love you.” 

“I love you too,” you breathed. Your skin was so soft and your breath was warm on his skin. “I love you. I love you.” 

You said it again and again. It was the last thing Joel heard before he passed out. 

Next Chapter

A/N: Hi y'all ❤️

Again, begging for you to trust me, OK? OK.

I do love you but... feel free to yell at me in the comments or in my asks or DMs. I'll be responding to asks about the last chapter soon now that this one is up.

Thanks for going on this crazy ride with me!! It truly means the world.

Taglist: @ashleymsnodgrass@planet-marz1@kalea-bane @juneswonderlust@ilovepedro @h-annahayy @starstruckmusiciansartghost@beccerjune@mumma-moonchild@netonetoneto@mellymbee@purplelye@n7cje@flugazi@evyiione@randomhoex@aliengirl99@orcasoul@reds-ramblings@pedropascalsbbg @fupoola @tinypotatothing @knopes-waffles @lilmizmoz @ayamenimthiriel@jenispunk@panda-pascal@sarap-77@flugazi@your-slutty-gf@daniegraceg@partyofone3413@cumberpegg@noisynightmarepoetry.@fifia-writes@grumpygrumperton @srmacaroni @txlady37 @bigboiseason123@ashleyfilm

[ecstasyhighway]

You & I | E.Williams

chapter i

CW, ellie is a pervert here she watches the reader masturbate… there is smut towards the end guys (im not good at smut but i tried my best) masturbation (reader and ellie) , stalking, y/n is used

this might be straight cheese ngl…im not good at ts 😭 but enjoy ig

wc: 1.4k

read the prologue here ch 2

———————

“Hi! Hello”

A voice chimes from behind her, she turns around, and a lump forms in her throat.

it's…you.

Ellie quickly clears her throat and begins to talk, her eyes scanning your features. She is infatuated with you, you’re gorgeous, ethereal even…

“hi sorry how may I help you?”

“Yes, do you guys happen to have 21’s new album?”

you ask so sweetly, Ellie watches you speak, your oh-so-beautiful smile just making her want to fall to her knees. Ellie signals you to follow her, heading back to the rap section of the store, her eyes scan the shelves as she looks for the album, She reaches up and pulls out the ‘American Dream’ and hands it to you.

“This one?”

You smile and giggle a little, “Yes! this is exactly what I've been looking for… I couldn’t find it anywhere else I've looked all over thank you um…?” You trail off looking for a name tag, “..Ellie, thank you”

Ellie smiles, her face feeling warm, she knows she's red as fuck right now and her feeling embarrassed about it is just making her even more flustered “Y-yeah no problem, is that all? I can ring you up over here” She chuckles softly trying to cover the anxiety in her voice.

You and Ellie head towards the register, she rings you up and you hand her your card. Ellie examines your card trying to get your name, she needs to know, she knows nothing about you, just some things like you like 21 savage and Tyler. But that’s not nearly enough, she needs to know everything about you, things even you don’t know about yourself...

“y/n? That's a really pretty name” She smirks and takes a mental note of your first and last name, she will most definitely be looking you up later.

“oh thank you so much!” you say with joy in your voice, “I might come back another time, I uhh really like music and I really want to learn how to play an instrument so maybe I’ll see you again?” you ask so innocently, Ellie, on the other hand, was freaking out on the inside, she just thought you were so gorgeous and she needed to know more about you and she needed you to come back

“yeah, uhm I teach acoustic guitar, and piano so if you ever want lessons just show up, I'm here pretty much all the time, haha yeah this store is actually my life and-“ She cuts herself off realizing she's just rambling about nothing. “sorry yes you will definitely see me again” she is mentally cursing at herself for being such a nervous wreck in front of you.

“awesome, I’ll see you laters Ellie” and with that, you turn around and focus your attention on your phone, a message dings and you begin typing away. Ellie noticed this and is already feeling a certain way.. do you have a boyfriend? girlfriend? Are you single..? its okay she’ll figure all that out.

Once Ellie’s shift was over she went down to her music room. She sat there for a second and put on some jazz, she grabbed her laptop and began her long and tedious search, y/n l/n, she scrolled through the search page filled with many other y/n l/n’s. she stops. ‘bingo’ she thinks to herself, she found you ‘y/n.oncam’ on pretty much everything. Luckily all your accounts are public, unluckily she notices that you literally post your entire life on the internet, ‘do you know how many creeps are on the internet? oh once I have you to myself no one will be able to ever know anything personal about you’ she scoffs.

Here's what she knows, you’re 20, you’re single, you like to read, and you lovee music.. you live in an apartment with a big window.

Wait, she knows that complex, yeah she knows where that is, it's right across the street from the bookstore Dina works at. Shit Dina! Ellie forgot that she promised to bring Dina a limited edition 2Pac vinyl she had in storage. Ellie jumped up, grabbed her jacket, went to the storage to grab the record. She gets in her car and heads to Dina’s bookstore.

‘D are you still at work?’

‘yes’

‘I'm bringing the record rn’

*Dinabina like a message*

Ellie arrived at the bookstore, the words ‘Hidden Pages’ flickering softly as one of the letters had gone out. Ellie walks into the store and walks up to Dina, who is reading.

“D, I got the record”

“yayy thank you Ellie” Dina walks up to her smiling and gives her a hug “I’ll give it back as soon as I'm finished listening to it”

Ellie said her goodbyes and left the store.

She looks around trying to find the apartment, she found it. ‘Havenwood apartments’ She walks to the tall building and examines it and she spots the only big window, no curtains, lights on, and a woman's figure dancing around. She gets closer to the building, not too close but close enough to see into the window. Sure enough, it's you, dancing and singing, oblivious to the world around you, if you would just stop and look out of your window you would see Ellie, watching you closely, biting her lip and just enjoying the view of you.

You had gotten tired, turned off the music and began getting ready for bed. Oh, but that feeling between your legs was getting stronger, you tried to ignore it, you’ve been pent up and so busy lately, mostly because of work and shit. ‘Fuck’ you curse quietly to yourself and you head to your couch, you slip your hands down your pants and begin rubbing circles on your clit, dipping your fingers into your hole and gathering your juices to add more lubrication. Your eyes close and as you add pressure to your throbbing clit, you feel yourself bucking your hips for more friction. Fingers pumping in and out of your hole. Your other hand fondling your soft tits, adding more stimulation ‘mmph fuck’ The noises coming from your mouth are almost pornographic, your neighbors could probably hear you as the walls are thin. You feel yourself getting closer so you begin moving faster your mouth forming an ‘O’ shape “Mmpfh shit’m gonna cum fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck” You get that feeling in your stomach and let yourself go, your orgasm hitting you like a truck, you continue rubbing your clit riding out your orgasm, legs shaking from the overstimulation. Once you’re done you sit up and head to the bathroom to clean yourself up and you go to your bed to watch a show, you feel so comfortable and safe in the warmth of your bed so, you drift off into a slumber…

Oh but little did you know. You weren’t alone. Ellie saw what you were doing, she saw your most intimate moment and you didn't even notice you were being watched. Like she thought you were oblivious to the world around you, a normal person would sense another watching them, but not you…or maybe you knew she was watching and you put on a show for her and only her. Ellie’s hand reaches to unbutton her jeans, reaches her hand into her underwear, and begins rubbing her clit to the thought of you, your body, your pussy just begging to be touched by her, your soft tits and your skin needing to be marked by her…she needs you so bad.. just as she’s about to come undone. an elderly opens the door behind her, luckily Ellie had her back turned so the lady didn’t see her pleasuring herself to you. Ellie saw that the lady had many bags and offered to help her.

“Can you call a cab for me dear, they all just speed right passed me?” the woman asked kindly, and Ellie did what she asked, grabbing the cab’s attention and opening the door for her, all with a smile and her juices dripping down her thighs. The cab leaves and Ellie walks to her car.. “why were you touching yourself out in public while watching an oblivious girl masturbate..you’re so fucking weird.. fuck Ellie what the fuck, you need to be more careful, that could’ve not gone in your favor…” she whispered to herself, her cheeks red from embarrassment. She gets in her car and heads to her apartment….

——————————

idk what a tag list is but someone said “need to be in the taglist” and my gf said that means they wanna be tagged when the next part comes out so yeah

🏷️ @vqxen

[totheblood]

superposition. (five)

pairing: dealer!ellie x best friend!reader

summary: ellie goes to bloomingdales and gets a little brown bag, and you come over

warnings: 18+ sm*t! cursing, drug/alcohol mention and use, ch

a/n: this is not proofread! i am writing this on like six benadryl.. so don't hate me.. ok I love u and I am happy I wrote this also reblogs, asks, and replies are so appreciated and encouraged! thank u kisses

wc: 3.4k

masterlist for previous chapters

"no matter what we do, i'll be there with you."

