#Can you tell I'm obsessing BC I'm obsessing
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BANG CHAN'S INTERVIEW FOR HARPER'S BAZAAR KOREA
translation © channie_says
Q: with HOP you have achieved your 6th consecutive debut at No.1 billboard US chart in the first week of release. Billboard charts and the album sales can be important but as the leader of the team and a producer, Bang Chan, I wonder if there are other ways to measure the success. What else do Stray Kids need to show next?
BC: "it's yet to happen" "we have a long way to go" is what I usually say when people around me tell me that we have grown so big.
I even hear things like "stop being humble, you don't need to do that anymore" but I couldn't do that. Success is a thing that is still far from us. We'll keep on running. Our direction is decided but the destination is still unknown. The goal that everyone knows, I'm curious about what's next/beyond that. We want to go till there.
Q: Stray Kids is like the personification of energy to me. Not only in the songs and performances of each of you but also the growth since your debut till now. You have reached here by taking one step at a time and running without resting. What is the source of your energy?
BC: if you observe every member, you'll see that everyone has something burning inside them. That hot ember burns vigorously when we are on stage. STAY also fuels it continuously. (laughs) Honestly the flames can get weaker as time passes by, but if a flame dies out in our team then it gets reignited quickly because there are 7 remaining flames! We're busy keeping each other warm.
Q: what form does straykids' pride take?
BC: it might be cringy but I think loving the members and being understanding towards each other. I really think of us as real brothers.
Q: is it closer to friendship than teamwork?
BC: Uhm, it's love more than friendship. Should say, if teamwork can be consciously matched, for us it just comes from the heart.
That's why we can understand (each other) even if we make mistakes, and want to evolve with each other. I think that's the most important thing. Sometimes i wonder too, how can we be like this.
Q: do you have an answer to that?
BC: recently I thought "shouldn't we be a little more mature" but then another part of me was like "do we really need to, tho". When we are together we're still like kids in their teens because we're too busy constantly teasing each other. As the oldest, I get subjected to it the most. It's really childish but I like that childishness. That's how real friends are. Forcefully pretending to be mature according to your biological age is boring. In the future too, we'll keep being childish like we are.
Q: maybe the answer could just be that you all haven't grown up but leader Bang Chan seems to have a really heavy burden on his shoulders. What sense of duty does Bang Chan feel now?
BC: I don't know if l am doing well as a leader. Since i don't know, I'm working harder to do better. I have to produce too, and take care of the members too...the pressure is a lot. It's an obsession. I'm trying to accept it these days. even if the members' emotional state synchronizes, there's times that I pretend to not know/ notice it. If I see it then I would want to fix it and take care of the members but that's my obsession and everyone is an adult.
They might not even like it if I step in. I'm trying to consciously put "members can do well on their own" in my head. It's gotten really better if I compare it to when we debuted (laughs).
Q: Your nickname is 'bangbeoji' (bangfather) right? That sounds like a problem my dad who has raised children might have (laughs). Were you a strict leader during your trainee days?
BC: l feel really sorry about treating the members coldly back then. My trainee life was really long, I was the only one left as all my close friends debuted, left, new ones came, and left again....after going through such situations repeatedly, my personality changed drastically. I didn't wanna get hurt anymore so I decided that I wouldn't get closer to anyone. It was the darkest time of my life. l was worrying thinking 'now what will happen with my life' and that's when the members appeared in front of me.
Q: you're really strict with yourself, aren't you?
BC: I'm the type to point out and worry about the smallest things that don't even matter. When I watch back our performances, I always think "why did i do it like that" and I'm almost never satisfied with myself but what will I do if I only like myself. It's good if I like others too. I can't become a self-centered person.
On top of that, music/songs doesn't have an answer. Even while producing I try my best and work hard and make constant improvements based on the reactions that I saw while letting people listen to it, that's the type of person am. I haven't lived long but while living I have found that there's a lot of people I'm grateful for. Company employees, members, family, friends... I want to thank them all.
To do that, I think it's really important to make a result that will satisfy everyone a little more.
Q: we wanna know Bang Chan's playlist.
BC: honestly from the position of someone who has to continuously make songs, it's hard to listen to others' songs. I always end up listening with intent. These days I enjoy listening to sounds from the outside. Sounds of the city, car sounds, sounds of kids running around and playing in the playground.
Q: are you gonna end up wearing a bucket (on your head) later like ryuichi sakamoto? (laughs)
BC: I have even done things like that in the past like just tapping my elbow with a microphone and carefulylistening to the sound it makes. Since I arrange the songs myself, that's why I wonder if there are any unique sounds.
