#Carrie Lorraine | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

toournextadventure · 6 months ago

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our little secret pt.vi

Summary: Life has a funny way of coming back around. Maybe, for the first time, it's actually going to come back around for the better.

Word Count: 10.9k Warnings: swearing, homophobia, HIV/Aids crisis, religious trauma, excessive smoking Pairing: Lorraine Day x Fem!Reader (Masterlist)

The sun was just starting to rise by the time you finished letting the cattle into the field. Fall was coming in nicely, and the spring calves had more than come into their own by that point. They were rather mischievous at this age. They reminded you of such as they continued to butt their heads into the back of your legs every chance they got.

Adorable little bastards.

The crops surrounding the small gathering of buildings were looking pretty damn good, if you said so yourself. You let your fingers trail over a few peas as you squatted down to look for pests. They were almost ready to harvest. Not too much longer and it would be market season, and with any luck you would have enough harvest to make a little more to put back.

As you stood up, you picked two pods off the vine. One went straight into your mouth. The crunch was superb. Definitely ready. You tossed the other pod to Hank, who was lying in his spot on the porch, more than ready to start sunbathing. He was a useless cowdog, but you’d be damned if you didn’t love him.

“You’re doin’ great, buddy,” you said softly. He continued to crunch on the pea pod as you scratched behind his ear and walked inside.

Based on the noise echoing through the log cabin, everyone was already in the kitchen. Good, you wouldn’t have to chase them down. Not that you had to do that much anymore, everyone had fallen into a rather comfortable rhythm. A schedule, if you will. A routine fit for the veterans you now called your family.

“Thank god,” Jane sighed as you walked through the doorway into the kitchen. “Roy’s burning breakfast.”

“Course he is,” you mumbled.

“I’m not burning anything,” Roy called back. He still stepped aside without protest when you walked up beside him.

“Yet,” you said with a raised brow.

“Morning,” was all he said in reply before walking back to sit at the long kitchen table.

The whole crew was already up and ready to go while you finished saving breakfast. A wonderful array of eggs, bacon, sausage, and… well, whatever they could get out of a can. For some unknown reason - it wasn’t entirely unknown, just unconfirmed - they made it a habit to steal cans from an old military warehouse not too far away. They’d grab whatever they could carry, come back, and barter them amongst each other until their next run.

You weren’t sure why they didn’t just share, considering they all lived in the same place.

“Are you working today?” Greenback asked from where he was sitting on one of the counters.

“Yes,” you said with a nod. You turned and gave him The Look, as they all dubbed it. “Which means I can’t bail you out today. So unless you want to spend the night in jail,” you look back down, “don’t get arrested again.”

“Yes mom,” he mocked. “You don’t have to remind me every day.”

“Sure she does,” Hippie said. Unlike the others, he was waiting patiently for breakfast. “She didn’t remind you last week. Remember what happened?”

There was an awkward silence. You bit your lip to keep from laughing because you certainly remembered. So had your savings, quite frankly. And he was paying you back for it dollar by dollar, so he remembered too.

“I got arrested,” Greenback finally answered, so quietly it was almost inaudible.

“So maybe she does need to tell you,” Hippie said.

“Now listen here-”

-the noise of their argument died out. It was a skill you had learned after only a year of being there. All of them were wild, constantly arguing and occasionally devolving into screaming. Terrifying at first, considering each of them had killed someone at least once in their lives. Now you knew better.

They just needed someone to care.

“Here.”

Out of the corner of your eye, Roy held out a cigarette. You mouthed a silent “thank you” before taking it, waiting patiently for him to flick his lighter open. Smoking was a nasty habit. Yet, when everyone around you imbibed, it was easy enough to fall into it with them. In a strange twist of fate, Camels were preferred over Marlboros. Peculiar.

Disgusting.

“Going to the hospital this morning?” Roy asked.

You nodded and exhaled the ashy smoke. “Wanna go with me?”

He was already shaking his head. “Those are your people, not mine,” he grumbled before leaning back against the counter and crossing his arms.

“Some are vets,” you said, looking at him with a raised brow. “Just cause you don’t claim ‘em don’t mean they’re not yours.”

“Tell that to our old man,” Roy said, all joking aside.

“Yeah, well.” You exhaled the last cloud of smoke before you put the cigarette out on one of the many trays around the house. “I got a few other things I’d rather say to him.”

“You and me both,” he said, patting your shoulder and pushing away from the counter with his hip.

He was doing better, you thought as you told everyone breakfast was finally ready. He was much better. Maybe it had something to do with being around a bunch of other people who understood. Everyone in the compound - or commune, as Hippie called it - except you had been in Vietnam. They knew each other’s struggles and fears. As much as your daddy hated the term, it was everyone’s safe space.

“Hey Preacher, you’ll bail me out if I get arrested tomorrow, right?”

And unfortunately, you were everyone’s Commune Mother. Who would’ve thought?

��---

“Morning, Richard,” you said once you saw the kind doctor behind the desk.

“Good morning, Preacher,” he said with a smile that hid behind his mustache. “I was hoping to see you this morning.”

You smiled to yourself and gripped your bag tighter. Dr. Richard was a sweet man, not too different from Huck. If Huck was closer to your father’s age than yours, that was. His smile wasn’t as crooked, but you supposed some would find it attractive.

Not you. But someone.

“Who do you have for me this mornin’?” You asked, instinctively leaning over the counter.

You weren’t supposed to, you knew it was against policy. Richard had said it was something against patient privacy or something like that. The first few times, just the thought of violating someone’s privacy was enough to send you home. The last thing you wanted to do was read something they didn’t want you to. You knew that better than most.

Now though? Oh, now they could tell you to your face if they wanted you to back off.

The long list of names was almost as recognisable as the Bible itself. You visited a very specific type of patient. A type that had gotten you ostracised your first few months. You knew every single patient that came in, and every single one that Robert - you adamantly refused to call him daddy anymore - condemned to hell. If they were going to hell, you were going with them.

“Here we go,” Richard said, pulling you out of your thoughts. “Mr. Baker.”

You leaned further across the table, almost touching foreheads with Richard. Mr. Baker was new, if you remembered correctly. In his 50s, grumpy, determined the world was out to get him. Maybe it was, you knew the feeling. Hell, the world had been out to get you. It wasn’t too far-fetched to believe it might be the same for him.

“He gonna throw anything at me?” You asked as you finally dropped back to the floor.

“He’s been advised not to,” Richard said with a sigh.

“Oh thank the lord, he’s been advised.”

“I’m sure he’ll behave,” he said. His smile was always nice. Kind.

“I’ll go see,” you said. You pushed yourself away from the desk but didn’t get very far before you heard Richard call after you.

“Can I buy you dinner tonight?”

You looked at him for a moment, your head tilted. This wasn’t a new question. In fact, he asked nearly every week, if memory served you right. Part of you wanted to tell him yes, just once. Just once to see if you could change. It would certainly make the world a lot easier to deal with.

It wouldn’t be fair to him.

“I have to work,” you said with a soft smile. He kept getting smaller as you walked backwards.

“How about a drink?” He leaned forward on the desk.

Oh, he was charming. And yet, you still felt nothing but a platonic admiration for him. Nothing you did would “fix” you. If you couldn’t fall for someone who was inarguably a perfect match, with the only issue being he was a man? Nothing would work. And for the life of you, you still couldn’t decide if it was because you were broken?

Or perhaps nothing was wrong with you at all.

“Ask me again next week,” you told him.

“Will you say yes?” He asked as he stood up straight. It was the same old song and dance, week after week. A routine. Comfort.

“No,” you said with a cheeky grin. You managed to see Richard shake his head and smile to himself before you turned around and continued your walk through the hospital halls.

As unusual as it sounded, there was something comforting about the hospital. Yes, it was filled with disease and death and despair. An unfortunate consequence of the times. But with all the time you had spent between the walls, you felt at home. No one judged; they didn’t have the time nor capacity. You felt welcome. Wanted.

Mr. Baker’s door wasn’t hard to find; you knew the layout like the back of your hand. Though you would admit, you didn’t think you had been to that particular room before. Not that it mattered, they were all the same. At least it would be easy enough to find for next time.

You knocked on the door three times, gave it a moment, and walked in.

“Good morning, Mr. Baker, I-”

“-Get out of my fucking room,” he said before you could even close the door. “I don’t want some fucking priest in here.”

Your mouth snapped shut. In your mind, you checked off the boxes as you studied him. Grumpy? Judging by the set of his mouth, check. Older? His balding head of grey hair was a check. Sick? Well, he was in the hospital, so check. Scared?

Check.

“Good thing I’m not a priest,” you said slowly. He could hear perfectly well, but you didn’t want to make him more angry. A skill you had learned rather quickly.

“I can see a bible thumper from a mile away,” he continued. “It’s sticking out of your damn bag.”

Slowly, you looked down. Damn. He was right.

“I’m not a bible thumper, Mr. Baker,” you tried to say.

“If you’re not some priest, what are you?”

“Would you like my name?” You asked.

“I don’t give a fuck what your name is.” He shook his head. “I want to know what you are.”

“What do you want me to be?” You asked as you took a step further into the room.

“You some kinda prostitute or something?” He asked. You finally noticed his thick Yankee accent.

“Is that what you want me to be?” You asked again, taking another step.

He opened and shut his mouth twice before looking away from you. The very first few weeks you had started coming to the hospital, you remembered what everyone had told you. They’re like cornered animals. You had initially taken offense at the sentiment. They were scared, and the staff had the nerve to compare them to animals?

Until you remembered when you were cornered. You had been just as angry, just as scared, and just as vicious. Those first few months alone without the three people you knew would have protected you. Those were the most terrifying months of your life. Each time someone looked at you, fear raced through your veins. Did they know? Would they try to kill you too, just for the crime of existing? Were they angels, coming to personally drag you to hell for the sin of love?

Only once you had someone who cared did you feel any sort of comfort in your skin. Roy and his entire gang would fight heaven and hell for you. They didn’t care who you loved, they just cared that you were safe. That you were loved, unconditionally. It wasn’t a feeling you were accustomed to.

Everyone you visited in the hospital just wanted to be loved, not feared or ridiculed.

You took another step closer.

“If you want me to leave, I will,” you said softly. “Just say the word.”

Mr. Baker continued to look out the window. It didn’t feel right to stay if he didn’t want you, and you wouldn’t blame him. You waited a few more seconds in awkward silence before nodding slowly to yourself. He didn’t want you there, and that was okay. You backed up and turned to face the door. It was alright, you could always try again next-

“-you can stay.” You smiled to yourself while still facing the door. “Since you’re already here.”

It was a lovely visit with Mr. Baker. He had been a lawyer, back before the epidemic scandal. Hell, he had been a lawyer less than a week ago. All until he had gotten too sick, and got fired for being gay. He complained about his wife leaving him, but he didn’t seem all that upset by it. You could understand.

“If you’re not a priest,” Mr. Baker said, “why carry that damn book?”

“Cause it used to bring me comfort,” you said as you flipped aimlessly through the Bible. “It’s the last thing I have of home.”

“You get excommunicated?” He asked.

You turned and gave him a sad smile. “Somethin’ like that.”

“Do you feel free yet?”

No. Not entirely, at least. That feeling of guilt that had weighed on you throughout your entire adult life had eased, but you weren’t free. Free would be living with Lorraine, and Beau and Huck. Not a care in the world, just living off together and doing whatever you all wished. Yeah. Yeah, that was freedom.

“Not yet,” you finally answered.

Mr. Baker chuckled humourlessly. “That’s what I thought.”

You didn’t stay much longer. He made you promise to come back next week. Well, he didn’t so much make you promise, it was more like you can come back, if you want. But you had been around enough people to know what that meant, so you said you’d come back.

Without your bible, of course, that was what he emphasised.

“Hey Mama.”

You smiled at the words. “Hey baby.” Quietly, you closed the door behind you. “How are you today?”

Eric smiled back at you. “Better and better each day.”

You both knew it was a lie. From what Richard had patiently described to you, Eric was at most a few months away from dying. No more than a boy at only 19, he was going to die without any of his family around. All because they thought he was gay. Perhaps that was why he had attached himself to you as quickly as he had; there was no time to be picky.

“Come sit with me,” he said as he patted the spot beside him.

Without hesitation, you placed your bag at the end of the bed and crawled in with him. The television was situated directly in front of the bed, on a rolling cart that you often found yourself moving. It was some western, but you couldn’t be bothered to know which one. All knowledge of westerns had been forcibly shoved out of your mind the moment you had been displaced.

If anyone from home would have seen you at that moment, they would have keeled over. Not only were you in bed with a suspected gay boy, but one with AIDS? The devil’s disease? The thought of their disgust alone was enough to warm your soul. You hoped they would find out, and you hoped it killed them.

You wouldn’t bother going to their funerals.

“You bring the goods?” Eric asked.

You were already nodding your head as you leaned forward to grab your bag. “If you tell anyone I got these for you, I’ll never buy them again.”

“My mouth is shut,” he said.

He watched with hungry eyes as you pulled out the contraband. The first was a pack of cigarettes; Lucky Strikes. Eric claimed he liked them for the flavour. You knew it was because his grandfather had smoked them during the second world war. Second was a pack of baseball cards, unopened, directly from the corner store a few blocks away. Rumour had it they carried the best cards around.

Third was a Playboy, which you quickly handed over so you wouldn’t have to touch it anymore.

“Oh, you’re the best,” he mumbled to himself as he ripped open the pack of baseball cards with his teeth. “Bet there’s something special in here.”

“I hope there is,” you said with a barely concealed laugh.

While he pulled the cards out, he handed the pack of smokes to you. As much as you knew better, it had become a nice little routine of yours. You would open the smokes and get one started for both you and him. He would look through the cards and show you the “good ones,” going on about every little detail. Once your cigarettes were nothing more than a filter, you would sit back, enjoy a bit of company, and watch whatever you could find on the television.

“Oh this is amazing, wanna hear about it?” He asked, but he didn’t wait for an answer before starting talking.

You slipped the light cigarette into his mouth while he talked. His enthusiasm was contagious. You had not the slightest idea who he was even talking about, but even you were impressed with the person’s statistics. Not enough to remember any of it, but that didn’t really matter.

Eric carried on, and you just sat there and watched him. He reminded you of Jimmy. Young, eager, excited about the little things. It was good to be young. Good to be excited about things that others would consider silly or inconsequential. Maybe that was why you had such a soft spot for him. You might not have had Jimmy, but you had someone that gave you hope in the world.

It wasn’t enough. But it would do.

“Oh shit,” Eric said in a hushed voice. You looked down to see the Playboy in his hands. “They’ve got Miss Minx in here.”

Your brows pulled together as you looked down at the magazine. Admittedly, you couldn’t have cared less about the issue. Your small window into the world of smut had closed that night Lorraine had left. It didn’t have anything to do with you anymore and, quite frankly, perhaps it was all for the better.

But nothing could have prepared you to see a full print of Maxine in a Playboy.

“She made it,” you whispered to yourself with a small smile. “The crazy bitch made it.”

“What do you mean?” Eric asked. His eyes grew wide as he looked up at you. “Wait, did you know her?”

“Yeah,” you said softly. “Her and her whole crew.”

“You knew her early stuff?” He asked excitedly. His body turned to face you.

You nodded.

“Like Bobby-Lynne?”

Another nod.

“And Jackson Hole?”

And another.

“And-”

“-Yes, I knew them all,” you interrupted.

You couldn’t hear her name coming from someone else’s lips. It would have been sinful to speak of the woman you would have worshipped day and night. Something about hearing someone else talk about her felt wrong. Blasphemous even. It was better to let sleeping dogs lie.

At least out loud.

“Think you can get me an autograph?” Eric asked, still as enthusiastic as ever. “It can be my, uh,” he exhaled harshly. “What’s it called,” he mumbled. His eyes lit up before he looked at you again. “That Make A Wish thing.”

“Ain’t that for kids with cancer?” You asked.

“Maybe,” he said with a shrug. “But I’m a kid with AIDS, so I think I count.”

“Don’t think it works that way, baby,” you chuckled.

“Just one autograph,” he begged. “I won’t ever shoot up again, I promise.”

“You already can’t shoot up again,” you said not unkindly. “That’s what got you here in the first place.”

“Oh come on, please?”

You sighed and shook your head. You always had been a sucker for big brown eyes.

“I’ll see what I can do,” you said dejectedly.

The rest of the visit went exactly as it always did. Eric talked non stop about everything that crossed his mind, and you listened. From what he had been “forced” to eat last night, to what he was looking forward to you bringing next week. He very much wanted a burger from your bar. You couldn’t argue; it was the most sensible thing he had asked for in months.

“Don’t get in trouble before I come back,” you told him as you walked to the door. It was past time for work.

“I promise on my life,” he said with a smile that showed off the purple lesions on his gums. “Love you, Mama!”

“Love you too, baby,” you called out, shooting him one last smile before leaving the room.

The first tear fell before the door clicked shut.

With a shake of your head, you made your way out of the hospital. Richard gave you a quick goodbye, and you were off to work. It was some sleazy gay bar on the outside of town. You knew better than to try and take a cab out there. If Roy or Jane couldn’t grab you from the hospital, you would just walk the 30 minutes to get there. Safety first.

Unfortunately, it was far too hot for the walk. It was nothing you weren’t used to, but that didn’t make it enjoyable. Sweat was dripping into your eyes and keeping your shirt stuck to your back by the time you finally walked through the doors of the bar. Thankfully you kept a change of clothes in the back.

“Thank god,” Jessie groaned when you came back to the bar in much cleaner clothes. “I was about to panic.”

“Don’t be a dick,” you whispered in his direction as you smiled at the man on the other side of the bar.

“Is your doctor coming in tonight?” He asked with far too much excitement.

“Go serve your drinks, pretty boy,” you told him before turning back around to start working.

There was something surprisingly enjoyable about working at a bar. Or perhaps it was technically called a club, you weren’t entirely sure. Regardless, you loved it. It was freeing in a way. No one expected you to act a certain way, or pretend to be something you weren’t. You could just laugh, have fun, and genuinely thrive.

“Can I buy you that drink now?”

You smiled to yourself before sitting on the other side of the table. Richard had made himself at home - as he usually did when you worked - and was still nursing his singular drink. His usual doctor’s coat had long been abandoned, instead replaced by a flowery shirt and some cargo shorts. Something that made him stick out tremendously among the group of gay men and women.

“Not on my break,” you told him.

“How about a smoke?” He asked, pulling out a fresh pack of Camels out of his shirt pocket. With skilled fingers, he opened it and pulled a single cigarette out.

“Oh, you’re my hero,” you mumbled, leaning forward to wrap your lips around what he had dubbed the “cancer stick.”

“Those are bad for you, you know,” he said even as he lit it for you and slid the pack and lighter across the table.

“I stopped caring about that a long time ago, Rich,” you said.

As the patrons continued to mill about and enjoy their night, you sat quietly with Richard. He really was a good man, and a part of you wished you could love him. Hell, he had helped you through a lot, the least you could do was give him the one thing he wanted. If you had any belief that you were capable of it, you would have taken him up on his offer long ago.

But you couldn’t in good conscience marry a man that you couldn’t properly appreciate. It wouldn’t have been fair to him. You had watched Lorraine go down that road with RJ, and it hadn’t gone well. She was miserable, doubtless, he had picked up on it as well, and neither one ended up being happy. That was no way to live.

You put out the smouldering cigarette on the ashtray and immediately lit another. That train of thought was not going to end well. You hadn’t painstakingly forced yourself to keep going just to end up thinking too hard one night at work. No, you simply needed to feel the sticky burn at the back of your throat a few more times.

“Is Roy taking you home tonight?” Richard asked.

You hummed affirmative. “No need to play taxi cab,” you teased.

“Will you be back in the hospital soon?” You nodded again. “The men love you.”

“How ironic,” you said with a humourless laugh. “If we had loved each other to begin with, all our lives would’ve been different.”

“Don’t be cynical,” Richard said. He reached out and placed his hand on top of yours. It was warm. Soft. So very different from Beau’s.

You thought for a second before answering. “What do you want me to be?”

“Don’t start that,” he said, quickly pulling his hand back. You couldn’t help smiling at him. “That trick doesn’t work on me, sweetheart.”

“You’re right, I’m sorry,” you said. Another inhale, another ache in the back of your throat, another satisfying cloud of smoke. “Jessie said I need to quit usin’ humour to cope.”

“He’s not wrong,” Richard said. His voice was soft over the sound of the music playing in the bar. “Do you need to talk about it?”

He really was sweet, you thought. Truly a shame.

“I’m alright, Rich,” you said. “Really.”