Ellie was over this.

Sooo over this, she told herself as she found herself trailing behind Dina in a Bloomingdales, stopping at the Tom Ford counter to smell your perfume. Hands tucked in pockets as she glanced up at the sales associate that eyed her, a polite but forced smile on her face. In her blue and white flannel, Ellie was sure she wasn’t the target demographic. 

“Are you looking for anything specific?” Her voice was sing-songy and Ellie was internally cringing at how she knew this was going to go. 

“I’m uh-- looking for a scent,” Ellie awkwardly spat out. Obviously, she was looking for a perfume… at the goddamn perfume counter.  “It’s um… sweet… or fruity.”

“Does it smell like a specific fruit by any chance?” The lady asked, it looked like she was in pain behind her smile. Ellie was sure she was just projecting.  Her own nose scrunched up, indicating she didn’t know the answer to the question. 

“I don’t know… it’s um…” Ellie looked around as if she was searching for the answer, “Maybe it’s lemon? I don’t know… it’s for my girlfriend. It’s in a white bottle with a gold label.” Ellie knew you weren’t her girlfriend, she wasn’t even sure if you were friends anymore but it couldn’t hurt to pretend. 

“Oh, Soleil Blanc!” She practically yelled, picking up the bottle in front of her and spraying a bit of it onto a testing strip. She handed the flimsy paper to Ellie and Ellie had to mentally prepare herself before smelling it. Ellie brought it up to her nose and took a deep breath in, eyes fluttering closed as she did. If she closed them for long enough she could imagine you here, and instead of the annoying sales lady, there would be you. You would probably be smelling every perfume imaginable and holding tightly onto Ellie’s arm, but when Ellie opened her eyes you weren’t there. There was just the annoying sales lady and her. 

“Is that what you were looking for?” She asked, fake smile still on her face. 

“Um… yeah…” Ellie smiled as politely as she could, but she could feel herself shaking. It was almost as if she was on the verge of a panic attack but never really crossed the threshold. She never really flipped out or cried, she just shook for a bit and moved on. “I’ll take it. How much is it?”

“It’s only 295 dollars.” The sales lady said with a straight face as Ellie practically choked on her spit. How the fuck did you afford this? And why was this bitch saying ‘only’ as if that wasn’t an absurd amount of mone-

“Yeah, I’ll take it,” Ellie pursed her lips as she handed over her card. If she was being completely honest she had almost too much money and nothing to spend it on. And if she was being brutally honest with herself, the 295 was worth it right now. She didn’t want to admit it, but she needed you right now, and Tom Ford had your scent bottled up. 

“Your girlfriend is a lucky lady,” She laughed as she rang Ellie up, putting it in a gift bag without asking Ellie if she wanted it wrapped in the first place.

“I’m the lucky one,” Ellie said instinctively. She was already playing the role, so she might as well commit to the bit. Ellie had honestly never been a girlfriend, so she didn’t know if she was doing it right, but she assumed this was how it went. 

Apart from her domestic fantasies about you, she hadn’t really thought about being in a relationship. The idea made her sick to her stomach, but now she didn’t know if it was because she couldn’t imagine being with anyone but you or if her fear of commitment was out to get her. 

She wasn’t a complete idiot when it came to relationships though. She had dated this one girl her sophomore year in high school which abruptly ended when the girl's father found out about them. Ellie was sad about it for maybe a week but moved on when she found something else to fill her ever-running mind. 

Ellie wanted to be your first girlfriend, that much she knew, but that dream had taken a quick and bitter ending. Her face soured at the idea that she would never get that opportunity. She could never call you her high school sweetheart or any straight and corny crap she could think of. The sickly sweet dream was now something rotten. She was buying your perfume for fucksake. 

“Aw, that’s so sweet,” She smiled again, tucking the receipt into the bag and handing it over to Ellie, “Have a good day!”

Ellie found Dina looking through clothing racks somewhere in the back, approaching her and leaning up against the wall, knowing they would be there for some time. Dina had to do a double take when she saw the little brown bag in Ellie’s hand.

“What did you buy?” She breathed out a laugh before turning back to the racks and holding up what looked like a leather jacket. 

“Nothing,” Ellie sighed, rolling her eyes. She flexed her feet, looking down at them, anything to avoid eye contact right now.

“Why are you being weird?” Dina asked, deciding to put the jacket back and continue looking through the mixed clothes, “Like what did you buy at Bloomingdales that you don’t want me to know about?”

“It’s just..” Another puff of air from Ellie’s lips, “It’s a perfume. I just spent a ridiculous amount of money on it and I don’t want you to make fun of me for it.” It was a half-lie.

“What perfume?” Dina looked at her temporarily, causing Ellie to shift uncomfortably, but she quickly turned to another rack of clothes. 

“It’s this one from Tom Ford…” Dina stopped in her tracks as Ellie spoke, “Called Soleil Blanc or whatever.”

Dina was frozen for a moment before she turned to Ellie, her hand on her hip and face serious. 

“You bought her perfume?” Dina’s voice was sharp. She didn’t really know what was happening between the two of you but she knew that you hadn’t talked in a while and Ellie was barely leaving her apartment. It didn’t take a genius to complete the dots, but if it did Dina would still qualify. 

“I-I,” Ellie stuttered out, green eyes wide as she looked around, “No, it’s not for her. I-It’s for me. I like the scent. It’s nice.”

“You’re so full of shit, Ellie.”

“I’m not.”

“You fucking are,” Dina rolled her eyes as she started heading towards the door, Ellie hot on her trail, “You’re probably going to spray your pillow and hump it while you pretend it’s her.” Not a bad idea, Ellie thought. 

“I’m not!” Ellie followed her as her footsteps picked up, “It’s just a nice scent, and I like it. It’s not weird… I’m not a creep or anything, okay? The scent soothes me.”

“Yeah, cause she’s your fucking pacifier!” Dina whisper yelled as they approached the car, “She’s been your pacifier since junior year.”

“My pacifier? The fuck does that mean?” Ellie swung her door open, got in the passenger seat and buckled herself in.

“It means you practically rely on her to remain calm,” Dina explained, hopping in the car and breathing out a laugh as she shook her head, “I used to think it was just a weird friendship thing but I’m starting to believe you’re actually in love with her.”

The air in the car changed for a moment as Ellie stared blankly at Dina. She didn’t know what to say. Any claim that she wasn’t in love with you would come out in a stuttered mess and admitting to someone else that she was in love with you was something she didn’t feel like doing today. 

“Oh my fucking god,” Dina sighed, rubbing her face with the palms of her hands, “You’re fucking in love with her.”

“Yeah,” was all Ellie said as she leaned back in her seat and let Dina drive her home.

--

She didn’t want to think about it anymore. That night when she got home and got out of the shower, skin still damp and hair still wet, she soaked herself in the perfume, put on ‘The Office’, and ate a frozen pizza. This was pathetic, all of it. The pining, the wallowing, the perfume. She fell asleep after pitying herself for a while, the day finally getting to her. 

She was woken up by loud knocks on her door, jolting her awake. She was honestly pissed as she stumbled over to the door wiping the sleep from her eyes. She opened the door without thinking, the possibility of someone bursting through the door only to murder her sounding more than tempting right now, but when she opened the door she was met with your face. 

Your bare face, tired eyes, and tied-back hair. No smile on your face, but your eyes had the creases in them that they had when you did. You were in your pajamas, like you had decided on a whim to come over here. Wait, why were you here?

“Uh,” Ellie said awkwardly, shifting to lean against her door frame as she looked at you.

“Can I come in?” you asked.

“Why?”

“Ellie, let me in,” and she had already moved to the side, allowing you to slip past her as she closed and locked her door. Someone could murder her, but if you were here the door was staying closed. 

“Why are you here?” Ellie sighed, rubbing her face with one hand, voice raspy and deep from sleep.

“I…” You took a deep breath and steadied yourself, “Are.. are you wearing my perfume?” Ellie’s eyes widened as she shifted uncomfortably.

“What? No,” Ellie quickly defended, “Just tell me why you’re here before I kick you out.”

“I just was thinking about what you said to me at the gala,” you began, “I can’t get it out of my head, I can’t get you out of my head.” Ellie’s heart was already racing at this. Pathetic. 