Q: the things bangchan is thinking of these days, feeling these days too, those will come out in the world as your work someday, right? with that, I'm curious of what you're feeling these days and what has been on your mind recently.
BC: what were my inner thoughts recently... (musing out loud) uhm...I'm feeling 'confused'
Q: I expected it to be 'excited like a kid' or 'calm like a saint' but that was unexpected.
BC: these days I'm very confused internally but didn't wanna let that confusion out, I hate to influence other people with negativity for no reason. For this feeling to calm down, I have found that the way is maintaining a calm state. I think the members say "eh? why is that hyung like this these days" after seeing that. (laughs)
Q: that's why you also have started boxing in the new year?
BC: when l took my first lesson, I felt really good. It felt good to focus on something without any useless thoughts for 1 hour. Boxing really feels like meditation to me.
Q: what's making Bang Chan confused?
BC: the fact that people are all different. Really different. I knew it already but it came to me like a new thing. This person is like this, that person is like that. I can't fix them, and there's no need to fix them so I not understand it? No, but still I should... that's what it's like inside my head these days.
Q: you described it as "confusion" but Bang Chan right now seems to be in the middle of putting a lot of effort into understanding the world or people no matter what.
BC: I feel like I came here for mental counseling (laughs). Yes, you're right. As I said I'm not really a self-centered person but still I'm trying to live for myself these days.
Q: you set foot in the entertainment industry at a really young age, leaving your home, austrailia. if we count your trainee years too then it has been 15 years. What keeps you grounded when you feel shaken?
BC: the members. I don't want to become a person they feel ashamed of. I want to hear the members say things like "that hyung is genuine" "that hyung is cool" the most. I'm really childish. (laughs)
Q: l got a hint from"that hyung is genuine". It's said that psychologically, the compliment that makes a person the happiest tells about what they think of as the most valuable thing in their life.
BC: me and the members aren't very expressive/good at expressing ourselves. I don't know what they think but I want to be a reliable and trustable hyung to the kids. I think I might have the need to feel acknowledged a little after all.
Q: if you look at the things you've done till now, it doesn't feel like success came to you really quick but you're still very young. What kind of adult/man do you want to become?
BC: first of all, I wanna be with the members for a long time. I think it'd be really funny to become grandfathers (old men) and say "it was like that back in the days" but honestly I feel like I'm always stuck at 25.
Q: you're forever 25.
BC: yes, I want to keep on living as a 25 year old but reporter-nim*, what does growing up even mean? *joking*
Q: from our conversation today, it seems like you're in the midst of that process Bang Chan-ssi. Accepting things you can't change, knowing how to let go, listening carefully to other people's opinions. On top of that, you said earlier that you are confused in the process of trying to understand others' world, that's essential.
BC: it's not something that happens naturally? then I might really be growing up (laughs)
*reporter felt weird without a "nim" and there isn't really another way to make it sound respectful and not monotoned because ENGLISH FUCKING SUCKS but anyway (translator's note)
#I LOVE HIM AN ABNORMAL AMOUNT i'm so serious#also thank you admin of channie says i owe you my life
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。☆TTYL XOXO。.゚+
。☆Tim Drake headcanons + SMAU
。☆Cw: no pronouns, no use of y/n, mention of stalking, civilian reader
˗ˏ★First of all, he's a shit typer. He's typing while barely looking at the screen most of the time, but muscle memory allows his typing to still be mostly coherent
˗ˏ★What he chooses to abbreviate or to actually spell out is in God's hands, he definitely isn't thinking about word choice
˗ˏ★Also a lot more blunt over text. Most of the time he's in the middle of something and lowk rushing to reply (╥﹏╥)
˗ˏ★Sends memes and tiktoks all the time. It's his love language 🩷🩷
˗ˏ★Such a "this is us" "is this us" "this reminds me of us" type of guy lol. It can be two balls of trash rolling down the street and he'll be like "me n u on a walk<33"
˗ˏ★He loves when you send stuff like that back. It makes him feel all warm inside
˗ˏ★Only says I love you over text. He's working on it, but the only person he knows that casually says ily is Dink
˗ˏ★A huge workaholic, whether we're talking about WE or vigilante activities. His work/life balance is almost as bad as Bruce's
˗ˏ★Denies his weird and obsessive habits for plausible deniability lmao
˗ˏ★Sneaks into your house with dubious consent, but he (almost) always tells you when he's done it
˗ˏ★Always up late bc of his vigilante activities so finding lovey dovey texts sent to you between like 3-6am is pretty regular
˗ˏ★Will NOT acknowledge them in person tho. That's way too vulnerable for him, and the reason you only ever get those texts when his inhibitions are lowered
˗ˏ★Accidentally cropped the last one wrong but you get the gist so it's fine ( ╹▽╹ )
˗ˏ★I'm a Tim doesn't like coffee truther soooo....