“I know, just,” he sighed. “I know we aren’t compatible, but I do care for you.” He, too, had irresistible big brown eyes. “I’m not going anywhere.”

You didn’t know what to say. It was all entirely too much, and you were still feeling emotional from hanging out with Eric earlier. The last thing you needed was for Richard to get emotional on you. If you were being honest with yourself, you needed him to mind his own business.

“You need to go home,” you said with a smile. It was a poor attempt at teasing. “Jessie works tonight.”

“Oh shit,” Richard mumbled. His back straightened and he looked around frantically. “Yeah, I had better go.”

“You should say yes sometime,” you said as you both stood up from the table. “You’d make his year.”

His eyes got big before he undoubtedly noticed the crinkle by your eyes. “I couldn’t dare lead him on like that.”

“Go home, Rich,” you laughed.

You leaned up on your toes to press a quick kiss to his cheek. It was scratchy; he needed to shave again. Roy had told you not to give the man hope, but you weren’t. From the beginning, you had been very clear with him where you stood, and he had never pushed you for a different answer. A kiss on the cheek was nothing more than kindness.

“Get home safe, sweetheart,” he said. “I’ll see you later.”

You bid him goodbye and walked back to the bar. If you put all your attention into work, it wouldn’t be long before you closed and you could go home. Tomorrow would be calm until you had to go back to work later that evening. There should be plenty of time to start harvesting crops and getting everyone set up for the next few weeks.

“I’ll get that man to love me one day,” Jessie said. You followed his line of sight to see Richard walking out the door.

“Sorry, Jess,” you said with a shrug, “but I don’t think he’ll budge.”

“Then he can tell me no himself,” he said. “I can wait.”

“You’re gonna get you in trouble one day,” you said as you started preparing a drink for one of the usuals that had just walked in the door.

“So are you,” he said from his spot beside you. “Someone was asking for you while you were with Doctor Handsome.”

You slid the drink across the bar. “And what did you say?”

“We don’t give out that information,” he repeated like he had so many times before. “I know the rules, I’m no amateur.”

You hummed in acknowledgment as you continued working. Who could have come asking for you? Perhaps it was one of the Vets; Jessie didn’t know all of them. Vulture was quite the intimidating character, maybe it had been him. He was the least likely of the crew to remember your work schedule. Yeah, it was probably him.

The rest of the night was reasonably quiet. Those were some of your favourite nights. There were fewer expectations and interactions. You could simply do your job, get paid, and go home. No stress, no need to overthink, nothing. It was wonderful.

Like clockwork, Roy walked into the bar after everyone had left and you were finishing cleaning. He sat down at the bar, resting his arms on the cool wood. Without stopping your movements, you slid the pristine pack of cigarettes over to him, which he swiftly opened and lit.

“How was the hospital?” Roy asked.

You leaned forward so he could place a smoke between your lips. “Same as always,” you said. “Eric’s magazine had Maxine in it.”

An exceptionally tough stain captured your attention. Having something to focus on was nice, you didn’t want to think about seeing Maxine. In fact, you already regretted bringing it up. You knew Roy had liked her too, even though he had only met her once or twice. It wasn’t fair to either one of you for you to have brought it up.

“Well hello, Roy,” Jessie said as he sidled up next to you.

“Hello, Jessie,” Roy said politely. And nothing more than polite.

“You ever going to party with us?” Jessie asked. He was not helping you clean. “I think you would be good for business.”

“It ain’t really my scene,” Roy said with an unsure smile.

“It could be,” Jessie said. The flirt.

You quickly shoved your hand towel into Jessie’s hands. “Think you can finish closin’ on your own?”

Roy took that as his sign to head out, telling Jessie a short “good night” before heading to the truck waiting on the street. You loved Jessie to death, you really did, but he was going to get himself into a world of hurt if he didn’t stop. Roy wasn’t homophobic by any means, but the man still wasn’t consistently stable. He was not the one to play with.

“Quit flirtin’ with my brother,” you hissed as you grabbed your Camels, lighter, and cash tips. “And my doctor.”

“Quit bringing handsome men to the bar,” Jessie called after you. “It’s not fair, you know.”

“Night Jessie,” you shouted. He answered as the doors swung closed behind you.

If there was one thing you could say about Roy’s truck, it was that the interior was as pristine as a farmer’s truck could get. Everything was in its place, and everything had a place. The car lighter was always ready, and he kept one pack each of three different smokes in the center bucket. In the glovebox was his pistol and a few spare rounds in an unmarked cardboard box.

“You didn’t share a cigarette with that boy earlier, did you?” Roy asked once he pulled off onto the main road to get back out to the compound.

“No, Roy, I ain’t stupid,” you huffed. “I lit his, then got my own.”

“Don’t get testy,” he defended quickly, “I just don’t want you gettin’ sick too.”

“Oh I’m fine,” you mumbled more to yourself before looking out the window.

It was because he cared, you reminded yourself. Maybe a bit too much, but he did. Even though you both considered the other Vets your family, you still only had each other. No one understood you like he did, and vice versa. You wouldn’t be who you were without him, and he was protective to a fault.

That did not mean you had to enjoy his line of questioning.

“Make any new friends?” He asked after a bit of awkward silence.

You told him all about Mr. Baker; not that there was much to say yet. He listened intently, nodding along with your tale and mumbling encouragement when appropriate. It was a pretty one-sided conversation, but that didn’t matter. He listened, and you got to say a bit. Hell, he even laughed when you complained that Mr. Baker had called you a priest.

“Hey Roy.” You waited until he grunted for you to continue. “Did you ever think maybe Robert was wrong? With his preachin’?”

He laughed. A big laugh, one that would put anyone else to shame. It caught you off guard and you frowned at him even though he was focused on the road. He didn’t need to be so rude.

“I knew he was wrong the day I was drafted,” he said after calming down. “Why d’you ask?”

You looked down at the pieces of paper you were slowly picking off the pack of Marlboros in your hand.

“I’ve just been thinkin’ about it lately,” you said with a shrug.

“What exactly have you been thinkin’ about?” He probed.

“You think God is ashamed of us?” You asked.

When Roy was silent, your fingers pulled at one of the cigarettes in the pack. Maybe Richard was right, you needed to slow down. But with all the thoughts running through your head day and night, the last thing you were worried about was a smoke. That sounded like a problem for the future, if you ever got to it.

You exhaled smoke before continuing. “Think He saw us and decided it was easier to turn his back?” Roy was silent. “Cause He don’t talk to me anymore.” You turned to face Roy, who was still looking straight ahead. “Did I do somethin’ wrong?”

“You did nothin’ wrong,” he said quickly. If you looked closely, his knuckles were paling from his grip on the wheel.

“Just what I’ve been thinkin’ about,” you said quietly. “Sometimes I feel like I did somethin’ wrong.”

The truck pulled up to the front of the house you shared. The lights were on downstairs and in the kitchen. Hopefully Moose wasn’t drunk again. The last thing you wanted to do was deal with his nonsense so late at night. Honestly, you just wanted to go get in bed and start a new day.

“Guess we should head inside,” you mumbled.

You put the cigarette out on the heel of your boot before putting the now-cool butt in your pocket. Everyone knew better than to leave trash in Roy’s truck. But when you went to open the door, Roy’s arm reached in front of you and pushed down the lock.

“Why’d you do that?” You asked with a small laugh. “We’re already parked.”

Both of his hands stayed on the wheel. He still wasn’t looking at you. You knew the look on his face. It had never led to anything good.

“Remember when we first got here?” He asked quietly.

“What?” You asked. He didn’t move. You sighed and shook your head. “Yeah, I remember.”

“You didn’t get out of bed for two months,” he continued.

“Why are you askin’?”

He exhaled slowly. “I wrote a letter back home not long after we arrived.”

“What?” You asked incredulously.

“I didn’t leave a return address, but I wrote to Ma that we were safe,” he said.

“You never told me that,” you said.

“I didn’t want them to hear from Mr. Dylan first and think badly of you,” he said.

Finally, he turned to face you. He wore a troubled look, one you so often saw when he was having a hard day. It usually accompanied a bit of crying, perhaps some yelling, and a lot of nightmares before that look of his went away. You didn’t like that he had it again.

“A few weeks ago, I got a letter from someone,” he said. “Through the circuit.”

You vaguely remembered him explaining that to you. Some backroot way Vets were talking with each other. A system they had all created with a bunch of different towns. If you sent a letter through the circuit, some way somehow, eventually it would find who it was supposed to. You didn’t question it much since none of your Vets used it.

But only other Vets knew about it.

“Who sent you a letter?” You asked.

Roy looked at you with pathetic puppy dog eyes.

“Roy,” you said, more stern, “who sent it?”

“Jackson.”

You looked back at the house. And the silhouette of someone now standing in the window. Perhaps they were looking out, you didn’t know. You didn’t care. You knew that silhouette. Knew it like the back of your hand; better than that, actually.

With shaking hands, you put another cigarette between your lips. It took far too many tries to start the lighter, and even longer to keep it still long enough to catch a light. The smoke and ash didn’t hurt enough. It didn’t quell whatever was going on inside your chest.

“Unlock the truck, please,” you said softly.

Roy didn’t move.

“Unlock the fuckin’ truck,” you said more forcefully.

The moment you heard the lock click, you threw the door open. Heavy boots hit the hard ground, and you gripped the door handle until you were sure you could stand on your own. The ground tilted beneath you, like a ship on the sea. Back and forth in front of your very eyes. Or maybe it was still.

You started walking away from the house. It would be a decent walk, but that was okay. Long enough for you to clear your head, get a grip on reality, and rest. You knew where to find a warm bed, and no one would do anything to you. Everyone knew not to mess with you, you had friends in high places.

“Where are you goin’?” Roy called out to you.

You took a drag of the cigarette. “I’ll stay the night at Richard’s,” you called back. You sounded pathetic. Weak. Broken.

“You ain’t just walkin’ away-”

“-why not?” You interrupted as you spun on your heels to face him. “Why can’t I just walk away?” He looked at you intensely. “That’s what we did four years ago. Why is this any different?”

“Because you could’ve died,” Roy said quickly. “When I walked in, you were about to be fuckin’ executed.”

“Better than bein’ lynched,” you said. “At least it would’ve been quick.”

“Don't act like you weren't scared.”

“I've been scared every day of my adult life,” you admitted. There was a lump in your throat. “How would you even know how I feel anyway?”

“Because,” he laughed, “none of us are stupid. You're not as good at hidin’ your feelings as you think”

You scoffed and crossed your arms over your chest. “You're full of shit.”

“Oh yeah?” He asked, standing taller. “Then how come everyone always saw you as a bigger suicide risk than me?”

You froze.

“Yeah, now you're listening,” he continued. “You think no one talked behind your back? Even Ma would ask me if you were alright, if you and Beau were good.” He shook his head. “Everyone was worried as all get out about you.”

“If y'all were so concerned, you sure knew how to hide it,” you argued.

“What were we gonna do, Y/N?” Roy asked. “Potentially out you to the whole town? You're right, they would've lynched you outside the church.”

“I already told you, I wasn't scared of dyin’,” you said as you walked closer.

“Don't act like you gave up in that church because you weren't scared,” he said harshly. “You gave up to protect Lorraine.” His finger jabbed into your chest harshly. “If you died, no one would've ever known about her and she could've lived happily ever after. You gave up because you love her,” he practically hissed.

You took a step back. The burn of a lit cigarette inched closer to your knuckles. It was a feeling you could live with because at least it was a feeling. A better feeling than whatever Roy’s words had done to you. They were carving out your insides, scraping you off the edges until you wanted to cry and scream and hike into the woods until you couldn’t remember your own name.

“We missed Gramma’s funeral.” You shook your head. “We missed our baby brother’s wedding.” It wasn’t true. “I ain’t lettin’ you miss anything else.”

It was too much. Everything was just too much. What did he mean? Gramma had been in perfect health when you had left. Hell, you all swore she would live forever. And what about Jimmy getting married? Sure, you had expected it sooner or later, but without you?

He got married without you?

“I’ve spent four years workin’ on movin’ on, Roy,” you said. The lump in your throat only grew bigger. “I’ve worked day and night to try and live without her.”

“And look where you are, darlin’,” he said. “You still have nightmares from that damn church. And Jessie told me how many women you’ve turned down.” The cigarette butt fell from your fingers. “Think someone who’s moved on would do that?”

Damn Jessie. Damn him for talking with Roy. Though, he wasn’t wrong. Over the course of working at the bar, more than your fair share of women had asked you to dinner or to buy you a drink. They were all nice, and attractive. But you told them no time and time again because of one flaw that wasn’t their fault.

They weren’t Lorraine.

“You’ve been through some shit,” Roy said softly, and you looked up to meet his eyes. “Don’t go throwin’ away your shot at happiness.”

You wrapped your arms around your body and looked at the house. The silhouette was still in one of the windows of the living room. If you looked closer, you could see the scene you had always wished for. Holding Lorraine close, in a house you called your own, drinking coffee and watching the sunrise. No fears, no shame, just love.

It was what you wanted more than anything.

“I don’t wanna lose her again,” you whispered.

For the first time in a while, Roy smiled at you. “I promise you won’t.”

His hand rested on the small of your back before gently pushing you forward. Right, you needed to move. Okay, you could do that, you could move. All you needed to do was get to the house, right? Get to the house and get the girl. That’s what Jimmy would’ve told you. It’s what Beau and Huck would’ve told you.

Each step closer to the house forced your heart to beat harder and harder. Roy had seemed pretty confident, but what if he was wrong? What if Lorraine was there to officially end it? After all, she had been engaged to RJ. Not happily, but she had been. Without you around, what need would she have to break it off?

Oh, that wasn’t a good train of thought. Not good at all. Maybe you didn’t want to see her again. You didn’t think your heart could handle rejection, not after everything it had already been through. It would be less painful than jumping in front of the train that ran through the outskirts of town.

But what if she said yes?

Now that. That would be worth the risk.

Roy’s footsteps could be heard around the porch. There was a side door that lead to the second half of the house, the one that had originally been its own building. After everyone had knocked the middle wall down to make one house, they had still treated it as separate. That’s where the Vets stayed more often than not.

Which left you alone.

You couldn’t stay outside the door forever. Well, you could. Maybe you should. Would that really be so bad? Just sleep outside for the night, you could go find Hank’s dog house and rest. Moose had built it big enough to fit, well, a moose. Yeah, you could fit, it might be a good idea just to stay in there.

Someone shuffled around inside, and you couldn’t take it. You needed to know if it was her. You needed to know for sure, and you needed to give your heart a break. Whatever the outcome, it would bring some sort of closure. Anything was better than the limbo you had been living in.

The door creaked as you pushed it open. It pierced your heart like the splinters outside. Your palms could not have been more clammy. The floor was solid beneath you. It swayed beneath you, but at least it didn’t feel like it was falling out under your feet. That was always nice.

You faced the door as you closed it. The shuffling behind you - it was in the kitchen - came to an abrupt stop. The wooden door was rough beneath your fingers. If you scratched it, you could flake off the paint. Some scratched paint was the least of everyone’s worries in that house.

Turn around. If you could just turn around, it would be okay. Roy said it would be okay, and you trusted him. He wouldn’t lie to you, not about this. With a sigh, you let your forehead rest against the door. Come on, you just needed to turn around. Right. Something weighed heavy in your stomach. You felt sick.

One slow breath in.

Slow breath out.

A splinter pricked your finger as you pushed yourself back and turned around. You focused on that, looking down at the sliver of wood. Tired fingers picked at it, and you used it as a distraction. Work at the splinter, and get your breathing under control. Once you were ready, you could look up.

But you couldn’t wait. You had waited so long already. Within your chest, your heart was aching. Reaching out for its other half. Scratching at the confines of bones and flesh to escape and relish in its freedom once again. To drown itself in the love that it so desperately desires.

You just needed to look up.

The moment you saw those brown eyes again, you knew it was over. All the pain and suffering and rejection. The fear of being found out, or being ostracised for a love that was no different than anyone else’s. It was over once you locked eyes with her.

She looked tired. The bags underneath her eyes rivaled your own; no small feat. If she had lost weight, you wouldn’t have faulted her. You had certainly lost your fair share. It was difficult to keep yourself well fed when you didn’t see the point in continuing. You knew that well.

Should you say something to her? She was looking at you like it was expected, but what could you possibly say? A simple hello wouldn’t suffice, not after everything you had both been through. Not after you had nearly been killed. What could you say to the woman you loved? What could make up for those years apart? Those years spent denying something serious was taking place within your hearts for the sake of peace?

Turned out, all you had to do was breathe.

One inhale was all it took. Lorraine’s body slammed into you before you could do anything else, knocking all the breath out of you in one fell swoop. Her momentum carried you, and before you could steady yourself, the floor rushed up to meet your back. It should have hurt, should have stolen the breath from your lungs and ached for days to come.

But you didn’t feel anything besides her body against yours. You had forgotten how well she fit in your arms. Like you were supposed to be together, two halves of the same mould. She was warm, and soft, and her heart beat rapidly against your chest. If you listened closely, your heart was in sync with hers. Like it should have been. Like it always had been.

With your back to the floor, she couldn’t properly wrap her arms around you. But you could. Your arms wrapped around her shoulders and pulled her tighter. Her breath tickled against the hollow at the base of your neck. When you inhaled, she smelled of spring. She always smelled of spring.

“I knew I’d find you again,” Lorraine mumbled against your skin. Her lips were soft.

You didn’t know what to say, so you said nothing at all. You just pulled her tighter against you. If you could keep her where she was, it would be impossible for her to disappear. No running off to go on some film shoot, no leaving to save face with RJ. She would stay right there in your arms where she belonged.

Where she was supposed to be.

“Baby?” She whispered. You hummed in acknowledgment. “This is getting uncomfortable.”

An ache shot through your hips when you tried to move. Clearly, she was right. Your girl was always right. But you weren’t going to let her go, not so soon. Instead, you kept your arms wrapped around her and struggled into a sitting position. It was like instinct for her to maneuver herself so she could sit in your lap and rest her head between your collar and jaw.

“They said you and Roy ran off,” Lorraine said softly. Small fingers played with the buttons of your shirt. “First it was a vacation, then he kidnapped you, then y’all were dead.”

A low rumble cleared your throat. “Weren’t no vacation, that’s for sure.”

“Missing the fourth of July gave that away,” she said.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered into her hair.

“Beau lost his mind,” she continued. “Huck couldn’t even keep him calm.”

“Are they-”

“-they’re still good,” she said quickly. “Just worried about you.”

“And you?”

You knew she cared. God, you knew. But you needed to hear her say it. All your feelings had been put aside day after day because you couldn’t ruin whatever pretend lives you had on display for everyone. She needed to say it, to confirm that yes, she does love you, she did miss you, you weren’t imagining everything.

“Every day, I prayed to find you,” she said softly. “And if that wasn’t possible, then I prayed for God to just kill me.” Her breath tickled your neck. “When every beat of your heart hurts because it longs for something it can’t have, you start to wish for the worst.”

You didn’t have any sort of reply for her. What would you say? If they had all been that concerned without even knowing what had happened that night, you couldn’t in good conscience tell her the truth. I’m sorry you were worried, baby, but we left because I was almost murdered. How would that help anything? Besides, you were more than content to try and forget the whole night anyway.

In your lap, Lorraine shifted until her back was pressed against you and your hands rested in her lap. Naturally, your chin rested on her shoulder as you looked down. Her warm hands played with your own, twisting them this way and that. Gently, of course. It was then you noticed something different, and you rubbed your finger across her bare ring finger.

“I broke it off,” she said.

Hell, she didn’t need to say more. Those four words were enough to have your stomach rolling. Those shackles you had both been bound by were gone. No need to pretend you were nothing more than best friends. Friends. The word left an ashy taste in your mouth. No, you would never be her friend again.

“Was he upset?” You asked.

She was silent for a moment. “I think he saw it comin’.”

“Damn,” you said. “I was hopin’ he was devastated.”

Lorraine laughed. A big laugh. God, it was beautiful. The sound of her laugh warmed your chest from the inside, spreading down to every nerve in your body. Only she could make you feel like that. You had always known it, but this just proved it even further.

“I missed you,” she said softly. Her fingers continued to gently pick at yours. “Missed just bein’ with you.”

“I missed you too,” you answered.

Hesitantly, you turned your head to place a ghost of a kiss on her cheek. If you thought about it for too long, you believed you felt her shiver. It could’ve been a figment of your imagination, but you didn’t think so. She leaned back with what little space she had left, leaving no room between the two of you.

“I think you need a new ring,” you said as you ran your thumb over her ring finger again.

