#CURRENT MUSIC: ONE LAST TIME
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My jewish community, friends, rabbi, and educators: We are very invested in helping you be jewish. Do you want to help read the haftarah? Here's a chanukiah! You can have it!! Borrow these books! Here's some books! You need more books... Come to pesach! Come to the chanukah party! When are your classes done? We need a minyan for once!
Me and my 50000 IQ: What if I am Secretly Appropriating judaism? What if I am doing a Cultural Appropriation........
#jumblr#jew by choice#jewish conversion#personal thoughts tag#there comes a point where your concerns about if you are an Appropriative Cultural Appropriator hinders your jewish journey#i think a comforting thing is knowing that my incessant fear about this is confirmation that i love judaism#i love it with my heart and soul and (i feel) i'd be a less realized person without it#and i think people who genuinely engage in cultural appropriation just Do Not Care about the cultures they appropriate from#they don't love the culture enough to respect it and that is a big reason that it even IS appropriation#especially when jewish people are INVITING you to do things... it's not appropriation#i dunno last night i was feeling very anxious about lighting the chanukiah candles because i'm alone#but i've also lit shabbos candles. and it's just like... why would i choose not to engage in this when one day i will have to?#this time next year i will have to light candles. as a jew. and if i have no clue how to do it myself then i'll just avoid it#plus... i love my chanukiah and i want to use it. it is currently decorating my room because i love it#i hope they'll let me take pictures of all the chanukiah that'll be at the party#i'm sure they will because they're very open and they are very accommodating. in fact i'm bringing my clarinet too#i haven't touched that thing in well over four years 😭#but jewish music without a clarinet is like a body with no soul. it's impossible. it is not what g-d wants i think.#i just hope my ability to play by ear hasn't been affected by my lack of playing. i don't have perfect pitch tbc#but i fully believe you can know your instrument so well that you develop an ear for perfect pitch#in fact... i refused to memorize my marching band music because i DID develop that 'perfect pitch' ear. that's my dirty secret#i didn't practice in part because i can't have a space where noone could hear me practice and it's embarrassing and private to me#literally EVERY jew in my life has been almost TOO ecstatic about my jewish journey. i'm very thankful for it#i guess i just didn't think i deserved to have people as happy about me being in judaism as i am#so to be clear this is my brain being rude and dumb. this anxiety has NEVER been reinforced by anyone but myself#so i take full responsibility for it. but i think that anxiety is something many/most converts/jews-in-progress feel
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72 Seasons Metallica era is in full swing and the boys are looking and sounding awesome!
Pics by Tim Saccenti
#cant believe it only took 7 years this time thats 1 up from last#no but fr im qctually so happy that theyre releasing new music and keeping it going and fresh#love loving a current band and not one that only tours on their legacy#my fave old men#fr fr#they seriously do look and sound so great !!#metallica#james hetfield#lars ulrich#kirk hammett#rob trujillo#metal#2022
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why am i so interested in south american cultures and history. and why do i keep stopping myself from learning about them
#no cuz i have a fucking interest in it and its unexplainable idk where it came form#i literally live on a whole other continent way away from south america#i never been to anywhere in south america#i do not have a drop of latinx blood on me i have absolutely no connections to the damn place#but yet i am so interested in whatever the fuck incas aztecs and mayans were doin#about past history and current history#and current countries NOT TO MENTION THEYRE SOOOOO FUCKING BEAUTIFUL GOD#i saw a vlog about brazil and never wanted to visit a country more in my life like holy shit#also i was obsessed with sottr mainly cuz of the focus on the latino civilizations#but from little research ive done it was quite stereotypical and blending the civilisation even tho theyre very different#but okay anyway#i HAVE the interest and yet i dont go let myself research ???? like i literally tell myself no????? no ill do that later ?????????#i have very poor memory retention okay so ig that makes me demotivated but STILLWOUWHABFJ#i remember watching some vids on the topics and trying to learn the damn differences BUT I REMEMBER FUCKING NOTHINGGGGGG#i can barely remember what i have learned in math last (4 weeks ago) like jesus cmon...................