˗ˏ★Constantly texting you during boring WE meetings. He doesn't even hide it either. The other rich guys there will be like "Mr.Drake-Wayne sir?? 😟☝🏾 Is everything okay you've been on your phone this whole time😕!" And he'll be like "yeah everything's fine thanks😐" without even looking up
˗ˏ★You don't know he does this fyi, you just assume he has a lot of free time since he's CEO
I did nawt think this was gonna be the first Batfam thing I posted, I have a bunch more in my drafts, but here we are lol. Come hop into my askbox, I don't bite /ᐠ。ꞈ。ᐟ\
。☆Requests open
#˗ˏˋ ★ venus writes ★ ˎˊ˗#tim drake x reader#tim drake x you#tim drake x male reader#tim drake x fem!reader#tim drake x y/n#nonbinary reader#gender neutral reader#gender neutral y/n#tim x reader#dc smau#batman smau#tim drake smau#batfam smau#˗ˏˋ ★ batfam ★ ˎˊ˗
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Did you know that "video killed the radio star" was actually written about that one case in ace attorney where a radio gets presented with a video tape and freaks out and threatens to kill the guy who hired him
#its absolutely true#Ace attorney#De killer#Matt Engarde#Justice for all#Justice for all spoilers#aa#Phoenix Wright#Adrian Andrews#Video killed the radio star#Musings#Can you tell I'm obsessing BC I'm obsessing
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❝I just want to spend some alone time with you at the place we first met.❞
FIRST KANAPHAN as KANT PATTANAWAT and KHAOTUNG THANAWAT as BISON episode 6 of THE HEART KILLERS
#the heart killers#the heart killers the series#first kanaphan#khaotung thanawat#firstkhao#firstkhaotung#kantbison#gmmtv series#gmmtv bl#thai bl#mlm#thkedit#th: the heart killers#bibi gifs#userrlana#tusermona#tuserhidden#tuserrowan#yeah...#kisses in the back of the neck does things to you#i felt that#can you tell i'm obsessed with this ep?#i feel like i could gif every scene bc it was such a fun yet heartbreaking episode
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What if we fell in love and you died LMAOOO what then
#joke of the century fr#the real what if is like what if I made a little prologue comic for bloodlines to show the night when pepper died#jk there's no what if I'm already doing it HAHA#and NONE of you can stop me 🔫#sleep.txt#sketch tag#only I can stop MYSELF#fr tho. if I may be fr for a sec#I've written an outline just to see what the story would be like if I were to do like. the entire story of the game#the vincent & pepper TM version of the story ofc which deviates a bit from canon#and uh. the outline is over 30 pages long#and I've come to the conclusion there would be about 30 chapters#if I were to cover the entire game#and yk I'm insane bc I looked at the finished outline and went 'well it's not even that long'#LIKE BRO#is my little character obsession worth starting a 30 chapters comic. is it.#I'm genuinely wondering#bc ON ONE HAND#I'd definitely improve on my comic skills & writing skills(especially writing dialogue and structuring a story and chapters)#and probably improve a lot on my art also bc of so many different scenarios I'd be drawing#but on the other hand.#it IS 30 chapters. like. I feel like I'm delusional rn#honestly I should probably just get the prologue done first and Then we'll see fnsjjcnfncn#no way to tell how fast or slow this would be until I finish this part first
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GQ | Taylor Zakhar Perez & Nicholas Galitzine Take a Friendship Quiz
Can you name the last five presidents?
bonus: Taylor giving Nick a hint about the last president
#red white and royal blue#nicholas galitzine#taylor zakhar perez#rwrb#gq interview#friendship quiz#gq video#alex claremont diaz#henry mountchristen windsor#firstprince#my gifs.#my edits.#the way nick is like practically vibrating bc he knows the answer!! hes just blanking on the name#and then taylor giving him hints and ngl the clinton voice was spot on#can you tell i'm obsessed with this interview? btw theres like 6 more gifsets i've got planned from this video
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me: we gotta get you coasters
kara, to dragon age: WELL WHERE'S YOUR FUCKIN STUFF-SELLER!!