“Buy me dinner first,” Lorraine said without hesitation. Her voice sounded sleepy. “I’m still recovering from a failed engagement, remember?”

“Oh yeah,” you said. “I bet you’re devastated.”

“Heartbroken, really,” she said as she turned around, placing her legs on either side of your hips, keeping you trapped. You were done when her arms wrapped themselves around your neck.

“You have my condolences,” you said. Her eyes were mesmerising.

“Thank you.” Her fingers played with the hair on the back of your neck. It tickled. “I think I just need some comfort.”

“Well lucky for you, that’s my job,” you said. “I can bring you all the comfort you need.”

Her smile was contagious. God, it was so pretty. She was so pretty, scars and all. You had missed her, in every way you could imagine. Being able to sit with her, tease, joke, enjoy just being with her? You had missed it all. And when she leaned forward to rest her forehead against yours? You were in heaven.

“I think I just want-”

“-oh shit.”

The voice forced your body to tense up. Lorraine’s hands gripped the back of your shirt tighter before she hid her head in the crook of your neck. Across from where you were sitting, at the bottom of the stairs by the kitchen, was Bull. A monster of a man if ever you saw one.

If you ignored his Garfield sleep shirt.

“Sorry, Mama,” he said with a smirk. “Just came down for a snack.”

Of course he did. Out of everyone, Moose and Bull were the ones who snacked in the middle of the night. None of the other Vets came down. They would wander, sure, but they wouldn’t get the munchies. For Moose, it was from the weed. Bull? Well, he was just a big guy.

“Cookies are in the cupboard,” you said with a gesture of your head.

Lorraine gripped you tighter.

“Chocolate chip?” He asked even though he was already digging for them.

“Shortbread,” you answered.

“Fuck yes,” he mumbled once he found them. “Thanks, Mama.” He froze at the bottom of the stairs and looked back at you. “Night, you two.”

“Night, Bull,” you called back.

The two of you must have been quite the sight to see in the middle of the night. Sitting on the floor, not moving, holding each other like your lives depended on it. Which maybe they did, you couldn’t be sure. It certainly felt like they did. Like Lorraine would disappear if you gave her any sort of space. You had lost her too many times, you wouldn’t risk it again.

“Sorry,” you mumbled into her hair. “The guys get restless.”

“Mama?” She asked. You could feel her smile against your skin.

“Someone’s gotta mother them,” you defended. “It ain’t like they’re grown or nothin’.”

Lorraine giggled. “I like it, it’s cute.”

Your fingers traced every inch of her skin they could find. When they ran out? They trailed under her shirt. Nothing scandalous, you just wanted to touch her. To feel her and confirm that yes, she was with you. She wasn’t gone, she wasn’t someone else’s, she was yours. Only yours. Your girl, your Rainey.

“Don’t they care?” She asked, pulling back to look into your eyes.“About…” she trailed off. You knew who she was talking about.

“No,” you said with a soft smile, “not at all.”

“Can we-” she stopped mid-sentence. Her eyes drifted down.

You stayed silent to give her time to focus on her words. This whole situation was… difficult, to say the least. Disappearing for years, lying to everyone for years before that. The years had flown by, and who knew how many you had left. But you could give her a few more minutes to get her thoughts in order.

“Can we stay here?” She asked, finally looking back up at you. “All of us? Together?”

That was all you had ever wanted to hear. All you had ever desired from the moment you had realised your feelings for her. To be able to be with her forever, in any capacity, as long as you could call her yours. Lorraine was the only one your heart and body and soul yearned for.

And to have your guys with you? The ones who had been with you both through thick and thin, who had supported you even when things were tough? They were as much your loved ones as Lorraine. Your happily ever after included them too, and you knew Lorraine felt the same.

You leaned forward to capture her lips in a kiss. Soft, gentle, slow. But no less passionate. It was a kiss to make up for the years apart. To make up for all the secrecy, and hiding, and shame. A single kiss to confess your devotion to her and her only. It was enough to have your heart beating so fast you swore it would explode.

Even though she chased after you, you pulled away until you could look into her eyes again.

“Buy me dinner first,” you said, repeating what she had told you earlier.

“You’re lucky I love you,” she said with a smile that stretched across her face in the most delectable way.

“You’re lucky I love you too,” you said, leaning forward to give her another kiss. One that held no shame. It tasted of freedom.

“I need to hold you,” she whispered against your lips. “Take me to bed?”

Well that. Now that you could do.

“I’m your Huckleberry.”

—---

The sun was hot on your back, scorching whatever piece of skin it could find. If you didn’t quit soon, you’d be burned to hell and back. And if you were sunburned, you knew there was an entire compound full of people that would make it a point to hit it. A bunch of sorry bastards is what they were.

The joints in your knees ached as you stood up straight and stretched. A pop here or there released some of the tension. Enough, at least, to start walking back to the house. With a towel in hand, you started scrubbing the dirt off your ring. The last thing you wanted was Lorraine to see you had dirtied it all up.

“Your wife is making cookies,” Huck said when you stepped onto the porch. “Something about you havin’ a sweet tooth?”

“Legally she’s yours,” you said with a raised brow that intimidated no one. “And I don’t have a sweet tooth, that’s Tack.”

“Can’t be, he’s out at the barn with Beau,” he said.

He held out a beer, nice and cold, and you took it with a mumbled “thanks.” His lazy ass was in the same spot it had been all day; on the rocking chair beside Hank’s little dog bed. The moment he had seen Hank, you knew it was love. If it had been up to him, the dog would’ve been sleeping in the bed with him and Beau every night.

Beau shut that down real quick.

“Beau and I got competition in two weeks,” Huck said as you quickly sat down on the porch in front of him. “Think we can harvest in time?”

You took a swig of your beer and pulled out the pack of cigarettes from your shirt pocket.

“Probably not,” you said before inhaling the smoke. “But Greenback’s arrest last week means he owes me.” A slow exhale. “We’ll get it done while you’re gone.”

“I think Hippie wanted to travel with us,” he continued. “Said he was curious.”

“He’s been curious for years,” you chuckled. “At least he’s finally askin’ instead of mopin’ while y’all are gone.”

“Be nice to him,” he said. “At least he likes hangin’ around.”

“Course he likes hangin’ around, the four of us do everything for ‘em,” you teased.

Huck laughed, and you couldn’t help but smile with him. “Ain’t that the truth. Where would they be without us?”

“Gettin’ arrested,” Beau said, appearing beside you. Tack was nowhere to be seen.

“Speak of the devil,” Huck mumbled.

“You only show up when we’re gossipin’,” you claimed.

“I heard your wife’s makin’ cookies,” he said. You smiled to yourself and took another drag of your cigarette as Beau fell gracefully into Huck’s lap. You also ignored the sound of him kissing him.

“Know how you only call Beau my husband when he’s in trouble?” You asked, turning back to look at the both of them. “You do the same with Lorraine, so what’d she do now?”

“We just think you should be the one to test her cookies first,” Beau said.

“Make sure she don’t poison any of us, again” Huck continued.

“Y’all better hush before she hears,” you whispered as you reached out to slap one of the four legs that you could reach. You didn’t know who it belonged to, and you didn’t really care.

“Her cobbler the other day poisoned Roy,” Beau claimed. “Said so himself.”

“Roy don’t even like peaches,” you said, “so he’s full of shit.”

“He said he- oh hey, Rainey.”

Beau changed his tune quickly when Lorraine walked out onto the porch. Judging by the look on her face, she had heard the gossip. Damn her and her good hearing. You certainly didn’t have it, you would have been ignorant to everything if it had happened outside the door. And that was just fine by you.

“Jane helped with the cookies,” she defended, “so no one is gettin’ poisoned.”

“Told you it was fine,” you called back to them.

Lorraine sat down beside you and pulled you into a quick kiss. You didn’t think you would ever get used to the feeling. Every time she even looked at you, your stomach twisted and turned into knots in the best way. Let her ring be in sight? Oh god, it drives you crazy. She was your wife. And everyone knew it.

“You goin’ to work tonight?” She asked.

“Nah,” you shook your head. “I’m free till tomorrow night. Why?”

“Max and the crew are comin’ by later,” Lorraine said as she rested her head on your shoulder. “Wanted to make sure we’d be home.”

“Course we will be,” you said as you pressed another kiss to the top of her head. “There’s nowhere better.”

The four of you sat on the porch and continued to look out at the home you had all built. A full barn, trailers, and bales of hay waiting to be moved. Across the way were the fields full of more crops than you could reasonably harvest, but that was alright. You would just prepare better for next year. Out to the left was a field you had claimed as your own. It housed the crosses for all the patients you met at the hospital. In the very front was Eric’s. You kept some Lucky Strikes and a pack of baseball cards by it.

Never in your wildest dreams had you ever imagined you would have everyone together and actually living the lives you had all hoped for. To think, it had all started off messy. Now, you all had lives, and hopes and dreams that you didn’t fear would be squashed just for existing. You could love. You could be loved. Out there in the East coast where your dreams had always led you.

With Lorraine’s fingers intertwined with your own, you exhaled another cloud of smoke and looked out.

There was something relaxing about spending a day outdoors on your and your loved ones’ farm.

#lorraine day x reader #lorraine x reader #lorraine day #jenna ortega x reader #jenna ortega

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vanteguccir · 11 months ago

Text

── ୨୧ !　𝗠𝗘𝗗𝗜𝗨𝗠 𝗚𝗜𝗥𝗟

　　　　　　　　　𝒎𝒂𝒕𝒕 𝒔𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒐𝒍𝒐 x reader

SUMMARY: Where Y/N is a medium and Matt's girlfriend. She is invited to participate in the collab between Sam & Colby and the Sturniolo Triplets but ends up being targeted by ghosts all night.

WARNING: Paranormal, supernatural, ghosts, mediumship.

REQUESTED?: No.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: That is my work, I DON'T authorize any plagiarism! | English isn't my first language, so I'm sorry if there's any grammar error.

A/N²: Another version of this same "universe" that I wrote.

　　　༻✦༺ 　༻✧༺　༻✦༺

"Guys, today we have some very special guests. You literally spent months asking us to do a collaboration with them." Colby said as he walked through the Driskill Hotel Hall with Sam at his side holding the camera. "The Sturniolo Triplets and Y/N!" The brunette finished, pointing to the four mentioned while the camera lens focused on them.

The duo had just finished their initial presentation of the channel and the place where they were, happy to finally do something that their fans had asked for so much.

"Are you guys excited?" Colby asked, clasping his hands in front of his chest as he looked at them with excitement on his features.

"Super excited." The triplets responded at the same time, smiling broadly.

"Very!" Y/N responded from beside Matt, her left hand rested on the brunette's covered back while Matt's right arm wrapped around her shoulder.

"Are you guys scared, nervous, or just excited?" Colby asked again, looking briefly at the camera.

"I'm scared." Chris responded quickly, his hands resting on his waist.

"I'm terrified." Nick admitted without reservation, receiving laughter from everyone there.

"I'm super excited, a little nervous, but super excited." Y/N spoke, nodding as a smile spread across her face.

"We wanted to ask this to you specifically. You're a medium, right?" Sam asked from behind the camera, adjusting it in his hands so that the lens caught the four of them and Colby, but with the focus on Y/N.

"Yes I am." The girl nodded.

"She's Lorraine Warren herself." Nick interrupted, pointing briefly at Y/N with his left hand.

"It's not that big of a deal, Nick." She rolled her eyes, not holding back her smile when she saw the boys laughing at the oldest of the triplets' joke.

"But you're good, right? We watched some videos and podcasts of the triplets, and they commented a few times in them about you being a medium." Colby took the lead, looking at her carefully, hoping she could help them with the investigation of that video.

"She is great." Matt spoke before Y/N could open her mouth, carrying a big smile on his face and a proud look in his eyes.

"I don't consider myself great." The girl rolled her eyes at her boyfriend's comment, feeling her cheeks heat up. "I've always had this 'power'." She made the quotation mark gesture with her hands. "I can see, hear, and feel. I remember that when I was a child, I didn't understand anything, and I was scared to death, especially because people said that only I could do those things, I felt crazy. Until my mother took me to my grandmother when I was 9 years old, and they explained it to me together. My grandmother was a great medium, and apparently, that passed on to me." She explained briefly.

"So you can do all three? And you have control over them?" Sam asked from behind the camera again.

"It depends on what the spirit or demon wants. I can feel anything, both energy and proximity. As for hearing or seeing, it depends on whether the spirit wants me to see or hear them. But when they want, I do all three perfectly, everything becomes very clear to me, as if they were really there in the flesh." Y/N explained, receiving nods from Nick and Chris, who were next to her paying attention to her words, even though they already knew that.

"And how do you react to that? You live together, right?" Colby turned to the brothers, bringing their attention to them.

"Yes, we always knew that Y/N was a medium since we all grew up together in Boston. When we moved in together after moving to LA, we not only knew, but we started living it." Nick began explaining, his eyes going from his brothers to Sam and Colby.

"Yes, she never went into much detail about what she saw or heard because we were always a little scared-"

"You're all pussy's." Y/N cut Chris off, releasing the sentence with a smirk on her face. Colby laughed loudly, shaking his head.

"Thank you, my love." Matt scoffed, getting a "your welcome" in return.

"It has become normal for us to be talking to her, and out of nowhere, she looks at a specific point that, for us, has nothing. Or she stops paying attention to what we are saying to listen to something that someone from beyond is saying." Chris continued after rolling his eyes at his sister-in-law, already used to her jokes.

"Yes, it's scary. Sometimes, she wakes up in the middle of the night and stares into space, sitting on top of our bed. I just pull the blanket over my head and pretend I'm not seeing it happening." Y/N slapped Matt's arm after his comment, muttering a "best boyfriend ever".

"Do you think you'll be able to capture the movements here well?" Colby turned to her, looking at her with a curious look.

"I hope so. I'm hopeful that they will be open to me and show me what I need to know." Y/N nodded, breaking into a smile.

Matt moved his right hand down to Y/N's left, intertwining their fingers and caressing his girlfriend's soft skin with his thumb, knowing how much she was looking forward to the video and wanting to feel helpful, even if she didn't need to be a super medium for this.

　　　　　༻﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡༺

The six were now standing near the staircase where Samantha had apparently died after chasing a ball and tripping, rolling down the stairs.

Sam was standing on the second step while Matt and Chris were on the left side of the staircase, Matt leaning on the handrail, and Nick on the right side as they listened to the blonde's explanation.

Y/N was a little further away, Sam's voice was muffled to her while her ears picked up indecipherable whispers from all sides, as if many people were trying to ask for help, explain what happened at the hotel and sending hateful comments at the same time.

Matt's presence approaching her broke her from her trance, making her look up at him, seeing his worried expression.

"Is everything okay, baby?" He asked in a low voice, not wanting to attract the attention of the others.

"Yeah, I'm just trying to get a feel of the environment." Y/N responded in the same tone of voice, smiling softly, trying to calm her boyfriend and herself.

She was already used to seeing and hearing spirits since she had done it all her life, but this experience was different from any other she had ever had.

Nick looked at her momentarily, asking her if she was okay with just a move of his lips, receiving a nod in return.

Y/N decided to get closer to the others so she could focus on their main mission there, receiving answers from the spirits through the lanterns.

"Samantha, are you the only one up here on the stairs?" Matt asked after the boys asked several questions, his right hand holding Y/N's, trying to convey comfort.

"No." Y/N replied seconds before the red flashlight turned on, receiving looks from the five on her.

"Do you see any other ghosts up here?" Sam asked, watching Y/N's reactions carefully.

"Yes, I can't see them all clearly. Many are blurred, but I can see at least three up here, besides Samantha." The girl explained, briefly pointing to the spots where she saw the three aforementioned ghosts before turning her attention to the boys.

"Can you see Samantha?" Chris asked, raising his eyebrows, his blue eyes wide in curiosity.

"No, she doesn't want me to see her. But I feel her... Here." Y/N counted, closing her eyes briefly before pointing to a specific spot between Colby and Nick.

Nick looked at the indicated spot, moving away and going to Matt and Chris' side, feeling shivers run up his spine. Colby focused the camera on there, as if waiting for something to reveal itself to the lens.

Matt looked up at his girlfriend, watching her carefully, trying to make sure she was okay.

　　　　　༻﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡༺

The six were now on the mezzanine, ready to stand in front of old mirrors, which were very expensive, while they tried to call for spirits through them, specifically for Carlota.

"Hey Carlota, we have five men here, but only four are single, and one of them is off limits." Matt began, looking around briefly as his right arm held Y/N close to him by her waist, not wanting to lose sight of her in the dark of the room.

Colby and Chris began to say pick-up lines into the air as they looked around blindly, causing Y/N to laugh. She couldn't believe they were actually doing that.

The scent of roses intensified around the group, making the girl divert her attention from the boys and also look around, looking for a source of the smell.

An intense tug on her hair made her take a step back, her hands flying to the spot as if she was trying to feel someone there, turning around abruptly.

"What was that?" Colby asked, stopping in the middle of one of his nonsensical pick-up lines.

"Someone pulled my hair." Y/N responded quickly, keeping her gaze firmly on the space where she felt a presence.

Matt turned to look at where his girlfriend was looking, keeping his hand in contact with her body, wanting to make sure she was still there.

"Are you sure that-" Chris began, stopping mid-sentence when he saw Y/N stumble forward, causing Matt's hand to lose contact with her body.

"Why don't you appear in front of me instead of pushing me around, Carlota?" Y/N spoke out loudly, her tone angry while her eyes rolled across the room, feeling several presences and trying to look for Carlota among them.

"Wow, calm down, baby." Matt asked, moving closer and touching her shoulder, only to have Y/N pushed to the side again.

It was obvious that that spirit, Carlota, if Y/N's intuition was right, didn't like the girl there for some reason. This was made clearer by the fact that she only pushed Y/N but didn't even touch the others.

"Are you sure it's Carlota?" Sam asked from behind the camera, zooming in on the lens and moving it so the camera captured the entire place.

"I can't see her, but I feel her presence. And it would make sense. She likes to be pampered and praised by men, having another woman in the same room as her might offend her." The girl explained.

"Or make her feel threatened." Nick added, receiving a nod from Y/N, who was still looking at specific points in the room.

"Get out." A whisper echoed directly against the girl's right ear, making her turn around abruptly, seeing only the female silhouette for a few seconds, before it disappeared like smoke.

Matt approached Y/N quickly as he saw her begin to show her nervousness, wrapping his arm around her waist firmly again, marking his territory and taking on a serious expression, looking around as if confronting whatever was there.

“You are not allowed to touch Y/N.” Matt stated, his voice echoing in a serious tone, tightening his grip on the curve of his girlfriend's waist.

The six stood in silence for a few minutes, waiting for something to happen again, but nothing happened.

"Matt took a firm stance, which probably proved to Carlota, or whoever was doing it, that they shouldn't touch Y/N." Colby explained to the camera. "If it worked so quickly, it probably means you have an aura similar to mine." He turned to Matt, who looked back at him with a confused look, not understanding what that meant.

"It is said that the spirits are afraid of Colby because he has a very "firm" aura, which scares them and makes them obey him." Sam explained, lowering the camera a little so he could get a better look at the couple.

"That explains why the manifestations at home lessen when Matt is around me." Y/N contemplated, bringing her right hand to Matt's left on her waist, stroking the area lightly in gratitude.

Colby resumed his explanation of what they would do in the room after noticing that nothing else would happen to Y/N, focusing his attention on the camera lens.

Matt brought his face closer to the top of his girlfriend's head, sealing his lips in the area for a few seconds, before moving away and exhaling the smell of shampoo and perfume that Y/N exuded, calming himself down.

"You guys are so cheesy." Nick interrupted their moment with a smile on his face, getting closer to feel some sense of comfort.

Y/N just laughed as she rolled her eyes, resting her head on her boyfriend's covered chest, feeling grateful to have him there to protect her.

　　　　　༻﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡༺

"Do you want to do it yourself?" Sam asked Matt.

Matt and Sam had just gotten out of the elevator after doing the ritual, which brought no results. The boys that stayed behind were surprised, saying that the ritual lasted just a few minutes, less than they expected.

Y/N was next to Nick, looking carefully inside the elevator as if expecting something to appear there, but there weren't even any traces of ghosts, which left her confused.

Matt looked at Sam for a few seconds after his question, shrugging as if to say, "I'm already here, why not?"

"Babe, can I come with you?" The girl's voice sounded among the group, making everyone look at her briefly.

Matt nodded quickly, feeling relief fill his heart, knowing that he wouldn't have to do it alone anymore. He raised his left hand in the air, waiting for his girlfriend to take it, intertwining their fingers tightly.