“So?”

“So?” you repeated back to her, “Stop being a bitch, Ellie. You got to confess now it’s my turn. Don’t ruin it.” That shut Ellie up real fast. 

“I just didn’t know why it wasn’t the same with… her,” you looked down at her feet, fluffy socks covering them. Cute, “I just didn’t understand it, but I think it’s love… or love adjacent,” you sighed, “Fuck, I don’t know.”

“What about your girlfriend?” Ellie reminded you.

“She’s not my girlfriend anymore, it’s not completely over but we aren’t dating.”

“Not completely over? What the fuck does that mean?” Ellie knew she sounded like a bitch but she couldn’t help herself, all of it was too confusing. 

“I don’t know, Ellie! I don’t know what any of this means, I didn’t know what it was like to be with someone else until you kissed me. This was your bright idea and it,” you took a long deep breath, rolling your eyes, “and it was a fucking dumb one. I already liked you at that point and it confused me, okay? I mean, what the fuck was that? You were going to fuck me to ‘teach me’, I mean?”

“Pe-”

“And stop with that shit! My fucking pet name? Seriously? This isn’t normal, this wasn’t normal and now you’re acting like I did something wrong by dating someone, who you helped me date? I didn’t know what was even happening until you were telling me you liked me days after she asked me to be her girlfriend!”

“Did you come here to yell at me?” Ellie said calmly. It was only making you more angry.

“I came here to tell you I liked you and you’re being an asshole so I get to yell at you!” You huffed, your nostrils flared and your hand had found its way to your hip. Ellie hated how much she was attracted to you at this exact moment. 

“I’m not being an asshole, I just don’t know what you want me to do,” She pinched the bridge of her nose, looking you up and down, “You’re still seeing her, and I’m done sharing you.”

“I won’t see her anymore.”

“Are you serious?” She laughed.

“Dead fucking serious,” you scrambled to pull out your phone, “I’ll block her number right now.”

“You don’t have t-”

“I will.”

“Why?”

“Cause I want you,” you sounded exhausted like you had said this a thousand times before, “And no matter how hard I try no one will ever be you and I’m tired of acting like this isn’t what I want. Like you aren’t who I want.”

Ellie licked her lip, pulling her bottom lip in between her teeth as she rubbed at her chin. She was acting like she was thinking, but she had already made up her mind. She wanted you. 

Ellie didn’t have it in her to be upset with you anymore as she saw the genuine desperation in your eyes. She wanted to kiss the worried look off your face, nip at your skin as she told you it was okay, that you were forgiven. She wanted to do that but instead, she walked over to you, closing the distance between the two of you.

"You better not be fucking with me," she warned, her voice coming out in a whisper, as her eyes flicked down to your lips.

You shook your head, your own eyes looking down at her lips as you stepped closer, "I'm not. I promise."

Ellie didn’t want to wait any longer. Without another word, she grabbed you by your hips, pulling at you but ultimately balling the material of your sweatshirt in her hands. She pulled you into her, pressing her lips to yours, slow and sweet. Like always, her eyes fluttered closed, as she felt you loosen up in her grip. Your own hand reached up to grab at her arms. You were just as touch-starved and desperate as her. The taste of your lips was making her dizzy, a mixture of sweetness and desire that made her head spin. She could feel the heat radiating between you, coming off you in waves. It smelled like lemon. 

Her hands roamed over your body, grabbing at anything she could. Your ass, thighs, tits. They were all hers. She could feel herself growing wet as you stuck your tongue in her mouth and was only met with a moan. All she could taste was mint and all she could smell was lemon and she was certain she was going to pass out. 

With a sudden surge of urgency, Ellie pushed you against her kitchen table, helping you sit on it as she pushed her unopened mail to the side. She pulled away for a moment to look at you. You looked so pretty with swollen lips, tip of your nose slightly red from her own brushing against yours. 

“You’re so fucking pretty, Petal,” she pushed a stray hair out of your face smiling as she gently kissed your lips. It was short and sweet and made your heart race. The initial thrill was gone and you were left with heavy breathing and an intimate stare. Her hands dipped into the waistband of your sweatpants, pulling at them gently, “Can I take these off for you?” 

She smiled and kissed you again as you nodded. She pulled them down and let them fall to the floor, leaning down to press a kiss to your thigh, making you shiver. You weren’t wearing anything special, just some grey briefs that betrayed you by showing the damp spot between your legs. 

“Sit back for me,” Ellie instructed, moving you backward so you could put the soles of your feet on the table. You did as you were told, leaning up on your elbows to get a good look at her. Ellie pulled a chair up, sitting in front of you. Her hand grabbed at your ankle, rubbing the skin as she leaned forward to lick you through your underwear. The sudden contact made you gasp and close your eyes. She looked up at you and smiled, before licking again, and closing her mouth around your clothed clit and sucking gently. 

All of her movement was excruciatingly slow as she pulled at the hem of your underwear, dragging them up and over your legs and throwing them to the side. This wasn’t the first time she saw you like this, but every time she did she felt her own clit aching. She leaned down again and slowly licked up your cunt, from your entrance to clit, sucking again as she flicked her tongue against you. As she did this her own hand traveled lower, sticking into the waistband of her pants and circling her clit. It didn’t help that you were whimpering beneath her, words that sounded like her name coming from your mouth. 

She wasn’t being vocal this time, though. She was focusing solely on you and how her own pleasure was growing.  

You moaned out loud this time as she slid two fingers inside you, her fingers curling upwards as she did so. Ellie's touch was both gentle and demanding, her fingers brushing a sensitive spot inside you, causing you to gasp out again. The rhythm of her movements never sped up, they were slow and calculated and she had only pumped her fingers in and out of you a few times before she was pulling them out and licking them clean.

Ellie stood up and guided you to the edge of the table, pulling one of your legs off the table and leaving one firmly planted on the table.

“You’re okay?” She checked in momentarily, placing her hands on your hips as you sat up. 

“More than okay,” you smiled leaning forward to kiss her again. She groaned into the kiss and took a step back, stripping her pants from her body and pulling off her underwear, and throwing it into the pile where yours was. You decided to be bold and reach forward to circle her clit with your fingers, causing her to groan, throw her head back, and grip at the edge of the table. 

“Fuck,” she cursed out, grinding into your touch almost forgetting her plans. Almost. She grabbed at your wrist stopping you, and pulling your hand off of her. 

“Was that not,” you mumbled out, “was that not good?”

“No, shit…” Ellie cursed under her breath, “It was too good. I just.. I had other plans, okay?”

“Okay,” you smiled, still unsure of yourself.

Ellie lifted one of her legs onto the table, so her cunt was positioned right on top of yours. Her gaze locked with yours as she slowly ground her hips into you, earning a loud gasp from you as you grabbed onto her, your own juices mixing with hers. You could tell how wet she was which only egged you on, making your eyes roll back into your head as she ground faster into you, her own breathing heavy and shallow. She was panting as she gripped onto your thigh, nails leaving marks there. Her other hand reached up to reach the back of your neck as she sped up once again.

“Came back to me just for this…” She breathed out, “She couldn’t make you cum… She could never make you look like this.”

As both of your moans grew louder, Ellie’s grip only tightened on you, the phrase “you’re mine” falling from her lips multiple times. The pleasure and pressure was overwhelming, a deep knot in your stomach was begging to come undone.

“Ellie, I’m going to-”

“Cum,” she demanded as her movements sped up and became more sloppy. She was about burst. As your moans grew louder and faster, and she could tell you were about to cum, she pressed her lips to yours, moaning as her hand that was gripping your thigh rested on your table. You came as she kissed you. 

She pulled away, her leg falling from the table as she leaned against the table, both of her hands gripping the edge. She didn’t want to look up at you, scared that you would have decided by now that you wanted to leave her. Reluctantly she looked up at your sweaty face to see you smiling at her, toothy grin and all making her smile back. 

“Oh, you soooo have a crush on me,” you teased.

“Oh, shut up. So do you.”

[xxelliewxx]

Fire and Frost {Ellie x Reader} Ch. 2

Pairings: loser!(AFAB)Reader x hockey player!Ellie

Synopsis: When y/n is requested to tutor Ellie Williams in organic chemistry, she expects arrogance and attitude from the hockey player. However, she discovers a different aspect of Ellie’s tough exterior, revealed through humor and fleeting glances. This raises the question: why does Ellie go to great lengths to embarrass and harass y/n whenever they are in the presence of others?

