#Cat and Pizza Humor

[kkeval]

Pizza is My Valentine - Cute Cat Design

This playful design featuring an adorable cat declaring "Pizza is My Valentine" is perfect for anyone who loves pizza more than flowers or chocolates! Available on t-shirts, mugs, posters, stickers, pins, and more. Just click the link and explore a variety of creative and heartwarming designs for Valentine’s Day.

[n-u-b-e-s-n-e-g-r-a-s]

[relapsetoblack]

Pizza thief

[redstringraven]

https://www.tumblr.com/lec743/735655644952215552

^ Listen I feel like this is a convo where Mikey would join in lol

(clickable link to post/artwork)

>xDD first of all, i shake hands with aloy and hate all of you clowns for exposing me to this. unforgivable. utter betrayal. goddamnit.

idk if he'd contribute to it, but he'd probably be in that last panel trying to help aloy back to her feet while wheezing and coughing on his own breath before he decides standing is futile and just lies down on the floor with her, so maybe alva and don will just think they're chilling.

we need don's neutral face of displeasure to save us.

[frangipani-wanderlust]

It's been a minute, but is this handwriting at all similar to the dad that left pizza money with Meatloaf the cat?

[amacskadoboza]

Space Cats - AI

[regimepure]

Jeûne intermittent 16/8 : Une approche révolutionnaire pour une meilleure santé

Le jeûne intermittent 16/8 est une méthode de nutrition qui consiste à alterner entre des périodes de jeûne de 16 heures et des périodes d'alimentation de 8 heures. Cette approche est de plus en plus populaire en raison de ses nombreux bienfaits pour la santé et de sa simplicité d’application. Dans cet article, nous explorerons en détail les avantages, les mécanismes et les conseils pratiques pour adopter le jeûne intermittent 16/8 de manière efficace.

Les bienfaits du jeûne intermittent 16/8

1. Perte de poids et gestion de la graisse corporelle

L'un des principaux avantages du jeûne intermittent 16/8 est la perte de poids. En limitant la période d'alimentation à 8 heures, le corps a plus de temps pour brûler les graisses stockées. De plus, le jeûne améliore la sensibilité à l'insuline, ce qui permet une meilleure gestion des niveaux de sucre dans le sang et réduit le stockage des graisses.

2. Amélioration de la santé métabolique

Le jeûne intermittent peut améliorer divers marqueurs de la santé métabolique, notamment la pression artérielle, les niveaux de cholestérol et les niveaux de triglycérides. En réduisant l'inflammation et en optimisant les processus métaboliques, cette méthode aide à prévenir des maladies chroniques telles que le diabète de type 2 et les maladies cardiovasculaires.

3. Augmentation de l'énergie et de la clarté mentale

De nombreuses personnes rapportent une augmentation de l'énergie et une meilleure clarté mentale lorsqu'elles pratiquent le jeûne intermittent. Cela est dû en partie à la stabilisation des niveaux de sucre dans le sang et à une meilleure utilisation des graisses comme source d'énergie. De plus, le jeûne intermittent favorise la production de protéines neurotrophiques qui soutiennent la santé cérébrale.

4. Longévité et protection contre les maladies

Les études suggèrent que le jeûne intermittent peut augmenter la longévité et protéger contre diverses maladies liées à l'âge. En induisant des processus de réparation cellulaire tels que l'autophagie, le corps élimine les cellules endommagées et favorise la régénération.

Les mécanismes derrière le jeûne intermittent 16/8

1. Autophagie

L'autophagie est un processus où les cellules décomposent et recyclent les composants endommagés. Ce processus est crucial pour le maintien de la santé cellulaire et est activé par le jeûne. En pratiquant le jeûne intermittent, nous stimulons ce mécanisme de nettoyage cellulaire, ce qui peut prévenir diverses maladies.

2. Production de cétones

Pendant le jeûne, lorsque les réserves de glucose sont épuisées, le corps commence à produire des cétones à partir des graisses stockées. Les cétones sont une source d'énergie efficace pour le cerveau et peuvent améliorer les fonctions cognitives et l'énergie globale.

3. Sensibilité à l'insuline

La sensibilité à l'insuline est essentielle pour réguler les niveaux de sucre dans le sang. Le jeûne intermittent améliore cette sensibilité, réduisant ainsi le risque de résistance à l'insuline et de diabète de type 2. En maintenant des niveaux d'insuline stables, le corps est moins susceptible de stocker des graisses.

Comment pratiquer le jeûne intermittent 16/8

1. Planification des repas

Pour pratiquer le jeûne intermittent 16/8, il est important de choisir une fenêtre d'alimentation de 8 heures qui convient à votre style de vie. Par exemple, vous pouvez choisir de manger entre 12h00 et 20h00. Durant cette période, il est crucial de consommer des repas équilibrés riches en nutriments essentiels.

2. Hydratation

Pendant les 16 heures de jeûne, il est essentiel de rester bien hydraté. L'eau, le thé et le café non sucré sont des options excellentes. La bonne hydratation aide à minimiser les sensations de faim et soutient les fonctions corporelles.

3. Adapter progressivement

Pour ceux qui sont nouveaux dans le jeûne intermittent, il est recommandé de commencer progressivement. Par exemple, commencez par un jeûne de 12 heures et augmentez progressivement jusqu'à 16 heures. Cette approche progressive permet au corps de s'adapter sans stress excessif.

4. Éviter les excès

Même pendant la fenêtre d'alimentation, il est crucial d'éviter les excès alimentaires. Consommez des aliments nutritifs tels que des légumes, des fruits, des protéines maigres et des graisses saines. Les excès alimentaires peuvent annuler les bienfaits du jeûne en provoquant des pics de sucre dans le sang et un stockage excessif de graisses.

Précautions et contre-indications

1. Consultation médicale

Avant de commencer le jeûne intermittent 16/8, il est recommandé de consulter un professionnel de santé, surtout si vous avez des conditions médicales préexistantes. Le jeûne intermittent peut ne pas convenir à tout le monde, et une consultation médicale peut vous aider à déterminer s'il est sûr et adapté à votre situation.

2. Écouter son corps

Il est important de rester à l'écoute de son corps pendant le jeûne intermittent. Si vous ressentez des signes de fatigue excessive, de vertiges ou d'autres symptômes négatifs, il peut être nécessaire d'ajuster votre approche ou de prendre une pause.

3. Ne pas jeûner de manière excessive

Le jeûne intermittent doit être pratiqué de manière équilibrée. Le jeûne excessif peut entraîner des carences nutritionnelles et d'autres problèmes de santé. Assurez-vous de maintenir une alimentation équilibrée pendant vos périodes d'alimentation.

Conclusion

Le jeûne intermittent 16/8 est une approche nutritionnelle simple mais puissante qui offre de nombreux bienfaits pour la santé. En suivant les conseils pratiques et en restant à l'écoute de votre corps, vous pouvez intégrer cette méthode de manière efficace dans votre vie quotidienne. Que ce soit pour perdre du poids, améliorer la santé métabolique ou augmenter votre énergie, le jeûne intermittent peut être une stratégie bénéfique pour atteindre vos objectifs de santé.

Si vous souhaitez en savoir plus sur Jeûne intermittent 16/8, visitez → Jeûne intermittent 16/8 : Guide complet

[darklordmortimer]

Conversation

Artie & the Robot Possum have a conversation.

Cast of Characters:

Artie the Cat.

#Art #Webcomics #Humor #Cats #Dogs #Birds #Penguins #PolarBears #InvisibleMan #Witches #Goth

#ScootertheCat #ArtietheCat #BobthePolarBear #WinstontheMuteDog #DahliatheLadyinBlack #ClaireVioletWood #PhilthePenguin #JimthePenguin #TheInvisbleMan #StevetheScarecrow #SupportArtists #IndieComics #Patreon #PatreonRewards #Pizza #Possum #Night #Yugioh #CardGames #mortalkombat

[aardwolfpack]

But is it a samurai?

