#Captain Robau

[stra-tek]

Facts about Captain Robau

This was a long-running thread on TrekBBS in 2008-2009, a riff on the "Facts about Chuck Norris" meme. And it had some gems (thanks to all TrekBBS members who participated):

The Kelvin's shields aren't for keeping weapons out... they're for keeping Robau in.

There are only two things that can cut diamonds: other diamonds, and Captain Robau.

Spock is constantly shouting in "The Cage" because he can't hear his own voice over the sound of how awesome Captain Robau is.

Sisko and Picard are arent really bald. They just want to be like Captain Robau

The Kelvin doesn't need two warp nacelles to create a symmetrical warp field. Captain Robau simply wills it to happen.

That God head thing in Star Trek V wasn't exiled to the center of the galaxy he went to hide from Captain Robau

That Borg didn't open a gateway to fluidic space to assimilate species 8472 they did to get away from Captain Robau

Captain Robau doesn't sleep. He waits.

Captain Robau doesn't use the transporter. He just leaps down to the surface.

The new Enterprise is being built on the ground because Captain Robau plans to lift it into orbit

Captain Robau can kill two stones with one bird.

When Capt. Robau was born, the only one in the room crying was the Doctor. Never slap Capt. Robau.

Captain Robau does simply walk into Mordor.

Captain Robau doesn't do pushups. He pushed the planet down and then pulls it back up.

In space, Captain Robau can hear you scream.

Captain Robau is hung like a Horsehead Nebula.

Captain Robau once used a crowbar to destroy Ceti Alpha VI. That crowbar later found its way to Black Mesa.

Captain Robau is immune to entropy.

When Captain Robau makes love, he causes a quantum singularity.

Captain Robau's bald scalp is considered an aphrodisiac in...oh, what's that place called? OH. Right.

The universe.

Zod kneels before Robau.

Captain Robau got drunk one night and relieved himself out in the desert. The spot in the desert is now known as the Grand Canyon.

Captain Robau CAN beam through raised shields.

A supernova didn't destroy Romulus, Robau did!

Robau doesn't wear sun screen. The Sun wears Robau screen.

The Great Bird of the Galaxy is the name given to Captain Robau's cock.

Captain Robau was deeply surprised that in VOY: “Threshold” everyone who went at warp 10 didn’t evolve into him. Then he realised, even at their most evolved potential, the Voyager crew are no match for Captain Robau.

Captain Robau never went to Starfleet Academy. He just showed up one day and flew the Kelvin out of spacedock. No one had the balls to question him.

Captain Robau decided to take up pottery one day. He named the result The Guardian of Forever.

Captain Robau told Pluto to fuck off and stop being a planet. It did.

Q used to have a proper name but Captain Robau slapped him so hard he forgot it.

The great barrier exists to protect the other galaxies from Captain Robau.

Stardate 0000.1 was the moment Captain Robau was born.

Sha Ka Ree is Vulcan for Captain Robau.

What does Captain Robau use for a condom?

SPACEDOCK.

[hjbirthdaywishes]

February 16, 2023

Happy 60 Birthday to Faran Tahir. 

[tfg5]

[jennelikejennay]

I'm writing another AOS fic (WHY?!) and that means it's time for another

✨ plot hole rant ✨

To me, the part of the first movie that makes the least sense is Pike going over to the Narada. For so many reasons.

1. If Nero wanted a random Starfleet captain in order to get information on Earth's defenses, he wouldn't have shot up every ship that showed up in Vulcan's orbit. He'd have destroyed all but one, and then demanded or just captured the captain of that ship. He didn't know the Enterprise was going to be warping in five minutes later! He would naturally think that was the whole fleet.

2. If he did, Pike would have no reason to agree. First, he wrote his dissertation on this, he knows that's what Robau did and that Robau got killed and it didn't save the Kelvin. Just a general rule of thumb, if your enemy really wants something, don't give it to them. It was the ONE thing they could have denied Nero, and he gives it up.