Warnings: Mentions of depression, anxiety, sexual/physical assault, alcohol, violence, trauma (if I miss any let me know!)

w/c: 2.4k

an: this is my first time ever posting fanfic on Tumblr, so feedback is completely welcome! this is not proofread and is a work in progress.

Ch 1: Iron Bonds

Carbon Memory

The Chemistry Club frequently served as your refuge where you could momentarily escape your past and current traumas. Serving as the President of the club was something you took pride in, using your position to inspire a deeper love and understanding of such a complex topic. You excelled in event planning, frequently jotting down ideas on your iPad for potential projects to showcase throughout the campus, aimed at attracting new members to the club. With only 15 members to represent, the chemistry club lacked funding to continue its meetings.

Dr. M was confident that you would discover a means to secure additional funding to maintain operations, and her trust in your capabilities rendered failure an impossibility. This is why you found yourself scribbling idea after idea, hoping to promote them at tonight's meeting. Dina, your friend since Freshman year, hovered over your shoulder, providing unwanted commentary, and scoffing at some of your ideas.

"Wow, Y/N, I always knew you were a bit of a nerd, but I didn't realize it was to this level! A scavenger hunt based on the periodic table? Seriously?"

You let out an exasperated sigh at your friend, quickly grabbing your iPad from her grasp and shielding your work, desperate to put an end to the relentless chatter. "Just leave me alone, D. If you're not going to offer the support and ideas you promised, you might as well spend time with Jesse, which is clearly what you prefer."

Dina swatted your arm playfully before taking the seat next to you, glancing at the iPad once more. "Fine, Y/N, I'm just messing with you. Sheesh, what has your panties in a wad?"

You shot her a fierce look, placing the apple pencil aside with a thud. "Dina, I am really not up for this right now. Especially now that I will be losing my mornings to that insufferable Ellie. I can't believe Dr. M would do me dirty like that." You threw your hands up in frustration.

Dina's eyebrows arched high, nearly disappearing into her hair as she exclaimed, "She what?! Seriously, Ellie didn't say a word about this during morning skate yesterday. She always jumps at the opportunity to shit-talk you."

Your jaw dropped at her remark, "Fuck you, Dina." You smacked her shoulder, defensively, fully aware she was just trying to get a rise out of you. Yet, deep down, you knew there was a grain of truth in her jabs. It was no secret that the captain had a strong dislike for you, a mystery you had long since stopped trying to unravel.

Dina giggled, munching on some Twizzlers she produced from her backpack, using it to point at your face. "You know, sometimes I wonder if she just actually want's to fuck you. I mean, seriously, she brings you up far too often. Anytime she brings you up, Coach makes her do suicides in full gear."

You felt a warm flush creep up your cheeks at your friend's teasing remarks, a whirlwind of images flashing through your mind that you desperately tried to banish. "Oh, come on, D, I just want this semester to end. I seriously doubt she'll be in any of my classes again, she's barely passing this one."

The thought of never seeing the auburn haired girl again stirred a whirlwind of feelings within, with relief rising to the forefront. You could daydream. Huffing, you glanced at your watch seeing it was quarter to 8, your nose wrinkled. "Speaking of, I have to go meet Williams in the library in a few. Please text me some of your ideas, I really need your help."

Shoving your iPad into your backpack, you quickly grabbed the Twizzler from Dina's grasp, savoring the sweet, chewy treat. Dina shot you a fierce look, saying, "You're lucky you're my best friend. Have fun on your date." Her eyebrows danced playfully, hinting suggestively.

"Fuck you," You muttered under your breath, slinging your backpack over your shoulder as you left the dining hall. Each step toward the library felt heavy, a sense of dread creeping in with every footfall. This was far from the semester you had envisioned; you were determined to steer clear of the girl as best as you could.

As you checked the time on your watch, a wave of panic washed over you; you were already late for your first tutoring session, and you could already imagine the endless teasing that awaited you. With a swift motion, you pushed open the heavy oak doors and swept your gaze across the study hall. There she was, lounging in the far corner, her feet casually resting on the table as if she owned the place. You couldn't help but roll your eyes as you approached her, noticing her engrossed in scribbling doodles in her notebook.

"You sure know how to keep a girl waiting, don't you, geek?" Ellie kept her gaze fixed on her notebook, playfully teasing without even glancing your way. The nickname that was supposed to be sweet ignited a fire of anger within you, as it was evident that it was being wielded as a tool for mockery rather than affection.

Shoving her feet off the table, you brushed aside her piercing gaze, which was locked onto you with an intimidating animosity, as you began to arrange your study materials. "Not everyone can lounge around looking cool all day while Mommy and Daddy pay for everything, many of us are tied down with responsibilities and jobs."

As you dug into the depths of your backpack to retrieve your textbook, a heavily tattooed hand suddenly crashed down onto its cover, making you flinch in surprise. "Do not speak about me as if you fucking know me. Mention my parents one more time and I will fucking end you."

Your heart raced, and your eyes widened as you struggled to keep your gaze locked with the hockey player. After enduring months of torment, you had resolved long ago to hold your ground with her, and today was no exception. "You need me just as much as I need you so I suggest you get used to the idea of me."

Her hand rested on your textbook, veins pulsing with fury as it shook before she clenched it into a tight fist. "I have no desire to see you as anything other than the loser geek who assisted me in keeping my grades up. To me, that's all you will ever be—nothing beyond that."

You fumed, "I don't know what world you're living in where I have any intention of getting to know you, don't flatter yourself. You see, Ellie, this is your problem is that you have such an inflated ego, thinking that everyone and everything exists just to cater to you."

She leaned back in her chair, arms folded tightly, her fingers twitching as if battling the urge to punch you. With her teeth clenched, Ellie shot back, "Like you said, you need me just as much as I need you. So let's get this over with."

You flipped open your textbook, deliberately avoiding her piercing gaze, silently wishing for this session to pass in a blur. "What are you having trouble with in this class? It's been pretty straightforward until now."

Ellie exhaled loudly, reaching for your wrist that was currently flipping through the pages. "Seriously, dork, if you want this to be as painless as possible you'll cease to insult my intelligence. I get the fundamental ideas; I'm not a fucking moron. I bombed the last test because I struggle with equations, and those organic reactions totally tanked my score."

Throwing your hand out of her grasp, Ellie pulled out her notebook you had been admiring the other day, finding the doodles to be adorable. Adorning the tattered cover were whimsical illustrations inspired by the cosmos and clever wordplay. One particular pun caught your eye: an otter, fishing pole in hand, pulling in a fish with the playful phrase, "I'm Otterly Hooked." You couldn't help but giggle, stifling the sound with your hand.

Ellie quirked an eyebrow, the one with the slit in it that you found oddly appealing, her expression a mix of curiosity and confusion over the cause of your sudden outburst. "Is there something I am missing? What's so funny about me completely wrecking my GPA?"

You could feel her irritation rising as you hurriedly clarified your reasoning to diffuse the escalating tension. "Sorry, but I can't help it—your notebook is adorable! I really enjoy a twist on words."

The hockey player's shoulders visibly eased, the weight of her tension lifting with your confession. She massaged the back of her neck and said, "Yeah, me too," before clearing her throat. Turning her attention back to her test, she focused intently on the red marks scattered across her paper.

An unexpected ease settled in, almost like you guys finding a shared interest on such a mundane subject broke the ice just a little bit.  A grin spread across your face when you noticed the same spark of amusement in the girl with forest-green eyes. Inspiration struck as you hastily pulled out your iPad. The other girl raised an eyebrow at your actions, clearly curious about your next move.

Sticking your tongue out you scribbled out your own version of word-play, exhilaration surging through you. A soft giggle escaped your lips as you added the final details to your artwork, then, with a mix of excitement and nervousness, you placed the device down, eager for Ellie to admire your masterpiece. Leaning herself forward, Ellie chuckled. On your iPad was a shark giving a thumbs-up, bubbles spelling out "Fintastic".

"As much as I love punny jokes, I really need to get some studying done before morning practice," she sighed. "Coach is already breathing down my neck about how I'm 'not demonstrating leadership qualities with my poor grades,'" she said, deepening her voice to mimic her coach, complete with exaggerated air quotes.

You found yourself instinctively extending your arm across the table, taking her hand in yours, a wave of sympathy washing over you. "Even if you stumble on a few tests, it doesn't define your ability to lead. I can see, despite our differences, that you genuinely care for the people around you."