[hyunnie04]

“i smell something burning.” you sniff, poking your head through the bright room. seungmin and felix had just finished their daengnyang school live, texting you to quickly come over. you were already on your way to them anyways, but suspicion immediately came into mind once you saw the message.

you had no idea what they were up to, but whatever it was, it wasn't good. all you heard was that they were preparing something food related.

felix is amazing when it came to baking and cooking but when seungmin is involved, it all somehow goes down hill. what did the kitty cat and puppy do now?

you do a once over at the room, slightly amused of the damage they've caused in such a short amount of time. the condiments and other baking materials were scattered all throughout the table, the pan they've used also had burnt batter residue sticking to it, probably the sole cause of the slight fog that engulfed the room.

“y/n, try it! i made this for you.” seungmin practically beams, shooting from up his seat and holding a plate out. it was a normal enough looking bungeo-ppang, but he has a grin that says evil written all over it.

you glance over at yongbok, the blonde's face morphs into an immediate 'no don’t do it' face while shaking his head vehemently. now you're curious. "what's in this?"

"you have to guess!"

“is this gonna kill me?” 

“no, i promise.” he laughs, holding it to your mouth.

“if i die i'll kill you.” you decide to humor him, taking a very, very small bite out of it. it was spicy and a bit tangy, but the subtle sweetness of the batter contrasted with it in a strange yet palatable way.

“oh, it’s actually pretty good.” you say, grabbing seungmin's wrist to take another bite. felix just watches you with pure disappointment in his eyes.

“see!” the puppy says quite proudly, tail practically wagging.

“what’s in it?”

“sriracha and wasabi.”

“you are trying to kill me!”

"but you liked it!"

"you should try this one y/n." felix says, lifting up his own plate with his creation. you didn't need to think twice since yongbok made it, it's bound to be better than seungmin's. it was different, you thought, tasting cheese and some sort of sauce in the filling.

you went back to taste the sriacha wasabi bungeo-ppang and comparing it to the vaguely pizza flavored one. oddly enough, you found yourself still liking seungmin's better, the expression is clear in your face.

"what?!" seungmin laughs at felix's reaction, patting his back. "you're weird," the blonde snickered, shaking his head.

"we should give this to chan-hyung." the black haired puppy snaps his fingers. your eyes widen, just because you liked it, it doesn't mean chan is gonna think the same way. that man has an abysmal spice tolerance.

"you're planning on giving this to chan? are you trying to kill him?"

before he can reason out why he wants to give this to poor chan, you take the plate out of his hands. "…give it here."

-

a/n: yeah i know it wasn't that bad so i had to take artistic liberties HAHA but i would eat the sriracha one ok just to spare channie LOL

[vivi-blue]

IT IS FINALLY DONE!

God, this took me way too long...xD

After days of work I finally finished the challenge that I set for myself: Sending out props to a lot of artist here on tumblr that I really enjoy! (Actually there are way waaay more people, but I really had to set myself a limit, I'm sorry fellas ;w; I still love you!)

These people inspire me every day with their creative concepts, stories, humor and passion for art and give me the drive to continue drawing myself. With this little collection I wanted to say "thank you" for all that you do and create. You rock, guys!

(I really hope I didn't mess up any of the tags and I apologize if I might fu**ed up your designs/characters ;3; I know I'm not the best in proportions and all, but I really tried. <w<´´ Also I really hope Tumblr compresses the text by itself, so that you don't get smacked by this wall of text. I'm still a rookie on tumblr, so I don't know what to do ;w;)

Okay, heeere we go! THE TAGS!

@tv-tower / @uuberwachen - with PB aka Swap Pizzahead (I really love the idea of the au and adore the character designs. PB sure is one of my favorites -w- He is literally the most reasonable of them all XD)

@technically-a-kiwi - with Cosmic Peppino ( The design of Cosmic Peppino is simply beautiful and the idea that this chef has strong star powers and needs to take care of Cosmic Noises shenanigans is super funny to me XD )

@sirtotallynotatimetraveler - with Mel Sproutbloom / Sagebloom (I'm sorry, I wasn't sure which name is canon ;w;) ( I loooove Mel! He is such a gentle, colorful guy and looking at him makes me all happy <3 )

@alextydaisuda123 - with their version of Vigilante ( I can't repeat enough how much I adore their artstyle. I love Vigi's design the most. I don't know it's just...THAT'S Vigi for me, you know? Simply fitting, cool, but also stylish -w- )

@alice-the-demon - with Vittoria ( I was first thinking of drawing Archangel Peppino, since this guy is the softness itself, buuuut I have to admit that I love the lively and passionate personality of Vittoria. She is great -w- )

@misdreavusplush - with Eyelashes ( I can't help it. I saw that character and was in awe. How adorable can you be?? I was barely able to draw her eyes as pretty as they are xD <3 )

@creature-of-pizza - with Pepp ( Seriously, the idea to see a "Fake Peppino" with more cat dna is such a win for me. He is dynamic, sassy, derpy and so damn cool! >w< Also love how colorful their pictures are.)

@eskariolis-con-salsa - with Gnocchi (I was thinking about drawing their version of Fake Peppino first, but...*looks at picture* ...let's be honest, you can't get pass that little guy. ;w; He purifies my soul. Have some soap, little guy.)

@oddpizza - with Caramel Jam aka CJ (Such a creative and powerful character! I've seen so many artworks of them and I adore them. You need more joyful people like this ^^)

@pizza-tower-secrets - with Lycheecheechee ( A small, adorable bundle full of surprises and of course secrets! I love their drive and colorful design. Simply a delight! :3 )

@rhaytronik - with Red ( A dynamic and enjoyable character with their love for adventures! Not only a great character but also the Pizzasona of my best friend. Thanks to them I was brave enough to start a tumblr account myself. So thank you for being there for me <3 )

@cutechan555 - with Mage Gustavo (To be honest, I had a very hard time to pick a character here, since their account is full of stories and ideas. I chose mage Gustavo, since I love his design and story. I'm currently into "Delicious in Dungeon" and to imagine that he goes dungeon crawling with his bros to safe Peppino is such a cool idea XD)

@bigbeastcyruspt - with Trion (I have to be honest, at first I was very startled of Trion, since his design is very mighty and scary. I mean, it's his chase form after all. But the more I learned about him, the more I grew to like him. Very damn cool design! Also couldn't help to add dah baby ;w;)

@lunar-dal - with Pizza Cruise Peppino (Another au I simply adore! The design of the characters is colorful and bright, and to imagine Peppino as a singing gondolier brings me great joy. Also I'm a big fan of otter Brick ;w; )

@smalltimidbean - with Pea Pod, Sugar Snap Pea and Snow Pea (Believe me, I never before had such a hard time to pick ONE of so many wonderful Peppi clones! THAT was torture XD But in the end I guess I picked my favorite. Such a tired, but very cute one. Not to forget about the little ones <3 To draw a PT character with 4 fingers and 2 thumbs on one hand was quite a challenge lol )

@tinderboxofsillyideas - with Coffee Peppino (Probably one of the most adorable au versions of Peppino. Seriously, if I had the chance to get my coffee in his café, I totally would! Give that guy all the tips! <3 First thought of drawing their wizard Peppino version, but the adorable barista won lol)

@xbeih - with Metal Peppino (One of the first au's I started following. Seriously, how cool can one person be?? I mean, the whole au is amazing and I enjoy every person in it. But damn...Peppino takes the cake. ówo He is so badass, you can't imagine <w< Also I'm very sorry, it was my first time drawing a guitar and aaaaaaa )

.....*looks left and right* ...ok, we did it. Wow!