me, misunderstanding: uh. well. I mean. I don't know if that'd work? my dad bought these coasters in Greece in the 80s so?
kara: I bet I could find them.
me: GOOD LUCK, they were made by some guy named thanos in greece. that's all it says on the back. made by thanos.
kara, on ebay 5 seconds later, on a listing of the vintage greek coasters from my childhood: I Found Your Fuckin Stuff-Seller >:3
#kara: you have to tell the internet#I AM TELLING THE INTERNET#KARA CAN FIND ANYTHING ON THE INTERNET#yes we bought them#two of them are the same pattern/color as ones we used to have that broke#the others are similar patterns in different colors#but I'm SO EXCITED I only have 3 from the original set#I was always obsessed with them growing up bc they look liked stained glass windows#and I was like pLEASE CAN I TAKE THESE when I moved out#now we're gonna have more!!#meyerlansky
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Thinking about indie music artist logan and drummer in big well known band lando
Yapping outside of the tags this time 😼:
- Lando watches from back stage because too many people would recognise him at the random ass music gig Logan got
- Logan refuses to get any explicit help from Lando because even though he could get sponsored/funded millions, it just wouldn't be right
- Logan plays the guitar (acoustic or electric?) and a little bit of the keyboard
- Logan doesn't usually sing in his own songs because he's too embarrassed, Lando thinks his voice is beautiful
- Logan collabs often with other small music artists because he needs a someone to sing the lyrics
- would Lando take Logan on his tours and stuff? Busy schedules so maybe they're long distance half the time too? Maybe Lando can't make it to a lot of Logan's gigs but when he does Logan becomes so much more confident
- Ugh idk who to have in Lando's band! Like, it's a got to be a rock band or something right? So maybe Daniel? Maybe maybe Max (it's just gonna end up being all of Lando's friends fr 😭)
- I'm debating whether I like the idea of norgeant being a secret relationship type thing, like obviously the public doesn't know but what if Lando's band mates don't know either??
- ^ bc if the band mates know then when Logan is at a concert/show, he'd be back stage or vip, but if they didn't know (or Logan wanted to be treated like a regular fan like everyone else) then he would be in the crowd and Lando would notice or try and find him in the sea of ppl
- there's a handful of Logan fans that swear they saw norgeant together and are a mixture of confused, amazed and shocked by it
- Guys I forgot the band needs a band name plus Lando isn't the "leader" I overthought and yet didn't think enough at the same time
- I can't just say fuck it and name it McLaren, Red Bull etc. its gotta be good! And obviously it's got to be a reference to something f1/quote/meme related because underneath it all I'm still a basic bitch
- okay throwback to when Jenson asked for Daniel's autograph , that with norgeant! Lando at the meet and greets and shit and Logan is in line and when he gets to the front they have this subtle (*cough* not subtle at all but ppl just assume it's the average flirty/passive aggressive fan *cough*) flirty/inside joke banter:
"Are you free tonight...?" ;)
"Unlucky, mate, going to some fancy restaurant with this random person"
"Wow this random person must be lucky to have a boyfriend as "nice" as you"
"Yeah, well, they'll be lucky enough to get dessert as long as they don't order any seafood"
"Do you want a good luck kiss with that wish?" :3
🦅 RAHHHHH THE NORGEANT BRAINROT ‼️
I WILL be back to edit this each time I think of smth new to add and I'll even put little dates whenever I update bc thats on being organised for once 🗣️🗣️🗣️
#brainstorm with me chat#this better reach the right audience#can you tell I'm obsessed and bored and it does not make a good combination#or maybe it does...#DID I COOK YALL??#I want to be able to insert my thoughts and shit into words bc the things my head are so much better than what I wrote#norgeant#lando norris#ln4#lando/logan#logan/lando#ls2#logan sargeant#landogan#ns24a#headcanon#headcannons#um gonna be basic once again and call this au#norgeant band au#important
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eepers
#which i am. hence the ms paint doodle#you can tell i'm running out of steam lol#but only one day (two technically bc i like to post an oc drawing with thematically appropriate ocs#on new years day) left to go! and i can say that i actually drew every day for a whole month!!!#and 99% of it was just masumii and takoshi!!! who could have guessed!!!#i think the fact that i'm not sick of drawing them after this speaks volumes to my complete and utter obsession with them lmao#i am so incredibly insane :]#shook doodles#oc shiz#takoshi (oc)#also yes i do really like making takoshi's hair shine into a shooting star kinda lol
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The silly from the new russian kinitopet fansong
With lyrics translating to "Everlasting fun" (also a bit of wordplay, БЕСК��НЕЧНОЕ = everlasting, БЕС = devil, evil spirit... also КОНЕЧНОЕ = finite but that isn't forming into a sentence normally, so whatev)
#this type of lettering sucks in traditional art#but anyways#quick sketch bc i'm obsessed#i love his mandella catalogue ahh eyes in this song gfshh#can you tell that i like this song? *looks at her last 20 posts/rts* yeah i guess you can#kinitopet#kinito the axolotl#kinitopet fanart#kinito fanart#prosto cup of art#kinitopet rus song#я случайно чуть не написала вместо “конеч-” “конч” 💀💀💀#я имею в виду.... тоже подходит??(((: (я любя)