Ellie stopped breathing as she looked down at your hand, as fragrant tendrils of lavender rose to her nose in powerful bursts. You purchased a vial of lavender oil the very night following your encounter, discovering a deep sense of comfort in its soothing aroma. Ellie shook her head vigorously, pulling her hand away from yours with a huff. "Stop pretending you know me, you dork," she muttered, irritation lacing her words.

You couldn't help the hurt that flooded your chest at her actions, making it feel like for every stride you made, you were being pulled two steps back into the shadows. "Whatever, Ellie. Just give me your test packet, I can draw up some practice equations."

Taking the paper from her grasp, you found yourself pleasantly surprised by her handwriting, which you had anticipated to be a jumbled mess. Instead, it was surprisingly tidy and even quite lovely. As you scanned through her incorrect answers, the source of her errors started to become clear. She was neglecting the solvent reactions, a detail that could be easily adjusted.

You looked up at Ellie, noticing her fingers gently gliding over the tattoo on her forearm, which peeked out from under her hockey sweatshirt. The name "Ellie Williams" was elegantly inscribed in flowing cursive across her right chest, accompanied by the school mascot nestled beneath it, her muscles subtly flexing beneath the fabric. Ellie sensed the weight of gazes upon her and locked eyes with you, her expression devoid of any feeling, as if she possessed the power to erase all traces of emotion, making you shiver.

Clearing your throat, embarrassed at being caught staring you asked, "Ellie, do you remember SN1 vs. SN2 or E1 vs. E2?"

Ellie's brows knitted together in confusion as she shook her head. "No, I don't. Was that part of the test?" As she reached for her paper, her finger brushed against yours while she held onto the packet. She appeared completely unfazed by the contact, but you felt a rush of emotions from that fleeting touch, struggling to suppress the stir of feelings it ignited within you.

Ellie's confusion morphed into frustration as she flung the paper onto the table between you two, her arms crossing defiantly, a familiar gesture of hers. "When the fuck did we learn this? I feel like I would have remembered that shit."

Reflecting on the time when the hockey player was missing from the lecture hall, you pinpointed the date when this chapter was covered. "We went over this two weeks ago, right at the end of September. But you weren't around," you said softly, the last part slipping out almost shyly, not wanting to make her uncomfortable with how closely you had noticed her attendance. She had been absent for a whole week, and even her friends were left in the dark about the reasons for her disappearance.

You had failed to be discreet as she instantly caught on to your observation. "How do you remember when I was or wasn't in class," Ellie asked, her tone surprisingly warm rather than angry, as if she appreciated your attention. The flicker of warmth quickly vanished as she shook her head. "Whatever, it's not a big deal, I will just talk with Dr. M and this whole arrangement can be finished."

Ellie didn't pause for your response; she sprang to her feet, shoving her books and notes into her backpack with a sense of urgency. In a whirlwind of emotion, she dashed out of the library, leaving you in a state of turmoil. The air around you felt heavy with silence as you sat there, rooted to your chair, struggling to muster the strength to move. Confusion swirled in your mind, and it wasn't until you finally resolved to gather your belongings that you began to erase any trace of your encounter, clearing the table as if to wipe away the memory of her presence.

As you reached for your iPad to lock the screen, your gaze was caught by a whimsical illustration beside your shark. There, next to the fierce creature, was a cheerful seal donning a festive party hat, joyfully proclaiming "Sealebration." The image stirred a wave of melancholy within you, a reminder of the frustration you felt over her unwillingness to engage with you civilly, despite the undeniable connection that seemed to linger between you.

A message pinged, shattering your focus on the scene before you. You grabbed your phone, heart racing with the hope that it was from a particular athlete. Your enthusiasm fizzled out the moment you saw Dina's name flashing on your notifications.

Dina: How about a Periodic Table Fashion Show! We could call it "Atomic Fashion" or "Noble Gas Glam"

For once, you didn't find amusement in a pun.

[heavenbloom]

things i’m working on;

a/n: i have no idea when most of these will be out specifically but the semester is ending and i can’t wait to write as much as i can next week onwards! all are subject to slight changes and of course, all will be 18+. minors do not interact.

an embrace of thorns ch. 2: usurper | knight!abby x princess!reader

the aftermath of your crimes, in which abigail is imprisoned for taking the blame. you want to let what passed between the both of you to rot, but guilt gnaws at your aching bones…

vampire!abby headcanons

for halloween so this will probably come out in the coming days! inspired by carmilla and dracula. haunting, gothic and romantic.

coffee smell and lilac skin | bartender!ellie x rich fem!reader

ellie knows the patrons are off-limits, yet she finds herself engulfed in the thought of you. with your fire-lit gaze and the hollow tap of your manicured nails, she finds the walls of mere fantasy being chipped away. rules were made to be broken, right?

smutty!!! heavily inspired by the song everybody here wants you by jeff buckley

red wine supernova | dina

for my fellow awkward fems who get flustered when a pretty girl talks to them. i’ve only written points for this one but think sexually charged glances, lipstick stains on skimpy satin tops and press-on nails

obviously inspired by red wine supernova by chappell roan lol (one of the only 3 songs ik by her but it’s so catchy🫶🏼)

heavenbloom theatre | abby, dina, ellie

a series of oneshots based on my favourite films!!! this one will take me a long time, but i’m so excited to do it. i’m still deciding on some of the films but at the moment i have started an in the mood for love (2000) one for abby and a bound (1996) one for ellie. thinking of covering a dramatic bollywood period piece and maybe a slow, dreamy japanese film too, but these aren’t set in stone. more info to come💛

[dxntloseurhead]

some campaigns i have been asked to share

please donate if you can!!!

ali miqdad and his family: €2,404 / €70,000 raised as of october 7, 2024

youssef abu al-rish and his family: €2,395 / €50,000 raised as of october 7, 2024

safaa and her family: €40,905 / €90,000 raised as of october 7, 2024

maryam and her family: €2,180 / €20,000 raised as of october 7, 2024

mahmoud abu swierh: $13,004 / $15,000 raised as of october 7, 2024

hadeel mikki and her family: €17,616 / €35,000 raised as of october 7, 2024

walaa and her siblings: $13,013 / $50,000 raised as of october 7, 2024

tahani shorbajee and her family: $19,861 / $50,000 raised as of october 7, 2024

haya nahed and her family: €91,507 / €100,000 raised as of october 7, 2024

ahmed alanqar and his family: €63,723 / €75,000 raised as of october 7, 2024

please donate to help these families, and please share this post !!!

[elliesbabygirl]

ch.006 ⇄ ch.007; Loving You - Wet Leg

"Sorry if I seem a little bit upset, when you say she looks a little bit like me when we first met"

my masterlist.

word count: 4.1k words

series synopsis: friends with benefits, that's what ellie wanted. yet, she can't let you go, even after the messy 'breakup' between the two of you.

Warnings: mentions of cheating (don't cheat irl you guys!), multiple characters arguing, emotional breakdown for reader, bed rotting, swearing, use of y/n, and Dina acting like a mother hen to you cause we LOVE Dina here + Jesse being DIna's sidekick boyfriend aka mama & papa. (still not proofread)

author's note: ch.007 is finally here!! It's been a crazy week you guys. Both physically and emotionally, I know I'm just a fan writer on here, but I wanted to let y'all know that I had to say goodbye to a friend of mine, permanently, earlier this month. It's been an intense battle of grief, and I'm just trying to work through it cause I'm not that great with emotions, but I wanted to tell y'all, just in case if these ch. updates become a bit slower during this month ❤️. Thank you for understanding.

The air in Abby’s apartment was thick—heavy with tension, with anger, with something even more desperate lying underneath it all.

She stood in front of you, arms crossed so tightly over her chest it looked like she was physically holding herself together. Her jaw was locked, eyes narrowed, but the way her fingers dug into her arms gave her away. She wasn’t just angry. She was hurt.

“So how long?” Her voice was too even—eerily calm, like she was forcing herself to stay in control.

Your stomach twisted painfully, fingers anxiously gripping the hem of your hoodie—Ellie’s hoodie, you realized a second too late. “Abby, I—”

“How long, y/n.” she repeated, sharper this time.

You exhaled shakily, looking down. “A few weeks.”

A bitter, humorless laugh escaped her. “A few weeks,” she echoed, shaking her head. “So this whole time—” She cut herself off, inhaling sharply through her nose. “God, I should’ve known.”

“Abby, please,” you rushed out, voice barely above a whisper. “It wasn’t supposed to—”

“What? Happen?” she snapped, taking a step closer. “You used me. You made me think—” Her breath hitched slightly, her fists clenching. “You let me think you still wanted me, and the whole time, you were—” She sucked in another breath, closing her eyes briefly before looking at you again. “Why?”