God, I'm exhausted now...XD

Well, thank you very much for reading and sorry for the wall of text ówq I can only recommend you to check these people out. They are all very talented and should be appreciated!

Have a pleasant morning / day / evening / night everyone. (Depending your timezone lul .w. )

See ya next time! Vivi out!~

[alfredosauce50]

Night at the Museum

[America x reader]

Rating: M Word count: 5, 887 Synopsis: You and Alfred decide to visit New York’s Museum of Natural History for old time’s sake. In a stroke of bad luck, you two get locked in overnight, unaware and unprepared for the dangers lurking within. It’s where history comes alive, and he ends up in a dangerous game of cat and mouse with a bloodthirsty warlord. The whole time, he’s also wrestling with his feelings for you, and he doesn’t know which is harder. Solipsism: knowledge of anything outside one’s own mind is unsure; the external world and other minds cannot be known and might not exist outside the mind.

“The more you know about the past, the better prepared you are for the future.” — Theodore Roosevelt

“Man, we haven’t been here since we were little kids,” Alfred took it all in as he made it inside, to where he was greeted by the skeleton of Tyrannosaurus rex in an awe-inspiring pose. With its head bowed toward the entrance, he and other patrons were greeted by a set of razor-sharp teeth grinning down with a hunger for the ages. “I wonder if anything’s changed. Probably a lot.”

“A bunch of stuff, actually. But it looks like they did a huge revamp on all the wax figures,” You lifted your gaze from a brochure you collected from the front. The museum of natural history wasn’t half as impressive as the Smithsonian, but it had a special place in both of your hearts. “They’re meant to be super realistic now. You know, the whole ‘history comes alive’ pizazz.”

“Huh. Then what would be the difference between here and Madame Tussaud’s?” He glanced at you.

“The people here are worth remembering.”

“Good point.”

As local New Yorkers, it was tradition to come back every once in a while. Yellow cabs, subway crazies, and the best pizza in the world — there was no other city quite like the Big Apple, and you two decided to swing by during your semester break to reconnect with your roots. Needless to say, it was nice to get away from the upbeat chaos of life on campus.

“You think you’re gonna go to Arthur’s Christmas party?” He asked you, peering around the room of American history. There was a shining stagecoach pulled by four black horses, mannequins in confederate and union uniforms with their guns trained at each other, a giant moose, and eagles watching over everything else.

“Well, we kinda have to. Can you imagine how upset he’d be if we didn’t? He’d probably be heartbroken.”

“Yeah, but I get crazy diarrhea every time.” He scoffed, eyes wide as he recalled blowing up the toilet last year.

”You don’t have to remind me.” You shuddered.

“I know, I was just saying. I was thinking we could go somewhere fun,” Alfred gave you an expectant look as he tried to sell you on it. “We could go skating, or just watch a movie back at my place. What do you say?”

“Hm, I don’t know. I’m really craving his scones.”

“Seriously?” 

”But not as much as our time together,” You smiled, watching him light up. Taking his hand, you pulled him along and said this with a laugh. “I’d rather go to the dumpster with you than the Met. You’re my best friend.”

“Yeah.” He softened his gaze. You said that, but the way you held his hand said otherwise. Or was it because you two were that close? Either way, he was starting to go down the pipeline he swore that he wouldn’t.

”Are you okay?” You asked.

”Yeah, I’m fine.” He adjusted his glasses.

“Wanna kiss it better?” You swung his arm playfully.

Alfred glared at you as the only diversion from the fact that he was blushing. It was so like you to say things like that. You were attractive, and you knew it. With your sense of humor, it made for a dangerous game. But he’d been playing it for a while. He covered your entire face with his hand, then pushed you down to a nearby bench in one clean movement.

”Hey!” 

“Hey yourself.” Alfred walked off with his hands in his pockets, as cool as a cucumber.

This might’ve been all fun and games with you, but you weren’t the loneliest animal on the planet here. Not that it made his feelings for you any less real. He liked you, and not because you were an idea in his head.

You were real, every strange thought and neuron of your imagination. You could be as sharp as a tack when you wanted to be. He loved your mind and the way it worked, or at least when you weren’t tantalizing him.

“Remember when we were little we used to take baths together?” You sprung up out of the blue.

”Barely.” Alfred exhaled, wildly unprepared for what just came out of your mouth. But before he reacted any further, he reminded himself just who he was talking to. “That’s probably why we did it in the first place. Why?”

You were sleeping over that time, as you always did every Friday after your philosophy class. Your things were strewn all over his bedroom, like a half-eaten cup noodle, some snacks, and the clothes you brought over.

While he browsed the rest of the displays in the room, he let himself get immersed in that particular memory.

That was when you caught up with him again, even having the nerve to smile up at him with ‘hehe’ written all over your face. He glowered down at you, but really, he was just happy that you were by his side again.

You had a thirty second rebound before doing or saying the next pain in the ass thing, but he forgave you even faster than that. And it had been that way since horseshoe crabs were the only thing roaming the Earth.

”You think we could fit in the bathtub?”

“If you’re asking if I wanna take a bath with you, it’s an immediate no. We’re way too old for that.”

“You don’t have to be such a prude,” You mumbled, rolling your head away. “I was just wondering.”

“I’m not a prude.” He grumbled.

“And it’s not like I haven’t seen your dick before.”

“Yeah, when I was little!” 

“Can’t imagine it’s grown much since then.”

He glared at the ceiling, not wanting to give you the satisfaction of seeing how embarrassed he was.

As much as he’d like to pull his pants down to prove you wrong, he didn’t. Someone had to uphold a sense of decency around here, even if that person had to be him, the worst possible example of it, if he was one at all.

“If you’re done, I’m gonna go to sleep,” He sat up and twisted around to fluff up his pillow. You were starting to drift off by then, but he didn’t let you off so easily. “Don’t let me catch you peeking or I’ll molest you.”

“I wasn’t planning on it, geez.”

And to think he used to be such a cute kid, kicking his ball over your fence just so he could come over to play. You both grew up since then, and with that, came his awful sense of humor among other things.

But if you asked him, he learned from the best.

“You know the nicest people make the best Nazis?” You asked, walking by a glass display of three wax figures. Sakagawea, a young Shoshone woman who guided Lewis and Clarke on their expedition to the Pacific.

“Do they?” He narrowed his eyes in interest.

“Nice people look the other way and just wanna get along with everybody else.” You said, towing him along. “Have the whole country doing that, plus a heap of propaganda, you could get away with anything.”

“Well, if I was a German, I wouldn’t buy into it.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Alfred frowned, genuinely offended. “I’m not a freakin’ racist.”

”Being scorned is your kryptonite,” You pointed out, getting him to roll his eyes. So he didn’t like to deviate from standards, and being a raving right-wing was one at the time. “And trust me when I say you would be.”

”That’s why the second amendment exists,” He smiled sagely with a hint of mischief. “If the government was to push some crazy agenda into us, the rednecks wouldn’t have it. We shape society to what we want.”

”What if the society you want isn’t the society someone else wants?” You asked, stopping in front of an exhibit of a male Algonquin warrior. “We all worship something. What’s normal to you might be crazy for someone else.”

”I guess you’re right,” He agreed, gazing upon the person who lived — and believed — in things drastically different than did. His brows came together as he marveled at the man who stood over him, a chief’s son who had been dead for well over a thousand years.

Allen was his name. He had striking scarlet eyes, dark maroon hair, tawny brown skin, and a toned body from a life of hunting and gathering. As he stared out into the middle distance, there was something uncanny about him, like he could come alive at any second, but didn’t.