3. Okay, so let's say it was absolutely necessary to provide cover for Kirk and Sulu's space jump. That still doesn't mean he actually has to give himself up when he gets there. He could have rammed, self destructed, come out shooting, anything else.

4. It's also incredibly stupid to have single factor authentication on your entire planetary defense grid, and then go ahead and store the password inside the head of EVERY captain. Some captains are chumps! They get captured sometimes! This is not a secure place to keep the data which ten billion lives rely on! It would make more sense to require human confirmation at the very least. A dude who can look out the window and go "yeah I see that you look like the Enterprise, as well as having the right 1000-digit transponder codes for today" before taking the shields down.

5. If you DID have a system like that, it would become that more vital not to give up your captain to anyone, for any reason. Captains are taught to resist torture, but nothing's perfect. This is cyanide-pill-in-your-cheek level hot information. For Pike to give himself up, knowing he's got the key to Earth's defenses in his mind, is incredibly irresponsible. Especially given he can SEE this guy is actively drilling holes in a different planet.

6. Also it does really make you wonder what Vulcan's planetary defenses are like. Even if they were dumb enough to have it all running on a single password, Vulcans can resist the mind sifter so I'd bet on them over a Ceti eel or whatever. Plus if there were an encounter like that, that would have given them time to send a subspace message like DON'T WARP OVER HERE WITH YOUR SHIELDS DOWN or something, just a thought. But really I don't think it occurred to the writers that planets other than Earth have defenses, because the movie does not treat Vulcan like a real planet. Vulcans are pacifists who carry a big stick, they'd have defenses.

This has been my rant for the day. I just can't believe the Earth defenses have less robust security than I need to log into zoom. Really, a freaking miracle nobody blew it up before.

[maklodes]

One thing I find amusing to imagine in Star Trek is that almost every species that is a member of, or in contact with, the Federation independently discovered the warp drive on its own.* (After all, the Federation generally regards contact with pre-warp species as a violation of the Prime Directive.) Since warp drives are, by our standards, impossibly advanced technology, that basically means that all species not only discovered warp drives on their own, but they also discovered basically everything leading up to warp drives: Newtonian physics of course, quantum mechanics, relativity, all of the mathematics describing all that, whatever crazy material science stuff leads to warp coils etc.

So not only is the valorization of Zephram Cochrane as the inventor of the warp drive just human parochialism (every species has one of those!), but every species also has its own equivalents of Planck, Einstein, Gauss, Euler,  etc, as well. (Okay, not exact equivalents, necessarily. The Bolian photoelectric effect guy needn’t be the same as the Bolian special relativity guy, and maybe in some species some of Lorentz’s discoveries, Poincaré’s discoveries, and/or Einstein’s discoveries were made by the same guy, but still it’s a pretty safe bet that such equivalencies do exist at some level.) 

I imagine conversations among different scientists/engineers of different species:

Human scientist: One barrier to the speed and efficiency of early starships is that  when Zephram Cochrane invented the warp drive…

Vulcan engineer: (sotto voce to a Vulcan associate) Zephram Cochrane was the humans’ equivalent of Sarmok and T’Pran.

Human scientist: … he didn’t have anything like modern duotronic computers, so he made some simplifying assumptions about plasma flow over warp coils, using a pre-existing computational magnetohydrodynamics model based on combining Maxwell’s equations with the Navier-Stokes equation…

Visiting Klingon scientist: Navier-Stokes equation?

Vulcan engineer: (quickly types something into a PADD) Klingons would know it as…  the Tensor of Gwartok the Honorless.

Visiting Klingon scientist: Ah yes, Gwartok’s Tensor. Thank you and sorry to interrupt.

Human scientist: … pardon me, but Gwartok the Honorless?

Visiting Klingon scientist: (sighs) There was an incident early in Gwartok’s life when there was only one open tenure track position. Another postdoc challenged Gwartok to a Bat’leth duel for it. Gwartok never showed up. He said he forgot about it  because he was distracted by thinking about a vexing fluid mechanics problem. Many thought he was an honorless coward.