#i want to learn but i can barely remember anything FFLOR FUCKS SAKEEEKSGXVAJ#but still I dint think that's a reason for me denying myself and self sabotaging myself here ?????#i guess cuz im not taking it as much of a priority compared to the subjects im doing it + art + art history#which i also fucking suck at btw i am constantly trying to learn sm for art history and i remember. barely anything !!!#i remember i had to relearn the events and everything of ww2 like around 6-7 times and im not joking here#cuz i would not remember anything and now i remmeber it vaguely enough to be able to know some basic facts but no dates or smaller events#ok god my memory retention is shit i think i actually gotta be concerned about that shit#anyway i just wanted to rant except i have absolutely no information or facts to offer whatsoever#rumaiq rambles#writing this whislt listening to a Argentina 70s top playlist and there is absolutely no bad song. i love them all. and that is very rare#especially for me i am picky as fuck with my playlists and music#idk what the conclusion of this is i dont think there is one
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la la land is held back by how badly it wants to be a stage show which is kind of funny because dear evan hansen is made by the same people and it’s held back by how badly it wants to be a movie
#then when they made it into a movie it was worse but that’s beside the point#i just rewatched la la land and my current review is that there is nothing you can get from watching that movie#that you can’t get 1000x better from a last five years & portrait of a lady on fire double feature#after la la land came out i watched it in theaters and it was one of my fav movies for years#and now i like it less every time i watch it#but it would be amazing as an off broadway musical
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idontwanna play enstars aevent i dont wanna Yes i do yes i do yes i do yes i
#tours are more fun#getting multiple copies of a card in song event is torturous though. only have ever done it for kanata And only 3 of him like i#i dont understand the ppl that rank in jp music Iknwo its lik e they just have a bunch of dia and usually have#the maxed gacha cards for point bonus and shit but oh my mama. ITs frightening to me.#Getting 3 kanatas was so horrible and to be fair i was also working full time and incredibly sleep deprived AND LITERALLY SICK AT THE END O#IT#ive called off from my current job One time since ive had it and it was on the last day of stella maris event bc i had winter allergies and#so incredibly exhausted and i wanted to finish the event without staying awake for 24+ hours or some evil shit#but kanatas stella maris scr matches with chiakis bridegroom scr. So its all worth it in the end really#i think i have like 200+ clears of miwaku geki bc of that goddamn event#like as in i wasnt even at 100 before it
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#@ me please just do the one task you have left to do today so you can enjoy your evening#and stop being afeared#anyway I love directing a choir but I hate being in charge of the admin I am so bad at it#if only I could beam into everyone's minds when to meet for practice#but I can't so um girlie if you don't tell anyone there's going to be practice tomorrow evening its not going to happen#I guess I am worried that if I announce it there's going to be a secret reason why it cannot be so#and then I will look like even more of a disaster#with the track record we've had it doesn't feel that unrealistic is the problem#I keep being gone every weekend and the past few practices I have been able to hold have been miserably attended#due to conflicts that were a surprise to me#because no one can communicate around here I guess#my other simple task of printing music today already went awry#when the girl misunderstood me at the ups store and printed wayyyy too many copies#shoulda been a karen but I was too scared so I just said thanks and paid THIRTY DOLLARS and took my huge stack of paper and left#aasdfghjkllkjhghjkjh that's not what I asked for!!!!!! but I'm just eating that extra twenty I guess#last time we met we didn't even sing bc there was like 4 people and we just made a schedule for the rest of the year#decided evening practice might be better#but only those four people are currently aware of that plan#and I have procrastinated trying to get the word out because I'm Scared for some reason#like it's literally not that serious but yikes yikes yikes#what I need is like. an assistant with good organizational skills#I can do the music. I can run the practices. I can even bring snacks#but for some reason I just cannot get it together
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YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! The full Arches soundtrack got released!!!!!!!!