"What if you never come back?" Nick began, making Y/N roll her eyes.

"I promise I'll bring him back intact." The girl interrupted the drama. "I'm Lorraine Warren, remember? I'm going to protect my Ed Warren." She added, making everyone laugh.

"Send me the numbers." The brunette asked, looking at Sam as he fished his phone out of his jeans pocket.

The couple entered the elevator, Matt holding the camera in one hand and his phone in the other.

"Don't forget to say "take me to another world"." Sam remembered before the doors closed, the two of them repeating the words being the last thing he heard.

"Okay, let's do this." Matt unlocked his phone screen, opening the messaging app and clicking on Sam's chat, seeing the texts with the numbers.

Y/N read over her boyfriend's shoulder before leaning over and clicking the button for the first floor, taking a deep breath.

"Are you okay, baby?" Matt asked in a low voice, arranging the camera in his hands so that the lens framed the two of them before turning his head to look at her.

"Yeah, just nervous." Y/N began, turning to face her boyfriend while putting on a nervous smile, cracking her fingers in an act of anxiety. "It's just been too much, I've never felt so many presences at the same time."

"I know, baby. I'm here-"

Matt stopped mid-sentence when the elevator door opened, the two of them turning to the it quickly, their eyes traveling down the hallway, scanning the place.

A sigh escaped Matt's lips when nothing happened, his hands relaxing and the camera moving slightly as he leaned in to click the next button.

He reread the texts sent by Sam before putting away his phone, taking his free hand to Y/N's shoulders and pulling her close, the warmth of her body calming him.

"You're brave today. I like this new Matt." The girl commented a few seconds later, looking up, her eyes meeting the blue ones she loved so much. Matt smirked, lowering himself momentarily, sealing his lips over Y/N's forehead.

The two remained in that position, their heartbeats accelerating each time the elevator doors opened again, before they relaxed when nothing happened.

Until the fifth floor, where supposedly a "lady" should enter the elevator. Y/N stood still when the doors opened, the hair on her arms stood up and her heart seemed to freeze for a few seconds before speeding up, feeling like her entire body trembled with each beat.

"Matt." Her voice sounded broken and weak. "She... She's right there." Y/N muttered, raising her right arm and pointing out of the elevator. Her gaze seemed to be glazed over.

Matt swallowed hard, tightening his hand around his girlfriend, wanting to make sure she didn't leave his side. He arranged the camera so that the lens was focused outside, although neither he nor the camera were capturing anything.

"She's not coming in. Something seems to be stopping her. But she's so angry." The girl said, her voice full of emotions, looking like she was about to cry.

"Alright, that's enough. Let's go back." Matt interrupted, leaning in and clicking the button to go down, placing himself in front of his girl, with the intention of protecting her or taking her attention away from the figure.

The elevator began to slowly close, the doors appearing to be held by something.

When it finally did, Matt turned to Y/N, lowering the camera momentarily and focusing all of his attention on her.

"Baby, are you with me? Are you back?" The boy asked in a low, soft voice, afraid of scaring her even more. His blue eyes looked into his girlfriend's, hoping to see them come into focus again.

Y/N blinked repeatedly before finally looking at Matt.

"Yes, I-I'm sorry." She asked, her voice coming out weak. She closed her lips in a thin line, trying to hold back the post-adrenaline crying.

"Hey, don't apologize, you didn't do anything wrong. Are you okay, baby? I just need to know this." The brunette was worried, he felt his heart tighten at his girl's features, and if he could, he would pass on everything she saw and felt to himself, just to spare her from all that.

"Now I am. I promise." The girl responded, nodding her head and offering him a small smile.

The sound of the elevator doors opening interrupted them, making Matt turn his back to Y/N and face the boys waiting for them, Colby already with his camera in hand and the lens focusing on the inside of the place.

"Wow, don't tell me you guys were- Wait, is everything okay?" Nick started the joke, believing that they would be kissing due to their position, but stopping in the middle of it when he noticed the expressions on Y/N's face.

"Y/N saw the "lady" who was supposed to enter the elevator on the fifth floor." Matt said, taking his girl's hand and guiding her out of it carefully.

"What?"

　　　　　༻﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡༺

The group was now in room 525, ready to do the Estes Method.

Y/N was sitting on the edge of the bed, next to Matt, and facing the chair where the other two brothers would do the method. She had a soft smile on her face as she saw her boyfriend and brothers spouting barbs, creating a pleasant atmosphere, before Nick and Chris got under.

The girl kept her eyes glued to the duo, refusing to look around her despite hearing whispers. The words that Nick and Chris repeated, she could hear seconds before, sometimes even phrases, but she didn't want to pay attention to the ghosts there. Y/N wanted to know what they wanted them to know, and she would only get it if she heard what Chris and Nick heard.

The words came disconnected and fast. It seemed like the two were in an argument, often even complementing each other's phrases.

"Y/N." Nick spoke suddenly, his nose wrinkling under the red blindfold as if trying to understand where that came from, or hear better what it meant.

Matt quickly brought his right hand to Y/N's left thigh, maintaining direct contact with her as he kept his eyes fixed on Nick, a serious expression on his face.

"Unwelcome here." Chris spoke next.

Colby felt his fingers on the camera shake slightly. He knew well what was happening here, having already been through the same situation with Sam and their psychic friend, Amanda. He looked at Y/N with a worried expression, followed by Sam, who went over and sat on the bed next to the girl.

Matt pressed his fingers over his girlfriend's covered skin, taking a deep breath. He couldn't believe this was really happening.

"Yeah, it seems like the ghosts hate me." Y/N spoke with a nervous smile, letting out a low laugh, trying to calm the tense atmosphere that had settled.

She finally looked up and around the room, easily finding the ghost who had said that.

The "lady" from the elevator was next to Chris, staring at her with the same anger as before, showing her hatred for the girl's presence there. It was obvious that she didn't want Y/N in her hotel, but no one there understood why.

"Out."

"Her."

"Now."

"What the hell?" Y/N exclaimed milliseconds after Chris said the last word, turning around abruptly when she felt something grab her arm and let go seconds later, but curiously, her eyes didn't catch anything.

"Okay, I think that's good for now." Sam said after seeing her reaction, getting up from the bed and touching Nick and Chris, making them take off their headphones and blindfolds.

"Apparently, I'm unwelcome here." Y/N was the first to speak after getting the attention of the other two brothers. "Something just touched me, I swear."

"I just don't understand. Why would they try to attack Y/N? It doesn't make sense." Matt asked, turning to Colby in hopes of him having an answer, as he moved closer to Y/N on the mattress, trying to give her some reassurance.

"I don't know, sometimes spirits just choose one person to terrorize or attach to, and only they know why. Sam went through something similar once." Colby explained, pointing briefly at the blonde, who nodded.

The girl sighed, it's obvious that they would choose her, after all she could see and hear them. She looked around the room again, drowning out the sound of the boys' voices. Her attention was drawn to the bathroom, which had its door opened by Matt earlier.

She felt a presence there. It certainly wasn't evil, and it seemed to be calling for her, as if it needed her to come in there.

"Guys, why don't we try again, but in the bathroom?" Y/N interrupted Nick's sentence - without even knowing what he was saying -, turning to the boys with a firm look.

"Baby, are you sure? I think we're past your limit." Matt asked, uncertainty settling into his gaze as his blue eyes ran over his girlfriend's features, as if searching for any sign of fear there, but finding nothing but firmness.

"I'm sure, I feel like there's something there that needs to talk to us."

Minutes later the six had organized themselves in the small bathroom; Colby was standing in the bathtub while Matt sat on the edge of it, Nick was sitting on the closed toilet and Chris was leaning on the sink, both looking at his brother. Sam was standing in the doorway, still with the camera in hand, while Y/N was sitting on the floor, between Matt's legs and looking up, her eyes focused on her boyfriend's blindfold covered face.

Y/N had her right hand on Matt's thigh, caressing the skin carefully, trying to reduce the boy's anxiety and nervousness, knowing that despite him trying to be thought, he was afraid of what might happen, or if he would even be able to hear anything.

"A very deep breath." Matt spoke for the first time after going under, his voice coming out loud before mimicking the breath he heard.

Y/N frowned, looking around but seeing nothing. Seconds later, she felt goosebumps run down her arm and a wind on her right side, as if something had passed there and settled next to Matt.

"Love." Matt got the first word out.

"Is that why you're here? Because you love the hotel?" Sam asked from behind the camera.

"Couple."

"Are there any couples here with us?" Colby asked, pinching his lips with his fingers as he tried to think of possibilities, but there was no response from the boy.

“Are you referring to Y/N and Matt?” Chris asked suddenly, causing Y/N to look at him quickly, her eyes wide.

"Beautiful."

"Do you think they're both beautiful together?" Nick asked this time, resting his left foot lightly against Y/N's thigh, trying to keep her calm.

"Angry."

"Are you angry because they are a beautiful couple?" Sam asked, his brow furrowed in confusion.

"Room."

"Wait, that makes sense. There was a woman in the room while Nick and Chris were doing the Estes Method, it was the same lady from the elevator, and she was very angry about something, just like she was when I saw her in the actual elevator." Y/N explained, lifting her head and briefly looking at Colby, who carried a concentrated look. "She was staring at me with hatred, as if I had done the worst thing in the world."

"Angry."

"Wow, that's the fourth time tonight that the same word has been repeated." Colby murmured, his eyes wide.

"Is the woman in the room mad that Matt and I are a couple?" Y/N asked with uncertainty in her voice. She didn't understand why a many years old ghost would be angry at their relationship.

"Envy."

At that moment, Y/N felt a new presence in the bathroom, as if something had left the room and entered there, it being filled with hatred. The girl looked up and saw the same woman, this time closer, looking at her with the same look as before, but for some reason she didn't try to touch Y/N, or she couldn't.

"She's-" Y/N's sentence was cut off by Matt, who repeated words again.

"Touch. Hurt. Y/N." Matt spoke the words without pause, his hands flying to the headphones and quickly taking it off, followed by the blindfold. "No, you can't touch her. She's not yours." Matt growled angrily, standing up and pulling Y/N by her arms, making her stand beside him, before pulling her tightly to his side and wrapping his arm protectively around her shoulder. "You're not allowed to touch any of us, especially her." The boy finished, his blue eyes traveled around the bathroom, as if he was trying to find where the entity was.

"What the fuck dude?" Sam quickly lowered the camera, looking at everyone there in shock.

Chris and Nick took a rigid stance, as if they were ready to help their brother if necessary, despite there being nothing they could do against a ghost.

“Are you okay, Y/N?” Nick turned, looking at her with careful eyes, trying to read the girl's expressions.

"Yeah, she didn't actually touch me, but it was intense... I'm just scared. At least she's not here anymore." Y/N sighed, leaning into Matt, who patted her shoulder affectionately.

"That was crazy man. I didn't think the night would turn into this." Colby muttered, stepping out of the tub.

"It's okay, it's over now." Matt whispered in Y/N's ear, embracing her into his arms. She took a deep breath, breathing Matt's scent in, calming her nerves down.

The ghosts really hated her.

982 notes · View notes

ajortga · 8 months ago

Text

the 1900s

pairing: lorraine day x reader (implied fem?)

summary: with safe-kept memories from your past with your sunshine-like lorraine, more memories with your new family are unraveling for your future. (time is more in the past)

word count: 1.4k+

based off request! (thank you for the support anons!)

hi! i love your writings, they're so good! i just hope that you can write something cute about pregnant lorraine and reader chilling in their farmhouse with their children, please? thank you 💛

“Melly, look at the camera baby!” Lorraine’s sweet, baby-voice echoes. Your doe-eyed daughter, who’s hair is currently in braids that your wife did when she had the shortest length of hair, coos and runs up to the both of you, her hands flaring to the air.

Melly’s hands make grabby arms and you pick her up and spin her around as she giggles. You curl up to Lorraine and nuzzle her neck as she plays with your daughter's hair. She puts a small strawberry hat she knitted on her tiny head, making Melly babble and erupt in laughter.

Her eyes look up at you, blinking as her little hands come up and nestles her fingertips into your smooth hair. You do the same for Lorraine, pressing your lips to the side of her head as you fondle with her dark, wavy hair. You make a small squeal when Melly tugs on your hair, not enough to hurt, "Stop that!" Melly giggles more and plops her head onto your shoulder, "Hair."

“You are so cute! Your eyes are so pretty!” She fusses, lending the camera to you as you carefully hand Melly to her, cautious of Lorraine’s belly that is currently bloating that carries your soon to be child. You rub the bump that's forming, leaning down and letting your hands rub shapes under her yellow sundress. The freckled brunette gives you a warm smile, in which you let her kiss your forehead as she speaks, “She has your eyes, you know? That’s why I love her even more.”

“Well, she has your cheeks, I can squish them all day!” You giggle, pinching Melly’s cheeks lightly and squishing Lorraine’s.

Your wife squeals at you, and you pick up an incoming Theodore that is now racing towards you with his cow stuffed animal. His dark brunette hair is ruffled, in which Lorraine rubs it to smooth it out.

“Hi Teddy!” You say, recording him as he looks up at the camera with his overalls and a farmer hat you secretly stole from Mr. Days' most prized stuffed animal collection. He shows his cow stuffed animal to the camera, like a trophy and plunks on the haystack, his eyes noticing the tractor push-car placed next to him. He crawls off the stack and tries to crawl into the mini, self-drive tractor. It makes you and Lorraine giggle.

Your camcorder gets placed down on one of the stables, where it can capture everything. Then you pick up Theo and spin him in your arms, making him squeal happily. You bounce him up and down in your arms before placing him into the tractor and watching him click all the random buttons. He places his cow, which he’s recently called Sam, in the passenger seat. Then he puts his hat on him.

“Car,” Theodore’s tiny voice states, making him around to you. His eyes are questioning.

“Yes tiny, that’s a car.”

His tiny toes step on the pedal and the tiny tractor slowly begins to drive to you, making small ‘vroom’ noises as his tractor goes in circles in time with his wheel spinning.

“Baby, I think Theo would be a race-car driver one day.”

“I think he’d be a great race-car driver,” you say, about to talk about all the cool things he would do, until Theodore’s tractor bumps into Lorraine’s knee.

“Ouch!” She gasps, playfully. The small boy giggles his heart out, so much you can see his brunette hair going up and down.

“Excuse you, young man. You cannot try to crash into a pretty girl’s knee that is currently going to grant you another sibling!”

He backs up and this time charges to your knee, bumping into it.

“Hey! That hurts!” You shout, Theodore is giggling again, his cheeks are flaring red and you and Lorraine can’t help but giggle. “I hope he doesn’t do that in class.”

Lorraine shakes her head, placing Melly next to Theo as she puts his stuffed animal back into Theo’s lap, watching them go.

She looks at you, as if you were the sweetest person to ever exist. “My daughter and son look even more beautiful because of you.” You flush pink, the smile that forms on your face can’t be stopped, “I think they’re only beautiful because of you ‘Raine.”

Her finger places over your lips, before kissing them and looking into your eyes. Your head rests on your shoulder as you look up at her with those puppy eyes she’s been melting in since she first met you years ago, “Well they’re our children, the cute girls and boys we always pointed to when they passed by our house to try out our cookies. The children that we’ve always talked about having. They’re ours Y/N. I can’t imagine it, or being happy with anyone that isn’t you.”

You nuzzle her chest, inhaling her sweet, musky, citrus scent, “I’ll never be happy with anyone else that isn’t my sweet Lorraine.”

The both of you smile, before watching your children drive around the barn.

“Cow!” Theodore states as he brings his cow stuffy up to show it the cow in front of him. His name was Mabel.

A little while later you and Lorraine are asleep on each other with your backs laid against the barn. Theodore and Melly are feeding your netherland dwarfs and holland lops strawberries. Both your eyes flutter as you hear your sweet girl’s giggle, peeking out of the barn door. Your bunnies are licking their hands. And even after they bite into the strawberry, Melly eats the rest, making a small, ‘mmm’ noise.

“Wait, where did she get those strawberries?”

“The door where the sink is closed!”

“She’s eating the strawberries we grew without washing them!”

Before Melly can eat another one you two shriek, “Wash those strawberries!”

The four of you, well five, if you include your 3 and a half month golden retriever, (Pickle) are back at the farm house. The chilly breeze of the air conditioning cools you two down as you make Lorraine, Melly, and Theodore milkshakes. You cut some strawberries and mash them into a sauce, before adding some sugar and condensed milk. Then you blend them up with some milk and vanilla ice cream.

“Milky.. Shake!” Melly and Theodore say happily as all of you drink your milkshakes at the table. You steal a small sip from Lorraine’s strawberry one as she takes a sip from your vanilla one. She presses your lips on yours quickly, a light peck. You look back at the brunette girl and kiss her again.

“Ewww..” Theodore says, looking away from the romantic and cute sight that was in front of his eyes. Melly covers her face and makes a fake gagging noise, “Icky.” Theodore hugs Melly and she hugs him back, they’re both hiding away from you two.

“Awhh,” you both coo, watching them peek at you, Theodore peeks at you from the crevice of Melly, checking if you two are done.

Lorraine laughs in your ear as you hide in her neck and rub her belly, “When they’re older we’ll be teasing them and gagging when they have someone to bring home.”

“You’re sure right baby.”

You both are silent for a moment, taking a moment to appreciate everything around you, and what memories are yet to be created in the comfort of your home. There are pictures of your children’s footprints, the four of you as a family, Melly hugging Pickle when he was a baby, and Theo hugging Melly. Your eyes linger on a picture with them having spaghetti sauce all over their face and flour on the floor, like they’ve been caught committing a crime.

“That’s my favorite photo,” you say, looking up at it and grinning.

“That’s mine,” Lorraine points at the one when you four went to the pool for the first time, both your babies floating on the water with safety lifeguards on.

Then your eyes meet a polaroid photo that you two took years ago, maybe even more over a decade. It feels so long ago, yet you remember it like it was yesterday. Your heart aches knowing that time has passed by so quickly with your sweet ‘Raine. Lorraine smiles seeing the way you’re smiling.

You still had braces in and that stupid, silly smile. It was the photo of when Mabel, the cow that is still mooing today, was still a calf. Lorraine was wearing overalls and toothily smiling at the camera while you had ice cream in your hand. It was after the carnival you two went to freshman year high school. You remember Mr. Day had taken you both when celebrating your good grades. You two looked so young, yet it didn’t even look like you aged either way. You two were still the same old Y/N and Lorraine.

The both of you lean into each other, “No, that’s my favorite photo,” you both whisper. The polaroid photo that wrote, 1997.

“I love you Y/N," her voice says, smooth like vanilla. You smile, curl yourself more into her.

“I love you more ‘Raine.”

#lorraine day x reader #lorraine day #jenna ortega x fem!reader #jenna ortega x you #jenna ortega x reader #jenna ortega imagine #tara carpenter x you #vada cavell x y/n #jenna ortega x y/n #tara carpenter x reader #vada cavell x reader

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komsomolka · 5 days ago

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It is necessary to note that these weaknesses of Engels' article are not only of "historical value." They have, or can have, a most serious practical importance. Truly, if imperialist struggle for colonies and spheres of influence is lost sight of, as a factor in the approaching world war; if the imperialist contradictions between England and Germany are forgotten; if the annexation of Alsace-Lorraine by Germany is withdrawn from the foreground as a war factor in favour of Russian Tsardom's striving towards Constantinople, considered as the more serious and determining factor; if, finally, Russian Tsardom represents the last rampart of all European reaction, - then, is it not clear that a war, let us say, of bourgeois Germany against Tsarist Russia is not an imperialist war, not a robber war, not an anti-popular war, but a war of liberation, or almost of liberation? One can hardly doubt that this way of thinking facilitated the sin of the German Social-Democrats on August 4th, 1914, when they decided to vote for war credits, and proclaimed the slogan of defence of the bourgeois Fatherland against Tsarist Russia and against "Russian barbarism" and so on.

It is characteristic that, in his letters to Bebel written in 1891, a year after the publication of this article, when he deals with the prospects of the coming war, Engels says directly that "the victory of Germany is, therefore, the victory of the revolution", and that "if Russia starts a war, then - forward against the Russians and their allies, whoever they may be!" It is obvious that such a way of thinking allows no place for revolutionary war into civil war. [...]

Evidently Engels, alarmed by the Franco-Russian alliance which was then (1801-91) being formed, with its edge directed against the Austro-German coalition set himself the task of attacking Russia's foreign policy in this article, so as to deprive it of all credit in the eyes of European public opinion, and especially British public opinion; but in carrying out this task, he lost sight of a number of other very important and even determining factors, with the result that he fell into the one-sidedness which we have revealed.