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I know it's on me for looking too many comments and reviews about my favorite shows but do you guys ever feel like people just don't know how to like something anymore? Especially when it comes to tv-shows. It's like everyone's so ready to tear something apart, to be disappointed, to be proven right that a show is terrible like they thought it would be. I'm not talking about constructive criticism nor am I talking about being fairly disappointed over something but not only people love being negative but if you dare say that you love a show they all dislike you have to apologize because how dare you? And if you tell them to stop with the negativity because you just WANT TO ENJOY A MFUCKING TV SHOW when everything in this world is shit, they'll tell you you're censoring their opinions. Like it's not that deep please for the love of god, just let people enjoy things, if you don't like something THAT'S FINE but you don't have to make long essays explaining why and not let other people who do like it, enjoy it.
#again i'm not talking about someone who's been watching a show for years and then things happen and they're disappointed#because clearly this happens and it's totally fine#i'm talking about new shows especially asian dramas#it's like if the majority doesn't like a show and you do you're doing a crime#and people are so obsessed with commenting on the show's page/tags etc#especially on MDL#i know MDL isn't known for it's good comment sections but it's getting so annoying#people will come week and week again into the page of a show THEY HATE just to say HOW MUCH THEY HATE IT#like how do you guys think this is normal#if you don't like something JUST DON'T WATCH IT AND LET PEOPLE WHO ENJOY IT ALONE#you don't win some gold medal for saving people from watching this terrible show when you keep warning them every week#like you can't be spending weeks just telling people that a show is bad like how is this possible istg GET A LIFE#shut up anny#about me#also since this is mostly inspired by MDL#how is it possible that 90% of bls are perfect and there's nothing bad y'all can say about them#but a gl? a het show?? bcs you know het shows have WOMEN#nah these are terrible how dare we like those shows no nonono#JUST SAYING the misogyny is incredible y'all can't hide it anymore
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i don't think i'm gonna find pics rn but i remember rewatching iron man 2 for the first time in years, and i was so thrilled to see that little peter appeared more than once! it was a rlly brief scene but it was when some kids asked for tony's autograph. then tony patted peter's head/mask.
sorry, i'll never be over them.
#as you can tell i'm obsessing over irondad crumbs again#i will always thank tom holland for confirming the kid was peter#bc honestly it makes sense#it doesn't feel forced#lotus speaks#irondad#i also remembered a little fic where tony talks to kid peter after the last fight in im2!#it was so cute
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I hope y'all know that I've been thinking abt corrupted!Sonic all day and putting him in Situations
Anyways I think after getting caught and forced out of cyber form and everyone realizes he's got amnesia, they all stay on the starfall isles for a bit while they find a way to keep Sonic stable. Eggman, Tails, and Sage work the inhibitors while Amy and Knux watch over Sonic and make sure he doesn't run off in his unstable state
Eggman of course sees a golden opportunity to take Sonic hostage under the guise of helping him regain his memory, thinking he would believe him bc he doesn't know he's evil. But Sonic's got a good intuition, so the moment he gets the inhibitors and starts getting the corruption under control, he decides to fuck off in the middle of the night, much to his friends and Eggman's dismay
This leads to them chasing after him AGAIN, but it's a bit easier this time since he's not flying and causing mass destruction in his wake, nor is in a feral, uncontrollable state anymore
Tails would luckily catch up to him first and manage to convince him to leave the islands before Eggman and Sage can find him and take him away by force. Sonic is of course very confused and a bit reluctant but hey the little two-tailed fox kid seems way more trustworthy than that egg-shaped man with the evil laugh so he goes with him and the others
And so Sonic is out of the starfall isles and free to start his recovery (until Eggman decides to enact his next world-conquering scheme that is)
#ramblings#corrupted au#i'm obsessed with this au rn can you tell can you can you huh can you tell#sonic does not speak at all during this btw#he only starts speaking way later when he starts getting more comfortable being around tails#i think tails somewhat familiar to sonic even tho he doesn't remember him at all#so he's more willing to trust him#i think sonic stays at one tails' labs with him for a while until he gets his bearings#which he doesn't get a lot of time to do bc eggman tries to take over the world every other week. so#eh sonic is very adaptable he can handle it
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q2-q6 // q23
we'll know when they shot the scenes depending on how buff first looks.