Your chest ached. “I didn’t mean to hurt you,” you whispered.

Abby let out another sharp breath, running a hand through her hair. “Then what did you mean to do?” she shot back. “Because if it wasn’t to hurt me, then what the fuck was it?”

You opened your mouth, but nothing came out. Because the truth was—you didn’t know.

Abby took another step closer, something shifting in her expression. “Tell me something,” she said quietly. “If I kiss you right now… would it mean anything?”

You sucked in a breath, lips parting—but before you could answer, Abby moved.

Her hands cupped your face firmly, fingers digging into your skin, and then her lips were on yours. The kiss was desperate, frantic, like she was trying to prove something—to remind you of what you had, of what you were throwing away.

You gasped into it, your hands flying up to her arms, not pushing her away but not pulling her in either.

Abby kissed you harder, her lips parting against yours, her grip tightening like she was afraid you’d disappear. “Please,” she murmured between kisses, her breath shaky. “Please don’t do this. I—” She broke off, her forehead pressing against yours. “I don’t know what I did wrong. Just tell me. Tell me how to fix it, please."

Your chest caved in on itself at the sound of her voice—so broken, so pleading.

You squeezed your eyes shut. “Abby—”

“Do you still want me?” she whispered. “Even a little?”

Her lips hovered over yours, so close you could still taste her, still feel the ghost of her desperation against your skin.

But instead of answering, you just—stepped back.

The moment you did, something shattered in Abby’s face. Her hands dropped from your cheeks, falling lifelessly to her sides as she just stared at you.

And then, barely above a whisper—”It doesn’t even matter, does it?”

Your throat burned, like you wanted to throw up, to expel all the evil out of you.

You turned away. “I’m so sorry,” you said, and it sounded horrible, like it didn’t even begin to cover what you’d done to Abby.

Abby let out a short, quiet breath, then nodded once. “Yeah,” she said, voice hollow. “Me too.”

“she treated you like shit, y'know that, right?” She looked to the side, not bothering to make eye contact with you, like you were repulsive to her eyesight.

"I know that, Abby," you whispered.

Seconds before the incident

The hallway outside the lecture hall buzzed with students spilling out in groups, chatting and laughing as they walked toward the exits. You moved beside Abby, her presence grounding in its usual way, her eyes flicking between you and the phone in her hands as she mumbled something about her dad’s visit.

And then—Ellie.

Leaning against the far wall, her hands stuffed in the pocket of her hoodie, her gaze locked onto you the second you stepped into view.

Your breath hitched.

There was something in the way she looked at you—something unguarded, something real. The corner of her lips twitched up, that familiar smirk she always wore just for you.

You should’ve looked away.

But you didn’t.

Abby hadn’t noticed her yet. She was still scrolling on her phone, shoulders slightly hunched, completely unaware of the way your pulse had started hammering beneath your skin.

And then Ellie started towards you.

Not a second of hesitation. No glancing around, no checking to see if anyone was watching.

Just you.

Before you could react, she was there, invading your space, hands reaching up to cup your face as she tilted your chin, her touch gentle but sure.

And then—

Lips. Soft. Familiar. Ellie.

The kiss was firm, deep, and most importantly, it was unashamed.

yet, your stomach dropped.

A sharp inhale, a jolt of panic flooding your veins as your muscles locked up.

Ellie barely pulled back, just enough to let her breath hit your lips as she murmured, “hi stranger”

And then—

“What the fuck?”

The voice cut through the air like a blade.

Ellie froze against you, her fingers tensing at your jaw. Your stomach turned to ice as your head snapped to the side.

Abby stood just a step behind you, phone now lowered, eyes locked on the two of you with pure disbelief.

“What the fuck?” she repeated, voice rough, lower this time.

For a second, it was like she was trying to process what she was seeing. Like maybe—maybe—this was just a slip-up, a moment of impulse from Ellie.

But then you saw it—the exact moment the pieces clicked in Abby's head.

The way her lips parted slightly, as if something was slotting into place in her head.

Every weird moment, every time you’d been jittery around her. The way you barely reacted when she said she’d be busy with her dad’s visit—no complaints, no sad comments about how you’d miss her. How you weren’t even that upset about the distance.

All those times she’d noticed you were distracted when studying, your eyes darting to your phone, fingers twitching like you were waiting for a text—like you were waiting for Ellie.

She had brushed it off before, let it slide, assumed it was nothing.

But now?

Now, she knew.

Her jaw clenched, something dark passing over her face, her breathing uneven.

“What the fuck,” she said again, this time with something more than shock—something like betrayal, like anger.

You felt Ellie straighten beside you, tense, but she didn’t say anything.

Neither did you.

Because what could you say?

The door slammed shut behind you two.

Ellie stood a few feet away, breathing heavily, fist clenched at her side as she ran a hand through her hair, tugging at the ends in frustration.

“I thought—fuck, I thought—you ended things with Abby,” she spat, her voice rough, edged with something dangerously close to hurt.

You exhaled sharply, shaking your head, already exhausted by where this was headed.

“Ellie—”

“No, don’t fucking ‘Ellie’ me right now,” she cut in, stepping forward, eyes burning. “That morning—after you stayed over, after I fucking made you breakfast, after we sat on my couch watching stupid fucking TV—I thought we were done with all the sneaking around. I thought you were done with Abby.”

Her voice cracked slightly at the end, and that pissed her off more than anything else.

You inhaled through your nose, hands tightening into fists as you tried to keep your emotions in check.

“It’s not that simple,” you shot back, jaw tightening.

“What’s not simple about it?” Ellie scoffed, eyes narrowing. “You still kept seeing her—hell, you lied to me about it. Don’t act like that’s nothing.”

You glared at her, heat rising in your chest.

“Oh, don’t fucking start,” you bit out. “Don’t act like you’re some innocent bystander in this, Ellie. Like you weren’t the one who started this whole mess.”

She blinked, mouth parting slightly before snapping shut, nostrils flaring.

“I never lied to you about how I felt,” she shot back. “I never pretended I didn’t want you. I wanted you. I chose you. But you—you just kept Abby in your back pocket, didn’t you?”

“That’s not fucking fair.”

“Isn’t it?” she laughed, bitter and sharp.

Your chest heaved, frustration, guilt, and something even darker bubbling inside you.

Ellie shook her head, stepping back slightly, dragging her hands down her face before looking at you again.

“You—” she hesitated, swallowing thickly, looking at you like she was seeing you for the first time. “you’re…you’re different.”

That stopped you in your tracks.

“Different?” you repeated, something twisting in your gut.

She nodded, jaw clenched. “Yeah. I mean—fuck. When I look at you, I still see you, but—” her voice faltered. “You’re not the same girl I fell in love with.”

A sharp laugh left your lips, humorless and dry.

“Oh, so now we're comparing me to who I used to be?” you snapped, stepping forward.

Ellie’s lips pressed into a thin line, her green eyes searching yours.

“You know what, Ellie? You made me this way,” you continued, your voice shaking slightly. “All the arguing, all the fucking fights, all the sneaking around behind Abby’s back—lying to her, lying to myself—everything I did was because of you.”

Her brows furrowed, something flashing across her face—something like regret, but buried beneath layers and layers of anger.

“I’m not that same girl you fell in love with because you broke her,” you said, voice quieter but laced with a sharp edge. “So don’t fucking stand there and act surprised that I’m different now, that I’m…some bitch..or something.”

The room fell into silence.

Ellie just stared at you, her chest rising and falling rapidly, fists still tight at her sides.

Ellie stood there, her lips parted like she wanted to say something—anything—but nothing came out. Her fingers twitched at her sides, and her jaw locked like she was biting back whatever was bubbling up in her throat.

But you weren’t done. Not even close.

“I was fine before you came back,” you spat, voice shaking, eyes burning. “I was fine with Abby. I was moving on. I was—” you exhaled sharply, gripping your own arms, shaking your head. “And then you—you just had to squeeze yourself back into my fucking life.”

Ellie’s eyes flickered, her throat bobbing as she swallowed hard.

“You showed up outside my dorm that night, after my date with Abby—” your voice broke slightly, but you pushed through it. “You fucking fought her, Ellie. Right there, in front of me, like—like a jealous, possessive—”

Ellie flinched, her face contorting for a second, but she didn’t interrupt.

“And then you kissed me in your truck,” you went on, breath coming out shaky, hands trembling at your sides. “You knew I was with Abby, and you still—God, Ellie, I—”

You let out a ragged breath, voice thick with something messy and painful.