“What do you think this guy worshipped?” Alfred murmured faintly, strangely captivated by him.

It was humbling to be in the presence of all of these historical figures, but intimidating to imagine them as people who existed. He was a history nut, and one thing he understood was how astonishingly cruel and violent the past could be. From the swashbuckling tales of the Wild West to the burning sands of Ancient Egypt, everything was best enjoyed from the comforts of his modern American home. Or in this case, a museum.

Where all of the exhibits were mere imitations of the long dead and gone, it would take no less than a miracle for any of them to come back to life. Little did he know, a miracle was exactly what he’d be in for tonight. 

You two poked around some more, eventually ending up in the Northern European section of the museum. Nothing really stood out to him besides the Vikings, who also caught the attention of the general public.

“This man was the greatest viking to have ever lived. Mathias Densen, the king of Danes,” A guide showed off a wax exhibit to a crowd of tourists. You and Alfred were among them, having taken the liberty to tune in.

Some took pictures, others whispered amongst themselves at the impressive lookalike made to imitate a legend out of the sagas. He had blonde hair swept up in the front in an unruly mane, and the bluest eyes you’ve ever seen. With his arm raised and axe in hand, he was frozen in time, suspended in a pose so natural, it looked like he’d bring it down at any given moment.

“He was the most feared warrior in all of Scandinavia. When he threw an axe at his enemy, he never missed. But all blood and gore aside, he will go down in history as one of the best leaders and explorers of all time.”

”Wouldn’t wanna get him angry, huh?” Alfred gave you a side-eye, returning his gaze to the information plate. That was when he saw a portrait of a woman who was supposedly the only one who could go toe-to-toe with his ruthlessness. “You know, she kinda looks like you.”

”Really?” You leaned over. “I don’t see it.”

”No way. You guys are like twins!” He exclaimed.

“Maybe just the eyes.”

“Maybe she’s your long-lost ancestor or something.”

After another hour of walking around and talking, you and Alfred left to get to the exit. It was approaching closing time, and you two were among the last to leave. A security guard stood near the revolving doors, bidding farewell to guests. But before he could acknowledge you two, Alfred stopped and patted around his shirt.

“Shit, I left my glasses.” He winced.

Neither of you two thought it would’ve been problem to go back and retrieve them at the time. Who would’ve thought they’d made the security so much tighter that it would end up the biggest mistake of your lives?

After sweeping room after room, he eventually found them on the ground next to a bench. Sliding them onto his nose, he picked up a brisk jog as he made his way back downstairs. But by then, it was too late.  

“Now let’s get out before we get locked in.”

”Don’t jinx us.” 

”Not gonna happen.” 

And he said that so confidently too. Because when he pushed at the revolving door, it didn’t budge. 

”What’s wrong?” You asked from behind. 

“Nothing, just give me a sec…” He rattled it a few more times, but to no avail. Then, he let out a heavy breath as he admitted the one thing he thought could never happen. “… Okay, I think we’re locked in.”

“You’re joking.” You blurted.

You brushed past him to give the door a strong shake, needing that same taste of defeat before believing it yourself. Sure enough, it was locked shut, and would likely stay locked all the way up til morning.

“Oh my God, we are. What are we gonna do?”

”Call the cops.” He suggested, pulling out his phone to dial 9-11. After a few tries, to which he stared at you tensely with it pressed up to his ear, he found that the call kept failing. “Annnnd the cops aren’t picking up.”

“Well, keep trying! Call Arthur or something.” 

For the next thirty minutes, you both paced around while trying to reach local government services, then friends or loved ones. It slowly became apparent that you two weren’t getting out anytime soon.

You weren’t the type to express it, let alone say it, but you were getting scared and uncomfortable.

So was he, but like hell he’d let it show. Not because he didn’t have the balls to admit it, but it was the last thing you needed right now. You weren’t looking at him, and he knew in an instant that you were on the verge.

“We’re not gonna make it out, are we?”

Alfred was crushed with so much guilt, he couldn’t even react when the lights dimmed, plunging the museum into a pitch-black darkness. His eyes stayed wide with remorse, even when he couldn’t see you anymore.

In that moment, he came over and hugged you as tight as he could, lips pursed in a deep frown. It wasn’t every day that he could hold you like this, but he set aside every shard of his shattered ego to do it.

Even if he had to do it in the dark.

There couldn’t be a better metaphor for his feelings. Alfred had always been too afraid to tell you how he felt, and if he did, he’d do it in a way that was hidden from plain sight. This was one of those times.

It was one thing to admit he was scared. It was another to say he was sorry. But telling you how much you truly meant to him was damn near impossible. So instead of doing any of the above, he let you sleep on him.

He had his back on a cold hard bench while you drifted away. There was no way he was getting any sleep tonight, but this was just his karma. So he stayed like that for the next few hours, to which you began to stir. 

“You good?” He asked in a soft murmur.

”Yeah,” You rubbed your eyes. “Just a little thirsty.”

”I’m pretty sure there’s a fountain outside.” He helped you up, putting on his glasses. “I’ll come with you.” 

”No, it’s fine.” You sighed, getting up to leave the room. 

”Hey,” Alfred softened his gaze, getting you to slow to a stop. He was so exhausted, all of his walls were coming down. And he couldn’t stand to bottle it up inside him any longer. “I’m sorry, okay? This was all my fault.”

”It’s okay. We can’t all be born perfect.” You cracked a smile, walking off. But the happy note only lasted so long once you got to the hallway outside. It was so dark, you could barely see the ground beneath you.

With nothing but the wall lamps to illuminate the empty halls, the institution turned into nothing but a graveyard: a dim labyrinth of the long dead and gone. And like all graveyards, there were ghosts.

The black outline of wax figures lined your peripherals, and you gazed at them nervously as you made your way to the fountain. After a few satisfying gulps, you began making your way back to the room. That was when you heard the echo of footsteps in the distance, too far away to have made sense at the time. Someone was at the end of the hall, and it couldn’t have been Alfred.

“Hello?” You called out to the source.

The shadow of a man appeared around the corner, the details of his wild, upswept hair showing up on the wall. When he revealed himself, he was covered head to toe in thick fur pelts and armor. Your eyes went wide ever so slowly, heart racing as you were struck with this realization. He was a spitting image of the viking you’d seen on display, but he wasn’t just an inanimate statue made of colored wax and glue. He was moving.

Breathing. 

He was alive.

Alfred waited patiently for you to come back, though he regretted letting you go out by yourself. It wasn’t like there was anything out there, but you must’ve been afraid under that bravado you showed him. If only he knew how wrong he’d been. As he sat on the bench, the museum slowly came to life. All of its waxy inhabitants, people gone for centuries, returned from the dead.

And the lights came back on, one by one.

The Viking’s chest heaved for the air that hadn’t filled his lungs in eons. And with eyes as blue as the oceans he sailed across, he stared at you like he had just seen a ghost. They had a light in them they never had before, a consciousness, a soul, and you stared right back. But the way he looked at you was like nothing you’d expect. There wasn’t a trace of hostility in his gaze, but something deeply emotional and coherent.

Not that any of that mattered to you.

You split, running from him as fast as you could and with more adrenaline than what you thought was humanly possible. But then again, what you witnessed was a testament to the impossible. The dead walked, and you were trapped in here with hundreds of them. Whipping your head over your shoulder, you let out a frightened cry when you saw him chasing you. 

Your screams echoed down the hall, and Alfred felt his blood go cold hearing them. But he forced himself to stand, and without a shred of hesitation, he ran outside to look for you. When you weren’t by the fountain, his heart sank to the pit of his stomach. And his face, now whiter than a sheet of paper. Where did you go?