I.V. Stalin, On an Article by Engels (Written as a letter to members of the political bureau of the C.P.S.U. on July 19, 1934).

#posted quotes

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childrenofcain-if · 20 days ago

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On a scale of 1 - 10 how motherly are Louise and Elias' new partner's hugs?

I was just picturing Louise thanking MC for their Christmas gift so they hug MC and they freeze up because it's a mother's hug, regardless of the child it's being given to.

Safe to say they sit back down by C's side with clenched hands and trying to not to let the waterworks happen.

Not to say Elias' new partner doesn't give good hugs, but given what C has went through and Louise keeping them safe and away from their father I figured that might tip the scales in their favor...

you’re pretty much right on all accounts. louise’s hugs would be a solid 9/10 because, even tho MC isn’t her child, she has spent most of her motherhood trying to protect her children and would want nothing more than to share that love with C’s partner.

her hugs are tender but firm, as though she’s trying to protect MC from every cruel thing the world has to offer in that single embrace. when louise hugs them, it’s not just a gesture—it’s a statement: you are safe here. you are loved.

while lorraine’s hugs are good, warm, and genuine, they don’t carry the same depth of experience as louise’s. i’ll place it around 7/10, but this will change as your relationship with her changes.

lorraine’s warmth comes from a place of friendliness and care, but it doesn’t have the weight of sacrifice and fierce protectiveness behind it like louise since both she and her kid have a pretty good relationship with her ex-husband.

she never had to sacrifice her career to divorce her ex, never had to live with the horrible realisation of what had been happening in her absence to her oldest kid, never had to drag herself through courts and mockery to try and prosecute alain lacroix with no solid evidence.

lorraine’s hugs does make MC feel appreciated tho, like they’re a person worth knowing and being close to. it’s easy to relax in her arms—she’s careful not to hold too tight because she’s aware of the emotional boundaries she shouldn’t cross.

but she’ll be patient and give them space to get more comfortable at their own pace. despite most stereotypes, lorraine won’t be a stepmonster and she’ll genuinely care for MC.

#i hope this made sense #very good question tho #they’re both mothers but have vastly different experiences with it #if: the ballad of the young gods #interactive fiction #interactive novel #interactive story #twine wip #ro: c lacroix

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absurdthirst · 1 year ago

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Stripped Down Love {Javier Peña x F!Reader}

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 17.8k

Warnings: Age gap (everyone's legal), strip clubs, mentions of knowing someone when they were underage, lap dances, sex work, mentions of prostitution, derogatory language towards strippers, vaginal sex, oral sex (male receiving), unprotected sex, violence, accidental pregnancy

Comments: Javier comes back to Laredo and finds you, the adopted little sister of his ex-fiancée, working in the new strip club in town. Unable to stay away from you, Javi finds himself coming back to see you.

A/N: This story does contain mentions of age gaps and knowing Javier when you were a younger teenager. If this bothers you, please bypass.

Co-written with @storiesofthefandomlovers

**Follow @absurdthirst-writes and turn on notifications to stay up to date on all new fics.

|| MasterList || Javier Peña MasterList ||

Javi rubs his cheek, tired of sitting in his pop’s house. Watching the old man snore as the news plays on the TV. Clinton gave some speech on the drug war and Javi wants to roll his eyes but he simply sighs and checks his watch. That’s it. He can’t sit here anymore. He has to go out. Laredo only has so many bars and Javi is well known in almost all of them. There’s one place he hasn’t ventured yet. It opened during the time he was in Colombia tracking down Cali and now, he’s intrigued. The flashing sign draws him in and after flashing his ID and paying the door fee, he walks inside and takes a seat. His dark eyes follow the girls who walk around in various stages of nudity. “Can I get you a drink, sugar?” One of them asks him and he nods, ordering a whiskey.

“And now it’s time for our next dancer. Please welcome Margarita!” The announcement is loud and several men cheer, making Javi think this girl must be good if the regulars like her. He sips his whiskey as the music begins, eager to let loose and enjoy himself for a while.

The sudden flash of nerves that always attacks when you are announced floods your system but you smother them as the spotlight suddenly turns on, drawing the crowd's attention to where you are poised at the edge of the stage. The music you’ve picked out for this dance immediately starts blasting through the speakers and you focus on the beat as you rush towards the pole in the middle of the stage and jump on it, swinging around as you start your act. You try not to focus on the crowd, not even looking at them right now as you start to move to the beat and perform for them.

Javi’s fingers twitch around the glass. Shit, the girl is gorgeous. No wonder everyone in here cheered. She’s swinging around the pole like it’s second nature and her body arches in a way that reminds him of when he makes a woman cum on his tongue. He licks his lips, imagining just that.

She sways her hips and when she kneels on stage, that’s when Javi gets a good look at her. “Holy shit.” He whispers. He knows you. Lorraine’s kid sister. Well, adopted sister. Her parents kept trying for another kid but couldn’t, put their name on the adoption list and finally adopted you when Lorraine was in college, just before she met Javi.

“Fuck.” He suddenly feels guilty, stomach churning as he continues to stare at you. You’re all grown up now. A fucking gorgeous woman. Men throw money on the stage when you finish your act but Javi continues to stare and that’s when you meet his gaze.

Your eyes widen as you recognize the man you had a crush on when you were a teenager. Older, more rugged, and just as fucking sexy. You fumble to get the dollar bills, shoving them in your bra and you wink at Javi as you stand up and make your way backstage. “Holy shit.” You hiss to yourself, unable to believe he’s here. In the fucking strip club you work at. You have to talk to him. It’s been years and he might not even recognize you but you hope he still likes whiskey as you order one from the bar and carry it over to him. “Long time no see.” You say as you shift to stand in front of him, wearing lingerie that shows way too much skin.

Javi looks up into your eyes, trying to keep them focused on your face and not on the fantastic tits beneath your barely there scraps of lace. “It’s been, what? Twelve years?” He asks, finishing the rest of his whiskey and setting it down on the small table. “Looks like things have changed.” He doesn’t mean it in any negative way, everyone has to make a living and he won’t begrudge you that but he didn’t expect to see you here. He wonders what your sister and parents think of your profession, although he can’t expect it to be good. “How have you been?”

You shrug, shifting to sit down beside him, “I’ve had better times. Worse times too.” You admit with a sigh. “This is for you.” You hand him the whiskey and his eyebrows raise.

“Thanks.” He lifts the glass towards you, “can I get you one?”

You shake your head, “I don’t drink during my shifts. Um, where to begin? I- I started working here to pay for my school. I'm trying to finish college.”

Javier frowns, “didn’t you-?”

You shake your head, “well, I was heading to college after high school but life went to shit. You went to Colombia and Lorraine lost her mind. Went into a spiral and our parents had to pay some big bucks to get her out of trouble and between that and the wedding that didn’t happen…I had to say bye bye to my college fund.” You wave at nothing, “and then I was mad because my future went down the drain because Lorraine pissed it away so I acted out. Got in with the wrong crowd, started treating Carol and George badly and George had enough. He threw me out. No money. Nada. I had to start from scratch at eighteen and so…I ended up here. Trying to get my life back on track after too many years of messing around.” You finish your story and look at Javier, “I heard you were back in town. Didn’t figure you’d end up here.”

“Shit.” Guilt settles in Javi’s gut and swirls around. If he hadn’t run away from the wedding, your life could have been far different. He doesn’t miss that you’ve called your adoptive parents by their names, assuming that you’ve not reconciled. “Yeah,” Javi takes a swallow of his fresh drink and looks back over at you. “Didn’t remember this being here the last time I was home.” He admits, looking around the club.

“It opened about three years ago.” You tell him and Javi nods. They must have been building it when he was here for the week before he went to D.C. to be assigned to catching Cali.

“Do you make good money here?” He asks, pulling out the stack of bills he had brought and peels a hundred dollar bill off to hand to you. It’s probably the least he could do, but it was a start.

You shake your head, pushing his money away. “I don’t want your money. I- I make good money here. Enough for a studio apartment and for me to pay for school. It’s not - George went mad when he found out I was here. Said I was ‘his adopted whore daughter’” You snort, “I always thought I was a good girl. Even now…I don’t - it’s just dancing and I-”

You don’t get to finish your sentence when the club manager comes over. “Are you gonna sit there and chit chat all night, Margarita? Or are you actually gonna make me some money?”

You want to roll your eyes at your boss, “sorry Javi. I gotta get back to work.”

You stand up and your boss notices the way Javi’s eyes follow you, “unless you want a private dance with her?” Your boss suggests, raising his eyebrows at Javier.

Javi doesn’t like the way your boss talks to you, it’s not necessary and he’s had plenty of experience with women in the sex trade. “Yeah.” He nods, rocking his jaw slightly. “A private dance.” He agrees, knowing that it will shut your boss up and allow him to talk to you some more. “How do I get one of those?” He asks you, raising his brows questioningly.

You’re shocked he agrees to a private dance and your boss tells him how much it is, taking the money up front. You bite your lip as Javi peels off some bills from the roll and your boss jerks his chin at you, “go on then.”

You take Javier’s hand, amazing at how big it is and how thick his fingers are. Entering a private room, you turn to the hifi. “You still like Led Zeppelin?” You ask, knowing Javier loved the 70s. Refused to get into hair spray rock during the 80s and said it was shit compared to the greats. “A Whole Lotta Love” starts to play and you walk over to Javier.

“You don’t have to -”

Javier holds his hands up and you shake your head, “they have cameras. If I don’t dance, I don’t get paid. I’ll go easy on you, Peña.” You promise, “tell me about Colombia. What have you been up to?” You ask, straddling his lap.

Javi exhales roughly as your thighs settle over his and it’s almost instinctive to grab them. This is you, the same fucking kid he had met when he was dating Lorraine. It’s wrong to think of you like a woman he wants to fuck. He had known you when you were sixteen and he was already a man. “It was ….rough.” He admits after a moment, swallowing slightly and trying not to fucking let his dick get hard. He loves beautiful women and you are fucking gorgeous all grown up. “Fucking politicians fucking everything up. Too many losses, too much fucking death.” He sighs and shakes his head. “You don’t want to hear about that shit.”

You want to make this worth the money. You want him to see you as a woman and not the mousy little teenager who had a massive crush on her sister’s boyfriend. It was wrong, so wrong, but you thought he was gorgeous and all man. When Lorraine faked the pregnancy and he ditched her at the altar, you hated that you were a little happy about it. You want him to see you as you are now so you grab his knees, arching your back to rock your hips to the music, grinding against him. “I do. Tell me. I know it was rough. I heard…rumors. I heard about you getting sent home before they caught Escobar.” You know it must’ve been a rough time for him, especially that moment. You grab onto his shoulders, shifting higher so your tits are in his face and you grab his hands, putting them on your hips. “It’s normal to touch.” You tell him, knowing your boss will be watching.

“Shit, they shouldn’t be touching you, sweetheart.” Javi hisses, shaking his head at the thought of every man out there putting his filthy hands on you. Not because you were some pure angel, but because you were getting paid to entertain them, not fuck them. They shouldn’t just get to touch your body unless you want them to. He bites his lip, feeling himself start to harden and hating how disgusting that makes him. “Yeah.” He grunts out. “Fucked around with the wrong people, got burned.”

His fingers dig into your waist and your stomach twists. You decide to put your all into this, shifting off of his lap to spin around, bending over so he has an eyeful of your ass before you grab his knees and drop down between his legs, noticing the bulge in his tight jeans. You hate the thrill that runs through you, knowing it’s because you’re dancing and shaking your ass for him. You shift back onto his lap, back pressed against his chest and you grind back onto him. “Shit happens. It’s all par for the course. You did it though. You played your part, they got the bastard. And you got Cali from what I hear.”

“You kept up with my career?” Javi asks with a small smirk. You had probably learned it from the town gossip, Lorraine’s momma and daddy not able to completely smear his name through the mud despite their best efforts. Especially after he had become a ‘hero’, which he absolutely was not. “I got Cali, at the expense of my career. That’s why I’m here. Tired of the bullshit and just wanting a life where no one fucking shoots at me or I’m not chasing drug dealers across rooftops.”

You turn around, straddling him again and wrap your arms around his neck to pull him closer, letting him smell your perfume. You always did that so the assholes would get caught out by their wives but you want Javi to remember how you smelt, how you felt on top of him. “So you came back to boring ol’ Laredo. Apart from your papa, what else is here?” You chuckle, rocking your hips to the beat of the song.

“Family.” Javi chokes slightly, digging his fingers into your hips harshly when you press your hot cunt against his cock. All you are wearing are those tiny fucking panties and he’s imagining you sitting on his dick right now while you moan his name. “Tías y tíos. My cousins.” He closes his eyes for a moment before he looks at you. “Why didn’t you leave? Start over somewhere else?”

You shake your head, biting your lip to smother your smirk that he’s affected by you. It’s clear in his dark gaze. “Couldn’t afford it. I have a piece of shit car and I think it would barely make it a hundred miles out of town. Was easier to stay.” You don’t mention that you always wondered if you’d reconcile with your adopted parents one day. That day hasn’t come yet, you doubt it ever will. “My ex…didn’t want to leave either until I started working here and he couldn’t handle it. Things didn’t end well so he, uh, he left.” You don’t mention the way he’d get jealous of you working at the club.

“Fucker.” Javi rolls his eyes and scoffs. “Let me guess, he got mad and accused you of fucking every guy who came in the place?” He’s seen a lot of men talk a big game and be unable to handle their woman using their body how they pleased. While Javi wouldn’t want his partner to sleep with anyone else, ironically enough, he had no problem with them dancing.

“Got it in one.” You chuckle softly, the song coming to an end. “The fact that his fist also used to get mad…well, I, uh, I learned real fast how to fight back and when I did, he decided to leave.” You admit, coming to a stop when the song ends, unable to meet his eyes. You know you sound like a lost cause, working in a strip club, an orphan who was beaten up by her ex and has no money. You’re like the poster child for a charity commercial.

“Pendejo.” Javi spits, hating the vulnerability on your face. He reaches into his pocket and hands you more money. “Doesn’t matter if you were fucking every guy here, you don’t deserve that.” He murmurs softly. “Some of the best women I knew in Colombia were hookers. Brave as shit, fierce. Nothing to be looked down on.”

You shift off of his lap, the money in hand. “This is too much.” You shake your head and Javi closes your hand around it.

“Take it. Please.” He urges and you nod, unable to deny him. You heard the rumors of him sleeping around in Colombia too, the rumor mill still running during his absence, and you didn’t judge him, knowing it must’ve been lonely fighting a never ending war.

“Thank you.” You lean in to kiss his cheek, shoving the money in your bra. “Do you want another drink?” You ask but he shakes his head.

“No, thank you. I have an early morning fixing the fence with my pa. I’ll, uh, I’ll see you around.” He stands up and tries to discreetly adjust himself but you see it.

“Sure thing Peña. See you around.” You guide him back into the main dance area and feel your boss’s eyes on you.

“Be good.” Javi urges and you wink at him, “always am.” He walks out, glancing back at you before he exits and you sigh, hoping he comes back or you see him around town.

****

The week passed with Javi constantly thinking about you. The few times he had gone into town, he had looked around for you, wanting to see you again. He wonders where you live, what your schedule is like outside of your working hours. Now that the weekend is here, he showers and changes into some clean clothes to head into town. “I’m gone, pop.” He sticks his head in the living room to find his dad kicked back in his old Lazy Boy with the soccer game turned on, the announcers yelling through the speakers.

Chucho lifts up the Budweiser in his hands. “Have fun, mijo.” He grunts out. “If you can’t get out of jail, call me.”

Javi rolls his eyes, snorting at the same speech his pop has given him since he started going out as a teenager. It was doubtful he would need to call his dad, professional courtesy and all between federal agencies and local law enforcement and the locals looked at Javi like he was untouchable despite handing in his badge. “Sure thing pop.” He knows his dad will be asleep in his chair until at least midnight before he finally goes back to his room.

The club is busy tonight, always is on the weekend, and you prepare for your next dance. You’ve been scanning the room for Javier ever since that night and it feels like he’s never going to come back. “Welcome to the stage, Margarita!” The crowd cheers and you adjust your bra before you make your way up on the stage, the song blaring as you shift to spin around the pole, starting your routine, and that’s when you see him. A couple of rows back, whiskey in hand, and his look electrifies you.

The entire week, Javi’s been talking to himself about how wrong his attraction is to you. But the second that he sees you, every point he had tried to bring up to himself dies away. You’re an adult, nearly thirty fuckin’ years old, and it wasn’t like he spent much time with you when he was dating Lorraine. He arches a brow at you and lifts his drink as you dance. He isn’t in the front row, throwing bills at the stage but he will pay you after you get done with your set. Groaning when he sees you turn around and bend over to give him a fantastic view of your ass.

You put more energy into this dance than anything else you’ve done all week. The feel of his eyes on you has you going all out and more money flies onto the stage and you finish with flair, going into the splits and you wink at Javi when he claps your performance. Standing up, you gather the money and make your way off stage and over to Javi. “Fancy seeing you here Peña.” You say as you set a whiskey down for him.

“Wanted a drink.” He jokes, like you aren’t aware that he has passed half a dozen bars to get to your club. “How’s your week been?” He asks, like he’s run into you in a grocery store and is asking about the weather. “Haven’t seen you around when I was in town.”

You shrug, “been busy with school. Nearly the end of the semester, so I’m trying to buckle down and get good grades. I’m nearly done with my degree.” You tell him, sitting down on the empty seat next to him. “I can’t be too long. Boss has been on my ass to get more money this weekend.”

Javi rolls his eyes and pats his lap. “Come here then.” He doesn’t want you to get in trouble and he’s talked about much more troubling things when a woman has been on his lap. “What are you going to school for?”

“Nursing. It’s good because I already have the outfit.” You joke, shifting to settle on his lap, and you lean back against him, enjoying the way he feels against you. “How was your week? You get that fence fixed on the ranch?” You ask, reaching up to push that piece of hair back, wanting to show your boss that you’re schmoozing a customer and not just chatting.

“That piece, yeah.” Javi instinctively leans in, brushing his nose along the length of your throat while you swivel your hips. “Then another section decided to fall on the northeast corner of the ranch.” He huffs, fully aware that they are fighting a never ending battle with nature. His hands settle on your hips again and he lets out a quiet groan. “You’re too good at this.” He huffs quietly. “Definitely didn’t learn it from your sister.”

You smirk, “no. She has always been a stick in the mud.” You snort, “heard from a few girls that her husband has been in here a few times.” You reach out to caress his chest, fingers dipping under the fabric of his shirt. “Do you want another dance? I- I’m not asking for the money. Just - it would be nice to be alone again.” You bite your lip, knowing you’re playing with fire but he’s too good to not want to get burned.

“If you want me to have a dance.” He knows he should decline, but staring into your eyes, he doesn’t want to. Yes, he knew you when you were a teenager, but you’re grown now. You’re calling the shots. “Do you want to give me a lap dance, conejita?” He has used that nickname when Lorraine complained about your unlimited energy. “Or should I just call you Rita?”

You chuckle, “you can call me whatever you want, baby.” You flirt playfully, shifting to stand up and you hold your hand out towards him. Guiding him to a private room, you turn to the stereo to put on some music and he sits down. You cup his cheeks, sliding your hands down his neck to his chest, loving the way his Adam’s apple bobs with the movement. “Lorraine was an idiot to try and trick you, to push you into marriage. She didn’t appreciate what she had.”

Javi grunts, remembering the absolute panic he had when she had told him that she was pregnant. Followed up by a stern lecture from his pop, Javi had done the right thing. He had proposed, swallowing down his suspicions that something wasn’t right. “She knew I wanted to leave.” Javi admits. “That I was planning on applying to the DEA.”

You sigh, shaking your head, “I knew something wasn’t right. I saw - she had a tampon and I didnt question it. It wasn’t my place.” You rock your hips on top of him, moving to the beat. “You deserved better. Lorraine has her rich husband and her 2.5 kids.” You roll your eyes, “she’s all set.”

Javi snorts, smirking at how put out you sound. “Careful, Rita.” He teases. “You sound jealous. You want the rich husband and 2.5 kids?” He asks, arching his brow at you playfully.

You shake your head, running your fingers through his hair as you continue to dance on him. “Hell no. Maybe the kids…one day. I- I want someone who loves me for me. Who makes me happy and supports me. Not monetarily but emotionally. Money can’t buy happiness. It can make life easier, but it can’t replace true emotion. You can’t buy love.” You realize how cliché you sound but it’s true. “What about you? Ready for a wife and kids?” You tease, grinding down onto his lap when you feel his cock hardening beneath you.