“I hate you,” you whispered, barely audible. “I hate how you make me feel. I hate that I let you ruin me.”

Ellie inhaled sharply, like you had just punched the air out of her lungs.

“You turned me into a broken toy, Ellie,” you continued, voice cracking completely now, your vision blurry from unshed tears. “I can’t even look at myself without thinking about what a horrible fucking person I am. I lied to Abby. I hurt her. I used her. And for what?”

Your breath hitched as your arms wrapped around yourself, your whole body trembling now.

“For you? For some stupid, fucked-up, selfish part of me that still wants you even when I know I shouldn’t?”

A tear slipped down your cheek, then another, and then another, and suddenly, you couldn’t hold it back anymore.

You broke.

Everything—the regret, the anger, the guilt—came crashing down all at once. Your knees felt weak, your chest was heaving, and you could barely catch your breath between the sobs clawing their way up your throat.

You barely registered Ellie stepping closer, her hand hovering near your arm, like she wanted to touch you but wasn’t sure if she was allowed to.

“Hey,” she said, softly, hesitantly. “Hey, come on, don’t—”

But you just shook your head, violently jerking back, your sobs turning into hiccuped gasps as you covered your face with your hands.

“I’m a horrible person,” you choked out. “I’m—God, I—I don’t even know who I am anymore.”

Ellie just sat there, helpless, watching you fall apart in front of her.

Ellie reached out hesitantly, her fingers grazing your arm before she let them fall back to her side. “Hey,” she tried again, softer this time. “Just… breathe, okay? You’re not—”

“Don’t,” you cut her off, voice raw, eyes bloodshot. You wiped your face roughly, shaking your head. “You always do this, Ellie.”

Her brows furrowed. “Do what?”

“This,” you gestured between the two of you, voice cracking. “Coming to my rescue. Trying to fix me like—like we’re not fucking doomed.”

Ellie clenched her jaw, looking like she wanted to argue, but you didn’t give her the chance.

“What are we even doing?” you whispered, voice breaking. “We tried this already. It didn’t work.”

Ellie swallowed hard, her eyes searching yours for something—anything—that would tell her this wasn’t the end. That she hadn’t completely lost you. But all she saw was exhaustion, heartbreak, and something close to regret.

“I don’t know,” she repeated, voice hoarse, barely above a whisper. “But I don’t know how to stop either.”

You let out a shaky breath, running a hand through your hair. “Ellie—”

“I know it’s fucked,” she interrupted, her voice strained, desperate. “I know we don’t work, and maybe we never will. But I can’t—” She exhaled sharply, scooting forward like she wanted to grab you, to pull you back in, but she stopped herself. “I can’t just let you go.”

Your lip trembled, but you bit it, shaking your head. “But you already did once.”

Ellie flinched like you had struck her. Her fingers twitched at her sides, aching to reach for you, to fix things the way she always tried to—by touching, by kissing, by making you forget how much she had broken you.

But this wasn’t something she could fix, and deep down, she knew that.

Still, she tried.

“Please,” she whispered, voice cracking, like begging would somehow rewrite everything that had happened. Like it would make you hers again.

But you just looked at her, eyes filled with too many emotions for her to untangle, and she realized—maybe for the first time—that she had already lost you.

The room was a disaster. Clothes were scattered across the floor, some half-folded from past attempts at organizing, most just kicked into the corners when you gave up.

The sink in the small dorm kitchenette was stacked with takeout containers, empty cups, and utensils that had long since needed rinsing. The air was stale, thick with the smell of food wrappers, fabric softener, and something unmistakably Ellie—her hoodie, still unwashed, still wrapped around you like a second skin.

Your phone buzzed on the nightstand, again.

Ellie.

You didn’t have to check to know. The notifications all blurred together at this point, endless messages pleading, apologizing, and begging you to just talk.

Ellie: I need to see you.

Ellie: Please answer me.

Ellie: I know I fucked up but please just—just let us try.

Ellie: I miss you so much.

And then there was Dina.

Dina: You can't do this forever y/n, we're coming over and don't fight it. Jesse's making you eat if I have to tie you down myself.

You sighed, turning onto your side, still cocooned in the blankets, eyes dry from too much staring at the ceiling. It wasn’t like you were crying. You felt too… hollow for that, maybe you had used up all your tears already.

Two weeks.

Two weeks since you screamed at Ellie. Since you told Abby the truth. Since everything had gone to absolute shit.

And there you were. Bedrotting in the same clothes you had worn for days, your only company the low hum of the mini-fridge and the never-ending flood of messages you refused to answer.

Your stomach rumbled. You ignored it.

A knock sounded at the door.

You ignored that too.

But then came Dina’s voice—loud, unyielding, and filled with that stubborn concern you knew wasn’t going to let up.

“Open the fucking door before Jesse breaks it down, y/n.”

A pause.

“She's serious, y/n.” Jesse spoke, his voice more muffled than DIna's.

You barely had the energy to move, but you knew Dina well enough to understand that if you didn’t open the door, she’d find a way in regardless.

With a deep sigh, you dragged yourself out of bed, the floor cold against your bare feet. Your limbs felt heavy, sluggish from days of lying in the same position, your head pounding from a mix of dehydration and exhaustion. You shuffled towards the door, hesitated for half a second, then unlocked it and pulled it open.

Dina didn’t even give you a second to react before stepping inside, Jesse following close behind.

“Jesus fucking Christ,” Dina muttered under her breath, eyes sweeping over you.

You knew what she was seeing—the baggy, wrinkled clothes that you hadn’t changed in days, the unwashed hair, the deep exhaustion carved into your features. You must’ve looked like shit. Hell, you felt like literal shit.

Jesse didn’t say anything, but you caught the way his lips pressed together, his eyes flickering around the apartment like he was trying to keep himself from commenting.

Dina exhaled sharply, then gently grabbed your wrist and pulled you towardS the couch. “Alright, sit.”

You didn’t argue. Not like you had the energy to.

Dina sat beside you, legs tucked under her as she turned to face you fully. “Alright,” she started, voice softer now. “We gotta talk about the fucking disaster that is your life right now.”

Jesse, meanwhile, silently wandered further into the dorm. You watched as he took in the piles of clothes, the empty food containers, the general mess that had accumulated. Without a word, he started picking up the discarded takeout boxes, stacking them up to throw away.

You swallowed, trying to focus on Dina as she gave you a pointed look. “You look like a damn ghost,” she said, concern evident in her tone. “When was the last time you even ate real food?”

You shrugged, barely remembering. “I dunno… couple days ago?”

Dina’s expression darkened. “Yeah, okay, that’s fucking unacceptable.” She reached forward, squeezing your hand. “Look, I know everything is a mess. I know you’re hurting. But this?” She gestured around the room. “This isn’t helping, babe.”

You didn’t respond. Just stared at the floor, your chest tight.

Dina sighed, her voice gentler. “Ellie?”

Your breath hitched.

Dina nodded, as if she knew exactly where your mind had gone. “Yeah. I figured. That whole fucking situation is a wreck, but… you gotta stop doing this to yourself.”

You swallowed thickly, guilt twisting in your stomach. “Abby,” you murmured, barely above a whisper. “I—I fucked her over too.”

Dina’s face softened. “Yeah,” she admitted. “You did.”

The weight of it crushed you further. You shut your eyes, willing the burning in them to go away.

Dina squeezed your hand again. “I’m not here to tell you you’re a horrible person. I’m here because I love you. And because, quite frankly, I refuse to let you rot away in here over two relationships that clearly broke you.”

You opened your eyes, finally looking at her. “I don’t know what to do,” you admitted, your voice small, broken.

Dina gave you a sad smile. “Step one? Eat something. Step two? Shower. Step three? We figure out the rest after.”

Behind her, Jesse was already tossing the last of the trash into a bag, wordlessly cleaning up the disaster zone that had become your apartment.

Dina didn’t let you sit in your misery any longer. The moment Jesse finished clearing the coffee table of empty takeout boxes, she stood up, offering you her hand.

“Alright, up,” she said, her tone leaving no room for argument. “You’re getting in the shower before I have to force you in there myself.”

You groaned, rubbing at your tired eyes. “D, I don’t—”

“Nope,” she cut you off. “I don’t care. You stink, babe.”

Jesse made a noise from across the room, barely concealing a laugh. You shot him a glare, but he held his hands up in surrender.