“(F/N)!” He yelled, sprinting down the hall.

But more importantly, what was it that made you scream? Whatever it was, he knew he’d never forgive himself if something happened to you. The lights were now on, and he swore he could hear the tapping of what sounded like hundreds of footsteps. There was something around the corner, or someone, he just never would’ve anticipated it beyond his wildest imagination.

“Where are you?” Once be got around the turn, what he saw put a stopper to his thoughts, derailing them with the most fantastical thing he had ever seen. His eyes flew open, and his mouth went agape so he could let out a shaky breath. “What the hell is going on?”

Swathes of people dressed in cultural adornments and even objects were out and about, talking to each other in languages he couldn’t even begin to decipher. Inuits, African tribesmen, and Edwardian socialites walked along the halls like time had just shattered upon itself. Marble sculptures, copper statues, and other pieces of art were moving about like they weren’t made of some kind of rock. There was even a Terracotta soldier, who was accompanied by a Chinese dragon made entirely out of green jade. Elephants, rhinos, and giraffes passed by in a strangely calm fashion like this wasn’t their first rodeo in the museum. Everyone did, except for him. 

“No way.” He whispered, glancing left to right as he picked up a jog. If he wasn’t wrong, everything in the museum had come to life. Was he dreaming? He had to be. In his dazed stupor, he ran into a medieval knight. There was a loud clank, and he would’ve winced from how much it hurt if it weren’t for being spoken to. 

“Excuse me. Watch where you’re going!” 

“Sorry!” He blurted. “I’m so sorry.”

”That’s alright! But you look a bit pale there, kid. What seems to be the problem?” The knight questioned, still wearing his helmet and hiding his face. Aside from his silver armor, he wore pure white garments with a blood red cross — the signature outfit of a crusader knight.

“Oh, um, where do I start?” Alfred panted, speaking in a frazzled manner. Funnily enough, this was the straightest he’d been thinking now that someone was talking to him. “Oh, I know! How the hell is everyone and everything in this museum alive right now?”

“I’d normally have a better answer, but I’ve never read anything like this in the Bible,” The other scratched their head through their helmet inquisitively. “Maybe I missed a chapter. But honestly, I’m just as lost as you are.”

“I’m sorry, what?” 

“The Bible. The word of God. Haven’t you heard of it?”

”I know what the Bible is!” Alfred raised his voice into a frustrated hiss, but he instantly felt bad for it. “Sorry. I’m talking to a monk, here. I should be more respectful. But never mind that. I’m looking for my friend. I’m worried something happened to her.”

”I could help you look for her!” 

“That would be great, thank you.” 

”I’m Gilbert. Proud Templar Knight and brother from the Temple of Solomon.” They took off their helmet and held it against their hip, revealing a head of white hair and ruby-red eyes. Then, they outstretched a gloved hand for him with a toothy grin. “Pleasure to meet you.” 

“Nice to meet you too. I’m Alfred, uh, son of Arthur, and student hailing from New York,” Alfred improvised awkwardly, giving it a slow, disoriented shake. “Wow. I can’t believe I’m talking to a Crusader knight right now.”

“So where did you last see your friend?” Gilbert asked.

Mathias carried you all the way to the other side of the museum, and you thrashed the whole time, begging him to let you go. When he finally put you down, he kept a firm grip on your hand. You were greeted by other Vikings, and just when you thought you’d be sacrificed like a goat, they broke out in wide smiles.

Besides them speaking in old Norse to you, which you had no way of comprehending, they were more than pleasant to you, even offering you some plastic food, which you politely declined. From the way they acted around you, it was like being with an old friend.

It became clear that they had no intention of harming you, but why they brought you here was still a mystery.

”I’m sorry, but I don’t understand what you guys are saying,” You interrupted meekly, darting your nervous eyes between them. They stared at you with blank faces before exchanging confused looks with each other. “Could you please let me go? I don’t want any trouble.”

“Where did you run off to? I haven’t seen you all week. I was worried something happened to you,” Mathias spun you to him, hugging you tightly before putting his hands all over you. “You’re speaking in tongues and acting very strange! We need to get you a doctor.”

”I didn’t understand that either.” You sighed.

”It’s worse than I thought. Somebody get Olaf,” The Dane ordered, summoning another Viking to come over. They took your arm and led you off, much to your dismay. “Look after her for me, friend. In the meantime, I have a man to hunt. He’s the one responsible for this.”

”Hey, wait! Where are you taking me?” You exclaimed, glancing back at Mathias as he left. In that precise moment, your best friend’s words replayed in your mind like a tape. You looked just like his wife, and so much that it had the actual guy fooled. “Oh no. Alfred!” 

It didn’t take a linguist to know that he was in trouble, but there was nothing you could do. Your companions kept you inside their make-shift hut, treating you as one of their own. They laid you down and spoke to you very slowly, so they must’ve thought you had a concussion. Either way, they weren’t letting you out of their sight.

You just hoped Alfred brushed up on his history, because he’d be needing it tonight.

”Where the hell could she be?” Alfred walked with his newest companion. “We checked everywhere!” 

”Actually, we still haven’t checked Northern Europe.” Gilbert corrected, getting the blonde to turn in the direction of said location. But he launched a hand out and grabbed him, pulling him back. “Don’t. It’s suicide.”

”Why?” He frowned.

”It’s occupied by Norse Pagans.” The albino warned, pulling him close for a tantalizing whisper. He glanced around before he continued, almost as if speaking of them would summon them like the devil himself.

”Norse Pagans? You mean Vikings?”

“They came here last week, and it’s been Hell ever since.” Gilbert took his collar as he whispered in a panicked hush. “We sent a missionary up there once, and he came back to us completely dismembered!”

“Oh, fuck.” Alfred dug his hands through his hair, now a nervous wreck as he envisioned the thought. But what made his stomach really churn was the unshakeable thought that it was probably where you were.

For that, he was surprised he hadn’t vomited already. And he almost did when Gilbert went off on a passionate spiel of the Scandinavian heathens and everything they’d done. That was when one appeared at the end of the hall, and it wasn’t just any Scandinavian heathen.

”I mean, he’s okay now, but it was really disturbing.” The other made a face of unease as he recalled the sight. It wasn’t something a person was meant to see in their lifetime, but at least he was in a more dubious position now. “I don’t think they care for God.”

“Dude.”

”What?”

”That’s the Viking I saw earlier today.” Alfred whispered, locking eyes with Mathias who stood no more than three hundred feet away from him. In the next three seconds, the Dane broke into a sprint, charging at him at a terrifying speed like a mad bull. He let out a wheeze, likely the sound of his soul escaping his body. “Aaaand he’s running at us. Well, this has been a good life.”

”God hasn’t forsaken us yet!” Gilbert unsheathed a gleaming longsword, swinging it in impressive circles.  

Mathias launched an axe at him, and it spun through the air so fast, it passed as nothing but a white flash.

It cut Gilbert’s head clean off, getting it to land on the ground with a thump. There was no blood or flesh, just a cross-section of wax where he was decapitated. While he had his face planted on the floor, he said this in a muffled voice. “So that’s what that feels like.” 

But Alfred had already fled by then.

He never stuck around to see his friend lose his dignity, much less his own. He whimpered a little as he pumped his legs as fast as he could. He was running on so much adrenaline, his bloodstream may as well have been battery acid. But not everybody could outrun a Viking, and he would’ve eaten it if it weren’t for the arm that shot out from the side, pulling him into a room.