Vulcan engineer: Fascinating.

Visiting Klingon scientist: … one thing Klingon scientists learn to accept is that it's the macho warrior clan guys who have the political authority, and who appoint the censorship boards which can edit our textbooks. We don’t always get to pick the epithets they assign to past scientists, but at least we still get to use their equations. (Sotto voce to herself) I think I’ll look up Maxwell’s Equations on my own.

One possibility is that universal translators just translate terminology based on specific names into the equivalent for the appropriate species. Although that could lead to its own problems:

Betazoid: After Zephram Cochrane’s first successful warp, when we were contacted by Captain Robau of the USS Kelvin, as a species we mostly put aside our ancient...

Human: After Zephram Cochrane’s first successful warp? Okay, I guess this would have taken place after that, but did you really mean..

Betazoid: (fidgets with combadge in irritation) Right. I really meant our species’ inventor of the warp drive, Lwaxana Hoitrax. You heard Zephram Cochrane though, right?

Human: Yes.

Betazoid: I guess the main clause of my thought about species unification and all that jazz was interpreted as being broadly applicable to warp drive inventions and first warps in general so it got translated into “Zephram Cochrane” for a human, but my secondary clause about Captain Robau and the Kelvin was too specific and particular to our history to get translated into a universal equivalent. I didn’t know I was going to add that secondary clause until I had already started saying my main clause, so the translator got caught off-guard, so to speak.

* There may be a few exceptions to the “Federation members/contacts all discovered warp drives on their own” rule. Like, if a pre-warp species gets conquered by the Cardassians, and thus gets coercively inducted into the warp-enabled galactic community without independently discovering warp drives, then the Cardassians attack the Federation and lose a war, being forced to cede some peripheral territories (including the conquered species) in the peace treaty, then the conquered species might regain independence, then decide to pursue Federation membership. 

[best-star-trek-character]

Official AOS Character Bracket!

And here’s the final bracket! Round One will go live tomorrow, 7/24 at 10 am EST!

Full List:

Round One:

Left Side:

Admiral Alexander Marcus vs. Chief Engineer Olson: poll here

Kalara vs. Keenser: poll here

Ayel vs. Ben Sulu: poll here

Khan vs. Captain Christopher Pike: poll here

Krall vs. Nero: poll here

Nyota Uhura vs. Commodore Paris: poll here

Montgomery Scott vs. Dr. Carol Marcus: poll here

Hikaru Sulu vs. Thomas Harewood: poll here

Right Side:

Pavel Chekov vs. Sarek: poll here

Spock vs. Demora Sulu: poll here

Amanda Grayson vs. Kevin: poll here

Winona Kirk vs. Manas: poll here

Captain Jim Kirk vs. Ambassador Spock: poll here

George Kirk vs. Jaylah: poll here

Dr. Leonard McCoy vs. Syl: poll here

Gaila vs. Captain Richard Robau: poll here

Round Two:

Left Side:

Chief Engineer Olson vs. Keenser: poll here

Ben Sulu vs. Captain Christopher Pike: poll here

Nero vs. Nyota Uhura: poll here

Montgomery Scott vs. Hikaru Sulu: poll here

Right Side

Pavel Chekov vs. Spock: poll here

Amanda Grayson vs. Winona Kirk: poll here

Ambassador Spock vs. Jaylah: poll here

Dr. Leonard McCoy vs. Gaila: poll here

Quarter-Finals:

Left Side:

Keenser vs. Captain Christopher Pike: poll here

Nyota Uhura vs. Hikaru Sulu: poll here

Right Side:

Spock vs. Amanda Grayson: poll here

Ambassador Spock vs. Dr. Leonard McCoy: poll here

[olivrsm]

[curator-on-ao3]

I hereby request Star Trek Discovery show us prime universe Richard Robau.

For science.

[hakka84]

Random thoughts on Tarsus IV

As I was writing down a post-Tarsus drabble on the wake of this post, I came up with some questions and facts about Tarsus that canon (and even non-canon material) haven’t answered or addressed.