The truth is Javi has never been opposed to marriage, he just never found someone he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. He gives a small shrug. “Never found someone willing to put up with my shit for too long.” He huffs. “Least not someone I wanted to deal with their shit.” He modifies, very aware that Lorraine had been desperate to lock him down at the time. “What you do shouldn’t matter. Just as long as he takes care of you, physically and emotionally. Work is fucking work. It should stay there.”

You nod, “exactly. You get it.” You know he would take care of you physically. He’s so handsome, fucking sexy as hell, and you are struggling to keep professional. You never sleep with customers but Javi has you wanting to bend the rules. “For now, we will both just have fun.” You wink at him, the song rolling into another but you don’t get off of his lap, content to stay here all night. “You want an actual dance?” You ask, biting your lip, knowing you’ve just been moving for the camera, not really moving for him.

“If you give me an actual dance, I’ll embarrass myself, hermosa.” Javi admits, harder than a rock and it’s been a long time since he’s fucked anyone other than himself. Jerking off in the shower every few days doesn’t count but it’s what he’s done since his first few weeks back in Colombia the last time. Not even the blonde at the airport had managed to convince him to sneak into the women’s bathroom for a quickie.

“That’s okay. I want - I want to make this good for you. You’re paying money to listen to me chit chat. Let me - I want to show you what I can do.” You murmur, eyes flicking down to his lips and he licks them, causing your eyes to meet his. He doesn’t say anything, just nods, and you shift off of his lap, playing a new song. You turn away from him, moving slowly to the intro, swaying your hips and you look over your shoulder at him as you smirk, wanting to affect him. When you turn around, you kneel down and run your hands from his ankles to his thighs, stopping just short of his pelvis, admiring the bulge there for a moment. You slowly straddle him again, grinding down onto his hard cock and you reach behind you to unclasp your bra.

“Shit.” Javi has tried to not stare at your tits but now you are practically shoving them in his face. Making him twitch against your grinding cunt and his fingers dig into your hips. Your arms wind around his neck and you press forward, making him groan when your tits press against his skin. All he has to do is open his mouth and he could lick you. Although the glittery body powder you’re wearing wouldn’t taste good. He wants to drag your mouth down to his and kiss you. Rip off the tiny bottom and pull his cock out so you can ride him. Instead, he slides a hand around you and squeezes your ass harshly.

You fucking love how it feels to have him touch you, his calloused hands squeezing your ass and you whimper when he drags you down onto his cock. The song continues to play and you try to keep the rhythm but Javi is too good, his hot breath on your skin has you tossing your head back, arching your back to thrust your chest into his face. “Fuck, Jav.” You pant, continuing to grind onto him.

His cock is throbbing and he knows that if you don’t quit grinding on him, he’s going to fucking blow a load in his jeans like a fucking teenager. “Jesus, you gotta stop.” He hisses, unable to resist leaning in and nipping the skin of your breast. He’s always been a biter and he wants so desperately to have you wearing the impression of his teeth. “You’re gonna make me fucking cum in my jeans.”

“Do it baby. It’s okay.” You promise breathlessly, wanting to moan at the feel of his teeth on your breast. “I want you to cum for me Javi.” You murmur, leaning in to kiss his neck, unable to resist him. You want to see and hear him cum, at least to give you something to dream about.

Javi groans, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you closer, making you grind down on him even more as he rocks his hips up. Filthy moans and a long growl pour into your ear as he closes his eyes, hot spurts of cum coating his cock as he cums in his pants with you grinding down on him.

You kiss his neck again, smiling against his skin at how gorgeous he sounded when he came. Your panties are soaking wet, imagining how he would’ve felt inside of you. “God, that was hot.” You confess, breathing him in, and you wish you could fuck him but he’s just here for a good time, not to take his ex’s sister home.

“Shit.” Javi pants, shaking his head. “I’ve not done that since I was in fucking college.” He admits, looking up at you when you pull back. “Now I gotta go shower again.” He’s not upset about it, doesn’t give a fuck, but he wishes he had been able to get you off. “You gonna think about that later tonight?”

“Absolutely I am.” You wink and you mean it. It was sexy as hell to be able to make him cum like that. You feel on top of the world, not dirty like other lap dances you’ve given where the guy does that. You sigh and lean in to kiss his chin, “you don’t have to pay. That was - I wanted to do that. It’s not - you aren’t paying for it.”

Javi frowns and shakes his head. “The fuck I’m not paying.” He insists. “You’re here to make money and I’m taking up your time.” He reaches up and grips your chin. “I am not getting freebies while I'm here, okay?” He knows that will get you in trouble and you have to support yourself and finish school. “Please?”

You stare at him, seeing the fierceness in his eyes. “How about a discount?” You tease and he offers you a warning look. “Fine. Full price if you insist, Peña.” You joke, slapping his chest and he grabs it, tangling your fingers together. You swallow harshly, looking into his eyes. It’s so tempting to kiss him but you won’t.

“You should take a break.” Javi murmurs softly. “Have something to drink.” He’s not thinking about liquor but he knows that you have to be thirsty after dancing. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out another stack of bills. “Here, hermosa.”

You nod, “I’ll go to the break room now and get a drink and a snack. Are you gonna go home?” You ask and he nods, “gotta clean up my mess.”

You chuckle, “you mean the mess I created?” You joke and he snorts, “exactly.” You hold your hand out towards him, “thank you for coming to see me.” You bite your lip, admiring the sheen on his forehead from his orgasm.

Javi nods and takes your hand to stand up. “Be careful, hermosa.” He murmurs seriously. “If you get any of these drunk assholes bothering you, don’t walk out to your car by yourself.” He knows you are smarter than that and have taken care of yourself for a long time but he worries. “If no one will walk you out you call me. You have Pop's home number?”

You nod, knowing Chucho has had the same phone number since 1965. Your heart flutters at his protectiveness and you try not to read too much into it. He’s just looking out for you. “Thanks Jav.” You lean in to kiss his cheek, “be careful too.” You know that he attracts trouble and you want him to be safe.

Javi makes his way out of the club, grimacing as he climbs into his truck. The bad thing about it is that despite him cumming in his pants, he still wants to fuck you. Sighing as he turns over the engine, he contemplates coming back tomorrow or waiting until next weekend.

****

You’re making your rounds when Javi comes into the club a few days later, making you smile and wink at him when you see him nod at you. You are finishing up with a customer who asked you to sit and talk. An older man, regular, who likes to just talk to you because you remind him of his ex wife. He doesn’t ask for more but pays you well for your time. You’re quick to get Javi a whiskey from the bar, making your way over to him and settling in his lap after you set the drink down. “Hey stranger.” You coo, kissing his cheek, “what you been up to?”

“Hey, Rita.” Javi winks at you and takes a sip of the drink you brought him. “I’ve been hauling fence posts and shoveling horse shit and trying to break the fuck bastard of a horse Pop decided to buy.” He grunts, thinking about how the bastard had tried to bite him when he was feeding him before he showered and came here. “Took a lot to not just shoot the damn thing.”

You snort, shaking your head at him, "I would've paid money to watch you try and tame a wild one." You giggle at the mental image of him cursing the horse, and you know he would curse his dad for buying it. "So you're here to relax, have a drink..." You tilt your head, knowing you wouldn't mind taking him for another dance. The nights since he came in his pants have been occupied with your hand between your legs, remembering how he sounded.

“To see you.” Javi murmurs, cutting his eyes back to you. He’s already resigned himself to the fact that he’s fucked. “For some reason I can’t stay away from this woman I’ve known since she was a high schooler.” He grunts, taking a sip of his drink. “She’s driving me crazy.”

"Yeah? You know...she has been watching the door every night, waiting for you to come back." You confess softly, eyes flicking down to his lips and back to those dark eyes that look ravenous. "you're driving her crazy too."

“Surprised that she’s not barring me from the club since I came in my jeans.” Javi flushes slightly and his hand strokes your thigh lightly. “Especially when she is dressed like this, looking like a fucking sexy angel.”

"I took that as a compliment." You hum, reaching out to run your fingers through his hair, pushing it back. "You like the outfit? I just got it. Picked it while thinking of you, that way you look at me." You admit, looking down at the white silk and lace, "Javi...I don't - my shift ends in an hour. I want to take you back to my place." You confess, sick of beating around the bush. You've debated telling him how you feel, worried he will tell you this is confined to the club and not beyond that.

“Fuck.” Javi groans and his hand tightens on your thigh. “Yes- fuck, I want to go home with you.” He nearly growls it, leaning in and biting your chin slightly. “Can I keep you occupied for the next hour so I can have you to myself?”

You smirk, "you want a private dance? We can drag it out. I don't want your money for the dance but we can talk in private and waste the time." You suggest, "I promise I won't make you cum in your pants again." You lean back to offer him an innocent pout.

Javi snorts and sends you a small grin. “Gotta make sure that your boss doesn’t get suspicious.” He murmurs, nodding and squeezing your thigh again. “Good thing there are cameras, or I’d just fuck you right there.” He finally acknowledges that he has every intention of sleeping with you and he doesn’t feel guilty about it. You obviously want him.

You whimper, unable to stop the noise making its way up your throat. “I wouldn’t argue with that. But I don’t want to rush. I’ve wanted you since you walked in here.” You admit, “you wanna come back to the room?” You ask, leaning in to run your nose along your jaw.

“Yeah.” Javi groans, knowing he’s going to have a hard time keeping his hands off of you now that you both know where you stand. “Believe me, I’m not going to cum in thirty seconds when I slide inside you.” He promises.

You shift off of his lap, “I hope not, Peña.” You tease, holding your hand out and he takes it. You guide him back to the private room, letting him sit down and you turn to the stereo. “What music do you want?” You ask and he smirks, “whatever you want hermosa.” His words make you smile and you lean down to pick something sensual. Not wanting to rush this. The music starts and you straddle his lap, wrapping your arms around his neck.

“Fuck.” Javi groans, leaning in and dragging his nose along your throat, placing a tiny kiss against your pulse. It’s been a long time since he’s allowed himself this type of intimacy but it’s surprisingly easy with you. “I want to kiss you, but I’ll wait until no one is watching.” He murmurs quietly, not wanting to cause problems with your boss. “What do you want me to do, hermosa?”

You press your chest to his, getting even closer to him. “I want you to wreck me. I want you to fuck me so hard I have to take tomorrow off.” You tell him, nipping his jaw as the music plays and you wish you could just leave but your boss would kill you. “I want you.” You kiss his neck, “in my bed.”

Javi hisses and his hard cock twitches underneath you. “You want me to make to fuck you until you scream my name?” Javi rasps out, digging his hands into your hips. “Fuck you until we are both breathless and needing a cigarette?”

“God yes. Imagined it so many times. At night, with my hand between my thighs. Haven’t stopped thinking of you since the first night you came here.” You admit, grinding down on his hard bulge. Fuck, this hour is going to be a lifetime.

He chuckles quietly, fingers sliding under the edge of your skimpy bottoms. “Just like you used to when you were a teenager, huh?” He teases. “Lorraine used to say you had a thing for me, but I didn’t believe her.”

You bite your lip, “maybe I did. I, uh, I did have a thing for you. A big thing.” You admit and he smirks, “shut up.” You hit his chest and remember you’re supposed to be dancing on him. “I used to think you were the sexiest man in Laredo, hell, in Texas. Nothing like those boys in school.”

“That’s because I wasn’t a boy.” Javi grunts at you playfully. His hand covers your and he lifts a brow as he drags both of your hands down over his stomach and towards his belt buckle. “All man, hermosa.”

“Fuck.” You pant, unable to resist squeezing him through his jeans. “I can’t wait, Javi. I need you. I- I’m gonna tell my boss I feel sick. I need - I’ll meet you outside, okay? I can’t wait any longer.” You tell him, shuffling off of his lap now that the song has ended. It’s barely been five minutes but you need him after dreaming after him for so long. “Come on baby.” You take his hand to drag him up.

There’s a small laugh that follows as he lets you pull him to his feet. He won’t pay you now because you are rushing towards the door, eager to go home. “Tell them that you feel like you are going to throw up. That you nearly threw up on me.” He suggests, knowing that the man wouldn’t want you throwing up on clients.

You snicker, “good idea, baby.” You guide him out of the room and you playfully pat his ass before you rush to find your manager.

“What is it, Rita? You got the money from that dance?” He asks and you shake your head, covering your mouth.

“No. I’m gonna - I feel like I’m gonna throw up. Nearly did on him.” You admit, gagging and covering your mouth again.

“Jesus Christ. I don’t want you puking on anyone. Don’t be fucking pregnant. Get your shit and go.” He orders and you nod, rushing to the locker room to change into your sweats and grab your purse, making your way out to the parking lot.

Javi takes one last drag off his cigarette and tosses it down to grind it under his boot. Grinning when he sees you rushing out the back door and he pushes off the side of his truck. “Rita.” He calls out, aware that the two of you are in public and he wouldn’t want anyone who doesn’t know you to find out your real name. He motions you over and looks around. “Where is your car?”

You point to the heap of shit that barely runs even after you’ve prayed for it to start. “You can follow me.” You tell him, knowing he will want to drive home directly from your place. “Come on baby, let’s go.” You urge and he smirks, winking as he opens his truck door. “See you there.” You promise and get into your car, sighing in relief when it starts. You pull out of the parking lot, keeping your eyes on the rear view mirror to watch Javi follow you to your apartment.

He’s fucking appalled that you drive this piece of shit. The damn thing looks like it’s barely clinging to life and one day it’s going to leave you on the side of the road in the middle of the night. Javi grunts to himself as he follows you, reminding himself to say something to you about it. It’s not safe. Your apartment is only ten minutes away from the club and he pulls in beside you, hopping out and walking up to the curb to wait for you.

You grab your purse and keys, making your way to his truck. You take his hand to guide him into your place. Taking your key, you guide him to your front door and he’s pressing against you. You fumble with the key to open the door and once it’s open, you spin around to press yourself against him. “Fuck me Javi.” You demand, cupping his cheeks.

Javi pushes you back through your door, both of you stumbling across the threshold and he slams the door behind him so he can gather you closer to him. “Fuck.” He grunts into your mouth, his hands grabbing your ass and pulling you against his cock.

You surge forward to press lips to his, desperate to kiss him. “I need you, baby.” You murmur, pecking his lips, before you deepen the kiss, sliding your tongue into his mouth.

Javi grunts, rocking his hips forward and tangling his tongue with yours. He knows the basic layout of most apartments and he starts to walk you back towards the hallways. Wanting to get you into your bedroom and on your bed.

You let him guide you backwards towards your bed, pushing you down onto it, and you drag him down with you. “God, you have no idea how many times I’ve thought about this.” You confess and kiss him, reaching for the buttons of his shirt.

He chuckles, dipping his head and nipping along your jaw and down your through. He loves kissing you, but he wants to do everything he imagined while you’ve been grinding on him. “Been thinking about this a lot, huh?” He teases, one hand sliding up and under your t-shirt to squeeze your tit over your bra before he dives under it too. “Fuck you’re so sexy.”

You whimper when he squeezes your breast, reaching down between you to pull your shirt over your head. “Fuck Javi.” You gasp when he surges down to wrap his lips around your nipple, biting down on it. “So fucking sexy.” He murmurs and you push his shirt off his shoulders, wanting to feel his skin.

It’s a race to get undressed, both of you pulling and tugging on the other’s clothes. Desperate to get naked and touch each other. Javi groans when you shove your hand into his jeans and gasps when you discover he’s not wearing any underwear. “Fuck.”

“Holy shit you’re thick.” You pant when his hands find their way into your sweatpants and he instantly rubs your clit. You squeeze him, “gotta - gotta finish getting undressed.” You tell him and he nods, shifting off of the bed, grabbing onto your sweats so he can pull them down your legs and off of you.

He peels the material down your legs and tosses it onto the floor, kicking off his boots so he can push his own jeans down. His cock bobs and dances as he kicks them off and he groans as he wraps his hand around himself. “Fuck baby, spread your legs. And you need to tell me now if you need me to wear a condom.”

You follow his order, spreading your legs for him, and you point to your side table. “I’m on birth control. I’m clean. Haven’t been with anyone since my ex and that was a while ago. I got tested and I- I understand if you’re more comfortable wearing a condom because of my profession. They are in my nightstand.” You tell him, eyes focused on his hard cock, unable to believe how gorgeous he is.

Javi snorts and shakes his head. “I’m clean too and your profession doesn’t bother me, hermosa.” He murmurs, kneeling on the bed and caressing your ankle as he shuffles between your spread legs. “I’ve slept with prostitutes in Colombia, a lot of them. Respected every one of them.” He leans down and drops a kiss on your knee before his hands slide up your thigh and between your legs.

His words make your heart swell and you admire his honesty. “I- I haven’t done this before. Slept with a customer. Believe it or not. I didn’t want the extra money like that. I’ve heard too many horror stories of girls that go home with customers.” You admit, reaching out to wrap your fingers around his hard cock. “Fuck baby. You’re so thick, I need you inside of me now.”

He doesn’t care if you had done this with every customer you have, as long as you were careful of your safety. He shuffles closer and lets you drag his cock through your folds as he reaches up and pinches a nipple to make you gasp. Leaning down to kiss your lips as you line him up. “Fuck, hermosa.” He groans, pushing his hips forward when you let go of him in his eagerness to slide inside you.

You whimper when he starts to push inside of you, feeling the stretch already, and you close your eyes, tilting your head back into the pillow. “Fuck Javi. That feels- you feel so good.” You pant and he leans forward to kiss your chin. Your hands slide along his back, loving how muscular and strong he feels under your touch as he pushes deeper until he’s fully inside of you.

“Shit.” He hisses, closing his eyes as he rocks slowly, letting you feel without moving too much. Enjoying the way your walls flutter around him. “You feel so good, hermosa.” He groans, looking down at you and pulling you close as he spreads his knees apart to start thrusting. “So fucking good.”

It’s been such a build up to this moment, you are immediately on fire, but you savor how he feels inside of you. “Baby. Oh baby.” You murmur, knowing you’ve wanted this for so fucking long and he feels so good inside of you. You wrap your legs around him, pushing him deeper with your heels in his ass, loving how slow he’s going. “Wanted this since I saw you in the club.”

His elbow dips into the mattress near your shoulder and he grunts as he rolls his hips forward. “Fuck, me too.” He confesses, knowing that he shouldn’t but he doesn’t give a shit anymore. “So fucking hot shaking your ass up there.” He huffs, kissing down your jaw and biting on your chin.

You are surprised he wants to fuck you like this but you won’t complain. You whimper and let me push deep inside of you, crossing your ankles behind him back to push him deeper inside of you. “Fuck baby. You’re so - so thick.” You pant, knowing you’re going to feel him tomorrow. He grunts and you grip his neck, gasping when he tries to suck on your neck. “No marks.”

Javi huffs against your skin but he stops sucking. If you have bite marks or anything on your skin, you’ll get shit from your boss. He doesn’t want you to get in trouble or make less money because of him. He shifts to his knees and drags you upright. “Hold on to the bed.” He orders, keeping your upper body in his hold and he thrusts up into you. “Jesus.”

You follow his order, hands flying out to grab the headboard as his hands squeeze your tits, making you moan as he hits something spectacular inside of you in this position. “Oh fuck baby. I- shit. You’re - shit. You’re so fucking deep inside of me.” You pant, turning your head to press your lips to his.

Groaning, he kisses you back, instantly sliding his tongue into your mouth to tangle with yours. His fingers are digging into the muscles of your back as he keeps steadily filling you. Loving how your walls open for him to fit him like a glove. “Jesus, hermosa.” He hisses into your mouth, closing his eyes and sliding a hand down your back and around your body to cup your breast and squeeze.

You pant, loving how he feels inside of you. Pushing deep and you reach up to tangle your fingers in his hair, tugging on his locks. “Holy shit.” You moan, loving the way he twitches inside of you. “Shit baby.” You try to rock your hips to meet his, grinding down onto him while he squeezes your tit.

He huffs, letting go of your tit so he can rub your clit, lowering his head so he can draw your nipple into his mouth. Biting down on it before bathing it with his tongue, he suckles harshly. He loves the way you cry out and your fingers tangle into his hair to pull on it.

You shift to brace your feet on the bed, rocking against him to grind onto his cock. “Oh my God, baby. You’re gonna - I’m gonna -” You’re lost in how he feels, so deep inside of you and his fingers on your clit combined with his mouth around your nipple sends you over the edge, clamping down on his cock, you cry out and collapse forward against his chest.