#currently listening through it and I think most of them got a little updated and polished! I can definitely hear it in the title track#anyway all in all very cool!!! the soundtrack is so so good and it's nice to see it get a proper release! :)#I've been listening to roadside in particular on and off for like the last 6 months. obsessed with that one#anthemics did such a good job on all of it. there'd be times when first reading it I'd have to stop to appreciate the music for a second#arches vn#echo project#phoenix prattles
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today should be a t break day
bc I'll need it to be more effective in the coming days if we see family, and then I'll have the survey shifts
but since late last night i keep randomly nearly breaking into tears and thinking abt the stupidest shit that needs to stay in the box in my brain
so idk. maybe it will be. it is thus far. but I'm not leaving my room without a container of some edible or another in my pocket either
#text post#no idea where the fuck this came from and it kept me up until fucking four in the fucking morning#but only NEARLY crying my body/brain still won't let me FULLY cry#and i did email my prior doc with a 'can i ask u just abt this one current symptom and if it is abt what i think & ill send u 20 bucks even'#she said no to the twenty bucks but said yeah it does sound like my ptsd has been triggered by multiple things over the last year#and the not being able to cry is a part of it. my body's trying to protect me from feeling anything abt it and breaking down#and part of that means not letting the tears fall so there's no physical acknowledgement of any feelings#which is what i was thinking was going on but it's nice to confirm it with someone who knows their shit#doesn't fix it but at least i know.#the thing is that the triggers are like. good? bc im in a healthier safer environment now with ppl that don't do what my mum & fam do to me#but it means my brain is learning just how much of a lot of it Wasn't Normal and was actually Pretty Harmful and that's.#i want my brain to just accept and get over that already tbh. okay so that's the case it doesn't change anything????#why are we still thinking abt it and having feelings over it at this point bc that feels like a waste of time#there are no apologies I'll get for things that happened from when i was younger and there's no closure it just Is What It Is#I'm tired of even wanting to cry over it when I'd rather be throwing myself into making money & being productive art-wise#it manages to interrupt so many fucking facets of my life like#whatever. anyway considering a music au new draft where ed and izzy meet seth. and immediately offer to kill him for Pickles aksnsjfnfgj
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your top 15 shows can say a lot about your personality - tagged by @taeminie ily 💞🥰
(im gonna say this isnt in any order bc that stressed me out lmao)
my school president
bad buddy
theory of love
bbc merlin
great british bake-off
beating again/순정에 반하다
it's okay to not be okay/사이코지만 괜찮아
his: koisuru tsumori nante nakatta
i feel you linger in the air
be my favorite
the gifted 2018
gaya sa pelikula
chicago typewriter/시카고 타자기
what we do in the shadows
history3: trapped
i will tag @earthfluuke @punpunsutatta @deshimango @taikanyohou @evan-eddie @panlyv @smileytharn @maggiecheungs and anyone who feels like it 💖💖💖💖💖💖
#im so bad at saying what i like i forget everything ive ever seen before in my entire life LMAOOO#important to note also that the stock music from theory of love was used in cooking crush yesterday#when ten is sewing the glove#and i fucking LOST MY MIND#every time they play it on one of their shows im like THIS IS FOR TOL THIS IS FOR ME#my emotions EXPLOOODEE#btw keep in mind that if we were going favorite couples alone this would be a completely different list HGKJLHGDKJ#also i have millions of opinions on all of these so feel free to send an ask for why i like them or etc byeee#answered#tagged#ali#mutuals#tag game#top shows#OH I FORGOT TO SAY i didnt include show that r currently airing!!!!!! bc of Fairness but in my heart last twilight is on here😙😙#I FORGOT TO TAG PEOPLE GOODBYE
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#chelseaspice on apple music btw#currently living vicariously thru this song 💔#ill probably never have a summer like this#thinking abt when the summer after i turned 18 i was so excited bc i had a lil money in my pocket#and i was younger and still had sparkle in my eyes#this was the time coconut girl and frankies bikinis first came up#i so badly wanted nothing than to be a sit on the beach girl#but i didnt live an hour from atlantic city like i did as a kid amymore#and the beaches at the pnw (noah fence) are a PITTANCE compared to the ones i grew up on 🤚🏾#and i had a shit excuse of a human being i was convincing myself that liked me as a best friend#i spent the summer working 10hr shifts at red robin getting sexually harassed 👍🏾#cant say i aint run it up tho#dont matter now bc i spent it all 😣#i took the last $200 made and put it in an account. thats the grown up thing to do right? save?#if i ever had it my way id be in my beach house wearing a sun dress w no undies making dj sets and#chasing my dog around. and in the night hit the boardwalk w my friends and party jersey shore style#….anyways will smith woooo! 😀😍#Spotify
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omg.... my new nearest audiology department actually has an EMAIL TO CONTACT!!!!!!! we're so fucking back baby
#looking to register bc i havent had a hearing checkup in like. 4-5 years lol#im supposed to have repeats every 2-3 years but my old audio dept is on the other side of the country....#and my hearing loss has been stable since i was 2 yrs old so its not super urgent to keep track of..#but ive had my current hearing aids for over 6 years now i think which is the average lifespan. and they still work fine#but i really should be taking them in to adjust every six months n get new moulds fitted regularly....... oops#i do replace the tubing but yeah im way behind on maintenance#and considering i wear them like 50 hours a week n im kinda dependent on them at work i need to keep on top of it more#ALSO what i reaaaaally want is ones that have bluetooth connectivity bc when i last got mine that tech wasnt widely available#but now i think theyre nhs standard. so fingers crossed i can upgrade plsss i wanna be able to use them for phone calls n music!!!#i can make a good case for it if needed cuz i need to use headphones at work sometimes#actually might be able to get an access to work grant for bonus hearing aid equipment..... i should look into that#i was skeptical for ages bc i had a VERY old roger mic as a kid which was effectively a box on a lanyard i had to give to ppl#it was clunky as shit and had awful sound quality i gave up using it after a year or two#but now they have very sleek n subtle ones n the tech has improved so much like it filters bg noise n can connect to tvs n shit#so would be really useful in meetings or when im like. at a restaurant or somewhere w a lot of bg noise....#ahhhh itll take time to get everything sorted tho. need to start w just getting this audiology referral in place#ill swing by the gp practice after work tmr and ask for an appointment for that#need to get dressed and leave the flat.... but i dont want to 😔#in a bit....#.diaries
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Yuka Shiraishi. btw.