Behind a cut so I can add more if they come to mind (I’ll had a note with the update date in case).

Please reblog this post with your own answers, questions, musings and headcanons. I want your opinion on this!

Why was Kirk on Tarsus? How come he was living on this planet in the middle of nowhere? And for how long had he been there? Was there for some kind of exchange? Some school trip?

How about his family? Was he alone? I recall a mention on Memory Beta of a book that had him and George on Tarsus but that’s all it’s said on MB. Was he staying at some relatives? Was he there for a scholarship so was staying at some accommodations with other teens? Did he knew someone there? Did he have friends?

Speaking of George and Winona... With Star Trek 2009 canonizing George Kirk as Starfleet Officer in a way that predates the split, so making it canon for the main timeline as well... just picture the pain, the dread, the anguish of a man who suddenly discovers the planet where his second son is staying at has just sent a distress signal. And being unable to do anything about it. Imagine him being on a ship that’s on the other side of the Federation, so he can’t do what a parent would do in such a situation, namely rush to the place to save his child. Imagine if Stafleet initially issue a secrecy order to not cause any sort of panic, so Winona knows nothing and George is torn between violating a direct order of secrecy to inform Winona, or keep everything to himself and feeling bad at not telling Winona (and not being able to turn to her for comfort). Imagine him trying to get ahold of every contact in Starfleet he has, the desperate plead to a friend (or a friend of a friend) who’s aboard one of the ships heading to Tarsus IV, begging them to look out for his boy. The helplessness, the hours, the days waiting for any news, not knowing if his boy is fine. The instinct crying for him to go and hijack the ship, his career be damned, and head it to Tarsus IV and not doing it just because in a moment of lucidity he understands it would be in vain - they‘re too far away. Imagine him still the first officer to Robau, and the captain - and friend - pulling every string he can to get some fresh info from fellow captains. And then Robau sitting down with George, doing what he can to comfort his friend and, all the while, making sure George doesn’t do something stupid to jeopardize his own career, taking additional shifts to avoid George having the conn, distracted and distressed as he is but unwilling to accept medical leave because he doesn’t want to stay in his quarters anguishing. And then the horror, when the first accounts of what happened on the planet start to spread on the senior officer’s channels (it’s something too big to keep an info embargo IMHO, at least between commanders and above). And hours before someone reaches out to him to say that James Kirk is accounted for. And then the adrenaline rush that kept him awake vanish. And he’s lost and tired and doesn’t know what to expect from now on. Forced to leave by the medical officer for his own good, hours laying on the bed unable to sleep, wondering how long it’ll take Starfleet to grant him leave, and when Jim will return to Earth, if he’ll manage to get there before Jim arrives so he and Winona might be both there for him. And then obsessing over the info coming from the task force sent to Tarsus, reading all reports he can get his hands on, and vomiting at the very idea of what Jim could have witnessed, how broken and traumatized his boy will be. (not so say Winona wouldn’t be desperate the same, but an officer would have firsthand news that perhaps the public wouldn’t be privy off)

Why does it take Starfleet/the Federation so much to intervene? Is Tarsus IV so far from any route that there’s no time for any ship to reach the colony in time with some emergency supply? 8000 people. It’s basically a small town, an Evergreen-sized ship would be enough to bring food to keep a colony alive for few days, especially because there was food enough - Kodos just elected to kill one half of the population so to double the chances of survival on the little food they had left. Did the colony government wait for all their food to rot before they sent the emergency distress? (that’s why I always welcomed any fancanon, mine included, in which there is a turf war happening, and/or communications are down and alarm is sent too late) [It seems Discovery novel Drastic Measures addresses this massive plothole, according to Trekcover review of the book]

How much time elapsed between the killing orders and the arrive of the aids We know that aids arrived earlier than expected so it turned out Kodos extreme measure was pointless. But did the 4000 who lived had the “chance” to live some time on the rationed food or the blood spilled was really, really worthless?