When he turned to the stranger who’d saved him, he recognized him to be the native Algonquin warrior he’d seen earlier that day. Only this time, he was perfectly canny and had an unrivaled sharpness that would end up ensuring his survival. While Mathias ran by outside with his pelts and armor clinking away, Allen put a finger up to his mouth to get him to stay deathly still.

But above all else, quiet.

There they crouched, hidden from plain sight like the watchful forces of nature. In the most tense ten seconds of their lives, they stared at each other, cerulean and scarlet eyes as wide as they could get them. For a moment, Alfred forgot he was being chased, deeply enchanted by the person in front of him. He was quite literally gazing back into history, a thousand years into the past to be precise. But once the coast was clear, he went back to hyperventilating. He was still in shock from everything that just happened, and the first thing he let out was an excited, albeit exasperated gasp. 

“Oh my God. You just saved my life. Thank you!” 

”Don’t mention it.” Allen took his bow off so he could arm himself with it. Then, he peered outside the door, making sure there weren’t any Vikings in the area. Turning back to the blonde, he pulled an arrow from his quiver without breaking eye contact. “I’ve been tracking that guy for days, and this is the craziest I’ve ever seen him. You have any idea why he would be after you?”

“How should I know? I don’t know the guy personally!” Alfred exclaimed, following him out into the hall. 

“You must’ve done something to piss him off.”

”But I didn’t do anything!” 

“Then he wouldn’t waste his time chasing you when he’d rather search for his girlfriend.” Allen remarked. “One of my pals can speak his language, and he says he’s been looking for her ever since he got here.”

“Fuck, that’s it. Why didn’t I think of it before?”

They ran to the elevator, to which he pressed the button for the basement. It had always been on the tip of his tongue, but the whirlwind of a night left his head more scrambled than he thought. And now that he had it all pieced together, he came up with a plan to save you.

“I came here with my friend, and she looks exactly like his wife. He must’ve seen us together. But it’s okay, I have an idea. They must have extra wax figures in storage, right? If she’s as important as they say, they must have her tucked away down here somewhere.”

“Okay, so we do a trade-off.”

”Exactly.”

”Smart.” Allen pursed his lips, thoroughly impressed.

The doors slid open and thus, they began their search, sweeping the entire basement for the reason why the museum had turned into a war zone. After an hour or so, Alfred heard someone banging away and calling for help from inside a tall wooden crate. A woman, and she sounded just like you. He and Allen walked up to it, then cracked it open like a treasure chest. Lo and behold, it was your doppelgänger, but dressed in the height of fashion from what was a thousand years ago.

“I think we found our girl.” He murmured in awe.

The three of you got back to the elevator. It was a given that the you from the Viking age was a little hesitant to get into such a tight box, but Allen had a way with body language. He made a few gestures to let you know where he was taking you. What more was that these two men had just broken you out of an even tighter box, so you had no reason not to trust them. 

“You know, I meant to ask, but doesn’t it bother you that there is a living, breathing, homicidal axe-wielding maniac running around the museum every night?” Alfred asked, feeling strangely calm now that he sensed that the night’s excitement was coming to an end. 

“We’re not alive the way you’re alive,” Allen told him. That was right. As magical as it was to have the museum come to life, it wasn’t real. History had done its course. He spoke with power and humility as he confronted that fact, and for that, he seemed to be at peace. “We’ve had our shot. But you still have yours.”

“I have the craziest chills right now.”

”But also because we’re made of wax.”

“Okay, that makes more sense.” Alfred laughed a little, turning to him. ”So how come you speak English?”

”I’ve been on display here for years,” Allen grinned, walking out now that the elevator doors opened. They returned to the bustling halls of the Museum of Natural History, where history had really come to life that night. “New York is my home. Always has been.”

”Explains the accent.” 

It didn’t take long to track down Mathias again, and when he finally laid eyes on the one he’d been searching for, he turned into an entirely different person. His anger, terror, and everything that made him a legend, had all but melted into a deep emotional coherence.

He was nothing but a man now. A man with his own joys and sorrows like everybody else.

He dropped his ax and ran up to his long-lost love, picking her up and embracing her after what felt like an eternity. He finally found her again after a thousand years, and the scene was quite profound to behold.

But if you asked Alfred, it wasn’t as touching as his reunion with you. He found you in the hall of Northern Europe, holed up in a tent and rubbing your eyes. They were red from crying, and the way you looked at him was something he’d burn in his mind forever. And the way you hugged him, a feeling he’d never get tired of.

”I knew you’d come.” You squeezed him.

“Of course I came,” He squeezed you back, burying his face into the crooked of your neck. “But maybe it’s time that I switch out my glasses for some contact lenses. Don’t wanna keep losing them like I did tonight.”

“No way!” You gushed. “I like the way you look now.”

”Yeah?” He smiled rosily. From that outburst alone, he knew you’d forgiven him for everything that happened. But from the sound of things, you had a much easier time than he did. On the way home, he enthused you on the people he met and his close brushes with death. 

“You ever hear of a term called solipsism?” You asked. 

“Doesn’t ring a bell.” He shook his head.

“It’s the concept that everything around you doesn’t exist and is made up by your own mind,” You explained, stopping him in the middle of the street. It was dawn by then, and the rising sun cast a golden glow over your tender smile. “But if everything around me is just my imagination, you’re the best thing I’ve come up with.”

His eyes went wide, shocked by how sweet you just were. Just like that, everything he ever pined away for didn’t matter anymore. He was worth more to you than an adventure of a lifetime because he was that adventure. But at the same time, Alfred fell even harder for you, and it showed in the way his gaze softened. 

”Right back at you, sport.” 

[sirwadewilsonfromimgur]

Deadpool and Wolverine:KCAU

in-between the scenes.

Authors note: after the last chapter and talking about things with @icarusredwings (who deserves credit for workshoping the premise for this), and @nuggetpool-hi , who was also surprised by Logans Monolog. I present this mini scene.

Kansas City Missouri Earth-10005 2065 December

James gets home from shopping with his dad and sisters. They're all ladened with bags. Wade carried a cartoonish amount insisting on only taking one trip from the car.

Most of the bags are emblazoned with the name Hall's, the department store owned by Hallmark. It was the closest thing Kansas City had to a 5th Avenue designer store carrying brands like Prada and Gucci. Logan cringed, knowing Wade had gone overboard for Christmas yet again.

James, after hiding the gift he'd gotten for Greg in the office, recruited him to go back to his bedroom and help wrap presents.

So how was your quiet afternoon with "The Wolverine" he said, the title with a humorous tone... I can see he didn't stab you. So you must have done something right...

It was fine... but I wouldn't call it quiet.

What do you mean?

The man monologed at me and drank jet fule for over an hour... for lack of a better word he trauma dumped... then he took me out to lunch at city market... that part was nice.

My father has never been a conversationallist, so i find that baffling... when I was a kid, he'd always been the strong, silent type... unless ya pissed him off.. Then he could tare a blue streek into you and make you feel about an inch tall...

So he never talks that much?

he usually only talks that much to raccoons...

Shocking *sarcastic tone*

James proceeds to tell Greg a story... wavey flashback effects open to a scene when James was about 15 years old. James needed a permission slip signed, and it had to be Logan. The school expressly forbid Wade from signing permission slips, report cards, or attending parent teacher night... Wade had no patience for anyone being critical of James, even if it was justified. The staff of the very expensive private school did not appreciate having bricks with threatening notes attached thrown through their windows for the crime of giving the son of the local corporate war lord a B- in English... Wade may have also had some misdirected anger at educators from his youth.

Dad have you seen pops? I looked in the office and I can't find him. I need him to sign something for me.

*Sigh* have you gone out to the parking garage and checked the dumpster?

why?

*Louder more exaggerated sigh* because he "likes" it... he's probably got a colony of feral cats he's made friends with... ask him for details beyond that... sometimes i just can't with that man... tell him dinner is almost ready too.