Javi groans against your skin, loving how you clamp down around him and soak him with your juices. “Fuck.” He pants, rolling his hips up faster and holding onto you tighter as he chases his own high.

His arms slide under your thighs, lifting you up higher so he can thrust harder inside of you. You wrap your arms around his neck, crying out his name as he pushes you through your orgasm. “Fuck. Oh - oh - I need you to cum for me Javi. Please. Cum for me baby.” You beg, trying to grind against him but he has you in a tight grip.

Now is the time where Javi’s thrusts get more desperate. Moaning and grunting as he clenches his jaw and stares into your eyes. He feels himself getting closer. Every time you clench around him, you push him closer. “Fuck, fuck.” He grunts, leaning in and biting your bottom lip as he drives deep into your tight cunt and moans as he fills you up with hot ropes of cum.

You can’t take your eyes off of him, watching as he cums. His face twisted as he orgasm and you fucking love it. Eyes open as you watch him fill you with hot seed. “Javi. Oh baby. That’s it. Fill me up.” You murmur against his chin.

“Shiiiiiiiit.” Javi moans, angling his head and pressing his lips to yours for one last kiss. Breaking it off and leaning his head against your clavicle as he tries to catch his breath. “So good.” He huffs quietly.

You hum in agreement, running your fingers through his damp hair, and you love how his breath hits your chest. “Worth the wait.” You joke softly, caressing his neck while he calms down, his cock still inside of you.

“Definitely worth the wait.” He hums in agreement and you sigh when he lays you down on the bed and pulls out of you, his cum dripping out of you and you spread your legs so he can see. Smirking slightly, he swipes his fingers through your folds and rubs your clit as he lays down beside you. “Fuck, now I need another cigarette.” He hums, knowing he won’t get up to get one right now. He’s relaxed and wants to stay right here.

“I have some in my drawer.” You offer, making him raise a brow. He knows you don’t smoke so he wonders who the cigarettes are for. You shrug, “old habit. My ex used to like to smoke after sex.” You confess and you shift over him to grab the pack and lighter, placing the ashtray on the nightstand. “There you go.” You kiss his peck and he works on lighting a cigarette. “I like you Javi, always have. I, uh, I don’t just want to see you when you come to the club.” You admit, stroking his chest and down to his stomach.

Javi sucks on the cigarette and leans back, his hand dropping the lighter on your nightstand before it curls around your shoulder. Exhaling up towards the ceiling so he doesn’t blow it on you, he hums. “We can go to dinner tomorrow.” He offers, raising his brow as he looks down at you. “Sound good? Anywhere you want to go.”

“You want to be seen in public with me?” You joke, chuckling as you snuggle into his side. You know your ex had an issue with your job and you hope Javier, despite his assurances otherwise, that he doesn’t care about your job.

Javi snorts and shakes his head, taking another drag off the cigarette. "It should be that you don't want to be seen with me, hermosa." He teases, his fingers stroking up and down your back gently. "We could always go down to the steakhouse?" He asks. The steakhouse is pretty much the fanciest place in Laredo to have dinner and it was 'the' date spot for anyone who wanted people to know they were seeing one another.

You raise your eyebrows, surprised that he wants to take you there but you won’t deny that you want to be there with Javi. “I like the sound of that. Let’s do it baby. Steakhouse tomorrow night? I have the night off.” You admit, watching him blow out another cloud of smoke.

Javi nods. “I’ve got to work with pop in the morning, so I’ll pick you up later on?” He asks, knowing he doesn’t want you to drive that shit box car more than you have to. “Seven sound good or do you want to do it later?” He doesn’t know what you do on your days off and he doesn’t want to intrude if you have important things to take care of.

“Seven is good.” You hum, “gotta run errands tomorrow and hopefully get some sleep. I have a class too but I’ll be ready by seven.” You promise, “I, uh, I know it’s been a long time since you were with Lorraine but people will gossip and I- I don’t care. She doesn’t like me but I don’t want to cause issues for you.”

“You aren’t going to cause issues for me.” Javi flicks the ash in a tray on the opposite side of the bed and takes one last drag before he stubs it out. “Do you want me to leave?” He asks, unsure if you like men to sleep over. He wouldn’t mind staying, but it’s up to you.

You nod, “if you want. I’m way too comfortable right now to let you go.” You tease, swinging your leg over his hips to snuggle into his side before you pull your covers over you both. “Stay.” You order softly and he agrees, kissing your hair. It’s too easy with Javier. Far too easy.

****

The doorbell rings and you smooth down your dress, eager and hoping Javier likes you in the dress you’re wearing. It’s more coverage than anything he’s seen you in thus far and you hope he likes it. “Hey handsome.” You smirk when you open the door to him.

Javi hasn’t worn a suit since he quit the DEA but he’s glad he pulled one out of the closet. Even ironing the shirt. “Shit.” He huffs, leaning against the door and returning your smirk with one of his own. “I didn’t know I was having you for dinner.” You are fully covered and still his cock twitches in his pants and he thinks you’re gorgeous.

If you thought Javi in jeans was hot, Javi in a suit has you dripping already. “Dessert.” You correct him, “we are having steak for dinner and you can have me for dessert.” He chuckles and you step closer to cup his cheeks, kissing him. He woke you up with his tongue this morning and you have been thinking about him all day. His hands grip your waist and he slides his tongue into your mouth, tasting your lipgloss. “Let’s go baby before we forget about dinner and go straight to dessert.” You slap his chest and reach into your apartment for your purse, making quick work of locking the door.

Javi chuckles and guides you out into the parking lot and over to his truck. Trying to be a bit of a gentleman and opening the door for you. He can tell you’re surprised but he just smirks and watches you climb into the cab before he shuts the door and skirts around the hood to get behind the wheel. “Hope you’re hungry.” He teases as he starts the engine. “I’m giving up dessert to eat steak first.”

You giggle, feeling like a teenager all over again except now you’re a woman and Javier is a man and you’re going on a date. You drive through Laredo, watching him and admiring his profile while he concentrates on navigating to the restaurant. “Has anyone ever told you you have a fucking perfect nose?” You ask and he snorts.

“Absolutely not. Never. Not. One. Not even my mother.” He reveals with amusement.

“Well I think it’s perfect.” You hum, reaching out to trace your finger along the bridge.

He’s been hit on plenty of times, enough to know that he’s not ugly but he knows that his features aren’t perfect. Still, it makes him open his mouth and then close it, unsure of what to say to that. He finally looks over at you with a slightly disbelieving expression. “I think you need to have your eyes checked.” He jokes. “You’re the perfection in this truck.” That, he means, finding you stunningly beautiful and not in the way he finds you stunning when you’re at work. You would fit in at any swanky embassy party if he was still in Colombia - or ever attended them.

You fluster, biting your lip at the way he calls you perfection. You know your job has men looking at you like a piece of meat but right now, Javi is looking at you like you’ve hung the moon. He pulls into the restaurant and you take his hand when he helps you out of his truck. You walk into the restaurant hand in hand and your heart is thumping with nerves and happiness.

The hostess smiles brightly, although he doesn’t miss the way her eyes slide up and down his body and the smile takes on a slightly warmer tone. “May I help you?” She asks him and Javi nods. “Reservations for Peña.” He looks over at you with a small smirk, having called earlier just to make sure that there was no way you weren’t going to eat here tonight. After confirming the reservation, the hostess asks the two of you to follow her and for once, Javi doesn’t watch a woman’s ass as her hips sway in front of him.

You love how Javier’s hand hovers against your lower back as he guides you to the table and you smile when he pulls your chair out for you. “What a gentleman.” You compliment him with a wink and he chuckles while he takes his seat. “You didn’t check out her ass?” You frown, reaching for his hand to check his pulse, “you feeling okay?” You tease, knowing he’s an infamous playboy in Laredo.

Javi snorts and pulls his hand away from you. “Behave.” He huffs at you even though he’s grinning. “I don’t have to imagine what your ass looks like, and I guarantee it’s better.” He doesn’t want you to think that he just wants sex with you. Of course he wants sex, but he doesn’t want to limit it to just sex. He’s tired of that and he likes you. You’re funny and smart.

Seated, you bite your lip as you look over the menu. The prices are set in small print and nothing is exactly cheap. Unsure of what to order considering that your ex had always complained when you wanted an actual meal. The waiter comes over and he orders a bottle of wine that sounds appealing.

“Don’t order a damn salad.” Javi huffs, watching you scour the menu for the cheapest options. He doesn’t want you to do that, he’s paying the tab so he wants you to enjoy yourself and order what you want to eat. “You work out all fucking night at your job, you need the calories.”

You stare at him, seeing the sincerity in his eyes. Most men would be happy for you to order a salad. Say you even have to lose weight or keep your figure, but Javi wants you to eat what you want. You bite your lip, “the steak sounds good. With French fries.” You confess, looking up at him over your menu. “Then order that.” Javi insists and you nod, setting the menu down. “Thank you.” You reach out to squeeze his hand, not sure if he knows how much he just comforted you.

Javi nods and looks over at the waiter when he brings the wine over again. After pouring, he looks back at you, wanting you to order for yourself. He hates when pompous asses speak over their dates and order for them to seem like they are in charge. When you order your steak and fries, Javi orders a steak with a baked potato and seasonal vegetables. Once the waiter rushes off to put the order in with the kitchen, he picks up his wine glass. “To setting tongues on fire in this town.” He offers with a grin.

You giggle, clinking your glass against his, and you discreetly look around to see several sets of eyes on you. You take a sip, humming softly at the wine choice, and you set your glass down to look at your date. “You know that a lot of the men in here on dates with their wives have been in the club multiple times?” You snort, knowing that their wives are gossiping about you but have no clue their husbands tossed their money on stage to pay you.

“I don’t doubt it.” Javi huffs. “I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with enjoying a beautiful woman, when you're single. Yes, you’re gonna look when a woman walks down the street. Women do it too, but you don’t go seeking it out.” He gives a small shrug. “But I’m glad that are helping you get through school too, so fuck ‘em. Take their money.”

You smirk, loving his mentality and you nod in agreement, “exactly. Fuck ‘em.” You giggle and reach for his hand, squeezing it. “I would rather fuck you again though.” You tell him honestly, biting your lip, “I want you to come back to mine after this…if you want.”

“Up to you, hermosa.” Javi had hoped you would want to fuck again, but he’s not going to assume that you would invite him into your bed. He’s exchanged sex for money plenty of times, but the score was upfront and everyone knew what was going on. “If you want me in your bed, you just tell me the word and I’ll be there.”

You grin, “I want you in my bed tonight.” You say it clearly so there’s no confusion and Javi nods. The dinner is soon served and you dig in, groaning at how good the steak is. It’s been too long since you had a meal like this. “God that was good.” You sigh after the waiter takes your empty plate. “Dessert?” You ask Javi and his eyes dip down to your chest, “if you’re offering, hermosa.”

You smirk, “oh I’m offering baby. You want actual dessert or you want me?”

His own smirk matches yours. “I doubt they would like it if I licked whipped cream off your cunt on the table.” He jokes huskily, eyes darkening as he leans in. “The question is if you want to eat something decadent here while you think about my tongue buried in your pretty pussy or if you want it first and then eating the dessert you got to go.”

You know you won’t be patient enough to wait through dessert. “Dessert to go. I don’t want to wait.” You confess, staring at him as the waiter comes over and Javier tells him to pack up one of each dessert to go and bring the check. “You ordered every dessert?” You ask breathlessly and he nods, “you’ll need your energy for tonight.” His words make your cunt clench and after he pays the check, you grab the bags of desserts and rush out from the restaurant. Once you’re in his truck, desserts secured, you reach for Javi to press your lips to his.

He chuckles against your lips, happy when you open up immediately for him. He curls his arm around your back and drags you across the bench seat to press up against him. Sliding his tongue into your mouth to groan when your own flutters eagerly against his. His other hand slides up your thigh but not dipping under your dress. After a long, steamy make out session, he pulls away panting. “We need to get back to your apartment.” He grunts, cock hard and already aching for you.

You huff, disappointed but you know you can’t fuck in a parking lot. He pulls out of the restaurant parking spot and makes his way along the road to your apartment. The radio is playing and you are feeling cheeky, deciding to reach out and squeeze him through his jeans. “Hermosa.” He warns with a low groan. “Javi.” You giggle, flicking the button on his pants, slowly pulling the zipper down.

Because he is in a suit, Javi actually wore boxers. You huff at the obstacle between you and his cock. Javi adjust his hands on the wheel, allowing you more room, sure that you are going to blow him in the fucking cab of his truck as he drives towards your house. “Fuck hermosa, you don’t have to-“ he groans when you reach into his boxers and wrap your fingers around him to pull his cock free.

“I want to.” You whisper before you duck your head down to take him into your mouth and Javi hisses, his other hand slapping the back of the bench seat before he cups your head. “Oh fuck.”

You take him deeper, loving how he twitches inside of your mouth. You whimper around him, cunt dripping with anticipation of him inside of you and you wrap your fingers around the base of his cock, working him deeper while you kneel on the bench in the cab of his truck.

“Fuck.” Javi moans, continuously taking his eyes off the road so he can watch you take his cock down your throat. “So fucking good.” He praises quietly. “So fucking good. Imagined you like this, so much while you were on my lap.”

You hum around him, widening your jaw to take him deeper down your throat until the hairs at the base of his cock are tickling your nose. He chokes, the truck swerving a little and you almost giggle around his length at his reaction. You want him to feel good, to want more of you. You want to please him.

“You’re gonna fuckin make me crash.” He groans, sliding his hand down your back to squeeze your ass. He doesn’t mind, just making sure that he keeps his eyes on the road and doesn’t close them. “So Fucking eager you have to suck my cock on the drive home. Can’t wait.” He teases, smacking your ass.

You moan when he smacks your ass, pulling off of his cock so you can look up at him, continuing to pump him with your hand. “Couldn’t resist you. Been thinking about you since you left my place. Wanting your cock again.” You admit before you take him back into your mouth, wanting him to cum before he arrives back at your place.

“Good.” Javi groans. “You’ll have me again now. Anytime you want me.” He promises quietly. He turns into your parking lot and rushes to find a parking spot closest to your building.

You want him to cum down your throat so you take him deep again, moaning around him. Your hand slides down to fondle his balls and you hollow your cheeks, closing your eyes as he kills the engine to his truck.

“Shit, shit.” Javi hisses, feeling his end coming and his entire body tenses. He taps your cheek just in case. “Gonna cum!” He gasps out, closing his eyes and letting out a low growl.

You don’t pull back, feeling his balls pull up in your hand and you moan when his cum hits the back of your throat. You love how he groans your name as he cums, making you whimper around him while you try to swallow every drop he gives you.

It takes almost a minute for him to stop cumming. Moaning your name again as he digs his fingers into your ass as he spurts the last drops into your mouth and gasps for air.

You swallow all of it, waiting until his cock stops twitching and you pull back, kissing the tip of his cock. You lick your lips and sit up to look at him, pleased with yourself for swallowing every drop and the wrecked look on his face.

“Jesus Christ,” Javi pants. “You need to get in the fucking apartment.” He orders, grabbing your chin and pulling you towards him for a kiss.

You smile against his lips, fumbling for your purse and you reach for the door handle. “Come on then, Peña.” You order, getting out of the truck before he can open your door and you rush to your front door, struggling to find your keys and you eventually find them, opening your apartment just as Javi grabs your hips to guide you inside.

“I hope you’re ready to be in bed all night.” He hums, kicking the door behind him and barely taking his hands off of you so he can lock the door behind the two of you. “Because I’m not letting you leave it.”

****

Javi walks into the club, excited to see you and to watch you dance for him. Knowing that the other men are watching you but only he gets to take you home is thrilling. He finds a seat just as you’re about to start your set and he orders a whiskey. When you come on stage as Margarita, he smirks when you wink at him, shaking your ass in his direction, and he knows he will be biting it later, not enough to leave a mark but enough to make you squeal his name.

When you get off of stage, you gather the money and quickly make your way to the floor, eager to see Javi. “Hey sweetheart. Come ‘ere.” You turn to see a man - not a local - reach for you and you barely have a second to react before he’s pulling you into his lap. “Wanna see those tits.” He grabs your top, pulling it down to display your tits to his hungry gaze before you can push him away.

Before he can slam his drink down, Javi is shooting up out of his chair. “Hey!” He growls, charging over to the asshole who has decided to drag you down into his lap without your permission. “What the fuck are you doing, pendejo? You ask before you fucking touch.” He slaps his hand off your top and twists the man’s wrist away from your body.

"She's a whore. It's all for sale. I just took it without paying first." The man snorts at Javi, "you wanna have her? Wait your turn, buddy. She has enough to go around for the right price."

You hiss at the asshole, shifting off of his lap and you can't help it, you slap him. "I'm not a fucking whore." You growl, knowing you've never slept with any customer other than Javi.

"Fuck you sweetheart, you are probably sucking the cock of everyone in here. This one just got jealous. Wants you to himself, huh?"

“Shut the fuck up!” Javi hisses, unable to control himself and pulls back to punch the asshole square on the jaw. The shock of the punch allows you to scramble off his lap and duck behind him. “She’s not a fucking whore, you puta.” He squares up to hit the man again but security rushes over to grab hold of Javi.

"Stop. Stop." You beg Jason, the security guy who is grabbing Javi. "He was defending me against this asshole. You should be kicking him out." You demand and your boss comes over.

"What the fuck is going on?" He growls, "you just hit a fucking customer." He hisses at Javi, "and you slapped him." You try to explain what happened but your boss isn't having it. "You're fired." He growls at you and you clench your jaw.

“Fine. I'm fucking over this shit hole place." You hiss, turning to Javi who is struggling still. "I'll meet you outside." You tell him, "he will leave." You tell Jason who nods and escorts Javi out of the club. You grab your things and change before you head out of the club, sick of the bullshit you have to endure. You see Javi pacing by his truck and you drop your things, wrapping your arms around his neck to drag him towards you for a kiss.

Javi pulls away from you after a quick and sloppily executed kiss. “I’m sorry, hermosa, I- he was grabbing you without your permission.” He growls, angry that you had been fired for being assaulted. “You got fired but I can’t say that I’m upset about it.” He tells you. “Not because you’re losing money, but that you don’t work for an asshole that will let his customers just do whatever they want to you. I should call the fucking sheriff.” He grumbles, looking at you guiltily.

You cup his cheeks, shaking your head. "It's okay baby. I couldn't - something was gonna happen eventually. I had to leave at some point because they wanted me to...to give extras and I refused." You confess, seeing him clench his jaw. "Leave it. I have been fired. It's done. Let's go. I want to go home."

Javi nods and guides you over to your car. Once again hating how big of a piece of shit it is. He’s spent hours under the fucking hood cursing when he had the extra time. He hadn’t been able to convince you to let him buy you a more reliable car, even going so far as to tell you that you could make payments to him if it made you feel better. “I’ll follow you, okay?”

You shake your head, “I’m done with the clubs. I don’t - I want to do something else. I don’t want to have to fend off assholes. I don’t want to tell them no every night because one night…one night they won’t take no for an answer and you might not be there. I can’t keep risking it.” You step under the hot water, letting him step in behind you. “I’ll find something else. Hopefully in another few months I’ll be finding a job with my damn degree.”

Javi hums and nods, reaching for your sponge thing and your body wash so he can wash the glitter, sweat and lotion off your body. “Then just don’t work.” He suggests. “I’ll make sure the bills get paid. Not like I am paying anything living with my pop.” He wants you to concentrate on finishing school and it’s been a struggle balancing things. “Just until you can get a job with your degree.”

You lean against him as his hands wash your body with the sponge. “I can’t ask that of you.” You shake your head, “I- I will find another job. I’ll be okay. I have some savings for the rest of school and I can manage the rent here. I’ll be okay.” You promise, leaning up to kiss his jaw. You know he wants to help but you’re proud and you don’t want him to think you’re with him because you want him to pay for everything. “I- I don’t want you to think I’m taking advantage of you. It’s not like that at all. I- I love you.” You murmur, staring at his chest to avoid those dark eyes.

Javi freezes for a moment, watching you intently as you avoid his gaze. “I know you do, hermosa.” He murmurs quietly after a moment. “You know I love you too. That's why I want to help.”

You cup his cheek, bringing your gaze to his. “I know. I just - I want you to know that this isn’t just sex. I love you. I don’t want your money, I want you.” You murmur, loving how his hands caress you, washing you down, and you grab the body wash so you can wash him too.

“I know that.” Javi scoffs slightly. “You tried to give me free lap dances every night when I came in. Even though you know I’m coming home with you.” He doesn’t allow you to work for free, always paying you. He knows your bosses would have gotten on your ass for that if you did.