Was Kirk in the “to live” list, or was he deemed unworthy? If he had been selected as worthy, how does he feels about it? Does he wakes up in the middle of the night feeling guilty for the people who were sent to die, for the food he got at the expenses of someone else? If he were sent to die, how did he survive? How he saved himself? Does he have survivor’s guilt because he made while 4000 people didn’t?

Did Kirk know the other survivors before the crisis? And if not, how they met? Did they bond during the crisis or after it as survivors?

How come, of 4000 survivors, only nine could identify Kodos? Memory Beta doesn’t tell if this is something addressed in the Discovery novel or was mentioned in other material. Anyway, beta-canon states that Kodos has people who can recognize him gets sorted into the “less necessary” but there might be guards and loyalists who know him. Do we have to believe that every loyalist was killed? The novel addresses a revolution so yes, there are battles and body counts. But, seriously, only 9 people?

How come Kirk and other 9 people, some of them children, know Kodos face then? If adults don’t know about him, how Kirk - who was a teen - does? And Riley, who was even half KIrk’s age? Let’s pretend Kodos governed by voice alone, an obscure bureaucrat that stages a coup in the middle of a crisis and rules without making any public apparition (it’s 2022 and, frankly, it already sounds unreal now) but... still... why children? (The Discovery novel addresses this too, at least on Kirk’s part)

[ship-o-rama]

Name: U.S.S. Kelvin

Registry: NCC-0514

Affiliation: Starfleet

Year: 2233

Captain: Richard Robau, George Kirk

Background: Near the Klingon border when an unknown ship emerged from a black hole and immediately opened fire on them. They took heavy damage from the opening salvos and their own fire did little to no damage to the alien ship. The alien captain demanded Captain Robau travel to their ship. Robau left Commander George Kirk in charge an also ordered evacuations to be readied in case things went bad. Not long after he shuttled over the captain’s lifesigns terminated and the alien ship resumed their fire. everyone that could escape in shuttles and pods did so (including Kirk’s wife, who was in labour), with Kirk staying on the bridge to pilot Kelvin into a collision course with the attacker. Kirk got to hear his newborn son cry right before Kelvin smashed into the other ship. His act crippled the alien ship and allowed the shuttles to escape.

Appeared in the IDW Comics adaption of Star Trek 2009

[defconprime]

Rittenhouse Star Trek 2009 trading card number 8, USS Kelvin Captain Robau, 2009.

[stra-tek]

“All glory comes from daring to begin.” - the dedication plaque for the USS Kelvin NCC-0514. Not sure if the number was wrong on-set or just in this picture from the Star Trek Encyclopdia

[hjbirthdaywishes]

February 16, 2022

Happy 59 Birthday to Faran Tahir. 

[thefandomgamesrebootcaesar]

Caesar Flickerman Interviews Captain Richard Robau

So, Captain Robau, it’s been a while. How do you feel about being thrust back into the Arena after so long?

[thefandomgamesrebooteffie]

The First Day

Oh. Oh, OK. I’ve never done one of these commentaries. Let’s see how this works.

So. Niobe avoided Rose in the Arena, teamed up with Alex, and went to the Thornton Cemetery in the Second and Third Games section of the Arena.

Speaking of Rose Tyler, she ended up in an abandoned house in the First Games section of the Arena.

Caesar made it out of the Cornucopia safely. But where is he? Caesar? Caesar?! Where are you? He can’t here me.

The Painter twins (are they still twins even though one died as a child and the other grew up?) and the Tooth Child are in their old hideout near the quarry in the Ninth Games section of the Arena.

Captain Robau also ended up in the Second and Third Games section of the Arena, this time at Castle Finster.

It seems everyone is going to the Second and Third Games section. The Eighth Doctor went to the Drew home, and holistic assassin Bart seems to be stalking her prey in the general vicinity.

I hope I did this right.

This has been a commentary from Effie Trinket. May the Odds be Ever in Your Favor.

[best-star-trek-character]

AOS Round One