#she has 20 lines at most but i love her#i'd really like for an 5 to have more yuka content... especially since ken is training vbs#ken is working them rough which for people surrounding vivid street (or at least vbs) would seem tough but understandable#but yuka is an outsider. yuka is a caring mother who still supports her daughter and her friends despite not growing up in vivid street#yuka would possibly consider this too much for the moment and try to get them to relax#and. i really want the current vbs arc to end with them relaxing a little#i don't think they'll go straight from “we're surpassing rad weekend and carrying nagi's wish”#to “we're tying ourselves down to this one event when we could go even further”#but they could definitely recognise “we're still kids we have time”#and yuka could be the one to bring that up. radder were all adults when rad weekend happened. vbs are in their second year of high school#and they're talented. so incredibly talented. kohane showed that at crawl green. akito finally realises his growth in his 4th event#toya has just came to terms with his classical music background and draws from it to write songs for the group#and an has had years of experience singing. except she also holds herself back in her want to be line nagi#which i'm almost certain will be addressed in her 5th event. and with yuka being the one who comforted an during lutf (in her card)#well. i think it would be nice for her to come back#especially as she is - again - an outsider to vivid street. she could represent how vbs can go beyond vivid street#another possibility is kohane's father. he sort of just disappeared after sdsc (at least i recall akito and an mentioning meeting him?)#and considering the impact he has on kohane (photography and his doubts regarding her sudden change in early game)#it could be nice seeing him again since with kohane/akito/toya seemingly reaching the end of a current arc in the last year#(ie the kohane and taiga plot/akito no longer feeling like he's behind the others/toya and classical music)#the next step in the group's story could be happening#half of this has nothing to do with yuka fjrjdiejd. i just like the concept of her being the group's link to going outside of vivid street#or going beyond is suppose. beyond the way...#bagel's rambles#i'm on break. watch me draw yuka design
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Pippin is my favorite musical of all time.
But unfortunately, I seem to fixate on it during times of my life when my brain is especially existential, anxious, depressed, etc.
The last few days, I've been thinking about Pippin a lot, reading analyses of it, listening to the music. Just generally enjoying my comfort musical.
Then I remembered that earlier this week, my therapist heard me describing how I feel unfulfilled while unemployed and doing a lot of stuff for other people or to make other people happy and not doing anything for myself, all while having a completely messed up sleep schedule. And she said "Hmm... honestly... that sounds a little like depression."
And I was like "No. No. Because I am doing things. It's not like when I've been depressed in the past." but now that I'm back to fixating on Pippin, I think she was somewhat onto something since that's usually a bad sign. Yay!