You chuckle, “I just wanted to grind on my boyfriend, that’s all.” You put a label on what you are and you pray that doesn’t scare him off but you have gone on dates, slept over at your place, and he’s brought you coffee and drinks. You’d consider it dating. “Now you get all the lap dances for free.”

“I don’t mind that.” He smirks as he looks down at you where you are washing his legs. “If you want, I’ll still tuck bills into your panties.” He jokes, knowing you would never let him do that at home. He winks at you to let you know that he was kidding.

“You can’t afford me, Peña.” You roll your eyes at him playfully, glad you are now both clean and you caress his chest, looking at him while the hot water hits your back. “Can you take me to bed? I want to feel you.” You reach down to wrap your fingers around his semi, wanting to have him inside of you.

Javi groans, just like he does every time that you touch him. “Fuck baby.” He huffs. “Get out and let’s get dried off.” He smirks, reaching out and squeezing your tit gently. “Want to make you feel good and forget all about tonight.”

You nod, getting out of the shower to grab two towels and you dry off, watching him in the mirror as he dries himself. When he walks back into your bedroom, you are laying on the bed waiting for him, “come on Peña and fuck me.” You order, spreading your legs. His display tonight has had you wet since leaving the club.

Javi chuckles and wraps his hand around his cock to pump it as he walks towards the bed. “Rub your clit baby, want to see you get even wetter.” He loves for you to touch yourself in front of him, finding it even more erotic than your dancing.

You follow his order, rubbing your clit, and you moan when you watch him jerk his cock, fully hard as his dark eyes trail over your body. “Fuck baby. You look so good.” You compliment him, loving the small tummy he has and his muscular arms.

“You look better.” He promises, greedily watching you. You huff but it’s true, you look like a fucking sexy goddess. “Always so sexy.” He kneels on the bed and shuffles forward. “Put me in, hermosa.”

You reach down to grip his cock, positioning him at your entrance. He pushes his hips forward and you shift your legs over his hips. He moves onto his elbows, pushing deeper inside of you and you reach up to caress his back. “I love you Jav.” You murmur, kissing his shoulder.

“Love you too.” Javi grunts, turning his head to press his lips to yours. He grabs your hand and laces his fingers with yours. He rocks his hips slightly and groans at the way you tighten around him.

“Fuck baby.” You gasp against his lips, loving how he slowly rocks into you, making you whimper at how deep he gets. Squeezing his hand, you try to meet his thrusts, rocking your hips up into his. “Baby. Oh baby.” You moan, loving the way he stretches you and pulls you apart bit by bit.

“That’s it, baby.” Javi coos, rocking his hips a little faster as he pants. “So good. That tight pussy squeezing me so tight.” He moans, kissing down along your jaw and when he reaches your shoulder, he bites down hard enough to leave his teeth marks, able to mark you now that you aren’t working at the club.

You cry out with pleasure when he bites down on your shoulder, knowing it’s been hard for him to not mark you up when he’s a biter. You love that you can wear his mark now, show the world that you belong to Javier Peña. “Fuck. Do it again.” You beg, rocking your hips up to meet his faster pace. He’s intoxicating and you desperately want him to push you over the edge before he fills you up.

“Fuck, gonna bite all over you.” He promises thickly, his teeth digging into the top of your breast and he ducks his head down even further to bite your nipple. He doesn’t make that one too hard, instead he baths it with his tongue after he bites to soothe it. “Make you see my teeth marks every time you get dressed.”

“Goddamn. I - I really want that.” You admit, shifting beneath him and he hits just the right spot on his next thrust. “Fuck Javi. There. Right there.” You pant and he nods, rocking into you and focusing on that spot. Your neighbors must hate you. Screaming Javi’s name at all hours of the night but you couldn’t help it even if you tried. “Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Javi - oh!” You moan, clamping down on his cock when his pelvis presses against your clit just right.

Instantly, Javi groans, knowing that he won’t last. Not when you are like this. Sex has been incredible between the two of you, your orgasms becoming quicker and more intense with time. He moans out your name as he buries himself deep and fills you up. Shuddering over you and pressing his forehead to your shoulder as he does.

You pant, trying to catch your breath as his cock pulses inside of you. You run your fingers through his hair, loving having him on top of you, and you close your eyes, savoring how he feels, how he sounds. “Love you baby.” You sigh and he murmurs a “love you” into your skin. Lol

****

You are struggling today. The smell of bacon cooking has your stomach rolling and you can barely stand to ask for someone’s order. Deciding to take the night shifts at a diner until you finish school made the most sense, even if Javi had offered multiple times to pay for your apartment. You hadn’t given in, wanting to provide for yourself until you can work in your field. You breathe deeply, taking the order and once you’ve sent it to the kitchen, you rush into the bathroom to throw up. After washing your face and mouth, your eyes widen. “Shit.” You hiss, realizing that you’ve missed your period. You’ll get a test after work. Maybe you’re just exhausted studying for finals.

Javi hums to himself as he glances at the clock. You should be close to getting off work now and he would head up to the diner to wait for you so you can drive home together, you had asked him to not come in. Apparently unsure of getting fired if he hangs out there so Javi had just let himself into your apartment to wait for you.

This shit is getting harder to do. Wait around for you. Or not take things further. For the first time in a long time, Javi didn’t like having space from you. Wanted to talk about moving in together. Maybe even move you out to the ranch. It would be good, you wouldn’t have to pay rent and Javi could sleep in the same bed as you every night.

You finish work, just barely managing it, and you have been nauseous the entire time, unable to even look at the food you’ve been serving. Your boss noticed and asked what’s wrong and after telling her you feel sick, she sent you home. Javi should be coming to pick you up soon and you are nervous. You’d walked to the nearest 24 hour pharmacy, the daylight breaking over the horizon and you bought the test, taking it in the bathroom. It was positive and you’re terrified. The future you worked so hard for hangs in the balance. You don’t think that Javi wants kids. He’s never mentioned it and you know that Lorraine faking her pregnancy must’ve terrified him. You walk back to the diner and stand outside to wait for Javi and that’s when you see her. Lorraine and her family are coming in for breakfast.

“If it isn’t the county whore.” Lorraine’s husband Randy rushes their two kids inside, not wanting the girls to speak to you. “What are you doing in a decent place?” She demands, curling her nose up at you. “Should you be letting those creeps shove dollar bills up your twat at the club?”

You roll your eyes at her words. You haven’t seen her for years and the irony of her showing up the morning you’ve just found out your pregnant isn’t lost on you. “At least they’d pay for me. You couldn’t get a dime.” You retort back, making her wrinkle her nose at you. “Well at least I’m not letting every Tom, Dick and Harry touch me for money.” She hisses and you roll your eyes at her before they widen when you see Javi’s truck pull into the parking lot.

Javi curses under his breath slightly but he doesn’t hesitate to step out of the cab. He shoves his hand through his hair and wonders how this is going to play out as he walks over to the two of you. Instead of pretending he’s not with you, he leans in and kisses your lips. “Hey, you ready?” He asks before he turns towards his ex fiancée. “Lorraine. Come to see your sister at work?” He asks, like it’s a friendly family reunion. He knows she doesn’t talk to you and he subtly slides his hand around your waist. “Too bad she just got off and needs to go home and sleep.”

Lorraine stares for several moments, eyes flicking between you and Javi and you brace yourself. Lorraine has never been able to cope with not getting what she wanted, even if that includes her ex fiancé from years ago. “Are you fucking kidding me?” Lorraine shrieks, “you’re fucking my little sister?”

You shake your head, “adopted, remember?” You are bitter that she essentially ruined your life.

“Jesus Christ Javier. I knew you were trying to fuck your way through the entire town but my sister? Oh my God. Did you…did you- when we-?”

You scoff and roll your eyes, “I was seventeen. It was illegal. Javi never touched me then. He was with you.” You remind her but she shakes her head.

“You always had that stupid crush on him but I figured it would fade. I never - ohhhh, you met her at the strip club, didn’t you? I heard about your affection for whores in Colombia. Guess you wanted to continue the tradition when you got back to Texas.” Lorraine chuckles and you shrink into Javi’s side. She’s always had this way of beating you down and making you feel worthless.

Javi narrows his eyes at Lorraine, he wants to lash out at her but she’s your sister. He doesn’t want to cause more issues than you already have with your family. “She doesn’t work at the club anymore.” He tells her simply. “And you should be proud of her, first and only one from your family to get a college degree.” Lorraine had dropped out in order to plan the wedding that had never happened. As far as he knows, she has never gone back.

Lorraine shakes her head, “a degree she paid for shaking her ass and getting her tits out.”

You snort, “isn’t that what you did to get Randy? You should go inside to your family, Lorraine. It was…nice to see you.” You say despite your blood boiling at her. She fucked up her life, tried to force Javier to marry her, lied about her pregnancy, then went off the rails when Javi stood her up…yet you’re the bad guy.

“Whatever. You deserve each other. I have a great husband and two beautiful girls.” She says defensively.

“Exactly. Go inside and be with them.” Javier demands and Lorraine tilts her chin up and makes her way into the diner.

“Shit.” You huff, turning to look at Javi once she’s inside. “I’m sorry about that. She’s the last person I expected to show up here. She was never a breakfast person.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Javi shakes his head and starts guiding you over to the truck. “She’s just pissed off that she didn’t get to stomp all over you and I’m not hiding away.” He squeezes your hip before he lets go so he can open the door for you to climb into the cab. “Forget about her. How was work?”

You sigh, remembering the test you have shoved in your purse. “It was…it wasn’t great today. All the food…it was making me nauseous.” You have no idea how to tell him, the pregnant test feeling like it weighs a ton in your purse.

“Are you sick?” Javi frowns slightly as he looks over at you, starting up the truck before he backs it out of the parking spot. “We can get you in the bed and I’ll run out to the drugstore. Just tell me what you need.” He wonders if you’ve gotten the virus that’s going around lately. Feeling bad because he had been thinking about fucking you before you went to sleep. Now that was off the table, but he doesn’t care as long as you get some rest.

You bite your lip, struggling to get the words out. “No Javi. I…I - I went and got a test after work. I, uh, it was positive. I’m pregnant.” You tell him, “I didn’t realize it but I skipped a period. I’m so sorry baby. I- shit - I fucked up. My birth control fucked up.” You choke, tears stinging in your eyes.

Javi’s eyes widen and his knuckles grip the steering wheel even tighter. Fear rushes through him, although there’s not an ounce of doubt in his mind. You had demonstrated how much disdain you had for what Lorraine pulled on him. “How- how far along are you?” He manages to choke out, wondering how you feel about it. You’re almost done with your degree and haven’t even had a chance to work in your field, you might not want the baby.

“Maybe 6-8 weeks. I don’t know. I gotta go to the doctor to be sure. I’m so sorry this happened. I didn’t - I swear to you I didn’t do this on purpose. It was an accident. I’m sorry baby.” You choke, tearing stinging in your eyes when you see how he grips the steering wheel.

“It’s- it’s not your fault.” Javi shakes his head, trying to shove down the fear of being a horrible dad. He knows he’s got a lot of shit baggage and could fuck a kid up. “What- uh, what do you want to do?” He asks, looking over at you.

You bite your lip, “I don’t know. I, uh, I live in a studio apartment. I’m about to graduate. I - we aren’t living together or married and I don’t want to force you into that. We didn’t - it’s completely unplanned and we are completely unprepared.” You try to be logical, wanting to point out the reasons why you shouldn’t have this baby.

Javi snorts softly. “I’m sure hundreds of people have babies they aren’t prepared for every year.” He tells you. He shakes his head, “hermosa, I was asking if you wanted to keep it or if you didn’t want the baby. We can work out all the details on everything else, we have at least 7 months.”

You swallow harshly, looking over at Javi. “What do you want?” You ask, imagining a life with Javi, your child running around and adoring their father as much as you do. Chucho being a grandfather and showing them around the ranch. It seems ideal. What you’ve always yearned for since you were a kid. “I want it.” You admit softly, “I want to keep our baby.”

“I was planning on asking you to move in.” Javi confesses. “Out to the ranch, give up your apartment and not have to pay rent or worry about that bill. Plus I’d get to sleep next to you every night.”

You turn to look at him, “really?” You ask and he nods, reaching for your hand to kiss the back of it. “You wanted me to move in?” You ask breathlessly and he nods again. Your answering smile makes his heart jump and you kiss the back of his hand, “I would love that. Waking up in your arms, between your legs.” You wink suggestively, “I want to move in with you.”

Javi breathes out a laugh and nods. “Okay, yeah. Pop will love having you out at the ranch. Especially with you pregnant with his grandchild.” He promises you. He had talked to his dad about it last week, and gotten the older man’s approval.

You nod, unable to stop smiling. Excited and scared for what lies ahead. “I guess I better give my landlord notice.” You tell him and he nods, offering you a wink.

****

“Holy shit.” You pant, barely able to keep yourself upright but Javi wraps his arm around your chest, pulling you back against him as he pushes inside of you. “Fuck baby. So - so good.” Your bump sticks out and you turn your head to kiss his jaw.

“Look at you.” Javi’s other hand cradles your breast, not squeezes but just holding it since your tits are sensitive while you have been pregnant. “So fucking beautiful,” he groans, rocking his hips insistently. The need for you has just increased with you living here and starting to showing.

You moved in with Javi six months ago and your bump has made everyday things harder but Javi has been there every day. His cock pushes deep inside of you, giving you what you need, and you reach behind you to tangle your fingers in his hair. “Fuck baby. So good. Always so fucking good.” You pant and love how he makes sure you’re comfortable and enjoying yourself every time you have sex.

“You feel so good baby.” Javi coos, loving how your bump is getting bigger everyday. He’s seen the ultrasound scans and held your hand during the doctor’s appointments. Cried in the truck after hearing the heartbeat with you for the first time. His hand slides down over your bump to find your clit so he can make sure you cum. “You’re so sexy and I’m the only one who gets to see how sexy you are pregnant.”

“Only you baby. Only you.” You promise, moaning when he rubs your clit just right and his cock pushes deep inside of you. “God, I love you.” You pant, pushed closer to the edge and you whimper when he hits just right inside of you. “Fuck. You’re gonna make me - I’m - shit!” You gasp, tilting your head back onto his shoulder.

“Fuck, that’s it, hermosa. That’s it.” He hisses, gritting his teeth as he works you through your orgasm. “Fuck I love you.” His own hips start to stutter, pace faltering as he pushes towards his own release until he is grinding up into you and panting your name into your ear before biting down on your neck.

You love how he feels when he cums inside of you, his hands gentle when he relaxes and caresses your bump. “Your poor pa having to listen to us go at it all the time.” You giggle and shake your head, shifting to lay down and Javier curls around you, kissing your shoulder.

He snorts. “That man is dead to the world when he sleeps. Besides.” He curls his arm around you and strokes your burgeoning belly. “He’s already telling me I can’t let La Niña be an only child. She needs a hermano to protect her.” He hums, smiling at his father’s nickname for his coming grandchild.

You snort, “one baby at a time, Peña.” You smile and caress his forearm. “I haven’t got this one out yet. She’s kicking.” You hum, knowing he can feel it against his palm. She knows her daddy’s voice by now and you can’t believe you’re here in his arms. You spin around to face him, your bump pressed into his stomach. “I- I know you might say no and there’s - I don’t care if you say no because I understand but…will you marry me?” You ask him softly.

“Damnit.” Javi huffs quietly, frowning at you. “I was going to ask you when you were at your baby shower next week.” He grumbles at you, even though he’s not mad. Leaning in, he brushes his nose against yours and grins. “Where’s my engagement ring? You can’t ask someone to marry them without one.”

You giggle and nod. “I did.” It’s a simple silver band, but it will look good on his finger. “It’s in our closet, in my jewelry box.”

“Oh my god, you actually bought me a ring.” He doesn’t know why but the idea of it makes him emotional and he sits up to reach for you. “You knew I would say yes, huh?” He teases.

You shrug, caressing your bump as he tugs you closer, “we are kind of tied together forever now. What’s making it official?” You giggle, reaching for the box. “I’ll even ask you properly.Javier Fernando Garcia Peña. Will you marry me?” You ask softly, wanting him to know you’re serious.

“Jesus Christ.” Javi shakes his head and leans in. “Of course I’m going to marry you.” He promises before he crushes his lips to yours. Your engagement ring is in the bedside drawer and he reaches behind him to open it so he can grab it while kissing you.

You press your lips to his, pulling back when he presses the box into your hand. You look down, opening the velvet box and your eyes widen, “baby. It’s - it’s beautiful.” You choke, caressing the diamond and you look up at him, “is this your mom’s ring?”

“It is.” Javi nods and bites his lip. His mother had never really cared for Lorraine and he had never given this ring to her but he wants you to wear it. “Can I put it on you? Since I’m going to marry you?” He grins at you happily.

You nod, letting him slide the ring onto your finger and you reach for the box by his knee, deciding to slide his ring onto his finger. “You’re not gonna ask me?” You tease, rubbing his ring with your finger and you admire your own ring. It’s perfect.

Javi huffs at you and picks up your hand, calling your name softly. “I love you. You’ve been here for me since getting back from Colombia and I know there is no one else I love or trust more in this world. I want to be by your side for everything life throws at you.” He murmurs softly. “Will you marry me? Tie me down? Lock me up and throw away the key?”

You smirk, “tie you down? Lock you up and throw away the key, huh? Didn’t know you were that kinky, Peña?” You tease, cupping his cheek with your free hand. “I love you. So much. I want to be your wife. I want to be beside you no matter what life throws at us. I want you. I want our family. I love you so much baby.” You murmur, rubbing his lower lip with your thumb.

“I love you too baby.” Javier promises you, leaning in and kissing you tenderly. “So much.”

****

“It’s okay baby, I have her.” Holding his baby girl is never a problem, grinning at the scrunched face that his one month old daughter is making. Even though he knows that’s her ‘pooping face’, he’s still enamored with her since holding your hand as you screamed and pushed her into the world. “You pick out better fruit than I do.” He trails along behind you as you wheel the shopping cart through the doors, bouncing her slightly in his arms and swaying as she continues to make faces and grunts. The diaper bag is on his shoulder and anyone who has ever known Javier Peña would be shocked at how naturally he had taken to fatherhood.

“Has anyone ever told you how sexy you look as a father?” You ask him as you walk towards the fresh produce.

Javier smirks, “only you. Every day.”

You chuckle and shrug one shoulder, “only two more weeks until I’m cleared, baby.” You remind him and he nods, “oh I’m counting the days.” He promises, knowing you need him as much as he needs you but he wants you to be healthy and safe to do so. Maria fusses in his arms and he rocks her while you focus on picking out some fruit. Chucho likes bananas so you inspect them and put a bunch in the cart.

For some reason, your instinct tells you to look up and when you do, your eyes meet Lorraine’s, her eyes flicking between you and Javier holding your baby. She narrows her eyes and walks over, “so you finally trapped him then?” She says, her eyes flicking down to your wedding rings.

“No. I didn’t trap him. I’m not like you, Lorraine.” You sigh, honestly over the past. You are married, you have a daughter you adore and a husband that you love deeply and you don’t want to keep rehashing the past. “This is Maria. Your niece.” You announce, stepping closer to Javier so Lorraine can see the baby's face.

She swallows harshly, regret in her eyes but neither you nor Javi have any malice towards her now. “If you want to come over and meet her properly, you’re welcome to.” Javi offers her and she shakes her head, “no. No. I, uh, I won’t intrude. Con-congratulations.” She stammers and fumbles to turn around and wheel her cart off in a hurry.

You sigh, turning back towards Javier, “well, we tried.” You murmur and he nods, reaching out to rub your shoulder.

“She will come around eventually. I want Maria to have a family that loves her, not resenting her. She still needs to meet Steve and Connie.” Javier says and you know he’s right. It’s been hard to have Maria without your adopted parents or sister but you know you’ll be able to do anything with Javi and Chucho by your side.

“The funny thing is…I’ve forgiven her for everything because if she hadn’t fucked up, we would’ve never got together and had Maria.” You tell him and he nods, “exactly. We wouldn’t have our family. I love you.” Javi murmurs, not wanting to announce it to the entire produce section.

You smile softly, reaching up to cup his cheek and you chuckle at the soft blush that appears, “I love you too. Come on, your dad wants that special bran cereal that always seems to sell out. Who the hell in this town eats bran cereal except your dad?” You snort and push the cart.

Javi chuckles, following behind you with Maria in his arms and she snuggles into his chest, falling asleep. His eyes trace along your back and down to your ass and you stride through the grocery store and Javi thinks to himself, “I’ll follow her to the ends of the earth and back.”

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