#firstkhao#first kanaphan#khaotung thanawat#firstkhaotung#the heart killers#th: the heart killers#q2 was 19 july and q6 was 1 august btw#that's two months and 10 days for first and he's looking like that#i saw someone say too that first is working his chest and khaotung is working his ass bc of their event once upon a time in august#and i mean it tracks#can you tell i'm obsessed?#truly i think i'm normal again and then suddenly first's arms
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el oh el. just got to tell the guy who dumped me (to make more time for skiing) that yes you can ski on my property actually 😌
#which he would KNOW if he ever showed up at my house when the sun was up#i didn't tell him while we were dating bc i wanted it to be a surprise#he works a second job as a ski instructor so that he can ski for free at that mountain#but he's sooo obsessed he still wastes money skiing everywhere else#and he was sooo busy with the second job (that he doesn't really need) (and skiing in his free time)#and too tired the rest of the time#so that he never felt like seeing me and decided that he was ~too busy~ for a relationship#bc he was too busy driving to other states to go ski when he can do that 20 minutes away for free any time#anyway#my property isn't amazing amazing but he's never seen it in daylight#so didn't know that you can def downhill ski the fields and woods bc of how steep and hilly it is#also we have a beautiful view 😤#anyway i invited the group chat to come sled and he was like can i bring my skis haha#and i got to say yes actually you can. the property used to have a ski lift like 100 years ago but it's gone now 😁#i'm not mad mad at him fr but LMAO it was so fun to rub that in his face ngl#i hope he does come tomorrow but he might go actual skiing#but idk he often drives to multiple mountains across dif states to ski inna single day so he might#i think curiousity might get him and he was invited#i'm not a good enough skiier to want to do it here esp without a tow rope but he would and def could#anyway lowkey pathetic but if the only reason he regrets dumping me is for my house it's still funny lol#dude didn't know what he was giving up but i am joking he would not have dated me for such a shallow selfish reason i hope 🤣#but def better not to find out the hard way still#my family is not rich in any way but people who see our property often think we are#but it is a working farm and an old old house and barn that need lots of work etc#the maintenance and stuff and conservation easement on the land brought the price down a lot#also the realtor was lowkey shady and wanted to buy it and tried to scare everyone away from buying it and drive the price down lol#and the house needs a new septic system we cannot afford at all and a new roof we also cannot afford#but it looks really cute and has a view so people see it and go: 🤯#but when dating a new person i didn't want to give him the wrong idea so i didn't say anything#bc i wanted to know he liked me for me not for anything else. but now i know he doesn't <3
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ik it's not good to latch onto a mental illness as your defining trait but also. babe i don't have much else going on or any other sense of identity beyond it
#''you don't want to heal from depression bc you don't know who you are without it'' yeah no shit. if there's no depression there's no me#also i got the no sense of identity disorder!!!! so!!!! said disorder is just my only identity ig!!!!!!#ik this is why ppl look for labels and i am no different but all my labels hinge on being vague so like . not very helpful#others i know latch onto their nationality/religion/heritage etc. but i definitely don't feel pride in any of those#dare i even say i feel disgust. i am more defined by my disdain for being jewish than my actual judaism#ppl say to let what you love define you. but. i don't love. i mean i love my cat but i don't think that can define me#also maybe I'm just autistic but i don't really get how one can even be defined by what they love 🤔#and this whole thing is so weird. bc in so many people's head there is this very firm image#and people tell me i seem confident and like i know how i am and that I'm being myself in an honest way#girl i don't even know what myself is!!!! i am more defined by my lack of definition than anything 😭😭😭#or my worse traits like stubbornness and hypocrisy and obsession#wouldja look at that we just circled back to my bpd. see what I'm saying?#vent#ask to tag#sorry for all the vents today ��� i am at my worst actually and i fear i may lose it at any moment ✨️
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