James baby, you're better off eating trash out the dumpster than whatever your nasty ass father is cooking. It smells like shit from here!

GOD DAMN IT GRANDMA! I've been slaving over a hot stove for an hour working on this chicken cacciatore and it smells fine!

More like chicken crap-a-tori!

How about I slap the taste out of your mouth, you old bitch then it won't be a problem!

I'd like to see you try ya big pussy! I'm ordering a pizza!

I sware on god Althea, I will shoot you!

The fighting continued, James shakes his head, puts on his coat and leaves the condo to go check the dumpster...

As he walked out there, he definitely heard the muffled sound of his father's voice coming from the dumpster...

Of course I love him, Anthony! That's the point, I'm terrible... im trash, and I don't deserve him.... no, no... I can't leave him, that'd make it worse, plus the kids... no. I'll just hang out here....

Dad! Are you in the dumpster...

No... .... yes.

Can you come out? i need you to sign something... are you ok?

Logan pops up out of the dumpster... throwing the lid back. His yellow and brown combat suit covered in (some else's) blood coffee grounds and a banana peel on his left shoulder.

Yeah... I'm fine, bub... it's just been a rough day, and I feel like garbage.

Who were you talking with?

Anthony.

As soon as his name was mentioned, a large raccoon jumped up on Logans right shoulder. He chittered at James a little but otherwise was docile and friendly... Logan had the uncanny ability to make friends with the wildlife... like a Disney princess with PTSD, a drinking problem, and nineteen inch biceps.

Papa... please sign this... also, don't feel like garbage... i know your job is hard, and we're all a little crazy around here... but you don't belong in a dumpster... no one belongs in a dumpster. Dad said dinner was almost ready. Let's go upstairs.

Logan holding back tears wondering how the fuck he and Wade made such a kind teenager got out of the dumpster...

Does Anthony bite?

Oh, absolutely... he should probably stay down here...

Taking the massive raccoon off his shoulder, he set him on top of the dumpster with a promise to bring him some trash later.

They got to the front door at almost the same time as a pizza delivery boy...

Fuck! Dad you got any cash!

Yeah, why...

Gimme $50

Logan hands his son a hundred, it's all he had.

Dad take this pizza inside and run interference.

Standing in the open door, James gives the delivery guy the money.

You Mr. Delivery guy here is cash plus tip I highly suggest you run as fast as you fuck'n can there might be gun play

Hearing this

Oh boy Gun play! *pulls out a glock*

God damn it, Ellie, we've talked about this!

IS THAT A FUCKING PIZZA!

Dude... run!

The End.

Next scene link below

[galaxy-lilies]

FINISHED THE HOTGUY ZINE AND AAAAAAAAH /POS

okay im going to put my thoughts under the cut cause OUGH this is going to be a long post LMAO

FIRST OFF can i just say how amazing and incredible the folk who organized the whole event are, they deserve absolute kudos

AND ANOTHER FIRST OFF: SHOUTOUT TO ALL THE LOVELY WRITERS, ARTISTS, EDITORS, ETC. WHO CONTRIBUTED YALL ARE INCREDIBLE

okay okay finally into the recap that was an amazing 3 and a half hours of my life

Pages 1-103:

When I first saw the heads up about how the zine was interconnected and skipping any part would potentially lead to some plot i was immediately intrigued then i was immediately hit with the other realization of "410 PAGES???? HELLO????"

the first comic was so fucking cute OMG LIZZIE'S DESIGN WAS SO CUTE AND THE SILLY SLIDESHOW HUMOR BETWEEN JOEL, SCAR, AND LIZZIE

"hold on let me make some edits-" "no let ME make some edits-"

the artstyle changing based on who was editing what, Joel just trying to support his wife, Scar purposely mishearing "cats" as "cash" absolute hilarity how i heart them all so

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AND THEN WE GET HIT WITH THE DOODY ART OOOOH MY DAYS CUTEGUY AND HOTGUY MEETING FOR THE FIRST TIME AAAAAAH

Grian rocking the cloak, Scar just absolutely confuzzled: THEYRE SOOOO *shakes them*

_____________

and the shenanigans between Ren, Scar, and BDubs oh my god AND THE ON GOING BIT ABOUT HOW "if anyone says hotguy it immediately turns into the logo" it never fails to make me laugh

the early days of the mutation, the proposal of the union, PEARL'S LITTLE >:3c as she pressed publish OUGH

and the trail of petals grian left behind as he considered hotguy's proposal just *splat* i literally ate up all the art and the fics and the silly silly edits in this zine THEY WORLD BUILDING IS AMAZING

____________

speaking of world building: MUMBLR??? HELLOOOOOOO

THE ANON'S HAVING SILLY MUSTACHES BY DEFAULT

THE RANTING IN THE TAGS

THE MEMES

now i need to know, what does old mumblr *checks notes* teal? green? look like

____________

(at this point it was around 8 PM but after a long day i was already reaching the point of eepyness and i thought "surely i can finish reading the hOTGuY zine in one sitting!" spoiler alert: i did not)

____________

immediately when i saw the G Team comic i was reminded of the council of Grians LMAO Grian being the absolute chaotic one man band as he tries to collect all this evidence, the readers seeing Scar's means of transportation for the first time, and then *vine boom* SCULK

also ARIANA GRIANDE THE BELOVED HOW I HEART HER SOOOOOOOO i love all of the grians featured here, and the fact that permit office grian managed to make a silly appearance AND his permit shenanigans working in his favor- hE EVEN HAS THE "please hold." MUSIC- iconic i tell you, iconic

____________

I absolutely exploded into a million pieces seeing tibby's art then exploded again because "i can't see the end of the horizon...CUBFAN135- IS THAT YOU??!!?"

seeing the sculk snail follow behind scar idly, the fact that grian's only lead is cub ordering pizza like of all leads. but to be fair it does fit both of them LMAO

i am eating the sculk texturing btw it's very very tasty uwu

it's the fact that both of them turned to each other to yell "ARSON" like of course theyre at the ready to light things on fire

BUT THEN THIS PANEL

cub just over scar's shoulder like a sack of potatoes, the match already out of grian's hand, the sculk snail also there to witness the chaos that is about to ensue *chefs kiss* poetic cinema

also i would buy this shirt

____________

oh my gods the emails, the emails were so fucking funny i- KJSDFHDSJK

BDubs immediately trying to screen Cub out and Cub just continuing his shenanigans unperturbed, grian at his wits end trying to contact scar but of course scar is busy and cub just assumes it's some impersonation account until further notice, TGC trying to contact them but once again Mr. Fan135 Does Not Give A Fuck and he lives to cause mild annoyances and chaos, what a guy LMAO

their littol email icons are so cute, when i saw pearl's i was like "WAH PUPPERRRR"

i havent seen many email-format type beat story telling before so this was an absolute joy to explore the story through pearl's detailed emails, grian's panicked typing (how was mans typing and sending so quickly with 365+ lazer eyed chickens chasing him like a mad man + a green gob- i mean goatman), and both bdubs' and cub's concern and nonchalance. not to mention bdubs just nodding along and going "well cub you have proven yourself...and uh- added a totally not a virus to scar's phone- BUT you have proven yourself...." absolute sillies, absolutely iconic

____________

THE TWITTER BEEF HAD ME CACKLING OH MY GOD THE QUOTE RETWEETS i would pay good money to see that in real time oh my god

mumblr user hermitopia-explained you will always be famous

okay i'll admit it i was distracted by the scitties- BUT the social media handles and names being remade into hermit puns and the fact he's chilling on mending beach I CAN'T

AND OUR ETERNAL QUEEN JELLIE i literally let out a small squeal looking at her she is sO *gently holds her*

birthday gorl getting absolutely spoiled, as she deserves

____________

scar finding a cloak just to do the sailor moon meme: iconic, showstopping, one of a kind, amazing, talented- i love these two idiots

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and as a heads up i'm going to try and separate these into about 100 pages each! so expect the next reblog soon

[theanonymousninja247]

Pretty Random Turtle Thunks: Baby Clothes

Scenario: You’ve just handed said Rise Aged Up Turtle a tiny baby outfit. Whether your child, a niece, nephew, sibling or just some infant you saved from the streets, just know there is now an itty bitty baby human within your general vicinity you are now taking care of

*Rating: Milk🥛(aka for anybody)*

Raph🧸❤️: Tears. Just. So. Many. Tears. Makes Niagara Falls look like a trickle. This man is literally loosing it, hand over mouth can’t stop staring at the ridiculously tiny piece of fabric in his hand. It’s barely the size of his fingers.