Dina yanked you up before you could keep sulking, practically dragging you toward the bathroom. “Go,” she ordered, shoving a towel into your hands. “Let hot water work its magic, and I swear to god, wash your fucking hair.”

You muttered something unintelligible, but stepped inside and shut the door behind you, locking it before leaning against the sink with a deep sigh. You caught your reflection in the mirror, and for a second, you almost didn’t recognize yourself. The dark circles under your eyes, the hollowed look of your cheeks—it was like you were seeing a stranger.

Dina was right. This was bad.

You turned the shower on, waiting until steam filled the room before stripping off Ellie’s hoodie and the rest of your clothes. The moment the water hit you, the tension in your shoulders melted away, and you realized how much you had needed this.

Outside the bathroom

Jesse finished tying up the garbage bag, walking back into the main room where Dina was already brainstorming. “Alright,” he started, “so how are we doing this?”

Dina sighed, crossing her arms. “I take care of her, obviously. Get her back on her feet, force her to eat, maybe even get her to go outside like a functioning person again.”

Jesse nodded, setting the trash down near the door. “And Ellie?”

Dina pressed her lips together, thinking. “I mean… you could talk to her. You two have your whole bro thing going on. Maybe she’d open up.”

Jesse hummed, considering it. “I could try. But you know how she is. She’ll just pretend she’s fine.”

Dina groaned, running a hand through her hair. “Yeah, you’re right. And I don’t have the energy to deal with both her and this mess at the same time.”

Jesse smirked. “You mean your patient?” He gestured towards the bathroom door.

Dina shot him a look. “Shut up.”

They both sighed, ultimately deciding against trying to get through to Ellie just yet. Jesse grabbed the trash bag and headed for the door. “I’ll be back,” he said. “Try not to let her crawl back into bed the second she gets out.”

Dina rolled her eyes but gave him a thumbs-up as he left, the door clicking shut behind him.

Now alone, Dina glanced around, taking in the disaster zone of a dorm. Clothes were scattered everywhere, half-folded laundry left forgotten in baskets. She sighed to herself, then got to work, picking up a hoodie off the floor and folding it.

She figured, at the very least, this would kill time until you got out of the shower.

The moment you stepped out of the bathroom, a cloud of steam following in your wake, Dina was on you like a mother hen. She gave you a once-over, her eyes narrowing in approval at your slightly revived appearance. Your hair, now damp and slightly curling at the ends, dripped onto your shoulders as you adjusted the towel wrapped around yourself.

“Alright,” Dina clapped her hands together, already moving toward your dresser. “You’re not getting back into that hoodie. I love you, but that thing is disgusting.”

You sighed, too drained to argue, as she started sifting through your clothes.

Jesse had just gotten back, shutting the door behind him as he plopped onto the small couch. He leaned back, arms stretched across the top, watching with mild amusement as his girlfriend bossed you around.

“This one,” Dina declared, tossing a clean shirt and some sweatpants onto the bed. She turned back to you, arms crossed. “Put it on. And don’t even think about crawling back into bed.”

You gave her a tired look but did as you were told, pulling on the clothes while Dina stood guard. She didn’t say anything until you were fully dressed, at which point she took a step forward and placed her hands on your shoulders, squeezing them gently.

“Okay, listen,” she started, her tone softer now. “I know you’re hurting. And I know everything is a mess right now. But you cannot let this consume you. You’re better than that.”

Jesse, who had been idly scrolling through his phone, glanced up. “She’s right, you know,” he added.

Dina shot him a look. “Obviously, I’m right.”

You let out a weak chuckle, shaking your head. It wasn’t much, but it made Dina smile, satisfied that she was at least getting through to you a little.

Before she could say anything else, there was a knock at the door.

Jesse sighed, pushing himself up from the couch. “I got it,” he muttered, making his way over.

When he cracked the door open, his expression immediately soured.

Ellie stood on the other side, looking just as disheveled as you had before your shower. Her hoodie was wrinkled, her hair messy like she had been running her fingers through it all night. Dark circles hung under her eyes, and she shifted on her feet, hands stuffed in her pockets.

Jesse groaned under his breath, stepping into the hallway and pulling the door shut behind him.

“Ellie,” he started, pinching the bridge of his nose. “You can’t just drop in like this.”

Ellie scoffed, shifting uncomfortably. “I just wanted to see her.”

Jesse gave her a look. “After breaking up for the second time?”

Ellie opened her mouth, then closed it, jaw tightening.

Jesse sighed. “Look, man. She’s not doing great. You showing up like this isn’t gonna help.”

Ellie swallowed, glancing at the closed door behind him. “I just…” she trailed off, her voice quieter now. “I don’t know what else to do.”

Jesse hesitated, his frustration easing slightly at the way Ellie looked so completely lost. But still, he stood his ground.

“You give her space,” he told her. “And maybe… give yourself some too.”

Ellie didn’t respond right away, just staring down at the floor.

Jesse let out another sigh, softer this time. “Go home, Ellie.”

Ellie shifted on her feet, her jaw tightening as Jesse blocked the door, his arms crossed. She glanced toward the handle, resisting the urge to push past him.

“Jesse, come on,” she muttered, trying to keep her voice level. “I haven’t seen her in two weeks. I need to see her.”

Jesse exhaled, rubbing the back of his neck. “Ellie, man… you showing up like this? Not a good look.”

Ellie huffed, shifting her weight. “I just—I don’t know what else to do. She won’t answer my texts, she won’t call me back, and I know she’s not okay.”

Jesse gave her a pointed look. “Yeah, no shit. She’s been a mess, Ellie. That’s why Dina’s in there with her, trying to help her get her shit together.”

Ellie clenched her fists, her frustration bubbling up. “And what, I can’t be there for her?”

Jesse let out a dry laugh, shaking his head. “Are you serious? Ellie, you are half the reason she’s like this. You broke up twice. You told me yourself that you don’t even recognize her anymore. That she’s not the same as before.”

Ellie stiffened, the words hitting her like a gut punch.

Jesse pressed on. “So what is it? You only want her when she’s breaking down? You don’t get to push her away one second and then show up out of nowhere like you didn’t say all that shit.”

Ellie opened her mouth, then closed it, her throat tightening.

Jesse softened just slightly, letting out a sigh. “Look, I know you care about her. But this isn’t the way. If you actually want to make things right, you gotta give her time, man. You gotta let her figure out who she is without you fucking up her head.”

Ellie swallowed hard, looking away. She hated this. Hated how Jesse was right.

Jesse watched her for a moment before shaking his head. “Go home, Ellie.”

Ellie didn’t move at first, her hands twitching at her sides. Then, finally, she took a step back. Her eyes flickered toward the door one last time before she turned and walked off down the hall, shoulders tense.

Jesse sighed, this whole thing was a fucking disaster.

Jesse stepped back into the dorm, shutting the door behind him with an easy shrug. “Just some dude looking for the wrong room,” he said casually, brushing off the interruption as he made his way over to the bed where you and Dina were sitting.

Dina barely spared him a glance at first, too focused on her pep talk, but when Jesse caught her eye, he gave her a pointed look. No words needed—Dina knew exactly who had been at the door.

Dina sighed through her nose but didn’t say anything, instead turning back to you, where you were sitting cross-legged, absently fiddling with the hem of the shirt you was wearing.

Jesse plopped down next to you two , rubbing his hands together. “Alright, so, I was thinking,” he started, nudging Dina’s shoulder. “The best way to pull someone out of a funk? Movie marathon. No sad shit, though—only classics.”

Dina hummed in agreement, shooting you a look. “He’s got a point. You need to actually do something other than lay in bed and doomscroll.”

Jesse grinned. “Exactly. We’ll get snacks, order some takeout. Hell, we’ll even let you pick the first movie.”

You gave them both a tired look, but the corners of your mouth twitched, just barely. “That’s a lot of pressure.”

Dina scoffed. “Please, like you don’t have a comfort movie you’ve watched a million times.”

Jesse leaned back against the pillows, throwing an arm behind his head. “See? This is already a great plan. We’re killing it.”

Dina rolled her eyes but smiled, while you sighed, finally giving a small, reluctant nod.

Maybe this was what you needed. Just a night to forget.

© elliesbabygirl - all rights reserved. do not copy, translate or share my work on other media platforms.

Author's note: of course as always, thank you so much for reading my series you guys!! And thank you for understanding my current situation, again I'm so sorry that this ch. is late due to life rapidly changing overnight but please hug your loved ones and show them some appreciation for me❤️. As always, please feel free to comment and also fill my inbox up, I'll respond to them, once I have a moment alone.

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