#pippin#it's kind of sad that my comfort musical is pippin. but like. it's comforting for a reason. i need the comfort.#i'm currently being overworked by the theater i volunteer with because i was brought on to sew some pieces#and a couple turned into 6 pieces and then adding trims to other things and repairing a bunch of costumes#and completely deconstructing 2 different dresses to make them into new things#and then further alterations and tailoring and yeah this is not what i had signed up for#and how i need to learn to say no because i now have no time to do what i want to do with my free time#plus the jobs i've applied to have not gotten back to me and blah blah blah i'm doing nothing with my life at the moment#and past pippin obsessions have been senior year of high school when i had no clue what to do with my life#into freshman year of college when i was happier but still feeling strange about having no direction#then junior/senior year of college when i once again had no clue what i was doing with my life but about to graduate.#then one year post-college when i was considering leaving my job in the next year-ish to pursue theater#THEN during the really dark era of the quarantine in April just before May hit aka the lowest i've been in over a decade#literally crying every single day i was so stressed and anxious and depressed#and now. after a year of switching jobs. finally thinking i know what i want to do. and now having to actually do it.#while unemployed because my literal dream job that was supposed to last at least 4 months to a year only lasted 2 months
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auuudggghghhrhrhrbrr
#okay I’m feeling Bad and I need to unpick why before I’ll be able to sleep#friend is asking abt lunch on Friday when I already have standing commitment w other friends then so I can’t do that.#but I also go home on Sunday and I can’t do shit until Friday bc work and I have plans on Saturday so I just. can’t see them#which. I guess makes things easier actually that’s not something I can control and I’m not changing existing plans that’s unfair#I’m also listening to a playlist of old music (Apple Music generated favourites — so literally random picked from everything I’ve ever done#and the last few songs have made me feel Bad bc of being associated with certain times but song playing rn is definitively a good song#w a good memory attached and it’s MY song not one of my old friends#okay where are we#I’m stressed abt presentation on Thursday but also a non issue. I’m prepared. I have all day tomorrow to practice and read up more#and then it’s 20 minutes on Thursday morning I’ll be done before 10am#I am. a little frustrated on a broader scale about the role I’m currently occupying#in that w a bunch of my friends I’m having to be the one with their shit together and dealing with their Stuff.#mostly in the way that I have to be putting in extra effort to tiptoe around them and steer stuff to keep them happy#i can do it i can do it easily I’ve just tasted not having to now so it’s. noticeably different having to do it more#i do Not have the words to talk abt this in the way I want to it’s so annoying#it’s like. I know how my friend responds to stuff. I know the things that make her anxious and what her instinctual responses will be#and I’m constantly having higher level thoughts planning out how things will go it’s effortless and constant it’s just There#with everyone all the time but sometimes I use it more and sometimes I have to because I’m in a position where if I don’t we’ll get nowhere#and I don’t like that I’m having to worry abt keeping other people happy while I’m talking to my friends it removes me a layer from stuff#hrm. there are broader questions here abt the utility of this bc like. sure it helps in some situations#but this probably isn’t great long term for either of us. wild. goddamn talking to my friend abt philosophy opened new parts of my brain#anyway I cba to have those thoughts rn! it’s midnight! I’m going to bed in half an hour <3#it’s honestly unfair that I have to do anything other than be gay and play pokemon#luke.txt#uaUrghrhfhjs I’m also being insane abt a guy. which is predictable and I feel stupid abt for multiple reasons but. here we are.#I’m being insane. and maybe I should be less mean to myself but I feel like I’m being insane.#I think! I need to go to bed!#I am not being insane I am having feelings and that is allowed. feelings are typically regarded as a pretty normal thing to have.#philosophy friend is gonna be so mad at me if anything comes of this but it’s fine and if it does I think I’ll be pretty happy anyway#point is I’m doing nothing wrong and have done nothing wrong and I’m allowed to feel whatever the hell I like. okay.
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???
#I’m staying at my gmas atm and she lives really close to this park where they do events and stuff#she lived close enough you can always hear the music especially if it’s live and it’s hot so I have the window open and I can hear it so#clear it’s kind of time#*lives she’s still here lol#and today there’s a Thailand themed festival there#but I rly don’t think they told the current act the theme of the festival#last act was singing something about welcome to Thailand and there’s been some traditional music it’s nice floating through the window#but this one?? we’ve had rolling on the river and pound the alarm and now it’s some club sounding anthem#what is going on?#as long as ppl are having fun#mine
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thinking of (once again) trying to do the switch to bluetooth earphones.........😓
#not ideal at all im a wired earphones til death but...my current ones' cable got super fucked up for some reason and only one of them works#and i fear it will stop working soon so im looking into earphones prices to get new ones#and ive been thinking...as much as i love them and prefer them... theyre very inconvenient when im out of the house because i dont#wear clothes with good pockets most of the time so i dont have anywhere to put my phone if i wanna listen to my tunes out in the street#unless im in the bus where i can carry my backpack close enough to me that i can put my phone in one of the pockets and be comfortable#its also inconvenient when i go to sleep bc i like sleeping with music on but as much as i love the geting choked by the cable thing#its probably one of the reasons why the cable got so fucked up in the first place#but of course bluetooth earphones also have a lot of cons#like having to charge them ???? and then the battery only lasts not even 3 hours i think#which is insane#then its also easier to lose them or imagine if im out on the street and one falls of???? im super terrified of that#wired earphones are more secure#again. both have many pros and cons so idk#would love to know if anyone has an opinion on this#the difference in the price is not that big so it's the same on that front idrc#cami.txt
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