…Sweet Pizza Supreme in the Sky…

ItS BaReLy ThE sIzE oF hIs FinGeRs.

You find him hunkered down in his room immediately after the news, surrounded by the remains of over a dozen, half started knitting projects, tears still on his face as he tries to fathom the very idea that something can be that small.

He’s been trying to knit the perfect baby blanket, but his anxieties start to take over every time he starts over. He worries the material is gonna itch the baby’s skin. Is the baby gonna suffocate if the stitches are too tight? Will the baby drown in fabric if he makes it too big? Will the baby get too cold if it isn’t big enough? etc etc etc…

You’re gonna have to talk him down a little bit because he’s gonna work himself into a frenzy getting ready for the baby.

Donnie🤔🟪: Just looks at said article of clothing. Looks back up at you, face slightly pinching in confusion, then back at the outfit. Cue a slow curious thumbing of the fabric. Slow blink. Body suddenly freezes. Eyes comically begin to grow wide. (Give him a second, give him a second; he’s computing) Before his head suddenly snaps back up to stare at you and then almost frantically back down at the garment as the realization hits. There’s no outwardly facial reaction, but the tell tale sign is that his hand fumbles for his goggles as suddenly he’s going full inspection mode.

You are more or less not surprised when the article is met with immediate disdain.

Cue Donnie spending hours researching the best materials for baby clothes. They’re going to be 100% organic and made of the softest and most sterile fabrics he can find. And if he can’t find any brands that suit his high class fancy, well he’ll just design a machine to do the job himself. He’s not the founder of Genius Tech for nothing.

This small infant will be associated with HIM of all people and a such deserves nothing but the highest quality. The best of the best for the best. Obviously.

Your child will be the most finely dressed child of the century after being in the hands of Donnie for more than 5 seconds. There will be a fashion show. Period. Being a baby never looked this good. 

Leo✨💠: Realization that slowly unfurls like a blossom in the morning sun. This turtles face is so bright with excitement when it finally clicks that he literally becomes the sun for like solid minute it’s just that big. However that smile immediately folds into that signature cat smirk that warns of nothing but impending deviousness.

Your child is in trouble, for it now lies in the hands of an evil mastermind, hell bent on causing tomfoolery that will last through out the generations to follow.

He’s always wanted to leave a legacy, and he will seize this moment and milk for all its worth. 

All the dad jokes. All of the horrible groan-inducing, eye-rolling, awful puns. All the stupid slapstick, low brow kind of humor are now practically plastered to your child’s clothing. He thinks he’s the funniest person alive and will do everything his power to infect said child with the same vein of humor.

Also, be warned of leaving your child alone with this man, because if left to his devices for too long, you will receive an unfathomable amount of memes and edited baby photos of your child and Leo in hilarious re-enactments scenes.  

Mikey🎨🧡: Pretty sure a missile just went off Because the squeal of excitement that erupted from this turtle was the only warning you got, before you were all but tackled in a hug like a rugby player, pretty much burst not only the sound barrier but your ear drums as well.

There! Is! So! Much! Excitement!

It. Can. Not. Be. CoNtAiNeD!!!!

It’s literally oozing out of him and man practically reverts into a child himself as the foundation of curiosity is exploded, and you are all but drowned in a relentlessly loving sea of questions. He wants to know EVERYTHING. All the time! Because he just - he just -he just can’t wait! All this time to prepare for another little bundle of joy!  It jumpstarts his creative spark in a way you have NEVER seen before. He now spends his time religiously spent in three locations: locked in close and glued to your hip, a culinary cabaret in which you are very much the honored guest who just has to taste test his newest recipe (your taste buds have never been this happy) or in his art studio working on just one more thing for the baby.

He’s designed his own baby clothes, painted more than enough scenes for multiple nurseries to be completely filled, and even written a couple of his own baby adventure comic books that he is just dying to read the awaited little one.

He’s beyond ecstatic at the thought that there’s now something tinier than him that he can help take care of and love. 

Bottom line: Both you and your baby are about to be welcomed into the arms of the most excited and loving family you will ever have the privilege of knowing. Just…good luck trying to get their arms off of you. Because they will never and I mean EVER let either one of you go. That is both their threat and their promise!

Shout out to the besties who proofread @anobodyinabog and @saspas-corner 🧡

As well as the ever incredible @avery73 (hope it’s ok to tag you in this, but I just realized that I lowkey based my turtle thunks after reading yours, and I wanted to give you the credit. Thought you might enjoy?)

[mik3stuff]

Local burger lover Mike,what do you think the Spiderband's favorite kind of burgers are🤨🙏🏼🎤?

First of all I will pass on purchasing this title non-ironically, thank you very much. Second YOU CAME TO THE RIGHT PLACE OH MY TITAN I'LL HAVE SO MUCH FUN WITH THIS ASK

All of them, no exceptions, will always prioritize artisanal burgers over big franchises like BK or McDonalds and this is just canon we're on the same page about it right?

Mirassol likes a good old chimi but she's also super into a classic brie cheeseburger, Miles G loves chimi too but prefers a spicy double burger

Gwen is a huge burger lover (she likes it especially when Hobie's mom makes 'em) and her and Hobie have a shared favorite for pizza burgers but her second option would be a big chicken burger or a bacon burger

Hobie as I said before highly prefers pizza burgers, they're his favorite and just like Gwen he'll eat any type of burger his mama makes cuz his mama is great and her food is too but scrawny as he is once in a lifetime he'll eat the whole thing. He always shares his with his friends but they're now making him eat more and soon enough he'll be just fine with eating one entire burger (angst material prob)

Pavtir's is probably a spicy Indian lamb burger and Gayatri's since I headcanon her as vegan i believe that would be a veggie indian-style burger (I've seen some pretty mouthwatering recipes recently so I had to add this)

Peni likes a chili burger with wasabi ketchup

Ganke is a burger addict too and his favorite is a nduja burger but he also loves a vegan cheeseburger (my boy is lactose intolerant)

My sweet girl Margo <3 she's a monster when it comes to eating fast food you look at this cute little girl and think "she ain't eating that much" but she is and she'll steal some bytes (haha humor) from her partner's. She likes to say she doesn't have a favorite and if you insist she'll probably say something basic like a classic burger but she loves your good old bacon burger and I would like to say it's her personal fave

Bonus Mike likes a double cheeseburger but he hates cheddar (also a lactose intolerant but since is it holding anyone back right? He's allergic to cats but had four and got adopted by Nora who counts as at least three and this is totally not me just dumping random facts about me at my oc's)

I really hope these are in character lmao, tried adding cultural rep without making it sound stereotypical but idk. Also please feel free to add your (Summer's or anyone else reading this) spidersona favorite burger 💗